#THE THING IS! I FUCKING LOVE VEGETABLES!! THAT LITERALLY PROVES IT'S NOT PEOPLE JUST THROWING HISSY FITS !!!!

[dan-crimes]

I gotta complain abt being a picky eater here for a sec cuz I'm lookin @ all this stuff on the breakfast menu and there's always the SAME ingredients in all these SAME food items and it would be SO much easier if I could just order food without having to think of all the stuff I DON'T want on my food cuz I always gotta put in so much effort to look into every single ingredient in every since food item that I order bcuz I DON'T LIKE MOST FOODS !!! SMHH !!

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Not What It’s Cracked Up To Be ch.5 (baon)

Summary: Edge and Stretch are finally getting back on an even keel. Edge’s broken leg is healing well, Spring is finally here and the flowers are close to blooming.

Be a shame if anything disturbed their domestic bliss.

Tags:  Spicyhoney, Kustard, Established Relationships, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Fluff, Chickens, Depression

Notes: As a heads up, this chapter includes a depiction of depression.

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

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Read Chapter 5 on AO3

or

Read it here!

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Before Edge was willing to leave the house on what was likely a fool’s errand, he went back upstairs to peek in on Stretch. It was difficult to tell what was going on beneath the tangle of the blankets, but he seemed to be more relaxed from his tight, fetal curl of earlier. Probably sleeping and that was good.

Back in Underfell, his brother’s supposedly laziness used to drive him mad, but coming to the surface world brought a few humbling realizations. Depression was exhausting and so was low HP, and he no longer questioned the need for plenty of rest from any of those he cared about.

A closer inspection showed the blankets rising and falling in even rhythm, deep, slow breaths and Edge let out a near-silent, relieved sigh of his own, hoping that Stretch came out of the other side of sleep at least a little improved.

Edge hesitated at the bedside, wondering if he should leave a note. He decided against it. Stretch had his phone, he could text if he needed anything. Enough dithering about, whatever it was that Red was dragging him out of the house for must be at least a little important, the cameras Edge knew were hidden outside their house surely showed him what happened last night and—

Edge went stock-still on his way out the bedroom door, his hand still on the doorknob as suspicion along with sudden anger welled up in his soul. He closed the door with care and with slow deliberation, he pulled his phone out of his pocket to send a curt text back to his brother, Tell me what this is about.

No response and just as he was about to shove his phone back into his pocket came, awful slow these days, bro. hurry up and you can see for yourself.

His phone creaked in his hand and Edge forcibly loosened his grip, shoving it back into his pocket before he could give in to the childish urge to throw it against a wall. It wouldn’t change a thing except give him the extra headache of being without a phone until he could get a replacement. Red would have his fun and there wasn’t an angry text message in existence that would change that. There was only one way for his niggling suspicions to be confirmed and that was to play the game.

But he would have a thing or three to say once they were done, of that he was certain. Edge snagged his keys on the way out the door and headed out to his car.

The address Red sent him wasn’t more than a ten-minute drive to the mostly abandoned neighborhoods of Old New Home. As he pulled up to the abandoned lot, Red stepped out of a shortcut on the curb, hands in his pockets and his semi-permanent grin wide.

It set Edge’s emotions into a roiling conflict. On one hand, he was very annoyed with his brother, verging on furious if this turned out the way he suspected, and on the other…

On the other, the last time he’d seen his brother, it had started with him lying on Edge’s kitchen floor, bleeding out in his arms, and ended with Sans carrying him away. He looked tired, but that was more normal than not with Red.

Interesting to note that he was not wearing a matching collar to Sans, which meant either Sans had no idea what a single collar relationship symbolized, or he knew all too well and Edge wasn’t taking that thought any further. Brotherly concern was one thing, but he was not interesting in knowing the minute details of their relationship, so long as they were happy.

Speaking of happiness, Red’s grin was practically gleeful as Edge got out of the car. “awful slow, there, bro. gimp leg holding you back?”

“Shut up,” Edge said automatically, even as he limped over with cane in hand, “and start telling me why you dragged me out here.”

The mocking pout was all the more disturbing for being on Red’s face. “what, no hug?”

“I’d attempt it to prove a point,” Edge told him dryly, “but I have enough injuries without you literally stabbing me in the back. What. Do. You. Want.”

Red only shook his head, sighing as if with deep disappointment, ah, he was in a cheerful mood, wasn’t he. “all those years of you harping on manners and i ain’t even getting a how’s it going, how you been feeling, looking a lot better without all your marrow leakin’ out. no love at all, boss?”

If he wanted to play, Edge did still remember the rules. “Very well. How is Sans doing? He looked well when he brought me your report the other day. Is he taking care of any more of your work?”

That smile slipped a fraction. “he’s doin’ fine.”

Edge only looked at him, brow bone raised. If Red wasn’t going to discuss the elephant in the room, Edge would be more than happy to allow it to step on his foot. “I’m only asking as the Director of Operations, literally your boss, as you so enjoy pointing out. I’m sure you understand that it’s important for me to know what work my people are handling. In case there are any liabilities.”

That wide grin turned faintly wry, Red’s crimson eye lights gleaming his amusement. “yeah, fuck you, boss. he’s doin’ real good. decided for some dumbass reason he needs to move in. stupid fucking cat is having a fit.”

“Ah, yes, fuck you, only the very best comeback in your arsenal for me, I’m sure. And I can’t even begin to imagine why he’d want to move into that garbage pit you call a home.” Edge crossed his arms over his chest, glaring down at his brother. “All right, you’ve had your fun. Now, where is she?”

Red barked out a laugh. “oh, very good, little brother, already figured it out, didja.”

“Your puzzles haven’t improved since Junior Jumble, it was not that difficult.”

“not for you.” As far as he was out of his childhood years, hearing that rare tinge of pride in his brother’s voice still made him want to preen. Edge squashed the urge, following as Red jerked his head towards overgrown field behind him. “come on.”

The terrain would have been aggravating even with two perfectly working legs. Having one that sent up threatening warning twinges with every step made it all the worse and the soil was loose and muddy, hard for feet and the tip of his cane. Grimly, Edge follow his brother through the hip-deep weeds, taking sour enjoyment in the fact that they were nearly above his brother’s head.

“she was a bitch and a half to find, i tell you what,” Red said conversationally, shoving his way through the vegetation. Edge supposed he should be grateful Red hadn’t either gone all-out jungle trekking and brought a machete or worse, offered to shortcut them, if only to force Edge to refuse. The very thought of taking one of Red’s shortcuts made his gorge rise. His brother tromped on obliviously, or at least giving a remarkable appearance of it, “this little gal has some tricks. little chickie crossed a lotta roads to get here.”

“Care to explain how you even knew how to look for her?” Edge asked sardonically and it was just as well Red wasn’t looking at him, because Edge couldn’t hide his surprise when he answered.

“sure. i was the reason she was missing to begin with.”

Edge stopped, “What? What the fuck does that mean?!”

“keep your hair on, you want me to explain or not?” Red kept moving and after a moment, Edge followed him, hands clenched into painful fists to keep from reaching out and strangling him. All that would do was waste time and amuse Red all the more, and Edge was trying to keep his contributions to his brother’s sense of humor at a minimum. “motion sensor went off at your place in the wee hours last night.”

“Motion sensors that you are not supposed to have.”

“huh, strange thing,” Red mused aloud, “don’t remember anyone sayin’ i couldn’t.”

“I didn’t think I had to!”

“anywho, went over to check it out.” He paused, swearing under his breath as he picked several dried-up thistles from his jacket without even bothering to flick any in Edge’s direction and utterly ignoring Edge’s visibly simmering impatience. “and i saw some kinda animal with too much fur and not enough feathers to be in your coop. your little lady was outside in the fenced area and close to bein’ a midnight snack. so i scooped her up, but before i could deal with the toothy lil’ problem, your liability came swooping in like a fucking bare-ass bat out of hell, firing bones every which way. i shortcutted out before he could turn me into a kabob. didn’t really mean to take her along for the ride, but i didn’t exactly have a wide selection of options.” Red craned his head to look over his shoulder slyly, “’least the view wasn’t bad. he musta felt me getting ready to clean house and hightailed it down. honey bun has pretty good reaction time. better'n yours."

Edge ignored that. “And you didn’t bring her back afterward because?

Red only shrugged. “couldn’t. she weaseled her way loose the second we hit grass again and took off. spent half the night and all morning lookin’ for the little fucker. once i figured out where she was holed up, i messaged you.”

Edge exhaled slowly, struggling with his temper. “And why didn’t you simply tell me all this earlier? Stretch is sitting at home mourning her and you—"

“and if it turned out she got hit by a car or some shit?” Red countered sharply, “really wanted to go there? figured it’d be better to make sure she had her feathers intact before i got his hopes all up.”

That was surprisingly valid as excuses went, and yet, “You could have told me! At the very least I could have helped you search!”

“think so, little brother?” Red looked at him with enough scorn that Edge had to suppress a flinch, “or you think maybe you woulda told stretch, try and cheer him up a bit? i wanted you to look her over, make sure she's all right first, but hey, you go on and call him right now if that’s what you think is better.”

Edge ground his teeth and said nothing. All the arguing in the world couldn’t make Red understand that this might have been the last thin, straw that broke the back between Stretch and a very dark day. His brother coped with his issues in much different ways, in Edge’s experience usually copious amounts of alcohol. Perhaps Sans would have been able to explain it better. Or perhaps he would have already given in and slapped Red upside the head, it was a fair chance either way.

They kept up through the tall grass. It shushed around them in the light breeze, that rustle the only sound, surrounding them, and his car growing small and distant behind them. Red was panting when they came to a small clearing, leaning over with his hands braced on his knees as he panted out, “here we are.”

There, sitting happily in a trodden down area of grass, was Nugget. She cackled out a greeting, loud in the muffling hush of the grass, but concerningly she didn’t move when normally she would be dancing flirtatiously around Edge’s legs.

“Is she hurt?” Edge demanded. He reached for her, ready to carry her back to the car and straight to a veterinarian.

Red scratched at the back of his skull, “see, that’s the thing—”

Before Edge could pick her up, she let out a warning screech and tried to peck at his hands. He snatched them back, staring down at her in bemused shock.

“—she seems to be in a mood of some sort,” Red finished, “can’t figure it out, she ain’t bleeding and she hadta walk all the way over here on her own. i woulda brought her back to your place when i found her, but she was pretty insistent on stayin’ right there.”

Baffled, Edge ran a Check on her, ignoring how ridiculous it seemed to do on a chicken. Her HP was fine, and he thought it better not to question why she had a LV of 2. “She doesn’t seem hurt.”

He reached out again cautiously, ignoring her pinching little beak attacks against his gloves, and lifted her up. Beneath her, the grass was torn up and arranged into a sort of nest and inside it—

Red crouched down to peer into it, mouth twisting crookedly. “huh. where you figure she got the golf balls?”

“I have no idea.” Standing in a field questioning the intentions of a chicken was not where Edge ever expected to find himself.

Red reached in and pinched a small, white object between two sharpened fingertips, lifting it up from the pile to inspect it despite Nuggets increasingly loud squalls of betrayal. “there’s one egg, anyway. least she’s still layin’ for you.”

Tucking Nugget against his side to stop her squirms, Edge only stared at it, perplexed, and said slowly, “That isn’t one of her eggs. Nugget’s eggs are a pale green.”

“huh.” Red set it back gently into the pile of grass and golf balls, and scrubbed hand over his face. “lemme get this straight. your little mini liability found a random egg in a pile of golf balls and decided to settle in and play momma? that’s what we think’s happenin’ here?”

“Would you like me consult my crystal ball? I don’t speak chicken and you’re the one whose been spying on them.” Nugget was getting increasingly difficult to hold and her forlorn and angry cries were either too heartrending or too annoying for Red to ignore. He heaved a sigh, shaking his head.

“hang on to the little shit,” Red ordered, even as he stepped sideways into a shortcut. Leaving Edge alone in the tall grass with an increasingly distraught chicken.

“Hush, hush, come on now,” Edge soothed, gentle petting what he could reach of her feathers. Her loud clucks dissolved into unhappy coos, looking up at Edge with mournfully beady little eyes. How was this his life, Edge wondered, with weary amusement, catering to the whims of a bird that once he would have seen more as lunch than a pet. He gave her a gentle scritch underneath the chin and she crooned softly, her small eyes closing as she finally settled.

Only to squawk loudly as Red abruptly reappeared, “here we go.”

In his hands was a hanging basket with a spray of flowers only just beginning to bloom from the leafy tendrils. It was rather lovely, definitely expensive, and absolutely did not belong to Red.

“Where did you get that?” Edge demanded.

Red shrugged, “only thing that matters is they didn’t see me.” He dumped the flowers out onto the ground in a sad splatter of leaves and potting soil, then crouched down and began filling it with grass. “c’mon, the joke’s getting’ old and the crowd’s restless, let’s get the show on the road.”

Edge made a mental note to have a much nicer replacement sent discreetly to anyone who complained about a missing floral arrangement and started to crouch down to help. Only for his brother to brusquely wave him back.

“hold the fucking chicken, i got this,” Red snapped. He didn’t look up at Edge, stuffing grass into the basket furiously. “you been standing long enough, last thing you need is to get down here and not be able to get back up. bet that leg is singing an ava maria by now.”

Slowly, Edge straightened, watching silently as Red filled the basket and he didn’t protest his leg was fine, didn’t try to reassure him, only let him make a messy little nest in the basket. He added the golf balls, nestling them into the grass, then hesitated over the egg, finally giving Edge a side eye. “uh. so do we take it or leave it?”

“Take it,” Edge decided. “Perhaps Stretch can do some research and find out what kind of egg it is.”

“it’s your funeral, don’t blame me if you end up with pet crocodile or some shit.”

“Nonsense, crocodiles aren’t native to Ebott. Snakes, however—” He trailed off as Nugget renewed her struggles and leaned down to set her in the basket. She settled immediately, fluffing out her feathers and nestling in. “I suppose that’s that.”

“yep, take ‘er home.” Red stood and stretched, both hands pressed into the small of his back as the joints popped. “by the way, i saw you doing work on the coop. ain’t a bad idea, but you don’t have a fox problem, boss.” His brother straightened and tucked his hands into his pockets, his grin colder, sharper, and in that moment, he could have stepped dusty and damaged directly from Underfell. “’least not anymore.”

He was gone before Edge could even open his mouth to ask.

He was alone again in the tall grass with nothing but a contented chicken for company and his car a painfully long walk away, particularly when lugging said chicken along.

“Thank you, brother,” Edge said, with an equal measure of sincerity and sarcasm. There was nothing for it. Edge heaved up the basket in his free hand and started to struggle his way back through the field.

Time to head home. Home, yes, home, where Stretch was hopefully still asleep, and Edge could only hope that seeing Nugget would shake at least a little of his depression loose. The thought of even a faint smile from his love was enough to make the growing ache in his leg well worth it.

tbc

[ehstarwar]

under thy own life’s key (6/7)

They’d been like this the whole night. Sleeping only periodically, spending the majority of their time fucking. Slowly sometimes, without any real desire for release, just the feeling of each others bodies. More roughly, other times; desperate pounding that Rey is sure leaves bruises. But she loves it.

-

Ben and Rey celebrate their first time having sex with more sex.

-

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2K

Read on AO3

Notes: thank u all so much for the love so far; u are all my favorite people ever. also plz don't hate me.

Chapter 6: they kill me with a living death

-

She doesn’t know what time it was. It could be four a.m.; could be noon; could be an entire different year for all Rey cared. 

