#TOP 8 EXERCISES TO TRY AT HOME

[espionscribe]

The 8 Best At-Home Workout Routines

If you are someone who hates workouts and even yawns whenever the idea of a workout pops up in your mind, now is high time you should immediately need to consider your health. Workout has countless benefits and if executed correctly it can also save you money by disbursing off those extra bucks in the gym.

So, whether you are a gym person or not, or regardless of how short you are with time, you need to clear a space out in your living room and get started with shedding some extra kilos from your body and making your life better than usual.

Below we have shared the top 8 exercises to try at home which will not only help you to maintain your body shape but also your inner peace effortlessly. The below top 8 exercises to try at home can be scaled to anyone be it beginner, intermediate, or pro you are. So, with high spirits, energy & positivity let's begin this amazingly productive article.

1) Bridge

It helps you to strengthen your back and stretches your muscles from the chest, neck, and spine. This exercise also helps you to shed off the extra muscles from your back while making your back stronger.

2) Knee Pushups

This pose will help you with maintaining the balance of your upper body. This is the most common exercise to do when you can't do full pushups initially. The knee pushups will help you in building strength

3) Chair Squat

Squats are a very effective pair of exercises to strengthen your core and legs. It also makes your body movements easier. All you need to do is keep a chair behind you when you are doing chair squats.

4) Planks

Doing planks brings you too many benefits to be counted. It helps you to maintain posture, build core strength, improve flexibility, and even mental health. Planks also help you to improve body alignment and keep you safe from ailments.

5) Side-lying hip abduction

If you are a woman then this exercise is a boon to your body. Side-lying hip abduction helps in the prevention and treatment of knee pain. It also improves agility and helps you burn that extra side waist and hip fat.

6) Dead bug

This exercise plays an important role in opposite arms & legs limb movement. It also improves lumbopelvic stability and along with that, it is very effective in improving breathing patterns in your body.

7) Superman

The name might sound funny but the exercise is very effective when you are looking for improving the stability of your spine, and boost athletic performance. This also reduces back pain & improves posture.

8) Get-up squat

Every exercise we have mentioned above is either strengthening you or improving your body in varieties of ways. Get-up squat is also one of them when is intended to strengthen your skeleton, spine, and lower body muscles. As you'll grow older you might feel less elasticity in your muscles, ligaments & tendons but doing regular get-up squats will help you slow down this process.

Wrapping up

There is no denying that exercise cures many ailments and even prevents many from getting contracted. Workout doesn't only help you maintain your body weight and stay fit but it also makes your skin shine and look younger. So, why you are refraining your body from imbibing this many health benefits, try the workout from today itself and see what magic this brings in your body & life eventually.

[virgo-barbie]

bimbo starter kit ✨💖

it can take a while for a bimbo to feel comfortable with cosmetic procedures, or even just to secure the necessary finances to take the next step in her journey! here are a list of things you can start on right away while you figure out the rest.

1. exercise! a bimbo's body is her best weapon. try to aim for a couple times a week at least. if you don't like running, try pilates, yoga, dance, anything. it's just important that you feel connected to your body in some way.

2. spray tans! for me, this really amps up my sex appeal. my skin has a golden hue that a spray tan really brings out. if i don't have time to go get professionally tanned biweekly, i'll use a tanning mousse instead. it gives a similar effect, but the spray tan is a bit more realistic.

3. manicure and pedicure! what is a bimbo without her claws? i personally love having acrylic nails. i don't have them right now because i can't have acrylics when i go in for my breast augmentation, but i almost always do otherwise. i like barbie pink or long white claws. both are very feminine and look great wrapped around the base of a cock or squeezing a beautiful boobie! having your toes done is also important - nobody wants to suck on and lick mangled feet, and you need to be prepared to be worshipped at any point in time.

4.new clothes! i literally threw everything out and started fresh with a wardrobe of basics. 5 pairs of tiny short shorts, about 20 basic tops in pink, white, and black. I am working my way up towards more exciting statement pieces and building up my shoe and purse collection, but this all takes time. In the meantime, you need clothes that look good on your body and show off your best assets. after my breast augmentation, i will be getting a bunch of new clothes from brands like skims, alo, for love & lemons, etc. for my more bimboish pieces, i kind of just shop around, but i think it's important to have a ton of basic pieces so you can create endless outfits. the mini skirts, fur coats and heels can come later - once you have things to wear them with that make you look super stylish and more importantly... show off your body.

5. get your hair done professionally! most bimbos like to be blonde (myself included) and unless you're already blonde to start with, i see absolutely no reason you should do this at home. save up some money and find a hair stylist in your town who specializes in blonde hair. you won't regret it, and there's nothing bimbo about having crusty, fried hair. if you're not certain if blonde is the best route for you (it probably is), ask a stylist! pink also looks adorable on bimbos with a more cutesy y2k style. a good haircut with some face framing layers can also completely change your whole look.

6. whiten your teeth! invest in a whitening foam and tray, or just use strips. i've had a similar effect with both.

7. get good with fake eyelashes! they elevate any makeup look from fresh to sexy. once you've had lip filler, lip gloss and lipstick will also become your new best friend.

8. silly little accessories! may i suggest a pink lollipop or bubblegum? this will help keep the attention on your perfect little mouth all day and will also give you something cute to distract yourself with while you fantasize about being used out in public.

[ixhika-jsx]

𝖼𝖼::⌗ -⌗𝖼𝖼:: ?? ⌗ -⌗

Top Secrets of Straight-A Students by Bullet Journals

Scrolling away from this post just proves you being an average student....go on scroll away you are doing good by decreasing competition. 🫶🏻😽

1.) They get to class early. Getting to class early gives you time to be prepared and ready to study. Review your notes from the day before, lay out all your supplies (notebook, water bottle, pens, etc). You can also ask the teacher any questions you had about the material.

2.) They get ahead. The second they get an assignment, no matter when it is due, they do it. This is so so helpful. Do NOT procrastinate. You just end up being exhausted and tired. It's not worth it. You might as well finish once you get it. Life will be so easy, believe me.

3.) They have an organized schedule. They figure out a schedule that works for them. They make sure to include time for extracurriculars, breaks, meal times, etc. Try to map out EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of your day.

4.) They prepare. They lay out their clothes for the next day, they finish their homework early, they even plan out what they will have for their meals for the next few weeks and what exercises theyt will be doing.

5.) They enjoy learning and want to learn. They aren't just there because they have to be. They have ajust there because they have to be. They have a strong desire to learn. When you want to learn (even if you fake it) you usually do better on exams and papers.

6.) Everything is organized. Their desk has nothing on it but their Mac, their pens are neatly on the shelf in small cups, they make their beds the second they get out of bed. They have a filing system, so the second they get papers back they put them in the files. When everything of yours has a home it's a lot easier to study and be productive.

7.) They treat school like their job. They may have other part-time jobs, but they know that school is their main focus, and it should therefore be treated as a job. Not wanting to be fired from your job corresponds with not wanting to fail your classes. They therefore work as hard as they can and try to "impress" the boss.

8.) They give it everything they have. They are dedicated, have goals, and know what they want. They don't want to "just get through high school/college." They want to learn, they want to become successful, and most are even aiming for goals such as valedictorian. They won't accept B's or C's. (Please note that while it is very good to have high standards. getting a lower grade once in awhilehigh standards, getting a lower grade once in awhile isn't that big of a deal!!!)

9.) They keep themselves happy and healthy. They take well deserved breaks (only when everything is done), they have "off" days, they get enough SLEEP and WATER, and they keep themselves fit doing yoga, running, cardio, etc.

10) They don't mind helping other people. They don't turn a blind eye to people who need help. Instead they use it as a teaching experience, and help the student through the problem or whatever they need help with. Teaching people is super helpful. I sometimes write on my whiteboard and pretend that I am teaching an imaginary (I'm such a loser but it helps;).

[annoyingkenku]

So, you know how we can become insanely strong with training and exercise? Sometimes with our muscles getting so big and dense that they tear through our skin(it's a biggggg ouchie and hard to deal with) imagine being on a station and a four armed extremely muscled alien walks into one of us ripped humans exercising easily with weights their species biggest members would struggle with.

A: *walks into the gym hearing a weight trainer groan under the strain of almost every single weight the gym has piled on top of it, fully expecting to see one of his species under it*

A:*sees a human?!? * w-what... Stars..... WAIT HOW?!

H: oh! Hi A how ya doing? *legs shaking under the weights trying to crush them into the floor and ignoring the adjustable grav sensors screaming with danger errors*

A: I am okay H... But I need to know what unholy stimulant combination you took that convinced you to try doing this.

H: what? What you mean stimulants *mid squat* I'm working out and this was the only thing that actually gave me a challenge.

A: A CHALLENGE?! H! The strongest of my species wouldn't be able to lift what you are lifting without ingesting enough stimulants to kill 8 derups!

H: yea a challenge, the grav sensors won't let me turn them up to earth gravity and the weights here are a hell of a lot lighter than at home. Honestly most of the challenge was disabling the error system so I can turn the grav sensors as high as they will go.

A: *does a high pitched squeak that he wasn't sure his species could even do* ʸᵒᵘ ʷʰᵃᵗ, H I am really concerned right now. Your home gravity is higher than the grav sensors max output.... Wait fuck you DISABLED the safety mechanisms too... How did your people get off world with the gravity like that, how are you managing to lift all that..... HOW?!

H: uhhhhhh dude... You all right? And in order of your questions, we strapped ourselves to chemically propelled rockets at first wearing what amounted to bags of our atmo so we could breathe, that has been sorted out a longgggg time ago now and I'm lifting all of this for a few reasons, 1 I need to work out to stay in shape, 2 our bodies evolved under high grav pressure so we are really strong even when not training as our bones, muscles and tendons are very dense and efficient so we can move around earth grav with as little energy expenditure as possible. And as for your third question *stands up grunting with the effort and racks the weights* SPITE!

A: spite? What is that?

H: basically weaponised anger. Out of spite for being really light and that terask looking fucker in cantina 4 saying I won't be able to beat him in a fight. I am GOING to beat him.

A: ..... I really don't understand you humans

H: that's fine we don't really understand you lot either... Anyway wanna go freak the others out with our tolerance for spice?

A: yes that sounds fun but please don't make me eat your horror story of concentrated poison again.... Wait you do know spice is considered a poison by the rest of the galaxy right?

H: .... Huh.... That does explain things....

A: what?

H: never mind come on let's get going *switches off the grav sensors and throws the weights back into their racks perfectly*

A:*stunned and respectful*

[forcedtogrow]

You're SO fucking handsome. That arm hair on your muscles......😍

Do you have any advice for home workouts? I'm trying to work on my arms and legs, all I can think to do is push-ups and squats.

