#THE LONELY NEGLECTED CHILD HAS LOVE AND SUPPORT AND FRIENDS???

[completeoveranalysis]

[9]

;_;

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[moonlightseve]

There is something tragic about Viktor Nikiforov. We get to see so little of his values and personality during the show, but the bits you can glimpse make this fact abundantly clear.

He commissions his own music in order to tell the story he wants to tell — we know that for sure. So Stammi Vicino was exactly what he wanted, a desperate plea for someone to understand him, to want him. The line “have you been abandoned as well?” sticks out to me especially, because it implies Viktor already has been abandoned. We don’t know much about his family or his friends, but the fact that we only ever see Yakov supporting him kind of makes me think that that’s all he has. He himself says he’s neglected life and love for over twenty years… it’s hard for me to accept that he could have any sort of fulfilling familial or platonic relationship we just don’t see on screen and for that statement to remain true.

The façade he insists on, the image of victory incarnate that even follows him in his name (he is a victor, down to his core) is something he never sheds. He has identified who he is SUPPOSED to be, first and foremost. The beach scene where he asks Yuuri who he is supposed to be for him breaks my heart because it has to be a conversation he has with himself regularly. Who do other people want him to be, and how can he be that for him? Never mind his own desires. The man is so reigned in emotionally that we don’t ever see an outburst from him, despite the fact that they’re frequent from the other characters. Viktor is calculated in every regard, to the point that Yuuri is downright shocked when Viktor starts to tear up when he’s practically kicked out of Yuuri’s life.

Whenever he tries to coach Yuuri, he seems to reflect on how he has been treated in the past and use that as a starting point. So when he refrains from the smooth confidence and gentle reassurance Yuuri favors, instead trying to motivate him through fear of loss and attempts to shame him (I will stop being your coach, how have you not medaled) it makes me think that that’s how he has been handled in the past. And he has a thicker skin than Yuuri, I think, but he was only a child when he started skating. To completely lack that sort of unconditional support explains why he hides so much of himself away and insists on constructing an image of himself for other people to admire instead.

Since we aren’t getting Ice Adolescence, I doubt we’ll ever really know what his early career or childhood looked like, but I’m almost certain that it wasn’t the warm, loving environment we see Yuuri has in Hatsetsu. When you’re at the top, there’s no one that can be up there with you. It’s lonely.

[agentrouka-blog]

Hi ! Sorry for bothering you with HOTD discourse AGAIN ,but I really wanna know your thoughts on Alicent and her kids relationship.

Have a good day/night !

Within the show, the energy I get from their relationship is less mother-child and more eldest daughter raising her younger siblings because no one else will do it.

We watch a child still mourning the loss of her own mother, still just toying with the role of the Maiden that society affords highborn girls (a figure of romance and chivalry, afforded admiration and glamor), and we watch her already struggling with a sense of doom and dread regarding their society and her powerlessness in it, expressed through her hands.

Then we see these fragile identities entirely taken away without a choice. She doesn't get to be a girl anymore, she doesn't get to explore the illusion of agency as a desired maiden wooed by handsome knights. She is suddenly transplanted into the role of a physical body that must endure its own violation for the purposes of others. Her children are things produced and birthed and cared for in a state of dissociation. And there are no rewards in it, no trade-off in power or status to replace the small safety she had before. She is profoundly lonely, no one takes her seriously. The father who should have protected her sacrificed her for his political goals, the one friend she thought she could relate to has coldly abandoned her. Her husband is her constant violator whom she must appease. There is no maternal mentor around her at all. She's deeply traumatized and depressed and trapped. She keeps trying to return herself to that previous state of self, if only through recreating her friendship with Rhaenrya. How is this child supposed to find the emotional resources to bond with the children she had no choice in birthing?

Then Rhaenyra's betrayal robs her of even any illusion of support from that end and her father's departure removes his remnants of protection, company and control. It's an implosion, and we see her make the choice to find a new self. The green dress moment.

So somewhere in the off-screen period following, she also takes control - as far as she can - of her relationship with her children. She - their traumatized teenaged biological mother - chooses to be their protector because there is no adult around who will do it. And it is hard. There is no ease in it. The one child she could have a blueprint for (Helaena) is neurodivergent and speaks an entirely different emotional language. The boys struggle with patriarchy from the male perspective, she finds it difficult to access and regulate that sphere. But she tries. She really tries to find ways to relate to them and to apply her own values, her own identity. This is where we see her true self. Through trying she comes to truly love them. But she can't just compensate for everything wrong. She can't compensate for Viserys's neglect, she can't compensate for the years it took her to form an adult identity, she can't compensate for the toxicity of their society and she can't compensate for the danger they all live in. There are rifts of disconnect and pain and miscommunication. She is their mother but she is a mother with visible flaws and limitations who cannot protect them as she tries and they know it. It removes her from a pedestal of serenity and calm authority that this Identity(tm) is supposed to have. So there is more loneliness in it, more failure, a lot of frustration and struggle. But it's open struggle and it is genuine care and I find it deeply compelling. I find it more honest and genuine than any other parent-child relationship in the show.

[vasito-de-leche]

;R1999 PAVIA - General Headcanons

Compilation of headcanons and analysis on Pavia as a character and other related things.

the post about Pavia's love languages and how he shows his affection got a lot of love, so I'm doing a lil more thinking into his character to rlly flesh out how I see and write him before getting to write the second part of that post <3

just a heads up, its preeeetty fucking long. but all of my posts tend to be lmfao

On the subject of Pavia, loneliness and trauma.

In this post talked about the concept of showing affection (not exclusively romantic but just in general) and the relationship Pavia has with his reputation, both as a lone wolf and a skilled mercenary, which affect the way he interacts with those he might deem close for better and for worse. So it's only fair that I do that again in a more general context.

Let's get this out of the way. One cannot talk about Pavia without mentioning or alluding to his solitary lifestyle in some way or another, we've all read his 02 Story, but to only read him as someone who fakes this aura of confidence and who feels deeply insecure and lonely 24/7 is an obvious disservice to his character.

Pavia is defined by a strong sense of self which, yes, originates from isolation and neglect. And you may read this as an active choice for survival, a coping and defense mechanism or the natural progress of someone who has had no one to rely on but themself - all of these readings are valid and can easily coexist! But I would like to insist that Pavia as we know him is confident and comfortable in his own skin, happy to live as an outlier to conventional norms and behaviour.

And that's because he's weaponized loneliness into a strength and a shield. He's outgrown that small, neglected child in the basement.

Hell, in his interview with Pandora Wilson, he mentions the fun of "causing pain" onto others, in the context of his presence being used as a "punishment" for others. He's surrounded by people he considers stupid, and he has fun at their expense when they try to bring him into their shenanigans. Pavia is a confident asshole, it is not a façade for a sad boy.

One quote in particular comes to mind when discussing this aspect of Pavia.

Go back to Rome, where the wolves were born. Said my former boss. He knew I was born in Rome, but didn't know I was raised in Piemonte. He was such a fool, even tried to kill me. So I only kept his tie clip. I didn't tell him that as long as the night will come, everywhere I live is Piemonte.

