#THE LORE WAS THERE TO DISTRACT FROM THE ADDICTION

[nathaniacolver]

"but isn't arcane based off of leagu-" SHH. listen closely. i'm speaking from experience.

i am a league of legends survivor ('12-'15) and an arcane enthusiast (current). trust me on this.

(this is the meme to show all your friends who only know one or the other)

(except maybe not the ones who ACTIVELY play league........yeah........uh, maybe just leave them be until they snap out of it)

[fawnnlvr]

quiet support | spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid x catvalentine!reader

masterlist

summary: in which spencer reid realizes that he does in fact have one supporter in his journey with dealing with his addiction to dilaudid

word count: 2.3k

warning: addiction, kidnapping, all the themes of criminal minds, and cat valentine lore

author's note: i just really wanted to write a story where spencer reid had at least somebody to support him through his addiction. what better person than a girl who had been through it herself and is the type of person to offer unconditional love to those around me. pre-lobotomy cat is always in my mind

You had joined the BAU right after the a tragedy had struck the entire unit. Their number one prodigy was one the verge of dying after being kidnapped and tortured by an unsub. Although Spencer Reid was able to get some time off after the whole ordeal, he didn't fully use his time as he wanted his job to give him a sort of distraction from his racing thoughts. He wanted things to go back to normal.

Emily Prentiss had also joined right after you; the two of you creating big changes to a unit that is already on edge. When you accepted the position as the assistant, you would've never imagined you would've been assigned to the most psychologically grueling unit but that's just the way things go and it was times like this where you felt it was somewhat fate.

You recognized the signs. The agitation, those around getting worried about your behavior, the concerning gazes, the increased aggressive behavior, and the distracted mind. It was something you knew all too well.

Although you hadn't been apart of the team for long, it bothered you that everybody seemed to turn a blind eye. They were profilers weren't they? They could see what was happening? Even your high school friends had noticed quickly despite only really seeing each other during school days. The unit spent the most time together so how could they not say something?

Really, it wasn't your place to intervene since you were barely apart of the group. You mainly worked with JJ and contact was limited except for the occasional greetings and helping JJ with the briefings.

One day, you noticed Spencer get up from his desk and make his way to the bathroom, agitation clear on his face. You followed and waited outside, a neatly printed out photo and a staple in your hand as you stapled the paper on the wall. It was a support group with information on where and when it takes place.

You heard him coming out, "Oh my what a nice poster to help people!" you never were a good person to lie when it came to hidden intentions. You looked behind when the door opened and it was not Spencer Reid but another agent, "Oh hello, Agent Anderson. How's your day?"

Anderson lit up at the question and happily told you about it while you just nodded your head, nervously keeping an eye out for Spencer. The bathroom door opened once again and Spencer had zoomed pass the two and towards his desk. After Anderson finished his rant, you smiled and sighed when he left.

First attempt was a fail, but you weren't going to give up.

You came into work early the next day, and lingered around the coffee bar, waiting for Spencer to get his daily morning coffee at the exact time he always did.

"Hi Spencer!" you waved and he smiled and greeted your back, "10 sugars as usual?"

He nodded and this was your chance. You pulled out a pack of gum and started to unravel it. You wanted to show him a small alternative to whatever he was addicted to. Curiosity always got the best of Spencer as he loved to ramble about random things. "Whats that?"

"Gum! I like to chew on it whenever I'm craving something else."

"What would you be craving?"

"You know. The usual, but I think the sugars in this gum can really distract a person."

"Like nicotine gum?"

Your head snapped towards him, eyes narrowing as if he had told you highly classified information, "Of course not. I've never been addicted to nicotine. What are you trying to say?"

Spencer was taken aback by your sudden defensiveness and it seemed you were as well. An awkward laugh left you as you tucked a hair strand behind your hair, "I think I am going to start work now. Bye Doctor."

Okay so that did not go the way you had hoped so. Nicotine was a touchy subject for you as it had turned out, the British snack, bibble, you were so addicted too, had traces of it in the factory that seeped into the sweet snack. After it was banned, only then did you realize that you had a serious problem.

However, what you didn't know at that time was that a wheel sort of turned in Spencer's head. The next couple of days, you figured it was time to step back and reflect. Aggressively chewing your pink gum, you tried to calm yourself down to reflect on your defensiveness. Seeing a therapist had really helped you process your emotions and psychological issues, which you learned had nothing to do with your dyed red hair. The gum was in no way nicotine gum, as you slowly weened off of it long ago but still needed that chewing fixation.

You spun around in your chair at your desk that was next to JJ's. She was going through the case files and you just finished communicating with police precincts in New York.

A knock on the door brought you out of your daze. Your head looked towards who it could be and there was Spencer Reid, a nervous smile on his face as he opened the glass door.

"Hey. Sorry JJ, can I borrow [Name]?"

JJ had this smile on her face as she looked between you and Reid, "Go ahead."

You quickly stopped chewing your gum, grabbed the small trash can by your desk and leaned down to peacefully spit out the gum away from the public's view. The gum sticks were still in your pocket as you followed Spencer out the office.

Spencer noticed that you were unusually quiet, possibly thinking the same as he was. He led you towards a more quieter, private section of Quantico: their case file room.

"What did you need Doctor?" you tried to feign a normal tone but you would've needed to do more to fool a profiler. The two of you sat on a bench that was placed for those who had to search for hours.

"I know what you've been doing."

"What?" You dragged on the last syllable in a higher octave.

"I know it was you who put up those support group posters by the men's bathroom, inside the men's bathroom, the elevator, and in the lobby cork board." You tried to interupt and defend yourself, "I saw the pink double-sided tape and you used the same design for each one."

That last part quickly caused you to shut your lips, "Sorry." you quietly stated and your head hung Iow.

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize. I just wanted to thank you. I actually did check out when of the groups yesterday and it felt nice to open up to other people."

You turned to him and moved closer even though the bench was already quite cramped, "You did? How did we not see each other?"

"You went?"

"Yeah well I sort of kinda volunteer to help arrange it during my free time since it was groups like that that helped me."

"I went to the one at night."

"Oh! Yeah that's probably why." You smiled and moved away.

"I do want to ask, but I don't want to sound too intruding seeing as what happened at the coffee bar."

"Sorry for being defensive. I'm trying to work on that but ask me whatever you want Spencer! I promise I will be open to anything."

"Well I assume that you too were also addicted to something." he carefully worded his words, "How long was it till you felt like you didn't think about using it again."

For once, you really looked deep in thought. Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to formulate your thoughts of this seven year long battle. "Well, I'm not sure I can tell you. When I was 16, I was addicted to this British snack called bibble."

"Wasn't there a big case for that with the FDA?"

"Yes. They were adding nicotine to make it more addictive, but the damage was already done by the time it was sent to the world. I had three giant stashes in my room and it would be the only thing I ate. Even after the stash was gone because my friends threw it away, I couldn't stop thinking about it and constantly craved it. The drawbacks were the worse and it took a lot for me to not buy nicotine products to fill the void."

"How did you resist?"

"I had people who cared for me. Enough to go to my house and take away any traces of bibble. Enough to research how to try and ween me off of it. Enough to buy me nicotine gum and other candies to fill the void. Enough to not go away even after I almost fought them. And enough to give me strength to recover and continue to choose recovering."

That is probably the sweetest and most nondisturbing story he had ever heard from you.

"They also handcuffed me to a recovered addict when they first found out to stop me from buying bibble."

And there it was.

"He was really a nice man and we made a promise to stop eating bibble or use any nicotine products. I still keep in contact with him whenever we get cravings and need support."

You then turned to Spencer and placed your hand on top of his, "I really didn't want to try and intrude since I am new to this team but you really reminded me a lot of myself and I just wanted you to know that you have a supporter. It really is a tough journey and I probably wouldnt be here if I didnt have people who helped me and I dont want you to turn into a version of what could have been me."

'You have a supporter' Those words replayed in Spencer's mind. He looked into your eyes, this warm feeling in his chest as he looked at the resolve in your eyes.

The two of you stayed silent for a while; a comfortable silence yet unspoken words lingered over his head. He glanced towards you; you simply had this smile of relief on your face, happy you got that off your chest, but you still felt a little worried and nervous. Almost as if you were unsure of what would happen now.

"When I first got kidnapped, I remembered thinking that this would have been the end. The unsub had a split personality and one part of him tried saving me in this deluded way through injecting me with a hallucigen."

You knew about the kidnapping but you were never sure about what exactly he went through during that time.

"In a messed up way, I would say that it saved me from what I was experiencing. The more he injected me with, the more that I felt the most calm I had ever felt in my entire life and it made me chase that feeling. When Hotch and the others found me, I—"

Spencer had to pause. He never really imagined he'd recount this story aloud, let alone to the a new agent he met less than a month again. Your hand found it's way back to his, rubbing your thumb to provide a sense of comfort.

"I ended up taking some with me when all was said and done and its still —" he spoke slowly and he could feel his voice crack. This was a smile side of vulnerability he wasn't even sure he had in him. He barely had the courage to look you in the eye as he retold it to you, but felt it was necessary after you shared yours.

Spencer did not have to say anything more before you gently took you hand off of his and wrapped your arms around him. One hand found the back of his head as you caressed his hair and he melted into you. It has been a while since he got a hug. The last one probably got was from Hotch when he found him in the graveyard but he initiated it. The last time anyone had initiated a hug with him was right before Elle Greenaway had left.

You gave a good hug, Spencer deduced as he practically melted into your gentle touch. He did not mind any germs at this time as all he needed right now was the support he longed for from those around him.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Spencer. You are so so so strong. Thank you for trusting me."

