#THIS IS MY B DAY GIFT TO MYSELF HHHHHHHHH

[killuaisaprincess]

part of your world

The loss of his voice isn’t a downside…

It’s a weapon in disguise. A good one. No one ever likes it when he speaks. Not his mind, not anything. The trade of his voice for freedom… the joy of a pair of human legs, something he always has wanted…

Easy choice.

Everything is so warm… and comforting. He keeps touching the fabric of his blue dress, again and again, giggling, although not a sound reaches the world, twirling around. It’s so soft, and not… wet and cold… and it’s cute… and it makes his heart soar, and- he feels confident almost… sort of cute…

He looks over himself in the mirror again, a wide smile on his face, as he plays with the large blue bow intermingled with his soft locks of wispy silver. He tugs it a few times, a slight pain shooting down his skull, but the tingles of joy outlast it.

He looks down and over at Gotoh, trying to communicate with his purple crab friend, spinning around.

Gotoh taps around the dresser, clearing his throat.

“You look quite stunning, Master Killua.”

Killua beams, picking him up and giving him a quick peck on the cheek, rushing out the door.

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“How’s it going? Is it going well?”

Zushi splashes up and down in the water, trying to get a glimpse of his friend.

“It’s going well, I believe.”

Gotoh feared the worse, but… seeing Killua so happy…

“I have never seen Master Killua so happy before.”

They must find a way to make it last.

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Not having a voice is a good thing. No one likes when he speaks… they might hate him if he does anyway… and Killua’s liked…

Liked spending time with Gon…

Gon took him in so quickly, literally sweeping him off his feet from a big ball of black… what’s the word? Fuzz?

Gon introduced it as Kon… and it seemed friendly…

Everyone seemed friendly… Mito, who helped dress him… Leorio, who seemed so keen on Gon getting married…

Gon was so warm, like the sun… his smile made him feel all safe, and… his arms were so powerful and comforting and-

If Killua had a voice, he would sigh…

“You look cute!”

Killua’s face goes red. His skin gets all clammy and hot, and he equates the feeling to a flickering flame…

He plays with the edges of his hair, wishing he had a dinglehopper, shaking his head furiously.

Gon laughs and holds his hand out for Killua to take.

Killua takes it, bathing in the warmth of it, still blushing, as Gon guides him along the path.

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Killua can’t wipe the smile off his face; there’s so much human stuff here! He eagerly runs around pointing out things to Gon, who likely has seen them every day of his life, but Killua can’t help it.

He almost falls into one of the merchant's displays, and Gon wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him back gently, and Killua turns around and looks up, puffing out his cheeks, pointing to the whole set of dinglehoppers.

Gon grins and removes his arm slowly, still lingering near Killua as he smiles dashingly at the merchant.

“I will take one set, please.”

Killua’s eyes go wide, and he grabs Gon’s arm in excitement, giddily hopping.

“Leorio won’t be happy with me, but…”

He takes the box from the man gently, going to put it in their wagon, climbing up the steps with ease, and offering Killua a hand to take, who readily takes it, stepping up and then jumping.

“Woah. Easy!”

Killua lands in Gon’s chest; feeling those weighted arms around his waist, breathing heavily, his heart skipping a beat, a pretty pink painting over his cheeks, as he looks up, lips parted and big blue eyes wide.

Gon’s cheeks flush, and he grins sheepishly, slowly dropping his arms to his side, taking Killua’s forearm gently and helping him sit down.

“You sure like forks, huh?”

Killua still feels warm, and he nods, not really getting what forks are.

“I’m the same!”

Killua looks over inquisitively as Gon pulls out a smaller box from the back of the wagon, brushing the wood off, and opening the small golden hatch.

Killua stares at the hooks, blinking.

“They’re fishing hooks; I like to collect them, even though I don’t fish.”

He takes one out and places it in Killua’s hand. It’s cold, familiar… and almost terrifying but oddly beautiful. Killua runs his finger over it stopping at the end and touching the sharp edge.

Pain.

