#THE GIRL I'M IN LOVE WITH CALLED ME THEIR MULDER????????????

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Been thinking about the X-Files recently. A show I have a hazy, but fond memory of.

[bakedbakermom]

@onlineproblems asked me this while workshopping some fic and I don't want to go to the grocery store so I'm gonna procrastinate by answering!

So to understand where I'm coming from, we first have to go back to the pilot.

When Scully goes down to the basement office for the first time, she introduces herself as Dana Scully, and the next words out of Mulder's mouth are, "Who'd you piss off to get stuck with this detail, Scully?" The way he says it is so fascinating to me. The emphasis. The hint of teasing. The deliberate dismissal of her first name, as if he's certain she's not going to stick around long enough for him to care, and moreover that he doesn't WANT her to stick around, doesn't WANT to care. He's all alone in the basement, the FBI's most unwanted, and he likes it that way (or at least he thinks he does).

In that scene, "Scully" itself becomes a nickname. Like she's his annoying little sister (🥺) tagging long on his adventures but she's NOT welcome.

Little does he know that Dana Scully is not just a little sister, but the THIRD child, and therefore has taken Little Sistering to a professional level. She gives it right back to him without missing a beat, sassing and challenging and not flinching away from his questions or his graphic (for 90s TV) slideshow. She teases him right back every step of the way, countering his "Scully" with her own "Mulder" in precisely the voice you know she used to use when Bill was being a little shit about "no girls allowed."

Thus "Mulder," too, becomes a nickname. Like he's her jerk older brother trying to exclude her from his Very Serious Work, but he doesn't know what a tenacious little pomeranian she is and she won't let him get away with it.

From then on, that's what they are to each other. Scully and Mulder. Mulder and Scully. A team, but not always on the same side. A pair, but able to split toward their own purposes. A unit of two individuals.

I came across this post this morning, about how they are CONSTANTLY saying each other's names. Like, every other line of dialogue, if not more. I swear Mulder starts and ends his sentences with "Scully" sometimes. It really is A LOT.

But also, when they do this, it's so incredibly intimate. They assign so many different meanings to their names with just the tiniest lilt and tremor and shift in cadence. (This is a testament to both GA and DD's acting skills, that they can pack whole paragraphs of emotion into just two syllables.) They say it with fear, with fascination, with tenderness and curiosity and challenge and anger and frustration and humor and disbelief. As prayer and plea and profanity. With promise and passion. And eventually, with love. So much love.

They say "Scully" and "Mulder" the same way I call my husband "honey." It's not just a name. It's who they ARE to each other. Their names are just a shorthand. An anchor. A question and an answer in one. She's his Scully. He's her Mulder.

It's not the syllables that matter. It's the feeling behind them.

Which brings me to pet names. When I write MSR, I tend to leave the pet-naming to Mulder for the most part, because he seems like a pet-namey kind of guy. And Scully, who has never struck me as a pet-namey kind of gal, lets him get away with it because he calls her "baby" the exact same way he calls her "Scully," and he calls her "Scully" the exact same way he calls her "baby." They have spent so much time calling each other by nicknames that aren't nicknames, that the actual sounds coming out don't matter anywhere near as much as the emotion inside them. He could call her "sasquatch" or "football" and she'd know exactly what he meant. (HC that she gets some Chewbaca-inspired lingerie at some point, and he calls her a sexy little sasquatch, and she's stunned by how turned on she gets.)

Scully only uses pet-names sparingly, in times of great emotion or overwhelm. He told her once (just once) that he doesn't like being called Fox, and so "Mulder" is her baseline name for him in nearly all circumstances. She'll call him "honey" when he kisses her neck just so, or "baby" when he's hurt and needs comfort, but the truth is he loves hearing every last shade of "Mulder" from her lips. Every possible way she could ever say his name, he hoards those syllables like a dragon hoards gems. He's never loved the sound of his own name, except when she's the one who says it. When she does use a pet-name, on those rare occasions, it resonates with him in a very deep way. Sparkling diamond "sweethearts" amid the troves of emerald and ruby "Mulder"s. A glowing opal "honey," slow and sweet as a sigh. "Baby" like a sapphire, like her eyes when she kisses him as if he's the only other person in the world.

If they ever did marry--even if it's just them in their unremarkable kitchen with a pair of second-hand rings and nothing but stale cereal as witness--their vows would be simple. Four syllables, evenly divided.

[xf-cases-solved]

i am aware that this is likely not a new take at all, and i'm not like, claiming it as mine, but i never had the chance to have this opinion (or hear other ppl have this opinion) on a public forum before, so i just want to take this opportunity to say to another person, possibly for the first time with the exception of mb my mother, who is no longer here to agree with me, that "existence" came out when i was 8 years old, i watched it live, and literally the day i watched it i remember thinking to myself "why did they have a boy named william? they should have had a girl named samantha. OF COURSE they should have had a girl named samantha," like it felt so obvious to me

and tho i couldn't rly articulate it this clearly at the time, my little muddy 8 year old thought process was that the entire story of the xfiles starts with samantha, right? mulder has his beliefs bc samantha was taken; he says so in the very first episode. the whole reason he even thinks aliens are real to begin with is bc of samantha. the person he spent his whole life searching for was samantha. he MET SCULLY bc of samantha. samantha is the thread that ties the whole story together, so then how beautiful--how narratively perfect--would it have been to tie THEIR story--their love story (bc xfiles is, at the end of the day, a love story, fight me) up with a bow, where the beginning starts with samantha getting lost, and then ends with samantha there in their arms, finally found, just in a different iteration. (instead of naming the baby after mulder's dad who he doesn't even like? or scully's dad. or scully's brother. or mulder's middle name, which is after his father ik, but still, why are there so many fucking williams??)

like, imagine it. rly sit there and take a moment to imagine how the end scene in "existence" would have gone if mulder had said, "what are you going to name her," and scully had said, "samantha"

not only does it get the "ding ding ding, you're the dad!" point across, but how fucking Touched would mulder have been to have the woman he loves--the PERSON he loves--more than anything on earth honor the sister who took up so much of his soul for so long? who always will take up part of his soul, just in a healthier way. it would be scully saying, "we know she's gone from this world now, but she's not gone from our hearts" emphasis on OUR hearts, bc mulder's pain is scully's pain; mulder's quests are scully's quests. she never met her sister-in-law (they're married, fight me), and will never have the chance, but by naming their child after her, she would be saying, "i love her anyway. i love her because you love her, and because anyone you love deserves my love as well, bc we are intertwined at our core. our fundamental values, our suffering, our joy, it is felt in us both concurrently, bc i am your person, and you are mine, and together we made a whole other person who is a literal representation of our combined selves, and we are going to call her SAMANTHA, bc that little girl you watched get stolen from you however many decades ago has been the pillar that has kept us going as a team for the last eight years"

or maybe it would have been even simpler than that. maybe she would just be saying, "your sister is IMPORTANT, mulder, even in death, and her memory isn't held only by you. it is unrelenting, and preserved forever in our child"

i wanted that scene. i wanted to feel the heaviness of mulder's grief mixed with his elation and gratitude and love. i appreciate william for who he was in the scheme of things, but that moment in the bedroom, with their baby between them, shouldn't have been lessened for me bc they chose a name that made me pause and go "his dad was named william? oh yeah! forgot about that guy, it's been a few YEARS since we saw much of him, and what we did see of him wasn't like... awesome. but sure, name your baby that ig, if you must"

that scene should have hit so much harder, and if that baby had been a samantha? it could have hit like nothing ever has, and for all the mishaps that show took after that (and there were MANY), i think the thing i will always have the most resentment for is the fact that i felt robbed of something that would have meant so much to me as a viewer who had followed their journey from the start (or, well, almost start. i was born the year it came out, so i didn't start watching until 1998, when my brain came online, but i'd seen the past stuff at least)

anyway! that's all to say, 8 year old me was salty as hell about that, and ykno what? she was RIGHT and should have been able to say it. but, again, 2001, 8 years old, not old enough to participate in fandom, so that thought has just festered and rotted away in my brain like a piece of old, putrid meat. but! finally i can give my 8 year old self some catharsis by letting her bitch and bitch and bitch to her heart's content about how "existence" should have been the series finale, and how that baby should have been a girl named samantha, and how i climbed onto that hill 23 years ago, and how i will die there with my heels dug down deep

ty, internet, for coming to my extremely overdue tedtalk. somewhere in the past there is a small child (who definitely shouldn't have been allowed to watch xfiles as young as she did, but what can you do?) finally has a weight off of her chest. it's just a tv show, and in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter, but also, it's a tv show that i grew up with in my formative and unfortunately very traumatic years, and it genuinely feels like a loved one who has always been there to comfort me, and so yeah, it doesn't "matter," but the truth is, it Matters so incredibly much

that's all

-diz

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 20 thoughts

dare i say it, once again… new favorite episode??

okay, my previous favorite episode was an ENTIRELY different direction from this one, but i’d say there should be one best episode for serious stuff and one best episode for the silly!!! and this takes the silly crown!! and tbh i can't make an actual hard and fast rating anyway because there are so many great things to choose from- but this is amongst them, for me, in terms of legendary episodes!

please, join me on this ride, which i enjoyed each second of, and will need to someday rewatch without pausing every 0.5 seconds to jot something i noticed down. the live experience begins beneath the cut.

it’s been 84 years…. (3 days since i’ve seen an episode)

ooo, this sounds interesting! is scully going to work with an author?? are we gonna learn more about the things that she reads?? this is prime content to a person like me

stars…. space ship….. filled with tubes and wires and other such things…… just kidding!!! it’s a guy working on some electrical stuff. whilst two people drive by!! i thought they were mulder and scully at first but they are not

“um, i don’t want to scare you, but i think i’m madly in love with you” says this guy who is not mulder but actually named harold to this girl who is not scully but is actually named chrissy. OH! and this is the first date. so that was a weird thing to say. i thought it was quite sweet at first but that changes things for sure.

GASP! UFO be upon them. creatures are coming out to get them. she asks what they are and he says “how the hell should i know?” ooo ooo i know! they are aliens 👽 and then the two fall on top of each other like they are knocked out… and the aliens drag them away???? 

until a king kong looking fellow rolls up. very puppet-y. and the aliens don’t know what this creature is either!!! and also ask what that thing is and the response is “how the hell should i know?” haha i see what you did there... out aliening the alien

bum bum bum bum…. (<- my attempt at recreating the noise of the intro)

now, what was that? i'm stuck on the king kong and godzilla love child puppet….

scan up on mulder’s iconic poster!!! and a guy is here who is yet again not mulder. his name is mr. chung and mulder will NOT talk to him… oooh, what is their beef…?

mr. chung is saying he always felt alienated on this planet, who can even imagine actual aliens! and he has a point there.

oh! scully is a big fan of this fellow, which is why she agreed to talk to this guy!!! he calls her beautiful, which is true, but time and place 

so he isn’t even interested in aliens, but his publisher said he should write a book on the matter. he is going to create a NEW genre: non fiction science fiction, a gimmick that will give him money. this seems somewhat disappointing to scully, who must be a believer in artistic integrity, but i find his honesty refreshing.

she wants him to tell the truth, but apparently he spent 3 months in kass county where all this stuff went down, and NO ONE could tell him what actually happened. the truth is just as subjective as reality. which sounds like something i learned in history class. and, it helps explain why everyone with an alien story starts with some variation of, "i know this sounds crazy, but"...

so he wants HER version of hearing of the case. also he touches her arm and... let's slow down a little there, mr. chung.

OHHH we are seeing a story told in flashbacks!!!! narrated by scully!! how wonderful!!!

this girl is suffering from “missing time”, a phenomenon we have come to know well here on this blog. also her clothes are inside out and she has signs of abuse. not looking great for her.

apparently mulder prefers the term “abductee” to “experiencer”, which mr. chung has valid disagreements with. we go on, however.

this poor girl is seeing aliens that are not there and her nose is bleeding. WAIT! it’s the guy from before! harold and chrissy! he comes to her window to say he did everything he could but she rejects him, thinking he had drugged and assaulted her. yikes.

harold is testifying that he was abducted by aliens, but no one believes him. he stuck to his story UNTIL our agents arrived!

(MULDER SAYS SOMETHING VERY OUT OF POCKET HERE ABOUT GOING TO PRISON BUT LET'S KEEP MOVING)

despite this announcement of presumed prison time, mulder brings chrissy in for questioning. asking her if she has all the symptoms of “post abduction disorder”, which she confirms, while scully rolls her eyes with great force in the background. and he talks the girl’s parents into letting her do hypnosis.

“what is your opinion of hypnosis?”, mr. chung asks scully, which is something i also have been dying to know! i mean, we saw her do a little bit before, but it didn’t seem to be a positive experience. she says it has therapeutic value, but has never been proven to enhance memory; it even makes memory worse. a very balanced and doctor-ly answer! 

LMAO scully is so cute… mr. chung mentions another book he wrote and she proclaims it “one of the greatest thrillers ever written” <- STOP I LOVE HER SHE IS SUCH A NERRRRD 😭😭

mr. chung said the FBI knew nothing about how hypnosis worked back during the MK ULTRA days… and he is fascinated by the idea of a person’s consciousness being transformed by listening to words. admittedly very fascinating! you could probably say the same about meditation, no?

(but he speaks to the power of storytelling, i realize now in hindsight! how we find ourselves wrapped up in the tales of things that never happened, how it fills us with sorrow or joy! how fascinating! i see what you did there, writers!)

cutscene to hypnotizing chrissy. who is seeing aliens. she is on a space ship wearing a fit that looks very similar to a lady gaga chromatica era performance, but it has tubes attached to her. harold is in a very similar contraption!!!!

she says the aliens are arguing without moving their mouths and she hears the lead alien in her head saying it’s for the good of her planet. and he is stealing her memories? um. for what purpose...

scully is serving looks in the corner while this goes down, looking mad as hell and very good. she says chrissy's abduction story seems a little TOO typical… and i have to agree! but mulder says no, there are TWO people with the same story! they can't both be lying, surely!

LMAOOOO they play with censoring the dude who comes in and yells at them… “well, of course he didn’t actually say ‘bleeped’” 

(BAHAHA i’m loving this insight into how scully’s memories operate. so this angry man is named detective manners)

“you still gonna hold the boy?” “oh, you bet your blankety-blank bleep i am” <- i am a simple woman, and an actor delivering these lines with a straight face whilst surrounded by other actors keeping a very straight face is going to make me cackle. look at her looking so bored while he says that. i’m howling!!!!

anyway, harold has a very different story on what went down that night, that did not seem to involve gaga-inspired fits, but instead they were both placed in electrified cages. while another alien in a nearby cage smokes a cigarette. he seems to be what i would call “an unbothered king”

in this story, harold claims that he will protect chrissy and never let anything happen to her, and of course something immediately happens to her while he hides in the corner like a baby. lmao.

and this alien is talking in english! not telepathically! he keeps repeating “this is not happening” until harold ALSO gets taken by the thing that took chrissy. 

mulder is trying to figure out what is going on, but his predictions aren’t lining up with what happened to harold. scully is pacing and looking pissed, and again, very pretty.

“you know when you’re a kid, and you tore the legs off a bug for no reason?”, asks harold (cutscene to mulder’s face with visible confusion) LMAOOOOOOO

scully getting to business: did you engage in consensual sexual intercourse that night? she is not messing around! she's had it up to here with the shenanigans of harold and chrissy!

harold is very very quiet until he says that her father will kill him if he finds out!!! gasp!!! confirmation!!!

so is this whole story just… a cover up??? for fornication???

scully vs mulder time. “so what if they’re having sex?” he asks, which is funny coming from him; and anyway, he claims it happened BEFORE the alien stuff went down. but she thinks they’re traumatized, and that is more likely than alien abduction. 

until detective manners bursts in and claims he has an eyewitness to what went down! he used more blanks and bleeps and again the straight faces killllll me

and ALL OF THEM telling their stories start with “i know how crazy this all sounds” just as mr. chung had described LMAOOO. now who tf is this dude who says he was an eyewitness?

(i’m taking soooo many notes because i keep laughing and noting things. which is a good problem to have!)

this dude, named roky, spent 48 hours straight writing down what he saw, and said that by looking at this, they are putting their lives in danger. so okay. better be juicy.

he says his garage door opened up, a car pulled in, and a man told him some facts about venus. he says they put him in a trance! and that they were in all black……

mr. chung says that myths of men in black garments are nothing new!!! so take THAT, men in black legends, you are one of many.

back at roky's place, the other dude in black says jimmy carter thought he saw a UFO once, but it was just venus. roky is scandalized, grabs his paper, and states that he is a REPUBLICAN.

