#THIS WAS ORIGINALLY A JOKE PLEASE HELP

[cassiefromhell]

Bats and Fire: The Very Beginnings

What if we took y/n (who is, in this fic, a monster researcher/hunter) being mated to a couple acotar men... then made it all the acotar men (batboys, eris, lucien)....

So this was a silly joke. Then I wrote it. Then I realized that this could be multiple parts... so welcome to:

Bats and Fire

01 - The Very Beginnings

(this is such proof that i will write anything and i'm 6x more likely to write it if its MESSY and CHAOTIC)

Warnings: none

WC: 2k

Finding out you’re mated to all the ACOTAR men would be a doozy.

At first it’s Rhys, when you make eye contact with him while on a business visit in Velaris…

“I know,” you laugh, gently nudging your friend’s shoulder. “Boo hoo, you don’t like the Night Court. But it’s beautiful. We’ve been in worse places on business.”

“That’s tru— oh my cauldron, look who it is!” She points to the back of a man walking with a tall blonde woman, and you can immediately sense the power radiating off of him. He must be who you’re looking for: the High Lord of Night.

“Yes!” you grin, tightening your grip on the jar in your hands — which holds a very menacing pixie that has been stealing magic from residents of Prythian all over. The High Lord of Autumn had commissioned its capture, and you had tracked it back to night, and well… here you were.

“Lord Rhysand!” you call out, gracefully sliding your way through the crowd. “Lord Rhysand, I must speak with you!”

Someone bumps into you, and you stumble, crashing straight into the High Lord’s chest. 

“You bellowed?”

“Yes, yes— sorry, my Lord. But you see, this pixie—”

But then you look up, meeting his stunning violet-blue gaze.

You drop your jar, and it shatters on the cobblestone ground, the pixie exploding out of the rubble, trying to make a break for it. The creature is immediately surrounded by darkness, unable to make its grand escape.

“You’re…” you whisper, covering your mouth with a hand. 

“…My mate.”

Cassian and Azriel came shortly after. You and Rhys got close quickly, so why wouldn’t you be introduced to his friends?

“Darling?” Rhysand says, glancing around the room, his eyes finally landing on you. “Oh, good— you’re all ready. Remember that it’s cold, so wear plenty of layers—”

You blink up at him, gesturing to the not one, not two, not three, but four layers he’s made you put on. “Rhys. I’m going to be very warm. I’ve been to the Illyrian mountains on hunting trips before and I can confirm that this is too much.”

“It’s gotten colder in recent years.”

“Sure.”

Rhys grins, kisses the side of your head, and takes your hand. “Ready? We won’t be there for two long, I just want to do a little surveillance with the camps and introduce you to my brothers while we’re there.”

With a quick nod, you’re  enveloped by darkness and wind. And then it all fades, and chill air bites at your cheeks and nose.

Rhysand holds you close to his side as you trudge through the snow. You wrap your coats tighter around yourself, leaning into his warmth.

And then you feel it.

You freeze.

An electric connection stuns you, seeming to form at your heart and spread through your chest. 

And then another.

You reluctantly look over your shoulder, cursing when you see them. Two tall Illyrian males, staring at you. They definitely know. And you have the gut feeling that these two males are the Cassian and Azriel that Rhys told you about.

“Ah, look, there they are,” Rhys grins, waving towards the two males, who have both started in your direction.

This is your moment: fight, flight, or freeze? Your heart pounds in your chest—they’re getting closer—and the crowd is so thick with people…

As a monster researcher and hunter, you’ve never fled once in your life.

…But now is a fantastic time to start.

“Restroom,” you blurt, and then sprint from Rhys’s side, burying yourself in the crowd of taller Fae and wings and fur coats.

You weave between the people, attempting to mask your scent, and then burst into a small corner shop. A bakery, filled with the smells of bread and pastries. Perfect to cover your trail.

You walk up to the counter, fishing out a few coppers. “Do you have anything particularly smelly?”

The baker raises a brow, his wings shifting behind him as he gives you a once-over dripping with judgment. “Excuse me?”

“Love?”

You curse under your breath at the sound of Rhys’s voice. And then you slowly turn around, finding your mate… and your other two mates.

So you face your fate.

The Illyrians were easy to love. You got to know them in a matter of weeks, but you had other jobs to attend to, and was soon in the Autumn Court, where you had to finally turn in that damned pixie to High Lord Eris…

Are you sure you feel safe there? Azriel asks down the bond. One of us can come and accompany you.

Yes, you confirm. All is well. I’m just turning in this little beast. I’ll be back before sundown.

He sent you a wave of love, paired with a sarcastic you have fun with that.

So here you are, climbing a ladder to get to the top level of the Autumn palace. It’s built like a treehouse, with ladders separating the levels unless you’re nobility or a special guest, in which case you get to use the fancy-dancy wooden staircases in the center. 

But being a monster specialist is pretty damn far from nobility. So you get the ladders route.

You decide that you hate this place.

Hoisting yourself up onto the final platform, where the throne room is, you climb to your feet. 

A guard gives you a dirty look, holding out a spear to stop you in your path. “Female. State your name and business.”

You say your name, and hold up the jar containing a very angry pixie. “The High Lord commissioned this pixie’s capture. Now, if you’ll let me go, this Tinkerbelle is very eager to find an escape route.”

