#THE LOVE AND YEARNING HE HAS FOR THARN

[florbexter]

✨OBSESSED✨

[the-wayside]

The fact Phaya has been nothing but upfront about his interest in Tharn. He, Tharn, is the only reason why they have not horizontally tangoed. Not because he doesn't want to (Babe's acting in their bathroom scenes - I yearn with you, bb), but because he doesn't think he should involve Phaya in the mess that is his life.

I really enjoy their dynamic because Phaya will tease and push a bit to test Tharn's emotions and his openness to receiving Phaya's advances and summarily backing off when he isn't. But Tharn doesn't blush. He gives as good as he gets because he does want. He wants to give in despite his general take on all things romance.

The strength of these characters for me is that they are fully formed individuals who come at this from that mutual place of respect (they both endured the same training and hardship to become cops) and attraction. One person isn't leading the other. They're coming together and teasing the possibility of what does it look like if they give in to this unspoken thing they're both fully aware of between them.

It's so adult and mature in comparison to a lot of the relationship dynamics we've seen. It's not "if", it's "when". Not only because we know they're destined/the main couple but because the inevitability of their consummation and eventual love is ever present. Phaya needs someone to keep him safe and Tharn needs someone to make him unsafe. Tharn has, incidentally, taken up his mantle but he has yet to full let Phaya in to truly mess him up. Everything hinges on Tharn saying fuck it and embracing this man in his entirety. The hinge is shoddy. Tharn isn't that strong, not when Phaya is so intent on dragging his walls down.

Guh. I just have a lot of feelings about them.

[mikuni14]

You have no idea how much I love Tharn in this scene, how open he is, how yearning he is, how much he wants Phaya to be safe, to understand him, how much he cares, how happy he is that there are no more misunderstandings between them, and these little, private, barely there smiles when he and Phaya are "together" again.... 🥺 I can imagine that the last days were agony for Tharn, Phaya rejected him, didn't want to listen to him, didn't want to talk to him, didn't want to believe him and it was all such a terrible misunderstanding. And Tharn, despite everything, above all, wants Phaya, the annoying, pushy, georgous Phaya - to BE, there, with him, next to him... And now he has Phaya back, where he belongs 💖

oh, I'm so emotional about Tharn, who is so unselfish, the most important thing for him is that Phaya is safe and he understands him again. Tharn downplays the fact that he saved Phaya because he doesn't need thanks for this, it's a natural thing for him. He is even ready to apologize to Phaya for that misunderstanding, and asks him "are you mad at me?" with his big, round, pleading eyes... He's so selfless, so kind and lovely 🥺

Phaya apologising multiple times for what happened - Tharn getting physically hurt because of him and Tharn getting hurt emotionally because he misunderstood him

Tharn makes sure to clear up the misunderstanding and Phaya reiterates that he has given up to Tharn.

And Phaya also owns up to being an asshole, which he was.

It is Tharn reaching out to hold Phaya's hand after he admitted his mistake and after he apologised. It's his secret smile that their conflict has been resolved.

And Phaya has admitted not once but twice that "HE WILL LISTEN TO EVERYTHING THARN SAYS".

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

The best love scenes tell their own story and TharnType’s lovemaking in the shower is one of them. Lovemaking consists an intergral part of their relationship, just like their cuddles, arguments, bickering and brutal honesty. Physical intimacy is one of the many ways they communicate their love to each other. Furthermore, watching Tharn and Type make love shows the audience how far they have come in those 7 years. 

When Tharn joins him in the shower, Type isn’t the least surprised. He knowingly smiles because he’s expecting it and welcoming it, just as he’s welcoming Tharn’s hands lathering soap over his chocolate skin, soothingly gliding over Type’s back, in a move that is more a caress than anything else. It comes as a second nature to Type to enjoy Tharn’s gentle ministrations; this has clearly happened many times before over the years, but he’ll never get tired of it.

Tharn has always understood Type so well, sometimes even better than Type himself, therefore he knows that his boyfriend is still bothered by something, even after they’ve already made love on the couch once, so he asks Type what’s wrong and Type tells him because he’s used to sharing what’s on his mind with Tharn and confide in him. There are no secrets, lies or denial between them. Not anymore.

Tharn weaves his unique magic, creating a world that consists only of them, and Type lets himself fall under his mesmerizing spell. He gave up resisting Tharn a long time ago, it was useless anyway. Tharn might not solve Type’s problems, but he can make them disappear, banishing them from their little world where they don’t belong and where no one but them two exists, and Type forget them, at least for a little while. He whispers comforting words against his ear while never stopping soothingly stroking his arms and then he pecks his ear. It’s amazing how every moment is an opportunity for them to touch anywhere they can reach so no part of each other’s bodies is a taboo. Furthermore, an ear kiss is a rare sight in dramas and it speaks of a very deep and intense love.

And when Tharn rests his chin on his lover’s shoulder blade, fitting their bodies together in an intimate backhug that leaves no space between them, virtually glueing them together, Type smiles his shy secret giddy smile that always appear on his face whenever Tharn cuddles him from behind and nuzzles his back. In Tharn’s warm embrace, Type feels happy and at peace, his worries forgotten, because Tharn, his personal recharger, always manages to calm and cheer him up. From the moment, Tharn entered the shower, he’s never stopped smiling.

Type might not have a penchant for grand romantic gestures like Tharn, but he’s thoughtful and romantic in his own unique way just like when he gathers his courage and shyly asks Tharn about the 7th anniversary present. The whole moment is a parallel to the time Type found about Tharn’s birthday 7 years ago. Type always asks his boyfriend what he wishes for because he wants to give Tharn something he truly desires and needs since Tharn has given Type so much and always manages to make Type blissfully happy with his surprise gifts, just like that glamping date in their living room. 

Tharn turns Type around and pins him against the wall, caging him between his strong arms, because he yearns to see those expressive bambi eyes, so soft and pliant just for him. 

