#THEYRE GONNA GO THRU MY DEVICE

[punk-o-ween]

my parents found out i ship drew and punk and that i wanted them to get dirty in the ring...they're homophobic....its over for me

[ennoshawty]

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this

[everythingsinred]

002 Two contrasting friendships:

KaoruYuka

YukaLuna

oooOOOh very exciting!!!

002

Kaoru & Yuka

When I started shipping them: we'll just address this whole thing thru a more platonic lens even tho i can also ship them romantically lol. i loved kaoru from her entrance and wanted more and more scenes with her so when yuka befriended her i was really happy. my favorite scene with them is when kaoru graduates <3

My thoughts: kaoru was such an important friend to yuka, who always supported her and wanted to help her. yuka also loved kaoru so much that she left her. and neither of them ever stopped thinking about each other: kaoru thought abt yuka so much that she named her son after a fruit to match yuka's daughter <3

What makes me happy about them: their kids have matching names <3 they found each other again <3 they never forgot about each other <3

What makes me sad about them: yuka cutting her hair after finding out about kaoru's death ;-;

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: lol i have RARELY seen fics where kaoru exists at all let alone where she interacts with yuka. i have nothing to base an answer off of. mostly i just dislike when ppl characterize yuka as negligent or abusive to mikan in fics. i guess i see where earlier fics are coming from, when they were written before yuka's backstory but still. it makes me sad. that has nothing to do with kaoru though

Things I look for in fanfic: if a fic has kaoru and yuka present at once and they interact at all PLEASE drop a link i wanna read

My wishlist: i want to see them as cringe, embarrassing moms <3 they shouldve had the chance ;-;

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: im fine with them not being romantic. it wasnt ever a conviction i had, i just like the idea. i like papa hyuuga for kaoru and shiki is my favorite of yuka's love interests so those options would leave me content.

My happily ever after for them: theyre both happy and hanging out in heaven. if they had both lived, id have loved to see them hanging out and embarrassing their kids <3

Yuka & Luna

When I started shipping them: i always tear up when yuka says "nobody has ever asked me to be their friend before" like they were so cute as kids

My thoughts: i genuinely think their friendship is so realistic. middle school absolutely IS the time when that sort of fall out would occur. and luna's insecurities about yuka not really liking her back make a lot of sense and are sadly relatable. they were each other's first real friend and as a result they were immature about their feelings. the esp manipulated luna and encouraged jealousy in her until she hated her with her whole being. he twisted the facts abt yuka's last night and im not okay with luna's actions at all bc (as ive said before) i hate child abusers. that being said, i start to ugly cry when yuka gets caught in the explosion and luna stops using her alice on the fuukitai so they can help her. no i dont approve of u luna but damn ur good at making me cry

What makes me happy about them: i find it so funny how clingy luna was bc she didnt know how to behave with a friend

What makes me sad about them: i am so sad abt luna cutting yuka out bc she didn't know how to behave with a friend

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: not rly anything for them specifically. luna is such a plot device character in most fanfic so im not rly invested in making sure shes not ooc or anything. ive talked abt luna being used to make mikan jealous (and how shes just stretched and bended to fill a specific role) in all sorts of aus and i genuinely have no problem with it like who else are u gonna use? i get it. ive done it too. ive read it and found it enjoyable. go luna as a plot device! u stole the show in the sports festival <3 but again that has nothing to do with yuka and luna as a pairing lol

Things I look for in fanfic: if an au fic EVER had luna and yuka the same age id be genuinely so shocked.

My wishlist: idk if i could ever expect them to be friends again the way they were before, but it would be nice to see them make amends. though im sure luna's more recent actions, like at the sports fest, might further complicate things

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: i dont ship luna with anybody bc im a reasonable person and she doesnt deserve to be with her groomer/abuser.

My happily ever after for them: it would have been nice if yuka and luna had made up before anybody had to die.

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog - 2012 annual

iirc the annual takes place between 7 and 8, or something. whatever, im gonna go for it

shifts in art style always throw me off phewwww

i cant remember what theyre doing but i find it really funny that first aid is there squaring the fuck up to punch shit

ah yes of course how could i forget the time they shrunk down to fight tiny robots in ultra magnus’s head. a comic classic 

poor magnus lmao

HBJSDKFBSHJFDHJSD HIS TERRIFYING SMILE HAUNTS MY NIGHTMARES. LOVE IT

love the continuation of magnus’s law-vision

the fact that everyone is dunking on magnus for smiling ONCE hvbhjdksbfjks

rewind and chromedome ough

i feel like cyclonus spends 90% of his early mtmte screentime staring broodingly out of windows lmao 

