#Technically we all have skeletons

[unashamedly-enthusiastic]

Following on from last months realisation that home stuck (struck?) and undertale are not the same thing

I have just realised that Disco Elysium is a game and not a band with a k-pop style following

I thank my beloved mutuals for this drip feeding of useless information about media I will never consume, love solving little mysteries that I never knew existed

[aroaceleovaldez]

the dynamic of demigods thinking which other demigod is the most powerful is always amusing to me because. like, we know the big 3 kids are all the most powerful. That's just a fact of their universe. And then we know nearly every character views Percy as the strongest demigod, and most people are very rightfully intimidated by him.

and you look at the powers of the Big 3 kids and there's Percy, but then you realize Nico is just kind of objectively more powerful than him but simply chooses to hang out in Percy's shadow like he's Percy's scary dog privileges. Like, the two of them are pretty equally capable of causing multiple different apocalypses. Nico just also has like four different instakill powers and it's not like he doesn't use them. He very much uses them! Not infrequently, even! And they don't seem to take a significant amount of energy from him! And other demigods are pretty intimidated by both of them! But Nico makes a conscious point to keep his cards close to his chest and not let on exactly how dangerous and scary he can be if he wants to. People are already scared enough of him without knowing anything about him and he doesn't like that. Percy doesn't think about that nearly as much, and so usually just goes in guns blazing and that's part of why he's considered a wildcard. And then Nico himself puts Percy on a pedestal, so those who do know more about Nico's abilities then presume Nico knows something they don't about Percy that implies Percy is even stronger than him.

And even on a meta level Nico's narrative role requires him to be functionally more powerful than Percy, because he very often serves the purpose of getting Percy out of situations he can't handle on his own. That's just part of his function as a character! But also narratively he can't overshadow Percy so he just takes a backseat of his own accord and that's very amusing to me.

[youryanderedaddy]

When Life Gives Lemons

tw: female reader, technically non con because of stealthing, baby trapping, breeding, obsessive behavior, reader being a bit rude

You couldn’t believe the irony of your life. You were about to break up with your immature boyfriend, and he still managed to be grossly late to the date, unconsciously digging his own grave deeper. You had put on your best white shirt and the tightest skirt you owned, and you even went through the trouble of booking the latest hipster coffee shop close to the centre. He had been fifteen minutes late, to be exact, and when you brought it up, he simply shrugged a long sleazy smile, dragging his skeleton - shaped metal rings against the edge of the table.

“All in due time, princess.” He took a sip off his coffee - a single shot of espresso with no creamer, as always. “All in due time.” He repeated, reaching in his pocket for a pack of off - brand cigarettes. He really couldn’t afford any of the fancy ones. Once the cigarette was lit, he slowly brought it to his lips and inhaled deeply, letting his head relax against the chair. His thick neck tightened as he swallowed the deadly smoke, and even the sun seemed to avoid his messy dark locks, instead keeping the man in the shadows.

“What does that even mean?” You threw your hands around helplessly, sinking into your chair. “Don’t you want to know?” Axel teased, taking another puff. Although his expression was one of mild amusement, his sharp blue eyes were carefully following your every movement - wondering what will tip you off the most. “You know, you’re so fuckin’ hot when you’re mad, mami.” He smiled in a playful boyish way that once would have made you melt, but now only served as a reminder of his unserious nature.

“Stop playing around. I need to discuss something imp–”

“Shhh, don’t talk, babygirl. I need to show you something.” Axel interrupted, gripping the big guitar closer to his lap. ”I wrote you a song.” His thin fingers grazed the delicate transparent strings, forcing a catchy, although not fully polished melody out of the old thing. He took a deep breath, wetting his lips so the lyrics would come out softer. 

My girl knows how to set me

on flames she goes through 

the motions of the wind she

is a fireball, a fireball, on fire

“What the fuck, Axy.” You pounded your fists at the table, shaking the glasses and spilling coffee all over the wooden surface. You could feel everyone’s judging stare across your back, all of the other patrons were jeering and whispering about the two of you, and your cheeks were heating up by the moment. “I’ve told you countless times to stop writing those shitty songs. They don’t even rhyme, for fuck sake.” You whined, suddenly overwhelmed by helplessness. He was never going to change, was he? “This is exactly why I want to break up.”

The music stopped entirely. His dark sunglasses ended on the ground. 

“You wanna break up?” The musician repeated slowly, suddenly appearing awfully composed - so composed it made you look crazy. After that question he remained silent for a very long time, taking long drags off his cigarette while studying your face for any sign of your true feelings bleeding out. “Real’ funny, babe, real’ fun joke.” He forced a crooked smile, reaching in to squeeze your hand all the way through the table. “Now tell me, what’s wrong with the song? I stayed real’ late to compose it just for our date today.” He winked, which only made you feel worse.

“I am being serious, Axel. Let go of me.” Your tone turned icy and your ex boyfriend quickly released you, eyes filling with raw fear. “Wait, baby, we can talk about–”

“There is nothing to talk about. You’re such a child!” You blurted out, too frustrated to spare energy on fluttery words and sweet apologies. “I want to do my masters soon. You know I’m applying to Metwyorth - I can’t be seen hanging around with a high school dropout who does Saturday gigs for a living.” You continued, pursing your lips together. You knew you were being harsh, cruel even, but this was the only way to push him away. The musician could be awfully clingy, so you needed to be firm.

“A highschool dropout who made you scream your brains out.” Axel responded bitterly through clenched teeth, eyes growing dark with anger. You shook your head bashfully, avoiding his fiery gaze. “Sure, we had our fun,” You gestured vaguely at nothing in particular, trying to hide the shame blossoming on your sides. “But it’s time to wake up. I mean, be realistic. We live in different worlds.” You began to collect your things quickly, standing up to leave.

“Y/N!” He called out to you, causing you to turn back just for a second - you owed him that much for all the good memories you knew you both would have trouble forgetting. “You’re making a mistake. Please, think it through.” The man took a hold of your hand, caressing your fingers gently. “I know I can’t offer you much right now, but I really love you!” His eyes dilated, honest and clear like an untouched sea on a quiet day. 

“Goodbye, Axel.”

***

You meet him sooner that you’d like.

Two weeks later you’re drunk off your mind, dancing the night away with some of your girlfriends when you catch a pair of familiar eyes fluttering across your body from the other side of the room. It makes you feel hot all over - despite what you said back then, you felt each agonising moment of the break up. Even if the logical part of your brain knows you have no future with such a man, your body needs him, craves him. 

Axel keeps staring at you intensely, burning holes through your neck, your thighs, your lips. His yearning gaze lingers, completely miserable, and yet as lustful as the night he first wrapped his arms around you and claimed you as his. He can still feel your nails scratching his back red and bloody, sending shivers down his spine and setting fire in his loins. This staring game of yours lasts for approximately thirty minutes before he gives in and comes over to your table. He doesn’t say anything - doesn’t look at you or greet your friends, doesn’t even pretend to have any reason to approach you. He simply grabs you, swallows an airy pant, and drags you inside the bathroom.

You’re all over each other in no time. His hands are tangled in your hair and your nails are sinking into his warm flesh once again. You can’t breathe for a second, suffocated by a deep, longing kiss that he only spares you of once your lips start to turn blue. He licks your neck and bites at any spot vulnerable enough to steal a gasp out of you - and you return it by sucking on his collarbone until a purple hickey adorns his skin. You swiftly unzip his loose pants and start taking your dress off, but as you try to spread your legs, he turns you around facing the wall. 

“Fuck, I wanna do you from the back, princess.” Axel mumbles, one strong hand gripping your throat as the other gropes your breasts freely. You nod weakly, too turned on to comprehend any of the words he’s saying. “Ngh, wanna be able to pull your hair n’ shit.” His fist wraps around your ponytail, pulling slightly so you expose your neck to his teeth. You can already feel his throbbing manhood prob at your thighs, slowly moving towards your entrance. “Y-you have a condom on, right?” You manage to whimper through the little electric bursts of pleasure running through your whole body as he plays you like an instrument. He mumbles something like “yeah”, and in this state of mind that’s enough for you.

