#That's 50+ gods I gotta rewrite

[themadwomanherself]

It's funny to me that I should be working on my active story, yet I find myself either making more lore for the Precursors and Ancestors from Halo or working on other story ideas for Demon Slayers.

My motivation for Pale Blue Dot might be shot, but it certainly isn't for my other story ideas.

[sapphicdib]

Hows the rest of the general iterator community taking the rot situation Pebs and Sig have going on in your au? It’s interesting how they still have a form of rot but the taboo thing actually got removed!

OOOH! So…the wider iterator populous is Not Happy with them. This situation basically divides ancient society, one camp is grovelling at Their Iterator’s feet begging them not to infect themselves, while the other camp is campaigning for Their Iterator to be killed/decommissioned before it can kill them. Needless to say, this creates a lot of tension between iterators and their citizens, tension that they REALLY don’t want. There are a couple iterators (Wind especially) who try to make work groups to help fix Pebbs and Sig, but in the back of their minds they know it’s futile. Hell, there are even a couple that want to join them! It kinda depends on an iterator-by-iterator basis, but the *general* consensus is they’re pissed off at them. God…not to go into CW and NSH’s relationship too deeply but they’re incredibly close (CW is older than Sig by like…50 cycles at most), and Wind is…horrified. He is very active in the politics and religion of his citizens, so he knows how BAD this has affected them, but he can’t help but sympathize with NSH. The whole reason they’re so close is because they play video games together and NSH listens to him bitch about how annoying his colony is! Sig knows more than anyone how complex Wind’s feelings are towards the ancients, and he knows it wasn’t personal, but…he just wants his friend back. And who knows, maybe he’ll be convinced to infect himself too. I mean, think about it, he’s already his citizens’ leader…might as well have *real* power over them, right?

As for the rot thing, I’m still trying to decide if Sig n Pebbs meant to create the rot or if it was just a side effect of the genome rewrite. On one hand, if they purposefully made the rot, it would help deter their citizens from going into their structures, thus decreasing the chance that their citizens could attempt to “fix” them, since the rot would kill them if they tried to go into their cans! However…it is a lot more tragic if they didn’t mean to create the rot, if it was just some unforeseen side effect that slowly destroys them from the inside out. A “punishment” for wanting free will, so to speak. I still gotta figure that part out!

THANK YOU FOR YHE ASK! Dear fucking god I hope this is coherent. I did my VERY best to focus on spelling everything right but I am such a lightweight and i’ve had. well. a significant amount of vodka. THANK YOU FOR ASKING ME THIS, I LOVE RAMBLIBG ABOUT MY SILLY AU!! Hopefully if Im not hungover tomorrow (trust me, i’m drinking water! …like five pebbles haha) Im totally gonna finish this rot au sunstone piece I have in the works!!!!!! Thank u!!!!! This was fun to ramble about :DDDDDD

If anyone wants to invade my ask box about my rot au (or tbh any rain world topic in general) go ahead!! I’m very drunk and very bored!

[bearbait-adventures]

I just finished Perfect For Me and I just gotta say. One of the best fics ever. Of all time. It's so soft and so good! I love Spartan caboose and Omega Caboose and combining them is so so so- it makes me want to pick something up in my teeth like a dog and do the Prey Shake. I want to BITE ITS SO GOOD. Also Wash being absolutely WHIPPED for Caboose before their first kiss? YES! YES! YES! God, the threat from Felix? I wanted to tear his throat out with my teeth you did that so well.

I thank you so much. My brain is going 50 million miles an hour thinking up scenarios and questions and general thoughts for these two in this dynamic and I AAAAA its to much and to fast to write down coherently so I simply say Thank You.

Do you have any ideas or headcanons about it you never got to write out? If so I would love to hear them.

First of all. Thank you so much ><. Perfect for Me is my favorite one. Also, it's the first one I actually wrote. My favorite thing is Spartan Caboose. Another one of my favorite things is alpha/beta/omega dynamics, specifically when the omega is 'different from the norm.' In this case, a big powerful omega(Caboose) with a smaller alpha (Washington). I JUST LOVE IT.

Someday, I might edit/rewrite it a bit since it was my first one, and I feel like I have gotten better since then.

There are a lot of HCs in that fic. One of which is how Tucker and Caboose get along. They are buds, and Caboose is protective of him they have a system. Wing-man Tucker is great.

Also, Sarge secretly taking care of Caboose while he's alone in a strange roundabout way. There's just a lot of things in there ><. If you have more questions, I would be more than willing to answer them. I love comments and asks. And talking about Washingboose.

[the-witchs-cafe]

what do the other witches or you in that matter? think of oktavia von seckendorff aka sayaka witch form does she ever come to the café and if she does, does she bring any friends??

We hold deep respects towards the holy quintet and the efforts Madoka Kaname went through to bring peace to every damned soul throughout existence; it...failed to take some cracks within existence and certain realities beyond her own into consideration, unfortunately, but we still do appreciate her actions. ^^;

In regards to Oktavia, why, she's one of the most popular topics of conversation here- some of our clients even speak of her and the rest as though they were celebrities! We unfortunately seldom see them passing through our little establishment, but, when she does pass around here, I often see her speaking to that other, smaller knight; from what I've eavesdropped, they do like to talk about the similarities they held, and how they've both messed up in spectacular ways, but can anyone blame them? They were both kids- kids who had to take up the mantle of someone else throughout their lives and tried to dedicate themselves to this ideal of "heroism" and "legend" instilled into them throughout the years...

Sorry; I didn't mean to gossip or anything! I just find it rather sweet that the both of them found solace in one another after everything they went through...

(fun fact; while I was studying, I made a badly drawn comic of Oktavia and Ophelia reenacting this meme with our big ol' fishy bringing in Sayf al-Muharib, Kealamauloa Kinimaka, and a box of malasadas back home! I think I might redraw it in the future; 50% for the meme, and 50% because she deserves to have a vacation in Alola and Galar.)

(also I am so gonna rewrite Sayf's descent to despair in an eventual redux of the megapost, oh my god, that segment SUCKED. I have a better grasp on Hop's characterization now and an idea on how to improve it in mind! Just gotta finish the Penny megapost tho...)

[ribbitdeltarune]

the post like i said. its been 2 days later (maybe a bit more. im a bit late at this point..) But! 14 of november! My birthday !!! :p didnt do anything for myself but i did spend some (more like a ton) time with friends

so ahead will just be rambling . read if u want

Alriiight so. i am. Dead. i dont post very often . Thats bcuz i dont actually have a active online presence when it comes 2 posting lol this is sorta my first time . however i did post a few times on twitter before and got a decent following but that was basically never anyway . Thank you all for (checks notes) 19 followers! That. is a first actually

however i also kinda have 2 apologize since i dont post a lot which makes this account.. uh, semi-inactive? shrug. as i did mention before in a prev post i am holding back a lotta stuff that i havent posted yet . oops! i personally dont like posting irl photos because 1) i am actually dogwater at taking photos, 3) my camera quality sucks and 2) i dont actually draw on A4 paper very often or like notebook paper at all lol. (its this small one thats more like a notebook to write stuff down stuff you gotta remember, an agenda or whatever. not like i care i use it to draw anyway. it aint got lines its just full white paper (sometimes colored depending on the one i buy) so its for drawing in my view.) but the bad thing is most drawings i made of ribbit so far are... On Paper.

Now. I can just upload them as is but i dont like doing that . i can also just make them digital drawings but if you think im capable of doing that without immediately doing something else you may be wrong

Speaking of thats mostly why this acc is also semi-inactive . whenever i DO draw digitally im probably also doing another thing at the same time so i get distracted and then get stuck on doing something else completely and forget i have to draw!!! Oopsies. im also bad at executing things (''man im gonna draw ribbit right now'' (doesnt do it) (its also a 50/50 if i actually do it or not)) so thats part of it. do i Think posting and/or drawing ribbit stuff is a chore? Not really. i actually like drawing stuff 4 this fandom and im attached 2 the characters + the mod anyway so its not like im gonna stop This soon . not even a year in yet!

I also have a lot of ideas so i hop between 'em a lot (i have so many animations/animatics in mind but guess who cant animate and also drawing frames take longer than just drawing sighs)... thats why most posts on here is just doodles so far .

to be fair though i have been in a . Uh. I guess fine. Maybe a bit bad headspace as of a few weeks now so i havent really gotten the urge/want to post rn and who knows how long that'll take to go away anyway. thinking of trying 2 get sum stuff finished and then queueing a few posts just so i can get some brainworms out of ma head . and Who Knows if i'll really do that. Future Is Mystery!

Oh and to add i still need to finish or get to like maybe the 5th chapter for a fic im working on rn so theres that too. im still on chapter 4 (progress is fine. i think ill rewrite the dream segment?) and then i will Hopefully get 2 work on chapter 5. god bless being unable to execute things AND to spice it up focus on things (sarcasm)

i am however kinda busy these days. Schoolnstuff. I get in drawing moods a lot (literally everyday bro i dont get burnt out easily or get demotivated that much bc i just finish it eventually anyway) but i need to pass math to pass the year itself so maybe no art posts until thats done. i might post every now and then though. Speaking of posting! Did you know VeeReMia is actually a pun on viremia which is, ''a medical term for viruses present in the bloodstream''. vee came first as part of the instrumental theme, and then maxine added the other syllables. Fun isnt it (i cant stop thinking about it now)

Thanks for reading . I think thats all. Maybe. Shrug.

Also current pfp is placeholder i also need 2 make one BANGS FISTS ON TABLE REPEATEDLY

[ibijau]

I think the problem with Valcamon and the Magpie King's story as it currently is, is that the pacing sucks. But it is kind of difficult to figure out how to pace a story that takes place over that many years (from the start of their connection to the very end of their whole thing, minimum 40 years I'd say? maybe 50?)

The Very Important moments are:

Val and Magpie getting together (which alone spans years because Magpie is a child when he first meets Val, but it takes a good decade before anything happens between them due to, well, Magpie being a literal child at first, and Val having so many emotional issues that he can't imagine being loved)

Magpie getting his identity stolen, and being murdered by Val who cannot recognise him. This leads to years of the Magpie King attacking their village/region in an effort to kill the impostor/get revenge for being murdered

Val leaving their home to atone for the murder (exile in the current version, maybe a pilgrimage if I rewrite), and while away meeting one of the Magpie King's mortal shells who he falls in love with, leading to him realising that not only the impostor treated him like shit, but so had the entire people he spent centuries protecting (this is probably the part that takes place in the shortest amount of time)

I just don't know how to pace all this so it isn't boring, and how to balance things out between creating a compelling mystery around what happened to the Magpie King that unravels in the second and third part, and making it clear that, well, something did happen. If that makes sense?

I gotta figure this out, somehow.

And also figure out how to organically bring up Magpie's great feud with another god who helped and supported his impostor.