He wasn't sure how long he had stayed in your arms or how much time had passed since the two of you had entered the file room, but he was so glad that he went to talk to you. It truly was you who gave him the strength through your quiet unconditional support despite only knowing him for a month and only knowing this side of him.

The first rule of giving a hug is to never pull away first and that's a rule of life that you abide by. It was Spencer who pulled away from the hug and you simply stayed close to him. He wasn't sure where this journey will lead him and he couldn't estimate the difficulty either, but with you by his side to support him, he knew it would be okay.

But of course, even after these sweet moments, you would never change your surprising nature. "Shall I handcuff us together now?"

Spencer just smiled, happy you are still your jolly self and gently let you down with a small shake of his head.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Can’t sleep and trying to distract myself from my feelings so I’m gonna list a bunch of weird elder scrolls lore that I know

The empire has a prostitutes guild. You can’t hire anyone from the prostitutes guild in any of the games as far as I know but the last time they were alluded to was in Morrowind in the house of earthly delights. So the prostitutes of Tamriel are canonically unionized.

There’s an intelligent race of frost giants that mainly live on boats. Where did these boats come from? Did they evolve to survive on boats? Unclear.

People can canonically get addicted to sweet rolls. There’s songs about it in the elder scrolls online. You can only read the songs though. I don’t think anybody sings them.

In Morrowind people eat basically giant insect eggs

Khajiit put moon sugar in basically all of their food. Moon sugar is a psychoactive substance. It is also quite sweet.

The Redguards used to have warriors who could make swords with their minds

It’s illegal to levitate in the empire. This was made to explain why levitation spells were removed in oblivion. Though the ban supposedly took effect before the events of the previous game. There’s a reason Bethesda writes these games to be full of unreliable narrators. To cover their asses. And it works I’ll give them that.

Unicorns exist. They were invented by the Daedric god of hunting Hircine to be a challenge to hunt. They are not gentle and holy creatures. They can kick your ass. You can hunt one in oblivion. Just the one.

Orcs are like really into aphrodisiacs

[libbytwq]

merry christmas!!! (2024)

So, it's Christmas. Normally I never make this type of Christmas special, normally because every year I usually have no one in specific online to be grateful for, aside from my followers. But these past 5 months, my life has truly changed, and i finally have people I want to wish a genuine Merry Christmas to. So here is a gift for those wonderful people.

And thats not all, I'm not just gonna make a cute lil gift and not explain why I love these people!

APPRECIATION GO! 💥

SMG8 // @strange0-0storm -- STORM!! I know we rarely interact, but everytime we do, it's an absolute treat. I love seeing your art, the stuff you make is so awesome and fun to look at, and talking about goofy shit is so much fun. I look up to you a lot and I want to interact with you a lot more. SMG8 was one of the first ever SMG4 OCs I've ever gotten myself familiar with, he's such a silly man and I want to punt him, I love your stuff sm, stay cool 💥

Mango // @its-a-me-mango -- MANGO!! I've always been a massive fan of your art since I was first getting myself familiar with the SMG4 Tumblr community, because of your artstyle and the goofy jokes and silly stuff, but since joining the TSB discord server and interacting with you, I think you are even cooler. Our interactions are so incredibly goofy and I love every single time you appear on VCs. Our sense of humor almost feels like it clicks and everytime we make jokes I be cackling, to the point I sometimes get distracted from what I'm working on... but hey its okay because we're all silly here :3 i love your stuff sm man and i think ur an absolute vibe keep doing that forever and ever

N4 // @bluesbox -- BLUE!! It is so much fun interacting with you about theories and stuff!! And hearing you yap abt N4 lore is so fun and cool.... im INVESTED....... Yappin with you about goofy lil theory stuff is an absolute treat and i love interacting with you sm guh h,, we are the SCHEMERS......

TSB // @tiredsmashbros -- TOMM!! you...... YOU..... I WOULDNT BE FRIENDS WITH ANY OF THESE PEOPLE IF YOU DIDNT EXIST.... i look up to you like crazy and the fact that i can call you a friend is still batshit insane to me....interacting with you and joining your server has in fact changed my life for the better and i am not the same person i was before your 1k birthday party.... you are a huge inspiration to me and your lore is impeccable bUT DUDE I WANT ANSWERS, the TSB lore has me invested and i wanna know whats goin on im gonna..... GSHDJFNF IM GONNA GETTT Y /silly /pos dude your are so crazy awesome i love vibin with you n being silly all the time. qwah puh 💥

Neo // @neo91502 -- NEO!! You were one of the first people i bonded with in the server, and for that i think you are incredibly awesome, i love your art and everything you draw they always look so super cool and awesome and wa h,, i love your stuff sm but man you gotta handle your addiction to tsmg4 and long haired smg4 its gonna be a problem if you cant get it under control /silly YOU ARE SO AWESOME AND FUN I LOVE YAPPING WITH YOU RAAAGH

Hexsy // @nxva-blogz -- NXVA!! sigh..... i GUESS i have to include you.... for the sake of the hexore...... /j /silly you are so crazy and interacting with you is sm fun ill be completely honest. The hexsy lore is so so neat and i love your art sm guh,, I love vibing with you and being silly you are such a goofy ahh individual and you bring a lot of joy hehehehe explodes y

And now, there were a few other people I really wanted to fit on the couch, but couldn't because I burnt tf out. So heres me showing appreciation to those people too!

@knightedmares -- MY TWIN!! KNIGHTMARE KNIGHTMARE KNIGHTMARE!! We have so much in common and we just be vibin everytime you show up. I love your oc Trick sm and i love vibing with you guh

@rmgkyle -- KYLE!!! you feed me everyday and i appreciate it very very much. You are so incredibly goofy and i love RMG from the bottom of my heart and you are so insane but i love that WEE

@mikchi8 -- mikchi you are a menace to the server and i am very scared of you,, but thats ok cuz you are very silly and i love vibin with you /pos

@kittykibbl -- Kitty i LOVE your various AUs a ton and you were one of the first people i interacted with online, from one of the first WOTWs, and i still love your stuff a ton and interacting with you is a lot of fun yippe

Merry Christmas everybody!!

- Lore, libbytwq

[mistressmalicer]

i was gonna wait til i had my Sadness, Joy and Anxiety drawn to post this but im impatient!!!

ive seen some people designing their own personal versions of the emotions so im gonna do that!!! This is my personal Ennui 💜 she has a bit more Lore that ill throw beneath a cut :)

Ennui is typically inebriated with a marijuana - type substance, as a distraction from her chronic and crushing sense of apathy and emptiness. She was introduced early in life, and in Joy's opinion, WAY too early. She has a contentious yet cordial relationship with Joy, who she replaced as emotion leader at a young age. A lot was happening in those days, too much for a child to handle, so a large degree of detachment was needed to handle it. However, her early pairing with Sadness and Anxiety thanks to a rough childhood created a dynamic that pushed Joy almost completely out of the way, and Ennui became the unwitting spearhead of a developing borderline personality disorder. Taking on a lot of these effects, she is often very apathetic and unenthusiastic, still addicted to her phone but also using more adult means of distraction ( smoking, drinking ) . They are responsible for massive early memory loss ; this was something they and Joy begrudgingly agreed on in an attempt to salvage the Sense of Self when trauma became an overwhelming issue in the teen years. Joy still has never forgiven them for this act, even if it was deemed necessary... Mostly because most of those early memories are the ones when Joy was still the leader, for the brief time she was able to be.

They have a very aloof and unapproachable personality, with morbid ideals and questionable self worth that directly effects the person they care for. They refuse to step down after nearly 20+ years of being the leader, and not that they want to be, but because they believe everything will crumble without their hand on the wheel. She has a romantic relationship with Sadness, who is equally too involved in the emotional state of their host. The two of them create a very prominent joint component of the borderline personality disorder, even if they don't mean to -- they have known and worked with each other for nearly their entire lives, so it only made sense that they would become so close. Unbeknownst to most others, she deals with passive suicidal ideation, and thinks about it as often as she breathes, but tells no one, believing that talking about how she feels is a waste of time when she could just smoke and sleep it away.

She smells like nag champa incense and orchids, and she is represented by grunge fashion, and doom / sludge metal music.

[itheunknown]

dark matter - (00) the invisible protagonist

non-mc! reader x lads

masterlist / next

dark matter: an invisible and hypothetical form of matter that does not interact with light or other electromagnetic radiation.

all your life you’ve been running.

reality was too much yet too little.

too much to handle, too little fulfillment.

and so you ran.

you ran from reality, it was easier to live life through someone else, in a time in which everyone is meant to be a consumer, it was easy to find some form of escape from the world. it was better that way, you didn’t have to think too much, if not at all, just simple instructions and limited options.

it was easier, not having to be in control, to insert yourself into a manufactured narrative designed to bring you temporary emotions; and when it ended, you’d just jump to the next one. it didn’t matter that you did not live your own life, that required too much effort, too many factors out of your control, too much uncertainty.

you can’t recount much of anything you’ve consumed, just the remnants of what could be called experience on something you didn’t even actually go through coming in many forms: whether it was an anime series, a film, fake scenarios while listening to music, video games, books, fanfictions, youtube videos - whatever it may be.

as long as you didn’t have to confront your life for what it actually is, you were grateful for the endless amounts and various forms of escapism that gets pumped out by the market, you didn't care that it wasn't real.

you admit you’re weak-willed, it was just another form of addiction that you had succumbed to.

but it was fine, as long as there was a next option lined up so you could get away from reality until it finally ended, you didn’t care.

so, now that you’ve entered the world of your latest distraction from the real world, a game called love and deepspace in which you had been the perfect example of their target audience, forcing you to live a life that had no forms of escapism as you, the real you.

no predestined story, no remarkable past to continue from where it was left off, nothing. now you’re suddenly faced with something you had seeked to run away from your whole life by the very method meant to avoid it: living life, unplanned.

ok chat, im actually in shanghai rn and went to the astronomy museum (it was phenonmenal) and at one of the infographics, i saw the explanation on dark matter that was described as "an invisible protaganist" and i was like, that's a sign. warning tho: i do not play this game. what i have been is reading copious amounts of nonmc fanfics (i think stumbling across one of the most depressing tropes in fandoms im not even part of might be my hidden talent) and wanted to write my own intepreation on this trope :heh: sue me, lore police (/jk pls dont).