He starts sinking into your heat slowly, letting you adjust to his hard length inch by inch, then once you’ve settled, practically begging him to just give it to you, he begins thrusting painfully slow - really making you feel it going in and out, in and out in a perfect rhythm. Each time his cock brushes against your most sensitive spot, you’re reduced to a slick, desperate mess, but just as your thighs begin to go numb and you slip down, Axel catches both of your wrists and pins them to the wall, keeping you in place. You’re so wet you can hear the slap of skin on skin every time your gummy walls hug his member, but you’re too far gone to care about the nasty sound.

“F-fuck, baby, you’d be so fucking hot as a mother. Have you ever thought about it?” Your ex whispers against you, picking up the pace. You shake your head - kids have never been your priority, since you’re still so young and your education would always come first. “I thought about it. A lot, ‘n fact, when we were separated.” His heartbeat fastens. “Ugh, you’re still so tight, god…” His free hand dances at your hips, ogling and caressing any curve it can find. “When you dumped me, I was completely lost, ya know? Didn’t sober up for three days. But then I dreamt that I knocked you up accidentally. S-shit, did you just tighten up?”

Your whole body stiffens at his words. Your stomach fills with unexplainable dread - this whole conversation is turning you off, but somehow your body seems to have a mind of its own. 

“Q-quit it with the small talk, asshole.” You groan, pushing back so you’d get more friction between your legs. “Just fuck me, okay? I don’t need to hear your weird fantasies.” You hear yourself saying confidently despite the provocative position you’re currently stuck in - you can’t even see his face, but you know he’s probably laughing at your bossy comment. But instead he keeps blabbering on as if you’re not even there. “You were so beautiful, princess. So big and–” He bites his lower lip. “So fucking needy for me - just like now. You were dripping everywhere. You were so excited for our little baby.” He grunted hoarsely, reaching in to stroke your clit - and despite your best efforts, you let out a soft moan. 

“And we were a family - just you, n-ngh, me and the little guy.” Axel utters through clenched teeth, trying to hold out for as long as possible - savouring you in tiny little bites. “No stupid degrees or anythin’, just us two against the world.” He slows down further, now barely moving inside of you. It’s driving you crazy with anticipation - both his story and the way he’s fucking you. “And it made me think, we could really have all that - if it wasn’t for your stupid pride. All I need to do is knock you up. Just think about it.” The man grips your hips roughly, impaling you on his thickness. 

“Your tits will swell, your thighs will thicken; you’ll be so tired you’ll have to lay down all the time. You won’t even be able to touch yourself because of your belly.” He smiles at you gently, although you can’t see it. At this point you’re already so close to climax you can’t break through the cotton cloud haze that’s taken over your mind to truly focus. This is one of the reasons you had to break up with the musician - he could get you cockdrunk with a simple touch, and that vulnerability felt terrifying.

“And I will take care of you through every-” He kisses your cheek. “single–” He kisses you again. “step of the way.” He inhales deeply, thrusting in one final time before he spills inside you. “I love you, baby. I really can’t let you go.”

[keferon]

Inspired by the ask about Ratchets “How to hold a human class”

———————————————————————

“Kid! C’mere!”

Deadlock twitched a finial in Ratchets direction. He wasn’t quite ready to stop sulking contemplating by his spot next to the pond but Deadlock also didn’t want Ratchet to yell at him again.

Actually yell at him.

Deadlock hadn’t meant to piss the medic off, he was actually trying to help in the moment. Ratchet said he needed to get something on the catwalk so Deadlock did the natural thing and grabbed Ratchets arm to put him up there. He’d barely lifted him off the ground when Deadlock felt the shock of pain shoot through Ratchets field a split second before he shouted in pain. He immediately let go which resulted in Ratchet landing hard on his hip.

After which Ratchet flew into one of the most genuinely angry rages he’d ever seen. He’d called Deadlock every variation of “reckless” and “irresponsible” imaginable. Any thought of justifying himself withered under not so much Ratchets scolding, as the faint feeling of pain and concern that bled through the rage like a new layer of paint slapped on before the first layer could dry.

Deadlock retreated into himself and fled the hangar. Flipping endlessly between “I didn’t mean to!” and “That doesn’t matter slaghead!” Through his mind and the night.

It was morning, and Deadlock was determined not to be a coward at the very least. Whatever punishment Ratchet had decided on Deadlock would respect. Even if it was something as spark crushing as “leave and don’t come back.”

Deadlock followed Ratchet, who was favoring his right hip, back to the hangar. Deadlock kneeled and waited for his sentence.

“Okay. We’re gonna go over some ground rules and basic human anatomy so what happened yesterday doesn’t happen again.”

Deadlock’s finials popped straight up. His mouth open to say something but nothing came to fruition.

Ratchet waved his hand through the air, “You didn’t know and you didn’t mean it. We both know it was an accident but if you really want to make it up to me then pay attention.”

Deadlock closed his mouth and nodded quickly.

“Good. Now gimme your hand.”

Deadlock complied, keeping his hand lax as Ratchet manipulated it to wrap it around his arm the same way from yesterday.

“Okay, don’t do anything yet but explain to me why you grabbed me this way.”

Deadlock cycled his optics for a second while he thought.

“Cause your arm is a convenient handle?”

Ratchet breathed out his nose slowly.

“And do normally pick up other mechs that way?”

“Yes?” Sort of. Deadlock didn’t really interact with minicons. Or maybe they just avoided him.

“This makes more sense then.” Ratchet said, swinging his arm and Deadlocks hand slightly.

“Metal can take that kind of torque without easily bending or tearing . Humans are not made of freakin metal kid. We’re a lot of soft tissue wrapped around a hard skeleton. The skeleton is basically a bunch of individual struts held together by soft connective tissue. That tissue is normally pretty strong when it’s pulled the normal way.”

Ratchet leaned slightly in Deadlocks grip, “This. Concentrates all of that weight into a single joint. Now technically, my shoulder can hold my entire weight but not at such a sharp angle to my body.”

Ratchet removed his arm and began to reposition Deadlocks hand to lay flat and palm up.

Ratchet pointed at Deadlock with an accusatory finger. “Rule Number One: Always fucking ask for permission first!”

Ratchet turned and sat on his hand, scooting backwards until his back rested against Drifts thumb. “If you do need to lift a human, best option by far is just holding your hand steady and letting them climb on.”

Deadlock shifted his hand to more comfortably hold the medic. Ratchet was both squishier than he was expecting and more solid. The sensation kind of reminded him of a big warm gel packet. “I think I’m getting the picture. So what should I do if I don’t have time to ask or you can’t answer?”

Ratchet sighed and Deadlock could actually feel him deflate. His face twitched in barely restrained amusement. Ratchets face twitched in the exact opposite of amusement.

“Pick up humans around the center of mass as much as you can. Try not to pick them up by the limbs. Do not ever pick one up by the head or neck.”

Ratchet shuffled in his grip, and maneuvered Deadlocks fingers to wrap around his torso while keeping his arms free. “Now, very slowly. I want you to gently tighten your grip. Stop the second I tell you to. Got it kid?”

Deadlock’s processor glitched for a second. Logically, he understood what Ratchet was teaching him. How and why. But. He’d just hurt him. And not only had Ratchet put himself back into Deadlocks grip of his own volition. Ratchet was specifically putting himself in an even more vulnerable state then almost loosing a limb. Deadlock didn’t even feel a hint of fear in his field. All he could feel was Trust and Patience and Care, as if Deadlock was the one putting his literal life in someone else’s hands.

“Got it Ratch.” His vocalizer came out staticky.

Deadlock closed his grip at a glacial pace, there was much more give than he was expecting so it caught him off guard when Ratchet finally said “Stop.” Deadlock froze.

“This is about how far you can go before it gets uncomfortable.” Deadlock’s processor skipped again, because holy Primus that was almost no effort whatsoever. Good to know how close he came to maiming him yesterday.

“Start again.”

What?

“What?”

“There’s a lot of give between comfortable and painful. I want you to have a frame of reference for both. I’m going to stop you before anything gets damaged kid, trust me.”

Slowly, Deadlock increased his grip again. It took about another minute before Ratchet stopped him again.

He breathed out in a controlled wheeze, Deadlock could feel Ratchets pulse against his palm, only marginally faster then when they started. “And that’s the upper limit. Don’t do this shit unless you need to.”

Deadlock relaxed his grip and Ratchet slipped off his hand.

