#THIS IS PRE THIRD DRAFT AND EDITING!

[purplepeptobismol]

Well….

We’re making chapter 13 more than 10k words long I guess…. [it’s already split]

Chapter 13 is turning out to be more than 15k words, so I’m not even gonna bother continue drafting it and just split the chapter already and hope for the best 😷 could be two parts, could be three parts, your guess is as good as mine!

Honestly, I just want to get this one out ASAP 🙏 I owe it to you guys for creating such amazing art and writing while I’ve been making yall wait for so long.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Kitchensink callithump linkdump

On July 14, I'm giving the closing keynote for the fifteenth HACKERS ON PLANET EARTH, in QUEENS, NY. Happy Bastille Day! On July 20, I'm appearing in CHICAGO at Exile in Bookville.

With just days to go before my summer vacation, I find myself once again with a backlog of links that I didn't squeeze into the blog, and no hope of clearing them before I disappear into a hammock for two weeks, so it's time for my 21st linkdump – here's the other 20:

https://pluralistic.net/tag/linkdump/

I'm going to start off this week's 'dump with a little bragging, because it's my newsletter, after all. First up: a book! Yes, I write a lot of books, but what I'm talking about here is a physical book, a limited edition of ten, that I commissioned from three brilliant craftspeople.

Back in March 2023, I launched a Kickstarter to pre-sell the audiobook of Red Team Blues, the first novel in my new Martin Hench series, about a forensic accountant who specializes in unwinding tech bros' finance frauds:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865847/red-team-blues

One of the rewards for that campaign was a very special hardcover: a handmade, leather-bound edition of Red Team Blues, typeset by the typography legend John D. Berry:

https://johndberry.com/

Bound by the legendary book-artist John DeMerritt:

https://www.demerrittstudios.com/

And printed by the master printer JaVae Berry:

https://www.jgraphicssf.com/

But this wasn't a merely beautiful, well made book – it had a gimmick. You see, I had already completed the first draft of The Bezzle, the second Hench novel, by the time I launched the Kickstarter for Red Team Blues. I had John Berry lay out a tiny edition of that early draft as a quarter-sized book, and then John DeMerritt hand-bound it in card.

The reason that edition of The Bezzle had to be so small was that it was designed to slip into a hollow cavity in the hardcover, a cavity that John Berry had designed the type around, so that both books could be read and enjoyed.

I offered three of these for sale through the Kickstarter, and the three backers were very patient as the team went back and forth on the book, getting everything perfect. Last month, I took delivery of the books: three for my backers, one each for John DeMerritt and John Berry's personal archives, one for me, and a few more that I'm going to surprise some very special people with this Christmas.

Look, I had high hopes for this book. I dote on beautiful books, my house is busting with them, and I used to work at a new/used science fiction store where we had a small but heartstoppingly great rare book selection. But these books are fucking astounding. Every time I handle mine, my heart races. These are beautiful things, and I just want to show them to everyone:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/doctorow/albums/72177720318331731/

As it happens, the next thing I'm going to do (after I finish this newsletter) is turn in the copyedited manuscript for the third Hench novel, Picks and Shovels, which comes out in Feb 2025 (luckily, I had enough time to review the edits myself, then turn it over to my mom, who has proofed every book I've written and always catches typos that everyone else misses, including some real howlers – thanks Mom!):

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865908/picksandshovels

Of course, the majority of people who enjoy my books do not end up with one of these beautiful hardcovers – indeed, many of you consume my work exclusively as electronic media: ebooks and (of course) audiobooks. I love audiobooks and the audio editions of my books are very good, with narrators like Amber Benson, Wil Wheaton, and Neil Gaiman.

But here's the thing: Audible refuses to carry my books, because they are DRM-free (which means that they aren't locked to Audible's approved players – you can play my audiobooks with any audiobook player). Audible has a no-exceptions, iron-clad rule that every book they sell must be permanently locked into their platform, which means that Audible customers can't ditch their Audible software without losing their libraries – all the books they purchased:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/07/25/can-you-hear-me-now/#acx-ripoff

Being excluded from Audible takes a huge bite out of my income – after all, they're a monopolist with a 90% market share. That's why I'm so grateful for indie audiobook stores that carry my books on equitable terms that Audible denies – stores like Libro.fm, Downpour and even Google Books.

This week, I discovered a new, amazing indie audiobook store called Storyfair, where the books are DRM-free and the authors get a 75% royalty on every sale:

https://storyfair.net/helpstoryfairgrow/

Storyfair is a labor of love created by a married couple who were sickened and furious by the way that Audible screws authors and listeners and decided to do something about it. Naturally, I uploaded my whole catalog to the site so they could sell it:

https://storyfair.net/search-for-audiobooks/?keyword=cory+doctorow&filter=any

These books are DRM-free, which means that no matter who you buy them from, you can play them in the same player as your other DRM-free audiobooks. You know how you can read all your books under the same lamp, sitting in the same chair, and then put them in the same bookcase when you're done with them? It's weird – outrageous even! – that tech companies think that buying a book from them means that they should have the legal right to force you to read or listen to it using their technology exclusively.

If you let your Storyfair audiobooks touch your Libro.fm audiobooks, they won't get cooties! Audible is like a toddler that won't let their broccoli touch their peas – only that toddler is also a rapacious monopolist that keeps 75% of every sale.

The fight for fair audiobooks is one of those places where the different parts of my professional life cross over: activism, digital media, art, writing the web, and breaking down complex technical subjects for a mass audience. I've just signed up to a six-year project to combine all those facets in a structured way, in collaboration with Cornell University.

Cornell just named me as their latest AD White Professor-at-Large. This is a six-year appointment that involves a series of week-long visits to Ithaca to lecture, run seminars, meet with colleagues, collaborate on research, and do community performances:

https://adwhiteprofessors.cornell.edu/

We've tentatively scheduled my first visit for early September 2025, to coincide with the Ithaca Book Festival, and we've got big plans, roping in multiple departments at Cornell, the local alternative school and local colleges, doing talks at the fair as well as at the university, and (we hope!) squeezing in a stop in NYC on the way home for a day at Cornell Tech. I'm so excited (and honored) to be working with Cornell (and getting a chance to visit Moosewood Restaurant, whose cookbooks taught me how to cook!). Watch this space.

Authorship has always been a political act, but never moreso than today, with waves of book-bans sweeping the country. One of the heroes of those bans is Maggie Tokuda-Hall, who made headlines when she publicly excoriated Scholastic for demanding that she remove references to racism from her kids' books in order to make them more palatable to reactionaries:

https://www.npr.org/2023/04/15/1169848627/scholastic-childrens-book-racism

Tokuda-Hall has stepped up the fight, co-founding Authors Against Book Bans, an org that provides training and support for author/activists so they can fight back against book bans at library board and city council meetings:

https://www.authorsagainstbookbans.com/

Authors Against Book bans is looking for members! I signed up last week, within seconds of having Tokuda-Hall give me the pitch when we ran into each other in Oakland at the Locus Awards. Are you an author? Sign up too! They're especially interested in branching out beyond YA and kids' authors (though they want those kinds of writers, too!).

Book bans affect us all. Even if you personally are never stymied when you visit your library and discover the book that you want to read has been removed by a swivel-eyed loon with terminal groomer-panic. The bans sweeping our country mean that our neighbors and loved ones are being denied literature by these cranks. There are people in your life who are losing out on the possibility of a life-changing literary adventure (which is why the far right hates these books – they want to be sure no one encounters the ideas between their covers).

The realization that you have to live in a society with people who are harmed by injustice, even if you personally escape that justice? It's the whole basis for solidarity.

Americans are living through a multigenerational project of stamping out solidarity and insisting that we only ever view ourselves as individuals, with no stake in the plights of our neighbors. That's how the US got the most expensive, least effective health care system in the world. And even if you are in the vanishingly tiny minority of Americans who are happy with their health care, you live amongst people who are being killed by the system around you.

The health system is a perfect example of how monopolization drives more monopolization, and how that comes to harm the public and workers. Health consolidation began with pharma mergers, that led to pharma companies gouging hospitals. Hospitals, in turn, engaged in a nonstop orgy of mergers, which created regional monopolies that could resist the pricing power of monopoly pharma – and screw insurers. That kicked off consolidation in insurance, which is why most Americans have a "choice" of between one and three private insurers – and why health workers' monopoly employers have eroded their wages and working conditions.

A new study in American Economic Review: Insights puts some quantitative spine in this tale, tracking the relationship between hospital mergers and skyrocketed health-care prices:

https://harris.uchicago.edu/news-events/news/consolidation-hospital-sector-leading-higher-health-care-costs-study-finds?itid=lk_inline_enhanced-template

The researchers investigated 1,164 acute-care hospital mergers, finding that while the FTC only challenged 1% of these, they could – and should – have challenged 20% of them, based on the agency's own criteria for merger scrutiny. The researchers blame the rising costs of hospital care directly on these mergers, and point out that Congress has historically starved the FTC of the budget it needed to investigate these mergers. The annual additional costs to the American people from these mergers exceed the entire annual budget of the FTC.

It's not just hospitals: the entire investor class is hell-bent on spending their way to monopoly. Nowhere is that more true than in AI, where hundreds of billions are being poured into bids to attain permanent dominance through scale. Writing for their excellent AI Snake Oil newsletter, Arvind Narayanan and Sayash Kapoor inject some realism into the AI scale hype:

https://www.aisnakeoil.com/p/ai-scaling-myths

Narayanan and Kapoor challenge the idea that throwing more data at large language models will make the better: "With LLMs, we may have a couple of orders of magnitude of scaling left, or we may already be done." They are skeptical that this can be fixed with synthetic data (whose use is limited to "fixing specific gaps and making domain-specific improvements"). They also point out that if returns from data slow, then returns from adding more compute or making bigger models might also be throttled.

They reserve their most skeptical take for "AGI" – the idea that LLMs are going to achieve consciousness. This is a fundamentally unserious idea, one that they unpack in detail in their forthcoming book:

https://press.princeton.edu/books/hardcover/9780691249131/ai-snake-oil

One thing I'm hoping for from the book is some analysis of the material usefulness of AI hype – what purpose does the hype serve? I mean, obviously, hype is useful if you're looking to suck up investor capital, or flip an investment to a greater fool. But there's a specific character to AI hype: namely, the claim that AI will displace labor, which is really a claim that a bet on AI is a bet on the increasing wealth of capital at labor's expense.

In other words, AI is a bet on oligarchy. In America, that's a pretty safe bet, and the odds just got even better, thanks to a string of brutal Supreme Court decisions that legalized bribery, banned most regulatory enforcement, and made being alive and unhoused into a crime (Poor Laws 2.0):

https://prospect.org/justice/2024-06-29-whos-gonna-check-supreme-court-chevron-separation-powers/

But amidst all those gimmes to the rich and powerful, there was one notable exception: the SCOTUS ruling on the Purdue Pharma bankruptcy. Purdue was the family business of the Sacklers, a multigenerational dope-peddling dynasty that went from super-rich to stratospherically rich by kickstarting the opioid epidemic with their blockbuster drug Oxycontin.