Writing's hard and I don't know why I do this to myself

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

galactic commander part 2 tomorrow probably btw

[jovialjuggernaut-draws]

I posted 741 times in 2022

493 posts created (67%)

248 posts reblogged (33%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jovialjuggernaut-draws

@drones-art

@the-alice-of-hearts

@jovialjuggernaut

@forevercloudnine

I tagged 507 of my posts in 2022

Only 32% of my posts had no tags

#riddlebat - 224 posts

#batriddler - 200 posts

#riddler - 189 posts

#batman - 142 posts

#bruce wayne - 110 posts

#edward nygma - 94 posts

#the riddler - 93 posts

#edward nashton - 78 posts

#the batman (2022) - 55 posts

#edward nigma - 50 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#also im in a discord w lfwrites and. she said this was also sent to her so like. not really inclined to respond to a prompt sent en masse

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Literally ran to ur blog as soon as I could pick my brain back off the theater floor to post comprehensibly what r ur thoughts I am so AAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAA

oh my god no thoughts im screaming

holy shit

1) eddie was SO horny. the whole time. he kept up a boner in every fucking scene. that man was the horniest hes ever been. i think he came in his pants when he got cuffed. AND THEN STARED BRUCE IN THE EYE AFTER sticky pants and theres his fucking Beloved watching him hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2) the arkham breakdown.......... he fully believed bruce would fall in love with him then and there........... this really was the same eddie as batman forever he had the same exact pair of glasses and he was just as convinced one conversation would drop that man to one knee ring in hand

hed practiced that speech so many times but never saw past his heart eyes BRUCE you could have done something there!!! YES hes unhinged but now hes unhinged AND has your voice replaying eternally in his head digging at him hhhhhhhhhh god i love bruce making these men worse

3) Batmobile.... Sexy.

4) Bat boots...... Sexy.

5) Selina owns no good wigs and thats so funny. shes wearing the 5 dollarest wigs she could find

6) bruce punching gordo. bruce and gordo besties. this was a buddy cop comedy.

7) bruces shirtless scene being his fucking conspiracy board scene.................... if eddie had seen THAT fucking CHRIST heda been all over him like jam on bread i tell u hwat

tangentially bruce and eddie the same man. stalkers. creeps. standing there silently. watching waiting etc. love when theyre similar makes me fuzzy inside

the fact that bruce just instantly guesses the right thing to find the next clue so many times he and eddie think EXACTLY the same way theyre on SUCH a wavelength!!! the same fucking wavelength!!!!

anyway my brains fucking scattered and i need time to process and im so fucking hhhhhhhhhhgghh

i gotta write i gotta draw i gotta cosplay eddie in his lil arkham outfit w his shitty collar i need to learn to sing ave maria i love that man with my whole heart and soul i cant believe i wasnt kicked out of the theater i got so many compliments on my eddie jacket

296 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

#4

WHO ELSE LOSING THEIR MINDS TONIGHT

328 notes - Posted October 12, 2022

#3

himmmmmmmmmm

397 notes - Posted March 6, 2022

#2

today.... i am thinking about....

bruce taking the rats from eddies apartment home bc theres no one to take care of them w eddie in arkham and he looks up absolute mountains of rat care info and gets them an absolutely MASSIVE enclosure, fucking floor to ceiling, 5-6 levels, different stairs and platforms etc to get to each level, different chew toys on every level, and theyre fat and happy and he sometimes w take one out to sit on his shoulder and nibble at his hair when he needs a Rubber Duck for a case

and maybe also he goes to visit eddie in arkham once in a while and updates him abt how the rats r doing and its just that little connection between them like hes given the rats a better life as a proxy for edward and

anyway. bruces new pet rats.

601 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I find your power to rewrite history (create random bondage edits that get so high on google images that multiple people believe the Riddler just regularly wears rope under his clothes) to be awe-inspiring, and everyone should follow you if only to hear the next words of a prophet. What is the new fanon, wise one?

bruce wayne trans

835 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[garrothromeave]

let’s talk about minecraft diaries rebirth.

and why it’s literally amazing. (warning: this will contain spoilers. lots of them. also, long post ahead.)

i think a lot of people hate mcdr because they were expecting a remake; but the point of rebirth is for jess to rewrite it. it wasn't supposed to be exactly the same.

honestly i went into mcdr with a closed mind. as an og mcd fan, i thought that this was going to suck ass and that i'd rant about how bad it was to my friends later. but actually watching it, i just... couldn't help but immediately fall in love with it.

ik im probably the only motherfucker that likes mcdr, but honestly how could i not? for one, garroth and zenix actually have personalities at the beginning. AND; the villagers? actually amazing. donna made me smile, visher made me laugh and cry, brendan was just bein as good as ever. like... i even didn't despise emmalyn with every ounce of my soul like i usually do?? the characterizations of them were GOOD, man.

and honestly, aphmau like--the way she spoke, her whole thing. it was reallyyy well done in my opinion. she was oblivious to things, but it wasn't overdone and wasn't done in a way to make her annoying. she's a very appealing character in mcdr, a main protagonist i do not mind following along with. her dynamics to the characters are really cool and all very unique.  gonna cut it here so i don’t clog y’all’s feed cuz i got a lot to say :)

the early use of aphmau’s powers was actually pretty cool as well, it also really showed how clueless aphmau really was to everything going on around her. AND UH, THE FACT THAT SHE THOUGHT THAT GARROTH FELT FAMILIAR? GOLDEN. absolutely golden.

AND GENE OH BOY, the early introduction of gene? ik a lot of people are upset about it, but god DAMN i love it so much. his role in the story is very important in original, and i cannot express how much joy this brought me learning that he was actually getting the proper attention for it. and the fact that gene and aphmau were working together?? i mean ik gene was just trying to use her to get back to the "shadow abyss" (pretty pog replacement for the nether, gg) but god DAMN i loved every moment of it. i found their dynamic to be pretty fuckin funny to be honest, would absolutely love to see more of it.

i might be biased considering gene is one of my absolute favorite characters, but i honestly think that introducing gene this early on in the story was a good move. again, he's literally the right-hand man to the shadow lord. it makes you really wonder why he didn't have as much of an important role in season 1 or even 2 of the original mcd plotline. also, we get some of that good-ol-fashioned exposition with seeing early on how vylad and gene interact. vylad’s at a very strange point in the story right now; his motives are unclear, even to the side he’s ‘supposed’ to be taking (aka, a shadow knight.)  another early introduction to a character is zane! this, my friends, is good. really good. i’d say that zane is the main antagonist of season 1 in the original series--and he wasn’t even introduced until like, episode 50. it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but him being introduced this early on really gives the audience a better understanding of what threats are out there and what our protagonist will have to encounter in the future. in the original series, there’s not much explanation as to why lords are disappearing/dying left and right--and while yes, that was supposed to be the mystery of it, having some of that early information is a better move in terms of writing. 

AND IVAN?? BEING A PART OF THE JURY OF NINE?? I COULD NOT HAVE ASKED FOR ANYTHING MORE LIKE GOD DAMN that was a very pleasant surprise i'll just say that, thank you jess :)

and no i did not loop the 4 minutes of screentime laurance got in that one episode haha who would do that i would never do that anyways

SPEAKING of laurance, im so glad jess actually wrote him in this early :) she totally could have just waited for the first time aphmau visits meteli and meets him there, but no! she put him in an early episode. i dont even care if she did it just to shut up the fans about laurance but man that made me so happy seeing him, even if it was only for a bit.

okay i kinda wanna go over the guards real fast firstly; garroth. ignoring how weird the helmet showing emotions is, i really like how garroth is portrayed. he's under a lot of pressure because the village is putting a lot of the blame on him for malik's death, and he's trying his hardest to keep things running. the fact that garroth utterly refused the to take up the position of lord and even got a little snappy about it was actually really cool to see as well. and while he doesn’t have that same “reserved, quiet, observant” feel as the original mcd version of him had, this version of garroth is absolutely awesome. he’s more direct and blunt, is significantly more sarcastic, and isn’t as stiff or as much as a pushover as he is in the original. he even has a sense of humour. also, no homo, but he’s kinda adorable.  plus, the desperation that he goes through during the whole thing is just--it’s really cool to see how hard he’s trying to prove himself and help the village. my rating for mcdr garroth? 9/10. the helmet... the helmet is the main thing throwin me off, i can’t lie. next, zenix. oh BOY do i have a lot to say about this man. first of all, his and garroth’s dynamic is incredible. when i saw how the interacted with each other, my first thought was: father and son. zenix has this immaturity to him that is so fucking fun and interesting to watch, and seeing how garroth scolds him is so fuckin good man. and! seeing how he interacts with the rest of the village... honestly, if jess ever picks this story up again, i would probably cry when zenix (literally) backstabs garroth. HELL, i hope that’s something that still happens, it’d be heartbreaking to witness this character that we’ve come to love hurting his mentor, the man who took him in. he’s just a really good character all in all, and much more appealing than the original mcd zenix. ...except season 3 zenix. no zenix can be better than that one.  either way, zenix is amazing written to be the comic relief and he’s just an all-out lovable character in this series.  finally, dale and brian. yes i’m going to group them up because there’s not much to say regarding them, but i do want to address them. for starters, we have brian; who’s already 16 when the story starts. good on jess for doing that, because in the original aphmau watched brian be born and age INCREDIBLY quick, haha. THOUGH i do feel like there’s a slight connection lost there--one of the hardest things about brian’s betrayal in the original series in the fact that we watched him grow up in phoenix drop. we were there from the moment he was born, to the second he betrayed phoenix drop. BUT OF COURSE, this version is a lot more realistic, so it’s understandable. i just think that if it’s brian who’ll be betraying phoenix drop again (if it even goes down that same route), it won’t hit as hard unless jess really takes the time to grow the connection between brian and aphmau.  as for dale; gotta admit, love it. and like, i think one of the main things about how good of a call it was to make him a drunkard from the beginning is considering how much the village is struggling. the fact that the second-in-command is literally drunk all of the time really conveys the message of, “yeah. this village needs help.” plus, he’s another good comic relief character. i loved seeing molly and dale’s relationship too, it was very funny.  PLUS. we were blessed with a well scene, in which aphmau had to help villagers out of the well. i don’t know about you guys, but that was one of my favorite nods to the original series. i cannot thank jess enough for that, there was a smile on my face the entire time. another amazing thing--visher’s character. instead of just being introduced to this quirky lil merchant who only had one or two interactions with aphmau like in the first one, we got to sit there and really get a feel for someone worth remembering and worth mourning over. we had a reason to be sad over his death, it wasn’t just some npc getting blown up suddenly. this was different, and this hurt.  one of the major things that i hope is to come out of this is for jess to fix the major mistakes she had when writing the first series. she’d expressed how unhappy she was with some of the decisions she made, and i’m glad that she’s getting that second chance to undo the things she didn’t like. this series also gives her a second chance to really, really dig into characters and their motives. like, gimme laurance backstory in better detail. or like, garroth and zane’s relationship from back when they were kids? or how vylad died and who killed him? etc etc. she’s already done an excellent job so far, and i can’t wait to see where this goes. that is, if she ever continues it. god, i wish there were more episodes so that i could seriously let you guys know how beautiful of a series this is. there’s so much i want to say about rebirth, but i think i’ll stop here. i might say some more shit about it later, but if there’s anything i’d want you to take away from this, it’s: give minecraft diaries rebirth a chance. there’s a lot of potential, and this is a chance for jess to really change things for the better! ... but again, that is if this ever is continued. 

