#THE MAHJONG TOOK ME OUT I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT IT

[thegreatsolaris]

GAH I FEEL INSANE ABOUT THIS /POSITIVE

This was just supposed to be focused on how different artists draw Kogoro's hair in specific, but it ended up with me fully just mimicking the art styles of two other Kogoro artists/enjoyers: @thegreatsolaris @murkywater-art

I HAVE NOTICED THOUGH that everyone seems to draw Kogoro's hair differently (which I love to see) and so many people make it longer/give him a mullet. And god I wish I had the courage, y'all're tempting me

[leog4u]

Game Design and Porn Pt. 1

or, How To Fuck Up The Best Intrinsic Reward Ever

Hi, I'm Leo G, veteran pervert. One time while chatting in a server exclusively made of porn artists, I brought up the game design of a porn game I enjoyed. One of them laughed, saying "Who cares, it's just a porn game?" Being unwell, I never let this go. Since then, I have played many adult games and took each one as serious products made by professionals. Fast forward to today, and the demo for my porn game, Joker's Trip, is nearing completion. I also have some sci-fi erotica you should check out.

So you wanna make a porn game. You heard they make money, and hey what’s more fun than making a video game AND porn? But you don’t know where to begin! Well don’t worry, Leo’s got you covered. We’re gonna walk through the line of thinking you should have when designing your porn game. There's gonna be at least three parts to this, with part 1 focusing on how to reward your player.

Define "porn game" for me, Leo.

There are porn games, and then games with porn in them. A porn game is a game where you won’t last 5 minutes, where everything exists solely to meet and, subsequently, fuck. A game with porn in it is a game where everything exists for the purpose of the game, and also, you fuck. Fate Stay Night, for example, is a VN with a story that just so happens to have some CGs where the protagonist rails Saber, but is mainly about Shirou and the Holy Grail War. Much like how I would call Castlevania a game with horror in it, but not a horror game.

Porn games are a lot like horror games. They both get a bad rap for being cheap to make, appealing to base instincts, and generally being low quality. They're also both not actual genres of games, but genres of content. Think about it, if I asked you what a horror game is, you'd say a game that's scary. But what's the actual game part? The unfortunate answer would most likely be "walking sim," but there are a lot of examples that are FPSes, puzzles, driving sims, platformers, deck builders, the list goes on.

The most common genres of game I see for porn games these days are by far RPG Maker RPGs and VNs. I won’t be talking about VNs because they’re closer to writing than game design, which isn’t a flaw but a feature. What used to be everywhere, in days of old, were breakout games, where the more bricks and levels were cleared, the more of the sexy image would be revealed in the background. Other arcadey type deals like shoot ‘em ups and mahjong were also around, and had a similar “strip ‘em down until you have sex” gameplay loop.

Okay, so what’s an intrinsic reward?

There’s intrinsic rewards, and there're extrinsic rewards. Extrinsic rewards, generally, are the number go up rewards. Things that make your character stronger, or give you more resources to buy new gear or whatever. Intrinsic rewards in games can cover a large swathe of things. It can be the feeling of satisfaction of completing a puzzle, a piece of lore or world building, or a new dialogue option with a character you want to fuck.

I like fucking characters, are we talking about porn now?

Yes! I’m of the opinion that you literally can’t make a better intrinsic reward than pornography. On top of setting the tone for the entirety of the game., at its best it can add to a story, add to someone’s character development, or be a beautiful piece of art to look at. AND you can jack off to it! Unfortunately, that’s at its best. Let’s talk about how porn is delivered in a theoretical RPG porn game. (As a head’s up, there will be talk of “bad end” scenes, but this is under the assumption that the player is the one consenting.)

So you’re playing an RPG and get into a fight. Maybe you were underleveled or too cumbrained to remember to buy healing potions. Then your HP goes to zero, and instead of going back to the title screen, you’re getting fucked by orcs. That’s right, let’s talk about Game Over CGs.

You get to watch porn when you lose?

To someone making a porn game with a battle system, this delivery method makes sense. The characters in this world are driven primarily by lust, this is just the obvious conclusion. And it doesn’t even have to be non-consensual! Games like Future Fragments show that it can be presented as a sexy inconvenience rather than anything uncomfortable for the player or our hero. Game Over CGs even have the benefit of softening the blow of defeat, by giving the player a chance to reflect on their defeat and jerk off. Even better if losing a fight isn’t lost progress, but rather a bump in the road. However, there’s a problem here. The player is a dog, and we’re rewarding bad behavior.

The porn is an intrinsic reward, so why are we giving it to the player for losing? Incentivizing losing on purpose isn’t just bad game design, but a waste of time. And to that end, a lot of porn games try to give solutions to this. One being a kill button on the keyboard or a skill that instantly KOs our hero to get to the lose screen faster. What might seem like a convenience is really just expediting failure.

What it says is that the gameplay doesn’t actually matter. You’re just here for the porn, right? In that case there’s plenty of places I can go to see a chick with huge knockers get railed by an orc, with the added bonus of not having to play forgettable and mid turn based combat!

Another solution I’ve seen is the game outright telling you, “hey don’t bother killing yourself to see the porn. Once you beat the game all of the scenes you missed will be unlocked!” At first this seems like a reasonable way to go about it, but it comes with another problem: your game better be fucking good to make me play through the entire thing before getting to see cock. Like I said earlier, porn at its best can reveal things about the world and drive character development. I uh. Just beat the game. I don’t care anymore. Showing me a scene that’s taken out of context by a factor of 5 hours or more isn’t what I’d call great game design or story telling. It’s also too little, too late.

What if we made the porn actual rewards?

Now we’re getting somewhere! Let’s make the reward…a reward! What if, every time the player beats a level, we get some porn? If we tie the CG to beating the boss, we’ll be tying the reward to game progression. That’s good right? So now, on top of the extrinsic rewards you’d normally get for beating a boss (a lot of EXP, better gear, opened areas) we also get that sweet dopamine rush of pornography! So we’re good, right?

There’s 1142 words left in this post, so I’m assuming no.

Well. It’s a start. It has the problem of predictability. If not handled properly, it comes off as lazy. As a game designer, one of your goals is to not constantly remind your player that they’re playing a video game. Get through the level, get porn. It feels a little too “mouse in a maze looking for cheese” for my taste. And much like the game over method, if the actual game itself is mid, the player will start to question if the reward is worth it, and might be afflicted with the worst condition a player could receive: boredom.

Of course there are exceptions. In puzzle or arcade type games where you don’t get extrinsic rewards, giving the player porn as another form of reward per level or whatever is perfectly reasonable (though it does have the issue of being predictable.) This is a perfectly good way of doing it if your game is short, or if the game is, y’know, good and fun to play. Bad Color’s game, Heroine Conquest, is a level based puzzle game with porn as the reward, but only when you do good. Combining the actual challenge of mastering the game, with a genuinely unique game loop makes for a feeling of accomplishment when beating a level. Pair that up with a sex cutscene, and the dopamine rush will hit.

So! Let’s combine giving the player a power trip, with a less rigid structure for giving the player porn. Instead of tying the porn to purely progression gates, let’s tie it to the progression.

Plot milestones

In Third Crisis, sex scenes are peppered throughout the regular game’s plot, starting with some lesbian bondage before introducing the protagonist, who goes through a tutorial before having their own horny encounters. It’s not just given when you win or lose, but is a natural part of the game. Beating bosses, losing to enemies, and exploring dialogue options in sidequests all lead to unlocking new CGs.

Now what’s nice about that, is that the sex isn’t placed somewhere extremely predictable. It isn’t just a reward for beating The Boss Of Forest Zone, Now Go To Ice Zone And Beat The Ice Boss For More Cock. Because that’s the biggest issue of predictable rewards, you know you’re not getting anything until that checkpoint, which will make the player weigh whether or not it’s even worth continuing. This is fine, again, for an arcade type game, not an RPG or adventure game. By sprinkling sex throughout the plot itself, the player will not only want to progress, but their curiosity will have them wondering “what else is out there?”

Rewarding exploration

By putting sex scenes behind optional side quests or encounters, the dog that is the player will scour every single corner of the map, and leave no pixel unturned. Personally, that’s more exciting to me than what you’ll get in the main progression route. In Future Fragments the player can find their rival Faye in sexual situations if they explore the map enough. These are completely optional, and don’t give any direct rewards like more HP or an item, but they’re by far what motivates me to explore the maps as thoroughly as possible, more so than the plot macguffins the game is named after!

So now the player is excited. Sex can happen anywhere. Maybe that daunting off road path with stronger monsters isn’t just hiding a secret, but a sexy secret! They’ll be more likely to venture down those optional paths you painstakingly made.

If we’re using sex in game overs, boss fights, and just randos, why not put it everywhere?

So now I want to talk about the concept of a “sex stat”. It’s not a bad idea! Say, the higher the player’s sex stat is, the more opportunities you unlock for fucking. It could even be tied to the player character’s personality, and affect the story! Instead of using a sword and shield, they’ll end any conflict with sass and sex. They open their eyes to the horny world around them and stop being a hero, and instead become a succubus, and the ending is a massive cum filled orgy.

That sounds excessive

Yeah, it does, doesn’t it.

I’m not a fan of “corruption” systems in porn games. Corruption as a kink is totally fine, and having it be a part of the story lets you incorporate more sexuality into the plot. But as I alluded to, it snowballs pretty fast (and I’m not talking about spitting in someone’s mouth). It ends up being like a cheat code, where you’re bypassing parts of the game for no cost. It stops being a reward, it stops being unexpected, and it stops it from being sexy.

Wait, what? Stops being sexy? What’s not sexy about a succubus orgy?

Alright, listen, we gotta rein it in for a minute. This isn’t so much about game design as it is about writing erotica, but if you have a world where everyone’s fucking and sucking 24/7, there’s no contrast to make what would normally be a hot taboo a hot taboo. If everybody’s naked, nobody’s naked. The aforementioned snowball effect of a corruption system can be seen if you play literally any game that has one. It won’t take long to not have to engage with any combat or adventuring system if you can just press the “Submit to the big dick warlock” button and watch porn to progress.

Which, now that I said that, is exactly the problem. Imagine any other rpg you’ve ever played. Now imagine if every encounter and dialogue option had an option to just watch a short cutscene to skip the encounter. That would suck ass, right? Literally no difference here.

It would. Hey, I’m sort of lost now.

Don’t worry, we’re wrapping this up.

So what did we learn? We learned game over CGs have a critical design flaw that shouldn’t be relied on. We learned that predictable rewards can lead to boredom. We learned to keep sex as a reward and not devalue it.

To summarize, here’s a neat trick to know where to put your porn scenes.

”Would I put an Xbox Live achievement here?”

It’s that easy. “Lose to Goblins for the first time,” that’s an achievement. “Beat orc commander,” that’s an achievement. “Find Hubert the Magical Dickhead,” that’s an achievement. Using that as a guideline is foolproof. Almost.

This sounds like it’d take a lot of resources

It sure does! But don’t worry. I’ll cover that in the next post talking all about how to deal with the resource management of a porn game.

(Shoutout to Taylor, my guy for editing!)

[angsthology]

“i don’t have a problem!” — or an alt title: roo definitely “doesn’t” have a problem

just a little predicament

a/n ended up not liking this much

THE KANGAROO(KIE) VS. THE WORLD

in truth, like every memory she has, it was all a blur.

(should she get her brain checked? maybe. but that’s a conversation for later—if she remembers.)

one moment she was walking innocently with her little snoopy water bottle (that once had am alfa romeo logo on it but fred eventually gave up on trying to remove the stickers she had put over it) on her right hand and her phone on her left; deathly focus on the game on her screen.

next, she was shoved—gently but firmly, surprisingly—onto a chair in a dark room. now only one light turned on above her eyes making her squint. wait —are her hands tied?

then a scold came from the dark, but she doesn’t think it was exactly directed at her.

“what—no! what’s wrong with you? you’ll hurt her eyes! turn on all the lights properly.”

…george?

the lights then turned on properly.

woah. so crowded.

she scrunched her brows together in confusion.

“what’s going on?” she asked a bit quietly.

“we need to talk—” the brit started.

“you have a problem!” a french accent interrupted.

“—mate!” he scolded the alphatauri driver.

said man shrugged, “i am not wasting any more time on this, she needs to know.”

“know what?” she asked.

“here’s the thing kid—”

“we need to talk about your… m problem.” the french whispered the last part.

m problem? she was so confused, she said the first thing that came to her mind, “menstruation?”

suddenly all the men in the room frantically answered together in a strings of ‘no’s and defenses saying it has nothing to do with that m.

“okay so… what?” she paused, “and where is nando?”

the monégasque in the back with his arms crossed scrunches his brows, “what’s he got to do with this?” he whispers mostly to himself.

“nando is getting taken care of.” george answered shortly.

“YOU’RE KILLING HIM?”

he shook back, “what– no! he’s fine! —well…”

“GEORGE.”

“he’s with lando!” he raised his hands in defense quickly.

“THAT’S WORSE!” she cried.

in response, the monégasque in the back couldn’t help but snort.

“russell! we are getting off-topic.” complained the french driver.

said man cleared his throat, “right. thank you, pierre.”

“you can thank me by speeding this up.”

george ignores him, eyes back on the girl on the chair looking up at him with clueless eyes.

“you have a mahjong problem.”

she scrunches her brows, “what—problem? i don’t have a problem.”

“yes you do.”

“name one time—”

suddenly a new voice emerged from the side, “okay! grid picture, three weeks ago.”

“alex?”

“that’s me alright! —yeah, remember when you tried to remove me.”

she scoffed, she was about to say something but he beat her to it.

everyone was getting called one by one to be placed in their spots in the frame when the two williams driver stood on opposite ends of the line as they were to wait for more instructions from the photographer when suddenly the—not yet called for—alfa romeo driver walks over to nicholas and without uttering a word, pushed him out of the lineup—he could’ve been offended, but truth be told he was far too busy being confused—then proceeded to move to the other side of the line towards his teammate.

the photographer, previously focused on his work, took a step back when he saw the woman running around just to see what was happening.

the girl—like she had done with latifi—pushed the thai driver out of the line up and steps back to see the full picture.

“mahjong match…” she mumbled under her breath.

“oh, please, you’re just bringin’ stuff up. latifi’s over it!” she raised her hand to point towards the canadian driver.

the attention moved to said driver, he lift both his hands in surrender, “jury’s still out.”

they all then turn back to her accusingly.

then, carlos—completely spawned in out of nowhere—opens his mouth, “i mean; i don’t think you have a problem, cariño��”

“butt out, kiss ass.” alex glared at the spaniard, resulting in the latter to throw his hands up in surrender.

roo rolled her eyes, “whatever! it was just that one time, doesn’t make it a problem!” she defended.

only, her defense was cut by a too-familiar voice. “oh, it’s already a problem.”

her eyes almost popped out of their sockets at the person who showed.

“NIKA?! you’re part of this?” she exclaimed.

said girl uncrossed her arms and walked over to her friend tied to the chair.

she rolls her eyes, “when it involves my stuff, yes i’m a part of it.”

at that, the driver on the chair blinks. she inhaled as if she was about to say something but stopped herself short, closing her mouth shut again. she blinks again, eyes then looking around as if to find something.

