#THIS IS ANGSTY OH MY GOD. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D WRITE ANGST

[ginevrapng]

imagine spending months flirting with remus and he reciprocates but there is a slight age gap, not big enough for you to even think about or other people to think about but he overthinks it and worries he's too old for you, that you're 'wasting your youth' and you should be 'spending time with people your own age'. obviously you think it's rubbish but the thing about remus is he can be hypocritical, he says all this stuff but flirts with you anyway, it's very confusing.

one day he just snaps at you, you've been spending the night at 12 grimmauld place and everyone else has gone to bed, it's just you two and you flirt a bit, no more than usual and that's what shocks you so much at his outburst. "I'm not your boyfriend," he says coldly, in a tone that you've never heard him use directed at you before.

a shiver runs down your spine and you feel like all the warmth leave your body, you hated the way he just talked to you, dismissed you like that. after a moments silence you reply to him quietly, "i never thought you were."

"i never said it was your mistake," he mumbles back softer than before. he gets up from his chair and leaves the room without saying another word.

[mrm0rgansw0man]

hi !! can i have a more angsty arthur fic of the reader admiring him from afar and wanting to give him all the love he’s deserving of but feels she doesn’t have the chance to ? :)))) happy ending would be nice maybe arthur reads a note of hers !

god i love writing angst. LETS DO THISSS

hope you enjoy!! Xx @risingtripletaurus

I can let you down, I can make you Hurt.

Bitter, freezing cold. That was all you felt. Just the cold and the ache in your heart. Your whole chest ached, from the cold or from the emotions you were feeling you didn't know.

This whole Blackwater fucked up mess was just what you needed. You had already been struggling, being new to the gang and trying to help out and earn your keep. And, not only that, but Arthur Morgan hated you. You were sure of it, you had no clue what you did to offend him but just until right before this mess he started pulling away from you.

He was always friendlier with all the women of the camp, but you and him had taken a liking to each other. But one day, it just stopped. The hellos. The cups of coffee he'd bring you every morning. The shared cigarettes. The random talks, it was so nice. You'd be lying if you said you hadn't fallen for him. You though he could be falling for you too, but looks like you were wrong. You knew it was too good to be true.

"You're so down." Charles said simply. You looked up at him, not even having noticed he came into the cabin you had been sitting in.

"I can practically feel it in the air around you." He continued. Your eyes flit away from him and back to the floor. You watched a few snowflakes melt into your boots.

"Why do you care?" You asked quietly. "I'm sure you've got much better things to worry about than my problems."

Charles shrugged. "Just wanted you to know I'm here if you want to talk. I'm not doing much lately, cause of this hand. So I've noticed more."

Tears welled in your eyes. You blinked them away before you thought Charles could notice. But he still did.

"I've never seen you like this before. I'm worried about you, (Name)." Charles said. His voice more stern now. "Ask anyone, it feels like and looks like, no offense, that the life has been drained out of you."

"It's jus' the cold..." You mumbled. "I'm fine Charles.."

"You know, I was sitting in this cabin with you for hours. You didn't move once. You didn't even know I was here, did you? And Abigail came in to try and talk to you, but it was like you were in a whole different world."

Uh oh. Fuck. He's got you there. You didn't even know Charles had come in, let alone Abigail.

"Have you ever had to love someone from a distance Charles?" You asked weakly. You finally lifted your head enough to meet his eyes.

"No." Charles said with a sigh. "But I can't imagine it's a great feeling."

"It's not." You said with a sniffle. "Not at all."

"Can I ask who it is?" Charles asked you cautiously.

You let out a choked cry. You took a few deep shaky breaths, trying to keep yourself together. It was getting harder and harder by the second. God dammit Charles why do you have to care?

"Arthur." You whispered, wiping away the few tears that managed to escape your eyes. "It's Arthur."

Charles didn't say anything, he only nodded. So you kept talking.

"He was so kind to me when I first started riding with you. We got on real well too." You said, finally starting to weep. Who cares anyways? "I started falling for him. Quick and hard, and could you blame me?"

"No, I was convinced he was sweet on you." Charles admitted. Though all it did was send more tears floding out of your eyes.

"He'd bring me coffee in the mornings. We'd talk. He always said Hi to me at the very least when we crossed paths." You said softly. "And he made sure I was eatin'- I mean you know how I was when I first got here."

"Always sick and thin as paper." Charles said grimly, having been on of the few people that helped take care of you during that hard time.

"Neither of us sleep very well, he'd come find me or I'd go find him. We had such nice talks on those nights, he opened up to me. Like really, really opened up to me. And I opened up to him too." You continued, your cries becoming harder and your voice rising.

"I don't know what I did!" You cried. "But one day it all just stopped! He wouldn't talk to me, he hasn't even looked me in the eyes Charles! I don't know what's wrong with me! I just want to love him!"

"Oh (Name)..." Charles started, but you cut him off.

"He deserves so much Charles!" You sobbed. "He is such a good man, no matter what he says when he looks in the mirror! I just want to love him, he doesn't even need to love me back! Do you know how pathetic that is? How disgustingly pathetic I am to love him like this!?"

You inhaled and exhaled at a frantic pace, running your hands over your tear soaked face. It was too much. You couldn't breathe. You wrapped your arms around yout face and buried yourself in your knees. Charles rushed to your side, kneeling down next to you. He placed both his hands on your shoulders and just stayed there, giving you something to hang onto. Keeping you grounded.

You finally lifted your head and met Charles's eyes, only to find them already locked on you.

"I just want to love him. T-that is all I w-want." You managed to get out between sobs. "And now I've lost m-my chance! I can't keep going like this Charles! He's- he's been through so much. That poor man has suffered and s-suffered and I just want t-to make him feel like he deserves something!"

"Arthur-"

"Needs me! And I need him to need me because look how badly I need him! If he doesn't love me the-then what am I supposed to do?!"

You broke apart, sobbing harder than you were before. Probably harder than you have ever cried in your life. Charles caught you, and he wrapped his arms around you. He let you sob and scream into his chest until you couldn't breathe.

"I just want a chance I just want a chance! I want to know what I did wrong!" Was all you could say, over and over again. Charles rocked you back and fourth, letting you cry yourself out. It took at least an hour, but eventually your cries had lulled to a stop.

Once your breath had returned to normal, Charles spoke.

"I'm going to go get Miss Roberts and Miss Gaskill. They'll take care of you. I'm going to talk to Arthur, don't you worry about this for another second." Charles said soothingly. It was all you could do to nod a yes at him. He pulled away from you, but right as he was about to reach the door you called out for him.

"Why are you being so kind to me?" You asked horsely. Charles looked back at you and gave you a small smile.

"First of all, I like you. Quite a bit, your a good person (Name)." He said simply. "And secondly, you haven't moved from that spot for over a day and you haven't even noticed. Someone needed to do something."

And with that, he left. You sat in silence until Abigail and Mary-Beth showed up. They tried to talk with you but you didn't have the strength to even reply to them. They accepted this, and helped you to your room and laid you down in your cot.

You laid there for what felt like hours, completely lost in thought.

"Glad to see your feelin' better, Miss." Arthur said, handing you a tin cup filled with scalding hot coffee. You took it gratefully.

"Thank you, Mr. Morgan." You said with a smile. "I've got to say I'm liking your company more and more each morning you visit me."

"Oh don't be too flattered, your jus' the only one up as early as me." Arthur said with a smirk, playfully elbowing you in the side. You chucked and hoped Arthur didn't see the blush spreading across your face.

"Well a girl can dream!" You said, that same flirty smirk crossing your face.

"Arthur! I need to talk to you!" Dutch called.

Arthur groaned in annoyance. He turned to leave, but at the last moment he turned back. He grabbed your hand and squeezed it.

"Meet me at the campfire tonight. We never get t' talk without gettin' bothered." Arthur said. You nodded your head happily as he turned to leave, running of to do whatever the hell Dutch wanted him for.

You felt yourself smiling at the memory, even if it was just a weak one.

That night at the campfire was the first of many, you two met every night you could. And that was when you truly began to fall for Arthur, those nights by the burnt out campfire. The last night it happened, you told him about your life before joining the gang, and why you were so sick when you first arrived.

"No one in my family was right." You said with a deep sigh. "My daddy hung himself in our living room right before my mama had me. And since then she just never had any happy in her head."

"Jesus.." Arthur mumbled. "Was your Mama good t'you, at least?"

"Pfft, no!" You said with a laugh. You took another swig of whiskey from the bottle Arthur stole from Pearson for you. "Beat me halfway to hell every other day. I think she had some disease. Think I might have it too, honest to god."

"D'ya really think that?" Arthur asked, taking a swig of his own whiskey bottle.

"I jus' get so low sometimes.. Not enough happy in my own head." You said sadly. "Not something I can really help, but it happens. Part of the reason I was so sick when I first got here, that and being out in the elements."

"What a woman you are, Miss. (Name)!" Arthur said with a laugh. "Survivin' yer' Mama, survivin' runnin' away into the wild, and survivn' yourself!"

Arthur and you spent a lot of time talking about your past life that night, so much time you had finished that whole bottle of whiskey. Bittersweet tears filled your eyes as you remembered what happened next.

You stood up from the ground, and wobbled your way over Arthur and poked him in the chest.

"Tell me, Mr. Morgan!" You slurred. "What have you survivedddd?"

"Oh sweetheart, we ain't got time for that tonight." He said, shaking his head at your drunken boldness.

"Pleaseeee Arthurr??" You whined, a wrong step sending you tumbling down into his lap. He wrapped his arms around you instinctively, and you smiled happily. It was a giddy childlike smile that Arthur would never forget.

Arthur had no idea what possessed him to do so, but he gulped down the last of his whiskey and started talking.

"My mama died when I was real young..." Arthur said, his voice going quiet. "My daddy was a thief, a petty one at that.. Wasn't even a real father. He wasn't good t'me at all. The lawmen got him when I was jus' eleven."

" 'M so sorry Arthur..." You said, wrapping your arms around him and hugging him tight. He rested his chin on your head and returned the hug, god it was so nice to be held like this. To be able to feel freely.

Arthur had no clue why he was so drawn to you from the very start, but ever since he first laid his eyes on you he couldn't get enough. He knew he was a goner, but he'd be lying if he said the thought didn't terrify him. Hell, sitting here like this with you terrified him! But even with the fear in the back of his mind, he could feel the whiskey clouding his thoughts and what little remained of the walls he so constantly put up crumbling.

Arthur went on about his family for a bit, and then told you all about getting taken on by Dutch and Hosea. He told you about what a deliquent he was, told you about when they brought John in. And Miss. Tilly. Then he told you all about a girl named Mary Linton, and about the love they used to share. You listened intently to every word, even in your drunken state. You prayed to whatever god above that you remembered this all tomorrow.

"I had a boy once." Arthur said, after a long stretch of silence. "His name was Issac. He passed on, though."

"Oh Arthur." You whispered, finding his hand and holding it tight. "I'm so sorry!"

"Some bastards killed him 'nd his Mama. Eliza." Arthur said, his voice breaking. "Shot 'em. All for a measly ten dollars."

"What is wrong with this world.." You murmred. Arthur just shook his head.

"I wasn't there f'him much. I shoulda been a better father to my little boy..." Arthur mumbled, his words starting to slur. "I was good to them when I was 'round, but that doesn't make up for nothin'. I'm a horrible person, (Name)."

You sat up, moving your legs around Arthur so you were straddling him. You grabbed his face in your hands, forcing him to look you in the eyes.

"Did you love his Mama? Did you treat her well?" You asked fiercely.

Arthur nodded his head frantically. The change in you startled him.

"Did you play with your boy? Did you hold him? Did you tell him stories, or sing him to sleep?" You pressed on, even with the tears forming in Arthur's eyes.

"Y-Yes!" Arthur said, stumbling over his words. "He was small, but he still liked to run. He liked being held-"

Arthur stopped, a strangled cry escaping his throat. You took your hands off of Arthur's face and wrapped both of your arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms back around you, burying his face in your hair and neck. Arthur thought that he should want to leave, but he realized he'd rather be buried alive then leave your arms right now.

"His favorite was 'Hush Little Baby'" Arthur said softly, you could feel the tears falling from his eyes now. "I was so happy to sing it to him the last time I...."

You sat up- which scared the wits out of Abigail and Mary-Beth-and covered your eyes. Trying to block out the image of what came soon after that.

The comfort you brought Arthur. The way he held your face in his hands. The kiss, so passionate. You both tasted of lust, whiskey, and pain. It was a fiery mix of emotions that sent you both stumbling into his cot and ripping off each other's clothes.

And then he wanted nothing to do with you.

"Honey? What's wrong?!" Abigail said, she wrapped her arm around you and Mary-Beth took your hands off of your face and held them.

Charles had given them a brief explanation of what had happened, but they were anxious for him to get back. They wanted to know what Arthur had to do with you being in an absolute state. They sent each other worried glances.

"When will Charles be back?" You asked with a sniffle. You leaned into Abigail and held Mary-Beth's hands tighter.

"Shouldn't be much longer, I promise honey." Abigail said.

"Want to tell us what's wrong?" Mary-Beth asked softly, she was testing the waters.

You looked between your two friends, and smiled weakly. God, you loved them so much.

"Okay."

»»———-　　———-««

"Arthur? Are you here?" Charles called out before going right into Arthur's room.

Charles found Arthur sitting on the edge of his cot. He was reading a letter.

"What is it, Charles?" Arthur said, still not looking up from the paper in his hands. Arthur didn't even seem like he was listening to Charles.

"Put that down. I need to talk to you." Charles said, his voice becoming more serious.

Arthur re-read the words written on the paper one last time before looking up at Charles.

'Arthur, please tell me whatever I did. I just want to talk to you again. Please, just talk to me whenever you read this. Your true friend, (Name)'

"You know, (Name) isn't doing good. She's been sitting in the corner of her room, curled up. Not moving, not talking. Nothing." Charles said simply.

Arthur's eyes widened, but he didn't say anything. Charles continued.

"I sat there with her for hours, and she didn't move a muscle. I watched Abigail come in and try and talk to her, but it was like she was talking to a wall." Charles said. "And that was after Molly had tried to talk to her for hours the night before. She's the one who came and got me."

"Is..is she alright?" Arthur asked, his nerves evident in his voice. He knew this was his fault. He could feel it in his bones. Oh god, he was a fucking idiot,

"No! She's not alright!" Charles snapped. "She barely even looks human! When I finally got through to her all she could do was cry! And she was crying about you!"

"No.." Arthur said softly. "Where is she now? I need to go see her-"

"You can go see her when we're done here." Charles said sternly. "Arthur, did you know she was in love with you?"

Arthur ran a hand over his face. Oh great, now he'd really done it.

'I'm such a piece of shit..' Arthur thought to himself. 'God.. Oh my god..'

"No." Arthur said. "I jus' thought... I don't know what I thought! I jus' didn't think she loved me."

"I just want to love him. He doesn't even need to love me back." Charles said with a sigh. "That's what she said to me, while she was sobbing so hard she couldn't breathe. And then 'I just want a chance! I want to know what I did wrong!'"

"I get yer' point!" Arthur shouted. "Jesus christ..."

"She's broken. Between having to be here, the whole mess in Blackwater and you completely disregarding her, she is broken." Charles said.

"I KNOW GOD DAMMIT I GET IT!" Arthur shouted, standing up from his cot. Charles stood firm, crossing his arms over his chest. He had said his part, now it was Arthur's turn to speak.

"Does.. Does she really love me?" Arthur asked weakly, taking off his hat and running his hands through his hair. Charles nodded. " I thought she was just' sweet on me a little bit, I thought I was jus' sweet on her.."

"Do you feel different now?" Charles asked. When he joined this gang, he never expected this would be the role he took on. Oh well.

Arthur stilled for a moment. He knew how he felt about you. But how could he even say it out loud, knowing how love had turned out for him in the past?

Mary had to leave him. Her father hated him because of his life as an outlaw.

His love for Eliza and his child only got them shot.

How could he condemn you, someone who has suffered and suffered, to a life with him? He wanted nothing more than to make you feel loved, protected, and cared for. He wanted to hold you like he did that night, to keep you close. To kiss away all your pain and never let you feel like you don't deserve it. Because you deserved the world, Arthur just didn't think he could give it to you.

And he was scared. He was so scared, so instead of being a decent fucking human he ran. And now look at what he did to you. Sent you right back to that dark part of your mind where you never wanted to be stuck in again.

"Yes." Arthur said finally. "But, how could I even try anythin' with her? I don't want nothin' happening to her cause of me! She deserves so much more than I can give her!"

"Arthur, I don't think you understand." Charles said with a deep sigh. "She doesn't want more! She isn't expecting anything of you! All she wants is. you."

"Why does this matter to you anyways! Who are you, t'come in here and talk t'me about this!" Arthur spat. "You have no right-"

"Yes I do!" Charles said, his voice rising. "I took care of (Name) when she first joined us, so I'll continue to take care of her now! She can't function! She needs you, Arthur! And I have a feeling you need her too."

Arthur stood there, glaring at Charles. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to scream foul things at him, for getting into his head like that. But he also wanted to thank him. For being there for you while he failed miserably.

"Figure it out. And then you go see her." Charles said coolly. "Don't go see her like this, she's not strong enough."

Charles left, Arthur's cold stare practically ushering them out the door. Arthur stood there for a few more moments, not really knowing what to do with himself. Charles had sent his mind reeling.

He knows what he wants to do. He wants to go to you, hold you, kiss you, tell you how sorry he is. Tell you that he loved you so much but he got scared, and instead of facing it like a man he ran like a boy. He never wanted to hurt you, but look how bad you were hurting now!

You loved him. And he loved you, but Arthur ran away and now would you ever be able to forgive him? He hadn't even told you he loved you! Arthur was sure he had already ruined everything. Not to mention the two of you slept together, which Arthur didn't even know if you knew it happned or not you were both so god damn drunk!

Arthur sat down and sighed. He took out the letter you left for him to find. He read it again, only this time he stopped over a certain line.

"Just talk to me."

It echoed in his mind. Arthur could practically hear your voice, begging him to talk to you. And he knew what he had to do. Arthur folded the letter up and placed it neatly in his pocket, before placing his hat back on his head. He made a beeline for the hut you were staying in with Molly.

