#Bodyguard!tealc

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 2 episode 3

"PRISONERS"

Notes by me

- everytime Jack calls them Kids I discover 3 new emotions

- "we have no idea what this planet could offer!"

"........trees and moss"

- "I have no idea" 💕💞💕

- ok strange distraught man

- beamed!

- I hate it when Jack tries to explain things to people and they just TURN OFF THEIR EARS

- daniels hat hanging off his neck makes it look like a choker 👀 where's his cat ears

- creepy whistling!!! Dont like that!

- I'm laughing they were literally sent to prison

- feet. Omg what. Worst version of Cinderella

- *a prisoner gets obliterated by the vortex and cut off at the feet*

The other prisoners:

- ok violence! Of course Sam is a possession . can I get one fictional show without "realistic sexism" pls. Can I PLEASE get one show PLEASE

- "kids" 💕

- "tealc, look scary and take point"

- this dude who wants to be tealcs friend is so goddamn creepy *nervous laugh*

- leader lady seems really nice. The fuck did she do to get in prison

- Jack taking daniels glasses off and saying that showing weakness is not a good idea in prison 💜 reblog if u agree

- HUGE big brother vibes. Also Jack is acting like hes been in prison before 🤔

- no glasses!Daniel

- "the great circle"

- "the great wave" is actually a really cool name for the vortex thing

- she can give them the power they need but needs something in return?

- WHAT theyre gonna use....a plant?

- woa woa woa someone attacked Daniel and tealc protected him and we didnt get to see it??? Writers, turn on your location I just want to talk

- bodyguard!tealc

- "what are WE in here for?"

"Jay walking"

- Jack just admitted he was in prison once!!! What when where!!!

- ah yes goopy mud! Yummy!

- I wonder what it actually is? It looks a little like light brown brownie batter lol

- alright the leader of sg3 is kinda hot👀

- SG3 is headed to P2A509 and is no longer on the rescue team for sg1 :(

- P3X775 is where the people who sent them to prison are. The Taldor or whatever

- I'm assuming sg1 is not on the same planet as the people who sent them to prison since they went thru a stargate to get there

- hammond is going personally!!

- apparently she tried to help the taldor with a plague and accidently made it worse so they sent her to prison. Tough crowd

- is this hammonds first time going thru the stargate????

- IT IS!!!

- "the things I do for these people" AJDNRIDNDJSBFKDNFN

- daniel when hes sitting on the ground in the dirt. Its the slutty pose for me

- Jack dragging him up by the arm

- they commited suicide and thats so fucked up. And Daniel tried to stop them :(

- every single prisoner in this prison craves violence

- what was that? That hand device she used looked goauldish?

- saved by tealc!!! Bodyguard!tealc

- um when daniels lying unconcious and Sam is stroking his hair 😭😭❤

- meanwhile! I'm having fun with sassy Defense attorney!Hammond

- this Big Voice sounds suspiciously like a machine

- SHE CURED BLINDNESS HOLY moly

- "danny boy" AJDBEISDBDKZNDJDJDK

- wait why are they saying he won the fight? Didnt they see Linea with the hand held thing? She wasnt exactly hiding

- P2A509 ! daniel always with the plan

- "....and this just came to you?"

"No, it came to me while I was suffocating"

- yes! Go meet up with sg3! I want to see the hot Major again 😌

- time for Dirt Soup !

- hahaha Daniel made it to the top of the food chain bc he "won the fight". Its very obvious he didnt but I'm not gonna argue with a bunch of prisoners with an IQ of 3

- using his status so that sg1 can eat first lmfao my boy knows how to play the role💅💅💅💅💅

- tealc giving the dirt soup one look and becoming the human equivalent of the word Nah

- the power of plants!!

- this prisoner is gonna try some shit im calling it now

- it worked !

- LMFAO Daniel could not get out of there fast enough.,,boy was a blur

- did one prisoner get thru?

- daniels glasses resting on his head, holding his hair back ✨

- "this place is so alien"

"I thought so when I first came here. However, over time it has become home"

- its so funny to me when people from other planets call sg1 aliens. Like.....arent your ancestors from earth....that makes you an "alien" too

- exchanging science! Sharing knowledge!! This is what the program is about!!

- "he actually won"

- Jack has bruises on his neck from the fight earlier . I'm looking

- OKAY linea is evil?? Like mega evil? She kills people with plagues??? Its always the sweet old ladies you have to watch out for isnt it

- shit is she downloading all the stargate info? All the addresses they have?

- how in the goddamn fuck does she know how to work computers btw??? She literally locked them out of their own system and she doesnt even know what atoms are??? I'm so confused

- "we let her out"

"The destroyer of worlds"

- I really hope we see her again. This seems like an interesting storyline

~

Whump under the cut

Team sg1 whump: thrown through the gate, prisoners

Jack Oniell whump : grabbed , choked, fought, bruises on neck from rope

Daniel jackson whump: thrown from gate, heavy breathing, threatened, grabbed from behind, squeezed, choked, passed out, unconscious , weak, disoriented

No glasses!Daniel for more than half the episode🤓

🎶listening to Locked Up by Akon🎶

🎶listening to Cell Block Tango from the musical Chicago 🎶

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 2 episode 9

🚨trigger warning: mentions of rape in my notes🚨

"SECRETS"

Notes by me

- the chief from abydos! Also daniels father in law :)

- no glasses!Daniel in this scene

- I love how dedicated Daniel is to his space family and their culture😌 like this random Egyptian planet was like I'm gonna keep you! And he said okie dokie

- "I couldnt possibly be safer than in the company of tealc" AKDEOSNDJSJSSKA

- Jack wants to go back too lol

- Daniel back in his robes 💕

- back home for daniel! To abydos!

- Bodyguard!tealc

- apologizing to sha'res dad for not being able to find her yet 😟 its not your fault babe!