[extremely-nervess]

I would love to know more about morgan the vampire's lore (the black haired, eye scar one) if you would be open to share 🥺🫶🏻

Well, there's not too much.

All of the Morgans are the same character technically :) sorry if that got confusing, I was making a character for VTM, and she took some time to coalesce. In some ways she still is! Morgan's backstory is pretty dark and miserable, I feel self conscious writing it up >_< sorry, I'll give a short overview and if people really really want more detail I'll consider it I guess. Morgan was a bit of a strange person before the world ruined her, and she's much worse now. Twisted, a creep, a lunatic. - She grew up in an abusive home, and when she finally escaped that she was moved to an asylum, the typical, horror story kind where she suffered even further. - When she was around 18 she murdered one of the staff there, and she, and three other patients escaped. With help they got into a college/ bridging program for nursing, but Morgan couldn't manage very well in the real world and got heavily involved with drugs, both using them, and producing them to fund her addictions. - After being expelled she got further involved in the narcotics trade, and eventually became business partners with an ex-hitman. Much older than her, and a true professional. He helped straighten her out somewhat, at least, enough to get her off the opiates she was dependent on. - Morgan spent several years working as a fixer, of sorts. With the freedom to explore and grow a little she found herself to be quite technically capable, and soon branched out from cooking Molly to offering other services too - fake identities, explosives, even custom weapons and one off wet-work. - Morgan's embrace wasn't some romantic thing, nor a relationship cultivated with time and consideration. No, she's practically a Shovelhead, turned by a kindred fleeing the Second Inquisition as a distraction her first moments as a vampire were confusing, violent and painful. - She was staked, and has been kept on ice for several months now, along with a few other fledglings (Other coterie members) so she's very new to the vampire world. We've not really had a proper session yet, so that's where we are just about! Originally I wanted to play a mad scientist Tzimisce, and the labcoated Morgan was that, a similar backstory but a bit less of a loser, and an actual doctor. I just can't enjoy what they've done to the clan in v5 though, it hurts >_< so I left that. Morgan still has a lot of that villainess energy, even if she has less clear ends and means to achieve them. I hope she can find something to obsess over and do wicked deeds for during play, but we'll see!

[foxybouquet]

I have been reading fanfic for 30 years. Yup. I'm old. I've been reading it since same-sex romance fic was called "slash." Since before portmanteaus. Since AOL and dialup were the only options, and newsgroups were what Tumblr and Ao3 are, now.

Fanfic is so important to me. Reading about the inner and expanded lives of familiar characters that we don't get to see in their respective genres...it's so fulfilling. I've never had the gift of writing good fanfic, but I can recognize it as if there were a thing like "perfect fanfic pitch."

It was because of fanfic that my love for Copia deepened to the mad levels it is now. That I came around to enjoying the ghouls as much as I do. That I'm nearing a true addiction to Ghost lore.

And fanfic changes me and improves me. I don't find it any different than reading a book that transforms your life. I have grown, thanks to a lot of the fic I've read. I've deepened as a person, a woman and an artist. I've felt validation in my personal beliefs and morality (and immorality, heh heh).

This is all to say, thank you to the fanfic writers here who have had such a profound effect on my life. Thank you for sharing your incredible storytelling gift FOR FREE, for sweating over a plot twist here and a smutty scene there, just so we can all be distracted, moved, and transported away from this terrifying world in which we live, for a little bit. THANK YOU for all that you do, fic writers.

[penguinlop]

Yandere Alhaitham x Reader

/// Ignorance Is Bliss

Summary:

You discover that your new love, Alhaitham, secretly keeps a detailed knowledge capsule about you.

cw: GN reader, spoilers for alhaitham’s lore and sumeru archon quests, yandere themes, stalking, manipulation, implied not-sfw

Alhaitham knows better than anyone else that there's always a price to pay to enter the oasis of knowledge. 

Sanity is the ticket those desert sirens crave to check before you board. 

Enticing scrolls of information wrap around your waist and weary legs, dragging you toward the mirage of gilded wisdom. They dance around, heated faces burned from the whispers of sand. The glistening flow of cleansing texts and books containing forbidden, convoluted details tempts people's thirst. 

It's all for the enlightenment. An intoxicating euphoria of comprehension, to feel the ivory branches and leaves of Irminsul flood their senses. Perhaps it's the glory, that "aha!" moment people desire. They want to fatten their parched egos and satisfy that sinister appetite. They hunger to be better than everyone else by knowing and achieving more, by finding the Holy Grail first. 

Knowledge is the charmer; people are the sinful serpents. 

As with any personal research project for him, it started with discovering the topic of interest

Alhaitham prides himself on being a man with principles rooted in logic. Rationality is the key to clarity. Dreams are mere distractions. They are fanatical fantasies that the mind plays to taunt and deceive. The Sages endlessly speak of how emotions only get in the way of breaking the Samsara and reaching Nirvana. 

Perhaps the moon can only hope to achieve the greatness of the sun. 

That is why it was noon when he first laid eyes on you in the House of Daena.

You smelt of orange blossom.

How could he forget that contemplative look as you searched for yellowing books riddled with dust to pique your interest and aid your studies? It was nothing out of the ordinary, a common spectacle rather. As a fellow member of the Akademiya, you were simply another eager student to him.  

Holding onto such a meaningless encounter wouldn't be rational. He didn't even bother to gather information on you via the Akasha as a testament to his word. 

But one evening, as the lustrous moon wailed in its cage, Alhaitham found you near the beautiful Sanctuary of Surasthana. It was a clear night with a gentle breeze, the perfect time to  contemplate and relax amidst the choir of dusk birds. He was going up there to take a quick breather. There were too many annoying meetings he had to attend.  

With a telescope in hand and a notebook neatly laid on a stone bench nearby, you gazed at the glorious heavens. A faint fragrance of rose water clung to your skin. However, that's hardly what he noticed at the time. There it was again: that contemplative look. They say the scholars of the Akademiya hold the weight of Teyvat by carrying the burden of denying ignorance, the blistering desire to keep on learning. Some seek to know more and more, even as they meet their fated end. It's an addictive, maddening cycle of peeping into the elusive unknown and searching for answers. 

Yet you looked so peaceful. It was refreshing to see. 

Alhaitham couldn't help but reminisce about the words his grandmother left him with. 

"May my child Alhaitham lead a peaceful life." 

"Lovely, aren't they?" you whispered as tenderly as dancing Padisarahs when you noticed his form enter the Sanctuary's vicinity. "Many say the stars are mysterious, but I think they can be quite playful. Every day I unveil more. It's like they ask me to come and be with them" A simple glance nearly made him burn with curiosity. He suddenly felt parched. "I'm sorry if I startled you. I can often get carried away with my studies." You chuckled at the cunning man. Maybe he couldn't even hear you with his headphones on.  

Alhaitham crossed his arms and sighed. "It's fine. I should've known someone from the school of Rtawahist would be up here stargazing. I will be heading off then." Your telescope and blue robes were a telltale sign of your discipline; it was but a mere elementary-level deduction. 

"Are you sure you don't want to stay? I don't want you to feel like I am hogging the place." The fragrance of rose water came oh-so-slightly closer. It was too sweet and enticing. The pragmatic man couldn't help it. He discretely used his Akasha on you. 

After learning of your name and basic information, he came to the blatant conclusion that he needed to leave. Immediately. 

Once again, he thought of his grandmother. 

"You are such a smart child, but you must take care to have a clearer mind than others. You must understand that vain pursuits are but dust."

His mind was fogging up with too many eccentric yearnings. Aside from facts hastily gathered from the Akasha, he knew nothing about you. 

It needed to stay like that.

He nearly scoffed. What was this? That old tale of Layla and Majnun? The man who went insane from love. Give me a break. What use would itching love be to his aspirations? At best, this was but a fleeting attraction. It would go away eventually. 

"Look, I don't think either of us have any more time to waste." Alhaitham reviewed you once more before curtly turning around and walking away. "Now then, goodbye." 

He had made sure to study the contours of your face, your eye color, your height, your posture, how your clothes fit you, and, most of all, that scent of rose water. But, really, it was all to avoid you for future reference. Yes, understanding one's subject is critical. 

You raised your eyebrow as you saw his form grow smaller and smaller. Then, tilting your head up, you looked at the hypnotizing stars and deathly pale moon, trying to read your destiny and find the absolute truth. 

Before he could completely escape your view, you used your Akasha Terminal on him. Perhaps you were also too curious. Sumeru's ideals were fostered by you quite well.

Huh, so his name is Alhaitham…What a mysterious man.  

___

The art of coffee-making is a methodical process. 

Roast, ground, brew, and serve. 

It was akin to the process of learning that Alhaitham used: read, break down, reorganize, and question. 

Depending on the customer's order, it could be embellished with spices such as cardamom, cinnamon, or saffron. In some cases, sugar may be added. 

Alhaitham likes it dark and plain, an afternoon refreshment for the man on the go. While Puspa Café is a common place for social gatherings of people across all walks of life, ranging from lowlife sycophants to wishful merchants, he prefers to be alone. Solitude isn't as vexing as many claim. It allows him to think about his current ordeals. Moreover, it gives him time to read. 

