#THIS IS THEIR FAULT

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Mr Ratioooo…save me…

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Let's Talk About How Book 3 Ruined Aang

If you've seen any of my prior ATLA posts, you know that I don't hate Aang. In fact, I quite liked him in Books 1 and 2. He was flawed, as all characters should be, but the show didn't shy away from those flaws or justify them. He was called out for burning Katara and rushing his firebending, Sokka and Katara were rightfully upset when he hid Hakoda's letter, he willingly owns up to the fact that his actions helped drive Toph away, and his entire arc after losing Appa and finding hope again in The Serpent's Path was beautifully done.

(Hell, even in The Great Divide Katara says what Aang did was wrong and he agrees. It's played for comedy, but the show still makes the effort to point out that what he did wasn't the right thing to do. You're just meant to understand that he was fed up and acted off of that)

Those flaws and mistakes were addressed and improved upon and helped Aang to grow as a character.

But for some reason, that aspect of Aang's character was completely flipped in Book 3.

The best examples of this are in both TDBS and EIP. Both the show and the fandom are too quick to brush off that Aang kissed Katara twice without her consent, one of which after she explicitly said she was confused about her feelings.

(And yes, she is angry in response and Aang calls himself an idiot. But after this, it isn't really addressed. They go on like nothing happened for the rest of the episode. Aang's lamentation comes from screwing things up with her romantically, not that he violated boundaries)

The show never really addressed why what he did was wrong. Not only because he wasn't given consent, but also because both times he isn't thinking about what Katara wants. In both instances, Aang is only thinking about himself and his feelings. This is something that persists through a lot of the third book. And by Sozin's Comet it ultimately ruins any character development he had built up in the second book.

One thing I feel was completely disregarded was the concept of having to let go of Katara in order to master the Avatar State.

For me, the implication wasn't that he had to give up love or happiness necessarily. He was emotionally attached to and reliant on Katara, to the point where she was needed to stop him from hurting everyone around him and himself. This is obviously detrimental to his functionality as the Avatar. And the point of him "letting her go" wasn't that he had to stop caring about her, it was that his emotional dependency on her was stopping him from being the Avatar he needed to be and that was what needed to be fixed. I don't even think it's about the Avatar State itself, it's about being able to keep your emotions and duty as the Avatar separate.

(If you look at Roku, he loved and had a wife. It wasn't his love for her that messed everything up, it was his attachment to Sozin. He wasn't able to let Sozin go and not only did he lose his life for it, the world suffered for it. It's the unhealthy attachments that seem to be detrimental, not love itself)

And Aang realizes that in the catacombs, which is how he's able to easily enter the Avatar State and seemingly control it. He let Katara go.

So then why does it seem like his attachment to Katara is not only stronger, but worse in mannerism? He liked Katara in Books 1 and 2- obviously- but he was never overly jealous of Jet or Haru. He only makes one harmless comment in Book 2 when Sokka suggests Katara kiss Jet.

But suddenly he's insanely jealous of Zuko (to the point of getting frustrated with Katara over it), off the basis of the actions of actors in a clearly misrepresentative play. Katara showed a lot more interest in Jet and Aang was completely fine with it.

(Speaking of EIP, Aang's reaction to being played by a woman was interesting. He wore a flower crown in The Cave of Two Lovers. He wove Katara a flower necklace. He wore Kyoshi's clothes and makeup and made a funny girl voice. He willingly responded to Twinkle Toes and had no issue being called that. And for some reason he's genuinely upset about being played by a woman? Aang in Books 1 and 2 would have laughed and enjoyed the show like Toph did. His aversion to feminity felt vastly out of character)

I guess my point is, why did that change? Why was Aang letting go of Katara suddenly irrelevant to the Avatar State? It felt like him letting go was supposed to be a major part of his development. Why did that stop?

Myself and many others have talked about The Southern Raiders. The jist of my thought process about it is his assumption that he knew what was best for Katara. And the episode doesn't really call out why he was wrong. Maybe sparing Yon Rha was better for Katara, maybe it wasn't (the only one who's allowed to make that choice is her). Pushing forgiveness? That was wrong. But the episode has Zuko say that Aang was right when the course of action Katara took wasn't what Aang suggested.

Katara's lesson here was that killing him wouldn't bring back her mother or mend the pain she was going through and that Yon Rha wasn't worth the effort. That's what she realizes. Not that she needed to embrace forgiveness. How could she ever forgive that? The episode saying Aang was right wasn't true. Yes she forgives Zuko, but that wasn't what Aang was talking about. He was specifically talking about Yon Rha.

And that was wrong. Aang can choose the path of forgiveness, that's fine. That's his choice. But dismissing Katara's trauma in favor of his morals and upbringing wasn't okay.

I know it sounds like this is just bashing Kataang. But it's not simply because I don't like Kataang, in my opinion it brings down Aang's character too, not just Katara's. But let's steer away from Kataang and Katara for a minute.

The one thing that solidifies Aang's character being ruined in Book 3 for me is the fact that he- at the end of the story- does the same thing he did in the beginning.

He runs away when things get hard.

Aang couldn't make the choice between his duty and his morals. So he ran. Maybe it wasn't intentional, but subconsciously he wanted an out. And this is really disappointing when one of the things he was firm about in Book 2 was not running anymore. His character went backwards here and that's not even getting into the real issue in Sozin's Comet.

There's been contention about the Lion Turtle intervention. For many- including myself- it's very deus ex machina to save Aang from having to make a hard decision. And that in turn doesn't reflect kindly on his character.

Everyone- Sokka, Zuko, Roku, Kyoshi, Kuruk, and Yangchen (who was another Airbender and was raised with the same beliefs he was and would understand which was the whole point of him talking to her)- told him he had to kill Ozai. They all told him it was the only way. And he refused to listen to any of them, rotating through his past lives until he was given the answer he wanted.

