#THIS IS RIGHT AFTER GAWAIN KISSES HIM OK

[shehungthemoon]

Y’all the Gawain x Lancelot goes hard in the literature

“You must never doubt me when I assure you that Gawain would not have wanted to be chosen king, there and then, if it meant losing Lancelot.”

WHAT!!?

[vaquinhadecogumelinhos]

Can we talk about how Lancelot's marks glow when he is near fire in the first episode?

So, i was rewatching Cursed on the netflix for the god know how many time, and i just tought like: "Oh i should try to pay a bit more of attention to the details this time, after all i'm writing a fanfic, this would help me a lot in the criative process." But then my eyes catch in the very first scene of the Weeping monk and i just notice his tear marks glow bright red when he is in the woods burning, killing the moon wings.

My mind absolutely stoped when i saw that. Cause what do you mean Lancelot's, marks glow and i never noticed that? What kind of incredibly effective and devilish wicked spell is that? Or perhaps that was just my ADHD working again... Anyways, i am just absolutely obsessed whit this.

OK, SO WHAT IF LANCELOT'S MARKS COULD GLOW WHIT MORE THAN JUST FIRE?

Any incredibly unlucky person who has the pleasure of knowing me know that i am absolutely hiperfocused in the Arthurian legends, but i still don't know how to deepens this hiperfixation since i didn't born in one of those countries where the Arthurian legends are part of their folklore. But one specific thing about Lancelot got in my mind, that is the fact that he cries a lot, but also doesn't know how to express himself properly, and then i just got this idea when i saw the marks glowing: "What if i could make this glowing marks thing a way of him expressing emotions since he is bad whit words and facial expressions?"

And that's exactly what am i going to do.

From now on, i have this headcanon that Lancelot's marks glow when he feels too strong emotions or feelings. For example: If he is too embarassed, along whit his blushing cheeks, his marks will glow slight pink too. And if he is too sad, his marks will glow in deep wine-color.

But what if i could go even further?

Hear me out in this one. The idea of Lancelots marks glow whit strong feeling and emotions is cool, right? But what if it went further?

I don't know how to explain, (actually i do but that's just cause i like how it sounds) but how about the idea of the Ashfolk having inner marks?

This might sound like a crazy idea or one of those you just have at 03:06 AM while is surviving on only coffee and refuses to sleep. BUT IT SOUNDS SO COOL IN MY MIND. Like, they have tear marks that possibly glow in the fire, but what if they also had inner marks in their lungs and heart that also can glow whit overwhelming feelings?

And that could also give and opening for a possible fire power, cause if they marks glow inside their bodys and react to the fire, who said they cannot actually procreate fire, more especificly fey fire?

I am probably going to be more obcene than i expected but, can you only imagine if Lancelot were having sex whit someone (i'd say Gawain but if you're a Nimulot shipper that fits too) and he is just so overwhelmed whit the pleasure and wonderful new sensations that his heart and lungs glow in pleasure while he archs his back and moan like a fucking wh0re gripping the bed sheets as if for his dear life? well i can, and it's absolutely marving.

And finally, conclusion.

My point is, i didn't notice it the first time i watched, but this is just a too good oportunity for head canons and roamtic fanfics promps to just let it pass.

My head canon is made, and is not just about him but the hole ashfolk. They have marks inside their bodies, in the lugs and heart, and the obvious ones in the face. And the marks glow whit strong or overwhelming feelings/emotions, or when they are near/surrounded by fire.

And just for the sake of it, the last part on the "What if i could go even further" topic was just cause i saw a reblogged post by @lancedoncrimsonwings of a suggestion of a fic called "Came a lot" of the weeping monk by @baezen, and i just tought it whoul fit in very well.

Hunted kisses for you❤️

[fantasyinallforms]

kindly, can I please have a #12 for a little Merlin/Arthur smoochy moment *puppy eyes*

OK, well, this was a real exercise of my abilities. I adore Merlin. I watched it as it came out and watched the ending in real-time. It's one of those shows I always go back to and watch episodes of just to have on. That said while I ship Merlin and Arthur I have never written Merthur before.

You chose a kiss in grief, so I present to you my first ever toe dip into writing this ship. I do really hope you like it. ~~~~~

Merlin knocked on the king's chambers and listened carefully for a reply. He heard nothing, just as he had heard nothing at lunch nor this morning for breakfast. Arthur was not doing well. It has been one blow after another. First, his father, then Morgana, then Agravaine. It has taken its toll. How could it not? He balanced the bowl of soup and plate of chicken on one arm and opened the door.

“Sire? I have dinner.”

“I’m not hungry. You can take it back to the kitchens.” Arthur was sitting at his desk, a stack of untouched papers in front of him and large dark bags under his eyes. 

“You haven't eaten anything since dinner yesterday. If this is your version of weight loss, it really doesn't suit you.”     

“I don't have time for this, Merlin, really. Go.” Arthur had not bothered to look up at him once since he walked in. 

“Please, Arthur, I’m sure if you just have a bite you-”

“Merlin, I said, go!” Arthur stuck his hand out to point at the door without realizing how close he actually was. The bowl of soup tipped out of his hand, and when he instinctively tried to catch it, he scalded himself on the thick broth. He had anticipated Arthur taking a while to eat, so he asked the kitchen to make it extra hot so it could sit longer. Now that seemed like a very poor decision. He took in a sharp breath through his teeth and cradled his hands close to his chest. He looked up at Arthur. He was half out of his chair; one hand braced against the table, the other outstretched to him. His face did not seem to fit the situation at all. It was wide with grief, sorrow, and even fear. “Are you alright? I-I’m sorry -” 

“I’m fine sire. Let me just get this cleaned up.” He knelt to take care of the bowl and tried to ignore the growing pain, but Arthur's hand stopped him. 

“Stop. You’re not alright. That soup was near boiling.” He grabbed the napkin Merlin had brought with the food and wiped down his wrist and hands. Small blisters were already forming. “Go have Gaius tend to this.” He opened his mouth to protest. “And stop arguing. It’s no longer a request.” He stood on the other side of the door, confused and a little dejected. He did as his king commanded and returned to his home. Gaius greeted him, but when he saw his face, he nodded and motioned for him to sit down. Merlin explained what happened and let him cover his hands in aloe and wrap them. 

“You can't force this, Merlin. Grief and betrayal are heavy burdens on someone already carrying so much.” Gaius had him test his fingers before putting away his things. 

“I know! If anyone knows, I know! I want to help him! I-I want to be there for him! There was something between us before all of this, and now it seems like it’s all just vanished.” He ran his bandaged hands through his hair. There had been something before. He would never forget the taste of the king's lips on his. How his hands moved to the back of his head, holding him in place. How he made him promise not to get, himself killed when the castle had been attacked. He sat in bed that night wide awake. There was just something not right about Arthur's behavior lately that shook him. There was something he was blind to simmering right under the surface. 

He drifted off to sleep, and hours before the sun was up, there was banging on Gaius’s door. The door wasn't even open all the way before Gawain barged in. 

“Where’s Merlin? Merlin!” He had spotted him stepping out of his room. “Arthur. He’s refusing to see anyone, and he’s talking nonsense. You need to go see him. Calm him if you can.” 

“Nonsense? Nonsense how? Where is he?” He didn't even bother to grab his jacket before he fled out the door, leaving Gawain behind him. He found him in the council room, pacing the floor with a wild look on his face.

“Arthur?” he looked up sharply when he realized someone was in the room. “ Leave. I have no need for you.” 

“I’d beg to differ as you’re standing here in your night clothes, pacing like a madman.” He was determined not to let the comment of having no need for him sting him too harshly. It did, anyway. 

“You don't understand Merlin. I can't sleep, I can't eat, not until I figure out who’s next!” 

“You’re not making any sense! What’s next?”  

“NEXT TO BETRAY ME!” The bravado seemed to vanish from Arthur all at once as he braced himself against the table and hung his head. “I’ve lost my father, my sister, my uncle. Will it be one of my knights next, or worse, will they take everything dear I have left. Will they steal you away from me too?” Merlin’s eyes went wide at the confession. Arthur refused to meet his eyes. 

“You must know by now I would never betray you!” The words were true and false at the same time. He would never turn against Arthur, but the sheer knowledge of who and what he was would sting all the same.  

“Why not! I’ve dragged you through more perils than anyone! I’ve gotten you kidnapped, stabbed, poisoned. Your very position as my servant demands you put your life on the line for me, and I let you! Despite how much I-” He cut himself off and threw his fists into the table. “And last night, you were just trying to help, and I let my temper get the better of me. Now you’re hurt yet again, and it’s my doing.” Arthur crossed the room and gingerly lifted his arm to see the bandages. Those soft blue eyes held a storm of guilt and fear when their eyes met. Feelings that, as a man who had been crown-prince all his life, had learned to suppress. Arthur gently let his hand fall and caressed the side of his face. “Please tell me you won't betray me. Lie to me if you must, but I need to hear it.” 

“I’m loyal to you, Arthur, and everything I will ever do will be for you.” He couldn't bring himself to speak the lie even if a lie it truly wasn't. His answer seemed to be what Arthur was looking for. The hand moved from his arm to the back of his head as his other held him steady. Arthur’s lips were warm and kind before they turned desperate. It was like he needed to feel the life in Merlin to convince himself this was real. He let him take whatever he needed from him, happy to be in his arms. 

When Arthur released him, he was less manic but looked more exhausted. He nearly collapsed in a chair but didn't seem content to let Merlin out of arms reach just yet. He ran his hand down the length of his arm and brought the bandaged hand to his lips. 

“You must be stupid, Merlin, to keep running back to someone who keeps doing this to you. Someone who can't even kiss you in public.” There was humor in the self-deprecating joke, and he decided to take it for what it was. A step in the right direction.  

“Maybe one day you’ll change that.” 

