#THIS FVCKING SHOW MAN

[familiarartistname]

F*ck you actually for making this.

"Do you remember it J?"

An idea that came to me one night

[moon-tell-me]

Affection

"Our fingers dancing when they meet" - This side of paradise

The outsiders (separate) x GN reader

Warnings: bit of cursing, not proof read, nothing else??

SODAPOP CURTIS

DARRY CURTIS

He prolly needs a hug honestly

I doubt he gets them often

He's a wee bit touch starved

‼️All hugs and cuddles will be greatly appreciated‼️

He's not super big on pda

He'll have an arm around you, kiss you and stuff

But that's kinda it

He would def give the best kisses

Sharing a bed with him is alright..

He gives you enough space and he'll spoon you if you want

But

He snores

Like, really bad

So..

He loves affection

Mans would actually hold you 24/7 if he could

You wanna cuddle with him?

Don't even have to ask

He always knows what you want and when you want it

GUYS HES A MAGICAL GIRL??

NEW AU?

Sorry, got distracted

Anyways, he'll be big spoon, little spoon, your pillow, blanket, anything really

He also loves hand holding

Just link your fingers with his anytime, anywhere

He'll be the happiest boy on earth

Soda doesn't mind pda

He'll show you love anywhere

He actually kinda likes it cause it shows the other girls that he's taken..

He's one of the best greasers to (sfw) sleep with

He's used to sharing a bed with someone, and he is probably the biggest cuddler of the group

Plus he's like a human heater

So you won't get cold

PONYBOY CURTIS

He likes your affection.. a lot

Maybe not as much as the others, but he likes it

He's not really a touch starved person

Actually, I see him as being kinda touch adverse, Soda, Johnny, and you being exceptions

He'd probably prefer just reading with you over all the cuddling

Until he's tired atleast

Speaking of, he canonically gets nightmares, and having someone sleeping with him helps

Y'know what else helps?

Cuddling, that's what.

Just let him be your little spoon

Kid really deserves it

He definitely likes more subtle affection

Your leg touching his, stuff like that

He also really likes cheek kisses and you playing with his hair

When it comes to pda, it will only happen around Johnny

The others won't let him live it down

ALSO, out of everyone, he's the one that blushes the most

DALLAS WINSTON

He hates physical affection

At least, that's what he says

You know better though

You've noticed how he reacts when you hold his hand, or play with his hair

How he calms when you cup his cheek and give him a gentle kiss

If we're being completely honest here, he loves it

He loves every single bit of your affection

Just don't do anything more then a quick kiss in public

If he gets really jealous or possessive in public he'll initiate pda

I'm talking, arm around your shoulder, pulling you in his lap, full on making out with you

He's a very touch starved person

So in private he'll accept any and all tender touches

He'll still be an ass about it but y'know

If you do it while he's tired he'll actually shut up and enjoy it

Sharing a bed with him is probably nice

He's veryy cuddly when tired

Do what you will with that information

He will only be your little spoon if he's black out drunk

Otherwise he'll just serve as your personal pillow

JOHNNY CADE

In the beginning your gonna have to hold back on your physical affection

Because of how his parents treat him he's gotten used to touches being painful

You need to be very patient and careful

He'll get used to it though!

He's also extremely touch starved

So he will definitely enjoy it once he knows you won't hurt him

He's willing to be affectionate in public, as long as the other guys aren't around

Except Ponyboy, he doesn't mind too much around him

He loves cuddling

He's always super shy about it tho

Actually, he's always kinda shy about anything you do

Even if it's just eye contact

It's just so new to him

Please please please just kiss him out of nowhere

His reaction would be so fvcking cute

Give this boy the love he deserves

Let him sleep in your bed every time it gets too cold out

He needs a nice, warm, comforting place to sleep

He'd be very respectful about it

Just give him sweet kisses while you cuddle him

TWO-BIT MATHEWS

Probably the second most affectionate

Right behind Soda

He's not touch starved, he just really likes you

He doesn't care about pda

He doesn't care what others say

I think it's actually physically impossible for him to get embarrassed

So, do whatever the hell you want tbh

He's absolutely terrible to sleep with

He always sleeps in the starfish position, leaving you with no room

He's also a blanket hog

So uhh

Yeah

The only pro is that you can cuddle him

I bet he would give nice hugs and cuddles..

Overall, you can do pretty much whatever with him

He doesn't care that much

[toomanyopinionss]

Scattered thoughts after watching the finale of GEN V

Spoilers Ahead

i forgot how ANGRY homelander makes me. like i haven’t seen that awful mf in my screen in a minute but the candle full of rage i hold for this man is clearly not snuffed out. mr. how to ruin everything in 45 seconds or less. fvck homelander

lord, and the RACISM of this whole thing just has me so fvcking heated, because of course the two pretty cis white kids are the heroes (even though one of them supposed to be dead according to public records, and the other ones boyfriend killed the mf principal) and not the top ranked kids in school, three of which are poc and queer (possibly all queer, emma gives off a vibe). like emma, marie, jordan, and andre are arguably 4 of the most decent students on this campus. the only thing marie has done is fucking exist, and the world has just delivered nothing but awfulness to her. gtfo of here, im so upset.

if the term “morally gray” was a universe it would be this one. cause fuck indira but fuucccckkkkk homelander.

if they don’t do right by andre, im going to be so pissed. the fact that this episode showcased the most of him we’ve seen as a character and it was still half-assed?? i want moreeee

bruh, i know in the battle between action/drama and romance, that the former has to take precedence in this type of story, but even emma and sam got a fucking conversation. are you so serious? limoreau didn’t have time for a 2 minute discussion about their relationship??? the writers could have added a couple more minutes to this 30 minute episode? it’s been CRICKETS y’all, and i demand reparations. i mean we’re not gonna see them again for another, what… 2 years??The jordan and marie moments are so cute, don’t get me wrong, but they are minuscule after episode 5. I be having to run to fan fiction just to satisfy my need for emotional closure. do better

CATE. now ms. gorl, we were rooting for you. and you went and made a mess of things. and quite frankly, trying to get to jordan destroyed my last string of patience for her ass, and it was already fraying the minute she messed with sam. i am officially un-identifying as a cate apologist. if we bein honest, marie should have gone for the other hand too.

bruh, lowkey loved sam’s arch this episode, i don’t know. his character intrigues me, and he’s been through so much stuff, i just wanna give him a hug. When he said “I hate myself.” i felt like crying. homelander needs to keep his greasy no good, bloody mf hands off of him, i swear

Ok this is getting lengthy

i love this show and it’s characters, for the record, in case that wasn’t clear lol

8.5/10

[itsana004]

I'll debunk another semi-popular (?) myth. I don't think many people even considered it to be popular at all, so consider this post more like a fun fact, but also I think (at least from what I've seen) that most people generally believe Gauche and Droite knew about Chris, or knew that he was Kaito's dueling mentor and that he abandoned him ever since the training days. Although I really liked this because it's fun to think about, I realized that it wasn't true (I still would have loved it to be true because I just need more lore and character interactions OK).

In anime it makes it clear that Gauche didn't, so we can say neither did Droite

Screenshot 1 - As you can see Gauche refers to Chris as "The guy who kidnapped Hart" and nothing else, no mention of seeing him around the Heartland Tower, nor him being Kaito's mentor - nothing else.

Screenshot 2 - Gauche was paying attention at the party and saw Kaito confronting Chris and noticing he was talking as if "he knew him well" - this already is proof that Gauche has no idea who this man is. The fact Kaito hasn't killed Hart's kidnapper yet and instead grabs his collar looking angry and betrayed is very telling that they are familiar with one another somehow 😅

Screenshot 3 - Gauche based his research on Chris' appearance based on Yuma's description - this shows that Gauche has never even seen this man before the WDC, he had no memory of a person that matched Yuma's description

And since Gauche doesn't, it should mean the same for Droite, right? Well, about that... this is Chris' storyline/route in 3Ds World Duel Carnival

here Droite asks Chris if he used to be Kaito's mentor, but how would she know is unknown, but in canon she is smart and good at gathering information so she knew it somehow, and I know that this is just a game and could not reflect the canon, but, this game pretty much has all the canon character traits and even adds more fun facts to the character (per example that Chris can play piano) and you damn know I will eat that up and they are basically canon to me but just different routes/storylines. So yeah... Gauche has no fvcking idea who this man is other than the fact he kidnapped a 7 year old sick child (yikes!) but Droite seems to kind of know but asks him to confirm it in the game

[summercreolefanfictioner]

(would’ve asked you in private but we’re having a very important convo about your dog and i just can’t take a break from that) gil to me seems like someone who like warmer climates, france seems warm to me tbh and i can also picture im in the south of france most of the time and of my girl dev sets foot in the human world for someone other than business, you’ll literally find her in the most far away place in scotland where it’s cold and rainy and cloudy and i was curious, if my hc about gilbert liking warm climates how would he view spending a holiday with devyn in scotland?

you make me write abt gil and dev in ungodly hours haha

you've never been to heaven, have you? || autumn dates with devyn

characters: gilbert feinze, devyn kang (feat. aurora and karlheinz)

tw: mentions of sex

-it's safe to say that gilbert is not a fan of colder climates, but it wasn't like he despised it either; but hey at least scotland is not a fvcking scorching summer ground

-so yeah he still followed our darling devyn there bcos boy was so lovesick and he needed answers after their slowburn moment of almost kissing in the one ball

-the night where gilbert was sure something did happen between them

-so when he showed up at her doorsteps, dressed in his high-fashion winter outfit looking like a mafia winter playboy magazine cover of Chanel, devyn almost shut the door in his face, her face red as a tomato as she couldn't believe that he flew all this way to follow her

-and all for that one reason she's trying to avoid

-"I told you not to follow me."

-"I didn't follow you, darling Devyn. I came here after you. If I followed you, then I should've been here the day you arrived."

-devyn swore she wanted to wipe off that shit-eating grin from his face and kick him out so he can bury himself in the snow, but at the same time, she supposes a company from a friend won't hurt

-so yeah she just let him be. besides gil was even helping her out like serving her coffee or arranging some of her paperworks so she can be quickly done. would even feed the dog for her

-even cooks for her bcos devyn is not aware of lunch hours until her stomach started growling out of nowhere

-yes i do the cooking yes i do the cleaning

-he was even helping her find solutions on some of the problems for karl's projects, so let's say there's a dispute between a mining company and an agriculture organization, he will provide a different angle so devyn can formulate an arrangement

-how nice, she thinks, it's like the same old times

-nah it wasn't the same bcos sometimes she would catch him looking at her like she was the most magnificent piece of abstract art

-so once she was done with her work (mind you, she stayed up all night), she spotted gilbert already cozying up on the couch, wrapped in one of her spare thick blankets bcos he can't fvcking stand too much cold

-devyn approached him, carefully shaking him while saying, "you can sleep on my bed, it's far larger" (yeah bcos man is so tall I swear)

-"Are you inviting me for sex?"

-"W-wha—I AM NOT!"

-"Then don't casually offer that suggestion, or I might not be able to control myself."

-so devyn went back to her room and slept, convincing herself that everything is like how they should be, sleeping and hoping to travel in good dreams

-however, all she could see was darkness and despair, flashes of lighting and a huge wave of flood rushing towards her until she saw her beloved and precious aurora giving up every fiber of being she has, chanting devyn's name like a song

-and then she drowned and was never to be seen again. devyn was overcomed with grief as she tried to rescue her

-but no, she saw karlheinz drowning aurora even further, making sure this will be her last breath so she wouldn't be able to touch devyn again. he was smirking evilly as if to say everything played right under his palm

-and that's when devyn woke up with a start, with gil knocking on her door and asking her if something bad happened

-she quickly jumped out of the bed, opening the door and hugging gil as if to tell herself that someone she loves was still alive and untouched by karl, her tears staining his shirt as she cried on his chest

-when gil finally felt her calming down from her heightened emotions, he took her to bed and made sure she was warm and comfy surrounded by blankets

-"I'll go now, darling Devyn. You need sleep because you still have work— "

-but she won't let go, grabbing him by the wrist as she desperately whispered, "Please don't leave. Stay. Stay with me."

