#That anyone suffering from depression

[jay72664]

Just one little walk

TW: Dazai is depressed coded.

“Not doing anything won’t make you feel any better.”

Dazai didn’t reply.

It was easier to lie in bed.

Easier to let the voices win.

Chuuya lets out a sigh, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Come on, darling, we can go do something. Some fresh air will do you good.”

Chuuya was expecting Dazai to not say anything.

“Go away.”

He was wrong.

“I’m not going to leave you here to wallow in your own self pity. Like it or not I’m worried about you and want to help.” There was desperation in his voice, a desperate need to help the man he loved.

“I don’t need your help.” Dazai snaps, not rolling over to look at him.

“No, you don’t want my help, but you desperately need it.” Chuuya’s tone is sharp, but his fingers moving to thread through Dazai’s hair are gentle.

Dazai finally turns to face him, looking exhausted, his eyes void of any real emotions.

Chuuya’s heart broke.

“What if I just want to stay here?” Dazai asks quietly.

Chuuya let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. “It’s not healthy, Osamu, let’s just go on a walk, it doesn’t have to be long.”

Dazai closes his eyes. “And we can come back and cuddle?” He asks quietly.

Chuuya nods. “I promise.”

Dazai sits up. “I guess we can then.”

Chuuya presses a kiss to his forehead. “I love you.” He whispers into the skin there.

Chuuya’s lips press against his forehead.

Dazai finally opens his eyes again when he pulls away.

“I love you too.”

[tea-cat-arts]

Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will

[vadianna]

I... think I'm posting again? I've been lurking more-or-less constantly on Tumblr since the last time I posted (and, LBR, since 2010), but in the meantime I have Gone Through It.

Engaging in fandom again will be good, though I still have bad social anxiety and struggle to make conversation. But! It helps to try.

The other problem is, I figured I'd find another fandom at some point, and the process would happen very naturally. I haven't. I still love Star Wars, and kylux, though I'm pretty tapped out on ideas. I'm hoping Andor will give me fuel for another try at Mothma/Krennic, because Reign of the Empire gave me A Lot of thoughts. Most other things I like (I read a lot of danmei, I played Disco Elysium, uhh… IWTV) have not sent me off the deep end, which is sad.

[ettadunham]

sometimes i remember the hunger games and how nobody actually paid attention to what was in those books

[hyperkitten224]

drawing Ragatha slightly differently 4 my next art

[ursaspecter]

Cool new super power that I unlocked when I finished Red Dead Redemption 2: I can now cry on command. All I have to do is play Red by Daniel Lanois in my head!

[allisonreader]

I'm in a mood, so below are some more personal ramblings.

This hasn't come up recently, but I find that in this particular moment that I am thinking about it. And that is most people's perception of me, both in person and online. I find it so interesting that the general perception of me is this bright, bubbly personality that can lighten the mood with my smile. (Obviously this is extremely a generic description but it is apt. As I have been told it in some variation throughout my life.)

But quite literally since at least kindergarten, the two most common comments on my report cards throughout my school career were about how I was a delight to have in class and my smile always lit up the classroom with my particular knack for procrastination mentioned shortly after.

I've always been the one with a smile to the point where more than once in high school when I had a more neutral expression on my face, I had people ask me out of concern if something was wrong, when nothing was.

So anyways I do think that it's interesting that this perception of me even bleeds into how I come across online. That this "sunshine and rainbows" sort of positive personality shines through what I write and post, even though I feel like it doesn't always. But I've had more than one person make comments that say exactly that to some degree. Bright is often used.

And I guess why I'm thinking about this right now is because at the moment I certainly don't feel bright or bubbly. Right now I feel a touch lonely. Which aches across the chest.

A big problem I have though is that I like to bury and ignore that feeling sometimes. I will sometimes reach out to people, but will I admit to why I'm trying to contact anyone, no. Because why admit to loneliness or anything else? Not when you can bury them down deep. I'm not looking for any advice, because I know what the solution is. It's getting out there, reaching out to people whether I want to or not and going and doing something. (Here enters procrastination once again.)

Anyways I just needed to write that out currently. And now this can get lost in the void. Though I am up for a chat.

