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gems-on-a-plastic-beach · 7 years ago

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Gorillaz React

So a while back, posted this fanfic on FF.net. Now I got this blog I decided I might as well share this stupid little thing I wrote. :)

"So uh, correct me if I'm wrong. You've gathered all of us here, not to discuss promotions, not to discuss the website, but to film us watching... A sodding Youtube video?"

Murdoc had a perplexed look on his face mixed with slight annoyance. He wasn't quite caught up on all these new trends on Facetube or Snaptagram, or whatever those bloody websites were called. And frankly, he had no desire to be.

Noodle and 2D were more turned into social media, but Noodle was always busy focusing on their music, being the passionate worker she is, and 2D was... Well, he was 2D. Could the job really be left in capable hands with him? This was precisely why Gorillaz hired a manager for their media. Someone who was young and knew what they were doing. The same manager that they'd recently hired for their Youtube channel had called the four of them into the living room of their new HQ: the Spirit House, all sat in a row on the couch, with Youtube up on the TV and the cameras ready.

"Yeah, I don' get this. Wot's all this about? We answering live fan questions or sumthin?" 2D asked, exchanging a few confused looks with the other band members.

"Well no. It's not live and it isn't exactly a Q&A. I know it sounds strange, but keep in mind that this could be considered a type of promotion in of itself." The young manager explained. "Have the four of you by chance heard of the Youtube channel TheFineBros?"

The band exchanged a few confused glances. None of them could say they have.

"Nope." Russel said flatly.

"Can't say I have, no." Noodle said.

"I 'ave no idea what your talkin' about." 2D said bluntly.

"Do you really think I care to know about these silly little "channels", or whatever they are? What the hell does this have to do with us?" Murdoc said irritably.

The manager was losing them. It was better to just get straight to the point. "Uh, well okay. So this channel hosts a series of videos where they have different people of different age groups react and discuss various videos shown to them with topics to do with popular culture, current events, music and movies of the like. Recently, they did a video with some people reacting to a few of your music videos, and discussing them."

The band now started to gain interest, except for Murdoc of course. Bored as hell and lighting up yet another cig.

"It's a video with young people who may have grown up with your music. It's called "College Kids React to Gorillaz"."

Murdoc suddenly looked up. "Wait, wait, wait, wait. College kids?" His tune had miraculously changed to something far more enthusiastic. "By "college" kids, this video wouldn't by chance happen to include any college-age gir-"

Before Murdoc could even finish his sentence, 2D started laughing and Noodle was giggling. Russel just groaned, burying his bald head in his palm.

"Oh for god's sake, Murdoc. Can you not go ten minutes without thinking with your wrinkly old nether regions?" Russel sighed in annoyance. Always the more mature and paternal one of the group.

Murdoc leaned over with a sleazy smile. "Oh, sure Russ. I remember that of all things, you don't seem to possess a pulse. Heheheh."

"Hey, I have a pulse just like anybody else. I just don't go off mindlessly chasing tail like an animal. I don't have delusions of someone half my damn age having any interest in me. Unlike you, ya damn unwashed geriatric." Murdoc sneered at the last remark.

"Yeah Mudz, ya dirty ol' geezer." 2D snickered.

Russel quickly turned to face 2D. "Oh Shut up, 'D. You're just as bad and you know it. Don't try to pretend you're any better. I'm the one who does the laundry 'round here and unfortunately I've come across your stash, and I've seen those stains on your sheets!" Murdoc and Noodle sputtered with laughter while 2D began to blush. Murdoc even shed a tear, he was laughing so hard. Quite embarrassed, the manager tried to interrupt the raunchy banter, but Russel kept going, now with a grin.

"Even now you still take multiple girls back to your bed, many half your age. And judging by your masturbatory material, you into some nasty shit, man. You're no better than Murdoc, you're just more covert about it."

2D was still red in the face, but managed to laugh along. "Ay, I'm not the one to blame there, mate. It's the birds over the years that introduced me to all that kinky shit. The girls love it, I just went along with it and heh, it ain't that nasty. Ya really don't know what your missing." He said with a cocked eyebrow and a cheeky grin. 2D may have been a sweetheart, but he wasn't a chaste guy by a long shot.

Russel scoffed. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, you skinny pervert."

The manager stood there awkwardly. They raised an eyebrow at Noodle. "How have you dealt with this for so long?"

Noodle smiled and shrugged. "Aw, there's little that shocks me. I'm not precious, I can handle it." She then smirked devilishly, and winked. "Besides, I happen to get mine quite aplenty these days."

Murdoc and 2D whooped and cheered for her, like they were a bunch of lads down at the pub, proud of their mate getting laid for the first time. Russel however, turned away and pretended desperately not to hear what she said. She may be 27, but Noodle was always going to be his baby girl after all.

This had gone off the rails enough. Although it wasn't unusual for this lot. Tangents were an everyday norm for Gorillaz.

"Ahem. Back on track- Today, the four of you are going to react to their video of them reacting to you."

"Oh? so it's a reaction of a reaction? Interesting." Russel said.

"Aw yeah, this is what they call a paradox, right?" 2D asked without thinking.

"Heh, not quite, 2D." Noodle said with a smile.

"Ughhh. No, dullard. A paradox is a contradiction." Murdoc groaned, without much patience for the singer's ignorance.

