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enigmaticexplorer · 5 months ago

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I Yearn, and so I Fear - Epilogue

Masterlist | Previous Chapter

General Summary. Nearly a year since the Galactic Empire’s rise to power, Kazi Ennari is trying to survive. But her routine is interrupted—and life upended—when she’s forced to cohabitate with former Imperial soldiers. Clone soldiers.

Pairing. Commander Wolffe x female!OC

General Warnings. Canon-typical violence and assault, familial struggles, terminal disease, bigotry, explicit sexual content, death. This story deals with heavy content. If you’re easily triggered, please do not read. For a more comprehensive list of tags, click here.

Fic Rating. E (explicit)/18+/Minors DNI.

Chapter Word Count. 4.2K

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Three Years Later

28 Melona

“Another year, Wolf’ika.” Cody paused on the grassy path and appraised the orchard. “You should be proud of this.”

Wolffe flashed his vod a smile. “I am.”

In the six months since Cody last visited, the citrus-star trees had matured past their two-year adolescence into adulthood. Their trunks had thickened into sturdy structures larger than Neyti’s body; the lowest branches skimmed Wolffe’s head.

Wolffe and Kazi had planted the twenty seeds together but the orchard was his responsibility. Hours researching Ceaia’s nutrient-rich soil, speaking with local farmers, tilling the soil, and caring for the seeds paid off. The orchard produced bunches of citrus-stars monthly. Enough for his family. And enough to sell at the local farmer’s market.

“I’ve added a new beehive,” Wolffe said. He gestured to the end of the row where an amber hive hung from a branch, well hidden among the dense cluster of leaves. It was his fifth hive. And his most productive. “It’s done well.”

“To know that you did become a farmer…” Cody chuckled his incredulity. “I didn’t think it was possible.”

Wolffe inclined his chin in agreement.

While Kazi worked at Outlook Harbor’s Museum of History and Neyti attended school, Wolffe spent his days out here alone: tending the orchard; nurturing the garden’s assortment of fruits, vegetables, and herbs (for both meals and Nova’s research); monitoring the bees. ‘Til Fox interrupted. Then his quiet and solitude were ruined.

But the early morning hours, after his run, he had to himself. Just him and the lazing leaves and the humming bees.

“Kazi and Neyti?” Cody asked. They hadn’t been at the house when he landed half an hour ago.

“Weekly lessons at the museum,” Wolffe said.

The lessons began two years ago when, intrigued by Kazi’s translation work, Neyti asked to learn the ancient Ceaian language. Kazi agreed with a casual smile. But Wolffe had seen her hidden delight. Her excitement. He was well-studied in her subtle tells, after all.

“I’m meeting them later,” Wolffe added. Cody arched a brow, and he shrugged with a chuckle. “I don’t know where we’re going. They want it to be a surprise.”

The gray of dawn cast the orchard in foggy darkness, dulling the pale orange of the trees’ fronds. Wolffe reached for a leaf larger than his hand and rubbed it between his fingers; the fuzzy trichomes tickled his palm. It brought a half-smile to his face.

They continued forward, turning at a fork in the path where, frowning, Cody nudged a pink bush with his boot.

“Neyti and Steiner like to play here,” Wolffe explained. He smiled. “I couldn’t say no. And they’re good for the bees.”

His vod shook his head fondly. “And Fox?”

Wolffe ducked beneath a branch. “You could ask him.”

“I could.” But he wouldn’t.

Cody returned to Coruscant the week they completed renovation on the lighthouse. The decision had gutted Neyti as much as it angered Fox. Fox had expected them to remain together. To settle down and remove themselves from the threat of the Empire. To live out the rest of their lives in relative peace. But Cody disagreed with Fox’s sentiments. They argued; they parted on bad terms.

Every few months, Cody visited. He spent most of his time painting with Neyti, helping Wolffe with the garden, hiking with Nova. During those brief visits, Fox disappeared to the lighthouse. He avoided meals. Avoided any interaction with Cody. For Fox, Cody’s decision to leave Ceaia—to leave his vode—was a betrayal.