(omg jimmy carter is going to be 100 in a few months god willing…..)

this man in black is saying that roky saw VENUS and nothing else, just VENUS. and not to tell anyone he saw anything but VENUS or he will die. and then the car drives away. 

so after that build up, he gives mulder the manuscript, and says he is packing up and leaving. bye bye roky. hope you find some peace.

mulder is reading this story to scully who is sprawled on the bed, looking, again, angry and hot. it seems he is describing that earlier puppet-y action.

oh! roky was the electrical guy from the very beginning!!! he hides in his truck but the king kong looking fellow says “be not afraid” and that he is needed for the good of the earth? what is with the good of the earth here.

cutscene to a very baffled looking scully laying in bed as mulder continues to read LMAOOOOOO

AND ROKY’S STORY SAYS HE WENT NOT TO OUTER SPACE, BUT INNER SPACE HELPPP!!!! now, inner space is towards the core, if you, like me, were unaware. also, king kong godzilla dude’s name is Lord Kinbote, so jot that down.

mr. chung says he has a copy of roky’s manifesto- which was sent to his publisher? and LMAOOO the story is disturbing both for its soul orgy scenes and the fact that it is written as a screenplay 

well, surely your partner didn’t believe any of it, mr. chung states! “mulder’s had his share of peculiar notions” is scully's carefully worded reply... LMAOOO 

cutscene to her sitting up from the bed and calling him nuts <- LMAOOOOO but HE says that whatever roky saw may have triggered some delusions, and that the only story that doesn’t add up is chrissy’s, so he is calling to get her re-hypnotized, much to scully’s indignation!

so back to the hypnosis. and chrissy is now mirroring harold's story exactly. oh! she says the people who took them are from the air force?? so where did the gaga slay outfits go... 

the air force men are arguing in front of her. and then they say to “rinse her out”. saying it is for the good of her country. and stealing her memories!

so WHO is doing the real memory stealing here….. the aliens or the government?? an age old question!!! one that is at the heart of this series.

scully and mulder fight over what is going on, and he thinks that this might have nothing to do with aliens, until detective manners shows up with news that a crazy blankety blank claims to have an ALIEN BODY!!

(what if it’s a raccoon with mange…)

again, the man recounting this story begins with “i know how crazy this is going to sound”, but then says he wants to be abducted by aliens. well! i’m sure that’s a sexual thing i don’t care to unpack.

cutscene to mr. chung interviewing this same man, who wishes to go where finding a job is not a requirement. he was looking in a field for UFOs. and when he called the authorities upon spotting one, the agents show up!!

he says that scully was a man dressed as a woman but not pulling it off??? RUDE AS HELL! jail for 10,000 years. "HER HAIR WAS A LITTLE TOO RED, YOU KNOW?" LMAOOOOO and mulder was the “tall, lanky one” with a blank expression. well yeah that is an accurate depiction.

AND ACCORDING TO THIS GUY'S ACCOUNT, WHEN MULDER SEES THE BODY, HE SHRIEKS LIKE A STARTLED SQUIRREL I’M CRYINGGGG. so scully says to wrap this body up!

BUT THEN SHE GRABS HIM AND SAYS TO NEVER TELL ANYONE HE SAW THIS I’M CRYINGGGG... that had to be such a silly scene to film 

okay, seeing the part about subjective truths now. this is so funny... why is this loser making scully a hater in his version!!!

she’s PISSED to hear he claims she said this LMAOOO and that is ridiculous!! they even let him view the autopsy!!

so mulder takes this weirdo’s camera and records the autopsy?? scully cuts his brain open. and the tape ends up on late night television LMAOOOO

SCULLY IS SO EMBARRASSED THAT SHE IS ON THIS ALIEN HOAX AUTOPSY TAPE... I’M CRYING SOMEONE SAVE HER!!! and the host of whatever show they end upon is STUPENDOUS YAPPI FROM THE CLYDE BRUCKMAN EPISODE!!!! i'm howlingggg

she’s mad that whoever got the film edited out all the important scientific findings!!! like the two layers of skin!!!

wait. it’s a zipper. this is a dead guy in an alien suit. LMAOOOOOOOOO

the weird UFO cameraman kid is ill after realizing it was an ordinary dead guy, and scully looks deeply pained as he runs away to get sick LMAOOO

so: who is this dead guy? he was in the air force! and his name is robert. but who arrives but more people from the air force!! are they here to bury him?? or question the agents…

the folks from the air force want robert back, so she has to break the news that he is dead, and being kept for investigation into kidnapping. can they see him? scully is like yeah sure but mulder says no!!! but you CAN talk to the other AWOL guy we brought in. GASP!! a bluff!!! and it works!! from this they learn there is another missing guy!

LMAOOOO except it doesn’t go as smoothly as intended, and mulder is all “hmm he was here a few minutes ago… guess he’s still AWOL… anyway wanna see the body?” I’M CRYING THIS MANNNN IS SO RIDICULOUS 

but bad news: the body is gone. 

cameraman UFO guy is sitting on his floor watching the autopsy tape. when in bursts… the men in black from the earlier garage scene!!!! they knock him out. 

he claims mulder slapped him back to reality. and that he ALSO threatened him... me when i lie.

so mulder doesn’t have the tape. but when he drives home a fully naked man is walking about in the woods. it’s the other missing lieutenant, jack!! he is repeating “this is not happening” in the same voice as the alien as before!!!!! HUH WHAT IS GOING ON?

mulder takes jack to eat. he claims to have piloted the "UFO", and that all the abductions are military stuff, and at the base the abductees are messed with mentally, until they come out convinced they were probed by aliens. 

well okay, if its all the government, than what abducted YOU, jack? he isn’t sure about anything at all anymore, even if he exists. until who walks in... but the military!!

wait, mulder points out, it can’t all be fake- who was the third alien? jack seems to know him by name- lord kinbote. HUH?

and mr. chung heard a story about that same night from the cook at the restaurant! apparently mulder ordered sweet potato pie? huh, that’s interesting. and he kept ordering more and more pies with each question he asked the chef. LMAOOOO I just KNOW that scene was hard to film!!!! scenes where people eat always make me wonder how many times they had to have that damn bite of pie. 

but he claims there was no jack, nor any air force personnel at all. just a hungry mulder. again, so what is the truth...

mr. chung points out that scully doesn’t seem too phased to learn about all the contradictions in this story, and she says well no, not after what happened next. because when he got back to the motel, the men in black were in her room, going through her stuff! they claim she went to get some ice. he’s got 'em at gunpoint, screaming WHERE IS SHE!!! all protective, okay i see you. but she really did go to get some ice???

okay… man in black says that some alien encounters are engineered by the government and then exposed to discredit truth seekers. and mulder counters, well, people say the men in black also do purposefully strange things, so that anyone describing them sounds crazy! they proceed to… try and hypnotize him?

BUT IT’S ALEX TREBEK WHO IS DOING THE HYPNOTIZING???? LMAOOOOO HAS HE BEEN THE QUIET MAN IN BLACK THIS WHOLE TIME??

mr. chung is GAGGED, and wants to know if it WAS alex trebek, but sadly scully cannot confirm, for has no memory of this!! 

she woke up the next morning to mulder in her room….? and mr. chung is also gagged to hear this. me too tbh like did he just sleep on the couch? well we know that is how he sleeps at home so i guess i'm not shocked.

mulder’s trying to explain that she didn’t just "let him in" last night, but detective manners calls and says they found a bleeping UFO.

and what is it but…. a plane!! a secret plane!! and who are they carrying away on stretcher but the missing airmen, jack and robert???? SO HOW DID THEY DIE!

mr. chung puts his pen down, baffled, and scully points out that this story may not have a lot of closure, but it’s more than some of their other cases, which is funny because it is true. and she’s playing with her earrings and it’s so cute.

cutscene to mr. chung typing at his place. until a shadow approaches and he holds a tiny gun!!!! he is ready for a showdown but it’s… mulder at the door?

WAIT how does chung recognize him… did scully show him pictures i'm crying

mulder is in chung's apartment, asking him to not write the book, because it will do a disservice to a field that has always struggled to maintain credibility. we can’t understand these alternate realities yet!!! well. compelling argument... but mr. chung needs a paycheck. 

OH! and mulder suspects that the book is a “covert agenda” of the military industrial complex. always theories upon theories with this guy...

mr. chung says the book WILL be written, but he needs an explanation from mulder: what really happened to those kids on that night?

his answer: how the hell should i know?

(it was so perfect, i thought the episode would end right here)

mr. chung says he has deadlines, and mulder looks very sad, very previously neglected shelter dog rizz, and walks out. back to mr. chung’s furious typing. 

okay, so the cameraman now works for the electrical company roky worked for. because roky moved to california, preaching on purification and the inner earth and core enlightenment. right right right makes sense.

cutscene to scully reading the finished book by mr. chung!!! she is fictionalized as “diane” who is “noble of spirit and pure of heart” but “nevertheless a federal employee” LMAOOOO

and mulder is “renard muldrake” LMAOOOOO that is such a funny name... he's watching something in bed shirtless as his fictionalized self is being described- “a ticking time bomb of insanity” AND HE’S WATCHING THE BIGFOOT TAPES BAHAHAHAHA

chrissy now is an environmental advocate and harold still loves her but it isn’t required. aww harold :(

mr. chung ends by saying that we are not alone in this universe, but in our own way, we are all alone.

NEW BEST EPISODE CONTENDER???

this feels like one of those posts where people make up a bunch of information and then it all gets proven wrong so it is described as a "net zero information gain" bahaha

but don't get me wrong, i don't fully understand what happened, but i loved it. i was laughing, i was enjoying seeing the subjectivity of one story to the next, i was enjoying scully and chung time, and despite all the silly, we still got clues on the whole "is it aliens or the government" thing. and sure, maybe it doesn't make immediate sense, but you have to ponder these matters to learn what is at their heart!

so what DID we learn? well, some alien cases might be the government! but i guess that is still a "might", so maybe we can't truthfully say we LEARNED it. we learned that scully is a big fan of mr. chung!!! we learned that mulder is fiercely protective of his line of work from all his years of being ridiculed! and that he watches the famous bigfoot tape for fun and also maybe like sweet potato pie? it was unconfirmed.

i really enjoyed the playing with perspective, seeing how one character saw things, and then another. and seeing mulder and scully threaten that dweeb was so funny because it was so out of character and had to be silly to shoot.

and i thought it was impressive how it managed to tie back to the big alien and government mystery while still making me laugh so hard. how many past episodes can be analyzed through the lens of certain things being faked for exposure? and what REALLY happened to those airmen? we still don't know if mulder's convo with jack even happened! and we never will!

i came to appreciate the company of mr. chung immensely, even though i thought he was gonna be creepy after calling scully beautiful and touching her arm, but i suppose that he was just a genuinely sweet fellow. you can't blame me for being suspicious after some of the things she gets put through, but i'm sure that if i picked one of his books off the shelf, i, like scully, would be a fan.

overall, i am deeply pleased, and would love to give this a rewatch sometime when i am not taking notes so i could appreciate the pacing in more detail. man, season 3 has really been killing it, huh? and i'm nearing the end!!

[itmeansiris]

The Solar System Legacy Challenge: Start With the Sad Stuff Gen 1 pt.73

TW: Mention of car accidents and death

Beckett stepped inside admiring Madison's house. She closed the door and stood in the small entryway.

Beckett: Hey.

Madison: Sorry about the mess.

Beckett waved off her comment.

Beckett: You call this a mess? You should have tried living with my college roommates. That was a mess.

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes he realized.

Beckett: Your home is lovely. It reminds me of my childhood home in Tomarang. It has a certain warmth and charm to it, like you.

He wasn't trying to deliver some cheesy pickup line. He'd felt her warmhearted nature from the moment they'd met and her home outwardly expressed that. It was filled with soft hues of blue and grey while the bulk of the furniture was white. It was cozy and inviting with its crowded bookshelves and small kitchen.

Madison: Sorry for ruining the plans. You went to the trouble to plan... you didn't say where we were going.

Beckett laughed shyly scratching the back of his neck.

Beckett: It seems pretty lame now. Remember last week you mentioned that Moonwood Mills author, Vulfgang Mulder. Well, he was just nominated for an award for "Packs & Prejudice". When I read the article it said that a popup cat cafe planned to be in town this week and they booked him for the entire time to do a live reading. I figured cats, writers, and a little artsy shopping. The cafe was serving dinner, I promise. I didn't intend to make you eat croissants and caffeine every time we went out and now I'm likely rambling.

Beckett: Madison!

Madison was floored. What he'd planned sounded like a dream, but in that moment she realized just how little Paris had truly known about her in the last 20 years. When they spoke about the plans for that day, almost a week ago, Beckett had requested that he be allowed to plan the whole thing. She had been a little skeptical but he'd seemed so excited and she'd wanted to please him. At the time it had seemed like such a mundane thing to give up. Now she could see that it hadn't been a minor deal to him at all. Vulfgang Mulder wrote Romance novels. She'd been following his work for a few months. He'd recently released a new book "Wolf's Next Door" and Madison had told Beckett how she'd been meaning to pick up a copy but hadn't had time. She had only mentioned it once and briefly during one of their many conversations. Clearly, he'd been listening.

He soothed her as she sobbed, never leaving her side until she could manage to take slow even breaths. He helped her sit back on her heels.

Beckett: You want to tell me about it?

Madison: It's a mess..

Beckett: I planned to spend the whole day listening to you tell me about your life, no offense to Vulfgang. So what if we have to start with the sad stuff.

Madison sighed, she got to her feet with some assistance from Beckett. She took a seat on the couch inviting him to sit beside her before she told him everything.

Madison: I met Paris in the third grade. We were friends almost instantly. Her family is pretty wealthy and she had all the newest toys so she insisted we spend most afternoons at her house with the babysitter. Her parents were hardly around so we got away with a lot of stuff. Plus with a house that big it was pretty easy to stay out of the way.

As she recounted her childhood Beckett heard her stomach growl.

Beckett: I could whip up something if you didn't mind me using your kitchen.

Madison: Really? I could just order a pizza or something.

Beckett: I think you could use a home-cooked meal.

He rummaged through the cabinets and fridge gathering ingredients. As he expertly prepared a group serving of Chicken Stir-Fry she told him about high school and Paris's first romantic endeavor.

Jared Hollands was the 10th-grade English teacher at San Myshuno High. He was too young to be a teacher and all the girls in his class had a thing for him. But a schoolgirl crush and swooning over him during lunch hadn't been enough for Paris. Madison had noticed her flirting with him during class and finally towards the end of the first semester she'd admitted that she was sleeping with him.

Madison: I tried to talk her out of seeing him anymore but Paris does what Paris wants. She would ask me to cover for her in between classes or tell her parents she was at my house when she was really staying the night with Mr.Hollands. When his wife found out it got pretty bad. She started stalking Paris at school, parking her car outside in the student parking lot. Just, waiting. One day she confronted Paris when school let out.

She paused not wanting to speak of the incident but needing to.

Madison: I felt so bad for the woman. Paris just laughed at her. I pulled her away and we got in the car. Paris had robotics and I stayed for bookclub that afternoon so it was late. We didn't realize she was following us until we were halfway home. She rammed the car.

Closing her eyes as she pictured the cars on the road that night.

Madison: We veered off the road and crashed into a pole. Paris walked away with a few scraps and bruises. I spent 2 weeks in the hospital...Mrs.Hollands didn't make it off the road.

Beckett cleared the dishes while Madison poured cups of wine. They head to the back porch to enjoy the last of the daylight.

Madison: After High school, the plan was always to paint. San Myshuno seemed like the obvious choice with its huge art scene but the art style was a little too grudge for my taste. I wasn't sure what to do for a while and I stopped painting. Of course, Paris told me that I shouldn't have wasted my time with the "Stupid hobby" in the first place. I wasn't painting anymore but for a few months I started taking freelance work doing digital sketch art, good money but I'm a painter at heart. My mom landed some work in Brindelton Bay, She's an artist herself, so I tagged along figuring I could use the change of scenery. The moment we got off the train in Whiskerman's Wharf I fell in love. The ocean and all the boats, the lighthouse, and nature. I'd found my muse.

For the first time all night, she really smiled.

Madison: Suddenly I was painting again. I talked to my mom and during the 2 weeks we were here she helped me find an affordable place and I set my date to move.

But the smile faded just as quickly as it appeared.

Madison: When I got back I was so excited to tell Paris. I shouldn't have been. She threw a fit, Paris style of course. Said I was "abandoning her for some talentless tree huggers". She didn't talk to me the whole month I was preparing to move.

She looked down at her hands. While telling the story, she felt embarrassed about how she had allowed Paris to treat her over the tenure of their friendship.

Madison: She..she stopped by the day I was leaving just to drop off a painting I made for her. Said she didn't need it anymore. She dropped it in the street by my stuff and left. I was in Brindelton Bay for 2 weeks without hearing from her. On my third week here I found her on my doorstep with a suitcase.