"Really? Oh yeah..." 2D said, spacing out a bit.

Murdoc looked to the young manager. "Okay, alright, I'm with ya, kid. Let's just this done, yeah?"

"Okay guys." The thumbs up was given and the video started.

The video had a cold opening, the first shot with a pretty blonde girl watching the last few seconds of the video for 'Feel Good Inc'.

"That song's so good. I wanna listen to it on my way home now." She commented.

"Well, well. I think we are off to a grrreat start, Haheheh." Murdoc said loudly, with a lecherous grin and that gravely laugh of his. The others groaned.

"Shh! Mudz, come on man." Russel hushed him.

"So today we're going to show you a medley of music from a popular band, starting with their new song and then going into their bigger hits".

The video shown within the video was the start of Saturnz Barz, showcasing each of the young adult's reactions.

"What is this?"

"Oh yeah, It's Gorillaz!"

"This is Gorillaz! Ohhh, I'm so excited!"

"Hehe, I like that guy's enthusiasm!" Noodle said.

"I'm so excited for their comeback." One of the girls said.

"Well get excited honey, because we are BACK!" Murdoc proclaimed.

"I wanna be part of the Gorillaz!" A dude with a yellow beanie said, clearly a fan.

2D laughed nervously. "Well, heheh, I'd be careful what you wish for there, mate. Otherwise you'll end up in a series of unfortunate events, and might find yourself held prisoner by a slimy green bass player, several leagues under the bloody sea!" 2D shot a glare at Murdoc.

"Oh come on, 2D. Let it go. It's been years." Murdoc waved him off.

2D muttered what sounded like: "Fuckin' wanker." under his breath.

The music video was now into Popcaan's verse. Some of the kids seemed taken aback by the surreal visuals.

"I was digging the animation until it got really trippy."

"They seem unfamiliar with our aesthetic." Noodle commented.

"Haha. If only you knew mate." Murdoc chuckled.

"This is different from what they usually do."

"This is so different and creative."

"The pizza's talking. That's so cool!"

"See Murdoc? I told you young people still appreciate artistry." Noodle said to Murdoc.

"Yeah well, They may have picked out an alright bunch." Murdoc shrugged.

"How do they come up with these things?" A brunette with red lipstick asked.

"Personal experiences, love. If not, then a cocktail of LSD and Vodka and three days lack of sleep." Murdoc stated.

"Or, a creative imagination." Russel spoke up.

Murdoc snorted. "Imagination. Pfft, yeah, that what is."

"This is like the weirdest music video I've ever seen!" The blonde girl said.

"The weirdest you've ever seen, love?" 2D laughed. "You ain't seen much of the 90's then. Bjork, Marilyn Manson, Nine Inch Nails. Their shit was proper crazy!"

"To be fair, she doesn't look like your average Manson or Nine Inch Nails listener, does she?" Murdoc pointed out.

"Pretty much." 2D chuckled.

"It's very them, but it's kinda creeping me out." Another of the girls said.

"It was damn creepy that day when we shot it, that's for sure." Russel shivered at the memories of that possessed bed and eldritch-like creature messing with him.

"To be honest, I'm not really digging the song." A guy in grey said.

"Well fuck you too, ya little cu-" Murdoc swore.

"Murdoc!" Noodle pulled him up. "Come on, don't be a dick. Everyone's entitled to their own tastes." He grumbled in response.

"It looks like a horror film!" The blonde girl exclaimed.

"Heh, well that's the idea. We're all horror fans to an extent, love. Saying a video from us looks like a horror film is like saying a video from Daft Punk looks like a Sci-Fi." 2D grinned.

The video of Saturnz Barz came to an end, with the final lines from Murdoc and Russel. "Breakfast?" "Oh Yeah! I got a real appetite."

"What in the world?"

"That's so sick. It's Gorillaz, dude, I'm excited for their comeback!"

"I wish I was this creative. I write songs about breakups." A guy in a red flannel shirt said.

"Hey, there ain't nuffin wrong wiv that, man." 2D spoke. "I was in that position once when I was in my teens. Writin' silly songs about girls. But if yew just keep going and doing what yew love, you'll get better wiv time. There ain't much of a science to it. It's just something that'll come to you wiv life experience."

Noodle smiled. "Well said, D-chan." "Yeah man." Russel agreed.

"Well uh, hm. You did have my help, dullard. If it weren't for me you'd still be writing hack tunes." Murdoc bragged. The other two frowned. It was well known that Murdoc often took the writing credit from other band members, particularly 2D. The blue haired front man was famously ditzy, but he was far more lyrically talented than given credit for. Murdoc resented him for it. He wasn't a bad lyricist, but a was jealous he didn't even have half of 2D's poetic gift.

"Actually," Murdoc began, "Come to think of it, they seem to have missed the greatest part of the video."

"And which part was that?" Noodle asked him. Murdoc flamboyantly waved his hands and let his long tongue roll out of his mouth.

"THE BATH!" He bellowed.

"SHUT UP, MURDOC!" The three others yelled at him while he cackled. Not at all pretty image they had to remember.

The video next showed the visuals for two of the band's new songs, 'We Got the Power' and 'Andromeda'. But since they were shown quite short there was little to say, although the college kids seemed to like them.