Ben worked his mouth over her chest, laving at her hard, pink nipples that felt perpetually hard. His mouth sucked on one, the other being attended to by his hand; caressing, tugging, flicking. Like it was his one and only purpose. His come was still running down her thighs, combined with the slickness his mouth was creating. His other hand was pulsing in and out of her, two fingers deep in her cunt. His thumb teased her clit until it felt like it was about to fall off. 

They’d been like this the whole night. Sleeping only periodically, spending the majority of their time fucking. Slowly sometimes, without any real desire for release, just the feeling of each others bodies. More roughly, other times; desperate pounding that Rey is sure leaves bruises. But she loves it. 

Her orgasms now don’t come as shocking currents, but more like tidal waves that wash over her entire body. His fingers work her through it as his mouth continues sucking hickeys over her chest. When he withdrawals his finger, Ben brings them to his mouth, sucking every last drop of Rey he can. 

Reys’ hand delicately traces all the moles on his face, making a constellation that she’d repeatedly kissed through the night. His eyes were hooded, she didn’t know if that was from lack of enough sleep or desire for her. She’d like to think it was both.

“What time is it?” She asked, voice hoarse from screams she muffled with pillows or Bens’ hand. 

“Who cares,” Ben says, peppering kisses up her neck. 

“My body has gotten quite used to eating multiple times a day, so, it cares.”

Ben scowled. “I’ll bring you food.”

“You don’t think our friends will notice it’s odd that you’re up and I’m not?”

“I’ll tell them you’re feeling under the weather. That I’m probably  already infected with whatever you have, so I’ll take care of you.”

“That sounds nice…” Ben chuckled into her skin, tickling her neck. “It may be more believable if I go up and say you’re sick. They think you’re a vampire that got sun poisoning yesterday.”

“Our friends are idiots.”

“Yeah, but we choose to be friends with them anyways.”

“Hmmm…” He rubs his face into her hair, inhaling deeply. “It may be wiser for you to go up. That way you won’t fall asleep in a post-orgasm haze. Again.”

“Ugh,” She lightly smacks his arm, cheeks turning red. “I fall asleep because of some sort of sex hormone that orgasms produce. If anything, the blame is on you, not me.”

“I totally believe you, baby.”

There it was. That term of endearment that made Rey hot in all the best ways. Which is bizarre. It’s a very common nickname for significant others that Rey just so happens to have never been called before and now Rey doesn’t want to be called literally anything else. 

It also presents another problem. 

It was an endearment that couples called each other. People who were dating. Had established that they were seeing each other. Who could, for the most part, talk to their partner and figure out where their relationship stood. Something Rey and Ben had yet to do. 

The idea of the forthcoming conversation that they needed to have (they were well beyond the point of being able to put it off), was enough to make Rey shoot up from the bed and out of Bens’ grasp. She rooted around for clean underwear and clothes she could slip on so as not to scar her friends for life.

“You really are hungry,” Ben comments, still laying on the bed. 

“Benjamin, have you met me?”

“Fair.”

“Any particular order that you’d like to place? But I’ll have you know that my culinary skills peaked when I learned to put an egg in instant ramen.” Bens’ mouth twitched up at the corners.

“I’m sure you’ll get enough for the both of us. I’ll just eat whatever scraps you leave behind.”

Rey side eyes him as she begins to climb the stairs. She hears an even toned voice call up ‘try to throw a vegetable in there, too’ before she opens the stairwell door.  

-

After their bellies are full and Ben eats Rey out again (his desert, he’d teased), they wind up in the shower. Ben holds her up, using the tile wall as a support as he relentlessly thrust up into her. Their bodies are slick and Rey would normally be worried about the likelihood of slipping, but she doesn’t with Ben. At no point did his muscles feel like the were ready to give out. He just held her, pounding into her with ruthless abandon, making her chant his name like a prayer.

“You gonna come for me, baby? You gonna get us all filthy again right in the shower?” Rey could only manage to moan for him, nodding her head against the cool tile. Bens’ mouth descended onto her shoulder, lightly biting down as he began to come. His hands held her hips flush with his, leaving no option for Rey other than to just hang limply in his arms as her orgasm crashed through her too. 

Ben was sweet with her then, sinking them both to the shower floor, still attached, as he brushed the water and wet strands of hair out of her eyes. They were like that a minute until she heard a bottle being opened, then felt ben work shampoo into her hair.

“You’re gonna make my hair nice… like yours?” She asked, still a little breathless. He just hummed in acknowledgement. He rinsed out the shampoo before putting conditioner, then worked a soapy wash toweled down her whole body, missing no nook or cranny, even cleaning each toe individually. 

Rey felt like a fucking queen.

Rey returned the favor to him, taking advantage of being able to run her hands through the glorious mop of black hair on his head, and tracing all the hard plains of his muscles. Rey though she’d get scored for taking extra good care washing his firm ass, but Ben didn’t seem to mind. 

They rinsed off, and Ben got out before her, so that he could dry himself off before wrapping Rey like a burrito in a warm towel. She brushed out her hair, applied lotion down her whole body; pampering her for reasons she was too high to question.

They ended up back on the bed, Ben finding new sheets in the small closet and placing them on there. They’d have to think of a believable way to wash the come stains out of the others before they left. Neither of them seemed to care too much at the moment. 

Rey went back to munching on some wheat thins she’d snagged from the kitchen on her run while Ben sat, facing her, rubbing her legs. 

“We should probably talk about… this,” Ben spoke, suddenly, causing Rey to choke for a second on the four wheat thins she currently had stuffed in her mouth.

“About what?” She questioned, mouth still full. Ben gave her a pointed look.

“Rey.” She waived her hands in surrender, setting down the box beside the bed and swallowing the rest in her mouth.

“You’re right, you’re right,” She says, while situating herself a little straighter. A hollow feeling formed in her gut at the thought o having to talk about their relationship, but it’s what adults did. Get through something uncomfortable so that something slightly less uncomfortable would  be waiting for her after.

“I guess I just want to know where we stand… like after… everything.” Ben gestures vaguely to the dirty sheets in the corner.

“After all the sex, you mean.” Bens’ ears turn red and Rey can’t help but caress them. 

“And.. things like that. We didn’t used to do that before.” Rey drops her hand slowly.

“I guess… I don’t know where we stand. It’s… a lot to process.” His face falls.

“We’ve had all night to process.”

“We were sort of busy all night, if you’ll remember. Plus, we’ve been friends for eight year, Ben. Twelve hours isn’t exactly a ton of time to think things over.”

“What is there to think about?”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am. What is there to think about Rey?”

She gets up from the bed, needing to put distance between Ben and herself.

“Eight years, Ben. We’ve been best friends for eight years. Going from platonic emotions to very sexually charged emotions, merits a little bit of thinking.”

“Such as?”

Rey huffs, searching her head to find something that wouldn’t make Ben scoff at her. Like there was  chance of that happening.

“Like… who I’m going to call when I want to get drunk in my apartment and watch trashy shows with if I can’t call you.”

“Why wouldn’t you call me? If we’er together, wouldn’t I be the person you’d do that with, no questions asked?”

“What if we fight, Ben? What if we do what we’re doing right now? Who could I call then?”

“We both have other friends! Hell, we’re in a house full of them right now.”

“But you’re different. It’s different between us, Ben, it always has been.”

“That’s exactly why there’s nothing for us to think about! We were always headed towards this!”

“It’s not easy for me to just accept that! You’re my best friend! If it turns out that we weren’t meant for this and we do break up, what am I supposed to do? I can handle loosing a boyfriend, but I can’t handle loosing my best friend on top of that!”

“That won’t happen.”

“We’re fighting right now and we’re not even officially dating.”

“We wouldn’t break up, Rey. We’d make it work. I’m not your parents, I’m not going to leave you like garbage.”

Rey goes rigid. Her whole body tenses as the words play over and over again in her head. 

“Everyone I’ve ever loved has left me, Ben. You can’t be upset with me for being scared.”

His jaw works as his eyes continue to stare deeply into hers.

“I’ve proved myself for eight years that I won’t leave you, Rey. What more do I have to do?”

Rey stares right back at him, unmoving.

“Maybe not be a huge asshole to me while asking for us to be together would have helped.”

Neither of them can move, both unyielding in their respective ground. When it’s clear that their thoughts on this won’t change either, Rey turns around to grab clothes. She takes off the comically large t-shirt that Ben placed on her, replacing it with her own clothing.

“I’m going to stay with Rose for the rest of the trip.” She doesn’t turn to tell him that, but she can hear the squeaking of the bed as he gets up. He doesn’t say anything. When she turns to face him to grab her phone, she sees that his expression is still hard, but his eyes softened a bit. 

Rey forces down the tears that will absolutely be spilling soon.

“Rey, I-” But he doesn’t finish. Rey looks at him, willing from him to say something, anything, but he doesn’t. He closes him mouth and Rey leaves the room. 

-

When Finn opens the door to Roses’ room, he’s met with a watery-eyed Rey.

“Oh, hey Rey. Rose and I were just playing cards. But like, we didn’t have any cards so we were playing with ones on our phone. That’s why there’s no actual cards here. What did you- Are you okay?”

“Finn, I think I messed everything up.” Rey breaks into sobs before she can finish speaking.

[sssuperbartola]

Drastic Measures - Part One

kinda angsty, kinda lemonish at the end, a drizzle of comic stuff and a lil’ bit of softness on the side. Enjoy!

Rated K+ for language 

“Motherfucker!”

If she hadn’t already recognized the blaring voice from across her home’s backyard, then the cacophony of stuff being slammed on the ground from just outside her house definitely proved who was awake in the early hours of the morning in the whole house, if not in all the neighborhood even.

Dragging a long sigh of exasperation, Kagome slowly rose from her soft pillows to then sit on her side of the futon she and her loving, caring - and currently loud husband - shared, then proceeded to mentally prepare herself for the imminent tasks: wake up her brain and give her hanyou a piece of her mind on how to not wake up people.

Not a single ray of sun had made its way into the house yet, the air still lingering with the fresh but humid smell of the previous night, a mixture of wet grass and stingy resin which broke through the only wooden window of that section of the house. A light chill suddenly shocked Kagome from her last ounce of slumber and, securing the front of her yuka, she stood up from her beddings and waddle on cold feet towards the fire area to see if she could start a fire. All the while, the noises from outside never ceased, but they were more and more replaced from lewd curses and shouts.

“Why won’t you fucking stay up!? Ahhrg! Goddammit, piece of shit wood!” Inuyasha kept going, then proceeded to slam something heavy on what one would assume were logs of trees.

Kagome deeply inhaled some air to calm herself before she got herself to throw a shout as well. She halted her steps as soon as she glanced over the other side of the room where the suikan of Inuyasha’s firerat laid all crumpled and tangled on the floor. Kagome rose a curious eyebrow at the unusual sight, it was not like him to be separated from his only piece of clothing he ever wore, especially if he had to go in the crisp air of the morning like today. Another cold draft broke through the frame-built wall and Kagome had to suppress a small whimper while she miserably attempted to fasten again her night yuka; as she glanced again at the firerat, she resolved that, since he didn’t probably need it, she might as well make some use of it while she waited for the house to heat up. After all, he was the one with demonic blood, a bit of cold won’t kill him unlike her.

Circling the fire pit in the middle of the room, she quickly bend to grasp the fabric and then just as quickly draped it over herself, her small frame not even managing to fill in the large sleeves of the suikan but that was not a problem at all for Kagome, given that now it was five times warmer than before. She loved to wear his firerat from time to time, and so did Inuyasha, who always felt a spike of pride when seeing her wife adorned in his coat, even more, if it was just his coat she was wearing. It was a habit she picked up during the quest of hunting shards, especially after a rather violent battle where she almost got herself dangerously hurt. Inuyasha would sit close to her and wordlessly take his firerat and put it on her as if to protect her ins his own way: by simply being there. She collected the long sleeves and deeply inhaled the fabric permeated with Inuyasha’s scent and surrounding Kagome in her favorite smell in the world: musk, rain, fresh leaves, and something remarkably him altogether in the shape of a grumpy man with adorable ears and a golden heart.

The overwhelming sensation Kagome was immersed in almost made her forget the reason why she was there in the first place, but another yell from the man outside quickly made her regain her original mood.

“Don’t you fucking dare fall do-! OH COME ON!” was the last thing she heard from him before a loud cluttering of several objects all falling at the same time. A few spare seconds of silence were the only break allowed to Kagome before the madness started again.

“For once that I go to buy some wood, I just had to buy this low- ass quality, worm-eaten shit of wood?! “You will avoid so much work buy just buying this one”, they said! “Best woods you can find” MY ASS!”. The situation was degenerating yet again, and Kagome had enough. It wasn’t just the fact he woke her up with his enthusiastic speech with a shed of wood - it wasn’t the only reason at least. What irritated her was how reckless he was with his mouth and his actions, and most importantly, the outcome of those two combined. Kagome didn’t think of herself as a prudish woman, in her life she had had her slips of the tongue on many occasions, whether it was about an argument with her mother, her friends or a very specific person and his tactless shenanigans. However, there was a fine line between losing one’s temper and just causing chaos just for the sake of it, something she didn’t approve that much of her husband right now.

Collecting the exceedingly long piece of red cloth, she then marched to the backdoor which opened to their little green space right outside the house. As she lifted the mat covering the entrance, she was greeted with what she could only describe as a homicide scene.

Scattered on every single corner of the garden laid several chunks of broken wood, some more intact than others, but still heavily damaged. Spots of dirt and soil currently replaced the once healthy green of her beloved garden, and she swore she has never those rocks last time she went outside. But regardless of the hell of a nature surrounding her, there he was, Inuyasha, the cause of this disaster standing right in the middle of it, swinging left and right a rusted-looking ax ready to crumble to pieces. Kagome slowly took in the destruction in front of her, her eyes wide and mouth open in silent shock as ire started to boil in her veins. She took so much time preparing the soil to harvest their vegetables, she cared so much and he annihilated it. Her eyes snapped to the half-demon in front of her. Breathing heavily, he looked completely disheveled: his torso was completely bare, having discarded his under kosode a while ago,  and covered in a light layer of sweat, while his hair was barely held in a failed attempt of a bun. On another occasion, she would have ogled at that picture but right now all she wanted to do was to literally jump at him and kill him.

He didn’t notice Kagome’s presence behind him, which gave the woman an opportunity to observe him before going for the kill.

“I can’t fucking believe it, these pieces of wood are complete shit!” Inuyasha huffed while reaching for another of his victim. He placed the log in the middle of a flat rock he used as a pedestal, looked at it and, with a hand on his hip, gripped his ax more tightly. “Those vendors were fucking lying about you” he pointed at the piece of wood with the cutter, tone threatening, “and I, like a fucking idiot, believed it. God fucking damn it, Kagome is going to kill me, and all because of those fuckers”. As soon as he said those words, a cold voice reached him from behind.

“Oh do you now, Inuyasha?”

He froze on the spot at the all too familiar sound of his wife’s voice. Eyes wide in pure fear, he slowly put down the ax not wanting to move any further. However, Kagome was not having it. 

“Inuyasha”, she called back, her tone leaving no room for objection. He loudly gulped and, with a dreadful chill crawling on his back, he all too slowly turned around to face the inevitable. If Inuyasha had to choose a moment in his life where he seriously dreaded death, he would probably say it was this exact moment. His eyes locked with Kagome’s and all words died instantly on his lips. She was fuming with rage, he could tell that. He could feel her aura whirling with such anger he thought he could touch it with his hands. He didn’t even register the fact she was wearing his firerat, but could spare only a brief glance at the way her arms crossed on the fabric, her right index tapping nervously on her forearm. He has never seen so angry, and that’s telling a lot given their past arguments. The silence between the two was becoming too heavy for Inuyasha, who wished her to stop throwing daggers with her eyes. He deeply inhaled through his nostrils and was about to say something, anything! but he immediately regretted that.