tg so precious

lmaooo i love the flashes of rodimus saying ‘til all are one’ All The Time

rodimus just wants to be like his dad ok

rodimus telling drift to go meditate or something vbhjfdbhdsjkf

i love rodimus calling magnus out on referring to himself in the third person lmaoooo but also I'm like Oh I See That [eyes emoji]

wish i had emojis on the computer sigh

lmao so the circle of light is a bunch of pacifists With Big Ass Swords

them betting on how long it'll take rodimus to say ‘til all are one’ vbkjsdhbfjhkhsdf

damn so ambulon rlly did switch sides late in the game 

cyclonus is here!! being an emotionally closed-off fool as usual 

nooo rodimus let tailgate speak

cant believe rodimus graffiti’d tailgate

drift, immediately: rodimus is FUCKING POSSSESSED 

ratchet: ok, no, 

godddd everything abt the galactic counsel here is so funny. ‘its big - its grey - its taxpayer funded’ hvbkjshdbfjkdf and the fact that their ship is called ‘the benign intervention’ lmaooo

also DAMN that is a BIG ASS SHIP 

‘a fleshling in a stupid hat’ i love rodimus and his irrational hatred of hats

magnus comin in CLUTCH with the dry-ass clauses shit 

rewind vhjbdskfbaksdfn ‘the sub-section 7 defense - sneaky’ ily

tailgate hvbhjadkfbjskdf its ok that you don't know what's going on

also tailgate serves a vital role in the story as the audience insert character (or w/e its called), bc he’s often confused which allows for handy exposition that we the audience also need lmao 

i find it so interesting to see how the cybertronians are viewed by the rest of the galaxy - we don't see a lot of aliens but its always fascinating when we do, because of COURSE they’re mostly gonna think of the cybertronians as destructive and war-like when that’s what they’ve been up to for 4 million years 

ooof swerve :( swerve is one of those characters who you’re like ‘haha he’s funny’ most of the time but pretty often he’ll have startling moments of like, deep pain about life or w/e, and you’re like Oh Shit and then you kinda move on, until finally the swearth arc hits and it all comes together. what I'm saying is that this is some nice building towards that 

HGDSBJFKJSJBDF THERE IT IS THERE IT ISSSSSSSSSS

THE PANEL WHERE REWIND IN ALT MODE CAN FLY FOR SOME REASONNNNNN

i fucking love that shot so much. does everyone see this. rewind is a GIANT FUCKIN FLASHDRIVE and he’s hovering ominously thru the air. like, what happened to all the biz from issue 1 or w/e where his husband was roasting him for having a non-mobile altmode? if he can fucking HOVER than Actually rewind is the fucking coolest, no contest 

or like, is the implication that they all teleported there (having switched to alt mode along the way i guess?) and rewind is just like, suspended in midair? bc that's what the speed bubble text implies, but it also totally looks like they're just travelling across the area and rewind can levitate

anyways. that panel has always cracked me up lmaoooo

rodimus calling the council ‘fascists’ hvbhduifbjsdjfajskf sir i love you 

GODDD and there's the joke payoff from a few issues ago - rewind, facing front, hearing drift transform behind him and not only being able to tell its drift without looking, but also being able to tell that drift is upset, JUST like chromedome said he could....fucking PEAK i love that type of payoff humor

ooof and more swerve introspection. i mentioned earlier but i fucking LOVE how this series showcases the extremely wide range of reactions/coping mechanisms that everyone has towards the endless war finally being over - and swerve really nails it here: confusing peace with happiness, and assuming that everything would automatically be better after the war is over, when in reality you still have to work just as hard to build shit rather than break it

also i adore the horror of a guy who is half-embedded in the wall, his face stuck in a rictus of terror & death, waxing philosophical about how peace is about the freedom of choice, and how they should all just feel lucky to have survived...oof, that's very specifically ironic coming from you, dude 

but i do love the little characterization we get here for ore, a character who is literally already dead and has so far been used as a plot device pretty exclusively, but we still get to know little things about him here, and how HE feels about the war and the current peace, etcetc. it really makes the story and characters seem believable, like every character has a story even if we don't take the time to see it 

love cyclonus posing coolly 

kinda love how clear it is that drifts whole hippy schtick is just a front to cover his anger, and a tool to make him seem like an approachable, upstanding autobot

drift dramatically monologuing while pointing his sword at the sky is extra funny with everyone else just staring at him doing this

cyclonus why are you grabbing at the edge of the hole you're falling into, you can LITERALLY FLY, 

magnus finally getting some appreciation for being The most law abiding guy like, ever 

genuinely forgot abt the whole metrotitan plot that happens here 

GOD when rodimus is like BRAIN QUEST TIME and then we smash cut to them at the brain ‘six minutes later’ vhbhkudfjbjksf i live for that shit 

also that would be even funnier animated which further proves that we need an mtmte/ll animated series, please, somebody, 

