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broijuswannareadsmut · 3 years ago

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Being Ran Haitani’s FWB (friend w benefits)

A/n: tbh this idea jus sparked in my head while I was going through the TR smut tag sooo yeah 😊 specifically this post by @rxnswhxre this might be OOC but I’m not sure

Content warnings ‼️: Switch!reader switch!Ran, g/n pronouns, female anatomy mentioned, pet names (doll,pretty,gorgeous etc), swearing, consumption of 🍻🍺 , use of 🍃, driving while under the influence, slight possessiveness, jealousy, angry s#x sorta, mutual pining, objectification, creampie, orgasm denial (m receiving), overstimulation (m and f receiving), humiliation? (m receiving), oral (f receiving), vaginal penetration, nipple play ( f receiving) , consensual recording, slapping (m receiving), degrading, praising, cockwarming, aftercare, hurt w comfort, fluffy corny shit. (Lmk if I missed sum)

taglist: @takeomiswhvre

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You and Ran had been friends for about 2 years give or take, it started off by you two meeting each other at one of those clique high school parties where everyone got wasted and made no good life choices. You had been sitting on top of the kitchen counter observing the scene, people playing beer pong, people daring each other to drink an entire bottle of Sour Puss, and people passed out on the floor, yk the usual. As your legs were swinging boredly from the marble counter your eyes caught sight of a tall figure entering the kitchen, their outfit was trendy and practical. They were wearing brown cargo pants, with a white T-shirt topped with a lighter brown Don Ed Hardy sweater. It certainly caught our attention, you were intrigued. As the figure got closer and you could see their face in the light, you realized that it was a boy with a lazy smile on his face along with blond sections paired with black hair made into two simple French braids. He was handsome to say the least you noted that right behind him was a slightly shorter boy with blue and blond hair with rounded glasses, he was cute but not your type. As you were staring at the doll like boy you made eye contact, his light eyebrows raised curiosity and his lazy smile was replaced with a smirk. You rolled your eyes at his brazen demeanour and sipped whatever fucking shit was in that red solo cup. You did a once over of the place just in case you had been able to spot one of your friends. As you were turning your head to look back into its normal position the tall boy was in front of you. You flinched at the close proximity. Your eyebrows furrowed and your lips were slightly pouting at the sudden surprise.

“Hi doll how are you tonight?” The man spoke up.

“I should be the one calling you doll with those braids.” You retorted.

“Awww what you don’t like them? And here I thought I would look like the prettiest princess at the party.” He playfully said.

You hummed curtly at his joke, it was funny but you wouldn’t show him the satisfaction of knowing that, you knew what kind of guy he was, arrogant, cocky, manipulative, just any negative fuckboy connotation you could think of really.

“You know that you wanted to laugh pretty.” He observed.

“When something is funny I laugh doll.” You smiled condescendingly.

“Okay. Then I’m going to stay here all night with you if I have to just to make your ass laugh.”

You groaned at the statement. “Please don’t.”

“Too bad~ I’m staying ♡.” He sang.

You sighed knowing that he wouldn’t leave you alone, and yet you still refused to give him what he wanted, a guy like this definitely has had everything handed to him on a sliver platter, so why were you going to repeat the cycle?

“So what school do you go to?” He asked.

“Why so you can follow me there too?” You grinned.

“Of course pretty, I’m your new stalker.”

“Great… I hope you’re not another Ted Bundy.”

“Nah I’m Ran Haitani baby, not a pussy little bitch who rapes and kills woman.”

“Wow what an eccentric name for an eccentric person. Also you like true crime?”

“Wow thanks for the compliment pretty. And yeah do you?”

“Your welcome, yeah I do I read a lot of books about it.”

“I like reading but not that kinda stuff, I like listening to podcasts instead.”

“Ooo the little princess likes to read? What genre?”

“Yes I do~ hmm romance fiction.”

“We have a hopeless romantic on our hands don’t we?”

“Yeah, I am, maybe we could be one of those cheesy romance stories love.” He grinned toothily.

“Not a fucking chance Haitani.” You laughed at his corny suggestion.

He frowned at your stubbornness. His eyebrows dropping and rolling his eyes. “You’re so tough to get through- uh… ahaaa.. What’s your name pretty?”

“Wow you had entire fantasy about me and you together and you don’t even know my name? Not very gentlemanly of you Ran.”

“*Tch* it slipped my mind doll “m sorry, but stop being so damn difficult.” He snapped.

You got off the counter in annoyance , he had so much audacity to say that you were fucking difficult when you had no intention of continuing to talk to him in the first place. You were now face to face to him, well more so he was looking down at you while you scowled at him. You both were looking at each other with such annoyance. You grabbed him by his collar and pulled him down to your height,

“ I don’t know who the fuck you think you are Haitani, but I’m not going to sit here and be one of those bimbo bitches you love to play, until you get bored of them and leave to go play the next one. You play women like instruments because as a kid you never got enough attention from your mother and now you resent women because you hold a grudge against her.”

Your words spat venom in the older Haitani’s face, of course you were right but how were you able to figure him out so quickly? He had never liked being proved wrong, he had always remained mysterious, never allowing anyone but his brother get close to him , he didn’t like how you were one of the first people to analyze his weak points perfectly. He was stunned. You were aggravating him.

You scoffed. You were pissed off, no one talked to you like that, you shoved him away from you with all your force and he stumbled on his feet a little bit. You were leaving. You were getting past all the bodies on the floor and still up and about, as you were finally outside of the party walking to where you left your car you felt your wrist got gripped onto and pulled you back against the side of a brick fence wall (yk rich kid neighbourhood) with said wrist being held above your head. Before you could even retaliate the person was speaking,

"No one talks to ME that way, and I know who the fuck I am, I'm Ran Haitani one of the rulers of Roppongi, and I'm not going to take shit from a trashy high schooler."

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You're gonna use your bullshit title against me so I can suck your dick and treat you like a king? Fuck that. Now let go of my wrist before I scream and beat the shit out of your skinny ass." You fumed at the black and blond boy.

Ran let go of your wrist but he kept you enclosed with his arms. "No I just want you to apologize."

"Fuck your apology Annabelle, I'm not giving you shit after the stunts you've pulled in less than A HOUR!" You raged, you just wanted to go home and this mf wasn't letting you. "First off you don't even know my name and yet you've said yours at least 5 times since you're so self centered, second I probably bruised that ego of yours pretty hard if you're going to the extent to harass me." You ranted.

At this point Ran had let his arms flop to his sides and was looking at you with a blank expression, to the unexperienced eye it would've looked like he was unphased at your rambling but Ran had a tell that whenever something irked him or rubbed him the wrong way his left eye would twitch ever so slightly.

"Okay I think we're done here, and if you follow me home shit will go down." You pushed passed him and walked a few more meters to your car, fumbling to grab your keys and unlock the driver seat you heard footsteps coming from the sidewalk (passenger seat side), you groaned. Fuck my life man.

"What's your name?"

Long story short he went home with you and had had sex, well it was hate sex more than anything, consisting of you slapping his pretty face for all the shit he was saying earlier whilst riding him, and him cumming faster than he ever had because of it. Surprisingly he asked for your number and you reluctantly gave it to him, he didn't even ghost you! In fact you guys became very close and sex was a casual thing between the two of you, but never daring to put a label on it or doing that "exclusive" bs.

Fast forward you two being fresh outta high school, you had just recently turned 18 while Ran was 19, you were out in a club in Roppongi that the brothers owned and were partying with said brothers. You had been out for a few hours now, you had been drinking a little bit since it was free (for you anyway) and you were having a friendly conversation with Kakucho, only slightly nipping the surface of each other's pasts. You were laughing at a comment he made since he was surprisingly funny despite his stoic face.

"Hey y/N excuse me I have to go to the restroom really quickly but don't worry I'll be back." The partially blind boy said with a shy grin.

"Don't worry Kaku "m not goin' anywhere, take your time." You smiled back. He thanked you and shuffled passed all the blobs of skin in the area. I wonder where Annabelle is...