She went into detail about Paris's drinking and partying habits. How she would bring different guys home nearly every night. She finally got to when Paris got the job at Bay's Robotic Engineers.

Madison: Paris was always good at building things. It kind of runs in the family seeing how her father builds rockets for a living. When she left home she came with no plan. Her mother was furious, but her father made a few phone calls and the next morning she landed the internship. I thought it was the best thing ever. A way to get her out of the house doing something other than drinking.

She explained how amazing the first 2 months were. Paris had seemed to be on track to securing the job and making a real life for herself in Brindelton Bay.

Madison: Or so I thought. At the end of summer, she came home after work rambling about some guy at work. Apparently, he was the head of the mechanical engineering department and was returning from leave. They assigned him to train her. She wouldn't stop talking about him. Every day got worse until they sent them on a business trip together.

Madison told Beckett about the trip based on what Paris had shared.

Beckett: Sounds like your friend is looking for trouble. If this guy is married and made it clear he was uninterested why go to all the trouble.

Madison shook her head.

Madison: I told her the same thing. You'd think she'd have learned her lesson from the first time. She's just used to getting what she wants.

She tells him about the airport and the phone call the night at the club.

Beckett: No offense but your friend sounds a little erratic.

She smirked and pushed back a stray lock of hair.

Madison: What does that make me? I was her best friend for years.

Beckett: A saint.

She turned away from his intense gaze feeling her face warm.

Madison: U..Until that point, I had never seen this guy. Then Pumpkin got sick and I didn't want to go to the clinic alone. By then Paris had moved into her own place. I called her and asked her to come with me. It was there that we ran into the guy. He didn't notice us so Paris told me to go over and say hi, and against my better judgment I did.

The shame started to creep in again. She started to wonder if maybe Kason was right to be mad at her for what Paris had done. She hadn't done anything to truly stop her. Had she been an accomplice?

Madison: Stupidly I didn't realize she had an ulterior motive. He turned out to be a really nice guy and you'd never believe me but he's also married to my favorite author.

Beckett: Well that was a nice turn of events.

Madison: It was. He was kind and when he found out I was a fan he offered to help me and my book club meet her. We got together to plan the whole thing. That was the day we met at the cafe.

Beckett: Sounds like a decent guy. It sucks he has to put up with Paris.

Madison: Yeah well, I didn't realize that she followed me to the meeting...

Beckett: Followed you?

Madison: No, nothing like that. I invited her to be polite, but I knew she would never come. Paris hates reading anything that isn't a wine label.

She scoffed sarcastically.

Beckett: You're funny.

He smiled trying to lighten the mood. She grinned back sadly.

Madison: What's not funny is she took pictures of me and Kason and posted the damned things online. Now his wife thinks we're sleeping together. Which we obviously are not. But because of that, he hates me, which I can't say I blame him for. It's not like I warned him or even told him I knew Paris. I kept telling myself I would tell him before it blew up in my face I just couldn't find the time. But I knew how much Paris hated Mercury, I should have seen this coming.

Finally, she stopped her rant to take a breath.

Beckett: Mercury?

But Madison hadn't heard him. She was off on another tangent

Madison: He's going to cancel the event. All the work they put into this and they won't even get to meet their favorite author because of me.

All the pieces fell into place, the puzzle becoming whole for Beckett.

Beckett: Are you talking about Mercury and Kason Gratz? Like Mercury the writer?

Madison: I never told you who my favorite author was did I.

Beckett: Show me the pictures.

She stared up at him her eyes filled with hurt and confusion.

Madison: Beckett I swear there's nothing to see.

Beckett soothed her unease, figuring she had misunderstood his reasons for asking to see the photos.

Beckett: I believe you. But please, I need to see the pictures.

Beckett: That's Kason and Comet.

Madison: How did you know the dog's name?

He hesitates for a second before answering

Beckett: Kason is my brother-in-law.

Madison: Your.. brother....in-law.

She shook her head with wide eyes.

Madison: There's no way...

Beckett: Mercury is my older sister.

Previous Next

Beginning

Sidebar: So I didn’t realize how important TW were. I apologize if I’ve been insensitive at any point and will be sure to add them from this point on. Next I want to give all the props in the world to any simmer that uses T.O.O.L. ( it kicked my a** for that car)

Poses: @rebouks table talks sad

@elen-shine letter poses & confidential conversation

[cecilysass]

Please write more of these, never stop

I love original fanfic ideas so much, but also: I could read these particular contrived scenarios told again and again and again, and I am not ashamed to admit it. Okay, I'm a little ashamed. But not very much.

Marriage of convenience (like Nuptiae Sub Rosa by @xfmaweezy and @sisterspooky1013 or All That Is Dark and Bright by @malibusunset-xf-blog). Absolute gold in every way and I will read every variation.

Scully pretending to be Mulder's 900 number girl (done recently in Dropped Call by @phillippadgettwrites)

The awkward first descent into phone sex in general, including and especially calls from the fertility clinic. This is done in an especially brilliant way in Vox Mulder: Wired and Fired by @darwin-xf.

All Milagro post-eps that force them to address "Agent Scully is already in love" without being too obvious

Almost all DeadAlive and Three Words post-eps period, because those eps just are fertile ground, no pun intended. I have a whole discussion about that and recs right here.

M&S have sex for non-romantic reasons (like, they're trying out friends with benefits, or they're trying to conceive a baby, or some other ridiculous reason). This obviously is a delightful way to show repressed feelings.

Mulder's psychic fics. I feel like there could be so many more of these. This one (Dissonance by suilven) has a killer set up and I revisit it a lot, but we should have more riffs on this concept.

All right, yes, jealousy fics, I know, very basic of me, but I just really like these. I personally like them when the angst goes really, really far. Like you want to die it hurts so bad far. That one moment in Pilgrims Creeping Towards the Dawn by @softnow where Scully hears Diana say “Fox” in the background on the phone? Inject that into my veins.

Contamination shower fics. Yeah. Enough said.

There are more than this, because actually I get wasted on tropes all the time. What do y'all like? And more importantly, DO YOU HAVE RECS FOR ANY OF THESE?

(The fics I mention here are linked here on my favorite fics doc, if you want to find them. If you haven’t read some of these, DO IT.)

[randomfoggytiger]

Collector's Edition: Samantha Mulder's (Many) Returns

In honor of anon's request: "I was wondering if you had any fic recommendations in which Mulder found Samantha? I'm having a hard time with closure ahah."

(Here are some previous Samantha fic lists:

Meet the Mulders    

Redux II Samantha Was Real

Little Samantha’s Life in Capture

A Tribute to Samantha's 50th Anniversary)

Loose chronological order below~

CANON-DIVERGENT

Pequod's Way Beyond Blue

He summoned up all the courage he'd ever had, or ever needed and walked into his future.

Pre-Sein und Zeit Mulder has a prophetic dream.

eponine119's

Odyssey

"I'm supposed to believe you did him a *favor* when you killed a little girl and - what, paid some workmen - to plant her scoured bones in that basement?" demanded Scully.

Pre-Sein und Zeit Scully is commanded by CSM not to tell Mulder that Samantha is dead.

Searching in Vain

Fingers moving through disturbed earth over bone. He couldn't look and yet he had to. The right size. The right injuries. Including that final, horrible one.

AU-- Mulder is suppressing the true nature of Samantha's twisted death.

Glimpse

The hours dissolved as he sat entranced, watching himself on videotape in situations where he knew he'd never been. A wedding. To Scully, a beautiful bride. Surprisingly, the tears didn't come when he saw Samantha on the tape, alive and grown and lovely. The tears came when he saw the children on video.

AU-- Mulder is shot into a horrific alternate universe where he gained (and lost) a happy ending.

@agent-troi's This Heart That I Misplaced

She looked just like the others… but something was missing. Something essential had been taken from her, and somehow that convinced him beyond any last shred of doubt that this was in fact his Samantha.

AU-- Pre-Closure nurse died saving Samantha's life; and her sacrifice kicks off the finale of Mulder's journey.

Justin Glasser's (xphilefic) Orrery

I don't remember a lot about where I was before I was here. I remember someplace else. There was water there, and I wasn't too warm all the time. And I remember that I miss it, but I don't know why. Here is okay, when there are no tests. Jeffrey lets me pet his dog.

AU-- Post Closure Mulder's happy ending is torn from him after Harold's son is found alive.

amorfati3215's The 5 Ads for If Samantha Was Found Alive

“My name is Claire,” she replies softly. “But I used to be called Samantha.”

AU-- Closure Scully tracks down the nurse who rescued and raised Samantha.

@all-these-ghosts's (Ao3) happily ever after

“She was married for a few years, but her husband passed away. Georgie and Lauren moved back in with me after. Lauren was just a baby when it happened.”

AU-- Closure Mulder and Samantha reunite.

DaynaFox's The Return of Samantha Mulder

“Are you another cop?” she asked him. “Did you find my Mom and Dad yet? They only went next store, to visit the Galbrands. Did you ask the Galbrands where they went?”

Samantha, the Galbrands have both been dead for over 15 years… Mulder thought as he gazed at her. 

AU-- Post Closure Mulder is given a call from the authorities: his sister is not dead; and has been returned, not a day older, with no memory of her disappearance.

AU

@ghostbustermelanieking/skuls's

AU: The Mulders adopted Samantha instead of her being abducted.

Later on, he’s kind of glad he’s an only child.

What it says on the tin.

november 27, 1973

Her mother cries, pulls her into her lap and holds her tightly, says, “My baby, my baby,” over and over again. Samantha asks for cookies, and her mother takes her to the kitchen and pours her a glass of milk and stacks three cookies in front of her even though the rule is no more than 2 and not after bedtime. It’s past her bedtime, but she eats them anyway, has never remembered being this hungry.

Different endings to Samantha's abduction.

california winter

Fox gulped. He wanted to change his mind in that moment, but he heard Samantha and Jeffrey crying in the closet and he couldn't say a word. He had to be the brave big brother. He had to protect him.

Mulder and Samantha are both taken; and devise a plan of escape with little Jeffrey in tow.

X-Files Fictober: woman, socks, locker. setting: abandoned storage unit.

He turns and sees the girl, much younger than her with dark hair curling down her back, dressed in the same hospital gown as her. No shoes, just socks.

One Breath Scully escapes with Samantha.

Half-Light Universe

You have another chance to figure out what happened to Samantha. She may not be dead. All of it… you get another chance.

He wonders if it’s worth it.

Revival Mulder and Scully are shot back to those nine minutes they lost in the Pilot, with a chance to make everything-- or more things-- right.

@pilotinthestars's the holding-her-breath girl (Ao3)

It hit him then. She’d never been to this house, the one Teena had bought after the divorce in Connecticut.

Samantha is gone; Samantha is returned; and Samantha might not stay.

Erin M. Blair's

Turning Nine

"It's not your fault, Fox."

Samantha is returned from her abduction; and refuses to tell anyone except Mulder about her experiences.

Newfound Love

"I know," said Samantha as she took the photo from Scully. "I want to find him...."

Mulder, not Samantha, was abducted; and she and Scully (with the help of Deep Throat) help rescue him years later.

Discovery Of Samantha

"You look as though you had seen a ghost," Jennifer remarked, with a wry sense of humor.

Mulder and Scully are happily married (despite Diana's machinations); and find out one of their friends is Samantha.

@discordantwords's (Ao3) Lethe

She cannot remember the song, cannot remember her mother's name. But she remembers the sound of laughter, the red polka dots on her dress, bare toes in thick pile carpet.

Pre-One Breath Scully finds Samantha on the train car.

@i-gaze-at-scully's AU where the Samantha clone was actually the real Samatha

Mulder doesn’t attend the funeral. Can’t face his parents, can’t face the finality of two decades’ worth of his quest finally ending. Can’t face the 28 year old cold body of his 8 year old sister.

End Game Samantha wasn't a clone.

Mystic's

Misnomer

She watched them run test on her blood and her skin, they were exited by everything about her. She didn't understand.

X tells Mulder where to find Samantha... but, as always, nothing is ever clean-cut.

Secrets in the Forest

"Scully there's something you have to know about Kinnear. The night's are cold. I don't mean Washington D.C. cold, I mean cold." Samantha said accenting that last 'cold'.

Mulder and Scully inadvertently find Samantha while investigating a UFO case.

JLB's Lost and Found

"The test results determined that there is a match," she says quietly. "This is Samantha."

DNA confirms that one of Roche's victims was Samantha; and Scully tries to keep Mulder from falling completely apart.

@officialmulder/specialagentpao's broken hearts, paper hearts

It was going to be a snowy day. Mulder smiled to himself. Samantha liked snowy days. It was an excuse to stay in bed and drink hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows. They were allowed to do it once or twice a year.

Roche did kill Samantha; and Tena Mulder blames her son.

@slippinmickeys's

AU where Roche DID kill Samantha (Ao3)

In a photo in the lower right-hand corner, Samantha was posing with a brand new bike, dressed in a floral nightgown, the tree behind her covered in garish amounts of tinsel.

Post Memento Mori Mulder finds evidence that the last girl was Samantha, after all.

Livia Balaban's

180-Word Self-Imposed Challenge: Samantha's Fate - Version Four

And now a new lie. That she is my sister. I look into her unblinking Hazel gaze, and shake my head. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Redux II Samantha appears, again; but Mulder doesn't believe she's his sister.

Cunegund's Restoration I & II

Nine-year-old Samantha sits with us, another addition to our new family, and Krycek seems impossibly pleased with himself as he eats his own omelet with his right hand while he stirs his coffee with his left.

Post Requiem Mulder returns-- via the efforts of Krycek, TLG, and even Morris Fletcher-- with the abductees and his still young sister... right in time for his growing family to go into hiding.

Susanne Barringer's Thicker than Blood

Mulder stepped into the kitchen and immediately Samantha dropped Scully's hand. She shifted her position to put some distance between them, and her face turned hard.

Post Redux II Samantha appears again... and not for benevolent purposes.

Amy's Where Are You, China Blue?

"You're not listening."

"Yes, I am."

"Then stop it, Daddy. Just hear me out. I don't care anymore."

Post Redux II Samantha is sick and tired of CSM's games.

@writingwell/RocketMan's (xanadu) A Jerry Maguire Ending

"Why are you still here, Mulder? Your life long quest has ended. Samantha is back, and you know the reasons behind it, if not the purpose. What keeps you here?"

Post Redux II Samantha is incensed that her brother doesn't want to quit the files.

Susan Proto's

Familiar Faces

There was no doubt in his mind it was Samantha.

Or a clone.

Post Fight the Future Mulder and Scully see a Samantha lookalike; and Scully decides to do some investigating.

Miracles

"Fox, you're wrong. He can help your partner," Christeena attempted to convince. "He cured me, and he can cure Dana. Fox, I swear. I swear on your sister's life."

Scully is pregnant and in a coma, Maggie doesn't consider Mulder 'family', and Tena has known all along her daughter is still alive.

Jennifer Maurer's Perfect Gifts

"Yes. I have Agent Mulder's sister Samantha."

Scully makes a Christmas monkey paw deal for Samantha's return.

Lauren's (MC) The Return

The side profile of the child looked vaguely familiar. Mulder squinted his eyes to look closer. He suddenly felt the strength drain from his body as recognition registered for a brief minute.

Samantha is briefly returned; and CSM tries to use that to his advantage, luring Mulder into a death trap.

Sarah Ellen Parsons's 180-Word Self-Imposed Challenge: Samantha's Fate - Version One

I look at them suspended in greenish liquid - my children.

Samantha is a co-conspirator in the clone project.

Mish's Contact

His eyes swim with unshed tears but his words are steady. "I had the Gunmen search for her. Actually, she seems to be leading a pretty normal, happy life." His lips curve in a watery smile.

Post The Unnatural Mulder brings Scully to watch a little league baseball game; and has one more surprise in store for her.

@cecilysass's The Boy on the Beach (Ao3)

He recounted it like it was an exciting action tale, like it was a comic book, and Samantha just stared at him, gimlet-eyed. Maybe it was right to trust him to handle his own sister. Then again, he had a well-documented tendency to make reckless moves, even when he was in his thirties.

Post Amor Fati Scully is whisked back in time, resigning herself to being trapped in the past forever if she can save Samantha from being abducted.

@o6666666's (Ao3) What's your headcanon for if Samantha was found?

“I’m fine,” Scully calls to her, eyes still beating down on Pfaster. “I’m fine, Samantha!” But she is shaking from head to toe, teeth chattering as if her apartment’s cold. 