And before anyone says that I'm bashing Aang for following his culture, I'm not. Ending the war peacefully, in my opinion, wasn't the problem. In a way, I think it allowed the world to heal properly. However, that doesn't make up for the fact that Aang refused to make a choice and face the consequences of that choice. Instead, he's given an out at the very last second.

Even if he couldn't kill Ozai and someone else had to deliver the final blow, that would have been better than the Lion Turtle showing up and giving him a power no one's ever had before. It would have been a good compromise, he doesn't have to have blood directly on his hands but what needs to be done needs to still get done. It would also show that being the Avatar isn't a burden he has to bear alone. That when things get hard, he can't run away but he can rely on the people closest to him to help him through hard decisions.

All these issues aren't necessarily a problem with Aang. Aang prior to Book 3 didn't have most of these problems. This is a problem with the way he was handled

[banannabethchase]

Burn Me Down - also on AO3

~

After Mania XL, Seth runs into Roman. And then into Cody.

~

Seth and Cody, this is on you for being so womantic together. Title from Smoke by PVRIS.

~

Seth is alone, limping his way back from medical, when he sees the hunched figure. It’s a shape he memorized years ago, one that still feels a little wrong without a third slouching, smiling, fidgety shape next to him.

“Roman,” he says. It’s the first time in years that name has left his lips without the taste of malice and revenge on his tongue left behind.

He stops in his tracks. Seth prepares for backlash. For rage. For anger. He’ll deserve it.

Instead, Roman looks broken. “What?” he asks. “What could you possibly want?”

“I –” Seth knows what he wants. He wants to be 10 years ago, knowing what he knows now. He wants to be the person Roman deserved back then. He stumbles, a little, ache spinning up his spine.

“You’re hurt.” There’s no concern behind the words. It’s an observation. An obvious one, if Seth can editorialize.

Seth shrugs. “Have been for a while now.”

“Not this hurt.” Roman stares him down. In the past, Seth would have said something to cover the fact that he’ll blink first, he always would. Now, he closes his eyes. “Why’d you do it?”

“Do what?” Seth asks, opening his eyes to see Roman closer.

“You know what you did.” The accusation doesn’t sting like he expected. It aches, though, somewhere deep inside him, somewhere he knows may never heal.

“Say it,” Seth says. Because he doesn’t know what Roman considers the crime. There was too much in this night that could have been the catalyst for that hurt in Roman’s eyes.

“You manipulated me,” Roman says through gritted teeth. His voice is as hard as his eyes. But with the right flame, even steel can melt.

Seth shrugs, because there’s nothing more he can do. “You know who I am,” he says, and he wishes he could be louder.

“You manipulated me,” Roman snarls, “to save him. That’s not you.” He steps closer, until Seth bumps into a table. “That’s never been you.”

Seth swallows. “It is me,” he says, and he’s not sure where Roman is going with this. “I’m always looking out for my own interests. You know that.”

“That isn’t – you took a chair shot, from me – you knew…” He stops, hands clenched at his sides. Seth knows in a second it could be his throat under those fingers. Roman steps in closer, his arms closer to Seth than they’ve been since they almost choked him out. “You knew what I would do.”

Seth shrugs. He won’t balk. But he will fight back. “I did.”

“You gave yourself up, knowing what I’d do.” Roman’s face is too close for Seth to remember how to breathe. “You gave yourself up for somebody else. For him. Twice, two nights in a row.” He’s breathing heavily. Seth hopes whatever he does is at least quick.

He waits. He braces.

“You never did that for me.”

Seth looks at Roman, to see something shattered. Roman looks almost old, the grief of the night stealing years away from the edges of his eyes. “All this,” he says, and he’s crying. Roman Reigns is crying. “All this for him.”

Seth fears for a split second that this is the moment he dies. And then Roman steps away.

“I hope he gives you what you never found in me.”

Seth opens his mouth, a decade’s worth of words caught behind his teeth, but he doesn’t get the chance to say them. Roman offers him what, in other contexts, could be mistaken for a smile. But Seth knows better. Three steps, lacking the swagger that’s become his trademark, and then Roman turns around.

He doesn’t know how long he stands there. He doesn’t know how much time has passed when Cody, smiling, turns the corner.

“Oh, hey!” he says. His grin fades quickly, and he hands Pharaoh’s leash to Ricky who nods. “Rick, I, uh.”

“Later, man,” Ricky says, quietly. He nods at Seth, and it feels, somehow, like approval.

Cody’s hand, bumping against his, feels hesitant. “Seth,” he whispers.

“I did it wrong.” It’s all Seth can say. He doesn’t even know what it means. He only knows that they’re the only words that will come out of his mouth. “I did it wrong.”

“Whoa,” Cody says, steadying him by the shoulders. “Seth, no. You were perfect. You did everything right.”

“Then why does it hurt?” Seth collapses, expecting to hit the hard floor, but Cody catches him, lowering them slowly in a heap. His entire body shakes with sobs, with ten years of memories and regrets wreaking havoc through his already ruined body. He feels Cody collect all of his flailing limbs and pull him into his lap. They’re rocking slowly as Cody holds him close.

Seth’s never told him, is the thing. He never told Cody why he was so willing to sacrifice everything he had to give Cody what he needed. He never told Cody why he was so hell bound to make sure he did right by him.

He never told Cody what all this meant to him.

Cody’s whispering something to him, over and over.

“You’re not bad, Seth,” he says, “I promise, you’re not bad.”

“I did it wrong,” Seth says again. “It shouldn’t hurt anymore if I did it right.”

“What hurts?” Cody asks. “Where? Did medical miss something?”

Seth shakes his head, taking a shaky breath. “Not – not medical.”

“Did the ref miss something?” Cody pulls back, steadies Seth’s face with his hands. “Is there something internal?”

Seth laughs, because technically, yeah. It is internal.

“Okay, do we need to do a concussion protocol here?”

“No,” Seth says, trying to reign in the cackle. “No, no. I –” The laughter cuts off, abruptly, before Seth can get himself under control. “I don’t need that.”

Cody’s eyes are warm but concerned. “I’m getting you back to the hotel,” he says. “Up.”