Speak of the fucking devil. You spotted the boy at a booth with a fat blunt in between his index and middle finger, with a slut on his thigh. He was clearly chatting her up, and she was eating it up, playfully nudging his shoulder with her cheap ass acrylics and doing that pick me girl laughing. Your blood was rising in heat, you had had countless conversations about what you two were and had always come up with the same conclusion "just friends that fuck from time to time", you knew that Ran would fuck other people and so did you, but you never had the audacity to try to make him jealous or rub it in his face that you were with other people occasionally. You were trying to calm yourself down and breath deeply but your jealousy and anger got the best of you. You stood up from your seat and began walking over to the booth. Ran spotted you coming and had that aloof lazy smile on his face.

"Hi y/N what's wrong? Do you need something?" He asked unconcerned, yes he admits that he immediately noticed the anger on your face how could he not've? You had gotten mad at him countless times, but he didn't want to cause a scene or bring it up in front of the pretty bimbo bitch on his thigh.

"Yes something is wrong Haitani, and you know what it is." You hissed, whilst looking up and down at the girl more clearly, she was blonde, her makeup was baky, her falsies inner corners nearly falling off her eyes, her tits were huge, and her grimy paws were resting atop Ran's chest.

"I'm afraid I'll need more information to know what's upsetting you y/N." He simply said taking a hit from the blunt. "I'm sorry baby she's bothering us at the moment but let me sort this out." He turned to the blonde as he playfully kneaded the fat of her hip and thigh.

He swore he saw literal flames in your eyes when you saw him do that.

"You know what Haitani? You're a fucking bitch and I hope you get a STI from this slutty whore" You stepped forward and left hooked his ass. The side of his face landed smack down on the granite table dropping the blunt on the seat, the blonde gasped and began to panic. You had to shut her up before people noticed what was going on.

"Shut the fuck up bitch." You lifted your right hand and backhand slapped her, she fell on the floor and seemed to be knocked out from one slap. You huffed and picked up the still lit up blunt from the chair and turned on your heel to leave. Fuck this shit, I'm done with Ran he can suck a cock and die.

You walked out of the club with being halfway done with the blunt. You exhaled and asked the valet to grab you your car. Funny story Ran got it for you on your 17th birthday saying "the piece of junk you're driving right now isn't enough for you pretty."

"Thanks." You said directly to the valet boy and subconsciously indirectly at Ran’s grand gesture. You hopped inside. Thankfully you were only 20 minutes away from your apartment. Wow y/N driving while high? So responsible of you.

"Go fuck yourself." The weed the Haitani's bought was no joke, you could green out off of just 3 hits if you weren't careful, but right now your entire being was filled with pure hatred for the eldest brother, so you couldn't care less.

Back at the club Ran quickly recovered from your unexpected hit, he had gotten hit by you before and at times he thought you were stronger than South, he knew this punch would leave a mark. The blonde was on the floor and you were gone, with his blunt at that. Fuck I have to go see them, I might've fucked up bad this time.

Ran let Rindou know that he was heading out to go find you he understood, knowing that your guys' relationship had always been turbulent. Ran left the club in his black maserati and speeded to your apartment.

Your mind was heavy but your mind was still hyper aware of the entire situation, you couldn't even remember how you had managed to park or how you'd gotten to your floor, or even when or if you had finished the blunt, but you did. You struggled with unlocking the front door but managed after what felt like 20 minutes. You locked the door behind you and slipped off your shoes. You were desperate to take of your clothes since they felt so overbearing on your skin. Your clothes were scattering across your floor and you were left in only your purple lacy panties, I wonder who bought you those too...

Ran finally arrived at your place under the span of 10 minutes since he sped through the streets of the district he had lived in since birth, the people at the frontdesk knew who he was and let him onto your floor no questions asked.

He got to your door and of course it was locked. He quickly got out the key he had copied without your knowledge and unlocked it. He locked the door once again and walked down the hallway to pick up the clothes you had stripped earlier, first thing he noted was the stench of za coming from your clothes.

He continued walking down the hall and turned to go to the bedroom he had been in a multitude of times. There he found you sprawled on your bed with your tits out and the dim lamp on your desk shining at the ceiling. Your face was blank until you realized there was someone at your doors. You promptly covered your chest and went to see who the culprit was.

"Oh... it's you. How the hell did you get into my home?"

"Not important. But what the fuck was that stunt you pulled back there y/N? Clocking me in the face and then running off?"

"I believe in getting rid of any toxic and negative energies in my life, since my higher self works better like that." You stated, with your eyes squinting attempting to see Ran's face better.

"I don't know what you just said, but you're always so outta pocket, I don't even know why I still fuck with you if I'm being honest."

"ME? Being fucking outta pocket Ran? That's hilarious, you were the one feeling up on some bitch who you had probably met 5 minutes before, being fully aware that I was there."

" I wasn't the one flirting with Kakucho at the bar and laughing at all his remarks like a cock hungry slut. But then again that is all you are right y/N?"

At this point you had given up on trying to hide your breasts from him and crawled off your bed to confront him face first.

"I don't know what your mentally deficient brain is thinking but I wasn't flirting with Kakucho, I was having a conversation with him, but you wouldn't know what that is since you're always thinking with your dick." You barked.

"Yeah this dick that you're obsessed with you fucking whore. And yeah I could see the look in your eyes when you were talking to him, all lovesick and desperate for his cock, which probably is like 3 inches might I add."

Your face was heating up at the preposterous words the lavender eyed man was spewing at you. You slapped him with anger and while he was holding his cheek in pain you spun him around and shoved him down on your bed. You crawled on top of him and restrained his arms with your legs.

"Someone seems to be insecure aren't you Haitani? Worried that I'd get hooked on his big fat cock and leave him for you? hm?" Your arms were crossed waiting for his response.

His pale skin was marked red with your handprint.

"Answer me Haitani."

"No why the hell would I be jealous of Kakucho? My penis is bigger than his and he gets no bitches." He criticized.

You wanted to test his limits. "Okay well you got me curious Haitani."

"What?"

You reached over to grab your cellphone from under your pillow, you went to Kakucho's number who you've never talked to and began recording a video.

"Hi Kaku "m sorry for leaving you at the club and I'm sorry for bothering you but you see we have an insecure boy here," you hovered the phone in Ran's cherry red face, "and he was saying how we were flirting tonight you know like we always do," you said sarcastically, "and then he brought up how his dick is bigger than yours, and I just wanted to see if that was true..."

You got off of Ran and noticed the bulge in his slack. "Ha. I'm the slut Ran? You're the one getting off to me recording this and sending it to Kakucho."

"You wouldn't fucking dare y/N." He warned.

You harshly slapped his cock through his layers. "Fuck-" He winced.

"I would Haitani and you know it." You unbuttoned his slacks and unzipped them. His grey Calvin Klein boxers had a wet spot in them. You cupped his heavy balls and squeezed. He sucked in a breath and clenched his jaw with sealed shut eyes. Finally you forcefully pulled down his underwear and low and behold Ran Haitani's 7 inch dick, the very one you had been stuffed to the hilt with numerous times. It was rock hard but because of its sheer girth (3 inches wide) and length it curved to the left. You flicked the tip and his pelvis sprung up wanting more friction. How needy.

"Kakucho if I'm being honest you've always given me big dick vibes and you could probably outdo Ran's, maybe not in girth but that's okay I don't mind."

You turnt over the phone to ensure that the back camera got a full view of your breasts and lower half of your face, with a sultry smile you tweaked your nipples and kneaded the flesh. You breathed softly and shallowly. Ran was looking at you in awe he felt his dick twitching at the site of you playing with yourself.

"Anyways Kaku, I hope you take me up on my offer, I'm getting sick of this Haitani. Goodnight~" You stopped recording and pressed send, hopefully he wouldn't mind the unsolicited dick and tit video...