I’m not great at at-home for legs because I didn’t start getting more muscle there until I did heavy weights. There’s no sub for squatting when you get to a place you can do that. I’d recommend step-ups, Bulgarian split squat, and lunges. Typically 10-12 reps for 4 sets each. Arms are tricky because accessory movements (curls and exercises that target one muscle) are not very effective on their own, and are p much always inferior to compound movement that involves several muscle groups. Doing pull-ups, rows, tricep dips on a chair (target lower chest as well! The ppl need to know), bodyweight rows, and then some reverse grip push ups (don’t remember what these are called, but the hands are pointed towards you and you do a regular push up with force coming from your bicep and moving you forward a little at the top of the movement). Those movements should be 3-5 sets of reps until failure (what I would do) or at minimum 8 reps per exercise. If it’s too hard lower the reps and slow the movement as much as possible.

I upped my T dose and suddenly am covered in body hair, more on my abdomen than anything but my friend just pointed out how much hair is growing on my arms now. It also upped my acne but that’s nothing compared to all the positives.

[snapthistiger]

exercise 08142024

bike ride to the gym

8 x 10 incline sit ups

3 x 10 pec machine

3 x 10 lat raise

3 x 10 low row

30 minutes on the step mill

3 x 10 seated press

worked lifeguard job 8a to 2p

bike ride to Kroger, my Mom's primary doctor office, then home

the gym workers received mini Hershey bars

at work i watched swimmers for 5 hours and cleaned for 1 hour. my coworker and i listened to 70s rock and roll for about an hour and enjoyed reminiscing

talked to clerk at my Mom's primary doctor office about possibly getting a referral to another orthopedic doctor. still have not been able to get an appointment with the ortho doctor that the hospital referred to. clerk said she would get the nurse to review the information and see about a different referral

called the orthopedic doctor again and the clerk said the doctor is in surgery and will try to get me an appointment for tomorrow morning. hoping she calls. uuuggggggghhhhhh

top left = my bluetooth speaker

bottom = Halloween decorations at 530a this morning

hope you have a peaceful afternoon and evening..

[billdecker]

so yesterday i left the grounds of my flat for the first time since march and stuff happened...

my dentist on the edge of the town centre and is across the road from the town's biggest supermarket, a high school, and the town college so the traffic was mayhem. i was anxiety ridden anyway because of my agoraphobia, general the world outside being Too Much, and my dentist phobia, but being late on top of that sent me to the edge of meltdown. I think it shows that I am very slowly progressing because not too long ago I would've just lost my mind and not be able to go through with the appointment.

got there right on time. bossed my appointment. I still have loads of work to have done but my dentist gave me a good report and said I just need to be more confident brushing my teeth. so I was feeling Very Happy with myself and went to sit in the reception area while my partner sorted out my prescription and next appointment. he helps me to sit down, makes sure I'm calm, and then heads down to the other end of the room. the reception is empty except for me, two women and two kids (age around 14 and 8/9).

the youngest kid then says to her mum in the LOUDEST WHISPER EVER, "she's fat." And yes, I am. I'm a uk30, which is big. I have shit mobility. it's a viscious of circle of that I need to go outside to practice walking again and yet I'm stuck in my flat because of agoraphobia, and the reason I'm so agoraphobic is because I've literally had people point and laugh at me in the street and shout abuse because of my size. this was even before people thought it was okay to film strangers on the street and post it online.

I gave them my best death glare. The mum goes, 'Shhhh!' and the little girl and her sister spend the rest of the time I'm in reception nudging each other, trying to look at me when I'm not looking, and trying not to laugh. I somehow kept it together and avoided another massive meltdown or saying something I regret and being unable to return to the dentist because of embarrassment. My partner came back to me, we left, and then my dad took my partner to the supermarket to get some stuff. I stayed in the car and listened to my dad rant about the us election and bitcoin and had to explain doge to him.

I kept it all in until I got home and then I told my partner and had a good cry. I've tried to focus on the positive in that I got through my appointment with very few tears shed and I'm making good progress on my treatment. I vaguely mentioned it on my IG post I made because I was proud of going outside, and then today my auntie comments and part of her comment is, 'at least you got someone coming home at night.' what the fuck has that got to do with going to the dentist?? i'm sorry your husband died three years ago diane but what the fuck???

usually when I go outside I need weeks to recover from it. i don't have that. next wednesday i am finally going to see my gp to ask for an autism referral. i'm already bricking it. my bff is doing hers through right to choose with an online psychiatry place, and while i'd be seen a lot quicker I don't feel comfortable with using teams things and am wary about being able to express myself through a screen. the downside is if i wait for the nhs then i'll be waiting for years.

that's if my gp agrees. he's a dick. i asked him for weight loss help/psych help with my binge eating and he referred me to a private weight loss group that focused on group bootcamp exercises which why the fuck would i ever go to that when i'm agoraphobic?? the private weight loss people said that my only other option was vouchers for slimming world. they did no one-to-one psych or counselling.

anyway wish me luck for next wednesday. i'm gonna need it for getting out of the flat again with the confirmed fear that i could get actually laughed at and people are no kinder, let alone getting myself referred for an assessment.

[t0talbra1nd3ath]

Facts about Efren? 🙏 (I’m fixating on him at a concerning rate rn)

IVE BEEN WITING FOR THIS QUESTIONNN

Efren Lore + Fun Facts

(May contain some mild spoilers)

I think out of all of the DBM characters Efren has the most mild lore.

He's Filipino, but he was born and grew up in USA. His full name is Danilo Efren Dagohoy (yes he goes by his middle name). He doesn't really know any language other than English, though his parents did try to teach him Tagalog and he did take Spanish in high school.

His family is overall very average: middle class, suburban white picket fence house, church on Sundays, etc. He has 4 siblings - one older brother, and three younger siblings - two sister and a toddler brother.

Despite the pretty average upbringing he was always the black sheep of the family. He was always the biggest out of the five siblings, being born the weight of 8 pounds and 11 ounces. He was a chubby kid, though during puberty he started to grow really tall and with a bit of regular exercise he developed an impressive muscle mass.

He was always freakishly strong and completely unaware of it. In kindergarten and primary school he would get in trouble for accidentally hurting other kids and breaking toys. This self control issue really came to a boiling point when he accidentally killed the neighbours cat while playing with it. After that incident most of the kids his age in the area weren't allowed to talk to him. In middle school he became more of a loner and that stays true even to this day.

He still lives in a suburban-ish area. There aren't any houses near by but there is a road that joggers frequent near by.

Efren works from home as a cyber security guy for a whole array of websites ranging from sketchy to full on illegal. On top of being naturally strong he also has a talent for IT. In high school he would make simple viruses and hack into random websites for shits and giggles. That is actually how he got his job - he broke into one of those sketchy websites and after being tracked down on suspicions of being a fed he was offered to either work for them or perish (lol).

Efren has a very skewed sense of empathy. He doesn't feel much for people, you could confess your undying love to him or shoot yourself in the head in front of him and he wouldn't care either way. On the other hand he has insane levels of empathy towards animals, even the "gross ones" like bugs, snakes, arachnids, etc. He gets genuinely mad if someone kills a spider.

Other than a skewed sense of empathy Efren also has a very odd aggression response. His emotional response to being mad never results in impulsive physical or verbal aggression (yes ik in-game it's not really shown, I'll have to rewrite a few sections). But what does illicit impulsive physical aggression in Efren is something cute. That is the primary reason he won't get an actual pet cat, even though he desperately wants one, he is terrified of hurting it.

Ok now for a rapid-fire-round-up of small fun facts:

Efren hates beer! His favourite alcoholic drinks are a vodka-redbull and a banana daiquiri.

Efren is a massive nerd, he grew up spending all his free time playing video games and nowadays since his schedule is pretty lax he spends a large amount of his time watching anime and playing FPS shooters.

Efren has a two pet tarantulas named Tarantino and Tammy (they are both female).

Ok this turned out much longer than expected, sorry for the info dump Q_Q

Let me know if any on y'all are interested in lore on Isra and Hawk!! (I'm holding off on Orion lore since it would be a major spoiler for the full game)

[changingplumbob]

Pancakes Household: Chapter 8, Part 5

In this part Bob tries another food sale and gets ready for his birthday. Eliza takes they day off and they celebrate him becoming an adult. Lastly Onyx has a new dream. Contains some sim spice, as usual no pixel private parts are shown.

Bob takes Ginger out for their regular run and decides to stream it to try increase his fame. He needs fame for promotion and a level 10 career is his dream. I take the opportunity to enjoy the views of the bay, as everyone else is at work or school.

Back home he washes his hands before beginning some more baking. The bench quickly becomes filthy but he reminds the camera that as long as they don’t dump the mixture on the counter, it’ll be fine. When Fergus and Onyx get home they both quicky skim through their homework before their after school activities. Good news today, Onyx has reached A student level! Will they be able to keep it with their cheer commitments though?

Bob: Let’s see here

Onyx: Later dad, I’m heading to practice

Bob: Good luck! Okay, everything is arranged. Come one, come all, we have fudge bars!

Before the sale gets too underway however the drone malfunctions. Bob has been using it a lot lately. Guess he will just have to charm customers by himself.

It seems like Bob may be inspiring some loyalty. The first few customers are all ones that purchased snacks from him at the dog park! Onyx arrives home and resists the temptation to grab a lemon bar for free. Fergus also arrives back from drama club at the same time and can talk to Briana who came around after school. She is not having a good day so Fergus tries to cheer her up with some jokes.

Eliza arrives home and has a proud wife moment when she sees all the sims keen to try Bob’s baking. Inside it’s grand meal leftovers for everyone. Following dinner while Bob is still doing his sale, Eliza heads to the computer to file reports for work, gaining level 4 in the entrepreneur skill. Onyx spends time practicing on the cheer mat and reaches level 2 fitness. Fergus plays on the treehouse with Briana and reaches level 9 creativity skill.

Bob: Guess who made 250 simoleons on their day off work? This guy

Eliza: Well done. Are you excited for your birthday tomorrow? I’m going to take the day off work

Bob: Why?

Eliza: *laughs* Because it’s your birthday

Eliza has to head to bed but Bob still has some energy. He teaches Ginger how to fetch then carries her inside to save her little legs the trouble.

Light begins to peak over the horizon and Bob and Eliza are snuggled together.

Eliza: Happy Birthday Sleek

Bob: *sleepily* Happy birthday to you

Eliza: *giggles* your birthday, not mine

Bob: My birthday? That must be why I’m waking up next to a drop dead gorgeous woman

Eliza: Bob, I’m not that-

Bob: You are beautiful Jumble, inside and out. Thanks for sticking with me through it all. I love you so much

Eliza: And I love you, clothing piles and all. Now, I do have a day off, the kids can get themselves ready for school… Do you want to start your birthday off right?