Those dark eyes which tell him so much about Type, they are like a window inside his heart and soul, but above all, he sees himself reflected in them together with Type’s love and longing for him. And who can blame him when Type looks at him so expectantly and lovingly. 

It doesn’t matter what Tharn wished for because Type would have given anything he asked. But Tharn wants only him. He wanted only him for his 19th birthday and he’s always wanted only him since the moment Type had walked into their tiny dorm room 7 years ago. After all that time, nothing has changed. And Type grins like a fool because he realizes it. 

While the idea of marriage makes him reluctant, there is no doubt in Type’s mind that he wants to spend the rest of his life with Tharn, being loved by Tharn and love him in return. 

He promises Tharn those 70 years which is his whole life, his own forever,  without hesitation, eagerly and willingly.

Tharn and Type pledge their whole lives to each other and that instinctively leads them to consummate their love in the most beautiful and natural way possible. It feels nostalgic and reminiscent of another moment they shared together in a different shower a long time ago. 

The visual similarities only highlight the narrative differences. Back then, Type was hindered by his inexperience, trepidations, doubts and homophobia, making his touches shy and tentative. Type had a very limited sexual experience compared to Tharn when they met and Tharn became his teacher in many things, including sex. 

He was the one who taught him the difference between fucking and making love. Tharn might forever remain Type’s first man, but now, after 7 years together, they are equally matched both emotionally and physically. 

So no more sexual discoveries for them because now, they know each other’s bodies better than their own and what the other person likes, too. The stubble on their chins, a stark remainder that they are no longer teenage boys but adult men.

It’s incredible how both actors manage to express a wide spectrum of complex emotions - love, desire, physical release,... - using only their eyes, facial expressions and body language, making you feel exactly what they feel in this very moment.

Even before Tharn gently cradles Type’s neck and brushes his thumb sensually over his collarbone, their eyes have been roaming over each’s over taut muscles, travelling down to look unabashedly towards the other man’s crotch. 

Their eyes are smiling at each other and then their gasps and the smacking of their lips reverberating in the shower stall prove how palpably real, tangible and deeply in love these two men are. Lost in their kiss, devouring and sucking their wet lips.

When Tharn lifts Type up as if he weighted nothing and Type wraps his arms and legs around Tharn with ease, fingers digging into his neck, it feels so practiced like they’ve done it countless times.For Tharn and Type, seeking each other’s warmth, craving to be joined in flesh feels spontanenous and natural like breathing, they NEED to be as close to each other as physically possible on a visceral level, with no barriers and space between. No other series addresses the realities of gay sex like TharnType does. They have done it once on the couch so Type’s already prepared and Tharn can take him immediately, thrusting into his tight heat. Because no matter how many times they’ve been together like this, it will never be enough. 

Their lovemaking is a sensory overload - visual, acoustic, tactile, olfactory,... - the picture of them together, the echo of their moans and water flowing down their bodies and sounds of a body meeting another body, the scent of their skin, the taste of their lips,... Watching all of this through a glass makes you feel like you are intruding on a private, deeply intimate moment.

It’s hard to catch a glimpse of Tharn’s expression while he’s slamming into Type since the camera’s focus is on Type’s pleasure and so is Tharn’s. Because this has always been about Type, about making him forget everything that troubles him. It’s a way of allowing the audience to see Type through Tharn’s eyes. There is this fleeting moment of Tharn looking up to Type and watching him getting lost in pleasure through half-lidded eyes full of desire. Type has this innate ability to completely let go and lose himself in the overwhelming pleasure that Tharn gives him and Tharn gets off on the sight of it because he knows that in that moment there is no one else on Type’s mind but Tharn and the pleasure he brings him. The sight of Type being completely his - heart, body and soul - is his ultimate aphrodisiac and kink. 

Trapped against the wall, in his embrace, Type is his to keep, his to ravish, his to love. There, Tharn’s lips and nose brush against his favourite spot - the crook of Type’s neck - where he can smell Type’s sweet boy scent.

There are so many little details which add so much nuance to the whole moment, making it feel incredibly erotic, raw, passionate and real:  Tharn’s hands holding Type close, Type’s palms on Tharn’s on shoulders pulling him near, their lips mimicking the movement of their bodies below, Type being pushed up by the force of Tharn moving inside him,...

And when Type finally cums, he slams his hand on the glass, clenched in utter abadon, letting go of his hold on Tharn’s shoulders because he has complete trust in his lover and feels protected in Tharn’s powerful arms. He knows that Tharn will always keep him safe and never let him fall.

[cheap-pack-of-cigarettes]

trying to convince me that Tharn would actually think Type would sleep with someone else when Type has expressed (a lot might i add) that he doesnt want/love any one other than Tharn and the fact that he’s literally never done it over their seven year relationship is like tryna convince me the earth is flat. Type was expremely vocal about how much he’s missed Tharn when he’s been away and even when he’s sick he still wants Tharn to finish his work instead of rushing back home to take care of Type even though Type is yearning for him to be home. This is all bc a pen was left on the table? or because Type never told Tharn about Fiat?? I’m sure he didnt tell Tharn about every single patient he’s had and even when Fiat tries to make moves on Type, Type doesnt even 1. Acknowledge it or 2. Pay it any mind because its not Tharn giving him the attention. The same argument could be made back at Tharn with that girl trying to wiggle her way into their family. Sure, Type was jealous but he didnt think Tharn would cheat on him and more importantly, Tharn paid it to mind because it wasnt Type.

Another thing is it’s not like Phu walked in on them doing something together or even saw Fiat going through with his plan to kiss Type while he was asleep. I know Fiat isnt at all considered one of Type’s ‘friends’ or even ‘aquaintances’ but Type is allowed to have those realtionships regardless?? he can have work friends and even befriend patients that Tharn doesnt completely know about and that’s fine, just like Type probably doesnt know all the people Tharn knows when he’s making music. I just dont get the writers trying to run with the ‘seven year itch’ thing when it was mentioned once. Literally they had their conflict already with Tharn wanting to get married and Type not being 100% ready for that, there is still zero need to a ‘cheating’ storyline. Type doesnt even kind of reciprocate Fiat’s feelings (on top of Fiat trying to figure out what feelings he has for Leo) so all of this just doesnt make sense.