“…right.” she looks up at her friend.

she nodded with pursed lips, “yeah.”

nika was calmly scrolling through twitter on her laptop with the glee soundtrack playing in the background when she was—harshly, rudely interrupted with a person slamming the door open into her room.

she screamed, closing her laptop shut and throwing away.

—okay, but it wasn’t like she was looking at anything bad… she was just embarrassed (for some reason) and panicked.

“can i borrow your keyboard thanks.”

the girl didn’t spare a second or wait for an answer from her friend before sitting down on her organized desk right besides her friend’s bed where her the white and pink bluetooth keyboard was placed.

when she finally recovered from the shock, nika whipped to the side and glared at her racer friend (that was in her own world).

“pineapples!” she scolded—eyes widening when she sees her removing both of her shift keys from each side, “what the hell are you doing?!”

at that, the girl did a double take at her friend before stopping. “oh, hi nika.”

she then looked back towards the keyboard in front of her then to the two keys in her hand to the missing ones on the keyboard.

It was still quiet besides the music in the background, nika still looked at her friend a bit angrily but also mostly confused and waiting for an answer or anything from her while roo herself was practically spacing out.

she didn’t re-address it, instead look towards her friend, “what do you think of having filipino food for dinner?”

nika clicked her tongue at the slide of topics, eyes blinking back in somewhat surrender, “uh, sure.” she shrugged.

With that, the driver replied an audible ‘okay’ before getting up and leaving.

“wait! but my key— oh whatever.” nika tried before giving up and dropping back to her bed.

“ohh…” the alfa romeo driver nodded in realization.

at that, nika jutted her chin forward with an ‘you are unbelievable’ expression. “yeah! ‘oh’, bitch.” she barked.

george then swoops in grabbing the younger girl by her shoulders from the back and gently pulling her away muttering; “alright you’re too close to this.” before handing her over to a slightly cautious charles.

then pierre got her attention, “you have a problem.” he stressed, again.

“oh hoot, what’s your problem why so personal?” roo barked back at the french. “are you still pissed at me from that lake trip?”

“no!” he answered a little too quickly and too aggressively for it to actually be a no.

george quickly swooped in—again—and shooed pierre away before a cat fight could start between the two. “can we wrap this up? i have people who are looking for me.”

“cops?” alex remarked.

“the fbi?” roo chimed in.

they both giggled together at their own jabs.

the target, on the other hand, wasn’t impressed. “i hope you both dnf next race. —whatever! i don’t know why i’m fighting two degenerates like you about this. back to you,” he turned to the girl, “as your punishment for you horrendous behavior–”

“i’m sure i wasn’t that bad…”

“—mahjong or not, you’re a menace.” george cut her back off. “you’ve lost your phone and any other gadget privileges for the next two weeks.” he finished.

her jaw dropped, “WHAT?!” she yelled.

“technology cleanse, it’ll be good for you.” he smiled, hand extending to pat her shoulder only to be caught off-guard by her face snapping to it trying to bite him, treating back his hand with a high-pitched scream escaping his lips.

he gave her one last glare before leaving the room with the rest following behind, charles being the last one to actually bid her goodbye.

then she was alone in the room tied to a chair.

—wait.

she was still tied to a chair.

“guys!” she immediately called out when she realized, “i’m still tied to this chair…” she tried. “…guys?”

later

the alfa romeo driver sighs once more, her face propped up on by her chin on both her hands. she was bored out of her mind.

“what’s wrong, kid?” her trainer popped out of nowhere.

she lifted her head to look at the man, “hey, mikey. nothing, just really bored. mother russell took away my phone.” she complained with an eye roll at the mention of the british driver.

“oh,” he the paused, opening his pockets to fish for something. a second later throwing something fairly small from it.

she didn’t exactly get a heads up but thanks to her racing driver reflexes, she caught it.

a lighter?

she looks up at the man again, one eyebrow raised in question.

“play with that.” he says casually with a smile before making his way elsewhere.

she was still confused but… sure.

lightning up the match, she stopped.

“woah.”

bonus

both men sighed again for the several time the last few minutes.

the older man was about to leave as lando re-checked his phone again to find no signs from the others that he should be done.

damn it.

“alright, kid, i think i’m goin—”

lando immediately scrambled to his feet to pull him back, “wait wait wait!” he grabbed the alpine driver by his shoulders and sat him back down in front of him.

he swore he heard a slight cry coming from fernando.

they just stared at each other for a few seconds—nando looking everywhere but at the mclaren driver in front of him while the latter blanks away to think of something.

when the spaniard looked his way, lando didn’t really know what happened but he was sure the deeper part of his brain came to the front defense for him.

he stared the older man dead in the eye and

“she’ll be coming ‘round the mountain…”

bonus²

not proofread | taglist; @treehouse-mouse @disneyprincemuke @yansbolobao @leilanixx @judespoision @vellicora @bborra @woozarts @yl90 crossed out means i cant tag u

[chuckeroo777]

Kumo Desu ga, Nani ka? Daily Life of the Four Spider Sisters: Liveblog 1

Hey! Sorry for the hiatus on the Frieren liveblog. The wizards killing each other arc burned me out a bit. So, I thought I'd jump back into liveblogging with something nice and light.

Kumo Desu has been my hyperfixation for a while, to a comparable extent to my Dungeon Meshi fixation. So, we're gonna go over the silly spinoff, laugh at the jokes, and see what bits of lore might be applicable to the main verse.

I'll probably be discussing all things Kumo Desu in this, so spoiler warning!

Before I get to the spinoff, I noticed the volume 16 cover got added. I love how volume 15 has the grand reveal of her new form, only for her to go back to girlfailing the very next cover.

So, this takes place not long after they escape the middle stratum. They are currently Ede Saines, and the split occurs shortly before inchar sends the others off to attack Mother.

Hmm... makes me wonder how the anime would handle the whole parallel wills turning evil subplot. She successfully ditched them before any foreshadowing could occur.

Ah, the first appearance of the mighty Pekatotts. I can only assume, considering that they were only barely mentioned in the main story, that Baba Okina saw the manga's design for them, and decided, yes. This is comedy gold.

Mmm hmm.

Yeah, this spinoff rapidly gives up on explaining the anachronisms. It's a silly spinoff. Things don't have to make sense.

Look, Kumoko knows how to train for results. It's a hellish ordeal, but effective. Just ask Felmina.

I mean, she isn't wrong. In canon, inchar is the one who ultimately acts as the real one.

Gee, thanks D.

You know, for all the anime's failings, it does do a better job keeping D's identity secret. I feel like if you look at all the dark silhouettes in the manga, it's pretty obvious who she is. Not that I noticed on my first read.

I suppose this is pre-enlightenment Ronandt we're talking about. Look, even Lady White can agree that poses are very important.

Yep, that's Kumoko alright. Curiousity > transitional pain and misery of others.

Why did both the manga and anime white wash my boy Gulie?

You see, the less associated with the system something is, the vaguer the appraisal results. Either that, or D is specifically trolling you. 50/50 really.

Why'd you draw him sexy tho?

Seriously, he doesn't look like that in the main manga.

Look, I can overlook a lot of nonsense, but you expect me to believe that any part of Kumoko's consciousness is a pacifist?

Now, she could have just told them on the phone, or dropped in a note, but now, they get to be reminded of their stupidity every time they appraise themselves!

How do monsters reproduce anyway? Do they actually have male/female variants? Or is it just high level monsters who obtain Egg Laying? We know their biology is at least partially system based, since monsters don't poop.

Yeah, you girls sure picked up on it real fast. Wonder why that might be.

Considering D, these are suspiciously low stakes. After all, they spent, what, an afternoon making it? They can just make another.

Ah, of course. It's part of her greater campaign of being a dick to Gulie.

"What's even the point if everyone but me is happy with the outcome?"

Now this is the sort of nonsense I'm here for.

No no no. This totally breaks the lore. As we know, all skills are in some way combat focused. No way D would allow such a convenient skill to exist. Taxes are such a rich source of suffering.

Also, Kumoko commits tax evasion.

I'd question the timeline, considering it took 35 chapters for Ronandt to arrive, when chapter 1 should occur imminently before this encounter, but since when has the timeline made any sense in any story with multiple pov?

Also, despite the encounter being my favorite scene in the whole story, I can't help but be annoyed that Buirimus survived, now that I know what sort of person he turns out to be.

I know nothing about mahjong, other than that it can double as a tile matching game. Is it like cribbage? I don't know how to play that either.

An oft forgotten aspect of the trolley problem is that a speeding trolley doesn't give you much time for philosophizing.

Uh oh. They're getting genre savvy.

Nevermind all the times that, uh, hasn't been the case.

...I'm starting to think logic is just a lost cause around here.

That's the line you draw?

As we all know, laser blast beats paper.

Starting to think they just need to avoid these guys. This is the second time an Elro Basilisk has created a doomed timeline.

And that's it for session 1! Got a little over halfway, but we'll see how chatty I get once my girl Ariel shows up.

[janetbrown711]

Tonight at Eight

Both Pigsy and Tang have blind dates tonight at eight, and there surely isn't anything suspicious about that at all

Ao3 Link

Pigsy dried off a chili-sauce stained bowl with a well worn washcloth and an eye heavy on the clock. It was barely 3:00 pm, but all Pigsy could think about was how he was closing up shop around 6:30 for a very, very important… date.

Heavens, it felt so embarrassing to admit to himself. Here he was, ill-tempered Pigsy, owner of the well-loved business Pigsy’s Noodles, father of a five-year-old, someone fully convinced his life had ended ten years ago, going on a date.

It felt childish, and it didn’t help that he’d basically dropped the idea of romance and love since Sandy–

No, he wasn’t going to think about that. He had something good to look forward to for once, and he wasn’t going to let the past ruin it… yet. Maybe. Who knows?

Pigsy sighed, adding the bowl to the clean pile and scolding himself for acting like such a teenager. He had work to do.

“You alright, Pigsy?” Tang asked innocently from his place at the bar.

Pigsy went to answer, but instead his grandmother laughed from the booth where she and Xiaotian were sitting.

“Jiejie is planning on closing early today for a ‘special event’.” She grinned at her grandson, who felt like he could just die at this point, but decided scrubbing the grill would be more productive.

“What? Psh, that’s impossible! Everyone knows Pigsy would rather die than close before ten,” Tang teased with a cheeky grin that made the chef roll his eyes.

“Bullying is reserved for family or paying customers, Tang,” Pigsy retorted.

“I’ll pay his tab then, Jiejie. Goodness knows that boy needs some meat on his bones.” His grandmother snorted and Tang turned pink, all while Xiaotian giggled.

“So– um–” Tang cleared his throat to ease off the embarrassment, “What’s this ‘special event’?”

His grandmother scoffed again and joined Tang by the bar, which Xiaotian was quick to follow with his crayons and coloring book in tow. “Good luck getting an answer out of him. He won’t even tell me.”

Pigsy rolled his eyes. “Can’t a man have privacy anymore?”

“Ahhhh, but if you don’t tell me, what will I talk about with the ladies at mahjong?” His grandmother shook her head, which made Xiaotian giggle more.

“Oh, does that mean it's something embarrassing?” Tang fully hopped onto the teasing bandwagon.

“No, it just means it’s personal, is all,” Pigsy huffed, eyeing a customer as they walked in, and made his way to the register.

Tang laughed before his eyes went to his book. “Well, if it helps, I’m going to do something totally stupid and embarrassing tonight too.”

At that, Pigsy’s grandmother’s eyes lit up, and she took Tang’s hands into hers. “Like what? Dancing? One of those American rodeos? What?”

“Ah, well–”

“Sir? I’m ready to order,” said the woman across the cashier, and Pigsy shook his head to focus.

“Right, right– what can I get for you?” he forced a customer-friendly smile.

The woman ordered some beef chow fun, and by the time Pigsy started cooking again, Tang was on the brink of a confession.

“Come on, after all the meals I’ve bought for you? To support that big brain of yours? It’s bad enough little Jiejie is acting like his father right now.” She shot a dramatic glare at the chef, before turning back to Tang. “Must you add to my pile of old-womanly misery?”

“Alright, alright, fine. I’m… Heavens, this really is stupid, Miss Xiahui.” Tang covered his face with his hands before taking a breath. “I’m… going on a blind date with someone I’ve never met, and I don’t know what they look like, or what their name is, or literally anything else. I’m going to get murdered, aren’t I?” Tang blurted out, making the chef’s grandmother laugh.

“I’m very excited for you, dear! You know, I’ve been trying to get Jiejie to sign up for one of those ever since he dumped Wujing, but does he take my advice? No!” She gave an exasperated sigh.

“Not true. I opened up this place because of you,” Pigsy retorted from where he stood by the stove.

“Oh, sure, but when it comes to clothes or photos or vacations or even a park I think Xiaotian would like it’s all ‘oh that’s too far,’ or, ‘I’m dressed fine’ or even, ‘this makes me look ancient’,” she snipped right back.

“I know you never left the forties, Lǎolao, but the rest of the world has.” Pigsy rolled his eyes.

His grandmother sighed again. “You see what I put up with Tang? No respect! And I actually deserve it, unlike some people.”

“R-right! Well– at least no matter what, we know that my night’s plans are definitely more embarrassing than Pigsy’s, so…” Tang fiddled with his sleeves like he always did when he was nervous.

“A night of romance is nothing to be embarrassed about. Why, my late husband used to take me out dancing at this old French-style café– I think it was destroyed by the Red Guard though, which is a real shame, you know, it was the romantic spot in the city.” She sighed dreamily.

“That sounds wonderful, Miss Xiahui. My date and I are just meeting at this one restaurant by the park” Tang smiled and got back to his noodles.

“If I didn’t know you any better, I’d say you’re ruining your appetite,” Pigsy’s grandmother chuckled.

“Can’t let him know I’m a complete mess, right?” Tang laughed pathetically.

Pigsy rolled his eyes and teased, “Don’t be so hard on yourself. I think it’s fascinating you can eat so much and manage to keep that whole ‘starving Victorian orphan’ look.”

Tang snorted. “Thanks.”

Pigsy winked and laughed before going back to check on how the noodles were doing.

“Oh, don’t mind Jiejie, he’s just jealous because he hasn’t had a date in six years.” The elderly woman patted Tang’s knee.

“For your information, I actually do have a date, and it's tonight, so you can cut out that whole teasing routine,” Pigsy quipped without thinking, and he could practically hear his Lǎolao’s jaw drop and eyes sparkle.

“You have a date tonight too?! Oh, this is just wonderful! Who’s the lucky person? Are they rich? Do they know you have your own business? Have you gone out with them before? Were they cute? Why wouldn’t you tell me about them! Jiejie, how could you not tell me you’ve been dating someone–! Are they actually ugly, and you were embarrassed to tell me? Look, it’s okay, Jiejie, sometimes it really is what’s on the inside that–”

“Lǎolǎo, please.” Pigsy turned and pleaded with her, pouring the customer’s noodles into a bowl and adding the vegetables.