...

Onyx: Did you have a good night ginger? Weird, mother is normally up by now. Must be resting

...

Bob: Please… faster…

Eliza: Is that an official birthday request? I’ll take it into consideration

Bob groans in delight as Eliza speeds up.

...

Fergus: You seen dad yet?

Onyx: Nah, he’s probably sleeping in for his birthday. We better be quiet when we leave so we don’t wake them up

The kids have indeed left for school by the time Bob and Eliza get out of bed. While Dale was obsessed with kitchen things it would appear Ginger is fascinated by bathroom plumbing. Following a quick breakfast Eliza suggests they head to the island off the coast to get their exercise in, oh how I wish there was an option to have sims go jogging together. Eliza takes Ginger so Bob has a chance to see how fast he can run without worrying about if the dog can keep up.

Of course no trip to the island would be complete without a visit to the top of the lighthouse. And, since it’s Bob’s birthday after all, a trip inside the lighthouse. I mean it’s a very cloudy day so really they were doing a public service making that light shine out.

Eliza: Oh Bob... is that your adult look?

Bob: It’s not too ridiculous is it

Eliza: It’s completely you Sleek. Ready to age up?

Bob: As ready as I'll ever be

He blows the candles out and spins up while Eliza does her best to sing happy birthday.

Bob hates parties, they are a nightmare for loner sims. However Eliza did manage to convince him to have his friends come over for a “casual catch up” and sure enough Bob enjoys it. He doesn’t feel quite so out of the loop now Onyx has aged up and he can join the discussions on the perils of raising teens.

After school Fergus does his homework before drama club and Onyx fits in some cheer practice since the watcher didn’t have time to follow them to school more this week. In the kitchen, while the adults chat, Ginger has realised that a crime has been committed. Her food bowl is empty! She begins to yap in distress until Eliza comes over to fix the situation.

Ginger: *yapping* thank goodness Mother, I almost STARVED

Harvey: I just don’t understand why he won’t accept some more money. It's not like they couldn't use it

Bob: Maybe he wants to be his own person

Harvey: Yeah or maybe Samir is telling him not to

Kayleigh: Look we don’t know Samir much, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. He was the more attentive of the two when we gave Reece the woohoo talk

Harvey: All I know is we have more than enough and our son is choosing to sleep in a ruin of a house *sighs*

Bob: Do you regret letting him move out

Kayleigh: It’s not that exactly Bob. We're glad he's getting out in the world...

Harvey: It’s more, it hurts imagining him uncomfortable when we could help. I think I'll try give Reece money for his birthday

Bob: If it helps, I can deal with dirty surroundings just fine. Not everyone needs the dust free life to be comfy

The guests are gone by the time the kids get home and Bob figures it would be fine to work on his skills for promotion.

Bob: Do you two mind if I do my cooking livestream

Fergus: Pretty sure you’d do it anyway

Bob: Maybe but I wouldn’t enjoy it as much

Onyx: *laughs* go ahead dad, we’re almost done

Bob: Today followers, we will be looking at the best way to cook a rack of lamb. First step, don’t be imagining cute fluffy lambs while cooking, that’s how I get gloomy

Bob continues walking through his cooking process and once the rack is done reaches level 10 Gourmet Cooking skill. I’m so proud of him, well done Bob!

Fergus heads to play some games but Onyx has other tasks on their mind. First they set the table, then they check the house for dirty dishes. Finally they pick up Ginger’s latest poop to throw away. They want a horse! Of course a horse is a big ask for their parents so they’re trying to get everything just right to convince them that they should have one.

Eliza: My husband, level 10 gourmet cooking! Oh it’s simply too good for words!

Ginger: *yaps* you’ll cook me pet food when???

Eliza: I myself managed to level up my debating skill, so all that’s left for the next promotion is charisma

Bob: Oh hey, maybe we should throw a dinner party sometime. Take advantage of the charisma boost that comes if it goes well

Eliza: A proper dinner party will take a lot of planning

Bob: I’m sure we can do it together

Fergus is practising his dramatics, despite being too short for the mirror, when Ginger finds him.

Ginger: *yaps* I would like some attention and I would like it now

Fergus: Oh hey Ginger, you are just mastering going up and down stairs aren’t you

Ginger: *yaps* Of course, I’m a dog

Fergus: What have you been doing? You’re all dirty!

Ginger: *yaps* beats me, I literally just stood here and it happened

Before bed Onyx has time for some cheer practice, and judging by their routine, they need it! After falling over several times they cut their losses and head to bed before they can get more bruises. In the morning Bob is first to the breakfast table for once.

Bob: What’s all this

Onyx: They’re called placemats dad

Bob: I know, I do work in a restaurant Onyx, but why are they out? I thought we only used them for fancy times

Onyx: I thought you might like them

Bob: That’s sweet kid. Morning whippersnapper

Fergus: Morning dad

Onyx: Dad, as I’m sitting here eating this brilliant meal so lovingly cooked-

Bob: Alright kid, what is it

Onyx: What do you mean

Bob: I’m a chef, I can tell when something’s getting buttered up

Fergus: Yeah Onyx, even I could smell the cheese a mile away

Onyx: *rolls eyes* I was wondering… would I be able to… maybe if you’re okay with it… get a horse

Bob: *is surprised* Oh, well you know how it goes. Changes in the house get run past the mother

Onyx: But dad if you said yes-

Bob: Wait until your mother is here

Previous Part ... Next Part

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

Make Me Forget

Winter Whumperland 2022: Day 8. Unexpected Kindness Fandom: Top Gun, Top Gun: Maverick, Jake "Hangman" Seresin, f!reader, former Bob x reader

Summary: Soon after a tragedy strikes, Jake finds you at his door late one night. Will he do what he has always dreamt of and you are now begging him for? Or will he find the strength to do what is right?

Word Count: 4300

TW: Emotional Angst, Grief, Death of a Loved One, Main Character Death, Tears, Drunk Reader makes bad decisions, Intoxicated Kiss, Tattoo

Notes: Thank you to @lorecraft and @green-socks for talking me through this and their support! I love you guys!

Sequel to No Laughing Matter but can also be read as a stand-alone piece.

As Jake poured his third glass of bourbon of the night, he was starting to regret not taking Coyote up on his offer to go to the movies with him and his new girlfriend. There wasn’t anything interesting playing, but it would have been nice to take his mind off of things and just mindlessly watch some robots blow some shit up or whatever for two and a half hours. But instead, he was sitting alone in a dimly lit room with only his drink for company. Not his smartest idea, but he just didn’t know how to act around his best friend at the moment.

For the past eight months, Jake had been on an extended medical leave back in Texas after he was injured in a training exercise. The break was actually doing him a lot of good. He had forgotten what it felt like to not have to try to be the best all the time. For the first time since joining the Naval Academy straight out of high school, he let himself relax and didn’t worry about how he compared to those around him. He stopped cutting his hair and grew a beard, both things he was never allowed to do while on active duty. It felt like he had control over everything in his life for once. That was until he had gotten the phone call.

Which was how he found himself staying in this rental house back in California a month before he was to be cleared for active duty. Though they had kept in contact through texts and emails, he hadn’t expected to be in person with the entire Dagger Squad again this soon. Or at least…. almost the entire squad.

Downing the rest of his glass of bourbon, he reached for the bottle to pour another when a knock on his door drew his attention. At almost one a.m., he had no idea who it could be. Only a few people even knew where he was staying, and he had made it clear he wanted to be left alone tonight.

Throwing the door open, Jake inhaled sharply as he saw the last person he expected standing just outside. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

You rolled your eyes. “Well, hello to you too, Jake. You sure know how to make a girl feel wanted.”

“No, I’m sorry. I was just surprised to see you here. Especially this late.”

Neither of you spoke for a long moment, each just staring at the other. Jake hadn’t seen you since the service a few days ago but you looked even worse than you had then. Your hair was a mess, your lipstick was smudged, and your eyes looked sunken and bloodshot. It wouldn’t surprise Jake if he learned you hadn’t slept more than a few hours over the last few days. Not that he would have blamed you. 

Finally, you broke the silence and asked, “You gonna make me keep standing out here, or are you gonna let me in?”

 “Oh, right, sorry.” Jake held the door open wider as you pushed past him into the house. “How’d you get here? You didn’t drive, did you?”

You scoffed. “No. Do you really think I’m that irresponsible? Phoenix put me in a car after she made me leave the bar. The guy was driving past and I remembered you were staying here while you were in town.” You stumbled slightly as you walked around the small space examining the decor. It was clear why Phoenix sent you home for the night, though Jake was surprised she hadn’t insisted on going with you.

You spotted the still-open bottle of bourbon sitting on the table and grabbed at it, almost knocking it off the table. Without even trying to look for a glass, you pressed it to your lips and took a long swig. You grimaced as you swallowed yet raised the bottle for a second drink, but Jake placed his hand on your wrist before you could.

He gently eased the bottle out of your hand and set it back down. Running his hand lightly up and down your arm, he asked, “Not that it isn’t great to see you and all, but whatcha doing here, sweetheart? It’s late and it looks like you’ve already had an exciting night. Maybe you should just be heading home. I can drive you.” He reconsidered as he remembered the three glasses of bourbon he had drank that night. “Well, I can make sure you get home safely.”

“I don’t wanna go home,” you muttered faintly as you ran your fingers through the few drops of bourbon that had fallen onto the table. “I came here for you. I want you to do what you said…. last year in the bar.”

Jake’s brow furrowed as he tried to remember what you might be talking about. “I say a lot of things. You wanna give me a hint which one you’re talking about?”

Awkwardly removing your jacket and letting it fall to the floor behind you, you took a step closer causing Jake to step back so you didn’t bump into his chest. “You said one night was all it would take. That after one night with you, I would forget his name. I’m here so you can help me forget.”

Jake felt all the blood drain from his face as he realized what you were talking about. The night in the Hard Deck when he had gotten very drunk and tried to fight Bob. Not that it had been much of a fight considering Bob had laid him out with a single punch, but Jake had still felt awful about it. He apologized to both you and Bob the next day and it seemed like that night had been pretty much forgotten by everyone involved. But he guessed he was wrong….

Jake placed his hands on your now bare shoulders. “Sweetheart, you know I didn’t mean that. It was a stupid, drunken mistake that–”

“You meant it.” Your tone wasn’t harsh or accusing, just matter-of-fact. You took yet another step closer. “You’ve wanted me since the first day we met, don’t deny it. And you can try to brush off all your comments as teasing but I saw the look in your eye when you made them. You meant every word. But that’s okay. Because tonight, I’m giving you exactly what you’ve always wanted.”