[inamatchamood]

Tharntype Ep4 Reaction

Disclaimer: this does not contain any coherent thoughts

- Okay completely off topic but that is such A COOL WHISK what?!

- This man can’t fry an egg but was like yo lemme bake though

- Okay Type walked into this knowing EXACTLY what he wanted and it ain’t cupcakes

- The transition from the hot egg mess to the nicely made cupcakes killed me

- OMG THE LIP WIPING PARALLELS between Leo and Fiat and Tharntype 👀

- The transition from bratty ass Fiat to baby Fiat was so quick it gave me whiplash

- Ngl I’m kinda interested in Fiat and Leo’s dynamic, they’re families seem super close which creates an interesting set up for years of pining and yearning, it could explain the blatant fitting which literally neither of them are addressing but back to incoherence

- Okay wth I’m getting diabetes from how sweet Tharn and Type are being, WHO ALLOWED THEM

- Okay Type you need to calm down buddy like you JUST finished

- Okay can we take a hot minute to talk about how business savvy Tharn is like man has so many jobs and businesses, we Stan an entrepreneur

- Also I’m in love with the way Tharn copies Types mannerisms when he’s trying to make fun of him, it’s so cute 🥺

- Okay the way all the talk about the shop has become analogous to talking about the marriage

- IM DYING AT HOW THARN IS BEING ALL I WANT TO BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND BEING WHOLESOME AND TYPE WITH THIS WHOLE CHEST JUSY WENT “I’m not a cripple” IM DECEASED

- Glad Tharn’s financial philosophy is “make it rain”

- Love how it’s been two whole seconds and Leo is like who is this Fiat but also the way Fiat’s face lit up when he saw Type makes me just AHHHH I can already foresee so much pain for everyone

- Type honey Tharn ain’t the one he falling for

- Leo is 110% over this boys shit lmao

- The shoelace/shoe trope is just so adorable to me I fucking love it

- The Doc really just be lurking outside this building

- I love how Doc dug himself into this hole completely unprompted

- Living for how everyone’s love language on this show is just food

- Holy shit Tharn in his maroon suit though 🔥🔥

- I’m really glad P’Thorn is here speaking for what Type might be thinking because I feel like it’s difficult for Tharn to hear from Type because he loves him so he just shuts off when Type tries to communicate this and Type also has a fear in communicating it as he doesn’t want to hurt Tharn, obviously not a substitute for them actually having the conversation themselves but it’s okay for now

- Okay I understand why they haven’t told anyone in the company Tharn is gay but the annoyance Thorn has for the assistant is just so funny

- This girl really trying her best to marry into this family like damn

- Type really said if this gets to hard I’ll quit and you can be my sugar daddy and honestly RESPECT

- Loving techno being there for type but also supporting tharn WHAT A KING

- The accuracy of finding out some shit on insta that messes up your life is too real

- Have these two lost braincells - Tharn is literally gay what is happening

- Okay why does No tell stories how I tell stories

- Okay Idk if Fiat is playing dumb or ACTUALLY dumb

- Okay domestic tharntype is super adorable and has calmed me down considerably

- This gold digger ass mofo is getting on my damn nerves

- OMG TYPE IS BOUTTA CAUSE SOME SHIT AND I AM SO READY FOR IT

Okay next week gonna be a shit show I will prepare myself

[potatomarble]

Tharntype the Series

(no spoilers, just my two cents)

This series revolves around the lives of Tharn and Type. Right off the bat, you will notice that they are completely opposite with each other. Tharn is an easy-going rich guy who loves music while Type is a foul-mouthed football player that has a bit of a temper.

The story started when Type found out from a friend that his roomie (Tharn) is gay. Being a homophobic man with a traumatic past, Type cannot accept the fact that for the past 3 weeks, he's been living with someone whom he hates the most. Type started planning out childlike schemes to push Tharn out of the room. But because Tharn is matured enough to deal with his roomie's antics, Type's plan failed. (And I guess, that's the beginning of something wonderful).

This series fearlessly talks about topics like homophobia, child molestation and male rape. During the first three episodes, we came face to face with Type's demon and how it ruined his childhood. I love how the actor portraying Type (Gulf) delivered the scene with heart-wrenching emotions. You can really feel how devastating it is for a child to be a victim of a sexual crime. The trauma it costs, not only to the victim, but to his family as well. That exact scene made us understand where all of his angers are coming from. And it is valid.

The character development in this series was beyond compare. Even though, the development focuses more on Type, Tharn's character became the catalyst of his so-called change. Despite being hated by Type for being gay, Tharn cared for him, listens to him, and understands him. He held Type's hand and guide him to maturity. Together, they bravely dealt with their hurtful pasts and continue on the journey while finding a blossoming relationship along the way.

Mew (Tharn) and Gulf's (Type) on screen chemistry was truly commendable. Their love for each other looks genuine as if they are a couple in real life. The workshop paid off really well. I've seen a few of their workshop videos where they were told to always be with each other. This resulted to a more raw acting with no hints of inhibitions.

Conflicts. Just when you thought you know what's wrong in the story, you are probably wrong. This series has a hidden villain lurking behind the leads, and his evil deeds have been revealed during the last 3 episodes. Although, you may have hints about his shady actions, the extent of his evilness will completely shock you. I love how this plot twist made the story stand out from other cliché BL.

Breakup. Crying a river is an understatement. I balled my eyes out on this scene. Imagine two people completely in love with each other, but one decided to end the relationship because he only wants the best for his partner. I literally cannot put into words the pain that I felt while I was in that exact episode. It was too intense. It was too real. Both leads were exceptional. They were so immersed in their characters really well. I love how they engaged their viewers in their acting, making them feel the agony and yearning more than they should.

