#TRYING OUT THE WHOLE. TELLING PEOPLE ON TUMBLR IM POSTING ON AO3 THING. WORKING ON IT.

[desceros]

jazz hands happy spring everyone!! it's march 1 for me and you know what thaaaat means :D #tmntspringshellebration

ataraxia (link to ao3 here) 12k

It feels different this year, he thinks, looking down at his scarred hands as they tremble.

f!reader, rated e. mating season, smut, turtle anatomy, feelings realization, established relationship, bit of breeding kink, touch of yandere tendencies. part of my villain donnie au!

[antimony-medusa]

heyy im thinking of joining ao3 with my works, but they’re not fanfics, they’re original writings. do you think it would still get accepted/viewed by folks? bc from what i see on tumblr it sounds like ao3 is mostly engaged with fanfic, i could be wrong but thats what it sounds like lol

Ohhh, original works on Ao3 my beloved.

Okay so there are two general baskets of Original Works, and one is "everything original people are putting on Ao3", and one is the one that people do in exchanges, where people sign up to write relationships like "Teen Who Is Turning Into A Werewolf & Her Sister" or "Retired General/His Arranged Marriage Spouse Who Was Formerly The Enemy General".

In my experience people broadly speaking do not really find the stuff in the first basket on Ao3. I'm in the tag right now and a lot of these works have very low hits. The stuff in the Second basket, which is things tagged interestingly enough that they catch people's eye, with a fun high concept— maybe? Some of these works clearly have a following!

Okay so there are 286,322 works in the Original Works tag, with something like over a hundred works posted a day, and there are not hundreds of people hovering in the tag looking for whatever gets posted, because honestly, like half of it is people posting vent fic. The spectrum of quality varies WILDLY, like it does in any big tag, and there is a lot of stuff that is people just starting out. Also a lot of it is people writing niche porn. Original Work is a very horny tag. So you have to find a way to rise into people's vision.

And this HAS been done— I'm subscribed to two people on Ao3 specifically because I loved their original works, I have an original work that's sitting at 200 kudos, there's an 86k novel I read in chapter updates last year that updated on fridays where I was like "ohhh it's friday it's jewel day" for ages and it's sitting at almost 2k kudos. I have read a published novel that started as an OW on Ao3, though I can't find the title now. But again, this is the stuff that rises to the top of the 286k fics in the tag, this is not everything. So how do you rise to the top and get seen?

My first advice is luring people over from another source. So if you already have a following from other fic, some people might follow you to original works? And then if it's GOOD, they'll stick around. This is the equivalent of "this romance author I liked is trying thrillers— I might try it?" So not everybody is gonna follow you, but some might. And if you already have people following your blog where you talk about your writing on Tumblr, you can say "check it out on Ao3", and people will head on over!

And then my second advice is that if you tag and do the summary interestingly, people might click when they see you. But you have like 2 seconds to catch people's attention, so how do you maximize that?

A) if do your relationship in an interesting way that tells people something, that helps. "Original Male Character/Original Male Character" just tells me it's M/M. "Supervillain Working As A Barista/Flirty Superhero With A Caffeine Addiction" tells me a LOT more. If you can cram your whole story concept into 100 words there, you can do a lot to hook people.

B) same as you do for any fic on Ao3— your summary and tags written in an interesting way. This is the equivalent of having interesting cover copy in a bookstore— why would people want to pick up your story? Certainly not if you say "this is kinda bad but please read it", they'll put it right back. But if you say "Alice is a woman on the run from the mafia with a dark secret— she's slowly turning into a vampire. Can she find a community, learn how to feed herself without endangering her soul, and maybe even find a girlfriend or two before her past catches up with her?" Well then people know what your story is about and are much more interested.

C) you don't want to become that person with a wall of tags nobody reads, but if you do tag the right tags so that you show up in OTHER tags people might be searching: if I find your fic when I'm looking for "asexual character" or "alternate universe - high school" or "meet-cute" or "fluff and angst" or "open/bittersweet ending", or alternately, a lot of really specific porn tags, and you've made your summary and relationship and tags interesting, I might click through.

And then my third advice is to do exchanges. A LOT of exchanges do include an Original Works component, and if you can write short stories, you can lure people into reading your work because you're writing "Lonely God & Baby Abandoned On Their Altar" or Lighthouse Keeper/Siren Trying To Wreck Ships" or something, because people DO click around exchanges reading the original works because they're fun and there aren't 286 of them, there are 12 of them in an exchange. If you like writing for a challenge, you can get people to read your work if you write it for an event.

So I'm not an expert in either original works or getting my work seen, I am not good at search engine optimization, but that is some stuff I have seen other people doing. Good luck!

[judjira]

heyo it is ur friendly neighborhood joo !

it has been Quite A While since i last posted anything, whether on tumblr or ao3, but worry not! i am not dead yet, and i have no plans on being dead. i've been stuck for a while on writing, but i'll get to that in a bit.

for some reason, now that it's the end of the year, i took a moment to sit down and really just think about things, and i've come to one conclusion.

god, 2024 really sucked for me.

now, i know mindless rants and thought dumps like this aren't why you follow me or anything, but honestly, this is a writing blog, so i'm going to write. if you don't like that, boohoo (jk feel free to stop reading and go send that ask about when im going to update (fic) haha)

a lot of my friends like to say i give main character vibes, and that's not me boasting. genuinely i wonder what it is they see in me that makes them think that. maybe it's the way i tell stories about what happened to me, or how i can manage to keep up a conversation and seem like an extrovert, or just genuinely the way i live my life.

for context, i'm a freelancer doing events and theater, which means i have really, really strange work hours, and even stranger income. i suppose, to someone else, my life seems cool, leaving for work at 11 pm, going to different cities for shows, getting to meet celebrities in the industry and whatnot. and yeah, if i didn't work in this industry, i'd think that's pretty cool too.

but i do work in this industry. and god does it suck so bad. i try a lot to find the reasons why i keep doing my job, and it happens a lot like this:

i do a gig with a lot of hiccups, problems in management, toxic people, underperformance, and i consider quitting. then, something really great happens at the end, and i gaslight myself into ignoring my imposter syndrome and i keep working, waiting for another job.

so it's a lot like someone only giving me food when i'm desperately starving, just enough to keep me going for one day.

do i enjoy it? hell no. is it worth it? somehow, for some reason, at the end of it all, yes.

but the one thing i really don't like about it all is how it's affected my personal relationships. i take all responsibility for the way i act and the way i behave, but i'd be a liar if i said my workplace didn't influence me the way it did.

this year has been so full of ups and downs with my parents, my siblings, my girlfriend, my friends. i feel like, somehow, in gaining independence for myself financially, i somehow realized in the first place what i was so dependent on in my relationships. which sucks.

and to make it full circle, another thing i really don't like about it is how it's taken me away from my favorite hobby, which is writing.

i have missed out on writing for so long that it physically pains me sometimes that i'm away from my laptop and clicky keyboard, unable to pour my heart out onto some weird ass twice fic that barely anyone's gonna read. it might seem shallow to someone else, hell, probably to most people, but damn if writing isn't the one thing i come back to each and every year.

which, i think, brings me to my next point, which is i think i have to apologize for not being so active. i've made a lot of promises that i haven't been able to keep with my fics, and i have so many drafts that haven't seen the light of day. and i don't think it's just you people who read my fics that i have to apologize to, but also myself. i think i took writing too seriously and ended up having it weigh down on me more than it should have.

the whole point of this damn thing is to have fun, and to make sure other people have fun, and i don't think i've been having a lot of fun recently, honestly.

so, yeah. an apology. to you guys. and to myself. i think. im a fuckin weirdo.

but yeah, that's it for this rant. if you made it to the end, congrats! i'll be posting a s'agapo update soon, and i'm also working on the next out of bounds. after that, god knows what i'm updating. i'm gonna stop lying to myself and saying that i have an update plan when in reality i just write whatever's on my mind.

anyway, thanks for reading, and i hope you all have a very happy new year. love ya

[betweenthings2]

hello!!! warning you now that this is going to be the longest thing ever because i’m allergic to being concise but it’s finally time for me to actually send you an ask to gush and discuss your incredible writing. i’ve been interacting with your work on ao3 and tumblr for over a year now and i just lurk and heart everything because i refuse to use tumblr how it’s intended to be used🫣 but it’s time to show my face (even though this is anonymous oops) and say the quality of your writing is genuinely unparalleled to anything else i’ve ever read online and dare i say it comes close to/ overtakes some of the published books i’ve read and loved. you are such a talent it drives me crazy. you’ve quite literally spoiled fanfiction for me because i’ll read something for a different fandom and think “ugh it’s good but it’s not betweenthings2😔😔😔”

i saw you answer an ask a while ago asking what your goal for writing is and you said something along the lines of wanting to move people with your work. when i saw that it made me smile because you’ve achieved it ten times over and im worried you don’t realise it!!! so im going to tell you about my experience reading Roadkill for the first time (side note but in my opinion this is your best and therefore most underrated piece and i would love to talk about it further)

i remember being at a cafe that day by myself having a little drink and sweet treat and getting the email notification that you’d posted something to ao3 and nearly dying from anticipation for the rest of the day because i knew i wouldn’t do the fic justice to just quickly read it in a noisy cafe. it would be a waste of art. so in the evening i lied to my parents that i had plans with friends and wouldn’t be home for dinner and instead walked to the park near my house with a block of chocolate and sat on a park bench in the slightly-chilly-but-still-nice-out australian dusk. trust me i remember it so vividly because it’s like a core memory for me now. i’d been going through a really tough time mentally and felt super disconnected from everything and everyone. when i tell you i read all 35k words in one sitting and wept like a baby. i’m a very emotional girl dont get me wrong but the release that your writing made me feel was something so special that i’d never felt before. the whole piece is so devastating and confronting and just misery but it made me feel so seen and whole and human. if i could describe your writing in one word i think it would be human. everything is always raw and vulnerable and messy but so tender it just makes me insane. i sat in that park and cried for such a long time and even though the whole experience was so heavy and i could feel the grief you manufactured in my gut i left that park feeling lighter and grounded. i think that’s how anyone would feel after witnessing such greatness. (side note but i’ve actually banned myself from re-reading roadkill for the minute because it makes me lose my mind a bit too much but that’s just a further testament to you. can’t wait to get back to my scripture later on)

your other fics on ao3 and perfect as well and i read Second Letter From St Julian, All This Barley Getting By, I Forget A Lot Of Things But I’ll Never Forget You and Me And You vs Them religiously. they are my comfort fics through and through🩷 maybe the hyper fixation has gone too deep for me but when i’m trying to fall asleep i use the plots of your fics to expand on in my head and it’s just the perf combination to lull me to sleep.

now for imo the main event of this ask- i need to tell you the extreme and life threatening brainrot THIS specific line from Of Bouquets And Back Rubs has given me.

"Sorry," Matty apologizes.

George sighs, but doesn't stop. "I'm going to start talking to your therapist if you keep apologizing for things you don't need to apologize for," he says.

what the hell. you can’t just write that and expect my whole world to not revolve around it for the rest of my life. that line ping pongs around my head at all times. at work, in the shower, when i’m on a walk, when i’m laying in bed, it’s literally always on my mind. i don’t know why but i just thought you should know that’s it’s STUCK with me. like i’m truly affected. (if you ever wanted to expand on it you know you have at least one devoted fan of the idea)

hopefully this will be my first of many asks because it’s so nice to finally tell you how deeply in love i am with your words. to hold me accountable i’ll claim the matcha emoji 🍵 if that’s something you do!!!!

i just realised i didn’t tell you how your prompts make me melt but they do and i wouldn’t survive the commute to tafe without them. just little bites of pure literature you spoil us so much.

thanks for giving me something to lurk on and obsess over- it’s been an honour🩷 (also ps i wonder if you can figure out who this is based on the freaky amount of times i heart your posts. someone has to sit me down and explain that this isn’t instagram🤕)

Hi, newly christened Matcha Anon!! =)

I meant to answer this yesterday, but I just kept reading through it and being so incredibly touched and blown away by all of your kind words that I didn't entirely have a response, but I think I do now. I will also be long.

First of all, I am so touched (and a little surprised) that you find my writing to be on par with published novels, so thank you so much, that is such an amazing compliment!!! I can't believe I've spoiled you for fic. I'm getting back into the swing of things now that I'm home, so I'll have more fic for you soon.

I'm also so glad to hear that I've creating something moving. Sometimes I think I take things a little too seriously, particularly writing fic, but I'm thrilled to hear that you find my work moving. This will be stuck in my head forever:

"it would be a waste of art."

Roadkill was a lot to write because it gets so bleak and some of me is in there, but I'm so moved by your experience of reading it and honored that you would share it. That's my goal, generally--to create catharsis. And to see my fanfic called greatness? Oh my god. Oh my god. I have no words other than oh my god and thank you so, so much!!

I'm thrilled to see that Of Bouquets and Backrubs resonated with you, particularly that bit of dialogue. That whole fic was a little bit last minute, to be entirely honest and I was working so hard to make it fluffy, rather than angsty. I might expand on that fic in the future, but I also really like how it ended. Who knows what will happen. I don't.

I'm also so happy that you like the prompts! I think they're really fun to write and very low stakes for me. Apologies for not having a more regular schedule for posting anything, but there's no way I could keep that up for more than a week or two. I would explode.

