#T_T does anyone see it hello it’s so dark in here

[yappacadaver]

Maybe I don’t want to have my cake and eat it too… maybe I want a sacrifice to actually mean something in this game

[imjeralee]

Comfort in Despair: Chapter 30 - Epilogue

Leon x F!Reader

Disclaimer: Do not own Pokemon

Summary:

Galar is rich in folklore and tales of the supernatural.

As a Pokemon Researcher who specialises in ghost types, this is a great opportunity for you to investigate and learn more about the paranormal.

Along the way, you meet Leon (in the most awkward way possible) who becomes embroiled in your adventures.

^ Basically this story is about ghosts :/

Notes: This is the last chapter... it’s over uwagh T_T

Rating: General/Teen

@marydragneell​ - here is the latest update

Epilogue

…

…

[“There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream – a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought – a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!"

- The Mysterious Stranger, Mark Twain]

...

...

The doorbell rings and Jace opens the door to see his best friend standing on his doorstep.

“Chuck!” he exclaims happily. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought I’d come visit."

They share a hug and he invites her in for tea. He’s in the middle of packing so there are plenty of suitcases and clothes lying about though his pokemon seem more interested in playing around with the mess than assisting.

And the weather’s good so he opens the door to his veranda and props two chairs outside where they can enjoy their tea and some fresh air. It grants them an exquisite view of the river and the promenade and together, they sit and chat about old times and Jace’s new job.

“Jace,” she says, before she departs. “Thank you for everything. You were always there to listen and support me. Thank you for being my best friend.”

He pats her on the head, ruffling her hair. “Awwww…thanks, chuck; you’re my best friend too. You’re the bestest friend one could ask for,” he replies and they hug again, but her body feels abnormally cold.

...

Professor Magnolia and Sonia return home.

They’re tired and exhausted, having spent the remainder of the night at the police station where they informed the officers about the attack and filed a missing person’s report. To their utmost surprise, said missing person has mysteriously turned up home the following morning.

She’s sitting in the conservatory with a cup of tea in hand and little Polteageist is floating beside her though he looks downtrodden and holds his teapot lid in his hands, his head bowed low, and the professor and Sonia stand in shock, staring as she lowers her cup and smiles at them.

“Where on earth have you been?!” they cry.

They’re ecstatic to see her though Magnolia tells her off at the same time and the women share an embrace, sit down and have some breakfast.

“I went to find something,” she replies. “Everything’s under control. Did you tell Leon what happened?”

Sonia nods, anxious. “I had to, I was so worried. I called him last night and told him everything. He spent the whole night looking for you.”

In response, she finishes the rest of her tea and immediately rises from her seat. “Thanks, Sonia. I’ll go see him now. Professor, please excuse me.” Without a second to spare, she heads for the front door.

“You just got home!” Sonia exclaims, confused by her behaviour.

She pauses, turns round to the seated women and smiles.

“Professor Magnolia, Sonia. Thank you for everything,” she says, “I won’t forget your hospitality.”

…

In Postwick, Leon paces the kitchen with his phone. Charizard lingers in the doorway, holding his claws together whilst mum and Hop throw each other concerned glances.

He’s been looking for her all night after he received the frantic, distressing call from Sonia, who had informed him that something had attacked and chased her out of the house in the middle of the night, and it had also killed two of their pokemon.

They had cleaned the blood off the walls, stairs and floor and were hoping that she would come back in an hour or so, but she hadn’t.

He wished Sonia had told him earlier because he thought there was something wrong when he had tried to call earlier only to go through to voicemail.

Leon had searched all the places where he thought she might be but he had no success. If it wasn’t for Charizard, he probably wouldn’t have made it back home before dawn.

His phone rings, the screen indicating a call from Oleana.

“Hello?” he says, pressing the phone to his ear.

“We’re outside.”

“Alright. Thank you, Ms Oleana…”

Leon quietly hangs up and looks at his family.

“Leo…” Mum says worriedly, “…I think it’s best to leave the search to the police now. You’ve done all you can...I’m sure she’ll turn up. Hop and I can go look for her and we’ll keep an eye out on the news…. Please, you should get ready…Chairman Rose and Ms Oleana are waiting for you.”

He has a strict timetable today, back-to-back with events and battles which allowed no flexibility.

Leon has no other choice but to nod and he leaves the kitchen, heading to his room with Charizard bumbling after him with dark circles under his eyes. His pokemon is tired; they had spent the night flying around, searching but to no avail. He lifts a hand and pats Charizard on the neck.

“Thanks for your help,” he murmurs appreciatively and Charizard lets out an exhausted snort in response.

They barely got any sleep.

After Leon gets changed out of his casual wear and into his Champion gear, Charizard meets him outside where a black car is waiting.

The door automatically opens and inside, Oleana sits rigidly in the passenger seat with her long legs crossed over the other. She taps at her phone delicately, eyes glued to the screen. A tailored suit in a plastic cover is strewn carefully over her lap with a dry cleaner’s label on the hanger.

Leon slips inside and the door automatically closes behind him; the driver begins to reverse out of their driveway and mum and Hop stand at the front door, waving him off.

“We have a busy schedule ahead of us,” Oleana murmurs, without looking away from the flashing screen of her phone, “Chairman Rose has already arrived at the hotel for the fanmeet.”

“Right, the fanmeet,” Leon echoes, staring outside the window as the scenery of sleepy Postwick slowly disappears behind them; the driver steers the car towards the direction of the motorway.

Once they’ve arrived at the hotel, the chauffeur steers the car to one of the backdoors; despite the attempt to be discreet, some eager and diehard fans are waiting for Leon and once he gets out of the car, he hears wild cheering and a large crowd of women and men of all ages stand behind barriers, holding signs and waving them in the air; the majority of his fans are ordinary folk, though some of them are donned in copies of his snapback and wearing other merchandise he himself isn’t actually particularly familiar with.

Everyone’s chanting his name feverishly and he doesn’t want to disappoint despite his own personal circumstances; Leon raises his arm and waves to his adoring crowd with a wide grin on his face before he does his infamous pose. The group goes wild in response and once the theatrics are over, the security team are quick to escort him inside.

They lead him to his dressing room where the makeup artist and hair stylist are waiting for him.

He is made to sit down in front of the lit-up vanity mirror where he sees just how tired he actually is, but they hide it with makeup and he lets them work on him but the anxiety and unease bubbles within.

Where is she? Where could she be? Is she back yet?

Once they’ve finished prepping his face and combing his hair, he is finally allowed to sit up and leave his chair and the first thing he does is ask the artists for a moment alone.

They’re friendly and accommodating enough, so they oblige and exit, leaving him alone in the dressing room to be with his thoughts.

The show must go on but he is so sick with worry about her whereabouts that he runs to the door – was this really happening? Was he really going to tell Rose he cannot go through with it today? Was he really going to drop everything and leave?

However, none of those are necessary because he opens the door and there you are, standing with a smile on your face.

“Hi Leon.”

He’s utterly shocked to the core, eyes wide, and he looks at you head to toe before he glances around the corridor; how on earth did you get in? This is a VIP section and certainly for backstage crew, for staff members only. How did you manage to slink past?

None of those matter; Leon pulls you inside the room, closes the door before anyone can see and immediately throws his arms around you, pulling you into his chest.

“Where’ve you been?” he manages to choke out, with his eyes squeezed shut and nose buried into your hair. He holds you so tightly, arms crushing your body to his as though fearing you would disappear if he let go. “Sonia told me what happened, and I went out to look for you.”

You let out a gentle sigh, wrapping your arms around him in return and resting your cheek against his shoulder.

“I know, she told me. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make everyone worry,” you whisper, closing your eyes as you relish the feel of being in his arms again and his warm chest pressed deeply against yours.

“I’m just glad you’re here and that you’re safe,” he replies, his voice muffled as he nuzzles your nape.

As he sighs, tightening his arms around your waist, you pull away slightly to place a hand over his cheek, making him look at you. Your eyes meet and as his eyes searches yours, you smile gently, brushing some hair from his face, running your fingertips over his stubble.

Leon leans in, your foreheads pressing together, noses rubbing affectionately and your lips curls into a fond smile.

“Leon?”

“Yes?”

“Everything’s going to be okay,” you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper, “I’m not afraid anymore.”

There’s a brief silence and Leon slowly releases you. Holding you at arm’s length, he gazes at you intently, his honeyed eyes sweeping over your form before he presses his palm gently over the curve of your cheek.

“What happened?” he says quietly.

Your gaze softening, you lean into his hand and shake your head before you gently take his hand into your own then reach for his other. You hold his large hands tightly with your own and you both avert your glances to your entwined hands.

You smile once more before you look up, your gazes meeting.  

“I love you,” you murmur.

Lifting his hands to your lips, you press a kiss over his knuckles and close your eyes. “I love you so much, Leon.”

“I love you too," he stutters out, taken aback by your gesture. His cheeks flush brilliantly and you can hear his heart pounding loudly against his ribs.

He watches as you slowly reopens your eyes and let go albeit you do not mask your reluctance to do so, letting go of him with a shaky breath from the back of your throat. There’s a profound despair settling in your eyes as you look up at him.

“I need to go now,” you say quietly. “Goodbye.”

Something’s wrong, and Leon is overcome with the most dreadful sensation. A desire to hold you back, to stop you, overwhelms him and when you turn, he attempts to reach for you once more but you’re already leaving and Leon follows you outside his dressing room.

“Wait!” he yells, calling after you, “Come back! Where are you going?”

He’s quickly interjected by his makeup artist who has returned with some coffee in hands. “Leon? What are you doing outside? Please go back in, the fans cannot see you like this and the event’s about to start.”

The makeup artist cheerfully steers a conflicted Leon towards the direction of the room with a hand on his elbow, but he’s reluctant to go inside.

“Let’s get you all made up,” she says cheerfully but much to her vexation, Leon shakes his head, pulling himself away.

“I’m sorry!” he yells; although he’s wracked with confusion and guilt, Leon just knows the right thing to do at this moment is to follow you.

“Leon, come back!” she shouts as Leon races towards the direction you had disappeared off to. “Leon!”

...

Sonia tells Leon you haven’t come back so he crosses the house off his list. With Charizard, he goes through some of the places that might be meaningful to you; it could be the cemetery, or the hill where you had watched the sunrise together, it could be the mansion where you completed your first mission together, or it could be the area near the lake where you had camped together and ultimately had your first kiss.

Meanwhile, you stand in the middle of the cemetery, gazing at the large space around you that you can utilize.

Unsheathing your penknife, you grasp it firmly in your palm before you turn to Lucario and your pokemon.

“Do not let anyone enter,” you utter, and your pokemon nod in acknowledgement.

You watch them disperse then glance at the knife in your hand.

“Let us begin,” Deimos says, and you nod. “Do exactly as I say.”

You slide the blade over your hand as instructed, the blade tearing your skin apart so seamlessly and effortlessly…but you do not feel any pain; as fresh blood begins to bubble out from your sliced flesh, you put the blade down and dab a finger into the wound.