HBDSJKFSHDJF REWIND IS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY you cant even tell if he GENUINELY didn't think cyclonus could talk or if hes just being a dick but either way? comedy gold 

oh i adore the flashbacks being in a different artstyle, especially one that's so retro 

i love rewind being a history geek, and cyclonus passionately explaining cybertronian creation theory

HHHH i fucking LOVE the myth/lore stuff like....a lot of franchises tend not to dwell in this type of mythology, you tend to get The True Version Of Events, but this kind of explanation rocks bc it totally sounds like the kind of religious mythology that naturally develops based on a species’ progression

and drift and ratchet’s very opposing and polarizing views certainty do make for interesting perspectives, tho i feel like the story sometimes leans too much towards ratchet being ‘more correct’ bc, logic! or something idk i feel like i used to have a couple mild opinions on this but i don't remember

and its funny bc i am, irl, an atheistic medical professional who believes in science above all else - essentially just like ratchet. but i feel like the narrative portrayal skews a little more in his favor than i’d like, despite that 

skids just out here being a bummer, completely unprompted. cant even blame you tho dude 

hhhhhh chromedome talking abt rewind ;_; 

and when he says ‘maybe there’s someone out there who can save your life, too’ and cyclonus is there....hhhh

god i fucking LOVE drift and rodimus’s entire relationship. the layers...the LAYERS!!!

OH HEY ITS THOSE ROBOTS SKIDS FOUGHT 

ah, inconvenient laser time!

ok i fuckgin love how cybertronian’s brains look just like the planet cybertron. that's so fucking great 

of COURSE brainstorm brought his shrink ray 

truly i love the convo between ore and swerve, especially overlaid onto everyone fighting 

oof, the themes and plot threads of this annual are all so nicely tied up (which is something i love abt mtmte, especially early on when the story is smaller), with swerve now choosing to disobey an order from rodimus

oh yeah, the circle of light! that's who you've been looking for this whole time basically! 

and then the ending, hearing that magnus smiled (willingly!) :) i love it

rodimus’s profile says ‘finds it difficult to sit still’ bc rodimus is an adhd icon

lmao i feel like over half of my sentences in this recap - and in most of my recaps - contain ‘i love it’ or ‘i love how-’ or some variation upon that theme. I'm predictable 

anyways - the annual! i love this issue. its really long which is cool and i feel like it does a lot to flesh out the setting and lore, and even the characters as well. also, as i said above, it does an excellent job telling an exciting and well-contained story, with solid story beats throughout and plot threads that emerge and get resolved all within this issue, even while leaving plenty of stuff up for future resolution. that's the Early MTMTE Special, and i adore it. tho i will say I'm glad we’ll be getting back to the regularly scheduled art style, bc this one didn't really do it for me 

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 2 episode 3

"PRISONERS"

Notes by me

- everytime Jack calls them Kids I discover 3 new emotions

- "we have no idea what this planet could offer!"

"........trees and moss"

- "I have no idea" 💕💞💕

- ok strange distraught man

- beamed!

- I hate it when Jack tries to explain things to people and they just TURN OFF THEIR EARS

- daniels hat hanging off his neck makes it look like a choker 👀 where's his cat ears

- creepy whistling!!! Dont like that!

- I'm laughing they were literally sent to prison

- feet. Omg what. Worst version of Cinderella

- *a prisoner gets obliterated by the vortex and cut off at the feet*

The other prisoners:

- ok violence! Of course Sam is a possession . can I get one fictional show without "realistic sexism" pls. Can I PLEASE get one show PLEASE

- "kids" 💕

- "tealc, look scary and take point"

- this dude who wants to be tealcs friend is so goddamn creepy *nervous laugh*

- leader lady seems really nice. The fuck did she do to get in prison

- Jack taking daniels glasses off and saying that showing weakness is not a good idea in prison 💜 reblog if u agree

- HUGE big brother vibes. Also Jack is acting like hes been in prison before 🤔

- no glasses!Daniel

- "the great circle"

- "the great wave" is actually a really cool name for the vortex thing

- she can give them the power they need but needs something in return?

- WHAT theyre gonna use....a plant?

- woa woa woa someone attacked Daniel and tealc protected him and we didnt get to see it??? Writers, turn on your location I just want to talk

- bodyguard!tealc

- "what are WE in here for?"

"Jay walking"

- Jack just admitted he was in prison once!!! What when where!!!

- ah yes goopy mud! Yummy!