Seth obeys before he realizes he’s doing it, scrambling to his feat at Cody’s behest like it’s normal.

He would do anything for Cody, he realizes. He doesn’t know when it became true. Only that it is.

“We’ll talk there,” Cody assures Seth. He sets hands on Seth’s shoulders and steers him toward the door.

“Don’t – wait.”

Cody stops, but keeps his hands on Seth’s shoulders. “Wait?”

“You have to celebrate,” Seth says, and he can’t make himself turn to see Cody. He can’t see the relief in his eyes when Cody realizes that Seth is letting him off the hook. “With your friends.”

“Seth,” Cody says gently, his hands smoothing down Seth’s shoulders and down to his arms. “I want to be with you right now.”

Seth turns. “What?”

“If you want to,” and Cody looks so sincere it feels impossible, “I want to celebrate with you.”

Seth has enough wherewithal to check up and down the hallway before he leans in. Cody meets him halfway, pulling him in with strong arms. The belt around his waist presses against Seth’s stomach, but it’s worth it. Cody kisses sure and strong, intentional, and Seth pulls him in close enough to really feel the belt dig in.

Cody pulls back after god knows how much time.

“Hotel,” Seth says, breathless.

They separate to gather their bags, and Seth is in a whirlwind. The kiss didn’t seem to clear anything up; if anything, he’s more confused. The guilt and rejection still hurts, and the memory of Roman’s shattered eyes sticks in his vision. It hovers over him as he packs, as he walks to the hotel, as he rides the elevator to his room, as he drops his bags.

He sinks into the night’s events, feeling the sting of losing his belt, the clawing misery of watching his fair fight with Drew fall to Damian’s cash in, the slice to the heart of hearing the Shield music, the radiating pain of the Superman punch, the lightning strike of the chair to his back.

He helped Cody win.

And it all still hurts.

He’s jolted back to reality when a text buzzes from his phone.

Come by when you’re ready. They put me in the penthouse. Code 2639.

Seth swallows. He shouldn’t go. It’s not fair to Cody, to make him deal with Seth when he’s like this.

Stop freaking out.

Seth blinks at the text. And he does as Cody says.

Five minutes later, when he’s dressed in sweats and a hoodie and his hair in a bun, Seth knocks on the door to the suite. He fiddles with his phone, with his wallet. He expects others to be there, expects noise and expectation and chaos.

Instead, there’s a soft light and Cody. “You’re here,” Cody says. “Come in.”

Seth steps inside and looks around. They really do shell out the big money for that universal title – Seth’s room, though a suite, is nothing like this. “Nice place you got here.”

Cody laughs, dipping his head, and Seth thinks it’s unfair how handsome he looks in pajama pants and a tee shirt. “It’s a lot,” he sighs. He looks up, leveling Seth with piercing blue eyes. “Tonight’s been a lot.”

Seth can’t hold the gaze and looks away, only for Cody to catch his chin and turn him back, face to face. “Seth,” he murmurs. “Talk to me.”

Seth presses his lips together, fighting for words. “I did it wrong,” comes out again, and he wants to kick himself for it. That’s not what he means, it doesn’t even make sense, but he keeps saying it anyway.

“You did everything right,” Cody says, reassuring even though there’s no way he has a clue what Seth is saying. “You hear me?” Seth has no choice but to look up into Cody’s eyes again. “You went above and beyond tonight. You didn’t have to do any of it. But you did. It was incredible.”

“Then why does it hurt so much?” Seth whispers.

Cody guides him to the bed and sits him down gently, and Seth falls against his shoulders. He doesn’t know if he’s crying, exactly, but whatever it is wracks his body, tears out of him. “Why does it hurt?” he gasps, gripping at the soft, worn fabric of Cody’s old Bullet Club tee shirt. “I thought I did the right thing.”

“You did do the right thing,” Cody says. He wraps strong arms around Seths shoulders and holds him.

“Then why did Roman look so miserable?” Seth sighs. He presses his face into Cody’s shoulder, breathing in. He somehow found the time to shower and smells like sandalwood and warmth, maybe a little bit of vanilla. Seth doesn’t know how comforting he’s allowed to find it. “Why did Roman look like I broke his heart all over again?”

“Ah,” Cody says. “That’s it.”

Seth sits up, and wipes tears he hadn’t known were falling off his face. “If it was the right thing,” he says, voice almost a whisper, “why doesn’t it feel good?”

“Sometimes, you do the right thing because it’s the right thing.” He says. Seth feels him sigh. “Not because it’s easy. Not because it feels good. Not because everybody’s gonna like it.” He nudges Seth up. “You put yourself in between me and the firing squad, Seth. If nothing else, it was the kind thing.” He leans his forehead in, hands resting on Seth’s thighs. “To me, though. To me it’s everything.”

Seth fidgets, unsure where to put his hands. He settles for on the bed, outside of Cody’s arms. “I feel guilty,” Seth says. “For – for making him do that to me. For turning him into me.”

“Oh, no,” Cody says. “Not that again. Who you were isn’t who you are. And if anything,  you made up for that. Tonight.” He smiles, and Seth feels parts of his body rearranging to fit Cody inside of him. “Thank you, Seth.”

He manages a smile, eager to get anything back from Cody that feels like praise. The way Cody cups his face is more than he could have dreamed of. “It felt right,” Seth says. “Roman couldn’t keep doing that.”

Cody nods. “You really dug deep, though. Back can’t be feeling good right now.”

“It’s been worse,” Seth lies. “Really.”

Cody studies his face. “Have you gotten a chance to shower yet?”

Seth shakes his head. “No. Do I stink or something?”

Cody laughs. “No. There’s this jacuzzi tub in this suite, giant thing. Wanna take a bath?”

Seth feels flaming hot all of a sudden. He’s seen a lot of Cody tonight, given parts of himself to Cody that he never thought he had. And yet, the two of them naked together in a bath seems more intense than anything else they’ve done.

“Yes,” Seth breathes. “I like that idea.”