“Ka-”

“What the HELL did you do to the garden!?” Kagome exploded, making him wince and lower his ears completely flat on his head at the loud yell. A few seconds of silence passed and he tried to answer her but with no avail.

“Kagome, I ca-” “I don’t give a rats-ass about your excuses! Look at this mess! It looks like some wild youki just fucking dismantled our backyard! What were you thinking of doing?!” Kagome angrily inquired more, her control clearly lost.

Inuyasha was was so scared he almost didn’t even register the series of curses she blended with her scolding. Tentatively, he tried to step closer to her, his arms gradually rising towards him as a peaceful sign of surrender, the last thing he was was to upset her more than she already was. “Kagome, just let me explain-” “What’s there to explain?! You thought you could test that excuse of wood you bought, that I understood pretty much, what about the rest of the fucking garden!?!” she argued back, and Inuyasha decided it was better to make a step backward. That move though resulted fatal for him, since she took that as an invitation to come closer to him, and he did not want that. He quickly put his arms forward to stop her from moving, “ I-I guess I went a bit…uh, over the top..b-but I swear it wasn’t my intention-” “Oh, well why, Inuyasha, I didn’t think of you like a casual gardener in your spare time! And it’s a work of arts, too! Were your taking inspiration from a bloody battlefield perhaps!?”

“Listen, Kagome-” “No! Now you listen up.” she cut him off abruptly, an accusing finger pushing at his chest. His eyes zeroed to that single finger as if it could trespass him like a sword. He quickly glanced back at her with full attention, since his life was apparently depending on that.

“I can get over the fact you woke me up with your shouting at an inanimate object, I can tolerate you cursing around for every goddamn reason, I can even understand the fact you are clearly angry at those vendors who gave you bad wood, but destroying our backyard, that we spent so much time preparing for planting our food, without any consideration of how I might feel, to just smash wood at random, that, sir, I won’t let it pass. At.All.” With every word she spat, she kept poking and poking at his chest until he was touching the stone pedestal with his ankles. He glanced briefly at his back before looking back at her, with no idea of how to get out of that situation. 

“Kagome, I’m so, so sorry”“Oh you better be, mister.” she urged on, “I expect you to pick up everything and make this place look twice as beautiful as before you step foot in it”, she came so dangerously close to his face he had a hard time breathing. 

“If I came back and see even just a strand of grass out of place” she gritted to him, her finger picking at his skin, “You better watch out because I won’t be so kind then” she whispered, but the threat behind those words made it way scarier. He stepped back to get some room to breathe but his feet met the hard pedestal and so he stumbled hard on his butt while looking up at Kagome’s figure. She regarded him one last glare, before quickly turning around and stomping back inside. If she had a physical door instead of the mat, she would have slammed it on his face, but that was the feudal era. After stepping into the house, she stood in the living room again, taking deep breaths to regain some sort of posture after the scolding of her life. She didn’t know how she said those things, but she couldn’t always be the understanding, soft-spoken girl all the times, not since her husband liked to put their house upside-down. That was a desperate situation, and in those cases, the only thing to do is calling for desperate measures.

She felt too hot all of the sudden, and only then she remembered she was wearing Inuyasha’s firerat, and so she quickly undressed before reaching the fireplace and make some breakfast for herself, since her husband would not join her anytime sooner.

Outside, Inuyasha was still left sprawled on the grass, mouth agape in shock, still unable to process the fury that had just left him. If anything, he was just glad she didn’t purify his ass on the spot, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t about to.

His hand unconsciously reached for where her finger dug on his chest, rubbing gently as if to shoo any wound that wasn’t there. His heart raced into his ribcage, adrenaline going crazy in his veins and all he could think about was the fire in Kagome’s eyes, how resolved she was with asking - no, demanding him to what she said, and the power she emanated when she came up to him, even if she barely reached his shoulders.

She was fuming, she uncontrollable, she dominating, she was…

“So damn hot” he breathless said, a smirk making its way on his face while amber eyes hid a spark of promises.

[thisiswhereifall]

Day 4: Pets

Need I say more? I managed to write today, as well. Holy quiznacking crows, I'm on a roll these days.

I really enjoyed writing this, even more than the previous ones, to be honest. I thought it was a cute prompt(open-ended, too, because hey. Everyone loves an open-ended story.) and it was just an idea I came up with

Enjoy!

--------------- o ------------------

Pidge had always liked tiny things.

No, that didn't mean she didn't like Kaltenecker or the idea of bringing her to the ship. She absolutely adored the cow and her affectionate moo's. Not to mention, the milkshakes are entirely helpful to keep Pidge's brain healthy and functioning. It was a good thing that Allura allowed them to keep her, too.

But that doesn't stop Pidge from liking tiny things.

Part of it involves the smallest screws and machine parts that she considers to be very cute. She would smile and inwardly squeal whenever she tinkers into alien machines and sees the tiniest parts that comprise such a deadly weapon. Pidge also loved seeing the Galra drones despite the fact that they were there to kill her, and she loved Rover so much. He was a robot, loyal, and tiny.

Pidge definitely liked tiny things.

Green knows it, but never did Pidge make her lion feel as if she didn't love her. Green was beautiful and majestic, the only lion with a shield on her backside and Pidge would melt when Green purrs lovingly at her. Large, powerful, and intimidating, but Pidge loved her, anyway. Green is beautiful in more ways than one, and Pidge could never be more proud.

Pidge remembers that she still liked tiny things, when a flash of blue crosses her line of vision and she blinks.

She followed the alien creature floating around her bedroom, its glowing markings blinking in excitement as it circled the cluttered area with wide curious eyes and a permanent pout. The creature was small and quiet; slow-moving and peaceful, and Pidge just couldn't resist taking it with her before she left the trash planet she was thrown in from the corrupted wormhole.

Allura and Coran never noticed the tiny thing enter the Green Lion.

And it wasn't like Pidge actually brought it with her. The thing followed her into her Lion, rather, it followed the suspicious trash that Pidge secretly brought into her Lion. If Green didn't send her the message, Pidge wouldn't even know that the little creature was there with her. And she remembered that day very well.

That day, she yelped into the comms, even more startled that it was a blue space caterpillar rather than a green one.

“Pidge, are you alright?” Allura immediately asked, much to Pidge's horror as she grabbed the creature and hid both of her hands out of the camera's sight as it flashed on. She gulped, biting her tongue to prevent herself from rambling and she was a terrible liar.

“O-Oh, nothing! I just, um, accidentally hit my toe at the, uh, corner.” Her eyes looked around to see if there were any corners inside Green. There were none. “I mean, I just hit my toe somewhere, I didn't actually mean a specific corner or literally, a corner. There are lots of stuff here that you could hit your toe at, and not to mention, Green is probably made of some hard space material that a human body could--"

“Pidge, aren't you wearing your armor?” Allura interrupted, and Pidge knew that she just messed herself up big-time.

Pidge sighed, opening her mouth again to say something else despite the futile attempts of trying to stop the furry thing in her hands from moving “Okay, okay, you got me. I was…” She gripped the creature a little tighter, as much as she didn't want to hurt it any further. “… So excited that my satellite worked that I yelped in shock when Green responded to my feelings.” Okay, that was definitely way more believable.

Green rumbled in protest and Pidge ignored her.

Silence took over the comms before Allura finally replied. “Oh. Okay. Now let's go get the others.” Soon, the mic and camera shut off and Pidge let out a long sigh of relief. She then placed her hands in front of her and stared long at the blue alien. She didn't sign up for adoption papers at all. “Okay, little guy. What are you doing here? We're miles away from your home planet now.” She softly whispered, afraid that anyone would hear her.

The last thing Pidge wanted was for anyone to see a blue space caterpillar with her.

She watched the creature float around, then behind her as if it was trying to answer. Pidge turned her head to follow it with her gaze, her face heating up when it landed on the suspicious trash she had brought with her aboard Green. Her hand flew to her face. Now she's got two things to hide from her team.

One, the cute new pet, and two, Trash Lance. And they were both blue.

That day, Pidge knew she was doomed for life if anyone ever enters her bedroom and sees them in the farthest and most hidden corner of her room. The first few days weren't easy at all.

The first thing Pidge did was to make a mess out of her own sleeping space, one that would turn off anyone's curiosity about what abominations she hid in her room. Hunk hated it when things weren't organized – he was an engineer, after all. Allura and Coran aren't interested in invading other people's privacy. Shiro would occasionally knock from time to time to check on her, but he wouldn't bother turning the lights on, entering the room, or looking around, so it was safe. Which left Keith and Lance.

Keith had zero fucks to give when it comes to anything urgent. Sure, he wouldn't just enter someone else's space without permission, but once the guy thinks that what he's there for is more important than anything else including privacy, he would barge in without a word and not care no matter how many times you yell at him for entering. He would, most likely, yell back.

And it just so happened that the day Pidge brought home her secret, it just had to be Keith who was the first to enter her room unannounced.

“Pidge, training deck now. Shiro has something to-- what's that?” Keith turned his attention to a certain trash at the corner of the room, but before he could process what exactly it was, Pidge flung herself in front of his eyes, throwing a blanket behind her.

“Nothing, really! Just a new robot prototype I've been working on.” She had gotten better at lying, silently wishing that Keith didn't have enough time to even recognize who the piece of trash lump was.

It was a good thing that Keith gave zero fucks about anything else, because he didn't question her any further. Or maybe he already knows and just chooses not to say anything about it. After all, Keith figured that she was a girl before she even said anything at all. He once again, reminded her of the urgent meeting in the training room, before finally leaving.

Pidge should get to work soon.

Making a mess was easy enough, since she had enough machines and hoarded lots of clutter to scatter on the floor, making sure that stepping would prove to be hard enough for anyone to enter. Lance was, surprisingly, a neat and finicky person so he would be easy to ward off with just a few garbage here and there.

And the plan worked. Not long after, Keith barely steps inside the room for fear that he might break something on the floor. Hunk refuses to even open the door. Shiro didn't have to enter to check on her, as usual, and Lance…

“Woah, what the quiznack, Pidge? It's like the aftermath of a tornado!”

Frankly-speaking, Lance didn't care about the trash. He would complain, but he didn't really care. He'd still walk into the room and drag her out whenever he felt like it. The first time, Pidge had to grab her pet and hide it with her pillows while she shoved Trash Lance under her bed. Lance had been at the doorway the moment she panicked so he didn't really notice, since he was busy complaining.

Pidge had to resort to Plan B.

She installed a security system outside her door so it would detect Lance from a few meters away. Using Galra drone parts, same with Rover, she successfully created an invisible scanner and now she could prepare in advance whenever Lance was about to invade her space.

But Lance wasn't the only problem in this scenario. His counterparts were also hard to deal with.

Caterpillar Lance was just as curious as he was.

The little creature would fly around and check out every single clutter all over Pidge's room. It would often do so every time her scanners would alert her that Lance was going to arrive any moment, much to her dismay. She would desperately try to jump and catch it, always barely making it in time before Lance appears on the doorway, completely oblivious about the way she catches her breath when he does.

What was more annoying was the fact that the creature gets hungry.

It was logical. All living things get hungry and this was no robot. This was an actual living thing and she couldn't just let it starve in her room. Finding out its diet was a challenge. Sneaking its food into her room, even more so.

“Uh, Pidge. What exactly are you going to do with that? I mean, hey, you're supposed to eat it since it's, well, food. But… I thought you said you hated veggies?” One night, Hunk caught her piling up her plate with food goo and a bunch of unrecognizable space vegetables from the fridge. He must have been up for a midnight snack, and she was not pleased.

“Uh, I was going to try some since I was… hungry.” Lying to Hunk was one of the toughest things to do, seeing as how observant the fellow was. From the looks of his face, Pidge was sure he wasn't buying it.

He tilted his head in suspicion, eyeing Pidge. “No, no, no. I swear I left some desserts in the fridge and knowing you, you wouldn't choose veggies over sweets anytime.” Pidge definitely hated the fact that literally everyone in the ship knew that she loved sweets like any girl would. She shouldn't have disclosed that much info about herself.

“Fine. I was going to do a few biology tests in my room since I have always wondered if the materials that comprised Earth plants are the same as the ones in space. Green's hidden power got my gears up and running.” If there were any higher beings in space, she surely needed them any moment now. She also felt bad about always using Green as an excuse, but what choice does she have?

Science was enough to convince Hunk that she wasn't going to feed a living creature in her room, as he let her go after a few discussions about galactic theories.

Her heart felt a bit warm and happy when her little companion loved the veggies and that her efforts weren't all in vain.

Days passed by and Pidge proceeded as normal. Shoving Trash Lance under her bed whenever her scanners alerted her, hiding her friend with her pillows, spending her days and nights in Green's hangar so no one would come looking for her in her room, sneaking out food from the fridge, and all in all, just doing missions with her teammates. Everything was going by smoothly and she finally found her brother after all this time.

She introduced him to her room, suddenly remembering that Trash Lance and Caterpillar Lance weren't hidden. Thankfully, Matt didn't notice anything. The tour around the castle ended peacefully and preparations for the next battle were being discussed thoroughly.

Pidge retreated to her room after a long day, bothered by the fact that Lotor just technically saved them all. It was a suspicious act for her, but she didn't have the energy to think about that now. She held the plate of veggies closer, feeling guilty for not leaving out food for Caterpillar Lance the whole time.

As she stepped closer to her door, her heart skipped a beat and her eyes widened when she saw that it was wide open. Her ears started ringing as she sprinted towards her room in horror, not caring if the veggies were falling from the plate by how fast she was running.

Turning on the lights, her eyes quickly looked around. Trash Lance was still there at the corner. Her room was still a mess. Everything was normal, she thought. Her breath hitched when she realized that something was terribly wrong.

Caterpillar Lance was missing.

Panicking, Pidge dropped the plate hastily on her bed, throwing off all pillows from her bed and mentally cursing herself for leaving the door unlocked before leaving for battle. She even searched every drawer and under the bed, but she couldn't find him. Her friend was tiny and small and that would mean she would have to search for every possible nook and cranny in the castle if it decided to wander off.

“You've got to be kidding me!” She ran outside her room once again, panting and swearing from time to time in between her short breaths. She first searched the lounge. No sign of it. She made a mental note never to run into Keith or Shiro at this time because having to come up with an excuse today didn't sound very appealing to her.

She searched the training room, Green's hangar, and literally the whole castle. A hand fell to her chest as she heaved in large amounts of air. Looking up, she opened the door to the last room she hasn't looked into yet.

Kaltenecker's area.

As she stepped in and almost got blinded by how sunny the surroundings were, her eyes could hardly make out the figure from afar.

It wasn't Kaltenecker. Her heart seemed to have started beating faster and she was sure it was no longer adrenaline.

Before she could say anything, Lance turned around and spotted her. A goofy grin was plastered on his face and on his shoulders was the very thing that Pidge was trying to keep away from Lance. “Pidge! Look, this little guy followed me all the way to my room so I thought it would be nice for Kaltenecker to meet him.” He gestured to Caterpillar Lance, which was perched on his shoulder and staring at him.

Pidge froze. Caterpillar Lance knows him and intentionally followed him.

The thought was funny enough that Pidge's shoulders started shaking. “Pidge?” Lance spoke once more, before her silent chuckling turned into full-blown laughter. She tried to talk, but failed miserably. She looked up at Lance again, his confused expression transforming into a wide smile. “Well, I'm glad you're happy, Pidge. Kaltenecker liked him, as well.”

Her cheeks flushed at his words. He obviously had no idea that it was her who brought the caterpillar into the ship. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.” She smiled back at him.

“Come to think of it, wasn't this what Allura and Coran were talking about? The little caterpillar-like beings that helped you build that satellite? If you brought one home, why did you choose blue?”

