#Taehyung fuckboy AU!

[bangtanficsforyou]

They Reject You (maknae line)-03

Pairing: maknae line x reader (fuckboi! Jimin x Reader, Co-worker Taehyung x Reader, Idol Jungkook x Reader)

Warnings: swear words here and there.

Word count: 20K (approx)

A/N: long long long asf! (There's author's note at the bottom too).

Park Jimin

Jimin may have been very determined while pledging that he will make things right but right now, he's utterly confused and clueless. 

How exactly does he make things right?

If he were to go by the way movies suggest, he should be sending you chocolates and bouquets of flowers. But the question is, will that do? Will that be enough? Can hurting someone emotionally be fixed by something material?

He doesn't know.

Oh, that's another thing. In recent days, Jimin's mind has been throwing questions at him which he has no answers to. Which, needless to mention, has been frustrating him to no end.

He feels like there's a lot he needs to figure out before taking any action. Because lord knows he doesn't want to mess up again and given his history he has a habit of doing exactly that over and over again. 

The question that has been bugging him the most is; why does he even want to fix things with you? 

It's a question Jimin wholeheartedly avoids thinking about. Because he doesn't have an answer and thinking about this particular question makes him feel a little too uncomfortable.

However, to him, the question also feels like a big empty blank that he needs to fill in order to make sense of what he should do next. Almost as if, if he figures out this one thing, he will have all his answers. 

Which again, doesn't make sense to him. How can figuring out one thing give answers to the rest? But again, he should begin somewhere. Which obviously isn't going to be answering the big question.

Hence he does what he has been doing for the past few days; searching for ways to apologise on YouTube.

It's quite obvious that his YouTube searches haven't been very successful. But in his defence, it isn't Jimin's fault. It's YouTube's.

Almost every video that YouTube suggests as a response to his search, has this implication that the girl being apologised to, is the lover of the person seeking forgiveness.  

Huh? 

But that's so not the case. You're not his lover.

At some point, Jimin got so frustrated that he went on a mini rant to Taehyung, about how this is the 21st century and how a boy and girl need not always have a romantic relationship. And it's while he's ranting via text that he is hit by the brilliant idea of inviting Taehyung over. After all, if there's someone who's better than Jimin when it comes to the ladies, it's Taehyung. 

Half an hour later, Jimin couldn't rush to the door any faster when the bell rang. 

Taehyung greets the troubled boy with a scoff of disbelief. "Never seen you this excited over my arrival, ever."

Jimin is the least bit interested in paying attention to his best friend's teasing. "You gotta help me. It's already been three days and I haven't been able to figure anything out."

"It's about making up to that girl, right?" On receiving a nod from Jimin, Taehyung continues, "What was her name again?"

"Y/N."

"Right, Y/N," Taehyung makes a note to himself, having a hunch it's a name he will hear quite often. "So where exactly are you stuck?" 

Jimin leads his friend to the couch so that Taehyung can have a look at the screen. "Just look at the results. There are literally thousands of responses but not one that's of use. What's the point of having internet if it can't help you when you need?!"

Taehyung snickers. "Yeah, you did go on a half an hour rant about it via text."

Jimin huffs at the way Taehyung seems to not share the same level of frustration as him. But alas, maybe him being in a light mood is a good thing after all. That way Taehyung can think optimally and come up with a solution and then Jimin can finally have a good night's sleep. 

Gosh when Jimin thinks about it, it sends shivers down his spine. He really needs to sleep. 

"Great! You know all about it, so now get on with it," Jimin speaks with a firm nod of determination and turns his body ninety degrees so that he is entirely facing Taehyung. 

And then just keeps staring. 

Taehyung stares back for a second or two and then bursts out laughing. He laughs so hard, that his ears miss the questions Jimin throws his way, querying about the cause of his laughter. He laughs so hard, that he has to place a pillow against his stomach because it has started hurting. He laughs so hard that it takes him a total of five minutes to stop. 

When he does stop laughing, he utters a sentence that sends Jimin into a similar laughter fit. 

"You're so in love."

Or maybe wait. 

Jimin doesn't laugh. 

Jimin blinks at Taehyung blankly and then scoffs in annoyance. Taehyung can't be serious. "I can't believe you're in the mood of making jokes when I'm so stressed."

"Oh, I can assure you, I'm not joking," Taehyung shakes his head with a chuckle, denying Jimin's words. "You're definitely in love."

Jimin pauses. He doesn't like how sure Taehyung seems to be of his words. It makes Jimin realise that Taehyung isn't joking. Taehyung really thinks Jimin is in love. 

Huh. 

"Don't you think I'd know if I was in love?" 

Taehyung snorts. "Clearly not."

Now Jimin's curious. "What makes you so sure of your words?"

"Hmm, let's think for a moment," Taehyung responds, pretending to think deeply for a moment. "You have been worried sick, haven't been behaving like yourself and are throwing tantrums like a five-year-old kid. All because a girl hasn't been talking to you–"

"That could simply mean she's a very good friend to me," Jimin counters even before Taehyung can finish his sentence. 

"Well, you don't kiss your friends while drunk." 

Jimin shuts up at that, not because he agrees with Taehyung's statement but because he needs a moment to figure out what to reply to that. He needs to think of something that is a justifiable reason for why he had kissed you in his drunken state of mind. 

Unfortunately, the best he comes up with is; "I didn't know what I was doing. I was drunk. Plus, me kissing someone shouldn't be news, drunk or not." 

Taehyung nods. "Right, that's your thing. Kissing and sleeping around."

For the first time in his life, Jimin feels an odd sensation in his chest at the mention of his player lifestyle. He can't place why (another thing he can't figure out, yes) but for the first time he wishes these words were not used to describe him. But admittedly, that's who he is. It's only normal to describe him by who he is. 

Jimin keeps quiet as a sign of letting Taehyung know that he can go on. 

"But surprisingly enough, since Y/N has stopped talking to you, you haven't fooled around with anyone," Taehyung squints his eyes, looking like a detective who's trying to solve a complicated riddle. "Wonder why that might be." 

Jimin misses the sarcastic tone completely because he's taken aback by his friend's words. It's only now that he realises that he indeed, has not fooled around with anyone in the last week or so. 

It's true that he has been going to parties and have been getting drunk and have been doing what he usually does. Except for one thing, it seems. Hooking up. 

Oddly enough, the thought of hooking up with someone didn't even occur to him. It's not like he restrained himself or something. It's like he forgot that aspect of his life, entirely. 

What the fuck.

Taehyung silently watches the realisation play out on Jimin's face. It's entertaining, to say the least. His sweet fuckboy of a friend is in love and has zero clue about it. How sweet. 

He only hopes Jimin comes to his senses while this denial is still sweet and not when it's all bitter and sour. But looking at the way Jimin is struggling, one thing is for sure and that is, he isn't going to get his 'happy realisation' just yet. 

"Your bulb will take time to light up," Taehyung interrupts Jimin's thoughts, "Let me just help you with the apologising thing."

---------------------------------------------------------------

Jimin has been standing in front of your door for five minutes now. With a huge flower bouquet at that. Because according to Taehyung:

"It's not what you give that matters, it's the thought you put into it. It could be flowers, it could be chocolates–yes I know, at the end of the day they are mere materials. But what's wrong with that?

You've gotta start somewhere. What's important is that you show her that you have realised your mistake, you're sorry and that you'd never do something like that ever again. Sending gifts is not all. It might not earn you her forgiveness but it shows that you're trying and that's something." 

Hence, despite not considering sending gifts as an option at first, here Jimin is, doing exactly that. But then it's not like he could come up with a better idea himself and he thinks Taehyung is right, he should at least start somewhere. 

But he wanted to make it as meaningful as he could. Which is why he did a little research and showed up here himself. He needs to do just one last thing, press the calling bell. 

He sighs and tells himself that there's no point in delaying it, the sooner he does it, the better. Plus, it only means that he will be able to see you after another three-day stretch. 

The thought of seeing you again, does it for him. He presses the bell and with a bated breath, waits for you to open the door. 

Thankfully, he doesn't have to wait long. You swing the door open and Jimin is relieved that your reaction on seeing him is that of surprise and not that of disdain. He would have run in the opposite direction and would have been too ashamed to face you had that been the case. 

Despite not running away, Jimin seems to have lost his capability to talk, for all he does is stare at your face. It gets to the point where you have to be the one to ask him what he's doing at your doorstep. 

Jimin looks away as soon as he snaps out of it and remembers what he's here for. He still doesn't speak and just pushes the bouquet in his hands towards you and urges you to take it. 

It's not like you hadn't noticed the bouquet, it's unmissable really. It's this big, gorgeous arrangement of pink roses and the lighting of the hallway falls on the flowers in a way that makes it look like a portrait. When Jimin tries handing over the bouquet to you, you're once again taken by surprise and out of instinct you take hold of the bouquet without a second thought. 

The moment Jimin knows that you have the bouquet, he takes a few steps back, bows to you and takes off. 

Well, guess he did run away, after all. 

You don't even get the time to question him as to why the sudden flowers as you stand there for a moment until you're sure that Jimin isn't coming back. With a confused sigh, you head back into your apartment. 

"I should put them in water," you mumble to yourself and rest the bouquet on your centre table. 

However, it's at this very moment that your eyes land on a piece of paper that seems to have been folded with great care and has been kept in such a way that it isn't visible from the front but only from the top. 

With a small frown of curiosity, you take the paper out with your fingers. On unfolding, you find a small printed note on the left side and a handwritten note on the right. 

The left side of the note read: "Pink roses signify gratitude, admiration and appreciation." 

The right side of the note read: "You're not the stupid one, I am."

There's a brief moment where you are clueless and you have to think as to what Jimin could possibly mean. However, it doesn't take long for you to figure it out as you're hit with the memory of letting Jimin know how he has made you feel for a very, very long time. 

One particular line sticks out and you have a hunch that his note refers to that.

"I felt so stupid to be hanging out with you when you couldn’t even pause and give me the minimum respect I deserve.”

Huh. 

Is...Is Jimin apologising? 

No way. 

After that day you had thought Jimin would either just stop talking to you or would just show up a few days later as if nothing ever happened. Never had you considered that he would choose to apologise. But apparently, that's exactly what he has decided on. 

Wow. This is way more surprising than the sun rising in the west. 

You do not doubt that he must have taken the help of some of his friends but that's only fair. You can imagine how hard it must be for someone like Jimin to apologise to someone. 

You shake your head in amusement and bring a vase filled with water to place the flowers in. 

Honestly, you hadn't thought much about Jimin since that day. The way you felt lighter after saying what you had wanted to for a long time, was incredibly freeing. You were also proud of yourself for finally standing up and for sticking to your decision to cut him off. It made you wish you had done it sooner. 

But now that Jimin is apologising, in his own way, you are a tad bit surprised that it doesn't throw you into a mental debate. That you don't have to battle yourself on what to do. 

Things are pretty clear in your head. 

You forgive Jimin. 

You had forgiven him long before he even sent you the flowers. With your bottled-up emotions out of the way, it gave you the clarity you needed to see things for how they were. 

You had always had a weak spot for Jimin. Jimin, not so much. You were just another girl to him. But the thing with having weak spots is that they make you vulnerable. 

But Jimin is Jimin. He has no clue about these kind of things. Does he? For you, to expect Jimin to understand the sensitivity of the matter, was basically setting yourself up for disappointment from the get-go. 

It's the same as looking for a mango in a banyan tree. It's fruitless. 

That does not mean, that you blame yourself. When emotions that are beyond your control, get involved, the practical mind is forced to take a back seat. Romantic affection is for sure one such feeling where one tends to lose their thinking and decision-making capabilities. 

You forgive Jimin. You also forgive yourself. 

Does that mean you'd be okay with being friends with Jimin, again? No, you cannot bring yourself to do that. 

The trust and faith you had put in him has been broken and that's enough of a reason for you to move on. 

So what is Jimin to you, now? 

Someone you still have a weak spot for because it's not like you wake up one day and suddenly all your feelings you harboured for a person disappears. But you know you want to move on. You know you do not wish to go back to sharing the same dynamic with Jimin ever again. 

And this time your decision does not come from a place of hurt, anger or frustration. This time it comes from a place of clarity and acceptance, which is also why it doesn't seem difficult to follow through with your choice. 

Nevertheless, you do appreciate Jimin giving you flowers. Although, you think there was no need for it. 

For a brief moment, you contemplate if you should be texting a thank you to him but then decide otherwise when you remember that you have blocked him. Even if it's for the short span of two minutes to send a text, you don't think you're ready to unblock him just yet. 

For the time being you simply settle for putting the vase at the top of one of your drawers and taking good care of them. 

----------------------------------------------------------------

The next day it was a bouquet of white flowers with a note that read: 

I'm sorry; on the left and I know flowers won't earn me your forgiveness but I'm trying; on the right.

It once again was Jimin at your doorstep and once again, before you could say anything, he had decided his job was done as soon as the flowers were in your hands. 

You were too flabbergasted as you had thought that the whole giving you flowers thing was only a one-time thing. You didn't think Jimin would show up for a second time, just the day after, to give you another massive bouquet. 

Maybe you should have seen the same thing happening on the third day but somehow you didn't and were just as surprised, if not more, when Jimin showed up with another bouquet on the third day. 

Before you could say anything, Jimin was gone. 

Which is exactly why you now find yourself unblocking his contact. 

You: hey

You: just letting you know I appreciate the flowers but you do not need to send them anymore 

You: I forgive you

Jimin is on the phone with Taehyung getting an earful about his cowardness and running, when he receives your text.

"I'm telling you, this flower thing is not going to work. She hasn't even tried to talk to me" 

"From what I have heard you are the one who has never allowed her to even open her mouth and–"

"Hold on, someone texted me," Jimin interrupts Taehyung solely to avoid getting called out for the umpteenth time. However, his eyes almost fall out of his sockets when he sees that it's you. "Tae, Y/N texted me!"

Taehyung, too, is surprised to hear this. "What did she say?"

Jimin takes a deep breath, his nostrils flaring as he fills his lungs up with as much air as possible. "Right, I will open her messages." 

When he does read the words you have sent him, he is even more surprised. But even more so, he is relieved. Gosh, he feels like he could cry tears of joy. 

"She forgave me," Jimin speaks in a tone that is a little too loud for Taehyung's ears. 

However, Taehyung doesn't protest as his friend's words seem more important at the moment. "Are you serious? She did? What did she say?"

"She said that she appreciates the flowers and that I need not send them to her anymore and that she forgives me." 

Taehyung pauses for a moment and then grins brightly, the relieved and excited tone of his friend making him feel happy. "Then what are you doing fucker? Text her back, you idiot."

Jimin nods but then responds verbally when he remembers that Taehyung is over the phone and not with him in his room. "I'll text her back."

Saying so, he ends the call with Taehyung and starts typing. 

Jimin: Thank you

Wait. 

Thank you?

Should he say thank you? Is that the right response? But is sending a simple thank you good enough? 

He doesn't think so. 

Quickly deleting the typed words, he begins to think of a better response. 

If not thank you, then what? How about 'How have you been?' No, no, no. That sounds way too casual. 

He should send something that appears to be cool and that doesn't make things awkward. At the same time, he should text something that leaves room for a conversation. A proper one. 

Geez, texting is difficult. 

What if he tries teasing you like he did before everything happened? No, that would make it look like he never took the matter seriously. 

Should he...should he just be uncool and be honest for once? 

Should he just let you know that he feels like a bag of stones has been lifted off his chest and that he can breathe again? That he feels like he can think properly, again? 

That might be too much. 

But maybe he can just try letting you know that he's incredibly grateful for your forgiveness without sounding cheesy? Yeah, he can definitely do that. 

Jimin: Thank you.

Jimin: that word isn't enough but that's the best I have got 

Jimin: I am incredibly grateful and I promise I won't make you regret your choice. 

When you read his texts a few minutes later, you're rather surprised. Is Jimin saying these things? There's no way. 

But then you come to a conclusion that, there indeed is no way. Jimin must have made a friend of his type out these words. Now, that makes a whole lot of sense. 

You chuckle at the thought and react to his messages with a thumbs up and leave it at that. 

The moment Jimin sees you reacting to his messages, he types out another message, one that he has delicately crafted in his mind. Something light that hopefully will lead to a proper conversation.

Jimin: How have you been? 

Your phone pings and you notice Jimin's text. Something uncomfortable churns in your stomach at his words. Jimin most likely thinks things are back to normal and that you two will once again bicker and joke around in no time.

Guess, you need to break it to him. 

You: I've been fine 

You: but I would rather have us not go back to the way we were 

Jimin is already in the middle of forming another text that conveys that things won't be the same and that he'd do better but his heart literally breaks into pieces when he reads the next text. 

You: I don't think we should be in contact anymore 

You: it's a proven fact it doesn't do either of us any good 😂

You: especially me.

—--------------------------------------------------------

Jimin has decided to watch a movie. Not just any movie, the fault in our stars. Because he needs something to make him feel sad. Correction; he needs something that he is consciously aware of, to make him feel sad. 

It's much much more annoying when you get sad and heartbroken over something and yet you cannot explain why you feel that way. Imagine suddenly getting stabbed by invisible knives that you can't see but can only feel. Yeah, it feels the same. 

But who cares anyway? Jimin is watching a movie that will make him plenty sad and unlike you, it won't have him feeling like someone who hasn't been in touch with his emotions for ages. 

Taehyung munches on his popcorn slowly, his focus periodically shifting between Jimin and the TV screen. 

Taehyung knew something was up the moment Jimin texted him asking if he would like to watch The Fault in Our Stars. For the people who don't know, Jimin does not watch sad movies, like ever. Because irrespective of how much of a fuckboy he is, he is a huge softie on the inside (which is actually very cliche of him). But as his fuckboy-ness would have it, he absolutely hates crying. 

Taehyung does not believe that Jimin does not cry or that he tries to keep his tears at bay. Because from the few times that he has seen his friend crying, he knows that he isn't someone who's good at holding his tears back. So no, Jimin does cry and when he does, he cries like a baby. However, what Jimin ensures is that he does not cry in front of anyone.

But here's Jimin, crying in front of Taehyung. 

This boy is going to give me a headache, Taehyung thinks with a deep inhale as he once again shifts his focus from Jimin to the screen.

It must have been another fifteen minutes or so when he hears a small sniffle coming from his left. Huh, things haven't even turned that sad in the movie yet. 

Taehyung looks at his friend only to realise his suspicions are right when he notices his friend subtly wiping under his eyes. 

Taehyung takes hold of the remote and switches the TV off. 

He has had enough. 

Jimin looks at Taehyung with perplexed features but before he can ask a question, Taehyung is getting up from his seat to turn the lights on. 

This makes Jimin quickly grab a few tissues and wipe at the corner of his eyes. 

Taehyung rolls his eyes in annoyance. "Sometimes I can't tell if you're a drama queen or a little kid." 

Jimin looks at Taehyung with a clueless expression. As long as he pretends he has no clue what Taehyung is talking about, it should be good. 

Taehyung simply scoffs and shakes his head in defeat. "Do you want to talk about it or should I just leave?" 

This has Jimin facing away from Taehyung and he scowls at the centre table. "I have nothing to talk about."

"Cool then, I have some important work to do, I'll get going." 

"Sure do that. Leave me. Everyone does, why shouldn't you?"

Ah. Drama queen, it is. 

"So what Y/N left? Like did she leave you on seen or something? Is that why you're so sad and upset?" Taehyung guesses the possible cause of Jimin's state from his words. 

Jimin wishes it was that simple. He honestly would give anything for Taehyung's words to be right, for that being the cause of his sadness. But if only.

Taehyung deduces that things might not be that simple when Jimin does not give a verbal answer and appears to become more sulky. 

Taehyung makes his way to the couch and claims his previous seat next to Jimin. "What will you take to just tell me what went wrong? I know you're dying to let it out."

Jimin looks at his friend for a moment then suddenly reaches out to grab his phone from the table. He opens your texts and just places his phone in Taehyung's hands. 

With a small concentrated frown, he takes a look at the screen and goes through the chats. 

"So this is what has gotten you like this," he mumbles to himself.  "Have you tried talking to her and telling her that you won't be repeating the same things again?" 

Jimin shakes his head. "She never gave me the chance to do so."

Taehyung hums, deep in thought. "What do you want to do now?" 

"I don't think it matters."

"It does. Now tell me what do you want?"

Jimin looks up at the ceiling with blurry eyes. "I think I want us to go back to the way we were."

Taehyung, although wanting to, does not show the disbelief he feels at Jimin's words. He keeps his composure calm so that Jimin does not feel uncomfortable. "What you're saying is you want to go back to the way you would annoy her and she would put up with it?"

Jimin's spirit lifts just a little bit when he remembers how things were before and he finds himself absentmindedly nodding. 

"Which would also mean going back to the way you would keep sleeping around with people and then at the same time would make flirty comments towards Y/N?" 

The tiny little corner of his mouth that had lifted, once again turns into a scowl as Taehyung's words register in his brain. It's as if he's knocked into his senses. 

Noticing that Taehyung has successfully managed to grab Jimin's attention, he hopes he can only make Jimin see his point. "Honestly, Jimin have you ever realised where you went wrong? Or did you apologise to her solely because you thought that was what she wanted and that would have her back in your life?" 

Questions. Another set of questions. Jimin could honestly scream. But something about Taehyung's gaze makes him unable to run away from the queries like he has been doing all this time.

He considers Taehyung's words for a moment and then mumbles in a small voice, "I don't know."

Taehyung hums, having guessed that answer. 

"I just wanted to apologise to her because I know I have hurt her," Jimin keeps his tone soft and vulnerable. "I may not know all the ways in which I have hurt her but I know I should have respected her wishes and should have stopped flirting with her when she had asked."

"I may not know exactly how or why it affected her but I know it led her to be angry–" Jimin breaks off suddenly when a thought occurs to him and soon he looks even more ashamed, "–and they say all anger stems from hidden pain. If that's true then I must have caused her pain."

Taehyung releases a breath he didn't know he was holding. He wonders how his friend can be both stupid and smart at the same time and why exactly does his brain start working when the damage has already been done. 

"So you realise that you have caused her some sort of pain?" 

"I must have," Jimin agrees. 

"Have you then tried figuring out what exactly she means to you?" 

Jimin's tears have dried, thanks to the ongoing conversation that has distracted him enough to have the wheels of his brain running again.  

"She's someone I care about a lot and someone I want in my life." 

"As a friend?" Taehyung pushes. 

Jimin nods. 

Taehyung hums, "I think you really need to sit with yourself and think things through." 

—-------------------------------------------------------

Jimin is dumb and Taehyung is loyal.

Which is why the latter finds himself in the middle of a party, waiting for you to arrive. 

A week of Jimin moping and being a sullen child, had Taehyung take matters into his own hands. Jimin could not possibly figure things out by himself even if everyone around him could. Taehyung only hopes he will admit what has been brewing for a long time, when his feelings smack him right across the face. 

Taehyung leans against the bar counter, his eyes hardly moving from the entrance as he waits for you to walk through the door. 

It takes about another fifteen minutes of his eyes locked on the door, for you to finally emerge. 

Taehyung relaxes a breath. He had to do a lot of digging to find a common friend and for him to convince that common friend to somehow convince you to come to the party. He wasn't sure if all of this would work, but now that you're here, success is a step closer. 

He gives you five minutes to say your hi's and hello's and then, he's making his way to you. 

"And you must be Y/N?" 

You look at the guy who seems to know you by your name and frown when you don't recall ever having interacted with him. "And you must be?"

"Taehyung. Kim Taehyung."

Your brain clicks in realisation. Taehyung, a name you have heard Jimin mention many times. However, this is the first time that you get to put a face to the said name. 

"I have heard of you," you nod as a feeling of reluctance takes over you. Why is Taehyung approaching you? 

He smiles. "I'm not surprised by that."

You return his smile awkwardly and wonder what you should be saying next. "How do you know me?" 

"Let's just say I have heard of you as well," his smile turns into a full-blown grin as if he's enjoying this. 

"From Jimin?" 

"Ah yes. We both have an idiot named Jimin in our lives."

You feel your traitor heart get curious at the confirmation. Taehyung knows of you from Jimin? Jimin talked about you to his friends? The thought of that catches you with surprise as you never thought you were ever important enough to him, for him to do that. You thought you were just another girl who fell for him. However, your curiosity is soon overtaken by the thought of him making light and fun of your feelings.

"That idiot, however, speaks highly of you, which is why I just could not miss the opportunity to speak to you," Taehyung quips, sensing the thoughts inside your head. 

You look at Taehyung, wondering what to make of his words. You just find it difficult to believe that Jimin speaks highly of you. One speaks highly of the people they respect and well—no, you don't want your mind to wander there.

"So you're here speaking to me, to verify the things Jimin has said about me?" You keep your tone light, playful and teasing, so as to not come off as rude. While, on the inside, you're really confused as fuck as to what to make out of this. Does Taehyung not know of the recent changes in the dynamics between you and Jimin? 

"Oh no, absolutely not," he shakes his head. "I do not doubt a thing Jimin has said about you. I'm only here out of sheer curiosity and with the intent to get to know you better."

And some ulterior purposes. That part he leaves unspoken. 

You observe him for a moment and relax a little when you realise that he seems genuine. You don't know, why he's here and what he wants from you, but you decide talking to him won't be of any harm.

—---------------------------------------------------------

Jimin is grumpy as fuck when he walks in and is greeted by the loud music that blasts through the speakers. Goodness, why did he enjoy partying, again? 

He really wouldn't be here had it not been for Taehyung's constant nagging that he had something important to say, and that couldn't be done unless he attended the party. 

Technically, his words made zero sense. Taehyung couldn't just say whatever important thing he had to say, over the phone? Apparently, according to him, he couldn't. 

He prays to whatever god is out there, for the sake of Taehyung that he finds him soon. 

The universe, however, has other plans. 

Jimjn spots you before he spots Taehyung. He sees you smiling wide and even in the dimmed lights, he can see the way your eyes shine with amusement and joy. As selfish as it is, Jimin feels any amount of hope he might have had, leave at the sight. You're clearly doing fine without him. A part of him wishes you weren't. 

It feels eerily similar to the time when he had spotted you on his way to class. 

But then he realises you are with a guy. A strange emotion fills him, one that he believes he hasn't felt before, ever. He realises he's jealous. He's so jealous of the lucky bastard who's getting to make you laugh and with whom you seem so comfortable with. With that jealousy, comes a huge wave of insecurity. The guy doesn't seem to have messed up like Jimin did. He doesn't seem to be someone you feel the need to cut off your life. All of which Jimin has done and is. 

However, when the light falls on the face of the said guy, Jimin is hit with a sense of anger and confirmation that the said guy is much, much better than Jimin is. 

Taehyung is smart, has a good sense of humour and surely knows more when it comes to matters of the heart. Whereas, Jimin has only been confused and no matter how hard he has tried, he has been unsuccessful in clearing up the cloud of confusion. 

For a brief moment, he is taken back to the words Taehyung had said to him–you're so in love–which Jimin had found utterly ridiculous at the time. However, now that he finds himself in the hold of jealousy and a brewing insecurity that only you hold the power to put a stop to, he doesn't find the idea as absurd. 

He's never been in love before. But somehow he is still hit with the realisation that all his desperation, anger, jealousy and insecurities stem from one thing and one thing only. His love for you. 

He is hit with more and more clarity with each passing moment as he stares at you. An overwhelming urge to make you his, washes over him and with strong, determined steps, he walks in the direction where you chat with Taehyung. 

The moment the two of you realise Jimin's presence, your smile falters whereas Taehyung's widens.

"Jimin," you whisper, caught completely off guard. 

"Y/N," he greets you back. "I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"Me neither," you mumble in a small voice. 

"How have you been?" 

Neither of you miss the fact that this was the very same question he had asked via text, to which you had made it clear that things would never be the same, instead of actually answering him. 

However, now that you both stand in front of each other, you think it would be incredibly rude to not answer him. "I'm fine." 

Your short answer leaves no further room for conversation and it's only when you realise that Jimin refuses to avert his eyes from you, that you ask him back the same question. 

"I've been anything but fine," Jimin answers, without missing a beat. 

His answer is similar to yours in terms of being short and vague. However, his response means exactly the opposite of yours. 

You stifle the question that's on the tip of your tongue and push away the overgrowing concern at his answer. This is exactly why you had chosen to end whatever friendship you two had over text. You were unsure of the feelings Jimin would stir within you. Sure, you have made the choice of moving on from him but there was no denying that you haven't moved on yet. 

You nod and think it would be best to include Taehyung in the conversation. He would surely know how to break the tension. However, you realise at the same time as Jimin does that Taehyung has disappeared into thin air. 

Taehyung's gone, you think with surprise and disbelief, having no clue when he left. 

Taehyung's gone, Jimin thinks, beaming with glee and satisfaction. 

"Do you want a drink?" Jimin asks, having no intention of leaving. 

"I could actually do with some alcohol," you mumble mainly to yourself, but somehow despite the loud music, Jimin manages to hear you. The very next moment he has two drinks in his hands and gracefully offers you one.

"I have a few things to say," he says after a few sips.

Oh god. Please be kind to my heart. You stay quiet. You were not prepared to face Jimin. After texting him that day, you had honestly thought that was it. It was hard for you to send him those words. So incredibly hard. But you knew it was for the best.  

A part of you had wished for Jimin to regret losing you. But you knew that thought to be impractical. You knew in reality, Jimin must have slipped into someone's bed instead of giving you a second thought. You had honestly thought Jimin's attempt at apologising with flowers was merely a result of his hurt to the ego. Nevertheless, you appreciate his effort and know better than to have any further expectations from the man. 

However, this is incredibly confusing. More so, because the Jimin who was sending you those flowers would run away right after he knew that the flowers had reached their destination. However, this Jimin, stands in front of you with eyes locked with yours, refusing to back down. 

"I had sent those flowers to you, because I knew I had to apologise. I knew I messed up. I knew I hurt you. Don't get me wrong, the knowledge that I had hurt you was enough of a slap on my face, but I didn't know what it felt like for you," he takes a pause, "but now I do."

Jimin is aware that comparing what he has put you through with what he felt for merely a few minutes after seeing you with Taehyung, is completely unfair. However, it'd be fair to say he has got a taste of his own medicine and he fucking hates himself to have you put through that, over and over again. 

"I know now, because–," he takes a deep breath, afraid you won't believe him, "–I have come to the realisation that I'm in love with you."

Your pupils dilate in shock and after a brief moment, your expressions morph into that of disbelief, much like Jimin had expected. 

"I don't expect you to believe it. I know I haven't done much to earn your trust. All I ask is for you to give me a chance to prove myself."

You're too shocked to make coherent thoughts. As a matter of fact, the severity of Jimin's words doesn't click in your brain. How can it, when you have seen it for yourself how appalled Jimin feels at the thought of commitment? How can you digest the thought of Jimin saying these words, that too, to you? 

"What do you want, Jimin?" You ask wanting the interaction to be cut short, afraid that the longer you stay in his presence the more you will find yourself inclined to believe his words. 

"Let me take you out on a date." 

Kim Taehyung

I'm in a relationship.

You absent-mindedly stare at the words on your screen as you feel the mix of emotions resurface yet again. 

Taehyung is in a relationship. The Taehyung you love so dearly, is in a relationship. And if you are to go with his status updates, he's quite happy about it as well. 

How do you feel about it, exactly? 

You feel betrayed, hurt, confused, angry, perplexed, sad, annoyed, embarrassed, lonely, frustrated, upset. These emotions are only a few to name. There's so much you think and believe, you still haven't figured out yet. Anytime, you try to focus on your emotions in hopes that you will be able to let it all out, all you come up with is an empty feeling. 

That's another thing. You haven't cried at all. But you want to. You want to just let all of it hit you at once and get it off your chest. Because the heavy uncomfortable feeling that often stirs your heart is not something you wish to deal with for long. 

Sometimes your mind comes up with all the little things and moments that had made Taehyung so special to you and you find yourself this close to breaking into uncontrollable sobs. But then it just never happens. It's like someone is pressing the accelerator and the brake at the same time and you're just there, frozen in time, not knowing what to do. 

You doubt if you have even fully grasped the concept of Taehyung being in a relationship. The thought that he's in one and you got to learn about it only after he committed, that too through a WhatsApp status, is completely unbelievable to you for some reason. No matter how much you try, a part of you doesn't want to believe it.

It's a whole set of emotions you never thought Taehyung would make you feel. He was your feel-good person, one of your best friends and someone you trusted with your entire heart. It's something you don't even know as to how to react to. 

"Y/N!"

You blink back to reality when someone shakes you by your shoulders. "Huh?" 

"You zoned out again."

"Oh," you speak in a tone of realisation, "I'm sorry–"

"Nothing to apologise for. Just forget whoever that guy is. He's surely not treating you right if you have this conflicted look on your face all the time."

If only it were that easy. You wish it was that easy. 

You chuckle at your next desk co-worker, Shanaya's, words. "I will surely contemplate on your words." 

"Men don't deserve shit from us if they treat us like shit," she nods seriously. "And with the way, you have had this sad-confused look in your eyes for a whole week now, I strongly doubt that man is any good for you."

Oh yeah, it's been a week.

Although, you could have been fooled by how the admittance of his relationship remains the last text exchanged between the two of you. You just didn't know how to respond to him at that time. You were too busy absorbing the shock to think of a proper response. 

You had just shut your net off and tried your hardest to fall asleep. But you just couldn't get a blink of sleep and since then you also couldn't bring yourself to pretend to be fine with him, when you were far from it.

Maybe you had posted your status a little too frequently to subtly let him know that you're online and well-active on your socials but are simply choosing to not talk to him. On the other side of the coin, is the fact that you feel disheartened that he hasn't made any effort to talk to you. It's the longest the both of you have gone without talking to each other. 

A hand waves in front of your face gaining your attention as your co-worker looks at you knowingly. 

"See! Not good for you."

You smile at her words and shake your head softly, amused by her straightforward and direct nature. 

—-----------

"How are you?"

You roll your eyes before replying. "I'm fine, I'm fine."

"Hmm," your best friend hums. "On a scale of 1 to 10?"

"Idk man, 7?"

"That's an improvement," she speaks to herself. "Now tell me, have you blocked Taehyung, yet?"

"I won't do that," you reply softly with a tone of surety. 

She sighs over the phone. "Babe, he's a dick. Why haven't you cut him off yet, is beyond me."

Your best friend is of the kind whom if you call crying, she'd ask you to first get rid of the person who's responsible for your tears and then she will allow you to tell her what went down for you to cry. If only she were in the same city as you, she'd have committed the crimes herself instead of having to beg you to do them. 

She's protective of you, incredibly so. 

When you had told her everything about Taehyung, she had muttered to herself something along the lines of how she knew he was gonna turn out to be a dickhead. You never queried her on that because in a way you knew what she meant. 

On learning about the situation you and Taehyung were in and about his unwillingness to be in a relationship, she was very firm about making her point that Taehyung was only making excuses. She was adamant that a person who really loves you wouldn't come up with reasons as to why they shouldn't be together. At the time, you had acknowledged what she was trying to say but you added that sometimes people get scared and fear often turns out to be an emotion that is rather difficult to overcome.

With much reassurance from your side that Taehyung was a great guy, she had let go of the topic. However, to say that Taehyung has now earned the entirety of your best friend's hatred, would be an understatement. You'd have been really concerned about his safety had she been in the city. 

"He–", you pause briefly, "–isn't a bad guy." 

Your friend scoffs. "Right. He's the worst."

"He is nice," you say a little more firmly. 

"Oh! Yes please, someone please give him a Nobel prize for his niceness!"

To your surprise the tone in which she speaks, makes you burst out laughing. "You really hate him, don't you?"

"Has he ever given me a reason to NOT despise him?" 

You chuckle as your laughter dies off. "Well, I don't blame you. I'd hate the guy as well if I was in your place."

"Hah! So you agree on something with me."

"But," you emphasise on the word, "he's not a bad guy. I don't know how everything turned out to be this way but trust me he has a very tender heart."

"I cannot believe you're making excuses for him, Y/N." 

Her surprisingly soft tone serves as a reminder that your best friend is probably one of the most compassionate and understanding people you've ever met. The only time you've seen her behave like an angry child who's ready to throw some punches, is when you get hurt. 

And admittedly, you're the same way when it comes to her.

"I'm not making excuses for him, I know him. He'd never intentionally hurt someone."

"But he did hurt you!!!"

"I know and I doubt he realises it," you sigh. "But I need to know his side of things."

"I'm sure he will run if you try to confront him," she grumbles. "He'll probably not even reply if you tell him how much of a dick he's been."

"Heyyy," a childish whine escapes your lips. "I have more faith in him than that. He respects me enough to talk things out."

She makes a sound of complete disbelief, "You bet my ass he would just pull stuff out of his ass."

"We will see," you chuckle.

You had to make up your mind sooner or later and somehow the conversation with your best friend has reminded you of the faith you have in Taehyung. If you need answers, you're sure he'd give them. Most importantly, you don't plan on losing the friendship you have with him this easily. But you don't think you'd be able to just push everything aside and pretend that things are fine. You need to clear it out. You need for him to realise that he has hurt you and you need to know how things changed so quickly. 

—————————————————————

You: hey 

It took you another day to get the simple three-letter word out of your system. But you do it the very first thing in the morning after waking up. Whatever roller coaster ride of emotion it is going to take you on, you want it over by today. 

Thankfully, it takes only ten minutes for your phone to ping to notify you of a message from Taehyung. 

Tae 🐻: hello, birdie 👋

A snort escapes you when you imagine all the lovely cuss words that would leave your best friend's mouth if she were to learn of his response to your 'hey'.  

You, too, find yourself being amused yet disappointed at how oblivious he seems to be. 

You: I'm sorry for not responding to your texts any sooner

Chewing on your lower lip, you click on the send button. While this text is meant to serve as an apology, it also serves as a means for you to know whether he really is as clueless as he seems. You're curious if he's at least aware that something must have been wrong for you to not text for this long.

Tae 🐻: It's okay, don't worry. I understand!

Tae 🐻: work can get busy 

Tae 🐻: it's fine! 

Sighing, you realise it's fruitless. You need to be upfront as there's no other way for you to go about it. 

You: uhmm thanks 

You: but before we catch up and all that, can I just get a few things off my chest?

Tae 🐻: sure! Go ahead. 

Suddenly you find yourself feeling anxious. You are not quite sure how this is going to turn out and how you're going to put your emotions into words. It sure appears to be a difficult job considering how muddled your brain feels every time you think about the events that have led to this.

You:  i don't really know how to say what i want to say lol

You: this is so awkward

Tae 🐻: just say it

Tae 🐻: it's the same ol' me after all

Some of your anxiety softens at his words. 

You: i know but i just dk how to say it 😂

Tae 🐻: that's okay

Tae 🐻: would it be more comfortable for you if I were to go offline? and I can check your messages when you give me the green signal to open your texts? 

Now that he mentions it, you think that would be lovely. That way you could take your time figuring out how to word your sentences without having the rush of typing things out fast over the worry of him coming to assumptions before you say the full thing. 

You: that'd be great! 

You: thank you! 

Tae 🐻: well then, I'll go offline. You speak your heart out 😌

You: open my texts only when you see a thumbs up or a message that directly asks you to open it. Okay?

Tae 🐻: done 👍

Sighing, you relax on your sofa and think. Now that he's offline, you need to figure out what to say. Rather, where to start because you just have so much to say. 

It takes you another two or three minutes before you start typing. 

You: so idk how this is gonna sound or how it's gonna get interpreted but I really need this out of my chest for it's been bothering me the last few days. 

You: so ummm, you know we both had openly admitted to having feelings for each other and then you told me you weren't really ready for a relationship? And I agreed to things being the way they were because I never wanted to pressurise you. I always wanted to be a friend first, whom you can trust and feel safe with, more than anything else. 

You: it's true that we never had a name for what we were. But it's because of that very reason that it always remained very confusing to me as to where we stood. Especially where you stood. 

You: i always could have asked in the course of the year as to where we stood but i always let you be because i was cautious that asking you, would in a way, pressurise you. 

You: however, that is not to say that i wasn't put in a dilemma when i would get propositions for going out on dates or when someone would ask me out. 

You: i didn't know where your feelings for me lied. While I avoided any assumptions, i also didn't act as if you did not have feelings for me. Because what if you did and then my actions hurt you? I knew how much you have been hurt in the past and i just didn't want to add to that. 

Your fingers pause as you take a look at what you have covered so far. When you go through your last two texts, you go awry at the thought of sounding like someone who's claiming to have done him some huge favour. 

You: I'm not saying all this to say that i have done you a huge favour or something by the way. Or that you owe me something in return. 

You: I'm just saying this because when you're so cautious and thoughtful over someone, it hurts to be on the receiving end of actions that make you feel incredibly stupid. 

You: it would have been better if you had told me, you know? That "hey, there's this girl i like," and I'm not saying in a way that you had to take my permission or something but just that it would have been nice to know that you thought of me and of what kind of an effect it would have on me. 

You: I just wish I didn't have to learn from a WhatsApp status 

You pause before thinking if you have missed anything. When you go through your words, you realise that you indeed have missed something important. 

You see, in the mix of all the heavy emotions, you also are happy. You're happy for him. That's something you realised the very day you learned about his relationship. It's odd but even in the midst of all the confusion you were feeling, a part of you felt glad.

You were glad that he found someone he loves and someone who makes him happy. You also found yourself excited on his behalf. 

You won't lie, you were surprised that you weren't jealous. Before Taehyung, for a long time, you had hardly had any guy in your life except for fleeting crushes. Even then, you can acknowledge the fact that jealousy is a very natural emotion to feel in this scenario. However, when you realised that you were happy for him and that happiness did not originate from a place where you had to force it, you were also proud. 

To you, there's no greater testimony of your love than that. 

You: i don't think i have mentioned this before but I'm really happy and excited for you.

You: go ahead and open your texts ig 😂

There are questions in your mind that you think would have been better had you asked them. Questions as to how he was unwilling to be in a relationship when it came to you but suddenly found himself being in a relationship a year later? 

However, you decide that's something you'd rather not ask. 

When you think of it, you indeed find it unfair and there's perhaps that hint of anger that bubbles in your stomach. But you recognise that there's no purpose in asking that question. 

It's possible that his feelings for her run deeper than they ever did for you. Or it could be the fact that they work together and it's human that you'd grow close to someone who's there with you physically rather than someone whom you only talk to over the phone or via texts. 

But figuring out the why is none of your business. Neither is it something you're concerned with. Whatever the reason might be, he's in a relationship and he has already made a choice. The why is irrelevant now. 

Another reason, the why is irrelevant to you is because, you have never found yourself thinking along the lines of what you could have done differently for him to stay and choose you. You have never wondered if it was something you lacked. You'd never let yourself think that way for anyone. Once upon a time, you did. You were filled with insecurities and would question yourself anytime someone would hurt you or leave you. But you have overcome that and have learnt to love yourself. You'd never undo all that progress by entertaining those thoughts ever again. Even if it's Taehyung. 

Three little dots appear at the bottom of the screen letting you know Taehyung is typing. His text soon arrives making your breath hitch. 

Tae 🐻: I have read your texts. Give me some time, and I'll reply to them. 

So you'll have to wait. 

It's fair you think, he can take the time he needs, to figure out what he has to say. 

You only hope you can get over this soon. 

—--------------------------------------------------------

It's been an entire day since Taehyung said he'd reply to your texts but unfortunately, he hasn't yet. 

You know he will reply, you have that faith in him but you only wish he'd do it sooner. There's that lingering anxiety that comes with being unable to predict what he's going to say. 

You have also been wondering if you have worded your words correctly. You found yourself worrying what if you came across as jealous and as someone who's unhappy for him? You really hope you didn't sound bitter because you aren't. 

Yes, there's a part of you that is sad because the moments that you thought were special for the both of you, were all in your head. Because you loved him.

There's also this feeling that now you have been replaced. That now, things won't ever be the same. Perhaps, a part of you wishes you could stay in your head a little longer and pretend. 

But all of that aside, you also have immense amounts of trust in the friendship you both share. Taehyung is someone who is incredibly kind and loving, and he's a great friend in general and you're sure that both of you would somehow manage to keep your friendship intact.

Penny: Has he replied yet? 

You look down at the screen to find a text from your best friend.

You: no 

You: not yet 

Penny: huh told you

Penny: he's a dick 

You smile and shake your head.

Knowing you have a long day ahead, you cook yourself a plate full of breakfast and get ready for work. In a way, you're glad that there's work to keep you busy. You do not know what you'd have done had it been a Sunday. You'd probably have been restless as fuck and would have been checking your phone every five minutes.

Thanks to your workload, you only get time to check your phone during lunch. However, the workload doesn't help with the disappointment you feel, when each time that you do check your phone and find that there's no new message from Taehyung. The disappointment only increases when you realise he has put a status about some funny fact regarding hyenas. 

Whatever he sends you as a response to your texts, it better be good to have you kept waiting this long. 

—--------------------------------------------------------

It's nine in the evening and you're at home when you finally receive Taehyung's text. Your anxiousness is overpowered by curiosity and impatience as you click on his message. It's a wordy and lengthy one. 

Tae 🐻: I was confused, Y/N. Very confused. Although I had confessed my feelings to you, I was extremely confused and scared to take a step forward. When things with Kira ended, I was lonely and sad and my thoughts were very self-destructive. I had zero self-confidence. Talking to you, spending time with you, and texting you gave me the greatest joy and it acted as an escape from those thoughts, feelings and difficulties I was facing at the time. However, if you ask me now, where my feelings originated from, I wouldn't be able to tell. Were they genuine or a result of my love-starved state, I wouldn't be able to tell. But I'm glad it did as it helped me move on from the grief that accompanied my breakup. You have no idea how much you helped me at the time and I was selfish enough to take all of it, without thinking of the consequences, one of which was falling for you. This conversation we are having now is one which we should have had long ago. But I was scared that me not taking the step forward and telling you all this, would make you lose interest in me. Instead, I kept you hanging. I thank you for always being such an amazing friend. I have always loved you but I was too scared to put the tag of a relationship. I mistook my infatuation as readiness for being in a relationship. I'm guilty of all the things you mentioned but I don't know what to do to make things right, as I really don't want to lose the friendship we have. With all that I have done, you'd obviously think that I don't care about you, or at least not as much as you do, but trust me, I do. I have just been shit at expressing my gratitude and telling you how much you mean to me. I'll do better. I just hope you have it in your heart to forgive me for my mistakes. Thank you.

Something that you have been really hoping for, finally happens. You cry. 

Fat, angry droplets of tears roll down your face and you close your eyes shut as the searing pain spreads in your chest. 

Everything just feels so final and also so fruitless. 

Three little dots appear at the bottom of the screen and you realise that Taehyjng must have noticed that you have read his message. 

Tae 🐻: say something

Tae 🐻: this is making me anxious 😅

Despite your blurry vision and him being the cause of your pain, you feel the need to put him at ease. 

You: i appreciate you being honest with me 

You: I'll reply properly in a while 

You: just let me have a good cry first 

The petty part of you wants him to know that you're crying, you want him to know how hurt you are. 

Tae 🐻: Y/N?

Tae 🐻: are you okay?

You don't reply, not having it in yourself to lie.

You let your tears flow as you cry silently.

It's too much for you. You feel used. You feel like a rebound. You feel like a bridge he walked on to reach his destination and to move on from his past. Your heart feels walked all over. Your love feels irrelevant. 

It's true that you wanted to make him feel good. You wanted him to move on from the hurt caused by Kira. You wanted him to feel good about himself. All because you loved him. But you never thought your love was so disposable to him. That it would only be the means for him to move on to someone else. 

What's worse is, despite all of that you understand. You understand that it wasn't a conscious choice of his to hurt you. He, himself, wasn't aware that he was using your love to heal himself. 

It's worse because a part of you feels bitter and angry. If you were the one who helped him get over his hurt, shouldn't he show at least a bit of loyalty to you? You feel angry because he didn't communicate, he left you in the dark and just assumed that you must have been detached enough from your feelings for you to not be bothered by his new relationship. But then a part of you understands that as well. 

With Taehyung, it's a tug of war where you want to be mad at him and feel betrayed by him but no matter what, your love for him makes you see things from his point of view. 

In a way, you find it surprising as well because you never realised just how deep your love runs. Seeing their side of things despite the hurt they have caused? Isn't that love at its purest? However, that makes you ache in pain as well. You loved him as your own. Only to realise that his love for you was merely an infatuation.

His love for you was shallow. 

You think it would have been better if he were an asshole whom you could just hate. It would have been easier for you because you'd know he wasn't worth your time. But how do you handle all of this when he's one of your closest friends? 

That's a question you'd probably need time to answer. You need time to let the stinging pain in your chest subside. You need time to let yourself process the silent heartbreak you're going through. 

With shaky hands and blurry vision, you block Taehyung. 

—--------------------------------------------------------

Last Friday of every month, all your colleagues go out to have dinner and drinks together. You enjoy accompanying them because honestly, it is nice and fun, almost like a little treat to yourself. However, this week, you're not really sure you'd like that. You don't have the energy to socialise.