Lowering yourself over the ground, you begin to swipe your fingers over the concrete, drawing various symbols and runes.

Leon arrives at the cemetery, having guessed this would be where you are, and as he hops off Charizard’s back, he thanks his pokemon and races towards the locked gates where he sees you within, crouching over the ground near the mausoleum; you’re engrossed with some task that concerns writing in the dirt…and he sees that your hands are drenched with blood.

Leon yells your name but you do not respond, and as he tries to open the huge gates, they don’t budge as predicted. He could always scale the fence or fly over the barrier using Charizard but before he can even take one simple step, Gengar appears from out of nowhere, accompanied with a shiny Lucario holding a wooden staff.

He studies the pokemon carefully, in particular, the shiny Lucario. It’s as you mentioned - the Lucario is real. Gengar, with his never-ending grin, slowly shakes his head before gathering a massive swirl of energy in his hands.

It’s a Shadow Ball, and Gengar quickly sends it hurtling towards Leon’s direction whilst the Lucario spins his staff in a circle and aims the tip at Charizard, a bright light shooting out.

Charizard counters the attack by spewing forth a burst of flames and immediately zooms towards Leon to protect his friend, Gengar’s attack hitting him squarely in the belly.

“Charizard!” Leon yells, before he flings his glance to the pokemon. “What are you doing?”

“You cannot intervene,” Lucario replies, his voice loud and as clear as day.

Charizard snorts in disbelief at the talking pokemon and turns to gawp at your direction; you’re oblivious to the gathering outside, drawing on the ground without stopping.

To get the message across, Gengar flings a Dark Pulse at the flame pokemon and Leon grits his teeth as Charizard dodges.

“I need to go to her,” he yells, but Lucario shakes his head and twirls his staff in his paws, moving to an offensive stance. “Charizard, use flamethrower!”

Outside, you can hear the disturbance as the three-way pokemon battle begins between Gengar, Lucario and Charizard; you’re finished with your runes regardless and you rise to stand, swaying slightly from the blood loss, your body feeling weak.

Surrounded by bloody symbols, you move to the centre of the pentagram you’ve drawn, kneeling down.

“Ready?”

You nod, closing your eyes before you take a deep breath, attempting to drown out the distracting noises of the battle outside.

“Voco autem a tenebrarum gente omnia mala de fovea,” you murmur, holding your arms out, your palms facing upwards; the blood in your hands trickling down your fingertips and nails, droplets staining the ground. “Phobos, viditur.”

Your incantation is finished, you return to the edge of the circle and the sky above swiftly turns from its usual light blue hue to a deep, intense red.

Leon and the pokemon stop at once, throwing their gazes up. Lucario, with no more intention to battle due to the ritual being successfully completed, lowers his staff and Leon rushes up to the gates of the cemetery, grasping the cold bars as a strong wind begins to pick up, sending leaves and debris on the floor whirling high into the air.

He yells your name again whilst Charizard takes to the air and attempts to fly inside – he’s immediately repelled by an invisible force and his body slams backwards. Roaring in confusion, Charizard huffs as he gets back up before he unleashes a massive barrage of flames at the invisible barrier.

Leon watches as the symbols surrounding you begin glowing brightly before the ground splinters; you do not move or step backwards and Leon calls out to you, his pleas falling onto deaf ears.

His eyes widen as soon as numerous black tendrils begin to crawl out from the gaps of the cracked earth, some of them slinking over your feet and stretching towards your calves…the ground bursts apart and the huge creature buried within rises high and into the air with a loud roar, towering over your small form.

Your gaze lands on the creature that manifests, its dark limbs spiralling and contorting in the air before they settle to float around its body aimlessly. It is a creature of unholy origin, something that doesn’t belong here.

“Phobos,” you murmur.

It shifts and coils, the black mass curling into itself and out before a single red light forms in the middle of its body.

“Who has summoned me?”

Its words slither out in a series of scratches and hisses and once it spots you, it lowers itself to your level, peering at you with its glowing red eyes.

“You,” it says. “You have finally figured it out.”

A black tendril shoots out, wrapping itself around your neck tightly and lifting you off the ground as though you weighed nothing; your legs dangle as you’re raised up a few feet off the ground. You struggle, legs kicking as it snickers and sneers.

“You fool; I was going to devour you later, but since you seem so keen….”

Phobos’ voice grows fainter and fainter, its words slowing down as the darkness it is made out of begins to spread, blanketing your vision.

As you stare into the abyss, you attempt to detect any traces of movement that might explain its existence or the matter it’s composed of. Even at this moment, to the very end, you’re still trying to understand, to figure out how things work.

How it works.

But nothing remotely comes to mind.

You can liken it to a black hole but ultimately, you cannot fathom the origins or how it came to exist.

And now you’re going to be devoured.

Deimos’ voice returns: “What’s the happiest memory you can recall?”

“I don’t know.”

“Choose one.”

A series of events are presented to you, almost like a reel. How quaint. A flash of light flickers and there’s a scene depicting you, Sonia and Magnolia and the pokemon having tea in the conservatory. You smile; of course, you had so many lovely, tender memories with Sonia and the professor who treated you like one of their own.

However, it’s quick to change from the conservatory to show you and Jace sitting on the sofa in his apartment, watching and laughing as you watch TV. You had always cherished the time you had spent together no matter how simple it was.

It’s Ezra now. He’s barking orders, using his cane to correct your posture as he circles you. This was a few years ago when you had started training. You’re standing in front of a target – an awkward-looking boulder with a bullseye messily drawn on – and with a talisman in hand, you’re trying to toss it properly and in the best way possible.

“Again,” he barks when you fail, and you remember thinking how harsh and strict he was back then.

Graves is next, and the image of you training with Ezra switches to a scene consisting of you and Graves quietly seated down, watching the game at home on leather recliners. You never realized that although it was a bad time, mere days after your family’s disappearance, but you really appreciated him taking the time to keep you company.

Then the scene changes to the time he taught you several ways on how to hold your torch and another time when you played with Growlithe and Manectric... and finally, you see yourself and Graves eating at Bob’s Your Uncle.

Next, you see Leon. You're camping with him in the Wild Area, sitting close together in those small foldable chairs and looking at the night sky. It’s when you had your first kiss. He’s looking at you and holding your hand so tightly and lovingly, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles, and you smile for you remember this, how truly wonderful it all was.

“You have lived a meaningful life,” Deimos says.

“Thank you,” you reply.

”This is it,” it says.

”I know.”

A single tear drips down your cheek because you know what will happen next.

It averts you to look at Phobos, but you are no longer afraid.

Deimos abruptly bursts out of you in a spray of black and promptly pounces on the creature that was holding you, overwhelming it and tearing it apart, ripping it into shreds; you’re released due to the unprovoked attack and you collapse over the ground, unmoving.

Copious amounts of blood gush out from every orifice – your eyes, mouth, nose and ears.

Leon slams his fists against the invisible barrier over and over again.

Loud, unearthly shrieks can be heard as the two creatures maul and fight each other viciously, slashing at one another and ripping each other apart with brutal abandon until one emerges the victor; the one that had emerged from your body.

It stands proudly over its opponent which lies motionless and is beginning to fade away. Victorious, it faces the sky and emits an ear-splitting screech.

Leon winces from the sound, and his fist finally slips through.

The barrier is gone.

The red sky gradually clears, returning to the normal, tranquil blue.

He rushes inside, acting purely on adrenaline, his mind in utter chaotic shambles. He makes his way up to the centre of the graveyard where your body lies sprawled in a pool of blood and he slowly drops to his knees before you, easing you carefully off the ground and into his arms.

There’s so much blood; his fingers are completely soaked as he brushes some hair away from your bloodstained face. You’re unrecognizable.

Leon murmurs your name and gives you a little shake.

Your body wobbles from the action but there is no response.

The massive coil of black floats beside him; it is as dark as the night sky, hovering in the air with very limited shape or distinguished form, freed from the constraints of gravity. Its body is dotted with plenty of red lights which he recognizes to be eyes. They rotate and roll around this sea of darkness with carefree abandon, but they are all focused on him.

Leon can only stare; this cannot be a pokemon. This cannot be a creation of Arceus. Its design, its origins, are far too complex to have been engineered from earth.

It zips to his left, surrounding him and your body, peering at the Champion inquisitively before it looks at you. Then it dives upside down to gaze at Leon and returns to its proper upright position.

“You can see me.”

Leon nods.

The eyes crease with content.

“It is done,” it says, “Phobos is gone.”

…

White ceiling.

Bright lights.

Overlapping voices.

Squeaking wheels.

A sterile, noisy environment.

“We’re losing her!”

“Hurry up!”

You shake your head at all this unnecessary noise, sighing.

“Sissy!” exclaims a cheerful, happy voice behind you, and you turn round to see your little sister running up to you, holding a Teddiursa doll in one hand and Sunkern in the other whilst Cutiefly buzzes near her shoulder.

“Rosie! Cutie! Sunkern?!”

“Heehee, yes, we’re here!” Rosie says with a giggle as she jumps into your waiting arms.

You lift her up and into your arms with a grunt, Cutiefly flies over and nuzzles you gently, then he buries himself into Rosie’s hair and as you look at your sister, you exclaim, “Oh my gosh, look at you, you’re all grown up! I’ve missed you so much!”

She giggles and wraps her arm around your head, kicking her legs around happily. “I missed you too, sissy.”

Turning to the Pokemon, you murmur, “I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you.”

”They say it’s not your fault,” Rosie remarks as Cutiefly does a few loops and Sunkern squeaks.

Over the white horizon, a familiar black blob is making its way over to you.

It stops a short distance away before contorting and shifting and expelling two bright lights which come floating out. They are safely deposited to the ground and the blob returns to its proper shape.

“As promised, here are your parents,” Deimos says.

“Thank you, Deimos,” you say as you adjust your hold on Rosie.

“You are welcome.”

Deimos retreats and dissolves into wispy black smoke, leaving behind a familiar couple who head towards your direction at their own leisurely pace.

When the couple finally arrives, stopping shortly in front of you, you gently let Rosie down, who rushes towards mum with a grin.

“Mum, sissy’s here!” she says, and mum picks her up next and into her arms.

Your mum looks at Rosie and smiles, before shifting her gaze to you.

Glancing at the smiling faces of your mother and father and sister, you squeeze your eyes shut and smack a hand over your mouth, before you promptly burst into heartfelt sobs and they quickly move to your side.

“Mum, dad…I missed you so much.”

“We know.”

Your mum gently places Rosie down so she can wrap her arms around you, and your father joins in the huddle.

You're shaking as they hold you, sobbing and sniffling uncontrollably

Rosie is squashed in the middle although she giggles and clings to your side, and mum and dad hold you tightly with their eyes closed whilst you bury yourself in their inexplicable warmth, trembling and weeping in their arms.

They really are here.

