#THATS RIGHT I MADE HIM IN ANIMAL CROSSING

[bring-onthe-rain]

Flamingo 🦩

[changbunnies]

Connected (18+)

♡ Pairing: Royal Knight!Bang Chan x Princess!Reader

♡ Genre: angst, fluff, royal au, historical au, knight x princess au, arranged marriage (for reader), forbidden love, childhood friends to lovers, mutual pining (they are so oblivious)

♡ Word Count: 15.9k (oops lmao)

♡ Summary: Y/N, as princess of the kingdom, is destined to marry for politics and financial gain, but all she wants is to marry for love. Chan, her childhood friend turned royal knight, has to either come to terms with her inevitable marriage, or finally confess the feelings he's been harboring for years.

♡ Warnings: very brief minho x reader, extremely jealous chan, also lowkey possessive chan, (he's not in any toxic way at all but still), reader is implied to be plus size, old timey traditions and expectations of women to suit the setting, i think thats about it ??

♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): petnames (princess (mostly as a title), darling, my love) loss of virginity (both reader and chan are virgins), nipple play, fingering (f rec), unprotected piv, creampie, overall very soft sex with some shyness and teasing sprinkled in, breeding kink if you squint

♡ Notes: you can also read the story on my a03 here and if you're interested, you can also check out my fic rec and feedback blog @stray-dreams ! and thank you so much for all the love my works have gotten so far, i appreciate it sm !!

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

A sigh passes your lips as you stare out at the sprawling nature before you from up on your balcony. The sight of trees swaying in the wind, flowers blooming towards the sun, and animals skittering about on the earth below always helped to ease your troubled mind.

You always found yourself here when the worries of life and your duty proved too much for you. As the kingdom’s heir to the throne, you weren't often afforded the luxury of leaving your castle, or dirtying your soles by prancing in the nearby forest. 

Instead, you often had to settle for the next best thing– simply observing it. Normally that was enough for you, but on days like today, where you were constantly bombarded with responsibility and expectations, you wished you could flee into the forest and never look back. It would be difficult to flee your life, but surely it would be better than this. You were tired of feeling so stifled all the time. 

"All that sighing isn't going to help, Princess," a familiar voice speaks from the doorway of your bedroom. "I know that," you frown, turning to look at your childhood friend turned royal knight with crossed arms and a glare on your face.

You know Chan doesn’t mean to add to your frustration, and normally you wouldn’t snap at him over a comment made in jest, but you're really in no mood for it right now. You’ll apologize later when you’re less quick to anger; right now, you are currently too stuck in your feelings to respond kindly. 

It'd been a week since you were informed of your inevitable marriage, and you still hadn’t come to terms with it to any degree. Your father, the current King, informed you that the eligible men who desired your hand would be arriving later in the month, and how you were expected to be on your best "womanly" behavior when meeting your suitors for the first time. You knew it would happen someday but you still loathed the idea of it.. It made you feel like an object, like a pawn to be used rather than a person with her own thoughts and feelings. 

"My apologies Princess, but you've been really down these past few days. I thought you might enjoy some company," Chan explains with his perfectly rehearsed politeness that you haven't quite gotten used to hearing yet. "Stop calling me Princess when it's just the two of us, it's unnecessary," you complain while Chan looks at you with a playful smile. 

"Very well, Princess," he teases in response, laughing when you scowl at him for it. Chan has been your knight for a little over a year now, and while you did enjoy having him around more often, the tone shift from friend to knight was jarring. There were times where you missed your old dynamic, when he'd speak to you with no pleasantries or titles (though it did often incur the wrath of your attendants for being 'disrespectful' to the princess.)

You never found him disrespectful however; you actually quite liked that he always spoke to you candidly and without pretenses. Even as a kid you'd noticed the way commoners treated you differently from everyone else, and you liked that Chan didn't. Though he was just a child like yourself at the time, and most likely did not realize the impact it had on you, you enjoyed being able to feel like a normal person. 

He was often on the castle grounds due to his parents, his mother a maidservant and his father a horseman. And while he was never supposed to have met you due to the difference in station, you two often found yourselves in each other's path.

You learned to ride horses together under his father's tutelage, he would accompany his mother around the castle as she cleaned various rooms, and he’d always wave to you with a goofy smile while you were studying (even if it ended in a scolding from the adults around him.)

You had quickly become fond of him, your only friend in an otherwise lonely world. You can remember fondly the days where he would distract you from your lessons by making silly gestures behind your tutors' backs, and how he’d gift you trinkets from outside the castle’s walls, such as cheap dolls and freshly picked flowers. 

They were “plain” by royal standards, but you still loved them dearly, as they were things you had never had in your life until he brought them to you. He would even bring delicious pastries and fresh bread made by his mother, which had become your favorite things to eat simply because it was so different from everything else you were allowed to have. 

Chan steps onto the balcony, taking his place next to you. He leans against the banister, staring out at the scenery that held your attention moments ago. "I don't want you to get married yet either," he admits after a brief moment of silence. You look at him, taking in the sullen expression on his face. You are initially surprised he looks so sad, allowing you to catch a glimpse at his usually hidden vulnerability.

You know very well that he, like anyone, is capable of feeling a depth of complex emotions, but he rarely shows you that side of himself. You spend so much of your days stressed or tired or daydreaming about being anything other than what you are, so he chooses not to burden you with any feelings he has. You've told him many times that he could, even encouraged him to share with you, but he always said he'd rather focus on making you feel better because that would make him feel better too. 

“You don’t..?” you ask, though you wonder what you are even expecting to hear in response. He’s your best friend and he cares about your feelings, so obviously he doesn’t want to see you go through something you hate. It obviously it saddens him to see a friend hurting– but despite yourself, you still hope for his feelings to go beyond that. 

You want to hear him say he cares about your inevitable marriage not as a concerned best friend, but as a man. A man who loves you, a man who wants you, a man who would fight for your hand in marriage against all odds. It's foolish, you know this, but you can’t stop yourself but hoping for it. 

Your heart ignores the logic your brain provides, disregarding that he'll never be allowed to marry you even if he did have romantic feelings for you and was willing to fight against tradition for you. It doesn't matter that he has devoted his life to protecting you, that he's extremely well read or gifted in combat, or that he grew up within the same castle walls that you have. He will always be "beneath you", his merits never good enough, all because he was born to commoners. 

You always hated that. Why do the circumstances of someone's birth have to matter so much? Why does fate have to be decided based on what family you are born into?

And you can still remember vividly the day you realized you cared for him as more than just the best friend you grew up with. When he stood before you, handsome in his weathered training armor and practice sword in hand, smiling proudly as he devoted his life to your care, your heart fluttered.

Chan worked hard to be your knight, practiced with his sword to the point of exhaustion, spent countless hours reading about affairs between nations and studying combat techniques, all to be the one who protects you. He dedicated his life to you, to being by your side through everything, even if it meant putting his personal affairs on hold. 

There were times where you still didn’t understand why he sacrificed so much of his freedom for you. The life you lived was so stuffy and restricting, and he could do anything. He could do whatever he wanted with life, live anywhere in the world, choose from a myriad of careers, yet he chose to be stuck in the castle with you for the rest of his youth. 

The day you turned 14, you confessed to him that you were dreading the day you both became adults because you knew your lives would take you different places. Even if he followed in his father’s footsteps and became the castle's horseman, you'd likely rarely, if ever, see him. It was something you thought about a lot, as you were often reminded by your elders of your responsibilities to the kingdom, but that day it was hitting you particularly hard. 

That day sticks firmly in Chan's head as well; he can still remember the way tears pricked the corners of your eyes, the reality of getting older and the responsibilities that were soon to follow already bearing heavily on you.

That was the day he decided he’d work hard to always be near you, as he never wanted to see you cry over his separation from you. If there was no reason for him to stay, he would make one. If it meant freedom and choice was taken from him, he was willing to let those things go. If it was for you, it would be worth it.

When you asked him why he decided to become a knight despite the sacrifice and responsibility it entailed, why he was willing to give up so much to stay in the castle with you, he simply smiled at you. “It’s where I am meant to be,” he replied, dimples lighting up his face in an expression so sweet it made your stomach flip. 

You fell in love with him that day. Or maybe you always loved him, and that was the day you fully realized it. That intangible feeling that always lingered whenever you looked at him, that you couldn’t hold and understand but knew was there. It was love, all that time. You knew it then, and you still know it now. Chan is the only person you will ever love. 

He spends the rest of the afternoon comforting you, as he always does when you are feeling unhappy and indignant. Giving you kind words or gentle, comforting silence when you need it, transitioning into his goofy side who makes jokes and does his best to make you laugh as soon as you show that you are feeling better. 

And it does help, but in a way it also makes it worse. Because unbeknownst to him, he’s just reaffirming your love for him. For every gesture that endears you to him, it also makes your heart sink even further. And worse of all, you can’t even be upset about it– because he doesn’t know your feelings, he doesn’t know how his kindness feels akin to a knife in your gut. 

And it’s likely he’ll never know. Because when can you tell him? How can you tell him? It’s not meant to be, and it never will be. For as long as you are royalty, he’ll never be allowed to love you, and you’ll never be allowed to love him. The sooner you accept it the better off you’ll be, but you don’t know if you ever can. 

How do you make yourself stop loving someone so perfect? How do you put aside your feelings, how do you pretend that they never existed in the first place? You’re lost, you’re stuck, and you know nothing will change it.

You suppose the best you can do is enjoy the little time you have remaining. Live in the moment with him instead of worrying so much about the future, because once it’s here you won’t be able to get this time back. 

That’s why you smile for him, earnestly. You laugh with him the way you always do, you reminisce about your childhoods, you talk about all your favorite things instead of wallowing in what you hate. You don’t allow yourself to frown or cry until he’s gone for the night, the setting of the sun beckoning him out of your room and to his own. 

You cry as you wash off the day's grime in the bath, you cry as you towel off in front of the mirror, and you cry as you lie in your bed, staring up at the ceiling as you think about all the joy you will never have.

Because you will lose Chan before you ever even had him. Never being allowed to hold his hand, to kiss him, to lie with him.. Because he is your knight, and a princess isn’t supposed to fall in love with one. 

It’d been over a month since your suitors first started arriving at the castle to meet you, settling into their guest rooms and (frustratingly) occupying your days. You were as respectful as you were expected to be, but you really didn��t put in any effort to get to know them more deeply. You just weren’t interested in any romantics with them. 

If the situation were different, and these were men you were meeting with the prospect of friendship or strengthening ties between allied kingdoms platonically, you would be much more susceptible to the pleasantries. As it stands now, you can’t put yourself out there for them the way you are expected to. 

Most of them seem nice enough, and for the ones with gentler personalities you do feel bad for your standoff-ish attitude, but showing your disinterest firmly is the best way to not give anyone false hopes. You know you won’t fall in love with any of them, and wouldn’t it be worse to lead them on by having no backbone? 

Sure, you could be a bit nicer, but why would you be? They are all here with the intention to marry you, they all have a goal in mind– to win you over by any means necessary. Even if they had the purest of intentions, it wouldn’t sway you to change your mind so easily.

At the end of the day, no matter who is here for a chance at genuine love and who is here for political gain, you are being treated like an object, and it’s something you detest with your entire being. And even leaving aside your feelings for Chan (which undeniably also plays a part in your disdain for your situation), you still wouldn’t enjoy this process.

Maybe it was your own fault for idolizing fairytales and spending your free time daydreaming about what your perfect life would look like, but what can you say? You’re a hopeless romantic, even to a fault, it seems. Is it truly so bad for you to want genuine love with someone? A love that happens organically, unforced by any outside factors pushing for it? 

And now here you are, letting your maids prepare your attire and dress for tonight’s ball, where you will be expected to mingle with and accept the advances of your suitors, even if it is performative in nature. You try your best not to scowl in disapproval when your maids talk excitedly about your “romances”, who they think is most handsome out of your suitors, and who they hope you will choose. 

You wish you could scream out, “I choose none! I don’t want to marry any of them!” You’d gladly let these girls take their pick of the men who came for you. It seems that the fan favorite, as it were, is Sir Minho, the handsome son to Duke Lee in the western lands. Apart from being attractive, he’s well-mannered, compassionate with animals, and skilled in battles of wit. 

If you were being truthful, he was an easy pick. He was easily the most desirable of every suitor, not just from a personal standpoint, but also from a political standpoint. Keeping relations with the west positive would lower chances of revolt or separation into their own independent nation.

Yes, if you were smart and not at all stubborn, you would most certainly pick Minho. But stubborn you undeniably were; opinions firm and unbending, resistant to compromise or sacrifice.

And honestly, shouldn’t that be expected? Why wouldn’t the princess, who is capable of having everything material she ever wanted, not be selfish when it comes to love? You like to think yourself a reasonable person, one who makes sound decisions and goes through life with a firm sense of rationality. However, when it comes to Chan, all rational thought and decision making seems to leave you, replaced solely by emotion. 

Your heart overtakes you, arguing fiercely with your rational and intelligent brain, as if making the logical, sensible choice would be foolish despite the reality being the opposite. You let out a sigh, that your maids thankfully mistake as one of exhaustion. While you arguably had the easiest job in the room, just sitting around and letting others doll you up, it was still tiring in its own right. 

Layers upon layers of petticoats, chemises, and skirts, tight garters to hold up your stockings, squeezing into a corset and then adding even more layers on top of that.. If the end result wasn’t so gorgeous, you’d absolutely hate this process. And god forbid you needed to use the bathroom at any point– that endeavor in itself was hellish. 

After the grueling task of fitting you into your finest royal blue ensemble, your hair and makeup came next. You begged for it to be on the simpler side, as you would be occupied for hours tonight and really didn't want to worry about keeping it pristine the entire time, and they thankfully obliged the request. There’s a few moments of downtime when they are finished, which gives you time to breathe and prepare yourself mentally for the night’s festivities. 

There is a knock on the door, which the maids closest to the door don’t hesitate to open. It’s Chan, of course, as it’s his job to come collect you whenever it’s necessary for you to leave your room. That’s another reason this night you’re upset about tonight– you wish you could walk together to the ballroom as a couple, instead of as a knight and princess.

“It is time to go, Princess. The guests have begun arriving in the ballroom,” he says, keeping his gaze professional under the watchful eyes of the maids in the room. 

But God, is that hard for him. You're so unbelievably beautiful it makes his heart feel like it's twisting in his chest. He’s lucky that no one in the room seemed to notice the way it stole his breath away, or the way his eyes lingered on you for far longer than they should have before he directed you to follow him out of the door. 

You thank your maids for their help before you depart, and they all say some variation of “have fun!” as you leave the room. “Fun” is doubtful in this scenario, but you’ll certainly try to not be miserable. Try being the keyword– you make no such promises of how things will actually play out. 

You put on the best smile you can manage when you enter the room, letting various guests greet you, briefly indulging them in small talk before Chan helps you move your way past them. You take a seat next to your parents, with Chan standing just a few feet away– a respectable distance as to not intrude on the royal family, but close enough to reach you quickly if something went wrong.  

As is to be expected, sticking close to your parents and away from the dancing doesn’t spare you from any attention. Those who are permitted to speak with the royal family appear to you in a near constant stream, with monotonous questions about how you’ve been and how you feel about your inevitable marriage in tow.

God, the night has just begun and you’re already tired. Is it too early to retreat back to the safety of your room? You take a quick glance around the ballroom, taking note of all the guests you have an obligation to talk to and who you could feasibly get away with staying away from.

Unfortunately, it seems like your evening will be full of talking to people you don't want to deal with. You said you'd try to have a good time, but that didn't mean you had to right this second, did it? You're definitely staying at the table for as long as possible, even if it causes your guests to think of you disfavorably (and if you're lucky, it will.) 

It's probably about two hours into the gathering when your parents seem to grow tired of you doing nothing but sitting with them at the head table. You can tell even before it happens that your mother and father have something to say about your silent protest.

"Why aren't you out there, dear?" your mother asks, taking a gentler approach despite the obvious frown of displeasure on her face. Truthfully, she understands your sadness and feels for your plight, but she can’t allow you to wallow in it.

You are very clearly sulking, proper manners ignored as you sit with crossed arms and a pout. “Don’t like to dance,” you lie, but everyone near you knows that isn’t true. 

You normally loved dancing. You would attend your dance lessons enthusiastically, and later you would sneak Chan into the ballroom to teach him everything you learned. Although he loved music and followed rhythms easily on his own, his initial steps with you were always awkward. His excuse was that he was nervous to be dancing with the princess, but you would remind him that since being the princess never made him hesitate with you before, it shouldn’t matter now.

In all honesty, a majority of his nerves came from being afraid of making a mistake in front of you. Chan could normally dance very well, often being complimented and told he was a natural at it, but doing it with you made him especially nervous. What if you felt how sweaty his palms were becoming just from having you closer than usual? What if you could hear how loudly his heart was pounding? What if the nerves made him do the steps wrong? 

He really liked you, and he didn’t want to make a fool of himself in your presence. Chan is often goofy, yes, but it was always willfully. He liked making you laugh and smile, but he didn’t want that side of him to be out in that moment. He found himself wanting you to see a different side of him, he wanted to impress you with how easily he picked up what you taught him, he wanted you to compliment him with your sweet voice.

To his own relief, Chan eventually managed to conquer his nerves, and he was able to pick up the steps and lead the dance without making an embarrassment of himself. Soon enough, the two of you would regularly spend hours in the ballroom together, dancing until late into the evening. With no band to play music for you, the both of you would take turns humming melodies, though you always preferred when Chan was the one doing it as his voice was so melodic and beautiful to you. 

With your memories of each shared, secret dance so clear in your mind, how can you dance with any of these men and not think of Chan? How do you look at any of them and not compare their differences? How can you be with them without thinking about how you’d rather be with Chan instead? Even if they were lovely, even if they were without flaw, they weren’t who you wanted to be with. 

You glance at Chan, who has to remain stone faced in these moments. Your parents are aware that you became friends with him well before he was inaugurated into knighthood, but they don’t realize to what extent.

They don’t know about the countless hours spent together, how you’d disregard rules to be near him, or how you’d sneak him into spaces he normally wouldn’t be allowed in. He can’t make them aware of how close the two of you truly are by reacting, and you know this well, but you still can't help but seek him out in every moment. 

Noticing you looking at him, Chan shoots you a small look of sympathy before your parents can notice, doing his best to ease you despite the restrictions. He knows you don’t want to do this, and that you hate being scolded and reminded of how “important” it is to have a “good” husband.

“Good” meaning having power, or wealth, or a prestigious lineage in this case. You don’t want to care about formalities, traditions, or responsibilities. You don’t want to prioritize superficial qualities or be in a loveless marriage purely for alliance. 

Is it really so terrible for you to just be in love with someone for who they are instead of what they have? You don’t care about what they have to offer or what legacies their families hold. You want to be with the person whose smile lights up your world. You want to be with the person who sacrificed so much just to stay within your realm. You want Chan. 

“Your suitors would love to dance with you,” your father says, “You should at least try to get along with them, don’t be stubborn. You won’t grow to love any of them if you don’t try.” Chan watches your expression change, the mix of anger and sadness bubbling within you becoming increasingly more apparent. He wishes he could rush to your side and help, but he can't. So instead he stands in place, fists clenched in a vain effort to ground himself as he remains frozen to his spot. 

“Of course father,” you say as you stand, biting your tongue so as to not make a scene in the middle of an extravagant ball. Despite your tumultuous feelings, you're not foolish enough to disrespect the king with an audience. “I need a moment, if you’ll allow it,” you say and your father nods, finding it a reasonable enough compromise. 

You bow politely before you go despite how badly you wish you could storm out and give a bitter display of resentment. Chan moves to follow you, (which he would do even if it wasn't his job,) but your mother calls for him to wait a moment. “I’m aware my daughter is unhappy about this, but try to talk some sense into her for me, will you? I doubt she’ll listen to us, upset as she is. She may find it easier to listen to someone unattached to the situation.” 

‘Unattached.’ If only she knew Chan was terribly, terribly attached to the situation– attached to you. “Of course, Your Majesty,” he answers politely, bowing before he steps away to follow your path out of the ballroom. It doesn’t take him long to find you despite his delay leaving; he knows you well enough to know where you prefer to be when upset.

You are outside, sitting on the steps leading to the garden, arms hugging your legs with your head against your knees. You feel trapped, and looking out at nature always helps (even if in this case said nature was still confined within the castle’s walls.) You lift your head when you hear Chan’s footsteps behind you, wiping stray tears from your eyes as he approaches. “Y/N..” he speaks softly, heart tugging at him painfully; he always hated seeing you cry. 

He sits next to you, deciding comforting you was more important than worrying about who would see the two of you being close. If he gets in trouble, so be it; you need your friend right now, not your knight. He wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you carefully to his side. “I hate this,” you mumble with a trembling voice, burying your face in his shoulder. 

Chan swallows, trying to find the words to say. He hates it too– unbearably so. Every time he pictures you being in love with someone else it makes him physically ill. He doesn’t want to think about how devastated he’ll be hearing you say ‘I love you’ to another man, how excruciating it will be for him to watch from the sidelines while you build a future with someone he can never be. 

He knows his heart will crumble when he sees you make your eternal vows to someone else, so beautiful and demure and forever out of his reach. He made his promise to be your knight for the remainder of his days knowing this is what it would entail, but fuck, it still hurts.

Chan has always considered himself a strong and resilient person, and he felt like he could handle this inevitability, but maybe he was naive to think so; nothing could have prepared him for how painful the reality actually was. His mistake wasn’t falling in love with someone unattainable– his mistake was thinking he could survive the heartbreak.

In all his life, he’ll never regret falling in love with you or becoming the knight you need, but he’s still human. A selfish human, who wants more than he can be granted, who wants to marry his beloved princess more than any treasure or title in the world. 

Chan does his best to keep his breathing steady, not wanting to alert you that he was affected by this way more than a friend or knight should be. He thinks about what your father said to you shortly before you left the ballroom. ‘You won’t grow to love any of them if you don’t try.’  

As much as he hated to admit it, your father had a point. And he could see why your mother wanted him to make you understand, but did he really have it in him to follow her request? Could he encourage you to try to fall in love with someone else knowing how it’d tear him apart?

It’s the last thing he ever wants to do, but devoting his life to you meant he had to put aside selfish desires. He couldn’t let his love for you cloud his judgment, he couldn’t sabotage your chance at happiness to make himself feel better. How can he be a proper knight if he puts his selfish hopes above what is best for you in the long run? 

“Listen.. I know you might not want to hear this but.. Your parents have a point. You should get to know them better,” Chan speaks cautiously, trying to prepare for whatever reaction you might have. It kills him to say it, not just because he doesn’t want to see you with someone else, but also because he knows you won’t want to hear this from him. He watches you freeze, staring at him in something akin to saddened disbelief.

You feel as if your cracked heart has now completely shattered. If there was any doubt before, now you know. Chan doesn’t love you the way you love him. He wouldn’t be okay with this if he loved you, he wouldn’t want to see you marry someone if he wanted you the way you want him. Your feelings have always been one sided. You swallow, trying not to cry any more than you already have or show how hurt that made you feel. 