“Oh, Jiejie, I’m just so happy for you, is all! My sweet little sunzi out in the world again! Maybe you can even find little Xiaotian a mother or another father! Oh, wouldn’t that just be lovely.” His grandmother hugged the coloring child, who looked around in confusion.

“Lǎolao, you’re going to crush the kid.” Pigsy’s face was dark red as he rang the counter’s bell and called out the order.

“Come on, I need some answers here. You know how boring my life has gotten since retirement,” his grandmother pleaded.

“Not much to say. It’s the first date, and I haven’t met them, either. Also, I thought you said you understood that I’m not Xiaotian’s–... you know,” Pigsy looked away as the customer took their food.

“Oh? A double blind date! Isn’t that lovely.” Lǎolao clapped her hands, completely ignoring his comment about Xiaotian. “Where to?”

“Some place they recommended.” Pigsy shrugged. “I don’t know much about it, but I don’t get out much.”

“Oh, this is so exciting! I almost wish I could tag along with both of you, but I have to take care of this little monkey man.” His grandmother smiled at Xiaotian and began to tickle him, filling the restaurant with loud squeals of delight.

Pigsy rolled his eyes with a chuckle, going to wash some dishes in the sink when he noticed Tang looking at him, tilting his head curiously. “What’s up?”

“Oh–! Nothing! I just– a date, huh? That’s huge, congrats.” The scholar smiled softly.

“Ah, it’s no big deal, really. I just… I don’t know. Heck, I don’t even know why I agreed to do this whole ‘blind date’ thing. It’s so strange not even knowing the person’s name,” Pigsy confessed.

“Hear you there. But in a way, I think that makes it easier to get to know them, you know? No images, fake names, it’s… comforting, in a way. Especially with the whole ‘background check’ feature so you know it’s less likely for anyone to be a serial killer, haha,” Tang rambled.

“Yeah, I guess that’s part of the reason I signed up too. I mean– that, and because I seriously never go out. Not that I necessarily want to go out more, but you know what I mean.” Pigsy snorted.

Tang laughed. “I do.”

Pigsy smiled before shaking his head and getting to those dishes.

“So… what’s your mystery person like?” Tang asked after a minute of dishwashing.

“Oh– well, you know… they seem real smart and stuff,” Pigsy hesitated to admit, glad to stay facing the sink, so Tang couldn’t see how red his face was becoming. “They’re kinda poetic too, but not in a traditional sense. I don’t even know if they know just how smart they are, it seems kinda natural to them. I dunno.”

“Oh, interesting.” He heard Tang laugh nervously. “I hope you have fun.”

After his face stopped feeling so hot, Pigsy finally asked, “What about you? What’s your mystery man like?”

“He’s really super sweet and considerate, you know? Not very technological, but– heavens, he always knows what to say. He’s also super funny and snarky, and he makes me feel all smart and important, which is crazy because like– it’s just me.” Tang blushed and looked down at his bowl. “He has no idea I’m practically broke. I’m kind of scared to bring it up, you know? Like– ‘hey, let’s go to dinner! Oh, and by the way I can’t afford anything so it’s all on you!’” Tang sighed. “I should probably just cancel…”

“What?! You can’t do that,” Pigsy immediately protested, getting his grandmother’s attention once more.

“What are you two talking about now?” She looked back and forth between the two of them.

“I was– ummm… considering canceling my… date?” Tang gave a sheepish smile, and Pigsy’s grandmother smacked him upside the head.

“Shǎchā! You are not doing that!” She scolded the scholar.

“Wha–?! Why not? I’m flat broke. I can’t even buy a garden salad,” Tang huffed, resting his elbows on the bar.

“So?” Pigsy snorted. “The payment is being lucky enough to enjoy your company, nothing more and nothing less. If he doesn’t accept, run out of the restaurant. Take his wallet if you can. Make him pay.”

Tang laughed. “That’s easy for you to say, anyone would be lucky to date a five-star chef.”

Pigsy rolled his eyes. “I am not a five-star chef–”

His grandmother interrupted him with a scoff. “My recipes are much better than anything that can be found in those froufrou places with the marble floors and glass ceilings– especially with your additions, Jiejie.”

“Gotta agree with your grandmother, Pigsy. Your recipes are one of a kind and anyone would be lucky to go out with a chef as amazing and talented as you.” Tang smiled with so much earnestness it made Pigsy’s cheeks flush again.

“Well, I think anyone’d be lucky to go out with anyone half as smart as you,” Pigsy countered, making Tang hide in his scarf a bit.

His grandmother had something of a smug look on her face when Pigsy glanced at her, but she quickly cleared her throat and started talking to Xiaotian about his drawing. The chef sighed, shaking his head and vowing to one day fully understand that woman.

“So… what time are you closing?” Tang ventured to ask.

“Around 6:30 to try and get some of that dinner rush money before kickin’ everyone out,” Pigsy glanced at the clock yet again.

“Smart. I’ll have to leave around 6 anyway to get ready and all too.” Tang fidgeted with his scarf.

“You going to want another bowl before then?” Pigsy couldn’t help but smirk a little.

“Har-har,” Tang rolled his eyes. “... but yeah, maybe.”

Pigsy laughed. “Don’t stress yourself, it’s a big day for us both.”

“Right, yeah.” The scholar smiled before going back to his current bowl.

Again, Pigsy’s grandmother looked amused at this, but when Pigsy looked, she acted like nothing was wrong and started complimenting Xiaotian’s drawing again.

Pigsy sighed, focusing back on his work as customers began to pour in once more. The chef managed to hold a steady pace that kept him fairly busy, though not busy enough to forget to make Tang another bowl of lo mein he teased him about. Tang ate, Xiaotian colored (even showed a handful to Pigsy when he could), his grandmother gossiped about some of the mahjong ladies, and overall it was a pretty solid work day. He wished Tang the best of luck on his way out, and wished some of that for himself when he closed the restaurant.

“So, you really are going on a date, aren’t you?” His grandmother teased as Pigsy locked the iron security shield.

Pigsy rolled his eyes. “I appreciate your trust in my honesty.”

“I’m just making sure before I get my hopes up. Heaven knows this only happens once in a blue moon,” she teased, making Xiaotian giggle.

“What’re you laughing at, mister?” Pigsy put his hands on his hips dramatically, making the kid laugh more.

“He’s laughing at the fact that you haven’t been on a date since before he was born, isn’t that right, my little dumpling?” Lǎolao pinched his cheeks, which made him whine and go behind Pigsy.

“Lǎolao–”

“I know, I know. It’s not my fault he’s as cute as a button, you know,” She defended herself before Pigsy rolled his eyes again and picked the kid up.

“Miss Xiahui is a lot like my mother, you know? No respect for boundaries. I’m so sorry you have to spend all night with her,” Pigsy apologized dramatically.

“S’okay! She lets me have cookies.” Xiaotian grinned wide, making the chef immediately give his grandmother a look.

“I’ve already told you it’s not my fault he’s so cute.” His grandmother raised her hands in defeat, making the chef roll his eyes yet again.

“If he gets cavities, you’re paying the dentist bill,” Pigsy huffed and started walking home.

“He’s not going to get cavities, Jiejie. Xiaotian knows how to brush his teeth very well, don’t you, dear?” Lǎolao patted the boy’s head as he nodded.

“Right,” Pigsy said. “Let’s just get home.”

“Yes, yes! We have to get you good and ready for your date! Oh, I’m so excited.” Lǎolao had dropped the teasing for genuine elation. “You know, I think if I looked I could find one of your grandfather’s old suits. Oh, you’d look just so handsome in it.”

“Oh, wow, Lǎolao, that’s really not–”

“Necessary? Of course it is! Tonight is a momentous occasion and I want my grandson to look his absolute best.” She ignored his protest and practically marched the rest of the way to their apartment.

Pigsy gave a nice, long sigh. “You’re gonna have a long night, kid.”

“No bedtime?” Xiaotian’s face lit up.

“Who knows.” Pigsy snorted and picked up the pace to follow his grandmother (who, for someone in their 80s, was rather spritely).

When they got home, his grandmother quickly pulled out old boxes and had him try on three suits before finally finding a Western Style from the 40s. His grandmother also gave him gold square cufflinks, as well as a blue and pink floral tie. He managed to at the very least convince her to let him wear his own socks and shoes, and after she spritzed him down with peach perfume, the look was finished.

“Lǎolao, you don’t have to do this, my suit is plenty good,” Pigsy pointed out as his grandmother straightened out his suit coat, looking like she was going to cry.

“No, no. You look absolutely perfect.” She smiled, finally stepping back to admire her work. “Your date will absolutely love you.”

“Lǎolao.” Pigsy’s face turned tomato red.

His grandmother chuckled. “I suppose we could use a third opinion.” She tapped her chin, before calling Xiaotian in from the living room, and in a moment, the five-year-old pattered over. “Xiaotian, do you think Pigsy looks nice?”

Xiaotian gave two thumbs up and a toothy grin. “Fancy!”

“See? You look perfect.” His grandmother smiled and patted Xiaotian’s head.

“I never said I looked bad, I’m just saying it’s– it’s a lot, and I really don’t know if I need Waigong’s suit–”

“Nonsense, Bajie. He’d want you to have it.” His grandmother cupped Pigsy’s cheek.

“It’s… a blind date from an anonymous chat site, Lǎolao. I really don’t think–”

“You never know, Jiejie. You could be meeting the love of your life,” She hummed.

“Right… sure,” Pigsy agreed to drop his protests for the sake of not dampening his grandmother’s spirits.

The elder pig demon smiled again, patting Pigsy’s cheek twice. “Now, let me find my camera; I want to capture how handsome you look.” She winked and left the room.

“Lǎolao, I really don’t have time for– never mind.” Pigsy shook his head when he realized she was just going to insist. He sighed, giving himself another once over in the mirror and adjusting his tie.

“You really think this isn’t too much, kid?” Pigsy asked Xiaotian.

The boy shook his head. “You look like a detective!”

Pigsy laughed, realizing Xiaotian was 100% correct. “All I’m missing is the hat, darn.” He snapped his fingers playfully.

“And a gun,” the boy giggled.

“Ahhhhh, that might be a bit much kiddo,” Pigsy chuckled, ruffling the kid’s hair. “You gonna be okay with just Lǎolao tonight?”

Xiaotian nodded. “We’re gonna watch Monkey Empire.”

“Again? Didn’t we just finish that?” Pigsy raised a playful eyebrow.

“Yeah, but I wannaaaaaa,” Xiaotian explained eloquently.

“Fair enough. Just don’t let Lǎolao spoil you too much, alright? And make sure you brush your teeth extra good, and put all your toys away for her. I’ll check on you as soon as I get back,” Pigsy said, fixing the kid’s hair since he just messed it up.

“Okie dokie, Piggy.” The boy grinned again.

“Found it!” Pigsy’s grandmother finally called from the other room, and she was back in a flash.

“Oh, you just look so handsome, I could eat you right up, you know that? Your date is a very, very lucky man,” the woman chuckled as she took a photo, not even waiting for him to pose or smile.

“‘Man’? I don’t know their gender,” Pigsy pointed out, but she just waved her hand and snapped another photo.

“Xiaotian, go join Bajie, I want to get my two favorite, most handsome boys together,” she instructed and Xiaotian ran to Pigsy. The chef scooped him up and they both smiled for the camera.

After a few photos were taken, Pigsy glanced at the clock and said, “Alright, are we done? I’m gonna be late soon.”

“Yes, yes, you can go,” His grandmother sighed dramatically– though snapped another photo anyway.

Pigsy rolled his eyes, setting Xiaotian back down before kneeling to his level.

“You promise to be good for Lǎolao?” He asked the five-year-old, who nodded seriously. “Good. I’ll see you later tonight, kiddo.” The chef smiled and stood before Xiaotian grabbed his pant leg.

“I’ll miss you,” Xiaotian whispered, and Pigsy… wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that.

“I’ll… be back soon, kid. Don’t stress yourself,” he finally said, patting the kid on the head again.

“Besides,” Lǎolao said, getting the kid to look at her, “you have a very fun night planned with your Lǎolao, and we’re going to have lots of fun, aren’t we, Xiaotian?”

“Yeah! We’ll watch Monkey King!” The kid grinned once more, making the elder pig demon chuckle.

“We most certainly will. And we’ll eat lots of cookies and candy and break lots of Bajie’s silly rules,” his grandmother enabled the kid’s natural desire for rebellion.

“You’re killing me, you know that?” Pigsy half-joked, arms crossed.

“It’s what keeps me young,” Lǎolao teased right back.

“Right.” Pigsy rolled his eyes. “Well, I gotta get going so–”

“WAIT!” Xiaotian suddenly shouted, running out of the room, while Pigsy and his grandmother just looked at each other in confusion. They didn’t have to wait long, though, as Xiaotian was back in the matter of seconds with a drawing in his hand.

“For luck!” He explained, handing it over.

Pigsy accepted the offering, laughing when he saw it was a very crude drawing of Xiaotian, Pigsy’s grandmother, Tang, and himself all eating noodles at the restaurant with even cruder hearts everywhere.

“I love it, kid. I’ll put it right here for safe keeping,” Pigsy complimented, folding the drawing so it fit right by his pocket square, which made Xiaotian so happy that, before Pigsy could prepare himself, the kid hugged him.

“Have fun!” Xiaotian grinned nice and big before stepping back and waving.

“I will.” Pigsy waved a little and headed to the door.

“Yes, have lots of fun! I expect to hear about tonight in great detail tomorrow!” His grandmother waved as well, to which Pigsy laughed and shook his head before exiting the apartment door and heading out into the night.

.o0o.

Pigsy arrived at the restaurant at exactly 7:57, three minutes early and before his date. The place was classy, but clearly small and not quite known in the public sphere yet. There was no need for a wait or reservation, so Pigsy was taken to an outside table for two by the fountain.

He could see why this mystery person would pick a place like this. It was nice, but hidden away, and not too expensive. His person was sensible and romantic, and this choice was a reflection of that.

Pigsy opened up the website on his phone, telling his date he’d arrived and got a table, before he settled himself down to wait and think (his favorite activity!).

Pigsy was totally going to fuck this night up.

He hadn’t been on a date in years, and even then, the ones he’d had with Wujing were full of personal mistakes he wasn’t keen on repeating. He knew for a fact he was going to sound incredibly stupid, especially in comparison to his eloquent partner, but that was hardly the least of his worries. Maybe he’d get too angry at something, and it would totally freak them out, or he’d bring up Xiaotian, and they’d hate that he had a kid (even though he wasn’t his kid technically, he was just his guardian, but that would also probably scare them away, creating a perfect lose-lose situation). And heavens, that wasn’t even mentioning the fact that there was a good chance Pigsy forgot to even tell them he was a demon– he was so unbelievably stupid like that.

At exactly eight o'clock, the waiter stopped by and dropped off two glasses of water before disappearing. Pigsy tried his best not to chug it immediately, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t get thirsty when he was nervous. To try and force himself not to, he kept tracing the rim of his glass again and again and again, while keeping an eye on the door.