And maybe one day you’ll forgive me for my betrayal.   

_________

Fun kissing prompt game to be found here!

[sertonim-seratonin]

THE GREEN KNIGHT!!! (ely)

Rating: 4.5/5

Loved this movie so fucking much. Loved the awkward pacing and beats that remind me of the pacing of actual legends/myths/epics. Loved the “dream/myth logic.” I think a lot of movies that put old stories onto the screen try to make them more realistic, more like “what really happened” or “the true telling” but this movie felt like the way you would imagine it if someone were just telling it to you around a fire. Also you would thing that Dev Patel playing a tenth/eleventh century knight in England would be a weird vibe but it really was not.

OK random notes now

- lots of amazing symbolism

-i noticed some possible The Fool symbolism with the fox... kind of makes sense, Gawain is definitely on a Fool’s Journey... 

-5 virtues of a knight s and how he failed every test 

-- friendship (was mean to the fox), generosity (only gave one coin to the creepy dude), chastity (was horny for the guy’s wife), piety (was having sex on xmas instead of being at mass)... he didn’t fail “courtesy” which was getting that girl’s head out of the water but he ALMOST did bc he was like WHAT WILL YOU GIVE ME IN RETURN. lol foolish man

-in the real story apparently he does NOT have sex with the wife and tells her no every time! he does kiss her though and then he has to kiss her husband. also the husband turns out to be the green knight and it was all Morgan le Fay’s plan (the witch) to test Sir Arthur’s knights... which I’ve read interpretations about this movie that say that it was all his mom’s plan (the witch) to help her son become a good knight because at the beginning he is really useless

-mom and wife lady both give him a sash... i think the sash is like umbilical cord mommy protection and he has to let that shit go. like if you keep the green sash around you forever you won’t grow up and you’ll just be an asshole and your life will suck. you have to accept the consequences to your actions...

-GREEN lots of interpretations... wife lady was saying it is sickness and what is left over after lust... but also it is green, fresh life, it is a lush forest. 

- the portrait the wife lady makes for him turns green in his vision... he has become rotten, decayed, etc bc he didnt take off his green little sash instead of facing his choices 

-theme of cycles in the movie aka the puppet show and the shot of him in the forest/dead in the forest... cycles and alternate realities 

-great amazing movie loved it. makes me want to do a fairy tale movie 

-from reddit: the sash is like a deus ex machina but ultimately it is the wrong choice... the world will always provide you with an easy way out to not do the right thing, but it is never as rewarding. also you taking the easy way out can become a habit and you just keep doing it over and over until BAM you’ve lost your kingdom and u steal ur GF’s baby and your portrait turns green 

[divagonzo]

Passing Grade

Ao3 // FF.net

A/N: In honor of Ron Weasley’s 40th Birthday (I hope Hermione has worn you out completely!) here’s a little something hashed out for his birthday. Rated 15/PG-13/T+ for plenty of innuendo and double entendres and citrus basket stuff that isn’t explicitly stated. Caveat Emptor for my lovely Aces who follow me. Circa 1 March 1999. (And I’ll eventually post on Ao3 and FF.net and relink them in.)

give me my demarcation line damn it

I’m gonna ask her,” Ron whispered from his side of the enormous tree root that he was hiding behind.

“Ron, not now,” Harry hissed.

“Why not now? Not like we’re going anywhere the next ten minutes I reckon.”

“You git, I mean not now as in we’re still in training and Hermione’s off at Hogwarts for another 2 terms. Besides, have you asked her about it?”

“We’ve talked,” Ron peeked over the edge of the tree stump and dropped back down, dodging a red spell that flew over his head. “And she knows I want to ask her.”

“And you’re still in training. We both are. Not like I don’t want to ask – “

“Yeah, I know who you want to ask and I don’t want to think about your pasty arse again after what I saw at Christmas,” Ron cheeked.

“Fair point,” Harry looked up over the edge of the stump and ducked back down, dodging a purple spell flying over his head. “These arseholes are annoying the fuck out of me,” He growled.

“You’re the one with the cloak. Why haven’t you used it yet to get closer?”

“And get blown to shreds? No thank you. Your sister would have my – “

“And Hermione’d have mine,” Ron sighed. “Not like they aren’t hers already.”

“You’re really arse over tits for her, aren’t you?”

“Course I am. I’ve been that way for yonks. You know that.”

“Yeah, I do. But we’re both still – “

“Only on a calendar, mate. Everything we’ve been through? My back says that I’m already 50 some mornings.”

“Well, the way you wear it out every morning I’m not surprised,” Harry muttered under his breath. “But neither of us is going to go anywhere if we’re still pinned down here while those bastards are blasting away at us.”

“I’m only here because you’ve not tossed your cloak over your head and taken a header at them. When you do, I’ll draw their fire and you can stun 'em.”

“No can do. Last time I told Hermione you got hurt on a mission she nearly took my head off. I don’t want a repeat of that happening ever again.”

“And you think it’s not as bad as telling my sister you got hurt again? I thought she was going to shove her wand up – “

“She told me,” Harry felt the chagrin rush over his face.

“And blast me to Warwickshire. I don’t think my ears will ever be the same.”

“I thought that was ‘cause of Hermione,” Harry smirked and Ron gave him a rude gesture in reply.

“It’s not like you hear anything now, not after we went over every single square inch of our room and put Auror grade spells on it. We could have the Weird Sisters performing in our room and no one would be the wiser for it.”

“Good thing too since that keeps the nightmares down,” Harry gave Ron a side-eye and saw his best mate giving him a rather shirty look. “Look, it’s not like you’re not shagging my sister either, ya git.”

“Well, I am, and we’re glad you’re so accepting,” Harry dodged the handful of leaves Ron threw at him.

“Prat,” Ron growled.

“Ponce,” Harry retorted. “On three, we’re going. I’m sick of freezing my bollocks off here in Lake Country in February.”

“You think I’m enjoying it?” Harry threw the cloak over his head and froze. “Better idea. You hide under it and I’ll draw your fire.”

“Rubbish. It’s too short for me. They’ll see me from my knees on down.”

“You’re a wizard. Get invisible.”

“And you?”

“Cloak and wand time,” Harry watched Ron do the incantation silently, hiding under a cloak of magic.

“On three,” Ron whispered.

“On Three. One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

The rolled out from their hiding place behind the old oaken stump and ran pell-mell towards the farmhouse. They passed six people, lying prone on the ground, immobile.

A gold spell circled the area, highlighting both of them racing towards the house.

Red spells erupted from six places, missing them as they dashed inside.

“Hold your wands,” Robards's voice boomed over the meadow and the cottage.

One by one Aurors were disillusioning themselves and standing up. One by one they went to a trainee who was frozen on the cottage grounds and revered the stunner spell. Groans and groggy heads prevailed, not seeing Harry and Ron standing inside the cottage looking confused.

“Training?” They looked at one another.

“Yes, training. You thought this was a real mission?” A voice they didn’t expect whispered behind them. Both turned to see the dark features of Senior Auror Hemera Jones standing right behind them. They hadn’t heard her move in their vicinity. She had to be part cat with how quiet she was when she was on duty.

“Where the bloody fuck were you hiding? We could have used your help,” Ron said.

“I was hiding right at the front door. My task was to pick off those who made too many mistakes. The two of you didn’t so you were allowed to pass so you get full marks for this mission. Those gits,” She motioned to that half dozen additional trainees sitting in a semi-circle getting berated by Gawain Robards. “Those gits are probably not going to pass and will go into MLS. Each of them made a fundamental mistake and got themselves taken out.”

“So what now?” Harry asked.

“Now you two get to return to London and debrief. I’ll be joining you shortly with the rest. Oh and since you ponces made full marks,” Ron’s eyes went wide, “you get a 72-hour furlough from training.”

“72 hours. Wow.”

“Use them wisely, gentlemen. Come Monday night at 8 pm I expect to see both of you ready to work.”

“Sorted,” they said in unison.

“Oh and try not to upset Professor McGonagall when the two of you go to Hogwarts.”

“How do – “

“I’m not a fool, Weasley. Everyone in the department knows what is up with you and Granger. Same for you, Potter.” She gave both of them a half-smile. “Go rent a room in Hogsmeade, both of you. Ask Professor McGonagall for them to have a weekend. But I better not hear of you having news in three months from it. Understood?”

“Sorted,” the said in unison before apparating away.

“Sodding gits,” she muttered before heading out to the rest of the apprentices who were about to fail to get into the Aurors.

“Hermione?”

She opened her eyes and saw Ron smiling down on her. “Were you watching me sleep?”

“Yeah.  I couldn’t help it. You were snoring – “

“I don’t snore,” she said primly.

“Ok then breathing loudly while asleep. Anyway, you were breathing loudly,” she reached to pinch the closest nip and he ducked away, just out of her reach “and I kept thinking how incredibly lucky I am.”

“Oh, I dunno. I think I’m on the better end of this bargain.”

“Well, I am surprised you still have a voice after – “

“I do hope that no one heard us,” She interrupted.

“Nah, not here.” Ron glanced around at the one-room flat above the closed Zonko’s shop. Hermione found out from him earlier that George had purchased the building and would have it as a pop-up shop for the Hogsmeade weekends. “I made sure of it before you came around earlier.”

“Good,” She tucked her head up under his, relishing this contact that she’d desperately missed in the last few months. “I’m so glad you’re here. I missed you so much,” she whispered into his skin.

“And I bloody well missed you,” he lifted her chin to drop a languid kiss upon her lips. “And it’s just blind luck that we got this. I thought it was a real mission and instead it was training yet again.”

“And you seem to be doing quite well during it, the way you talk about it. I think you might have found your calling.”

“Nah, not really.”

“Well, I think so.”

“I don’t since I think my calling is loving you and the rest are just details.”

“I’m glad we got things sorted for good,” She said to herself. “I dunno what I’d have done not having you by my side now.”