It’s as though none of this happened and they had never left your side.

“I had a bad dream,” you say as you finally stop, reduced to a few hiccups every now and then.

You gently pull away so you can look at them and you want to look at them for as long as you can, for it's been such a long time since you had seen them in the flesh and not from a picture.

“I had a horrible dream where you were all taken away from me and I was alone. And I wanted to save you. I wanted to save you all.”

“And you did,” says dad, smiling. “We’re finally free.”

A mournful sob escapes your lips as you close your eyes again, and your parents usher you into their embrace again.

”It’s okay, we’re here.”

You shake your head. “I’m scared that I’ll open my eyes and you’ll be gone again.”

”Don’t be scared, we really are here.”

As you snivel, nodding weakly, you slowly open your eyes; your mother and father stand proudly before you, wearing kind smiles on their faces.

“We’re so sorry we weren’t there for you.”

You shake your head.

”You’ve had to grow up without us. You went through so much.”

Again, you shake your head.

“But seeing you now, we’re so proud of you,” mum says as you emit another choked sob. “You’ve worked so hard and you've helped so many people...we're so proud of you, dear…and now the next chapter of your life’s about to begin.”

“...What do you mean?”

“Here, here, look down there and have a look yourself,” mum says with a chuckle, and she steps away and you follow her to what appears to be a ledge where she peers down. “Look at that handsome young man by your side; despite seeing all these horrendous, evil monstrosities, he is still there for you.”

As you stand by her side, she gestures for you to glance down which you do, where you see a despondent Leon sitting by your side, holding your hand. You’re in a hospital room, lying on a bed with an IV drip and hooked up to a heart monitor. This has happened before.

Dad nods in approval. “He has my blessing.”

“Mine too,” mum replies, and your parents chortle and giggle to each other and as you watch Leon, your heart plummets.

“Well, Rosie, the great beyond awaits. Let’s go,” dad says, and he picks up Rosie’s hand and mum takes hold of her other.

“I’m scared,” Rosie says, glancing between your parents.

“Don’t be. I heard there’s a lot of marshmallows and Teddiursas waiting for us.”

“Okay,” she says timidly, “will sissy be coming too?”

”No, darling.”

You blink in disbelief. “Wait, what? What are you talking about? Where are you going?” you say, making a move to follow them but they turn to you with smiles.

“It’s not your time yet, dear,” mum replies.

“What do you mean? I…I was killed. Deimos killed me.”

They shake their heads.

“Not your time,” says dad, “And I’m darn relieved it’s not. You have yet to live a promising life with Leon.”

”But...”

”Tell your Uncle Chris I said ‘hi’, and not to blame himself anymore.”

“…It’s really not my time yet?”

“Of course not, you still have plenty of more adventures with that young man,” says mum; she smiles too but quickly drops it, mirroring your sullen expression. "I'm sorry, dear. You finally got to see us but...."

"It's okay, mum. I'm just glad I got to see you all again. Even if it's...the very last time,” you reply.

Your family return to your side once more where you share one last embrace with your parents and Rosie. You close your eyes as you hold them tightly; you want to hold onto them for much longer but deep inside, you know you have to let go.

You let go of Rosie last, giving her an extra squeeze before she leaves your arms.

“Take care, dear. We love you.”

"Bye mum, bye dad. I love you too.”

“Bye sissy,” Rosie says, scooping her hand out of your father’s so she can wave at you.

"Bye Rosie," you reply, waving. “I love you.”

“Love you!!”

They're walking away now, and you're deathly afraid that the moment they turn their backs to you they'll vanish from your eyes, leaving nothing but that desolate, empty void that was rooted within you for years and years from the very moment they were forcibly taken away...but strangely enough, that feeling never comes.

Your mind is at ease, your heart content as they throw glances at you from over their shoulders, smiling and waving.

You watch as they slowly move further away and away from you until their voices are scattered and slowly, dissolve into faint whispers in the wind and finally, silence.

They are bathed in a comforting glow and you feel at ease and tranquil as they laugh and smile, disappearing into the warm and serene light.

…

Ezra sits on the bench outside with Absol by his side, his dull eyes unfocused and staring limply into nothingness until he hears footsteps approaching.

An individual plops down on the empty space and there is the sound of a newspaper being flipped open, the paper crinkling under their grip, followed by a very weary sigh.

“Hello, my old friend.”

“…Deimos.” Ezra grunts under his breath.

“Your world is rid of a great evil. You must be happy.”

The old man emits a disgruntled sigh under his breath. “Is she gonna be okay?”

“She will be fine.”

He harrumphs, before his lips spread into a smile. “No sacrifices necessary this time?”

The newspaper is carefully flipped to the next page and the voice hums nonchalantly, “Well, herself – which she was aware of...but I brought her back as you requested.”

”No side effects?”

”No.”

“Her family?”

“Safe and moving on.”

“Thanks,” Ezra replies, “...Thank you.”

Deimos brings out a cigarette and a lighter is switched on, the little device emitting a satisfying crackle. “Would you like one?”

“I can’t.”

“Cancer, correct?”

“Yeah.”

“I have never tried one before. I'm very intrigued."

Ezra listens as the cigarette is lit up, Deimos inhales and takes a deep drag then exhales heavily, blowing some crisp, smoke into the air. In a few seconds, he begins to cough and choke.

“This is vile,” he croaks out, and Ezra laughs.

He hasn’t laughed for a while now, not like this. It’s refreshing yet so strange.

“What’s so funny?” says a new voice, gruff and deep, and Ezra quirks a brow as another set of footsteps approach the bench.

“Hm, if it isn’t Chief Inspector Graves. You feeling better?”

”I’m fine. Thanks for asking. You?”

”I’m well.”

Graves glances at Deimos next. “And you are?”

“I'm an old friend.”

Graves responds with a grunt under his breath before he throws his glance to the cigarette. “You got a spare?”

“I do. Would you like one?” Deimos asks.

“Yeah, gimme.”

Graves plops himself on the remaining empty space of the bench beside Ezra once Deimos hands him a cigarette, and he takes a deep drag before exhaling into the atmosphere. “I haven’t had one in years.”

“Don’t make it a habit.” Ezra warns.

"I know my limits."

"How is she?"

"She's in a stable condition now. There was a lot of blood loss but she's pulling through.”

There’s a brief silence as the men sit quietly before they inwardly sigh with relief.

“Weather’s awfully good today, isn’t it?” Graves mutters, looking up at the sky.

“Yeah,” Ezra replies, “it sure is.”

..

..

Many months later.

Leon has a Pokemon battle against Gloria.

He gives it all his best, but he loses.

He is no longer Champion and he silently heads towards the dark corridor on his own, leaving behind the fanfare, the confetti and the cheering, which is no longer for him.

Up ahead, a young woman in a white labcoat leans against the wall, waiting. When he arrives, however, she pushes herself off to stand properly.

Leon grins and makes his way over, sliding his hands around her waist and bringing her close to him, enveloping her into his chest. She wraps her arms around him in response, holding onto him firmly, eyes squeezed shut.

For what feels like a long time, they stand comfortably in each other's warm embrace and when they part, albeit still in each other's arms, he lifts a hand and brushes a loose strand of hair from her face, away from her eyes.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he murmurs.

She shakes her head, smiling. “Not at all.”

“Let’s go.”

He reaches for her and she reaches for him.

Hand in hand, they head for the exit together, towards a future unknown.

..

..

[howtobeanerd101]

Hello little Reylos!

I am a GIANT Reylo fan. I love it so much—I am extremely pleased with the way EVERYTHING went down.

Everything? Yes... well except for a couple small things but we’ll get there.

Most of you are probably confused about how I can be happy about Ben dying—and I’m not happy, I cried so hard. But here’s the deal, Ben Solo did not deserve better. When he was Kylo Ren he murdered so many people, killed his own father, and committed numerous war crimes. He has done so much evil.

With my theory for the dark side of the force—that it consumes you in way that makes Ben a different person from Kylo Ren (and Anakin different from Darth Vader—you could argue that he wasn’t really in charge of his own actions there, and I would happily listen to the argument. But even though I accept that Ben Solo and Kylo Ren are kind of different people, there is still a continuum where Kylo Ren begins and where Ben Solo begins. It’s never 100% Ben doing something or 100% Kylo doing something. And in TFA when he’s feeling the pull to the light, this shows that there’s likely more grey Kylo Ben (see what I did there lol) area than it looks like there was Anakin and Darth Vader area. So Ben was always in some control. While he certainly was abused and confused by Snoke, that doesn’t just give him a free pass; that gives him depth as a human and character and shows that he’s someone that needs our help—if he were real—because no matter your reasons, if you are doing something evil, you are doing something evil.

In TLJ, we see a new side of Ben, a kinder and softer side. We see Kylo not as Kylo, but as Ben: a scared boy who’s been confused and manipulated by Snoke. Rey sees this too and starts to fall in love with this boy and wants to do everything she can to save this person and return him to the light.

Many people who are happy he died (and I’m not happy I’m sad T_T) complain about he got more than he deserved when he got the kiss, but I don’t think he did. People can change. ANYONE has the ability to change and we should allow them to do so. But if they do, they still have to make up for the wrong they did. While that doesn’t always mean we should trust them if they’ve really hurt us, we should recognize an ability to change. And the deal is, Ben changed. Ben killed Kylo Ren and wanted to become a better person, so he saves the woman he loves selflessly; he sacrifices himself for the heckin boss woman (I love Rey so much guys) who saved the galaxy.

But even though he’s a good boy in that good boy sweater now, does that change what he’s done? Change the millions of people on those planets who died because of him, bring back those he’s murdered and his own father? No. Even though he’s changed, he still did all those things. But I believe that in coming for Rey in her darkest hour and sacrificing himself for her, he can atone for those things. Maybe not fully and I’m sure he has a lot of time as a force ghosty boy to try and fix things, but it’s a start. In fact, I think that him dying is the best thing that could happen for him. It’s exactly what he deserved—in the best way possible. He died saving the woman he loves and in saving the galaxy. He died as a hero and can now continue on to continue trying to right his wrongs and atone for his sins. Because he’s a good boy now, dying was the best thing that could happen to him so he could make up for everything he’s done.

I love Rey, and I love Ben Solo. While I do wish they could be happy, the best way for them to end was for Ben to sacrifice himself like a hero (catch me still liking and posting pictures of them looking at the sunset together tho (just because I like how it ended doesn’t mean I don’t wish for happiness)).

As for the things I didn’t like: I would’ve preferred a little less fighting between Rey and Ben to start with, but when he died I only want like an extra five seconds where she picks up something of his—like his good boy sweater—and then an extra five seconds at the place where everyone is happy and she looks at his good boy sweater sadly. Then when she buries the lightsabers on Tatooine she could also bury whatever she took of Ben’s. That only adds 10 seconds to the movie and would’ve made it feel better.