[archvillain]

this is jordan i’m too lazy to log in but uhhh zenos yae galvus? andddd let’s get some thots on gin ichimaru and endrance .hack//GU

(zenos voice) MORE!

i can only answer this for zenos as far as the end of stormblood, which, for zenos, feels like nothing at all... if this WAS the end, i'd have to say he didn't get enough screen time. truly. there was not enough in stormblood for me to form a strong opinion

that being said:

if they were real i would be afraid of them: this guy has MASSIVE creep by radiohead playing over his shoulder 24/7 no deodorant smells like a convention hall vibes. in modern au, he brings his katana collection to the con, gets panned at security for bringing real ass knives, and complains to his dad the governor mildly about it

not as deep as they seem: this bitch sure does say a lot to say nothing at all

i want to carry them in a handbag like a tiny dog: what can i say i love a freaque

why do they look like that: completely self-explanatory. his ass.... has its own zip code.... but ONLY his ass. got that wasp proportions. gonna bring me back to the hive lookin' ass. i gotta bag on him 3x as hard because im competing w him for my husband's love btw

they're a horrible person: this is the second time it was such a non-take i had to edit it back in

wasted potential: i could really mark this down to bleach being a school combat competition anime gone telenova but gin's story bugs the hell outta me. continuing this thought ->

not as deep as they seem: i'm using this as a reverse-they work better as part of a dynamic square. i have major beef with his story, motivations, and KEY HEEL-TURN WHICH ALTERS THE ENTIRE STORY being based around his feelings being for a woman that he shares like no memorable dialogue with. i just prefer a guy to be self-motivated, or like, if he's gonna sacrifice his life on a whim, i want him to be motivated by chemistry that happens on screen. i could rewrite gin from the ground up to be a snarling distrustful stray dog taken in off the streets by a kind but ultimately clumsy rangiku, but that'd still be doing him a disservice, because it's still a "die for het" kinda trope

wow! they are a horrible person/if they were real i would be afraid of them: still, WHAT a charmer. his whole shit in the first arc where he plays aimlessly shady red herring the whole time, standing around and looking creepy while doing ultimately nothing? INCREDIBLY funny. just like zenos, this man looks like he stands very still in dark alleyways with his head tilted at a 50 degree angle for kicks and i love that for and about him

once again i am afflicted by "i liked bleach before it got going" syndrome

OH SHIT THAT'S TWO WHOLE BINGOS!! what do i get!!!... nothing?? fuck! this is a mess. i got a lotta feelings. let's go with the shallow ones first

they are so cool looking: MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH

if they were real i would marry them: that's my little fucking meow meow. GOD he is so PATHETIC. gamer boy actin' shinji-get-in-the-robot cryin' fucking weakass husbando fuel shut-in won't leave his room emaciated crycat motherfucker

they're like a blorbo to me; i want to carry them in a handbag like a tiny dog: HREUGH

they've never done anything wrong in their life: canon because husband can do no wrong. i'll see you in court over this one

if they were real i would be afraid of them: again... kind of a freaque. kind of a shut-in to the extreme. he falls in love with a furry gamer and it literally lobotomizes him, his con etiquette would be atrocious. this is the unifying theme between all 3 of these blorbos you've had me rate

they're deeper than they seem/wasted potential: his backstory is FUCKING tragic and it gets played for LAUGHS in gu!!! for LAUGHS!!!!! once they scrape aside all his main problems the mental illness is left to LANGUISH!!!! he could be an amazing yandere and what is he? kind of an adorable waifu. kind of braindead but drop dead gorgeous. extreme husband material but like jesus christ he gets no slack or credit past his first arc. this is kind of a running theme with GU characters!!!!

not as deep as they seem: this is but the first contradiction on this list.... boy if you do not stop whimpering poetry at me glassy-eyed while knowing absolutely nothing about me. well. like. don't stop. but DO it's embarrassing as fuck. real middle schooler vibes

didn't get enough screen time/got too much screen time: this is another fun little confusing one, specific to me. you see, i loved endrance so much that i made him a perm fixture in my party in every single playthrough i have ever done. i love him. I LOVE HIM. however this means that despite never being on screen for anything important and not getting much time spent on his incredibly interesting backstory and delicious bod, he does get a lot of time standing around like an asshole, kind of tertiary to what's happening... this is partially on me. but i do not care. they shoulda just predicted my love for him and worked around it

wow! they are a horrible person: he loves a shitty gamer furry, then immediately forgets her for the Next Hot Thing: a stupid guy he knows nothing about, AND NEVER BOTHERS TO LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT! kind of horrible. he is so wretchedly shallow LMFAO. like the baby boy version of the anime loli who pledges her life at the drop of a hat cuz you have a pulse and seem kind of alive. and haseo definitely doesn't return his feelings, even tho i do...... he doesn't seem to notice tho LMAO good enough for him!

nothing i like about them is technically canon: (SCREAMS IN HOMOPHOBIC MEDIA ABOUT A BISEXUAL MAN THAT CAME OUT BEFORE GAY MARRIAGE WAS LEGAL IN THE STATES)

im mentally ill about them: see above, i don't think i could be more clear about this. the guy's personality is NOT that deep and yet it is. and yet it could be (clutches at air)

[bisexualoftheblade-old]

how many wips do you have? like what are they all, and not the number of wips in a fandom? what are all the names?

okay. fuck you. fuck you so much. fuck you.

i’m putting this under a read more cut no one else deserves to see this shit. a lot of these are requests, and for those i will just write out the request itself

Shadowhunters:

domestic polycule fluff with tem, jessa, and will because im not a coward

Supernatural

- hehe hoho i request destiel hehehe

- request 61/? cai cai cai cai i need you to rewrite the destiel scene but yk. GOOD. not like i'm in the know about the spn fandom or anything, it's been years for me. but DO IT

Bright Sessions

- caleb/adam grisha AU

- mark bryant vs. united states aka sue the AM

- caleb/adam college fluff

Umbrella Acaademy

- request 31/? i want a ben and klaus drabble please spare me some brotherly bickering

- AND SO BEGINS NIGHT 4 with request 13/? oooh oooh can i get a raymond and allison playlist??? i think their vibes together would SLAP

- hi there night 2 is technically morning 3 but who's counting not me anyway request 5/? can i get a ben moodboard? gotta rep my tua bb

Percy Jackson

- request 9/? can i get a percabeth moodboard or quote edit?? like god they're the og couple goals take me back to high school cai

- For the 100 follower things :D Jercy getting caught in the rain

- request 29/? a drabble about literally anything to do with pjo. i’ll be happy with anyone and anything i’m love these children

- *somersaults in like I’m a real fancy acrobat* hello ello ello may I request some camp half blood chaos possible involving *does a flip* ✨side characters✨ <3

Penumbra Podcast 

- request 52/? drabble about the penumbra podcast. this is for ren bc ren likes it and i don't actually know anything about it. juno? i think? that's the one ren likes. write it for ren

- Tpp ghost hunting / buzzfeed unsolved au

- sad juno smut

- final resting place fic go brrrr

Marvel

- request 6/? i'm going to my roots y'all can i get a spider-man playlist? if not a playlist then i'd honestly be happy with literally anything involving spider-man

- request 15/? i'm going crazy this is recorded evidence of me actually losing it ANYWAY can i get a quote edit for something from iron man? literally anything that man says is gold so cai's choice :D he deserved better in endgame i'm still bitter

- request 42/? do another spidey thing that differs from the other spidey thing

- request 73/? you have Opinions. rant about infinity way and/or endgame. go.

- request 74/? quote edit for deadpool!!

- spideytorch relationship character study

- peter parker as a tired grad student monitoring the young avengers (send help)

Six of Crows

- okay listen i wasn't going to request anything bc i worry about you but also? if you want to/have the time hit me with a playlist for our girl nina zenik

- request 43/? fuckin give me the ending anya should have had. she is alive and with her new son and having a great time

- request 45/? inej moodboard?

- request 47/? will you make literally any meme of your choosing for six of crows?

- request 48/? write a drabble for kaz, my favorite bastard

- okay so i don't actually like nina or mattias that much but i still wanna hear about your thoughts (and also see if you'll change my mind)

- kaz brekker turning 18 fic. birthday party, everyone singing, whole shebang. i need it stat

- religious trauma fic aka i started shipping kaz/alina/inej and i can’t stop

- kaz trauma soup (he has D.I.D. and you can’t prove me wrong)

- my two redacted fics for @grishaversebigbang​

- wesper fake dating

- six of crows bright sessions crossover: everyone gets therapy

TMA

- uhh... s1 gang having a nice time? melanie getting to have some Pride™️? some "fun" horror thing?

- request 7/? spare steph and jason bonding? please sir? spare some for a humble child such as myself?

- okay so this was meant for night 3 but i had midterm shit SO this is honorary night 3 let's DO THIS request 8/? i want a moodboard of extremely out of context magnus archives shit like i mean confuse the FUCK out of me i don't go here i know Nothing about it

- request 11/? OKAY so i need tim stoker meeting tim drake now i need my timmy to meet your tim plus i want to see character differences no i'm not trying to create a tim stoker in my head so i can read a's fic while NOT thinking of tim drake whaaaaaat you're crazy

- request 18(i think)/? i need a quote edit of every time within the first like. 15 eps of tam where jon is like “sounds fake but go off” thank u bb

- request 40/? i challenge you to write a tma drabble based only on the episodes i've heard. i'm currently halfway through episode 23

- Jon being lovingly bullied into taking a break. I'm aware this has been written a million times but it is one of my favorite things.

- spiral!sasha AU

- extinction martin go brrrrr

- high school era timsasha. they've both been friends for years, and everyone always asks when they will be a couple. they decide to fake date, to prove everyone wrong and show what a bad couple they would be. turns out that's a bit trickier than they thought

- after sasha comes back, tim is broken. he can't let go, scared that if he looks away for even a minute he'll lose her again. sasha suggests shibari as a way for him to give up control

- sasha pov mag 19 au, sacrificing herself to save the others, knows that if she gives herself up to the not!them it will let the others live

- this is the "tim finds a polaroid of sasha" trope

- early archives days,, long nights in research,,, clothes sharing,, somft. late nights and falling asleep at their desks warm and safe in the other's presence

- two parts: timsasha as kids, each picking a constellation that is "theirs". just soft kid antics. tim at sasha's grave glancing up to see their constellations

- continuing your job’s a joke (you’re broke)

DC Comics

- TIMSTEPH HADESTOWN AU,,,

- my redacted fic for @batfam-big-bang​

- request for you to get a decent amount of sleep? serious answer, dickkori, SAL's Venus

- request 4/? timsteph morning after 👀 mayhaps?

- a concept: nonbinary stephanie brown

- teehee hi mom, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but can i request damian angst for your accomplishments 100 followers?

- hi you can ignore my first request if you want, or you can ignore this one. but bls possibly write some bikini ra’s? -the bikini bitch

- request 27/? jay is asking through me for a jondami playlist but tbh i also want it so win win yk?

- "I don't know how to help you but I can help you find someone who does" with bruce and jason? im just craving bruce being a good day to jason for once

- “I am putting you in time out because you need to understand the consequences of your actions.” with steph and jason as dumbass disaster bi best friends pretty please?

- request 32/? timsteph patrol date!!!

- request 33/? timsteph *gala* date? mayhaps??

- request 37/? tim drake drabble but make it Edgy cai

- request 39/? drabble of a prank war between tim and damian

- joyfire cuddly fluff please? or like just any outlaw fluff if joyfire isnt your thing (feel free to add every member of the outlaws, dont feel like u gotta stick with jason, kori, roy i love them all)

- barbara and robin! jason fluff? bonding over books or something?

- request 62/? i need a drabble about the chaotic trio jason, tim, and steph i'm love them ty

- request 63/? batfam x mcu crossover. batfam meets ironfam. give me ALL the cliches. ALL OF THEM

- request 64/? young justice x young avengers - jay cuz idk SHIT about the young avengers

- request 66/? jondami moodboard pls and ty

- request 67/? timsteph moodboard!!!!!!

- request 69/? HEHEHE kinky 😏 i would v much like a timsteph drabble of the almost first time. does that make sense? like i don't want you to go all the way NSFW cuz i know that's against the rules and i'm a rule follower. but like they *almost* go all the way. this could be fade to black or some shit i don't care just make it a lil steamy and have Fun

- i request damian angst! all of it

- hmm... maybe i request? jondami?