»»———-　　———-««

You had just finished telling your sob story to Abigail and Mary-Beth when Charles returned, not even giving them a moment to react.

You didn't even look up at him when he came back, feeling so weak having to relive what happened with Arthur yet again.

"He's coming. I don't know when, he needed to collect himself. But he'll be here to see you, (Name)." Charles said softly. You nodded, reminding yourself to go and thank him properly when you were better.

"Miss Roberts, Miss Gaskill, please stay with her until Arthur gets here." Charles asked them. Of course they agreed. And then Charles left, god he needed a drink.

Abigail and Mary-Beth stay there with you, wrapped up in blankets in your cot. It was a comforting couple of minutes of silence before Arthur practically broke the door down and rushed into your room. Abigial and Mary-Beth said some hurried goodbyes to you before rushing out of the room.

You knew Arthur was there, but you couldn't look at him. You continued to lay down on your cot, wrapped up in blankets and facing the wall.

Arthur looked at you for a few moments, before taking a deep breath and starting to speak.

"(Name)" Arthur said softly. "Can I uh.. May I sit with you?"

You rolled over slowly, and forced yourself to meet Arthur's eyes. They looked just as broken as yours did when you looked in the mirror. You nodded yes weakly, and Arthur sat down on your cot next to you. He placed a hand on your shoulder, and you closed your eyes. Arthur saw the tears flowing from them.

"I'm so sorry honey." Arthur said with a shaky sigh. "I should never have pushed you away like that."

"You fucked me." You spat, opening your eyes to look at him. "You fucked me! And then you wouldn't even look me in the eyes!"

"You know!?" Arthur gasped, completely shocked. He didn't think you were sober enough to remember what happened that night.

"I OPENED UP TO YOU ARTHUR!" You yelled, finding the strength in your anger to sit up in your bed. "I GOT CLOSE TO YOU- I LET YOU IN! YOU KNOW THINGS ABOUT ME KNOW ONE ELSE DOES!"

Before you even knew what you were doing, you got up and started pounding your fists against Arthur's back. He was caught off guard, so you got a couple solid punches in before he turned around and grabbed you by the wrists.

"You FUCKED ME! AND THEN YOU THREW ME TO THE SIDE LIKE SOME WHORE! YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU! AND ALL FOR WHAT!? ALL FOR WHAT ARTHUR MORGAN!? IS THAT ALL YOU WANTED FROM ME FROM THE START!?" You cried, not knowing when the shouting stopped and your tears began.

You fought to get your wrists out of Arthur's grasp. But he wouldn't let you go. In fact he held on to you tighter, pulling you firm against his chest. He wrapped his arms around you tight and without even knowing what he was doing started peppering your head with kisses.

You punched, you sobbed, you screamed, you fought like a bat outta hell trying to get out of his grasp. But Arthur wouldn't let you go. He took every hit, every foul name and every insult.

Eventually, your thrashing stopped. Your sobs turned into small shaky breathes, and instead of punching him your arms were wrapped around his neck and you crawled into his lap. Arthur started rocking you back and fourth, and was whispering comforting things in your ear.

"I didn't know you remembered.." Arthur said softly. "Honey.. I thought I took advantage of you. I didn't think you'd wanna sleep with me if you were sober."

Arthur felt you softly shaking your head, but you didn't speak. So Arthur kept talking.

"I never woulda' acted how I did if I had known you remembered that night." Arthur whispered. "And, I can't lie to ya' honey. I was afraid. I didn't feel worthy of somthin' like what we had going on. I wasn't thinkin' right- actually I don't think I was thinkin' at all."

"Do you love me?" You asked, your voice a broken whisper. "Arthur I have loved you from the first moment I saw you. You know just as well as I do that there is some type of connection between us that we didn't even spark ourselves. Everyone saw it happen before their very eyes."

Arthur looked down at you, and you were looking up at him already. You looked like a scared little girl, and it broke Arthur's heart. How could he have done this to you?

Arthur swallowed thickly. It was now or never. He was afraid, but his fear meant nothing. Nothing mattered when it came to you. Arthur couldn't bare to lose you, especially not like this.

"Yes." Arthur breathed out, a small chuckle leaving him. "God, I love you so much. Please forgive me f'being such a goddamn moron-"

Before Arthur could continue, you grabbed Arthur by his coat collar and pulled him down into a passionate kiss. Arthur moved his hands to cup your face, using his thumbs to wipe the tears that fell from your closed eyes.

You kissed until the both of you needed to pull away for air, and then Arthur kissed you again. He never thought he'd be able to feel your soft and loving lips against his own ever again, so he made sure to savor every moment.

Once you had both caught your breath, Arthur sat there. He held your face in his hands. The love in his eyes sent a blush to your cold and tear stained face.

"I love you (Name) (Last-name)." Arthur said, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "S'much. More than you'll ever know. More than I'll ever be able to show ya' sweetheart."

You let out an airy laugh, and for the first time in a long time you felt like you could breathe. Your chest wasn't heavy anymore and it felt like your heart was actually beating.

"But I sure as hell will try. Like you said, there is somethin' between us that's not even we could control." Arthur said softly. The smile on his face sent butterflies to your stomach. " 'M so sorry I made you feel so horrible. I'll do everythin' I can to make this right. To make us right, honey."

"It's okay.." You whispered. "It's not entirely your fault, y'know I'm sick anyway-"

"Which is another reason why I shoulda' been smarter!" Arthur said, his voice soft still but also firm. He pulled you into another hug. "I need to keep the happy inside your head."

"You remember that?" You gasped. You were deeply touched that he had remembered something so small.

"I'd have to be dead to forget any of the talks I've had with you sweetheart." Arthur said, his tone nothing but truthful. You smiled into his chest, his words made you feel like you were floating on a cloud.

You both sat there in a comfortable silence, Arthur gently rubbing your back and rocking you back and fourth. You had your eyes closed, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Arthur noticed a shift in your breathing, and he knew you had fallen asleep.

As quietly and comfortably as he could, Arthur shifted so that you were both laying down again. Arthur wrapped you up in a blanket and let out a content sigh. This felt so right. So perfect. He was still scared, but he couldn't let it keep him from you. It was better to be afraid with you, so you could learn and grow together, instead of pushing himself away and hurting the both of you.

"I'm gonna give you the world, my sweet girl. Jus' you wait and see.." Arthur whispered. He planted a kiss on the top of your head, before drifting off himself.

»»———-　　———-««

a/n: i hope you guys enjoy this! ive literally spent all my free time on it the past few days lol i got wayyy to invested into this, but are we suprised at this point??? Xx

[woozten-x]

#. 𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐖𝐚𝐫 | 𝐉𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐮𝐚

[ ; m.list including other darl+ings! ]

─ Synopsis: Running away from your problems of being the child of a king, you end up stargazing with the God of War.

Underneath the stars, you found beauty within the deity however.

─ Pairing: Deity (God of War)!Joshua Hong x Royal!Gender-Neutral Reader

─ Genre: Fluff/Wholesome, Angst w. Comfort

─ Concepts: joshua is THE god of war!!, joshua lowk condescending and just kinda a smartass (i promise he's nice), reader is lowk whipped, stargazing concept!, conveyance of joshua's violent past, joshua is the angsty one not reader lol, reader comforting joshua<3

─ Count of Words: 1.9k

─ Inspiration of the work: Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun (Manga) + Running Through The Night by Seori + meme of "You're Staring" "You're Beautiful"

❒  a/n: ok so like i had this au in my drafts for SO long...But, the main story including this au with Joshua is taking forever and ive been incredibly lazy to write it LOL. so, ill be introducing this au of Joshua with a drabble / one-shot ! this gives some introduction of how he is like and what to expect of him during this au

other members will be having a fantasy au / based on mythical creatures? type of au. so, there will be other members of svt being a deity or some mythical creature! they will have their own story also.

Fingers tap lightly against the wet surface, the grass cold against his fingertips and soil moist just underneath his nails. Thoughts raced through his head, his head tilted upwards to face the cloudy sky of the night; the moon and stars shrouded by the dark clouds, as both celestial spared no light from where he sat. The breeze carries through, the wind gently caressing his pale skin and stray strands of black hair is ruffled by the night’s wind.

His eyes fluttered close, a sigh leaving past his lips; a calm rise of his chest then a slow release of his breath, feeling relaxed. It was a quiet night, one where he could sleep easily for the night; or so he thought. Unfortunately for the God of War, he hears approaching footsteps from the distance and his eyes flutter open.

“Joshua, you are here!”

Annoyance expresses from his features, a visible frown appearing on his pink lips upon hearing your voice. Just when he was getting comfortable, you simply had to ruin it for the deity. You approach him, steps heavy along the steep path - “Ah...I didn’t think this would be so steep.” You complain, a huff leaving past your lips as you work your way towards him.

He watches from his spot, only watching how you slowly climb up the hill with a slight struggle. “Maybe you should work out more.” Joshua remarks, his words holding a dryness to them, but spiked with a drip of sarcasm. You loudly scoff, “I'd rather be stuck with one of my father’s lectures about royalty and expectations of being the next leader of the kingdom than physically work my ass off!”

Joshua tilts his head, leaning back on his hands and his legs extended out crossed over one another - “Ah, right. You humans with royal blood tend to be lazy…”

Once you reached him, you let out a sigh of relief before plopping down next to him. Joshua recoils slightly, seeming to adjust his position from where he sat and establish distance between your bodies; you noticed this, but you did not say anything. As you’ve learned, the deity was not fond of physical touch; whether it be accidental or intentional.

You glance at him, observing the way he sits a bit more upright; his body not poised, as before. “I assure you, royals are not lazy. Everyone is just always doing it for us, that’s why.” You say with a shrug, trying to save some bits of pride for being part of a royal family; although, you never wanted to become a royal, you still have a pride to protect!

“Cowards.” Joshua plainly states, a small smirk playing at his lips; oh, a given that he is trying to press one of your buttons. You roll your eyes, “For a God, you really are so mean!” You huff, deciding to act childish in hopes of changing the topic. Despite your childish complaint, Joshua hums in reply, glancing up at the sky once more. The night sky remains dark, empty of stars and only a void of complete darkness.

A silence overtakes the two of you, one that is heavy and you are sometimes unsure on how to speak to him. After all, he is a God, an infamous one at that; though his own reputation never scared you away, it only drew you closer to him like a reckless fool attracted to any signs of danger.

“Why are you here?” Joshua asks suddenly, showing hints of curiosity breaking through the aloof nature he had. You shrugged, “I have no idea.” You said, a lie leaving your lips; you do know why you are here. You have snuck away from the kingdom itself for a reason, and it was apparent to Joshua. His purple gaze had a slight glow, possibly from amusement, at your lie.

Joshua lets out a low hum, “You know how dangerous it is at night.”

Although his words seemed caring, it had no intention of sounding gentle or showing concern for your well-being; it was completely lacking any regards to your personal safety. You sigh, a heavy one that made your shoulders rise then fall - “I just couldn’t sleep that’s all.” You say, a half truth this time. Joshua looks towards you, “Being out here in the cold will help you sleep instead?” He questions, eyeing at you with skepticism.

Maybe as a God of War, he holds a strong sense of nosiness.

Rolling your eyes, you fall back on the soft grass, your back resting against the cold yet soft greenery. You place an arm over your eyes whilst Joshua watches your reaction carefully. With a momentary pause, you finally answered - “I wanted to get away from the kingdom.”

Joshua looks at you, his eyes softening and he slowly turns his head away - “I understand. I think.” He says, a tenderness replacing the tone he held before when you first arrived. “Was today not a good day?” He asks once more, glancing at the sky. Oddly enough, the clouds are beginning to drift apart, revealing the moon that hid behind it.

“It was not good nor was it bad. But, maybe I just felt overwhelmed.” You admit, removing your arm from your eyes. Beyond you, the stars hidden away were revealed and you sit up to point at the star littered sky - “The night is bright, after all!” You exclaim with a grin, a finger pointing towards the stars displayed. Joshua rolls his eyes, already staring at the stars.

“They are just stars.” Joshua said, detached from the sight he has been accustomed to for centuries. Nothing changes within the sky, but his gaze did not fall away; he was captivated and maybe those clouds had drifted him along, away from reality itself. You chuckle at his reply, looking at him to see his expression; as you’ve learned, Joshua is someone who expresses when he thinks no one is looking.

For a moment, the mask melts away and a longing expresses from his round eyes. His amethyst-like gaze only became dull, as those the jewelry embedded had lost its richness; the firm press of his lips, showing how deep in thought he was. Rarely you ever see this side of him, but when you do - an ache resonates in your heart, as he holds a burden of loneliness upon his shoulders.

After knowing Joshua, you learned that it was lonely being a God.

Joshua notices your staring, looking towards you with furrowed brows of confusion. The vulnerability is long gone, as he scowls - “What is it?”

You watched how his eyes hardened, his violet eyes holding a coldness that is always used to push you away. You smile at him, however.

“You are beautiful.”

Confusion expresses from his beautiful face again, but slowly dissipates into embarrassment. Joshua lets out a small laugh of disbelief, his head turning away to avoid looking at you directly; a hint of pink dusting his cheeks. “What are you talking about?” Joshua asks, his voice low…No, small like a mouse. It was endearing to see him so flustered, but you meant it.

“Way more beautiful than the stars above,” You add with a chuckle. You look away, giving him time to compose himself; you glance up at the stars again, sitting back on your hands with a stupid smile on your face. Joshua tenses slightly at your words, your words seeming to clear the haze in his mind; the usual haze he found comfort in, suddenly diminishing and bringing a realization that made his stomach churn.

He is unsure whether to feel disgusted by your words…Or accept it.

But, how could someone like him hold a beauty for anyone to admire?

“You always speak of nonsense.” Joshua says barely above a whisper, glancing down at his hands on his lap. The same hands that hold evidence of the violence he possesses deep within, he is not created to be admired or loved.

You shake your head, looking at him and ready to give your reply; but, you stopped. Anger…No, resentment flares within his eyes, creating an intense glow of violet. You’ve always seen the deity holding a look of arrogance or sometimes joy, but you have never seen this expression. Not even once.

To you, he looked like he was burning; flames of hatred burning him alive at that very moment, and he looked much brighter than the stars above. But, you realized those flames weren’t directed to your words - it was the flames that Joshua always held as the God of War, a showcase of a war that never ended for him.

Joshua, the God of War, hates himself.

Slowly, you reach out towards him, placing a hand on one of his hands. Underneath your touch, he shook and he looked towards you; looking frightened, as though he feared that with one touch you would burn away. But, you did not withdraw, instead you sat still with your hand over his. Your fingers curl around his, grasping onto him with a gentle squeeze surrounding them.

A gentleness that surprised him, one that made his own body tremble slightly; a swirl of emotions whirring inside, his own heart twisting painfully - seeming to punish him for the way things had turned out. Joshua wasn’t supposed to reveal this side to you, he is a God, he needs no pity from a human like you.

“Why?” He sputters out amongst his emotional turmoil, sounding hurt and…Heartbroken. The very question only made you squeeze his hand tighter, realizing the shatter of his own heart; the feared God with a reputation of being the source of chaos - was revealed to be a lonesome God, who was ruined by what he was.

Unexpectedly, tears stream down Joshua’s face, the warmth contrasting his cold skin and falling onto your hand as droplets of his own sorrow. Instantly, you raise your hand to place upon his cheek, your thumb wiping away his tears. Surprised, Joshua moves away from your touch and wipes them away with the back of his hand; he hasn’t cried for centuries, why now? He needed to get away.

Although, his mind tells him to, his own heart desperately craved the tenderness you gave him. The way you looked at him with concern, a look that seems to convey how much you cared for him; he didn’t understand.

Quietly, you watch how he takes shaky breaths, the tears continuing to fall from his delicate eyes - no matter how many times he wipes them away. Leaning forward, you wrap your arms around him, the warmth of your embrace only making him freeze. You held onto him tightly, fingers grasping onto the coat he wore, your head buried in the crook of his neck to hopefully take away his sadness.

His pain.

His hatred.

Gradually, his body relaxes into your touch, a hesitant hand rising to place on the back of your neck. The same hands that handled many things roughly, held a gentleness that contrasts the reputation he held as a God; his fingers warm against your skin, fingertips caressing the back of your neck.

Underneath the stars, Joshua holds onto you, welcoming you into his own embrace.

“Thank you.” Joshua whispers, his arms wrapping around you to alleviate the emotions embedded inside him. After so many centuries, he finally recalled the familiarity of acceptance from you.

For once, this type of warmth felt right.

[curtsbigspoon]

So I already sent one in- But I had to delete my account because something went absolutely hay-wire with it, It's under the same name- But I'm not sure if it'll translate back- But I asked about Crosby anything. I'd bite at the bar of my fucking cage for it. I'm obsessed with Crosby, I'm not sure if you do write anything about him. If you don't, that's completely fine. Just ignore this if that's the case. I've just been dying for any crumbs of Crosby content-

My ask box is otherwise empty so I'm assuming it got deleted with your account. But fear not sweet creature, ask and ye shall recieve!

I did ask my pookie @johnslittlespoon a little about this one, just because as much as I do love cros and do intend on writing him and stuff, I haven't had a lot of chances yet, other than my most recent post where I spoke about him x bubbles as well as him x rosie. But i wanted to deliver still, so I can give you some more headcanons.

Feel free to ask for like more thought out stuff, or snippet things because I will attempt, I just never know what to provide unless someone is specific so forgive me 😭SPOILERS AHEAD BOYS!!!

crosby has always drank black coffee, ever since he got the taste of it, can't stick anything else. the first time bubbles offers to make him a cup he doesn't think to specify, is just grateful enough that they offered. it takes a lot for him to swallow his first sip, tries not to make it obvious, offering a smile and a nod. he's so used to taking sips whilst he's deep in his work that he inevitably winds up finishing the cup. gets up to go and make himself another, desperate for his preferred taste, only for bubbles to spawn out of nowhere offering to get him another one. he tries to politely decline but "i was gonna make myself one anyhow" and now he can't refuse or he'll look rude.

this bit's a tiny bit angsty but after bubbles dies, crosby can't drink the sweet stuff again. he tries to for the very first time after hearing, thinks it'll be something to to keep the memory. but it gets too hard, he winds up being sick, goes back to drinking black coffee because he can't stand the reminder of losing his best friend. well, up until he's deep in work and rosie comes along to see how he's doing, brings him a cup, and it's sweet and he probably drops his face into his hands and gets worked up but- (GUNSHOTS)

this one's especially based on the newest episode but, crosby's used to being seen as more timid right? will immediately stand up to admit when he's done something wrong but before it even gets to that point you can see it eating away at him. he might be able to handle a few comments here and there about himself, never quite willing to turn hostile because it's war, there's worse things happening and it's not worth getting worked up over. but the minute you say a single bad thing about his friends? oh it's over. he'll use his authority, put the fear of god into you, suddenly snap out of nowhere, no a soul can sense it's coming. he means business.

once again talked about in my last post but this man does not sleep, whether it's because of work or anxiety. he probably gets up and paces about, maybe goes to sit outside, goes somewhere, anywhere to clear his head. (angst) but he probably goes somewhere he knows he'll be alone, will talk to bubbles as if he's sitting beside him, laugh about good stuff that's happened, spill his guts about the things eating away at him, referring to fond memories they used to share.