The medic took a minute to breath and roll his shoulders.

Then, Ratchet laid down on the ground.

“Okay. Final exam. I’m going to pretend to be unconscious and you’re going to pick me up.”

Deadlock actually did start laughing at that point. Starting as silent shaking and then slowly building into not-quite villainous cackling. There was just something so absurd about the situation that all the tension from the preceding day unraveled until Deadlock was also lying on the ground. Vents whining and vocalizer mostly static by the time he started to calm down again.

Ratchet had sat up and was calmly watching him. The only physical tell Deadlock could see was a faint twitch of Ratchets mouth resisting the urge to smile. But Ratchets field radiated Fondness.

“You supposed to make that noise?”

Deadlock reset his vocalizer, “Yeah, it’s just been a long time. Are you ready?” He said rising up on his elbows.

Ratchet flopped down again.

“You’ve got ten minutes and you aren’t allowed to drop me.”

Deadlock grinned like a menace, and wondered if he could talk Ratchet into any extra credit classes.

AHW THIS IS SO LYLHKGKGNH DEADLOCK COMPARING HUMAN BODY TO A GEL PACKET HE LP

[phossiii]

｡𖦹°‧⭑ monsters: chapter one

synopsis: you are introduced as the arkham imported member of the creature commandos. and a certain irradiated skeleton can't seem to catch a hint.

cw: reader is a monster, mature themes, profanity, innuendos, phosphorus is phosphorus, tame chapter

"And I have this question, for all the woke feminists out there..." the man-child on the screen emphasized, turning toward the camera. "Why do only girls get such cool waterfalls?"

Flag cringed, brow raising with disappointment at the infantile argument.

The hell was the world coming to?

"All over the world, our rights as men are being denigrated—"

Having heard enough, Waller cut the feed, eyes slyly gliding over to the general for his response.

"What a bunch of clowns," Flag scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Dangerous clowns," Waller corrected, standing up from her office chair and moving toward the door. "Pokolistan is a friend of the U.S."

"Countries don't have friends."

"After your decades in the military, General Flag, I think you'd understand that true friendship is built on petroleum deposits. Especially un-mined ones in a backward-ass country that's never take advantage of its natural resources."

Leading him out the room, Waller started down the hall, exiting the corporate section of Belle Reve and entering an elevator that lead to the lower levels.

"Princess Ilana Rostovic, the heir apparent to Pokolistan, is already negotiating with the U.S for that oil," she continued, the digital screen showing that they had descended well past the basement. "And if she's overthrown by some nut-job in a witch's hat, all bets are off... We need to help Rostovic."

With a soft, digital ding, the elevator doors opened, revealing a heavily bolted and locked door with the words NON-HUMAN INTERNMENT DIVISION written in bold right above it.

Flag's brow nearly shot through the roof.

"I thought Congress put a stop to all Task Force X facilities since your daughter outed you?" he asked, suspicious.

"Technically, Congress said A.R.G.U.S can't use incarcerated human beings as mission operatives any longer," Waller corrected, typing in the password on the keypad before leaning in for the retina scan. "But what about beings that aren't human?"

"Huh?"

Entering the control room, the general was met by a multitude of screens and officers, along with a five-foot thick, Plexiglas window peering into the common area.

Warily, he approached it, and what he saw on the other side forced his eyes wide.

"What in the holy hell?"

Beyond the bolts, locks, and iron walls sat five different... creatures, each one more odd-looking than the last.

"This is Bell Reve Non-Human Internment Division," Waller introduced in a monotone. "For over fifty years, only those at the uppermost levels of security clearance are aware of its existence. By using these prisoners, I think we can arguably circumvent our new restrictions."

"Arguably?" Flag scoffed. "How?"

"Congress said we can't use human prisoners. These assholes aren't human."

"She's not a human?" he asked, nodding to the large, stitched up woman leaning against the wall.

"Is a corpse human?"

"Who is she?"

"We don't know," Waller shrugged. "We call her The Bride."

Nodding, the general turned his attention to the skeleton playing Jenga.

"Who's Jason and the Argonauts?"

"A sociopath who calls himself Dr. Phosphorus," she confirmed. "He has irradiated skin he can use to burn through people and objects."

"Well, how does that radiation affect the people around him?" Flag asked, concerned.

"If you don't sleep in the same room with him, the effects should be minimal."

"Minimal?"

"Consider it a free vasectomy."

Just then, the mutant-dog-thing sitting at the center of the room began to cough, violently, hacking up what looked to be leftovers of the day's lunch before licking it right back up.

"What is that thing?" Flag asked, disgusted.

"The Weasel," Waller answered. "It's one of the few soldiers still alive from Project Starfish in Corto Maltese. So we know it has what it takes to survive."

At the comment, he hushed up, looking off to the side with guilt.

"Sorry... I didn't mean to intimate about your son, Flag. When he died in Corto Maltese, he died a hero."

"That one looks like a discontinued dishwasher," he quickly changed the subject, pointing to the metal man sitting across from Dr. Phosphorus.

"That dishwasher killed over three-hundred Nazis in World War II. I would've dismantled it, but I thought it might come in use some day," Waller nodded. "It's known as G.I Robot."

Turning her head, her eyes trained on the meek girl sitting in the corner, who looked like both a woman and a fish.

"Next one is Nina Mazursky."

"What use is she walking around in a fishbowl?"

"Get her in water it's a different story," she answered. "She's the smartest and most reasonable of the bunch. She might be able to help you keep the rest of them in line."

Wearily, she let out a sigh, turning to one of the officers and sharing a knowing nod.

"Especially with the last one."

Raising a brow, Flag glanced back through the glass, confirming that he had been briefed on all the prisoners.

All the ones present, at least...

"There's more?" he asked.

"Imported fresh from Arkham Asylum," Waller nodded, typing in another passcode on the control panel in front of her before the door let out a resounding, harsh blare. "She passed the psych eval, though Batman was vehemently against her release."

Flag watched carefully as the doors slowly opened, two officers emerging from the shadows and revealing you, bound and gagged by a straight-jacket and bite restraint muzzle.

Instantly, his eyes shot wide, and he took an instinctual step back, disbelieving of the sight before him.

"Is that a...?  She's a living, breathing—"

"Demon, for all intents an purposes," Waller finished, unbothered. "The product of a satanic sacrifice gone wrong. (y/n) (l/n) was born with the devil get-up, and an affinity for fire magic."

Below, sat you with long, (h/c) hair, bright red skin, equally bright horns, a pointed tail, and sharp, slitted, yellow eyes. 

"I figured since we're up against a witch, why not fight sorcery with sorcery."

They forced you to sit on a dolly, feet chained to its surface, clasped so tight that it rendered you unable to move or struggle.

As if there wasn't a grenade in your brain-stem preventing you from going anywhere.

'Bastards...'

Lifting your head, you surveyed the area, taking note of each face within the freak show.

A Frankenstein rip-off...

A walking beam of cancer...

A man-dog...

A scrap heap...

And the Introvert from the Black Lagoon...

'Woulda done numbers in solitary.'

As Amanda Waller and General Rick Flag surfaced from behind you, Frankenstein, Cancer, and Man-Dog of the Ghoul Gang charged forward, launching an attack.

An attack... that was quickly thwarted with a good shock to the brain.

With loud shouts of pain, all of them, including you, stopped dead in your tracks, dropping to the ground in an instant.

Though, just as quick as it came, it left, by an act of somewhat mercy from your warden.

"This is your new task force, Flag," Waller stated, tossing him the detonation switch. "Let's call it... Task Force M. M for Monster."

"You bitch..." you growled, weakly lifting your head. "I wanna talk to the Bat... This was not part of the agreement..."

"I'm afraid Batman had no say in the matter," she stated, still completely unbothered. "You want back into your padded cell? You get this job done."

Sharply, she lifted your chin, your fiery eyes meeting hers, cold and unfeeling.

"Do I make myself clear?"

"So... you're really a—"

"Yes."

"Does that mean there's a—"

"Yes."

"Does that mean you've seen—"

"No."

"Did your mother... y'know... with a—"

"Are you fucking stupid?"

You turned to him sharply, brows furrowed and eyes blazing with annoyance and fury.

He had been at this since the goddamn helicopter took off...