One might argue that with recent events in mind, the best thing to do would probably be just that, to socialise, as it would take your mind off things that have been bugging you. But then you have always been the type who needs energy to socialise rather than the kind who energises themselves from socialising. 

You have almost completed packing your bag when someone taps on your shoulders. 

"You're coming with us today, right?" Shanaya queries, having a suspicious glint in her eyes as if she's already aware of your plans of not joining. 

Shaking your head softly, you confirm her suspicions. However, Shanaya is having none of that.

"You have to come," she insists, sounding determined. "It's my birthday treat."

You're thoroughly surprised at the information. "It's your birthday today? Oh my god, I'm so sorry–"

"It's not today, it's tomorrow," she cuts you off. "But tomorrow is off so it's an early birthday treat."

She looks at you with such pleading eyes that you cannot bring yourself to say no to her. Reluctantly you smile and the next thing you know, you're being wrapped in a warm hug. 

"Yay, thank you," she squeals, excited. "Now common, let's go."

As it turns out, today's destination is one stop away. Usually, you all go to someplace that's near and doesn't require transportation. However, Shanaya wanted to take all of you to a particular place that, according to her, serves the best dumplings and noodles. Who can say no to Shanaya, anyway?

As you sit there and wait with the others for the bus to arrive, you look at the screen with Taehyung's conversation open. 

It's only yesterday that you unblocked him. You were well aware that you'd be unblocking him and talking to him again at some point. The friendship was too precious for you to let go. And it's not something you're saying simply because you love him. If you were to look back, Taehyung has never been a bad friend to you. He's been there for you whenever you needed. He has never let you down when it comes to friendship. 

However, you doubt you're ready to talk to him just yet. That doesn't mean you don't want to.

There's just so much that you have to tell him. The little things that have occurred over the course of the two weeks that you had him blocked. Everything feels a little incomplete unless shared with him. 

Your fingers hover over his profile picture and you hesitate to click on it. He has uploaded a new profile picture and you wonder if it is too weird to just stare at it.

"Y/N?" 

The sound of your name startles you and while trying to hide your phone screen, you accidentally end up clicking on the small call button right next to the profile picture. 

Shit. Shit. Shit. 

You cut the call immediately and stare at the screen which now shows his name at the top of your call logs. He's gonna see a missed call from you, shit. 

"The bus is here, Y/N."

Oh right, that must be why Mike had called for you. You quickly gather your thoughts and get on the bus, shying away from the worried look Shanaya throws your way. 

When you get a seat on the bus, the first thing you do is shoot him a text. You indeed are not ready to talk to him but your accidental call has ruined your plans. 

You: I'm so sorry

You: i called you by mistake

You know it will probably be a while until he sees your call and your text and it's a good thing that you have your co-workers to accompany you. That way you'd be distracted enough to not fret about it unnecessarily. 

All of you get down when your stop arrives and make your way inside the small restaurant. 

The chatter and the giggles and the latest gossip about your boss is enough for you to temporarily ignore the sinking sadness that sits at the pit of your stomach. 

"Y/N, drinks?"

Your colleagues are well familiar with the answer to this question. You don't prefer drinking. The reason behind that, however, is not known to them.

Like the majority of people, you enjoy getting drunk and letting it loose. However, you're the kind of drunk who gets giggly and finds every little thing amusing. And for some reason, you feel comfortable to let that part of you out, only in the presence of a few people. Four, to be exact. 

One, your best friend. Two, Min Yoongi. Three, Lee Sana. And four, Kim Taehyung. 

Needless to say, you hardly ever get the chance to get drunk. 

The usual answer rests on the tip of your tongue, but there's also this desperation for you to let go of the heaviness. You really could do with some giggles and amusement.

"I'd probably have some whiskey," you reply with a shy unsure smile as your colleagues cheer.

The night somehow refuses to come to an end as you all soon find yourselves seated on the floor of Kate's apartment, in a circle. It starts off with some dancing and then Nitesh takes up the guitar and starts singing. He's a good singer, you can appreciate that and everyone's having fun with big smiles on their faces as they clap along with the beats. 

You have had three shots so far and for the love of god, you still feel that melancholy. It heightens when you realise you're sad in such a fun environment. Despite wanting to join them in their fun, your mind keeps wondering what it would be like if Taehyung were here. Gosh, it's been so long since the both of you have hung out and truthfully, it has never bothered you before. Whatever communication you two had was more than enough for you. Sharing the little details about your day, sending him silly stickers, all that held more meaning to you than he probably ever realised. That was much more intimate to you than anything physical.

You shake your head to yourself when you realise you're here being sad over a guy who wasn't even your boyfriend. It's so ridiculous. 

But then again, despite the lack of a label, you were loyal to him with your entirety.

Geez, the alcohol seemingly has made you more sensitive. 

"You sure are having fun," Shanaya comments. "I'm assuming the alcohol didn't help much?"

It doesn't take rocket science for someone to figure out that if a person who's never said yes to drinks before suddenly willingly says yes to them, there must be some pain they are trying to numb. 

"Surprisingly, no."

She hums. "Wanna talk about it?" 

Shanaya has asked this question to you multiple times over the span of the last few days. Never has it made you feel as if it's coming from a place where she is prying for details. It has only made you feel as if she's letting you know she's all ears, whenever you need her. Each time, you have shrugged as if it's not a big deal, as if it's not important enough for you to talk about. However, now, you really could do with a shoulder to cry on.

Hence, you vent and even amid all the noise and music, she intently listens to your words without interrupting even once. 

When you finish, she releases a heavy sigh. "That's what you meant when you said it was complicated."

You chuckle at the reminder of the response you had given to your then-new co-workers, to being asked about your love life. You were so cautious of hurting Taehyung, having no idea that it was going to be him, hurting you.

"Do you plan on being friends with him?" 

You don't miss the edge her tone has, as if she believes it's not worth it. Either that, or she thinks it's not possible to be friends with someone who's hurt you like that.

"I do," your reply is instantaneous. 

"Don't you feel angry?"

"I do," of course you are angry. It would be absurd if you were not. 

"Are you sure that is a good idea?"

You're not. You know the dynamic between you and Taehyung would never be the same again. Things would be different. You have now realised that things which meant a lot to you, perhaps never held the same meaning to him. The dynamic is bound to change. But is that good enough of a reason to cut your friendship off?

"He's only a human. People fall in love and sometimes, they fall out of love. I do not control the way he feels and when it comes to love, I don't think any of us have a control over who we fall for or when we fall," you release a sigh. Maybe it's all the more difficult for you because you still love him despite everything. "He's not in the wrong for falling for someone just because it's not me. I wish he would have not kept me in the dark but we all make mistakes, we all mess up."

"But more importantly, he's a friend first and he's always been an incredible friend to me. Now, I wouldn't be a good friend if I were to ever entertain the idea of making him choose between me and his happiness, would I?" 

She remains quiet for a moment, observing you closely. "Do you mean all that you said?"

You nod. 

She chuckles. "Well then, you have one of the purest hearts I have ever come across."

—--------------------------------------------------------

You were aware that there were unread texts from Taehyung but had refused to open them until morning. The night was exhausting and more than anything, you wanted to sleep. However, when morning came rolling, there was no avoiding opening his messages. 

Tae 🐻: why are you suddenly being so formal? 😂

Tae 🐻: it's completely fine.

Relief courses through your veins at his casual tone. You don't know how you'd have responded had he mentioned you blocking him seemingly out of nowhere. However, there's a small part of you that remains curious if he had even realised you blocked him. Nevertheless, you'd much rather put all of that behind you and move forward.

You: i was randomly scrolling through my phone and the next thing i knew, my phone was calling you 

Tae 🐻: lmao 

Tae 🐻: blame it on the phone, yes

You smile. Going back to being friends might not be that difficult. 

You two chat a bit and catch up with each other about things the both of you have been up to recently. You lose track of time as you make yourself a cup of tea, refusing to let your phone down, feeling excited at the thought of telling him about the things you have been up to. 

Tae 🐻: well i have something to tell you

You: uh oh

You: go on

Tae 🐻: so last day me and Bridget went on a date 

Tae 🐻: and things got steamy 👉👈

Tae 🐻: if you know what i mean

You very well know what he means.

Your stomach sinks in disappointment.

It's not because you're jealous or that the thought of Taehyung with someone else makes you feel disheartened, you have moved past that. Rather, you feel disappointed that he thought it was something appropriate to mention to you. 

Had it been anyone else in some other scenario, you'd have had no issue. Friends, close ones especially, tend to discuss these sorts of things, don't they? However, this is Taehyung and keeping the recent events in mind, he should not have mentioned it to you at all. Especially not when, his new relationship had made you feel as if he didn't bother to think of you, once. 

He keeps on going about how it was one of the best nights of his life but you don't find it in yourself to play pretend and entertain him. Although you don't directly ask him to stop, you don't reply to his texts either.

Tae 🐻: Y/N? 

The screen reads when he's done and probably upon the realisation that you haven't said anything for a long time. 

You: nice

Oh, how you wish technology was advanced enough for the text to be read aloud on his phone in a sarcastic tone.

You: let me tell you about yesterday

You: we went back to Kate's place 

You: and i got drunk simply because i was feeling low and sad and depressed and was looking for an escape 

You: but that didn't help, only enhanced what i was already feeling

You could have probably avoided saying this but then you wanted to say it. You don't know if he'll put two and two together but it's your own way of telling him that things are still sensitive.

Tae 🐻: you sound like a typical guy whose heart has been broken 😂 

A loud laugh escapes your lips. Gosh, is this the guy you have been crying over for weeks? 

Wow.

—--------------------------------------------------------

Taehyung has let you down, as a friend. More than once. 

A few days back, he'd asked if he could send you a poem that he'd written. You had always known he liked writing stuff and hadn't thought much of it. However, upon asking what it was about, he had replied 'newfound love'. Your reply to which had been, 'In that case, I'm not interested'. 

You didn't care how that sounded, you were not gonna put up with this bullshit just because it would be impolite. 

With each passing day and with each small incident where you feel as if your feelings are totally disregarded, your disappointment keeps growing. You really had not expected this kind of behaviour from Taehyung. 

One of the main reasons you had fallen for him was the way he seemed so emotionally wise. He was aware and attentive towards the people around him and was always kind. His recent attitude contradicts all of that.

There is a part of you that also recognises how his recent behaviour has made you detached. You could not say that the Taehyung you fell in love with and the Taehyung now, are the same. In a very twisted way, it made accepting the fact that there's nothing between the two of you, except friendship much easier. 

Tae 🐻: Y/N

Tae 🐻: I messed up. 

The text comes at around one in the morning. The only reason you're awake is the report that's due in two days. But the incoming text puts your fingers to a pause as worry clouds your senses. 

Is he okay? 

You: what happened? 

Tae 🐻: i messed up 

Tae 🐻: i feel so embarrassed

You: can you stop being vague? 

Tae 🐻: i sent a vm to Bridget of me singing TS 

You couldn't help rolling your eyes when you read the words. Huh, you should have seen it coming. 

Unlike other times, for some odd reason, you find yourself leaning towards the idea of entertaining him. Perhaps it's because you haven't had a proper conversation with him for a long time. And also perhaps, because you know this won't go on for long. 

You: so?

Tae 🐻: she is a huge TS fan 

Tae 🐻: she asked me to sing one of her favourite songs

Tae 🐻: and i cannot ever bring myself to say no to her

Tae 🐻: but like now that i listen back to the audio i sound terrible and i maybe did a British accent while singing

Understandably, you can see where he's coming from. The nervousness that comes with making a gesture for someone you adore and then feeling embarrassed about it, worrying whether they found it romantic or did you make a fool of yourself. And less than one month of being in a relationship is not enough to quieten the nervous jitters. 

So, you tell him what you would have, had it been any other friend. Upon further chatting you realise he genuinely feels like crawling inside a hole and never coming out. It doesn't surprise you, Taehyung has always been like that, going for the big gestures and self-doubt creeping in later.

You let yourself enjoy the normalcy and pretend that Taehyung is just another friend of yours and that he isn't someone who broke your heart.

—--------------------------------------------------------

Your phone has been buzzing and pinging since morning. Midnight to be specific. Birthday wishes have been flowing in with notes and gifs and with each message you feel more appreciated than you feel the rest three sixty-four days of the year. 

However, with each notification sound, there has also been that hope and expectation that maybe this one would be from Taehyung.

He had texted you a few days back reminding you of your upcoming birthday and although it's afternoon already, you don't really believe that he has forgotten the day altogether. 

When evening rolls around, you start growing sceptic. You squirm in your sofa, finally acknowledging that it's very well a possibility that your birthday might have slipped his mind. It makes you go back to the long, seven-hundred-word, letter he had written for your birthday, last year. 

The words make you smile.

Do you know how amazing you are? I don't think you do and it will be my job to make you see that.

Sometimes, I think I don't deserve you with how kind and loving you are but I'm so incredibly grateful for you that no amount of words would ever be enough.

I have never met someone like you, ever. 

Only a few lines from the massive paragraph that his greeting text was and the corner of your lips lift up. However, the moment is broken when you realise you're smiling. 

You shake your head as sadness fills you. You cannot let yourself recall old memories and feel the way they used to make you. It's not an option anymore.

Locking your screen, you sigh. You won't lie, you had really wanted a text from him. Anything that would show you that he still cares for you and the friendship between the both of you still held a chance. It's no wonder that you have been seeking some sort of reassurance after everything that he has done. 

It's around eleven at night that Taehyung's name first appears on your notification bar. You grin wide and open your text, glad to have been proven wrong and feeling stupid to have considered the idea of him forgetting your birthday. 

A link to a YouTube video.

Your grin disappears just as quickly and disappointment like nothing you have ever felt before, makes its way to your heart. 

You leave him on seen.

A day passes and you wonder if he will send at least a belated wish, apologising for not wishing you any sooner. But nope 

It's the day after that, the second day past your birthday when you check for any messages from him and you are led to his stories. It's slides of pictures of him and Bridget and the caption is him singing praises of her and telling the world how much in love he is because it's her birthday. 

That's your last straw.

It's probably a very small issue, forgetting birthdays and all. But to you, it's not. It just adds up to the pile of things that have made you feel like you were the only one who was taking into consideration the friendship that was at stake.

Plus, it cannot be that difficult to remember your birthday when his girlfriend's birthday is literally two days after yours. 

You have had enough. You need to walk out of Taehyung's life.  

Considering all that had made you fall for Taehyung, it's incredibly hard for you to believe that he doesn't know what he is doing and that he has forgotten basic decency. The option that was left with you, didn't make sense to you either because it implied he let you down intentionally. But the Taehyung you knew would never hurt a fly. 

It made you wonder if it was simply a result of his honeymoon phase that he had forgotten to consider how his actions could hurt people. Maybe he was too elated to think things through.  The empathetic part of you understood. But then you shook that away, knowing very well that if you were in his position, irrespective of how happy and high you were, you would never do that. 

Maybe you had realised that this was coming from the very day, he hadn't thought twice before mentioning his intimate moments with Bridget. But, boy oh boy, had you hoped to be wrong.

You had given him opportunities to prove you wrong, to give you a reason to stay but he only kept giving you reasons as to why you should leave.

It's an odd sensation that washes over you when you come to the conclusion that this isn't worth it anymore. 

You feel sad that the friendship is coming to an end. You're sure you'd miss his company and that there would be days when you mourn the friendship that once used to be. You know there would be times when you'd resent him and there would also be times when you'd feel angry at yourself for giving so much of you to him. 

But you won't ever regret your choice of leaving him. 

One thing this whole ordeal with Taehyung has made you realise is how deeply you love. How even in the midst of hurt, you were happy for him and how you saw and loved him for what he was and not for what he could be or for what he offered you. It made you take pride in the way you love. You gave him the purest form of love. 

A life where you and Taehyung are not friends, won't be your loss. It would be his. Irrespective of whether he realises that or not.

You feel oddly poweful with the knowledge that there was nothing lacking in your love and you'd never dishonour your love by staying where it isn't valued, appreciated and seen. 

But you also have a lot to say to him. You are not going to just block him and let him wonder why you did that. No, you'd tell him exactly why you left. 

—--------------------------------------------------------

It took you a couple of days to get down everything you wanted to say. There were times when you felt conscious of the ever-growing length of your letter and you had to shake off that feeling because this was going to be the last interaction between the both of you. Why stop yourself from saying everything you want to just because you're worried it'll be lengthy? 

You read the words one last time, wanting to make sure that you feel satisfied. 

Hello Taehyung, 

I hope you're doing fine. I wouldn't know how you're doing because we haven't had a proper conversation in quite some time. Or at least that is how it has felt to me. Nevertheless, I'm writing this because there's loads that I need to get off my chest. So, here we go.

When I saw you for the first time and we talked, I could feel you carried a lot of pressure on your shoulders. Almost like, you had something to prove, like you wanted to show that you weren't what you were perceived to be. Or maybe you wanted to prove that you were more than just what meets the eye. I didn't know what in particular. It felt like you wanted to be seen. 

And would you believe, I grew a soft spot for you? Do you know why? Because somewhere, I felt the same way too. 

I also knew we would be great friends, lol. You know how? Because I knew you had a heart of gold. You cared for others, you were thoughtful and kind. However, I could feel that you have a habit of being harsh on yourself and it didn't sit well with me. From the very first time we talked, I wanted to be a good friend to you, someone you could rely on, someone you could trust and someone who could possibly make you be a little less harsh on yourself. 

Perhaps with the weak spot, I also grew protective of you.

You were desperate for love and at the same time felt unworthy of it. I didn't know why though. I didn't know what had you believing so lowly about yourself. But then you told me about Kira, and it all made sense. 

It made sense why you felt unworthy and why you felt the need to prove that you were more than what others saw. Because, you believed Kira's words. You really thought you were unlovable. 

Instead of feeling the satisfaction of  being proved right, I felt so angry at Kira. I may have clawed her eyes out in my mind more than once. 

After learning the scars that she left on you, it only made me wish you could see yourself the way I do. I wished you could see that there was nothing you had to do to be loved except for just being you.

You may wonder why I'm suddenly saying all this. Well, let's just say it's necessary.

When you told me you were falling for me, I was surprised but then I felt myself feeling so warm at the thought of you liking me. It took me a few minutes to realise that I was falling for you too. 

But that was it. 

We never put a label on what we were and I was okay with it. Because I was okay with what we had, I never asked for anything because you were happy. You were also such a great friend, someone who I could talk to anything and everything about. What more could I ask for?

What's more? I could tell you were slowly coming out of whatever shell you were put in by Kira. I can't quite explain how it made me feel to see you smile more freely, to see you be more confident and be sure of yourself. But to put it lightly, it made me feel damn good lol.

I knew I had some part to play in it. I just didn't know that was the only part you wanted me to play. 

I moved past all that, trust me. You using my love as a rebound, making a girlfriend without even letting me know once, I moved past all that. Because, I trusted you when you told me you were confused and confusion is never intentional, is it? 

It hurt like a bitch to think that was all my love meant to you. But it was okay, you didn't mean to hurt me. You cared about me. You cared about our friendship. You valued it. 

Or so you said. 

I don't know if you meant it when you said it. But in case you did mean it, here are a few things not to do to the girl you used as a rebound and intend to keep the friendship with.

First, do not mention that you had sex with your new girlfriend. 

Second, do not be dumb enough to say "You sound like a typical guy whose heart has been broken" when you are the guy who's caused the damage. 

Third, do not send her the song you sang for your girlfriend and seek comfort to soothe the embarrassment you feel.

Fourth, do not ask her to read the poems you wrote for your girlfriend.

Fifth, do not forget her birthday when your girlfriend's is just two days later. 

These things didn't hurt me as much as it disappointed me. Would you believe, I laughed when you called me a typical heartbroken guy? When I got drunk the day before, my head was filled with thoughts of you and my heart was heavy with the knowledge that I was only a rebound. That day, even in the midst of alcohol, I chose our friendship over everything. I chose to forgive you. I chose to love you, still. But when you mentioned what you did, I just found it so funny to think that this was the guy I was thinking so much about and was so sad about. 

As it turns out, I'm not much fond of thoughtless people. 

But still, I hoped that somehow you'd give me a reason to stay. All you did, however, was turn a blind eye to my feelings and disrespected me.

If you were to ask me, whether my love for you is romantic or platonic, I wouldn't be able to tell. I have never sat and thought about it. All I know is I loved you, in one of the most unselfish ways possible. 

But that's not to say I don't realise how I deserve to be treated. And that's not to say that I'd stay somewhere where I'm an afterthought. 

When I said, I was happy for you and Bridget I really meant it and I hope you don't think that your relationship ever had a role to play in this decision of mine. It didn't, it was solely you that made me choose this option.

But this friendship of ours has run its course.

I would never disrespect myself by putting up with your disrespect. I loved you as long as you were worth it. But the moment you took my love for granted was the very moment you lost my respect and love, both. 

If you have made it to the end, then congrats! I didn't know if you'd read the whole thing but truth be told I don't particularly care about you reading it either. I wrote this for myself, not for you. 

Before I finish this long-ass letter, let me tell you something; you have lost one of the best people you'd ever meet in this lifetime. 

Thank you,

With Love,

The purest form.

Jeon Jungkook

His words echo in your mind and after an elongated pause, you find it in yourself to respond. “What do you mean?”

Jungkook gulps, hating how controlled your facial expressions are. In the months of knowing you, he has never seen you try this hard to hide your emotions. “Me and Niki are not actually a couple.”

“Thank you for rephrasing the sentence but I am afraid that it does not make things any clearer for me.”

Jungkook takes a sharp inhale and meets your eyes with uncertainty. “It’s just a PR stunt.”

It takes a few moments for the words to register but when they do, things start making sense, almost like puzzle pieces falling in place.

Namjoon’s hesitance in answering your question about the truth of their relationship. His lack of shock to the words you had heard Niki speak and most importantly, why Niki might have said those words. The whole relationship is not real to begin with.

“But, why?” The words leave your lips without your permission, before you’re able to catch them.

For a moment, he hesitates, wondering if it’s his place to say a few of the things he will have to, to make things clear.  But then he shakes off the worry, knowing Niki won’t mind.

“Both of our fandom, for some reason, ship us together. You know the whole ‘both are maknaes’ thing. Nevertheless, both of our companies thought it would be mutually beneficial for the two of us to put up this false act that we are dating.”

“How is it supposed to be mutually beneficial?” It doesn’t make sense to you. One of the oddest and most toxic traits of the kpop industry is how idols are expected to be loyal to their fans by remaining single. How then, a public relationship is supposed to garner anything except for unnecessary attention and hate?

“Niki is well, dating a youtuber. A female youtuber and pictures of them hanging out together didn’t take long to make it to the internet. Although at the beginning, everyone thought they were just good friends, soon there were questions as to whether it was just a simple friendship and well, people were not really happy with that idea,” he sighs, feeling tired just from thinking about everything that had led to this whole ordeal. “It wasn’t only about Niki dating a girl, it was also about her dating someone that wasn’t me. And of course, it was her girlfriend’s fault for coming between two people who are 'meant to be'. All of which ultimately made it incredibly difficult for the two of them to be at peace.”

You can imagine. The thought makes you sympathise with both of them. From Jungkook's words, it's clear the target was Niki’s girlfriend but you are sure it couldn’t have been easy for Niki to watch someone she loves hurt like that.

You understand Niki’s part of the deal. Putting up this font, would stop the threats and hate aimed at them but what was Jungkook supposed to get from this?

Jungkook looks at you and nods, acknowledging the unasked question. "When the offer first came, our company had turned it down, not seeing how it could benefit me. But I was the one who insisted and agreed."

"Why?" 

His discomfort grows and he swallows nervously, trying to gather his thoughts. "People are obsessed with me and Niki to the point where it's very predictable that they would hate it if someday I were to date someone who isn't her. I thought it would be good if we did this thing and people believed that we gave it a shot but it didn't work out. That way it would be one less thing I'd have to worry about while dating someone."

You put the thought behind of how it seems incredibly far-fetched and nod. He has answered your question about the nature of their relationship and why it was necessary. However, you still have a bunch of questions about a lot of things–starting with how crushed you felt when he moved you as Namjoon's make-up artist out of nowhere–but you do not wish to let them see the light of the day. 

Turning away, you start shuffling with some of the make-up products, indicating that the conversation is done. 

"Please say something," Jungkook pleads, tormented by your silence. 

"There's nothing more to say," you mutter, keeping away any emotion from being shown. 

"That can't be true."

You hate how sure he sounds. As if he is aware of every thought that's running in your head. As if he knows you a little too well. You absolutely despise how you might have believed the notion, once. Now, however, you do not want to. Because that'd mean he knew exactly how much hurt, his ignorance and pretence as if you don't even exist, caused you. 

"Y/N, please. We haven't talked for a long time. Please don't shut me out." 

Technically, you have two options. One, to keep ignoring him. Two, to snap at him and let every bit of your anger out. You had initially planned on sticking to option number one as it would make you look just as indifferent as Jungkook. However, now you find the option of letting words out without a filter, very appealing. 

"I know, I messed up but just talk to me–" the sound of a shaky exhale meets your ears, "–I miss spending time with you."

Well, that's some audacity. 

In the blink of an eye, you're facing Jungkook and taking several steps in his direction. You stop only a few steps away from him but you're close enough for him to notice the agony and pure rage storming through your eyes. 

"You better shut your mouth, Jeon." 

Jungkook flinches at your warning tone. However, he refuses to take the hint. "Y/N, ignoring me isn't going to solve–"

"Trust me, I'm not trying to solve anything," you speak through gritted teeth. "I'm just doing what I think is the right thing to do after someone disrespects you immensely."

"I wasn't trying to disrespect you," he claims, desperately trying to make you believe in something you don't buy for even a second.

"Yeah, ghosting me out of nowhere is not disrespecting me at all," your voice drops with sarcasm 

He feels his heart drop when you use the word 'ghosting'. Did you think that's what he did? Is that what it looked like? Gosh, this has all gotten messed up and he's the one to be blamed.

"I didn't ghost you," he mumbles, unable to look into your eyes and the sight of it causes all the pain that you had buried, to come to the surface. 

"Then please explain what it was," you voice waivers and you immediately hate yourself for showing weakness. "Please tell me what you thought you were doing by replacing me without even showing the basic decency to inform me that, yourself?"

He gulps, wondering if you'd even believe what he has to say. Even if you do, would you be willing to look past his stupidity?

"I found your note in my bag", you visibly flinch at the mention of the note. You had intentionally kept from mentioning your little confession, praying to whatever god is out there that somehow the note had been damaged before it reached the hands of the person they were meant to find. 

Jungkook notices your change of expression as it turns from hurt to embarrassed to anger and he despises himself for making you feel like that. "I had to make a quick decision and I didn't think you'd like to be my make up artist while I was fake dating Niki, especially without you having any knowledge about the fake part."

You stare at him blankly and try to process what he was saying. Did he–did he think he was doing you a favour by cutting you off?

You scoff, turn around and start packing your things with the intention of leaving the room. You're so done with this conversation.

When Jungkook understands your intention, he's quick on his feet and rushes to be right next to you. "Just give me the chance to explain myself fully."

You don't reply, your insides fuming.

"Y/N please," he begs. "Just hear me out once. Then I'll accept whatever it is that you decide for the both of us."

"I'm not gonna stand here and hear you speak utter bullshit that does nothing but let me down further."

Your voice comes with such a sense of finality that Jungkook knows, no matter how much he begs and pleads, you won't be giving him the opportunity to speak his side of things. 

Hence, he doesn't stop you when you walk past him and leave the room. But it only makes him more desperate for the day when you finally find it in your heart to give him a chance. Just one.

—-----------------------------------------------------

Jungkook has been persistent. Perhaps a little too persistent with his attempts to earn your forgiveness. Or at least that's what you assume the bouquets of flowers and little notes you find everyday at work are for. 

It's not only the flowers, it's also his constant texting and voicemails. His texts vary from a simple 'hi, what are you doing' to 'please, i miss you' and his voicemails have been a mix of him telling you about his day (something he used to do regularly when you were his makeup artist) to a more emotional version of his texts begging you to talk to him. 

You won't lie, his incessant pleadings have made you curious what more could he possibly have to say. What could be so different from what he has already said that he is so desperate? 

On one hand, you find an odd sense of satisfaction from not responding to Jungkook despite all his efforts. You don't know what that makes you but after the hurt and embarrassment you felt to the point where you had to numb yourself to block those emotions out, his tries and attempts feel like an ointment to your wounds. On the other hand, however, is a voice nagging you as to how, this cannot go on for long. The huge bouquets that wait for you everyday are soon going to catch attention and if anyone were to catch a hint of who it is from…gosh, you don't want to imagine that.

But when you will find it in yourself to have a conversation with him, still remains unknown. All you know is whenever that will be, it will be solely because you don't want word to go out. Yes, that's all it will be. 

Today when you walk into Namjoon's dressing room, there's another bouquet waiting for you. The sight of it causes you to sigh. You don't know what Namjoon thinks of this but you're thankful that he hasn't mentioned it yet. That however, made it quite clear that he has some idea as to who they are from.

You let the flowers be where they are. You have never really taken them home or put them in water, afraid that it would be interpreted as you being accepting of his efforts, when you're far from it. You're still hurt and angry. 

If anything, sometimes you despise walking into a room full of flowers as they serve as a reminder of the thoughts you had before confessing to him. You remember thinking how confessing felt like putting a delicate unbloomed flower in someone's hand and whether the bud gets to bloom or not, depends on the person you're confessing to. 

If only you had known of the thorns you would be exposed to, back then, you'd never have confessed. 

The door swings open softly and Namjoon walks in. "Good morning, Y/N."

"Good morning," you greet him back with a smile. 

"So what's on card for today?" He asks before taking his usual seat. 

"There's nothing much for today, just rehearsals and then you have a v-live," you mumble. "But firstly I need to do your weekly facial."

He huffs. "Is it the one that requires you putting a lot of slimy stuff on my face and it stays on for like thirty minutes?" 

"Yep," you reply with a light laugh. Despite what he says, you have learnt that Namjoon quite enjoys his facial sessions. Unlike a certain someone. 

Your smile falters and your sudden change of mood doesn't go unnoticed by Namjoon. 

"Have you considered speaking to Jungkook?" He asks after a brief moment of silence. 

You're taken aback by his words. Namjoon has always avoided speaking on the matter. He has never even queried as to what you do with the flowers. Hence, his direct way of questioning has you fumbling with words. 

"I d–haven't," you change your wording, fearing 'I don't want to', might just be a little too rude. 

However, your choice of answer is put to vain with the very next question he asks. "Do you want to?" 

"I don't want to," you softly shake your head, mildly afraid how Namjoon will interpret it.

He simply nods, without any trace of judgement. "I'm not saying this because I'm picking sides, but I have known Jungkook since he was a kid and I can tell that he really is sorry. 

"Whether to forgive him or not, is completely on you. But put a little trust on him that he must have some reason behind doing what he did. Just hear him out once."

You keep quiet, unsure what to say. Thankfully, Namjoon understands that and soon changes the topic of conversation to something more light-hearted. 

Hours later, when everything comes to a close and it's time for you to leave, you find yourself hesitating. Namjoon's words simply refuse to leave your mind. Put a little trust in him. How can you, when he's let you down in every way possible? When he has betrayed your trust in ways that still keep hurting you? 

You gulp when you realise there's probably no end to the hurting until you have a chat with Jungkook and hear his side. At least, that way you will know his reasoning behind everything and it will hopefully stop your self loathing for putting the note in his bag. Even if all he gives is excuses, you'd at least have the satisfaction of having heard him out. Later maybe a week, or a month from now, when your emotions subside, you wouldn't have this unscratched itch of not knowing what he had to say. 

Maybe, maybe it's for the best that you talk to him.

—-----------------------------------------------------

"Come in," Jungkook calls out in response to the knock at his door and is visibly surprised when you walk in. He quickly gets up from his seat, stuffs his phone in his pocket and with a nervous voice asks, "would you like some coffee?"

You shake your head. You're not here for coffee. "No, thank you. I'm here to talk to you."

He nods as his nervousness spikes. This is what he has wanted and hoped for so long, but now that you're here, he doubts you will believe him. What if you don't? Even worse, what if you do and still don't forgive him?

The both of you get seated and your fingers anxiously play with the strap of your handbag. "What is it that you have been wanting to tell me?"

Jungkook sighs. Pushing the nervousness away, he knows that the only thing in his power is to tell you his side of things. Otherwise, he's powerless. 

"For the things I said last day, to make sense, I would have to mention that I like you," he cannot find it in himself to look at you as he says that. "I've liked you for a long time."

The words take you by surprise, and your mouth parts in shock. The shock then morphs into disbelief and denial. He did not just confess to liking you.

"But it's never that simple when you're a famous K-pop idol," something bitter coats his words and he looks defeated. "The consequences of dating me, is something that one doesn't realise until they face it for themselves."

Jungkook has grown a thick skin. But you? He doesn't want you to be someone who ever has to go through things that require you to build a thick skin. He doubts he will ever forgive himself if he were to see you beaten up by harsh words and constant criticism, all because of your association to him.

"I wanted to tell you how I felt but just the sheer terror of what you may have to go through, kept me from doing so," an unwanted shiver runs through his body when he recalls the moments where the fluttering in his chest would always be accompanied by a heavy sinking in his stomach. "It wasn't my choice to stress about these things but I couldn't help myself considering that associating with me had consequences."

Your face falls with each word that leaves his lips. 

"It was choosing between giving into my feelings and listening to logic. I tried to be logical and practical for as long as I could. Until, I just couldn't," a humourless chuckle escapes his lips. "I remember thinking that I just need to tell you how you make me feel."

He doesn't voice how there was a part of him that had wished you'd not reciprocate his feelings. That way, even after his sheer selfishness, things would be fine. 

"It was around the time I decided on confessing to you, that I learnt about the proposition from Niki's agency. Call me incredibly stupid but I thought if I did this, I'd at least do something instead of sitting and dreading with my hands tied." Jungkook shakes his head, finding it cruel that even after all this, he somehow managed to mess everything up. 

Your mouth parts unknowingly when the pieces click. Jungkook's decision to date Niki for the cameras, didn't come out of nowhere and it wasn't as far-fetched as you thought. His decision had come from a place of anxiety where he felt powerless. 

"But then I found that note," he cannot help but recall that day fondly. He felt like a kid and often found himself smiling, looking into the mirror. However, that joy was soon wiped off when the situation sank in. "I was so excited and happy, but then I realised that I had already agreed to date Niki."

You hardly blink as Jungkook speaks and due to that, you don't miss the way a smile appears on his lips. But it's gone as soon as it appears, as if he catches himself slipping and reprimands himself for it. It makes you consider the possibility if he was receptive to your confession in a positive way. 

"I didn't know what to do, I couldn't imagine letting you know that I felt the same but then going out and holding another woman's hand. Even if it's for the cameras, it's–," he closes his eyes shut as if pained, "–it's horrible."

"I couldn't do that but I also needed to make a quick decision. I thought the only way to go about things was to postpone answering your confession. After the announcement of the breakup with Niki, I thought I could talk to you then and clear things out. At that moment, that was the only option that made sense to me."

His words take you back to the day when you were filled with nervous excitement only for it to be replaced with dread and heartbreak when you learnt that Jungkook had replaced you as his makeup artist, just like that. 

"It was stupid, I know," he mutters in a small voice. "I don't have anything to say in my defence except for admitting that I messed things up and I didn't realise what it must have looked like to you, until it was too late." 

He paused for a few moments, looking exhausted. "I-I am sorry for everything. I know it's hard to believe but hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do. I really just wanted to make things right. If you can, please, forgive me."

You sense that to be the end of everything Jungkook had to say. The way he looks at the floor and refuses to look at you, makes you want to comfort him. But your feelings are too muddled, you're too confused and there's a lot that you have learnt that has left you surprised. You don't think you're in the state of mind to make decisions now. 

"Thank you for telling me everything," you keep your voice soft. It gives Jungkook the courage to finally look up at you and his breath hitches when he realises you aren't looking at him with your gaze filled with hate and pain. It gives him hope. "But I need some time to process everything." 

Jungkook nods, knowing that's the best he can ask for at the moment. He's relieved that you aren't dismissing his words and feels incredibly grateful that you are taking time to think things through. He knows that you taking time is more for yourself than for him, but there's a hint of a promise that this is not the end of the conversation, that you'll talk to him again. And that's more than anything Jungkook can ever ask for.

—-----------------------------------------------------

The last few days, your mind has been completely occupied with Jungkook's words. Not only his words but also the way he looked refuses to leave your mind. You couldn't find it in yourself to doubt his genuineness and the fact that he was feeling terrible, was displayed in green neon lights. 

You had to remind yourself repeatedly that it isn't only about how he feels. You should cater to your feelings and figure out what to do next. 

There was also the new revelation that Jungkook liked you. Quite honestly, you didn't know what to do with that information. The whole conversation was melancholic and it must have rubbed off on you for you didn't feel the joy one usually does on learning that their crush likes them back. 

Everything was quite confusing. So much so, that it had taken an entirety of five days for you to sort out your thoughts and approach Jungkook. 

He sits across from you in a pale blue shirt and black trousers, his body language screams that he's nervous and oddly enough it comforts you to know that you aren't the only one feeling that way. 

"After learning everything, I couldn't help but wish you had communicated before. It would have saved the both of us a lot of hurt," you begin with a sombre tone, feeling your heart hurt at the constant overthinking you have had to go through. "Things might have been simpler that way." 

"I know," Jungkook nods, not having a single word to defend himself with. 

You look at him a moment longer wondering if he would try providing  you with a reason for his lack of communication. When he doesn't, you're confused how you're supposed to perceive it. 

On one hand, you'd have liked for him to actually have a proper reason. On the other, you're sure Jungkook is aware of his mistakes and his lack of response somehow gives the impression that he's owning up to everything without making excuses. 

"But what's done is done and there's no changing it," you continue after a small sigh. "It's for the best that we move on from it."

Jungkook's heart shrinks. By moving on do you mean just never acknowledging the feelings you both share for each other? That's exactly what comes to his mind because you feeling the same way you did, despite the hurt he has caused you, sounds too good to be true. He cannot be shameless either to ask you about it directly. He will take whatever you will give him. 

Instead, he asks a question which he knows would eat him alive if he doesn't voice it. "Can you forgive me?" 

"I wouldn't have asked for the both of us to move on, if I hadn't already," and then you do something that makes Jungkook feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off from his chest. You smile at him.

Forgiving Jungkook wasn't easy. You wanted to hold on to the anger because your pride was hurt and most importantly, you were scared of getting hurt again. But then you also had to think through things logically. 

Jungkook has never had it easy with fame. Nothing could have ever prepared him for the way he has always been under scrutiny and his sudden loss of control over his own life. With time, he learnt that it was for the best to not pay attention to the people who weren't even familiar with him. 

He could overlook and turn deaf to the hate that's thrown his way. However, his loved ones being targeted is something that fills him with guilt to an inexplicable amount. You have seen it yourself. 

The incident isn't that old. A year back, Jungkook had gone out with a bunch of his childhood friends. He was pictured closing the car door for one of them, who so happened to be a girl. That one single shot was enough for the media and internet to decide there must be something more than platonic going between the two. 

You remember the way Jungkook was so troubled and absolutely heartbroken with the hate and threats that were aimed at his friend, for something so simple and it was visible to everyone that he blamed himself for it.

You cannot imagine what kind of stones would be thrown at you if word got out. The information that you're his makeup artist would be a cherry on top. Gold digger, witch, slut, whore; some of the less colourful terms. 

Seeing the way Jungkook suffered, it made sense why he would be so scared to be open about his feelings. You could imagine yourself feeling the same way had it been you being in his place. Seeing someone you care for, getting hate that they absolutely don't deserve, is painful enough for one to believe that it's for the best to keep distance. 

You also imagined what you would have felt had Jungkook admitted his feelings and had told you about the fake dating. Yes, you'd have the knowledge that there was nothing real between him and Niki. However, you'd also have to see them all over the internet and watch people go on and on about how perfect they are. You'd be aware that Jungkook likes you, but you'd also be bitter about how the beginning of your relationship is marked with him publicly dating someone else. It's not exactly a nice feeling. 

One could argue that the way events have turned out, they aren't perfect either. But there's nothing going on between Jungkook and you. At least, not yet. 

That's one thing that you both need to talk about and you really want to clear out everything, at once. Who knows what miscommunication would occur if things were left unsaid, again? 

"I would never intentionally hurt you, Y/N,"Jungkook squirms a little in his seat, ignoring the absence of the weight that has been eating him alive for days. He thinks you're going easy on him and he thinks he doesn't deserve it. 

"I am choosing to trust your words," you reply, having a sense of the turmoil Jungkook seems to be going through. The fact that he is always hard on himself is not unknown to you. "All I ask from you is to not break my trust. And for you to accept that you do not have to burden yourself with responsibilities."

Jungkook knows it's hard for him to not feel like there's always a bunch of responsibilities on his shoulder. Especially when one moment of misjudgement can cause irreversible damage. Despite that, he feels a sense of warmth spread throughout his body at your words. 

"I'll try."

You shoot Jungkook another smile; the second one this evening and he can't help but think that you should really stop giving him hope.

"There's one more thing that we need to talk about," your cheeks turn red and much like Jungkook earlier, it's your turn to squirm in your seat. "You said something about liking me."

You feel awkward at the choice of your words but then you aren't brave enough to start by mentioning your note of confession. 

Jungkook's eyes turn as wide as saucers and his whole face flushes to match the shade of your cheeks. He really wasn't expecting for you to bring it up. "Umm yeah," he nods. 

You feel a spark of impatience and annoyance at his short response. You took it upon yourself to bring the topic to the table and he cannot just spill everything, already? Why make it more difficult for you? 

"Yeah…..so?" You look at him with your brows raised, trying your best to ignore the way you feel like a three year old shy girl, on the inside. 

"I–I do like you," he stutters and looks away, for the umpteenth time, unable to meet your eyes. 

Your heart takes a fucking long jump. Who would have thought Jeon Jungkook would be so shy about admitting his feelings? 

"What should we do about it?" You intentionally use the 'we' for Jungkook to catch the hint that you want to do something about it. 

But of course, he doesn't. 

He speaks sullenly, "I have lost the right to have a say in the matter." 

"I want you to have a say in the matter. Tell me, Jungkook, what do you want?" You refuse to let go of the conversation and for Jungkook to let his guilt swallow him. He messed up, there's no denying that. But you could always acknowledge the fact that his heart was in the right place. 

Feelings of frustration makes his throat clogged up . "I just want to go back and redo things in a different way."

"That's not possible. What do you want to do now?"

He knows what he wants but voicing it, feels being ungrateful towards your forgiveness. It feels like he's being greedy. "What I do want, feels like too much to ask for."

"You'll never know until you ask for it." 

He sighs and reminds himself that you're asking him about the romantic feelings he has admitted to harbouring towards you. He reminds himself to not be selfish and make it about his guilt. If you want to know, he will tell you and he will be honest about it. 

"I want to be with you," his admission is made in a small voice but it doesn't hide the clarity his words have. 

Your breath hitches and you feel the soft pitter patter of your heart that you had missed when he admitted his feelings for you the first time around. 

"When does this fake relationship of yours end?" 

"A month from now."

You nod. "A month from now, take me out on a date and we will see."

Jungkook's eyes snap to yours, not having expected you to speak those words. You shoot him a small smile before getting up and leaving the room. 

—-----------------------------------------------------

SIX MONTHS LATER

"I swear to god, if you don't stay still, I'll intentionally ruin your makeup."

Your threatening low tone goes in through one ear and comes out of the other. "You could never do that."

"Don't test my limits."

A pout makes its appearance. "But that's my favourite thing to do."

You sigh in both astonishment and in love. 

How do you manage to repeat the same routine with the same man everyday and never get tired of it? Maybe it has everything to do with the way your heart keeps stuttering around this man.

No, the man sitting in front of you, is not the global superstar Jeon Jungkook. 

The man sitting in front of you is your boyfriend, Jungkook. 

The official tag on your relationship was put four months ago, after a month of going out on dates. When you say going out, you mean staying in the hybe building and arranging dates in as innovative a way as one can. 

The month in which Jungkook had to pretend to be Nikki's boyfriend only proved to you why it would have been difficult for you had you and Jungkook actually been a thing at the time. It was already painful and as petty and irrational as it may sound, it also made you jealous when you would see articles of the two of them. You're not quite sure how humilated you would have felt if you two were to be dating at the time and to see people comment on how they are a match made in heaven.

That one month, for Jungkook, was a mix of everything. The beginning of the month came with constant doubts and shame where he wondered what he should do when the month is up. He wanted you but he didn't really think he deserved you. But then he had to make up his mind; he made a mistake and he always acknowledged that but it would be so incredibly foolish if he were to let that stop him from being with you. After a week or so, he had made up his mind. He messed up, but boy if he wasn't going to make up for it.  

That whole month was spent with him brainstorming ideas on how he can show his sincerity and be a better man. Somewhere along the line, he had opened up to Niki about it and there's just a hundred percent chance that if he's smiling wide in one of those paparazzi pictures, he's talking about you.

Jungkook has been nothing but the best boyfriend you could have ever asked for. Any hurt or doubt was washed away soon after the both of you started going out. Being with Jungkook was so much more than you could have ever imagined. 

A month after being together, you were back as Jungkook's make-up artist. It was the best way to go about it as it would keep the both of you away from suspicious eyes and give the both of you ample amount of time to spend with each other. 

You both are aware that at some point, you'd have to inform the agency of the nature of your relationship as that'd be better than them finding it out from other sources. You're not quite sure what would be left of your job, but Jungkook seems quite sure that you won't be fired and that the members together, would somehow manage the higher authorities to make their rules more flexible. 

Jungkook isn't worried about the consequences with hybe, but he still finds himself stressing about the day the news becomes public. That is where you reassure him, that whatever happens, you both will get through it, together. You also remind him to not fret about it too much, because there's a long way to go before things are made public. For the time being, it's just the two of you. 

"No wait, that's actually my second favourite thing," Jungkook corrects himself. "My top favourite might just be kissing you."

You fight the blush trying to make an appearance and ask, "might?"

"The last time you kissed me was ten minutes ago. Forgive me for forgetting what it was like to be kissed by you."

As cute and adorable as Jeon Jungkook might be in front of the cameras, you have recently learned that he's just as sly and playful when he wants to be. 

"Will you stay still if I kiss you?" 

"Kiss me first and then you shall have your answer." 

So you do. 

Your soft lips are welcomed eagerly by his and they move against each other, tenderly without a hint of rush. Your breaths mingle and soft sighs escape as your hands get tangled in his hair. 

When you part, there's only a hair's gap between the two of you, "So what's the verdict?" 

Jungkook's doe eyes appear dazed as he looks at you. "Well my brain has turned into a mush, so you can totally expect me to stay still."

You giggle and the sound of it warms Jungkook's heart like nothing ever has. 

------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: i was so anxious about making this so long especially the Taehyung part but then the Taehyung part is something that happened to me irl, so i also just wanted it to be as real as possible. For Jimin, it just didn't feel right for the reader to agree to go out or be with Jimin without him earning it. But then, it also didn't quite fit in this reaction thing, if that makes sense? If y'all want some good ol' grovelling from this Jimin in a one-shot i will see what I can come up with 😉.

That being said, let me know what you thought of this! (This really was a lot of work, so your words would be greatest source of encouragement and achievement for me). Also, if you like my work and wish to have access to all my works before anyone else, here's my patreon!

Hope you enjoyed reading this!

[curryshesus]

bts fics that radiate sheer utter brilliance

(aka my favorite fics of all time) pt. 1

hello, hello! please make sure to show your love and support to these lovely authors if you enjoyed any of these reads as much as i did <3 note: all of these fics contain nsfw content (minors dni please). enjoy!

➺ the road to you - by @bonvoyagenoona

| ot7 x reader (tae focus) | 110k

au of all aus, best friend!taehyung, high school boyfriend!jimin, professor!yoongi, college boyfriend!jungkook, art enthusiast and city heartthrob!namjoon, barista!hobi, actor!jin, angst, fluff, smut, series

>>summary: "armed with your quick wit, creative passion, talent for storytelling, and innate understanding of your fanbase, you have met every challenge, surpassed every goal, and achieved the unimaginable. despite the earth shifting erratically under your firmly planted feet, you’ve always had a plan. you’ve made peace with the sacrifices you’ve had to make, and you’ve long forgotten the rejections and heartbreaks that came as a result. your agent keeps reminding you that you’re at the precipice of something new, that your audience is waiting for your next project with bated breath. this is usually when you thrive. so why do you feel so lost? and who can you count on from your past to help you find your way?"