“You didn’t give advance warning of your visit.”

“I sent word a month ago,” you snarl, baring your teeth.

His spear strikes you quicker than your Fae reflexes can react. It collides with your cheek, sending you stumbling back, blood rushing down your jaw.

“What in Prythian are you doing, Magus?” an unfamiliar male voice enters the encounter, and you immediately see boots approaching.

“She was trying to force her way in—”

“Liar,” you hiss. You wipe away the blood and face the guard once more, free hand tightening on the pixie jar. “I have proper certification, if you would just let me—”

“She’s aggressive, your majesty.”

Your majesty?

You look up at the male who had approached. You’re met with a golden-skinned male, with a  scar through one eye and a whirring, mechanical eyeball. When he too looks at you, you feel the slightest… ittiest bittiest… tug.

Shit.

His jaw drops, long ginger hair falling over his shoulder. “You’re…”

The doors to the throne room swing open, revealing a male that looks like your newfound fourth mate. But he’s wearing a crown, so he must be the High Lord that you came for.

And when his stunning copper eyes turn to you, it happens.

For the fifth time.

“Nope,” you say, throwing the jar in High Lord Eris’s direction. “Nope. Not again. Not doing this.”

With that, you turn on your heel, starting back towards the ladder.

“Wait,” the first male jumps in front of you, eyes glimmering. “You’re… you’re my mate.”

“What do you mean?” Eris jumps in, stepping into view and rapidly approaching. “She’s my mate.”

“See, so there’s this phenomenon,” you start, gritting your teeth. “I already have three mates. I don’t feel the need for another two. The Mother is cruel and she thinks that building me a harem is great entertainment. But you two are officially out. Capishe?”

The two males looked at eachother, and then back to you—

But you were gone.

We have an issue, you stated down the bond to your Illyrian mates.

You knew that blocking out two mates would not work. And it didn’t. They sent you flowers and gifts, and... oh, the gifts... such expensive and exquisite things... for weeks, until you caved… and called a meeting for all of your mates.

You sit in silence at The House of Wind’s dining table, monitoring the males’ expressions. They're all glaring at each other. The Mother definitely could have given you a less… volatile… group.

“Okay,” you start, scratching the back of your neck. “So… I think this is it.”

“I’d like to put it on the record that you said you were sure we were all last time,” Cassian grits out, wings rigid at his back. 

“This is different. Now, we need to go over rules, boundaries… anything that comes to mind?”

“Separated court times,” Lucien starts, seeming rather open to the situation. “Eris and I manage the Autumn Court, and these three are always in Night, so it makes sense to do a week-on, week-off schedule.”

“Her work requires her to travel,” Azriel joins in, twirling Truth-Teller in his hand. “You couldn’t expect her to just stay in your court for a week at a time.”

“Of course he didn’t mean that,” Eris snarls, ear twitching. “He meant during her off time.”

“I could—” you try to join in, but it doesn’t really work out for you.

“I plan on making her my High Lady, which she has already agreed to,” Rhysand growls. “So she’ll be spending a lot of time in the Night Court.”

Cassian nods, joining in. “And we don’t want her to give up her passions. Which seems to be what you want. So she’ll be either at the Night Court or traveling. You two can… visit… her.”

“I really wouldn’t mind—”

“And what if I want her to be my High Lady?” Eris stands, lips pulling back as he faces Rhys. “Perhaps she’d prefer to reside in a more respectable court than Night.”

That prompts both Azriel and Cassian to stand, growling and wings flaring. “You’re a piece of scum and she does not deserve to be tied to the likes of you,” Azriel responds, bitterness and anger dripping in his tone.

“Have you lost all your dignity?” Lucien shoots to his feet too, and Rhys follows suit.

They start yelling. And arguing. And every time you try to cut in, they ignore you.

So you conjure up something that should get their attention.

“Contraceptive brews!” you shout, throwing your arms in the air.

Sure enough, the males go silent, turning to look at you.

“Sit down.”

And they all do.

Like puppies taking a command.

“Rhysand, Cassian, Azriel and I have all agreed that the males take the contraceptive brews. I have a rigorous travel schedule that often includes random overnights in the woods or mountains while hunting or researching, so I don’t always have access to them,” you explain, gesturing to the Illyrians.

Eris raises a brow. “Wouldn’t it make sense for you to just carry it with you rather than all five of us taking—”

“Drink the brew or you don’t get it,” Cassian growls, making a lewd gesture.

“New rule. No more fighting. It’s overwhelming and stupid.” you announce, taking the ribbon out of your hair and putting it in the middle of the table. “This is the Talking Ribbon. When you want to talk, you must have the ribbon. Else you shut the fuck up.”

“That is your—”

“Rhys. Talking Ribbon.”

Rhys obediently takes the ribbon, then tries speaking again. “This is your favorite ribbon. I wouldn’t risk this being used… it could get torn.”

Lucien takes the ribbon gingerly, and then faces you. “Then we will not tear the ribbon. Right, everyone?”

The males all nod.

You sigh, and then gesture around the group. “My time will be spent as I please. Now, I think I’ve been here for as long as I need to, so you five can work out the details on your own.” You stand, and walk away from the table.

“Love,” Rhys calls after you. “Love, I think that maybe we would benefit from your presence—”

“I can’t always be your mediator. I have a Wyrm to hunt. Good night.”