- mayhaps,,,,some batfam,,,,,committing crimes? ily be gay do crime <3 - lu

- How about a ficlet with Steph and Cass?

Found Family Bingo Prompts

- no powers au

- tunnel

- first day

- join the club

- hurt/comfort

- experiment

- playing favorites

- hold on

- possession

- 10 o’clock

- singing

- road

- snitch

- curfew

- timer

- fantasy au

- zombie au

- dreams

- campfire

- are you okay

- movie night

- games

- scared

Miscellaneous

- a request: Write A Drabble, Coward

- is it too late to request a moodboard for me?

- request 20/? i’m going off book because i’m in a Chaotic Mood™️ can you just absolutely vibe check me like go off cai demolish me

- request 21/? i formally request that you pick a favorite cai. i don’t care what that favorite pertains to, just pick a favorite something

- request 23/? roast me

- request 24/? can i have a buzzfeed unsolved spoopy playlist but spoiler alert it’s not spoopy bc shane doesn’t believe does this make sense it has been a Day™️

- request 25/50 i want a jake and amy fic make it Soft cai i’m love them b99 is so good

- request 28/? i know nothing about the lord of the rings so make something that will confuse the shit out of me

- request 34/? malvie and jaylos moodboards 😈

- request 35/? a moodboard for the bbb mods!! perceive all of us!!!

- request 36/? moodboard for the tua mods too???? mayhaps??

- request 41/? doctor WHO? idk but i want a drabble of him and the one character i know from doctor who which is rose

- request 46/? make an alignment meme with our group, have fun!!!

- request 49/? i want you to kin assign me a character from every fandom you can/want to. go feral

- request 50!!!!/? this is a special request. the most special request. can you make a bastards tbh playlist? i want our vibes encapsulated. i want us in music form. i want to hear those songs and be like "that's me and cai" and smile.

- requests 51/? i know jack shit about good omens. explain it to me in the most confusing way possible. make me know less by the end than i know now

- request 53/? can you write a mel aesthetic? i'm Curious

- request 54/? give me a list of book recs cai i want some good book recs pls

- request 56/? edit a picture of US together too

- request 58/? oooh can i have a disney edit? like. hm. i just really love disney and i want anything to do with disney. like a quote or an aesthetic or an aesthetic edit i just want disney.

- request 59/? i would v much like a recipe for carbonara. i've never had it but it sounds fucking delicious

- request 60/? ooh hey can i get a makeup tutorial? i know you like makeup, i'm shit at doing makeup. teach me

- request 65/? i need the most emo playlist you can make that vibes with dear evan hansen thank you

- request 68/? i want a superwholock moodboard. this can be serious, with the actual fandoms in mind, or literally what the era felt like. the insanity. the horror.

- request 70/? ooh ooh ooh do you have a good bread recipe?? i wanna get that bread

- request 71/? i want a playlist with the vibes of summoning a demon. please don't ask questions. i don't have answers. and if i do, no i don't.

- For the requests, how about writing something based on a friend?

- request 75/? MMMM i want literally anything to do with natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812

- request 76/? i want some healthy recipes. help a girl out

- a feral bbb quote or two?

- you perceive my plant but now I dare thee to perceive mine own visage

- okay this is a two for one request. 1. you did the bee movie script so now we need a shrek two script edit 2. sleep please

- Pansexual mb for my lil queer soul?

- my (probably) final request is just for you to ramble about something, i don't really care what

- HI ILY CONGRATS AS WELL CAUSE IM LATE BUT CONGRATS. could i request a pirates of the caribbean (or just pirates) or whatever you what to do, free range.

- mood board for the beluga whales who got brought to the animal sanctuary in Iceland please?

- 100 follower request: Moodboard for my stuffed cow Oaky?

[pinktwingirl]

Spider-Man: Far From Home Rewrite (aka Far From Home but with Squirrel Girl)

Hey guys! My girl @oh-its-jennyyy requested I do a version of No Way Home with Squirrel Girl in the continuity of my MCU Rewrite series, so I figured I’d start with Far From Home first! This is basically a collection of scenes I would’ve added or rewritten to include our girl Doreen Green. (On the timeline of my MCU Rewrites, my Loki series rewrite takes place in between Far From Home and No Way Home.) Enjoy!

EXT. BUILDING ROOFTOP - NIGHT

Peter sits on the rooftop and looks at the mural for Tony Stark. Suddenly, DOREEN GREEN, in her Squirrel Girl uniform leaps onto the rooftop and sits next to him.

DOREEN

Hey, Peter!

PETER

Oh... Hey, Doreen.

(He notices she is covered in dirt and soot and a piece of her clothing is ripped.)

You okay?

DOREEN

Huh? Oh... Oh, yeah. I just took care of a small robbery down the street. No big deal.

PETER

Oh! Is... Is there still trouble? Do you need any help?

DOREEN

No, no, no, I took care of it. But thanks.

(Beat)

How ya doin'?

(Beat)

PETER

I'm... Yeah, I'm okay.

DOREEN

Sooo... You excited for the Europe trip?

PETER

Oh, yeah, I... Wait, how did you know about that?

DOREEN

Nancy and I are going too! We're gonna be chaperones.

PETER

Oh, seriously?

DOREEN

Yeah! It counts as community service hours for the university since we're supporting high school kids and all that, but, you know, traveling the world and all is a nice perk too.

PETER

Ugh, God, I don't even wanna think about college right now. I'm gonna have to start applying soon.

Doreen nudges him playfully.

DOREEN

Well, you could always apply to Empire State! I know some of the professors on the admissions committee; I could put in a good word for you...

PETER

I was actually kinda hoping for MIT...

DOREEN

Oh, of course; you gotta go to your fancy-schmancy private school...

Peter raises an eyebrow at her.

DOREEN

I'm kidding! That's awesome!

(Beat)

Ooh! You know what I wanna do when we're in Europe? I wanna find a Siberian flying squirrel! They're super rare, but so cute!

(She shows him a picture on her phone.)

Look at those babies! Oooh, I just wanna pet their fluffy fur so bad!

Peter laughs.

PETER

Aww...

After a moment, his smile fades.

(Beat)

DOREEN

You sure you're okay?

PETER

Yeah, I... I just...

(He glances back at the mural.)

I just really miss him, you know?

Doreen gives him a sad smile as they both sit in silence for a moment.

DOREEN

You know, when I was working with the Avengers to bring all you guys back, Tony talked about you all the time. He said you were like him when he was your age, but, like... 50 times less stupid.

Peter laughs.

(Beat)

DOREEN

You really meant a lot to him.

Peter smiles, with tears forming in his eyes.

PETER

Thanks, Doreen.

Doreen hugs him.

DOREEN

Hey, chin up. We're gonna have fun! Alright, I gotta go finish packing the essentials: pistachios, tiny blankets, Tippy's favorite books...

PETER

Wait, how are you gonna get all your squirrels past security?

Doreen grins.

DOREEN

I have my ways... See ya!

She exits.

INT. DOREEN AND NANCY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Doreen's roommate Nancy is working on a coding project.

NANCY

And now for the final step...

She presses the enter button, but gets an error message. She stares at her laptop screen in irritation for a moment, then hits the enter button again, only to get the same error message. She repeatedly begins slamming the enter button and getting the same error message over and over again. Doreen suddenly enters, stopping to stare at Nancy smashing her keyboard.

DOREEN

Uh... Nancy... You okay?

NANCY

I can't get this stupid program to work!

DOREEN

Finals were weeks ago... What are you even working on?

NANCY

Well, it's something that I thought could help with your superhero-ing stuff! Like if we could take over control of enemy machines!

DOREEN

Nancy, you know, you don't have to get involved with my crime-fighting stuff. It's pretty dangerous, and I don't want you to get hurt...

NANCY

Oh my God, D, you are such a mom friend.

DOREEN

I mean, I am technically five years older than you now.

NANCY

(laughing)

Pfft, shut up. Look, it's not dangerous if I'm behind my computer screen at home. Besides, we could be, like, a team! You're the muscle and I'm the brains!

DOREEN

Excuse me?! I have brains!

NANCY

Yeah, but I don't have super-cool mutant squirrel powers, so I'll take care of that department.

Doreen laughs.

DOREEN

Okay, whatever you say...

Nancy shuts off her laptop, picks up a half-finished wool sweater, and begins knitting as Doreen continues packing her suitcase.

NANCY

So, how's Peter?

DOREEN

He's... okay. I don't know, I found him sulking on a rooftop, so I just sat down with him for a bit.

Nancy freezes.

NANCY

Wait... you found him on a rooftop?

Doreen freezes as well.

DOREEN

Um... I mean... not, like, a super tall one, you know, just... um... normal size...

(Beat)

What, you've never been on a rooftop before?

NANCY

Uh... Not that I can recall...

DOREEN

Anyway... He misses Tony.

NANCY

Yeah, a lot of people do.

DOREEN

But Peter was really close with him, though.

NANCY

He was an intern at Stark Industries, right? What did he do there? I mean, he must've had a really important job if he was working directly with the boss.

DOREEN

Um... Yeah, I mean, you know... He kinda helped oversee... Avengers stuff, I guess... I-I don't really know too much about it; it was before I joined and all...

(Beat)

I'm gonna go check on Monkey Joe and make sure he's not binging on walnuts...

Doreen exits. Nancy raises an eyebrow and searches "Spider-Man" on her phone. She glances suspiciously at the latest Daily Bugle photo of Spider-Man.

EXT. VENICE STREET - DAY

Once Peter's class has arrived in Italy, Doreen and Nancy stand in front of the gathered group of kids.

NANCY

Look at this fine group of bright youngsters, almost ready to go off into the world... You guys still have so much hope in your eyes...

(She sighs.)

Enjoy it while it lasts...

The group stares at her in confusion.

DOREEN

So! Uh, we're chaperones representing Empire State University's student outreach program, and it's really nice to meet all of you! 

NANCY

And, on behalf of ESU, we hope you all consider applying to our school and joining our supportive and welcoming community.

YASMIN

Did they pay you to say that?

NANCY

Pssh, yeah, I wish...

DOREEN

Anyway, I guess we'll go ahead and introduce ourselves: I'm Doreen Green, and this is Nancy Whitehead. We're both comp-sci majors, and we're gonna be graduating this fall-

She freezes when she notices Flash Thompson is laughing. Nancy frowns at him.

NANCY

Something you'd like to share with the class?

FLASH

(snickering)

Wait, your names are seriously "Doreen Green" and "Nancy Whitehead"?

(He laughs harder.)

Those are some of the dumbest names I've ever heard!

He continues laughing but pauses when he notices no one else is laughing, and people are giving him uncomfortable glances. Doreen and Nancy give him an icy stare.

(Beat)

NANCY

Anyway, we're here to go over the rules about sight-seeing, but before we do that, we're happy to answer any questions about the college admissions process, or just college in general...

Flash raises his hand.

NANCY

That aren't making fun of our names...

FLASH

So, like, what do you guys do in college? Do you go to awesome frat parties every Friday night?

(Beat)

DOREEN

No... We just stay home and watch Spongebob, usually.

Flash scoffs and lowers his hand.

FLASH

(under his breath)

Lame...

Zoha raises her hand.

DOREEN

Yes?

ZOHA

What advice do you have for people starting college?

DOREEN

Oh, most libraries limit their crying sessions to 15 minutes, so be sure to schedule your mental breakdowns accordingly.

Utterly baffled, Zoha lowers her hand. Doreen reads a clipboard.

DOREEN

Okay, if there are no more questions, I'll go ahead and get started reading the rules: All students must stay in the designated area at all times, students must travel with at least one other student at all times...