Ron grinned. “Oh I dunno, probably leading a quiet life and still changing the world one moment at a time.”

“Nah. I’d have my head buried in a book somewhere, miserable, and waiting to find something to make me content.”

Ron reached under his pillow to pull a small box out. “Well since that it’s the case, and I already know,”

“Are you?”

“Consider it an ‘I’m going to ask you to marry me someday and it’s not today but it will happen’ ring.” He opened the box and showed the small sapphire ring inlaid on white gold. “I know it’s not much but – “

Hermione leaned in closer, brushing her nose against his. “It’s brilliant,” She looked at it closer, seeing that it was inscribed with runes on the inside. She grinned understanding what they said.  “Who did the engraving?”

“I did, actually,” he turned bright red. “I made sure it was correct by asking Fleur and she told me. Once I had it written down I used magic to engrave it. Anyone can engrave in gold but if it’s silver I’d get in trouble with the goblins since that’s their domain.”

“I can feel the magic wrapped around it,” She leaned up further so Ron could put it on her right hand. “And it fits perfectly,” she said in awe.

“I nicked one of your other dainty ones you keep but don’t wear and had it sized to fit it.”

She lifted her hand and looked at it in the candlelight. “I love it.”

“You do? I didn’t pick a rubbish gift this time?”

“No, you picked a brilliant gift. You get an O for this gift.” He leaned in for a kiss and they forgot about everything else except the two of them celebrating a future growing older together.

[altissiavibritannia]

Lovegame: First Date And A Surprise?!

A/N: I’m doing a fanfic this time due to not enough sleep from last night. I don’t own Code Geass and such. I just own Altissia Nyx Casablanca. 

It was a cloudy and gloomy day, Feburary 4th, 2017. Everything wasn’t cheerful, everyone felt nothing but boredom and gloom. Some even slept and didn’t feel like doing anything. The boy sighed as he stared out the window, just thinking. Thinking of what to do with his special someone. The Valentine’s Day Dance was coming up and yet he didn’t know if that special someone wanted to go or not.

Turning his head to look at his special someone. Her white and black hair drooped over her eyes as she slept at her desk. She flapped her black, turquoise, silver and royal purple wings. Trying to get the loose feathers and dust off of them. Students that showed up today ducked when she did this, yet they still don’t mind it. Once her wings folded some of the feathers got swept upwind and around the classroom.

They let her alone because they were also bored, tired, etc. Soon the bell rang, ending the day. The teacher had homework ready for them once it rang. Scoffing as he knew that he had it in the bag, even without studying. Most popular school boy, enemy of Britannia, and he chose her over everyone. He could still remember the first time they’ve met. Princess Altissia Nyx Casablanca falling from the sky with a shot wound in her left shoulder and wing.

Her emerald green and violet orbs filled with fright, yet ends up shocked that she landed on top of someone. Turned out to be love at first sight. Power of a King and Shapeshifter’s Disguise was just the perfect combination. Two Geass users, both with different contractors, the ultimate team. Now they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Shirley was rather upset about this, but in the end she started to support them.

 A exiled prince of Britannia and a fighting ex-Empress of the Arabian Nations trying to change the world for the better. Britannia promised her people that she’ll be their Empress again once she became of age. Well she’s become of age and yet they lied. He’ll do anything to help her have her rights and home back. He chuckled of how much of a birdbrain she can be at times, it was adorable. 

Walking over to his empress to hug her from behind. Her Q cup bust was definitely on the heavy side. Some people swear up and down that they’re fake for once they’re real breasts. Once he got no response from her, he then leaned forward to whisper in her ear. His breath felt hot and sticky against her mocha latte skin.

“Altissia school’s over...wanna go out on our first date?” he asked smoothly.

Eyes fluttered open at once, well eye due to her hair hiding her green orb. A smirk rode of her plump heart shaped lips. Her freckles were very visible as her face reddened. Grasping his hands from under her breasts, made him jump. Oh yeah that woke up his future wife. He had everything planned with her and only her. He didn’t mind having kids and the rest of his plans fall into ruin.

“Why of course Lui, where to?” she asked ever so sweetly.

“It’s a surprise Nightingale. Just come with me, but with your eyes closed ok?” Lelouch explained.

The sleepy girl nodded as she yawned before re-closing her eyes. Taking her hands into his as he helped her to her feet. Walking from the school, pass their secret hideout for the Black Knights and Falcon Spies. They end up inside of the Gawain. Lelouch knew that she couldn’t help out with controls, so he transferred everything into his control, so they don’t crash.

After miles of flying and constantly checking for enemies or spies following them. It was too dark and gloomy to fight, thank goodness. The Gawain landed silently on the sand, under the trees. Helping out his girlfriend to be on the ground safely. She didn’t know what was going on, she went back to sleep when they entered the Gawain, furrowing a brow as he put her down. Was she sick?

“Nightingale time to wake up, we’re here.” he said in a singsong tone.

No answer.

“Hey, Altissia are you ok?! Speak to me my Empress!” he shouted in alarm.

Placing his head onto her bosom to see if she was still alive. She was but with a little surprise. T-Thathump, t-thathump, t-thathump. What was he hearing? Was this her heartbeat or was it someone else’s? Even worse it was both. Laughter could be heard from Altissia. Grabbing one of his hands as she placed it onto his stomach. She surprised him more than he surprised her. She was pregnant with his child or children.

Blushing redder than the spot of Jupiter, putting it to shame as he yanked his hand away. Pacing back and forth as he had no idea what was happening. Altissia looked worried as she wanted him to be happy and not like a worried Suzkau. They had alone time for quite sometime now. They kissed for good luck and to stay in one peace during their battles against Britannia. They even slept together, since the academy had so many rooms to live in, so they shared his room. Yet alone this is their first date after all.

“How is this even possible?! I could’ve sworn that I used a condom! Unless somebody did this as a prank and yet didn’t know the aftermath afterward!” Lelouch panicked. 

“We’ll be fine as long as we do this together. I didn’t expect this either...I was aiming for the perfect time to tell you whenever we were alone. We did this for a good while, so why quit now? They are yours after all Lelouch.” she said.

That snapped his being in two! They?! So she’s pregnant with twins. How long was she even pregnant?! He started to pace back and forth again, thinking to himself. Calculating what went wrong. He didn’t expect this outcome on their very first date together. He wanted to have fun, yet was unsure if they would have fun even now that she’s preggers. Tears start to slide down his pale cheeks as he then glomped his girlfriend.

“In that case marry me! I don’t want to ever abandon you or our children. We can have as many as you’d like Nightingale!” Lelouch choked while crying with tears of joy.

“Thanks Lui, and of course I’ll say yes to your proposal. But it’s a bit too soon to even be engaged. Let’s just have fun for the rest of our first date then. Besides I believe you’ll make a great father.” Altissia chuckled as she rubs his back.

She couldn’t pet his head due to his face in her cleavage. Wrapping her wings around him, to keep him warm from the new cold blast of wind. So much for a fun date, they were spotted by Suzaku inside of the Lancelot. The Gawain was well hidden, so he couldn’t see it. He only spotted the two lovebirds. Once he landed, he held out the hand of the Lancelot. Hopping on as they didn’t want to be found out for being Zero and Maleficent. 

Once they were back in safety of the academy, Suzaku got out. Looking up as the lightning flashed before the thunder. They figured out why he was searching for them. They were to expect the worse during the night. Lelouch blushed again as he didn’t think that through. Suzaku chuckled too as he then joins them inside. He had noway to get back home due to how nasty the weather recently got within 10 seconds flat.

“So...how’d he take the news?” Suzaku asked.

“Quite swimmingly, you were right he freaked out and then turned into such a crybaby. I guess I owe ya 20k yen.” Altissia chuckled as she rubbed her stomach.

Lelouch was now dumbfounded, they knew this was going to happen?! “W-What?! You knew this all along and made a bet on my reaction?!” he shouted in disbelief.

“Well yeah, we planned it this morning. What else were we going to do on this very boring, gloomy, and now stormy day? Dude lighten up will ya? We wanted a bit of fun of our own.” Suzaku explained.

“Besides we can still play Twister~! Since our first date at the beach went downhill, at least we can play games and have fun Lui.” Altissia said in a singsong tone.

His spirits went back up as he then laughed. He’s been outsmarted by his own girlfriend for a change. She knew this would happen and wanted to see what he might think. He was going to be a father and nodded to himself. That was the perfect timing to tell him what was going on. He then joined them to play Twister. He guessed that some dates don’t end up the way one plans. He’s happy that Suzaku and Altissia are starting to get along. It was like the old times but not with Nunnally.

He was still upset that she was now the new Viceroy of Japan. Rolo joined in on the fun. They had to pretend their memories didn’t come back once more. It was tiring for sure. He wondered what the twins might look like once they were born, yet to his surprise he had lost a chess match while doing so. After playing a lot of games during their first date/slumber party. Everyone went to bed. Lelouch kissed Altissia and then her stomach before hopping in bed next to her. Today went all over the place and yet it felt nice for a change.  

[dewitty1]

Chapters: 7/7 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Characters: Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Astoria Greengrass, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, Ginny Weasley, Original Male Character(s), Oliver Wood, Gawain Robards, Original Female Character(s), Daphne Greengrass Additional Tags: Post-Hogwarts, HP: EWE, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Background Femslash, Past Harry Potter/Original Male Character(s), Recreational Drug Use, Alcohol, Clubbing, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Auror Harry Potter, University, Community: hd_erised, Getting Together, Draco Malfoy Being an Asshole Summary:

After Harry’s unfortunate encounter with his ex, Draco Malfoy makes him a proposition. Draco wants his parents to stop matchmaking him and Harry wants to make his ex jealous. All they need to do is simply pretend they’re in love. Problem is… Draco already is.