A part of the chef wondered if his date stood him up. There were a handful of people already here; maybe his date had arrived, saw Pigsy, realized their date was a hideous pig demon, and simply slipped away. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time…

No, no. Pigsy had to wait and be rational. He needed to remember the little drawing in his suit pocket reminding him it was all going to be fine, even if it wasn’t fine, and he’d be okay. So instead of completely losing his mind and worrying to death, Pigsy placed a hand against the pocket that held the drawing and took nice, long breaths before taking a casual and normal drink of water.

However, just then, the restaurant’s door flung open, and Pigsy’s heart practically leapt into his throat as he saw–

Tang…???

No… no, yeah, that was Tang all right, panting with his back against a wall before he looked around the space. When he saw Pigsy, the scholar seemed to share the exact same confusion, head tilting, but he eventually approached the lone pig demon.

“Hey, Pigsy… What’re you doing here?” Tang asked, still catching his breath.

“Same as you, I guess,” Pigsy looked at the fountain, face turning red.

“Right, yeah! Man, that’s one hell of a coincidence, isn’t it?” Tang laughed.

Pigsy laughed as well. “Guess there aren’t many romantic spots left in the city.”

“Guess not.” Tang fidgeted with his scarf, looking around the restaurant.

“Your date not here yet?” Pigsy guessed.

Tang shrugged. “They said they were, but I don’t see them anywhere.”

“Maybe they just lied and said they were here when they’re really just on their way, I used to do that all the time.” Pigsy snorted.

“Yeah, maybe,” Tang laughed. “You– uh– don’t mind if I sit here for right now, do you?”

“Be my guest. You could use the water anyway,” Pigsy teased, and Tang graciously accepted the seat and water.

“I just– I don’t know, me and them agreed to meet here at eight, and I planned to be here at eight o’clock sharp, so I just– I don’t know. Maybe they stood me up– god, that would be so embarrassing,” Tang whispered that last bit to himself.

“Hey. Relax. You’re only five minutes late, and they aren’t even here yet. Besides, they’d have to be a complete moron to stand you up, of all people,” Pigsy pointed out.

Tang rolled his eyes with a little smile. “Yeah, yeah, thanks. Where’s your date?”

“Late, probably. Or maybe we’ve both been stood up, wouldn’t that be something?” Pigsy mused.

“Misery does love company,” Tang laughed sadly.

“He’ll show, I’m sure of it.” Pigsy tried his best to sound comforting.

“Thanks. I’m sure yours will too.” Tang did his best too.

Pigsy nodded, pulling out his phone again and checking to see if they’d messaged him yet, but he was greeted with the exact same screen as minutes before.

He sighed.

“So, you said your date picked this place?” Tang asked out of the blue.

“Uh– yeah. I’ve never been.” Pigsy shrugged.

“I’ve only been here once or twice, but their mango pudding is to die for; though, it’s not as good as yours or your grandmother’s,” Tang stated like it was obvious.

“Funny, my date recommended the mango pudding too. Must be really popular,” Pigsy recalled.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if it was, it’s amazing.” Tang fidgeted with his scarf again before pulling out his phone. “Though, I gotta ask– why would you agree to a restaurant? You always hate eating out?”

“It was a very persuasive review.” Pigsy snorted. “Besides, I didn’t wanna sound like a hard ass or anything, and it's not like I had any better ideas.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” the scholar assured, typing something.

Pigsy sighed, looking around the restaurant at other couples drinking wine and being all couple-y, when his phone suddenly buzzed in his pocket.

ShiningAnthropod_Admirer: “Sorry I’m late! Where are you? Just got here.”

Pigsy looked around, and not seeing anyone by the door, he frowned, quickly replying:

FineCuisine81: “Check the outside section.”

“You messaging your date too?” Tang laughed.

“Yeah, they said they’re here, so…” Pigsy trailed off.

“Oh! So’s mine, so I should probably– like– go, haha,” Tang said, already standing.

Pigsy just smiled somewhat sadly as the scholar shuffled away, not giving the pig demon a glance.

Whatever, he was sure it wasn’t personal (or– he hoped, anyway) and so pulled out his phone to find another message.

ShiningAnthropod_Admirer: “Where are you sitting?”

Pigsy looked around only briefly before sending:

FineCuisine81: “By the fountain in the middle section.”

Pigsy tapped his fingers anxiously against the table, staring at his screen intently as three dots bounced around.

ShiningAnthropod_Admirer: “There's a lot of people here. I guess I should also ask what you’re wearing too, haha”

“More like lots of humans,” Pigsy muttered to himself.

No– Pigsy couldn’t be bitter, he was supposed to have fun. It didn’t matter if his date was looking around and clearly expecting a human, it was–

Pigsy placed his hand on his breast pocket and took deep breaths, reminding himself he was fine and loved, and he’d be okay.

FineCuisine81: “Old blue western suit and a floral tie.”

He waited with bated breath, barely even daring to glance around to see if his date was actually looking for him or not. He did catch another glance at Tang, which the scholar returned with a funny shrug that Pigsy returned, before they both just went back to their phones.

ShiningAnthropod_Admirer: “I still don’t see you. You aren’t lying about being there, are you?”

Pigsy knitted his eyebrows, almost offended if he didn’t understand how bad first date jitters could be.

FineCuisine81: “I promise I’m not.”

Pigsy wasn’t even sure he was breathing anymore with how nervous he was watching the screen. At one point, the waiter stopped by to try and ask him if he was ready to order, but he pushed them away immediately.

A minute passed, then two.

Then–

ShiningAnthropod_Admirer: “Are you sure you’re at the right restaurant? The Huayuan Restaurant? The one on Lianren Road?” FineCuisine81: “I promise.”

Pigsy bit his cheek. He knew it wouldn’t be enough– maybe he needed to do something.

FineCuisine81: “What are you wearing? Maybe I can find you.”

Pigsy barely had to wait a second for a reply.

ShiningAnthropod_Admirer: “Red and gold tang suit with embroidery along the sleeves and sides. Also glasses lol.”

Pigsy paused, because that–... No… No, it– it couldn’t be, Pigsy would know if it was Tang. There– there would be signs. He’d know. Pigsy wasn’t that stupid.

He saw Tang circling around the fountain again, and this time when he locked eyes with Pigsy the scholar sighed and sat across from him once more.

Tang suit. Gold embroidery. Glasses.

“I’m pretty sure my date is just lying about being here at this point. I mean– I’ve circled the entire place like– ten times, but I just– I’m a little glad your table is still empty too.” Tang laughed like he was going to cry.

Holy fucking shit…

“I-I– Tang, I’m–” Pigsy was utterly dumbfounded because the man sitting in front of him was his mystery man– the fiercely intelligent and kind soul he had spent months chatting with, being too scared of what he’d think if he saw his appearance. Iit was him. It was Tang.

“A-are you okay? You look a little shaken,” Tang laughed again, this time picking up a napkin to wipe his eyes.

Pigsy didn’t think, just grabbed Tang’s hands and stroked them with his thumbs.

“Wha–? Pigsy? Are you alright?” The scholar was clearly startled, but didn’t break the grasp.

“Tang, I-I– It’s– I’m–” Pigsy growled in frustration, words alluding him.

“Yes…?” Tang asked softly, his eyes sparkling like diamonds against the night sky and glasses.

Pigsy took another breath, feeling warmth radiating from Xiaotian’s drawing as he did, and said, “1940’s western suit. Floral tie.”

Tang pulled back a little, opening his mouth to speak, before he looked Pigsy up and down. It only took seconds before his eyes widened with recognition.

“No… no, no– you–? Me? No, you– you wouldn’t, I–” Tang shook his head. “I appreciate you trying to save my night, but–”

“Tang. My username was ‘FineCuisine81’ because I’m a chef and was born in 1981. I didn’t bring up the restaurant or Xiaotian or my grandmother or– much of my past really because you know I’m pretty hesitant about most of it,” Pigsy pleaded for him to understand.

“I-I– you– you wouldn’t–”

“C’mon, Tang. You know me– you know my snark by now, don’t you?” Pigsy tried to joke, but Tang snagged his hands away to cover his face.

“Pigsy, I-I– did you look me up? Is this some kind of– sick joke? Getting payback for all those stupid bowls of noodles?” The scholar was crying by now.

“Tang! I would never– I didn’t know it was you, but now that I do, I– I couldn’t be happier, I swear.” Pigsy smiled despite his overwhelming worry.

Tang shook his head. “No– I’m– I’m not good enough for you– I’m such a mess a-and I’m broke a-and scrawny a-and anxious a-and–”

“Tang, you’re plenty good enough– you’re so much better than me, anyways,” Pigsy laughed and sniffled. “You’re so smart and kind and likable and–”

“B-but you’re really nice too! A-and you have a real job that pays well and a loving grandmother a-and you’re a guardian– and me? I’m just some loser with a nose in a book,” Tang interrupted.

“We– There’s a reason we wanted to meet our ‘mystery person’, Tang. We both saw… something in them– something that made us want more” Pigsy smiled as he wiped away one of the scholar’s tears. “I… I really don’t want to throw that away because I’m scared.”

Tang finally opened his eyes enough to get another good look at Pigsy. It was terrifying to be inspected by him, but Pigsy managed to hold strong and met his gaze with a soft, tearful smile that eventually got Tang to laugh and shake his head.

“We are so stupid, aren’t we?” He asked, and Pigsy removed his hands.

“Oh, absolutely,” Pigsy couldn’t help but agree. “But hey– I’m sure Lǎolao’ll love to hear it took us a whole fifteen minutes to realize we were here for each other.”

“Oh, heavens, she’s never going to let that go, is she?” Tang copied the pig, the redness in his face starting to leave.

“I’m pretty sure she’ll hold it above us until the day she dies,” Pigsy chuckled. “On the bright side, though, at least we’re both idiots.”

“Fair enough.” Tang smiled and looked at the fountain. “I just– I really picked out a restaurant– I am so sorry, this food is going to be trash compared to yours.”

“Bah, I’m sure that’s not true if you like it.” Pigsy winked.

Tang’s face went red again. “Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure; I like instant ramen.”

“Only because it’s so cheap.” The chef snorted.

“You don’t know the depths of my depravity,” Tang refuted.

“Well, I’d certainly like to. That’s why we’re still here, isn’t it?” Pigsy wiped his own face.

“Y-yeah! It– it is.” Tang smiled shyly. “I just– wow, I’m so embarrassed. I mean, the suit, the tie–”

“Hey, how’s about we just forget about fifteen minutes ago, and start over, okay? No guilt, no anxiety, nothing. Just us having a nice evening out,” Pigsy proposed.

Tang thought about it for a moment before nodding. “I’d like that a lot, Pigsy.”

“Then, it’s settled. We drove here together and the waiter sat us together, and we’re now deciding which wine to order together. That good?” Pigsy asked.

Tang nodded. “Sounds perfect, Pigsy.”

“I couldn’t agree with you more.”

[jogos-delulu-wife]

Hii, could I request something with Jogo with a male reader? and if you accept, you can choose yourself, you can write sfw or nsfw, whatever you want! take your time.

🥺 I’ve never written for a male reader… BUT ILL TRY >:D

Edit: I tried it feels more gender neutral because it turns out, I really didn’t know where to go without a prompt 🥹

Sat in your bed he plagued your mind, Jogo, that old cursed man. His grumpy persona and bored expression. You shouldn’t be caught up on him. But then you remember his content smile when he’d sit in the light of the warm sun, how he looked so satisfied inhaling on his pipe.

The way his hands lingered on your lower back if he tried to guide you out the way or anywhere else. He was your peer under Kenjaku… and that’s all he should be. He shouldn’t plague your mind when you're at home trying to unwind and relax your muscles after an intense battle with some sorcerers. When you sat in the tub nose just above the water you thought of the time you saw him get into the hot springs. His clothes made him look lanky and undefined, behind those layers of clothes he was well built and defined, watching the dip of his hips you dunked yourself under your tub water forcing the air out of your lungs opening your eyes and sitting up brushing the water back out of your face and hair. “I can’t think of him like that.”

Groaning you let yourself fall back against the cold tub, “what the hell am I thinking.” Yet even in your daily life you saw him in your friends, in the smallest things when you were out. Fingers trailing over small things with a small smile thinking “He would like that.”

Heading back to Dagon’s domain you always saw him just there, slightly envious of all the time the others got to spend here, with him. He was nice enough to you to have conversations, you’d conditioned yourself to know how to talk to him, how to tease him without him blowing a fuse.

There you sat next to him, he was sitting at the foot of a beach chair. You sat behind him leaning your side against his back, he hummed acknowledging you before smoking from his pipe.

“Y/n.” You just side eyed him, “Jogo.”

“What do you find appealing about human nature?” It took you a minute to collect your thoughts, there wasn’t anything that you’d really say was appealing, “humans are full of hate, fear, sadness, anger. They bring things into this world sometimes just to destroy them and make a statement. The world is fucked and so is everyone in it. There are times where it looks like there is no hope because there is no hope. Anyone will tear into anyone for their own gain the world is corrupted…” Jogo looked at you over his shoulder. You had sat up resting your elbows on your knees, hands hanging between yours legs when you hunched over staring at the ground, “Yet, in some of us, we strive to find something more. Something to hold on to until the darkest times. A way to find comfort that can out last the darkest moments, a place of peace where there are no sorrows. Something to hold on tight when your hands feel numb and weak. Call it love, others call it a ridiculous lie. The messed up thing is the brain can differ love for a fictional character from love for a real person in front of you. The brain believes the affection of love is love, if anything appeals to me it’s the thought of love. Do you know what that is, Jogo?”

Jogo looked away from you, staring at the ocean, it was the perfect concept of a beach, white sands, beach waves, bright sun and a cool breeze. He was silent, closing his eyes, puffing from his pipe, “Love isn’t something a curse would so easily understand y/n,” he sighed smoke leaving his mouth, “but as someone born of pure emotion, it’s not entirely impossible to learn and feel how true sentiments resonate inside humans…”

🖤🩶🧡🩶🖤🩶🧡🩶🖤🩶🧡🩶🖤🩶🧡🩶🖤

It wasn’t long after that conversation you’d both fallen into silence, the day passed moderately fast. Until Mahito wanted to play a game of Mahjong. There you sat with Geto, Mahito, Hanami and Jogo. You were watching the game intent on learning. But your mind was far away lingering on Jogo’s words, he looked at you when he said them. Could he feel your romantic interests in him? Had he ignored them for a purpose, did he tell you that for you to understand he knew and didn’t act because he didn’t want to? Your head was aching when you got up leaving the lit area finding Dagon beached covered in the warm sand. You dropped your weight next to him, he looked at you before looking back at the ocean. “Yeah me too buddy.” Was all you said dropping your hand on his head patting him while sighing.

Times passed and stars shined brighter, Mahito’s laughs and screams grew quieter as you spaced out.

“Y/n.” Your mind was lost in the dark waters reflecting the stars, “oí y/n.” Jogo’s fingertips touched your scalp, tapping you a few times before you looked at him, “Yeah?”