-"I'm not going anywhere. I'll leave Scotland the same day you are."

-No!" she almost cried, her eyes glassy with tear stains on her cheeks. "Not that... just... don't leave me here. I... I need you."

-and she kept repeating to him

-"I need you."

-"I need you."

-"I need you."

-"I NEED YOU."

-he grabbed her shoulders and made her look at him seriously.

-"Listen, Devyn. I will do anything you want me to do for you, and that's how much I'm willing to go. However, once this happens, there's no turning back. We'll be risking everything, even our lives, just for this. Are you sure this is the way you want to die?"

-she nodded, desperate to be in his arms

-and afterward, everything was a hazy blur of needy kisses, hot whispers, tangled limbs, and devotions of love and passion

-they were in heaven... for now

-because this sinful affair will lead them to hell after

[queenmayor23]

Fighting the Good Fight

got the idea for this while listening to a book called Whisper by Tal Bauer and watching an episode of True Life that show is fvcking bonkers.

"Hey. I'm home."

The pitter-patter of feet gradually became louder as the five-year-old ran to hug Y/N. Y/N crouched down and embraced the kid in his pajamas, a taller man following behind, fussing in Parsik about how the kid was almost asleep, and now he has to put him down again.

"I'm sorry. I miss you guys. Hey kiddo, the faster you fall asleep, the more time we have tomorrow. So can you go to sleep for your Baba, and tomorrow we can go to the park and get ice cream."

"O-tay." The kid follows the man back into the bedroom.

Y/N walks into the kitchen to warm up food. After eating and taking a shower, Y/N gets in bed; moments later, the man climbs in bed behind Y/N, becoming the big spoon. His arms smoothly grabbed Y/N's waist.

"I know those hands. Those are the "I'm nervous about something" hands, and the last time I felt them was when you told me about the kid. So what's going on, Raqqa?"

The arms grew tighter, trapping Y/N by the waist as small kisses hit Y/N's neck.

"Oh, this is serious."

"Yeah, we'll talk about it later. Rest tonight, my love."

The next day after going to the zoo and a hike through the park Raqqa and Y/N found themselves seated on a weathered wooden bench watching the kid on the playground as the sun dipped below the horizon casting long shadows across the park.

Raqqa exhales, cracking his knuckles and crossing his arms. "I've been watching the war in Ishtar. The rebels need help. They are outgunned and outmanned; if they don't change the tide soon, they could lose the country to dictatorship."

"So what, we're rounding up the troops for support?"

"I volunteered my efforts."

Y/N turned to face Raqqa, but Raqqa kept his eyes trained on the playground before them. "Volunteered efforts? As in "Uncle Sam wants you" or-"

"There will be others. But as far as the government is concerned, no."

Y/N trembled out a breath as he attempted to speak. "So… what does that mean?"

"I'm leaving for Ishtar in two weeks."

A tear fell from Raqqa's eye as he clenched his lips together. Y/N settled a hand on Raqqa's leg, calming him enough to open his mouth again. "You know where the key is for the emergency safe; everything you need is there. You're on the pick-up and emergency list for school; you know the schedule, our routines…"

"Raqqa-"

Out of nervousness, Raqqa begins speaking in Parsik, not noticing the switch. Y/N listens to him ramble until Raqqa turns to Y/N. Raqqa takes Y/N's hands in his. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize, but if you're this nervous about it, maybe you shouldn't go."

Raqqa's gaze dropped to the ground, his eyes flickering with a blend of sorrow and determination. "I know, Y/N. But it is my duty to my homeland, and I can't turn my back on it."

A knot formed in Y/N's stomach, and his voice choked with emotion. "I can't bear the thought of losing you, Raqqa… and telling your kid that Baba isn't coming home. It hurts thinking about it. You have something special here. Why leave it? Is it me? Am I pushing you away? Am I not doing enough? That's why you didn't want me over all week, right?"

Raqqa's fingers reached out, gently brushing against Y/N's face. "Ya omri. You are perfect in every way. I was- am scared to tell you all of this. But seeing you today gave me all the confidence I needed to know that you're the one I want to be here when I return."

Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes. "I'm proud of you, Raqqa, but that doesn't make it any easier. Having to worry about every phone call, every knock at the door. It terrifies me."

Raqqa's grip tightened on Y/N's face, his voice quivering with love and pain. "I'll do everything I can to return to you. You and the kid are the reason I fight, a light guiding me through the darkest of nights." Raqqa releases Y/N and digs in his pocket. He pulls out a gold link chain with his dog tags and a Chrome ring with Yellow Gold Inlay, putting it around Y/N's neck.

"I know we talked about not buying engagement rings; that's what the chain is for, but just in case I don't come back-"Raqqa couldn't finish his sentence.

"I do." Y/N said, knowing it could be his only chance to say those two words to the man he truly loved.

"Promise me you'll be as strong as the man I fell in love with and believe in us, in our love, even while I'm far away."

Y/N nodded, tears streaming down his face. "I'll hold onto that promise, Raqqa. I'll be here, waiting for you, praying for your safe return. Just promise me you'll take care of yourself and come back to us."

In the heated moment, Raqqa connected their lips, grabbing the back of Y/N's neck. Their embrace was a mixture of desperation and tenderness. After the initial shock, Y/N deepened the kiss until both were out of breath. It was their first kiss. They clung to one another and found comfort in their newfound intimacy, praying that no matter the future, hoping that their love would be enough to withstand the trials ahead.

[scoups4lyfe]

Welcome to the Show -BD PPT Part 10

Again, I have ADHD and BD and can agree that yes, My ADHD symptoms sucked extra hard when added to the early BD onset.

The below entry shows (1) binge-eating and (2) OCD intrusive-esque thoughts.

[Journal entry]

October 1st, 2022

Sabbath, 3:24 PM

Last night I went to bed at about 6:00 AM. Today I woke at 2:30-ish. 

The first thing I noticed when I got out of bed was (1) I was very tired, (2) my neck hurt just a bit, so I slept on it wrong—not badly enough though—because it doesn’t hurt at all now, praise the lord; (3) hungry. 

There was a hunger about me. 

I remembered how last night like a desperate man I scavenged through our kitchen. I think it’s the mania making me hungry, because I just felt this overwhelming need to eat something. 

The caramel was gone, as was the jam, so I had taken an apple we got on wednesday that we bought from a farmer lol, and now it was all I had. So I ate about half of it. 

These honey crisp apples taste really good. I kind of chided myself for indulging in one though, because my stomach was burning pain—like scabs inside my gut, or internal bleeding—and I had trouble with even the idea of consuming any kind of solid food. My dad brought home instant mashed potatoes because of this. So, what in the world was I doing at 4:00 in the morning??? Eating an apple when I know solid food isn't going to go down well? (Doesn’t matter cause I ate it anyway, lmao.) 

But I was still hungry—so I ate old taco bell beef-corn tortilla hard shell—tacos that sat on the stove. (That can’t be a healthy dietary choice LOL.) After I finished one of them, I went back to my room, I don’t know to do what, probably waste time on youtube or with editing screenshots from Donbrothers episode 19, and man my stomach took to that taco like gasoline to fire. 

Almost immediately I regretted making that choice. 

But then an hour later I went back to the leftover taco bell, and had some of the dorito taco (not all of it), just maybe ⅓ or half. [Then I fvcked around and went to bed maybe a few hours later.] 

Today is sabbath—so y’know—I’m supposed to be resting. And I AM. 

Comma, space, however—

Well. There are just things that I want to do. I’ve gathered my sketchbook, [insert a bunch of writing journals and reference books] and also my pencil case. 

(LMAO.) 

Ngl though, the fact that it’s 4:00 PM had the burning—lightning-ous—feeling, back inside my stomach. I had it before I even started this journal entry, and I still have it now. Like my mind—or more aptly, my fvcking stupid-a$$ intrusive thoughts (Kyle <3) —  just kept repeating:

 “ah, the day is over, you didn’t do anything, the day is over, you didn’t do anything, the day is basically already finished and what are you doing? Sitting here on the couch knowing that you will never be able to do any of the things that you want to do, because the day is over and you’ve already done nothing. You’ve done it again. The only thing it seems you **are** able to do—  nothing. Isn’t that funny? Now you’ll have to try again on Sunday, and inevitably fail again. The day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over  the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over the day is over

 the day is over—” 

ENOUGH! 

And whenever I look at the clock, or think about the time, or even just see the shadows in the curtains, my thoughts do it all over again—and again—and again. 

Then I can feel the breath in my throat, and all the energy inside my stomach just is everywhere. Anxiety. 

(Not a great feeling lmao.) 

So yeah—I’ll try and come back here before I go to bed ( I mean, don’t count on it LOL), and so ….yeah. I got nothing else to really say rn other than, uh, see you later? (Lordt.) 

[entry end]

The above entry I think does a good job at showing binge-eating. It’s super easy for people with BD to end up with an eating disorder.

I fvcking fainted in college because I slept during the cafeteria hours so I was surviving on like…vending machine m&ms. Not to mention when I get in those depressive periods I can go full days without eating because I either can’t get out of bed or the idea of eating makes me nauseous.

And then there will be days where I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, and almost like sleep-walk in a daze to the kitchen and eat whatever I can get my hands on no matter how sh*tty and unappetizing it is.

Anyways—all this to say that BD comes with extra baggage of mental illness 😵‍💫🤤🥴🤕👻👾👾👾👾👽🙀😮‍💨🫠.

Still cannot stop laughing at the youtube comment LOL.

"Wow! Bipolar people are human too!" Like yeah, who would've thought

🤪

Just goes to show how powerful and prevalent stigma is for mental illness -- but esp. for BD.

Hopefully this info helps get rid of that stigma >:/

....༼ง’̀-‘́༽ง

༼ง’̀-‘́༽ง mfer

If someone tells you they’re Bipolar, that can be a very real and very big thing. That means they trust you. So writing it off as, “that doesn’t matter to me” comes off as insensitive because it matters to US, bro. It fvcking matters to us.

I was watching a podcast where the speaker (who had Bipolar) was talking about their experience where they met this guy that seriously did not believe Bipolar was a real actual thing and thought those people needed to “get over themselves.” Which infuriates me to the SEVENTH degree. It’s also wild asf, but again.

Y’all don’t know SHXT when it comes to Bipolar

For those still asking this question:

tldr; y'all don't know SHXT about Bipolar. x2

"Y'all" including mental health professionals and doctors 🤪

naw fr though.

Normally I would be like "yeah, whatever" but using that as an adj can get tricky ESPECIALLY if you start using it to describe a person because then you might spread unintentional bias and misinformation onto others.

"Oh --Vegas is bipolar?" No. He is NOT bipolar.

Don't. fvcking. Use. That. ADJECTIVE!!!

So, Werewolves = Bipolar in a nutshell

(Let me explain lmao.) 

Werewolves have 2 sides to themselves — the human side, which is mainly present and in control, and the beast — which comes out every moon cycle or so, raises all sorts of hell, and then disappears. Always leaving the human counterpoint to deal with the aftermath. 

Humans that turn into werewolves prepare for full moons — often going into isolation so as to not hurt their loved ones, or irreparably damage their life, and the lives of those around them. 

With a good support system, a werewolf can live a normal life (mostly), where their other-self isn’t always wrecking havoc. For people with Bipolar, it’s the same. We are not always werewolves. We are often human. Our illness is cyclical — it will always have a new cycle, and it cannot be cured. When we have an “episode” — though no two bipolar people are the same; how we act, think, feel, and what we do can change. We are not separate from “the beast,” however. Both sides are very much the same person. Though they can be drastically — drastically —  different.  