Anyway, Ben Solo did not deserve better because he already got the best thing that could happen to him: he found out that his love loved him too and he was able to begin making atonement to his sins. But if you think he deserved better, I totally understand and it makes me sad that you didn’t get a satisfactory ending to your character :(.

I heckin love Ben Solo my dudes.

[killian-whump]

WHookWeek: The F Word

Hello, and welcome to my TED Talk. I’m KW, and I’m the head mistress of the Killian Jones Bang Train. In honor of Wish Hook Week, I’ve been asked by absolutely no one to provide an in-depth look at our facilities and the special amenities and stations we’ve added to accommodate Old Hook, Wish Hook, and Detective Rogers.

First, allow me to say that we here at the KJ Bang Train have every sympathy for those who choose not to acknowledge the existence of Wish Hook (or his tengential other versions). We have a highly sophisticated protocol in place for such riders on the Bang Train, which we have tentatively titled, “Shut Up and Bang the Other One Then”.

However, for those of you who have adopted a “the more the merrier” or an “if it has Colin’s face, I’ll bang it” approach in your life, we have adapted and expanded all of our stations to allow for this exciting new addition to the KJ Bang Train. Please, come along with me for a veritable word wall virtual tour.

Current KJ Bang Train Stops

Aside from the last 30-40 years of their lives, Wish Hook and OG Hook both had the exact same experiences and relationships. As a result, nearly all stations service both Hooks concurrently - a fancy word that means at the same damn time. However, most stations do have special kiosks and exhibits relating to one Hook or the other. Let’s take a look...

Stop 1: The Liam Jones Lookout Whilst technically a station, this small stop is more of a pause in the Bang Train’s route. We have never witnessed anyone actually getting off at this stop, aside from those few souls who forgot they were riding the Bang Train and thought they’d take in some brotherly love. Generally, these riders return to the Train a little shaken, having seen a bit too much brotherly love for their tastes. Still, the stop is here if anyone ever shows up to man the place.

Stop 2: The Millian Mile This gorgeous, scenic stretch of stations is the second largest stop on the KJ Bang Train’s route. We have canon-compliant banging, canon-divergent banging, and AU banging... all of which service both Hooks equally. We also have an additional station devoted to OG Hook for all your Underworld banging needs. Bang away, you tragic star-crossed lovers T_T

Stop 3: Golden Hook Gateway Don’t be fooled by this stop’s golden appearance. All that glitters is not always consensual. Or maybe it is. But it’s probably not. This stop caters to both Hooks equally, though one’s likely to have a slightly more positive experience than the other. AU bangings, canon-compliant FoeTP bangings, canon-divergent bangings... We’ve got all the dirty, filthy bangings you could possibly want here. Just make sure to wipe your feet before boarding the train again. We don’t know where you’ve been, you dirty fiend friend.

Stop 4: Tinkerhook Terminal This fun, spritely stop is the first of several located in our lovely Neverland Neighborhood. This stop caters to both Hooks with plenty of jungle bangings literally everywhere and anywhere bangings can occur. There’s also a special “Reunion in Neverland” Kiosk that caters solely to OG Hook and S3 bangings, as well as a Storybrooke Kiosk for any of your post-S3 bangings with either Hook (or both, we never judge).

Stop 5: Captain Pan Camps As soon as the Bang Train pulls in at this popular stop, you’ll be asked by our porter if you prefer the Dark Camp or the Light Camp. You’ll want to make sure you choose wisely, my friends, as there is a BIG difference between the two! Both cater to all of your Captain Pan bangings, albeit in very different ways. Both also have an OG Hook specific “Reunion in Neverland” Kiosk, as well as a “Wish Pan” exhibit that promises untold future wonders for both Hooks... or nightmares, depending on which camp you chose ;)

Stop 6: The Lost Boys Layover Stops are rarely as raucous (or dangerous) as this one, which is why we do not allow drop-offs with later pick-ups here. We used to, but no one ever seemed to return, or they showed up late and on death’s door from Dreamshade poisoning. Instead, the Bang Train will remain in station, ready for evacuation, for the duration of your visit. Make sure to check out the “Felix Fracas” exhibit and the Mess Hall, which serves a lovely foie gras. (Please Note: All of our Lost Boys are physically over 18 and mentally deranged.)

Stop 7: Tiger Lily Territory The last of our Neverland stops is a beautiful paradise of nature. Specializing in blow darts, Lost Boy evasion, and bangings, this stop also boasts a lovely Post-Series Kiosk dedicated especially to Wish Hook. If Wish Hook isn’t to your liking, shut up and bang the other one instead.

Stop 8: Hooked Queen Haven The third largest stop on the Bang Train’s route, and the largest non-canon stop, this station has a small Pre-Curse Carriage Ride to greet you as soon as you leave the Bang Train. This rollicking ride is the only part of the Haven that services both Hooks equally. From there, the station diverges down two separate paths. The left hand path is for Wish Hook, comprised of Pirate Queen and HQ Endgame stations, while the right hand path is for OG Hook’s continued pre-curse and post-curse Hooked Queen shenanigans and various AU stops.

Stop 9: Captain of Hearts Cave This rocky dungeon-like stop caters almost exclusively to OG Hook, though there is a small kiosk for those who choose to believe there was some banging attempts before the two Hooks’ paths diverged. Make sure to check out the “History of Male Submission” exhibit, which runs year round for absolutely no reason at all, unless you know what I mean, then you know what I mean, and would surely agree with its inclusion here. For no reason. At all. Have a nice day :)

Stop 10: Captain Gothel Grove This dark, ominous stop is definitely one for seasoned bangers only. Be sure this is where you want to stop before you get off the train, because once you’re here... Well, you might be here for a longer time than you’d like. This stop is exclusively for Wish Hook, as OG Hook refused to touch this stop with a ten foot pole, much to Mother Gothel’s disappointment. Warning: Don’t eat the mushrooms. Or drink the tea. Or... Really, just watch your back, like, the whole time. Forever. This one is a genocidal maniac.

Stop 11: Hookriel Harbor This stop was originally much smaller and in a different place on the route, but it was upgraded and relocated as of Season 7. While the original station was devoted solely to OG Hook bangings, the new and improved station now focuses more so on Wish Hook and Wish Ariel’s relations. There still exists a kiosk for OG Hookriel, of course, along with all the original content from the first incarnation of this much-loved stop. Old Hook also gets some love here.

Stop 12: Sleeping Hook Spot This quaint little stop is centered on OG Hook’s AU/Divergent bangings with Princess Aurora. There is a small kiosk for potential Wish Hook post-series bangings, just in case you have need of it. This quiet refuge is just the place to calm your nerves before reaching the next stop...

Stop 13: Captain Swan Central Station The largest and busiest stop on the entire Bang Train line, this bustling hub boasts all the amenities one would expect from a 5-star establishment - a coffee shop, a gym, a pool where ill-fitting suits just happen to fall right off, plenty of hotel rooms with only one double bed, etc. There’s also special sub-stations for Lieutenant Duckling, Captain Swan Threesomes (just slap a name on the end of “Captain Swan” and there’s a station for it), Captain Swan 2.0, and just about every other variety of this endgame ship that your dirty little heart could possibly desire. Make sure to check out the special year-round exhibit entitled, “How Many Hooks Is Too Many Hooks?” Spoiler: The answer is none. There is no such thing as too many Hooks for Emma to bang at once.

Stop 14: Captain Charming Cove If you’re looking for a bromance, you’ll have to look elsewhere... for this is the bang train. We got nothing but bangings here, and these two DO bang at this stop. Choo Choo, All Aboard! We also have an MPreg Kiosk for all your mpreg needs. Nobody judges here. All Hooks welcome.

Stop 15: Krakillian Kreek A watery stop full of nothing but HUGS!!! (And tentacles. Please mind the tentacles and keep an eye on your orifices.)

Stop 16: Old Hooks Home This special stop caters to Old Hook, and Old Hook alone. Anyone and anything you might want to have Old Hook bang - it can happen here. Granny, Lady Tremaine, Old Emma, Young Emma, you name it. There’s also Taco Tuesdays and free bingo every night.

Stop 17: Hooking Utensil Utopia This Rogers-centric stop boasts the finest beignets in the world, as well as some top-notch detective work if you’re into that kind of thing. Oh, who are we kidding? You’re here to bang some Hooks... and the Hooking Utensil stop has the sweeeeeetest banging this side of the Pancake House. Wish Hook is also welcome, of course, both pre- and post- Hyperion Heights.

Stop 18: Hook Coven Crossing Still need more Hook? We’ve got you covered. Here at Hook Coven Crossing, your Hooks can bang other Hooks... and still more Hooks... whilst banging still more Hooks... and then a few more. All the Hooks are here, and they’re all waiting for you each other! :D

Stop 19: Last Chance Alley We here at the KJ Bang Train like to see to ALL of our riders’ needs... and that’s where Last Chance Alley comes in. All bangable ships that don’t have stops of their own can be indulged in here. We have kiosks for Red Hook, Black Hook, Wicked Hook, Hookfire, Stubble Sandwich, whatever we call Hades and Hook (why does that still not seem to have a name? maybe Blue Hook? No, that would be Blue + Hook...)... All the smaller ships are here, along with Captain Floor, Captain Bondage, some interactive “Make Your Own Threesome” exhibits and a self-contained Orgy Pile! Make sure to top off your ride on the Bang Train with this one-of-a-kind stop!

Stop 20: Right Back to the Start... The KJ Bang Train is life. The KJ Bang Train is love.

[daesungindistress]

what are ur thoughts on the whole seungri, burning sun, katalk chat situation?

HELLO. I am so immeasurably sorry about how long it’s taken me to get back to you on this. I started on a reply and then it just… fizzled out. Instead, I’ve been writing essays over at ALLKPOP, of all places. I know, I regret everything… and yet I can’t stop myself. T_T

What I’m going to do instead is post a few of my comments from that cursed site. This is far from being exhaustive: there’s more, ohhhh, there is more. But for now… here’s what I’ve got to say about the situation involving Seungri (behind a cut to save your dash):

In all my comments here I have taken care never to state that Seungri is innocent. Because while I want him to be – yes, I can admit that – I recognize and willingly acknowledge that I don’t know. None of us do. We are too far removed from the situation to say anything with certainty. It’s not our place to decide his guilt – or his innocence, for that matter, and I wish more people had the maturity to accept that.

So what I have been defending is not the fact of his innocence, but the presumption of it. I’m fighting for due process. For these two fundamental legal principles, without which our justice system falls apart. If nothing else, respect that. I’m as eager for the results of the investigation as anyone else; until then, until this is settled in court, all this heated speculation and pointing fingers and calling for heads to roll on a suspicion, it’s just noise. And I have no appetite for it.

Look at you, speaking in absolutes as if everything is fact, when in fact the investigation is still ongoing and nothing is confirmed. At this point the claims being made are so outrageous I’m shocked that anyone would so willing, so eager to believe them without an extremely thorough examination by authorities – not a bunch of bored strangers on the internet baying for blood. You have no moral leg to stand on regarding these very serious allegations being made against Seungri. Not one.

