#That's all we need sometimes

[patchwork-crow-writes]

84 - Emptiness

I am hollow, an aching pit where a heart should be. A needy shell that feeds upon anything it can, whether food or favour, pain or pleasure. Grabbing hands reach greedily into the world, mucky fingerprints marking everything I touch... mine, I cry! Mine! Yet more do I crave, more than anyone could need... can nothing fulfill my insatiable greed?

It's clasping and clawing, The darkness is yawning, A fathomless yearning The beast hungers, roaring!

If you were to touch me, I would splinter and shatter. An egg with no yolk, an embryonic void. I take and take and take, and yet nothing ever satiates me! I cannot bear your sadness, so happy must you be! There can be no sorrow greater than my own; soon you shall leave, and I'll once more be alone.

My facade is cracking, My soul shivers, creaking, My black heart is quaking And my world is breaking!

Your kindness is the light that plays upon a mirrorlike sea, but which fears to venture to the darkness beneath. Won't you look upon me, my twinkling stars, reach out a hand into the abyss of my heart?! A walking black hole, a singularity of sorrow; ceaseless consumption and nothing but empty hands to show for it! Flee far from me, please, oh wondrous lights, ere I consume you too before long. I'll draw you in, drag you down like teeth from the deep, and I'll never let go until death set us free.

Thus I lay rejected, Unwanted, infected, Loneliness confected Hopelessness perfected.

______________________________

The Dark Menagerie No. 84

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[lazylittledragon]

relocating

(psst this is not on webtoon but it has its own ig now)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

None of our hands are clean

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[uncanny-tranny]

Amatonormativity has destroyed so many people's understanding and acceptance of themselves, and it's heartbreaking.

Yes, it is normal to be in your 20s, 30s, or older and not have lost your virginity, had a first kiss, or a partner. It is normal to say that you aren't ready for those things, too! It is normal if your life doesn't follow the "college graduate -> engagement -> buying a home -> 2.5 kids and a dog" trajectory that so many people have idealized.

So many people associate maturity with losing your virginity, or having a first kiss, or a serious relationship, and I think that's a dangerous association. Maturity isn't gained through those things, and you don't have to have those experiences to be considered "mature" or "grown." It is not a bad thing to go at your pace. Nobody else can live your life but you. If you end up having those experiences, that's great! But it should be done because you want to experience them, not because you feel "broken" and "immature" without them.

[corpsentry]

pick your battles

[sesamestreep]

I really feel like one of the best details in “A Scandal in Bohemia” that I never see people fixate on enough is that the story starts with Watson stopping in to see Holmes at Baker Street on a complete whim, because he happens to see that he’s home (and Watson is now married and living elsewhere). Like he doesn’t send word first, he’s not invited, he just shows up and surprises Holmes. Which is not that weird but then Holmes is like “oh good, I’ve got a case anyway, you might as well hang out!” which just makes it funnier when the King shows up and is like “I’d really rather speak to you alone, actually” and Watson tries to leave and Holmes is just like “anything you can say to me, you can say to my best friend John Watson, and if you ask him to leave, I would consider it a grave insult, you would be my enemy and I will not help you ever!!” And the king is like “…ok” and just moves on.

like, that is crazy behavior. Holmes is talking about how there’s probably lots of money in this case, and then almost turns away the client for…not knowing who the fuck Watson is?? He’s not even supposed to be there?? He just came to say hi?? “It is both or none”… girl, GET UP.

[archiepelago]

alternate surface au inspired by a few ive seen around on tumblr :3

[karenandhenwilson]

"Then you have to stop judge him. […] It was scarier, more confusing, and not half as accepting. And so sometimes we did things to protect ourselves, things that we might not be proud of, that in a post Glee world look less than noble, but … you don't judge the people who came before you. The ones who fought battles you didn't have to. — Because they have scars. You honor their scars, and you thank them." Josh Russo (9-1-1)

We've all many reason to hate the episode. But we also need to remember Josh here. And his words. And Bryan's performance. Because I think, for me personally, this might just be the most important monologue of this season, no matter what else we'll see.

[cjlouwho]

Bucktommy cuddling in bed, please? Doesn't have to lead to anything, just them being soft.

Since their third date, when Buck told Tommy about his fears after getting struck by lightning and how he spent so long texting Bobby every morning to make sure everything was alright, Buck woke up to a text from Tommy.

Without fail.

Five straight months of 6am texts. Even the days he was working, when he was already awake and had been for a while, he'd still get a text to check in.