"One of the greatest things that defines Gorillaz is that ironically, they aren't defined by a genre. They make so much different music and no song is alike." The guy in the yellow beanie in the video explained.

"Mad respect, man. This dude here knows what he's talking about." Russel smiled. The others nodded in agreement.

"Oh wow, I'm buying this album! When's it coming out?" The brunette with red lipstick asked.

"April 28th, honey! Mark it down darlin', Huhuheh." Murdoc laughed that gravely laugh of his again. "Down, boy." Russel hushed Murdoc.

"Now here's a few more songs from earlier in their career." The interviewer in the video said.

"Alright, peeps. Let's see what the kids make of the classics, eh?" Murdoc grinned, clapping his hand together.

The video for 'Clint Eastwood' was showcased, the sound bringing back a whirl of nostalgia for the band members.

"I aint happy, I'm feeling glad, I got sunshine in a bag..." It was familiar to most of the young adults, and some started to even sing along.

"Holy shit, lads. It's been YEARS since I've actually seen this video." 2D gasped. "Geez, look how young we are! Hey, look at you, Noodle! Look at cha, yer such a little muffin!" 2D grinned at Noodle and affectionately nudged her rib. She smiled warmly back at him like he was a doting older brother. They didn't seem to interact much on camera or in interviews, but they had a sweet bond in reality.

"How many years has it been since this song was released?" The brunette in the video inquired.

"Jesus, about... 16 years?" 2D looked at others. "Yeah, yeah. It was 2001. 16 years... Wow." Russel said with awe.

"You were 11 Noodle, I was 23." 2D reminisced. "Yeeaaah... And now Faceache, You're 39." Murdoc drawled, looking at 2D with a shit-eating grin. "How pray tell, does it feel?"

2D frowned, before shooting back a cocky look. "Welp, feels a lot better than bein' 50, ya old git." Murdoc laughed for once at 2D's jab at him. "Ah mate, If I weren't in such a good mood, I'd sock you for that one." 2D grinned back. It was rare for him and Murdoc to have these moments of friendly banter.

"This is giving me Cartoon Network vibes." The guy in grey said.

"It's funny he says that. We were supposed to have our own TV show, but it never got off the ground." Russel pointed out.

Del the Funky Homosapien's rap started in the video. Russel hung his head a bit in sadness for the loss of his dearly departed friend.

"Del. Oh Del. It's been years." Russel sighed mournfully. "You okay, Russ?" 2D asked him.

Russel nodded reassuringly. "Yeah, nah. Yeah don't worry, I'm fine. It's just- you know how it is." The others nodded sympathetically. Russel went through a rough patch after Del was exorcized from his mind, so it was understandable how he felt.

'Clint Eastwood' ended in the video. It was a song liked by pretty much everybody.

"Classic song. I totally know it, but can't think of the name."

"I like the gritty look of each character and the fact that they each have their own kind of personality."

"Well, in the late 90's and early 2000's, there wasn't much of a competition to have a personality in music." Murdoc bragged. "We turned the world upside down! Unlike those teeny bopper shits. They wouldn't have known what real personality was if it turned around and punched 'em in the teeth!"

The next music video showcased was 19-2000. Another video the band hadn't seen in a long time.

"The world is spinning too fast, and I'm buying Nike shoes, to keep myself tethered to the days I tried to lose..."

"I want to know what they look like, instead of these little characters!" Two of the girls in the video said.

"Whatcha see is whatcha get, honey! This is us as we are!" Murdoc said proudly. Although he had a feeling this was going to go a in direction that he wasn't at all pleased about.

"Have they shown their faces on newer concerts?"

Murdoc scowled. This brought back an irritable memory. "Well, no. But that's cause the last time we went on tour, that backstabbing bastard, Damon Albarn stole MY BAND! IT'S MY BAND!" Murdoc stood up and started yelling. He was of course referring to the Plastic Beach tour. "We were holed up in the dressing room for every show! All the bloody doors were jammed and we couldn't get out!"

Russel pulled Murdoc back down on the couch. "Take it easy, man."

Murdoc scoffed. "Oh, shut up Russ. You weren't there! You can't speak for us. Right 2D?" 2D scratched his head. "Well uh, yeah. It was pretty unpleasant being stuck in the dressing room for every show with a grumpy old dick and a psychotic robot." 2D despised that artificial Cyborg that was modelled after Noodle, and was quite happy to hear that the real Noodle destroyed the damn thing.

The next video was 'DARE'. Noodle grinned.

"You've got to press it on you, you just think it, that's what you do, baby, hold it down, DARE..."

"Ah, yes. One of my favourites." she said. "Only because you're the only one in it. You didn't even tell us you were filming it!" Murdoc said to her. Noodle grinned at him. Murdoc couldn't help but grin back. He couldn't stay mad at her.

"Oh my gosh! I know this song!"

"This is Gorillaz? I had no idea!"

Murdoc nodded his head to the beat. "Oh yeah, me mate Shaun Ryder was on this. He even let us borrow his head for the music video!"

"Turn the lights on and off real quick, so I can get into the mood." The girl with red lipstick swayed with the beat.

"Aw, she's cute. She my favourite!" 2D smiled. "Speak for yourself, 'D. I'm into the blonde. Hahahah." Murdoc laughed lecherously.