Thank you so much for all the compliments and reading what I write!!! 💚💚💚

[himbos-hotline]

hey! while it’s disheartening and sucks to get hate comments, you should try to remember that the fics you write should be purely for your enjoyment. it’s stuff you like and want to share with the world, and some people find it and end up liking it a lot! you’d be surprised how many people probably read your fics and love it but don’t say anything bc they’re shy. unfortunately, there are a lot of hateful people on the internet and they will do anything to try and bring you down. you should try your best to ignore it (i know you probably don’t wanna hear this but it’s true). another way to get rid of hate is turn off anon on tumblr, if anyone sends you hate after then you can block them. you can also restrict comments on ao3. if you ever get a hate comment on ao3, you can also block or remove (i think) the comment. trust me, there are a lot of people who LOVE your work. just continue doing what you love. if you have haters, they’re most likely just jealous or miserable people. sorry for the long note, hope your day is good!

anon this is gonna sound really mean and I am PROMISING that it isnt, but I kinda just, need to reply to little bits of this message like were having a convo and im not arguing, im just..tired of being told the same thing [again not mad, clarifying stuff]

you should try to remember that the fics you write should be purely for your enjoyment

yes I know that, so is people baking or drawing. but if someone gets told "this cake kinda sucks." or "your drawing is wrong." they seem to be allowed to get upset but with writing its just "well youre writing for yourself!" Yeah, I know that and I am. But if I was writing for myself, I wouldnt be sharing it. People wouldnt be requesting it. if it was just for me. I wouldnt have an ao3 account. im writing for ME but im posting and sharing for other people, the people who ask for said fics, people who are my friends, people who like the ships, the fandom cuz fandoms simply do not exist without fanworks, not creations. were not getting paid for this. AT ALL! Like you cant do fic commissions cuz youre just sitting fanfic and fandom culture back YEARS AND YEAR.

I am writing for me, why do writers always get that? why is it never "but youre editing for yourself" or "youre making gifs for yourself" or "well you are drawing for you."

and end up liking it a lot! you’d be surprised how many people probably read your fics and love it but don’t say anything bc they’re shy.

Please get over that shyness. Thats what anons are for, thats for like guest comments are for on ao3. thats what reblogs and nice tags are for. thats for recommending fics on PUBLIC spaces, not discord servers youve made privately. Please tell fanfic authors that you like their fics, please leave comments and draw fanart or whatever you want to do just share it with us! because otherwise writers are going to feel unloved and lost and NOT write anymore and then fandom spaces will, im sorry die cuz the whole point of fandom is we inspire each other, we lift each other up!

im sorry for ranting back at you anon, this ask was really sweet but there was just points that I had to put out, things I had to say because it gets kinda draining being treated differently as a writer than say an artist. Its just like if I drew, like really instead of once or twice a year. People wouldnt be going "youre drawing for yourself." also just the weird diconnect between like, people who write and other people who are making things in fandoms is upsetting because it takes so much work, so much dedication.

like sometimes it feels like people forget that me personally, am disabled and chronically ill. Im currently fighting off pheumonia, ive just gotten out of a very abusive and manipulative relationship where him not liking my writing was a big way he would control what I would do. writing is harder than what it should be right now. But I do love writing, I adore getting requests and every nice comment I get I reguarly go back to read and it means so so so much

[buckyarchives]

the trials and tribulations of getting Bucky Barnes a second date.

summary: Bucky hasn’t kissed someone since the 40s and he needs a little… practice.

words: 2.1k

tags/warnings: tooth rotting fluff, gender neutral reader, bucky being old and reader being horny

a/n: small drabble i posted on ao3 awhile ago. i need to post more on tumblr so here’s this.

read on AO3

—♡—

Boredom was going to eat you alive.

Bucky Barnes had fallen into a depression since his last date, it had probably been the tenth one this month because you and Sam were oh so determined to get James Buchanan Barnes back out into the dating scene. And the dating apps were definitely not working. So he opted out. Bucky came through the door of your shared empty apartment and declared he was destined to be alone and threw himself on the couch– and it seems he hasn't gotten back up since then.

“So like, Steve is an asshole.”

You hummed, eyes glued to the television screen. “Wait until you figure out that's not even his real name.”

“Jesus.”

Having been there on the whole failed-date-depression thing, you joined Bucky on the couch and decided to help him catch up with the 20th century. So you introduce him to netflix and your favorite series– shameless. It was trashy and loud and nothing like Bucky had ever seen. He described it as a train wreck that he couldn’t keep his eyes off. You agreed. He likes it.

Anyways, that was about 2 or 3 days ago, give or take. Sam had been texting and calling you both, in his words, to get off your lazy heartbroken asses before he had to come over and rip the television off the wall. Sam also texts you in big capital letters.

FIX HIM.

You scoff at the message and grab another piece of pizza from the coffee table. You glance at Bucky on the other side of the coach, lying parallel to you. His 5 o'clock shadow had grown darker, as well as the bags under his eyes. Bucky is wearing one of his many stupid red henley shirts and some sweatpants, your eyes travel down his body, and his foot is nudged between your side and the couch. You poke it. He flinches, Bucky’s a little ticklish. But don't tell anyone that.

“Alright, Buck.” You snatch the remote and pause the show. “What's your problem?” He looks offended, like he wasn't expecting this conversation at some point.

“I don't know what you’re talking about.” he sends a glare to you, the reflection from the tv makes his eyes glossy and bright. He looks pretty good, for being couch-ridden depressed. “You know what im talking about '' you snark back. Bucky turns, his face lands flat into a pillow. A muffled and pained-groan escaped his lips. Swiftly, you reach across the man's body and grab the pillow.

“Gimme that!” bucky reaches, but you’re quick.

“Not until we fix your… dating problem.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Jesus. You make it seem like I'm some loser.” he sits up, scooting to the edge of the couch. You tilt your head and give a teased look. He notices.

“I know, I know…'' Bucky trails off, eyebrows furrowed close as he dramatically falls back onto the couch. Pick a spot man. Bucky sighs and continues. “I just keep overthinking everything, like Steve always told me about how I used to be, y’know? That charming, romantic boy from brooklyn that swooned girls everywhere he went.”

You punch his shoulder softly, to lighten the mood? You were so not going to let Bucky go all doctor raynor therapy sessions on you, especially over your pizza. “Dude, don't brag.”

“Seriously,” bucky says your name, seriously. “I've come to face the fact, that boy is gone. But, i just overthink, and it gets awkward and then they start nagging me about me and my past–”

“Nope!” you interject. “That is not nagging, buck. That's called getting to know your date.”

“And, we had the talk about if you were going to try dating that mean having to tell people about your past.” you speak, matter-of-factly, your finger pokes his chest.

“Whatever. I just tense up and get nervous, it's hard talking to people. It’s not like you or sam!” he waves his hands around, motioning to you. Your mouth opens to say something, but nothing comes out. You close your mouth. “Its just so stupid, dating is so different now. When did getting flowers become... weird?”

bucky looks confused, you could have sworn that sam and sharon gave him the run down on dating in the wonderful year of 2022. Guess not. “It's not weird, the standards have just gotten lower for men and dating.”

“More of a reason for me to be good at dating!”

“Oh poor you, old man!”

You throw his pillow back at him, Bucky grabs it before it hits his face. Almost, you thought. The room goes silent again, you lean back against the couch next to bucky. Your head turns to look at him, his eyes are shut. You take notice of his features, not your first time though. Your mind darts back to when he first came to the tower, when he was still recovering (i guess bucky still is recovering now) and barely spoke a word. But, you were, well– still are, a horrible insomniac and he had his night terrors that left him screaming awake. And Steve knew when he was awake and Bucky cared too much to keep Steve awake at night.

So, call it fate or call it a weird coincidence, you two found yourself in the commons room on late nights, which turned into sharing a bed. Two friends, sharing a bed to comfort each other. Totally platonic! And if the shoes fits. Bucky never had nightmares when he slept in your bed, maybe it was your brand of sheets? That was years ago and he still hasn’t told you that, maybe that was one of the reasons he agreed to buy an apartment with you.

Those nights, when you slept close to him (platonically!) you also, slept better and fell asleep much faster than normally. Which was a plus, but god– you could stare at him for hours. You wished to trance your finger along his jaw, or the curve of his nose, or maybe even just feel this skin on his cheek. You never indulged, you were scared you’d wake bucky and have to stop staring, is that creepy? Maybe, but he looked like he was sculpted by the gods so you’re sure they'd be very flattered knowing you were admiring their work. You’ve been doing that for years now and have yet to tell him about his beauty.

A quiet, breathy nose-laugh comes from bucky. You’re snapped from your thoughts and you see his eyes are open now. He didn't see you staring, did he?

“What?” you’re still looking at him. Bucky shakes his head, waving off your question.

You grab at his hand, the cold metal meeting your warm flesh, a comforting feeling. He doesn't flinch like he used to. You smile to yourself. “No! You can't do that and not tell me!”

“I can't say, really. It's kinda embarrassing.”

'`Oh?” you give him that look, that look that says ‘tell me or i'll cry.’ or maybe it's ‘tell me or i'll hurt you.’ whatever, it works.

“Don't give me that look, doll.” the nickname lulls off his tongue. You smile again. “Fine, okay. It's just… this last date. She– uh, she tried to kiss me and she was so close and i got nervous and tensed up, i panicked, really. Because i dont think ive actually kissed anyone since, well, the 40s.”

Your mouth gapes open. You don't mean to, really, but damn. No wonder he can't get a second date, the old man is practically a 13 year old boy when it comes to girls. Bucky glances over to you and sees your face. He screws his eyes shut in embarrassment and goes back to head in pillow mode. Maybe you'll tease him a bit more. “Buck, your virginity has practically grown back by now.”

“Oh, will you stop with that.” he playful smacks your leg. You laugh to yourself. And bucky swears he felt just a little bit lighter. Just a smidge.

Bucky sits back up again. Seriously pick a position to lay! He looks at you. Shifts his weight, shifting closer to you. He lays his head on your shoulder. You loved it when he did that.

“I'm never going to get laid.” he jokes, is he joking? You both laugh.

“You are shit out of luck, bucky.”

Suddenly, you had an idea. One that would go terribly wrong or terribly right. Maybe even wonderfully right.

You gulped. “Hey, bucky?”

He hums. bucky turned to look at you and you almost, just almost backed out on this very stupid and slightly self-indulgent idea. “I have an idea, to help you… get out of your shell. You can say no and hate it or me, and walk away and be mad at me for even suggesting this but…” you trailed off, slightly fiddling with your hands. Bucky's eyes brows furrowed slightly as he gave you a confused look.

“You can kiss… me. If you want, just to get you out of your shell, you know? And to make you more comfortable with the whole motion… of kissing.. Someone, anyone.” you keep talking, rambling. God, you need to stop talking. Finding the right words seemed so impossible. This idea sounded much better in your head, you fiddle with your fingers more.

He doesn't respond. Fiddle with fingers more. You screw your eyes shut and expect him to get up off the couch, finally, and be depressed in his room.

Bucky thinks for a moment, sucks in his lip. “Sure.”

Your eyes shoot open. ”what?”

Fuck, fuck, fuck–

“Only if you're comfortable with it, sure.” Bucky said. It was your turn to panic now, had you really thought this through? Did you really want to do this? Spoiler, yes you did. But you really didn’t think he’d actually agree to this, you assumed he’d say no and you two would, hopefully, just laugh it off and continue watching shameless.

“Doll? You okay in there?’ he smiled at you like this idea wasn’t crazy.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. Just thinking..” you stopped yourself from speaking out your thoughts. You faced him. “You really wanna do this?”

Bucky just nodded and moved to face you. His eyes landed on you and just like that, a flip switched and you couldn't stop the word vomit.

“Seriously, I don't want to force you to do this or make you uncomfortable, also I really don’t want this to change anything between us, you know? Because i really like being your friend and if this jeopardized it that would be really bad-”

“Just shut up and let me kiss you.”

Then, suddenly. His lips slant against yours and bucky swears he’s in heaven. Swears that you're an angel. Bucky's hand instantly grabbed the back of your neck to quickly close the gap between you two. You sat there still under his grasp for a second, before snapping back to life and slowly beginning to kiss back. You'd never imagined being in this position years ago, hell even 30 minutes ago. Your hands raised to the sides of his face, this moment was so sensual and sweet it could rot your teeth. Bucky's lips were so warm and soft against yours, this felt like heaven. His tongue grazed your lips, you let him in and soon he danced in your mouth. It was all too sweet and hot. You had to cherish this moment while you could because this could, and probably, will be the only time you get to kiss him.

Pulling away slowly, your eyes made contact instantly. Surprise and… lust, flashed in Bucky's eyes. You were both breathing heavily and you glanced at his lips, they were pink and wet, even a little swollen. He had yet to say anything and it was getting harder to resist going in again. He sucked his bottom lip in and his eyes shot to your lips for a moment.

“Fuck it.” you breathed out.

And you dove into him, pushing him down onto the couch so you were on top of him as you connected your lips again. Your hands latched around his neck as he gripped your waist, pulling you even closer into him. The kiss was more aggressive this time, his hands were all over you as you started to trail yours down bucky's body, feeling how solid his chest was under his henley shirt.

“It's always been you.” bucky pulls away just far enough to murmur against your lips. Your body feels incredible hot. “I just wanted you.”

the world went quiet, your brain short-circuited and all you could focus on was his icy eyes and his hands holding your face. Was this a confession? or were you dreaming? oh my god. your mouth gaped open slightly.