[sugarycloud1]

10 Questions for Writers

From @porcelainmortal's open tag

How many works do you have on AO3? 16(and about five WIPs ongoing)

What’s your total AO3 word count? 73,708

What fandoms do you write for? Red White & Royal Blue.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? No. I think mostly because I like my comment count to stay other people's comments and also because I don't know what to say. I do always say how much I apperciate comments in my end of work notes though. Comments are my fecking lifeblood, my need for validation is ridiculous.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Years ago, someone took one of my fics and edited it and it ended up on Wattpad, and when I messaged they said it wasn't plagarism, it was just inspired by mine. Eh not when 80% of it was copy and pasted.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? No.

What’s your all-time favourite ship? Oh god that's such a hard question. For years I would have said MerDer. But Alex and Henry are the only fictional ship I've ever had that have consumed my thoughts as much as this, and that I've written fic for. I love their love so much. Real life wise, Carolly consumed a near decade of my life.

What are your writing strengths? One of my favourite comments ever was 'I came for the smut, I didn't expect to end up sobbing' so I'd say that lol. I think I'm very good at the feelings, especially the angsty ones(but never angst between them, just with themselves) I also love me some domestic fluff.

What are your writing weaknesses? I can't do AUs for the life of me, I am canon compliant til I die. Annoyingly I also don't really like reading AUs which I feel is a huge portion of Firstprince fics, which is a shame for me.

First fandom you wrote for? Besides Henry and Alex, I've only written for Carolly(Caroline Flack and Olly Murs for anyone who doesn't know that). I spent seven years of my life writing almost half a million words of fic. I couldn't write anything for four years after Caroline died. I never thought I'd write fic again at all, but here we are.

Tagging the most wonderful @excuseme-greentea (hey it's me, I changed my username)

[chromatic-crow]

twenty questions for fic writers

tagged by @tetrapod7

im gonna put this under a cut cause its...a lot lmao but thanks for the tag

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

22 published and 2 waiting for reveal for fic fests. they're done so I'm counting them.

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

72,623 words

3. what fandoms do you write for?

hockey only so far. dunno if that'll change for a while honestly

4. top five fics by kudos:

something unexpected

i can't let this go

doll me up in my bad luck

drippin' confidence, lose my common sense

just say the word, we'll take on the world

5. do you respond to comments?

soooo, i didnt at first cause im like. super anxious about comments in general but i do now cause i really appreciate it

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uhhhh.......i honestly dont write a lot of angsty endings but I'll be fine is mostly just angst, im a sucker for happy endings and mostly, i just never know how to end stuff so uhh idk unless you count ficlets or the ask fics, theres a bit of angst in there sometimes

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

aughhhh it's not gonna be revealed till july for a fest but of the ones published....and this ones old and im not too happy with it anymore but probably love you like a brother, love you like no other

8. do you get hate on fics?

not that I've seen luckily, won't lie, I'd probably give up writing for a bit if I did

9. do you write smut?

*stares at blog and ao3* yes. mostly for some reason. I say this like I don't know that I'm just a horny fucker on hrt lmao

10. craziest crossover:

uh...not done any

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope, would be weird if someone did honestly.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

also no.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

does a groupchat fic count even if its never left the chat? if not. no, would be fun tho

14. all time favorite ship?

oh my god i have to dig deep on this one but.......m!hawke/anders from dragon age 2 or uhh shit i can't even remember the other ones at this point so we'll stick with that i guess.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

uh. literally all of them that aren't the one I'm currently obsessed with? but if I had to choose one, maybe the royalty/wingfic that I started a while back

16. what are your writing strengths?

oh....uh....guh. okay I've been told my dialogue and characterization is good. and I'm starting to feel better about all of it but I still want to say none. mostly cause I only see the things that I could have done better but oh well.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

......yes. okay so its not like I've been writing for long (since dec) so I obviously think all of it but mostly sentence starting. I feel like I start too many sentences with 'he'. but I also don't know how to start most of them differently. also flow of story, it gets choppy sometimes when I just. can't piece it together and give up. and endings....i hate endings, I never know how to end them

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

ehhhh, I've done it once. wont do it again honestly. i mean if its a language that the writer knows i think its different but my dumbass going to gtranslate and probably getting something that isn't even accurate is a bit different lmao

19. first fandom you wrote in?

hockey rpf. first and only so far lmao

20. favorite fic you've written?

.....uhhhh probably I can't let this go, yet again. but since it's in line with my longer wip squared is up there as well

tagging with no pressure of course: @stillfertile @whatthe-puck @hauntedppgpaints idk im blanking right now, so anyone else who wants to

[somethingsteff]

Fic Tag Game

Thanks for the tags @fangeek-girl and @ineffable-snowman!

How many works do you have on Ao3?

I only have one work on ao3, but I do have a few on fanfiction.net from way back in the day. 😅

2. What's your Ao3 word count?

4,043! I'm actually pretty proud of that! I know it's really not much, but considering that's only one story I feel like it's a decent amount of writing.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

On ao3 I've only written for Star Wars (Obikin), but on ff.net I have one Harry Potter (Drarry) story and a couple Twilight ones. 😅

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I've only got the one - Dad's Got a Date with a Vampire - that's published on ao3, but it has 135 kudos. Again, pretty proud of that!

5. Do you respond to comments?

Every one! I honestly couldn't believe anyone would read my story, let alone comment on it, so I was on cloud nine responding to all of them.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Nope, no angst here. I avoid reading any angsty endings, so I am incapable of writing one. When I read, write, or even just dip into a headcanon I'm using it as a way to get out of reality for a bit and get into sme sort of happy story. Because of that I don't forsee myself ever writing something with an ending that could be considered even remotely angsty.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Well, since I've only got the one published I'd say that one. But I'm writing another one that might be considered a happier ending? It's hard to rate happy endings, now that I think of it, since (spoiler) they'll all involve the main pair (in this case Obi-Wan and Anakin) getting together. Lol.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So far I haven't! I hope that streak continues.

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

I'm trying to. 😂 The one I've got published doesn't have any, but a one-shot I'm working on includes some lingerie, a Daddy kink, and some pillow princess Obi-Wan (not at ALL what I envisioned when I started the story, but here we are).

10. Do you write cross-overs?

I never have, and I tend to avoid cross-overs in the stories I read so I don't really see myself writing one.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but that would be so cool!

12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

I haven't, and I don't know that I ever would. I'm the kind of person who is terrified of letting other group members down, so I would be so stressed about getting my parts done in what I consider a timely manner for myself (which others would probably consider an unrealistic expectation). It would have to be something really specific with someone I'm pretty comfortable with.

13. What WIP you would like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Hmmmm. Other than the ones on my ff.net acount, I don't think I'll not finish something. It just might take forever and a day. But I know that about myself, so I've decieded that the multi-chapter fic I've got in the works won't get published until I'm done with it completely. I don't want to run the risk of getting out of my hyperfixation before finishing it and disappointing anyone.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I don't think I could come up with any one ultimate favorite ship! I'm currently in an Obikin fixation, but there's a plethora of others that are near and dear to my heart.

15. What are your writing strengths?

Oh god, I don't know. Honestly I would say that I don't really have any? I consider myself kind of mediocre. 😅

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Actually writing. Lol. In actuality it's probably coming up with overarching plots. I come up with a shit ton of random details and stuff, but always blank on bigger picture stuff.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Love it, but I want them to have two things:

Be gramattically correct if it's a real language

Have a translation in parenthasis with it so I don't have to constantly be googling or have to skip down the page and lose my place (it also pulls me out of the story if I have to do those things)

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Probably a songfic for Twilight. Lol.

19. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Of the ones that are done, for sure Dad's Got a Date with a Vampire!

20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day?

My Drarry fic on ff.net, maybe. It wasn't much, but I remember liking it so I feel sentimental about it.

I don't know who to tag who hasn't been tagged yet, so if you're seeing this I'm (no pressure) tagging you! 💖

[katebishopofearth]

20 questions for 20 writers

tagged by @wheelsup-sevenup

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 69 (nice 😏)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 317,923

3. What fandoms do you write for? Marvel (mostly ironwidow) and Our Flag Means Death. I have some Clexa fics from back in the day but haven't written for the fandom in years.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? i'm kinda surprised by these but i guess that older fics and multichapter fics have more time to accumulate kudos? - Something Worth Living For (2498 kudos) - A Night of Drunken Revelry (564 kudos) - iron masks and spider kisses (534 kudos) - Broken (485 kudos) - The Art of Taking a Blade (461 kudos)

5. Do you respond to comments? YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES. I try to reply to every comment because each one is literally the best part of my day.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oof. The shit I've put Natasha through lol. Probably falling. which is Natasha reflecting on her life as she falls to her death on Vormir. dream. is also up there, it's about kid!Natasha learning to love Yelena as a sister.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? "happiest" is not quantifiable lmao. In the context of canon, maybe Something Worth Living For, it was cathartic and healing to give Clarke and Lexa their happy ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Yup it's happened a handful of times, luckily few and far between, but they always feel like getting a splinter stuck in my skin for days afterwards.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I've written light smut of the sapphic variety. I'm ace so smut is never about the sex for me, it's about character dynamics, power and intimacy. For example, the (non-explicit) sex scene in iron masks and spider kisses is about Toni baring her deepest secrets to Natasha and letting herself be vulnerable with her, and Natasha's acceptance of Toni's scars and past.

10. Do you write crossovers? Nope. My brain doesn't work that way.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I think that some of my very early ironwidow fics have ended up on Wattpad :/

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not that I know of

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yup I've written a few early ironwidow fics for a challenge waaaaaay back in 2014, with the talented @auripigmentum, @kuailongs and SatinSatire. They helped me find my footing with writing ironwidow: Chemical Reaction (Tony gets kidnapped, Nat comes to his rescue), Never Simple (Natasha finds out secrets about her own past, angst ensues), and Good Intentions (speakeasy era AU that still lives in my head rent-free)

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? i'd be lying if i said anything other than ironwidow. It's the ship I keep coming back to for over a decade.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Oh god. The teen vigilante Avengers AU I was writing in 2014. Idk if it'll ever see the light of day but it was my all-consuming pride and joy for months.

16. What are your writing strengths? idk, you tell me. probably putting characters through angsty situations lmao. Also action scenes (thank u Warrior Cats).

17. What are your writing weaknesses? actually writing lmao. It's hard to get into the mood/mindest for writing. Also writing multichapter fics – my attention span isn't built for anything longer than a 5+1.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I rarely do this because I know that code-mixing (mixing two or more languages when speaking) is incredibly nuanced, varying depending on language, context, and individual speakers. I pretty much only do this when the character canonically code-mixes in speech, and I try to stick to how they would speak, in order to sound as natural as possible.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Warrior Cats when I was about 12 on deviantart. Good times.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? Oh MAN. It's hard to choose a favourite child. I don't think this is my most well-written fic, but the question is asking for a favourite fic not a well-written one, and it's probably iron masks and spider kisses. I loved exploring fem!Toni, and her relationship with her gender and femininity. It's a specific flavour of ironwidow that I haven't found in many other fics (tho there are a couple out there that definitely influenced how i wrote this fic). It's also truly a labour of love – I started writing this around the time Endgame was coming out, and wrote it over a time of enormous change, angst and upheaval in my life.

This was so much fun! I love talking about my writing haha and sharing older fics.

Tagging: @queeenpersephone @autumnwoodsdreamer @missmacfire also i'm realising that i don't remember which of my mutuals is a writer (it's 1 am u can't blame me for this) so if you're a writer – especially if you're on the OFMD fic server – consider yourself tagged!

[lamardeuse]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @devirnis <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

342

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

a little over 1.8 million

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now, 9-1-1, though in the last two years I've also written Merlin, Ted Lasso, Stargate: Atlantis and Our Flag Means Death, and I've completed two OFMD vids and am working on a third.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Accept No Substitutes (Merlin) 2. What Child Is This (Merlin) 3. Best Man (Merlin) 4. Motive and Method (Hawaii Five-O) 5. Revelation (Merlin)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I might put angst in the fic itself, but I don't usually leave it in an angsty place. I suppose overall the angstiest fics ending-wise would be the Doggett/Reyes fics I wrote in X Files, probably because that was kind of the mood of the show.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I haven't really written any non-happy ending fics, and to classify one as "happiest" after 300+ stories over 20 years is pretty much impossible, sorry. Oh wait, in Defenders of the Realm (linked below) Merlin and Arthur save millions of people so I guess I'd pick that one. ;)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't gotten hate specifically; I've shown my ass once or twice over the years and been called out for it, and I've apologized and corrected where possible. And lately with 9-1-1 I've had the odd person upset about the actions of a character in a couple of my fics, but it's not that they think the actions are out of character. It almost seems as though they don't want characters to ever do things that are personally frustrating or upsetting to them even if those actions make sense for that character in that situation? It's odd, but thankfully it's been pretty rare.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yep. I've written a wide variety of stuff over the years. Even straight people getting it on! :D

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Harry Potter/US Queer as Folk, anyone?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't really care if I have.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, several times! I'm always so amazed that someone took the time to do that.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, though not recently; it used to happen a lot more in the good ol' days of LiveJournal.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I couldn't even begin to pick. So many men, so little time. When I'm in the throes of fandom love, that's my favourite.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have one Merlin WIP up on AO3 that still bothers me from time to time, but I'm not sure I'll ever get back to it because I just got mired in a plot dead end and saw no way out. I also have over 10000 words of an OFMD modern AU, but again, I hit a point where I realized I had no idea how to end it so I hit the brakes at the end of act one.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I would say characterization, and making an effort to research and try my best to work the location or the culture of the characters into a story in an authentic way.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot-heavy stories are not my favourite thing - I can do it but I'd rather write basic bitch romcoms. And you're not going to get the most original shit ever from me - my writing is not gourmet cuisine, it's comfort food.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Research, and/or have a beta who speaks that language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh god, I think it was either V or Adderly, a very Canadian show from the 80s. Those were written on high school foolscap and will never see the light of day.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Again, it's really hard to pick one after all these years. Just a few random fics I have soft spots for: Auld Lang Syne (due South), Refugee Status (Sentinel), The Road to Nevada (SGA), Defenders of the Realm (Merlin), And We'll Talk in Present Tenses (Lewis), Skin Deep (I Spy), From a Rut to a Groove (Die Hard), and too many heartbeats for one ribcage (911).

I don't tag, so anyone who wants to do this have at it!

[iced-coffeebean]

Fic Writer (of doom) Interview :)

Thank you for the tagged my beloved Stars (aka @starsmadeinheaven)

How many works do you have on AO3?

WOW UH

I apparently have 31 works on AO3. Christ, that's a lot.

21 of them are Yu-Gi-Oh! GX

4 are Original Works

3 of them of Hetalia

2 are Yu-Gi-Oh 5d's

And 1 is Yu-Gi-Oh! DM

What’s your total AO3 word count?

72,638 words apparently. Slay. I didn't think I'd have a lot of words tbh.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Oh god, I wonder.

1. Everything Stays (Hetalia GerItaPan Oneshot)

2. Sakura Petals Blossom But Love Blossoms Faster (Hetalia AmeriPan oneshot)

3. You Know I Love You Right? (Yu-Gi-Oh! DM Wishshipping Oneshot)

4. My Remedy (Hetalia ItaPan oneshot)

5. This Is Home (Yu-Gi-Oh! 5d's fic collab with my brother)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to but sometimes it feels like they don't need me to respond to them if that makes sense?? Sometimes it's just a statement more than a comment of appreciation if that makes sense???

So yeah, it depends.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don't really know tbh. I have a lot of unfinished YGO fics that in theory, are supposed to have lots of angst and possibly angsty endings but I never finished those but they don't really count ig??

I haven't really written angst but maybe Cross My Heart In Hopes To Die

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Probably almost all of them have neutral/happy endings.

Everything Stays and My Remedy

Do you write crossovers?

I don't think I've written any currently unless it's Yu-Gi-Oh! related since you can smack some of the shows together. If it isn't YGO shows being smacked together, it probably won't exist. Maybe a series AU for another series but them meeting that series' characters?

No </3

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I've gotten some hate on my Anikishipping fics but tbh idc anymore. I'll write whatever makes me happy and if people have a problem with that, they can suck my dick. Like idk what else to say.

If you don't like it, go write something else then.

Before going onto AO3, I was on Wattpad and we ALL know how THAT must have gone.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I write smut but I rarely ever post it and if I do, it's anon LMAO.

I just feel like it's too awkward and I'm just scared people are gonna judge me LOL.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I wouldn't know and I SURE hope not.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nah. I'm not that famous yet.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

This Is Home is a fic I'm writing with my brother. It's kind of on a hiatus cause of life and cause of the YGO fandom break we're both taking. We'll talk it out and see if we can continue it.

I'm actually gonna hopefully work on new micronation related works with other lads so I'm SUPER excited for that!!!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Hetalia: GerItaPan and MolSeb.

DM: Wishshipping

GX: Anikishipping

5D'S: Toolshipping

Zexal: Aztecshipping

Arc-V: Candyshipping

Vrains: Respectfulshipping

Sevens: Moonlightroadshipping

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I had a Spamano/ItaPan/MolSeb werewolf fic that I was gonna do but I gave the fic away to a moot to write instead since I lost interest in it and didn't want to write anymore.

What are your writing strengths?

Tbh, I don't know. Probably internal dialogue and emotions. I like writing arguments and deep conversations cause it's so fun playing around with people's emotions <33

What are your writing weaknesses?

