#That is how badly she messed me up | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thegoddesswater · 3 months ago

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Americano: Have you ever done a collab with an artist or another writer? How did it go?

Herbal tea: Do you listen to music while you write? Do you make playlists for your stories? What kind of music do you use?

Thanks Lano!

Americano: Have you ever done a collab with an artist or another writer? How did it go?

Twice! The first time was an unmitigated disaster, which was Gen 1 Miadhachain Legacy. I've mentioned before how my co-author for that became extremely abusive and would leverage ML to make me do whatever she wanted (once she'd isolated me as completely as she could, she found a boyfriend and basically told me to fuck off and die because he did everything I did for her and more. She was a peach, I tell ya). This is why it's such a big deal to me that I find joy in playing with ML again, even though it's such a freaking mess. The second project went...better. School project, this was the progenitor to Talentless/Wild Card. Two co-authors for this one: one was the aforementioned ML collaborator (she was not involved with it beyond the very first iteration), the other is still one of my best friends. She's sort of taken a step back from the writing of Talentless in the last few years, but she is still definitely still super important and I text her all kinds of dumb thoughts about plot and characters all the time.

Herbal tea: Do you listen to music while you write? Do you make playlists for your stories? What kind of music do you use?

Sometimes! I used to listen to a lot more music while I was writing, but now I only listen sometimes. I can't typically listen to anything new to me when I write, because I'll want to pay more attention to the music than writing. (I tend to go for punk when I do put something on now) ML used to have playlists for all of the ships and there was so much angsty, emo, late 2000s music in those. The co-author was the one who made all of those playlists, and I'm sure I could probably still find the song lists for them somewhere - not that most of them work with MY version of ML anymore.

#ask game #That ML co-author passed away about eight years ago and I KID YOU NOT my first thought was that it was a trick so she could get to me again #And then I was seeing her everywhere for months after I found out - transit; street corners; stores... EVERYWHERE #That is how badly she messed me up

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borgialucrezia · 2 months ago

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JUAN: *yapping about wanting her to choose a wife for him and give her blessing* LUCREZIA: *plotting hundreds of scenarios on how to kill him*

#the contempt in her eyes is sending me so bad meanwhile he's :D and flexing his future wife who *happens* to look like her <3 #the way he was excited to see her walk in on him while he was having sex shows that both he and cesare really love it when she does that hu #also how she calculatedly surveyed the room and strategically placed the candle...lucrezia the cunning girl that you are!!#and now that he's sober he has become aware of how he messed up with her and is trying to cheer her up #only for him to realize he had messed up badly and that it was too late as she tried to kill him to avenge her child's father #it's quite sad especially knowing that he really loves and cares for her but he did something he can't come back from...siblings doomerism #lucrezia borgia #juan borgia #the borgias #perioddramaedit #perioddramasource #weloveperioddrama #dailyflicks #tvedit #tvfilmtoday #cinemapix #theborgiasedit #smallscreensource #onlyperioddramas #by jen

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red-dyed-sarumane · 7 months ago

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i live in an almost exclusively english speaking area with the other commonly spoken language being spanish so i really dont get the opportunity to actually speak in japanese beyond when im alone. so this 3am interview is going to be interesting since i dont think im allowed to use any english. i can do it, maybe not well, but i can do it im just having a bit of an "oh. this is a first. huh" moment.

#i cant speak to people i dont know in eng i cant even imagine how badly im going to mess some things up #but im not worried bc the worst possible outcome is inconsequential anyway.#realistically i sit there playing with my tenshi acukey off screen while i take 3 minutes to remember words. its fine #actually i do have one problem & its that i tend to say si instead of shi for no reason. i dont know why.#i can say し & i can say the english she but i go to speak full words and it ends up si. not always but a good amount of the time.#anyway wish me luck i guess.#i dont know any spanish btw. i have a rough time trying to roll my rs so i avoided it #i try in jpn sometimes when i get mad and its. hm. pathetic lmao

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mintandcreme · 5 days ago

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:)