- I wonder what it actually is? It looks a little like light brown brownie batter lol

- alright the leader of sg3 is kinda hot👀

- SG3 is headed to P2A509 and is no longer on the rescue team for sg1 :(

- P3X775 is where the people who sent them to prison are. The Taldor or whatever

- I'm assuming sg1 is not on the same planet as the people who sent them to prison since they went thru a stargate to get there

- hammond is going personally!!

- apparently she tried to help the taldor with a plague and accidently made it worse so they sent her to prison. Tough crowd

- is this hammonds first time going thru the stargate????

- IT IS!!!

- "the things I do for these people" AJDNRIDNDJSBFKDNFN

- daniel when hes sitting on the ground in the dirt. Its the slutty pose for me

- Jack dragging him up by the arm

- they commited suicide and thats so fucked up. And Daniel tried to stop them :(

- every single prisoner in this prison craves violence

- what was that? That hand device she used looked goauldish?

- saved by tealc!!! Bodyguard!tealc

- um when daniels lying unconcious and Sam is stroking his hair 😭😭❤

- meanwhile! I'm having fun with sassy Defense attorney!Hammond

- this Big Voice sounds suspiciously like a machine

- SHE CURED BLINDNESS HOLY moly

- "danny boy" AJDBEISDBDKZNDJDJDK

- wait why are they saying he won the fight? Didnt they see Linea with the hand held thing? She wasnt exactly hiding

- P2A509 ! daniel always with the plan

- "....and this just came to you?"

"No, it came to me while I was suffocating"

- yes! Go meet up with sg3! I want to see the hot Major again 😌

- time for Dirt Soup !

- hahaha Daniel made it to the top of the food chain bc he "won the fight". Its very obvious he didnt but I'm not gonna argue with a bunch of prisoners with an IQ of 3

- using his status so that sg1 can eat first lmfao my boy knows how to play the role💅💅💅💅💅

- tealc giving the dirt soup one look and becoming the human equivalent of the word Nah

- the power of plants!!

- this prisoner is gonna try some shit im calling it now

- it worked !

- LMFAO Daniel could not get out of there fast enough.,,boy was a blur

- did one prisoner get thru?

- daniels glasses resting on his head, holding his hair back ✨

- "this place is so alien"

"I thought so when I first came here. However, over time it has become home"

- its so funny to me when people from other planets call sg1 aliens. Like.....arent your ancestors from earth....that makes you an "alien" too

- exchanging science! Sharing knowledge!! This is what the program is about!!

- "he actually won"

- Jack has bruises on his neck from the fight earlier . I'm looking

- OKAY linea is evil?? Like mega evil? She kills people with plagues??? Its always the sweet old ladies you have to watch out for isnt it

- shit is she downloading all the stargate info? All the addresses they have?

- how in the goddamn fuck does she know how to work computers btw??? She literally locked them out of their own system and she doesnt even know what atoms are??? I'm so confused

- "we let her out"

"The destroyer of worlds"

- I really hope we see her again. This seems like an interesting storyline

~

Whump under the cut

Team sg1 whump: thrown through the gate, prisoners

Jack Oniell whump : grabbed , choked, fought, bruises on neck from rope

Daniel jackson whump: thrown from gate, heavy breathing, threatened, grabbed from behind, squeezed, choked, passed out, unconscious , weak, disoriented

No glasses!Daniel for more than half the episode🤓

🎶listening to Locked Up by Akon🎶

🎶listening to Cell Block Tango from the musical Chicago 🎶

[tonysopranosfeverdreams]

What is the colour of your hairbrush? black

Name a food you never eat? uhhh meat

Are you typically too warm or too cold?  usually too hot! since i was a kid i kicked the blankets off in my sleep

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? watching an episode of it’s always sunny

What is your favourite candy bar? i rly dont eat a lot of candy BUT i love butterfingers

Have you ever been to a professional sports event?  ya when i was in am*erciorps we got to go to some free basketball and baseball games in memphis and detroit i think, they were fun 

What is the last thing you said out loud? i think i said “hows my girl?” to my cat LOL

What is your favourite ice cream? cookie dough!

What was the last thing you had to drink? diet coke 

Do you like your wallet? i do but i’m bad at remembering to put things back in it and not let them float around in my bag for weeks lmao

What was the last thing you ate? pasta w ricotta and broccoli 

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no 

The last sporting event you watched? i think i watched parts of some nba games w my mom before sports were cancelled 

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? just like classic movie theatre popcorn with not too much butter but definitely enough 

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? my friend

Ever go camping? yes  but not in like maybe  8 years i want to go again soon

Do you take vitamins? if i remember!