Cody is incredibly gentle as he pulls Seth’s clothing off. He hadn’t expected this part – Cody trails searching fingertips along Seth’s skin, like he’s checking him for injuries. Seth can’t help but jump as Cody grazes his lower back.

“Sensitive, huh,” Cody murmurs. “Maybe I can give you a little massage?”

“Sure,” Seth says, but he’s pretty sure he’d agree to anything if Cody kept touching him. Cody smiles and takes Seth’s hand, leading him toward the suite bathroom.

It’s huge. Almost as huge as Seth’s bedroom at home. A shower with a waterfall showerhead, a large jacuzzi tub with jets, a two person vanity with lights. There are two thick, cozy robes hanging on the back of the door as Cody closes it.

“Two robes, huh?” Seth asks.

Cody shrugs. “Guess I got lucky.”

Seth knows it’s not the time to say, “you might, if you keep talking like this,” but he thinks it and smiles. “Let’s get in that bathtub.”

“More like a hot tub, if you ask me.”

Cody turns on the faucet and it fills quickly, but not quickly enough to keep Seth from getting in Cody’s space.

“Oh, I see,” Cody laughs, settling his hands on Seth’s hips, “now you’re not using your words to get in my head, are you?”

Seth shrugs. “Figure I should kiss you a few more times before you get me naked in a tub with you.”

Cody leans in, and this time the kiss is more demanding. Seth gives what Cody asks for, opening his mouth, whimpering as Cody’s tongue slides into his mouth. It’s too much talent in one man, he thinks, as he almost loses his steadiness in his knees as Cody grips his hips. They’re almost exactly the same height, and he finds it to be the best angle he’s ever gotten in a kiss.

“Tub,” Cody murmurs, pulling back just far enough to speak. He presses a few more kisses to Seth’s lips, not letting him pull away.

“Can’t get in the tub if you keep kissing me,” Seth giggles. He feels light, effervescent, and he doesn’t know how it’s allowed to be this excited and happy after how much ache the night has caused him.

“Come back,” Cody commands. “Whatever you were thinking about, put it away. It doesn’t matter right now.” He reaches out and tugs the tie from Seth’s hair. “Focus on now. Right here. This.”

“Not allowed to think of how I lost my belt?” Seth asks.

“Nope,” Cody says, and he finally steps out of his boxers, the last barrier between the two of them. Seth forces himself not to look down. It feels too greedy. Cody grins at Seth as he lowers himself into the water, mouth dropping open as his eyes flutter shut. Seth looks now.

“Jesus,” he mutters.

“Come on in,” Cody says. He spreads his legs under the water. “Here.”

Seth presses his lips together and pulls his boxers off and steps the first foot into the water. He worries, briefly, if it’ll be too much, if it’ll be too much for the tub to handle, but the water level barely rises. He slowly lowers himself. When he sits, the water is at the perfect level. He leans forward and turns off the faucet.

“Come here,” Cody murmurs. “Come lean against me.”

He doesn’t know why he’s hesitating. He doesn’t know why it doesn’t feel okay.

“You don’t have to,” Cody says. He expects the words to have a hint of hurt behind them, but instead they’re reassuring, sweet.

Seth leans back.

“Hi,” Cody says, and Seth would swear he feels lips against his hair. “Better?”

“Gravity sucks,” Seth says, settling in. “I like water so much better. Should have been a swimmer.”

“You could have pulled it off,” Cody says. Seth’s mind swims as Cody wraps his arms around his waist. “You have the body for it.”

“Forward,” Seth jokes.

“You’re in my lap in my bathtub,” Cody retorts. “Not sure how much more forward I could be. Oh!” He pulls Seth back by the hips. “How’s that for forward?”

Seth’s mind sets off alarm bells. And he’s not sure what they’re saying. He feels Cody’s dick nudge up against his ass, and it takes a second before he realizes that it’s exactly what he wants right now.

“You, um,” Seth says, unsure of what he wants but sure it’s Cody’s hands on him, “you said something about a massage earlier?”

“I did,” Cody says. “Where at?”

Seth fights a smile. “Lower back, would be nice.”

He feels Cody’s hands slide from his hips to his back. “Here?” Cody murmurs in his ear.

Seth nods, dropping his head forward. “Gentle, though. Chairs fucking suck.”

“They do,” Cody says. His fingertips gently knead into Seth’s sore muscles, soft but intentional, like he’s done this dozens of times before. He probably has, Seth thinks. Hands this talented have to be used for good. And they’re really talented. Seth thinks he’s moaning more than strictly necessary for a simple massage, but it’s worth it.

“Scalp?” Seth slurs, tilting his head back as Cody’s hands travel up to the base of his skull.

“Want me to wash your hair?”

Seth nods, head lolling to the side with any guide from Cody’s hands. “Yeah. Yeah, please.”

“Do you need any special shampoo?”

Seth pauses. “Special shampoo?”

“For the blonde,” Cody explains. “I have my purple shampoo, if you want, but it’s in my bag.”

Seth shakes his head. “Normal shampoo. Don’t wanna move.”

“Comfy?” Cody asks, and his voice is addictive, almost a purr in Seth’s ear.

All Seth can do is nod.

The shampoo smells overly floral, like roses steeped in perfume, but Seth doesn’t mind. He barely notices. Cody’s fingers massage his scalp even better than his lower back, fingers in his hair and creating lather that somehow feels filthy as Cody drops his hands in the water to rinse it off. He rinses out the shampoo slowly, languidly, and it lights Seth’s body on fire.

“God,” Seth moans. “I could do this forever.”

“Yeah?” Cody says. “Don’t want anything else?”

Seth cackles. “I mean –” Cody tugs, gently, and Seth can’t stop himself before letting out what could quite possibly be a wail.

“If you’re this loud when it’s just my hands,” Cody says, directly into Seth’s ear, “I can’t wait to hear what it sounds like when you’re taking my dick.”

It is very likely a yelp, what comes out of Seth’s mouth. But it’s a good yelp. An intrigued yelp. A yelp that leads to an even more insistent boner.