Your thoughts on VIPs are unfortunate, and I’m sorry you don’t see the good intent behind their actions. Better to defend the presumption of innocence like a civilized person than to attack without thought or consideration like an animal. Funny, I seem to recall you claiming that “people like Seungri don’t belong in a civilized society.” That’s rich coming from you. You have a hard lesson to learn about pointing out others’ flaws while steadfastly ignoring your own. Your actions ever since this scandal began have been utterly shameful, and I sincerely hope everyone here sees them for what they are: the dark and festering ramblings of a hateful person who should not be listened to.

For your sake, I sincerely hope the same does not happen to you one day. Someone accuses you of some wrongdoing and public opinion declares you guilty before you’re given a chance to defend yourself. Off with your head! Someone said it, therefore it must be true. It’s tragic that this is what it’s come to. The justice system exists for a reason, and it’s partly to prevent these kinds of premature lynchings. Grow a conscience and learn to reserve judgment until all sides have had a chance to share their story and all the facts are laid bare. Until then, well, you know what they say about casting stones.

Y'all are really giving Seungri too much credit here, making him out to be some kind of evil mastermind when it’s more likely that he’s just another bumbling human being like the rest of us who occasionally makes mistakes by unwittingly putting himself and his money in the wrong places. This is real life, not just another k-drama, and the world is not as black and white as you seem to think.

I’m not asking you to be blind, I’m asking you to not be a parrot repeating back all the vile things you’ve been reading on this toxic gossip board over the last few weeks. “He knew, he knew!” Put down your pitchfork and torch, take a deep breath, and listen to yourself. Would you be so quick to say these things about a friend, a family member, a neighbor, a coworker? Your comments read like someone who’s forgotten that Seungri, Lee Seunghyun, is a living, breathing human like the rest of us and not just a prominent character in the latest crime series. Could you look him in the eye and read him his lengthy list of alleged crimes? Or would you stutter and turn away, thinking, gosh, maybe he’s not the Big Baddie I’ve made him out to be.

“Crimes of this level are mistakes?” That statement only makes sense if you believe he was orchestrating everything, which I personally find a bit farfetched. You cannot, as a rational, intelligent person, disregard the possibility that his only crime here was being too trusting.

Anyway, I’m just here to remind you and the rest of your kind that your eagerness to string someone up so quickly is concerning, nothing has yet been proven – you’re just quick to believe anything you read – and all this racket is worthless anyway. Because you and I, we don’t get to decide his guilt (or lack thereof). This won’t be settled in the court of public opinion, it will be settled in a court of law – where reasonable minds prevail.

I’m not exactly impartial here, I’ll be the first to admit that. Do I want Seungri to be guiltless? Hell yeah I do. But if it turns out that’s not the case, I’m willing to accept that too. What I don’t have the patience for is people jumping the gun and joining the firing squad because it’s somehow fun and because as a celebrity, Seungri is an easy target for their (possibly) misplaced hate. They’ve done so much damage already without considering the possibility that they could be wrong. That, or they just don’t care. Right now everything is still up in the air, the story is changing every day. Y'all can take a shot at him when or if he’s found guilty of these alleged crimes, I won’t stop you. But for now all I’m really asking is that people wait and withhold their judgment until the appropriate time – and we’re not there yet.

What you’ve suggested is possible. Seungri might have had his suspicions, or like you said, it’s not hard to believe that he overheard some things but didn’t take them as seriously as he should have. Just “guy talk,” if you will. Unfortunately for him, ignorance is not an impenetrable defense – we do have a responsibility to act if we reasonably believe people are being harmed – so even if that turns out to be the extent of his involvement in this, he deserves more just than a slap on the wrist for it.

That said, I don’t think it justifies all the name-calling I’m seeing here. This is career, reputation, and life ruining stuff. And on what, a hunch? First, it has to be determined that these crimes even happened, and who committed them. That’s where we’re currently at in the investigation. Next comes determining that Seungri was aware of it, or worse, encouraging it… and we’re a long, long way away from that.

And that brings me to my final point, which I’ll repeat as many times as I need to: it is too soon for anyone to be talking about this with any kind of certainty. We are too far removed from the situation to make sound judgments at this time. Adopting a wait-and-see approach for now is the wise thing to do – and the right thing.

[gojaimas]

Late Comments

Hello people. It’s been four months since I finished I Wanted What I Saw That Day, and I’ve received many more comments since then. I figured I’d do some more responses, and give you all a quick update on what my plan is for writing more in the future.

So, I’ve been taking a bit of a break from writing, but I’ve been mulling over ideas for my next story and I think I’m ready to start planning it out officially now. It’s gonna be set in the Legend of Zelda universe, and it will be mostly centered around original incarnations of pre-existing character archetypes that have appeared throughout the series. But just so you know, it will still be a long time before I start posting again, so please be patient with me.

Now, onto your comments:

EternalWisdom: “I just gave a standing ovation for a fanfic of a cartoon from my childhood: That's how good you are. I've already praised much of the technical work such as your pacing and understanding of the characters, but I'd be lying if I said this Final Chapter didn't just play my heart strings like a golden violin. I intend for my own work to (eventually) convince readers of my characters having 3-Dimensional, 'clicking' personalities like the masterpiece you just bestowed upon our nostalgic, incest-supporting fandom. Best of wishes from an avid reader (with a somewhat pretentious name I came up with years ago), yours sincerely, EternalWisdom.”

Wow, thanks! It’s very nice to hear people found my depictions of the characters to be that well done. And don’t worry too much about your name. I’m already hoping I don’t live to regret choosing a broken japanese phrase for mine.

Anonymoose: “Sneaky how Lucy suddenly became the main character. Loved it the ending. I wouldn’t change it or create an alternate. It was perfectly bitter sweet.”

Lucy’s always been sneaky, after all. And thanks, I plan to leave the ending alone for now. I will still consider continuing it in some way in the future though.

justanaverageguy: “"I wanted what I saw that day."...I would pull a CinemaSins and say "Roll Credits," but I would also say it was well used in this work (Plus, it was in the last chapter, after all). I had always thought the "I" in the title was Gwen, but seeing that it was actually Lucy was a great reveal. Lucy truly was the star of this fic. Her character makes this one stand out among anything else (that I've read at least) from this community. I've always seen Ben and Gwen as a great duo ever since I first watched the show, and I will always enjoy fics and episodes focusing on those two. But seeing these three work as a trio was quite a unique take on the characters, and they work so well together. Hats off to you, my friend, for what might possibly be my favorite Ben 10 fanfic. I look forward to checking out what else you may do. I am a Zelda fan too, so I'll probably end up seeing your work again at some point. Until then, ciao!

I couldn’t resist the title drop! It was really fun holding onto the secret of the title’s true meaning for nine whole months while everyone else tried to figure out what it meant. I’ve said before that I’ve probably done more for the Lucy fandom than I have for the Bwen fandom at this point. I would certainly like to see her appearing in more stories. Thank you for your compliments, average guy! I look forward to your reactions to my Zelda story in the future!

jairoesme: “wow that was epic I wasn't expecting the title to show up in there as I read that part it felt so strong. Great story”

Thanks! Seeing everyone reacting to the title drop like this seriously has me giggling. I love it!

Spazbulba: “That was pure magic - it has been years since I was simultaneously both so happy and so sad with the end of a story. Gojaimas You truly are a Legend!”

Truly.

armandaza: “I wanttt moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, no wayyyyyyy T_T”

More??

Guest: “Well, it took me 17 and a half hours to do it, but I finished it. All 300,000 words of it. I gotta say, this has been one of the best bwen stories I’ve ever read in my life. I was so excited to see that there was a new story to read after not looking for months, I read it all in one day! I was wondering something though. Since you basically have the market cornered on Ben 10 fanfic now that everythings died down so much, I was wondering if every now and then, you could post another story about it. Not necessarily long ones, just a one-shot every now and then and maybe a longer one if you’re up to it (maybe even a few stories with Lucy and Ben or even Gwen). It’s been ten years since Ben 10 ended, so there isn’t much more new material out there for the community to enjoy. I know you said you were planning on moving on after this, but maybe every now and then, when you’re stumped with writers block or you’re just bored, maybe you could throw together a little story for us. If it’s even a fraction as good this story was, it would honestly make everyone’s day to have something new to read, especially if you’re writing it. :) Cheers man, happy writing. -Just another fan”

Wow, 17 and a half hours? Damn, dude. I hope you got some sleep after that. But also, wow, that’s really flattering! I’m glad you liked it so much. Doing little Ben 10 one-shots set in my story’s canon every now and then as I work on my Zelda story is something I’ll consider. I grew really fond of working with those characters, so it’s definitely something I’d love to do again some time.

Guest: “Beautiful. What a journey this was” Dark Ace Demon: “What a journey. Thank you for posting this masterpiece up, truly.“

Thank you! Alexa, play “Don’t Stop Believing.”

Guest: “Just as an FYI, a werewolf is a man-wolf. Wer being the old english word for man." (Context: Chapter 12)

That was based on a real conversation I had with someone back when I was (even more of) a little know-it-all. Gwen is smart, but she’s still a kid. She can make mistakes too. I was the Gwen at the time. I was corrected by Snape when I watched the third Harry Potter movie.

GoodScottish: “That was an amazing read and well worth staying up all night to finish it but its just left me wanting so much more. There is just so many things that i want to know what happens next to. Like what happens to Lucy does she find that special someone? What do Ben and Gwen get up to on this summer vacation? Does grandpa Max find out? What happens when they get back can they keep hiding it? And most importantly for me what happens when their parents find out?”

Many thanks, good scotsman! I know there’s still a lot left unanswered, but that’s how Ben and Gwen feel now too. They still have a long road ahead of them. Maybe I’ll write more of it one day, but I think that was a good place to leave it for now. Also, today I’m finding out a lot of my readers have terrible sleeping habits.

Mason: “Your country is proud of you son.”

Fuck yeah!

Kira Sema: “Anyone else reread this in the span of a couple days and start crying all over again? Because here come the waterworks all over again. I know I reviewed, but had to review again after a reread. I think I've said this before, but I relate to Lucy so much. It's hard not to be considering how she felt. Great story once again. Even though it's 48 chapters, all those chapters were worth it and all as much in character as they could be.”

Thank you once again, Kira Sema! I’ll admit I often cringe too hard at my own writing to reread too much of it, but I’m glad you enjoyed it as much the second time around!

Guest: “I read through this everyday... it’s a bittersweet ending. It was like waiting for an anime episode every week and you feel sad when it’s over, so you go through it again holding onto hope for a season 2.”

I know that feel.

“I’ll even wait as long as for an incredibles sequel if I have to.”

Um. I have some good news for you on that front, buddy.