“you’re telling me we could have done this months ago?”

Bucky's eyes crinkled and he laughed. you feel like you're on fire. and he dips down again.

[tangledstarlight]

oh all of this silence and patience (oh im pining in anticipation)

listen it’s still august in some timezones so this totally counts as posting something in august okay? okay! i hope people like this, it took me far too long to finish, but also special shoutout to the wonderful @ourstarscollided​ who really helped me with the whole first section of this fic, without her i truly would still be working on it, so thank you eunice, you’re the best!💜 okay enjoy! 

the first firefighter!luke fic for anyone who wants to read that first, though it can be read alone: ao3 / tumblr

also on ao3!

lil disclaimer: i’m still not a firefighter and i also know that they dont use fire poles anymore but lets just ✨pretend✨ for the visual okay. this takes place between part 4 and 5 in the original fic!

trigger warnings! lots of swearing, implied sexual content.

RATED T –– there’s no graphic scenes but there’s a lot of kissing and fading to black, so rating might change if anyone needs me to 😬

Word count: 6,072

“Look who it is!”

Julie feels a grin pull up on the corners of her mouth as she spots Luke’s station captain coming around the end of one of the fire trucks Julie is walking between, sending her a wave of the clipboard she’s holding. “You’re here early.”

“Yeah, class ended early and I thought I'd pop over to see if I could get some extra time with Luke,” Julie shrugs, holding up the pale grey burlap bag that Alex had packed their food into.

And there’s a sympathetic look that crosses over Harrison’s face, because she knows that the younger woman knows she’s in charge of Luke’s shifts and the reason why Julie comes over every Tuesday to have lunch with her boyfriend.

Because that’s why she was here. To have lunch with him like she did every Tuesday between her classes and when the fires of LA would allow. Sometimes Alex would text her to stop by to pick up a packed lunch for them, sometimes she made something herself, sometimes they just ordered in. The food wasn’t really the point, it was just getting to spend some time together. Julie had never really thought about it before, but there was always something, someone, somewhere, trapped or hurt or on fire. Luke was a very busy person, and it meant sometimes their lunches got interrupted by blaring alarms and him pressing a quick kiss to her lips before rushing off.

Tuesdays were apparently very busy days for a firefighter.

“What’s the master chef prepared for you this week then?” Harrison asks, crossing her arms and clipboard across her chest and lifting one brow, “Y’know Alex used to cook for us, he’d send Luke in every Saturday he was on shift with all sorts of goodies.”

Julie bites her lip to try not to laugh at the exaggerated sigh that leaves the older woman's lips as she shakes her head sadly. There was something about Vivian Harrison that just— put people at ease. The first time Julie had officially met her there had been a warm hug and teasing remarks and there was just something that had viscerally reminding Julie of her aunt Victoria that it was kind of impossible not to like the station captain after that.

“He was pretty busy so it’s just some sandwiches,” she wrinkles her nose a little before smiling, “I’ll tell him how much you’re missing his cooking though, I’m sure the blame will fall completely on Luke.”

Harrison laughs, and tilts her head slightly as she shrugs, “That boy of yours is just very easy to blame.”

She feels a sudden flush to her cheeks at ‘that boy of yours’ that she hopes can be played off by how warm it always is in the station. She can see Harrison’s lips twitching, like she’s about to say something teasing, but Julie is saved from it by two people walking past them and a change of mind.

“Morales, can you tell Patterson his lunch is here.”

“Sure thing Cap,” one of the guys says, shooting her a wide smile that Julie feels compelled to return quickly before he’s rushing off, past the fire engines and up some stairs. And Julie’s about to ask Harrison if they’ve been busy today and if she’d found time to visit the farmers market they’d talked about last time, but another voice interrupts, and Julie hadn’t even realised the other guy hadn’t followed his friend.

“So you’re Patterson’s girl, right?” The blonde asks, eyes scanning her up and down in a way that makes her want to hide behind someone. There’s something vaguely familiar about him, probably because she’s seen him in passing for the last couple of months but never talked to him. Which wouldn’t have been weird if most of the other people in the station hadn’t introduced themselves the first time Luke had invited her to one of their station parties, and made an effort to talk to her whenever she'd stopped by since.

“Yeah, I’m Julie,” she smiles politely, trying to put emphasis on her name. She doesn't mind being known as Luke's girl by people at the station who have actually made an effort to get to know her. 

“Right, right, nice to meet you Julie. I’m Nick, I’m sure Luke’s mentioned me,” he grins, teeth showing and shoulders pulling back like he’s expecting her to — what? Clap? A small furrow works its way between her brows as Nick starts up a conversation without even waiting for her response and she suddenly understands what Luke means about him. Because he has mentioned the condescending, stereotypical blonde frat boy before, and never in a good way. It was mostly followed by some very creative swear words and a mumbled ‘he’s going to get either himself or one of us really hurt one day’.

She tries to follow along with the conversation, nodding politely and laughing whenever Harrison forces one out, but Nick only seems interested in talking about himself, and normally she can feign interest, but right now all she wants is to talk to one person in particular.

There’s the sound of too many voices heading in their direction and Julie turns around, eyes searching for one person, but all she’s met with is a collection of firefighters she vaguely knows and tries not to let her disappointment show too clearly on her face.

“Wow Molina, don’t look so excited to see us!” An elbow nudges her side and Julie glances up to see Carrie Wilson has appeared in the place that Nick had just stood, eyebrows raised and a blinding smile as the other blonde frowns from behind her, still trying to carry on his conversation.

“No! I am glad to see you all it’s just—” Julie starts, eyes a little wide as she looks at the other girl because Carrie had only ever been nice to her, but Luke had a lot of stories about the blonde being ruthless and rude to people she was mildly inconvenienced by.

(One of Luke’s favourite stories was about Carrie loudly telling some girl that Nick was flirting with how he had used the same lines on her two months before. Luke told it every chance he could get, sparing no details on the look of horror that has taken over Nick’s face.)

“You’re here for Patterson,” Carrie cuts her off with a wink, elbow nudging her lightly again, “Don’t worry, we all know. He should be down soon.” There’s something about how she says it that raises more questions than answers for Julie, furrow between her brows and mouth opening to comment when Carrie just nods her head behind her, and Julie turns around to spot Luke.

It’s impossible, Julie knows it’s impossible, but she could swear time slows down. Like she’s in some rom-com movie where the main character sees their love interest for the first time.

Only she’s not in a film, she’s stood next to a fire engine and trying to care about what the people around her are talking about and it’s far from the first time she’s seen the love interest. But the world still feels like it’s in slow motion all the same as she looks up as Luke calls her name from the second floor, grinning at her from over the banister and holding up one hand in that universal signal for ‘wait’.

And Julie waits, not that she could really do anything else with the firehouse blurring at the edges and Nick's voice fading into the background. Focus entirely on Luke.

She’s never seen someone slide down the pole before, didn’t even know that they still used them in firehouses, but Julie’s pretty sure it shouldn’t be as hot as it is. Though, she supposes, it could just be Luke. His hand wraps around the metal and Julie swallows as her eyes are drawn to his arms, to where his top pulls tight and his forearms are on show. If this was a film, there’d be some stereotypical song about sex playing in the background right about now. All her slightly hazy brain can supply is the chorus to Lady Marmalade on repeat. His legs wrapped around the pole, ankles crossed and thighs pressed together, comes into view as he slides down the metal, all cool and in control, and Julie's throat goes dry.

She knows how much strength it takes to slide down a pole. Her and Flynn had taken a few pole dancing classes a few years ago in an attempt to add some sort of exercise into their day. Julie can still remember how much her arms ached and the bruises that littered the insides of her thighs after even the simplest of moves.

It was hard, and Luke was making it look so easy.

His feet hit the ground, and even though she’s too far away to actually hear it, she’s pretty sure they must make some sort of thudding sound. Because that’s what happens, right? You slide down the pole and your feet hit the floor with a thud that shows you’re ready for action. Only Luke isn’t going off to put on his uniform and fight a fire or save a life.

He’s walking towards her, suspenders swaying and smile widening and eyes never leaving her face.

And look, she knows that she’s seen Luke fully naked, fresh out of a shower or panting on his back. But seeing him slide down that fucking pole in his white t-shirt, suspenders by his knees and hair a mess? Hottest thing she has ever seen. And he knows it if the way his teeth sink into his bottom lip as he gets closer is anything to go by.

“How long did it take you to practice all that, Patterson?” Carrie asks, and Julie can hear the teasing tone in her voice and would normally enjoy seeing Luke stammer and blush, but right now she’s the one feeling too warm and is pretty sure if she started speaking right now all that would come out would be a high pitched noise.

“About the same amount of time it takes you to do your hair,” is his easy reply and Julie watches as Carrie rolls her eyes, hair flipping over her shoulder, and because he’s momentarily not looking at her, Julie tries to pull her thoughts together. To get a hold of herself. This is not the first time she has seen him in his uniform, she has seen in him in far less, and she will not turn into a blushing mess right now!

“Alright you lot, back to work!” Harrison interrupts before anyone can say anything else, and everyone starts walking away, some nudging Luke as they go, some giving her a wave, and she thinks she must smile back, at least she hopes she does. Her brain is still very much focused on Luke and how his thighs probably looked coming down that pole without the heavy duty trousers. “You tell Alex I’m still a fan of the flapjack he makes,” Harrison says as she walks past, dropping an eye into a wink and giving Luke a look she doesn’t understand.

A tense smile pulls at Julie’s lips that she hopes comes across as genuine and not just her unable to speak because of her incredibly hot and infuriatingly knows it boyfriend.

“You alright, Jules? Looking a little flushed, need me to get one of the EMT’s?” Luke asks, all innocence and anything but subtle as he rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet, teeth still chewing on his damn lip.

“Just—” she clears her throat, trying to glare up at him, but already knowing it’s ruined by the heat in her cheeks and how she can’t stop staring at his arms. God, she hasn’t been this distracted by his arms since their first date. Blowing out a breath, Julie drags her eyes away from where his arms are crossed across his chest — which, she’s like, 80% sure he’s doing on purpose right now, the little shit — and up to his face just as he raises an eyebrow at her.

“It’s just a little warm,” she finally manages to get out, raising her hand that’s clutching the reusable grocery bag too tight, “Alex sent me with lunch.”

Luke’s eyes light up at the mention of Alex and food, hands dropping from his chest to eagerly reach for the bag and Julie can’t help but giggle at how quickly he can switch from cocky to cute.

“Swee-et! Alex is best,” he grins down at her, drawing out the first syllable of the word and bobbing his head at her. “You wanna eat outside?”

Julie doesn’t respond, just nods her head and links her fingers through his empty hand, letting Luke lead her out of the fire station and to the little grassy area outside. There’s already a blanket on the ground, two bottles of water and a warmth spreads through her for a different reason as Luke pulls her down to the ground and spreads out the food Alex has given them.

They get an hour.

An hour to eat lunch and curl up together to talk and giggle and try to keep their hands visible at all times. It’s both her favourite and the most tortuous hour of her week so far. And Luke’s just leaning in to whisper something in her ear, his breath against her cheek sending shivers down her spine when the alarm starts blaring from inside and his head drops to her shoulder with a sigh that mingles with her own groan.

“I gotta go,” he mutters into the fabric of her t-shirt, and she can imagine how his lips would feel brushing against her skin if they were somewhere else right now.

“I know,” she sighs and carefully moves her shoulder so he has to lift his head up, eyes apologetic as they meet hers. “Be careful?”

“Always am,” Luke smiles gently at her and then he’s getting up and leaving her on the blanket and feeling the loss. Julie watches him go, knees pulled up to her chest and blowing him a kiss when he turns around to wave one last time like he always does when the alarm inevitably ends their lunch date early.

Which normally Julie was fine with.

He was at work. He had a job. He had an important job.

Running out in the middle of lunch was fine. And it would have been fine today, if he hadn’t slid down that damn pole and filled her head with all sorts of ideas and left her fidgeting in her seat. It doesn’t help that Luke clearly knows, if the way he presses a kiss to her forehead and mutters a sorry, eyes a little wide and promises to see her later.

Which is all well and good, but Julie can’t help but feel like he did it on purpose and wonders if there’s a way for her to make him feel just as flustered as she had an hour earlier.

//

It takes her a while to form a plan of revenge, and then it takes a while longer for her to gather all the things she needs. And okay, maybe at some point she forgets why she’s doing all this, and then Luke mentions the pole at the station and how it makes his muscles ache sometimes as he says he’s going for a shower and Julie remembers the sight of him coming down and redoubles her planning.

The hard part comes when she has to pick a day. Because she can’t lure him to her house, not while her dad is working odd hours and her brother is home and Victoria still has a tendency to show up unannounced. Which leaves finding a time when his apartment is empty.

Not an easy feat when Reggie works from home part time, and can’t actually be trusted to stick to his word when he says he’ll be out and Alex has a weekend routine he’s hard pressed to change and likes to get home from work and relax. Plus she has to check when Luke isn’t working on a weekend, which turns out to be the easiest part, because it turns out Harrison really likes her and was happy to schedule Luke a weekend off when she asked.