That day, one problem had left him quite disturbed. 

The Dendro user has always been in-tune with his body. Ever since the brief confrontation that night, he had been physically and mentally agitated, with a fluctuating heartbeat, clammy hands, accelerated breathing, and racing thoughts. Coffee was a possible solution he believed could mitigate any troublesome symptoms. But, of course, in moderation. His roommate, Kaveh, could learn about the word moderation. 

Yet this afternoon's refreshment only made it worse.

There you were again. 

A ghastly deev haunting his every footstep. Spreading tendrils of nightmares across his skin to choke his throat, vivisecting his beating heart and rumbling mind to capture any essence of starry wisdom and pragmatic musings. 

Closing the book he was reading, he noticed the color of the coffee that spewed out of your brass dallah. It was so light. Just from the sight of it, he could taste the nauseating sweetness, too lightly roasted, with too much sugar, honey, and spice. Scoffing, he bets you even untraditionally added milk to lessen the bitter taste. Children are the only ones who dream in this nation, yet one quick look at you was enough to guess that you never truly grew up.

As if you wanted to solidify his observation, your eyes glowed and the corners of your lips curled up when you spotted him. You made your way over to his table and asked if he would like to join you with a spring in your step. 

Amidst the overpowering, bold scent of coffee clouding the café, he smelt it the moment you came closer.

Jasmine. 

Were your decisions rooted in spontaneity, or did you cycle through a collection of perfumes? He couldn't help but ponder the answer as you awaited his response. 

"Sure." 

He adored the way you perked up at the sound of one word. A waitress quickly helped to arrange a larger table for you two. 

This was just a way to get more information out of you. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Yes, you could be of use to him. The third time's a charm, they say. 

You quickly got comfortable, too comfortable. "Would you like to share some baklava or maamoul cookies? They are quite delicious, though I can order something else for you if you don't like them. Be my guest!" With a slight, delicate movement of your hand, you gestured to the assortment of sweets laying on a brass tray. 

"No. I'm fine. Foods with such high levels of sugar only leave me restless at night. It's a nuisance to deal with while I'm trying to work. You should know better, too. Thank you, though." 

You awkwardly glanced away. "I see…Well, that's not a problem. The offer is always there if you change your mind." Looking down at your hands nestled in your lap, you maneuvered the dying conversation elsewhere and swiftly began to ask about his job as the Akademiya's Scribe. The dreamy gleam in your eyes never faded

He couldn't get enough. His illogical thirst was growing.

His flesh began to blaze with anticipation. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad to entertain this romantic fantasy for a bit. Things could be tested with you. He was never one to be enthralled with the concept of love. It was too frivolous and melodramatic, but he supposed studious scholars never limit their perspectives. 

"So, what's it like?" you chirped. 

Why must you question him? He wanted to know more about you, everything there was to know. No, he had to know in order to finally get this greedy parasite wishing to feast on every bit of you out of his mind. Such a visceral need was consuming every inch of his very being. All semblances of practicality were withering before his eyes. No amount of bitter coffee was enough to quench the anxiety that plagued his mind, nor his bouncing knees, as you persistently asked him about his work and Darshan of Haravatat. 

Of course. 

How could he be so ignorant? His approach was all wrong. 

Alhaitham graduated with top grades at the Akademiya; his professors commended him for quickly deciphering incredibly elaborate ancient runes and grasping unfathomably complex syntax and structure. 

You were like that. 

You were a puzzle waiting to be unveiled and exposed to him and him alone. The world has no need of getting to view such convoluted beauty. A rare individual you were, indeed. You managed to hold on to such childish ways of wanting to dream while still maintaining a mature air of unmatched wisdom in your research. 

Alhaitham began the next phase of his project. 

Studying the subject.  

He thanked his grandmother for the lessons she taught him. All he had to do was clear his mind, and the path to wisdom was unfolding. 

___

None of it was wrong. 

No sane student at the Akademiya would ever take their exam blindly or be unprepared for a debate. Comprehension and studying are critical components to achieving success. So why set yourself up for failure? 

Before asking if you would reciprocate his feelings, he had to know first. So many calculated scenarios were emerging through his mind as he thought of what would happen if he didn't make sure beforehand. He couldn't possibly let himself look like some idiot. He had to find out the exact percentage of success, no matter what it took. 

After all, Alhaitham's hands were never the cleanest, even if he did like a cushy life. 

That is why he felt no guilt when he asked to walk you home. It was very late at night. You were stargazing again. He just wanted to be useful.  

Each step was seared into his mind. Each item of interest you pointed out on the way left him with more questions. Upon reaching your abode, sparks of pride flooded into his veins. He had guessed you lived in this area. You often walked here during mornings and later hours; it was a straightforward conclusion. Nothing special. 

A tender smile graced your beautiful face. It was brimming with gratitude. 

He ensured you entered safely and locked the door. It was only when all the lights were out did he truly depart, though. He had to see the peaceful expression on your face as you slept. 

Once Alhaitham arrived home, he felt conflicted. Reasonably, there was no chance he could ever forget anything from today. Yet humans aren't without their respective flaws, especially involving memory. He didn't dare to ruminate on what may occur if he were to somehow forget even one piece of information you blessed him with. Every tidbit and morsel you fed him was significant in nature. 

It was all part of his investigations.  

However, he couldn't write such crucial facts in some random notebook. No, no; such things must remain strictly confidential. It was only logical. What if he misplaced it? Or even worse, what if his obnoxious roommate got to it? He rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue.

Summoning an empty knowledge capsule that he had obtained when he was ordered to draft more ordinances for the Sages, Alhaitham flooded it with every bit of data he had on you, from your slumbering form to your mellow smile and contemplative look. It was all there. Safe and sound, ready for him to access at any time. 

Before resting, he thought of the way you smelt of orange blossom again. 

___

You next met one morning at the Akademiya. 

You wore no fragrance today. 

Chuckling, you noticed Alhaitham stride towards you impatiently. He was clutching a small, decorative bag. After exchanging simple greetings, he handed it over to you. There was neither a frilly explanation nor a blooming blush on his handsome face. Instead, he had a sharp and clean approach. 

"Here, this is for you." 

Though not one to express his emotions so as to maintain an unreadable body language, you had picked up on a few of his habits. He seemed eager. It was charming to think about how he grew more casual and open around you. To the untrained eye, one may think he wasn't fond of you at all, but you knew. That realization was enough to keep you on your toes. 

One previous evening, the glimmering stars and bygone moon sisters breathlessly spoke of your future. It was challenging to decipher, but you stuck to your beliefs that the stars don't lie, and you were greatly rewarded.

The confirming chill that the divine gales of the night brought to you all spoke of the same fortune. 

"There is a man that treasures every bit of you." 

Despite sounding like good tidings, a hole in your stomach grew.

It started off as a tiny sapling. You suspected it to be anxiety for upcoming deadlines or the usual fatigue from nights spent stargazing. Something that could easily be brushed off. Yet branches and roots ravaged and wrapped around your organs as you heard the consistent sound of soil crunching beneath one's feet. Be it dawn or dusk, such dreadful mirages pained your spirit.

But with Alhaitham, it stopped. Perhaps it was a side effect of being in love. Being so on edge around him had taken a toll on you. Is this why the Sages warn of pursuing things such as love? You couldn't help but wonder. 

Nevertheless, it wasn't an appropriate time to have your heads in the clouds. 

You quickly tore off the patterned wrapping paper and grinned. It was exactly what you needed: more jasmine-scented perfume! Just the glass bottle itself was astonishingly exquisite, encrusted with jewels and detailed with gold. You could tell it was expensive. 

"I can't take this. This must've cost you a fortune! I really can't accept this. Though I did just run out of mine… You should return it and use the money for something more useful. Besides, I'm fine with using the cheaper one I usually purchase!"

Returning the bottle to the small bag, you tried to give it back to the man standing before you. 

Alhaitham hated the way you acted. This was just a quick gift he purchased at the Grand Bazaar. It was nothing. He knew you had run out of your usual exactly the day prior. Alhaitham simply saw an opportunity and decided to strike. Honestly, he only studies what interests him. You should know that by now. Why bother with the inessential? 

"Don't be ridiculous.” His eyes narrowed oh-so-slightly. “It was just something I thought you might like. Anyway, keep it. I have no need for such things." 

Still lacking confidence, you treaded carefully, "Well…If you say so. I will treasure it by wearing it every day! Thank you, Alhaitham." Inspecting the perfume bottle again, you couldn't help but smile. "It's almost like a miracle that you gifted me this because I just ran out of my usual. I really want to thank you somehow…."

Bullseye. 

"Hmm… Is that so? Never mind, we will get to that later." He placed his hand underneath your chin and pulled your face from side to side to inspect you. "You haven't been sleeping well, have you? Your eyebags are much more prominent." 

Twinges of insecurity rang through your bones as he examined your appearance. I suppose that's how he shows he cares? Looking down, you played with the strings of the gift bag and tried to awkwardly collect yourself. "Lack of sleep is common for my studies, but I have been a bit more jumpy than usual when I rest, that's all. Perhaps you were right back then…Too much sugar." Your voice grew weaker. "It's nothing, really." 

"If it's ‘nothing’ as you claim it to be, then you wouldn't be so distressed. Come on, spit it out." There was no need to sugarcoat things. Many of his former classmates gossip that he is a ruthless robot, but he doesn't mind such statements. To him, it's better to clear things away than regret it later. 

Not wanting to look into his eyes, you glanced at the other students in the Akademiya mingling with their like-minded colleagues and friends. Dejectedly, you scratched the back of your neck, then quickly gestured to the door with your head. "Let's talk outside, shall we?" 

Sitting under a pavilion, you apologized for the sudden request to head outdoors. Alhaitham remained unfazed. Rigid and cold, silently awaiting a reply. 