"Whoa, there, doll face," Phosphorus raised his hands in defense. "Don't shoot the messenger. I'm just sayin' what we're all thinking."

Though, that was only half of it.

In actuality, Phosphorus hadn't been able to rid his thoughts of you since the COs rolled you into the facility.

He had never seen anyone like you before—devil-like, dripping in both beauty and danger—never felt so entranced, intrigued, or turned on, either.

Emphasis on the turn-on part.

Your battle-wear was a zip-up, black leather jumpsuit with the pant legs torn off, paired with finger-less gloves and thigh-high, multiple buckle boots.

The zipper perfectly exposed your cleavage, making your chest look large and perky while the shorts put your legs on delectable display, outlining the very grab-able flesh of your thighs.

That, along with your black aviators and the cigarette hanging out the corner of your mouth, made you something out of his best worst nightmare.

And someone he wanted to get to know significantly better.

"Keep it to yourself," you spat, sizing him up. "I'd rather listen to a stuck goat."

"'Cause of sacrifices or...?"

"Say one more word, cancer stick, I swear to God—"

"Can you even really do that? Y'know, 'cause of the whole demon thing..."

"Fucking moron!" you growled, igniting your fist with fire before sending a punch straight for his face.

"Hey! Knock it off!" Flag barked, forcing you to stop mid-way, the whole squad turning to him with slight surprise. "I know you all aren't exactly enthusiastic about this mission. But—"

With a roll of her eyes, Bride let out a groan, already checking herself out of the conversation.

"General, I believe you've read us wrong," Phosphorus corrected, acting as if your flaming hand wasn't inches away from his face. "We're delighted to be here, and delighted to serve our country."

"Okay... uh, great."

As the irradiated skeleton faced forward, you dropped your fist, sharing a confused look with the Bride.

"Are you smiling?" you asked him, raising a brow.

"Yes."

"Sarcastically?" she added.

"Mmm-hmm."

You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest and leaning back in your seat, allowing your eyes to drift over to the man-dog.

He was harshly gnawing at his restraints, letting out whimpering noises of fear

"G.I Robot is detecting unease. Could he be, G.I Robot asks, in fear of being discovered as Nazi scum?" the scrap heap stated, retracting his hand and replacing it with a gun.

"No," Flag assured, pushing away the weapon. "Put your arm... Put your gun down. He's not a Nazi."

"Child killer, though," Phosphorus shook his head. "Not a great look."

"Supposedly, he had a bad experience the last trip he took on this Osprey, that's all."

Glancing out the window, the Bride's eyes widened slightly, before she turned to the general.

"Are we in goddamn Pokolistan?" her brows furrowed, arms crossed over her chest.

"You've been here before?" Nina asked with a smile.

Bride rolled her eyes with a sigh, leaning back in her seat, "Fucking hell..."

"So..." Phosphorus started up again as he turned to you, thankful his skeleton-ness hid his shit-eating grin. "Is everything red... or just what I'm looking at right now?"

SMACK!

"Ow!" he played off, his grin growing even wider as he rubbed his cheek.

Adorably, you turned away, flipping him off as your one leg crossed over the other.

Now he was really intrigued (and turned on).

You were feisty.

He liked that.

He liked that a lot.

[mediumgayitalian]

Nico really fucking hates capture the flag.

Well, not always. Last week was fun. Last week was the annual Everyone Against The Stolls (to atone for their crimes), and Nico got to chase Connor around at top speeds, cackling, committing his shrieking and begs for mercy to memory. That was nice. That almost made him forgive the fucker for digging a trench under Nico’s unwelcome mat for him to fall into at seven thirty in the godsdamn morning.

But tonight’s game is boring.

He’s been standing, alone, at the base of the flag for the past forty bajillion hours. He’d raised a few dozens skeletons to spar with at first, since animating them to fight himself isn’t technically against the rules, but that got dull fast. (It isn’t much fun sparring with a partner who doesn’t have a brain. He already has to do that enough with Percy when he comes to visit camp.) He’d climbed the various trees around the clearing, or at least he tried until he got reamed by the dryads for climbing on a manner that was too annoying (?), and tried his hands at a few summoning spells. Nothing held his interest long.

And now he’s just standing, doing nothing, and he’s not allowed to leave. He has to stay in this stupid spot on the off chance that someone comes stumbling over to fight him for the flag.

“You’re our best swordsman, she said,” he says mockingly, beaming the nastiest vibes he can manage in Piper’s vague direction. “We need you on our defensive line, she said. Nyeh nyeh nyeh.”

His checks his watch. He groans. He looks critically over the grass, looking for a softer patch, and when he locates it he throws himself dramatically upon it, groaning louder.

“This sucks!” he yells, to no one.

“Will you shut up!” shouts back the dryad he pissed off earlier. “For the love of photosynthesis! Fuck!”

He bites his tongue hard to hold back laughter. (If he can avoid getting his entire cabin overgrown with prickle bushes again, that’d be great.) “Sorry,” he calls, trying with everything he has to sound contrite. Convincing his father to fight the Titan War was easier, actually. Acting is not his calling.

“Hmph!”

At least listening to see if she’ll come out and yell at him again provides something to ease his boredom. Yes, he’s going to regret bothering her, but in his defense, solo guarding is cruel and unusual punishment. He’d rather sit by an outlet with a fork and see if he can poke and let go fast enough to avoid dying. That at least would be interesting.

A rustling of leaves recaptures his attention, and he pauses.

“Holly?”

When no one answers, which is odd because she’s taken every opportunity in the last hour to either insult him or pelt him with stones, he lifts his head.

“You’re not going to scare me, dude. I had my fear glands surgically removed to become a better soldier.”

Not true. Obviously. But a fun bonus of being the camp weirdo is that no one doubts anything he says. He’s working on convincing everyone younger than him that he needs weekly tributes of chocolate delivered to his door every Friday or the dead are going to take over the world. So far, it’s working.

“Look, Holly, I’m sorry about the zombie, okay, I promise it didn’t mean to sneeze part of its brain on you —”

The rustling sounds again, only this time Nico can see that it’s not Holly’s tree, and in fact she is nowhere to be found. Alarmed, he jumps to his feet, shifting so he’s balanced on the balls of his feet, poised to attack. Is Piper’s plan failing? Has someone actually managed to make it all the way over here without getting (gently, probably, although they lost the last game and Piper gets cranky without dessert) maimed?

The rustling sounds for a third time. This time, an armoured someone stumbles out of the underbrush, tripping over their own foot and nearly landing flat on their face.

Nico has his sword at their throat in a millisecond.

“Wo-oah, Morbius. That’s probably my least favourite sword you could stab in me.”

Nico goes bright red. “I have never wanted to stab you more than right this second.”

Will, chest plate skewed to the right, quiver completely empty, and black paint smeared under his eyes, snickers. He puts a finger on the tip of Nico’s sword and pushes it away from his neck.

“The opportunity was right there, babe. I couldn’t not.”

“You really, really could. In fact at all times, you should remember these words of wisdom: shut up.”

“…Damn. Inspiring.”

Nico rolls his eyes, but the effect is somewhat lessened by the smile on his face and the obvious pleasure in his expression. He’s even feeling merciful enough to accept Will’s kiss, although his sword keeps a good amount of distance between them. (Will’s on the blue team, after all. It would be unprofessional to be fraternizing with the enemy.

…Well, too much, anyway.)

“What’re you doing here? You’re supposed to be with the other archers, sitting in trees and causing havoc.”

Will shrugs, grinning lazily. “I quit. This game is senselessly violent and I’m Against It On Principle. I’m a pacifist, you know.”

“Uh huh.” Nico raises an eyebrow. “I assume this doesn’t count you choking Cecil out in a headlock, this morning.”

Will opens his mouth. Nothing comes out. He closes it again.

“Cecil is my mortal enemy,” he grudges after a moment. “He doesn’t count.”

“‘Course not. Not like you cried for two hours when he went to visit his mom last weekend or anything.”

“Will you — stop saying I cried. I barely teared up, okay. Barely.”

Nico can’t quite force down the stupid grin that pulls across his face, matching Will’s, nor can he resist grabbing the leather straps of his boyfriend’s armour and hauling him close.

“You better not be here to distract me,” he mumbles, leaning close and pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw, the corner of his mouth. Will hums, settling his hands on Nico’s hips.