Do you go to church every Sunday? no

Do you have a tan? no 

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? BOTH but chinese maybe a little more 

Do you drink your soda with a straw? no i’m impatient and don’t own any reusable straws 

What colour socks do you usually wear? i only wear socks if im leaving the house or working out and usually theyre mismatched colors tbh i just grab what i can find 

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? only like 10 mph tops  if i know there aren’t cops around

What terrifies you? many, many things but mostly something bad happening to my family and friends 

Look to your left, what do you see? my phone and a pillow

What chore do you hate? folding/putting away laundry

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? koalas 

What’s your favourite soda? diet dr pepper

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? drive thru but i don’t really eat a lot of fast food; usually  i just like occasionally eat panera drive thru 

Who’s the last person you talked to? in person my mother, but like converesed w a friend 

Favourite cut of beef? i am a vegetarian. 

Last song you listened to? spotify tells me it was Bobby by Alex G

Last book you read? i reread parts of Crush by Siken on god im gonna start reading properly soon

Favourite day of the week? I’ve always liked Thursdays? No real reason tbh

Can you say the alphabet backwards? I’ve never tried

How do you like your coffee? i like coffee most ways! Iced, black, w flavored sweeteners, lattes, cappacuinos i just dont like decaf anything?

Favourite pair of shoes? i have a pair of black felt-ish boots with heels i thrifted that are my favorite winter shoes for summer i have these black strappy sandles w a tan heel 

The time you normally go to bed? sometime between 1 and 3 am 

The time you normally get up? if left to my own devices any time between like 10:30 and 12:30

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets! but i love sunrises when i see them too

How many blankets on your bed? Right now like 3 light comforters but I sleep with more  

Describe your kitchen plates: mostly white or lightly patterned but i have some nice ones that have been passed down in the family!

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? i like most dry wines but i also like ipas and lagers and gin and tonics 

Do you play cards? sometimes! i like rummy and war and go fish and black jack

What colour is your car? like a shimmery dark blue 

Can you change a tire? in theory yes because we had to learn in am*ericorps but rly only like 2 people rly knew and the rest of us just vibed

Your favourite province? i live in the us my favorite state ive been to is prob louisiana bc i love new orleans lol

Favourite job you’ve ever had? i loved teaching summer school for a bunch of little kids in flint michigan, or working in the Peace Garden in North Dakota 

How did you get your biggest scar? i had a belly button piercing that rejected like 5 years ago and left scar tissue also i have one on my forearm that i got like last summer when i was ironing a shirt and burned myself accidentally 

What did you do today that made someone else happy? idk i was feeling kind of off today bc im pretty sure i forgot to take my medicaiton so probably not a whole lot jasdjksakjdaddsadsa  i opened the door so my cat could sunbathe tho 

thank u @alloftheabove1957 for tagging me!! 💓 i tag anyone who took the time to read this sdfjk;jadf

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i keep forgetting to complain abt this so we’re doing this live...

i watched lady bird right, overall uh it was that rare movie that i think is good but didnt like, personally enjoy that much, & i suspect it wasnt helped by a couple of factors

while this didnt ruin it for me or anything i did really sour on a certain point ive complained abt before re media tropes.....i need cis ppl to find another device to symbolize “character accepts some aspect(s) of their identity thru accepting their given name”

its like unignorable to be watching this element throughout a movie & not have it feel vastly unpleasant... like its not like you can overlook it or just forget it or it just casually occurs to you that oh, lol, a trans teen might have this sort of experience, like...you have to be cis as hell & i guess have no non cis ppl within 50 miles of you to not have that occur to you even once

like, the awkwardness of trying to get people to use a name thats not on official forms & having to explain it on repeated occasions in non private settings & having people pause or raise eyebrows or roll eyes or question it or imply they find it ridiculous or whatever...thats like, some kind of dry humor if its applied to a cis person using a nickname i guess? but thats an experience for a lot of real people where it means a lot more than a preference and it can be received a lot worse & is gonna be a lot more high stakes for a lot of reasons

like i didnt mind it that much until retrospectively b/c i actually thought that for once they WEREN’T gonna do the thing where the character is like actually lol my birth name is fine, and spoilers, they do. like i was rooting for even a cis character trying to simply get people to use the name she liked best for herself. and now of course i resent that they put it in repeatedly throughout the movie. like it just annoys me at this point. the lack of respect for or existence of trans characters, yet theres all these subplots where cis characters press some Self-Determined Identity that they then let go of b/c its all denial of ur true self or whatever like. can you just stop

and anyways its like ive also said...even cis characters (and cis ppl irl) shouldnt be called by their birth name if they insist they dont like to be called that. even in those cases, to refuse to use the name they want to be called is a lack of basic respect, some rejection of their fundamental right & ability to define themselves & a dumbassed power move too. and its Really Not That Difficult.