Quiznack.

[astroprojections101]

The Signs as Characters from ‘BRIDESMAIDS’

Annie Walker - Taurus

Bridesmaids is a hilarious and groundbreaking female-driven comedy about addiction and friendship, two things Tauruses know how to do very well. They are loyal and committed people whose reputation as the most boring sign of the zodiac is forgiven for also being the best friends you will ever find on this fucking planet, and they KNOW this dammit!! They wear their friendships like purple hearts, but it also means they can easily get stuck in a rut and indulge in self-destructive habits like fucking terrible people and matching red shoes with red nail polish when the waves get rough. Not to mention it could take years (or a very messy rock bottom) before these bulls get the wake up call they need to make a positive change in their lives, as evidenced by Annie failing to do any of this until Melissa McCarthy literally bites her in the ass while watching Castaway, a movie I am SURE she has seen at least five times. 

They can also be territorial and possessive. While Annie may seem like that down-to-earth, low-maintenance girl who side eyes women that wear $8,000 evening gowns to an afternoon engagement party, on the inside she is a red-faced toddler crossing her arms and stamping her feet because Mom won’t let her play with the iPad. Or, in this case, because her best friend since CHILDHOOD (seriously, who still has friends from childhood? TAURUSES, bitches! + people from the Midwest) is getting married and has, like many grown ass adults sometimes do, ~made another friend~. Suddenly, Annie is forced to, without prior knowledge or consent, confront the bull’s biggest fear: change. Which is a big fat scary no no for a masochistic Taurus who would rather pursue subpar fucks than make baked goods with an emotionally literate Scottish bae. Tauruses like Things As They Are even when they don’t, and Annie Walker is no exception. We stan a true Taurus queen. 

Sorry, Libras. Branding the antagonist of the movie as one may seem counterintuitive for a sign whose entire identity revolves being nice and fair to EVERYONE and liking EVERYONE and getting along with EVERYONE, but that’s exactly why Helen Harris III wins the coveted title of Passive Aggressive Shithead Who Reminds You of 30% Of Your High School: everyone loves her, everyone wants to be her, and who can blame them? As a wise Jeff Winger once said, nerds go to space to impress the people who wore leather jackets in high school. 

And Helen Harris is beautiful. She can pull off wearing an $8,000 evening gown to an afternoon engagement party (almost) without coming off like an asshole. Helen Harris can book spontaneous bridal salon fittings. Helen Harris could eat that fucking cookie (Annie could never). Even if it means gaslighting a woman out of a wedding party, getting bullied by bratty white kids or marrying David Wallace, Libras don’t know who they are without the bliss of knowing their personal brand of outward bullshit is loved and admired by all, even if that means suppressing their true feelings until their next tennis sesh at the Milwaukee country club. Helen proves this when she ugly cries to a woman she socially tormented for the better part of a year, and also proves this when she arranges for Annie’s emotionally literate Scottish bae to pick her up after the wedding. You can’t convince me otherwise. 

Lillian - Virgo 

It’s easy to put Virgos in that Friends Who Have Their Shit Together box, even if underneath that facade they are literally dying inside. But this is what I love about Lillian, who is yes, obviously a Virgo. Lillian is getting married to the man she loves. She curated a bridal party that genuinely knows and loves her. She gets someone like Helen to simp for her. So yes, she is that classic Virgo who doesn’t judge you for not having your shit together but also would never, ever forgive herself for sinking that low. 

But Lillian also manages to laugh when she comes out wearing that Abominable Snowman of a wedding dress. She shits on the street and lives to tell the tale. She is able to make hard choices and set boundaries with her best friend. Lillian doesn’t judge people out of insecurity, because she knows who she is and accepts it. 

I’d like to think there is a Virgo out there, punishing herself because she applied to three jobs instead of two that day, who sees a Lillian and realizes there is a future where she can be a #BossBitch without committing her entire life to proving it to herself and others. I’d like to think there’s a Virgo out there who sees Lillian and realizes she doesn’t have to let her friend copy her homework answers for the fourth consecutive math test because no, she isn’t responsible for her lazy friend’s inability to study ahead of time. Lillian is the representation Virgos desperately need - not just because she is a badass woman, but because she is happy. She is a role model for all of us, and you can’t get more Virgo than that. 

Megan - Aries

This was a hard one. On the one hand, Megan is weird. But let’s be real, an Aquarius could never be entrusted with the codes to every nuke buried underneath the United States. They would take those codes and use it to yeet Mark Zuckerberg out of his 100 million dollar Palo Alto estate within the first hour of signing their W-2 form. No, Megan may be unapologetically Megan as shit, but it’s not because she’s an Aquarius. She’s bold, and forward, and unapologetically Aries. 

Which is odd, considering that an Aries and a Taurus together is, well... an unlikely friendship combo. Both signs are strong-willed and stubborn as hell, but in a way that makes them want to declare war on each other’s egos, not inspire the other into becoming better people. But then again, maybe that’s why their friendship works. Where Annie throws an empty compliment at an overdressed woman she’s already decided she hates, Megan expresses a desire to climb a man five minutes upon meeting Annie. Where Annie sits on a couch watching Castaway instead of addressing her issues the way 35 year old women probably should have learned to do by now, Megan bites ass and reminds her of this this. Where Annie HOLDS IN VOMIT UNTIL SHE HAS DRIVEN MILES AWAY FROM A BRIDAL SALON, Megan shits right into that refurbished marble sink without a second thought. Get where I’m going with this? Megan does what Annie doesn’t, which sometimes is exactly what a Taurus needs to get out of their rut of self-pity. But of course, Megan doesn’t just exist to provide emotional labor to lazy Earth signs. She is an individual truly living her best life, and we love for her for it. Aries women slap like no other.

Rita - Scorpio

Brutally honest and a sexual goddess. What more can you expect from an unhappily married Scorpio? Rita is bold, sexy, and dramatic, who knows how to pack the punches so quick and dirty she can turn a Disney-obsessed woman child into a drunken bisexual as she sips her martini on a first class ticket she bought with her asshole of a husband’s tax fraud money. After all, who else besides a Scorpio would tell a woman she hasn’t seen since high school that her very own flesh and blood masturbated a blanket into oblivion? Scorpios are dark, brooding, and know when they are being taken for granted. Nowhere is this better exemplified than when Rita spills the piping hot tea on her shitty family that can’t see her for the goddess she truly is. Rita, you deserve better. 

Becca - Pisces

Erin Kemper has a long history of playing maladaptively naive characters, but I will bet my next unemployment check that Erin based her performance of Becca entirely off a Pisces description she found on Cafeastrology.com. Because there is literally nothing more Pisces than Becca. The hair, the clothes, the willingness to go through hospital levels of self-sanitization for her husband so that she can finally bone? Trying to convince herself she’s also too tired so that she doesn’t have to admit to herself that her husband is an emotionally and sexually unavailable failure of a man who can’t give her what she needs until she experiences a sexual awakening 2,000 miles up in the air with her Scorpio biffle??? Yup. Pisces to a P. 

Rhodes - Cancer

Aww, Rhodes. So sweet. So awkward. Why did they have to make you a cop?

Can we talk about why it is that almost every leading man who is emotionally mature and secure in his masculinity ALWAYS seems to elicit Cancerous vibes, even if they’re clearly not a Cancer? Actual Cancer men, take note. Rhodes  pursues respectfully. He calls, even after Annie doesn’t call back. Rhodes attempts exposure therapy on a woman he has had sex with once. Rhodes WOULD get ghosted by 80% of the women he meets on dating apps (including Annie, let’s be real), and we love him for it. Because cancers are just that loving and loyal! So yes, we can excuse him for getting a stick up his butt sometimes when someone drops a perfectly biodegradable vegetable on the ground. He more than makes up for it. 

Annie’s mom - Gemini 

Geminis are either terrible or the best people you’ll ever meet, and Annie’s mom is one of the rare few that falls into that in-between category of chaotic good, adorable Gemini doing her best not to drive everyone she’s ever loved away with what little self-awareness she has about her Gemininess. Annie’s mom is bubbly, chatty, and queen of the chisme. She uses logic to justify calling her ex husband’s wife a whore, and talks like she has a doctorate degree in the unsolicited advice she offers her daughter. Until at least, she’s introduced to a sweet man, and all that logic and wordiness melts away into a gooey puddle of all those emotions she likes to think she’s above. 

Bryn - Aquarius

There are a lot of stand out heroines in this movie, but none of them beat the comedic genius that is Bryn, an incestuous roommate Annie probably dug up from Craiglist’s seventh circle of hell. Aquari are trail blazing, unconventional, and friendly enough to distract you from the fact that their brain cells came from aliens. Bryn is no exception. Even an impulsive Aries would look at the opportunity to get an offensively tacky tattoo in the back of a van and think, “I’ll get Starbucks instead.” But an Aquarius thrives on making people uncomfortable with their Society Has To Catch Up To Me complex, and Bryn is no exception. After all, if they’re not scandalizing their depressed roommate with xenophobic tattoos and baths with their brother, then who even are they? A sheep, that’s who. 

13 year old - Sagittarius 

This specific breed of popular mean girl is either a Gemini or Sagittarius. I have nothing to back up this claim, but watching that horrible girl verbally spar her way into getting a 35 year old woman fired from a jewelry store is enough to turn me into a believer. That’s why it was so hard to pinpoint a sign for her. On one hand, this girl is probably responsible for the social anxiety of at least a dozen ex-BFFs. She also clearly knows how to use words to make someone wish they had never been born, so I can accept that this insecure adult’s worst nightmare has a few placements of mercurial badassery in her chart. 

But the truth hurts, and no one knows how to finesse the truth like a Sag, who either doesn’t know what they’re doing when they tell a customer service rep they have no boobs, or they know exactly. Anyway, don’t project your friendship drama onto an undeveloped Sagittarius child, Annie. Or tell them they’re going to be pregnant at their prom (yikes). You do not know what you’re getting yourself into. 

Annie’s Mystery Man - Capricorn

The sports jacket. The pipe. The vibes. This guy probably cured cancer back in the day and still hated himself for not figuring it out until he was 30. You could also totally tell he was sizing Annie up to see if she met his expectations of People Worth His Time (she didn’t). Capricorn man, you are right. None of us deserve you. RIP Hugh Dane.

[choisgirls]

What do the RFA + minor trio think about pineapple on pizza? What kind of food do they like and dislike apart from what's stated in the game? I hope you guys are doing well!

A/N: I AM A FULLADVOCATE FOR PINEAPPLES ON PIZZA AND Y'ALL CAN FIGHT ME (don’t actually fightme i respect your opinions I promise, you do you) (And I’m doing well, thank you! I hope you are as well ^^) ~Admin 404

Okay y’all I hope I did my research alright?? I hope I got the right names to the right food?? *small screaming*

*YOOSUNG:

               -Honestly I can see him enjoyingthe fruity flavour with his pizza

               -He’s just that kind of dude youknow? Like he tries to be mellow and fails

               -And what better way to prove you’remellow and cool than put some god damn fruit on your pizza??

                               American food

               -If we’re going American food, Ithink he’d really like hot pockets

               -I mean come on?? They’re fast??And hot?? And come in so many different ways? Not to mention they can be chEAP

               -His favourites are the ham andcheese ones

               -12/10 burns himself EVERYSINGLE TIME. BUT THEY’RE STILL COLD IN THE MIDDLE. He hates them but stillloves them so much

               -But he hates most otherflavours though? He can handle the pizza one but everything else is just abunch of blasphemy

                               Korean Food

               -Out of Korean foods I thinkhe’d like some Bindaetteok, or Mung Bean Pancake

               -Sometimes he eats them withoutthe vinaigrette dipping sauce

               -Just piles them into his mouth

               -Hates any sort of sour candy

               -His precious taste buds can’thandle sour

               -Actually cries?? When there’ssour??

               -His face scrunches up and helooks so childish but still sO CUTE

*ZEN:

               -Fruit should be fruit and pizzashould be pizza

               -Does not like the twointermingling together

               -Actually appalled when someoneputs pineapple on their pizza

               -O V E R D R A M A T I C

               -Throws himself to the floor,curses the world, sheds a few tears

                               American Food

               -Seriously. Anything fromChipotle

               -His favourite thing to getwould be a burrito bowl, so it’s got rice, chicken, beans, cheese, and sourcream

               -Which he’s like HELL YEAH IT’SHEALTHY I’M NOT CHEATING ON MY DIET

               -But, SURPRISE, BITCH. THEPORTION SIZES ARE NOT HEALTHY. Try again later

               -Does not like any form ofcheeseburger though from any place

               -Always too greasy. He canliterally feel his stomach churn just looking at one

               -God forbid any of that greaseruns down his arm. His pERFECT SKIN. NO!

                               Korean Food

               -Dakkochi!

               -They’re grilled chicken skewerscovered in red chili sauce

               -“It’s chicken MC, it’salways healthy” not the amount you’re inhaling them they aren’t

               -As body conscious as he is, hehates veggie crackers

               -They’re just so artificial andreally salty

               -Prefers the real vegetableinstead

*JAEHEE

               -Logically fruit has no reasonto be on a pizza

               -It’s a conflicting taste forher mouth and she doesn’t quite know where to place it

               -All she knows is wow she doesnot like it

               -Maybe it’s the crunch thatshouldn’t be there??

                               American Food

               -TIRAMISU

               -It’s freaking made up ofladyfingers, rum, and coffee. All in one custard dessert.

               -Why in the hell would she notenjoy that???

               -She hates nachos

               -Hear me out, she’s tried themonce at your request and immediately despised them

               -They’re so messy and the chipsget soggy

               -And the cheese just tastes soartificial, it’s gross to her

                               Korean Food

               -Her guilty pleasures are chapsalyakgwa (Korean sweet cakes)

               -They’re cakes made from honey,sesame oil, and wheat flour and they taste like glAZED DONUTS

               -AND WHAT DO DONUTS GO WELLWITH? COFFEE.

               -She doesn’t really like MulNaengmyeon, which is noodles in ice soup

               -It’s not that the flavour isn’tnice or anything, it’s that it’s so cold

               -Dear god if she’s already alittle cold, after eating this it’s like she’s in Antarctica

*JUMIN:

               -He’s had some expensive, topnotch pizza before

               -So it has a different flavourto it, right?

               -10/10 believe Jumin Han likespineapple on his pizza solely for the reason that he’s high class

               -I bet he’s had fresh pineapplecut up in front of him and placed on his pizza

                               American Food

               -RoOt BeEr FlOaTs

               -Some of the best french vanillabean ice cream

               -And some of the best root beersoda

               -Fancy Ass Root Beer Floats™(Not to mention literally anything you can make into a float. Pineapple juiceand dole whip, amAZING)

               -HATES HOT DOGS

               -               626: It’sprobably because they make him feel submissive, isn’t it?

                               404:you fucking asSHOLE THAT’S NOT IT

               -Hates the fact that it’s abunch of things just…. mashed together

               -And the textURE IS WEIRD.Uncooked they’re just slimy and floppy and just e w

                               Korean Food

               -He likes Dolsot Bibimbap!

               -It’s a hotpot mixed rice, with sautéedvegetables and toasted seaweed flakes, and sesame seeds!

               -Sometimes his saltiness isn’tenough to cover for his food, so he adds chili paste

               -But he doesn’t like ColdBibimbap

               -Something about it being colddidn’t make him happy

               -Possibly because it didn’t feellike a warm loving meal which he subconsciously just wANTS

               - why did i do that to myself

*SAEYOUNG:

               -Isn’t it like lowkey meme-y tohave pineapple on your pizza nowadays??

