#THE LEVEL OF CHILL IN MY BODY IS -2 AT MOST TIMES

[kpopmultistanfanficarchive]

PART 1/2

WORD COUNT: 2.3K

RATING: Teen and Up

A/N: Listen...ever since that GoSe episode, I have been having Seventeen zombie apocalypse AU brain rot. I can't help myself.

Synopsis: A world in chaos. Walkers closing in from every side. You're alone, hardened by weeks of survival in the forest, until two city boys—Mingyu and Wonwoo—stumble into your life, clumsy, scared, and woefully unprepared.

You waited with baited breath to see if you’d been followed. Although you were fairly confident you hadn’t been, the smaller ones were sometimes difficult to hear approaching until they were dangerously close. Cautiously, you hid yourself behind a tree, your knife at the ready.

Your breath hitched as rustling neared you through the trees. You smeared mud across your body to dampen your scent, and readied your knife, prepared for the worst, but hoping that the small hoard that you’d seen in this corner of the woods from time to time would simply stumble past as it normally did. In hoards of two to three like the one you’d grown accustomed to seeing, they were generally less of a threat, as long as you stayed quiet and out of the way.

The rustling turned to pounding footsteps. You hoisted yourself several branches up the nearest tree to get a better view or what lay ahead in the forest.

Luckily, it wasn’t the walkers.

Unluckily, it appeared to be a clumsy set of boys, one weighing heavily on the other as they fought through the brush, the taller one at the lead, looking frantically over his shoulder while gripping tightly to the other, who followed only a half step behind, seemingly being led.

They were clearly running from something. Which led you to believe that your less-than-friendly neighborhood walkers were also in the vicinity.

Against your better judgment you jumped out from your hiding place, causing the taller of the two to jump and scream. The other stumbled, his grip on the taller faltering as he staggered forward, clutching tightly to the baseball bat that he had over his shoulder.

“G-get back,” the taller shouted, dragging the other boy behind himself as he leveled a knife at you. Even with his weapon at the ready, there was a fear in his eyes that told you he wasn’t prepared to act, “w-we don’t want any trouble. We’re just passing through.”

Taking your chancea, you reached past the weapon in the taller boy’s hand and grab his wrist. “Shut up and follow me,” you grumble, leading both of them in a clumsy chain to your hideout - a small indent right on the waters’ edge that served as a decent enough shelter for the time being.

You came to a stop at your makeshift camp, dropping your pack and turning to face the two panting boys. “Drop your weapons,” you instructed in a hushed tone, pulling your own knife from its place at your side and looking between the two of them. “Now. quickly.”

“But-i-we-”

“I’m not going to have either of you stabbing me in the back now that you know where my stash is. Drop your weapons or I'm about to get a whole lot less pleasant.”

“This is pleasant?” the taller remarked, causing the smaller to shove an elbow into his side.

“Shut up, Mingyu,” the shorter of the two snapped under his breath, tripping over your fire pit only a second later.

Mingyu. You stored that away for later.

“Are either of you bitten?”

“N-no,” the shorter of the two said, rolling up the sleeves of his jacket to prove himself. The arms and hands were the most frequently bitten areas - held up in defense in a last-ditch effort to save oneself. Seeing that they were clean of any wounds brought you relief.

Mingyu mimicked his friend’s actions before rolling his sleeves back down to protect from the brisk autumn chill.

“I can tell you’re from the city,” you said, putting a hand on your hip. “Your strong hold in the city became overrun or you ran out of food, and you decided to run for the hills. You haven’t been out here that long or you would know better than to go stomping around the forest the way that you were. The walkers can’t see, but they can smell and hear for miles. You didn’t know that. I’m betting there’s plenty of other things you don’t know. So, if you want to stay alive your best bet is to stay with me. But if you don’t want to, that’s fine. Just stay quiet as you’re making your way off of my turf. You may want to roll around in the mud on the bank before you go. Covers up the human smell.”

The two exchanged a look before they both relinquished their weapons, dropping them in a pile at your feet. “Thank you,” you said, collecting them and stuffing them into your pack for safe keeping, “do you have any supplies? Food?” you asked, pulling out your empty bottles and turning to the creek to begin replenishing your water stores.

“We, um,” Mingyu let his own backpack fall from his shoulders before pulling out a single water bottle and joining you at the waterfront, “we left in a hurry. Didn’t have time to grab much, so…we’re running pretty low.”

You looked between the two boys. Ideally, it would be better for you in the long run to be alone. Quiet was better when avoiding the walkers, and these two clowns seemed to be anything but. They seemed utterly helpless. They weren’t hardened from weeks on the run like you were. Still, though, you reasoned with yourself…they were at least big. You were confident that they wouldn’t be much help against the walkers, but at the very least having two big men in your vicinity may be enough to ward off any marauders in search of supplies. At least that was something.

“Well…for as long as our interests are aligned…you’ve got my help if you want it,” you said, offering a hand for Mingyu to shake which he gratefully reciprocated. “I’m going to catch us something to eat. Do you know how to build a fire?”

“I’m sure i can work something out,” he said with a weak smile, slapping his knees as he pushed himself back to standing, setting to work finding firewood.

To your surprise, Mingyu did end up being entirely serviceable in building the fire. And after you’d caught several fish, he’d insisted on cleaning and cooking them himself, using your tin can cooking setup to heat up some rice along with the fish and doling it out to the three of you in even portions.

You ate in silence, huddled around the remnants of the fire as the water babbled just feet away. You had yet to hear a single word from the smaller of the two men since your chance encounter, and he seemed far more hesitant toward the entire situation than Mingyu did. 

“What’s his deal?” you asked, waving your tin of rice in the boy’s direction where he ate quietly by the waterfront.

“That’s Wonwoo, he’s just a quiet guy. There’s no deal,"Mingyu said simply. “He lost his glasses while we were escaping the city. He can barely see a foot in front of his face. It’s been…unsettling for him.”

You hummed noncommittally. “How long have the two of you been out here?” you asked, shivering as the sun sank below the skyline, leaving you with nothing but the dim glow of the fire to light the small area surrounding your camp. “Can’t have been out here too long if you’re both still alive. No offense.”

“None taken. We’re hopeless,"Mingyu agreed with a sad little smile, “our apartment was right in the middle of the city, so when the breakout first happened, we thought it would be safest to hunker down and wait it out inside. We figured the military would arrive eventually to evacuate the city, but…they never did. We barricaded ourselves in our living room - it’s what the health administration was telling everyone to do on day one - and then…we just waited. We only left a couple of days ago when we finally ran out of water. By the time we decided it was time to leave…the city was just crawling with walkers. I didn’t think we were going to make it to the lobby of our building much less out of town. We thought that was it when we encountered a hoard of them this deep in the woods. We’re lucky we ran into you when we did.”

You pursed your lips, unable to put words together to express how their story made you feel. You’d never had the chance or the option to hunker down at home like they had. When the outbreak began, you’d been at work, on the edge of the city. As soon as you saw things going to shit, you grabbed whatever you could carry on your person and ran, hid until the initial surge had passed, and then broke into a convenience store to stock up on supplies before heading for the mountains on foot. You’d survived since then scavenging abandoned encampments, staying close to the water, and remaining out of sight. It’d served you well up to this point.

“It gets really cold out here at night. We’re going to have to find the two of you something heavier to wear. It’s only fall; the denim isn’t going to cut it in the winter.”

“Well hopefully by the winter we’ll have all made it to Tongyeong, yeah?” Mingyu mumbled with a hopeful glint in his eye. “That’s where we’re headed. I…assumed you were headed that way, too.”

“To Tongyeong? That’s…a really long way on foot, Mingyu. Why - what’s there?” you asked, suddenly intrigued.

The look of shock on his face took you by surprise. “There’s…a colony of survivors out on the sea. We heard about it on another camp’s radio our first night in the forest. The walkers can’t cross through deep water like that, so…they took out fishing boats and yachts and…you didn’t know?”

“I…had no idea,” you remarked, your gut clenching at the thought of there perhaps being some semblance of hope on the horizon. You hadn’t let yourself feel anything close to hope in weeks. Your only goal had been to survive until you couldn’t.

“Then what was your plan?” Wonwoo asked from his perch by the water, clearly having been listening in on your conversation from afar.

“Didn’t have one,” you conceded, “I was just trying not to die.”

A heavy silence filled the valley then.

“Well, I guess it’s lucky that you ran into us then,” Mingyu finally piped up, clearly unwilling to sit with the silence any longer.

“I guess we’re all just as lucky as three suckers can be during the end of the world,” you said. “Tomorrow, you’re going to continue heading south?”

“That was the plan.”

“And you’re okay with me coming with the two of you?”

“We’d very much prefer it,” Mingyu scoffed, “you’ve been out here longer. I don’t think there’s a scenario where we’ll make it without you.”

“So…I guess we’re a team, then.”

“I guess we are,” Mingyu said, a look crossing his face that you found difficult to read.

“That’s his I’ve got the hots for a girl look; be careful,” Wonwoo called with a tinge of amusement in his voice.

“You can’t even see me, asshole,” Mingyu barked.

“Yeah but I can hear it from here,” he snarked back, “just do me a favor and don’t make any moves until we’re safe. There will be no forest breakups making things awkward.”

Turning to you with undoubtedly flushed cheeks, Mingyu murmured, “Do you think I could kick his ass quietly enough to not draw attention?”

“No,” you snorted into your tin, “but once we get to the coast, you’ll be home free.”

“I think that’s the encouragement I needed to keep pushing on, believe it or not,” Mingyu chuckled, shaking his head and sobering quickly.

“Well…we should get some sleep. If we’re going, I want to be out of here at daybreak so that we can cover as much ground as possible tomorrow.”

“Do you want to go in shifts? I can go first if you want to get some shut eye," Mingyu offered.

The idea struck you.

You hadn’t been able to sleep more than an hour straight since the beginning of the outbreak. Alone in the forest, facing both the living dead and marauders in search of supplies and food, you had to be on high alert at every second. 

And now you have the option to get a decent night’s sleep.

You weren’t entirely sure you’d be able to sleep a solid night, no matter how much you needed it.

“Why don’t you two go first? I want to catch more fish for us to take. We don’t know when the next time we’ll find a food source will be and we’re days away from Tongyeong if we make quick work of it.”

“Okay,” Mingyu nodded, exhaustion visibly taking him over. He didn’t argue. “I’ll turn in then. Wonwoo?”

“Yeah, I’m coming,” he agreed with an exhausted yawn, making his way into the small excuse for a cave that you’d been using as your temporary home.

“There’s an emergency blanket in my pack if you two want it,” you said, heading toward the waters’ edge with your fishing line in hand.

Things quieted again as the two roommates got settled and you looked out over the water again. Finally, you felt a swell in your gut, something that you hadn’t in nearly a month.

You had a glimmer of hope.

[katsy-kitty]

the thing about me is that I'm not a chill person (extr anxious) but I am (generally) a nice person

and so e.g. I just made a CALENDAR REMINDER to remember to respond to a mutual's post because I don't have the time now

[bandomgay]

Tmi tw lol idk

[reverie-starlight]

kenma for the soul <3

gn!reader, no physical descriptions. this was in my drafts for so long that I forgot abt it. based off of my own routine when I get a panic attack. I believe I wrote the bulk of this after one, actually.

warnings: depictions of a panic attack, my own personal coping methods (I swear they make sense in my head) and kenma being soft for you. this was edited at like 2 am so if there’s some mistakes… no there’s not.

it’ll pass.

you know that. you’ve known that for years, actually, yet somehow the sentiment doesn’t hold up in the moments you need it to the most.

kenma watches as you switch between sitting on the edge of the bed with him and pacing the length of your bedroom.

he really feels for you. he still gets panic attacks from time to time, after all, so he knows the basics of what you’re going through like the back of his hand.

he’s still trying to learn your specifics, though.

he’s observant and he’s strategic. with those skills, he’s gathered that you do not respond well to sitting still and taking deep breaths.

you continue pacing and wringing your fingers together, clenching and unclenching your fists and shaking your arms out (he recognizes this as literally trying to dispel the panic from your body).

he watches you closely, wanting to figure you out as soon as possible so he can utilize his strategic side and end your suffering. are you trying to tire yourself out? why is it that you don’t find the breathing exercises useful? why doesn’t sitting still and meditating benefit you?

oh… of course, why didn’t he think of that sooner?

you don’t like those coping methods because you see it as another opportunity to focus on your trigger. by trying to stop it, you just end up thinking about it more. they require you to be aware of every sensation in your body, but if you’re moving around a lot instead, it acts as a distraction.

so he’ll need to help you redirect your train of thought some more.

“babe,” he calls out quietly, not having the energy or willingness to be any louder at two in the morning.

you don’t stop pacing, but you look at him and nod to let him know you’re listening.

“let’s go to the kitchen.”

you blink as he gets up and takes your hand, leading you out of your bedroom. he hopes the change of scenery and mystery of what he has planned brings you out of your head a bit.

“kenma-“ you start, voice raw from the crying you did earlier.

“do you want to make cookies?”

you watch as he goes to the fridge and gets some water and ice cubes. (he read once that the ice can shock you out of panic and act as a good redirection strategy.)

you take the glass when he hands it to you and allow the chill of the ice ground you a bit.

your head feels clearer now. the panic had mostly subsided well before you were led out of the bedroom, but you had continued pacing anyway.

in your mind it makes sense- relaxing too soon, when it’s not quite gone, gives it the chance to come back and restart the cycle all over again. tiring yourself out and distracting yourself with the familiar movement patterns that helped stopped it in the first place…

it’s always worked for you.

and now, sitting up on the barstool by the kitchen island with kenma, you definitely feel the exhaustion.

so you shake your head. “no, I’m too tired, babe.”

he nods, successfully getting a read on your energy level. “okay,” he says. “drink your water, I can make toast for us.”

you blink at him. “why?”

he shrugs. “you must’ve worked up an appetite with all that walking, right? I got winded just watching you.”

you snort, surprisingly, and the corner of his mouth lifts up a bit. “I guess so… oh but kenma, I kept you up, you must be tired too.”

he gets the bread ready to put into the toaster and glances at you over his shoulder. “you do realize you’re dating someone who once streamed for twenty-four hours straight, right? one late night is nothing.”

you sip your water and hold an ice cube in your cheek, letting it melt. “still, I’m-“

“and don’t apologize. I know that’s what you were about to do.”

you sheepishly look down into your glass and let the silence linger until he presents you some buttered toast. “remember how I told you I used to get really bad panic attacks in high school? the ones I get now aren’t nearly as intense as those, but I do still know how draining they are,” he rips off a chunk of bread and feeds it to you. “it’s not too much to care for you, okay?“ he knows the feeling of being afraid to be a burden well, too, unfortunately.

you smile and knock your head against his as you chew. “thanks, kenma. I love you.”

there’s still a lot he has to learn for you, but he knows that if this were a video game, it’d be the easiest level he’d ever complete.

“love you too. now let’s finish this and get to bed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@dira333 some kenma :3

[toaarcan]

C3E107 Thoughts

Okay first point of order, obligatory screaming about Abubakar flying an ocean to do a surprise return as the Arch Heart, you love to see it.

The Arch Heart's plan is interesting but I think they've either not telling the whole story or they're making a mistake. They assume that, in a moment of panic of Predathos being released early, their siblings will all flee. Except we know Melora would stand and fight, and we know that two of the gods are not Tengarian and therefore they have no past track record to base that thought on. They've got no clue what RQ and Vecna will do when the chips are down.

Of course, it's possible that the Arch Heart is hiding the truth. They said themselves that they are sneaky and that they were there without the knowledge of the other gods. They also kept stressing that they were being honest. Which could well be a lie. DC30 on the Insight check to see through any bullshit. The gods may have a different purpose for putting Predathos into a person.