its not like i think this plot device is inherently bad but its kind of evolved into some bs. like, the fact that almost exclusively especially in movies, a cis character having a Chosen Name will keep being pointed out as an awkward hassle & see how its different from their Real Name & most of all it keeps being revealed as Misguided in the end. meanwhile where are the trans people, in the movies as characters or behind the scenes as someone to be like, hey, this is annoying to see an ounce of something thats often a constant part of our lives & people are always trying to imply that we’re using Fake Names or lying about our identities by having “real” legal names and also in all ways

and also i can just testify that as someone who isnt cis and watched this movie it really stands out even trying to look back on the entirety of the film b/c im v bitter on this point & its not just a minor nitpick and sure doesnt feel like one either

also most scenes with her mom read really differently as someone w an abusive parent. not because i think the character was or was meant to be abusive, if nothing else in the way lady bird reacts to things as not at all the way someone who was abused would, but that kind of like “ooh rough patch in a parent-child relationship, friction so constant its expected at all times, overcritical behavior” is like, the normal interaction on a good day for abuse. i didnt read it as abuse in the movie and know that its not an actual factor but again, theres just no way for me to ignore it, thats just another way i couldnt really say i enjoyed it or would watch it again. thats how it be personally watching movies sometimes you know. you get scenes like that a bunch of times where it automatically evokes a different reaction than it would for most people & you’re aware of that & you can still interpret the interaction the way you know you’re Supposed to, but it doesnt stop you from feeling the way it makes you feel. it just altered the feel of this movie in particular coz it was like 2/3 of the movie. u also dont much get realistic invocation of Abuse / an abused character in movies or shows or books either so....(or when you sort of do in really subtle ways everyone interprets the character as a wimp or a jerk or whatever unless its some unrealistic, one dimensional, conveniently appealing and easy to deal with version of a character where they’re just kind of momentarily shy or sad but they warm up easily, or somewhat cold or cocky but really they just need to finally have a dramatic confession & then theyre all back to being a Regular Person left w no particular hindrances due to trauma that other ppl might find inconvenient or unsympathetic)

anyways

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 4 episode 17

"Absolute Power"

Notes by me

- abydos !!! Kasuf!!!! Abydos needs to always be Noted bc it was the First Planet < 3

- the ghost of sha're perhaps? Ive always said this show needs more ghosts

- goggles

- The sand speaks to Daniel. He is the sand god, guardian of the sand

- poseidon quivers before him

- "whos calling???" Hes so professional

- STEP SON!!!!!!! "Shifu" I love you, you are so cute omg

- this kids got ears for days

- I wish I had nanobot to make me grow fast. Would love to be 7 feet tall within 2 weeks

- Oma taught him to forget certain things. I would also like to have this power, there are certain things i would like to forget not gonna get into specifics

- "its always better to have a big long wick" someone arrest him

- am I finally getting Daniel and Step Son content . if I dont, this is false advertising

- this kid talks in riddles like Gollum

- wouldnt be surprised if he started saying "it cannot be seen, it cannot be felt...."

- awkward! Poor Daniel has to talk about apophis being his biological father

- "wed be filling his head with a thousand hitlers" colorful description

- Daniel in protective dad mode

- they want to go into this poor kids head who wants to bet this is a bad idea

- shifu is very Asian culture and it looks great on him

- OR WE CAN BLAST DANIEL TO THE FLOOR you know normal father son bonding time

- no glasses! Daniel

- he gave him the memories didnt he

- this episode was written for me specifically

- is Daniel becoming evil ? The writers love me

- is he reading WITHOUT glasses????

- oh boy hes lost his shit

- Very dismissive of tealc , almost like hes a goAULD!!!!!

- his IQ fucking spiked

- jack: youre being a little bitch!

Daniel:

- this isnt good! Could explode his brain!

- visions of Blasting Jack with a ribbon device is normal I suppose

- visions of killing apophis...less normal

- ONE WHOLE ASS YEAR LATER????

- he lives in a mansion like a rich bitch

- shifu is living with him😭😭💖💖

- ah his marbles are no where to be found

- everyone wants to BEAT HIS ASS and yeah I would like to see it

- HE HAD TEALC MURDERED IM CANCELLING DANIEL HE IS NO LONGER A "SMOL BOI" HE IS NOW ENEMY NUMBER 1

- okay of course he has cameras in the prison. this is just normal insane rich ppl stuf

- the over confidence. Shanks stop making me love u

- Daniel wit those white pants

- he has his own SPACE SHIP ???? Wheres my space ship

- *shoots Daniel with no hesitation*

- okay that didnt work. Plan b for Before he kills you

- "you never were that bright" alright. He needs to die. *cocks gun*

- jack: its the goauld! Theyre controlling you!!