Tharntype isn't just a series that is full of steamy scenes and lustful desires. It is more on overcoming traumas, moving on, family love, and acceptance. It shows how one can become a better person despite being pulled down by his nightmares. And how love can either make or break a person.

It's been 2 weeks since I started watching Thai BL series, and based from everything that I've finished binging, Tharntype is the best amongst all of them.

[whyamistillwatchingtheseshows]

Let’s pretend the ex isn’t coming back and the only thing we see is Type giving Tharn his birthday present after the evening dinner with family (based from the song Lights Down Low because it gave me feels):

Tharn opened the door to a dimmed living room. Type jumped from behind the couch catching Tharn from behind. “Surprise!” Tharn had no idea how to react. Type had an impressive learning curve for someone so new to a relationship. Such an impressive learning curve that gave Tharn whiplash but he softly smiled.

“Family time is over, right? So that means I can give you your gift?” Type mumbled all of this into Tharn’s back but he still heard. He turned around to face him, Type still gripped him tightly about the waist. Tharn grinned at him. “I’ve been waiting all night. So tell me, baby, what’s your plan?” There was no other explanation for the feeling that Type has when Tharn calls him baby, save for one word: giddiness. Like a wave it overcomes him and Type crashes his lips against Tharn’s. Mid-way, Type feels a slight lift and so he jumps, legs locking around him, Tharn locking hands under his ass, neither of them losing the connection their lips yearned for.

Tharn backed them into the sofa and sat down. Type kneaded fingers into his shoulders as Tharn did his most favorite thing in the world: neck kisses. Type never understood much in the way of kissing or foreplay until Tharn. When his neck was kissed Type felt shit all the way down to his toes. Tharn also had a habit of raking teeth against skin. Type let out a little hiss and Tharn kissed the spot instead.

“Ooh, too hard?”

“You wish,” Type rolled his eyes. “I can take it.” Tharn ripped off his shirt and Type’s shirt tossing them aside. Teeth sank into Type’s shoulders. It was a gentle bite, but he playfully smacked Tharn’s mouth. Tharn caught a finger with his teeth. Type gave him a don’t you dare look. Tharn instead took the finger into his mouth and started sucking on it. Type let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. He took his fingers back and that same hand traveled down Tharn’s chest, reaching into his pants.

Tharn raised an eyebrow. There were a few things in this department Type hasn’t done yet. This was one of them. Tharn had to quell an excitement within because he thought of Type’s delicious mouth taking all of him at once. Type’s nervous hand started moving up and down. Tharn’s head fell back against the sofa. Type pressed kisses into his neck, his hand still working. Tharn’s eyes fell closed and he threaded fingers into his hair as Type kissed his way down his chest. Slowly, Type’s hand lifted from his pants and the boy sank to the floor. Tharn opened his eyes to now see a face in his lap. He bit his lip as Type pulled pants and boxers over his hips. They were off and Tharn felt proud when Type’s nervous yet well-taught mouth went to work.

—-

Tharn couldn’t handle it for long. He needed his hands on him. Tharn growled, but gently jerked Type up by his hair. He then pulled him to feet, instantly noticing just how much his gift was enjoying this too. Tharn’s hands dropped pants and boxers so fast it made Type laugh. He sucked in a breath when a hand caressed up a thigh and lips pressed into the other. “I know you think you’re supposed to spoil me,” Tharn drawled as his lips brushed over his thigh again, “but that’s not what I want.” Type’s hands rested in hair as Tharn looked up at him with a mischievous grin. 

“You want to have your way with me like any other day,” Type retorted. He grinned too. At the sight of his grin, another guttural growl escaped Tharn’s throat. He jumped from the sofa, gripped Type by the hips and pushed him towards the bed. “Suit yourself, birthday boy,” Type said when his ass hit the bed.

Tharn fell on top of him and Type knew this was going to be one exhaustive, exhilarating, exciting, breathtaking night.

—-

The next morning Type woke up first. Tharn’s arms were tightened around him. He reached for a hand and kissed it. Tharn only grumbled a response. Type laid there a moment, contemplating an urge. Why not? Type jumped him and Tharn groaned, then sleepily smiled. Type gave him a quick kiss then tried to hop out of the bed. Tharn sat up as fast as a lightning bolt and grabbed him. Type fell to the edge of the bed, Tharn snuggling into his back. He kissed it a few times and then Type turned around, Tharn yanking him into his lap as he did so. Type’s fingers kneaded into Tharn’s back like they’ve grown accustomed to doing, but for some reason Tharn grimaced. Type lifted himself (realizing that nakedness was bothering him less and less) to look over a shoulder. He quickly jumped behind Tharn and pressed kisses to his back.

“Did you scratch it last night? I wasn’t sure. It felt like fingernails dug into me a few times.” Type kept kissing him. Tharn sighed. There was that feeling of whiplash again. He yanked a hand and dragged Type back into his lap. Type gave him a pout. Then said, “I’m sorry.” Tharn changed the subject. 

“Can I have a morning kiss now?”

“Didn’t you get enough last night?”

“I can never get enough of you,” Tharn grinned. Type shyly smiled and then kissed his boyfriend’s forehead, nose, cheeks and then as their lips connected he whispered good morning. 

--

Later that afternoon they lazed about the condo. Tharn sat in the arm chair with his laptop. Suddenly, slow music started permeating the silence and a finger closed his laptop. Tharn was going to die from this whiplash, but he didn’t care. If Type wanted to continue to spoil him with this kind of shit he’d gladly take it. The laptop disappeared from his hands and was set onto the coffee table. Type extended a hand and Tharn readily accepted the offer. Though, Type initiated Tharn took the lead. They held hands, then Type’s other hand found a shoulder, Tharn’s found Type’s waist. They swayed to the music like some cheesy high school dance. Tharn chuckled. 

“Care to tell me what this is for?” 