And you leave the males to grumble amongst each other.

If you'd like to be tagged for future 'bats and fire' chaos, comment and I'll add you to the taglist!

Read 02 HERE

[k1ssingangels]

based on a funny reflection on how I used to think Renado was a woman as a child when i first played twilight...

[inseparabiles]

blink twice if you need help, sincerely.

[sososunniest]

I had a vision

[reneesbooks]

a shitty comic sans intro to the raedoran cycle for the new year. click for higher quality

ask to be added to the taglist if you're interested in some found family shenanigans with magic moons and monsterfuckers :)

taglist: @oh-no-another-idea @k--havok @theharpywrites

[roaldseth]

Is triangle strategy good cause I've heard mixed opinions

My biased opinion: absolutely yes.

My unbiased opinion: absolutely yes.

But, just so you don't just jaunt about your day saying "well that wasn't helpful at all!" This is a more thorough breakdown below to why I like and recommend Triangle Strategy, as well as going into some common reasons as to why people say it's bad or have mixed feelings.

First and foremost as a disclaimer: I am not an SRPG enthusiast. I don't Fire Emblem or Tactics Ogre or what have you. However, I will address things in a broad sense and not things specifically for the genre.

>>STORY: The game opens you into a rather standard medieval-esque fictional setting; its land divided into 3 major powers: the Kingdom of Glenbrook, the Grand Duchy of Aesfrost, and the Holy State of Hyzante, each conveniently color coded for easy recognition and also have their own purposes and ideals. The farther you travers through the paths, for multiple routes await, and its history, the political and martial machinations quickly unfold from easy-going times to one absolutely engulfed in harrowing accounts stemming from no right answers. Despite any preset allegiances, the player, as a young newly appointed lord of the most acclaimed High House of Glenbrook, sits in-between the 3 forces and becomes the epicenter of the continent's, Norzelia's, fate.

Triangle Strategy is a game about harsh wartimes, the impossible decisions needed to make and end them, and the many results that you have directly and indirectly caused. Recently, I had made a post on other social media in which I noted that this game took me a very long time to complete because I had, at point, become physically unable to play from choice aversion and the dangers of outcomes. This is not a flaw of Triangle Strategy. This is its purpose. In those times, the game had done exactly what it was meant to do, so that aspect or level of anxiety while playing a first run-through is not appealing, then it might be something to reconsider with entertaining. However, I will say that eventually you can get accustomed and it can become easier to make those less than desirable choices. The common consensus that I also agree with is to play through your first run as blindly as possible, moving forward with your instincts and gut and even emotions rather than a guide or walkthrough. This is greatly reinforced with the Convictions mechanic, and baby virtually everything counts towards conviction. Pet that cat. You will feel better about it, trust me.

Throughout your path(s) you are presented with a variety of situations. Thought the main story is dire after the first handful of chapters, there is reprieve with character stories that range from silly to heartwarming to melancholic and just an all around fun way of knowing a little bit more on who certain characters are and how they interact with others and the world around them. The script itself isn't difficult, not written in an unintelligible old english, but in just enough way to get the feel of antiquity without being completely lost, making things seem more colorful. There's even a differentiation between characters who'll say "aye" as opposed to a more modern "yes," which is just delightful in my opinion.

The world-building however is understood enough to serve its purpose, but the exact details of many things are left up in the air for question if you look slightly below the surface. Though I personally am left wanting more because I fancy lore, it's very "a piece of a fiction novel" about it. It owns a lot of things it doesn't explain and that's what any writer would do if they were to create a fantasy novel with complex systems and history. It knows what's important to make it move.

As a close off, I would like to note one thing that I think was very bold of Triangle Strategy and that was its endings. Though there is a coveted ending that many strive for, even then the options you are ultimately given are all the results of the ones you hold closest giving in to their lowest selves, and because they are at their worst, the endings reflect that. That one specific, coveted ending is often remarked as "ill planned" and not necessarily thought out well from attempting to neatly tie everything back up into a happy present in contrast to the others, but as someone who's delved through the trenches of the MegaTen (Shin Megami Tensei) franchise and fandom, there is something to be said about "keeping the status quo" and it is that its delaying an ultimate inevitability. "Neutral" isn't always best or superior or a "happy ending."

>>CAST: Triangle Strategy truly is a game that has a character for everyone. It is large, but it is not skimping for quality. You will see literally any flavor of war veteran old man to pretty young adult boys that could've been a boyband in a different time to strong and independent battle women, many good and bad strong battle women, to peepaw who is probably in his 80s but is everyone's grandpa and a sniper. Each character feels like there was a level of care given into them, and even some all the more revealed after they are no longer able to. The world interacts, it breaths, and so does Norzelia's inhabitants.

For playable characters, there are 30 playable units to acquaint one's self with, each with their own unique class, weapons, and aptitudes. No one unit's development tree is interchangeable, which falls more into the category below (Gameplay), but it's also important in a way to see them as individuals. You will remember everyone's names, even with units that aren't your favorites or play style.

Outside of playable units, there still is a hefty list of important NPCs that are not any less composed, orchestrated, or of variation than our playable characters. Sometimes you will be in an instance struggling to remember what the fuck Clarus had done or who Patriette is or that Tenebris is still one of the Saintly Seven, but... the magic is in the fact that Triangle Strategy is designed to be experienced more than once to get the full effect. They too have their needs and reasons.