Daniel: youre forgetting one thing. I'm an asshole

- he just blew up moscow and his minions are like just another day at work

- omg it all in his head JUST LIKE WHAT SHA'RE DID TO HIM

- shifu was proving the govrnt cant be trusted????

- or that the memories of the goaulds is too dangerous to remember

- daniel in a coma one minute, doing a jig the next

- oma is a good Mama 😭

- "thank you for telling me of my mother"

"She would have been proud of you"

"Of you as well"

- leave me alone I need to Process

- hes the same being as Oma (big light thing)

- BYE SHIFU I LOVE YOU I HOPE WE MEET AGAIN SWEET BOY 💖💖💖

~

Whump under the cut

Daniel jackson whump: shifu touches his forehead and his finger emits a bright light, Daniel falls to the floor with a yell and passes out. .noises, hospital scene, vivid recall, intrusive memories/visions, is generally evil thru out episode

No glasses!Daniel 🤓 several scenes thru out the episode for several minutes

🎶listening to Awake by Josh Groban🎶 just thinking about Daniel telling shifu about all the times he and sha're sat together and talked about archeology and him teaching her about languages and her teaching him about ancient Egyptian culture and shifus face lighting up at everything Daniel is saying bc this is his REAL dad and maybe some things he heard about sha're are familiar bc he does those too? Maybe they have the same laugh. Maybe they both like star gazing. Maybe they both like wearing daniels glasses to tease him. The words of this song also remind me of daniels depression about her death and how much he misses her but I like to think he found a little peace in telling her son about how much he loved her.

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 1 episode 20

"THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD"

Notes by me

- "good morning campers"

- Daniel on an alien planet: "yeah this place is definitely alien"

YA DONT SAY

- oh theres a warning! Alright pack it up time to go

- you know every time Jack tells Daniel its time to go and Daniel gets mad bc he didnt get to study the artifacts, I always think like just take them with you? You got a back pack bro. Just stuff them in there and study them later

- OH LOOK AT THAT somebody took my advice good for him

- Daniel for once in your life....no touchy

- I swear to god can u go ONE episode without getting in trouble. JUST ONE

- Daniel :

- thru the looking glass!

- "I really hate it when this happens" how many times have they left without him lmfao

- the over shot of him dialing the gate ❤

- SOMETHING IS DEFINITELY WRONG

- wait they have Iris deactivation devices? Thats cool

- katherine langford !

- no glasses!Daniel🚫👓🚫

- P3R233 is the planet where he found the mirror

- uhhhhhhh different dimension ????

- oh! Its a alternate reality. Thats really cool actually

- no Sam????

- confused, angry daniel

- "I belong here!" ❤

- ha! His knowledge about Ernest proves he is from a different reality

- General O'Niell

- "you know about the goauld?"

"Uuuuhhhhh yeah"

Daniel continues to give me the best dialogue

- oh shit oh fuck. Dont bring up jacks kid when he doesnt know you. I really thought he was gonna punch Daniel in the throat

- HEY maybe dont tell them about Chulak when they are already chucking nuclear war heads at every planet they can get their grubby hands on

- what did I just say

- long hair!Sam

- this is all very intense

- I wonder how these goauld found this earth.

- "I have no idea" AAHHHH💗💗💗

- gee look at that! I was right and now Chulak is space dust

- sam is being super helpful actually. Like her and Daniel bantering off each other about how he could have gotten here love it

- "so this isnt my world at all this is some sort of???????? *anxious laugh* other dimension???????"

I LOVE this part. Was that laugh real. It sounded real.

- I forgot this took place in the late 90s/ early 2000s lol

- "I think I'm dead" I wonder how I would feel if I knew my other self was dead

- I always said cheyenne mountain needed a hat. Thank you goaulds

- the goauld homeworld!!! NICE!!!

- now we can NUKE IT

- ya got 38 minutes bucko get to work

- oh shit its tealc

- sams reaction to daniels video ❤❤

- Jack vs Daniel

- time to appeal to tealcs inner softie 🤗

- love how Jack barely knows Daniel and yet he still does what he says . its about the trust

- SAM AND JACK ARE ENGAGED

- daniels face lol

- wait so if Jack is the general and hammond is the colonel does that make hammond the leader of sg1 in this reality?

- tealcs hair is....something

- Jack : I know you secretly hate the goauld

Tealc : LIES AND SLANDER

- welp rip Jack. Its kind of your own fault for blowing up tealcs wife and son so.