“So you agree with them then..” your voice is quiet and defeated. What do you even say..? Should you admit that one of the reasons this is so hard for you is because you’re in love with him? Would that even change anything? You always knew being in love with him was a fool’s endeavor, and now that truth was solidified. 

“It’s not that. You know I don't want you to, it’s just– I know you’re miserable right now. And the reality is that you’ll have to marry one of them. If you get to know them and grow to love one of them, it’d be better for you. The way things are now, you’ll never be happy, and that's all I want for you.. Just to be happy,” he says, trying his best to show you how earnest he is.

He’s so fucking in love with you, of course he doesn’t want to see you marry someone else, it’s the last thing he ever wants. He doesn’t want to watch you fall in love with one of them, he doesn’t want to sit on the sidelines while you give your love to someone else, but he can’t keep denying the reality before him. Despite how selfish he is, he can’t put himself and what he wants above you.

And putting those selfish desires aside, he just wants you to have a good, happy life, even if that happiness comes from someone else. No matter how badly he wishes he could be the one you spend your forever with, it’s not the life that is meant for him. He has to come to terms with that, now more than ever. He has to, because it'll break him apart if he doesn't. 

You look at him now, and as much as it hurts, you can see the sincerity. Even though it’s not what you wanted to hear, you know how much he cares about you. Even now, he’s looking out for you and trying his best.

Maybe he doesn't love you the way you love him, but it is a form of love nonetheless. His actions have never shown you anything different, and even if it’s not the sort of romantic love you want it to be, you should be happy with what you already have with him.

You separate yourself from his gentle hold, standing quickly as you do your best to wipe your tears without ruining your makeup any further. “You’re right. I’ll try,” you say, forcing yourself to find the resolve you desperately need to get this night over with. He smiles at you, albeit strained as he suffers with his own tumultuous emotions, and rises to his feet as well. 

Chan gives you one last gesture of comfort, a gentle squeeze to your hand, before he leads you back to the ballroom where everyone waits for you to return. “Are you ready?” He asks when you are both stopped in front of the doors.

You sigh, taking just a small moment before you nod and allow yourself to enter the bustling room. You’re not ready, but it will never get any easier, so you suppose you’ll just have to accept that and get on with it regardless.

You leave Chan standing with your parents, where he can still have you in his line of sight while not intruding upon anything you need to do. You suppose if you’re really going to commit to this, you should go with the obvious choice– Lee Minho. It doesn’t take you long to spot him either; all you had to do was follow the gaze of infatuated maids to see him standing in a bubble with other high society guests your father invited to the event. 

“Sir Minho, are you occupied?” you ask as you step forward to him, the crowd that had gathered around him easily dissipating to allow the princess closer to her suitor. “Of course not, Princess. Would you like to dance?” he smiles politely as he holds out his arm for you, and you accept it, letting him lead you toward the center of the ballroom. 

Another thing you suppose you should do if you’re really going to commit to this is apologize. You doubt anything will genuinely come of it on your part, but it’d be best to not have a marriage start off with bitterness in your heart if it does miraculously develop into something more.

Honestly you’d rather scream and kick than offer an apology you don’t entirely mean but.. What other option is there at this point? "Listen, I'm sorry for how cold I've been towards you. It's not due to any fault of your own, it's just.."You pause briefly, trying to think of how best to continue that line of dialogue, but Minho speaks up before you can.

“It’s just that you are being forced into a marriage you don’t want?" Your eyes widen, mouth opening and closing as you desperately try to find a way to dismiss his accurate assessment. Were you that transparent? 'Of course you were, idiot,' you curse yourself. Maybe you should've practiced subtlety.

"I get it. You aren’t the only one unhappy about this,” he continues, further surprising you. He chuckles at your shocked expression, amusement in his voice. “What, is that hard to believe?”

"I.. I guess I just assumed everyone is here because they want to be. It didn’t occur to me that you would be in a similar situation to myself,” you answer truthfully. Maybe you would have realized sooner if you hadn't been so stuck in your ways, so quick to ignore and dismiss every suitor that came close to you. 

“I don’t blame you for thinking that. I’m sure most of the men are here because they want to be. I consider myself an outlier,” Minho speaks nonchalantly, but now that you are really looking at him, you can tell he is just as unhappy to be forced into this as you are. You also get the impression that he’s good at keeping a cool exterior, likely due to years of experience at suppressing his actual desires, the same as you.

“Is there someone else? Someone you love, back at home?” you ask, and Minho smiles sadly as he nods. “There is. They mean the world to me. I asked them to wait for me, I told them I wouldn’t leave them but.. I don’t know what will happen, if I'm being honest.” He tries to mask how upset he is to admit that, but you can see it.

Maybe you’d be as oblivious to it as everyone else seemed to be if you weren’t dealing with similar emotions. You feel a strange sort of kinship with him now, realizing how parallel your situations seem to be. “I’ll make sure you can be reunited. I may not have much power as it stands now, but I can do that at least.”

Minho smiles at your reply, but shakes his head, as if your act of kindness would be futile. “I appreciate the sentiment, but it would only be temporary. I’m sure even if I don’t marry you, my father will just send me off to another castle to find a spouse. It’s all he cares about.”

You frown, about to speak reassurances or some other comforting statement, but he stops you before you can. “What about you, Princess? Is there someone you love?” Minho asks, easily shifting the focus off of himself. 

You hesitate a moment, debating on whether it would be wise for you to talk about. But, Minho already shared with you even if it could be a risk for him to admit, so.. You decide to be honest. “There is. He.. is the best person I've ever known.” 

“I thought so. Not to sound overconfident, but most women fall at their feet for a chance to speak with me,” Minho smirks and you laugh, the first genuine laugh you’ve had all evening. “Well, you are handsome. I may love someone else, but I’m not blind.” Your reply makes Minho laugh as well, the conversation turning into something you can actually enjoy.

“It’s good to know the Princess isn’t rejecting me for my looks. I can sleep assured about my handsome features tonight,” he jokes, and if you weren’t in public you’d most certainly slap him on the arm. You didn't expect his personality to be what it is, but you suppose that's one of the charms that draws people to him.

“The person you love– do they know how you feel?” He asks after a beat, and you frown, trying not to let too much emotion out as you speak. “I’ve never told him, nor my parents. I’ve wanted to, but.. I’m scared he won’t return my feelings, and.. He was born a commoner. People won’t approve of that.” Unconsciously, your gaze shifts away from Minho and turns towards Chan. 

Minho notices, of course, and follows your gaze, seeing the way Chan is overtly staring at the pair of you dancing. Oh, he is in love with you, if the way he’s staring daggers into Minho is any indication. He almost wants to laugh at how oblivious you seem to be about it, but he also sympathizes.

He was there once– afraid to confess, afraid of what the reaction would be. And even now he’s still afraid of how his father will react if he ever confesses to his hidden relationship, so he’d be a hypocrite to tell you to not worry about it. 

But at the very least, he can be on your side. He can be a friend, an encouraging presence, a person who understands what you are going through. “I think you should tell him how you feel. Even if things don’t turn out how you hope, at least you tried. I think that’s better than having never tried at all, and living with regrets.” 

Honestly, he hopes you do confess your feelings, because he feels like he might burst into flames any second if your knight keeps staring at him with fire in his eyes. He’s so obvious, Minho isn’t sure how everyone else seems oblivious to it. But maybe he only recognizes that look in his eyes because he was there himself not too long ago, when others made advances on the person he loves most. 

There’s a brief moment of silence as you contemplate Minho’s words. What is better? Accepting your fate as it is now and never telling a soul how you feel about Chan, or confessing your feelings and experiencing what it’s like to openly love Chan, only to have it ripped away from you when your family doesn’t approve? You really don’t know.. 

“Hey, if it doesn’t work out, maybe we do get married and act as each other’s cover,” he says jokingly, hoping it can make you feel comforted to some degree once he notices you being trapped in thought about what to do next. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” you say with a small laugh, “Though if there is anyone I’d choose to be in a fake marriage with, it’d have to be you.”

Honestly, despite the unorthodox way it came to pass, it felt good to talk about your feelings for Chan. You didn’t have anyone to talk to about them, always keeping them completely to yourself. And you felt like you had a real friendship with Minho blossoming, one that could be maintained for years to come. “I enjoy your company. Platonically, of course,” you say with a smile. 

“As do I, Princess,” he smiles back, “Want to cheer to a good friendship?” “Let’s!” You say enthusiastically, letting your dance come to a close and allowing him to lead you to toast refreshments. 

If there was ever a time in Chan’s life he wishes he could disregard everything he’d ever been taught about rules and decency, it was now. He’s never felt so bitter in his entire life, the first time he’s ever felt spiteful at the unfairness of his situation. 

“Thank you for talking to her, she looks to be enjoying herself much more now,” the queen says with delight as she leans towards Chan, ensuring that he hears her thanks. All it does is effectively rub salt into his open wound.

“..Yes, she does,” Chan says, having to put effort into sounding anything other than gutted. The jealousy sizzling in his veins, envious desire stuck like bile in his throat.

He knows you well enough to know what a genuine smile looks like on you. He recognizes your body language, can see all the minute and subtle changes. It makes him physically ill, watching you be so happy with a man he knows you are likely to marry. Chan knew he was selfish, but he never realized how jealous he was capable of being. 

It was a luxury he didn’t realize he had– never having to see you in the arms of someone else. Sure, it was bound to happen, and he assumed he would be devastated when it inevitably occurred, but this? This all encompassing jealousy, this unadulterated greed– he doesn’t know how to process it, he doesn’t know how to calm himself down or mask it.

A realization zaps him suddenly, shocking his system as the feeling settles over him. He can’t let you go, he can’t put his feelings aside the way he thought he could. He’s not as strong as he thought he was, not as mature or as reasonable as he always thought himself to be. He can’t watch you be with someone else and be okay. If this is how he reacts to a situation so small, how will he feel when you actually marry?  

He’s fucked. Truly, unequivocally fucked.

His body and mind scream at him to act, to do something, do anything, but what is there for him to try? What can he do that isn’t hopeless? No, even if it is hopeless, even if it doesn't change a single thing, he has to regardless. That’s what every nerve in his body screams at him– if there was ever a time for him to conjure his bravery and win you over, it was now.

You breathe a sigh of relief when the night's festivities finally draw to close, eager to finally relax after hours of dancing and talking. Minho made the night more bearable at least; it was much easier to get through the evening when you had a friend to cling to and keep a good deal of your other suitors at bay. As soon as you finished bidding your goodbyes to the guests that were in attendance, you rushed over to Chan so he could finally lead you back to the privacy of your room.

“Princess.. I’m sure you’re tired, but can you wait for me here for a bit..?” Chan asks, hoping the nerves he feels aren't being conveyed in his voice or facial expression. You tilt your head, slightly confused but agreeing anyways. You really have no reason not to after all, especially if it’s a request from Chan of all people. He smiles and thanks you, running off quickly while promising he wouldn’t take too long.

You stand in the center of the ballroom alone, wondering what on earth Chan is having you wait here for. He could also get in trouble for leaving you alone here without anyone to watch over you, but whatever he has planned must be worth the risk he’s taking.. Is he trying to make sure no one is going to come back so that the two of you can dance together?

The thought makes you excited if you're being honest– you always love dancing with Chan, but you hadn't had many opportunities to after he began training to be a knight. And you’d happily do so if he wanted to, even if your feet were screaming at you from exhaustion.

You also have to admit, you enjoy the idea that after watching you dance all day, Chan wanted to have one with you too, even if it had to be once the event was over and within privacy. You wait as patiently as you possibly can, watching the doors to the ballroom, eagerly waiting for them to open.

And when they do, and your eyes fall on Chan entering dressed in what is possibly the most beautiful suit you've ever seen, your heart feels like it's going to burst. "You stayed," he smiles as he steps closer, his dimples on full display. His unruly hair that normally falls over his face has been tamed enough to show his features more clearly, the full extent of his handsome face on display just for you.

“C-Chan, you– I, wow, you look–” You try to speak but you stumble over your words, his beauty leaving you even more speechless when viewed up close. It really is the most beautiful suit you've ever laid eyes on. Or maybe you only think so because he is the one wearing it? Either way, he looks so incredibly handsome that you feel almost dazed, your brain quickly malfunctioning as you stare at him.

Truthfully, he had to save his salary for months to afford a suit this nice. You lived in a world of extravagant gowns and beautiful jewelry, and he knew that if he ever got the chance to dance with you again, he wanted to look like he belonged with you– even if it was just this one time. You don't care about aesthetics, he knows that, but it's still something he wanted to do. Looking at him the way you are now, he knows it was all worth it.

He always wanted to belong in your world, to look like someone that a princess could be with. Soon enough, you’ll have to decide which of your suitors to marry, and on that day he will lose you. If this is the last opportunity he has to share a dance with you, then he wants to make the most of it. Even if it's just for this short moment, he'd like you to see him as something more than a friend or knight.

He wants to live in a bubble where it’s just you and him, where he can show you the side of himself he always wanted you to see. A bubble where only the two of you exist, where everything but each other is background noise. His every moment, all he sees is you, and he wants to be the only one you see in turn. No one in your eyes but him, his every word hanging in your ears and gesture embedding in your heart.

He will allow himself this final selfish act before he lets you go, before he has to bury his feelings and lock them away for good. He will dance with you not as your best friend, your knight, or your student who is still learning the steps, but as a man in love with his princess. 

“May I have this dance, Princess?” Chan asks, smiling up at you as he bows, holding out his hand to you. You feel like your brain is short circuiting, all dance etiquette and rules leaving your mind as you stare at him. Your face has turned bright pink and your heart feels like it’s going to beat out of your chest, but you manage to nod and let your hand reach for his. How will you even survive this dance when he’s smiling at you like that while looking so devastatingly handsome? 

Despite the glaring fact that all your knowledge is lost on you as he holds you closer, he leads you through your daze well. Humming melodies with his beautiful voice while he guides you through the steps– you feel like you’re in a dream. He’s looking at you so intently, smiling so charmingly between melodies, you feel like you’re melting. His eyes are sparkling with an emotion you’ve never seen on him before. 

No, that’s not true. You have seen it. Fleetingly, in quick moments where it would flash on his features, a moment so small you’d miss it if you blinked. Moments like now, where it was just the two of you, free to be yourselves, to talk and laugh and dance with no restriction. Every time you noticed that look in his eyes, his expression would change in an instant, or he’d turn his face away and not let your eyes linger on it. 

Affection? Care? Love? Is that the feeling that shows on his face when he looks at you? Is love the emotion that always makes him smile bashfully before he looks away from you? The one you sometimes catch, but is gone before you can really commit it to your memory? This is the first time you’ve been granted the pleasure of seeing it on his face for more than a few seconds, and it makes goosebumps erupt on your skin. 

All you can do is stare as he leads you through the dance, the entirety of his being capturing your undivided attention. A shyness bubbles underneath the surface, neither of you used to staring at one another so overtly, but you couldn’t possibly turn your gazes away. You decide that if you did somehow fall asleep at some point and this is a dream, that you’ll enjoy it for all its worth. 

You don’t know how he feels about you, really. At best you can guess, you can hope, but there’s no way for you to truly know. But what you do know is how you feel about him, and that’s enough, you think. It’s enough to make this moment the most special you’ve ever shared. It’s enough to lift up the shattered fragments of your heart and reconstruct them into something beautiful and new.

Does he love you as much as you love him? Regardless of the answer, you’ll never forget how you feel right now. A love beyond words, a happiness that transcends everything else. 

Chan, who was feeling confident until now, begins to feel a stutter in his heart. He wanted to impress you, to show you the most ideal side of himself, to make you see him, really see him, in the way he desired to be seen. But now that you are looking at him with such ardor in your eyes, with his hands on your waist and your arms around his neck, he feels like his heart could burst.

Was he once again naive to think he could put his feelings to rest after this? Foolish to believe that this moment would be enough for him to part from you satisfied with what little he had? 

Yes, he definitely was. Because the way you look at him now, he knows he can never go back to how things were before. He will want to see it again and again, paired with your sweet smile and cute mannerisms. Again, he realizes he's selfish. He doesn’t want you to look at anyone else this way, to give anyone else your affection, to smile at them the way you do at him. For better or worse, you’ll be there, in every thing he does and in every thought he has. 

Most selfish of all, he wants to kiss you so badly, to claim you as his. He wants to pull you even closer, to feel your warmth against him, to tell you that you are all he ever has, and ever will see. It’s always been you that lights up his world, always been you that gives fire to his ambitions, always you that makes his heart race and palms clam up. Since he was a child, for as long as he can remember until now, you were his everything. You became his world, everything he does revolving around you, forever drawn to you.

Before he can stop himself, his lips are on yours, connecting with you in the way he’s always dreamed of. There’s no time for him to rationalize his choice or scold himself for giving in to his selfishness. Chan has always been weak when it comes to you, after all. Unconsciously, his hands hold you a bit tighter, though he himself is unsure whether that’s because he’s afraid to let you go or because it just feels right to have you in his grasp while he kisses you.

You blink in surprise, time feeling like it has slowed to a complete stop. You feel like the air has been knocked out of you, your brain desperately trying to catch up with reality and make sense of its own racing thoughts. When Chan pulls back, you can see a panic forming in his eyes, apologies lingering on his lips. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I-I shouldn’t have, I–” 

You pull him back to you before he can continue to ramble, continuing the kiss he started. He can’t regret this, can’t second guess letting the moment take him over; you won’t let him. You want to be lost with him, enveloped in his embrace and consumed by his touch, damn the consequences. You don’t care who catches you, you don’t care about what punishment either of you could receive; this is all you’ve ever wanted for so, so long. 

And maybe you should care, maybe you should stop him, stop yourself, but you refuse. If pushing him away is right, then you’d rather be wrong. His world may revolve around you, but yours revolves around him just as much. You can’t live without him, can’t bear to be apart from him. You want to stay with him, even if it causes everything else around you to crumble. 

You’re both breathless by the time you separate, his eyes searching over your face desperately for any sign of hesitation, because once he really has you, he’s never letting you go. “Princess, Y/N, I–” He pauses, words lodged in his throat, but his eyes convey everything. You see it, the clearest that you ever have.

“Do you love me?” You ask, watching intently as his face heats up all the way to his ears. “Please tell me. I love you, and I need to hear you say you love me too,” you all but plead, watching him swallow as he tries to conjure the words he wants to say.

He kissed you, so he can’t really deny it, but admitting it could make life even more difficult for you. Chan knows you well enough to know you’ll fight against your parents wishes, that you’d abandon your life here if it called for it, but can he let you do that? 

This is the last chance he has to listen to reason and walk away, his last chance to bury his emotions down deep, his last chance to use even just a modicum of self control.. But no, that's not what he wants to do.

Selfish, selfish, selfish. That’s all he’s ever been with you, and maybe all he ever will be. Because as much as he logically knows he should let you go, he just can’t. Because the thought of anyone other than him kissing you fills him with dread. Because even if it makes your reality harder, it’s still all he wants. 

All along, his answer has been there. He can’t turn away from you, and you won’t let him. Both of you are stubborn in your wants, both of you pulling to each other like magnets, unable to be drawn apart. That’s what makes you perfect for him, he supposes.

You're both a pair of reckless fools, willing to throw everything away for the other person. How can his answer be any different, especially when you’re looking up at him like this? Desperate to hear his answer, desperate to be loved by him and him alone. 

“I love you. I always have, from the very beginning,” Chan confesses, “I know it’s wrong, I know I’m not supposed to love you, and I’ve tried to hold it back but.. I can’t stand watching from the sidelines anymore, I can't stand the thought of you being with someone else. I love you, and I want to be the one who spends his life with you.”

‘I’m not supposed to love you.’ You hate that he had that thought, but you understand why. No matter how close you became, even when he never treated you any differently from anyone else, he wasn’t oblivious to your difference in station. Neither of you ever let your circumstances affect your friendship, but that didn’t mean the difference between you wasn’t still there. 

He recognized long ago that someone of his birth wasn’t meant to be with a princess, and he tried his best not to let his feelings for you show. You understood now too, why he became your knight despite all that it meant. Because he loved you, and that was the only way he could guarantee he would always be beside you. If he couldn't be your husband, that was the next best thing. 

"If there is anyone in this world who deserves to marry me, it's you. It's always been you, I've never wanted anyone else," you say with full sincerity. There’s no one else you would ever pick, no one else you’d ever give your life to. No matter how much time passes, how your life changes and how far apart you may end up, the love you have for your best friend, your knight, will always remain.

He kisses you again, with all his love and affection poured into it. Years worth of repressed feelings bubbling to the surface like a wellspring. His self restraint dissolves, kissing you over and over again as if his life depends on the repetition of the action. He holds you tightly, squeezing you closely to him, in a gesture that is as full of desire as it is love.

You’re both breathless when he finally allows you to separate, lips swollen and red from the continued use. You lost track of time, having no idea how much or how little the minutes have passed. All you know is Chan’s all encompassing presence, and finally knowing the feeling of his lips against yours.

You don’t want the night to end here, you realize. You don’t want to return to your room and carry on tomorrow as if this never happened. You don’t want to pretend that you’re not impossibly in love with him, you don’t want to pretend you don’t know how his body feels pressed against yours, or how it feels to have his lips on you.

“Take me to your room, Channie,” you plead, and he swallows, your request making his heart race impossibly fast. The majority of knights live in barracks, but as a royal knight in charge of the princess’ protection, his room lies close to yours, separated only by a few halls.

But despite the relatively close proximity, you’ve never actually been to Chan’s room before due to the risk. Even with your friendship being apparent, going directly to his quarters and staying for a prolonged time ran the risk of spreading untoward rumors. 

For royalty, their reputation is of the utmost importance, and while you didn’t care what people said behind your back, it was still something you had to be careful of for the sake of Chan himself. Even if you could easily recover from rumors, Chan wouldn’t be afforded that same luxury– it would undoubtedly follow him everywhere.

And this led to him often being in your room, using the pretense of his knighthood to enter your space and have private conversations and talk like friends, the way you did before he became your knight. But that was always during the daytime, and with other knights still standing out in the hall.

If those same knights saw him enter your room with you during the night, and not come back out until morning, it would certainly raise suspicions. Really, no matter what the two of you do tonight, there is risk, the probability of consequences you can’t come back from higher than it’s ever been.

“Are you sure..?” He asks, clearly worried about what could happen as a result. He wants to be with you, of course he does, but if it’s found out you stayed with him in his room for an entire night, the consequences wouldn’t be pretty. He needs to know you understand that, needs to know you want to be with him regardless of what could happen afterwards. You nod, resolve clear as you hold his hand tighter.

You were aware of the risks, but your love for him outweighed the concern. If anyone wanted to question you about being away from your room during the night, you had the confidence you needed now to fight for what you want. Now that you know he returns your feelings, you won’t let anyone get in the way of keeping you together, you’ll fight for it with all you have. And besides that, you're a princess. You were raised with the belief that the world was in the palm of your hands, so shouldn't you be allowed to have the things you want?