[astralsys]

hi again been a bit... uhhh why'd I wanna make this again? oh right talking about random shit. I do wanna get back into some things I left off with some friends of mine, but due to being me and it being a very hard existence things didnt go as planned and I kinda dropped it and lost interest.... which really sucks cause I have so many ideas for where I wanted to take my story ( working on a kirby au of sorts havent sorted out through the entire thing cause my brain doesnt wanna work with me :/ ) that I wanted to actually bring into existence instead of it all just being in my head or a rough draft. maybe I can push myself into gaining interest again by actually working on it again. what I had orginally thought up is no longer what I wanna go with so new things are hard to come up with. off topic from that I have so many fucking games I need to get back to and the game list keeps getting bigger and bigger its gonna drown me at some point :( whyyyyy do I keep doing this to myself.... doom I'm dooming myself this is what I'm doing. and cause I'm me I'm def gonna be forgetting that I made this post in the first place! dont you love being this mess of a person? isnt this FUN?!

[tardis--dreams]

I wish i could get buproprion without a prescription this shit is way too good to give up ㅠㅠ

[youhavethesun]

I love buffy summers so so much. She’s so perfect and so incredibly complex and flawed.

She loves her sister more than anything in the world. She makes terrible puns. She wasn’t able to kill her soulless ex-boyfriend when she first had the chance. She blames herself for his murder of her father figure’s girlfriend. She wears bedazzled beanies while hunting demons. She always believes children when they tell her about the monsters under their beds.

She’s patrolled in a halterneck many times. She has a multitude of cross necklaces which she switches out depending on her outfit. Sometimes she fears she’s just a glorified killer. She was murdered when she was sixteen and died to save the world when she was twenty. When her mother died she waited until she was alone to do the dishes and let the running water cover the sound of her cries. She’s terrible at undercover.

She wears hoop earrings while fighting for her life. She was reduced to a catatonic state when she believed that she had failed to protect her sister. She’s isolated herself from anyone she believed cared about her more than once. She’s suffered from severe ptsd and depression. She critiques old kung fu movies from a fight choreography standpoint.

She is an expert in denial and suppression. She came back wrong - or at least she thought she did. She desperately tries to keep to a code of honour even when everything she believes about right and wrong is constantly shifting around her. She bears the weight of the world on her shoulders. She sleeps with a stuffed pig named Mr Gordo. She’s feared that her duty as the slayer would turn her to stone, that above all else she would lose her ability to love.

She loves more fiercely than anyone in the world.

[pwettybbybunny]

Sweetness Overload!! (HSR Men and Cute Stuff they do!)

Argenti has the most exquisite house (spaceship) garden, making you the prettiest flowers weekly, and jotting on a note, what each flowers symbolizes. He also often likes making you flower crowns or random flower art, and will tear up if you do the same.

Aventurine before you start dating liked making a whole show of constantly calling you wrong names every time making your frustrated with him, except when he tucks his coat around shoulders after he find you slumped in front of your computer during overtime, dead asleep, whispering a good night, and sweet affirmations, checking your breath and finally uttering an 'i love you' once he confirms you are asleep. I think after 173 total posts this is the first time i wrote aventurine not being depressed or traumatizing him more lol.

Blade makes sure everyone knows you are his. You two out in public? He will be all over you, arm around you shoulder or simply clutching you from behind, as you two walk, he likes holding you whenever. You are rarely seen out alone, in public, if ever. He likes being with you as much as he can. Good things barely exist in his life, so he's gonna hoard you all to himself.

Boothill remember everything you say or do, your likes and dislikes? Can list all in his sleep. Each and every order you place in your favorite restaurants? Saved in his cloud storage. Every single important date? Your birthday, your first kiss, the first time he met you, the first time you hold hands, your anniversary, everything.

Dan Heng is an amazing listener. Every trouble you got, just tell him all about it and let him kiss them away. He's an empath and will help you mentally deal with your struggles. After everything he has faced in and even before the shackling prison, the last thing want is for his lover to face anything remotely as same, so very protective too. Also, he loves your voice, love hearing you speaks, loves to fall asleep to it, and to wake to your pretty voice. His fav place to kiss you is your throat,

Dan Feng liked to doll up and gift shiny stuff to his little mate. Anytime he sees any pretty accessory or clothes, he will bring them home, almost a hoarding problem. Loved to see you in the stuff in brought you, or enjoy any of his gifts. The high elder's mate was very popular for the way they were dressed like a god/goddess head to toe with jewelers and the best garments in all the Xianzhou ships.

