#THIS TIME AYE THREATENS TO PUNCH AKK

[quodekash]

in our skyy 2 they’d better reference ‘you punch me once, i kiss you once’ bc he was not kidding about that line and i feel like he could’ve taken advantage of it a whole lot more than he did 

[saladbroth]

i've said it before and i'll say it again, akk is being held together by immense amounts of pressure and sime kind of twisted belief that he's doing it right this way, and not much else - that was confirmed by the whole conversation on the beach and i know this is sort of the point of the show but i'm so angry that this kind, loving, goofy boy is being gaslit and manipulated into being someone he isn't

"if i can't do it, everyone will be disappointed in me" listen. LISTEN. not to have mommy issues and trauma but that shit resonates so much?! the fear that if you don't do things you might not even want to do, things that go entirely against what you want to be, will end up with people being disappointed and upset? putting immense amounts of pressure on yourself? not being able to bear it and threatening to fall apart at the slightest show of affection apart from that? that hits very close to home

it's the way akk is trying so hard and doing things that are literally illegal to uphold the stupid school's reputation, because a teacher, a grown ass man he looks up to, emotionally manipulates him to do whatever he wants. the way he doesn't acknowledge his feelings, doesn't think he's allowed to show weakness or have issues with the way things are run, because nobody showed him that he actually is allowed. that he shouold do that we still don't know much about his family but i bet his parents also put pressure on him, or have done so in the past to the point where akk never really learned to put himself first. maybe he's the first in his family to go to a prestigious school, maybe his parents love him but want him to succeed where they couldn't so much that they disregard akk's wellbeing - we'll see

but akk doesn't know how to be in a way that isn't functional in some way. he's been molded into what he thinks he has to be, and he's cracking. he's coming apart at the mere notion of someone supporting him, seeing worth in him, loving him even, entirely untethered to whether or not he's doing what he's been taught is 'right'

"you can't carry all the school's problems on your shoulders alone" "screw those people! put yourself first, akk." this is. i can't even say just how important it was for aye to tell him that. how important it was that he grabbed akk's face and forced him to look at him while he said it. there was desperation in ayan's voice and eyes and face, and fuck, khaotung and first are delivering gut punch after gut punch with their talents, because we can see just how much he needs akk to know that and believe him (side note: i'm wondering if dika mentioned similar sentiments and ayan is scared for akk because of that, or just because no kid should feel like that anyway) i just really want to know if akk has ever been told that before. judging by his reaction probably not, or at least not in a very, very long time, and ayan making sure to repeat the notion, to hug him and hold him and give him permission to cry and be weak is so so important

ayan can tell akk is cracking. he can see this beautiful, kind boy that he's absolutely fascinated with, breaking apart and becoming something he isn't and shouldn't be and you can see the absolute panicked urgency he has to make sure akk doesn't and akk. god. akk is coming apart at the seams with every bit of unconditional affection that ayan gives him. he's going to break, not because of the external pressure but because internally he'll let go of the ropes that tie him into the form he's not. he's going to shatter apart into millions of pieces once he allows himself to be who he is, and he's going to rebuild himself it's starting, this episode, and we can see it, the way his true self comes out between the cracks in his composure, bleeding into every interaction with ayan, something low and steady, dripping away at his resolve - allowing him to feel safe enough to actually feel and emote freely, letting him care for ayan, letting him take care of him and comfort him and hug him, kiss his cheek and kiss his boy, and protect him as best he can

and honestly? ayan is going to break too. he's different, but oh so similar in the pressure he puts onto himself, and the preview showed that akk is going to give him the permission he needs to break, too

akk and ayan are the forces tearing each other apart and letting themselves form again, something new and better. something tender and loving and something both of them deserve so, so much. they make me feral