This line in particular, from my reading on it, speaks volumes about how Pavia has reclaimed the night - alluding to the one place he was forced to live in for his entire childhood, a dark and isolated basement, the concept of loneliness itself - as something that defines him and should inspire fear into others. His wolves are made out of darkness, his Ultimate in-game shows him manifesting out of a dark fog on the ground. And the context of that quote is hostile, it's Pavia's former boss telling him to go back to Rome, and Pavia mentioning that no matter where he goes, as long as the night comes, he's home.

One could argue that the quote is meant to be read differently - instead of Pavia reclaiming something that hurt him to now empower him, he's haunted by it. No matter where he goes, he'll always be in Piemonte, in that dark and isolated basement, with no one to pull him out. And that's fair! To each their own, both are banger readings on that dialogue. I just personally think the former fits better with the character as a whole.

The former reading is also supported by his 02 Story, where he describes the wolves that his Arcanum abilities manifested as "friends he found in the darkness and would never leave him".

One wolf hid behind another, and the pack surrounded him in the darkness of the night. They held each other's heads and tails and coiled together like snakes, bringing with them warmth and restful sleep. These were the friends he found in the darkness, ones who would never abandon or leave him, and who would forever watch over him.

In his Cover profile, his Afflatus is also "Mourning of the Feral Pack [Beast] Night View".

And when you check Pavia's small description in the Role Garment menu, his main garment and the one unlocked at Insight II form the following phrase:

He's always alone, both in the basement and on the street. It doesn't matter now, though. He will never be "alone" from now on.

His Afflatus, his Arcanum abilities, every small detail - everything points towards Pavia owning the night and the darkness that used to hurt him so much as a child. Because it cannot hurt him now that he's made friends with it, in the form of shadow wolves who will never leave him. He's not stuck here with you, you're stuck him with him. (that Insight II quote will be relevant again later when I talk about the lack of? Humanity? so to speak? in Pavia's character)

But anyway! This doesn't mean that the discussion on Pavia and loneliness/isolation should stop there.

After all, his Afflatus also says "Mourning of the Feral Pack" - mourn what exactly? A lost childhood? The family he could've had if his mother hadn't been admitted to an asylum? The young and innocent child that died in that basement so that the current Pavia could exist?

Who knows! Talk about it, it's fun and I love to read other people's takes! <3

On the subject of trauma specifically, I do see Pavia as someone who lives in the present and doesn't think much about the past - he only mentions his parents once in a seemingly disinterested manner, stating that he never visited (and most likely will never visit) his mother. Piemonte is where his abusive aunt raised him, but he shows a certain pride in his city anyway.

It's not that he's overcome and healed from his trauma, it's that he doesn't even register the things that happened to him as traumatic experiences due to the distance and recontextualization of everything.

The fandom portrayal of Pavia as a deeply lonely person often comes hand in hand with him being touchstarved and the experience of feeling any semblance of genuine human connection for the very first time - but I would like to offer an alternative, explained in the next bullet point.

On the subject of Pavia, conventional society and his pack of wolves.

Pavia's official description, as seen in this tweet made by the official global account of the game, is the following:

An independent mercenary lacking in collaborative skills. Employers are content with his excellent abilities, but can't stand his work ethic of ignoring his coworkers.

This, along with his other quotes and the interview with UTTU, point towards how the world sees Pavia as a nuisance of sorts - a punishment, we know this - but it also points towards Pavia's rejection of conventional society.

The way Pavia behaves, the way he insists on maintaining the barrier between himself and conventional society, the pleasure he takes in making others suffer just by BEING THERE NEXT TO THEM, the stress he puts into being alone - it leads me to think that THIS is the result of his trauma.

It's not a deep seated loneliness, it's not yearning and secretly wishing for genuine connections, it's not a fear of the dark or enclosed spaces - it's an absolute and total rejection of the world that failed him.

Pavia cannot feel or grasp loneliness on the same level as other characters might because there is not a single person in this world he would rather spend his time with other than himself. The details of how he got out of the basement and began a life of crime haven't been revealed yet, so I won't theorize about it, but I like to think that everything that Pavia is and represents is one big "fuck you" to a world that left him to rot in that basement.

It all loops back to the previous point - by rejecting mankind and society as a whole, Pavia becomes the opposite: a beast who acts on his own accord rather than the rules that make up polite society. And in doing so, grows closer to himself and his pack. In doing so, he allows his humanity to slowly slip away.

The Insight II quote I mentioned before is a great example of this - the change in his sprites shows Pavia's eyes changing, now with black sclera and sharper teeth, darkness (and two of his wolves) surrounding him. He will never be "alone" from now on because he is now ONE of the pack, because this is where he belongs.

The medium for his Arcanum (not the "wand" used to cast spells and magic, those are different things from what I understand) is "Beast Teeth". Compare this with other characters: Zima's medium are poems, Dikke's medium is the law, Sonetto's medium is curiosity. An arcanist's medium seems to be a concept or object that represents who they are and what they believe in, something that is essential to their life and dear to their core. Pavia's is beast teeth. He's a beast Arcanist.

I like to think that Pavia based his behaviour, knowingly or not, on his pack of wolves. After all, he's the one who conjured them, it makes sense to me that he would subconsciously latch onto them. This would explain his more animalistic traits that show just how disconnected Pavia is from what a regular human being should be.

You guys freak me out when you sleep. What kind of people needs such a long sleep like that? Fall in a coma like a crispy critter, and wake up 8 hours later. …Only god knows how you can do that.

This dialogue implies that Pavia cannot wrap his head around a normal sleeping schedule - which is extremely ironic, considering that wolves sleep a LOT. But I'd attribute this more to the dissonance between him and conventional society than Pavia trying to larp as a wolf. We have to understand that he spent most of his days sleeping away the hunger, that he went on to reject the company of other people - it makes sense to me that he wasn't taught or didn't get to see how a normal person should behave in theory.

Despite this rejection, we can clearly see that Pavia enjoys a very hedonistic life - going on clubs, having a sweet tooth, wearing fancy clothes, shopping, films and whatnot (He's literally wearing Louboutins, guys. The soles of his shoes are RED). He plays the role of mercenary quite well, too. But it doesn't strike me as a writing inconsistency or hypocrisy from his part, Pavia is known for doing whatever he wants, one of his hand tattoos spells "LIBERTA" or freedom in italian, so this tracks. It's hard to be a hypocrite when your moral compass is all about being a wildcard.

I mentioned this in my first Pavia post, but the items attributed to him are all said to be cheap, fake or crudely hand-made.

His glasses are a copy of an actual Italian brand that no one would ever think of mistaking for the real thing, his bracelets and rings are dented and damaged, Pandora Wilson even goes as far as calling it junk. They even describe his earrings as rough workmanship. And yet, Pavia brags about his clothes and enjoys shopping. There's that small dissonance again - he enjoys bragging but does not know (or care) about the actual value or authenticity of his material possessions. (Pavia wears fake Louboutins, this is my headcanon, thanks for coming)

He plays the role of mercenary quite well, too. I'd also argue that the more violent aspects of his personality have to do with his line of work. This tweet confirms the majority of Pavia's tattoos and what they say - the one on his arm is "La Cosa Nuova", the sicilian mafia for those who didn't know. I won't go in-depth about the real life actions of such group, but it's clear that Pavia is or has been part of it within the world of Reverse: 1999.

