#THE LOST ELF THEME HAS ME HOLLERING

[go-bonkers-go-foolish]

highlights of starkid’s black friday part two

here we go boys

i’m gonna be real the first time i watched this i had no fucking clue what was happening for a solid two and a half minutes

shoutout to whoever choreographed this because i love it

THIS MAN’S NAME IS CHRISTOPHER KRINGLE

robert’s inflection combined with the exaggerated hand gestures is the single funniest thing i’ve ever seen

THE ELVES’ NAMES ARE JINGLE AND JANGLE I’M GONNA CRY

i would pay so much money to see this movie

“thaaaaaaaaat’s right :^)”

the love interest’s name is NOELLE bitch i’m hollering

how does lauren look so adorable in that stupid elf costume??

these lyrics are fucking gold man

joey’s literally just vibin

P A S S  C H R I S  K R I N G L E  T H E  B A L L 

santa’s gonna Reconnect With The Teens™

“becky look!!! remember when we carved that?” “yeah...it’s...a penis” “eyyy”

becky’s monologue about her ex-husband...fuck dude

“it’s funny. stanley was the one who made me go to nursing school. that’s how i knew where his femoral artery was.” HOLY SHIT

“you say you killed your family. i hope i killed mine.” D U D E 

Take Me Back absolutely made me break down dude i’m still crying

“if the universe is infinite, then it’s definite, there’s an alternate reality where we’re now a family.”

“if you’re really santa, tell me something only santa would know” GDGJHSLJHSGK

“i knew it. i knew you weren’t santa” WHEN DID THIS BECOME THE CONFLICT I NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE

“........a red tricycle.” “santa!!!!!!!!!!” (passionate tongue kissing)

so we all agree that wilbur cross is uncle wiley, right

“in short, mr. president, we are trying to stop the birth....of a god.” what a raw line

“If We Have Faith, We Will Be Rewarded With A Cuddly Toy” -the homeless dude, who i’m pretty sure has just been vibin this whole time

god i kind of want a wiggly now

the audience losing their minds at linda being the supreme cult mother

 “please, for the love of god, just let me go.” “oh, i’ve met god. he had nothing nice to say about you.” (THROAT SLASH) 

FUCKIN RAW LINE RIGHT THERE

linda: “you willlllll adoooooore me....” my dumbass, already in love: ok

“unless i get what i- shit it’s gerald”

YES MAAM LIFT THAT LAUREN LOPEZ UP LIKE JESUS

h i p  t h r u s t

hmm i dont like new ethan

wiggly: “hello hannah. let’s be pally-wals.”  me, with a water gun full of holy water: dont try it demon

the way he says “rotten little banana” is terrifying

“i’m going to have to peel you. i’m going to split you in two. i’m going to Eat you, hannah.” WHAT the fuck

hannah’s scream when wiggly threatens her?? chilling

god someone protect this kid

uh yeah Do You Want To Play is genuinely one of the scariest songs i’ve ever heard from a starkid musical, or pretty much any musical. like, this sweet nurse who waited hours in the freezing cold to get a toy for a little girl who lost her sight is about to viciously murder an eleven-year-old in cold blood because of wiggly.

so, theory time. becky’s a nurse. i dont think that even in her altered state she would miss hannah entirely and accidentally inject it into her own leg. but hannah was wearing the hat. i think ethan was right, it protected her.

joey is scaring me but also giving me some very sexy energy that i’m not opposed to

“Only in america could wiggly take root! Hold this”

“WHEN YOU’RE MADE IN AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAA” fuck yeah!!!!!