“I’ve thought about this a million times, Chan, I’m sure,” you tell him. Nothing will deter you from being with him– not anymore. “A million times, huh?” He teases with a smile as he pulls you along with him to exit the ballroom, his playful side coming back out as he leads you out to the hall and in the direction of his room. “Shut up,” you smile shyly as you slap his arm, a blush creeping across your face.

You have to suppress the giggle that threatens to leave you as you wind the halls together, a nostalgic sort of feeling welling in you despite this being the first time you are sneaking to his room like this. You snuck him into so many spaces, always sharing fond moments with him in secrecy, and really this is just an extension of that. 

The roles may be reversed in this instance, but the way you hold each other's hand and smile at each other is the same. The way you speak in hushed voices, the way you contain your gleeful giggles and the way you look at each other with pure joy, it's all the same.

When you reach his room, he ushers you in the door first, following behind swiftly and locking the door behind himself. “Just a moment,” he speaks softly as he moves carefully past you, lighting the candles he has on his nightstand. You use the dim light to survey your surroundings (as much as is possible, anyways,) taking note of all the things that make his space different from yours. 

Chan watches you with subtle amusement; his room really isn’t anything special, but you’re looking around it as if it’s the most interesting thing you could ever see. (And to be fair, it is a stark contrast from the luxurious space you’re used to living in.) His space, while decently sized, still pales in comparison to the size of your room. His furniture is much less exuberant in style, and bed significantly smaller than your own. But you like it better that way, you think– it feels homey. 

There’s a moment of silence that follows, not necessarily awkward, but rather hesitant as you turn your attention back to Chan. He’s sitting on his bed, looking incredibly handsome even in the dim candle light. Or did that add to it? You aren’t really sure. All you really know is that the way the subtle illumination and shadows frame his face makes your stomach twist. He really is way too handsome for his own good. 

Cautiously, you sit next to him, taking his appearance in more closely (despite the way it makes your heart feel like it’s going to implode.) He looks at you as well, taking you in just as attentively. Now that he can freely gaze at you without restriction, he wants to commit you to his memory. He wants to know your every blemish, every freckle and every line. 

You’re so impossibly beautiful– you could appear to him covered in grime and wearing tattered rags and he’d still think you were the most gorgeous thing he’d ever laid eyes on. Has he ever told you that? No, he doesn’t think he has. Every time he was awed by you, he’d look away before you could notice his blatant stare, never commenting outwardly on how incredible he thought you were. 

“Can I kiss you again?” Chan asks tentatively, eyes full of eager trepidation. It may be beyond his capabilities to tell you how gorgeous you are, but he can show you. You nod, a small "yes" leaving your lips. His hands seek you out first, resting themselves on your waist before he kisses you again.

It’s a slow, sensual kiss, one that leaves you full of butterflies. All the romance novels you read couldn't have prepared you for how it actually feels to be in the moment, for how it feels to have his hands holding you firmly as he kisses you. 

You want to move without restriction, you want to feel him closer, want to feel his touch on your bare skin. You separate, Chan watching you curiously as your face heats up in preparation for what you intend to ask. “Help me take off my dress?”

“W-What?” Chan stutters, bright red blush traveling from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. Did he hear you correctly? He’s certainly mistaken, right? “I-I mean, unless you think I should keep it on for the rest of the night..?” 

“N-No, right, of course not,” he says, swallowing as he watches you rise from the bed. He follows, hands trembling as watches you turn your back to him, waiting for him to help you untie your corset. He reaches out slowly, untying it as carefully as he can despite his shaking hands. 

The layers of your dress follow rather quickly after that, eager to get all the extra weight off your body and allow yourself to feel Chan's touch directly. It's not until you're at the final layer that you feel shyness creep back on you, Chan's hand stilling on your shoulders as his own nerves pick up as well. 

When he pulls it down, you'll be strictly in your underwear, the most exposed you've ever been to a man in your entire life. But as much as it makes you shy, it excites you almost equally as much. You turn around now, so that your back is no longer facing him. You cross your arms, placing your hands on top of his, looking up at his face as you guide his hands down your arms, pulling your dress down along with it.

He swallows, eyes following the path your hands lead him on, his face easily the hottest it's ever been in his entire life. You lower your arms once you are no longer able to guide his hands, letting the last piece of fabric fall to the floor around your feet. 

Fuck, he really should be looking at you respectfully, but it feels impossible. You are standing in front of him in nothing but your underwear, and you encouraged it, guided him to remove your clothing with your own hands. God, you're going to ruin him.

"Can I?" You ask as you rest your hands on his chest, the buttons of his suit easily within your reach, ready to undo them the moment he gives his approval. He does so easily, even helping you with the buttons and letting it fall to the floor the same way you did with your dress. 

You watch as he pulls the undershirt over his head, tossing it to the floor with everything else. Your eyes scan his torso, face heating up as you take in his toned physique. You assumed he was strong given his status, but you've never actually seen the proof of it until now. You'd be embarrassed for blatantly staring if not for the fact that he'd done the same to you just moments ago. It's only fair to stare at him as much as he stares at you– tit for tat, if you will. 

Chan's hands reach for his pants now, but he stops before he proceeds with removing them, looking at you as if to ask if it's okay with you before he does. Well, if the eager glint in your eye is anything to go by, you certainly want him to. He pulls them down easily after gaining your approval, kicking them off the rest of the way, (perhaps a bit unceremoniously, given the unprecedented circumstances,) not worrying at all about where they land.

You look at each other, an electric tension filling the space between you. The juxtaposition between the bashfulness and the desire leaving you temporarily stuck in place, a silent battle being waged between ‘should I act, or shouldn’t I?’

It’s typical for the man to make the first move in situations like this, isn’t it? But since when have you adhered to the stereotypical things that were expected of you? You hesitated before now out of fear– fear of what could happen to Chan and fear of your feelings being unrequited, but the minute he laid his feelings out for you, you decided there was no more time for fear, no time for hesitation. 

When you want something, you get it, and what you want right now more than anything is Chan, simple as that. You lay back on his bed now as if you own it, looking so relaxed, so assured, as you prop yourself up on your elbows and wait for him to return to your side. Fuck, do you even know what you're doing to him?

He slots himself between your legs, his body weight pressing down on you when he lowers himself to kiss you again. Your torso falls back against the bed when you lift your arms to hold his face in your hands, not letting the kiss break and dragging him back with you. His hands travel up and down your sides, always stopping just under the line of the fabric containing your breasts. 

He pulls away from your lips, looking at you closely as he lets his thumbs under the fabric ever so slightly. He’s silently asking for permission again, you realize, searching your eyes for any semblance of hesitation or regret. There’s none to be found, of course– all you feel is desire, is love. You want this as badly as he does, undeniably so. 

He pulls it up slowly, carefully, and you lift your back off the bed, allowing him to take it off you completely. You watch him swallow as he stares down at you, taking in the unfamiliar sight of your exposed chest. He’ll never admit how many times he envisioned this moment in his mind, but the reality is much better than anything his mind could have conjured up. 

When Chan finally tears his eyes away to look at your face again, you offer him a smile, one that makes his heart stutter. It’s soft, yet completely radiant, and patient. There’s no need for you to rush him along, nor do you judge him for taking his time to look you over. When it’s something special, something you’ve both wanted for so long, with more intensity than you can express, why would you rush? It should be savored, with even the smallest of details committed to memory. 

“I love you,” he whispers, leaning down to kiss you for what feels like the millionth time. His hands cup your breasts, feeling the weight of them in his palms for the first time, squeezing (gently, of course,) every so often. When the calloused pads of his thumbs rub over your nipples for the first time, and you let out the most sinfully sweet noise he’s ever heard, he’s done for. 

He wants– no, needs, to hear it again. Again, and again, and again, all for him, only ever for him. The small, soft gasps, the shuddering breaths, the shiver that runs along the entirety of your body when he touches you– it’s addictive, so terribly addictive. “Channie–” you whine into his mouth, and he has to suppress the groan that threatens to leave his throat in response.

“Again,” he says as he begins to trail kisses beneath your ear and down the expanse of your neck, “Say my name again.” You oblige his request easily, each small whine turning into a soft moan of his name.

Your voice, so dovelike, its sweetness all encompassing, commandeering all his senses. His hands travel lower, rubbing over the plush territory of your thighs, his fingers always coming dangerously close to your center before being taken away.  

He chuckles when you huff, a small pout on your lips that he finds adorable. He doesn’t mean to tease, but he has to admit he likes the reaction it grants him. “What’s wrong, darling? I didn’t think you were so impatient,” Chan says with an amused tilt in his voice, because at the end of the day, beneath all the shyness and desire that was at the forefront, he is still the playful person he’s always been. 

“Don’t be mean, Channie,” you all but grumble, your pout growing larger. It’s not like you’re trying to rush anything, it’s just.. He knows what he's doing, and he’s doing it on purpose! Making you all needy for his touch, being so close to where you want him but not actually granting it to you. 

He smiles, that dazzling one that makes your stomach twist, confirming that he does indeed know he’s tormenting you on purpose. “Apologies, my love. You’re just so cute when you pout.” You would definitely punch him if the statement didn’t make butterflies erupt in your gut. “Chan, please,” you shamelessly whine, and oh, how that instantly turns the tables back in your favor.

He’ll do anything for you, whatever you ask, everything he can offer, it’s yours. You realize that, don’t you? That even if he teases, even if he pretends he’s fine and not completely and utterly enamored by you, he can never actually resist you. “Tell me what you want, Princess. Anything you want, it’s yours. Anything.” 

“I-I–” you start, but quickly stumble over your words. The way he’s looking at you, waiting with bated breath for your answer, eyes eager and so willing to give you his all– it sends a shiver down your spine. You swallow, willing your racing heart to calm so you can speak properly. “I want.. To feel you. Inside me.”

Chan’s breath catches in his throat, cock twitching unceremoniously in response. He wants to, it’d be pointless to pretend he doesn’t, but.. “Are– are you sure?” he asks, the question laced with genuine care despite how eager he is for you to say yes. He wants to care for you, wants to make love to you, to claim you as his in the sweetest of ways, but he doesn’t want you to move faster than you’re ready for. 

Even if your confessions were a long time coming, even though there was years worth of yearning and desire, it’s still a lot to entrust yourself to someone like that. To trust them wholeheartedly, to grant them such pleasure and believe that they’ll take care of you in return.

And he needs to know that you understand the risks and the changes it will bring, and you aren’t saying it out of some spur of the moment obligation to please him. Because he’ll be happy, no matter how long he has to wait.

“Channie,” you place your hands on his face, forcing his eyes to stay locked on your own, “I love you so much. I want to do this with you.” You can feel his face heat up under your fingers, but he smiles– one that is shy, but at the same time full of unfiltered joy. Chan leans down to kiss you once more, showing you all the love and care that he can’t express with his words. 

His hands resume their original path, tracing up and down your thighs for a few moments before he finally hooks his fingers into your underwear. He pulls them down slowly, not with the intent to tease you this time, but because he knows when he finally sees what is waiting for him underneath the fabric his heart is going to beat out of his chest. 

You adjust your legs position to make the removal easier, watching Chan with nervous excitement. It is scary, you admit, being so exposed and vulnerable in front of someone else, but there is no one else in the world you trust more. No one but Chan makes you feel this safe and secure, and he’s shown you over and over how much love he carries for you. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he admits for the first time aloud. Would it be cliche to compare you to a goddess? Maybe, but that’s the only thing that comes even remotely close to conveying how alluring he thinks you are. More radiant than even Aphrodite herself, with even the wonders of the world paling in comparison to you. “Gonna make you feel so good, I promise.”

You watch him bring his hands to his own underwear, slipping them off with relative ease before settling himself comfortably between your legs. “I need to get you ready, okay darling? And then I promise, I’ll give you everything you want,” Chan speaks softly and you nod, entrusting yourself to him completely. 

He’s never done this before, so he follows his instinct, doing whatever feels right in the moment. His fingers rub carefully between your folds, spreading around the wetness that accumulated there. Your breathing halts when the pads of his fingers press against your hole, body tingling with overwhelming desire. Slowly, carefully, he pushes his middle finger inside.

The sensation is unfamiliar, but not at all unpleasant– in fact, the back and forth motion of his finger as it slides in and out quickly begins to draw soft whimpers from your lips. Soon enough, he’s adding a second finger, watching how they disappear in you with an almost mystified gaze. He can’t believe how snug you feel around his fingers, how wet and warm and fuck, he can’t even begin to imagine how good it’s going to feel around his cock. 

“Ah-!” you gasp loudly when, after some exploration, his fingers find a bundle of nerves that makes every nerve in your body erupt in pleasure. Your head falls back against his pillows, and you bite your lip, trying to contain the slew of loud noises that threaten to leave you everytime he rubs over it again. 

His fingers pump in and out at a steady pace now, not too fast as to overwhelm you, but enough to have stars constantly erupting in your vision. Your hands tightly grip the sheets beneath you, legs trembling and knot tightening in your gut unbelievably fast. Chan’s name leaves your mouth over and over between breaths and whines, like a looped mantra, the salacious melody you create music to his ears.

You clamp a hand over your mouth to muffle the loud whimpers and moans that rip through you as you come undone on Chan’s fingers. Would it be sacrilegious to call your noises heavenly when the reason for them is so sinful? He wishes more than anything he could hear them unfiltered, to allow them to flow freely from your lips without a care in the world about the volume and who could hear them. 

He slowly stills his fingers as you come down from your high, taking in the sight of you and memorizing every detail. The rise and fall of your chest as you catch your breath, the rosy tint of your cheeks, the beads of sweat that linger on your brow, all coming together to create an ethereal image. 

Chan plants soft kisses on your face as he gently slides his fingers out of you, complimenting you on how pretty you sound and beautiful you look. "Channie–" you start, and he smiles, knowing exactly what you intend to whine about. "Don't worry, my love. I'll keep my promise."

He takes his fingers, still wet with your release, and rubs them up and down his length, mixing his pre-cum with it along the way. As you watch you realize that his cock is much bigger than his fingers, and you wonder how it'll fit when just two fingers alone already felt like so much. 

“Are you ready?” Chan checks in with you when he’s lined up with your entrance, ready to stop at a moment's notice if you decide this is too much too soon. He can see the subtle worry beneath the anticipation, notices the way you unconsciously hold your breath when he presses against you. It's true, you are nervous, but not enough so to make you change your mind. So you nod, and he moves one of his hands to yours, intertwining your fingers. 

“Squeeze if you need to, okay? I'll go slow,” Chan assures you, placing a soft kiss on your temple before he begins. There’s a sharp intake of breath from you when he slowly begins to push inside, the sting being much more intense than you had anticipated. It goes beyond the discomfort you expected, eyes squeezing shut and your grip on his hand tightening. 

The minute Chan feels you squeeze his hand tighter, he pauses just as promised. You open your eyes after a moment, looking up at Chan to try and push the sting to the back of your mind. He's breathing heavily, brows knit together in a combination of pleasure and concern, beads of sweat dripping down the sides of his face.

It takes all his self control to not get lost in the sensation around him, needing to make sure he takes care of you properly. He can't hurt you, can't lose himself before making sure you'll feel good too, needs to put you above all else. 

"Do you need me to stop?" he asks, and you quickly shake your head no, expressing again how much you want to be connected with him in every way possible. Leaning down now, he kisses you until the discomfort subsides, whispering sweet words to you when he resumes the push, praising you over and over again until he's completely within you. 

You're still squeezing his hand, not due to any pain or discomfort this time, but to ground yourself through the overwhelming sensation of Chan being deep inside you. He continues kissing you softly, going above and beyond to ensure that you're relaxed and comfortable. "Love you so much Channie," you tell him, and he smiles sweetly, heart so full of adoration and infatuation for you. 

“Love you more,” he kisses you, ”so much,” another kiss, “never letting you go.” You giggle softly between his kisses, his words making your heart flutter. After graciously accepting a bit more of his doting, you soon notice that no trace of the initial sting or discomfort remains. In fact, being so full of him feels good, your body unconsciously seeking friction. 

“Channie, I’m ready now, want you to move, please,” you beg with such a soft and cute voice, he knows there is no way he can resist. Well, not that he would ever deny you what you want in the first place. With one last kiss, and reassuring squeeze to your hand, he finally allows himself to move. 

Slowly, as gently as he can, he pulls out, pressing back inside in one fluid motion when only the tip remains, repeating the action through shaky breaths and his bottom lip tucked between his teeth. Even with the languid pace, it's enough to drive him insane. Every detail of you, from the way you look, the way you sound, the way you feel wrapped around him, so snug and warm and inviting– it’s intoxicating. 

Chan’s arms reach beneath you, hooking under your back and hands holding your shoulders, keeping your body closely pressed against his own. His face is buried in your neck, low groans beneath your ear, for you and you alone to hear. You make your own effort to keep him close as well; one hand tangling in his curly hair and the other tightly gripping his bicep.

He’s going slow, not just for your sake, but for his own. Because if he doesn’t he’s going to blow, because he wants to live in this moment for as long as he possibly can, because being close to you like this is everything he’s ever dreamed of. You’re his, finally his, and he wants it to last, wants to indulge in the feeling and the emotion of being your chosen lover. 

It takes him a few tries to find the spot that makes you see stars with just his cock, but he knows he’s found it when you (unwittingly) let out a loud moan, nails digging into his skin and eyes rolling back. He picks up his pace now, chasing the sound of your pleasure-filled voice, wanting to hear you call his name over and over again.

He kisses you again when your combined noises begin to grow in pitch, muffling one another in a desperate attempt to keep the sounds of pleasure confined to the 4 walls of Chan’s room. You want to be quiet, you know you should be, but you truly can’t help it. But if he’s being honest, he likes that you can’t keep your voice down, likes that he’s making you feel so good that you can’t suppress it.

Chan is getting close now, and he pulls himself away from your lips, wanting to look at you once more before his approaching orgasm overtakes him. Even now, when you're breathless, cheeks red and hair sticking to your forehead due to the sweat, you’re the prettiest thing he’s ever seen.

"Wanna cum in you," he manages to say between his low moans, “will you let me, please? Need to fill you up, need to make you mine forever, just like I'm yours."

Once again, your stomach flips, the words having an immense effect on you. "Y-Yes, yes, cum in me, I'm yours, only yours," you answer easily, wanting nothing more than to feel (and watch) him come apart because of you. His pace stutters following your permission, thrusts growing quick and sloppy as he chases his high, groans turning into drawn out whines. 

The faster pace sends you reeling, toes curling has the knot in your stomach tightens and snaps in quick succession. You pull Chan back down to you, kissing him deeply as you cum around his cock, both to muffle yourself and as a gesture of the all consuming love you feel for him. He lets out soft, desperate whimpers as he releases inside you, ropes of cum painting your walls white.

You both stay like that for a few moments– breathlessly wrapped in one another's embrace, sharing soft kisses as you come down from your highs, soft admissions of love leaving your lips. You wince when Chan’s softening length pulls out of you, feeling extremely sensitive following the loss of your virginity. 

Chan blows out the candles before he lays down next to you, leaving the moonlight coming through his window as the only illumination. He intended to pull you close to him, but he didn't have to– you snuggle up to him the moment you can, laying your head on his chest and wrapping your arm around his torso, legs tangling with his.

His racing heartbeat begins to slow, an extreme relaxation sweeping over his body. He closes his eyes, your soft breathing serving as his own personal lullaby. Carefully, he reaches his free arm out for his blanket, pulling it over to cover your nude bodies.

He’s nearly asleep when he hears you softly call his name, voice quiet but still loud and clear in his ears. “What is it, darling?” he asks as he opens his eyes and lifts his head to look at you. There’s a moment of silence that follows as you consider how best to voice what you want to say, but Chan is patient, looking at you with a soft gaze.

“Do you.. Think we can really get married?” You finally ask, and Chan’s heart squeezes in his chest when you do. He can hear the tremble in your voice so clearly, feels the way you hold him tighter as you wait for him to answer.

If he’s being truthful, he doesn’t know. It’s what he wants, what he hopes for more than words can express, but just doesn’t know. And it breaks his heart to see you like this– clearly vulnerable and unsure. You’ve always sought out Chan for comfort, but it’s different this time. Different because you now know the depths of love you both share, the desire to always be together and the fear that you’ll be driven apart.

You’ll fight for your love, of course you will, because there is no happiness to be had if Chan isn’t by your side. But you don’t want to have to fight for it, you don’t want either of you to suffer, you don’t want Chan to be driven away from you by people who don’t understand and don’t value him for who he is. You want your love to be accepted, to openly profess your love, to marry the only person you’ve ever had eyes for.

Tears are welling in your eyes, and he can see them even in the dim moonlight. “Y/N..” he uses his free arm to reach for your face, wiping away the tears that threaten to fall with his thumb. “I’m going to marry you. No matter what I have to do, I will,” Chan tells you, voice gentle but resolute. He meant it when he said he’s never letting you go, meant it when he said he’ll always be yours and always be beside you.

He doesn’t know what the future holds– if things will come easy for you both, or if you’ll have to fight tooth and nail just to be with each other. But he knows that no matter what the answer is, he will be with you. Whether in your toughest moments or happiest, he’ll be there. Holding your hand, giving you his love, sticking with you until the end of his days.

Whether it’s tomorrow, months, or even years from now, he’ll be your husband. You’ll be the one he shares his life with, the one he starts a family with, the one he sees every morning and every night. He’ll hold you close, starting your days with ‘I love you’s’ and ending them with the same, giving you all he has to give. 

“No matter what happens, we’ll get through it together, okay? I love you so much,” Chan says and you nod, a soft smile on your face as you wipe your eyes and lay your head back down against him. “Love you, Channie.” He kisses your head softly, urging you to relax, to fall asleep, and not worry about what could be, but indulge in what is.

Indulge in the love you share, the feeling of closeness as you lie together in his bed, the sound of his heartbeat in your ear and his gentle reassurances. He’ll still be here when you wake up, will keep you in his arms, holding you close and making sure you know how much he adores you, how much he loves you. Because no matter what the future brings, you still have this moment. You still have each other.

