#THEY DEBONED MY BOY

[supermarvelgirl15]

Just finished X-Men ’97

[dragon-subway]

man yknow when a salmon tin says “may contain small bones” it might be tempting to assume that, at most, there’s gonna be a few ribs in the occasional tin. This is the fool’s error, what they truly mean is that all tins have at least two sections of spine with ribs attached

[meowmeowmeowmeow4x]

Dark Blue Moon and the Suffering Sun Chapter 4

Damian's face twisted in disgust at the offending object.

Phantom's quirked in confusion. He nudged the massive striped bass towards the smaller siren. "What's wrong?"

"I am a vegetarian." Damian huffed. "And it's raw."

"Oh. Uh, whoops." Phantom shrugged. "I don't know how to break it to you, dude, but, like... There's not much better to eat out there."

Damian glared at him. "I would rather starve."

Perhaps he was being too stubborn. With a buffoon of a companion such as this, the situation was better treated as a survival scenario than a mere mission. Damian was no fool. Vegetarianism was a luxury afforded to those with the food abundance to choose.

That, and it had been a solid sixteen hours since his last meal. His tail felt sore and aching in a way he hadn't felt in years. His stomach growled and groaned, demanding something to fill it.

The last time he felt a hunger like this was when he was still in the League, when they sent him out on weeks long missions where he starved under moonlight and ate birds and rats to survive.

"Come on, Damian, you need to eat something." Phantom cajoled, as if his puppy-eyed look could ever match that of Richard's. "And the seaweed's not gonna sustain you. Believe me I tried."

"Are sirens obligate carnivores?"

"No, but-"

"Then tell me why I cannot sustain myself off of kelp and seaweed?"

"Dude, those things have literally no calories in them."

A valid point, but just because he was right did not mean Damian had to cede the point so easily. "Is the siren species so primitive as to not have cultivated plants in order to sustain their population?"

"I literally don't know how to answer that dude. Do I look like an ambassador or something to you?"

Damian frowned.

"Look, it's getting late and we'll need all the rest we can get. I promise it doesn't taste that bad. We'll try and work something out tomorrow, how's that?"

Damian sighed. "Very well, but only because I very my life, thank you very much."

"Thank god for that..."

Damian unwrapped himself from his tail, and approached the poor fish. "I am terribly sorry, fish. I will not let your sacrifice be in vain." He muttered.

He looked up to find Phantom with a small knife, cutting up the fish into messy fillets, like this was the first time he'd done so. Peculiar. Surely he had lived off fish his entire life, and had deboned many before this moment.

"Just so you don't get poked in the mouth by a bone or two. Those things suck."

Phantom offered a strip of meat. Shutting his eyes, Damian took the food, and shoved it into his mouth, chewing minimally before swallowing.

The taste was... acceptable.

More than acceptable. perhaps.

It would be a shame to let the fish's death go to waste.

...

Damian sank his teeth into the side of the fish, eyes almost rolling into the back of his head from the taste.

Some time later...

Danny floats back into the cave, a handful of kelp bundled up in his arms. "Hey Damian, look I know this situation sucks for you, like in every way, so I went out and got some greens for you, just so it's not all meat and- Wait, Damian?"

The boy in question slept fastly, his fins gently drifting back in forth in the small currents caused by Danny's entrance. His head was slumped against the bass he'd brought in earlier, little strips of fish still stuck in his teeth.

Now that he wasn't making faces and being angry at Danny, he was honestly pretty cute.

Danny wiped some of the bits of meat off Damian's cheek, careful not to scratch his soft scales with a misplaced claw. Despite being so small, Damian managed to chew through a sizable portion of the fish that was easily half his size or more.

Setting the child's body to the side, and draping a small blanket over him, Danny set to finishing off the rest.

He hoped everyone back home wouldn't worry too much. If the GiW boats didn't clear out by tomorrow, then they were in for a big problem. He and Tucker were working on making waterproof earpieces, but they weren't ready yet, and his waterproof phone had been left in his room when he'd rushed out to get Damian back. That meant no communication with Amity Island whatsoever. No way to get in contact with Bruce Wayne, and no way for his friends to know he and Damian were ok.

He was really in over his head, wasn't he?

The morning came with a very loud wake up call.

"YO BABYPOP!"

Danny jolted awake and bumped his head into the nearest desk overhead. "Who's attacking us?!"

Beside him, Damian jerked himself into a defensive stance (or as close to one as he could manage.)

The curtains of the cave were pushed open, allowing streams of sunlight to stream in and blind the boy with its glare. Peeking into the cave was the head of one Ember McClain, a vicious grin plastering her face.

"You never told me you got a kid!"

Damian chirped indignantly.

Danny sputtered. "Whawhwh Wh Wait a second!"

Ember pulled out of the cave, and squealed. "Yo Kitty! Dipstick's got himself a kid!"

A woosh of water rushed past, and Kitty's neon green and teal scales showed themselves. "Omg! Phantom aren't you like fifteen? What the heck?!"

Danny blushed deeply teal. "He's not mine I swear!"

Ember pushed Kitty out of the way. "Oh my gosh he's so tiny. Who's the lucky woman?? Or man??? Phantom what have you been getting up to without us?!"

Damian hissed at him from behind Danny's shoulder (when did he get there?) "Begone, harpies! And cease your accusations! I would sooner perish than be related in any way to this incompetent fool."

Ember trilled in adoration. "He's so freaking adorable. Where did you get him, Babypop? An orphanage??"

Danny would've done a spittake, if he was above water. "W-what?! Dude, literally where would even find an orphanage around here?"

"Did his parents dump you on him like Johnny was?"

"Uh I'm not even gonna question that."

Ember clasped her hands to her mouth in scandalous shock. "No way, did you finally turn to the dark side and kidnap him?"

Damian piped up again, gripping on Danny's shoulders with his unsheathed claws and rising higher. "Nonsense, I claim no familial relationship with this person, not by blood, law, or emotion. He is as close to me as any stranger would."

"Ouch Damian. I literally saved your life."

Ember and Kitty chortled and shorted. They clutched their bellies and lead against the walls of the cave. "It's just... PFPFTT Phantom you total scoundrel, ahah!"

"Yeah yeah, look I gotta get this kid back to his dad on Amity, and quick. He's probably losing his mind over there."

Kitty gasped. "So you did turn him."

Danny shushed them. "Don't scream it out for the whole ocean to hear!"

He rushed out the entrance of the cave and shooed them in, covering the doorway up as they entered.

"Look I'd really, really rather you guys keep this on the down low. This is kind of a huge deal right now." Danny said.

He turned to Damian, still perched on his shoulder, his little tail brushing against Danny's ghostly white sail. "Is it ok if I tell them?"

"if it will convince them to vacate the premises."

"If you have to know, Damian's the son of some ultra rich guy. Skulker got him for whatever reason, and I was forced to turn him."

"Dude, Skulker went for a literal child?!" Ember clenched her first, likely hiding her extending claws. Right, Skulker was a bit of a touchy subject for her. "Of his own kind, no less?!"

"That's fucking low, girl."

"And now the GiW are going crazy too. Probalby got a huge donation or whatever. We're just waiting untli they go away so I can get Damian back to his dad, without any dissections. That also means none of you guys should be going near the place either."

"Pfft, too late for that."

Danny froze. "Who did they get?"

"Relaaxx, Dipstick. I was just preparing another concert, only for like fifty boats to show up out of fuckin' nowhere. Luckily I heard them before they saw me, but come on! I was miles from Amity at that point!"

"Miles?" Damian whispered.

Danny felt the same way too. They were only increasing their patrols now, shit.

"It's bad enough that the rest of the Pod are freaking migrating. We haven't migrated in years!"

"Yeah, actually, Phantom you wanna join us? I know you have this whole, err, thing, with Amity Island, but we hardly see you. And Johnny's been itching for a rematch."

Danny looked over his shoulder, to where Damian was lost in thought. This might have been the first them he'd seen the kid not glaring.

"Thanks for the offer, but I need to get Damian home. It's my fault he's like this, and he's got a whole family out there waiting for him."

"Don't you too?"

Danny swallowed a thick of water. He did have a family, a family that was probably going crazy. But at least part of that family, and his friends, knew he could take care of himself, knew that he was a siren, knew that the water was his element. Damian's family didn't have that luxury.

"We'll figure it out."

The girls shared a look, and shrugged. "The offer still stands, Babypop. Oh, and i'll be sure to fuckin' dice Skulker next time i see him, lying, cheatin' bastard.

For a moment, the boys watched the two siren teens' trailing tails, before they turned a corner and disappeared.

"Gotham."

"What was that?" Danny asked.

"If Amity Island is inaccessible to us, then we have to go to Gotham."

"Isn't Gotham-"

"On the East Coast? Yes, it is. It's our only option."

"That's thousands of miles, and you can't even walk!"

"Would you rather we stay here, waiting for the GiW to approach us and kill us both?"

Danny clenched his jaw. Damian was right, wasn't he.

"The only way to reunite me with Father is to go to Gotham. They will not be expecting us there."

"How can you be so sure?"

Damian dislodged himself from Danny's shoulder and floated in front of him. "Because they are unaware of the sirens' power of transformation, am I correct?"

"Good point, but wait, how did you know that?"

"I did some cursory research before coming here. The prevailing theories put forth by the supposed 'experts' on the matter asserted that sirens eat their human victims, with no mentions of turning. They have no reason to believe I am not dead., and no reason to suspect any siren activity in Gotham."

"And you're ok with that. Thousands of miles of swimming in the endless ocean full of things wanting to eat you?"

"Are you not?"

"Ok ok, calm down." Danny had to chuckle though. Rich as this kid may be, he was definitely not spoilt enough to sit still and wait for his dad to save him.

"And the fastest way to get to Gotham is via the Panama Canal." Damian puffed his chest out in what was probably pride. Danny stared at him, dumbfounded.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Have I ever jested to you before?"

"No seriously. The Panama Canal. You realise that place is monitored up and down, right? Literally the moment we get spotted, the locks are gonna, you know, lock down, and then we'll be stranded and sitting ducks to be chopped up by the GiW."

"That will not be an issue. You possess the power of camouflage, do you not? And again, they will not be expecting us in Panama, so they will have no reason to bring any sonars there."

Danny wanted to bang his head against the wall. This idea sounded so stupid, but not stupid enough that it was unfeasable.

"In addition, you said it yourself. Your negligence resulted in my permanent loss of humanity, so it is your responsibility to do whatever you can do right your wrong."

Shit. Came with being the son of a businessman, didn't it? This kid was guilttripping the hell out of him and Danny could honestly not say he didn't deserve it.

"Fiiiine. We're going to Panama."

"Excellent." Damian grinned. "Let us leave immediately."

Danny could only pray that none of the 50 things that could go wrong, did go wrong, but when was his luck ever that good?

No, instead, Danny strapped in whatever supplies he had laying around in the cave. To Panama we go...

[silverzoomies]

NOOOOO MAGNETO HOW COULD YOU DEBONE MY BOY LIKE THAT BRO HE AIN'T A CHICKEN !!

[merakiui]

Which twst boys do you think should get coal? Who's been a good boy?

Riddle - many gifts and strawberry tarts for him!!!! He deserves that and so much more. <3 it is a very merry Christmas for my beloved.

Trey - hmm,,, I suppose I can overlook his oyster sauce trick just this once... Trey receives presents because he is Trey and he most definitely bakes delicious cookies, but he is on thin ice. (≖_≖ )

Cater - gifts!!!!!! :D and may he receive lots of likes and followers on his Magicam.

Ace - coal. >:(

Deuce - gifts for good boy Deuce!!!! He is the best boy. May his stocking be full of happiness and yummy treats.

Leona - gifts. <3 Leona has done nothing wrong and I love him, so therefore he will receive lots of gifts!!!

Ruggie - also plenty of gifts!! Nothing but the best for Rugs. I want him to be happy forever.

Jack - gifts gifts gifts!!!!! Jack is also another good boy who deserves lots of presents.

Azul - coal for the capitalist tako (but he also gets a smooch from me).

Jade - coal (and I'm also deboning him).

Floyd - GIFTS FOR FLOYB!!!!!!!!! (*¯ ³¯*)♡

Kalim - gifts gifts gifts GIFTS!!!! :D

Jamil - gifts!!!! He has done no wrong (and I was not hypnotized to say that)!!! <3

Vil - gifts!!! Vil is so !!!!!!!!!! WAAAAA I LOVE HIM,,, he will get many gifts. In fact, I am covering Pomefiore in mistletoe so that we can get stuck under one by pure (calculated) chance hehe!!

Rook - coal.

Epel - gifts!!! Epel is wonderful and I think he deserves gifts!!!

Idia - coal. >_< (plot twist: I am his gift.)

Ortho - gifts!!!! :D Ortho is so precious. He will always get gifts. No coal for him.

Malleus - coal. >:( and it's because he made me into a simp for him. (just kidding hehe!!! I could never do that to Mal; not when he gives us such a cute holiday card..... :O)

Silver - gifts!! Silver is another good boy. Very sweet and lovely.

Sebek - coal. >:(

Lilia - coal, but this is only because his cookies for Santa would likely kill Santa. T_T

Neige - gifts!!!! Not only for Neige, but for the dwarfs as well!! I hope they all have the most merry Christmas.

Che'nya - gifts for our beloved Artemiy Artemiyevich Pinker. :3c

Rollo - he may be getting coal, but I will be his gift instead. I love him and am unabashedly biased in this love LOL. Therefore, he receives many gifts. <3

Fellow - I would give him coal, but I like Fellow too much to subject him to such a cruel fate... :< he will have gifts!!!!

Gidel - gifts!!!!!!! So many gifts for Gidel!!! He is a sweetheart who deserves to have happiest Christmas with lots of presents.

[dewdewick]

Shadows in the dust |

Chapter 6

Pairing/s: Finnick Odair x fem reader

Summary: At the age of 18 you thought you’d soon be free of the hunger games, unfortunately fate has a different plan. You are picked as a tribute for district 2 and thrust into capitol life.

Warning/s: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Trust issues, Death, Torture, Mental illnesses, manipulation tactics, Weapons, Swearing, Canon typical violence, Mentions of psychological distress, Use of Y/N, Fem reader, descriptions of clothing reader wears, explicit descriptions of weapon use

A/N: I’m back! The chapter is short but only because the next one is gonna be LONGGG. As always Thank you to the Betas, I owe you my firstborn child.

Word count: 2K

*******************************************************

Fire caught wood, sending sparks up into the air like fireflies. Y/N sat back as the fire began to grow, looking at the young boy next to her with a guilt in her eyes. “What are you doing there honey?” She asked, watching him pick at the fish they had caught. Caspian blinked quickly, regaining focus as he had been lost in thought. “Finishing Scaling the fish so we can cook it” he said simply, a questioning look at her as if his answer was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh I’ve never really done much fishing, District 2 isn’t actually much different from the arena.” She said, still watching him work “do you think you could teach me?” She asked after a moment of silence. “I’ll show you how to make herbal medicine for pain relief,” she offered. He furrowed his brow before nodding, “yeah ok that sounds like a good trade, my legs hurt pretty bad anyway.” He mentioned, motioning to the bite marks on his calves and thighs.

She perked up a bit, grabbing the tortoise shell and retrieving the small tin of salve “I actually have something for that!” She said with a small smile. unscrewing the lid on the tin and putting a bit of the medicine on each bite mark. She knew he was still upset about Meena, but hopefully a small kindness could help ease the tension a bit. As she finished she looked into the tin, realizing she didn’t have enough salve for her own leg ;she scrunched her nose but simply screwed the lid back on and set it down. They sat silently for a few seconds before he spoke “Finch said you were kind.” He said simply and quietly. She looked up from the tin and finally meet his eyes. “I try my best,” she replied, a tired smile on her face. He averted his eyes from her gaze again, looking down to the knife in his hand. He took the fish and turned to face her better, placing the knife right below the gills. “Watch carefully” he said, slicing into the fish.

He carefully removed the head and tail of the fish, pulling out the spine. He used the knife to scrape out the guts of the fish, pouring a bit of water on the meat to clear out any blood. Afterwards he expertly pulled out most of the small bones that remained, laying out the prepared filets. “That simple, might still have a few little bones but it’s the quickest and easiest way.” He explained. “Seems easy enough but I might need a few more lessons.” She said with a small laugh “I got about a third of that, plus to be honest I’m not sure I know where to cut quite yet.” She smiled. He smiled as well, grabbing another fish and starting to scale the skin. “How about I show you again tonight and then we can have more hands-on learning when it’s light outside in the morning?” He asked, “Good idea, because I can’t teach you anything until tomorrow when it’s light enough anyway.” She replied in a bit of a relieved tone.

He made quick work of the fish as they spoke, gutting and deboning it with skill and accuracy. The two squired the meat on sharpened sticks, holding them over the fire to cook. “How old are you anyway?” Caspian asked, raking a hand through his curly blonde locks. She sighed, a bit of a grimace on her face “turned 18 a couple months ago, it was my last year.��� She said, pursing her lips. “Ouch rough business” he said, sucking in a breath through his teeth. “Yeah it’s fine, not happy about it but I’m here so…” she shrugged, twirling her stick.

“Finch told us all about you, he’s been whining about it since the beginning. Apparently you’re pretty, thoughtful, kind and smart.” He teased. She wrinkled her nose and giggled, “you little jerk” she smiled “Maybe I am all of that” He only shook his head with the same smug smile “nah you seemed much better in the stories.” He further teased. “Oh I’ll show you punk” she smiled wider, “I’m totally awesome and super cool” she giggled.

He let out a boyish laugh, his sun kissed cheeks crinkling with the small dimples upon them. She twirled the stick squired with fish, a soft smile on her face. Watching the flames barely touch the meat, her mouth watered a bit. “When’s it done anyway? How do we know?” She asked, her attention fixed on the dancing flames. He shook his head with the same smile, “it’s done when it’s not that pink color anymore, then you gotta wait so you don’t burn your mouth.” He stated, once again, quaking an eyebrow like it was obvious.

“Well excuse me for not wanting food poisoning smarty pants” she quipped, once again scrunching her nose up in an upside down smile. “Maybe I’m kinda dumb when it comes to district 4 stuff but I’m pretty smart at district 2 stuff. I can kill a snake and I can get the venom from a scorpion pretty easily.” She grinned proudly. His eyes widened a bit and he inched a bit closer to her “wait really? That’s actually kinda cool” he nodded, waiting for her to say more.

“A few of the more affluent women in my district used to like to wear rattlesnake tails as jewelry. My siblings and I would catch them when we could and sell the tails to the jeweler in town. They threatened our cattle and set up burrows in the tall grass where they ate.” She explained. “And the scorpion venom was something I could sell too, it has a lot of uses both as a poison and a medicinal remedy.”

“You gotta show me how to do that, I can coat my spear in it!” Caspian said, his eyes full of excitement. “I dunno, I thought I wasn’t cool enough” she said with a smirk, her brow raising just as he had before. “I was kidding!” He whined, his shoulders dropping slightly.

She only laughed in response, ruffling his hair. “I’m kidding, you pretty much fed me tonight so of course I’ll help you.” She grinned.

He pulled his stick out of the fire and looked over the meat “speaking of food, it looks pretty much done” he commented, blowing on the filet. She pulled her stick towards her, examining it closely and poking her finger into the meat. She pulled back quickly, the food much too hot to even touch. The two sat in silence for a few minutes, blowing on their hot dinner and mentally willing it to cool off. After a while the meal was finally cool enough, the two teens eating their portions within minutes. It was a bit of a chewy meat but delicious nonetheless. After not eating for a while she felt she would’ve devoured anything at that moment. After they ate the wind began to slowly pick up, blowing stronger and stronger as the fire died out.

Caspian shivered as he backed into the cornucopia, curling up in a corner with his weapon in hand. Y/N did the same before looking over at the younger boy “sweetheart why don’t you come over here? It’ll be warmer together.” She suggested, offering a hand. He scrunched up his face as he thought for a moment before standing up and shuffling over to her. They sat shoulder to shoulder for a moment silently before she cracked a smile. “Can I put my arm around you? Promise it'll be warmer” she asked.

His blonde curls blew in the wind as he nodded, tucking his shoulder under her arm and smushing his cheek against her clavicle. She shuffled even closer and wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin in his hair. He exhaled at the warmth, closing his eyes in exhaustion. It wasn’t long until he was in a semblance of sleep against her. He reminded her of one of strays that roamed her families property, wronged by the world but still so willing to take a gamble on love.

“Sleep good sweetheart” she whispered, her words lost in the strong roar of the wind. She let her cheek rest on top of his head, closing her eyes and exhaling. Exhaustion took over her body, putting her to sleep despite the loud whipping of the wind.

The sun rose after only a few hours, it’s warm rays shining on the two teens. Y/n blinked her eyes to wake up, the gravely feeling of dust urging them to remain closed. Caspians wavy blonde lacks tickled her nose as he laid snuggled against her chest. She gently brought a hand up, petting his hair absentmindedly with a soft smile. “Time to wake up sunshine” she whispered, her hand traveling to rub his back.

The young boy mumbled a few unintelligible words, his bleary eyes squinting up at her as she grinned. “Good morning” she muttered, sweeping a lock of hair out of his eyes. He sat up tiredly, stretching and hunching over a bit “m’ exhausted” he yawned. “I know the feeling” she said, taking her jacket off and balling it up. She set it on his lap as she stood “why don’t you take a bit longer of a nap honey? I’ll look around for some breakfast.” She offered. He nodded slowly, putting her jacket under his head and curling into himself a bit on the ground.

She silently laughed to herself, looking out into the arena. She decided to forage a bit, try to see what she could find in an obviously more popular area of the arena. She wondered if the game makers had purposely put more food around for the careers or not.

The sun was hot on her back as she looked around the shining gold cornucopia, finding a few familiar sprouts of greenery. She couldn’t help but also track a few marks in the dust, it was obvious a lizard of some sort was roaming around.

Finding a small hole she stomped on it, sending a medium sized lizard fleeing. She quickly used the pitchfork she carried to stab the animal in the back. It let out a sharp cry as it quickly died and she winced. Picking up the scaled animal and setting it atop the foliage she had collected, she began to make her way around the cornucopia again. The sun was higher in the sky and she figured it must’ve only been about an hour.

Turning the corner she saw it, the sword plunged into the dirt,

She looked up from the weapon, her eyes meeting familiar brown irises.

Finch.

[loveofmyknife]

Live Blogging the Burrow’s end finale but it’s all in one post because I can’t be bothered to reblog the same post 10 times. So like… pre-recorded blogging I guess

Spoilers. Obviously.

- loving the finale outfits! Especially the caution tape accessories!

- hey girl hey! Poor Teedles is taking all of this very well and we love them for it. I too would rather face possible death than have to babysit my boss’s children

- someone really should go check on Simon

- love how Tula is advocating for a nonviolent solution and ends it with “and we should definitely track down and murder Phoebe”. It’s nonviolent except for one specific person (being?)

- Lucas is just doing his best as a congested little boy. Somebody get him some mint! (Bint)

- “oh, mommy has so much bloodlust!” is an excellent line

- again, Brennan is unhinged, and also maybe wearing pink lipstick, which I think adds to the vibe

- Thorn being concerned for Dr Steel is so indicative of his character. He just wants to protect his people, and even though they’ve only known this human for a few hours, she is one of his people

- I DID NOT KNOW HE COULD DO THAT

- love a good title drop, but this plan seems very hastily put together. I am concerned

- persuasion- “-OR ELSE!” … ok intimidation

- gasoline lasts for however long is narratively relevant

- how many stoats does it take to drive a truck? Apparently at least 5

- I mean as far at Nat 1s go operating a gear shift as a rodent makes sense

- viola is holding this group together by sheer force of will

-oh fuck human magic!

- new map! New map!

- Oh fuck “human” NECROMANCY!

-kinda sad that Carlos isn’t playing Wennabocker on the board in some way but it obviously makes sense from a practical standpoint

- the minis!!! So cool!

-“grandma casts sounding” oh no…

- box of doom strikes again

- 40 points of damage is insane

- Lucas no! I love his little hat but no!

- hate when the BBEG rolls a Nat 20

- 69 hp…nice

- not Lucas!!

- oh Tula is never going to forgive herself for this and I have Thoughts about it

- Phoebe really is just a situation at this point

- That is exactly what a 12 year old would say when beating up an eldritch horror

- yeah I’d say hitting the ground really hard is a reckless attack, Ava

-109 damage! Jesus fucking Christ

- oh it’s some eugenics shit, okay

- Dr Steel coming to the rescue!

- I love using a bunch of skills and mechanics to get the desired outcome. Casting a spell, moving out of range of counterspell, and disengaging an opportunity attack all at the same time just to be able to fireball this meat suit

- I also would not recommend hitting a nuclear reactor with fire

- “no that’s okay” was such a power move

- “I DEBONE THAT MOTHERFUCKER” yes you do, and somehow that invents cooking! I love it

- Nat 20! “THATS! MY! WIFE!!!” Viola has taken out 4 giants in a single round. She is a badass. She is a warrior. She is my hero.

- oh yeah, Dr Steel was just standing there for all that

- We may be experiencing a tragedy but at least they’ve also invented ice cream

- LUCAS NO!

- ok yeah i might be sobbing a little, what of it?

- I like that Ava can have a little magic as a treat

- I personally welcome our new stoat overlords

- babies!

-Get it, Tula! But seriously I like that she really got to process life without being just a widow and a mother before moving on

-baby’s first word: viscera. This is cannon

-Ava’s doing great, and her life is in her own hands. She’s completely overhauling the local law enforcement and creating triple A

- Dr Lila! She’s a nuclear physicist now!

- Did not expect Jaysohn to go for an Airbud plot line but I’m not mad at it

Closing thoughts: I loved it! I think the ending was pretty abrupt but taking out the BBEG in like 2 rounds will do that so I can’t fault them for it. I would have loved for at least one of the party to take over Education, and I think Tula was kind of set up for it but I’m glad she gets to just enjoy life now instead. I can’t wait to see tomorrow’s Adventuring Party and I’m super excited about next season!

[hotcheetohatredwastaken]

Forget the reblog… I’ll be your cheerleader! I never did cheer in school but uhh Go Cheeto! Write write write! *sends motivation your way*

In other news, imma pick your brain. :3c

Other than Wild, who can cook decently well and why?

I TOLD MYSELF I COULDN'T RESPOND TO THIS LOVELY ASK UNTIL I FINISHED MY CHAPTER AND I DID, SO THANK YOU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Anyways, I honestly think that most of the boys can cook *decently* when it comes down to it. They've survived for months or even years by themselves on the road, they know how to fend for themselves. I just believe that Wild gets the rep as best cook because he has access to fresh items and experiments with spices/methods a lot more than the others would have time to.

Anyways, as to who else can cook!

I think that Wind is a good enough of a cook. He stands in the kitchen and his Meemaw tells him what to cut and stir and whatnot. I think he would be good at helping Wild with the cooking. He probably learned some stuff just by watching others do it.

Twilight. I think Twilight can grill some meat and debone/prepare fish at least decently, and I think he knows how to grill vegetables to make them taste good.

Sky. I think Sky is good at making hot chocolate. No I don't know why I have this headcannon. But I do.

I think Four is actually better than he seems--Vio has just made the executive decision to not reveal that they're a good cook so that they don't get burdened with making all of the Chain's meals. But yeah, when he's at home he makes full course meals for himself and his fam.

I think Legend is one of the more decent cooks too. Especially with how diverse his travels have been, I feel he's picked some stuff up. And I doubt he could burn water like some of those listed below.

Who's horrible?

Hyrule, no explanation needed, his world sucks. Also he sucks at flavor profiles XD

Time, first he lived in a forest of immortal children and then his wife cooked for him, he never really picked up the skill.

Warrior, I think he's always had others make food for him (espeically in the army) so he also never really learned

[fuckkbrunch]

Part one:

I suck so bad at making pie dough. I purposely avoid it most of the time. I've never tried this food processor method before, but I know chefs use it, so I had high hopes.

Cold butter cubes, ice water, and a flour mix with salt and baking soda. Dump it all together and blitz until its crumby looking.

Dump it out and smoosh it all together. Then let it rest while you move on to the next part.

I've been holding on to this one for a while. Perfect fall or winter dish, so I kept it for close to last.

Poach the thighs in stock. They're still pretty underdone after poaching, so be prepared for that smell of half cooked chicken while you're deboning them.

While the chicken does it's thing, do all that dicing. I'm so proud of my knife skills on this one. For real. Everything was perfect.

Let's make yet another bechamel! Tony was so old. Seriously.

Oh yeah, this bad boy is fucking huge, by the way. I would not advise tasting this before it bakes, since the chicken is pretty undercooked still.

Forgot to get a picture of the pastry rolling (which I did with a glass jar). Bake for a while, and bam.

She ain't purdy. But she'll do. Smells fantastic.

Perf. Exactly what you want when you hear chicken pot pie.

| Savory Pastry Dough & Chicken Pot Pie |

Taste is a 4 out of 5. Missing a little bit of salt, but otherwise fantastic.

Difficulty is a 4 out of 5. Lots involved in this one, but worth it.

Time was around 3 hours. Takes a bit.

The dough didn't seem to be the best texture when I was rolling it out, but it turned out very buttery. Could've been flakier, but flavour is a bigger deal in my opinion.

I thought this was too loose and watery at first, but the next couple days it was the best texture as leftovers. Not going to lie though, since doing this one I've been craaaaaving chicken and dumplings. Chicken pot pie can never beat chicken and dumplings.

[posttexasstressdisorder]

"The best revenge..."

...is living and eating WELL while (and in spite of) living in poverty.

I actually had the gumption to try and have a cafe 30 or so years ago, and I live with a guy who had his own bakery: a Danish-trained Chef currently working as a Sous Chef at a big hotel in The City, and his 21 yr old son (who has literally been an assistant sous chef to his dad his whole life).

We're all barely afloat, his son is looking for his first real job-job "out there", and getting discouraged. Y'all hear regularly about my poverty status, and my roomie chef is doin' as much as he can, and we're all three freakin' broke.

Fuck it. We may be broke, but we are are gonna Eat as best we can with what we got. So to the current example.

Yes, I know how to cook Mexican Food like any native ex-south-texan worth his salt and lime. Yes I learned how mama/grandma did it, either mine or someone else's.

Roomie and I are carnivores, son is veg. We all agree that Mexican Food is good, so I'm always looking for how to spend my "old-fuck-on-food-stamps EBT the best way.

Behold, Example 1: 20 lb. bag of dried pinto beans.

20 lbs for $17. And lookee there: it's Fiesta, no stranger to this former Austinite. And anyone who knows knows that this boy knows how to make a pot o'pintos, with/without carnivorousness. Keep 'em on the stove long enough you got Refrieds.

Somebody at Groce-Out is from Texas, gotta be: They have Velveeta and Rotel (for QUESO!) at near-normal prices! I laughed today. Velveeta was 6.99 at Groce-Out, and I shit you not, $14.95 at Lucky.

Got that along with a couple 2-lb bags of their "Hollis Street" whole bean French Roast (Dark) for $11.95 ea. This is surprisingly good coffee beanage, freshly roasted right up the road in Emeryville, evidently. So good coffee for cheap. A similar brand at the 'non discount' grocery store I go to is $21 for a 2lb bag.

While they aren't the winner in the coffee bean competition, Lucky (the non-discount store) is great for meat, especially mid-week, when they have lots of specials. Their "megapaks" of chicken thighs (10/pkg) were buy one get one free. So for ten bucks, I got 20 thighs (over 7lbs), which, when roasted with lots of salt and pepper, and cooled and shredded and deboned become something like 4 pounds of Chicken Enchilada Meat. For ten bucks.

Tomorrow I go to another discount store closeby roomie told me about that has the best commercial Hatch Chile in a jar I have ever found. Tastes like mine, when we would get a case at a time at Central Market, get 'em roasted in the parking lot, and take 'em home and shuck most of the the skins/seeds, and saute onion and garlic and add. In. A. Fucking. Jar.

So you see where this is heading.

We will be having a TexMex Enchilada/taco Feast that can be repeated at will until we've eaten/given enough away. Freezer. Vacuum sealer. Oooooooom.

And yeah, we got the dessert thing covered. I buy flour, the three sugars, butter, real cream, good organic milk, good brown eggs. I bake everything from fucking scratch. I buy berries and grapes as my main fruit. I don't buy a lot of processed ANYTHING. I buy ingredients. And bread/tortillas, obvs. And I'm happy I have the "card" that gives me my eeked-out apportionment of "food funds".

So that old adage of "The Best Revenge" being "living well" means we may be fucking poor, but goddammit, we are gonna Eat, with a capital E if I have anything to say about it.

All three of us are pretty much clinging to the same leaky life-raft, this accursed but oh-so-necessary apartment, not much overlap in our lives/diets/schedules, but every once in awhile I get to go back into "restaurant mode" and do up a Massive Feed. Share with the neighbors and stock the freezer.

And a pot of beans on the stove in perpetuity.

[purplebirdsees]

Warm-up 1: Whatever - Part 1

Hello! I am Citron! Yes, again!

Remember my notes? If yes, good job! If no, why?

Thanks!

(citronslation: basically, this is kind of an excerpt of this piece of fiction, written by my boy tsuzuru. you don’t need to read it to understand this one but pls do bc quality of life u get me yeah. ok. thanks.)

(footnotes were not made by tsuzuru, unless stated otherwise) (theyre mostly itaru)

Children, without exaggeration, are horrible beings.1

It’s always those kids you just stumble on, maybe in a convenience store, or in an absurdly long line from the cash register, or even during church, especially during Sunday Church (my parents aren’t Catholic, but my grandparents father’s side is). As soon as I step foot on the Church’s white and gold tiled floor, my immediate response is to look around on every single pew for someone who may look like my age. I’d feel relief if they were sitting out of sight, but if they weren’t.… Well, usually, I’d try to avoid eye contact as much as I can, but whenever I accidentally glance at them, they’d always have that smug look, with the straightest posture, and the loudest, most obnoxious singing. Sometimes, when they’re near enough for me to hear, I’d catch a few words they’d whisper loudly to their parent. Usually, it would be along the lines of, ‘We’re going to (insert fast food chain name here) after this, right?’ like it added to this nonexistent leader board on who is the best kid in Church.2

I could go on and on about my horrible Church experiences, but somehow, none of those were the ones that struck a nerve more than that one time in a bookstore.

It was a week before classes started, and as much as my parents wanted to scrounge as much of last year’s school materials, the pens and notebooks either had only a sliver left of its use or was completely depleted. Mom had to double check it though, as she gathered all we had in a cardboard box. After her third inspection, she said she could debone the frayed used notebooks to separate as much of the blank papers to make new notebooks. Which was the reason why she decided that dad was the one who should do the shopping instead, which in the end he did do, but we had to try to convince her that the old and used were completely unusable and should be left to retire. After a few prying and pleading, we were able to sell the whole box to the waste courier.

I was appointed to go with dad to the bookstore; the others had to help mom with the kitchen… and to make sure she won’t chase the waste courier and end up blending up all the notebooks into a pulp to make new paper.

She did this before, but her faux notebooks were extremely unusable because the paper was too thick, and for some reason, felt a little wet and made the ink bleed into the pages. During the first week of classes, my school bag smelled of wet dog, and every time I had to take down notes, I wish I didn’t. The moldy smell would make my seatmates turn their heads away from my direction. Even the resident class clown once remarked how ugly the cover of my notebook was, saying it looked like his grandmother’s post-chicken pox skin, puss and all. One afternoon, just as I was about to arrive home after school, I remember passing by Tadoru and Meguru sitting by the riverside, their backs hiding their guilt ridden yet determined faces. At that point I knew, and the absence of the wet, moldy dog fur smell was enough evidence.

Like an unspoken vow, we made sure we never, under any circumstance, let mom DIY anything. 3

-----

1 Understatement. They’re dickheads, actual hellspawn. I have never met a kid who was genuinely kind, they ALWAYS have an agenda at the back of their pea-sized brains. I’m qualified to say this because I’ve been a tutor example? Sure, but im tired so no (actuallly I don’t have to prove myself you literally juST READ A PRIME EXAMPLE WHY)

2 When they say yes, ding-ding-ding! Wow! His parents ACTUALLY love him enough to buy him food! As if that isn’t the lowest bar, bare minimum a parent should do f[word redacted due to profanity] mot[word redacted due to profanity] why don’t I f[words redacted due to vulgar language] mom then once im your step dad ill kick[words redacted due to vulgar language] space until yo[words redacted due to vulgar language]eath

3 [tsz] wording feels awkward/weird

part 2

[kinomiya]

ok ok, i’ll bite I guess.

“Threatening to harm my son, won’t get my attention,” Judy spoke monotonously, her voice reverberating on the empty concrete walls of the old, dilapidated warehouse.

The words were met with silence, until the tall woman on the other side of the room elicited a bitter laugh.

“Then why are you here?” She questioned, fisting her left hand into the messy blond locks of the young boy kneeling in front of her, tugging backwards to allow Judy to see the unobscured face of her only son in the dimly lit building.

“Well you see, Dr. Kierzkowski. My husband Taro, you’ve met him before right? Our son is his pride and joy, and he’d be devastated if something were to happen, he’d never forgive me if something were to happen.” Her voice was nonchalant as she walked towards the other woman at a steady pace. Unphased when she moved the hand brandishing a small knife up to Max’s cheek. 

Judy saw the fear in her son's eyes, but despite it he remained silent and completely still. That would certainly make this easier, she supposed.

“Stop moving,” Dr. Kierzkowski hissed. She didn’t.

Judy only came to a stop when her side brushed against Max’s kneeling body, close enough to invade the space of the woman who was holding him captive.

“Why are you sending me such mixed messages, Bianka?” Judy questioned with a mocking tone, “you abduct my son and beckon me here, and now you’re telling me to stay away from you?” She let out a breathy chuckle, her fingers caressing down the woman’s arm, ghosting across her whitened knuckles.

Judy considered to caress Bianka’s hand, silently coercing her to relinquish the blade in her hand. She watched Bianka’s eyes flutter closed as she slipped the handle of the knife from her hand. 

And in one smooth motion Judy plunged the knife into the soft flesh above Bianka’s clavicle, pushing her backwards by the blade away from her son. It shouldn’t kill her, she considered as the woman stumbled backwards, losing her footing and falling to the floor. She heard Max take off in a sprint to the exit, he knew better than to wait for instructions.

Judy stood in silence, staring down at Bianka with a look of ambivalence until she heard the footsteps fade away and the exit door slam, rattling the building.

Only when they were alone did the look morph into one of utter disdain as she kneeled down towards the woman on the floor.

“I don’t care who you are, or what we used to be,” Judy said in a barely audible whisper, her warm breath made Bianka’s ear tingle as she continued:

“If you try that a second time, I’ll debone every part of you myself and feed the pieces to my lab animals. Understood?”

Bianka looked down at the small knife embedded in her neck, her blood oozed from the wound slowly, staining her cream coloured blouse. Her lips turned upward into a sneer and she suppressed laughter as she questioned the woman kneeling beside her:

“Are you sure I don't have your attention, Dr. Mizuhara?”

BAKUTEN FD, PLEASE, LISTEN.

them. as a ship. 🥺

[zhongrin]

hold you close to my heart

◇ characters ◇ zhongli, childe, xiao, al haitham, thoma, scaramouche

◇ tags ◇ modern!au, gn!reader, fluff, headcanon format

◇ a/n ◇ zhongli is ngl acting like an asian mom in this and i am not sorry. i need him in my life bc i hate fishbone (the number of times i've had a fishbone stuck in my throat- you don't want to know. let's just say pressing down my gag reflex is one of my talents now) and peeling shrimps.

𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ⬙ 𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

tries to be as quiet as possible as he shuffles around the house while you’re asleep.

peels fruits for you.

will care for your hair for you (brushes / applies oil / braids)

debones any sort of meat-with-bone/shell dishes, including fishes and crustaceans for you (this might be the ultimate expression of zhongli’s love considering how much he hates the smell of seafood).

will not hesitate to spoonfeed you when your hands are occupied or if you’re forgetting to eat.

“zhongli do you know where did i put my shawl-” “second drawer, right side.” “and my dragon-printed socks-” “-is in the sock box on the third drawer, you probably missed it.”

will threaten people who wronged you with a sandal in his hands “i will have order!”

headpat machine - you want headpats? you’re getting headpats. you don’t want headpats? you’re getting a kiss on top of your head…… and a headpat <3

will fall into the habit of carrying tissues and hair ties and the everyday essential items which you often use.

slips his credit card into your wallet before you go out.

keeps your fridge stocked with groceries and pantry full of your favorite snacks (either by doing the shopping himself or getting them delivered to your doorstep when he can’t be around)

lets you pet the dogs you encounter on your walks first. also alerts you when there’s a cute dog in sight.

owns a special phone with the best camera in the market, just for the sake of taking your selfies.

headpat machine 2.0 - you don't want headpats? too bad you’re getting one! you want headpats? beg for it first, darling <3

buys you matching accessories. wears them everywhere and every time he’s out.

always walks on the side closer to the road. also holds your hand when crossing the street (and pretends he 'forgot' to release it afterward)

always lingers around you in social settings. not just because of his social anxiety, but also just in case you need something, he wants to be there to help.

lets you pat his head (and enjoys it immensely), but will murder-glare any other person who tries to do so (read: venti, heizou).

is only able to fall asleep in either of these conditions: 1) he is completely alone, or 2) he’s not alone but you’re with him.

piles up pillows and blankets and plushies on your (or his) bed as a silent invitation to cuddle. you tease him by saying “are you inviting me to your nest, little bird?” and he blushes every single time. it’s very adorable. please give this boy his cuddles.

corrects the typos in your papers for you. crosschecks your citations and adds comments detailing how you should add or remove certain things. he accepts payments in kisses. or super spicy curry. he’s not picky, really.

will dust your bookshelves for you (is it because he loves you or because he loves books? ….. don’t ask).

will wordlessly lift you up to cross a big puddle on the road. you only get to be bridal-carried if you're lucky. otherwise, you're getting the sack of potatoes' treatment because he's a bastard.

tells you that you have x minutes left to do certain tasks. yes, he has your schedules memorized. yes, he will flick your forehead if you keep whining and procrastinating.

will gently pull your head to settle on his shoulder when you fall asleep on the bus.

“did you cut your hair? it’s five centimeters shorter.” “you trimmed your eyebrows?” “your lips look pale today. have you eaten lunch?”

cooks and cleans for you. his payment? your awed smile. if you tip him with kisses he’ll be over the moon.

sends you daily cute animal videos. mostly dogs. or cats. or him being silly with his adorable doggie taroumaru.

will mess up on purpose just to make you laugh on your bad days.

buys everything in twos because he always, always wants to share it with you.

squishes his cheek onto yours and nuzzles you to show affection. you think you see dog ears and dog tails whenever he does this, but it's just a trick of the light... right??

refrains from drinking at parties just so that when you do, he can take care of you properly and get you back home safely.

denies your kisses in public but pulls you for a kiss every five minutes behind closed doors.

links his pinky with you when walking together (but on his bad days, he would really appreciate it when you link your arms with him).

looks so scandalized when you flinch from his touch - because somehow he’s a superconductor and most of the time you feel zapped just from touching him. just tough it out and hug him if you don’t want to deal with sulky!mouchie.

will not hesitate to try and claw people’s eyes out when they made you upset.

fills up your water bottle for you.

uses the same laundry detergent / perfume as yours. claims that he does it so you “won’t complain about how your clothes smell weird” when you stay over. he just wants his clothes to smell more like you so he can pretend you’re hugging him when he misses you.

© zhongrin | 2022 ◆ no repost. reblogs much appreciated. feel free to reach out to submit suggestions, feedback, comments, or if you just want to talk!

◇ taglist ◇ @thestarsofenkanomiya | @genshinparty | @abyssmal-skies | @hamdehlesmis | @depressivecomforts | @sophiethewitch1 | @why-am-i-here-someone-save-me | @sunnshineflxwer | @heartonthemoon | @yuutasbabe | @percyval-archives | @carbs-need-more-love | @rebeccka | @queen-belial | @stygianoir | @niverine | @silentmoths | @niktwazny303 | @dustofthedailylife | @herdrops | @clovcly | @marina-and-the-memes | @angryhope | @mixed-kester | @shuangxo | @fiannee | @lordbugs

[soongyeopsal]

Croquembouche

Summary: It’s: wet the drys, then dry the wets! How are you and Taehyung not speaking the same language when food is universal? And which language do you need to speak for a passing grade on a partnered project? ▸ Pairing: Taehyung x F!reader ▸ Rating / Genre / AU: 18+ / smut, humor, microscopic angst, E2L / culinaryschool!au ▸ Warnings: sitophilia (food fetish, sploshing), anal (m!receiving just a lil), oral (m!receiving) unprotected sex, rimming (also a lil, f!receiving), fingering, creampie ▸ Word Count: 6.1k ▸ A/N: It’s here at long last! Part of the @btshoneyhive college enemies 101 event! This concept went from a stupid joke in my brain to well....see below. MASSIVE thank you to Beezy for being my beta here! I was deliriously sleepy writing parts of this and boy did the draft show it. I hope you all enjoy! Let me know what you think (#wankandtell). :)

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵　　‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Growing up as a butcher’s only daughter meant evenings, holidays, and summers working with him behind the meat counter. When you get older, it also means weekends learning the craft itself. It doesn’t take long at all for you to cross the threshold between competent and talented with a knife – you’re a natural, your father says. Butchering is hard, yet ou always find yourself back in the kitchen in your free time: chopping, clipping, cooking – every day for years. Your imagination only grows with your skills and you go from following recipes to making your own. Maybe you aren’t a prodigy, but you’re damn good for your age. So when the time finally comes to explore the world’s offerings after high school, you apply for your city’s most competitive 3-year culinary program (to no one’s surprise).

It’s a surprise to everyone in your cohort that you’re actually accepted. Experience means everything at your school and you’re one of the rare attendees with none. Absolutely no one is enthused to make your acquaintance after learning that your experience is “just with meat” (not your words) and you’ve never cooked on the line in a commercial or professional kitchen. The way your classmates ice you out stings, but not enough to deter you from continuing on. You’ll have plenty of time to make friends in the culinary world later, you figure. For now, you’re content with being somewhat of a loner on campus.

If you’re at the bottom of your class totem pole, then Taehyung Kim is at the top. The son of a successful restaurateur and food critic power couple, he’s had access to some of the greatest kitchens in the world by way of money and networking. Looking at his pedigree alone, it’s easy to assume he’s here purely due to nepotism. However, just a few short weeks into the curriculum, he establishes himself as a serious and formidable force in the kitchen. Taehyung’s got a sharp palette and an even sharper eye for detail that makes every dish he creates near-perfect. His talent, background, and looks (wow) swiftly earn him the reputation of being the crowned prince of your program.

You and Taehyung are both aware of each other, but your worlds couldn’t be further apart. At least, that’s what you think until halfway through your first semester. One day, your class is tasked with deboning and fileting an absolutely massive fish. The room is quiet when your professor begins their stopwatch, everyone focused on running their knives through each layer of the animal carefully. You’re the first to finish at about 7 minutes in and your teacher lays loud compliments on your work as if they’ve just seen a convincing magic act. 

Content with just getting through without making any mistakes, you quietly thank them and wait at your station, glancing at your peers’ progress passively. It’s then that you and Taehyung lock eyes. He’s bent awkwardly over his block, clearly to find the perfect angle before he glides his knife under the skin. Instead of focusing on that, though, he’s looking at you with – intrigue? Pride, maybe? It’s a brief moment that feels like forever to you before he snaps back to the task at hand and becomes the second person to complete the assignment.

The class ends an hour later without anything particularly interesting happening. It’s what happens after that’s noteworthy: Taehyung asks you out on a date. You say yes.

That weekend, the two of you go out to eat. Despite the air of prestige that shrouds Taehyung, he takes you to a local, moderately priced restaurant. Though the establishment lacks extravagance, it does have an 8 page menu to make up for it. You take the sheer amount of options as a warning of poor quality (better to be very good at a few things than mediocre at many things), but Taehyung insists that every option here is good, clarifying that he’s been eating here nearly daily for weeks.

With that in mind, you don’t really give much thought to the fact that he’s decided on his own meal after just a minute or so, while you need a solid ten just go review everything on the menu. Once you place your orders, the two of you converse easily. You swap stories and find that Taehyung isn’t just “into food” – he cares deeply about how ingredients are sourced and combined. So much so that he’d considered becoming a food scientist rather than a chef. In turn, he learns that you’re not just “that girl with no kitchen knowledge”, but someone who was raised to have a deep respect for food in all its forms. Butchering isn’t just about knife work. It’s about knowing where each animal comes from and how each part of them can be transformed so that nothing is wasted. Taehyung admires your passion, tells you it’s just as beautiful as your eyes. It’s a tired line, but you’re willing to overlook the offense in favor of enjoying the eye candy and a free meal.

Taehyung is such a charmer that you have to imagine punching him in the dick to keep your mind from wandering to the much more scandalous idea of blowing him under the table. Luckily (?) for you, your food arrives and gives you something new to talk about. Taehyung “kept it simple” today: he ordered steak and fries. When the server places his plate down, however, the man across from you scowls. 

“What is this?” he spits. “I didn’t ask for this.” He’s been served the steak with corn instead and seems….angry? Disproportionately so. Rather than waiting for an apology or explanation, he places the plate back into the server’s hands as if it’s covered in shit. “I asked for french fries. Do it again.”

The server apologizes anyway and heads back to the kitchen, muttering what sounds a lot like “prick” under their breath. 

You chuckle uncomfortably at the change in atmosphere. “Chef back there must be having a day, huh?” 

Taehyung’s tongue pokes the inside of his cheek before he speaks as if he’s actively reminding himself not to blow a gasket. “I just really don’t like corn.”

“Really?” This, you find genuinely surprising. “Why? I’d assumed–”

“It’s gross,” he seethes. “Looks like rotten baby teeth.”

The next image your mind conjures up – an infant with corn sprouting from their gums – is certifiable nightmare fuel. At the moment, though, you can’t help the snort that comes out. The more you think about the stupid comparison, the funnier it gets and you have to work to suppress your laughter into a conspicuous snicker. “What are you smoking?”

Taehyung looks wounded, but he dilutes it with a dash of fury in his voice when he growls, “It’s not fucking funny.”

It hadn’t occurred to you that he could actually be serious about this. You’ve seen Taehyung present plenty of dishes using the humble ingredient and he always tastes tests before serving. It’s never been a problem as far as you can tell. Regardless, the way he can inject venom into his typically easygoing tone is off-putting and you show it in your face as you try to work out how someone like Taehyung can be so...particular.

“Sorry,” he self corrects, finally sensing that he might be making you uncomfortable. “I just… Food has to be done right, y’know? You can’t just slap nonsense onto a plate and say ‘voila’. Especially when that nonsense is nasty in the first place.”

Didn’t he say everything at this restaurant was good?

You’re curious as to what other weird quirks Taehyung has about food, but drop it for now, lest you incite your date’s peculiar wrath. When your server returns, they bring his proper meal along with yours. Taehyung continues on as if the mistake never even happened and you willfully ignore the disgusted frown he shoots at the small piece of grilled onion that falls from your burger when you take a bite. 

When the date ends and you get back into Taehyung’s car to return home, he offers you a jellybean from his stash in the glove compartment. He’d forgone dessert at the eatery, citing that he was working on pastry recipes later at home anyway. A little snack before then couldn’t hurt, though. You pop a jellybean into your mouth when he proposes and immediately gag. Buttered popcorn flavor. You reach back into the stash for another handful of candy, hoping to overpower the taste. They’re all buttered popcorn. Taehyung is clearly displeased with your reaction and his orange flags are starting to tinge just a bit red, but when he parks in front of your house you still end up giving him a blowjob in the backseat. (“Nobody’s perfect” is how you rationalize it, but did this date highlight more of his faults or yours?) This isn’t usually your favorite activity, but despite this weird diet, Taehyung’s cum doesn’t taste like battery acid, and that could be considered a once-in-a-lifetime experience. 

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵　　‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You and Taehyung aren’t together, per se, but everyone can guess that there’s something physical between you two. Taehyung compliments your cooking publicly and favors your dishes over others’ during peer reviews. The man is always coincidentally finding his way into one of the kitchens’ walk-in freezers shortly after you go to retrieve additional portions. You’d never let him do anything too vulgar on campus – you’d never contaminate the food – but makeouts and dry-humping sessions were a regular practice. The attention inspires you to make even bolder decisions in the kitchen and it makes your professors love you almost as much as Taehyung. 

Outside of class, you two spend the majority of your free time studying and eating. Or, more accurately, you eat and he delights/disturbs you with yet another bizarre food take (such as, “lobster is nasty because it’s just sea spider innards”) before angrily scarfing down what is typically the nutritional equivalent of a kid cuisine meal. 

In a way, it’s kind of cute. Taehyung can write a dissertation about all the ways to utilize mushrooms in cooking but can’t stand to eat them himself because he’s deemed them to be “earth tumors”. When he’s in front of a room full of chefs, he’s put-together, elegant. Willing to try anything in the pursuit of culinary genius. Then, when it’s time for a study session, he falls apart at the idea of eating soggy cereal. Sure, he gets testy even when you ask the tiniest questions without judgment, but it could be worse. In the grand scheme of things, Taehyung’s double-life between professional kitchens and his own is inconsequential.

Taehyung is supportive, brilliant, and after learning to sidestep certain conversations, effortlessly entertaining. By the end of your first year of schooling, you think you may be on the edge of being in love with him.

He makes sure it doesn’t progress beyond that.

With how close you’ve gotten, it’s not uncommon for you to drop by Taehyung’s condo unannounced. His parents purchased it for him but are never there. One summer night, the doorman of the building lets you in, recognizing you well at this point. When you get to his floor, you use the key under the doormat (“No one actually expects one to be there”, Taehyung assures) to let yourself inside. The foyer is vast, and the square footage is so large that he can’t hear the front door opening and closing behind you. Hurriedly, you kick off your shoes so you can sneak up on him. At this hour, you typically find Taehyung scribbling up recipe ideas in his notebook or sleeping on the couch while the tv watches him. 

You scurry down the gently lit hallway and peek around the corner, looking for his silhouette at the far end of the expansive living room. Instead, he’s much closer in the open kitchen that precedes it. He’s not cooking, not even standing up. You can only see the tips of his toes peeking out from behind the island in the center of the room. 

A low, drawn out groan floats to your ears as you creep forward, confused. What’s he doing? You tiptoe closer, and there’s more: a slow, uneven, pap pap pap that you can’t quite place. Taehyung’s hissing to himself incoherently beneath the noise, and it only perplexes you more.

Finally, you get just close enough to spy on him by craning your neck to see the floor on the other side of the island. Taehyung’s seated on folded knees, white frosting and crumbs smeared from his chest down to his groin. His hands fist into the sides of a battered yellow cake with his cock buried right into the center – or where the center should be. There’s barely any structure left to it; most of the confection has stuck to his length, squelching messily as he fucks into the sponge desperately. Having spent many nights beneath him already, you’re familiar with the pace he’s set; he only gets this frantic when he’s close to cumming. This still must not be enough, though, because he just drawls obscenities after a few more thrusts. 

You’re stand rooted in place, alarmed at why you can’t seem to look away from Taehyung’s sweaty form on the cool, wood flooring. When the cake has near nothing left to give, Taehyung slaps a handful of the wreckage into his mouth, teary eyes rolling back before fluttering shut. He hunches forward over his snack (?) and reaches a hand back to – oh my god – effortlessly work a bulbous, jewel-tipped plug in and out of his ass. His now-free hand reaches down to fist his swollen, sticky cock and pumps in almost rhythm with the plug. He doesn’t last long – a few hard tugs and a thumb across the tip of his cockhead has his voice up a full octave, gasping as his back goes ramrod straight through a long, hot orgasm.

It seems to go on forever, Taehyung’s entire body eventually rocking slowly as he empties himself onto what’s left of the cake that’s been pounded into the wood. When he’s truly finished, you let your lungs fill with oxygen you hadn’t noticed was missing as he slumps there, panting. Finally, when his breathing evens out, Taehyung opens his eyes, raising the fingers covered with cake and cum up to his mouth. The tip of his pink tongue darts out between funfetti and spit-covered lips to have a taste before they split into a satisfied, sinful grin.

You’re still wrapping your mind around what you witnessed, but the way you squeeze your legs together means your pussy is already interested in an encore. You must have made a sound because Taehyung suddenly snaps his gaze to you, wide-eyed with panic. He doesn’t give you a chance to ask questions or worse, criticize him. He hurriedly stands, hands feebly covering his spent cock while his face contorts with pained incensement. “Get out.” 

You stare back at him, dumbfounded and unsure what to do. Comfort him, maybe? But in classic Taehyung fashion, he snatches the opportunity to talk about it away when he raises his voice, making you flinch. There’s an undeniable tremble in his voice. “I said, get the fuck out!”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵　　‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You try texting and calling Taehyung in the days that follow, but by day 4, you’re certain he’s blocked your number. It takes every ounce of self-control not to just go see him at his home – ultimately you talk yourself out of it because if he hasn’t already changed the locks, he’ll certainly ream you if you walk in on him doing anything again.

Taehyung critiques you harshly now (though your professors always disagree) and receives your feedback icily. After your short break from school ends, he does his best to ignore you on campus. It’s nothing like the time before your first date; Taehyung simply looks through you, talks over you like you don’t even exist.

All you want is to talk to him and let him know that what you witnessed isn’t anything to be ashamed of. You want to tell him that you may, in fact, love him, kinks and all. 

Two months into the new semester, he’s fucked his way through nearly your entire cohort and it’s the last flag you need before realizing things are better this way. Clearly, he trusts you enough to keep his secret, but the camaraderie ends there.

Like all wounds, the sudden, unwanted shift in your dynamic gets more palatable over time. Eventually, you see Taehyung’s quirks for what they really are: character flaws. He’s petty, picky, and an insufferable prick. By the end of your second year of schooling, you’ve replaced your fond memories of him with an insatiable need to be better than him in every tangible way. There’s a chance you could have loved him once. Now? Defeating him where it matters most is much more enticing. ︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵　　‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“Pork schnitzel?”