“I had no idea the story would stop there though so it kinda threw me off guard... I was all “wait it’s really over?!” I thought we’d deal with more of having their relationship bloom, being exposed and we’ll have a year 4 summer trip before coming to an end. I mean having the epilogue near the end of a summer trip would really match the beginning of where Ben and Gwen started off in the story but show us how much has changed between the two of them. But I guess it depends on how we look at it, we could also view it as the “Start of Something New” with Ben & Gwen going to their trademark summer trip as a couple then they were as kids who couldn’t wait to get rid of each other at the end of it in the beginning, so maybe it’s a sign that their story isn’t over yet. Lucy was one of the most breathtaking and heartbreaking characters in this story, kind of like menma, a bit of an airhead. always happy, puts other people infront of her feelings.”

She probably was one of my minor inspirations for Lucy’s character. I think I watched Anohana at some point while I was writing this story, hence the inspiration for the title. I love that little cutie.

Thank you for the rest of your comment too, kind guest! I really appreciate you taking the time to write such a glowing review of my work. I’m glad I was able to give you another Bwen story to read!

Guest: “Mr. Gojaimas, I don’t feel so good...”

I love how Infinity War came out during the time I was posting this. I’ll always associate my story with this meme because of my fans, and I’m very happy about that.

TargaryenFire: “Hey Just came here to say i am loving this story, one of the best i have ever read with this ship. Not wanting to be a bother, but will Gwen's anodite blood come into play in the future?”

Thank you! You’ve probably seen your question answered in a different chapter by now, but just in case: Anodites don’t exist in my story, Gwen is completely human, and a lot of other stuff from the sequels is ignored.

Guest: “Your legend will live on...”

Hopefully in the form of oddly specific fandom inside jokes.

Shirokokuro: “You did an excellent job on this-especially in keeping within the 4-year timeline you had set! It was all so sweet, and that ending of them going on a summer trip together was amazing! Here's to you on being such a dedicated and awesome author!”

Thanks so much! I’m pretty happy with how everything turned out, and I’m glad you liked it too.

Lost: “I think I just binge-read this whole thing. Uh. It was riveting, to say the least. The final connection between Lucy's actions, her memories and the title was very powerful. Thanks for writing this! :)”

You are very welcome! Once again, Lucy steals the show!

Guest: “I read the entire story in a week. I loved the character development and how you effectively gave some deeper understanding of the characters not just Ben and Gwen, but also Lucy, Natalie, Joel, Emily, and Julie. I love you so much for creating this fanfiction and your undeniable talent in writing a story. That is why it pains me even more for how the chapter ended and contiualy wished that Proffesor Paradox or even Gwendolyn could just come up from the future and change Lucy's ideas or yours so that the three could be like a three- man couple. I am just so heart broken right now bailing my eyes out and just hoping there is a continuation (not a different ending) where it can be from Bwen to Bwency (I don't know if that's a word).”

Giving minor characters more development is something I’m a huge fan of, as you can plainly see with Lucy. I’m always happy to hear from binge-readers! Bwency is most definitely a word, and if I ever do a continuation, I very well might make it happen! But for now, Ben is simply following this sage advice from yours truly:

Slykke: “Beautiful shit here. Binge read this in 5 days. Really liked how this was wrapped up and how you turned someone that I forgot even existed in the OS into a favorite. Lucy was amazing in this story and now holds a special place in my heart after this. Thank you for the wonderful read and I cant wait to see your next work.”

“Yes, yes! Praise me more!” -Lucy

Amin: “This has such solid plot that every other fanfic seemed inferior. I kinda wish this story was real.”

Thank you! If any Ben 10 writers are reading this and wanna retroactively make it all canon instead of the sequels, that would be just fine by me.

Guest: “when are we gonna get the Lucy route?”

Not sure. Maybe someday. I am very interested in how I could make that happen.

Guest: “Gojaimas is... GOD. He does a miracle and then leaves us. This was the second coming of Jesus Christ.”

I’m flattered, but I’ve never made a tree.

Well, that’s all for now. Bye, everybody! I hope to hear from all of you again someday!

[fandom-imagines]

Runaway ➳ Min Yoongi X Reader

Chapter Four:

Runaway Masterlist

Paring: Min Yoongi (Suga)X Reader

Content ➳ a state of satisfaction.

The next morning, I gathered what little belongings I had, and headed to my new apartment.

After paying the deposit, I had little money left, meaning I couldn’t afford food, but at least the apartment came furnished.

“If there’s anything I can help with, don’t hesitate to give me a call” Min-Jun smiled, pointing to the paper with a number besides.

I thanked him, watching him leave, before tossing my bag onto the floor.

I let out a relieved sigh, slipping off my shoes and pulling my phone out of my back pocket to see I had a text.

TaeTae: Hey Y/N! Are you busy today?

I chuckled to myself, remembering how sweet he was.

I quickly placed my phone on charge, making a mental note to reply to him after I had looked for a job.

I remembered a sign at truffles yesterday saying help wanted, giving me hope.

I picked up my bag, looking for suitable clothes to make a good impression, changing and then heading out of my new apartment towards truffles.

“Y/N, hey!” I heard a female voice call as I entered the café.

Looking up, I spotted Ji-Yeon from yesterday.

“Ji-Yeon, hey!” I smiled, walking towards the counter.

“What are you doing here? Couldn’t resist our food?” She joked, making me laugh.

“I was actually looking to get a job” I smiled, pointing at the help wanted poster behind me.

She smiled at me, finishing the drink she was making and handing it to the customer waiting.

“I’ll just go get my manager, I’ll put in a good word” She winked, spinning on her heel and walking into a room nearby.

I stood awkwardly at the counter, messing with the sleeve of my polo shirt, and hem of my jeans waiting for her to come back.

A few minutes later, Jin-Yeon came back with a bright smile, followed by a man in his late forties, dressed in jeans and a shirt.

He smiled when he saw me, saying something to Ji-Yeon, who smiled before heading back to work.

“Y/N, right?” He asked, walking towards me.

I smiled, and nodded.

“Yes, sir” I said, making him chuckle.

“No need to be so formal” He smiled, reminding me on Ji-Yeon yesterday.

“If you’d like to follow me, I just need to ask you a few questions” He said, walking towards the door he had previously left with me following close behind.

The interview lasted around ten minutes, ending with him saying I’m hired.

I guess the good word Ji-Yeon put in worked wonders, because if that was an interview back in Y/H/T I would have been kicked out.

“Can you work today?” He asked, standing up and brushing himself off.

“Of course” I smiled, jumping up.

“You’re enthusiastic” He chuckled, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“You can work alongside Ji-Yeon today, she’ll show you the ropes. Just sign here” He said, handing me a sheet.

I quickly read the sheet, signing it as he handed me an apron, a name badge, notepad and a pen.

“Have a good day, Y/N” He smiled, before walking into, what I assumed, was his office.

I quickly wrote my name down on the badge I was given, and tied the apron around my waist, then running back into the café area, notebook in hand.

“Hey! You got the job” Ji-Yeon smiled, her brown hair hitting her face as she spun around.

I nodded, smiling as I walked towards her.

“Sweet, it’s pretty easy. Just smile when taking orders, all the customers are nice so there’s no need to worry” She smiled, brushing a strand of hair from her face.

“Your phones buzzing” she chuckled, pointing towards my pocket where my phone was lit up.

“Get it, no one minds” she smiled, grabbing a cloth and walking towards a table.

TaeTae: Did you ignore me T_T

I smiled, typing out a reply.

Y/N: Sorry, I was busy lolol~

TaeTae: Yaayy you replied

Y/N: I’m down to hang out, if the offer still stands

TaeTae: Yes! Can you play overwatch

Y/N: diD SOMEONE SAY OVERWATCH

TaeTae: YOU DO?

Y/N: YES

TaeTae: YAAY

Y/N: Will it be all of you or?

TaeTae: Me, you and Jungkook. But Yoongi-hyung will be there too (\^-^/)

Y/N: I’ll text you when I leave! See you!

TaeTae: Byeeeeee

I shoved my phone back into my pocket, making sure it was on silent before heading to serve a customer.

My shift went fast, with me and Ji-Yeon talking and joking throughout.

As we both left, we exchanged numbers and decided to meet, outside of work.

“Bye!” I smiled, waving at Ji-Yeon as she climbed into her boyfriends’ car, smiling at him.

I smiled sadly, grabbing my phone and texting Tae.

Y/N: I just left work ^-^

TaeTae: Sweet! Where do you work?

Y/N: Truffles, just started

TaeTae: Stay there, we’ll pick you up

Y/N: You don’t have to!

TaeTae: Too late 😊

I chuckled, smiling to myself as I leant against the wall waiting for the van to arrive.

About ten minutes later, I heard a voice call my name.

I looked up from my phone towards the voice, seeing Yoongi in the van.

I waved, walking towards the van and hopping in.

“Hey” I smiled, pulling my seatbelt across me and making sure it was secure.

“Hello” He said quietly, immediately driving.

Did he not like me? Or was he just shy?

I decided against making conversation, as I was pretty bad.

The ride went by quickly, as I glanced over at Yoongi every few minutes.

There was no doubt that he was extremely attractive.

I’m pretty sure anyone would kill to be with him.

“We’re here” He said, hopping out of the van alongside me.

“You live here?” I asked, shocked at the dorm.

I heard him let out a low chuckle as he watched me.

“Come on” He said, leading me towards their home.

“Y/N!” I heard Tae yell, running towards me like a dog running towards their owner.

“Hey” I smiled, immediately being dragged away, without even taking off my shoes.

“Jungkook, she’s here!” Tae grinned, catching Jungkooks attention.

“Hey, Y/N!” He smiled, turning his attention back to the game in front of him.

“Tae said you play?” He asked, finishing the game he was in.

“Yeah, me and Y/B/F/N (your best friend name) used to play all the time” I said, sitting beside Tae.

“Let’s play!”

The three of us had been playing a few games for six or so hours consecutively, without realising the time.

“I should probably go” I said, as I glanced out of the window seeing how dark it was.

“It’s 1am, Y/N. It’s too late for you to walk” Jungkook said, looking at his phone.

“You can sleep here!” Tae smiled, jumping up from his seat and heading out the door.

“Are you sure?” I asked, facing Jungkook who just nodded.

“I’m sure no one will mind” He shrugged, looking towards the screen, making me chuckle.

We sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, before Taehyung came rushing back in, some clothes in his hand.

“These are Yoongi-Hyung’s, he doesn’t mind” He smiled, handing me the clothes making me blush.

Yoongi’s’?

“T-Thank you” I stuttered, a blush covering my cheeks making the two laugh.

“Does someone have a crush” Tae sang, making me blush even more.

“Of course not” I mumbled, asking where the bathroom was so I could change.

Yoongis’ shirt hung just above my knees, the sweatpants tied tightly, hopefully they wouldn’t fall.

I left the bathroom, my blush even darker as I spotted myself in the clothes.

“You look like you stole your boyfriends’ clothes” Jungkook laughed, both at his joke and the blush on my cheeks.

“Come on, we’re having a movie night” He said, leaving the room and heading to the lounge.