Scully, Mulder, and Samantha adjust to the latter's return, riding the ups and downs of Season 7 together.

 finisterre's The Tunnel at the End of the Light

It's her, the woman from the video, peering out of the door. I can only see the right half of her face in the murk of the room. I relax a little; this has to be the right place.

Samantha and her two sons escape, looking for Mulder's help-- not knowing he'd recently been abducted.

Gillian Leigh's (MC) Visitor in the Desert (MC)

"Samantha?" The woman stared at him without recognition for a moment, and then her own hazel eyes widened behind the simple frames of her glasses.

Season 9 Mulder is visited by his daughter from the future-- who helps him prevent William's adoption and reunites him with his sister (and Scully's brothers) in an underground colony.

Donna's After the Future

The atmosphere was nothing like when he had been a child. He could remember hiding in the loft with Samantha watching their parents fight or their father conspire against humankind.

Part II to a Colonization timeline, Scully barters for Samatha's life so Mulder (and their biological and adopted children) can be at peace.

@mldrgrl's Some Other Me

There’s a Fox Mulder whose sister wasn’t taken from him by aliens.  Instead, she died in a drowning accident at their summer home when she was four.

A series of AUs for Mulder, Scully, and Samantha.

@wexleresque/hellsteeth's the holidays linger like bad perfume (Ao3)

“I grew up here, my parents both still live here, but they’re separated. My sister…isn’t well. They share the responsibility of caring for her, and as they’ve gotten older, I’ve been trying to come back more often and help out.”

Mulder and Scully briefly meet on the Vineyard, and swap some intriguing family history.

Leni's Partnership

It had taken a year of partnership to learn about Mulder's little sister. 

Mulder is an author, penning out the stories he'd told his late sister growing up.

@swinging-stars-from-satellites's no but the concept of Samantha Mulder being returned to the world at 14

she wants to know her own history and what Changed Her and it worries her, gets her deep enough into her head — Mulders, conscious of it or not, have depressive, obsessive tendencies — that she finally tries regression hypnotherapy....

Samantha, amnesic and happily adopted, works tirelessly to learn about her old life.

Keri Gontarek's Reunited II

"Yes. And she's fine. A little weak--apparently, Krycek was pumping her full of morphine and other drugs, but she's recovering."

Scully is an FBI Director when Mulder rejoins her life. In part one, it's revealed they have a son. In part two, they find and rescue Samantha.

Taverl's Notes II

But he took it even worse than I had imagined, shutting himself off from anyone and everyone. Especially me. After seventeen years of friendship and almost eleven of marriage, I know Mulder too well not to realize that he never held me responsible for the fact that he didn't find Samantha until it was too late. It was his own innate and well-honed sense of guilt that made him hurl accusations at me; that made him blame me for not finding her it time to save her. That didn't make it hurt any less, though.

Mulder's marriage falls apart after finding his dead sister; and Scully (and Skinner) finds him, half dead, in the tub.

@dreamingofscully's Surely, to the sea (Ao3)

She sighed, then stepped forward and took one of his hands. “Years ago. Samantha.”

Mulder’s eyes dropped to the floor and his hand went limp in hers. Silence draped over them as he processed her words. She knew what he was thinking, because the same ideas flitted around her own mind. 

Samantha's mysterious illness is mentioned as part of a larger casefile (featuring married paranormal investigators Mulder and Scully.)

Medusa's Sandcastles

"Samantha?"

She smiled at him. The most beautiful smile he'd ever seen, bar one.

Mulder wakes from a coma, having dreamt the X-files as an entire, false life.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[television-overload]

of our own making

(an X-Files fanfic)

Chapter 10/34 - new years rockin' eve

[Read on AO3]

After the pleasant, downright normal Christmas they'd had, Mulder wasn't surprised that their New Years Eve was spent being chased by zombies like something out of one of his bad horror flicks.

He did, however, get to spend it with Scully, which was all he really could have asked of the day.

Their first few days back at work had been pretty run-of-the-mill. The traffic in the hallways was a little lighter, with some agents taking additional days off until after the new year. They used their slow days to complete the adoption paperwork and send it in, which allowed them to put it out of their minds so they could finally focus on work.

Aside from Skinner briefly asking in passing if they'd actually done it (trying his hardest to appear only mildly interested), it was easy to forget the monumental step they'd taken over the holidays. Their rings remained safely tucked under their clothes while on the job, but when he was at home, Mulder liked to wear it in its intended place, finding it helped him focus his thoughts when he twisted it idly on his finger.

A mangled arm was a small price to pay for ringing in the new year with his partner by his side, all things considered. A happy ending for all, most especially for Frank Black and his daughter.

Scully watches as the older man wraps the girl in his arms, burying his face in her hair. It's a sweet sight, but something about it makes her grow pensive, her expression darkening.

“What kind of world would we be bringing a child into, Mulder?” she asks quietly, unable to tear her eyes away from the little family as they leave the room hand in hand.

Her words surprise him in their negativity, drawing a halfhearted chuckle from his throat. “Correct me if I’m wrong, Scully, but adoption usually means we’re getting a kid that’s already in the world, doesn’t it?

Her shoulders deflate a little and she casts an unamused glance in his direction, looking far more vulnerable than she typically allows herself to be.

“You know what I mean.”

He does. Of course he does.

“Well, it’s the same world people have been bringing children into for millennia,” he reasons. “And now we’re about to be in a whole new one.”

He nods back at the TV screen, tuned in to Dick Clark's coverage of Times Square. All those people, completely oblivious to the dangers lurking in this world that defy logic and reason. Zombies are the last thing on any of their minds as they count down to the new year. 

“But I believe mankind, in its essence, stays the same,” he finishes.

He'd faced this question months and months ago when Scully had asked him about IVF. Was this a life he could bring a child into? Was he a person worthy of being a father, even if only by genetics? The conclusions he'd come to had not been arrived at lightly.

“We can do this, Scully,” he says, softer. Sure. “We might have to make some changes, but… when it comes down to it, you and I are no different than anyone else wanting to raise a child.”

She gives him a disbelieving look, her eyebrow quirking into the air. He knows what she’s thinking; The reanimated corpses they'd just encountered would like a word.

“No, think about it,” he continues. “What's the one thing all parents—well, the good ones—have in common?” His question is semi-rhetorical, and she doesn't seem inclined to respond, so he answers for her. “They want what's best for their children, and they do all that they can to provide it to them because they love them. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty willing to do just that. And I think you are too, if these are the things you're worried about.”

Scully sighs, looking up at him from beneath her eyelashes. “Mulder…”

“I promise to protect you and any children we may acquire from zombies and all other supernatural forces of evil, okay? Is that what you want to hear?” he adds, his joke finally drawing a smile out of her.

“Don't call it 'acquiring,’ Mulder,” she says with a breathy laugh. “That's weird.”

With the mood successfully lightened, he turns his attention back to the TV, where Dick Clark is beginning to count down.

“The world’s a-changing, Scully,” he says as he moves closer, tilting his head up to watch the broadcast. She mirrors him, standing close by his side.

“Thirty seconds, now. Thirty,” Dick Clark announces as the camera hones in on the Times Square ball, lit up in bright colors as it begins its descent. “Hug your friends and loved ones tight. What the heck, whoever that person is next to you. No time like the present!”

Now there's an idea…

“Here we go!” the announcers chant.

Ten!

Mulder looks down to his left. Well, she is standing next to him, after all. Why not?

Nine.

She's smiling. She has a beautiful smile, too. He's always thought so.

Eight… Seven… Six…

New Year's Eve is plausible deniability, right? If this doesn't work? Maybe there's a written rule somewhere he can check…

Five, four.

Well, it’s not like they haven’t done it before…

Three. Two.

Is this a stupid idea?

One.

Without further ado, Dick Clark's voice cheers, “Happy New Year 2000!” and Mulder makes his decision, leaning toward her with purpose. No turning back now.

She catches him at the last second, and by then it's too late to play it off. The only option is to follow through.

And follow through he does.

His eyes flutter closed as his lips make contact with hers, their touch light and tentative as it had been in the courtroom just a week before, only this time, he waits a moment longer to pull back. Her hand reaches up to cup his cheek, and it immediately sends his heart pounding into his throat, and he finds he can't speak. Auld Lang Syne is playing, but the sound fades from his ears.

The only thing his senses can hear, feel, taste, smell, is her.

When he opens his eyes again, she is staring at him, an unreadable expression on her face. Her hand hasn't moved, and neither does he.

“I—”

“Mulder, I—

Whatever words he was trying to conjure to explain himself die on his lips in an instant, and he can do nothing but gape at her. The air feels charged, and all at once he wishes he'd never done it and that he'd done it years ago.

His eyes flick down to her lips and then back to her eyes, desperate to know what words will come out of them next.

“I– got a call from the adoption agency,” she finishes, and his thoughts come crashing back to the present, his heartbeat pounding at an alarming rate. However he'd thought she might finish that sentence, that wasn't it. 

She's looking at him though, worry flickering in her eyes.

“Th– the adoption agency?” he asks, his good hand slackening its hold on her lower back.

She nods.

“What did they say?”

Suddenly he feels nauseous, like maybe the mixture of zombies, drugs, and potentially life changing news was a little too much for his stomach all in one night.

“They… said that our application looks good, and they want to schedule a preliminary interview.”

At this, even his fingers on his injured arm have to reach out to her, brushing against the fabric of her shirt at her waist and stretching his sling to its limit.

“What?”

She nods again in confirmation, looking equal parts scared and excited.

“Scully that's– that's great news! It's good news, right?”

He doesn't know what he'll do if she gets cold feet now. A crushing blow like that isn't exactly how he'd like to start out this century, much less the millennium. 

Her hand drops to his shoulder and she smiles, holding tight to him.

“It's good,” she confirms, though a trace of doubt still remains in her voice.

He pulls her into a hug, resigning his poor limp arm to be stuck uncomfortably between them, but otherwise holding her tight.

“Mulder, we're actually going through with this?” she asks into his shoulder.

He nods emphatically, a wide grin stretching his face. “Heck yeah, Scully!”

“They could still tell us no.”

His little pessimist. Good thing he's got enough belief for the both of them.

“Not until they've seen us and we've pled our case,” he says, pulling back to look at her. “Call ‘em back and make an appointment!”

Tears begin to pool in her eyes and she nods shakily again. “Okay,” she says, and releases his shoulder to wipe the wetness beneath her eyes. “Okay, I’ll– um… I’ll call them tomorrow.”

He wants to kiss her again. He wants to so bad, but he doesn't. Emotions are understandably high, and this entire situation is so confusing and complicated already, that he's not sure anymore where they stand.

One day, he thinks. One day he'll find the courage.

“Hey, Scully,” he says instead, placing his hand on the back of her neck to capture her attention. 

She looks up at him tearfully. He shrugs and smiles goofily, relief and hope shining in his eyes.