➺ matilda - by @babystrcandy

| yoongi x reader | 141.8k

brother’s best friend au, f2e2f2l, slice of life, angst, fluff, eventual smut, series

>> summary: "loneliness had always been a constant for you, haunting you like a ghost; until your older brother’s best friend, min yoongi, came into your life. you both promised each other something back then - you’d always have his support and he’d always have yours. but with time and age, you weren’t sure how much that all still stood to be true."

➺ bitchin' - by @kinktae

| jungkook x reader | 49.5k

1980’s au, inspired by to all the boys i’ve loved before, e2l, fake lovers/college au, frat boy!jungkook, smut, series

>> summary: "the 80s were a time of choices. which perm was right for you? what color neon would you wear next? none of these choices, however, were more questionable than a certain deal you made with jeon jungkook."

➺ flower - by @readyplayerhobi

| hoseok x reader |

online dating au, fluff, future angst, future smut, series

>> summary: "you finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the flower dating app. one of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. what happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

➺ suncity - by @jamaisjoons

| hoseok x reader | 17k

strangers to lovers au, vacation au, angst, fluff, smut, oneshot

>> summary: "when you’d taken a spontaneous trip to barcelona, you hadn’t expected to meet hoseok. more than that, you hadn’t expected to begin a torrid affair with him."

➺ idealizations concerning real life relations - by @venusiangguk

| jungkook x reader | 40.9k

fuckboy!jk x hopeless romantic!oc, s2l, fwb, smut, angst, oneshot

>> summary: "jungkook loves to be loved, but he doesn’t love in return."

➺ peach parfait - by @jamaisjoons

| seokjin x reader | 19k

enemies to lovers au, fluff, smut, slight angst, two parts

>> summary: "you and seokjin have always been at odds as the top two chefs at big hit academy of culinary arts."

➺ tell me no lies - by @jeongi

| jungkook x reader | 15.1k

ceo au, criminal au, robbers au, angst, smut, minimal fluff

>> summary: "you chose to rob your boss, however; you never expected to fall in love with him."

➺ concrete king - by @bratkook

| jungkook x reader | 16.7k

sweet summer romance, fluff, smut, himbo energy, two parts

>> summary: "when a cute boy in a tacky hawaiian shirt lands a trick in your honor there's no way you could ever say no to him."

[moonchild1]

min yoongi fic rec list (Ⅴ)

hi guys it's been a minute since i posted it's been hectic i recently got a promotion so that's been taking up my time but here's another list of my favourite yoongi fics honestly reading them was so much fun and made me feel happy so i hope you enjoy them as much as i did. remember to please show lots of love and support to these incredible authors and creators and their blogs, don't forget to give them a follow , leave a heart, reblog or leave a kind message i know they will appreciate hearing from you, these fics contain smut so no minors interact feel free to send and share any fics you are currently into and would like to share with me i would love hearing from you guys

a- angst s- smut f- fluff

series

love lockdown by @personasintro f s a (enemies to lovers zombie apocalypse)

belong by @ahundredtimesover f s a (exes au basketball yoongi summer love au)

in the margins by @bonvoyagenoona f s a (enemies to friends to lovers slow burn)

look down on me like that by @here2bbtstrash s a (enemies/coworkers to lovers slow burn)

andante cantabile by @kkulfm-2 f s (regency au unrequited love slow enemies to lovers pianist yoongi)

match made in hell by @ughcore  f s a (arranged marriage doctor au rivals to lovers)

only yesterday by @borathae f s a (strangers to lovers)

dating advice by @taleasnewastime f s a (strangers to lovers)

the deal by @untaemedqueen f s a (strangers to lovers gang/cartel au)

matilda by @babystrcandy f s a (brother's best friend unrequited love)

down the hall by @jjungkookislife s a (brother's best friend)

ink nemesis by @scriptaed f a (fake dating au)

unexpected lovers by @jjkeverlast f s a (fake dating artist yoongi)

love is a dog from hell by yourlocalhoney (ao3) f s a (love triangle friends with benefits) ft.Jungkook

petals by @yoonia f (parents au)

pink bird houses by @54daysormore f a (single dad au)

everytime by @deathbyyoongx f s a (fuckboy exes au)

desolate by @angelicyoongie f s a (hybrid au)

one-shot

first-date bait by @jimlingss f (strangers to lovers)

↬first-date bait drabble @/jimlingss s (strangers to lovers)

wallflowers by @bonvoyagenoona s (strangers to lovers)

shirt by @bonvoyagenoona s a (one night stand idol au)

sugar by @zehakoo f s (ceo au strangers to lovers neighbours)

radio sweethearts by @helenazbmrskai s (brother's best friend college au slow burn)

tongue like candy by @jjungkookislife s a (brother's best friend age gap)

auburn skies by @persphonesorchid f s a (brother's best friend)

black and white by @akinnie75 f a (slow burn)

always & forever by @sugakookitty f s (established relationship wedding au)

hard liquor by @chateautae s (boss x employee age gap)

sweetener by @taegularities f s (enemies to lovers fwb au fuckboy)

soft spot by @cultleaderyoongi f (first date)

↬sweet spot by @/cultleaderyoongi f s (established relationship)

sticks & stones by @xpeachesncream f s a (friends to lovers ex friends with benefits pinning au)

fuck being friends by @strawberrynamjoon f a (friends to lovers college au)

the seventh muse by @wwilloww f s (friends to lovers)

tell me what you want by @/wwilloww f s (friends to lovers)

yoongi’s lullaby by @jiminrings f a (unrequited love friends to lovers soulmate au)

illicit favors by @yoongiofmine f s a (friends to lovers)

snow blanket by @yoonieper f s (friends to lovers)

a wager of lords & love @hisunshiine s (regency au arranged marriage)

an empty home by @7deadlysinsfics s a (arranged marriage) ft. Taehyung

the nanny diaries by @btsgotjams27 f (single mom roommate au)

the good part by @introlxv s (roommate au)

handyman by @borathae s a (rebound au roommate au)

peaches in bed by @/borathae s (domestic au husband au)

don't hold hands by @whatifyoulivelikethat s ( friends with benefits roommate au)

by the time i've figured out what it's worth by @ugh-yoongi f s a (marriage au)

swing life away by @aphrodijin f s a (marriage au)

the little things by @kth1 f s (boyfriend au)

fxck a fxckboy! by @yoongifis s (fuckboy)

cupid's curse by @ressjeon s a (first love au)

dawned in by @aquagustd f s (dilf yoongi)

bad things by @yoonia s a (escort au pining)

close call by @xjoonchildx (mafia au)

↬looking for other myg fics or the other bts members check out my library

[captain-joongz]

fanfiction recommendations/my favourite reads in 2023

♤ in pursuit of wedded bliss by @fantasyescapes17

regency au, each members has his own story, but they're interconnected

choi seungcheol

◇ push it down (sooner or later it all comes out) by @dontflailmenow

camboy!seungcheol, ex's best friend!seungcheol, enemies to lovers

♧ down bad (so so bad) by @lovelyhan

idol!seungcheol x pet sitter!reader

☆ always only you by @honeyhotteoks

brother's best friend!seungcheol, friends to lovers

♤ caught in a trap by @cheolism

brother's best friend to lovers au

kim mingyu

☆ a sheep in wolf's clothing by @rubyreduji

virgin!mingyu x experienced reader

♤ creep by @smileysuh

serial killer!ghost!mingyu, touch starved!mingyu, halloween fic

ot8

◇ skz drabble by @leviackermanscleaningbuddy

a/b/o, cnc, primal play

♧ sharing = caring by @cbini

bf!chan sharing you

☆ camcorder by @tasteracha

bf!minho x reader x chan, a little pervy chan

♤ five for five by @bh-archive

chan x hyunjin x hongjoong x san x juyeon x reader

◇ some things are better left unknown by @roseykat

chan x felix x reader, threesome

lee minho

♧ dilf!minho by @cinhomi

dilf!minho x baby sitter!reader, breeding kink, pregnancy talk

bang chan

☆ bad idea by @hyunsvngs

step dad!chan, getting together, infidelity

hwang hyunjin

♤ dressing down by @jl-micasea-fics

best friends to lovers, mutual pining

lee felix

◇ best friend felix by @ddyskz

best friends to lovers, fluffy smut

♧ felix + thigh riding by @straykeedz

☆ cockwarming by @dreaming-medium

coworkers au, secretary!felix, office sex

ot7

♤ shadows we trust by @remedyx

supernatural au, mystical creatures!bts, dark circus au

◇ masked miracles by @remedyx

hybrid!bts, detective!reader

♧ stay alive by @staytinyville

mythical creatures!bts, supernatural au

☆ trouvaille by @spookyserenades

hybrid!bts, witch!reader, supernatural au, some horror themes

♤ eternally theirs by @imnotlauriane

dragon!bts, soulmates au, knights au

◇ the lucky seven by @riphobisbraces

hybrid!bts, princess!human!reader

♤ emerald gem by @sweetlyskz

hybrid!bts, reader has a farm, strangers to lovers

♧ oh, little red by @jincherie

wolf!yoongi x reader x wolf!jimin, red riding hood au

min yoongi

☆ celestial ruin by @remedyx

fallen angel!yoongi x angel!reader, corruption arc

♤ fxck a fxckboy by @yoongifis

fuckboy!yoongi x smartass!reader

kim taehyung

◇ isn't that what brothers do? by @aris-ink

step brother!taehyung, forbidden romance, dub con

♧ black swan by @aris-ink

step dad!taehyung, manipulation, corruption, cheating

☆new flame by @gimmethatagustd

alpha!taehyung x omega!reader, heat sex

jeon jungkook

♤ family secrets by @aris-ink

step brother!jungkook, dry humping

◇ icarus by @aris-ink

step brother!jungkook, risky/sneaky sex

♧ close by @aft3rhrs

step brother!jungkook, forbidden romance

choi soobin

☆ let's play a game by @anyamaris

soobin x reader x yeosang (ateez), friends to lovers, primal play

♤ closed doors by @last-words-ofashootingstar

soobin x reader x hongjoong, idol au, obsessed!soobin

◇ super shy! by @fairyofshampgyu

shy virgin baker!soobin x experienced reader

♧ i &lt;3 nerds by @enha-cafe

nerdy!soobin secretly a sex god au

multiple members

☆ drippin' by @ncteez

'00 line x reader, friends to lovers, birthday orgy

♤ cookie jar by @neopuppy

step brothers!jeno and jaemin x reader, stuck in a dryer au

♧ sos by @neopuppy

a/b/o, sex pollen au, pollen induced heat/rut

lee jeno

☆ shameless by @neopuppy

step son!jeno x step mom!reader, infidelity, very dub con

♤ hand kink by @jaylaxies

roommates au, hand kink

lee mark

◇ i can help by @recklessmark

step dad!mark, corruption, manipulation, infidelity

ATEEZ rec list pt. 1 | pt. 2

[kookslastbutton]

prove it to me ༓ jjk (m)

✑ Summary: "I'm not your baby Jungkook. Remember that." Those are the words you say right before jumping into a one night stand with Jeon Jungkook, the man who's constantly annoying you with his college fling stories. You decide maybe just this once you'll play into his game and prove that he's no more average than the rest.

Pairing: fuckboy!jungkook x fem!reader

AU/genre: PWP, smut, humor, fluff, one-sided e2l, friend of friends, oneshot (for now?)

Rating: M, 18+

Word Count: 5.3k+

Warnings: arguing, swearing, sexual tension, denial of feelin’s, kook’s kind of an @$$ but he got some truth to him, oc's jaded & not buying into kook's bs, myg being a good friend then ditching lmao, kook likes calling oc petnames, kook is bunny boy

sexually explicit content: dom!jk, switch sub!reader, semi-awkward first kiss, unprotected s*x (pls stay safe everyone!!), teasing, foreplay, dirty talk, some manhandling, rough sex, t*itty suck, f*ngering, penetration, cunnilingus, doggy, multiple orgasms (f. receiving), kooks calls her pretty girl, some degradation/dumbification (sl*t calling) & oc has bit of an actual dumby moment but she's still fairly rigid, but not a full brat? Lmao idk

Now playing: Monster in me, Breakfast, LOUD

A/N: ahdjsj?c it's here! 👉👈 a thousand apologies that this is out way later than planned! Uni getting most of my time 😟 But its here and I'm so pumped to share it with you guys!! Hope you enjoy 😗💕

Taglist:

@marcoazz2 @demiec0re @jcrl99 @muah-minhoe-8 @whoa-jo @jeongukkieeeeeeee @sweet4jenni @chanjwl @kimtaesss @jexizia @vexstrils @notchia @dollypoetry @cherrysoulth @burnahtsw @icantpickabiasugh @megaamonn

Jung freaking kook. Just look at him sitting over there, half-naked and wet. Sure, he’s got a towel thrown over a shoulder but it’s so small it’s doing fuck all to dry him off. Obviously he chose it on purpose. He thinks he’s such hot shit but you think he looks like a drowned rat.

And look! He’s got Namjoon’s apartment floor drenched with the pool water he tracked in! Man, if this was your place you’d be handing him a nice mop and bucket right about now.

"They were begging me to go a fourth round, but I was winding down, y'know?" Jungkook's voice echos obnoxiously off the walls. You mentally roll your eyes. He’s got a big mouth too. This must be your twentieth time hearing the same spiel about his little rendezvous with two chicks during undergrad. News flash Jungkook, you're not a god!

The guys are into it, though. You scan the room. Hoseok's on the verge of drooling, and Jimin can't stop grinning. Namjoon and Seokjin are leaning back in their seats, slight smirks pulling at the corners of their mouths. And Taehyung? Don't even get started on him. The man excused himself for the bathroom about ten minutes ago and is still yet to return.

Men. You decided to spend your one free Saturday with men.

You should have accepted Soyeon's offer to go drinking instead. This was the downside of being one of the only females in this so-called "friend group". None of your girlfriends were here! Sure, other women were around, but they were far too busy slinging themselves all over that perfectly chiseled bod–no.

Don't finish that thought.

Lots of guys go to the gym, __. Jungkook is nothing special. These women are obviously brainwashed; unlike them, you don't have time for his little boy games. It's time to get out of here.

"Okay, well, I'm heading out. Nice seeing everyone," you say, rising from your seat.

Jimin whips his head around. "What, already? We haven't gotten to the good part yet."

“There’s a good part?" You scoff. “Or, you mean Jungkook making girl number two squirt all over the bed? Heard it before, don't need to hear it again."

"It was girl number one," Jungkook butts in, eager to correct.

Whatever. You swing the apartment door open, phone and keys in hand. "See most of you on work Monday." You allow the door to slam behind you.

"She okay?" Jungkook furrows his eyebrows, wheels turn in his head.

"Don't worry about her. Work's probably got her beat." Namjoon cracks open a can of beer unfazed.

Jungkook nods, chewing on the bottom of his lip. "Does she–"

"The answer's no. __ doesn't need a good fuck, so put those thoughts away."

Shit, Jungkook swears internally.

Monday morning comes like hell on your doorstep. You're groggy when you wake up, barely getting to the shower. You considered skipping the ritual entirely but couldn't, not with how gross you felt. Project deadlines were right on your tail too, so you needed to either slap yourself awake or kiss your precious job promotion goodbye. You choose the later.

"Hey Minji, how are those files coming along?" You round the corner of the small office. It's 10 o'clock now, and everyone is typing, scanning, copying, and making phone calls until steam comes out of their ears.

"Almost finished." Your coworker, only a few years younger, responds. "Just have to tie up some loose ends, and then I'll hand them to you for review."

"Great. Thanks for–" You pause when you catch a slight grin spreading across Minji's face. Despite all the chaos today, Minji's definitely been the most cheerful. "You seem really happy today. Something good happened recently?"

Minji suppresses the grin and squeezes her palms in her lap. “Nothing in particular. Just glad to be a part of the team."

"Yeah, right!" Hoseok sends a knowing smirk, nearing the two of you. "Someone had a busy night last night, huh? It's okay. __ is cool. You can tell her anything." Once close enough, your coworker pulls you into a casual side hug.

You grimace. It feels weird while at the office.

"Do you mind?" You shrug him off. "It's work hours."

"Well, actually," Minji starts, cheeks rising. "It's nothing like that. I'm going on a date tonight. I'm just a little excited."

Hoseok's mouth forms an 'o', eyes widening. "Really? Who is it?"

"Uh, his name's Jeon–"

"Jungkook?” Jimin’s head pokes up from across the cubicle. Eavesdropping as usual.

"No…," Minji replies. "Who's Jungkook?"

"He's just a close friend of ours." Hoseok gestures between the three of you. “He’s Jeon Jungkook.”

"He's only you guy's friend," you say bitterly. Considering that player as a friend is pushing it for you. Really pushing it.

"C'mon, what's with you and Jungkook?" Jimin says, shooting you a borderline glare. "You've had bad blood with the guy since you met him.”

"Oh, don't start with me Park,” you fold your arms. "You know exactly why I feel the way I do."

You think he'll have a comeback, but he doesn't. Jimin simply sighs and returns to his work. Figures he'd be the one to jump to Jungkook's defense. The man practically idolizes him. That, and he's been best friends with him for the past eight years. Loyalty sure has its perks.

"So! If it's not Jungkook, who's the guy?" Hoseok asks, hoping to switch the topic around.

Minji jolts up in her seat. “Wonwoo," she says. “His name’s Wonwoo. We ran into each other at a friend's birthday party last night."

"Well, good luck with him tonight," you reply, returning to your office. "I'm sure it'll go well." Enough small talk. You have a whole seven hours plus of work left.

6:45 p.m.

The clock on your screen blinks at you. Everyone's gone home by now, and so should you. But you're still here, fingers frantically typing on the keyboard.

“__, go home already." Your finance officer, Min Yoongi, stands in the doorway, resting an arm against the frame. He's got his soft, leather briefcase in the other hand; yes, the one you got him for his birthday a couple months ago.

Yoongi was the only person in your department who often stayed as late as you. He looked like he was on his way out, though. Must have gotten what he wanted done. "I'll get there eventually," you say. "Just finishing some reports for our meeting tomorrow."

"What reports? They're all done."

"Well…my reports."

"You mean, the ones that we don't actually need?" He quirks a brow.

"They're extra just in case. There might be something off, and this might help." Yeah maybe you were making shit up to keep yourself busy, so sue you. What else were you going to preoccupy your time with? You already polished off the last pint of cookies and cream ice cream.

"You're cute." Pushing off the doorframe, Yoongi nears your desk. "You know boss doesn't look at them."

"You never kno–"

"Hey." The authority in your co-worker's voice makes you straighten your posture. "Let's cut the bullshit." In a moment of urgency, he leans his body between you and your computer.

"Excuse you?" You shove his shoulder with both hands, but he stands firm until your computer goes pitch black.

"Here's what we're gonna do." You're gently pulled up and out of your seat by the wrist. "I'm gonna get a drink, and you're coming with me."

The man gathers your coat and bag, slinging them over a shoulder. You feel your legs being lifted off the ground soon after. "I can walk, you know." You reflexively kick your feet in protest. It's been a while since he's picked you up like this.

Yoongi switches off the light and makes his way to the elevator at the end of hall. "Not right now, you can't." He pushes the button, calling it up.

"Ah look at you," you purr, locking your arms around his neck. "Someone's been watching k-dramas after hours. Trying to confess or something?"

He enters the elevator for both of you, amused by your playful remark. "I consider you my friend, __. But if I were trying to confess, I'd just come out with it. Subliminal messaging isn't really my thing.”

Understanding his notion, you close your mouth. What were you supposed to say to that?

You aimlessly watch as the woman pours freshly shaken alcohol into a short, round glass. She finishes the concoction by sticking an orange wedge along the rim. A cocktail, a classic but timeless favorite. Yoongi takes a sip of his whiskey and tilts his head towards you. "Whenever you're ready to spill your guts, let me know." 

"Hmm? I don't have anything going on." You down a shot yourself. "Nothing to spill here." 

He gives his glass a gentle swirl, liquid splashes against the sides. 

"Why are you looking at me like that? Nothing's wrong," you say. 

He sets his glass on the bartop, straight-faced. 

"Honestly, I don't know what you're getting at. We just came for a drink." 

"It's him, isn't it? Bunny boy with the six pack."

Your nose scrunches knowing exactly who he's referring to. With little thought you give a short 'no'. 

Yoongi stares at you nonchalantly. "Nice try, but I'm not an idiot, __. I don't know the guy that well, but I know enough that he's been on your mind a lot. You've been real prickly towards him too. Something tells me he's the reason you've been burying yourself in work lately.” 

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm just committed to my work. You know me, Ms. married to her job and all." You feign a chuckle. "I assure you, Ju–he's the furthest thing from my mind." 

“Mhm...right." He hums unconvinced. "Tell me ms. married to her job, why won't you say his name?"

"Because-" You cut shortly. "I'd rather not think of him right now. Can't we talk about something else or drink in peace?" 

He reaches for another taste of his burning liquor. "Alright."

Minutes pass before either of you speaks. You and Yoongi do this often, and you cherish it quite a bit. Sitting in silence after a long day at work soothes both your minds. But the man was right. Your mind isn't settled at all. No. It's buzzing with constant deadlines, family expectations, social commitments–  

"Okay it's him!" you blurt out, earning the attention of a few passing diners and even the bartender herself. Shoulders slouch as you grip the glass in front of you. Your eyes shift to your right, side-eyeing Yoongi, silently staring back at you.

"Jungkook...he’s just frustrating,” you finally say. “Fucking this girl, fucking that girl. Do you think I wanna know how many places he's stuck it in? No, I don't. But does that stop him?“

 You down your second shot. 

"He's been going on about the same lay for three years now. Three years, Yoongi. Honestly, how long's he going to keep it up? ‘They were begging to go again’, like who fucking cares?!” Blood boils through your veins.

A third shot. 

"I mean, how good can he be? If you asked me, he's average! Average Jeon Jungkook with probably an even more average dick!” 

“Damn, you’re pretty feisty angel.” A man slides on the stool to your left. “Calling me average and everything. Kinda hurts my feelings y’know?” 

You nearly choke picking up the man’s voice and scent– fuckin' Jungkook.

You swivel to face him. “Drop the pet names Jeon. I'm not your angel, and I seriously doubt I’m wounding any so called ‘feelings’,” you spit. “Why don’t you take your ego somewhere else…” You nod at the group of women gawking in the corner. Jungkook follows your gaze before meeting your eyes again.

"Not interested," he shrugs his shoulders.

“Oh wow, really?” Maybe sarcasm wasn’t the best way to go but since when did Jungkook start passing up overly eager women…shocker.

"Don't be insulting, __. I probably sleep around a lot more in your head than in real life."

"Please, who are you fooling," you reach for your fourth shot. Jungkook steals it out of your hand, however, shaking his head. 

"No, no, no." He sets the glass on his other side, furthest from your grasp. "Someone might be getting a little ahead of herself." 

Teeth clench. Is he patronising you?

"Do you mind?" The words spit out of your mouth. "I'm trying to sit and have a nice drink with my friend."

"And what friend would that be?" Jungkook leans forward in his seat, sparing a glance past your figure. 

"Yoongi."

"Oh, him…hate to break it to you but he left with some woman earlier.” 

You turn around immediately. He's gotta be messing around but damn– Yoongi really left you. That little snake. He'll be hearing from you tomorrow.

Rising from the barstool, you snatch your belongings and make your way to the exit.

.

"Where are you going, __?” Heavy feet patter after you, following you to the parking lot. "Just 'cause Yoongi's gone doesn't mean you have to leave." 

"I'm going home, Jungkook. 6am comes awfully quick." You want him to take the hint that you don't wanna stay but no such luck. You're instead blocked in your path, Jungkook facing you square on. He's a little close, but it doesn't matter. You'll just push around him.

"Alright, I'm sorry!" He wets his bottom lip. "If I've been too explicit about my private life, I'm sorry.” You watch as he rubs the side of his neck. “I tend-I tend to get carried away, especially around the guys. But after hearing what you said back there, I realize I should chill a little."

"Congratulations, you've figured it out.” You stare blankly at the man. “Can I leave now?" Brushing past him, you open your car door and jump inside. Dumb apology.

Fingers reach to shut the door, but Jungkook grips the rim, propping it open. "That can't be all." He leans down, shaking his head. "You clearly have some kind of vendetta against me and I'd like you to tell me why…please." 

You blink up, patience running thin. You’re wondering what you should say to get him off your tail, but the longer you linger the more it’ll look like you’re staring. And heaven knows Jungkook gets enough eyes on him as is, especially with his biceps bulging from his shirt.

Not that you’re paying attention or anything but take tonight for instance with those women ogling him in the bar. Like, did he have to wear a white tank top tonight? Show off.

“You’re so arrogant,” you say, clenching your fists. "You act like you're the best thing this world's ever gotten."

It’s obvious that your words strike a cord inside Jungkook. His face, riddled with concern and protest. 'Him, arrogant? What on earth is this woman talking about?' his eyes say.

"That's not true. When have I ever acted like that?"

Baffled. That’s what you are. It takes every ounce of gull left in your body to step out and meet the man at eye level.

"You're kidding. What do you call the constant retelling of your college fling then? Because you sure love the pedestal it gives you! Must have heard it fifty fricken times by now."

"Okay, maybe a bit then, but like I said I just get carried away. Lost in the moment if you will. The guys wanna hear it anyway, and it's just one story, __. Hardly enough basis to say I love myself or some shit."

"But that's exactly it, Jeon. You think everyone will worship at your feet just because you have that one story, a bunny like smile, and the body of a–"

"Woah, wait a second. Did you say worship at my feet? I get you're pissed off at me but come on, that's a bit much."

"It's n---shut up Jungkook!" You snarl. How dare he interrupt you after demanding you to tell him what's wrong. "Don't you ever get tired of running your mouth all the time?!"

"Me running my mouth? You're the one yelling sweetheart." His icy tone sets you off.

"Listen asshole, just for once, can't you just listen! You're so average, fuck!"

"Alright babe, I hear you, damn!" His eyebrows knit together. "And stop saying that I'm average! I'm not, okay?"

"There you go again, acting all entitled with that over inflated ego. I said it before and I'll never stop saying it–you're an average fuck! I don't care how many people you get in your bed."

Jungkook paces backwards, fingers laced behind his head. He cranks his neck back and chuckles. "Oh sweetheart, that's where you're so, so wrong."

"No idea what you're talking about," you say, unmoved.

He steps forward, complete disregard for your personal space. His breath heats your skin. "You absolutely care who I'm with...who I'm talking to...and especially who I'm fucking." He places a hand on the roof of your car. "You care so much that it's eating at you, bit by bit."

You do all you can to ignore the way the back of your neck fires up and how your heart picks up as he speaks but–dammit, this isn't the time! He's messing with your sanity. Or maybe, it's the shots kicking in. Both likely. Either way, you’ll be damned if you let him catch on.

"Fuck off Jungkook!" You push against his muscular chest. The force should have sent him stumbling back, but it only makes him slightly jolt. Courtesy of his rock-solid form.

"Why? 'Cause I'm right?" He traces down your figure. “ 'Cause you're scared of what will happen once we get close?”

Palms sweating, you struggle to form a proper response.

Option A: No, you're not scared in which Jungkook will likely challenge you.

Option B: Yes you're scared in which you let Jungkook be right and your efforts will be in vain.

Or Option C, what you've been doing all along: Fuck off!

Lust clouds over Jungkook's eyes as you remain motionless.

"How 'bout you prove it to me." His voice cuts through your contemplation. "That I'm wrong, that you don't want this, and I'll do the same for you."

You know exactly what he's insinuating– a one night stand. You swore you'd never give in to his antics. Then again, you never thought things would escalate this far either.

But if you agree to sleep with him now, you'll look like a hypocrite. And what of the countless speeches you made about not wanting to be another one of his swooning, giddy women? Still… it's not like you want to sleep with him. And if you do sleep with him, and he's average after all, you'll finally have something to testify to.

That'll knock him down a few pegs. 

"So…" You hear Jungkook drawl. "Is that smug expression you got on a yes?" 

"Hurry up and unlock the door,” you snap, manners going awry. “I wanna get this done as soon as possible.”

"Relax will you.” Jungkook fiddles with his keys, nearly dropping them with every shuffle. “So bratty when you’re down to get some.” He ushers you forward once managing to crank the door open.

You ignore his snide remark, taking in the spacious room. “Don't tell me that's your bed,” you say. There, in the middle of the living room was a mattress. It was on the smaller side but not in bad shape. If that’s where Jungkook intends to give it to you though, you’ll gladly walk out.

“Seriously?” You're thrown a slightly pissed expression. “It’s for emergencies, okay? My room's down here." He breezes down the hall adjacent to the living room. You follow.

“Better?” A lamp switches on from the corner of the bedroom. The room’s a little bare but you can’t complain, at least it was clean.

"Yeah, its fine." You flicker your eyes at Jungkook, arms length away. Chest tightens, legs begin to shake.

This isn't a dream. You're fully conscious and you're about to jump in bed with Jeon Jungkook.

Inadvertently, you pause down at his lips–they look soft.

Oh fuck it...you can’t stomach anymore delays.

Feeling the adrenaline, you shake your coat off and toss it on the chair to the side. You march up to Jungkook next, grip the fabric of his shirt, and smash your lips against his.

It's unusual at first, sloppy even. You're moving your lips the best you can but it's a struggle getting into a rhythm. Likely because you've never kissed each other before, let alone made out.

The temptation to snort at how ridiculous the whole thing must look jabs at you. But it's when you feel Jungkook smiling through each kiss that it hits you like a ton of bricks–your lips have been the only ones moving.

"So that's how you kiss huh?" Breaking apart, he stares down at you, tongue in cheek. He's teasing you.

Rather than give an answer you smirk and twist the fabric of his shirt. You press your lips to his again but this time it's with more confidence and determination. A heavy grunt falls from his mouth and rough hands grip your hips as teeth clash against teeth.

"Fuck, slow down baby," Jungkook pants between kisses.

You ignore his plead and card through his hair with both hands, yanking on his soft, black strands. "I'm not your baby, Jungkook. Remember that."

Your back slams against the door instantly, knob rattling at the sudden pressure. With one hand, he anchors your wrists above your head while the tatted one wraps tightly around your waist. Saying this isn't turning you on would be a lie, a big fat lie.

"What do you want me to call you then?" Your thighs squeeze together when you feel his bulge brush against your center. His pecs graze atop your breasts too, causing a shiver down your spine. "Can't call you baby, can't call you angel."

You bite the inside of your cheek and gaze at Jungkook through your lashes. A devilish smirk spreads across his face at your chosen silence.

"Guess I'll have to figure it out along the way."

He inches forward, capturing your lips. His tongue licks the seam before pushing in the crevasse. Though you fight, you can't stop from moaning into his mouth.

You find your thoughts drifting to all the other places you'll feel his tongue tonight. Maybe on your neck, or your breasts, inside your thighs–fuck. You're about to soak your panties to bunny boy.

One by one, you feel the buttons of your silk blouse being pulled apart. The delicate material pools at to your feet in seconds, leaving you in your lacy white bra.

"Pretty," Jungkook plays with a strap before bringing his hands down to cup the swell of your breasts. "Not what I expected though...thought red was more your color." He flashes a cocky smirk.

"Very funny, Jung–"

You gasp when his thumbs start swirling tiny circles around your clothed nipples. "How hard are they?" He says.

"Take it off and find out."

"Fuck.” He squeezes your breasts. "You sure?"

Once giving a nod, you're pulled to the bed. Jungkook guides you on your back before settling himself around your waist in a straddled position. When he leans forward to reach behind your back, you feel his length poke you.

"Mm," you muffle a small moan.

He raises a brow. "What's gonna happen when I'm inside you huh?" The straps of your bra sweep off your shoulders. Cool air hits your breasts, nipples pebbling instantly.

"I can take it," you say.

Jungkook's eyes dilate at your bare breasted state. "Sure you can babe." The tips of his fingers graze along your sides. "Cause I'm just an average fuck yeah?"

His palms cup the underside of your boobs, squeezing lightly. He then lowers his lips to the ridge of your ear.

"Gonna make you come by your tits pretty girl." Your back arches as he digs his fingers into the soft flesh.

"Jungkook-"

"Fuck," he hisses. "Rolls off your tongue just right." He trails from your neck down to your naval, leaving open mouth kisses along the way.

Your core twists at the warm sensation. You wanna tell him not to leave marks but something inside you secretly hopes he does.

Jungkook traces back up your torso, giving your buds a few flicks with his thumbs before taking one between his lips. He sucks firmly, switching between breasts. Occasionally you let out a yelp when his teeth tug at them ever so slightly.

You desperately want to rub your thighs together due to the wetness pooling between them but the weight of Jungkook straddling you doesn't allow for much movement.

“Be a good girl and stay still," he says, cocky grin plastered on his face.

You're not a good girl, you pant back though your nearly frozen body would say otherwise.

A few more flicks of his tongue and you know he's made you come from your tits as promised.

Jungkook leans back on the his knees. "I really wanna fuck them now." He tugs on a nipple playfully but you slap his hand away.

"Don't even think about it," you say. "They're sore enough".

"You liked it though."

"Well no shit, I came didn't I? Can't believe it," you mumble under your breath. "Anyway, it's your turn now. Take your shirt off," you nearly demand."

"Even after coming, you're still a fiesty little kitten." He brings his arms around his waist. Your core tightens as you watch the white tank top lift up his muscular upper body and over his head.

"Satisfied?" He studies your expressions.

Instinctively, you trace down his sweaty build; starting with the collarbone. You work your way over to his shoulders after until his pecs draw your attention. And then his diaphragm, leading to the ‘v’ outlining his pelvis.

"Take them off too."

Jungkook gives you a pleased look. "Wanna see how average my cock is?"

You move to an upright position, face close to his. "More like wanna see what it can do." You snap the band of his sweats. "Hmm, what'd you think about that playboy?"

Jungkook's cock twitches. He needs to be inside you before he blows a load in his pants here and now. He gets up from the bed, hooks his thumbs in his sweats and pulls them down along with his briefs.

Alarms go off in your head as his half-harden cock is yanked out of it's confinement. It slaps against his abdomen, tip glowing with precum.

Swallowing, you fiddle with your own pants. It's huge and it's going inside you.

"What if I told you I wanna taste you first?"

You pause your movements and peer up at the man. "You mean...down there?"

You wanna slap yourself from how naive you sound but the thought of Jungkook's head between your legs was an affair you'd never predict to happen.

"Yeah pretty girl," Jungkook quips. "There."

"Uhm," you breath, stomach doing somersaults. "Okay."

He settles between your legs this time, panties kicked off in some odd corner of the room. He gives your inner thigh a kiss before running a finger up your slit.

A lusty moan leaves your lips.

He pushes in a moment later, making you gasp for air. Another finger pushes along side it and after a few pumps he's perfectly stimulating your g-spot.

"Jung-Jungkook fuck!" You grip the sheets from under you.

He brings his thumb over your clit, toying with the bundle of nerves. "Am I doing it right __?" He's teasing again.

You nod vigorously. "Don't stop...please. Don't you dare stop."

Jungkook hums in approval, low and breathy, but retracts his fingers from your soaking cunt. They're quickly replaced with his tongue however, licking a broad stripe up your folds. The action is repeated over and over until your once again digging your nails into his scalp.

"M' gonna come," you say with a shaky voice.

As if an invitation, he dips in your heat. A string of profanities spill out.

Shit shit shit, you chant as you release on his tongue.

Jungkook lifts his head up from between your legs and wipes his mouth off. "You're fucking sexy." He presses a deep kiss on your lips, long and messy. "And you taste sweet too."

"Fuck me," you nearly beg. "And call me a slut while your at it."

"You su–"

"You don't have to use a condom either. I'm on the pill."

"Real–"

"Yes Jungkook."

He shifts back from your body, chest inflating and deflating. "On your hands and knees then."

As soon as the words leave his mouth you flip over, your full backside in his view. Did you feel exposed? Hell yeah. But that's part of the fun.

You turn your head over a shoulder to see Jungkook inching behind you. From this angle you feel so small. You bite your lip, anticipation driving you wild.

"Don't forget what I asked for earlier playboy."

Hovering over your back, his breath tickling your skin. "And what makes you think I'll listen to you pretty girl?" His length brushes between your asscheeks.

You whine.

"Jungkook–"

All at once he aligns himself with your hole and thrusts himself in. The fullness of the stretch has your eyes roll to the back of your head.

"Fuck, you're so big," you moan.

"Yeah? You like this," he grunts, starting off a steady pace. "I knew you would." He nips your ear. "Cute how dumb little sluts like you think they know what they want, but really, they don't have a clue."

Your breathe hitches, squeezing around his length. "What about---fuck---assholes like you who decide what others want before asking?"

The bed jolts forward. You cling to all you can to steady yourself.

"It's not really deciding for others if they already want it, is it?" He snaps his hips. "I'm merely helping them, like an asset."

"Shu---god fuck!"

"Deny it all you want but we both know how hard this little pussy's clenching around my big, fat cock. Been wanting this for a while hasn't it?" Beads of sweat drip from Jungkook's brow. His wavy, black locks dangle in front of his eyes.

Helplessly, you start rocking yourself on him, meeting his thrusts in perfect sync.

"Holy shit–" Jungkook groans. "You get me so fucking turned around. Can't even be in a room with me for five minutes before you're clawing for a way out but here you are, desperate to take my cock."

"What can I say," you barely gasp, beyond wound up. "Can't stand arrogant jerks like you."

He snorts. "But you'll sure fuck 'em won't you? Slut."

Walls tightening, knees shaking, it takes only one last hard thrust and you're spasming around him.

Jungkook coaxes you through your high with broken grunts. "Fuck, you feel so tight and warm around me. Gonna come pretty girl? Gonna come all over my cock aren't you?"

"Jung---Jungkook!"

"It's okay sweetheart, you can do it. Fucking cream it."

And you do.

With his cock coated with your cum, Jungkook fucks through his own high. "Hang in there __, I'm almost there," he says, thrusts sloppy.

Once he releases into you his body grows limp on yours. A small yelp tells him to slide out and off you.

As you lie next to each other, panting heavily, you're the first to break the silence.

"I think I've proven my point. You gonna shut up about your story now?"

"I don't know which point that would be but sure," Jungkook turns his head to the side with a lazy smirk. "I'll shut up about the story. I have a new one on my mind anyway."

God what have you done. Uncaged the beast, that's what.

A/N: thanks for stopping by, happy to hear your thoughts ☺💗

Masterlist

no reposting, copying, or translating my work

© kookslastbutton

[hellbornsworld]

JUNGKOOK FANFIC RECOMMENDATIONS(3)🎧๋࣭ ⭑🫧𖦹₊ ⊹⋆𓂃𓈒

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆

❥ AFTER LAST NIGHT | Bff!JK X Reader | @kooahae

❥ NIGHT CRAWLERS | drugrunner!jungkook x sugarbaby!reader | College AU | @alphabetboyluvr

❥ THE YOUNG WOLF | jungkook X reader | game of thrones au | @junqkook

❥ All I Want | JK X Reader | Side : Taehyung X Reader | War AU | Series | @ardentlyjae

❥ Taking Over You | yandere!idol!jungkook x fem!reader | Series | @go1denjeon

❥ what the fire gave us | shadow elemental!jungkook x water elemental!(f)reader | Supernatural AU | @gimmethatagustd

❥ rivers over stones | jeon jungkook x reader | @ichorai

❥ Miss. Vagabond | JK X Reader | Online Friends AU | @bubblesuga

❥ Redolence of Love | Blind!florist! Reader x Tattooist! Jungkook | Two shots | @starsinsky1999

❥ Rigor Mortis | Police Officer!Jungkook x Reader | @readyplayerhobi

❥ teacher’s pet? nah, professor!jeon’s pet. | Professor!JK X Bimbo!OC | @adoredcored

❥ (he)art thief | thief! jungkook X daughter!OC | heist AU | @latetaektalk

❥ idealizations concerning real life relations | fuckboy!jk x hopeless romantic!oc | One-Shot | @venusiangguk

❥ Little Wolf, Pretty Wolf, Your Wolf | Omega!Jungkook x Alpha!Reader | @readyplayerhobi

❥ Dystopia | Trainer!Jungkook x Initiate!FemReader | @streetlight11

❥ Obsesión | Yandere! Jungkook x Female! reader | @thvlouvre

❥ of honey and cinnamon | jungkook x reader | One-Shot | @ephemerlskies

❥ Deus Ex Machina | Android!Jungkook x Reader | @readyplayerhobi

❥ home is where the heart is | JK X Reader | Fantasy AU | @corajjk

❥ 𝓘𝓷𝓽𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓲𝓬 | Alien!Jungkook X Human!Reader | @bonny-kookoo

❥ High drive | JK X Reader | One-Sho7t | @journalwjoonie

❥ Crybaby | dom!JK X sub!Reader | One-shot | @lavishedinjimin

❥ 'I'm yours" | CEO!possessive!Jungkook x reader | @bethschamberoftales

❥ Commitment | Mafia!JK X Detective!Reader | Series | @eureka-its-zico

❥ kaiho | detective!jeon jeongguk x trophy wife!reader | toxic relationship | @99liners

❥ Ares | General!Jungkook X Spy!Reader | @littlemisskookie

❥ After Hours | fwb!JK X Reader | @lovelyglares

❥ The Turing Test |  Android!Jungkook x Creator!Reader | Series | @fortunexkookie

❥ “just an extension cord” | gamer bf!jungkook X gf!reader | @gywaruu

❥ Tebori Tapioca | JK X Reader | Love at first sight | @mypersonmyg

❥ hold me close | boxer!jungkook X girlfriend!reader | Rival Gang AU

❥ seasons don’t fear the reaper | reaper!jk x reader | @augustbutwinter

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆

OTHER POSTS:

JUNGKOOK FANFIC RECOMMENDATION(1)

JUNGKOOK FANFIC RECOMMENDATION(2)

JUNGKOOK FANFIC RECOMMENDATION(4)

ALL BTS MEMBERS WATTPAD RECOMMENDATIONS(1)

BTS X READER WATTPAD RECOMMENDATIONS(2)

[bangtanficsforyou]

They Reject You (maknae line)- part two

Pairing: Bts maknae line x Reader

Word Count: 8.8K

Warnings: swear words here and there

A/N: here's my patreon just in case you enjoy reading my stuff!

Park Jimin

Jimin's eyes light up when he spots you in the cafeteria. You're sitting alone with a cup of coffee and typing away something on your laptop and he can't help but feel like the chair next to you is practically calling for him. 

He makes a quick beeline towards your table and occupies the seat. "Hey, sweetheart."

You don't bother looking up at him as your eyes remain fixed on the screen.

"You shouldn't be sitting alone, if you needed company you could have just texted me," he suggests taking hold of your coffee cup. His plump lips wrap around the straw and he draws up the liquid extra loudly, knowing very well that the noise annoys you.

However, you pay no attention to his lack of table manners.

"Do you know we were supposed to have an exam today but it got cancelled?" He speaks in a tone of disappointment, knowing you'd agree with him. It's one of your icks when you've worked hard for something and have shown up for it, but ultimately do not get the chance to prove yourself.

But you still remain focused on your work and give no reaction or response.

At this point, Jimin finds himself feeling curious as to what might be so important in your laptop that it has all your attention. He leans forward to take a peek and realises that you're working on an assignment.

"Assignments are now more important than me, I see," sighing dramatically he looks down as if upset by your lack of acknowledgement. Not even a moment later he looks up subtly to check if you're looking at him.

When he realises that you aren't, the slightest bit of annoyance sparks inside him.

"If you're not going to talk to me, I should just leave," he keeps his tone casual, not intending to let the fact that he's feeling grumpy, be known.

You tilt your head cutely and mumble something along the lines of vertices having a degree two to yourself. 

Jimin's jaw drops in complete shock. The last time you two had a proper chat was three days back and now that he's trying to talk to you, this is how you treat him?! If that's what you want, fine. He isn't going to sit here and beg you to pay attention to him.

"Fine, I'll leave. I have better stuff to do anyway," he grumbles and takes his leave.

If anyone were to take notice of Jimin's expressions, they'd probably end up laughing. He looks angry but that little pout on his lips and the sad look in his eyes makes him look like a little child throwing tantrums. 

It's a good thing your eyes are not on him. Not even when he makes his leave.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Two classes later, Jimin is scrolling through his Instagram when he comes across a reel of a cute puppy doing the usual puppy antics. His first instinct is to send it to you. However, when he clicks on the share button, he doesn't find your account on the list of people to send. His brows furrow in confusion and he types your account id on the search bar only for the screen to read a message saying no matches found. 

Have you....have you blocked him?

He exits the application and opens WhatsApp. When his eyes land on your contact he notices how your profile picture is appearing to be blank and it only makes him desperately type out a message to you. 

Throughout the class, he keeps hoping that he'd notice a double tick to assure him that you haven't blocked him but unfortunately, no such thing occurs.

At the end of the day, he goes to sleep with a displeased frown. How could you do this? How could you just ignore him during recess and then block him on social media out of nowhere? He didn't even do anything wrong. 

Did he?

He tries to recall the last time the both of you had a proper conversation and his mind goes to the events that occurred on the night of the frat party. 

It's true that you had snapped at him and that the conversation you had, would not fall under the category of 'friendly'. But he didn't think it was serious, either. Both of you had silly arguments here and there, but it never seemed to matter in the long run. Somehow or the other, Jimin always managed to get under your skin and get a reaction out of you. Sooner or later, the two of you would fall back to the rhythm of him annoying the shit out of you and you talking back to him. 

The more Jimin recalls the little fiery banters you two have engaged in, in the past, the more his confidence grows. He tells himself this time would be no different. It may take a little more time but Jimin is sure you'll be talking to him again. 

It's true that you have never blocked him before. Or never have downright ignored him like this. Even when you would appear to be mad, there was always that little twitch of your eyes or you poking the inside of your cheeks with your tongue, which let him know that he was being successful.

But it doesn't matter. 

Maybe you're really really mad at him this time. But he's sure he will melt that anger away with his smile and charm.

It works on everyone, no doubt it will work on you as well.

----------------------------------------------------------------

With a wide confident smirk plastered on his face, he walks into your classroom and looks for you. 

His smirk softens into a small smile when he spots you with your head buried in books. 

He ignores the hushed whispers and the dreamy stares and walks to your seat before sliding next to you. 

"Hey sweetheart," he says, putting the effort to make his voice extra sultry and smooth. That always works on the girls. 

And for a moment, Jimin thinks he has won when he notices the look of complete surprise on your face. However, his victory is short-lived as your surprise fades quickly and once it does you're back to your work without paying him any mind.

"I got you a gift," he places the said gift on top of your notebook. A rose. "I looked at it and it reminded me of you."

Your hands falter for a brief moment as the nib of your pen is met by the flower. You use your other hand to move the flower out of your way.

Jimin huffs. He is starting to get annoyed and there's this sense of unsettlement in his veins but he tries to look amused. If there's one thing that bothered you to no end, it was when he found your anger as a source of his amusement. 

"Awww," he coos with an underlying tone of mockery. "Are you angry at me?" 

You don't react. Jimin is neither surprised nor flattered. 

"It's so cute though," he comments, and only if you were looking at him would you have known it's only his voice that gives the faux impression of him being amused. His eyes, his frown even the curve of his lips don't hide the fact that he is anything but not amused. 

Jimin feels a mix of frustration and desperation, which makes him snatch the pen away from your hand.

You seem startled by his actions but instead of arguing with him for being such a pain in the ass, your hand makes its way to your pencil pouch. However, before you can take another pen out, Jimin is taking that away from you as well. 

"You aren't getting these back until you talk to me," he declares, as he hugs the pouch and your pen close to his chest as if shielding them away from you.

You sigh, not out of agitation or anger. You seem bored. Something that scares and hurts Jimin, at the same time.

"What do you want?" You query, finally talking to him directly. After four days.

"What do you mean by what do you want?" He scoffs, making air quotes to mock your question. "You aren't talking to me and have blocked me on socials. What do you think I want?"

You sigh, once again and once again you look bored. As if you'd prefer to be anywhere but here. "I thought you had a reputation for being a fuckboy or something."

Jimin's brow furrow in confusion. "What does that have anything to do with this?"

"As a fuckboy whose commitment lasts for only one night, you must have faced many instances where you just wanted the girl to just take the hint," you state, speaking in a tone that's so calm that it makes Jimin squirm in discomfort. "Wonder why then, do you not know when to take the hint yourself."

His eyes fall and suddenly all traces of anger and frustration is gone and is replaced by sadness. Jimin looks a like sad kid who has just been told Santa isn't real. 

The look in Jimin's eyes catches you by surprise. He is an expert at making sad eyes to lure someone in. You know that because you have been a victim of it. But Jimin's eyes always had that little spark in them. Something that gave away his act and highlighted the mischief brewing within them. Something that let you on the fact that he's only pretending to be sad. 

However, now that you look into his eyes, they just seem dull. Making it seem like Jimin is sad, maybe for real this time.

You ignore the urge you feel to comfort him and maintain a blank face. Why should you even feel bad for choosing yourself? How many times has he thought or cared about his words and how they have made you feel? How many times was he there to wipe the tears that he made you cry?

Not even once. 