The Sacklers sold mountains of Oxy the old fashioned way: by lying. The lied about its efficacy and they lied about its safety, and they helped kill hundreds of thousands of Americans. Eventually, this caught up with them, and Purdue lost a bunch of court cases and was forced into bankruptcy.

That's where things get gnarly: the Sacklers took the already-sleazy world of elite bankruptcy to a whole new level, with a set of breathtakingly sleazy maneuvers that ensured that their case would be heard by the one judge in America who would let them off the hook:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/11/justice-delayed/#justice-redeemed

That judge was Robert Drain and the Sacklers were the blow-off to a long and shameful career in public "service." The Sacklers incorporated a subsidiary in White Plains, NY (in Drain's turf) precisely 181 days before filing for bankruptcy, then claimed that this empty small-town office had been the company HQ for more than six months. Then they hid machine-readable metadata in their filing that tricked the court's database into assigning the case to Drain:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/08/07/hr-4193/#shoppers-choice

The reason the Sacklers were so horny for Drain? He was a notoriously generous source of "nonconsensual third-party releases." These would allow the Sacklers to permanently end every lawsuit against them without having to declare bankruptcy. Instead, they could take their (ruined, hollow) company through bankruptcy, throw a small fraction of their personal fortunes into the pot, representing fractional pennies on the dollar of what they owed to their victims, and walk away with tens of billions and eternal protection from any future suits.

In other words, they could stiff their creditors and keep the loot. Which is exactly what Robert Drain gave them – before retiring from the bench to get a two-orders-of-magnitude pay raise at a white-shoe firm that specializes in representing corporate mass-murderers like the Sacklers.

That's where it would have ended, but for a surprising ruling from the Supreme Court, which threw out the nonconsensual third-party release deal and put the Sacklers back on the hook to pay the victims of their many, many crimes.

As ever, the best source of analysis and explanation for elite bankruptcy shenanigans is Adam Levitin of the Credit Slips blog:

https://www.creditslips.org/creditslips/2024/06/purdue-pharma-decision-a-big-win-for-mass-tort-victims.html

Levitin has a prediction for what's going to happen next. He rejects the predictions of Sackler apologists, who say that this is going to add years or decades to the already too-long wait for compensation that the Sacklers' victims have endured. Instead, Levitin says that the Sacklers will almost certainly transfer billions more from their personal fortunes to the settlement pot and beg for consensual releases from their victims. In other words, they'll go from dictating terms to asking for them.

So the settlement will stand, but it will be larger, and victims who don't want to take it won't have to – they'll be able to sue. In other words, this ruling "does not prevent deals in bankruptcy. It just changes the terms of what those deals."

This has implications for other mass-murderers and corporate criminals, like Johnson and Johnson (who tricked women into dusting their vulvas with asbestos):

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/01/j-and-j-jk/#risible-gambit

And the Boy Scouts of America, who let pedophiles abuse children for decades:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/12/05/third-party-nonconsensual-releases/#au-recherche-du-pedos-perdue

Both J&J and BSA carved out nonconsensual third-party releases in the mold of the Sacklers' deal, and both briefed the Supreme Court, warning that if the Sacklers were forced to pay what they owed, J&J and BSA's victims would also be entitled to far larger sums. Go ahead and threaten us with a good time, why doncha?

The Sackler decision is a real bright spot at a dark time for corporate impunity. It's always nice to see big corporate bullies getting a bit of a comeuppance. Another one of those comeuppances was just delivered thanks to a classic fatfinger error.

A Microsoft engineer accidentally released the sourcecode to Playready, the company's flagship DRM product:

https://borncity.com/win/2024/06/26/microsoft-employee-accidentally-publishes-playready-code/

Microsoft's DRM doesn't do anything to protect the interests of creative workers or even the companies that employ them. As a Microsoft rep admitted on stage at a presentation in 2006, the purpose of Microsoft DRM is to prevent small startups from entering the market, ensuring that Microsoft and its "rivals" can safely divide up the world without worrying about disruptive competitors:

https://memex.craphound.com/2006/01/30/msft-our-drm-licensing-is-there-to-eliminate-hobbyists-and-little-guys/

I was there that day and reported on the remarks, prompting both Microsoft and its rep to furiously deny that they'd ever said this, despite multiple witnesses who heard it. This was just a couple years after I gave a viral talk at Microsoft about why the company shouldn't use DRM:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/18/greetings-fellow-pirates/#arrrrrrrrrr

By 2006, it was clear that the company was all in on DRM, and today, DRM is the centerpiece of Microsoft's anticompetitive strategy, and Playready is the centerpiece of Microsoft's DRM. The source-code leak is doubtless going to give rise to lots of grey-market tools for stripping DRM from all kinds of media:

https://security-explorations.com/microsoft-playready.html

You love to see it! Now I'm doubly looking forward to this summer's security conferences, including Defcon, where, for the first time, I'll be emceeing the charity poker tournament to benefit EFF:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2024/06/betting-your-digital-rights-eff-benefit-poker-tournament-def-con-32

This should be very fun – and funny – especially given how little I know about poker (I have been specifically selected on that basis, for the comedy value). Every player gets a custom EFF poker-deck, and the winner gets a treasure chest filled by EFF board member Tarah Wheeler, including "emeralds, black pearls, amethysts, diamonds, and more."

I like to close these linkdumps with something fun and uplifting, and I'd planned to end things with the poker-tournament, but then my pal Raph Koster announced that his game studio Playable Worlds had dropped its first announcement of Stars Reach, an open-world MMO like no other:

https://www.raphkoster.com/2024/06/28/announcing-stars-reach/

Raph is a legend in MMO design circles, whose credits include Ultima Online and Star Wars Galaxies. He wrote the definitive text on how games work, A Theory of Fun, that's does for games what Understanding Comics did for comics:

https://www.theoryoffun.com/

Stars Reach is stupidly ambitious. It consists of truly open worlds, modeled to an absurd degree of fidelity:

We know the temperature, the humidity, the materials, for every cubic meter of every planet. Our water actually flows downhill and puddles. It freezes overnight or during the winter. It evaporates and turns to steam when heated up. And not just our water — everything does this. Catch a tree on fire with a stray blaster bolt. Melt your way through a glacier to find a hidden alien laboratory embedded in the ice. Stomp too hard on a rock bridge, and watch out, it might collapse under your feet. Dam up a river to irrigate your farm. Or float in space above an asteroid, and mine crystals from its depths.

The game is fundamentally a climate story, whose lore has humanity seeded around the galaxy by a powerful alien race called the Old Ones, only to have humans bust through the planetary limits of every world they were given. Now the Old Ones are giving humans another chance to try smarter ways of sustaining ourselves on new worlds, with the aid of powerful robots call "Servitors."

Because this is a Raph Koster game, it's got a bunch of extremely satisfying play dynamics:

A classless skill tree advancement system, where peaceful play matters just as much as combat

An intricate player-driven economy where players can craft their way to fame and fortune

An accessible yet deep combat system, where you can choose whether to play using action aiming or more forgiving homing shots or lock-on targeting

In-world player housing that lets you build and customize your home and form towns… and enough room for everyone to have a house

A single shardless galaxy, with both space and ground gameplay… in fact, you can build that house on an asteroid, if you want

The ability for a group to govern a planet, and define its laws, whether you want a peaceful home or a PvP free for all

Stars Reach is not playable yet, but the company's looking for gamers to give them feedback and steer the development:

https://starsreach.com/

OK, that wraps up the week's links. I'm gonna get one more edition out on Monday, god willin' and the crick don't rise, and then I'll be off for a couple weeks. Enjoy your summer!

Support me this summer on the Clarion Write-A-Thon and help raise money for the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/29/pasticcio/#professor-at-large

Image: James St John https://flickr.com/photos/47445767@N05/40894047123

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

[chaoticamelay]

MCU Bucky Barnes: Migraine. TBI, and Headaches

aka "Of Course His Head Hurts, Did We Not Watch The Same Movies?"

i saw a post where the OP said they headcanon that bucky barnes has chronic migraines due to the head trauma he's experienced. as someone with migraine who LOVES yapping about bucky barnes I have THOUGHTS

-

Basically, i agree with the headcanon that bucky is still dealing with the side effects of all the head trauma he has experienced. Even with the serum, there is no way in hell he doesn't have headaches after *gestures vaguely at his entire life*

Does that mean bucky barnes has migraines? Nope! Allow me to explain why (and also what I think bucky has instead)!

There are two main kinds of headache: primary and secondary (and also a few other exceptions like some neuropathies). Primary headaches are caused by a headache or head pain condition/disorder, with no other known underlying cause. Secondary headaches are a symptom of another underlying condition. There are four categories of primary headache disorders: migraine, tension-type headaches. trigeminal autonomic cephalalgias (TACs), and other kinds of PHDs such as cold-stimulus headache, aka brain freeze. Causes of the secondary headache types include... well. everything else, up to and including trauma. Which Bucky has. Obviously.

The word migraine is often used to mean 'severe headache', but this is inaccurate: migraine is a neurological disorder with unknown cause (although it is believed to be a mix of genetic and environmental factors.) Before i got off twitter I wrote a thread talking about migraine misconceptions, i have it saved in my drafts for migraine awareness month but until then here's some starter info from Migraine Canada.

We don't see anything pre-war or during the war before the train that would make me think Bucky has migraine. It's possible, obviously, since it doesn't seem like it was a disqualifying condition for US Army service during WWII, although some types of aura would have been. But it doesn't seem likely to me that he could have had migraine attacks and still gotten promoted to sergeant, particularly if he had migraine with aura and and had to work around that. (Visual or sensory/motor aura symptoms, for example, would make it real hard to shoot a gun, especially at long-range).

On to secondary headaches, then: let's specifically look at headaches caused by trauma, which obviously Bucky has. Beyond what's shown on screen, there is a canon tie-in book called The Wakanda Files which includes some of Zola's diary and Shuri's notes on Bucky when he was there. I don't own this book, but when I went looking I found that a lovely human named @samwontshare has made several posts with its contents, complete with image descriptions! Go check it out, but here's a quote from their Bucky masterpost of Shuri talking about Bucky (cw for torture, obviously):

Hydra’s methods were effective in making Barnes hyperaware and highly suggestible. They caused what I can only describe as noise in the electric activity of his hemispheres. An EEG on Barnes revealed just how murky and extensive his brain damage was. Hydra’s Winter Soldier program subjected Barnes to electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) followed by suggestive keywords and phrases to activate a brain soup knot that could take years to unravel. If we’re able to reverse it at all. ECT is extremely painful, and Hydra didn’t administer any dulling agents. (The Wakanda Files)

It is MCU canon that Bucky Barnes has a traumatic brain injury. And it is my opinion that post-HYDRA, Bucky has a neurocognitive disorder as a result of that TBI. I'm not getting into that though, because that could be its own post, and honestly it might be at some point but probably not anytime soon. Back to Bucky and headaches.