[dollarstoreartsupplies]

okay so i keep thinking about this post that i made about a polywagon soulmates au where they have eachother's birthdays on their arms (including hermie's like... three years ago and 1912) and im not gonna write it but i AM gonna think about how differently the teens would handle it

Taylor:

taylor would be SO thrilled, he thinks it makes him extra like an anime protaganist to have not only four soulmates, but also one long dead soul mate (perhaps the SAME soulmate, thats been reincarnated to the youngest soulmate, god thats such an ANIME PLOTLINE--)

he shows them off, and knows at the very least about normal from when they hung out as little kids, but anytime someone asks if he knows who they are he just mysteriously goes 'heh'

hangs out with normal a lot more pre-canon, considers him his main "sidekick"

when he was little his mom tried to explain that the two weird dates were sort of common, and that sometimes soulmates can be platonic, sometimes they don't cross paths time-wise, etc, but he literally could not give less of a shit he thinks it's COOL

Normal:

normal is so excited!! he has FOUR soulmates!! four!! so many people are destined to love him as foretold by the UNIVERSE!!

lark 100% has tried to disillusion him on the whole thing (the other kiddads know about link, especially after their kids were born with a soulmark dating back to the TITANIC and grant had to come clean) but it didn't really work

he knows about taylor from when they were little kids, and he ABSOLUTLEY hunted down a school directory with everyone's birthdays to try and find everyone else, so he knows about scary, he's just waiting for her to bring it up first

very clingy to taylor pre-canon and definitly annoys scary trying to get her to hang out with them

he's a firm believer in being able to have More Soulmates than just your soulmark, so from pretty early on he's really trying to manifest hermie and link into also being his soulmates (and is SO EXCITED to find out he's right)

Link:

sad boy :( he thinks that taylor and normal are HIS soul mates but he isn't either of theirs :(

his dads definitely just chose the day they found him to be his birthday since they don't know exactly when he was born, so not only does the year of the 1912 soulmark not match, but his birthday doesn't even either

grant is REALLY worried about link getting found out as a Titantic Baby/trying to keep him safe that he actually actively decides to go the most upsetting approach by telling link basically that sometimes it happens where soulmates don't match up perfectly

marco isn't really for THAT, and tries to push nontraditional soul-matches and platonic soulmate things but it's not really effective

it's part of why link is So clingy to his dads and doesn't like the idea of siblings/pets, he already is predisposed to the idea of there not being enough love to go around

he's really happy but also SO MAD after the titanic discovery

i'm trying to decide if it's funnier if hermie is his soulmate or if link is the only person who ISN'T soulmates with hermie

hermie's soul-date is replaced by fuckinnnn chris from the simulation's birthday for link hfjdkl

Scary:

when she was little she was so so so so so so so excited about soulmates, especially having FOUR

she was super sad about her presumably dead 1912 soulmate, and really hopes that they had other soulmates too that matched up with them better

kind of hopes the much younger soulmate IS a platonic soulmate so she doesn't have to wait longer to meet them

she 100% threw secret birthday parties for her soulmates when she was little

her parents weren't soulmates, but her mom and terry jr are, which just adds to her hurt and confusion when they get together

once she becomes emo TM she starts one wearing long sleeves to hide her soulmarks and claims that she doesn't HAVE any to sound edgy (even though a lot of people know that she does because like,,, a year ago she wouldn't shut up about them)

tries to deny for a really long time that her and the other teens are soulmates but when she gets doodlerized doodle-scary exposes her and shes UPSET about it

hermie:

kind of refused to acknowlege the teens are his soulmates, no matter how obvious it is

baffled when it becomes clear HIS birthday is the one on everyone elses arms but just from like,,, three years ago becuase that's not??? when he was born???

he's half convinced his soulmarks are part of some scam instead of being real and... honestly so am i

build-a-bear hermie either has no soulmarks or they're in a different place from regular hermie's, like they're not exactly... real?? and it makes it even sadder/more confusing from everyone emotionally after everything (except taylor, whose like 'idk still hermie')

bonus d00d:

idk i just want them to be included :) maybe everyone has like a random string of numbers somewhere exceedingly non traditional like their ankle that mean nothing to them until woah eldritch monstronisty yeah that would do it

they dont have soulmarks but they make themselves look like they do becuase really what is a soulmate if not the friends we made along the way

[lavender-z-love]

·˚ ༘ Assassins can fall in love too✧.*ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

Illumi Zoldyck X Black.FemReader

·˚ ༘ Genre: Fluff, Cute, kisses, jealousy (Illumi), Slight teasing (Reader).

·˚ ༘ Warnings: Pet names? And Potential spelling errors.

·˚ ༘ A/n: Hello! Finally done with this one, been in the drafts for a while couldn't finish it because of classes but I finished and ready to post! Please enjoy. The dividers do not belong to me.

·˚ ༘ Wordcount: 1k

Illumi opened the front gate, waiting for you to walk in. "You first?"

The huge fuzzy demon-oid figure right behind the door stared you down. You shivered, "U-Uh..I-Illumi-", you managed to stutter. Pointing at the thing, he blinked at you before looking at what you were scared of.

"Hm? Oh! Thats just Mike." Once again, he turns back to you, waiting for you to walk in. "I'm not going in if THAT thing is right there!" Illumi stood confused,"Is it really that scary?"

A huge beast stood tall, furry wolf like creature. Its red beady eyes, glowing.

"Yes!"

"Hm..well, I suppose- normal people's guard dogs are tiny." Illumi, placed his hand underneath his chin. Thinking of possibilities he could get you through the gate and to his home. "He wont hurt you, hes just..Ugly I suppose. But, I can send him away if you'd like?"

"You promise? That he's harmless?" Illumi gave that same emotionless stare with a simple nod. You took a deep breath and began to walk forward. Making sure to stay close to the entrance enough so where you could take off if needed. Illumi watched with curiosity. The giant Dog thing standing before you, now kneeling. You stretching out your hand for it to smell. After a few sniffs, Mike started whimpering at you. "Oh!" Just like that Mike was rolling over for you to pet him.

Your eyes completely lit up,"Aww!!" Just like that your fears disappeared from the creature. Illumi's brow raised now closing the gateway. "Oh please, you were just fearful of it-"

He watched as you gave the giant guard dog large belly rubs and kisses. "What a good baby!" Illumi watched his girlfriend become bestfriends with his guard animal. This he hadn't imagine happening. "Illumi! Can I keep him?"

The expression was starting to show on his face,"Keep him?" In all honesty, he was a little jealous. You were scared of him at first, now so quickly in love with the thing.

'She doesn't give me kisses like that...'

"Y/n, you're not taking my guard dog." Mike nudging you with his head, almost sounded like he was purring. "You are so cute!"

Illumi turned away, facing the path leading up to his family's mansion. "Beautiful, enough..Leave the thing behind and lets go." Your giggling began to calm down as you pet Mike for a final time. Mike's tail wagged as if he was waving 'goodbye' back to you. You made your way to Illumi's side. You waved back at him before running to Illumi's side.

The begining of the walk was peaceful, nice. Illumi asking you how you've been lately. After all, you both hadn't seen one another in a while due to you having to return home for a bit. He had admitted to missing being by your side lately. You thought it was cute, when he talked so sweetly to you. Sometimes he was so naive to even realize he was flirting with you. "Y/n..why do you call Mike, 'baby'"

You smile,"Cause' as mean as he looks, he acts like a baby! Every animal is cute like a baby." Illumi was curious,"All animals? You call all of them baby?"

You nod, causing Illumi to think,"What about me?"

"You?"

"Yes."

"What about you?" Illumi stops in his tracks, facing you,"Why not call me baby?" You giggled,"Is- that what you want me to call you?"

Illumi nodded as he continued to walk. Who would've thought? Illumi wanted to be called a pet name? You always thought he perfered you to call him by his name instead, so the Idea of pet names never crossed your mind. Majority of the walk was in silence, that was until your feet started to ache.

Illumi could tell, even when you kept quiet about it. "Do you want me to carry you?" He asked turning to you. "What? N-No.. surely we are almost there."

He turned to you,"Your feet are hurting aren't they? Let me carry you." You bit your lip, thinking about it.. You didn't want to trouble him but your feet were killing you– "okay..I guess."

You gave in walking behind him, but he stepped aside. "What are you-"

"I want to carry you this way",He stated, gesturing to his front side.. Looking at his face, looked like Illumi was a bit flustered. You giggle,"Of Course, if thats what you want Illumi." As you step in front of him, Illumi places his hands on your waist and your hands on his shoulders.

He gives you a small countdown to jump into his arms. You wrap your legs around him, finally getting settled into eachother's arms. Eyes locked on one another. "What a scandalous position to carry me in Illumi~",You teased.

Illumi's cheeks flushed a bit, before he looked slightly annoyed,"Its not a big deal..You're just really beautiful."

"Oh? Am I just beautiful to you? Im hurt...put me down",Still teasing him.

His grip on your waist is a bit stronger, though you were as light as a feather to him,"You're more than beautiful to me Y/n. You are Irreplaceable, Intelligent, your personality like no other–"

Illumi wasn't so good at expressing his feelings. He was still so new to it. So to you, for him to say something like this it was absolutely cute to you. "Thank you Illumi". Majority of the time Illumi was emotionless, there were rare moments when he shown emotion. Because he wasn't so good with words he made sure to show you. Fortunately, this was one of those moments. His long, rich black locks tangled between your fingers. Your hands hold his face still, pulling him closer. You kiss his cheek leaving little lipstick mark behind. You giggled, alerting Illumi. "Whats wrong?"

"Nothing~ I just got a little lipstick on your cheek." You take your thumb, before licking it then rubbing his face. "There- all gone!" Illumi, still gazing up at you. He begins walking forward as before. A slight rustling of your clothing, your back hitting something solid. "Illumi? Baby?" He silenced you with his lips.

You pull away gasping.."I-Illumi.." Once again, with you against pressed against the tree.. Gently setting you down on your feet, with one hand on your cheek, and the other on your waist. Tilting your head upward, Illumi leans in for a kiss. His soft feathery lips carressed against yours.

Taking the opportunity to stare at one another for a bit. Your fingers stroking the assassin's face, playing in his hair, taking the time to observe one another's features. Right when the two of you lean in for a kiss—

Illumi's movements were so smooth and airy. Once the both of you pull away from eachother, you pulled him into another kiss by his shirt collar. Which caused him to lose his balance. His hands reaching out before him to keep himself from crushing you, caging you in against the tree; his hands were placed on each side of you.

Pulling away, Illumi whispers lovingly to you. "Ha...So pretty–"

"Ehem..Welcome home Master Illumi.."

The two of you freeze. You push Illumi away, proping yourself up against the tree.

"T-Tsubone! Heyyy..! Oh! Miss Amane too?"

The pair just gazed at you two, Illumi dusts himself off as he got out of the bushes you'd just pushed him in. "Master Illumi, your mother is waiting for you. I recommend not keeping her waiting any longer."

"Yes", Illumi grabbed your wrist leading your wrists and leading you past the two butlers,"Next time, please refrain from interrupting Y/n and I's intimate time together."

They both bowed as you walked past them. You'd look back waving to the both of them. Now looking forward at Illumi, accidentally catching a glimpse of his flustered face. It was obvious he was embarrassed Tsubone caught the two of you on the verge of making-out.

You stop him, this grabbing his attention as you instead of his hand clasping your wrist, you intertwine fingers. You can almost see a smile pierce his face. This time you drag him along.

His eyes staring, falling in love with you again. Something about you makes him question..How could he get so lucky with a wonderful person like you? Always so outgoing, so smiley, so happy. You were what illumi needed in this world.

"I love and cherish you Y/n..Always." See? Assassins are capable of love too ♡

Written on January 18th

[crushedsweets]

Awhile back you answered an ask on how other creeps would respond to Toby's death, and I was wondering how they would respond to Kate death?

IM PUNCHING THE WALL. ALRIGHT. warning for death and grief and mourning . . .

im gonna set this after she starts staying at the proxy cabin and becoming friends with more people, rather than rotting in the mines. im also imagining they find her body in the forest, nobody was there when she died.

tim and brian would have a heavy heart about it. sure, they had massive issues with her, but even by time shes 25+, they still kinda see her as a little kid. she was 14/15 when they met her, and she acted like a feral animal till she was like 17. brian got her a job on the farm, tim helped set up a room for her. they'd help toby set up a grave, but overall they dont go out of their way to mourn her - toby has that handled

which.....guides me towards toby... they've known eachother since they were 17-19, and they are like siblings. when she was in the mines, toby would always bring her food and even dragged a whole mattress there. thats his little sister (she is older than him..) and he had always been so so so protective of her. he loses his shit, screaming and throwing shit. is never home, spends so much time at the mines. chops down random ass trees just cuz he needs to exhaust himself enough to stop feeling so much pain. it feels like losing lyra again. he sets a grave up for her, puts her body in it, carves some stuff into a wooden cross he made from a tree he cut down, lays hella rocks all over. him and nina spend a good chunk of time together. nina has never seen him cry until this. eventually, after he's gone for days, he comes back to the cabin and just rots in his bed almost catatonic. clocky has to come collect him

whiiiiiiich now brings me to clocky. she'd find out from nina, since she'd already be in her own apartment by now and tobys not gonna tell her. she'd immediately get nina, get jack, go to the cabin, and try to console toby and nina the best she(and jack) can. has to learn to bite her tongue when tobys mouthing off cuz hes mad she's trying to help. she doesnt really have time to mourn kate at first, until maybe a week goes by and tobys finally eating again and clockys just sitting there and starts bawling cuz kate was her friend too and she had to immediately go into caretaker mode.

nina. screams and cries and needs to have people with her all the time, no matter what. she doesnt feel safe alone cuz she just wants to curl up and die so so so bad. she makes toby take her to the grave(he doesnt want to but he knows kate would be pissed if he wasnt at least a little nice to nina after this) and she just sobs. she holds toby and tries to be like 'its okay its okay its okay' but neither know who shes comforting. she'd print as many pictures she got of kate as possible (not a lot) and try to scrap book it and try to memorialize her like that. just hold photos and pictures and have them in her apartment and cry. give a photo to toby with a letter written on the back telling him how much kate loved him.

similar to if toby died, jack would try to host stuff. make dinner for them all, invite them over, give everyone space to eat and remember her. he'd go with toby to the grave as well, but he's less assertive with his care compared to clocky. less 'get the fuck up, this is making you feel worse' and more 'you know you can come over right? its not good to stay home alone'. toby would come to see him a lot, too. . .

toby would have to take on a lot of her patrols, so he'd bump into ann and lulu a lot. . . ann would tease him a bit like 'ooo is katey in trouble? whyre you here, handsome?', till he smacks the shit out of her w the handle of his hatchet and he grumbles something about her death. ann would shut up after. she'd be bummed out that kates dead cuz she liked her, but not mourn. lulu wouldn't be able to process it. ann would tell her, lulu would cry, then a day later she's asking when kate's coming to visit.

i dont think anyone else would really be impacted, though... jeff/dina didnt like her, she wasnt close with ben, never even spoke to jane or liu... lazari would cry and draw pictures of her, but she'd be okay shortly after, esp cuz jacks okay.

[mrros-e]

ROTE: my incoherent rambles

whenever Burpy is ghouled/gooned/sick in the show, Eli is SO. DISTRAUGHT. or at least happy when Burpy is freed. Like, pets their head, says "hi", smiles to them, quipps a joke; something to show Burp that their human is very happy they're back.

I watched the will shane gets cured scene again, and I forgot that Burpy is also ghouled there; the shot that saved his dad also freed Burpy. And does Eli retrieve Burpy, like he usually does?

No. He immediately thinks the worst, walking up to his dad on the ground. Burpy doesn't even cross his mind. And Burpy's chill with it, hopping to will shane just like Eli did. After all, Burpy and Eli only really bonded after Will's disappearance; he obviously knows how much the man means to his son.

Its a great way to subtly hit the viewer with how big and tragic it all is. Imagine watching lightwell and ROTE back to back? Eli nearly sacrifices himself for Burpy a million times, and would again and again and again. But then his dad returns, and the fabric of time (and our understanding of the lore) changes dramatically.

So much so that, in the chaos, Eli touch-Burpy-and-I-will-kill-you Shane has bigger fish to fry that Burpy being back. Its startling to watch. It's something so small, but so impactful. It's even made more clear when Jun - who we learn in slug-fu showdown demands more time from his slugs to trust them - warmly greets Joo-Joo again, and thats the only time we ever really see that from him. and even will says "hello, old friend." and after that? Burpy isn't even ANIMATED, OR ON SCREEN for the last 5 minutes. Like Burpy isn't a main feature of the battle. thats BIZZARE. until...the promise to save his dad. Burpy retook Eli's shoulder, right next to doc.

When else do we see Eli not go above and beyond for his slugs? When others show more care for their team than he does? Never, actually.

It was just there, when he realized he still had a dad, and needed to speak to him first. He's in full "omg dad's here and alive" mode. Of course he is; but a lesser show would have had him reunite with burpy. The end of ROTE is a very harrowing slugterra watch, and its little details like this that made it so poignant. Eli's slugs took the backseat to his dad, on screen and as a part of the narrative itself, till Eli needed them again when he lost his dad for deeply sorrowful second time.

If you ever rewatch this show, keep a very close eye on burpy. What they're doing, how they react to events. Knowing the little guys been around for thousands of years and probably knows all the shane secrets makes all the little emotions fascinating. one of the best things I noticed was when Will saved eli on the ground with burpy; Burpy was growling at blakk while being shot. We havent seen him growl like that since....eli first met Dr Blakk in episode 1 of the entire show. I now see that shot as Burpy's true revenge, for that moment 5 years ago; Will got to shoot Burpy and land a hit with them on the monster who sent him to the deep caverns. Justice at last, for both of them...till, you know.

I'll leave off with one more note: in the show, especially pre-movies, Eli looks to burpy for advice constantly. It's never pointed out, but Eli always checks in: "do i tell them this?" "Is this the right move", etc. When the five of them promise, he didn't have to check. Either he didn't need a second opinion - he knew what his mission was - and/or he already assumed burpy was in agreement. I don't know if eli "grows up" during the slugterra timeline - its only a year - but he does gain more confidence in himself. And thats not him getting over past trauma or not feeling guilty over things anymore - thats on him becoming more accustomed to looking ahead instead of behind him. Like what jun said to pull him back.

If you catch me on ao3, I'm fascinated with the shows absolute hatred toward backstories. I think that's convenient for the writers, duh, but I also interperet it as a mirroring of the shane gang's attitude towards their pasts. They need to go forward, yes, but they also desperately want to move on, to make the past not matter anymore. If they were to make any actual good slugterra content again, I would like them to keep making ROTE-like stories; not even necessarily giving us complete backstories (we didn't even get that with Blakk), but having our characters contend with past events. his dad, of course, but also: Twist. dana. tom por. the goon. eli's mom. any and all lore about pronto, kord, and trixie. Any of these things returning would fit well in any plot they come up with, and continue making slugterra's fight with good and evil more and more personal to the characters. that's what slugterra exceeds at - having a plot's lore tie juuuuuuust slightly to broader slugterra history/culture and making these characters learn and face it together. If you want to make a better future, the past must be resolved.

and I think eli finally realized that at the end of ROTE, even if he spends the rest of the running show letting other missions distract him from that painful reality.

also we can be saved ch 2 is in production and i have monday off, and legend says that if you comment on my other stories my depression will lesson and i can actually produce content again thanks yall i love this fandom :)

[hyugaruma]

hii, I have a request could you write something about Binzo x f reader

something where he'll be a bit awkward (cause thats how I think he should be haha)

anything you want Im sorry I dont have much ideas

I love your writing keep going !!

Meet-Cute (Binzo x Reader)

♡

re: you meet a strange guy on the subway… he’s not so bad

i wholeheartedly agree, i think binzo would be an awkward doof, but also a bit too honest for his own good. thanks for requesting!!

♡

You could feel his eyes on you, boring into you like some animal. You tried your best to ignore it, opting to pretend to scroll through your phone as he sat directly across from you on the subway. Every time you would look up to try to catch him in the act, his eyes would frantically dart away as if he hadn’t been staring you down for the past five minutes. Your better judgment should’ve told you to be worried about some strange man’s eyes being so keen on you, but something about the way he twiddled with his thumbs so anxiously, or haphazardly drew his hand through his messy hair, made you feel like he wasn’t a threat. Strange, sure, but threatening? You didn’t think so.

You glanced back up again, and again his eyes flickered away quickly. He looked wild, untamed, but somehow equally as shy and awkward. You watched as his tongue poked out from the corner of his mouth as he pretended to read the advertisement displayed above your head. You wondered if he even knew how to read, because his eyes certainly didn’t seem like they were actually focusing on any of the words.

You slowly tucked your phone away into your pocket. If this was a game he wanted to play, you could play it too. So, you decided to stare back at him while he pretended to be preoccupied. You could tell by the way he was starting to fidget that he could feel your gaze on him, saw it from the corner of his eyes. It was making him nervous. You leaned forward, propping your elbow on your knee and letting your chin rest in your palm. Now you were making it obvious. Served him right for doing the same to you.

His leg started to bounce, and he turned his head to pretend to stare between the throngs of people standing in the subway carriage. A hand came up to nervously scratch at his neck. But you didn’t let up. You would make him acknowledge you. As you casually watched him, you couldn’t help but notice that despite his wildness, he was actually kind of cute. Like, in the way one might think a rabid squirrel is still cute despite its savage nature. You almost laughed at the thought, biting it back, but still allowing a smile to draw upon your lips.

It seemed he couldn’t take it anymore, your smile not managing to escape his attention, and he finally looked back to you, your gazes meeting. You gave a little wave. “I couldn’t help but notice that you keep staring at me,” you said. “I thought it was only fair that I should get the chance too.”

He swallowed thickly and tried clearing his throat. He opened his mouth once, decided against whatever he was going to say, and shut it. He contemplated, fingers wrenching at a frayed string from his jean jacket. He stared at you hard for another moment before finally speaking. “Oops.”

Oops? You couldn’t help but chuckle at his response. He was weird, that was for sure. A bit endearing, though. “What’s your name?”

He pointed to himself incredulously, like he had no idea why you would want to be bothered with knowing his name. “Me?” He asked.

You nodded, leaning back in your seat again and crossing your arms over your chest. The overhead comm system dinged as the subway screeched at the arrival of a stop, “Toarushi,” it announced. “Next stop: Nagata.” He didn’t move, and neither did you. The train doors closed, and it was off again.

“Ah, um…” he cleared his throat again. “Miyauchi. You can call me Binzo. If you want.”

“Binzo? Do you want me to call you Binzo?”

He nodded vigorously, some of his anxiety seemingly dissipating at the casual conversation. “Er… What’s yours?”

You responded with your name, and a wide, upbeat smile overtook his face. You felt your heart jump at the sight of it. Okay, maybe kind of cute had been an understatement. There was definitely something novel about him that seemed to draw you in. The next stop was yours, so you wanted to get in as much conversation with him as possible before it was time for you to depart. “So?”

He tilted his head, waiting for you to continue.

“So,” you repeated. “Why were you staring at me?”

His eyebrows shot up, as if it was an obvious question that shouldn’t have even necessitated his answering. Like he couldn’t imagine why you even needed to ask. “Because you’re pretty,” he answered, leaning forward slightly. “Is it okay? If I look at you?”

Your face suddenly became very hot. Now it was your turn to be the nervous mess. But, you hadn’t expected him to answer so bluntly. Usually guys would walk their way around things, try to not-so-subtly subtly let you know that they were attracted to you. But this? This was a new way of flirting, certainly. Though, it didn’t really feel like he was trying to flirt with you, more so just being strikingly honest. “Well, you can look at whatever you want to look at,” you said. “I can’t stop you.”