“Nope. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“Drama queen.”

“Excuse — I am the least dramatic, I’ll have you know. I’m a pinnacle of solemnity. I am a shining beacon of stoicism. I am — mmfh,” He trails off. “Okay, doing this now, mhm.”

Nico smiles triumphantly into the kiss. Will, he has found, is very easy to shut up, despite his long-running nickname of Motormouth. It’s almost like he has an off button that can be accessed only by Nico sticking his tongue in his mouth. Nico is doing his civic duty, honestly. He should be compensated for his service.

(‘Course, doesn’t hurt that Will smells, like, really good, all the time, and his lips are soft as hell and he is actually quite the kisser, in fact. That is definitely a fun bonus.)

He smooths his hands over Will’s shoulders, travelling up the sides of his neck and settling in his hair. Will keens, slightly, when he wraps a finger around a frizzy golden curl and tugs, slightly, when he scratches his nails along his scalp. The rush of power at the feeling makes Nico dizzy, and his sword clatters to the ground as he busies himself with more interesting — and important — things.

Like pulling more of those sounds from his boyfriend’s throat. Or making his knees buckle, again, like he did the other night — gods, that was good, it made Will flush scarlet and Nico feel like he was fuckin’ floating, to have Will so needy and touchy and totally at his mercy —

“Free line to the flag! Go go go go!”

Nico startles, whirling towards the sudden cacophony of noises. To his horror, what looks like half the camp, helmets shining with plumes of blue, comes pouring into the clearing, weapons raised, voices mixing in one long, victorious shout. He lunges for his sword, but before he can grab it, two strong arms tighten around his torso, pinning his hands to his side.

Immediately, he knows he’s been set up.

“Oh, you — fucker!”

He feels the curve of Will’s grin against his neck. “First shower privileges for a whole month, baby.” He noses along his jaw, pressing an apologetic kiss to his cheek. “Couldn’t resist.”

Nico struggles, aghast, watching the once-red flag shimmer in Lou Ellen's hold to a bright, shining blue. “I am breaking up with you, you traitor, you Iago, you vixen — ”

Will snorts. He ducks down and pecks Nico on the lips, again, and again, and then shifts to his cheeks, the bridge of his nose, his temples, his forehead, and all over his face, making louder and louder mwah sounds until Nico is laughing, punching his shoulder and shoving him away.

“Okay! Okay. Let me go, you villainous toad. We will discuss how much you’ll have to grovel for my forgiveness after Piper finishes yelling at me for getting distracted.”

Will presses one last kiss to his nose, smiling cheekily before stepping away, heading towards his boasting team. “Enjoy that lecture! Love you!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Nico rolls his eyes, resting his aching cheek in his hand. “Love you too, asshole.”

[coyotelip]

jegulus microfic: museum || modern au || @into-the-jeggyverse || wc: 390

James' first date with Regulus is ruined.

Okay, so maybe it's not technically a date, and it's not ruined at all, because it's a school trip with his class to the local museum to see some ancient artifacts for their history project, but James doesn't really care. No matter how much of a fan of cool ancient weapons, armor, or skeletons he is, all his thoughts are now focused on the warm hand of Regulus in his palm.

It had only been a week since Reg had unexpectedly responded positively to James' proposal to date, and that whole week had been like in the clouds for James. He thought a lot, too much, and went over every detail of their first, second, and fifth date. He planned to kiss him on the fourth and ask him to dance on the fifth. And this trip to the museum ruined all of his plans, but not that James had time to worry about it.

Because all his thoughts were focused only on Regulus' warm hand in his palm. The hand that squeezed his fingers from time to time to get his attention, to make James turn to face him and exchange smiles. The hand that suddenly squeezed his palms harder in the passage between the halls and pulled him away. James gave in, not understanding, but following his boyfriend.

Boyfriend, who dragged him to the darkest corner between the door to the technical rooms and a large stone statue and pushed him against the wall. James didn't have time to recover and ask what was happening when he felt soft lips on top of his own.

He hadn't closed his eyes in time, so he remained frozen in place, looking at Regulus' long eyelashes fluttering slightly on his closed eyelids and feeling the boy's lips move slightly on his own.

The kiss didn't last long, James wasn't even given time to recover and begin to respond when Regulus pulled away, taking a step back.

“I thought I'd be another museum piece before you decided to kiss me.”

James buried his free hand in his hair, searching for an answer, but not finding one before Regulus pulled him back toward the light.

“Quick, before we get lost.”

James thought it was too late because he had already lost himself in that boy.

[mosneakers]

Reaper's Wardrobe Collection- Information Packet 📝

I didn't want to bloat the original post up with all of this(it's a lot) and it took way longer than I expected! Sorry I've been so strapped for time recently, balancing life (and ironically—death, unfortunately) but I've finally found some time to include some additional information about the newly released (December- Friday the 13th!!) Reaper's Wardrobe Collection, which by the way, you've all been SO sweet and kind and receptive to, thank you eternally 🥺💗 Below is some additional information if you're interested, just because one, I'm a certified yapper, but also I like to include that with my cc when I can <3 Please, if you use these items for your sims, TAG ME!! I would seriously be so happy to see how you use them 😍

Lamplight Dress (+Glowy Version) and Final Layer Accessory Lingerie

A sensual little number that will draw them in like a moth to the lamplight. This versatile dress comes in a variety of swatches, including even sheerer options for when you really want to turn up the warmth. You can pair it with the Final Layer Lingerie—a maxis match accessory lingerie set found in the glove category—or any other accessory underwear to layer and customize your look.

Lamplight Dress: 44 Swatches Final Layer Lingerie: 26 Swatches

And for those special sims who are the light of your life, or maybe just get lost often, try the bonus glowy version that actually glows up!

Both dresses are standalone, so neither rely on the other to work. You can freely have both in your game at the same time or just one, whichever you prefer.

Lamplight Dress-Glowy Version: 11 Swatches

Deathflower Pendant

Yes, it's the one and only deathflower, now wearable! Meshing this as a beginner almost sent me over to the other side, but I'm happy to say that with the help and support of my lovely husband, I got through it. Which I'm grateful for, because I needed this in my game. Available for ages kids and up, and comes in 9 swatches.

Death Grip Ear Cuff/Eternal Whispers Earrings

Embrace the whispers of the beyond with the Death Grip Ear Cuff and Eternal Whispers Earrings. This one can be a little finicky. So because of how the UV_1 maps work, there doesn't seem to be a reasonable way to make the ear cuff move along with the ear slider, at least that I'm aware of. So the best we can do is to remove the ear cuff entirely or shape your sims ear to work with the cuff. I know, not ideal, sorry :( It was created with ear preset 1 in mind, but you might be able to mold your own ears with some sliding around.

The set is designed to be worn either together, or separated. The cuff (a metal skeleton hand) can technically be worn with other earrings, but due to texture constraints, most textures conflict. Although not all results look bad so definitely feel free to play around and make some happy mistakes!

Whimsical Wings Knit Sweater

A little flutter of quaint, a little flutter of spooky— What started out as an attempt to convert the Life and Death one for toddlers into a kids version, but ended up basically recreating it. However, there are a few more cute swatches special for kids that fit the theme. 16 swatches in total.

First Grimpressions Zip Up Onesie

For the little reapers in training— This cozy zip up onesie is perfect for jammies, costumes, or playtime, and is available for both toddlers and children. Although children get a few extra bonus dingy social bunny swatches reminiscent of the social bunny from ts2. The rest are reaper and "freezer-boney" themed.

Grimborn Onesie

My pride and joy :’) this is one of the first ones I started working on, a little hooded onesie subtly shaped like death himself. Many of the swatches feature an embroidered crow with the daintiest little heart, but throughout the rest of the 8 swatches you'll also find little wings, a skull, and and a freezer-boney.

Reaper Sleepers

How could your days ever be grim when you have these adorable little reapers bouncing around with you each step you take? These were what started this whole project, honestly. I was making a few things for Norvis, and obviously he needed a pair of house slippers, being a middle-aged son of the Grim Reaper, obviously. That's when I decided it might be fun to not only share them, but make this into a whole collection— then it snowballed from there. They're not the most perfectly meshed items, but I think that gives them some character ^̮^

Robes Of Respite

Just the Life and Death Employee Reaper Robes, but with no hood, because sometimes we all need a breather. I did tighten the rope around the waist a bit so your sims can show off that figure when they're reaping someone's soul and dragging them away to the unknown. I also enhanced the textures a bit and added a bonus dark swatch. One for Male frames and one Female.