- SHA'RE??? YOUVE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME WHAT THE FUCK

- tealc:

- shes pregnant and that is....really bad. If its one of the goaulds that raped her. This got dark real quick

- "husband!" "My daniel" I CANT HANDLE THIS IM ALREADY GOING INSANE

- he doesnt want to bring his hopes up that its actually her 😭

- hes shocked but like.....i would be too

- I was right its apophis kid :\ this so fucked up

- Host Baby??? Big Yikes

- okay I'm gonna say this right fucking now before i watch any more. If Daniel blames her and gets mad at her for being raped and getting pregnant WITHOUT her consent than i will personally come thru this screen and slap the fuck out of him

- meanwhile! Jack and Sam bonding time!

- SAMS DAD

- sha're thinking Daniel wont love her anymore :( she better be wrong or I'm throwing hands

- she said the goauld is Amunet? Is that the dog goddess? Or the crocodile? I'm getting my Egyptian gods mixed up

- Daniel sitting outside to Process™

- "hasnt she gone thru enough?" My brain stopped working I'm so happy hes not not blaming her. Writers for once youre doing something right

- man hes really emotional about this

- tealcs right they need to take her anyway for her own safety.

- do u think he sympathizes with her bc hes been raped too? Its not said but I feel like thats what it is. He knows it wasnt her fault. And that also means they can comfort each other about what happened to them😟bc they understand

- okay why is sams dad being a total dill hole

- "Ive heard nothing about you, sir." Jack youre not off to a great first impression

- Jack making sam smile with sly jokes

- her dad knows she be lyin about her job

- he wants her to go to space HAHA if only he knew. His tiny brain would explode

- Daniel said he loves her no matter what and then gave her a big hug im LOSING MY MIND

- are we keeping the baby??? Am I gonna see Dad!Daniel and mom!sha're ??? 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

- micheal shanks eyes are super blue in this episode for my viewing pleasure only

- protective!Daniel 😍

- I'm just remembering how they met and when she showed him the forbidden drawings in the caves and they spent days together just sharing knowledge. When he found out they were married(in her culture) and just completely accepted it. When he saved her bc he realised he was in love. When he stayed on abydos so that he could live a full life with her and her people because he felt like he belonged. I'm fine

- parents need to ask before they set up things like job interviews. I have personal experience with this and im full of rage

- this reporter literally having a recording of Jack talking about the stargate and Jack flatly denying it. Zero fucks given

- Daniel saying he wont force sha're into anything. Bc up to this point shes been forced into so much!! He knows he needs to let her make her own choices!!! He gets it!!!

- im sorry both Daniel and sha're are so pretty in his episode. My bisexual brain is just having a real good time looking👀

- I REALLY really love it when she calls him "my dan-yel" ❤❤❤

- the SGC has a mole???

- LABOR somebody boil water

- oh its my goauld mans with the sick earrings

- Daniel helping her give birth. Sitting behind her and helping her breathe. I'm love

- "this is where we hid from Ra remember?" Ajdjsisnana thats such a cool detail

- he'll never leave her again there goes my heart

- "It's O'Neill. With two L's. Theres another colonel O'Neil, but he has no sense of humor at all."

- dont you hate when youre about to uncover a huge government secret and then immediately get hit by a car

- shooting the zat gun into the camera was a cool directing choice 🔥

- sam: so I'm getting a medal for my service this week! Cool right?

Jacob Carter: I have cancer

- he could not have been any more blunt

- ok dude cant you just accept the fact that she cant tell you what her job? Dont you know what top secret means? Cant you just be proud of her for what she does already???? Dick

- "I will always love you!!"

- she is scared she will lose Daniel and the baby :(

- its a boy! 💙💙

- the goauld is back in control oh god Daniel run

- shes actually pretty scary as a goauld

- yeah ok shoot the woman who just gave birth tealc YEESH

- that was a good idea to frame Heru'hur tho

- Daniel hesitating to leave her again. My heart is breaking 😢

- they saved the baby at least

- poor sha're didnt even get to see her son 😔

- bringing the baby back to the grandfather was a good idea😊

- this baby is SO SO cute

- is Daniel a stepdad now. Is he gonna come back and play catch with the kid when hes older. Is he gonna fully adopt him. I want him to fully adopt him

- Jack blaming himself for the reporters death. You gotta stop doing this to yourself man

- black shirt Daniel 👀👀👀👀

- HAHA tealc shoving the jaffa into the vortex lmaooo

- "you dare challenge me?"

"I was thinking about it"

- WHEN JACK GRABS HIS KNIFE REAL QUICK AND SPEARS IT INTO APPOPHIS HAND

- she definitely saw them and didnt say anything

- "are you alright?"

"No. No im not.........but I will be."

"She looked directly at us, Daniel jackson. And yet she did not reveal our position." YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS LADS. Theres still hope for my girl. She can fight this I believe in her ✊😤

- I will say it again tho. This storyline for her is very fucked up. No excuses, its just a bit over used in sci fi for the women characters to have surprise pregnancies.

~

Whump under the cut

Tealc whump: fought with jaffa

Daniel jackson whump: shocked, emotional, crying, forced kneeling, back handed

Sam carter whump: emotional , crying

🎶listening to You Are The Reason by Calum Scott and Leona Lewis 🎶 in honor of Daniel and sha're making me lose my collective mind

No glasses!Daniel for most of the episode

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 3 episode 9

"RULES OF ENGAGEMENT"

Notes by me

- stumbled right into a battle field almost immediately. Are we still sure they should be team 1

- sam: wonder who they are

Tealc: doesnt matter theyre about to die anyway

- army crawl!!

- Dramatic Slow Motion Death Scene

- wait those arent normal bullets

- I still laugh every time tealc wakes up and sits straight up with no emotion on his face. My man is the definition of stiff

- a child!!!!

- I spy with my little eye....daniels 90s choker

- "if we're supposed to be dead, how are you gonna kill us again?"

"You wanna find out, four eyes???"

".......four eyes?"