The reality they've claimed is that the gods are currently in argument over what they should do about the Predathos situation, and the Arch Heart believes that if they have time to come to a conclusion, they will choose to fight. Whether that means war with Predathos or war on the people trying to release it, who can say. Either way, if they all come back, inevitably the Betrayers will try to kill mortals again, and the Primes will fight them. Calamity 2 will happen if mortals take too long to stop Predathos.

Ultimately the idea of cramming Predathos into Imogen or Fearne does not seem like a good one. We just spent the better part of 103 episodes watching Laudna struggle to keep Delilah under control. Delilah is the soul of a mortal fucking wizard. And Downfall illustrated the vast gulf between mortal mages and gods. It also showed max-level mortal bodies being disintegrated by the raw power of an unbound deity forcing its way out from within them. And the plan here is to cram a more-powerful entity into a Lv.13 Sorcerer or Druid and expect Predathos to not immediately escape or hollow them out and wear them like a cheap suit?

Then again, given the way it was being talked about maybe they are aware of this and recognise that whoever becomes Predathos' vessel is functionally or literally dead and doomed to chase the gods across reality for eternity, and that's a sacrifice that some have decided they are okay with. Either way, not a great plan.

The two members of BH that are most happy with the Arch Heart's idea are Dorian and Ashton, who are reacting to it like the perfect answer has finally been given to them. But it's not Dorian and Ashton who are going to be tasked with becoming the vessel. Imogen really does not want Predathos released. Fearne is more curious but Zathuda is actively trying to groom her into the perfect vessel and Shardgate was born out of Ashton convincing her to go with her gut and give him the Shard instead of taking it for herself, and I worry that with them on one shoulder and Zathuda on the other, Fearne may end up going with the plan and dying for it.

As for who the deity that agrees with the Arch Heart is... I don't think it's the Matron. The Arch Heart's words around her appearance are "You've heard my side," as if to imply that she represents the other. She was also one of the more reluctant gods when it came to leaving and building the gate, and she was consistently the "Stop doing hubris" one during Downfall.

The Arch Heart definitely did not have an answer for whether Predathos will harm mortals accidentally in pursuit of its meal. Also there's a probably-god chilling in the heart of the planet who isn't going to be running anywhere so that's not a great sign.

Zathuda and the Unseelie's dissatisfaction with Ludinus speaks to one of the bigger flaws in the Ruby Vanguard's plan. We've seen the gulf between mortal wizards and gods in Downfall, but Ludinus assumes that if he kills the gods then mortals will sit atop the food chain. Except they won't. There are a lot of entities that live in the gulf between mortal and divine, like powerful Fey, and also the Fiends the heroes keep running into. Zathuda evidently looks down on Ludinus and intends to betray him. To chase the gods away will open up the throne they've abdicated again, and it will not be a mortal wizard that sits it (nor should it be), it will be a devil or a demon or an archfey.

[strongheartneteyam]

I wet you like water but she stained you like blood.

Chapter 2

Pairing: widowed!dilf!Jake Sully x younger!female!human reader

CW: angsty as hell, Neytiri is dead in this AU, unrequited love, older man & younger woman relationship (y/n is in her 20's), feeling like you're only there to fill in the gap someone else left (Neytiri, in this case), mentions of death and being a widow, complex feelings, talks of trauma, CAN BE TRIGGERING TO SOME, mentions of sex, mentions of sexual fluids, reader feeling guilty about being with Jake not long after Neytiri's death

Not proofread. And I can't even read what I just wrote, without even correcting it, because I have to feed my cat and take care of dinner right now. I'm just praying this stuff makes sense. I'll correct any mistakes as soon as I can. Sorry in advance lol This amateur writer here never has enough time on her hands...... 🥲

Chapter 1 𓆩♡𓆪

You're so much older and wiser

And I wait by the door like I'm just a kid

Use my best colors for your portrait

Lay the table with the fancy shit

And watch you tolerate it

If it's all in my head tell me now

Tell me I've got it wrong somehow

tolerate it (Taylor Swift)

𓆩♡𓆪

Jake was a widowed father of 4, he was an attractive, responsible, charming, older man. And he was also funny when he was just chilling, hanging around his friends or his family. Last but not least: he had a delicious "dad bod", a word people came up with to describe older men who are still toned but have some cute fat here and there.

You were a girl in your 20's, a young xenobotanist living in Pandora, who used to spend her nights alone, eating cup noodles, watching and rewatching old TV shows from when the planet Earth was still a place where humans could actually live in, and feeling lonely. So, when Jake Sully got his eye on you, you fell head over heels for him.

You knew well you could never replace Neytiri. Even after her death, she still had a place in Jake's heart that nobody, not even you, would ever be able to claim as yours.

Still, you could not let Jake go. Still, you insisted in staying. Still, you didn't seem to love yourself enough to say to yourself "I deserve better" and wait for a guy who actually loves you, not one that seemed to only love your company and well... your body most of all, as it seemed.

Okay, maybe you shouldn't think this bad of Jake. You knew he felt really connected to you, in a deep level. You two would talk late at night and he would always be vulnerable and tell you about real personal and deep stuff about his life - the one in the human body and the one in the na'vi body -, while the both of you would eat roasted meat and fungi, up in some tree in the middle of the Pandoran forests. But you knew he did not love you. Even if you could feel his heart beating fast through his chest when he kissed and touched you, away from everyone, never in front of anybody, because you two were adults and knew damn well that situation, him seeming like he was so happy and living his best life with another woman, a much younger human girl, who was at an age where she could actually be his daughter, wouldn't sit right with anybody, not human, not na'vi - given that he had children that were still mourning the death of their mother (one of them being a little girl, Tuktirey).

That sacred feeling, love, was saved inside of Jake's heart for Neytiri, his deceased mate, even after death. He bonded with her through tsaheylu. You, as only a human, no neuro queue to connect with his in sight, knew you could never compare to that primal bond he had experienced with her. But worst of all (you felt horrible saying "worst of all" but you knew you didn't mean it like that, like you didn't care about other people's feelings), Neytiri was the mother of his children. She might be with Eywa now but you knew Jake would always remember her looking all beautiful and incredibly feminine carrying his first born, Neteyam Sully, and his other two biological children in her belly (Kiri was adopted after her biological mom died, a dear friend of the couple, Grace Augustine. Kiri was a miracle kid. Her mother was bearing her inside of her body after her own death, inside the lab. That was crazy stuff your human mind would never understand, you thought. Only the na'vi could understand the magnitude of Eywa's power. You yourself knew she was strong and respected her but didn't love and worship her like they did.)

Thinking about the way Jake must still adore the memory of Neytiri and think about her and even cry missing her gave you a big lump in your throat and made you wanna throw up. You felt like the worst being in the Universe thinking like that, but you swore, truly, that feeling that way was not you being a petty selfish girl, jealous of the man you were currently in a situationship with and not even considering to have some respect for his grief and the grief of his children - who had just lost their mother -, but it was actually the love you felt for Jake manifesting in your body, in a psychosomatic way. The pain and desperation you felt thinking about the possibility of him never getting over Neytiri made you sick to your stomach, it made the bones inside of your flesh ache.

The first time you saw him talking to Norm one day at the lab, his tall, large frame in all its glory, his blue skin so beautiful, his dark blue stripes adorning his whole body in intricate patterns, his long brown hair falling on his toned back, his tail looking so cute, reminding you of a kitty cat.... "I'm fucked" You thought to yourself. "Am I really catching feelings for this older na'vi man who will probably never want me in this way?! Damn, he's still mourning his dead mate.... Neytiri died not even a whole year ago... I must be evil to be thinking about him this way at this moment. Stop that, you crazy stupid heartless girl."

You looked at him again and he was smiling, his fangs touching his lower lip. He had such a cheerful, precious smile, even though you knew he had been through a whole lot of pain and trauma in his life. "He must be really strong and resilient. That's beautiful." You thought to yourself

Jake Sully had the right amount of muscles but still had soft flesh in all the right places, his tummy just perfect enough for you to be able to squeeze it if you wanted to, his thighs thick but the muscles were balanced with sweet softness. He made you feel a raw kind of heat in your lower belly and think about him just before sleep, like you were a damn schoolgirl. Sometimes (okay, many times...) he made your panties slick with your own juices when you imagined him taking you in his arms and kissing you hard, dominating you like you were his. Which you wished you were. Until one day that wish was fulfilled. You were in cloud nine when that happened.

Jake had been in the marines back when he was human and lost the movement of his legs, being left needing a wheelchair to move himself around and do day to day activities. He lost his twin brother back on Earth, too, after he - Tommy - had been mugged. And now, he had just lost his wife to death too and was left alone to take care of his 4 children. Poor thing must have PTSD, if the na'vi brains were able to have the same disorders as humans brains had. You didn't know, to be honest. You were a xenobotanist. Your area of expertise was the biology of extraterrestrial plants, not the biology of extraterrestrial bodies.

The fact that he still was capable of irradiating happiness through his eyes, smile, voice and overall presence made you weak with admiration. And love, you must say. Because thats what you were: weak and in love, all for and with Jake Sully.

Too bad his feeling were not even close to being the same as yours. He loved you as a friend and he lusted over your body. He wanted to protect you from any harm anyone could ever do to you. The bitter part of it all is: he could never protect you from the harm he himself did to you. The harm being giving you pieces of what could be his love, but it wasn't. That was the worst crime he could ever commit against you. At least that's what the pungent pain deep inside the arteries of your heart told you. Every night. Every time you remembered he didn't love you, but he loved Neytiri. Everytime you got reminded of the fact that you were alive and she was dead but you still were not his favorite.

Goddammit. How did you end up competing with a dead na'vi woman over a na'vi man's love? You sure were losing your mind.

But falling in love with Jake Sully proved to you that you were not the nerdy science girl who used to always put reason first and feelings last, that you always thought you were. Not when it came to love, at least. Or not when it came to this relationship.

𓆩♡𓆪

If any of you wanna be in the taglist for this fanfic, just leave a comment 🤍 ily n hope you're having a nice day/night 💓⚘

[naffeclipse]

I own a rabbit so I'd like to add some insight for your of fox maws AU. I know pet rabbits and hares aren't exactly the same, but I'm sure some aspects are the same.

1) rabbit's favorite spot to be pet is on their forehead, and most rabbits don't like their ears being pet but mine does. She hates being pet on her back. She much prefers to headbutt you to get you to pet her forehead and cheeks.

2) rabbits tend to breath so fast (just normally) that they look like they are vibrating. Their hearts also beat very fast naturally. It's very funny to see this floof ball vibrating on the floor as I know of this knowledge and it's normal, but I just keep thinking about Y/N just vibing and vibrating and the boys just panicking like "why are they vibrating are they ok??"

3) rabbits are like r e a l l y cuddly. Super duper cuddly. They crave attention 24/7. It's adorable when you're not busy, but my rabbit has a huge huge attitude when you stop petting her for 3 seconds, she just shoves her head back into your hand and closes her eyes like "hello I did not say stop". Again, can't stop thinking of a comfortable Y/N being demanding for attention on a lazy day. Oh and binkies as a show of comfortability and affection. It's when they're running and do sort of a jump/hop randomly.

Just some information that I think would be very on brand for a rabbit to see. You already have the level of anxiety down, as rabbits are very skittish. My rabbit hates being picked up as that means it's cage time, and so she is just very jumpy when she sees a familiar body movement. As you can see, this AU is stuck on my mind

Ohhh, I'm really glad rabbits like their forehead to be touch because I've been thinking of Hare Y/N enjoying doing forehead touches! Ear touching will have to be something they adjust to (Moon likes touching their ears) but Sun would love touching Y/N's face.

PFFFT I'm cackling at the thought of Sun and Moon (and Eclipse) struggling to tell if Y/N is okay or not because they're always vibrating. Is it anxiety? Are they chilling? Are they gonna run away? Who knows!

To be fair, it's very difficult to read fox body language as two opposite emotions can have very similar gestures, such as a sharply swinging tail which means aggression but a tail wagging means happiness, so Y/N is just as clueless (and even more terrified) as the boys.

Super cuddly you say? Hmm *jots down notes* I'll keep that in my back pocket for later hehe

[masonmtxo]

In Sickness & Health

Mason Mount x OC

Summary: After a weekend away, you come home to a poorly boyfriend in need of loving

Notes: any feedback is much appreciated ❤️ it definitely helps keep fic writers motivated!

The house was silent as you let yourself in through the front door, no tv playing in the lounge or any sound of Mason shouting down his heatset in the games room. You furrowed your brow, the eerie silence a foreign sound in your usually busy home, quickly checking that you house alarm was definitely unset before confirming that Mason’s ‘find my friends’ showed his location as home.

“Mase?” You called out as you slipped off your shoes and coat, grabbing the handle of your suitcase and parking it at the bottom of the stairs before beginning your search for your boyfriend. You hadn’t seen him all weekend, having travelled to see you family for a few days leaving Mason behind to give him some time to chill in a rare break in his usually chaotic schedule. He was determined to come and visit along side you, fitting in with your family like a missing puzzle piece. But his work schedule had begun to take a toll over the past few weeks, finally agreeing with you that a weekend of rest and lay ins would recharge him ready for his midweek game, the first one back after the weekend long lull in fixtures.

You checked each room downstairs, even knocking on the closed bathroom door to check he wasn’t just in the loo, distracted playing on his phone like he was prone to, a habit that you had come to realise was had by all men. After no luck, you grabbed the suitcase’s handle and climbed the stairs, puffing slightly as you dropped the bag to the ground the second you reached the landing. You instantly noticed the lack of light coming from the half open door to your bedroom, indicating Mason hadn’t opened the curtains that morning. You weren’t particularly worried, he wasn’t the most hands on partner when it came to maintaining your shared house, always willing to help and carry out household jobs when you asked, but basic menial tasks like opening curtains or making the bed seemed to be forgotten when he was left to his own devices. You pushed the door open, reaching for the light switch but halting when you noticed the pile of sheets cocooned around what could only be Mason, curled up with his head burrowed into your pillow.

“Mase,” you whispered, glancing down at your phone to confirm it was nearly half 2 in the afternoon, making your way over to your bed and seating yourself on the mattress beside his swaddled body, noting a pair of joggers that appeared to have been discarded in his unconscious state. He didn’t reply, the sound of his deep, level breathing letting you know he was still asleep. You reached for the side of his face, gently stroking your finger over his cheek before trailing it into his hair, pausing as you noticed the skin was damp and hot. Curious, you leaned over him, your hand coming to rest across his forehead to confirm what you had felt, his hot clammy skin against your palm.

“Mason baby,” you spoke louder, keeping your tone soft despite worry beginning to spike in you chest. He was never that hot to touch, your boyfriend nearly as sensitive to cold as yourself- it was more often you’d come home to find him shivering under a pile of blankets as he sat watching tv in the lounge than it was to find him overly warm.

His eyelashes fluttered softly at the sound of your voice, tired, watery eyes slowly opening to meet your gaze, a tiny smile appearing across his lips, though it quickly dropped as if it had taken considerable effort in the first place.

“Hi,” he croaked, a shiver chattering his teeth together as he spoke.

“Hey you,” you whispered as your fingers continued to stroke back the sweaty fringe off of his forehead.

He sighed, tilting his head further into your touch, “I feel like shit,” he groaned.

“You look like shit,” you hummed, smirking at him as the corners of his mouth turned up in another attempt at a smile. “Have you had any painkillers? Or medicine?”

He shook his head, eyes closing again. You went to stand from beside him ready to fetch what he needed, but stopped ubruptly by his hand gripping yours to prevent you from moving away. “Where you going?”

“To get some paracetamol and run a warm bath,” you pressed a quick kiss against his raised hand before disappearing off when he didn’t put up a fight into the bathroom to rummage through the medicine cabinet. You quickly grabbed what you needed, turned on the bath to let it begin filling and pouring a glass of cold water. Returning to your dark room, you noticed your boyfriend had managed to shuffle against the headboard, more of his clammy chest on show as he was now sitting upright, a touch more colour in his cheeks than when you first arrived.