A year and a half dredged by before Fox begrudgingly apologized. Cody accepted the apology with characteristic understanding. Wolffe knew the fight had weighed on Cody; just like he knew Fox would never understand Cody’s decision.

But Wolffe understood Cody’s decision. Cody threw himself into work to deal with his guilt, and working with Rex and the clone network provided an escape.

Wolffe also knew that Cody couldn’t remain on Ceaia. Not after Daria’s death. He hardly blamed his vod. The nightmares still haunted him on occasion. Nightmares where Daria and Neyti deboarded the transport at the Naboo spaceport without Kazi. Each time he awoke sweaty and panting, reaching for Kazi.

Touching her, feeling her heartbeat in her wrist, sliding his finger along the tattoo of his initials—W.E.—on the inner skin of her fourth finger—it freed him from the nightmare’s lingering grasp.

He didn’t blame Cody. Not one fucking bit.

“Fox helps with the garden and orchard. But he doesn’t like the bees,” Wolffe said. Cody smirked in amusement. “He’s been spending a lot of time carving the fence.”

Nearby, a detailed dragon prowled the top of the dark-wooded fence protecting the orchard. Cody admired the carving. “And the annals?”

Last year, the annals evolved from Fox’s personal project to a museum-financed publication. It was Nova’s idea: an admitted desire to publicly preserve the stories of the vode he’d lost.

“They deserve to be remembered,” Nova had told Wolffe and Fox late one night while he paced the carpeted basement. “And not just by me. But by the people they protected, too.”

Kazi had recently started her job at the museum (as a translator of the dying Ceaian language, she was scribing some of the oldest scrolls on loan from the Library of Xand), and reached out to the museum’s director.

A few private meetings led to an agreement: Fox would organize his interviews into a chronological timeline, and the museum would publish the stories into three annals. They would be the first historical record of the War. The only record from the soldiers who fought in it.

“They’re coming along,” Wolffe said. New interviews continued to appear every few months thanks to Cody’s efforts to connect various men with Fox. “The first two years are almost complete.”

Cody gave a pleased nod.

The path veered to the right, toward the house. Low-hanging leaves tickled their hair and brushed their shoulders. They passed through the gate, wandering deeper into the forest, the tree cover thickening. The smell of burning wood drifted on the breeze; they followed its scent.

“I have another interview,” Cody said. At his smug tone, Wolffe snorted. “From Rex.”

Wolffe blinked his surprise. “He agreed?”

Cody smirked. “I convinced him.”

“You’re next,” he said. Cody rolled his eyes, and he shoved his vod in the shoulder. “Stop being a prick.”

“You haven’t done it,” Cody retorted.

“Did it last week.” He winked at his vod’s appalled look but soon sobered, shrugging. “It was time.”

“Fuck.” Cody scrubbed a hand across his jaw. Weariness lined his eyes and forehead, and he let out a deep sigh. “I’ll…think about it.”

Nearing the front of the house, the low voices of Fox and Nova discernible over the crackle of the fire, Cody motioned for Wolffe to halt. He angled his head toward Nova. “How’s he doing?”

“Nova’s a grown man, Cod’ika,” Wolffe said gently. “He’s making his own life. And he’s doing a damn good job at it.”

“I know,” Cody murmured. “I thought that…” He cleared his throat and straightened. “I’m glad he’s doing well.”

Wolffe was surprised when Nova decided to stick around after Cody left. Throughout the War, and after, he’d remained loyal to Cody. The type of loyalty only the best commanding officers earned from their subordinates. Wolffe had once earned a similar loyalty from his men. Before Order 66. Before he bailed on the Empire. Before he fled his own men trying to gun him down for betraying orders.

But Wolffe quickly realized the reason behind Nova’s decision: Nova was ready to move on from the past. And that meant parting ways with Cody.

Within a few weeks of Cody’s departure, Nova applied for a researcher’s job at the local med center. There, he began researching a medicinal alternative to bacta. A solution to the Empire’s control and restriction over the healing aid. (Kazi gave him Daria’s old research books for inspiration or potential leads.)