Sure, she could have enacted her plan while one or both of them were home too but, well Julie knows the boys are all very close, and she knows that they’ve accepted her into the closeness with welcome arms. But she’s not sure she wants to have sex while they’re eating leftover lasagna down the hall. Feels a little too close for her liking. Plus, she has a plan that might end up involving their bath and she’s not sure they’d want to be there for that.

So Julie bides her time. Changes her mind on what clothes she wants and practices different poses on her bed at night and drops little hints about a weekend alone together.

Alex makes plans first, announces that he’s going with Willie to an out of state kids skateboarding competition to help cheer on Willie’s little proteges. He makes a big deal out telling them all the dates and how they had plans to go to some couples spa on their way back and how his restaurant would be ‘more than happy to supply any meals for two that you two might want’.

It had gone over Luke’s head, just nodding and asking about the competition. But Julie had gotten the hint.

And then a few days later Reggie said he had ‘big plans’ with her dad and brother of all people. He’d said it one afternoon when she’d stopped by to see Luke before his week of night shifts, how they were going to go camping so her dad could take some photos for a project and Reggie could teach Carlos to fish, and then he’d dropped his eye in a dramatic wink when she’d asked if that was the same weekend Alex was also away.

(Julie knew that she probably should have found it a little weird how often Reggie seemed to talk and hang out with her family, but the first time she’d gotten home to find him sitting at the dining room table, helping her dad edit photos and offering to order pizza, had felt strangely right.

Like he had always been a part of their family.

Luke had asked her once, a few weeks after they first started dating if it was okay. If she didn’t mind that Reggie had seemed to attach himself to her family. He never explicitly said anything, but she’d known him long enough by then to see the hints, the secrets she wasn’t aware of yet. Of lonely childhoods and something lacking. The hints that he’d found that with her family. And even if she hadn’t been fine with it already, she wasn’t about to stop Reggie. The Molina’s had never been shy about taking in lost souls.)

So apparently she hadn’t been quite as subtle as she thought she’d been with her hints. Both boys clearly conspiring to get her a weekend alone with their best friend. Julie’s just glad that Luke clearly hasn’t noticed. Or if he hadn’t, hadn’t teased her about it.

And that their apartment is empty when she uses her key to let herself in on Friday evening, Hotdog already waiting by the shoes for Luke, head tilted as she looks up mewling softly in disappointment.

“Sorry sweetie, he’ll be home soon though,” Julie mummers, bending down to scratch behind the cat's ears before stepping out of her shoes, which Hotdog happily moves to sit on top of instead. “Be sure to make a big fuss when he gets in so I know, alright?”

Hotdog doesn’t respond, just fixes her eyes back on the front door to wait for Luke, and Julie moves further into the apartment, laughing quietly at the plate of brownies Alex or Willie have clearly left out for them on the counter, blushing slight as she reads the short message scrawled on a post-it note,

‘Don’t mess up my kitchen ;)’

She tries not to let herself think too hard or long about how clearly they all knew about her grand plans for the night. And the next day, and hopefully the whole weekend if things went according to plan.

Picking up the plate on her way through the kitchen, Julie shrugs out of her coat to leave on the back of one of the kitchen stools, because if Luke missed her shoes in the hall, he won't miss this, and she’s really hoping he’ll get the hint to head towards his bedroom. By the time she’s made it to Luke’s room she’s lifted the cellophane off the plate and taken a bite from one of the brownies. Definitely Willie who’d baked them, he was always doubling up the chocolate content. Where Alex was experimental in the kitchen, Willie was a traditionalist who believed chocolate was the best way to set a mood. Julie couldn’t really fault his logic as she moves into Luke’s room.

His room looks the same as it had the first time she’d seen it. Only now there’s a bottle of her perfume on his dresser, and some of her clothes on his ‘laundry’ chair, and polaroids of the two of them stuck in the corners of the photo frames of him and the boys. And Julie knows if she thinks about it, that her room at her dad's house is also littered with pieces of him as well, and she knows it’s only been a few months, but it feels like years. Like her life had been full of all these little gaps she’d never noticed until they were filled with Luke.

Putting the plate down, she starts moving around his room. Pulling out the firefighting coat he’d brought home a few weeks ago because he’d found a rip in the shoulder, rooting through his wardrobe for the plain blue cut off she’d seen the last time she was over and laying them out on his bed. Tilting her head, Julie mentally puts together her outfit one more time. Shorts, suspenders, Luke’s cut-off, coat, maybe the shoes? She bites her lip and decides to come back to it, to see how everything looks on.

It’s strange, Julie thinks as she clips one side of her suspenders to her shorts, how nervous she is about this. It’s not like this is the first time they’ll have slept together, but it is the first time she’s done anything like this. Dressed up in something other than a pretty dress for dinner that he’d taken great care of taking off her.

What if he didn’t like it? What if he thought it was weird? What if he got home and was too tired to do anything? He’d been at work all day, after a long week of working, maybe she should change her plans and do it tomorrow night? What if—

She cuts her own thoughts off with a groan, sitting down on the end of Luke’s bed to take a breath and fiddle with knee high sheer socks dotted with little stars that she’d ordered online. Logically, Julie knows that Luke will like this, that he’ll look at her with those eyes of his that can’t hide a single emotion and smile at her slowly and call her beautiful.

Because he’d been complimenting her since their first date, and every day since. Little things and big changes and all the between. He really did seem to like her just as much dressed up and with make-up on as he did when she’d just woken up on a morning with her hair a mess and pillow creases still on her cheeks.

And that in itself was scary.

Because he liked her for her and didn’t need her to change. She’d never really dated anyone before who didn’t want her to be less invested in music or spend less time with her family or who didn’t like Flynn or even one guy who thought she should try a different scent of shampoo. They’d all been relationships littered with red flags, big and small.

But not even Flynn could find a real warning sign about Luke. Maybe he was a little co-dependant on his friends, but neither of them could say anything because they were a little co-dependant too. And maybe he could be a little over enthusiastic, but he also knew when to give her space. He had a stable job and good friends and was cute and lived in a nice area and he had a cat.

And, once upon a time, he had had a similar dream to her.

One of the things Flynn had managed to dig up on him during her ‘background’ check was an old low quality video on youtube of three boys in a garage playing instruments that looked too big for them but taking the whole thing seriously. Voices cracking on the cover of Summer of ‘69 they were playing, but Julie had seen the way they grinned at each other, at the way a younger Luke had bounced around the small space and Reggie had rocked on his feet and Alex had thrown a drumstick in the air and caught it again. They were kids, but they were talented and it's at that moment that Julie realises Luke was right. They could have made it.

She wonders what would have happened if fate hadn’t intervened in the form of a fire. She’s pretty sure Luke has wondered the same thing too. He doesn’t talk about it much and Julie’s never sure how much to push because he seems happy in his life and choices. And plus, if it hadn’t been for a fire in a record store, there’s a chance they wouldn’t have met.

Julie frowns a little at that thought as she rolls on her second sock over her knee and stands up, straightening out her shorts and twisting the side of Luke’s cut off up and tying it into a knot. She’s never been the biggest believer in fate since her mom died but she thinks there’s something a little like fate that’s pulled them together. And she thinks they’d have met with a fire or without a fire, with music or without.

She wrinkles her nose at herself in the mirror at that thought, rolling her eyes at how cheesy it sounds even to herself. Fate and destiny, who did she think she was? They were just two people lucky enough to find each other.

An alarm goes off on her phone to tell her she’s got half an hour before Luke is due home and this is her last chance if she wants to change her mind.

Tilting her head a slightly to the side, Julie takes in her high waisted shorts, red suspenders dangling by her thighs, the way her t-shirt cinches at her waist and reveals just a strip of skin above her shorts where she knows Luke likes to rest his hands when he pulls her close. She’d taken extra care with her curls and all she had to do was apply some lipstick and touch up her eyeliner and she’d be ready.

It’s Flynn’s voice in the back of her head as she tucks curls behind her ears to lean a little closer to her reflection and, as she pulls back, smacking her lips once before letting them rest in a pout, she can’t help but reiterate it, “I do look hot.”

The front door shuts and Julie can hear Hotdog meowing and Luke’s muffled voice down the corridor as she’s pulling his coat over her shoulders. It’s far too big for her, hanging below her knees and she has to roll the sleeves up three times to free her hands, but the collar smells like smoke and metal and Luke and his last name is written across the right hand side and his station across her back.

That was the part that Flynn had said would really get him — his name on her. Luke wasn’t exactly possessive, but she and Flynn had agreed there was just something about it that was A Lot, in a good way. (Unlike buying a pole and installing it in Luke’s room for a weekend, that was A Lot, in a bad way. Her plan had gone through many different phases before settling on this one. Luckily, it was also the cheapest.)

“Jules?” Luke calls and Julie bites her lip as she carefully climbs on to his bed, and kneels in the middle before changing her mind and crawling off the other side to stand next to it instead.

“I’m in here,” she calls back and she hears something dropping to the floor, probably his bag she guesses, and then his footsteps sounding down the hall.

Julie’s glad she opted for the shoes, just simple black heels, but they give her an extra lift and something more for Luke to look at as he opens his bedroom door. She has one knee slightly bent and resting on her toes, coat sleeves hiding the way her hands are balled up at her sides and one shoulder raised a little higher than the other as she tilts her head at him, biting her lip.

He freezes in the doorway, mouth partly open like he’d been about to say something only to get lost somewhere between his brain and vocal chords as his eyes seem to lock on to the coat she’s wearing before traveling down to her bare legs and Julie watches him swallow, adam's apple bobbing. Just as his eyes get back up to her face she moves one hand to tuck her coat behind her hip and hook her thumb under her suspenders in a way she’s seen him do countless times.

And it gets the reaction she wants, his eyes zeroing in on her hand and tracing up the line of red that covers her chest. Luke’s tongue darts out to swipe across his bottom lip as he blinks and finally drags his eyes back up to her face, pupils blown wide and she watches as he lets out a heavy breath.

“Hi,” she breathes out, and almost immediately regrets it. She's trying for sexy but thinks it just comes across as gasping. Which she hopes she’ll be eventually at some point tonight, but would at least like to be touched a little first.

“You—” Luke starts, and his voice is rough like he’s not used it in hours so he swallows again and Julie’s momentarily distracted by the way his throat moves before his speaking again, “Is that my coat?”

“Maybe,” Julie shrugs, turning slightly so she can pull at the collar of the coat to peer down at the name stitched in the fabric, “Oh look, it does say your name. Would you like me to take it off?” She blinks up at him with a soft smile.

Julie doesn’t know if it’s the smile or her words or just everything about the moment, but Luke lets out a low groan and before she can even blink he’s stood in front of her, hands on her hips and fingers brushing against her strip of visible skin, just like she knew he would. And she’s thankful for the heels all over again when it gives her the little extra height that means Luke doesn’t have to bend down quite so far to brush his lips across her cheek.

“You’re fucking gorgeous,” he mutters, lips ghosting along her jaw and Julie has to rest her hands against his chest to steady herself as her legs already feel wobbly. If she didn’t love him, she’d almost hate him for how easily he can affect her.

“Luke,” she whines as he continues to avoid her lips and trails one hand up his chest to wrap around his neck, fingers winding into his hair to tug lightly which only results in making him huff a laugh against the skin below her ear before giving in and pulling back.

“So,” he starts, press a light kiss to her cheek again again, “fucking,” he kisses the corner of her lips, “beautiful.” And he finally presses his lips to hers, soft at first and then she nips lightly at his top lip and he flexes his fingers against her hip, tugging her a closer with her suspenders to deepen the kiss.

Julie walks them backwards until the backs of her knees hit the edge of his bed and Luke takes the lead from there, lowering her down without breaking the kiss. He pulls away just enough to gasp for a breath, and she looks up at him, chest heaving and takes her chance to start her own teasing trail of kisses up his neck and across his jaw.

“Fuck,” he mutters and Julie smiles as she sucks lightly at his neck and sees the red mark her lipstick has left behind. She just hopes it lasts long enough for her full plan.

//

“This was because of the pole thing a few weeks ago, right?” Luke asks a few hours later as they lie in the middle of his bed, blankets half pushed to the floor and Julie’s spent the last five minutes kicking her legs back and forth to try and dislodge the reminder from covering her legs without having to turn around or sit up. She’s perfectly comfortably lying on her front, licking chocolate off her fingers from one of the brownies that Alex and Willie had been correct in leaving for them.

“Maybe,” she tries to shrug, but it’s awkward in this position and she quickly gives up to just look at him from under her lashes with a smile.

Luke laughs, his fingers trailing up and down her arm and over her shoulder a few times before he sits up slightly and leans over to press a kiss to her shoulder, “If I’d known it would cause such a reaction I would have slid down that pole in front of you months ago.”

“It might have still taken us months to get to this. Your roommates have very annoying schedules,” she shakes her head sadly and she thinks her hair has to be hitting him in the face, but he doesn’t say anything, just carefully gathers it in one hand to drape over her other shoulder, his lips still brushing soft kisses across her skin.

“Yeah. I’d get rid of them if Alex didn’t feed me for free and Reggie didn’t get us so many free tickets to stuff,” he sighs, breath blowing against her skin as his nose nudges over her shoulder blade until his lips follow and his rest his chin on her shoulder, and all she has to do is turn her head a little to find his eyes on her lips. “Though it would be so worth it for weekends like this.”

“Guess we should just make the most of this one first, huh?”