“It’s still a part of your birthday present,” Type simply said. His head fell against Tharn’s chest. Tharn gulped back tears. He smiled when Type wrapped arms around him and squeezed him tight. They danced that way the rest of the song and then Type looked up.  With a realization at the forefront of his mind, Tharn grabbed him by the face and kissed him. It’s true he can’t get enough of him. He wanted Type every second of the day, minute and hour for the rest of his life. 

There was a strange kind of wetness in the middle of this kiss so Type tore away. Hands were immediately wiping away tears as Tharn tried to laugh it off. Tharn yanked him closer. With each passing day a feeling of love grew in his heart but it was an uncanny feeling. The way it made him feel so happy terrified him to the bone. He could only imagine if Type felt the same way. If Type did have the same feelings, Tharn only hoped that he didn’t fight them. 

To refocus his attention, Type peppered his face with kisses. Tharn laughed and when Type went in for more he caught his lips. He was content just getting lost in his boyfriend until the semester started. 

[vxiermoved]

They didn't have to give us that montage of the four leads crying but they did.

Type did his best to hold it in, taking big breaths and looking up but everything is blurry and it hurts. What is he crying for anyways? It's not like Tharn mattered that much to him... But he does.

Tharn looked over at the empty side of the bed. Fingers ran through the sheets, trying to find the warmth that has slipped away from his grasp all too many times. Now that he has it back, Tharn doesn't want to let go...Please, not again.

Tum sat himself at the dining table, biting his fist as his chest swelled with ache. He watched the person dearest to him breakdown, for a minute there he thought they'd be gone forever. Now they're chasing after the past again, picking at old scabs...Just look at only me.

Tar looks at the old photo on his desktop, not bothering to stop the tears from wetting his cheeks. It's too much, can he turn back time? Self-preserving was all he knew, now he yearns for the same love that ended up bringing him pain all those years ago... Don't leave me alone.

[the-wayside]

Oooooo.

I love it.

They've taken the case structure to mirror the arc structure, so this new case is the set up for the next character arc.

Something that rang loud and true for me is that anything that happens has to be Tharn's choice. Why doesn't Chalothorn just drag him off if he's so powerful etc. blah blah blah? Phaya, who is the the Bird King God, why can't he just drag Tharn off? They can't. Tharn has to choose (and he always chooses Phaya in the end).

Phaya is driving discovering their past selves and I love that because discovering who they were helps him win Tharn now. Only by knowing what happened can he protect Tharn. And with four six episodes left, we needed the discord. We needed a fracture, a true fracture, to force, lbh, Tharn, to cross the chasm. He is in this constant state of yearning but nothing can seem to make him break his own vow. I think Tharn was harsh with Phaya when he hit him but it was almost a boiling point moment because it isn't actually about Chalothorn. It's about Phaya, and Tharn who is fighting the rising tide of his feelings constantly around him. He's frustrated with himself and Phaya. Why can't he shake him off? Why is Phaya like this? Why is he still falling for him when he knows mentally he shouldn't? Why does he care that a pretty girl is talking to him and his family? He cares so damn much that it hurts him.

So yeah, he hit Phaya because he threatened his friend, as any good friend would, but it wasn't all about that. Plus if a guy I liked tried to hit one of my friends I'd punt him too. If my friend turned out to be evil, they'd get the same treatment. Tharn is trying to be fair to everyone but all it's doing is tearing him apart. All he actually wants is to give in and have Phaya. He yearns when no one is watching because they aren't. This man isn't oblivious. He isn't confused. He's actively telling himself no and that can't last forever. And when it happens, it won't be because of Phaya, it will be because of Tharn (as I've always said).

Yai, beautiful himbo that you are. I love him so much. He's such a good friend. He is the guy who shows up in a dino costume to bury the body. It's so nice to see someone be an actual real friend. And for the guys to act like guys, razzing each other and talking about love and whatever because guys do. Not exactly like girls, but sometimes the pendulum swings too hard in TV shows and it's hard to see male characters act like actual men. Not everything is wild toxic masculinity and heavy grunting instead of talking about your feelings.

Loved it, I really did. I need the break from the tension and to ready myself for the journey to the finish. Lessgooooo.

[the-wayside]

I don't know if anyone else does this but like my brain plays fill in the gaps and I write whole scenes in my head for most things I watch which is why I have so much to say all the goddamn time.

Anyway, I happened to write down this one. It's a canon-ish compliant how we got from A to B to C of Phaya waking up and going to Tharn's and a bit after that.

the you who is everything. 2.6k. pg-13 for sexy adjacent if you know you know.

It’s Tharn who gets ushered out of his room far too quickly, shining brown eyes with unshed tears and a rough unshaven cheek under Phaya’s palm. It’s Tharn who speaks no words but Phaya can feel his anguish as distinctly as his own. It’s Tharn who lets it happen because Nee is inconsolable and Phaya hazily watches as Tharn moves back to let her come forward. He wants more than anything to speak, to call out for him again but his consciousness slips and his fingers slacken without the steadiness of Tharn to hold onto.

It’s Tharn who is Wansarut. His beloved. Wansarut is Tharn. Phaya feels the tight boundaries of memories that are and aren’t his own. They belong to Master Garuda. Still, they are embedded in his skin and he feels their free edge, pushing and expanding in his mind. He grasps onto not the new memories, but a simple one he knows is his and his alone, his hand cupping Tharn’s throat, asking him not to leave. He knows he has searched without looking, yearned without truly knowing. This person who appeared in his life too many times to be a coincidence. Not a coincidence, a gift. Another chance to defy the will of an immodest god. Phaya curls his fingers against his palm when his thoughts slip to Chalothon. The slayer of his love. It’s like another dream as the nurses hustle and bustle around him, taking his vitals and consoling his sister. He feels someone try to take his amulet and he slams his hand down on top of them both.

“No,” he croaks, barely eeking out a whisper. Not for his safety, but because they can’t take what he gave to Phaya. She. They. His mind swirls faster and the hand slips away as he catches the thong of leather between his thumb and index finger, to keep it tight in his grasp. Tharn’s soul is in this stone that he tucks under his hospital gown. They can’t have it. No one can.