That's why Buck's heart nearly sunk directly to the floor when he checked his phone one morning at 6:32am, right after they'd gotten back from a call, to see that Tommy hadn't texted him.

He hesitated briefly, but sent Tommy a heart, followed by a everything okay?

Another thing Tommy had always been great at is answering Buck back quickly. The only time he didn't, or couldn't, was when he was working.

And he wasn't working today.

It didn't take long for Bobby to notice him glaring down at his phone.

“What's wrong, Buck?”

“Oh,” Buck put his phone back in his pocket, waving Bobby off. “It's nothing. No big deal.”

“You sure? Looks like it might be. Everything okay?”

Buck let out a sigh, then explained. “Tommy hasn't missed a morning of texting me for five months. Every single morning, six on the dot.”

“I'm guessing there was no text today?”

Buck shook his head. “No. I texted him, but I haven't heard back. Maybe... Maybe he just overslept? Or forgot, or something.”

“Okay,” Bobby replied with a nod, “well, go get changed and head on out. We've got it covered.”

“But, Cap-”

“Shift ends in thirty minutes anyway. And we both know you won't be able to let it go until you make sure he's alright. Need Eddie to tag along?”

“N- No, I.. I'm sure I'm overreacting.”

“Text me and let me know once you know. And Buck?”

“Yeah, Cap?”

“Try not to panic.”

Not willing to make any promises, Buck turned and headed for his locker.

*****

It took him nearly half an hour to get to Tommy's place, and he didn't think twice about using the key Tommy had given him a couple months back to let himself in. Especially since he still hadn't heard a word from him.

“Tommy?” He spoke cautiously as he entered the house, trying to keep calm against all the negative thoughts running through his mind.

No answer.

The house was dark. It didn't look like Tommy had been up at all. If it weren't for his car out front, Buck wouldn't think he was there.

He moved further into the house, heading down the hall toward Tommy's bedroom.

“Tommy?” His voice was shaky this time, unsteady.

The door squeaked as he pushed it open, but he immediately sighed a breath of relief when the body tangled up under the covers moved.

“Evan?” Tommy questioned, eyes squinting toward him in confusion. “Why're you here?”

“I'm checking on you.” Buck toed off his shoes and walked over to the bed, crawling up beside Tommy. “Are you okay?” he asked, reaching out and resting a hand over his forehead. “You don't feel hot.”

“M'fine,” Tommy answered, wrapping the blankets tighter around his neck. His voice still sounded rough from sleep. “What time is it? You're supposed to be at work.”

“It's a little past seven. I got worried when I didn't get a text from you this morning. Cap let me leave early.”

“Seven?” Tommy looked even more confused by that. He turned and grabbed his phone off the nightstand, shoulders slumping when he confirmed the time. “God, Evan, I'm sorry. I- I didn't know.”

“It's okay,” Buck assured him. “I'm just glad you're not severely injured or dead, like my head decided you were on the way over.”

Tommy smiled softly, holding out his arms for Buck to come lay in.

Happily, Buck pushed the comforter back on his usual side of the bed and laid beside Tommy, resting his head on his chest.

With one of Tommy's hands soothingly rubbing up and down his back, and the other massaging at his scalp, Buck almost allowed himself to be completely at ease.

Almost.

Because he still knew that something was wrong, even if he couldn't quite figure it out yet.

After pressing a kiss to Tommy's pec, Buck asked again, “Are you okay?”

Tommy took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before he answered. “My mom died thirty years ago today,” he admitted.

Buck stilled, then brought his arm to wrap tighter around Tommy's waist. “Oh, Tommy, I- I had no idea.” He leaned up slightly to be able to look at him. “You didn't tell me before, did you? Because-”

“No, no. I don't ever really talk about it, so I'm sure I've never mentioned it.”

Carefully, Buck rolled off of Tommy, lying flat on the bed. He pulled Tommy along with him, having him rest inside his arms instead. “I decided you're the one needing held today,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of Tommy's head.

Tommy laid on him with his eyes closed, listening to the sound of Buck's heart thumping in his chest. “I don't usually miss her this much,” he said. “I mean, I always miss her, but anniversaries don't usually make it worse.”

“Grief has a way of sneaking up on you when you don't expect it.”

“Yeah,” Tommy agreed. “It's kind of a pain in the ass.”

Buck huffed out a laugh. “Yes, it is.”

“I just... I think about talking to her a lot. Telling her about my life, you know?”

“Mhm.”