Entering headcanon territory.

The two bullet points from before were mostly just analysis on how I read Pavia based on all evidence in-game, but now I get to talk about personal headcanons I have about him <3

I've explained pretty much everything I wanted to say about Pavia for now, so these are just gonna be rapid fire headcanons.

First of all, Pavia is a light sleeper.

The lightest sleeper you'll ever meet, even a soft whisper could wake him up - but this isn't because of some hidden fear of waking up back in his aunt's basement. Because he had nothing to focus on but the sounds within that basement, he greatly developed his hearing and his Insight II development further heightened his senses. Pavia is used to dark, silent spaces, so any unknown noise will put him on edge and wake him up. Sometimes, he pretends to sleep to get out of doing work.

Contrary to popular belief, he doesn't move at ALL when sleeping and tends to stay in the same position throughout the night.

This is something he learned, rather than something that comes naturally, because he tends to sleep with the pack and there's little space to move without accidentally kicking Andrea or Leon in the face.

Next. Pavia doesn't know that he resembles his mother a lot.

As for his mother, there are two possibilities: One, she's truly dead and he doesn't know, based on his 02 Story where his aunt confirms that Pavia's mother died a few years later, as well as Pavia's dialogue in which he talks about his mother as if she were alive. Two, she was alive the whole time and Pavia found out years later that she was committed to an asylum and his dialogue about his parents is correct.

Regardless, I like to think that he never saw her again once he was taken into his aunt's care, and that she never told him that the reason she put him in that basement was because he looks so similar to her "deceased" sister. Since they weren't there to raise him and he didn't hear anything about them from his aunt, Pavia holds no resentment and no love towards his parents, because they're total strangers to him.

Next. His wolves' names are interchangeable.

Pavia cares for his pack, and the wolves care for him in return - they were created for that very reason after all. Their dynamic and relationship is a mystery to everyone and it's much too complex to even put into words, but because they're still magical constructs he creates, their behaviour and individuality relies heavily on Pavia's skills as an Arcanist.

There are days in which it's very easy to confuse them, and there are days when it's very obvious how to tell them apart. He's had years to perfect them, to "raise" them if you will.

While the pack might not be around 24/7, they're always in the back of his mind. He can also communicate with them because of it. They don't mind if Pavia confuses them, but if someone else does it? Prepare to get bitten to death, I guess!

[baldurs-writers-3]

Budding Friendships: A Baldur's Gate 3 Rec List

This week, we have Budding Friendships!  Check under the cut for eight amazing fics showing our favorite characters bonding and growing to trust each other, and as always, comment and kudos if you like them!

Short Rest by AbigailMoment (1828, General) Warnings: fantastic racism (anti tieflings) Pairings: N/A

Gale, Karlach, Wyll and Tav take a rest and get to know each other and help each other

Reccer says: i liked the multiple disabilities angle and them working together to make things easier for each other, offering advice and being supportive

one day you'll figure me out by new_space (3640, Teen) Warnings: Canon Typical Violence Pairings: Astarion & Friends

Astarion gets shot by a poisoned arrow and decides it's a great idea to try to keep it a secret from his new companions. His friends do not appreciate this.

Reccer says: This whole series is full of delicious team bonding and well written developing friendships, but I'm always a sucker for whump, so I had to rec this one primarily.

stars growing brighter by hermitized (3478, General) Warnings: None Pairings: Gale & Halsin, Gale & Tav

when Gale's orb stops taking treatment but before meeting Elminster, Halsin offers some comfort and kindness

Reccer says: it's so soft! i love Gale having to explain his situation to a new person all over again, and Halsin figuring out everybody's deal, and there's best boy scratch too!

Metamorphose by baozisdragon (1317, General) Warnings: None Pairings: Astarion & Wyll

Astarion doesn't seem to like Wyll all that much, and Wyll would like to know why

Reccer says: This is an absolutely delightful exploration of the hero/unsaved conflict and I love it

Expectations by yellow_craion (7526, Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Wyll & Tav, Wyll & Halsin, Wyll & Gale & Karlach

A few days after joining Tav and their party of adventurers and sparing Karlach's life, Wyll gets a fever. He's surprised when others are serious about taking care of him.

Reccer says: has everybody being protective of Wyll, all the longing and touch starvation, and a look at Wyll's lonely past

how you tried to hide in darkness by prettyaveragewhiteshark (1947, General) Warnings: N/A Pairings: Lae'zel & Shadowheart

Just a semi-fluffy little one-shot of Shadowheart at camp, dealing with her Shar wound and finding comfort from an unexpected source.

Reccer says: This fic does a great job at capturing Shadowheart's voice and tone, as well as an unexpectedly sweet moment around the campfire at camp.

Broken Little Puppets by BlackjackKent (1797, General) Warnings: N/A (Mentions of each character's past abuse) Pairings: N/A

Karlach supports Astarion after a nightmare about Cazador's ritual - and gets a little support herself in return.

Reccer says: This is an excellent, short and sweet one shot exploring the relationship between Karlach and Astarion. Draws some great parallels between the two by comparing their histories and their thoughts about their abusers.

My Friend, the Bhaalspawn by nyepexeren (36460, Mature) Warnings: Graphic Descriptions of Violence/Childhood Abuse Pairings: Tav & Durge

This childhood/found family fic is set in an orphanage traces the tale of Tav and Durge, and features child abuse/neglect alongside realistic pathways to recovery.

Reccer says: In addition to being well-written and true to character, writing realistic children, the fic builds in a growing mystery that keeps readers enthralled.

The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ!

Next week, we’ll be back with another character rec list, this time focusing on Astarion!

[cloud-navi]

⚠️ spoilers ⚠️

My thoughts on:

Camp Cretaceous season one

Darius

Feels pretty basic, not bad. Understandable feelings of grief from his dad.

Kenji

Loud enough to hear considered obnoxious, but I counter that with: Daddy issues (obvious from the start, very happy they pulled that around for season 2 and Chaos Theory).

Darius and Kenji

In episodes 1 and 2 they both get in trouble and Darius takes the blame for it after Kenji admits that all he’s really done/wanted was to make his dad proud. Darius gets angry because Kenji “lied” about wanting to make his dad proud, but really, thats not a lie. Kenji, (assumption) is likely an only child, with no mention of his mom, and his dad is extremely neglectful and manipulative. Only showing attention to Kenji when he wants something from his son, or use him as a tool as seen in season five. Kenji didn’t lie about wanting to make his dad proud, making his dad proud get him the attention that he rightfully deserves a human being and as a child. lonely children like Kenji tend to act out because they want the attention that they aren’t getting when they need it, attention is very important during development and neglect leaves emotional scars and affect how they behave. I think Darius, as an adolescent didn’t quite understand that point of view because he sees Kenji, how Kenji wants Darius to see him. Overly confident, laidback, cool. So Darius, who also had a wonderful relationship with his dad, didn’t have the insight of “Lack of parental support/attention = Lack of self-worth/masking as someone cooler then (they think) themself even if that means a few lies.” Except, he didn’t lie. His mask cracked, he told the truth. Anyone with neglectful parents can tell you, before you start resenting your parents neglectfulness, you resent yourself for “not being good enough,” blaming yourself, just wanting to make them proud (✋).