#Probably my last CEO of complaining post for now…#I wish they didn’t have “Season on Memories” as the pre-release #Kills literally all the hype because it’s the title track and the mv comes out a week later #I feel like they started rushing this entire thing and didn’t put in as much care as expected #(Y’all know well I’m not talking about the members)#But obviously starting off with the crazy editing (how do you mess up that badly and miss a whole arm)?#The graphic designing I thought was fine but they’ve def had better #And the way Source Music has promoted the whole thing worked at the beginning #And built up a whole bunch of hype #And so I think most people expected a whole album and not just two songs (unless we get rerecordings)#And so for the price point I almost feels like a rip off (but it could just be me)#Merch was minimalistic (but they also did that to all the artists under HYBE so not too surprised)#And since they hyped up the album so much they really needed to live up to it #And having the title track as the pre-release felt so underwhelming cause I just went “ AHHH this is so good” not “OMGAHISHAJA”#They should have gave us a part of “Season of Memories” and then give us “Always” as the pre-release #And the GDA performance wasn’t mindblowing #I know they’re busy but instead of the “Season of Memories” what about a dance break and good transition (literal trademark of theirs)#Now I just feel like “Season of Memories” is an AMAZING song but with how they released everything it felt very lackluster #And not like the ultimate comeback it’s supposed to be even though it is!#WHYYYYY #Who is their marketing team 😭 I wanna have a talk with them #I think that’s all I can think of right now #GFriend #They better not ruin the rest of it thank you for coming to me Ted talk #OMG I FORGOT #THE AMOUNT OF SOWON LINES #If y’all could make sure she had 20 seconds of lines before why is it any different this time?#Genuinely hoping she gets a lot more of lines in “Always”

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plushri-moved · 7 months ago

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You know what? I just have to believe it will be good and I will be able to make it good. I can make it good. I can make the most out of it. I have so much to be grateful for and I will be happy

#i cannot find it for some reason but pretend this is a reblog on that post that's like #I bounce between“I can survive living at home again” and “I never want to live at home again” at top speeds #<- really badly paraphrased my own post #i forgor #anyway #I was just in the garden and sure it's a MESS but I was looking at it and thinking like hey you know I could actually fix that #lots of the mess I could pick up and dispose of myself and then I will hire someone to sort the lawn part it can't be THAT much #plus I will be working and not paying rent + utilities so I hope/think I will have a lottttt of disposable income #(the way less than £1K a month is a lot of disposable income to me GOSH. anyway)#my mum doesn't want to spend any money on the house because she wants to be moved but she's been trying YEARS and it hasn't happened #meanwhile she lives in a house that's a state and she hates it #and I'm not doing that for 2 years a garden is a privilege and I want to use it #depending on how much it is I might get the lawn replaced since neither me or my mum will be able to keep on top of cutting it #(hence why there are brambles taller than the fence out there)#I'm not sure with what though don't love the idea of patio but ugh it's low maintenance innit #and if I cam fix the garden I can fix the rest of the house #I get nowhere imagining the worst so I may as well imagine the best #nattering

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vampmilf · 4 months ago

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barely an hour at work and already on the brink of another breakdown i need to quit this fucking job and/or perhaps kill myself

#my boss told me i work too much overtime and i agree but also i am literally the only trained person on kitchen and unless we're fully #booked im alone and have to do everything myself and if theres a task i cant finish its waiting there for me tomorrow to pick back up plus #literally everything else bc everything in this hotel is fucking broken so i cant even do everything on time like this fucking dishwasher is #now broken for the what?? tenth time this summer???? hello???? so the dishes keep piling up and up and up and i have to do them later #whenever the technician shows up but that all goes toward extra time that i cant do certain tasks #pkus the night guard is incompetent as fuck every single morning theres so many mistakes i need to fix and i always have to clean up his #parts as well bc he never finishes breakfast on time and then leaves the kitchen looking like a mess #and the buffet looks like shit bc even though i tell him a million times how hes supposed to put things he keeps doing them differently and #BADLY on top of that so the buffet looks like someone just threw up some food on it in random order like i cant keep coming an hour early #just to hold your hand through the process of putting prepared food in the designated spaces youve been here for a month now at some point #youre gonna have to be able to fucking do this every time i come an hour early thats an hour i work longer every day bc of course all the #cleaning up after breakfast is done doesnt get any shorter #and then on top of THAT apparently im now responsible for ordering shit for the entire hotel and running meetings and oh yeah im also #supposed to watch over reception tomorrow WHILE doing breakfast. fantastic. thats gonna go so well i cant wait 👍🏻#and im also working on sunday btw. so cool. bc clearly im so well adjusted and also mentally stable that i dont need a weekend or whatever.#and its fully booked with one of the most important businesses in town so like no pressure no pressure #and of course the boss is on vacation bc she somehow is always on vacation during the busiest days which is also so cool of her to do #also did i mention no one is ever gonna love me and ill die alone bc i only fall for people i can never be with #but also thats cool and chill and i dont even care 👍🏻