It’s a little awkward, and Luke must be uncomfortable with his torso twisted like it is, but it’s easy to kiss Luke, and to roll over until she can push him back down until his back hits the mattress and she can hover over him instead.

“You sound like you have a plan,” Luke comments, and his hands rest on her hips, fingers tapping against her as he looks up at her with those damn eyes of his. The ones that can’t hide a single thought or emotion. And all she can see is love, and okay yeah, probably a lot of lust.

“There might have been some bullet point list involved,” she shrugs one shoulder, her hair slipping over as she moves and Luke’s fingers flex against her, squeezing one hip as he lets out something that sounds halfway between a laugh and a groan.

“That shouldn’t be this hot,” he shakes his head, but his eyes are still shining and Julie loves him.

So she tells him. And kisses him. And wonders if it’s too soon to suggest they spend all their weekends together forever.

[actualbird]

Hello, Zak. I just want to say thank you for your content, it makes me super happy and your analyses have become a solid part of how I perceive the NXX.

Non-ToT related ask: what do you recommend for beginner fanfic writers and content creators (for ToT and fics in general)? I'm thinking of posting more on my blog but I'm not experienced in using Tumblr or writing. (please do not misinterpret this as self-promotion!!! i just need advice owo.)

hullo!! thank u so much for the kind words, waaahhh, im glad u enjoyed my works :DDD

and no worries, i dont see this as a self-promo and also oooohhh!!

i'll cut ur main ask up into parts, hehe!!!

the only writing advice i'll ever give: read a BUNCH

i think this is important for all kinds of writing, fanfic or not. the bedrock for writing is reading.

go to fics other ppl have written that you personally really love and enjoy. go through it again, this time taking note of the bits that struck you in any way.

like, if theres a line that hit hard or a fic thats structured in a way that you found interesting or a certain kind of characterization that you cant get enough or anything that piques your interest, take note of it

and then look deeper and pick it apart. try and figure out how the author pulled that off in the writing. look at the things you yourself enjoy reading and study how they managed to do the things that impressed you

to word it differently: study, HAHAJKJADBFKSD but it's a fun kind of studying, since ur sources are texts you like!!

the "pick it apart" method is a more active kind of way to "study" but in general, even reading without that active mindset still enriches the writer brain. subconsciously, you'll gravitate towards doing things in writing that you enjoyed reading from other stories. reading is fuel for a writer

like, in my opinion, no writer at all can grow by just staying inside our own head. we grow by looking around and learning from things that resonate with us

-

in terms of what u wanna write, just go wild, write what you want

idk if this is something that resonates with you, but when i was starting out writing for tot i was HELLA ANXIOUS cuz the stuff i wanted to write (found fam shenanigans, shipping uncommon ships, several thousands of words of character analyses) wassssnnnttt exactly the stuff i saw everybody else in the fandom writing. if this is something u arent worried/anxious about then hell yea! skip to next part! but if it is, then i tell u this:

write it anyway. even if it feels like something nobody else wants. if you want it, write it anyway

because fandom surprises you. it surprised me! turns out theres a whole lotta people who like the stuff i thought nobody would be interested in

additionally, write what makes you happy and what youre interested in cuz it really shows in the writing itself. i cant rlly explain it in words, haha, but like...i can tell when somebody is super passionate about their piece in the words of the piece. enthusiasm brings life into writing and enjoyment in general is, in my opinion, the whole point of fandom anyway :D

-

tumblr is a mess tbh, do you want an ao3 invite?

tumblr. is a mess. however, among the social media websites right now, it's actually the best for written fanworks thanks to the lack of word limits and the blog focused structure of the whole site. that being said, it's a niGHTMARE keeping things organized on tumblr. my masterlist of totworks doesnt work anymore on desktop cuz i broke thru the link limit kjbkHBSKF IT ONLY WORKS ON MOBILE NOW and i had to move the whole masterlist to a gdoc for desktop accessibility kabfskafa.

so if youre writing fanfic, i VERY MUCH recommend getting an ao3, if you dont already have one. and if you need an ao3 invite to register for an account, send me a DM! cuz ive still got three invites in my account, im very willing to send you one :DDD

buuuuuut, i do also make a lot of fanwork thats not technically a full fanfiction piece (hcs, analyses, minific rambles, etc.) and those do seem better just staying on tumblr. so for posting writing on tumblr, use tags!!!

some main tags for tot that i think would be useful to totwriters are:

#tears of themis

#tears of themis fanfic

#tears of themis headcanons

#[character's full ENG name]

#tot [character's ENG first name]

#[character's full CN name]

#[character's full ENG name] x rosa

#[character's full ENG name] x reader

tho if ur blog is new and has just be created recently, keep in mind that theres a tendency that your posts wont show up in these tags until tumblr has "ensured" that youre not a bot akjbfkjsfas. tumblr whack like that. how to make tumblr realize ur not a bot is by following a some other people and reblogging a bunch of posts. interacting with other blogs, basically. this is non-bot behavior and will pull ur posts out of the nether and into the tags eventually

other stuff that might be helpful would be adding a wordcount at the top of the post (apparently ppl like this? akbfkjfksa i had no idea until i joined this fandom) aaaand a title and/or short description of the post that gives an idea on what the post is about

i see other totwriters on tumb doing cool stuff with like, banners and formatting. those seem nice!! i dont do them personally because im not great at visual aesthetics KBAJSFKSAJFSA but if it interests u, go for it!!!

OH ALSO, if ur gonna be posting a lot of fanworks on tumblr, making a masterlist with links of every post is a great idea!!!

i think thats all ive got? kjKABKJFAS forgive me, i just clocked out of work, so my brain might be a little scrambled.

i hope this helps!! and i send best wishes to you and your writing :DDD

[steelycunt]

hii i was wondering if maybe u have any advice on posting on ao3 for the first time. ive encountered some people that just immediately bash fics if it doesnt agree with their hc and that makes me even more nervous. also the thought of writing so much and no one reading my work is kind of discouraging :(( im not really active on social media and cant say here followers i posted a new fic yk? sigh idk

hi babe!! of course. i rambled a bit, so it's under the cut.

posting on ao3 is always nerve-wracking - for me, at least - and it has never really become less so. genuinely, as i write this, im looking at an ao3 draft open in a different tab that im ready to post but i'm still getting nervous about. and when i post it, i'll have to get offline for a few hours because i always get the urge to take it down. nerves are natural! especially when sharing something you've put love and work into.

as for bashers - everyone has different preferences, and everyone will have different headcanons, and everyone will have things they like and do not like. it's completely unavoidable (esp in big fandom), but the responsibility is on them - don't like, don't read, and all that. it is not on you to cater to everyone and anyone. if you hold back writing/posting in case there's somebody out there who doesn't like the same things that you do, you might never post! and that's a shame, because whatever you're writing is important, and worthwhile, i promise. to steal advice i've seen other people give on this site: it's vital to separate the act of writing from the act of posting - if you're going to keep at writing, you have to write for you. you just have to. or you'll fall out of love with it. the posting is something you do to share it with other people - it isn't written for them, it's shared with them. if you can look at something you wrote and think, i'm glad that exists, i wrote what i wanted to read, then honestly who cares if ao3user184392 thinks it isn't for them? they can go write their own stuff.

and to your final point - it's totally natural to feel discouraged if you don't get the engagement you're hoping for. it shouldnt be the reason you write, but of course it's the reason you post. it's the reason we all post! for other people to see it. tagging correctly and all that stuff is important for making sure it ends up in the right spaces, but also...pretty much everyone posting on ao3 has that same fear. it might take time as you build your account and post a bit more, but there is a community! if you like another author's fic, tell them, follow them, all of that. chances are they feel pretty similar to you. your sole motivation for interacting with other writers/fics should never be the expectation that they're now obligated to do the same, because that isn't how it works, but it's a good way of making friends and getting to know people and feeling a bit more involved (especially here on tumblr - ao3 is not a social media site). besides all that, the goal is to get to a place where you're not super numbers focused, because things like kudos don't determine the value of your work. lots of my favourite fics aren't massively big, statistics-wise, but they're wonderful.

i hope this has been helpful! and i hope it wasn't super contradictory, i'm just trying to get across that there's different ways you can approach posting and writing. i know i've got a ton of talented writer mutuals who can probably answer this way better than me, so if anyone has anything to add, please do!

it's scary, the whole thing is scary, it terrifies me too, but you can't let that put you off. i hope you end up posting, and i'd love to read anything you write, anon! and you can message me off anon if you want to talk anymore about all this. <3

[narumi-gens]

hi!! so i just started writing fanfics, and i was just wondering -- how do you deal w/ numbers and the whole posting online thing? while i know that i should be writing for fun and stuff (bc it is!) and that im literally JUST starting out, BUT i just.. im someone who really heavily relies on validation, and when people don't really respond to my works well (or at all), i kinda just.. feel bad ): idk.. do u have any tips?

🥺 You came to me for advice on this, anon? 🥺 Thank you so much! I’m more than happy to pass on what I’ve learned and help out a new writer. I’ve been reading/writing fanfics on-and-off in some form or another for like ten years, but especially over the last four and am happy to share some tips. There are five main things that I think can help grow your follower count and the amount of feedback you get:

Don’t feel bad about wanting validation.

Consider the platforms where you post.

Write for active fandoms and popular characters.

Post frequently.

Interact with other authors.

This got rather long so I have more info under the cut about each of these. 

1. Don’t feel bad about wanting validation.

There’s this dumb trap that we all fall into as writers that tells us that validation isn’t important and that what matters most is our love of writing. While I enjoy writing, if my stuff got no notes and no feedback then I would definitely have gotten discouraged and quit writing awhile ago. Why would I put all that effort into something if no one seems to appreciate it? There’s nothing bad about wanting people to let you know they like your writing! I get so happy when I see someone left a comment on one of my fics or went crazy in the tags or sent me an ask. And when something doesn’t get any feedback, I get depressed about it and second guess whether I should have bothered writing it. So, definitely try not to get caught up feeling bad because you want people to tell you that they liked your work. 💕

2. Consider the platforms where you post.

I only use AO3 and Tumblr, so I can’t speak to any other platforms, but posting my writing on both of these are widely different experiences. Part of the culture of AO3 is giving kudos and leaving comments, so you’re more likely to get feedback there than anywhere else. I slowly built a following on Tumblr because of my AO3, even when I wasn’t posting anything on Tumblr itself. I would really recommend checking out AO3 if you’re not already on there! You do need to request an invitation, but it only took me a couple of days to receive one. I also have 8 invitations that I haven’t sent out, so DM me if you want one and I can give you one! 

I’m sure you’ve already seen posts about this, but the unfortunate thing about writing on Tumblr is that the feedback is absolutely minuscule and I’m not sure why. There’s this awful culture on this platform of people only liking content and not reblogging it to make sure it gets shared with other users. So, you end up really reliant on your own followers and the tagging system for your works to reach people. And the tagging system is a mixed bag. Sometimes your posts don’t show up in the tags or they will but only after a couple of days. If your post gets enough notes then it might go to the top of the search feed but then only for a few days at most. 

As a sidenote to readers, this is why reblogging is so important! Even if you only have five followers or don’t leave a comment, just reblogging it means a lot to content creators!

Here are some of the tips I have for the mechanics of Tumblr:

Use the tagging system, as imperfect as it is. I think Tumblr now reads the first 20 tags in your post, so use that to your benefit. I usually always tag at least: [character name]; [character name x reader]; [fandom]; [fandom x reader]. You can always also try things like: [character name genre], [fandom genre], [fandom fanfic], [character fanfic] as well.

Make sure your blog is easy to navigate and have a masterlist that’s easy to find. If a reader sees your content on their dash and decides to check out your other works, if they can’t find them on your blog then they’ll probably just leave.

Self-reblog as much as you feel you need to for your followers who may have missed your post. I self-reblog a lot for new content over the first couple of days and then even will do a few icymi self-reblogs later as well. It also helps to have a list in your profile somewhere of your recent updates so people can easily see if they’ve missed something. 

3. Write for active fandoms and for popular characters.

This might seem like common sense, but I think it’s something to keep in mind if you want to grow your follower count and your chances of getting feedback. And there’s nothing wrong with prioritizing a fic over another just because you want more feedback. I actually really want to write something for Chainsaw Man but the fandom is so small compared to the other fandoms I write for that I’m putting it on hold until the anime comes out. 

That’s not to discourage you from writing for characters or fandoms that are less popular -- I have a bad habit of writing for niche characters and fandoms. But I always see my activity spike when I write for more popular characters. Another tip is to try and figure out which characters people are thirsting over but where there’s a lack of fics for them. You’ll also find that some characters or fandoms just have louder fans than others. The stuff I’ve written for Gojo has gotten a lot of likes and notes, but not so many comments or much feedback. But the amount of asks and thirsts I’ve gotten for Naoya is wild. This is something you’ll learn over time as you keep writing!

4. Post frequently. 

This one is annoying because writers have lives and real-world responsibilities and we can’t just write 24/7. But when you’re trying to build a following, even if you can do a couple of short drabbles a week, you’ll really start to see your follower count and feedback grow. I’m not sure if people tend to like longer or shorter fics more, but overall people are just hungry for content and if you can give it to them on a frequent or at least regular basis then they’re more likely to interact, especially if you’re taking requests. 