Because his behavior stems from neglect, it also dictates the way he’s acting in season five, which is some thing the other characters seem to struggle with understanding and having empathy. Darius and Ben are probably the youngest in the group, so they may not pick up on those signals, They should still be in developing their empathy and understanding other peoples experiences than a five year old. Out of all of the main characters, I only give Brooklyn a pass. it feels really shitty that your friend is doing some thing that y’all are all against and have been against for almost a year, but you need to understand. They are not focusing that they are focusing on getting some thing they have been deprived of since they were young (parental love, and engagement), which is a very valid reason to have tunnel vision. I also don’t like how Mai the researcher in season five, didn’t point it out to them in a way that they would understand Kenji‘s position, but I also don’t remember if she had the chance to. Will come back to that later.

Ben

Literally my favorite cinnamon roll baby in season one, I adore his relationship to bumpy. Ump is a fucking angel. And I like how they bring a few of the seasons down to the wire with bumpy near the crossfire. It’s a good way to keep bumpy as a main side character.

Yasmina

Also kind of flat, not much to say. She’s more introverted doesn’t talk to people as much doesn’t like to be on camera, really shy, with trust issues. I understand why she feels betrayed when she finds out Sammy did lie, but also for her age (15) I think it’s both reasonable and irrational for her to lack in understanding and having empathy as to why Sammy was doing what she did. Reasonable for her to feel that way, considering she has issues with trust. But also irrational to disregard Sammy’s motive for what was happening. 

Brooklyn

Not many notes on Brooklyn either, though it’s clear that she also hasn’t had much real social interaction, considering her whole career started since she was like 10 (mentioned in season two) so she hasn’t had much real socialization outside of the Internet. I understand why she’s angry with Sammy when her phone is taken, and when it is proven after everyone has told her to shut up about it so many times before. However, just like Yasmina, I think she needs to chill out with blaming Sammy. You might not have known why at the time, but what Sammy was doing was pretty understandable in my opinion based on her character and what her experience. Being upset was reasonable, but blaming Sammy for the events at Isla and not being able to get off the island, was completely irrational considering who do you think was gonna pick up the phone? Do you think they were going to get there in time? Do you think they would Believe the probability of their survival was high enough that they would send a team when there was a huge evacuation of an giant park and you weren’t even at the park. I think they’re being unreasonable at the time, it’s not like Phone would’ve charged enough, or the fact that when the island lost power, it’s a no fly zone and there is no service (revealed season 2).

Sammy

I can see why she could be considered obnoxious, but more so just allowed and bubbly person. I like Sammy I can understand her motive, and what she was doing, if I believed in myself that much to complete those tasks, I would do it too. In her position, her family was on the verge of losing their farm so they got a loan that ended up being really bad people, and left them with the only choice of losing their livelihood or using their daughter as a spy. Sammy has a large heart, and clearly a lot of self assurance, to rationalize her actions based on her motive. Regardless of what was happening on the island I would not be able to stay mad at Sammy. Because when you boil it down, Sammy‘s tasks would not have hurt anyone by her doing. Anything after getting the samples and information going to Manta Cor, would have been Manta Cor’s fault because it was in charge the information. Sammy‘s motives were completely out of love for her family.

Sidenote, when they are in the field in the gyrospheres, I kinda think that was completely on the kids being idiots. Brooklyn and Darius were completely at fault for nearly dying, just as much as every other person was except for Sammy. None of them listened to the person with actual experience, herding animals. Up until Jurassic Park and then Jurassic World, the books that Darius has are probably all just theorized behaviors, it would have been more valuable to listen to someone (Sammy) that has EXPERIENCE herding herbivores. Just saying.



[destinysbounty]

Ever think about the fact that Lloyd and Harumi's arcs are simultaneously parallel and inverted?

The parallel part is pretty obvious, i think. Both of them have dead parents, suffered trauma, and had responsibility and authority thrusted upon them at an unfairly young age.

That much has been commented on extensively by people far more eloquent than myself, so i wont elaborate too extensively on that. But what really gets to me is the fact that Harumi's arc is also a reverse of Lloyd's (at least during the Oni Trilogy). She's living his life backwards.

Like. Lloyd was a lonely, scared, abandoned trouble child who released forces beyond his control because he idolized Garmadon, and acted out due to trauma and neglect, but then found himself taken in by a loving family, got friends and a home, received the support system he needed to work past his baggage and move forward.

Harumi was a child who had a home and a loving family, had a healthy support system - but then had it all forcibly ripped away from her, isolating her in a castle full of strangers and what seems to be some pretty notable emotional neglect, without any opportunity to work through her issues or any kind of support. Now she is a lonely, scared, abandoned trouble child who released forces beyond her control because she idolized Garmadon, and is acting out due to trauma and neglect.

She ends where Lloyd began.

For real tho. Harumi's motives and behaviors make SO much more sense when you think of her as what she fundamentally is: a scared, lonely, traumatized kid who's lashing out

[innocentcurse]

Walking through the picturesque streets of Cardinal Hill, you find Dorothy Prior, the 23 year old Plinth Family Drugs clerk originally from Cardinal Hill, WA. Living alongside them in such a small town, you know that they're charming and scatterbrained, but what you might not know is that they are a witch, and that they’re hiding something… ― Havana Rose Liu, bisexual, woman, and she/her.

Content warnings - death.

Basics -

Full name: Dorothy Florence Prior

Nickname/s: Dot, Dottie

Preferred name/s: Dorothy, Dot by certain people

Gender: Woman

Pronouns: She/her

Age: Twenty-three

Birthday: October 31st

Zodiac: Scorpio

Magic status: Magical, a witch

Sexuality: Bisexual

Relationship status: In a relationship with Elias Schwartz

Occupation: Clerk at Plinth Family Drugs

Hometown: Cardinal Hill, WA

Familiar: Herb, the black ball python

Backstory -

Dorothy was the only good thing to come from her mother's second marriage, or so her mother always says. She was her mother's fourth daughter, and her father's only child, though it didn't take long for him to remove himself from her life.

Her mother and her sisters - along with Dorothy herself - were all witches, though her father was not. Her mother had neglected to tell Dorothy's father about their magical status, but he eventually had to find out when Dorothy's oldest sister began showing signs of her powers.

Upon finding out about the truth, Dorothy's father felt betrayed. After a dramatic incident between the two parents, Dorothy's father walked out, and her mother vowed to never love a human again.

Her mother's third husband - a witch, much like her perfect, late first husband - gave Dorothy two little sisters, both witches like the rest of them.

Despite having a lot of love in her life, Dorothy couldn't help but feel so different from her family, which made her feel so incredibly lonely. It extended to more than the fact that her father was Chinese, making her look vastly different from her sisters, though that certainly didn't help.

Dorothy felt like she constantly found herself struggling through something new, but she managed to get along just fine, particularly because her sisters had always been her best friends - no matter how she felt about her family - and they had her back.