You sat back down beside him, silently handing him two tablets, lightly tapping down his shaking hands as he attempted to take the glass from you.

“Ive got it,” you whispered, tilting the glass slowly against his lips and letting him take a gulp.

Placing the glass on his bedside cabinet, you cupped both his hands in yours, ignoring the stickiness as you helped him slide to the edge of the bed. He turned his head away from you, letting out a few harsh coughs.

“You’ll feel so much better once they kick in,” you soothed as you supported him to him feet. Mason gripped you tightly, letting you guide him into your ensuite. He leant himself against the worktop, grabbing it firmly and giving you a small nod to let you know he was okay to stand on his own, giving you a moment to quickly sprinkle some salts and a bath bomb into the steaming water.

Turning back to him, you watched as he stood with his head lulled back, eyes drooping closed making your heart clench with sympathy for him. He was usually a wimp when it came to being poorly, using it as a pass to get your undivided attention, letting you fawn over him despite you both knowing he was simply coming down with a cold. But this time, there was no exaggerating, you could see it in the way his chest clenched every time coughs racked through his sore body.

You slipped your hands along the waistband of his boxers, gently pulling them down and taking his hands back into your own as you shuffled him to the tub, helping him in slowly.

“Thank you,” he whispered, lowering himself down until he was fully submerged under the pink tinted water.

“You’re welcome Mase,” you leant forward, pressing a kiss against the red skin across the bridge of his nose.

“Wait, where you going?” He grumbled, once again reaching for your hand to stop you moving any further away.

“To change the sheets?”

“Get in with me? Please?” His brown eyes stared up at you, a slight pout adorning his lips that he knew from experience you would never say no to, especially not when he was feeling this sorry for himself.

With a roll of your eyes you reached up to tug your hoodie over you head. Mason watched as you stripped, staring at your naked body in front of him. It was odd, the sight of you nude usually sent blood directly down to his dick, but his vulnerable state had left him admiring your body in a completely non-sexual way, appreciating every curve and imperfection of the woman he loved.

Without being instructed he slid forward, making space for you to climb in behind him, instantly leaning back into you and burrowing his head into the crook of your neck. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, squeezing him against you as you began pressing gentle kisses across his cheek, his forehead and neck. Until this point you hadn’t even considered the fact you could catch his illness being in such close proximity, but shrugged it off figuring it was inevitable, you could never leave him to his own devices while so poorly.

“How was your trip?” He whispered, voice muffled from being buried against you.

“It was lovely. Missed you though,” you leant back to see more of his flushed face, pecking his nose and smiling as it scrunched. He quickly ducked himself back towards the safety of your neck, “Mum said her and Dad will come down to see a match soon, they missed you too.”

He hummed in response, his sore muscles finally relaxing in the hot water.

•••

Time seemed to escape you as you both laid in silence, wrapped in each others arms, you fingers gently stroking over his back and head.

“Love you,” you heard him sleepily mumble after at least half an hour of silence, so quiet you almost missed it.

“I love you too Mase,” you whispered into his ear, “cmon, lets get you out and dry before you fall asleep.”

He groaned, but slowly began to sit up, letting you slip out from behind him to help him out, his wobbly legs already feeling much better.

“Cmere quick,” he reached for you once you were both out, pulling your naked body flush against his, “really wanna kiss you properly but I cant.”

“Please,” you whimpered, the feeling of his body against you making your heart flutter, “Im gonna catch it anyway at this point.”

You smiled softly up at him as his brows furrowed, contemplating what you had said before leaning down and pressing him lips against yours. You melted into him, always missing the feeling of him even after only a few days, trying to urge him to let you slip your tongue into his mouth but you felt him lightly squeeze your waist to tell you no. As much as he would love to lose himself in you fully, his mouth was dry and gross and he couldnt physically bring himself to let you kiss him properly after spending the morning coughing up his lungs. He pulled away, ducking his head to the side to clear his throat, a shiver shooting through him now he was not distracted by your lips.

“Lets get you dry hmm,” pressing one more peck to his still red nose, you grabbed two towels from the cupboard, quickly wrapping one around yourself and one around Masons shoulders, rubbing over the material to get him dry and warm. You focused at the task in hand, eyebrows pulling together in concentration making Masons heart swell in affection as you made sure to throughly dry off his legs and feet after working your way down his body.

Once you were done, you quickly dried off yourself and retrieved your dressing gowns from the hook on the back of the bathroom door. “Do you want to go downstairs for a bit or get back in bed?”

“Will you get in bed with me?” He pouted, a small smirk gracing his features. He knew exactly what he was doing and the second the grin appeared on his face you knew he was already feeling much better, the hot bath and painkillers doing him a world of good, back to charming you into looking after him again.

“If I have to,” you pretended to groan, rolling your eyes, but you were secretly happy to be back beside him. After all, nobody gave cuddles like Mason, and you’d been deprived all weekend.

Back in your bedroom you quickly stripped off the slightly damp bedsheets, remaking the bed while batting Masons hand away. He tended to be more of a hinderance, a job you found much easier to do on your own while he stood impatiently at his side of the bed. The second you laid the duvet back down, giving him a short nod, he let out a little cheer and threw his dressing gown to the floor, slipping naked into the clean sheets.

“Clothes off,” he grumbled as he watching you attempt to climb in beside him still glad in your gown.

You rolled your eyes, again, but undone the belt and let it drop to the floor in an attempt to appease your needy boyfriend.

“Fuckkk, if I didn’t think id get knackered after 30 seconds and cough all over you….,” he trailed off, smiling as he took your hand and guided you onto the bed beside him.

“Even ill you’re a menace,” you remarked, as he rolled over with his back to you, indicating he wanted to be the little spoon. He threw cheeky grin over his shoulder, letting you slip one of your legs between his as your arms came around him to hold his body as close to yours as it could physically get. Pressing a few kisses to his back you closed your eyes, soothed by the sound of his deep breathing lulling you to sleep in the warmth of your boyfriend for the first time in what felt like forever.

[funficwriter]

Celestial is Cruel (Tartaglia/Childe x Recruit!Reader)

A/N: Not much, apart from the fact that damn I got some... Fantasies. Fucked up ones but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a blast writing it. Hopping on to part 2!

Warnings: Sad, disrespect of graves, abuse of power, slight motif of punishment, kinda yandere, horny Tartaglia with even worse timing, talk of a dead friend.

He hated every single thing about this ordeal. The uncomfortable position on the tree was the least of them. At least it offered a good view of you.

He hated how you wailed like a child, because his sweet little recruit shouldn't be sad. He hated how you were laying on the tombstone, arms splayed out as if hugging your dearly departed friend, because such a passionate embrace should only be for him. He hated the flowers you got him tonight, because they symbolized mourning.

He hated it all, because you were giving everything... Your emotions, attentions, presence and more... To another man.

A dead one, too. Really, now! This is how you spent your free nights the last few weeks? Did they stop teaching cadets to not be too attached to each other? That the Fatui had death everyday?

No matter. As your Lord, he was going to put an end to this. He was going to put you back on the right path as a recruit. His recruit.

----------------

Deeper into the icy woods, laid your friend's grave. It was particularly hard to get to by virtue of being so nestled.

One wouldn't have to go as deep to hear you. It's been weeks and you still have such nights, wailing and apologizing to your companion of years. You also never dared an appearance without flowers, even if he wouldn't mind.

Your body felt cold against the tombstone. You could never pinpoint the exact time that you laid down in this manner, arms sore from sprawling them out across the stone. Perhaps once you stopped denying his death. But what really took your energy was your crying.

"I'm sorry, Julian! I'm sorry, I should have taken that hit, and you should be here! I'm sorry, forgive me...".

When you two were cadets, you were constantly warned about the possibility of losing your comrade. You were told, time and time again, 'don't get too attached to each other'. But hearing it in the classroom was worlds different than facing it. You two would laugh about it and drink afterwards, bantering back and forth:

"If I die, you better bring hyacinths instead of roses! I hate those spiral-ey shits!"

"In that case, you better tell me who's dating who over a bottle of fire-water! You can splash it on my tombstone!"

"Forget this old graveyard etiquette, you can chill out on mine if you need to get away from everyone else!"

Now here you were, with this banter being closer to reality.

Forget your status within the Fatui. Forget the heightened expectation of 'getting over' your friend because 'this happens everyday, it's part of our job'. Forget the potential displeasure of your Harbinger; You knew you were going to face his wrath at some point, but for now, you just needed some space to be a messy griever, consequences to be damned and faced.

"Julian... I don't wanna go back yet. I want to stay a bit more...".

"Y/N.".

Of course he'd seek you out. You tried to adhere to your usual duties, but it was obvious that you needed a bit more time to get back on par. Especially by his standards.

His hulking shadow engulfed your figure, even more so as he bent down to your level. You felt his hand patting your shoulder and looked up to meet his eyes.

"There, there. At least we both know that he died for the Tsaritsa's cause. The most honorable way to go.".

You sniffled: "But he was so young... We still count as fresh recruits, and he was always so resilient...".

"Yes, I know that. Julian was a remarkable unit, and a fine comrade...".

His hand could never remain in one place for too long, least of all if your body's concerned. You wanted to smack him when you felt it slide down to waist level, waiting for more. You were expecting this, but right on Julian's resting place? Really?

"But remember, my dear, that this isn't clerking; This is the Fatui. Great units are still at high risk, no matter how powerful they are...".

It wasn't fully here yet, but you knew where all of this was going. How could you not? You've been performing at a 'sub-par' level in comparison to your usual, you've spaced out thinking of Julian more than a few times, and though you did your best, many who came in contact with you swore up and down that eyes could never look as glossy as those of you losing your friend. All behavior unfitting for Tartaglia's prodigy.

It was very obvious that something has changed, and this will affect your Lord as well. He can't let you keep this up; It's his job as your superior to rectify this in whatever way he sees fit. A messy, moping recruit wasn't a good asset to have.

And you knew Lord Tartaglia - Childe, how fitting. If said way could bring him some sort of fun or pleasure, he was going to take it. For it to involve his sweet, little overachieving soldier? Well, the constant lip-licking was expected.

So did the wandering hand, pulling himself a little closer to you. Now your waist was almost encircled by his arm.

"I'm not saying you're bad for feeling like this. You're human. But you both knew what you signed up for. I myself has a couple of near-death experiences and lost comrades, and I'm a Harbinger.".

He could soften his tone all he wanted. You knew this talk was rehearsed. It sounded too much like his usual cold reading voice. You'd assume someone who felt your pain would be a little more empathetic, more supportive. But him? He was doing a horrible job hiding the excitement in his eyes, the prospect of 'putting you in line'. You looked down; The tent in his pants further told you what you needed to know. What did it matter if your face was still blotchy from crying?

You backed away while asking: "Lost comrades?".

"Yup. Ya know, I had this friend, Antony, who I bunked with back in our cadet days. He always sang for us at parties. Really fun guy. We also talked about our families so you can bet we were close.".

"What happened to him?".

The acting was losing whatever little effort it had: "Burned to death. I mourned too, I liked him a lot. But this is part of the job. This can be expected any day, any mission, and our friends aren't exempt by being loved.".

He made a good point. Julian wasn't going to be spared, and if his power couldn't save him, your friendship certainly wouldn't.

Celestia is cruel.

You looked up to Childe's face: "Anything you want to say?".

"Celestia is cruel. And so are you right now.".

Did you screw yourself over with the second part? You weren't intending on saying it out loud, but repression and your mind being on your friend 6 feet under will have you doing that.

He chuckled and decided that the waiting game was over. He got up on the tombstone, looming over you. Though you've stared into his empty blue eyes a lot, you never manage to shake off that mix of morbid wonder and fear at how... Soulless they were. Did Antony notice too?

"Me?".

"I'm sorry, my Lord, but yes. I'm mourning right now. Can we wait until we're in your quarters, because it's a grave...?".

You didn't have the energy to defend yourself more fiercely. Though you were still relatively young (at least by Fatui standards), your tonality belonged to a retired officer who's seen too much in one life.

You didn't defend yourself physically either. You didn't stop Childe from laying you down onto the stone, nor did you really admonish his lust on top of your friend's grave. You wanted to, but for one, he could easily overpower you, maybe even get harsher under the pretense of 'not obeying your Lord'. Paired up with your tired body, you felt helpless.

"You're correct, Y/N. Celestial is cruel. So cruel for seeing two adorable recruits, so dependent on each other... Then snatching one and leaving the other to suffer.".

He grabbed your hands to intertwine his fingers with yours. The backs of them were on the cool, grey stone, not at all like this fiery man above you. Like Schneznaya and Natlan. Ice and fire. As above, so below not in terms of temperature, but cruelty.

"And me... Well, I'm a Fatui Harbinger. Being a little cruel is guaranteed at this rate."

At last, he captured your lips with his. This kiss was unlike the few others you shared. He was the hungriest you've known. The most lustful you've seen.

What would Julian think?

You wanted to step back, even if the primal in you told you to stay. At some point, you did, only for him to grab your face.

"Now, now, comrade... You haven't been performing to your usual standard. It's my job as your Lord to end this. We can't fall behind the other legions, can we?".

He trailed off to your neck, nipping right where he knew you were most sensitive. Those whimpers were meant to be moans, only you weren't going to let them out.

"Wait, my Lord-".

There was the spot; right above your collarbone, just at the base of the neck. Did you really think he wouldn't know at this point? There was still a fading mark from last time, so he guessed it needed a renewal.

He chuckled and looked down into your eyes: "I know you way too well, Y/N. I'd say...".

He always liked cutting off his thoughts through kissing or nipping. You heeded out every word of his for years, it's basically an unconscious habit for you to grin and bear whatever he threw at you if it meant hearing the rest of his sentence.

How devoted. And thank the Tsaritsa for how delicious you were as well. Sometimes he pondered whether she was testing his mental endurance by sending him a recruit of such a lethal combo, along with more attributes befitting of an ideal partner, too.

To remove the last potential competition, putting him under the ground and far away from you, only served as an encouragement to take you.

When he broke away, he relished into the sad look in your eyes. Yes, you were going to be corrected for your poor performance and waste of time, at his hands.

"I'd say... You're right. Celestia is cruel for throwing you to me."

The tug at your collar was only the start. It was going to end with everything else right next to the grave.

You didn't know if souls were a thing, or if they were near, but deep down, you prayed to Julian to forgive the upcoming act.

[cosmicdream222]

Our imaginations are extremely powerful.

Ok y’all at first this might not seem like it has anything to do with manifesting but hear me out.

I’ve had an Oura ring (a wearable sleep & wellness tracker) for almost two years now, and I love everything about it. They just introduced a new feature that monitors your daytime stress. This feature has only been out for 2 days so I’m geeking about it and it’s already given me some major insight.

So, last night before bed I was watching a TV show that I’d never seen before. To avoid going into detail about triggering stuff, I will just say there was an intense scene involving a gun and lots of crying and yelling.

It’s just a TV show right? It’s not actually happening to me. I’m lying down comfy cozy in my bed. But my stress level went skyrocketing from “restored” to almost off the chart of the “stressed” zone.

My body was reacting to the situation like I was actually there.

I also need to chill tf out apparently 💀

The scene itself was probably only 5 minutes long, but nevertheless, watching the show was the highest level of stress I experienced the whole day, and I remained stressed even after the episode was over. I wasn’t mentally or emotionally upset, but my body was. I had to do a whole bunch of tapping before I could calm down enough to get to sleep.

My takeaways:

Our bodies react to whatever is happening in the NOW, whether real or imagined. Our imaginations are extremely powerful. This is why visualization/imagining/feeling it real/wtfever you want to call it WORKS. Because your human self literally can’t tell the difference between real and imagined.