“Yeah?” Cody murmurs. He presses a little harder and Seth fights back another, louder moan. “I love the sounds you make. Get loud, baby.”

Seth is not usually very good at following directions. But this is one he’s happy to follow. He babbles, moans, asks for more, and then suddenly Cody’s hands have moved around to rest on his stomach, low, and promising.

“You like my hands, yeah?” Cody murmurs. His hands slide between Seth’s legs, but they don’t go near Seth’s cock. Instead, Cody presses Seth’s legs open so his thighs spread across Cody’s legs. “There. Show me how pretty you are.”

Seth swallows. “I – yeah. How?”

“Any way you want,” Cody murmurs, and then there are lips on Seth’s neck, hot and branding. “I just wanna get in you, if you want.”

“Of course I do,” Seth scoffs. “Not everybody gets the champion on the night they won.”

“Not everybody gets you,” Cody says, and he sucks at Seth’s neck.

Seth whines. “Okay. I – okay. Soap outta my hair?”

“All rinsed out, baby.”

Seth shifts and his ass slides against Cody’s cock. “Oh, my god.”

Cody’s exhale tells Seth he’s not the only one on the edge. “No kidding.”

Seth shows off as he stands, making sure his ass is on display.

“A work of fucking art,” Cody says, reverently. “And I am going to destroy it.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, pretty boy,” Seth says, over his shoulder.

Cody’s grin is predatory, and Seth fights a shiver.

Seth reaches for the robe, but Cody’s on him before he can reach it. Seth is flattened against the door. There’s definitely some sort of retort in the back of his mind, something he wants to say in response, but Cody’s hands are on his ass, spreading his cheeks, and all words fail him.

“I was wondering when your attitude would come back,” Cody growls, and his thumbs knead into Seth’s ass. “This is more the guy who stabbed me with a kendo stick.”

“I think you’re the one doing the stabbing tonight, champ.”

Cody turns Seth around and shoves him against the door. He leans in and kisses Seth, deep and possessive and unyielding. There’s teeth involved, but even with all the aggression, Seth can tell he’s being careful of his back.

And suddenly, Seth knows. He knows why it hurt to hurt Roman for Cody. Because he was always aching for Roman to appreciate him, to know him, to care about him, even after anything. And he was willing to sacrifice that, forever, all to help Cody.

Seth turns his head to suck in air, drowning under the realization.

Cody pauses his hands. “Seth,” he says, voice soothing, “are you okay?”

“You care,” Seth says. “You care about me.”

“Of course I do,” Cody says, and it’s simple, like it’s obvious.

“I stabbed you with a kendo stick,” Seth says. “I did everything I could, recently, to hurt you.”

“And you did everything you could, even more recently, to protect me.” Cody reaches up and brushes wet hair from Seth’s face. “People change, Seth. You changed.”

“I changed,” Seth says, and he lets it wash over himself. “I changed.”

“You did,” Cody says. “You grew.”

Seth leans in again, kissing Cody softer this time. Cody knows. Cody knows he’s different now. Cody’s forgiven him.

He doesn’t have to beg Cody to accept his apology. He already has it. He doesn’t have to grovel, or hurt, or manipulate when all else fails.

“After everything,” Seth murmurs, lips pressed against Cody’s, “you want me.”

Cody smiles. “Of course I do.”

Seth feels a flame as Cody pulls him in, something cleansing and definitive. He feels the worst parts of himself, the parts that stick to him like grit and grim, burn away.

A phoenix comes to mind, but it doesn’t last as Cody’s hands smooth over him and guide him out of the bathroom. Seth leans into the feeling, to the offering up of control to someone who will do right by him.

“On the bed, baby, that’s it.”

Seth lowers himself down on the bed, smiling up at Cody without much awareness of why. It feels right.

“What do you want?” Cody asks, trailing fingertips up and down Seth’s thighs. He looks like a god, standing over Seth. He belongs in a painting, in a museum. “Talk to me, Seth.”

“Hmm?” Seth mumbles. “I – I want you.”

“I know that,” Cody says, hands sliding up higher. “I want specifics, though. I need to know what you’re looking for.”

Seth doesn’t mean to pointedly look down at Cody’s hard cock, but Cody’s chuckle tells him he does a bad job of masking it.

“Yeah?” Cody asks. “How do you want it?”

The image of Roman, the last time, looming over him, flipping him over, the memory of “So I don’t have to see that face,” said in a growl, strikes Seth.

“Like this,” Seth whispers. “I – I want you to fuck me when you can see me.”

“Good,” Cody says. “I want to see you, too.”

Seth feels tension fall away from him, like the last of Roman’s curse has been burned off of him by Cody’s touch. “Okay.”

Cody is incredibly gentle as he moves one of Seth’s legs. “I, um,” he says, and the blush is utterly charming. “I may have hoped for something like this.” He reaches into the slightly ajar bedside table and pulls out an impressively large bottle of lube. “Call it wishful thinking.”

“I think I will,” Seth says, back only slightly aching as Cody shifts back. He’s kneeling between Seth’s spread legs, looking at home there. Seth shivers, wanting to be closer. Knowing they will be closer. “You had no guarantee I’d come to your hotel suite, champ.”

“No,” Cody says, and he moves one of Seth’s legs over his shoulder. “I didn’t. But I had my hopes.” He looks at Seth. “Okay?”

Seth nods. He shuffles a little so he’s a bit more exposed, giving Cody better access. “I think this is the part where you get me all whiny with just your fingers.”

“Oh, you’re calling the shots now, huh?” Cody laughs. He pours a generous amount of lube on his fingers. “We’ll see how long that lasts.”

Seth doesn’t, like, whine or anything. No one could prove it.

“Tell me if anything hurts on your back or knee, okay?”

Seth nods. “I will.”

Eyes locked onto his, Cody slides his fingers between Seth’s cheeks and cautiously finds his hole. “Okay?” Cody murmurs, turning his head to press a kiss to Seth’s calf. Seth isn’t used to gentle. He hasn’t had gentle since – since his best friend had a different name, and since Roman was a different man.