He nodded his head for you to follow him when he started walking. Leaving Dagon who had flopped over a while ago alone you pushed yourself up tripping in the sand to follow him.

Walking in comfortable silence you started to over think again, “Jogo..” he didn’t look at you “Y/n…” it’s now or never, “Do you really know what it’s like to feel the raw emotion of love?”

He hummed, “How do you distinguish love and admiration? Say I admire you y/n, I can appreciate every little thing you do. I can appreciate your efforts and support you in any way you ask. I could celebrate your victories and your achievements as a sorcerer. But what makes love different.”

You looked down while walking, before you nodded taking his hand and he eyed you, “Love isn’t about just celebrating every little accomplishment, love isn’t about just supporting someone when they ask. Love,” you stopped interlocking your fingers with his, “Is intertwining your life with someone else. Supporting them not only in the good but in the bad. It’s not about celebrating only the good things that happen but providing comfort and being a pillar for someone to lean on when things can only get worse. Being even the dimmest candle in a dark night if it means you can provide enough light and warmth to give a shred of comfort when hope is lost. Love isn’t just for the pure, peaceful and calm. Love lets you take someone’s hand even when you're unsure of what they really feel. It’ll drive you mad to the point you’d do something ridiculous and out of character to know if someone could even share the same feelings as you.”

Jogo uncurled his fingers from yours, uncurling your hand and pressing your palms together. He spread both your and his fingers out, his head tilting to the side, he was straight faced, “That's what you feel right now y/n?”

Your breathing was quiet and your chest was tight, you swallowed feeling a squeeze in your throat.

“I adore you, and I’d do everything to be here for you always. In a way I guess I am saying I might love you…”

🥹I’m so sorry if it’s not what you wanted i tried but I’m kinda aimless and it turns out getting an organ popped out isn’t the best feeling in the world 💀🩶

[iri-vail]

Some thoughts about Pirate Yakuza under the cut!

1. I'm so happy these games continue to focus their stories on characters in their 40s, 50s and even 60s. Even though Majima doing backflips all over the place stretches the imagination a little (a lot), it makes for great stories. This probably says more about the kinds of media I consume than about media in general, but I don't see these types of stories very often. I'll have to watch the final scene with Saejima and Majima again because I don't remember the exact wording anymore, but I loved their talk about what it means to find purpose in life at their age. How they stressed that it was both about being a role model and mentor for the younger generation and finding a new dream to strive towards for themselves - and /also/ about getting a little silly with it! Post LAD7 especially, the stories also focus so much on new beginnings. Seeing these characters afloat, struggling to start over, at 50/60 years old feels freeing.

2. I didn't really click with the new characters. The series has this thing where it introduces a new cast pretty much every game, meaning it then has to get you to care about all of these complete strangers. Over and over again. Sure, there's always returning characters, but they are usually supporting roles or cameos. The plot it mostly about new characters - 2 was about ryuji and kaoru, 3 about mine and rikiya, etc etc. Pirate Yakuza kind of fumbled this part for me. I didn't think the cast was completely uninteresting or flat, but they failed to really /connect/. It might be the length of the story at fault here, but I honestly think it's more an issue with pacing? Because Gaiden managed just fine to get me to care about Shishido or Tsuruno or Nishitani III. I think that's because they were 1) much more closely connected to the series' throughline plot 2) they all had very strong introductions and first fights and 3) they all played off each other very well, they really felt like keys to understanding each other and the world around them. I didn't really get that with Jason and Masaru, or Raymond Law and Queen Michelle. I wouldn't even say they were poorly written or awful, I just found them kind of bland. Rodriguez and Shigaki were the exception to this, and to an extent Noah.

3. The game had such a slow start. I was honestly bored out of my mind during chapter 2. I'm not usually one to skip cutscenes, but I skipped a bunch of the Devil Flags stuff (sorry RRG) because my god I did not care...

4. Thankfully, the game does pick up sometime in chapter 3! That's around the time I decided to meet the story where it was at and just fucked around for a while and engaged with the ship stuff. Wasn't the most fun I've had with Yakuza side content (hello y0 completion), but it was still fun! I'll always be a slut for mahjong.

5. I really liked Majima in this! I had a hardcore Majima phase while playing y0 (first entry I played), but that kind of tapered off more and more until by y8, I really didn't care about him all that much. He's still nowhere near my favorite character in the series, but this game really made me appreciate him again. I got the feeling halfway through that he was starting to remember things and was trying to avoid regaining his memories so he could mess around as a pirate for a little longer, and that felt very true to him. Good for him, too. His interactions with Saejima were gold, though I fucking hated the peepee poopoo humor after their fight.

Honestly, it took a while to really click for me, what they were doing with him. But the more I played, it really felt like he was trying to do what the post-credit cutscene later confirmed: chasing a new dream for himself. Or even just finding joy in life again, after we saw him so beaten down in y8. Cool stuff.

6. Speaking of... that ending scene killed me dead. KIRYU MENTION!!!! I didn't expect a Kiryu mention at all, given how stingy RGG tends to be with cameos. If only I could have seen my boy Daigo too, but oh well. I REALLY like the vision for the group's future they're setting up here. It seemed to me like there was some scheming afoot, what with Saejima alluding that Daigo was donning his suit again and had a lot to discuss with Kiryu, who also knows what it's like to be a leader? But I also liked that it was very much just three men visiting their sick friend in the hospital. The implication that Kiryu, who hates being seen as weak, is fine receiving visitors? The fact that they talk so fondly about how Kiryu surely has some ideas of his own for his future? The reveal that Majima WENT TO HAWAII IN THE FIRST PLACE because he wanted to help Kiryu so badly? I'm like... man. I'm usually not a fan of narratives getting recontextualized at the last minute, but damn if they didn't pull this of beautifully. Just knowing why Majima was there really smooths over some of the issues I had with the story in the first two chapters.

7. I'm really.... 'hm?' about what the fuck RGG is doing with its female characters. On the one hand, Naomi fucking ruled, and got to fight in a cutscene as well as in gameplay. On the other hand, no Queen Michelle boss fight. On the one hand, introducing that one substory woman as a badass fighter just for her to immediately go "and that's why I want to become the perfect Japanese woman!" was a punch in the fucking gut, I was so mad. On the other hand, I really liked the ending of that substory. I don't know, I feel like this entry was simultaneously more and less sexist than previous games. Y8 was like this as well. There's some (by RGG standards) actually progressive things going on, and then bam, it hits you with the fucking island full of women dressed in BDSM clothes and like 2 women in actual pirate outfits.

8. Mad Dog was fun to play. The dodges felt so satisfying. But I felt like the window for triggering heat actions was incredibly small, did anyone else have problems with that? Sea Dog was fun as well, especially in large crowds, but Mad Dog stole the show for me.

9. I can't believe there was a Kiryu mention... Literally, I love that man with all my heart. I hope they continue his story in y9 and don't make me wait until y10. Maybe we're entering a new era where RGG isn't so prone to shelving their mainstay characters? The Jimas already had a comparatively big role in y8. I'm not sure how much I would like them moving from cameos to actual supporting characters, but I would much prefer it over what y6 did. Also, bring back Haruka. Please RGG I'm begging. I've been begging for so long...

10. Another thing, I've noticed that both y8 and Pirate Yakuza went for some themes that really did not land with the audience? (At least not with the reddit audience). In y8 it was the Eiji thing. Where a lot of people say Ichiban forgiving Eiji is stupid and a sign of poor characterization ('it's unbeliavable how kind he is'). And I think that happens because the scene is much less about Ichiban personally forgiving Eiji than it is about Ichiban doing... almost activist work? Ichiban only managed to turn around his life in y7 because people were kind and he received community support. He's now offering that same support back, because he's kind, yes. But also because he's seen that it works, that it's an effective outreach method, and that everyone deserves support to turn their life around. This makes him the perfect character to deal with the tojo/omi dissolution, and yet people seem to hate it.

In Pirate Yakuza, I was really put off by people's reactions to Noah. I mean I agree, at first glance it seems really irresponsible to bring this kid along on the 'let's murder each other with cannons at the secret pirate bias where people get eaten by sharks as bloodsport' adventure. But again, what the game is trying to say isn't really 'you should endanger your children it's good for them'. It's saying that showing a child the world, even its bad sides, is important. And that it's important for said child to have someone like Majima, who treats them as an equal and keeps them safe during their exploration. Like, Noah being a little shit in situations where he doesn't really understand the dangers he's in and Majima stepping in to protect him is not bad writing, it's the whole point!! Noah should see the world and play around in it and be safe to be a kid in it while also being protected and loved and treated like an equal!! That's a parent's job, that's the point!! Similarly, obviously y8 is not saying 'you should personally help guys who almost explode a child in front of your eyes to turn their lives around', it's saying that even terrible people deserve help and support because it works!! Yakuza turned onto the streets without any money or direction aren't gonna turn around and be model citizens on their own. Someone needs to offer them a new perspective. And Ichiban wants to be that person.

I don't even know anymore, at this point maybe I'm the one who's completely wrong about these games? I do agree that they fumble the like beat-to-beat plot a lot, but I think these interpretations are not lost through that. This is Mirei and Yasuko all over again, I swear to god... Like, RGG writes its characters with so much care and subtlety, and it's so radically kind to characters who have fucked up so deeply, and so often people look at those themes and go 'that sucks, bad writing'. Ugh.

Thoughts over!

[elizabethplaid]

st stephen's boxing notes - dec 26, 2024

Rhombus has been visiting my room these last couple days, particularly when Moscow is also in the room. I think Wampus is sick of being alone downstairs, so she's brave enough to venture into enemy territory.

Moscow is also wound up. She had been hanging out with me on my bed while I was on the computer. Then she started her "wake up the human" routine: pawing at things, knocking things off the table. I was fully awake and talking to her, so this was all a ploy to get me to leave the computer for a moment. Which, fair; I'd been in my room for 4ish hours by that point.

Played more Viewfinder and Sims 4 last night, with more Sims today. Shrank down my legacy house a bit, trying to downsize now that the house isn't at capacity. The multi-section stairs weren't working well, whether with platforms or just bending corners.

Idk man, I just really miss spiral staircases from 2 and 3. You could STACK them! I always have trouble figuring out where to put stairs. Stacking them means less brain work for me.

Oh and my Viewfinder progress: I'm in chapter/section 4, Mirren's area. I know I missed some magnets and mahjong tiles in the previous areas. Mirren's section has a lot more levels and collectibles.

That section is really striking, and I think it's meant to foreshadow something. I didn't look up the story before jumping in, and it took some time before any background was revealed. The immersion was key for the impact of the story, and I can only imagine it's even better with a VR headset.

So I won't reveal spoilers in this post. What little I've learned so far was a delight to discover. The secrets are worth keeping, so others may enjoy the same surprise. I'll hold back my theories until I finish my first play-through. ============

Moscow jumped up on my bed, purring up a storm, just now. Was that her who was pawing at things just now, after my return? Wampus HAS been up here lately, but I was too quick to blame her. The sun is nearly set; the cats look alike in the dark.

ALSO ALSO, I would like to mention that I had meatloaf leftovers for breakfast this morning, with smashed taters. We now have a new backlog of xmas ham leftovers, so I needed to tackle the meatloaf first. And considering I only manage about 2 meals a day, maybe with a snack if I'm lucky, I felt it was best to skip my usual cereal.

With all the leftovers and snacks to nibble on, I told dad we shouldn't do another big meal for new year's. I plan to dig in to some baby carrots and pita chips, utilizing our family's vegetable dip recipe.

[callgespenst]

It wasn't a hugely eventful convention or anything but I should probably still write up my Matsuricon 2024 report.

Thursday: Had a friend stay over at my place for the weekend. Pregamed the con by watching a few more episodes of Legend of the Galactic Heroes.

Friday: Cosplayed Soujyurou from Mahoyo, made the jacket and safety pinned my Robin plush to my shoulder. Showed up, grabbed my badge, ran our Lupin III panel for the first time in...four and a half years? Went out into the hallway to chat with people who attended the panel. Then suddenly it was four hours later and we went home.

Saturday: Went home early on Friday to be awake and in a panel room at 8 AM on Saturday to talk about robots for two hours. Midway through the 90s we realized that, despite getting the longest possible timeslot, we were still almost out of time, and had to blast through the last three decades. Haven't done that panel in a while either (haven't done too many panels in general since the pandemic).

Got lunch and looked around the dealer's hall for a bit. I got a rubber charm of Bocchi (of Rock) from a gachapon machine. Not a whole lot else I was interested in, but that's objectively a good thing. Then it was off to the YGO tournament!

I'd revamped my deck (again) because I had made a few key realizations. First, I don't know my opponents' decks well enough to effectively use hand traps to shut down a combo. Second, many modern decks are relatively unprepared to handle a board-clearing spell. Monster effects are simple to negate and counter with a full board. But spells, maybe not. And third, and this one is the most critical part: having a balanced deck of 50/50 monsters/spells and traps no longer matters. I was taking out a bunch of monsters that would never, ever actually be played to the field, their only point in my deck was to be discarded as a counter; to switch in three copies of Raigeki, three Dark Holes, and two Lightning Storms.

It wasn't a huge tourney, there were eleven other players, for what would end up being three rounds of single elimination. My first game, I played a guy who had some kinda deck full of Dinosaurs and counter trap cards. It was an interesting playstyle I hadn't seen before, but I won that 2-0. Second game, Kashtira. Won the first duel, lost the second, won the third. Third and final game, which I sure didn't expect to get to the finals, was vs Ancient Gears, another deck that prefers to go second. Lost the first game, won the second, and I might have been able to win the third if I hadn't let myself get psyched out. But I'm still pretty pleased with my performance, considering I've lost just about every other match I've played with my new deck 0-2.

The second place prize was a bunch of tournament packs, and first place was as well, plus a free badge for next year. The first place winner let me have his pack pulls, which was nice, I'm still building back up a selection of trades to have available. I didn't really need a free badge for next year anyway since I'm planning on paneling again, and my opponent getting a free badge means we can rematch next year! So honestly, I'm kinda glad I got second.

Also while everyone waited for the tourney to start, everyone was ribbing on one guy for his very expensive deck he was keeping in the world's most basic $3 deckbox, so that was entertaining. Reminded me of the fellas I used to play YGO with at the local library, where there was always some friendly banter back and forth.

After that I hung out with a few more friends, played some Melty Blood, and went home.

Sunday: The traditional day at a con where I play mahjong with the homies until we pack up and go home. I got in one whole game before we took all the tables back to our organizer's car (that took half an hour to find). That wrapped up the event and then I got home and conked out early Sunday evening and most of Monday too. I didn't even do a whole lot of running around or anything, I was just tired.

Also my last few conventions have been so overwhelmingly positive on the whole that I forgot that these events are also frequented by people who are weird in not-fun ways. That last mahjong game, had a fella start spouting off about he hates being referred to as cis, despite being a cis hetero male. I hit him with the "I hate the cis because they are led by the treacherous Count Dooku" and that worked surprisingly well at changing the subject, but it was still, terribly awkward there for a second, especially when another of our club's regulars at the same table is one of the most Gender individuals I know.