“The world didn't end.”

~~~

Should I? Oh, why not. One more chapter. It's the weekend.

Chapter 11/34 - confessions

The interview with the adoption agency is scheduled for Friday of that week, which Skinner happily approves time off for. That leaves less than six days to prepare, and Scully busies herself with making sure they have everything they could possibly need to maximize their chances.

The night before the big day, Mulder is ordered to come over for a last minute study session (not that he would have been unwilling if she’d asked nicely, but with the stress she’s under, it comes out as more of a command). It feels like Arcadia again, going under cover, making sure they both have their stories straight.

Only this time, their cover is more or less their real life, give or take a few necessary oversimplifications.

“So, we’ve covered employment, medical history, familial relationships…” Scully lists, kneeling beside an array of papers spread out on her coffee table. “Am I leaving anything out?”

She bites the tip of her pen, glancing over her notes with her brows furrowed in thought. Reviewing this stuff could mean the difference between a happily ever after and rejection, that’s the scariest thing. She just wants to be thorough, and Mulder—bless him—has humored her thus far, answering questions, finding solutions to explain their… less than ordinary pasts. 

It takes her a moment to notice when he doesn’t immediately answer, the silence dragging on just a little too long. Her first assumption is that he’s fallen asleep—which she wouldn’t blame him for if he did—but that assumption is quashed the moment she looks up at him on the couch, the serious expression on his face instantly shifting the mood.

“Mulder?” she asks, a worried crease appearing on her forehead.

"You know, we never talked about it," he says quietly, carefully, glancing across the coffee table at her. “Not really.”

"About what?" She’s starting to get anxious.

"The IVF."

And there they are, the three letters that still fill her stomach with dread and immense sadness anytime she hears them.

I. V. F. 

"Mulder..." she starts, but he only leans forward, reaching out across the coffee table for her hand.

"I want to. I really do, Scully. I need to talk about it. It could come up tomorrow."

"I don't really like... thinking about it,” she says softly, wanting desperately to look away from the pleading expression that she knows she can’t say no to.

"I know. But don't you think we should?” he argues. “I mean, we can't brush it away like it never happened, Scully, I won't do that. It was important to me."

She doesn’t want to hear this. Her heart twists painfully, and she slams her eyes shut to lock down the tears beginning to form, shaking her head. Sure, she knows he’d wanted it back then, had hoped it would succeed. But it’s too late. It’s in the past, and she’d like to leave it there, if at all possible. To hear him say, in as many words, exactly how much he’d invested emotionally in those tiny embryos…

She doesn’t think her heart can take it.

"Since when do you like talking about things like this?" she asks, trying once to pull her hand away. “Things that… cause you pain?”

He clings on tighter, rubbing soothing circles on the back of her hand with both of his. "I can tell you the exact moment, Scully, and it’s when you knocked on my door in a dingy motel room and asked me what those bumps on your back were."

His earnest words stun her into silence.

Rain on the windows. A story of tragedy and determination. Honest words coming from the lips of a man she’d met only days before.

That trust had been there from the start.

He stands from his place on the couch and circles the coffee table, carefully pushing aside the papers in front of her to make a space for himself to sit. "The past hurts, but somehow—” he continues, “somehow you make it easier to face. To me, at least."

She sighs, turning her head so that she can muster enough strength to answer his heartfelt plea. Articulating something like this is not her strong suit, but for him, she’ll try.

"I– I've never wanted anything more in my life,” she breathes, the admission one she has never spoken aloud. 

It’s the truth, though, and he knows better than anyone how difficult that is for her. Scully is not one for dreaming big, expecting rich blessings from the earth or her life. She, like him, has grown used to being disappointed, to having the things she wants taken away from her. He could make an itemized list, if he wanted to, of all the ways they’d been let down. Even the expectation of a clean, comfortable motel room has been slowly drained from her, and yet she had still allowed herself to hope in this.

“You know, for a minute, I really did think it had worked, that I was—" She pauses, leaving the word pregnant to hang in the air. Instead, she takes a shaky breath and continues. "Do you remember that day I got sick in the car on the way to a crime scene?"

She doesn’t have to specify which one, because it had only ever happened once, that was what was so odd about it.

"I thought that was it,” she says, “I thought that maybe—"

"I thought the same thing," Mulder cuts in.

Of course he had. She’d guessed as much that day, too, between bouts of heaving into a plastic bag in the front seat of their rental car. 

The way he treated her extra carefully, taking turns slower, making a point to turn on the blinker with every lane change on the highway, stopping at a gas station for some ginger ale… She had allowed it all, too—the special treatment—because what if she was? She couldn’t risk it until she knew for sure. If that was her only chance…

Her lower lip trembles and she ducks her head. "I tried to keep my expectations low, but..."

His finger lands on her chin, tipping her gaze back up to face his.

"It would have been pretty cool, huh?” he says, offering her a small smile for comfort. “Can you imagine telling Skinner out of nowhere that we combined our DNA in a petri dish? I think the vein in his head might have actually burst.” He laughs, and is graced with the smallest of smirks for his efforts.

"I'd have these dreams,” she continues. “What our baby might look like, what personality they'd have. Whether they'd… be more like me or like you."

His lips. Her hair. His passion. Her scientific mind.

"Well, hopefully you,” Mulder speaks, smiling at the thought. “I think you've got your hands full already with one of me. There are many who would say you were crazy even to ask me in the first place."

She looks up at him with her head tilted, her eyes softening.

"I knew what I was doing."

She can tell by the way he brushes off the compliment that he doesn’t believe her, so she doubles down.

"I'm serious, Mulder. You're brilliant, imaginative, bold, caring... I wouldn't have chosen you if I didn't want my child to share those same qualities."

She loves Mulder. She loves every infuriating little thing about him. She'd have been lucky to have a son or daughter with his kind, gentle personality, his determination to keep fighting when everything in his life is telling him he can't win. Teena Mulder didn't know what she had, with Fox Mulder as a son. He should have been loved, cared for, nurtured, supported all his life. Instead, Scully has the sense that the first and only person he has trusted to give him all that is her, and that is not a responsibility she takes lightly.

"I pictured this little boy,” he says, his lips curled in a sad smile as he speaks. “Dark sandy blond hair with just a hint of your red. Blue eyes just like yours. Jeans absolutely filthy with dirt and grass stains on the knees."

She closes her eyes, allowing the picture to form in her mind. She smiles, but it's pained. Such a beautiful thought, never to be.

"How can I miss someone so much that I don't even know?” she asks, the hurt audible in her voice. “Someone that never existed?"

Mulder presses his lips tightly together in thought, his eyes trailing over the room. 

"They say that grief is the love we have that has nowhere to go, because that person has left us,” he starts, his voice reverent and pensive. “They never talk about how to love a person we never had in the first place, or a dream that’s just out of reach. But still, I think that love feels just as real as any other kind.”

He has a way with words, her Mulder. It has been the bane of their assistant director’s existence on numerous occasions, when such existential ponderings found their way into his reports.

But now… Well, it's just another thing she loves about him. She wonders if he's allowed himself to grieve for Samantha, or if his belief that she's still out there somewhere makes him fall into that second category.

"I just wish I hadn't put us both through that,” she says. “That I dragged you into it..."

"I'm glad you did,” he’s quick to assure. “Scully, that day you asked me was one of the happiest days of my life. The future is such a messy, terrifying thing, sometimes. You showed me that it doesn't have to be that way. That there can be hope. I'd forgotten what that felt like."

She's silent, unsure of what to say in response to that. He has all the right words, and suddenly, she has none of them.

"I don't regret it for one moment, Scully. We gave it a try."

She purses her lips, forcing back tears that are threatening to spill. "I don't think I could have done it without you," she says, shaking her head. 

"Well, obviously,” he says, the corner of his mouth quirked up in a cheeky smile.

She gives him a look. "Mulder…"

"I know, I know,” he says, turning serious again. “I'm honored that you let me be a part of it." 

That she would have let him be a part of so much more. A family. Everything, if he had wanted it.

"Well, listen,” he continues, “we ace this interview tomorrow, and we're back on track. Plenty of kids out there that need a home, right? Someone's bound to pick us."

His optimism emboldens her. "I hope so."

"We got this, Scully. They're gonna take one look at you and know for certain that you're meant to be a mother."

She distracts herself from his sweet-sounding words by focusing her attention on his loosened necktie, smoothing it down with one hand. "I'm picking out your tie,” she declares. “No alien decals or wild shapes and colors."

"I think it shows personality," he says in mock defense.

She can’t help the fond smile she flashes at him, glancing up into his eyes. "Not tomorrow, it doesn't."

-.-.-

The agency they ended up going with is out in Annapolis, so on the day of their interview, they drive out together, mostly in silence. Scully fidgets with the folder full of information and other documents they might need, picking at the corner of it while she goes over the important points in her head.

Mulder holds the door open for her when they arrive at the building, and she double checks that her ring is in place on her finger before approaching the front desk to check in. They’re instructed to take a seat in the small waiting area, and Mulder follows and sits down beside her. On the coffee table in front of them are a stack of brochures, the same one she found on Mulder’s desk what feels like forever ago. That had been the catalyst for this entire affair, and now look where they are.

She never could have imagined it.

A few minutes later, a plump older woman appears from behind a door, smiling at them warmly. 

“Alright, Mr. and Mrs. Mulder?” she says, checking her clipboard.

Scully stands, followed by Mulder. “I, uh– I go by my maiden name. Scully,” she corrects.

“My apologies, Ms. Scully,” the woman says, leading them into her office and taking a seat behind a wooden desk. 

They sit down in a pair of chairs opposite her, taking in their surroundings. There are dozens of thank you cards lined up on the windowsill behind the woman’s desk, presumably from families who have benefitted from the services offered here. It fills her with a cautious hope, though does nothing to quell the restless feeling that has plagued her since she woke up this morning. Mulder has kept his cool, so far, and she wonders how he does it.

“My name's Brenda Koske,” the woman continues, introducing herself. “I’ll be your case manager throughout this process. Should we just get right into it, then?”

They nod, unable to do any more than that at the moment.

“Okay, then,” Brenda says with a beaming smile, opening up a file folder on her desk. “So, tell me about yourselves, what made you look into adoption?”

"Well," Scully says, looking at Mulder for approval. "I– We found out a few years ago that I am unable to have children. We tried in vitro fertilization last year, but... it wasn't successful."

The woman at the desk nods and jots some information down in a notebook. Scully suspects their story, so far, is a familiar one. 

"And how long have you been together?"

Scully's mouth drops open, but she isn't sure what she'll say. Before she has a chance to stammer something out, Mulder answers, "A little over seven years, now." He’s confident. Sure of his answer, despite it being a lie, or at least an egregious stretching of the truth. 

The case manager writes down some more.

"And I see here that Ms. Scully has petitioned for the adoption of a child before. Emily Sim?" she states, checking her notes.

Scully tenses, and Mulder puts a calming hand on her knee.

"It's a long story," he says, answering for her, "but Emily unfortunately passed away from her chronic illness before the adoption proceedings could get very far."

Brenda nods. "I understand that this is a difficult subject, Mr. Mulder, I'm just trying to get all the information I need. From what I see here, this child was the biological child of Ms. Scully. I'm afraid I need more of an explanation."

She knows Ms. Koske doesn’t mean any harm by asking these questions—after all, they’d prepared for them last night. But it’s still hard to hear them come up.

Thankfully, Mulder was paying attention and is more than willing to take the lead.

"My wife was treated for her infertility by a doctor we couldn't trust,” he explains. She still finds it odd to hear him refer to her in that way, but it makes sense that he does it now. He can’t very well call her ‘Scully’ in front of the woman they’re trying to convince to give them a child. 

Now comes the next part of their explanation. 

“Her ova were stolen and used without her knowledge or consent, and Emily was a result of that. It was complete happenstance that we even discovered what happened."

"I'm very sorry you went through that, Ms. Scully," the woman says, looking genuinely sorry for her. "Quite a world we live in."

You have no idea , Scully thinks, and nods in recognition of Ms. Koske’s expression of sorrow.

"And you're married?" she asks next, her pen hovering over a checkbox on the form in their file.

"Yes, just recently,” Scully answers. The box gets checked.

"Congratulations! Why the long wait, if I may ask?" Brenda says.

“I ask myself that every time I look at her,” Mulder says while leveling her with his adoring gaze. He’s dialing up the married man act, which he is definitely within his rights to do, but it still catches her off guard. She hopes he doesn’t overdo it, risking tipping off their case manager.

"It, um– It never really seemed like something necessary for us to do," Scully answers, ignoring his sickly sweet comment and hiding her blush.

Mulder turns back to Brenda and adds, "But we figured, if adoption works out..."

"We'd like to make it as simple and straightforward as possible," Scully finishes.

"It certainly will help," the agent says, nodding as she jots down another note. "Where would the child be living?"

"I– We have an apartment in Georgetown.” Scully’s heart flutters anxiously at the close call, thankful she was able to correct herself before misspeaking.

"An apartment," the woman says as she adds that to her notes. It's impossible to tell if she means it in a good or bad way, and Scully can’t make out her handwriting enough to tell.

"I have money set aside from my father's estate," Mulder cuts in, causing Scully to look at him in confusion. "We'd eventually like to buy a house, if this works out." This wasn’t something they’d talked about in any of their previous discussions, nor has he ever mentioned it before, so she doesn’t know where it’s coming from. When she catches his eye, he gives her a subtle shrug.

They’ll have to talk about this later.

"I'll put down the Georgetown address for now," Brenda says, smiling encouragingly at them. "Just a couple more questions for now, you guys are doing great." Scully exhales in relief, her shoulders relaxing just a little. "I have to ask about your work. Your medical history tells me that your jobs put you in some pretty dangerous situations. What are your plans should a child be placed into your care?"

Mulder nods and squeezes Scully's hand, encouraging her. They'd planned for this, too.

"I plan to take a step back,” she answers, “I've spoken with our boss, and he's assured me that I could return to a teaching position at Quantico while serving part time in my current department as a consultant."

"Mr. Mulder?" Brenda says, turning to him next.

"I will be doing the same."

Scully looks at him incredulously, which the woman thankfully misses. 

"It's time for us to settle down,” he continues, avoiding her questioning stare. “I think we've accomplished most of what we set out to do with our work, and we can't keep doing it forever, especially if we want to start a family. I've talked to our director about seeking out replacements for the both of us. Someone else will take over the department, while we lend our expertise as needed to the new agents."

This is the first she’s hearing about this too, but she wisely keeps her mouth shut, letting him say whatever he needs to say. Starting an argument about this now would not tip things in their favor. 

But he can’t be serious about giving up the X-Files, can he? It hadn’t even crossed her mind to ask. Arguably the main reason he started the unit was to look into the disappearance of his sister, and that case remains unsolved. Would he just walk away? Would he resent her for it eventually, if he did? 

"I'm glad to hear you're making strides in that direction,” Brenda comments, a pleased smile gracing her lips. “I was afraid we wouldn't be able to consider your application on account of your chosen field of work, but it sounds like you’re serious about starting a family.”

She writes some more and it falls silent. Mulder wraps his other hand around Scully's, bringing comfort and reassurance to them both.

"Last thing—and I'm sorry to keep bringing up difficult topics—” Brenda starts again. “Ms. Scully, you were diagnosed with cancer three years ago. Is there any chance it could return? You understand why I have to ask, don't you?"

"Yes– I understand,” Scully nods, swallowing nervously. “Um, no, I've been told there's little reason to think it will ever come back. I've been in remission over two years now."

Brenda nods and makes a final note, her pen leaving the paper with a flourish. "That's great, I'm so happy to hear that." She closes her notebook and file and smiles. "Well, you two, it sure sounds like you're overdue for a happy ending. Hopefully we can do something about that." 

She shakes each of their hands in turn, standing up from the desk to escort them out. 

"It was a pleasure to meet you, we'll be in touch as soon as your application is approved, and then we'll start looking for potential matches."

"Thank you very much, Ms. Koske," Mulder says, the perfect picture of a responsible adult worthy of becoming a parent.

Scully mumbles her own "Thank you," too overwhelmed to manage more words than that.

Mulder places a hand on her back and leads her out of the office and into the hall, standing closer to her than he usually does when they walk this way. His neck bends so he can see her face, and he whispers, "You hear that, Scully? She said when our application gets approved!"

Scully shakes her head, not wanting to get ahead of herself quite yet. 

"She said 'as soon as', not when,” she corrects.

"Same thing,” he argues. “Come on, that went well, don't you think?"

"I hope so," she says.

His stride is confident and energetic. "It did, trust me. We had all the right answers."

"I was so nervous. I knew she would ask about my cancer," she states, shaking her head in disappointment.

"She was just being thorough,” Mulder assures her. “Cheer up, Scully, the part we had to worry about is over! I'm taking you to lunch."

"Mulder, we really should just get back to work—” Scully tries. She’s supposed to be the responsible one, after all. Reining him in. Wasn’t that why she complemented him so well?

"We're celebrating. One step closer to being parents, right Scully?"

It’s time she admits it to herself: she failed at reining him in years ago.

Now, she just goes with the flow. The best surprises are around the corner when she does so. 

She hopes that this time is no different.

~~~

Lovely tag list ♡: [if you would like to be added or removed, let me know!]

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[carefulfears]

let's chat about mulder and names <3 (and bear with me because i'm not feeling great today)

"who'd you tick off to get stuck with this detail, scully?"

following only "no one down here but the FBI's most unwanted," and "isn't it nice to suddenly be so highly regarded," his third wise-crack is the first to address his new partner by name; effectively endowing dana with new identity as soon as she crosses the basement office threshold.

one of the few things that i get a kick out of in season nine, is how everyone has a first name again, after mulder leaves.

characters that we have known for years as "scully," "skinner," "doggett," and "reyes" become "dana," "walter," "john," and "monica."

it means something else, in this particular group, in this particular absence.

when scully's father passes away, mulder addresses her by name for the first time (visibly throwing her off as she clocks the difference, chuckling and repeating it back) to check on her personally, before suggesting that she take some time away from work.

and this continues to be the line drawn throughout season one, a way that he signals a personal connection apart from the professional; notably here in lazarus, when concerned for her safety ("this one is important to me")

carrying over to his next partner, he also utilizes this timing to establish connection with krycek, when they were working together.

(i believe that krycek is the only character other than scully that we hear mulder call their first name? do with that what you will!)

and seven years later, to reference and recall that connection, in the end.

after nearly a year together, always the learner, scully attempts to reciprocate this method; addressing him by his own first name, when she has something personal that she wants to communicate.

when she's cut off, and he interrupts with a laugh and shake of his head.

he tells her, "i even made my parents call me mulder," which is not true- but as discussed here- isn't a ploy for distance either. rather, it's more to say, "this is what i prefer from those close to me."

his parents, diana, senator matheson, CSM at times, all call him "fox." everyone in his personal life (aside from TLG) calls him "fox," regardless of if he's asked them not to in the past.

for some, it's a power play. for others, an insult. some just don't care.

my favorite thing about this scene in tooms with scully, is that she doesn't pause. she doesn't reconsider, or redirect. she doesn’t address it. she doesn't look away. she attempted to establish intimacy in one way, and was communicated with, and she takes it in strides.

it's barely a breath before she says exactly what she had planned on saying, adjusted only slightly to accommodate: "mulder, i wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you."

our first introduction to another scully girl, a comatose dana tells her sister through astral planes to say "mulder."

i love this about missy, that she holds crystals over her sister's body and listens. she instantly corrects herself the next time she sees mulder, offering that respect her sister had demanded.

and the first time we hear scully speak after her abduction is to correct her mother, before even opening her eyes.

this is part of their secret language, these identities that they have. the name that he gave her, and the one that she never questions. she takes him exactly as he offers.

diana says "fox" like she has something to prove, scully says "mulder" like it's an endearment. her secret treasure that only she understands.

after all, scully has heard this story: the only thing that stays the same each time mulder recalls samantha's abduction, is his memory of her screaming for him.

"fox" is the last thing that he ever heard his sister say, and it remains hers only. the only exception being the lost children that he tries to save, for her, whom he always introduces himself to by first name.

after a while, that intimacy trick from the beginning becomes moot, as the professional becomes the personal. the work becomes life, and dana becomes scully.

she might be “dana” to everyone outside of that office, but does it compare?

and he only employs it one more time between season 1 and season 9, in the field where i died, an episode all about connection and interpersonal fate.

a whisper, a question: dana, if we had known each other always, in every life, would it have changed things?

she gives him his answer: no. she wouldn’t change a day. and she remains “scully.”

(look at my baby daddy dawg i'm going on the run from the law)

until season 9 brings change, and they are so removed from that office that it would be unrecognizable.

and she’s “dana” over and over. she’s “dearest dana.” she’s his “son’s mother.”

and 25 years after that car outside tooms' house, we hear scully use his first name for the second time. barely above a whisper, it's a personal confession; he's her secret-keeper, he's her accomplice, (he's her son's father).

[autistic-crypt1d]

X-Files Live Blogging:

Season 1

Ok so I'm like 90% sure I've tried to watch the first episode before and bailed but I'm gonna try again. I see so much stuff about this show on here and I wanna be a part of it so you're gonna join me in experiencing it for the first time!

Updates:

- ok so far this is not at all what I remembered so high hopes

- Scully!!

- I've seen these two in so many drawingssss

- man this show is old old

- they're both so pretty

- why is bro so mad, if he's so confident he didn't miss anything why is he mad they're taking a second look? Not a good look my guy

- OOP

- oh wowie that is grossss

- ok this is cool I like this show

- why is it always POURING in old ass shows. Like it's dumping BUCKETS.

- ah man not a damn shower scene

- oh ok, valid reason

- THEY'RE SO CUTE

- THE HUG

- ooooo backstory timeeee

- this is getting good oh wow

- yikes, Scully don't call people vegetables

- I really hope this show doesn't have tooo much yikes stuff. I know it's old but still some shows are a bajillion times worse than others.

- holy shit that subconscious movement towards her???? AHHHHH

- the produce section???? Good fucking god people

- if he knew it was Billy why wouldn't he cuff him to the bed or have him in a secure room or some shit???

- wtf just happened

- alright wtf is up with tall lanky man he's weirding me out

- yoooo they have more of those implant things!!

- ok I still don't understand some things about the case. Why were all the other kids killed when Billy brought them to the woods but not the last girl? Why was she spared and both her and Billy's marks removed?

- Deep Throat, hate that title omfg

- pffft those MIP outfits look ridiculous, and so are their momements omfg

- long ass intro geez

- pffft the way Mulder just drags her out of the car

- that little smile!!!

- it's so weird seeing seatbelts attached to car doors

- is that Colonel Makepeace from Stargate???

- Mulderrrr don't go without Scully you dumb dumb!!