You threw your phone back under your pillow and turned to Ran, his tip was leaking desperately for any kind of touch but he knew when you got like this he wasn't allowed to touch himself. But he wasn't about to beg for it.

You sighed, "what am I going to do with you Haitani? Hm?" He stayed silent. He was angry that you had sent that video to his fellow colleague and even out on a show for said colleague. He was jealous.

He huffed and was going to get up until you pushed him back down by his chest. "I didn't say you could get up. You wanted to come into my apartment uninvited, and now you'll leave when I tell you to."

You crawled back on top of the red boy and placed your arms on the sides of his head.

"After this Haitani I swear to god that we're done." You slipped off your panties and without warning, sank down on his length. You both gasped, his cock had always been a tight squeeze. Ran was going to place his hands on your hips but you quickly slapped his hands away.

"I didn't say you could fucking touch me, you're just a toy I want to use tonight." You spat. He whimpered. You could be so mean.

You placed your hands flat against his lean chest and began to move back up, your walls were clenching around his cock and Ran loved the feeling of your ribbed walls rubbing on his dick. You slammed down again and you moaned while he hissed. You began to grind back and forth on him to get you to your high not caring if he did.

"Fuck..." He groaned, you were going too slow. He bucked his hips up to find more friction. You stopped. You scowled at him and slapped him again.

"Fuck!" He came.

"You're such a fucking slut Ran, cumming inside me just from slapping you? You barely lasted 5 minutes. You're so fucking pathetic." You spat. You began moving up and down again, he didn't even let you cum yet.

"Fuck! "M still sensitive! Please please please stop."

"Shut the fuck up." You were desperately trying to get an orgasm so you began stimulating your nipples and leaned your chest down in front of Ran's face. "Make yourself useful and suck. And rub my clit." You demanded. Ran did as he was told relieved that you were letting him touch you now. He reached under your bodies and took his thumb to start teasing your clit as he was swirling one of your nipples in his mouth while he pulled at the other. You grabbed onto his hair, grinding on like a bitch in heat, with each roll of your hips Ran's fingers became faster on your clit and he began biting down on your areola, his dick was aching from the over stimulation.

" "M gonna-gonna cum again y/N, fuck you feel so good fuck fuck fuck." He cursed while still slurping on your nipple as if you were to lactate.

You were so close but you couldn't let this bastard get another orgasm while you were still attempting to get your first one. You tugged your breasts away from the man and got off his cock immediately. There was a ring of his cum at the base of his cock and his sperm was oozing out of your hole.

"W-why'd you stop?? I was doing everything you told me to do." He whimpered, his high ripped away from him.

"No you didn't. Did I ever say you could cum? No. You're such a whore who only wants to get his dick wet. You don't even fucking care about my needs." His cum was dripping onto his stomach while you waddled over him on your knees. You untied his braids to let his died hair flow over the comforter. You but the hair ties on your wrist then hovered your bare cunt over his face. Ran knew what you wanted and pulled you down by your hips so you were sitting on his face completely. He began swirling his tongue around your hole, being able to taste his spunk. You needed more, you began grinding on his pretty face, you were groaning, frustrated at his slow pace. Ran noticed your impatience and moved to lap at your clit, at first he was giving it simple kitten licks, seeing how far he could test you. You began whimpering moving your hips harder. Ran slapped your ass rather harshly you yelped in surprise and lifted your hips off of his face, which he then took that as the opportunity to prod two of his fingers into your cunt. He began curling the tips of his fingers inside your cunt to then begin moving them side to side rapidly, while simultaneously moving his hand in and out of your cunt. Once he got a steady pace going he moved his mouth to your clit and latched onto it, as if he was making out with it. The lewd sounds of your pussy overpowering all your senses and the only sound other sound in the room was Ran's mouth. He was licking long strips against your cunt while his hand was leaking with your arousal, still keeping the rapid pace inside your wall.

"Fuck! Ngh— hah— fuck this is all you're good for H- Haitani, make me cum, make me cum, make me cum please please please." You chanted desperately, your hands planted against the wall to keep you from falling.

"I love this fucking pussy y/N..." He was sucking onto your clit, breathing heavily. "It never fails to make me cum so fast, you're so beautiful." He preached.

"Sh-shut up nghhh—ahh-haa." You moaned you were so close. " "M so close Ran please please."

Ran was pleased that the furious formality slipped from your fucked out brain and referred to him by his first name, therefore he thought you were ready for three of his fingers now. Prodding his index finger inside your vagina, the newfound thickness and deepness inside of you made his fingers perfectly hit your g spot once perfectly curling upwards.

"S-SHIT! Ha- nghhh oh my fucking god, oh my god." You came finally letting go, your hands could no longer support you and your body slumped on the bed. Ran was still drinking up your release, he took his fingers out of your cunt, it felt empty now. He was overstimulating you as his mouth latched onto your hymen as his tongue prodded at your vagina to make sure he didn't waste a single drop.

"I fucking love this pussy, I would die in it if I could." He was saying it more to it than you, but your mind was fuzzy and your body felt heavy and his words were muffled.

"S-stop, R-Ran "m sensitive, please, "m gonna cum again." He only hummed in response, the vibrations going to your labias, which made your body jolt up and gasp softly. He was licking at your clit again trying to get another orgasm from you to see you crumble like he always loved to see. His tongue had always been a good attribute of his, despite his jaw almost locking he still kept up with his pace on your bud of nerves. You could feel the knot in your stomach undoing itself, you had a coat of sweat on your hairline, your whole body was hot.

"Fuck..." You breathed softly, "d-don't stop Ran please "m close so close."

"I wasn't planning on stopping pretty." He said under his breath. A few more licks to your clitoris and you came again, with a loud whimper and out of breath. Ran again was taking in everything you gave him, slowly coercing you down from your second high. You slowly got off of him and laid beside him in the bed. You turned to look at him and his chin was glistening with your slick and a relaxed smile was on his face.

"I hate you." Your eyes started welling up with tears, your eyes becoming glossy, you sniffled as you covered your arm over your mouth. Ran turned to look at you and propped himself up on his elbow to look at you better. The tears were now rolling down your cheeks.

"Hey, hey baby what's wrong? Why're you crying?" He asked concerned.

You took in breaths of air trying to say the words without sounding like a complete idiot out of breath. "I-I hate that I'll never be able to let go of you... even after you get sick of me I'll still be in love with you..."

Ran's eyes widened at your sudden confession, he wiped his chin off on his forearm and spoke, "y/N... I'd never get sick of you." His eyebrows furrowed at the very thought. "I've loved you since the first time I got into your car after that night... you're so beautiful and intelligent, I could write essays on how much I love you and why." He rambled.

"Then why haven't you ever asked me out on a proper date? Or asked me to be your partner? You've only shown me your 'love' through materialistic things Ran... how am I supposed to believe you?"

"I'm an asshole, an idiot, a bastard, but I never want you to think that I don't love you y/N. I was afraid you'd say no if I asked, or you'd be weirded out if I showed you how I truly feel and care about you, so gifts were the only way I knew how to show you."

"You should've just had the balls and told me. You shouldn't have had to make me go crazy over you.." You sniffled. Ran opened his arms signalling for you to let him hold you, you shuffled into Ran's warm arms as he gently wrapped them around your bare back. He kissed the top of your head as he threaded your hair through his fingers.

"I'm sorry y/N, but I'm telling you now and I hope you'll still take me..." He whispered onto the top of your scalp.

"I'd always take you Haitani under any circumstances. And I still hate you for that." You giggled drily.

"Come on baby let's have a nice bath yeah?"

You hummed in agreement. Ran got up from the bed pulled down his pants and boxers till he was completely nude like you. He opened his arms again and you stood up on the bed and then wrapped yourself around Ran's body like a koala. He held you up by your thighs and began walking to the washroom. He started running hot water in the tub. While you two were waiting for it to fill up you stayed in his arms in comfortable silence sat on the toilet. You were tired and Ran was exhausted. He turnt off the tap and slowly put you in, the water soothed your sore limbs.