Be mindful of the type of content you consume. It’s all affecting your mind and body and unconscious beliefs. Stressful, sad, and scary things are making you feel more stressed, sad and afraid.

Especially avoid watching this kinda stuff before bed, as this is the time your subconscious absorbs more and is most easily affected. Use the time before bed to saturate your mind with the good shit instead.

[halevren]

FHJY Spoilers || my live thoughts as I watch episode 8

I am playing tomodachi life as I watch this. if anyone is curious, I named my island Yorb Island. I just restarted it

IT'S OUR TIME IT'S OUR YEAR

The lip syncing

see you at basrars! goodnight everyone

"Confirmed to be dead" NO. she is confirmed to not be on the mortal plane, perhaps she simply is chilling in the astral realm (I don't want her to be actually dead she looks too lovely)

licking baby..... :(

the lobster bisque

"Gorgug's roots of never being good" CRYING

I feel adaine right now. I am in such a point where I am very antisocial

glassblowing!!!

This disadvantage stuff is actually making me stressed

There's something beautiful about the bad kids not really caring that Kristen doesn't have magic, they still love her. A true "would you still love me if I was a worm?" She has nothing to offer right now, and yet, her friends move her more than anything

Riz can't focus :(

LYDIA 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

OH NO.... ADAINE.....

A d100???????????????????

91?!?!!?! oh no

ADAINE?!!?!??

FLASH OF RED??????? HUH???? WHAT??? WHAT IS GOING ON??

Not Cassandra???? Familiar scream???

"Maybe it's not your fault at all"

"Yeah I definitely killed her..."

Fiendish aura??

"I out wretchrot on it!" "oh good..."

"I thought it was because he was a straight man wearing the pride armor"

"Are you talking about emo music...?"

Lala Embers..

AW DON'T CRY

I feel like the cup of tea..... would be the worst idea

"All drums welcome!"

"What the fuck are we doing?"

there's a nudity tent

There's nothing wrong with a body 🔥

CASSANDRA WAS MARRIED?

I can't wait to see all the theories after this episode

"I don't want to talk about it"

"Do you want a bardic" no one wants fig'd bardic 😭😭😭😭

oh thanks goodness he has meticulous notes

Theothantic silence

There's so much information being thrown at us

Gods could always remember dead goda

"I thought you were dead" oh my

Lucy was possessed...

AYDA MENTION!!!!

OH MY GOD AYDA MENTION!!!!! ADAINE MENTIONED AYDA!!!!

Alter Emo

"It's all natural, man"

"sexy"

BUCKY!!!!!!!!!! BUCKY BOY!!!!!

24 point starts have to be the red crystals

I love all this theorizing. This feels like a debriefing

"Wretchrot is so fucking god at his job."

Minor illustration running drills 😭😭😭😭

"That's my owl bear!!!!"

"8 foot Fabian on the field next week"

"You know how you see the unknown? You shine a light on it."

"Pop off my first prayer"

A 6TH LEVEL SPELL SLOT?

a lot of invisible naked people

I want to partake in this festival

FICUS

MURPH IMMEDIATELY PUTTING HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS AFTER FIG TURNS INTO WANDA CHILDA 😭😭

not a mosh pit environment

4 1/2 long pipe??!!? ;!

"You wanna get fucking high?"

RUBEN

"Fig had to take a shit."

"Why are there so many naked old people at your house?" "I don't know man! I don't have anything to do with that."

Gorgug disliking Ruben is so good I can't stop giggling

MY CLERICAL GNOMANCE

There is. Something going on.

PRINCIPAL GRIX

RIP RUBEN???? DISINTEGRATE???

NEW MAP!!!

I can't believe Ruben is the front man of MCG

COUNTERSPELL

"don't do this...."

OH NO. OH GOD.

oh god.......... dildo lawnmower

"I've had sex before!"

IT WAS ALL UNDER THE TARP

NOOOOOO WILMA AND DIGBY!!!!!!! NOOOOO

"Ruthless... So they were into fucking machines?"

"These are your champions, Grix?!?!!?!"

"You're not perfect order."

Save the turtle!!!!!

yeah -5 movement. that's tough.

FABIAN TURN 🔥🔥

26 to hit 🔥🔥

they're all just from this summer 😭

"I'm in"

REMOTE ACCESS

That is a four!!!

GAMER POSE 😭

"We got him Porter."

The shoe rack

"Come with me!"

So many nude gnomes

MURPH CANCELLED A CRIT INTO A MISS

"♪I'M GONNA SAVE YOU♪"

DIMENSION DOOR

SO MUCH GOING ON WITH WANDA

"But that moment of terror does happen, 'cause I want him to feel it. I want him to know what would it feel like if the most important thing in his world disappeared."

LISTENING TO A PODCAST AT A MUSIC FESTIVAL

CLOBICA!!

He's not raging???? Let him rage!!!

Bypasses the shield?!?

STUNNED??

What A Day.

Can the air elemental go up Grix's butthole?

Intelligence saving throws

ALLY GOT THE 3 MUSKETEERS

D12 bardic??????

42 POINTS OF PSYCHIC DAMAGE?

NOOO CLOBICA

Rip Clobica

FOR THE LAWN AND FOR PLEASURE

HE BYPASSES'S GRIX'S SHIELD

Wilma and Digby to the rescue!

Kristen healing 🔥

11 points to Riz </3

33 POINTS OF FIRE DAMAGE?

the little mini displays of what's going on is so cool and cute I love them

Four parents on a battlefield is too many

MY CLERICAL GNOMANCE GIVING OUT BARDIC INSPIRATION

THE VULTURE

Gilearean!

THE COMPLICATED WOMEN PODCAST

I love the CW

BIG GRIX

I love Lou and Ally's energy together is so good

RIZ GUKGAK

"If I take 5 stress tokens—"

HE'S ABOUT TO WHAT? TAKE OVER WHO? RIZ NO!!!!!!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOO RIZ IS GETTING MIND CONTROLLED

"I'm mad at you for asking."

NOOO HE GOT A ONE NOOOOO

HE'S GONNA HIT THE TUBE

FINALLY HIS BAD ROLLS HELP

omg the vulture

"Yes. Abso-fucking-lutely, Brennan. Ally Beardsley is at a place of doubt and uncertainty with this move."

hey hirlie

OH MY GOD THE BACKDROP

THE CULTURE DIMENSION???

WHAT?????? WHAT????? THAT'S WHERE IT'S ENDING????????????

[fantasticallyfruity4]

Of all the stranger things boys Billy is the one who would have the hardest time with his scars.

For Eddie, his scars are fucking metal as hell. He thinks they’re so cool. He got into a fight with literal bats out of hell and lived to tell the tale. He’s proud as hell of those things, good luck getting that man to wear a real shirt. Crop top/cut off king from now on.

Steve… Steve’s indifferent to his physical scars. His emotional and mental scars are more taxing, not to be a bummer. But like he rlly doesn’t have much time to contemplate the bat bites on his ribs. It’s not something he worry’s about. he used to be so vain. now, he's very at peace with his body. its just a vessel, and frankly its been very good to him. he's survived demo dogs and bats and Russians. he's very thankful to his body, so he goes pretty easy on it when it comes to vanity and ego. (part of why he's so chill about his chest hair now).

But Billy…

Billy has pretty low fucking self esteem. It’s all an act with him, and he knows he fakes it well, but that's all it is. The machismo, the peacocking. He’s someone who sees a lot of- if not all of his own value in being attractive to other people. in being a good fuck. Not worth much more. the one thing he's good at is sweet talking people and getting in their pants. being hot, pretty. but now, now he's not those things (even if Steve and Eddie swear he's beautiful but he so much more than his appearance). he has these big scars on his chest like he had the worlds most botched autopsy. (‘real attractive’ he grumbles most days getting dressed, a sarcasm to his tone that Steve and Eddie beg to differ with. he wears a shirt alot more these days. long gone in the confident, save man in the low cut button downs. those days are behind him, he is far more covered up these days. Steve hates the billy rarely showers with both or either of them now, and Eddie hates the way billy shifts in his sleep desperately trying to get comfortable when he knows billy just can't sleep in a shirt, but refuses to be shirtless and have his scars perceived unless he absolutely must. when the shirt dint come off the first few times they were intimate after everything, neither man said a thing. and when it happens again from time to time, they don't either.)  sometimes the scars hurt too. they burn and get tight and pull and get sensitive to fabrics and the creams and bandages only do so much. and he's got a really fucked up head from that thing coming out of him, too. he's a little hard of hearing (he needs closed captions, “like im someones fucking grandpa” and sometimes he needs things repeated to him 2, 3 times, or he needs them even written out which he hates), and his head acts up sometimes. headaches that just don't quit and leave him throwing up and in bed all day (its called a migraine, honey. my mom gets them, they're a bitch. its okay, were gonna close these blinds and have us a nice lazy day”) he hates it all. he feels weak, like a little bitch, like a nutcase. 

the boys try so hard to protect him, to take care of him, to help. but even that In itself makes him fucking mad. he hates that this is his life, and that this is how he has to be.

they kiss his cheeks and shoulders and promise they love every inch of him, including and especially the mementos of his bravery, and he kinda likes how that sounds. he has a long far way to go to his old level of confidence, but with these two beside him its very possible. sometimes when you build something back up its better the second time around than the first anyway.

[dispatchvampire]

Accidentally In Love (Chapter 2)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes x FemaleOC

Warnings: Potentially lethal levels of fluffiness right now, potential for smut later. A little blood, canon levels of violence potentially. Plus size female OC, body descriptions.

Rating: PG-13 (right now for language, but look for this to change)

WC: 2600-ish.

Summary: 

Echo's living a normal life in NYC, a 911 dispatcher, the most excitement she gets is from the calls she takes. And then love comes crashing in one day when she's riding her bike through Central Park.

Steve and Bucky weren't looking for anything on their daily run around the park besides fresh air and exercise. The streak of purple eye candy on a bike that lapped them pretty regularly was a nice addition but not mandatory, at least until some impromptu roughhousing results in some civilian casualties in the form of the most beautiful woman either of them had seen in a long, long time.

A/N: AU, Post CACW, Bucky’s Chill and we have always lived in the Tower. Just call this a throwback to the found family, everyone lives in Stark Tower fics.

This is supposed to be a super-fluffy love story. Still undecided if I'm gonna keep this one going but posting now for giggles and grins. It's got some CSI:NY characters crossing over because why not.

I'm just messing about and playing in my WIPs folder. Not Beta'd: we die like men! (honestly, I tried but if you catch something I missed, let me know)

Chapter 2

Blinking, Echo arrived back on the current plain of consciousness in a very bright room that smelled vaguely of antiseptic and orange slices. Blinking, she groaned a little as she took in her varying pains that hadn’t been evident before, including the stiffness in the elbow where her IV was installed. 

“There she is.” 

She turned her head toward a voice she recognized very well. Lindsey Messer, Danny’s wife and her friend from the job and her building, sat at her bedside holding her hand. In her pants suit and fuschia blouse, wearing her work badge, it was clear the tiny blonde had come straight from the crime lab. “Hey Linds. I hope Danny didn’t make you worry. I’m fine. My head’s too hard for any lasting damage.”

The blonde snorted and slid a plastic cup with a straw in it over to her. “That’s what I told them.” 

It was good to know her friend had her back. “What am I doing here?”

“They said you had a concussion and lost consciousness at the scene. Apparently you hit your head when you went into the stream by the bridge. Plus you got some stitches in your nose and chin and have a hairline fracture in your wrist.”

“Oh.” It was so much worse than she feared. Looking down at her wrist she saw the bandage and closed her eyes on a sigh. “Well, this sucks.”

“It does,” Lindsey agreed. “It seems you have some interesting friends, though.” 

Echo sipped her cup of water as she mulled over the strange transition. “We have the same friends, Linds.” Working in law enforcement made for a large extended, and occasionally dysfunctional, family, and since they hung out together, the majority of the people in their lives were shared friends and acquaintances. 

“Funny, because I don't remember you bringing those two superheroes you crashed into on the bike path today out for drinks with us.” She leaned back in the chair, looking nonchalant as she pulled a bottle of water from her purse to sip. 

Superheroes? What? “What are you talking about?” Shifting to sit up further in bed, she found herself tired and reclining back on the pillows behind her. She had one thing she wanted to make clear, though. “And I didn't crash into anyone. I ditched out so I wouldn't crash into anyone.” 

Lindsay smiled slyly. “You’re too nice, that’s why you crashed.” 

Looking around to make sure there were no little ears to overhear she snarked at her friend, “Vaffanculo,” complete with the associated hand gesture. 

Of course that's the moment when Danny decided to come into the room carrying a bottle of water and some white daisies he laid on the table next to her drink. “Ay, yo! You kiss your mother with that mouth?” he asked with his ever present grin. He’d clearly cleaned up and changed into one of his signature tight t-shirts and jeans. He made hipster chic look good with his wire-rim glasses and skinny jeans.

Rolling her eyes hurt but she did it anyway. “Whatever, Danny. When do I get outta here?”

The thin man winced and pushed his glasses up his nose. “Well, see that's the problem. Both the girls have ear infections, and they’re with my mom right now, but there's nobody to look after them for us, so we can look after you. And well unfortunately, between us and Flack, Donnie is going outta town with Trish for the weekend. So the docs wanna keep you overnight.”  

“But…” she whined pitifully. The idea of spending the night alone in the hospital sounded as appealing as shaving her legs with a dull razor and lemonade shaving cream.

Lindsey’s lips twitched. “You know we have toddlers, right? We’re immune to such things,” she laughed.

Lower lip in full pout, she replied, “And that's just unfair.” Echo reached onto the table and then rummaged around in the sheets over her before reaching into her bloodstained bra and the pockets of her bike shorts. “Where's my phone?” Surely she could find someone to look after her at her place so she didn’t have to stay in the hospital.  

Danny cringed as he grabbed the other visitor’s seat in the room. “Yeah, about that... your phone’s out getting fixed right now. Unfortunately it and your sunglasses met the creek bed and experienced a similar fate as you.”

“Oh no.” She winced and reached up to touch the bridge of her nose involuntarily as her hopes for escape dwindled in front of her. “This is bad.” 

He nodded, conceding her point. “Yeah, yeah it is, kiddo.”

“So, I have to stay.” It was a statement of resignation more than anything and she was beyond displeased, but knew two things: first, this wasn’t her friends’ fault, and second, she couldn’t do anything about this.

“Unfortunately.” Messer nodded again. Seeing her dejected expression, he rushed to assure her, “Just for tonight though. They’ll let you go in the morning. Hopefully your phone will be back here by then, good as new.”

“Wait…” Her mind was still a little fuzzy, but Echo was pretty clear that phone insurance wasn’t nearly that prompt. “Who's got my phone?”

Lindsay looked at Danny with a pointy glare. “You didn't tell her?” 

“She just woke up! You were here!” Danny held out a hand hoping to show that he was unarmed and not one to take her fire. He pulled the chair over to the bed to be closer to Echo. “Do you remember the two guys you crashed into?” 

“I didn't crash,” she corrected, rolling her eyes coming much easier this time.  

“Your face and bike would disagree,” he supplied diplomatically, with only the barest hint of a grin.  

“Whatever.”

His eyes narrowed as he looked at her, assessing. “You really don’t remember?” 

Shaking her head hurt, but she tried anyway. “Help me out here, Messer. I got nothin’.” She had vague recollections of the two hot guys from the path, but considering she saw them daily, those were not memories she trusted. “Were those the ones you and Flack had your guns on?” 

Lindsay's eyes grew very large and she pinned Danny down with a very pointed glare. “You had your gun on Captain America and Sergeant Barnes?” 

“It was a very fluid situation,” he gritted out through his clenched jaw. “It took a minute to get it all untangled.”