Content warning - death. She was fortunate to have her family, and later on, many friends and a few significant others. Unfortunately, her first serious relationship ended abruptly after the death of her girlfriend, and that was when the support from her family really saved her.

The death was what inspired Dorothy to get into forensic science; she often wished that she could find out the cause for the unexpected and unexplained death, and that thought fuelled her studies that took place on the other side of the country.

It was while at college that she met a boy who gave her more support and love than she thought was possible; Elias was perfect in every way - almost every way, at least.

Unfortunately, Elias was a human, and Dorothy's family - particularly her mother - weren't so fond of non-magical humans. Dorothy couldn't blame her mom after how badly her father had hurt her by leaving, but she also couldn't stop herself from falling in love with Elias.

The couple decided to move to Cardinal Hill, back to Dorothy's coven of sisters, after they both graduated. Out of fear, Dorothy neglected to let her family know that she was seeing a human, and she also neglected to tell Elias that she was a witch.

While her family had to find out about Elias sooner or later, Dorothy has managed to keep the fact that she's a witch from Elias all this time. The guilt sometimes really gets to her, but after watching what happened between her parents, and after finding someone who she finally felt so right with, she's so afraid of losing Elias.

Personality & more -

Dorothy is one of the kindest people you'll meet, though she often leans on the reserved side and often needs the other person to initiate conversation.

She certainly struggles a lot with her mental health and image, but in general, Dorothy has always managed to remain a relatively upbeat; she's quite a big joker, and she loves adventures and spontaneity.

The support and opinions of others mean everything to her, to an admittedly problematic extent - though her mother would never guess the fact based off of how alternatively Dorothy can oftentimes dress.

Dorothy is definitely a little edgy and alternative in certain ways, such as her music taste and style. The Closet has always been one of her favourite spots.

Despite thriving in her forensic science studies, Dorothy struggled to get into the field due to personal reservations. She tells everyone that the plan is to move from the drug store into a 'real profession' one day, but for now she's comfortable using her excessive pharmaceutical knowledge for a clerk.

[cocomoonskysailing-2016]

Reflection 🪞

When I was younger, I met someone I thought I liked. I was a shy quiet person and didn't know how to reach out so I was on Facebook messenger and text messages. I knew I was questioning my identity, and who I loved, and I thought I could trust them. I was going under a lot of stress with a family member going through cancer and I overwhelmed them with ramblings they didn't bother to read. But their parents got involved and showed the school.

I don't remember much about being pulled out of school other than it being right before Christmas. My parents knew I needed more support with social skills, but the school didn't have much they could provide me. I ended up spending 8th grade mostly alone because it felt like everyone was against me so I just stopped talking. I would interrupt conversations that didn't involve me, and didn't know the right people to approach, so I sat at a lunch table by myself. One day when I was lonely I sang out loud "someone like you" when it clearly wasn't the right time and place for it, and a trip to the guidance office to be told to stop singing, no matter how I feel.

I was removed from participating in what I wanted to do because I couldn't accept that one person out of the class didn't want me to be their friend and it felt like I was making too much eye contact. I remember being told that having a YouTube channel was "wrong" at 13 and I might regret it someday. I have all these skills in media arts, but now I hope to find the motivation to use it.

Years later as I look back now as an adult, I wish I had more self restraint in accepting rejection. It didn't help me believe in myself when I had a resource teacher yell at me almost every day for 3 years telling me I need to do better when I am trying to stay motivated and still treat people with kindness. It made me afraid of authority and being able to speak up for my basic needs. I don't remember how I graduated high school beyond mapping out every restroom break to avoid an accident, yet people started to value what I had to say, sometimes people enjoyed learning from me or listening to me. The sense of community brought me inspiration and warmth I still carry in my heart. If my voice could only reach back through the past and tell them some people need to go their own ways, so other things can glow for you.

When I look at the person I lucky enough to call my partner, they are everything I could have dreamed of. They have their own issues, but they are trying their best, and I believe they have what it takes to succeed. The importance of showing love for yourself within so it can be shared with others over time. Everything in life happens for a reason.

My inner child still screams out loud for diapers because I still get sensory overload using the toilet. I have the awareness of an adult and I know what people expect of me, but I don't always know my limits until it can't wait any longer. I still value being responsible even if taking cate if my needs looks different. I am in therapy and trying to move on from it, but I still need to try to believe myself. My twin sibling has severe disabilities that make them like a small child with no short term memory and they just locked up their bathroom door again after a thunderstorm made them have a meltdown. I need to move out someday, I do not have the physical or emotional capacity to care for him if my parents pass away, but I don't want to be labeled as neglectful when I have felt ignored for my own needs.

Normally I just throw these writings away, but maybe posting it here can reach someone? Instead of drinking alcohol tonight writing this, I'm stimming/hand-flapping to some music. I need to smile more.

[queen-of-bel]

What do you think makes Izaya who he is?

my fave character of ever.. i actually moved cities a little bit ago and i didn't bring my novels with me, so i don't have direct quotes, but i will try my best to remember which novels stated what

I think there are five major things that influence Izaya's personality:

1. His parents were neglectful, which meant he had to essentially raise both himself and his sisters. It went about as well as you'd expect it to, and Izaya carries guilt over how his sisters turned out. He never got the support he wanted from his family, and he's pretty good at hiding how that's affected him, but there was an interesting scene at the end of... volume 9? Where Mairu and Kururi say that they'd be just a little sad if he died, and Izaya says something along the lines of "for once, you guys are saying things that make me happy to hear instead of your usual greeting of telling me to die".

2. Building on that, Izaya doesn't really know how to interact with people in general. A large reason is because he is actually just... really fucking weird. He likes to project this image of him being a diabolical mastermind who has everything under control, but that's far from true. He's charismatic enough to trick people into thinking that, but it's actually really easy to deal with Izaya. Just tell him he's full of shit lmao. Shinra says that he's a grown man who never grew out of the "middle schooler playing make-believe" mentality, and I don't think there's a better way to put it than that.

3. He's got a huge fear of death. Between meeting up with suicidal people to understand how the hell someone can actively want death, his "forever young" mindset, and trying to wake up Celty's head because he wants to know if there's an afterlife, death is something he fears greatly and his quest to find some kind of answer or sense of peace with the idea of death really motivates his actions throughout the novels.

4. The man drowns in self-loathing. Tsukumoya heavily implies that Izaya doesn't like himself, and there's plenty of moments in the novel that confirm that. He's a really lonely person, becoming upset when he doesn't get invited to parties, and hates holidays because he's jealous that everyone else has someone to spend it with. Of course, this loneliness is largely his own fault because again, he's a fucking freak. He is actively antagonistic and pushes people away because he's too scared to get hurt, probably going back to point 1 about him never having a proper support system. But of course, when you act like that, no one is gonna want to talk to you!!

It doesn't help that the ones Izaya considers "monsters" have a healthy and and thriving social life. If the monsters are able to have friends and Izaya isn't, then what does that make Izaya?

5. Alright, the biggest event that shaped Izaya's personality. Shinra's stabbing. Izaya may have been a weird kid, but that's nothing compared to whatever the hell Shinra was on. Izaya envied Shinra and tried to emulate him in a lot of ways, including adopting Shinra's twisted definition of "love".