- this is like the gif of the big golden retriever holding the cat back from fighting another cat. Jack is the retriever. Daniel is the cat

- I hate this child

- when the camera pans over the biggest American flag ive ever seen. 'MURICA

-

- pov you are a young boy mouthing off and Jack Oniell is about to beat you senseless

- jaffa???

- its an army of spys omg

- this kid yells so much. Use your indoor voice please I have sensitive hearing

- fuckin apophis. Cant get away from him

- "corn and cotton are indigenous to north america "

"........and that information may save your life one day"

- they dont have wombs!!!

No worm bellies for my recruits!~ the captain probably

- tealc being like....in charge and bossy is hot. Like that sexuality that makes you attracted to people who know what theyre doing. Thats me

- "tealc what are these?"

"Intar."

"Short for?"

"....Intar"

- when tealc loses his Big Stick he will kill everyone in a 30 mile radius with his thumb

- tealcs plan is good. He should do most of the planning from now on. He seems to be the only one thats good at it

- *apophis appears as a hologram*

Me:

- the crude marker sketch of the seal of apophis on this kids forehead. An artist's rendition

- tealc saying that apophis loves Oniell and jacks eyebrows going so far up his forehead

- "the invasion of the tauri has been cancelled due to.......rain."

- I hate when people are so fucking dumb and never listen

- oooooooOOOOOOooHHhHhH bodyguard!sam for daniel💞💗💞

- Jack said diplomacy aint working its time to stun some kids

- okay they are annoying but I dont think they deserve to die

- Daniel and tealc telling the boy that apophis would be proud of him so he doesnt die in confusion/disappointment ❤❤❤❤❤❤

- this fucker stuck his fingers RIGHT INTO THE BOYS WOUND just to touch the blood he could already see like???? And then smiled with relish????? What the FUCK

- Daniel wears the smart pants in this scene. Telling the kid they r taking him to meet apophis so he doesnt put up a fight

- I swear this is Queelec from galaxy quest

- "id like to debrief ASAP colonel "

"Yes, my lord"

- tealc went thru the same thing these boys are going thru :\

- how long they been waiting for apophis to return. Years?

- fraiser being called a Sholva. Only one to be called that besides tealc so far

- oh no not the infamous tuna torture

-

- "my real name is rophiapgisy"

".....your earth name is Kyle. Can we call you Kyle?"

- pour one out for sg11 💔

- theyre gonna show all those kids my favorite youtube video titled Apophis Dies Like A Weak Bitch

- war paint!! its getting serious folks

- "everyone clear?....daniel?"

"What??"

"Good"

- stealth mission. Sneak100

- so weird to see tealc in camo and without his staff

- "get the vaccuum"

"Vocum"

"Whatever"

- INTnESE FIGHT SCENE

- you didnt think mortars were mentionable????? BRUH

- wow they got stupider

- youre literally killing each other and you dont think thats bad????

- they get to go home. But where is home? Were they taken as children? Do they remember their parents? Do they remember their planet? I have questions

- daniels hat is falling over his eyes. Him hat too big for he gotdamn head

~

Whump under the cut

Daniel jackson whump: gun to face, shot with stun gun, scene with Sam standing in front of him to body shield him from jaffa boy, passed out, noises

Sam carter whump: shot with stun gun, passed out, gun in face, cut on face for all episode,noises

Jack Oniell whump: shot with stun gun, passed out ,noises

Tealc whump: shot with stun gun, passed out, noises

🎶listening to Pumped Up Kicks by Foster The People 🎶 because this ep had naive children with guns

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 3 episode 5

"LEARNING CURVE"

notes by me

- oh my god??? Daniel being cute with kids and teaching them how to do archeology stuff?? Thats it I'm good I dont need to see the rest of the episode

- bandana!Daniel

- ooo a naquada reactor

- tealc staying as daniels bodyguard ❤

- the little kid knows everything about the reactor and the older dude doesn't? Is he just not a scientist or is it more sinister

- Jack avoiding the How Old Are You question

- why are there oNLY children helping them. I have yet to see another adult except for that one guy

- sams smug face when the girl says jacks dumb

- you know this kids right. Where are they gonna find another goauld larva for tealcs womb

- these people are from a long lost civilization hey thats cool

- theres trinium in her blood? Isnt that some sort of metal

- tiny robots!!!! Never a good sign!!!

- this girl is a good actor

- *draws stick figure* "its a picture of me!"

- again, I could watch Daniel do archeology stuff all day #dreamy

- dont mess with tealc when the wellbeing of a child is involved 😤

- Sam : is asleep facedown on her desk

Jack: "...major...caRTER"

Sam:

- this guy made his son revert back to baby brain and does not care in the slightest

- how do you not know how to physically teach someone something.

- "shes going back to get her brain sucked out!"

Hes not wrong

- Jack is set and ready with the adoption papers pen in hand

- "tealc do you see any danger to dr Jackson if he stays?"

Bodyguard!tealc confirmed

- I dont give a shit what this guy says. You dont treat kids like this

- " i didnt start experiencing great things until I was 15!"

"Like what things?"

"Oh u know.....stuff"

What stuff Sam tell me

- ✨reverse the polarity trope✨

- "what about the affect its having on Merin?"

Jack pouring the tea

- "you dont deserve them!" THATS RIGHT GO OFF JACK

- we now have a working naquada reactor for the sgc 👍

- Jack what ur doing is HIGHLY illegal !

- !!!! ILLEGAL!!!