Prep Me Pumps

Just a cute pair of soft goth pumps to make a statement, complete with the most darling little bow placed right under your achilles heel so you can prepped for anything, anytime. 13 swatches in total.

Spirit Sprinter Athleisure Set

Even though all 4 of these cozy swatches are adorned with a zip up ribbon corset, there's no need to sacrifice your comfort to look snatched. Whether you're bumming out at home handing candy out to trick-or treaters, or training hard to be the best reaper the company has ever seen, this outfit has you covered.

Reaper Scythe Accessory

This is just the regular Reaper's Scythe from the game, made into an accessory by leo_morg on MTS. Link here They don't seem to be active anymore or have a TOU. It is just an EA item from the game but I wanted to properly cover my bases when it comes to crediting, since they were the ones who did most of the work. I just made some edits to the mesh and textures. At first I was just using it for screenshots and previews but since its a fine piece of cc I figured someone might find it useful so why let it go to waste?

Eclipse Cloak-Illuminated, Eclipse Cloak-Veiled, and Halfway Hair

For the adventurous souls daring enough to tread that liminal bridge between the afterlife and the mortal world, shroud yourself in mystery with these deluxe reapers cloaks- This is the first hair I've ever created with the sole purpose of making it specifically for a hat, although I'm happy with how it looks with no hood too! As for the cloaks, I just wanted some separated dramatic cloaks/hoods for storytelling, both a version that is up, and down. Goes in the hat category. They're a lot of material in a small space so the textures aren't the the most beautiful up close—but at the very least they're not going to conflict with pretty much any clothing (unless that clothing item doesn't obey the allotted space, of course) The veiled version is kinda neat because it functions/chops as a hat, so it works with a select handful of hairs. The hair has your standard 24 EA swatches, and the cloaks have 8 matching swatches.

Morgue Moth Vintage Romper

If you're one of my readers, you may have noticed that I occasionally like to use moth motifs from time to time. They go hand in hand with the death theme and they're also just really pretty ♥‿♥ You'll see them a lot throughout this project, and this item is no exception. I especially love this romper because it's super versatile— all 11 moth adorned swatches make for an easy go-to outfit for those hot days, but also work as adorable pajamas or vintage swimwear, and have that whimsical-macabre twist that is so mothsneakers ✨

Plaid To The Bone Shirt

11 swatches featuring a grungy patchwork of button down flannels stitched together, layered with a haphazardly placed tee with grim but colorful graphics for that effortlessly unkempt look. Wanted to make sure we got something for the men too, but of course our girls can throw it on as well, if they want!

Cadaver-demia Coat Set

Fight the biting chill of the morgue freezers, or stay warm on your haunting moonlit walks in the cemetery, and look hot doing it! Lately this has been my irl go to look when I want to look put-together but don't want to think too much about what to wear. simply mini-skirt+shirt+coat, pair it with your favorite tights and boots and you're good to go 😊 Keeping that same kind of idea with this piece, I really love full-body outfits so I don't have to think too much about putting an outfit together, I always feel like the cc-world needs more full-body outfits (that aren't just dresses, but complete looks you feel me?) I digress, this set has 8 swatches.

Thanatolo-dress Outfit

Give off Thanatologist's day off vibes in this studious casual full-body set. 18 swatches; featuring a fitted turtleneck sweater, (some with grim graphics, some plain) layered under a cropped plaid button down top, and paired with a high-waisted corduroy mini skirt.

Once again, huge thank you to every single one of you who have reblogged and shared, or had such kind things to say about this collection. It's been so much fun to make, and I'm so glad y'all encourage my outlet and more importantly, that you're encouraging ALWAYS FREE CC 🥰 because there is no space for greed in this community let's just have fun ok? Please enjoy, please tag me if you use it (because I'm dying to what you do with it) and you can find the collection here 🖤

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 273

You know what? We need more Good parents Fentons. 

And you know what else? Technically, Jack helped Danny defeat Pariah via the use of the Ecto-Skeleton. And like, that’s his son, his baby boy. Sure Danny is and has always been a mommy’s boy, but it doesn’t change that fact. They’re both already feeling horrible about the fact they could have hurt him, they could have hurt their son- they have hurt their son, killed him with their inaction and never again. 

So when these oversized jello-eyeballs try to insist that their baby, their precious baby boy, take a crown? Become a king when he’s not even out of highschool, when he doesn’t want it? No. Hell no! That is his Danny-o, his baby boy who was terrified of his own parents! 

Which is how Jack, despite technically still being alive even if so-very ecto-contaminated, became the Ghost King. 

And for some reason there’s several ghosts rather happy about this- oh, these are his Danny-O’s ghost-parents? Not-ghost parents seeing as some of them have never been anything but a realm denizen? That’s really fascinating- y’know what, want some fudge and we can exchange childcare- Maddie dear come over and meet our co-parents apparently!  

Now it’s not all easy, but they’re trying their best, and that’s all that can be asked. 

…

Which is perhaps why it’s so exasperating- or as Maddie would put it, downright infuriating- that it is now, almost an entire year and a half later that the Heroes finally arrive to investigate. Well, at least he has plenty of fudge since it’s almost time for the council meeting. 

[dmwrites]

Cleo was tired. The first few weeks on a new server always were. They were back at their starter base after a long walk to find some mangrove trees. Their starter base wasn’t much yet, but they could appreciate its simplicity as they collapsed on the only chair they owned. As soon as their butt hit the chair, though, there was a knocking sound on her front door.

“Hey, Cleo? Sorry to bother you so late.” Joe could be heard over his knocks.

Cleo stumped over to the door and opened it. “Joe, I- oh no, what happened?”

Joe looked up at them sadly, holding stuffing in his hands. He had a few arrows sticking out of his blue skin, and a slash in his stomach, where the stuffing was leaking from.

“I was caving, and I may have run into a skeleton spawner… and a stalagmite.” Joe replied sadly. “But with this new puppet body, I don’t know how to heal myself.”

“Oh Joe.” Cleo chuckled in sympathy. “I think you and I need to stop hanging out- we’re too alike.”

“What do you mean?” Joe asked, still clearly upset.

“You need stitches like I do to my own skin. Come in, I’ll show you how to do it.”

Cleo had the puppet of a man sit on the only chair, still cradling his stuffing, and went to get her scissors and industrial-grade string.

“Right, arrows out first.” Cleo told him, setting down her equipment. “You just hold onto that stuffing… wait, would those be your organs, technically?”

Joe looked down at the white fluff. “I guess so, yeah.”

“That’s so gross, I love it.” Cleo said, and reached for an arrow lodged in Joe’s shoulder. “Okay, ready? I’m gonna pull it out in three, two, one.” they tugged the arrow out, and looked for any signs of distress on Joe’s face.

“Oh, that didn’t hurt at all!” Joe said, a little more cheerfully. “Now that I’m thinking about it, none of my wounds hurt, it’s just the emotional part that got me.”

“You make being a puppet sound more and more appealing.” Cleo grumbled, pulling the other arrows out in rapid succession. “Alright, let’s deal with this stomach wound- did you bellyflop onto a spike? How on earth did you do this, Joe?”

“Yeah, that’s it, really.” Joe said sheepishly. “Wait, don’t you need gloves or other sanitation methods to do major surgery?” He continued as Cleo reached for his stuffing.

“You’re a fucking puppet, Joe, if an arrow does nothing to you, germs shouldn't either.” Cleo replied, giving him a withering look.

“You’re right! Okay, let’s stuff away!”

Joe and Cleo stuffed the stuffing (or guts, depended on how you looked at it) back into Joe. Cleo carefully sewed him back up, showing him how it was done as she did. In no time at all, Joe was all put together again.

“Okay, here’s your own scissors and string, so you should be set to go now.” Cleo said, handing her extra supplies over to the puppet.

“Oh, thank you for stuffing me full of the good stuff, Cleo!” Joe beamed.