If you as a player want to do one run-through and call it quits, you will certainly still have an impressionable experience, but it will only grow the more invested. I didn't find it that hard because I had fallen in love with everything Triangle Strategy has to offer, so I had my own compulsion to keep moving with it, but if it doesn't ultimately strike you in that way, it is a part you will miss. But that is still okay though.

>>GAMEPLAY: Triangle Strategy is accessible for any level of strategist to stumble through with its difficulty settings. There is an Easy, Normal, and Hard mode. It's common for players to even try their hands at Hard, Deathless runs (I don't know if this is a trophy on Steam. I played on Switch). Battles have a staggering variation of difficulties and difficulty spikes, but there are ways to mediate trouble battles you can't seem to get right. Besides difficulty settings, the game also offers a Quietus mechanic which act as a one-time, additional maneuver without taking a units turn up. Quietus has limits but there's many different actions that you can always implement to save your ass. Personally, 99% of the time I forgot Quietus existed and really only used them on mock battles and final battles mostly to see what they did or save me from having to do another 1+ hour of battle or whatever. But, most battles, you can absolutely pull off without Quietus. You can pull off a number of things a first run-through that many people struggle with and/or guides will tell you to use [character or ability you don't have] or certain strategy you can't get right or whatever.

I will touch upon this again below because it is a common comment, but Triangle Strategy's main course is narrative. To experience it, you need to be ready and understand that it has a story to tell. It has multiple stories to tell, and for that you will have long sections that are mainly dialogue, meaty dialogue too. The type of player that just wants to experience battle and "raw crunch gameplay" is not going to have a favorable opinion on the game format because not all mechanics are tied profitably into battle (if anything it's the other way around). You will have battles, and you can mock battle all you want at the tavern, but story battles are sparse to keep point and potency. That being said though, voting and persuasion is a major, at the heart concept of Triangle Strategy which ties into the aforementioned Convictions mechanic because we love democracy in this House until we don't and is not convenient! Play Triangle Strategy as a story and experience, the gameplay is mainly there to support and accentuate it.

If I tried to point out every little thing about Triangle Strategy this post would be miles long. The game explains and leans into everything very well so enjoy the stuff that isn't mentioned as much in their natural habitat in a relevant way for your own interests.

There is a great "divide" amongst players on wether or not Triangle Strategy is a "good" or "bad" game, and ultimately it boils down to understand who you are as a player, as a gamer. Note your interests and what you enjoy in a game and then gauge, because despite "oh it was bad," "oh it didn't do this," "oh it didn't do X thing that's better," "oh let me romance the blorbos together" the game pulled off a lot of executional aspects really well in its own ways to be its own identity. But, to comment about the common comments:

>>"The game doesn't have enough battles"

The game has an amount of battles actually. There's one battle a chapter, which is probably the hubbub on why people might think there "aren't enough." But most routes are 20 chapters, so that's 20 battles. It's just that chapters also vary in length and some can be long. Then, there's 35 mental mock battles available in the tavern of the encampment, realistically likely only seeing ~21 of them on a first play through though.

But, battling as a mechanic I consider a secondary mechanic to its main purpose: Conviction. Because there also is a certain thing that happens also in chapters, sometimes before battles, sometimes before votes, and that's exploration. This is a way to 1) gain a sense of a map that will likely be used as a battle map somewhen in your run, but also to 2) gain more conviction. Exploration is just as much of a thing in Triangle Strategy as combat.

So, in the end, I don't think the problem here is the battles, but rather the pacing the game presents. The player will be met with an interesting experience of feeling everything is dire and needs to be handled right away, while simultaneously moving rather slow and leisurely with no way to course correct because it's not side quests holding you down but the actual main event.

>>"The demo was slow and boring"

Unfortunately, I did not play early demos, because if memory serves me correct there were multiple versions. From friends, they have said that the early demos and final products are two separate games. Do not trust.

Then, the final demo which you can probably still download on the store (I haven't checked), is its final form, but much like Octopath Traveler, the demo presented is the beginning, it's the opening. If I remember correctly the demo goes to Chapter 3, which is ironic because after then is when things start spiraling downhill really, really fast. So by then you are introduced to the major components of Triangle Strategy. You experience the dialogue storytelling, you get through exploration, there's battles, there is a voting point in which you are introduced to the infamous Scales of Conviction, so it really touches upon all of the moving bits that make the game move. You get brief understanding of the state of Norzelia, its last major conflict, and the future prospects and direction it is moving in; none of which goes in any manner on how anyone wants it to move.

>>"The story is just Game of Thrones"

There's a special secret: any medieval fantasy setting is just "Game of Thrones" because Game of Thrones is the most recent rendition that is popular among the masses. Besides general, not-at-all-surprising political maneuvering and scheming, there really isn't one point in which it's overtly cumbersome as "ripping off" the award winning novel series, because a lot also stands to fact that history is just like that too. "There's powerful Houses that everyone has to watch out for and [other thing that I won't disclose because I think you'll get a better experience not knowing]" yeah and so did regular Europe back in the day, but now it's fictional and maximized to make an interesting story. Actually, Houses and clans are still a thing, I'd imagine, but have mainly been reduced to icons (but don't quote me on that).