You may be someone who's tough and headstrong but you're also just as soft and loving on the inside. If you give in now and comfort him just to see him happy, you know you will be repeating the same cycle with yourself. And it would be so damn toxic.  

"Are you really not going to talk to me?" He whispers, in a soft voice. 

"I don't want to, trust me." This time your voice is not cold. This time you sound like you. The you, Jimin is familiar with. You don't even seem mad. And that's exactly how Jimin knows that you mean what you're saying.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Jimin has had a tough week. 

Nothing out of the ordinary, perse. He has been going to parties, has been getting drunk and has been the same him. But maybe that's exactly why he is having a tough time. Because despite doing regular 'Jimin' things, he hasn't been feeling like himself. 

He doesn't even know what's wrong. Or maybe he does, he just wants to ignore it and pretend that everything is fine. That he's fine. 

He does his classes and tries his best to focus on the material that's being taught but somehow or the other, he zones out. 

But it's not like it's a big deal. It's normal and all cool. He's fine. 

During football practice, he misses the opportunities that present themselves to him as if he's a blind man. 

But again, that's normal, right? Even the best of players make mistakes. Who's Jimin to not make one? It's fine. He's fine. 

During lunch, he accidentally puts pepper instead of salt in his food. But that's also normal! Nothing out of the ordinary. 

He's fine. 

He repeats these two words in his mind as he makes his way to the next class. However, he is met by a sight that has his steps halting.

It's you. 

You have your head thrown back and you're laughing at something your friend said.

The scene causes a stir of emotions inside him. 

One of the first things he feels is longing. Any other time he would deny it with everything in his being but now that you're in front of him like this, he simply can't. He misses you. He misses talking to you. He misses teasing you. He misses how your nose would scrunch up in annoyance. He misses the way you would chew on your lower lip to hold back from smiling. 

He misses everything about you.

The next emotion that hits him is anger. Here he is, feeling like he can't act and function normally without you, and there you are totally unbothered. 

The thought also scares him. What if, what if you just don't care about him anymore?

If that so happens to be the case, Jimin at least needs to know for sure. He can't be going around like this with a hole in his chest and having unanswered questions in his mind regarding what exactly happened for you to suddenly cut him off like this.

So, the next thing he knows, he's walking towards you. Ignoring the surprised look on your face, he grabs the courage to speak. 

"Can I talk to you for two minutes?"

You look at your watch simply because you need to make an excuse as to why you can't give him the two minutes. "Sorry, I have to head for my class."

Jimin nods, having expected something like that. "We can talk while walking. I'll drop you to your class."

"You don't need to–"

"I want to," he cuts you off with a determined look on his face, not willing to take no for an answer.

Truth be told, you have no intention of talking to him. But somewhere, at the back of your mind, you're curious as to what he might have to say. After all, after one whole week of Jimin not trying to bug you, you had honestly assumed that that was the end of whatever friendship (if you can even call it that) you two had. 

Jimin takes note of the indecisive look on your face and before you can come to a negative decision, he takes hold of your hand and gently tugs you to a side. 

"What–"

"I am sorry but I had to," he says with a tone that conveys nothing but sincerity. 

You're half pissed at Jimin's behaviour but you ignore it nevertheless, thinking that whatever it is that he has to say, it must be serious. Because you have never seen Jimin being like this before. 

"Whatever you want to say, make it quick," you say with a sigh. 

"Why are you cutting me off like this?" Jimin's words are out of his mouth the moment he knows that you're ready to listen to him. It's like he has been waiting for ages to ask you this particular question. 

Your brows furrow for a split second before you scoff. "Is that what this is all about?"

He is confused as to why you're looking at him as if he has asked a really stupid question.

"Yes?" He responds hesitantly. 

You sigh once again, this time much louder and in disbelief. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe this," you mutter to yourself before looking at Jimin and he does not miss the gleam in your eyes. 

"Let me spell it out for you, you were an asshole to me," you state, your voice having a certain hint of anger to them. 

"A-Asshole? How?" He stutters, looking even more confused than before. 

"You knew I had feelings for you, but you couldn't give two shits about it. I had no issues with you not liking me back, but rubbing all your sexual escapades on my face, and flirting with me is a total disregard and disrespect to how I feel."

"I didn't–"

"It doesn't take much for someone to realise that. Anyone with the minimum common sense can figure that out for themselves. But just because your feelings have always been shallow does not mean that the people around you are shallow as well."

There are a lot of responses that come to Jimin's mind but he knows none of those are good enough.

"Do you know how much of a fool I felt when you were being ignorant of the fact that I am a person who feels? I felt so stupid to be hanging out with you when you couldn't even pause and give me the minimum respect I deserve."

Each word of yours hits him like a bullet but he thinks this has been a long time coming. He is willing to take as many hits as it requires, but he just hopes this is not the end. That somehow he gets to redeem himself. No matter how difficult it is. 

"But at some point, you realise that you shouldn't put up with someone who doesn't appreciate you. I know how I deserve to be treated and it's obvious that you don't know how to treat a woman with respect. Hence, I'm afraid we can't be….friends anymore." 

You paused briefly before using the word friends as if you were not even sure if that's what you two were. And it sure as hell, makes Jimin feel shittier than he did moments ago. 

Oh my goodness, he really has messed this up, hasn't he? 

When you turn around to leave, Jimin doesn't stop you, knowing very well there's nothing much he can say to prove that you mean much more to him than what he has made you believe. 

So he lets you go. 

But only with the intention of earning your forgiveness.

Kim Taehyung

February

Tae 🐻:  did you reach home?

You: yes, just did!

Tae 🐻: i see

Tae 🐻: take rest and sleep well

Tae 🐻: also, i got a little something for you 

Tae 🐻: *image attached*

On clicking the picture, you're greeted with a small little teddy bear that looks adorable in every way possible.

It brings a smile to your face and there's a part of you that knows that it's his way of apologising for the dimmed smile you had throughout the day. His words may have been upsetting but at least he knows the effect they have had on you. And you know he's sorry for it. Mayhaps, that makes it a bit easier for you.

You: it's cute 

Tae 🐻: i know 

Tae 🐻: that's exactly why it reminded me of you 

You chuckle and shake your head softly.

He never leaves a chance to flirt.

--------------------------------------------------------------

April

You: you won't believe what happened

Tae 🐻: what

Tae 🐻: What

Tae 🐻: WHAAATTTT

You: a cat just snuggled against me.

You: CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???

You: like i used to be so scared of them 

You: but now i think they are just soft little balls of fur

You: now i want a cat for myself

Tae 🐻: this is so cute for some reason

Tae 🐻: i can just imagine your bright excited smile *sighs*

Tae 🐻: I'm glad you are not scared of cats anymore 👍😌

Tae 🐻: but but but 

Tae 🐻: idk how to feel about you getting a cat

Tae 🐻: what if you get one and then your whole attention is on them and then you forget about me 👉👈

You: 🙄

You: is this supposed to be a joke?

You: can i not have a bear and a cat at the same time???? 😒

You: also, don't worry i doubt the cat can ever get as annoying as you're 

You: so in a way, you'll always be special 😌

Tae 🐻: uhh thank you

Tae 🐻: that's very reassuring 🤗💖

You: well why, you're welcome 🤗

-------------------------------------------------------------------

July

Your phone rings making you alert of an incoming call. Checking the screen you realise that it's Tae. 

"Hello?" You greet in a sing-song voice, your mood suddenly turning bright.

"Hello, my lady," he greets back in a British accent. "How have you been?"

"Same old, mate, same old," you sigh, mimicking his accent. "Work has been hectic."

"It's even worse that I haven't seen you for so many days" he huffs, his accent gone and voice sounding whiny and complaining. Something that makes you think he has a cute adorable pout on his face.

"I know, work decided to be the biggest bitch ever," which is why you and Taehyung have not been able to find free time to spend with each other. 

The lunchtime for his department changed, making it impossible to have lunch together. Your department has way more workload than his does and as a result of which, you always have to stay back at least an hour to complete your share of work.

Taehyung doesn't wait for you or for your work to get done. And in a way, you're glad. You can't imagine how tiring it can be to wait a whole hour after a full day of work when you know you have the option to just go home and lay in bed and do nothing. 

Everyone deserves good rest and sleep after spending a whole day in front of a computer and that includes Taehyung. You'd never expect him to wait for you or do anything that would be at the cost of his discomfort.

Anyways, it's not like you and him have been out of touch. You text him about every silly little thing that would occur throughout your day. It could be a lizard staring at you intensely as if judging the way you're brushing your teeth, and Taehyung will be the first person to know about it. Hence, yes you do miss his presence physically but your days have been filled with him. 

You both have chatted for hours on end, sometimes via text, other times on a call.

This time is no different. You two end up talking for a whole hour before, he says something that ends with your heart skipping a few too many beats.

"Hey man, I won't say I love you on the phone," he jokes, but there's just something in those words that tells you he knows this isn't just a joke. "That's not fair to the both of us."

It is said out of nowhere, yet it fits the context of the conversation as well as of the situation you both are in. 

"Umm, w-well, say it in person I guess." Your cheeks warm up, a bashful smile that is so incredibly shy at the same time, adorning your lips.

"So I will," he whispers as if even though you two are only connected via call, he knows how gentle this moment is and what it means to you.

And then, the conversation is loud again. You with your silliness and him playing along with it and laughing loudly at your antiques.

----------------------------------------------------------------

September

"Why do you look down?" You query as you munch on popcorn.

Taehyung shakes his head, denying anything's wrong. "Nothing, I just feel tired, I guess."

Bullshit. You know Taehyung well enough to know when he's lying. His eyes just twinkle in a certain way as if on alert about being caught. 

"Do you want to leave?" You whisper, paying mind to the people around you. The last thing you want is the people in the movie hall shushing you or glaring at you.

He shakes his head, again. This time more vehemently. "No, I want to watch this movie with you."

You sigh but then speak in a gentle tone. "You know you can tell me right? Anything that's bothering you, you can tell me."

Taehyung looks at you and there's that certain look of vulnerability as if he's scared and worried. But whatever it was that he was looking for, he finds it in your eyes. It makes him decide that yes, he can be honest with you.

"Remember Kira? I saw her today and I guess it just triggered something within me."

Kira. 

How can you forget that name? 

Two months in your friendship and the both of you had discussed your lists of shitty exes and Kira was a topic discussed in detail.

Kira was his first and only girlfriend whom he loved a lot. Their relationship was filled with ups and downs but he never let it come in the way. He was there for her in ways you only see in movies and shows. But alas, things did come to an end. 

What hurt Taehyung more than the relationship coming to an end were the comments made by Kira. She didn't stutter while saying that he's just not the kind of guy she's into. He isn't bulky or muscular. He laughs too much and smiles easily. He isn't intimidating and is very gullible and naive. 

That...that was what broke him.

You remember the day he told you about Kira. It had made you so angry. How could anyone ever say something like that about a person? If you're not interested you're most welcome to leave but why go an extra step to be an asshole and scar someone? 

What was worse was the fact that you could tell Taehyung believed in those words. He thought they were a down point to his character and that it made him unlovable. 

It's also since that day, that you have developed this protectiveness over him. He may not see it but he deserves the absolute best. He deserves to know that it isn't difficult to love him at all, in fact, it might just be the easiest thing in the world. 

But right now, you know that her words from the past are probably being repeated in his mind over and over again. Hence, it becomes your goal to make him see that those words are not true. 

"I understand why it may have been triggering for you," you comment taking hold of his hands and playing with his fingers. "But I assure you, she was only being a bitch because she knew she losing a gem."

Taehyung smiles a smile that does not reach his ears. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I'm not done yet."

For the first time this evening, the briefest spark of amusement enters his gaze. 

"I know she hurt you, but if you need a reminder that what she said to you was total bullshit, I'll serve as one."

Your voice comes out firm but there's that tone of love and affection to it, that is simply unmissable.

"People say and do mean things and they hurt us. But their choice of actions and words define them, not us. At some point, you have got to stop and realise that you can't keep hurting yourself because of what someone has said. It's difficult to do that, I know but that difficulty is worth it. You are worth it."

A small, tiny smile appears on Taehyung's lips at your words. Before he can get the words out to express his gratitude, you're speaking again.

"Also, all those things that she made you feel were unlovable about you, make you just that much more lovable. Because that's what makes you, you."

Once you're done, you feel the insecurity hit you that you may have been a little too passionate or that you went overboard. But Taehyung resting his head on your shoulder and muttering the softest of thank you's makes you relax. 

And that's how you watch the rest of the movie. With his head on your shoulders and him constantly wanting some part of his body to be in touch with yours.

---------------------------------------------------------------

December

You were promoted. 

You won't say it was out of the blue, you had seen it coming. Despite that, being recognised and awarded for your hard work, felt nice. 

But your promotion also meant you were now working in a different branch of your office. Same city, a different building. This also meant the chances of you and Taehyung meeting in between work had slimmed down to zero.

But again, it didn't seem to affect the bond you two shared. You two chatted with each other about your day almost regularly. It just didn't feel right, without telling him about the itsy bitsy details of your day-to-day life. 

It was your second week in the new building and by now you had become comfortable enough with the group of fellow employees you were mingling with, for them to ask the very important question. "Do you have someone special in your life?"

The question was asked in good spirits, with raised eyebrows, teasing smiles and mayhaps with an underlying hope that the answer to the question would be 'no' so that they can set you up with the company sweetheart Jeon Jungkook, who you have a hunch, has a crush on you.

Nevertheless, the question makes you stutter. 

It's not a difficult question to answer if the answer is a simple yes or no. But in your case, it's not so simple. It's complicated. 

But how do you explain it to them? 

You don't even know where you and Taehyung lie. You both have never directly addressed the feelings except once or twice. But what does that mean now? Do you two fall under the category of "more than friends, less than lovers"? 

You don't know.

You don't know if he still has feelings for you. What if it was just a phase and now all that you two are is just good friends? What if you're the only one who keeps thinking of the time you had confessed and what if you're the only one to whom the moments spent with the other, mean something special? 

But what if the opposite is true? What if he still has feelings for you, what if it wasn't just a phase? What if the moments spent with you, mean something to him as well?

Gosh, this indeed is complicated.

You take a deep breath and conclude that irrespective of whatever his feelings for you may be. You're someone who cares for him. A lot. 

You don't want to be someone who hurts him, ever. Knowing of the few instances that he has been hurt and the way he has been hurt, you never want to make him feel like he failed at love again. Or that, he isn't worthy of love. 

You don't want to assume that Taehyung has feelings for you. At the same time, you don't want to assume that he doesn't. Because you know, if you assume that he doesn't have feelings for you and act accordingly, and then it turns out that he still did, he will feel crushed.

"Let's just say, I do have a certain someone," you answer with a shy smile.

Your new coworkers look disappointed for a brief second, most likely because now they won't be able to play matchmakers but the disappointment is soon replaced by excitement. 

Multiple questions are thrown your way to know about this special person and you spend the rest of lunch trying to answer them as swiftly as possible.

--------------------------------------------------------------

February

You: why the 🙄 next to her name?

You ask in reference to him re-posting a status update of a co-worker on Whatsapp. Something about company lunch.

Tae 🐻: cause she's annoying! 

You: lmao why so 😂

Tae 🐻: oh boy she has no respect for boundaries 

Tae 🐻: her jokes are in such poor taste and inappropriate

Tae 🐻: it's just annoying and hence would explain the emoji choice

You: damn 

You: that's harsh 

You: but I'll trust your judgement

Tae 🐻: as you should, yes 😒

You: but this has me curious, if you were to put an emoji next to my name, what would it be? 👀

Tae 🐻: damn that's a good question

Tae 🐻: let me think

Tae 🐻: How about this one? ✨

You: huh? 

You: that's kind of unique 

You: why that one though?

Tae 🐻: because you shine, duh

Tae 🐻: and you light up every room you walk into 

Tae 🐻: and this ✨ just suits you 

Yet again, you feel the familiar warmth in your chest that at this point is just very common every time you talk to him.

But that doesn't make these little moments any less special for you.

------------------------------------------------------------

March.

Work was extra tiring today. You couldn't catch a breather. Couldn't even go to lunch. Stayed back after work till eleven.

And now here you're, finally home.

While having your ramen, you decide to respond to texts that you haven't and so open WhatsApp. 

Once done, you check through the status updates of people. It's always nice to know what fun people have been up to while you were being drained of all energy.

However, you frown when Taehyung's status appears on your screen. There are a few paragraphs written about love and how it can change the way you view life. When the next slide appears, it's a picture of him with a girl. He has his arm casually on the girl's shoulder as they smile at the camera. That added with the heart emoji as the caption causes a weird nervous sensation in your stomach. 

You type out a question as a reply to his status.

You: what is all this about? 😂

You add a laughing emoji next to it just to make sure you sound casual and curious.

Taehyung so happens to be online and his response comes quickly.

Tae ����: did you not see my status updates? 😂

Tae 🐻: I'm in a relationship ☺️

And just like that, your hands start shaking and the food in front of you gets forgotten.

Jeon Jungkook

It's been almost a month since you confessed to Jungkook. 

During the first week, you tried to reach out to him because you were so angsty to just get some sort of response. You didn't care if it was in the negative or was harsh. Anything was better than this. Anything was better than him just straight out ignoring your presence as if you never existed. 

You just couldn't understand. Did the friendship you two had mean nothing to him? Did you ever mean anything to him? If you did, how could he possibly treat you this way? Did you not deserve at least a proper explanation as to why he was doing what he was doing?

But after a week, you gave up. Your hurt turned into anger. You didn't care what his possible explanation could be. You did deserve better than this. So you ultimately stopped trying to reach out to him.

It's not like it doesn't bother you. Sometimes, it still does. But the difference is, you have stopped expecting anything from him. And that admittedly, makes it a little easier for you.

"What are we doing today?" Namjoon asks with a bright dimpled smile as he took his seat on the chair. 

"Four short interviews and then a late-night show," you reply, quickly opening your pouches to get out the brushes. 

He sighs. "Another round of answering what our love life looks like."

You snicker, finding it hilarious how done he looks. "Another round of you answering on behalf of the team that you all are a little too busy to find time for dating."

Namjoon shakes his head. "Sometimes I wish I didn't know English." 

The thought makes you laugh with your head thrown back.

"Well I can't imagine anyone else being the spokesperson, it would be damn funny."

You really do think that would be the case. Each of the members has a very distinct personality and just imagining what they would be like, is nothing short of amusing to you. 

Your amusement, however, dwindles when your mind comes up with the question about what Jungkook would be like if he were the one translating other members' words into English. But then your mind leads you to imagine how cute his English is, despite being broken. And then your heart ultimately shrank and you had to remind yourself to not think of him.

Namjoon seems to notice your distress and quickly changea the conversation to something else. 

Thankfully, it works. There are no other sad moments where your mind goes to Jungkook and you find yourself enjoying your conversation with Namjoon and that was more than enough. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

It's three in the afternoon, you conclude after checking your watch. Which means another interview left and after that the boys can rest, until the late-night show of course. This also, means that there's another hour for you to just relax in the AC room. After that, you will have to get to work to remove Namjoon's makeup.

You lay down on the sofa and scroll through Instagram. What's better entertainment than this? 

Your fingers get to work and start scrolling, one meme after the other. Some you find hilarious, some you need to read twice to get and some you simply roll your eyes at. But you guess, that's just how memes are.

However, it's after a few more posts that you find one which simply makes you blink in disbelief. 

It's a picture from the news outlet dispatch. The picture in question is of Jungkook's with his arms around a woman. On reading the caption you realise that the said woman is, Niki from the girl group JION. And to no one's surprise, the photo has caused a stir on the internet and apparently, everyone's talking about it. 

You exit Instagram and open Google. You search for Jungkook and Niki are immediately met with a bunch of articles. Each of them discusses their possible relationship and whether or not they are dating. 

When you feel like you have had enough of the sick churning of your stomach, you close all apps and just shut your phone. 

Wow. 

This is something.

It leaves you perplexed and with a bunch of emotions, you have no idea how to deal with. 

Was he already seeing the woman when you left that note? Gosh, if that's the case, it would be so embarrassing. 

Is that why he thought it would be best to just get rid of you? Was that why he made that sudden move out of nowhere? Couldn't he just tell you that he is dating someone else? Learning this from a news outlet, for every reason, feels painful.

It's not even the fact that he is dating someone. It's just the fact that you both have become such strangers that he feels like a distant person you once used to know. All because you decided to trust him with your feelings.

But most likely it didn't matter. Your feelings didn't matter. You're someone who's always behind the scenes, someone who no one knows. But him? He is the world-renowned artist. He is the one who earns in millions and has an army of fangirls, quite literally. Why should he waste his time caring about how you feel? More importantly, why did you expect him to? 

It was undoubtedly a mistake on your part to have trusted him. As they say, expectations lead to heartbreaks and maybe you had to learn it the hard way. 

But that doesn't mean the pain is anywhere near acceptable. You needed a way to vent your anger, so you do the only thing that comes to your mind.

You block him on all social media sites.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Two weeks since the rumour about Jungkook and Niki dating begun and it's still all over the net. Why, you ask? Because the two people involved in the matter aren't helping their case at all. 

They have been spotted several times together and thus have been fuelling the rumours further. 

It angered you. Weren't idols supposed to be very careful about their relationships? Why were then, these two, flaunting their relationship for the world to see?

You're aware you sound bitter and ridiculous because no one should have to hide if they are dating someone but you just can't help yourself. No matter how hard you try, news about Jungkook and Niki would somehow or the other appear on your feed, be it on insta or Google. It just became unavoidable as these two were everywhere.

The comments didn't help either. People adored them. 

Apparently, these two were the perfect match for each other. Both maknaes of their individual groups and both fan favourites. 

It made it suck all the more for you. 

Argh. 

"Have you seen my chapstick?" Namjoon asks as soon as he enters the room. "Hobi just lectured me about how I should always keep my lips moisturised." 

"It should be in the drawer," you reply and get up to look for the chapstick. "Let me check once."

As it turns out, it indeed was in the drawer. You hand the small tube to him and as soon as you take a seat again, the door swings open to reveal someone you would have never imagined seeing. 

Niki.

"Namjoon oppa," she smiled, putting her dimples on display. "I was looking for you."

Namjoon turned around at the sound of his name. His expression too turns into that of surprise when he realises who it is. "Niki! I didn't know you'd be coming."

Huh, makes the two of us. 

The two idols chit chat and you ignore all of it. Simply, because they seem to get along really well and if there's one thing you know about Namjoon it's how protective he is of all the members. But if he likes and approves of Niki, well you guess she and Jungkook might just be the perfect match. 

It's not like Niki totally ignores your presence. She shoots you a smile that's sweet and warm, and you smile at her right back. Your's looking a tad bit less sincere.

Thankfully, whatever conversation the two of them were having soon comes to an end and Niki leaves the room. 

As soon as it is just you and Namjoon, you blurt out the question you have been wanting to ask for a long time. 

"Are they really dating?" 

Namjoon doesn't seem too surprised by your question, if anything he looks like he expected it. However, he does look hesitant to answer. "Umm, yes they are."

Shit. 

You don't know why you had to ask the question but you did, and now you got your pretty little confirmation and now you're hurting again. 

Well, shit, indeed.

But but but, why was Namjoon hesitant to answer? Was he perhaps aware you had feelings for Jungkook? Had Jungkook told him the reason of requesting a change? 

Fuck, you should really have kept your curiosity to yourself because now your mind is running wild and it's not helping you at all. 

"But, I don't think it's anything serious," Namjoon adds after a beat of silence then nods as if reassuring himself that it was the right thing to say.

It makes you even more paranoid that Namjoon knows about your little more than crush on Jungkook and it makes you want to flee from the spot. 

"Uhmmm, I need to pee," you squeak out and immediately shut your eyes because gosh that was stupid. 

"Uhh, okay." Thankfully, Namjoon isn't weirded out by your silly choice of words. Instead, he looks amused and there might have been something else in his gaze but you are too embarrassed to take notice.

You quickly leave the room and rush your way to the washroom. As soon as you're in, you splash your face with water.

What the fuck? Does Namjoon know? Does it mean that the other members know too? How are you ever going to face them again? 

Shit. Shit. Shit.

This is no good. You should have never confessed. You should never have listened to those excited beats of your heart and to those fluttering butterflies. Look where it got you.

"Don't worry about it, babe. It's all cool, it's all under control now." A voice reaches your ears from one of the stalls in the washroom. 

You assume the woman must be talking on the phone and you ignore it.

"Yes, I know how you feel about it but trust me this whole thing with Jungkook should be over in like a few weeks."

Now, that has your ears all perked up in attention. 

"You know, I don't even like him like that."

What. The. Fuck. 

"I'm not mad at you for it, relax babe, I love you."

And just like that, you hear the toilet flush and the doorknob jiggling followed by Niki stepping out. 

You pour the liquid soap on your hand and wash your hands with them just to look like you weren't eavesdropping on her conversation with her babe. 

Although, could it really be called eavesdropping when she was speaking so loudly? 

Thankfully, Niki doesn't find your behaviour suspicious and leaves the washroom with a small smile lingering on her lips. 

Uhh okay then. 

This is something. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

As soon as the shock dials down and you could think, you knew you had to tell someone. 

You don't know what and how to say, though. You can't just claim that Niki is cheating on Jungkook, despite your initial assumption being that. Because people call their siblings babe too right? Or their best friends? Yes, you can't just assume that she's having an affair behind everyone's back. 

But what you're plenty sure of and have heard Niki admitting is that she does not have feelings for Jungkook. What the heck is going on then? 

Before your mind can start running in circles, the door swings open announcing someone's arrival. Much to your relief, it's Namjoon, someone you can be honest with, without worrying about the technicalities. 

"Listen, I need to talk to you about something," you say, your voice coming out nervous yet firm.

Namjoon takes notice of your nervousness and smiles at you warmly, hoping to put you at ease. "Sure, go ahead."

"I went to the washroom and uhm, I heard Niki talking on the phone about something and I think you should know about it."

A small frown appears on Namjoon's face because of all things, he did not expect that what you had to say was anything related to Niki. He, however, keeps quiet and gives you an encouraging hum to go on. 

"I–She told someone over the phone that she doesn't really have feelings for Jungkook."

Namjoon looks as shocked as you had been but his shock wears off much much quicker than yours did. 

For the first time, he looks a little awkward having this conversation. Scratching the back of his neck, he gives you a small awkward chuckle. "I see what you're saying."

Your first thought to this reaction is that he does not believe you. It would make sense for that to be the case if Jungkook really had told Namjoon about the note. But that does not mean you don't feel incredibly offended and hurt right now. Just because you liked Jungkook does not mean you'd be lying. Is that how much faith Namjoon had in you?

"I'm not lying!" Your voice doesn't hide the emotions you're feeling, not that you were trying to hide them anyway. 

Namjoon's eyes widen and he immediately shakes his head. "No, no, no. That's not what I meant."

You cross your arms and look at him with a scowl, refusing to believe his words. "What did you mean then?" 

He yet, again looks a little sheepish as he answers, "It's just that I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything to me," you reply without missing a beat. "This has nothing to do with me. It has to do with Jungkook. Tell him that this girl probably has some ulterior motives or something. Save him from the heartbreak he will inevitably go through when he comes to that realisation himself."

"You're right, that's exactly what I should do." Something in Namjoon seems to click and he nods. "Wait, I'll be right back."

Just like that, he's walking out in a hurry leaving you all alone in the room. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

It's been fifteen minutes since Namjoon left. 

At first, you were walking with hurried steps from one end of the room to the other but then your anxiety got too much for you and you decided to sort out the skincare items and put them in place. 

Productivity is better than burning calories by walking in circles in a room. Right?

You were only putting the new moisturizer in the drawer when someone clears their throat to announce their presence. 

It rightfully startles you and you let out a small yelp. 

However, when you realise who the person standing in front of you is, it makes your stomach sink. 

Jungkook. 

The same Jungkook you have been avoiding for weeks. Not that it was difficult though, he had never really made any effort to reach out to you. But whatever. 

You swiftly look away from him and get back to work, not wanting to pay him any attention. Why should you? You're not his makeup artist anymore, he does not have any business to be here. 

"Umm, I need to talk to you about Niki." 

You don't respond.

Your silence is met with a sigh from Jungkook. 

"Hyung told me what you heard Niki say. Ummm can you please not share it with anyone else?" 

Maybe it was something about the way the words were phrased but they did not sit well with you.

Your hands pause and a scoff of disbelief makes its way past your lips. Is...is that what he wanted to talk to you about? 

That too, of all things to ask you to not tell others about it? As if you had told Namjoon about it to spread some sort of gossip. The only reason you bothered with it was because....well, you were worried for Jungkook. 

But imagine caring about someone despite being treated the way Jungkook treated you and then that person coming to talk to you for the first time in weeks only to tell you not to get involved. As if it was by choice. 

One thing was for sure, you were this close to letting out the words you have been holding in for a long long time. Your position as a makeup artist be damned. 

"It's just that if word gets out she will be framed as the wrong guy."

She....she will be the one framed as the wrong guy? And you being the one who could potentially do it, doesn't make you sound like the villain? What he's saying is you could do something that could end up making Niki the victim.

That's it. You have had enough. 

"Do you even know what you're saying?"  You speak the words out with your tone laced with every bit of anger you have been keeping in for weeks. 

Jungkook winces. "I do–"

"Let me finish. I have no business telling people what I heard Niki speak on the phone with lord knows who. Heck, if I was selfish I would have just stayed out of it because who's gonna believe my words against those millions of articles and fans shipping you two? But the only reason I thought you should know about it is because what if you really loved her or something? Knowing it later when you're much more invested would be way more painful and crushing." 

Something enters in his gaze but you're too furious to notice or to even pause to give him the time to form a response.

"Not to mention that you treated me like trash. Didn't bother talking to me. Changed your staff without giving a proper reason. Heck, I might just be a make-up artist and you might be a world-renowned artist but I thought we were more than that," for the first time since you started speaking, your voice goes quiet. "To me, you were more than the idol everyone sees. Maybe that's why I assumed I was also someone more than just a make-up artist to you."

"But I guess I was wrong," your voice cracks and as soon as the sound of your wavering voice reaches your ears, you know it's time to shut up. Because no way in hell are you going to cry in front of Jungkook. 

But somehow that single voice crack says a lot.

You have seen Jungkook cry in pain and frustration. You have seen him laugh until his stomach started to hurt. You have seen him drink until he's all giggles and smiles. Those moments had led you to believe that you two were friends, at least. But then if you two ever were friends, he has disrespected that friendship way too much for you to be calm about it.

Jungkook looks at the ground as if it would magically give him the answer to the question of what he should do now. When it doesn't, Jungkook battles himself and ultimately decides that it's best for him to simply say the truth.

He has complicated things enough.

"Niki and I aren't dating." 

------------------------------------------------------

Permanant Taglist:

@bloodline1632 @embrace-themagic @jeonsorchid @fragmentof-indiffernce @royallyjjk @jeonninja @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @blairscott @jungkookslittlebun @hunbun07 @chimchimmarie

Fic Taglist:

@coffeedepressionsoup @perfectlyfangirling @armydgirl

[kawaikisses]

m.list ; Reading list.

Updated. Jan 22, 2024.

Note : I read k-pop idols x reader/ orginal female character fics, so this list is organized keeping that in mind, I do not personally have any issues with other genders, this is just my preference. Thankyou. If you hate unnecessarily, sincerely, no fucks will be given.

(everything is organized by alphabetical order)

↬𝐁𝐘 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄.

angst .

fluff .

smut .

↬𝐁𝐘 𝐀𝐔’𝐒.

artist au .

arranged marriage au .

assassin au .

baker au .

bartender au .

BDSM au .

best friend’s brother au .

best friends to lovers au .

best friend’s sister au .

boyfriend au .

camboy au .

camgirl au .

camp counselor au .

CEO au .

chef au .

childhood friends to lovers au .

club au .

college au .

coworker au .

crime au .

dad au .

doctor au .

dancer au .

detective au .

divorce au .

enemies to lovers au .

established relationship au .

exes to lovers au .

fantasy au .

farm au .

father au .

friends to benefits au .

friends to lovers au .

fuckboy au .

fuckgirl au .

forbidden au .

gamer au .

god au .

hitman au .

horror au .

husband au .

hybrid au .

idiots to lovers au .

idol au .

king au .

lawyer au .

mafia au .

magic au .

medical au .

musician au .

neighbours au .

noona au .

one night stand au .

photographer au .

pirates au .

professor au .

prince au .

rich au .

road trip au .

roommate au .

royalty au .

second chance au .

secret relationship au .

sex worker au .

single parent au .

social media au .

songwriter au .

soulmate au .

spy au .

superhero au .

supernatural au .

tattoo artist au .

teacher au .

unrequited love au .

vampire au .

werewolf au .

wife au .

↬𝐁𝐘 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐒.

kim namjoon .

kim seokjin .

min yoongi .

jung hoseok .

park jimin .

kim taehyung .

jeon jungkook .

ot7 .

↬𝐁𝐘 𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐄.

drama .

hurt/comfort .

magic .

mutual pining .

mystery .

romance .

slow burn .

thriller .

age play .

crack .

Note : please let me know if any of the links are not working. Thankyou.

Note : since Tumblr only allows 100 links per page, so this list will be continued in another page, which is linked down below.

↬masterlist continued .

[hamsterclaw]

Bangtan Christmas 2023

It's my favourite time of the year again. Welcome to this collection of stories depicting Bangtan struggling to get into the Christmas spirit. Luckily you're there to help them.

Paediatrician Dr Jung Hoseok is beloved by all his patients and everyone he works with. Unfortunately his cheerful demeanour is only a front, underneath it all, he's a humbug.

Date of posting: 19th December.

In a post nuclear war world, all you have is your son Jiwon. You'd do anything to keep him safe, including putting your trust in your new neighbour Kim Namjoon. You hope you haven't made the biggest mistake of your life.

Written in response to an ask I got early in the year - a story I've kept chipping away at and now it's finally finished. Anon, I think about you often and I hope you and your kids are doing well. I hope you've had time to heal and no longer think of yourself as a heartbroken single mom, because you are and have always been more than that.

Date of posting: 20th December.

You find yourself on Earth, navigating life as a fallen angel with the help of Jungkook, who has his own problems.

Date of posting: 21st December.

A wounded man falls out of the sky and lands in your garden, plunging you into a world of danger and dragons. Part of the Royal Pain AU, featuring Jimin as a dragon rider.

Date of posting: 22nd December.

You know Kim Taehyung can't be trusted from the moment you set eyes on him, he's a rogue through and through. So why did you agree to work together?

Date of posting: 23rd December.

Kim Seokjin is a lot of things to you. The high school heartthrob you never got with, the fuckboi you hooked up with occasionally in college, and now the chaebol boss you didn't sign up to work for. Things he's never been? A man you can rely on.

Date of posting: 24th December.

Min Yoongi only cares about three things. The thrill of drifting, his friends and cars, in that order. Somehow, you've got under his skin.

Date of posting: 25th December.

[moonficrecs]

Favourite Series Part 1

🌙 - all time favourite

✔️ - completed series

👩🏻‍💻 - ongoing series

1. Mutual Help by @personasintro 🌙👩🏻‍💻

synopsis: in order for you to pretend to be his girlfriend, he helps you with your sexual desires ⏤ he calls it a mutual help

genre: fluff, angst, smut, slow burn, fake dating au

2. Our Time by @taestefully-in-luv 🌙👩🏻‍💻

summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

genre: Darker themes, crime au, mystery, fluff, heavy angst, smut, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

3. Clash by @matchagator 🌙👩🏻‍💻

summary: You're a new resident in your very first apartment excited to enjoy the simple life of adulthood. Unfortunately for you, you continue to run into unruly neighbors no matter how much you try to keep to yourself.

genre: Slice of Life | Neighbors

4. Bad Decision by @alphabetboyluvr 🌙👩🏻‍💻

synopsis: ready to make some bad decision?

genre: strangers to friends to lovers - slow burn

5. Long way home by @sparklingchim ✔️

synopsis: jungkook's life makes an 180 degree turn when he's suddenly a single dad and while you're trying to help him come accustomed to the new circumstances, your long-standing friendship takes new turns as well.

genre: single dad jk, boxer!jk friends to lovers, !angst!

6. Day by day by @hansolmates ✔️

summary: a series of drabbles about two best friends raising a child together

genre/warnings: dilf!jungkook x best friend!reader (f) angst, longing, pining, mc is a homebody, unrequited love (or is it?), potential idiots 2 lovers, best friends 2 lovers, but there’s a poopy ex-girlfriend, potential toxic relationship, alcohol use, explicit language, eventual fluff, eventual smut summary; a series of drabbles about two best friends raising a child together.

7. A little taste by @jeonqkooks 🌙👩🏻‍💻

synopsis: It all started with a little oral fixation...

genre: established relationship, mainly smut - everything is basically pwp, some fluff here and there

8. Practice by @chryblossomjjk ✔️

genre: fuckboy!jk x inexperienced reader. m/18+ | college au, fwb, smut, fluff, angst

9. For me by @personasintro 🌙👩🏻‍💻

summary: A collection of drabbles accompanied with dilf!jk

genre: dilf au, enemies to lovers au, neighbors au | fluff, angst, smut

10. All I want by @sxtaep 👩🏻‍💻

synopsis: You fall into the temptation of fucking your best friend, aka the biggest fuckboy on campus.

genre: fluff, smut

11. Always you by @taestefully-in-luv ✔️

summary: You and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack

12. Red by @taestefully-in-luv ✔️

summary: You drunkenly sleep with your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Can’t be that bad right? Unless he gets you pregnant.

genre: FLUFF, smut, angst:(( pregnancy au

13. Rule #5 by @taestefully-in-luv ✔️

summary: You strike up a fwb deal with your good friend Jungkook after kissing him one night after a dare. But you have rules…5 of them to be exact and it seems Jungkook doesn’t want to follow any of them.

genre: fwb, friends to ???, fluff, angst, smut

14. Runaway by @archivedkookie 👩🏻‍💻

summary: When your best friend's brother, your first-ever crush, offers to help you explore your sexual desires, you just can't refuse. Especially when it's someone as irresistible as Jeon Jungkook.

genre: best friend’s brother au, fwb (they’re not rlly friends tho), 4 years age gap, smut, angst, fluff, slow burn

15. As we were by @archivedkookie 👩🏻‍💻

summary: Your husband Jungkook was your life, your reason to breathe. And when he cheats on you with another woman, it leaves you to wonder parts of yourself you were to afraid to get to know.

genre: divorce au, infidelity au, eventual smut, heavy angst, mutual pining

[yoonkookieluv]

This are some fics I’m obsessed with

I started reading fics just a few months ago and this are some of my favorites 🥰

I’m so glad I found these amazing stories by these incredible authors 💓 each story is a masterpiece and if you can please give them a try and don’t forget to give these authors lots of love for their hard work and creativity 🫶🏻

SERIES

Mutual help by @personasintro

Genre: fluff, angst, smut, slow burn, fake dating au

Sumary: in order for you to pretend to be his girlfriend, he helps you with your sexual desires ⏤ he calls it a mutual help

Red by @taestefully-in-luv

Genre: FLUFF, smut, angst:(( pregnancy au

Summary: You drunkenly sleep with your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Can’t be that bad right? Unless he gets you pregnant.

Always you by @taestefully-in-luv

Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack

Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

Rule #5 by @taestefully-in-luv

Genre: fwb au, friends to lovers, fluff, maybe a little angst, SMUT

Summary: You strike up a fwb deal with your childhood friend Jungkook after kissing him one night after a dare. But you have rules…5 of them to be exact and it seems Jungkook doesn’t want to follow any of them.

As we were by @archivedkookie

Genre: divorce au, infidelity au, eventual smut, heavy angst, lots of pining

Summary: Your husband cheats on you and find comfort in someone else’s arms. He claims he’s happy—but is he really?

Long way home by @sparklingchim

genre: dilf!jungkook, friends to lovers, fluff, little bit of angst

summary: the one where you babysit jungkook's baby and somehow let the night end up with being a cockblock for him.

Cruel intentions by @explicit-tae

Genre: smut, Mafia!Jungkook

Summary: You adored your eldest brother - you truly did. Before his addiction got the best of him, he was amazing at caring for you and your other siblings. Now, however, it was your turn to care for him without the help of your siblings who long abandoned him, advising you to do the same. Once your brother manages to get himself imprisoned, you realize just how much trouble he got himself into. Once your family is threatened, you offer to pay off the debts your brother owes with the one thing any powerful man couldn't resist - your virginity.

Practice by @chryblossomjjk

genre: m/18+ | college au, fwb, smut, fluff, angst

summary: You usually spend Friday nights on your own. Tonight, however, your friend and campus fuckboy, Jungkook, decides to pay you a visit.

Bloodline by @jjkeverlast

genre: slow burn (sorry y’all) smut (a lot of it oop-) humor, angst and college au

summary a relationship was the last thing you wanted, but having wild and experimenting sex? now that was something, and jeon jungkook is there to give you simply that. as long as either catch feelings… but that won’t be hard for you knowing you’d never go for a guy like jungkook, although jungkook might have another opinion about you. let the (fun) begin!

Just friends by @kinktae

genre: uh best friend AU but really just an excuse for angsty smut

summary: The transition from best friends to best friends with benefits is never easy, especially when there’s a daddy kink involved.

Blackout by @jjungxkook

genre: best friends to lovers, roommate and college au, fluff, crack, smut

summary: Utility bills shooting up like this should be an international crime. Luckily, Jungkook has the perfect idea(s) to save up money and make your night sinfully unforgettable.

I loved you by @kimtaesss

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to (?)

Summary: being friends for 10 years means nothing, especially when he betrays your trust so easily.

Bad Guy by @taehoneys

Genre: Drama

Summary: A certain video circulates the school after your big mistake and you never do mistakes, but you did this time… a big one: Jeon Jungkook

Leave the door open by @here4btsfics

Genre: smut, a dash of fluff, humor

Summary: Your neighbor loves to sing karaoke in the middle of the night. You finally get fed up and confront him about it. Except when he opens the door, you realize you’re screwed. He’s gorgeous. 

THIRTY-FIVE by @bangtansmauyeondan

Genre: rivals au, social media au, frenemies to lovers, mutual pining, slow burn, fluff, smut, angst, crack.

Summary: It has always been the battle of the best between you and your college rival, Jungkook. What happens when years later, you cross paths again working for the same broadcasting network company, and the competitive flame is rekindled? Well, a whole new drunken bet that determines your futures wasn’t in your line of vision, but here you are… and you have until 35.

Out of Time - JJK by @97erstan

Genre: angst | smut

Summary: after being invited to your ex's wedding, he invites you to visit his room for a final goodbye.

OUR TIME by @taestefully-in-luv

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

An abundance of luck & a sprinkle of fate by @borathae

(Spin-Off to I hate you I love you)

Pairing: CEO!Jungkook x Sexworker!Reader 

Genre: Strangers to Lovers!AU, BDSM, Hurt and Comfort, Smut, Romance, Fluff, Angst

Summary: When two souls, with different reasons for why life has broken them, find together, it needs a whole lot of a luck and a little bit of fate to make them see that maybe healing together isn’t as bad as it sounds.

Love to Hate by @kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: Jungkook / Reader

Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Fuck Buddies!AU

Summary: Born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you've done your best to rid yourself of the taste since you were old enough to walk. Occasionally though, your mother manages to rope you into an obligatory function – or a blind date with playboy billionaire, Jeon Jungkook. Jungkook stands for everything you loathe about the world you left behind, but you can’t deny the spark of attraction between you. Intrigued by the promise of mutual satisfaction, you agree to one night in bed… and quickly realize you’re in far, far deeper than you ever intended.

Runaway by @archivedkookie

pairing ; tattoo artist / biker!jk x reader 

genre ; best friend’s brother au, fwb (they’re not rlly friends tho), 4 years age gap, smut, angst, fluff, slow burn

summary ; When your best friend's brother, your first-ever crush, offers to help you explore your sexual desires, you just can't refuse. Especially when it's someone as irresistible as Jeon Jungkook.

Paradise by @minisugakoobies

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: smut, neighbors to lovers, slow burn, love triangle, Stripper!AU

summary: That sexy man on stage - the one currently giving your friend the lap dance of her LIFE - is your super shy neighbor, Jeon Jungkook?!

ONE SHOTS

CRAZY by @personasintro

Pairing: jungkook x reader, jungkook x f!character

Genre: angst, smut, cheating au

Summary: your boyfriend comes with an idea

THIRTEEN ROUNDS by @moni-logues

Pairing: Boxer!Jungkook x f!reader

Genre: smut smut smut smut smut! sex ban smut lmao; established relationship

Summary: JK’s boxing coach tells him he can’t come for four weeks before his title fight. Ah, four weeks isn’t that long, right? … Right?

SERIES

The island by @taestefully-in-luv

Genre: strangers to lovers, slight enemies to lovers, soulmates au, roommate au, slow burn, fluff, smut, angst, slight crack, and drama.

Summary: You’re just two strangers waking up in a room on a lonely island where a company in the business of love has placed you. They believe that thanks to their in depth research you two are destined soulmates. What happens when your ‘soulmate’ and you want nothing to do with each other but falling in love is the only way to leave?

if it’s not you · kth (m) by @mercurygguk

content; exes to lovers!au, smut/angst, a bit of fluff

summary; Kim Taehyung grew up watching his parents fall more in love for each day that passed and he always longed for that great, passionate love himself. But if it’s not you? Then he doesn’t want it

I HATE YOU, I LOVE YOU by @borathae

Pairing: Taehyung x f.Reader, minor Jungkook x f.Reader 

Genre: Enemies to Lovers!AU, Arranged Marriage!AU, CEO!Taehyung, CEO!Reader, Romance, Smut, Fluff, Angst 

Summary: “You are marrying Kim Taehyung, heir to Kim Enterprises, one of South Korea’s hottest bachelors and a total pain in the ass. You do not want to marry him and neither does he want to marry you. But in families likes yours’, marriage does not come with love. “

ONE SHOTS

Pick of the Patch by @taestefully-in-luv

Genre: fluff, angst, smut, enemies to lovers

Summary: You’re a struggling artist with a strong desire to escape so when your mother suddenly calls and asks you to return home to replace her in this years Harvest Festival dance, you never said yes faster. However, she informs you that you’ll be working with another dancer, Kim Taehyung and upon meeting, you decide you do not like him…but right when you think you could grow up and move past it, Taehyung makes it clear that he does not like you either.

SERIES

Love Again | PJM by @taestefully-in-luv

Genre: exes au, exes to ???, fluff, angst, smut

Summary: A friend of yours is eager to introduce you to her new man but what happens when Park Jimin, the man who broke your heart 5 years ago walks in through the door?

SERIES

monachopsis by @personasintro

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: angst, fluff, smut, mini series

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; after receiving unpleasant news that doesn't allow you to grow your family, your husband comes up with an idea that unfortunately involves his brother whom he despises

Away From You by @personasintro

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff, angst, smut, divorce!au

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; Trying to divorce Yoongi might be harder than you thought it’d be. Especially when you’re having a two year old toddler.

ONE SHOTS

Stay High by @personasintro

genre: fluff, angst, smut

synopsis; You’ve to stay high to keep your ex out off your mind when he comes back into your life.

Selfish Love by @personasintro

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: yoongi x reader

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: infidelity au, smut, angst (?), drabble

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; we’re all a little bit selfish sometimes

SERIES

Sanguis Alpha by @borathae

Pairing: OT7 x f.Reader with main Taehyung x f.Reader & Yoongi x f.Reader

Genre: Mystery, Fantasy, Romance, Smut, University!AU, Vampire!AU

Synopsis: You change universities after moving towns. Your new university is an old, ancient building with secret tunnels and whispered ghost stories. There are two fraternities, which for some reason always seem to be in a quarrel. Alpha consisting of Kim Taehyung, Kim Namjoon, Park Jimin and Min Yoongi. Handsome, porcelain skinned men, who act as if they are out of another century and for some reason everyone on campus seems to be scared of. And Sanguis consisting of Jeon Jungkook, Kim Seokjin and Jung Hoseok. Men with skin just as pale and their faces just as beautiful, who always wear sunglasses when it is light outside and who never seem to open their curtains. And for some peculiar reason you always find yourself in the middle of them....