As Doreen speaks, Flash fires a spitball at her, which she expertly dodges. Nancy glares at him.

DOREEN

At exactly 1 PM, everyone must report here at our meeting spot, if there are any questions, students can come to either your teacher or myself and Nancy...

As she continues to talk, Flash keeps firing spitballs, and Doreen keeps dodging them, until finally she glares at him.

DOREEN

If you do that one more time, I will actually punch you in the dick.

Later, when the water monster appears, Doreen rushes up to Peter in her Squirrel Girl costume as everyone else runs away.

DOREEN

Peter! Are you okay?! Do you have your suit?!

PETER

No! I left it in the hotel room! 

DOREEN

What?! Well, you can't let people see your face! Hey, maybe you should sit this one out! I'll take care of-

PETER

No! I want to help!

DOREEN

But how are you going to-?!

She freezes when she sees the feathered mask lying on the ground. They glance at each other and shrug.

Peter and Doreen rush up to Mysterio as he is fighting the monster.

PETER

Excuse me, sir! Let us help! We can help! I'm really strong! And I'm sticky!

DOREEN

And I have squirrels!

QUENTIN

I need you to lead it away from the canals!

Doreen whistles and directs a crowd of squirrels to lure the monster away. Mysterio and Peter follow the monster. As Mysterio fights the monster, the squirrels run around in a circle, confusing it. The monster tries to smash its hand down on Doreen, but she kicks it away. She is about to continue fighting with Mysterio, but freezes when she notices Peter is knocked out from the bell tower, and rushes to help him, leaving the crowd to admire and cheer for Mysterio.

DOREEN

Peter! Are you okay?!

Peter checks his black dahlia necklace.

PETER

Thank God... It's okay...

DOREEN

Wh-the necklace?! You just smacked your head on a giant thousand-pound iron bell, and you're worried about some stupid necklace?!

PETER

Hey! It's really important!

He starts to leave.

DOREEN

Wait, let me see if you have a concussion!

PETER

I'm fine, Doreen. Really.

She walks after him.

DOREEN

No, Peter, it's my duty as a mom friend to make sure you're okay...

INT. PETER AND NED'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

When Ned is knocked out by the tranquilizer dart, Peter turns to see NICK FURY standing with Doreen.

FURY

You're a very difficult person to contact, Spider-Man.

Doreen gives him an awkward wave.

(Beat)

PETER

You're Nick Fury...

(He turns to Ned.)

You shot Ned...

FURY

It's just a mild tranquilizer; he'll be alright.

DOREEN

You might wanna turn him on his side, though, so he doesn't choke on his own tongue...

FURY

So good to finally meet you! I saw you at the funeral, but I didn't think that was a good time to exchange numbers.

PETER

No, that would've been really inappropriate...

FURY

That's what I just said.

PETER

Right.

FURY

The important thing is: you're here. I tried to bring you here, you avoided me, and now, you're here. What a coincidence.

PETER

Wait... Was this a coincidence?

Doreen grins.

DOREEN

Nope!

FURY

Ms. Green was assigned to ensure your wellbeing on this assignment, and also that you stayed on-task.

DOREEN

You haven't exploded yet, so all-in-all, I think I'm doing a pretty good job!

Peter looks at Doreen incredulously.

PETER

Wait, you were in on this the whole time?!

DOREEN

Uh, yeah. Do you really think I took this chaperoning job just to go sightseeing?

(Beat)

PETER

I mean, kinda, yeah... And hey, wait a minute, I've been an Avenger longer than you! How come you're getting put on higher missions than me?

DOREEN

Umm, because I'm an adult, and you're not.

Fury leans forward.

FURY

I used to know everything. I come back five years later, and now, I know nothing. No intel, no team, and a high school kid is dodging my calls. Here's what I do know:

He places a projection device on the table. It displays an animated image of the earth.

FURY

A week ago, a village in Mexico was wiped out by a cyclone. Witnesses say that cyclone had a face.

We hear Ned snoring.

(Beat)

FURY

Three days later, a similar event in Morocco. A village was-

Fury is interrupted by a knocking on the door. Peter's teacher walks in.

TEACHER

Just making the rounds. Seeing if anyone needs emotional counseling after this traumatic events.

Fury points his tranquilizer gun at the teacher.

PETER

(quickly)

No, w-we'll be okay. We're fine. Thank you.

TEACHER

Great, 'cause I'm not qualified... to actually...

(He glances at Ned.)

Oh, he's passed out... I'm not really qualified to do anything about it, so... Good night...

He closes the door.

PETER

That was my teacher... Sorry about that... You were saying...?

FURY

A village was destroyed by what may well be another world-threatening event-

We hear another knock on the door and BETTY'S voice.

BETTY (O.S.)

Ned, are you still awake? You're not answering any of my texts...

PETER

Um, he's asleep, Betty!

BETTY (O.S.)

Oh! Already?

PETER

Mm-hmm! Yeah!

BETTY (O.S.)

Okay!

FURY

That's why it's im-

We hear another knock on the door and Nancy's voice.

NANCY (O.S.)

If anybody's interested, I'm handing out copies of my latest Cat Thor comic for free! And just letting everyone know I am not accepting constructive criticism at this time!

FURY

If another person touches that door, we are going to attend another funeral.

He shuts the projection device off.

FURY

Suit up.

EXT. OPERA HOUSE ENTRANCE - NIGHT

Doreen and Nancy are wearing dresses as they stand outside the opera house.

DOREEN

So... Do you know what this opera's about?

NANCY

No. I don't know what any opera's about. It all sounds like a bunch of screaming to me.

DOREEN

Well, hey, at least you can wear these cute opera glasses!

She pulls out two opera glasses from her pocket and holds one up to her eye, playfully squinting through it.

DOREEN

(in a mockingly refined voice)

Hmm... Yes... I do say... The tenor section is a bit weak, isn't it?

Nancy laughs.

NANCY

Ugh, I should've brought my knitting. At least then, I could look classy while doing something actually INTERESTING.

DOREEN

Hey, well, I'll join you soon, okay? Peter and I gotta head out, but we'll be right back!

NANCY

Okay!

Nancy heads in with the other students. Doreen pulls Peter aside.

DOREEN

You ready?

PETER

Yeah... Yeah, I'm... I'm ready.

DOREEN

Hey... look, I'm sorry Fury was so hard on you earlier. I know it's not fair to have all of this thrown on you. But I swear, once this is all over, we'll just go back to our vacation and chill like none of this ever happened, okay?

Peter nods slowly.

DOREEN

And don't worry about your friends. They'll be fine. We're not gonna let anything happen to them, right?

PETER

Right...

(Beat)

I'm gonna go in and act normal and find a way to sneak out, okay?

DOREEN

Okay. See you in a few.

EXT. PRAGUE FESTIVAL PLAZA - NIGHT

When the fire monster shows up at the festival, Doreen rushes to a nearby water pipe and kicks it. She puts a dent in it, but it won't budge. She groans, frustrated, and keeps kicking it, until finally, it breaks, causing a flood of rushing water to come out. She lifts the pipe and sprays the water at the fire monster.

DOREEN

COME AND GET ME, DUM-DUMS!!!

The monster glares in her direction and stalks towards her.

(Beat)

DOREEN

Oh, shit, I did not think that one through...

She keeps the pipe running and leaps around the buildings, dodging the monster's attacks.

As Mysterio creates a shield to protect Peter from the monster, Doreen rushes to the carousel. She freezes when she sees a bunch of squirrels, including Tippy-Toe, Monkey Joe, and Mr. Liebermann running with thimbles full of water at the monster.

DOREEN

Um... I appreciate the effort, guys, but I don't think that's gonna work...

The squirrels sulk.

As the monster moves further towards the Ferris wheel, Doreen uses her strength to try and stop the wheel from falling, while Peter moves it upright with his webs. Doreen then runs to grab a wooden pole and tosses it straight into the monster's eyes, stunning it just enough for Mysterio to blast it with another ray.

QUENTIN

Thanks!

DOREEN

Do you think maybe there's a way we could lure it into the water?!

QUENTIN

No! That's too risky! I've got to finish him off here and now!

DOREEN

But-

QUENTIN

Just step aside! Let me handle this!

He flies in front of Doreen and watches as the monster absorbs more metal.

QUENTIN

No, no, no...

Maria Hill watches in horror.

MARIA

It's too late...

Quentin turns to Peter.

QUENTIN

Whatever happens... I'm glad we met.

PETER

Beck, what are you doing?!

DOREEN

Beck, wait! Maybe we can-

Before she can say another word, Beck flies straight into the monster, destroying it.

INT. PUB - NIGHT

After Peter leaves the pub and Quentin's illusion disappears, he starts giving a speech to his coworkers.

QUENTIN

To the man who brought us all together, our former boss, Tony Stark.

The crowd boos as he lifts his bottle.

QUENTIN

The jester king, literally wrapped in wealth and technology he was unfit to wield, like the holographic system I designed - a revolutionary breakthrough with limitless applications that Tony turned into a self-therapy machine and renamed...

We cut to the flashback of Tony explaining the technology to MIT.

TONY

Binarily Augmented Retro-Framing, or BARF... but $611 million for my little... therapeutic experiment?

QUENTIN

He renamed my life's work... "BARF." I told him it was a mistake; that my technology could change the world.

(Beat)

And then... he fired me. Said I was... "unstable." And after all that, to add insult to injury, what did he do after the blip? He put my entire department in the hands of a college student. 

Quentin projects a picture of Doreen standing with Pepper for a photo at Stark Industries. The crowd boos again.

QUENTIN

Doreen Green... a naïve, reckless optimist who thinks she can use my technology to "help" psychopaths work through their trauma instead of developing this system to its full potential.

He shuts the holographic picture off and lifts his bottle.

QUENTIN

To Tony!

CROWD

To Tony!

QUENTIN

To Doreen!

CROWD

To Doreen!

He continues to toast the different members of his team.

QUENTIN

With our technology, and with EDITH, Mysterio will be the greatest hero on Earth!

The crowd cheers.

QUENTIN

Then everyone will listen!

(Beat)

Not to a boozy man-child!

CROWD

No!

QUENTIN

Not to a hormonal teenager!

CROWD

No!

QUENTIN

And not to an incompetent college girl!

CROWD

No!

QUENTIN

To me! And... to my very wealthy crew!

INT. DOREEN AND NANCY'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

After Peter and MJ discover Mysterio's projection device, and Ned finds out MJ knows Peter’s identity, the three go to Doreen's room for advice. Peter is dressed in his black Spider-Man costume.

PETER

I messed up. I messed up so bad, D. I have to fix this.

DOREEN

Hey, hey, calm down. We're gonna figure this out.

(She glances at Peter and his friends, and her tail twitches.)

You guys look starved!

(She pushes the bowl towards them.)

Here! Eat, eat!

MJ

Uh, I'm fine...

Doreen notices Ned staring at her.

DOREEN

You good?

NED

Yeah, sorry, I'm just still getting used to the fact that you're Squirrel Girl... and that you have a tail. Is that actually attached to you or is it just, you know, part of your costume?

DOREEN

Um, no, it's... it's a part of my body... Yeah...

PETER

Can you please just tell me what you know about the device?

DOREEN

Well, I gotta admit, drone tech isn't really my turf...

PETER

But you run the BARF tech department, right?

NED

"BARF" tech?

DOREEN

Yeah, we just call it "retro-framing" now... We kinda got tired of saying "BARF" all the time...

PETER

How could Beck have replicated your technology? I thought it was top-secret.

Doreen thinks for a moment.