Excerpt:

The harpist has been replaced by a clarinet player, whose instrument conjures pale blue snowflakes with each note, which float around the room.

 Soon everything’s covered in the fake, glittering snow and the guests laugh as the flakes land on their hair and shoulders.

 Malfoy asks Harry to dance in the fake snowfall. Harry refuses. Malfoy sulks. They have more drinks.

 Harry watches Robards, red-cheeked from the elf-wine, talking animatedly about Quidditch to a witch, whose eyes are frantically looking for a way out of the conversation. 

Malfoy blows kisses to Mrs Nithercott’s nieces and Mrs Nithercott glares at him. It’s fun.

Until Narcissa sidles next to Harry the minute Malfoy is absorbed in a discussion about St Mungo’s funding with someone who Harry thinks may be in the Wizengamot.

‘Enjoying the evening?’ she asks Harry. Flakes shine through her bright hair.

‘I am,’ Harry replies, tensing instantly. Malfoy’s behaved like Harry meeting Narcissa would give away their deal, but it turns out that she doesn’t question Harry as to how Malfoy drinks his tea or about his childhood toys, but chats about his work and the Pu.Fo.P’s various projects. Harry relaxes and even laughs when she relates an amusing anecdote from one of the board meetings.

‘So,’ she says, smile sharp on her face, ‘I was wondering if you and Draco would like to have luncheon with us next weekend.’

Cheerfulness vanishes. Just the idea of stepping foot in the Manor covers Harry in cold sweat. That’s one line he won’t — can’t — cross for his pretend relationship. ‘Forgive me,’ he tells her, ‘but I’d rather not visit the place I was held a prisoner.’

‘I understand,’ she concedes after a pause. ‘Of course, that might be an impediment to your relationship with my son, not willing to visit the home he grew up in.’

Harry thinks he might have made a wrong step somewhere. He feels like he’s dancing on a landmine. ‘It’s early days,’ he says as diplomatically as he can. ‘If Draco and I become serious, then it’s something I’ll have to deal with.’

‘So this isn’t serious?’ she asks. ‘Simply a rebound fling for you, perhaps?’

Fuck. ‘No, I er… I’m very fond of Draco. Not a rebound, no. We’re very close. Really. Awfully in love, if I may be so bold. Head over heels. I er… make him tea in the mornings. One sugar and a splash of milk.’

Harry’s vaguely aware he’s fucked up. 

Narcissa Malfoy smiles as if Harry has confirmed something she suspected. ‘It was lovely talking to you.’

A second after she leaves, Malfoy arrives and interrogates him. He runs a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. ‘Fuck’s sake, Potter, how could you fail so spectacularly? She’ll know it’s a sham.’

‘And the matchmaking will start?’ Harry picks up a blue cheese canapé from a passing, floating tray and decides to stuff his face and stop worrying about the weird games Malfoys play.

‘I’m talking about the gossip pages. It’ll only take a comment from Mother to the right ear and our charade will end up in the Evening Prophet. “Rumour has it all isn’t what it seems with a famous new couple.” Is that what you want? A week before the game against your ex? A week before the gala of the year?’

Harry stiffens and abandons the canapé. If this is exposed, he won’t be able to face Will ever again and, unfortunately, with the number of injuries he sustains in his work, avoiding him forever isn’t feasible. ‘What can we do?’

‘It’s time for drastic measures.’ Malfoy pulls Harry out of the living room and into a corridor of thick carpets, green potted plants and snoring portraits. ‘Here is fine.’ He drags Harry in a shadowy corner.

‘For what?’

‘We’ll pretend we were caught in a sexual act. The papers will be more interested in printing this kind of gossip instead of whatever my mother decides to tell them.’

‘And so we have to … fake…?’

Malfoy blushes. ‘Is that OK? It only has to appear real, I wouldn’t ask you to—’ Looking at his feet, he says, ‘Actually, it’s a silly idea—’

‘Someone’s coming,’ Harry interrupts him and pushes him against the wall. Malfoy’s deep blush spreads to his neck. ‘Never had you for a prude,’ Harry says, his voice low.

‘I’m not a prude,’ Malfoy murmurs. ‘Hm, that was Mrs Glendows, blind as a bat. Not much help—’

Harry doesn’t move back. ‘Well, someone else will come along now. I think I can hear footsteps.’

They stay still, but no one comes. Harry breathes against Malfoy’s jaw. The desire that coils in the pit of his stomach doesn’t surprise him. Somewhere in the back of his mind he’s aware he’s craved this for some time now. He knows he can’t kiss Malfoy, though. It’s the one thing he’s not allowed to do. Hesitant, not sure if he’s overstepping his mark, he lifts his hand and traces Malfoy’s lips with his thumb. Malfoy gasps, his chest rising and falling, his eyes wide. He parts his mouth just a little.

Harry would like to slip his finger inside Malfoy’s mouth, but he realizes how inappropriate it is. He steps back, but then someone is truly coming and Malfoy cranes his neck and confirms. ‘Mr Witherbore. Biggest gossip in town.’ He sounds breathless.

‘How do we do this?’

Malfoy’s voice is low and raspy and yet he still manages to sneer at Harry. ‘How do people do this, Potter? Need instructions?’ He unbuttons three buttons of his shirt and unzips his trousers. Holy moly mother of Merlin. Harry forces himself to stare at Malfoy’s eyes, and not the line of golden hair disappearing under the waistband of his Calvins.

‘Make some noise,’ Malfoy advises.

Harry moans, a little too loudly, and Malfoy snorts. ‘Not like that. More… natural.’ He smirks, a little affectionately.

Harry retorts, ‘You do it then, if you’re so good.’

Malfoy wraps an arm around his waist. Nuzzling Harry’s neck, he lets out a soft moan, which makes Harry’s hair stand on end. 

Malfoy moves his hips slowly, keeping them an inch away from Harry’s, and gasps in his ear, just like the time Harry overheard him in the club toilets. He runs a hand in Harry’s hair and moans again.

Fuck. Harry’s getting hard. He’s got a fucking boner and Malfoy will taunt him forever if he catches wind of it. The footsteps are coming closer and Harry leans in and smells Malfoy’s neck, his enticing scent emanating from the smooth skin. A kiss on Malfoy’s neck has Malfoy gasp — this time for real, Harry thinks — he’s starting to confuse what is real and what isn’t. Lust sweeps through him at the sight of Malfoy’s lean hips grinding slowly, not quite touching Harry, and he slips a hand under Malfoy’s shirt, tracing his back. Back caressing is allowed, he reminds himself. Malfoy’s skin is hot and Harry shivers. He leaves a trail of kisses on Malfoy’s neck.

‘Harry,’ Malfoy murmurs.

Their clothes rustle as Harry presses closer, chest to chest, but he tries to angle his hips away, desperately hoping Malfoy won’t feel his hard-on. The footsteps have faltered and he knows he needs to give a good show, but all he can do is restrain himself from humping Malfoy for real. His nails leave marks on Malfoy’s back in an effort to rein in his hunger for more.

Malfoy gives Harry a look that has his heart fluttering. How can he fake such lust? ‘Harry,’ he breathes again, his face an inch away.

Fuck it. Fuck all of it. Dizzy with desire, unable to stop himself, Harry presses his pelvis against Malfoy’s thigh and grinds, the feeling of bliss making his knees weak. 

His fingers bruise Malfoy’s arms, his mouth sucks at his neck. Malfoy’s panting now, and Harry’s thrilled to feel him hard as well.

 He wants to touch his cock, he’s desperate, but Malfoy hadn’t mentioned cocks in their agreement and Harry’s sure it’s out of the question, but he wants it, he wants it so badly. 

He bites Malfoy’s neck in frustration and Malfoy gasps, loud and excited, a grin on his face, which turns soft and yearning. He cups Harry’s chin, his eyes flicking on Harry’s mouth.

Another cough. Insistent this time. Harry becomes aware that a figure is on the edge of his sight, just a couple of feet away from the corner they’re in. Reality rushes in. Harry draws back. Malfoy buttons himself up, his hands shaking, hair falling on his forehead, looking thoroughly debauched. ‘Mother,’ his voice rings out. ‘What on earth are you doing here?’

Harry surreptitiously adjusts his trousers to hide his erection. The fact that this was a performance hasn’t wilted it one bit. He’ll need to excuse himself for the nearest loo and take care of it.

‘Mr Witherbore saw fit to tell me that my only son has succumbed to his “animal urges” by the south staircase. Well. I must congratulate you, Draco. It was quite a show.’

‘It’s unfortunate that Mr Witherbore had to bear witness to my desire for my boyfriend. I do hope he won’t talk to any reporters. Now if you’ll excuse me.’

He disappears down the corridor, leaving Harry alone with Narcissa.

[magicjesuscup]

You trip. How do the KotRT react?

It’s kinda long, so it’s under the thing. No worries though; it’s SFW

Arthur/Saber Artoria

Their reflexes are almost as good as Lancelot's. They catch your arm before you fall. You thank them. Looking worried, they ask that you be more careful in the future.

At the next city/village, they buy some sort of healing ointment while casting a guilty look your way.

Later that night, they come to your room with the ointment and insist that you to take off your shirt. [If you're male and hesitate to answer, Arthur/Artoria may start trying to undress you. The same is true of Artoria towards a female master, but Arthur will refrain from removing a female master's clothing.] When you finally get around to asking what they're doing, they respond with, "I grabbed your arm rather roughly earlier while wearing my gauntlets. Surely I must've done some kind of damage." You agree to let them take a look. [Those with boobs may wrap their torsos with a blanket, but Arthur doesn't care so much about modesty as he does your consent. Also, Artoria gives 0 shits about boobs. She has her own set; they're not a big deal.] They frown when they see they had, in fact, left a bruise. They're very gentle as they apply the ointment to your arm. They apologize for hurting you, but you make them feel better by thanking them for looking out for you. [Optionally, you can tease them and say the injury will heal faster if they kiss it, but they will 100% believe you and do it. Be careful with this though, because if you do it once, they will insist on kissing ALL of your injuries to make them heal for the remainder of the grand order.]