All the boys, minus Jungkook were facing the tv, as the iron man title screen played.

“Are those Yoongi-Hyungs clothes?” Hoseok asked, pointing at the clothes I was wearing.

“They are” Yoongi said, not looking up from his phone.

“Hyung, you hate sharing clothes” Jimin interjected, as Yoongi shrugged casually.

“Come on, sit next to me” Hoseok grinned, patting the space between him and Yoongi making me blush.

“O-okay” I stuttered, sitting beside then, with Hoseok resting his head on my shoulder.

“Hope you don’t mind” Hoseok chuckled, making me laugh.

“Not at all” I smiled, resting my head on his.

“Hobi and Y/N sitting in a tree” Tae chanted, making the others, besides Yoongi, who was on his phone once again, laugh.

The movie night went by quite fast, with Hobi falling asleep on my shoulder half way through the movie and the others falling asleep soon after.

They must have been busy.

I heard Yoongi sigh standing up, and walking towards the kitchen.

He came back a minute later with a glass of water.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep like the others?” I asked, making him jump slightly.

“You scared the crap out of me” He whispered, making me laugh quietly.

“Sorry” I smiled, making him shrug.

“I can’t sleep which is weird, why aren’t you asleep?” He asked, taking a sip from his glass.

“Me either” I sighed, playing with the sleeve of Yoongi’s shirt.

It wasn’t entirely a lie. I was just scared to sleep. I had been having nightmares for a while, mostly of Damon.

I usually didn’t let my emotions get the better of me. But when they involve people close to me, they take over.

“Popcorn?” He offered, gently taking the bowl from Jungkooks lap making me laugh, and take some, him doing the same.

Yoongi and I stayed up for a while, getting to know each other better, before the both of us fell asleep.

I woke up a few hours later as Hobi pulled away from my shoulder, stretching slightly.

It was the first night in a while, I hadn’t had nightmares.

“Morning” I whispered, as he smiled.

“Did I wake you, sorry” He apologised, making me shrug.

“No worries” I smiled, stretching.

I looked up to see Jungkook leaning across Taes lap, a content smile on his lips.

The boys were all leaning on each other in some way, making me smile.

“We all have practice today, so we have to wake them soon” He chuckled, leaving me confused.

“Practice?” I asked, reminding him of something.

“I guess you don’t know” He said.

“We’re idols” He continued, making me nod.

“Cool” I smiled, proud of them.

About an hour past, before Hobi decided to wake everyone up to get ready to practice.

After they had all changed and got ready, we headed to the van, all eight of us joking about as we drove back to my apartment.

“Bye, Y/N” Jin waved, along with the rest of the boys, before taking off again.

I smiled to myself as I entered my apartment.

I had only been here a few days, and already made some friends that I knew would last a lifetime.

For one time in my life, I was content.

[therewas-a-girl]

Hey i love the insight you give to Oliver and im not so lucky to be an analytical (😬😊) and was wondering what does Oliver trusting himself have to do with him not telling Felicity? And what does Felicity mean when she says she understands now because of Billy? Those scenes have me very confused.

okay, anon here i am, finally. im so sorry for the  late reply, but i’ve had a couple of bad days preceded by some worse weeks T_T, and i’m in the middle of exams * T_T harder* , so free time is essentially not here for me.

BUT i’m on my break now - 

SO!

first of all, thank you! i find it  a little bit surprising tbh, cause i never saw myself as very analytical - i just sort of obsess over details and some things seem to make sense only to me?  or i just don’t know how to express them clearly enough. but im going to try my best, i promise. but don’t take me at my word, cause honestly, even as i write this, im still trying to understand this myself, so i’ll just… take with with a grain of salt

im going to take up the easy one first: felicity. mostly because, where felicity’s ‘i understand now because of Billy’, of all things, is concerned, my reaction is basically this :

im just not here for it, and i dont care to bullshit my way into circular meta/rationalization over it, because the subtext of it as an idea alienates and, frankly, enrages me.

Oliver… 

So, the first thing i thought when i heard Oliver say, ‘i dont trust myself’ is the fact that, this whole conviction he has right now (that he enjoyed killing, and that everything that is and went wrong in his life, stems form this truth he hid from himself)is based on his supposed clarity about himself and his nature that he gained when he was holed up and tortured by Adrian for 7 days. Aka, not to be trusted.

my messy reasoning goes kind of like this: 

in the flashbacks, we saw Felicity tell him that she still felt like he didn’t trust her, or anyone.  That she didn’t understand why, and ‘maybe you don’t understand why either’. Leaving us with the hint  that, until he does, and deals with it, he will keep making the same choices. 

Oliver did not contradict her - which makes me think he, in part, agreed with her. 

(the writers use characters for this kind of ‘truth exposition’ thing, so i’m guessing they wanted to tell is that yes, Oliver does think this, and doesn’t understand this about himself*) 

so he has this insecurity, this… missing understanding about himself. A secret, so to speak. A truth about himself that he is so afraid of, that he has buried it so deep inside that is not even buried; It’s suppressed at this point. Which is why he didn’t understand himself. 

Adrian kidnaps him. 

Now, i thought it important to remember that he is the villain. (and here is where the text and my interpretation of it mix a little) Adrian is super smart and intuitive about people, and also - important! - a lawyer. He knows how to ask questions, how to lead people on. All the while Oliver was there, Adrian was in his suit, walking back and forth like in front of  a jury, totally calm, asking one leading question after another; plus a lovely side dish of torture, because why not trigger all the lovely trauma. 

And he got what he wanted. He got Oliver to tell him exactly what he wanted to hear!

Basically Adrian made Oliver look at his deepest fear, and admit it as truth. (and it’s not that i think the whole ‘i liked it’ about killing is a lie. but i think its more complicated than ‘you’re a dangerous crazy person who enjoys killing. who knows what you might do’) . A truth that Oliver has, apparently, always known on a subconscious level. Something he has  never faced but always feared. 

(which is, ironically, what makes it so easy to believe. It’s always a lot easier to believe the bad things about ourselves - but even more so when you take into account how self-deprecating Oliver is. hello depression how are you?)

This truth he admitted has been behind his every hesitation, his every insecurity. The fear that goes kind of like this: ‘You are a bad person because you did horrible things, monstrous things, and it’s not that you’re not sorry. You  liked it’.  

To someone like Oliver, whose sense of morality, right and wrong, is mostly internal, personal, (but also informed by conventional understanding of good and evil ) and who relies on ideals, motivations, reasons, to help him navigate his daily life, this is basically shattering the ground he walks on.

Oliver has always seemed to me like he needed to believe that his actions were right. Extreme, but justifiable, doing the right thing. (i remember his whole speech in s1 when he made an offer to John about joining him. about how the rich people of Starling were stepping on the city’s throat and not caring who they hurt and if nobody was going to stop them, then ‘its going to be me’. it was to fulfill a promise, a duty - something he sometimes even seemed to resent. but to do that, he had to believe he was doing the right thing, though in flawed ways) 

…that he didn’t even think were that flawed since, in season 1, he was having some SERIOUS adjustments issues when it came to adapting to civilian life. Every time he went out there, he was ‘kill or be killed’ mentality of a war-zone, which had been his reality for 5 years. Took some time to shake that off and even be able to see that he didn’t have to kill to survive. (and holy shit am i digressing)

Now, it seems to me that Oliver took this admission when he was in that cell, and did not stop to examine the ‘why-s’ and ‘how-s’, or even doubt the conclusion Adrian led him to, based on who was ‘holding his hand’ trying to get him there. Because Oliver says it himself - ‘Adrian did not make me a killer’. He frees this truth from circumstance completely. (either the circumstances of his admission, or even, before that, his behavior/violence) 

I don’t even think circumstances matter to him; they’d probably sound like justifications and he’d feel even worse for trying to justify himself, when he thinks so lowly of himself. 

Obviously Felicity puts it in far better context than he is capable - or rather, willing -  to do, reminding him, in 5.20, of things that he maybe knows to be true, but that he thinks have no bearing on his actions, or his judgement of himself. (’Five years in hell did that. Five years dealing with this city’s worst criminals did that’). She immediately gives him context, that Oliver probably feels either guilty for considering, or like it has no bearing, because he still chose murder, and who does that? Bad people who are not to be trusted. The kind of people he used to kill, in fact. (a belief reinforced by the accidental murder of Billy Malone, actually, while we’re at it. Like, in Oliver’s head it probably sounds like this: ‘if you weren’t so fucking monstrous and a murderer, Malone would still be alive’.)

The crux of the question seems to be the clash (a push and pull) between the love and compassion he is capable of, all the good parts of him, moral parts (and judgments); and the violence he knows he is capable of. (and righteousness, the satisfaction he felt while enacting that violence.**). 

He probably thinks that this ‘truth’ Adrian ‘showed’ him/led him to, is something he’s “known” all along, but just been too much of a coward to admit to himself. 

Like, suddenly that ‘unknown reason why he doesn't trust anyone’ has a logic, and a clear definition. He was afraid to face it, but now he does, and it makes perfect sense! He is the problem! He doesn’t trust himself because – the goodness (to simplify it) inside him, the part of him that feels guilt now, never let him get close to people he loved, even though he wanted to, even though he needed them. It always made him hesitate, because essentially, he was protecting everyone around him, instinctively, from what he knows to be violent and dark inside him. 

He also lied to himself and others he got involved with (John and Felicity, for starters)  about why he was doing what he was doing. That he is no better than the people he used to murder, and he even got his best friends involved 

and he forgets that his ability to feel all this guilt over this kind of thought is, essentially, what makes him so different, and sets him apart from this person he is so afraid he is. 

EDIT: i almost forgot that you asked me about how this relates to Oliver not telling Felicity about William - and I’m guessing, it’s not specifically about William. That omission was generalized as a lack of trust, and this ^^ whole thing, seems to be aimed to explain why. I think Oliver thought she would for sure explode in his hands, a conviction fueled by Barry’s ‘you broke up’ idea. And that he thought she would for sure leave him, not love him enough to forgive him? Not love him enough, essentially, because why would she? 

The feeling of being a failure for missing out on his son’s life (were it anyone else, i wouldn’t say he takes this blame too on his shoulders, because its so clearly Moira’s and Samantha’s doing for keeping him away, but this is Oliver! Of course he would) probably added to the guilt and the certainty that he wasn’t good enough for her to hang around. 

A self fulfilling prophecy, in truth, and a also a deep misunderstanding of Felicity’s character. More than the lie/omission, i find this, the reason behind it, to be Oliver’s real mistake. 

A mistake of course that is, sadly, in character, because Oliver has historically had trouble believing that the people he loves actually love him back. Which leads us back to ‘why would they’, and the reason why he thinks that, which is basically that he thinks he’s a shit person not worthy of anyone’s love. Not always, but most of the time.

It’s such a BRILLIANT manipulation really, because on someone who is like Adrian, this kind of lie wouldn't work! (Adrian killed his wife. In cold blood. he has exactly zero problems being the way he is.) 