DESCRIPTIONS AND USING FANCY WORDS.

I don't wanna sound repetitive with words but god, I need to work on having a bigger vocabulary.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I try to use it in fics considering I'm in the Hetalia fandom but I do try to add translations at the bottom/on the notes if it's something that most people wouldn't know by now or more complicated items. I try to not use it cause I don't want to be that person with awful Google Translate or sucky translation app language errors but yk, sometimes duty calls.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Probably Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal or Yu-Gi-Oh! Arc-V if I'm being honest. I don't remember y'all. It's been a SECOND.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

I wanna write Yu-Gi-Oh! Vrains content but the show is so SLOW and BORING for me but I really LOVE Spectre and I would love to maybe write some Respectfulshipping.

I'd also love to write some Gakuto fics for Sevens cause they did his character SO WRONG it's makes me SO MAD.

For Hetalia, I'm not really sure tbh.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

For YGO, maybe Imaginary Friend (Yu-Gi-Oh! GX Anikishipping oneshot)

For Hetalia, it's definitely gotta be My Remedy

I tag these lads (you don't have to do them if you don't want to)

@stardust-revolver @starfishes-and-watercolors @apalonespinifera

This concludes my ask <3

(I'm going to be honest, most of the fics I mentioned here I kind of hate now but I left to see any possible growth or progress when I work on new stuff. I only really like my more recent content but we won't go into that <3)

[buckysgrace]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @jozstankovich

1.how many works do you have on ao3? 18!!

2. what's your total ao3 word count? oh boy.... 1,225,652

3. what fandoms do you write for? Stranger Things and Fargo currently! Although am wanting to write more of joe and dacre's characters i just need more content hehe.

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Cruel Summer, Dancing in the Dark, Friendly Competition, Midnight Hours, Just the Two (Ok maybe four) Of Us

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not? YES!!! I love responding to comments literally will talk about my work forever so beware lmao (tho it's harder for me to keep up with comments on tumblr??)

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I'm really not an angsty ending person I need my happily ever afters lmao. Maybe Friendly Competition via Steve's pov (so sorry Steve)

7. what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Cruel Summer I guess? All of them sort of have a happy ending in a round about way?? I am a softie, I have no shame.

8. do you get hate on any fics? Mhmm I don't believe I have. Although I have been called a pedo idk if that counts. Have had some comments about Kim being annoying but don't think it's hate just more so an opinion?? Honestly surprised i haven't gotten more hate about the stepcest but i see you freaks out there lol.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? THE NASTY KIND! Haha love it being carnal and needy but also soft???

10. do you write crossovers? whats the craziest one you've written? I have never wrote one but... who knows maybe some day in the future lol. I do dream about Billy as a Targaryen prince so....

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes but once I spoke to them they took it down right away :)

12. have you ever had a fic translated? Not any current fics but I do have some former 1D fics that may still be out there translated (god i hope not)

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? Oh yes with my love @sadhours one published many wips

14. what's your all-time favorite ship? Listen... Dramione is all time favorite. Also love percabeth now that percy jackson is out and reminding me of my childhood.

Ya know I also gotta throw in Kimgrove (Kim x Billy, thank you @cassandracorvo ) my babies

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Oh boy where do I even begin lol. I have a few threesomes (BillyKimSteve and BillyKimTommy and BillyKimAdrian) I have a few Harringrove ones I just cannot get to. In the end I guess the one I'd want to finish is this AU where Kim is married to Tommy but can't let go of Billy hehe

16. what are your writing strengths? imma say... smut. and making realistic ocs... idk lol maybe dialogue? At least I hope so I have mini conversations with myself when I'm writing out characters talking so fingers crossed lol.

17. what are your writing weaknesses? commas...i love commas... too many damn commas everywhere (but i love them). Anything involving fight scenes or angst.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I think it's fine? no real opinion I guess? I just would not try because I do not speak other languages and it makes me too anxious to trust google translate in case it's wrong lmao

19. first fandom you wrote for? One Direction omg... Zayn girlie lol.

20. favorite fic you've written? Cruel Summer for sure. Got me back into writing after a LONG pause. I'm just very happy with how it turned out too.

tags!!! (sorry i only speak to like 2 people so please if you see this and wanna do it I tag you too mwuah) @sadhours @floredaqueen @destroya-hargrove

[justonemorewallflower]

Fic Tag Game!

I was tagged by @iamfandomcrazy

Thank you! I was hoping I'd get the chance to answer these!!

How many works do you have on AO3?

24

What's your AO3 word count?

92,829

What fandoms do you write for?

On AO3, Wednesday. I only have Wednesday fics posted on AO3 but elsewhere like Wattpad I have some Harry Potter and Stranger Things. I do want to start posting some Ronance on AO3

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Condolence (Wyler, 339)

2. Jealousy (Wyler, 274)

3. Freckles (Wyler, 251)

4. Bitter Coffee (Wyler, 227)

5. The Beach & Realization (Wyler, both tied at 219 kudos)

Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I try to respond to all of them albeit sometimes I forget or procrastinate to do so

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably In The Middle Of The Night or Death's Goodbye. I haven't finished A Pain Worse Than Death yet, but that will have a pretty angsty ending too

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

A Night To Remember, Realization, or Welcome to the Family

Do you get hate on fics?

Nope, not that I know of! Most of the comments I get, if not all, are positive

Do you write smut? What kind?

Yes, I do. I got into it too rather recently (back in summer) as I did a kink bingo writing event. A lot of it is kinky, obviously lol. Beyond that I'm not sure how to explain it cause they each vary/are pretty different from each other. Some are really out there/dirty and others are more tame, just depends on the fic

Do you write cross-overs?

No. I wrote a bit of one in the past for Narnia x Harry Potter, but I never did anything with it and I haven't written any since then. Unless you count Omegaverse, no

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think so. I remember someone asking me at one point if they could translate one of my fics but I never checked to see if they actually did so I'm not 100% sure

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really. I've helped other writers with ideas for their fics and they have helped me with ideas for my own but that's the extent of collaboration I've done for writing fics

What WIP would you like to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh God, where do I start? I'd love to finish A Pain Worse Than Death but low-key don't know if I will. I also would love to finish some other AUs I have in my drafts like my Wyler Circus AU and my Wyler Goody Two shoes/Rebel AU, as well as some Ronance fics I have in my drafts

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Honestly, probably Wyler. But beyond them I also adore Ronance (Robin Buckley and Nancy Wheeler) and Shirbert (Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe)

What are your writing strengths?

Grammar and I like to think I'm decent at descriptions and characterization

What are your writing weaknesses?

Tense! I always subconsciously switch between past and present tense and it drives me insane!! It's something I always have to go back and fix/check for. And maybe dialogue, sometimes I struggle with that. As well as just finishing projects before starting a new one lol, I always have like 500 million drafts all at once that I'm working on

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it's fun to do sometimes but I don't do it much and if I do I try to do a language I am partly fluent in (like Spanish) or do a lot of research beforehand to ensure it's as accurate as I can get it

First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter I'm pretty sure

Favorite fic you've ever written?

Maybe Coffee Memories (I really like the characterization in this one) or A Pain Worse Than Death (the angst is just so delicious) or Scars Never Leave (I like the sort of hurt/comfort of this fic) or Safe Haven (it's the only Madwheeler fic I have and I like the angst and tone of it but I wrote it several years ago so it needs updated a lot) and then a lot of ideas that are just in my drafts

What fic would you want to rewrite one day?

Condolence because the first half of chapters are very short and lack content and I'd like to fix that, to try and make chapters more similar in length (like at least not like a 400 word chapter then a 3000 word chapter right after each other, yk) and Safe Haven (it's alright but could use some work to be more consistent in its plot and so it would work better, I'd just like to update it with my more recent writing style and knowledge since it's a few years old)

I tag @cosmic-lullaby @katwitchwriting (sorry if either of you have been tagged already!!)

[specialbrewbutterbeer]

Hi again, sorry for another request but I was reading what you would write and I thought of either hangman or rooster with sister reader (could have an age gap but it’s up to you) and she wanted to be a fighter pilot like her older brother when she grew up. They could be talking to the others and he tells them she died (it’s up to you, ignore this is your uncomfortable :)

Sister!Reader Who Wants To Be A Pilot Like Her Older Brother (Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw & Jake 'Hangman' Seresin)

TW: Angst! Super Angsty! Mentions death of a sibling, death of a parent, dangerous situations, hospital environments and sudden/unexpected deaths and greif

AN: I tried out this as a new format, not sure how it went but quite liked it- I'd love some feedback on how you found it and if you enjoyed it?

REQUESTS

MASTERLIST

--------------------

Jake 'Hangman' Seresin

- Jake is pretty open about his family

- And I mean OPEN

- If he tried to say that the guys haven't heard every story about how annoying it was growing up as the second eldest of four sons, he'd be lying

- Usually it was when everyone was swapping stories in the bar

- Lighthearted memories of being told he was gonna be a big brother again

- Screaming and crying about it

- Water fights in summer

- Him and his older brother chasing the others round with the hosepipe and a super soaker

- Launching baseballs at eachother's heads

- How he once threw one at his youngest brother

- How he'd dodged it

- How it'd gone through the kitchen window

- How angry his Mom had been when it landed in the sink whilst she did the dishes

- About how much his brothers sulked when he joined the Navy

- How his parents sent updates on all his siblings when he was away

- Pictures of them going to senior prom

- When his youngest brother made capitain of the school basketball team

- A picture of the second youngest brother in hospital with a broken arm

- Because he'd driven Jake's car (which he'd given to him with strict instructions not to damage it) into a ditch

- How his eldest brother was a real estate agent but how none of them would let him forget that he watched Practical Magic on VHS over and over in 2000 and told everyone he wanted to be a witch when he grew up

- It was clear that they were very typical

- Very happy

- But if you got him drunk enough

- And it were the right time of year

- He'd slip up

- 'Oh yeah- all five of us!'

- 'Joey, me, Ronnie, Cole and- and... That's us!'

- No one payed much attention to it

- He was being drunk

- Miscounting

- Forgetting

- Slurring his words a little

- Until finally

- One night

- Someone asked

- 'So- got other family in the military?'

- And he went awful quiet

- Sat back in his chair

- And all the words came tumbling out of his mouth

- 'Well- I did.'

- 'My baby sister.'

- 'I don't talk about her but, she was born when I was about seven, she was my favourite- well I was her favourite. She never left me alone.'

- 'She was real smart, a real sweetie and her favourite thing in the whole world was our grandma's cherry pie.'

- He'd laughed

- He was in his own nostalgic world now

- The others just wondered how she'd never come up before

- But they listened patiently

- No one dared interrupt, in case he stopped

- '(Y/n) should have gone to an Ivy league school- but no.'

- 'She told me she wanted to be a pilot, just like I was.'

- 'She told me she looked up to me, and she really did wanna do it.'

- 'God knows why- why she looked up at me, not Joey the valedictorian or Cole the sports star or even Ronnie! I know Mom busted him selling weed to his friends from the treehouse in our yard- but- damn! He at least made pretty good money doing that!'

- 'But I sat down, and I helped her fill everything out and we dropped it off at the mailbox at the end of the street. And she got in.'

- 'I never saw her more excited than that. And she was pretty well pumped up when she was voted prom queen.'

- It was then that Jake went quite again for a few minutes.

- 'She was real good.'

- 'She was real good at everything she did.'

- 'Hell- I hate to say it but she was probably better than me, certainly better than I was straight out of the academy.'

- 'Umm- She was unlucky though.'

- 'Just, about a week before she should have been done with all her training- I don't know. Something went wrong.'

- The look on his face was of some kind of latent sadness.

- He wasn't a vulnerable man.

- To see him this way, hear him talk honestly- without showboating, properly with guard down

- That was a rare and privileged experience

- And everyone sat around the table knew it

- 'Within 24 hours the whole family were there. and she was awake- talking- fine and perky as ever.'

- 'She just kept saying how she was bored in hospital, she was so worried she wasn't gonna be able to complete training.'

- 'I didn't really know what was going on, none of us kids knew how serious it was. We thought cos she was talking, awake and everything she was gonna be fine. No one told us what was goin on.'

- That last sentence was said with real anger and followed by the sound of his fist banging on the table.

- 'We just laughed at her and tried to be like normal. We thought she was gonna be fine.'

- 'But I remember Mom telling her that she'd had surgery to take fragments of her skull out of her brain.'

- 'I think maybe I knew then that it wasn't gonna be fine.'

- 'It wasn't gonna be fine like they said.'

- 'I didn't know she was gonna have a bleed on the brain and die in the OR as they tried to stop it though.'

- 'I didn't think it was gonna be that bad.'

- 'She probably knew nothing about it either."

- His heart sank.

- Speaking those words, in such a blunt way. That was the only way he could say them.

- It got it over with quickly

- He ground his teeth as he sat there

- Like he'd finally spilled a secret

- He almost wished they hadn't let him go on

- But he'd said it now

- And felt weird about it

- 'I'd headed back to work. When it happened.'

- 'I only got a few days leave- and since she seemed... Alright- I left.'

- 'I was the only one not in the room.'

- 'I was the one who put her there though.'

- 'Never should have let her do it.'

- 'I guess stupidity is in the genes though. She shouldn't have looked up to me- of all folk.'

- 'I miss her.'

- '(Y/n) was my baby sister, my responsibility.'

- 'And she would have beat all you suckers in a dogfight any day of the week!"

- He laughed.

- He was the only one who did.

- After that, there was some scrap of thought spared for Hangman, some mild sympathy.

- That callsign suddenly seemed slightly morbid

- Considering his need to take the blame.

- Maybe even some respect for having told the story too

- But (Y/n) came up in stories after that

- Like the missing link she filled the gaps

- How she got her brothers back by filling a super soaker with koolaid that stained them all blue for days

- How it had been her baby bottles their Mom had been cleaning in the sink

- How she'd sobbed and sobbed on the morning he left

- How he and his brothers had managed to make some calls around their small town to their old classmates, to ensure that their classmates younger siblings voted (Y/n) prom queen

- How she and Cole had had fallen out in highschool so badly that she had quit the cheer squad because they were refusing to talk and seeing eachother at every game whilst he was capitain annoyed her

- How Ronnie had put the car in a ditch going to pick (Y/n) up from a house party she wasn't supposed to be at

- How bitterly Joey had complained when their Dad made him remove his VHS copy of Practical Magic from the player and replace it with a Sesame Street tape for (Y/n)

- And how they'd all been so relieved when they had a sister, not another brother.

- She was all of their favorites.

- Even with her flaws.

- She was cocky and arrogant

- Argumentative

- Witty

- Sharp

- She was great

- She was all too much like her brothers

- And that's why they liked her.

- All of the guys,

- Rooster, Bob, Phoenix, Coyote and the rest,

- Decided that they were glad he'd told them about her

- He was happy when he talked about his family

--------------------------

Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw

- Bradley constantly talked about his family.

- Mom, Dad, Sister

- She was born just before her Dad had died

- They were close siblings

- Very close

- He lived and breathed for them

- His family

- He talked about how the receptionist in the foyer wore the same hairspray that his Mom had

- How he could tell by the smell of it

- It reminded him of sitting on her lap when she did her hair and make up in the morning.

- He talked about how he bought a Ford Bronco because his Dad had one

- How he had taken a picture of his Dad's to the dealership and the salesman had helped him figure out which colour matched the best

- It reminded him of being a kid, before it broke down and was scrapped

- He talked about his sister

- How great she was

- It didn't remind him of anything

- He spoke about her often

- And as if she were still alive

- No one ever guessed that wasn't the truth

- Even those who had known him before her death

- Who had even met her in passing

- Once or twice worked with her

- News like that usually travelled fast

- But it had been a bit hush hush because it had to be investigated by a panel of experts to see who's wrong doing it had been

- It had been a year

- Just over

- The report had been issued a few months before

- He could speak about it quite freely now

- But he couldn't find it in himself to do so

- So he just talked like she was still around

- To the extent that he made up a deployment overseas for her to be on

- It wasn't until Maverick overheard him talking about her one evening

- And just looked at him

- 'Bradley?'

- He'd spoken with total empathy and near enough pity

- He didn't know this was what Bradley had been doing

- It was then that his face fell

- He knew he had to give the game away

- Quietly he spoke

- Almost forgetting the friends he was surrounded by

- 'Mav, I don't know how else to deal with it-'

- His godfather just look at him.

- 'All my life I've had to deal with talking about my family, in the past tense.'

- 'She was the last one I had left.'

- 'I can't hear anymore 'I'm sorry's. I don't want anymore condolence cards.'

- 'I don't want that Mav.'

- Then he sighed

- And looked up

- 'Last September, she crashed.'

- 'Into the ocean just off of the coast of Cuba.'

- He stopped there

- Just thinking

- 'Nose dived right into the water.'

- 'Her WSO ejected, survived.'

- He paused, glance for almost a full beat at Maverick, then spoke as it transpired that Pete couldn't hold the eye contact.

- 'She didn't.'

- The silence in the room was tangible.

- Mav sat down beside his godson

- He knew every detail

- He'd made sure he'd known every detail

- He and Ice had pawed for days over every report before they were even released

- It was yet another illegal favour Tom gifted Pete.

- He relived her father's death through hers, and Bradley was experiencing it first hand for the first time

- Both felt intense guilt

- Another Bradshaw plunged into the freezing cold water

- Another one pulled out with no life left in em

- Another Bradshaw dead

- Fullstop

- She was gone

- Just like that

- 'They said she was coming into land on a carrier, went wrong.'

- 'It was probably instant.'

- 'I don't know if they just told me that to make me feel better or if it's true.'

- 'I hope it's true.'

- 'They said it was probably her mistake, and she almost definitely knew it was her own mistake, because she didn't eject.'

- 'She was fighting it all the way down.'

- 'It was a stupid thing to do.'

- 'Her WSO broke their back, probably won't walk again- but they'll live.'

- 'And they'll live a good, proper life.'

- 'She was just- Stubborn.'

- 'I don't know.'

- He finally felt like he was done talking.

- No-one quite knew what to say.

- A couple hearts were particularly heavy,

- Those that'd worked with her enough to know she was a good woman.

- But mostly the outpouring was for him.

- The fact that he'd never spoken about it.

- His relationship with Maverick was still healing, and yet was the only vent for the matter.