In his interview with Rolling Stone, Ian stated (about one of the songs on his album): 

“— On “Miss Understood,” it’s a character’s diary entry where she fell in love with Ian but she kinda fell in love with MITO, too. It comes from personal experience; I want to date when I’m Ian, but there was one moment where she liked the darkness in me, which was weird because it’s like, “You don’t really know what this brings.” But she stuck around, and it was hard to be me in front of her. There was a sense of inferiority, for sure, because I know how different I am between my states, but also I was very cautious not to give my all in that [down] state because I’m not wanting to hurt someone mentally. So I’d just seclude myself. A lot of the songs in this album hit on this note.”

For the moon, Bipolar episodes are (as previously stated, perhaps multiple times) cyclical. They run in cycles — over and over and over again. The days come and go, but then there will always be that transition into a full moon, just as how the entire moon will also eventually completely disappear from sight during a New Moon. (Plus the connection / belief popular culture has with the superstition that a Full Moon brings madness with it / lunacy.) 

So we’ve finally come to the end of this PPT series…genuinely hoped this was enlightening to anyone it happened to come across.

If you have any other questions feel free to comment or dm me. 🥳

PREV

Journal Entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5)

PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6], [7] , [8], [9]

Visual Clips (Depressive Episodes): (1), (2)

[seeuxiu]

𝗖𝗔𝗨𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗬𝗢𝗨

-S.Koushi X Reader.

- fake situation, fake all.-

- warning!! mentions of bl00d, swear!ngs, k!ll!ng and use of g<ns.-

he opened door, expecting the whole room to only see the light coming from outside, yet he was surprised when he sees you in the kitchen eating something.

he closed the door and smiled at you, he held your waist as he kissed your cheek.

" it's already 3 in the morning "

he saw her laugh while she continued to eat.

" sorry, I just don't care what time it is when it comes to food " she said which makes the other to laugh as well.

" I can see that wifey. "

suga thinks he has the perfect life. with you always awake when he comes out from work. hugging his perfect wife makes his whole body more comfortable. all he needs to do is to clean the mess up and everything will be peaceful.

—

screams and shouts were all heard as the 𝘄𝗼𝗹𝗳 took the man down in just a one shot. no bullets were wasted for the single target. blood gushing out on the man's head as he makes sure to target the brain. it's all easy for him though, the job to clean that up is not included on his job description anyways.

" nice work, agent 3017 or should I say agent wolf "

his boss said to him as he puffs out a smoke.

" you should give me some challenging tasks sometimes, k!lling a president of a company makes me bored, you know? " he smirked while the man smiled at him.

" I did not regret hiring you " he said which made suga scoff.

" I did not plan to work for you, all I need here is the money " he puffs out more not giving any ounce of respect to the man infront of him.

" why are you asking for more money, we gave you a black card. " the man said, getting annoyed but suddenly his face was clashed against the wall behind his head.

seriously, this man is fvcking loud.

" you fvcker, of course I deserved that card. as much as I enjoy blasting other peoples head if you piss me off even more I wouldn't mind blasting your head instead. "

" you're crazy, it's only because the boss favors you that's why I hadn't shot my bullets to your body! " suga smirked as he shoved his gun through the man's head.

" you're seriously pissing me off, y'know " he shot the man through his head as the blo*d splashed through his face.

" such a fvcking waste, could've donated the bl0od to the hospital instead " he smiles as he wipes his face.

a few minutes later a lot of body guards came and saw the blo*d and the corpse on the floor. they immediately dispatched the body as they questioned what happened.

" it's just that he's pissing me off, it's already past my work time, yet he's not willing to give me my paycheck. " the man laughs at him as he touches suga's shoulder.

" just admit it, you enjoy k!lling people before they even pay you " suga smiled as he dropped the cigarette and smashed it in the floor.

" you seriously know me too well, Daichi " as the office was cleaned again they chatted a few more and bid their goodbyes.

—

" aren't you a bit late today koushi? " you said as he looked at her with an awkward smile.

" well, I bought you this " he hands the paper bag whilst the other smiled.

" you bought this because you know I'll get mad huh " you playfully punched him in the chest as he just laughed at you.

" of course not! it's just because I genuinely thought of you while heading home. " he pulled your waist as he gently combed your hair with his fingers.

" yeah right " she smiled as he saw the roses that were still placed in the corner of the room.

this smooth handsome fine man. he surely knows how to get you.

—

" you did good agent 3017 " a smug grin formed in his face as daichi gave him a new car key.

" the boss was the one who requested to give you this. they may have taken a liking towards you. " daichi said as suga just shook his head.

" too bad for them " he shows the ring to daichi which made the other tease him.

" oh I almost forgot, the boss requests to see you. " suga doubted for a minute. it's his first time to see the boss, but he showed no worry after a while and decided to come with daichi.

after almost 30 minutes of driving, they arrived in front of a big building and as they entered they were escorted with at least four body guards, making sure that they are safe.

after going through the elevator, they arrived to the boss office and as they got infront of the wide door they were stopped.

" the boss only requests to see agent wolf. " the man strictly said as daichi just nods and took a step back.

as the door opened, suga walked cautiously. he stopped in the middle once he saw that very familiar polaroids that are placed in the table.

his wife is not in danger is she?

where did that person get those polaroids of them?

" what the hell did you do to my wife..? " he asked as he thinks about it, his hands in cold sweat as he tries himself not to be nervous. just touch all of his belongings but not his wife.

suddenly, he froze when he heard the person's familiar voice.

" what do you mean? " she turned her chair around as she looked at the surprised man infront of her.

" I AM your wife, suga " she stands up and and leans forward as she whispered in his ear.

" I 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂. "

[against-all-0dds]

hey you, yes, you! If you are a non-man reading this, PLEASE TO GOD GO WRITE A MUSICAL! I realized yesterday that idk any female or non-male composers, lyricists or book writers of musicals, SO GO FIND A WRITING PARTER AND WTITE A FVCKING SHOW!

[ultramaga]

"He is clearly the better of the two options" There's only two options because the corruption of the Dems means they didn't field other options, nor allow third parties a foot in the door. Your faction chose this man long ago, and refused to get rid of him even when the stench was obvious.

Trump was President. The mass executions et al that Leftists predicted didn't happen. What did happen was that Leftists GLOBALLY burned, looted, and raped. And were set free by Leftist politicians.

Hell, Leftists seceded from the Union via CHAZ/CHOP. That's the sort of behaviour that should have got the military involved, but the Republican and the Democrats both hate Trump and were happy to destroy the Union to get rid of him. Of course, the Leftist Utopia fell into a tyranny, then collapsed, despite Democrat funding. Oops. "in a perfect world, I would love if we had an opposing party" Bullshit. Communists love the One Party System, which is why you said you would arrest Trump for treason, and ended up arresting him for charges that applied to no-one else in history, charges that certainly would have annihilated Clinton, not to mention JFK, but you decided that sex work was not real work, and he had to be punished for dallying with a hooker.

Because Leftists have no principles, and will do whatever it takes for the Communist Utopia. Arresting political enemies on Trumped up charges, stacking the jury, picking the venue, getting a judge who is an activist and who has stated he hated Trump - that's all par for the course to the commies. They don't care about committing atrocies, because they see an Earthly Paradise at the end.

What does it matter if you do evil acts? It is for The Greater Good! "People are entitled to hope for ... at least two supreme court justices to die…" It's funny how happy the Leftists were with the Supreme Court when they had it going their way, then as soon as one bad decision is overturned, the Leftists are calling for political assassinations.

"for anyone tempted to think, 'Well, we survived Trump's first term,' first, not everyone did" Leftists had Trump where they wanted him. If they could prove he was a murderer, they would have. They can't. They insinuate it endlessly, of course, because lying is as natural as breathing to them, but they can't seem to find even one fvcking body they can pin on him. Meanwhile -

The Dems silenced anyone who so much as mentioned what Hunter Biden did, the secrets he had access to, the cocaine stashes in the Whitehouse ... People were permabanned on social media for saying true things, on the grounds that facts are "misinformation".

"Trump's first term was defined by chaos" Ah yes, the low inflation, high employment, lack of wars, and riots by Leftists demanding a Communist State.

It's definitely not the Leftists causing chaos, it must be The Orange Man. He uses mind control rays or something. Trumpppp!

"Project 2025 is a movement who's members joke about wanting a white homeland" Should have been easy to show the evidence for this. Funny how Biden can't manage that. Maybe he left it in his trousers and it went through the wash?

"as long as the electoral college exists, this will be the reality" So you want to dismantle the Republic? Overthrow the constitution? Have some balls, soyboy, be honest about this. How do you propose tearing up the united states without ending up dangling from a noose?

Every Leftist is convinced they will be El Presidente. None of them realise that they get to be the slave digging in the mines, or the miserable factory drone.

The delusions of the Democrat Voters are amazing. Again and again, they get the same results, and again and again, they are surprised, and manage to avoid any responsibility, saying it was Gamergate and Russian Bots and Trump who made their leaders do the same things over and over. Every bloody time.

"- I have a lot of problems with Biden. He is clearly the better of the two options, which I recognize is a very low bar. Being better than Trump cannot be the standard, because Donald Trump is the absence of a standard.

"But the truth is, even if Trump looses, that won't be the end of this. The people who cooked up Project 2025 will just move onto Project 2029 instead, because for them, this is so much more than just one election, or indeed, one candidate. Project 2025 is born from impulse as old as America. It's an impulse that says one class of Americans is entitled to lead, and the rest of us are lucky to be allowed to serve- that thinks there should be a limited government when it comes to rules they have to live by, but also a unitary executive to keep the rest of us in line. These are old, old ideas that have been shouted from podiums-... but have now been placed into a new handbook for an only too willing president to use on day one.

"And in a perfect world, I would love if we had an opposing party better able to articulate a strong defense of our country's ideals and that also consistently lived up to them. People are entitled to hope for more from the next four years than someone just not being Trump (and for at least two supreme court justices to die)-...

"And for anyone tempted to think, 'Well, we survived Trump's first term,' first, not everyone did, and it should hopefully be very clear by now a second Trump term really does promise to be far, far worse, because if Trump's first term was defined by chaos, his second could be defined by ruthless efficiency. That should be troubling to absolutely everyone because Project 2025 is a movement who's members joke about wanting a white homeland and insist women have to have more babies to uphold western society.-

"We need to be better than this."

-John Oliver, June 19th of 2024

[saucedxlls]

you ever have a weird dream where once you wake up you sit there like "why tf did my brain think that"

(i feel like because of how weird this shit is CW: pedos & cutting pedos dix off)

i'll start, had a weird ass dream where i was on youtube and there was a video where ashnikko & like 10 other german girls go to 2 pedos house, who for some reason looked like rhett & link if rhett & link went throught decades of alcohol abuse and lack of self-care, they break into their houses, cut both their d!cks and sew they together.

i would put like "an artist rendition" of how this happened, but i'm 99.9% sure that being on the internet would be a WHOLE lot weirder knowing there's a drawing out there where i tried to draw what i'm about to describe, so imagine two... things, one cut in half & sewed on top in the MIDDLE of the other one & the other one's... head is cut off & replace with the rest of the first one, i know you're uncomfortable, i'm uncomfortable, everyone in this god forsaken process is umcomfortable, let's move one.

oh and did i mention this was a commentary video? cause the beginning was an uncensored video of what i just described and then some guy comes on screen to reveal that right after she did this, ash released a line of merch that... like, idk how to explain this so like here's a drawing:

my memory of this is foggy but i remember it being bright and looks like something you'd find in hot topic, and than in this dream she made an animated shocksite gore series, btw in this dream this vid was posted in 2019 and it was 2024 and in 2024 the internet had pretty much been wiped from any proof of this show and the site it was on, the only thing i could find of it was a screenshot of the homepage on google and i spent too much time on the drawing of merch i thought in a fucking dream so i'm not drawing this out, just imagine this homepage

with a dark teal and light teal theme, ashnikko's face in the top left corner and shockvideos

so like the dumbass i am, in this dream after a few minutes of searching i managed to pirate the show a.k.a. i found a reddit post from 2020 with a mp4 file that was a compilation of every episode, there was only 3 and each were barely 10 minutes long, y'know those neon animal posters from the early 2000s? like these

so imagine that combined with happy tree friend if the plot of each episode of cleary written by 2018/2019 "stupid boy" & "slumber party" ash, also one of the characters was wearing a slutever t-shirt so that's useless info but i may as well

anyways insert that weird dream switch and i'm back in my shitty neighborhood i just moved out of a month ago, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, anyways i walk into my friends houses which is just my old house but if my old house was from the show hoarders, i walk into the bedroom and a homeless man "breaks in" even tho they left the door wide open and all the windows were unlocked, i don't think literally anything happened after that and i'm suddenly in the school from the girl from nowhere but even more plain, one of my friends from my old school gives me a birthday card to give to my brother even tho his birthday's in may and it's the beginning of august, and just when i try to talk to her, her friend goes "umm no fuck that" and swoops in to take her to lunch

last thing i remember is me using microsoft word and i'm trying to write "emily youcis" but for some fvcking reason a type "elmly enncis" also the alfred's playhouse theme is playing at one volume on loop

i wake up, pondered my sanity for a few seconds, had to write emily youcis out on paper because i know that i know how to spell this woman's name and some what moved on

thanks for reading my rant!!!11!11!