He rolls his hips as Cody slowly coaxes his open, pressing for more until Cody presses in. Seth wants more, wants it fast, but Cody insists on taking his time, pumping in and out with concentrated motions that feel like riding a wave.

“More,” Seth pleads. “I want more.”

“I’ll give you more,” Cody promises. “But in a moment. I want to see you enjoy this.”

Seth whines. “I am enjoying it,” he says, huffy, “but I want more.”

“And you’ll get it,” Cody says, a little more firm this time. “But let yourself love this. Let yourself love the moment.”

So Seth does. He begs and pleads, holds on to Cody’s biceps, smiles through desperation and need. Cody laughs as Seth smiles, like it’s just as good for him to watch as it is for Seth to get it, and isn’t that something.

“Are you ready?” Cody asks, scissoring his fingers and brushing just the right spot for Seth to wail. “That sounds like a yes.”

“Yes,” Seth gasps. “Yes, now, I want you cock, Cody.” He lifts his head, ready to level him with his secret weapon. “Please, give me your cock, Champion.”

Cody groans. “You be careful with that one.”

“Don’t wanna be,” Seth says, and he meets Cody’s burning gaze. “Champ.”

Cody’s careful as he pulls his fingers out, at some point reaching three deep in Seth, and Seth feels tugged toward him as he tries to follow.

“Shh,” Cody says, adjusting himself. “I promise I’ll take care of you. I’m right here.”

And Seth believes him.

The first nudge of Cody’s cock against his rim sends Seth singing. He’s slow with it, focused, but doesn’t stop until he’s pushed flush against Seth’s ass. Seth’s mind is ringing with it. It’s happening. Cody’s inside of him, sharing his body, and he looks so blissed out as he bottoms out that Seth feels tears prick at the corners of his eyes.

“Are you okay?” Cody asks. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Seth says, and his voice sounds different, wrong, not his own. “I – it matters.”

“Of course it matters,” and Cody leans in to kiss him, shifting the angle. It’s glaring, how real it feels. Cody doesn’t even put on the belt or look at it, eyes on Seth’s face or body the whole time he slowly fucks into him. It’s been a long time since Seth has felt the romance in sex. Recently, it’s been a means to an end. Most of the time, to ensure a connection. Sometimes, to close a deal.

More than he’d like to admit, an apology.

This feels like a promise.

“Cody,” he whispers. “Kiss me?”

Without words, Cody obliges, and Seth tries to pour what he’s feeling through his lips. He tangle himself around Cody, and Cody takes his hands to link their fingers. Strong arms press him to the mattress, and Seth feels like he doesn’t need any control. He’s not out of control. He has put it into careful hands.

The world melts around them, blending into the moment and into Cody’s eyes. Cody is warm and real and present, lips creating magic with words and kisses.

And Seth wishes he had found this before.

“I –” He probably doesn’t need to ask to come. He probably could right now, and Cody wouldn’t mind. But it’s habit. “Cody, can I?”

“Can you what, baby?” Cody asks. His brow, furrowed in concentration, beads with sweat. Seth untangles his fingers to reach up and brush it off.

“Can I come?” he whispers.

Cody nods. “Anything you want,” he says, and it’s as much a demand as it is a promise. “Anything.”

Seth’s heart shifts, clenches, turns into molten lava, and he looks into Cody’s eyes as he wraps a hand around his cock and strokes.

“There you go,” Cody says. “All over me, baby. I want you all over me.”

Seth does as he’s told, because he wants to, because it will make Cody happy, because it feels good, and watches as he paints the two of them with his own come.

“Can – can I?” Cody asks. “Inside you, I mean?”

“Yeah,” Seth says, and he forgets the last time it wasn’t a given. “Please. I want you to.”

Cody laughs. “God, the idea of you asking – fuck.” It’s two more stuttering thrusts before Cody is buried into Seth, spilling into him. He hopes it stays forever. Cody drops his forehead to Seth’s. “What a night.”

“No shit,” Seth mumbles, but already he feels reality coming back, along with the feeling in his toes.

“How are you – doesn’t your leg hurt?” Cody asks, moving it back down to the bed as he shifts backward and pulls out.

Seth shrugs. “Crossfit Jesus, maybe, but I’m also pretty good at keeping flexible.”

“We’ll have to test that more,” Cody says, almost off hand.

“That mean this isn’t a one time thing?” Seth asks before he can stop himself.

Cody tilts his head, and Seth immediately thinks of a German shepherd. “I sure hope not.”

“Oh,” Seth says, and tension he hadn’t realized built releases. “Me too.”

They’re quiet as Cody falls beside him, and Seth’s heart does the twist thing again as Cody snuggles in and rests his head on his chest.

“A cuddler,” Seth says, interrupting himself with a yawn. “Should have seen that coming.”

“What?” Cody asks, shifting so he can throw big blue eyes at Seth in a sneak attack. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You big sappy crybaby,” Seth says, grinning. “All your emotions all out there, huh?”

“You were crying during sex,” Cody says.

“I – only during sex!” Seth says. “Never in the ring!” He decides not to mention his tears ringside. Hopefully nobody got video of it.

“Good to know.” Cody shifts so they’re eye to eye. “Are you staying here tonight?”

“Can I?”

Cody nods. “Of course. I got the big shower and tub, and all.”

“Planning on wooing me with good bathroom appliances?”

Cody chuckles. “Among other things.”

They shuffle their way to the shower, big enough for two. By the time they’re clean, they’re both yawning impossibly wide and wrapped up in the cozy robes.

“Bet you’re little spoon, too,” Seth says, curling into the big bed.

“Yup,” Cody mumbles. “Get over here.”

Seth wraps his arms around Cody’s waist and Cody pulls him in tighter, snuggling back against him.

“Goodnight, Champ,” he whispers into Cody’s hair.

Cody squeezes his hand. “Goodnight, Seth.”