- That, they all knew, couldn't have been easy.

- 'She was a good pilot.'

- Mav spoke to fill in the silence.

- 'Really good.'

- 'Quick, technical.'

- 'And she loved it. Probably more than most people.'

- 'She just loved the flying- would have suited air shows, acrobatic stuff- more than the Navy.'

- Bradley gave a laugh and nodded.

- 'She was too clever and a show off.'

- 'She always liked the stories stupid stuff you and Dad used to get up to.'

- 'She wanted that.'

- Mav looked up at his Godson, a bittersweet sense of pride that his Goddaughter had thought his and her Father's relationship was something good enough to aspire to.

- A very different attitude from her brother.

- They had kept in contact.

- Not as much as she would have liked to

- And more than her brother thought Mav deserved

- But he wouldn't stop her

- And she kept enough distance as not to upset her brother

- And after they did make things up again

- They didn't get the chance before the crash to be together as a family again

- After all that Bradley and Pete had been through on that mission

- All the times they could have been killed out there in a far off land

- The multitudes of opportunities for them to be the ones to ruin the chance at playing at happy families

- To ruin the chance of coming home to their girl

- And she crashes and dies

- In what should have been a survivable accident

- on a routine exercise just miles off of the coast of her home

- 'She always thought she'd get to have that kind of fun, those kinds of friends for life.'

- 'I was the serious one.'

- Bradley smiled.

- 'I just-'

- The smile quickly faded.

- He wasn't ready to think back fondly yet.

- 'I don't understand why she didn't eject.'

- He spoke quietly.

- 'I don't know why she'd keep trying to save the thing'

- Mav sat there looking at his boy.

- A large, handsome man

- Who had come to regard as a son

- And who now reminded him of a boy again

- As he sat there

- Nursing a bottle of beer

- He'd seen reports that Bradley hadn't

- He knew that the WSO involved had given statements that said she'd told them to eject

- They'd expected her to follow

- But she didn't

- That the examination of the wreckage showed no signs of her even attempting to

- It couldn't even be put down to a failed ejection

- It was just...

- A fatal miscalculation?

- A misdiagnosis that she thought she could solve?

- But she knew it was dangerous.

- She knew it and told her WSO to eject

- The words he'd told his RIO all those years ago

- He'd seen her records

- He knew she had a history of hesitancy when it came to mock ejection tests

- She'd failed some of those tests three times over before she finally got the nerve

- He didn't want to tell Bradley that

- And he knew Bradley didn't want to dig that deep into the official verdict

- Bradley just knew it was 'pilot error'

- He didn't need to know more

- He didn't want Bradley to think that his baby sisters last thoughts were probably abject terror

- Images of her Father's fate

- Too scared too eject

- Maybe even too proud to admit she'd made a mistake that was going to be terminal for her jet

- Maybe she really did think she could save it

- And maybe Pete felt guilty more than ever before

- That all those years ago

- A Bradshaw ejecting from a stricken jet and dying, had killed another by making her too fearful of doing the same.

- And if Goose was his fault

- By extension so was she

- But there had to be some comfort to be had

- Maybe that she was with her Mother and Father

- Up there

- Forever in the sky she loved

- Neither of the two men were religious

- But to think they were all three together

- And one day they'd meet them all again

- That was a comfort

- And there was always a prayer, to whatever God that might hear them, that history never repeat itself again

- And there was always a thought spared for her and her parents

- And Bradley would eventually feel freed to speak about her

- And Pete would eventually feel freed to speak about Goose

- Even though it would take many years before either of them could speak with pride again about Goose or (Y/n)

- And somehow there was healing to be had and to be had together

---------------------

TAGLIST:

@gh0strr @sarahstar11 @sparrows-corner @piscesvancouverite @n3ssm0nique @sydneejean @20th-centu-fairy-girl @chaoticassidy @yjwnoot @hockeyboysarehot @inglourious-imagines @everyonehasanindividuality @callalily2000 @startterfly @roosterschanelslut @thespeeder @idfkwhyimhere4357 @annluca @dempy @vadinaleme @americaarse @bradshawsdarlin @foreverchasingtime @fangirlinc @luckyladycreator2

[teasty]

hold on tight || b.c (m)

"hi! can you write something about streetracer!chan x f reader where things got heated up 🥺🥺 i really like your works by the way, kiss yourself really is one of my jisung’s fav fic !!" - anon

a/n: holyashjdljzhldsa just the thought of streetracer!chan makes me... omg i don’t even KNOW, i'd actually go crazy... and omg tysm! that means so much to me :,( and you're gonna have to excuse me since there's so many things heated could mean i'm just gonna make it angsty and smutty,, also kinda went off for a fluffy ending because it's bang chan, the christiano bangnaldo, how can i not???

● pairing: bang chan x (fem) reader

● genre: a lil bit of fluff at the beginning | angst | smut (mdi!)

● warnings: chan acts like a dick but he really isn't | illegal gambling/street racing | established relationship | angry sex | (of course) car sex | hair pulling | degradation + praise | dom!chan, sub!reader | fighting :( | semi - public sex | profanity | suggestive dialogue | reader slaps chan once :( | unprotected sex (please be safe!) | choking | kind of a quickie???? | super happy ending because i'm sappy like that

● requested? yes!

● words: 8.7k

→ summary:

You’ve never known about your boyfriend’s secret and very illegal job, if you could even call it that.

"Shut up, buckle up and hold on tight 'cause it's gonna be one hell of a night for us, darling."

It’s a cold, rainy night. You’re waiting comfortably on the couch, sitting there wrapped up in one of Chan’s blankets, waiting ever so patiently for his return. He’s not usually out this late, neither did his job usually end this late. Your mind was getting the worst kinds of ideas as you held your phone in your hand, more worry than anger coming over you. You couldn’t be mad at him, really, you were just worried something happened to him, since he wasn’t picking up your calls or even looking at your texts.

It’s around midnight, and you swore you wouldn’t sleep until you watched Chan, in all his glory, walk through the front door of your guys’s shared apartment. You’ve been dating Chan for years, ever since high school. And, now, even after graduating college and finding a stable job and apartment, Chan still tended to keep things from you. It was a bad habit of his, yes, but you couldn’t really be too mad at him for it. Besides, you’ll be able to help him out of that habit. Once he comes back, at least.

To wait, you decided to watch a bit of television to let your mind wander from the thought of something bad happening to Chan. Of course, the subtle thought of him cheating crossed your mind a few times, but Chan’s only ever been the most loyal and dedicated boyfriend, even past his pretty hard shell. He acts pretty tough sometimes, but you know that he’s just a little bit insecure about himself on the inside. Which, to you, is completely normal. Everyone’s at least a little bit insecure. You couldn’t blame him for that.

Getting with Chan was actually very difficult at first. You both had a rocky start before you started dating, since Chan was kind of like the cliche popular bad boy, and you were the snarky book nerd. You both started off arguing and bickering about everything. But, when you both got closer and closer, you began to see a softer, kinder side to him. And, like magic, you two started dating. You don’t really remember how it happened. It might’ve been just Chan saying, “Wanna date me?” or something like that just ‘cause it’s simple. However, getting it past your parents about your relationship with Chan was the most difficult in the world. They did not approve of him whatsoever. Even today, they’re still cautious of him even though Chan’s already proven his loyalty to you and swore to your parents that he’d never lay an aggressive finger on you.

You’re parents didn’t really like him because of his choice of outfits and friends, which was a stupid way to judge somebody in your opinion. So, no matter how many times they tried to break things off or distance you from Chan, you two always found your way back to each other. Though it was fun, all the sneaking out at three in the morning, saying you’re going over to a friends house when you’re really going to go see Chan and all the late night calls in a hushed tone, you’re glad you can finally relax about it and live peacefully with Chan without the need to sneak around.

But, your mind hasn’t been so peaceful these last few hours. There’s still no sign of Chan and no opened messages. You gave up on calling him after the fifth call had gone unanswered, and just decided to wait. Clutching your phone to your chest in case he were to call or text. Your eyes switch between the screen and the front door (which led into the living room).

You nearly jumped out of your blanket when your phone started ringing obnoxiously loud. Your heart beat loudly as you scrambled to look at the caller’s I.D. And, thankfully, it’s Chan. You’ve never answered so quickly.

“Chan?” Your excited voice squeaked out when you brought the phone close to your ear, a bright smile etching over your lips. Just happy that he’s in contact with you.

“Hey, darling,” Chan’s voice was husky and tired, and a little deeper than you remember. He must be exhausted, and you wondered if he had to stay late at work, “I’m so sorry for being out late. I’ll be home soon.”

“Alright… Is everything okay? What were you doing out so late?” You ask carefully, wrapping the blanket tightly around you.

“Work. My boss had me work over time. I would have texted you, but I was pretty busy,” in the distance, you can hear the sound of his car’s engine. He must be driving pretty fast. Chan also has a really nice car he saved up for and worked really hard for. It’s a smaller, good looking and really, really fast car. You could recognize that engine anywhere.

“Oh… I’m sorry about that,” You respond after a moment.

“It’s alright. Nothing to worry too much over,” you can hear Chan’s smile even through the phone, “And, by the way, could you do something for me before I get home?”

“Sure.”

“Could you make me something small to eat? I didn’t have the chance to eat dinner at work. If you could do that, that’d be so great, baby.” Chan says, and you get up off of the couch. Already heading for the kitchen.

“I could make you some jjajangmyeon? We have all the ingredients,” you say, surfing through your pantry.

“That’d be great, (Y/N). Thank you,” Chan sighs through the phone, and you pull out the ingredients.

“Of course. When will you be home?” You ask before he could hang up.

“I’ll be home in the next ten to fifteen minutes, at the least.” He says, and you can hear the engine get a little bit louder behind him, “I have to focus on the road. I’ll be home soon. I love you, baby.”

“Love you, too, Chan.” You respond, and hang up. Now with the satisfaction and the relief of knowing Chan’s coming home, you separate the ingredients out and start cooking (thank god you took that home economics class back in high school. You couldn’t cook for shit before that). Since Jjajangmyeon is a pretty slow cooked dish, you try your best with temperature control to fit it into the timeframe for when Chan gets home, wanting it to be ready for him.

You had your hair tied back as you cooked, occasionally looking up to watch the television, which was still on the random news channel from before. It talked about things you weren’t too interested in, so you only kept it on for background noise.

You were so immersed in cooking, you didn’t even notice the door slamming open and closed and a pair of heavy footsteps walking up to the kitchen. You jumped when Chan’s arms wrapped around your waist, his chin planting itself on your shoulder. He laughs tiredly at your reaction, and you turn to give him a subtle glare, but your smile deceived you.

“Hey, baby. I’m sorry for coming home so late. I promise it wasn’t my intention,” Chan grumbles out, his words low and slightly slurred, mostly because he’s tired.

“It’s alright, don’t apologize,” you chuckle softly as you arrange two portions of the jjajangmyeon into two different bowls. Chan watches silently over your shoulder, “I’m just glad you’re home. You worried me. Please text me next time, before you stay overtime and don’t bother texting me. I worry a lot, you know?”

“I know, (Y/N). I know you worry too much for your own good,” Chan smiles softly, chuckling tiredly, “It’s one of the reasons I love you so much.”

You smile, flustered, and raise a warm hand to press against Chan’s cheek, turning your head to press a loving kiss to his temple, which is cold, even in the warm kitchen. “Dinner’s ready. Do you want to eat in bed?”

“Not if you’ll make me do the dishes directly afterwards,” Chan lets go of you to take his dish, and you take yours.

You cock a brow at him, “I was going to make you do them anyways. You’re not getting out of it that easily.” You giggle and tap his nose with the tip of your finger. “Come on. Take mine, too. I’ll shut everything down.” You hand your bowl to Chan, who takes it quickly as you scurry around, turning off the television. Turning off lights and putting the dishes in the sink.

Once Chan’s changed into more comfortable wear and you’re both comfortable in bed, watching some show on the TV while eating. Time at home was usually like this; relaxing. You’re cuddled up to Chan while he ate slowly. Once you both finished, you placed them on the nightstands for the time being.

Chan was asleep instantly. You were up a bit longer, still a bit run on adrenaline from worrying so much earlier, despite knowing you have to be up early for work. Chan didn’t have to work till the afternoon, but you had to be up early since you’re a librarian at the local public high school. Chan’s an assistant producer and works under a decently big entertainment company. It’s quite the drastic difference, but you being a pretty big book worm yourself, you decided it would be fun to be a librarian (mostly using your literature degree), even if it’s stressful at times. Chan’s work, however, is much more tedious than your own. Where you can usually go at your own pace, he has more strict deadlines and sometimes more difficult work.

So, you let Chan sleep on your stomach. His arms wrapped around you securely as his face nuzzled into the soft fabric of the oversized shirt you were wearing. You were up a bit longer, watching the TV while running your hands through Chan’s soft hair. Enjoying the moment for the time being before you, yourself, drifted off into a deep sleep.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

You were the first one to wake up the next morning, per usual. You woke up to your alarm that Chan thankfully slept through. You got ready as quickly and quietly as you could. Since you work in a pretty professional environment, you wear something modest, but fits well with the fall weather and your fashion style. You wore a white long sleeved shirt and a pair of black slacks under a jacket with your university’s logo on it and a pair of sneakers. They weren’t too big on dress code for the teachers at the school, but the students still had to wear uniforms.

Before you left, you made Chan lunch for the day and yourself a lunch. You even bothered to wake him up briefly to give him a kiss goodbye and that you’ll be back early afternoon, although he’ll probably be at work, then. Chan, although three fourths asleep, gave you a tight hug and a kiss with a slurred ‘Love you’ before plopping back onto the bed and instantly falling back asleep.

Although Chan had quite the expensive car, he wasn’t quite fond of you driving it. You have your own car, and it’s fine. Mostly used to drive to and from work and nothing more, since most other things you were with Chan, so you both usually took his car. It’s not so much a matter of richer and poorer, his car just had more little trinkets and things that are just more convenient. You’re not completely sure what model his car is, all you know is that it’s expensive.

The school isn’t too far. It’s actually a ten minute drive from your apartment. You have to make it there pretty early, so the roads aren’t jam packed like they would be when Chan has to drive to work. So, you have a bit of an advantage there. When you get there, you’re met with the people in the front office, who bow respectfully to you, and you make your way to the library.

You set up at the large, round desk. You especially like being a librarian, because it’s quiet. You don’t think you’d do too well as a teacher, so you settled for a librarian since it was a good and easy way to use your literature degree and put it to good use, other than the fact you’re writing a novel, but that’s a whole other story (hehet).

It’s about half an hour before some students pile in, bidding you good morning and sitting down at the tables to study for whatever assignment or test they have, or to finish homework. Some of them go around to look at books, but most just sit by their lonesome and work on whatever while blasting profane music into their poor ears.

You were busying yourself going through overdue books, and emailing parents about student’s overdue books. You were immersed in your work, so you were somewhat shocked when someone tapped your shoulder. When you turned, you were met with the smiling face of your coworker. A middle aged, pretty woman named Jung Migyeong, who gave you the permission to call her ‘unnie’. She’s considerably your work - best friend. She’s the only person who really delved into conversation with you, unlike most of the other teachers who only talked to you about whatever book they’re class reading or for book suggestions (and you just choose the first book in the library that comes to mind).

“Oh, you scared me!” You giggle in a hushed tone, and Eunmi smiled brightly, her motherly aura giving you a sense of calmness.

“Sorry, sorry!” Eunmi sits on your desk, more leaning against it. Eunmi is really a pretty lady. Her hair is cut short to her shoulders, and she never wears makeup. Her natural tone is without blemishes or acne. She always wears pretty dresses to work, and she always carries around her purse for some odd reason. “I wanted to catch up with you. I didn’t realize you were so immersed in your work. I should’ve known, you’re more responsible than half the teachers here.”

“I try, I really do,” You respond, leaning back in the chair and smiling up at her, “Do you have a free period for the first hour?”

Eunmi nods, “Yes, I do. They switched it up just ‘cause of something wrong in the student's schedules. But, that’s past the point. How have things been going? In the home life?”

You shrug a shoulder, your smile dropping, “It’s… going. My boyfriend didn’t come home until, like, twelve - thirty last night. He said he had to stay late for work, but I don’t get it, Eunmi. He wouldn’t answer my calls or texts, and I don’t think his job prevents him from at least opening a text until he gets off, you know?”

“You said he’s a producer, right?” Eunmi asks, her head tilting down to look at you more clearly. You nod, “Well, he might’ve been busy with the idol. It’s pretty difficult work, I’m surprised he’s been able to keep up with it well.”

“Well, he came home hungry and tired,” you sigh again, “Which is weird because if he stays late he usually grabs something from the kitchen at the company building or fast food and eats it before he comes home. But, he was hungry… not super hungry, but I made him jjajangmyeon.”

"Jajangmyeon?" Eunmi’s head tilts, and one brow lifts and she scoffs, “That’s like a fifty minute dinner.”

“Not if you toy around with the temperatures, no,” you smile, and Eunmi shrugs a shoulder, “Eh, I was the one who suggested it to him. It’s one of his favorites, and he sounded exhausted and overworked so I though, you know, might as well. But, after eating, he was out like a light. You wouldn’t think that producing would make someone so tired.”

“You never know,” Eunmi reassures, “You seem to be really worried about this. You don’t think he’s cheating, do you?”

You quickly shake your head, “No, no! I know him, and I know that he would never do that to me. I think he’s just trying to hide something from me. I’m not mad at him, I just don’t want him to keep anything from me.”

“You’re not mad… yet!” Eunmi corrects, and your lips purse, “If he’s really hiding something from you, it must be pretty big. I would personally be surprised if you were able to keep your temper if you found out whatever it is he’s hiding. Cheating or not.”

You’ve never really been one to get extremely mad or even start arguments. As said before, you and Chan did have petty arguments back in high school, but since then, you’ve both matured. Chan always shut down a fight if you were getting too agitated, and you were usually never the first one to start up an argument, since your patience isn’t as thin as before. You will admit, though, you’d be decently upset if you found out Chan really was hiding something from you. You trust him so much, you thought there should’ve been nothing to hide.

“I suppose you’re right,” you lean your head against your hand, resting your elbow on the desk, “If there’s a good chance, I’ll talk to him about it tonight. If I want things to really work out with him, then there has to be complete trust and honesty with each other.”