Conquest, wars of successions, religious wars, whatever the Boston Tea Party is, power hungry individuals, people abusing power, puppet states/nations, and a lot of other things are historical events and writing tropes to be used as narrative devices. Whatever media you have consumed beforehand effecting your vision and enjoyment is unique to each individual and only influenced by that individual.

>>"The game has terrible voice acting."

Well, first off, show some pity on the voice actors. I don't know their full conditions but also note that the artbook lists that Triangle Strategy's art production was from 2018-2022, and well, a certain pandemic happened in early 2019. It was likely by at least September 2021 that they had finalized voiced lines because teasers were going out with used tracks and lines. I don't remember when the first teaser went out, I was only alerted by several people when Benedict happened because of my character brand, and that's the moment it was over for me to be honest.

But, disregarding that, I'm no expert, but I love how some voices were done. I can still distinctly hear what Erador sounds like, like Mr. Wingert's voice greatly helped define Erador. Sure, I do recall originally opening Triangle Strategy for the first time and listening to Benedict speak and he was very.... flat, but in a very specific way. However, now in hindsight, I have a great appreciation for that because now knowing Benedict, what else was he supposed to sound like? It has a different interpretation and understanding when seeing what's attached to who and how, and in early game with a lot of characters to keep track of that doesn't always click. But, damn, if I do not mimic Lionel every time I say "yes, ha ha, yes" like that's voice acting, it sticks like a tv commercial.

Even though I have thoroughly went off in a lot of directions, I just cannot cover everything. I am absolutely open for engagement if anyone would like further discussion about anything I didn't cover or did cover. Thank you for the ask, and I hope this helped in some manner.

[fluffylittleguy]

If I find my pen, I will make a digital version of this😥

[kingwolfie08]

dont ask

[arenaconspiracy]

ohh i can't draw, i can't sing, learning new skills is just not my thing

no no no i can't map, i can't model, even what i'm supposed to know i just can't do

[spookyforestcryptid]

The Shadows of Darkness sequel literally nobody asked for

[super-powerful-queen-reyna]

K just gonna put folklore, evermore, midnights and the tortured poets department right there

[i-am-q]

THE US MILITARY ILLEGALLY ENSCRIPTED ME AFTER DENYING ME ENTRY ON ACCOUNT OF MY ADD DIAGNOSIS AND PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION TO CONDUCT EXPERIMENTAL RESEARCH ON MY HUMAN BRAIN THROUGH GENETIC MUTATIONS OUTLINED IN MY PREVIOUS POST SHARED ON MY ACADEMIC PAGE PRIOR TO BEING FLAGGED FOR “SUSPICIOUS DOCUMENTATION”. THE ARMY RESEARCH DOCUMENTATION WAS SENT TO ME LEGALLY AND ALL QUESTIONS RELATED TO MY ABILITY TO OBTAIN THE MATERIAL SHALL BE DIRECTED TOWARDS MY PHD ADVISOR (Prof. Chrys Wesdemiotis) AND SENIOR STUDENT AT THE TIME (2021) KAYLA WILLIAMS-PAVLANTOS.

[prlssprfctn]

Every time another joke about Batman/Bruce Wayne passes by me, I can't help but imagine that the whole rumour about these two dating was originally (and probably accidentally) created by Bruce himself.

Just imagine, a teen Bruce, still only starting with his vigilante career, makes a crucial mistake - he pays with his own credit card in front of people, while being Batman. A stupid, absolutely instinctive mistake, but in his defence he wasn't sleeping normally for a week, and had an open wound in his stomach that day, so. Whoops.

And then someone asks Bruce Wayne about it, in front of a thousand cameras. And he blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind.

Reporter: So, mister Wayne, recently citizens had reported that they saw Batman paying for the damage in the city... with your credit card. Care to explain details behind this?

Bruce, smiling stupidly: Oh, he is my ex. I sometimes sponsor him.

The crowd: (goes wild)

Alfred, starting at the interview back in the Batcave: ...We are never going to get rid of this, are we?

And guess what? They don't!

Bruce thinks that with time passing, with his love interests switching and new rumours spawning in the world, they might forget about it. He was young, he was stupid - he fucked up, alright?

But decades pass. He has a whole football team of kids. Everyone still ship Bruce and Batman.

And when this stupid video accidentally gets resurfaced on the internet again, his family goes insane. They start creating even more stupid rumours on galas.

Reporter: Mister Wayne... For years now, the crowds are speculating... Who is exactly your mother, and where is she now?

Damian, sighing pitifully: My father and my mother don't enjoy contacting each other, sadly. My mom says that their relationship was just a rebound; father desperately tries to forget Batman... Still, to this day.

Bruce, gripping the glass of champagne: ...

Talia, watching this interview with Ra's: Now, that's my son right there.

Dick: Oh, why I was screaming at Batman in the middle of the street a few days ago? Oh, this bastard- I mean, this respectable vigilante, he dared to get in the argument with Bruce. He can't really leave him alone, really! They are so insane about each other... So toxic, but so, uh, captivating... But you know, Bruce! He has such a fragile heart...

Gotham: Aw-w, poor mister Wayne!

Bruce, sighing: Jesus Christ.

Tim, shaking his head to the camera: I hate Red Robin, really. Did you know that his existence is just a direct offence to my father? Yeah, actually, Batman took this kid under his wing with another man - I am not going to tell who - to make dad jealous. This is disgusting!