DOREEN

Tony told me about the guy who developed this tech... He said he fired him because he started getting ideas that were "dangerous" and "violent"... He never told me his name, but if I had to guess...

PETER

You think it's Beck.

DOREEN

It has to be. He's the only person that could build something like this.

(After a pause, she grins.)

Wait, so is he doing this 'cause he's salty I took his job? 'Cause that's actually kinda funny...

PETER

Can we please focus?

DOREEN

Sorry...

MJ

Do the illusions really feel like... you know, real life?

(Beat)

DOREEN

The first time I ever used this tech, I looked into Loki's mind to see what happened when Thanos... when Thanos tortured him. It felt so real. I forgot I was even in a simulation.

MJ

So that's how he can make all of those monsters seem real? Like, we could be in a simulation right now and we wouldn't even know it?

DOREEN

Yeah. That's why I wanted to stick with recreating people's memories, so they'd know it wasn't real, but this... this is... completely off the rails.

Peter, MJ, and Ned jump when Nancy walks in.

NANCY

Hey D, they have laundry machines downstairs. Do you want me to wash your super suit?

DOREEN

Ah, no, thanks.

Nancy exits to another part of the room. 

Peter stares at Doreen incredulously.

PETER

Wait, your roommate knows who you are?!

Doreen shrugs.

DOREEN

Yeah. We live together. She knows everything about me.

Nancy suddenly pops back in.

NANCY

Hey, Peter, I could wash your super suit if you want. Should I be careful at all when I'm washing spider silk?

Peter and Doreen both look at her in shock.

DOREEN

Okay, I didn't tell her who you were. I swear.

NANCY

(to Peter)

Oh, she didn't need to. I figured it out. I like the new suit, by the way.

PETER

Am I really that obvious?

MJ

Only to people that know you, I guess.

NED

Wait, so is Nancy like your guy in the chair, Doreen? Or... I guess... girl in the chair?

NANCY

I should be. I'm smart enough for it, and by the way-

DOREEN

I really think we should save this argument for another time.

PETER

I'm going after Beck.

DOREEN

What? Like... right now?

PETER

Yes, right now! When else?!

DOREEN

I... really don't think that's a good idea. This guy is dangerous, and that's probably exactly what he's expecting you to do. Since we're all here together now, we can brainstorm something-

PETER

I don't have time for that! Every second he has those drones, we're all in danger!

He opens the window.

DOREEN

Peter, wait!

Before she can stop him, he leaps out.

INT. TRAIN - DAY

After Mysterio's illusions leave Peter battered and injured, he collapses into a train seat. Just before he passes out, he sees Doreen's faint silhouette.

INT. FARMHOUSE - DAY

Peter slowly wakes up to find himself in what appears to be a farmhouse. He jumps when he sees Doreen holding a first-aid kit.

DOREEN

How do you feel?

Peter looks around for a moment.

PETER

Where are we?

DOREEN

The Netherlands. I took you off the first stop the train made, and... well, I found this place.

As she starts to approach him, he backs away, giving her an icy glare.

DOREEN

What? I'm not gonna say "I told you so," if that's what you're wondering.

PETER

How do I know you're really Doreen?

(Beat)

DOREEN

Oh... Right... Illusions... Um...

(She glances around for a moment.)

Oh! Wait here!

She goes into an empty stable, picks up a small Siberian flying squirrel, and shows it to Peter.

DOREEN

Look what I found... a real Siberian flying squirrel! Isn't he cute?! I named him "Lord Stuffencheeks."

A small hint of a smile starts to grow on Peter's face.

DOREEN

Do you wanna pet him?

Peter slowly reaches his hand out to give the squirrel a few pets. The squirrel chitters in response.

PETER

Do you... understand what he's saying?

Doreen laughs.

DOREEN

Oh... He was asking if you had any food.

(to the squirrel)

I just gave you, like, five almonds earlier!

Peter laughs.

DOREEN

We good?

Peter nods.

PETER

Yeah.

DOREEN

Good. Here, let me see your face.

(She takes out a few alcohol wipes.)

This might sting a little.

Peter winces as she dabs at the cuts on his face. She moves his shirt sleeve to look at the injury on his shoulder.

DOREEN

Oof... Yeah, that's gonna need stitches...

She continues cleaning his wounds. 

PETER

I'm such an idiot. I don't belong with the Avengers.

DOREEN

Yes, you do.

(Beat)

I felt the same way when I first joined. I wanted so badly to prove myself to Tony... so I got reckless. I lost the tesseract when we were trying to get all the stones. It was only a stroke of luck that Tony and Steve got it as well. If it weren't for them, I would've ruined everything.

Peter looks surprised.

PETER

Really?

DOREEN

Yeah.

(Beat)

It's easy to get discouraged in this line of work. But... even when things look the worst...

(Her hand goes to her Loki locket.)

There's always someone out there who believes in you... Even if you don't know it...

She finishes cleaning the wounds and extends her hand to Peter.

DOREEN

Come on. Let's get outta here.

EXT. MARKET - MOMENTS LATER

Peter leans on Doreen's shoulder as they walk through a farmer's market.

DOREEN

We're gonna need to call Happy.

PETER

How? We can't use our phones...

DOREEN

Here, check this out.

She walks up to a man passing by.

DOREEN

Excuse me, sir? Could we please borrow your phone really quick? We just need to make a call.

MAN

Oh, sure.

(He hands her his phone.)

Here you go.

DOREEN

Thank you!

She walks back to Peter and hands him the phone.

DOREEN

See? The people here are so nice! Like... weirdly nice.

Peter grins.

PETER

Oh, so kinda like you.

DOREEN

Huh. An insult disguised as a compliment. You know what? I'll take it.

INT. STARK'S PLANE - DAY

Happy is stitching Peter's wounds as Doreen watches.

HAPPY

Okay... Hold still... There we go...

Peter winces.

PETER

Ouch...

HAPPY

I thought you had super-strength.

PETER

It still hurts...

Peter winces again.

PETER

Happy...

HAPPY

Alright, relax... Just a few more, there we go-

PETER

Oh my God, Happy!

He pounds the table.

HAPPY

Relax!

Peter jolts up from his seat.

PETER

Don't tell me to relax, Happy! How can I relax when I messed up so bad?! I trusted Beck! Right?! I thought he was my friend, so I gave him the only thing that Mr. Stark left behind for me, and now he's gonna kill my friends and half of Europe, so please, do not tell me to relax!

He collapses on another seat.

DOREEN

Peter... Look at me. You think you're the only one who's ever made mistakes? SHIELD let Hydra infiltrate them for decades and they didn't even know. It's okay-

PETER

No, it's not. It's not okay...

DOREEN

What matters now is that we're going to fix this. All of us.

After a pause, tears start to form in Peter's eyes.

PETER

I'm sorry, I just... I just really miss him...

(Beat)

HAPPY

Yeah, I miss him too.

(Beat)

PETER

Everywhere I go... I see his face. And... the whole world is asking who's gonna be the next Iron Man... I don't know if that's me, Happy... I'm not Iron Man!

(Beat)

HAPPY

You're not Iron Man. You're never gonna be Iron Man. Nobody could live up to Tony. Not even Tony.

DOREEN

But that's a good thing... You know why?

Peter gives her a quizzical look.

DOREEN

'Cause we don't want you to be the next Iron Man. We want you to be Spider-Man. That's who you are.

(Beat)

PETER

What if Spider-Man isn't good enough?

DOREEN

He is. Trust me.

(Beat)

HAPPY

Tony was my best friend. And he was a mess.

Peter gives him a surprised look.

HAPPY

He second-guessed everything he did; he was all over the place. The one thing that he did that he didn't second-guess was picking you. I don't think Tony would've done what he did if he didn't know that you were gonna be here after he was gone.

(Beat)

Now, your friends are in trouble. Your tech is missing... What are you gonna do about it?

After a moment, Peter stands up.

PETER

I'm gonna kick his ass.

DOREEN

Yeah!

She grins and pops a walnut in her mouth.

DOREEN

Eat nuts, kick butts. That's what I always say.

She hands Peter a walnut as well. He grins.

HAPPY

Uh... I meant, like, right now. Like, specifically, what are we gonna do? Because we've been hovering over a tulip field for the last 15 minutes.

PETER

Right, um... I can't call my friends because he's tracking my phone, so... give me your phone.

HAPPY

My... my cell phone?

PETER

Yeah.

Happy hands him his phone.

HAPPY

Okay. Here.

PETER

What's your password?

HAPPY

Password.

PETER

No, what is your password?

HAPPY

Password. The word. Spelled out. "Password."

PETER

You're the head of security and your password is "password"?

HAPPY

I don't feel good about it either.

Peter watches Flash's livestream.

FLASH

Hello guvna! Cuppa tea for you! I'm in London!

PETER

They're in London!

HAPPY

London! Okay!

He heads to the cockpit.

PETER

I need a suit!

HAPPY

A suit?

He grins and opens up Tony's designer machine. Peter smiles at him.

DOREEN

Ooh, ooh! I gotta see this!

She rushes over to the machine as well. Peter places his hand in it to test it out.

PETER

Okay, um... Bring up everything you have on Spider-Man.

The machine displays his various suits.

DOREEN

So, which one used the most vibranium? I think that's a good base to start with.

Peter points to the Iron Spider suit.

PETER

This one here. But we'll need something a little less flashy, a little more stealthy.

DOREEN

I don't know what you're talking about; the tentacles are so inconspicuous.

They both laugh. 

DOREEN

Okay, I would add the Kevlar here...

Happy smiles as he watches the two work together. Peter glances at him.

PETER

What?

HAPPY

Nothing.

(Beat)

You guys take care of the suit; I'll take care of the music.

He turns AC/DC on. As Peter continues to work, Happy pulls Doreen aside.

HAPPY

Oh, I forgot to tell you. Tony left a little something for you too.

DOREEN

Huh? For... for me?

HAPPY

Yeah. Here, check this out.

He opens up a drawer with a box labeled "THE FLYING SQUIRREL." Doreen opens it and gasps.

DOREEN

SHUT. UP.

EXT. LONDON STREETS - DAY

During the battle in London, Peter is fighting off the drones. One of them suddenly hits him, causing him to plummet towards the ground. Out of nowhere, Doreen, in her new Flying Squirrel suit, swoops in to catch him.

DOREEN

I gotcha!

They land on top of a nearby building. As Peter looks up, he gets a better look at Squirrel Girl's new suit. She has a new pair of high-tech goggles that shield her face. Her bodysuit is silver, with an acorn on her chest. When she opens her arms, Peter sees there are flaps that allow her to glide through the air.

PETER

Hey, cool suit!

DOREEN

I know! Isn't it awesome?!

(She lifts her head to the sky.)

Thank you, Tony!

(to Peter)

You know, 'cause he's up in heaven.

Peter smiles.

PETER

What else can it do?

DOREEN

I don't know; I haven't tried all the buttons yet.

She presses a button on her wrist. Suddenly, a shield of armor forms around her tail. She gasps.

DOREEN

NO WAY!

A drone suddenly approaches them. She uses her tail to smash it to pieces. She and Peter gape at each other.

PETER

That's so cool! Okay, so what's the plan?

Doreen taps her earpiece.

DOREEN

I was able to make a com with Nancy that Beck can't tap, so I can at least get in touch with her.

PETER

Where is she?

DOREEN

Safe. What about Ned and MJ?

PETER

I don't know...

DOREEN

Then we need to work fast. You take care of Beck; I'm gonna see if I can capture his crew.

PETER

Okay. On it.

Doreen smiles.

DOREEN

Good luck, Spider-Man!