- "colonel jack!!" These kids know Jack oh my god does he go visit this school on his days off. reason #1338281 he is perfect

- cassies old school apparently

- *child paints a crude picture of jack*

"I look fat"

- love how the most important lesson he could have taught her was art 💗

- a gift of crayons

- this is fucked up

- Jack got lucky with not being punished

- there was nothing they could do I guess

- when Daniel has his shirt hanging off his shoulders a bit he looks gnc af

- wow look at that. She gave them all personalities

- awww theyre teaching them now GOOD no longer idiots

- "I made u something to show my gratitude"

*picture of a stick figure*

"......Thanks"

- tealc and the little boy 💗💗💗

- what is it with sg1 and adopting every child they meet

- "dogs are my favorite people"

~

Songs under the cut

🎶listening to Young And Alive by Bazzi🎶 in honor of merin missing out on regular childhood

🎶listening to Fifteen by Taylor Swift🎶 because Sam talked about when she was fifteen

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 3 episode 1

"INTO THE FIRE"

Notes by me

- PREVIOUSLY - hathor tricked them all into thinking they were in the future and then tried to get them to give her information on the asgard I think?? Thats still kinda unclear. tealc left me!!! 😭, hathor has offered a worm to sg1 but they said no :\

- major davis is back and ready for action

- is this a new theme sequence?

- why is davis acting like he doesnt care about sg1, i thought we were supposed to like him

- davis: its just one sg team! We have other teams!

Hammond: I'm gonna need you to shut the fuck up before I shut you up myself

- when hammond says they dont have to go and they all step forward at once 😭

- "remember all the good times we had in each others arms?"

"I really try not to"

hardly in each others arms when Daniel was fighting back the whole time(if I remember correctly)

- daniels fucked up relationship with hathor is still not being addressed in the sense of Daniel finding closure

- still holding out hope they address what happened to him but I know how media is with men and sexual trauma. Nonexistent

- Jack as a host would be something, no?👀

- meanwhile tealc decided hes had enough and went home

- BRA'TAC!! We were long overdue for another appearance

- Oh I completely forgot about klorel

- hes 135 yrs old.....at least we know for a fact hes entitled to financial compensation

- can we pleASE stop pulling creatures out of this guys stomach ma'am this is a wendys

- oh my goooddd they actually made Jack a host. I thought they would get saved before it happened oh my god oh my g ...,, its time for a good time im ready

- aggressive lady is tokra!!

- how will they get it out of his head if it dies? Its body is just gonna sit there right?

- when sam tells the colonel that Jack has been taken as a host and daniels face is just :| zero emotion

- ah rip tokra lady

- rage filled tealc is my favorite tealc

- that shield around the gate is really cool

- you know for a 90s tv show with a budget of 3 dollars this action scene is amazing

- bodyguard Sam dragging Daniel to the trees✊✨✨✨💞 Daniel with a gash in his leg 💕👁👄👁💕

- ive said it once and I'll say it again. I love these bird guard costumes

- god shut uupppp Davis

- Jack has been frozen this entire time

- oh no he gave Daniel a gun. Oh that would be just awful if he shot himself in he foot (sarcastic, I want it to happen)

- TEALCS WHOLE FREEDOM SPEECH💪💪💪💙💙💙💙💙💞💞💞 MY BOYYYYYYYY is a true leader

- well he got a few ppl with him at least

- or just hammond

- tealcs face when hammond reveals himself🤗 best friends

- lol Sam was like yeah I'm going to find the source of the shield and then went to look for Jack instead. Like we get it girl stop being so loud

- the tokra lady saved him. We really owe alot to these rebels dont we

- when Daniel tries to help the fallen soldier but gets dragged away by the colonel 😌 I love Daniel in action scenes

- JACK KILLS HATHOR DARTH VADER STYLE

- I feel like it should have been Daniel considering hes got the most beef but the writers hate me specifically

- love how they just hold each other while still talking. Just holding each other. Whatever *succumbs*

- meanwhile theres a dead lady in the back round. You know casual otp scene

- oh god shes still alive

- "They do not build them as they once did" I aint as young as I once was

- HAHA when they get caught by the guards in the tunnel and Daniel tries to moonwalk away

- anyone else in here think it was hot when Jack pretended to be a goauld

- wonder how Daniel felt when Jack said he killed hathor

- "back up" is just tealc and hammond

- that space ship JUST fits thru the gate

- "YYYEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAWWWW"

- Sam immediately going to jack to see if hes ok💗💜💗

- sam, jack, hammond, tealc, bra'tac, and Daniel group hug. The Dream Team.

~

Whump under the cut

Jack Oneill whump: shot by zat gun, face grabbed, temple device ripped off, made a host, sweaty, shivering, Sam caretaker

Daniel jackson whump: blasted by explosion, shot at, disoriented, leg wound, limping, kneeling, captured, gunpoint, bruises on face

Sam carter whump: ribbon device to forehead, shot at, blasted by explosion

🎶listening to Raise Hell by Dorothy🎶 for tealc gathering all his fellow jaffa to rebel against the goauld

🎶listening to Revolution by The Score🎶 for the jaffa rebellion !!!

🎶listening to Hair by Little Mix🎶 for Daniel getting a haircut. Probably to get rid of the memory of hathor

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 2 episode 21

"1969"

Or in other words

"N I C E"

Notes by me

- confirmed that when sam talks science the other three just tune out

-P2X555

- they made a big deal of showing us her cut hand so I feel like it has significance

- oh no. Is the note his resignation or something pls say no I dont want hammond to leave

- they are back in the gate room?

- dont u hate it when u look up and realize you're underneath rocket boosters

- them running around yelling and tealc just fuckin shoots it

- the note syas George. George mcfly?

- Daniel so excited about time travel

- *stoner voice* dont mess with the time travel man its bad juju

- soldier, in russian: "are you Russian spies?"

Daniel, also in russian: "no"

Jack:

- is the close up of the guy smoking a ciggerent really necessary

- this is bothering me I'm bothered! Jack told the guy his name was Kirk and the guy didnt act like he knew what star trek was but the original series came out in the 60s???? Unless he lives under a rock

- "what sort of weapon did you use?"

"Well its hard to say"

"You mean its a state secret?"

"No its just difficult to pronounce"

- does hammond know they went back in time

- "theyre on their own" OH he knows

- sam: we are doomed

Jack: or?

Sam: there is no or

Jack: there's an or

Daniel: theres an or?