Anyway that's probably my last anime con for the year, but there's a new event coming to the area in April I think I'll hit up, excited to see what that's like.

[edenfalling]

Fifteen Questions for Fifteen Friends

Tagged by @thatgirlnevershutsup

are you named after anyone? Nope! My parents specifically went out of their way to avoid giving either child a family name (though in Nick's case that was only managed via creative spelling). They did wind up making some classical mythology references, but I think that was accidental rather than a deliberate theme. I am also not named after a celebrity despite what A LOT OF PEOPLE assumed when I was a child. (*)

when was the last time you cried? I dunno. I don't tend to cry dramatically, but a handful of tears at an emotional moment isn't surprising.

do you have kids? Nope.

what sports do you play/have played? I played soccer in high school (badly). I also took years of swimming and gymnastics lessons, though I never competed in either activity. I was bad at gymnastics, but I probably could have done pretty well on a swim team. (I talked my swim coaches into letting me be an assistant teacher for pre-schoolers instead of swimming competitively, which I think was much better for my mental health.)

do you use sarcasm? When it feels appropriate.

what is the first thing you notice about people? ...Probably their height, if we meet in person? Or vocal pitch/timbre. Typing style if we meet online.

what's your eye colour? Brown :)

scary movies or happy endings? This is a false dichotomy and I refuse to engage with it.

any talents? I used to be a good singer and a good enough oboist that I took private lessons for a couple years, but I am woefully out of practice. I think I write pretty well too, but I haven't been doing that much for a few years either.

where were you born? New Jersey. You wanna make something of it?

what are your hobbies? Reading, writing, miscellaneous art stuff (lately cross-stitch and paint-by-numbers projects). I keep a bunch of houseplants, and occasionally dabble in outdoor container gardening. Currently I'm into the NY Times crossword and their Spelling Bee game, as well as virtual mahjong solitaire, but which particular puzzles/games I am into varies with time.

do you have any pets? Tragically, no, but someday I will have a dog! ...Or perhaps a cat, if I can get some allergy shots and buy one from a less allergenic breed. Or maybe some fish, or a snake, or... look, I enjoy animals. I just don't currently have enough free time to adequately meet the physical and emotional needs of a dog, and other pets would require more prep work.

Houseplants require much less investment.

how tall are you? 5'3"

favourite subject in school? Y'know, I actually liked all of my classes? At least when the teachers weren't complete wastes of space, and even in those cases I generally still enjoyed the subject. I like learning things. The world is absolutely fascinating -- who doesn't want to know more about it?

I think if you'd asked me around age 16-22, I would have said chemistry, but it's harder to keep up with chemistry when you're not actively in the field so my most enduring interest is probably history. (If you'd asked me at age 6-15 I am pretty certain I would have said math. I still do love math, but again, harder to keep up with when you're not actively in the field.)

dream job? I'm pretty happy with my current job(s), but if they paid twice as much I sure wouldn't say no!

I tag: @wordsforrain, @longroadstonowhere, @ickaimp,@violsva, @asukaskerian, @curlicuecal, @branch-and-root, and anyone else who wants to participate. (*)This will be less confusing if you remember that Elizabeth is my middle name, not my legal first name.

[ayearwithoutwater]

Thirty-six.

I’m sitting on the ferry to Macau. As I boarded just minutes ago, I overheard a European woman in line ahead of me talking to her travel companions, and I think she mentioned that she’s from Italy. I had an in to engage but I chose to keep quiet, instead reminiscing about my own recent trip to Italy. This ferry gives me flashbacks to the ferry that operates between Napoli and Capri.

By the time I reached Hong Kong's water terminal near Central, the only tickets available for the 9:30 morning boat were the "Super" tickets priced at 395 HKD. They're a steep increase from the "Basic" tickets, but the next availability for those was noon and I didn’t want to wait two hours—my time here is already limited enough. So, I resigned myself to fate and tried to not think about it too much. I'm on vacation.

I arrived in Hong Kong yesterday afternoon. HKG is as clean and efficient an airport as is CDG, perhaps slightly superior to it, and the express train into the city is extremely convenient. I wish New York would be as well-constructed. My hotel turned out to be centrally located, and I dropped off my stuff first before deciding to poke around the neighborhood. Central is quite the bustling district: alleyways and raised walkways abound, and there are shops tucked into quite literally every nook and cranny. I was hungry, so I opened up the Google list that Stephen had shared with me when I prepared for this trip. I walked by a fish ball shop, remembering that Harris had instructed me to eat some curry fish balls (most likely skewered); I told myself I'd stop by and check it out later, but I ultimately never did.

The list of destinations I had saved in my maps informed me that a handcrafted mahjong shop was nearby, and I remembered that I'd wanted to look into possibly purchasing a set from them. It's one of my favorite games—it's equally social, competitive, and strategic with an element of luck—and, although I'd brought back home a set last year, I hoped to acquire one gorgeously handmade. I decided to go to the shop before eating, since it would soon close for the day.

I almost tripped as I made my way down the old, hilly cobblestone streets, turning my head in every direction so that I could take in as much of the sights as possible. From passing chatter, I was hearing British and Australian English in addition to Korean, Japanese, Mandarin, and—of course—Cantonese. There's a pretty Indonesian restaurant set into the wall beneath one of the elevated walkways, so I paused to look at its menu before moving on, realizing somewhat regretfully that I wouldn't have allocated enough stomach space to eat there before leaving Hong Kong. Nearby, I discovered all sorts of restaurants—Australian burger shops, Korean joints, pasta takeaways—and I appreciated the multiculturalism on display. If I lived here, at least my palate wouldn't go wanting.

Google informed me that I’d arrived at the mahjong shop, but I couldn't see it anywhere. I checked again—it’s on floor 1, and then I recalled that Hong Kong follows the British convention of ground levels starting at 0, not 1. I entered an unsuspecting office building and took the elevator up, finding the shop tucked away in the corner. It’s a tiny room, with multicolored mahjong sets stacked to the ceiling. I tried to browse slowly, with the shopkeepers (an older couple) doing their best to assist me, but decided not to buy anything because I had limited luggage space and no real need for a second set. Moreover, in all honesty, the handcrafted sets were a little too perfect and almost indistinguishable from generic sets, diminishing my interest in them. On my way out, I took the stairs back down to the ground level.

I decided to eat in the area because Stephen’s list had lots of places marked close by, picking Tsim Chai Kee Noodle because it’s the closest. I queued for a brief ten minutes before being seated at a table with strangers, and I ordered their yellow noodles with three proteins: wontons, sliced beef, and a massive handmade fish ball. It’s as edifying as the Michelin guide claims it to be. A Cantonese couple sat across from me while I eavesdropped on a local next to me guiding his two American tourists, teaching them how to properly adjust the flavors of their food with the provided vinegar and chili sauces. I grew up splashing copious amounts of black vinegar into my Changsha noodle soups and I like spicy food, so I ate my order with alternating gusto.

After my late lunch, I was feeling refreshed. It's still early in the evening and I had the rest of the night to myself, so I decided to go take the tram to the Peak, which was merely a quick ten minute walk from my hotel. Walking there, I watch locals pick up flowers—it’s Valentine’s Day. At the station, I blended into a gaggle of Thai tourists to secure myself a seat. As I rode up, I was stricken with wisps of a memory of taking that very same tram twelve years ago with past friends no longer in my life, smiling wryly to myself that I'm still the same person that I was back then. Atop, I spent maybe an hour at the lookout; it’s a foggy evening and I couldn't see much of the city beyond its strongest LED lights.

I hopped on the tram back down and it's nighttime proper, so I opened up Stephen's list once again to locate the gay bars. Unsurprisingly, many are concentrated in Central, which I know is a popular nightlife district, and so I opted to walk back and around there. I peered into LinQ as I passed by but it's totally empty, so instead I ventured towards T:ME (pronounced "time") Bar. T:ME also wasn't busy and I initially thought to skip it, but I made eye contact with one of the dogs sitting outside the bar as I walked away and I was charmed. So, I spun back around to go inside.

Taking a seat at the bar, I ordered one of the house specials—an iteration of a pineapple margarita—and looked around. Inside, it's just me and a handful of regulars talking amongst themselves, so I tried to befriend the dogs that kept walking in and out, learning from the bartenders that there are three in total and all belong to the bar's owner. As I waited for my drink, the lead bartender handed me a cucumber slice to entice the dogs, and I successfully induced the largest one to come over. His name is Tyson, the bartender explained, and he’s so mild-mannered that he’ll let anyone pet him, whereas Mina (the smaller dog) will bite because she’s shy. Over the course of three drinks, one per dog employed, I played with Tyson because he’s the only one keeping me company. Hong Kongers aren’t as likely to strike up a conversation with strangers, I noticed, but they’re not standoffish either. I decided not to put in the effort to talk because I was tired from having just flown into the city, instead enjoying taking in the atmosphere and observing. The bartender had informed me that it usually gets busy around ten, so I whiled away the hours with Tyson. As T:ME finally began to fill with patrons, I decided to head out.

I meandered past LinQ a second time, but it's still empty and so I again didn't go in, heading instead to Pontiac a couple blocks away. As I ordered a cocktail, I jokingly asked the bartender if I'd accidentally stumbled into a lesbian bar (all the patrons next to me were women), in response to which she quipped that Pontiac is inclusive of everybody. Bras hung from the ceiling in droves and all the employees sported bright pink cowboy hats, laughing amongst themselves about the sheer amount of Chappell Roan's music they already customarily play and that no, this wasn't necessarily a "Pink Pony Club"—instead, I heard plenty of Shania Twain. The male bartender happily played the guide to my tourist as I peppered him with queries, explaining to me that the Hong Kong drag scene isn't very big and that only two bars (including LinQ) are really known for having drag, but that he wouldn't recommend the other to me because they pretended to be a straight bar during the initial few coronavirus pandemic years. I hopped into the only empty seat at the bar next to an older White expat couple who seemed to be about to leave, one of them immediately beginning to sneeze (possibly because I had Tyson's fur on me). Feeling exhausted, I stayed for just one drink; four drinks in one night was already far past my normal limit.

I decided to have a look at LinQ one last time, but the promised drag queen performances had either not materialized or yet taken place, and the entire venue isn't very populated. One drag queen stood outside having a cigarette with someone I presumed to be an employee, but I gave up and headed back to my hotel to pass out. Walking around all the elevated walkways at night hit me with another blast of deja vu, remembering the night twelve years ago when my then-friends ordered rounds of flaming Lamborghinis for us, drinking through the actual fires with straws, and I wondered with a tinge of sadness whether I had spent that night in that very same neighborhood. Instinctively, I felt that the answer was yes.

In the morning, I got up just after five and I was quite happy about that because I didn't feel jet lagged, which meant that I had planned out my pre-trip sleep schedule quite well (I stayed up late every night until my flight). For my very first breakfast in Hong Kong, I figured it was the right time to stop by a proper tea house for yum cha, and Stephen's list led me to Luk Yu Tea House right around the corner. The menu's written exclusively in traditional Chinese, of which I'm basically a quarter-literate because I'm really only half-literate in simplified Chinese already, but I made some educated guesses, reasoning that anything made in Hong Kong would be unquestionably delicious, anyways. My logic proved fruitful, and I stuffed myself full in anticipation of a full day of gallivanting around Macau.

As I write this, the ferry operator alerts me that I've arrived. I step out onto the pier and make a beeline for the hotel shuttles, which Stephen had advised me to take from the ferry terminal because they're free, fast, and would take me straight to one of the many hotels from which I could start walking. I jump onto the bus scheduled to leave first and wind up at the Sands Macau.

For the sake of brevity, I have to condense my whirlwind of a day into the following sentences. I walk towards one of the central bakeries noted on Stephen's list for a proper pastel de nata, near which I meet my tour guide who spends the next ten hours walking around the city with me. From historic museums to Portuguese churches to native temples, he accompanies me, regaling me with stories about his childhood and about the culture of the city he loves so much. He introduces me to local gays and food alike, and I finally get back to my hotel in Hong Kong around midnight properly spent—obrigado, Macau.

I wake up the next morning with plans to meet up with my college roommate and his wife for yum cha. She picked the restaurant because she wanted me to experience one of the city's remaining old school venues, whose chefs still expertly cook certain dishes to order in the restaurant's center. As I walk towards Admiralty, I’m considering the degree to which the city has or hasn’t ceded land from pedestrians to cars. Certainly, with all the elevated walkways, it feels like the city has found a way to be walkable while still giving ground to vehicular traffic, preserving the benefits of extreme density. I wonder whether this would be a viable development model for American cities, too.

I pass groups and groups of Filipino women, and I’m reminded it’s Sunday. They congregate on benches, sidewalks, on floor mats or tarps or even their own tents, clustered into small handfuls each around what looks like homemade Filipino food (I hear passing mentions of karekare and I see pancit in their carrying bags) and card games, many of them on their phones video-chatting away in predominantly Tagalog to whom I assume to be their family members across the sea. Does Hong Kong—or, indeed, all of Asia’s megacities—require a permanent underclass to uphold it? Is this merely a fact of life to be accepted, that some lives are spent in service to others? I suppose it's not a fair question to ask; America equally has its own version of such indentured servitude. Once more, I’m thinking about the circumstances of birth, how an involuntary option determines a life's trajectory far before exiting the womb—it's a persistent, nagging thought that returns to me a week later in Taipei as I observe the middle-aged street vendors squatting on the street to rinse clean their cookwares. Next to the women, who sit out in the warm sunlight, I enter one of Hong Kong’s air-conditioned mega-malls.

My yum cha is, of course, spectacular, and I spend the day with my friends. They map out an adventure for me across Victoria Harbour and back, eating and shopping and looking at the Cézanne and Renoir exhibit at the Hong Kong Museum of Art; I'd wanted to see the latter for its inclusion of masterpieces from the Musée de l'Orangerie and the Musée d'Orsay, both of which I'd loved during my recent trips to Paris. With them, I try to plot out the mechanics of actually moving to Asia—it feels like a waste to not do so, at least with my heritage, and the development happening in the region makes it feel particularly exciting. I tell them that I've been feeling for the past few years that there's a grand escapade out there in the world for me, that America feels particularly stagnant and stifling. They tell me to take whatever opportunities I can.

The next day, I catch a flight to Singapore. As I head to the airport, I stop for a final meal in Hong Kong, picking the bakeshop because it shares its name with my friend's mother. I realize that I haven't been using my headphones in Asia as I normally would in America because I'm actually interested in hearing the local soundscape.

In Singapore, Tin has lovingly planned out a week's worth of activities for me. Around this itinerary, I meet up with Kevin, who became a good friend of mine after I first met him during my era of Hinge dates. A Thai national whose upbringing around the world informs his answer, I pose to him the same question I had in Hong Kong about megacities and their permanent underclass; his observation is that it's a necessary evil for the particular evils of our current economic systems, which can and should be changed. He teaches me about local politics as we work our way through the Gardens by the Bay. With him, I debate my theory of American stagnation, that incurious people are born when they have no motivating factor inspiring them to go see the world. Unlike here in Asia, where a plethora of world-class cities are available at one's fingertips, Americans don't have such cities to ably and nimbly visit—what we do have is dereliction.