[itsana004]

erm… Vetrix (Tron) for the character ask? He’s my silly idk

Hiiii kanamori! I just want to start by saying IM SORRY IT TOOK ME AGES TO GET BACK TO YOU PLEASE FORGIVE MEEEE

Ohhhh Tron! He's a character I posted a few times about in my blog but I haven't really got into how I feel about him so this is a really interesting character suggestion! So here lays my truest thoughts on Byron/Tron.

•How do I feel about this character

Omg, I have a love/hate relationship with him?? There is a part of me who thinks he's one of the best villains of Zexal, he's an evil freckin gremlin and he's so funny and just wanna squeeze him to death, but then there is a part of me who wants to squish him like a bug and wants to see him being obliterated.

Do I hate him because of episode 54? Not really, I hate him like in a funny kind of way, I like to make memes of Droite flipping him off or just stepping on him but that's it really, oh but I have a visceral hate for the writers absolutely! Tron is just a silly old deadbeat dad manchild whose not in fault for writer's questionable writing when it comes to women and their pleasure in utterly humiliating them but that's that.

Also I find it interesting that he took this childlike form, has a childish behaviour while having a calculative and calm demeanor of an adult at the same time?? It really makes his character very fun and he definitely teases Faker and Kazuma about his youth while they get wrinkles every year.

ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT TRON'S VISCERAL HATE FOR HIS SECOND SON IV??? I FIND IT SO FUNNY AND THE MEMES ARE GOLD BUT LIKE OMG IV IS BETTER THAN ME CAUSE I WOULD NEVER RECOVER FROM THAT.

•All the people you ship romantically with this character

Let's start with HOW THIS MAN IS SO FVCKIGN GAY FOR FAKER??? Like he goes through the effort to make him coffee because of how stressed Faker is and Faker destroys the cup AND HE STILL REMAINS COMPOSED AND CALM, that's like... toxic level of simping right there, yes, this man is a fvcking simp and his decision as Tron to still save his life and work with the man lured him and pushed him off a cliff, betrayed him, left his sons orphan, made him go through hell, AND ALL IT TOOK TO FORGIVE HIM WAS FAKER'S SORRY ASS AND THEM FLOATING IN THE BACKGROUND JUST BEING GAY ASF, yes, at this point no matter what Faker does, this man is gonna come back to him because that's just how much he's gay for him. Like look at him how he keeps showering Faker with compliments to Kazuma while Faker is not there to listen LIKE??? And they both lost their wife, just saying, more trauma bonding and free gay to roam idk

And the revenge plan of Byron, you know what they say, the greatest hate comes from deepest love, and just when his toxic bf apologies showing remorse, he goes back back to him just like that

In conclusion, Byron is super gay for Faker, like on a toxic level gay, but I guess that makes it hot.

•My non-romantic OTP for this character

OTP would sound weird so let's just say any non-romantic relationship, I guess that would be with his sons and I guess I'm mostly influenced by the fandom memes and his hatred for his second son, they are all funny and sometimes makes me really wish for a sitcom for the Arclight family.

I also love his friendship with his old buddies Kazuma and Faker and idk maybe should all go for a gay bonding trip again

•My unpopular opinion about this character

Honestly I'm not sure about this one, I think we all agree he was the best villain in Zexal I

I think he should have appeared more in Zexal II, is that an unpopular opinion?

•One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character

Like I said before, I really want a sitcom of Arclight family and them just interacting with one another they are so funny

Also I will hate the writers forever for pretending that Droite and Tron never dueled, BRUH, LET THEM EXCHANGE ONE CONVERSATION? ONE TINY BIT? NO? FVCK. YOU. WRITERS. There was this fanfic where all the people gather to the W.D.C. party (before the Tournaments start) to the next year one and they have such a funny exchange and I FEEL ROBBED.

And I just wanted to see him brew more chaos in Zexal II while he barely appeared, I really want to know how he would play out in Zexal III.

I'm again sorry for this very long post and for taking such a long time! And thank you so much for sending an ask it makes me so happy to see them even if I'm not the best at answering them right away 💞💞

[headless-angel-writes]

Summary: Reagan, a genius at her workplace, must deal with domestic chaos while her inept father moves in with her.

The characters belong to Shion Takeuchi

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47268742

Fanfiction: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14234494/1/I-m-not-a-fvcking-plumber

Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/1344280009-i%27m-not-a-fvck1ng-plumber-single-part

..............................................................................................................................

Reagan is exhausted. Things at Cognito had not been easy since her father, Rand Ridley, collapsed and was forced to retire. She was taking over his job now, without neglecting her own. She deserved a promotion. Or a salary increase or a new tote bag, at the very least. 

But of course, any of those things were too much to expect. The only thing she got out of it was her asshole father staying with her. His mother kicked him out of the house after he lost his job and now she was the one who had to take care of all the shit.

And what a load of crap. Reagan found her father lying on the couch, drunk and wearing pajamas, surrounded by all the trash he generated while she was away. For God's sake, she wasn't the neatest person in the world, but Rand was on another level. Tiredly, she headed towards her kitchen; she was starving.

While she was heating up a slice of Pizza in the microwave, she noticed how her sink faucet was dripping. Oh, shit.

"Dad," she called from the kitchen, "could you fix that leak?”

"I'm not a fucking plumber, kiddo!"

Reagan rolled her eyes. She picked up her plate and went to sit next to Rand in the living room. He was watching TV, where a group of terraplanists were defending their views. How stupid. Just another issue brought on by her father that she would have to deal with in the future.

She tried to forget about it and focus on her dinner. Then, her eyes fell on the wall where the television was. A wet spot was protruding from the ceiling and almost reached the floor. Again, oh shit. She let out a sigh, her damn house was falling apart.

“While you're here rent-free, could you help me paint that wall?”

Rand let out a sarcastic laugh.

"I'm not a fucking painter," he said and took a long sip of his beer.

The only thing Reagan could do was let out another sigh. She didn't have the energy at the moment to fight with her father. She would have to find a way to work it out on her own. However, that could wait until tomorrow.

Finishing her less-than-nutritious dinner, she got up from the couch to set her plate down on the stove. 

“Whatever. I'm off to bed. I have work to do tomorrow.”

The man didn't answer. Reagan didn't take it personally. She was used to his manner. She walked towards the stairs, she was sure that she would fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Her hand went toward the switch trying to turn on the light. It didn't work. Oh shit, for the third time.

"Would you make yourself useful for once and fix this?" Reagan shouted.

As soon as she said it, knew what his answer would be. 

“Damn it Reagan! Don't you get it?! I'm not a fucking electrician!”

Could she have expected any other kind of response from him? Anyway, she was exhausted. Tomorrow she would find a way to fix everything without his help. She always did.

..............................................................................................................................

Rand returned home after making a fuss in front of the White House. If he kept bothering like this, he was sure JR would soon give him his job back. He was surprised when, upon entering the house, he found Reagan putting on her makeup in the living room and dressed to go out. Weird, his daughter seldom had plans after work.

That was not the only thing that caught his attention. A quick glance made him notice that the damp stain was gone and the wall was showing its original color again. He went to check the kitchen and the light in the stairwell. Everything was working properly. Also, the garbage was gone and there was a fresh lemon scent in the air.

"House looks good kiddo, did you hire someone?"

Reagan shook her head, while adjusting her red dress.

"Not exactly."

He raised an eyebrow. Her daughter was a freaking genius in engineering, but a totally useless in domestic matters.

"Then, what happened?"

She looked at him, or as close to as she could manage, and gave him a half-smile.

“Do you recognize Cognito's new intern, Brett Hand?”

"Oh yeah, the moron that JR hired."

-Well, I asked him to help me with home repairs. He said I could pay him back by either shagging him, or baking him a cake.

Wow, Cognito's glory days were long gone. Now they were really hiring shameless perverts. In older days, perverts would try to hide a little bit. 

"What a shitty guy, but at least he knows how to work. Did you have any cake left over?"

This time, Reagan looked him straight in the eye. It was too awkward to hold his daughter's gaze.

“Don't you understand, Dad? I'm not a cake-baking whore.”

Rand opened his mouth in surprise, processing her words. Before he could reply that she indeed was some kind of "whore", Reagan walked out of the house without looking at him.

..............................................................................................................................

Reagan laughed loudly as she headed for her car. She loved pissing off her father in any way possible. He deserved that kind of treatment. Hopefully that would teach him to be a little more cooperative at home.

Brett, after she whined to him about it over lunch the day before, told her that he would be happy to help her with any necessary home repairs. Not asking for sexual favors in return, of course. He was too nice to think of such a thing and was willing to help without expecting anything in return. All because of his need for everyone to like him.

She decided to invite him out to dinner to express her gratitude. Reagan hated to admit it, yet she was starting to feel a strong affection for Brett. She was shocked by it, but she couldn't help it, he was nice and very charming. Plus, he genuinely cared about her well being.

Who knows, perhaps one day having a more intimate relationship with him would become a reality.

..............................................................................................................................

Hello!

This is my first Inside Job fanfiction. I love this series and I've been wanting to write about it for a while. This is based on a stupid and very old joke, I once saw a Johnlock fanfic with the same theme and I thought why not?  Sorry if it's a bit OoC, it always happens to me when I start a new fandom.

Next time, I’ll write something exclusively about Breagan <;3.

Thank you so much for reading c:

Ciao!