“I'm sorry, what?” The headache that had been dancing around the edge of her vision grew to full force causing her to rub her face. “What? That doesn't even make sense.” How in the fried fuck did the fricking Avengers figure into this? “How—? What—? I don’t understand—”

Danny cringed at her questions and pushed to his feet. “Well I think we've done enough damage here. Linds will get the girls and we'll see you tomorrow morning.”

Echo’s eyes popped open as she reached for him when he stepped away to put the chair back. “Wait! No! You don't get to just drop a bomb and leave like that.” 

Likely attracted by her beeping monitor, the nurse came in to see her blood pressure spiking. “You have to go now. The patient needs her rest.” 

Lindsey and Danny leaned over for quick hugs before heading toward the door. “This will make sense in the morning, E, okay? You’ll be fine,” he assured her. 

She whined again, dropping her head into the pillows. “Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, you will,” he replied with his trademark toothy grin. 

Right before he and Lindsey walked out the door, she asked, “Hey, who has my bike?”

“Hopefully that’ll be here with your phone.” 

The way Danny’s smile turned secretive before the nurse closed the door was concerning, but her head hurt too badly to really give it too much thought. Honestly, she was tired again and since it seemed she had nowhere else to be, she figured it was a good moment to take a nap. 

“We should have brought the bike up.”

“And put it where, genius? In the hallway where it’d just be in the way? In here? It’s a hospital, not a subway platform.”

“I just think—”

“And that’s your problem right there, Stevie.”

“I just don’t want her to think we took it or anything.”

“Steve. Really. Come down off the cross; we need the wood.” 

Echo woke to the sound of grumbled whispers and some sort of mechanical noise. Her dark eyes opened to the overly bright room, only to slam shut again at the vision before her. It was clearly a concussion-generated hallucination, because there, seated at her bedside were the two sexy mofos from the bike trail. A flimsy wisp of a memory danced across her mind of the blond one fetching her from the creek by picking her up, but… that wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be; she was too heavy for that. She hadn’t been picked up since childhood, and certainly was not one to invite the casual touch of strangers.  

Cracking her eyes open the barest hint, she watched the two men, giants, both of them, arguing back and forth softly beside her. She’d never given thought to their size before beyond their muscles, considering her bike gave her a height advantage, but damn if they weren’t enormous, still dressed in their too-tight t-shirts and jeans that encased their thighs closer than clingwrap.  

Her soft whimper at the sight brought their argument to a halt as both of them reached for her hand. 

“Hey, beautiful,” the longhaired one greeted her with a soft smile as he delicately touched her fingers. His own fingers were cold, and when she looked to see why, it appeared they were made of some kind of metal. In her mind, she’d always assumed it had been some kind of tattoo when she’d seen him in passing, so the metal was a bit of a shock. 

“Howya feelin’, sweetheart?” the blond one asked as he laid his hand over her same wrist. 

She closed her eyes for a moment, just absorbing the absurdity of this moment. “Best. Hallucination. Ever.” 

Her eyes snapped open at a bark of laughter followed by the mostly silent wheezing giggles that overtook Hotness 2. He threw his head back, shaking out his unbound hair in full chortle, a bubbly infectious sound that made her feel like she’d been infused with sunshine. The way his nose crinkled made her want to hug the hell outta him. 

“Babydoll,” he choked out as he brushed away tears from his cheeks before patting her knee with a warm smile. “We’re as real as it gets. I promise.” 

Blondie’s grin at his friend was a mix of affection and unruffled resignation. “Ignore Chuckles over there. How are you feelin’?”

“I’d feel better if I knew who you were,” she said softly. It was a strange feeling, a sensation of familiarity and absolutely no idea why she might know them. Not that she didn’t appreciate the attention, but it was disconcerting that they seemed to know her and she had no active memory of them beyond their occasional encounters on the trails and paths in Central Park.

“I’m James and this is Ste—Wait, you really don’t remember us?” The brunet went from amused to stricken in a breath when she shook her head, his free hand—it was a metal hand—scrubbing down his face and pulling his features taut before clapping his hands. “Right then. I’m James—my friends call me Bucky, and this is Steve. I ran into you on the trail yesterday.”

Eyes rolled to the ceiling, the giant blond then directed an annoyed glare at his compatriot before folding her hand in both of his massive paws. “What Buck means is he ran into you on the bike path. By the Glen Span bridge.”

“Oh! Jeez!” Thinking back, all she could see in her mind was the blue shirt and then everything goes kind of hazy until… “Guns? My friends had their guns on you?” 

They both held their hands up, shaking their heads. “A misunderstanding. It all got sorted out pretty quickly, despite Smartass over here trying to get us killed,” James grumbled in Steve’s direction, even as a smirk curled around the corners of his mouth. 

The blond winced at his friend’s description of the events but didn’t correct him. “Anyway, we wanted to come and apologize for all the upheaval we caused for you.”

“And your stitches and things,” the brunet added as he tucked his long bangs behind his ears. Looking down in his lap, he jerked as he noticed the bag by his feet. It was purple and glittery and had tissue paper sticking out of the top and he pushed it into her hands like it may be virulently contagious. “Here. From us.” 

Immediately suspicious, Echo held the bag at arm’s length. “Okay? What is it?”

Steve rolled his eyes with a little huff of impatience. “Telling you ruins the surprise. We went to the trouble of wrapping ‘em—”

“Well, Wanda did,” Buck leaned over to stage-whisper conspiratorially. 

“We went to the trouble of having ‘em wrapped,” the blond corrected with an impatient glare at his friend, “so open it.” 

A little embarrassed at having their eager eyes track her every move, she dug past the mountain of glittery paper to pull out a shrink-wrapped, brand new Stark Phone in the signature red and gold box which she set on the bed next to her. Everything about this situation was so goddamn weird, it was hard to make all the pieces fit together in her head with any kind of coherence. 

“Tony promised me he got all your stuff transferred over,” Steve offered eagerly as he poked the box a little closer to her. 

“Pictures and things,” Buck clarified over his friend’s shoulder. They both seemed greatly invested in her taking the gift.  

She held the box up in one hand while pawing through the bag with the other. “Okay?” Her fingers brushed against another box, this one textured and obviously expensive cardboard and almost as hefty as her phone box. 

Echo’s eyes widened as she pulled out the black box with the distinctive gold writing on it. “Is this…?” she trailed off as she observed the two men closely. Steve nodded encouragingly, so she opened it, almost afraid of what could be inside. Inside was a hard leather case, with gold lettering that matched the exterior box. “You got me Versace sunglasses?” She couldn’t decide if she was happy or mildly horrified. 

The blond nodded vigorously. “Yeah, yours were in pieces from where I stepped on them getting out of the water.” His cheeks flushed as he looked more than a little ashamed. “Tony assured me that you’d be okay with the replacement.” 

“Stevie’s underselling it. Stark said you’d appreciate the upgrade.” 

Upgrade? Shit… she was a city employee and made nowhere near the kind of money that this pair of sunglasses cost. They were likely more expensive than all the clothes in her closet. “I… thank you?” 

“Here.” James nodded at the bag next to her. “There’s more in there.” 

At the expectant looks on their faces, she set the black box aside and turned her attention to the bright yellow envelope just inside the bag. “‘Sorry we broke your stuff, please accept these replacements with our humblest apologies,’” she read, wary of their hopeful expressions when she finished. “'Replacements?' Plural? There’s more?”

[joshym]

Lilac Moon: Chapter 3

Pairing: Josh Kiszka x f!Reader

Word Count: 7.4k+

Warnings: (specific to this chapter) alcohol use, a good amount of angst, some pretty fluffy fluff, lot’s of cursing (sorry, lol), an almost physical fight, mentions of past trauma, mentions of anxiety (future chapters WILL contain smut, so MINORS DNI)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

a/n: this story means a lot to me, & i hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as i love writing it. 🤍

with that being said, i just want to reiterate that this is a complete work of pure fiction, & this is not in any way meant to be reflective of real life.

as always, don’t be afraid to let me know what you think, & let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist. :)

love you all so much!

-lis🤍

You stayed the whole night with Josh, wrapped up with him in the chill of the night. It was an accident; you hadn’t planned on staying at this house, sleeping in his arms in the serenity of his backyard. But he’s so comforting, so calming…you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want to be with him just like this for the rest of your days. 

You’re falling for him, and you’re falling fast.

♪°•°∞♬°•°♪°•°∞♬°•°♪

The peace of the morning has settled in. You're awoken by the melodic sounds of the birds chirping their forenoon songs. The sun is just beginning its dawn, the dew ever present on the grass.

Your body slowly rises and falls with his, his breathing still indicating the patterns of a deep sleep. He’s so warm. His comforting scent penetrates your senses. His arms are wrapped snug around your body, keeping you safe and close to him. You wish this could last forever. You wish the rest of the world would go on, leaving the two of you alone in this bliss you have created together.

You finally start to come to a bit more, your mind wandering out of its dreamlike state. You stretch your stiff limbs, causing him to stir as he’s starting to wake up, too. Half asleep, he leans down to give a gentle kiss on top of your head.

“Mm, good morning. At least I think it’s morning, anyway.” His voice is deep and raspy, still sleep laden.

You suddenly come fully to your senses, realizing that you accidentally spent the entire night with him, sleeping under his pergola in the backyard. You quickly grab your phone to investigate the time.

6:18am

“Holy shit, oh my god. I’m so sorry, Josh. I can’t believe I fell asleep like that.”

You lift your body off of him, finding he’s almost reluctant to break the embrace, but does it anyway.

“Why would you be sorry? I don’t mind at all. It’s actually the most restful sleep I’ve gotten in a long while.”

“I just hate to be so intrusive. This is your home, I shouldn’t have stayed all night like that. That’s so rude of me. I’m so sor-” he cuts you off before you can apologize for a second time.

“Y/n, please.” He sits up on the couch to be eye level with you, smiling a toothy grin at your embarrassment that he finds adorable. His hair is in a fluffy mess from sleeping outside all night, but it’s wonderfully charming to you. “Don’t say sorry. I’m happy you stayed. It gets a little lonely here sometimes and you’re fantastic company.” He lifts your hand to give it a quick peck.

“Well, I guess this means I have to make you breakfast now, huh.” He gives you a sly wink, making you blush as you both break out in a set of sleepy giggles. 

He leads you in the house. You’d only seen his home in artificial lighting since you came over so late, but now, you’re seeing it in the glow of the day. The rising sun has encapsulated the space in a warm golden tone showcasing the architectural detailing and his elegant decor. There’s one wall in the living room that is entirely made up of floor to ceiling windows with a view of the forest behind it. You’re in absolute awe as you take it all in.

You’re in desperate need of freshening up, so you ask him where the restroom is. He points down the long hallway, telling you it’s the second door on your right.

You take your time to splash some water on your face, use the small brush you keep in your purse to fix your hair a little, and you’re thanking your lucky stars that you always carry around a travel sized toothbrush and toothpaste set.

Once you feel a little more presentable, you head back to the kitchen to find Josh rummaging through his fridge and cabinets for ingredients to make breakfast. 

“What can I help you with?”

“Uh, absolutely nothing. You’re my guest and you will be treated as such. I am but your humble servant.” He bows to you, then walks over to the first seat at the island and pulls it out for you. “Your throne awaits, my dear.” 

“If you insist, good sir.” You can’t even begin to hide the smile taking over your face. 

“Sir, huh? Kinda like the sound of that.” he says with a sly wink as you both laugh.

Any other time you’ve stayed at a man’s house, it usually involves sex that is less than pleasurable for you, and the mornings consist of them practically shoving you out of the front door. (if they even let you stay that long)

But with Josh, it’s completely different. He didn’t need sex from you last night. He was perfectly content with just being with you, being in your presence. Completely okay with just a kiss, the most beautiful kiss you’ve ever shared with anyone. A kiss that happened when you were in the depths of explaining the most vulnerable parts of yourself that he wanted to know about. And not only that, he wants to cook for you this morning.

What is happening?

You’re watching intently as Josh gathers his ingredients for what appears to be quite the meal he has planned.

“So what are you making me?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” he says with a smirk.

“Oh no. You’re not going to poison me, are you?”

He huffs out a laugh. “ Of course not. Unless you’re allergic to blackberries.” He puts some blackberries in a pot on the stove, stirring in a mixture of lemon juice, vanilla and water. “I’m making a blackberry compote to go on top of our french toast.”

“Oh! That sounds amazing, Josh!”

“Well, don’t give me too much credit. It’s a Jacob specialty. He’s a far better cook than I. But don’t ever tell him I said that. Wouldn’t want it going to his head.”

He lets the compote come to a boil before meticulously mixing in a little cornstarch.

“Jakes a cook?”

“Oh absolutely. He’s been cooking for the better part of our lives now. And I don’t mean he makes some measly pasta dish with premade sauce in a jar from the store, he is up to par with the professionals. I love all things culinary, but I don��t hold a candle to him.”

He continues stirring his concoction until it’s thick enough to his liking. He puts a little on a spoon, blowing on it until you can no longer see steam. He walks over to you and gently holds the spoon up to your mouth. 

“Here, tell me what you think.”

You look in his eyes while you taste it, this moment feeling awfully romantic.

“It’s perfect.”

“Really? You think so?”

“Yes, I do! Josh, are you sure you don’t need my help? You’re doing too much, I feel bad just watching you slave away.”

He walks back over to the stove to begin preparing the toast.

“Like I said, you’re my guest. I don’t get to do this often, so let me spoil you, okay?”

You nod and smile in agreement while you watch him finish the toast. He decorates your plates to near perfection, taking his time to drizzle the blackberry compote on top of the toast in a certain design. He tops it off with a little powdered sugar before setting your plate in front of you.

“Ladies first.” he says, signaling you to take the first bite. He watches you closely as you do so, anxiously awaiting your reaction.

“Well? How is it?”

“My compliments to the chef. Or should I say, the far less cuisine-talented Kiszka twin.” He covers his face in an attempt to conceal his laughter. “No seriously. This is incredible. Thank you for doing this. You really didn’t have to.”

“I know, but I wanted to. I don’t get to have people over here often, in fact I don’t even get to be here as much as I’d like, so this is nice.”

You both finish your breakfast, talking about anything and everything that graces the forefront of your minds. You talk a little about the tour and he offers some life-on-the-road advice to you, you talk some more about music and the future for both of your bands, things of that nature. 

“Just so you know, I’ve been down the rabbit hole that is Lilac Moon.”

“Oh? How so?”

“Been listening to your music, watching your videos…I know I’ve already said this, but you’re pretty fantastic. Your stage presence is outstanding, y/n. I can’t wait to see what you’ll do in an arena. Lilac Moon truly deserves to be on a bigger stage.”

“Well, thank you. It’s going to be a change of scenery, that’s for sure.”

As much as you feel your music is going nowhere, that’s not entirely true. Your band has roughly 60,000 monthly listeners on Spotify, which is pretty damn good for a group that rarely leaves its home state. You’ve also been featured on NPR Music's YouTube channel for a Tiny Desk concert. That’s no small feat. The bands’ Instagram page has nearly 80,000 followers, with your own personal page reaching close to 30,000. You’ve been able to do multiple professional live recordings for various radio stations, even have two music videos out for your original songs. The recording of your first EP, self funded, of course, was a pivotal moment. It garnered a lot of attention from people, and its success allowed for a second one to be recorded and released within just a few months. Things aren’t quite as stagnant as you feel they are, it's Jay that has made you believe that it’s not enough. He’s convinced you that fame is all that matters, and you’ve allowed yourself to believe it. You know that’s not true. Those things don’t matter. The music matters the most, and that’s your true love. You’re finding that you’re starting to fall in love with that aspect of it all again. 

“I uh, also happened to stumble upon a cover you all did at a few shows. A little number called Safari Song, I believe? Can't seem to remember who does that one…hmm..” he giggles at the blush creeping on your face. 