               -He’d definitely have it onthere

               -Does he like it? Yeah itdoesn’t bother him, the crunch is nice

               -Definitely not the same asputting Honey Buddah chips on there but hey it works

                               American Food

               -LITERALLY ANY KIND OF MEXICANFOOD

               -I can see him just coming homewith a large cardboard box completely stuffed with homemade tacos

               -Always trying to make some forhimself at home and setting the damn tortillas on fire

               -HATES SALTWATER TAFFY

               -As good as the flavours are,all he can think about is how hARD THEY ARE TO CHEW

               -Has flashbacks about the timehe got his teeth practically glued shut because he put too many in his mouth atonce

                               Korean Food

               -When he actually eats“real food”, he likes to snack on Hotteok!

               -They’re deep fried treats, onesavory and one sweet!

               -He prefers the savory onebecause it’s salty, it’s filled with glass noodles and garlic pork

               -The saltiness stays in tunewith his HBC so his “tongue wouldn’t get confused”

               -HE HATES HONEY BUTTER CRUNCHYRICE BAR SNACKS

               -“Saeyoung, they could bebetter for you than-” “MC DON’T YOU DARE EVEN SAY IT”

               -Doesn’t care what flavour thepackage says, they are NOT. THE. SAME. And he HATES THEM

*V:

               -I think the random crunch onhis pizza would throw him off

               -If you like it he’ll completelyrespect you and probably force himself to eat it for your sake

               -Otherwise I think he’drespectfully decline it

               -If they’re separate, he canhandle it, just not together

                               American Food

               -Oh my god he loves literallyany kind of pie

               -Searches the world during histravels to find the best little bakery shops for pies

               -His favourite is probably applepie because he loves the cinnamon flavour as well!

               -WARM APPLE PIE CAN WARM UP THE HEARTMC

               -I take it back, there is onepie he doesn’t like

               -SWEET POTATO

               -HATES IT SO MUCH. It’s just thethought that this…vegetable is now in a pie… that should be fruity…andit’s not….

               -It’s just the THOUGHT OF IT MC.He refuses to even try it, that’s how much he hates the thought

                               Korean Food

               -Yaki Mandu! Which is deep friend mandu

               -It’s filled with pork, glassnoodles, and a variety of salty seasonings

               -A nice change against his sweettooth for pies, definitely

               -But dislikes Jjinmadu, which issteamed mandu dumplings

               -They’re filled with things suchas pork, onions, and mung bean noodles

               -But something about the textureof the noodle-like wrappers feels weird in his mouth

               -Cut it open and take the thingsout then hell yeah he’s good to go

*SAERAN:

               -Probably one of those jERKS WHOFIGHT YOU OVER LIKING PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA

               -“FRUIT. DOESN’T. BELONG.THERE. MC.”

               -LIKE STOP BEING LOGICAL AND EATTHE GOD DAMN PINEAPPLE CHUNK

               - IT’S AMAZING OKAY

               -Has literally walked out of thehouse when you told him you’ve ordered pineapple on the pizza

                               American Food

               -Honestly, he really likes s'mores

               -Something about the melting marshmallowmakes him and his taste buds happy

               - that and being so close tothe fire, damn pyro

               -He mixes it up and triesdifferent chocolate flavours, like caramel or cookies and cream

               -But dear god, keep him awayfrom those “weirdos” on Thanksgiving with the Turducken

               -“WHY CAN’T THEY JUST PICKONE. JUST ONE BIRD. WHY DO YOU NEED TO SHOVE TWO OTHER BIRDS INTO ONE?WHY?”

               -It’s just so nasty to him. Andit’s waaaaay too much food

               -He can be mean but thinks thepeople shoving two more birds into one is just w r o n g

                               Korean Food

               -He really likes to snack onKancho Choco Biscuits

               -Which are these small littlebiscuits(cookies) with milk chocolate inside

               -Pours the whole box into hismouth some days because he cAN’T GET THEM IN THERE FAST ENOUGH

               -Dislikes Tornado Potatoes

               -Mainly because he thinks it’s awaste of time? People tend to like it because it “looks cool”according to him

               -It’s a fried and seasoned potatocut into a spiral and spread on a stick

               -“MC if I wanted friedpotatoes I’d go get some french fries, they’re easier to eat god dammit”

                                                     Masterlist

[scrapyardboyfriends]

17 July 2017

[The B&B with Robert, Diane and Doug]

ROBERT: *Sad Sack Mode Activate* - Day drinking, check. Mindlessly making paper airplanes, check. Slumped in a chair being lazy instead of working, check.

DIANE: Robert! Two episodes in a row, I’m not used to so much time with you! Why aren’t you at work?!

ROBERT: *My life is over Face* What’s the point? I only ever work for Plot reasons anyway, Jimmy won’t miss me. Won’t even know I’m not there over the sound of his gastro orchestra.

DIANE: The point is, you can’t just sit around feeling sorry for yourself. The Plot will never move on if you’re just moping and avoiding it. Besides, drinking is what got you into this mess. *Takes glass* so let’s stop that right now. #VoiceOfReason

DOUG: It’s barely even midday Robert! Have some dignity! Like Diane said, it’s the only way the Plot will move forward.

ROBERT: Says the man whose best mate is a vegetable. I wish I had a vegetable to talk to. Or a fruit. Do you have any pineapples? Leo once drew a picture of Aaron with a pineapple shaped head. I fell in love with him all over again when I realized…

DIANE: Hey, no need to take it out on us. You’ll need your family around you if you’re gonna get through this.

ROBERT: Plot!Family more like. When are you ever there for me otherwise and barely even then. And what do you know about it? You can’t possibly have ever been more heartbroken than me. #Extra

DIANE: Plenty. Remember that time I cheated on your dad and he went off to Spain and died? #RIPJack (#RIPClive) You’re not the first person to have their heart broken.

ROBERT: *Extra Sad Sack Mode Activate* Aaron was my whole life. *Voice Crack* Now I have nothing. #GifableLine That felt good to get out. It’s the absolute unhealthy truth but I also want the audience to feel sorry for me. Not too sorry mind you, so...the only thing I do have is two pensioners pretending to know what it feels like to lose Aaron Dingle. Let me tell you, it’s fucking awful. It’s obvious you two gave up ages ago. If he left *nods at Doug* it would take you a week to even notice. Unlike me. I notice every single second and it’s terrible. #ThisPlotIsTheWorst #PleaseLetUsNotBeCoira

DIANE: That’s enough. If you carry on, you’ll really lose audience sympathy. I might be old, but I can still give you a clip round the ear to keep you from messing up this Plot more than you already have.

DOUG: Hey, our relationship might not be perfect but at least we’re willing to work at it. That’s the trouble with you young folk. No staying power. (FANDOM: Please don’t joke!) I learned how to dance and got seasick for her!

ROBERT: I burned a hundred grand for Aaron…

DOUG: Wait...what?!

ROBERT: Nevermind, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I wish Aaron and I could be boring like you…

DIANE: *My Stepson is dick Face*

ROBERT: No, no, not boring...umm….normal? Yeah, I just want to be normal. No baby plots and self harm side plots and wrench throwing and money burning. I just want to have cute fluffy domestic scenes, maybe get caught having sex a lot like Nicola and Jimmy…

DIANE: It’s okay, pet, it’s what we all want.

DOUG: Let me get you a coffee, get you sobered up...because that’s what people should do with a drunk and heartbroken Robert. #StillBitter

ROBERT: I’m fine (I’m totally not fine). I just need to be on my own (I’m terrible on my own. I need Aaron). Need to get my head straight (So I can resume Operation Fight For Aaron!)

DIANE AND DOUG: *This is not going to go well at all Face*

[Outside the Cafe with Robert and Rebecca]

REBECCA: *Reads a book on pregnancy* - someone has to. It says I should have started showing already but I’m still wearing skinny jeans and heals so….#LetTheTheoryLive

ROBERT: Having lunch alone so I can make a scene, but not a public one, only to remind the audience that even though they pity me for losing Aaron, I’m still an asshole? Or is it because you have no friends? I have no friends. I know what that’s like. Maybe I could join you? Remember before this Plot when we were kind of almost friends, except not, because it was all leading to this Hell Plot anyway?

REBECCA: I have a great Plotship with your sister actually! But...I was just leaving. I need to make the audience believe that I’m rising above this, because I’m a good person, better than you.

ROBERT: Not so fast. I’ve not stepped over the line yet. If I don’t remind the audience that I’m an insensitive jerk, they’d have forgotten by the time I drunkenly fall down the stairs next week and have an epiphany to apologize to you.

REBECCA: Look, I’m really trying to overcome the fact that your fans hate me so much. I try to be sincere, but somehow it never comes out like that. I don’t know why. But let me try again. I’m really sorry for the fact that this Plot destroyed your marriage.

ROBERT: That’s your best shot? Really?

REBECCA: Yes, truly. (EMILY: Look, this is really hard with my limited acting range, okay!)

ROBERT: Right, let me speak for my fans here and tell you what they’ve been seeing. This is what you’ve wanted all along.

REBECCA: What? Really?

ROBERT: You think that now that Aaron is out of the way, I’ll be all yours. You’ve had people panicking for months over us hooking up again or hell, even getting together properly.

REBECCA: You’re kidding right?

ROBERT: Don’t act innocent. The fans don’t buy it and neither do I. Look, it’s not gonna happen, because I love Aaron more than life itself. I even proved that by nearly drowning in a lake trying to save him. I wish I’d never gone near you. I hate this Plot for putting me in that situation.

REBECCA: *Blink Blink Blink* You don’t have to be like this. Look how reasonable and mature I’m being about all of this. Does the audience love me yet? *Blink Blink Blink* I’m sure Aaron will come around eventually. Even if your fans hate me, they love the two of you together. If he doesn’t come around and you don’t work through all of your issues, then what even was the point of this Plot?

ROBERT: I don’t know! But how is he supposed to get over the impossible situation we’re all in with this Plot when it’s not going away! *Gestures toward her flat stomach*

REBECCA: Look! I was told that they prop people lost the pregnancy padding. They’re looking for it, okay! And it’s not my fault the Plot decided to impregnate me with YOUR baby!?

ROBERT: Yeah, but is it mine? Because I’ve just now realized in my drunken state, that the only confirmation I have of that, is your word. (FANDOM: *Sreaming* Get a DNA test!!!) I mean...you slept with Ross before and after our one night stand….

REBECCA: You’re making too much sense Robert. Your goal of being a jerk isn’t working well enough. Try harder.

ROBERT: Sorry, back on track. All I have is your word that the baby is mine. A desperate slapper like you, it could be anyone! - but let’s be real, it would probably be Ross’s - #LetTheTheoryLive

REBECCA: *Slaps Robert* *Leaves with heels clicking on the pavement*

ROBERT: *I didn’t mean literal slapper Face* - ow! -

[Outside the Shop with Robert, Diane and Doug]

DOUG: *talks about their boring things that Robert wishes he could be talking to Aaron about*

*Robert walks by with a bag slung over his shoulder*

DIANE: Robert! Are you moving back in!?

ROBERT: *gratuitous ass shot #1 in the good jeans* - for the fans - Nothing gets past you!

DIANE: But...it’s Aaron’s house remember? You had a whole side plot about money that made it his house. If only you had paid for it with your secret stash! Then you would still have a home. #VoiceOfReason

DOUG: Some would say just barging in would be breaking and entering!

ROBERT: Are you going to call the police?

DIANE: Of course not! I remember you’re technically my family this week!

ROBERT: *gratuitous front shot in the good jeans* Then we haven’t got a problem. Besides, Aaron and I basically get off on each other breaking and entering. I mean we met because he and Ross stole my car. It’s basically foreplay. This will totally work because I’ve decided to take your advice Doug. Thanks for prompting me into this Plot Point. You’re a real pal. You and that prized marrow. Aaron’s angry right now, but if he sees I’m not giving up, if he sees that I’m literally squatting in his house and not giving him any space at all, then he’ll obviously want to get back with me. Me hovering around him every second will absolutely let him get his head around everything. Yep! Well, I have to try anyway.

DOUG: *Maybe it’ll work out Face*

DIANE: *Maybe it’ll blow up in his face Face*

ROBERT: *gratuitous ass shot #2 in the good jeans* - for the fans, because they are getting so little these days… #ThisPlotIsTheWorst

[loveiscosmicsin]

The Final Frontier

Older Glompto/Promptio is a blessing, and yet my heart’s in a drought. Give me lots of content for this ship and those two in their thirties, please and thank you. Ao3 Link

-

“You had me at hello, goodbye and everything in between.” - Shannon L. Alder

-

Prompto Argentum had the perfect plan.

It’s a mission that had constantly been on his mind for the last five weeks. Weeks spent rehearsing in front of Iris, enduring much-needed pep talk from Noctis and Ignis, and kicking nasty thoughts of not being good enough. All that’s left is for him to just go for it. Go big or go home sort of deal, go where no man has gone before: asking Gladiolus Amicitia to tie the knot.

Yet, Prompto got tongue-tied when he felt ready to propose.

The timing was never the issue, Gladiolus’ undivided attention easy to summon for brief periods away from rebuilding Lucis and shadowing the king. Instead of feeling confident after streaming late-night videos of best proposals of all time, Prompto felt a little out of his league. Gladiolus was out of his league. But for whatever reason, they’re been steady for ten years.

There wasn’t any doubt in Prompto’s mind that Gladiolus was the future Mr. Argentum or he himself be Mr. Amicitia. It didn’t matter. The surnames clicked better than what he expected after a moment’s deliberation. Anyone who knew how the Sworn King’s Shield was with words would want him on the spot. Gladiolus always made it look so easy with how he connected to people and it’s not even reflected on the fact that he’s a blue blood. The impressive eagle tattoo and the muscles were something a little extra for Prompto to appreciate.

That’s why if Prompto was to propose to his boyfriend then he’s going to take the grease-monkey goddess’s mantra and do it right. Because they’re practically a little bit married, just needed a ring to go with it.

He may not have a theater troupe to reenact a favorite film or a carriage drawn by a team of glorious chocobos, but Prompto’s heart was in the right place. He was ninety-seven percent positive that Gladiolus wasn’t a fan of outlandish ceremonies. He had to make the moment special, just enough to stun him for a good minute before saying yes.

Prompto met Gladiolus when he was in high school, fifteen and eighteen respectively; Noctis introduced the two of them. The bodyguard definitely fit the bill for intimidating thug more than bodyguard, that was probably the point. The blond thought of him as nothing more than mean-spirited guy who could break cinder blocks with his head without batting an eye, and there were times that that assumption was justified: Gladiolus was a jerk at times. But Prompto had never met a more driven and compassionate man.

Maybe that’s why Prompto was drawn to him and didn’t realize it at first. The livewire was determined to get Gladiolus to crack a smile and laugh at his puns, bad as they were and recycled as they were. (Of all people, Ignis laughed at his jokes long before Gladiolus did, Ignis.) Occasionally, the joking got Prompto in trouble and Gladiolus had always been there to bail him out.

It was probably love somewhere between the lines of that relationship. Maybe it happened when Gladiolus playfully returned the jabs or the day the two laughed to the brink of tears and the older man noticed that the blond had dimples, calling them pretty. Or when Gladiolus suddenly recited poetry word for word and Prompto had no idea what he was saying but listened because he was so pleasant to listen to. This might be reaching, but it had to be that day when he and Noctis showed up at Prompto’s house unannounced, a bloody gash over the Shield’s eye and a startled prince at his side. No, it had to be during the epic road trip where Prompto proved he could carry his own weight and had Gladiolus’ back in battle. Maybe it got more serious when the world got fucked up beyond belief some years later.