Jason, who returned from the death by pretending that all this time he was under the child protection system after becoming an accidental witness of the second Robin's death: Oh, yeah, it was tough... Poor kid exploded in front of my eyes! Reporter: But, mister Todd-Wayne, what were you doing in that warehouse?

Jason, wiping fake tears: They were like my divorced parents, you know... Batman and Bruce. Batman really tried to mend things with dad back then, and wanted me to like him... We just wanted to spend some time together with him, and that Robin kid... God, it was terrible... Batman refuses to contact me now. I miss my second dad...

Bruce, back in the Batcave, watching as Batman's reputation goes lower and lower: ........................... Alfred: Well, master Bruce... Bruce: Not a word. Al. Please.

[thenookspace]

Adding on to this bc the au lives rent free and is brushing narrative crumbs onto my couch: LONG POST AHOY

mentioned in the tags of the last post that the jedi in this au are a sorta organised community of sirens but it's still undecided on how the jedi transform from taily scaley hypercarnivorous fishy horrors but for now it's a spell/potion or other ocean magic bs which - for Plot Reasons - has a distinct 12 hour time limit and reset period

meaning that all jedi have a day/night to break it down human style before they have to haul their fishy asses back to the sea before they turn into sea foam or get fish-outed and put everyone in danger

that being said, the jedi that do go to shore absolutely get up to the most wacky not-possible-in-the-sea human bullshit ever

for instance: Mace Windu uses Surface Time to become an underground musical theatre star

Plo Koon somehow has a fully legitimate pilot's licence despite not knowing shit about everything that comes before the certificate-of-flying-deathcraft (he takes his buddies up for joyrides and nobody questions how he flies the aircraft or even if he actually owns the damn thing)

Kit Fisto doesn't like being on land (something something "public" something something "indecency") but he's friends with the local cave diving team

Yoda surfaces out of the Midnight Zone mostly to beat the shit out of seabirds

Anakin "secretly" visits Padme whenever Leg Day rolls around bc the doofus assumed that human-siren relationships were forbidden (not if your human can keep their mouth shut!)

he usually vents to his ol' friend Palpatine who "accidentally" saw him transforming one night but has just been so supportive ever since! absolutely no bad intentions! not even a whiff of "bulldoze the town to build a research facility filled with kidnapped sirens who he'll find by promising Anakin that the Horrible Vivisections will find a way for him to be with Padme forever" on him!! just a trustworthy old town mayor doing town mayor things!

(forewarning: nothing too awful happens in this au due to Fox&Padme lawyer shenanigans and my own inability to make sad endings)

meanwhile, for those who have legs

couldn't decide whether the mandatory Fett Family Business is a music shop - think vinyls, strings, guitars and One Lone Piano in the corner that Nobody is allowed to play (it was Jaster's) - or a myriad of various Ocean Things and decided to fuck it all and do both bc when you have that many brothers/half-brothers/cousins/family friends/family friend's kids/people you aren't sure about but are probably related to/people who definitely aren't related to you but just won't fuck off, you have options

eg, Monnk is def on the aforementioned cave diving team (he's 500% Kit's supplier for Weird Human Shit)

Wolffe and the Pack are in maritime search&rescue (they taught Plo how to fly thinking it would be funny until he fuckin adopted them)

Alpha 17 is the local lighthouse keeper who just wants the bloody sea raccoons (Very Curious sirens that he gives Very Few Shits about) to get out of his trash

and Fox is underpaid overworked mayor's aide who would've fucked off to the lighthouse already if he didn't know that Palpatine would flatten everyone if Fox wasn't there to 'forget' the contact details of every major land developer in the area

@cosmic-j0ke speculated that Jango might already know about the sirens bc of a tragic accident years ago and due to that being a fucking fantastic point it's 100% canon to the au now everybody give them a round of applause

the incident in question involved the disappearance/deaths of Jaster and the crew of Jaster's fishing vessel off the coast of Galidraan that left Jango obsessed with hunting "sirens" that everybody assumes were figments of a traumatised child's imagination

Dooku swore up and down he had acted in self-defense but was still banished from any jedi territories after he rescued and returned the deliriously dehydrated human boy he had found in the hold

was also kinda conflicted about whether Jango should still be obsessed with sirens to the detriment of Everyone but then I remembered that this is a literary cotton ball so Jango gets to mellow out on the mer-murdering after a while due to the stress of raising a metric assload of kids

+ all the niblings/little cousins/people you hired to help you hunt sirens who stuck around/their kids/ etc

but not before getting really into music engineering in an attempt to reverse engineer siren song

which becomes a surprisingly handy party trick when starting a music shop

fast forward to present day Cody mostly runs the music shop due to being the only one actually interested in dealing with People on Land all day long

he occasionally sprinkles in some lifeguarding because it's easy money to babysit a town of people who were all swimming before they could walk

but he has a Problem

the younger Fett & co kids have been kicking up a storm lately about learning the piano and getting curious about Jaster's Piano (dun dun dun) that Cody and the others never learned to play over the course of their Very Different childhoods (that will definitely never become an emotional plot point ahaha)