First, you breathed in, then shakily exhaled before speaking, "Okay, then. I think someone is stalking me. I can't give you a proper explanation as to why, but I just know. It really has left me so scared. I won't lie, the feeling disappears when I'm with you...." With a heated face, you quickly looked to Alhaitham for validation as you poured out your feelings. "But, um, of course! You are an extremely accomplished individual. Anybody would feel better with you since you're the Scribe, after all." 

He scoffed, "I think Kaveh would beg to differ about your last statement." 

You laughed. 

It was simply perfect. He just wanted to caress your face and tell you how good you were being for him. Yes, so good. So naive. 

"Let's do an experiment. Why don't you stay at my place for a day or two and see what happens?" He couldn't help but smirk at how you shrunk under his all-knowing stare. "If you don't want to, I can think of another solution. However, I believe we have become quite close, and I'm sure you would enjoy it. Besides, Kaveh is out for a bit. But in the end, it's your choice, of course." 

"Well, if you insist…." You took out the perfume bottle and daintily sprayed it on your neck and wrists; you enjoyed how his keen eyes soaked you in. "Thank you for being so kind. You know me so well, Alhaitham." 

"Yes, I really do." 

___

In Sumeru City, when it rains, it pours. 

Streets flood with incinerating kisses and sensual touches intertwined with a rich, floral fragrance. 

To many, Alhaitham is known as a lunatic. Such a name fits the man whose mind was devoured by jasmine perfume. 

He couldn't get enough. 

Every inch of you, he had to learn about. He needed to properly store and encode such mesmerizing information into the recesses of his gluttonous mind. 

That intoxicating perfume permeated Alhaitham’s room and desperately held onto disheveled sheets. It was akin to the incense that scholars use to clear their minds and focus their bodies to become one with Irminsul. Yes, it was just like that. 

You couldn't help but feel so safe in his arms. The stars really do never lie. 

He loved every bit of you.

___ 

Sunlight peeked through translucent cotton curtains and illuminated the room. 

Alhaitham kissed your forehead and greeted you with a simple "Good morning" as you moved his hair from his face and took in his features. The intense perfume still persistently laced through his sheets. 

The domesticity of it all, from changing together to preparing breakfast, swelled your heart. It had been quite a while since you were last able to unwind like this. 

Alhaitham quickly took notice of your lax movements. Good. You were enjoying yourself as planned. By the time he's done, you won't be able to tell the difference between an innocent Sumeru Rose and a vicious Venus Flytrap.

He looked you up and down again. "How do you feel? Did you sleep okay?" 

"Yes, I haven't felt this relaxed for a while. Ever since I joined my Darshan, sleep has become a luxury. It was especially bad when I was first learning the basics because I would have to stay up all night long to study the stars and keep up with other research. At one point, I developed severe insomnia, but I’m fine now. Anyway… Yes, I did sleep well. This is the first time I’ve felt safe in a long while. Thank you, Alhaitham." 

He nodded and spoke, "That's good. If we are going to continue this relationship, then maybe in the future we can discuss more complex matters, such as living together more permanently."  

Your eyes widened as you took in his statement, but you soon giggled, “A little hasty, aren’t we, Alhaitham?” You poked fun at him. “What about poor Mister Kaveh?” 

He rolled his eyes at your teasing. 

Then he shrugged and bluntly defended himself, "It's only rational to think about these things, especially with your situation. Besides, I'm only putting them on the table—" 

There was a knock at his door. 

He noticed your jaw tighten in fear. Alhaitham pulled the strings of the puppet and played along with you. He muttered into your ear to hide from the front door's view just in case.  

The Scribe loved the way you obediently followed his orders and trusted so wholeheartedly everything that he said.  

When he opened the door, he didn't expect to be greeted by the Grand Sage Azar's assistant: Setaria. 

She told him how the Akademiya lost a knowledge capsule about the divine and how the Grand Sage wished for him to gather information on a certain blonde traveler.

A divine knowledge capsule and a heroic traveler from afar. How interesting. 

He crossed his arms and unceremoniously spoke, "I'll start my assignment soon." With that, he nodded, closed the door, and went silent again. Annoyance ran through his veins as he was pulled along into the Grand Sage's plot. A peaceful life as the Scribe was all he desired. Was it really that hard for the Akademiya to provide that?  

Turning around, the reserved man called for you. Your name rolled off his tongue too well, as if he was made to be the sole person on this forsaken continent to cherish and pronounce it. You carefully popped your head out from behind his bedroom door, the corners of your kissable lips turned down, forming a slight frown. 

"Is it all good?"

"Yes, it was just someone from the Akademiya for work. Speaking of, I have a little surprise for us." Alhaitham seemed to look right through you. "Do you want to hear it?" There was an excitement bubbling deep inside of him. Your stomach began to ache as he cloaked himself in mystery. 

You felt those hawk eyes analyze you again. "Uh, sure?" 

"How would you feel about going to Port Ormos for some academic research?" 

___

Alhaitham convinced you that it would help your situation. You could see if that uneasy feeling would follow you on your journey to the port. 

While the actual job itself is mundane and uneventful, as the Scribe, he receives many benefits. One was being sponsored by the Akademiya to stay in an upscale hotel with many amenities. 

Your shared suite had a lovely balcony with a nice view of the sea. Breathing in the refreshing salty air on a balmy day was energizing after being cooped up in such a stifling city of arrogant wisdom. Mere fool's gold.  

"If you want to go and explore, I would advise you to remain within the hotel grounds or near places that are guarded or populated in case anything were to happen. 

You turned to him. "Thank you for your concern, but I will just stay here. It's a nice room. I'll enjoy the breeze and finish up my papers on the balcony. Perhaps in your free time, we can do something together?"  

He thought about it for a second. "I'll see."

You deflated a bit. "Well, when do you think you'll come back?"

"Not anytime soon."

"Oh..."

"Anyway, I should be leaving now." Alhaitham pecked your cheek before heading out.

After unpacking, you began writing rough ideas for your ongoing thesis in your worn-out leather journal. As the clock kept ticking and the hours passed, you grew bored. Small sketches of constellations were sloppily drawn on the side with little notes as you tried to jot down as much information as possible. Becoming distracted, you began to doodle Alhaitham's constellation: Vultur Volans. You wanted to unveil so much more about him. You wanted the stars to guide you in your journey. 

Yet just as you were about to finish your little doodle, your pen ran out of ink.

You scribbled a few lines and circles to test it out one last time before throwing it in a nearby trash bin. It was nothing. A simple delay. 

Before going inside, you closed your leather journal and placed it on top of the stack of scrap papers so they wouldn't fly away. Going to your side of the bed, you opened your Adhigama wood nightstand and pulled out a few spare pens. However, when you sat down and attempted to use them, they didn't work. It was fine. You just happened to bring a bad batch. That was all. 

You knew Alhaitham brought a brand new set with him. It was still in his luggage, though... He was in such a hurry to start his job here in Port Ormos that he had no time to unpack. You always admired his diligence; it's what got him so far so quickly. He was your age, but you were still far behind. Though you couldn't blame him for tuning the world out and focusing just on his studies, he lost so much at such a young age. He was brave to keep looking towards the future despite his parents being gone. Even if he would say, "It was just the most rational thing to do." 

Alhaitham is a man with principles rooted in logic. He would understand why you were rummaging through his things. It wasn't an invasion of privacy! You two were a couple now; albeit new, the love was evident already. 

You were just going to borrow his pens, anyway. 

As you unlocked his luggage and looked for his case of supplies, you stumbled upon two similar containers in appearance and weight. Ugh! Which one was it? I suppose I'll just have to open them both… 

Moving your hand towards the zipper, you noticed your hand shake. Perhaps it was just getting cold. You had left the glass balcony door open, only closing the screen. The soft sound of the breeze and smell of sea salt slithered up your spine, invading your ear canals and nostrils. 

You placed your fingers on the zipper of the bag on the left. The sound of it unzipping was akin to the rustles of leaves and branches in a dark rainforest. What you found inside was a knowledge capsule. 

The pens were in the other bag. 

That was all. Alhaitham works under the Grand Sage. Of course you were bound to find certain items only he should be privy to. 

Yet why was it calling you like the irresistible knowledge that spills from the ivory, archaic branches of Irminsul? It was most likely empty, anyway, waiting to be filled with the information he would discover in the bustling Port Ormos. Why was the hollow, ravaging feeling in your stomach and heart returning to once again suffocate your organs and dry up your blood into grains of sand? 

Your journal was waiting for you. Opening the other bag, you got what you wanted. 

His pens. 

That was what you came for. 

However, the sharp pains and shivers ringing through your body reeled you into the infested desert and the pouring rainforest. A peek wouldn't hurt. Alhaitham would understand, right? He was the one that brought you here, after all, to keep an eye out for your situation. 

Yes, he's a man who knows his morals. Besides, how would he even know? It would be alright. He said himself that he wouldn't be coming anytime soon. 

As you gripped the green and gold knowledge capsule pulsing and flowing with information, you felt so conflicted. The unease was growing, yet you felt so sure that you were meant to do this. Opposing thoughts contrasted each other like fields of flowers flourishing amidst dunes of lifeless sand. It truly nauseated you.  

After establishing a connection with it, you felt it. A flash of memories entered into the recesses of your mind. As if two consciousness were merged together to form one single entity, you felt vines and tendrils weaving through your anatomy. Nearly every bit of knowledge you gained was something you already had experienced. Yet it was from a different perspective. Your face, your body, your studies, your smiles, your slumber, your pens, even your perfume. 

It was all there, only from a different angle.