“I’ll stop if you want.” His earnest eyes bored into you now just as intensely as they had before.

You felt your palms start to sweat. “I don’t mind,” you replied, trying to be equally as honest but finding it hard to stay as unaffected as he was. You shifted in your seat, trying to somehow find the high ground in the conversation again. “Do you normally stare at people you think are pretty?”

“No,” he answered, crudely sticking a finger into his ear and giving it a dig. You almost snorted. “Not normally.”

“Just something you thought you’d try out?” You joked.

He looked at you seriously as he slowly stuffed his hands into the pockets of his denim jacket. He looked like he was contemplating your question. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone as pretty as you.”

This time you couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, I appreciate it. You’re not so bad yourself.”

You took note of the almost indiscernible pinkness that erupted over his neck at your words. Now it was his turn to shift in his seat, his foot ticking like it so badly wanted to start tapping anxiously at the floor. You could tell he was having trouble with responding, so you decided to bail him out by continuing. “When’s your stop, by the way?”

“Uh… The one we just left?”

You gawked at him. “You mean, you missed your stop?”

A grin split his face again. “You were talking to me.” He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “It’ll come back around.”

You would have facepalmed if not for how endearing his blatant earnestness was. This guy was like no one you had ever met before. Though, you couldn’t help but to feel similarly to him. The blur of familiar buildings from beyond the subway windows told you that your stop was coming up. And yet, you didn’t want to stop talking to the oddball in front of you. “You didn’t have to miss your stop for me,” you said. “It’s not like we won’t talk again.”

“Huh?” He craned his head to the side, bewilderment on his face.

You smiled as you dug your phone out from your pocket, unlocking it and reaching across the aisle to hand it to him. His head remained cocked as he eyed your phone curiously. It was clear he hadn’t the slightest idea as to what you were insinuating. You rolled your eyes. “I’m asking for your number,” you clarified.

His eyes widened as they flashed back and forth between you and the phone. “Huh?” He said again.

You huffed. “So we can talk again? If you’d like?” The train began gradually screeching to a halt, having finally reached your stop. You started to pull your hand with the phone back as you spoke. “But, if you’re not interested—“

Just as the words started leaving your mouth, Binzo’s hand shot out and snatched your phone from yours with such an excitable ferocity that it almost startled you. “Yes!” He blurted, like he was afraid you’d change your mind. He started childishly one-finger tapping at your phone to put his number in, intense concentration on his face. “I didn’t think you’d be interested, is all,” he quietly muttered, more so to himself than anything, but the words still reached your ears.

The subway came to a stop as he finished putting his number in your phone, handing it back your way. You couldn’t help but notice the way his hand shook slightly. Purposefully, you grazed your fingers against his palm as you took the phone from him. He dazedly looked down at his hand where you had touched him.

You laughed as you stood up, his gaze snapping back up to meet yours. The subway doors opened with a shrill squeak, as if announcing your departure. You sent Binzo a soft smile and a wink, making him go pink again. Oh, you could get used to this. “I am very interested,” you said over your shoulder, crossing the threshold to exit. “See you next time. It’s a date.”

The doors closed, just in time for you to hear Binzo’s voice echo from inside. “Huh?!”

[sugar-sweets-fanfic]

⚘gı∂єση ⛌ ƒєм!яєα∂єя

Warning(s)- 𝟭𝟴+, sex, p in v, no protection.

Prompt- Met in Hollywood on set. You were a makeup artist on set. Making sure he looked close to the actor he was doing stunts for (more so actresses). You two began to date. He even dragged you into the plan against his dad. You mainly follow due to really liking him. Though meeting his dad made you realize why he was so against him. Especially the way his dad judged you for your tattoos and live choices. Though the rest of them you rather enjoyed. After that entire mess. You stayed with Gideon. But you two haven't done much. Kissing;yes. Anything else, nope. Maybe tonight would be a different night.

//Border by - @enchanthings

clink...cliNK......clINK. You jump up and inspect your bedroom window. You see Gideon in the bushes. A snarky grin grows across your face. You unlock and pull open your window. "Y'know the rock throwing thing works better if I had a second floor bedroom, right?" You place your elbow against the windowsill. Resting your chin in your palm. Eyeing him with a half-lid gaze.

Gideon stands up straight and walks forward three feet. Meeting you at the window. He looked a tad flustered. "W-Well, I just.. was trying to be romantic." He chuckled awkwardly. "Thats what they do in those movies." He moves in to embrace you.

You instantly hug him back. Soon helping him crawl in. Before shutting the window after. "I'm surprised. After your dad found out about us.. he seemed pretty cross." You lean back against the window. Watching as he sits down on your bed.

Gideon grabs your teddy bear. Giving you a playful look as he fiddles with the plush. "He'll come around. He can be over dramatic." He murmured, shrugging his shoulders. Setting the stuff animal aside.

"Yeah.. I can certainly see that." You snort. Waltzing over in a silly fashion. Overly swaying your hips. Strutting yourself until you make it over to him. Earning a few soft giggles from Gideon. "But I can handle all his..interesting insults." Your hands settle on his shoulders. As you recount mr.gemstone calling you a 'inked up freaky gutter whore'. Which only made you laugh at the time. Even now made you little chuckle to yourself.

Though Gideon cringed thinking about the awful things his dad said to you. He leans back a touch. His arms shift further behind himself. Leaning back against his palms. His body shudders to the slightest touch you give him. "I'm sorry... I'll make sure to talk to him. I really hate when he looks down at you. You're...—he doesn't see you the way I do. You're fucking awesome in so many ways. Funny, talented, smart, clever..." His words trail off. As he feels you straddle his lap. Causing his body to tense. His pale cheeks, splattered with brown freckles. Soon turn a deep pinkish red. Flush with passionate feels that he hasn't quite experienced before.

"Thanks..Gids. That means a lot to me. But don't apologize. It's not your fault." Your hands slip up the sides of his neck. Cupping his face, that slowly grew warmer. "..fuck you're beautiful." You whisper under a sigh. Admiring every detail of his face. His lashes, olive shaped eyes, and all those soft features. Leaning in to fill the void between them. You press your lips against his. He happily kisses back. As you two silently share soft, yet deep smooches. Faint sounds of your lips collisions fill the room. Little moans and breaths echo between.

His arms grew weak, failing to keep his body secure. He let the two of you gently fall. His back hitting the mattress. You stay safely ontop of him. Being gifted the hug of his arms. That wrap around you snug. Strands of your hair falls against his face. As you two exchange light dips of one another's tongue. Gideon tilts his head to the side. Granting you better access to his mouth. "Fuck..—sorry. I know we can't." You pull back. Sitting up on him. Your body shivering with heat.

"Can't what?"

"...uhh—W..Well, have..sex.."

"...o—OH! Yeah! Uhhh.. why not?"

You laugh awkwardly, "Won't your parents banish you or something? I mean, I really don't want to mess things up for you more. I care too much. I know you care too. How much you love your family and care about religious parts of it too."

"..they don't have to know. Plus, I only want you. I..I really really like you. Maybe even more. You make me feel special. You make me feel good. You care about more than just me. You care about all the things I like and my ambitions too." He smiles brightly up at you.

Now it's you that's blushing wildly. Your body felt like it was floating. Butterflies in your stomach. "..Gideon. I love you too." You bite your bottom lip. Your hands cover your face. Feeling all giddy with emotions.

"Oh thank goodness! I was afraid to say it. But yeah! Y..Yeah! I love you! I love you t-too!" He chirped eagerly. His face still rather pink. "So in my eyes.. I don't see what difference it makes if you have a ring on or not. I just..want you."

"I feel the same. I mean.. yeah in the future..possibly. but right now...", you lean back down to kiss him a few more times. "..I just want you too..Gids." You brush some of your loose hair behind your ear. So it isn't in his face.

Gideon stares at you in awe. "..is it not natural..", he starts to unbutton his shirt with one hand. "..to want someone you love? I've never been so sure of something before." His voice so hushed. It was like silk. Making your mood grow more needy. Not to mention seeing more and more of his bare chest. You sit up, using the hairband on your wrist. Putting your unruly locks in a pony. Getting back close to him. Your lips peppering his chest with kisses. His shoulders smile at the tingling sensation it blessed him. Gideon sighed as he loosely held you.

You decide to kiss up his neck. Your kisses quickly becoming heavy. Suckling against his skin rather roughly. Your hips start to shift. Gently humping against him. His hold on your tightens.

"Ff..—ʏ/ɴ..! Ahnn.."

You stop instantly, looking him in the eye. "Sorry! I—too far? I don't want you to be uncomfortable.." you murmur.

"No...I-Im okay, heh.. just never been so intimate. We can..keep going. If you still want to." His hands caress your arms.

You smile, "yeah.. I want to. Just tell me if you want me to stop." You kiss his lips.

He kisses you back, feeling you start to dry hump him once more. Gideon slips his hands down. Holding your hips as you ride him. You two keep a good eye contact. As you move faster. One of your hands grip the sheets next to his head. The other slips carefully against his neck. His brows curve upwards. A look of submission spreads across his face. Soft moans are exchanged between you two. You can feel it grow hard. Your lips part as shakey breaths leave you. Thoroughly enjoying every second of this.

"I need you inside me." You purr.

"Please..I—I'd like that."

"..you wanna be on top?"

He chuckles awkwardly, "what if I'm bad?"

"Mmmmmmm...I severely doubt it. I bet you'll make me see stars.." you sit up, playfully pressing harder against his erection. Seeing him react to it. You pull your shirt off over your head. Tossing it against Gideon's face.

"Hey..!" He jokes with you. Removing the shirt from his face. His face still sporting a nice peachy tone.

You couldn't help, but feel this odd moment. You surely thought he would checking you out. But his eyes still stayed hooked to yours. You ache harder for him. Soon getting off of him. Removing your bottoms.

He sits up and watches you. "..what if I..hurt you? I don't wanna hurt you."

You were only in your underwear at this point. Before moving back over to him. Leaning against his side. You press a kiss against his cheek. "You won't. If I feel too uncomfortable..I'd let you know." You smile softly.

"Promise?" He whispers to you.

"Promise.." you whisper back.

The two of you start to kiss heavily once more. He unbuckles his belt. Getting his pants off. The sound of it makes you instictually squeeze your thighs together. Though he soon ends up on top of you. His lips begin to wonder down your neck. "Mmm..take it all off." You beg of him. As you squirm underneath him. Removing your underwear. So you could properly invite him between your legs.

Gideon felt 𝒘𝒆𝒂𝒌 by your words. He quickly obeys and gets the remaining clothes off. Taking the invitation to get closer. He felt it, how heated you were down there. "Sh..should I put on pro-protection?" He whimpered softly. His own nether regions aching with just, or not more, need.

You cup his face, "Please no. I just want you. All of you. In me." Your hands slip around. So your fingers can bury themselves in his hair.

"O-Oh...Okay." He smiled shyly. Giving you a lighter peck on the lips. He glances down your body. Using his hand to try to aim himself in. "Heh...sorry Its difficult to see." He murmured awkwardly.

You let out a giggle. Reaching down to help guide him. Biting your bottom lip as you touch his shaft. Once you felt his tip press against your entrance. You remove your hand. Holding onto his shoulder. Your other hand gripping onto his locks.

As his hips slowly push into yours. You feel that discomfort of pressure. As you adjust to his size. Gideon shuddered by the tight fit. His body experienced a whole different sensation. It felt so warm and heavenly. "Ahhnn...ahhh..hh. wow. A-Are you okay?"

You nod lightly, "Yes. It just feels a little uncomfortable. But it'll feel better soon. Don't worry Gideon. Just be slow for now.."

"Of course." He kisses your forehead a few times. Trying his best to comfort you.

His hips start to move nice and slow. Just as you wanted. Your thighs squeeze against his hips. As he plants an arm against the mattress. The other hand caressed one of your hips. Further trying to sooth you. You helpless grab at his bicep. Whining soft at each pump he gifted you. Gideon moaned softly in harmony with you. You felt yourself grow more and more aroused. "Fuck..harder. please." You murmur. Your legs finally relax, opening more. To give him some extra freedom.

"Yeah? You want it harder?" He asked in a playful manner. Rolling his hips harder against yours. Moving faster, causing the bed to creak. You two grow louder making such lewd sounds together. You wrap your arms around the back of his neck. "Oh baby..! You're doing so g..nnn..goOD!" You cry out.

"You feel fuckin good.. Mm! I'm gonna cum..I'm gonna fucking cum y/n!!" His voice shakey with need.

Your legs wrap around his waist tightly. "Oh my god.. please. Please Gideon. I need y..yhh..you.." You cry softly. Still hugging onto him tightly. As he slowly embraced you too.

"Damn..you..—y-you want me to do it.. ahhh..i-in..side of yo..hhnn-you?" He gritted his teeth. Trying his best to hold back. Wanting to make sure it's what you wished.

You start to buck your hips needily. "Yes Gideon! Yes! Cum baby!" You moan sharply.

You both start to hump wildly against one another. Thrusting and bucking both of your hips. Gideon's thrusts more rapid and sloppy. Sloppier as his climax grows closer. Until he finally jams as deep as he can get. Feeling that pleasant snap in his stomach. Pumping his seed into you. As he lets out such a heavenly sigh of relief.

Your mouth agape, feeling a warm rush gush inside of you. Your core tightens and releases as you hit your peak. Gideon let's out a soft, breathless chuckle. His eyes full of hase. "Did you..uhh just..cum too?" His voice trembled. Feeling a touch shy to ask.

You nod as you wrap a leg around his waist. "Yes. I think I made a mess." You giggle weakly.

He shared a laugh with you. Embracing you and showering you with kisses. You add a few kisses of your own. You brush your fingers through his hair. Admiring his glistening face. His eyes so beautiful to gaze upon. "I'm gonna marry you one day, baby." You cooed. Causing Gideon to blush heavily. "Y-Yeah? Are ya? You wanna be a Gemstone?" He asked in a playful manner.

You thought about his wild family. Humming softly to yourself in thought. "They are pretty interesting—that family of yours. But I know I wanna be yours...and I want you to be mine." You smile. Gideon seemed to be happy with that response. Leaning in to properly kiss your lips. You eagerly kiss him back. "I love you...y/n." He murmurs against your lips. "I love you too."

[dragon-queen21]

this is a spur of the moment, no plannings going into this one because im not doing very well but shhh!!!!

(first off, im sorry i didnt say something sooner, ive been seeing your concerning posts lately. are you okay? seriously? i dont know if this is a line im crossing but if you want i could drop my blog if you ever need to vent. im sorry if thats too much i don’t understand things like this sometimes, but i genuinely hope your okay.)

but i wanna speak about lil sanji real bad, because i had a dream i was little and ive been having a lot of ideas about him lately and i need to project. also in honor of the sanji fan zine thats coming out (and that im totally not considering buying for 85 dollars as a early birthday gift) (or late since it ships in march lol)

- um idk i feel like hes a quiet little, especially before the crew found out he was a regressor, he doesnt really wanna talk, he just wants to be around someone. like i can see him pre coming out finishing like lunch or something and coming out and just sitting with nami and robin and theyre like “hello sanji kun do you need anything?” only to be confused when he doesnt start twirling like a love sick school girl.

^ or him going up to zoro PEACEFULLY and just plopping down and zoros fighting DEMONS not to say something brash and ruin the moment because sanjis clearly not in the mood, or if he looked close enough, not in the right headspace to deal with a attitude

-or even post coming out i imagine him just making everyone take a turn in holding him, not like pick up holding just. in the aquarium or something sitting on someones lap holding him close. give my guy some comfort PLEASE

- has one specific stuffed animal he keeps with him all the time. like first thing he asks for when hes tiny, f pacis, f sippys, give him his STUFFIE!!!!!!!!! youll never guess what it is (its a fish)

- i know a lot of people say sanji woukd be scared of the bigger members of the crew, and i so agree with that, but BUT the bigger members of the crew holding sanji like a actual baby? proportionally hes closer to the size of one if their hands

- no thoughts in this guys head, its just straight static. when hes younger, he has to like actually try to force two coherent thoughts together. i dont know he regresses really little a lot of the time, id say he stays closer to babyspace/toddlerspace than anything on the older side (he has so much trauma to work through)

ok im done im really sad so im gonna go to something productive to not. be sad byeebywwbyewww

📷

Thank you. I am just… having a time of it right now. People are… cruel, we’ll just leave it at that. And no your not crossing any line, if anything your words warmed my heart. I’m doing alright. Not the best not the worst just, fine.