“That’s the spirit,” Eunmi proudly says, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with him, unnie,” you admit shamelessly, and Eunmi smiles wistfully, “I want to grow old with him. But I don’t want to live waking up every day at four in the morning and coming home to no one for hours on end. And, sometimes he won't come till midnight or morning.”

“Well, my husband and I used to have a lot of secrets, too. That we kept from each other,” Eunmi admits, reassuring you that you’re not the only one going through something like this, “The only way we were able to sort things through was by sitting down and talking to each other. Just telling all of our secrets to each other, even if they’re embarrassing or stupid. Just knowing the fact that we can trust each other with everything gives us that reassurance that we’re meant to be. Honesty is everything.”

You look down, thinking about the advice Eunmi had just given you, and you swallow down the growing lump of frustration in your throat, “Thank you for the advice, unnie. It means a lot to me.”

“Of course. I’m always free to talk, and you have my number if anything happens,” Eunmi smiles fondly, “And my doors are always open to you. I’ve spoken to my husband about you and he said that he’s always willing to keep our doors open. Just in case anything happens. You can’t be too careful, right?”

“Right,” you smile, flustered by Eunmi’s kindness, “Thank you so much. I’m… you’re right. If the worst of the worst happens and I’m booted out of my own apartment, then I’m at least glad to know that there’s some place I can go to that’s not three cities over.”

Eunmi laughs softly, and you laugh along with her, “I’m glad. Anyways, it’s about that time. I’m going to start heading back to my classroom. Let Chan know that I said hello, and that I wish you both well. Good luck, (Y/N).”

“Thanks, unnie. I’ll call you later,” you wave briefly as Eunmi makes her way out of the library, students bowing briefly to her as she passes.

You’re glad to have a friend like Eunmi. You’re lucky to have someone open their doors to you. Sometimes, you wonder if Eunmi views you as a younger sister, since she constantly rambles on and on about how she loves being called unnie or noona by her younger coworkers, even if she’s among the younger teachers. She’s like the sister you’ve never had. Sure, things had to be professional, but you’d like to spend more time with her out of the workplace. That would be fun.

The rest of the day is pretty slow. You had a few classes come in to pick up literature books, math books and to check out some books, but that was really it. You didn’t see Eunmi again, and left a few hours after the school closed. There was a bit of traffic on the way home, but it was mostly cleared up.

When you got home, you weren’t surprised to be met with an empty house. No sign of Chan, except the lunch you made him was gone, meaning he took it with him, thankfully, and he left a cute little note on a sticky note saying his thanks to you for making it for him. Which he usually did for you (you never bothered to throw them away. You actually kept them all in a little cigar box for safekeeping. Why? You didn’t know. You just felt like it.)

Like every day when you come home, you change into a pair of more comfortable clothing, which was just one of Chan’s hoodies you took out of his side of the closet, and a pair of ripped jeans. Since Chan didn’t do the dishes before he left, like you thought he would, you decided to do them to pass the time. In doing so, you turned on the TV for some background noise as you rolled up your sleeves to start scrubbing the dishes.

However, your attention was soon caught by the TV when the regular news anchor started talking about crime. At first, it was just about a robbery that took place in uptown, and that didn’t really suit your interest. What did catch your attention, enough to turn off the faucet and ignore the dishes to watch the TV, was when an all - too familiar black car with tinted windows and no license plate appeared on the screen, and there was a red car, too, but you didn’t recognize that one.

You turned up the volume, “Today, police are trying to look for these cars with no license plates caught on camera last night. They were suspected to be illegally street racing and gambling last night at around eleven o’ clock at night before being caught on security footage of a hotel nearby. If you can identify these cars, please contact the police immediately. One has been identified as a black Ferrari SF90 Stradale. The other has yet to be identified. If you see anything suspicious on the streets, please contact authorities. Here’s a clearer picture of both cars.”

And, that’s when it sparked you. One of the pictures of the black Ferrari was of the front. Despite the tinted window, you could clearly see a black ice Little Tree air freshener hanging from the mirror and a familiar hand gripping the wheel tightly. How could you recognize it? Despite the low quality, you can see a familiar ring on the middle finger. A celtic design Chan loved so much.

“Oh… my fucking god,” your mouth drops open as realization hits, and you immediately dash to the bedroom to yank open Chan’s dresser drawer, one left vacant for paperwork to “keep things safe”, and you pull out his insurance for his car. And, there it is, in plain sight. Ferrari SF90 Stradale. Color; black. Windows; tinted. At first, shock pools through you. Doubt climbing up. There’s no way Chan’s a criminal. There’s no way that he’s the one in the Ferrari. It has to be someone else.

But, there was only one way to find out. You had to be sure it was him.

So, you grabbed your purse and your keys and threw on a pair of slip - on vans. The sun was already setting, and you nearly forgot to lock up before running to your car. Barely unlocking it before you throw yourself into it, not even bothering to buckle your seatbelt before driving off to god knows where. Your gut leading you, immediately driving towards the area shown on the news. You pull out your phone, trusting the wheel in one hand as you pull up Chan’s profile and call him, pressing the phone to your ear.

The ringing carries on and on until the familiar voice of Chan speaks up, telling you that he’s not available and to leave a message after the beep.

“Oh, fuck off!” You scream at your phone before trying to call him again. Again and again it led to voicemail. Voicemail after voicemail. You couldn’t text him, not with you driving.

After the tenth call, you let out a frustrated yell, hitting your wheel with your palm and trying your best not to cry. You might be overreacting, since there’s a large chance that it isn’t Chan. But, for some reason, you believed it. You believed, at least somewhat, that it was Chan’s car. That it was Chan in the car. You didn’t want to believe it, but you did.

And your questions coursing through your mind were soon answered when you pulled up to the spot from the news, it now twilight, the sun just being set over the city’s horizon. You pulled onto an empty freeway, and parked in an alley between two buildings. There’s a group of people and a ton of expensive cars around the freeway. There were people crowded around a table. Some girls sat on top of cars, talking and laughing to each other while wearing vulgar and revealing clothes. Your brows furrow, deciding to stay low for a while. You turn off the engine to your car and watch carefully, gripping your phone in your hand. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, popping beer bottles, laughing and talking amongst themselves.

But, it’s when the sound of a loud engine came into earshot, and everyone, including you, turned to see the source of the sound. The moment the crowd of people see who it is, they start to cheer loudly. Throwing up their hands. However, your mouth falls open once more as the black Ferrari SF90 Stradale with tinted windows and a black ice Little Tree air freshener hanging from the rear - view mirror. It pulls up to the crowd, and they all part to make way for it.

Instead of shock or sadness, anger and rage begins to boil inside of you, and you grip your steering wheel tightly as you watch Chan, Christopher Bang, step out of the car. People pat his shoulder, and he smiles widely at them. Giving a few people hugs and even smiling to some of the women, who tried to steal a hug from him, too. He’s wearing clothes you don’t ever remember seeing. He wears a black leather jacket over a white button up and black skinny jeans. You’d be impressed by how good he looks if you weren’t so upset.

You didn’t even have to look at your phone as you pulled up Chan’s profile and called him, pressing the phone roughly to your ear.

“Pick up… Pick the fuck up,” you grumble under your breath as you watch Chan. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, and looks at it briefly.

Not even hesitating to hang up.

As you heard the familiar sound of Chan’s sweet voice telling you he’s not available at the moment and to leave a message after the beep, you finally have enough courage to get out of your car. Slamming the door shut and making your way out of the alley. They’re not too far, but it's a long enough walk for you to catch the eye of some people. You don’t even pause to rethink your decisions when a girl taps the chest of one of the guys, who glares at you with a raised brow.

The man that glared at you stepped away from the crowd, and you could barely see Chan over the people. He walks over to you, and you stop when the man is right in front of you, peering down you. The smell of cheap beer oozing off of him.

“And who the fuck are you?”

“Chan’s girlfriend, now get the fuck out of my way,” you try to push past him, but he grabs you by the arm. Tightly, too. Probably tight enough to leave a bruise after a while. “Hey! Let go of me.”

“No can do, princess,” the man says, smirking mercilessly down at you, his grip not loosening one bit, “Whether or not you’re Chan’s bitch doesn’t matter to me. It’s either you leave or I take you home and we have a good time. Well, I will, at least.” So, you tried to yank your arm from his, trying your best not to use your free hand to punch him in the face.

“Where’s Chan? Bring him to me.” You demand, and the man scoffs, chuckling.

“Fine, have it your way,” the man turns his head towards the crowd, a few people watch, and he says, “Grab Chan. This chick says she’s his girlfriend.” A few of them laugh at him, thinking it’s a joke. But, you stand your ground, glaring through the crowd. One of the people that laughed pushed through a few people. It takes a minute, and there’s a tense silence between you and the man as you try to pry his hand off.

But, as you suspected, a smiling Chan pushes through, but his smile instantly drops when he sees you.

“Hey, Chan. This chick’s babbling on about being your girl. Should I kick-”

“Get your hands off her right now before I shoot you in the face.” Chan interrupts, anger lacing his dark, deep voice. The man holding your arm instantly lets go and steps away, his hands rising in defense. Mumbling something about just ‘trying to keep things safe’. Once the man is away, Chan walks up to you, now being the one tightly gripping your arms. Leaning down so his face is close to yours.

“Why are you here, (Y/N)? Why the hell are you here?” He asks harshly, his voice full of surprise and desperation. He even shakes you slightly.

“You seriously thought I wouldn’t find out?” You snap, ignoring his question all together, “You thought I was dumb enough to let this go under? Well, I’ve been dumb for too long, Christopher. I’m not going to be like that anymore.” You know he’s not too big a fan of being called by his real name, but you do it anyway.

“Go home (Y/N). I’ll explain everything to you afterwards.” Chan says, placing a hand on your shoulder, trying to turn you away.

“No!” You yell, pushing his arms off you, “I am not going home, Chan! I am staying with you. I need to know what the hell all of this is. Right. Now.” You demand, and Chan shakes his head.

“No. You’re going home, (Y/N),” Chan tries to push you away again, his hands gripping your shoulders tightly and trying to turn you from the curious crowd. However, you weren’t going to be let off so easily. You swiftly turned around, letting your flying hand come in contact with Chan’s cheek. Smacking him. You made sure not to backhand him, knowing how much that could hurt. Besides, you don’t want to hurt him too much, you just want to get your point across, and he wasn’t listening to your words. He lets go of you again, his head flinging to the side because of the impact.

“I said no. I’m staying here,” You repeat yourself, and Chan’s eyes no longer lace with aggression, but worry. He doesn’t seem upset that you hit him. In fact, he seems to gloss over it. “I need to know what’s going on-”

You weren’t able to finish your sentence until Chan grabs you by the wrist and pulls you into the crowd. They part to make way for him, and you aren’t able to muster out a sentence before Chan unlocked his car and shoves you forcefully into the passenger seat.

“Chan, what -”

“Shut up, buckle up and hold on tight ‘cause it’s gonna be one hell of a night for us, darling,” Chan snaps, and your lips clamp close at his harsh words. You didn’t expect that out of him. You could nearly cry right there. Chan backs away and slams the door shut, and you quickly scramble to put the seatbelt on as Chan yells something at the crowd, and they erupt in cheers. A few people scramble to get into different cars, and the rest stay back, keeping their distance. However, Chan didn’t seem too pleased as he walked around the car and into the passenger’s seat, locking the doors.

“Chan…”

“Quiet,” Chan snaps, revving the engine of the car. You can faintly hear the cheer of the onlookers behind as Chan pulls alongside the other three cars. A young woman wearing small shorts and an exposed shirt too small for fall walks ahead, and pulls a red cloth out of her back pocket. Her red lips smile bright as she lifts her red cloth. She holds up one finger, and Chan’s engine growls from behind, the car shaking along with it. Your hands go to grip the first thing, which is the cup holder in the center console and the door. Bracing yourself for what’s about to happen.

“Chan!”

“I said quiet!” Chan yells, sparing you a glance and your brows creased with worry as the woman holds up a second finger, and Chan’s hand grips the wheel as the other rests over the buttons.

She doesn’t hold up a third finger. Instead, she throws down the red cloth, and the moment she does so, Chan is off on the road. His foot slammed against the gas as he pushed his back against the seat and used one hand to effortlessly steer. You feel so impossibly scared in the car. A small part of you was debating whether or not you should have gone home, but you knew that it was the right decision to stay. To truly understand what’s been going on and what this is all about.

You try your best not to scream as the loud engine nearly bursts your eardrums.

“Chan… Chan, stop the car!” You scream, the need to vomit creeping up, even though you try to gulp it down.

“I can’t, (Y/N). I really can’t right now.” He says loudly over the engine.

“Please, Chan, just stop the car…!” You yell out again, and Chan finally glances at you, seeing your distressed look before his head snaps ahead again.

His hand swiftly reaches over to grip your thigh, as if trying to prove that you’re secure, “Calm down, (Y/N). You’ll be fine. We’re fine. I’m not stopping the car. Sorry, but I just can’t.”

“I should hate you for this, Chan!” You say, and you can see the way his knuckles turn white from gripping the wheel. “But I can’t… I just… Goddamn it, why!?”

“I can’t tell you that right now!” He yells back, looking over briefly before making a sharp turn, making you clutch onto the seat belt for protection, his hand now back over the buttons, “You just need to sit there until this is over, got it? I don’t care how scared you are, you’re gonna get through it like the strong woman you are, (Y/N), and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

You look over to Chan, and his lips are downturned, his brows furrowed and his eyes glossed over, as if he could cry right there.

“But why didn’t you just tell me?! We wouldn’t be like this right now if you just told me, Chan, and that’s the truth.” You yell over the engine, and Chan bitterly and breathily chuckles, shaking his head as an angry smile casts over his lips.

“You wouldn’t have stayed with me if I told you, (Y/N), you know that.” His voice is a little softer. If any softer, you wouldn’t have heard him. “You would’ve left me.”

Your mouth falls open, and you shake your head, “Never… Never! Never, ever, accuse me of that. I would never leave you even if you killed a man, Chan, and that’s the truth!” He doesn’t respond. He doesn’t even look at you as he turns another sharp corner, and you can see the other cars following behind, closing in. He sees it, too, and he presses some buttons you didn’t bother reading and slams his foot on the gas again. You let out a deep breath, still clutching the seat belt, “I just want to know why, Chan. Why are you resulting to this even though you have a stable job at the entertainment company, I-... I just want you to be honest with me.”

“I’ll tell you later, (Y/N). Just sit tight and keep your mouth shut. I need to focus or we’ll fucking crash, you got it!” He yells, and you flinch at his harsh tone. Finally keeping quiet.

The race seems like it lasts forever, when it was probably only five minutes. With sharp twists and turns and screeching of the engine in wheels, it feels like torture. You hate this, but there’s no backing out yet.

Chan doesn’t utter a word. Only cursing at the other cars when they do something that they weren’t supposed to do, or somehow start catching up to him. You let a few tears slip as you watch his hands and Chan as he focuses solely on the road. The lump in your throat is growing bigger and bigger, and swallowing it down seems to get more and more difficult.

But, it’s over at some point. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and Chan finally slowed down after reaching a pathetic excuse of a finish line. Your trembling hands grip the hem of the hoodie you were wearing as Chan comes to a steady stop. People come cheering as the other three cars pull up behind, being careful not to bump into anyone from the crowd. You breath heavily, and look over to Chan, who rolls down his window, plastering a triumphant smile on his lips.

“I don’t even get why I race against you, mate. You always win. Just take the money and get outta here,” says one of the racers playfully, tossing Chan a briefcase through the window.

“Thanks man. Good race,” Chan says, “Now, I have business to attend to. If you’ll excuse me.”

He rolls up the window, and the man who handed Chan the briefcase smacks the window playfully as Chan rushes off, his smile instantly vanishing as he goes through backgrounds to try and get to a main road without drawing too much attention. Chan’s smile drops, and he hands you the briefcase.

“You want to know so badly? Open it and be careful. It’ll be hell to clean up if you drop it,” Chan grumbles, looking over as you look to him for reassurance. He only gives you a cocked brow as you look back to the case in your lap before unlocking it and opening it. Your jaw falls as you look at the thousands of bills stacked on top of each other, rubber bands holding equal stacks together, and you gawk at just how much money Chan won from one race.

After a minute of you staring at the money, Chan slams the case closed in your lap, locking it with one hand and tossing it in the backseat making you jump at how hasty he is.

You both sit there, Chan driving to god knows where in tense silence. You're holding your head in your hands as Chan shifted his gaze between you and the road.

It’s about fifteen minutes until you look up, surprised that he’s still driving and nowhere near home. It’s an emptier city, but Chan seems to know the area well.

“Chan, where are we?” You ask, but Chan gives no answer. Only driving a bit further before pulling into an alley between two old buildings. “Chan, I said -”

You were quickly by Chan yanking off his seatbelt and leaning over the center console to firmly grab your face and pull you into a rough kiss. It isn’t too rushed, but it’s not at all gentle. You’re caught by surprise at first, but couldn’t help melting into it. It’s almost instinct at this point to kiss him back, but you push him away after a moment. “What… What the fuck are you doing?”

“Kissing you,” Chan answers briefly before grabbing locks of your hair at the back of your head and pulling you into another kiss, his other hand creeping down to unbuckle your seatbelt, and you let it slam against the car as it flies off you.

“No, Chan… We need to talk,” You grumble out as you try to pull away, and he presses wet, sloppy kisses to the side of your mouth. His eyes are fluttered shut, and your’s are half lidded. You will admit, you love this. The kisses and how unnaturally aggressive Chan is being. But, you knew that you have to talk things out, or you’d never get to figure out how the hell things turned out like this, “Chan, I’m serious right now.”

“Then relax, baby,” Chan breathily whispers out, and your thighs squeeze together, “Let me make things up to you, okay? I’ll fuck you so good, baby.” He pulls away for a moment, and he stares at you with a teasing smirk, “Think of it as my apology, alright?”

“Chan, I’m… I’m - ah! Chan!” You gasp when Chan’s lips come in contact with the side of your neck. Your neck is already tilting to give him more room, despite trying pathetically to push him away. There’s no getting through to him anymore. You’ve passed the point of no return, and there’s not much you could get past him without slapping him again. And that didn’t seem like a very good idea to you. Your hand flies up to grip the back of his neck, the other loosely clutching the hem of his button up.