"Goddammit, you two! Keep it in your pants." Russel snapped at them. They laughed at his reaction.

"They did the DJ music before it was DJ music." The blonde girl said.

"Not exactly. The 80's and 90's were the golden age for the DJs. We just borrowed elements of it." Russel explained.

"I like that in the video they mixed the animation with a real life person."

"But wait, we are like, real life people." 2D said, confused. Murdoc shook his head. "Oh no. They're going to feed them the lie. I just know it."

"All right, come on, you got Feel Good Inc." The guy in the red flannel shirt said.

"Windmill, windmill, for the land, turn forever hand in hand..."

"Oh yes. The song that launched a million IPods!" Murdoc said.

"I mean, at the time it was overplayed, but I gotta say, I'm still really proud of that chorus, if I do say so myself." 2D nodded.

"And so you should be 'D." Noodle smiled at him. "This is one of your best performances." 2D blushed a little and smiled.

"Maybe the first song every Gorillaz fan has heard."

"This is like music you listen to driving down the highway, or next to the beach."

"I'm hearing a lot of similarities between their old music and their new music."

"That bass line is so funky!"

"I know right? Still such a fucking sexy tune after all these years." Murdoc chuckled. He wasn't known for modesty.

"I must say," Noodle chimed in. "Demon Days is my pride and joy. Despite all the mayhem that happened to us after, I'm still so proud of how the album turned out." The others agreed. Demon Days may very well have been their Magnum Opus. The video within in the video came to an end.

"Every song is so different, they have one that sounds like R&B and another that sounds like a poppy boy band."

"Don't know which one sounded like a boy band song." 2D said with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm gonna go and listen to them on Spotify now!"

"They're working with so many of my new favourite artists, so it's really sick to have Gorillaz who are so [BLEEP]ing awesome from when I was a kid, to now be even better."

"They fucking censor the fucking swearing? Well, that's fucked." Murdoc said, followed by a laugh.

"The point is, it's real gratifying to see kids who grew up with our music, now returning as adults to show support for the new music." Russel explained.

"Aaaand some of 'em have grown up to be real lookers, Hwahahah- OW, RUSS!" Russel gave Murdoc a smack on the back of the head before he could continue. 2D and Noodle laughed. Murdoc could never help himself.

"So this is Gorillaz, who are well known for not being an actual band, but a virtual band." The interviewer in the video explained to the college kids.

"I knew it!" Murdoc started to yell at the screen. "I knew they were going to feed them the lie! We are real, dammit! It's just a conspiracy conjured up by those wankers Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett!"

"Is it like a Hatsune Miku kind of thing?" One of the kids asked.

"Noodle! What's a Hatsune Miku?" Murdoc barked, still fuming. "Oh well, it's uh. It's a thing created by Yamaha. A marketing thing to sell voice synthesizers." She explained.

"The band consists of two permanent members, one who does the music and one who does the visuals."

"Hewlett may have helped with the visuals over the years, but Damon takes the credit for MY work. It's MY BAND!" Murdoc exclaimed.

"Chill down a bit, Murdoc." 2D said. "You of all people should be more angry, Faceache! Albarn takes all the credit for your vocals!" Murdoc informed him.

"What? Yew serious!?" 2D frowned. "The fuckin' bastard..."

"The reason they created the band was to comment on the lack of substance in popular music."

"Now there's some truth in that." Russel said. "The landscape of popular music at the time was so devoid of soul."

Murdoc agreed. "Yeah, too right mate. From hangers on of the already dead Grunge period like Creed and Limp Bizkit... Ugggh, to dime-a-dozen manufactured groups like Five or S Club 7. 2D actually used to screw one of the birds from that lot."

"Oy, what does that have to do with anythin'? You're the one that fucked that up for me Mudz." 2D frowned at him.

"That's so amazing! That's like a true artist."

"I love it! There's like, mystery behind it."

"That's so innovative."

"It forces the audience to focus more on the music instead of like, "I like this song because it's Nicki Minaj". It makes you focus on whether you truly like the song or not."

"It's good to see that the attitude of thinking for yourself is alive and well." Noodle said. "I've never lost hope for my generation in the artistic standpoint."

"The Chainsmokers are two guys but have new artists come in and help them with their songs. It feels like that's what they're doing."

"Who the bloody hell are the Chainsmokers?" 2D asked. "No idea" Murdoc shook his head. "Me neither" said Russel. "An electronic duo." Noodle said. "They're not anything special."

"So coming in April, Gorillaz will be releasing their first full album since 2011."

"That's right. Album drops April the 28th." Russel grinned.

"Are you going to check it out when it gets released?" The interviewer asked the young adults.

"Hell yeah, they're one of my all-time favourite bands."

"Yeah! They've had so many hits."

"Now that I know more about them, yeah."

"Hell yes! I'm going down to my local music shop, gonna pick up the album, and that's getting played for a month straight."

And with that, the video of the College kids reacting to Gorillaz concluded.

The manager for their channel cleared their throat to gain the band's attention. "So... Do you guys have any final thoughts on this? The kids from the vid may very well watch this one."

