#THIS IS A JOKE TO BE CLEAR

[transmascutena]

pretty common for rgu to be falsely advertised as a cute romance but i think we should start selling it to people by telling them that it has found family (technically true but at what cost)

[wizardsparamour]

gorgug thistlespring was a coward. imagine breaking up with your gf because you can’t do long distance all the while your band mate and friend gets an I Love You text from her gf over billions of years through fossilized shellfish, smh

[sqrkyclean]

icant be doing this right this second half my mutuals are turning into he/theys as it is . it's spreading

[icebluecyanide]

Happy Father's day to General Alexei Sarov, who saw fourteen-year-old Alex nearly get killed by his assistant and went 'so is anyone going to adopt him?' and didn't wait for an answer.

A man who stepped up when Alex's fake parents were unfortunately killed in an underwater trap trying to sneak into Sarov's house, and Alex was left stranded on the island all alone.

Who was willing to forgive Alex for trying to escape and who offered to have Alex's eggs prepared the way he likes, because he understands that Alex is still young and sometimes a father and son have different tastes in food (even if he thinks cooking food is a waste of nutrients) 🥺🥺

Who was attentive to Alex's needs, suggesting Alex go for a swim after his ride around the plantation because he looked sweaty and overheated and who was looking out for Alex's health by not letting him drink vodka at fourteen despite peer pressure. Who refused to let his assistant kill Alex even after Alex caused trouble at the airport and tried to call the police on them, and who stimulated Alex to read more books, praising Alex numerous times for his skills.

They had their disagreements of course (Sarov wanting to detonate multiple nuclear bombs and take over the world, Alex saying he'd rather die than have a father like Sarov), but I think that if Alex had stopped trying to escape, Sarov could have made a great father to Alex 🥰🥰

[operationslipperypuppet]

Based on the fastest association I could make given the three emojis in the newsletter: the new d20 season will be about Percy Jackson

[violetwolfraven]

You wanna talk about ‘doomed by the narrative?’ Harry and Marv from Home Alone are the most doomed by the narrative motherfuckers in fiction. It is these men’s curse to keep running right into this child’s traps. “Don’t you know a kid always wins against two idiots?” Kevin asks them in the second movie and he is right. There is no version of the story where they win. They are cursed to keep getting hurt over and over again with no escape, yes because Kevin set those traps but mostly because they insist on continuing deeper into the house. They are doomed by their own choice to keep trying to beat the kid who has repeatedly outsmarted them. They were never going to choose any different.

[obsessedwithlute]

I took a uquiz that was like 'tell us your music preferences and we'll guess your sexuality' and I got straight?? Um EXCUSE ME anyone who's spoken to me for 5 minutes can tell I'm panromantic. Asshole.

Anyways here's the link if you want to be tortured too

[multi-lefaiye]

yeah sex is cool and all but have you ever been told that people think about you when you're not there and that you have a positive effect on the people in your life?

[heda-heather]

Taylor,

you could do the funniest thing.

Which will it be, Taylor?

The red 🏳️‍🌈 pill or the blue 🧔‍♂️ pill?

[martianjuice]

Dream heard the dnfers were coming back to ao3 and said "absolutely not"

[frizzyanya]

Me: *taking notes trying to learn smart people things*

Okay, when water gets warmer it expands.

*checks notes*

And when it gets very cold, it *also* expands.

It just kind of contracts........in the middle?

Cool, cool, we're doing great, this super makes sense, yay science.

[bi-hop]

when they got nonbinary foot soldiers at the function

[hella5791]

PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE of @hella1975's bigotry CONFIRMED. we need to cancel her IMMEDIATELY and IRREVOCABLY

[saywhatyouwillbut]

in other news, cannot believe i will not get to see those two gay goalies do their ritual again. the real tragedy being reported tonight

[icebluecyanide]

The show really giving us some strong sub!Yassen vibes with the "You don't have to think, you just have to act" quote, him letting Alex take command, and just Yassen general attitude in the show huh

[anniesfarce]

*writing the play that goes wrong*

henry lewis: we should have a character named jonathan who just keeps messing up all his entrances

henry shields: yeah, and he's barely in it but he still can't seem to remember the handful of cues he has

jonathan sayer:

jonathan sayer: is there something you guys want to tell me