For so long, you saw life from the eyes of a feeble mouse. Now, you could see what it was like to view the world from the perspective of a hungry vulture ready to gobble up its prey. You dropped the canned knowledge. You barely heard the thud it made with the flooring, as it was drowned out by all of the thoughts racing through your mind. 

Your eyes scattered to the open glass door with the closed screen. The breeze and saltiness of the sea were still there. 

It felt so far. 

Running to the balcony, you rushed to lock the glass door and fumbled to close the cotton curtains. 

"Didn't anyone teach you to clean up after yourself?" 

Alhaitham's voice made everything cold. Sharply turning your head, you faced the man who both tormented your life and made it so beautiful. He came back so soon. Too soon. 

"Once the Matra knows about this, you will go to prison, Alhaitham, for what you did to me!" Your hands were shaking as you bunched them into fists and furrowed your eyebrows. Tears were threatening to spill at any moment. 

He merely crossed his arms. His precise, uptight composure never faltered. "You think the Matra will do anything to me? I'm the Scribe. The right hand of the Grand Sage." He stepped closer to you. “Did you know there once was a Rtawahist student who was so desperate for sleep that they went to Port Ormos and looked for knowledge capsules to help their studies and cure their insomnia? The Matra were never able to track down the culprit." Alhaitham walked closer to you. "However, I think today, that could change. The usage of canned knowledge to gain an advantage over one’s peers in the Akademiya is strictly against the rules." He was always one step ahead of you.

"Is it not?"

Cupping your face and forcing you to look at his darkening eyes, he stared into you, drinking up the way you brimmed with fear. Just how he liked it. Everything was falling into place as calculated. He whispered into your ear. "Think of this as the 'thank you' you said you would give me that day." 

Alhaitham embraced you tightly, taking in the exquisite jasmine perfume he gifted you. Trembling in his arms, you felt so small and helpless. Dreams shattered as you thought of everything that you had learned. The stars and wise moon didn't lie to you that night. There's a man who loves you with all his being. There's a man who knows everything about you.  

Seeking what is forbidden will always be the downfall of humanity. 

Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss. 

Thank you so much for reading!!!

(⺣◡⺣)♡*

[iluminated-goat]

I bring doodles! And- *I grab the can of meads mid air, I fumble with it and it falls on the ground, loudly, it echoes* I bring more pregnant Stan lore!! I had some ideas for it for a while but I didn't have the motivation or time to do them, but coming back made me want to get on the flow again! I want to thank my friends and all the people that liked my posts :) I truly appreciate you all

NOW TO THE LORE BABY! I wanted to explore more of Stan's relationships here, and how he ended up getting them (since he's living in Gravity Falls

Begrudgingly allies to queer platonic Fiddlestan my beloved. Ford and Fiddleford's fallout doesn't start outright with the portal, rather than Fidd's apprehension about it and Ford's "Muse". Needless to say, they have some arguments and discussions about it, some harsher than normal. At some point, Fidds just goes away from the Shack and goes to Stan to distract himself/calm down; mostly bc Stan's the closest and they're on deeper speaking terms. Not friends, but not strangers either; Fiddleford just need someone relatively normal now.

Stan's awkward as hell about it, he doesn't know much about Fiddleford, being on arms length with the man. Having someone breaking down in front of you and in your home while you're trying to sleep with someone kicking your bladder is... Hard. But listen, he's been on the far end of the stick too many times, and he knows that being alone with your thoughts is a dangerous thing - much less in that state. So, hesitantly, he lets him stay for the night, which turns into a week, which turns into when he's actually stable to leave-

So slowly, they form this camaraderie, slowly getting to know each other (mostly on the left foot bc Stan's still too hesitant to open up/casually meet people and Fiddleford is just too... nice).

Needless to say, Stan is not having that shit. He may or not be projecting but he is not letting this fact just fly away to the sun and evaporate like nothing, he has Fidds almost hound his family to come to Gravity Falls or to at least make sure to visit them (not just calls). Fuck him, Stan will take the risk of having his throat slit while they stay in his house just so they can be together (Ford is definitely NOT clawing at walls with jealousy and envy that Fiddleford got closer to Stan first)

And also because I'm a firm believer and lover of Stan having girl/female friendships, no I will not elaborate. And because I love Emma-May and Tate (I definitely need to draw them more), idk why but I feel like they would be a cool team these two (and because they have fluffy hair, but that's another story). Stan becoming an honorary uncle to Tate and taking care of him whenever his parents have to work or rest (plus, he's kinda preparing for his little one too, and Little Tate is just too cute for him to handle).

So while he has a somewhat established relationship with the McGucket's (and then slowly adopting him in their circle), Ford and Stan are still... tolerable, rough on the corners. They talk, but it's not the same. Both of the want to reconnect, they feel that want to be close again, even if it's not the same as before. The thing is that both of them are too stubborn/afraid to do so, plus, they're both leading their lives in different ways, how would that work? Plus, they don't even know each other anymore after their separation, how much did they change after there 10 years?

And Bill isn't helping the case, at all. Stan doesn't even know the guy, but the dude just decided that he wants him dead. Stan doesn't trust him. For as much as he respects and loves his brother, nothing will ever make him want to be in the same room as that thing. It makes too much promises and says just the right things to make you fall right on their hands, it makes him uneasy and bring back memories he'd rather not discuss.

A bit of info: the astronaut comes from the phrase "your mother's an astronaut", which means she was a drug addict while pregnant and her child came out with birth defects. Yeah, those two fucking hate each other - the problem is that Stan will bite back and not take his shit (he can insult him all he wants but the moment he even talks about his baby the restraint is out the window). As much as he wants to hit him, he doesn't want to injure his brother (as hard as that is) and Cipher doesn't harm him physically because Ford would lose some trust in him and that would attract too much attention, so verbal jabs it is.

The thing is that after some time, Stan just see Bill as this... Bratty kid. Throwing a tantrum anytime things don't go his way, and that's simultaneously terrifying and hilarious considering he's a god-knows-how-old demon with the power to bend their reality. Sometimes he can't help but just, lock him in place or speak to him in this tired voice because "dude I just want to raise my kid and I'm trying to sleep, you're making noise, you're not being scary you're just being an asshole. And quit hurting yourself I'm the one that's doing your bandages and that's not even your body your asymmetrical bastard".

So while Ford doesn't wake up to Bill's true intentions, someone has to keep the reins in the Shack and occasionally, MYSTERIOUSLY, slow down the construction of the portal. He has Bill fuming while angrily flipping medical book pages to see what could cause a miscarriage or birth defects (it doesn't work and that makes him want to scream).

Also I want to explore more of Stan's psychologic with his pregnancy and the horrors of getting accostumated to it (he's happy but listen his dick changed to a vagina, his entire body is changing, that's kinda wild to think about) but it'll definitely take some time before I start bc I have upcoming tests (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠) but once again, thank you all for your attention and reading this far :D!!

[gemjewlerybox]

also i’m so heavy on the ‘i come back and hate it’ girl don’t be afraid to rewrite but try to have fun! i find talking about au alway hep and i’m alway here pookie

AAAAAAWWWWVMIDNIOSAN your so sweet for giving me attention

Especially since I want to rewrite MGreader. I might make a neglected reader in the future tho.

I LOVE world building so thats what Ive been writing daydreaming about. But that also means I need to brush up on my dc lore and not pull shit out of my ass but here is some more tidbits for MGreader with the bats (shaking the jewelry box im still keeping that its cute) .

Banner came from anitalenia here on tumblr

Magical girl reader who already has a superhero name, thats the name little kids cheer out when they see you around. You hates the fact that the bats completely ignore the name in favor of their own nicknames

"Dove, Bluebird, Angel"- god don't they hear all of the children calling them (mg/n)?? After all the correction and ignoring them flat out when called out by one of their nicknames they still won't take the hint???

Magical girl reader who is a college student as a civilian, your undetermined right now. You've never thought about it as a kid, thinking that she'd forever be a magical girl

That would be the dream

Luckly for your first year theres alot of classes that are required no matter the degree so al least she's busy. You actually enjoys the distractions your classes gives you. You'd enjoy it alot more if there wasn't a certain TA that insists on one on one study sessions.

Fucking werido, your grade in the class is fine. What is he on???

Magical girl reader who no longer questions the tasks the app gives you. The app says the task are "hopes and wishes" and you're here to "make their dreams come true". You're used to question what sorts of dreams needs this degree of ......yeah

But hearing that little chime from her phone after a task is complete gives you the sort of euphoric feeling thats so addicting and feels so right, it makes you feel so alive that....it makes you forget the blood you've done tracks back into your studio apartment's good carpet.

Magical girl reader who after a few days of new tasks, you becomes a little sad, you like to say. You just goes through a period of not exiting your apartment at all, ignoring the calls from her family out of state, hell even not eat for a few days. Luckily you usually gets out of this little funk when the app sends a new notification, or when the police comes to do a wellness check.

[magenta-malice]

TADC theory and OC-story concept

I haven't been active on this blog for a while now, and that's sadly because I kinda fell out of the TADC–Jax hype. I'm hoping ep5 will bring back some interest in the show for me (not sure about it, but we'll see!), BUT I did want to make a post and share:

a darker, probably-unlikely TADC theory that I’ve been thinking about

and an also darker and detailed story idea with my TADC OC (which the fics A Slithering Adventure and Stress Relief are part of)

TW: mention of depression, self-destructive tendencies, drug addiction, suicide (oh boi...)

WC: 7277

Let me know if you find any of them interesting!

Also changed the name of this blog cause I wanted to switch it up with my main that I don't even use.

1. THEORY: The Circus is a Digital Prison / Rehabilitation Program

This one isn’t tied to any OC, but more of a theory-lore idea.

What if the digital circus was never supposed to be a circus at all? What if it started out as a government-funded or corporate-backed digital prison?