"Right, well. I'll go first then, kiddos." Murdoc spoke up before anyone else had the time to talk. "Even if though they were fed the lie that we don't talk about, in all sincerity it was good to see the new stuff gaining attention. And I was honestly shocked that so many of them knew who we were. I assumed the young people had mostly just forgotten about us and moved on to the next big flash in the pan. But nope, sometimes the kiddy winks really do surprise you with how turned on they really are. So uh, thanks for the support and... one more thing: IT'S MY BAND! And don't any of you forget it."

"Ahem," Noodle started. "I'm sure I'm not much older than these people, but it makes me happy to see such other open-minded individuals. I appreciate the passion from some and the curiosity from others. It's was also kind of fun to get a bit of a blast from the past. Some of that stuff I hadn't seen in years. I hope we get see at least some of you when we go on tour!" She smiled.

Russel's turn. "Well, I've said many times before, but it's always going to be the young people who are the most open-minded, while simultaneously being the most misunderstood. It's very easy to write off young people as a shallow, collective stereotype of kids who only follow the trends, and what the media tells them to do. But that's just what the media want you to believe. Not just young people, but even young kids are smarter than you think. Don't write off what they say just because of their age."

"Got a bit deep there, Russ." Murdoc said.

The band then turn to 2D, fiddling with a cigarette. "Wot? Oh yeah, guess it's my turn." he thought about what to say for a moment, before sharing his thoughts.

"Well, I have to say seein' this video was uhh... heartwarming. Yeah, that's a good word for it. Some of these people would've been very lil' kids when the first album dropped. Hell, I know there's some fans that weren't even born when it came out. But to see that so many people have stuck with us for so long, that's incredible. To say to all of the fans, yew've all grown up to be such smart, thoughtful, compassionate, creative and even handsome or beautiful young adults. And that's something to be proud of yerselfs for. If anyone has big aspirations for anything, like not just music, yew've just gotta stay strong and keep working to achieve what you wish for. If yew've got the passion, the world will beat a path to your door... Or drive a car through a store window and knock you out catatonic, as well as both yer eyes, but that may just be me."

That was... more meaningful than they expected. Noodle clapped for 2D. Russel grinned proudly while Murdoc game a small smile. "Ehh, Not bad, Mr Stu-Pot. Not bad."

"All right guys, I think that's a wra-" The manager froze.

"What's wrong?" Asked Murdoc. They turned to face the band nervously.

"I uhh... I think I pressed the wrong button... I forgot to press record on the camera. We'll have to record this reaction again."

"WHAT!?" The four yelped.

They sacked their Youtube manager the next day.

#gorillaz #gorillaz fanfiction #gorillaz fanfic #not an imagine #react

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fashiontrendin-blog · 6 years ago

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http://fashion-trendin.com/the-best-new-menswear-pieces-to-buy-right-now-40/

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Wrangler Regular Denim Jacket

Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt broke the internet this week – leaning back and rocking a great big dollop of seventies fashion in the first photo from Quentin Tarantino’s new film Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. It’s the double denim worn by Pitt that is the real star of the show so get in on the action with Wrangler’s iconic jean jacket. Devastating good looks not included.

Buy Now: £90.00

Richard James Kim Sunglasses

Savile Row was feeling a bit stuffy before Richard James set up shop in the early 1990s and gave it a shake-up. Nearly three decades on, the brand is firmly part of the tailoring establishment, so it was probably about time it set up shop elsewhere. The destination? The Sun, baby, with a new set of sunglasses that look as chic as its suits.

Buy Now: £355.00

Just for Men Grey Reducing Anti-Dandruff Shampoo

Like a superhero sworn to rid your scalp of every nuisance that can blight the hair of middle-aged men, Just For Men has released an update to its grey-reducing formula in the shape of a shampoo that also works to tackle pesky dandruff, too.

Buy Now: £8.99

Carhartt WIP Striped T-Shirt

‘Jeans and a nice top’ has become the universal uniform for girls on a night out, and we lads shouldn’t be afraid to follow suit. What warrants a nice top, though? Having cooked in a work shirt all week, it’s best to go for a T-shirt, an excellent option being this funky logo choice from workwear-as-streetwear expert Carhartt WIP.

Buy Now: £34.99

Havaianas Origine Beach Shoes

Sometimes it pays to stick to what you know, but then if flip-flop making maestros Havaianas did that we would never have these cool and breezy espadrilles to savour. An update on the classic style, the palm tree beauties come with a unique heat-resistant sole to help you walk around the hotel pool like an ooh-ahhing John Wayne.

Buy Now: £32.00

The Idle Man Breton Stripe Navy Jumper

Give us a good summer jumper and a breezy afternoon any day of the year. But don’t go silly and lug around a chunky cable-knit with you; instead opt for this light towel-textured Breton option from The Idle Man, because the boys from Brittany sure know how to regulate their body temperature when the weather is being a cruel mistress.

Buy Now: £30.00

Onia Linen Blazer

Since 2009, premium swimwear brand Onia has been on a mission to take men’s swimwear from budgie smugglers and oversized board shorts to something actually cool. And now the brand has its eyes set on conquering the rest of the male wardrobe. Its first-ever men’s blazer – cut with a relaxed, oversized fit and made out of a slouchy linen fabric – is a pretty good start.

Buy Now: £255.00

New Balance x J.Crew 791 Suede Sneakers

Throw a tactile fabric on a shoe and we’re sold quicker than Usain Bolt playing Supermarket Sweep. And that’s just what New Balance has done this week, updating its archive 791 style with an all-over suede construction for fellow US brand J. Crew, resulting in a preppy piece of footwear that’s giving us all the feels.