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larryrickard · 8 months ago

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i had a dream that i made little cards that say "THEY!" on them that i handed out to people at work who got my pronouns wrong, immediately after they got it wrong. and in smaller text (or on the back) it said "i don't want an apology, i want you to do better" or "don't say you're sorry, DO BETTER" and ..... i kind of want to do it. maybe i'll get some moo cards made lmao

various scenarios included:

me slamming it down on a desk in front of them.

instead i had stickers, would slowly peel one off while they watched, and stick it on it on them.

handing out a quarter sheet piece of paper based on the 'i caught being good' tags we'd get in kindergarten which said 'i got caught misgendering hallie/my coworker'. it would have their name and date on it and a giant 🙁 face. i had them as a pad of paper and would hold up a finger to say 'wait a second', dramatically pull it out of my back pocket, take my pen out of another pocket, slowly fill it out in front of them, and hand it to them while staring them in the eyes.

getting a whiteboard for the outer side of my cubicle wall that said '[days] since i was misgendred' (with a bonus by saying 'last offender: [name]'

i also dreamt that i got into trouble for it because i was making people feel bad and was 'creating a hostile work environment'. i was just like.... okay and how do you think i feel? and my boss shut up real fuckin quick. dunno if that would be the case irl but if that does happen i can only dream.

#tired of the people who say 'i'm trying but i'm going to make mistakes'#ok sure i definitely mess up sometimes too but when it's not even close to 50/50 let alone merely uncommon ............. fuck you #what's sad is it's all people i like and it hurts so much #in the dream it the cards also said something about how i'm not a girl. not a lady. not a woman. stop saying that word to me ...#... in plural when i'm with female coworkers. about half the time i say 'not a lady' and only about half the time it's acknowleged #or that one who constantly posts female-empowering images on ig which are alienating bc it's clearly very binary #and getting comments like 'well it applies to you to!!!' why bc i have a pussy? fuck off #and she'll sometimes say 'thank you for your patience' (what patience) or 'have patience with me' (no.)#i've also thought of holding up my name tag in their faces bc my previous boss had it specially made for me #it's got my name position and pronouns #same boss tho..... he was REALLY consistent about using my pronouns but one day used she/her three times in a row before eventually...#... correcting himself and the next day i told him that really sucked especially from him and he later told me i should have been nicer...#... about it. i was PISSED. i said 'well then how should i have said it?' i don't even remember his answer i just know i wanted to go...#... off on him SO BADLY bc he said it 'hurt his feelings'. well too fucking bad bc every time i'm misgendered it makes me want to...#...die inside a little and feels like at the very least a tiny punch to the gut but that felt like being stabbed esp since it was a new hir #he also said 'ok but i corrected myself' yeah AT THE END after doing it THREE TIMES and that's not the point here #anyway lol this dream definitely stirred up shit unfortunately but i'm serious when i say i might actually have these made #like both my internal email and external emails have my pronouns in them (i had to campaign for this btw so thank you me)#but i recently added my own custom signature with 'they/them' in it that has a link about using pronouns correctly #me #lgbtq #nonbinary

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limeinaltime · 1 year ago

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I cooked and then I couldn't stop cooking

#limestuck #homestuck #adelyn fovero #erisolsprite #aderisolsprite #fantroll #doodles #oc x canon #idk guys i just #this version of erisolsprite is *slightly* softened thanks to Mari's influence on Sollux even if he's still a self-hating mess #I wanted Adelyn to do more and to narrow down the cast and one thing led to another #he ends up developing a soft spot for this sad blue girl from out of nowhere #she accidentally befriends a green bastard and their dynamic started growing on me #also green is the opposite of red just sayin like 👀#also Adelyn deserves better than stinky stinky Kuro so-#erisolsprite is not much better early on he's still a prick but he would make an effort if he saw how badly his temper affects her #maybe even reminds him of how both of his components hurt a certain fish girl with their bullshit #this was supposed to be a CRACKSHIP it wasn't supposed to be SERIOUS #FUCK

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jackass-jones · 5 months ago

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Was having so much fun replaying p3p that I forgot that this game is bad lol