Lancer Artoria

You never trip because she insists that you ride on her horse with her.

Bedivere

On your way down, you reach out for the first thing you could grab, which just so happens to be Bedivere. Caught off guard, he goes down with you with a small yelp. Bedivere winds up on top of you and is quite flustered. He also profusely apologizes because, "omg-I'm-wearing-600-pounds-of-armor-are-you-ok!?-I'm-so-sorry-I-wasn't-paying-more-attention!-I'm-such-an-idiot!"

His face gets even redder when he realizes he's still on top of you. He pushes himself off, apologizes again, and offers to help you up.

Once you're standing, he asks again if you're hurt. If you're fine, he'll walk in front of you to make sure the rest of the terrain is level/safe to walk on. If you're hurt, he'd feel very guilty and somehow talk the rest of the group into making camp right there so you could rest and heal.

Gawain

Gawain knows how to fall without getting hurt, so when you suddenly reach out to him, he wraps you in his arms, and makes sure he's on the bottom when you two hit the ground.

He knows you're ok, so he doesn't really bother to ask. If you get up right away you simply continue your journey, but if you don't, he looks up at you, his smile beaming like the sun, and says, "In order to continue our journey, you'll have to stand. If, however, you need to rest, you needn't move. As a knight in your service, my body is yours to use as you see fit. If you require me to act as a mattress, I shall gladly do so."

Lancelot

Falling around Lancelot is kinda uneventful. Because he has crazy reflexes, he catches you by the waist before you hit the ground every time. It sounds awesome, but this actually makes him anxious. He wants to be Best Knight™, so he thinks you're expecting him to catch you each time. And omg what happens if he doesn't!? THE PRESSURE'S TOO MUCH, MASTER! You have to reassure him that if you do end up falling one day, it'll be your fault, not his. That makes him feel a little better, and he calms down enough to breathe.

Merlin

Merlin knew you were going to fall, and didn't tell you just so he could get a chance to look up your skirt/get a nice view of your butt. You could figure that much out on your own by the goofy smile on his face when you look up at him. You ask, "...Did you also know that I'm going to tell your king about this?" He panics a bit at the mention of Arthur/Artoria and offers to help you up in exchange for your silence. Depending on how mean you want to be, you can either agree on the spot or storm away grumbling and let him try to make amends in various other ways at every opportunity he can find. You never say anything about the incident to Arthur/Artoria though.

Mordred

Mordred smiles and slowly claps. After a minute or two he asks, "So, are you getting up sometime today?"

If you're ok, you stand up and continue on your way. Mordred smirks at you most of the way. If you're hurt, he rolls his eyes and hoists you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes muttering, "What a pain." If you apologize, he responds with, "What are you saying sorry for? If I didn't want to carry you, I wouldn't have."

Tristan

Tristan doesn't realize you tripped until you were already on the ground. He looks at you (or rather turns his head in your general direction) and asks if you're ok. If you say yes and stand up, he removes a leaf that was stuck in your hair before both of you continue on your journey. If you say no, he pulls out his harp and plays a sad song. One of your other servants ends up helping you.

[waytooslowly]

Mermaid Gothic:  Gawain route

Anyway, thanks to Harroe and the QR discord, I started playing Mermaid Gothic. This is a Quinrose game which is vaguely based off of the Little Mermaid. 

So basically, the main character, Lydia, is a mermaid princess of an underwater kingdom, Miretis (no idea about the romanizations of the places) It is not so clear whether there are other merfolk (I’ve been informed that this is the current word for merpeople) kingdoms in the world. The merfolk live under the sea and avoid contact with humans. If a human ingests merperson blood, then they will become immortal. Giving blood to a human is against the rules, but when she was younger, Lydia gave her blood to a human boy and saved his life. For this reason, she is imprisoned for ten years. Two years before the start of the story, the sea around Miretis turned black (although there seems to be no other effect), and the prince of Armeriya, the human country near it, started to try to capture the merfolk, but has been unsuccessful. 

Lydia’s sister, Laura, is the only person to visit her in jail. Laura is also batshit insane and declares frequently that she wants to stuff Lydia and make jewelry out of her corpse if she dies, because of Lydia’s beauty. Er, ok. Laura eventually decides she’ll try to bust Lydia out of jail, but their mom, the queen, ends up trying it instead. However, they’re caught and the king tells Lydia that if she finds out why the sea turned black he’ll forgive her. Lydia does so by asking Loki, a magician who lives under the sea, about it and he gives her a newspaper article stating that Prince Basil is behind the change in the sea. Then the king goes back on his word and instead says that she has to assassinate Basil in a year. 

Lydia then goes to Loki and makes a deal to grow human legs. The two conditions are that a) she can’t tell the person she loves that she loves them, and b) that if she kisses Prince Basil she’ll turn into sea foam. Elias, Lydia’s stalker childhood friend, has followed her and also a deal to get legs too. 

So, besides Basil, Loki, and Elias, the other LIs are:  Gawain, Basil’s devoted guard, Galileo, the palace doctor, Yahiko, a pirate captain from Ran, an vaguely Japan-like country to the east, and Botan, who seems to be the first mate on the pirate boat (?). Also, there’s Dan, an information seller who looks like a young boy. 

So Lydia goes to the shore and takes the potion Loki gave her, meets the pirates, and then runs into Basil and his retainers. She makes up a story about how she is new in the area but knows nothing because her dad’s policy is that she be imprisoned in their house. Basil then shoots a warning shot at her because she might be a mermaid. But then he allows Lydia to live in the palace. 

I chose Gawain because he was one of the characters suggested (really this game kind of has you choose right after you barely meet the characters). Gawain is obsessed with his job as Basil’s guard, and really distrusts Lydia, who is indeed trying to assassinate Basil. Unfortunately, Lydia has zero assassination skills, and is a terrible spy. Granted, there is no reason to imagine that Lydia could successfully carry out an assassination, as she seem to have no fighting ability and no talents other than singing. But she’s also really bad at lying, always showing her emotions on her face. She also feels like her best shot is to insist on meeting with Basil, which only increases Gawain’s suspicions. 

So some parts of this route are a bit repetitive, since Lydia continues to do suspicious things, and Gawain insists on watching her, etc, they continue to argue and bicker, eventually they fall in love, although for awhile Lydia is oblivious to her feelings. In some of the bad endings, Basil lets Lydia stab him, which is pointless because he’s immortal. 

But anyway, we find out that Gawain is terminally ill with some lung condition and medicine can do nothing for him. Lydia is shocked, and after failing to assassinate Basil again (and being easily forgiven by him) she decides to stop trying to assassinate Basil and instead persuade him to stop hunting merfolk. 

At this point she’s more concerned with trying to convince Gawain to drink her blood, but Gawain refuses even after she reveals she’s a mermaid. (Also she tells Basil the truth about who she is and how she rescued him, and in return Basil agrees to stop hunting the mermaids, and Lydia’s father pardons her since Basil stopped the hunting; also the way the sea turned black doesn’t seem to be Basil’s doing... and its color seems to be magical in some way since those who are near death see it as blue). But then Elias decides to pretend to go nuts and try to kill Lydia, which makes Gawain agree to drink her blood so that he can protect her. So then they get married and presumably live happily ever after. 

I liked Gawain and enjoyed this route, although there were some parts that were pretty repetitive (yes, we get that Gawain does not trust Lydia, and then after that the belabored conflict that Gawain is terminally ill but doesn’t want to become immortal etc.) I also laughed when Gawain was first like “we must not sleep together until marriage..... no wait, changed my mind, let’s get it on.” Up to that point the route had been pretty chaste, as it took forever for them even to kiss, and I was like, hmm, is this really a 17+ game? heh. 

Anyway I’m going to try Galileo now. At this point the routes I’m really curious about are Basil and Loki’s, and those are the two that are locked until you complete X# of routes. 

[loyalbreed]

  BTW I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW LIBEAUS DESCONUS IS REALLY COOL??? IMO VERY UNDERATED STORY ABOUT A BOY WHO WAS BORN CAUSE GAWAIN FUCKED A FAIRY AND THEN THE FAIRY RAISED HIM AND IN HIS BLOOD HE  WAS A KNIGHT AND ONE DAY IN THE FAIRY FOREST SAW THIS DEAD KNIGHT WITH ARMOR AND KNEW WHEN HE SAW THE POOR GUY WAS LIKE “I NEED TO BE A KNIGHT.” WENT TO ARTHURS COURT WITH THE DEAD ARMOR ON TOLD ARTHUR HE WANTED OT BE A KNIGHT ARTHUR WAS LIEK FUCK SHIT HES HOT AND BEAUTIFUL HE HAS TO BE OF HIGH LINEAGE OF COURSE U CAN BE A KNIGHT!! JUST BECAUSE UR GOOD LOOKING- LIBEUS: GIVE ME A QUEST ARTHUR: OH YEAH HERE DO THIS I GUESS LIBEAUS: YAY!! PROCEEDS TO FUCKING DO SHIT AND FLOORS ENTIRE ARMIES ALONE HAS NO IDEA HES GAWAINS SON. GOES TO SOME FAIRY KINGDOM OR SOME SHIT SAVES THE FAIRIES. GETS OFFERED THIS HOT FAIRY GIRL. MARRIES HER. FORGETS THE ACTUAL OBJECTIVE HE WAS SUPPOSE TO DO--THIS LADY CALLS HIM OUT ON IT TELLS HIM HES A TRAITOR  LIBEAUS WANTING TO BE A GOOD KNIGHT IS LIKE OH SHIT! U RIGHT THO LEAVES THE FAIRIES AND PISSE STHEM ALL OFF PROCEEDS TO GO DO WHAT HE NEEDD TO AND FINDS THESE KNIGHTS OR W/E IS LIKE OK WTF KILLS THEM AND THEN well actually i think one ran away i forgot some of this is hazy but i love him So basically anyway the thing he was suppose to proect of find is this snake and it kisses him and turns into a woman and shes like ‘ whoa only gawains kiss can save me’ and hes like ‘oh wow ok neat im not gawai ntho’ ‘shit U ARE HIS SON???’ and then hes like ‘ye wow i guess i am’ And im pretty sure actually after that he gets fought over again cause arthur wanted him to marry someone else or something like that happened TLDR i love libeaus and hes just as daft and stupid as his father and wants to just do knight things and be a good boy  oh yeah and Lancelot killed him.