Buy Now: £75.00

Sif Jakobs Mariotto Croce Blue Bracelet

Most men’s experience with bracelets ends at wearing grotty Glastonbury wristbands from 2005. Make this the season to upgrade your armwear with a proper bracelet, like this soft braided blue leather example from Scandinavian jewellery maker Sif Jakobs. All the style, none of the stench.

Buy Now: £109.00

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jesusvasser · 7 years ago

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First Drive: 2018 Ford Mustang GT Premium

MALIBU, California — Three years ago, Ford released what was considered by many to be the best Mustang GT ever—at least from a ride and handling standpoint given that it had finally been fitted with an independent rear suspension—sending the market’s last car with a solid rear axle out to pasture. But as Chevy continues to lob Camaro grenades Ford’s way in the continuing pony car wars, Dearborn’s engineers needed to retool and reload. Ford’s latest weapon is its newest best Mustang GT ever, which we’ve come to Malibu to ride.

Individually, the changes to the 2018 Ford Mustang GT aren’t that significant, but taken together they add up to an impressive overall package. On the cosmetic side of things, there’s an updated front end that includes a redesigned hood, grille, and fenders, plus standard LED headlamps, and updated optional LED turn signals and fog lamps. The rear wasn’t ignored, either; there, the entire 2018 Mustang lineup receives a redesigned fascia with updated LED taillamps and, for the GT, a standard quad-tip exhaust.

Interior tweaks include restyled seating surfaces, a hand-stitched center console, and the option of a 12-inch digital gauge cluster and a heated steering wheel—with upgraded leather, at that.

Of far greater significance to enthusiasts, however, are the mechanical updates to the 2018 Mustang GT, which mainly consist of additions rather than revisions, starting with the available MagneRide adjustable suspension previously found only on the Shelby GT350 (it’s available on the 2018 Mustang EcoBoost as well).

More power was another. For 2018, the Mustang GT’s 5.0-liter V-8 receives an extra 25 hp and 20 extra lb-ft of torque courtesy of multiple updates that include a higher redline of 7,500 rpm, bringing its output to 460 hp and 420 lb-ft. Ford hasn’t released any official performance numbers yet, but the extra juice should shave a couple of tenths off its acceleration times—a 2016 GT tested by our sister publication Motor Trend took 4.6 seconds to hit 60 mph, so expect the 2018 model to get there in 4.4 seconds or so.

Another piece of hardware that Ford thoroughly worked over is the GT’s six-speed manual transmission. Completely redesigned for 2018, the gearbox now features a twin-disc clutch and a dual-mass flywheel. The practical effect is that it’s a joy to row, offering crisp, smooth shifts and an easy to work clutch—practically the opposite of the heavy, springy pedal found in the Camaro. To those who say the manual is dead, Ford is clearly saying, “not yet.” Those that can’t or don’t want to operate a third pedal can opt for Ford’s new 10-speed automatic, which we’ll tell you about in the not-too-distant future. Given our recent experience with it in vehicles from the Raptor to the 2018 Expedition, we’re betting it’ll be good.

Opt for the GT’s $3,995 Performance Pack (you’d be silly not to) and you’ll get a set of goodies that includes 19-inch aluminum wheels, staggered Michelin Pilot Sport 4S tires (255/40R19 front, 275/40R19 rear), and upgraded front brakes consisting of six-piston Brembo calipers and 15.0-inch rotors (single-piston calipers and 13.0-inch rotors remain at the rear). The package also comes with an anti-roll bar, silver strut tower brace, larger radiator, a Torsen limited-slip differential, different tunes for the electronic power steering, chassis, ABS, and stability control, and a fancy aluminum instrument panel.

For maximum aural pleasure, you’ll want to check the box for the new Active Valve Performance Exhaust. The $895 bit lets you keep things calm and cool so you don’t anger the neighbors on the way to Cars and Coffee while also offering up opportunities for sonic nirvana during near-redline second gear tunnel blasts. All you have to do is change the drive mode using the handy center stack-mounted switch. In addition to turning up the volume, the more aggressive modes, which include Sport+ and Track, tighten up the adjustable suspension, steering, and throttle response.

The magnetic dampers give the Mustang a stable and compliant ride in almost every situation. On the overgrown autocross course that is Malibu’s Latigo Canyon Road—with its technically challenging corners and multiple elevation changes—the Mustang GT never got unsettled, even if the camber was off while the radius was decreasing and the pavement was uneven. A stand-alone option, MagneRide costs $1,695. Like the performance pack, it’s a piece you should scrape up the pennies to acquire.

Complementing the suspension is the Mustang’s well-sorted steering, which offers a healthy amount of resistance while delivering inputs to the front wheels in a linear and responsive manner. The Brembos are sports-car-proper as well and grab the rotors deliberately and progressively. And the sticky Michelins offer grip for days.

In all, pony car may not be the most appropriate descriptor of the 2018 Mustang GT. Instead, it feels like a bona fide, purebred sports car, ready to tussle with the best Europe has to offer. And unlike most of Ze Germanz (and Italians and Britons), all of this performance can be had for less than $50,000.