#the klock keeps ticking #i gotta get my ranting gear on its happening again #just got to the part where its revealed that shadow experiments happened at the school 10 years prior #and yeah its as badly written as I remember lol #like first off it really is just kinda like ‘ah yes the kirijo group experimented on kids and created the dark hour and we’re being #recruited to clean up their mess’ and the only one who seems to care is yukari but then like #oooh she cant be mad after all cuz her dad was in on it or whatever #and my favorite fucking guy Ikutski is there with a smile like ah yes yes the fucked up shit ah well anyways lets keep fighting lol #and its like briefly mentioned so fucking casually that mitsurus family involved her in this shit and forced her to awaken to a persona #when she was like 8 and you know. now she has to act as a tool to clean up their mess #and it’s like hold up now. why arent we talking about this aaaaaaa just gonna drop that bomb and leave #my favorite fucking part though is like afterwards all the little scenes we get of the characters processing this information #none really seeming to care all that much about the fucked up part theyre just like ‘damn the dark hour is gonna end’#and we get some of that iconic p3 dialogue where characters just look into the camera and explain their trauma before walking away #akihiko just goes up to shinji to be like ‘hey lol remember that we’re both orphans and thats how we know each other and also my sister #anyway Keep Looking Forward™️ bye’ and then fuuka looks into the camera like #‘yes btw my parents have an inferiority complex and thats why they abuse me which is why i dont mind being manipulated’#like she just. says that its so funny this game was written by a toaster #its so frustrating cuz the conflict could be so interesting but they handle it soooo boring and ignore all the parts that shouldnt be #oh mitsuru dont worry ill write you a better game to be in #come to the fat lesbian party where we kill the kirijo group with hammers

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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years ago

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I just accidentally brought back a bunch of memories of stuff my mom used to say to me :')

#she said she wished id never been born. like girl that was on you not me #along with 'i could just get rid of you' as a threat multiple times #i thought she meant sending me to foster care but now... im not entirely sure she didnt mean unaliving me #she also used to threaten to cut off my thumb #i would say it was an empty threat but shed pull out the knives or scissors sooo maybe not #she would frequently ask what was wrong with me #call me ungrateful or a brat #remind me of all the things that she did for me and how much worse it could be #its hard to remember the stuff she said #idk it probably doesn't sound that bad but it seriously messed me up #she used to scream at me until i cried #shed call me a liar or satanic because i self harmed #god and im still not sure what rumors she spread about it but she definitely told people something #i would say she said something untrue but honestly idk. it could have been something i did actually do but phrased badly idk #i never got to find out #once the first person confronted me about it i had a mental breakdown because i didnt know what was going on and no one would explain #but clearly it was something bad because of how confrontational they were being #actually that wasnt even the first person kind to think of it #god im like shakinv just recalling it #she also called me selfish a lot #oh yeah she said she didnt care if i starved to death one time #which i mean. she clearly didnt care if i died but whatever #neither did I really #i want to remember everything but i can't :(

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twicecut · 11 months ago

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man. rewatching s3 scenes to get re-acquainted with diego and. the red flags. every single flag is red. i think lila is trying, and i understand her, i do, but the framing of each of their serious talks makes me want to yell.

#the whiplash of them being on the cusp of breaking up and diego's clearly upset #and lila demanding he go to a wedding which he does not want to go to because he NEEDS to save his family #his family is everything to him #the. ah man. the trying to force him to choose between her and saving his family.#and also trying to force him to undress when he clearly Does Not Want To.#and that all being frankly kind of alarming. juxtaposed with him giving her a romantic confession and (probably) having make up sex.#without like. really properly letting diego look at how kinda messed up that just was.#idk man. ik lila apologizes for lying and manipulating diego into thinking stan is their child to ''test'' him.#but the apology means so little to me when she does this and then later threatens to kill klaus if he talks to diego.#i do not think that lila is trying to be abusive but like. there is so much emotional abuse going on here.#and... idk man. i love her. their toxicity could be interesting. but the show keeps glossing over it. playing like it's romantic.#i want so badly for them to grow together not stagnate and ignore their glaring issues. lila and diego deserve better. aghhh.#out of knives [ooc];

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susansontag · 2 years ago

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was uncomfortably vulnerable with one of my flatmates a few weeks ago (over text lol) after we had an argument/tense situation just sort of, well, feeling I owed her an explanation for why I react the way I do when I’m upset and why in the moment I’m not very communicative and the weird shame I feel (even if like... it’s someone else who has upset Me lmao) and it was like quite embarrassing really and I felt I’d get a response like “oh brother, just get over it/yourself” or something. but I was surprised to see that when she did respond she was actually just thankful to now understand my emotional reactions in these moments because she just didn’t get where they could be coming from/how to interpret them and now she felt she understood it all a bit better. she just asked next time I communicate when I’m feeling this way so she can be assured not to worry about it too much and that I let myself react how I actually want to without this knee-jerk shame/guilt that makes me just want to shut off lol. anyways lesson learnt communication wins again etc