I’m sorry you’re going through things as well :< We can suffer and be sad together <3

~~~

~I’ve seen talk about that zine floating around. 85 dollars is a lot but it would be fun to get.

Let me know if you do get it!

~“twirling like a love sick school girl.”

<- okay that made me chuckle. I can imgine there were so many alarm bells going off in their head. And maybe the just think that “oh Sanji’s… quiet”

~Zoro just aggressively chomping down on his sword and training to keep himself from saying something he knows will be stupud and unhelpful. And Sanji just seems so… soft and Zoro is like 95% sure this is some horrible mistake

~Attention starved. He’s just attention starved. Give the baby cuddles

~I’m quite partial towards the head canon of Zoro buying him a stuffed turtle. Sanji looking back and forth between Zoro and the plush before declaring “moss.” With no other explanation. Is that the plushes name? Is he just saying Zoro’s name? Who knows, certainly not Zoro.

~See I’m telling you. Caregiver Franky + babyspace Sanji. Just kdbjdbd best duo. (I just really really love cg Franky)

[icypenguin]

☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ It’s not her?

HEY GUYSSSIJHSIHSJOHS im finally uploading heehe ill upload for tomorrow and sunday too :D btw this will take place in modern au! reader is a female (sorry T-T) and i suppose its hurt/comfort so enjoyyy!

note: [f/a]: favourite animal

☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

prom was coming soon, everyone was excited ofcourse. you looked at lyney who was poking his lunch food. he looked lost in thoughts which is very odd. “hey lyney? you okay?” you tried talking to him but he didn’t budge. “lyneyyy?” you tried to call out for him again. but no response. “LYNEYYY!” he finally noticed your calling. “huh- oh” he looked at you with a straight face. “hey.. what’s wrong? you seem.. um idk, worried?” you looked at him with worried eyes. he’s never been like this before. “whaaat?! no way! ofcourse i’m not, i’m the brave and charming lyney!” he added a wink at the end. you chuckled at his response but then back to seriousness. “okay okay quit the joke, what’s wrong?” “nothing’s wrong y/n everything is fine!” he forced a smile on his face. you know you can’t really do anything else so you went with the flow.

“fine.. anyway, have you got someone in mind for prom?”. he placed a finger on his chin “mm i guess so…” a grin was added to his face. you didn’t know how to react, worried, glad, happy, sad, frustrated? “OOO who is ittt?!” you tried to act like you were excited but at the bottom of your heart, you were worried. your heart beated fast for him to say his answer. badum badum badum.. “hmmm… i can’t tell youuu! it’s a suprise ofcourse, just wait~” he winked again and now starting to eat his lunch.

you knew this was going to be his answer so you rolled your eyes and acted like you didn’t care. well, you didn’t want to look like you’re desperate for him because you think he’ll probably make fun of you anyway. well, the thought hurts you. “whatever i don’t care anyway” you tried acting cool and stuff. lyney hearing your response, it hurts him. he thought you’ll well- idk? beg for him to reveal the answer. but he’s not ready to say it anyway.

the bell rang, you both got ready to head to class again. “what do you have next?” you asked while you cleaned up your food. “bwiowogwe-“ “what?” you looked at him, his mouth was full of food. he looked like a chipmunk with nuts full in its mouth. you giggled at him, he always got his ways to make you laugh. “lyney! what do you think you’re doing?” you chuckle again. he tried to chew his food down but ofcourse it was tough so he mixed it with some water (idk if u think thats gross or what but u understand right? thats lyney).

after 3 minutes he finally swallowed all of the food in his mouth. “i have biology next” he answered like nothing happened. you chuckled again and smiled “great! we have the same class. now let’s hurry up!” you both quickly ran into the classroom because you were already late 5 minutes.

there you finally arrived and as you open the door, all eyes were on you both. “lyney, y/n, why are you both late? and together?” miss clorinde crossed her arms as she looked at you both. you looked at eachother blushing a bit. “my foot got stuck and y/n had to help me” lyney covered it up confidently. you went with the flow because is they know the truth its well- silly. “alright, if you’re both late again i’ll make you stand on one leg at the front” she declared, then she made a hand sign for you to sit on your desk.

there’s no desk side-by-side thats empty so you decided to sit next to lynette at the corner. lyney sat next to lumine at the middle. through the class, you kept looking at lyney and lumine as they both were passing notes. now, you’re sure he’s asking her out for prom.

the bell rang and you packed your bags. when you looked around, lyney was already gone. ‘oh he’s probably already with lumine’ you thought. but you noticed that he left his notebook in his desk. you searched for him and spotted him in the school garden… with lumine. he was holding a bouquet and a [f/a] plushie in his other hand. you knew he knows your favourite animal, but why give it to lumine? was he playing with you this whole time? was he just using you? the passing notes made sense then.

tears were starting to form in your eyes. you couldn’t hold it anymore and ran to your dorm. you didn’t care whoever was seeing you. your heart was broken. you went to your dorm and huddled up on your bed, letting all the tears out. you looked to the frame on your bedroom with a picture of you and lyney at a carnival together. you threw the picture on the carpet and cried silently. after some minutes lynette, your dorm mate, came in, “y/n?” she knocked on your door. “w-what?!” you continued crying. you didn’t care if lynette sees you crying, she’s been your bestfriend since you were a kid.

lynette opens the door to your room carefully and saw you huddled up on the bed. “oh y/n.. what happened?” she asked you in a worried tone. “i-i saw lyney asking lumine to prom! i mean.. what was i thinking? it’s obvious that lumine is better, smarter, prettier, sweeter, nicer, lovelier-“ “y/n.” lynette looked at you with a straight look. “lyney is waiting for you” “well- he probably wants to talk to me about lumine accepting him” you choked out a sob. “no.. no he doesn’t. please just see him okay?” she wiped the remaining tears from your face. you didn’t know what could possibly convince you to see him but a piece inside you told you to.

so you standed up, not caring if you look bad. and went to the door and as you open it, lyney is there holding the bouquet and the [f/a] plushie that he was holding infront of lumine. you were confused. “in a garden- wait y/n what’s wrong? have you been crying?” lyney got worried as he saw your puffy eyes. “what are you doing lyney? i saw you asking lumine out for prom..” tears were starting to form in your eyes again, and you hate it. they were starting to drop. “w-what y/n it’s not what it looks like. please dont cry” he tried to comfort you. “what do you like it’s not what it looks like?! you clearly asked lumine to prom and i bet she accepted you!” you were starting to cry again. “n-no wait hear me out! it was just a practice. the person i wanted to ask out to prom i-is you. i wanted to make eveyrhting perfect so i ddi a practice with lumine”. after hearing lyney, your tears stopped. “w-wait.. so you weren’t asking her out?” “no, ofcourse not, she likes that childe guy anyway- now may i do my thing?” you felt relieved to hear this.

you chuckled and nodded. “being clever as ever, sitting in a field with a bee. to the sweetest girl ever, will you go to prom with me?” he smirked at the end. you giggled at this and replied “ofcourse! ofcourse ofcourse ofcourse!” you hugged him vigorously and he gave you the bouquet and plushie. “aww you knew my fav animal!” you looked at the [f/a] plushie and the beautiful bouquet. “ofcourse, i’m a loyal one” he grinned. you blushed a bit and hugged him again. “you’re the best lyney” you gave him a supeise kiss on the cheek, now it was his turn to blush. lynette watching from afar, is delighted by the sight.

☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

thankyou sooo much for reading! im sorry if its too long hehe… ill post tomorrow and sunday as well. advices are accepted, thankyouuu!

[lostonehero]

Selkie Martin fic

He isn't a seal though pt1

Martin nearly jumps, feeling a hand on his shoulder. "I uh.... oh, Sasha, I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

Sasha sighs and motions to the breakroom. "Can we talk?"

Martin swallows and nods, ignoring the odd glance from Tim. He grabs his coat and holds it close to his chest. It didn't really matter anymore, but it was a comfort.

"Martin, what is up with you?" Sasha crosses her arms after she shuts the door behind her. "You've been acting weird since Jon and Tim returned your coat, which again the only reason Jon came is because me and Tim pressured him. Did Jon not apologize? Is that why you've been avoiding the both of them?"

Martin let's out a breath, of course Sasha would notice. He hugs his coat around himself. He didn't want to lie to Sasha. He really didn't want to... fuck it he needed someone to talk to and he couldn't ask Elias he hasn't found his skin yet. "I uh please don't scream."

"Martin, why would I scream?" Sasha raised her brow.

"Ok, you know what selkies are? Ok, yeah, but you don't believe they exist, and well, they do, and uh... this is my skin." Martin holds up his coat for a moment before he puts it on, and suddenly, the cramped breakroom was even more cramped. He was a massive wolf the size of a horse, and vaguely, he knew the species of animal he was supposed to be extinct.

Sasha blinked and blinked again. "Martin?" Her voice was quiet and full of just awe and shock.

The wolf contorts, and Martin pulls off his coat. "I uh yeah, so Jon and Tim returned my skin."

"Uh huh..." Sasha pauses as her mind catches up with her shock. She starts to laugh and then stops watching Martin's face drop. "Oh shit that's real isn't it."

Martin nods. "Sasha, I'm married to both of them. I don't even know what I should do. I've already tried to figure this out, Tim doesn't believe in selkies or at the very least he thinks it's a tragedy they exist and Jon shouted me out of his office when I tried to bring up selkies told me I was daft and that I shouldn't believe everything I read." He covers his face. "I also can't ask Elias because he doesn't have his skin, and it's very rude to discuss this with another who is missing their skin."

Sasha takes a deep breath. "Ok, now that you've completely changed my worldview, you drop the bomb that Elias isn't human!"

"I uh right... I mean, I can't tell you what animal he is, but he is a selkie. We can sense each other well is more animalistic than that, but uh yeah, he is." Martin frowns. "Before you ask, it is customary for younger selkie to help the older ones if their skins are missing or damaged, as long as the skin isn't burned, we are still selkies. The helping out helps with pack bonding, and such it's easier to survive if there's more of you. You know the odd cases of different species of animals forming packs yeah thats most likely selkies. Two of the same animal species doesn't exactly promise the offspring of the same species."

"I have like a million questions from that information alone. However Martin are you ok? Does it uh hurt?" Sasha frowns calming herself down.

"Hurt? Marriage doesn't hurt, but I mean, again, it's probably different than what you consider marriage. I uh don't mind it. I just don't know how to tell them. It does get a bit uncomfortable if I'm out of my skin for more than a day or two. I normally put it on when I get home." Martin rubs his arm. "I uh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just dropped this all on you."

Sasha shakes her head. "Don't Martin, it's ok. Look, this is a lot, and I have so many questions, but thank you for trusting me with this. Can you come over after work so we can actually talk about this?"

Martin nods. "Yeah... thank you again, Sasha."

.......

Sasha pauses, watching Martin make a face at the tea she made him. "If it's not good, you can tell me."

Martin sighs. "I'm not good with sweet drinks and food. My wolf body can't taste sweets, and my human body overcompensates." He places the mug down. "It's not your fault. I'm just a bit sensitive."

Sasha scribbles something down in her notebook. "Ok ok ok duly noted. That explains why you always refuse sweets from Tim."

"I like chocolate, just dark chocolate." Martin smiles sheepishly. "I uh you have questions, and I think I have answers. I mean, I get this from my dad's side. My mom isn't helpful she trapped him by stealing his skin, and I uh am a product of that. My dad isn't bad he's quite nice and lives up in Scotland. My mom... I would rather not talk about that, though." He rubs the back of his neck.

Sasha frowns. "So that part of the legend is true?"

"The stolen skin forced servitude? Yeah, it is." Martin sighs. "I mean, I'm not at risk anymore since I'm married. If someone tries to steal it, it would just appear with either Tim or Jon. In the modern day, it's more often selkies get accidently married to kind strangers or coworkers because they return what they think is a coat." He motions vaguely to himself. "I'm in that situation."

"Are you ok with that?" Sasha bites her lip, regretting the question.

"I can't exactly change it or get out of it." Martin sighs. "I'm happy neither if them took my skin, but still, I'm bound to both of them now. I'm not a servant, so silver linings, I guess." He shrugs.

"So off that morbid discussion." Sasha tries to joke, but it falls flat. "Right, uh, do you have a different lifespan, I mean, different from your species or humans."

"Oh yes." Martin hums softly. "Our lifespan can be compared to dragons, although the older selkies tend to spend time more so as animals than humans. I'm considered a baby at 29, and technically, so is Elias, we really aren't considered adults in our species until we're well in the mid hundreds."

Sasha blinks. "I'm sorry, first dragons exist?" She watches Martin nod. "And you're expected to live for a few thousand years?"

"Yes? I mean, I know it's a lot. I was raised human, not really understanding it until I actually sought out my father at 21. I think I'm still in the denial phase. I also think Jon and Tim are going to live as long as me because of the marriage thing, but I'm not certain I have to ask my dad or Elias once I find his skin." Martin pauses. "A lot of supernatural creatures exist, Sasha. we don't live in a vacuum." He stops. "I'm sorry that was rude."

Sasha chuckles softly. "Martin, it's ok. We are both new to this, I mean more so me than you."

Martin smiles. "You're right."

"Ok, I have like so many more questions, but most pressing, wanna order food?" Sasha giggles as Martin nods.

"Please." Martin sighs.

......

"So, Sasha, huh?" Tim wiggles his brows at Martin.

"What?" Martin blinks.

Tim snickers. "It's ok, marto, you can tell old Tim everything."

Martin pauses, realizing what Tim meant and stutters and gasps. "N-no? Sasha's aromantic... I uh..."

Sasha crosses her arms. "Martin, that was a secret."

Tim stops and frowns. "Shit, Sash, I'm sorry. I was just teasing, I'll forget I heard anything."

"No, no, no." Sasha pulls her chair between them. "I might as well explain why I basically shut down anything after our one night stand."

"Sasha, I told you it's fine. We're still friends, right? You aren't replacing me with Martin." Tim mocks being offended.

"I'm not, I'm helping Martin find something, and apparently, that means a lot of antiquing." Sasha visable relaxes.

"I told you you didn't have to help me." Martin flushes and sighs. "It's weird looking for it, and we probably won't find it."

"Oh, color me curious, what's this mystery object? A cursed tea pot? A lost sweater?" Tim smiles.

"An animal skin, I mean maybe a fur, just a piece made into clothing or jewelry." Martin crosses his arms. "I'll know it when I sm-see it. It's weird, I know, but I uh, it's just something I have to do."

"Dude, you don't have to explain yourself. If Sasha is helping you out, count me in. We can make a day of it, and I've been looking for some new plates too." Tim hums and winks as Martin blushes and covers his face.

Sasha chuckles. "Tim you're going to break him."

"Ah, what are friends for? Besides, I've got to get a book on myths since you still keep talking about selkies. I need to be able to know what you're talking about." Tim smiles wider as Martin's ears get red, and he covers his face.

"Why are none of you working?" Jon crosses his arms, staring at them with a raise brow.

"We were just discussing this weekend Jon, you can join us." Sasha smiles. "We're going to go through antique stores looking for an animal skin or fur. Tim's gonna look for new plates."

"You don't have to come." Martin quickly adds as Sasha elbows him to not.

Jon hums and sighs. "If I accept, will you stop asking me to grab drinks with you guys?"

"Hell yeah." Tim pumps his fist in the air. "Archive crew out antiquing."

Martin covers his red face.

Sasha chuckles. "Then it's a day."

"I suppose it is, now get back to work." Jon sighs.

......

"Why do you like the selkie legend so much? I mean, I know we deal with spooky stuff all day at work, but why that specifically?" Tim hums, looking through the jewelry laid out with odd fabric attached.

Martin watched Jon watch him and also wait for the answer. He swallows the truth on his tongue, knowing it would be useless until he could show them in person. "It's personal, it's from my father and I haven't been able to see him much with this job." Not entirely a lie but also not entirely the truth.

"You're father?" Jon raised his brow.

"Uh yeah, he lives up in Scotland, very off the grid type of guy. I only reconnected with him as an adult. The relationship with my mom wasn't exactly healthy, and he ran when he had the chance. I don't blame him for not taking me." Martin's eyes widen as he grabs the necklace from Jon. "Bloody hell, that's it." It was a small patch of fur. Martin knew the scent to be from a fox, but the specific species he wasn't quite sure about. It matched Elias's scent.

"Are you certain?" Jon only held a look of confusion as Martin didn't answer, and he pushed past the two men.

Tim hums. "That really did not answer anything, but the fact his childhood sucked."

Jon nodded. "I really want to know why he's so interested in fictional creatures. We don't even live by the sea."

"How about a deal, we come up with excuses for Martin to come out, and we get that information we can stop once we figure it out." Tim holds his hand out.

Jon hums in agreement, taking the hand. "I would suppose that would be a good way to find things out."

Sasha smirks from afar. She knew this was a bit underhanded, but they deserved to know the truth well before they realized that they had reverted back to their twenties. Martin told her about their bodies slowly adjusting to align with his age. She really didn't want a meltdown before Martin could show them the truth.

......

Jonah raised this brow. Why was Martin requesting to see him? He accepted Rosie's page. "Let him in." He rolled his shoulders his body was stiff, but that was normal. He never did feel comfortable in Elias's body even when he took over. He tried to write it off as an adjustment period, but it's been nearly 30 years, and he was running out of excuses.

Martin entered his office with a soft knock, and he seemed a bit more confident than Jonah was used to. "Hello sir, I uh... I found this for you." He holds out a leather necklace with animal fur on the end.

It was fox fur, one commonly known to the British isles. It was his. Jonah blinks furrows his brows. It wasn't his. What was happening? He took the necklace and ran two fingers over the soft fur. How was it still soft? It looked to be treated and old, not properly taken care of. He knew fox hunting had fallen out of fashion, but he never did have a taste for it either.

Martin watched Elias shut his eyes, and the small patch of fur shifted and turned to a very formal looking trench coat.

Jonah knew before he opened his eyes from the change of weight in his hands that the fur was different. He opened his eyes to an ornate coat, one he can recall that his mother looked longingly at through a window in his youth. This... no, the fur wasn't an object of the flesh, and it was his. No, not his it can't be his he's not... he didn't own furs, not ones that could magically turn into a coat from over 200 years ago, a coat that reminded him of his mother.

Martin looked at Elias with a confused look. "You're not Elias."

Jonah's eyes shot open at he staring at Martin. "Excuse me?" He didn't expect Martin to cross his arms and give a frustrated look instead of shrinking back at his raised tone.

"You don't know that's your skin." Martin's voice was quiet but strong. His demeanor shifted, and he pulled his coat tighter around himself.

"My what?" Jonah raised his brow and placed the coat in his lap, leaning forward.

Martin frowns and takes a breath. "You're not Elias. You have his body, yes, but you aren't him. You're a human who took over a body that isn't." He sits down and looks back to the closed door. "I won't ask who you are, but uh, aren't you going to put it on?"

"Martin, we are inside. Why would I put a coat on? Let alone one that just grew from a pice of fur." Jonah grot his teeth the aches were getting worse, and he held the coat in a death grip. "How do you know that for a fact I'm not Elias?"

Martin frowns, and he had pity in his eyes. "Your body hurts, doesn't it? How long has it been since you've worn your skin? You probably don't know that answer since you took over the body. I won't tell anyone about this, but you really should put it on, I'll put on mine."

Jonah knew he wouldn't get a straight answer unless he put on the damn coat. He refused that tiny voice in the back of his, correcting him that it was a skin, his skin. "You will explain everything."

Martin nods. "I will."

Jonah sighs and pushes his chair back, and starts to put on the coat as he stands up. He feels a bit weightless as the pain and stiffness drain from his body as his perspective shifts. He's shrinking. He has to be. His desk shouldn't be this big. He shook his head and tried to move and realized he had paws. He stumbles back and yelps or whatever that noose was that escaped his mouth. Something warm and wet went across his head and back, and it somehow calmed him down enough for him to stare up at the massive wolf above him.

A low growl from the wolf, and he was speaking in Jonah's head. "You'll have a horrible time if you keep trying to think you're human." Martin's voice sounded off in his head as he laid on the floor, letting Jonah approach.

Jonah stumbled but managed to walk closer. He sniffed Martin and recognized the scent from the first interview. The Beholder wasn't helping him. They weren't even feeding off his confusion, just watching. He batted Martin's nose, unable to figure out how to speak except make animalistic noises.

"It took me a bit to understand how to communicate like this, too." Martin yawns and tilts his head. "I know this is overwhelming, but relax. You need to rest before you remove your skin again. I can't imagine what it's like going so long without it. My mother hid my skin from me for a while, and it hurt, but I can't imagine that pain for years."

Jonah huffs and mimics Martin's position lying on the floor. It was hard fighting against the urge to sleep since the pain was gone, but he needed answers. He focused and shut his eyes and... "What... what are we?"

"You figured it out faster than I did." Martin rolls to his back stretching. "You must know the legend of the selkie. Well, it's not just seals that are selkies. Don't let anyone take your skin, and try not to forget it because if someone grabs it and returns it, you'll be married." He sits up. "However, if you're married, nobody will be able to steal your skin, and you won't become a servant."

Jonah can feel his hair no fur stand up with that information. "Is there a way to be human again?"

"In a sense, but it might kill you. The odds aren't good when you burn your skin." Martin growls. "If you have a death wish you can."

That was the last thing he wanted. Jonah was quiet for a moment. "Teach me?"

"In exchange, I want to know who you are and how you ended up in that body." Martin held a confidence Jonah was not prepared for.

"I don't have a choice, do i?" Jonah knew what a growl meant as his ears pinned back. "Fine, but you can not tell anyone."

"You can't tell anyone about me, and we have a deal." Martin huffs.

"Agreed." Jonah paused for a moment. "My name is Jonah."

Martin barked softly and shifted, and soon, he was sitting normally with his coat around his shoulders. "Ok then, Jonah." He scoops the fox up in his arms. "You need to relax for at least an hour before you take your skin off. I really hope you don't have any meetings because I can't pretend to be you."

Jonah felt a little annoyed at being carried, but it was also a bit comforting. He hated that information, but he didn't have any meetings till the afternoon, so it wouldn't be awful. He yelps as he is placed in his crumbled coat on his chair.

"Don't complain, and I know you're my boss, but right now, we are technically a pack and so on equal footing. This is the best I can do with what you have in this office. I'll be back in an hour and try to relax. Maybe you'll figure out your skin before I get back, but right now, I just appreciate the small nest." Martin smiles softly. "Even if you're not Elias, I'm still going to help. I know what it's like being stuck without a way to truly understand what you are. I got my skin at 13 and didn't know or understand till I was 21." He quietly leaves Jonah's office leaving him alone.

Jonah internally frowns. He was lost and confused, but he had someone to teach him as frustrating as the situation was his body finally didn't hurt he was warm, and his chair was soft. He felt sleep grip him, and he could feel the shift between him and Martin. He was right they were equals now.

......

Jonah doesn't think he was asleep that long when he woke up with sneeze. Fog tickled his nose, and he didn't like the shift in temperature. He shifted and felt something, and he blinked as he was sitting in his chair, and the ornate coat was on his shoulders. Ok, he didn't truly understand how he did that, and he was getting even more frustrated with the mounting questions he had to rely on Martin for.

"Jonah what the fuck." The soft voice of his husband pulled Jonah out of his internal musings.

Jonahs eyes went wide. "Uh, Peter, you aren't supposed to be in this early." He unconsciously pulls his coat tighter around him as Peter approaches him.

Peter notices his sudden shift and stops only a foot away from his husband. "I'm not going to take it, you know, and I'm sure as hell not going to return it to you."

"You know what it is?" Jonah could feel curiosity start to awaken and fan a flame in him.

Peter had a look of shock on his face. "You didn't?"

"I don't exactly choose what bodies the Beholder picks for me." Jonah crosses his arms. "Again, how do you know what this is?"

"I'm a sailor, Jonah. The selkie legend is a common one. Also, Tadeas is a selkie." Peter pinches his brow. "How did you not know? Jonah, it's been over 20 years since you took over Elias."

"I didn't exactly have this!" Jonah makes it a point to hold up his skin. "Martin, one of the archival assistants found a piece of fox fur and returned it to me. How was I supposed to know Elias wasn't human?"

Peter gives a heavy sigh. "I can't believe I know more about this than you do."

Jonah scowls. "Why are you even here?"

"Is it too much that I want to visit my husband." Peter frowns and sighs. "Fine, honestly, I've been trying to use the Forsaken, and it keeps bringing me to the apartment or here."

Jonah snorts. "What you aren't being lonely enough?"

Peter scowls. "My family has also been pressuring me to find out what is going on." He doesn't reach out for Jonah's skin but cups his cheek. "Has your patron been acting off?"

Jonah huffs as he leans into the touch. "I suppose they have... they didn't even feed on my earlier fear when I got my skin... Elias's skin."

"It's your skin now."

Jonah and Peter jump at the new voice.

"Sorry." The red head frowns. "I thought you heard me come in."

Jonah removes himself from Peter. "Martin, please knock before you come in." He sighs.

"I uh did...." Martin rubs the back of his head. "Sorry I can go."

"Can I take him?" Peter perked up.

"No, and this is why we're still divorced." Jonah takes a breath. "Martin, I seem to have a handle on this. You can go."

Martin tilts his head. "You're Peter Lukas."