- please don't step on a landmine

- oh shit alien ship

- see this is why you need Scully, who's gonna verify what you saw now

- ah yes, run along the road where the cars can follow you, definitely not back into the grass where it would be difficult to follow

- Scully is gonna kick your asses for kidnapping him

- OH SHIT

- GET HIS ASS SCULLY

- HERE SHE COMES, PREPARE TO BE WHOOPED

- aw Mulder :(

- she's trying so hard to protect him

- damn I really like this show

- Squeeze

- oh wow hate that, creepy eyeballs in a sewer

- I recognize that business guy, he's been in another show I've watched, Psych maybe?

- not the ketchup blood XD

- sorry I gotta skip the into, that shit is so long

- that's where the "spooky? Do you think I'm spooky?" audio came from?????

- boy howdy vent guy is creepy

- the necklace grab??? HELLO????

- YEEESH those damn eyes dude

- oh boy he stretchin

- YOU TELL HIM DANA

- woah they just mentioned 2023 as the distant future that's wild to hear in 2024 haha

- that brown pantsuit Scully is wearing??? WOW

- hey now, don't be grabbing Scully you slithery fuck

- Colton you suck

- DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT SLITHERY BASTARD

- LEAVE THE HOUSE SCULLY WHAT'RE YOU DOING

- nice work team

- aww the retired guy finally got closure 😭

- THE SOFT ARM TOUCH

- uhhhhh idk that that cell is good enough y'all

- I don't like that grin he's got, he's gonna escape isn't he

- Conduit

- sleeping outside with no tent??? Girl what about snakes and ants and things???

- she put her children out there while she slept in there camper??? Wtf???

- THE LEAN INNNN

- man that lake is gorgeous

- did the sherriff really just scratch his damn chin with evidence

- intense Mulder, oof!

- wooooaaaah that code page thing of Ruby is so cool

- ahhhh I love Mulder lore

- that tackleeee, nice moves Mulder

- why is she doing CPR if she's just unconscious??

- AHHHH dude the way Mulder gently directs Scully with a soft touch, BRO

- I can't get over the fact that his first name is Fox

- Dana has looked fantastic in literally every outfit so far, she's so cool

- geez y'all the tape is so sad wtf

- "I want to believe" OW OW OW OW OW

- Jersey Devil

- oh wow I haven't heard Bingo in a long ass time

- is that Bill Lee from Stargate??

- oop, Bill Lee hath been taken

- y'all, the way these two look at eachother??? And how close they get?? CONSTANTLY?? BRUH

- aha! She thinks he's cute!

- oh hey it's that asshole scientist from Eureka

- I recognize the guy who plays the homeless man helping Mulder but idk where from

- Mulder. Mulder please why do you always do these things alone

- I'm sorry I cannot take you seriously handing that guy that goofy ass drawing

- good god dude it's a first date why are you talking about her meeting your kids

- not the bigfoot with tits picture 😂

- ya know, I really appreciate the ranger being on their side in this

- ah it's those damn MIP guys again

- Anthropologist dude rules for not selling them out

- damn he really just leapt out that window

- oh she did too damn!

- run!!

- OOP

- so they're just cannibals? Nothing supernatural?

- THE GRAB AS SHE LAYS HIM BACK OMFG

- oh boy it's gettin wild now!

- that poor actress having to climb all over rocks while naked

- aw man :(

- I would've expected long nails considering she's been clawing into people

- the red plaid suit??? Hello??? GORGEOUS

- why would that Rob dude ask her to get her friend's kid to go hang out with him and his kid???? Bro is weird

- uhhhh that's the dude from the beginning, didn't his leg get chewed off my the male?? I'm confused because that was most definitely the guy from the beginning.

- Shadows

- the woman packing up the office looks really familiar too

- ooo, ghost??

- there's no ads on this episode, weird

- eew I do noooooot like the twitching

- why tf are they all blank facing them

- the way he leans in to speak to her heeeeeellllpppp

- ok so the woman who got attacked is alive

- AHHHHHHH CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY

- hell yeah ghost, stop that creepy perv!!

- did Mulder just look at her ass when she sat down?? He did a whole ass lean and everything!

- awww Mulder wanting to go to the liberty bell with Scully 😭

- Ghost in the Machine

- Brad dude is from Eureka!! Funnily enough the company is called Eurisko, really close

- Mulder. Buddy. You did not just call and elevator politically correct for being accessible to the visually impaired. That's just accessibility, nothing political about that (or at least there shouldn't be).

- Lamana, you suck

- yeah Mulder you tell him!!

- noooo don't back down :(

- is that Harrison Well's house from The Flash???? Am I imagining this??

- oh my god no I just googled images of it, that's the same house!!!

- uh oh, he's gonna die isn't he

- ah crap Mulder thinks Brian did it doesn't he

- he doesn't!!! Phew

- GEKDJDJS I THOUGHT THAT WAS GONNA BE SO MUCH WORSE OMFG

- secret agents Scully and Mulder let's goooo

- uh oh

- why tf is there debris in the vent system. Whose receipts are those???

- OH NO

- MULDER DO SOMETHING

- BRUH

- LET'S GO SCULLY

- biiiiiiiitch nooooooooo

- Ice

- why does bro have 2 identical boob cuts, 1 on each. They also look very unrealistic.

- what in the fresh hell is happening

- the duo is goin to Alaska!

- there's some funky virus in the ice isn't there. Reminds me of that one Eureka episode

- GET HIM SCULLY

- he is so not gonna be ok

- EEW

- oh yeah he dead

- nooooo sports guy 😭

- man I hate Scully and Mulder being on opposing sides :(

- AHHHHH NOOOOOO

- this isn't gonna be the end of it is it

- this show really doesn't do closure closure does it, every episode is just like, welp it could 1000% come back

- Space

- ooooo spaceeeee

- I recognize the ex astronaut security guy from something

- MAYBOURNE??? YUCK. Hopefully he's not a jackass in this show

- again with the damn buckets of water on the windshield

- wtf was that????

- aaaaand it's magically not raining anymore. It's not even wet!!!!

- yeeesh him looking in the mirror like that was so creepy

- oh what in the fresh hell is happening to his face

- y'all this is intense!!!

- HELL YEAH

- I don't really understand why the space thing wanted to kill the astronauts

- Fallen Angel

- Mulder in a leather jacket???

- Mulder hiding under a truck and sneaking around a military base like a secret agent while wearing a leather jacket???

- see this is what happens when you go investigating without Scully

- I'm sorry I cannot take Mulder seriously as mr tough guy, he's just so baby

- ah here comes Scully to rescue his ass

- uhhhh is that an invisibility thing

- ow I hate those flashing lights

- ok immune to laser fence thing

- "it won't get away" already did my guy

- or maybe it didn't?

- the face that soldier Jackson is making is rage inducing, please stop

- welp, the entity made my wish come true I guess

- Mulder is so sweet 😭

- y'all the lenses they're using as the pov for the entity is making me sick

- Scully is so sick of this shit XD

- wtf is it doing to him??

- seems like a lot of trouble to go through just to take one human, I wonder why they're doing it

- I wish we got more insight into Scully's thoughts through all this. She's been seeing a loooot of stuff since she got paired with Mulder and given her skepticism, I'd just really like to know what's going through her head in all this.

- Eve

- ooooo, vampire??

- CLONES???

- well, I'm a little confused as to why they're killing them by draining their blood still

- ah ok so the little girls DID do it

- why tf would she try again knowing what the other Eves were like. Why are people obsessed with making perfect humans, what's the point of life if not to learn and grow?

- man they are playing them like a damn fiddle!!

- uh oh

- WHY WOULD YOU LICK IT

- hey now, that better not be who I think it is

- god damn it, it is

- yeesh what an episode

- this show is nothing but cliff hangers wtf!!!

- Fire

- OH

- who tf is that and why is she smooching Mulder

- yes she does hate you, your smooching her weirdo

- where tf do I know her from?

- is that Crowley????

- I couldn't tell with the facial hair before I thought he just looked similar, but without it yeah!

- ahhhhhh I don't like these zoom inssss

- ah yes smoke a cigarette when you have a cough, that'll help

- interesting

- you tell him Michael!!!

- seriously? They can't drive themselves even once??

- I REMEMBER WHERE I KNOW HER FROM. She played the woman that chief Vick set Henry Spencer up with in Psych!!

- BRUH, DO NOT HOOK UP WITH HER

- Scully came anyway 😭

- maybe if y'all weren't MAKING OUT AT WORK, you would've noticed!!!

- you got this Mulder come on

- come on Mulder!!!!

- damn it dude

- so she's been hitting on Mulder the entire time while having an affair with the husband???

- man this guy really gets typecasted huh, first this pyrokinetic serial killer, then the king of hell!

- yes Mulder!! Face your fears!!!

- welp, looks like his cockiness killed him. Do we finally get an actual ending???

- nope he's alive, great

- a hyperbaric chamber?? You mean the thing filled with a fuck ton of oxygen??? So smart, definitely not INCREDIBLY FLAMMABLE.

- Beyond the Sea

- GENERAL HAMMOND????

- Scully's dad is General fuckin Hammond????

- he died :(

- THE FACE TOUCH

- oh shit, is the death of her father gonna be the thing that gets her to believe?

- "he was your father" that really does not answer her question

- I feel like I recognize Boggs from somewhere

- how tf is a prisoner allowed to have earrings. Also, he only had 1 in the first couple shots but now he has 2.

- now he has 1 again? Maybe they just had that one shot flipped so it looked like the other ear

- OOOO MULDER YOU SLY DOG

- OH FUCK

- Scully please don't go in there alooooone what is with these two!!!

- OH FUUUUCK

- dude the guy playing Boggs can fucking ACT like DAMN

- BERNIE, the dude that plays Boggs also played Bernie in Psych!!!

- HELL YEAH SCULLY

- it's so compelling to see what Mulders limits are in his belief, that he can blind himself to things he would ordinarily fight for others to see because of his history with the person

- she didn't go??

- he's trying to convince her to believe now? He's been denying it the whole episode!!!

- weird episode

- Genderbender

- uhhh I'm a bit scared of what this is gonna be about by that title, fingers crossed it's not transphobic shit and just a shapeshifter 🤞

- ok so yes a shapeshifter, and like, a succubus?

- uh oh

- so I'm guessing these people adopted this way of life to prevent hurting people? And this other one that's killing people has gone rogue?

- ah yes Mulder, crumple the map up instead of trying to find a land mark and reorient yourself

- what in the fresh hell

- AHHHHH I HATE THE GOOPY STUFF

- NO NO NO YOU LEAVE SCULLY ALONE

- YOU BASTARD HOW COULD YOU SHE WAS NICE TO YOU

- ok so they each have a male and female form?

- hope that damn farm boy perishes painfully for trying to do that shit

- ah yep, there's the transphobic comment ok.

- SHOOT HIS ASS

- damn it

- rapist aliens, hate it. I'll be skipping this one if I rewatch the series in the future

- Lazarus

- yeesh, I wonder if Scully will end up believing that the guy who came back isn't him anymore

- man they really fell into that pink blood trap from old shows didn't they

- idk how she could deny that that isn't him after this

- damn, that was dark

- Mulder not lushing her to believe either way ahhhhh ouchyyy

- Young at Heart

- uhhhh, what is a prisoner doing roaming around

- UHHHHH WTF

- y'all, Scully is so little 😭 I know Mulder is like super tall but even compared to other women she's little, much less when standing in a room of Mulder height people XD

- oof more Mulder lore, man cannot catch a break

- damn, seeing old fashioned hand writing analysis be done is so cool, even in NCIS, a fairly old crime show, they still use tech for it. Hearing her talk about the markers and indicators is so so neat

- BITCH YOU BETTER NOT HURT SCULLY

- I recognize Dr. Ridley from something...

- it's the time loop guy from Stargate SG-1!!!

- the way young Barnette speaks is rage inducing

- E.B.E.

- oh wow that's quite a ship

- what's with the blue light thing?

- "Mulder you're the only one I trust" BROOOOOOO

- oh hey it's the woman who plays the tech on the Daedalus in Stargate who works with Hermiod!!

- HIS CODENAME IS DEEP THROAT????

- LET HIM LOOK ANYWAYYYY

- of course it's gone

- Miracle Man

- ah man a religious episode

- who tf subjects a child to that

- ughhhhhh

- yeah that's not creepy at all!!!

- gross gross gross I hate it

- the burned guy is the problem right? He's like channeling the boy and taking the lives of those that die? And maybe he's super against the autopsies because "desecrating" the body will undo it or something? Idk I'm guessing here cuz I'm confused

- oh shit Scully is doing the autopsy? Intense, aw man and Mulder is trying his best to be there

- oh ok so that's not what's happening

- uh oh

- ok it was the burned guy I was right!! He just wasn't doing it supernaturally

- oh wow

- Shapes

- oooo cryptid??

- ok so if you get scratched you get infected. It went from Joe to Lyle

- I wonder what triggers a new one once it's killed, cuz there was a distance between the killings in the past

- oh, so it's dormant until a night after the person gets too blood lusty?

- damn it, why is Scully always being left alone with the monsters or bad guys and Mulder is always chasing them alone

- how is she not hearing the loud ass growling sounds

- also, why is there a random ass cougar in a cage

- "something" jumped you?? Really Scully?? There was only one thing in that bathroom

- Darkness Falls

- wow those woods are gorgeous

- I'm very intrigued

- wtf was that shit

- oh my god Scully in that neon coat 😭 she's pretty in everything!!!

- I recognize the sherriff from somewhere

- Castle! He's in Castle

- oh boy, that creepy

- I recognize the Doug guy too

- holy crap it's THAT guy! Man he's like big time now

- ah so they got themselves killed by chopping down an ancient tree, karma

- Steve is the worst, hope he gets taken by bugs

- oh yeah he's done for

- OH HELL

- Tooms

- not the lizard bitch again

- AUGH THE EYESSSS

- who tf left his slot open!! Fools!!!

- Colonel Caldwell?!?!?

- do not release this mf

- Mulder, I hate to say it but that was never gonna fly

- welp, someone is gonna die now

- THAT MUCH SLURPING AND LICKING WAS SO UNNECESSARY AHHHHH

- nice work sheriff, nice work

- OH HELL NO

- bro is not about to come out of a toilet come on

- ok he didn't but he is disgusting anyway

- "Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anyone but you" BROOOOO "if there's an ice tea in that bag, could be love" "must be fate, Mulder. Root beer" THEY'RE SO IN LOVE OMFG

- black car, red interior, so cool

- Mulder's turn to be attacked by lizard guy

- wtf is he doing

- oh

- YEESH

- OH

- oh that is gross, but hey he's finally dead

- Born Again

- psychic kid?

- ok so dead guy is involved? Girl is a medium then? Like ghost whisperer?

- I recognize the Tony guy from something

- oh shit they murdered that dude

- I looked him up, he's been in a lot of stuff I've seen apparently, NCIS, Supernatural, Psych, SG-1, and I haven't seen Law and Order really but I think I recognize him from trailers and stuff

- maybe the girl witnessed the first dude's murder or was nearby? And she could see his spirit or something? Or maybe he just latched onto her?

- oh reincarnation, that makes more sense

- bro really helped murder his partner and then got with his wife

- wtf is that

- honestly this episode is really uninteresting to me

- interesting we got a report by Mulder instead of Scully at the end though

- Roland

- well fuck you ableist scientist dude

- he killed the not mean one :(

- I recognize Roland from something, probably Stargate

- alright well the era is showing here. They're talking about Autistic people like they're inherently stupid, that savants are human calculators who can't even understand what they're doing. I hope everyone who reads this and has or plans to watch this show understands that that is severely false. Autism is a spectrum and being autistic doesn't make you stupid, "unusual" speech and movement aren't indicative of intelligence. And having high support needs isn't indicative of intelligence either!

- poor guy, he doesn't wanna hurt anyone :(

- good riddance Arthur, some brother, taking him over and making him murder people

- He gave her his stars 😭 guysssss

- Erlenmeyer Flask

- wow that is quite a title

- the chase scene and the dude being semi invisible reminds me so much of the Replicator on Earth episode from SGA

- some sort of superhuman project maybe?

- god DAMN Mulder leapt that fence like it was nothing!!

- oooooo Scully is reaching the point of belief!!!!

- yeah a sort of superhuman project! Alien human hybrids

- oh shit they killed the doctor who helped them :(

- ah yes Mulder, go into the darm attic without a flashlight

- OOP

- oh god his face, poor Mulder 😭

- help him Scullyyyyy

- CONFIDENCE SCULLY, CONFIDENCE

- Dana, responsible, rule following, FBI agent Scully breaking a billion laws all for Fox Spooky Mulder

- how tf did she sneak that out of there

- are they gonna shoot him

- YEP

- Scully is never gonna be the same after this, at least she got Mulder back though

- you can't seperate the duo!!!! No!!!