You slammed your lips against Jake’s, catching him by surprise as you pushed him back against the wall. Your hands threaded through his long locks, grabbing hold and using them to pull him even deeper into your lips. Jake could taste the strong sting of alcohol on your breath as your tongue slipped clumsily into his mouth and he froze, unsure of what to do.

For just a second, he considered it. He had dreamt about you often since the day Bob introduced you, and they were always the sort of dreams where he couldn’t look Bob in the eye for a few hours afterward. Yet he had resigned himself to the fact that even if you and Bob ever broke up, you weren’t the kind of girl to go for someone like him. So this, this kiss, this chance, it was more than he ever hoped for.

And yet the second you slid your knee up to rub against the growing bulge in his pants, he snapped out of it. Grabbing your wrists, he gently untangled your hands from his hair and eased you off of him. Your eyes darted across his face, so desperate and confused as to why he pulled away that he almost lost his resolve and pressed his lips against yours once more.

Panting slightly, he whispered, “We can’t do this. I–I can’t do this.”

“Why not? It’s what you always wanted.”

“I can’t,” Jake whispered again, shaking his head.

Running your thumb over his cheek, tears began to roll down your face as you whispered back, “Yes, you can. It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s gone, Jake. He’s gone, and I’m falling apart without him. I just need someone right now. I need you. I need you to take me back into the bedroom and do what you’ve always wanted, just…. just make me forget. Please. Just for tonight. I just need this pain to go away for just one goddamn night.”

You leaned forward again but he shifted slightly so instead of your lips meeting, your foreheads did. Pressing firmly against you, Jake closed his eyes and took several long, deep breaths before he muttered, “Please don’t ask me again. I’m not a good enough man to deny you a third time. You’re right, I’ve always wanted you. I still want you. But not like this. We both deserve better than that.” Jake opened his eyes and stared directly into yours. “He deserves better than that.”

You jerked your head back as if he had slapped you, rapidly blinking in shock. Releasing him, you stumbled back from the wall, turning your back to him. When you finally faced him once more, Jake could tell some of the alcohol-induced fog had lifted. Tears were streaming down your face more quickly now and your bottom lip was quivering so hard, he could almost hear your teeth chattering.

Wrapping your arms across your chest, you sobbed, “What am I doing? He’s been gone for only a little over a week and I’m already throwing myself at one of his best friends.” 

Jake wasn’t sure if you were just being hyperbolic in the heat of the moment, but hearing you call him “one of his best friends” caused a knot to form in Jake’s chest. But he ignored his own pain and tried to gather you into his arms, “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay.”

You struggled to free yourself from his embrace. “No, it’s not! I promised him I’d never do something like this. That he was the only one I ever wanted to be with. And now…. Now I almost–” Another wailing sob ripped through you, cutting off the rest of your words. 

Jake didn’t know what to do. In fact, he’d been having a harder time than expected dealing with what happened. As unrealistic as it was, Jake couldn’t help but wonder if things would have been different if he had been back from leave and flying with the squad. Maybe he could have provided cover for Phoenix and Bob’s plane. Maybe that lucky bullet from the enemy wouldn’t have broken through the canopy and struck Bob in the neck. Maybe then he wouldn’t have bled out before Phoenix could even land the plane.

But all the what-ifs and could-have-been’s in the world wouldn’t change the fact that Bob was dead, and you were currently falling apart in Jake’s arms. However, where Jake might not have been there to help Bob then, he damn sure was going to do everything in his power to help you now.

“Sweetheart, look at me. Look at me!” You stopped struggling and gazed helplessly into Jake’s eyes. “I can’t be your Band-Aid to try to stop the pain, but you did nothing wrong tonight. It was only just a kiss and even if it had gone farther, you wouldn’t have been breaking any promises to him. Even in marriage, these things are only ‘til death do us part’, right? You held up your end of the bargain and he would understand. He would want you to be happy.”

 “But I’m not! How am I ever supposed to be happy again when Bob is gone! We had our whole lives planned out together. He was going to propose and leave the Navy after his next tour so we could start a family. But now it’s all gone and I don’t know what to do.” 

All of the fight suddenly went out of you, and you collapsed limply into Jake’s arms. Holding you tightly, Jake slowly sank to the floor and pulled you into his lap. Balling your fists into his shirt, you clung to him frantically as your body was wracked with sobs. There was nothing Jake could do but hold you tight and remind you that you weren’t alone.

After what seemed like hours, your sobs softened into sniffles before you eventually fell silent. Finally, you whispered, “Jake, how do I do this? It’s just too big. How do I deal with it?”

He took a deep breath and held it for a second before slowly releasing it. “I honestly don’t know. I guess you just take it one day at a time. It’s the best any of us can do. But you’re not alone. Let your friends help you through this.”

“Is that what we are, Jake? Friends?”

“I’d like to think so.” There was a moment of silence before Jake asked, “Why did you really come here tonight? To me. Was it just because you were driving by or….”

“You weren’t supposed to be this noble,” you chuckled dryly. “I thought out of everyone… Coyote has his new girlfriend, Fanboy and Payback can barely look at me right now, and Rooster’s been glued to Phoenix’s side all week. She’s trying to be strong for me but I know how much she is hurting too and he’s really helped her deal with things. So, that left you. And with your reputation and your little thing for me, I thought it was a full-proof plan. I guess I underestimated you. I’m sorry.”

“No, I guess that’s fair. You were right when you said I wanted you and that there was some truth behind my jokes and teasing. But I hope you know I would never have actually done anything. I wouldn’t have done that to Bob.”

You smiled softly as you linked your fingers with his before squeezing his hand. “I know. And so did he. He never minded your flirting because he said he knew at the end of the day you would never actually try it or make a move. And that I would never try anything either. So he just ignored it.” You shook your head softly. “God, how could someone have been so good?”

“I don’t know.” Jake wiped a tear off your cheek. “But he loved you so much. You were all he ever talked about when we were on a mission, just getting back to you. And Phoenix says your name was the last thing he said before…”

“She told me. I just wish I had been able to say goodbye.” Your voice broke and Jake pulled you tightly against his chest as your tears began to fall once more.

But they didn’t last very long. All of your crying must have taken a lot out of you because as your sobs began to dwindle and fade, Jake felt you slowly sagging in his arms. When he glanced down, he saw your eyes drooping further and further. The tears, alcohol, and late hour of night were all catching up to you and it wouldn’t be long before you had passed out completely.

Jake carefully helped get you to your feet before rising off the floor himself. His legs were numb from the way he was sitting, but he tried his best to ignore the sensation as he led you toward the bedroom.

“Where are we goin’?” you mumbled sleepily, your head leaning against his shoulder as he guided you.

“It’s late and I think it’s best if you stay here tonight. You can take my room and I’ll stay out on the couch. That way you can have the bed and a door with a lock if you want it.”

You chuckled softly without lifting your head. “Jake, I literally tried to force myself onto you tonight, and you turned me down. I think I can trust you not to sneak into the room while I’m sleeping.”

“True, but whatever makes you the most comfortable.” 

He helped you climb into bed and covered you with his blanket. Almost immediately, your eyes fluttered closed and your breathing slowed. For just a moment, Jake stood there watching you sleep. You looked so relaxed and peaceful, that he wondered what you were dreaming about. It probably involved a blue-eyed, glasses-wearing WSO, or at least, he hoped it did. 

Leaning over, Jake softly pressed his lips to the top of your head as he whispered, “Good night, sweetheart.”

Then he quietly backed out of the room and went to try to make the couch as comfortable as possible.

The sound of the front door clicking shut woke Jake the next morning. After raising his head slightly and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he saw a note and a still-steaming cup of coffee on the table in front of him. Sitting up, he brought the coffee to his lips as he read the note. It was short and sweet: Thanks for what you did…. and didn’t do.

Jake didn’t hear anything from you after that. He tried to text a few times, but you never responded. He talked to Phoenix so at least he knew you had made it home okay after you left his place, but that was all the information she would give him. 

Days went by and he was just starting to think that he would never see or hear from you again when a knock sounded at his front door. And just like a few nights earlier, he opened it to see you standing there.

This time, you looked more like the you he remembered from before Bob’s death. The bags under your eyes weren’t as pronounced, your clothes looked more put together, and when you smiled at him as he opened the door, there was actually some light in your eyes. “Hey.”

“Hey….” he said as he leaned heavily on the door. “I’ve been thinking about you. How are you?”

“Um, better, I think. Still not good, and I don’t even know if I’ll ever be good again, but I guess progress is progress. Just taking it one day at a time, right?”

He smiled. “Yeah. One day at a time.”

There was a long pause before you said, “You really don’t like inviting me in, do you?”

“Oh! Sorry. Come in.” Jake stepped to the side, allowing you to pass by him, your arm lightly brushing his chest as you did. Once you were inside, he closed the door and asked, “So, uh, what can I do for you, sweetheart?”

With your back to him, you said, “I wanted to thank you for the other night. I wasn’t in a good place and I had been drinking and I made some bad decisions. And while I’m still not in a good place, now that I’m sober I’m mortified about said decisions. But the way you handled it….” You turned to face him, your lip quivering slightly. “Honestly, Jake, I don’t know how I would have ever forgiven myself if I woke up the next morning and realized we had gone through with it. Just thinking about it makes me physically ill.”

“Damn. I don’t think I would have been that bad in bed,” Jake scoffed, but he gave you a wide grin to let you know he was joking.

You smiled softly. “I’m sure you would have been exceptional. And I have no doubt that you could have lived up to your promise of making me forget everyone and everything but you in that moment.” Your face fell. “But after, when I did remember,…. It would have destroyed me. And I’m not saying I’ll never sleep with anyone ever again, but doing it that night– for that reason– would have felt like such a betrayal to Bob’s memory. So thank you for stopping me. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision to make.”

Jake ran his hand over the back of his neck. “I won’t lie and say part of me doesn’t regret not going through with it just a little bit, but overall I’m also glad it didn’t happen. When you feel like it’s time to take that step, you have every right to sleep with whoever you want and you’ll have nothing to feel guilty for. But I agree that night wasn’t the best time for it.”

“No, it wasn’t.” You shifted slightly as you looked at the floor. “I, uh, I was having an extra hard time that night because the Navy finally gave me a box of Bob’s stuff and I found a receipt where he had put a down payment on a ring.”

Inhaling sharply, Jake said, “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

You shook your head. “It’s okay. We had talked about it a lot and I knew he was going to propose soon, I just wasn’t expecting that soon. It just made me think about all of the plans we had made that won’t ever happen now and…. I tried to drink the pain away but when that didn’t happen, I turned to you. It’s not an excuse for why I did what I did, but I thought you should have a little more context for why it happened.”