Peter flinched, not enjoying being known. "Why do you know that?"

Martin hums. "Selkies are a very connected species since we are hunted or our skins are stolen and we become slaves. Tadeas is friends with my father. You shouldn't be surprised you're a respected human in our community."

"Respected?" Peter raised his brow.

"You're one of the fear folks. If we needed someone to disappear or to get rid of an awful human, we would go to you. I know I come off as clueless, but I know what I walked into getting a job here." Martin sighs and shrugs. "My father taught me the truth."

"You already know about the fears?" Jonah smiles. "How fascinating, and you didn't even warn your friends."

"You really are clueless when it comes to what you are or the supernatural." Martin shakes his head.

"You know that explains the random gifts." Peter hums, scratching his beard. "It makes my job easier."

Jonah scowls. "And what am I so ignorant about?"

"Jonah, the fears don't affect the supernatural. Your avatarhood is currently an anomaly, not the rule." Peter chuckles at his partner's bewildered face.

"Peter is right." Martin hums. "You're still an avatar of whatever you serve, but that's only because you were before you possessed the body you're currently in."

Jonah's mouth curves into a frown. "Martin, you can go."

Martin nods. "Ye-yeah, ok." He slips out of Jonah's office.

Peter hums. "Oh, what's wrong, Jonah? Don't like the new information?"

Jonah scowls and pushes Peter away. "Leave me alone. Don't you have people to dissapear?"

Peter chuckles. "Oh, not at the moment. It seems my calander is open. How about another marriage?"

"Go fuck yourself." Jonah scoffs and returns to his chair.

"I'll see you at home." Peter hums. "Any requests for dinner? Rabbit, perhaps?" He snickers as Jonah throws his pen at him. He vanishes in a rolling fog.

Jonah huffs. "I should make him give me back my skin so he can suffer with me." He froze. No, no, no. I shouldn't want that. Peter isn't that important to him. Right? They use each other, and that's that. He covers his face and groans at the new instincts inside of him.

......

"So?" Tim rolls his chair next to Martin.

"So?" Martin raised his brow.

"Did you think about it?" Tim smiles brightly.

"I uh oh... I mean, I was going out to a hiking trail with Sasha this Saturday...." Martin jumps as Sasha comes up from behind him.

"You are welcome to join us. Bring a Frisbee." Sasha chuckles as Martin covers his face.

"I think Jon's allergic to nature." Tim snickers as he hears a scoff.

"I am not. I can enjoy a nature hike." Jon huffs crossing his arms.

Sasha giggles softly. "I mean, it's not really a hike. It just helps Martin get out excess energy."

"You're talking about him like he's a dog." Jon raised his brow.

Martin covers his face and gives a heavy sigh.

Sasha snickers as she heads back to her desk.

Tim pauses and exchanges looks with Jon. "Are you ever going to explain that, Sash?"

"You'll find out soon enough." Sasha hums.

"That's ominous and vague." Tim huffs rolling his chair by Sasha. "Come on tell us."

Martin tilts his head studying Tim as he uncovers his face. He wasn't that old to begin with, but even the signs of being in his 30s were slowly melting off his body. He was very fit and muscular, but time had a way to hide that even if you continued to exercise like he did. Tim probably didn't even notice it. He then turned his gaze to Jon, ignoring the questions and banter. He looked better in all honesty, less tired, and he still had gray hairs in his raven hair, but that just could be genetics or stress. He wasn't slouched either like his back felt better.

"Hey Martin?" Tim waves his hand in front of his face.

Martin blinks. "I uh oh yeah, sorry I wasn't listening."

Jon pinched his brow. "Martin, we were asking what would be appropriate to wear for this outing."

Martin paused. "Things you wouldn't mind getting dirty."

"That makes sense for a hike." Tim hums.

......

Jon had to admit this was a very beautiful area as he made his way to join the others in a clearing. It was odd that Martin had his coat it wasn't a cold day, nor was rain expected, but he didn't question it it could be personal. It explained the panic reaction when Tim and himself returned the thing to him. It was peaceful, and maybe Tim's plan of spending more time with Martin to figure out his obsession with selkies wasn't totally a loss if they never figured it out after the three weekends so far.

Tim motioned for Jon to get closer. "Come on, Jon, we're all waiting." He smiles brightly, maybe he did have a crush on Jon but now Martin was a strong contender and he only asked Jon about looking into Martin as an excuse to spend time with them outside of work. So far, the plan is working amazingly. "I even brought the Frisbee."

Jon rolls his eyes as he approaches. "Seriously? I thought Sasha was joking."

Sasha waves. "I was not it's not for us it's for Martin." She elbows the larger man. "Come on, we are far away from civilization and cell service. Go have fun."

Martin laughs nervously. "Are you sure."

"Put on your coat, Martin." Sasha nudges him again.

"His coat? Sasha, it's not even cold out. He's going to overheat." Jon raised his brow as Martin snickers softly. "Oh lord Martin, I'm allowed to be concerned."

"Let him wear his coat." Tim nudges Jon. "Let him be happy."

"I'm just saying he would be more comfortable not overheating. I'm being practical, Tim." Jon crosses his arms, and Tim swears he looks like he's pouting.

"Oh come on, Jonny boy, let Martin have his fun... what's with that look?" Tim follows Jon's gaze to a large wolf the size of a horse shaking out his fur next to Sasha. "Oh fuck."

Jon's eyes were wide, and he stepped back. "His obsession wasn't an obsession, was it?"

Sasha pets the wolf's snout. "You know he can still hear and understand you." She chuckles as the wolf whines. "Don't be nice. The boys are stupid."

The wolf whines again and huffs. There are red streaks in his black fur, and he walks over slowly to Jon and Tim. He sits back in his hind legs and tilts his head.

Jon swallows. "Fuck me, Martin?"

"That's Martin?" Tim's eyes were wide watching the wolf contort, and then Martin was sitting pulling off his coat.

"Yes, that's me." Martin sighs. "I didn't mean to hide this so long after you guys returned my skin to me. I just didn't know how to bring up the topic."

"Selkies aren't just seals." Tim steps closer.

"Nope." Martin says with a pop.

"We returned your skin." Jon swallows and steps back.

"Yes, you did. I have to reiterate that you both returned my skin." Martin rubs his arm and sighs.

Tim pauses and falls to sit next to Martin. "We fucking returned your skin." He runs his hands through his dark brown hair and curses. "We returned your skin."

"Does that actually mean...?" Jon trails off.

Martin nods. "It does, I honestly prefer that rather than being a slave. It's not either of your faults. I left my skin by accident, and you both just thought it was my coat. You were just being polite, and that's how it goes. I'm not the only one in this situation if that makes you feel any better."

Tim groans. "It doesn't. Are you ok? We've been teasing you for weeks about the selkie thing."

"I mean, I'm fine, to be honest. I'm not exactly good at dropping hints, so it's not a wonder why you thought I was obsessed." Martin smiles softly and leans back. "I'm not mad about the marriage thing, I'm glad it's not a stranger, and it also means nobody can steal my skin ever again, if they try it would just end up with either of you. So I have a new sense of security."

"But we took away your choice." Tim frowns and looks away.

"What choice?" Martin sighs. "It's not like a human marriage, Tim. There was no choice for me in the first place. Some selkies who fall in love with humans or other species have a ceremony like humans for them returning their skin that they purposely left, but again, that's entirely different. You two can do whatever you wish. I just hope you two stay in contact with me. That's all I ask." He gets up. "Now, if you both don't mind, I was promised a game of catch, and I do enjoy stretching my legs so I'm just going to put my skin back on and play with Sasha." He puts his skin back on and runs as Sasha throws the Frisbee.

Jon shakes his head. "Wait, I have questions. I uh... um...." He watches Martin run around and sit next to Tim. "He seems very happy... I uh is that normal?"

"Do you have any experience with dogs?" Tim raised his brow.

"Not really. I prefer cats." Jon frowns. "Also, that's clearly a wolf, not a dog... I mean a very large wolf, but not a dog."

"Dogs and wolves have similar behaviors, like cats and big cats." Tim snickers.

"Martin! No, put that down!" Sasha shouts, and the two men notice a tan creature in his jaw.

Martin trots over to Sasha and puts down what Tim can now identify as a tan fox with streaks of normal red coloration in their fur. The fox looked annoyed the best way he can describe that.

Sasha pinches her brow and looks down. "Martin, we talked about this. If you're going to eat, don't do it in front of me."

Martin proceeds to lick the small fox compared to him, and its fur stands up on end. He sits and wags his tail.

The fox growls but not threatened and shakes out its fur. They sit down next to Martin with their ears pinned back.

Martin nudges his snout against the Frisbee.

"Oh... is this another?" Sasha pauses when Martin nods and lolls his tongue out. "Ohhhhhh ok, do they want to play too?"

The fox tried their best to look uninterested, but their eyes were locked on the toy.

Sasha chuckles softly. "Alright, alright." She throws the Frisbee as far as she can, and the two selkies go running. She hums and makes her way over to Jon and Tim. "Don't worry, that's another selkie."

"I can tell from the behavior." Jon tilts his head. "Odd fur pattern."

"Maybe that's just a selkie thing. Look at Martin he's also git red in his fur." Tim points at Martin holding the Frisbee while the fox dangles from the Frisbee in its mouth.

"You know I did ask him." Sasha interrupts. "The fur color is mostly the animal, but their human hair color comes through like that."

Tim and Jon make a noise of acknowledgment.

Martin drops the toy and the fox and looks over to something the three watching can't see. He tilts his head as the fox gets up and looks over hissing, puffing out their fur. Martin ends up licking them again, which seems to relax them.

A voice chuckles, and a white-haired man steps out into the clearing. He is big and strong and looks like he belongs on a cover of the old man and the sea. "Come here." He holds a hand out, and the fox approaches and yelps when it is scooped up. "Now, is this why you bolted away from me? Miss your little packmate?"

The fox looked like it wanted to growl, but the soft pets made them pur.

"Are you trying to tell me you want new toys, Jonah?" The man chuckles as the fox hisses.

Martin stretches and removes his skin. "Of course he needs toys, unless you want him to bring you back dead animals."

"Duly noted." The man sighs as Jonah is already half asleep in his arms. "Is this normal?"

"I don't see why it isn't he trusts you." Martin shrugs. "You seem surprised."

The man shifts, and a blush is quickly overtaking his pale features. "I don't know what you're talking about."

The fox rolls over and curls up tight in his arms.

"He's also a bit over stimulated, not used to using his skin. Give him time to adjust." Martin watches the man nod as he walks off. He returns to the three on the ground.

"Who was that?" Tim raised his brow.

"That's Peter, he's basically married that that selkie. That selkie just got his skin back, so he's adjusting to being whole again." Martin smiles softly.

"Is that why you were looking for that animal skin?" Jon gets up dusting himself off.

"Oh, uh yeah, that's the guy. He's not that much older than me comparatively for selkies, but uh yeah, we have pack bonded because of that, so he's my friend." Martin sighs. "I can't imagine how painful it was without your skin. I get uncomfortable if I go more than 12 hours without being in it."

"It's hurts?" Jon looks at Martin with a bit of panic.

"Jon, relax. Martin literally explained that he just uses his skin to make that pain go away." Tim gets up and stretches.

"Tim's right, it's just uncomfortable like my human skin doesn't fit right, and my bones are stiff." Martin smiles nervously. "You don't need to fuss over me. I have enough experience with what I'm comfortable with."

Jon rubs the back of his neck and looks away. "Of course you're right."

Sasha gets up and slings her arms around Jon and Tim. "Now that everything is out in the open, congrats on the marriage."

"Sasha.." Martin tries to look annoyed, but he breaks into giggles. "Don't be mean."

"Not being mean, just stating a fact." Sasha pauses. "Granted, they are both married to you, not each other."

"Right, I have to ask. What does that mean?" Jon follows Martin as he heads out of the forest.

"I'm bound to you and Tim for as long as I live." Martin hums softly.

"For as long as you live?" Tim raised his brow.

"I mean, unless one or both of you are killed." Martin sighs. "Although, that's a bit harder now."

"Wait, what do you mean by how long you live? Do you have a different life span or something?" Jon glances at Tim then Sasha, who doesn't give anything away.

Martin stops walking, and Jon stumbles into his back. "So you want to know, or are you just curious? Because you both have the same lifespan as myself now."

"Just tell us! I would like to know if my mom is going to bury me." Tim bit his lip. "I uh... sorry."

"My lifespan is comparably to a dragons, so a few thousand years." Martin turns to face them. "I uh yeah, I mean I'm considered an infant really to other older selkies. My dad is around 500 years old."

Tim opened his mouth then shut it.

Jon clears his throat. "A few thousand?"

"Yes, Jon, a few thousand." Martin hums. "Are you ok?"

Tim takes a deep breath. "So we're just going to be old for like ever?"

"No? I don't know if you noticed, but both of your bodies have already adjusted. You'll be in your 20s for a long while." Martin clicked his teeth shut.

Jon covers his face. "Things make so much more sense now."

"I uh..." Tim takes another deep breath. "This is a lot."

Martin frowns. "Look, we don't have to talk about it. I'm sorry I brought it up." He rushes forward through the trees and out of sight.

Sasha sighs. "You know he wasn't born a selkie. He only got his skin at 13, and even with that, he didn't understand until he was 21 and reconnected with his father. Do you have any idea how hard it was to get him to agree to reveal himself to you two? The man doesn't want to hurt either of you. He's scared that if he dies something wrong, you'll throw him away."

Jon has a guilty look on his features.

"He wasn't born a selkie?" Tim frowns. "I... I didn't mean to hurt him. It's just a lot."

"His mother is a human who stole his father's skin." Sasha pauses watching Tim flinch, and Jon looks even more guilty. "It's a coin flip if Martin would be human or selkie, and he got his skin which answered that question. His mother took his skin away from him until he was 18, and he took it back. He really means it when he says that he's thankful for the marriage. His skin can never be stolen again."

Jon rubs his arm. "We should apologize."

"You're right." Tim nods. "I... fuck I didn't want to hurt him."

Sasha rolls her eyes. "I can't save either of you from being stupid, but I can tell you that you can call him later."

"But-" Jon tried to interject but Sasha held up her hand.

"Text him now if you must, but let him be. He's been scared out of his mind about you two. The truth is out in the open, so let him settle down and just text him." Sasha motions for the two to follow her. "You two can think of nice texts while you treat me to lunch er well early dinner at this point."

Jon and Tim nod.

.....

Jonah stretches and sighs. "What's with that look, Peter? I thought you enjoyed watching me prance around like an animal."

Peter frowns, recalling what Martin told him. Jonah trusts him, and he doesn't know what to do with that information. This relationship wasn't supposed to be anything more than to annoy his family and sex. Sure, they got cats along the way, and his things are mixed in with Jonah's, but it didn't mean anything. It couldn't mean anything, he serves the Forsaken first, and that meant no attachments.

Jonah snaps in front of Peter's face. "I swear you get lost in your head way too often, Peter." He sighs. "I wanted to ask about the Forsaken. What's different about it?"

Peter stares at Jonah and stays quiet enough the other man is getting annoyed.

"Peter, I swear just answer the question." Jonah sighs.

"When did you get freckles?" Peter tilts his head. "We weren't even out in the sun, and they don't develop this fast."

Jonah steps back and raises his brow. He opens his phone and switches his camera. His face is emotionless as he touches his face. "Elias doesn't have freckles but..."

"But?" Peter raised his brow.

"I had freckles... my original body..." Jonah shoves his phone on his pocket as he retreats into the bathroom.

Peter gets up to follow knocking on the door. "Jonah, relax yourself it's just freckles."

"It's not just freckles!" Jonah shouts from the other side of the door.

Peter hears the sound of jonahs belt falling to the floor, then the shuffle of him taking off his pants. "What's so pressing that you're undressing? Last time I checked, you had the same equipment. What were you not born male originally?" He steps back at the soft whine.

Jonahs voice cracks as he answers. "I wasn't born male." He didn't lock the door as Peter entered.

Peter saw Jonah half naked sitting on the floor. He was missing something between his legs but still had his manhood. "Jonah, are you ok?"

Jonah was red face with anger or frustration or just anguished. He was shaking. He doesn't make a noise when Peter scoops him up.

"Alright, fussy, come on. I think it's time for you to take a nap." Peter can feel Jonah stiffen and slowly cling to him. "You've still got your dick, and that's that. You're still a man, you big baby." He sighs as jonahs skin drops to the floor on the process of bringing him to the bedroom. "Are you going to throw a fit, every time your body adapts and changes because you aren't human anymore."

Jonah grumbles, not speaking as he is tucked into bed. He looks up at Peter.

"You're ridiculous, the great Jonah Magnus afraid of a new hole. You're still a man, and whatever." Peter sighs. "Go take a nap, or I'm calling Martin."

Jonah huffs. "W-wait..." He reaches out as Peter leaves.

Peter returns with his skin in his arms. "I swear Jonah I was literally in the next room." He places the skin on top of Jonah. "You are the neediest man I've ever met." He crosses his arms and sits on the edge of the bed.

Jonah pulls his skin under the blanket. "Lay down."

"No, unlike you, I'm going to actually get chores done." Peter stiffens feeling the bed shift, and Jonah has wrapped his arms from behind. "Jonah, I'm serious."

"Take me to a pet shop then. I do want new toys." Jonah rests his head on Peter's shoulder. "I've earned it."

"You've earned it? You nearly broke down because your balls were replaced with a vagina." Peter can feel his resolve shatter. "You have to be in your skin."

"Mmmhk." Jonah hums. "The cats deserve something new, too."

Peter was going to do that regardless of Jonah making a comment. "Of course they deserve more than you."

"I've been good." Jonah huffs. "The Forsaken wants you to have a stronger connection to me, so when you travel, it hurts more. The Forsaken picked you to be... hmm." Glowing green eyes locked eyes with the gray blue eyes.

"Picked me to what?" Peter frowns, knowing that smirk meant Jonah wouldn't tell him unless he got what he asked.

"Who knows? I want a chew toy." Jonah huffs as Peter pushes him back to the bed.

"You're terrible." Peter sighs. "Absotuely awful."

Jonah chuckles. "As I've been told."

Peter groans. "Put your damn skin on. We'll go out."

Jonah smirks.

......

"What...? Tim be serious you're going to apologize and give Martin that?" Jon scoffs as he actually arrives to work on time.

Tim raised his brow. "And you think chocolates are better?"

"He's not an animal." Jon huffs as he places the chocolates and handwritten note on Martin's desk.

Martin blinks. "Uh, what's this?"

"An apology note and a gift." Jon sighs. "I know I've texted you an apology, but I think you deserve more. I apologize for last weekend."

Martin sniffs the box of chocolate and makes a face for a second, and pushes it aside. "Thanks for the note."

"You don't like the chocolate?" Jon frowns as Tim snickers behind him.

"I like dark chocolate. My human side tends to overcompensate when it comes to sweets since I can't taste them in my skin." Martin shrugs handing the box to Sasha.

"I see. Well, I apologize for the wrong gift." Jon hums.

Martin chuckles softly. "It's ok. I just got overwhelmed. You didn't have to go out of your way to get me something."

"Duh, because I got the better apology gift." Tim holds the largest chew toy he could. "Well, did I win?"

Jon rolls his eyes. "It's not a competition, and don't treat him like..." He trails off as Martin snatches the large toy from Tim.

"You got this for me?" Martin has pure hope in his eyes.

"Yeah, I mean, I know you're not a dog, but I mean, you can still use it, right?" Tim gives a soft oof as Martin picks him up in a tight hug.

"Oh, thank you so much. I'm so tired of chewing on logs, I'm still really young, and my teeth are weird." Marrin drops Tim. "Thank you again. This is amazing."

Jon scowls and crosses his arms. "Don't say a word, Tim."

"I don't need to." Tim chuckles.

Martin blushes and puts the toy down by his bag. "I uh right work... got to work.... thank you both of you."

"For what it's worth, Jon, these are good chocolates." Sasha gives a thumbs up.

Jon sighs. "Thank you, Sasha."

Martin gets up suddenly again. "Oh right, I'll make you both some tea. I uh do you two still want to meet up this weekend or uh..."

Jon perks up a bit. "Yes, we can meet up again this weekend."

"Yeah, come over to my place. We can watch bad movies." Tim shoots Martin some finger guns.

"Oh, that's great." Martin hums as he heads to the breakroom.

"Did you not listen to anything I said about Martin and food?" Sasha raised her brow.

"I may have been distracted." Jon sighs, trudging into his office.

"I listened." Tim smirks.

"Obviously." Sasha chuckles. "So how long have you been falling for the two?"

"Am I that bad?" Tim sighs, sinking into his chair.

"You wear your heart on your sleeve, which is kind of cute." Sasha smiles softly. "You've got marriage out of the way."

"Haha, very funny." Tim rolls his eyes.

......

Georgie raised her brow at the unfamiliar number, asking for a video call. It was late, and she didn't exactly have anything better to do, she accepted. She didn't expect to hear her ex speaking obviously slurred speech to show he's drunk.

"Aw yeah, she answered." Jon hiccups. The camera pans to his face with a deep blush and a furry rug he was leaning on?

No, the rug licked his face, which was a big dog. Georgie muffled a laugh.

"Georgie, Georgie, Georgie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not talking." Jon furrows his brows as the dog licks his face again. "I don't even like dogs."

A voice from off camera. "Martin isn't a dog."

"Yes, yes." Jon hiccups again. "But he's so soft and look at him." He fumbles his phone, and it points to a massive... yeah, that wasn't a dog. "I got married. I wanna see the admiral." He starts to sniff like he was gonna cry. "I wanna see my baby boy."

Georgie watches someone catch his phone before he buries his face into the giant wolf who was wagging their tail. A man she didn't recognize appeared on the phone.

"Oh ahit he really did call someone..." The man sighs. "I'm sorry, er Georgie? Right, uh, I'm Tim, and I didn't realize how much of a light weight Jon is. Also, sorry, he's probably too drunk out of his mind to realize that he called you." Tim directs the camera back to the scene of Jon without his glasses. The wolf had them in his mouth, and he was singing a mech song while petting the large animal.

"Look, I know you don't know me, but can you keep me on the phone? Jon's an old friend of mine, and I would enjoy the blackmail material." Georgie bit back a laugh.

"Oh, I like you." Tim waves off the wolf who whines. "Martin just keep him from hurting himself."

The wolf gets up, throwing Jon off balance from where he was leaning on them, and proceeds to lay back down on his legs.

"Puppy blanket!" Jon throws his arms up in a cheer and goes back to singing and petting the wolf now leaning over the wolf.

Georgie snorts. "Fuck me he's absolutely blasted. I haven't seen him this drunk since college. Here, let me give you my number. I want all the embarrassing pictures."

"Do you have pics from his college years?" Tim smirks off camera.

"Fuck yeah we can exchange pictures." Georgie smiles wide.

.......

"Good lord." Jon groans as he wakes up. He was ok, something soft and warm, but couldn't make it out. Something nudged his hand, and he had his glasses to see, and a glass of water was next to him as well. "Did i... uh." He drinks the water and looks over to the large wolf.

Martin yawns and wags his tail.

"I fell asleep on you." Jon gives a heavy sigh.

"To be fair, you got shit faced." Tim chuckles, sipping a mug of coffee. "You are a good singer though kept asking for the admiral, which I now know is a cat. You also drunk called your ex, which was great. I have her number, and she also wants you to call her back and rejoin a mechanism chat, which I don't know what that is, and she won't tell me. She also thinks I married you since you kept blabbering about being married and then Martin and then how you're not a dog person while cuddling Martin. I didn't want to out Martin, so I told her we're married." He slides a trash can over so Jon can spill his guts.

Jon looks like a pathetic cat as he looks up from the trash can. "Did I keep you here all night?" He sits up, letting Martin get up and stretch.

Martin takes off his skin. "It wasn't that bad. You're a very cuddly drunk. Georgie seems very kind."

"Yeah, I'm the ass in everything." Jon sighs.

"You don't have to explain what she already did, and honestly, you need to get better at communicating even now." Tim helps Jon up. "Also, I think she recorded a few videos of your drinking cuddling singing."

Jon groans. "I already know who she sent that too." He sighs. "Sorry for ruining movie night."

"Are you kidding me? I have blackmail for days, and I got a new friend." Tim chuckles.

Martin hums. "You're very good with your hands in my fur, and you didn't throw up on me, so I count that as a win." He chuckles. "You're also not that heavy. I forgot you were there when I got up. I had to reposition you so you weren't completely on the floor."

Jon blushes. "I'm never drinking again."

"Aw, don't say that. We had fun." Tim laughs as Jon hits his side. "Aw, come on, you were great fun and entertainment. Also, why did you name a cat the admiral?"

"He's a distinguished cat." Jon huffs. "I'm using your shower."

Martin chuckles. "You wanted to name the street rat cheese, Tim."

"It's a practical name." Tim huffs.

.....

Sasha raised her brow at the scene in front of her. Martin was curled up in the breakroom currently in his skin, and that fox from that day in the woods was sleeping on top of him. Well, that fox had one eye open, looking annoyed at her. So the other selkie worked here, that was good to know, but right now, she really wanted the snacks in the fridge she brought, and Martin was quite literally blocking access to the fridge. She clears her throat. "Um, Martin, could you maybe move?"

The fox had both eyes open and stretched. Jumping down the fox batted at Martin's snout, which woke him. The fox paused for a moment, tilting his head.

Martin huffed and got up with a big stretch. He nodded and padded out of the room and the fox followed.

"Um, thanks." Sasha watches Martin head into Jon's office and a short protest from Jon, then quiet. She got her yogurt and stepped into Jon's office to find Jon being laid on by Martin, and the fox had taken Jon's chest to curl up.

Jon sighs. "Who's the fox?"

"No idea." Sasha shrugs. "But I guess you're in time out."

"I was going to take a break." Jon sighs as Martin huffs. "Tim was getting me lunch."

Martin curls tight around Jon's legs.

"Fine, fine." Jon sighs. "Seriously though, who is this fox?"

"I really don't know, but I think it's the same one from the forest, with that big sailor guy." Sasha pauses as the fox lets out a laugh. "I forgot foxes can mimic human laughter."

......

"Are you alright?" Martin hums softly in Jonah's mind. They both were ignoring the conversation above them.