Jack: THERES ALWAYS AN OR

- "where theres a will.....THERES AN OR"

- A young hammond!!

- he acts exactly like him

- time travel man. Best trope in the book

- Obsessed with how he just takes their word for it that they're from the future. His life is just so boring he'll believe anything to make it exciting I guess

- young hammond said they still have jacks ray gun? What ray gun

- Jack omg ask before you shoot ppl. I'm sure if u asked him hammond would gladly be unconcious so as not to arouse suspicion

- so the 'something to happen' that they are waiting for is on the 10th or 11th. That means they are gonna spend like 6 days in the 60s lol

- Sam is the one to thumb bc she is a woman and the most likely to get picked up by a passing car I suppose

- "I speak 23 different languages. pick one"

- GOOD god tealc pls the racism is much worse right now, dont just jump out in traffic. Jack panicked for good reason

- these hippies....... Are so baked

- "whats your thing mean? Peace?"

"Slavery to false gods"

" right on!"

- they really put sg1 in 60s clothes. Bless the stargate gods.

- TEALCS HAIR okay but who took him inside a wig store and made him try on a bunch of hair

- there was a split second clip of them coming out of a store and tealc was waiting outside. My monkey brain says Bodyguard!tealc but my rational brain says racism

- Jack seems the only one with normal clothes. Daniel looks like he talks with a nasally voice. Sam looks like a mom. Tealc looks like he goes to discos on the weekends. Jack is like....in a t shirt

- lay low they said. It'll be easy they said.

- hammond asked her to do the research bc he knew it was gonna happen✨ my boy is SMART

- when they are talking about how theyre aliens and tealc is like...i am an alien

- oh god theyre so nice 😭

- daniels bad german accent should be illegal

- wait katherine??? Oh my gooodddd she has the necklace!!! Its my favorite series relic!!!

- how did she not recognize Daniel in the future. Its not like hes wearing a fake mustache

- felt like i got punched in the face when she said her boyfriend got drafted :(

- I want nothing but happiness for these van hippies I'm soft

- when they pull the bolts and the walls fall off revealing the gate ✊😭 modern art

- this whole plan has like a 50/50 chance of working. What are we waiting for

- I think jacks specialty in this show is falling out of the gate

- I thought this old lady was a ghost for a hot sec

- CASSIE???

- A HAND HELD DHD!!!! THEY FINALLY LISTENED TO ME

- "youre journey is just beginning" I should think so! Theres like 8 seasons left

- theyve been gone for like a week and then come back thru the gate wearing hippie outfits. Wheres the sitcom about the back round characters who just see them leave and come back

- hammond almost didnt let them go bc he didnt know if they made it back or not 😫😫💗💗💗💗💞💞

- jack: that was close we almost got stuck in the 60s

Hammond:

~

Jack Oniell whump: smacked in the face with butt of gun

Team sg1: gunpoint , kneeling

🎶listening to Summer Of '69 by Brian Adams 🎶 for obvious reasons

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 2 episode 7

"MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE"

Notes by me

- A nice stroll on the moon!

- I was wrong its not the moon :\

- Daniel so matter of fact when he says things. The Confidence

- "you think it might be a booby trap?"

"..........booby?"

- Daniel said the name of the episode

- this old ass metal ball is gonna be a problem isnt it. The theme for this show is Ideas That Backfire so I feel like this is a mistake

- 2 more elements for the periodic table!

- "I think he has a crush on you"

"Uh we are recording now..."

"......oops"

Daniel your match making skills are abysmal pls stick to your day job

- the NID again?? Barf no thanks

- P4G881 is the next mission!

- daniel saying his archeologist skills are needed here with the ball and hammond saying Noted

- no glasses!Daniel

- "Jack come on....."

"DANIEL"

Scolding his little bro

- P5C353 is where the ball is from

- is it alive???

- guys you are holding a radiation infected ball with your bare hands do you WANT to die

- IMPALED 👀

- oh god right thru his shoulder

- the alarm is giving me anxiety

- the rest of them running into the room to help 😭 all my kids are in love

- "where the hell is tealc"

- they just have to watch him suffer while they try to get it out of him

- Daniel needs to stop blaming himself for everything

- quarentine! I know how you feel guys

- at least they gave him something to sit on

- the ball has little bugs in it. They look like bacteria

- OH GOOD GOD THEYRE ALL OVER JACK

- oh no not graham!!! Hes cute!!

- is tealc holding jacks hand 💕

- who cares about your quarentine !!! Graham needs help!! Hes got one foot in the grave!!! Typical that he would be allergic to the only medication that could help

- "it wont take us without a fight,sir."

"Damn right"

- junior protects tealc from the bugs

- tealc staying with him and dabbing his forehead with a cloth ❤ im fine

- "tealc, you dont have to stick around"

"Undomesticated equines could not remove me"

- tealcs first joke mark the calendar❤

- they called each other "my friend" I'm on the edge of my sanity here folks

- DAMN that was a good scream. He reached out for tealc god im having a good time

- Graham is not looking too hot! He wants to see Sam :) maybe a little in office dating will spice things up? Would love for Sam to date a co worker who she outranks

- if it cant live without oxygen then just give Jack a breather and suck all the air out of the room.

- maybe that wont work since the bugs are already in the walls and thru out the base.....dont listen to me I'm dumb

- oh we are switching it up today my dudes. 'When in doubt, blow it up' has turned into 'under no circumstances give this thing more energy' so bombs are off the table I guess :(

- Jack pls dont blame yourself. What is with you and Daniel putting everything on your own shoulders

- sam and fraiser height difference 💕💕

- Graham needs to not die pls. I would like to see more of him

- not me just realising how hairy daniels hands are

- ".....come here!"

"Who?"

"What? Anybody! just come here!"

Daniel needing someone else to confirm hes not seeing things lol

- it has intelligence! THEN LET JACK GO YA ELECTRONIC SHIT BAG

- ah ok!! We need to give it a good kick!