[chimsworldsstuff]

BTS FANFICTIONS RECOMMANDATIONS PT.2

Min Yoongi

Hush | coworkers au series | by @alphabetboyluvr

Only yestarday | neighbours au series | by @borathae

Kintsugi | strangers to lovers AU | by @moni-logues

Mixtape | friends to lovers series | by @sailoryooons

Jung Hoseok

I fell first but he fell harder | dancing series AU | by @back2bluesidex

Park Jimin

Non sense | enemies to lovers series | by @muniimyg

Nectar | vampire AU series | roommates to lovers series | by @gimmethatagustd

The iron ring | fantasy AU series | by @sailoryooons

Caught in a lie | strangers to friends to lovers AU | by @jkeuphoriadreamland

Better | best friends to lovers series | by @jeonggukookies

Kim Taehyung

Please love me | friends with benefits AU series | by @muniimyg

I hate you, I love you | enemies to lovers AU series | by @borathae

Maybe I do | arranged marriage AU series | by @chateautae

Jeon Jungkook

Too young | single parent AU series | by @jeonggukookies

Dextrocardia | enemies to lovers series | by @jeonstudios

He doesn't deserve you | strangers to lovers series| by @ahgasegotarmy116

New girl | roommates to lovers series | by @jjkeverlast

Best friends..? | best friends to lovers drabble series | by @just4koo

Hold me closer | brother's best friend AU series | by @ahundredtimesover

Meraki | enemies to lovers series | by @taegularities

Colour me in | fake dating AU | by @taegularities

Casual | idiots to lovers series | fuckboys and love triangle AU series | by @muniimyg

[hannarchive]

🎆 HANNArchive 1st Anniversary BTS Fic Recs 🎆

So today is this blogs’ 1 year aniversary 🥺 I actually just made this archive for myself to save the fics i like and might want to read again one day. I didn’t expect to get so many notes and followers just from my navigation post that I made cause i literally forget everything I’ve read immediately and i need the detailed tag-system lmao. Like, i can barely remember what i read yesterday. 🙃 But I’m happy other people are finding my blog useful as well. ✨

Anyway, so i thought i’d make a fic recs list. These are the same fics that’s in my 💖 tag, which is my personal favorites, but i thought i would make a list thats nicer than just going through the tag.

✰ Like real people do by @bangtanloverboys (3.6k) Tae x Y/N, friends/colleagues 2 lovers. Fluff, slight angst, soft smut. ⋆ This is such a comfort fic for me, I too am lonely and touch starved where’s my taehyung ):

✰ Hunt me down by @bonny-kookoo (series, ongoing) Alien!JK x Human!Reader. Fluff, angst, smut. ⋆ I just love her stuff, go read all her other alien fics while you’re at it - and all her other stuff too!

✰ Reconnect by bonny-kookoo (12.5k) Exes 2 lovers, Singlemom!Reader, Dad!JK, angst, smut.

✰ Ignorantly, yours by @ot7always (10.6k) Alpha!Jimin x Omega!Reader -Werewolf AU, Best friends 2 lovers. Smut, angst, fluff.

✰ Knot today by @kinktae (5.8k) alpha!JK x virgin omega!reader - Werewolf AU, roommates. Mostly smut, pwp, with som angst and fluff.

✰ Colours by @lovelytaes-blog (Series) Singledad!Tae x Artist!Y/N - Angst, fluff, smut.  

✰ (1.5k drabble +) sorry (not sorry) by @angelguk (8.1k) Roommate!JK x Y/N - Smut with sprinkles of fluff and angst.

✰ The Sadness of things by @lubdubsworld (Series) Alpha!JK x Omega!OC - Arranged Marriage AU. HEAVY angst, smut, fluff (Please check the trigger warnings) ⋆ Listen, this nearly killed me. I cried several times and even full on sobbed at one point. Broke my heart but it’s so good! 😭 Edit: Find all of the chapters here

✰ War of hearts by @btswrckd (Series) Mafia!Tae x Y/N - Arranged Marriage AU. Angst, fluff, smut. ⋆ I really love the characters in this - despite some dark themes it’s quite entertaining and endearing how everyone interacts with eachother.

✰ Strain by @evangelene (Series) Taehyung x Y/N - Hanahaki AU. Angst, fluff. 

✰ Summer nights and morning dew by @jeonstudios (11k) Alpha!JK x Y/N - Werewolf AU. Fluff, angst. ⋆ This is so cute!!! 

✰ Out of the woods by @angelicyoongie (Series) WolfHybrid!Joon x Y/N - Fluff, angst, smut. 

✰ Nude by @btssmutgalore (Series) Fuckboy!Tae x Y/N - Smut, fluff, angst.

✰ Summer Nights by @marginalmadness (Series) RabbitHybrid!JK x Y/N - Romance, fluff, smut. 

[chimcess]

Dino-Mite || knj

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader (ft. Taehyung x Reader) Other tags: Archeologist!Namjoon, Paleontologist!Reader, Ph.D!Student!Reader, Ph.D. student!Namjoon, Pet Store Cashier!Reader Genre: College!AU, Ivy League!AU, Neighbors!AU, Strangers to lovers!AU, Idiots to lovers (i2l), Fuckboy!AU, Age Gap!AU, fluff, angst, awkward love story, Smut Word Count: 34.7k+ Synopsis: With the end of her college career coming to an end, Y/N is about to make her way into the adult world outside of Harvard. That’s when she finds an unlikely friendship with her sex-crazed neighbor, Namjoon, who shows her how unexpected life can be. Warnings: They’re so cute, too much dinosaur talk, slow start, Older Reader, alcohol consumption (not reader), Mentions of bad sexual experiences (not reader and Joon), talks about unsupportive parents, talks about character death (not in story), Anxiety, Reader is horny, too shy to say it, Sweet Namjoon, very supportive relationship, past bad relationships, inexperienced reader, fuck boy Joon (kinda), Tae is a creep (sorry), daddy kink, soft dom!Joon, spanking (like twice), fingering, penetration, protected sex (wrap it up), degradation, I have never written smut before (I’m trying my best lol), pretty vanilla all things considered, let me know if I missed anything A/N: This is a lot of fun for me and a nice change of pace from my usual projects. I really love this couple, and I hope you enjoying reading <3

Listen to the Playlist || Cross posted on ao3: here

I sighed and looked back into the magnifying glass. It had been damaged, the ivory tusk lightly chiseled away, but my elation was not dimmed. Even with the cracks and chips, the massive bone was in my hands. I had weighed and measured it extensively before beginning a thorough investigation of the fossil. It was about 2.6 meters long, and even my bitterness over not having an entire skull to work with was overshadowed by the beauty of the Woolly Mammoth. I quickly noted the damage and the off-white color of the bone. I looked back down. 

I had been in the fossil room for hours now. As one of the TAs, a professor of mine had emailed me to come down and check out the new shipment. Dr. Lupon and I had been together since I had started my freshman year at Harvard. 12 years later, I am now 29 and still stuck at school researching rocks and bones just as I did all those years ago. And while we could gush about rocks together any day of the week, she knew that I had been waiting for the new fossils to come in. I loved bones even more than rocks. 

My eyes began to burn, and I quickly gave them a rub before returning to my assignment. I was almost finished. I glanced at my wristwatch and groaned. It was nearing 3 in the morning, and I had a lecture in less than 5 hours. It was time to call it quits for the night. I made quick work of putting the tusk back in its proper place, taking great care with it, and cleaning up my workstation. It was 4 when I finally got out of the lab. 

Massachusetts was beautiful in the winter. I loved the snow and the way the wind nipped the tip of my nose. It was a nice change from the hot, dry climates I faced in the summer. Expeditions with Dr. Montgomery were as fun as they were horrendous. I took a huge breath of air and sighed out in relief. No sand in my nose. No mosquitoes. No sunburns. Just a winter wonderland spread across the campus.  

The walk back to my apartment was short. I only lived two blocks away from campus. As expensive as it was, I enjoyed living out of the dorms. I had stayed in them until I had finished with my undergrad and had not moved from my small, one-bedroom flat since. I was a creature of habit. My whimsical side was “strictly reserved for dead things,” as Kendall put it. While it was true, there was one thing that made me just as excited as rocks did.  

I wonder if Taehyung had stopped by tonight. 

I knew he lived in my building, and even if he hardly knew my name, I could pick him out in a crowd. My friends had been insistent I ask him out after two years of pining over him. He often came into Adrian’s, the pet store I worked at, to purchase food for his turtles. Our conversations always focused on his pets and sales, but his smile could make anyone melt. My little crush was justified as was my hesitation. 

Jungkook was just getting home as well. His school sweats and frizzy hair gave away his whereabouts. Even if he did not think I knew about it, Jungkook had been hooking up with a girl I worked with for weeks. A deep, purple mark on his neck was going to be impossible to explain away, but I decided against commenting on it. It was too late, and we were both tired. Kendall would see it anyway.

“Hey, Jeon,” I greeted with a yawn. 

“Sup.” He replied, opening his door before disappearing. 

I was not offended. I did it to him all the time. I threw my keys onto my coffee table before stumbling out of my boots. I was not showering tonight. I began stripping on my way to my room, throwing my clothes on top of other garments from this week, and flopping onto my bed. I was exhausted but my mind was alight. I could not believe that I was the first person to see the mammoth tusk in its glory. My phone chimed next to my head. 

Jungkook: My bad 

Y/N: All good 

Jungkook: Night 

Y/N: Night 

I could faintly hear music coming from my other neighbor’s room. At least it was not the usual. He was nice enough, the week I moved in he had left a small box of cookies in front of my door. However, the good feelings towards him diminished just as quickly. He was a nympho. Almost every night of the week he would have someone on the other side of my wall screaming. Sometimes it was at 9 pm and other times it would wake me up at 4 am and keep me up until my lecture at 7. I closed my eyes and sighed in relief. Tonight would be a quiet night it seemed. 

Then, just as I was on the cusp of sleep, I heard it. A loud, angry bang on the other side. A girl moaned loudly. Huffing, I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, willing for them to stop and watch anime. The sounds got louder. I grabbed my headphones out of my nightstand and quickly put on some music as they connected. I heard another loud bang. 

The music was never loud enough to drown it out, so I lay there, staring at my ceiling, listening to Billy Marten and my neighbor’s headboard slamming into the wall. 

My eyes burned when my alarm went off for the fourth time. I had been considering skipping my morning lecture since the lovebirds next door had been hell all morning. I had not been able to doze off until 6 and an hour later my alarm went off to let me know it was shower time. I kicked my legs childishly before hitting dismiss with too much aggression. Today was going to be awful. 

I forced myself out of bed and into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I glared at my reflection and mentally screamed at her for being such a good student. Never in my entire time at university did I miss a class. Not even my 6 am environmental science course during my freshman year. Giving up on looking decent at all, I haphazardly threw my hair up and rolled my eyes at the strays flying everywhere. God himself could not make me fight with my contact lenses this morning.  

Still, in my sour mood, I stomped around my apartment making a bowl of cereal and grumbling about being out of almond milk. After eating my bowl of too-dry cereal, I slipped on the baggiest gray sweatpants I owned and a Harvard sweatshirt. Jungkook and I were most likely matching. For a law student, he did not give a shit about going to his classes cleaned up like the rest of them. Angry and in the mood to punch a hole through my neighbor’s wall to give him a piece of my mind, I slid into my checkered Vans before locking up. 

Jungkook looked worse than I did. Sweatpants were one thing but to wear plaid striped pajama pants to a law class? Bold move, Jeon. While I was surprised to see him up so early in the morning, I knew he was twice as shocked to see me running late. He raised an eyebrow and eyed me apprehensively. I gave him a lazy wave before starting my descent down the rod iron stairs. 

“You look like shit,” Jungkook said, catching up to me. 

“Aren’t you charming,” I yanked a cap out of my bag and put it on to cover how bad my hair looked. 

“What happened?” 

“Neighbor. Again.” 

He laughed, his nose scrunching up as he did so. Jungkook, like everyone else I knew, was aware of my bad neighbor. We had tried to figure out who it was once, but it always ended up in disaster. The last time was a drunk escapade last year. Instead of sitting in the freezing cold waiting for the man of the hour to show up, I tripped over my own feet walking up the stairs, fell over the railing, and broke my arm. Kendall, my best friend, never let me live it down. 

“Have to hand it to him,” Jungkook giggled. “The guy is drowning in pussy.” 

I shoved him roughly, “You’re so gross. Go away.” 

Jungkook cackled loudly and clutched his stomach. Realizing I was only making myself angrier by sticking around, I walked away. My face was hot, my teeth clenched, and seconds away from crying. Last year, I reminded myself. After this I would be somewhere in the continental U.S., working at the best museums, and as far away from the asshole next door. 

“Aw, come on Y/N,” Jungkook shouted after me. “Don’t be like that.” 

“Whatever!” I yelled over my shoulder. 

Jungkook did not bother to follow me after that. I was a ticking time bomb now, and it was best that everyone stayed clear of me. Finally making it to the bike rack out front, I wasted no time putting in my lock’s combination. Once I sat in my seat I would feel better. Maybe I could stop by the lab after class and have some cool-down time? My hands shook but I managed to unwrap my lock and shoved it into my bike’s cup holder.  

“Morning, Y/N.”  

I shrieked in surprise before whipping my head around to see who was talking to me. The first thing I saw was his chest, his gray tank top sticking to his body with sweat stains soaking through. Taehyung smiled at me, his hair damp from his morning run, and I struggled to breathe at the sight of him. Dear God, why me? Why now?  

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” He said, still catching his breath. 

“Oh,” I exclaimed, “No, no, no.” I waved my hands and nervously laughed. “It’s okay. No harm done. Good morning to you too, Tae.” 

The man’s eyes danced with laughter, and I wanted nothing more than the ground to swallow me whole. It was unfair just how little he noticed me at all. It was even more unfair that he made me feel like I was running a marathon just standing next to him. Flustered, I kicked up my stand and pulled my bike off the rack. 

“I have to get to a lecture, but I’ll see you later,” I said and swung a leg over my seat. 

Jungkook always made fun of me for wearing a helmet when I rode. No one else really did and it looked lame, but I would rather look like an idiot than crack my head open on the concrete if I took a fall. Securing my helmet, I found Taehyung still standing there looking at me. 

“Did you need something?” I asked. 

“Cuff and Link,” He started, “They’ve been having a hard time eating.” 

I nodded. Those were his pet turtles. When I first started working at the pet store, he had come in looking for a low-maintenance pet that would keep him company at home. At the time, he had only been in America for a few months and was having a hard time making friends. Cuff and Link, previously Jim and Pam, were a pair of red-ear sliders that had been stuck at the store for over a year. He ended up taking them both and was in all the time for food, treats, and sometimes just to give updates. 

“I wanted to ask yesterday but you weren’t in when I got there,” He continued. 

“Yeah, we got some new stuff in the museum, and I was cataloging it,” My heart fluttered at the thought of him asking for me. 

“That sounds nice,” He smiled at me. “The other clerk didn’t know what to do about it.” 

“Come by tonight,” I said, glancing at my watch with feign indifference. “My shift starts at 9.” 

He smiled at me, “Thank you. See you later, Y/N.” 

“Bye,” I said and sped off knowing I had successfully ruined my perfect attendance streak. 

I clocked in before securing the khaki apron around my neck. The small mom-and-pop pet store was more expensive than Petco, but its location made up for the small price increase. The owner, Jill, also handcrafted a large majority of the pet outfits and collars, so many of the rich kids I went to school with would prefer to come here. She even did customs for her regulars. I liked the job and had been here since my sophomore year during undergrad. We all knew that I would be leaving the small shop after graduation, and hopefully, the state as well, but never spoke about it. It made Jill sad. 

After my coworker and I said pleasantries and they got me up to date on what needed to be done before closing, he left, and I was alone. I knew Taehyung would come by late. He always did. I was not sure what he did for a living, if he was in school or not, but I was certain I was older than him. My crush was just that- a crush. Nothing to get too hung up on. Even if Taehyung was a daydream, I knew better than to let my mind get away from me.

As I began stocking the shelves, I let my mind wander. It beat getting stuck in the monotonous task of labeling and putting away new pet furniture. I had not dated successfully ever. Most men shied away from me the moment they realized I was a paleontologist. Unless they were in a similar field or mindset, I could understand why it might freak them out. Many of the people I worked with were oddballs. I loved them dearly, but they could be off-putting. Hell, I could be, too. I found that men hated being clueless, many were unable to be in a room with people that made them feel dumb, and I had a bad habit of talking about my work. There are only so many dinosaur facts one can hear before they no longer want to have sex with you. Fragile egos and insecurities only added to that problem. 

So, while I have been on many dates and put myself out there, it still made finding someone difficult. That was why I never went after Taehyung. Sure, I think he is cute but that is the problem. I would only put my foot in my mouth and scare him off. It was much better to allow myself to imagine the possibility of a date rather than ruining it. He could be a piece of garbage and I would have to live with that information, or I could bore him to death and give my friends another reason to mention by name to every straight guy they knew. Thinking about it now, my own fears were justified. I knew next to nothing about the guy. As far as I knew, he was a man who had two pet turtles, had huge muscles, and was a fan of video games. While it was enough to get a vague idea about his likes, it was still not enough to feel like we had enough in common to click. I glanced at the clock. 

9:47 pm.  

I still had another hour at least. He could have a night job… or maybe an exam? He seemed like the type to study. I went to the back and got another large box. Shipments sucked and Cory, one of my coworkers, was normally too busy to get much done during his shift. That meant I was stuck with the grueling process of labeling, scanning, and stocking the entire store. Adrian’s was open 24/7, the only pet store in the city to do so, and I worked until 3 am most days. Except for when I gave morning lectures on Wednesdays and over the weekend. Jill closed early Saturdays and Sundays. She enjoyed spending time with her kids and liked to give us the break. I finished another large box before checking the clock again. 

10:58 pm. 

He could come in at any point now. I stopped trying to keep up with him a while ago. One thing was certain: he never came in before 10:30. Most nights, he dragged himself in around midnight looking like he had just woken from a nap. Some days he would stumble in drunk with a buddy to pick up food at 2 in the morning. If anyone else had come in right before I went home, I would have been angry, but those nights made him more human. His speech was slurred, face flushed, but he was still so perfect. His friend was grumpy and stone-faced but kept him awake long enough to purchase his food and stumble home. Nights like that made it impossible for me to forget about him.

The bell chimed and I quickly stood up. Glancing at the clock, it was half-past 11 and I was happy he was in earlier than I had expected. I began to focus on leveling out my breathing before I saw him. I needed to get together. Taehyung made it hard to breathe and after this morning I was on high alert. No need to embarrass myself even more.  

No amount of controlled breathing could have prepared me for what was waiting by the counter. There he was dressed up, his hair slicked back and styled elegantly with a brown, plaid blazer jacket on. A white turtleneck emphasized his chest and brown slacks hugged his thighs deliciously. This was uncharted territory. I was so used to a casually dressed man with black hair that was wet from the snow that the thought of him looking nice had never entered my mind. Where had he been? Or going? 

It looked like a date. 

“Welcome to Adrian’s,” I called out, my customer service voice on. 

“It’s me,” He replied, scratching the back of his head and smiling. 

Of course, he was on a date. A guy like that had to have countless women at his beck and call. I had heard girls talking about him before. It was always in passing and I had never been able to catch much, but people were interested. I could not even be upset. If I was more confident, I might have asked him out already. I thought about my neighbor and internally cringed at the thought of Taehyung being that guy. No fucking way was he was anything like the man next door. I took a deep breath before walking out onto the main floor. 

“Oh, hey,” I replied, pretending that I had not been admiring him from afar. “Sorry about that, we got a new shipment and I’m always stuck stocking.” 

“No problem,” He flashed one of those close-lipped grins at me, “So, Cuff and Link.” 

I got behind the counter and nodded. Yes, the turtles. He had mentioned they had not been eating and I took some time before my shift to research the subject. There were many problems they could be facing but I needed more information before I gave any advice. I pulled out the large pet book from behind the counter for extra measure. It came in clutch. 

“You said they’re not eating?” I clarified, opening the book and searching for the turtle section. Page 126. Got it. 

“Yeah, it’s been going on for about a week now.” He replied, leaning against the counter on his elbows. 

He was far too close. I subtly shifted away from him and hummed showing that I was listening. I found the section about turtle health. 

“And you’re up to date about their lighting and temperature needs?” 

“I’ve had them for five years now and they have never had these problems before.” 

“I know Taehyung,” I skimmed through the book some more. “Just making sure.” 

He hummed a response, but I did not care to decipher the meaning behind it. It did not sound angry, so I assumed it was not. 

“So, they’re getting 10-12 hours of UVB light a day?” I glanced up at him. 

“Day basking at 90 degrees. and off at night,” He scratched the back of his neck. “Before you ask, their water is 80 degrees.”  

I nodded. That was all perfect for red-ear sliders. I knew the breed from the numerous times he had come in for different items of theirs. I used to be sad that I knew more about the turtles than I did their owner, but I realized how much he loved the little guys and it made everything better. If I was not so busy, I would buy a pet of my own. The only problem being I was always doing something and was extremely irresponsible. There was a reason I preferred dead things. I had killed every fish I had ever owned, and plants were hopeless in my care. Even cacti. 

“Any big move? Stress could make them stop eating.” I stole a glance at him.  

He shook his head no. 

“Nothing like that either. I might just take them to the vet.” Taehyung sighed. 

“What is their normal diet?” I quickly asked. 

He looked so sad. I wanted to find a solution for him. I knew how expensive that vet visit would be, not including the trip across town to the exotic doctor. I skimmed the paragraphs while I waited for an answer. 

“They eat the commercial stuff.” 

I hummed and placed the book on the counter. From what the book said they could be getting bored with their diet. Turtles who only ate commercial food could stop eating until they got to try something new to stimulate their appetite. 

“Have you ever tried adding some variety?” I asked, leaning against the counter with my elbows. 

I ignored the way my stomach flipped at his proximity. 

“Like what?” 

“Well,” I started, “Turtles love bugs. Crickets, snails, mealworms, and earthworms are all options to try. They can even eat feeder fish in their tank if you add some in there.” 

“My roommate would kill me if I put any of that in our fridge.” 

I laughed. I could not blame them. I would hate knowing there were bugs next to my cream cheese, too. The thought of it made my stomach churn and I fought the urge to gag. Gross. 

“Well, they can also eat fresh veggies and fruits. The book recommends leafy vegetables or grapes and strawberries. You can even try soaking their food in fruit juice or canned tuna water. They love bright colored things.” 

He smiled at me again. I swooned. The way his eyes crinkled was adorable. He must have been kissed by an angel and hand crafted by God himself to look the way he does. Even in the poor, dim fluorescent lights, he looked good. Fuck good- great.

“I’ll pick some up in the morning then.” 

“Glad to hear it.” 

“Thanks, Y/N.” He looked down at the floor, scuffing his shoe. 

So cute. 

“Happy to help. Don’t want the little guys to go hungry.” I half-heartedly laughed and tapped on the glass case in front of me. 

“Hey-“ 

He was interrupted by the chime on the door. It was his friend, the grumpy drunk guy, and I noticed the way his shoulders slumped. I wonder what the problem was. Were they having problems? I wish we were close enough for me to ask. 

“Tae let’s go,” Grumpy said, not sparing me a glance. “Irene and Cleo are waiting for us.” 

Taehyung sighed and looked at me apologetically. I gave him a small smile and wave. 

“I was wondering why you were all dressed up,” I offered lamely, hoping he would snatch the bait. 

“Wingman for the night,” He replied, smiling brightly. “See you around, Y/N. I’ll let you know how they’re doing.” 

“Taehyung,” The guy groaned, tapping his foot impatiently and staring at his watch. 

“Coming, Jin,” He replied equally annoyed. 

“Have fun,” I responded, turning around, and pretending to get busy. 

I heard a small amount of bickering before another chime and the store was silent again.  

I rubbed at my eyes and let out a huge yawn. Tonight had been boring after Taehyung had left. No one else had come in and I ended up finishing all the restocking and got a small amount of my dissertation done. I was focusing on the evolutionary functions of sauropods. So far, I was having a wonderful time discussing my theories and Dr.Lupon was kind enough to give me plenty of access to the sauropods we had in the lab. Jungkook was getting home as well. 

“Hey,” I greeted, pulling my keys out of my bag. 

“Feeling any better?” He asked, looking over at me. 

Jungkook was a sweet guy. I met him during undergrad at a party. Wren and I were getting along great, and he invited me out. Jungkook and I got paired up for beer pong and the rest was history. For a long time, we were a trio. That was until Wren moved out of the dorms and got married, Jungkook was too busy slutting it up on campus after his big breakup with Fawn, and I became the workaholic in the group. Kendall, a girl I had met during spring break in my junior year of undergrad, was the one I saw on a semi-regular basis now. I noticed a new hickey next to the other two from last night. 

“All good,” I replied. “Sorry for being a dick.”

“No worries. I actually left the guy a note so hopefully he’ll shut the fuck up.” 

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. All the years we had been living here, Jungkook had never approached my neighbor about his volume control. Neither had I. I had come to terms with the lack of sleep and Jungkook hated confrontation. I knew he would never speak to 201, Jungkook had a bad speech impediment when he was anxious or upset. A note, however, was right up his alley. I could imagine what it had said and it made me smile. 

“You didn’t have to do that, Kookie,” I said.

“Yeah, well, you bust your ass to be here. Don’t want that shit to fuck up your grades.” 

Then he was locking himself in his apartment again. I, again, did not take it personally. Jungkook and I both had a bad habit of running away from sweet moments. Jungkook more so than me. I sighed and went inside to get ready for bed. 

Like Jungkook had hoped, it was a quiet night. The night after was silent as well. Then, two weeks went by without a single sound coming from my neighbor’s apartment. And while this should have made me happy, instead all I could think about was my own anxiety. Had he moved out? Was he suffering because of me? Had Jungkook been too harsh? I knew he was crazy about sex. All of these thoughts raced through my mind once I turned off the lights. 

Jungkook told me I was being stupid. The guy was quiet and that was all that mattered. And he was right. I should have been happy but I was not. Going on night sixteen, I stared at my ceiling and waited for something, anything, and nothing came.

It had been hard walking on eggshells throughout the week. I did not really know what my friend had written and how much involvement I had, and that made it even more difficult to function. I left earlier in the morning and came home later at night. I feared I would bump into him. Even though it had never happened before, the last thing I wanted was an awkward apology.

Turning over in my bed, I stared at my front door before groaning. Finally giving up on sleep, I turned on my bedside lamp and started throwing on a few layers of clothes. It had frozen over during the weekend. That was one thing I could live without- snow. Slipping on a pair of thick, fuzzy socks and my too-large snow boots, I collected my keys before locking up my place. 

Insomnia plagued me at the best of times. Stressing was a totally different ballgame. Making my way down the stairs, I reached into my hoodie pocket and pulled out my tangled headphones. Kendall and Wren always poked fun at my old electronics but I paid them no mind. I would use it until it broke and was not worth fixing. It was the same reason I never paid for Spotify or Apple Music like they did. I much rather waste my money on summer expeditions and books. Putting my playlist on shuffle, I began unlocking my bike from the rack.

It had been a hard change when I first left home. I thought, as an 18-year-old girl, that the moment I left my parent’s house and went on my own adventure that I would have things figured out in no time. I laughed at myself now. God, I was so naive. The real world was hard and going Ivy League was harder. Most of the people around me were descendants or related to somebody important. The rest were exchange students who had little interest in me. My first few years at Harvard were rough and I was surprised I had managed. But every time I spoke to my family it made all of the hard work worth it. They were proud and so was I.

Now, here I was about to get my Ph.D. and still trying to figure out what I could do with myself after I left this place. My professor had offered me an adjacent faculty position but I needed to get out from my comfort zone. I wanted to see what else the world had to offer before accepting something like that. My mom thought I was crazy but I knew grandpa would be happy with my decision. Pulling up to the lab, I reminded myself that I had a lecture in the morning and I could not stay for too long. 

It always amazed me how I was able to go from sneaking into this building during my sophomore year to owning a spare key. Back then, I mostly stuck to the rocks and occasionally would find myself looking over the bones. After a while, the rocks were just a suggestion. Now, I quickly let myself into the fossil room and began to wash my hands. Hygiene and care were extremely important when handling bones and I had planned on looking over that tusk again. A half an hour later is when I got the first phone call.

“Y/N,” Kendall slurred on the other side of the phone, loud music blasting in the background, and I could hear Wren laughing loudly just to the side of my friend. “Come to Grendall’s! It’s Throwback Thursday!”

Taking off my cotton gloves, I slowly stood up and began putting my things away. Even if I had no intentions of going out, I did need to start getting everything put away before somebody saw me. While it was not unallowed, most of the other students were not able to come and go as they please, so my professor had asked me to keep this a secret. 

“I have class in the morning,” I replied, placing her on speakerphone while I began the careful process of putting the tusk back.

“Bitch,” It was Wren now. “You better be joking.”

I laughed, “And you’ve lost your mind if you think I’m going to that shitshow. Last time I was at Grendall’s some asshole threw his drink on me.”

“But they’re playing Usher, Y/N! Usher!”

I pursed my lips fighting back a grin. I was almost mad at myself for entertaining the idea at all, but thinking about it now it had been a while since I last went out. Kendall and Wren were both having a great time, but I was not in a party mood. By the time I got there everyone would be getting ready to leave and I would have wasted my time anyway. Declining the invitation again, I hung up before the drunk whining got any worse.

Figuring I would get home, I picked up all of the equipment and locked the door behind me. Flicking the lights off one-by-one, I yawned as the double doors to the research lab slammed behind me. Locking up, I rushed down the stairs and grabbed my bike. 

The moonlight was covered by the clouds so the streets were only lit by the scattered streetlights. Securing my helmet, I contemplated grabbing some food on the way home but shook my head. I had peanut butter and bread. 

It took ten minutes to ride back home. The parking lot was full and deserted. The silence creeped me out, so I quickly locked my bike up before taking the short walk back up to my flat. The stairs banged loudly into the night and I winced with each step I took. I hoped I did not wake anybody. 

Walking past my neighbor’s door, I paused. Whoever they might have been had been very respectful of my boundaries. I almost felt bad for getting rid of their fun. Biting my lip, I looked at the door and sighed.

“Oh, to hell with it,” I mumbled, walking to my door.

It took no time to unlock the door. Leaving it wide open, I found my backpack easily and pulled out a sticky note. Grimacing, I almost second-guessed my plan when I caught sight of the pastel pink bunnies around the edges. Rolling my eyes, I fought the urge and got a pen from my front pocket.

Walking back outside, I stuck the note to the door and began to write.

Sorry about my friend. Do whatever you want. It’s your apartment. -203

After reinforcing the hold with some clear tape, I finally stalked back to my apartment for the rest of the night. It felt strange to give a grown man permission to have sex in his own home, but I had also thought it was weird that dinosaurs had feathers the first time I heard it. It had been my fault he thought he couldn’t, I rationalized. I was simply reminding him that he was free to make his own decisions. 

Crawling into bed, I checked the time and sighed in frustration. I had class in three hours. Rolling over, I let my eyes slip shut. Whatever 201 decided to do, I would be fine with. Even if it meant I would lose some sleep.

Just on the cusp of sleep, I was awoken by a loud bang from the other side of the wall. Shooting up, I grabbed my chest in surprise. Then, almost like an eerie thriller, a shout came through the wall. Scrambling up the bed, I pressed my ear against it and waited for something else to happen. 

“What are you going to do to me?” A woman said, her voice quivering.

“Whatever the fuck I want,” A man replied.

Cupping my mouth, I froze. Was this a kinky sex thing or was 201 about to murder a woman? Was that what he had been doing? Reeling, I continued to listen.

“Daddy,” The woman whined.

Immediately, I threw myself away from the wall with a disgusted exclamation. Definitely kinky sex things. Shuttering, I felt my blood run cold at the thought. I had been listening to my neighbor have sex- willingly. Not consciously, I tried to remind myself. I still felt like a pervert. 

“Oh, fuck!” She shouted. “Just like that. Fuck!”

I heard a loud slap before the man chastised her for speaking out of turn. This only seemed to please her more because she was moaning and groaning. More curses and slaps came through the wall and I curled into a ball at the edge of my bed. 

My annoyance was growing once more. He had not even gotten my note and he was violating me all over again. Gritting my teeth, I crawled out of my bed and got another sticky note. I doubted 201 would even notice if I left another right now. He was occupied.

I have class in the morning asshole, so keep the noise down. Other people live here. -203

Sticking the note on the door, I ripped the other one off and crumpled it in my hand. 201 and I were going to have some problems again it seems. Again, my brain attempted to remind me about how badly I felt for him earlier, but I ignored it. He broke the rules before I said he could! He’s a pig. He has a daddy kink.

I could not tell if I was angrier about the noise or the fact that my panties had grown ever so slightly damp at the thought.

Relax, princess. I’ll keep it down next time. Have fun in class, or whatever else you do. -201

Furious, I chuckled darkly. Ripping the piece of notebook paper from my door, I pulled out another sticky note. 

Whatever it is I do, I’m sure it’s far more fulfilling than fucking everything that walks. -203

Sticking it to the door, I marched down the stairs in a wave of anger. Nothing could calm me down right now. Who the hell does he think he is? Jesus Christ of fucking Nazareth? Scoffing, I cracked my neck. What a joke.

I had hardly slept. Between the banging against the wall and my own anger, I had closed my eyes for thirty minutes before my alarm had gone off. I would, hopefully, get some sleep in between my afternoon and evening classes. I told myself that I would not go to the lab tonight. Thinking about 201, I grit my teeth. I could not even be sure of that if the man-whore decided to bring home another banshee.

He called me princess.

Breathing through my nostrils, I unlocked my bike and put on my helmet. I heard my name being called behind me and turned around.

Taehyung waved me down, a large, square smile on his face. Forcing a smile, I waved back at him. I would have to get my temper in check before I spoke with him. Another thing 201 had ruined for me, I said to myself. 

He was dripping in sweat, his gray tank top sticking to his chest and shorts hardly moving from the amount of water on them. He was wearing a hat today, something I had rarely seen, and I swooned. He looked so nice with his hair out of his face. Coming to a stop in front of me, Taehyung looked at my face with worry.

“Didn’t sleep last night?” He asked, taking an ear bud out.

I shook my head. I decided against telling him about my neighbor's issues. We were not close enough for me to feel comfortable discussing daddy-kinks. Even if they were my neighbor’s. 

Not that I’m against it, I thought to myself. 

“I stayed out too late at the lab,” I replied. Half truths were better than whole lies. “Just lost track of time.”

“What’s your major again?” He asked, leaning against the bike rack.

Checking my watch, I was happy I still had time to chat before class. I had left earlier than I thought. Jungkook was ditching this morning. He and the girls had too much fun last night.

“Paleontology. I’m getting my Ph.D. "

He whistled jokingly and sent a little wink my way.

“Smart girl, huh?” He chuckled. “I went to Harvard for about two months before dropping out.”

Grabbing hold of this information, I grinned at him. I was glad to be learning more about the guy. He had been on my radar for a while now, so breaking some ice was always a good thing. Maybe, if I learned enough, I would feel more comfortable asking him out.

“What do you do for work?”

“Personal trainer,” He shrugged. “I was going to be a dietitian, but I wasn’t cut out for college. You’re at Harvard, right?”

I nodded, “I’ve been here since undergrad.”

Taehyung smiled, seemingly impressed. Looking around, he put his hands on his hips. An awkward silence sat between us, and I glanced at my watch again. I had five minutes left of this conversation. I would be late otherwise. 

“Hey,” He finally said, a thoughtful look on his face. “Which building do you live in?”

I pointed to the one behind him. Taehyung smiled brightly and said he lived in the same one. After a minute of talking about how long we had each stayed, another small lapse in conversation happened. It was hard to talk to him without putting my foot in my mouth. I doubted he really wanted to hear about the things that I liked, and I was clueless about what he was into.

“Do you want to get dinner with me?”

Snapping back to the conversation, I had no idea how to respond. That was very sudden. Taehyung seemed pleased by my reaction, no doubt giving away how nervous I was, and I looked down at my shoes. I hated myself for wearing slippers. 

“Uh, yeah,” I nodded, faking nonchalance. “Sure. When?”

“Next week?” He asked. “I’m pretty busy right now.”

“Yeah, totally.” I nodded, dumbly. “I’m free every day except Thursdays.”

“Next Friday? Around 6?”

I shook my head. “I have work that day. I’m off Sunday, though.”

Taehyung thought for a moment before grinning. 

“I can make Sunday work. We can get lunch.”

After agreeing, we exchanged numbers and went separate ways. Taehyung had to meet with a client in a few minutes and I needed to get to class. Riding away, I was dumbfounded by my own feelings. I had not felt as excited about the idea as I thought I would. He had not seemed very interested in me before, and even asking me out had not really been all that flattering. Chalking it up to over thinking, I pushed my negative thoughts away and focused on the fact that I had a date next week. Wren was going to flip.

Arriving home, I found another note left on my door. Rolling my eyes, I was getting fed up with the childish game of telephone we were playing. I had started it, a thought that made me feel shameful, but if he had something to say to me then he should just go for it.  I grabbed the note.

Not everything. Just the things I like. Sorry again. I will try to be quieter. -201

I found a smiling creeping up my face. I was acting like a complete spaz. Getting a sticky note, I replied.

Enjoy yourself. But not at 4 in the morning. Especially on Wednesdays. I have a class to teach. Sorry for acting like a Karen. -203

Sticking it to the door, I nodded. Hopefully this would mend the bridge. He can still have his fun and I won’t lose my mind. Taking my laptop out of my bag, I decided to get some homework done and continue writing my thesis. My workload was heavy, and I knew I would start feeling the pressure the most after winter break, but for now my thesis was smooth sailing. I was finished with my research thus far, and I only had to sit down, write, cite, and iron out the details. I knew Wren was already losing her mind over hers, but I trusted Jimin to be there for her. They were a power couple if I had ever seen one.

I gave up after four hours. My homework was finished, but I had gotten stuck on my paper again. I was getting caught up on the details when I should be writing. Putting my laptop away, I decided to go get some phone when my phone chimed.

Unknown: Hey is this Y/N?

Raising my eyebrow, I replied hesitantly.

Me: Yes. Who’s this?

Unknown: It’s Tae! Haha

Unknown: Sorry for texting so late. I just got home

Breathing a sigh of relief, I typed back a response.

Me: Oh hey

Me: No worries. I thought you were one of those telemarketers

Tae: Nope. Just Taehyung lol

Tae: Are you still good for Sunday?

Frowning, I stepped outside and shut my door. Why was he asking? We had just seen each other this morning. Standing, I replied and waited.

Me: Yeah? Why?

I heard a door open nearby but ignored it. Nibbling on my thumb nail, I grew anxious. Had he changed his mind? Stopping my thoughts in their tracks, I immediately told myself that this was not a big deal. I was not that desperate. I was lonely, but I knew my worth. Taehyung would not make me lose sight of that.

Tae: Just checking

“Uh,” Someone cleared their throat from beside me. “Excuse me?”

Looking over, I blinked. The guy was cute, insanely so, with pretty skin and wild black hair. He looked like he just woke up if the wrinkles in his shirt were anything to go by. Pushing back the thin, gold-rimmed glasses resting on his nose, the man smiled nervously.

“I’m Namjoon. 201.”

Mouth hanging open, I looked him over a bit more thoroughly this time. I had never seen my neighbor before and I could see why women liked him. He had an aura that surrounded him. Still, when I noticed he had dimples I could not get him being called ‘daddy’ out of my head. So, this was the nympho?

“Y/N, 203,” I replied, voice small.

My phone chimed again.

Tae: Where’d you go?

Nose wrinkling in discomfort, I did not know how to reply. It had been less than five minutes since he had sent the last message. My discontent from earlier returned and I wondered if I had made a good choice agreeing to the date. Remembering 201, I looked back at him.

“Sorry,” I shook my head, my face still distorted. “This guy is being weird.”

He shook his head, a lazy grin on his face.

“No worries, I get those types all the time,” He ran his fingers through his hair and looked out into the night. “Just wanted to properly apologize about the noise. And the note. I was being passive aggressive.”

Taehyung forgotten, I shook my head and hands at the same time.

“No harm, no foul,” I replied. “I kinda started it anyway. Sorry for calling you an asshole. And then a fuck boy.”

He pulled a face, “You didn’t call me a fuck boy.”

“I insinuated it.”

My phone chimed again.

“You can get that,” He nodded to my hand. 

Leaning against the iron fence, Namjoon took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Following suit, I turned my back to the fence and looked at the text chain.

Tae: Y/N???????

Me: I’m getting something to eat. Sorry for not replying sooner.

The reply was instantaneous.

Tae: No worries :)

Tae: I miss you

Thoroughly creeped out, I again found myself at a loss. Screenshotting the conversation, I sent it to Kendall with a slew of question marks. I saw the check marks beside it before the bubble popped up. Kendall had always been great about texting back fast.

KC: uhhh wtf?

KC: block him

Before I could reply to Kendall, Taehyung had already sent another text.

Tae: Can you send me a picture?

Shocked, I blurted out, “What the fuck?”

Namjoon looked at me, an amused look on his face.

“Trouble in paradise?”

Shaking my head, I found myself speaking without much thought.

“He’s a guy I’ve known for a bit. He asked me out this morning and he’s acting weird.”

Namjoon took a step closer to me, looked to see if I was okay with it, and stood right next to me. I showed him the messages easily, my own confusion making my normal walls shattered. I knew the guy was a daddy-dom for Christ’s sake. I think he could see the creepy messages Taehyung was sending me. It would level the playing field. 

“Damn,” He whispered, obviously wanting to laugh. “He’s really fucking this up.”

“What does he mean by ‘pictures?’” I asked. “I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“Don’t,” Namjoon quickly interjected. “He’s pushy and clingy. It’ll only get worse if you pay attention to it. I’d block him.”

Nodding, I decided to send a gentle let down before blocking his number.

Me: I think we should cancel Sunday. You’re making me really uncomfortable and I don’t want to see you anymore.

Pressing the block button, I sighed in defeat. That had been the first date I had been asked on in months and it went to shit before it even started. Dejected, I told Kendall that I did. I was not very hungry anymore. Putting my phone in my jacket pocket, I decided to go back inside.

“Hey,” Namjoon said, voice gentle. “Don’t let that guy ruin your night. You were about to go somewhere, right?”

Nodding, I kicked the concrete and pushed off the railing.

“I don’t think I’m all that hungry anymore,” I replied. “I’m going to go inside. Thanks for apologizing and have all the sex you want.”

Namjoon laughed despite himself and came to walk beside me.

“Order some takeout,” He argued. “By the time it gets here you’ll be hungry again.”

He was only being nice because we were rocky, I knew that. Still, I felt touched that he had even tried to make me feel better. My friends were great, but they were all living their lives. No one really had time to help me with mine most of the time. It was nice, friend or not, to have someone looking out for me. I nodded.

“I will,” I put my hand on my door knob. “Do you want anything?”

The olive branch had already been extended at this point. I had let him read my texts, and I was appreciative of his efforts to make me feel better. The least I could do was get him some fried rice. Namjoon smiled at me. 

“Sesame chicken or pepper steak. Whichever they have right now.”

I nodded and smiled back. “Gotcha.”

I went inside and closed the door. I heard Namjoon go inside and found myself smiling once again. He was sweet. A very sweet, kind, nymphomaniac with a daddy-kink. Desperate to get that idea out of my head, I called the Chinese restaurant down the street and ordered our food.

I left a tray of sesame chicken and pepper steak outside of his door with a note on it.

Not everything. Just the things you like. -203

I knocked and went back inside before he opened the door. Curling up on my bed, I turned on my tv and waited to hear his door open. When his laugh bounced through the hallway, I smiled over my plate of fried rice.

Putting another container of cat food on the shelf, I sighed into the phone. Kendall had done nothing but laugh at the entire ordeal with Taehyung. Wren, who was laughing right alongside her, struggled to catch her breath.

“I’m sorry,” She wheezed, “This is just too much.”

I rubbed my eyes, frustrated and tired. If I had known all this phone call was just going to be getting made fun of I would not have picked it up. My silence must have clued one of them in since the laughing had stopped a few seconds later.

“You are okay, though, right?” Kendall asked. 

“Yeah,” I replied, quietly. “Just… disappointed.”

“Don’t let him make you feel bad about yourself,” Wren said, her voice far away from the phone. “You deserve better than a ‘u up?” text.”

“Yeah, he’s a fucking loser,” Kendall agreed.

Hearing the bell ring, I told the girls I had to go and promised to call them back once I was done with the customer. Putting the box of cat food to the side, I stood up and adjusted my clothes. Putting on my best customer service smile, I stepped onto the main floor.

“Welcome to Adrian’s!” I called out.

My steps flattered once I saw Jungkook swaying near the register. Confused, I checked my watch and realized that it was getting very close to closing. I had not noticed the time flying. Dropping the act, I let myself look as grumpy as I felt.

He was obviously drunk. Head tilted back and a shit-eating grin on his face, Jungkook’s eyes were closed tightly. One look at him and I was already calling Kendall back. The two of them had been fooling around on-and-off since June and I was not in the mood for the walk of shame.

“That was quick,” She answered.

“Come get Jungkook,” I sighed. “He’s blasted and I have to finish putting this cat food away.”

I heard ruffling from the other side. 

“He’s at the store?”

I nodded, “Yeah. I’ll keep him company while we wait.”

“We’ll be there in five,” Wren replied, her voice much closer now. “Kendall’s getting some barf bags just in case.”

Walking closer to the drunk man, I shook my head. I remembered when Jungkook had never even touched a drink before. Now it was difficult to find a time when he was sober. I wished I could do more for him, but it was hard to tell where I stood in that regard. We had known each other for years now, but I still knew very little about who he was. We had grown apart after Fawn and never really got back on track.

“Do you think they’ll ever just be together?” I asked absentmindedly.

Kendall was good for Jungkook. She evened him out. Where he was argumentative and overly lax about everything, she was responsible and willing to listen. Kendall always took Jungkook and his moods in stride without much complaint. I knew there was love there, but I was no fool to believe it was a healthy one. Jungkook needed to get his shit together and earn Kendall.

“Maybe,” Wren replied. “If Jungkook gets a therapist and quits the bottle.”

Kendall called out in the background, but I was unable to make it out. Wren and I said our goodbyes, and I placed my hand on Jungkook’s shoulder. Cracking open an eye, Jungkook’s smile grew wide as he found me. Unimpressed, I kept my impression impassive.

“Hey,” He slurred, tripping over nothing and catching himself.

“Hello, Jungkook,” I sighed, steadying him under my hands. “Long night?”

He nodded his head like a toddler with a stupid smile on his face. He looked his age tonight. It broke my heart as much as it warmed it. It was always nice to see him carefree and having fun. The guy was born to demand crowds with a nice smile, but I also knew what he was like when he was not drunk. Shy, meek, and soft spoken- someone that he hated. I missed that kid. We got along a lot more.

“I want to hear about dinosaurs,” He said, voice way too loud and slurred for the otherwise quiet store. “I want you to tell me about dinosaurs.”

Frowning, I helped to move him closer to the counter so he could lean against it. Jungkook enjoyed my stories. He was one of the few guys I knew that seemed excited about my brain rather than taken aback. It was unfortunate we had never been interested in each other. Jungkook would have been a nice change of pace at one point in time. Looking at him now, though, I doubt we would have ever been able to make it past whatever this was. I did not take shit like this. I did not know how Kendall did, but a part of me was happy about it.

“What do you want to know?” I asked, taking a step away from him.

Leaning against the counter, Jungkook struggled to keep his eyes open. He looked so tired. Fawn had destroyed every bit of innocence Jungkook had. First love, first heartbreak, first betrayal- Fawn had done it all. From cheating, to verbal abuse, and all the way to hitting Jungkook in public. It was never hard to understand why Jungkook had sunk so low. It was just hard to understand why he never thought he could climb himself back up.

“What’s new?” He laughed.

Smiling sadly, I thought about the question for a second and tried to pick out the most exciting piece of news. The tusk was the most exciting thing in my life right now, but maybe not so cool to a layman. 

“There was a new dinosaur discovered in Utah,” I finally replied. “It’s a beaked guy that’s about 99-million-years-old. They’re calling him Iani Smithi.”

Jungkook snorted obnoxiously, “They named it Ian Smith?”

Laughing along with him, it was easy to forget about his issues. The two of us used to do this sort of thing all the time. He would come into Adrian’s with all of his books and we would shoot the shit for hours. Jungkook was a good study buddy even though we were in completely different fields. He was like the baby brother I never had.

“He’s named after a Roman God and the guy who found him,” I chuckled.

“There’s a God named Ian?”

I raised an eyebrow and waved my hand, “Technically, it’s Ianus.”

“So Ian?” He giggled.

Rolling my eyes, I smiled fondly. Glancing out of the large, glass windows I saw Kendall’s Jeep parking across the street. Knowing our conversation was about to be over, I decided to indulge him a little. He looked happy tonight.

“We can call him Ian, I guess.”

Jungkook made a happy sound. Kendall got out of her four-wheel-drive and briefly looked both ways before crossing. Her hair was up and out of her face with a dark colored headband keeping her blonde bangs out of her face. I liked the pajama shorts she was wearing and made a mental note to ask her about them later. The bell chimed when she walked through the door and she found Jungkook immediately.

Putting on a big, sly grin, Kendall sauntered up to the tall man and wrapped her arms around his neck. Jungkook melted into her with ease and sighed in content. He looked even more tired now that she was here, but I thought it was a good sign. Maybe he will sleep tonight. 

“Lets go you big baby,” She cooed, kissing his cheek.