[merlinficreview]

The Student Prince: Chapters 11-15 Review!

The Student Prince by FayJay

Word Count: 145222

Chapter 11

This chapter opens with Merlin guiltily thinking about how obsessed he’s become with Arthur. “All of which was clearly not healthy, and was also, when you got right down to it, kind of unpleasantly creepy, and made Merlin feel guilty as hell – because in spite of all the prattishness, and in spite of Arthur's complete failure to notice that Merlin kept right on saving his ungrateful arse from various supernatural uglies – well, they were becoming friends.” At least Merlin recognizes he’s being a total creeper.

In order to try and get over Arthur, Merlin has decided to go to one of his GaySoc Club meetings and pick up a one night stand. This will surely end super well.

“And that's how he found himself standing outside The Victoria Cafe, chewing his bottom lip nervously and wondering whether he should have worn jeans instead of battered cargo pants.” Definitely should have worn jeans instead of a gross ripped up pair of cargo pants, Merlin. I’m glad he’s getting out though, and meeting with new people.

There’s some super awkward and inappropriate “wand” jokes from Cedric. Gross. This is how Cedric is described by the way: “…the latter was whippet-thin and had a ratty little goatee and a very disconcerting gleam in his eye,” and, “Merlin looked back at Cedric, who was wearing a remarkable lime-green shirt that gave him the impression of a cadaverous weasel wrapped in a very large leaf, and sighed.” Pretty gross sounding, right?

Cedric then realizes he recognizes Merlin from the Sophia Falling off the Ladder Fiasco and freaks out. “’Fair play, Merlin,’ said Catrina, looking impressed. ‘Didn't think you had it in you.’ ‘Oh my God, have you had it in you, you jammy bitch?’ demanded Cedric, his eyes bulging. ‘Spill! Tell us everything! What does he wear in bed? Where did you meet him? Does that yummy policeman protect him in the bedroom too?’”

YIKES. Cedric JUST met Merlin and he’s been super gross every time he opens his mouth. Get away from him, Merlin.

Merlin excuses himself to go get a drink and I don’t blame him. Honestly, I probably would have just left if someone was talking to me the way Cedric was talking to Merlin. While at the bar, Edwin corners Merlin and hits on him in a much less creepy, but still side-eye worthy, way and asks him about the Kraken. This is like all supernatural tv shows where everyone is all, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL NO ONE YOUR SECRET!!” but then like more people know the secret than people who don’t.

Merlin and Edwin go exploring some castle. It’s a pretty short scene and ends with Edwin kissing Merlin. Then Merlin is back at the dorm, drunkenly getting into his room.

Merlin knocks over a chair and wakes up Arthur. They have a really awkward conversation about Merlin going to his GaySoc meeting. Arthur asks Merlin if he hooked up with someone and Merlin gets super defensive about it. While, I don’t blame him because I’m sure he’s put up with quite a bit of homophobia, this is the passage: “’Did you cop off with somebody, then?’ Arthur asked, as if he just couldn't help himself. He was staring at Merlin's pink, spit-slick mouth and watching the motion of the toothbrush inside his cheek, and his breath was coming a little too fast. Merlin's eyes narrowed, and he spat out the toothpaste and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand,” also: “Arthur swallowed. ‘Why would I have a problem with that?’ he asked, his voice sounding hoarse. ‘It's no skin off my nose.’ He looked away, his cheeks flushing a vivid, blotchy red in the lamplight, and lay back down.” That’s clearly not Arthur being offended but rather Arthur trying to restrain himself from getting into Merlin’s pants.

Arthur tells Merlin he was just trying to take an interest in Merlin’s life. Merlin apologizes and they go to bed.

Chapter 12

This chapter opens with Merlin and Arthur tied together for a three legged-race for charity. Merlin is less than enthused, “’No, seriously – I had to do this stuff at school,’ he explained. ‘I was pants. Honestly. Pants. Sack race, egg-and-spoon race, wheelbarrow race – I'm just not your man for this kind of thing! I always came last!’” You could always have told Arthur, “no,” Merlin. Arthur has a million bodyguards he could have teamed up with.

“Merlin looked around at the rest of the people in the room, trying to see a sympathetic face somewhere ready to help him out of his predicament. He could not possibly spend an evening getting progressively less sober, with Prince Arthur locked against him ankle-to-ankle and hip-to-hip. It was cruel and unusual punishment, and he was going to lodge a formal complaint. Somewhere.” This is just annoying Merlin, you’re been exceptionally dramatic and it isn’t endearing me to you at all. Just tell Arthur you don’t want to do it and leave. Calm down.

“Oh, God. If he'd had any idea that Lance's bloody Charity Pub Crawl was going to involve getting tied to the oblivious object of his sordid fantasies, he'd have stayed at home. Or had a cold shower. Or at least worn looser trousers.” Can we talk about this weird charity? Who does a three-legged pub crawl race for charity? What charity is it? AA? Also, Arthur said it was his charity at the beginning of the chapter so… I’m confused.

Anyways, Merlin asks Arthur why he won’t race with Gawain and Arthur says Gawain’s partner is Morgause. Which seems like a poor decision. What happens if someone tries to assassinate Morgana? I can just see Morgause comically trying to get to Morgana while still tied to Gawain and falling all over the place. Plus, this is a race. Morgause might be miles behind or ahead of Morgana. “’And isn't she – I mean, honestly, I kind of got the strong impression that she and Morgana were...?’ Arthur shrugged, his cheeks reddening. ‘Don't ask, don't tell,’ he said.” “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” because Morgana and Morgause are cousins?

“’Um. But – doesn't that mean that he's barking up the wrong tree?’ ‘He likes a challenge.’” Let’s talk about this. Now we don’t know what Morgause’s sexuality is. It’s implied she is with Morgana, so we assume she’s into women. She could either be a lesbian or bisexual, which the author of this doesn’t really seem to address (remember the Merlin/Lance fiasco from earlier). My point is, this whole, “straight guy going after a lesbian woman” troupe is super common and it’s annoying as fuck. “LOL she’s into ladies and I know it but let me harass her anyways!!!” Fucking stop.

Morgana and Gwen stumble over. They are partners for the most ill-conceived charity activity ever. “Merlin took one look at the efficient-looking man standing a few paces behind her, radiating that now-familiar aura of polite do-not-fuck-with-me, and did not need to be told that this was whoever was on Morgana duty this evening, while Morgause played at Happy Families with her Academic Grandson.” Ok, I feel much better knowing it’s not open season for assassins on Morgana since Morgause has decided to fuck off and do her own thing. Which is even weirder now that I think about it since Morgause has “long since graduated.” The fuck is she doing hanging around her alma mater for a three legged race? She’s giving me small town quarterback who still attends all the games, wears his letterman jacket all the time and lectures the current players about how he would have handled that pass, “in the good old days,” vibes.

Lance explains the rules, “’Remember, it's up to you which order you visit the pubs,’ said Lance. ‘You can choose any seven from the list – there are Charities Reps in all of them. Make sure you get your booklet stamped by the Charities Rep. They'll confirm that you were there, and what drink you had – to check that it was further down the alphabet than whatever you had at the previous pub. So if you order a pint of Guinness in the Cellar Bar, and go on to the West Port, you can't have an absinth – you'll need to order something that starts with a letter after G, like a Jack Daniels or something. Okay?’” I still don’t understand how this is raising money for charity. They aren’t paying for these drinks. Even if they were, they are going to 7 bars, that’s 14 drinks per team. If there’s ten teams, that’s 140 drinks, and I’m sure the bars aren’t giving these completely away for free, charity or not. So say each drink is $6 and half of it goes to charity, that’s $420 dollars. Is this actually a thing people do? Like are there spectators who bid money on each team? What a stupid thing to bet on. Who would do that? It’s not like those races where small children run/ walk miles and you bet on like $3 a mile. What sort of charity would endorse something like this? Running around drunkenly tied to someone seems so unsafe. THIS CHARITY MAKES NO SENSE.

“’I can't believe that you're supporting something like this!’ Merlin said reproachfully. ‘Isn't this kind of thing against the teachings of the Lord Buddha?’ Lance shrugged. ‘I'm a Buddhist, Merlin. I'm not a killjoy. And besides, it's raising money for an excellent cause.’” BUT WHAT IS THE CAUSE????? Seriously, is this a thing?

“He was all too conscious of the warm, hard line of Arthur's body pressed up against his side, and of Arthur's arm around his waist, and he really couldn't see how he was going to be able to successfully hide his growing arousal over several hours of being plastered up against the man. ‘Please?’ he added, in a small voice.” Ok, Merlin. I like you but fucking stop. You are protesting way too much and it’s getting annoying. You could have just walked away the second someone approached you with the scarf to tie you to Arthur. So dramatic. Damn. Also, Merlin needs to get better friends because they are all ignoring how clearly uncomfortable Merlin is. Lance FINALLY tells him he doesn’t have to do it if he doesn’t want to. “’Mer-lin,’ muttered Arthur, crossly. ‘Don't be such a pussy!’ He sounded oddly upset, and Merlin thought that was a bit rich, under the circumstances.” Lovely. Get new friends, Merlin.