When Shinra got stabbed, all Izaya wanted was to make Nakura pay. He had no idea that the school would sweep the stabbing incident under the rug. He very easily could have been expelled, and forced to become a dropout. Instead, he instinctively pushed through with this insane plan to take the fall for Nakura, and in exchange, make Nakura’s life a living hell and spend every day regretting what he did.

Like ?? What the fuck!! What kind of child does this!!

It's Izaya's one-sided friendship with Shinra that gives us the biggest glimpse into his true personality. Izaya can be very loyal and selfless to people he cares about. Izaya pretended to not care about Shinra’s condition after Adabashi attacked him, but only as “payback” for how coldly Shinra treated him after he was stabbed. Izaya couldn’t help but still care for Shinra, using Ran and Mikage to knock out Adabashi, break his leg, and bring him back to Izaya’s apartment, where he remained imprisoned for days.

But Izaya also really fucking sucks. His intentional detachment from everyone else also means that he has no real sense of empathy and he doesn't care about how his actions affect others.

He's really delusional, never coming to accept the fact that Shinra is not a friend of his. Shinra treated Izaya as a stepping stone to get closer to Celty, and I think Izaya knew that deep down but never wanted to admit it. He sadly comes to the conclusion that Shinra can't be considered his "best friend" anymore after he gets stabbed, to which Mikage points out that Shinra can't be considered a friend at all.

I think ultimately, Izaya is just the product of a bad environment and extremely self-destructive behaviors. He's certainly not the most morally bankrupt character in the series, but there is a lot wrong with him.

[brokentoys]

Riddler was shown to be neglected and abused in the comics. Neglected by an alcoholic mother, and often beaten by a violent father. He was also abused by his father in The Batman 2004 series.

In comics, especially the "Solitaire" one, Eddie's been shown to be mistreated by the workers at Arkham Asylum. During Knightfall, he even confronted one that told him he'll never be sane, and he's been stated as "incurable" by Harleen before.

In the Animated Series, Eddie becomes the Riddler because he was used by his corporation and cheated out of money. We rarely ever see Riddler around any of the other villains. Other than once in trial, he doesn't seem particularly close to them or anyone for that matter.

In Gotham City Sirens, when Eddie was suffering with guilt, paranoia, insecurity, and his unwell conscience trying to convince him to return to the Riddler - it was being used by his friends (the Sirens) that really breaks him. (Until Tony Daniels stepped in with Detective Comics/Batman, but I refuse to acknowledge those horrible comics)

In The Batman 2022, Riddler grew up in an abusive orphanage, which led him to feel as though the government had failed him.

In Detective Comics Annual #8, Riddler goes on about how neglected he was, how he was bullied, and nobody cared, and also finally admits that he isn't just a criminal, but still that lonely child wanting love. In Zero Year, Batman points out in similar fashion that Riddler just wants attention. Riddler also mentions having a "thug father" in that same comic.

Riddler was also abused by his father in the Arkham series. The way he speaks about Batman in City sounds very similar to his father, then Arkham Knight confirms that Riddler projects his father on to Batman by literally saying, "Die, father!" during his boss fight. Riddler also starts out similar to Batman 2022 Riddler by wanting to expose the corruption of the government.

Whenever Eddie reforms, be it the Animated Series universe, or the general comics - almost everybody rejects Eddie. He rarely receives support even when he's being genuine, and he's told that he'll just "go back to his ways" and that he'll never be "good." Even when other reforming rogues receive more support than Eddie.

Eddie highly likely developed NPD due to excessive abuse and neglect throughout his childhood. He had no friends back then, and now his NPD keeps him from getting more.

What I'm saying is that, almost always, Eddie is a tragically mistreated and lonely character - and not only during his childhood, either. In many incarnations, Eddie is usually abused, used, or mistreated in severe ways that are almost always the reason that pushes him over the edge and inspires him to become the Riddler. What's even sadder is that Eddie has acknowledged how painful the loneliness is - yet he gets no help. It makes me sad, but it also makes him so fascinating. Though, it's a shame that nobody really acknowledges the lonely tragedy that's Edward Nigma - and instead, just goes on about how he's "uninteresting" or "too wacky."

[king-bee-sting]

Hello fellow arven stan/simp, I have a question if you don’t mind. Does he have trauma or just mom/dad issues or both? Because the way the game goes over it makes it seem like yes it was a bad event, but he was able to grow as a person and find himself through it, along with making new friends, and from what !!VERY LITTLE!! I know about trauma (as someone whose experienced it) I think it’s an event or a response to an event that changes how you respond to other stuff/how you act, and I don’t think that happens with him. I could very well be wrong though! And I don’t want to come across as trying to invalidate trauma, or say characters can’t have trauma, I’m just genuinely curious/unsure and also really really want him to be okay. My apologies if this was long or weird or both! Have a great day/night!!

OH MY GOSH OKAY

So

Spoilers ahead, obviously, we're deep diving into an Arven character inspection

I definitely feel that Arven absolutely does have s0me trauma

However because Pokemon is considered and marketed as a children's game, it's glossed over and not all that obvious/explained, since even in these times talk of trauma is often taboo, especially in children's games

But for the older audiences who knows more about cause and effect, and mental health, it's easier to spot and think about

Arven absolutely has trauma, how could he not? He has what could possibly be abandonment issues and trauma from what's essentially neglect. It was said that his parent was more often than not unavailable emotionally and physically due to being very engrossed in their research, leaving Arven to basically grow up on his own, teaching himself how to cook and take care of Maschiff/Mabostiff. This is very possibly why Arven is very closed off in the beginning; he was never given a proper example of how to socialize and accept attention. And because of his parents lack of attention this could have caused him to have some resentment for others, especially those who do have active parents.

I wasn't necessarily neglected as a child but I was very lonely and didn't receive as much attention as my brother and sister did, and growing up I was very much jealous of those who had very attentive parents, so that's why I think Arven may think this way as well

And then moving into his relationship with Mabostiff, he's certainly got some trauma involving him. It was said that Mabostiff had gotten seriously injured in Area Zero, that's why Arven went on the quest for the Herba Mystica. Arven is canonically young, a teenager, so he must've been even younger when Mabostiff got injured. His best and only friend had gotten critically injured and crippled, there's no way that did not scar Arven.

There's certainly going to be unresolved trauma with Arven and his parent, after all he had been neglected and when he thought he was going to finally give them a piece of his mind, he finds out that they had actually died and the current professor is nothing more than an AI. One who tells him his parent did certainly love him and would be very proud of who he's grown into. One who look and sounds just like his and gone into Paradise Protection Protocol. Even if it's a children's game, it's obvious that the PPP was made to eliminate any threat to the research. And I don't think I have to explain what eliminate means in this situation.

But a thing that I find super interesting is that in SV, Arven does indeed work through it and finds support and stability through the friends he's made. Even going through the effort to forgive and rebuild a more positive relationship with Koraidon/Miraidon as the titan storyline progresses. And after the main storyline, Arven goes on a personal quest to learn more about himself and where he came from, even wanting to learn more about his mom/dad.