Jungkook nodded in a daze and followed behind her. They were holding hands. Turning toward me, Kendall gave me a smile and wave before leaving. I waved her off and went back to the cat food. She had her hands full with the kid so I would not hold it against her.

Walking home, I got caught in the rain and had to run the rest of the two blocks it took me to get home. No one else had come in and I hoped it would stay that way. I was worried Taehyung would show up and I’d be alone. Maybe he was busy? Did not matter, I was just happy he was leaving me alone.

Racing up the stairs, I almost slipped but caught myself before I face-planted the concrete. Cursing, I grumbled as I walked the last set of stairs. A black eye would be the cherry on top of the already shit night.

Wren had messaged me to let me know that Jungkook was alright. It was a relief but did not make my discomfort go away. He was getting worse. I wondered if Kendall knew about the hickies I had been seeing. It was none of my business, I said to myself. They were a strange duo.

Getting to my door, I saw a small box sitting in front of it. Pulling out my phone, I turned on my flashlight so I could see better in the dark hallway. 201 was written across the top of it bringing a smile to my face. Shaking my head, I picked up the box and unlocked my door.

Stripping out of my wet clothes, I threw it into the pile in the corner I needed to take to the laundromat. After taking a hot shower and going through my nighttime routine, I finally took the box and brought it to my bed. Ripping the top open, I was confused to see another box inside of it. Lifting it, I gasped. 

It was a small, Mosasaurus fossil building kit. It was obviously made from Legos, but a different company had made it so they were simply labeled ‘building bricks.’ How did he know I liked dinosaurs in the first place? Looking inside the box again I saw a folded paper at the bottom.

Apparently one of my colleagues knows you. I said you were my neighbor and he said the two of you had gone on a dig together years ago. You are also on his fiance’s shit list, by the way. Didn’t peg you to be the homewrecking type. Closested bad girl? Anyway, I saw this at the museum souvenir shop. Take it as my thanks for the food. Let me see it when it’s done. -Joon

Laughing loudly, Dave Powell’s face came to mind along with his fiance. Jenna Marcel was a girl from our freshman biology class. During undergrad, she and I were not friends but were friendly enough to greet one another and make small talk. Cut to our junior year, Jungkook and Jimin had dragged me to a frat party to celebrate exams being over. I was sloppy drunk and dancing with Jimin until a man, who inebriated me thought was good-looking but was not when I could think straight, got in between us. I ended up making out with him and Jenna found us like that. Apparently, it had been her boyfriend. She had nothing but bad things to say about me ever since and made it her mission to run a smear campaign anytime I was mentioned.  

Mood thoroughly lifted, I tried to think if I had ever heard of Namjoon before our meeting the other night. He was a blank to me, but if he worked with Dave then we were in similar fields. I could guess anthropology like Dave, but I would ask to confirm later. Jenna and I worked closely together most of the time as we were both in paleontology, but no one really liked her very much. Too much gossiping and a lot less work getting done in her office. Jenna never really bothered me all that much.

Putting the model kit down on my nightstand, I crawled up my bed toward the wall. Pressing my ear against the wall, I listened but to no avail. It was silent in Namjoon’s apartment. Deciding to test my luck, I raised my hand and knocked on the wall.

“Yeah?” A voice called out a few seconds later.

Jumping, I covered my mouth to keep the surprised shriek in. 

“Uh,” I choked before clearing my voice. “Thanks for the Mosasaurus.” 

“What is it?” He asked, his voice much closer to the wall now, and I wondered if he looked like I did. Smiling, I leaned my forehead against the rough wall and closed my eyes. I would be able to talk freely for a second time tonight. The feeling was ecstasy.

“It was an aquatic squamate reptile from the late Cretaceous. It was my favorite dinosaur as a kid.”

“What’s that all mean?”

Turning around, I rested my back against the wall. 

“It was a really big sea lizard,” I clarified, a small smile on my face.

Namjoon laughed, “Like a dragon?”

Smile growing wider, I replied.

“Just without the fire-breathing and wings.”

“And it’s in the water,” He pointed out.

“There’s sea dragons,” I argued. “What about sea serpents?”

Namjoon laughed again, “Touche.”

A comfortable silence fell between us. It was strange to feel so comfortable with someone like Namjoon. Last week he was the nymphomaniac next door and now we were talking dinosaurs. This was new for me, but it helped ease the loneliness. Namjoon was an easy guy. I knew he liked sesame chicken, sex, and felt comfortable enough with me to buy me a model fossil kit. I wondered if he was lonely, too.

“Are you hungry?” He suddenly asked.

“I could eat,” I replied, more aware of my hunger than I had been before.

I really needed to get better about eating more often.

“There’s a 24/7 taco place around the corner if you want to go.”

“What about the rain?” I asked, not wanting to go back out into the storm.

A long stretch of silence went by.

“I have ramen,” Namjoon finally said. “You could come over if you want.”

Laughing, I decided to be a bit playful.

“Is that what you ask all of your girls?”

I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Only the ones I like.”

I laughed, “So you like me now?”

“I’ve liked you since you put that note on my door.”

Sobering up, I froze. Heart racing, I covered my face and smiled into my hand. He was very forward, but I was not interested in becoming another notch in his bedpost. No matter how cute he was.

But you could be the woman calling him daddy, my mind screamed at me. Stomach warming, I could see it now. I would be on my knees, tears streaming down my face, and Namjoon towering over me. I rubbed my thighs together.

“I’m not interested in a fling,” I said, not even convinced of it myself. It would be so easy. “I’m the monogamous type.”

I heard him hum.

“So am I,” Namjoon replied. “I’ve been hooking up recently, but I do like relationships.”

“What are you asking me, 201?” I cut to the chase, wanting to get to the point already.

“I was asking you to come over,” Namjoon’s voice started to drift away from the wall. “Now I’m asking if I can come over so we can build that sea lizard together.”

His voice was very far away from the wall now and I realized far too late that he was walking toward his door. Scrambling off my bed, I dashed to my dresser to find a pair of pants. I never wore them when I was going to sleep. Stumbling and jumping into the most unflattering pair of pajama pants I owned (why hadn’t I done laundry sooner?) just as a loud knock came to my door. Running, I smoothed down my clothes and messed with my hair a bit before opening it.

“Hey neighbor,” Namjoon greeted me as if we had not been having a conversation before. “Would you like to hang out?”

“Is this a date?” I asked, looking everywhere but his face.

“No,” Namjoon replied. “Just two people getting to know each other.”

Looking at him now, I raised an eyebrow. He had literally asked me to “eat ramen” with him less than five minutes ago. Softening, Namjoon shrugged. Scoffing at him, I crossed my arms over my chest.

“If you’re ‘courting’ me,” I made the quotations with my fingers, “I want to lay some ground rules.”

“Go for it,” Namjoon replied.

“Rule number one:-” I lifted my pointer finger, “-no hook ups. I can literally hear you and it’s weird. Rule number two: I expect this to be a mutual thing. I will only put in the amount of effort you do. And three-” I looked him in the eyes, “-I don’t like liars.”

“So,” Namjoon began counting with his fingers, “We’re not seeing other people, we’re going to do heart and flowers, and lying is punishable by death?”

“Are you okay with that?” I asked.

I thought it was only fair to be as clear as possible. I had expectations, and Namjoon had said he was hooking up right now. I was not fine with something like that, but it did not mean we could not still be friendly. Dating or not, I had figured we would get along just fine.

“I can do that,” He nodded with a smile. “But I just want to focus on being cool. I rush through this shit a lot.”

I opened my door wider.

“Join the club,” I grinned. “Come in.”

Wren tossed her hair over her shoulder, smacking my face with it. Shoving her forward, she laughed and walked up to the counter. I stood behind her and pointed at the flavor I wanted. 

“I’ll get a scoop of raspberry sorbet in a cup,” I told the young girl taking our order. “No toppings, please.”

“And I want two scoops of Cookie Monster on a waffle cone,” Wren said. “Chocolate drizzle and marshmallows.”

Scrunching my nose up, I gave Wren a look. Shrugging her shoulders at me and paid for the both of us. We walked to the pick up window and waited. 

“I thought you were on a diet?” I asked.

Wren’s mother had been complaining about her weight and it had finally gotten to her head. Jimin told her he thought she looked just fine, but family pressures always made Wren cave. She said it was just the way her family worked, but I knew how hard that sort of thing can be. My family and I were getting better at communicating even with my father’s not-so-silent disapproval of my life choices. Wren’s mom was like that but ten times more intense.

“I gave up after a week,” She shrugged. “My mom’s just going to have to deal with me putting on a few extra pounds.”

“Why is she so obsessed about it anyway?”

Wren shrugged, “It’s a big deal in China so she’s projecting it onto me. I know it’s coming from a good place, but that doesn’t mean I have to deal with her insecurities. I learned that from someone special.”

Fixing me with a pointed look, I smiled shyly. She always said I made her more confident, but I did not believe her. Kendall had done more for Wren’s self love journey than I ever did. I just told her she was her own person six years ago and she acts like I made all of her parental issues go away.

“So who’s this guy you’re seeing?” Wren suddenly switched topics.

Grabbing our order, she handed me my sorbet and the two of us sat at one of the small tables on the other side of the ice cream parlor.

“You remember 201?” I asked, taking a spoonful of sorbet and stuffing it into my mouth. “Turns out he’s much nicer than I gave him credit for.”

Wren squealed. Her mind had gone to sex, I could see the mischievous glint in her eye, and I tried to hide my growing embarrassment. Out of all my friends, Wren had the most experience with good partners and pushed me to expand my horizons, and she knew all about the fiend next door. As if I could see the wheels in her head turned, I braced myself for the conversation to come. 

“Who is he?” She asked, coming closer and dropping her voice.

This place was popular amongst students and she was overly paranoid about someone listening in. 

“Namjoon Kim,” I replied, biting my lip to stop the smile from taking over my face.

Things between us had been going well. Namjoon was kind and considerate, and like he had said, we had only been acting like friends. Between a late night run to get tacos together and staying up to talk over the phone while I was holed up in the lab, I was happy with the way things were headed. I liked him more than I thought I would.

“I didn’t realize Namjoon was a nympho!” Wren exclaimed, her voice causing a few heads to turn. 

Reaching out, I smacked Wren on the top of her head. She pouted childishly, but relented. Sending a few apologetic smiles to the unfortunate souls overhearing our conversation, I glared at Wren in between each one. All I got was a noncommittal shoulder shrug.

“Are you trying to embarrass me?” I whispered harshly. 

“You’re the one who’s dropping bombs,” She replied.

“No, I’m trying to have a conversation with you. Very different.”

Wren burst into laughter. Unable to stop myself, I joined her quiet chuckles. I could feel people looking at us, but it only made me laugh harder.

“I can’t believe I called him a nympho in public,” Wren wheezed, hiding behind her hands.

“You didn’t just say it,” I laughed, “You yelled it from the rooftops.”

Shaking her head, Wren took a few large licks of her ice cream.

“He’s a nice dude,” She changed subjects quickly. “We’ve gone on a few digs together. He’s as big of a nerd as you are. You should definitely ask him about Greece- he’s all about Classical art.”

Namjoon was a fan of the arts. The two of us had gone to the Museum of Fine Arts over the weekend, and were planning on stopping by the campus art museum sometime soon. He wanted me to take him on a tour of the Natural History museum first. According to him, he needed a “proper” dinosaur tour since he had never worked with a paleontologist on a dig. 

“I’ve heard about Egypt and Kenya already, but I’ll keep Greece in mind,” I replied, eating another spoonful. “What excavation should I bring up? I’ve had fun with all of mine.”

Wren put a finger on her chin, “You haven’t left the U.S?”

I shook my head, “I went to Manitoba during undergrad. I didn’t find much though. The group I was with weren’t as excited about digging as I was. All of my good digs have been in the States.”

“Why didn’t you go to Mongolia with Lupon?” She asked, her first scoop finished.

“You can’t keep anything you find,” I replied. “What’s the fun in that?”

Wren and I were more closely related in fields. Both she and Namjoon were archaeologists and traveled all over the world during the summer. The two of us met during an excavation in Colorado. Dr.Lupon and two other professors from the anthropology department had a large excavation planned for the undergrads. Wren was helping the team dig up some possible fossils, but they had been unsuccessful. My small group was spread out and looking around, but my eyes caught something in the dirt. I had asked her to help me get it up, and we ended up finding a Stegosaurus plate that had broken. The two of us had found the first fossils of the trip and were attached at the hip for the rest of the summer. 

“I could talk to him about Dinosaur Ridge.”

Wren nodded enthusiastically, “Don’t forget about Mesa Verde.”

We had gone to the Mesa Verde National Park for a two week tour, study, and small excavation after we were done in Dinosaur Ridge. I had a lot of fun with Wren, but I could not recall too much about Mesa Verde. The architecture was beautiful but it was the most boring excavation I had been a part of to date. I never really counted Manitoba.

“I have a good feeling about this one,” Wren said. “From what I know about him, Namjoon’s a nice guy. A little abrasive at times, but nothing you can’t handle.”

I scoffed, “Jenna already got her ‘homewrecker’ storyline in his head.”  

“She’s still not over that?” Wren laughed, voice higher in pitch. 

“She did catch her boyfriend’s tongue in my mouth,” I reasoned. 

I winced. Namjoon had never brought that up again, but it was still bothering me. Not only was it a bad light to be in- it was just not true. Dave had gotten over it pretty quickly, and Jenna had never had any mean words to say about him. She had ruined two possible relationships for me before and I was afraid it might work on Namjoon if they were together long enough.

“Didn’t they get married?”  

“Yeah,” I nodded and took the last bite of my sorbet. 

“Then why is she still complaining about it?” She wondered out loud. 

“She needs everyone to know that I’m a homewrecker,” I giggled. 

It really was petty at our age, but that never seemed to stop her before.

“But no home was wrecked?”  

“Want to hear something even worse?” I leaned in and covered the side of my mouth. 

Wren leaned in quickly, her eyes wide in excitement. She was such a gossiper. I almost felt bad for telling her, I knew it would be talked about at every function where it was acceptable. Jenna had called me every name in the book, though, so I felt little sympathy for her. Now we could call it even. 

“He proposed on both knees,” I snorted. 

“What?” Wren exclaimed. “Like begging?” 

“No, like Shane Dawson.” 

Wren and I both laughed loudly. I laughed so hard my stomach began to hurt and it was difficult to breathe. Wren, on the other hand, had a terrible habit of hurting herself when she laughed. From falling out of chairs to quite literally throwing herself on the floor, she always seemed to leave with a few bumps and bruises. This time she simply banged her knee into the table. 

“And she’s pressed?” Wren managed in between bouts of laughter. 

I howled like a hyena and felt tears coming to my eyes. I could see the picture vividly in my mind. Morgan, a girl from my department, and I were in Utah doing research when she started laughing before turning her phone so I could see the Instagram post. Dave was wearing flip flops, khakis, and an ill-fitting Baby Yoda shirt, his back perfectly straight and lifted by his knees. Jenna had her hands over her mouth and was crying. I began to laugh even harder. I needed to see if Morgan still had a screenshot.  

“Jen, sorry to tell you, babe, but no one wants to wreck that home.” Wren wheezed. 

“He was wearing a Baby Yoda shirt.” 

Wren snorted. 

“I’m done. I’ve heard it all.”  

I wiped the tears off my face and began to catch my breath. Wren and I always had a great time together, it was the main reason we got so close, and no one made me laugh the way she did. I sent a text to Morgan and continued my steady breathing. We would both be in stitches the moment we saw it.

“Hey, Y/N?” Wren was suddenly serious. 

“Yeah?” I breathed out, looking back at her face. I wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks.

“Anyone would be lucky to have you, you know that right?” 

I looked away shyly.

“Of course, Wren,” I replied. “I got over that hill.”

She nodded, “Just making sure.”

My phone chimed distracting us both. Waving Wren over, the tense moment was gone. Scooting her chair to my side of the table, I quickly pressed on Morgan’s text. Underneath a few crying-laughing emojis was the photo. Wren took my phone from my hands, her hand cupping her mouth, and another loud wave of laughter overtook the table.

Staring up at my ceiling, I could not fall asleep. I had tried everything. A warm bath, turning off all of the lights and sounds, and even a warm glass of milk. Nothing was working. Bundled under my blanket, I was happy to be safe from the frosty air nipping away at my nose.

The building’s air conditioning was broken and had done nothing but blow freezing cold air. I had pulled out my space heater but it was not very helpful. The vent was right above me and blasting on full force.

Rolling over, I finally gave in and picked up my phone from the charger. I was going crazy just laying here. Scrolling, I replied to a message from Kendall before finding Namjoon’s contact. He had gone out of town yesterday to visit his family in Maine. His parents retired there and his sister was in town from New Zealand.

Glancing at the time, I second guessed myself. He could be sleeping, but I knew his sleep schedule was even worse than mine was. He had afternoon classes and late night projects he did with his friends. They were beginning to plan their summer trip for the year, and it bothered me how much I felt jealous of him. Namjoon would have another four years after this when he came back for his doctorate. I outgrew this place in just six months. The thought bothered me far more than it should have.

Me: Hey

It was still hard to decide what I truly wanted. While this part of me wanted to go off on an adventure, another loved the security that came along with Harvard. I knew everyone, taught plenty, and would always have my once a year dig. The unknown was just that. I had such a ride these last twelve years, and it felt bittersweet to see them go by. Seeing my freshman dorm for the first time felt like yesterday.

Joon: You should be sleeping

Joon: You have a morning class to teach, Ms.Studious

I laughed quietly. 

Out of everything I would miss about this place, Namjoon was quickly making his way to the top of the list. I had already had security in my friendships. They would forever be constants in my life. I knew wherever I went that they would always be there. I could visit in the winter and they would fly out in the summer. We would always find each other.

Namjoon was a different sort. We were still navigating the waters of our relationship. I knew we were more than friends, but no moves had been made to become more than that. No kisses, or hugs, or hand holding. There was no goal or finish line in sight. Come May he could decide that he was not willing to put up with me anymore, and it still felt too unstable to talk about it with him. What would he want?

Me: It’s too cold and I can’t sleep

The reply was quick.

Joon: They still haven’t fixed that?

Me: Nope

Me: Apparently my room is the worst. Jungkook said his place barely felt any different and yours was already broken to begin with. This sucks.

Shivering again, I grumbled to myself. I hated this complex. I was the most excited about moving out and getting something nicer. I never bothered while I was enrolled since the rent was cheap and it was something affordable. I could pay rent and still stash away money- something that could not be said for anywhere else in Massachusetts. 

Joon: You could sleep at my place

I smiled. He had offered his apartment the day he left, but I refused. At the time it had not been as bad. I was also unsure why he was giving me permission in the first place. Was it as a friend? Or was it as a man who was interested in me? It was impossible to know and I was too anxious to ask. He was wearing these ripped denim jeans that were driving me crazy. 

Joon: I’d feel more comfortable if you did 

It was a rare occasion to have a sentimental comment made by the guy. Wanting to fish a bit more, I decided to bait him just a little. With a slick grin, I replied.

Me: 🤨

Joon: You have to teach a geology class at 7am

Joon: So you need to sleep

Joon: I’m doing this for your students, 203

I giggled.

Me: Whatever you say, 201

A call screen popped up before I could be happy with my reply. Namjoon never called me. Taking a few breaths, I calmed my excitement down before answering.

“Hello?”

“You calling me a liar?” Namjoon replied, his amusement evident.

Trying to relax, I snuggled deeper into my blankets.

“And if I am?” I bit back.

I always loved flirtatious and playful, and it was rare that Namjoon was neither one. He came on very strongly without ever laying a finger on me. It was a surprising turn on.

He laughed, “Oh, you’ll see.”

“Will I?” I drawled.

He was a fan of hard to get. I never pulled away too much, and it was only when we were messing around, but I could tell he liked it. I doubted anything I had done since the first note I’d left on his door excited him the same way.

“I’ll be home tomorrow, 203,” Namjoon warned. “Don’t start some shit you can’t finish.”

I scoffed, “You called me, 201.”

Namjoon chuckled. He sounded happier than usual. We talked about his family a lot, and I knew how much he loved them. His little sister was more distant than he was, but the two of them got along really well when she was home. He had to keep the peace so she and their mother would not argue. His father was a quiet man with a warm personality, while his mother was the polar opposite. He was much closer to her, but loved them both. I could imagine how glad he was to spend time with them.

“I miss you.”

Stunned, it took me a second to reply.

“I miss you, too.”

And I meant it. Things were way too quiet without him around. I had never noticed just how isolated I had really become over the last few years. Wren and I used to spend every day together until she met Jimin. Kendall took up her space for a while, but her job was very demanding of her time so that faded as well. Jungkook was too focused on school and drinking to care about anybody else. My colleagues did not really count as friends since I never saw them outside of school, and I was not someone who got out as much as I used to. The world was very quiet until he moved in.

“Sorry if that was weird,” He quickly interjected, mistaking my silence for something else.

“No, no,” I rushed, sitting up. “Just unexpected. I don’t mind it.”

The cold air hit me all at once, and I quickly plopped back down. Wrapping the blanket around me tightly, I accidently let out a rush of air. My teeth began chattering.

“I won’t tell you what to do,” Namjoon was calm again. “I have a spare key underneath the mat you’re free to use.”

“Thank you,” I replied even if I did not plan on using it.

My graduation date came back to my mind. I had applied to a few places already, but had either been turned down or lost interest in the position after the interview. The only place that was left were a few museums that I was very interested in. One in New York was the most exciting prospect, and I had heard they were going to need new staff this coming year, but no job postings had been listed yet. Dr.Lupon said she should get me the job if I really wanted it, but I was not sure how comfortable I felt about that either.

“What’s on your mind?” Namjoon spoke, breaking me away from my thoughts.

“Huh?” I replied, dumbly.

“I could hear you thinking through the phone,” He joked. “Maybe you’ll sleep if you get it off your chest.”

Humming, I thought about it for a minute. It was scary to talk about this stuff with Namjoon, I was worried about where it would hurt us, but I was also afraid of where we would go if I didn’t.

“I’m just nervous about graduation,” I finally settled on. I was not ready to dive into everything with him yet. “I’ve been here for so long, you know?”

“How long have you been at Harvard?” He asked, his voice light.

“12 years,” I replied. “I studied geology for my undergrad and masters. I have worked with the paleontology department since freshman year, though.”

“You’ll be fine,” He reasoned. “I’m sure you have plenty of options.”

I scoffed. He was not wrong, but it was never so black and white. At least, it never felt that way.

“What do you want to do?” I asked, switching subjects. “After graduation?”

If he caught on my deflection, he chose not to comment on it.

“I’d be happy to be a part of the research team here,” He replied. “I’m also a fan of a few museums.”

“But if you had it your way? What then?”

Namjoon chuckled, “Then I’d say a project manager.”

It was comforting to know that I had guessed his answer correctly. He was an adventurous guy who loved to dig. It made sense for him to want to be in charge of one. I was more of a lab rat than anything, but I enjoyed an excavation like anybody else.

“I want to be a museum director,” I admitted.

“Wow,” He said. “Didn’t expect that. Why?”

Settling further into my bed, I closed my eyes.

“My grandfather worked as a researcher at the Field Museum,” I started, a small smile on my face. I could see his face in my mind. “He was a paleoanthropologist, so closer to what you do, but he loved to take me on road trips in the summer to go fossil finding.”

I looked back on those memories fondly. We never really found much of anything except shark teeth out in Florida. I still had a huge collection of them back at my parent’s house. I was surprised they hadn’t thrown them out when I left, my dad always complained about how cluttered it all was, but I guessed they missed me more than they let on. My mom knew how much those teeth meant to me. 

During that time I thought I would grow up and be just like him, but once I turned 10 I changed my mind. My mom had been a helicopter parent that limited everything that I saw as a child. I ended up spending a weekend at grandpa’s house and he had taken me to see Ice Age in theaters. I was completely obsessed with Diego, and found myself buying books about the Ice Age. Then about dinosaurs. Our next trip was to Kelley’s Island, Ohio where I found some fossilized coral and a few crystals in the limestone. That was the summer I knew I wanted to be a paleontologist- little did I know I would spend more time looking at rocks than sabertooth tigers and mammoths.

“That sounds nice,” Namjoon replied. “All of my knowledge was from Indiana Jones.”

I laughed.

“Nothing wrong with that.”

I could picture a young Namjoon running around his house wearing a cowboy hat yelling about booby traps. It must have gone against the grain for his family. They were a lot like mine- working class and safe. His father was in business and his mother was a teacher. He and his sister were ambitious, and his rebellion rubbed off on her. Of course, they were proud of him, but it was difficult to convince them that he was making good choices. I frowned. I don’t think my family was all that proud of me outside of getting into Harvard.

“You know I think the world of you, right?” He suddenly asked, serious.

“Huh?”

“I’m just saying you don’t give yourself enough credit,” He clarified. “You really don’t have anything to worry about. Whatever you want you can get, so go for it.”

I bit my lip, “And if it doesn’t work out?”

He snorted, “Doubtful. Still, even if you don’t get something right out of school you’ll be just fine. You’ve made it this far.”

I heard him moving around and I realized that he was in bed. I wondered again if I had actually woken him up. He continued to talk.

“You should come with me this summer.”

Blinking, I didn’t know what he was talking about.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I was invited on an excavation to Africa with a group of us and a few professors. I can see if you could come along. They would probably love to have some additional eyes and ears.”

I yawned loudly. I was getting very tired. Namjoon chuckled but did not tease me about it the way he normally would. He was waiting for a response.

“You can ask,” I answered, excited by the prospect. “I’m always happy to go on a dig, and I’ve never been out of the country before.”

He laughed in disbelief.

“I’d grill you about that, but you’re exhausted. Get some sleep, 203.”

I hummed, tucking my blanket under my chin. The cold was still nipping at my body, but I was not as bothered by it as I had been. Talking had been a nice distraction. My eyes closed on their own accord, and I sighed content.

“You, too, 201,” I mumbled. “See you tomorrow?”

“I’ll be back around 6.”

“Day or night?” My voice was very quiet now.

“Night,” I could tell he was smiling. “Can I come over?”

I yawned again, “Sure. I’ll be in class until 8.”

“Night, Y/N.”

I grinned, “Night, Joon.”

I placed my phone beside my pillow and cracked open my eyes. I hung up before rolling over. I was asleep seconds later.

Checking my watch again, I smiled. I only had a few minutes left of lab work before I was free. Glancing over at Morgan, she was hunched over a microscope looking at some plants. I wondered how fun being a Paleobotanist could really be, but coming from studying rocks for eight years I guessed it was more exciting than that.

The lab was practically empty this evening. Not many of us took these night classes, but I loved them. I would just go to work right after I finished up and keep the momentum up for the next day. I was happy the shop was closed for the week due to repairs. It gave me some breathing room to focus on my thesis, and I would be able to go and see Namjoon.

Deciding to start putting my supplies away, put disposables on a metal trey and took out another to begin the process of putting away the fossil I was collecting data on. Tonight, instead of the tusk, I was asked to look at a new trilobite fossil casted in limestone. It was a smooth, easy, and quiet day of writing and sample taking. Bringing the fossil back to the museum’s storage room, I bumped into Dr.Lupon.

“Oh! Y/N,” She exclaimed, a large smile on her face. “I was just about to come looking for you.”

I nodded, “Nice to see you, Dr.Lupon. I was just putting away the trilobite from this morning.”

“Sure, sure,” She nodded, waving toward the room. “Go and do that then meet me back in my office. I have someone who wants to speak with you.”

And then she was whirling away, shouting out to some of the other students to let them know they should start cleaning up. Her long, white peacoat flared out behind her and her heels clicked loudly. I shook my head and went back to work. I could not think of a single person who would want to see me at this hour. 

After getting out of my lab gear, I messaged Namjoon to let him know I would be a little late to talk with my professor. Going to find Dr.Lupon proved easier than normal. She really was in her office. Normally, I would have to run all over the museum to find her.

“There she is,” Dr.Lupon smiled, gesturing me in. “Come on in, Y/N.”

Aside from Dr.Lupon sat two older men. One was bald, his skin tan and showing minimal signs of aging. The other had long, wavy, orange hair with thick strands of gray beginning to show. He had a full beard and wore thin, wire glasses. Both of them stood up to greet me. The bald man had a gentle, barely there handshake while the other’s was firm. I gave them both a tight-lipped smile and introduced myself.

“Dr.Christopher Jonas,” The bald man replied, a warm smile on his face.

“Dr.Alistair Moody,” The ginger said after with a thick, English accent. He did not seem as friendly, and reminded me of one of my former biology instructors. That guy was an asshole. “Pleasure to meet you, Dr.Y/L/N.”

I laughed nervously, “I’m not a doctor just yet, Dr.Moody.”

“You will be in a short few months.”

Dr.Jonas gestured to a third seat on their side of the desk. Dr.Lupon was sat comfortably in her seat. Walking over, I sat in the chair. Moody sat beside me and Jonas on the far left. Dr.Lupon gave me a cheeky wink before getting down to business.

“Well, Y/N,” She started. “One of Dr.Moody’s students asked if you would be interested in joining them on an excavation to Sudan and he arranged for a meeting.”

Looking over at Moody, I nodded politely. He was quick, no nonsense, and seemingly hopeful to have me on the team if he went to the trouble of setting up a meeting with Lupon. I knew many faculty members found her hard to work with due to how excentric she could be. I adored the bubbly blonde, and was eternally grateful for all she had done for my career. She believed in me the same way my grandfather had.

“Yes,” I nodded. “I told him that he could see if there was any more room for the trip.”

“We were surprised to hear you were interested at all,” Dr.Jonas spoke up. I guessed he would be another professor organizing everything. “You’re a very difficult woman to convince.”

I laughed. “Have you tried before?”

“Oh, yes,” He laughed, rolling his eyes playfully. “I took my wife’s last name when we got married. You knew me as Christopher Hamal at the time, and I think I emailed you so often you put me in your spam folder.”

Laughing out loud, I clutched my stomach. I remembered Mr.Hamal very well. He was still getting his doctorate and begged me to join his team for a trip to Somalia. Unfortunately, I was far too swamped with work and going through a large argument with my family. I was also not very interested in any archaeological digs since I would be stuck on rock duty. Now, however, rock duty sounded like more fun than nothing at all.

“I’m sorry about that,” I chuckled. “I didn’t mean to be rude. I admire your tenacity, but I was really busy and couldn’t find time to go for a winter trip.”

Jonas laughed, “I should have seen you in person, it might have gone over better. Besides, after reading all of your research papers from the time, I have to say I’m glad you stayed behind. They were fantastic.”

I smiled at the man. It seemed like everyone was trying to be sure I was locked in this time. I thought over the journey to Sudan and hoped he meant caves. There were so many beautiful cave paintings there, and I would love the chance to see them in person. Rock duty, or dig duty, was always fun when you got to see cool shit.

“Anyway,” Moody spared me a small grin. “We just wanted to confirm your interest. We are in desperate need of support staff for the first timers, and I believe you would be a great asset to our team.”

“Before you answer that,” Lupon interrupted me before I could speak. “I’ve volunteered both Morgan Dawson and three of my first year doctoral students to go as well. We will be taking a small tour of Africa, and I would expect for you to be there for both Sudan and the trip after.”

I nodded, “What will I be doing for the rest of the trip?”

Dr.Lupon smugly smiled, “You will be my assistant. Morgan is our data collector for this trip, and I want you to be the one making sure whatever we find is properly protected.”

I smiled brightly, “Ms.Dawson and I work well together.”

The three of them seemed pleased by my comment. Deciding to bring the meeting to a close, I looked at Dr.Moody.

“I’d love to join the team.”

Jonas clapped happily and quickly stood from his seat and leaned over the other man. I took his outstretched hand happily, the smile never leaving my face. He seemed to be more excited about my presence than I did.

“Wonderful news!” He laughed, his good mood infectious.

“Indeed,” Moody chimed in, his reactions more in line with a serious professional. Still, he offered me his hand. “I’ve heard great things about you, Dr.Y/L/N.”

I looked away bashfully. Dr.Lupon was over the moon, her brown eyes sparkling with delight. She and Jonas shared a handshake.

“Y/N’s a treat,” She gushed. Looking over at me, I could see a glint of mischief in her eye. Lupon was prone to meddling and I worried what she might say. “Christopher was the head field paleontologist at Glendive before he came to Harvard.”

Glendive was one of the largest dinosaur museums in America. Based out of Montana, I had gone twice with my grandfather during our summer trips, but it had never caught my eye outside of the fossils. Glendive had far more biblical roots than was normal for a museum, and their philosophy did not really match my own. Still, it was impressive for Jonas to be affiliated with them. It was not an easy task.

“That’s nice,” I smiled politely. 

“Where are you headed after graduation?” Dr.Moody asked.

Again, Dr.Lupon responded before I could. She was most definitely meddling, but for once it did not bother me. I was still excited about the good meeting. 

“She’s still looking.”

Dr.Moody looked at me confused. No doubt he was expecting something a bit more substantial. I knew Morgan was on her way to Berlin, many of his own students were more than likely already making their own future plans, and I was still stuck. It was strange in our line of work. If you had enough connections- anything could happen, and I had more than enough to get a job somewhere.

“What’s holding you back?” He asked, an eyebrow raised.

I shrugged, “I was hoping the Field Museum would have something, but unfortunately they’re fully staffed.”

Dr.Moody regarded me for a moment. I assumed he was sizing me up. I had a great reputation, my grades were impeccable, and my knowledge was useful. Truly, any museum I went to would be lucky to have me on staff. I was more of an asset than one might think. I was just being stubborn. I had no idea what I wanted.

“Well,” Moody said after a moment. “I doubt Glendive would scratch that itch for you. No offense, Jonas.”

“None taken,” He replied good-naturedly. “I know it’s not the place for everyone.”

“I’m a volunteer at the AMNH,” Moody continued without missing a beat. “They have a few openings for the invertebrate department. Apply.”

Blinking rapidly, I tried to calm my breathing. Field was my dream location, but the American Museum of Natural Science was almost untouchable. Their teams were huge, dedicated, and highly sought after. I hadn’t even gone on their site to see if they were hiring. I would be honored to get the job, but I was worried if my connection would make things unfair.

“Oh, Y/N!” Lupon exclaimed. “You should most definitely apply. You’d be such a great addition to their team. I remember working there back in the early 2000s and I adored it.”

I had completely forgotten about Dr.Lupon’s affiliation. I recall her saying she was in the vertebrae department in her early years. It had been before she went back to school for her doctorate here at Harvard. I smiled at her, hoping it conveyed that I knew exactly what she was doing.

“I’ll look into it,” I finally said to Moody. “I’ve always loved the AMNH.”

He nodded at me, a small smile on his face. I was hopeful by his pleased look. Maybe I could manage to score the job. 

“The museum is actually sponsoring the trip,” Jonas said. I had forgotten he was here. “I’m sure they’d be fine with you coming.”

Moody nodded, “The position I’m talking about is in the field. You’d also have to help with the research part of things, but I doubt you’d mind it all that much.”

I shook my head, “Not at all.”

We spoke for a few more minutes about some small details regarding the trip, and Jonas said he’d send me an email with all of the information attached. After giving him all of my contact information, I excused myself.

“I’ll have to thank Namjoon Kim for convincing you,” Jonas sighed.

“He’s never been afraid of putting himself out there,” Moody grinned. He was fond of my neighbor, and it warmed my heart. Namjoon had a way of doing that. “It’s his best quality.”

Dr.Lupon raised an eyebrow at me. The other two men were engrossed in their conversation. I shrugged my shoulders, but allowed a smile. Her eyes lit up in excitement. Dr.Lupon and I had grown rather close over the years, and her old age did not stop her from living like a 21-year-old model. My love life was a topic of conversation when we were alone, and I would have to talk with her about Namjoon at some point. It would not be in front of the two men.

“Well, thank you both again,” I announced. “It is late, however, and I have some plans for the evening. I’ll be taking my leave.”

The three of them bid me goodnight and safe travels. I left before I could get swallowed up in another conversation. Checking my phone, I winced when I looked at the time. I had been here for a lot longer than I realized. Pulling up Namjoon’s phone number, I pressed call.

“Hey,” He answered after a couple rings.

“I’m so sorry,” I rushed, pushing open the doors to get outside. “I got called into a meeting and couldn’t leave.”

He hummed, obviously not upset.

“What was the meeting about?”

I unlocked my bike from the bike rack and placed Namjoon on speakerphone. I secured my helmet in place before responding.

“That Sudan excavation. Dr.Moody and Jonas just wanted to iron out details, and of course, my professor weaseled her way into the project.”

He laughed, “What’s the catch, then?”

I smiled, kicking off. I had put my phone on the holder I installed on my handlebars. 

“I’ll only be in Sudan for 4 weeks instead of the three months,” I pouted. “I’ll be in Zambia and Tanzania after. Then, I think we’ll swing by the Karoo Basin. Dr.Lupon hasn’t made that official just yet.”

I cycled quickly, but not enough to hinder my ability to talk. I think he was perfectly fine with my late night, but I still felt guilty about leaving him hanging. I was so excited to see him earlier, but now it felt like I was walking into an argument. My mother hated tardiness. I bit my lip. Namjoon was nothing like her, I reasoned. In fact, my mom would never, ever approve of him if she knew him on a personal level. She’d call him a pig, dim-witted, know-it-all, and rant and rave about his baggy clothes. I relaxed. There was no way he would ever act like her.

“Why would she want to?” He asked. 

I turned onto my street.

“The Karoo Basin is one of the best spots for digging. It’s the reason we know as much about the mass extinction as we do. It’s a hard spot to pass up- even if it’s just a quick history lesson and taking pictures.”

I pulled up to the bike rack out front. I parked quickly, locked it up, and threw my helmet into the basket on the front. Taking my phone off the holder, I pressed it to my ear now.

“I just got home,” I heard Namjoon getting out of bed on the other side and his door opening. I smiled. “I’ll see you in a second.”

“I’ll be here.”

Hanging up, I stuffed my phone into my pocket. I only made it a few steps before I heard a familiar voice call my name. Stiffening, I almost made a run for it, but I didn’t know if that would only make things work. I decided to be nice, I was good at that, but firm. 

Taehyung jogged up to me, slightly winded. He looked normal, like he never made me uncomfortable, and even placed a hand on my shoulder to steady himself. He braced his knee with the other. I was uncomfortable immediately, but found myself frozen. 

“I’ve been trying to run into you,” He finally said, standing up. He did not move his hand.

“Why’d you block me?” He demanded, the friendly tone never leaving his voice.

Still, I was unsettled. Everything about his demeanor said he was far from calm and friendly. His shoulders were tense, his grip on my shoulder ever so slightly tighter than it should be, and the smile on his face almost seemed painted on. It was too wide, too joyful, and showed too many teeth for someone who had been rejected.

I shrugged my shoulders to see what he would do. His grip only got tighter. Laughing awkwardly, I then took a step away from him. His hand loosened but did not move all the way. Growing more uncomfortable, I shuffled.

“I told you,” I started, my voice gentle and unsure. “You were making me uncomfortable. You still are.”

Taehyung sighed, and I swore it sounded frustrated, but the openness in his expression said anything but. In fact, he looked heartbroken. Shifting awkwardly, I tried again to remove his hand. He let me go this time, but took a few steps closer to me. I took one back. He took another.

“I just like you so much,” He said, anguished. “I didn’t mean to come off like that. I swear! I just wanted to see your face.”

I didn’t believe him, but I thought I was being too hard on him. Maybe, if I just acted nicely he would go away and I could see Namjoon. He was probably wondering where I was. I gave Taehyung a weak smile.

“No, I understand, " I said, my voice hollow even to my own ears. “I, uh, I appreciate that.”

Taehyung seemed to pounce now. The sadness in his eyes was gone and instantly replaced with excitement. It was unnerving and I took another step back. He followed me again. I wanted him to go away.

“So, can we still go out?” He asked, the happiness in his voice clearly fake. Or was it? I didn’t know him well enough to say yes or no. I was growing angry with the back and forth my mind kept doing. “We can go right now, if you want. There’s a taco place that’s open a few blocks over.”

I wanted to vomit at the thought of going to Namjoon and I’s spot with anyone else. Especially Taehyung. My skin crawled at the thought of being alone with him. Seeing him tonight put a lot in perspective for me. How much of our friendly relationship had been for show? When he asked me out, did he think I would do whatever he asked without question? Whatever the case was, I felt my own anger bubbling. He was so see through he could have been made of glass.

“Actually-”

“Hey!”

My heart leapt. Frantically, I looked for Namjoon. He was a few feet away, his mouth set into a hard line, and coming closer. Smiling in relief, I quickly backed away from Taehyung and started walking closer to the dark-haired man. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder protectively.

Taehyung’s happy face was gone just as quickly as the happy one. He openly glared at Namjoon, his eyes dark. This only seemed to egg Namjoon on, and he simply pulled me closer to him.

“Didn’t they tell you approaching women at night is a bad idea?” Namjoon asked.

Taehyung's scowl deepend. “I’m her friend, dude. Who the fuck are you?”

I frowned. No, we were not friends. I never considered him one either. He was starting to scare me. Namjoon was unbothered.

“Her boyfriend,” He shot back. “So, I’ll have to say no to those tacos.”

Pulling me away, Namjoon was at ease as we walked away from Taehyung. I had to fight the urge to look back at him. I was worried about who I would see this time. 

He waited until we were going upstairs to ask me about the situation. I explained that it had been Taehyung, the guy who I had to block a few weeks ago, and how it had been the first time I’d seen him since. 

“He was weird tonight,” I admitted, unlocking my door. “Really weird, actually.”

Namjoon hummed but said nothing more. Wanting to brighten the mood, I immediately took my jacket off once we got inside. Throwing it on my bed, I turned and hugged Namjoon tightly. I could feel the tension leave his shoulders immediately and his arms wrapped around my waist. Placing a gentle kiss to the top of my head, he sighed happily.

“I’m happy to see you,” He said.

And with that, Taehyung was removed from my mind.

Looking over at Namjoon, I found it harder and harder to concentrate. The two of us had been at the library for two hours, and each time I looked over my books, my will to study dwindled.

He looked nice today. Nicer than I was used to seeing him. He had a job interview this morning, something that he would start once we were back from the excavation, and he did not have the time to go home and change afterwards. He said he did not want to be late to our study session. I was doubtful.

I knew he knew how his black slacks hugged his thighs, accentuating the muscles there, and highlighting how long his legs were. It was like they never stopped. Eyeing his belt, the thoughts of him taking it off ruined my concentration again. I heard him chuckle, but I still refused to acknowledge just how worked up I was.

Things were still slowly getting more heated between the two of us since the night I had run into Taehyung. Soft forehead kisses were a commonplace now, and everyone he introduced me to knew me as his girlfriend. We had not, however, gone much further than that.

It was starting to drive me insane. Namjoon had a habit of gently touching me whenever we were alone. Innocent, sweet, and caste touches that left me starved for his attention. I wondered if he thought we needed more time, but I found that hard to believe as well. Something else was going through his head, and I was trying my best to be patient.

Taking another quick look at him, I admired how tightly the deep purple button up strained against his chest. The top three buttons were open, exposing some of his tanned chest and I worked very hard to keep my breathing in check. He was so pretty it hurt.

Namjoon laughed again. I quickly looked back at my book. He found my ogling funny. I swore I saw his chest puff from my seat, and I bit my lip to suppress my growing smile. He was enjoying himself.

“Take a picture,” He said after catching me again. “It’ll last longer.”

Closing my book, I placed it on the table and grinned.

“You look nice.”

Namjoon smiled, his dimples on full display. He enjoyed compliments more than Jimin, something that I never thought I would say. I wanted to introduce them eventually. I knew they would get along, and my friends have been badgering me about meeting my “mystery man.” Wren knew him, but she went along with Kendall’s whining.

“You look better,” He shot back, wiggling his eyebrows.

I scoffed. He always did that. I made a show of looking over my old tracksuit and raised an eyebrow. He chuckled, keeping his voice down.

“Oh, yeah, definitely better.”

I rolled my eyes. 

“You’re impossible.”

I started putting my books away, Namjoon joining without asking. He always followed my lead. Startled, I realized that we were stuck because of me. Without saying a word, he had put every ball in my court to see where I would throw it. It was not until after my late night texts that he knew he could do the same to me. Hugs had also been initiated by me. Even our first conversation, even if they were through notes, had been all me. The only time he had pushed was after he thought long and hard about it. Only when I failed to push further did he see how far he could go. Looking at him now, I knew that he would do whatever I wanted.

What did I want?

“Where are we going, 201?” He asked, his eyes bright.

A wave of calm washed over me as I regarded him. He truly was the kindest man I had ever met. The echo of a woman screaming for him only made me smile harder. He was as kind as he was mean, and I was growing curious about the other side of him. Very, very curious.

“How do you feel about meeting some friends of mine?” I asked.

He nodded, “Sounds like fun. You said I already know one of them, yeah?”

We started walking downstairs. We had set up at the top floor of the library in a far off corner. I placed my finger over my mouth as we walked. There were a lot of students here studying and I did not want to get on the librarian’s bad side. He was known for kicking people out over the pettiest things. I responded once we were outside.

“Wren Wu,” I replied.

“Oh!” He exclaimed, excited. “She’s the French-Chinese girl, right?”

Laughing, I nodded.

“That’s the one.”

Wren was a minority in her field. Mostly surrounded by white men it did not surprise me that Namjoon would remember her Ethnicity more than anything else. It was rare to see a woman of color at all, but a Chinese woman who could speak Cantonese and French was even rarer.

Wren had told me the two of them tended to stick together on their excavations. There was an Egyptian man and a woman from Nigeria that she was also close with. Apparently, they felt far more comfortable with one another than anyone else. I knew Wren was chased a lot by the men she worked with and took great pleasure in saying she was married. 

“She’s always fun,” Namjoon laughed, remembering something. “I’d love to meet her outside of work.”

“You’ll also meet her husband,” I said, looking for Namjoon’s car. “You’ll like him a lot. He was a Classics major, and got his Ph.D. two years ago. He’s teaching at an all boy’s school now.”

Finding the silver Volvo was easy enough, and I pointed in its direction. Namjoon clicked his lock just to be sure. The headlights flashed. 

“Sounds stuffy,” He admitted.

I laughed, “Jimin’s the furthest thing from stuffy. He’s more reserved now, but back in the day he was an absolute terror.”

I slid into the passenger seat with ease. Namjoon quickly started the car and turned the heating on. It had started snowing a few days ago and the wind was horrible. I placed my hands in front of the vent to warm up. He shot me a glare as he pulled out. He had been upset that I forgot to wear gloves. I smiled sheepishly back.

“Who else will be there?” He asked, his interest growing.

“Kendall and Jungkook,” I said, not realizing that I made them sound like a couple before it was out of my mouth. I ignored it and kept going. “Maybe Hoseok if he’s not working. Jimin’s cousin, Yoongi, always shows up to our get-togethers.”

“Who are they?”

Namjoon hated driving in silence, and hated putting on music to fill it up even more. He always thought there was something to talk about- even if there wasn’t. I relaxed into my seat and began talking.

“Kendall’s a paramedic. I met her through Wren. Jungkook has been my best friend since freshman year and is in law school. Hoseok is a physician at Children’s Hospital, and Yoongi is a real estate agent. They were roommates for years, and always threw Christmas parties. We met after Wren invited me to one when she and Jimin started dating.”

That had been a rough year. I had been seeing this guy for a few months, and Jenna ended up getting in his head. He broke up with me over text and promptly blocked me soon after. Wren refused to let me sulk, and my dad was giving me the silent treatment so I did not go home. After dragging me out, I was surprised at how much fun I had. Hoseok and I even kissed under the mistletoe, but I chose not to tell Namjoon about that. We were tipsy off the eggnog and never spoke about it again.

“When are you supposed to see them?” He asked, turning into our apartment parking lot.

I shrugged, “I’ll call Wren once I get inside to see.”

He pulled up to the stairs. He had class in a few minutes, but insisted on dropping me off. After Taehyung he was more cautious about leaving me alone. I appreciated it but I did not think it was really necessary.

“I’ll see you in a bit,” He looked over at me and smiled.

As much as I did not want to leave the car, I knew I had to. With a wave and a kiss on his cheek, I got out and made my way upstairs. The cold nipped at my skin and I rushed to get to my door. I saw a small Amazon box sitting out front with my mother’s name on it and sighed. She had been very disappointed when I told her I would be staying on campus for Christman break. Again. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that dad was the only reason I did not want to go back.

I made the trip for Thanksgiving, but it was not long after I got there that my dad picked a fight with me. My mom and I had come to an understanding years ago already, and I could tell that she was making an effort to respect my decisions. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for my dad. When I told him that I would only move back to Chicago if I got a job at Field, he was livid and demanded to know why I treated them so badly. I ended up staying at my uncle’s house for the rest of my trip, and only called my mom to tell her “Happy Thanksgiving.” I did not want to deal with it for Christmas either.