-it wants to talk thru Jack ! I would like to see it

- the music for this scene🔥🔥🔥

- sam holding jacks hand my brain is imploding

- he looks oddly water logged ?

- "Good morning, campers." I AM OFFICIALLY FREAKED OUT

- the bugs.....can talk

- RDAs acting 💕💞💕😭😭❤❤❤

- if only Daniel wasnt jared 19 then maybe we would have known all of this information from the writings on the ball

- "he wishes to live" THIS IS SUCH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT FOR JACK BC OF HIS EARLIER ATTEMPTS TO KILL HIMSELF 😩😩😩💗💗💗

- P4G881 is a good idea. Let them infest an unpopulated planet

- I guess the bugs dont understand why someone would be nice to them lmao

- it worked! They let go!

- ok maybe not. Zombie!Jack

- best trope is the self destruct stopping at 1 second

- "we thought we lost you, colonel"

"wild horses, captain"

- lets never go to the planet that you sent them to ok? Okay

- ..........so is Graham still alive or no

~

Whump under the cut

Jack Oniell whump: metal spike through shoulder , pinned to wall, hanging off wall, crying, noises! , shocked by staff weapon mutliple times, infection, fever, screaming, blaming himself, worried tealc

No glasses!Daniel for less than 5 minutes 🤓

🎶listening to I Have Nothing by Whitney Housten 🎶 bc tealc is jacks bodyguard and if Jack died he would be heart broken 💔 bros for life

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 3 episode 11

"PAST AND PRESENT"

Notes by me

- oh my god its the guy from Monk

- "we're travelers" I always love when he says that

- tealcs dad named him. It means Strength ❤❤❤

- mass amnesia

- as the theme plays i want to comment on how comfy I am right now. Im at my kitchen table next to a window. Tis a beautiful sunny day and I'm eating fruit . you wish you were me

- "I cant breathe!" Heres some cocaine for your troubles

- cough choker cough

- "the destroyer of worlds" I was waiting for her to come back!!!! YESSSS

- Daniel stop flirting. I cant believe you're already at work again after losing ur wife. How many weeks has it been

- Sam looks hot in this episode

- kera: how did you meet lynea

Daniel: prison break *x gon give it to ya starts playing*

- this is so funny theyre talking about this old lady lile shes Satan

- at least kera doesnt blame them for lynea

- I LOVE FRAISER BEING IN THE FIELD!

- ok hes kinda cute when women are flirting with him

- Jack and Sam in the backround looking like they both want to sink into the floor

- I love watching new ppl go thru the gate. Their reactions are great

- "what if doctor fraiser cant help them?" So what???? At least shes trying???

- lmao kera is me. Just super happy to be here

- "do you want something?"

"YES"

ok horndog slow down

- first we have to dump all daniels trauma on you before we start the kissing part

- *suction cup sounds*

- I mean ya gurl go for it. Always take any opportunity life throws at you imo

- also I get why Daniel is going along with it. Sha're would have wanted him to be happy

- YOOOOOO THEY FOUND SOMETHING THAT MAKES THEM YOUNG AGAIN

- can we like ask them what it was and then keep it for us.

- sam: kera is probably lynea

Jack:

- "who do you trust most with your life? Could it be tealc?"

Akdbeisnsnd Jack is like DUH

- wait...EW Daniel omg u sucked face with an old cougar

- sam: we need her help

Hammond: HOMICIDAL MANIAC

- her IQ is like 100000

- orner volunteering 😤

- oh fuck is he dead what the hell. I dont want this

- kera: oh good hes alive lets stick him with more needles

- "I will accompany you"

"Tealc..."

"I'm concerned only for your welfare Daniel jackson"

BODYGUARD TEALC BODYGUARD TEALC BODYGUARD TEALC

- im sorry this is so weird.

- oof Jack bringing up sha're and Daniel not even saying anything :\

- it works!!! Another planet saved

- Daniel putting his hand on tealc to tell him to hang back. Good shit

- well at least she knows everything she did was wrong. I mean I dont think she should die for it. I agree with Daniel thats shes different now

- 50% love violence 50% love Daniel

- SMART BOY wipe her memory again like the winter soldier

- she decided to forget who she was and live with the people of that world. This is a bitter sweet ending

- kera: do I know you

daniel:

~

🎶listening to Myself by Bazzi🎶 for Daniel saying Bye Felicia to Kera

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 2 episode 14

"TOUCHSTONE"

Notes by me

- PX7941 "Madrona"

- a way to control the weather? Yum yum I'll take rain clouds and thunder with a little bit of warm wind on the side pls

- "carter wants to get a closer look with one of her......doohickeys"

"Doohickeys?"

"I believe thats the technical term,sir"

- the way Daniel bows ❤

- is their leader blind?

- people that look like them. Maybe another sg team? Or maybe they were posing as sg1? How dare they. I bet they look nothing like them

- these poor people.... I want to help them

- this whole thing is making Jack suspicious of hammond :(

- how the fuck could he NOT know when someone uses the gate? That thing is loud as shit

- ok ok! Hammond being humble and saying Sam should check the gate logs anyway ❤❤

- isnt the second gate in a vault or something? Like area 51 or whatever? I'm p sure that where they said it was gonna go idk my memory sucks

- "SOn Do YuO kNOW wHaT ColOR THiS PhOnE IS"

- I have a feeling jack probably knows who is using the second gate

- the stargate program was originally just gonna take stuff from other planets without buying them dinner first?? Thats fucked up

- Jack :

- "a three man team with a jaffa escort" bodyguard tealc confirmed

- whats up with this silhouette shot I cant see shit

- "weve been reading your notes doctor jackson......'Meaning of life stuff' I love that" I already hate you

- they all look HIGHLY disturbed when they see them studying the glider lol

- HELLO MAYBOURNE I HATE YOU

- "in my culture I would be well within my rights to dismember you" akdbsjsbdn

- tealcs got beef hes not letting go of anytime soon

- THE GATE IS PLASTIC ok but can u imagine if they sold life size plastic replicas of the gate. I would go insane

- you cant just expect Jack to drop something like this

- did the president do this?