"Come in Ran, want you here with me please." He didn't even hesitate before he was going inside right behind you. You leaned back on his lean chest and sighed, you looked up at him to find that he was already looking down at you, you blushed at how intently he was staring at you. He then kissed your forehead softly. You smiled warmly. You turned around and faced him, he looked surreal, his blond and black hair flowing down his shoulders, as his violet eyes looked at you so tenderly with his infamously lazy smile. You took your hands and placed them on both sides of his cheeks, gently rubbing your thumbs over his cheekbones. You leaned in and pecked his lips lovingly. He pulled you in so your legs were over his waist and placed his index finger under your chin and kissed you again, no tongue, no teeth, just pure love and soft lips against each other's. You pulled away and realized how close his cock was to your cunt, you put your hand under the water and took his penis in your hand, you felt it grow in your hand and you laughed.

"I wanna have your dick in me while we wash each other's hair, can we?" You asked looking up at him with doe eyes.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He agreed. You lifted yourself up from your knees as he held onto your ass, Ran gradually slid you down on his length, you both groaned at the feeling. Once you were full to the hilt with his member you reached behind him and grabbed his preferred shampoo and conditioner. He grinned as you showed him.

"You've been waiting for this haven't you?"

"Maybe..." You cheekily replied.

Ran placed a hand on the middle of your back as he reached over to grab your preferred shampoo. You both smiled at each other as you gave a kiss to each corner of his lips. You both opened the caps of the shampoos and lathered it compassionately in one another's scalps and ends. The whole time you held eye contact in the comfortable stillness of your apartment. After you finished with the shampoo you both cupped the bath water and poured it over the other's head, it was a slow process but neither of you complained. Then came the conditioner, you squirted some into your palm and began putting it into his hair as he liked, he was always very nit-picky about his hair so you memorized his routine and all, you put the conditioner all over his head but the roots of his scalp, and you paid close attention to the ends.

"Wow y/N you know everything about me, since the first time we met you figured me out faster than anyone ever had, even Rindou still has trouble with that, but you... you and I have always just gotten each other..."

"I've always been good at reading people Ran, but you were just one of those people I chose to overanalyze and allow into my life." You rinsed the excess conditioner off your hands under the bubbly water. Ran followed after. You both were ready to rinse off the product. You reached over to unplug the tub and let the used water drain, calmly Ran lifted the both of you up with you still on his cock and turned on the shower. The hot water was cascading over your bodies, you affectionately lathered off the conditioner from the boys two toned hair and then threaded your fingers through it to feel it's softness.

"I'm gonna let you down on your feet again okay doll?" You smiled at the old pet name and nodded. Inch by inch he pulled you off his member and you whines at the feeling of emptiness while he winced. Once you were back on your feet you looked up at him as he took his hands into your hair to rinse off the product. Now all that was left was to wash your bodies properly.

You were back in your room and Ran had changed into some boxers he had left at your place who knows how long ago while you were in one of his casual oversized shirts. Ran got into your warm bed first and welcomed you in as he spooned you, you found your phone under your bed and was fretted with seven messages, four from Kakucho, and three from Rindou, your eyes widened at the realization from earlier but dismissed it as a problem the future you would have to deal with. For now you and Ran basked in each other's presence his arm was wrapped around your waist as you held his hand with his leg over your hips and his head laying on your head.

"So... are we officially dating now y/N?"

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hellomynameisbisexual · 4 years ago

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Here's a shortlist of those who realized that I — a cis woman who'd identified as heterosexual for decades of life — was in fact actually bi, long before I realized it myself recently: my sister, all my friends, my boyfriend, and the TikTok algorithm.

On TikTok, the relationship between user and algorithm is uniquely (even sometimes uncannily) intimate. An app which seemingly contains as many multitudes of life experiences and niche communities as there are people in the world, we all start in the lowest common denominator of TikTok. Straight TikTok (as it's popularly dubbed) initially bombards your For You Page with the silly pet videos and viral teen dances that folks who don't use TikTok like to condescendingly reduce it to.

Quickly, though, TikTok begins reading your soul like some sort of divine digital oracle, prying open layers of your being never before known to your own conscious mind. The more you use it, the more tailored its content becomes to your deepest specificities, to the point where you get stuff that's so relatable that it can feel like a personal attack (in the best way) or (more dangerously) even a harmful trigger from lifelong traumas.

For example: I don't know what dark magic (read: privacy violations) immediately clued TikTok into the fact that I was half-Brazilian, but within days of first using it, Straight TikTok gave way to at first Portuguese-speaking then broader Latin TikTok. Feeling oddly seen (being white-passing and mostly American-raised, my Brazilian identity isn't often validated), I was liberal with the likes, knowing that engagement was the surefire way to go deeper down this identity-affirming corner of the social app.

TikTok made lots of assumptions from there, throwing me right down the boundless, beautiful, and oddest multiplicities of Alt TikTok, a counter to Straight TikTok's milquetoast mainstreamness.

Home to a wide spectrum of marginalized groups, I was giving out likes on my FYP like Oprah, smashing that heart button on every type of video: from TikTokers with disabilities, Black and Indigenous creators, political activists, body-stigma-busting fat women, and every glittering shade of the LGBTQ cornucopia. The faves were genuine, but also a way to support and help offset what I knew about the discriminatory biases in TikTok's algorithm.

My diverse range of likes started to get more specific by the minute, though. I wasn't just on general Black TikTok anymore, but Alt Cottagecore Middle-Class Black Girl TikTok (an actual label one creator gave her page's vibes). Then it was Queer Latina Roller Skating Girl TikTok, Women With Non-Hyperactive ADHD TikTok, and then a double whammy of Women Loving Women (WLW) TikTok alternating between beautiful lesbian couples and baby bisexuals.

Looking back at my history of likes, the transition from queer “ally” to “salivating simp” is almost imperceptible.

There was no one precise "aha" moment. I started getting "put a finger down" challenges that wouldn't reveal what you were putting a finger down for until the end. Then, 9-fingers deep (winkwink), I'd be congratulated for being 100% bisexual. Somewhere along the path of getting served multiple WLW Disney cosplays in a single day and even dom lesbian KinkTok roleplay — or whatever the fuck Bisexual Pirate TikTok is — deductive reasoning kind of spoke for itself.

But I will never forget the one video that was such a heat-seeking missile of a targeted attack that I was moved to finally text it to my group chat of WLW friends with a, "Wait, am I bi?" To which the overwhelming consensus was, "Magic 8 Ball says, 'Highly Likely.'"

Serendipitously posted during Pride Month, the video shows a girl shaking her head at the caption above her head, calling out confused and/or closeted queers who say shit like, "I think everyone is a LITTLE bisexual," to the tune of "Closer" by The Chainsmokers. When the lyrics land on the word "you," she points straight at the screen — at me — her finger and inquisitive look piercing my hopelessly bisexual soul like Cupid's goddamn arrow.

Oh no, the voice inside my head said, I have just been mercilessly perceived.

As someone who had, in fact, done feminist studies at a tiny liberal arts college with a gender gap of about 70 percent women, I'd of course dabbled. I've always been quick to bring up the Kinsey scale, to champion a true spectrum of sexuality, and to even declare (on multiple occasions) that I was, "straight, but would totally fuck that girl!"

Oh no, the voice inside my head returned, I've literally just been using extra words to say I was bi.

After consulting the expertise of my WLW friend group (whose mere existence, in retrospect, also should've clued me in on the flashing neon pink, purple, and blue flag of my raging bisexuality), I ran to my boyfriend to inform him of the "news."

"Yeah, baby, I know. We all know," he said kindly.

"How?!" I demanded.