Slipping inside, I was happy that the heating was fixed. It was still weak and practically room temperature, but it was much better than cold air blasting. I turned on my space heater and got a pair of scissors from the kitchen.

Opening the box, I smiled sadly. Inside was a small set of chisels and a brand new hammer. A pair of gloves as well as a small journal were underneath them. She never really knew what to buy me, not sure how I would react to things, but always tried. This was the first time she ever bought me excavation gear. 

Putting the box away under my bed, I knew I should call her first and then get in touch with Wren. I would need them to pick me up. Preparing myself, I pressed the call button and waited. No amount of breathing or calming exercises helped. She picked up on the third ring and I nearly cried. I loved her but it was hard to be in her life. I heard a man’s voice in the background, and nearly hung up. Why did he have to be home?

“Hello?” 

I took a deep breath and forced a smile to my face. That helped. Pretending helped.

“Hey mom,” I said, proud of how strong it sounded. 

“Oh!” I could hear her joy and it nearly brought me to my knees. I heard my dad ask who it was and she said my name. He was very quiet and I think I heard something slam. I closed my eyes and hung my head. “It’s so nice to hear your voice. Did you change your mind about Christmas?”

Sniffling, I wiped the tears from my cheeks. With great effort, I brought the smile back. I doubt she would ever be able to tell when something was wrong with me. She had never been the most aware mother despite her best efforts.

“No,” I replied. “I actually got something in the mail from you.”

“From me?” She was confused. I was confused. “I didn’t send you anything.”

Dragging the box back out, I reread the name on the package and confirmed that it was for sure her. She was very adamant that she had never sent me anything, but maybe it was her sister. They both used the same Amazon account. I agreed with her but did not believe it for a second. Aunt Halle would have given me romance books and expensive chocolates. There was only one other person who would send me something like this, and I knew I would have to talk to him.

“Hey mom?” I interrupted her story about her Bingo night.

“Yes?” She asked, oblivious to the way my voice wobbled.

“Can you put dad on the phone?”

She went very quiet. She hated out fights more than anybody, and I always felt awful for her. Forever stuck in the middle without any guidance on who to choose. I knew she agreed with me, I knew that she just wanted me to be happy, and I knew that she knew he always started the fights. But I also knew that she hated me being so far away, she hated how different we were, and she hated that I had made everything so difficult. If I had just did what they wanted me to do then we would still be a family, but I couldn’t leave things alone. I was too much like my grandfather.

“I’ll go get him,” She finally replied, voice soft as a feather.

It took a few minutes, and I heard their hushed anger through the other side. He did not want to talk to me. I looked at the box and steadied myself. No, he obviously did want to talk to me, but he was a prideful man. He was not used to me being disagreeable, and had a hard time looking at me like a grown woman. I repeated the mantra in my head until he came to the phone.

“Y/N,” He greeted me, apprehensive and hesitant. “What do you need to talk with me about?”

I knew he loved me, I knew he adored me, and I knew he truly thought he was doing the right thing. That did not make the hurt go away. A fresh set of tears ran down my cheeks at the sound of his voice. He had been talking to me like that since I turned 16. 

“I got the package,” I replied, just as closed off and cold.

We went around and around each time.

He cleared his throat. “Good.”

“Yeah.”

I took a breath and tried once again to calm myself. This should not be this hard, but it was. I wiped my face and focused on the heavy breathing on the other side of the phone. He was just as bad as I was. We were both stubborn. It almost made me laugh.

“Come home for Christmas,” He all but begged, his voice much softer now. “Your mother misses you.”

I shook my head in defeat, “I know she does.”

We both knew what I wanted him to say. 

“Think about it,” He urged, not giving in.

I always had a hard time accepting this side of my dad. When I was a girl, he was loving. He would always humor me, and he always took the time out of his day to answer whatever stupid questions I asked him. For every “why” I asked my dad would always find an answer. Even if it was “I don’t know” he would give me that. Things changed as I did, and I never really knew why. Kendall said it was normal for parents to have a difficult time with their children growing up, but she had a completely different family from mine. She was raised by a single mother who only learned to love her more with each passing year. My parents mourned the child they always wanted that I could never give them.

“Dad,” I sighed. “Why did you send me something?”

He sighed, defeated. I hoped we could get somewhere now. Heavy sighs usually meant he was tired of licking his wounds and wanted me to lick them for him.

“I miss you,” He finally admitted. “I wanted you to know that I was sorry, and I want you to visit more. I’m sorry about Thanksgiving, Y/N.”

And I cried.

“I’m sorry, too,” I sobbed. “I shouldn’t have run out like that.”

I heard quiet cries from him now, and I huffed. My dad was such a sensitive person. He was one of those people who cried during movies and donated to animal shelters. The only time his horns showed was for me, and I always made sure ours locked. Now, though, neither one of us wanted to fight.

I sniffled, “I’ll come home, dad. Okay?”

He cried harder, “Please. I already have a ticket and everything. Just please come home.”

“I’ll be there.”

We spoke for a few minutes, mostly making sure that I was actually going to go home and me reassuring him that I would. He told me he had to get back to work and hung up. It was Saturday, and even if he had paperwork to do, my father never did anything outside of work hours. He just needed to calm himself down. 

I wasted no time calling Wren. I had sucked up my mood enough to make it through the brief phone call. She was excited, more so than usual, and immediately agreed to having dinner at her house. After interrogating me about things that Namjoon would want, and me reassuring her that he would eat anything she made him, we hung up.

Me: Wren invited us to dinner at her house

Me: What time will you be finished today?

I had to wait a few minutes for a response, but it helped me catch my breath. I was upset at myself for caving so easily, but I really wanted to make up with him. I wanted things to work the best they could. Thinking about my dad now, I hoped I would get the chance to tell him about Namjoon when I got home. That would help the both of them feel better about me being far away, and my mother would be excited to tell her friends at Bingo. It was something she knew about, and other people would be able to talk with her about. I smiled at the mental image.

Joon: I’ll be finished up at 5 today. We can leave at 6 so I can shower and change

I frowned, thinking about the nice outfit from today. Why would he need to change? He looked yummy.

Me: But you look nice already

Joon: Not too dressed up?

I pursed my lips. Quickly texting Wren, I asked her what the dress code was. I was already underdressed for these things, but the thought of Namjoon in anything but that purple shirt was painful. He just looked too damn fine.

Wren: It’s always been dressy casual. You’re the only person who shows up in sweats. Why?

I laughed.

Me: Joon wanted to know

Wren: I like him more and more

Texting Namjoon back, he said he still wanted to shower and change, but he would keep that in mind. Pouting, I decided to kill time by taking a shower myself. I could figure out clothes once I was out. Putting the space heater on a higher heat, I hoped the room would be warm enough to keep my teeth from chattering when I got out.

I put on my shower speaker and started getting the water hot. I had been going through a nostalgia run recently, and had made an R&B playlist. My mom always listened to it when she cleaned the house. Keisha Cole started singing and I sang along as I got undressed. I lost track of time as I danced and sang happily, swaying my hips with my eyes closed.

“I might as well have cheated on you,” I sang loudly, finally turning the water off. “As much as you accused me of cheating.”

Taking the speaker with me, I wrapped my towel around my body and went into the main room. I went to my dresser and began digging through it to find something to wear. Knowing Namjoon would be there I wanted to put in more effort than normal. I refused to be that person in the relationship, especially if he was going to put in effort as well.

“I’m not scared of the lions, and tiger, and bears,” I sang along with Jazmine Sullivan. Fearless was my favorite album when I was in middle school. I scoffed at how naive I had been then. “I’m not scared to perform at a sold out affair, but I’m scared of loving you.”

My phone chimed.

Wren: Does he like seafood?

Me: That’s the only thing that’s iffy

Wren: Will it offend him?

I huffed.

Me: No 

Me: He just won’t eat it but everyone else will

Wren: KK

She was stressed about this way too much. I put my phone on its charger and went back to looking for something to wear. I did not own too many dressy things. I wore business casual when I was teaching, and I owned plenty of boring lecture outfits, but I knew it was not what Wren had in mind. Going to the bottom drawer, I found a pair of loose, beige, linen pants. Trying them on, I was happy with how comfortable they were. Quickly matching it with a black turtleneck, I tucked the shirt in and adjusted it so it looked more cohesive. It was too icy outside for heels, so Wren would just have to be happy with my snow boots. We would not be wearing them inside anyway. With my outfit ready, I began doing my makeup and hair.

I was ready at 5:30, music still blasting while I took my time deciding on accessories. I was not going to wear them, but since I had time I thought a pair of earrings would be nice. I sang along to Destiny’s Child and danced around while I waited. I knew Namjoon would be able to hear me, but it only seemed to spur me. I wanted him to hear me. In fact, I wanted him to come over here and shut me up himself.

Surprised by my thoughts, I giggled nervously and dived on my bed to call Kendall. The sexual tension was really starting to make me lose my mind, and I knew she would be helpful. Wren would be too busy squealing and would have made the entire night about getting me laid. She was never the subtle type, either. 

“Yo,” She answered, her voice echoing.

I was on speaker. Great.

“You alone?” I asked, listening for Namjoon.

His shower was still running.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

Sighing, I almost lost my nerve. Things were going slow, insanely slow actually, but there was nothing wrong with it. Namjoon seemed happy and content, but I knew I wasn’t. I was hoping to move things along a bit more.

“How does one seduce their neighbor?” I asked, keeping my tone lighthearted.

Kendall laughed loudly and I giggled with her. This was something she expected from me by now. We always talked sex and romance with one another. Kendall was happy that I gave good advice about matters of the heart, and I was never disappointed with her sex tips. 

“Well, yours is a freak,” She joked, “So, I think you have a bit of an advantage.”

“He’s barely touched me,” I admitted, biting my lip.

The water was still running.

“Really?” Kendall seemed surprised. “Does he think you’re a virgin?”

I choked on my own spit. I had never even considered that. Could he think that? Even if he didn’t think I was a virgin, he could think I was very inexperienced. He would not be completely wrong, I hated to admit, but it still felt embarrassing to think about. Trying not to rush to conclusions, I told Kendall we had never talked about that but I doubted he thought that.

“Does he know you want to have sex?” She asked this time.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I haven’t said yes or no. We’ve never even gotten in a position for that to come up.”

Kendall huffed and I knew she was rolling her eyes at me. She always looked at me like I was an idiot when we talked about this stuff. According to her, I was too timid and uncomfortable to get what I wanted. I needed to work on that. I just had no idea where to begin.

“The guy sounds like he operates like me,” She had a hard time not coming off as a bitch, but I knew it was just the tone of her voice more than anything. She was very blunt and to the point, which could be off putting, but I appreciated it. “He’s probably just waiting for you to figure out what you want before he jumps on you. Probably doesn’t want to scare you away.”

I sighed, “He’s always waiting for me to make moves. I just don’t know how to initiate some of this shit.”

“Then tell him that.”

The water was turned off. 

“I have to go,” I said, keeping my voice down. “He’s out the shower and he’ll be able to hear me through the walls.”

Kendall chuckled, her voice much closer to the speaker now.

“See you later.”

Hanging up, I went back to the bathroom and began touching things up to kill time. The music still played but I was distracted. At 6 I turned everything off and slipped into my boots. I chose my black coat to wear for the ride over and went outside. Locking up, I leaned against the railings while I waited for Namjoon to come outside.

The snow had stopped falling, but I could make out patches of ice on the ground. I was glad I picked the practical shoes. I thought about Namjoon seeing me in heels and my stomach got warm. He seemed like the type who liked to keep them on. I shook my head and sighed. I needed to get a grip.

I thought again about what I might want tonight. We hadn’t even kissed yet, something that bothered me, and I knew Kendall’s words held some truth. I was the one holding everything back. I remembered how often Namjoon had sex before and frowned. He was insatiable. Was he just not that interested in me? Had he been more attracted to those women? Was he afraid of us getting too close? Maybe he thought I would be uncomfortable with his desires. Whatever the case, it was really starting to eat away at me.

“Have you been out here long?”

I jumped, quickly turning around. Eyes widening, I drank in Namjoon’s appearance with hungry eyes. He wore a similar pair of black trousers from earlier, but this time he was wearing a black shirt. I admired the heavy, brown plaid overcoat he wore and wondered if it was as warm as it looked. A pair of black leather gloves hugged his large hands tightly and I knew they were too tight. His eyes trained on my hands and a scowl was on his face. I had forgotten my gloves again.

“No,” I winced at how airy my voice was. “Just a couple minutes.”

Namjoon shook his head at me fondly, his hair slicked back and perfectly laid. It was new and I loved it. I could not tell if he was happy with how I looked, but I saw his eyes appraising me with fondness. Reaching into one of the pockets on his coat he handed me a black ball. I snorted. 

“You got me gloves?” I playfully mocked, slipping them on.

He smiled, “My mom would be disappointed in me if you were cold.”

We started walking together, our bodies close enough to touch, and I revealed the warmth that radiated from his body. Namjoon reached for my hand. I leaned closer to him and cursed having to let him go. The stairs were too narrow for us to stay like this.

“Your mom sounds a lot like Jimin,” I commented as we descended.

Namjoon laughed.

“He’s a stickler about the cold, too?”

I nodded, “Worse. Wren can’t leave the house without at least 6 layers at this time of the year.”

The drive was pleasant. Namjoon talked about his classes and the new job he was hoping to get. It would be a Field Director position at a company here in Boston. I had high hopes even if he was nervous. He was worried about more experienced people applying, but I tried to reassure him that a Ph.D did not replace field experience- something that he had plenty of. He was not sold, but I had a feeling he would get to the second round of interviews.

“Where do I turn?” He asked.

I pointed left, making sure to point out the dark side street their house was on. You would miss it if you did not know it was there. Wren loved their hidden away cul-de-sac, and I knew Jimin was proud of their home. He had grown up in a rough part of town in a small, one-story house that was falling apart when they bought it. Now he lived in one of the nicest homes in their neighborhood. He was even able to pay for his parent’s home to be renovated.

“It’s the big brick house at the end of the street,” I mumbled.

Namjoon whistled, “Nice place.”

I nodded, “They worked hard for this house. Wren worked two jobs and Jimin’s book about myths was flying off the shelves around the time it was on the market. It wasn’t always this nice, but the private school pays him extremely well so they’ve been fixing it up for the last three years.”

“Damn,” He whispered. “They did a really nice job.”

I giggled, “Yoongi’s got all the connections.”

Kendall and Yoongi were already here, their cars parked out front on the curb. Hoseok’s Pris was in the driveway, and I pointed it out to Namjoon. I was hopeful about the night. I knew he would get along with everyone, but I had a sneaking suspicion that Hoseok would be the highlight. Jimin could wax poetry, and Yoongi would drink him under the table, but Hoseok was personable and funny. They reminded me of one another in a way. 

Namjoon kept looking around, his eyes wide as he took in the nice houses around us. I smiled at him. He was very sweet. 

“Wren’s family was a big help,” I conceded. “They’re very well off and gave them a good bit of the money for the down payment.”

This seemed to ease him. His family had a difficult time when they first moved to America, and his father had to go back to school even though he had been an engineer for ten years in Korea. Something like this would have been far too much for his little family, and I had to agree with them. I was happy for my friends, but I was still uncomfortable when I saw it for the first time. I had even likened it to a mansion.

“Y/N!” Wren called out from the front door.

She must have been looking out of the window for us. I smiled at her and waved. Taking Namjoon’s hand, I jogged to the front door. Wren pulled me into a tight hug and I chuckled at her excitement. She was practically bouncing. It was rare for me to bring a guy home.

“You look so cute,” She gushed, happy with my outfit. 

She was on Namjoon quickly after.

“Hey Kim,” Her smile was splitting her face in half now, and I wondered if her cheeks hurt. “I’m so happy you came.”

Namjoon returned her hug. With a polite smile and reserved squeeze of her shoulder, he was trying to hide his uncomfortable shifting. He did not like being grabbed without permission- it was something we had spoken about during one of our first dates. He exhaled in relief once she walked away from him and back into the house. She had not stopped talking since she came outside. 

Taking our shoes off, I brought Namjoon over to the spare slipper rack in the small entryway. He looked for ones that were close to his size, but I could not tell if he was having any luck. Jimin had small feet, but maybe one of the others had big enough feet to make up for it. Wren had bought Kendall and I our own pairs for the housewarming party so I had no trouble finding them. Namjoon seemed to find ones that would work and put them on. 

“Jimin’s excited about having you over,” Wren was standing a few feet away still rambling. “He’s not able to talk with the other guys about his interests. You’re Heaven sent.”

I gave my friend a pointed look. She completely ignored me, flipping her ponytail in indignation, and continued to talk about how happy everyone was to see my date. Glancing at Namjoon I was happy to see he was relaxing a bit more. He was still tense, probably from the hug, and I wished to reach out to him. I was worried Wren would physically combust if I had.

“Come on,” She gestured overdramatically, already walking away. “Everyone’s in the kitchen.”

Namjoon stuck close to my side, his nervousness apparent to me. I doubted anyone else would be able to pick up on his too straight posture. Reaching out, I gently squeezed his arm and tried to reassure him with a smile. He grinned back at me, placing his hand over mine. Walking into the kitchen, I put a bit of distance between us to avoid Kendall and her side comments. Especially after the phone call from earlier. 

The kitchen was loud and in full-swing. The entire room smelled incredible and I was excited for dinner later. Sniffing, I could pick out the distinct smell of roasting meat and licked my lips. Knowing Wren, it was probably a duck. 

“Hey guys!” Jimin called out, eager. He was in an abnormally great mood this evening and quickly scooped me into a warm embrace. I hugged him back just as fiercely. Jimin was one of my good friends and I was hopeful he would get along with Namjoon. “It’s so good to see you.”

Stepping away from him, I took Namjoon’s hand in mine and pulled him closer. The two of them introduced themselves and shared a handshake. Namjoon did not pull his hand away from mine. Looking around, I waved to everyone else. They were all surrounding the large island in the middle of the room, large glasses of wine in their hands. Each of them were looking at Namjoon with intense interest and I shot them a glare.

“Come,” Jimin urged, “Make yourself comfortable. Wine?”

“That would be nice. Thank you,” Namjoon seemed to relax a bit at the warm welcome.

Kendall called me over, her patience ran out, and I looked back at Namjoon. He waved me off letting go of my hand. I nodded, completely unconvinced, and he smiled at me. As if to prove a point, he walked away from me first. 

“What are we having?” He asked Jimin.

“Wren made duck with a few side dishes,” The teacher replied easily, already starting to introduce him to Yoongi and Hoseok.

I found my place with the girls and got caught up with their conversation. As always, I was subject to their gossiping, but I couldn’t help my giggles. Kendall leaned into me, her laughter joining my own. I had always heard the strangest stories from the two of them. My favorites were Kendall’s ER tales. My favorite was the time she had to escort a man from one hospital to another due to his medical condition. When she got there he was in the ceiling and she had to help the nurses get him down. I laughed harder thinking about it.

I felt the tension I had no idea I was carrying melt. Tonight was going to be fun. Looking over my shoulder, I found Namjoon already looking at me. He looked so soft in the warm lights, and I had the urge to go to him. I stopped myself when Jimin got his attention once more. They were talking about Percy Jackson, which brought a smile to my face. Yes, tonight would be just fine.

“Thanks for inviting me,” Namjoon shook Jimin’s hand. He was at ease now, not a single bit of tension in him at all. I could smell the wine Kendall had spilled hanging in the air. It had gotten in his lap, but he seemed unbothered. “I had a wonderful time and dinner was delicious.”

Wren was flushed from the alcohol, and her eyes shined with pleasure from the compliment. She was used to our praises but after stressing all day she was glad things worked out. She was practically bouncing when Namjoon asked for her bitter melon recipe. I gave both of them hugs. Words didn’t need to be said- they knew how I felt.

“You’re welcome anytime,” Wren replied.

“Think about tennis, okay?” Jimin reminded him, shaking his hand again.

Hoseok and Jimin went to tennis once a week, but the doctor was busier than normal nowadays since the other urologist on staff retired. With the influx of new patients he had little free-time. Namjoon seemed interested in joining the pair, and Jimin jumped at the opportunity to spend more time with my boyfriend. They hit it off more than I thought they would and even exchanged numbers.

“I’ll let you know when I’m free,” He assured Jimin.

After talking for a few minutes, we finally walked back to the car. Things had gone very well tonight. After the nervous introductions, Namjoon settled into the group easily. He and Jimin talked about mythology and ancient Greece, Hoseok was happy to have a fellow baseball fan around, and Yoongi was just glad he did not have to deal with Jimin’s “nerding” alone. After the strange story about the West Virginian woman, the girls and I stuck to more mundane topics. Jungkook was busy tonight and could not make it, so I got an earful about how disappointed Kendall was. 

Blasting the heater, I could tell Namjoon was in a good mood. I was happy he had a nice time tonight. It was surprising how little I thought of him being there. Any other time I had brought a guy around I walked on pins and needles the entire night trying to hide as much of myself as possible. Smiling to myself, I let the feeling of rightness wash over me. I had finally found someone who liked me even with all of my niche interests. He actively indulged me as well, something completely foreign, and wanted to get to know the people I loved.

Glancing at him, I was blown away by how handsome he looked. Keeping my hands to myself had been the hardest part of the evening. Everytime I caught sight of him I wanted to run my fingers through his hair. Whenever we locked eyes I imagined myself pulling him somewhere quiet and taking what I wanted. Right now, I stared at his lips and wondered how they would feel.

“You looked beautiful tonight,” Namjoon suddenly said, eyes locked on the road. “I don’t remember if I told you that already.”

My smile widened, “Thank you regardless.”

He stole a look at me and grinned back. I shifted my body towards him and watched him openly now. I was going to kiss him tonight, I decided. If I was going to push my luck, I would be in his bed. The thought made me more anxious than I thought it would. Was I ready to have sex with him? Placing a large hand on my thigh, Namjoon stole another look at me and winked.

I would end up in his bed if it was the last thing I do.

The drive was quiet. My eyes were on him and his were on the road. The wine was catching up to me on the way out, but the cold air was sobering me up. Namjoon smelled of alcohol and cinnamon that made me dizzy.

The closer we got to the complex the more resolved I became. I wanted him so badly. Kendall had said he might be waiting for me, and knowing everything about him I was sure he was. He only gently guided me in the direction he wanted me to go, but never had he pushed through the invisible wall I had made. A wall I never really noticed.

Suddenly, I was upset about my choice of underwear. It was simple, white, and nothing to be excited about. I hoped he would be fine with that. I was not sure about the mystery women who stayed the night, but I could imagine they would go all out for the handsome man beside me. I on the other hand completely neglected to consider the possibilities. Filled with a sudden splash of doubt, I looked away from Namjoon.

“What’s the matter?” He asked gently.

I shook my head, “It’s dumb.”

“Nothing you ever say is dumb,” He argued, amused.

Should I talk to him about my fears? It was a hard conversation to have, but I was sure my nerves would make me back out of my plans. I wanted to have sex with him, at the very least a kiss, but I never thought about being insufficient. Would he like me? Would he still think I looked beautiful laid out on his bed with a pair of granny-panties on? Sighing in frustration, I decided to speak my mind. If Kendall was right about him waiting for me then maybe I should just tell him what I want.

“Why haven’t we moved forward with our relationship?” I asked.

Getting a gauge on his feelings might help me maneuver my own.

“I wasn’t sure how you felt,” He replied, voice even. In fact, he was talking like it was the easiest thing in the world. “I can be overwhelming and I wasn’t sure how to go about it with you. You’re very different from the women I usually meet.”

I nodded, “You were afraid of scaring me off?”

He chuckled. “You could say that. I mean, you know about that side of me more than I would like for you to.”

Face heating, I laughed in disbelief. He was so open about his feelings. It was strange to be with a man who treated me with enough respect to be honest. Namjoon and my father were polar opposites and it only made me happier. There was nothing to be ashamed about.

“And you think I don’t like that?”

Stealing a look at me, Namjoon nodded.

“I didn’t want to assume anything, but it’s hard to think about you in that setting.”

I laughed, “So sex with me is hard to think about?”

He grinned, his eyes twinkling with mischief. I smiled. I loved a playful Namjoon.

“Oh, no. That’s very, very easy.”

I hummed, “So, it’s the whips and chains then?”

“I think about it,” He said easily, turning down our street. “But I’m only into what you’re into.”

I laughed again. What were we talking about? We were almost to the parking lot now and I knew I would have to be very clear with him. He could think I’m joking, or maybe take this as a sign that we could do more but not tonight. No, I needed it tonight. I craved it. Thinking about him hovering over me and covering my body with his was mouth-watering.

“Well, I’m here,” I finally said, voice smaller than I would like. “If I didn’t like what you liked then I wouldn’t entertain this.”

Namjoon was quiet. Contemplative. I could tell by the quirk of his eyebrow that he was thinking of his next words carefully. I was done with the kid gloves. I wanted the cold, calculating predator from next door to make an appearance. As we parked, I changed my mind. We did not trust one another enough for that big of a leap. Maybe I could pay around with the nickname a bit? It seemed to rile him up.

“What are you asking me?” He asked, looking into my eyes.

I took a deep breath.

“I’m hungry,” I blurted out. I almost winced at how idiotic I sounded. Namjoon also seemed confused with my outburst, and I tried to fix it the best I could. “You have ramen at your place, right?”

From bewilderment to awe, it felt like a thousand different emotions crossed Namjoon’s face until it finally settled on amused. His eyes danced with laughter and I knew I had thrown him for a loop. I had never been bold like this but I wanted that to change. If he was waiting around for me then I would deliver.

“How far do you want to go?” He asked, his breathing picking up. “I need to keep myself in check.”

I giggled, opening my door. 

“Let’s figure that out together.”

With a smirk, Namjoon opened his own door. I was giddy with excitement. It felt like prom night all over again, only this time instead of the Girl’s Bathroom I’d be in a man’s apartment. Rounding the car, I met Namjoon on his side and took his hand. The two of us were laughing and sneaking looks at each other as we walked through the parking lot.

“What kind of ramen do you like?” Namjoon asked, unable to keep the smile off his face.

I pretended to think, the stupid grin on my face making my cheeks hurt.

“What would you recommend?”

I could tell he was enjoying the little game we were playing. He had yet to touch anything but my hand, but I could tell he was excited. His fingers trembled slightly and he walked much faster than normal. Trying to keep up, I nearly slipped. Namjoon quickly reached out to steady me.

Arm around my waist, he paused. The smile never left his face and we both laughed at the clumsy fall. Apologizing for his eagerness, Namjoon slowly helped me back on my feet. Of course, we were on a slick piece of ice and had to carefully walk along it to avoid any further falls. Keeping me close, Namjoon and I awkwardly shuffled across the ice.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I breathed, planting my feet on the concrete again. “You would think I’d be used to the snow by now.”

He chuckled, not letting me go. “Chicago or New York, the snow is still shitty.”

I just looked at him. He was so beautiful in the moonlight. His hair pushed back and gelled into place, the subtle way his eyes squinted to see me better in the shadows, and how cold his fingers felt through my clothes. All of it made me want to fall to my knees at his feet. Namjoon was so perfect and I realized that I was falling in love with him.

It only took him two months to force his way into my heart, and I no longer felt the need to stop him. Whatever insecurities or self consciousness that had unknowingly held me back felt unimportant now as I stood in his arms. Even if he ran away screaming one day, or somehow found me to be the most unattractive woman on the planet after tonight, I would not change it for a second. Because right now he looked at me like nothing was more precious to him.

He was looking at me like I was the most beautiful woman he had ever met.

Without thinking, I cupped his face and brought it down to meet my own. Our lips met in a second motion, his arms wrapping around my waist and cocooning me into his chest while mine held his cheeks like glass. His nose brushed against my cheek, cold and soft, while his chapped lips molded roughly against my own. He tasted like wine and garlic, but I had never had anything better.

It was gentle, sweet, and hardly there, but I felt the kiss all the way down to my toes. Moving my hands, I wrapped them around his neck and he hissed. Drawing back from me, Namjoon gave me a knowing look. I realized then that I had forgotten to put on my gloves. I chuckled and looked down at the concrete. My head was still floating.

My lips tingle where he had been.

Taking my hands from his neck, Namjoon took them into his large hands and rubbed on the exposed skin. I relished in the warmth. I really needed to get better at taking care of myself. Placing two soft kisses on each of them, Namjoon let them go.

“Let’s get inside,” His voice was softer, more gentle than it had been before. His eyes no longer held the same fire and his hands did not tremble. I was worried he had seen something in me that I had not. Had he not felt the same things I had? “You need to warm up.”

We walked upstairs in companionable silence. I was worrying over the kiss now. It was so nice. I loved how small I felt with him wrapped around me, the way his body enveloped mine, and how gently he touched me. He had felt so safe and warm I never wanted it to end. The way he looked at me…

There was nothing to worry about, I reminded myself. This was Namjoon. He enjoyed my company and listened when I talked. He built miniatures in my apartment and paid for my shitty street tacos. He had not brought anybody around since he made his promise. That had to count for something.

I would not let my insecurities ruin this for me.

Reaching our floor, he took my hand once again and walked us to his apartment. I did not even look at my door when we passed it. I would pretend it never existed for tonight. Hopefully, if all went well, I could come back here more often. 

Namjoon’s apartment was a mirror opposite of my own apartment. His bed was tucked into the same corner as mine, but instead of a small end table, there was a bookshelf beside his. A futon was near the front door with a few plants to decorate the living area. I admired the flatscreen on the wall and was pleased to find framed photos on either side. I would try to take a look at those another time.

The kitchen was just as boring as mine with the only exception being a toaster and a coffee pot on top of a small buffet table. I could smell a hint of the grinds in the room but other than that it was mostly art on the walls and shelves with some collectables above the futon. It looked far more lived-in than my place did. I refused to personalize anything until I bought my own house.

“I like it,” I said, taking my coat off and throwing it on the futon beside Namjoon’s. “Especially those Sailor Moon figurines.”

He laughed, “It was my sister’s favorite and I started watching it with her.”

“Are you a Sailor Jupiter or Sailor Venus, guy?” I joked.

Namjoon began taking off his watch. I admired how wide his shoulders were in his button-down. His legs looked so nice in those jeans that I found it difficult to keep my hands to myself. I was going to give him a moment to himself before completely throwing dignity out of the window. He was getting comfortable. I joined him and removed my shoes. I hadn’t gone further than the door.

“Neither,” He shrugged, throwing me a glance over his shoulder. “I’ve always had a thing for Pluto.”

Eyeing the figures, I saw Sailor Pluto, Mars, and, to my surprise, Chibi Moon also there. Her bubble gum pink hair stands out like a sore thumb in the otherwise neutrally colored house. I had never pegged him for an anime guy, let alone Sailor Moon, but I liked it. He felt comfortable enough with me to talk about it. I doubted any of the others took any notice of the small figures on the walls. I doubted he would have told them the backstory. 

“You look nervous.”

Turning toward his voice, I shook my head at Namjoon’s words. He seemed completely unconvinced, but made no other comment. His eyes watched my every move and I again noticed I was still standing at the door. Taking a deep breath, I took a few steps into the apartment. He seemed amused but worried. I tried to stomp down on my nerves but they came back with a vengeance. This was becoming a bit overwhelming and the pressure to initiate was too much weight on my shoulders. I had no idea where to begin.

I had said I wouldn’t let my insecurities ruin anything, and yet here I was.

“Talk to me, 203.”

I sighed, “I just feel…overwhelmed.”

Namjoon was at my side quickly, but made no move to touch me again. I appreciate the bit of space. It was refreshing- especially after Taehyung grabbed me. I shook my head at the thought, upset that it had even made its way into this space. This was just us right now and that loser was not going to ruin it for me.

“What’s overwhelming?”

I avoided eye contact while I spoke. It made it easier for the words to come out.

“I don’t know how to take the next step,” I admitted. “I’m feeling a lot right now, and all of it is about you, and I’m scared I’ll ruin something. I always ruin my relationships and I don’t want this to stop. I like you too much.”

Instead of laughing Namjoon asked me if we could sit and talk this out. Going to the futon, the small couch gave us little room from one another. Knees touching, I fidgeted with my hands and waited for him to say something.

“Look at me,” He said, gently bringing my face to meet his own. “Don’t think like that, okay? There’s nothing you could do right now that would ruin this.”

“But-”

“There are no ‘buts,’” He shot down my argument before it had even begun. “Whatever happened before this can’t change, but I know you. Whoever the fuck made you think you ruined something is an idiot, okay?”

I nodded, still not fully believing him. I would laugh about this tomorrow when the fears were pushed aside to see reason. All night I was reminding myself that he liked me, that he wanted me, and that all these thoughts were pointless. Still I had let them ruin the night. I wanted to punch myself in the face.

“Y/N,” Namjoon called to me. I looked up again. I hadn’t even noticed I looked away. “We don’t have to do anything. We can just sit here and watch a movie or something. Whatever you want.”

I shook my head, “It’s not about not wanting to. I’m just a bit nervous about being the person to initiate.”

He frowned, “And that’s all this is? You really look shaken up, 203.”

I smiled despite myself. My dad was right, I really was a drama queen. I nodded, placing my hands over his. 

“The last guy I slept with made me do all the work and then told his friends I was the worst lay he ever had,” I slipped my eyes closed. I did not want to see his face right now. The memory was far too embarrassing and I could hear the way they all laughed at me. “I’m just afraid of fucking up again.”

A light tap on my cheek made me open my eyes.

Namjoon looked so devastated. I wasn't sure if I hated the way people laughed when I told them about it or just how upset he was. You would have thought he had told me that had happened to him with how much his eyebrows wrinkled. Overcome with the need to minimize the experience, I opened my mouth to speak but was cut off with a kiss. 

As if a switch was flipped, he was suddenly all over me. His hands held my face to his while he got impossibly closer. Body pressed up against mine, I shuttered when his hands ran down my neck. His calluses were rough and tugged on my skin. A soft moan escaped my lips at the feeling and Namjoon pulled away.

“Tell me when you want something to stop,” He rasped.

I nodded, already going back in for more. I have no idea how long we were on that futon, it could have been minutes, hours, even days. I was drunk in his presence and feeling him on my body was like heaven. His hands traveled from my neck to my chest. He hesitated for a second before finally cupping my breasts. 

With another burst, Namjoon moved his hands to my waist and laid me down as best as he could on the tiny piece of furniture. I hoped we would move to his bed soon but was afraid of speaking. I wasn’t sure how my voice would sound and I was happy with the way things were going. 

Stradling one of my legs, Namjoon was over me again. His lips were searing against my skin and I could not stop the soft sounds that came from my mouth. With every kiss and lick on my body, my panties got wetter and wetter. His hands ran up my body and were back on my boobs and started to gently knead them. I squeezed my eyes shut and whined.

“You’re so pretty,” Namjoon whispered, nipping at my neck.

My breathing was heavy now and I raised my heads and buried them into his hair. Namjoon groaned into my throat before finally detaching himself from my neck. He smiled at me, all teeth and dimples, and I wasn’t able to stop myself from smiling back. He looked so young like this. His lips were swollen and red alongside his flushed cheeks. Sitting up, Namjoon looked towards his bed before coming back to me. I grinned and nodded.

In a flash, he was lifting me off of the sofa. I giggled, grabbing onto him and wrapping my legs around his waist. His hands held onto my thighs as he stood up with me in his arms. Walking across the room, we were both laughing. I realized my nerves were gone now.

Throwing me on the bed, I yelled in surprise but Namjoon was back over me before I even hit the mattress. With new found confidence, I ran my hand over his chest. He paused, lifted himself up slightly, and allowed my hand to explore. He was hard against my hand. I knew he liked to go biking and hiking, and even went to the gym three times a week, but I was still taken aback by how solid he felt underneath my hands. It was a crime it had taken me this long to reach out and touch him like this.

Without much thought, I unbuttoned the top button on his dress shirt. He sucked in a deep breath. Snapping my eyes up to meet his own, a thrill shot down my spine. He looked starved. Keeping my eyes on his, I unbuttoned the next one. I got five more undone before he grew tired of waiting. Ripping the shirt over his head, my mouth went dry.

He was gorgeous. Tanned skin and hard muscles flexed with his every movement. He did not have defined abs, something I had not expected, but his stomach was toned and chiseled. Soft curves and lines had me dazed and I reached out to touch them. His stomach tightened under my hands and I grinned. He was so pretty.

“Can I take your shirt off?” He asked, voice deeper than I had ever heard it before.

Not saying anything, I lifted my arms and waited. His fingers grazed my ribs as he took the turtleneck off. I shivered once the cool air hit my skin and wondered if he noticed how cold his apartment was. I hissed once my arms were free and laughed when the neck got stuck around my head. Helping him get it the rest of the way off, I instinctively covered my chest.

“Let me turn the heater on,” He mumbled, eyes glued to my exposed skin.

He acted like peeling himself from my body had physically pained him. Walking across the room, he went to a space heater I had not noticed earlier. It was tall and spun from side-to-side as it blew the warm air around the room. I sat up and smoothed my hair down. Namjoon looked at me and his eyes immediately dropped to my bra. 

In an act of boldness, I decided to peel my pants off myself. Watching the linen go down my legs, Namjoon unbuckled his belt and let it clang to the floor. I was almost disappointed knowing it would not be joining us tonight. 

I had never even been spanked in bed let alone dived into impact play. 

He crossed the room quickly and dragged me further up the bed. My head was on the mass of pillows he kept while he drank in my body. I knew my underwear was too plain and normal for something like tonight, and I apologized before I could stop myself. 

“Sorry for what?” He asked, his voice so soft and gentle. “God, you’re so hot.”

Heat pooled to my stomach and I almost groaned in embarrassment. There had to be a wet spot on my panties now and he would more than likely be able to see it. Reaching up, Namjoon laid his hand on my cheek.

“Still doing okay?”

I sighed, “Just feeling insecure.”

“Talk to me about it.”

Trailing little kisses on my chest, he waited. Somehow, I knew he was listening to me even if he was occupied with getting into my pants. I arched my back slightly and gave him more access to my skin. 

“I’m worried about my underwear,” I gasped. “And if you think I’m a virgin or something.”

He chuckled darkly. “Why would I think that?”

I placed my hands on his shoulders to ground myself. He was sucking on the spot just behind my ear and I had to bite my lip to stop the wanton sounds from coming out. I just noticed how violently my legs were shaking.

“Because I’m so nervous,” I managed.

“So am I,” He whispered in my ear. “And you look nice in white.”

He bit my ear lobe and pulled it down. I couldn’t stop the moan this time. I felt his dick twitch against my stomach. Trying to force myself to relax again, I ran my hands down his back. He was so soft and smelled heavenly. He placed a hand on my right bra strap.

“Want to keep going?”

I reminded myself once again about how vulnerable he was being with me tonight. He was being gentle for my benefit- not his. He was checking in because he wanted me to feel good, too. He had told me months ago the only things he fucked were the things he liked. I hoped he liked me more than all of the rest. Taking another deep breath, I nodded.

“Baby,” His voice was back to the seductive tone it had been before, making my pussy flutter. He had never called me that before. “You’re shaking.”

I whined openly now, his fingers hooking underneath the straps and pulling them down my shoulders. Reaching behind me, he unhooked the unflattered piece of white fabric and pulled it down my arms. Bare chested and cold, I trembled. I wanted him to touch me.

His hands were on my boobs and I bucked my hips when his thumb brushed over my nipple. He hissed, angled his hips against my own, before playing with the buds freely. I grinded against him, whining in pleasure. 

He rotated between pinching them and rolling them, but with each flick and burst of pain I moved against him. He was so hard on me and I wished he would take his pants off so I could feel him properly. 

Leaning down, he took a nipple into his mouth while playing with the other. I cursed, arching further into him and whined. My pussy gushed and my panties were sticking to my folds now. He removed one of his hands from my chest and switched sides. His right hand traveled down my stomach and into my underwear.

My legs tensed in anticipation. I was so turned on and I wanted him everywhere all at once. His fingers found my clit quickly and Namjoon groaned into my skin.

“You’re so wet,” He bit my boob. 

Sitting up, he watched his hand playing with my pussy through my underwear. I closed my eyes and got lost in the pleasure. I felt one of his fingers circling my entrance and sobbed. It slipped in with no resistance and I swore I heard Namjoon moan along with me. 

It was careful at first, prodding and exploring my walls until it found the spongy spot that made my toes curl. He whispered sweet nothings into the air around us, but I could barely hear him. He was far away now and all I could feel was the shocks of electricity that ran through my body.

My mouth hung open and I could hear the moans and groans escaping me. I was too gone to care about how desperate I sounded or the fact that our neighbors could hear. The irony almost brought me out of my paradise. No wonder those women screamed at the top of their lungs.

When he added another finger, I screamed. My face was wet but I had no idea if it was sweat or tears. I couldn’t think of anything anymore. My stomach twisted and tightened and I heard my shouts getting louder and louder. 

“That’s it baby,” Namjoon groaned, keeping up the pace. “I got you. Cum all over me.”

The dam inside of me broke then and a waterfall gushed all over his fingers. My panties were soiled and damp, my cum sticky and white. Chest heaving, I opened my eyes and looked at Namjoon.

He was already unbuttoning his pants with his free hand. I started to pull my panties down and he removed his hand. With his pants off, he made a move to put his fingers back against my sopping cunt, but I grabbed his wrist. I needed so much more.

“Please,” I cried. “Please. Want you, I want you so bad.”

His eyes dilated and I could almost see the way he held back the animal inside of him. He was trying to be soft. I hooked a leg around his waist and lifted my hips to meet him. He was big and so painfully hard I almost felt bad. I rubbed against him once, then twice, before he shoved me away.

“Daddy.”

I didn’t realize the word was out of my mouth until his eyes snapped. Whatever had been keeping him at bay, whatever he had been telling himself about me, was gone. Black eyes devoured me and I licked my lips in anticipation. 

“What?” His voice was cold and hard.

I was so embarrassed, but still did not care to stop this train. I wanted him so badly, needed to feel him all over me, and I was sure he would give me everything I could ever want and more with a single word. This time I was far more hesitant when I said it, the strange wave of desperation gone. 

“I want you,” I swallowed hard, looking him in the eye. “Daddy, please.”

“Tell me if I’m too much,” He said, his last shred of chivalry gone.

Pulling his boxers down, I sucked in a breath at the sight of him. He was swollen, his tip dark, foreskin pulled back by his hand, and fat with precum oozing from his slit. Thick and long, Namjoon’s cock was so perfect and pretty it was hard to believe it was real. 

“Hand me a condom,” He whispered, “They’re in the wooden box next to the lamp.”

Reaching over, the box was on top of the bookshelf. Taking one of the condoms, I ripped it open with my teeth and took it out myself. I barely thought about it when I reached out towards him. When I grabbed his dick, Namjoon threw his head back and cursed. It took less than a minute to slide it on and lay back down. 

“You’re a fucking slut, aren’t you?” His voice was light and airy.

The degradation caught me off guard, giving me pause, but his hands were already grabbing ahold of my legs roughly. Bending them back on my chest, Namjoon held them in place with his forearm while he reached down to line up with my entrance. I shuttered and tried to push up into him. His arm held me down and pushed into my skin even more.

“Look at you,” He mocked. “Grinding against my dick like the little whore you are.”

He pushed into me and my eyes rolled to the back of my head. He was so big and I felt the stretch instantly. The burning was mild and despite the crude way he spoke to me, he took his time and massaged my thighs. With his arm off my legs, I lifted my hips and took him in deeper. He growled.

“Fucking filthy,” He slapped my thigh, the sting making me moan, and suck in deeper. “You’re so fucking tight, princess.”

I moaned, hooking my legs around his waist and pushing him into me while I lifted my hips. I was so full and the slight curve he had brushed against my g-spot at this angle. My mind was swimming and words felt heavy on my tongue.

“Right there,” I slurred. “Fuck, right there.”

He pulled out and pushed back in. I cried out, my body shaking and trembling underneath him. He held my legs in place before fucking into me. I played with my nipples and grinded down into him to keep the pace. 

“God,” He groaned. “You feel so fucking good. Holy shit.”

Lifting one of my legs, Namjoon placed it on his shoulder and angled his hips. Now, he hit the spot anytime he moved inside of me. Screaming, I let my hand travel down to my clit and began to rub circles on the swollen bud. 

“That’s it, baby,” He cooed. “Cum around my cock. Fuck.”

Gritting my teeth, I wailed. Hot pressure built up in my stomach again and I knew it didn’t stand a chance. I removed my hand from my clit and the pressure went down. I wanted to wait for him. 

A hard slap against my thigh made me open my eyes. Namjoon was covered in sweat, his hair sticking to his forehead, and his mouth was agape. With a heated glare, he dropped my leg. I brought them both up to my chest and screamed. He felt so good, too good, and I felt the bubble building up again. 

Namjoon’s thumb found my clit and I thrashed. His other arm held my legs down against my chest. Pounding into me, I was crying now and thought I would die if I came again. Nothing had ever felt like this before. 

“I’m so close,” He rasped, staring at the way our bodies connected. 

“Fuck,” I whined, shaking.

I came again, long and hard, while my body convulsed and twitched. I was exhausted but I knew Namjoon hadn’t finished yet. Keeping my eyes open, I squeezed down on his cock and waited. The pleasure had made me dumb and words failed me. Nothing made sense anymore, and I wanted to sleep. Moaning despite the oversensitivity, I held on for dear life as Namjoon emptied into the condom.

My legs were sore and stiff, the blood rushing through them causing pins and needles to shoot down them. Namjoon rubbed them and slowly placed them on either side of his body. Slowly, he pulled out and I winced. I was going to feel this in the morning. Taking the condom off, he tied it and went to the kitchen to throw it away.

“Don’t move,” He said. “I’m going to get a towel to wipe you off.”

I was fighting to keep my eyes open so I just let him clean me up. I was far too tired to fight him about it and I thought it was pointless regardless. If he wanted to take care of me then I would let him.

He was back a few moments later and wiped my body off with care. He asked if I could get up so he could change the sheets, and I was able to force my body off the bed. There was a huge puddle where I had been, so I was grateful he was thinking of my hygiene when all I wanted to go was sleep. 

“Do you want me to go?” I asked, yawning.

“No,” He replied. “Do you want to leave?”

“No.”

He quickly changed the sheets and got a new blanket for us. I still didn’t get back into bed just yet. Awake enough to pick up my panties, I wrinkled my nose at the thought of putting them back on. I hated going commando. 

“Want to go get a new pair?” Namjoon asked, noticing my predicament.

I frowned, “It’s fine. I’ll be good with a shirt.”

He threw a plain white tee onto the bed.

“Thanks.”

I was expecting to feel more awkward than I did. The sex was good, great even, and the silence in the room wasn’t scary. I knew Namjoon was thinking and I was happy to let him. I needed a moment to get myself together.

Where did we go from here? I was already being called his girlfriend, we were obviously crazy about one another, and I knew I was getting deeply involved with him now. I could love him and that alone was enough for me to want things to work out. Knowing that I would love him one day was a comfort.

Crawling into bed, I was upset that my teeth were unbrushed, but sharing toothbrushes was far away. I would scrub them really well in the morning and be fine with that. I had never been more excited for a Saturday before. Namjoon was beside me after turning off the lights.

Darkness surrounded us as he came closer to my body. These were moments I rarely experienced. Cuddling and loving touches after sex were a rarity in the past and something I had always craved. Settling in his arms, I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes. His heartbeat was steady and loud against my ear.

“Are you going home for Christmas?” Namjoon suddenly asked.

I knew he had been thinking hard about something.

“I am,” I sighed. “Hopefully it’ll be a good year this time.”

“What makes you say that?”

Namjoon was somewhat aware of the strained relationship I had with my parents. We had talked about my weird Thanksgiving break and the even weirder holidays before that. He always said my parents would come around, but I knew he would never understand just how wishy-washy they were. His family was a constant support in his life.

“My dad’s getting weirder and weirder,” I answered. “It used to be my mom and I bumping heads constantly, but after I moved out we got better. Dad and I got worse. I don’t know what he wants from me.”

Rubbing random patterns on my back, Namjoon got quiet again. Taking that as my cue to become a bit more open, I decided to keep talking.

“He hates what I do. He was hoping I’d be in Chicago for my entire life, become a school teacher or something simple, and get married. Harvard was a dream, and he thought I’d get into law like him when the letter came in, but after I said geology everything just got weird. He never got along with my grandpa and thought he had brain washed me or something. I don’t even know anymore it’s all so convoluted.”

“But things were already weird before then.”

I nodded, “He didn’t like me speaking my mind or having an opinion that he didn’t agree with. We’re far too alike and argue constantly.”

“And your mom?”

I sighed. That was the worst part of everything. I loved them both so much, but neither one of them loved me enough to just be happy for me. They wanted this fantasy they had to play out in their head. Mom would choose dad any day of the week if it meant she stayed comfortable. Dad would pick mom because she never pushed him too far and let him get his way.

“She just wanted me to keep the family together.”

“Why are you going home then?” He asked. “Why even let them ruin your holiday?”