#would super love for a therapist to dig into why I feel guilt after someone has behaved badly towards me lol #I feel it when I behave badly but we all do that's understandable. it's the other way round that messes me up #anyway in this situation btw she'd actually upset me but then my reaction of just leaving the situation after upset her #bc she was stressed abt not knowing how bad it was/if I was rly angry at her or whatever #I think it's the not knowing how to interpret it that was the cause of the stress #so she seemed genuinely happy when I sort of tried to explain it lol #moth.txt

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poetryofyouth · 2 months ago

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suffering from the consequences of my actions (headache because i ran two (2) necessary errands in one day)

#ugh this fucking sucks #horrible day with horrible decisions #because the connections still suuuuckkk bc of flood damage i decided to drive to the train station #instead of taking the bus #bad decision #did not get a parking space #so then i had to drive into vienna #bad and scary #already had a headache before getting to the doctors appointment #and i like and respect my psychiatrist #but she thinks there's something else wrong with me #and wants me to get assessed for trauma stuff #which like why does every mental health care professional end up thinking there is something else something trauma related #like i know that SHOULD tell me something that they all end up at that conclusion #but like I don't see it or at least not anything like actually THAT bad #sure my parents weren't perfect #but if THEY fucked me up so badly then how in the fuck could anyone raise functioning children #i had it soooo mucb better than the average child even in my first world country #unless i have some michelle remembers level crazy shit going on like i do not think this makes any sense #but why do they all think trauma????#the actually traumatic stuff only happened later when i was already messed up #IN the hospital and BY the staff #but they insisted from the beginning i was hiding something like that back then as a teen i was protecting my parents or whatever #and literally please tell me why i am like this l #i would be thrilled #if i knew #i'd be absolutely ecstatic if you hypnotized me and i suddenly remember sth actually that horrible and not just.#mommy never hugged me and had high expectations.#because that is not something I can see as an explanation #anyways then i had to drive home with a bad headache and go shopping with a headache and now my head hurts at home

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red-omega · 2 months ago

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Kin memories have me stringing together the most unhinged sentences, like: "Amanita had a temporary truce with Hairman's crew during Night Swan's attempted takeover, because she was secretly one of Brezziana's aunts and was PISSED that Night Swan possessed her."

#ratmans lunacy #Like holy fucking shit do you know how badly you have to mess up for something like that to happen #Amanita LOATHED Hairman's crew because she thought they were responsible for the death of her sister #Which... They *werent*. Night Swan was. Amanita didnt know that though.#I mainly remember her collapsing a building to save me and some other people from a crowd of minions #All while telling me “RUN LITTLE RED BITCH RUUUUUUUUN” and laughing #Idk Amanita was weird

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wolfowls · 3 months ago

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....

#trying not to act like i'm not highkey down abt this dude avoiding me now after saying that i thought he was cute and i'd like to talk more #i asked his friend bc i was like oh mygod did i mess it up that badly. and shes like girl no he's just not looking for anything rn #and im like ohh ok he just doesn't fw me like that #FUCK i fumbled what couldve been a cool friendship #ok it's fine it'll be fine #it has been extremely disconcerting to figure out how i am when i have a crush as an adult. horrifying version of myself

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phagodyke · 7 months ago

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I feel like my meds keep wearing off earlier and earlier in the day ugh.. having to lie down now im home from work I'm shattered :-(

#was out of it from 2pm i had a whole 2 hours at work where i couldnt tell u what i even did. just so exhausted and empty #and i keep forgetting basic shit. thf i slept badly last night so this isnt representative of every day on meds #trying to keep that in mind before i start wailing abt how they dont work bc they DO. but ONLY if i sleep and eat properly #ah i dont know.. im gonna go to bed early tn anyway im getting rly irritable again #i think i might be coming down w a cold actually my sinuses feel a bit inflamed #so there we go #but yeah ill get back to my dr abt supplementing w short release. and we'll see.#if that doesnt work ill try a week or 2 more at this dose and then decide whether to stick with it or give up on meds #well i dont want to give up. but im rly apprehensive abt non stimulants bc ive heard the ones she suggested can stop periods #and anything that fucks w my cycle always messes me up badly... idk what it is. hormones i guess #and some ppl have said they got rly bad mood swings on them n shit. if i have worse mood swings u wont hear from me again 👍#ah shit i have a nosebleed #changed my mjnd i was gonna take a cold shower but im putting the hot water on i need a long one #ill eat now while its heating up. and then msg dr. and then play a FUCKING videogame bc i haven't all weekend i feel insane #.diaries

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