Well for one, he pointed out, every time we came across a video of a hot girl while scrolling TikTok together, I'd without fail watch the whole way through, often more than once, regardless of content. (Apparently, straight girls do not tend to do this?) For another, I always breathlessly pointed out when we'd pass by a woman I found beautiful, often finding a way to send a compliment her way. ("I'm just a flirt!" I used to rationalize with a hand wave, "Obvs, I'm not actually sexually attracted to them!") Then, I guess, there were the TED Talk-like rants I'd subject him to about the thinly veiled queer relationship in Adventure Time between Princess Bubblegum and Marcelyne the Vampire Queen — which the cowards at Cartoon Network forced creators to keep as subtext!

And, well, when you lay it all out like that...

But my TikTok-fueled bisexual awakening might actually speak less to the omnipotence of the app's algorithm, and more to how heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

Sure, TikTok bombarded me with the thirst traps of my exact type of domineering masc lady queers, who reduced me to a puddle of drool I could no longer deny. But I also recalled a pivotal moment in college when I briefly questioned my heterosexuality, only to have a lesbian friend roll her eyes and chastise me for being one of those straight girls who leads Actual Queer Women on. I figured she must know better. So I never pursued any of my lady crushes in college, which meant I never experimented much sexually, which made me conclude that I couldn't call myself bisexual if I'd never had actual sex with a woman. I also didn't really enjoy lesbian porn much, though the fact that I'd often find myself fixating on the woman during heterosexual porn should've clued me into that probably coming more from how mainstream lesbian porn is designed for straight men.

The ubiquity of heterormativity, even when unwittingly perpetrated by members of the queer community, is such an effective self-sustaining cycle. Aside from being met with queer-gating (something I've since learned bi folks often experience), I had a hard time identifying my attraction to women as genuine attraction, simply because it felt different to how I was attracted to men.

Heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

So much of women's sexuality — of my sexuality — can feel defined by that carnivorous kind of validation you get from men. I met no societal resistance in fully embodying and exploring my desire for men, either (which, to be clear, was and is insatiable slut levels of wanting that peen.) But in retrospect, I wonder how many men I slept with not because I was truly attracted to them, but because I got off on how much they wanted me.

My attraction to women comes with a different texture of eroticism. With women (and bare with a baby bi, here), the attraction feels more shared, more mutual, more tender rather than possessive. It's no less raw or hot or all-consuming, don't get me wrong. But for me at least, it comes more from a place of equality rather than just power play. I love the way women seem to see right through me, to know me, without us really needing to say a word.

I am still, as it turns out, a sexual submissive through-and-through, regardless of what gender my would-be partner is. But, ignorantly and unknowingly, I'd been limiting my concept of who could embody dominant sexual personas to cis men. But when TikTok sent me down that glorious rabbit hole of masc women (who know exactly what they're doing, btw), I realized my attraction was not to men, but a certain type of masculinity. It didn't matter which body or genitalia that presentation came with.

There is something about TikTok that feels particularly suited to these journeys of sexual self-discovery and, in the case of women loving women, I don't think it's just the prescient algorithm. The short-form video format lends itself to lightning bolt-like jolts of soul-bearing nakedness, with the POV camera angles bucking conventions of the male gaze, which entrenches the language of film and TV in heterosexual male desire.

In fairness to me, I'm far from the only one who missed their inner gay for a long time — only to have her pop out like a queer jack-in-the-box throughout a near year-long quarantine that led many of us to join TikTok. There was the baby bi mom, and scores of others who no longer had to publicly perform their heterosexuality during lockdown — only to realize that, hey, maybe I'm not heterosexual at all?

Flooded with video after video affirming my suspicions, reflecting my exact experiences as they happened to others, the change in my sexual identity was so normalized on TikTok that I didn't even feel like I needed to formally "come out." I thought this safe home I'd found to foster my baby bisexuality online would extend into the real world.

But I was in for a rude awakening.

Testing out my bisexuality on other platforms, casually referring to it on Twitter, posting pictures of myself decked out in a rainbow skate outfit (which I bought before realizing I was queer), I received nothing but unquestioning support and validation. Eventually, I realized I should probably let some members of my family know before they learned through one of these posts, though.

Daunted by the idea of trying to tell my Latina Catholic mother and Swiss Army veteran father (who's had a crass running joke about me being a "lesbian" ever since I first declared myself a feminist at age 12), I chose the sibling closest to me. Seeing as how gender studies was one of her majors in college too, I thought it was a shoo-in. I sent an off-handed, joke-y but serious, "btw I'm bi now!" text, believing that's all that would be needed to receive the same nonchalant acceptance I found online.

It was not.

I didn't receive a response for two days. Hurt and panicked by what was potentially my first mild experience of homophobia, I called them out. They responded by insisting we need to have a phone call for such "serious" conversations. As I calmly tried to express my hurt on said call, I was told my text had been enough to make this sibling worry about my mental wellbeing. They said I should be more understanding of why it'd be hard for them to (and I'm paraphrasing) "think you were one way for twenty-eight years" before having to contend with me deciding I was now "something else."

But I wasn't "something else," I tried to explain, voice shaking. I hadn't knowingly been deceiving or hiding this part of me. I'd simply discovered a more appropriate label. But it was like we were speaking different languages. Other family members were more accepting, thankfully. There are many ways I'm exceptionally lucky, my IRL environment as supportive as Baby Bi TikTok. Namely, I'm in a loving relationship with a man who never once mistook any of it as a threat, instead giving me all the space in the world to understand this new facet of my sexuality.

I don't have it all figured out yet. But at least when someone asks if I listen to Girl in Red on social media, I know to answer with a resounding, "Yes," even though I've never listened to a single one of her songs. And for now, that's enough.

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jancys-blue-bayou · 6 years ago

Note

Hi, I just wanted to say that I loved your stuttery Jonathan fic! Do you think we could have a followup fic at some point where it's years later and showing how Jonathan has progressed with Nancy at his side? Maybe even Jonathan asking her to marry him (and some engagement night smut after?) Tysm!

A/N: Thanks for the prompt, it was really fun revisiting this story, I’m so happy people liked it! So here comes 5000 words more on it, though no smut (sorry) because I wanted to keep the rating down.

Also on Ao3 and FFNet (and don’t miss chapter 1 there)!

”Ready for this?” She asks him on the porch to her house.

”Your dad will kill me,” Jonathan deadpans.

”No he won’t. He’d have to go through me first. And mom, frankly. And Holly. Maybe even Mike,” she smiles back.

He’s still nervous around her family, mostly her dad, even though they’ve been together for over a year now. She can’t blame him, really. She thinks of her dad as harmless and to be honest a pretty useless jaded guy with seemingly only a passing interest in his children’s lives. But she gets that his suffocating silence, stony gaze and dry tone puts Jonathan on edge. He’s sure her dad hates him, she herself wouldn’t go that far but it’s hard for her to deny that he at least doesn’t care much for Jonathan. She doesn’t get why, since Jonathan is the best. But then again her dad is the most boring person she knows so maybe it’s natural he doesn’t like the funniest. But to be honest maybe Jonathan’s right in his suspicions that it’s because of his stutter (”he thinks I’m an idiot”) and/or that he’s ”too poor and not good enough for you”.

”Plus, he’ll hear about me being accepted by Columbia first. That’s gotta put even him in a good mood, his eldest being accepted into a great school,” she continues.

”S-sure, but then your mom will ask me and I’ll tell t-them about NYU and then we’ll have to tell them about our plans of l-living together in sin and that’s where I see this going south,” he continues in his slightly sarcastic tone.

”Listen to me,” she begins and puts her hands on either side of his face, drawing him in close. ”Demogorgon. Mind Flayer. My father. We’ve battled well against two, I think we can take the third too.”

That draws a chuckle which is all she wanted. She gives him a kiss before they head inside.

”Oh honey I’m so proud of you!” Her mom positively beams over the dinner table. ”That is wonderful! Congratulations!”

”Thank you,” she smiles.

”Yes, congratulations honey,” her dad says. With… well his voice is at least not completely devoid of emotion for once. ”What happened to Northwestern? Or IU?” He then asks in his ’neutral’ tone which is really not neutral, she knows by now.