- katherine MVP 😤

- oh no everyone is dying. And by everyone I mean the side characters

- sam blowing herself up and taking 6 jaffa with her. Queen shit

- katherine. a hero to the end ✊😔

- she helped Daniel get out tho respect

- oh shit he got hit! Archeologist down!

- hahaha bye alternate!tealc no one will miss you

- they were looking for him that whole time!!! Wait how long was he gone? Are the times the same? Was he gone for only a short time in his reality? Important questions

- HE STILL HAS THE GOAULD HOME WORLD ADDRESS THATS MY BOIIIII

- "theyre coming!"

- CLIFF HANGER

~

Whump under the cut

Daniel jackson whump: manhandled, forced sedative, confused, noises! , passing out, frustrated, anxiety, panic ish, staff blast to shoulder, coughing heavy breathing, calling for help, NOISES

No glasses!Daniel for less than 10 minutes

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 1 episode 13

"FIRE AND WATER"

Notes by me

- P8X362 is a new planet they are talking about looking at ☺

- here come some more jaffa

- oh its sg1 nvm lol

- Wet™

- HEY uuhhh wheres Daniel

- he's dead???

- jk theres 9 more seasons

- I heard he dies alot in this show so this is probably his first death but definitely not the last!

- wow this nurse is CUTE👀

- I mean oh no poor daniel....

- sam crying 😭

- everyone dealing with grief differently . tealc with anger, Sam with crying, Jack is more reserved

- "He said "colonel, help me!" and then he was gone" AKSBDDJEND HE CALLED OUT FOR JACK???? THANK YOU WRITERS I KNEW YOU LOVED ME

- burned alive!!! Not Fun

- Jack tried to save him ajdjekdnd

- alright they seem a bit too panicky every time someone suggests going back

- dr fraiser is right they need rest

- LMFAO a funeral. Hes still alive ya dingus!

-

- "Daniel Jackson made this place....happen" THATS RIGHT 💪😤

- he had no family? So Jack keeps the flag?

- omg tealc gets the flag 💔

- theyre playing taps I'm laughing guys.....guys hes still alive

- MEANWHILE Daniel is Dazed And Confused

- no glasses!

- tealc in his cowboy hat

- I love how tealc is mourning using his own customs

- VIVID RECALL

- Daniel looks like a wet kitten

- this alien looks like something from doctor who like bro youre in the wrong franchise

- this outfit for Daniel tho👀👀 I'm looking

- Jack cant work without daniel😭😭

- Jack *smashes hammonds window* "you should get that window fixed"

- linguist!Daniel

- this alien is NOT listening

- death threats dont help anyone you big stupid face

- theyre just going thru his stuff

- "sha're is gone. Jack says we'll find her. If anyone can, he can"

- Jack seems to know Daniel is still alive somehow

- "WHY WHY WHY" obsessed with daniels argument comebacks

- 😭 saying he hates goaulds bc they took sha're from him😭

- he is SO FRUSTRATED with this dude. But !!! He looks fine as hell✨

- okay why is this alien so fucking DUMB

- Daniel so smart with his big brain

- it can permanently damage his brain. Of course he wants to do it! No sense of self safety. Why do you like pain so much

- sam , you are getting very sleepy

- ok so when they met he just assumed they were goaulds and gave them ZERO chance to explain. This alien is officially an idiot

- "oh my god colonel we left him behind!" THERE IT IS

- worried!jack

- I'm sorry this position that Daniel is in o.O

- THIS IS GOOD SHIT IM HAVING A GOOd TIME HERe FOLKS 👀👀👌👌

- ah she's dead. Rip to ur lady friend my dude

- Operation Rescue Daniel

- he comes out of the water like the goddamn Little Mermaid hes so extra

- "in time....you will find what fate Sha're"

- theyre so happy to see him!!!

- he just walks out of the water and theyre like yea alright lets go home lmaooo

- "Colonel said some really nice things"

"..........he did?"

is he gonna bunk with Jack now that they cleaned his apartment out lol

P.S. !!!! is there going to be more info on this permanent brain damage thing? If he has some little comebacks to it in later episodes than that will be cool

~

Whump under the cut

Daniel jackson whump: "death" , coughing, fear, wet, calling for jack, noises!, burning ish, blasted back by hand device, more fear, death threats, mind probed, intense brain pain

Tealc whump: emotional, vivid recall, shock

Sam carter whump: emotional, crying, vivid recall, shock, hypnosis , panic inducing memories

Jack Oniell whump: flinching, shock, vivid recall, head pain from memories, worried

No glasses!Daniel for whole episode🤓