Peter grins.

PETER

You too, Squirrel Girl!

Doreen leaps off the building and glides to another patch of drones, which she begins fighting. During the battle, she presses her earpiece on.

DOREEN

Nancy, please tell me you have some good news for me... I could really use that program right now...

We cut to a hotel basement, where Nancy is working on her laptop.

NANCY

I know; I'm trying! I still can't get this stupid thing to... Really?! Parentheses?! That's what your issue was?

(She taps a few buttons on her keyboard.)

Okay, try it now!

Doreen presses a button on her wrist. As she moves her wrist around, she gasps when she realizes the nearby drones are following her command.

DOREEN

Oh my God, it worked! Nancy, you're a genius!

NANCY

Thanks, thanks. Well, that's five drones down, 20,000 more to go.

DOREEN

Thanks for putting a damper on the mood.

NANCY

Hey, I'm just being realistic here...

INT. MYSTERIO'S STUDIO - DAY

As Mysterio's crew is working, they suddenly hear a crashing sound. They slowly rise from their seats. Suddenly, the door bursts open and they see Doreen poised to strike. One of the crew members tries to push a button, but his eyes widen when he realizes Doreen now has control of the drones, and is pointing their lasers at them.

DOREEN

Alright, assholes, everyone out! Let's move it! Single-file line!

As she forces the crew out, we cut to the same crew member, who sneaks a flash drive out from his computer.

EXT. LONDON BRIDGE - DAY

After the battle is over, Peter shares a kiss with MJ. They suddenly pause when they see Doreen, still in her Flying Squirrel suit, perched up on a piece of rubble, watching them. She grins.

DOREEN

Aww! This is so wholesome; I love it!

Peter and MJ stare at her.

DOREEN

Oh... Sorry... Did I... ruin the moment?

(Beat)

Yeah, I did, didn't I?Peter grins.

PETER

Thanks for your help, D.

DOREEN

Hey, I was just being your friendly neighborhood Squirrel Girl!

PETER

Did you just steal my catchphrase?

DOREEN

Maybe. Alright, well, if anyone needs me, I will be hibernating for the foreseeable future.

She starts to leave.

MJ

You know squirrels don't actually hibernate, right?

DOREEN

Yeah, I don't care.

INT. AIRPORT TERMINAL - DAY

Ned and Betty approach Peter after MJ leaves.

BETTY

You guys are so cute.

PETER

Thanks!

(Beat)

Uh... I was thinking that maybe we could all... I don't know, like go on a double-date or something!

BETTY

Oh... We broke up.

PETER

Oh no! Why?

NED

Men and women grow apart, but the journey they share together will always be a part of them.

BETTY

You are so wise.

NED

Thank you.

Betty leaves.

NED

Hey, but what about Nancy, though? Do you think a college girl would be into a guy like me?

We cut to Doreen and Nancy walking through the terminal.

NANCY

Well, I'd say you handled your first SHIELD mission pretty well.

DOREEN

Thanks! You know, I think Peter handled himself pretty well too.

NANCY

So, you don't think he needs your help anymore?

DOREEN

Oh, everyone always needs help from time-to-time. Like... you really helped me out, for example.

Nancy gasps.

NANCY

So, does this mean...?

Doreen grins.

DOREEN

Oh, okay, you can be my girl in the chair.

NANCY

Yes!

They hug.

DOREEN

Come on, let's go see Mew before she kills us for leaving her for so long.

NANCY

Oh, she's already gonna kill us. That ship has SAILED.

They exit.

[dearestdaffodils]

Season 1, Episode 7: DEAD CALM

Warnings: mentions of drugs and guns. mentions of abuse. JJ has a breakdown

“That’s 50 feet down, and they’re using 100-feet rope.” Kie tilts the paper, looking at it.

I peer over her shoulder, tilting my head. “So I guess this little wagon will go…” I pause, laughing. “Straight to the gold room.” 

“Who drew this?” Sarah snorts. 

“Who do you think?” I laugh, looking at Pope.

“This better work.” JJ sighs, dropping the gold bar into the bowl.

“We can’t pawn this if there’s a giant wheat symbol on it.” I laugh. “It's gonna work.” 

🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌  🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌

“Hell of a job melting it down, Dr. Frankenstein.” JJ scoffs, holding the glob of gold in his hand.

“Like you could’ve done better.” I huff, shoving his shoulder.

“I could have.” He defends. “I took a welding class.” 

I roll my eyes, walking into the pawnshop. Kie and I look around with Sarah as JJ makes his way to the counter, John B and Pope standing awkwardly in the doorway. 

You’d think after knowing JJ for nearly half our lives, we’d know that his lies aren’t always the best. Sure, he’s the best at SELLING a lie but when it comes to thinking of them, he sucks. 

🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌  🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌

“So they keep money out here?” Pope frowns as JJ drives, looking out the front window. 

“That’s what she said.” JJ hums, laughing to himself. “That’s what she said.” He giggles.

“Stop.” I smack his arm. 

“I’ve never even heard of Resurrection Drive.” Sarah pipes up from the backseat. 

“Cause you’re rich.” JJ glances at her in the rearview mirror. 

“You’ve never heard of it either.” Kie rolls her eyes. “There’s nothing but weeds back here.” 

“All right, just cause it's just weeds, doesn’t mean it's, like…” JJ trails off, all of our heads shooting up as sirens sound through the air. 

“Cops? Out here?” I frown.

“God! Are you kidding me?” JJ smacks the steering wheel in frustration. 

“What did we do?” Sarah looks at John B. “Why are we getting pulled over?” 

“Stash that.” JJ grabs the gold, shoving it into Pope’s hands.

Pope starts to panic, fumbling to open the glove box. 

“Chill, guys.” I hiss. 

“Put it--” JJ shoves Pope. 

“I hate cops,” Pope mutters, shoving the gold into the glove box. 

“Did you bring the gun?” I whisper to JJ.

“No. Okay?” JJ whispers back, setting a comforting hand on my arm; his rings cooling my skin slightly. “Everybody told me to leave it back at the place.” 

“Thank god.” I let out a breath, resting my hand on top of his. 

“He’s walking up…” Pope warns. 

“Sir…” JJ starts, rolling down the window. 

“Why don’t I go ahead and see them hands in the air?” Barry smirks, cocking his gun in JJ’s face. “All y’all’s hands up in the air now!” 

Now, personally, I’ve never had a run-in with the cops, save for DCS. My brother and boyfriend, however, are police pros. Barry, albeit not a cop, is a whole other terror in and of himself. 

“Out of the car!” Barry roars, throwing open the side door. 

John B and Sarah tumble out together, dragging Kie behind them. Pope launches himself out of the car, racing around the side to stand next to John B. JJ and I hesitate, glancing at each other. 

“You too, pretty girl,” Barry smirks, roughly grabbing my arm, tugging me out of the van. 

JJ sets his jaw, slowly getting out. “Get your hands off her, Barry.” 

Barry throws me down, pointing his gun at JJ. “Lay in the ditch!” 

“Step away from my girlfriend and I’ll consider it.” JJ raises his hands. 

Barry eyes JJ warily, glancing at the ground as he steps away from me. 

JJ lunges forward, grabbing the gun from Barry, smacking him in the head with it. 

🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌  🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌

“J, why are we at Barry’s?” I ask softly, glancing nervously at John B and Pope. 

“This will only take a second,” JJ mutters angrily, walking inside.

I leap out of the car, rushing after him. “Where are you going?” I frown. 

JJ marches inside, searching around. “I know you got a stash around here somewhere.” He mutters to himself.

“Yeah, what’s your plan, slick?” I ask gently. 

“Well, as thou hath stealeth from us, we shall stealeth from ye,” JJ says as he opens and closes cabinets. 

“That kind of got lost in translation, sharky,” I murmur.

“An eye for an eye, babe.” JJ glances at me. 

“Yeah, that’s great, J. But what happens after you rob a drug dealer, huh?” I cross my arms over my chest. “He knows who we are!” 

“I’m not scared of this guy.” JJ scoffs, pulling out a duffel bag. “There we go!” 

“JJ!” I shout. “If you keep going down this road, you’re gonna end up just like your dad, do-” 

“Don’t,” JJ says, dangerously calm. “Don’t even.” 

🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌  🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌

“Look, he’ll come around, all right?” John B bites his lip, sitting in a chair with Sarah on the front porch. “He’s doing a JJ thing.” 

I bite my lip, leaning into Kie for comfort. 

“You think he’ll go home?” Pope asks in a quiet voice. 

“There’s about a zero percent chance that JJ goes home,” I mumble. 

🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌  🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌 🏄 🌊 🚌

“Gotta be done before my scholarship interview in the morning.” Pope rubs his head, sitting in the back seat of Kie’s car.

“Okay, well, we gotta focus,” I mutter. “We only have so long to do this and we’re down a Pogue.” 

We climb out of Kie’s car, walking towards the Chateau. 

“What the hell?” I frown, noticing the bright lights. “Who the hell is that?” 

Sitting in a massive hot tub, surrounded by bright lights and clearly drunk, is JJ. 

“What did you do, JJ?” Pope asks hesitantly. 

“I got a jet going straight in my butt right now.” JJ giggles. “Y’all should get in immediately.”

“How much did this cost?” I whisper. 

“Well, with the generator, the petrol, and oh, hey, express delivery…” JJ pauses. “Pretty much all of it, yeah.” 

“All of it?” I gasp. “You spent all the money in one day?”

“Yeah, burned a hole right through my pocket.” He chuckles. 

“You could’ve paid for restitution!” I frown. 

“Well, I didn’t do that!” JJ huffs. “I got a hot tub. For my friends. I got a hot tub for my friends. You know what? Screw friends. I got a hot tub for my family!” He frowns, standing up in the water, large bruises littering his chest and stomach. “Just get in!” 

I step up into the hot tub, wrapping my arms around him, holding him as he melts into me. 

“I just couldn’t do it!” JJ sobs into me. “I can’t take him anymore! I was gonna kill him. I just wanna do the right thing.” 

“I know,” I whisper, pressing my lips to the top of his head.

permanent:

@deathbythousandcuts @hazzy @sunnymfskies @marauderskeeper​ 

outer banks:

@kwbaby24​

[phrynewrites]

6 and/or 50 for Branjie please?

Thanks for the prompt! Here’s a little snippet from The Audit (i.e. the rewrite of DOPS) Enjoy! 

6: “I’m not crying, you’re crying.”

50. “That looks like it hurts.” 

“So,” Brooke says, the greeting slashing like a knife as she closes the conference room door behind her, trying to hide her irritation at Director Oddly’s whole staff meeting in her office. She pauses, cocking a brow as she waits for them to quiet and face her.

She clears her throat, growing exasperated. But still, Silky doesn’t stop talking about her unresolved Venmo requests from when she covered drinks at bar trivia last night. 

“I have cut all funding from the…” Brooke glances down at her clipboard, squinting at her own tiny, slanted handwriting. “Lanmore Learnmore project. I will also be cutting at least one person from this staff monthly, until this department is comprised only of essential staff—” 

She continues talking over various objections with ease, learning long ago to block out the outcries of those who’ve never consulted their own budget, spent wildly, without consideration for their constituents’ tax dollar while truly increasing quality of life. In her experience, local governments experience less public backlash from their citizens when essential services are enhanced and fat is trimmed from budgets—even forty-five dollars saved per household is pleasing; most people think they can spend their forty-five dollars better than their government could.

So yes, she heard Yvie’s “fucking god,” muttered against her blazer sleeve and saw Scarlet drop her pen under the table, just for an excuse to not face Brooke as she announced lay-offs, and she knew Silky was rolling her eyes to the back of head at least six times over, while making no attempt to hide her scowl. 