“’Come on, Merlin,’ murmured Arthur against his ear, his breath brushing warm against Merlin's skin and his lips grazing Merlin's earlobe for just a second.’ ‘I'm not doing it without you, you git. You can't make me go with some stranger, who...look, I trust you, Merlin. I know we'll look out for each other. It'll be fine. Please?’” This is giving me an odd image because we just got a description of Merlin leaning his head on Arthur’s shoulder. So is Arthur leaning all the way over to Merlin’s other ear to do this? I know it’s supposed to be an “ooer Arthur is being super touchy feeley!!! He’s totally falling for Merlin!” moment but the image is just making me laugh.

“’Is everyone ready?’ asked Lance, looking around at the mass of couples standing arm-in-arm in front the Students' Union building in the last lingering pink-red-gold rays of the setting sun. ‘Everyone got their collecting tins?’” Ohhhhhh! So they will be harassing bar patrons for money for the charity. Got it. Is this taking place during the day? If they are getting money from bar patrons, how is this a race? Like a team could just go to every bar, ignore collecting any money, get their drinks, and leave to win the race.

The next scene is Merlin and Arthur at their, presumably, second bar. Arthur has ordered them brandy and Merlin refuses to drink it, ordering himself a pint of ale and decides he is going to order his own drinks from that point on.

Then we get this: “Merlin lifted the glass to his lips, watching Arthur's face all the while, and started drinking. And drinking. And drinking. He watched Arthur's eyes start to widen, and his glance skitter down to stare at the way that Merlin's adam's apple was bobbing while his head tilted gradually back so that he was looking at Arthur through his lashes, and Arthur started to blush. By the time Merlin put down his empty pint glass on the bar and swiped the back of his hand over his wet mouth, Arthur's eyes were bulging, and his fingers were digging into Merlin's waist quite fiercely. ‘That was – that was actually pretty impressive,’ he said, rather hoarsely, his eyes darting from Merlin's mouth to his throat and back again.”

Ugh. I see this cliché, Arthur getting hot over Merlin drinking something scene SO MANY TIMES in fanfic and it’s so annoying. This trope is so overused and so unrealistic. I’ve literally never had a dude get all hot and bothered by me drinking something. If they are intensely looking at me while I’m drinking something, they are probably thinking, “She drinks a lot of fluids. I hope she’s not diabetic. How do I casually mention she should get her glucose levels checked out?”

So Merlin and Arthur get progressively drunker. There’s some awkward flirting. “’Oh, bite me, Your Majesty,’ he said, and launched a spectacularly successful (if perhaps, upon reflection, not very well thought out) stealth tickle attack sent them both toppling off their chairs and had Arthur convulsing and yelling and flailing on the floor within seconds, to the fascination of the crowd in The Central. Merlin reflected, in the back of his mind, that it was probably a Very Good Thing that he UK press had signed that agreement to hold off on buying any paparazzi photographs or interviews relating to the prince until after he turned nineteen.”

Just some platonic tickling between bros. Where one character ends up straddling the other. Nothing to see here.

Also, don’t be stupid, Merlin. Just because the media is banned from taking photos, it doesn’t prevent the general public from taking photos and posting them all over the internet.

The chapter ends with Merlin awkwardly calling “Uncle” and then the two of them leave the bar.

Chapter 13

This chapter opens up with the beginning of Raisin Weekend. So we have no idea what happened with this alleged “charity.” Who won? Where did the money go? How much did they bully poor bar patrons into giving them? How many people died from accidentally drunkenly stumbling into the streets because they were tied to another person and lost their balance? The ending to that scene is super abrupt and I honestly feel like I missed an entire chapter somehow.

So Merlin occasionally obsesses over his near kiss with Arthur in the pub and wonders if he should have gone for it. No no no no. It’s a BAD idea to kiss your straight roommate who happens to be the heir to the throne in a very public place. Do not do that. You’re welcome.

Merlin thinks about the possible consequences of having done that, “Or possibly molesting the heir to the throne was one of those obscure laws that overruled the whole no-death-penalty thing – like the ancient and never-revoked ruling that said that anyone on the Isle of Man could legally shoot a Scotsman seen wearing a kilt on one of their beaches. There was probably some statute somewhere that said anyone trying to get their end away with the Prince of Wales would have their head chopped off and stuck on a spike in the middle of Tower Bridge, or something. Merlin made a mental note to look that up, just in case.” Well, yes Merlin. Good job for recognizing that molestation is illegal. A + It probably wouldn’t get you killed but don’t do it either way, no need to look it up. Don’t fucking sexually assault people. And don’t put jokes about it in your fanfics.

“Still, occasionally, when he watched Arthur chewing the end of a biro earnestly as he scribbled notes for an essay, or when he sleepily spied on Arthur stretching in preparation for his morning run, or when he lost himself in the sound of Arthur's voice rambling on about his latest lecture from Gabriella Slomp about ‘”Obbes and Grot-i-us and Nat-si-o-nal law and In-ter-nat-si-o-nal law,’ or the sight of his shirt riding up to reveal a sliver of his back and the top of shockingly perfect arse as he leaned over to tie his shoelaces...occasionally, just occasionally, Merlin thought maybe it might have been worth it.” Ok. Several things to say about this section. Way to misspell national and international. I’m not sure if it’s supposed to represent Arthur’s accent by being spelled that way or something but it still makes no sense because you don’t pronounce hard T’s in either of those words so the s is unnecessary.

Now, let’s talk about this “shirt riding up to reveal a sliver…” part. This is yet ANOTHER ridiculously overused trope in fanfic that makes no sense. Ooer an inch of someone’s back/stomach (the stomach example is how I usually see it in fanfic). How sexy .Said no one ever.

If Arthur reaching over to tie his shoes is showing so much skin that Merlin can see, “the top of a shockingly perfect arse,” then Arthur needs to pull up his damn pants.

Lastly, but most importantly, IT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN WORTH IT. No sexually assaulting people, damn. I don’t feel like I should need to spell it out.

“As Raisin Weekend got closer and closer, Morgana took to smirking at her Academic children in a very disconcerting fashion, and randomly producing a soft blue tape measure with which she measured wrists and ankles and waists and legs and various other bits and pieces, whilst chuckling to herself.” Just including this because it made me think of Katie McGrath’s ridiculous and excessive smirking in season three of Merlin.

So Merlin asks Arthur if his Academic Dad is someone in Arthur’s pilot club and Arthur tells Merlin he didn’t end up joining for various reasons which all make sense to me but Merlin is super dramatic and over the top about it. He makes a big scene about how it’s not fair and blah blah blah. Calm down, Merlin. Arthur tells Merlin he still goes to the air plane hangar once a week. “So – what, you sit there with your nose pressed up against the glass like Tiny Tim, watching all the cadets having fun without you? That's...creepy and weird, frankly.” Lol, Merlin. That was actually funny. Arthur tells Merlin he takes his own plane out.

So Arthur tells Merlin he doesn’t have an Academic Dad. “You don't have an Academic Dad yet?!‘ ’ Given that they'd both just stepped out of the cold, bright Autumn morning and into the University Library, shouting was probably not really the best of all possible plans. Arthur slapped his forehead in frustration, looked from Merlin over to the audience of intrigued students and unimpressed librarians, and turned on his heel and walked right back outside again.”

God Merlin is so tactless. He always has to make a giant scene about everything. I used to like you, Merlin but you’ve been really getting on my nerves the last two chapters. Have some self-awareness, damn.

Arthur turns around and leaves; Merlin runs after him, apologizing. Probably still yelling at the top of his lungs to continue attracting attention. Of course Merlin starts to fall so Arthur grabs him and saves him, holding on just a little too long. Just bros, people. Just bros.

Arthur then walks away. As he should. I would still be pissed too. “And with that he stomped off down the path, leaving Merlin standing there with a head full of questions tumbling like leaves on a blustery Autumn day.” I’m going to give that an unnecessarily dramatic, flowery language warning. You’re on notice, fic.

Later, Merlin goes back to the dorm and Arthur tells him that Lance called him up and asked him if he wanted Lance to be his Academic Dad. Arthur wonders if Merlin called him up and told him. He admits to it, though I don’t think it would have been strictly necessary considering how many people were in the library when Merlin screamed his comment. Word gets around. Lance probably just heard about the incident. Or maybe literally heard the incident take place.

Chapter 14

Merlin and Arthur arrive at Morgana’s house and Morgause answers the door. Arthur asks where her “deadly” kitten Mordred is. We learn that it’s Raisin Sunday Tea Party and everyone has to pick out a hat. Even though Merlin is no longer worried about drunkenly doing magic in front of people, he still worries about Arthur. “Which meant that all he had to worry about was being careful not to say or do anything inappropriate to Arthur – and by this time, he thought he could have earned a BAFTA award for his compelling portrayal of Platonic Best Friend. Bloody well done him. Fifty points to Gryffindor, damn it.” These lies Merlin is telling himself right now.

Morgana gifts everyone with their “Raisin Strings.” Arthur’s is the best one as it’s basically just a necklace with a plane pendant modeled after his real plane. Gwen gets a hip flask in honor of her and Morgana winning the pub crawl and her budding alcoholism, and Merlin gets a massive stuffed Kraken. On a string. To wear on his neck. And Morgana’s explanation is so cringey I want to die for Merlin, “Because Merlin's terribly fond of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. And I understand he has a thing for tentacles. Or was it testicles? One or the other. Possibly both. Anyway, that's enough of me talking – let's hand over to the lovely Helen!”