Prompto sighed into his hands, blowing exaggerated huffs of air at imaginary crumbs on the counter. Now wasn’t the time to be wistful of the memories. Long story short, they had been through thick and thin, the final chapter to the King of Light’s story recorded for the legends, and the lucky ones got their happy ending, remembering the beloved that helped pave the way to this conclusion. But tales don’t end there, new ones had to be written. This tale had just begun when the blond let it simmer on the back burner of his head. It was what he wanted to do when this was over, only to have recently shared the idea to his friends.

He stared at his palm, a ring crafted of orichalcum with a matte finish, a relic he had picked up during his travels. It wasn’t around any skeleton’s finger and it definitely wasn’t the Ring of the Lucii 2.0 so Prompto can safely declare it safe to wear. Though the thought didn’t occur to him until after the light was restored to the world, it screamed ‘instant noodle-loving, Coleman pack rat bibliophile’ when he found it. Not literally, of course. The size was perfect and it didn’t look like just any conventional wedding ring.

Prompto dropped the ring into a Cup Noodle he just prepared and buried it in the stringy noodles and vegetables. He knew Gladiolus loved to eat them right after a workout. At one point, the big guy admitted that he loved Cup Noodles almost a little more than he loved Prompto. He could hear the wedding bells now.

It was just too bad that someone got to the noodles first.

“Nooooct! Nooooo!” Prompto cried out, lunging to secure the stolen cargo as the hapless Lucian king tilted the cup up, soup and all going down in two gulps.

As crazy he was for thinking it at that moment, Prompto should’ve guarded the Cup Noodle with his life.

“What’s with you?” Noctis demanded as he leaped back, dropping the Cup Noodle.

It was all in vain. The bottom of the container was empty. The soft, merry harmony of wedding bells that had went through the gunslinger’s head became a jarring cacophony of cymbals being repeatedly clashed together by a band of not-so-talented goblins.

Prompto wanted to tear his hair out, but decided against it remembering who his biological father was. He would like to keep a full head of hair for as long as he could, not go bald early. “The ring was in that!”

Noctis went pale as a sheet, clutching his stomach. It didn’t take him long to figure out what ring he spoke of. “You got to be kidding me!”

“You didn’t feel that going down? At all?”

The king balled up his shirt, looking unwell. “No.”

Instead of throwing an obscene comment accusing Noctis of swallowing things bigger than rings, Prompto defeatedly threw himself on the counter. “I can’t believe you ate the ring, man.”

“Ate what?”

Gladiolus entered the kitchen with a towel draped over his neck, shirtless and glowing radiantly from post-exercise. The blond’s jaw would be on the floor at the sight if he wasn’t so wired from the fact the ring was in his best friend’s stomach.

“The noodles!” Prompto yelped, his voice cracking as he trashed the evidence. “That I made for you!”

“That’s pretty generous of you, but I was thinking over what you said about eating healthy.” Gladiolus announced as he walked straight for the refrigerator. He pulled out a plastic container. “I’m gonna stick with a kupoberry salad for lunch.”

“Yeah? That’s great, honey boo bear because I care about you staying healthy.” Prompto patted his boyfriend’s rear with a grimace though the professed sentiment didn’t come close to matching his inner thoughts:

Whaddaya mean you’re going healthy now? You just gotta throw a curve ball at me, don’t cha? Why today of all days you decided to listen to me? At any rate, it doesn’t even matter. Big guy could’ve swallowed that ring or dumped it down the drain.

Prompto forced a laugh and as if there was any way that Gladiolus had overheard his inner monologue, he added, “Love you.” He winced, despising how weak that sounded aloud.

Gladiolus raised an eyebrow at this, reaching out to touch the shorter man’s forehead before laying a big smooch on it. “Love you, too. Catch you later.” He shook the salad in a sort of inconspicuous farewell to the king and Noctis meekly waved back.

Once Gladiolus was out of earshot, Prompto gave the finger guns and clicked his tongue, “Start gagging.”

Noctis crossed his arms with a scowl. “Prompto, I can’t just throw up on cue.”

“Noct, I love you, man.” Prompto, undeterred and unsatisfied by that answer, laid his hands on the king’s shoulders. “You’re the greatest buddy in the whole universe and I couldn’t have picked a better best man, but that ring is coming out of you, one way or another.” He pointed to a package of bran muffins. Fiber always got the job done and best friends don’t stick fingers in each other’s mouths, induced vomiting’s just a little too far. “Eat these.”

Be it that maybe Prompto was ten years early or ten years too late, he needed to hear it from Gladiolus’ lips. Some part of him is relieved that he could delay the proposal a little longer.

“Anything for you, I guess,” Noctis sighed, taking a bite out of a muffin with disinterest. That piece fell out of his mouth. “Ugh, stale. You know, you went about this all wrong. Said 'today’s the day I’m gonna spill my guts to the majestic eagle guy’.” He picked up a muffin and threw it at the blond’s shoulder. “'Noct, can you do it for me? The words aren’t coming out.’”

“I don’t say say that.”

Noctis gave him a stern look.

“Okay, okay, once that ring’s out, then I’m going to propose. For realsies this time.”

Obviously, the anxious gunslinger couldn’t follow Noctis all day, they both had other things to take care of. Lucis couldn’t stabilize all on its own and the king left after choking down four muffins. Besides, Noctis promised to let the blond know when the ring would be ready. Well, that was long before he set his phone off to silent and Prompto’s calls had to go to voicemail. That was criminal. Still, there are other ways around this, a second assurance.

“I came as soon as I could. What’s the emergency?”

Prompto may had told a tiny fib to get Ignis to come over. He felt a little guilty for that.

Before the prince consort could remove his jacket, Prompto took his hand and laid a box of sandwich bags on it.

“Iggy, when Noct poops, you go in there and scoop it up in one of these and call me ASAP.”

Ignis weighed the box of bags, running the clear packaging between his fingers with an undecipherable expression and gave the blond a sarcastic, “Ah-ha.”

“Please, Iggy,” the blond clapped his hands over his head, knowing that the gesture would fall short in the blind man’s range of perception. “I’m begging you.”

“I fail to understand the nature of this request,” Ignis deadpanned, “though I doubt your explanation or Noct’s would prove worthwhile.”

Prompto made a noise of discontent.

The corners of the prince’s lips curled in amusement. “But if you were this forthright with Gladio, I’m most certain he would appreciate it.”

The blond gasped. “The all-knowing daemon strikes again.” Whatever excuse he had to gain Ignis’ attention, it wasn’t anywhere related to the proposal and Noctis hadn’t been with him since this morning. Ignis had eyes and ears where they shouldn’t be other than on his body, but he knew everything going on.

Ignis frowned at the nickname received about a seventh sense that emerged from his blindness. “Enough of that. I receive plenty provocation from my husband. This is your future at stake here, Prompto.”

“Thanks for your blessings all-knowing one.” Prompto whispered, hoping he wouldn’t be heard as the older man had his back to him. “Don’t poison our water supply, burn our crops, and deliver a plague onto this house.”

Ignis flicked him across the forehead. “I heard that.”

-

“What? You’re leaving?” Prompto bolted upright from his comfortable position on Gladiolus’ chest. He immediately regretted it when he saw the room spin.

Gladiolus nodded, stroking the blond’s shoulder. “Gave you a heads-up three weeks ago, remember? You’re the first person I told.”

Prompto searched the older man’s face in silence.

The Shield chuckled. “You don’t remember, huh?” He held out a finger inches away from the blond’s nose. “You’re giving me that same look you made three weeks ago.”

“Does a behemoth ever forget?” Gladiolus opened his mouth and Prompto interjected, “No, no, they don’t do there. I didn’t forget.” He scoffed, “Pfft. But refresh my memory where you’re going and how long again?”

As Gladiolus explained, suddenly all the words became white noise and it would’ve been the perfect opportunity for major ad-libbing, Prompto’s mind drifted off to a whole separate train of thought:

Ohhh… That’s why Ignis had me try on clothes and brought like five outfits. Knew they were a little too fancy for casual wear. Still can’t get over how that man has a great sense of fashion no matter what. Did Gladio tell him what we’re doing just so I can be reminded?

“So,” Gladiolus broke Prompto out of his thoughts and none the wiser of how he spaced out completely, “are we still good for dinner tonight? Like I said, I head out pretty early.”

“Yeah, sounds perfect, big guy.” Prompto grinned, patting his boyfriend’s hand. Or it would’ve been if he had the damn ring on him! All the more reason to get it as soon as possible.

-

“It’s been six hours and you still don’t feel you gotta go?” Prompto exclaimed once he finally cornered the wayward king.

“And whatever you told Ignis earlier made my life harder.” Noctis sighed, putting his hands on his hips. “Surprisingly, he can’t be deterred from the false calls you pulled. He wants results.”

“I know, I know!” Frustrated, the plucky blond threw his hands up. “But without the ring, this would be a bust.”

“Better think of something. Gladio’s going to be gone for a month.”

“A month?” Prompto was desperate, but not before an idea hit him. “What if I just cut you open?” Noctis was stupefied by the suggestion so the other man added sternly, “If you love us, man, you would do this.”

“Surgery?” The king was flabbergasted. “L-look, just let buy you a new one…”

“That’s not the same!” The blond rubbed his chin, eying the king’s midsection. “I knew that watching the medical dramas would come in handy one day. You won’t feel a thing. Probably.”

“You’re not performing surgery of any kind.” Noctis narrowed his eyes. “Why couldn’t you just slip the ring in a book and give that to him?”

“Um, dude, that’s like how you proposed to Iggy. Learned Braille in secret and wrote the question out yourself. It’ll be copying if I did something like that.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Rude. At least one of us don’t got a ring in his belly. That’s new.”

The king rubbed his forehead into his palm. “Are you sure you put the ring in those noodles?”

“Yeah, and that’s how we got here.”

“Fine,” Noctis sighed, shaking his head. “But I’ll do anything, but not surgery.” He added immediately before Prompto pressed further.

-

“So when I asked if we’re good for dinner, I thought it’ll be just the two of us. Uh, no offense, Your Majesties.”

“Pardon the intrusion on your soirée,” Ignis elegantly swirled a glass of white wine between his fingers. “We thought this would be a more fitting get-together before sending you off.”

“Don’t mind me.” Noctis poked at his plate in annoyance. “Prompto won me over with a free meal… by candle light. Real romantic.”

“Is there a reason why you’re not touching your food?” Gladiolus asked.

“I had a big lunch.” The king replied, cheekily, shoving vegetables into a cloth napkin.

“Right.”

Gladiolus had made reservations at a high-end restaurant. Prompto made it a condition that Noctis be present while Ignis wished to be a spectator to the grand proposal. At a compromise and invitation, it was a double date. Everyone was dressed in their finest tonight.

Prompto barely tasted his food and water did nothing to save his parched throat. He didn’t want to risk touching Gladiolus with clammy hands. “I got something really important to ask you and it can’t wait until you get back.” After receiving subtle nods from Noctis and Ignis, Prompto took a knee, albeit rather slowly, his foot was trapped around a leg of his chair. He wiped his hands down. “Gladiolus Amicitia, will you marry me? Come on, crown citizens, let me hear you! Tap your glasses in the name of love!”

Ignis commenced with the polite chinking of glass tapping before the patrons of the establishment joined in. He turned his head when Noctis didn’t join right away and the king groaned.

“Wow, I wonder if I was this obnoxious before proposing to Ignis.” He said under his breath.

“You knighted your husband Gentleman of the Bedchamber before crowning him as the prince so shush!” Prompto sniped in a hushed whisper.

“I’d appreciate if everyone forgot that time.” Ignis protested calmly, voicing his dissent in the word choice. “Or choose not to mention it in my presence.” The tapping of glasses ended and the entire room waited on bated breath.

In all the commotion, Prompto realized that he was forgetting something. He laid his hand on the king’s stomach from beneath the table. Noctis gave him a look, but it wasn’t any less uncomfortable for Prompto either. It gave him some comfort in knowing where the ring was. This was more for Prompto’s belief in luck and reassurance that this would be nothing less of perfection.

“I don’t have the ring on me,” Prompto admitted in a half-truth to the Shield. Technically, it was in someone. “But trust me, it’s nearby and I’m pretty serious about this. About you.” He clutched the front of Noctis’ suit tighter and prayed. “About us.”

Gladiolus grinned. “Yeah, I’ll marry you.”

“What? Just like that?” Prompto lowered his hand. “Did someone rat me out?”

“Nah, ever since you asked me where we’re meeting in the afterlife, figured you’re gonna pop the question eventually.”

“At the ice-cold pool of Jetty’s right next to the chocobo farm! You do remember!”

“We ain’t dead yet so don’t try going before me.” Gladiolus rolled his eyes, but Prompto wasn’t fazed by it, not when the Shield’s grin was the brightest he’s ever seen. “I love how you purposely sing off-key in the shower. I love that you pour cereal while wearing one of my favorite jerseys. I love how your smile’s liquid sunshine even when the weather’s shit. And nothing’s sweeter than that look you get on your face when you gotta show me a cute animal you caught on film.”

Prompto’s stomach had performed a hundred somersaults and at least a dozen backflips by now. “Oh em gee.” His eyes were starting to water, yet he couldn’t avert his gaze, smirking endlessly like a fool in love.

“I love you even more when you say things like that.” Gladiolus fondly stroked the blond’s goatee. “When I’m not feeling by best, you boil the best ramen and we eat straight from the pot. Where I’m getting at is… Yeah, I love you and I want the rest of my life to be with you.”

Prompto reached up and weaved the Shield’s loose ponytail between his fingers. “H-hey, I’m supposed to be the one proposing here. You’re stealing my thunder.”

Gladiolus inched closer until their foreheads were touching. “Needed to set the record straight,” he whispered huskily. “Before we get hitched.”

When they kissed, whatever doubts he had before, it was the perfect marriage proposal in Prompto’s mind. Applause went off like fireworks. If he wasn’t on the floor, his right foot would be raised just like in the rom-coms.

“Was that perfect or what?” Prompto was beaming from ear to ear as he waltzed to Noctis’ side as his fiancé and the prince consort made way towards coat check.

Noctis was walking exceedingly slower than usual. “I’ll give you that…”

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Need to head to the restroom… right now.”

“The ring’s coming? We’re having the ring today?” Prompto cupped the king’s stomach. What timing. “Hey, big guy, Ignister, we’ll be back.”

Gladiolus nodded, waving a hand that bore a ring fashioned from the foil of after-dinner mints, a temporary accessory until the real ring could be procured, before the older man turned his attention back to the counter. Ignis called the ring charming and vintage, praising the ring maker. It still made Prompto giddy with joy as he pointed it out to a random couple in passing:

“That’s my fiancé.”

And once more to every guest, employee, stuffed animal, and inanimate object along the way for good measure. He was certain to indicate where said fiancé was even when he had to squint, turn his head, and visually and physically lead them there.

“What are you doing?” Noctis’ face was flushed, ducking away before people got a good look of his face. “I don’t need you in there!”

“Of course I’m coming in with you! You’re having Gladio’s ring. I can’t miss that for the world.” The plucky blond threw his arm around the king’s shoulders. “You know, Noct, this is the best day of my life. Scratch that, I mean, I still have other milestones to look forward to like being a dad. Maybe. Still gotta talk to my future hubby about that. And uh, launching my own magazine, but I’ll get there eventually. I’m not rushing this at all.”

-

“So that’s what you meant when you said it was nearby.”

“But I promise you I washed, steam-cleaned, and polished it a good thousand times before giving it to you.”

The Shield chuckled, watching the band glimmer in the light. “Well, I’m always on Noct’s ass.”

“And now you got a bit of him around your finger.”

Gladiolus gave Prompto a hard look, one that spoke of how unimpressed he had to learn of this a year later.

“Right. That was bad, but think of it this way: not everyone can say their wedding ring was blessed by the King of Light. I mean, once it finally cruised through the digestive system and he pushed it out, it still counts. We couldn’t been happier. Right?”