“P’Phaya—” Nee calls out to him and he peels his eyes open with a force it has never taken him before. Time has passed or at least he thinks it has.

He mumbles incoherently and she looks concerned, Dao behind her, holding her arm and her back.

“Tharn,” he whispers with more acuity.

Nee looks back at Dao, “We sent him home.”

Phaya tries to understand why, his face crinkling up and Nee must see the stress on his face. The tear that slips from his eye isn’t entirely his own. He cries and wets Phaya’s face.

“We’ll call him back,” Nee says immediately, trying to calm Phaya down, unused to seeing her brother cry, Dao tries to slow her down as she moves quickly to grab her phone.

“P’Phaya,” Dao tries as tries to split her focus on talking to him and dealing with Nee.

He doesn’t have it in him to speak but he repeats himself, “Tharn.”

It’s all he wants. Now. Forever.

***

When he wakes up a third time, alone and after visiting hours, he feels more centered in his body. His eyes open easily and he feels stronger and more like himself. He gently peels the tape from his canula and slips the needle out, pressing his palm down to try and stem the blood flow. His blood is sluggish and it stops quickly, which he is grateful for. He knows that he’s in no fit state and no nurse or doctor is going to let him go willing, so he creeps, barefoot, to the door and peeks his head out. It’s a gentle clutter of activity that comes with the night shift. Easily sifted through. So, he makes his way down the corridor till he sees a room marked STAFF and he opens it with a hard yank down on the closed lock that breaks under even his lesser strength. He closes the door and what catches his eye is a chair just out of his periphery and on it are some men’s clothes. He walks slowly over and grabs hold of them, raising the jeans up, and he mentally fist pumps the air because they look like they’ll work. He peels off his gown, wincing with the movement before he goes into the ensuite bathroom he sees on the other side of the room and splashes water over his face and under his armpits. He’s pretty sure someone gave him a sponge bath, he hopes it was Tharn, but he feels slightly more human and brushes his teeth with toothpaste and his finger to at least get the taste of the lake out of his mouth.

He looks at himself in the mirror, paler than he’s ever been, life barely in his lips. He’s the same. He’s exactly the same but entirely different. His brows, the slope of his nose and his mouth are all him but for a moment when he looks at himself, he isn’t himself. He’s him. The weight of heavy wings tugging on his spine and the sharp bite of talons when he curls his fingers into his hands.

Sakuna.

Garuda.

Naga.

Tharn.

He’s all that matters. He’s out there, alone, he could be hurt at any moment and Phaya can’t get to him. It sets a wave of panic rising inside him. He shakes it off and stands to the best of his ability. The only way he’s getting out of here is if no one out there believes he’s supposed to be in here. He stares himself in the eye and sees nothing out of the ordinary. He grips that image tight and does his best to embody that vision as he walks back to the door to make his journey out of the hospital.

***

He cradles his ribs the entire car ride to Tharn’s apartment. Every dip and ridge in the road lances him with pain. He can feel sweat building on the back of his neck and he tips his head back and tries to breathe it out. 10 more minutes. 10 more minutes and then he can be sure Tharn is safe.

It all comes tumbling out in a rush. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you sooner. You’re only mine. Phaya feels the words like a burning itch under his skin. Tharn is the water, the only water that can slake his thirst and he wouldn’t deny Phaya that would he? No. Not now. Maybe not ever. Walking back, Tharn barely gets enough space between them and mumbles about the door and Phaya hears him but he won’t give him up, won’t let him change his mind, won’t let him deny them this reconciliation. He raises a hand wildly and flicks his wrist and a gust of air like a flap of a wing swings the door closed.

“Tharn,” he whispers, rubbing his nose along his. Tharn looks up at him with those big brown eyes. It’s so hard because he sees him imposed on her. Her who is him. It hurts his head so he strokes his palms down Tharn’s shoulders, down to his slim hips. Tharn is who he is now. Tharn who fell in love with Phaya between kicking sand at base camp and running after bad guys. Tharn who never leaves Phaya’s side. Tharn who is alive and Phaya loves him so very much.

“Phaya,” Tharn calls out to him with concern, hands coming up to his face, thumbs rubbing at what might be dark circles. He doesn’t dare look a second time.

Tharn is Phaya’s. No matter what. No matter what came before or what comes after. In all the sanity, Tharn belongs to Phaya only.

He looks at him because he wants to memorize Tharn’s face, the curve of his cupid’s bow, the strong line of his jaw, thick brows and fluttering eyelashes.

“I need you,” he admits. He needs Tharn like he needs breathing. His entire being has been shifted and remade with a gaping hole in his chest and he feels like he’s been trying to fill it longer than anything else in existence.

Tharn nods like he’s agreeing. He’ll give Phaya this. He’ll let him take without asking questions and Phaya’s grateful because he doesn’t have the answers, only spun-up confusion.

Phaya walks him back, fingers sliding to grasp Tharn’s shirt so that when they’re in his room, softly lit and twinkling, he can pull it off and dive back to that mouth.

Has it only been days since they last did this? Tharn’s beautiful golden skin barely lit as he lays back pulls Phaya in like a moth to a flame, erratic wings beating like the thrum of his heart. Phaya climbs over him to kiss him and Tharn immediately opens up, meeting him kiss for kiss, their mouths sliding against each other in wordless communication. I want you; have me.

Phaya takes his time blushing and bruising Tharn’s skin, littering his skin with marks that don’t penetrate further than the surface but they please that buzz inside his brain that says, people can see. His soul and mine are one. It’s the truest thing he knows as his fingers slide down Tharn’s throat and Tharn grabs his hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles.

His heart squeezes in his chest at the gesture and he skates his lips, tongue teasing until he reaches Tharn’s scar from the knife that almost took him from Phaya. He had previously skirted past it, careful in case it still gave Tharn pain but he tilts his head back, encouraging Phaya to keep up his tending to his body, so he kisses it once, twice, acknowledging its existence but also the truth that it didn't take what Phaya holds so dear to him.