“No context needed. You got drunk and tried to sleep with the first available person you found. Who hasn’t been there?” You reached out and took his hand, giving it a small squeeze of thanks. The shift in your position drew Jake’s attention to something he hadn’t noticed before. He nodded towards the gauze poking out of the bottom of your shirt sleeve. “Didya do something to your arm?” 

A soft smile spread across your lips as you glanced down at the floor. “I did, actually. I thought a lot about the other night and you made me realize that no matter how painful it is, I never want to forget Bob…. ever. I love him and I will always love him and I don’t want to forget a second of our time together or what he means to me. So, I found a way to keep a constant reminder of that with me always.”

Slowly, you rolled up your sleeve and unwrapped the gauze from your arm, revealing a vibrant tattoo underneath that hadn’t been there the other night. It was a heart made out of a thin branch or vine covered with leaves and small, five-petal blue flowers accented with yellow centers. It was a delicate design that perfectly fit the curvature of your arm.

“Wow. That looks amazing. Remind me to ask for your guy’s number if I ever decide to get more ink.”

Jake reached out to touch the design but hesitated as you whispered, “They’re forget-me-nots.”

He glanced at your face which was still smiling though he could see a hint of moisture collecting in your eyes. When you gave him a small nod, he let his fingers gently graze the tender skin of your freshly inked arm. It was only then that he noticed the small, faint lettering on the stem at the bottom of the heart: BOB. 

Running his thumb over the letters, Jake said, “He would’ve loved this.”

“I think he would’ve too.” You ran your finger over one of the flowers as you gazed at it lovingly. Then you dropped your hand as you cleared your throat. “So, how much longer are you in town?”

Jake straightened up, removing his hand from your arm. “Just a few more days. I should be getting my medical clearance at the end of the month so I need to go home and make sure everything is in order for me to return to active duty.”

“That’s sort of a shame. I think your time on leave has been good for you.”

Jake frowned slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. You’re…. different. Like, it’s not just the longer hair and the beard– both of which look really great on you by the way– but it’s your attitude and how you hold yourself. Plus I don’t think the old Jake would have ever done what you did the other night.”

“Yeah, well, then maybe this new Jake is just an idiot. He’d have to be to ever push you away.”

“Not an idiot. Just a better man than people give him credit for.” Leaning over, you lightly pressed your lips to his cheek. 

Jake felt his heart leap in his chest and it took everything in him not to turn his head and capture your lips with his. But you were right, he had changed. The old Jake probably would have kissed you, yet now….

Clearing his throat as you took a step back, he asked, “What do you think you’ll do now?”

Sighing, you said, “I don’t know. Without Bob, I don’t really have a reason to stay in California. My parents want me to move back near them so I have a familial support system around and I’m considering it. I think a change would be good for me.”

“Apparently, it did wonders for me,” Jake teased. “But whatever you decide, I’m always here if you need anything, anything at all. You have my number.” 

Reaching out, you placed your hand on his arm and gave it a light squeeze. “Thank you. I’ll remember that. And good luck going back to work. Be safe up there.”

You dropped your hand and started to walk out of the door. When you were halfway down the steps, Jake called out, “Hey… Maybe one day in the future if you decide it’s time to move on with someone new, you look me up.”

Glancing back towards the door, you gave him a small, reserved smile. “Maybe…. One day. Goodbye, Jake.” Then you turned and soon disappeared from view. 

Taglist:@nik2blog, @dumb-fawkin-bitch, @shirley2996, @luckyladycreator2, @valoraxxx-blog, @m3laniehearts, @autumnleaves1991-blog,  @rule107, @vintageleather, @impossiblebagelcowboyfreak, @slutforadambanks, @americaarse, @reneki, @ynbutbetter , @sugarcoated-lame, @imagineadream, @sadpetalsstuff, @salty-thembo, @rachelizabethgraham, @duckandrobin, @queenbbarnes, @grincheveryday, @uselesslyromantic, @choochoo284, @littlebadariell, @blue-aconite, @thescarletknight2014, @jamesbuckyburns, @a-sweet-little-fangirl, @happyblogstuff, @randomlifeunit, @boringusername3, @lclove2012-blog, @3tabbiesandalab, @back-tooo-black, @supernaturaldawning, @thestagsheadsblog

[thana-topsy]

Fic Writer Interview

Tagged by @mongoose-bite ! Thanks so much, crunchy. :)

I'm tagging whoever else wants to chime in! I lose track of who all on here I should be tagging lol. Or who might actually want to participate in such a thing.

----

How many works do you have on AO3?

38

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 643,096 words Mostly written within the last 5 years!

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Breathing Water - My flagship fic for the longest time. It still holds up 4 years later! And I'm still simping for Neloth.

Halfway to the Sky - Coming in with only about 30 kudos less than BW, I'm always tickled and humbled and just so honored that so many people like this story.

The Shadow Over Solstheim - This one had the most kudos for the longest time just because it's my oldest multi-chapter fic. Baby's first foray into something more than a smutty one-shot! My writing is unpolished and my lore knowledge is amateurish at best, but it's just so full of verve.

Hollow Men - A fic I honestly didn't expect many people to read due to the subject matter, but one that's near and dear to my heart.

Invictus - The bonkers, off-the-rails sequel to Shadow Over Solstheim in which Topsy discovers TES Lore in real time as they write. I don't think I could ever write something this free again even if I wanted to. I'm too burdened by knowledge (much like Teldryn).

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond to almost every comment, but sometimes I get stuck with Comment Paralysis and they just pile up in my inbox until I'm thoroughly overwhelmed. I read every single comment and blush and kick my feet excitedly, though.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm... I don't really do angsty endings. I like pleasant, contented endings, sometimes bittersweet, sometimes open-ended. But I guess Dreamers, my Hadvar/Ralof fic as it currently stands, has the angstiest ending. At least until I manage to finish the final chapter...

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Uhhhh... They're all pretty happy, from my perspective at least. Maybe Finding Mara takes home the gold for happiest ending. (Erandur takes home the gold, too -snerk-)

7. Do you write crossovers?

I have written exactly one crossover and it's the oldest fic on my AO3 (from 2014). Otherwise, they're fun to think about, but nah. Not really.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

If you count an entire series of callout posts, years of harassment, and people jumping to conclusions over a fic they never even read, then the answer is yes.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. All kinds, but generally smut with a purpose. "Porn with plot" as they say. I write smut that zooms into the characters' heads, prys open their wants and desires and fears and insecurities. I write smut that can get a little hyper-realistic, to the point of sometimes being kind of gross. I write smut as a form of raw expression, people at their most vulnerable, literally stripped bare. It's one of my favorite things to write because it is an endless exercise in character study, in boundaries, in what it means to consent, and how the lines between who we think we are and what others perceive us to be get so easily blurred.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If I have, they've gotten away with it.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, once! Someone asked if they could translate the first chapter of Halfway to the Sky into Russian.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, back when I first joined the TES fandom. Two of my fandom bests at the time co-wrote a couple of stories with me. One is posted to AO3 (Ceasefire), and the other was a horny, whirlwind, feverdream of a fic that the other author and I mutually agreed we would probably never share with the greater world lol. We are still bests to this day and I often revisit that fic in awe and bafflement of our energy.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

It's so tough to choose, honestly, but I gotta go with Neloth/Teldryn, because it just took me by surprise and spun out into something so wild and wonderful.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I never say never with my WIPs. If I've learned anything over the past 5 years in this fandom, it's that I'll pick an old WIP up on a whim. I do wanna get back to my Arvel the Swift WIP at some point. I also started working on a Dark Brotherhood-centric fic last year, too. And so help me Talos I am going to finish Dreamers.

15. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. People talk in my head and I just write it down. It usually ends up sounding pretty natural. And pacing. I feel like I manage pacing pretty well and can make good calls as to when a scene is dragging or we need to skip forward in time a bit.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Wordiness. Relying too much on "feeling" words. Telling instead of showing more than I need to. Repetitive sentence structure. My goal in 2024 is to become more direct and succinct with my writing style.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Eh... I've done it before. I threw in a lot of Dunmeris and Ta'agra back in the day when I was first writing TES fic, but I'd say just use italics and translate what's being said. Or, alternatively, if the POV character can't understand what's being said, don't even use dialogue, just mention that it's being spoken. It's all gobbledygook to them anyways.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Yu Yu Hakusho (in 2004)

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

I'm monogamous with my fandom currently, so I'd really love to write something with Cicero, because it's been a long time coming.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

That's really hard to choose. They're all my favorite when I'm writing them. Each fic is its own little relationship for me. I don't write things unless I'm absolutely in love with what I'm writing. So they're all my favorite, in that sense.

[drgrlfriend]

Author Ask Meme

I was tagged by @bittercape.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

61 works

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

1,124,553 (June 2, 2024)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I am a serial OTP-er. I started with Wolverine/Rogue (X-Men), jumped to Johnlock (BBC Sherlock), to Sterek (Teen Wolf), to 00Q (James Bond), and am currently in Winterhawk (Marvel). Usually I get sucked into a new fandom by following a favorite author. I also read quite a lot in The Witcher fandom but haven't made the jump to writing (yet?).

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Windows (Sterek), Layover (Sterek), Quriosity (00Q), Hide (Sterek), and I'm Game (A Very Craigslist Thanksgiving) (Sterek). Sterek is just a huge fandom, but interestingly one of my X-Men fic used to be one of the most popular fics on FFN, so that has given me perspective about how it's not necessarily all about the fic but rather some magic combination of fandom and tropes and web audience and luck as to which fics really catch fire.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to, but if I'm actively writing a fic I get behind because if I'm on the computer with spare time I want to be writing instead. Then it gets overwhelming. :-(

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Happy endings always! I guess the closest would be My Heart Will Be Your Home because the epilogue / last scene is less about the Winterhawk happy ending and more about Clint coming to terms with the failure of his first marriage and Phil Coulson's death. [insert "growth gif" here]

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again, I really only have happy endings. Hmmm. In this time of trouble, I'll put in a plug for For Everything There Is a Season, my Four Seasons Total Landscaping fic, because it ends with the world being safe from Trum-- I mean Pierce. ;-)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

For how much I write some sensitive stuff I surprisingly don't! In particular the Four Seasons Total Landscaping fic I was worried would attract some rabid Trump fans to hate on me but so far so good. I have had people be really rude about my characterizations at times, or occasional plot decisions, but I've been getting better about deleting and forgetting (after I vent to a fandom friend or two of course).