To put it simply; yes, Arven has both trauma and mommy/daddy issues. He certainly will of course have issues dealing with it in the future, trauma like that isn't a one-and-done issue, but he's handling it amazingly well and of course he has you there to help support him through it :)

[neodracunyan]

The Perfect One|Yandere!Wednesday's Infidelity AUs x Male!Human-ish!Reader

Bio + Reader Info

Reader Info

Y/n - Your Name

L/n - Last Name

N/n - Nickname

E/c - E/c Name

F/c - Favorite (Fur) Color

F/f - Favorite Food

F/d - Favorite Drink

F/s - Favorite Sweets

M/n - Mom Name

D/n - Dad Name

Reader Bio

Name: Y/n L/n

Alias: The Perfect Child, Mouse Freak, Rabbit Boy, Cat Face, N/n

Age: 7

Sex: Male

Species: Human/Toon Hybrid (Mouse, Rabbit, Cat Toons)

Personality: (Normal & When he's around friends) Sweet, Caring, Friendly, Polite, Happy, Supportive, Kind-Hearted, Comforting

(When he is stressed out or depressed): Suicidal (Not all of the time), Upset, Livid, Depressed, Lonely

Friends: Michael Theodore (Freakazoid Mouse), Oscar Reynolds (Weirdo Rabbit), Helix Fang (Bad-Luck Kitty), Marcus Mouse (Vs. Mouse Mod), Marko Mouse (Vs. Mouse Mod), Epic Mickey, Epic Oswald, W.I. BF, D-Side W.I. BF, W.I. GF, D-Side W.I. GF, Photo-Negative Mickey (FNATI), Oswald (FNATI), Oliver the Lucky Rabbit (D-Side Marcus Mouse), Owen (D-Side Marko Mouse), Suicidemouse.avi (SNS), Outtaluckrabbit.mov (SNS D-Side Suicidemouse.avi), Julian (Puppet Mickey) etc, Mickey (Original), Oswald the Lucky Rabbit (Original), Minnie Mouse (Original), Felix the Cat (Original), Ortensia (Original), D-Side Ortensia (D-Side Vs. Mouse), Among Us Crewmate Mickey (Mickey's Miserable Night), Mokey, The Mother (FNATI), etc.

Enemies: W.I. Mickey Mouse, W.I. Oswald the Lucky Rabbit (EuthanasiaRabbit.mov), W.I. Felix the Cat (Kill Them All Felix), W.I. Minnie Mouse (W.I. Swap AU), W.I. Ortensia (W.I. Swap AU), Psycho (Secret History) Tails (W.I. AU), Needle Mouse (Among Us Imposter W.I. Mickey), Cheddar (Sculpture Mickey), Satan (Wednesday's Infidelity), Waton (D-Side Wednesday's Infidelity), The Demoness (B3 Remix Satan), Carrots (D-Side Cheddar), Labrat Mickey, etc.

History: Y/n L/n was just a 7-year-old boy, but a special young boy as he is also part toon as his ears somehow look similar to Mickey Mouse, Oswald the Lucky Rabbit and Felix the Cat as he can shift his ears into either one of them like modeling clay.

However, he was sent the orphanage from his neglectful parents because of his appearance that make him look like a toon and he was soon picked on by the other kids at the orphanage as well as the caretakers that treated him like trash.

Then one night, Y/n had enough of being bullied at the orphanage and decided to escape the place that he called, "Home" and runs through the town of Noir City at the dead of night.

Eventually, he does his best to go through life as a Toon Hybrid that soon made him feel lonely that he has no family that would even love and care for him. Until one night, when he ran into someone that he recognized on TV, it was none other than Mickey Mouse himself as he's been dealing with some problems of his own and surprised to see someone like Y/n that is half human and half toon as he suddenly has some plans for the young child that the boy can never refuse as he plans to adopt the young toon boy as his own.

Unaware, that some of the other toons like Oswald and Felix in the black and white world want the boy as well as they planned to capture him and keep him for themselves.

What will Y/n do when he is trapped in a never-ending nightmare full of toons that wanted him as the Perfect Child to have as their own?

[ao3feed-destiel-02]

Make Me Feel That I'm Alive Safe and Loved

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/UFJ3YKo by serragracewn Dean Winchester, an omega, struggles with deep-seated self-worth issues stemming from childhood trauma and a family that never valued him. His best friend Castiel Novak, an alpha, has always been by his side, secretly harboring feelings for him. One rainy night, Dean’s loneliness and pain drive him to a breaking point. Cas finds him and finally confesses his love, taking on the role of protector and healer for his omega. As Dean slowly begins to heal with Cas's care and affection, they navigate the rocky path toward recovery and mutual love. Words: 4045, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 6 of Omega Verse Hurt/Comfort Fics Fandoms: Supernatural (TV 2005) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: M/M Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural) Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Omega Verse, Omega Dean Winchester, Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Broken Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester Has Issues, Dean Winchester Has PTSD, Dean Winchester Has Self-Esteem Issues, Dean Winchester Has Mommy Issues, Dean Winchester Has Daddy Issues, Dean Winchester Has Trust Issues, Childhood Trauma, Family Issues, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Neglected Dean Winchester, Abused Dean Winchester, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Dean Winchester is Not Okay, Weak Dean Winchester, Vulnerable Dean Winchester, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Caring Castiel (Supernatural), Comforting Castiel (Supernatural), Worried Castiel (Supernatural), Possessive Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel Saves Dean Winchester, Castiel Takes Care of Dean Winchester, Castiel is Protective of Dean Winchester, Castiel Comforts Dean Winchester, Caretaker Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel to the Rescue (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Self-Hating Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester is Bad at Self-Care, Dean Winchester Learns Self-Love, Dean Winchester Deserves to be Loved, Dean Winchester Deserves to be Happy, Castiel Deserves to be Happy (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Get the Ending They Deserve, Loving Castiel (Supernatural), Loving Dean Winchester, Sweet Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sweet Dean Winchester, Sweet Castiel (Supernatural), Supportive Castiel (Supernatural), Overprotective Castiel (Supernatural), Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Bad Parents John Winchester and Mary Winchester, Bad Sibling Sam Winchester, Guilty Sam Winchester, Guilty Mary Winchester, Lonely Dean Winchester, Heartbroken Dean Winchester, Friends to Lovers, Guilty John Winchester read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/UFJ3YKo

[hero-inebob]

My relationships

William- selfish, delusional, pretentious, asshole

Zack- manipulative user, asshole cunt, liar

John and John- took advantage of me, Did not care about me at all. Predators.

John- bizarre personality, awful kisser, I was just lonely.

Russell- another weirdo, mistake.

Cameron- controlling, only wanted sex, did not care to understand me as a person, temper issues. Pressured me into sex acts almost every chance he got. I was too young.

Ryan- too young and immature, Did not care about me, but I could barely remember his name now.

Matt- was like 2 different people. Treated me well as a friend, but hated me as a girlfriend. Heart broken.

Benjamin- Grew to dislike me, I think. Extreme commitment phobe.

Brandon- piece of shit addict, using women for shelter, used me and shat me out. Lied about everything. His family was also pieces of shit who somehow thought I was the one not good enough. Cunts the lot of them. Dated again after divorce to find out he was still a cunt when he broke my heart a 2nd time. Apparently, very charming to have fooled me a second time.