“Good lord, don’t tell people I’ve been stuffing you full of the good stuff, Joe, or we won’t hear the end of it.” Cleo sighed, but waved Joe off nonetheless.

[we-stan-the-stans-27]

Bigfoot

So, we don't really know everything Ford was up to during his time in Gravity Falls. We, the viewers, get to see the Disney, kid-friendly version, but that can't be the full truth. Hence, they don't give us everything.

It's left up to interpretation. My favorite.

We've all seen Stanley's Bigfoot attraction, right? This one.

Personally, I've convinced myself that this is the real bigfoot.

Think about it. Ford was alone, collecting all kinds of specimens for studying! We see a Giants ear, for example. (We know giants exist in some form, because of Steve who eats cars)

How about the Fijji Mermaid Skeleton? (Ford literally dated a siren or mermaid, I can't remember which. And That's not mentioning Mermando!)

Technically, all of these could be fake. We see lots of fake exhibits throughout the shack, which obviously are. Such as the Rock that looks like a face. (It's literally a carved rock. That's the whole attraction, and he sells it beautifully)

Or the thigh-clops. (He is literally gluing the eye on, I CAN SEE YOU STANLEY)

But I don't think those ones are.

The point of this post is this: Stanford Pines is just crazy enough to have captured, killed, and stuffed the real bigfoot.

(Normal people would take just the feet, but no. People won't believe you unless you have the whole corpse)

At least half of the shack's success is built on Ford being literally insane and killing and hoarding specimens of rare species only found in the local ecosystem. Stanley looked at them and said, 'Huh, that's weird, I guess. But I can sell this!' while rubbing his hands together.

AND THEN he made it even more ridiculous with his own stuff, adding his own special touches!!! Like the underwear, because people don't believe it if its too real!!!

(Edit: I just realized. Ford probably kept Bigfoot junk. That's why he wears underwear because Stanley can't put whatever the hell kind of sexual organs a giant ape-man has on display at a tourist trap for kids. Oh my fucking God. Ford you sick bastard. )

I have no idea if anyone else has made this connection, but the fact that Ford made several animals extinct before ever being pushed through the portal is so funny to me.

Like, imagine Ford slinking through the forest of Gravity Falls with his stupid crossbow hunting Bigfoot, the last Dodo Bird on Earth, and hell- I bet he is the one who killed the gnome queen! I said it, that's why they've spent the last three decades looking for a new one!?

We never see any sort of taxidermied gnome, of course, but I bet its somewhere hidden away in the basement. It looks too human to put on display or Stanley is helping cover up Ford's crimes by not airing his worst secret.

Because let's be serious, if Ford killed their queen that explains why we never see any kid gnomes. All the ones still alive are from thirty years ago, having barely ages because of magic. It's kind of like the smurfs I'm guessing with one women a generation.

And Ford basically doomed them to extinction, eventually.

That's-

Stanford Pines is insane. (Look at his dumb face)

BRB, about to go destroy the local wildlife real fast!?!? Be serious people, he would.

-Okay Bye, I'm done rambling.

[citrous241]

In my head-canon for Minecraft's "history", these two are (technically) the same species.

It all stems from my perception of the Ancient Builders. Its mostly inspired by the comics of the amazing DongLie (check them out their work is amazing), with some changes to fit with how I see the elements the game lays out.

For one, I believe the Ancient Builders' ultimate goal was eternal life. Their hubris is why they're "extinct". And two, there were 4 Mistakes that lead to their downfall.

I'm gonna go over these 4 Mistakes some day, but the second and fourth one is what I'm going to go into in some detail.

So what does any of this have to do with the Wither Skeletons and Endermen?

Well, first I must describe the second mistake. And to rationalise why it happened, I must also touch on the first mistake; the creation of Creepers. I believe the Ancient Builders created Creepers in their desert temples as their first foray into eternal life. This attempt fundamentaly changed the Overworld, cursing it to produce these creatures every night. I believe Zombies, Skeletons and Spiders have always existed in the Overworld, and the Ancient Builders had adapted to them the same way we have. But the Creepers rocked their society. Some of them went deep underground (leading to the third Mistake), and some of them went "deep" I.e: to the Nether.

This is where the second mistake occurs. They found the Piglins, whose corpses became reanimated upon their death. Not anything crazy, the same thing happens to Ancient Builders in the Overworld, if not for the fact that Zombified Piglins have actual awareness. Immortality through zombification became an option and the Builders deduced it was true to the Nethers sand trapping souls from across dimensions.

So they buried their dead in the large valleys of this sand, and they became reanimated. It was exactly what they wanted, they were aware and immortal.

Unfortunately a complication ensued; Piglins had adapted to soul sand, but the Builders hadn't. Those who had been buried rapidly found their flesh withering away, and their actions becoming more and more aggressive. These withered skeletons became the guards of the Fortresses the Builders constructed to protect themselves from the Nether's dangers. They became nothing more than thugs.

So the Builders continued their work. They theorised that the combined biomass of multiple corpses could overcome the withering problem.

They were right. And they were so, so wrong.

They had awakened one of the primordial forces of the universe, the force of chaos and destructions. The trapped souls had been screaming out to them all along. The withered skeletons were a warning that was impossible to ignore, yet they did.

The Wither had descended upon the Ancient Builders, wanting nothing more then to spread its infection.

The Builders tried to escape, abandoning their portals into the Nether. But they were too slow, the Wither had followed them to the Overworld.

This lead to the third mistake, but I'm not going to talk about that now.

The fourth and final mistake came after the Overworld was no longer safe for the Builders. The Wither was gone, destroyed in the third mistake, but it's rot still corrupted the land. To go to the surface was suicide, to go deep underground was suicide. So the Builders clung to just below the surface. They used their magic to invert stone and tore out their eyes to construct a portal to somewhere out of the Overworld.

They took a leap of faith, and it didn't pay off. They had found a dimension in the Void between dimensions, the End of all reality. Nothing but blank islands for all eternity. But there was something... else.

Another primordial force that threatened everything. Native to this place or trapped their, they did not know. But they had opened the door out and had to close it. So they purposefully disabled the way out, created a dragon to guard it should anyone try to leave. Every island for miles around the exit point was annihilated, as to separate it.

It was the ultimate sacrifice and the final mistake; sealing themselves into the End.

Over time they evolved; their skin became darker, blending into the eternal night; their eyes became larger to see in the darkness; they became taller, their limbs becoming longer to pluck the high snaking chorus fruits - the only food in this place. We've all eaten chorus, we all know how it teleports anything that consumes it. Eating just that fruit caused them to eventually teleport regardless.

And finally, these End-men had become immortal. But there was no victory, their minds had long been lost. Even when they eventually gained the ability to teleport across dimensions they held no memories of these places. They can only grab blocks to move as they did long ago, but none of them know why.

When they see us they feel pain, they look us in the eyes and remember humanity. This makes them sad, which makes them angry. They cannot understand their unexplained grief so they act only in fear and self-preservation.

These 2 creatures, the Wither's skeletons and the men of the End are brothers. Yet they do not know it. For both have long since lost their mind and history; one in pure aggression and obsession, and the other in hubris and insanity.

Credit to DongLie for most of images used here.

[bogleech]

Extremely long post about how you’re now allowed to erase your neopets faces (NEOPETS IS GOOD AGAIN: YOU CAN ERASE THEIR FACES.)

I have just learned that neopets recently added some wearable (neocash only though) items called the “be-gone cans” that let you hide different body parts, so there’s like eyes-be-gone and wings-be-gone.

There’s a lot of caveats (the mouth one for some reason is locked behind a gacha capsule, the “body” one only removes minor extra details from the torsos of a few species, they don’t all work on all pets and they don’t even work on the same exact parts of the same species in different colors because of how they were coded) but at minimum ALL pets can at least have the eyes and mouths removed and this alone improves countless, countless designs. For instance if you didn’t like some of the invertebrate variants stuck with the pet’s usual face, now you can fix it:

Same for the fruit and vegetable chias, they're SO good without faces, for reference here’s the mushroom chia with the horrible face all chias normally have:

Awful. Just ghastly.

