#THIS CLOWN 😭

[rivetgoth]

It's honestly crazy that discussion around testosterone HRT skews so much towards the beginning stages of it (to the point that you have dozens of guys thinking their transition is "failed" if they don't pass by like a year in lol) and what the initial changes of the first couple of months to years look like, like the classic laundry list of those early basic changes like bottom growth, voice drop, etc, when IMO literally none of that compares remotely to the depth and intensity of the long term total masculinization you start to experience like 3-5+ years in.

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF Gregory is NEVER getting unbanned at this rate

[lucygraysboy]

it’s now or never, billy tells himself, rolling onto his side as his forearms begin to go numb. he either cuts all ties to his past and lucy gray now or she’ll keep coming back, doing what she’s done earlier today, bombarding his phone with strange messages that feel more like invisible knives, cutting into his heart, haunting him. he can’t say what’s possessed him to type all those cold, cruel words when he could have just blocked her number, but there’s no taking them back now, not when she’s already viewed them. awaiting her response, he contemplates his choices and can’t say that he’s proud of them, but once again reassures himself that it had to be done. she doesn’t want him. she’s been playing mind games with him, giving him nothing but mixed signals basically ever since they both hit puberty. he can’t be hung up on her, waste away his life because she’s not done messing with his heart just yet. and so he doesn’t think about the consequences of his actions, about how his texts might affect his childhood sweetheart the other, because he won’t be there to pick up the pieces of her broken heart or witness the aftermath first-hand. 

when his phone lights up again, he presses play almost automatically. it’s like ripping off the band-aid. he knows there’s nothing pleasant awaiting him, quite the opposite, but postponing this moment won’t make it hurt any less. tears well up in his pale blue eyes the second lucy gray’s voice fills the air, part of him feeling like she’s right beside him or talking to him from the other room, his chest constricting violently. he’s dead to her. good. but then why doesn’t it feel good? isn’t this what he’s wanted this whole time? as more words keep pouring out, he realizes that he’s not the only one crying, that she sounds so different because she must be fighting back tears. it hits him at once, all the memories of her bambi eyes, so big and innocent, glistening with sadness. when she begins to belittle her looks, he sits up and cradles his head in his hands, fingers sinking into his dark curls, pulling, tugging until his scalp’s gone numb. none of this is true. not a single word. he wants to scream and cry and get on the first plane back home just to beg her for forgiveness, but… he can’t turn back now. he’s made his bed, now he has to lie in it. 

by the time she gets to the part about their mothers, how his own would be ashamed of him, how he doesn’t have the right to insult hers, he’s overcome with fear and heartbreak and anger, and barely listening. he throws his phone at the wall out of sheer helplessness, her voice stopping abruptly mid-sentence. he will not remember much from this moment in the morning, his emotions too strong, his grief all-consuming — he’d felt this way before only once when he learned about his mother’s death. now it’s lucy gray. she’s the one passing away and he can’t save her… or maybe he’s the one holding the knife that’s cutting her heart out. either way, the pain of losing her, really losing her, is so great that even his lungs constrict, and suddenly it seems he’ll never be able to breathe again. he races to the bathroom and doesn’t even lock the door, climbing into the shower with his underwear still on. originally, he only intends to cry, hugging his knees to his chest and rocking back and forth, letting the cold water wash away his tears, but then he spots the scissors just sitting there on the counter. he crawls out and picks them up, and soon his dark curls are falling into the sink, one ringlet after another as he begins to chop off his hair. billy’s dead. he’s dead to her. and she’s always loved his locks so… it somehow makes sense. the water keeps running, muffling out any desolate sounds that might leave his mouth. he uses the razor to shave off what’s left of his beautiful hair, and then, once he’s exhausted both physically and emotionally, his body finally sinks to the floor and somehow more tears fill his eyes… he stays on the bathroom floor until charlie finds him in the morning.

she expected some smart ass reply again, but not another shock. not another knife to her chest. ripping out what's measly left of her heart. for a moment she just continued to stare at the screen like it wasn't real– this was just a nightmare she'd wake up from, her heart lurching, panging, feeling the actual painful vibrations those detrimental words took a toll on her beat against her ribcage. forget typing, she pressed voice record,

‘i dont know but you’ve gone too far now billy bonney, you’re dead to me now’ she hiccuped, her throat constricting, ‘like you're one to attack my looks. don't get so high above your raisin'. like you haven’t always been that dorky lil boy in school? but you know what,’ she bit her lower lip to keep it from wobbling, sucking in a breath, ‘i always thought you were the most handsome one there.’ her nose sniffed, ‘not anymore... not ever.' voice cracking, a hard cry tearing from her throat. wailing as she clutched her shirt at the hurt that caused, 'you’re the ugliest person on the inside. usin' me like an object, while thinkin' i'm ugly. maybe i am...but you got nothin' but the devil in you for sayin' shit like that to me. and yeah, your mother WOULD be a damn shamed of you at what you've turned into.' it's not an attack, it's the truth. she knows his mother as well as he does, it wasn't like she didn't spend endless days with her too. lucy gray loved his mama as much as he did, her cries become even more out of control because she can't just go over and tell her how he's acting anymore. can't just go over and tell her to help her make this better.

because she's gone, neither of them have her anymore. he's selfish even more if he thinks she didn't see her as her second mom she could confide in. a mom she mourns everyday, too. 'and don't call MY mama names, she'd be even more ashamed of you,' she gritted her teeth in a streak of anger, jabbing the bed with her finger, 'she's been nothin' but KIND to you all these years and loved you like her own ALL these years. you can hate me all you want to cause jesse told you to, but she did nothin' to you. but it don't fuckin' matter anyway,' chest heaving, coughing up the words her throat was so terribly tight as the tears continued to explode out of her eyes, 'you're dead to me, billy bonney.' she hit stop on the voice record then sent. DEAD. he was dead to her as she finished screaming and crying into the mattress. she might as well hit block on his contact number because she didn't want to provoke anymore evil things he might say to her, but she couldn't dare move right now, not when she could do nothing but wear herself exhausted with the violent emotions he'd turned over in her head all from one line.

[relaxing-n-podcasting]

Me to myself after this episode: It's okay Bonzo isn't real, he can't hurt you

British Magnus Protocol listeners talking about Mr. Blobby:

[manny-jacinto]

MANNY JACINTO for Square Mile Magazine (2024)

[jsdhwdmax56]

Buggy when he was first introduced

Also Buggy the rest of the show:

[buggypirates]

I am crying and so close to puke cotton candy

[meltedmush]

I’m stuck in the 2ha and SVSSS hellhole,,, 😭

[aimbutmiss]

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING AT THIS SEQUENCE Zoro looks so concerned

[sunnibits]

“the kids chose protective mom izzy in the divorce” is literally my new favorite joke to come out of s2 so far I’m utterly obsessed

[inpolariis]

"For a time, I even thought we were friends."

[sculien]

Aaron Hotchner Criminal Minds 5.21

[manchesterau]

whatever 😭😭😭😭

[turtleblogatlast]

That middle child feel when you’re the one who successfully gets you and your siblings out of trouble only to immediately get jumped by them afterwards

[rainbow-sunshine-unicorn]

Thinking about how Anthony Bridgerton’s forehead crease

The one that doesn’t even go away when he’s sleeping

Only fully disappears when he’s kissing Kate

[mumorii]

🖕🤡🖕

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