[summercreolefanfictioner]

Queen Cordelia of the House Sakamaki (Game of Thrones AU)

(moodboard + plot headcanons)

Queen Cordelia of the House Sakamaki. Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men. Lady of the Seven Kingdoms. Protector of the Realm. The Lady of Thorns. The Woman Who Descended from Magic. The Mother of the Three Formidable Weapons of Westeros. The One Who Bears the Heir to the Throne.

although Cordelia had dreamed the life of a queen standing beside her king and giving birth to his children at a very young age due to those fantasy books she had read, that dream ultimately turned into a nightmare when she married Karlheinz

at first it was all romance and butterflies and heart-fluttering confessions of an undying love between a king and a queen

until she felt like a fvcking pawn into all Karlheinz's chaotic mess

she was a proud one, holding her chin up high as she sneers on everyone bcos they're all below her, but they laugh at her when she isn't looking, letting her know how pathetic she is for thinking a queen like her is held in a higher regard

after all, they lived in a world where men were the only ones to rule

and when she feels like she couldn't take them anymore, she would visit her home back in Sunspear and lament to her mother, Menae, about her misfortunes in Westeros

"You have to be strong, my child. You are the queen of Westeros. You need to serve your king just like in the prophecy."

ofc Menae died after a few months due to old age, leading Cordelia into a spiral of depression and tons of trust issues

it didn't help that after marriage, all Karl could blame her was the fact that she couldn't get pregnant

more like Cordelia didn't want to be pregnant at the time as she wasn't ready to become a mother. after all, she was still lamenting and figuring out her way to the top

she expected Karl to meet her with understanding

only for her to find out that Karl secretly brought a noble lady (Beatrix) into the castle and announced that this woman was bearing his firstborn

this is punishment! that bastard is punishing me, she thought bitterly

so Cordelia became obedient, making sure not to drink any tea that would hinder her pregnancy.

but alas, her efforts were all in vain bcos three months before its birth, she suffered a miscarriage that would scar her forever

even Karl did not meet her with sympathy, he only went after Beatrix and she bore him, yet again, his second born

a year later, Cordelia gave birth to the triplets

but she wasn't happy abt it. she was vengeful as she held them, promising herself to use her sons against their own father and achieve her own happy ending

ofc Karl did not stop there bcos Cordelia found out from one of the maids that he impregnated Christa so he could have an heir that would bear the pureblood of his house (that is, in case, Ayato was showing signs that he is a failure as the heir to the throne)

but Cordelia was smarter. she made sure to tear Ayato and Yui apart by having her marry Shin Tsukinami. even connived with the Church to have Christa kidnapped by the Mukamis so she would not come back and replace her as the queen

sexually exploited Kanato by having him sing while she takes random lovers in her bed

also harassed Laito and got him punished for it even tho she was the abuser

also made the other brothers' lives a living hell unless they serve a purpose for her (e.g. Reiji)

ofc let's not forget Richter. the man fvcking loved her to death, but alas, she loved Karl enough to use his love for her

so when she killed Karl with a poisoned wine, she decided to use Richter's loyalty and frame him for his crime

Ayato was still in exile at the time, so she was crowned the Queen of Westeros, sitting on the Iron Throne bcos she deserves it

she believes she finally got her happy ending

well... that is... for now.

STORY MASTERLIST HERE

[themarcusmoreno]

Once again you have created poetry in words, mi amor. The angst, the tenderness and the yearning of both parties was so well done. The lead up to the actual act of intimacy was so beautifully done and the act itself was perfectly written, it was filthy but sweet as well. I know what’s coming after is going to hurt but I could care less in this moment. I would like this fic as a whole tattooed on my brain forever but for now I’ll just read it here and keep it close to my heart. As always, I have my quotes and comments saved so get ready!

You could see the cracks in the roads where the asphalt couldn’t handle the weight of the tanks that were sent in. Because warfare was always the solution to a problem that was not intent on creating war. The infection did not see humanity as its enemy, but rather something to change. Something that it could alter—creating its own version of perfection. Funny how it looked like destruction to you. || You want poetry in words? This right here is a good example of it. This is fvcking beautiful and tragic all the same.

Tracing your eyes down his silhouette, you spotted the scatters of gray coming in through his sparse beard. The sight looked endearing to you. Perhaps it was the notion that he was aging despite the travesty of the world, or maybe it was just Joel. Him and all his stubborn antics wedged their way into your heart. Yet no matter how hard you tried to rid yourself of him, he remained. || *soft distant crying* I love that there’s this passage of time where Joel and Boston have both aged, that the infection didn’t take that from them. Plus, THE YEARNING! Damn, Boston is y e a r n i n g.

He’d shifted from calling you Boston very recently and you began to equate that to him being serious when he was talking. Yet your actual name rarely ever came up. The last time you heard him use it was…when he was in the bathroom, doing what you figured was none of your business. || Oh, that was plenty your business BUT YALL DON’T COMMUNICATE. *muffled screaming* The shift in nickname shows affection and neither of them is addressing it so I’m going to cry.

It told you the truth; this was always how it was meant to go, following a broken path beside a man who could no longer discern love from grief. || *soft distant crying* This is good. This is amazing even but it hurted, ma’am.

“You know we’re allowed to want things Joel,” you said softly, your eyes once again fixated on the slope of his nose and how the sunlight glinted off his cheeks. “Even if it hurts to have them.” || And now I’m crying again, but good cries because it’s beautiful and Boston is right. PLUS, you’ve painted Joel is golden light (in my mind) and I love it.

Your words still echoed in his mind, plucking at his fears like a guitar and playing your own tune of despondent tune of loneliness. He’d heard it before, knew it note for note, but couldn’t find it in himself to play along. || MORE POETRY, fvking perfect.

Joel knew what came with love, had seen the horrors of it first hand, but you…you promised him one that was easy. The simplicity of being with you was unmatched; as if he found the other part of him he didn’t know he was searching for. He was terrified of what losing you would turn him into. What would become of him if you were no longer with him? If you were lost to him. He got a taste of it that night and barely survived. || *soft distant crying* Joel wants such a simply kind of love and Boston gives him that without even knowing. I am f r a g i l e.

The panic, the fear, it all blended into one thing you were tired of feeling. Pain. The pain of possibly losing him after all you’d been through. || Ow™️ *soft sniffles*

He was your tether to this world, the thing that kept you going. That realization—the understanding that Joel would mean more to you than you could ever express into words—terrified you. Suddenly you had something to lose. || PAIN. It’s the good kind of ache but oof, that hurts. The fear of losing one another is real for both of them but neither says a thing and it hurts my heart in the best ways.

“I’ve got you darlin’,” he whispered, his nose brushing along your head. || TENDER JOEL. Just so tender and I just - *soft distant crying*

It seemed that when it came to Joel, one look your way and you were instantly drawn to him. || This is valid. Seeing him that first time really sealed the deal for me AND Boston.

A moment passed between the both of you, simply surrounded by the echoes of nature, but then you saw it. Joel’s lips pulled up into a smile, his brown eyes looking just a bit lighter as he stared at you. The meaning of your words settling beneath his skin. It was a rare occurrence to see Joel smile, but whenever it happened you felt yourself melt beneath his gaze. || *soft sniffles* A smiling Joel makes my heart very happy even while it’s very tender from angst.

Finally you felt like you could breathe again, the air being stolen from your lungs. Only for him to breathe life back into you. His lips slid along yours, a messy combination of teeth and spit and raw passion and you loved it. || *softly* I just know Joel has two kiss modes: one is filthy and needy while the other is slow and attentive. I would like both pls.

Joel wasn’t a possessive man by nature, but you…you made him want to call you his in every manner that was possible. || Idk Joel, I think you might be a little possessive by nature. You definitely have the whole protective by nature down so being possessive as of part of that seems natural.

The name made your toes curl in your boots, the involuntary reaction one he definitely noticed if the smile on his lips was anything to go off of. Shit he liked seeing you like this. Completely pliable beneath his palms. || I just know it’s that smug smile too, I just know it. That smile just - *muffled screams*

“That’s it,” he mumbled, his eyes glazed with lust and words slurred together. “Taste’s so fuckin’ sweet.” || *muffled screams*

The echo of your slick hit your ears, the sound mixing with your combined sounds of pleasure. Creating a euphony of tunes that you could listen to forever. Joel ate you out like a man starved, like a man who would never get to partake in this act ever again in his life. You hoped that wasn’t true. || *softly* I just knew Joel ate 🐱 like a fvcking master and I was RIGHT!

He knew if you stroked him for longer than a few minutes this would be over before it began. But he also couldn’t deny how fucking incredible it felt to feel you touch him like this. He breathed your name against the shell of your ear, his hips bucking into your palm, heat streaking down his spine. Joel wanted to savor this, to remember what exactly this intimacy felt like. || Mxcuse me, who gave you the right to make such a sexci moment this so tender?

He wanted to stay there, forget the world existed and remain wrapped around you. Who would miss either of you? No one. Which is what made the idea so fucking appealing. || *slaps hand on table* LET JOEL HAVE THIS.

“C’mon baby,” he grunted, his hand seeking out yours. Clasping his fingers around yours, he pressed your entwined palms into the ground, keeping it at his leverage. The one thing grounding him as he lost himself in you. || *muffled crying and screaming*

Warmth filled your chest, that now familiar feeling you could finally place, returning with a new vigor. Except this time you welcomed it. Above Joel’s shoulder you caught the glimmer of stars through the broken ceiling, the clear night sky a beautiful backdrop to the man above you. Yet you still found yourself captivated by the brown in his eyes, the shine of hope that hadn’t been there before. || *soft sniffling* Not the shimmer of hope in Joel’s eyes. NOT THE STARS BEING NON-CAPTIVATING COMPARED TO HIS EYES. My heart can only take so much and I AM AT MY LIMIT. *softly* Please give me more though.

Thank you for another amazing chapter, @moonlight-prose. Like I said, I know that things can’t stay this good for long but for the moment I will enjoy the pain to come. I loved, LOVED this chapter and can’t wait to see what else you have in store for us.

HURT

➝ 04. LOVE LIKE GHOSTS

a/n: this chapter took way too long for me to write. mainly because i lost inspo for joel briefly but thankfully @sunflowersteves and @themarcusmoreno helped me find it again. so this one goes to them for being the best enablers and helping me find my love for joel again. chapter three ended on somewhat of a low note, but this paired with the interlude will help ease that pain. i swear. for this part i am going with joel's age in the game not the show.

summary: nearly losing you broke off another piece of who joel was, leaving the distance to remain like a cracked open chasm.

word count: 8.4k+

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

warnings: EXPLICIT SO MINORS DNI (we've made it people!), cussing, angst, fluff, tad bit of romance, grief, p in v sex, oral (f receiving), injuries, the insufferable stubbornness of two people.

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The streets were empty, rotting cars scattered along the side of the highway as if pushed out of the way. They were left there to decay, vines wrapping around whatever remained of the shell, the inside hollow of memories. Everything you knew from the old life, from a world that only remained in memories now turned bitter, was gone.

You could see the cracks in the roads where the asphalt couldn’t handle the weight of the tanks that were sent in. Because warfare was always the solution to a problem that was not intent on creating war. The infection did not see humanity as its enemy, but rather something to change. Something that it could alter—creating its own version of perfection. Funny how it looked like destruction to you.

Silence filled the car as Joel drove, sticking to the main highway. The two of you had barely talked since you packed what you could from the house and left it behind. Yet another piece of your memory that would vanish sooner or later. At first you thought it was because neither of you had anything to say. But then you noticed it. The deliberate way he refused to look at you—his eyes always cast somewhere else, focused on the task at hand.

Joel was ignoring you.

“How old are you?” you asked, turning to face him as you passed yet another open and empty field.

“Old.”

You snorted, watching the way his hands shifted on the wheel, his shoulder moving as if he was uncomfortable. Which he was. You’d been around him long enough to catch when you should change the topic. Today though, you had a goal in mind—getting him to look at you.

Tracing your eyes down his silhouette, you spotted the scatters of gray coming in through his sparse beard. The sight looked endearing to you. Perhaps it was the notion that he was aging despite the travesty of the world, or maybe it was just Joel. Him and all his stubborn antics wedged their way into your heart. Yet no matter how hard you tried to rid yourself of him, he remained.

“You can’t be that old,” you said, shifting until you were practically sitting to the side, your head leaning against the seat. “I guarantee we’re closer in age than you think.”

His eyebrow raised as he glanced at you out of the corner of his eye. “You were nineteen when this all started?”

Surprise ran through your body at the realization that he remembered your small bit of information. “That’s right.”

Joel nodded solemnly, his eyes once again focusing back on the empty road. “I was thirty-two.”

Silently you calculated the exact age in your head, coming to the conclusion that Joel was being dramatic, and you were only thirteen years apart. He was barely leaving his thirties and had the gall to say he was old. You chuckled softly, turning back to your seat by the window—the fields now shifting to broken buildings and destroyed cities.

“Forty-two isn’t old,” you mumbled, leaning your chin on your hand.

Now it was his turn to scoff. “Feels like it darlin’.”