”Northwestern was just a backup, Columbia was my first choice. And I didn’t apply to IU,” she calmly explains.

”Hm. Nothing wrong with IU. I went there, you know.”

”I know, I never said there were? I wanted to go to Columbia, and I got in!”

”Yes, that’s great.”

”It is great! So great,” her mom chimes in. ”We’re so proud of you honey.”

”Yeah, congrats I guess,” Mike butts in using his patented I-don’t-really-care-that-much tone.

”Thanks,” she says again.

”Oh Jonathan, how about you then? Heard anything?” Her mom turns to Jonathan with a smile. She grabs his hand under the table for support.

”Oh, y-yes actually. I g-got into NYU,” he answers with a polite smile.

”Oh congratulations! That’s great! Oh Joyce must be so proud, as she should be!”

”She is,” Jonathan smiles.

”So, Tisch?” Mike asks.

”Yeah.”

”Cool. Congrats.”

”T-thanks.”

”Well, congratulations,” her father says, curtly.

”T-thank y-you,” Jonathan politely answers and she gives his hand a comforting squeeze.

”So, New York,” her father continues in a short tone.

”Yes,” she answers. ”We’ll both be in New York, isn’t it great?” She throws out there, gauging the reaction.

”Of course it is,” her mom smiles. Her dad just gives off a grunt.

”We think we’re gonna try and find an apartment together, off-campus. Cheaper, plus we’d just constantly be in each other’s dorm anyway,” she ploughs on now that she’s started. She can feel Jonathan grow more nervous. For real, his knee’s touching her knee and he’s tapping his foot like he does when he’s anxious, she can feel.

”That sounds lovely,” her mom continues to be enthusiastic, which is no surprise. She adores Jonathan. Her dad just grunts in response again but then opens his mouth.

”You know, you shouldn’t pick your college just because of a boy.”

”What? I’m not!” She’s flabbergasted by his take.

”Really? Seems to me there’s a lot colleges you could go to, but you’re set on the one that happens to be in the same city as his.”

”Now, Ted…” her mom admonishes.

”T-that’s n-not h-how it h-happened,” Jonathan says, nervously but right to her dad’s face. His stutter has really become much better in the last year, but it becomes prominent when people make him nervous or anxious.

”I’m going to Columbia because I want to become a journalist and they’re the best at that! Don’t you listen?”

”Hm. Just seems like you’ve already made all these plans together. Hm. Just saying, high school romances are all well and good but they don’t usually last now do they?” Her dad bluntly continues and she’s exasperated.

”W-with all d-due r-respect Mr. Wheeler,” Jonathan starts instead, and ignores all eyes, including her dad’s condescending gaze, falling on him and powers forward. ”T-that’s a p-pretty stupid n-notion.”

”Excuse me?” Her dad challenges and glares at Jonathan.

”N-nance is g-gonna be the b-best j-jou-journalist in the w-world and that’s why she’s g-going to C-columbia. She told you s-so. She d-didn’t pick it for me.”

Her dad scoffs condescendingly at Jonathan’s stutter. She has to hold herself back from going at him for it. It infuriates her. But Jonathan ignores it and just continues.

”A-a-and… I l-love Nancy and t-this,” he gestures between them, ”i-isn’t just a high school th-thing and i-it wouldn’t end just b-because of d-dis-dis-…” he’s heated and gets stuck on the word so she squeezes his hand again and jumps in before her father can with more condescending bullshit.

”Distance, it wouldn’t matter if we went to college in different cities, I love Jonathan and he loves me and that’s what matters and thankfully it just so happens that our dreams happen to match up nicely like this which is great, why can’t you just be happy for us?!”

Her dad has no response to that. She’s had it, she’s done with this. She gets up from the table and Jonathan follows. With his hand clutched in hers she marches out to the hall with him right behind her. They can hear her mom giving her dad some choice words and then come their way. They halt in the doorway.

”Oh you don’t have to leave like this,” her mom pleads.

”Please mom, I just can’t with him tonight,” she pleads in response.

”Oh well. You guys go, enjoy your evening. Ugh, I can’t believe him sometimes. I’ll talk to him. I’m so happy for you, both of you! And I think living together sounds like a great idea!” Her mom responds.

”Thanks,” she says.

”T-thanks. And thanks for d-dinner, it was delicious,” Jonathan adds.

”Oh thank you,” her mom smiles and pulls first Jonathan and then her into hugs.

”Thanks for standing up for me,” she tells him when they’re alone outside, walking in the nice spring evening.

”You’d have done it yourself I just c-couldn’t help myself. Your dad can be a real idiot,” he replies, stutter less noticeable now when it’s just the two of them.

”I know. But anyway, thanks. And screw him, doesn’t matter what he thinks. What matters is this, she tells him and gestures between them like he did earlier.

”Right,” he says and presses a kiss to her temple.

Four years later…

”S-sometimes, people don’t say what they’re r-really thinking.”

Jonathan takes a pause after saying it and looks right at her. She smiles and nods to him. They’ve worked on the speech for weeks. He’s worked on the exhibition for months. The nod means good start and good length on the dramatic pause, continue now.

”Capture the right m-moment, it says more.”

He’s so amazing. So talented, so hardworking. He graduated top of his class from Tisch this spring. He couldn’t decide between artistic or journalistic photography – so the genius built a course-load consisting of both and aced all of it. And now… boy have the two of them both been on a roll these last few months. Especially him. They both graduated this summer. With honors. He’d already been headhunted by this art gallery to do this autumn exhibition even before graduation. And one day in the summer she came home to their apartment to tell him she had applied for a position as junior staff writer at the New York Times. Amazingly, he had smiled his crooked smile and told her he’d just gotten off the phone with one of his old professors who’d encouraged him to apply for the position of junior photographer because the professor could put a good word in. And did. And even more amazingly, they both got the jobs. They’re a team, ready to take the world by storm. Ready to get to the truth of everything.

”Street photography is all about t-the moment.”

They’ve both worked their asses off. Especially Jonathan, using his free time to work on the exhibition. But it’s fun. They’re both doing what they want to do. And they’re together. He’s capturing moments in time. But they’re both in motion.

”I don’t claim to know what p-people are thinking, or saying. I don’t know if anyone of us knows. But I think photographs gives us a chance of working it out.”

Ms. Lacroix who owns the gallery caught sight of Jonathan’s photographs at a Tisch exhibit and it all started there. Now they’re here, opening day. Jonathan came home to the apartment one day in a slight panic because ”Ms. Lacroix wants me to ’say a few words’ at the opening”. All these years later public speaking still terrifies him, even though he’s gotten so much better at it. Even though his stutter overall has gotten extremely better, it’s barely even noticeable anymore when he’s just speaking in normal every day situations. When it’s just the two of them it’s near non-existent because he’s completely at ease with her. It’s mostly noticeable when he’s stressed or anxious. Such as when he’s speaking in front of a group. She managed to calm him down. Pointed out that he’s done this before, that he’ll crush it and that she’ll help him.

”I think these photographs says something about the people in them, about the streets they were taken on, about the city they were taken in. And maybe also about me who took them. I hope t-they say something to you too.”

She told him that less is more really is a good strategy for speeches. She told him it was time to go back to basics, strip everything else away. So they started off with what he told her in the red hue of the Hawkins High darkroom many years ago. And then took it from there.

”Thank you all for coming.”

Nailed it. Short, simple and sweet. Letting his photos speak more. She enthusiastically claps like the rest of the room. Jonathan blushes slightly and humbly bows his head. He can’t wait for the applause to stop so he can get off, she knows and smiles at him. Next to her Will and Joyce stand, just as enthusiastic as she is. Will is at Tisch himself now – though not in the photography department. Joyce came out to visit now for the exhibition. ”I am not missing my eldest first big solo exhibition” as she told them. Joyce is beaming with pride. She’s so proud of her boys. Nancy’s heard from Holly that Joyce has had Jonathan’s photographs and Will’s artworks up by the register at Melvald’s and has been telling anyone and everyone who will listen (or not even that) about ”her Jonathan’s big exhibition at a gallery in New York”. She relayed this information to Jonathan who went completely crimson upon hearing it, while she thinks it’s the sweetest thing ever.