Seth sleeps.

~

Mini Playlist: Rerun - Honey Revenge Smoke - PVRIS Take My Pain Away - Anarbor Look After You - The Fray

[seleneprince]

Not me coming back from Tcoaal and realizing the potential parallels between the main characters and the akashi siblings (-takeomi).

TW: Dark themes ahead, including manipulation, gaslighting, dubious consent, incestuous behaviour, sexual innuendos and overall pure toxic energy. Beware.

Both of them being raised by a neglectful and bordeline abusive caretaker (takeomi didn't give a fuck about haruchiyo's wellbeing and he even saw senju as a way to gain more power for himself). Haruchiyo being forced to take care of Senju and act like her pseudo-parent most of the time when takeomi can't be bothered to do so. Both growing closer and very dependent of each other because they have no one else to turn to and takeomi prefers to let haruchiyo handle it. Senju seems to be the favourite, but Takeomi can't stand tears and has little to no patience, so he passes her off to Haruchiyo whenever she gets difficult. It's only when she's "behaving" that Takeomi pays attention to her.

It was Haruchiyo who kissed her scrapped knees and cuts when she hurt herself to "take the pain away". It was up to him to read her bedtime stories when she couldn't sleep, to wipe her nose when it was runny, to stay by her side when she was sick. Takeomi went out of his way to make young Haruchiyo raise Senju so he didn't have to himself. And while he loves his sister more than anything, he also resents her, because he's being forced to sacrifice his childhood for her. There are times, when he's alone with his thoughts, that he wishes she didn't exist. This causes him nightmares.

Imagine them having to share a room because they struggle with money (their parents are clearly nowhere in the picture), so takeomi makes them sleep in the same room for years to save space. Senju sneaking into Haru's bed when she's scared and he always lets her, with complaints and sighs, but they always end up asleep in each other's arms. It becomes their routine, specially when they know Takeomi wouldn't ever listen to their fears or worries, let alone try to reassure them.

"It's okay, Senju. We have each other. That's all we need", he's caressing her hair and she believes him.

Imagine them after the "plane incident", when Haru's mental state begins to deteriorate. As expected, Takeomi doesn't try to comfort him, inmediately blaming him once again, and Senju feels so terribly guilty she cries about it. She eventually confesses Haruchiyo the truth and his resentment grows out of the surface. Their once sweet bond slowly grows into something twisted and toxic, because now he hates her but he still loves her too and can't bring himself to stay apart too long. Senju is very wary of him now but still seeks his presence. He tries to push her away, hurting her in places where Takeomi can't see, only to heal her himself later and comforting her like he's not the one who did it. She doesn't dare to speak up, mainly because she feels she deserves it. Haru encourages those thoughts.

"You see what you made me do, sister? This is your fault. Why do you piss me off?"

"I have these scars because of you. I'm gonna have them forever. You shoud make up for it, don't you think?"

"C'mon here, you crybaby, I'll patch you up. I didn't mean to go that far, okay? Here, let me fix it"

When he's not being a jerk, he becomes that caring and loving older brother Senju knows and craves. Those short moments of peace and safety with him are the reason she doesn't cut off ties completely. She's holding unto the hope that her brother will change.

As time passes, he becomes more and more possessive. He isolates Senju to make sure she only has him to rely on, terrorizing her friends (specially the boys) and anyone that shows interest in her. In return, she's also possessive with him and hates when he hangs out with others because it feels like he's "abandoning her". She throws tantrums and is willing to fight back if it means getting him to pay attention to her. He relents most of the time, because he loves seeing her desperate for him and it reassures him that she'll never leave him. He still has outbursts of jealousy, tho.

"What the fuck were you doing talking to him? You really believed he'll love you, that he'll take you out on dates and that bullshit? Don't make me laugh, only I can love someone as wrecked as you"

"Nobody is gonna treat you better than me. Nobody is gonna know you like I do, ever. You don't need anyone else but me. Why would you want other boys when I'm right here?"

It's not hard for Haru to convince her that it's normal for siblings to cuddle and even shower together. She doesn't know anything else, she has no one to tell her it's wrong. When puberty hits him and he starts to experience certain needs, there's only one female he's close enough to imagine having that sort of intimacy with. In his mind, it makes perfect sense. Senju is the only girl in his life, he knows he can touch her without problem, and besides, she fucking owes him that. After everything he's put up with for her, all the sacrifices he did and the mistreatment he endured from Takeomi, it's only fair that Senju lets him have this, right? He believes he's entitled to her in every form and sense.

Senju doesn't think much when he sneaks his hands under her shirt to feel her up, or when he watches her get dressed in creepy silence, or when he makes her sit on his lap. After all, this is what siblings do all the time right? Haruchiyo is just being affectionate in his own way. She's only taken aback when he kisses her for the first time, but she quickly relaxes because "this is what siblings do. We're just practicing, dear sister". Besides, Haru is practically the only male she has contact with (Takeomi is mostly absent and Haru makes sure she doesn't talk to other boys), so when she reaches puberty, she begins to feel sexually attracted to him. Something he notices and enjoys greatly.

"C'mon, aren't you going to let your big bro' touch you? If I don't show you how it's done, how else are you gonna learn? Big brothers do this all the time, y'know? Who better to teach you these things than me?"

"What? You're feeling shy now? I used to change your diapers and bath you for years. I know every part of your body like it's my own. Now get closer, I wanna see you"

"You should be glad to have such a good brother to help you with this. I'm doing this out of my affection for you. Yeah? You like how I'm touching you? Let me hear you then."

Their feelings for each other are messy, twisted and so complex that not even they can fully untangle them. They love each other, that much they know. Haru wants to kill her often, they know it too. Senju wishes he didn't exist, they know that too. But in the end, they also know they need each other more than anything. Not like the air they breathe, more like the smoke of the cigarettes. It's slowly killing them from the inside, but they're addicted to it. They can't exist in a world without the other.