Now you can correct him and make him good:

Look how fucking cute some of the other chias are this way:

This is a fucking game changer, I actually care about neopets for the first time in a decade because I can take their faces off. They were born for this. They were waiting almost 30 years to be freed from their disgusting foul orifices. “Help me, mother” they say, “I am cursed with a mouth and can therefore all too easily scream!” as their famous catchphrase always went I think. At last their salvation is here. I mean, look at this sad lenny:

We all know exactly why he’s canonically always so miserable! If there’s one thing he hates more than having legs to touch the earth’s filth and corruption it’s being able to see it.

Now he’s happy! He wants this!

And now he’s even happier i’ll bet!!!!!!!!!!

If you take the muzzle piece off the scorchio it even liberates their whole head from their neck as their god intended:

Legit though some pets actually make better serious designs besides the nudibranch one, like if you take the eyes off any of the (already badass) transparent pets you get their deep abyssal cave version:

Now look at some of the transparent pets with everything taken away that can be taken away:

The uni is finally almost unrecognizable as an equine, its life long dream

This isn’t like any of the dog designs in any of the silent hill games but it could exactly have been a dog design in a silent hill game, you know??

God bless whatever artist refused to give the insectoid Ruki a normal vertebrate skeleton so you can make this gelatinous flying space angel

But god bless whoever DID give the insectoid Buzz a vertebrate skeleton so you can make this HR Giger parasite embryo. Actually cannot pick between the two bug pets here as my new favorite neopets that are still technically available. THESE WINGS HAVE BEEN RETIRED SINCE 2012 OR I WOULD MAKE THIS PET:

[fandomsfordays21]

Explaining Sans AUs to someone outside of the fandom is so funny because it's like:

Classic, Dust, Killer, Sci, S-1, Geno, Horror, and more are all the same person technically just from different timelines.

Geno turned into Error so he is technically also all of those people from a different timeline.

Error came across Geno, an alternate version of the guy who turned into Error, and tried to destroy him, creating Fatal Error. This means an alternate timeline of Aftertale tried to destroy Aftertale, leading to the creation of an alternate timeline of Aftertale.

Swap, Fell, Outer, Storyshift Sans, Altertale Sans, and a bunch of others aren't Sans, as in, they are not any variation of the original Sans but are the "Sans" of their respective universes.

All of the characters I just mentioned have AUs and ATs of themselves, leading to there being distinctions between the different versions of THOSE Sanses.

Ink, Cross, and others I can't think of do technically fit the bill of the previous categories minus the fact that the universes they are the "Sans" of cannot exist on it's lonesome and requires direct contact with the fandom (Creators) and the multiverse to exist.

Dream, Nightmare, Fresh, any and all "Sanses" that only resemble Classic in appearance? Yeah, they're not Sanses. I mean, we call them Sanses but they're not. Dream and Nightmare are literally just balls of energy contained within forms that only resemble Sanses due to their mother needing to make them that way. And Fresh is just a soul-eating parasite that takes Skeleton monsters as hosts because they have easy access points. Any "Sans" that's meant to just resemble a character concept the creator had and just so happened to call it a Undertale AU? Those fit the bill too.

And for the love of GOD don't get me started on the concept of shipkids and fusions and all that nonsense because once I'm done explaining everything prior to you you're already going to be having a stroke, and I don't need to pile the selfcest on there too.

[o-sunny-day]

Do you guys think when skeletons have kids they are like, so excited to find out what font/name their kids have. it's like a huge milestone, like taking their first steps or saying their first words

Then when Papyrus and Sans were born and they had these silly ass fonts their parents were like

Obsessed with skeleton lore Toby please Toby you gave us Boss monster lore now give us silly skeleton lore please Toby, ANYTHING, Tobias Radiation Lupus Deltarune kinda gives me hope with the whole THIS situation

Like the acknowledgment of that gives me hope by maybe its just a little joke but IDK YOU CAN NEVER TELL WITH THIS MAN

I remember when I first played Undertale in like 2016 cause my sister said she “thought id like it” (this is all her fault)

She told me about Sans and the fact that Humans and Monsters were the 2 races, my immediate ask was “Oh was he a human before and turned into a Monster?” and she said “…I mean some people theorize that-“

THIS IS A LONG WAY OF SAYING I don’t personally believe that, but I am interested in if there is any cool reason for a Monster to be SHAPED LIKE A HUMAN and technically be a part of one. Or if its just cause Skeletons are a popular type of “classic Monster”…

Okay Ive restrained myself from talking about Forgettable for… checks watchless wrist….long enough.

IMAGINEEEE AUGH imagine their parents reaction to one of their kids having a dingbat font like “oh boy- this kids gonna have a rough life”

Since S n WD are fraternal twins, do you think identical ones would have the same font? gimme an AU where Sans also talks in wingdings

hehehehe I still vaguely remember how big it was when Deltarune Sans said “little brother” and everyone was like YEAAAAAHHH ITS FINALLY CONFIRMED!!!!!! Like I completely forget there was a time when we didnt know who the older one was/if they were twins

Anywho. Tangent over until I think about more cool/funny skeleton lore headcanons

[j4gm]

SPOILERS!!! REFERENCES AND EASTER EGGS IN F&C ep. 8: JERRY

The last of four posts for today.

This episode has a very dark setting. This is the universe where The Lich wished for the extinction of all life. There is nothing here. This establishing shot features the Squirrel's apple cart, from a few episodes ago, but he is long dead and it is long abandoned.

We are introduced to a new cosmic entity, Orbo, who is Scarab's boss but is not to be mistaken for Prismo's boss, whose identity remains a mystery.

Simon name drops a whole bunch of magical items from the original Adventure Time series; the Armour of Zeldron from Blood Under the Skin, the Wand of Dispersement from Sons of Mars, the Porcelain Lamb from Beyond This Earthly Realm, and the magic beans from The Pods.

This episode suggests that the nature of Simon and Betty's relationship was initially quite unhealthy. He was one of her lecturers, and she had an infatuation with him from first sight.

This illustration features the ancient wizards who sealed Coconteppi beneath Wizard City in the Distant Lands episode of the same name.

Simon's expedition to find the Enchiridion was first mentioned in the newspaper clipping in I Remember You, and was mentioned again in Temple of Mars.

BMO apparently survived The Lich's wish because he isn't technically alive. I wonder where Neptr and the other MOs are. Cannibalised for batteries, perhaps. Also, that BRB note is very sad and is identical to the one Finn wrote in Blenanas.

There are various familiar items in the thawed out remains of the Ice Kingdom; ninja paraphernalia from The Chamber of Frozen Blades, Ice King's diary from The Empress Eyes, and of course the tape collection from Holly Jolly Secrets.

Here's a deep cut: That machine in the background to the right of Simon is the machine that held the lightning power that Finn went to steal in What is Life, so that he could power up Neptr. The Demonic Wishing Eye is also in this shot.

For a single frame, Ice King and Gunter can be seen reduced to skeletons. Presumably this was the exact moment that the Lich's wish took effect. Everyone died instantly, in less than a frame.

When I watched this episode for the first time I was confused about where Fionna got the working crown. But you can just about see it inside the drum in this shot, where Ice King mentioned he had put it in his tape.

This is the exact moment the photograph was taken for the newspaper clipping seen in I Remember You.

We first heard the story about how Simon met Betty after they tried to check out the same library book in Broke His Crown. It's cool to see it playing out for real.

Simon throws a pebble at the window and accidentally hits Babette in the face, exactly like Finn and Jake did to Kim Kil Whan in the episode Ocarina.

This is the second time Simon caused Betty to miss this research trip to Australia. She says in Temple of Mars that she never got the opportunity to go, and resolves that her life might not have been so messed up if she'd followed her own dreams instead of following Simon's.

The song in this scene, the motif of which has been heard throughout the series, is by Half Shy, who also wrote "Monster" for Obsidian.

BMO is buried with a paper flower because there are no real ones left alive. His death seemed pointlessly cruel.

THE LICH! He is in his half-disguised Billy form, confirming that this is his wish-altered reality. Like in his other appearances, the first line he speaks is a single word command. This time, the command is "Cease." But with nothing left to do he has become depressed, and he doesn't bother killing our protagonists.

And finally, we are left on this cliffhanger. Fionna and Cake have returned to their world. Scarab has convinced the boss that Simon must be destroyed. And GOLBetty is here to claim them both while the Lich watches on.

This episode's dream features a pair of Lich skulls either side an effigy of GOLB.