But she stops once she hears a choked cry from across the room, namely, from Vanessa, who looks folded up in Brooke’s cushy desk chair, pulling Brooke’s cardigan off of the back of her chair and crumpling it in her lap. 

Brooke huffs. She’d have to send it straight to the dry cleaner. Maybe she should find one in town. Maybe she could wait until she got back to Richmond. 

“There’s nothing to cry about. It’s the truth of the situation, which you all put yourselves in.” Brooke points around the room with her pen. “Maybe if you all performed your jobs properly, cognizant of the budget you were provided, and frankly don’t deserve, I wouldn’t have to be here and we wouldn’t have to do this.”

“What the fuck, lady?” Yvie springs out of her chair, before Scarlet and A’Keria pull her back down by either shoulder. 

“I’m not crying, you’re crying. Fuck you.” Vanjie’s voice is small and swallowed up in herself. Nothing more than a quivering call across the table.

“Am I?” Brooke looks back at her from the side of her eyes, finding it difficult to look at the woman head on. “Look, it’s not personal. Numbers aren’t personal. Miss Mateo.” 

“Well, it’s personal when you’re cutting someone’s whole program, which helps people learn the job skills they need to rebuild their lives,” Nina poses, even toned, even as Vanessa crushed her hand in hers. “And you try to fire one of our friends every month.”

Brooke took a deep inhale. Friends. As if they won’t turn on one another the minute she leaves the conference room, trying to outperform each other to keep their jobs. Maybe then they’d actually perform the job they've been paid to perform for years, most of them, with either poor or unverified results.

“You’re destroying what she built her whole career on. Of course she’s upset,” Silky adds.

“I gotta get out of here. I gotta go now.” Vanjie pushes the chair out and throws the cardigan down on the table before haphazardly gathering her notebook and phone. As she stands, her phone slips out of her hands, rattling to the floor. She can't decide whether to pick it up or run, instead deciding to do both poorly. She doesn’t notice Brooke’s laptop charger lying across the carpet, running at full speed, tripping over the taut cable, her elbow slamming into the wheels of Yvie’s chair, her face slamming into Scarlet’s with a sharp grunt. 

Vanjie pulls her face back, squinting at the carpet. She can’t tell if that red stain has always been there, and if so, what’d it’d be from. Maybe from the last Christmas party, when Scarlet was standing on the table, barefoot, hanging up all of those string lights, already deep into a box of Chardonnay, and slipped off, expecting to be caught by her girlfriend, and instead crashing down like a rag doll thrown against the window by an angry toddler, earning herself a cut above her eyebrow. 

Vanjie swipes her hand across her face, trying to clear her mind, only to see red again. 

Brooke sucks at her front teeth. “Oh, that looks like it hurts.” 

“Yeah of course it would fucking hurt,” Yvie shouts back, sparking a series of outbursts, mostly from Silky, who pledged to find Brooke’s ‘fancy ass car’ and take all the stuffing out of her cushy, leather seats for hurting Vanjie, and A’keria, who decided that tomorrow, every single day, she’d do one thing to ruin Brooke’s day until it all mounted up and she’d have no choice but to quit, or have a complete break down in the office. Nina pries Vanjie off of the carpet. Scarlet stands up, trying to calm down all of the yelling, looking like Chris Pratt trying to round up the raptors in Jurassic Park, and faring about as well as he did, alternating between asking everyone to sit back down and telling Vanjie to make sure she doesn’t have a broken nose because, god, that thing looks fucked up. 

“Enough!” Brooke bellows, making the room feel cramped with her command. She’s pleased as each head snaps up. 

Vanjie braces herself against the window as Silky tosses Brooke’s cardigan over to Nina, who presses it against Vanjie’s gushing nose. 

Brooke will have to find a dry cleaner here, she supposes. 

“Now, someone take her to the ER—” 

“None of us have our cars,” Silky says, as though it were obvious. 

Brooke tears away from her bloody cardigan and the foolish woman holding it, wracked by heaving tears. “And why wouldn’t any one of you have a car. How did you get here? To your place of work? 

“Well, we were at bar trivia last night, which y’all all owe me for covering pitchers and mozzarella sticks. So me, Kiki, Vanj and Scarlet were out late and then Ubered to work,” Silky explains before taking a sip of her coffee. 

“But your shirt is…” 

“We keep spare work clothes at our desks. Ever since 2017,” Scarlet says easily. 

Nina turns the cardigan to press a clean bit against Vanjie, revealing a candy red blotch on it. “I was at Monet’s, working on the health fair, so she drove me with her.” 

Brooke has no idea who Monet was, or why this whole table of women were leering at Nina with a childish “ooooh,” as though Nina were just called to the principal’s office. She turns to Yvie, unclasping her palms to welcome her response. 

“I just…” Yvie turns scarlet. “Yesterday night I just...had a late night. Slept over with someone, and just, got a ride from her house.” It tumbles out, earning another chorus of oohs. 

Brooke shakes her head, face falling for a moment, zeroing in on Scarlet’s hand, still resting on Yvie’s forearm. “Wait, you two aren’t, you know?” 

This time, Brooke cuts off the peanut gallery as it begins to fire up, leaving Scarlet looking like a ghost of herself, wide eyed and stirring, and Yvie suddenly very interested in her finger nails. 

“Doesn’t matter. I’m taking you to the hospital,” Brooke says, nodding in Vanjie’s direction. “But don’t be mistaken, when I get back, I’m filing the reallocation paperwork for your program and drafting a severance package.” 

[finalgirlagatha]

12, 24, 43, 48 & 50? Oops my hand slipped-

I couldn’t help it tho your writing is immaculate✨

PLS can u imagine not stanning avani lmao could never be me 

12. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

i mean have you read my sgetober fics i want TEARS 

nah but i really do try to make my dialogue real and light hearted? when i’m writing tedros and chaddick interactions it’s gotta be funny those are my rules. either way i’m trying to squeeze emotion out. 

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

More then I can count! The Summer Seemed to Last Forever, wedding rewrite fic, an unreleased post tlea fic where Dovey is the psychiatrist with the third years, an au when dysfunctional family reunites when hester mom dies, and the Teen Titans au. Oh, and a road trip fic but that may be a while. 

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

God. Um. Bed sharing for life, hurt/comfort, domestic fluff, enemies to lovers. I love all the bantering, the teasing, and the slow burn is just so good. Also love college aus an unhealthy amount. i also simp for canon divergence 

One of my favorite scenarios of all time is final battles,, they’re so good. all the allies you’ve met over the course of the series reunite for one amazing showdown between good and bad. betrayal, hurt, emotions, it all comes to a final head. they’re amazing. gives me so much happy. of course, i’m not big on the dramatic battlefield deaths, but it’s a piece i’m willing to pay. 

 i’m also very ashamed of it but uh, werewolves. not the smeyer type, no need to worry, just good bois and girls with dog like behaviors. kinda like the ones in what we do in the shadows 

48. What is your favorite sentence that you’ve used in a fanfic?

I have no idea man. I went through all my fics and had highlighted this one a long time ago and I was like,,, wtf this is so good? it’s not my favorite, idk if I had a favorite, but I remember spending like twenty minutes on this alone. 

 “She smells so familiar, a smell that Hester can’t pinpoint but she’d know it anywhere, and the closeness and the sound of their pounding hearts collides and it’s so freaking amazing, and there’s no one outside but the two of them, and when Anadil pulls her closer, there’s no one in the world except for the two of them.” 

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

Of course you can you omg here’s two wedding fic previews because I couldn’t decide 

“If you’re not going to finish the dress three months early, then don’t take the job! How hard is that?” Sophie rages at the still mannequin and the white puffy skirt. The white bodice is incomplete, the pearled sleeves hanging off the arms. “Your seamstress should be fired.” 

“Sophie, I hate to break it to you but you’re insane. How did other fairy tales get their dresses done so fast?” Agatha asks, running her hands through her hair and pacing. She snaps her fingers. “Birds and mice!” 

They both look at each other. A hair pin falls out of Sophie's hair and makes a little clink noise on the ground. “Yeah, no. Not for us. Guess we’ll just have to do it the old fashioned way.” Sophie says, her finger glowing pink. Her hair flies out from behind her, eyes glowing maliciously, the mannequin seems to tremble before her... but Agatha grabs her wrist. 

“Wait, I have something better then birds and mice!” 

---------

“These gentlemen giving you trouble, beautiful?” Beatrix asks Reena smoothly, rolling up her dress sleeves. 

“Yeah, these guys giving you shit, uh, ugly?” Ravan echoes to Hort, who rolls his eyes despite the grin.

[sharethisgemwithme]

SUF 11 “In Dreams” instant reaction

But when we wake, it's all been erased, and so it seems... only in dreams. I told you it was stuck in my head. Alright, let's hope this is the impetus for Steven to stop concealing his feelings (as it seems like it would be pretty hard to do when they are broadcast on TV to your loved ones). As always, clock starts on "We", first watch has no pauses or rewinding.

0:03 - HERE WE ARE IN THE FUTURE. 0:22 - Etienne and Maya. 0:29 - Rave party at the Beach House! 0:38 - Are you just realizing that you saved the universe? 0:47 - holy shit Connie! 0:50 - Dammit it, it's fake. 1:01 - That's a bit morbid of a thought. 1:11 - PERIDOT is a bit too hyper for my taste right now. 1:25 - oh my god camp pining hearts is back 1:36 - that's such a goofy smile on her face 1:45 - that scene won't be memed to death and back 2:04 - The reboot sucks, doesn't it? 2:15 - DON'T DESTROY THE TV, PERI! 2:25 - why are we so fucking meta! 2:43 - that's creepy as fuck! i wonder if the communication hub is involved 3:01 - peridot, that's the least im-- NO STEVEN DON'T INDULGE HER 3:19 - i am so glad i am not an active shipper and thus have no basis for comparison or complaint about this entire bit 3:48 - this isn't going to accidentally be sadie/lars/shep meta, will it? 4:04 - nope, it's 250% self-insert 4:27 - [whispers] peridot, you're creepy 4:38 - oh my god, this is... this is uncomfortable. like, more uncomfortable than the steg scene and then some 5:05 - Zach Callison had a lot of fun recording this, i can tell 5:23 - OH JESUS THE DIAMONDS OH MY GOD THIS IS DISTURBING 5:39 - ok, so that scene of him waking up was a fake out. 6:11 - rewrites. sure why not? 6:21 - YES I CALLED IT. DOGCOPTER! but not really. 'cause i thought he would reject the notion. 6:40 - baby steven 6:49 - this is not the way i thought this logline would go. at all. 7:15 - oh no, a love triangle. why does peridot even know what a love triangle IS? 7:39 - this is Peridot & Steven productions, Steve-o. You're not first name on the board. 7:58 - uh oh. 8:05 - whew. i thought we were about to see the dome again. 8:19 - you're sending him into a trap now, arne't you? 8:33 - wow, not only are you betraying hi, you're making him watch. 8:43 - WHAT WHAT CONNISIDIAN? 9:00 - this is still a dream, dingus 9:10 - nothing like a good old dream hellscape to shake things up 9:44 - this is so depressing 10:04 - episode's not over yet 10:14 - whew, peridot is supportive. thank you for learning how to give a shit. 10:38 - whoa. peri without her glasses. 10:58 - i hope no one out there is saying SU is the worst! Episode instant sum-up: Well, if nothing else, Peridot knows about Steven's insecurities and is there for him. Now, he's gotta stop hiding it from everyone else.