Holy crap Season one was amazing, I'm gonna start season 2 immediately and I'll link it here once it's posted!

Season 2

[deathsbestgirl]

My jet lagged braincell is reaching for something irresistible/redux ii linked. Probably my two favourite episodes. Do you see it?

i think i have thoughts!!

as i'm rewatching irresistible, i keep thinking of elegy and the way scully tries to handle everything on her own, the visions she has (seeing herself in the dead women, seeing the dead woman before they get the call). which obviously also reminds me of christmas carol/emily, all souls & orison. christmas carol/emily scully is getting phone calls from melissa and only calls mulder once she learns emily is biological daughter. in the end, she asks mulder for time alone with emily and she stands alone at her casket, with mulder waiting behind her. in all souls, she's working a case as a favor and initially only asks him for help finding the girls in danger. he stays on when he becomes worried about her. and the whole time, she's seeing emily. it starts & ends with scully at confession. and in orison, she's hearing that song. which she heard when her sunday school teacher was murdered, and it's that song that gets mulder to her apartment in time. scully leaned on mulder more in orison than she did in the others. in irresistible, she's trying very hard to be okay with the case. she peppers mulder with questions but handles her emotions about it on her own, as mulder tries to tell her it's okay to have a hard time. he lets her know he's there and she can take a step back, and she goes back to d.c. and meets with karen kosseff, afterwards ready to come back and help people. but in the end, it's her that needs help, she fights hard against donnie pfaster, and in the end she falls into mulder's arms. the consistency of mulder trying to support her and respect her boundaries, worrying when she believes or sees signs is consistent throughout the series. and every time, she lets him to an extent and he gives whatever she accepts. it also reminds me of patient x/the red and the black, maybe one father/two sons but that one is more of a struggle for them and yet, she still calls him when jeffrey spender calls her about cassandra.

i think these are the maybe more obvious connections my mind makes. like they are consistent thoughts i have whenever i watch these episodes, and i'm sure i've talked about it some before.

as i'm watching irresistible, what i think of in reduxes is how mulder tries to be strong for scully & support her. mulder lifts her chin and hugs her at the end, in reduxes, he's holding her hands, kissing her hands cheek forehead. when she turns to her faith, he accepts that. she tells him 'i'll be praying for you' and he jokes 'say a few hail mulder's for me' but so sincerely. i love that when they think she's about to die, her faith is not an issue at all. they'll struggle with it when it comes up a bit longer, but to me, this helps him get to where he is in season seven (all things) and the revival (nothing lasts forever)...and when they eventually work out a lot of their issues through season six lol

there's a very particular vulnerability in all of these episodes, things scully shouldn't handle alone. but because of who she is, she tries. so she goes to therapy, she denies, she closes up but can't hide how she's feeling. especially not from mulder, so she slowly lets him in more & more. even as they struggle, this stays consistent. they're still taking steps forward. she trusts mulder and relies on him, his strength. she relies on the work. (she's a workaholic just like him, especially when it becomes personal and not "just" because she believes in him.)

there's something specific in mulder's tenderness with scully when she's hurting, feeling more vulnerable.

i also keep thinking about 'because i knew you'd talk me out of it if i was making a mistake.' the way they rely on each other, him saying she could change his mind if it was right. she wants him to blame her for the man killed but he won't, and he won't name skinner as the responsible conspirator either.

something about the grace she shows everyone in these horrible situations (mulder, bill, maggie, the victims).

okay. so now i'm watching gethsemane/reduxes and i feel like my brain is on fire!! i'm still not connecting it to irresistible, so i think you need to share your thoughts!

but my mind is connecting it to pine bluff variant and fight the future. the start of redux, where mulder is talking about treason — how he can't let it persist directly connected to scully's confusion & worry in pbv. because mulder would not commit treason.

something about his voice when he tells her the dod agent died from a gsw to the face, that he can't go to the fbi, that someone in the fbi is part of it...reminds me of e.b.e. they create this whole plot to get answers. scully has to lie. they can't communicate this time. the worry & pain & grief (also at the end of gethsemane) is so reminiscent of her abduction, a uselessness & inadequacy that consumes him. but this time they can do something. (similar feeling to the red and the black, when if he could give scully her memories & prove it to her, he would. his determination to stop it from happening to her or anyone else again.)

mulder is always so careful with scully. scully believing her cancer was given to her to make him believe, because of him...he never wants her to be hurt and yet he can't protect her. all of this turns into saving her. (directly to the revival even where he has to be the rational one, support her through her grief & hope.)

redux ii: the thing that makes me crazy is mulder getting to the hospital, making a scene so similar to one breath. (obviously this is my first thought!) he's not as violent until skinner tries to stop him going in to see her. and my god, mulder's face when he sees her lying there. it's almost worse than later in the episode when he sobs silently next to her. it's the way that in one breath, he has no idea what's wrong with her. here he does but he still doesn't know why she's in the icu. he doesn't know that her cancer metastasized.

there's something about the way mulder is fighting so hard for scully that reminds me of lazarus & one breath & irresistible. withdrawn, worried, angry. at a complete loss without her but he does everything he can. lies to the government, breaks into the dod? the pentagon. the affection is next level compared to those. it's the same gentleness & support, but there's hand holding & kisses & caresses. she begs him to let her help him, save him. to not protect her. like scully telling him she was fine all through irresistible (telling him she's back & not going anywhere in firewalker) but she can't tell him that this time. all she can do is beg him not to protect her, to let her give her death meaning, but that wouldn't be something he could live with. tarnishing her name, hurting her family on top of losing her. something here about beyond the sea too. the first time mulder uses her first name, touches her cheek in comfort. gets angry at her for endangering herself. the second time she's shown him inclination to believe, and it scares him this time. because she's vulnerable. the start of physical affection beyond touching her lower back, the hug in the pilot. in season one, tooms, he goes on about her record. later in requiem, he'll talk about family & living and everything she's lost. leaving her behind while he goes back to oregon. (i used to wonder how he convinced her to stay, but i think she couldn't take the risk of leaving him behind again.)

this is worse than colony/end game with samantha. the cruelty. before it was clones, trying to fight their creators and save themselves, hopefully others. ultimately willing to die to protect the original samantha clone. this time, his sister is calling csm her father. and he's trying to expose csm's lies and she flees. dangling his sister this way, with another painful story. "please don't, fox!" fucking CRUEL.

mulder saves scully but he's bearing even more scars from this. this is another reason i don't know if he could have kept going without scully. samantha rejecting him...mulder's vulnerability to csm is almost too much. he could so easily fall for it, like he does with diana in one son. but everything csm tries, only makes him more obstinate. csm has given him nothing and taken everything. mulder is so close to losing the only person he has. the only person he trusts, the only person who trusts him, follows him, loves him.

"maybe they are miracles, but i don't dare call them that." scully's faith is something so special. she's been struggling with it, and turns back to it when she has nothing else. when she has no idea of the chip or treatment will work. and she's talking to her doctor about medicine & miracles. to scully, ultimately, they are the same.

something else that does remind me of irresistible is how hard scully fights too. she tries the chip, she accepts her doctor's treatment, she opens up to her mom and tries to return to her faith. she does everything she can (she always does). scully tries so hard to put up a strong front for mulder, for her family all throughout the series. and like she did in irresistible, it falls away when she just can't do it anymore. she fought donnie pfaster, she got her gun despite her injuries from the crash & falling down the stairs. she crumbles when mulder lifts her chin to look her in the eyes. she crumbles when she feels a miracle is all she has left and she can't turn to mulder in the moment. but she can turn to maggie & religion. she only turns to others when she has no other choice. and ultimately, i think we know it's the chip that saves her. she chose to listen to mulder and tells him "you'll be in my prayers."

i wish i could figure out why exactly "because i knew you'd talk me out of it if i was making a mistake" hits so hard. it's like a preface to fight the future hallway scene.

something about the way mulder doesn't care what happens to him and scully can't do anything and what's more important than his own life is holding someone responsible for what was done to her, without her knowledge or consent and now she's dying. and he gets at least one of them, even if he wasn't at the top. blevins & csm dead. scully in remission and alive. mulder not being prosecuted. this is one of the best endings mulder & scully have. (skinner having not betrayed them and not getting wrongly accused.)

okay i can't keep ruminating on this. please share your thoughts !!!

[gracemarkss]

finished s4 in my txf rewatch so i'm here's my top 10 so far. these are vaguely in order.

10. oubliette (s3ep08). this episode gives us soooo much big brother mulder. his gentle insistence that lucy, despite everything she's been through, is strong and capable and has value - that she can save this girl (and he's right). when scully calls him out on his overidentifying with lucy and he insists not everything he does or feels goes back to samantha...but when lucy dies, you know he's losing sam all over again. he can't save them all, he can't even save most of them, but by god does he try.

9. memento mori (s4ep14). cliche as hell but the fact that it opens with scully's sensual voice over reading her romantic diary entries which are addressed to mulder...insane. both of them facing a terrible reality, deep seated fears - losing her and abandoning him (is dying a betrayal?) the fact that he's ready to make a deal with the devil. the fact that skinner DOES. death vs love, fight!!!!!

8. beyond the sea (s1ep13). gillian is insaaaaane in the episode like how could anyone involved in this show not think she was capable of anything and everything? scully is such a great character in part because of the constant tension that exists between expectation and desire. the things she should want, the things she wants to want, the things she actually wants. she craves her father's approval while chafing against the weight of his expectation. the "i love this job" "you love your father" exchange goes craaaaaazy. and that's not even getting into the role reversal!!!!

7. pusher (s3ep17). another cliche but god does this episode go hard. another spectacular look into mulder's psyche and another situation that highlights the depth of their connection. when he kneels down in front of her and hands her his gun...i wonder how many times mulder walks into a situation and thinks that maybe he'll die. that maybe he wouldn't mind. i wonder how much scully knows that (her fear here makes me think she knows, and it terrifies her.) but all's well that ends well i guess (them holding hands).

6. end game (s2ep17). i just love that the narrative forces mulder to choose between samantha and scully and he tries to rig the game to save both. from "nothing else matters to me" to if anything happens to scully i'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. there's obviously a lot more going on here and i love all of it but that's my main takeaway. oh also dd rules in this ep. his regression back into a lost little boy saying "i'm sorry, dad," bill mulder you are bones.

5. wetwired (s3ep23). another classic "what are you afraid of" episode and this time the answer is "the prophet you are following turns out to be false." trust is their most valuable and sacred currency. the potential loss of that is truly devastating. let's not even get into the fact that mulder thinks scully's gone missing (again) and it's his fault (again) and he has to break this to her mother (again) and let's not talk about the fact that maggie defends mulder to scully and trusts him with her daughter's life despite everything. and let's definitely not ever mention the scene where he goes to id the body.

4. paper hearts (s4ep10). yet another cliche but there's a reason these episodes are well loved and considered among the best. "it's somebody though" just sums up everything you need to know about mulder. he is so deeply hurt and so good despite it all. he really is the best boy. another ep dd is superb in.

3. demons (s4ep23). part of the reason i love this episode is just because i think the premise of mulder drilling a hole in his head and injecting ketamine in it is hilarious. but also profoundly sad. can you tell i have a thing for mulder angst yet? and episodes that highlight how deep and loving his and scully's relationship is, however you interpret it? she's the first one he thinks of to call when he wakes up in a bad situation. she drops everything to be there for him. she won't stop him, she'll just take the keys and drive. what can i carry for you. what can i do. i will not let you go alone. another great example of dd's ability to play mulder at his smallest - when he tells his mother he needs to speak with her with his head down and his voice pitched just a bit higher...i'll jump.

2. ice (s1ep08). truly what needs to be said. i know this is a ripoff of the thing but i've never seen the thing so this is better probably. stuck in a small space, paranoia at the top of the world...also the guy who plays the landlord in new girl is here and i love that. both dd and ga are also both crazy hot in the ep. i think it just rules even as a standalone and is a great way to introduce someone to the series. just fun and sexy and tense.

3 (s2ep07). HE'S WEARING HER NECKLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

honorable mentions: lazarus (s1ep15); darkness falls (s1ep20); little green men (s2ep01); the field where i died (s4ep05); grotesque (s3ep14); terma (s4ep9).

[silenthillmutual]

my buddy @doomednarrative tagged me in a fic writer's ask game so ^_^ let's do this!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

on my current account i have 154. being unemployed and hypomanic during lockdown will do that to you.

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

895,907. i can't tell if that's a normal distribution for my fic count or not.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

at the moment: silent hill, bloodborne, and pathologic. most of what i have up there is for pathologic. i've got other fandoms up there though.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

eight, thirty-one - 1899 kudos (danganronpa)

to quote mika, age 35, of beirut, lebanon: "where have all the good (gay) guys gone?" - 1066 kudos (danganronpa)

(they long to be) close to you - 1021 kudos (mob psycho 100)

all jotaro wants for christmas is kakyoin (and he screws that up) - 810 kudos (jojo's bizarre adventure)

anticlimax - 796 kudos (danganronpa)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i've responded to most comments i've gotten, though it's always months late because i tend to read the e-mail first thing in the morning, head to work, and completely forget to respond. responding feels more personal. i know i'd be more likely to comment on someone's fics if i knew they appreciated it, so i try to make the effort, even if i struggle to know what to say.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

god this is old as hell but probably life in technicolor/the end of all things. they're life is strange style aus for one punch man and genos dies at the end of one of them, and at the end of the other the city is destroyed. the fics are connected, but i won't say how.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

so tired, so tired, my heart and i (pathologic) is probably the sappiest i've ever written a fic so i'm guessing that one!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

occasionally. i got transmisogynist hate for when you finally get inovlved, face to face for writing chihiro as a trans girl, and it made me stop writing for danganronpa altogether. i got a guest user on some burakhovsky nsfw i posted (idr which one) who said "jesus christ, tag your trans shit". and someone who went off on me years ago called vita in motu (pathologic) "borderline mpreg" and they very much meant it derogatorily. so if i seem a lil paranoid about interacting w people there's a reason why lol.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

i do! i actually write more smut than i post because i am not showing everyone my oc/canon smut. like some friends will be able to see it but i'm not brave enough to show the whole world that. also a lot of au smut recently that has no context and i'm not posting it to ao3 without context.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

i did moreso in the past than currently. we're not gonna talk about the craziest one though<3 love and light

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nah. i've had people write fic very inspired by stuff i've written but not copy-and-paste stolen, to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

people have asked but as far as i know it never happened. always thought it would be cool!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes!! w my buddy dj :) also published rps in the past that i shaped up into fics.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

mulder/scully is The Ship Of All Time to me. the blueprint.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh there's a few!!

a rebel without a case rewrite that i started because i wanted to fix what i saw as timing issues in the film.

an akira/mob psycho 100... crossover? au? both? i had some real ideas for that one but it's not going anywhere

a silent hill au for mob psycho 100 that apprently someone was interested in enough to try and make their own while referencing mine. it was an audience participation fic and i'm honestly upset that i lost steam on this one because it was a lot of fun!

a magnus archives statement from artemy burakh. the idea behind that one was that he saw daniil die, and then be replaced by another actor... but artemy's the only one who noticed the different actor.

literally dozens of pathologic fics that i have started like you have no idea just how much i have started for that stupid game.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm not sure! my partner says i do vagueness well, and the unease that comes with that. i think i do decent at introspection in general

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

action for sure. i tend to do better with thought than with action, so i can write really long scenes where absolutely nothing hapens. kind of an issue!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't really do it because i only know like...extremely basic german and i feel it'd be a disservice to other languages to just google translate. i will occasionally describe characters using sign, but again... not knowing it, i don't feel comfortable just saying shit, you know?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i wrote something like fanfic as a like, eight year old? for a book series i can no longer remember. but for first published fanfic it was either bones or soul eater. those fics might still be out there, who knows!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

i don't really have one! i'm still really proud of o tempora, o mores (pathologic), vita in motu (pathologic), and my mind has changed my body's frame (bloodborne) <- less sure of that one bc not much feedback but y'know!

who shall i tag.... @stvlti, @brodyliciousbooty, @loudmound, @go-go-devil, @shogoakuji and anyone else who writes, consider yourself tagged :P !

[bakedbakermom]

tag game

thanks for the tag @thatfragilecapricorn30

Favorite painter: william alphonse bougeureau. (you would instantly recognize a few of his works, like cupid and psyche as chubby babies, or evening mood, or the broken pitcher, even if you never knew his name.) the way he paints skin and light is just. beyond my comprehension. i was lucky enough to see some of his paintings when the musee d'orsay let them tour a bit, and was just absolutely overwhelmed. his "birth of venus" makes me want to cry. the blush, the water, the clouds, the loving and lustful depiction of curvy bodies. i stood beneath one of his larger works (literally floor to ceiling) for a solid 15 minutes just letting it wash over me.

alfonse mucha and john williams waterhouse are fantastic as well. ...is my art degree showing?