Eventually, his undying devotion for Mikey wins and he runs away, leaving Senju behind. She never forgives him. He never forgets her. Somehow he still manages to be present in her life, if only from afar, but his control has weakened and now Senju is finally free to make friends. To have her own life separated from him. And the more she sees the world without his influence, the more she realizes just how fucked up and how wrong everything he did was. He talks to other people and finds out that kind of behaviour it's, in fact, not normal in siblings. That it's actually considered unnatural and forbidden and so incredibly disgusting. She feels asshamed and embarrassed for it, her perception of Haruchiyo finally changes to realize how he manipulated her all this time. Senju decides it's for the best to cut off contact with him, trying desesperately to bury their sins.

But at this point, he's not letting her go. Ever. It doesn't matter how hard she tries to push him away, he only pulls her back harder. Because despite all the shit that's gone down between them, he still knows her better than anyone and they still have no one else that understands them the way each other do.

And so that's how their relationship goes on through the years, with hatred and regret and love interwined. She's not allowed to move on, but neither does he. They're on opposite sides of the war, but they'll still hold unto each other like their lives depend of it (because they do) with their bloody mouths and bruised knuckles from the brutal fights. Because this wreck of a relationship is all that they have left, as twisted and painful as it is.

They'll pretend there's nothing to it, carrying on with their respective lives away from the other, but eventually, there's always a moment when their hearts beat their brains and they fall into that sick, forbidden dance once again, forgetting about the world and their responsabilities and the tragic childhood they share.

"I told you, didn't I, little sis? Nobody will understand you like I do"

"You're mine to break and care for"

[romviie]

me and like the whole crowd there tonight abt to jump over the barrier / through the tv if jey doesn't win..

[strangebossyuri]

I learned how to draw men just so I could draw mpreg

[furby-with-a-gun]

new au dropped

[dropout-ninja]

Have the thing I made for Halloween last year

[chrisitsraining]

do you guys ever think about what wouldve happened if jill realized rachel wasnt actually dead yet when she first came across her in the bilge? i think about that sometimes

[crepus]

By the way I had a test today that I literally HAD to pass if I wanted to take the final but I did not study, I was writing dumb dumb barty/regulus/Evan first friendship adventure.

I still got a 8/10 but I WON'T LEARN??? Wednesday I have another one of this and I'm just listening for cool songs to put in the title like GIRL???? GET A GRIP????

[foxishere10]

error feet

error feet

[sharpasanaro]

~~~vent w/cursing~~~

it’s crazy because my mom was an older sister and now that’s my job, and she seems to have forgotten all of the shit that we go through unless it’s convenient to her making a point or it’s a silly story. I try to not initiate conflict, and I try to deflect it as often as possible, but as soon as I tire of deflection and engage instead, suddenly this is all my fault. my brother THREW my WALLET at my HEAD, which at that time was also in the general direction of the china cabinet. god forbid I tell him he’s a moron for throwing something at someone’s head and in the direction of fragile shit, but if it had hit the china cabinet it would have been his fault for throwing and mine for not catching with my face. then when I don’t follow her downstairs to help with laundry (she didn’t ask for help, just tromped downstairs) because I figured we all need to cool off, it’s my fault when ten minutes later I have socks that need laundered and she already started the laundry load. pretty fucking sure I had a panic attack after :)

but also neither my brother or I can show stress, if we whine or raise our voices just a little it’s bad, if we are having fun but it’s loud we have to shut up, if we are coexisting in the same space silently reading or watching tv, my mother sitting on her ass watching videos on Facebook at full fucking volume will tell us to go clean our rooms or some shit. it’s so funny to me that she basically tells us to fuck off when I have stories of her doing worse as a kid who grew up on a farm in bfe.

my brother has only started to realize how shitty she treats us, and I feel bad graduating and leaving him to her bullshit. I wish she would treat us better, but I don’t think we’re going to get the “adult treatment” until we move out of the house

it's actually really weird to me that a lot of adults don't seem to remember the worst bits of being a child. were you not horribly aware of when adults were talking down to you as a child? don't you remember how little autonomy you were allowed, even when it came to things that seemed pretty harmless? don't you remember the times when adults would seemingly be assholes to you for no reason? even if you had nice and reasonable parents, didn't you ever have teachers or other adults in power who treated you disrespectfully? didn't it sting no matter how people justified it?

especially when I was a teenager, it seemed obvious to me & to most of my peers when an adult wasn't treating us with respect. you could almost smell it, in certain classrooms. there would be this palpable, shifting undercurrent of teenage dissatisfaction whenever some teachers started talking. and it made a lot of the kids act out! which of course made the teachers try to exert their power, which never worked because nobody respected them, which made them get more draconian, etc.

as a teen, I didn't really get why my peers and I seemingly had a superhuman sense for when an adult was on a power trip. but now I think I get it. kids are systematically denied autonomy, respect, and consistently have the validity of their experiences denied. like, flat-out. they're a vulnerable class of people made even more vulnerable by their lack of societal rights. being disrespected as a kid is so frequent that I would say it's a defining experience for most children. is it any wonder they tend to pick up on when an adult doesn't see them as worth listening to?

so yeah, of course a ton of kids want to be treated "like an adult." to them, that's synonymous with being treated like a human being worth listening to. it's up to you, as an adult, to understand that wish for what it is, and behave accordingly. you don't gotta be a child psychologist. you don't gotta be perfect at it. all you have to do is remember how painful adult disrespect could be when you were a kid & do your best to act with some compassion.

[saltywinteradult]

[septemberkisses]

the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.

[podcastwizard]

cashier: ok that'll be $20

me (visibly sweating): ah, yes, of course! a perfectly reasonable price for a grilled cheese and a small smoothie! that was exactly the price i expected you to say when i ordered a single grilled cheese and a smoothie and my vision is NOT getting blurry as we speak! i am a perfectly normal temperature and my speech patterns are natural and even because this is the countenance of an individual who expected to pay 20 american dollars for a single grilled cheese and a smoothie!

cashier: where's all that blood coming from

[antennatoheaven]