After their tea party, which was cups of whiskey, they start playing a bunch of ridiculous games, most of which involve more drinking. Then, they all get into groups of four for, you guessed it, Twister! In 3D! “But rather than placing your hands and feet on different coloured circles on the floor, you're supposed to put your hands, or face, or bum, on various different parts of the other people in your team. The aim of the game is to successfully obey the game master's instructions; so long as you've got your hands, face and bum pressed up against whatever they're supposed to be on, and your teammates have too, your team is still in the game. When your team drops out, you each have to down a cup of Grandma Morgause's Blue Meanie Punch. Any questions?” In case you were wondering.

Percy is on Merlin’s team. “Merlin grinned back appreciatively, and reflected that it might not be so bad; Perceval played a lot of football, and it showed. He was a smidgen shorter than Merlin, but impressively athletic, and strikingly good looking, with skin the richly burnished red-brown of a just-split conker, and dark hair in dreadlocks that fell down past his shoulders.” That description.

LOL I mean, it’s funny because Tom Hopper is like a million feet tall and massive. This was written before his character was introduced on the show but still. I’m laughing.

Merlin’s team loses and there’s two teams left. “Merlin, Andi and Percy all piled together on the sofa, Merlin wriggling down so that his back was on the cushion, his legs hooked over the arm rest and his head pillowed companionably on Percy's thigh.” Quite an interesting decision there, Merlin since you pretty much just met Percy. As long as he’s cool with you laying on his crotch, I guess. Kay’s team topples over so Arthur’s team wins, naturally, “…and Merlin was clapping and cheering madly as Arthur disentangled himself blushingly from his partners and then looked over in Merlin's direction with an expression that Merlin had not the faintest idea how to interpret.” I’ll interpret it for you, dumbass. Arthur is jealous of you being face first in some other dude’s lap.

The next came involves sucking chocolate balls onto a straw and dropping them into a glass. Kay makes a disgusting joke regarding Merlin’s sucking skills. Die in a fire, Kay, etc. etc.

So then this happens: “He was doing quite well, he thought, until he glanced up and saw that Arthur had frozen with his straw poised over his own pint glass, and was just staring at Merlin with an intensity that made Merlin flush suddenly scarlet. He looked back down at his box in confusion, but then had to look back up at Arthur again, through his eyelashes, and Arthur was still staring at him – staring at his mouth, in fact – and Merlin could feel himself getting embarrassingly turned on,” and “…and Arthur was licking his lips, like – like – but clearly Merlin was having some kind of alcohol-induced breakdown, because there was no way that Arthur was giving him any kind of heated come-hither-ish looks.” The secondhand embarrassment. I cannot. Arthur, be more obvious that you were imagining Merlin give you a blow job. Merlin, be more obtuse.

Later, Merlin once again brings up Gwen and Lance and he asks her if she’s finally going to get together with him. Gwen is annoyingly dense about it but, I have to agree with her getting annoyed with Merlin bringing it up over and over and over. Fucking stop.

Next is a jelly shot contest. Merlin is lying on the floor with his shirt off; Blanche, his partner, is blindfolded and will be eating the shots off him. Arthur sits and stares at Merlin the whole time. It’s awkward and weird.

The next game involves Chocolate Matchmakers. I have no idea what those are because we don’t have them so I just kind of imagine them as chocolate covered pretzel rods. So they have to pass them around through each other’s mouths and with each person, it gets shorter and shorter because the person passing the candy bites of the end that’s in their mouth. Arthur is of course sitting next to Merlin for this, so Merlin is understandably losing his shit. Poor Drunk Merlin. Oh and there’s a donut on the matchmaker so whomever gets the donut wins? Whatever. These games are weird, but very stereotypical drunk games.

So Merlin gets ready to pass to Arthur and it’s all very tense with the chocolate quickly melting in his mouth, Arthur grabs the end of the chocolate, “…but instead, he found Arthur was still moving towards him, closer and closer, his lips sliding down over inch after inch until he'd swallowed up chocolate and doughnut and all, and was pressing his mouth against Merlin's, swiping his tongue lingeringly over Merlin's startled lips as he stole the game.”

NORMAL BRO STUFF PEOPLE. NOTHING TO SEE HERE. MOVE ALONG.

Merlin freaks out and goes to the bathroom, for which I don’t blame him. Then he masturbates in the bathroom, which is really awkward because he’s at someone else’s house.

Chapter 15

So now we get to the part in the story where I accidentally hate Gwen even though what happens next isn’t her fault. Well not entirely. I also hate Arthur. A lot. Because he’s a complete ass. Stay tuned!

Merlin gets back from the bathroom and spots Arthur speaking to Gwen. Merlin is upset because he wanted to tell Gwen everything that happened; I would too. Then Arthur gets all flirty and up in Gwen’s space, “…and then Arthur was leaning even closer and pushing a strand of curls behind her ear, murmuring something, and she was stumbling over her words and going wide-eyed and startled, staring up at him...”

What in the actual FUCK are you doing, Arthur? Merlin has the best possible reaction, “’Oh,’ said Merlin, blankly, and he turned on his heel and went to find Mordred.” That is word for word what I would have done in the situation. Poor Merlin.

Merlin is playing with Mordred when Morgana finds him and they have a really sweet, though sad for Merlin, and honest conversation about Arthur. Morgana is really nice to him about it and she even acknowledges Arthur was flirting with Merlin. “I could shake him. He was definitely flirting with you down there, and it's not fair. It's really not fair.” DO IT, MORGANA. SHAKE HIM. DO IT NOW.

Later, Lance shows up to pick them all up for his portion of the festivities. “When Lance had shown up to collect his Academic kids Merlin had seen him watch the way that Arthur leaned into her space and wrapped his hands around her waist from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder, making her giggle – and Merlin had watched the light go out of Lance's eyes then and there.” Yikesapolooza. What the fuckering fuck are you doing, Arthur? Can you be more of a self-serving asshole? You know how Lance feels about Gwen and you clearly know how Merlin feels about you. Plus you JUST flirted heavily with Merlin. I don’t care if you are just asserting your straightness after the whole Merlin kiss because you’re having a big gay crisis. Fucking no. You’re hurting three other people with this nonsense.

Arthur spends the whole walk flirting with Gwen which ends up in a tickle fights on the ground. Hey, remember when he did that with another character earlier? Also, get up off the ground you idiots. Gross.

Merlin and Co are at Lance’s friends’ house and Arthur and Gwen are still grossly flirting in front of Lance and Merlin. Merlin confronts Lance about not asking Gwen out. “’Well – I mean, I've – um. Do we have to talk about this?’ ‘Yes,’ said Merlin, firmly. ‘Yes we do. Because it's driving me batshit insane, and because I really need a distraction this evening, and you, you lucky man, are it…’” Fucking finally. It’s driving me insane too, Merlin. Damn.

So basically, Lance used to be fat and ugly and that’s why he won’t do casual flings.

Which is stupid and doesn’t answer the question about Gwen whatsoever. “It's just that I don't really do casual flings, that's all. It's not my cup of tea. But when I met Gwen – it was like she was exactly who I'd been waiting for my whole life. I can't describe it. As soon as I saw her – I mean, she just walked in and the whole room lit up. I wanted to do something amazing for her – climb mountains, slay dragons, something. Just for her. She took my breath away.” That’s way too excessive, Lance. Calm down.

Merlin tells Lance to get his shit together because Gwen is super into him. Cue: “Gwen had got her arms around Arthur's neck, and her knees on either side of his lap, and was kissing the crap out of him.” Of course. Merlin gets up to get another drink. Probably not the best idea since he’s been smashed for about 6 hours at that point. He should really just go back to his dorm and sleep it off at this point. Poor Merlin.

As Merlin is in the kitchen, Edwin magically shows up and they start engaging in some inappropriate PDA against the fridge when Arthur walks in on them. Because of course he does. Merlin looks at Arthur, “At an Arthur who was blushing a shocked, blotchy scarlet and staring at Merlin like he wanted to punch him. Or possibly punch Edwin – Merlin wasn't entirely sure.” Arthur leaves. And fuck him, honestly. He has no right to be pissed off at Merlin for being with another guy when he was LITERALLY just making out with Gwen. In front of Merlin. Asshole.

So this section was ok. I don’t like Cedric being gross towards Merlin at the GaySoc meeting. The charity pub crawl really threw me off. Seriously, is this a legit thing that people do? I get just doing a three-legged pub crawl race with your friends for fun but charity? Really? What charity wants to be associated with drunken debauchery? Also, I’m getting real tired of Arthur being super obviously into Merlin, Merlin being deliberately obtuse about it and Arthur doing nothing. What an ass.

Now let’s talk about the Gwen/Arthur/Lance/Merlin love square. It’s stupid. Genuinely stupid. Gwen might be stupid about Lance’s feelings but there’s no way she doesn’t know Merlin, her BEST FRIEND, has feelings for Arthur. Plus, she insists Lance is too good for her and doesn’t have a thing for her and yet has no problem accepting making out with THE PRINCE OF WALES? REALLY, GWEN? REALLY? She is honestly so dumb. If I liked Lance, I would tell him to stop wasting his time and find someone better. Ok, I know I’m getting blamey towards Gwen but I do think she does hold some responsibility for her actions here. Obviously Arthur is also 100% in the wrong here. He knows Gwen likes Lance and Lance likes Gwen. He also has to know Merlin is somewhat into him or else he never would have gone for that kiss during the tea party. Arthur is just using Gwen, which is really fucking gross, to assert his straightness to Merlin (and probably himself but I don’t care about him and he can fuck off). I don’t care. Stop being an ass and purposely hurting everyone around you. Because that’s what he’s doing. Merlin deserves better than this asshole, prince or not.

Other than that, I liked the pub bar crawl just as a general scene, minus the charity stuff that makes no sense. I also liked the tea party chapters. All five chapters were pretty enjoyable to read. It’s some good Merlin/Arthur angst, particularly during the party, right up until Arthur fucks it all up. I also like Morgana actually being really sweet towards Merlin about Arthur. And three cheers for kitten Mordred. Flawless character.

Until next time: