#THEN I will finally be *understood* because it just doesn't seem to happen naturally ever. so that's all on me. if only I was good enough

[vaguely-concerned]

I rewatched the recording I made of rye talking to solas for the last time before the big betrayal ('words of the dread wolf'), and it made me have to sit with my face in my hands for a while over the fact that like... rye did everything right, especially by the ideals of the mourn watch when it comes to interacting with spirits. he's cautious but not disrespectful, he gives gratitude and credit and even some companionable banter where it's due, he's willing to hear solas' point of view out even if he doesn't necessarily buy what he's selling, he stays on his guard the whole time but is honest and fair in his dealings with him as far as possible. and it doesn't matter one fucking bit!!! you can make no mistakes, commit no sins, and still fail, still be at the mercy of a lack of mercy and pure callous circumstance!!!!! this catastrophe is coming for you no matter what. there is no perfect thing you could have done, no exact right thing for you to say, no amount of careful or clever you could have been that could have outtricked these circumstances or would have saved you or anyone else. (nothing you could do to save varric either, but you don't know about that yet. it's just that awful feeling in the back of your mind you keep shying away from like it burns you.)

that's... such a painful but important lesson to have to learn in some ways, I think. both forgiving yourself for what you couldn't know until you did, what you couldn't do and never could have done (should never have been made to face, in a better kinder world), and having to accept the shattered illusion of perfect control and safety ever becoming achievable -- if only I do everything right, everything will be okay. and if things aren't okay, that's because I did something wrong and if I were better the bad thing wouldn't have happened; the logic and grief and desperation to hold on to goodness of a child. the logic solas is unable to let go of from the moment he took physical form and to this day (for all his age and experience I can fix this, I can still fix this is the helpless cry of a child, just one dangerously amplified by near-divine levels of power and a very clever mind), and that rook has to learn to let go of or else drown. the examination of that central question of like... you can act with the best of intentions in this world and with as much information as possible and there will still be unforeseen consequences. bad things will still happen. sometimes it won't even be anyone's fault, no one ever meant for it to happen like that. but it did. it did. how will you live with that? in this game is so GOOD. what a theme

[gothiethefairy]

so, i've been thinking about laios's relationship with his mother. we all know about his daddy issues by now, but no one thinks about his mother. i mean, he disowned her as well. he hardly talks about her. he has a lot to say about his dad but when it comes to his mother, the most he'll say is "idk, she was kinda sick a lot."

and i think it was because he did hold her on a high pedestal. she's his mother, his protector. i know for sure she babied him a lot. mothers who's first-born is a son mostly do.

she was the one who even gifted him his precious monster manual!

so, what happened? why did he also lump her with his father and decided "i'm never speaking to them ever again." ?

to put it in simple terms, it was falin. laios was so upset about how his parents treated the situation about the villagers' abuse to falin. both of them didn't know how to handle it, but they both failed at protecting her. the best their father can come up with is sending falin away to the magic school. (without explaining why bc their dad sucked at communicating with his family.)

their village was also very conservative, especially towards magic-users. i always found it to be odd since magic does seem to be the norm in the "dungeon meshi" world, however evidence shows it's not all well-known all around the world. i mean, rin's parents were burnt to death for using magic that was thought to be "black magic".

and falin's natural magical talent being "talking to the dead" would make anyone nervous bc that could be linked to black magic.

their mother is always described to be "frail", and i bet it's mostly because she's very superstitious. gotta be honest here as well, she maybe wasn't mentally healthy. this is just an assumption but their mom comes off as paranoid and anxious, and then does these made-up rituals to try to "heal" her daughter.

hurting falin like this was the final nail in the coffin for laios, because maybe he thought he could rely on her? "hey mom, can you tell dad not to send falin away? please?"

yeah, she had "good intentions", but she still abused her daughter? because she made the situation about herself and went "oh god, it's my fault my daughter is a freak. i have to fix this."

also, laios looking so stressed and haggard here makes me so sad. like, what if their mother did something similar to him when he was younger? he wouldn't care about himself getting hurt, but seeing his own mother doing it to falin is nerve-wrecking.

the way both siblings are portrayed as autistic in different ways is important to their characters. just because falin understood why their parents did what they did, doesn't make it okay. they still hurt her, and laios knows that. and in a way, they hurt him too.

if their parents couldn't protect them from awful, nasty people and expected their children to just bare it, how can laios trust them?

this is scary to see for a child.

after that, he pretty much gave up on his parents and never looked back. but i also think, if he misses them, it's more his mother than his father.

afterall, he did his best to keep his monster manual safe.

[luna0713hunter]

Kiss me where it hurts the most

Zoro Roronoa x reader

Summary : sometimes,things happen and hearts break. Sometimes,everyone need a good cry. But maybe hiding away and crying alone,away from your boyfriend wasnt a good idea.

Warnings : none,just hurt/comfort,reader is having a hard time,break downs and panic attacks,soft zoro,fluff

For anyone who's having a rough time :) hope u get well soon

*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘

Leaning against the wooden wall of the storage room,you calmly sit down and try to make yourself as comfortable as you possibly can in the small space behind the stored boxes. You try to be as quiet as possible;not wanting to make any noise and wake someone up.

You didnt want to be found just yet.

You knew what you were doing wasnt actually wrong;after all,its only human nature wanting to hide away and have a little alone time. But for some reason,you felt guilty. Guilty for running away from your friends' help,and your boyfriend's concerned gaze.

It was too much.

Your life wasnt all sunshine and flowers,thats why you chose to join the StrawHats and sail away; hoping that maybe becoming a pirate,may solve your problems. But boy,you were wrong.

Problems seem to sail with you as well. And no matter how hard you tried to bottle everything up,at some point,it was bound to break,and break you as well. So when everything became too much,you skipped dinner,told your boyfriend that you're tired and instead of resting,you found a secret spot in the storage room to calm down.

And when the first tear rolled down your cheek,you knew you were screwed;once your tears start, there's no stopping them.

You hands tightly press against your mouth as you squeeze your eyes shut and try to muffle your cries. Everything feels so heavy. Too fucking much. You have no idea what finally triggered your breaking,but whatever it was,it fucked you up good.

You lower your head and rest your forehead against your knees;since when life became so complicated? sure,ever since you remembered,you understood way too much,more than your age. You were always the kid trying to make everyone feel better,helping them and be a shoulder they could lean or cry on. But ironically,no one ever did the same for you.

So when your own boyfriend,Zoro,tried to make you talk,of course you shut him out;not understanding why he would waste his time listening to your nonsense. You were fine,maybe feeling a bit down and suffocating,but you were fine.

You wouldn't want Zoro to leave you after all with your problems-

Zoro would only hate you-

Who we would want someone with so many baggage after all?

Trying desperately to shut up the voices in your head,you wrap your arms around your head to cover your ears;so when a pair of rushes footsteps hurry toward you,of course you dont hear.

You jerk shakily,your eyes snapping open when a pair of hands settle on your shoulder and squeeze with a small amount of pressure;trying to ground you and make you look at him.

Him

Your lips wobble as your eyes lock with Zoro's;and with a sudden rush of panic,you try to push him away.

He doesn't move.

"Y/n," his voice is thick, heavier than always, " whats wrong?"

When you dont answer and choose to bite your lips until they almost bleed,with a sudden move, he's pulling you to his chest

"babe,tell me what the fuck is wrong. I swear I'll fix it."

And thank god your face is buried in Zoro's chest;because as soon as those words leave his mouth, you're breaking down again.

Your sobs are loud and heartbreaking to anyone listening,and you feel Zoro's arms squeezing you tighter. You wrap your own arms around his back,and burry your face more in his shirt;taking in his soothing scent.

Zoro always smelled liked rain,apples and freshly cutted grass.

"baby girl," his voice is soft as he rubs up and down your back;one hand combing through your hair, "dont cry. Tell me whats wrong. Who hurt you? I'll kill them myself."

"just," your throat feels hoarse after crying so much,but you manage to get out few words, "stay. Dont go."

And Zoro never denies you anything.

So you just sit there. Half in Zoro's lap,with your arms wrapped around his neck,and your face buried in his neck. His hands never once stop rubbing your back,and for someone not a fan of talking,he never stops his sweet words and gentle praises.

For you,Zoro is always a different man.

After a long time,when you're finally calmed down and tired from all the crying,Zoro leans his back against the wooden wall and pulls you completely in his lap to cradle you against his chest. Your eyes are heavy when you look up at him

"sleepy?"

And after a nod from you, your eyes fall shut when his presses his lips to your forehead.

"then sleep. We can talk when you're awake."

With another nod,you close your eyes and fall asleep. And strangely,you dont dream of anything.

[the-time-travelers-admirer]

So, I'm not pro FivexLila and I don't ship any of them. But, from what I have seen spoiler wise, I feel it kinda shows what I've been saying about him all along. That Five craves and starves for love and intimacy and touch. To be loved, to love, to be seen, to be understood, to have an intimate bond with someone who gets him. To be with someone who brings out the soft lovely sappy old man he has inside of him.

I could see it in his eyes and expressions through all the gifs, screenshots, and clips. It's as plain as day. I do believe that like Dolores and Five's marriage, this love was caused by years of proximity and familiarity. I know Dolores was a mannequin, but when she was all Five had because he was the last man standing in the entire world, he projected his wants and feelings and desires onto her and developed true romantic feelings for her and she became his wife. And with how he treated and felt about Dolores, Five actually gives loving male wife vibes. He took care of her, was tender and loving with her, spoiled her, and was so gentle with her. I have a whole post about that on it's own somewhere.

I feel the same thing happened with him and Lila. They only had each other, were only stuck with each other, they had many shared traumas given the handler and the commission, they were familiar to each other, she knew him and he knew her, she knew of his actually old but young looking confliction but never really treated him as his looks, they did have a sort of chemistry, and were all alone with each other because the rest of their family were elsewhere.

So, to me, for Five it seems natural he caught feelings for Lila given the situation. Him feeling love and being loved looked good on him and I've always craved seeing him happy and with someone who got him and saw him and treated him well, but this is definitely wrong person wrong time.

And I feel that he has truly longed for a connection like that, but once they returned, his world was entirely flipped upside down and crashed and burned. And I can see he didn't want easily to let go of what he finally had and experienced, so he kind of snapped and didn't care that his brother's feelings were hurt because he most likely had that "Finally" feeling with Lila. He became out of character because he seemed to fall in love and then lost it all in the blink of an eye. So, he became bitter, jealous, vindictive, immature, mean, and essentially acted out. Which is actually common for many people once they catch feelings and it gets yanked away/ends abruptly for whatever ever reason.

I don't think he entirely didn't care that Lila was his brother's wife, I feel he just buried that fact and tried to not think about it because he finally felt the happy he wasn't look for and wanted to hold onto it with white knuckled iron fists.

With Lila, he looked soft, tender, content, in love, genuinely happy, and like his heart was on his sleeve. You can tell just by how he looked at her. It was truly written deep in his eyes. He deserved all that I have seen, as I've wanted it so bad for him for so many years, to be loved by someone who really saw him, but definitely wrong person wrong time by all accounts.

I'm happy to finally see the Five I've written for and about to actually exist and finally rise to the screen from within him, but him and Lila was not the way I wanted that to happen. Doesn't feel right.

[bonbon-bonny]

I don't usually write a whole lot but I wanted to talk about this for a moment

Ahem. *flips through notes*

So I loooove Sailor Moon. Specifically the 90s version. It was my favorite show growing up. My home life was difficult and to see someone like Usagi with a perfect family, a perfect boyfriend etc. getting to live her best life despite the fact she herself wasn't perfect was too easy to become a bit obsessive over ^_^;

well, let's just say I wanted to be Usagi just a bit too much because my world, my family (Side note: I looove my family! They did the best they could to take care of me growing up, but we had to deal with an unusual circumstance that made it hard for all of us), heck just even being myself didn't feel good enough and frankly it left me having to confront a lot of issues just to be okay with who I am now.

And of course ,naturally, I looooved Tuxedo Kamen XD. On the outside to me, he seemed perfect; a knight in shining armor.

But I always kept running into a particular conversation which is "why do you like him so much tho? He seems like a jerk. He seems so different from her. He never shows her affection. She'd be better off with someone like Seiya who's more on her level. He's useless. He's bad for trying to help her because she's a girl boss and doesn't need to be rescued." Like, seriously the amount of criticism I've heard towards this character is wild and he literally gets attacked no matter what he does.

And you know I get it. If you just look at it from a surface level it's easy to maybe get that impression of him but after one particular conversation I was having with a friend of mine about it I stopped and asked myself why. Why does she like him? why does he like her? how can two people who outwardly look so different from each other ever be in a healthy relationship? what could the two of them possibly have in common?

So I did what I do best and I watched the show I grew up with carefully. I observed him. I watched the things he said and did. And in the end I reached several conclusions.

Mamoru isn't perfect, at least in the beginning, but he's always trying to do his best to be. With almost anyone else in the show he's usually calm, collected and somewhat reserved. The only person besides Motoki he seems to act out a bit with if you can call it that IS Usagi and half of the time it's not even that he's actually being mean.

[IF you watch the Japanese version with subtitles, because in the English dub? Ooph! they changed so much of his dialogue and gave him such a smirky voice it's hard to listen to him without wanting to punch him in the face imo.]

It's that the way she perceives him is off. Also, sometimes it's not even HIM that starts the arguments.

Sometimes SHE'S the one who starts their spats and he snaps back at her. Sometimes she hits him with shoes and papers and doesn't seem to care.

One episode that comes to mind is the Dreamland episode where the toy train stops and she rams into him. All he did was look at her and say hi and immediately she got defensive and started making fun of him.

Making fun of an orphan sitting on a toy train who most likely was just trying to do something fun that he never got to because he didn't HAVE a family to take him as a kid.

Seriously. If you were to be in his place, going through this world, it's rather scary, stressful, terrifying, and uncertain.

He didn't get a magical talking cat to walk him through his powers. Instead he got seizures and psychic visions, and a past life version of himself that took over his body without consent until he finally got the rainbow crystal and understood what was happening around him.

He gets amnesia not once but twice, kidnapped several times, and gets trapped in his own mind twice ala brainwashing by beryl and Nehelenia and by stars I wouldn't be surprised if half of the reason he went to study abroad instead of staying with Usagi is because he was afraid if he did he'd only continue to be a burden for her, because the man hardly has any dialogue and seems almost catatonic.

Also let's be real here. As amazing as it was for him to meet and talk with his future self it probably scared him. The responsibility of literally being King of the world, of making decisions that could impact the lives of everyone in tremendous ways. Of being the kind of partner and provider he thinks Usagi deserves or being a good father for Chibi-Usa when he didn't get to have parents to show him what those things looked like.

He didn't get a loving family to support him or tell him that they loved him, he was an orphan who probably hoped someone would eventually rescue him but no one ever did.

He probably feels in his heart that he doesn't deserve to be loved by anyone, and even if someone were to pursue him romantically he probably couldn't reciprocate in any meaningful way because he's most likely too closed off emotionally to be in a healthy relationship with anyone.

Heck the guy only for the most part has only two best friends. Motoki and Saori and frankly I'd hardly even call Saori a best friend since she literally just shows up in an episode in Super S as "Romantic competition" for Usagi and then just ups and vanishes and is never mentioned ever ever again.

So how does someone like him see Usagi and wind up constantly sacrificing his life over and over again for her?

Three words:

She. Sees. Him.

Once she starts to look at him a bit differently instead of seeing him as some tall guy running around with his stupid green jacket with his prickly personality, once she realizes that it was him trying to rescue her when she was so close to the brink of death on occasions and getting injured in the process, once he opens up to her about his struggles she sees him. Not just because he's a hero, but because even if it's hard for him he still tries to help her. A lot of times he even gives her really sound advice that she winds up listening to even if at the time he tells her she doesn't seem to understand him and takes it the wrong way.

He probably also deep down worries that he truly doesn't deserve someone like her.

Even if we don't always see it from the outside he adores Usagi because she sees him for who he is and doesn't ask him to be more outgoing or different.

Usagi adores him because he doesn't ask her to be anything other than who she really is.

Both of them accept the other as they truly are inside. THAT is true love.

You don't really get the chance to see what their relationship looks like from the outside. But he smiles a lot when he's with her which is certainly not something he really ever did with Rei or anyone else from what I could tell. And I bet when he does take her out on dates he's embarrassed and flustered and stumbles but he also probably takes off his mask and tries to make her happy and have a good time.

Also I'd like to add some notes on King Endymion and the violet. Why so much violet? Like....an overwhelming amount of violet XD I never understood why when I was younger but as I've grown up I've spent some time delving into subjects such as Psychology, Spirituality, and Philosophy.

Ladies and gentlemen, Violet is the color of the crown chakra.

https://www.chakras.info/crown-chakra/

Crown chakras deal with the mental and the spiritual. They are a gateway to enlightenment and in my opinion perhaps one could even say that the journey of mental health and enlightenment are two sides of the same coin.

So I'd like to think that for as much as Mamoru might struggle with his mental health, he also walked the path towards true enlightenment. Such a man truly should be King of the World and is more than deserving of being Usagi's partner.

And I'd die for a relationship with a man who is brave enough to confront the things which makes him suffer because I'd know that he'd have the clarity of mind to be a good partner, to treat me with kindness and compassion and show me the kind of love I've always dreamed of having, and that's something only someone who has love for themselves and others could ever possibly be able to give. He doesn't need to be perfect, because perfection is unattainable. He just needs to be brave enough to try even if it makes him deeply uncomfortable at times.

So,

To the men who truly and deeply identify with Mamoru, know I'd marry you in a heartbeat if you asked. That if you showered me in chocolate and flowers I'd do the exact same thing for you because you deserve it. Anyone who is brave enough to do the work necessary to heal and grow, to have kindness and compassion for others, to show me that even if I'm not perfect that it's still okay to be myself around you deserves every happiness in the world.

Not everyone is brave enough to do such a thing and I've come to a point in my life where I'm not interested in what someone can give me externally as much as I am in the kind of person they choose to be and what their values are.

Maybe some people might look at someone like Mamoru and judge him, but Usagi most certainly never would once she got to know him; and considering I've always wanted to be her I'll die on this hill defending him. Out of everyone, Usagi WOULD defend him from the judgement, from the criticism, of the need to be perfect and wear masks, or be something other than what he truly is on the inside.

Mamoru is more than just a knight in shining armor,

He's beautiful imperfection; and I'd choose that over anything else any day.

@heavyheartedprinceofearth

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.190 New season

Today, I took the family back to Gilbert Gardens to see our house, officially, for the first time. Last night, after Dub went home, I showed Sophia pictures of the inside to confirm with her my choice. As suspected, she agreed wholeheartedly. When we walked in, the familiar scene greeted us with a warm invitation. After scrolling through the pictures over the last few days, being inside was so magical. It felt like home. Sophia was especially taken with all the red accents in the living room. I think it's hilarious how she says she doesn't have a favorite color, but it's so obvious that she does.

We've had many signs that this was to be our home even before we bought it, and the inside confirms it even more. First, with Sophia's favorite color, and now my mother's. The kitchen is green, and throughout my life, it seems like most of our intimate moments happened in kitchens. I'm not a big fan of the color, but it felt like fate.

The eat-in kitchen is such a large room, as I said previously. It's totally gonna end up being the family room. Me and Sophia already hang together while we're cooking anyway, so with the computer and toys for Desi in the mix, I don't see how we'll ever leave this room. Sophia is the only one who watches TV, and she really only does that when she's alone, so I don't see the living room getting much use.

It's interesting how a home's layout makes all the difference. This house is roughly the same size as our current one, but it feels so much more spacious. I especially love having different places to hang out. Upstairs, there's a nice loft-like area that I'm sure Desi and her cousins will take over when they're older. I wish we could have had a spot like that in our current house. Tummy time would have been so much more comfortable than squeezing into a narrow hallway.

All the bedrooms and the hall bath open to this space. Our bedroom is super tiny, so the wardrobe sits just outside the door. It'll be tough to leave behind our large bedroom, but we've lived the tiny room life before and will do it again happily. At least we finally got our own bathroom this time. We might have to change the color scheme, though, because the bedroom is the one place I don't want to be thinking about Mama.

I love Desi's room. It has such a sweet yet calm vibe, just like her. It's a shame she'll probably never sleep in it as is. I hope I can find a similar set in a child size to maintain the vibe.

When the cousins come over, two of them can stay in the spare room, and the other can camp out in the loft with a sleeping bag.

There's a nice size porch, and a fenced in side yard just like we have at our current house. But the pièces de résistance is the backyard. I'm glad to see all the stuff I ordered arrived, but I kicked myself for not thinking it through. I was too excited about giving the kids the best backyard ever and never once considered they're all aging up the day after tomorrow. Hopefully, there's a good return policy because that stuff was not cheap.

Once we finished touring the house and getting a feel for it, my next move was to leave and go back home, naturally. Sophia reminded me that this is our home and we could stay as long as we want unless I had something better to do. I most certainly did not, so we parked upstairs and sat on the floor with Desi.

"Do you like this house, Des?" I ask.

"Yeah!"

"Do you want to live here?"

"I go live in the dollie house!"

I swear we have the most adorable kid on earth. And I will fight anyone who disagrees, heh. Given how she behaved at Dub's rental, I knew I wouldn't have to convince her moving here was a good thing, but I had to be sure she understood this time we were definitely staying.

"We should pack up our photos and stuff tonight and move in tomorrow," Sophia said.

"Why tomorrow?"

"Why not? It's not like we're taking much. Plus, I'd like to be settled before her birthday."

Sometimes, I don't understand my brain. Like, I'll have something in my head to do, but for whatever reason, it doesn't occur to me to do it right away. I honestly can't tell you when I thought we'd move in, but it definitely was not tomorrow. Thank goodness my wife has better foresight than me.

"Are you excited about your birthday, Desi baby?" I ask.

"Birdaaaay!"

She's excited because we're excited, but I don't think she knows what birthdays are all about yet, so I try to explain.

"It's gonna be so fun! All your cousins will be here, and we're gonna eat cake, and then you'll be a BIG girl. Are you excited?"

"I cited!"

"What excites you most about being a big girl?" Sophia asks.

"I cited about TREE HOUSE, an I pway with Koopa an Wosie, an I cited about pway with you, Daddy!"

"Awww, I'm excited about playing with you, too. Are you excited about school?"

"What's school?"

"School is a place where you go every day to learn important stuff and get super smart. There'll be lots of other kids there, and you can make friends. And there's a thing called recess where they let you go outside and run around for a little while. It'll be fun."

I do not doubt that little speech was more for convincing myself because the thought of her being away for that long every day makes me incredibly anxious, and I miss her already. How is my baby girl school-age already?? I should have asked Dub how he dealt with this transition.

"Does that sound like fun, sweet potato?" Sophia asks.

"Yeah! I gon' have THIS MANY fwens!"

"Woooow that's a lot of friends," Sophia said.

I left them talking to go to the bathroom, and then I called Less to give her the plan. When I returned, I found my entire family in the kitchen, looking happy and comfortable, as if we'd been living here the entire time. I sensed that relief—that era of chill I'd been longing for—settling into the foundation of the house. If I would have known all we needed was a change of venue, I would have bought this house long time ago. But everything happens in its time for a reason. Whatever this new season will bring, I'm ready for it.

[amunyan]

Warnings: smut...

Carefully you look around the changing room. "Good - I'm the last one. Now I just have to be quick."

Against your nature, you took your time after training. You volunteered to help tidy up the gym, asked a few more or less serious questions about some of the techniques, only to be alone now.

"Even though we are all women... I am still too shy..."

Wrapped in a towel, you undress clumsily. Then, armed with shampoo and soap, you enter the communal shower.

Another thing you never thought would happen. But because of the current problems in your block of flats...

Fortunately, the janitor was able to fix the problem with the power cut last week. But even he thought it would be better to call in a professional. Well, the expert arrived yesterday. Just an apprentice, it seems, but he was very confident and soon found the cause: a large leak in the technical room where the washing machines are located. It was not hard to miss it, as it was right next to the machines and everyone knew about it somehow, but shrugged it off anyway. A big mistake, because this leak was just a small part of a bigger one, hidden behind the washing machines.  So it was not long before the culprit behind the blackouts was found. One of the washing machines was to blame, as water had leaked into its circuit from a burst pipe. To fix the problem, the water was temporarily turned off that day to replace the broken pipe. But the electricity in the basement was left off for the time being to prevent a short circuit. And as the boiler was also in the basement, there was no hot water for a few days. Until the apprentice's boss accepted everything... So you had to... The other option was an ice-cold shower at home; and you were clearly more of a hot shower type.

"I hope this is the only time I have to do this..." you say to yourself as you turn on the tap. You still feel more than uncomfortable...

The warm water echoes in the tiled room. You quickly wet your hair and body. But you take a moment to enjoy the warm water on your skin. You close your eyes and lean back a little - a big mistake for beginners. Moments later, you jump when you hear the door to the changing room open.

"What the hell? Who else is there? Wait a minute... That's right. I forgot all about her."

"Nice view. Mind if I join you, (Y/N)?"

Mereoleona is standing in the doorway to the open communal shower in the changing room - yes, they really had skimped on the door and privacy here. Probably because no one would ever shower here anyway.

"Huh?!" You don't really have a chance to disagree, because Mereoleona doesn't wait for an answer. She quickly undresses and is now standing next to you in the shower. You don't even dare to look at her, because you are way too busy to cover your breasts and the area between your legs.

 "Calm down, (Y/N). You have seen her naked many times before. And so has she...", you try to confince yourself. "So why am I so nervous?"

This is a total lie. Maybe you have seen her, because she doesn't mind. But has she seen you? No...

"Hey, don't be shy, sweetheart. It's just us. But still..." She pauses and looks at you. Slowly from top to bottom and back again. "You never took off your towel in the sauna until now..." Mereo adds with a grin. "So; why are you here? I never expected to see you showering. Especially not here." She says, turning on the tap of the shower next to yours.

"Neither did I," you reply with an awkward smile on your lips. "But the showers here are more comfortable than mine at home, after the hot water ran out yesterday..."

"Problems in your home again?"

You nod, "Yes. But maybe they finally found the problem. It will just take a while to fix it."

"I see... And you really put up with the public shower here? Instead of asking me for help?" She looks at you with a raised eyebrow and you just nod silently with your lips pressed together.

"Next time you need help, you came to me, understood? You can always ask me, you know."

You nod again, this time a little uncertain.

"Well, at least I get the pleasure of showering with you."

Your eyes drift back to the ground. You can't stand her intense gaze. Nor that she was so casual about this. In comparison, your heart is beating so hard in your chest. On the one hand, you want to escape the situation. On the other hand, you want to stay.

"Can I borrow your soap?"

"Huh? Sure... But didn't you bring your own?"

"Hell, no. I usually shower at home. Well, would you be so kind?" She holds out her hand and you hand her your soap while you wash your hair.

"Goodness, if she doesn't have anything with her, why is she showering here? At first I thought she showered here regularly - she's the type. But now? But not really because of me?" You allow yourself the thought and blush even more than you already do. "What's she up to? She was very engaging and possessive on Sunday too. She cuddled me in front of everyone, called me hers and then kissed me on the forehead." You think about it for a moment, but you don't know exactly how to take it. At least you don't want to see the obvious.

In a careless moment, as you turn to rinse every last bit of foam from your hair, you feel hands on your back. Warm fingers sliding gently over your skin. You jump. Your heart starts beating like crazy.

"Mereo? What are you doing?" You notice that your voice is shaking.

"Just taking the chance to help you soap up." She replies with a kind of devilish smile on her lips.

You don't know how to react when her hands touching your skin. It feels soft and gentle as she rubs your back. Even though you wanted something like this, you could not bring yourself to admit it. You are still too busy being shy and ashamed of the situation, your brain has not processed yet.

Instead of feeling, you think about whether this is wrong or not.

"It's okay," you nervously try to convince yourself again. "We're both women... and maybe this is just a normal thing for female friends to do. Or in general. In Japan, people wash each other's backs, if I'm not mistaken. So... I've lost count of how many times we've been in the sauna and so on together..."

Mereoleona's touches become stronger and it's not just your back she's soaping up.

"Where is this going? Is this still normal between friends? She has always been the touchy type. But this?"

Slowly, her fingers have moved down your back to your hips, moving forward over your stomach as she moves closer to you.

Your heart is pounding harder against your chest. Your breathing accelerates. "She'll notice..."

As Mereo strokes your breasts, you have to bite your lower lip to stifle some naughty noises. Your mind goes crazy and you take a small step back, closer to her. You want to touch her too… "Damn it."

You both pause as you hear the door to the changing room swing open, followed by hurried footsteps and cursing. Not only do you catch the voice, but from your point in the shower you can see a little of the changing room. Mina, that's the name of the person, who just entered the room. A sweet but clumsy girl who always forgets something. The young woman ignores the sound of the shower. Still. You and Mereo cannot react quickly enough, alone the fact that Mina is too busy with whatever can save you. At least for the moment.

"What a snot... She always forgets something," you hear Mereoleona mutter.

But you don't even dare to breathe. You just hope that Mina will quickly find what she's looking for and leave. And don't see you two here. Don't see you and your trainer doing dirty things in the shower...

Only now do you realise that Mereoleona still has her hands on your breasts. Even though she's only touching them, it sends shivers down your spine. You can't stand them any longer. She should either fuck you here and now or take her hands off yours. But under these circumstances...

"Mereo..." you whisper, breathing heavily. "Can you please take your hands off my breasts. I...."

"Why? Mina will leave any moment."

"But I can't stand it any longer. Please..."

"Thank God. Here it is." Mina happily takes the scarf she thought she had lost. It is only now that she notices the shower is turned on. "Oh... someone else is here?" She whispers under her breath.

"See? She seems to have her stuff. She will leave any minute. Just a little longer, sweetheart." She gives you a couple of little kisses on your shoulder. "I didn't expect you to react like that. I haven't even started yet..."

"This isn't helping. You should stop moving. Please! I am already so damn wet, and not because of the water."

You can't see Mina, but you can hear her footsteps. You still hope she would be leaving by now. But it doesn't look like it...

She walks around the room, coming closer. Perhaps she has noticed your coach's clothes, which she has taken off in a mess, almost in a hurry, and thrown on the floor outside the shower room. Mina, the eldest of the three sisters and a cleaning fiend, would probably be drawn to these clothes like a moth to a flame... Nevertheless; Mereo doesn't seem to care. Or she hasn't noticed. She is still busy spreading kisses on your shoulders, which slowly turn into tender bites and leave their mark. But as she moves, her hands also do. She now pinches your nipples with her thumb and forefinger, probably unintentionally. "Mereo... You can't do this to me. Not now..."

Almost desperately, you free yourself from her grip, grab her wrists and push her against the wall. But she seems to enjoy it. Her wide grin even reveals her fang. She doesn't know what that smile is doing to you. But maybe she senses it.

"Shhh...!" you look at her and listen through the splashing water.

She still stares at you with a mischievous grin. "I didn't know you could be so wild..."

"Mereoleona..." you sigh and look directly at her now. "You know how much I like you and I would not mind if you continue to make me feel your fingers not only on me but also inside me. But now is not the time! So... would you please stop and wait quietly until Mina is really gone?"

For a moment there is only the sound of the shower. Your friend's gaze had passed you by for a moment, but now she looks back at you with a meaningful grin, suppressing a small laugh. "I think you're the one who's been too loud..."

Your eyes widen and you turn bright red with foreboding. Slowly, Mereo still fixated on the tiled wall of the bathroom, you turn your head towards the door.

Mina, who is actually standing in the doorway with the clothes in her hand, looks at you in complete bewilderment. Her face is as red as yours. Completely shocked, she drops the stuff she had picked up. "Mina! I... I... It's not..." You try to explain yourself, letting go of Mereoleona's wrists as you move towards her.

But you don't know how to explain this. It's not what it looks like? You didn't really know what it is... Or maybe it's exactly what it looks like?

"It's all right, it's all right," the other young woman sounds almost hysterical. "It's my fault. It's my fault. I'll... I'll go back then. I didn't see anything... I'm sorry!"

"Wait!?" You shuffle towards the door, wanting to say something in your defence.

Only to watch Mina stumble hurriedly out of the changing room, when your potential girlfriend hugs you from behind again.

"You get used to the nudity. But..." Mereo's face cames closer to your ear. "Do you really want me to put my fingers inside you? We can continue right now if you want. We've scared off the little intruder."  She grins at you cheekily, almost defiantly.

"Please forget what I said..." With a pained look on your face, you push her away and leave the shower in shame.

[diagonal-queen]

Hey, I wasnt able to find rules for requests so Im assuming this is fine. May I have angst to fluff (comfort) for Sigma? Sigma got anxious or something happend and reader comforts him. Like gives him kisses and hugs and cookies, just the sweet stuff yk. He deserves it💕

i think sigma really does need some comfort after that elevator stunt...T-T also no this doesn't violate any of my rules at all! they can be found in my pinned post 🌸

Home Is Where the Heart Is

♡ pairing: Sigma x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: After a gruelling few weeks of work, Sigma is worn out and the only way he'll feel better is with your comfort.

♡ wc: 1.2k

♡ cw: Sigma has an anxiety attack.

note: This MIGHT be the last thing I post in a little while, because plague has befallen me (covid) and I fear I may be playing a game with death (my head hurts). Very sorry friends :< Apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Sensing the moods of others was essentially second nature to you by now. It was an ever-growing skill, disproportionately rocketing when you met and fell in love with Sigma (and became acquainted with his strange coworkers). You mostly used this ability when you needed to adjust your behaviour in the casino to maintain your boyfriend's professional reputation, but it had its other uses.

You understood that as the manager of a luxury casino, Sigma had his work laid out for him every waking hour of the day. There was seldom a period where he wasn't insanely busy. Though he was a strong man, you could tell when it weighed on him. Today was one of those days, in terrible transparency.

Sitting on your shared bed and scrolling your phone, you hadn't expected him to be back so soon. You'd returned after spending some free time in the casino with the assumption that you'd have a couple hours to yourself, which is why you were surprised when you saw Sigma burst through the door before slamming it behind him. Leaning against it and combing a hand through his hair, he let out a long, languid sigh.

You sat up, the movement causing his eyes to flicker towards you before widening.

"I didn't know you were in here," he gasped. You tilted your head.

"Are you alright?"

"...I..." Sigma straightened and wrung his hands together. "...it's fine."

"Hey, c'mon, it's clearly not. What happened, babe?" You asked, standing up and approaching him. "You look so worried."

Sigma didn't seem to want to meet your eyes, instead staring a hole into the ground with a concerned expression. He was clearly still focused on whatever had just happened outside.

"...Sigma?" You frowned, before blinking in realisation. You took him by the shoulders. "Look at me, Sigma." His silver eyes finally flickered up towards you, almost as if he were ashamed of his panic. "Come over here."

You took his hand and led him to your bed, where you two sat side by side. "Take a breath, and then talk to me, alright?"

Sigma slowly inhaled. "...it's the casino. And the Decay. Things are just really getting busy right now- which is fine, it's fine, but, uh...they're not going the way I anticipated. On top of that, I'm having more and more customer service issues, which distracts me from my other work, and then when I actually get to said other work I barely have time to complete it- let alone have any time to spend with you, and it's just..." He trailed off as his voice cracked.

You had actually noticed that Sigma had much less free time recently. He went to bed later and got out of bed earlier, and you had started feeling rather lonely. You knew that Sigma was busy and you didn't blame him, but at the same time you felt bad for not bringing it up with him. It seemed he could really have used your company.

"Sigma..." you started, "...c'mere." You pulled him into your arms and felt him return the hug instantly. He squeezed at your torso as if he hadn't felt your touch in ages.

"I'm sorry-"

"Take your time, Sigma," you encouraged him softly, as you carded your fingers through his hair. You felt his grip on you tighten, but he said nothing. His form was shaking slightly, and his breaths wavered as he appeared to be resisting the urge to cry.

You pat the back of his head as your other arm trailed down to his back to give it a comforting rub. His body was tense, you noticed. Sigma's fingers curled into your back as he let out a long sigh and buried his head into the crook of your neck.

"It's okay, honey," you said. "I've got you."

Sigma made a small noise, almost like a sob, before he pulled away from the embrace.

"...thank you for this," he told you, a tear finally spilling down his cheek. "Sometimes I just...all of this is overwhelming. I feel like I can't do anything."

"The both of us know, realistically, that that's not true, Sigma," you ran your thumbs over his knuckles. "There's nobody more dedicated to this casino than you. That's why you're the only person capable of managing it."

"...that's true, yes," he nodded, slowly. "Still, I can't help but feel like a fraud. I'm scared of the day that I'll be found out as someone...completely unremarkable."

"You're not unremarkable at all! You're such a special person, not just to me. Where would anyone in this place be without you? Where would the rest of the Decay be without you?" You asked, giving his hands a small shake. "You might feel like you're a nobody, but there's not another person who feels the same. Especially not me."

Sigma sniffed, before bowing his head with a smile. "You always know what to say, don't you?"

"I wouldn't say...normally. But when it comes to you, I just...I dunno. There's nothing that stops me from wanting to help you," you explained, feeling your face grow warm at the admission. Sigma seemed mildly surprised, before his face also turned red, probably more so than yours.

"You..." he began. "That's..."

"...something I got from you, I think," you finished, with a chuckle. Sigma tilted his head at you, eyes glistening.

"...you...mean that?" he whispered. You nodded, and his face broke into the sweetest smile. "...Y/N..."

"What?"

"...nothing. I love you." Sigma caressed your cheek and kissed you softly.

"I love you too, babe," you beamed, before raising your eyebrows. "Oh, here's an idea! We should have dinner together."

"...s-sorry?"

"Room service!" You suggested, in excitement. "We can chill out and spend the evening here together. You need a night off, Sigma."

"I don't think that'd be very beneficial to my workload, Y/N..." he muttered, rubbing his eyes. "...though I don't know even if I'd be able to get it done in this state, anyway."

"That's what I'm saying!" you insisted, standing up and approaching the phone on the wall. "I'll order for you while you get changed. What do you want? We can get dessert too- I'll get you some cookies. The real nice ones with salt sprinkled on the top, I know you like those."

Sigma watched speechlessly as you blabbered on during the process of making the call. It wasn't until you looked at him and insisted again that he change out of his work clothes that he nodded and stood up. Once he entered your shared wardrobe and closed the door behind him, he stood idle for a moment listening to your muffled voice on the phone, happily listing off your order that, if he weren't the manager, likely would have come with a hefty bill.

He let out an amused smile and loosened his tie, realising how much he was truly looking forward to the next few hours. There really was nobody quite like you to calm his anxiety and worries, and because of that he truly did consider you to be his respite. His home.

i loosely based this off a real scenario. and no, i wasn't in reader's position, i was in sigma's position lmao

[maxiemumdamage]

If it wasn’t clear I finally read Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes.

And I’m…mystified? By the criticisms of it which I had already seen plenty of before reading the actual book. Most complaints were about 1. pacing, 2. the POV character being a whiny brat/already evil, and 3. the overdramatic nature of everything. I’m not even gonna touch on that last thing, because people have always said it about the Hunger Games and it’s never been as true as they want it to be (the “Baby Bomb” in Catching Fire and Reaper’s moment with the flag come to mind, but there’s plenty of examples).

But like…I saw complaints that it took too long for the plot to pick up, but I was enthralled from the beginning. The ending was very harried and kinda rushed, sure, but that was also sort of the point — Coriolanus has a breakdown in the woods and in doing so goes past the point of no return with Lucy, so he returns to the Capitol and becomes the dictator we all know. It might've felt more jarring if I hadn't known that was how it would end, but...we all knew going in there was no way Coriolanus Snow and Lucy Gray Baird would run away and live in the woods together. Because before we ever knew Coryo, we knew President Snow. We knew where he'd end up.

I feel most of those complaints were rooted in the fact people always expect the Hunger Games books to be about...the Hunger Games. They view it like they're in the Capitol, like the Games themselves are the entertainment and focus and point of the story. They’re not, even when we’re reading about the creation of the Games as they became what they were in canon. The Games were never the point — it was about the people and world that created them. I went in expecting a post-war climate, and the saga of how a clever, manipulative young man worked his way into power, and as such I was immensely satisfied. This is about Snow becoming the cruel person we know, with some of his worst qualities being there from minute one and others taking time to be built or reinforced.

My biggest gripe is the romance. Yep, SnowBaird, the huge draw for every TikTok Songbirds and Snakes movie fan, just felt so out of place to me when it happened in the book. Lucy just got out of a romantic relationship that bit her in a truly spectacular fashion. But ok, sure. She's desperate, pretty much completely alone, and Coriolanus is very kind and supportive in his actions and she can't hear his self-serving and obnoxious internal monologue.

Coriolanus, though...I never understood why he seemed to be in love with her. He has a grudging almost-respect for Lucy Gray that he doesn't give anyone else, but I figured that was more because she demonstrated her cunning and talents where he could dismiss most others. She’s a performer, she’s got talent and poise, she’s forced to win people over (like him! (it’s not. his life never depended on it in the violent and final way hers did)).

And maybe it was necessary, that Snow thinks he’s in love. Because it’s at the core of the possessiveness, the jealousy, that colors so many of his interactions with Lucy. He has to be in love, so we can assign meaning or justifications to his actions. And then he tidily betrays everyone he supposedly loved, and it becomes clearer he’s only ever cared about himself.

And in general, I rarely understand romantic plots. And especially here, the point isn’t romance. It’s trust. Trust Coriolanus fails to extend to practically everyone, and it’s ultimately why he can’t make a better choice than to run back to the Capitol and Gaul.

[kariachi]

Some thoughts on improving the Rooters Arc

The Plumbers Helpers are not involved ('hey, I know, how about we take half our non-white recurring cast and make them victims of kidnapping, brainwashing, illegal experimentation, and child soldiering by the authorities' how about fucking no)

We get new characters to be Kevin's old team, maybe toss the experimentation entirely or mostly in favor of making them already be from a range of species, maybe even natural hybrids (especially since the original plan for the Rooters seems to be for them to have been from a range of species, this could play more with that)

If you wanna keep the hybridization experiments, have it mostly be the adults with the hybridization being used as a carrot under kids' noses (something something further emphasis on Servantis's view of Kevin as a tool even as he convinces him they're partners in crime)

To facilitate using primarily new characters we replace a lot of flashbacks with a dedicated episode between Rooters of All Evil and Weapon XI showcasing a chunk of Kevin's time with the group (make this a middlepoint, then you can keep the final flashback an Argit-focused and narrated one to keep the vibes between them there)

Some sort of tidbit as to why Argit is alone in a cage (even in canon, why is he the only donor seemingly left, and here especially without the hybridizations why is one of the children being kept in a cage isolated from the others)

Put more emphasis on the fact that Servantis is not doing what he's doing because he's worried about what Ben can do, but because he wants an army that's been as brainwashed as you can get without having to deal with the real delicate and labor intensive tiny children and doesn't want the hero getting in the way (I am tired of people ignoring that in favor of 'oh but he had a point' no he didn't you just didn't pay any fucking attention)

Lean harder into the Plumbers' part in this, seriously how am I expected to believe that one of their groups was sending children to attack various bases and nobody knew? It just so happens that the Magistrata completely ignores the victims, grabs all the evidence, fucks off with an 'oh yeah we're leaving you here as punishment', and it never gets mentioned again? Yeah no, stronger implications of collusion damnit

More solid information on what was done with these kids' heads, because in the original there's implications of sleeper agents and changes made to facilitate that but nothing's ever done with that so we can't actually know- give us answers

Also clarify since when he can't read Kevin's mind- canon is ambiguous on if that's an old or new trait and no more

Osmosians stay. Servantis fucked with Kevin's backstory for Villain Reasons but he is a hybrid and always has been- whether what's going on there gets clarified later is a whole other can of worms

There's fucking aftermath to the while mess, it doesn't just get forgotten as soon as the immediate issue is dealt with- we get an episode dealing with the changes in dynamics resulting from people's heads getting unfucked with, lingering discomfort between Kevin and Ben (because you know Ben would have been harder on people he didn't know turning on him, while Kevin would have understood and felt responsible for them)

The rest of OV shows a steady decline in the younger set's relations with the Plumbers- from Ben and Rook to the Plumbers Helpers- as a result of the revelations of the arc ending in them abandoning the organization

[starry-blue-echoes]

Jotaro in Italy x Behind Closed Doors Dio has been operating under the assumption that Giorno died young or went missing for whatever reason for several years, but he gets a call from Jotaro one day. Jotaro: "Hey, Uncle Dio, I just found out that one of your sons is alive and in Italy." Dio: "...Oh shIT, FOR REAL!?" The issue is that, despite his best efforts, Jotaro can't ever seem to keep Bruno's group in one place long enough for Dio to catch up, and so Dio's stuck having to follow what amounts to a trail of crumbs that Jotaro's left behind because it's the best that he could manage while not also losing track of Giorno.

DFVJDFJVDJVD Y E S

Dio's at home with his three kiddos and living his best life watching them grow up only then Jotaro gives him a call that he apparently has a FOURTH kid who he never knew about. He immediately calls whoever he can so he can have someone watch them and is off to Italy as fast as he can

naturally, he gets very frustrated when they refuse to stay still

and for a bit of fun...... what if when he finally catches up they'd just managed to escape from the Boss. Dio shows up after tailing them for ages, and while he does see his son...... there's no Jotaro

Dio honestly didn't need any previous incentive to fight Diavlo once he realized the man attacked his son, but learning the asshole nearly killed Jotaro as well? yeah Dio's ready to go on a fucking rampage

Dio's ridiculous strength and abilities are going to be a HUGE point in the Bucci Gang's favor, and maybe the guy can even give Bucciarati some of that Vampire Juice so the man can stick around. Sure not being able to go in the sun sucks, but at least he's still here :D

also just. When everything's over Dio and Giorno sitting down for a long talk. Dio saying how it was his own fault for not being there and if Giorno hated him for that he understood. How Giorno was old enough to decide what kind of relationship he wanted with him, and no matter what choice he made Dio would respect it. He expresses that as much as he wants to be in Giorno's life, what Giorno wants is even more important. He doesn't need to make the decision now, and the boy can always change his mind, but Dio wants it to be clear that no matter what happens he will always love Giorno

Giorno had always dreamed about what his father could be like. And Dio....... well, by this moment alone, by the complete respect of his boundaries, Giorno knows Dio has fulfilled most of those wishes

Just. I want these two to be able to be happy together god damnit

[faustinio27]

I'm going to ramble a bit about Natsai and Faustine's last quest against Harlow.

First, I finished this quest after the main one. After Faustine saved Hogwarts, massacred Rockwood's camp and himself, Ranrok and his loyalists, avoided death and loose Fig. In other words, she remains unstable during this period. Although her peak of rage has passed, and the death of her mentor has plunged her into deep grief and depression, she keeps this anger deep in her heart.

Natsai wants to finish Harlow off on her own, as she feels Faustine is already at her wits' end and should avoid fighting for a while. But she decides to talk to her about it, as she doesn't want to do it behind her back, as it's a quest they've started together. But when Faustine finds out, she insists on following Natsai. Although recovering, she refuses to let her friend face an enemy without being at her side to protect her. Natsai tries to convince her otherwise, but nothing works, and she finally gives in.

Then comes the battle against the last followers of Rockwood and Harlow. Natsai and Faustine come through without too much trouble, after all the enemies they've faced together so far. What's more, the group of dark wizards is only weakened by the death of their leader.

Then comes the fight against Harlow. Two against one, the fight doesn't last long. Faustine uses all the ancient magic she's accumulated from her previous battles to unleash it against him. But she refrains from killing him as she did Rockwood, because this time she's accompanied by Natsai. While they think he's defeated, neither of them pays any attention. Out of pride or overconfidence, they think that this time it's all over. Tiredness catches up with Faustine, who no longer has a drop of the ancient magic left in her. None of them thought he'd cast the pain spell on Faustine.

Natsai was the first to realize this and took the blow instead of Faustine, who was much faster in her gazelle form.

As the griffindor collapsed to the floor in agony, time seemed to stand still. Faustine sees Fig's lifeless body instead of that of her friend. Terrified that the same thing had happened to her. That she had lost a second loved one in such a short space of time. As if the whole world wanted to take away from her what she holds most dear in the world. She hears Natsai's mother screaming her name and running towards her. Faustine doesn't react when she sees her, doesn't wonder why she's there. Guilt and anger surge through the student, a sly, cold rage. Just when she'd want to do something, anything, she feels she has no ancient magic left in her. So the first spell that comes naturally to her, as she turns to a sneering Harlow, is the death spell. An unforgivable, fatal spell that she has never used, never needed to use, but which burns her lips as she twirls her wand above her head.

Just as she's about to cast it, a voice behind her casts the expelliarmus spell, which intercepts her wand and knocks it further away. Faustine, enraged, turns around to discover the auror Ruth Singer casting an immobilization spell on the dark wizard. With one look, Faustine understood that the auror wanted to prevent her from committing the unforgivable. Natsai's cries of pain brought her back to reality. She runs to join her, but doesn't dare get too close as her mother cradles her in her arms, crying. Guilt hits her hard. Once again, she hadn't been strong enough to save her friend.

Although Natsai will get over it, and neither she nor her mother hold a grudge against the Ravenclaw girl, she can't forgive herself. If she hadn't made the promise to Professor Fig, she'd have gone back to retrieve Isidora's magic deposit. So she promised herself she'd become stronger in another way, with her own ancient magic. So that no one could ever again attack her family.

After Hogwarts, the two students will train together to become Aurors, and will becoming one. It's Natsai who will see Faustine's resentment deepen every time she goes on a mission. And Faustine will always refuse to join forces with Natsai on missions, knowing that she would spend more time watching over her to protect her than doing her duty. Which tends to annoy her, since she too is an Auror. Eventually, she'll help Faustine realize that this path isn't for her, because this resentment consumes her too much and become unhealthy.

[flowerish-cherry-blue]

book review: sputnik sweetheart by haruki murakami | 1999

summary:

sumire is in love with a woman seventeen years her senior. but whereas miu is glamorous and successful, sumire is an aspiring writer who dresses in an oversized second-hand coat and heavy boots like a character in a kerouac novel.

sumire spends hours on the phone talking to her best friend k. about the big questions in life: what is sexual desire, and should she ever tell miu how she feels for her? meanwhile k. wonders whether he should confess his own unrequited love for sumire.

then, a desperate miu calls from a small greek island: sumire has mysteriously vanished...

my opinion:

first of all, i will say that i liked sputnik sweetheart much better than kafka on the shore. the plot itself isn't bad if you consider it separately from the love line, which is kind of crazy here. sumire is a person who thinks she wants one thing, when in fact she purely morally can't get near it. miu tries to ignore her past. and k. tries to get over her feelings for sumire while trying to at least remain her friend. this isn't the first time murakami has brought up the subject of split personalities, it feels like he firmly believes that we can be split in half in the literal sense, and one half will live its posh life while another sit in a corner somewhere

sumire tries to write her own novel throughout the book, and the way her worldview changes shows that this may not be what she should be going for. always when we meet new people, they have a strong influence on us, which is what happened when the girl met miu. under the influence of her feelings, she comes to a new awareness of what she's doing, and i don't think that's a bad thing, because it shows that she's still developing as a character. but honestly, probably my favorite character in this book is k. he, despite his feelings for sumire, understands that they can't make it work, and so appreciates their friendship. but at the same time, while he still has some hope, i don't really like that he's starting a relationship with his pupil's mother, it doesn't seem quite right to me. however, no one called him a one-love man, had someone?

the plot development is pretty good, although Ii honestly never understood two things:

• what the twist with sumire's disappearance in greece was for, whether she was actually on the island or got into the reality of the second miu, remained unclear to me.

• the scene with k.'s pupil, how much chance is there that this boy is acting this way because he is also bifurcated? what if murakami wanted to show that absolutely everyone, adult or child, is subject to bifurcation? that's only worth speculating about.

so what we have here is a bit of a detective book, with a love line that is a mess, since no one got anywhere, and except for miu, everyone is a loner with undifferentiated feelings.

sputnik sweetheart is a really good read, especially in its genre, as i said, personally in my opinion, it is better than even kafka on the shore, despite all the complexity of explaining the nature of the relationship itself and what love is, comparing people's relationships to a satellite's, and the atmosphere of loneliness the author conveyed, it is just amazing.

my rating:

3.9/5

«sputnik … ?»

«the name of a literary movement. you know—how they classify writers in various schools of writing. like shiga naoya was in the white birch school.»

finally it dawned on sumire. «beatnik!»

miu lightly dabbed at the corner of her mouth with a napkin.

«beatnik—sputnik. i never can remember those kinds of terms.»

[cutielando]

win | g.r.

synopsis: in which he finally gets a win

my masterlist

Waiting for your first win ever was excruciating.

Going into every race thinking it might be the one and then slowly losing hope as the race would progress, realizing there was even more waiting in store before it would happen.

That's how George felt.

He had been in Formula 1 for quite some years now, but his win seemed nowhere near happening. He was slowly losing hope, getting used to the idea that he wouldn't win a race in the near future.

His family kept reassuring him that his time would come, but George's faith in himself left his body with each race that passed.

You knew how frustrating it must be, seeing all the drivers around you consistently getting wins and you struggling to get just one.

It was tough on someone's mind, it would ruin their thinking.

You, however, didn't let yourself think like that. He had been so close to winning so many times, you could feel it in your bones that his win was approaching with fast steps.

And oh, how right you were.

♡♡♡♡♡

Silverstone was a fan-favorite track on the F1 calendar for the fans, but it was even more special to both George and you.

You met at Silverstone, you started attending every race after it and became George's good luck charm, it was his home race and the UK was home for the both of you.

Plenty of reasons that supported your certainty that George would get his win at Silverstone.

He had been a nervous wreck all weekend, aware of how much the track meant for everyone, including you and his family, and he wanted to perform well.

"Baby, can you calm down? You're stressing yourself out for nothing" you had tried calming him down at your apartment in the morning before he had to get to the circuit.

He had barely slept, didn't want to eat anything ahead of the day and had been pacing all around the apartment since the moment he opened his eyes.

"I can't. Don't you realize how much is at stake here? I can't disappoint everyone again and not win this one. I'm going to be a failure and everybody will hate me" your heart broke when you heard George talk about himself so poorly.

You quickly got up and jumped in front of him, finally making him come to a halt and stop pacing around.

"You listen to me, Georgie. Nobody is going to hate you if you don't win today. I know you think they will, but they won't. Their support and love for you doesn't depend on whether or not you get a win today or in the next race. You're still young, baby, you have so much time to show the potential and talent you have, so many great years ahead of you. Your win will come at the right time. Please don't be so hard on yourself, I hate seeing you talk so badly about yourself" 

He bit his lip but nodded, kissing you on the forehead before bringing you in for a hug.

"I'm sorry for being like this. I just want to make you and our families proud" his voice was muffled slightly because he had buried his face in your hair, but you understood him nonetheless.

"We're proud of you no matter what. We just want you to have fun and be safe. If you end up winning, we'll cheer you on. If you don't end up winning, we'll still cheer you on. We'll love you no matter what" you stood on your tiptoes and pressed your lips against his, silence sealing the promise that you would love him no matter what.

It was all he had needed to hear, his body slowly relaxing under his touch.

And it was also all he had needed to hear to motivate him to win today.

♡♡♡♡♡

You had never seen George drive so well. 

From the moments the lights had gone out, he had been driving like his life depended on it. He was overtaking like it was second nature, battling for position with Lewis before the team had ultimately made the decision to switch cars because George was faster, racing Max for the first place like he had never before.

The whole garage was on the edge of their seats, staring at the screens with anticipation.

It wasn't until George had overtaken Max and crossed the checkered flag first that the chaos and celebrations had really begun.

Engineers high-fiving each other, shaking hands and screaming in delight, you and George's parents hugging in a corner away from the madness.

You hadn't even realized you had been crying until Alison had wiped off your tears, laughing when you noticed that she had been crying too.

As you walked out of the garage with the rest of George's team and waited for him to return to the pitlane, you couldn't help the excitement flowing through your veins.

All the sweat, the tears, the bad races, the bad strategies, the hopes and dreams of being a Formula 1 Grand Prix winner had finally paid off.

George had officially become a race winner.

And you couldn't be more proud of him.

When you saw his car approaching and parking in front of Number 1, you felt more tears run down your cheeks as you observed him getting out of the car. 

The moment his helmet had come off, his eyes were searching for you in the crowd. When he spotted you, he gave his helmet to one of his engineers and quickly jumped over the barriers, scooping you up in his arms and twirling you around.

"You did it!" you exclaimed in his ear, holding onto his body tightly.

"I did it for you" he said, kissing your neck before putting you down.

"I'm so proud of you, my love. You can't even understand" you said as you held his face in your hands, running your fingers through his damp hair.

"I couldn't have done it without your support" he said before leaning down and kissing you, smiling a little when you both head his team wolf-whistle behind you.

As you stood there in the pitlane embracing each other, celebrating his first ever win, you knew that you would overcome everything life would throw at you together.

The win didn't just belong to George.

It was a win for both of you.

Yours.

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[healing-elle]

The thing about healing

I always imagined it a certain way: some empowering song playing in the background as I went into battle. Lots of tears. Fighting until exhaustion and then fighting some more. Screaming and shouting. Exposing every abuser for what they got away with until they were all behind bars or taken out by the loud mob. I thought it would be so consuming and impossible to get through without drowning in guilt and shame from the memories of what happened.

But it couldn't be any different from what I feared for so long.

Like the quiet that follows after the loud crash of the waves: it is the purest calm I have ever known. No noise, no anxious heartbeat, no harsh words or memories of abuse from them because they do not exist anymore.

Because that is what real peace offers.

Freedom, truth, and love.

And those things, as with all things good and worth fighting for in this one precious life, are simple by nature.

Love is simple. Truth is simple. Freedom is simple.

And anyone desperately hell-bent on trying to convince you otherwise is probably not someone with the best intentions (to put it mildly).

Love should not hurt. Truth shouldn't require so many rehearsed explanations and manipulations of information. Freedom should actually feel like freedom. Extra space in the cage on a good day is not freedom, no matter how many times you've been told to believe it over the course of your life.

I was diagnosed with PTSD and panic disorder right before my 19th birthday exactly 14 years ago. One of my abusers tried to manipulate my team into misdiagnosing me in order to deflect from the trauma I had endured at their hands. Being diagnosed with PTSD means you talk about the trauma, and they did not want that. Thankfully, my team saw right through it and, when we were alone and away from my abusers, they told me that I needed to get as far away from "those people" as possible. They said that 'family" did not do these things and that I would never heal my panic attacks and other symptoms if these abusers were still in my life. But that's the thing about abusers -- they will never, ever let you go without a fight.

In the past 7 years, I have been able to safely cut out about 90 percent of these people. I've had to leave all social media, basically hide my identity, leave a career that kept me in a very public role, move multiple times, and take a complete break from having a "normal" social life while I regroup and create as many safety plans as possible in case they try to find me through someone who doesn't know the backstory.

Before I moved away from my trauma therapist, she told me to invent a new story. I remember thinking, "That is so strange -- that sounds like living a lie? Why would she ever recommend that?" And the thing is, she didn't just recommend it, she said it was both required and essential. Even with everything I have done to create a safe space away from my abusers, I never quite understood how to do that. Maybe it comes from being raised Catholic (though I left the Church in 2018), but it seemed like lying for a very long time. Until now.

Now I see what she was referring to and why she offered this as her final words to me on my send off:

The original story was the lie I was forced to repeat from birth -- and it will always have zero truth to it. It is far more of a lie to repeat what my abusers forced me to say about our life than to speak the truth about their double lives, abuses of power, sociopathy, covert narcissism, and religious abuse. But, as my therapist noted, I don't need to relive the specific traumatic events forever. I don't need to talk about it or share it to people (especially when some of those people will study it to repeat the abuse and make me their new target, as I've had to learn the hard way many times over).

The truth is, I am an only child without parents or any extended family. As my therapist would say, "You are on your own, but then again, you always have been. Imagine what you survived alone as a child without anyone to protect you. But that's just it -- you did survive. No matter the obstacle, you survived. Now you are the adult you needed as a child, and you should be so proud of who that person is -- because she is a fighter who never gave up."

And while I am forever grateful for the army of guardian angels that have always watched over me, I am beyond ready for my life to be about so much more than "surviving" and cultivating resilience.

I've had to file multiple police reports, so I know how to do that. I've had to meet with various lawyers and district attorneys and learn my rights, so I know how to do that. I've had to look into changing my name and identity in the event that they find me and things escalate again, so I know how to do that. I have a binder of safety plans and emergency response strategies for all possible situations. I am as prepared as I'll ever be.

The last little piece to all of this, before I can really "start" my new life and just have a life again, though it sounds so superficial, involves losing this weight. As I am documenting here, I am currently in the process of losing nearly half of my body weight (i.e., armor) which I can only hope will make me unrecognizable to my abusers if they hire PIs again. The abuse was always less severe when I was heavier, so it became my armor in more than one way. My body has suffered so much at their hands and even in my coping strategies just to survive them. I want to honor my body and give it the best from here on out. I refuse to spend the rest of my life living in fight or flight mode. Those days are over.

It's just wild...

I never thought I would actually get away. Maybe every cult survivor feels like this to some extent. I broke the cage door and finally gave myself permission to walk through it.

And now that I'm here, far enough away on the outside, I will never look back.

[chaos-in-the-making]

YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND

****

The sun created a heavy scent of wildflowers in the air that mixed with fresh grass, an unmistakable smell of summer. It was a rare quiet afternoon, and the pair of human wives were collecting herbs and flowers, depending on their mood, while Inuyasha lounged in the shade, surrounded by the remnants of their meal. It was an impromptu picnic, driven by Rin's desire to spent time with her sister in law as they discussed their ever changing pregnancy symptoms. Inuyasha was there because he couldn't stand Kagome being out of his sight for more than ten minutes in her vulnerable state. The sound of their laughter was relaxing in the afternoon warmth.

He was only just starting to doze off when his nose alerted him to a new presence, and hos shoulders briefly tensed.

"Is this blanket large enough for two?"

Sesshoumaru's voice was low and unthreatening, and before Inuyasha could even think about the implications he shrugged and said "sure."

The large demon settled like a cloud on the other side, tucking his arms into his sleeves like a damn noble. Inuyasha waited for something to happen. For Rin to notice her husband and come skipping over. But the women were engrossed in their task, bent over a clump of wildflowers with their backs to the trees. The minutes stretched on, with just a hint of awkwardness between them.

Finally Sesshoumaru broke the silence. "Is your wife feeling better in the mornings?"

Your wife. Sesshoumaru rarely used names, but still the title gave Inuyasha a flushed sensation in his chest.

"Huh? Mornings? Oh! Y-yes, she's much better. Rin told you she was having a hard time, right?" A single grunt was the only answer. "Of course! Yeah. I'm glad kagome can keep more than broth down. Kaede said she's finally gaining weight."

Sesshoumaru nodded in acknowledgement, then they fell into silence, the kind that made Inuyasha itchy. His brother had actually expressed interest. What should he do? What was the right response?

"Uh... h-how about Rin? She seems like she's got more energy."

Was it his imagination, or did Sesshoumaru sigh with relief?

"I thought she would sleep forever," the older man replied. His gaze was soft on the two women in the field. "It is good to see her outside once more."

Inuyasha understood the sentiment. Watching Kagome be sick for two months straight had been agony. They lapsed once more into silence, but it was more relaxed than before. Inuyasha leaned back on his palms, finding it strange how natural it felt with Sesshoumaru close by.

After a while the demon shifted his weight ever so slightly. "Does your wife have... strange tastes?"

Inuyasha blinked as his awareness returned. "Huh? Strange tastes in what?"

"Food, primarily. Rin has been requesting goats milk for some time now. Then she demands sweet rice. Is this a womanly trait?"

Inuyasha barked a laugh. "Yeah, Kagome gets those cravings, too. Only its worse for me, because she wants snacks from the future that she can't get here. A week ago she was crying because she wanted ramen, and last night she was weepy for ice cream." God, he missed ice cream.

Sesshoumaru tilted his head at the strange words, but accepted the explanation. "There is ice on the north mountains that does not melt. Would that satisfy her?"

Inuyasha bolted up straight. "You would do that? Bring back some ice before it melts?"

"Jaken will have it done."

Inuyasha leapt to his feet, excited at the prospect of giving Kagome a taste of home. "I'll trade for some sugar and ask Sango for some cow's milk! If you bring enough ice we can make different flavors for Kagome and Rin! What's her favorite fruit?"

Sesshoumaru thought for only a second. "Melon."

"HA! Those are in season. You grab the ice, I'll grab the rest. If Kagome doesn't kiss us both for this, I'll be a monkey's uncle!"

Sesshoumaru wrinkled his nose at the thought of the miko being so familiar with his body. Rin's touch was all he needed. Even so, he stood up to seek out his vassal and deliver the precious ice.

Whatever the women wanted, the husbands would provide.

Imagining Inuyasha and Sesshomaru sitting and actually having a nice civil conversation but it’s because they’re talking about their human wifeys