The applause finally peters out as servers steps forth with trays filled with champagne glasses, and Jonathan gets to step down and heads straight towards them.

”You did awesome babe,” she tells him as soon as he’s reached them. ”And congrats again, I’m so proud of you,” she continues and gives him a quick kiss.

”Thanks,” he answers as she naturally tucks herself into his side.

”Honey I’m so so proud of you,” Joyce says and gives him a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.

”You’ve said that f-five times already today,” Jonathan notes through a crooked smile.

”Well I am!” Joyce throws back.

”This is so cool!” Will exclaims. ”All these people came here to see your pictures!”

Jonathan bashfully looks down at the ground instead of up at the packed room full of people now milling around looking at his photographs, his art. She bumps his hip and beams at him when he looks at her. He mirrors her smile.

”Jonathan! Humble boy, that was great!” Ms. Lacroix calls out as she swoops down on them, beckoning a server with her and swiftly passing out champagne glasses to them all before taking one herself. The gallery owner is eccentric, unapologetic and a big fan of Jonathan, which makes Nancy a big fan of her.

”T-thanks, Nancy helped me,” Jonathan answers.

”It was your words! You did awesome, there’s a lot of people here just to see your photos, stop being so modest,” she smiles at him and bumps his hip with hers again.

”Yes, it’s a great turnout!” Ms. Lacroix agrees and looks around the room at the mumbling mess of people wandering around along the walls. ”Compared to other opening nights this is great, good amount of people, good mix of people and hear that sound?” She continues and dramatically pauses. They all listen. They can’t hear anything, just the murmur of the room as people look at Jonathan’s photos, mumbles about them and talks among themselves.

”What? I just hear a lot of noise of people,” Will is the one to say it.

”Yes but it’s a good noise! Trust me, I’m a great judge of these noises. You don’t want it to be too loud – that means people are talking amongst themselves more than looking at the art, but you don’t want it too quiet either, that means people look at it and don’t have anything to say about what they see. This is the perfect level. I can already tell you’re gonna be hit, Jonathan!” Ms. Lacroix explains. Joyce looks even prouder.

”I don’t know,” Jonathan mumbles and looks down at his shoes. ”Feels awkward to be s-standing here while everyone walks around looking at my photos,” he continues. She puts her hand on his back, rubbing it in soothing circles. She gets that feeling. She could only wish to be as Jonathan, but even if she was, she’s not sure she’d be brave enough to display it to the world like this, displaying a part of yourself as the art is.

”Oh that’s normal,” Ms. Lacroix waves it off while reaching out to shake Joyce’s and Will’s hands. ”Louise Lacroix, nice to meet you!”

”Joyce Byers, proud mother,” Joyce beams.

”Will Byers, uh, proud brother,” Will says.

”Will’s an a-artist,” Jonathan quickly says.

”No come on-” Will protests, as modest as his brother.

”Ooh, that’s interesting! Are you based here too?” Ms. Lacroix asks.

”Uh, I guess, I go to Tisch…”

”Ah, you too? It’s a great school. What’s your preferred mode of expression? Do you paint, draw, sculpt, photograph…?”

”Uh, draw… and paint some.”

”Wonderful! Do you-” Ms. Lacroix cuts herself off as she spies someone across the room. ”Excuse me, lovely meeting you all and I’ll see you all later but I just spotted Mr. Francis over there and he’s loaded with cash and a friend of the gallery, I’ve got some schmoozing to do,” she finishes and hurries off in the direction of some old guy in an expensive suit.

Friends and some of Jonathan’s old professors take turns coming up to them to gush about the exhibition. Jonathan is continually flustered by all the praise, he’s so modest and uncomfortable in the spotlight, and it makes his stutter a bit more noticeable. No one else seems to care, or even really notice it but she knows he himself is infuriated by it which just makes him stutter more. So she helps him in the way that’s become second nature to her, to them when carrying conversations when he stutters. She takes some of the load off of him by finishing his sentences when she can tell he’s about to get stuck on a word, she fills in gaps, butts in and adds on to his sentences, to give him time to breathe and collect himself. They’ve found it’s a good way to cope with it. They know each other so well they can finish each other’s sentences all the time, usually she doesn’t because she loves to hear him speak but in situations like this she does, to seamlessly alleviate him without anyone else thinking twice about it, she knows no one bats an eyelash at it, it’s really not surprising to anyone that they are ”one of those couples” as her friend Amanda once said.

Soon as she gets the chance though, when there’s a brief lull in people coming up to talk to them, she leads Jonathan outside, to get some much needed fresh air. They sneak out the back and finally find themselves alone. He leans back against the brick wall and she can tell how he’s instantly relaxed when it’s just them, him and her. That makes her happy, will always make her happy.

”How’s New York’s best photographer doing?” She smiles softly and steps in close in front of him, fiddling with his shirt collar.

”Better now,” he smiles down at her.

”This is a great night,” she tells him.

”I know. It’s just a-awkward to be in there with everyone coming up…”

”I know, I get that.”

”I’m happy mom could come out.”

”Me too. She’s so proud of you.”

”I know.”

”I’m so proud of you,” she tells him again.

”You’ve said that.”

”I know, but I really really am. So proud. You’ve worked so hard, you’ve put your heart and soul into this. And it has turned out amazing, as I knew it would. You’re great Jonathan. You’re so talented, so hardworking and so brave. No, don’t roll your eyes, I’m serious,” she pokes him in the chest. ”You are. And you need to know how unique that is. To be this talented and combine it with your work ethic. There’s lots of talented people, and there’s lots of hardworking people. But it takes both to succeed and you have it both in bunches. And you’re the bravest person I know. You’re brave in every way. Obviously in the going face-to-face with a monster way-”

”You did too,” he interrupts, blushing.

”Don’t interrupt, yes I did but whatever, we’re both brave but this is about you. You’re incredibly brave in that regard. But also in whole other ways too, like this. Displaying your photos, your art, displaying pieces of your soul like this. That’s brave. I sure haven’t done that. And on top of it you face your fears of public speaking and stand in front of the whole crowded room and speak from the heart. I know you don’t like it when I go on like this about you and you always try to turn it around on me but I need you to get that you’re amazing.”

When she’s finished he looks at her for a half-second. Then his lips are pressed against hers, his hands are pulling her in close and then go into her hair. She eagerly responds to the kiss, deepening it before they pull apart. He rests his forehead against hers.

”I love you,” he tells her.

”I love you,” she tells him.

”And fine. We must be an awesome couple then since you’re even more amazing than-”

She silences his him with another kiss.

”Hush, can we call it a tie?” She smiles.

”Fine,” he answers before capturing her lips again.

Six months later…

Jonathan’s been a bit odd lately. It’s nothing major, she can’t quite put her finger on it. When she asks him he says he’s fine. It’s just… he’s been stuttering more around her than he’s done for a long time. As their relationship grew and he grew more confident in it he just became more relaxed around her and stuttered less and less. Because ”You make me comfortable”. He barely stutters at all anymore when it’s just the two of them unless he’s particularly stressed about something. But he says he’s fine. And there’s no reason for him to be particularly stressed now. Sure there’s a lot going on at work but not like it’s worse than last fall. But for the past week he’s been stuttering like he hasn’t done around her since high school really. But then again, maybe it’s nothing. It’s up an down with this stuff, sometimes he has a good day and sometimes a bad day and it’s no big deal. It’s just odd… usually doesn’t last for a week like this.

Maybe it’ll pass. It’s Saturday morning and they both have the whole weekend off, maybe that’s all he needs, to relax, she thinks as she stretches out in bed and rolls over to cuddle into him. Only to find emptiness beside her instead of the nice warm cuddle-bug she expected. Huh, he must already be up, she thinks and listens. Yep, she can hear him in the kitchen. She silently wishes for him to be standing there making pancakes right now. Jonathan and pancakes, that’s all she needs this morning she feels. Yawning, she swings her legs over the edge and rises from the bed. She heads to the bathroom for a shower.