The work kept Nova busy most days but he seemed to enjoy it. Neyti had even shown an interest in his work. Some afternoons, after school, he took her to the med center and let her help with his experiments.

“You know,” Wolffe said, clapping a hand to Cody’s back, “there’s a place for you here. Whenever you want it.”

“The Rebellion needs me—”

“You need the Rebellion.” Wolffe levelled a hard look at Cody. “But it won’t clear your conscience.”

Cody squared his shoulders. “Yeah. I know.”

Wolffe offered him a grim smile and then made his way toward the sputtering fire. The embers glowed in the darkness of the evergreen and sequoia forest; the flames kept the early morning shadows at bay.

For the next two hours, Wolffe and his vode downed glasses of whiskey, swapped stories they all knew, and played rounds of sabaac. Nova won; Wolffe was convinced he’d cheated.

As the forest lightened, the whiskey warming his blood, Wolffe tugged a sweater over his head, nodded to the others, and then started the trek to the docks. He was unsurprised when Fox followed.

The grassy cliff path spat them out at the shore. The low tide revealed bubbling sand pockets, a burrowing crab, and the booted footprints of a woman and child who’d passed through earlier.

“Three years,” Fox said, surveying the faint sunrise with a pensive expression. “A lot has changed.”

“It’s what you wanted,” Wolffe remarked.

“Yeah.” Slowly, his vod rolled the sleeves of his maroon sweater. “Never thought I’d end up on an ocean planet again.”

He chuckled. “It’s better than Kamino.”

“Anywhere is better than there,” Fox said. The vitriol underscoring his comment wasn’t lost on Wolffe; he knew Fox’s feelings well enough. Adjusting the cuff of his right sleeve, Fox cleared his throat. “Thanks.”

Wolffe gave a wordless grunt of confusion.

“For getting me off Coruscant.” Fox motioned to their surroundings. “This is a good place to retire.”

He snorted. “Only took you four years.”

“Fuck off.” Fox halted, running a hand through his hair, observing Wolffe with hesitant solemnity. He sighed. “I’m…grateful to be here.”

Wolffe nodded slowly. “Me too.”

He took a moment to breathe in the fresh air, to watch the sun cresting the oceanic horizon, to grasp Fox’s shoulder and give him a firm shake. Fox threw him a grin. One of those knowing grins he used when they were boys and was about to challenge Wolffe to a particularly ambitious dare. Wolffe hadn’t seen Fox grin like that in a long time. He’d missed it.

“Give my love to the women,” Fox said, shoving his hands into his trousers’ pockets. He backed away a step. “And don’t drown. I’d grow bored without you.”

Wolffe rolled his eyes and turned away.

A jog along the shore brought him to the docks. Scents of freshly baked bread, citrus fruits, and spiced soups wafted from the colorful buildings. Younglings sprinted the walkways. Sailors shouted orders as they prepared their ships.

Regardless of the earliness of the day, Outlook Harbor bustled with life. Wolffe nodded to the woman at the bakery (she sold jars of his honey), shook his head at a small boy begging for a cup of shaved ice (he could relate to the father’s fond exasperation), and lifted a hand of acknowledgement to the elderly florist (she liked Kazi and Neyti). With a sharp turn, he strode down a familiar dock—

“Daddy!”

He broke into a wide grin.

Legs dangling over the side of the sailboat, Neyti waved, her smile toothy. Beside her, Fluffy thumped his tail in greeting. The moment Wolffe boarded the boat the anooba knocked his head against his legs. He gave the canine a scratch behind his ears.

Over the years, Fluffy had matured into a calm yet protective force. A good soldier. Wolffe would know; he’d served with plenty of them.

“Hey, kid.” Wolffe kissed the top of Neyti’s head. Her hair was tied back in her classic double braids, the style he’d perfected with hours of practice on Kazi. “You ready?”

“Yup. Mum let me raise the sails.” Neyti nodded at the main mast. “We were waiting on you.”

While Neyti finished a glass of lemon juice, Wolffe inspected their work. Unnecessary thanks to Kazi’s expertise but he didn’t want to feel excluded from the prep. “Where is your mom—”

“It’s about time.” Kazi strolled from the cabin space beneath the deck, a bouquet in her hands, her hazel eyes beaming with mirth. “Happy life day.”