“No.”

“Smoked trout?”

“Ugh.”

“Beef wellington?”

“Too heavy.”

You slam your pen down onto the table next to your notebook as Taehyung crosses his arms over his chest, decidedly looking at everything in the student lounge except you. 

“You can’t shoot everything down if you don’t have any ideas of your own, Taehyung.”

“My idea was the croquembouche, idiot.”

“It’s a three course meal, jackass.”

For the last hour, the two of you have been trying to agree on a menu for your final team project of the semester. You and Taehyung are the top two students in your program by a staggering margin now. In theory, this should be fun – or at least, easy. Instead, you’re just bickering as usual. Taehyung’s infuriating list of dislikes (and his now pointed dislike of you) makes him the worst possible partner when you’re given creative freedom.

If you had to say just one nice thing about him these days, it’s that he really does know how to kiss ass when it counts. Your professors favor you both, but Taehyung still always manages to snatch the gold medal from your hands despite your best efforts. “This is delicious, chef!” “I’d love to help with prep, chef!” “I don’t mind plating that for you, chef!” Coming from anyone else, the blatant brown-nosing would be shot down. But there’s no denying that he’s a damn good cook and that talent alone appears to be enough to excuse his….everything else.

Only one person in your cohort would get a recommendation from the school’s dean at the end of the program and that person was looking more and more like Taehyung with each passing day. With you being a close second, it’s no surprise that your head chef decided you’d be pairing up. Neither of you had the courage to say anything about it when the assignments were announced  – nobody wants to look unprofessional  – but now that you’re out of earshot, Taehyung seems to have committed to making you scream out of pure frustration. 

In this moment, you’d give anything to have just one person with influence learn that Taehyung is a freak asshole with shitty food opinions. 

“What, you can’t handle two courses by yourself?” he sneers when he finally does look you in the eye.

“Sounds like you just can’t handle cooking like an executive chef,” you shoot back. “Is that why all you’ve done today is go on about dessert? Need me to hold your hand through service?”

“I don’t want your help with the dessert, actually. Have you ever even tasted a croquembouche?” 

The mockery in his tone sends your blood pressure skyrocketing. “Sorry, my rich mommy and daddy couldn’t send me to France for fun. At least I can put together a menu when I’m not dealing with an absolute child.” 

Taehyung is unfazed by your words. It’s obvious he’s not even listening, just waiting for you to stop talking so he can get another jab in. “Exactly my point. You have no idea how much work goes into making something that elegant. Stick to your strengths, butcheress.”

It’s the first time that Taehyung has ever said anything that targeted about your culinary background. His kindness toward you was long gone, but you’re surprised that he’d stoop to that type of commentary considering how intimately you once knew each other. 

Taehyung’s petulant expression slightly softens, perhaps in response to the crestfallen glower that settles over features. The urge to hit him where you know it hurts claws at your vocal chords, though you know better than to engage. You’ve long since learned to curtail conversations with the man and save him the trouble of conjuring up yet another hurtful remark.

You flip your notebook shut, flinging it and your pen into your bag before abruptly standing to leave. 

“Protein for the second course is skinned duck breast. I’m not asking. We’ll figure out the rest tomorrow. Be here at 11.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵　　‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You’d spent that night first venting to your father on the phone about your scholastic woes (sans dramatic backstory), then gathering your personal feelings and burying them beneath your desire just to be done with everything. You didn’t fall asleep until 2 am, but you’d managed to outline the rest of your menu. Today, Taehyung would take what you had to offer and suck up his aversion to common decency.

Except when 11 am comes, Taehyung does not. You wait in the lounge for an hour and he still doesn’t show. That hour is exactly the amount of time your hurt needs to flambe into short-sighted indignation. 

Does he really not care about this project? He doesn’t even need the damn recommendation at the end of this, but is he really despicable enough to shit all over your chances for it? Is he fucking a goddamned cake again? He is, isn’t he!

Why call him when you can just break down his front door, confirm things yourself, and then beat him with a cast iron skillet? 

Perhaps it’s not the most diplomatic solution, but as you know all too well by now, Taehyung’s dick(ishness) brings out the worst in people.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵　　‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“Long time no see,” Taehyung’s doorman greets. His tone is marked with that signature customer service cheer, but he can tell by how you approach that you’re not in the greatest mood. Still, you nod quickly and return his courteous smile as he lets you into the building. 

When you step off the elevator on Taehyung’s floor, the same doormat is placed in front of his unit. It’s much worse for wear now, but it still hides the same key – really? – as it always has. You slot the key into the lock and finally pause. Is this ok?

Probably not, but you’re already here. The rage in your veins takes you again as a new wave of adrenaline washes over you and it’s the last push you need to turn the key in its lock. 

Your entrance isn’t subtle. You don’t even bother removing your shoes and march straight down the familiar corridor. The smell of something sickly sweet fills your nostrils and it goes from mild to nearly putrid as you round the corner. Taehyung has to be home, has to be in the kitchen, and you’ve been down this road before, yet the sight that you take in still stops you in your tracks.

“Taehyung!” You’re not sure if you’re talking more to him or yourself when you call his name because your mind is just trying to catch up with your eyes.

There’s a thick-bottomed pot on the 6-burner gas range smoking and Taehyung is standing between it and the island. He’s stark naked, tanned skin muddied with amber. It’s all over his chin, his chest, and dangerously close to the soft, black trim above his cock. You can see around the edges that his skin is tinged a deep red, but Taehyung doesn’t seem to notice with his hand furiously jacking his member. And there’s something on that too. It’s white, thick, but there’s so much of it. That can’t all be his cum? 

Just like last time, you’re transfixed. The way your agitation and horniness (why?) blend together is….concerning, but you don’t have time to even sort your feelings out. The smoke alarm shrieks and jostles you both bath to the present. It’s only then that Taehyung notices you and bellows almost as loud as the alarm itself. “Y/N, what the fuck!”

The noise reminds you that at least one of you needs to be responsible and you begrudgingly have to tear your eyes away from the hand that death grips the base of Taehyung’s dick. “No, Taeuhyung, you what the fuck!” You move to switch the stove dial off and move the pot to a cool burner. When you peek into the pot, the inside is charred, sides and bottom tarred with uneven bubbles on the surface. You turn to Taehyung, making it a point to only look him in the face this time. “You, what the fuck!” you shout again incredulously. “What is this? What’s on you?”

“Fucking–” Taehyung licks his bottom lip thoughtfully, running his hand up his shaft once before holding the base again. As much as you can’t stand him, your gaze follows the movement like a magnet. He absolutely sees it too. Taehyung doesn’t seem ashamed like the last time you met like this, but you’re not sure how to place whatever this is either. Finally, he admits, “It’s caramel. Most of it’s caramel.”

Your voice comes out smaller than you intend it to. “Do I want to know what’s on the rest of you?”

Taehyung is so hard that his cock is jutting out and up in front of him, swollen tip leaking pre that dribbles long and slow to the floor like a thread of silk. “Do you?”

It’s embarrassing to have to pick you jaw up from the floor in front of him like this. You’re so obviously gobsmacked that there’s no way the man will ever let you live it down (assuming that neither of you manages to kill each other before the end of today). Still, you try to keep your grasp on the sliver of pride that brought you here. “We were supposed to meet at 11.”

This appears to surprise Taehyung genuinely and he gasps, seeing that the digital clock on his microwave reads 1:02. “Shit– Sorry I– I was testing a batch for the croquembouche and lost track of time.”

“You don’t say?” You roll your eyes, gesticulating vaguely at the disaster he made in his own home.

The air in the room is different. Familiar? Casual? Of course, there’s tension, but not the kind that’s painted your interactions for the last year and a half. Judging by the way Taehyung’s other hand rises to his chest to smear caramel and white over his nipple, he must be feeling it too. “Do you,” he ventures, eyes scanning your face, “want to help me finish testing? It’s pate a choux batter.”

“On your dick?”

“Could be in your mouth, if you want.” There’s the Taehyung that got you in this mess in the first place. “If you’re ok with it. The caramel’s now so hot anymore either.” He leans to a bowl on the counter and reaches in, coming back out with a finger caked in caramel that’s clearly hardening.

Taehyung pops the digit into his mouth, the other hand slowly working his member again as he waits for the response that he already knows is coming. The morsel of resolve you have left dissolves right then and there. At some point, you’ll have to talk about this. About Taehyung’s startling propensity to toxicity and your newly discovered fetish. And the menu, of course. 

All of that is pushed to the back of your mind as your body moves on its own. You close the distance between you and Taehyung wordlessly, sinking to the floor in front of him. Your knees are wet with batter and caramel sauce and you can already feel the residue gluing you to the wood beneath you. The warmth of Taehyung’s hands hovers near your head as your hands wrap around the backs of his thighs to bring him closer. When you look up at him through heavy eyelids, he groans, already wrecked.

“I don’t wanna– Your hair. My hands are sticky,” he explains, settling for awkwardly placing them on his hips instead.

“Then don’t touch my hair,” is all you say matter-of-factly before taking his cock into your mouth. Taehyung’s even thicker than you remember. Taehyung thrusts shallowly into your mouth with a long, low moan, his hands still on his hips. You meet him halfway and it only takes a few thrusts before you’re gurgling around him, saliva and batter running down your chin. You know your jaw will ache sooner rather than later from this, but the sweet taste of batter and his precum mixing on your tongue is worth the punishment.

Taehyung is incredible like this, sickly sweet in your mouth and desperate above you. You crave the satisfaction of finishing him off, but it’s not long before he stops you by stepping back, sticky feet crackling as he moves. “Shit, not yet. Turn around. Let me show you something.” 

“What is it?” you rise, wiping your mouth on your sleeve and the way Taehyung watches you breathlessly reminds you just how wet you are from all of this. You turn toward the island anyway and feel him stand behind you, hands reaching around so he can hook his thumb into your waistband and tugging.