(not sure where tf any ''younger members" of the Fett extended family network would come from or even which characters they are - Boba and Omega are easy options, Omega is Hunter's kid no muss no fuss but Boba is a difficult one considering that Jango is theoretically too old for young kids in this au if Cody, Rex, Wolffe, Fox and co are all adults, will need some help here)

mystery child origins aside the kids are too young to be at sea so they're stuck with Cody and his soft heart in the shop when they start getting big piano-based ideas

ofc after folding like a house of cards and cursing out the kids' new preference for keys instead of string instruments like Good and Reasonable Fetts, Cody goes looking for a piano tutor and bargain deals on cheap eBay keyboards (he won't touch Jaster's piano bc that hurt is more a family heirloom than the instrument itself)

the keyboards are easy to get a hold of aside from exorbitant shipping prices (the irony), but a tutor willing to brave Jango??? might as well mail a craigslist ad to the bottom of the fucking ocean

so Cody's seriously considering pulling an Alpha 17 and fucking off to the lighthouse or sucking it up and learning piano (Alexa play Surface Pressure)

until he's lifeguarding (read: stress napping) one day and wakes to the most ~enchanting~ song from a nearby busker (he's dressed like a forlorn english professor who forgot the memo about pants but oh boy is he Beautiful), who's playing the most decrepit, water-damaged nasty looking keyboard Cody's ever seen

(Obi-wan found it in the Human Waste Box and he's incredibly proud of all the magic/non-magic modifications, he put those barnacles there himself!)

half an hour and one job offer later the tourist (???) is following Cody back to the shop and lessons are going swimmingly (HA)

obv Obi-wan has no idea how to actually play the keyboard, much less teach anyone anything but Seabed Radio's 40 Hottest Whale Songs but the kids are having enough fun to stop them snitching and Cody has conked out from post-Task adrenaline crash and could not care less about the gorgeous man in his shop teaching his little siblings piano (but he will!)

Jango, however, immediately clocks Obi-Wan as a Fish and spends the entire time seething at Obi-wan's very obvious siren-ness, Cody's obliviousness to Obi-wan's very obvious siren-nessand everyone else's wilful ignorance to Obi-wan's very obvious siren-ness bc he makes Cody happy and Jango's conniptions are funny

this is the end for now bc tumblr text limit hates me but next on the agenda: the actual fucking Plot!

God fucking damnit I misread sith Obi-wan as siren Obi-wan ONCE and now I have THOUGHTS about small town siren Obi-wan disguising himself as an eccentric music tutor/boardwalk busker to explore the ~human world~

[vlaserbeam]

One thing that isn’t being discussed about the White Pharaoh is where on Earth the image came from.

“Oh, it’s just from an online slots game”

BUT THATS THE THING!!! IM NOT SURE ABOUT THAT!!! CAUSE WHEN YOU LOOK CLOSER:

THE BACKGROUND AND COLORS ARE DIFFERENT. Noticeably so, too, the first one has more muted colors and a realistic background while the second is incredibly saturated with an obviously drawn background. This would make genuinely no sense to have two pieces of advertising for the game be so different if this was made for the slots game.

My proposed theory: white pharaoh is a piece of stock artwork / imagery, explaining the artistic differences between the two pictures.

But this can only be solved by either

A. Finding the origin of picture 1

B. Finding the source of the stock artwork

Those willing, please help my search.

EDIT: Because the sentiment keeps being echoed in the replies and reblogs, its important to remember there’s currently no proof the image was in a textbook. You’re likely recalling this social media post:

The post in question is a joke about how American education whitewashes cultures and figures it teaches about, a very important critique– but that doesn’t mean this specific picture was in a textbook. We haven’t found the textbook this picture supposedly comes from.

Though plenty of people in the replies have recalled seeing the image in a textbook, we haven’t found the supposed textbook in question. It’s part of the call to action in the post– you think you saw it before? See if you can recall what textbook you had that you saw it in.

EDIT 2: Additionally, @/goldenspirits has made AMAZING progress in finding background and image origins, with higher quality versions of the render than we’ve seen so far. Please go check their reblog out, because it’s genuinely the best lead we have so far.

[ham1lton]

EVERYTHING IS EMBARRASSING ?

pairings: max verstappen x podcaster!reader

faceclaim: taylor russell

summary: you run the number one podcast on spotify, agonyauntie, and your dream guest is max verstappen. too bad for you that he hates podcasts.

or the one where your podcast is max’s guilty pleasure.

author’s note: clearing out drafts.

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liked by yourbestfriend, alexandrasaintmleux and 1,837,892 others.

yourusername: after a month long hiatus, agonyauntie is back with bigger and better stories. i’m excited to share the newest episode with you on all of the available channels.

please tune in so my mom won’t regret letting me drop out of university to pursue airing people’s dirty laundry on the internet. thank you xoxo

view all comments

user1: WE WON WE WON HELLO!!!!!

user2: will you ever top mango man? i don’t think so.

-> yourusername: trust me user2. we will.

user3: the way during the hiatus the podcast was still #4 on the spotify chart is crazy.

-> user4: WE COMIN FOR THAT NUMBER ONE SPOT YUP!!!

user5: prettiest girl ever. you need a youtube channel so we can see that facecard.