The International Headache Society maintains the International Classification of Headache Disorders, which is currently in its third edition (ICHD-3). This framework is used for diagnosis and treatment of headache disorders. There are also headache disorders coded in the WHO's ICD-11 for Mortality and Morbidity Statistics, but this isn't as exhaustive as the ICHD-3 on headaches specifically so I'm using that instead.

We might assume that Bucky's head pain is Post-electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) headache (A7.6.3). Although "clear descriptions of headache associated with electroconvulsive therapy are sparse", which is why it's in the appendix of the ICHD-3 and not the main diagnostic manual, if anyone was going to have it, it'd be Bucky. Even so, one of the diagnostic criteria is that "each headache has resolved within 72 hours after ECT", so this doesn't fit even if the name makes it sound like it does.

I think the better explanation is ICHD-3 5.2.1: Persistent headache attributed to moderate or severe traumatic injury to the head. (In the ICD-11 this would be coded 8A84.1). The diagnostic criteria for that is headache persisting more than 3 months after a head trauma, and the 'moderate to severe' qualifier is added if one of several conditions are met, one of which is "imaging evidence of a traumatic head injury" which hey! we know from Shuri's notes Bucky has!

"But Amelay! Wouldn't the serum have healed the TBI?" I mean, i feel like it did a LOT. With what they did to him, Bucky would be dead multiple times over if it he wasn't enhanced. Wakanda is the most medically advanced place on the planet, and Shuri is a genius, and she's not confident in her notes that she'll be able to even begin to fix what HYDRA did, even with Bucky being enhanced. Bucky gets significantly better by the time he leaves Wakanda, but even the serum has limits, and the brain is so incredibly complex- it's not like fixing a GSW or broken bone. In my opinion he still has a TBI.

"But Amelay! Yes, Bucky has a TBI, but you can't be sure he has headaches!" True. But a) he's fictional, and b) you also can't be sure he doesn't. And I want to believe that the reason he wears sunglasses is not to look cool as hell, but because the light is hurting his head. Let Bucky be disabled, cowards.

And also he looks cool as hell.

(Before anyone asks why he's okay with gunfire if the light hurts his eyes: HYDRA had incentive to train noise sensitivity out of him, if they wanted him to be in a firefight. But they gave the winter soldier dark googles during the bridge fight (during the day), but not when he shot fury or killed the starks (both at night). And then i think when he didn't have them during the helicarriers because it was a punishment. Afterwards, he was really fucked up, and possibly felt like he deserved the pain? idk man alternatively headache disorders are super fucking weird, sometimes stuff just doesn't seem logical.)

[freshlyrage]

Running Like Water

Chapter 25

pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (written as xReader)

fic warnings: NSFW Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) language, strained family relationships, mentions of drug abuse, discussions of insecurities and body image issues, daddy and mommy issues

fic tags: Best friends younger sister, Life-long crush, Friends to lovers, Unrequited love, slow burn, Push and Pull, Small Town Dynamics, Secret Relationships, latina MC, Fluff and Angst, OFC!Jessica Alba face claim, sorry Lorraine I'm bringing you into this, Time jumps, 2 year age gap, pre-canon

word count: 3.5k

IMPORTANT a/n: I am really sorry, you can start the Mari witch hunt now. Chapter 26 is in the editing stage... message me questions. I've had this exact chapter drafted for about a year. I want to hear your thoughts while we enter the third part of this story.

January 1988 Bogota, Colombia

“You do understand that this is a traumatic event?”

Javier ashes his cigarette with a head shake. His bones are aching and tired and he feels old. Like he’s ready to retire at the peak of twenty six. It’s always warm, it’s humid like the day of his false wedding. No one knows his pain but he’s willing to share it. We need therapy, you told him once.

Look at me, I’m trying. 

He doesn’t take the words of his work appointed therapist very seriously but it’s taken him twelve sessions to finally talk about it. The first words other than good afternoon out of Dr. Hertz mouth already frustrates him. It frustrates him more how attracted he is to her. He swears her exact hair color is yours when he left. She sits with a pencil skirt like all the women around the office do. Besides his boss, she’s always in a pantsuit. Skin tan from the Colombian sun, nails always done in a square tip—scribbling in a notebook. That wasn’t like you, the nails. It was rare if you ever had them done, he’d like running his thumb over your nail beds, an odd spot that tickled you. He missed you so badly. 

“The situation hurt her the most.” 

Dr. Hertz fixed herself a frown and a nod, pen to paper a dry sound that ticked him off. “Take it from the top for me please.” 

The night of June 16th 1986

Javier decides to grab his thick work file before  he drives to the hotel he wanted to share with you. Sitting in a chair that has housed many sad men like him, he frowns over the case details of pregnant drug smugglers' corpses and child detainments for gun possession. Ashing into a tray that isn’t his. 

His head hurts and so does his hand, it’s nerves are short circuiting while he holds himself from calling you. He doesn’t want to think about tonight at all. He doesn’t want to continue to be haunted by Lorraine and the swell at her stomach. Avoiding the thought—that it could be—he abandons it. Instead he buries his nose in cigarette smoke and work for the night, he much rather be buried in the crook of your neck. Inside you, beside you, looking at you, holding you, speaking to you– he just wants you here. He hates to waste time and he isn’t sure why he feels a sick instinct that you maybe have less time then he believes. 

He decides to call after his 3rd cigarette. It’s a long shot considering it’s 3 am but he has never been good with self control. He pictures your face as you sleep, he’s watched it despite your pleas to fall asleep alongside you, he likes to watch before he does. You always sleep on your stomach, hands on either side of you like you were tossed in bed, one on his chest and a cheek smushed. You drool, he won’t tell you that but you do. He’s frowning while he dials, you hadn’t told him you loved him back tonight, he wonders what he did wrong. Or if it really just Lorraine. 

“Hello?” Your voice is dry and very much awake. 

“Andrea.” Is all he can itch out his throat, he isn’t even sure why he called you. Maybe just to hear your voice, that's reason enough right? 

“It’s late, baby.”

He thinks maybe he could just hang up now, whatever urge he felt all night had been fulfilled with three simple words in your sweet voice. He closes his eyes fighting an urge to drive back forty minutes to your house. 

“Yeah-yeah I know. Just want to hear you before I sleep.” 

“Well, you're hearing me. I love you.”

He nods, he knows. It’s his religion, those words leaving you.  “Will I be able to see you tomorrow?” 

You hold silence for a beat, an exhale beyond the receiver. “Yes, I want to sleep in your bed this time.”

“Okay.” He says pathetically quick, nodding like you could see just how serious he is about spending time with you. You giggle, and he wonders what changed in the last few hours since he left you in the aftermath of your brother's wedding. Maybe you just missed him too. 

“Okay. Goodnight, I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

He can't help himself, he just can't. 

He says it like a whisper, like it's a secret. 

“¿Sabes que te amo, verdad?”

“I know, I just–" You take a second, like you know what you're going to say will hurt him. He can't tell if you're bracing yourself or giving him time do so as well.

"Sometimes I just miss you when you're around and it's tiring to feel like I’m still fighting to keep you."

Colombia 1988

“I couldn't understand that. When we were together each moment felt like she was slipping away from me. I just didn’t know she could feel the same way. I was a present partner.” He sighs, an itch in his molars. A weird tick he gets when he wants to see your face. “I tried to be.”

Dr. Hertz pressed her lips in a firm smile, “It may seem difficult to assess a situation you are so tied to, do you suppose maybe Andrea felt this way because your relationship was on borrowed time?”

“It wasn’t on borrowed time.”

“Maybe borrowed time isn't the correct phrase, but you began the relationship fully aware that you would leave. Correct?”

“Yes.”

“Wouldn’t you agree that-that idea could’ve struck a nerve in the insecurities you said she had in relationships.”

“Is this a therapy session for her or for me?” Javier snaps and he isn’t sure why he takes it there, isn’t sure why he says her name so bitterly like you did anything wrong. Dr. Hertz nods, and scribbles with a crease between her brow. 

“I have never met Andrea, you are my patient. I want to help you recognize a place we could work together to improve.” 

“Alright.” He rolls his jaw for a moment feeling like a scolded child. His eyes flick to the clock. Another half hour left, he wants to head back into his apartment where it’s safe. 

“Alright, was it the next morning that you met with Lorraine?” 

Javier’s nostrils flare, thinking of her makes him feel physically ill. She says her name and sees your face when he tells you. 

“I didn’t meet up with her, I was ambushed.” He shuts his eyes for a moment, the weight of the word feeling useless in this setting. He knows what the word truly means, ambushed, he stood in front of Carillo’s closed casket days after the ambush. “I was caught off guard.” Javier decides to correct himself.

The next morning, June 17th 1986

There is another car in his driveway. A car unfamiliar to him. The sun blares down and he’s already sun tired and he just woke two hours ago. He decides to light a cigarette before stepping up to his front door, still his father holds a no smoking policy in the house. 

He shuts his eyes, eyelids burning orange and he drags in his first breath since last night. He wonders if you’d be free for a drive to the lake. You played into his biggest fantasy a few days ago in your tiny bikini, nose nuzzled in your mound. He’d like to do it again. 

He could hear the main road 3 minutes down the hill, that and the crackling from his burning cigarette. He flicks his wrist to check the time, strange for his father to have guests at any time of day. Javier shrugged it off with a step on the cigarette butt. He’s been burning through them lately, smoking one for only two minutes. He supposes his habit is now an addiction, he’s good at it at least. 

Javier walks up the small steps to his front door to be greeted by his father with a frown. His eyes scan over his father’s body, blocking any view of the inside of the house. His body on autopilot, he hands the car keys to his father like he does every time he comes home. But the air was still and this wasn’t like every time he came home. Javier’s heart dropped to his stomach, a fear that something happened to you. “¿Qué pasó? ¿Quién está aquí?"

“Lorraine and her parents are here.” 

Javier shuts his eyes and takes a step back into the porch. Allowing his father to follow him, shutting the screen door behind them. Javier pinches his nose. 

“I’m not interested in talking to them. Fuck this.” Javier pats his pockets for the keys he had just given away without thinking.

“You can’t leave this time.”