“You know that… ah… that we are going to talk about this at some point…” you groan out, and Chan only groans against your neck, sucking on the sensitive skin. “You can’t get out of it like this…”

“Shut it, (Y/N),” Chan snaps, and your head falls back. Chan leans his seat back, aggressively grabbing you by the thighs to pull you over and sit on top of him. Straddling his waist despite it being such a tight environment. He pulls you down by the hoodie, into another kiss. You could feel how frustrated Chan is by the way he grips you tightly, as if you’re going to magically vanish, and by how he talks to you.

It’s rushed, too. Chan is impossibly quick to pull up your hoodie, his hot, sweaty hands creeping up your warm back, caressing it with a different, quick sense of gentleness. His lips connect with yours once again. His tongue already pressing against your lips. The quick, sloppy kiss all too lust filled. The erotic sounds coming from the both of you almost making you gloss over the fact that you should still be very mad at Chan. But, you just can’t find the need to pull away from him. You need to let off the steam, too.

You flush your body firm against him, one hand on his chest and the other by his head, holding onto the head of the seat for support. Breathing as slowly as you can through your nose to savor the air Chan so selfishly takes from you from the heated kiss. Your thoughts begin to vanish and your worry and concern for Chan’s life choices begin to falter for the time being. So immersed in the heated kiss to forget about it entirely. All your focus is now on Chan. You can tell how stressed he is, and the loving part of you wants to help him let off that steam. But, now, you’re in the same boat. So, he’s going to have to do so much for you as you’ve been doing for him.

Chan’s hands don’t bother to hesitate before they loop underneath your jeans, not caring to unbutton them as he tries his best to pull them off by himself. Because of how restricted you both are because of the size of the car, you had to do it yourself. You parted from the kiss and pressed your head against his shoulder to unbutton your jeans and pull them down as quickly as you could before throwing them in the back (along with your shoes and socks. You can already see how hard Chan’s gotten as his rough hands massage and knead your ass, only covered by the thin, black cloth keeping you at least somewhat covered. But, if this was like any other time, they’d be gone quicker than you’d imagine.

Your hands fly up again once your pants are thrown to the back, resting on either side of Chan’s head as he grips your hips, grinding your womanhood against his clothed hardon (you’re also clothed, but it’s so wet from your juices that it basically attaches itself to your skin). His head throws itself back, his eyes closing and a pleasure filled smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. You press yourself against him, now propped up to be looming over him, sitting on him.

When you do press against him, his head snaps forward again, and his dark eyes glare up at you, “Don’t start getting proud, (Y/N). I’m gonna fucking break you.” His hand crawls up to grip your face in his hand. One of your hands weakly comes up to grip his wrist. His hand moving down to grip your throat, and your lips part blissfully as his fingers press into the sides of your neck, still allowing airflow through you. “Oh, fuck. You like being choked, huh? You like being choked like a slut don’t you?” You don’t answer, too nervous to and too caught up in the pleasure to actually let something other than a moan escape your lips.

“Talk to me, (Y/N). Use your fucking words,” Chan growls, and you swallow. The lump in your throat pressing painfully, yet blissfully against Chan’s hand.

“Fuck me, Chris. Fuck me…” You utter out his name, and Chan’s brow raises. But, he smirks nonetheless and lets go of your neck, and you let out a breath as he undoes his jeans and pulls them down to his feet. His hand palming his clothed cock briefly before pulling it out. His hard dick already leaking with precum.

“Condom…” You mutter, and Chan shakes his head. You look up to him with worry.

“Trust me, baby,” he mutters, and you sigh, leaning against him, pressing your body against his as Chan moves your panties out of the way before he aligns your throbbing cunt with his dick, and slowly pushing himself into you, raw. As his raw cock slowly becomes engulfed by your heat, Chan lets out low groans. Your face nuzzles into the side of his neck as Chan slowly guides you down until you’re sitting on his cock.

At first, he stays there like that. Not moving. You suspect it’s because the sane part of him wants you to get used to the feeling of his cock so deep in you without a condom, but Chan seems to keep you there for a few moments just for the sake of how good it feels without a condom. The way his head is leaned back, his lips slightly ajar and his eyes fluttered shut.

But, it doesn’t last long before Chan’s strong arms wrap around your waist, holding you up and starts ramming into you. His hips move so quickly, yet so efficiently as he burns your wet walls. You erupt in a series of loud moans, mixtures of Chan’s name and curses spilling out, too. Chan groans sometimes, right next to your ear. The sound of skin slapping against the fabric of Chan’s boxers echoing through the air tight car.

Your pussy burns from how fast Chan thrusts into you, keeping you at a steady position so he could have an easier time ramming himself into you without the difficulty of it being such a confined and restrictive place in the car (especially in the driver’s seat). The burn is so good for you, though. It’s such a numbing, euphoric feeling that you’ll crave later. A type of burn you could never provide yourself, only Chan.

Chan’s hands go from gripping your body to sliding up your side to gripping your hair and yanking your head back so he could look at you. A judgemental, sexy smirk adorning his lips as he sees how fucked out you are. Your mouth open as you moan, and your half lidded eyes occasionally closing from the bliss.

“Fucking hell… you’re so good for me, (Y/N). You take my cock so fucking well, don’t you?” You let out a choked moan as Chan’s hand grips harder on your hair, craning your neck. “Mmm… Baby girl can’t even talk to me… I know I said to shut it…” he laughs darkly through his moans, and your moans get louder when Chan lets go of your hair, letting your face fall back onto his shoulder as his hands grip your ass. Kneading them as he fucks himself into you. You clench helplessly around his cock.

“Oh… fuck, you’re gonna cum, aren’t you? You wanna cum around my cock, baby girl?” You nod frantically, your climax climbing up as you push your body back to meet with Chan’s aggressive thrusts. Your overstimulated cunt only being destroyed by Chan’s cock as he thrusts harder into you, his hips staggering slightly as you clench around him. “Mmm! - Cum for me, baby. Cum for me.” Chan growls out as his hand grips your face again, forcing your head up as your eyes roll into the back of your head, a loud string of moans escaping your lips as you cum all over Chan’s cock, and he pulls out just quick enough to spurt out a string of cum along your ass.

He lets go of your face, and you breath heavily as you rest your head on Chan’s chest, closing your eyes to catch your breath. A burning sensation still resting in your core as you relax, your womanhood’s muscles contracting every now and then from the orgasm.

Chan cleans you both up with a napkin he had in the center console and helped you put your jeans back on (deciding to toss your soiled panties) and he slipped his jeans back on silently. It’s not until you’re sitting on his lap, resting your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat when he speaks.

“You know I love you so much, right?” Chan mumbles out, and you look up to him. “I was so mean to you today… when you must’ve been so confused.” His head falls back, and he looks out the window with a longing look in his eyes, “I’m the worst boyfriend in the world, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re not. Don’t even think things like that. Yes, I am still a bit upset, but you know what? We’re going to get past this because I love you, too, Channie.” You stare at him with an adoring expression adorning your sparkling eyes (trying to ignore the burning in your core).

“You… You want to know the real reason I’m a street racer, (Y/N)? Why the fuck I'm doing this?” Chan asks softly, his hand stroking your hair.

“If you could… I’ve been asking all day,” you chuckle softly, and Chan smiles bitterly.

“Well… I… I’m doing this all for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“No job will pay for the things I want to give you, (Y/N).” He turns over, reaching into the center console to pull out a black box, and your eyes widen as he opens it. You can’t see it, but you can barely see the sparkle of a something reflective. “I… I couldn’t pay for this myself. I knew I couldn’t. I hate how this is how I’m asking you… but, (Y/N), will you-”

“Oh my god, yes!”

[nerdycrusadecomputer]

I miss my lover man | Steve Harrington

I just got an idea of some like angsty shit for a Steve Harrington x reader that imma write right now, and can you guess how i got it? Tik tok audio

Anyway I'm gonna start writing now

Key words: y/n - your name; f/t/p/a/g - favorite two player arcade game

Steve Harrington x fem!reader with superpowers

Readers powers: elemental manipulation, can control: water, fire, air and ground

Readers number: 004

Warnings: angst, cursing

(not my gif)

"wow if it isn't the famous Steve 'the hair' Harrington." I heard a voice, i turned around, "y/n! Where have you been?" I asked, "At home, anyway, never thought I'd see the day you'd get a job again." She said, "well as you can see, i did get a job, did you?" I asked, "well no-" "hah then why are you mocking me?" I said, "i was gonna say i just quit since some shithead thought it would be funny to dump ice cold water with leftovers over my head, plus i was sick and tired of other customers bullshit." She shrugged, "oh well I'm sorry to hear that, how about you hang around here for a while and after my shift i take you out to dinner yeah, as in 'my friend just got fired' type of way not a date." I said scrambling over my words, "yeah sure Harrington, by the looks of it you seemed to have lost your ways of pulling bitches." She said, "hey i can pull bitches!" I yelled, gaining attention to the customers in the store, "sorry." I quickly apologized, "anyway imma go annoy little brats outside with my powers." Y/n whispered, "see ya later Harrington!" She yelled as she left the store, 'god this girl's driving me crazy'

---

"Okay so what's the plan on killing Vecna?" Y/n asked leaning over the table, Dusting hopped around on one leg and started to explain what y/n and El were gonna do with their powers or whatever and where everyone was gonna strike, "wait so in gonna me the bait?" Y/n asked pointing to herself, "yes since you're agile and fast, the vine things and demagorgon's won't be able to catch you." Dustin said, "fine I'll be the bate, but if i make it out of this alive you owe me a huge favor." She said pointing towards Dustin and walking outside, probably to practice her powers or something

---

"here Harrington!" I heard a yell from behind of the store, i quickly rushed back, "ready for the free diner m'lady." I said extending my hand towards her sitting form, "of course sir shimmer pants." She said grabbing my hand and pulling herself off the floor, "aw c'mon i wore those pant ONE time!" I whined, "yup and i remember like it was yesterday." She said, "the way everyone gasped as you walked in the party with those awful pant, everyone started laughing seconds after and i had to run outside to comfort you." I said, "whatever Mrs glitter head." I mumbled, "what was that?" Se asked, "nothing let's just go before i change my mind and get you to pay everything." I said with a sly smirk, she grabbed my wrist as butterfly's erupted in my stomach, "nope mama can't lose that free dinner!" She yelled running towards my car as i laughed being dragged by her

---

I walked outside to check on y/n and i saw her sitting against a tree with her knees to her chest, "hey what's wrong?" I asked sitting down next to her, "what if it goes wrong?" She asked her head still in her hands but i knew she had been crying just by hearing her voice, "if what goes wrong." I asked tilting my head to get a better look at her, "the plan, what if one of us gets badly injured, or even worse... dies i can't bare another death Steve i just can't I've seen so many deaths, even if they didn't happen in front of my eyes i was still broke by them." She said sobbing as i patted her back to comfort her, "look on the bright side, if it does work i promise i will take you out to dinner, i-in a friend way of course." I said, she laughed slightly at my remark, "sure Harrington, sure." She said, "now I'm gonna wipe my tear's and fix myself, you go inside and do whatever you have to do in there." She said as she finally lifter her head from her lap and started to rub her eyes, "okay but if i don't see you inside in ten minutes I'm coming back out to get you." I said, "okay mooooommmmm." She teased, i rolled my eyes and just went inside

---

"the dinner was nice Harrington, didn't think you'd know a good place." Y/n said as she got in the passenger seat in my car, i turned it on and started to drive off, "well I've taken many women here before." I said as i smirked looking at her and then back at the road, "how many like two? Your mom and your sister." I said, "haha very funny." I said sarcastically, "anyway wanna hang out tomorrow?" She asked, "after my shift." I said, "yes after your shift of course." She said, "okay where are we gonna go?" I asked, "I'm gonna take you tooooo... I don't know actually, maybe to the arcade." She said, "sounds cool, I'll pick you up after my shift, or you could just wait for me behind the store again." I said, "sound like a plan." She said right as i parked my car, "well se ya later sir shimmer pants, oh and try not to get a speeding ticket." She said and she slammed my car door shut, i laughed lightly and started to drive back to my house

---

"Okay the portal is just at this corner, while Erica and i will be here dictating where you should go, remember four and El are up front." Dustin said, "okay dusty, see ya on the other side." Y/n said as she didn't hesitate and walked towards the portal, we all quickly followed all thirteen of us, Me, Nancy, Robin, Jonathan, Argyle, El, Max, Lucas, Will, Hopper, Joyce, Murray and that new Russian guy, i think his name was Enzo, "Guys, can you hear us." Erica said, we all heard her through our ear peace, we all said yes and Dustin did a victory screech

---

We were walking towards the arcade to see the gang inside, there was Max, Mike, Lucas, El, Dustin and Wil. Lucas, Dustin and Max, were fighting for the game, and Mike, Wil and El were talking, we walked inside and y/n's eyes landed on one game f/t/p/a/g, "bet i can beat you at this." She said running towards the game, "hey wait up;" i yelled running towards her as she started playing the game

---

"i think i see em." Y/n said looking from the corner, "how does it look like?" Dustin asked through he head peace, "it has lots of slimy vines round it, it's glowing red and has a figure inside." She said, "yup that's it, Vecna's inside! Is he floating?" Dustin asked, "yup." Y/n answered, "okay so you're good to attack, remember the plan four!" Erica said, "got it chief." Y/n said and did a small salute, even though she knew Erica couldn't see it, we all approached the thing, Enzo took out an axe and cut through the skin and we saw it, "okay four you can use your fire powers to wake him up as soon as we find a hiding place." Hopper said, "sir yes sir." She said and saluted, i smiled slightly, "hey lover boy find a hiding place before you get hurt." I heard Robin from behind me, i sighed in anoyence and hid

---

"HAH i beat you!" I said pointing towards y/n, "its one out of twenty three Harrington." She said as she flicked my forehead, "you owe me an ice cream." She said, "hey we didn't make a deal!" I yelled as she started to walk out of the arcade, i started to follow her, "well i thought I would make a deal but i knew you were gonna refuse Soo i stuck a sticky note on your back that said yes." She said, "wait what?!" I yelled trying to get the note from my back, she grabbed it instead, "so you owe me an ice cream." She said crumbling the peace of paper and putting it in her pocket, "whatever it's late we sould go home." I said going inside my car and turning it on as y/n sat in the passenger's seat

---

"ATTACK!" Hopper yelled and we all jumped out of our hiding spots, attacking Vecna with our swords, guns, whatever weapons we had, i could hear four cursing and crying in pain as i shivered at the noise

---

"I'm going out to lunch break!" I yelled to Robin, "fine but you have to be here in twenty minutes sharp!" She yelled back, i left the store and saw y/n sitting on the sidewalk, "oh hey y/n what're you doing here?" I asked, "waiting for you to leave for lunch break." She said as she stood up with a bright smile, "wow you just can't get enough of me can ya?" I said, "well it seems i can't now let's go! I prepared a picnic!" She said grabbing my wrist and dragging me along as i blushed, "wait- but I'm supposed to be back in twenty minutes!" I said to her as she suddenly stopped, "so your really gonna listen, the high school trouble maker Steve 'the hair' Harrington is gonna listen?" She asked turning around looking at my with a sly smirk, i smirked back, "fuck the curfew." I said, "there we are! Now let's go before the flys catch up to the food before us." She said and started to drag me again

---

"Holy shit y/n you okay?!?" Lucas yelled seeing y/n in pain, "I'm gonna be fine! Continue attacking him!" She yelled back as she created a strong gust of wind, launching her in the air, i hope she's right i think to myself as i stopped heating up my sword and started to slice the approaching demogorgons

---

"this is nice." I said taking a bite of the sandwich y/n had made for me, "yeah it better be cuz it took me the whole day to prepare." She said, "wait the whole day?" I asked, "yeah, how else do you think all this food got here? By Jesus? I don't think so." She said taking a bite of her sandwich as i laughed lightly, "well I'm full, wanna go back to the video store with me?" I asked, "nah, don't wanna get my ear yelled off by Robin." I said, "Shit! I forgot about her!" I yelled standing up, "then you better run sir shimmer pants, or she's gonna make you work for the whole shift." She said as she stood up with me, i felt something touch my back pocket but i brushed it off as a bug, "not even gonna complain about the nick name, bye!" I yelled as i started to run out of the forest

---

"Guys! I think I need more help with the demogorgons!" I yelled as i slashed the head of the one approaching seeing about ten of them running at me from a distance, fire soon shot them and i turned to see four, "thank you." I said, "no problem-" she got stopped in the middle of her sentence when a huge vine threw her to the ground, "Y/N!" I yelled, "DON'T WORRY ILL BE FINE JUST WATCH OUT!" She yelled back as i felt a vine wrap around my leg, before it could pull me Nancy chopped it of with an axe, "thanks-" "thank me later watch out for the demobats!" She yelled as she switched her axe to her gun and shot a couple that were pretty far away as i cut in half the closer ones

---

Y/n was right, Robin made me work all day long since i was gone for like an hour and a half and i didn't even notice, "i feel like I've tortured you enough, go sit down, but you better get back to work in five minutes." Robin said as she patted my shoulder taking the next customer, "thank you." I groaned as i went to the employees only room and sat down on a chair, i felt a crumbled peace of paper under me but when i stood up there was nothing there, i reached in to my back pocket and pulled out a crumbled note, i opened it to reveal y/n's handwriting, it read

Do u like like me :)

♡︎yes ♡︎no

Butterfly's erupted in my stomach as i couldn't believe my eyes, i kept reading the note over and over again not believing that it was true, as i picked up a pen to fill in my answer i heard a voice call out my name, "Five minutes is up Harrington! Get back to work!" I jumped as the peace of paper fell on the floor, i jumped off of my chair and went back to work, the note long forgotten

---

"we killed it!" Hopper yelled as he saw Vecna on the floor not breathing, the monsters and vines soon vaporized in to the air, "WE DID IT!!!" Mike yelled, we all cheered as i turned towards y/n, "you hear that y/n?! We did it!" I yelled and opened my eyes to see her laying down on the ground not moving, "y-y/n." I said, Robin quickly turned around and her smile dropped as she saw her lifeless form, "Y/N!!"