The Race Red-painted, Equipment Group 401A-equipped tester you see here (the pack includes the digital gauge cluster, heated steering wheel, Wi-Fi hotspot, navigation, and a few premium interior treatments) rang in at $50,770. But unless you’re planning on using your Mustang GT as a track-day hero, you can safely skip the $1,595 Recaro seats. The standard buckets offer plenty of bolstering for spirited on-street driving while providing better overall support. More importantly, selecting the Recaros forces you to give up Ford’s excellent seat heaters and coolers.

Another $395 can be shaved by skipping the Enhanced Security package unless you have a thing for wheel locks, though the electronically locking center console makes a strong argument for itself if you have a frequent need to leave valuables inside the car.

As for what the 2018 Ford Mustang GT means in the context of the greater pony car wars, consider its two, er, challengers. The Chevy Camaro SS 1LE is sharper, but stiffer and tighter, and its confined cabin and sight line deficiencies are well documented—issues that make the Mustang better at the task of being a daily driver in my mind. The Mustang GT’s closest Mopar rival, the Challenger T/A, meanwhile, is a fat muscle car that’s great at cruising but is nowhere near as fun to toss around a canyon. To use the well-worn Goldilocks analogy, for the enthusiast seeking a rear-drive, manual, naturally aspirated V-8-powered sports coupe for the street, freeway, canyon, and track, the 2018 Ford Mustang GT is just right.

2018 Ford Mustang GT Premium Specifications

ON SALE Now PRICE $39,995/$50,770 (base/as tested) ENGINE 5.0L DOHC 32-valve V-8/460 hp @ 7,000 rpm, 420 lb-ft @ 4,600 rpm TRANSMISSION 6-speed manual LAYOUT 2-door, 4-passenger, front-engine, RWD coupe EPA MILEAGE 15/25 mpg (city/hwy) L x W x H 188.5 x 75.4 x 54.3 in WHEELBASE 107.1 in WEIGHT 3705 lb 0-60 MPH 4.4 sec (est) TOP SPEED N/A

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jonathanbelloblog · 7 years ago

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First Drive: 2018 Ford Mustang GT Premium

Interior tweaks include restyled seating surfaces, a hand-stitched center console, and the option of a 12-inch digital gauge cluster and a heated steering wheel—with upgraded leather, at that.

2018 Ford Mustang GT Premium Specifications

#IFTTT #Performance Junk Blogger Feed 4

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eddiejpoplar · 7 years ago

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First Drive: 2018 Ford Mustang GT Premium

Interior tweaks include restyled seating surfaces, a hand-stitched center console, and the option of a 12-inch digital gauge cluster and a heated steering wheel—with upgraded leather, at that.

2018 Ford Mustang GT Premium Specifications

#IFTTT #Performance Junk Blogger 6

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yahoo-puck-daddy-blog · 8 years ago

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How the Blue Jackets came back down to earth (Trending Topics Extra)

COLUMBUS, OH – JANUARY 19: Brandon Dubinsky #17 of the Columbus Blue Jackets stands at center ice during warmups prior to the start of the game against the Ottawa Senators on January 19, 2017 at Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio. (Photo by Kirk Irwin/Getty Images)

It was a psychological effect, more than anything else.

When you’re winning, as the Columbus Blue Jackets were for a good chunk of the season, there’s little impetus for fans, players, coaches, or executives to question the process by which those wins were gained. In fact, even outside observers who should know better become tempted to explain away the team’s more glaring problems and instead highlight why what they’ve done right is capital-S Sustainable.

Things came to a head starting in late November, when the team began what eventually became a 16-game winning streak. Though they’d started 11-5-4, catapulting yourself to 27-5-4 is a good way to dispel any doubts about your ascension to the top of the hockey world. The reviews of the Blue Jackets’ play from all but the hardiest of skeptics went from credulous to fawning. There was, in fact, even the suggestion that their success through 36 games — some 44 percent of the season — was going to change the face of the league. For instance, because the Blue Jackets didn’t hold morning skates and had this incredible amount of success, it stood to reason that the rest of the league should follow suit.

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(Of course, they should follow suit, because it’s to everyone’s benefit to cancel morning skates and everyone also hates it. But tradition is tradition and unless given a very convincing reason, it’s probably never going to change. This is the NHL, after all.)

However, more recently the Blue Jackets have been on the losing end of their results far more often than they used to be. They have losses in 10 of their last 17 games, and only have four regulation wins in that stretch. This means their opponents — all but two of whom are also in the Eastern Conference — have a .618 points percentage against Columbus since Jan. 5. Columbus’s points percentage in that same stretch is just .441.

So there are three very distinct portions of the Blue Jackets’ season, and they can be divided somewhat evenly: The first 20 games they were great, the next 16 they were unbeatable, and the last 17 they were awful. And hey, if more than two-thirds of your season to date features a combined .806 points percentage, you’re in great shape.

But the first half of the season is for figuring out what a team “is,” to inform projections about what it will do in the second half and the postseason. At this point, the Blue Jackets are basically a playoff lock, but their inability to pick up Ws for the past month-plus is something we might have expected had we been looking at something other than goals-for, goals-against, and the standings column.