For one of my off days, after we eat our weight in strawberry cuisine, Tin knowingly suggests that I look through the National Gallery of Singapore. He's heard my many (irrational) gripes with the city and points me to the art, which moves me as he expected it would. As I lose myself in the Gallery, I have a million thoughts.

The elephant in the room (in the city-state?) is my ex-boyfriend, Henry, a native Singaporean. Everything in the city triggers me because everything reminds me of him, from the food to the city's neurotic tidiness to the accented English that I hear all around me. I don't react like I used to because there's much more distance now between him and me, between me and the pain, yet still I can't distance myself enough from that incredibly dark period of my life. The sadness from that time surfaces as I gaze into Membasoh Kain di Tepi Sungai (Washing Cloths by the River), an oil painting by Patrick Ng Kah Onn. Through this painting, through history, through time, I catch a glimpse of the trauma that Henry must have had, something that likely influenced our end. For him, for us, I'm terribly sad.

About this painting, the Gallery solicited for its fifth anniversary the following commentary by Ng Yi-Sheng, a writer and researcher specializing in Southeast Asian history, fantasy, and mythology:

I'm a Chinese guy who's super interested in Malay culture. These days it's a little weird, but back in the 60s, people of all races were celebrating our independence from the Brits by promoting Malayan identity. Patrick Ng Kah Onn was kinda hardcore about it: he wore Malay clothes, studied Malay dance—and as you can see in this painting, he even signed his name in Jawi.

Some scholars say the guy on the right is Patrick's self-portrait. He's dressed in a sarong, his body stretched out like a wayang kulit puppet, holding a Malay boy, among Malay women. But he can't quite blend into the Malay landscape—his pale skin marks him as an outsider.

Membasoh Kain di Tepi Sungai was probably completed before the racial riots of 13 May 1969. They changed Malaysian society forever, creating a deep divide between the Malays and Chinese. Patrick must've been heartbroken. His dream of a unified Malayan culture was crushed forever.

Henry grew up as an ethnic Malay in Singapore. Although I'd often pester him for stories about his upbringing, he spoke of it only sparingly, mentioning in passing the axis around which the discrimination he experienced as a gay, Muslim Malay man was constructed. He'd told me of the Chinese supremacy that still permeates throughout the gay dating scene in Singapore; I imagine that the hurt I, Chinese by descent, caused him must have been made manifold with this background context, and that it became impossible for him to believe me when I told him I'd loved him.

In Membasoh Kain di Tepi Sungai, I see—in addition to the labor of the women in the humid landscape—a life I never lived. In Patrick's self-insert and his male Malay counterpart, I see myself and Henry. I am forced to confront, am confronted by, my history and my mistakes and the future I had envisioned and my helplessness at changing the fact of circumstance that what I had wanted will never come to pass. How lucky I am to have unwittingly stumbled upon an artist whose portfolio of work demonstrates, as I later learn, a clear subversion of and challenge to the immutability of gender and sexuality as are understood by and within the West. Here, in the National Gallery of Singapore, I think of the mythos of nation-building as I had discussed with Kevin, I think of the lives we don't choose because we don't choose how we're born, and I think of the impossibility of love.

Days later, I leave Singapore for Taipei. Two of my friends from college have separately entreated me to visit them, and I give in—it's altogether too rare for me to be in the region, and so I can't say no.

I'm realizing, over and over again, that my friends have all been getting married. I ask them about their relationships; they all echo the same sentiment, that it's a deliberate choice with someone who's willing to communicate. I think back to my string of breakups in the past few years and I wonder if it's all my fault. My exes have their issues, but nobody is perfect. How do I know if something is too much or nothing at all? How do I know if I can make this work? Isn't it ultimately up to me? Therefore, isn't it just a measure of what I will (and won't) accept? How do I know when to stick it out, when things aren't so great? Throwing in the towel is just giving up, but how do I know when that's the right thing to do?

At Jiantan station, while looking for my friends, I watch four elderly women hugging each other goodbye, laughing and repeating "有你真好! 喜欢你!" to each other, behaving exactly as I do with my chosen family. I think about this moment for the rest of my trip, as I gorge myself on stinky tofu and as I play with my loved ones inside the innumerous photo booth studios, into and out of the latter I dart incessantly because I need the candied fruit skewers cart salesman parked just outside to exchange NTD bills so that we can pay the photo machines. It's nice to see in real life that some things are universal, that they don't disappear with age. I've written before that I should accept the love that presents itself, the love that exists; I guess I should heed my own advice.

[peridot-tears]

Just a quick aside: Cultural appropriation is absolutely an issue, not because we oppose cultural diffusion, which naturally occurs, but because of the power imbalance. I'm Chinese American, and my people have been shamed out of wearing our cultural clothes, eating our own food, and face the bamboo ceiling where we cannot access certain industries or jobs or get promoted without working three times as hard. You might be used to seeing Asian faces in Hollywood now, but this is such a big deal because 10 years ago, we would have been allowed maybe one side character who acted as a femme fatale or nerd or whatever stereotype people apply to us. That's a lot of actors being kept from getting paid, and a lot of young children being discouraged by a lack of visibility, just because of their faces and names. Appropriation means you took our own autonomy to be. And then you took it for literal financial compensation for yourself. I'm not coming for the above poster, because they didn't explicitly say "cultural appropriation is fake," merely made the case for cultural diffusion being natural and not an inherently shameful thing. The above poster is solid and correct in everything they have said, and I'm glad someone finally out and said it, considering how much I hear from people from China or different parts of Europe about how my country "has no culture." I am proof of that culture's existence. However, the "cultural diffusion is natural" argument is often used to dismiss the very real struggles we minorities face in the United States, and we get gaslit enough. Practicing our culture can literally be dangerous. My friends and I have been talking about wearing our traditional clothing because we like it so much, but one of the biggest worries we and our families have are 1) that we'll get harassed like FUCK. Racial harassment already happens to us regularly, why add to the fire? And 2) anti-Asian hate crimes spiked during the 2020 because, surprise surprise, anyone with a vaguely "Asian-looking" face was attacked because we're obviously all carrying the virus (sarcasm). Why would we make it easier for people to target us? Meanwhile, a white person wears a qipao (sometimes to a Japanese event, I've seen this shit so much I just expect it at this point lol) and no one bats an eye.

The issue isn't that you wear the clothes or eat our food, the issue is when you decide you're suddenly an expert who's qualified to explain it to someone who's lived it, suffered for it, and now guards it. If I wear a sari on the street, I'm gonna be humble about it. If I'm wearing cornrows and Black Americans say something, I'm gonna gently explain why (for sports purposes, this is literally a purely pragmatic norm in the sport I do lol), and not immediately get defensive and up-in-arms about it, which is how people usually respond when people ask them, "Hey, that was kinda racist, can you not do or say that?" Don't let me even get started on the people who decide to profit off of it, like opening a shitty "pan-Asian" restaurant where you're charging 20 bucks for like six dumplings served in a Chinese takeout box or the people who tried to "reinvent" mahjong. It's not cute, it's disrespectful and the result of a much bigger issue.

We can't get integrated into the "white" identity like the Irish, Italians, Germans, or Scandinavians did because our appearances and names won't allow it, but they'll actively harm us for it until our own culture doesn't feel safe, and then take our autonomy to do something as simple as practice our own culture for profit.

So while we're here, this just bears repeating and emphasizing.

'White Americans don't have any culture, they're just [normal/boring/generic/empty]. 'Culture' is when you're quaint and exotic and have interesting ethnic foods and holidays." is such a grating bit of nonsense to have somehow become progressive commonsense in a lot of places.

[khajiit-journal]

Turdas, Morning Star 02, 2025

(Thursday, January 02, 2025) Holidays: Scour Day

First up, I'm gonna discuss my dream, as will be the standard going from now on. My dreams quickly faded from me so there's not much to say.

I had someone send me an ask about Clavicus Vile, but I didn't quite get around to answering it before I woke up. I suppose this could be a call to talk to Them some more. It's also possibly a "Hey, you're gonna get an ask" thing, because it could have been my prophetic bullshit.

In another dream, I had to rush into an art class in this repeating high school setting, and I made some new friends. I could be being asked by my dreams to make some new friends at this time.

I had another adventure dream, but it's already completely vanished from memory.

And in yet another dream, I broke my protection amulet. I don't know how, but I remember hearing it snap and looking down at the broken amulet. This is most likely a manifestation of my anxiety about doing just that than a bad omen, considering everything. (It's later in the day, and I did break my amulet. I had an extra stick picked out just for this but it's still... yeah. I assume it broke when I was carrying down my laundry. I talk more about it below.)

I took a nap today, and I had another dream. I was on a journey in a familiar dream-town, my dreams use recurring location, and it was snowing again.

In the same town, in another dream, it was Summer. I had to travel along the road on hands and knees, before making it to the zoo. The polar bears weren't okay, nor were these Shaymin looking creatures. I fixed the polar bear enclosure with great difficulty. I should check to see if Shaymin wants anything from me because I wasn't thinking of Shaymin or anything lately and dreamt of Them needing some assistance. Not that Shaymin will need assistance, I'm just a mortal, but more that this is Their way of getting my attention.

— ☆ —

Happy Scour Day! Today is a day of cleaning so I tidied up my desk and my altars. I also did my laundry today which I was really putting off lol. I hate doing laundry.

Tomorrow, my ordered items should arrive, which makes me happy. That should be the Rumi Oracle (thanks to my QPP who sent me money for that for Yule), Sibilla Oracle (a standard card set like Lenormand/Kipper, because I need to collect all of these I can for the special interest), Seasons of the Witch: Imbolc Oracle, and a Mahjong set (which is also for divination).

The Skyrim tarot did arrive today! I got bonked immediately with a "You know you're being haunted, right?" Which yes I am well aware. I appreciate the notice, though, and the reassurance that yes, this is a haunting.

My decks all talked to each other about the haunting to catch Keizaalhahnufiik up to speed at my request, because I didn't want to explain the haunting again. I'm looking forward to properly using this deck as well, and getting to know Keizaal and how They speak and communicate. I know they enjoy xeir new name, which is Dovahzul for Skyrim Dream Mirror directly, because I felt like it was a fitting name.

I really wish I could handle this haunting peacefully. When it comes to spirits I like to remember that sometimes, they're acting for a reason, and are not completely and utterly malefic. But every attempt to talk to this spirit has failed, so I must assume the worst and do my worst for my own safety at this point, especially considering part of the haunting is enduring accidents which could easily scale up and become worse than the minor inconveniences they are now.

Anyways, I think I'm done bitching about the haunting all the time. I'm working on it. I'll have it resolved soon enough.

I got my devotional challenge for yesterday and today done, because I forgot to do it yesterday, so I made up for it today. I worry my poems are a bit... not great, but I don't think the gods care. All they care about is that I did it at all.

I did this weeks witchquest, which was logging everything you have tool and ingredient wise. It didn't take me too long, i just went through my herb/spice cabinet, and I already had a list of my tools so I didn't need to do that part again. I thought it was a daily quest but upon further inspection and reading more clearly, it's a weekly quest thing. Should make it easier to do.

I've never done witchquest before, because I wasn't on Tumblr before (well technically my main is super old but I didn't even log in for years). So I'm excited to participate.

I'm mostly thinking about how I did break my amulet today. It's a bit sad, but not so sad that I think it's my gut trying to tell me something about it. It was most likely just an accident - I held my laundry basket up to it and it snapped, most likely is what happened. So I'm not devastated and/or in danger, I don't think.

I generally work on that these things break for a reason. In this case, because they can no longer do the job they're meant to do. Though, like I said, this was most likely an accident, so no job was really fully done.

I made this amulet to protect me from the haunting spirit. I made a new one as soon as I realized it broke. It should serve me well again. I'll be more careful this time.

I do notice to myself that when I cut my sticks, I thought to myself "I need a third". And then not even a week later, I need the third I cut. So I think this was gonna happen regardless. And I was prepared. So tomorrow, I'll go cut more stems, just to be ready in case it happens again. But I plan on being more careful this time.

I will return the broken stick to the rose bush tomorrow morning, as to thank and return to the earth. Maybe a bird can make use of it or something like that.

I got a lot of other stuff done. I worked a bit on Clavicus Vile's quick start which I hope to finish tomorrow. It just didn't want to come to me today. Tomorrow I also plan on doing a proper cleansing ritual. I also, today, got more "my deck overview posts" written down. They're in the queue for now on my readings blog. My spelltome blog actually has like 30+ posts in the queue, which will slowly but surely post over time. I keep adding new posts to it because I follow a lot of good witchcraft blogs, so that blog will be set for a while.

I'm turning devout-of-the-elder-scrolls into having more images and more of a slight "digital altar" feel, reblogging things that remind me of a specific guide. I got some borzoi art in there for Clavicus and Barbas.

This has been a long post, but I had a lot of thoughts today. To anybody who read the whole thing, thank you, and have a good day tomorrow.

[crystal-in-nagasaki]

crystal NOT in nagasaki, singapore: part five

Hello again! We've finally reached the final part of my time in Singapore. After this post, I'll talk next about the few days I spent in Thailand before returning to my home in Japan. Please look forward to it!

On my ninth day in Singapore, I was able to explore a bit of Singapore's Chinatown and Little India. As I mentioned previously, there are many different ethnic groups living in Singapore, including Chinese, Malay, Indian, and Muslim people. We saw some of Singapore's Middle Eastern and Muslim culture on Arab Street, and now we were able to explore more of the Chinese and Indian culture in Singapore.

In Chinatown we explored some souvenir shops, where I searched a bit desperately for novelty/authentic mahjong sets, but unfortunately wasn't able to find any. We also were able to see the Buddha Tooth Relic Temple, a temple for Chinese Buddhism. It was very grand and ornately decorated. I particularly loved looking at the beautiful tapestry behind the Buddha woven with gold thread. The temple was very similar to many temples I've seen in Japan, and it was interesting to look for the differences between Japanese and Chinese Buddhism.

After this, we spent some time walking around Little India. There were some very beautiful cultural murals painted on the buildings.

We also went shopping at a huge mall in Little India called Mustafa Centre. It had TONS of really cheap foods and souvenirs. I felt like I walked forever and there were still more and more aisles of various foods laid before me. It was heaven.

In the evening, we returned to my friend's home to rest and eat another homemade dinner with her family. Our trip in Singapore was coming to an end and it was incredibly fun but tiring, so it was nice to take a quiet rest for the night.

On my final day in Singapore, one friend and I broke off from the group to go to Bird Paradise, an entire zoo park near Singapore Zoo and Night Safari dedicated to the various bird species of the world. Each section was separated by continent or region, so we got to have a world tour of many kinds of exotic birds!

We started in Antarctica, where there was an indoor penguin tank.

Next we walked through the Australian section. I don't know much about the types of birds we saw, but here's some pictures I took.

I was also able to see a real kookaburra! They're much bigger than I thought, and very round.