The newer nickname filled your chest with warmth. You bit down on your lip to conceal the smile that threatened to break through. He’d shifted from calling you Boston very recently and you began to equate that to him being serious when he was talking. Yet your actual name rarely ever came up. The last time you heard him use it was…when he was in the bathroom, doing what you figured was none of your business.

Even after you caught him in the act, you still found ways to convince yourself you were somehow wrong. Joel did not go hide in a bathroom, simply to get himself off to the thought of you. He didn’t seem like the type of man to do that. Except you still heard him. Still pretended what his raspy tone would sound like if he were to say your name against your ear, in an entirely different situation.

You wondered if that’s why he was suddenly farther from you that you would have liked him to be. Even as you sat beside one another, you still felt as if you had to travel a great distance to get closer. Joel kept you at arms length for a reason—you were guilty of doing the same—but still the ache to have him resurfaced. It screamed at you, promised you that things would be different if you just gave in, but the world told you otherwise.

It told you the truth; this was always how it was meant to go, following a broken path beside a man who could no longer discern love from grief.

Yet even as you stared reality in the face, you refused to accept it. The both of you would one day become ghosts to a world that couldn’t protect you. So why should you relinquish the last bit of good you had left? Why should you give him up?

Sighing, you opened the dashboard’s compartment, finding a small stack of old tapes inside. All of them, dusty and nearly ruined. You recognized one above them all, and the sight of the country legend’s name made you smile. Joel might have been okay with sitting in silence as he drove, but you weren’t. So, you popped it into the player, settling into the seat as Johnny Cash’s rendition of Hurt began to slowly come to life on the shitty car speakers.

You quickly glanced at Joel, seeing his body loosen up some as the song continued. While its meaning was dark, you figured it couldn’t possibly be worse than the shit both of you had already been through. In a way, the lyrics felt cathartic as you gazed out at a broken world. You found yourself grinning, watching the sun begin to shift in the sky, the heat seeping into the car. 

Even though your heart felt slightly crushed at Joel’s stubbornness, you felt the hope linger. That’s what you latched onto, what you kept close to your heart for fear of watching it fade away. You just hoped Joel would one day do the same.

Turning to watch him, you felt your heart flutter at the sight. He was so broken, yet so beautiful that you felt you couldn’t stare at him for too long.

“You know we’re allowed to want things Joel,” you said softly, your eyes once again fixated on the slope of his nose and how the sunlight glinted off his cheeks. “Even if it hurts to have them.”

You didn’t say anything else, opting to settle in the seat and get some rest. Eventually you’d switch places, finding somewhere to siphon some more gas and continue. He let you rest, staying quiet as the tape continued to play, the soft country songs slowly lulling you to sleep.

It didn’t take you long to fall asleep entirely, the soft puffs of breath you let out giving Joel some odd peace of mind. He wasn’t sure what it was about you sleeping in his vicinity—maybe the extreme trust you had to have when it came to that—but he found himself loosening up as you slept. As if all the worries he had about you and him vanished.

Your words still echoed in his mind, plucking at his fears like a guitar and playing your own tune of despondent tune of loneliness. He’d heard it before, knew it note for note, but couldn’t find it in himself to play along.

There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted you. Fuck, he’d give up whatever he had left to have you, but that’s not what his fear stemmed from. No, he knew that wanting you was a secret he wasn’t afraid to let free. He was afraid of what would happen when he could finally call you his, when the barrier you both erected to keep each other safe, fell.

Joel knew what came with love, had seen the horrors of it first hand, but you…you promised him one that was easy. The simplicity of being with you was unmatched; as if he found the other part of him he didn’t know he was searching for. He was terrified of what losing you would turn him into. What would become of him if you were no longer with him? If you were lost to him. He got a taste of it that night and barely survived.

Sighing, he turned his gaze to you, eyes soft as he traced the features of your face. If he didn’t know you, didn’t have some semblance of the life you faced before he met you, he would have thought you were innocent. Just a woman who had somehow managed to make it out of this hell unscathed. Someone who had a future ahead of her.

With Joel that future would end.

He knew he wasn’t being fair towards you, knew that you had already made up your mind about what you wanted from him. If only you could see how much he wanted exactly the same thing. He wouldn’t be the same man that continued to wallow in his fears. Couldn’t go on hoping that things would change, that the world would give him a chance again at some type of normalcy. There was nothing normal left to have, but he knew this. You were right beside him, telling him that the things he wanted weren’t something to run from.

So he wouldn’t.

The car was parked when you woke up, Joel nowhere to be found. Five seconds. That’s how long it took your hazy sleep-addled mind that came back to life to panic at the sight of the empty drivers seat. You scrambled to sit up right, shoving the door open with a push that was a bit too hard. But you couldn’t reason with yourself right now. Not when Joel wasn’t anywhere near the car, his bag missing from the backseat.

Your boots hit the ground, kicking up dust. Trying to keep calm, you did your best to stop the racing of your heart. Except there was no use. You were in the middle of hell where anything could have happened to him and you had no idea how to find him. His gun was still strapped to your hip, his jacket wrapped around your body. It would be something he came back for. This you knew.

However, that didn’t dispel the doubt filling your body. Was he hurt? Was he lost? Your mind jumped to every scenario possible, terrified that the man you were too afraid to love was now gone.

Catching your breath, you mapped out the best direction he could have gone in. You figured he was looking for more gas to siphon, possibly searching for extra supplies. It made the most sense. After all he wouldn’t leave you like this, abandoned on the side of the deserted highway. Right?

“Joel?” you called, slipping the gun from its holster and heading in the direction of the abandoned building that caught your eye. You’d have to trek pretty far to get to it, but the possibility that he was inside kept you going.

“Joel!” you shouted, wincing as your voice echoed in the distance.

You had to be careful of how loud you were being. The noise would no doubt attract unwanted visitors. You certainly didn’t need that happening while you were alone, halfway to losing the last bit of sanity you had left. The sun beat down on you, heat trailing down your body with each rushed step you made towards the place. Fear filled your chest, tightening around your heart and lungs until it was hard to breathe.

“Shit,” you spit, trying to keep your shaking hands steady as you entered the broken door.

You could recognize the remnants of a gas station store, the sign in the back listing the different types of alcohol they sold, even what food they used to have. Holding your breath, you listened intently for any sounds of infected—expecting to hear the familiar clicks and growls. But you were met with a steady silence.

“Joel?” you said softly, stepping over broken glass and pieces of the rotted ceiling that most likely fell during a storm. “You better be in here Texas.” The words were muttered under your breath, simply another way for you to rid yourself of the fear.

Standing still, you hoped to hear his deep voice respond with a drawl of Boston or darlin’, but when you were given nothing, your heart dropped down to your stomach. He had to be around here somewhere, had to have come in here to find supplies. But the longer you searched through the small building, the less sure you were about your odds. The sting of tears began to build in your eyes—the emptiness eating away at your insides.

Cursing under your breath, you made your way back outside, intent on waiting in the car until he returned. You had no real plan after that. Nothing to turn to if Joel never showed up. Except you couldn’t give a shit about a plan if Joel was missing. You had survived alone before, knew you could do it again, but that was the thing. You didn’t want to.

An echo of something in the distance stopped you midstep, your finger immediately falling onto the trigger. The sun blared in your face, blocking your eyesight, but you could see it. The tall form of a man heading towards the truck. Instead of immediately assuming he was Joel, you kept your guard up. Intent on being ready for something else entirely.

But then you heard it.

“Boston!” he called out, his voice ringing in the area and hitting your ears.

You began to run. Shoving the gun in the holster, you sprinted back towards him and watched as he frantically searched around the truck.

“Joel!”

With panicked wide eyes, he spun around to face you, relief washing over his face the second he caught sight of you. It only took him a few strides to reach you, his arms ready to gather you close. Only for you to shove him until he stumbled back into the truck’s hood, his grunt of pain twisting your heart briefly. The panic, the fear, it all blended into one thing you were tired of feeling. Pain. The pain of possibly losing him after all you’d been through.

“Darlin’ what—”

“Don’t do that to me again!” you snapped, no longer able to reign in all of the emotions you tried so hard to tamp down. “I woke up and you were gone Joel! I called for you, even went into that damn building to find you, but nothing!”

“Hey—”

The tears were streaming down your face, angry and hot. “I thought you were…gone o–or…”

He yanked you forward, his arms wrapping tightly around your waist and pressing you against his warm chest. “I’m sorry.” You can feel his face buried in your neck, his arms so tight you knew you’d feel it later. Yet that’s exactly what you needed from him. “I should have woken you up.”

Perhaps you were being ridiculous about this. Breaking down over the fact that he left you alone, but you couldn’t afford to lose another person. Your heart was broken already, but losing Joel…that would kill you. Whatever pieces you had left would surely vanish the second that the two of you were parted for good. You’d grown accustomed to having him around—a person that knew you. Could see through your facade of bravery you wore every day.

He was your tether to this world, the thing that kept you going. That realization—the understanding that Joel would mean more to you than you could ever express into words—terrified you. Suddenly you had something to lose.

Joel refused to let you go, his arms still wrapped tightly around your waist. Even as you stopped crying, he continued to hold you—his face buried in your neck. You could feel the shift in the air, the understanding that whatever this was…it wasn’t temporary. Neither of you were willing to part with the other, too attached in your own odd ways.

Which only made you clutch onto him tighter, your breathing evening out the longer you were pressed to his chest. You knew you were safe in his hold, but the longer you stood out in the open unmoving, the more you gained the chance for something to find the both of you. Reluctantly, you pulled back. Still you kept your hand on his arm, unable to let go of him entirely—the adrenaline of losing him not yet spent from your system.

“How long do we keep going for?” you asked, trying to shove the slivers of your vulnerability back inside, cutting off any pain you felt.

He seemed to understand what you were doing, opting to remain close yet never once pressuring you to open up. The thought filled your chest with warmth. You wondered what that feeling was, but drew a blank in your mind. Whatever it was, you hadn’t felt in quite some time—seeming to have forgotten it altogether. You chose not to dwell on what could not be understood, focusing back on Joel and the empty road you were still on.

“I can drive for another few hours,” he replied, his hand still pressed to your waist. It seemed that neither of you were too keen on letting the other go. “But we should find someplace to hole up for the night.”

You nodded. “Do you want me to drive?”

“No.”

“Joel, you've been driving all day and all night. I can take over for a bit so you can get some—”

“No.” He pulled you closer, shocking the hell out of you when his lips pressed to your temple. His hand running up your back slowly, as if he was trying to reassure you of the things he couldn’t say out loud. All of the emotions that were trapped in both your chests, unable to be set free due to the circumstances of your life.

You understood him all the same, smiling briefly against his shoulder.

“I’ve got you darlin’,” he whispered, his nose brushing along your head.

The sensation of him close made your eyes flutter shut, the breath you’d been holding for so long, finally being set free.

You wanted to tell him every emotion running through your heart as he pulled back to meet your eyes. The brown of his irises practically saw right through you, their dark nature burning your insides. Yet in their depths, you saw the emotion he could never say, the one that remained a mystery to even you. There it would remain, unspoken and restless.

Forever trapped with no possibility of escape.

“I want you to be okay too,” you said softly, letting him in a secret that was never really hidden from him.

To some degree Joel knew that you wanted him out of harm's way. That to see him hurt would kill you just like it had killed him. Yet the stubborn streak in him told you that no matter how much you wished it into existence, nothing would come of it. His actions whispered to you the truth. I’m here to protect you. I’d do whatever it takes. Even if whatever it takes was something far worse than a minor injury here and there.

He didn’t respond, simply helped you back into the truck, slamming the door shut to make sure the rusty piece of shit (as Joel affectionately called it) actually closed. You stayed silent as he started the car, the tape starting up again, acting as the rewind button for this situation. Except this time you felt the shift, the difference in how he sat beside you. Joel was no longer ignoring you; instead he chose to rest his hand on your knee, the weight of his palm obvious—the meaning behind it nearly cracking through you like lightning.