-> user6: she said she prefers podcasting to making videos because she’s awkward asf 😭

-> user7: real omg

-> user8: she’s so me.

user9: who is this 😻

-> user10: yn yln! she’s the creator and host of agonyauntie, which she started back in university. it was originally a radio show in which people would email her their problems and she’d tell them advice. it went viral when she did the episode of ‘mango man’ (just google it, it’s hilarious) and then she moved to a podcast format so it was more accessible. it went to number one and she’s halfway through s2. it’s so good!!! honestly you need to listen to the episodes.

landonorris: SO EXCITED YESSSS 🤩

-> user11: always at the scene of the crime

-> user12: how many fandoms is this guy in? 🤨

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AGONYAUNT! season 2, episode 7.

[soft jazzy intro music fades out]

yn: okay, this next email is… wow. honestly, when i read it, i had to sit back, take a sip of tea, and whisper, “what the actual hell?” to myself. so naturally, i had to include it in the episode.

let me just read it for you.

[mock-serious tone as she reads aloud]

“hi yn, first off, i love the podcast. you’re literally the only person i trust to handle this because everyone else would either call me crazy or tell me to dump him, and honestly, neither of those options feel right (yet). anyway, here goes: i think my boyfriend is trying to become a bird.

i know that sounds like i’ve lost the plot, but please hear me out. it started small—like him watching a lot of bird documentaries and casually saying things like, ‘owls are the wolves of the sky’ (which i didn’t think about at the time because men say weird things constantly). but then he started doing… bird things. he whistles now. a lot. not cute whistling, yn. it’s more like he’s calling for backup.

then last week i caught him eating sunflower seeds—not out of a bag, but cracking them open with his teeth and spitting the shells on the carpet. the carpet, yn. he’s also been spending suspicious amounts of time sitting on the windowsill ‘for the breeze’ and called a pigeon his ‘mate’ the other day like they’re friends now??

but the final straw? he built a nest. like, an actual nest. i came home from work to find him on the couch surrounded by twigs, string, and what i think might’ve been my missing socks. he said it was ‘just a joke,’ but when i asked why there were eggs in it, he got all defensive and said i ‘wouldn’t understand.’

so now i don’t know what to do. do i confront him and risk him flying away (literally)? or do i just let him… become whatever he’s becoming? pls help me yn. i miss my normal boyfriend who used to just binge-watch love island and occasionally make me toast.

cheers, girl who might be dating a parrot.”

[pause for comedic effect]

yn: okay. wow. first of all, thank you for this email. genuinely, it’s given me a lot to think about. like, this man has gone full National Geographic, and you’re just… casually living with it? incredible. i’m so glad you came to me because i don’t think your friends would’ve taken this seriously enough, and frankly, neither will i, but we’ll do our best.

so. is your boyfriend trying to become a bird? honestly, yeah. sounds like he’s halfway there. whistling, befriending pigeons, eating seeds like he’s at a football match—this man is leaning in hard. and i have to say, the nest? iconic. horrifying, but iconic. he built an actual nest in your home. he didn’t just think about it; he did it. that’s commitment.

but here’s the thing: you have to ask yourself, are you okay with this? like, if you imagine your life five years from now and you’re still with him, is he going to be perched on top of the fridge, squawking about how you don’t appreciate him? or is this just a phase? because maybe it’s temporary. maybe he’s stressed, and this is his way of coping—some people journal, some people go bird-mode.

what i suggest is this: sit him down for a chat. calmly ask, “babe, are you going through something? or are you genuinely preparing to molt?” like, we need clarity here. and if he doubles down on the bird thing, you have a choice to make. either support him and start buying bulk birdseed, or set him free—preferably in a park, not near any major roads.

also, maybe keep your eye on those eggs. i don’t know where he got them, but i’d be concerned.

anyway, good luck with your pigeon-man. i wish you nothing but the best, and if it escalates, please email me again. i have to know what happens.

[transition music fades in]

yn: right, let’s move on before i spiral into a full TED talk about men and their inability to handle hobbies normally. honestly, this man saw blue planet one time and said, “that’s my personality now.” unbelievable.

[music fades out, next segment begins]

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liked by landonorris, ynsfanpage and 1,727,908 others

agonyauntie: our newest episode is out next week, here are three clues about what it will include.

(hint: the middle one is that our host will be involved. spoiler alert! 😉)

view all comments

user1: omg it’s MAX VERSTAPPEN

-> user2: who tf is that

-> user3: exactly like yn said celebrities as guests

-> user4: he’s literally famous? he’s a formula one star???

-> user3: okay congrats

-> user4: ??

-> user3: girl idk what u want me to say idgaf abt that man 😭 good for him getting the krabby patty formula one or wtvr

user5: OMG MAX AND YN…

-> user6: new ship name needed asap

-> user7: new job application needed ASAP!

user8: omg what if yn and max get together? he’s her dream guest and she seemed a little into him om the live she did watching the f1 race.

-> user9: um he’s literally gay i just googled it…

-> user10? HUH?

-> user9: his fiance is charles leclerc i just read how they met on this gossip website called ao3. very cute. it also told me more about obama’s secret lover, some guy called harry styles. you should check it out.

-> user10: u grown as hell and u can vote. the world is a scary place.

user11: AND NEXT GUEST WILL BE LANDONORRIS LETS PRAY TOGETHER 😎

-> user12: lando we know it’s you take them glasses OFF!

-> user11: 🥲 🕶🤏🥲

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author’s note: hi :) just looking for some feedback. send me an ask with what sort of fics u guys like. idk what to post. have a lot of drafts. also idk this will get a pt2. i just want it GONE! sorry <3