“i’m going to cut open your belly-well, and deck the halls with your gutsy-wutsies...” JESUS CHRIST

shoutout to macnamara for literally everything, he’s doing great

can you IMAGINE being president goodman here. like you just found out you’ve killed millions of innocent people and the world is probably going to end in the next hour or so and there’s nothing left to do and all the while this demonic entity is baby-talking to you and laughing that terrifying laugh? yeah, i’d go insane too.

curt mega’s acting is top notch here, dude, he actually scared me

also what the FUCK was that last wiggly laugh

“you better not be fucking with me.....” uh hey sherman i’ll give you five (5) dollars to stop that

“there’s something that’s beautiful, being awake for my funeral” fuck

“still, i thought that angels did exist, but now i hope they plan to end it quick, ‘cause friday is black for me, only my ashes will see the sea” i gotta sit down for a while

“I’m authorizing you to use my firearm.” F U C K  Y E A H

theory: macnamara is hannah’s father (and maybe lex’s) since they can both see into/communicate with the black and white

MONSTERS AND MEN REPRISE

oh my god tim never said he wanted a wiggly oh god oh fuck

“kids don’t want that piece of shit! they’re all into fortnite, dude!” 

If I Fail You also made me cry i’m very emotional over this musical

“answer me, or I’ll open your mouth with my FUCKING KNIFE!” JESUS CHRIST LAUREN

i love that wiggly’s theme is carol of the bells

“look at you! you’re paralyzed with fear!” “no. i’m just lining up my shot.” FUCK YEAH

“you have two choices: abandon your god or burn here with him” this dialogue is so fuckin powerful dude

yeah so all of them burning alive freaked me out but what a way to end a cult

“you know, i have this kooky reclusive biology professor...” when i tell you i YELLED

“wear a watch.” AHHHHHH

what an ending.

anyway stan starkid goodnight

part one

[heroineimages]

Small-Town AU

So I ran across another Korra AU I wrote part of a scene for and decided to finish it last night. It’s kind of a small-town/roommates AU with Asami as the new girl in town. Basically, Ikki ships Korra and Asami from the start and gets pretty insistent about them getting together. If her exuberance comes across as a little annoying, I’m okay with that. But if she gets obnoxious, let me know, and I’ll tone it back. Feedback welcome. 

“Headed your way,” Asami texted as she shouldered her carry-on bag and made her way through the airport terminal.

“OMG cant wait 2 meet u!” came Ikki’s reply. “U want coffee?”

“Sure,” she texted back, “iced chi latte.”

“Cool, c u soon!”

Asami smiled as she slipped her phone back into the pocket of her blouse. Off and on for about a week now, she’d been texting back and forth with her new landlord Tenzin and his daughter Ikki. Tenzin and his family had already been incredibly welcoming, but Ikki was the one who seemed the most enthusiastic. Though, Asami was quickly learning that Ikki was enthusiastic about pretty much everything.

This was it, she kept telling herself—a chance to start over. She was escaping the mess that her father had made of her life. She was escaping the financial backlash, the hate, and the death threats that came with his crimes and mistakes. She was escaping the professional nightmare that her career became in the wake of accusations that she’d been involved in her father’s fraud and embezzlement charges. And she was escaping her ex and other fair-weather friends who’d bailed as soon as things got tough for her. Asami was putting all of that behind her. This was a new start in a new town on the opposite end of the country. She was someplace where no one knew or cared who she was or who her father was and wouldn’t judge her for that.

Granted, she smiled to herself, teaching Business Communications and Introduction to Mechanical Engineering courses at a community college in the unlikely named central-Washington town of Republic City was a criminal waste of her talents.

But at least she was free.

A bizarre sight awaited Asami as she stepped off the escalator leading to the pick-up and drop-off area. A sixteen-year-old girl held a sign over her head with Asami’s name on it, dancing to whatever song was playing on her iPod. The girl had dark brown-hair with dark-purple forelocks framing her elf-like face. She wore a rainbow bracelet, R2-D2 earrings, jeans, and a black tee-shirt that read, “Tell your mom thanks for breakfast.” Other people around gave the girl strange looks and a wide berth.

“Hi, I’m Asami,” Asami greeted, smiling and extending her hand as she approached. “You must be Ikki. It’s lovely to finally meet you.”

Ikki’s eyes widened as she looked up at Asami and removed her ear buds.

“Oh my god, you’re so pretty!” she squealed, rushing past Asami’s hand to hug her. Asami frowned and awkwardly patted Ikki’s back.