Lilac Moon has performed that song countless times in front of audiences. Obviously a crowd favorite.

“Gee, I can’t remember who does that one either.”  you say to him with a wink.

“I have to admit, I’m incredibly nervous, Josh. I mean, what if they don’t like us? I doubt many of them know us…I just…I don’t handle criticism well…I know that’s something I have to fix if I want to continue any kind of career in this field. I’m just nervous. This is the biggest thing to ever happen to us…I’m terrified they’ll hate us.”

“Ah, I remember those feelings quite well. It can be frightening, I know. But I can promise you this: they’re going to love you. I know our fans. They’re some of the most accepting, loving people. They feel it from us, and they reciprocate it. Just go out there with love, and they’ll love you right back. Love is the key.”

He pats the top of your head in a silly, loving way to reassure you a little extra.

“But you should know this already, I mean you are one of them, after all.” he says with a wink. “Just how big of a fan are you, anyways? Just out of curiosity. I hope you’re not a crazed, stalker type. If you are, well, you’ve done a good job of it because you’re in my house.” he says with a boisterous laugh.

“Well, I went to as many shows as I could back in the day. Got a few guitar picks, a drum stick. You even handed me a rose one time.”

“What? You know…” he stops to ponder in thought a bit. “Yeah…yes! I remember you! Oh my God, how could I have forgotten this. You and Ivy! I remember seeing you at tons of shows, and I remember handing you the rose.” He taps his fingers on his chin while he thinks. “St. Louis. Ballpark Village in 2017. You were wearing the most lovely purple dress with these huge sleeves that were just beautiful…and you had the most wonderful flowers in your hair. That’s why I wanted to give you the rose, because of your flowers. Such a lovely sight.”

You’re left in complete shock. His memory is serving him right, because that’s exactly what you were wearing. 

“I can’t believe you remembered all of that. That’s just…how on earth do you still remember that? It’s been so many years, and you’ve done thousands of shows since then..”

“You just spoke to me, I guess. You were so sweet, so gentle in the mix of people who were screaming at the top of their lungs. You just radiated this energy that I didn’t feel from anyone else in the crowd. You were there for the music, for the peace it brought you, I could tell.”

You’re struck aghast at hearing this from him, because he’s absolutely right. You always felt a sort of peace at their shows. They felt eerily intimate to you, and you can’t believe he picked up on that from the crowds of people that surrounded you.

“Wow, Josh. I’m just astounded. I never knew you noticed me, let alone remembered me.”

“Look at you, y/n! I’d be crazy to not remember the likes of you, sweet girl. Like I said last night, the universe is mysterious. It wanted our paths to cross again, and now look what’s come of it? It’s a wonderful thing.”

♪°•°∞♬°•°♪°•°∞♬°•°♪

You’ve been so lost in conversation that you don’t even realize three hours have gone by.

You start to help Josh clean up in the kitchen when you hear his phone going off.

“Shit. Hold on, I have to get that.”

He answers it, opting to put it on speaker. You’re taken aback by this. This man really has nothing to hide, and nothing to hide from you. It’s a sweet, seemingly insignificant gesture that makes you smile to yourself.

“Where the fuck are you?” You recognize Jake's voice instantly, and he’s not thrilled.

“Oh fuck, man. I totally forgot. What time was I supposed to be there?”

“You were supposed to be here over an hour ago to get hair and makeup done, Josh. The shoot starts in 30 minutes. You better get your ass over here now.” You hear Sammy’s unmistakable laughter in the background, clearly mocking his older brother's irresponsibility.

“Tell Sam to shut the fuck up. I’m on my way.”

You hear the call disconnect from the other end.

“I’m so sorry, Josh. This is all my fault.” 

“No, don’t be. It’s just a silly magazine. They want us pretty damn bad for this next cover, so they aren’t going anywhere.”

You help him get the last few things tidied up in the kitchen before grabbing your stuff to head out the door with him. He walks you to your car, opening your door for you but stops you before you get in.

“Can we- can we do this again sometime? I know we’ve both got busy schedules with everything coming up. But I really, really enjoyed talking to you. I’m sorry if I got a little carried away last night. I just couldn’t help myself and-” you’re not sure where or how you got this sudden courage, but you grabbed him lightly by his shirt and brought him to your lips in a sweet, longing kiss to cut off his apology. He wrapped his arms around you tightly, bringing you even closer to him.

“Don’t be sorry.” you whisper as you move away slightly from his lips. “I would love to do this again. Soon, I hope?”

“Yes, very soon. Every night if we can.” 

You meet each other in another kiss but it’s cut short as Josh’s phone is going off yet again, presumably Jake.

“I really hate to, but I have to go. Text me, okay?” 

“I will.” you say as you sit in the driver's seat of your car.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Bye, y/n.”

He smiles as he shuts your car door. You watch him walk to his jeep. He looks wonderful in the sun, effortlessly stunning. The butterflies in your stomach are in a fluttering mass. You’re not sure what any of this means or where it could possibly be going, but you’re welcoming all of it with open arms.

♪°•°∞♬°•°♪°•°∞♬°•°♪

Your mind is racing on your drive home. In fact, you decide to take the long way to your apartment to give yourself some space for deep thought. You love to take long drives to just let yourself think, to let yourself be.

You decide to skip going home right away, opting to drive yourself to Ivy’s to see if she’s home. You have to talk to someone, and who better than your very best friend. 

You breathe a heavy sigh of relief when you pull up to her complex to see her car in her usual parking spot.

It’s not out of the ordinary for the two of you to show up to each other’s places unannounced. You even have a key to her apartment, and she owns one to yours as well.

You lived together briefly upon moving to Nashville, that is until Jay came into the picture. He moved in with you and essentially forced Ivy out. She didn’t take it well, and you can’t blame her one bit. He always said it was for ‘privacy.’ You hated that you let him do that. You hated that he tried to put a wedge between you and Ivy. It left a dent in your friendship for a while, and as much as she says she forgives you and doesn't place the blame on you, you can’t help but feel shameful for letting him run your life the way he did. Despite all of it, it somehow made you and Ivy stronger in the end. Your friendship has stood the tests of time and tribulation.

You make it up the steps to the second floor of the complex and let yourself in the front door of her apartment. It’s still early, so you have no doubt she’s still asleep. 

As you walk inside, your theory is confirmed when you see her sprawled out on the couch in a deep sleep. You giggle a bit as she has always been notorious for falling asleep on the couch almost every night.

You sit down next to her and try to wake her up without scaring the shit out of her. She’s also notorious for getting a bit aggressive when she’s startled awake. 

“Ivy…wake up. It’s me. We have to talk, like now.” you say in a hushed tone.

She starts to wake up a bit, tossing around to grab her phone that's buried in the cushions.

“What the hell are you doing here so early? Why are you even up?”

“I wasn’t at home last night..”

“Wha-what?” She's more awake now, sitting up in a better position to talk.

“What do you mean? Where were you? I literally dropped you off after practice.”

“Well, I was home for a bit. Then I got a text from Josh…”

Her eyes are now fully open and displaying shock as she’s scanning your face, desperate to hear the rest of your tale.

“Wait, what? What did he say? Did you hangout with him?”

“Yeah, I mean I don’t think that was his initial intention. He just wanted to apologize for being so sappy at the restaurant yesterday. He said some beautiful things, Ive. That’s why I was about to cry.”

She nods her head as if to signal you to keep going.

“Well, then he asked about Jay and why he’s such a prick. I told him it was a long story. One thing led to another, and he asked me to come over to have some wine and talk. So, I did.”

She has the biggest smile on her face, her eyes squinted almost entirely from her grin.

“And you stayed? All night? Holy shit, y/n. You slept with Josh. You slept with Joshua fucking Kisz-” you interupt her with an obnoxious laugh at her ridiculous assumption.

“Ivy! We did NOT sleep together. I mean, we slept together, but we didn’t fuck. Jesus, get your mind out of the gutter.” You playfully slap her arm. “We did kiss, though…and I told him about my dad. I don’t know what happened, it just..did. It happened so quickly. I felt so safe with him.”

“You kissed him? Y/n, oh my God. Tell me everything. Who initiated?”

“I told him a little about my experience with my mom…and you know me, you know I don’t talk about these things. I told him about how my dad instilled in me this passion for music that I have. I started to cry, and he said he wanted to kiss me…and I told him to do it..”

“That’s…that’s amazing, y/n.”

“And he listened to me, Ivy. He actually listened to me. He was so..intentional. I felt so heard. I think that’s why I fell asleep with him. It just…it felt nice, you know? Maybe I’m overthinking everything…and odds are this doesn’t mean anything. But it just felt really…nice.”

Ivy leans in and wraps you in a hug. She knows all too well of the struggles you’ve faced, and she knows how hard it is for you to talk about it all. The two of you share a bond together that no one else will ever be able to fully comprehend. She’s also been through her fair share of traumas, so the two of you understand one another in a way that is different from other relationships in your lives.

“Okay so..is there anything else I need to know?”

“He cooked me breakfast this morning.”

“What the fuck. This man isn’t real. There’s no way. It’s too good to be true.”

You both laugh at this, and you halfway agree with her.

“If I wasn’t there, I don’t think I’d believe it myself. You know my track record with men is absolute shit. I mean I even apologized for staying all night, and he practically thanked me for staying. Said he gets lonely. And he wouldn’t even let me help him with breakfast. It was so sweet.”

“What did he make you, anyway?”

“The most incredible french toast I’ve ever had. He told me it’s Jake's recipe. Apparently Jake is some high-end chef. Isn’t that amazing?”

Ivy perked right up at that.

“So, since you’re all chummy with Josh, can you set me up with his outrageously sexy, guitar-god of a twin?”

You both burst out in a fit of giggles.

“You are absolutely ridiculous.”

♪°•°∞♬°•°♪°•°∞♬°•°♪

You’ve spent the entire day with Ivy. Relaxing, watching your favorite tv shows, eating snacks. You’ve been so busy with Lilac Moon lately that it’s been hard to find time to just rest, so you’re grateful for the opportunity that arose today.

You held off from texting Josh at the risk of seeming too eager, but you were starting to feel guilty that your promise fell through. You decide that it’s probably okay to text him, given it’s been several hours since you saw him so you shouldn’t look that desperate.

You: How did the photoshoot go? Jake didn’t kill you for being late, did he?

Josh: Unfortunately, he did just that. I am speaking to you from the grave. ;) 

You’re surprised by the almost instant reply. 

You: Oh! What a shame. I was really starting to like you. :( 

You: I really am sorry I made you so late!

Josh: Not your fault, sweet girl! Jacob gets agitated quite easily but it’s nothing to bat an eye at. All was well, as I knew it would be! What are you doing on this fine evening?

Ivy catches you smiling at your phone.

“You look an awful lot like you’re talking to a gorgeous rockstar over there.” 

“And what if I am? You’re jealous, huh.” you say with a smirk.

“Shut the hell up, y/n.”

You return to responding to Josh when suddenly your phone starts ringing with an incoming call. To your disgust, it’s Jay. Him calling this late can only mean one thing, a last minute gig at a shitty bar.

You turn your screen to show Ivy, to which she responds with a heavy eye roll.

“Hello, Jay.”

“Are you with Ivy?”

“Yes, why?”

“Be at The Basement in 45 minutes. Juliens on his way with the equipment. We’re on at 9.”

“Are you fucking kidding me-” he hangs up before you can argue.

You look at Ivy who’s got annoyance written all over her face.

“Well that’s just fucking great.”

“Please, y/n, don’t tell me we’re playing where I think we’re playing..”

Ivy puts her face in her hands, knowing exactly what your response will be.

“Yep. The Basement. The fucking Basement. I don’t know how many times we have to tell Jay that we hate this fucking place.”

The Basement in south Nashville is quite literally your least favorite place to play. It’s such a small bar that gets crowded quickly, it’s gross and always smells like regurgitated alcohol, and the sound system is absolute shit. Also, this place never fails to attract the nastiest, most disrespectful men that yell the most horrendous things at you and Ivy. 

“How much time do we have to get ready?”

“He wants us there in 45 minutes.”

“That gives us..” she looks at her phone to confirm the time “..20 fucking minutes to get ready. Why does he wait until the last minute to plan these things!”

The Basement also conveniently doesn’t house any dressing rooms for you to get ready in, and you’re sure as hell not getting ready in the bathrooms that don’t appear to have ever been cleaned properly, so you have to hurry and get ready here.

Ivy runs to her closet to grab some outfits for the two of you while you rush to her bathroom to get out all of her makeup. You start quickly putting on your face when you realize you hadn’t responded to Josh yet. You really didn’t want to leave him hanging.

You: Well, looks like we’re booked for a last minute gig at my least favorite bar, thanks to none other than Jay.

Josh: Where would said gig happen to be?

You: The Basement. And he’s only giving us 20 minutes to be ready and get there for a soundcheck. I can tell you know, it’ll sound like shit.

Josh: I’m coming. What time is your set?

You: We’re on at 9. You really don’t need to come. This place is a dump and it’s way too overcrowded. People will probably maul you once they figure out you’re there. It’s not safe.

Josh: That’s what our security is for. :) I’ll be there. Daniel and Jake will also be in attendance. I think they love your music almost as much as I do. :)

The thought of him coming to a risky place just to see your band perform has you feeling so warm inside. You can’t explain it, but you feel safer already at the thought of him being there.

You finish your makeup in record time. Ivy barges in with an outfit for you. A pair of black velvet bell bottoms and a strapless sage green corset top donned with flowers. It’ll do. Ivy’s wearing a mini skirt the same shade of green and a black crop top with sequins.

You get dressed as Ivy rushes to finish her makeup.

“How much time, y/n?”

“We need to be in the car in 3 minutes.”

“Shit. You’re driving, then. I’ll just finish this in the car.”

You both sprint down the stairs of the complex to your car, tripping over your bell bottoms with each step.

“You just had to give me the fucking bell bottoms? I should get to wear that skirt! My legs are shorter than yours!”

“Well my ass looks bad in them, so yes! Get over it!”

♪°•°∞♬°•°♪°•°∞♬°•°♪

You finally made it. The drive here was brutal, but you made it right on time.

You head in for the soundcheck. You’re groaning at the thought of playing here again. The stage is so small that the four of you on there together are practically on top of one another. There’s hardly enough room for your equipment, but Julien is the best at making it all fit. 

Joe is here and talking to the owners of the bar, probably negotiating a form of payment. These places never pay much. Stingy asses.

You quickly run through a few songs before the doors open for people to start coming in. You sound mediocre at best. This place has the absolute worst sound.

8:31 pm

There’s only about 10 minutes until doors, so you and Ivy decide to grab a drink from the bar to calm your collective nerves. 

“So, Josh is coming tonight, with Danny and Jake. He insisted on it.”

She takes a sip of her angry orchard.

“Isn’t this place a little dangerous for them? Like won’t people freak out over them?”

“I literally thought the same thing, but Josh said they’re bringing security with them so it would be fine. I told him they didn’t need to come, but he sounded like they really wanted to. Said they loved our music.”

You’re suddenly startled by Jay yelling at you from backstage.

“Y/n! Ivy! What the fuck are you doing? Get back here! It’s almost time!”

You both roll your eyes simultaneously at his rude behavior and head back to join him and Julien. You decide to tell Julien about your guests attending tonight's show.

“Guess what, Julie? Josh, Danny and Jake will be here tonight!”

“Uh oh, guess that means we better be on our best behavior!” he says with a playful nudge at your shoulder.

“Why the fuck do they need to be here? Do they think they need to come see us to make sure we’re actually good enough for them?”

You’re not surprised by his nasty attitude towards it, in fact you were expecting it. He’s already a few drinks in, not much of a shock.

“They just wanted to see the show, Jay. They like our music. I don’t know what the big deal is.”