Favorite writer: neil gaiman, and not just because i had dinner with him once. (my future mother-in-law REALLY wanted to impress me... spoiler alert: it worked!)

Favorite band: babe i don't play favorites. if it slaps it slaps. my ipod is a mess.

Favorite meal and drink: there's this sandwich called "[name of the girl i'm dating]" from a small chain called ike's that started in sf. it's unbelievable. (apparently he changed it to "the bella" after they got married.) my favorite drink is thai milk tea with boba.

Favorite outfit aesthetic: comfy. most days are leggings with a t-shirt and/or hoodie.

Favorite singer: at the moment, hozier.

Favorite item I own: my x-files barbies

Favorite possession: uh still my x-files barbies??

Favorite perfume: i can't wear scents because i'm too sensitive :(

tagging @storybycorey @msrafterdark @ereh-emanresu-tresni @medicaldoctordana @pookie-mulder @wingsformypillow uhhhhh i'm bad at tagging just do it if you wanna!

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 8 thoughts

tears. in my eyes. shaky breathing. oh. okay.

well. no place to start but the beginning.

stares at my laptop screen for a long, long time before typing. give me a minute. allow to me collect myself.

okay. we start with scully's mom narrating. and we learn, thanks to the subtitles, that her mom's name is margaret. this is information i will also be storing in my useless scully facts book.

so we knew she had two brothers, but a sister is also mentioned, named melissa. and we get this story from her childhood, about how dana- which feels wrong for me to type, but i will- was given a bb gun by her brothers, and she joined in with them shooting a snake. but then she realized it was bleeding and she cried as it bled out in her hands and held it while it died. which is already So much to handle. and her mom is saying that she feels how her daughter felt that day watching the animal die.

the next thing we see is mulder is there, and. he's saying it's still too early to know if she's gone. but. well.

we see a gentleman bring something out. and it is a gravestone with her name carved into it.

he turns away like he was burned from even looking at it. and man. that hurt. very badly.

we see that her middle name is katherine. and we learn this because we see it on her gravestone.

he goes back to his place (where he still sleeps on the couch) but then he gets a phone call that they've found her. and he busts into the door when the nurse says he can't go in there. that's our man!

he's screaming at these poor healthcare workers, somewhat rightfully suspicious they're involved with the government who took her, but also man. they don't get paid enough. however, i understand the emotional explosiveness this had to have provoked. so he is really just screaming, at the nurse, at the doctor, demanding to know what the hell happened, where she came from, and he says "i swear i'll do anything, i'll find out what they did to her" while being escorted out

then there is a very tense conversation between the doctor and her mother and him. the doctor must have already have been in quite a state, because mere minutes ago a raving angry man accused him of stealing his friend, and now he's sitting with said angry man explaining that they genuinely have no idea how she got here, and that she has no indication of injury.

we also learn that she had no desire to remain on life support past a certain point. and mulder knows this because. he. he. he uh. well he signed her will.

now i think maybe that's just something you have to do at the fbi and i can see them making a little joke out of it- a nice little trip to get each other's will signed, make a day of it, keep it light and funny- but man. man in this context. oh i'm gonna be Sick.

so we see a woman holding a crystal over her body and we learn it is her sister melissa!!! she's really pretty. she tries to show mulder that you can feel her energy by holding his hands over her but he gets angry and leaves.

(i love this dichotomy here, that somehow the ultra skeptic has a sister who is into talking about spirits and crystals. truly i feel this is what happens to people raised catholic)

at this point i wrote "girl i'm stressed tf out" and yeah. kinda the whole mood.

melissa is saying that his anger and fear is blocking the positive emotions she needs to feel, which echoes my statements about how he has been too cranky this season. but i can't even laugh because the man is in Distress.

he goes back to his place after saying he needs "to do more than just wave his hands", and he's bouncing a basketball and putting tape on his windows. i get it. that oppressive feeling of being unable to sit still. every moment dragging like a lifetime. bounce bounce bounce. he wakes up and rips the tape off his windows.

and back to attending to her bedside. i do not think this man has been clocking into his shift at the fbi.

we see a fellow enter wearing a suit and carrying flowers and i was like oh shit is it last rites time? um. so maybe i don't know what gets worn to a last rites event. i realize my weakness in this area and will do some research when we're done here.

but it's not anyone here to do that- it's frohike, the guy from the lone gunman who was making weird comments about scully! he must have come to pay his last respects. he picks up a clipboard and i thought oh my gosh he's gonna start reciting poetry- but he notices something weird on her chart and sneaks it out

it seems the whole thing was orchestrated, because mulder goes back to the freaks at the lone gunman, who invite him to come over and watch earth 2 and point out the factual inaccuracies- which, all things considered, is very sweet- but they send her blood data to a hacker that uses a richard nixon persona and he says that yeah, her blood is weird. and mulder's like, is she gonna make it, and they say no. it got very somber.

in terms of scully view, we see her on this dock of a boat between life and death. i thought that was nice imagery, and extremely eerie. those around her bedside are on one side of the dock, and it looks like the rope could snap and drift away at any moment.

the nurse comes in to do some blood work and i have another "augh blood" moment. so i look away. and mulder is REALLY pondering her blood. i thought he was honestly gonna take it for himself, maybe bring it in for testing or keep it like an emo.

but no! a strange man in a suit STEALS the blood!

so mulder is back into track star mode and is SPRINTING after this guy. i always forget that he is a runner. and he is RUNNING around this hospital and makes it to the parking lot until...

he is stopped by deep throat 2.0, a man for whom i realize i have no other name. but you know who i'm referring to, right? so i guess that name will work for now. deep throat 2.0 says that mulder needs to stop NOW, and that HE got deep throat 1.0 AND scully killed by looking into things too hard. which is an absolutely awful thing to say btw. deep throat 2.0 has a gun to mulder's head and says to stop searching.

mulder proceeds to run after the blood thief despite these warnings. can't say i blame him. he finds the blood thief!!! and they have a bit of a fight until...

deep throat 2.0, who earlier said he wanted to remain out of this mess, rolls up? so we're getting mixed messages here. and he says i'll take care of this and SHOOTS THE BLOOD THIEF?????? in the head.

back to the hospital. mulder is not pleased about the prospect of life support being removed but melissa says he has to honor her wishes. and he's going on about the blood protein and the doctor is like "why do you think this has anything to do with blood protein" and he Does Not Explain

her mom calls him "fox" again and says this is a moment for the family, but he can come too. and he won't come in. he's the wettest and saddest a man has ever looked as they go in there. and then the rope holding her to the dock of the afterlife is severed.

man. if i had been a contemporary viewer i would have been sobbing. thank god i've seen gifsets that prove this wasn't the end for her. because if i hadn't, i would have been in shambles. i mean i Was in shambles but like i would have been bawling on the floor.

cig man is with skinner. i honestly didn't think we'd get up to any sort of fbi related tasks in this episode, but he hands skinner a report and leaves. and then mulder comes in and denies being involved with the shootout at the hospital

(it's worth noting that he is doing all the denying to be an ass to skinner, and yells about "how does it feel, all the denial")

and he says that it was "cancer man" who took scully. i had been calling him cigarette man, but cancer man is very comparable.

the next thing i wrote was "SKINNER IS A BITCH????" this was because he said that mulder is "just as responsible" as cancer man for scully's situation if he knew the risks of this line of work and didn't warn her.

skinner baby YOU CAN'T SAY THAT? seriously i cannot figure this guy out. every time i think i have a read on him he does something like this that shifts my interpretation. what a horrible thing to say to someone.

cut to scully cam. she's on a table in metaphysical land. and her dad is there. he calls her starbuck and refers to himself as ahab- so the first mate and the captain. and he's monologuing about how he never knew how much he loved her until he realized he could never be with her again, and he says they'll be together "soon", but not now. so i'm wondering if she can hear all of this going on. i would guess so.

mulder is in the cafeteria with melissa and she is trying to talk a bit of sense into him. she says "you could spend the rest of your life finding every person that's responsible and its still not gonna bring her back" and he replies "including myself?"

now usually i would say that mulder taking the blame upon himself is tragic and typical, but here, having it also been implied by skinner AND deep throat 2.0, i am thinking, man, he's got to really believe it, even more so than all the other times he couldn't save everyone. which is. fucked up. so immensely fucked up. i'm sorry you pissed me off last episode baby but we can go to the zoo again like i planned. let's go see some tigers and cheer you up.

a woman walks in and asks him for change for the "cigarette machine", which was the first time in my life i have ever heard the term "cigarette machine", so maybe the earth really is healing

but he finds a pack with an address in it, and then, straight from my notes:

"CIG MAN'S HOUSE. OH MULDER IS THERE AND POINTING A GUN AT HIM. AND ALSO SCREAMING. "why her" oh his finger gets very close to the trigger"

cig man says he likes her and mulder, and. wow. what a despicable human being. he says that he likes mulder more for showing up to his place with a gun. says he's playing the game. mulder seems to have a realization he is acting just like those he swore to destroy and puts the gun down. cig man says it'll be their secret. and also that he was the one that told skinner that mulder shot the guy in the hospital even though he didn't think it was true.

we next see mulder sadly tapping at his computer. he prints a one sentence resignation letter "effective immediately" NOT even a two week's notice, that's how bad they fucked this man up

skinner comes by and says it's unacceptable while mulder is packing all of his things. and mulder says:

"i hate what i've become"

man. fuck. he hates the rage he has been driven to. the loss of control. the way he sees himself as being responsible for deep throat and scully. and all of it stemming from his need for answers, to track down his sister. he hates what that feeling of insufficiency has led him to and the path he now walks upon. hates it. hates his situation and himself and the world.

skinner decides to share some personal story time: he went off to vietnam- willingly enlisting on his 18th birthday. and then while he was there he shot a kid who was covered in grenades. the camera glances back at mulder occasionally, who, despite all of his grief, seems to be consulting his oxford training to try and remember what you're supposed to say to a guy who just told you he killed a child in vietnam.

and then he says he watched all his friends die and that he almost died- he was put in a body bag, and was in a coma for two weeks- and he was too scared to learn what happens next. but mulder isn't. and that's why his resignation is unacceptable.

mulder adds things up and realizes that it was skinner that gave him cancer man's location. again. complicating the vibe i get from skinner in doing something positive now. he says that every day is a risk.

deep throat 2.0 rolls up, saying that the people who did this to scully are going to break into his apartment tonight, and he'll have to kill them. he looks displeased by this- aversion to taking any sort of lives- but resigns himself to it.

so he's in his place in the dark ready to start blasting, when he gets a knock on the door. and it's melissa.

this is where we get the iconic exchange "why is it so dark in here?" "because the lights aren't on" which made me laugh so thoroughly seeing it out of context before i ever decided to watch this show

and melissa is MAD. scully is weakening, and she came to get him to say his goodbyes, but he won't go because. well. shootout is about to go down. this is his ONE chance to learn who did this to scully. but she doesn't know that is why he won't leave, so she YELLS at him, about being in a place even darker than her sister, and asks "why is it so much easier for you to run around trying to get even than just expressing to her how you feel? i expect more from you. dana expects more from you"

and man. those words are heavy. he locks the door, knowing that his place is gonna be robbed, and that he'll never know who hurt her, and comes down to see her.

and he's talking to her. holding her hand. saying he's here. he doesn't know if it'll change anything, but he's here.

when he goes home, his place is entirely ransacked, and he falls to the ground crying. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. i can't even put into words how bad this broke me. big strong mulder weeping on the ground, his career in shambles and his best friend dead.

i feel like i need to pause there just for how heavy it was. like this was his lowest low. lower than even vampire sex.

but he soon gets a call and he smiles so wide!!! and we learn her eyes are open!! it is the sweetest smile i have ever seen!!!!!!

he gets down to the hospital and she's awake and talking- but she doesn't remember anything- and he, being the insufferable man that he is, says the following:

"i brought you a present (holds up a vhs tape) superstars of the superbowls"

man. man. man. man. she deadpans so quickly. "i knew there was a reason to live"

he must have grabbed a random tape off his shelf and brought it to her with the express intent of antagonizing her back in the realm of the living. and he thought of something to say along with it on the car ride down, his hands shaking. something, anything to make her laugh. a stupid vhs tape. his constant sports references. her quick tongue. oh dear lord help me these two have ruined me.

he gives scully her necklace back, which i wrote about in all caps, while her mother and sister watch

and then we learn that the nurse who was taking special care of her was never actually there when scully wants to thank her and the other nurse is like "um no one who works here has that name" so. SCULLY PARANORMAL EXPERIENCE (POSITIVE)??!?!?!?

overall. man. i am experiencing such a volume of emotions. what the hell. she's back, though. and we saw how much she means to him. and i feel like i could type a million words on the subject but i don't even know what to say because they're still all stuck in my chest. they love each other sososo much.

will he ever tell her what he did in her absence? how he tried to quit? how he broke every rule trying to save her? how he screamed at the doctors, how he broke into cigarette man's house, how he almost pulled the trigger? how he watched a man die when deep throat 2.0 shot him? how he was blamed for her condition by himself and by others? how he left his apartment to be ransacked, giving up his one chance to catch whoever did this to her, to try and let go of his grief and be with her instead? or will he keep quiet except for the latest witticisms and frequent visits and presents and stories by her bedside while she gains strength and recovers?

and how he left, too, when he knew she was okay. how he must have wanted to be there more than anything in the world, but knew she needed to rest, so he left her with her family. how he could breathe easy again. how he had to make it seem like it was cool, and everything was contained.

man. this tv show. i just typed all of those words out and i still feel like i didn't even begin to cover the things i'm feeling. i feel like i need to shake them up and down.

but this should be good, because the x files are reopened... so are we seriously, as the kids say, so back? only time will tell!

[inkmage13]

A comprehensive list of every single Frankenstein adaptation i have ever read/watched and my reviews of them

Universal Frankenstein 1931

I hate this movie with my whole being. It's like they read the book upside down and backwards. Hate the creature's design. 1/10

Young Frankenstein

A hilarious spoof of the Universal film. Gene Wilder kills it as Frederick von Frankenstein. Creature design is much better than Universal, I love the non functional zipper on his neck. So silly and goofy. 9/10 (minus one point for Creech fucking being an important joke/plot point bc it makes me uncomfortable)

Junji Ito's Frankenstein

A mostly faithful comic adaptation of the original novel. Creature design is fantastic but he has short hair for some reason. Very cool art. 8/10

Frankenstein Alive, Alive!

Literally my favorite graphic novel. Bernie Wrightson cared about the Creature so much and it really shows. Incredible adaptation exploring the rest of Creech's life. 11/10 cannot recommend enough

Frankenweenie

Great Tim Burton movie. I love Sparky. Another successful spoof of the Universal film. 7/10 (minus points for being lowkey racist/xenophobic)

The Rocky Horror Show / Picture Show

I'm lumping in the musical and movie together. I love RHPS with my whole being. And it's a weirdly good adaptation. Dr. Frank N Furter's desire to create the perfect artificial man is explicitly queer. Rocky is born and immediately starts singing about how he's confused and miserable. 8/10

I, Frankenstein

Not a great movie but I did kind of enjoy it. Adam Frankenstein is caught in the celestial war of good and evil because he is neither human nor demon. His design sucks because he's just a guy, not nearly fucked up enough. Also he's not an incel which is very out of character unfortunately. 5/10

The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein

What the fuck is this book. Reading it was a roller coaster ride of "ok i dig this" and "what the actual fuck am I reading". All you need to know is the author sucks the human soul out of Victor and makes Creech a furry. 2/10

Frankenstein: A New Musical

I love this musical!! It's mostly book accurate with great portrayals of every single character. The original production's Creature design sucks though, it's literally just the actor with no prosthetics or makeup or anything. The music ranges from average musical stuff to absolute bangers. 9/10

Edward Scissorhands

I love this movie so I'm counting it because the Inventor makes an artificial human which is basically Frankensteining. Edward is adorable I love him so much. I think the movie is a great metaphor for the treatment of disabled/neurodivergent people in society. 8/10

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Specifically Sally and Dr. Finkelstein. Dr. Finkelstein is a super shitty dad to his creation, and Sally just wants to go out in the world and be a normal monster girl. As a Frankenstein adaptation 9/10 also 10/10 movie

X Files: The Post-Modern Prometheus

Incredible retelling with fantastic references to the original text. Mulder and Scully get justice for a monster in a crazy small town. And the episode is in black and white for no reason other than drama. But for some reason the Creature, who is called El Mutato, r**es people so for that unfortunately 7/10