“Thanks. I’m… glad you think so…” Asami trailed off, looking down at Ikki’s head pressed against her shoulder.

“Will you be Korra’s girlfriend?” Ikki blurted, looking up at her.

“What?” Asami frowned again.

“Will you please be Korra’s girlfriend?” Ikki begged, stepping back and looking genuinely panicked that Asami might say no. She took Asami’s right hand in both of hers and looked up pleadingly. “Korra, your new roommate—I think my dad, Tenzin, told you about her—she’s getting us coffee right now. I really, really, think you should be her new girlfriend. She’s so pretty and nice and amazing and you’re pretty and nice and amazing, too. She’s my best friend ever, and I love her so much, and I really want her to find a girlfriend who’s as amazing and pretty as she is. So please will you be her girlfriend?”

“Well, I haven’t even met Korra yet, so it’s hard to say,” Asami answered, trying to placate her. “But since Korra and I will be living together, I’m sure I’ll have plenty of chances to get to know her better. We’ll see how things develop, alright?”

“Well, okay, but please, please consider it,” Ikki urged. She grabbed Asami’s right hand and dragged her across the terminal. “Korra went this way to get our coffee. Let’s go find her so you can fall in love at first sight and play videogames together and fall asleep on the couch and get married and make out in the hot tub and–and oh my god,” she turned around excitedly, walking backward and pulling Asami with her. “Just think of how cute your babies will be!”

Asami wasn’t sure whether or not to laugh. “Um, if we’re both girls we can’t exactly—”

“No, false,” Ikki insisted, turning back around. “They are working on that technology!”

“If you say so,” Asami chuckled in spite of herself at Ikki’s determination. A few passersby gave them puzzled looks. Asami didn’t really blame them.

“There’s my trusty sidekick!” Ikki declared as they neared the airport’s cute little cabin-themed coffeehouse. “See, that’s Korra,” she pointed to a woman around Asami’s age, leaving the coffee place with a recyclable drinks tray. “Isn’t she pretty?” Ikki whispered loudly to Asami. “Did ya fall in love yet? Huh? Are ya ready to show Korra the magic of romance?”

Asami had to admit that Korra was kind of hot. Athletic and fairly muscular, she wore a light-blue tank top and dark-blue work jeans with a Seattle Mariners baseball cap over short, dark hair.

“What’s that about the ‘magic of romance’?” Korra asked as she walked up, extending her free hand. “Hey, I’m Korra,” she greeted. “You must be Asami.”

“Lovely to meet you,” Asami smiled, releasing Ikki’s hand to accept Korra’s. “This little one’s been really selling you up for the last few minutes.”

“Isn’t she pretty, Korra?” Ikki insisted as Korra handed out drinks. Ikki had what looked like either a raspberry or cherry Italian soda while Korra’s latté smelled of caramel. “You two should totally be girlfriends and get married!” Ikki gushed.

Asami somehow managed not to choke on her latté.

“Ikki!” Korra scolded, frowning.

“It’s alright,” Asami assured her. “I’m sure Ikki tries to set you up with every pretty girl you meet.”

“Actually, no, this isn’t like her,” Korra said, scowling thoughtfully at her young friend. “Normally she’s super critical of anyone I take an interest in.”

“That’s because none of them were Asami!” Ikki insisted. “I mean, look at her.” She gestured to Asami with both hands, glaring as if Korra was the most clueless person on Earth.

“I mean, I suppose she has a point,” Asami added, mostly to cut through the awkwardness.

“Yeah,” Korra admitted, scratching at the back of her head. “You are super pretty.”

“Thanks, so are you,” Asami smiled back. She learned in that moment that Korra had a very lovely blush.

“Yes! Oh, my god, you two are so freaking cute!” Ikki squeaked.

“We should probably go get the rest of your luggage,” Korra suggested, still looking sheepish. “Luggage pickup is this way.”

“Lead on,” Asami smiled, rather enjoying watching Korra’s back.