He wasn’t avoiding the burning want that spread through him. The ache that weighed on him daily the longer he was in your presence.

Joel wanted you, this much you knew. Only now he was no longer hiding it from you.

“Are you sure the roof still works?” you asked, staring dubiously at the broken ceiling—the glow of the moon practically streaming into the torn apart room.

“It’s not like anything is coming from the sky to hurt us.”

You scoffed, watching him check every crevice of the small cabin. “No, of course not. I’m just wondering if it rains, what do we do?”

Joel shrugged, sliding the worn down table up to the door. “We’ll dry off.”

“Hypothermia still exists, Texas.” You could see him biting back the smile, his eyes squinting slightly as he rested his hands on the table. The way he leaned over it shouldn’t have caused such a reaction in your body—your heart racing and mouth going dry—but you didn’t have control over what you found attractive about him anymore. It seemed that when it came to Joel, one look your way and you were instantly drawn to him. “Well?” you asked, lips quirked up into a smirk.

Standing to his full height, he let out a breath, his eyes practically searing into your skin. “Then we’ll warm up.”

His answer was nonchalant. Said in a way that would have made you think nothing of it, but then you caught it. The way his hand clenched at his side momentarily, his chest heaving as he took in a lungful of air. If what you heard in the bathroom was right, then both of you were affected by the other. You were just too fucking stubborn to admit it.

Smiling, you dropped your bag on the floor. “Careful Texas. I might end up thinking you like me.”

You turned away from him before you could see his reaction, too afraid of what you’d find. Part of him was glad you managed to miss how his whole body practically jolted, his jaw clenching as he staved off the heat. It slowly spread down to his fingertips, his body calling out to you. He managed to keep to himself in the car, his hand never going higher than your knee, but now he felt the insatiable need return.

Only this time there was no bathroom for him to escape to.

“Hey Joel?”

He snapped out his own thoughts, tuning into the present once more. “Yeah?” he asked, his voice huskier than he would have liked it to be.

“I should have said it before—” You turned, eyes glistening with an emotion that tugged sharply on his heart. “But thank you for saving my life.”

“Darlin’—”

“I know you didn’t have to. Shit, you didn’t have to do any of this for me, but I wanted you to know I’m not ungrateful.” Rather than look him in the eye, you kept your focus on what was once a fireplace. “If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be here. So thank you and I-I don’t know how I’ll ever repay—”

His hand cupping the back of your neck, pulling you closer cut you off. The words died on your tongue as he pressed his forehead to yours; the sigh he let out deeper than any you had heard before. Rather than keep going, you hesitantly rested your hand on his chest, the steady beat of his heart grounding you. If you had the strength, you would ask him why he did it. Why he bothered to save you that first night. But you knew the question was better left unsaid.

“There’s no repayin’ me,” he stated, pulling back slightly to meet your eyes. “You hear me?” He waited for you to nod, the movement small yet powerful. “I didn’t save you for any motive. I saved you because I…”

The words lodged themselves in the back of his throat, but you understood as if he had shouted the words from the rooftop. Because I care about you. Because when I’m with you the future isn’t bleak, it isn’t just a fantasy. Because amongst any means that make sense in this world, without you I’d cease to exist.

You would have saved him for the same reasons and that’s where this landed. The complications of your relationships were meant to go unsaid, because labeling this, putting a meaning behind the words you could never say, would ruin it. So, you nodded again, clutching his shirt in your hand and smiled to appease his nerves.

“Me too,” you whispered, feeling his heartbeat jump.

A moment passed between the both of you, simply surrounded by the echoes of nature, but then you saw it. Joel’s lips pulled up into a smile, his brown eyes looking just a bit lighter as he stared at you. The meaning of your words settling beneath his skin. It was a rare occurrence to see Joel smile, but whenever it happened you felt yourself melt beneath his gaze.

You would never tell him that he owned your heart entirely. But something in you wondered if he already knew.

“We should eat something,” he said, reluctantly pulling away from you to grab the probably expired food stashed away in his pack.

Nodding, you did your best to right your jumbled mind. “That’s a good idea.”

He tossed the small wrapped pieces of food, flicking on the single lantern he had. “I need to change your bandage after.”

“I can do it.”

“You’ll move too much.” He bit into the food and you found your gaze focused on the clench of his jaw again.

“I’ll be fine.” You ignored the chalky flavor of what used to be a protein bar on your tongue. “It’s only one wrap.”

He shook his head. “I don’t need you rippin’ open your wound, Boston”

“Joel—” His eyes snapped up to you, shutting you up instantly. “Okay,” you replied softly, biting into the bar.

Once more you allowed the echo of crickets to fill the voice between you, nature’s music becoming your background song. When you were younger, you couldn’t remember hearing the sounds of nature, too busy being overwhelmed with the chatter of the city. Yet now you felt like the world was finally waking up, allowing what remained of humanity to witness its beauty one more time.

You wanted to relish in it. To take in everything you otherwise might have missed before the outbreak, but the anguish of reality wouldn’t allow you to partake in such a peaceful act. So, you simply listened the best you could, hoping to commit the echoes of the forest to your memory.

“Do you think this is all we’ll get?” Your words caused Joel to pause. “The world. Do you think this is it?”

He wanted to say no, to tell you that he hoped for a better outcome than what they were left with, but the lie wouldn’t form. You both knew the truth of what the future held. Yet you wanted to live in the fantasy of something more just a bit longer. He wouldn’t be the one to crush that dream, to watch the small glint of hope in your eyes fade away as it had done before.

To Joel you were still dying in his arms, because he would never be released from that moment. Not entirely. That was his future. Forever stuck in a past he couldn’t change, sitting in a future he didn’t feel he deserved.

“I think we got more than we should have,” he said, squinting down at his hands. “Shows how fuckin’ stubborn humans are.”

His words settled in your mind and their cynical nature should have made you upset. But you knew this man. You could pick out his inflections just like he could see through your facades. Smiling, you put another piece of the food in your mouth, eyes tracing the slope of his nose and curve of his mouth.

“Hey Joel?” He finally looked up, molten brown eyes harboring a world of secrets you may never find out; you were okay with that though. “I’m okay with what I got.”

“Yeah?” he breathed.

You nodded. “Could have turned out worse. I could have ended up with someone from the midwest.”

He snorted, unable to stop it, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter. “The midwest ain’t bad.”

“I know. It's where my brother wanted to live.” Balling up the wrapper, you leaned back on your hands, legs outstretched on the floor. “But I got you to smile.”

He found himself watching the steady rise and fall of your chest, the way your head lolled to the side, a teasing smile playing on your lips as you looked at him. For a while now he’d been able to fight back the urge to kiss you. The ache that burrowed so deep in his body he wasn’t able to chase it away, but the sight of you so open and free. It did him in.

Taking in a breath, he tried to steady the fast paced beat of his heart. He shoved away the thoughts that slowly began to seep their way back into his brain—begging him to finally act on his wishes. Instead, he cleared his throat and reached for the somewhat clean bandages he had in his pack.

He refused to act on something you clearly weren’t interested in. Or at least something he hadn’t discussed with you yet.

“I gotta change your bandage.”

Rather than bicker with him again about whether or not you were capable, you simply clambered onto the rickety armchair. It creaked beneath you, the wood nearly ready to give out if you moved too much. You figured neither of you would want to sleep in it, save for the rather decent cushions that remained.

You peeled off your jacket, the heavy fabric making a small thump as it landed on the floor, your shirt being lifted and held tightly at your chest next. After you were injured, you could barely move from the bed and even then Joel remained a gentleman. Refusing to look anywhere beyond the wound. The same one that was slowly healing over. He made a grunt of contentment as he removed the dirty bandage, seeing the slightly raised skin where a scar would eventually take its place.

“It looks good.” He pointed to the bottom half that still continued to bleed every now and again. “This part’s bein’ stubborn.”

“Ah yes,” you said, shifting to give him space to work. “It gets that from me.”

“Damn right it does,” he muttered.

You laughed, nudged his knee with your leg. “Fuck you Miller.”

“Hold still.”

“I am.”

“No. You’re not.” You could feel the glare against your cheek. The very same one you were biting into, attempting to prevent the smile from blooming across your cheeks.

“Your hands are cold,” you said, shifting away from him as he began to slide the bandage along your skin.

“They usually are.”

“No. They’re not.” You caught his eye and shrugged to remain nonchalant about the matter. “I like when they’re warm. Keeps me warm.”

His hand pressed into your thigh, holding you still—eyes still focused on your face. “Darlin’,” he warned.

You sighed, head resting on the back of the chair. “Don’t worry Joel I know.”

“You know what?” His hand didn’t move, thumb brushing lightly along your pants.

“I’m not stupid Texas. The question earlier wasn’t about the world. It was about…” He stiffened, his hold growing tighter, eyes flicking back down to your bandage. The rejection punched you in the gut once more, a final understanding dawning over you. He would never go there with you.

“Boston…”

“I know. We’re lucky with what we’ve got and believe me I’m fucking lucky to have wound up with you in the middle of all this. But I just thought what I heard the other day in the bathroom—” Your breath caught in your throat as his head snapped up, eyes wide as he finally came to the conclusion that you did in fact hear him.

Not only did you hear him, but you liked what you heard.

“You…”

Nodding, you felt his hand slip a little higher up your thigh—heat streaking through your body and causing you to go a little lightheaded. 

“I want whatever you’ll give me Joel,” you whispered, your hand sliding to cover his. “I want you.”

“Fuck,” he rasped, his eyes transfixed on how you dragged his hand up higher until his fingers brushed the crotch of your pants.

“Hey Joel?” you breathed, your eyes barely open as his raised to meet your gaze.

“Yeah darlin’?”

“Kiss me.”

The words were barely out of your mouth before he was surging upwards on bended knee, his hand grasping your neck and pulling your lips to his. You gasped, hand digging into his hair to hold him to you as he devoured you. Finally you felt like you could breathe again, the air being stolen from your lungs. Only for him to breathe life back into you. His lips slid along yours, a messy combination of teeth and spit and raw passion and you loved it.

Whimpering into his mouth, you grasped onto the collar of his coat, yanking him forward until he was practically on top of you. Yet the weight of his body against yours felt comforting. As if that’s where he was always meant to be. Joal groaned when you tugged sharply on his hair, his hips bucking into your thigh, teeth sinking into your bottom lip.

“Felt you wanting to kiss me that mornin’,” he grunted into your mouth, his hand gripping tightly at your hip.

“I-I did want to kiss you—oh.” His lips pressed a wet trail down your throat, teeth nipping along the vein he could practically feel beating beneath your skin.

He wanted to make you squirm, to have you completely and utterly branded with his touch. Joel wasn’t a possessive man by nature, but you…you made him want to call you his in every manner that was possible. Your hands fell to his belt buckle, leg hitching up around his waist, and he nearly felt his eyes roll back. While he may have touched himself before, he knew the second this happened he was done for.

So, he distracted you. He clasped your hands in his and dragged them back up to his hair, his lips finding their way back to yours. You panted softly beneath him, a searing ache beginning to form in your body, spreading down to your toes. With each spit slicked kiss he pressed to your neck, chest, anywhere he could reach, you felt yourself begin to grind against his hips.

“J-Joel,” you moaned, head falling back as his hands fell to the button of your pants.

“Yeah baby?”

The name made your toes curl in your boots, the involuntary reaction one he definitely noticed if the smile on his lips was anything to go off of. Shit he liked seeing you like this. Completely pliable beneath his palms.

“Want you to—” His hand dipped into your pants, fingers brushing along your pelvis and your hips jolted, body nearly coming up off the chair.

The husky echo of his chuckle sent sparks down your spine, the warmth you’d been searching for now returning and pooling in your stomach. He was toying with you. Trying to see how much you could take before you were a pleading mess beneath him. You knew that if he kept going, he wouldn’t have to wait long until you were begging. He lit you up on the inside, his touch merely brush added to the fire that had started burning the second you met him.