Stepping out of the shower she just throws on panties and one of Jonathan’s t-shirts before venturing into the kitchen, she’ll hear from him if he’s thought of any special plans for today but as far as she’s concerned she’d be content to just basically snuggle up with him on the couch the whole day.

She finds him in front of the stove, more properly dressed in pants and a shirt.

”Yes!” She calls out, startling him a little. He looks up. She points to the frying pan he’s occupied with. ”I was hoping for pancakes,” she smiles. He breathes out and chuckles. ”Hey,” she continues, walking up to him and wrapping her arms around him from behind.

”H-hey,” he responds. She leans up and kisses his cheek. ”S-slept well?”

”Yeah, you?””Yeah,” she answers while setting the table,

He stutters like before, she notes. Odd.

”W-what do you want t-to do today?” He asks.

”I don’t know, what do you know want to do?” She answers while getting juice, maple syrup and jam from the fridge as he’s finishing the last few pancakes.

”I t-thought maybe we could go for a walk, later? I d-don’t feel like going out tonight. I was t-thinking I could c-cook instead?” He nervously suggests as he comes over with the stack of pancakes and sits down opposite her.

”Sounds great, I didn’t feel like going out either. I just want you,” she tells him.

”A-and pancakes,” he smiles.

”True,” she grins and digs in. ”Luckily it’s a package deal.”

They sit and enjoy breakfast, enjoy each other’s company. But his slightly odd behavior keeps gnawing at her.

”Hey, you okay?” She finally asks.

”Y-yeah, why?”

”You sure you’re okay? You seem nervous.”

”N-nervous? Why w-would I be?”

”I don’t know, but you seem like it. You’re stuttering like you just do when you’re stressed now, you haven’t stuttered to me like this since high school. I don’t mind it, I’m just wondering, is everything okay?” She lays out.

”Yeah, a-all good. Are you good?”

”I’m fine! Also you keep tapping your foot like you do when you’re anxious,” she further observes. His foot immediately comes to a halt, she can tell. ”Why are you anxious? It’s just us, you and me. What’s eating you?”

He’s quiet for a second, thinking. Then he breaks into a grin, smiling and shaking his head.

”Damn y-your observation s-skills…”

”Sorry, can’t help it,” she grins back. ”But seriously, what’s up?”

He gets up and starts clearing the table. She remains seated, waiting. She knows he’ll tell her when he’s ready. He takes his time putting the dishes in the sink, pensive, thinking. Then he turns and looks at her. Looks at her with so much love and adoration it puts a big smile on her face. A smile takes form over his features too. He seems to make his mind up. He steps forward.

”N-nance… I love you. I l-love everything about you. H-how brave you are, b-bravest in the world. How s-smart you are. T-the smartest in the world. How k-k-kind you are. How f-funny you are. How b-beautiful you are. I-inside a-and out,” he begins, stopping himself to silently berate himself for stuttering and stumbling, she can tell. His words makes her heart swell. He’s standing in front of her now. She takes one of his hands in hers, rubbing her thumb in gentle circles over the back of it to calm him, let him know it’s okay. She wonders where he’s going with all this. A passing thought that he’s working up to a proposal invades her brain but she quickly shoves it aside. Not think like that. Just listen. ”Y-you’re p-perfect. It a-amazes me that you are t-the bravest, smartest, k-kindest, funniest, most beautiful person in the w-world, all at once. A-and that y-you being that s-still want… m-me.” He stops again and looks her in the eye.

”You are, and I do,” she softly says. He nods and readies himself to continue so she doesn’t say anything else, she doesn’t want to interrupt him. The intrusive thought of where he could be headed returns. Blood rushes to her head and she feels butterflies in her stomach.

”T-that’s amazing to me. You’re amazing. You s-saved Will, saved my mom… saved the whole w-world… I’ve been in l-love with you since we were 16. You make me a b-better person. You make me h-happy, you make me s-stronger, b-braver. You support me. I w-want to always support you, I’ll do anything for you. I c-can’t imagine my l-life without you.” He pauses and lets out a deep breath.

Okay now she’s pretty sure of where he’s heading. She quells her instinct to just shout yes and jump his bones here and now because he’s obviously prepared his words and she knows how hard he must’ve worked on them, always struggling with his confidence in delivering speeches, but together they always get it. But this he’s done alone.

”I w-want to do everything with you. I want t-to always be with you. Seriously you m-make every situation b-better just by b-being there and b-being you. I w-want to see the world with you. I’d say I’d want to g-give you the whole w-world but I know you’d do a better job of t-taking it yourself. B-but I’ll do anything for you. I love you.” He drops to a knee in front of her where she’s still sitting on her chair and from his shirt pocket produces a simple but elegant ring. ”S-so, N-nancy Wheeler would you marry me?”

She can’t help but stare at the ring for a second. Then back to his eyes. He’s looking up at her with an earnest but nervous look. Like he’s somehow incredibly unsure of her answer and anxious for her reply.

”Of course!!” She finally bursts out and throws herself at him, tackling him to the kitchen floor. He somehow manages to catch her without dropping the ring and holds her close on top of him while she grabs his face and plants a big kiss on his lips. He lets out a deep breath she didn’t realize he’d been holding and smiles up at her. She beams down at him.

”Really?” He asks.

”Of course you doofus, what did you think?!”

”I don’t know!”

She plants about nine more kisses all over his face before he halts and moves his hand from her hip to grasp her hand and brings it up between their faces. She holds out her finger and he gently slides the ring on it with his other hand. They both marvel at it for a second. Then she captures his lips again.

”I love you, I love you, I love you,” she repeats to him. ”Everything you said, Jonathan everything… same back to you. You’re the bravest. The smartest, kindest, funniest best person I know and you make everything better and I never want to be apart from you. I love you I love you,” she giddily gets out, so amped to get her thoughts and feelings out after refraining from saying anything before since she didn’t want to interrupt him.

”I love you,” he responds and kisses her again.

She grins down at him, she can’t stop smiling from ear to ear. His change in demeanor is so clear, the nerves, the stutter has disappeared again. So this is what he’s been anxious about all week. Suddenly she’s very aware of something.

”I can’t believe you proposed to me when I wasn’t even wearing pants!” She exclaims. He chuckles.

”Well I wasn’t going to, I was going to do it tonight but then this relentless investigative reporter got me with her astute observations and I couldn’t keep it in any longer!”

”Oops,” she grins. ”I’m glad you did, now that I’m engaged to you I feel like I couldn’t have taken another second being not-engaged to you!”

”Me either,” he grins and pecks her lips again. Before turning serious. ”Sorry it wasn’t… eloquent, I wanted to do it better, but I just got nervous and…”

”Hey, it was great. It was eloquent. It was beautiful. Perfect,” she tells him.

”I don’t know…”

”It’s not how you say it. It’s what you say. But for the record you said it well too. Because it was straight from the heart. I knew.”

”It was.”

”I love you so much,” she tells him. She can’t stop saying it.

”I love you,” he responds. ”We’re still on the floor,” he then notes with a chuckle.

”Oh, right,” she laughs and gets up off of him before giving him a hand to get up. Not just any hand, the hand now adorned with a ring that promises to seal and confirm what she’s known for years now. That she belongs with Jonathan. Forever. ”Hey that walk you you mentioned before,” she continues. ”I don’t really feel like it anymore. I can think of another activity…”

He takes one look at her. With a glimmer in his eye he picks her up and carries her off to their bedroom. She giggles into his neck as she holds on to him. She’s had pancakes. Now Jonathan is all she needs.

#jancy fic #jancy fanfiction #jancy #nancy x jonathan #stranger things fic #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #karen wheeler #ted wheeler #joyce byers #will byers

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