Wolffe grinned. He couldn’t help himself. The morning sun seemed as eager about Kazi as he felt. It cast her in a pinkish hue that made her skin glow. She kissed his cheek; his skin burned beneath the touch.

With an easy smile, Wolffe accepted the bouquet. Gray and long-petaled, the flowers complimented the wolf on his sweater and the socks he could see peeking above Kazi’s boots. The socks he’d given her long ago—the gray a claim to his pack.

Under the pretense of smelling the flowers, Wolffe scrutinized Kazi. He liked her like this: a carefree, dimpled smile; hands casually tucked in the back pockets of her trousers; an adventurous twinkle in her eyes. Seeing her like this…fuck,it inspired different wants within him.

He wanted to hold her close and smell her lavender soap. He wanted his head in her lap while her fingers played with his hair. He wanted to sit on their porch and listen to her talk about her translation work. He wanted to taste her, pleasure her until she was sated and pliant. He wanted her naked beneath this soft sunlight so he could admire every toned muscle and delicate plane of her body—

“Are you going to stare at Mum all day or can we go?” Neyti jumped to the deck, piercing him with an exasperated frown. Wolffe rubbed the back of his neck. “Your surprise won’t be waiting all day.”

“Demanding, much?” Kazi flicked their daughter’s forehead. Neyti responded with a sheepish grin. Chuckling, Kazi shared a private, knowing smile with him—that damned smile he’d beg on his knees for a glimpse of—and then started for the docking line. “Come on. Neyti’s right—we want to get there in time.”

Navigated by her skilled captain, the sailboat chugged through the harbor’s dark blue waves, passing through the breakwater where two dragons sat on guard: the twins, Bellu and Xap. Most harbors, Kazi once told him, were protected by the twins.

For the lateness of the summer, the ocean was well-tempered, sincere in its embrace of salty wind and bobbing waves. While Wolffe stood at the helm with Kazi wondering where they were going, Neyti and Fluffy leaned against the bow’s railing, searching for sea creatures.

Soon, their billowing sails brought them to their destination: the clear waters of the islet.

Wolffe chuckled his appreciation. Both his wife and daughter knew the islet was one of his favorite places to visit: a lush forest with foxlike creatures that often attempted to nick his broken wristchrono; a clearing with a bubbling stream that could ease the worst tension from him; and the turtles—docile creatures he liked to swim with.

Anchor dropped and wetsuits assorted, the islet’s shallows welcomed them. They swam among iridescent corals. Seaweed swayed at a lethargic pace, pearlescent seashells blinking like stars among a sandy sky.

After a lunch of cubed melons, peppered cucumbers, vegetable cheese sandwiches, and a dessert of Wolffe’s favorite cherry pie, they returned to the waters.

Awakened by the sun’s rays, the turtles emerged from their caves. The youngest was Neyti’s size; the largest neared Wolffe’s height. Dark brown geometric shapes decorated the turtles’ domed shells and long flippers. Their delicate heads poked curiously at the humans.

Wolffe took photos of Kazi and Neyti swimming among the bale. He had a large collection of photos at home: some decorated the wall in his and Kazi’s bedroom; others adorned the main level’s mantelpiece and bookshelves.

The photos were proof. Proof that he’d survived. Proof that he’d got to live out his dreams.

The holorecorder swapped hands. Kazi snapped photos of him and Neyti; Neyti, with artistic flair, captured a few of him and Kazi. Both broke into giggles when Kazi snapped a photo of a turtle biting his foot. He grinned along with them, even if his toes ached.

Eventually, the white, billowy clouds of afternoon gave way to golden-dappled clouds of evening. Pale white hummingbirds whizzed among the islet’s shores and the sailboat. Curled near the hull, Fluffy watched the tiny birds with intrigue.

While Kazi sat alone on the shore, studying Daria’s old necklace and the photo within its locket, Wolffe joined Neyti on the sailboat’s railing. Beneath their hanging feet, the turtles lazed. Neyti peeled a citrus-star. An even split and she offered half to Wolffe. He accepted with a small smile.