Javier walks into his home. Feeling like he’s attending a principals conference. His pastor–the father of his ex-girlfriend, her mother and her sat on the couch with solemn faces. Javier nods at both parents, adjusting his collar bundled with nerves. Despite feeling betrayed by his own father, he still will never disrespect guests in the home he built. Javier offers his hand to Mr. Smithfield to which he takes because ultimately he is a christian. He presses a kiss to the cheeks of Mrs. Smithfield and Lorraine. It reminds him of the first time he had dinner at their home. He knew the family his whole life because of church but being introduced as their darling girl's boyfriend was one of the most anxiety inducing moments of his adolescence. He remembers them with the same stone cold faces, ready to devour him whole if he had stepped out of line. 

He knew them as powerful people, he knew if he had wronged their daughter he would no longer have any work in town. 

So, Javier was quite the wreck.

“Sorry If i kept you all waiting— I was caught off guard.” Javi sits across from them, all scary looking with intense sad stares. 

Mr. Smithfield nods, “We knew you wouldn’t have shown if you were given a warning.” 

His initial reaction is to rebut, to jump to his feet and tell them they hadn’t had a clue of who he was. It feels like a body shot. Javier hadn’t grown into a full man yet. The comment still triggered the nerve that sends him off on anger infused raves. He thinks of you, and the face you’d make if he did. He realizes that this moment is one he shouldn’t run from, maybe this will be the moment to prove himself to be a better man. For you. It’s wrong but it’s what he thinks. 

If he stays here and listens to whatever berating this family has for him, maybe, just maybe, you’ll be proud of him for hearing them out. 

So Javier clenches his jaw and allows Mr. Smithfield to speak. “We as parents are concerned for our daughter. Javier— you know we trusted you with her and we see clearly that you took care of her. But—you bolted in her most vulnerable moment.”

Javier furrows his brows, looking into the eyes of Lorraine.

 She seems to have been in another room, on another planet. Her icy eyes, the ones he once gazed into with adoration— served him nothing but coldness. He wanted to snap in her face and ask if she was there. Was this a bad dream? He looks to his father once more. Chucho stands at the arm of the couch with his arms crossed. Javier never felt this weak. 

Look at me

At least look at me Lorraine.

He assumes this silence as an olive branch for his explanation. 

He’s unsure of what he needs to explain but he does anyway. 

“Mr… and Mrs.” Javier looks at the both of them, god what scary looking people. “I care for Lorraine, for a long time I loved her but we were too young and too serious. We fell out of love just as fast and— and we stayed together out of convenience for our careers but there were weeks where we didn’t speak to each other. We didn’t have the time or the will to work on it.” 

It was the truth. Last year they reached a point where she’d come in without a word, dropping groceries on the counter, ripping off her scrubs, getting into bed and locking the door. A sign that tonight, Javier must sleep on the couch. He stared at the bubbled ceiling, with his bones aching from his oversized limbs making space in the futon. He stared until his eyes burned and wondered what he was doing with his life just at the ripe age of twenty three. 

Mrs. Smithfield looks like she’s seen red, like, how dare you not love my daughter? Javier is sure if she’d said those words out loud he’d laugh and send them all to hell. But she doesn’t. 

She does not. 

Her chin quivers and her nose twitches. Teeth barred like she’s about to let out a profanity but instead, she begins to cry. 

“But you have time to get my daughter pregnant.”

Colombia 1988

Javier laughs bitterly. As if the sentence didn’t ruin his life. Here he is whining about it to his beautiful therapist. She frowns, shaking her head. Javier wants the session to end already. 

“It was like I died in that living room. The dreams I was just creating stayed there. I was in so much shock I hadn’t even second guessed the accusation.”

She nods with that understanding face of hers, it reminds him a bit of yours.

“It may be important to understand the rest of your story, it may be important to know exactly what you felt after she revealed the news.”

Javier is bothered by the way the doctor says news as if any of it had been truthful. 

Javier lights another, Dr. Hertz scribbles a short one. Javier flicks his eyes up to hers as his cigarette burns. 

“You keepin’ tally?” He asks with a hint of sarcasm.

She doesn’t smile, “Yes. I am. Please continue.”

Javier stares at her for a moment and it reminds him so much of you it makes him sick. He can’t help but obey. 

“Truthfully, I first felt like I regressed. I had been cruising through my life until that moment, losing track of time. I thought… how? I’m just a kid? I felt like I was ten and my dad was sitting me on that same couch to tell me my mom ran off. I was in that same head space. Both times I felt like I was being punished for my actions, both times I felt like an open wound, ”

“You felt like both situations had been karma?”

“Yes. I felt like a human wedge between my father and my mother. My existence had been a bad mark and when she left it was a final message of “look what you’ve done.” Javier’s throat is scratchy and he wishes these things were said to you first but he supposes a professional listener will do. “And I grew up to be so selfish and reckless, reckless with my relationships and with sex. And so abruptly I decided to leave that all behind for Andrea, I started to be safe, caring, a better man. But there I was facing the consequences of my own actions. Look what I have done.”

Look at the mess I made.

Will you still love me? After I have made a mess of all we found sacred? 

She nods with a look in her eyes that feels bright, like she was so proud of him for such an articulate and honest answer. He wasn’t sure why today he was being so honest. 

“Anyway. I was stumbling over my words asking how she knew— which felt like a shitty question to ask in front of her parents but considering the outcome I guess I was onto something.” Javier pulls his cigarette from his lips with a pulled brow, he’s burning through these far too quickly, he’ll be broke in no time. “She told me she was 5 months which tied me back to being her only sexual partner the entire year of 1985 and some of 1986 you know until I moved away. I just went cold while her family ranted.”

He hears them in his head when he looks at Dr. Hertz. He spares her the details, their time is inching towards the finish line. 

“We talked with your father and we know you’re a good young man. We know our daughter was tempted.”

“I don’t see you as a man to abandon his child.”

“Our daughter will not have this child out of wedlock.”

“We are willing to make arrangements swiftly to stifle the talk in our church.”

He sat with his head in his hands.  Ears ringing and he felt so fucking guilty for having such a reaction to his own consequences. For being so broken when he wasn’t the person carrying the child, for the woman across from him. 

And he knows her family well, he knows that their faith and christianity only stretches so far. He knows about Lorraine’s eldest brother who came out as gay and is no longer seen in Laredo. He knows Lorraine despite their fall out, he knows the stress of image that was placed on her at just six years old. He knows, he held her head as she cried while she spoke about their conditional love. It scares him deep in his soul, he knows and it breaks him. That he’d not only ruin her life but his future child’s life if he doesn’t man up.  He knows that the delicate bones in her body move aside for life, a life he had part in creating. He could not–he cannot add to the stress. He sees it in her gaze.

“I know now I was seeing guilt in her eyes. She knew the child wasn’t mine, she took advantage of me. But at the time I saw a girl I had loved, I saw her alone in a room full of people.” Javier leans against the chair. “I was a fucking idiot.”

“You were trying your best.” Dr. Hertz corrects him, “You were deceived, you were young. When you speak of Lorraine you still have room for grace and understanding of her circumstance despite her manipulating you and still, still you give her that grace to be a flawed human . You should apply that to yourself too. “

Javier looks down at his shoes for a moment. His brows pulled tightly together. His chin quivers and he isn’t sure why he feels her words with such intensity. Two weeks ago Javier told Dr. Hertz that the first time he considered therapy was when his ex-girlfriend burst into tears after sex. It was that session she finally pushed to know who Andrea was, Javier spent the bulk of the session smiling. Hertz had been smiling too, last week Javier had been frowning again. He told her about Louisiana. He had beaten himself up repeatedly for the insecurity he placed in your heart, Dr. Hertz hadn’t agreed. She quite unprofessionally called him, an idiot, for being so unkind to himself. “It seems like you were a great person for her, not everyone gets the chance to truly understand their lover.” Javier disagreed, he explained the wedding and how he hadn't felt so detached from you until that moment in the yard.

“That was the last time we were really together as a couple. “

We never really got the chance to be a couple, huh.

Hertz nods, and Javier drops the pregnancy scandal on her like a small footnote in his story. 

ThenwesplitbecausemyexmanipulatedmeintobelievingIwasthefatherofherunbornchild. 

In one fast jumbled mess between cigarette pulls. Dr. Hertz had thrown her hands in the air, earning him a Javier…

Today he tells his story and it hurts bone deep. Today he couldn't escape the trauma he kept in the corner of his mind during the lonely years in Colombia. Javier pulls himself together, pushing his agony aside to lift his chin. Checking the clock. Five minutes. 

“I knew I would have to-I knew I hadn't had a choice. I knew some sort of modern couple co-parenting with step-parents would never fly. They’d send Lorraine and my baby off somewhere I would never find them. I mean, maybe it's different here in Colombia but I’m talking about bible belt American socialites, it was already a travesty to them that a hispanic man got their baby pregnant. I also knew my father would never speak to me again, he gave up everything to be my father. He lost his own wife while he tried to be the best for me, I knew this wouldn't kill her. I knew I wasn't right for her in any way. I caused so much mess in Andrea’s life, this was the only way to leave swiftly and make her hate me. It would be easier that way, if none of this happened she’d be home in Laredo burning for me. I already wasted too much of her life with my antics.” Fuck it, Javier’s cheeks were wet. He had been crying the second he opened his mouth. Rushing to say his peace until next week. 

He knows todays your birthday, but he wanted to keep something for himself. He wants to suffer that alone.

“It would hurt her but it wouldn't kill her. They knew I’d go away to Colombia anyway but at least she’ll be wed. I was set to be married two weeks later.”

[thelongestway]

Well, what can I say? Here we go again. :P I haven't actually done as much pre-writing as I initially wanted, but at a certain point one it makes sense to just start writing and figure it out as you go. That's what rough drafts are for, anyway!

Early reflections: NE and SC mark a change in the tone of The Murderbot Diaries. There are more relationships and they are more complex; the pace slows down and there is quite a bit of exploration of trauma; SecUnit has learned to identify a lot more emotion and has lived its new life for quite some time; and in general the complexity grows.

As the third story in The Nameless Fanfic cycle is set immediately after System Collapse, the tone and complexity will likely shift accordingly, which means I might need to write larger chapters, slower. Also? Goddamn it, ART, I've had to look up its tone as much as I had to look up SecUnit's initially, and oh man is it not easy. We'll see how much editing I'll have to do afterwards.

(Also there's another oneshot story waiting for me to dig up the relevant info. :P)

But meanwhile - we are back to SecUnit's point of view! And, as is traditional, this third story doesn't have a name yet. But it does have...

Chapter 1: Crippled

The alien remnants really did a fucking number on ART's wormhole drive. By which I meant that even with the help of Holism and its humans, decontamination and repair were not going well.

"We've tried replacing the wormhole drive components," one of Holism's techs, Astrid, told the assembled humans in frustration. "But for some reason they just won't connect to Perihelion's wormhole drive subroutines properly, like they're incompatible now."

Seth had a deep frown on his face.