It’s awkward when he tries to take Tharn’s pants off with one hand, kissing back up his chest to his mouth that is leaking breathy whimpers that Phaya wants to swallow down inside himself and keep them there with everything else he knows about Tharn. I did that, I give him that pleasure.

Tharn understands where he’s trying to go and he tips his head back up and focuses on unzipping his pants and shimmying them down his hips and around his thighs. Phaya leans off him enough to help him push them down off his knees and into a heap on the floor. He looks back up at Tharn who pulls on his bicep and tugs him back up to kiss him again, bolder than before and he slides his hand into Phaya’s hair, trapping him as he pulls him to lay across his naked body. There’s little more that he can do but whine as Tharn licks and sucks on his neck, giving him a hickey of his own. When he finally surfaces, leaning back against the bed, he’s smug and Phaya loves him all over again.

There are dark smudges under Tharn’s eyes and it worries Phaya, so he leans over and when Tharn closes his eyes, Phaya kisses his eyelid gently, the tip of his nose, and then his mouth.

“I missed you,” he says quietly and Tharn’s grip on him tightens.

There are a ton of questions that start circulating in his head, some his own, some pushing back from those now opened recesses but Phaya keeps his focus still locked on Tharn, the silence in the eye of the storm.

Phaya slinks down as best he can until he’s knees on the floor, sitting on his ankles, and there’s some apprehension in Tharn but Phaya calms it with soft strokes on his thigh. He won’t do it if Tharn doesn’t want him to. He kisses the thin skin on the inside of his knee, just above that, sucking on the skin and letting it go with a wet pop. He gets a perfect visual of Tharn’s whole body twitching like it’s on one thread from his head down to his toes, connected only to Phaya’s mouth.

“Tharn?” He asks, kissing a little further up but still in a safer zone.

Tharn licks his lips and nods, “Yeah?”

It’s still a question so Phaya kisses his mid-inner thigh nose rubbing before he bites, Tharn jumping with the unexpectedness of it, “Yeah?”

“Yes.”

Sure, definitive, the go Phaya needs. He sits off his ankles and back properly onto his knees as he pushes Tharn’s leg and kisses the inner crease of his thigh and he jolts again, hooked like a fish on a line. Phaya pays extra attention to it, licking it flatly, tasting the deeper texture of his skin where it is saltier and warmer. Tharn’s fingers wind back into his hair, scratching his scalp gently and sending little tingles down Phaya’s nerves. He retaliates by scraping his teeth on Tharn’s hipbone. Phaya can feel his own blood in his veins, singing eternally about this, about Tharn, about them. It hits deeper in his bones than any fight or battle.

He's supposed to be here with his hands on Tharn’s skin, loving and worshipping all that he’s been given. He is dear to me. My affection is pure.

Tharn gasps and it’s a melody he wants to listen to in this life and all his lives. Phaya swallows and Tharn cries out, fingers spasming in his hair. This is all he needs. Only mine, always. Phaya tucks his arm around Tharn’s thigh to hold him tighter and down and catches in his eyeline as he curls up on himself, thrashing as Phaya draws out and pushes bliss through his body.

“Phaya.” Benediction.

More, Phaya thinks, more of me until there’s nothing else. Until you’re safe from harm’s way.

Tharn tries pushing at him but Phaya is heavier regardless of his state. Without any leverage he has to accept everything Phaya gives him, palm moving to be splayed on his belly to stop him from writhing away again.

“Phaya, please, come o—” Tharn’s words stop but his body trembles, his skin getting hotter and hotter.

Phaya stays with him until all of it eases, his thighs previously corded with tension, slacken away from Phaya’s shoulders.

Phaya strokes his palm over the wet sheen on Tharn’s stomach, comforting him as everything ebbs. Tharn throws an arm over his eyes and breathes out harshly. Phaya eases him down and drags himself up to flop next to him on the bed.

“You—” Tharn accuses from his shielded view.

Phaya kisses his chest, “Mmm, I did.”

That gets Tharn to pull away his arm, and let it drop over his head as he frowns at Phaya with the incredulity of it. Phaya grins at him self-assuredly, “I did, didn’t I?”

That arm slaps his weak chest, “Evil jellyfish!”

Phaya bursts out laughing and Tharn stops, mouth clearly working faster than his brain.

“You’re ridiculous,” Tharn settles for. Phaya can’t tell if he’s embarrassed or not but he takes it as a win when Tharn doesn’t deny him snuggling up closer to his side. There’s a cursory glance downward from Tharn and Phaya shakes his head. It wasn’t what he came for.

“But I’m yours,” Phaya tells him. Tharn doesn’t argue and opens the space by his side so that Phaya can lay his head on Tharn’s chest and listen to the thud-thud of his heart.

Phaya reaches for those same boundaries that felt so prominent in his consciousness earlier in the evening but they have receded, further into the dim back edges of his awareness.

He laments what happened to Wansarut. He feels that distant ache of her passing, the screaming need to save her, and the unflinching sorrow when he couldn’t. He feels her as he feels the walls inside himself but she isn’t everything. Tharn, here and now, feels like everything.

I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, but I promise I will save him.

[the-wayside]

I'm at the laptop with not my first alcohol beverage but definitely my bougie-est - a salted caramel espresso martini.

I am once again bountiful of unnecessary opinions, my drum a lonely beat. This is not a complete rundown, an initial pass shall we say.

Firstly, the issue with this episode is a ripple effect. Tharn was involved in multiple plot points and in multiple capacities. So getting the breathing space was hard to come by, but I'm going to focus on the culmination and why it worked for me.

The groundwork. The veil/tether that Tharn has been holding onto is made of gossamer. His front, made of paper. His yearning was a whole moment last episode (thank you, Babe, your face is a blessing). But Way, all of the arguing--exactly. Phaya and Tharn with other people and Phaya and Tharn together in their bubble are two very different things as we know.