- Daniel and Jack adventure !

- this leader guy is getting on my last nerve

- I guess hammonds got good ass contacts huh

- Hammond: you guys are forbidden to shoot ppl

Sam and jack: :\

- backwards hat jack😊😊😊

- "hoo tha hell ah yoo" we found a New Yorker

- where the fuck are they going!!! Somebody go look at the dhd!!!

- oh its the weather device MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

- daniels "AH!" when he missed the address lmao

- that statue had nipples

- Daniel and Sam look so cute with their goggles on their head

- oh good they are still letting sg1 study the device

- permanently sealing the second gate seems like a bad idea

- still not convinced maybourne was innocent

- "oh you know artifacts get misplaced" this just confirmed he was involved in the heist while also foreshadowing the future use of the second gate all in one sentence👏👏 good job writers

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 1 episode 12

"BLOODLINES"

Notes by me

- these peeps look like jaffa bc of the marks on their heads

- tealc ?????

- EW THEYRE PUTING A WORM IN HIM STOP THE RIDE I WANT TO GET OFF

- they STILL cant remove Junior :\

- looks like youre gonna stay pregnant for a little longer buddy. I'll buy you one of those books about what to expect when youre expecting

- back to chulak!

- he is meditating. Do Not Disturb

- Ryac is his son??? He has a wife too??? Wtf tealc, a little more info would be nice next time

- "my friend" 💖

- his teacher taught him to say Fuck The Alien Government

- hammond: whats your reason for wanting to go to chulak?

SG1: we just think Tealc is neat

- honesty is the best policy

- hEY DONT SHOOT MY ALIEN MANS

- hammond is SUCH a dad

- these costumes lol ALSO HOW DOES TEALC EVEN SEE IN THAT SNAKE HELMET ????

- Daniel in his hat 😌

- oh shit they burned his house

- I know this actor!!!

- its bratac!!! He is against the goaulds too right so he can help them

- "warriors of great skill and cunning"

- bra'tac is INTENSE

- ALRIGHT HE JUST SAID SAM CANT FIGHT BC SHES A WOMAN AND THEN CALLED DANIEL A TWINK BRATAC IS NOW CANCELLED

- "who are you calling a hasac!.......whats a hasac"

- oh his insults were a test. Unrelated but gimme a sec to cancel an air strike

- sg1 passed bratacs vibe check I guess

- damn hes 133? Doesnt look a day over 40

- Daniel and Sam sent on a kiddie mission

- lmao why does Jack think hes in charge

- Bodyguard!Sam for Daniel ❤❤❤❤

- sam this is no time for church you can confess later

- his wife seems nice 🙃

- hey lady wtf he just saved your son from worm impregnation calm down

- SLAP! zero effect. Minimal damage

- oh alright maybe she got half a point

- aw father and son 💙

- oh hes sick thats why she wanted it in him! Ok I get it now

- Meanwhile!........ Goauld soup

- "on 4!" Lmao

- I agree with Daniel. You got one so just smash the others. Theyre not gonna be used for anything good I can tell ya that

- HOLY FUCK DANIEL JEEZ

- goauld soup:

Daniel:

- damn hes changed O.O

- ah shit is his kid gonna die I cant deal with that :(

- tealc noooo dont give up your symbiote youre so sexy aha

- oh this is so nasty

- sam covering Daniel from the grenade😭😭👏👏💖💖💖

- OH MY GOD I didnt even think of using the one they stole to save tealc!!!

- ok Keep Moving means KEEP MOVING

- literally what are you doing. You can take your wife and kid with you? Back to the sgc? Its not that hard. They can literally just go with you

- bratac kicks ASS

- "I will cross that bridge when i come to it"

- if bratac teaches ryac the same as he taught tealc than that kid should be fine

- BYE BRATAC! I'm sure I'll see you again ☺

~

Whump under the cut

Tealc whump: medical table, visions, crying, crying out, emotional, dying, weak, unconscious

🎶listening to Stand by Rascal Flatts🎶 for tealc going thru shit and still coming out okay :')

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 1 episode 8

"THE NOX"

Notes by me

- "chevron 7 locked" !!! I love when the computer dude does this

- *Sam explains what the gate is*

Some dumb old guy: shes trying to communicate I know it

- P3C117

- theyve already been to 19 different worlds???? Holy shit

- me and Daniel are both very confused as to what their job is

- tealc wants to help find weapons for earth???? Is he trying to prove his loyalty

- we're on the hunt for invisible creatures here we goooooo

- Jack came thru alone.....

- oh wait no there they are lol

- Daniel and Sam in their liddle helmets😌

- LOL five minutes on a new planet and they already lost the stargate smh

- what if its just invisible and they bump right into it haha

- "Daniel youre with me" I will take any crumb of Bodyguard Jack For Daniel that I can possibly get

- it looks like a big bug. Sounds like a big bug. It's probably a big bug

- JAFFA!!!!!!

- Daniel in spaz mode

- Jack is right. Tealc is doing extrememly well for someone who used to worship these people and now he wants to kill them. Makes me wonder what changed his mind about serving them. Or if he ever really was loyal to them in the first place?

- they died??????? But theres 9 more seasons!!!

- tealc willing to die with them!! Hes in love 😭

- "I thought we were dead werent we dead....?"

".......yeah"

OBSESSED with their deduction skills

- THE SOFT WAY THEY WAKE JACK UP

- these people have moss in their hair

- "hi!" Daniels first instinct is To Make Friends✨

- theyre hippies!!! Forest hippies

- "I have no idea" THERE IT IS

- I just want everyone to know im always gonna point out when daniel says that bc its my favorite thing he says

- why do kids love Jack so much is it his Dad energy

- tealc!!! Everyone calm down tealc is ok!