Jay scoffs obnoxiously. “That’s a load of bullshit. They don’t give fuck. They just want to make sure we actually fit their standards. I know how the business works. We’re just the openers, y/n. They couldn’t care less about us and you’re better off to realize that, too.”

“Why do you have to have such a shit attitude about it? Not once have you shown an ounce of gratitude for this opportunity. You’re being an asshole about it. You were so fucking rude at the meeting. It was embarrassing.”

“I was the embarrassing one, y/n? Hm. See, how I remember it is you were flirting up a fucking storm with the miniature lead singer. Everyone noticed. Seems like you’re trying to make it good with him, get yourself a step ahead of all of us. He’s your ticket to fame, isn’t he?”

Now you’re pissed. 

“You’re just mad that I don’t want to be with your sorry ass anymore. You can’t handle when another man gives me attention, can you? Sounds like you’re pretty fucking jealous to me.”

“You’re just using him, y/n. You don’t want him. And there’s no way he’d want a nobody like you. It’s pathetic. You’re just fulfilling some stupid fantasy of yours, huh?”

“Fuck you, Jay.”

You storm off towards the stage. Ivy follows close behind, about to bite a hole in her tongue to keep from making things worse.

“It must suck to be so fucking miserable all the time. It’d be great if you’d get over yourself for once.” Julien says before he follows your lead to head on stage.

For the first time in a long while, you and Ivy aren’t the last ones making it to the stage.

8:59 pm

People are piling in fast. You hit the stage to a loud collection of cheers. You scan the audience quickly, seeing your distinguished guests towards the back of the bar surrounded by a slew of security guards. The anger you were feeling has instantly melted away at the site of Josh and his toothy smile. His energy instantaneously makes you feel lighter.

9:01 pm

You tap the mic a few times to ensure it’s working. You take a deep breath. 

“Good evening! How are we all doing tonight?”

The crowd is exceptionally loud tonight, and you’re starting to feel better about the whole situation.

You look around to your bandmates to signal you’re ready, when you notice the absence of your high strung guitarist.

You look back to Julien with silent question, to which he responds with wide eyes and a shrug of his shoulders. 

You decide to buy a little time by doing your usual warming-up-the-crowd antics. 

“We’re Lilac Moon, in case you’re new here.” You start nervously adjusting the mic stand, an anxious fidget of yours. “If you like what you hear, don’t be afraid to tip us. If you don’t like what you hear, still tip us and we’ll be sure to use it for lessons.” Julien punctuates your cheesy joke with a *ba dum tss* of his kit.

That one gets them everytime, so you’re not surprised to hear a lot of laughter from the crowd.

9:07 pm

You look to your left, still no Jay. 

Shit. 

“Lots of lovely faces out here tonight. It’s a shame you’re stuck looking at ours.” Another *ba dum tss* from Julien and plenty of laughs from the crowd.

9:10 pm

Still no Jay. You’re starting to panic. Julien senses it and decides to head backstage in search of him. 

You and Ivy do your best to buy more time, but people are getting antsy. You periodically look to Josh to see his face filled with worry.

9:14 pm

Finally, just as you were about to head backstage yourself, here comes Julien with a clearly disordered Jay. 

Great. He’s fucking wasted.

You’re nervous for what could happen, but the show must go on.

“You all ready?” you say as Ivy taps a few notes on her bass and Jay strums a chord on his guitar.

The crowd cheers, and you begin.

The first several songs go as well as you could’ve hoped. The crowd is really into it tonight. You’re trying not to keep your eyes set on Josh the whole time, but it’s proving to be quite difficult. He looks so enthralled, and you notice that he’s even singing along to some of your songs. It’s surreal, to say the least. He even blows you a few kisses, causing you to become flustered. 

9:53 pm

The next song is your newest piece, Alone Again, the one that requires you to play some rhythm guitar with Jay. You go to grab your instrument, feeling slightly less anxious than the other night for its debut and your first time playing on stage. 

You make your speech about playing guitar, finding the opportunity to say once again “if it sounds like shit, just blame Jay” only this time, he doesn’t appear to be too pleased with your quip. He stares at you with an empty, angry glare as he steps closer to his mic.

What is he about to do..

“No, no. If it sounds like shit, blame her. She’s the one who wrote this song. Oh, should I mention she wrote it about me? You know, we were in the ‘throes of love.’” he uses air quotes, making his sarcasm apparent, “but all love stories must end, isn’t that right, y/n? I bet your new fling didn’t know this little number was about me, did he?” He looks towards Josh. “Did you know that? That she wrote this about me?” He’s slurring and stumbling all over his words, clearly very drunk as the alcohol has had more time to settle. Luckily, no one in the audience seems to register that he’s trying to point out someone in the crowd. But their security is wrapped tightly around them, just in case.

You’re speechless. You’re embarrassed. You're not even sure how to go about beginning the song now, but thankfully, Julien taps his snare a few times, and the song finally begins.

The last time you performed this song, you were full of emotions that forced you to become somewhat vulnerable on stage. This time, the only emotion you feel is anger. Pure, unfiltered anger. You’re nearly screaming the lyrics. Your strumming is intense. You’re just ready to get it over with.

Despite it all, the audience loves it. Their cheers make it apparent that they’ve mostly forgotten about the awkward intro to the track.

Thankfully, Jay keeps his mouth shut for the rest of the set, and everything ends rather smoothly. 

10:26 pm

“Thank you all so much! We hope to see you again soon!” you say as you blow a kiss and wave to the audience, getting tons of kisses and waves right back as they cheer.

Once you’re all backstage, Joe takes Jay aside and corners him.

“What the hell was that about, huh? You trying to make yourself look like a damn fool? ‘Cause you’re doing a great job at it, bud!”

Your adrenaline from being on stage has quickly left and anger is seeping in your blood once again. 

You walk over to Joe and push him aside.

“What the fuck, Jay? You’re going to make us look like a fucking joke. You’re a piece of shit, you know that?”

He starts screaming at you. You’re not even able to make out what he’s saying. A lot of ‘bitch’ and ‘fuck you’s’ being thrown around is all you can manage to understand.

“What the FUCK is your problem?” Danny yells loud enough that it startles him and cuts him off. “I’ll be God damned if I let you speak to her like that any longer.” Just as he says that, Jay lifts his fist, ready to land on Danny.

“Oh I don’t fucking think so.” Before he can swing, Danny grabs him and locks his arms behind his back.

Jay is trying to release himself from his grasp, but the drummer is far too strong for him and his drunken, belligerent state. 

Josh and Jake are close behind, running up to you to be sure you’re okay. 

“Y/n, you and Ivy come with us. You don’t need to be in his company any longer.” Josh says as he grabs your hand to pull you away, glaring at Jay.

“You know you’re nothing to her! She only wants you ‘cause you’re famous! She doesn’t give a fuck about you or anyone else!” he screams as Danny, Joe and Julien take him outside to the back of the venue to cool him off.

“Get fucked, you piece of shit!” Josh yells back in a deep, angry tone, one you didn’t think was possible from him.

That…was fucking hot.

You’re mortified. He demeaned you in front of the audience, but worst of all, he tried to start a physical fight with a member of the band that’s helping you further your career. Embarrassment doesn’t even cover it.

“I am…I’m so sorry about all of this. We were fighting before the show and I guess he took it upon himself to get absolutely trashed.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, y/n. You guys shouldn’t have to put up with this bullshit.” Jake says.

“Josh, please don’t believe anything he says. He’s completely out of it, I don’t even think he realizes he lost his shit on stage. He’s an asshole, but he takes his music very seriously. That’s not like him to do that, I swear.”

“I have no reason to believe a word out of his mouth, y/n. And you need to stop justifying his behavior. There’s no reason for him to act that way. But I do want to know something…” you look to him to let him know he can continue his thought, “Did you really write that song? About him? It’s a wonderful, beautiful song. But, the lyrics. How could you still feel that way about him?”

“Yes, I did. I wrote it the day I broke things off.” You’ve thought the same things. How could you possibly waste your energy on a song about him? “I guess I didn’t write it about him so much as I wrote it about who I thought he was. I, I don’t know. I thought he was different, Josh. I was naive. I don’t feel those things..and to be honest, I’m not sure I ever did. I think I liked the idea of being with him more than anything. There wasn’t any real love there. It felt so empty.”

Jake and Ivy take it upon themselves to leave, to give you two some space.

“You are worlds better than him. Universes, even. He doesn’t deserve to share space with you.”

“I wish he wasn’t in this band. I wish things were different. I wish we could just kick him out and find someone else, it’s just not that easy. None of us can stand being around him anymore. He’s gone completely off the deep end since the break up. He makes it really hard for me, for all of us, to love this band like we used to.” 

You’re in a tough spot. You feel the need to make excuses for Jay because he’s still a vital part of this band. And you feel it’s your responsibility to keep the peace amongst everyone, because you feel a sort of guilt for everything that happened. You’re convinced that you’re the reason he acts this way. 

Josh doesn’t speak for a few minutes, looking like something on his mind is plaguing him.

“Josh? What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t want to say anything until I had more information. But…we found out today that the label is kind of being difficult about you coming on tour with us since you’re not signed with them. We all thought it’d be okay, given you’re not signed with anyone, but apparently that’s somewhere in the fine lines of the contracts. Our manager didn’t even think it’d be a big deal.”

You stare blankly at him, watching as his expression turns more and more distraught.

“They were here tonight, y/n. They were prepared to sign you, but after Jay’s outburst on stage….I don’t know, they weren’t happy. They left before you finished.”

Fuck.

“I…I mean what do we do? Can we have a meeting with them? We can’t let this happen, I won’t let it happen. I won’t let that mother fucker ruin this for us. He’s such a fucki-” he stops you before you can really work yourself up and brushes his hand gently on your cheek to calm you down.

“Listen, I will make this happen, okay? We can pull some strings. You deserve this and I’ll prove that to them. But, that could mean finding a new guitarist. I don’t know for sure, so don’t stress too much about that yet. I just want you to know that might be a possibility, okay?”

This news should send you into a spiral, but his voice is so calming…his demeanor is peaceful…you can’t help but trust everything he says. Looking into his eyes, you have no doubt everything will be alright.

“Okay, Josh..” you say with a heavy sigh.

He smiles at you and leans down to place a kiss on your nose.

To be continued…

Chapter 4

join the taglist!

taglist: @jakeyt @fwzco @jessicafg03 @blissfulbellss @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface @arsonkween @sicksadandrad @gretavansara @witchofendora @andtherestishistory13 @aintthatapity @itsdannysworld @thetroublegetssoloud71 @slaythelightfantastic

i *think* i got everyone, but, again, tumblr is being weird with tags.

a/n: here’s a little playlist of songs that, to me, represent the kind of music Lilac Moon would do, if they were real. ☺️ 

i’d like to think of their music as a mix of all of these sounds put together, if that makes sense. lol

[thuviel]

I'm 1 week post op!

I had top surgery last week aaaaaaaaah!!!! FINALLY! It took so many years, so many delays, so many disasters that it felt like it would never happen. But I fucking made it! I got double incision mastectomy with nipple grafts. Gonna document the recovery a bit too if it's helpful to anyone c: So this is how the first week went:

Day 1

The most pain I had was immediately upon waking up, but after a while the nurses gave me more morphine and it was chill. I'd still rate the pain around like badly twisted ankle level pain, not too bad

Extremely sleepy, couldn't keep my eyes open for more than a few moments and slept pretty much the whole day

Got discharged from the clinic 3 ish hours after surgery

I didn't have drains, just a tight compression wrap around my chest

Day 2

Pain level was still very chill as long as I took my painkillers regularly

Biggest challenge was doing stuff without using my chest muscles or extending my arms much, going to the bathroom was the most difficult

Used both morphine and paracetamol this day

Eating and drinking was fine, just smaller portions at a time

Day 3-7

By far the worst days of recovery so far

Back and neck pain from weird sleeping positions was becoming more annoying and bothersome than the actual surgery wounds

I had some bleeding on day 3, the left nipple bled through the bandages and all the way to the compression wrap. I contacted the clinic but it wasn't a concerning amount of blood and it stopped on its own pretty quickly

I stopped with the morphine and just took paracetamol, which I decreased over the days as the pain levels went down

By the end of the week I started to get a tiny bit more movement in my upper body, still not extending my arms but things didn't feel as tight immediately when moving and doing stuff with my arms

Turns out I was allergic to the antibiotics they gave me, so I dealt with some horrible symptoms these days. It's not usually part of recovery but good to look out for in case it happens to anyone else too. I got very sleep deprived, could't sleep more than 1-2 hours at a time. I would wake up feeling extremely warm (but no fever), really nauseous, weak, heart beating fast and hard, terrible headache, sometimes feeling like I couldn't breathe properly. I only slept 3-4 hours per day. Also had some diarrhea and acid reflux. I was very weak and shaky, getting weaker and more dizzy as the days went on instead of getting better. Luckily I could stop taking them on day 7, which is when I learned I was allergic to them lol

Day 7

I had my one week appointment where they took off the innermost bandages and removed the sticthes keeping the gauze stuck to my nipples. Nurse said things were healing well, some swelling but not too much. My left nipple had gotten a bit less bloodflow and looked much darker, like a burned pepperoni. Nurse said it's not unusual and it still looks okay, it should regain bloodflow and improve on its own in the coming days

Got to take a full shower for the first time after this. It was terrifying af to have water and soap run over my very fragile looking newborn nipples lol, but it felt so fucking good to be clean

I could also take off the compression wrap and clean it which was a blessing bc that thing was disgusting by this time. I have to keep wearing it 24/7 for the first month but can take it off briefly to clean it

Despite the terrible antibiotics reaction, the recovery has been less difficult than I thought tbh. I expected worse. By far the most challenging thing for me personally is having to ask for help with every tiny little thing ^^' But already seeing such a flat look with my shirt on in the mirror is amazing!

[boldlyvoid]

Dear Eddie Part 3: Dear Reader

Summary: Eddie likes to make things for his family

Warnings: Pregnancy struggles, crying, pain, family fluff, name suggestions, body issues,

Word Count: 3.8k

Part 1 | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

She laid on her side, left to be exact, something about better blood flow for the baby… it was the only way she could lay down without wanting to puke. She woke up beyond nauseous, she wanted to scream she was so sick and all she wanted to do was sleep. So she simply lays on her side and holds eddies pillow and sobs. 

Eddie knew that something was wrong, he normally let her sleep in and relax in the mornings. He took James downstairs for breakfast and out of her hair, normally she’d come down a few minutes later, much to his protests because she didn’t like to be apart from them. 

Wayne was still awake, he got home from the plant 2 or 3 hours ago, still digesting his “dinner” from 5am while watching TV with little James in his lap. 

“Can you watch him for me?” 

“Of course,” Wayne doesn’t mind. “Where you going?” 

“Just upstairs, I don’t think she’s okay,” he admits. “Something doesn’t feel right.” 

“Yeah,” Wayne gets it. “Go check on your girl.” 

He’s careful about going up the stairs and even more careful when he pushes their bedroom door open to see her. She’s crying, eyes closed, gripping her pillow for dear life. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” he closes the door behind himself and kneels at the side of her bed. “What’s wrong, my love?” 

“I just wanna sleep,” she sobs. “I feel so sick, I can’t throw up, I just feel gross? I’m so tired.” 

“I’m so sorry, honey… did you want me to get you some crackers or something?” 

She cries harder, “I don’t want to sit up.” 

“Okay,” he sighs, knowing he couldn’t convince pregnant Y/N to do much, she was very particular about what she wanted. “Can I lay down with you?” 

She nods and scoots back so he can get in, laying down in front of her, also on his side, he moulds to her position and cuddles in close. 

“Hi,” he whispers, wiping her tears. 

“Hi,” she smiles, “what were you doing?” 