But don’t prioritize writing and posting content at the cost of your own well-being. As authors we’re all guilty of this at one time or another, but your followers will understand if you have writer’s block or you need to take a step back! Taking care of yourself is more important than getting feedback or interaction. ❤️

5. Interact with other authors. 

Building relationships with other authors is a big one, but it’s also probably the hardest because a lot of us (me included!) are just so shy about reaching out! It’s like asking someone on a date or trying to be friends with someone you really admire. I know it’s scary to come off of anon (I still sometimes send asks on anon!), but authors recognize the names we see often in our notes and in our inboxes and we’re all really nice, I promise! 🥰 And I’m much more likely to read the fics of my mutuals and the people I follow than I am to be searching through the tags.

And I think there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to an author you love and politely asking if they’ll read your work. I think it’s totally okay to send something like, “I really love your writing and wanted to know if it’s alright if I share this fic I just posted with you? I’ve seen you thirsting over [character] and think you might like it if you have the time to read it!” The worst they can do is turn you down. I would never be upset over getting an ask like that as long as it was polite and the person was understanding that I might not have time to read their fic. But, I know that this is really scary to ask of someone. I’ve only done it once or twice, so maybe I don’t have any ground to stand on here, but I really think you should try it even if you need to send the ask on anon first.

Please just be mindful of an author’s rules before reaching out.

Another added bonus is that authors are more likely to reblog and give you feedback on the stuff you write because we’re in the exact same boat as you! We’re the perfect audience. 

And don’t forget...

Growing your follower count and reaching the level of feedback you want takes time. If you’re just starting out, don’t get discouraged. The more you write, the better you get so even if you’re not getting the feedback you want now, that doesn’t meant that you never will! 

And of course, pay it back in kind. Just how you want people to interact with your fics, we want the same. I always try to leave comments on the fics I read on AO3 and always reblog the fics I like on Tumblr and try to go wild in the tags so that the author knows that I loved their works. 

I hope you found all of this useful, anon! Best of luck with your writing! 💕

[chaoslynx]

Hey, Im glad ur okay and safe! I just wanted to ask if u have any tips on getting beta readers to go over your work?

Hey! I wasn't sure if there's anything specific you were looking for, so I tried to cover everything I've learned about from working with beta readers, including whether you need one, how to find one, and how to work with them once you do. Sorry this got kinda (really?) long.

How-To: Beta Readers!

Do you need a beta reader?

Short answer: No. But it can be helpful and fun!

I'm gonna start by saying that none of my oneshots (with maybe one or two exceptions?) are beta read, and it's definitely not something that you need in fanfiction, imo. (Traditional publishing is a completely different story.) Don't think of it as a big milestone that you have to reach or anything like that, and if you do get a beta reader, don't get stuck thinking that you have to have one forever now. Most of my favorite fanfic authors don't work with beta readers at all.

How do you even get a beta reader?

Good question.

Honestly, the first beta reader I worked with was on my first multi-chapter fic, and she reached out to me first. I had expressed in the author's notes of a oneshot that I was considering writing a multi-chapter fic but was super nervous about it, and she commented offering to beta if I needed extra reassurance. I went through a whole existential crisis of sorts where I had no idea if I wanted to accept or not. She actually ended up working with me on both Feelings and Water!

All of the other beta readers I've had have also been people that I met through the fandom. If you're looking for a beta reader, you could try asking in the author's notes of a fic you post on ao3, or making a Tumblr post. If you have IRL friends who are familiar with the media you're writing for, you could ask them!

Okay, I have my beta reader ... now what?

If you do want to work with a beta reader, and you're able to find someone who you think you'll work well with, here are some tips for how to actually do the thing!

Talk about content warnings. Are there any specific triggers your beta will want to avoid completely? Anything they need to be warned about in advance?

Tell them if there's anything specific you want them to look out for. What are you struggling with? Characterization, dialogue, description, grammar, plot? What's your weak point? Why do you want a beta reader?

Make sure you're both comfortable with you rejecting any of their suggestions. On the beta's end it can be hard to see your suggestion shot down, and on the author's side it can be difficult to trust your own judgement, but usually the final call should be up to the author.

Also, make sure you're both aware that either of you can end the agreement with no hard feelings at any time. There could be a million reasons why it might not work out: real life obligations, scheduling/deadline issues, creative differences, or maybe one of you just decides that you'd rather work on your own. Please do not feel like you're stuck with your beta reader (or that you're stuck with your author) if anything comes up.

Talk about if any issues come up! Would it help your confidence more if they left positive comments, or does it feel like they're not actually helping if they compliment your writing too much? Are they paying too much attention to grammar when you only really wanted help on characterization? And on the beta reader's side, do you prefer if the author replies to your comments? Do you want it to be a back-and-forth communication, or do you want to be Done once you've finished a chapter/fic? Make sure you're in communication about this stuff.

How do we get the info back and forth?

Ah, of course, the actual technical aspect of it. I use Google Drive (for all my writing, not just for beta reading purposes), so I just make the document sharable (turn on "anyone with the link can comment"), send the link to the beta reader over Tumblr messages/Discord/whatever, and then ask them to let me know when they're done looking at a chapter. You can also use Google Drive to share directly with someone's email address and choose whether they can comment, edit, or just view. (I give beta readers comment access, but not edit.)

In the trad pub world, I've mostly seen critique partners use the Track Changes option on Microsoft Word. (I think the option is also compatible with OpenOffice so you don't have to buy MS Office).

You could also just tell each other your thoughts over messages, or whatever works best for you! I'm sure there are a million ways to do it.

For safety reasons (and deadname reasons lmao), please keep in mind what display name your Google Drive or MS Word account is going to show to your critique partner. This goes for both parties.

[whimsimmortal]

Plot Bunny

Wow, I’m alive! And posting fanfiction on tumblr, as if I have any idea what I’m doing!! Please check it out on AO3, where I am actually capable of navigating the website: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27441853

Plink. Another small, innocuous sound scarcely registered past Danny’s homework-induced stupor. It could have been a stray raindrop or a kamikaze bug. He had more important things demanding his attention; namely, the book report due tomorrow. This was at least the fifth time he’d rewritten the same paragraph. Words had lost all meaning to him by this point, but he was so close to finishing.

Tip-tap. Clonk, the noise emitting from the bedroom window insisted. He glared suspiciously towards the disturbance, envisioning ethereal arrows or blob ghosts intent on breaking in. He hadn’t sensed anything ghostly nearby, but given his luck, the paranoia was usually warranted. Emitting a groan from the depths of his soul, he rose from his desk to inspect the noise. He spared a second to stretch and shake the pins and needles out of his fingers, trying to wake up. Just in case it was something serious, y'know. Tink. “Alright, jeez, I’m coming,” he muttered, pulling back his curtain.

There weren’t any ghosts, of course. That was somewhat of a relief, even if going down swinging  was preferable to succumbing to a failing high school education. The early sunset gleamed amber off the windows across the street, and the sky was clear, except for— chink— the pebbles bouncing off his window. A lone kid was standing on the sidewalk below, no older than eight or nine. He looked vaguely familiar. He was pulling his arm back to throw more stones and bawling his eyes out.

Danny yanked open the window, sliding up the screen to fully stick his head out. His core vibrated, unsettled. There wasn’t any obvious danger, and the kid didn’t look hurt. Where were his parents? Why was he here? “Hey! What’s wrong, buddy? Are you okay?”

“You, you, you,” the kid tried to start, but great hiccupping sobs interrupted him. He scrubbed his face with his fists, obviously trying to regain his composure. “You’ve gotta send the ghost hero out!”

Danny jerked back, unintentionally smacking the back of his skull on the underside of the window. Well, now he was awake. What? “Uh, a ghost? Here? No, there isn’t—I can’t—what are you talking about?”

The boy was right up against the side of the house now, sniffling loudly and staring straight up at Danny with wide, sad eyes. “Please?” He whined, winding his hands up in the fabric of his sweater nervously.

Well, now he was stuck. Some random kid was going to out his whole identity, but the urge to help was almost overwhelming. “I can’t—there can’t be any ghosts here, but give me a second and I can just come down?” He offered. “Do you want me to find your parents?”

“Noooo!” The kid wailed and stomped his foot, banging on the wall with his tiny fists. “Don’t lie to me! I’ve seen the superman ghost go in there! Let him out! I need him!!”

Oh, crap, someone was going to hear. This kid’s parents were going to freak out, or his own parents were going to notice, and what if they took that kind of claim seriously? Shoot. Literally. He chuckled nervously. “Hey, hey, shhh, okay! You win! I’ll, uh, summon him, or something! But you have to be quiet, or you’ll, y’know, scare him off.” The child nodded solemnly, wiping his nose on the back of his sleeve and stifling his sobs.

Danny ducked back behind the curtain, gracelessly crumpling to sit with his back against the wall. He ran his hands through his hair. He’d been seen? When? He’d tried so hard to be careful, and use invisibility whenever he was close to the house. Maybe he’d gotten lazy. Maybe, sometimes, he let the promise of sleep take priority over precautions. Stupid.  He smacked the palm of his hand into his forehead, frustrated. How long had this kid known? Who else had he told? He couldn’t just scare him into silence, he was too little. That was just messed up, he’d give him nightmares or something.

He wasn’t going to figure anything out by sitting here moping. He triggered the transformation, the familiar prickling electric feeling swiftly replaced by the soothing cold. He turned to peek over the edge of the window, checking for anyone else around. It was still just the same kid, kicking at a pebble on the concrete while he waited.

He floated down slowly, not wanting to startle his impromptu visitor, who turned and saw him as he touched down. The little guy gasped, forgotten tears slipping away from unblinking eyes.

“Hi there,” Danny prompted gently. “Were you looking for me?”

The kid kept ogling, mesmerized, and a few seconds passed by before he could shake himself out of it. “Wow, you’re the real superhero guy,” he whispered reverently.

Oh. That was pretty cute, actually. He couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, that’s me. You can call me Phantom,” he offered.

“I’m Wyatt,” the kid mumbled, covering his damp cheeks with his hands shyly. He tipped his head down, still staring through his eyelashes.

A neighbor’s front door opened down the street, and Danny swiftly disappeared. Wyatt startled, blindly swinging his hands back and forth through the seemingly-empty space. “Wait! Come back!” He recoiled with a yelp when his blundering reach made contact with the specter.

“It's okay, I’m right here,” he reassured the kid. “But we can’t let people know I’m here, okay? They’ll—um. I’ll get in trouble.”

Wyatt squinted, reaching forward again. Danny offered his hand, and the little fingers gripped his glove tightly. He looked like he was offering the empty air a fist bump. “Right,” the kid agreed earnestly.

“Seriously,” Danny pressed. “You can’t tell anyone that I li-” he bit his tongue. Don’t say ‘live’. That’s so dumb. “Uh. Hang out here sometimes. Not even your friends, okay? Promise?”

Wyatt’s little dark eyebrows drew together, and despite his trembling chin and small stature, he looked profoundly serious. He shook the hand. “I promise.”

Well, that would have to do for now. “Thanks. Uh, what did you need me for?”

The kid’s eyes immediately started to well up again, but he squeezed Danny’s fingers and pressed his lips to put on a brave face. “C’mon, Phantom, you’ve gotta-” he sniffed. “You gotta save Fuzzy,” he warbled, turning and pulling. The ghost floated behind like a balloon on a string as the pair stepped down from the curb, heading across the street.

Oh, man, if this was about a dead pet, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. That was closer to Jazz’s expertise. He swallowed his mounting dread. “Who’s Fuzzy?”

Wyatt’s face scrunched up. “He’s my bunny,” he explained, looking away. “I was just tryin’ to show ‘im to Audrey, and—and then,” he sobbed. “He went under the house! And he’s gonna get lost and stuck, and I’m-, never-, gonna see him ever again!” He let go, burying his face in his hands and howling.

Danny rested a hand lightly on Wyatt’s little shoulder, throat tight. He’d never had a pet like that, but he could understand the fear of losing loved ones a little too well, and empathy always felt more forceful when he was in ghost form. Probably something related to ectoplasm being shaped by residual emotional energy, blah blah ecto-science theory. “Don’t worry, we’ll find him.”

The unusual duo walked two more houses down the block and cut through a side yard to a modest backyard, strewn with outdoor toys and an overturned wire fence—likey an outdoor pen for Fuzzy. An even younger girl sat on the paved patio, chewing on the end of her braid. She leaped up as they drew close. “Wyatt! I told my dad about Fuzzbutt, and he’ll call the—um, animal people. But they’re not here yet. Did you find him?”

Wyatt glanced a little to Danny’s left with a guilty expression. Well, crap, so much for his secret. He bit his lip, trying to keep his cool. First things first. A cursory scan of the area didn’t show anyone else in the immediate vicinity, so he faded back into visibility. The little girl—‘Audrey’, he guessed—gave a muffled shriek. “Ghost man!”

“Hush,” Wyatt scolded, voice quavering. “He’s a secret.”

“Oh,” Audrey whispered back. “Hello, mister normal guy man. I think you’re cool.” She beamed up at him.

“Hello, small ordinary human,” Danny quipped, and Audrey giggled delightedly. Wyatt dropped to his hands and knees, crawling up to the house, where a gap between the foundation and dirt was evident. The other two peeked over his shoulder, but there wasn’t any bunny visible past the darkness.

“Fuzzy,” Wyatt choked out. “Hang in there, we’re gonna rescue you!”