Dr Ratio other than the hundreds of your statues he made, he likes to learn about all your interests. Any subject you like, any conspiracy theory, any fictional book you are reading, any game/tv show lore, he wants to know it. There is knowledge in everything, and by knowing about your interests more, he would learn about more, and he desperately wants that.

Gallagher names all of his drinks after you. Something sweet? It's name after something he likes about you. Spicy? Something that makes you feisty. Bitter? Something you hate. The entire bar staff, especially Siobhan likes to tease you for it.

Gepard likes to draw for you, like a little child, 2 stick figures holding hand. Little picture of his dear family of 4 (you him and his sister), and stuff like that. Will cry if you put those drawings on the refrigerator or frame it, that's literally make his inner child so happy after the abuse he suffered in his childhood.

Jiaoqiu likes talking about you. Anyone and everyone who knows him or get to talk to him for more than 5 minutes, will know how amazing you are and how much he loves you.

Jing Yuan loves holding you. Just sit in his lap play your games on your phone and let him nap, his head resting on your shoulders, he can spend an eternity like this. He is his happiest when you're in physical contact with him, too much tome away from you and gets antsy and pouty like a kid, though he don't show that exteriorly, for the sake of his reputation, but for Yanqing it's quite obvious.

Luocha loves to take care of you. Feed you, help you groom, help you with any tasks, everything, nor is he the type to shy away from complimenting you, he is a merchant, he words are beautiful and filled with flattery almost like those anime butlers. You are his little prince/princess and he makes sure you know that with how special he makes you feel.

Moze will give the chocolate end of his ice cream cone. This man is very self sacrificing for his love. You are his top priority, and in his his you are worth more than him himself. His happiness in entirely based on yours.

Sampo like to make chocolates for you. Very random, I know, but each valentines day, he with the help of the moles, makes you homemade chocolate, even go as far as to craft the box for you. They are not the best nor the prettiest, but it comes from the bottom of his heart, also he surprisingly buys all the ingredients too rather than stealing them, so you better apprecite it.

Sunday loves to either sing or you to sleep, he would yap and yap, his voice so melodious, the lullaby he sings so calming and nostalgoc, taking you in his arms, and gently petting you. Other than his sister when she was a child, you are the only one blesses enough to hear this bird chirp.

Welt trying to use gen z or gen alpha slangs and failing (definitely tried using 'skibidi ' or 'rizz' unironically), trying to imitate the express trio's speach pattern, so he can be cool, and match up with you, despite his withering bones. Kiss the grandpa and appreciate his efforts.

I will write nasty Dottore smut to cleanse my sins of writing fluff soon! The next post will should be very big, so I hope I can complete before falling asleep.

[firelxdykatara]

The thing that always hits me about season 5 is like... Buffy is just so fucking tired.

It comes on gradually, and of course season 6 is widely known for Buffy's depression arc, but the seeds are well and truly planted in the season before it because I think season 5 is when it truly starts to hit her that... she was never supposed to live this long.

Because throughout history, Slayers have been incredibly short-lived. They make it to adulthood if they're very lucky, and at the age of 23 Buffy is officially the longest-lived Slayer in history. At 20, she had already well surpassed the average, and she's really starting to feel it. It's no coincidence that this is the season when she starts giving up on the life of the normal girl she'd been so doggedly clinging to, refusing to give up just because she's the Slayer, since season 1. She drops out of college, her mom dies, Riley leaves (and she didn't even love him but he was something normal and good and she couldn't help but cling to him even when she knew she shouldn't and no thanks to Xander's terrible fucking advice but ANYWAY), she has nothing but being the Slayer and taking care of her sister--who isn't truly her sister but finding that out doesn't matter because she is in all the ways that count.

And she's tired. Because she's just one girl, one woman, with the weight of the world on her shoulders--and every other Slayer in history was eventually crushed by it, killed by the very darkness they were destined to fight (and die fighting), most of them never even making it this far. So she's standing there, hearing Dawn tell her that she has to let her go, to let her sacrifice herself to save the world because it's what she was created for, it's the only way- and she remembers.

Death is your gift.

And on the face of it, yeah, her death is the gift she gives to her sister to ensure she lives, and to her friends and the world to ensure they are not consumed. But also? Death is her gift. And it's not just realization dawning on her face in the rising sun--it's relief.

Because finally, finally, she can just let go.