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

I write smut for sure! All kinds, kinda, except not maybe what would be considered hard kink. In particular pain or knifeplay or whatever holds no attraction.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

I just wrote my first crossover! Jason Todd has crept into our hearts thanks largely to @thepartyresponsible and I just wrote two Winterhawkhood fics -- one extremely smutty (Finders Keepers) and one that's T-rated with just OTP3 implied (First Glance) so something for everyone. :-)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, although I wouldn't be surprised, especially for my one Sterek fic that's gone "viral." I did weirdly have someone reach out and ask if they could copy a whole section of my fic into theirs (I had a very well-researched series of deductions from Sherlock as to how John was injured in Afghanistan). Nice that they asked, I guess, but I was like -- "... no?"

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! People have been amazing with translations. I can't imagine the dedication it takes to translate some of my longer fics. A lot of times people start and then life happens and they don't finish, so I'm not always sure which ones make it to the end, but I know I've had requests to translate into Spanish, Mandarin, Russian,

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I did a Winterhawk Round Robin thing {You and Me (Telepathy)} where each of us wrote our parts in a serial fashion. I wouldn't call it co-writing, though because it was deliberately kind of non-collaborative (e.g. an "exquisite corpse" exercise). Probably the closest I've come to that is when my amazing beta, @kangofu-cb bails me out with an awesome suggestion!

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Whoa, ask me to pick a favorite child why doncha? ;-) I will put a plug in for 00Q, though -- I wasn't in that ship for a very long time but there is so much latitude to play with Q, who at the time I was in the fandom only had like ten minutes total of screentime, as well re-imagining some of the James Bond toxic masculinity tropes. And Quriosity is still one of my all-time favorite fics, and the first fic I think in which I really abandoned the "big bad is defeated in the third act" structure and made it purely about relationship development.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I usually write one fic at a time start-to-finish so my "WIPs" are more daydreams than actual fics-in-progress. I did write a few chapters of a fic with night-shift homicide detective Derek and magical Stiles that had more of an Enemies to Friends to Lovers structure but I don't think it will see the light of day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmmm. I have the patience to persist with a long fic even if most of them take me a year or more each with the limited free time I have -- I don't typically lose interest or give up (please don't let me jinx myself).

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably a lot, but keeping things short and evocative is definitely one of them. Sometimes I'll read a fic that seems like a longfic crammed into 2000 words and I don't know *how* people do it. I have a lot of trouble with timeskipping or skipping unnecessary actions/conversations. Getting better at it, I hope. At least I'm not making sure my characters eat three meals a day on the page anymore. ;-)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Hell on earth. I have one fic where German readers are arguing endlessly in the comments about my word choice for endearments and insults and every time I changed it one way the next person would tell me to change it the other way. I finally gave up on reaching a consensus. I feel more comfortable writing ASL, because I have some background in that, as well as French, Spanish, and Italian which I learned at various points in school.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

X-Men (Wolverine/Rogue). Was sucked in by a fic that ended in a very ambivalent point and (extremely rudely) wrote my own ending to it and sent it to the author. Geez, I am so lucky they responded kindly! I was so new to fandom I had no clue.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Again like asking me to pick a child, but I'll put a plug in for Freedom's Reach. It's a Winterhawk set in the American West post-Civil War (e.g. the real American Civil War, not the Marvel one). It took a lot of research and that younger, more naive Clint (I call him Gosh!Clint Barton) holds a special place in my heart. It also let me explore something I'm realizing is a bit of a "this better not awaken anything in me" scenario, which is setting up a relationship dynamic that is inherently uneven and then making sure the person in the position of power is scrupulous about not taking advantage of that dynamic. Weirdly specific, but you learn something about yourself all the time!

Tagging -- oh, shoot, I don't remember who bitter tagged so I'll throw in @kangofu-cb, @pantstomatch, @noxnthea, and anyone else who wants to do this!

[a-reader-and-a-writer]

Make Me Forget

Winter Whumperland 2022: Day 8. Unexpected Kindness Fandom: Top Gun, Top Gun: Maverick, Jake "Hangman" Seresin, f!reader, former Bob x reader

Summary: Soon after a tragedy strikes, Jake finds you at his door late one night. Will he do what he has always dreamt of and you are now begging him for? Or will he find the strength to do what is right?

Word Count: 4300

TW: Emotional Angst, Grief, Death of a Loved One, Main Character Death, Tears, Drunk Reader makes bad decisions, Intoxicated Kiss, Tattoo

Notes: Thank you to @lorecraft and @green-socks for talking me through this and their support! I love you guys!

Sequel to No Laughing Matter but can also be read as a stand-alone piece.

As Jake poured his third glass of bourbon of the night, he was starting to regret not taking Coyote up on his offer to go to the movies with him and his new girlfriend. There wasn’t anything interesting playing, but it would have been nice to take his mind off of things and just mindlessly watch some robots blow some shit up or whatever for two and a half hours. But instead, he was sitting alone in a dimly lit room with only his drink for company. Not his smartest idea, but he just didn’t know how to act around his best friend at the moment.

For the past eight months, Jake had been on an extended medical leave back in Texas after he was injured in a training exercise. The break was actually doing him a lot of good. He had forgotten what it felt like to not have to try to be the best all the time. For the first time since joining the Naval Academy straight out of high school, he let himself relax and didn’t worry about how he compared to those around him. He stopped cutting his hair and grew a beard, both things he was never allowed to do while on active duty. It felt like he had control over everything in his life for once. That was until he had gotten the phone call.

Which was how he found himself staying in this rental house back in California a month before he was to be cleared for active duty. Though they had kept in contact through texts and emails, he hadn’t expected to be in person with the entire Dagger Squad again this soon. Or at least…. almost the entire squad.

Downing the rest of his glass of bourbon, he reached for the bottle to pour another when a knock on his door drew his attention. At almost one a.m., he had no idea who it could be. Only a few people even knew where he was staying, and he had made it clear he wanted to be left alone tonight.

Throwing the door open, Jake inhaled sharply as he saw the last person he expected standing just outside. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

You rolled your eyes. “Well, hello to you too, Jake. You sure know how to make a girl feel wanted.”

“No, I’m sorry. I was just surprised to see you here. Especially this late.”

Neither of you spoke for a long moment, each just staring at the other. Jake hadn’t seen you since the service a few days ago but you looked even worse than you had then. Your hair was a mess, your lipstick was smudged, and your eyes looked sunken and bloodshot. It wouldn’t surprise Jake if he learned you hadn’t slept more than a few hours over the last few days. Not that he would have blamed you. 

Finally, you broke the silence and asked, “You gonna make me keep standing out here, or are you gonna let me in?”

 “Oh, right, sorry.” Jake held the door open wider as you pushed past him into the house. “How’d you get here? You didn’t drive, did you?”

You scoffed. “No. Do you really think I’m that irresponsible? Phoenix put me in a car after she made me leave the bar. The guy was driving past and I remembered you were staying here while you were in town.” You stumbled slightly as you walked around the small space examining the decor. It was clear why Phoenix sent you home for the night, though Jake was surprised she hadn’t insisted on going with you.

You spotted the still-open bottle of bourbon sitting on the table and grabbed at it, almost knocking it off the table. Without even trying to look for a glass, you pressed it to your lips and took a long swig. You grimaced as you swallowed yet raised the bottle for a second drink, but Jake placed his hand on your wrist before you could.

He gently eased the bottle out of your hand and set it back down. Running his hand lightly up and down your arm, he asked, “Not that it isn’t great to see you and all, but whatcha doing here, sweetheart? It’s late and it looks like you’ve already had an exciting night. Maybe you should just be heading home. I can drive you.” He reconsidered as he remembered the three glasses of bourbon he had drank that night. “Well, I can make sure you get home safely.”

“I don’t wanna go home,” you muttered faintly as you ran your fingers through the few drops of bourbon that had fallen onto the table. “I came here for you. I want you to do what you said…. last year in the bar.”

Jake’s brow furrowed as he tried to remember what you might be talking about. “I say a lot of things. You wanna give me a hint which one you’re talking about?”

Awkwardly removing your jacket and letting it fall to the floor behind you, you took a step closer causing Jake to step back so you didn’t bump into his chest. “You said one night was all it would take. That after one night with you, I would forget his name. I’m here so you can help me forget.”

Jake felt all the blood drain from his face as he realized what you were talking about. The night in the Hard Deck when he had gotten very drunk and tried to fight Bob. Not that it had been much of a fight considering Bob had laid him out with a single punch, but Jake had still felt awful about it. He apologized to both you and Bob the next day and it seemed like that night had been pretty much forgotten by everyone involved. But he guessed he was wrong….

Jake placed his hands on your now bare shoulders. “Sweetheart, you know I didn’t mean that. It was a stupid, drunken mistake that–”

“You meant it.” Your tone wasn’t harsh or accusing, just matter-of-fact. You took yet another step closer. “You’ve wanted me since the first day we met, don’t deny it. And you can try to brush off all your comments as teasing but I saw the look in your eye when you made them. You meant every word. But that’s okay. Because tonight, I’m giving you exactly what you’ve always wanted.”

You slammed your lips against Jake’s, catching him by surprise as you pushed him back against the wall. Your hands threaded through his long locks, grabbing hold and using them to pull him even deeper into your lips. Jake could taste the strong sting of alcohol on your breath as your tongue slipped clumsily into his mouth and he froze, unsure of what to do.

For just a second, he considered it. He had dreamt about you often since the day Bob introduced you, and they were always the sort of dreams where he couldn’t look Bob in the eye for a few hours afterward. Yet he had resigned himself to the fact that even if you and Bob ever broke up, you weren’t the kind of girl to go for someone like him. So this, this kiss, this chance, it was more than he ever hoped for.

And yet the second you slid your knee up to rub against the growing bulge in his pants, he snapped out of it. Grabbing your wrists, he gently untangled your hands from his hair and eased you off of him. Your eyes darted across his face, so desperate and confused as to why he pulled away that he almost lost his resolve and pressed his lips against yours once more.

Panting slightly, he whispered, “We can’t do this. I–I can’t do this.”

“Why not? It’s what you always wanted.”

“I can’t,” Jake whispered again, shaking his head.

Running your thumb over his cheek, tears began to roll down your face as you whispered back, “Yes, you can. It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s gone, Jake. He’s gone, and I’m falling apart without him. I just need someone right now. I need you. I need you to take me back into the bedroom and do what you’ve always wanted, just…. just make me forget. Please. Just for tonight. I just need this pain to go away for just one goddamn night.”

You leaned forward again but he shifted slightly so instead of your lips meeting, your foreheads did. Pressing firmly against you, Jake closed his eyes and took several long, deep breaths before he muttered, “Please don’t ask me again. I’m not a good enough man to deny you a third time. You’re right, I’ve always wanted you. I still want you. But not like this. We both deserve better than that.” Jake opened his eyes and stared directly into yours. “He deserves better than that.”