Danny turned intangible, letting his molecules seep down through the dirt past the level of his nose. He drifted close to the base of the house, juicing up the glow from his eyes. “Just wait here, okay?” Two grim, round little faces nodded back, and with that minor assurance, he delved beneath the house.

The weight of the floor above loomed. It was claustrophobic, like being buried… well, half-alive. The musty, dank mildew smell was gross, even though he wasn’t breathing. He could taste it. “Here, bunny, bunny,” he muttered. Please don’t be hurt.

A tiny pair of eyes reflected green through the gloom. The little ball of fluff was backed into a corner, and it snorted like a tiny angry bull, stomping its feet. Danny hadn’t even known rabbits could make that sound. It probably didn’t like his creeping, unnatural aura, like most rational animals. “Shhh,” he cooed, reaching for the tiny, grubby ball of fluff and dimming his glow. “I’m not gonna hurt ya.”

Fuzzbutt wasn’t convinced. In a courageous move, it darted through Danny’s forehead, wedging itself under a crooked board and squealing. Danny reached easily through the plank and wrapped his hands around the unhappy creature, sharing his intangibility. It writhed and fussed, trying to bite through his gloves. “Stop that!” He clutched it close to his chest; if he dropped it here, the stubborn thing really would be stuck. He swooped back out into the backyard, startling the anxiously waiting kids.

Audrey shrieked and tipped over. Wyatt recovered first, leaping to his Velcro-sneakered feet expectantly. “Is he okay?”

Danny recovered a more solid form, holding up the wiggling rabbit. Wyatt gasped, fresh tears glittering on his eyelashes. He reached out for the beloved pet, unable to contain his joy at the reunion. “Fuzzy! You’re okay! I love you, Fuzzy!”

“Let’s go inside first, so he doesn’t get away again?” Danny suggested. The last thing anyone needed was an instant replay. Audrey darted to open the back door, and Wyatt led the way inside. He sat on the wooden floor with open arms, and as soon as the door was firmly shut again, Danny deposited the squirming animal into his lap. Fuzzy looked marginally more content to receive numerous sloppy kisses from his adoring owner. He was actually a pretty cute little guy, black and white like a panda.

Even footsteps padded around the corner. “Wyatt, baby? Did you find-” the woman’s question cut off abruptly as she noticed the glowing stranger in her living room.

Crud. At this rate, the whole block was going to find him out before the week was up. He edged back a little, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, I was just, um,” darn it, wrong persona. He cleared his throat and squared his shoulders. “Doing my heroic duty, ma’am,” he finished in a falsely deep voice.

Audrey giggled (he didn’t sound that bad!), and the woman smiled nervously. Wyatt hopped to his feet, still cradling his bunny. “Mama! Look, he saved Fuzzy! I’m gonna rename him Fuzzy Phantom,” he declared.

Mama Wyatt dutifully stroked the bunny’s dusty ears. “Fuzzy Phantom needs a bath,” she commented, before looking back up to meet Danny’s eyes. She held out her clean hand, and it took him a second to recognize the offered handshake. He started to reach back, thought twice about his messy glove, and hastily peeled it off to shake her hand. Her fingers were delicate, but they didn’t falter at the chill. “You look taller on the TV,” she joked lightly. “It’s nice to meet you. Phantom, right?”

He nodded. “Uh, it was nice to meet you, too, Ms.-?”

“Sylvie Rosales,” she supplemented. Audrey snuck around her to flounce deeper into the house, taking the adult’s distraction as an invitation, and Wyatt started to follow her, but hesitated. He snuck a hand out around Fuzzy to tug on Danny’s arm, so he leaned down accommodatingly.

Wyatt stood on his tiptoes to whisper in his ear. “Can I come see you sometimes?”

Oh, heck, no. That would be truly asking for disaster. “No,” he quickly replied, but before Wyatt’s pout could evolve into a true objection, he added, “but if you really don’t tell anyone how to find me, I could drop by sometimes.” He looked towards Ms. Rosales. “If that’s okay?”

Wyatt looked over to his mom pleadingly, stars in his eyes. What have I gotten myself into, Danny wondered, but he couldn’t help feeling charmed. Ms. Rosales looked like she was thinking along the same lines, with her thin-lipped smile and folded arms. “As long as you don’t cause any trouble,” she hedged.

“Thank you!!” Wyatt hugged Danny spontaneously, smushing his face into his shoulder. Fuzzy grunted his objection.

Danny ruffled the kid’s mop of hair. “I should get going. Take care of Fuzzy,” he grinned, pulling away. “And stay safe,” he added in his false baritone with a mock salute.

“You, too,” he heard Ms. Rosales call after him as he phased through the wall. He looped above the street once cheerfully before disappearing to sneak back home. He’d left his window open; rose-tinted light and a handful of moths had spilled onto his bedroom floor. This time, he didn’t reappear or turn back until he’d stealthily drawn the window and curtains closed.

He still had an hour or so to plug into his homework. He hummed as he started back in on the paragraph he’d been stuck on. It didn’t seem as daunting now, even with the lost time and near reveal. He’d have to keep an eye on his nosy little neighbor, but in the end, maybe it was the moments like today that made the whole gig worth it.

[captainshyguy]

i hate feeling so off and not being able to pin down why because there’s SO many little things it could be 

like! its weird, im still doing things like hobbies but im having no love for them at the moment, something is just its missing. i just want to lay down all day 

is it bc im nervous abt health stuff? maybe. did i burn myself out with the sheer amount of paintings i’ve been doing? have i put too many big projects on my plate? 

am i lonely??? probably. pretty much every person i talk to regularly is having a rough time and i cant do anything to help. are some of them annoyed with me? idk! probably!! all the servers i hang out in are either quiet or like. impenetrable. im trying so hard to get into the group in one server, but bc a minecraft roleplay took over their time, they just, they barely show any recognition to anything outside of that. i comment on their minecr*ft stuff, despite having zero context, but when i make handy and snappy character summaries so they have an idea what im doing, i get nothing! its so alienating! i dont even know why im trying! 

i ache to show more people lost and found, but after that dumbfuck decided that if you see the surviving v*ssels as adults ur a problematic creep i have no confidence on putting it on ao3. just! yknow, despite the fact we DONT know how old gh*st was when they climbed from the abyss. we DONT know how v*ssel aging both physically and mentally works. we DONT know how holl*w got so tall. we literally know NOTHING so all bets are open! ‘the v*ssels are naturally small and h*llow was made to be big by some form of magic training enhancement’ is a valid read on the subject! as is thinking they’re physically kids! just! you cant decide people who dont agree with your HEADCANON are morally wrong that’s so fucking dangerous. the story isnt even abt anything like that really! there’s some romance, but its ultimately about moving on, about coming to terms with ur grief! and yet! if i mention that gh*st and leaf are old then oooooooooo, some teenagers with too much time on their hands wont like that!!1111!!!11 get a fucking life.

heck, thats something that’s been irritating me too just the ‘my headcanon is right, everyone else is wrong’ no!!! no!!! dear god watch the source material again! get out of your own head! 

tumblr culture as a whole is just, man its been getting to me too. everyone says its better here now and i dont exactly agree. the aphobes are still here. theyre just on the downlow and tell u not to ask them abt ace discourse bc they’re “past it” but then they still make jokes. pan people are a fun new target for a growing number of people! :) there’s been so many posts ive seen that just., they feel outright mean. the border on bullying i dont care if they’re a joke, it feels like this site is full of teenage bullies who think they’re all right and fun and dont get me started on the amount of policing posts im just! AAAAAAAAAA

sick of this site luv <3

i miss feeling safe outside, i miss going shopping and getting nice food. i want to eat in a cafe again  

im tired man. im tired and strung out and lonely and annoyed and powerless and i want to just sleep 

[shijas]

hi chel! i hope this is ok to ask but if it isnt, you dont have to answer. lately, ive been struggling with my writing. i do still enjoy writing, but i find myself doubting myself more often. i sometimes wonder if what im writing is realistic to how the characters would act, or if my writing is embarrassing. i started posting my works on ao 3 more recently and... while my writing gets a somewhat decent? amount of attention, ill see other works with a lot of engagement and wonder if im doing

heyy nonny! ofc this was okay to ask!! firstly, i totally feel you. it’s completely natural to have moments when you’re unsure and dissatisfied with your writing. if you still enjoy the process of writing, then that’s great! i want to make it clear that your feelings may linger but they will pass!!

i talked about this in an ask on my writing blog once but my three biggest writing tips are: “a first draft is a first draft”, “if you’re writing is indulging you then it’s met your target audience” and “as long as your characterisation is consistent to how you feel about the character everything is fine”.

i think, especially, when you’re writing fanfiction that these are things that you keep in mind! when characterising characters, i can’t personally tell you whether how you feel and thus write about them is ‘correct’ or not! no one can, because the lens of which you read and write them is dependent on your whole life worth of experiences!! and this is fine!! you don’t have to write characters exactly as they are in canon, and in all honestly no one truly expects you too. people read fanfiction because they want other interpretations of a story/characters that they love!! as long your characterisation is consistent to you, rather than realistic to someone else’s standards i think you’ll be okay!

now, posting on ao3 is always a double edged sword, and once again, i totally get where you’re coming from. i think everyone who posts semi frequently has a work that they love, which gets barely any attention, and other works that maybe are more of a joke or a quick thing that do surprisingly well. sadly, you can’t force readers or engagement, you can only put your stuff out and hope. if your numbers seem small and the engagement does seem low in comparison to other people, this doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing something wrong and as hard as that is to internalise or believe, please trust me on this!! i’ve read many a fic with barely any interaction and they’ve been brilliant, likewise i’ve read a lot of fic with a whole bunch of engagement that i personally didn’t enjoy.

a quick initial solution that helped me when seeing numbers really started to bog me down was using the site skin that removed all statistics from every work, my own included. this meant that i could still read fics, but i wouldn’t see anyones numbers, and it also meant when i went on my own page i was forced to look at my works for what they’re about rather than how “well or not” they did by numbers.

another thing that really helped me was advice from a tiktok i can’t currently find which basically said: “30, 60, 100 views might not seem like a lot on the internet, but imagine if that many people walked into your room and saw what you’ve created. they chose to come and see what you’ve created. 15, 40, 60 likes may not feel like a lot but imagine if that many people who had walked into your room to see what you’ve created and told you they liked your work. it would be pretty overwhelming.” i think there’s a really important message in that tiktok. every view, every kudo, comment and bookmark — even if it’s few — is an individual who chose to take a look at your work! they wanted to read it! some of them felt brave enough to kudo and tell you they enjoyed it! some of them were even braver and left a comment saying what they enjoyed! sure, it can feel underwhelming in comparison, but people are engaging, people do care and like your work!

the only person your writing has to be ‘good enough’ for is yourself! and if you enjoyed writing it then external numbers are just a bonus, no matter how big or small!! dissatisfaction is natural and expected from time to time, like i said earlier it will pass. sometimes it’s even a good thing, because if you finish something but feel dissatisfied, that might motivate you to write another draft, or redo a section or take a section out or add a section in! as long as this process is because you want to and it’ll make you happier with your work that’s good. if it’s draining it might be a hint that you should take a break from that project and try something else that you enjoy. you can always comeback. and on that note your ao3 and the fics you post there are not set in stone. if one day you decide you want to revamp a fic, do it! that’s allowed! it’s not a printed published fic! just hit that edit button and change at your hearts content. no one will mind! if anything those few people who might love you fic may be super happy that when they reread it, there’s something new or things have changed a bit!!

i’m really lucky that i have a friend that is not only is doing an english degree but writes fanfic herself, and other friends who frequently read fics and hc stuff over shared fandoms, so there’s always someone there to read my stuff — if you’ve got irl friends that are in your fandom spaces that you trust, i say subject yourself to the mortifying ordeal of being known and talk to them about it!! writing fics in isolation can be pretty hard!! online, i think if you’ve got the nerves to handle it (i do not OTL), twitter is a great place to interact with other writers!! my tips are maybe follow some of your fave writers and try and strike up a conversation?? be wary of the numbers again on twitter!!! similarly, if you do have a tumblr, talk to some of your favourite writers on here, and follow some writing/ao3 based blogs to see whose in the community! apparently there’s even discords for writers these days, so if you’re up to it that’s a great shout. if we’re in overlapping fandoms i love hearing people’s hcs so you can always throw them at me here or on my writing blog!!

i’m sorry that my reply got so long!! i hope that in some way it helps you even a little!! i’m sure you’re writing is pretty amazing and that it’s only going to get better the more you read and write!! have a great day nonny, and good luck, you can push through this!! 💗

[clumsyclifford]

bella I would love a directors cut on literally any of the rilex you’ve written, but specifically it’s always her, and you, and me, or for these days you’ve been stuck in my brain 💙

OHHHHHH those are some CHOICESSSSSS lucy. fuck yeah. let’s get into it. ill link them both here but we’ll take em one at a time

it’s always her, and me, you

these days you’ve been stuck in my brain

here’s a cut for convenience cos i KNOW i’m gonna go long here.

okay! let’s start with the rilisex fic.

it’s always her, and me, and you

so like it says in the ao3 notes, this fic came from realizing just how frequently rian and alex kiss each other like, all the time? just? casually? for funsies? this was another one of those situations like i mentioned where the hook aka first line (“Rian's no expert, but he doesn't think normal friends kiss this much.”) just appeared in my head and i was like heyyy that’s a GOOD first line. i have to build from that line. that’s the hook, that’s the summary, that’s the core. 

something i discovered upon searching through the editing history of the doc: i had originally sort of intended to go a direction with this where in some other circumstance, rian would see alex giving jack a super casual friendly kiss and he’d get all sad/jealous and be like sure why SHOULDNT alex kiss jack after all its just a thing he does with his FRIENDS. but the fic ended up going a different way and honestly? im glad. i like this way better.

the role of singin in the rain in this fic actually has a HILARIOUS backstory because the night i originally wrote that conversation in the tour bus kitchen, i went into the club and said the following

and then. the next day. rian streamed with ricky, and i asked if he’d ever seen singin in the rain, and he ANSWERED ME and said he hadn’t. so first of all i had already written the scene and i then had to rewrite it to make it so rian wouldn’t have seen it but also!!! i literally asked rian fucking dawson if he’d seen a movie for the sole reason of using that information for fanfiction!!!! and he provided me with the information i needed!!!! whole thing is just fucking hysterical to me. ANYWAY.