“Those two matching dark-grey suitcases,” Asami pointed them out on the turntable when they arrived at pickup minutes later.

“Got ‘em,” Korra assured her, stepping over and picking up one in each hand. “Oh, these aren’t as heavy as I’d expected,” she frowned, sounding disappointed at how easily lifted them off the conveyor.

“Hehe, can’t show off as well that way?” Ikki asked, smirking bigger. “Not as much of a gun show as you were expecting.”

“I only needed clothes for two or three days until the movers bring the rest of my stuff,” Asami assured them. “Tenzin said you had an air mattress I could use until my bed gets here.”

“Yeah, it’s already set up in the living room, but we can move it, easily,” Korra said, leading the way through the automatic doors.

“We had Opal and Jinora over to watch all of the Toy Story movies the other night,” Ikki explained, skipping through the doors behind Korra. “Oh, I know! We should totally have them over again next weekend, but with Asami. And we can move the couch and recliners together and use some blankets to make a fort. And we can make popcorn and brownies and cocoa. And we can watch Return of the Jedi or Return of the King or maybe have a Mario Kart tournament instead! Or we can—”

“Alright, I get it, loquacious one,” Korra laughed.

“Does… Ikki live there, too?” Asami frowned as she followed them into the parking garage.  

Korra laughed again. “It almost seems that way, sometimes,” she agreed. “It’s about a ten-minute walk and a four-minute bike ride from our place to her family’s. She comes over regularly and tries to stay the night every chance she gets.”

“You’re way cooler than my sister and brothers,” Ikki shrugged, skipping to a halt beside a navy-blue ’67 Mustang Hardtop. “Shotgun!” she hollered, running around to the passenger door and trying to open it despite it being locked. “Open the door, Korra!”

“I’ll get right on that,” Korra answered, setting down one suitcase. She held her keys up and made a passable imitation of a keyless-entry noise while pushing the nonexistent unlock button.

“Still didn’t work,” Ikki informed her, still fiddling with the door handle.

Asami chuckled as Korra shook her head and unlocked the trunk on the Mustang. The trunk honestly looked too small for her suitcases, but Korra fit both in without issue. The Mustang intrigued Asami. It was in good condition, but not perfect condition—a few minor scratches and dents and a paint job that was at least twenty years old. It was a six-speed manual transmission as well, and Asami was pretty sure she remembered the base-model ‘60’s Mustangs all having automatics. And the stereo with CD player and MP3 hookup definitely wasn’t original.

“Sweet ride,” she commented as Korra shut the trunk.

“Thanks, though it’s technically my dad’s,” Korra said, leaning against the bumper. “Grandpa had one just like it back when Dad was a kid. Dad was about seventeen when my uncle wrecked it—lost control on an icy road and wrapped it around a power pole. Uncle was fine, but I guess losing that car broke Grandpa’s heart more than he let on. Dad bought and fixed up this one for Grandpa for his sixtieth birthday, then inherited it back when Grandpa died a few years later. I drive it now because Dad’s too tall to fit comfortably in the driver’s seat.”

“Hey!” an impatient voice piped up before Asami could reply. “You gonna unlock this or not?”

Korra chuckled and shook her head again as she circled to the passenger side. “You’re in the back, Ikki,” Korra told her as she opened the door. “I don’t care that you called ‘shotgun.’”

“Ugh, but there’s no leg room back there,” Ikki protested.

“Exactly, and Asami’s got a lot more leg to find room for,” Korra pointed out.

Ikki turned and looked at Asami’s knee-length skirt. “Yeah, fair point,” Ikki decided, turning back to Korra. “But I’m only doing this because I believe in the preservation of rare and priceless works of art,” she added as she climbed in the back seat.

“Set this in the seat beside you, Ikki?” Asami asked, handing her carry-on bag back behind the seat.

“Got it,” Ikki said, taking the bag. She made a show of buckling a seatbelt around it.

“Oh, thanks,” Asami raised her brows as Korra extended a hand to help her into the car. “What a gentlewoman.” The seats weren’t as comfortable as Asami was used to, but there was a ruggedness to the old Mustang that she found appealing.