"I'm assuming we've tried just copying Holism's subroutines? What happened?"

"Something very strange. Do you know how you can't autopilot through wormholes because the ship needs to take in readings and do millions of minute adjustments even in the shortest jumps? The subroutines are designed to make sure the adjustments are prioritized correctly, as the wormhole medium is incredibly volatile. But it's as if Perihelion's whole way of interacting with the medium has been altered, somehow. The copied subroutines simply don't take right, and even if we forced them… I wouldn't be comfortable going into the wormhole relying on that."

The humans fell quiet. I could feel ART lurking in the feed behind me. It had been strangely silent throughout the whole conversation, running some sort of analysis in the background. Several of them, actually. (As usual.)

I pinged it. ART ignored me. I pinged it again.

I'm adjusting my analysis of time to the next mission deployment. It said. I cannot give you an ETA right now.

There was something worrying about the way it said that. 3,37 seconds later I understood what it was. ART was never apologetic. (Almost never). And it never sounded scared. (The last time it was terrified and desperate it just acted like even more of an asshole than it usually was.)

But now it sounded like that: apologetic and a little scared. Because, I suddenly realized, it wasn't a question of when it would be fixed. It was if it could be fixed.

"We're having trouble assessing the extent of the damage even from our station module, so it might be necessary to just tow Perihelion back to the university and do a deep examination there," Astrid said.

I felt ART lurch. There was no way it wanted to get towed back home by Holism, of all ships. There was no way it wanted to get towed back home, period. Especially if it didn't know when or even if it would be allowed out again.

I opened a feed channel with Mensah, Ratthi and Pin Lee (who had all been at the meeting too. Mensah in particular was listening with a frown similar to Seth's), and Ratthi dumped a message into it so fast that he must have been composing it for a while already.

We've seen this just a few months ago, right? Super fast organic wormhole drives? Do you think the Trellians could help?

It's worth a try, Mensah said thoughtfully. But our non-disclosure agreements present a problem. We can't tell the University's crews about Trellian ship speeds directly, and neither can we tell the Trellians about Perihelion.

ART knows about Dandelion, I said. And about her wormhole speed. I gave it data for comparison when we were analysing the situation.

Mensah and Pin Lee both frowned at me.

Does its crew know? Pin Lee asked sharply.

No, ART said, inserting itself into our channel. It wasn't needed. And SecUnit told me it was private data.

Hello, Perihelion, Mensah said. You knowing does make some things easier. What do you think about asking the Trellians for help?

Their technology isn't alien. ART said. I estimate the chances of their analysis being helpful at sub-20 percent. It paused. However, I estimate the chances of the university laboratories being helpful at sub-5 percent, as there are no records of anything similar in university databases. The most likely outcome is a complete refitting of my wormhole navigation systems.

That's if you're lucky, I said.

It's the most likely outcome, ART repeated.

I see. In that case, I may have a proposal for you and your crew, Mensah said, drafting some text in the feed and pinging Pin Lee to look it over. Pin Lee approved.

ART didn't say anything.

Mensah spoke up:

"If I may. Preservation Alliance has recently signed a research collaboration treaty with a non-corporate polity. While there are certain details that I cannot divulge without approval from the other party, I would like to say that it may be beneficial for their technical specialists to take a look at Perihelion. From preliminary data we've exchanged, I think they may have encountered something similar at one point, and they have had some time to study it."

Seth raised an eyebrow.

"Which polity?"

"Starwind Accord." When that didn't ring a bell, Mensah explained: "They're located fairly far off, but one of their research ships should be in the area right now. We can provide a meeting site, and if we send a message to Preservation Station ahead of our coming, I think they will be able to meet with you within a month's time."

"It might be worth a try," Astrid said to Seth. "This will be risky for Perihelion no matter what, so even a scrap of information would be helpful before trying to fix this mess."

ART bristled in the feed. Silently.

I said to it,

Worldhoppers?

No, it said and went back to its analysis.

---

ART was still sulking in the evening, so I did the obvious thing. I told Iris about it on a private comm channel.

I see, she said, then tapped ART's feed.

Peri, SecUnit and I are going to watch Cold Sleep Explorers from the beginning. Come watch with us.

That got its attention.

SecUnit and I are watching that one already. ART said.

We had actually started on it a little earlier. It turned out that the early space exploration show I'd picked out for its mix of realism and fun was pretty popular on Mihira, and ART had wanted to see it through my filters. Right now, though, even that was a little too realistic for what we usually watched, so we'd set it aside.

Iris insisted:

So? I haven't gotten to play 'real or made up' with it yet, and I want to before you spoil it on everything.

SecUnit has no educational modules on history. ART said sarcastically. It will not be a fun game.

Yes, it will, Iris said to me on our private feed. The game is called 'how quickly we can get Peri to correct us.'

To ART, she said:

Well, you're welcome to join anytime. We'll be in the lounge.

A couple of minutes later we were actually sitting in front of a screen. (It was the first time I was watching a serial on a screen together with a human. Who was eating bits of synthetic protein of various flavors from a large bag.) As the opening narration started, Iris turned to me:

"So, SecUnit. Long-toed blood dolphins. Real or made up?"

"Horrible planetary fauna," I said. "Real."

"Wrong." ART said to us both. "They were not horrible."

Iris winked at me.

"Peri," she said in mock indignation. "Since you're here, you get the hard question. Exodus phenomenon: real or made up?"

"It is an early human model of space exploration with limited accuracy." ART said. "The dichotomy is irrelevant."

"That's not how the game works. Real or made up?"

ART thought for a moment, then answered:

"The model accuracy is 33,5% below usable threshold. Made up."

[tryslora]

2024 in review, 2025 goals and objectives

It’s that time of year… as we launch into a new year, it’s time to talk about my goals & objectives from 2024, and set some new ones for 2025.

For those who may be new here: I don’t do resolutions. Those are fluffy. Amorphous and difficult to quantify. I prefer to set proper goals & objectives that I can look at at the end of the year and see how I did.

Sometimes this works. Sometimes not so much.

So, we’ll begin by looking back at 2024.

For writing, I said I would…

Launch Kickstarter for Twinned trilogy with Duck Prints Press and complete fulfillment

This did not happen for a variety of reasons—some of them mine, some of them not mine. However, discussions DID happen, and a new plan has been set. The second book will be available for pre-order from the DPP site in February; we have some hopefully easy passes left to do for editing before it’s ready to go to print. We are working hard at getting the third book edited, and when it’s ready, we will launch the Kickstarter, currently scheduled for end of summer. At that point, the whole trilogy will be available (for those who don’t already have the first two books), plus some merch (yay, merch!).

Editing is HARD, folks, and my brain makes it harder on me than it should be I suspect. These books are also ridiculously long (like the trilogy together is ~500k), so each one takes a long time to get through. It’ll happen. Sometimes we just need to regroup, y’know?

Set up for self-publishing and publish Finding Their Roots.

Done! Well, mostly. FTR is available at ebook through wide distribution, and the hardcover is available on Amazon. I struggled with the PoD paperback from D2D and still need to get that fixed (it’s a Q1 goal right now). Are you interested in reading a fluffy romance about camping, hiking, magic, and amnesia, with a background werewolf pack? Here’s a page full of links where you can buy it.

Be more present on social media and blog regularly.

I was way better about this at the start of the year. Some days I blurt all over Mastodon/Bluesky/Facebook, and most days I’m quiet. I have some concrete ideas how to do better. 

I did start using Buffer, which the free version allows me to post to three sites (see the three I just mentioned). I don’t really have the budget to pay to get cross-posting for other sites at this point, unfortunately. It would certainly make my life easier!

Work towards drafts of the next PHU (Run Together) and 7Lakes (Bound by Denial).

I did work towards them. I didn’t get very far. However, the overall planning is partly done, the outlines are partly done, and both have a few actual words written for them. So. I made progress.

I did learn that editing breaks my brain, and spent a lot of time at the end of the year figuring out how to get around that and be able to write and edit at the same time. Maybe. If I’m lucky.

Work on other original and fic when I could.

No fic happened; this is likely not a surprise. There are a lot of reasons for that, and it could fill a post, so I’m not going there right now.

However, I did completely rewrite a short story and then sold “A Bright and Clouded Future” to the Yay! All Queer anthology from Inkd Publishing. Yes, you can buy it. :)

For health & family I said I would…

Work out 2-3 times per week, continue with Wegovy/eating habits, and do more meal prep for myself and my parents.

Well. I managed the workouts; even when on vacation, we were very active and walked a LOT. I kept moving. I kept up with the Wegovy, but I’m plateaued and frustrated, which is to be expected. I am trying to stay healthy for eating, but when we only get to cook dinner a few times a week, it’s rough.

I didn’t supply as many meals to my parents as I would’ve liked. 

Start planning ahead to retirement.

I’m on track. I’ve been making plans both at home and at work. And now I’m adding in the plans for well, what if I can’t retire when I want to? Because with the way things are going, it’s certainly possible that in four years there will be too much chaos. So. I will roll with the punches.

Be more present for found family and family.

I tried. I often felt like I was being pulled in so damned many directions. I am too busy and need to figure out ways to cut back, but that hasn’t been working out.

For consumption of media, I planned to…

Read 52 books. See 12 movies. See 12 shows.

Done, done, and done. I read 127 books & manga. Want to compare notes? I made a list challenge thingy, so you can see how many of these you’ve read (ever, not just in the last year). I watched 29 movies, mixed between in theater and streaming at home. I saw 13 plays, 1 comedy show, and 1 concert.

Did I mention I was busy? I was very busy.

So, that’s 2024 in review. I both feel like I didn’t get anywhere, and like I got a lot done, all at the same time.

I spent a large part of the latter half of 2024 in a funk, and I knew I needed to change how I was working and how I thought about things in order to move forward. So my planning for 2025 is a little different.

[Side point: do you know how hard it is to write a post when a cat insists that the only possible activity in this moment is petting her as she climbs on your chest? Yes, yes, I do know this… she’s napping and snoring now, so I can get back to the typing…]

For 2025, I have two sets of goals: habits and goals for the whole year, and quarterly more specific tasks set with the intent of achieving the goals for the year.

Goals for the whole year…

write 100 words a day

test "write before edit" approach

pre-order/fulfill Missed Fortunes

Kickstarter/fulfill Into the Split (plus others)

set up photography business

attempt to do in-person markets (photography, books)

TKD 2-3 times per week

walk/elliptical 10 times per month

read 52 books

see 12 movies

see 12 plays/concerts/shows

That’s a lot. Some of it is exactly the same as last year. Some of it isn’t entirely under my control (the publication of MF & ITS).

You’ll notice “draft a new book” isn’t on that list. It isn’t NOT in my plans, but it’s not a concrete finite goal for the year, either. It’s a goal that will be adapted as I go. There are also a lot of household things not on the list, and some habits that I’m going to figure out what works over the course of the year (like “blog twice a month”—things like that).