- when the forest guy speaks for the first time and jacks first response is "woa"

- they just want to be left alone

- brother??? Uh oh

- JAFFA!!!!! EEK

- haha his name is shackle. You got a stupid name idiot

- when Daniel suggests murder and everyone just. Stares

- stop acting so surprised. You're the ones corrupting my archeologist

- I hate this goauld voice. Ridiculous

- is tealc the only jaffa that left? Is he the only one with brains

- these people must be half tree or something

- BUG!!!

- Daniel still trying to learn all he can about them while hes there ❤ babe

- four hundred and thirty two holy shit

- theyre peaceful ! Just leave them be

- you dont look a day older than 25!

- the nox are the invisible things??? I mean yeah I'm not surprised

- "they would know someone had buried it" ok yeah maybe theyre on to something

- give it up tealc this guy aint accepting your prom proposal

- OH MY GOD VIOLENCE

- tealcs only concern is the woman 😭💕💕 H E

- LMAO the jaffa always try to be sneaky but their suits are so fuckin loud. The sound of their asscheeks keep alerting sg1

- this kid is adorable and hes gonna get himself killed

- oof I was right

- "think they bought it?" Jack always has a plan!!

- this rip in daniels shirt is distracting me

- daniel is working on his staff skills

- *tealc beating the shit out of people*

Me:

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! THEY COULD HAVE ENDED IT RIGHT THERE!!! WHAT THE FUCK

- "it is our way that the strong defend the weak" IM SORRY DID HE JUST SAY "OUR" ??? THE DAY HAS COME! TEALC IS OFFICIALLY ADOPTED

- THATS A BIG FUCKIN CITY

- thats some advanced technology! Maybe they CHOOSE to be forest hippies

- "The very young do not always do what they are told"

- bye forest hippies! I wish you a very pleasant no violence

~

Whump under the cut

Tealc whump: stabbed, collapse, weak (only lasts about 2 minutes)

Jack Oniell whump: shot , "death" , unconcious

Daniel jackson whump: shot, "death" , unconcious

Sam carter whump: shot, "death" , unconcious

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 1 episode 5

"THE BROCA DIVIDE"

Notes by me

- "I pride myself on my deductive reasoning skills" I kin

- P3X797

- yeah the numbering the planets is kinda eh. Maybe give them some names......like.....🙌✨bianca✨🙌

- "fly boy"

- oh god the lighting for this planet set

- the shot of the gate in the dark 🔥

- attacked!!!!

- love that everyone keeps thinking theyre gods lol

- such a fine line between the dark side and the light side of the planet. I sound like yoda. bEtween ThE DArK SIdE AnD LiGht SiDE oF thE pLaNEt, a FInE LINe thERe is

- I forgot that tealc has seen some shit being the goaulds lackey. He knows some stuff

- "bulls were all over Minoan culture but we never knew why" now thats interesting! I will google this when the episode is over

- dad!Jack said pack your bags

- daniels so pissed lol

- omg they are actually letting him go back

- when the dude attacks tealc and hes just 😐. chill as fuck

- Daniel in a turtleneck

- UUHHHHH how did those guys fall to their demise?????? Isnt that glass supposed to be like bullet proof??? Or nuke proof???? What????

- naked Jack 👀

- "I want you!"

"Why?"

- CARTER HAS GONE APESHIT! ..... Haha get it?? Apeshit. Heheh

- lmao carter chose Jack bc he will produce the strongest offspring 😂

- Neanderthals !!!!! *Same as yelling YOUTHS!!*

- ???? What disease makes u a monkey man

- "she tried to seduce me..."

" oh..........you poor man"

AKSBDWIDBEJEHDHD

- Jack pls dont hurt your archeologist hes fragile

- hey guys guess what Jack has? MONKEY MADNESS LMFAO thats a knee slapper

- Daniel getting mad when the doctor said Mister Tealc instead of just tealc lol

- new plague just dropped

- this face makeup for Jack makes him look like a Who

- a Daniel and tealc adventure!!!!

- "just the two of us?" You can make it if you try

-sneezy!Daniel

- is this gonna be Bodyguard Tealc for Daniel bc a bitch knows thats my ultimate favorite trope. 'Smol non action guy needs protecting by physically bigger action guy' is probably my kryptonite

- the squealing noise when they travel thru the gate Hurts my ears

- awwww Daniel not leaving this poor girl

- KIDNAPPED!!!

- oh no his glasses 😩

- hes putting his life on the line to be the test subject for the cure😭😭 I love u Jack

- GOD hes a good actor

- this guys crop top is sending me

- "I lost my friend" HIS FRIEND 💕💕💕

- tealc getting the blood to save his new besties 💖💗💕💗💖💗💕

- "mister tealc" I love this doctor

- tealc sitting with Jack and telling him he lost Daniel 😟

- Jack volunteering to test the cure 👑

- tealc tucking him in bed goodbye world

- "Lucy I'm home!"

"I am not lucy"

- aaahhhh Sam and Jack are ok it worked!!! Why am I gasping. this show has ten seasons

- concerned!Jack about Daniel

- DANIEL AS A CAVE MAN IM LAUGHING

- DANIEL STOP MONKEYING AROUND! lmfao get it......monkeying around.....

- tranqued!

- TEALC CARRYING DANIEL OKAY

- "theres our boy"

- they saved all those ppl💖💖💖💖

- are Jack and Sam gonna be a Thing bc I'm GETTING THOSE VIBES. 👀👀 I'm glad she was the first to "persue" the other even tho she was half monkey at the time. I like it when the woman is the one that starts it. I dont know why. I just do

~

Whump under the cut

Daniel jackson whump: fear, manhandled, attacked by jack, punched, blood on lip, out of breath, kidnapped, dirty, beaten, torn clothes, primitive!daniel, unconcious, tranqued, carried by tealc

Jack Oniell whump: attacked, fear, primitive!jack, scratches on skin from Sam attacking him

Sam carter whump: primitive!sam, restrained