“Ask me again in another ten years.”

“Gladioooo!”

[ex-priest]

(she’s all out to get you!)

part five of my queen-themed depression posts and i’m absolutely sure this won’t be the last. everything hurts. like naked girls on bicycles under the sun (i want to ride my bicycle bicycle i want to ride my) scorching and blazing and skin sticking to metal and its all one big ouch. today i proved to myself how much of an idiot i can be guys i am nothing and no one and i will never amount to anything! just breezing my way through life without an inkling of what the fuck i’m doing and will do! most of the time the farthest i think of into the future is what i’m going to have for dinner the next day and why does everything feel so bleak because of that? sure, i don’t have dreams or aspirations or any semblance of a will to live, and what about it? i wish i could sashay away on a red carpet, my high pony tail swishing behind me. get turned into a meme for generations to come so no one will forget me when i die. oh god i’m going to die. everything just feels like it’s piling up tonight and i want to lash and and throw stuff and jump off the third floor and break my foot and get sympathy and make people look at me beep beep here’s me in a wheelchair! what the fuck am i even writing about? i’ve failed feminists. i’m sorry whateverthefuck your name was i cannot remember for the life of me but i’m sorry i’m writing about how much i want to fucking die instead of writing the story of women and putting ourselves in history. but whatever. let’s write about me, and me crying my eyes out for no apparent reason, and me having literally no one else in my life! (live alone die alone everything else is an illusion) but this is not a fucking indie teen movie about boys who draw on their chemistry books and girls who smile with too bright teeth! my life is a comedic biopic that will end in tragedy. i’m in that part of the movie where the audience is starting to get bored and are leaving the cinema one by one, in pairs, in threes. (sparked and faded). soon there will be no one left in the theater to witness the grand ending of me just staring blankly into the stars desperately wishing i was with them. physically, not figuratively. i literally want to be floating in space. in another life i’d be an astronaut. study the stars like brianfuckingmay. unfortunately i do not live in that other life and i’m stuck with one that has rendered me into a vegetative state. just coma things. when you want to wake up and you’re screamingscreamingscreaming but there’s nobody there oh god i wish i believed in a god there’s nobody there and one day someone’s going to pull the plug and you’ll still be screaming for a god to come save you And She Will Not Come. garbled letters and smashed keyboards. grrrs and aaas and whatever the literary equivalent of internal depression banshee sobs is. i wish i could talk to someone about all of this, how my thoughts don’t look like me, just like what jacques lacan said. i am trapped in the mirror stage. there is toomuchtoomuch all at the same time and when i look at the mirror i see two eyes a nose and a mouth? like what the fuck is up with that? i can’t do this. i can’t do this. i can’t do this. i can’t do this. i can’t do this. i can’t do this. i can’t do this. i can’t do this. i can’t do this. i can’t do this. i used to be the love of my life but i can’t stand the sight of myself anymore. it reminds me too much of what i have lost and will lose.  (please take it away from me because you don’t know how much it means to me)

[kirikinni]

Gang? What Gang?- Taekook fluff

“You will not believe what happened to me,” Taehyung exclaimed loudly as he barreled into the kitchen. He was carrying shopping bags on both his arms. It was a known fact that Taehyung just did not possess the patience to make two trips, especially after work.

“Please don’t tell me you got arrested or ate something someone gave you or brought home another cat,” Jungkook replied in a tone that suggested there were instances where these kinds of things did in fact happen.

“No, no. It wasn’t anything like that this time. I made new friends.” Taehyung continued in his excited way of speaking. He placed the grocery bags on the floor near the fridge and started unloading them into the fridge and the cabinets.

“That’s good I guess, where exactly did you make these friend babe?” Jungkook asked, he was cutting onions and they were making his eyes sting. He couldn’t see clearly.

“Oh at the supermarket after I finished shopping and came out...” Taehyung started to tell his story but was cut off by a loud cry from Jungkook.

“Shit,” Jungkook called out as he had managed to cut his finger by mistake.

“Tae, go and get me a Band-Aid please,” Jungkook said and all talk about Taehyung’s new friends was forgotten.

Taehyung brought the bandages to Jungkook who was washing his hand under the sink. Jungkook wiped it with Dettol and cleaned it before he placed the bandage over it.

“You really do need to be more careful love,” Taehyung said, kissing Jungkook’s forehead. Jungkook was a little shorter than he was and it proved to be the perfect height for Taehyung.  “Sit, I’ll cut.”

Jungkook gladly accepted and jumped onto the counter, Taehyung moved the cutting board closer to where Jungkook was sitting so he could continue to talk to him while he cut the onions.

“How was your day?” Taehyung asked.

“Okay, this one kid in my class is annoying me so much. I mean you signed up for this class why are you disrupting it? Like I would understand if it was one of those forced to take classes in school but you are literally signing up to come and learn how to dance.” Jungkook said exasperatedly.

“Was it the kid with the Harry Potter glasses and the always bandaged hand?” Taehyung asked - he knew all the kids who would go to Jungkook for classes and Jungkook knew all the kids in Taehyungs senior literature class.

“No, that’s the kid I like. He’s such a sweet little thing, he’s so timid and scared he’s going to mess up but dancing runs through his veins. There’s not a step he can’t master and he has such grace when he moves.” Jungkook stopped to sigh. “I enjoy watching him dance.”

“You talk about the kid like he’s some kind of prodigy Kookie,” Taehyung said laughing.

“He might as well be, I love him.”

“Aww, what have I been replaced?” Taehyung asked placing his free hand on his chest, feigning hurt.

“Ya I think so, the kid is cuter,” Jungkook replied smirking.

“But he can’t fuck you like I can,” Taehyung said back to him with the same level of smugness.

“Yah Kim Taehyung he’s a kid,” Jungkook yelled and whacked Taehyung on the shoulder. Taehyung just laughed at him and continued to cut.

“Anyway so about the annoying kid, he was literally just throwing things when I got to class and most of the other kids were super annoyed cause like some of them were getting hit with the stuff and when I told him to stop he threw a shoe at me. Can you believe that he threw a fucking shoe at me? So I told him to wait outside and I called his parents. I hope that kid gets in trouble.” Jungkook said crossing his arms and pouting.

“Kookie, he’s a kid don’t be rude,” Taehyung said pointing the knife at Jungkook.

Jungkook put his hands up in surrender not taking his eyes off of the knife, “Sorry mom. I’ll try to be nicer.”

Taehyung finished chopping up the vegetable and he threw them into the pan that was sizzling on the stove. Jungkook got off of the counter claiming that his finger was okay and that he could cook. Jungkook worked on the sauce as Taehyung put the pasta to boil and fried the vegetables and meat together. Once the pasta was cooked and the food was finally ready Jungkook transferred the food into serving dishes and Taehyung took the cutlery and went out to set the table.

“Okay Tae, put on the second season of Shokugeki No Soma. We haven’t even started to watch it yet.” Jungkook said once he had placed the food on the dining table. He served for both himself and Taehyung while Taehyung put on the anime they were currently watching. Jungkook took both plates over to the carpet in front of the TV and sat down to eat. Taehyung joined him once the first episode started to play.

“This tastes so nice, I’m getting a foodgasm.” Taehyung moaned loudly which caused Jungkook to laugh and Jungkook laughing means Taehyung laughing and so they were both laughing like there was no tomorrow.

The boys finished their dinner and resigned to the bedroom. Taehyung had papers to correct and Jungkook had tests to study for, there was a two-year difference between the boys and Jungkook was in his last year of college.

“Tae what’s inflation? Like I know what it is but that’s just a general idea and this textbook is highly useless.” Jungkook asked, confusion getting the best of him.

“It’s what happens when the prices for multiple commodities of an economy increases and so to meet the rise in price the people will need to increase their purchasing power as well,” Taehyung answered without lifting his head from the literature papers he was correcting.

Taehyung had studied business and economics first until he decided that English was more his area and so he ditched it and joined the English courses.

It was past eleven when Taehyung was finally done, he got off the chair and stretched. He looked around and realized that Jungkook wasn’t in the room. He figured that Jungkook must have gone into the dining room to study. He walked out and saw Jungkook scribbling away in his notebook, three textbooks open in front of him.

“Kookie time for bed, c’mon” Taehyung said from behind him and reached forward to close the books.

“Wait hyung, I need to finish this chapter,” Jungkook said stopping Taehyung’s hand.

“Tomorrow morning if you want, you need to sleep.” Taehyung refused to listen and he closed the books but not before he marked the pages where Jungkook was. Jungkook sighed but stood up nonetheless, he was looking at Taehyung strangely and out of nowhere he reached forward and hugged Taehyung. Jungkook wrapped his hands around his waist and pressed his face into Taehyung’s neck, just under his chin. When he pulled back he saw a confused look on Taehyung’s face.

“I love you,” Jungkook said and Taehyung just continued to stare at him. “I thought I’d tell you, I don’t tell you enough.” After saying that Jungkook whispered goodnight and walked to his room. Taehyung was left smiling like an idiot in the dining room. Eventually, he also retired to his own room.

New message from Unknown, 5:45pm 17 th November

“Tae tae, hey.”

          “Who is this?”

“Its Jimin, u know v met at the grocery store.”

           “Oh right, I gave you lift.   So sorry I forgot to save your number”

“It’s a’ight mate, listen I wntd to ask if  u could give me n ma frnds a lift?”

           “Sure man, where are you guys?”

“Thnx, ur a lifesvr. Ill send u location.”

            “Cool okay, I’ll see you guys soon.”

Taehyung switched his phone off and went back to the book he was reading, Jungkook was at school and he had the day off so Taehyung committed himself to finishing his book. His phone buzzed again, he figured it must have been Jimin texting him the location and indeed it was.

“Here’s the loc bro, come soon. Thnx again.”

Taehyung checked the time and realized that he could pick up Jungkook now as well. Jungkook didn’t like it when Taehyung drove to pick him up because Taehyung would have to drive an extra half hour but the location Jimin had sent him was on the path of Jungkook’s college. Taehyung grabbed his keys and coat from the room and walked out of the house, locking the door behind him.

“Jungkookie, I’m outside where are you?” Taehyung asked into the phone.

“You’re here? What? Why?” Jungkook asked - Taehyung imagined Jungkook whipping his head around to look for him.

“Near the front, I had to pick something up and your college was on the way so come on.”

“Okay okay, I’m walking right now.”

Jungkook saw the car soon enough and he waved, he secretly loved it when Taehyung picked him up. He got in and was greeted with a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey babe, we’re not going home right now okay. A few friends needed a lift so we’ll just drop them off and then we’ll go.”

“Ya that’s okay but listen there’s this dude in my class…” and Jungkook started ranting to Taehyung, talking a mile a minute.

Taehyung half focused on Jungkook’s story and half on the road. He had crashed his car enough times. Taehyung pulled up near a police station. Jungkook cocked his eyebrow and turned his head towards Taehyung in confusion.

“Why are we at the police station?”

“To pick up my friends, Jimin told me they were near the station. They’re probably in that café. Wait I’ll call.” Taehyung said, he took out his phone and pulled up Jimin’s contact. The phone rang for a while until someone picked up and a loud, rude voice spoke into it.

“Who are you? What do you want?”

Taehyung was taken aback for a second and was about to reply with the same tone when he heard arguing on the other side.

“Hyung, give me my phone. I told you not to pick up my calls.” The voice zeroed in on Taehyung who was waiting, confused on the line. “Hey, sorry, Yoongi hyung’s in a bad mood. Who’s this?”

“It’s Taehyung, I’m outside.”

“Oh Tae, okay cool. We’ll be right out.”

“Okay see you.”

Jimin hung up and Taehyung waited. Jungkook was watching the police station, still uncertain of these friends Taehyung had made and lo and behold Jimin followed by two other boys walked out of the station smug smiles plastered onto their faces. Jungkook didn’t know that this was Taehyung’s friend though and so was surprised that these boys were heading straight for them and waving.

“Tae let’s go, those guys are walking straight towards. I don’t care why they were in there, we need to leave now.” Jungkook stopped and realized that Taehyung was in fact not listening, “Kim Taehyung are you listening to me?”

Jimin saw Taehyung and waved but Taehyung was in too much shock to wave back. He couldn’t believe the boy he had befriended was walking out of a police station smiling like he won the lottery.

Jimin and the other two entered the backseat. Jimin pulled himself up front and greeted Taehyung like they were old friends.

“What’s up brother, these are my friends. Resting bitch face hyung and horse face hyung.” Taehyung laughed a little but Jungkook still had his jaw on the floor as he had just witnessed three boys walk out of a police station and straight into their car.

“I will actually stab you next time, my name’s Yoongi. Don’t listen to this asshole.” Yoongi said after grabbing Jimin’s hair and pulling him back.

“You wanna be behind bars again go ahead,” Jimin said, rubbing his head.

“Wouldn’t be the first time, unlike you pussies.” Yoongi retaliated.

“Hyung it’s not cool that you were in the cell, it’s cool that I got us out,” Jimin said smirking.

Yoongi brought his hand up to hit Jimin but Hoseok grabbed it. He had noticed the shock, surprise and slight fear on Jungkook and Taehyung’s face.

“Hi, I’m Hoseok. Please excuse them and the oh so loving nickname Jiminie has for me. You’re Taehyung right, Jimin told me about you.” He said, smiling at Taehyung. He looked over at Jungkook and knitted his eyebrows in confusion. “You are?”

“Jungkook, Taehyung’s boyfriend,” Jungkook said, he was in a daze.

“Oh, well nice to meet you Jungkook.”

The banter continued and Taehyung fell into it somehow. Jungkook stayed silent, though, he was trying to process all the strange information his brain was receiving.

Taehyung pulled up at a garage and the three boys got out. Yoongi and Hoseok waved their goodbyes and went inside the garage door. Jimin stayed behind to thank Taehyung and apologize to Jungkook; Jimin had noticed Jungkook’s discomfort.

“Okay then see you later brother,” Jimin said and held up his hand, his middle finger and pointer finger was intertwined while his thumb held down his ring finger and his pinky stood upright. Taehyung returned the sign effortlessly and said his goodbyes as well. It was only while they were driving back did Jungkook realize what the sign was.

“Taehyung can you show me that thing you did with your hand right now.” Taehyung showed him and Jungkook would have slapped him if he weren’t driving.

“You complete nut, that’s a gang sign. You fucking went and made friends with gang members. Good going idiot.”

“A gang sign? No way, they’re not in a gang. They’re just cool people.” Taehyung replied; Jimin wasn’t in a gang.

“Oh ya, text that Jimin and ask him,” Jungkook said, crossing his arms in front of him. He was angry at Taehyung’s irresponsibility.

Taehyung texted Jimin,

                                                         “Bro, are you guys a gang? Like full on                                                                                                                     gang?”

             “Hmm, ya man. Didnt u alrdy know?

             We call ourselves Stigma, it’s 5 of us.

             Me, Yoongi hyung, Hoseok hyung,

             Namjoon hyung and Seokjin hyung and

             when u come for initiation you can be in it 2.”

Taehyung stared at the message, he had somehow managed to end up in a gang. There was only one thing he could say now.

“Oh fuck me.”

[ecotone99]

[FN] Eden

My life started like a fairytale--and by that, I mean I was fucked over by fairies.

Apparently, a long-lost ancestor did something helpful to some fairy sometime ago, and the fairies chose my birth as the moment to pay my family back for my ancestor’s kindness. The fairy chose a gift to supposedly bless me with, no matter how much my parents begged them to reconsider. I can see the conversation happening in my head like it was only yesterday.