I have some concrete goals for the first quarter, all of which are in support of other goals.

Complete edits for Missed Fortunes and advertise/etc. for the February pre-order.

Edit Into the Split through “chapter” (arc) 7.

Outline the next PHU novel RT through chapter 15, and draft through chapter 5.

Outline the next 7Lakes novel BBD through chapter 15, and draft through chapter 5.

Fix the print edition of FTR so it is properly available via wide distribution PoD.

Blog twice per month.

Complete monthly newsletters.

Edit photos and order materials (cards, etc.) for vending.

Set up my business (for both publishing and photography) and taxes, etc.

Swap the exercise and family rooms in my house.

Deliver my eldest’s things in storage to her house (and out of mine!).

Redesign my craft area (eldest is going to help).

I have trackers in my bullet journal to help me see what’s working, and what isn’t. That will help me plan for the second quarter. I’m hoping that taking this approach—relearning how I work once publishing is in the mix—will help me be more productive, and far healthier mentally, going forward.

This also means I’ll need to do check-ins at the start of each quarter to assess how I did, and set the new quarterly goals. So expect to see me again on this topic at the start of April.

[thelostbaystudio]

Hey folks,

the pre-launch KS page of OUTER RIM: UPRISING is live! ORU is a bundle for the sci-fi survival horror RPG Mothership. The bundle is packed with 15+ 100% original entries from seasoned indie Mothership designers. All items are 1 Edition (which means the new one!) compatible. Below is some info on the bundle and pics of some entries.

OrU builds a huge setting, at the fringes of the galaxy, where corrupt corps fight rebel factions. Each item of the bundle can be used independently, but the items are also tied together by a common implied setting, sharing NPCs, story lines etc. A Campaign Handbook acts as the connective tissue of the bundle: adding factions, procedures, locations etc.

Half of the bundle items are written in a system neutral way, and can be used with any RPG.

We've just ignited the pre-launch page here https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/thelostbay/outer-rim-uprising, if you dig the project give it a follow, as indie publishers it means a hell of lot to receive the community support.

About this, if you are a blogger, streamer, podcaster and want to talk about this, see drafts or organize an actual play please reach out we'd be happy to help.

Below are some details on a couple of entries, they are sick!

The Hunger in Achernar, zine by D. Kenny (designer of Nirvana on fire)

Survive the void-haunted halls of a cursed derelict; solve the mystery of a missing ship, an experimental hyperdrive test, and a cultist plot; or save the galaxy from a taint leaking through a crack in the universe. Choose one in “The Hunger in Achernar”, a MOTHERSHIP RPG adventure.

BLINK, zine by David Blandy (designer of Eco MOFOS!)

In this short guide to faster-than-light travel, we’ll show you how to bring the mind-bending possibilities of instantaneous jumping between two distant points in space to your game.

Rusted to the Core, zine by Chris Airiau

The androids on Poe-V Station are on strike. Descend through the gas giant’s toxic clouds to uncover how the source of this disruption goes deeper than worker mistreatment. A faction-based adventure.

Surviving Machine parts, zine by Zach Hazard Vaupen

Out in the fringes of the system, a type of cybernetic implants called Machine Parts are popular with those who are savvy enough to find and afford them. Commonly made with recalled corpo tech and stolen military/alien technology, these implants are highly illegal and especially dangerous. This document covers 12 different Machine Parts and their consequences. Can you survive Machine Parts?

Sentience Assessment Procedure, player facing accessory, by Nyhur (Alien Armory) and IKO

SAP cutting-edge, neuro-semantic analysis technology allows management, officials, and security personnel to perform human/android triage effectively. SAP toolkit is portable, works in any-G environment, and can also be performed remotely.

Outer Rim: Uprising Campaign Handbook, zine by all the designers of the bundle

The connective tissue of the bundle

I'll stop here :) that's roughly one third of the items included in the bundle, I'll share more info in the next few weeks

Give it a follow here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/thelostbay/outer-rim-uprising

[welcometophu]

...there will be another book, I'm just slow...

Y'all deserve a bit of a quickie update on what's happening in the world of Welcome to PHU.

Yes, we've been on hiatus from new material for a couple of years. This has been in large part due to my brain being taken over by editing as we prepare the first trilogy (Twinned, which includes Commit to the Kick, Missed Fortunes, and Into the Split) for publication from Duck Prints Press. CttK is out and available. I'm starting second round edits on MF. I completed some major pre-first-round edits for ITS and that's in my editor's hands now. So. That's been a lot.

BUT.

I've outlined about the first third or so of the next book, Run Together, which is the story of Nate, Cass, and Dax hitting the road to find Cass's sister (and other things :D). I'm starting to draft (because I outline as I go--yes, I'm a plantser). I swear, we WILL be getting this book posting within the next six months. I hope. I am planning. I am TRYING.

Anyway.

Watch this space for more updates about RT, and to hear when the Twinned trilogy is up on Kickstarter and after that, available for purchase from DPP. 

PHU is only resting, not gone. <3 Thank you for being here.

[reneesbooks]

wip intro/masterpost - the raedoran cycle

hi hello here it is. my baby.

genre: fantasy

pov: third person limited, with various narrators throughout

status: a series of 4 novels/stories, in various states of drafting

summary: in one night, Raedora is thrown into chaos. the royal librarian murders the queen and her youngest daughter with magic and flees, leaving behind the king and the crown princess to pick up the pieces. the princess spirals slowly into madness as her sworn shield tries to save her, terrified of her dead sister's prophecy.

two thieves in the capital set their sights on the crown jewels after attending the queen's coronation. but when one gets a little too reckless and catches the attention of the Mad Dog of Morbhard, their plans quickly go off the rails.

when their parents are killed in the Dragon Purges, two shapeshifters must hide amongst their killers to survive. one, a talented healer, tries to build a life that will be safe for them, but her little brother has his sights set on avenging their parents by murdering the queen that ordered their deaths.

a young witch is raised alone by her father, always in hiding, with strange dreams and visions of the future. when he dies of an illness even her magic can't heal, she must strike out on her own, searching for answers to the prophecy that has followed her for her whole life.

tag: the raedoran cycle

so originally this was one novel following multiple characters, but thanks to a minor plot bunny that greatly spiraled out of control (lacuna) it has become something much more. many of the four novels' events occur simultaneously, with their stories overlapping and intertwining as the character's lives do the same.

the knight of lacuna lake

Keelan: baby boy war criminal. he narrates the story as he tries to save Maura from herself.

Maura: the golden queen of Raedora. she lost half her family in 1 night and handed it incredibly well all things considered (no she didn't)

status: first draft finished(!!), shelved while it marinates and i work on the rest of the cycle. likely going to come back and edit it at some point but for now it is what it is

tag: lacuna

the thieves of morbhard

Arthur: master lockpick and ball of anxiety. he narrates his attempts to get Jack to notice him while also trying to steal the crown jewels.

Jack: cursed damned street rat. born on the night of the triple new moon and condemned to a life on the streets, he's got his sights set on stealing enough to get both him and Arthur out of Morbhard for good.

status: just barely starting to draft. fully outlined.

tag: thieves

the dragons of kiltide

Emilia: the only voice of reason around here. a talented healer fighting to protect her baby brother from both the persecution they face in their homeland and the Purges that killed their parents.

Fabin: teenage ball of rage. his parents died in front of him when he was 13 and he has been supremely chill about it since then and doesn't everybody sleep with their sword under their bed?

status: outlining with the occasional scene.

tag: dragons

the witch of the west

Birdie: a talented witch born under and blessed by the full silver moon. raised by her father in the woods after fleeing the witch trials, she is determined to understand and fulfill her prophecy. her strange dreams of dragons, thieves, and knights lead her to a search for the people who she believes will help her in her journey.

status: it's complicated. this where all the original material lives for the most part so it's outlined(sort of??) and i've been writing scenes for it but idk what the actual timeline of events is and i've changed a LOT since i started. so it's a frankendraft mess. we'll get there eventually.

tag: the witch

and that's it! that's my baby! i think about Them a lot these days.

taglist: ask to be added <3 @k--havok @theharpywrites @oh-no-another-idea @space-writes @lyssa-ink

links:

lacuna wip intro/masterpost

salt and brine (pre-cycle story about side characters)

comic sans intro (silly)

i will add more as things get posted but for now you can find everything for each story/character through the linked tags up above. i am always available to scream about my children :)

[amaiguri]

The WIP Questionaire

Thanks so so much from @verba-writing for the tag! I had such a fun time reading your answers too and I'm very excited for paranormal romance 😍

I feel like I wanna flag that a lot of my answers are very anime/gaming-sphere oriented and I hope I'm not totally alienating my mutuals by revealing just HOW MUCH I'm not a book person lololol But this is with what we're working:

The Questions are:

1. What was the first part of your wip that you created?

The very first thing I made was the high premise: It was synthesized from the Overly Sarcastic Productions question "What if all the Kings Under the Mountain came back...?" and then I added the context "...in a Nuclear Crisis to discuss piece?" And in my head, it was this HBO-style modern fantasy Game of Thrones meets West Wing type deal. But then... I didn't want to write the modern piece. (The modern piece should be written by people in countries from all over Europe about what it means to be a hero in various cultures.)

So I set it in 1800s fantasy world instead!

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

The first arc would be Dance in the Game by Zaq

The second arc would be Lacrimosa by Kalafina

The Gods' Arc would be Paper Boquet by Mili

3. Who are your favourite characters you've made? Why?

Is it to cliché to be like "my current self-insert protagonist is my favorite character I've ever made"? Her and my antagonist are just THE BEST and I love them.

4. What other pieces of media do you think would share a fan base for your story?

Mmm, I think Untitled Yssaia Game's story would appeal to queer Game of Thrones fans who could FEEL the straightness in GoT, especially if they also like anime. I would hope I could get general anime fans as well as Arcane and Genshin Impact fans, but I feel like those are too mainstream and Yssaia is not. Realistically, I think I'm gonna get the Wadanohara people and the Ib people and, if I get really lucky, the To the Moon people.

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your wip?

Marketing lol -- explaining what it is to people in a way that they realize they want it.

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

Fuafua ��🥺🥺

Look at her! She is a six-legged, six-eyed slug cat called a Maret. Marets fill the same role as ocelots in Yssaia, except they're more semi-aquatic like otters and their skin has a stressball-like texture.

7. How do your characters get around? (ex: trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

They walk or ride Rumateurs (which are alpaca-like beings with ossicones) or take ships or airships or trains. I don't like writing about travel that much though so it is a background element.

8. What part of your wip are you working on rn?

I am pre-editing the first arc for my alpha readers and the third arc has another 50k to 100k words to draft. We're at like 250k words total right now and it is so unwieldy 😭😭😭

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe?) of your wip do you think will draw people in?