She doesn't have to fight anymore. She doesn't have to suffer, or lose anyone else, or lose more pieces of herself. She can just stop. She can just rest.

Because the universe calls for one single champion, one teenage girl in all the world to fight all the powers of darkness and evil. And at the end of it all, the world offers her nothing in return except this--true and final peace. Death is her gift, and she rushes to meet it and she thinks finally, finally, she can just stop fighting. Stop everything. The world will be ok without her, there's always someone else to take up the mantle. She doesn't have to be the one everyone else is counting on. And she's so exhausted and so ready.

And then she wakes up in her own coffin. And all that suffering she thought she'd finally been allowed to escape crashes down on her a hundred fold, and of course she would stagger under its weight. But I think deep down some part of her blamed herself even for that. Because she'd been so ready to give up, stop fighting, end her own torment and then... her friends needed her back so badly that they ripped her from the only sliver of true peace she'd known since her Calling, and how could she say they were wrong for it when she feels so very wrong to her core for being so ready to let go in the first place?

Idk where I'm going with this, just feeling a lot of emotions about Buffy Fucking Summers today I guess.

[moonberry69]

Has anyone else discussed this? It’s been swirling around in my brain.

Caleb’s “fall from grace” is actually quite depressing. He went from being a child experiment (assuming for now, though his anecdote confirms it for me) to being a free, super intelligent, uber popular boy that grew into a talented, gold medal winning, rising star pilot. Now, he’s a mid 20s tool for the very same group that experimented on him and the love of his life. He is sacrificing his entire self for the woman he has been in love with since he was a child.

We don’t really know how much of his true self he hid behind a facade growing up but I think it’s ok, for now, to assume he enjoyed life, at least. He socialized a lot, had friends, went to parties, had many hobbies, excelled in school. He did “normal” teen/college kid stuff. Yes, his entire world revolved around MC but he had so much more, also. He loved being a pilot. It was his dream and he busted his ass to make that dream a reality. He seemed to genuinely enjoy some of the people around him (Gideon, Patrick, etc). He had a future to look forward to.

His life took such a huge, dramatic shift for the negative. His life is lonely and his mind is on only one thing: saving MC. He isn’t thinking of himself. It all has to affect him in some way. He has no one left but MC. He has no friends and hasn’t since the explosion. He even has a line in the cafe where he states that in Skyhaven you don’t make new friends, just new recruits. He was a social butterfly type it seems. Now he’s isolated and just has his own thoughts to keep him company. He probably hasn’t truly enjoyed a hobby or even thought about them since he woke up. He suffers from nightmares. He’s experimented on. He’s losing himself and may one day lose his memories to a control chip. He has zero joy in his life other than MC and that relationship is rocky, at best, right now. He’s plagued with insecurities and thoughts of losing her. The fear of losing her is consuming him.

What does it do to someone to go from being surrounded by friends and endless opportunities to being forced to conspire with known enemies and have only one path in front of you (not a pleasant one, either)? It’s not as if he was mentally stable to begin with. His anecdote confirms he wasn’t.

I guess saying that all of this started after the explosion isn’t correct, either. In his myth, when MC is snooping on his computer, she finds that he was involved in special secret training before joining the Fleet.

I wonder if he was aware all along that eventually the nice, comfortable world he had would eventually come to an end or if he allowed himself, even for a bit, to believe that maybe he could just live his life the way he wanted. The comment he makes in his bond story leads me to believe that he knew it would all end eventually, in some way (the comment about the storms MC has to face in the future).

When did the realization that his life was about to drastically change hit him? During the special secret training when he was at the DAA? Did he throw himself fully into “life” because he knew he was on borrowed time so he wanted to squeeze as much out of it as possible? Even if he thought he had somehow skirted being put through hell again, he seemed to know MC wouldn’t be able to do the same. Did he throw himself fully into experiencing everything he could because he knew she had a countdown before hell came down on her and he, of course, wouldn’t let her do that alone so he felt like he was on a timer too? Or was it post explosion? He does make the comment in his main story, when MC is sleeping, that if he had known then what he knows now, would things have been different. So was he blown up, revived, and then forced into the reality of how much danger MC is in and how his life will never be the same going forward, all while throwing himself in enemy line of fire to protect her as much as he can?

Thoughts about him are gut wrenching (ALL of the guys, honestly. My Fishie 😭).

Sorry if this seems rushed. It is! I just had to ramble and get my thoughts out.