It’s sharp and stinging, and Killua flinches, almost dropping it, panic flitting across his face. He doesn’t want to drop something precious to Gon.

“Careful!”

Gon’s voice is gentle, and he takes the hook from Killua rubbing the edge with his shirt, and putting it back, all but throwing the box to the side.

Confusing… Killua thought it meant a lot to Gon…

Gon takes his hand carefully and examines his finger, sighing in relief.

“You’ll be okay. I’ll wrap it up when we get back, okay? I just have one more place to go…”

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It’s amazing. Killua had never looked at the water from this angle before, although Gon called it a “pond,” whatever that meant…

He sits on the edge of the cobblestone stairs, smiling peacefully, looking back at Gon, who is staring at something that looks like an instrument, making Killua’s face fall.

He’s doing it again… Killua presses his fingers up to his throat, swallowing back tears.

Hanging out with Gon… Killua isn’t sure he can do it anymore. Force Gon to love him.

He wants Gon to be happy… if Gon isn’t happy with him… then…

Forget it. Even though… he wants to be a human. He loves it. Not… not…

Gon has this dreamy look once in a while, like he’s looking for someone else…

He can’t stop the warm tears that start to plop onto his cheeks. He can hear Gon gasp and feel him tense up when their shoulders brush together as he sits down.

“What’s wrong?”

Killua shakes his head, an unheard sob stuck in his throat, and he wipes tears away, looking over with a fake grin, a silent laugh leaving his lips.

He doesn’t want to lose this…

Gon’s eyes are so filled with distress, and Killua tries to will the tears away, looking out at the water, blinking back the burning, stinging sensation.

“It’s okay. Hey…”

Gon’s voice is gentle as he shimmies closer, pressing his fingers carefully against Killua’s shoulder blade.

Warm. It only makes him cry harder, an endless wave.

“Hey… here, hold your hands out.”

Gon gently takes his hands, and Killua’s breath hitches as silent as his sobs. Gon’s hands are much larger than his and warmer, and feel stronger… the rough surface and the lines and small bumps, blisters, calluses…

Gon pushes his hands out, and Killua stares wide-eyed and dumbfounded, little sparkling lights of fireflies dancing on the water.

One comes close to his hand and lands in his palm, and Gon gently clasps his hands together so he is holding it, the small refractors of light shining through.

“It’s pretty, right?”

Killua looks at it, tears slipping past his cheeks, nodding.

“Just like you.”

He gaps air leaving his lungs and his mouth falling open like the sound would reach the air, his ears burning, and his chest swelling.

Gon brushes his thumb against his cheek, wiping away a tear.

“So please don’t cry… uhh…”

Killua looks over and slowly lets the firefly go, gently poking Gon’s hand.

Gon gives him his full attention smiling softly.

“Yeah?”

Killua traces the letter K.

“K? Ohhh! I get it! Uhh, let’s seeee… Kevin…?”

Killua furrows his eyebrows, shaking his head in disgust.

I.

“Uhh, Kit?”

No…

Killua freezes, looking away; Gon stops guessing and pauses.

“What’s wrong?”

Killua shakes his head. He doesn’t like his name. His stomach drops, and he wishes he had never even started this dumb game.

Gon gently takes his hand like he’s a princess, and Killua peeks through his bangs.

“Hey. I’m sure your name is beautiful, just like you.”

Killua shakes his head and uses his other hand to trace the other letters furiously.

K. I. L. L. U. A.

“Killua?”

Killua turns away, visibly sighing, his shoulders dropping and head lowering.

“That is a pretty name!”

Huh…?

Liar!

Killua doesn’t believe him! B-but he sounds so genuine… he looks over shyly, playing with his hair.

Gon just smiles like he’s the whole world, genuinely.

“It’s pretty like you.”

The hair on Killua’s neck stands on end, his whole frame taut and blood rushing to his face, as he screams since it won’t reach anyone and buries his face in Gon’s chest, grabbing his arm.

Gon chuckles lightly, and it’s like the sound of bells in the air, and Killua shifts, smiling.

Just for now… he can enjoy this.