“He said-”

“Everything I’ve heard about the guy tells me that’s bullshit.”

I was shocked he interrupted me. He must have been thinking long and hard about this sort of conversation. I closed my mouth and listened to what he had to say. It had been a long time since someone agreed with my feelings.

“Even if he said he wouldn’t fight with you, even if he apologized, every time you go home he just treats you poorly. You’ve missed multiple holidays with your family because of his temper tantrums and were miserable in Chicago. Why go?”

I thought about his question. Why was I going? Because he said he was sorry? He apologized every year and still managed to make everything about him. How I wrong him. How I was the one destroying our family. How I left him alone. I had said I was going, I had the ticket and flight information, but did I really want to go home? I had more fun in my apartment alone then dealing with the scream matches over nothing.

“He cried,” I replied.

“To guilt trip you. He cried to make you feel bad about him disrespecting you and degrading you. He barely even apologized.”

Namjoon was right, but what else could I do? Call home and tell them I changed my mind? Get blamed for their failing marriage again? That did not sound nice either. I could say it was work but that would add credibility to their arguments. Mom would be so disappointed.

“Why are you asking me about Christmas?”

“I want you to come home with me.”

It brought a smile to my face even if I did feel a bit uncomfortable with him saying all of that to convince me to cancel my travel plans. Was it just to make me go with him? That was something my dad would do. I took a few deep breaths and thought about Namjoon and his character. No, he would not do that. He was just talking with me about my parents and wanted to see if I would rather spend my holidays with him.

“Would your family be okay with that?” I asked.

“Most definitely,” I could hear the smile in his voice. “My parents would really like you and my sister is going to be excited for another STEM girl in the house. We will have to sleep separately, though. My parents are old school.”

I laughed. From what he tells me, their home is very small and I would be asleep on the living room floor. Still, I felt much better about this trip than visiting home. It was sad that meeting my boyfriend’s family gave me less anxiety than going home.

“I’d like to come,” I yawned. “I’ll figure out my parents later.”

He kissed the top of my head.

“Night, 203.”

I grinned, “Night, 201.”

Four Months Later

Staring at the screen, I reread the email for the fourth time.

From: TanyaLopez@AMNH.hr.org To: Y/L/N.Y/N@hks.harvard.edu Date: March 23, 2023 Subject: Next Steps

Y/N,

Thank you so much for taking the time to interview with us for the Invertebrate Researcher position here at AMNH. I have some GREAT news to share! Our team enjoyed getting to know you and we’d like to move to the next stage of our hiring process. Could you provide me with two references of yours, preferably a former manager or colleague? If you could fill out the below information as soon as possible, that would be greatly appreciated!

Reference #1: Title: Phone Number: Email:

Reference #2: Title: Phone Number: Email:

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions moving forward and I would be happy to help. Looking forward to hearing from you to continue this exciting process!

- Tanya Lopez Talent Acquisition Specialist Human Resources American Museum of Natural History C: (212) 555-5555 Pronouns (she/her) -

I picked up my phone and called Wren. Namjoon was in class right now and telling him would have to wait. She picked up on the third ring, her excitement and joy already making me smile. I had text her when I saw the email notification.

“So?” She demanded. “What did she say?”

Wren had been the most nervous for me. This position was a huge deal and would be a game changer for my resume. Namjoon and Kendall were both convinced I had the job before I even applied, and Jungkook said he’d be there for me if it didn’t work out. He was trying to ease up on the drinking after Kendall gave him a bit of an intervention. I was happy he sounded more like himself the last time we spoke.

“You’re talking to their newest researcher.”

“Ah!” She screamed, yelling to Jimin about the new job. “I’m so excited! This is huge! New York, babes!”

I laughed, “I know right? God, Joon is going to flip.”

“How are you feeling about long distance?”

In typical Wren fashion, she had been the one person who leaned into my fears when I first talked about the job. Where Jungkook said we would make it as long as we made the effort, Wren was worried that we would break up as soon as I got the job. After many conversations with Namjoon, though, I felt much better about the whole thing. Like he said, Boston was only a 4 hour drive from New York and I would be staying out of New Rochelle which would ease the drive up a bit. Not by much but he could avoid the brunt of most of the NYC traffic.

“They’ll be fine, Jagi,” I heard Jimin in the background. “Stop worrying so much.”

“I’m the best friend,” She snapped back, defensive and hurt. “It’s my job to worry, Jimin.”

“Hey now,” I scolded. “Leave my best friend-in-law alone.”

“I’m going to miss you so much,” Wren whined, completely ignoring us both.

Now we are on to phase 2: denial. I shook my head and listened as she whined about how far away I would be. I reminded her it was a four hour car ride, but she reminded me that we had never lived more than twenty minutes away from each other since we’d met.

“But think about it Wren,” I soothed, going for the only thing I had left. “Day shopping in New York City, grabbing some pizza at a jazz club late at night, and all of those fancy furniture stores.”

I would apologize to Jimin later. Wren had a horrible habit of throwing out brand new furniture and buying all new shit once a year. Sometimes twice. I was lucky to get a few new pieces for my apartment years ago, but I could just imagine her going to every Pottery Barn in the city to find something to replace. She had been talking about how boring her dining table was. 

“Oh! We could give you some things for your new place and go shopping for ours.”

I winced. I would need to make that apology sooner rather than later. My phone buzzed and I saw an incoming call from Namjoon.

“Boyfriend’s calling. Go to go.”

“Laters.”

Hanging up with Wren, I answered Namjoon’s call.

“Hello Ms.Newly Employed.”

I rolled my eyes, “You don’t even know if I got the job.”

“Did you?” I had sent him the same text as Wren.

“Yes.”

“My mom’s going to be so happy for you.”

Christmas had been very nice. Of course, my parents were as angry as I expected them to be. That phone call made me realize no matter what I did they would be upset. I had even tried to explain to them that I was seeing someone, and it had fallen on deaf ears in the face of their wants. I felt bad for a few days until Namjoon reminded me that was what my dad wanted. I stopped thinking about it after that and hadn’t heard much since. No random gifts or late night phone calls. Complete radio silence.

Namjoon’s family really was every bit as warm and inviting as I imagined them to be. His mother was so happy to meet me and his father was happy to talk about my career. I slept on a cot in the living room for the first two days until his mother decided she liked me too much and allowed us in the same room. She had made a few jokes about grandkids, but I wasn’t sure just how joking they were. 

His sister showed up the following week and it was a dream. Her mind was so bright and expressive, and I adored the young girl not even an hour after meeting her. It was the first holiday in years that I was able to relax with a cup of cocoa and not worry when I would be kicked out. I promised them to come back for Spring Break.

“I’ll be sad I can’t see you everyday.”

He laughed, “I’ll be down there every weekend and you’ll visit when you can.”

I smiled, “I know but that doesn’t change anything. At least I know your schedule already.”

The Project Manager position was a bust, but he took it in stride. He thought about joining the research team at Harvard, but I saw him looking at an adjudicate position at NYU for next fall. I hoped we would last that long, and that he thought about the decision before jumping the gun. He always did but I knew what emotions could do to someone’s judgment. Either way, I would be happy for him.

“I’m going to write this woman back,” I said, already composing my reply. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“How about going to Harvest to celebrate.”

I laughed out loud.

“Babe, we can’t afford Harvest.”

“Now, now,” His voice went up an octave. “I am willing to take out a small loan to wine and dine you.”

“My hero,” I mocked. He snorted. “We can hit up Santouka’s if you want to eat in Harvard Square.”

“I’m always happy to get ramen.”

After finalizing our plans and hoping we could rope in a few friends to go out with, we hung up. I was happy with the way things were going and I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend. I was sad to be so far away but I had to have faith it would all work out. Even if it meant long drives and days lost, I knew Namjoon was worth every second of it.

From: Y/L/N.Y/N@harvard.edu To: TanyaLopez@AMNH.hr.org Date: March 23, 2023 Subject: RE: Next Steps

Good afternoon Ms.Lopez,

I am so happy to hear that! Working with AMNH is a dream come true and I am so honored to have the opportunity. Below I have given you both of the references you have asked for as well as two additional. I want to be sure you get the references you need and Dr.Lupon can be tricky to get in touch with by phone. Thank you again and I appreciate all of your help during this process.

Dr. Abigail Lupon, Ph.D. (617) 444-444 Abigail.Lupon@harvard.edu

Morgan Dawson Ph.D Candidate (206) 777-7777 Morgan.Dawson@harvard.edu

Dr. Christopher Jonas, Ph.D. (406) 222-2222 ChristopherHJonas@harvard.edu

Dr. Alistair Moody, Ph.D. (617) 333-3333 Alistair.Moody@harvard.edu

Let me know if you need anything else and I look forward to working with you in the near future.

- Y/N Y/L/N Ph.D. Candidate in Paleontology Harvard University | Department of Earth and Planetary Sciences Mobile: (773) 999-9999 | Email: Y/N.Y/L/N@harvard.edu Pronouns: She/Her/Hers -

It was impossible to believe I was leaving this place. These would be my last two months in my shit hole apartment, my last two months cleaning off bones in the lab, and my last two months living next door to my boyfriend. It was bittersweet but I knew I was making the right choice. Every decision I had made was leading to this moment.

I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my grandpa would be proud of me.

Two months later

This was it. Two names away from my own, I waited with bated breath for the Dean to call out my name for the third and final time. Beside me, Dr.Lupon smiled happily. She was more excited for my commencement than I was. 

“Almost,” She mouthed to me and took a few steps back.

I was sitting on an end seat and would need to exit on that side. I knew she was supposed to be further towards the front but had switched with Dr.Jonas earlier this evening for “moral support.” We had gone through this multiple times and yet she still insisted on chaperoning me everywhere. It was as endearing as it was embarrassing. Somewhere behind me a large group of my friends were waiting to scream as soon as I stood up.

Then, it happened. All twelve years I had been at Harvard were flooding through my mind as I stood. My first day, living in the dorms and loathing my roommate, and the first time I had ever stepped inside of the museum. I recalled the first time I met Dr.Lupon and the whirlwind she had become in my otherwise dull life. Late night dinner with Jungkook, the first time I saw Wren, and all of the beautiful moments that led up to seeing Jimin at a P.C. frat party. 

I remember when Kendall’s hair touched her chin and she was fresh faced. Before the ambulances and dead bodies, Kendall had been so excited to contribute to the world. Heartbreak after heartbreak and wasted tears on men who never deserved my time. Taehyung came to mind and I almost laughed. God, that guy was such a loser. 

I had found out a few weeks after we bumped into one another in the parking lot the reason he had been so weird. His friend, Seokjin, had come by to get some stuff for his dog and spilled the beans. Apparently, Taehyung had only asked me out because he thought I would be an easy fuck. Jin told him to leave me alone since I worked at the only pet store open so late, but the idiot really went for it. His pride was hurt when it didn't work, and he was convinced I was simply playing hard to get. He stopped stalking me after Namjoon cornered the two of them at the gym the next morning. It would seem that Taehyung's bark was much bigger than his bite. 

Taking my diploma from the Dean, I smiled blindingly at him and shook his head with as much force as I could. Today was perfect. Today was not the end of my story, but the beginning. Coming back to the present, I giggled as Namjoon’s loud cheers reached my ears. I swore I heard Jimin and Wren singing 'We Are The Champions,' but I would have to ask to make sure.

Harvard would forever be a part of my life, memories far too precious to forget, but I was ready to move on. Looking at the photographer across the way, I quickly posed with my diploma and went back to my seat. Stealing a look behind me, I found Namjoon and his family standing in a large group, our friends all waving and blowing kisses our way. A small ache settled in my heart that my own parents had not come, but I could not let it ruin this. I had spent 12 years at Harvard, all of them beautiful, but now it was time for me to move on. Today was only the beginning.

Taglist:  @swoozleee @jub-jub @callmenoona25 @coolchick23 @saweetspoiled​

[soraviie]

chasing after you.txt

━ type: bts x f! reader ━ navigation

━ about: dynamics in order: Joon - one-night stand + enemies to lovers, Yoongi - neighbours with a bit of a bad boy influence, Jin - sort of arranged marriage au, Hoseok - exes to lovers, Jimin - sugar daddy/fake dating au, Taehyung - tease x anger issues/clingy + tsundere/f2l, Jungkook - bodyguard x ward

━ pictures taken from Pinterest

━ previously posted on soraviii

NAMJOON: "Aw, fuck, who invited that guy?" you growled, whilst rolling your eyes at the corner where Namjoon had been so precariously sat like an asshole. You hated everything about him - the smug smile, the cocky tone of his voice, the winks he threw your way. Kim Namjoon was nothing but a sure way to get your blood pressure up and stay that way all through the night.

"Probably one of his fri- Shit! He's coming this way!" as your friend dipped over the bar and away into the crowd, courageous as ever, you snatched your drink partially pondering about throwing it into his face.

"You look lonely," he cooed with that shit-eating grin that you had wanted to smack away since the first meeting. And maybe to kiss but he didn't need to know that. "Why don't I keep you company?"

"Keep company with your left hand like you usually do," you yelled over the music.

"Well it does pair well with certain memories of you," he smirked and you groaned in disgust.

A misguided February 14th evening could lead to many foul things - unexpected pregnancy, STDs, Kim Namjoon having the delusional idea that you liked him.

Frankly, you'd rather endure a yeast infection than have this 6 feet fuckboy in the disguise of a pacifistic art lover keep chasing you every night out. More than once you wanted to slap your younger self only to come to their defence over and over again.

Namjoon was big. Big man. Big muscles. Big...well you get it.

And that may have made you a little bit stupid once! But not twice.

Yes.

"I can't stand you," you sneered at him with the most contempt you could possibly muster

"Sit on my lap then, baby."

You took a long swig to finish your drink, sliding it across the bartop and walking backwards, you levelled him down with a:

"You'd only cream your jeans, caveman."

"That's possible," he reckoned with a soft smile watching you mingle with the dancing crowd.

And for a while, it all went well, you'd find someone to at least waste some time with only for them to suddenly start sprinting away for their lives. You frowned after them, coming to a screeching halt in the fun.

Did your breath smell or something?

Taken with dancing, you hadn't noticed the broad-chested giant charging forth, smoke practically fuming from his nostril as his eyes glinted devilishly when tracking down the opponent. As the music changed, you found your waist circled by a shovel-sized palm.

"You really have no luck out here. You keep on being stuck with lil' old me," he whispered in your ear, causing long trails of goosebumps where his breath landed and you elbowed him, hard, in the gut.

He didn't even seem to mind.

"I don't know who you think you are Kim Namjoon but I will never-!"

"Oh, how you hate me," he lets out a burst of raspy laughter, head thrown back on the pillow, pulling you closer as much as he can despite you both being considerably sweaty.

"S-shut up," you grunt back, thighs aching but just a little bit more and you'll be in your happy place even if it was with this obnoxious gym rat. "You're just a cock on legs to me."

"Oh, for sure," he smirks and then prompts himself upwards to bite on your neck. "But you might think of screaming a tad quieter if you want to be really convincing."

It's a sick sense of deja-vu to wake up sore and aching all over in a sun-filled room overstuffed with cacti and a very soft blanket. The bed was empty and as you clamber to the toilet wearing a shirt found on the floor, struggling to walk, you stumble upon him in the kitchen - Cheshire grin spread all over his lips.

"Good morning," Namjoon greets. "You want some eggs, babe?"

YOONGI: His eyes track your movement as though it's dazed him and it's in moments like these you wish he was a criminal or something, a certified member of a mafia. A flag touch redder.

Stay away from Min Yoongi, they said, he's trouble but what to do when he doesn't stay away from you?

"So a kitten does come out to play," he purrs pressing one of those veiny palms against the elevator doors, halting it in its tracks and climbing in. You roll your eyes and straighten your back to appear more threatening. Yoongi, of course, couldn't give less of a shit.

"You're one to speak," you counter. "The most walking you do is through your apartment. It's like a herd of elephants."

"Well then don't listen in on what I do, you little pervert," he smirks, pressing the 8 on the elevator and it jerkily moves through the floors, reminding you once again to be grateful for life.

"Give it here," without waiting for a reply, he grabs the hold of your bags and goes straight to your apartment doors. Once inside he makes himself right at home, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt.

"What are we eating?" he questions gruffly, examining the produce with no small amount of judgment.

"You're speaking French now?" you push him away, relinquishing the rightful ownership of a pair of avocados you bought. "Whose "we"?"

He doesn't bother gracing it with a comment as anyhow a doorbell rings and you see his tongue poke against the cheek.

"Who the hell are you?" he questions sharply and you peer into the doorway.

"Oh, hello," you greet your coworker with a reserved smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Yeah, what are you doing here?" Yoongi echoes, placing his hand above your head and on the very edge of the door.

"Just interested if you're going to the uh... team bonding activities," he replies, fretfully glancing at Yoongi.

"Ignore him, I do," you smirk up at Yoongi. "And-"

"She has plans," Yoongi interrupts, pushing you back into the kitchen with his palm against your back.

"Oh, okay," your coworker stutters awkwardly, trying to lean in somehow. "See you around?"

"No," Yoongi cheerfully replies and smacks the door right into his face.

"You're such a dick," you groan.

"Did you have plans?" he asks with a teasing lilt, voice dropping nearly an octave lower. "And are you going to lie that it wasn't with me?"

"My jumbo-sized Charmander plushie and I are doing well on our own," you point at him with a packet of tomatoes. "Where you fit into the equation is a mystery."

"I'll tell you where I can fit," he laughed, wagging his eyebrows.

"No, no, goodbye," you wrinkle your nose in disgust, pushing his still laughing back out of the door. "Leave."

"Wait, what if I need some sugar?" he objects and you furrow your eyebrows, glaring up at him in suspicion.

"Do you?"

"No," he shrugs carelessly. "But what if."

"Begone, demon," you push against him harder but he seems to only enjoy it.

"Come to my game. It's right across the street in that park. I need a good luck charm."

"Will you be throwing a ball in your face? If no, then I'm not interested."

As you slam the door shut there still comes a raspy whine.

"Come on, short ass, come."

And if you do happen to drop by the nearest park with its shitty basketball court it's because you have nothing better to do and you needed some ice cream. Yoongi, uncharacteristically brazen for him, smirks at then winks in the middle of the game.

And promptly receives a ball to the face.

JIN: "Eat more garlic!"

"Straighten your hair with an iron!"

"Belch really, really loudly!"

You try to recall all of your friends' sage advice whilst pacifying your nerves. Being late nearly an hour didn't sit well with you but this guy was...determined. Insanely determined. So the ends justify the means.

When at last you arrive at the three Michelin star restaurant it's an hour later than what your family had set and you're wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. Your face may burn with shame at such a display but certainly, this would beat this broad-shouldered man off the path. This was beyond and above rude. You're already prepared to be yelled at, scorned and insulted but Seokjin merely blooms into an eager smile. Doesn't even blink twice at your choice of wear.

He dismisses the host with a polite nod and pulls a chair out.

"Hello, _________," he greets innocently. "Traffic is hell, right."

There was no traffic and he knew it only making excuses to achieve whatever nefarious goal he had set out to.

"Just give him a chance," your mother pleaded over the phone. "He's been asking about you forever. Please, he's rich and handsome, what's not to like."

What's not to like? Well, probably something. Kim Seokjin in your mind had always stood as that annoying guy who'd dropped a water bomb on your head when you were about to take the most glorious profile picture ever. Spinning in overlapping social circles, you'd seen too much of him growing up and had to endure several of your friends flailing over him especially when the pool season began. He was like a jar of honey to their fly status. And as such only a tar in your own pot of sweetness.

He was old. You had not exactly a criminal age difference but still more than 2 years. He was a creep, you firmly plant that idea into the recesses of your mind.

Why oh why, was he so insistent on asking about you?

"Good idea," he praises, pointing at your outfit. "It's best to be comfortable. I should have done that as well, this is quite uncomfortable," he waves a disappointed hand over the blue three-piece suit.

The waiter along with the menu serves you a freshly plucked side eye.

"Yeah, that's why I did it," dryly you mutter back, hiding behind the menu.

Think, think, think, what else turns off snooty men?

"Fucking shit," you cry out to your own amazement. "These prices are ridiculous. I'm not paying for this!"

"That's fine," Jin shrugs with that seemingly permanently etched expression of a tender smile. "I invited you here, I'll pay."

You groan.

"I'll fart," you threaten.

He shrugs and gracefully pours you a glass of wine.

"Everyone does that. It's a part of life."

You slobber your dinner up like a beast.

"Hmm, you're making the meal look more delicious," he nods.

And not even when you "accidentally" spill a mango sauce on his pants worth more than your apartment, does he weigh the thought of becoming angry in his mind.

"Ah, it's a perfect colour now," he merely congratulates with a jubilant cry and you let your head fall on the table with a thud, only it hits his palm as he had stretched it out at the last second.

"Are you insane?" you breathe out in sheer desperation. "Why are you not running over the hills?"

"Do you really think I can't see that you're doing this on purpose?" he smirks in amusement, over the rim of the wine glass. "We've known each other for a while, I know you better than that."

"Exactly!" you yell before falling into a hush as numerous daggers shoot your way. "You know me! As the annoying friend of your cousin! Why are you asking after me all of a sudden?! What joke are you playing?"

"Well, first of all," Jin corrects all too self-congratulatory. "I've never thought you were annoying. Maybe except when you were like 14 but who isn't the worst person in the world at that age? And secondly," his ears abruptly turn quite pink and he lets the wine glass rest on the table, nervously fiddling with its stem. "I asked for you because as you may know your mother is quite eagerly seeking various wedlock opportunities. For you specifically."

That makes you groan only louder.

"Don't remind me. So, so what? You want to get married to me?" you snort at the idea but then, for the first time ever, Jin is not laughing.

"Yes," he says dead serious.

"Wait, is this a prank?" you glance all around in an attempt to find the hidden cameras. "Are you pulling my leg?"

"I'm pulling no legs. What a weird thing to do," Jin muses and you narrow him down.

"Don't joke. It's not funny. Say "got you" or something. You can't be serious?!"

"Listen, ___________, I've liked you for a while now. I wanted to ask you before you began university but then you brought Jae home and..."

"Jae? Jin, that was...that was five years ago! You couldn't have liked me for five years?"

He averts his eyes and sips on his champagne. Even his neck is red.

"Five years?" you cry out. "And you kept quiet?!"

"Well, I told you now!" he objects with some indignation but even more of a burning shame. "All you need to do is to decide what you're going to do. 'Cause I'll accept you as you are, belching, sweatpant wearing and all. Even if you straighten your hair with an iron."

For a second you sit still and stupefied on this ridiculously over-padded chair ad then you feel yourself match the heat blooming on his face.

"You know Giulia?" you ask, downing the entire wine while desperately trying not to smile at the soft amusement in his eyes.

"Of course, I know Giulia," Jin chuckles self-consciously. "Who do you think gave me the genius advice of this stuffy suit?"

HOSEOK: You should have known from the start that this would lead to nothing good. What else could wait for you at the end of the nondescript hallways of conference rooms? One thing you didn't expect however was the loathsome face of your ex-boyfriend. Hoseok was sitting already by the table, beautiful as ever, leg nervously bouncing against the floor and treacherously a click of a lock snapping in its place echoes behind you.

He springs up from the seat, nervously glancing at where you tried to somehow break through the door. Or the wall, whichever came first.

"Oh, hell no," you growled, nails scraping against the doorknob. The betraying Brutus of a friend he had bribed to text you to come here will find an egg on their window for sure.

"_____________, please, let's just talk," he pleads. "Just let...let me explain."

"I don't want to hear any explanation," you hissed, turning to glare at him. From the way his eyebrows sloped, you could tell he was deadset serious but then it comes too clearly back into your mind.

That you were weird, not his type, that he doesn't understand you. But instead of simply crying about it you left. To cry about it in your own space. And also then turn incredibly bitter over it.

"I just meant that..."

"That I'm a freak? Yeah, I got it," you snarled before yanking harder on the knob. "Open the damn door!"

"No. If you're going to leave then please do the courtesy of letting me memorize your face."

You close your eyes, steeling your resolve. Don't give in, you reminded yourself, not after a whole year of hunkering through yet another heartbreak. Hoseok was just like the rest. Taking weirdness in all the things you liked, that you were. Why should you ever change for anyone else?

"It's been a year," you note sternly, having slid on the floor. He's also there, watching away from the small distance with a crease of a frown between his brows.

"Exactly. This year was one of the worst I've ever had," he confesses, supposedly earnestly. "I admit the things that I said were wrong but I did not mean it like that!"

"________________ is just a bit weird. You know the people I used to date, there's a bit of a difference, softly said," you quote him word for word. "And you said that to someone else! You opened your mouth, said that shit and thought it was okay!"

The sun behind the window had nearly slipped over the horizon and the office space was illuminated with a soft orange glow.

"You know the first time I met you, that was a lie," he mutters into the air. No one had come to open the door despite you nearly beating it off the hinges.

"Oh, that too was a lie, wonderful," you groaned, rolling your eyes but Hoseok remains sitting sadly by, occasionally passively twirling his shoe laces.

"I actually went past you on the street. Remember the crossroad by that small confectionery?"

You did remember. You lived right above it for a while, making your hair smell perpetually of candy for half a year.

"I...I got lost around there and walked past you, and you were sort of listening to your headphones, not looking around. I remember," he chuckled as though taken by an old memory. "You wore that knitted jumper that kept falling off your shoulder, the faded beige one and I just...I was so jealous of you, you were so carefree."

You glanced at him surprised. As far as you knew the first time Hoseok and you met was at a graduation gathering, a friend of a friend sort of a situation. And as you sat there, enjoying your barbecue by the side, wondering whether to dip your ketchup-stained hand in some weed brownies, he came up to you with the brightest smile, talking as though he knew you. Guess he did then know you.

"And the next day I went there again. I didn't even know why but I just did and you were there again. And I kept returning," he smiled at the ground but it quickly vanished. "Every day for a month before I met you at that gathering. Sometimes you were there, a lot of times - not but when you did it lit up my entire day. I didn't know how to approach you though, it's not a thing you do in the middle of the street, you know?"

"No," you affirm faintly.

"And when you left..." Hoseok winced at the mere mention of it. "I still kept going back," his breath was nothing more than a whisper stained with regret. The look in his eyes was downright depressing and you wondered if he had roamed around bearing the same heavy chip that you had. "And our favourite cafe. And your favourite park spot. I was there like...like a ghost lingering in your presence."

"But why did you say then that I was weird?" you sniffled, letting, for the joke of your own mental stability, some of that defence down. Attempting to look at Hoseok without the veil of contempt you've draped over him for a year. Dragging yourself back from hell was hard, dragging yourself from hell when thrust there by the one person you thought wouldn't do that - even harder. But by peeling off at least one cover, you saw many wonderful memories behind it, as slightly tainted as they were.

"I don't know," he groaned, hiding his face in the palm of his hands. "I was stupid. I meant in my heart that you were unlike anyone I've been with before. Not bad but different. And, yes, sometimes I don't understand you but I want to," he rouses to look into your eyes across the room. "I want to. And even if I never fully understand, I would like to make you feel heard and stand by your side nonetheless."

You stare into the sun to avoid crying. Stupid thought as no one ever stared into this glowing orb of light hanging in the sky in order to not get misty-eyed.

"What I said there was, I admit, crass. I was scared because I...with you I don't want to leave. I don't want to call quits when it becomes uncomfortable or becomes uneasy, I want us to grow together. And that scares me because, for the first time, I can really truly get hurt," he exhaled a heavy sigh, voice growing strained. "So when you left, no explanation, just gone in the wind..." he glimpsed over the horizon. "Anyway, I recognise me cornering you like this is wrong but...if you ran away because you felt unloved, I just wanted to show that I'd be chasing after."

Hoseok wiped at his eyes and briskly got up.

"But if you didn't and don't want me, I'll open the doors," from the pocket of his jeans, he fished out a glinting silver key. "I really just wanted to memorize you for as long as I could. I'm sorry."

He opens the doors and you called out -

"Hoseok!"

JIMIN: The phone kept ringing. You'd put it on mute but even so the bright light of the flashing screen stirred you awake and after a brief wrangle of putting the chip bowl actually on the table nearby, kicking your leg free from the grasp of the blanket, you simply watched it ring. After eventually growing into silence, it went to the 45 unanswered calls like the rest. You sighed turned to your side and slid the eye mask over the face, trying to somehow coerce yourself into immediate and indisputable slumber.

This was just the outward manifestation of his bruised ego, nothing more. You don't think anyone had ever rejected Park Jimin so this must be a new, unfamiliar feeling, one he'll get over in time and then maybe even laugh about it years down the line.

I mean, come on, you thought to yourself cutting the words like bloodied post-it notes in your own mind. There's no such thing as a rich handsome guy genuinely falling for someone so...

The disgusting words sprung too freely on the tip of your tongue so you settle for normal. To not at least give into self-hatred so easy. Such was the plot of romantic dramas and fantasies hence why it was fiction. Rich, beautiful people went for other rich beautiful people, normal folks went for normal folks. Dogs did not mix with chickens or pandas with capybaras. It was simply nonsense.

But as you close your eyes, the memories make it harder to be as clinically objective. All too well, you remember. His hands on your face, grasping as though he feared you would leave.

"Why don't you ever believe me?" he asked with heated desperation. "Nothing I say is ever good enough. Nothing is trustworthy!"

You tried to pry him gently away.

"Because how can I believe you? Look at yourself and look at me. This is not even opposites it's...unfathomables!"

You wished partially that he'd go to the good old Mr Park of the beginning, one who'd walked up to you in a cafe and asked if for a fair amount of money you'd be willing to answer his phone and pretend to be his girlfriend. And since the sum he called out was the rate of an onerous monthly rent, you'd plastered the sweetest voice you could in a matter of seconds with no questions asked.

When thinking of all the troubles when he approached you again, completely by accident, you had thought to yourself jail, assault, violence, even cannibalism for good measure, who knew what kind of sicko this stranger could be, but never you considered you'd be scared by the simple fact that he was in love with you. He had been cold, rude and brusque at the start and you had been fine with that, your "job" was to sometimes go to family dinners and lie which while not moral was not a crime.

Only then he invited to accompany him to his office, then to trips, then to movies and then one day you wake up in your bed and Mr Park, once a cold and resigned man, drenched in his own riches, is now making pancakes on your old stovetop and smiles the kindest smile you'd ever seen and asks if you slept well.

How could it not be a scary sight?

"I love you!" he shook you by the shoulders, not hard enough to hurt but as if trying to shake the bad thoughts out. "But you hate yourself! And you never listen!"

"They'll think I'm a gold-digger!" you cried. Just looking around his apartment made you sick. You couldn't even afford his carpet. How could he love someone with whom he shared so little with? He had never known the feeling of counting one's last money to afford bread or not buying something out of impulse. And you had never known the etiquette of polite brutality, of caring about who sits where because one word spoken at the wrong crowd table could destroy your entire livelihood. Love didn't change two profoundly different experiences.

"They don't think that!" he argued. "My parents wanted me to be with someone-"

"Poor?" you interrupted finally wrenching yourself free. Why was he so cruelly saying these things? He will just make you love him and then dump you with nary concern. Like others and then in time you will always think that you should have known better. Should have gotten rid of those rose-tinted glasses sooner not when they're smashed in shatters on the cold concrete.

"No!" Jimin immediately counters. "Of a different social circle! And even if they did, I don't care!"

"But the press-!"

"I don't care!"

"The rest of your relatives and friends-!"

"I don't care!" he yelled back, ripping at his hair, faint tears lingering in his eyes. "What will it take for you to believe me?! Please, why don't you believe me?"

"I can't!" you shrieked back in a sob. "Because better you not love me at all than fall out of it after some time! I don't want to be loved! I don't want to trust! I just want to be alone!"

Alone is what you were now but it felt no better.

"It will," you calmed yourself aloud. "Give it some time and your life will return to how it was."

Boring. Monotone. A single actor performing the most dreadful play to an audience of no spectators. You sniffled punching the pillow. Stupid Park Jimin waltzing into your life and making you think you were not the person you saw in your mind. That you were better. But how can you be when you're always "you"? A nameless face in the crowd, a cog in the machine.

No one, really.

As a sudden hand wraps around your waist, you scream and nearly punch the lights out of the affectionate attacker before in the faint streetlight streaming through the windows you recognized Jimin's eyes.

"How did you get in here?" you rustled in indignation.

"I had a key made. Remember? So I could greet you at home after work," he explained sternly.

"Well, you can't be here now-" you tried to argue, even push him out if needed, but he grasped at your legs and wrestled you to sit atop of him. You always fretted you were too heavy but he never objected.

"I'll leave if you order me to leave. Say those exact words: "Jimin, I want you to leave and never return back."

"I want to be alone," you muttered out of force of habit playing with the neck of his shirt.

"It's not the same," he cupped your cheek. "Until you tell me to piss off in my face, I'll keep chasing you every time you run. You think no one would? I will. Over and over again."

Your lip wobbled.

"It's ungrateful work," you breathed as he tugged you closer into a hug, gently swaying from left to right.

"Not to me."

TAEHYUNG: It takes thirty minutes for your aunt, a known stick in the mud, to go from screaming why was there a whole ass adult man traipsing in the apartment her niece should keep an eye on, to peacefully discussing the best nut selection over the kitchen table with eagerly listening Taehyung on the other side.

You were 35% convinced he knew how to do magic, and 65% convinced he was magic. And if he feasibly could he would live in your asshole. And the worst of all you can't get rid of him.

Well no, the worst of all you don't want to.

Coming from a rough environment, no matter how you slice or dice it, that leaves its own impression upon the mind. Yours being - people leave, people lie, people bad. It was easy to go through life, more than two decades of them in selective solitude, having friends but never letting them too close in and soon after they would stop even being friends. It was easy and predictable and while no one cared for you, you had to care for no one, could go where you wanted, how and when you wanted and fully enjoy doing what you liked.

And then this curly-headed now human reincarnated tiger-bear hybrid showed up. Literally dropping out of nowhere whilst still in university, pointing a finger of his frankly too large of a hand at you and then basically saying: "I want that one, that one's mine". Actually no, he did say exactly those words as you remember faintly chucking a dictionary of law at his head, thinking he'll abduct you or something.

And that's how six years later you were moved in. And he had invaded every part of your life, with his kind words, sopping eyes and chiselled chin.

As Taehyung slowly drifted to sleep, eyes falling heavier, his hand is intertwined with yours. And as you'll go to sleep yourself, despite him having his own bed, inexplicably you'll wake up with his breath against the back of your head.

Which was strange you know. You don't even remember agreeing to be friends with him. But steady as a clockwork, lo' and behold, at two in the morning, Taehyung's thigh squirms in between yours and he sighs in content.

Bizarre to say the least.

"Hey, where are you going?" he asks in wonder, poking his very shirtless body through the crack in the bathroom doors, toothbrush hanging from the corner of his mouth.

"Out?"

"Wait, lemme comme with."

"Can I go out on my own? As the big girl that I am?" you huffed dryly, brows furrowed.

"No," he replied with a smile. Then you walk side by side you glare at your hands, swaying together in the warm air.

"A crazy question, one I'm just putting out there, will you ever...leave?" you ask with a faint frown. There might just be this...supposition, guesswork if you will, in your mind that it might just be that somehow you're...Taehyung's partner now.

"Hmm," he makes an act of pondering it out. "No, no, I don't think I will. Unless you kick me out."

Kick him out. Why didn't you? When previous lovers threw fits about Taehyung always being near, you parted with them with nary of guilt because they were...not your rock. Your rock and safe space had become this strange, occasionally vampiric-looking, a cardigan-loving friend of yours. But he never vocalized it. Or so you thought. He was always teasing you about being hard of emotional hearing, now that you thought about it.

You halted in the middle of the sidewalk and he turns to glimpse at you, curious.

"Taehyung...are you...in love with me?"

Astonishingly, he bursts into a peal of laughter.

"I have been for years now," he chuckles light-heartedly. "Though thank you for finally noticing."

"Wh-why didn't you say something? Anything?"

An expression of deep fondness settles on his face and it warms you like the late summer sun.

"I say "I love you" every day, dumbass. I've chased after you for like six years now. Oh, god," he gasps, sounding suddenly absolutely horrified. "Six years of my life wasted chasing after your stupid head. Oh, I'm an idiot."

"So a moron for a moron, a match made in lower intelligence," you grumble and he snorts at it, crossing the distance once more. When he takes your hand it feels weird for a second. But only for one. You ask yourself what will change and realize - not much.

"That we are Mrs Kim," he coos with a broad grin. "Great! Now I can show you the plans for our shared tombstone I sketched back in the university!"

JUNGKOOK: "He's...will he be staring like that for the entire evening?" your friend asks timidly, voice nearly overshadowed even by the pleasant music of the brunch place. You glimpse over your shoulder to find him aimlessly lounging around. When meeting your gaze, his lips, almost involuntary, spread into a wide grin as his nose scrunches in a manner that is inappropriate for any self-respecting bodyguard. He at least gathers that and sobers with a stern cough.

"Yeah, he's just...my...finance manager," lamely, you trail off but at least they believe it. Considering the last three months it wasn't that believable.

"In a twist of miraculous fate, a poor vintage boutique worker becomes the sole inheritor of the Durhanan Estate," she quotes with a mysterious smile and you squirm awkwardly as you always did when it was bought up. Six years of lawsuits had rendered the luck into a frenzied fever dream one you thought would never come to fruition. Even when the final decision was laid to rest and the lawyers of your great-grandfather popped their champagnes with cheery eyes it all felt so distant. Like a different life. That feeling, you find out, never left.

"Yeah, it's...crazy," you chuckled self-consciously.

"So is the old house haunted?" she questions leaning over the table with keen interest, though every once in a while her gaze does stray worryingly to where Jungkook was standing.

"It's just creepy. It's big...and old," you confess perhaps colouring it with hues too bold, knowing only the answer such as this would satisfy her interest. It was old and entirely too big (who needed thirty-four rooms) but with Jungkook it was less lonely, less of a ghost house and more of a...

No, it's stupid, don't say it, you think to yourself.

"So now that you're rich," she throws a not-so-small of judgemental look over the crystal glass of mimosa. "Will you be forgetting all about us?"

"No," you assure her. "This means nothing. It's just a change of...housing."

But she only scoffs in reply. You think you might not have your best friend much longer.

"You look unhappy," Jungkook reckons quietly, whilst driving back to the Durhanan estate. A nearly 300-year chateau hidden within an unnamed forest deep in the countryside. Once the chief story of the local children's ghost tales and now - your home.

Of sorts.

"I'm just tired," you deny, peering into the rolling landscape of the wilting greenery. A rougher hand suddenly rests atop of yours, stopping them from ripping the skin around the fingernails. Your face swelters with heat and you gently remove his palm.

You were his boss and this was...this was not appropriate.

But Jungkook has other ideas and despite there being thirty-four rooms and whooping nine acres of gardens there's hardly any escape from him.

"My lady, oh, my lady," he calls across the gravel path leading down into the overgrown, ivy-ridden paths. He runs up to you and then gently tucks the bloom of one of the wild roses ravaging the grounds behind your ear. He tries to suppress the smirk on his face and narrows his eyes against the glaring sun.

"You're...you," he stutters. "You doing anything special, tonight?"

You don't quite know why but that question, posed so innocently and presumably out of a need to start a conversation, makes you laugh. It was only you two here, no wifi, piss-poor electricity and the nearest town, a village actually, was thirty-minute drive away and the only thing interesting there was a two-room corner shop.

"Wondering whether we're going to be killed by demons, yes," you laughed lightly.

"I was just wondering whether we could bust out the old reliable solitaire in the library?"

You sigh but it falls more endeared than annoyed.

"Jungkook, stop trying to seduce me."

At first, his face seems to be crestfallen only for a cheeky smirk to appear.

"Trying?" he echoed and slightly leaned into you. A gust of sharp wind broke through the gardens and in sync you glanced at the sky above your heads. A cluster of dark clouds was gathering in the south.

"Let's go in," he urges softly but his body standing behind you flames your back.

A thunder was ripping outside like something crazy, rattling the panes of the window so hard you fretted they would shatter at some point. And the house screamed. Every breeze of the wind seemed to tear into the old floorboards as though they were alive.

Ghosts are not real, ghosts are not real, ghosts are not-

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

You screamed your lungs out, lunging towards the golden candelabra perched on the bedside table.

"You're alright? Are you okay?" Jungkook's voice swims through the dark and you exhale in loud relief.

"Do not! Scare me like that!"

After a moment and a creak of the old floor comes a bashful.

"Sorry."

Another crack of lightning. In the brief flash, you see him standing, unsure but not leaving. It was a bodyguard's duty to protect and he always took his duty quite seriously. Even if this duty was simply to protect you from any unwanted journalists and stalkers where there was none leaving him practically with nothing to do.

"Should I stay here? Protect you...from the storm?"

You raise an eyebrow.

"The storm? That is-"

CRACK!

"Yes, please and thank you," you whimper and not even a second later, the side of your bed dips.

Crickets might as well be chirping at the moment.

"Do you want to hold my hand?" he offers, sweetly, oh so sweetly as if he wasn't a little demon wearing a cheap halo. But still, the house continues its wail. How many lives had been lost in these walls? What stories did they tell?

You didn't want to know and so you agree but as he takes your palm, your hand lands on a very firm set of muscles.

"Jungkook, please retake 9th-grade biology, your six-pack is not a hand."

"It emits the same level of comfort."

He trails your hand higher, over his pecks and lands right on his heart. It drums like a fevered bird underneath your fingertips.

"Why are you so nervous?" you hum and he rolls on his side and settles himself onto the pillow.

"Because I like you. And you like me. Even if you pretend that you don't."

"It's really not ap-"

"Appropriate?" he finishes and then tugs his hands over your waist pulling you closer. "Perhaps not but you know what happens in the spooky old mansion, stays in the spooky old mansion."

His warm palm cups your cheek, stroking it with a dizzied smile.

"And if it doesn't, I'm a really good runner, so you can scurry all you like," a pause. His hand presses you even closer.

© soraviii/soraviie 2022-2023

[chimchimmarie]

OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE (Part Two)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre: College Au, Friends to Lovers

Word Count: 1,500ish

Summary: Jimin finally realizes he wants out of the friendzone, but will you feel the same way when he finally makes his feelings known?

AN: I finally found the time to write pt. 2. I hope you like it. I listened to “Fire Away” by John Michael Howell while writing this.

Read Part One.

The mood in this movie night has quickly shifted from playful banter between friends into one in which you feel judged for sharing that you had finally met someone. You feel yourself crawling into yourself more and more. For a moment, it feels like your friends were ganging up on you, deeming you as some unattractive, poor excuse for a woman who is unworthy of attention and love.

They didn’t actually say that, of course. But your mind has gone into the rabbit hole of overthinking that fast. At this point, you believe it’s becoming more of a second nature to you. You just can’t help it, and you hate yourself for it.

The whole conversation had really made you so self-conscious. You genuinely believe that Taehyung doesn’t mean to hurt you in any way. He’s not a bad person. He’s your best friend. But sometimes words could cut even if you don’t intend them to.

You just don’t get why he just had to make it sound like you’re making the biggest mistake of your life, that you’re being crazy for wanting to finally date.

What’s wrong with dating anyway? Don’t you have a right to meet guys and go out on actual dates?

Are you really that awful as a person to the point that even your friends would forbid you to go out with a guy you think is great?

You feel so betrayed. What kind of friends would gaslight you into thinking you aren’t good enough to date?

And if they tell you one more time that this is them being protective of you, then they’re being complete jerks. This is absurd, you think. You’re a consenting adult, capable of making choices for yourself. And you don’t need to be babied like a middle schooler.

By the time Jimin showed up, Taehyung started acting more frantic than he was prior. He’s still going on and on on why you can’t be thinking about going out with Namjoon. The other guys chimed in, too. Going so far as judging him because he’s a varsity player. But you genuinely think that Namjoon looks decent and nice for someone who plays sports.

He’s nothing like most jocks you’ve come across with in campus. Most of which have either been a fuckboy or a totally egotistic maniac. Namjoon was a great guy. And all these misconstrued notions they have of him is getting in your nerves.

Jimin has been quiet ever since. He hasn’t said a single word to you. He didn’t back you up like he usually does. He’s being too quiet, actually. You’ve been trying to catch his eyes but he hasn’t looked at you since he entered the room. He also suddenly picked a seat on the floor, instead of his usual spot next to you. It’s almost as if he’s suddenly ignoring you.

Feeling so frustrated, you fire back at Taehyung, raising your voice and startling everyone in the room.

“And why should I listen to you!? You’re not my dad, none of you are! You can’t tell me what I can or cannot do! ”

“Oh come on, that’s not even what I’m trying to do, y/n. I’m just worried about—“

“Worried about what?? Can’t you just be happy for me for once?! Damn it Tae!”

“Hey, hey, guys… Stop it. We came here to watch a movie and hang out. Come on.” Jin tries to pacify the tension while blocking your view of Taehyung.

“Right. I’m sorry Y/N. I didn’t mean to—“

You didn’t even let Tae finish, you stood up and made a beeline for the door.

Before you could hit the elevator button, a firm warm hand grips on your wrist.

“Y/n. Please… Don’t leave.”

You recognize Jimin’s voice. You feel the warmth of his body close to you. His scent overpowering you for a moment.

You scoff as you try to pry your hands away.

“So, now you speak. Where were you when Tae was in my face the whole time in there?”

You turn around with much force, yanking your arm away from his hold.

“He doesn’t mean it. He’s just—”

“—being Tae. Right. And I’m supposed to just let it slide, like every time?” You cut him off. Frustration and disappointment laced heavily in your tone.

“You know what, I’m sick and tired of taking all this shit from you guys. Whenever I talk to you about my dating life, you get like this. EVERY. DAMN. TIME! Am I not allowed to do that? Is there some kind of rule that I cannot go out there and meet people? I know you guys care about me, but for crying out loud, stop treating me like the helpless little sister you never had!”

The silence that followed your outburst was excruciating. Jimin was wide eyed as he watches you lash out on him, mouth agape and jaw stuttering before he could manage to respond.

“That’s not how I ever saw you.” His voice was soft it’s almost a whisper.

“What?” You ask.

“I never saw you as just a little sister y/n.” Jimin pauses to look at you.

You don’t understand where he’s trying to go with this but you keep mum and decide to let him talk.

“You were more than just that to me. You have no idea.” He scoffs. He keeps his eyes on you as continues to speak his mind.

“And can you please stop thinking that we’re ganging up on you. That we don’t care. That we’re out here to hurt you—God! That’s the last thing we’d ever want for you! And Tae—he’s just trying to… get me to do something about it.”

“About what?” You press him to go on.

Jimin seems hesitant to speak again but he decides it was now or never.

“Y/n, listen to me. Don’t go out with Namjoon. I—“

“Jimin, not you too! For fuck’s sake just—“

“I like you, okay!! There! I said it! I like you!” He cuts you off, hands thrown in the air.

You stop moving and breathing altogether. His sudden confession rendered you unable to speak. You didn’t really know how to respond to that. You feel like you’ve been blindsided by your best friend. You just stood there with eyes bulging, seemingly shocked at what he had just blurted out. Before you could figure out what to say, he’s talking again.

“Look, this isn't how I wanted to do this. Part of the reason Tae acted so rashly is because he knows I was supposed to tell you tonight after the movie but.. you just—I mean, you’ve started seeing people and you’re not supposed to—I mean, I can’t dictate what you can or cannot do.. but.. I haven’t… I just… I had to— God, why is this so hard!? I feel like an idiot!”

Jimin pauses to catch his breath. He rakes his fingers through his hair as frustration starts to crawl up to him.

Taking a step closer to where you’ve been frozen in place, Jimin takes your trembling hands in his. In another breath, he bares his soul to you.

“I’m in love with you y/n. I have for quite some time now. I just— I haven’t been brave enough to admit it. Even to myself. But I want to change that now. And this is me finally doing what I should have done the first time I realized it.”

Jimin watches you for any reactions. But you’re beyond speechless with how things turned out. You’re suddenly hyperaware of his existence in front you.

He’s held you like this before, so many times actually that you’ve lost count already. But the touch of his skin and the way he tightens his grip suddenly feels foreign to you. It almost feels wrong. Like he’s not supposed to hold you like this. He’s your best friend. He’s not supposed to touch you and tell you these absurd things while looking at you like… like he… like he’s actually in love with you.

“Please say something?” He demands with his voice that suddenly sounds so sweet yet yearning.

You look into his eyes as your mind goes haywire in full panic mode and all you can think of doing at the moment is the one thing you genuinely believe you’re good at—running.

And so that’s what you do. You run.

You run from this situation. From your best friend. From the feelings that suddenly feels so suffocating.

Your voice finds you as you tremble and break the contact to hastily step back into the elevator.

“I… I can’t— I can’t do this.. Jimin, I—I’m sorry.”

As you wait for the doors to close., the last image you see is Jimin’s hopeful eyes morph into pain. Like someone just ripped his heart out of his chest.

Part Three tbc.