“Good day?” Wolffe asked.

Neyti grinned. “The best.”

“Any new painting ideas?”

“Lots. Steiner and I are going to the lighthouse to paint tomorrow.” She plucked a citrus-star piece into her mouth and then scrutinized him. “You have a request.”

“Clever girl,” Wolffe said. Her smug smile earned a low chuckle from him.

Reaching into a pocket of his tossed-aside trousers, Wolffe retrieved his wallet and a small photo tucked within. A photo of him, Kazi, and Neyti in front of the lighthouse last month.

He remembered the moment clearly. The night’s constellations were winking into existence. Gentle waves were lapping at the shore, the temperature cool. He was staring at Kazi, holding Neyti’s hand, when he was struck with the reminder that this was his life. That he was married and had a daughter. That his vode were alive. That he was alive. It was hard to believe, sometimes.

“I’d like a painting of this,” Wolffe said thickly, showing Neyti the photo. “Think you can do that?”

Neyti narrowed her eyes as she appraised the image. “Is it for Mum’s life day?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll do it,” she promised.

He nodded his thanks and carefully tucked the photo back into his wallet.

After a minute of silence, interrupted only by the rocking waves and the whizzing hummingbirds, Neyti peered at him. “Did you like your life day?”

Wolffe considered his daughter for a long moment.

Over the years, she’d grown taller. Most of her adult teeth had come in, though one gap remained. (He hoped it took a long time to fill.) While her quiet nature continued to shape her curious yet shrewd outlook, her sharp wit and stubborn attitude persisted, especially during sparring lessons with Fox.

She still enjoyed her princess stories. She still enjoyed learning new dragon lore. He and Kazi still read to her in bed.

But Neyti was maturing. And he was keen to appreciate each moment of her childhood he had left.

Slipping a piece of citrus-star into his mouth, Wolffe knocked his elbow against Neyti’s. “I couldn’t have asked for a better one.”

As night swarmed and sharks began their hunt, they returned to Outlook Harbor.

A blanket sprawled, bellies warm with vegetable curry, buttered flatbread, and chocolate-covered honeycomb, they settled among the sailboat’s deck. Wolffe accepted a pair of earplugs from Kazi. Neyti nestled herself between them.

An effervescent display of fireworks lit the sky. Streams of silver and gold complimented the swooping figures of dragons. Regal purples and bottomless blues emphasized the dragons’ idiosyncratic prowess.

The world silent, Wolffe split his time between watching the show and observing Kazi and Neyti’s reactions.

Neyti watched the fireworks with a dimpled grin of awe. Kazi spent an equal amount of time watching the displays and studying him. At one of her subtle glances, he tapped the side of his head and winked. He felt an innate satisfaction at her small smile and relaxing posture.

Later that night, locked in their bedroom, entangled on their bed, Wolffe held Kazi closer to his chest. They were both shaking, their breaths ragged. He could still feel her cunt fluttering around his oversensitive cock. He stifled a moan against her shoulder.

Heat thrummed beneath his skin. His mind worked slowly, dazed by his orgasm. Instinctively, he brushed a hand down the smooth skin of Kazi’s spine. Her soft exhale tickled the hair curling around his ear, her thighs flexing around his waist.

“Good?” he asked.

She gave a tired yet content nod and ran a finger along the silver bar piercing his nipple. He shivered at the sensation. His cock twitched inside of her. The corners of her lips quirked in amusement. He offered her a lazy grin. She repeated the touch once more, kissed his cheek, and then maneuvered herself from his lap to the mattress.

Wolffe quickly followed, kneeling between her legs, staring down at her. She was…fuck, she was more beautiful than those rare, sunny days on Kamino.

The moonlight caressed her body in warm shades of amber: the flush to her cheeks, the blackness to her eyelashes, the curves of her breasts, the muscles of her arms. Her unbound hair crowned her head like faded autumnal leaves. Her eyes were dark, bliss-filled.

He surveyed her, his mind blank of coherent thought. All he knew was that he wanted to stay like this for a long time.