The original idea was to develop a new kind of incarceration. Instead of physical prison, they would digitally upload the minds of criminals and mentally unstable individuals into a simulated world. Their memories and identities were stripped, and they were dropped into a surreal, chaotic environment meant to break them psychologically and eventually rewire them into "model citizens".

As time went on, the system evolved. The circus was just the latest version of the simulation: something colorful, distracting, and bizarre enough to keep inmates occupied while still applying extreme mental stress.

The cast members we know (Pomni, Jax, Ragatha, etc.) are just the most recent batch of inmates. Every one of them committed a crime in the real world, ranging from severe to petty, depending on how far they were willing to go as humans. Some ideas for what they could've done:

Murder (Jax?);

Cybercrime or hacking, possibly part of an anti-corporate movement (Kinger, Pomni?);

Repeated vandalism (Ragatha?);

Arson (Gangle?);

Anarchist actions (Zooble?)

NOTE that I haven't put too much thought into the crime ideas and matching them with the characters. But this would tie with Goose saying they actually deserve to be there (or at least I think they said that, not sure).

Caine wasn’t always the ringleader – he was created to become the AI warden. His happy, chaotic personality is a mask meant to pacify the inmates and is a part of the psychological manipulation. His goal is to keep the inmates distracted and compliant, until someone steps out of line, and things get darker.

The abstracted aren’t glitches. They’re inmates who broke under pressure, people whose minds fractured beyond repair. The “cellar” isn’t a hidden corner of the circus. It’s solitary confinement. It’s where the system dumps those it can’t control.

This theory would mean none of the cast members are there by accident. They were chosen, one by one - erased from the real world by powerful people who are still watching their suffering from the outside, using it as both control and entertainment.

2. My Own Story and My OC, Azryn

This one could actually be darker in a sense, so just bear with me lol.

Azryn was the first human ever trapped in the digital circus. Long before Pomni and the others arrived, she was already there – alone and terrified. In the real world, Azryn struggled with severe depression, suicidal ideation, and drug addiction. On the night she planned to take her life, she mysteriously woke up in the digital circus.

Additional lore I wasn't sure about:

She had a close friend (or ex-partner) who was a talented programmer. They saw Azryn’s addiction and self-destructive spiral and, instead of helping her, became obsessed with the idea of "fixing" her. When they found her overdosing, they uploaded her mind into the digital circus - believing they had “saved” her by giving her a second life. But in truth, they only trapped her in a nightmare she couldn’t escape from.

I was also thinking they created the circus together, but I’m not entirely sure which direction I want to go with that yet.

After waking up in the digital world, Azryn believed she had actually died and ended up in some kind of hell. She locked herself in her room and refused to interact with Caine, who was already there at that point.

But whoever uploaded Azryn into the circus didn’t disappear. From the outside, they could still watch her suffer, monitor her every move, and even manipulate Caine from time to time. Azryn doesn’t know exactly how, but she can feel it: she’s being watched. Controlled. Punished.

Sometimes, in the quiet moments when no one else is around, she breaks down and screams at the walls, her voice raw and hopeless: “Are you enjoying this?” “Is this what you wanted?” “Is this what saving me means to you?”

Over time, more and more cast members appeared (I imagined the person who put Azryn there would have this twisted mission of "fixing" other people as well). The world around her became louder, weirder, and more unbearable. Azryn tried every possible way to die in the circus, but nothing worked. Eventually, her mind broke, and she abstracted – but her abstraction was different. She retained her consciousness in the cellar. Down there, she could still feel. She could still see. She witnessed the pain of every lost cast member, felt the weight of their loneliness, and realized that someone had to stop this place from continuing.

Somehow, after what seemed like forever, Azryn magically appeared back in the circus: fully intact, fully aware, and deeply changed. But she kept her past a secret. When she reappeared (sometime after Pomni’s arrival), she pretended to be a new arrival, claiming she didn’t know anything. Only Kinger had a vague sense of familiarity about her, because they used to be friends before Azryn abstracted – but his fractured mind couldn’t put it together.

Azryn's true goal is to end the circus and find a way out – but she lies to the others to protect them. She fears that if they knew who she really was (or what she knew), they’d panic.

That fear proves true when Caine eventually turns on her. At first, he simply avoids her, as if he’s unsure whether to acknowledge her return. But when she starts investigating the circus too deeply and planting ideas of escape in others, he retaliates. He sees her as a threat to the system - and maybe even to his own sense of control.

When the truth starts surfacing, Caine manipulates the rest of the cast into believing Azryn is the one who created the circus. He spreads the idea that “C&A” stands for “Caine & Azryn,” and claims that she’s responsible for trapping everyone. This breaks her completely and forces her to fight back.

I also imagined her to have a slow-burn, enemies-to friends-to lovers relationship with Jax lol. From the start, Azryn saw straight through Jax’s antics and called him out, which annoyed him enough to target her constantly. But over time, through being stuck together in adventures and sharing vulnerable moments, they grew closer. Jax eventually opened up to her, only to later feel deeply betrayed when her true backstory was revealed. He was hurt that he had trusted her with his feelings while she had kept everything hidden.

Final thought I had:

If Azryn had already died in the real world, then escaping the circus would be impossible for her - she wouldn’t have a body to wake up to. Even if she and the others eventually found a way out, Azryn wouldn’t be able to go with them. She’d be left behind, all alone in there once again, just like how it all started.

I imagined this ending with a quiet, devastating goodbye between her and Jax. After everything they went through - the fights, the trust, the slow healing - he’d be forced to leave her behind, and she'd have to let him go. She’d smile through it, trying to be strong for him. And once they’re all gone, she’d be alone in the empty circus… still standing, still fighting, but finally at peace with her fate, knowing she's saved everyone there.

[canopies-of-gold-and-evergreen]

Sleep Token Lore theory

From the pov of someone deeply interested in psychology and a survivor of narcissistic abuse.

Warnings: mentions of narcissistic abuse, brief mentions of suicidal ideation, alcohol use.

Disclaimer: my idea of what all of it means is less in the esoteric direction and based more on my opinions of some of Vessel’s personal experiences. I’m basing all of this on lyrical content, the evolution of his masks, how he behaves on stage, and my own personal experience. I will not mention any of his previous work or related individuals. I will keep this as neutral as possible out of respect for all of their privacy.

Read part two here • part three

1. The deity of Sleep: I believe that Sleep is less of an actual deity (I know it’s mostly a marketing gimmick), and more of a metaphor for someone that Vessel used to be in a relationship with. This person was very toxic and likely abusive in some manner. They also definitely had a god complex. In my opinion they most likely displayed a lot of narcissistic tendencies, such as love bombing, denying responsibility, manipulating, lies, mind games, and other such things. Emotional and psychological abuse are very likely. People who display narcissistic traits tend to worm their way into the minds of their targets. They prey on their insecurities, weaponizing them. Hence “my insecurities surround me like lions in a den.” This person met Vessel, noticed the things he was probably already insecure about and deliberately poked at those wounds, making them worse. This person also probably made efforts to isolate Vessel from the rest of his family and friends, making him dependent on them and them alone. If you have no one else to turn to, you are much less likely to try to escape.

2. Vessel’s part in the toxicity: in multiple lyrics from different songs Vessel expresses deep all consuming guilt over the way that he acted in this relationship. Being in a relationship with a narcissist will change you into a different person, but who you become depends on who you are to start with. Some people become more argumentative and fight back, which the narcissist enjoys. They like it when you react emotionally, they take it as a chance to say “look at the way you’re acting, you’re being the bad guy. Now I can go and make my smear campaign to make me look like the victim.” Other people shut down emotionally, becoming even easier to manipulate and control. In Vessel’s case, I think he mostly became the argumentative version, though inside he was likely pretty emotionally numb. This is shown in DYWTYLM when he says “maybe it’s not that you conceal your feelings, they just don’t exist.” The narcissist has succeeded in alienating him from himself so much that he can’t recognize his own emotional state or needs.

3. Vessel’s emotional state: with the narcissistic behaviour that I mentioned earlier, it’s very likely that Vessel was the recipient of a lot of mind games and love bombing. Love bombing, to put it in the simplest terms, is when a narcissist pours on the charm in opportunistic times to get you to believe that they are the nicest person ever. They follow this up with extremely shitty behaviour, and then more charm. This way you start to believe that you imagined the shitty part and that they couldn’t do anything wrong. This back and forth creates a pattern that the victim will be addicted to, the good parts are so good that they brush off the bad. This is shown in Sugar “I’ve developed a taste for you” and in Distraction “you come crawling back to me, but I’m already on the ground.” If the narcissist is tenacious enough, this will push their victim to the point of wanting to take their own life or attempting to. This is shown in Atlantic, Are you really ok?, Dark Signs, and several others. References to scars on arms, trenches deeper than the scars can show, tearing off limbs, etc etc.

4. Vessel’s actions during: there are several songs where he describes self sacrificing behaviour, the biggest example being The Offering. Just the whole entire song. He gave himself over completely to this person. In a healthy relationship this isn’t a bad thing, but in an unhealthy relationship, it most certainly is. His entire identity could’ve been defined by the other person. “I am Vessel, and I belong to ________. They are my purpose.” That kind of thing. A complete erasure of who he was prior. At this point, he does not know who he is, he depends on them to tell him and others who he is. Through this he also grew to hate himself, and to believe that all of his dreams were probably unrealistic or something like that. And that he is ugly, as is shown in the Fall For Me video. This probably acts as the main driving force behind the masks in the first place. To literally hide behind, in fear that if the mask were to go away, that we the audience would no longer be interested. There’s those insecurities again. Afraid that he’ll lose all of his success if they see his face. Despite the fact that we don’t buy his albums to listen to his face.