“I, a great and completely superior fairy being, have decided to bless your newborn child with a gift that is so undeniably wonderful that you all will be singing my praises for the rest of your small, mortal lives,” the fairy probably said at some point. “Your daughter will have the gift of being completely and totally irresistible. Everyone and everything will find her to be the most interesting and appealing creature they ever saw and this in no way will totally screw up her sad, little life!”

If my life was a movie, the narrator would chime in with “What could possibly go wrong?!”

My parents, bless them, did not know how to handle everything that came with a daughter who was irresistible. They tried, for sure. When I was picked on and kissed by literally every child in my preschool class and the teacher aid tried to kidnap me, my parents realized this was going to be a problem. I was homeschooled, and I wasn’t allowed to leave the house. I grew up without friends or seeing other family members because we couldn’t trust them to not fall under my spell. To save everyone some grief, I left home as soon as I was able to go and live in the middle of nowhere, Location Redacted.

I wish I could say moving away from people fixed all my problems, but it didn’t. While I was successful in getting away from other people, my new location brought forth a new audience to avoid.

--

“I can see you,” I rolled my eyes and tossed some salt over my shoulder. The telltale human-shaped outline flashed before disappearing completely. I didn’t look up from my book.

“Eden,” a tentative voice pipped. The air shimmered and a tall, lanky boy sat a heavy stare where the specter had once been. “That ghost has been getting closer and closer to you over the last few weeks. I think we should take another look at the runes on the fence.”

“What’s a ghost gonna do, Mael?” I glanced up from my book and rolled my eyes. “Possess me? Jokes on him, then he would have to deal with all this shit.” Mael pursed his lips and reappeared on the other side of my armchair. “You and both know ghosts aren’t a big deal.” I was far more unnerved at the thought of not being able to finish my book in peace.

“Come on, please? You know I can’t leave the cabin. Can you please check the runes are still intact? I can try to fix them if the sigils have worn off. It’s been, what, ten years since I was alive and placed them there?’

“Probably closer to twenty. You looked super dead when I got here.” I added as I turned back to my book.

“Come on, Eden, this is serious. That ghost got too close for comfort.” I rolled my eyes. For the spirit of a witch bound to his former home, Mael was more overprotective than my own mother.

“Fine, I will go get some food from the garden and I will check the runes while I do that, okay? It’s not a big deal though, ghosts are easy enough to get rid of.” I appreciated Mael letting me use his home now that he was dead. When I stumbled upon the small cabin in the woods, I knew it had to be cursed. Despite that, it was my only option, so I pressed on. I was surprised to find the spirit of the former owner still in the house, but Mael was pretty useful. He knew all sorts of stuff about the supernatural creatures that wandered around the woods and he was pretty handy at making runes and creating poisons and medicines. It was the first time I was grateful for my curse--instead of horrendously murdering me for disturbing his eternal slumber, Mael now acted like my bodyguard, or like an annoying big brother. And, best yet, he couldn’t follow me when I left the cabin, so I could easily escape his nagging by going into the garden that surrounded the cabin within the fence.

I pulled on my oversized gardening boots and grabbed my basket of gardening supplies and walked out the door.

The sun was starting its descent from the sky. I fingered the iron nail I wore around my neck, it wasn’t nightfall just yet, but things did get a bit more restless around here when the sun went down. I set to work on picking dinner for the evening. I didn’t often leave the confines of the small fence surrounding the cabin, so I relied on the fruits and vegetables Mael had planted during his life. Sometimes, a few of the werewolves who roamed the woods would bring me some of their smaller game or the occasional grocery store essentials but I tried to dissuade that kind of behavior as much as possible.

“Good evening,” a smooth voice called from the treeline a stone’s throw away. I stopped in the middle of picking a carrot and sighed. Here we go again. I didn’t bother standing up from the dirt as the umbrella-wielding man approached the fence. His pale skin and dim glowing eyes gave him away immediately.

“Let me guess, you aren’t a vampire and are totally just lost in the woods and need to come inside for some reason. Or, better yet, you have been creepily watching me for who-knows-how-long while I slept and now you are here because you are in love with me and totally won’t eat me.” I rolled my eyes and went back to the carrots.

“Why I am wounded!” he feigned. I could feel his piercing eyes burrowing into my back as he watched me. “It sounds like my brothers have been unkind to you, sweet darling.” One thing I learned about vampires is they always blame each other for their bad reputation, and, for some reason, they always call their victims by nauseating pet names. I looked up at him and blinked my eyelashes. I stood from the dirt, content with what I picked from the night, and sauntered slowly toward the fence. He audibly gulped.

“Oh, you have no idea. Some of those mean, ol’ vampires came here not long ago. They--they said they just needed some help and I couldn’t just turn them all away.” His eyes were even brighter up close, and they are carefully watching my throat as I spoke. “But, wouldn’t you know it, they tricked me. As soon as my back was turned--” I bit down dramatically on my own teeth and he jumped. “They took a big bite right out of me.” To prove my point, I pulled the collar of my tee-shirt down to reveal a mess of scarred flesh on my shoulder. The vampire stilled, his glowing orange eyes were transfixed on the newly exposed flesh. He was so easy to read. I held by the urge to roll my eyes.

“You know,” he jumped when I spoke again and smoothed out my collar. “You should really be more concerned with what happened to the guy who took a chomp out of me. As I’m sure you have noticed, my blood smells--and tastes--irresistible. Do you really think they would have stopped by choice?” He was leaning in so far, his hands were propped up by the invisible barrier that bound him outside my fence line. I thought I even saw some drool pooling out from his lips. They never did listen.

I also didn’t tell him the other vampire got garlic poisoning because I had just eaten a whole loaf of garlic bread.

“Hey!” a voice suddenly shouted. “Get away from her!” In a flash, the vampire was gone, his umbrella was abandoned on the ground assuming so it wouldn’t slow him down in his retreat. A second later, a flash of brown and black barreled past my fence and howled. The creature stopped in his run and trotted back to my fence, transforming from his lycanthrope form to his human one. His yellow eyes lit up when he got closer and he started to run his hands through his messy black hair.

“Hello, Garret.” I returned to my basket, now full of carrots and a small potato for my supper, and finished brushing the dirt from my knees.

“Man, that was close! I am glad I caught a whiff of that guy when I did! I don’t even want to imagine what could have happened to you if I wasn’t here to help, Eden!” I tried to smile at the young werewolf as he beamed at me from my fence, but I am sure it resembled more of an exhausted snarl.

“You are so right, I would have obviously been eaten alive if it wasn’t for you.”

“Right? You are so lucky I am so close by. I sometimes swing by this way, you know, just to check on you, and I am so glad I did today.” Garret couldn’t have been more than fifteen or sixteen. He was a kid so I tried to not hold his behavior against him too much. Besides, Garret was one of the wolves who brought me fresh meat when there were leftovers, so he wasn’t all bad. He was, however, a talker. I didn’t want to stand there as he monologued at me so I quickly wished him a good evening and retreated back inside.

Mael was nowhere to be seen when I walked back inside. It wasn’t unusual for him to disappear for a while, so I set to work on cooking my dinner. When I sat down and finally picked my book back up, I remembered why I had gone outside in the first place--I didn’t check the runes on the fence. It was already dark outside by the time I realized, so I frowned and shrugged it off. One more day would be fine--I had just salted the peeping-tom ghost anyways.

I had to fight to keep my eyes open as I read on in my book. I had just gotten to the part of the story where the protagonist ignored her instincts to run when she had the chance, the antagonist was sure to make an appearance…

I woke up to a pounding headache. My hand reached up to touch my forehead, but I couldn’t move it. Slowly, the world came back into focus. I wasn’t in my living room anymore. I was outside, surrounded by trees and darkness sitting alone my own table covered in sugary sweets. One of my hands was tied to my seat. I swore loudly as I tried to remove the rope from around my wrist with my non-dominant hand and failed.

“Good morning!” a voice chirped. I stopped struggling with the rope and let my head fall to the table. This couldn’t be happening, it was laughable. A young specter materialized, his face full of mirth as he spirited around me. “You’re finally awake! It’s very rude to fall asleep at the table, you know!” His grin was unnerving. It was too wide for his thin face. The ghost couldn’t have been more than a young adult when he died, but his clothes gave away his age. No one wore suits styled like his for the last several decades, at least.

“Okay, you caught me. What do you want? To have a tea party? How did you get all of this from my cabin?” I paused, my eyes raking over the small cakes on the table. This son-of-a-bitch used up all my flour and sugar to make this shit, didn’t he?! I turned furious eyes on him.

“Well, it wasn’t easy!” he laughed, then his eyes narrowed and his voice rumbled cooly, “You know, you aren’t very strong.” His countenance returned to his sickenly sweet smile and she pushed his ghostly hands through some of the cakes on the table. “I just want to have a little party with you! You see, I think it’s about time for my birthday and I don’t have anyone to celebrate with. You aren’t an easy girl to get ahold of, you know.” I frowned. I didn’t want to ask it, but I did:

“Why do you want me to celebrate your birthday with you? I have salted you out of my life more times than I can count.” Take the hint, seriously. “Let me guess…”

“You are so beautiful, you are captivating!” he finished for me. “Your skin looks so soft and those freckles are just adorable.” Of course, people who don’t have freckles always think they are so interesting. “And your hair is so thick and luscious.” I wash it, like, maybe once every three weeks. “And your eyes. Your eyes are the most beautiful. They are bright and the color is just so strange and captivating.” My eyes are hazel. Just hazel. It was always interesting to hear how others saw me as a glamorized version of what I actually was.

“Thanks.” I reached unceremoniously for the iron nail on my necklace and pulled it off. “But, you should probably go back to Hell or whatever you spawned from and leave me alone. I am not interested in playing house with you.” His eyes fixed onto the iron in my hand. Surprise flashed across his eyes for just a moment before he disappeared and immediately reappeared behind me. He placed his hands on my temples and pushed them inside my skull. My skin didn’t offer him any resistance. My body involuntarily convulsed, my tied wrist twisted and thrashed against the bindings and the nail fell from my hand only to be kicked away by my own traitorous feet. I gasped for breath when my body finally started to still and the ghost was once again in front of me, looking with renewed interest at the table.

“Which cake should you eat first?” He didn’t acknowledge the pain he inflicted on me. The sparkle in his eyes said he probably enjoyed it.

“If I celebrate your birthday with you, you’ll leave me alone, right?” I said. He smiled and got far too close to my face.

“Yes! In fact, just try a piece of cake! It has been so long since I have eaten anything and cake was always my favorite when I was alive. If you eat just a bite, I promise to let you untie yourself so you can go.”

I glared. This was obviously a trap, but I was out of options. Mael couldn’t help me and I couldn’t rely on Garret to come bounding up this time either. Did ghosts even have a scent? It seemed unlikely.

“Fine. I will have a bite of your cake and then I am going to go home. We have a deal.” It was fine. I was always fine. The god of luck also seemed to find me irresistible. I picked up the fork set in front of me and the ghost’s eyes watched my every move. Slowly, I reached for the cake closest to me and took the smallest bite I could manage. The cake wasn’t very sweet and it was certainly burned, but I continued to chew. When I swallowed, I made a big show of it and then reached with the fork to the rope around my wrist. The ghost watched me, remaining eerily silent as I finally broke through the rope and flexed my sore wrist. I coughed as soon as I stood, and the ghost burst into laughter. I coughed again, this time doubling over and retching on the ground. I stumbled and tried to stand, but I instead fell to my knees grasping my stomach as a stabbing pain shot through me.

Of course, he fucking poisoned the cake. Jackass.

“Oh, sweet girl, don’t move so much. It will be over soon.” the ghost was grinning down at me like a madman. I guess ghosts were more dangerous than I had originally given them credit for. “I was hoping you would pick that one--it looked like the most fun according to all those scribbles that witch boy left.” I coughed again, this time blood splurted out and fell from my chin to the ground. “We are going to have so much fun, honestly. You and me, together for all eternity. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

There was no way I was gonna let myself die at the hands of a motherfucking ghost and some shitty, poisoned cake. I crawled, one arm still firmly grasping my stomach that felt like hot lead.

“It’s no use,” he smiled, getting too close to my face again. “You’re already dying.” I coughed again, this time hacking up blood in his ghostly face. He jumped backward, probably a habit from his life, and glared. It was then I saw the iron nail on the ground. I could just barely reach it when he realized what I was doing, but it was too late. I turned with all my might and slashed through his spectral form. While salt was effective at banishing ghosts for a short while, iron was like a lock to keep them from coming back to our side. It would be a good long while before he would be able to come back. Not that it would do me much good. I couched again. More blood.

“I thought that bastard would never leave.” A familiar, smooth voice said from the darkness. I tried to scramble to my feet but faceplanted in my own blood instead. “You smell…” he paused and took a deep, satisfying breath. “Delicious.”

I hate vampires so much.

The vampire from earlier blurred towards me as I coughed again, he stopped just short of running into me. He regarded me with his reflective eyes as his smile slowly fell. “What did he do to you? I can’t drink this. It’s ruined.” He wrinkled his nose as though my wasted blood was the most offensive joke he had ever heard. “No. Stop it.” I wanted to quip back that I was in no way able to cure myself from whatever afflicted me, but all that came out was the taste of iron on my tongue. Next thing I knew, I was being lifted from the ground and thrown over a shoulder before being sped away.

I was suddenly thrown hard to the ground, in my weariness I could just make out the light from my cabin’s windows. Shakily, I turned and saw Garett snarling at the vampire who was looking from me to my cabin to Garett and then back again. After another bout of coughing up my own blood, I crawled into the dirt and pulled myself forward as best I could.

“You idiot!” I heard vaguely behind me. I didn’t bother trying to identify the voice. “I am saving her!”

“No!” The other growled. “I am saving her!”

I tuned them out completely after that and focused my efforts and pathetically crawling my way to the front door. Everything was spinning and I felt just so cold and tired, but I kept on as my entrails tried to work their way to the outside. A sudden, knife-sharp pain bit into me--it felt like I was drowning in my own lungs. Something crashed into my fence behind me, but the world had already gone black.

I woke up gasping and thrashing with horrible pressure pushing down on my chest. I was inside the cabin and Mael was leaning over me with misty eyes.

“She’s awake!” He bellowed suddenly and disappeared. Somewhere behind me bottles started to rumble and clatter together. Garett was over me, his hands were pressing down on my chest and his face was dripping in blood, my blood I suddenly realized. I twisted to my side and pushed his hands away from me just as Mael reappeared with a vial of something bubbling. Garret instantly forced my head back and stuck the glass vial between my lips as Mael paced beside us. I spluttered out some of the liquid when I was overwhelmed by it, but Garret only forced me to drink until it was gone.

“If you hold her head like that, you are going to rip it off! Gentle!” A voice called from beyond my garden fence. The whole gang was here to watch me pathetically almost die because of a pathetic ghost. Fuck my life. I tried to push Garett off of me again, but he held steady.

“I am going to put you in your bed now,” he stated and he moved to pick me up.

“Don’t do that, idiot. She is covered in her own blood and dirt! Clean her off first!”

Mael materialized at my side and growled, “You won’t be touching her like that.”

“Well, you can’t touch her at all!” Garett spat back.

“I’ll touch her!”

“No!” Mael and Garett both roared. I just wanted some peace and quiet. They were too loud. I pushed myself up and shakily attempted to stand. When I almost fell, I held tight to my armchair for balance, ignoring Garett has he reached for me.

“I can fucking clean myself up. Everybody, get the fuck out of my house.” Garett frowned but nodded his assent before walking to the door and shutting it behind him. I didn’t hear footsteps leading away, so I guessed he was still outside on the step. I turned to Mael. “Help me pack a bag. Tonight.”

“What? But you aren’t in any condition to leave. Where would you even go?!”

“Honestly? I need to punch a fucking fairy in her stupid, fucking face.”

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