He dipped into your slick, his eyes fluttering shut and a pained grunt tearing from his chest the second he found how wet you were. Something in him snapped, the broken piece of his self control finally hitting the ground with a bang. You sagged into the chair, a high pitched keen echoing off the walls when his fingers found your clit—pleasure searing its way up your spine.

“I want to—” He spit out a curse, his chest heaving with each breath he took.

Your eyes flew open the feeling of his hand pulling away from you. Only for him to yank your pants down, stripping you of anything that could possibly be in his way. Doing your best to help, you kicked off your boots until you were bare from the waist down before him. You didn’t have much time for any semblance of embarrassment to wash over your body, because Joel was yanking you forward.

He pushed you open with his shoulders, hooking your legs over them as he finally sought the one thing he’d been craving since he saw you standing outside that bathroom door. Delving in, he licked a stripe up your cunt, grinning at the broken sound that he tore from you.

Grasping onto his hair, you felt the breath leave your lungs faster than you could take it in. “Fuck, oh fuck Joel,” you cried, your mouth dropping open in bliss.

He moaned into you, his eyes meeting yours as he sucked your clit into his mouth and rolled his tongue over it. The sharp sensation of the pleasure was almost too much to bear. It flickered to life in your stomach, burning a hot path through your entire body until you could barely make out Joel’s sounds. You heard a rushing echo in your ears, your heart beating wildly in your chest.

Yet it never ceased. Joel licked into you like you were the best dessert he’d had in years. A decadent meal he wanted to take his time with. You tugged on his hair, your hips rolling over his face as he pressed his tongue into you, thrusting it the best he could.

“That’s it,” he mumbled, his eyes glazed with lust and words slurred together. “Taste’s so fuckin’ sweet.”

“Joel I-I…” You tried to catch your breath, tried to say anything, but his thumb spreading his spit up to your clit made your head spin.

“What do you need darlin’?”

“I-I—hng—want you inside me.”

His lips pulled up into a smirk, eyes shifting between your face and cunt that practically weeped for him. “When I’m done.”

“But—” He pressed his thumb down harder, cutting off your words—a whine crawling up the back of your throat.

“Always so stubborn,” he mused and you could practically hear the smile in his words. It made your heart flutter, your head falling back as his mouth sealed over your cunt again.

The echo of your slick hit your ears, the sound mixing with your combined sounds of pleasure. Creating a euphony of tunes that you could listen to forever. Joel ate you out like a man starved, like a man who would never get to partake in this act ever again in his life. You hoped that wasn’t true.

Gasping, you felt it before he did. The clench of your walls against nothing as he moaned drunkenly into you, licking at you so loudly your ears burned. The pleasure built in your body until it nearly stung, searing into you with such strength that your body bowed off the chair. Joel merely grunted, grasping onto your hips to keep you still as he kept going. You wondered if he would stop even after you came and realized you wouldn’t have to wait that long to find out.

“Joel,” you warned, but he already knew.

His thumb slid along your clit, keeping a steady pressure as he buried his tongue in you, his broken moan becoming your undoing. Grinding against his mouth, you heard yourself cry his name, your head hitting the back of the chair as the dam with you shattered. White hot bliss rushed through your body, turning you into a mess of whimpered cries and pleas for Joel to keep going. Yet he seemed to not hear you. Lost in the taste of you that practically flooded his mouth.

Your legs trembled as he slowed down, lapping at your cunt gently so as to gather every bit of you on his tongue. Everything in your mind fell silent, the hum of pleasure in your veins the only thing you could focus on—a type of peace you hadn’t had in a long time. Joel pressed a wet kiss to your thigh, his teeth scraping over the skin as if he wanted to leave a bite mark so deep it would forever be a part of you.

A part of you wanted it to happen; wanted to feel the blooming pain as his teeth sunk into your skin. At least then you’d know you were still there, still alive. But then he pulled away, running his palms up and down your thighs as he waited for you to come back to him.

“Holy shit,” you breathed, unable to move a single limb in your body.

His laugh brought you back, the steady heat once again pooling into your stomach. “I want to do that again.”

Your stomach swooped. “Later,” you said, your voice shaking with a new surge of need.

Joel tugged you lightly, telling you exactly where to go without words, and you followed. Sliding off the chair, you cringed at the wet mess between your thighs, but the sight of his chin smeared in you washed that feeling away. He was covered in you and without thinking you pulled him closer, licking into his mouth and moaning at the taste of yourself on his tongue. That heady sensation returned, crashing into you like a tidal wave.

“Please.”

He maneuvered you into his lap, your knees pressing into the dirty ground beneath him. But neither of you cared where you were, because all of that vanished. Everything became nonexistent, leaving just Joel and the way he was looking at you.

“I’ve got you darlin’,” he murmured, helping you unbuckle his pants to pull his cock out. He stifled a moan against your shoulder as your hand wrapped around him, the throbbing ache he’d managed to ignore now flaring to life in his body.

He knew if you stroked him for longer than a few minutes this would be over before it began. But he also couldn’t deny how fucking incredible it felt to feel you touch him like this. He breathed your name against the shell of your ear, his hips bucking into your palm, heat streaking down his spine. Joel wanted to savor this, to remember what exactly this intimacy felt like.

Except then he felt it, the tightening in his stomach that signaled the end. Yanking your hand away, he fought against the release that threatened to spill over him, his body shaking with the effort. Grunting, he felt your hand run down his back, your lips trailing along his jaw as you murmured compliments to him. Words that made his face stain red and mind go hazy.

“You’re so pretty Joel.” Your hands curled around the large width of his shoulders, your hips grinding down into his lap. “So handsome.”

“Fuck,” he moaned pathetically, unable to stop himself from unfurling into your touch.

Your hand dug into his hair, tilting his head until his lips found yours again. Kissing him was like finding the missing pieces of yourself all in one fell swoop. You felt whole with him, like the person you could have been rather than the person you were. Smiling against his lips, you felt his hands slide down to your ass, kneading the flesh in his palms.

You still wore your shirt and he had barely undressed, but it still remained perfect. Neither of you cared about how special this was or whether it was on a bed or not, because this was all you could get. This is what the world gave you. The both of you were too greedy to ask for anything else, stealing away this moment until it disappeared beneath your touch.

“Want you to fuck me Joel,” you breathed hotly against his neck, your hips rolling over his. You gasped simultaneously as the head of his cock caught on your clit, the pressure debilitating.

“Yeah? You want me to ruin you?” Nodding, you felt heat spread up your neck. He mouthed at your neck, his hand wrapping around his cock to position it at your entrance and allow you to make the first move.

Which you did without hesitation. You scratched your nails along the back of his neck as you sunk down onto him, the stretch along your walls slightly painful with how big he was. It had been a long time since you allowed yourself to be like this with anyone and you figured Joel knew exactly how that felt. He struggled to maintain control over himself as you slowly took him into your cunt, your walls clamping down around him—nearly throwing him off the edge.

“Fuck darlin’,” he grunted, his fingers digging into your hips. “Squeezin’ me so tight.”

Clutching at his shoulder, you tried to steady yourself, the tremble in your legs nearly too much for you. But Joel wasn’t letting you go that easily. Nipping at your collarbone, he helped you take him all the way in small strokes. You felt the rapid beat of his heart pressed against yours, the way he tried to distract himself from the feel of your body wrapped around him.

“Wait, wait,” he panted the second you sat fully in his lap again, his cock throbbing along your walls. “I—oh shit—I want this to last.”

You nodded, pressing your forehead to his as you allowed your body to adjust the feel of him inside you. “We’ll go slow.”

He laughed, dropping a kiss to your chest. “Only need a minute baby.”

“I don’t want to wear you out.” The mischief in your smile could be heard through your words; Joel’s shoulders now shaking from laughter. “After our conversation earlier, you have me thinking you’re an old man—”

Him grinding you down into his lap cut off your words with a sharp gasp, the smile falling from your lips as your mouth dropped open. Something sharp, intense, unfurled in your core, blooming throughout your body and turning your mind hazy. Mimicking the movement, you felt it again, his cock rubbing slightly right where you needed him most.

“How about now?” he taunted, scraping his teeth along your jaw, his hands slipping beneath your shirt to cup your breasts.

“Shit.” Tugging on his hair you felt him smile against your cheek.

“Am I still old?”

“More,” you pleaded, rolling your hips in stunted movements, the position you were in only allowed you so much.

“Yeah?” Guiding your hips, he felt your walls clamp down even tighter, the pressure causing white to flash behind his eyes.

“Feels so good Joel.” Your eyes were half open, the lust burning in them so bright he felt it in his chest.

He wanted to stay there, forget the world existed and remain wrapped around you. Who would miss either of you? No one. Which is what made the idea so fucking appealing.

You leaned back, one hand pressed against the floor as you sought the perfect angle and as he pulled you back on his cock, a moan climbing out of his throat, he felt it. The way your whole body practically bowed out of his hold. A sharp keening cry ripping from you. He nearly lurched forward, the tight sensation in his stomach growing closer by the second, his body going as taut as yours.

“Fuck, fuck. Darlin’ I’m not gonna last,” he muttered, shifting you quickly until you were pressed into the ground. Your leg going up and over his forearm.

Scrambling to hold onto him, you felt your eyes roll back, the sharp searing heat now spreading rapidly through every single part of you. Whatever words or praises you might have said, turned into incoherent noises of pathetic whimpers and moans. Joel shoved his hips into yours, striking so perfectly right where you needed him, that you felt the pleasure mount until it nearly broke you inside.

You dragged his lips back to yours, attempting to meet his thrusts with small ones of your own, but the lower half of your body was already pinned to the ground. His hands kept you still as he drove into you so earnestly, you were certain your release would stop your heart.

“J-Joel!” you sobbed, your head falling to the floor and back going rigid.

“C’mon baby,” he grunted, his hand seeking out yours. Clasping his fingers around yours, he pressed your entwined palms into the ground, keeping it at his leverage.

The one thing grounding him as he lost himself in you.

An echo of your slick and skin slapping against skin filled the small cabin, his panted out grunts and your incoherent cries, nearly deafening to both your ears. Joel’s other hand found your clit and with one final devastating thrust, you broke.

The breath was punched from your lungs, the singular word—his name—turning into a ragged gasp. Your cunt clamped down, body shaking, as you forced him off the edge with you. Joel’s hand slammed to the ground, his hips thrusting into you the best he could while he spilled into you, the warmth of his cum practically leaking out. For a moment neither of you could breathe, lost in the sensation of pleasure thrumming in your veins.

Joel’s breaths matched your own, his lips trailing up your chest until he eventually found his way back to your lips. A smile spreading on his face. You laughed, your hands brushing his hair away from his damp forehead, and felt him twitch inside of you. The small grunt letting you know that the both of you were a bit too sensitive now.

“Hey Boston?” he asked, his nose brushing against yours—the smile on your face matching his.

“Yeah Texas?”

He stole another kiss, his thumb running along your cheek. “I’m lucky to have wound up with you too.”

Warmth filled your chest, that now familiar feeling you could finally place, returning with a new vigor. Except this time you welcomed it. Above Joel’s shoulder you caught the glimmer of stars through the broken ceiling, the clear night sky a beautiful backdrop to the man above you. Yet you still found yourself captivated by the brown in his eyes, the shine of hope that hadn’t been there before.

You would never be able to tell him what you felt, always keeping it close like a secret. But tonight you’d get to savor it.

Tonight you could pretend that just for a moment…Joel Miller loved you too.

[scoups4lyfe]

POPPY!!!!!!!! 

Man I ought to liveblog ex-aid. I fvcking LOVED that show

....It’ll be interesting seeing Reika here for the first time (as I only watched three episodes of Saber LOL) 

And Sakura <3333

you kicked Devil a$$ before you even joined Weekend—

Don’t forget about that—-

….:( 

Hana is so dispirited because of that letter