You jerked your head back as if he had slapped you, rapidly blinking in shock. Releasing him, you stumbled back from the wall, turning your back to him. When you finally faced him once more, Jake could tell some of the alcohol-induced fog had lifted. Tears were streaming down your face more quickly now and your bottom lip was quivering so hard, he could almost hear your teeth chattering.

Wrapping your arms across your chest, you sobbed, “What am I doing? He’s been gone for only a little over a week and I’m already throwing myself at one of his best friends.” 

Jake wasn’t sure if you were just being hyperbolic in the heat of the moment, but hearing you call him “one of his best friends” caused a knot to form in Jake’s chest. But he ignored his own pain and tried to gather you into his arms, “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay.”

You struggled to free yourself from his embrace. “No, it’s not! I promised him I’d never do something like this. That he was the only one I ever wanted to be with. And now…. Now I almost–” Another wailing sob ripped through you, cutting off the rest of your words. 

Jake didn’t know what to do. In fact, he’d been having a harder time than expected dealing with what happened. As unrealistic as it was, Jake couldn’t help but wonder if things would have been different if he had been back from leave and flying with the squad. Maybe he could have provided cover for Phoenix and Bob’s plane. Maybe that lucky bullet from the enemy wouldn’t have broken through the canopy and struck Bob in the neck. Maybe then he wouldn’t have bled out before Phoenix could even land the plane.

But all the what-ifs and could-have-been’s in the world wouldn’t change the fact that Bob was dead, and you were currently falling apart in Jake’s arms. However, where Jake might not have been there to help Bob then, he damn sure was going to do everything in his power to help you now.

“Sweetheart, look at me. Look at me!” You stopped struggling and gazed helplessly into Jake’s eyes. “I can’t be your Band-Aid to try to stop the pain, but you did nothing wrong tonight. It was only just a kiss and even if it had gone farther, you wouldn’t have been breaking any promises to him. Even in marriage, these things are only ‘til death do us part’, right? You held up your end of the bargain and he would understand. He would want you to be happy.”

 “But I’m not! How am I ever supposed to be happy again when Bob is gone! We had our whole lives planned out together. He was going to propose and leave the Navy after his next tour so we could start a family. But now it’s all gone and I don’t know what to do.” 

All of the fight suddenly went out of you, and you collapsed limply into Jake’s arms. Holding you tightly, Jake slowly sank to the floor and pulled you into his lap. Balling your fists into his shirt, you clung to him frantically as your body was wracked with sobs. There was nothing Jake could do but hold you tight and remind you that you weren’t alone.

After what seemed like hours, your sobs softened into sniffles before you eventually fell silent. Finally, you whispered, “Jake, how do I do this? It’s just too big. How do I deal with it?”

He took a deep breath and held it for a second before slowly releasing it. “I honestly don’t know. I guess you just take it one day at a time. It’s the best any of us can do. But you’re not alone. Let your friends help you through this.”

“Is that what we are, Jake? Friends?”

“I’d like to think so.” There was a moment of silence before Jake asked, “Why did you really come here tonight? To me. Was it just because you were driving by or….”

“You weren’t supposed to be this noble,” you chuckled dryly. “I thought out of everyone… Coyote has his new girlfriend, Fanboy and Payback can barely look at me right now, and Rooster’s been glued to Phoenix’s side all week. She’s trying to be strong for me but I know how much she is hurting too and he’s really helped her deal with things. So, that left you. And with your reputation and your little thing for me, I thought it was a full-proof plan. I guess I underestimated you. I’m sorry.”

“No, I guess that’s fair. You were right when you said I wanted you and that there was some truth behind my jokes and teasing. But I hope you know I would never have actually done anything. I wouldn’t have done that to Bob.”

You smiled softly as you linked your fingers with his before squeezing his hand. “I know. And so did he. He never minded your flirting because he said he knew at the end of the day you would never actually try it or make a move. And that I would never try anything either. So he just ignored it.” You shook your head softly. “God, how could someone have been so good?”

“I don’t know.” Jake wiped a tear off your cheek. “But he loved you so much. You were all he ever talked about when we were on a mission, just getting back to you. And Phoenix says your name was the last thing he said before…”

“She told me. I just wish I had been able to say goodbye.” Your voice broke and Jake pulled you tightly against his chest as your tears began to fall once more.

But they didn’t last very long. All of your crying must have taken a lot out of you because as your sobs began to dwindle and fade, Jake felt you slowly sagging in his arms. When he glanced down, he saw your eyes drooping further and further. The tears, alcohol, and late hour of night were all catching up to you and it wouldn’t be long before you had passed out completely.

Jake carefully helped get you to your feet before rising off the floor himself. His legs were numb from the way he was sitting, but he tried his best to ignore the sensation as he led you toward the bedroom.

“Where are we goin’?” you mumbled sleepily, your head leaning against his shoulder as he guided you.

“It’s late and I think it’s best if you stay here tonight. You can take my room and I’ll stay out on the couch. That way you can have the bed and a door with a lock if you want it.”

You chuckled softly without lifting your head. “Jake, I literally tried to force myself onto you tonight, and you turned me down. I think I can trust you not to sneak into the room while I’m sleeping.”

“True, but whatever makes you the most comfortable.” 

He helped you climb into bed and covered you with his blanket. Almost immediately, your eyes fluttered closed and your breathing slowed. For just a moment, Jake stood there watching you sleep. You looked so relaxed and peaceful, that he wondered what you were dreaming about. It probably involved a blue-eyed, glasses-wearing WSO, or at least, he hoped it did. 

Leaning over, Jake softly pressed his lips to the top of your head as he whispered, “Good night, sweetheart.”

Then he quietly backed out of the room and went to try to make the couch as comfortable as possible.

The sound of the front door clicking shut woke Jake the next morning. After raising his head slightly and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he saw a note and a still-steaming cup of coffee on the table in front of him. Sitting up, he brought the coffee to his lips as he read the note. It was short and sweet: Thanks for what you did…. and didn’t do.

Jake didn’t hear anything from you after that. He tried to text a few times, but you never responded. He talked to Phoenix so at least he knew you had made it home okay after you left his place, but that was all the information she would give him. 

Days went by and he was just starting to think that he would never see or hear from you again when a knock sounded at his front door. And just like a few nights earlier, he opened it to see you standing there.

This time, you looked more like the you he remembered from before Bob’s death. The bags under your eyes weren’t as pronounced, your clothes looked more put together, and when you smiled at him as he opened the door, there was actually some light in your eyes. “Hey.”

“Hey….” he said as he leaned heavily on the door. “I’ve been thinking about you. How are you?”

“Um, better, I think. Still not good, and I don’t even know if I’ll ever be good again, but I guess progress is progress. Just taking it one day at a time, right?”

He smiled. “Yeah. One day at a time.”

There was a long pause before you said, “You really don’t like inviting me in, do you?”

“Oh! Sorry. Come in.” Jake stepped to the side, allowing you to pass by him, your arm lightly brushing his chest as you did. Once you were inside, he closed the door and asked, “So, uh, what can I do for you, sweetheart?”

With your back to him, you said, “I wanted to thank you for the other night. I wasn’t in a good place and I had been drinking and I made some bad decisions. And while I’m still not in a good place, now that I’m sober I’m mortified about said decisions. But the way you handled it….” You turned to face him, your lip quivering slightly. “Honestly, Jake, I don’t know how I would have ever forgiven myself if I woke up the next morning and realized we had gone through with it. Just thinking about it makes me physically ill.”

“Damn. I don’t think I would have been that bad in bed,” Jake scoffed, but he gave you a wide grin to let you know he was joking.

You smiled softly. “I’m sure you would have been exceptional. And I have no doubt that you could have lived up to your promise of making me forget everyone and everything but you in that moment.” Your face fell. “But after, when I did remember,…. It would have destroyed me. And I’m not saying I’ll never sleep with anyone ever again, but doing it that night– for that reason– would have felt like such a betrayal to Bob’s memory. So thank you for stopping me. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision to make.”

Jake ran his hand over the back of his neck. “I won’t lie and say part of me doesn’t regret not going through with it just a little bit, but overall I’m also glad it didn’t happen. When you feel like it’s time to take that step, you have every right to sleep with whoever you want and you’ll have nothing to feel guilty for. But I agree that night wasn’t the best time for it.”

“No, it wasn’t.” You shifted slightly as you looked at the floor. “I, uh, I was having an extra hard time that night because the Navy finally gave me a box of Bob’s stuff and I found a receipt where he had put a down payment on a ring.”

Inhaling sharply, Jake said, “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

You shook your head. “It’s okay. We had talked about it a lot and I knew he was going to propose soon, I just wasn’t expecting that soon. It just made me think about all of the plans we had made that won’t ever happen now and…. I tried to drink the pain away but when that didn’t happen, I turned to you. It’s not an excuse for why I did what I did, but I thought you should have a little more context for why it happened.”

“No context needed. You got drunk and tried to sleep with the first available person you found. Who hasn’t been there?” You reached out and took his hand, giving it a small squeeze of thanks. The shift in your position drew Jake’s attention to something he hadn’t noticed before. He nodded towards the gauze poking out of the bottom of your shirt sleeve. “Didya do something to your arm?” 

A soft smile spread across your lips as you glanced down at the floor. “I did, actually. I thought a lot about the other night and you made me realize that no matter how painful it is, I never want to forget Bob…. ever. I love him and I will always love him and I don’t want to forget a second of our time together or what he means to me. So, I found a way to keep a constant reminder of that with me always.”

Slowly, you rolled up your sleeve and unwrapped the gauze from your arm, revealing a vibrant tattoo underneath that hadn’t been there the other night. It was a heart made out of a thin branch or vine covered with leaves and small, five-petal blue flowers accented with yellow centers. It was a delicate design that perfectly fit the curvature of your arm.

“Wow. That looks amazing. Remind me to ask for your guy’s number if I ever decide to get more ink.”

Jake reached out to touch the design but hesitated as you whispered, “They’re forget-me-nots.”

He glanced at your face which was still smiling though he could see a hint of moisture collecting in your eyes. When you gave him a small nod, he let his fingers gently graze the tender skin of your freshly inked arm. It was only then that he noticed the small, faint lettering on the stem at the bottom of the heart: BOB. 

Running his thumb over the letters, Jake said, “He would’ve loved this.”

“I think he would’ve too.” You ran your finger over one of the flowers as you gazed at it lovingly. Then you dropped your hand as you cleared your throat. “So, how much longer are you in town?”