I will tell you the exact moment I knew it had flipped. Tharn standing with Phaya's art, the deep expressions of his creativity, his passion and Phaya admitting his fear and the steps he had taken to overcome it and Tharn saying I'm trying too. He's trying to get to a place where he isn't terrified to love Phaya because he does have these feelings which he goes on to inadvertently admit with tears in his eyes.

What I find so beautiful about them is that it isn't explosive. To have loved someone in a previous life (lives), it's like coming home and recognizing on a deeper level, it's you. Phaya voices it in his own way, that he feels like he has longed and liked Tharn longer than he can remember. Sometimes the world doesn't end with a bang but with a whimper. One man shooting his shot with his beloved reincarnated soulmate who *chooses* to lean in and kiss him.

Tharn and Phaya don't function like they do alone with other people. It's honestly so interesting to see the walls, esp. Tharn puts up. He's so secretive and squirrely about Phaya that if someone hears a lick of emotion from him the whole deck of cards will come falling down. And I still feel in my bones that Dr Chalothorn's presence fucks with people. Like a poison, he seeps in everywhere. It hypes Phaya up because he's so scared Tharn will disappear like smoke and Tharn, in his denial/not as in tune with his true self, can't understand.

So I see the tenseness in Tharn but also how it unspools as he spends an evening with Phaya's family. How naturally he could fit, how easy it would be to be with Phaya. He is in a constant state of war and when Phaya says, I'll take care of it. I will carry your burden, your heart and keep it safe. Karma, past lives, it's ephemeral. Phaya. Phaya is real. Doesn't Tharn deserve something real for once in his life? To take one chance in a sea of doing exactly what he's told? Him allowing himself to allow Phaya in...*emosh*

And I love intimate scenes because you can't bullshit with them. If the emotion is off, it won't land. It won't feel honest. When I tell you the DETAILS had me chomping, I was full fang into it.

Tharn being covered by Phaya and his hand over Phaya's wing tattoo. Phaya is the freaking bird god. He is covering Tharn and protecting him with his wings (tattoo) being exposed to the rest of the world (side note: feral for the camera angles because Billy *covers* Babe) and Tharn is embracing and stroking them intimately. Like *growls*.

The straddle of showing desire versus intimacy versus delicacy over Tharn's first time. It's not awkward but the details, Phaya's hand is tucked under Tharn's chin and he checks in with him wordlessly before he touches the curve of his hip, slope of his rear (Babe, thank you again, your body is *nonsensical hand gestures*). It's the unspoken question and answer that flows between them. Tharn biting his finger when he's entered. You don't see it, you don't need to. It plays out perfectly. All of Phaya's feelings and care go into how slowly and carefully he cherishes his/their first time.

It's not an explosion of feelings but a steady confirmation of them and I--. Rawr. With them, it was never gonna be about the high heat horny bang, god how we love her. They're beyond that. They're an epic, spanning continents, destruction and death in their wake. Them being together is taking a breath and coming home. Being afraid but being taken care of anyway.

I just really, really loved how they did this; however, I do think it got a bit mishmashed in the convergence of plotlines but no one's perfect and I'm having a great time.

[dreamingsnowflake2013]

For the first time in his life, Type’s become dependant on someone for care and affection and he longs for Tharn’s presence and gentleness to a degree that he can't bear another night without him. He’s desperate enough to swallow his pride and give into the instinct and yearning to kiss Tharn and prevent him from leaving. Once again, that kiss is a result of all the emotions Type is unable to voice out loud - it’s his apology to Tharn and also a plea, with his lips and the aching vulnerability in his eyes he begs Tharn not to leave him alone. Tharn is so shook when Type kisses him because it’s the first time he’s done that without him goading him into it and it takes him a few moments before his brains processes that it’s actually really happening since he can scarcely believe it. 

However, then Type loses his courage and Tharn doesn’t want to end this rare moment of intimacy between them and catches Type’s face in his hand as if it were something unbearably precious and they share a perfect kiss. But it becomes too much for Type and he tries to escape but Tharn wouldn’t have any of it and draws him into a swoonworthy backhug, All it took was one shy kiss from Type and Tharn forgivess him everything, proclaiming his undying love for him by whispering against his cheek that he can’t live without him. Type only needs to give a hint and Tharn rushes to his side, showers him in affection and gives him everything he wants. The boy is truly whipped. Tharn’s admission makes Type so blissfully happy and blushing I half-expected him to squeal in glee. It means so much to Type to hear that Tharn still cares about him and he still hasn’t lost him. It reminds me of their first backhug because just like then it’s such an unguarded moment, and it’s only in moments like this when Tharn can’t see his face that Type allows himself to show openly how much he loves and enjoys everything Tharn does to him - his sweet words and confession, the gentleness, kisses, the cuddling,...because whatever Tharn does to Type everything feels good. Embracing, smiling and bantering like that together, they are the picture of two people very much in love.

There is a rare, silent moment when Type drops his mask of bravado and pride and becomes achingly gentle with Tharn when he goes down to his knees next to Tharn and looks at him with open love, soothing his worried, sad face with a caress. It proves that he can be impossibly caring and loving if he allows himself to and that a part of him suffers and can’t bear when Tharn is in pain. 

THIS IS THE ULTIMATE LOVE CONFESSION! Tharn literally prostrates himself in the name of his love for Type, KNEELING AT HIS FEET. He gives everything to his lover and it never ceases to amaze me how much he still has to give and keeps giving. Tharn is watching and kissing Type with such reverence in what is basically a worship of body and soul, including the ground he walks upon, of the highest order that even gods in heaven must envy it. 

When Tharn kisses Type’s ankle he’s basically telling him that he loves everything about him, every single part of him, including his best and worst because without the worst Type wouldn’t be the person he is and Tharn loves him this completely and unconditionally. And the moment he tells Type that he is HIS casual lovers, he’s basically giving himself to Type - heart, body and soul.