“You’re staring,” Kazi murmured.

“Mm-hmm.” Settling himself atop her, he twirled a strand of hair around his finger and then placed a kiss on the underside of her jaw. “Say it.”

She skimmed a palm along his biceps; he trembled at the touch. “I love you,” she whispered.

A kiss to the sensitive spot behind her ear followed. At her breathy sigh, a warm feeling fluttered behind his ribcage. He murmured, “Again.”

“I love you.”

He swallowed and then lowered his face to hers. His mouth brushed the white scar near the corner of her eye. “Again.”

A finger tipped his face back; her eyes danced with affection. “I love you.”

Wolffe smiled at the promise in her words. Their lips grazed. He curled his fingers into her loose hair; he breathed against her skin, “I love you.”

As he deepened the kiss, Kazi brought him closer, her hands trailing across his back. He shuddered beneath her wandering fingers. His cock throbbed. A quiet moan broke their kiss. He pursued her neck. Warm skin welcomed his mouth.

He took his time, tracing the lines of her collarbone with his tongue, sucking long and slow on the underswell of her breasts, skimming his fingers across her ribcage, her throat, her face.

One hand played with his hair; the other massaged his shoulders, the back of his neck. Deep kneading eased the stiffness from his body. A teasing caress of his earlobe made him groan.

Their kisses slowed to lingering; their touches turned drowsy.

Wolffe pressed his forehead against Kazi’s, squeezed her hip, and then lowered himself onto his back. Extending an arm behind her head, he glanced at the nightstand. Atop his trusted notebook sat his present: a silver, sleek wristchrono.

He’d been eyeing it for months. Hell, he should’ve known that Kazi would notice his subtle glances at the shop window each time they visited the harbor.

Wolffe trailed a finger across the tiny, cursive inscription on the ‘chrono’s band: So you can always find your way home. He blinked away the burning sensation behind his eyes.

“Thirty, Wolffe,” Kazi murmured, tracing the initials inked into his fourth finger: K.E. “How does it feel?”

“It doesn’t feel real,” Wolffe admitted. He skimmed his thumb along her shoulder. “I…never thought I could have this. And now…”

Years training with his vode, years believing he’d die on the battlefield, years fighting alongside his men, yet he outlived them all…

He’d never understand why he’d survived. He’d never understand why he’d been allowed to experience this—finding Kazi, raising Neyti, starting his own farm. But he’d learned long ago that he couldn’t control fate. And those men who’d died—they’d want him to live the life they didn’t get to. He owed them. And he’d make the most of what he was given.

“I’m glad this is real,” he said quietly. “Real fucking glad.”

A thoughtful hum sounded from Kazi, and she peered at him: hesitant yet curious. “Do you feel alive?”

Wolffe thought back to years ago, to stars reflected among a stilled lake’s surface, to lightning bugs flickering among an overgrown jungle, to hazel eyes rounded with vulnerability and soft lips he wanted to touch, to a quiet conversation he’d never forgotten.

“Yeah. I do.” He let out a chuckle, surprised by the swiftness of his answer. Surprised by the truth behind it. He searched Kazi’s gaze. “Do you?”

A slow smile lit her face, wide and dimpled and so full of life. “I do.”

For a long time, Wolffe basked in her smile and the heat of her body curled against his, and when she kissed the side of his throat, he turned his gaze to the skylights. The Dancing Dragons twinkled, their central star bright in the night sky. Kazi nuzzled her nose against his jaw; he mapped the tattoo on her spine.

“Tell me the story, Kazi,” he murmured. “Start from the beginning.”

He felt her smile against his neck. As she started to speak, he closed his eyes, sinking into the mattress, relaxing into the lavender scent of her hair and the sleepy lilt of her voice:

“Every night a female dragon soared amongst the stars.”

Masterlist | Chapter 31

A/N: For a deeper look into this story and its characters, check out the Behind the Scenes.

Artwork of Kazi, Wolffe, and Neyti by the phenomenal @pinkiemme!

#I Yearn and so I Fear #commander wolffe x oc: kazi ennari

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