Far be it for me to suggest that adjusted 5-on-5 shot-attempt data is perhaps the best predictor of future success, here in the year two-thousand seventeen anno Domini. But hey listen, folks: It kinda still is. And with that in mind, let’s just sit here and remind ourselves again that all indications were that Columbus was a mediocre team that pounded bad opponents, struggled against good ones, and came out on the winning end most nights regardless of those successes or failures.

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Here, then, is how the Blue Jackets’ full-season stats (bottom row) rank from left to right, respectively, in the entire NHL: fourth in total points percentage, eighth in attempts, 11th in scoring chances, seventh in shots on goal, fifth in goals, 12th in expected goals, fifth in shooting percentage, 10th in save percentage, and sixth in PDO.

As you can see, all but those goal margins are somewhat slim, meaning that if luck abandons them in any given game (which, as you can see, it has lately) they’re going to struggle to put wins on the board. You can also see that until their previous 17-game stretch of futility, they always outperformed their expected goals by a significant margin at 5-on-5.

It’s also important to note that their vaunted power play, which many credited as having (you guessed it) “figured out shot quality” has been in the dumps for a month. This was a 5-on-4 unit that ran at more than 30 percent for much of the season, through sheer luck. You cannot “talent” your way to a team PP% that’s like 80 percent better than the league average, and even if you could, Columbus never had the horses to do it.

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Power play scoring rates also help to explain the Blue Jackets’ winning ways early in the season, and why they’ve been losing lately. Breaking down those same three distinct portions of their season, the power play looks like this: 28.3 percent in the first 20 contests, 28.3 percent in the 16-game winning streak (fun coincidence there), and 11.9 percent in the past 17.

In fact, Columbus hasn’t scored on the power play at all in 10 of their past 11 games. For the entire rest of the season combined, their PP was held off the board only 18 times in 42 games.

These struggles were totally foreseeable if you wanted to actually see them. You didn’t even have to go hunting for them. They were right there for the viewing. Because honestly, there’s not a lot this team has done at any point to really make you stand up and say, “Now this is an elite team,” other than the winning. And if you looked at the underlying numbers, you understood fundamentally that the winning wasn’t going to last.

Like any team, the Blue Jackets are beholden to shooting and goaltending success, and they don’t have a sound enough process (like, say, the Kings of the past few years) to both suffer from a low PDO and ensure long-term success. The underlying numbers say they should be a slightly above-average team, the standings say they’re elite. The underlying numbers always win out over a long enough timeline.

Yahoo

And to circle back to the idea of psychological effects, Tortorella and others are now ascribing mysticism to their recent problems, rather than the fact that this team is, frankly, mediocre.

“It’s attrition through this part of the schedule. To me, it’s mental toughness. That’s where we’re going to have more lessons,” Tortorella told Craig Custance. “They have to understand how difficult it is. … They have to experience it and accept the challenge. They have to raise their level.”

So now Tortorella is meeting with his team multiple times a week to figure out the issues and get back to their previous success. One imagines those meetings come up with few effective answers.

This idea that you get more goals by trying hard rather than just getting bounces is of course silly and easily dismissed as the ravings of an out-of-touch coach. After all, before the hockey world started inscribing Tortorella’s name on the Jack Adams a month and a half ago, he was widely derided as a coach in over his head at both the NHL and international levels. As well he should have been.

Is it possible for coaches to adapt? Sure. The improved percentages this Columbus club posted to date (with slightly more talent than it had last year) might imply Tortorella learned something. But he was seen as clueless in the United States’ humiliating loss at the World Cup, and he cannot have synthesized lessons learned into a better on-ice product for his NHL club in, what, a two-week turnaround? Again, the numbers say this is a perfectly alright team, but if you ever thought they were elite-level or had figured out how to generate shot quality while simultaneously denying it (something no coach, let alone one of Tortorella’s past performance, has ever done), you have to ask yourself a simple, salient question: Where did all that go?

Custance says it’s the psychological and physical effect of getting everyone’s “A” game every night, and that might be part of it. But Nick Foligno, for example, wasn’t going to shoot 16 percent all season no matter how hard or soft he was covered. And hey, Foligno shot 15.9 percent in the first 36 games of the season (he missed two of them), and he’s at 12.2 percent since. That’s going to happen, and you’ll never ever guess his career shooting percentage. Okay here’s a hint: it’s 12.1.

You can do this all day: Pick a Columbus player almost at random, and his on-ice percentages were probably going to be too high to be sustainable. That includes Sergei Bobrovsky, who’s been awful for the last month.

Put simply: No one figures out shot quality on a team level — certainly not both for or against simultaneously — and over 50, 60, 82 games. Goaltending talent can often keep your team sv% quite high (look what the Rangers did for a decade before this season) but that doesn’t appear to have much to do with coaching.

You can summarize the issues this way: Over this putrid 17-game stretch, in which Columbus has just four regulation wins and were just shut out at home by Vancouver, they’ve been a lot better than their record. In the previous 36 games, they were a lot worse. These things even out, though they probably shouldn’t to this extent.

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Wins are wins, but long-term you are who the numbers say you are. Columbus is a perfectly alright team but it didn’t take a psychic to see trouble was on the horizon. Their air of invincibility is gone. Maybe teams will stop giving them their “A” game every night now. Maybe they’ll start posting PDOs in the 103 range. Maybe the winning hockey will start up again as a result.

But probably not.

Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here.

All stats via Corsica unless otherwise stated.