ANYWAY, the other reason why sitr has such a big role in the fic is because megs and i watched the movie together while i was in the middle of working on the fic, so it was extremely fresh in my mind. in fact i can probably show you this: i had this comment left for myself when i was kind of trying to figure out if i could make a real metaphor of sorts with the sitr ot3 and the Big Three of this fic. some of this ended up in rian’s wild musings in the hotel scene but i did conclude that it wouldn’t really have worked and that was definitely true but anyway. fuck it, director’s cut, here’s the kind of shit i leave for myself to refer to

so that’s part of the reason why it became such a puzzle piece of this fic, but real talk, it’s also just because i love singin in the rain it’s one of my favorite movies lmao

briefly gonna also touch on lisa and why she’s in this fic because i realize that rian/alex/lisa is an interesting approach to rilex! first of all, i love lisa. i love alex and lisa. and it occurred to me that there was really no reason to split lisex up just to make rilex happen. plus there’s this tweet that really just pushed me over the edge of being like yeah, rilisex is extremely plausible. so that’s that on that.

as for the scene in the hotel room while they’re watching sitr, there is a small piece of that scene - from when alex starts kissing rian’s shoulders etc to “it would defy the laws of nature not to” - that i actually wrote before anything else in that scene. that small piece got stretched out and edited quite a bit from how it started but it did function as a sort of foundation around which i built the rest of the scene, because that small section sort of ~came to me~ absolutely out of nowhere, and i really liked the Vibe it had and i wanted to include it. i THINK that was the only piece of this fic that i wrote Out Of Order - for the most part this was written chronologically.

ALSO!!! omg this is exciting, this fic actually has a deleted scene!!!!!! i hate cutting scenes but i also hate having scenes that are less than 1k and this one didn’t really contribute much to the fic. i can probably share it here right? sure why not ! hopefully you can read this. it originally took place after the scene where alex and rian call lisa for the first time. the question of “what gets left into interview videos and what gets cut” is also just interesting to me as a (fic) concept in general so...eyes emoji, but here’s my mini-exploration that i cut from the original fic. enjoy lol it’s silly <3

oh! also one more thing!! the very final scene was included for two reasons. the first reason being that when i write getting-together fics, i really prefer to add on a scene After they Get Together because i love to write domestic established relationship stuff and i think that’s a satisfying reward for a reader who’s just slogged through all the mutual pining and bullshit to get the characters together. but the OTHER reason is that i got an anon (here it is!) and i read that ask and was immediately like well shit. now i have to fucking include this. for the anon and for myself. so you can thank that anon for that last scene. (also i wanted to include merrikat especially since i had to cut their little moment in the interview scene above.)

so....................whew. i think i’ve bled that fic dry. holy shit that’s a lot of Stuff. OKAY! let’s move on.

~

these days you’ve been stuck in my brain

so!!! THIS fic was the breakthrough after (what felt like) a long bout of writer’s block. long for me was maybe two weeks, but i am the kind of person who is always writing, and two weeks was a long time to go with little to no inspiration/motivation to write anything. i had also been in a weird narrative headspace because i’d been binge-watching disney shows (jessie > austin and ally > girl meets world) and i don’t know how well i can explain this but the way those shows are written is a lot snappier and cares way less for realistic and consistent character development or plots or relationships, and so i was stuck between caring a lot about including those things in my fics but also being unable to conceptualize them in writing because my brain was in Disney Writing Mode. does that make sense? this is rhetorical so let’s go with yes. so anyway. i was in a slump

actually what i ended up doing was basically googling something like “au prompts tumblr” or something and just scrolling through posts. i saw something about soulmate telepathy and i actually tried to write something totally different before i wrote this one, but the first attempt was a different concept and then the direction i took it was like......it wasn’t quite right and i realized that i was kind of writing dark disney style? there is really no way for me to explain what i mean by that because it seems really obvious to me but that’s just because i’m inside my own head so just take my word. 

anyway. attempt #1 of soulmate telepathy rilex went poorly, and this fic was attempt #2. i kinda took the soulmate telepathy thing and changed it as i saw fit and i also went back to skim helen’s telepathy fic because obviously she’s the pro and then i tried not to steal her ideas. and as i was writing it i kinda realized i was doing the whole quirky funny best friend character with jack and also doing the whole “somehow this not-very-dramatic situation with teenagers is treated as The Most Dramatic Thing Ever and that’s totally normal and nobody finds it strange” disney trope with rian and alex being soulmates and i was like (deep sigh) i have to accept that no matter how much i try to fight this, this fic is going to be tainted with disney. and that’s life

on top of that i will add that the real-life rilex were extremely inspiring during the two-day period during which i wrote this fic, because that was when the once in a lifetime video came out and in the brief pre-video livestream rilex were Beyond Married and that definitely helped in the writing of fic rilex!

hmmmm what can i tell you about this fic itself.................honestly, i don’t think there’s much to tell! rian is a band kid because in real life rian was a band kid and he’s staff manager at rita’s just like he was in real life. there is truthfully not a lot to unpack here that i can think of!

oh here’s something i guess: rian and alex go on a date in this fic! that is because watching So Much Disney made me realize that i often forget the fact that people just. go on dates. sometimes. look i clearly do not have an active romantic life but i also really liked the idea of alex and rian going on a date despite not knowing if they’d be soulmates or not and liking each other organically just by getting to know each other, rather than being victim to the whole soulmate thing. like i wanted them to build a connection so that they would want to be soulmates. and then the audience would want that for them too. stakes!! very important.

i can tell you i had a mild crisis over the title of the fic because i am not a fan of the word brain and i didnt wanna use that sticky lyric for the title when it had a word i hated but it was objectively a much better title option than the other one i had, which was “sticky just like the song in my head” but i obviously decided on the former and it has not upset me nearly as much as i expected it to so that was the right decision imo

so! i think that’s all on that! sorry (?) that it got so long although then again i don’t know what’s to be expected in a director’s cut for two long fics but thank you for asking me about these, i love them both so very much rilex is so supremely underrated but so very important

[chatxkilluaxnoir]

I Finally Finished My TAU’s 6th Year Tauathon Fic, Yay!  I’m So Tired Now.  I’m Gonna Take A Break now, after...

I finish proofreading and editing that fic I have been working on for the Transcendence Zine here on tumblr.  I hope they are still taking it, I have been working on it periodically while also writing at the Tauathon fic that I have been working on at the same time.  

And funnily enough, I actually got that tauathon fic done first.  To be fair, my tauathon fic was shorter.  It is over 8, 000 words which isn't short, but it still shorter than that other fic I have been working on for the zine.  Which I hope isn't too long for a zine.  I haven't really participated in a zine before this.  I haven't done or/& bought much zine stuff before this.  

In my free time, I am for sure gonna be participating in more zines like this, not for just Gravity Falls and TAU, but other fandoms I’m in like HxH/Hunter x Hunter and Undertale to name some (some other favorite things of mine).  I'm also gonna be starting to buy some more zines, probably physical, because I prefer I that.  Will try being the key word, because of money, but I really want to do that.  

But yeah, I haven’t really entered a zine before, so I hope my fic isn't too long for it, and that they are still taking entries.  I told them I was entering, but I don't know.  I have been busy writing posts, comments, replies, and most importantly fics lately that I haven't really been using tumblr and etc. a lot lately.  Including going on the TAU zine’s tumblr.  

Mainly in order to not get distracted and get those things done.  Including the 2 TAU fics I have been working on.  One for the Tauathon and one for the TAU zine.  I really wanted to get those 2 fics done before going on tumblr more.  And with one of the done (tauathon one), and the other in major editing/proofreading stage (the TAU zine), I have a bit more time to post and do stuff on tumblr and other places.  Not much since I have a lot of posts, comments, replies, and etc. to get done, some I have delated too long, eiter out of shyness or being busy that I need to get done as well.  And the TAU zine fic that needs finishing and polishing.  

The funny thing is that I started that fic before the tauathon zine by quite a bit.  But with actually knowing the (kinda) due date of the tauathon fic unlike the zine one (at least last time I checked.  Which has been a bit.  Crossing my fingers' that my fic isnt too long, and too late to enter into it.  I have worked just as hard if not harder on that zine fic as the tauathon one.  Which is a lot), and haven't had finished and posted it yet a few days or so that date (Oct. 5th), pushed me to get it done quicker and first.  Even though I started it second.  

Though, It is also taking me longer to do the zine fic, because it is longer (not by a lot, but it still is), somehow even more complicated (I will admit, both these fics are a bit convoluted.  I like my complex stuff.  Even though I'm also super insecure if my writing is good enough to handle want to do and write.  Its fricken great.), and needs a lot of proof reading and editing to do.  

Something that usually takes me just as long as writing the actual fic, if not longer.  Since I’m the type of person who just plans and writes in rushes, then edits an grammar, better flow, person and pov, and etc. stuff later on.  And the zine fic has a lot more weird, different formatting, povs and 1st/2nd/and/or 3rd person stuff than the tauathon, and all of those things some of the things Im most worried about getting right, consistent, or at least making sense (and being as as readable and well-written as possible).  

Honestly, I would probably post more fics, if wasn't for me thinking that I really need to work on those things (as well as sometimes getting too wordy, a bit convoluted, and expositiony/explanationy with stuff.  I need to be/do better with that.  Need to also work on being even more natural, and also not hurting my readers brains too much or confusing them), and being more nervous about posting stuff partially because of that.  

Really, I would have gotten a beta for both my fics, because I would really love the help.  But the tauathon fic I just really wanted to get posted for the tauathon, and the fic for the zine, I didn't know if was allowed to let other people look it, even for beta’ing, so yeah.  Plus, I didn't really know how to get a beta, at least not as quick as would like for these fics.  

Anyways, maybe I should finally check out the TAU discord(s) in general, but also for getting some help and betas, because I would love such things.  Also, been meaning to check out TAU discord, but I haven't been able to really use discord for awhile.  But yeah, Im for sure gonna be checking it/them/TAU discord(s) out soon, because it will be great.  And just want to stuff on discord in general, its been awhile.  

Saying all this, Im happy I got the Tauathon fic done.  I have a post down below linking it to where I posted it on AO3 if anyone wants to read it.  I don’t if I shared that post and my story the right way.  I see a lot of people, both posting the fic and liking other places like AO3 or/& Wattpad.  But I didn't know if I should do that, or if my fic was too long to do that.  So I just shared my AO3 fic here.  If you think I should also post the whole fic here, and just link other places instead of (or maybe even as well) doing what I did, please tell me, I would love to know?  And it wouldn't even be just for that fic though, it will be for future ones as well.  

If you think I should do post the whole fic here and then link it, I will probably make another post then.  Probably wont delete the original post though, because that will probably be the easier way for people to just read on AO3, plus I like that post and tags I did for it.  Wish me luck on finishing that other TAU fic (for the zine) I have been working on, it is even longer and harder to do than my 1st one.  The idea, format, and concept itself is just for the most part my complex, then when you the other stuff, it is even trickier.  

I'm also gonna finally be checking out that TAU zine tumblr again to see if I'm not pass the due date.  I admit another reason I'm putting that off, is because I feel really nervous if am actually, since I have worked on the fic for it, and think its quite good.  This always happens when replying and checking out stuff for me, I sometimes get very nervous, then I feel bad because I sometimes take awhile to do such things, I have kept people waiting for awhile, which I'm definitely not doing on purpose, but I still do.  Though, stuff also takes me awhile, usually because it is long and want to be really good, but still.  

So yeah, I should take a break after finishing that fic, and posting something on AO3 for the 1st time, but Im not since I still have that other TAU fic to finish, which I am gonna finish, it has already been long enough.  Once I'm done with it though, I'm finally taking a break, because I am really tired.  This has taken a lot of energy out of me, esp. with my need to do always do stuff long and try to do it as good as possible at the time.  

Alright done posting for awhile, at least until I finish my other fic, and take a break.  Though, I might do some reblogs, likes, and etc. in the meantime while finishing up that fic.  Though, when I say no breaks and other stuff till I get that fic done, I will probably still read some fics, watch some videos, and make some other comments/replies, because I need more variety, and I need some breaks intermittently, even if not full-on ones, because I need some kind of small breaks.  

I will probably keep on writing that fic while doing most of those things, because I like to do things in long bursts, because if I don't it can be hard to finish stuff even if I want to, so yeah.  Anyways, see you everyone, this was a nice and like most of all my stuff long, talk!