5. The aftermath of this: When this relationship ended, which would’ve been after a long course of back and forth, and probably some on again off again cycles, Vessel would’ve been left feeling completely dead inside. To put it simply. Recovering from this kind of abuse takes a very long time, for most it takes months, for others years. At the start, he would likely struggle to see any worth in himself at all, hence him saying that who he is behind the mask does not matter. He was taught that belief. I think we can all agree that for Vess, it took several years to fully recover, and we continue to see his progress with every performance. We can also see this via the evolution of his mask, in the beginning covering his whole face, very much not human. Then the second mask, also not human but also softer. Not as archaic in appearance. But still not human. Still not him. The current mask showing a portion of his face at all times, the red lace like design on the bottom. It’s prettier, softer. It’s more human and approachable, but it has the spikes on it. He still feels the need to defend and protect himself. The other ways we were able to see the damage incurred, was through the fact that for many earlier performances, Vessel was drunk on stage. It doesn’t take a lot of thought to see that he wasn’t feeling too good about himself. A lot of victims of this kind of abuse tend to turn to some kind of vice/addiction to get them through the pain. After going through and getting out of something like that, self care and healthy habits usually isn’t a top priority. All you want in that situation is to numb the pain and distance yourself from it.

Someone on TikTok also pointed out to me the line (I think) from TMBTE “I’ll take a pound of your flesh before you take a piece of my pay stub.” With the idea that the person he was in a relationship with he also worked with, and they hogged a lot of his money. This aligns very much with narcissistic tendencies, as financial abuse is also extremely common.

More about the other members and their roles tomorrow.

[waltenmedia]

HC that Tamon is really good at project sekai, like he plays exclusively on hard mode and always gets perfect scores. It started as just another way to distract himself from people’s stares but now he’s addicted

And whenever he plays in the club room, everyone gathers around him. Mogari loudly cheers him on and Zaki infodumps about the lore and characters (he doesn’t play, he just inexplicably knows) all the while Eugene gently reprimands them with a weary “guys don’t distract him”

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes how many times do i need to say yes to adequately express my love for this omg its so in character yes yes yes

thank u anon i will forever think about this

[sp00kygoddessxx]

🔥Yearning🔥

Dean Winchester X Reader Word Count: 669

The bunker was quiet, the only sound the soft hum of machinery and the distant rustle of papers. You sat at the table, engrossed in research, your brow furrowed in concentration as you pored over ancient texts and lore.

Dean Winchester leaned against the doorframe, watching you with a mixture of admiration and longing. His eyes traced the curve of your silhouette, lingering on the gentle slope of your shoulder and the way your hair fell in soft waves around your face.

"Hey, Y/N," he called out, his voice a low rumble that sent shivers down your spine.

You looked up from your research, a faint smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "Hey, Dean. What's up?"

Dean sauntered into the room, his movements fluid and confident. He leaned against the table, his gaze locking with yours. "I was thinking... maybe we could take a break from all this research. Have a little alone time, just you and me."

You blinked, momentarily taken aback by the suggestion. "Alone time? Dean, we're in the middle of a case. We can't just drop everything."

Dean's expression faltered, a hint of disappointment flickering in his eyes. "I know, I know. It's just... I miss you, Y/N. We've been so caught up in hunting lately, I feel like we never get a chance to just... be, you know."

You softened at the sincerity in his voice, realizing just how much he needed this moment of connection. Setting aside your research, you reached out and took his hand in yours.

"I'm sorry, Dean." you said softly.

Dean's expression brightened, and he squeezed your hand affectionately. "It's okay, Y/N. I get it. We've got work to do."

But you could see the disappointment lingering in his eyes, a shadow of longing that tugged at your heartstrings. You couldn't bear to see him like this, yearning for something that seemed just out of reach.

An idea sparked in your mind, a sudden realization of what Dean truly wanted. With a mischievous glint in your eye, you rose from your seat and took a step closer to him.

"Actually, Dean, I think I might need a break from all this research too," you said, your voice low and sultry.

Dean's eyebrows shot up in surprise, his gaze locking with yours. "Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?"

You closed the distance between you, standing so close that you could feel the heat radiating from his body. "Well, how about we take that alone time you were talking about? I think I could use a little... distraction."

A slow grin spread across Dean's lips, his eyes darkening with desire. "I like the sound of that, sweetheart."

With a swift movement, Dean swept you into his arms, his lips crashing down on yours in a fierce, passionate kiss. The world melted away as you lost yourself in the heat of the moment, the taste of him intoxicating and addictive.

As the kiss deepened, the hunger between you ignited, a primal need that burned with an intensity that was impossible to ignore. Dean's hands roamed over your body, his touch igniting a fire within you that threatened to consume you both.

With a sense of urgency, you stumbled backward, your lips still locked in a desperate embrace. Dean pressed you against the nearest wall, his body flush against yours as he devoured you with an insatiable hunger.

Every touch, every kiss sent sparks flying between you, a symphony of desire that crescendoed in a dizzying whirlwind of passion. In that moment, there was nothing else in the world but the two of you, lost in a haze of pleasure and longing.

When you finally came up for air, panting and flushed with desire, Dean's eyes met yours, a fierce intensity burning in their depths. "God, I've missed this, Y/N," he murmured, his voice husky with need.

You smiled, a rush of warmth flooding your chest. "Me too. Now fuck me winchester."

[storiesoflilies]

school bus love (4)

synopsis: a series of successes, but it can’t always be sunshine and rainbows, can it?

pairing: teen!toji fushiguro x teen!f!reader.

warnings: none.

a/n: i’m done with my exams and i’m freeee! to celebrate, i’ve dropped more lily lore hehe. apologies if this isn’t the best, i’m so so tired, but i really wanted to post today! enjoy my darlings xo

part 3 // part 5

toji fushiguro was an exceptionally hard nut to crack.

throughout the past two months, they had sent each other daily streaks. as per usual, she sent her usual quirky streaks to try and pique his interest. to her credit, it worked quite a number of times, as they’d had quite a few conversations over snapchat. they hadn’t been flirting, but it was still progress, and she was absolutely ecstatic every time she managed to crack toji’s enigmatic shell and draw him in.

however, they never spoke in person on the bus.

“you’re both bizarre,” her bus buddy had commented in private, rolling her eyes. “how can you snap each other every day and then not even speak actual words?”

she bit her lip nervously, swinging her heavy backpack higher onto her shoulder. “i don’t know! i’m too shy, maybe he is too?”

her bus buddy sighed heavily and rolled her eyes, clawing for her revision notes from somewhere inside her tote bag. exam season was in full swing, and having any sort of distraction was far from ideal. she was studying hard, but with thoughts of toji rippling in the back of her mind like a tantalizing fruit swinging high up on a tree, just out of reach.

she noticed that he often deflected the conversation back to her whenever she asked him slightly more personal questions. toji seemed to more interested in hearing about her old life back home, about the way of life and culture. while it was nice that he took an interest, his deflections and apparent unwillingness to reveal much about himself made her seriously doubt if toji had any sort of feelings for her.

chasing after him was maddening, and still so very addictive.

however, she had to decide when it was time to go cold turkey and cut her losses, but that time wasn’t just yet.

a movie was playing in the background as she peacefully lounged in the living room after a particularly long day at school. the rain hammered down outside, creating a pleasant hum of droplets hitting the roof, and she snuggled up further into the couch with her steaming mug of tea.

“so, how’s the handsome boy doing?” her mom suddenly perked up, sipping a glass of fizzy water. “the one at the bus stop.”

“oh, toji? we’re still talking.”

“you’re still just talking? he hasn’t asked you on a date yet?”

“mom, don’t. it’s exam time, i’m not thinking about that right now, and i bet he isn’t either.”

“alright, alright! i’m just saying, maybe you should take the initiative instead of waiting for him.”

she contemplated that with a finger placed thoughtfully on her lip. she’d always wanted to be asked on her first date, not the other way around, and it was a sentiment she wanted to hold on to for as long as possible. moreover, she wasn’t even totally sure that toji liked her back.

the plan had to shift; she had to step it up just a notch.

that night, after sending a picture of her midnight snack of avocado on toast and successfully attracting toji’s attention, she laid out the bare bones of a subtle plan. a plan that involved an indirect suggestion that should hopefully end with him asking her to see the latest avengers movie with him.

haha, so true. have you seen endgame yet?

toji fushiguro: nah not yet, wbu?

nah, not yet. i rlly want to tho 🙃

toji fushiguro: ah yeha, me and my friends are going on tuesday

well… fuck.

oh nice!! haha no spoilers though

toji fushiguro: hmm oh well now you mention it

toji fushiguro: nah, dw i wont i’m not that much of a dick haha

yeah lol, well hopefully i can see it before i go back home

that was a good nudge, right? it wasn’t too subtle. if he liked her, then surely he would take the initiative now.

toji fushiguro: oh when r you goin back?

a week after my last exam, can’t wait lol

toji fushiguro: i bet, it’ll be so much better than here

ah it’s not so bad here haha, wbu? what’s your plans for the summer?

toji fushiguro: so how hot does it get over there in summer?

she felt deflated, like a giant hot air balloon loosing all its shape and spluttering into a mess as it hurtled to the ground. why was toji so reluctant to answer such simple questions? it wasn’t like she was asking him to reveal the deepest, dirtiest secrets about himself. her heart was only half in the conversation after that, and she indulged his questions for a while before it fizzled out, like a sizzling party sparklers doused in an ice-cold splash of reality.

would this crush soon fizzle out in the same way too?

side note: i told my boyfriend i was writing this little drabble series about us, and his exact response was, “ew, why?” he doesn’t like to admit that we were cute. he’s a big grump, but i love him very much lol.

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