It takes someone like Oliver for this  to work. Someone who is essentially ALL HEART. Who is kind and good and who, on a deep human level, abhors the violence that was done to him and that he has done to others, despite knowing that ‘it is a violent world and - as the world has taught him - it only responds to violence.’ It takes someone moral enough that, even while enacting murder, even while feeling that killing evil men was good, would still know it is wrong. And hate himself for it. For being capable of it, for looking at the world in the  face and thinking it is necessary. 

You can be led to think something is necessary, and still hate it. I think Oliver is an idealist, so it fits that he would hate having to lower himself to the level of nastiness the world around him responds to. (it’s so good for him that he is a mayor, actually. he can affect change, without employing ‘talents’ that came to him though pain and loss and tragedy. skills - violence - that he probably hate using by now, at this point in his journey) 

I really hope I’m making at least some kind of sense. Im sure this is like, only a portion of what is really going on with Oliver; or an angle into it? idk… 

Personally, when I imagine Oliver’s mind, I usually think of him floating on the surface of a really deep lake. And this lake is his personality/psyche, the exploration of which has been affected by his history. Said history has been such that he has explored corners of this lake that to most people, remain obscure all their lives. This is not a good or bad thing. it chance. Some people are pushed to the extremes and learn new things about themselves. Some never have to. Oliver was pushed, and he knows the depths of this lake, the hidden caves, the scary wildlife in the dark. It’s not like he went to those depths because he wanted to - but that doesn’t matter. What he saw there, he cannot unsee, unlearn***. 

Now he is on the surface again - but he knows the geography of himself. Most people whose feet dont touch the soil think the depth goes a couple of feet more. Oliver knows it doesn’t. And he knows that, if necessary, he could go to those depths again, if he has to. 

I mean, people rarely know what they’re capable of in extreme situations. Most people think choices made in these kinds of cases reveal you. And Oliver thinks those choices revealed a killer. And despite how balmy the surface waters are, he knows that down there it’s ugly so, he puts up these limits. You get to swim up to here where its safe, but not further out. Even if you want to. Felicity totally wanted to know all about him, but Oliver thought, wow no. Down there its ugly and gross and if she sees that, she will not just leave. She will also hate me. And to Oliver, being someone who feeds so much on the opinions of the people he loves - that  is basically his worst nightmare. I swear some of his most radical actions have been because he was so resistant to someone he cares about thinking badly of him. 

Anyways, this got ridiculously long. 

* the next time anyone tells me Arrow is good representation for someone with PTSD and mental illness, I’m gonna fucking FIGHT that person, because this is prime example of these asshole writers mystifying this illness. Why, you might ask. Because Oliver’s trust issues can directly and unequivocally be traced to his trauma. Its not that hard. it is not a mystery and treating it as such, and making everyone around him ignorant of this simple fact, demonizes (so to speak) his condition, instead of ‘representing’ it in any positive way. 

At this point Oliver’s isolation is beyond logic - or suspense of logic. As of right now there are two soldiers, two geniuses and a cop on his team! it makes them all into either idiots, or nasty, cause they have either trained to expect this (Dinah, as a cop, i imagine knows what PTSD is) or been through it (John, Rene) or are fucking geniuses who can fucking google (Felicity, Curtis). By now even nonexistent baby Sara would be able to understand the reasons behind Oliver’s patterns of behavior. It is not rocket science AND EVEN IF IT WAS - FUCKING GENIUSES IN THE HOUSE???!!!

I’m just so tired of Oliver’s trauma and violent re-traumatization being used (exploited) and some ‘so hard to understand’ baffling plot point, instead of being dealt with.

** I dont think Oliver ever stopped to consider that his life during those five years was hell, and that that means a lot of things. It means that it was out of control for a long time. that he was prey for a long time. and that it is absolutely normal to feel a sort of satisfaction when you are not the prey anymore. and that its normal to feel good when you ‘replace evil with death’ like he did in season 1. and that plenty of veterans would be able to tell him that soldiers hate war and t lohe ve war too, and that this is what happens when you live in this… almost liminal violent reality for so long. we are human and we adapt to whatever we have to, to survive. 

***I actually think this is what’s happening with Felicity too, only instead of a lake, with Felicity I imagine a road. Like those that stretch through the desert. She only sees this one road and she is so sure that she has to walk it, because it feels righteous to her. Necessary. 

Oliver and John though, they know where that road leads. They know that the choices she will make along the  way that will feel necessary - that they may even BE necessary - but she may eventually regret making them. Because this extreme, ruthless clarity she’s living, and which they have lived, pushes away all reasons why some things are wrong, but those reasons, John and Oliver know, eventually (if you’re lucky) will come back. And the  choices made during that time might give Felicity insight into things she is capable of that she is probably going to hate. And hate herself for making them. 

And they’re just trying to warn her that this road she is walking on is literally the middle of nowhere. That there are no stop signs to tell her when she’s gone too far and that she will know only when she is too deep in it, and she will hate herself for it, just like they hate themselves for some of the things they  have done, that they wish they  never had to do. 

I’m going with this interpretation, instead of the weirdly sexist-vibe of ‘you’re too pure to be fucking human’ angle.

[rantceratops]

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God this episode starts out so delightfully awkward, LMAO. At least Ollie gets a kick out of it. 

And, man, Greg, could you possibly broadcast it any louder that Conner and Megan obviously have the most kinky relationship out of any of the couples in the show? I mean god, sometimes I’m kind of surprised they even got away with this scene, given all the uh, adult situations it kind of entails these two participate in their bedroom. (I love the adult jokes and topics YJ was able to get away with, tbh, and I hope that kind of thing increases in s3 with it not being held back by CN)

HELLO, MEGAN!

Man, I love Mama Canary! It’s a good thing she’s around or these kids would have been beyond repair after Failsafe, especially considering how Bats expected them to just be okay a week after that happened. Yeah, okay, Bats; did you get over your parents in a week? NO.

Also, I like seeing the character’s rooms and stuff! I wish it was actually canon that all the Team members had rooms at the Cave for late missions and stuff, but I’m not so sure they do. Oh, well, that’s what fanfiction is for, and I don’t see why they can’t at least have lots of extra rooms for the Team to stay in if they need to, at the very least. (the idea of the Cave being a home away from home for them all is quite appealing)

“Suuuure, any friend of Bruce Wayne’s!” Goddamnit, Wally!

Wait wait wait. Why does Conner say “Tt, not a fan.” when Batman brings up Queen Bee? Did Conner have some kind of run-in with her prior to this episode? I’ve read all the tie-in comics and I know the actual s1 episodes like the back of my hand and I’m pretty sure Conner never had a run-in with Queen Bee before this. ????

“Dude, you totally left me hangin’!” Dick, you can’t just leave a bro hanging like that, not even for your internal crisis!

But in all seriousness though, this is the first time Robin has been put in charge of a mission since the failsafe exercise... it’s no wonder he looks completely unhappy about it, considering all the things he said to Black Canary in that therapy session; he’s not ready to put himself in that kind of position of power again, not with what happened, not with the way he sacrificed his friends for the sake of the mission, as he put it. Ugh, poor child... and it becomes even worse when you realize just how much he still behaves like Batman in s2, but that’s another rant for another season. 

It’s also just nice to see a hint that the kids definitely still aren’t quite healed from Failsafe (probably never really did fully heal, tbh, I’m sure that stuck with them all for the rest of their lives).

“A border the Bialyans are in the process of ignoring.” (I just think Wally looks cute here :3)

STAMPEEEEEDE, STAMPEDE IN THE GORGE! (sorry, I couldn’t help myself)

Wally’s goggles are seriously so cool and one of my favorite things about him as a speedster, like he’s got cool high tech goggles that not even Barry or Bart or Jay have, but the sad thing is that he rarely utilizes them within the show. The only other times I can think of off the top of my head that involved Wally using the techy functions on his goggles were in Dropzone, this episode, the first part of the Museum Heist tie-in comic issue when he was with Barry, and the Gorilla Warfare tie-in comic issue.

Lol, poor naive Robin, thinking the Team can do stealth mode. 

Conner vs. wildebeest. Conner wins. Wildebeest needs a chiropractor.

“Mom, mom, mom! We were just saved by Robin and Kid Flash!” What a little fanboy omg.

“--admired your stance on animal rights for years!” “You’ve only been on Earth six months!”

Oh Megan.

Oh my god it’s like they were meant to be siblings, they’re both losers! <3

You ever get second-hand embarrassment for characters? Because I totally get that for poor Megs when she’s gushing about Hello Megan to Marie. :( It always makes me cringe a little.

“Woah, you still have VHS. Where’s your 8-track?” LMAO oh my god, Wally, so offended by their lack of up-to-date technology. XD

Jesus christ, Gar, how the shit did you get from the main house over to the barn that quick without anyone seeing you? Do you secretly already have animal powers or are you just a fast little shit?

“I told you there’d be consequences!” “Always.” :((((((

Holy shit, I NEVER noticed that there were droplets of blood spattered across the floor leading to Garfield’s bedroom! Like obviously he has blood on his face when they show him a moment later but I somehow never picked up on the fact that there was actually a freakin’ trail of it leading to his room. That’s pretty intense, wow. Poor kid.

Oh my god, so we all know about the Aqualad poster that Gar has hanging over his bed right? Well I just noticed that he also has a Robin poster that you can see beside Robin when Marie is asking if any of them are O-.

I like the animation on Robin’s hair here, not to mention the whole gesture he makes here is just very natural.

I like how they made the animation for Hello! Megan look kind of grainy compared to the show, to give it a little bit of that old video tape look.

“Oh yeah, pure coincidence.”

Glad to know at least Wally seems to find the situation rather amusing, look at those facial expressions, LMAO.

“Ugh, I still remember the headache from the last time he brain blasted us!” Come on, Wally, quit pretending like the only thing you REALLY remember isn’t all that quality time you spent with the beautiful blonde you found unconscious in the desert. You know, girl that goes by the name of Artemis that you have a huge gross crush on but are too afraid to admit because you’re scared of your own feelings for her? THAT girl? (I had to slip some Spitfire in here, leave me alone)

I honestly think Megs looks pretty badass, and I like that they keep the little red criss cross going across her chest just to further identify her in this particular form. 

Aww, poor boys. That was rude Megs T_T

A+ voice acting from Megan’s VA when she says “No, please, stop...”. Also for the “You don’t know me at all!” Yesss, that fierceness!

And thus Psimon is the first victim of M’gann’s later delve into the dark waters in s2. >.<

“Gee, Bruce Wayne sure got here fast, almost like he kne--” “Don’t you have a souvenir to collect or something?” LOL

“Something you’d like to tell us?” Wally quit being so sassy.

“Blad M’gann. Still hot.” I... really don’t know whether to say that’s sweet or not, Wally. LMAO (what a horndog)

Aaaand, blackmail. :(