Jake straightened up, removing his hand from your arm. “Just a few more days. I should be getting my medical clearance at the end of the month so I need to go home and make sure everything is in order for me to return to active duty.”

“That’s sort of a shame. I think your time on leave has been good for you.”

Jake frowned slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. You’re…. different. Like, it’s not just the longer hair and the beard– both of which look really great on you by the way– but it’s your attitude and how you hold yourself. Plus I don’t think the old Jake would have ever done what you did the other night.”

“Yeah, well, then maybe this new Jake is just an idiot. He’d have to be to ever push you away.”

“Not an idiot. Just a better man than people give him credit for.” Leaning over, you lightly pressed your lips to his cheek. 

Jake felt his heart leap in his chest and it took everything in him not to turn his head and capture your lips with his. But you were right, he had changed. The old Jake probably would have kissed you, yet now….

Clearing his throat as you took a step back, he asked, “What do you think you’ll do now?”

Sighing, you said, “I don’t know. Without Bob, I don’t really have a reason to stay in California. My parents want me to move back near them so I have a familial support system around and I’m considering it. I think a change would be good for me.”

“Apparently, it did wonders for me,” Jake teased. “But whatever you decide, I’m always here if you need anything, anything at all. You have my number.” 

Reaching out, you placed your hand on his arm and gave it a light squeeze. “Thank you. I’ll remember that. And good luck going back to work. Be safe up there.”

You dropped your hand and started to walk out of the door. When you were halfway down the steps, Jake called out, “Hey… Maybe one day in the future if you decide it’s time to move on with someone new, you look me up.”

Glancing back towards the door, you gave him a small, reserved smile. “Maybe…. One day. Goodbye, Jake.” Then you turned and soon disappeared from view. 

Taglist: @loverhymeswith, @babblydrabbly, @mayhem24-7forever, @11thstreetvigilante, @merlehs, @green-socks, @sunshineflowerchild789, @shanimallina87, @topguncortez, @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy, @hederasgarden, @callsign-phoenix, @wildbornsiren, @lt-natrace, @the-untamed-soul, @inglourious-imagines, @airhogger, @piscesvancouverite, @straightforwardly, @bonnieelizabethparker, @srry-itshockeyszn, @flyinlove, @fandomhopped, @sweetheartlizzie07, @yjwnoot, @wanderdreamer, @callsign-fox, @imjess-themess, @joalsglasses, @curlyolly, @nobody7102, @footprintsinthesxnd, @thesewordsxlibrary, @double-j, @phoenix1389, @some-lovely-day, @fantasticcopeaglepasta, @forever-sleepy-sloth, @notroosterbradshaw, @dezthegeek, @blessupblessup, @cherrycola27, @phoenix1389, @nicangelinee, @smells-like-perfect-senses, @boringusername3, @petlaufeyson, @cycbaby

[doberbutts]

Tomorrow I talk to my doctor about top surgery and starting the process for scheduling, as well as my regular T checkin, and it's Pride so here's a list of things 8 months in:

Recently I have been Noticing The Fuzz quite a lot- my arms my legs my stomach my ass. Nothing on my chest and patchy on my face still. Can't grow hair on my cheeks but sure can between em 🙄 every once in a while I feel a tickle and look down and oh. That's MY hair.

Last actual cycle was in March, and even that was a piddley sad spotting that didn't even need a pad. Ideal really.

I have. Gained a lot of weight 😅 I'm more okay with it than I was but I do grumble still about the fat padding around my hips. I think it makes me look solid and blocky and I'm loving it.

I've also gained a lot of muscle. Without going to the gym, just doing my everyday stuff, I've gained a lot of arms and shoulders and back muscle on top of the belly fat. Lifting heavy things is way easier. And my joints and bones don't ache as much anymore.

My first fainting episode since I started T happened a couple weeks ago while I was positioning a dog on the xray table- he's long and low and uncooperative and I was bent double trying to wrangle him while the doctor was doing her thing when suddenly my body went 🤷‍♂️ floor time 🤷‍♂️ and I only stayed upright because I was able to sag into a chair while keeping my position. One in 8 months is a new record for me, but a good reminder that "better" isn't "cured". But also good to know that I have to ignore pretty much every rule my body has enforced the ladt three decades before it decides to punish me for my hubris.

Surprisingly this month the constant horniness sort of wore off. Whereas before it was "if I don't orgasm at minimum twice per day I Will Die", now it's "huh, that'd be nice right now". The constant hunger is starting to abate too, it's "food is delicious and hits pleasure centers in my brain" instead of "I AM STARVING FEED ME PLEASE".

Oh god The Stankening. It's hot now and I take Phoebe for a daily walk and by the time I get home 😱😱😱 it's bad. I sweat a lot more than I used to so I've got it under control for my mostly sedate job but definitely not when adding exercise.

I was afraid I'd lose my heat tolerance because initially I was getting a lot of hot flashes but if anything I'm still fine in the heat AND I'm more hardy in the cold. Take that, metabolism.

Historically I've always fit a men's medium and I might actually be toeing the line to a large now. Not because of my stomach but because of my arms and shoulders. My scrubs are pretty restrictive across the shoulderblades. At 30 I didn't really expect my shoulders to widen but they sure did. My arms, too, are beginning to chafe at the sleeves, too bulky for the tighter sleeve cuff I'm used to wearing. I don't really want to re-buy my wardrobe *again* but I may have to.

Stamina continues to be noticably higher than it used to be. I can be outside gardening and weeding and tending my lawn all day and nothing will happen except that I will be incredibly stinky and my back somewhat sore.

Still about 80/20 passing vs not. Significant improvement if that person has never met me prior to this point in my transition. Still called "lady" and "she" and "woman" to my face at the front desk by returning clients or folks on the phone. It's not deliberate but it is annoying.

My cholesterol is fine but my blood pressure did raise from its usual- benefit is that it makes me feel better than ever but drawback is that it's something to keep an eye on with my history of heart problems.

Voice still cracks and bounces around everywhere but I do like my singing voice now when I can get it to cooperate.

Way more in control of my emotions.

Also way more attention on various dating apps. Where were all these guys in my dms before??? Not a day goes by that I don't have several new "hey cutie"s sliding up into my dms. Hello??? Sir??? I know I'm hot now but god damn.

[sssammich]

fanfic writer questions

Thanks for the tag, @foibles-fables

1- How many works do you have on AO3?

i'm at 122 right now (wahoo!)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

794,634 (i am on a mission to 1 million in the next couple of years)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

well i've been around many a fandom block, but i'd say for current brainrot:

supergirl (mostly supercorp, but i have a smattering of rare pairs because women, amirite?)

swan queen

bumbleby (i also still have so many rosebird dreams i'll get there someday)

makayuro (with a smattering of rare pairs also because women, amirite?)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

well unsurprisingly, ever since plopping down on supercorp fandom, the numbers have been from there. but shoutout to my victorious fic from 2012 holding strong lol

evergreen, closest i get, not for nothing, you've got mail, and one way or another

5. Do you respond to comments?

yes yes absolutely!! sometimes i am late and sometimes i just leave it in there so i can have it stay unread but anyway i try to respond and i appreciate everyone who sends them to me. i have historically been a oneshot writer so it's been nice also to get comments on wips!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh shoot angstiest ending?? well i think i would say my supercorptober ficlet about memory loss of sorts might tick that (it ends kinda idk open but not bad, i will say)

but then there's also this one old soccer RPF i wrote that's more, idk, poetry than any real fic about one of them leaving lmao

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the happiest ending? i mean all of them, i reckon. if they end up together or have a promise of together then they count lmao

8. Do you get hate on fics?

uhhh none that i've seen? i mean if it's in the comments, no? but if it's elsewhere, then also no? i have been fortunate in that way

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

OMG YES I AM FINALLY IN MY SMUT ERA

uh i reckon comedy smut for now (read DickFic here) but the day is young and my doc is empty so who's to say

but i have dreams for some sad smut because i'd like to develop the range LMAO

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

surprisingly, i do not. what i instead do is just little spin through five fandoms at any given time and just confuse myself that way

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

unfortunately yes. twice now. once was for my victorious fic that was used for a 5th harmony RPF lmaooo

and then on thanksgiving weekend, the first chapter of Crepe AU was posted by an anonymous for a The Wilds ship (but my friends rallied to get it taken down so i didn't have to send a takedown form to ao3 while i was traveling home)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope but that would be totally rad

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i love fic writing group work so yes! i have a series of sad angsty women that i have with my best friend in my revue starlight fandom, and then, of course, @sideguitars and i have 'humans in the storeroom' (that reminds me it's my turn to write the next part smh)

i also like jumping into writing sprints or writing exercises with folks (like a round robin)

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

let's not do this, i shan't pick amongst my children

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

so far all my wips are things i wanna finish and will do my best to finish. i have a couple of retired wips that will just sit in my ao3 forever and i have made peace with them, though.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i wanna say characterization, pacing, emotional resonance, and a simple and natural writing style maybe

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

action?? plot??? proper AUs lmao

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i do not because i find i butcher it and also then i cringe lmao

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh written for but never posted? hermione/ginny

posted for? god probably All My Children (bianca and maggie) when i was like a teenager hahahahaha

20. Favorite fic you've written?

sorry no can do i love them all because i wrote them and there are so many things i enjoy about them. but i will say that the writing events circuit i've done this past year (supercorp bigbang, bumbleby big bang, and swan queen winter solstice) are born out of a lot of labor of love and i'm really proud of the work i've done for them.

and not for a writing event, but i am also extremely proud of re:live for mayakuro fandom-- that one makes me think that if i never wrote for that fandom again, that that's a really good fic to end on)

No-pressure tags, of course: @sideguitars, @eqt-95, @fazedlight, @luthordamnvers, @vox-ex, and @waytooinvested

(yall have probably done this before but here it just in case!)

[snapthistiger]

exercise 07222024

bike ride to the gym

8 x 10 incline sit ups

3 x 10 pec machine

3 x 10 lat raise

3 x 10 low row

30 minutes on the step mill

3 x 10 cable press

3 x 10 cable row

worked lifeguard job 8a to noon

bike ride to my Mom's, the library, then home

the gym workers received Hershey kisses

checked on my Mom and she was sleeping. visited with the sitter and my niece

work was good. super busy for the first couple of hours watching swim team and water aerobics class and swim lessons. some cleaning and watching swimmers the next 2 hours

weather was clear when i left this morning. heavy rain while i was working. good to be inside instead of the water park

top left = sun and clouds on my way home

bottom =Peanut in a cat ball on the couch. she was inside because of rain earlier

i brought a spare electric weed whacker to one of my coworkers. she works at the natatorium and her partner works at McD. i try to help her when i can.

hope you have a peaceful afternoon and evening..