“And there's always been updates here and there. She would have hated me being in the army. Would've been worried sick. She would still worry about me as a firefighter, but she would have been proud. But I think,” he paused, snuggling closer to Buck, “I think this is the first time I could've told her all about my personal life, not just the work stuff.”

Buck's hand stilled from where his fingertips had lightly been brushing over Tommy's arm. “Oh yeah?” he asked.

“Yeah. All these years I've just gone over what work accomplishments I could have talked to her about. I didn't even think about that this time.”

Carefully, Buck scooted further down into the bed. He maneuvered them around until they were both on their sides facing one another. He tangled their legs together, and they each slung an arm around the other's waist.

“What would you have said?” Buck asked. “About your life?”

Tommy smiled. “You wanna hear me talk about you?”

“Oh, this life conversation includes me?” Buck replied cheekily. “I guess that's just a plus.”

Tommy stared into Buck's eyes as he thought over his words. “I would've told her that my friend Howie called me one day and asked me for an insane favor. A favor I probably should've thought twice about, but I didn't. And how he showed up with these two other guys who I'd never seen before. Then one of those guys would go on to make me happier than I ever thought possible.”

Even as he teared up, a smile grew on Buck's face. “You mean Eddie, don't you?”

That got a laugh out of Tommy. A big laugh where his eyes closed and his nose scrunched up. “I'd also tell her he always knows how to make me feel better. And he's good to me, and for the first time in my life I feel complete.”

“You do?” Buck asked, eyes going soft.

“I do. I'd tell her that this guy never stops surprising me. How he cares so deeply about everyone around him that I constantly have to remind him that he exists too. How fiercely protective he is. How safe I feel with him.”

Buck fought at blinking his tears away. He cleared his throat. “Do you think your mom would wanna meet me?”

“Oh, I know she'd wanna meet you. She'd be crazy about you.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

“Good. Because I'd like to tell her more about her son.”

“Evan.”

“I'm serious.” Buck brought his hand to Tommy's face, stroking his cheek. “I'd love to tell her what a great job she did raising you. How gentle you are, how loving and patient you are. How you always listen, and you seem to know how I'm feeling before I do. How I- I'd love to spend the rest of my life beside you, if you'd let me.”

Tommy swallowed hard. “Really?”

Buck nodded.

It wasn't a proposal. They didn't even live together yet. But it was a promise. A promise of a future together without an expiration date.

Tommy cradled himself into Buck's arms again. “I love you so much, Evan.”

Buck held him tight, hoping the depth of love he had for Tommy could be felt through his touch. “I love you too, Tommy.”

[yeye23]

Took a break to make such a masterpiece

[nudibutch]

as someone who has unknowingly been in a "mentally unstable femme/do anything for you butch" [i was the do anything for you butch] dynamic i have to say it did severe damage to me and my idea of self worth. i was walked on in horrendous ways. i was not treated like a human or a person with feelings. i was manipulated. i was sexually coerced to do things that no one should ask someone else to do. it has taken me the better part of a decade to recognize the damage this did to me, and it took a strong network of friends (and a particularly supportive and protective femme friend) to help me realize that i deserved to be treated like a person.

i am really tired of seeing butches and femmes alike endorse the idea this is uwucute. its not. its extremely damaging. butches, please find your self worth. recognize that you have needs too. femmes, respect that butches are people. saying mentally unstable femmes use service-oriented butches is downright wrong and disrespectful. i dont care if its a joke or memepost. im exhausted. i know there is a lot of loneliness in being butch and femme. but we don't need to be glorifying unhealthy relationship dynamics, even as a joke. you can get the dynamic you seek (dominance and control) from healthy individuals that respect your personhood. everyone in the community deserves better.

[deerspherestudios]

Helloooooo!!! I hope you’re doing well! How would you say Mycheal is at comforting sad people? And how best is he comforted if he’s sad? Thank you and have a lovely day!

In a way, Day 2 was Mychael trying to comfort you after thinking about your lost cat! He's kinda bad with what to say so he thinks distracting you is the best thing he could do. Maybe he'll cook you something delicious, or bring you out for an outing with an activity like a picnic of sorts! Anything to get your mind off of it <3

As for comforting him, he's not the kind to talk his feelings out. He just needs proximity like being near you or having a part of him touch you, like leaning against you or having his tail around your arm while he figures it out on his own. He rarely has sad days, but when he does he kinda needs to wallow in it and have you with him when he gets out of that funk.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Conceal, don't feel, don't let it show.

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[hotcinnamonsunset]

Alex Claremont Diaz + tank tops

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

[nedlittle]

[id in alt text]