Since the tropical temperature in Singapore is very hot and humid, there were small air-conditioned buildings separating each of the sections. These buildings usually had small educational exhibits and diagrams about the birds that you could look at while you rested in the cool air. In one of the buildings there were beanbags all across the floor and giant screens showing bird mating dance documentary footage. It was so funny and cool.

In another building, you could rest on benches shaped like birds' beaks, which we had a lot of fun with.

And these giant eggs:

Anyway, I don't remember what region they're from, but enjoy these other pictures of birds I saw.

At the far back of the park we reached the African section, which had flamingos and beautiful macaws. They were so colorful and much larger than I thought they would be! I tried to take a picture with one of them that was waddling around on the path to show their size, but it's still hard to really understand from the picture just how massive they were.

They also held an educational bird show at a large amphitheater in the park. We got to hear a parrot sing happy birthday and witness a beautiful great hornbill fly across the arena. For the show's finale, they released a bunch of the birds into the center of the amphitheater and it was so chaotic and fun.

After that, we finished up at Bird Paradise and went out in search of lunch. We decided to try Jollibee, a Filipino fast food restaurant specializing in fried chicken. I originally thought that this shop only existed in Singapore, but they actually have shops across Asia, with shops even in Canada, the US, Saudi Arabia, and Italy! My Filipino friend in Japan told me that Jollibee is one of the only fast food chains in the world that outperforms McDonald's in their native country.

Since I have a Filipino friend in Japan and my partner is American Filipino, I had been interested in trying it while I'm in Asia and it was really good! A distinct part of the meal that makes it so loved by Filipino people is that it comes with rice as a side, which is wrapped in paper to the left of the chicken. Thank you Philippines for making such a delicious fast food chain <3

At the end of the day, we met back up with all of our friends, new and old, and enjoyed some drinks at a bar. I was surprised to find that drinks in Singapore are pretty expensive, and public consumption of alcohol is banned after midnight! So the drinking culture in Singapore is fairly reserved. As someone who enjoys a few social drinks and an early bedtime, I was completely happy with this.

I ordered Singapore's signature drink, the Singapore sling, made from gin, cherry liqueur, Cointreau, Benedictine, pineapple juice, lime juice, grenadine syrup, and Angostura bitters. If I remember correctly, it cost something like $17 which was kind of crazy, but it was really tasty. According to Wikipedia, it was created by a Chinese bartender at the Raffles Hotel around 1915. I didn't order my drink there, but the Raffles Hotel still stands today, and is still famous for their Singapore slings, which draws in many tourists each year. Apparently they sell 800-1200 Singapore slings every day, and the drink makes up about 70% of the bar's total revenue!

After a night of fun and delicious drinks, we headed to my friend's home on our last night in Singapore content and a little tipsy. The next morning we headed to the airport bright and early to catch our flights to Thailand, the next part of our adventure!

We've finally made it to the end of my time in Singapore, after five long parts. Thank you for sticking with me through all of my long posts. <3

I'm so so grateful to Chrystal's family for not only allowing me to stay in their home, but showing me around, feeding me delicious food, and overall taking very good care of me. It meant so much to me and made this one of the most memorable and fun trips of my entire life. I'm forever grateful to have been accepted into their family for this short time.

Finally in the next part, I'll talk about the few days I spent in Thailand in the first few days of 2024. Stay tuned!

[dropintomanga]

What If I Was Born in a Different Time Period?

Around November last year, I hit the big 40. It was a big deal and there were good people who acknowledged my birthday. As an anime/manga fan for about 30 years now, it’s been amazing to see how much anime and manga have become mainstays in nerd pop culture. Yet as I continue to grow older, I can’t help but wonder about my place among a genre that continues to mostly captivate the young.

I say this because while I still love a lot of series that target youth, there’s things I can’t keep up with anymore or aged out of. That’s mostly due to fan enthusiasm and desire to talk with other fans. I do research and become passionate about other things, but I don’t really talk about them in great detail online. As Ogiue Maniax once wrote, social media discourse has become the main flavor in getting attention.

Also, recently, among the Discord groups I’m a part of, I sometimes feel like I don’t belong despite physically being there. I see the many folks in their ‘20s-’30s all going out and having fun. I’ve been dealing with constant health problems ever since I hit 40. Even when I do feel better, another setback occurs. It feels like it never ends. My mom did tell me that the older you get, the harder it is to recover from health ailments.

I had the grand thought of thinking “What I was in my ‘20s right now?” I thought this because of all the various platforms and outlets to find people with similar nerd interests to you today compared to when I was in my ‘20s. When I was younger, I didn’t really have many people to talk to about my hobbies. They weren’t as mainstream. I used to have a group of friends in high school who I thought were cool, but it felt like they never respected my hobbies and/or I pushed my interests too hard on them. Maybe it just wasn’t a good fit. I started to ask myself “If I were in my 20s’ right now, maybe I wouldn’t be diagnosed with clinical depression due to nerd culture being mainstream. Maybe I wouldn’t feel very lonely at times. I would have the energy to keep up with fans.”

Anyway, in some ways, I’m a bit jealous at the younger generations right now. But I think back to something my sister once told me about education. She told me that she’s worried about people growing up in U.S. schools today due to how bad it is compared to now. There’s just so much pressure to achieve in order to gain a “better life” and parents are forced to be part of a vicious cycle of hearing that they’re not good enough despite trying their best. The high suicide rates among the youth are also alarming. So maybe I’ll have to dial down my jealousy quite a bit.

I went back to a book I once read from someone living with mental illness and he talked about turning 40 while having bipolar disorder. He felt that everyone outgrew him during their ‘20s while he was trying to figure his life out for the longest time. He said that even though he’s 40, he feels more like someone in his ‘30s and has an easier time getting along with 25-year olds than people his age.

In some cases, this is true with me. I feel like I’m FINALLY starting to figure things out and mental illness took a good amount of time from me. When I was at Anime NYC and also with my local mahjong group, I had a fun time talking to and being around people younger than me. I think that’s due to my super-prolonged adolescence and delayed adulthood.

I can say “What if..” all I want and yet, I’ve felt content with where I’m at for now. I do want to do better things, but I now have some wisdom to say “it’s okay to be average” in a world where everyone is told that they’re “special” while not realizing that it can lead you to compare yourself to others in an unhealthy manner. I don’t think I would ever have that kind of knowledge if I was 15-20 years younger.

Sometimes, I’m still sad because of my age since things have definitely gotten a bit harder. It’s fine. I got reminders of what still makes me valuable. A much younger co-worker of mine once told me that I inspired him to keep up with his hobbies due to me being outspoken about them at work. When I told my mahjong group about how they helped me get through some very personal drama and discussed briefly my potential suicide attempt in 2016, their leader said “I’m so glad you made it through!”

So I’ll try to make the most of what I have right now even with all the feelings I feel. I’m actually glad that I managed to live a life so far where I haven’t been numbed to a huge degree. It’s not the “best” for most people, but I don’t think I could become a thoughtful person who’s cognizant of the things around me. There’s obviously things I could have done better and I’m still working on them. I’ll also be fighting ageist stereotypes as best I can.

I'll always ponder about being born in a different period of time. And I’ll try to make this time period different in a way I know that will work for me.

[simply-zhouye]

Zhou Ye: The Wonderful Ideas of Lotte Girls // Esquire Fine photoshoot & interview ~ a really wonderful interview with Yezi!

Read rough translation of interview below: https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/lY3oBM51ytlua7S8ZRdmlw

The lively character is like jumping candy, and the crisp voice is like summer honeydew. It can be a cute angel or a rebellious girl. Who wouldn't like a beautiful and free girl? We met Zhou Ye at a claw machine shop, and she caught the one she wanted five times!

Zhou Ye didn't laugh when shooting the magazine blockbuster, but she liked to laugh privately.

In the eyes of the people around, she is a simple and lively little girl, born optimistic, loves to joke, and loves to share all the fun and delicious. After catching up with the good-looking drama, she will also be ambitious to everyone, even if she encounters any troubles, she It will be resolved soon. She denied the title of "Girl's Heart"-when she was not working, she liked to lie at home and chase dramas, and science fiction and fantasy were her dishes. She enthusiastically gave an example. There is an American drama called "Stranger Things". It is about a little boy who disappeared in a small town in the United States. Everyone went to find him and found that there was an entrance to another world, exactly the same as this world. , But there is no one in that world. Such a story attracts her even more.

A few days ago, she took a four-day holiday, "very satisfied!" During the holiday, she made appointments with a few good friends for dinner, went to the playground, and watched dramas. If the vacation is longer, she would prefer to go home and stay with her family. Playing with mom and dad, playing with grandpa and grandmother, the family finds a beautiful place to go camping, and if you don’t go out, you can play mahjong with the whole family. She can stay away from looking at her mobile phone for a day.

Asked this girl who is not so girly what she wants, she said, "Now I want to accomplish everything in the moment, and every day will be better than the day before!"

Therefore, Zhou Ye, who hopes to be more progressive, raised his face and chatted with us about serious matters.

Before, people often said to me, "I like your performance of "Youth", but now everyone talks more about "Shanhe Ling". Let’s start the conversation with "The Order of Mountains and Rivers".

Gu Xiang in the play is a girl who is cold on the outside and warm on the inside. She helped Cao Weining, Zhang Chengling, and the singing sisters, but it didn't mean that she trusted them. She just felt that these people were very pitiful. Because Gu Xiang was picked up by her master when she was a child, she felt sorry for them and wanted to protect them.

She is defensive to everyone, and she will not trust anyone easily. In terms of character, Gu Xiang and I are a bit like. Both are more lively. What we don't quite resemble is our life experience and living environment.

When I first finished reading the script of "The Order of Mountains and Rivers", I loved Gu Xiang from the bottom of my heart. Gu Xiang grew up in Guigu where she was killed and beaten everywhere. Although she was lucky enough to meet Wen Kexing, the master who protected her, the rivers and lakes were sinister and Gu Xiang never really relaxed. Therefore, she can only protect herself by fierce methods. She looks acrimonious, slurs and curses, and she has to fight or kill at every turn. She looks very fierce and cruel, but her heart is really innocent and special. Kindness. When encountering people like Cao Weining, Zhang Chengling, and the singing sister Hua, Gu Xiang will rescue them and help them beat the gangsters. 

Many audience friends felt that the ending of Gu Xiang and Cao Weining was too miserable when they watched "The Order of Mountains and Rivers". Gu Xiang originally didn't know what the outside world was like. After she came to the world, she met Big Brother Cao, and the two people who loved each other were about to be happy. Unexpectedly, on the day of the wedding, Gu Xiang lost her lover so much that she would fight herself Life. I am also uncomfortable with this ending. It is not easy for them to get to this day. Why can't they live well? If I were to write an ending, it would definitely be two people living together happily forever.

For me, playing Gu Xiang should be more difficult than playing. This is my first time shooting a costume drama, and also my first time shooting a martial arts drama. "Shanhe Ling" really has a lot of martial arts, because it tells the story of the rivers and lakes, so I joined the group some time before I started, and learned some moves from the martial arts masters. 

In retrospect, the scene of the wedding was the most memorable. I had been shooting for three days in a row. I had been beating, killing, and hanging off Wia, and I would beat off some hair accessories from my hair. I didn't dare to hang on Wia at first, and the costume was so thick that I could easily trip on my feet. But I can’t take care of this when I shoot. This is Gu Xiang’s most emotional scene. I feel the same for Gu Xiang and can’t help crying. Until the end of my cry, I can’t tell whether my face is tears or saliva. , I hope that through this scene, everyone can feel Gu Xiang’s pain.

For me at this stage, whether it is a role that is more similar to myself or a completely different role, I am willing to give it a try. If the character of a character is very pleasing, I will have a sense of substitution when I read the script, I will like it, and I will really want to play it. 

In fact, my interest in acting began after I was in college. When I was a child, I learned piano, and I was not very sensible at that time. I thought it would be fine to play the piano every day after growing up and collect tickets. After being admitted to the Beijing Film Academy, we often watch movies. When the directors see their favorite movies, they will think "I can make such a great movie in the future". I am in the acting department, so I hope I can do it in the future. Acting in a particularly powerful movie may be the influence of the school atmosphere. I still remember that I watched some old movies when I was in school. I really liked "Scent of a Woman" and Marlon Brando. He played "The Godfather" very well.

In the film school, we had a lot of opportunities to meet the director and the crew. We tried again and again, and slowly met scenes that were willing to use our young actors, and started the road to filming. I will definitely read the script several times before filming. In addition to my own role, I have to read the whole story, write a short biography of the character, and talk to everyone at the script reading meeting. For example, when shooting "Ah Cradle", I often consulted sister Haiqing and the director. In the filming of "Youth in Youth", I would also ask the director: The girl I played has such a good family, why does she bully her classmates? The director told me that because her parents had very strict education for her, she was required to be particularly good since she was a child. She was under tremendous pressure and kept suppressing it, so she vented the pressure by bullying her classmates.

When taking the play, I don't worry about people comparing my previous works or achievements, as long as my requirements for myself will not change. My request is to do my best to shape each role. Every time I finish filming a film, I will have a certain evaluation of myself, and I will also look at other people's evaluations of me, as well as the opinions given to me by my predecessors, to integrate these. Every time, I hope I can do better next time. 

Up to now, I have been shooting for a few years, and I feel that I am not a talented actor, and I have to be a model worker. However, the sisters who brought me to the management team said that my biggest change and improvement is that I am more independent than before. When I first started filming, I would hide in the room and cry by myself every time I joined the group, especially wanting to go home.

Now I am more comfortable with the life of the crew than before. When I first joined the group, I still felt a little homesick. I hope to finish the filming soon, and become familiar with everyone. After work, I will play with the actors in the same group. When I was resting, I was playing with werewolf killing or something, so happy, I didn't want to kill it. I didn't want to be successful when I was filming "Shanhe Ling", and the same was true when filming "Ah Cradle". As actors, it seems that we can go to different places every time we film. In fact, there is not much time to spend in the local area, but we can eat a lot of local delicacies.

As I said just now, I want to do everything right now, and the current week is the best week.

 Do you often dream? Please share a dream that is more imaginative.

Zhou Ye:

I sometimes dream. Once, I dreamed that I received an acceptance letter from an owl, took the Hogwarts Express train to the magic school to learn magical magic, visited Hogsmeade Village, and met so many new friends. .

What is your dream day like? How to spend it?

Zhou Ye:

At this stage, my dream day is to sleep in late, and after waking up, I will lie in bed and watch a drama or hang out with my friends or watch a drama.

How to arrange the dream holiday? Stay at home or go out to play?

Zhou Ye:

Of course, it is best to have two days, so you can stay at home one day and go out to play one day!

What about the journey of your dreams? With whom, where to go, and how to play?

Zhou Ye:

With your family, you can go to the beach or play paragliding.

What is your dream job announcement?

Zhou Ye:

Go to Universal Studios to shoot hahahaha, I really want to go!

What kind of "dream skills" do you want to have?

Zhou Ye:

Teleport!

Which era is the dream era? why?

Zhou Ye:

Now, now is the best time. Grasp the moment.