“What kinds of music do you like, Asami?” Korra asked, sitting in the driver’s seat and plugging her smart phone into the MP3 hookup.

“Most kinds,” Asami shrugged. “I’ve got songs and artists I like and don’t like in most genres.”

“Here,” Korra offered, handing Asami the smart phone. “I’ve got a couple-dozen playlists, so take your pick.”

Asami skimmed the playlist titles as Korra started the car and backed out of her parking spot. Korra indeed had a diverse set of playlists. One was labeled “Celtic Rock,” another “Outlaw Country,” another for “Classic Rock,” and another for “Gaming Soundtracks.” Other lists were titled after activities, such as “Roadtrip Tunes” or “Workout Tunes” or “Reading Music.” Yet others were named after people she knew, such as “Dad Tunes,” “Bolin Jams,” or “Ikki Songs.”

“Do I dare ask what ‘Ikki Songs’ consists of?” Asami asked, largely to get to know her two new friends better.

“Oh, yeah!” Ikki insisted. “We totally have to play my list!”

“It’s about a two-and-a-half-hour drive,” Korra admitted. “So there’s time to play a decent chunk of it.”

“What kind of songs are on it?” Asami asked while Korra pulled out of the parking garage.

“Love songs, mostly,” Korra shrugged, “and from lots of different genres.”

“But there’s a theme to them,” Ikki said. “See if you can guess what it is. And you have to sing along to all the ones you know. It’s the rules.”

“Alright, I’ll try it,” Asami decided, pressing the playlist.

The first song was the Monkees’ “I’m a Believer.” Though she knew most of the words, Asami just listened to Ikki and Korra belt out the lyrics. Korra in particular had kind of a pleasant singing voice, and both of them bobbed their heads about as they sang.

The next song was Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight,” followed by Garth Brooks’s “That Summer.” Asami continued to just listen as she pondered what theme they had in common. Her first clue came during Janis Joplin’s rendition of “Me and Bobby McGee,” when Ikki and Korra both sang “I let her slip away,” instead of him. Asami felt her lip twist as she pondered the implications.

The next song was “The Star of the County Down,” by an Irish folk band Asami wasn’t familiar with. But during Chris Ledoux’s “Look at You, Girl,” she noted a change in the lyrics again during the chorus when both her new friends sang “I’m an ordinary gal” instead of “ordinary man.”

Asami laughed as she realized Ikki and Korra weren’t actually singing the songs themselves, they were singing lesbian covers of the songs. She didn’t know the words to Sinatra’s “You Make Me Feel so Young,” but the next song on the list was Neil Diamond’s “Girl, You’ll be a Woman Soon.”

Grinning and taking a chance, Asami joined in the song, belting the lyrics with them. When the song got to the line “He’s not your kind,” she replaced “he” with “she” right on cue. Ikki cheered, and Korra laughed and gave Asami a quick high-five.

The stories these songs told became so much more fun and interesting when sung this way, Asami decided. When Brad Paisley’s “Mud on the Tires” came on, Asami laughed, visualizing two lesbian cowgirls bouncing around in a new Chevy 4X4. Dean Martin’s “Standin’ on the Corner” became a story of a shy girl fantasizing about the pretty girls she saw walking about. Ray Kennedy’s “What a Way to Go” was instead about a humorous, self-deprecating butch sitting in a bar, laughing about her failed romances.

And Jennifer Saunders’s cover of “I Need a Hero” became the more fun—if slightly awkward to sing—“I Need a Heroine.” Instead of a “streetwise Hercules” it was a “streetwise Amazon” fighting the rising odds, and a super-girl sweeping her off her feet.

Asami spent most of the drive laughing or singing along to the songs that she knew. It was such a silly, geeky little game, and she wondered how Korra and Ikki came up with the idea. Asami honestly couldn’t recall when she’d ever had more fun hanging out with two other girls.

She decided that she really liked these two weirdos.