Chaz- still can't say his name without feeling uncomfortable. Nearly the most fucked up person I have ever met. Used me, abused me, raped me, and traumatized me. Filled with malice and hatred for everyone and an absolute failure in life. Love bombing, gaslighting and lied so much I questioned my own memory. Also, a pedophile and a narcissist with a severe case of borderline personality disorder. I don't understand how anyone could be capable of so thoroughly destroying a person inside and out the way he did me. I only defended myself. I did nothing to warrant that level of abuse. He did take the time to get to know me but ended up using the knowledge of all my weaknesses and vulnerabilities against me. He broke and remade my brain into something he controlled. I had to remind myself for the longest time that he deserves to be where he is.

Every female friend I have ever had plus my former and current sisters in law - Cunts. Giant cunts. They taught me self-hatred first. It still hurts to this day that Stephanie only ever attempted to speak to me once years after her and Keith's divorce and never again and never returned any of my messages. She was my sister and we had been so close. I only realize now from what I can remember that she was probably immature and selfish and still is to this day.

My brothers- As kids, it seemed like they hated me because of constantly being picked on. It was borderline abusive. Keith's constant issues with drugs, jail and insanity was traumatizing all by itself. I could write a book about it and the depression and pain it caused.

My parents- I felt emotionally neglected by both of them as a child. It didn't matter if they tried to show it, I could never feel it due to the constant fear of judgement and the terror from physical punishment or threats of physical punishment. First suicidal thoughts at age 10 is definitely a bad sign. I know there were good and happy times, but I remember best the feeling of fear. As an adult, it was easier to see that they do care about me a lot. They have changed a lot over the years too. I know they suffered abuse and neglect in their own childhoods and only had an authoritarian cult of a church to help them figure out how to be parents. In the end, they let love of their children win out and they are much better parents and grandparents. They have always supported me when I needed it.

Christina- I love you. You have helped heal a lot of my trauma. We have had our ups and downs but you have stood by me and taken steps to change when I needed you to. You are the only one that has treated me with kindness without selfish motivations other than my family. I trust you as much as I can trust anyone. And I am still trying to get better after a lifetime of awful relationships. I still have to survive and provide for our family at the same time and sometimes the resources for healing just aren't there. Have patience with me. All my close relationships in my life have been shite but I am having to undo their damage.

[capri-fandomwriting]

Camilo x Male Reader - Boy in the Window (Part 2)

(part 1)(part 3)(part 4)

Plot: A paranoid and lonely boy falls in love with a shapeshifting member of a family he’s scared of.

Triggers/Content Warnings: Enemies to lovers, hurt/comfort, child neglect mentions, cursing.

A/N: Thank you guys so much for the support! I’m surprised, to be honest, that my first post ever got so much love!

Forgot to mention this in Part 1, but both you and Camilo are 17 in this fic. Also this is the peak of the "enemies" phase, don’t worry, it gets better for them.

"Camilo! Time to get up!" Mirabel called out through the door of her younger cousin. Yet the boy didn’t respond.

Mirabel knocked on the door, only to hear a depressed groan. She slowly creaked the door open only to find the boy laying down with his face partially covered by the pillow he's resting his head on. His cheek puffed up slightly due to the pillow. He traced circles on the ground, kicking his feet in the air.

"Camilo?" Mirabel asked, which caused Camilo to hop to his feet.

"Mirabel! Uh…" Camilo stammered, "Good morning!" He weaved around her only to be met with the girl's hand wrapping around his wrist.

"Camilo, is there something wrong?" Mirabel asked. Camilo wormed his way out of the grip and backed into the guardrail, which pushed him back into Mirabel.

"Uh… I’m fine! I’m totally fine!" Camilo lied.

"Camilo, you know you can tell your family anything!"

"Yes, and that’s why I’m telling you everything's fine!"

"Oh, Camilo’s in love with a boy that lives in that house that everyone thinks is abandoned," Dolores said from across the way.

Mirabel looked like she had just had a revelation. Camilo looked like he wanted to die, which he actually did want to.

"Hm!" Dolores squeaked before running off.

————

You took a small piece of chalk and ran it across the wall, the lines coalescing together into a large drawing of a flower.

Your mind keeps fluttering back to yesterday. With Camilo. He was… well… you're ashamed to admit he was cute.

Your father always told you to never trust a Madrigal. He told you they always helped others but that was a front. In truth, they are lying and deceitful people, one of them being a shapeshifter is just proof of that in your eyes.

Luckily you had a defensive measure, never leave the house. That way, none of them can cross you.

Your drawing was complete. Unfortunately it failed to bring your mind off of that Camilo boy.

You moved over to the kitchen, pulling out some of your purchases from yesterday and cutting them up, making a small salad before carefully moving to the table. You shrank as you ate alone. You wanted someone to eat with you so badly…

The chair across from you has been empty for five years. Your father left when you were 12, and you had to fend for yourself. It bothers you sometimes but you've learned to suck it up, right? You can handle things well! No tears!

————

"Camilo, that boy you're in love with is crying," Dolores whispered to Camilo, who turned sharply towards his sister.

"I told you, I'm not in love, I just want to be friends with him,"

"That's… not what it seems like to me…" she said, before squeaking and running off.

It took a solid minute for him to register what Dolores said beyond "that boy you're in love with," and with that sudden realization he barreled out the door.

His feet ran faster than he could have imagined towards your house. Head filled with worry and panic.

He suddenly skidded to a stop as he noticed your window was open, approaching it with caution only to notice the interior walls of your house was filled with art, and that you were currently drawing on one of the only slots on the wall that had no art on it.

He watched with intensity as you worked the chalk on the walls into the shape of a person with no distinct features, just… a person.

Camilo couldn't help but marvel at your colorful walls.

"Wow…" he muttered.

But that was enough. You jumped a mile and dropped the chalk, running over and grabbing the sides of your window, attempting to close it on Camilo.

"H-hey wait! I'm sorry! I was in the area and I saw your drawings through the wi-"

"Bullshit!" you respond, "You're spying on me! You and your family!"

"Wha-… huh?" Camilo seemed confused.

"My dad told me to never trust a Madrigal. That they're skeevy liars who backstab when it's least expected,"

Camilo was stunned. Completely stunned.

"What's worse? Your powers? All of them! All fit for that kind of stuff! Hearing everything? Perfect for finding out if the town loves you or not. Weather control? Raining hell down upon the town!"

"What…?" Camilo had his heart broken three times over, and with every scathing comment against his family twisted the knife even further.

The boy found his family… evil?

"…and you?"

Camilo froze.

"You shapeshift. You freak me out, okay? Like, I’m not sure which person I’m talking to is actually you! And… and… I just…"

You were burnt out. All these years of anger and hatred that you had bottled up were unloaded onto Camilo.

"Please just… don't talk to me… ever…" you say, hurt becoming more apparent in your voice, "I don't want… little Mr. Perfect to take everything I've ever had… all I've built up… I don't want the Madrigals to take everything from me… again…"

With that, you closed the window, leading Camilo into a tragic state of confusion and sadness.