Oh, I have a convenient graphic for this. Hang on...

10. What are your hopes for your wip?

I was just diatribing about this earlier but the DREAM is to turn it into an RPGmaker adventure game and have it go viral and make a million bucks off it. I'd love to be the next Undertale but it'll never happen because I am not positioned to be the next Undertale, you know?

So yeah, that's what's what! Thanks again for the ask! This was so fun! I'm gonna pass this to @maiemorrae, @moonfeatherblue, @zebee-nyx, @winterandwords, @modernwritercraft, @words-after-midnight, @spideronthesun, @theprissythumbelina, @thepanplate, @thetruearchmagos, @maskedemerald, @moondust-bard, @pluttskutt and @emelkae 😍😍😍 I actually internalized Verba's WIP so well from this tag and I wanna make sure I'm updated on what all you cool people are working on! Open tag to any of my other moots too! 🥳

IMPORTANTTTTT⚠️

I will edit this to have a blank easily copy-and-pasteable question section when I get back to my computer. If I forget, @ me!

[kennedyslvr]

YOU'RE THE CLOSEST TO HEAVEN (THAT I'LL EVER BE) — CHAPTER 21 (AO3)

hey, everyone! happy update day! i'm excited to finally say that i did a few little formatting things for this fic. first, it now has a specified end point in terms of chapters (37—i've been pre drafting chapters to be edited later and 37 is the end point). as well as that, i put it into a specified series on ao3 since i plan to write more fics following that story, so u can now sub to the series if u wanna to keep updated! third, just ironing out the tags, including smut tags and warnings.

as always—what you see here is just a snippet. read the whole chapter here on ao3.

next update coming thursday! get excited :3

“Dee?”

Ashley squeaked slightly as Dee suddenly hit the ground. Ashley leapt in first, attempting to catch her or soften the blow. I heard the soft thud as she fell against the plush carpet, and my heart went still.

Fuck.

“Leon—her arm!”

I stood frozen. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. All I could do was stand there, staring at the crumpled figure of Dee unconscious on the floor, blood darkening the carpet as it oozed out of her arm. Skin clammy with sweat, her hair covering her face.

My heart fell into my stomach, and my stomach fell out of my ass. My ears were ringing, and all I could hear was that piercing scream—her scream. She had told me she was okay. I had wanted to run to her, but I couldn't abandon Ashley—we were also being chased by a pack of hounds, and a few zealots.

“Leon—” I blinked back to reality to see Ashley positioned on her knees in front of Dee’s unconscious body. Ashley looked pale as a ghost, her eyes watery with tears. “Leon, do something.”

Ashley was waiting for me.

I moved, that first step feeling like dragging a ten-ton weight behind me. I heard that scream again, getting farther away this time. I dropped down onto my knees on Dee’s other side and placed my hands on her shoulders to turn her gently.

Dark tendrils of sweat-soaked hair clung to her face, which Ashley graciously pushed out of the way as I looked down at Dee’s closed eyes. Dark eyelashes splayed against her cheeks, and as I lifted a hand to her skin, she felt cold and clammy.

Fuck..

I looked down at her arm, nearly being sick at the sight of it. She had a bite mark that spanned the entirety of her right forearm, from elbow to wrist. Deep gashes drag down her ivory skin, making the punctures jagged. I can see right through to bone, her skin tissue sliced through.

Bile rose in my throat. My hand clenched into a fist, and I ignored the feeling of pain that winced in my bandaged fist as I smacked it to the floor. “Fuck.” I muttered, then louder—“Fuck!”

I jumped into action as fast as I could, my heart pulsing adrenaline through my body. No. Not like this. I’m not losing her like this. My hands scrambled over her tactical belt, looking for something—anything—that would help her.

Nothing. She had used her medical supplies on me. I wanted to yell again, to punch something hard. My fist pounded the floor again, and I briefly saw Ashley flinch in my peripheral vision. She began to tremble again like a leaf caught in a storm, her eyes flicking between me, barely containing my anguish, and her, the cause of it.

Be calm, Leon. You’re scaring her.

I took a deep, calming breath through my nose. “Ashley.” I did my best to hide the grit in my tone, but it was a worthless attempt. That growl burned in my throat like a permanent brand, no matter how much I tried to swallow it down.

Ashley looked over at me with the widest eyes that made my heart clench. Fuck. This can’t be happening.

“Go look for some supplies.” I didn't want to send Ashley away in this unknown castle, but I didn't have much of a choice. Dee was losing blood fast, and her bandages were currently on my hand, covering up a wound that still burned but I hardly noticed it, not when Dee was in front of me on Death’s door.

In my peripheral vision I could already see that lingering smoke of the reaper, that dark cloak and his scythe glinting in the light of the chandeliers. The bony finger crooking out, searching for her soul, that spirit.

“Okay.” Ashley got up, running to try every door in this hall, opening up every drawer and cupboard.

“I can’t find anything!”

“Keep looking! There has to be something!”

That familiar voice echoed in my head again.

She’s dead. She won't survive without you. She’s dead. You sent her to her death.

[unending-vigil]

just finished the first draft of laurels ch4!! its a fairly short one (as of right now), but i actually already know what i'm doing for ch5 - i don't think i'll make it a double update, but with some luck i'll have it posted before my first exam for uni!

[xxnashiraxx]

for the fic writer questions: 2, 14, 29, 39, 43, 54, 72! ❤️❤️

Thank you for asking, my love 🖤🖤🖤 You can find the original post here!

2. Do You Plan Each Chapter Ahead or Write as You Go?

Look, I'm not really a "details" person, lol. I have always been shit at planning, which usually turns out to be my Achilles heel. I've gotten really lucky with this story- I've outlined the very basics and noted down key events and plots I'd like to unfold and write during the duration, but mostly I've just started and not stopped writing- thank god this game has quests or I'd be dead in the water. I work around the natural progression of the game, toss in some tropes and silly little things and dialogue, and hope it all works out, and so far it's done just that! I will say this is the most organized I've ever been in writing, and I'm really pleased with what I've done so far- this is the best work I've ever done, and I'm really proud of it. 🖤

14. How Do You Write Emotional Scenes? Do You Ever Feel What the Characters Feel? Do You Draw From Personal Experiences?

I love writing emotional scenes, they can be gut wrenching or joyful and I like to try and emulate what I'd feel when the characters I'm writing about are experiencing those things. I have a lot of angst history, unfortunately, but that's been great in helping me realize what happens to me when I go through those feelings. I like to touch on the senses- smell, sight, sound, touch, all of that. I try to immerse myself in it all like how a panic attack can leave you scattered and how your chest feels tight and that there's not enough breath in your lungs, or how a kiss can make you feel like there are butterflies in your stomach (cliche, but hey it happens) alongside the less glamorous descriptions of sweating profusely and feeling like everything is on fire. Emotional scenes weren't always my strong suit, but I've never looked at them through the lens of how I would feel in that moment, and doing so has really helped me improve.

29. What's Your Revision or Editing Process Like?

This is also pretty scattered! I was smart enough this time around to plan out my fic before I started writing, and in doing so, I spent April to the end of July of this year writing out nearly all of Act 1 for my fic without posting or uploading anything. Now that we're in October, I'm nearing the end of everything I've written, and up until this point, I've taken the week between chapter postings to polish and tweak the third drafts of all the chapters (that had already gone under extensive editing during those 4 months) and sometimes re-write things entirely. It's taken a lot of my free time, hence my shift to an every-other-week release, and as I finish posting all my pre-done material, I will now be writing a chapter the first week and going through edits the second week before posting. I don't plan on burning out, but there's always the chance the release schedule could shift again to accommodate more for my time and best work. 😊

39. Share a Snipper from a WIP.

Aww, I simply cannot resist 🖤 Have some angsty Chapter 12 from With Stars to Fill My Dream stuff since all the snippets I've been posting this month have been horny, lol.

He holds her until she yawns and he guides her back to her tent, a soft trembling laugh tickling his ear when she stumbles over her bedroll. He sits next to her as she gets tucked in, long hair fanned out around her flushed face, while some savage creature tears and gnashes at his chest from within. “Astarion?” “Hmm?” “Sorry about earlier.” He peers into her eyes, watching them grow foggy. “When, darling?” “In the windmill. I… it was really silly of me. I didn’t know how you felt, and I let that… uhh… word? Get in the way? I guess…” She laughs and there’s amusement in her eyes, the alcohol slurring her words. “Anyway, I usually don’t fall for people this fast, I just didn’t want to mess up what was going on between us with my feelings. You just want sex, though, so I don’t have to worry about those anymore.” Oh. He should leave before she reveals any more secrets she intends to keep. Yet… he can’t help wanting to hear them. Part of him wants them like he wants power, like he wants leverage. The other… lingers on the fall-for-people line, the words stuck behind his eyes as she looks at him and continues on. “But we can't do that. I'm sorry that I can't tell you yes,” She smiles, too far gone to realize she should probably shut her mouth. “I misunderstood big time, but I promise I don’t feel that way anymore. You don't want me that way, so we're just friends. We'll never be anything else...” She closes her eyes, exhale shaking out of her lungs with a weary rattle. He sits until her breathing evens and stares at her, odd warring emotions unfolding beneath his ribs. He's confused- confused at what she said, at what she meant, at why she sounded like she was hiding the truth away from him as she spoke, and perhaps even from herself... The creature savages it all, making him finally tear his eyes away. Before he can stop himself he leans down, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, before leaving and disappearing into the night.

43. Do You Take A Sadistic Joy in Whumping Your Characters, or Are You More the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" Kind of Person?

Kind of both, lol. I love making them all stupid and broken and then healing them and taking that all away- it's really very cruel, but I'll be damned if they get too comfortable. I would love to take mercy on them, but I'm not a merciful god. :(

54. What's Your Favorite Part About the Fanfiction Writing Process?

I just love thinking of how I could give more depth to situations that I felt could have used it, or grow bonds between characters where I saw a lack of before. I love the imaging part- I usually do this with a bit of music (which, fun fact, is the only reason I'm writing my long fic, thank you Crazy on You by Heart) and I sit and immerse myself in the sounds and lyrics as I think about how they could apply to the situation I'm thinking about and it all comes together. I've planned many scenes in my writing this way and gotten inspiration from them. 🖤

72. What Order Do You Write In? Front of Book to Back? Chronological Favorite Scenes First? Something Else?

I sit at my desk and just go at it, man. I have that loose plan, those key scenes in mind, and I try to fill the gaps in between! I always try to stick to chronological order and go from there, but there have been a few times I've written out a future scene and I love coming up on them when I hit that point only to take a wrecking ball to them sometimes, but at least I had the bones to start and that really helps. 💗💗💗

Thank you for asking, again! I really love doing things like this 🖤🖤

[comfortlesshurt]

August 2024 Plans!