“Just checking on you,” he assures her. “I hate when you’re so sad.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize, I’m sorry that being pregnant is so hard,” he whispers, truly sad that it’s not being kind to her body. “Are you sure you don’t want a snack? Maybe once we get some food in you then you’ll be able to sleep.” 

She shakes her head, “I just want cuddles.”

“So cuddles you shall have,” he says as he cuddles in even closer and snuggles her. “I don’t go to work till 10 so I’m not leaving your side.” 

“Okay,” she finally sounds content, happier that he’s there with her. 

The sound of his breathing and the feeling of him there helps immensely, she’s able to calm down, her baby calms down, the sickness disappears and Eddie stays. He has a 20-minute drive to get to work but he doesn’t want to leave her. He doesn’t want to wake her so that she can watch James with Wayne… instead, he kisses her head, changes quietly and heads back downstairs. 

Wayne’s laying on the couch, also asleep, with James sitting in his lap watching Sesame Street, perfectly content. He’s holding his cup of juice, and his snacks are on the coffee table. 

“Hey, buddy,” Eddie gets on his level and whispers. “Mama is having a nap upstairs, I have to go to work, you stay down here with grandpa until she wakes up, okay? Don’t get into any trouble, just be a good boy?” 

He nods, “I will.” 

“I’ve got him,” Wayne mumbles, brushing a hand through James’s hair. His eyes barely open, he’s very tired, “I’m just resting my eyes, I’ve got it covered.” 

“Okay,” Eddie smiles and leans in, kissing James on the forehead quickly. “I love you, be good.” 

“Bye daddy,” he waves him off, knowing he’ll always come back home so there are never any tears when he goes. 

—

The summer was fully over, September came so fast and changed most of the leaves with it, and the chill didn’t start till the first week of October. Just in time for the wedding in their new backyard closer to Halloween. 

Being over halfway done with this pregnancy and yet she was huge. Not due till February, she really didn’t understand how she managed to look so far along too early, even with having a second baby she knew she’d be bigger this time around but not this big this fast. And there was no way she was more pregnant than she thought… cause she was pretty sure she got pregnant that first time they slept together after he got home. He knows what he’s doing and he’s good at it, clearly. 

The only dress that she can get to fit over her stomach is a white floral sundress of sorts, it’s cute, sure, but it’s nowhere near the princess dress she dreamed of. She wanted something big and expensive and fancy… without it, she didn’t feel very pretty. 

Or so she thought. 

The moment James sees her in the bedroom, he pauses with wide, big brown Munson eyes, “you wook beautiful, mama!” 

“Oh, thank you,” she melts, feeling absolutely massive but pretty if he says so. 

He runs over to her and hugs her legs, she scoops him up, holding him on her hip now that her stomach was in the way. “That was such a nice thing to say.” 

He snuggles into her neck, never having left the cuddly phase it was such a fucking blessing. She held him close and swayed him around, “what’s up buddy?”

“When daddy comes home?” He asks, not quite in the right sentence structure but she understood him. 

“Soon,” she thinks about how to explain it and takes him over to Eddie’s night table where an alarm clock stays. “See the 4, when this little hand gets there and this big hand gets to the 3, then daddy will be home.” 

“Okie,” he understands, standing right in front of the night table and staring the clock down all while she takes the dress off and hangs it back up in its black dress bag. 

She hangs it back in the closet and changes back into her comfy clothes, big sweats and a Metallica t-shirt she’s had for forever, not caring that her stomach still poked out. She takes a seat in bed and pulls little James up onto the mattress too, then she hands him the alarm clock to hold in his lap as he waits for his dad. “Why are you excited to see him today?” 

“Stowy time,” he smiles, big and toothless, still working on the front two while the rest of his mouth filled with teeth. It also gave him a lisp that he loved because he sounded just like uncle Jeff. 

“Oh, what are you reading?” She asks, normally taking her nap when Eddie got home, trading off the responsibility of him so she could relax. She really had no idea what books they read. 

“Wowd of the wings,” he tries his best, and it’s so darn cute.

She gasps, “really? Oh, that’s daddy’s favourite book.” She remembers fondly. Eddie used to read it to her, too, back during their summers together when the pool was closed due to the rain and they had nothing else to do.

Now he reads it to their son. It’s too stinkin’ cute. 

James almost forgets the alarm clock as he explains the plot so far to his mom, it’s mostly out of order, but he tries his hardest to say the character names and the places they go, it’s the cutest thing in the world. He loves Frodo, he says Bilbo is just like uncle Wayne and the other hobbits are like his uncle Gareth and Jeff to him. 

She tries her best to keep talking to him, asking him questions and getting him to talk, but laying down with him is so calm and nice… she falls asleep there with James sitting beside her, still holding the alarm clock, just staring back at her as she snored. 

He knows she’s asleep, he reaches over and rubs her belly the way his daddy would and then gets up, standing on the mattress, he walks to the foot of the bed where a throw blanket had been tossed. Holding the blanket by its edges, he throws it over his mom, it doesn’t land perfectly, it’s barely on her actually, but he covers her tummy. He snuggles back in, kisses her arm and pulls the alarm clock back into his lap. 

He just sits there quietly, trying to tell time with his mom snoring beside him. He just wanted his daddy to come home and read to him again.

—

Work is long and boring and exhausting, but at least he has access to the mall every day. He always brings Y/N home something that she wants, for a craving or to help her with her pregnancy, and it was convenient if they were low on food he could hit the grocery store on his way out… he could also go to the baby store and buy all sorts of things to spoil his kids. 

That’s what he did during his lunch break today. He had the screen printing store make him a copy of Dio’s the last in line tour shirt that he turned intones a jacket patch, but a lot smaller… and he ran to Osh-Kosh to buy a little jean vest… and then Hot Topic for some tiny pins and patches and he spent most of his free time behind the counter at work sewing them all on. By the time his shift was over he had one toddler-sized jean jacket replicated to perfection. 

He almost forgot about his cherished jean vest when he got back, everything was so crazy he didn’t even think about it. It took Wayne about a week to bring it up, he had a whole box of Eddie’s things from the day they brought him up from the upside down… but his guitar pick necklace, that stayed around Wayne’s neck for 2 years. Not a lot survived from the last trailer, but what did was in the box, or in James’s room. 

James was so much like him, thus why he needed his own little jean vest to go over his little leather jacket. And every time he grows, Eddie will just make him a new one… and this one can go to baby number 2, and eventually baby number 3… 

He comes home to a quiet house and it’s not that weird, but it’s strange how the quiet continues as he looks around for them, “anyone home?” 

He finally peers into the master bedroom to see James sitting beside his mom, holding his little finger over his lips, “mama’s sweeping.” 

“Oh,” he whispers back, reaching out for his little guy and lifting him up off the bed for a hug. “How are you?” 

“I missed you,” he says, holding his dad's face in his hands. “How’s work?” 

“It was good, little man,” he smiles. “I got you something to match daddy.” His eyes light right up as his dad shows him the bag in his hand. “Close your eyes.” 

He covers his face with his hands as Eddie carefully and quietly pulls the jacket out of the bag. Y/N was probably awake from the noise already, but he still wanted her to keep resting. He places the jacket in James’s hands, “open up…” 

He gasps so loud when he sees it, speechless he hands it to his dad and stands up, wanting help putting it on. He’s so happy he can’t stay still making Eddie laugh. “Hold on buddy, this arm first, now this one,” he explains as he helps him into it. “There, now we match.” 

“Metal?” He asks more than announces. 

“So metal, dude!” Eddie gives him a fist bump and then pulls him in for a hug. “The most Metalist baby in the world.” 

“‘M not a baby,” he says as he pushes away, “mama has the baby, see,” he points at her tummy, noticing that she’s been smiling at them for a while. “Mama wook!” 

“I see!” She’s cheery. “You look so handsome buddy, just like daddy.” 

He gives her a big hug and a slobbery kiss on the cheek, overjoyed to be just like his dad. Eddie hugs the both of them, kissing James on the cheek while Y/N gets the other. They smother him in love, and he can’t stop giggling as they smooch all over his chubby cheeks. 

He can’t wait to have another little one to add to the mix. 

—

Eddie finds her in the kitchen holding her belly in her hands as she stares into the cabinet for a snack. He walks up behind her, replacing her hands and holding the bump up, relieving all the pressure on her hips. “Oh, thank you,” she sighs, head lolling back against his shoulder, she needed that. 

“James is asleep and I don’t work tomorrow… wanna watch a movie?” He suggests with a whisper. 

She shakes her head, “I’m too tired to fall asleep on the couch and then make it up to the bed, I hate the fucking stairs.”

“You picked this house,” he reminds her with a smile. 

“Shh,” she makes him stop talking. “How about we cuddle and catch up? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever?”

“Making money for the babies isn’t easy,” he sighs. “But the record store has its perks. The new Motley Crew album got shipped to us early so I got to listen to it today.” 

“That’s sick, James is gonna be excited to hear it,” she can’t help but smile, her baby boy was such a metalhead. She has him lower her belly back down and let go so she can turn around to face him, “I just wanna be with you tonight, in any way?” 

He smiles, “okay… how about I get you some snacks and meet you in bed?” 

Her eyes light up, “you’d go to the store for me right now?” 

He nods, “duh? I’ll go to the fucking moon for you if you asked.” 

She pulls him in for a quick kiss, peppering his lips and cheek with them, “you’re the best.” 

“I try,” he smiles, giggling slightly. “What did you want?” 

“A grape crush, a KitKat and salt and vinegar chips,” she knows exactly. “If they don’t have grape then orange is fine, but I want grape.” 

“Okay, you got it,” he agrees, patting his back pocket to make sure he had his wallet on him. “Anything else for the middle of the night or tomorrow?” 

She shakes her head, “I’m good, you’re so wonderful.” 

“I just figured I knocked you up I might as well do something useful,” he teases. 

“Twice,” she adds, not letting him forget. 

Little did she know it actually made him sad knowing he missed out on doing nice things like this for her the first time. He doesn’t let her see that, he just kisses her goodbye and tells her he’ll be back in a moment. 

The store isn’t too far away, it's a good 5 minutes there and back, no big deal. He pops in quickly finds everything he needs and then sets two pops, two candy bars and two bags of chips all on the counter along with an iced tea and a pack of sunflower seeds for himself. 

The clerk looks at it all and smiles, “for the wife?” 

He nods, smiling slightly. “I figured I might as well get more than 1 in case the craving lasts a while.” 

“Smart,” she smiles as she rings it all up. “15 on the nose.” 

He pulls out the cash and sets it on the counter as the woman bags it for him. He turns to the side to see a bunch of cards with sayings catch his eye. “Actually,” he reaches forward and grabs one with pink and blue flowers on it. “I’m going to get this too.” 

“On me,” she waves it off. “You want a pen to write her something nice?” 

“Please?” 

She hands him his bag of goods and a pen, “you have a wonderful evening, wish your wife well for me.” 

“I will,” he smiles, so grateful for the kind people in their new neighbourhood. This interaction would’ve never happened in Hawkins. 

In the van, he turns on the roof light and stares at the blank card. He knows what he wants to say but he doesn’t know how to say it… so he copies the letters she made him. 

“Dear Y/N,

I think you’re so fucking cool. 

Seriously, not only were you amazing all throughout my childhood, always being there for me and making sure I was loved… now your our kids mom and doing the exact same thing for them. you’re everything I ever wanted in a future wife, you’re all I’ve dreamed of my whole life. It’s like god or whoever is up there was making me and you at the same time knowing we’d be together. Knowing we’d make such amazing kids. 

I swear, James is going to change the world or something. He’s so, so meant to be here. He’s a gift, a treasure, a blessing. Thank you for him. 

I’ll never get to fully explain how much I wish I was there for his pregnancy, but I can get you two of everything and make up for it now. 

I love you. I love our family. Thank you for everything. 

Love, Eddie.” 

He reads it over to make sure it’s right, his all-cap chicken scratch looks somewhat nice, hopefully, she can read it well… hopefully, she doesn’t cry. He hates making her cry and that baby only perpetuates the high emotions that make her cry. 

He should be saving it for his vows, they’d be getting married around the end of the month, he wasn’t prepared in the slightest, but it was also just a formality. He was already her husband, her baby daddy, the love of her life, they were just putting it all on paper now. 

He gets back home safely, he locks all the doors and turns out all the lights on the first floor before heading up the stairs to their bedroom. She’s in bed with a baby book in her lap, smiling at the doorway for when he walks in. 

“oh my god,” she notices how much he has in the bag. “What did you get?” 

“Here,” he hands her the card first. “Two of everything… to make up for last time.” 

Her chin wobbles as she starts to cry a bit, “Eddie, baby?” 

“Hey,” he gets in beside her and rubs her shoulders as she opens the card. 

She laughs at the opening line, wiping her tears away so she can keep reading. Her face changes a bunch, from sad to heartfelt to joyful, back to emotional, “I love you so much, this is so nice.” 

He pulls her in for a quick kiss. “I love you.” 

She hands the card back to him, “can you put it on my dresser by the ultrasounds?” 

He nods, placing it right where she wants it. She takes out all her snacks and wastes no time digging in. “Oh, fuck I love you,” she groans when the KitKat hits her tongue. “I wanted this all day.” 

He kicks off his shoes and jeans, slipping into bed beside her and stealing a few chips. “Anytime you want something I’ll get it, just tell me.” 

“Thank you,” she smiles at him. “Really, this is everything.” 

“Its what you deserve,” he reminds her. “Eat up, maybe you’ll sleep better with a full belly.” 

“I hope,” she sighs. “All I’ve done today is eat and nap and hang out with James.” 

“Sounds like a dream,” he teases. “I get it though, and I’m off tomorrow so you can sleep in.” 

“Perfect,” she rests her head on his shoulder, still shovelling her chips into her mouth but wanting to be close. 

They don't talk, they just hold each other for a few minutes. She feeds him snacks, and he feeds her. He rubs her belly, and he wipes the crumbs off her face. He loves her dearly. When they finally put all her snacks away, they cuddle up again but this time with his head on her chest as she sat up against the pillow, digesting everything. 

“We need name ideas for this one,” she whispers against his hair before kissing his head. “I have no ideas this time.”

“I like Dean—

“We can’t have two sons named James and dean.”

“Why not, that’s so cool?”

“No. And I think it’s a girl anyway, so…” she hasn’t been quite sure how to bring that up. Now seems like a fine time. 

“Yeah?” He softens right up, having always dreamed about having a little girl one day with Y/N. He always knew she’d be a good mom, and he knew they’d make beautiful babies together, having it actually happen now was just too much for him. 

She hums, “I keep having dreams with a little girl in them.”

“What about Daisy?” He suggests, staying in the D category. “Or Debbie? Diamond is cool.” 

“Are you trying to spell your name with our kid's initials?” She teases. “I was thinking Phoebe or Roxane or something cool, James is gonna need a badass sister if he’s going to be a rockstar.”

“True,” he can’t help but laugh at her reasoning. “But I also want it to mean something to us… and you should name her this time.’ 

“Why? I named James, shouldn’t it be your turn?” She combats. 

“You picked his name for me, in honour of me, thats different,” he explains. “Pick a name just for you this time.” 

“I picked James for me, I listened to a lot of Metallica when I was pregnant, and with you— you were always playing it,” she gets a little emotional. “It was the only thing that made me feel better when we couldn’t hang out and then it became the only thing to calm him down when he was born.” 

“Oh,” he snuggles in closer. “That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.” 

“Not to get sweeter, but I want you to name this baby, pick something special to you that reminds you of me if you want to make it absolutely even and fair?” 

Compromising was always easy with her. 

“What if we name our daughter Motley?” He whispers, remembering he has the new album in his work bag. “Then both our kids would have the coolest names.” 

“It fits with having the coolest parents,” she brags, chips in her mouth and chocolate melted on her chin. She was so cute. 

“Exactly,” he smiles so big. 

He’s never been happier in his entire life. 

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