---

My shift was finally over and i was sitting around ar my house watching tv when i heard a knock in my door, i opened it to see y/n, "oh hey! What bring you here at... Ten o clock?!?" I said surprised as i looked at my clock, "just wondering if you got the note." She said, "what note?" I asked, "o-oh never mind." She stuttered, "wait why don't you stay for a while longer?" I asked, "oh I'm kind of busy, maybe later Harrington." She said not turning around to face me as she left without another word

---

"OH GOD Y/N!" i yelled as i ran towards her picking her up in my arms, she saw barely breathing as she looked up at me, "Oh god you're awake! Just stay like that for a couple more minutes-" "Steve we have to go-" Robin said as the gang left leaving me and Rabin still remaining in the upside down, but i still kept talking, "j-just hang on for a little while!" "S-steve." Y/n barely choked out as she shakily grabbed my cheek, "it's time." She said, "what time? Time for what?!" I said, "it's time for me to die, i lived my live Steve." She said, "N-no don't say that you're gonna survive! I yelled, she just smiled at me, "you have to move on without me." She said, tears were pouring down my cheeks like a water fall, "No- please stay with me!" I yelled, Robin grabbed my arm, y/n started to breathe less, "Harrington, i just want you to live, even if it means i have to die." She said, "at least in a hero now? R-tight?" She said as some blood started dripping from her mouth, my throat was so tight that i could speak, "see you on the other side, s-ir shiner pants." She chocked out a laugh as she took her final breath, her arm dropping from my face and landing on the ground

"NO Y/N!!" I yelled, i felt tears drop on my arm, i hugged y/n's corpse and Robin hugged me as we sobbed together

The upside down soon started to shake, "we have to go Steve." Robin said, her saddens now filling with worry, "w-what about y/n." I said, "y-you're going to have to leave her." She chocked out as she stood up, she grabbed my wrist and started dragging me towards the gate, i looked back at y/n to see her just lying on the ground

I chocked out a cry as we approached the gate and quickly got out, "Oh god you're okay!" Dustin yelled, "where's four?" Eleven asked, Robin and i looked at each other and back at them, i struggled to keep my tear's from falling as everyone understood what happened

"she- uh... S-She's de-ead."

---time skip---

I looked at my room with sadness, everything reminded me of her, and it didn't make it better that i had hundreds of pictures of her and i scattered around the room, i sat on my bed and let all of my tear's spill

Sobbing on my pillow as a small gust of wind flew a crumbled up note towards me, i picked it up

My eyes widening as more tears spilled from them, the note read

Do u like like me :)

♥︎yes ♡︎no

Is it weird that i cried writing this? Anyway

Had this in my drafts for like two days or something and decided to finish it :)

Hope ya enjoyed this angsty shiz

I hope you're having a great day/ night/ afternoon

Bye!!!

[xo-cuteplosion-xo]

Also the one with the Armin pfp is me ^^ I revealed myself not even a week later hehe 😅 anyways, the song I was listening to is 7th sense by NCT and the plot I thought of was like reader writing in a notebook the English translation of the song lyrics and Kaeya reads it (they’re in a relationship btw…or we’re in this case) and he gets like a flashback to when they were fighting and how his s/o met their demise. Yeah…a n g s t. I personally love angst hehe

-G

I think I found a new favorite song o-o. It fuels my need to already write angst T_T. I took the "were" to heart here and made it more angsty U-U.

A reincarnation to modern-day Au (kinda?)

Warnings: Only Kaeya remembers the past U-U. Angst, language, minor violence (medium???), angst, it got long, uh... Kaeya is written to how I imagine he is under the flirty persona. so, talk of putting oneself down... depression? suicidal thoughts? idk put that there just in case-

Kaeya x Reader Angst

“Open your eyes”

Kaeya was used to seeing you around, his chest afloat but heavy at once. It was you, yet it was not. With such differences between you then and now. Each stroke of your pen caught the attention of his eyes. His eyes, which had been scanning his textbooks while you were supposed to be working yourself, now focused on the letters of your pen. His head tilted slightly as he watched. The earphones laying within your ears must be playing a song you enjoyed, perhaps on repeat? He hadn’t seen you look… so like you once had before. His eyes caught the words, slowly reading them, suddenly struck with an ache in his chest.

His eyes faded into the distance as he fought to stay present with you, here in this library… but ever since he’d been small, he knew you, or at least the you he’d known at some point.

His eyes glanced around, complete loss of control, stuck within the memory. His vision was always so different here than what he’d grown up with… with only a single eye to see, the other covered, it was to be expected. He hated being able to feel the light warmth of the sun. He hated every bit of this world. He felt… cold, bitter cold like he was in an eternal freezer, trapped in ice. He’d seen moments of sweet comfort that left him with a bitter tang in his mouth… never seen answers to why he felt… cold. He knew that in both lives he’d been taken in by the same family, only here he did not get along with his elder brother… but here there was a version of you who saw him as more than a simple friend.

His lips moved without his permission, calling out your name with a sweet tone he’d never have the confidence to speak to you with. “Y/n, where are you off to so early? Yet another commission? Has Master Jean asked you to go take things on your own again? Don’t you get lonely traveling on these long commissions? Come on, stay a little long Y/n, you only just got back… can’t this wait? We were going to drink silly today.” He hummed walking close to your side, wrapping his arms about your waist, filling you with his abnormally cold temperature. He watched you shiver with a small chuckle.

“Kaeya, I’m actually doing a small favor for your- er for Master Diluc. It’s not much, he’s busy aiding the traveler today, so I promised I'd take care of some meddling Fatui. He’ll join me himself when he finishes helping the Honorary Knight. It’s not a harbinger, so it’s something I can handle on my own.” You turned in his embrace, lifting yourself to land a peck to his lips. That cold feeling warmed with the contact, his cheeks heating as he chuckled against his will. His mind screaming, a different yell than his usual memories that surfaced… Those tended to tell him he was safe, that this was not real, and not to get lost in this past life. The voice inside his head was screaming for him to wake up, that he shouldn’t remember… that if he did, he may never recover.

“Oh? Look at you, not long ago the traveler and I were teaching you to wield your weapon the right way, teaching you to use that God’s eye… yet, here you are all mature now. It’s so… pleasing, but I wish you had never grown into your skills… as selfish as that is.” Kaeya pressed his lips to your forehead, running his fingers through your hair.

“I never said you couldn’t come along, silly captain.” Your laugh… ah how much his heart fluttered with that sound. Why couldn't you, the present self, make such noises? Why did you never laugh like that with him? Had he not tried to court you right this life? Had he been wrong to use the same tactics he used in that past life? What changed, was it not remembering yourself, or were you simply their lookalike? No… There were times where you did what they had done, acted so similar he had to stop and question if it were another scene meant to torment him.

“Then I shall accompany you, my dear.” He let go of your waist, motioning with a bow for you to lead them away.

A mistake… to not talk you from this commission… he was realizing that.

Wake up…

Before it happens… again… right there… wake up… forget… forget… don’t remember… I don't want to see it… no… please let me snap back to the world… notice… notice the distant look… suck me home… please… forget… Kaeya…. Forget… don’t look…

It was the first time he saw the power he had in that life. Ice flinging from his sword or even his hands from mere flicks of his fingers… and you were no dead-weight yourself. Strong elemental energy coming in bursts as you fight. Even with the unexpected ambush of the Fatui agents, more than initially expected. Anger in their eyes as they swore curses, Kaeya struck with skilled mercy, aiming not to kill despite having complete ability several times to do so. Enemies fell, knocked out, dropping to their knees and surrendering. The chest at the end seemed a pleasant reward if the two of you ever managed to clear the enemies around.

“What the fuck… they’re everywhere.”

“Look at you, cursing like a true knight under frustrating conditions. You’re truly amazing, my angel!” Kaeya called out as he drove ice in a circle around himself, catching Fatui, who backed up to avoid being slashed in half by the sharp form of his capabilities.

Behind you… move… damn it… movie Kaeya… stop it… pay attention… sense it… why couldn’t you see it… why… why… Why them? Couldn’t it have been you? Traitor, monster… worthless scum… just pay more attention to the fallen enemies… not all… no…

The sound of their voice, the moments slowing as they did that day… despite his pleas at the memory to stop progressing or to change the events, he couldn’t do anything. Stuck watching the mistakes of the moment catch up to him again. Their body jumped in front of his back… “KAEYA!” The holler of their name as their blade moved to block, missing… they missed… leaving that small opening… their blade slipped… they couldn’t block it…

No… stop it… stop showing this… forget… forget… open your eyes, quietly just open your eyes, look out and open your eyes… open your eyes…. Open your damn eyes… don’t look…

No matter what he chanted internally, he couldn't change the memory…

Wake me up…

He didn’t wake… he stayed trapped as he dropped to catch your slumping form. The ice he’d been so careful not to use lethally showed no restraint… impaled over and over… that agent who dared hurt you fell gurgling on crimson as his eye glared dark shades of black. Darker black than an angered harbinger… a darker aura than a god who’d been angered… nothing could compare to the feelings he had forgotten…

How long ago had it been since he felt this much pain?

He lived in it.

He lived with the regrets of watching his adoptive father die, his birth father, abandoning him to infiltrate Mondstadt… he hadn’t felt this much… furry since that night… when his life had changed from a peaceful childhood in a palace… to a wandering boy who had no home. The remaining Fatui attempted to flee, seeming to sense his current state… of the masses, only a handful made it out… alive… none without injury. “Y/n… please don’t close your eyes… don’t try moving though, don’t talk… I'll do something… let me just… Can I freeze it? Ah no, that could make it worse… the church… but if I move you… fuck!”

“Kaeya… am I?” he shook his head, grabbing your hand as you stared at him with… terror… you were terrified… truly terrified.

“No! You’re just a little hurt… nothing that can't be fixed at the cathedral. Just let me...” He paused, feeling the hand in his go suddenly limp before you rolled on your side, lungs gasping as blood… as blood seeped from your lips…

“Kaeya…”

“N-no… listen, don’t waste energy… I can get you help…”

“Kaeya… it’s bad…”

“… please don’t go…”

He was never vulnerable… not the way he was now… not to the point he was ready to plead and beg... to shove pride up his ass.

“If we ever meet… in a new life… let's fall in love again.” You coughed between your words before reaching his covered eye. He let you remove it, staring at you with both eyes.

He’d never seen the world this way… not in his memories… he saw in the reflection of ice why he covered that eye. “Y/n…” he started before your lips shook. Breath coming off in a puff of white smoke… one… last… time… Kaeya took a few moments to comprehend what just happened. Your hand hitting the floor in slow motion… It was quick, but so drawn out to him. His hands moved to your shoulders…

Tap…

Tap…

Tap…

Shift..

Shift..

Shift..

Shove,

Shove,

Shove,

Shake-

Shake-

Shake-

“Y/n?”

“y/n?”

“Y/n?”

“This isn’t funny?”

“Open your eyes, look out, open your eyes…”

“Please?”

“Stop joking…”

The slightest movement from the unconscious members he’d let live resulted in their demise… his emotions controlling him as he leaned over and belted… his voice rattling the freezing caves… any moisture freezing as he shook your body with more force than he’d ever use to wake you from a nightmare.

Can I wake up now? Please… I don't want to keep remembering this… he thought to himself as he observed the mess he created… even his tears fell like ice crystals…

He didn’t register the sound of fire breaking ice, melting it, only to see it freeze again. He didn’t care if the person saw the splatters of blood from Fatui… didn’t care if they called him a monster…

He failed… worthless… he couldn’t keep anything that he loved… everything slipped by his fingers.

His home

His only relative

His adoptive father… who was more a father than his birth father.

On the same day, his brother… because he wanted Diluc to kill him… he had felt guilty for feeling relieved Crepus died, not knowing his secret…

And now... He’s lost the only person who promised to stick by him till they saw peace… and to become a married couple and raise kids after peace set in.

Was this worth it? The pain? Were the moments of freedom worth this? Yes… he thought… they were. To see that smile and hear your voice… It was worth it to feel loved.

“Kaeya?” He knew that voice… ah so Diluc did come… too bad he’s… late. Just like Kaeya was when their… when Diluc’s father died… he forgot sometimes… that Diluc no longer thought of him as a brother… he never said our father… always my father this and that…

“You were right… you always are Diluc...” He didn’t mean to sound so defeated… and broken. Oh… Diluc knows about the eye… he’s never seen it… best he keeps it closed… unless… would Diluc perhaps be disgusted enough to… kill him?

“Kaeya… what-” he seemed to almost gag. Kaeya heard it. Must be the obnoxiously gory scene… the ice was… melting… ah so he was calming down? No, Diluc’s pyro… it’s the stronger element against cryo… pyro melts cryo…

“I really am everything you think. I am Diluc… a worthless traitor… scum.” He wasn’t making sense… at least now that he was thinking from a viewpoint that didn’t feel what this past self felt… he seemed overly dramatic… “I couldn't… it was my fault… I should have seen it… sensed it. I’m a captain… a knight of Favonius. We really are worthless… I can’t live up to you… you’ve always been… better than me… I wonder… had she gone with you… she’d probably be alive.” What had he been on to think this way?

“Kaeya? Move… let me see.'' He didn’t budge, but he didn’t fight or try to cling to the dead body as Diluc melted the ice before him. His eyes stared for so long before looking at Kaeya… “what happened… Kaeya”

“You don’t care… So why should I elaborate… they're dead… I lost it and… killed them in return… you wanted to do the same when… your father died.” Diluc stood as tall as he could at that small note. Kaeya never called him like that… even when Diluc shouted that Crepus was not their father, only his… Kaeya rolled his eyes and stubbornly called him their father.

He felt guilty? This was… his commission, but there were no more than three when he’d been asked to handle this situation… Where did the others come from?

Diluc had to… it must have been his older brother instincts kicking in, but he picked the younger lad into his arms and, despite the burning cold against the heat of his body, he placed Keys in the light. His eyes… they had a sparkle, didn’t they? Why were they… dull… duller than a masterless vision? Why was Kaeya simply letting things happen?

Why am I still living this out? Why am I not awake yet? Kaeya hissed within his mind, hating the pain that welded into his brain, traveling down to his chest. Diluc’s hands removed the blood-stained fur and garments, before wrapping Kaeya in a jacket… oh this is… Diluc’s coat? Kaeya’s eyes moved for a moment to stare at the fabric that wrapped him. He watched Diluc turn back to the icy cave.

It was his first reaction since Diluc had moved him from their body… his hand reached out, grabbing pathetically at the older male's pants leg. He felt so small… like a child grasping an adult… perhaps because in his mind… Diluc would always be his big brother. “Please… don’t… go.” Diluc had never seen Kaeya like this… not since they were little… long before the knights…Diluc kneeled…

He set their foreheads together, letting his feeling about that night fade… he’d implemented that thought into his head… the one that made Kaeya think he had no worth… and they… his lover… had helped him find himself… find that he did, in fact, have worth outside being a tool for others. “It’s okay… I’m going to clean up, but I won't… I'm not going to leave you again.”

Kaeya let him leave… it felt like ages before Diluc pulled out the body, carrying them in his hands… Kaeya leaped from his spot to their body, tapping them again… “Kaeya they're...”

“Not yet… not… they just need to open their eyes Diluc… why can’t I have this one thing?” Maybe he should stop talking? He said things when he got emotional… like that night… so compelled to spill everything because of the guilt… he was so vulnerable to his emotions… he was a smooth talker because he had to be… If he started to talk about himself, he would lose himself within the words… his emotions led him to do stupid things… and those things never go well…

If he was able to reason he would have stopped there without venting to the man he shouldn't be able to trust… considering that fight they had and the numerous verbal quarrels they had each day. “I never get the things I want… home… gone… abandoned… But I don't mind… I was taken in only to lose that family to… Because I’m nothing but a weapon… a stupid tool… a useless one though. Guess the gods really do forsake me… don’t you think Di-” His eyes shot wide when he was… hugged? Diluc… holding him? Pressing his head to his chest? Was he high, drunk? Was he dead and dreaming?

“Shhh, just… it’s okay to cry Kaeya… It’s alright to cry… I...” Diluc seemed to pause in his words… Was he about to see he wasn’t being himself? Was he about to shove him away again? That’s what Diluc would do? Diluc hates him, right? “Your big brother is here… and your big brother isn’t going to leave you to suffer alone anymore… don’t go saying things like you're about to… about to drive that sword through your body…” he sobbed, not that echo of a scream that he’d felt watching you die… but a genuine cry that hadn’t left his lips in years. He finally gripped tightly onto Diluc’s shirt, knowing his tears would stain the white collared shirt… his brother wore.

He didn’t register anything else… nor did he remember

His eyes opened quietly. “Kaeya?” he snapped to look at you, voice caught in his throat. “You scared me there! You were zoning out worse than usual… I know you tend to have spells where your mind is elsewhere, but you… were crying silently and kept moving like you wanted to wake from whatever it was… I shook you, but you didn’t snap back like you usually do...” He smiled as if nothing had played in his head.

“My bad… I apologize for worrying you.” He picked his book up, staring at it… he couldn’t focus anymore… maybe he’d talk to somebody… mostly Diluc, who seemed to also remember that past life… less than he did but he could understand Kaeya… at least to some point.

“Kaeya… I… oh gods help me… this is so not a good time, but I know I won't get the courage to ask you again, but… would you… maybe wanna go to… some sort of restaurant… just us?”

“Like a date?” he smiled, leaning over the table to stare into your eyes. Watching you blush and chuckle… oh how his heart did a little dance at that sound… a sound he’d only heard in those memories till now.

“Yeah… like… a date.”

“Then, I’ll pick you up at about seven tomorrow.” He rubbed your head before setting his book down and grabbing his bag.

“Kaeya… one last thing… it doesn't make sense… and if it’s weird I’m sorry if I uh… just don’t pay it mind if you don’t get it okay?” He raised a brow, two eyes, the same shade, color, and shape staring at you. “If we ever meet in a new life… let's fall in love again.”

A tear slipped unwillingly from his eye… pausing to make sure he heard you correctly. “I… keep my promises, my angle.”

“I’m sorry that I don’t remember any of our happy moments from then, but… I really did fall in love with you Kaeya… this you… not the man who called out to me as I watched myself die on loop for years at night with nothing but those words.” Kaeya smiled, kissing your forehead…

“We’ll make new memories.”

“Yeah… and we’ll be happy.”

“Yes… happy.”

And he was… he was happy knowing you loved him, would laugh and smile like you always did.