Hello again, and I am sorry to tell most of you, I am still only obsessed with Voltron. That being said, here are my plans for Keith for this month.

General Goals:

Newly published word count: 5,071/10,000

Have total VLD published WC surpass Spider-Man: 48,364/100,258 (I'm not calling this a failed goal! I never planned to publish 50k+ in a single month, to be clear. This is a long-term goal that I'm hoping to hit in 2025.)

Test new weekly writing schedule: my choice of any three weekdays from 6pm to 9pm and any one weekend day from waking up to going to bed (with short breaks as needed). Possible exceptions on the weekend hours during any pre-planned social events because I'm too good at isolating myself already. Schedule TBD during work travel but will be much less for those times unless I can get comfy writing in-flight lmao.

Bonus uncontrollable achievement for funsies: 250k total hits on AO3 (starting the month around 244k)

Augusnippets:

All are drafted because I overachieved last month

Publish 15 total snippets

Posting out of order because all my fills take place in one series, and it was more important to me to get the series order right than the challenge order

Currently working on c*mm*ssioning art for this story!

Bingo prompts:

Finish and publish at least one more bingo prompt this month (I'm open to requests for Keith!)

One request received! (Working on outlining it and expecting to draft and publish this month)

40k in 42 Days:

Drafted word count (not necessarily published like the goal in general goals)

Start 8/4

Complete by 9/14 (On track to achieve this one!)

Probably major focus on LTS(LTFH), but I'm counting all drafted words during this time period

(My Write Club linked above! Feel free to friend if you're participating in this or if you use it at all.)

LTS(LTFH):

Cleaned these goals up a little mid-month!

Finish full outline for fic 1

Continue drafting fic 1: 35% of 100k goal

Draft what I know of fic 2: 30% of 50k goal (with focus on events surrounding Augusnippets fills until I finish final fic 1 details)

Draft fic 0 (<5k prequel to provide background on a certain event)

Continue fine outlining fics 2 through 4 as new plot points are decided in fic 1

Incorporate feedback from Augusnippets for characterization/events

Refine expected publish date at end of August (starting August expecting fic 1 to be drafted and edited for continuity errors by end of December 2024; expecting to complete technical editing chapter by chapter to start a weekly posting schedule in January 2025)

Prep for next month:

Resist the urge to take on any September writing challenges

Filter through my published list and rank works by how much they need a solid round of editing (I'm hoping to edit everything next month, but I'll be prioritizing in case I can't get through it all.)

Longer term:

I don't know where I'll be in six months, obviously. These are loose plans, subject to adjustment.

August 2024 - LTS(LTFH) focus

September 2024 - edit existing works & draft LTS(LTFH)

October 2024 - possibly Whumptober (possibly LTS(LTFH) instead)

November 2024 - NaNoWriMo (I'm now 90% sure I'll be focusing on the third chapter fic in LTS(LTFH) for this project)

December 2024 - back to editing, focusing on unpublished works

January 2025 - begin publishing fic 1 of the big series; continue drafting fic 2

[mobolanz]

7, 12 & 18 for the oc asks 💓

Ty Em (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡💞💞💕

7. Have any of your OCs gone through major revisions in the year 2023?

Shocking reveal up until last April Evelyn used to look like this 🤧

Ultimately her eyes and hair swapped xD

I do kinda still love this pallette I need to reuse it with someone else maybe. Cecille considering they were sisters in early drafts during the attempt to insert Evelyn in bnha? Idk.

Then one day , year and two months into shipping her with Reiner, I was like "WAIT WHO TF IN AOT EVEN HAS BLUE HAIR OR DRESSES LIKE THAT MAYBE THAT'S WHY I'M UNINSPIRED ON ART IT FEELS UNNATURAL- " (no Rico doesn't count mappa made her blonde anyway)

I had 3 options between Auburn (low-key could work?) , blonde (nahhh she'd have looked like hisj clone xP) , and scarlet that ultimately won for me. ( and thematically one that makes most sense 🍎🩸🤧)

Nowdays you have this absolute beauty, and she's even got a pre-timeskip design! 🥰🥰🥰

It got extremely long to show it's been 4 years....

Someone else too let me see... I feel like next ask would expand on it 😳😳

12. Were any of your older OCs revived in 2023?

Almost. Were late 2022 to count I'd have answered with Kaguya & Kira (my secondary AOT & BNHA ocs). But that said might need to look into their cases again for this year since it's been a while and I had major steps with the others meanwhile. Like I said with Evelyn's previous blue hair,,, I'll need to do something with kaguya but still have her recognizeable BC I'm sentimental 😆 but otherwise Mia & Evelyn were the ones for the 2023 spotligh-...

Silly me, as I type this I remember Towa during my sailor moon s1 rewatch 🤭 who underwent her third name change (kiyo in 2018 (it was from before i watched fruba i swear- )> Rei in 2019 until that point when i realized i want to insert her in the sm universe anddd can't have her share name with an already existing character xD and ber hair was brown/black. > Towa by now) .

her current characterization from what i wrote down is giving her more of a challenge with it being how she's precieved as dull and invisible for granted , being reserved and thinking it's natural and only logical. Until,,, whoops. She also reveals a more cynical curious and snarky to her.

And also my third character attempt to ship with nephrite. Mia was first edgy attempt in 2016( or maybe I'm too harsh. I was a teen in bad place and the only person I shared with was kinda toxic about it) . Evelyn was the second in 2019,( not talking about this one because really.... nothing came there xD bbygirl underwent about 5 ships before I figured who her true love really is (🛡️🍎) I think and glad it's him 😆😆😆)

What were your biggest inspirations for developing your OCs in 2023?

Answered it here ^^ 🤧

oc wrapped: 2023 edition!

[thelongestway]

Well! And now story two is officially drafted! I generally don't like naming my stories for songs (and I don't know if I will have a chapter naming scheme for this one yet), but for now, this story is called "Formless and Vanquished We Shall Travel."

What's next? A break, hopefully one or two weeks, during which I will do the edit and make a second masterpost, continuing with posting the cycle of stories on AO3 and doing a lot of pre-writing that I need for the third story. After that, there's a skip to after System Collapse, and... Story three. I mean, SecUnit did ask ART where they were going next in TMBD book 7, right?

As of right now, I plan four stories in the cycle, but the fourth is going to be heavily dependent on the largely mapped out third story, so we'll see how that goes in reality.

Before all that, though... The final chapter.

Chapter 15

The SecUnit disembarked on the next transit station Dandelion visited. It never said if it liked Super SecUnit Defender or not, but it did send this Friend an archive named least_realistic_shows_good before it left.

The refugees considered their options and eventually chose a social support center located several jumps away that the Friend had recommended. It was not curated by the Friends specifically, but at least some years ago it was still a good place to get back on one's feet. This Friend did not see much of them, intimidated as they were by the nearly empty ship inhabited only by an impassive bot pilot and a heavily armed soldier. They disembarked after stilted goodbyes.

With respect to itself, this Friend gave Captain Reed a choice of drop point and received the curt reply, Provided you maintain current behavior, even the furthest drop point from BreharWallHan is not a problem.

After some discussion, the Friend and Dandelion agreed that the furthest drop point would indeed be the least likely to lead this Friend's pursuants to more of the Friends, and the several months of forced idleness on board were a lesser price to pay than the potential tail. The Friend took the option as provided. As thanks, it sent the Captain a second list of contact points, titled with the customary "In the hope this list is never needed, in the knowledge that the Friends' work will never be done."

A day later, this Friend received a return message, which contained the formal text of the judgment Captain Reed had rendered. It had one clause amended: while the Friend was still to be made known to Arborea Cosmica ships and stations as a potential hostile actor, it would be granted leniency if it came aboard in time of great need or under invitation so long as it did no harm to ship, station or crew. The message appended read: "There are few enough hands on deck to remove a pair needlessly. Captain Reed and Ship Dandelion, Tenacious Cluster."

Regardless of the letter, it seemed the Tenacious cluster did not need its hands all that much. After a few days of recovery, this Friend requested that Dandelion use it as she saw fit, but all she answered was, "Despite the amendment, you are still a prisoner for now, Friend. Giving you useful things to do would not constitute much of a punishment."

It couldn't argue with that logic, and consigned itself to doing only preparatory work for its own missions.

But then she continued: "We have conferred, however, and decided keeping you in full solitary confinement would be inhumane. Additionally, you have access to Greenhouse Ring 4, whereas most of the crew will not while you are here. If you help with maintaining it, that will be appreciated by our gardeners. No more than four hours a day."

This was how this Friend found itself in the strangest section of a ship it had ever seen, surrounded by plants it had no names for. It weeded bright green flowers under trees whose leaves whispered even when there was no artificial wind or rain cycling the air, and it cleared a small pond of other tiny green aquatic plants. On one occasion, it found folded paper flowers left on a flat stone near the pond. It left the flowers alone and watched them dissolve under the artificial rain over the course of several days. And then there were the animals. Largely self-sufficient, they did require the occasional check in.

It did not have much else to do save recover its good physical shape and fix some equipment from spare parts Dandelion provided. Now that Iceblink could maintain closer contact with Rim stations, they were also getting news bursts, which Dandelion sent to it upon request over the feed--it found its wider terminal access cut off again, even though it could still be used for basic data processing--and the Friend used the information to consider possible next operations. Provided some pressing need did not rear its head first, it was more likely its next destination would be decided after (or if) it came into contact with the Friends, but it was always good to know the lay of the land in advance.

Perhaps a month into the journey, the Friend had been organizing data when it noticed its own terminal was now networked into three more. They were cut off by the same flimsy walls it had seen on its very first foray into the Tenacious' systems, with one entirely undefended. Back then, it had other targets, and paid terminals such as these no heed, but now these were the only things it could reach and it found its disused and sore muscles itching. But why give it access now? Had someone made a mistake?

It sighed and reported the problem to Dandelion. The answer came back immediately:

I see. Friend, you may consider that an invitation. Explore those terminals at your leisure.

And a test, the Friend noted. What would have happened had this Friend tried to exploit the weakness immediately?

Displeasure rippled through the feed, directed outwards.

A course of action I would not have elected were the decision mine, Dandelion said curtly. This ship has been through its own share of tests like that conducted by allied organizations and they have always been an utter waste of time. Still. The situation has been cleared up and the invitation stands.

The Friend agreed, so it sent a file to the unprotected terminal which only contained one string: Social engineering amateur hour.

A second string appeared moments later.

oh you are so on. out of respect for your dumb augmentation choices i won't be going full contact but everything else goes

This Friend found itself grinning.

Should this Friend throttle its processing speed as well? It asked. Out of respect for you tying one hand behind your back?

no. you go full contact. a pause, and then another string: we need the practice.

They had a need. The Friend could fill it. So it did.