“Off,” he says. You comply, but still, Taehyung asks, “Do you trust me?”

You lean further onto the island to push your ass into him, impatient. “I'm here, aren’t I?”

“Fine, fine.” Taehyung’s warmth only leaves you for a moment before it returns. A large hand grips one of your exposed cheeks, squeezing appreciatively. He warns, “Last chance,” but doesn’t actually wait for you to respond. Instead, you feel cool, gooey batter drizzling onto you.

The sensation is so foreign, but you don’t hate it. Taehyung holds the bowl above you, pouring all of its contents onto you. You feel it spreading over the swell of your ass and down your legs. Some of it even falls into your crack, though Taehyung is quick to remedy that. The bowl clangs on the counter as he sets it down haphazardly and then he spreads you where you stand. His tongue is hot as it runs up your perineum and up to the puckered ring of muscle. Combined with the batter, it’s all so wet and the change in temperature makes you whimper.

Taehyung is in his element, tongue laving your hole hungrily until there’s no batter left. By the time he’s finished, you’re gripping the edge of the counter so hard that your fingers hurt. “T-Tae–” you start when he pulls away. But you can’t finish your sentence. He cups your pussy roughly, gathering your arousal in his palm as you feebly rock against him for friction. There’s the start of 2 fingers entering you up to the first knuckle, but then he changes his mind and adds a 3rd. Taehyung only has to plunge his fingers in a few times before heat rises in your stomach, but it’s not enough and feels like an eternity to you. As quickly as his touch comes, it leaves. You want to complain; he’s dragging this out too long. Taehyung is either a mind-reader or just merciful, though, because without warning or fuss, he slides into the velvet of your pussy. It’s so much better than the first time you’d fucked on his couch so long ago. This time, Taehyung doesn’t allow you the courtesy of adjusting. You don't seem to need it, though. When he plants his feet and jackhammers into you, you just try (and fail) to match his pace. 

Taehyung is barely taking in enough air to pant, yet somehow conjures enough oxygen for speech. “You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted this,” he confesses, kneading your ass broadly as his fingers slip through the batter. “Needed this.”

“Maybe if you – ah – didn’t kick me out when I - s-shit, Taehyung!” He doesn’t stop thrusting as he forces you further onto the counter and into a delicious arch so he can pierce you so deeply that you see a deity.

“When you saw me fucking that cake?” Taehyung slows his pace so he can swivel his hips when his pelvis meets the fat of your ass. “Shit, Y/N, you’re strangling my dick.”

You keen when he comes to a complete stop. “Just fuck me!”

The man’s not one to make a lady ask twice and he thankfully starts moving again, starting slowly at first before working his way back up to a punishing speed. “What was I supposed to say, babe?”

If your eyes weren’t already threatening to roll to the back of your head, you’d glare at him. “You were supposed to do what we’re doing now,” is what you try to say. It just sounds garbled and stupid while Taehyung clutches both of your ass cheeks hard enough to bruise as he works his length into you.

Taehyung doesn’t press his question, too busy chasing the ecstasy in the center of your heat. “W-Where?” is all he asks.

Just as you open your mouth to answer, Taehyung’s now-slippery fingers reach to rub at your clit. Your answer comes out so high-pitched that it doesn’t even sound like you anymore. “Inside, fuck! Please!” You tumble over the cliff of pleasure immediately after, knees threatening to give out as your muscles tense, hold, release.

Taehyung’s hands cinch around your waist, pulling you into him as his final thrusts pummel your abused pussy. Then, he stills. You stay like that for a good while as he injects his load into you, muttering a barely coherent mix of “sorry”s and “I love you”s into the air. 

When he does pull out, it’s with an obscene squelch. His cum is overflowing and trickles past your lips and down your legs almost immediately. Your knees finally do riot and Taehyung catches you just in time as you sink to the floor. As you come down from your high, you grimace. There’s cooling cum and batter and leftover caramel mixed under you as you sit bonelessly on the floor, back sticky as Taehyung’s chest envelopes you from behind. He seems to revel in it, happy to rest his chin on your shoulder. You sit in comfortable silence as your senses return until Taehyung decides to break it.

“Thank you.”

You attempt to turn and look at him, but now your bodies are uncomfortably joined by hardened caramel. You settle for interlocking your fingers with his on your thigh. “Why?”

Taehyung pauses thoughtfully. “For...accepting this. Accepting me. Forgiving me, maybe?”

“Hah!” you scoff wryly. “I can accept this. But forgive you? For all the shit you’ve put me through?”

“Fair. I’ve had some bad experiences – not an excuse, I know! I just panicked. I’m sorry. I missed you every day and I suck and I’m sorry.” He squeezes your hand in his.

It will take a much longer conversation to settle things and figure out where you two can go from here. An apology, you suppose, is a start, at least.”Can I ask you something?”

“Anything,” Taehyung assures. 

“All this shit with you not liking every food ever. Is that real?”

“Hm… Yes and no.”

“What does that mean?” You begin tallying every bad food opinion Taehyung has in your head, trying to calculate how many days of grief you’ll give him for all of the hassle he’s put you through.

Taehyung chuckles behind you nervously and kisses your shoulder. “If it’s something I’ve fucked or plan to fuck, I don’t want to eat it for fun. It’s not fair.”

“Not fair? To whom?”

“To the food! I cook it for art. Otherwise, it’s strictly for pleasure.”

“So you just say all this crazy nonsense because–”

“Was I supposed to tell you I like to stick my dick in succotash on the first date?”

You sigh deeply, realizing that Taehyung’s selective lack of critical thinking is 100% genuine. “There are infinitely better ways for you to navigate that conversation.”

“I wasn’t lying about corned beef, though. It really does smell like cat food and I really do hate it.”

“You ruin every-fucking-thing, Tae.”

You and your syrupy companion laugh and it feels like your relationship is already on the mend. It feels like coming home. Healing.

“Oh, by the way,” Taehyung remembers, “did you wanna finish that menu? It’s due in, like, two days.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵　　‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You and Taehyung end up going another 2 rounds with a fresh batch of slightly cooled caramel before you actually get to work on finalizing the menu. Miraculously, it does ultimately earn you the top marks and dean’s recommendation post-graduation. What you’re less prepared for is the revenge that Taehyung exacts on you afterward. It does indeed involve another cake.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵　　‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

A/N²: Alternate title: Lost in the Sauce 😏 Taglist: @my-calico-cat​ @theestrangeddreamer​ @lavienjin​

[dangermousie]

EEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Hi there, Journey of the Flower for the new decade.

Welcome to the ShizunFuckers Club (tm), girl! Go get that Hot for Teacher vibe on!

(Side note: I am someone with a graduate degree and had my schooling on two continents but I have never had teachers anywhere near as hot as cdrama and web novel teachers. One cannot help but wonder whether the bulk of problems could have been avoided if they only stuck with hiring the more homely among us for that noble profession instead of practicing lookism.)

PS The moment Xiao Zhan’s character vowed eternal celibacy I went “Oooooh, boy!” That worked out so well for Allen Ren in One and Only. No boning leads to deboning. Hope you enjoy getting deboned, sexy priest!

[pookiepoodle]

What foods can they not stand? ft Karasuno

Hi everyone! Let me know what you think and if I should do another part. If so, what school would you like to see? Check out my masterlist and don’t forget to heart! 

Daichi - He loves food and being a big brother, I personally believe he helps his younger siblings out by eating SOME of the food they don’t like (make no mistake though, he will make sure they try it properly and do eat some so they can grow up to be healthy and strong). I feel like he just hates super icky sweet foods though. Like, stuff that only a little kid could like. So, for the sake of picking something, I’m going to say he hates bubblegum ice-cream. He just doesn't see the point and finds it to be revolting whenever his younger siblings get it.

Sugawara - I feel like he doesn’t like mashed potatoes. Like, the super whipped, creamy ones. He just finds them so bland and doesn't understand why you’d want to eat something like that when there’s so many other options full of flavour. 

Asahi - This boy cannot handle spicy food, so he hates chilis. I also sense that when it comes to meat and fish, he isn’t a big fan of the whole “natural” look as if it’s still alive. Why would he want to eat something that looks alive?! He’s grateful to have a sweet s/o like you who will debone the fish and such for him, since he just can’t find the courage to do it himself. 

Nishinoya - It’s canon that he doesn’t like onions (check the wiki). He just finds them so overpowering and his worst nightmare as a teen was that he’d be eating onions and a girl would want to kiss him and then would be like,” Eww, your breath stinks! Never mind!” You’d busted a gut when he revealed this to you, making him pout for the rest of the day. 

Tanaka - He hates rice crackers. They’re so dry and just bland. It’s even worse when there’s nothing to drink and he has to force down the driest dish known to man. But if Kiyoko made them? He loves them and will eat them forever. But yours? I’m sorry honey, he refuses.

Kageyama - Sour cream because he was once super tired and mistook it for yogurt. He has been scarred ever since and refuses to take the risk of such a mistake happening again. So don’t even think about buying it because the second he sees it, it’s going in the bin.

Hinata - Spicy food. He likes it but it hates him. (I understand his pain)

Tsukishima - He isn’t super fond of food in general, so I see him being super picky with things in general. But if he had to pick, baked beans.

Yamaguchi - Marmite. It’s one of those “love it or hate it” foods and he can’t stand it. Even the smell makes him gag but he’s so sweet and wouldn’t want to insult anyone who had it with them so he’ll just keep sitting there next to it, trying to stop himself from spilling his guts.

Kiyoko - Similar to Daichi, she doesn't like super sugary artificial foods and as a result, rejects Tanaka’s attempts at “EXTREME Rice Crispy Cakes' which are literally what an actual child would imagine as being the best thing ever. It’s not.

Yachi - Yachi is such a sweetheart and does love her meat. But she draws the line when it comes to live octopus. Even if everyone insists that the octopus can’t feel it or is almost dead, she just can’t bring herself to do it, sweet girl.