"I was born female, originally, and I'm starting to get things from my original body." Jonah sounds uncomfortable.

"Do you believe yourself to be male?" Martin stretches.

"Of course I do." Jonah huffs.

"Then you're male." Martin responds, yawning. "Most nonhuman creatures can switch genders or develop the opposite gender sex for their body while still having the old around. Hence, most supernatural species are intersex or change their sex on a whim. My father gave me a very descriptive sex ed course. You'll just have both parts, so have your partner wear a condom unless you want kids."

Jonah perks up, hopping off Jon's chest to Martin's back. "It's that easy?"

"Mmh, I guess." Martin had a hint of a smirk in his tone. "Is that why you came down here to risk outing yourself?"

"Shut up." Jonah huffs curling up on Martin. "So about the marriage thing."

"You're not married to Peter, well you are the human way." Martin hums softly. "Did your plan not work?"

"Apparently not. Unfortunately, I will have to try again." Jonah sighs. "Your other mate is here."

"Look at you already using correct terms." Martin hums fondly. "I've been meaning to ask besides from the adjustment. Are you ok?"

Jonah stretches out. "As well as I can be, I've been human jumping bodies for a good 200 years. I can't exactly continue that for a long time, nor do any of my other plans I've been devoting during that time." He sounds only mildly bitter. "I underestimated you."

"You did." Martin muses. "Your hormones and instincts will even out soon enough, and you'll feel normal again."

"Will I go back to being your boss?" Jonah hufs hearing a laugh from Martin.

"Legally, you are my boss, but that's only for humanity's gaze. Realistically, we are going to be on equal footing since we are in the same pack." Martin gets up off of Jon to let him eat. "Will my mates be in the pack? I don't know way too early to tell if they both will physically change."

Jonah rides on Martin's back curiosity, tugging at his mind, and he knows his eyes are glowing green. "What do you mean?"

"It's rare, but there are records written by humans losing their humanity, of course. However in rare cases selkie true marriages from returning their skin does have a chance to infect their new marriage partner or mate to turn into a selkie the animal is random but it has been recorded again by said humans." Martin stops in the breakroom curling back up. "It's only been three weeks at most for us way too early to see if anything like that would happen. However, if it happens in one pack, all the members who get human mates they will change as well."

"Fascinating." Jonah hums. "Tell me more."

Martin smiles. "Alright, I will until Peter finds you."

"He won't go down here." Jonah sounds smug. "I highly doubt he cares enough to get out of his comfort zone."

Martin tilts his head, looking back at the fox. "You care for him, but he doesn't for you?

"It's not his nature to care about others." Jonah sounds disappointed. "It's just his nature and how he was raised. Just because I love him doesn't mean he would ever return the feelings."

"Is that why you want the marriage?" Martin rests his head on the floor.

"That and not becoming a slave sounds nice." Jonah curls up tightly on top of Martin. "So information."

"Ok, but again, my father is better at this than I am he's older than both of us." Martin shuts his eyes, and starts to explain what he knows.

.......

Stomping and then the doors to the archives are flung open. The burly, strong sailor man rushed inside. He has worries on his features. His voice did match his imposing figure. "I'm looking for e-j- a fox."

Tim nearly spit out his drink at the entrance. "I uh..." He gave a look to Sasha.

"Breakroom." Sasha answers, giving a look to Tim. As the man shifts awkwardly before Tim points at the closed door.

The man rushed forward, nearly taking the door off the handle. "You!" He stared at the fox who was asleep and the wolf under him who was also asleep. He grabbed the fox, waiting them up as he huffed. "Do you have any idea how long I've been looking for you? How many people I had to talk to you, horrible creature."

The fox growls for a moment before staring at the man and twists till feet hit the floor, and Jonah is dusting himself off. "Honestly, Peter, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Taking care of yourself? J- Elias, you've been gone for two hours." Peter huffs. "You told me we had to have lunch and you weren't there."

"You actually went to look for me?" Jonah raised his brow.

"Yes!" Peter pinches his brow. "You've done nothing but cause me a headache while I had to actually look for you and interact with others." He was looking a bit transparent, and Jonah knew that reflected how anxious he felt.

"You were worried about me?" Jonah tilted his head.

Peter sighs and grabs Jonah's arm. "Yes, don't get a big head, you awful little man." He tugs him out of the archives.

"I thought Martin was joking about Elias." Sasha pursed her lips.

"You knew!" Tim whipped his head to stare at Sasha.

"Martin made a comment about it, but yeah, that's the skin he was looking for." Sasha pauses. "Wait, that means that man was his husband."

"Oh fuck that's Peter Lukas?" Tim blinks. "Fuck I thought those rumors of Elias being a sugar baby were just to fuck with me."

Jon pokes his head out of the office. "Im sorry the fox is Elias? Elias was on my chest?"

Martin yawns. "He's still dealing with the rush of hormones and instincts. He was also mirroring my behavior, like how cats and many other animals do."

Jon frowns. "I uh oh..."

"Being without your skin for a long time can be jarring once you get it back. So his body is adjusting, and his mind is catching up. There's also other factors, but I won't share that it's personal. He is a part of my pack, though since I returned his skin... our pack is the correct term. He asked me not to tell you guys." Martin sighs. "He didn't account for his human husband to get worried about him."

"Oh." Tim sighs. "Be nice to the guy. I can tell that it's personal and frankly embarrassing."

"Tim is right it's incredibly personal and he's seeking comfort, and even though he's older than me in the span of our lives it's not really that important we are in equal footing so he daughter me out for comfort." Martin sighs. "Try not to mention it."

Tim, Sasha, and Jon share a glance, and all nod at Martin.

......

"Peter, you are absolutely awful." Jonah huffs from his desk as Peter pushes a take out container towards him.

"Well, I improvised for lunch." Peter huffs poking his food that was getting cold. Emotions swam in his head with the realization of what he did just to find Jonah. He threw out every lesson his own mother drilled onto his skull for a man he didn't even know if he loved. He doesn't even know what love meant. Nobody taught him, and he was getting too old to ask. He enjoyed the stupid reality TV shows and the awful way he would talk about his work and his patron. He looked forward to the promise of adopting a fourth cat. He likes the old-fashioned way the other man cooked even if it was way too spiced, and he never understood where he got that from. He loved the stupid little arguements and the wagers between them. He liked jonah and not his body even if he was pankcking about the different parts. He enjoyed him as James and.... it's as if a stone dropped in his stomach as something clicked. "Oh."

Jonah raised his brow eating the cold noodles. "Peter, it's not about lunch, although I am grateful it seems I've forgotten to eat breakfast in my haste to get to work. Why would you even go out of your way to look for me? I am not foolish enough to leave my skin unattended in my office." He rolls his eyes.

Peter swallows, and the weight in his stomach seems to get heavier, and his appetite is completely gone. He rubbed his eyes and sighed. "Is that stupid cooking show you like on tonight?"

"You can't call it stupid if you watch it with me." Jonah huffs. "Whatever, eat your food."

Peter numbly picks up his food and eats slowly, afraid to look away from Jonah as if he'll forget what he looks like if he steps back into his patron. Is this what Forsaken wanted? To feed on him? He doesn't want to go back, which is a realization that sends chills down his spine.

Jonah hums, finishing his food. "Although I am mad at you for this stunt, I want you to stay tonight since you're leaving tomorrow." He sighs. "Peter, are you even listening to me?"

Peter nods mutely. "Yes, I'll stay the night."

"Good." Jonah smiles softly. "The next time you'll be back longer, right?"

"Yes, a few months." Peter wanted to say forever, but he couldn't let the words leave his tongue.

"I suppose I'll have to wait till then." Jonah sighs.

[hellcatinnc]

My Twisted Mind

And The Men Who Have Made Me That Way...

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I find I have a twisted way of being attracted to some men in my otome games. Like for instance I love Dance With Devils however Urie attracted me because of the saying below, sick right?

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Then there is Itychs in Star Crossed Myth that says below and although not sure he was meaning it per say I found myself even more attracted to him. The idea of someone wanting to make love to you until they break you is a odd thing to say but when its from a god it can be taken so many ways.

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Pewrep surprised me with this specific action but yet at the same time I found it so hot that he wanted to lick her until everyone could smell him on her and know that she was his. Talk about possessiveness which is hot in itself.

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This wasn't normal and probably should not romanticize it in my head but yet I found them just that romantic that he would go to hell for her as well as he had no regrets of the damage he may have done to her mind for kidnapping her but he isn't apologetic for it. Still again somehow romantic.

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Sadly saint germain could kill me any day if he looks they way he does below. Like the sound of his voice, the atmosphere as he leans in oh my lord the way to go out of this world couldn't imagine a better way however I would have pushed my luck and asked for a kiss first.

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I don't get it he isn't the most attractive yet at some point he became sexy to me. His look the way he even talks and his quotes draw me in.

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Laito damn this man is sexy all in itself. Another one to die but and with him he will make it feel real good when he does it. Its like taking you to heaven before taking you to hell.

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Somehow the way Fuuto comes across at times especially when he was dressed as a vampire is pretty hot. They used to be cringey to me but then I played the game and realized he is sexier than I once thought. Even his borderline possession and aggressiveness can come off hot in the right setting.

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Misyr the sexiest demon I have ever seen yes please kidnap me I will volunteer completely. He jokes but yet still sexy when he says it then gives a wink after.

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My dear Ikki yes please break everyone else. The fact he wants to have his way with him woman weirdly enough that is fuckin hot. This man could do so many things to me and I would never complain.

Yes I know seriously this is a weird list for me. They are not full on yandere type men and I know thats big for alot of anime/otome lovers however mine are just slightly twisted but not yandere psycho well most times at least. Not sure if anyone else agrees with me but damn this is my hot twisted men list for sure. They are in no specific order.

[witchersmistress]

Punishment Time- Walter

Hello my darlings!! ive been hiding but im back and @livesinfantasyland here is something to sink your teeth into..

Trigger warnings: Cream pie, oral sex male receiving, bodily pentration, anal play, nipple clamps, pet names, threesome.. i thinks thats everything lol

word count: 2.1K

Grabbing a towel from the edge of the bed, wiping off August’s cum and then throwing it in a laundry hamper nearby, you made your way to Walter’s cage, his hard cock was still in his hand, his magic cross piercing glinting under the lights. He tucked his thick veiny cock back into his jeans, and stood up. He is 6’1, curls for days and those blue eyes…

He may be the quieter one of August and Syverson but he was just as deadly and he was a man in complete control and you were about to break it. You had to think carefully, he is good at what he does so trying to trap him will be a bit more finesse than you did with August, but Gus is a man who lets his temper get the best of him.

Walter is a man who never shows his feelings or his pain after all the things he has seen in his time. So that is what  his punishment will be , pain to the point of pleasure. you flick you gaze back to August, he is slumped on the couch where you left him. Too tired to move, he’ll need his rest, you're not done with him yet, however you and Walter were just getting started

Opening the door to the monster’s cage, you let yourself be enclosed with him. He ensnared me in his arms, but that's just what i wanted, he wasn't aware of secret held inside his prison….

He drew closer to your ear “Tsk Tsk Tsk you are awfully brave or very foolish to get locked in here with me” he nipped at your earlobe and trailed kisses down your neck, pushing him slightly to get him against the back of the cage, your arms encircle his neck to bring him in closer, he attacked your chest and neck like a vicious animal. Reaching for the black collar behind his head, and locking it around his neck and stepping back. He tries to grab me and is tugged back by his collar. 

A wicked grin is plaster on your face, his eyes narrowed when he realized that he was trapped. “You evil little wench, let me out” a wild giggle escaped your lips as you watched the big burly man struggle against his collar. “They say that you were one of the best, the Night Hunter, but nobody knew about the monster that laid underneath those clothes, the proverbial  wolf in sheep's clothing.” grabbing the neck of his white t-shirt, you pulled and ripped it open. Pulling off the scrap of fabric and tossing it to the cage floor, you ran your fingers along his rippling prectors, as a growl ripped out of his chest. “You let me out of this right now” pressing a finger to his lips and shushing him,  reaching around for the nipple clamps, holding one in you lowered hand, you  leaned forward and swirled your tongue around his right nipple, he hissed at the intimate contact.

you were going to enjoy this punishment far too much but there was no turning back now, removing your mouth from his chest, you brought the clamp up to his nipple and placed it on before gently tightening it. His face contorted in pain and pleasure, honestly wouldn't have pinned this man for a pain kink, he definitely has a primal kink.  The thought of that man chasing you like prey, gets you blood boiling, not sure if it was August’s cum or your arousal leaking down your inner thighs, a shiver racks through your body as you attach the other nipple clamp. Attaching a leash to his collar, i undo the chain holding him in place, “ Come boy” he glared at me while i tugged on the leash, “ I am not a pet” he growled, turning back to look over your shoulder, “ Oh no you darling, you are  so much more than that, you are my  good boy” his blue eyes narrowed at that remark as i tugged him along to the bed in the middle of the room. 

“Lay down on your stomach, if you are a good boy you’ll get a reward” he eyed me suspiciously as you pulled him by his belt towards the bed, undoing his belt and letting his pants fall free, only his navy blue boxer briefs left in place. He begrudgingly layed down for me, he hissed at the contact of the cool satin bed sheets to his taut nipples. Attaching his collar to the chain in the bed so he couldn't move, you gave him a swift smack on his muscular ass, the thwack echoed off the walls and he growled at me some more.

“Tsk tsk, down boy you know better” a low grumble left his chest, if he wasn't happy now he certainly won't be in a few minutes. Making sure that he was  secure before walking twoards the hutch of fun things, humming a disney song like a psycho path, i grab what you are looking for, it was a small silicone buttplug, it was black with a flared base and a sparkly green gem blinking back at you. Grabbing the lube off the side bed, you pulled his boxers down and smiled wickedly at him. He was quiet, always observing and plotting his revenge no doubt. Opening up the bottle of lube, i squirted some on his perfectly shaped ass, he hissed at the contact “Woman you better stop right now” ignoring his words you pressed on, spreading the lube and desensitize around his tight puckered hole, placing the tip of you finger against the open, pushing gently, with a little effort, the muscle gave way. swirling around the tight sphincter as he moaned at the sensation. 

Pulling your finger out and wiping it on the towel besides you grabbed the plug and generously covered it in lube and desensitizer, and some more lube to his back end. you smacked him on the ass. “Hands and knees pretty boy, it'll make it easier.'' He struggled to get to his knees, the nipple clamps leaving imprints on his skin, and his cock, was rock hard with precum dripping from the tip. you bent forward and took the tip of his swollen cock and licked the precum off. He let out a wanton moan. Pulling back, you went back to his ass and placed the plug at his designated target. Placing your hand on his lower back, you gently pushed the plug until you felt the moment of give and it went. He hissed at the sensation.. "you've had your fun now let me out" he said. A sinister laugh left your throat. " not likely, besides this is your punishment not mine." Extending the chain on his collar, " Roll over and hold yourself up on your hands knees apart" the look in his eye assured me that yes you was indeed going to be in trouble later

you climbed up on the bed and positioned yourself at the end of the bed.  For a man who is usually a hard read, he was an open book at the minute, didn't bother to hide a damn thing. Sitting back on your heels and grabbing all of your long hair and putting it up in a ponytail to get it off your neck and out of your face. Grazing your hands up your thighs, to your breast giving them a gentle squeeze before reaching your arms high above you head, stretching like a cat bathing in the sun, rolling your neck, you locked eyes with him. He was practically salivating, August had rejoined us. Sitting back on his sofa just watching, and admiring “Don't you start Walker” Walter hissed in his direction, August put his hands up “Boys” you chided them as you shook your head “ enough, both of you stop or you can pleasure each other and ill watch” 

you've never seen August's spine snap straight so quickly or Walter who turned and was drilling holes in August’s skull with his eyes. These two are just annoying. Finishing your stretch, bring your arms back down slowly, grabbing your throat then trailing you middle finger, through the valley of your breast before resting them on your lap again.. “Woman,” Walter said. Rolling your eyes you tossed a look over your shoulder back at August who was about to get the perfect view of you ass and cunt wet from his release mixed with you own, placing you hands in front of me, shifting you sitting on your heels to all fours, you red bottom thigh highs and black garter belt firmly in place. Wiggling your feet and your ass at him as you crawled in between Walter’s spread thighs. “Fuccck” you heard from behind me, "eat that you smug bastard," you thought.

Nipping at Walters thigh as you crawled up his body and got within an inch of his face. My lips hovering centimeters from his  "if you move in any way we stop, do you understand?" he nodded and you pulled back. Sinking your way back to his throbbing cock, flattening your tongue, licking from balls to tip, paying special attention to his piercings, you reach your hand under his balls and pull on the base of the plug. He emits a deep moan when you pull on it, pulling back on his cock and wiggling your ass in excitement. 

Sounds echoed around you  but you were solely fixated on Walter as you took him in your mouth all the way to the back of your throat, gagging slightly on the piercing, pulling on the plug as you sucked on him, his moans increasing and his cock growing thicker. Feeling a hand move down your back and to the top of the garter belt “Don't you dare stop little one, let's give him a real treat shall we?” August huskily whispered. His hands slipping farther down your hips, one pulls away and claps you hard on your ass leaving a mark. You jumped at the impact, that sound of him smacking you made you even more wet than you possibly had been before. The hand that spanked you slowly trailed down your thigh and in between your legs “Hmm if you could only feel how wet she is, Walt, i can imagine how her walls are clenching begging for something to grab on to” he slipped two fingers inside you. Moaning as he found that one spot and curled his middle finger to hit it just perfectly “Shhh don't lose focus, you need to punish Walter” glowering at August, you pop walt from your mouth and start working him by hand. His moans growing louder, and his arms started to shake “Do not torture me Dove”  August pulled his fingers out and before you could question him, he was balls deep inside you at a steady pace, you struggled to concentrate on Walter 

“ little one, moan for him, show him how good he makes you feel” pumping Walter faster as August plowed into you, moaning Walters name as August hit that spot that caused your eyes to roll “ Fuck baby, im going to cum if you dont stop” Walt pants but that only encouraged him more, one of his hands left your hip and delved between your legs to throb clit as he circled your throbbing clit “Hold on little one, dont cum just yet” pulling Walter back into your mouth the finish him off, his thigh began to shake as he leaned back at one arm and his other wrapped in your ponytail and held you in place “Open wide dove, im cumming in that pretty little mouth of yours” you could feel the hot liquid shoot down your throat as August pinched your clit and you went over the edge as he pounded away at you. Wave after wave of your orgasms washed through you, your limbs shaking with the effort it took to hold your heaving body.  Finally releasing Walts cock so you could catch your breath.                                                                          

They both share a deviant look, while August is still balls deep in you and your  struggling to catch your breath from the orgasm that August wrenched from you body as you dragged one from Walter with the quickest of movements, you were pulled off of August and thrust into  Walters chest and pinned in place. “Release the collar dove, i will not ask again” Walter seethed. With shaking hands you undo his collar and it hits the ground with a thud, a hand goes immediately around your throat. “Well dove, you're in quite the pickle, two dangerous men have you trapped in this room with all sorts of objects and toys.” undoing his nipple clamps and he hissed “Thats it dove.. Run, because if we find you, we fuck you” you sprang off the bed, grabbing a black satin robe and took off up the stairs with to predators hot on your tail and the third one? Waiting bed for you…. 

[velarisdusk]

Our favorite Azriel stan 🦇🖤💙 !!

1. Why is Azriel one of your favorite characters?

2. Is there a specific scene that made you like them?

3. What theories/headcanons do you have for Azriel?

4. Feel free to share anything else about Azriel that the questions didn’t cover!

omg i wasn't expecting such a title, what an honor. i’d like to thank the academy, azriel, beyonce

putting this under the cut bc i just realized how much i wrote lol

i always love the characters that don’t talk much and aren’t super expanded on by the author (this isnt me saying he lacks depth, i just need an azriel book). ig partially bc of more room for headcanons/fanon exploration, but mostly bc it’s like…. omg so mysterious let me learn more abt you bbg 🫦 az is so broody and witty and i love that abt him

im gonna be so real i fell in love with him (and cass) from that first dinner at the house of wind. like i said, very quiet, very witty, lots of small but telling facial reactions. i was REALLY hooked, though, later on at the “i don’t see you spouting poetry, brother” “i don’t need to resort to it” AND IM PRETTY SURE HE WAS LIKE LEANING AGAINST THE WALL OR SOMETHING ARMS CROSSED WITH A LITTLE SMIRK LIKE STOP THATS ENOUGH I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE i know its such a basic and very brought up bit of dialogue but UGH i literally squealed and kicked my legs for feyre bc god i WISH i couldve witnessed that with my own eyeballs

buckle up, i’ve got a good few. azriel: ♡ is left-handed. i wont be taking any questions. ♡ is a switch, but ive been on my sub!azriel soapbox for months now, and i'm not getting off anytime soon. sub top sub bottom idc, sub azriel for president ♡ if only he was born in the right place and the right time, he would LOVE rock music. i think where cass is more classic rock (i'll die on this hill), az is more punk rock, alt rock, garage rock, grunge if he's feeling a lil crazy. oh but i bet he loves classical music. ♡ at one point he tried to learn piano bc he wanted to play a piece he heard at one of those hewn city balls :) but he realized very quickly how difficult it would be what with the chronic pain in his hands and all :( ♡ there was one night in particular, he was alone at the house of wind practicing, and he got so frustrated after messing up the same measure for the millionth time. staring down at the keys - no, at his hands, his fingers... he slammed the keylid down on them over and over in a moment of rage ♡ when the IC asked why his fingers were wrapped, he'd told them he just trained too hard ♡ but he didn't stop playing. i like to think he plays in private. plays and sings for the shadows. and it's always beautiful ♡ he's got a soft spot for animals. specifically birds.. like owls and falcons i think. ♡ i also feel like he's got pre-mission rituals. like he's gotta sharpen his blades in a specific order, checks his gear once, twice, three times. reflects in front of the mirror for a few minutes, then heads out. i feel like it borders on compulsive. like he feels that if he deviates from it even slightly, something will go wrong with the mission. ♡ REALLY good with kids. they just gravitate toward him. he'll let them play with his shadows, shapes them into little animals too UGH uncle az with nyx is so :") ♡ has a small, hidden tattoo that means a lot to him and no one else knows about it. yes, he did it on himself. no, he isn't showing anyone except his mate. ♡ OH ALSO i feel like hes really good at dancing. like cmon he sneaks around all the time hes gotta be very nimble and quick on his feet. qualities of a good dancer. put him in a dance with nesta lets see THAT i have a lot of thoughts on azriel my bad

i love him

[winterspiderpurrs]

Just gimme a stalker Bucky story for Peter. He’s too innocent and doesn’t notice. Just gimme it please. Saw last prompt someone wrote and it hit me like a truck and now I’m asking for me

God was he beautiful.

Bucky was currently kneeling on the fire escape, peering into the window.

His precious Peter was right there. It's been a year since he first met him. By pure chance even.

He was online , finally deciding on getting a pet cat. He found one he just knew he had to get. But he had to make the trek to Queens.

He was in the shelter finishing up his paper work for his adoption of Alpine when he walked in. He was covered in scratches and was holding a very upset cat who was currently wrapped up ina sweater.

Handing over the kitty to the older woman behind the desk.

" I found 'em in an alley. Pour thing looks starved. Our apartment doesn't allow pets, but I knew you were one of the few non kill shelters around."

The guy was just to precious. Bucky glanced down at the paperwork the guy was filling out to turn the cat over.

Peter Parker huh.

Thankfull for his photographic memory, he filed it away for later.

Once he was home, he still couldn't get the thoughts of Peter out of his head. He was able to do a quick search. He shook his head, didn't he know how to set his privacy settings on his social media apps?

His fingers hover over his instagram. The photos there were artist. Less selfy. Occasionally, some photos of friends, food, and even less of Selfies. But the ones there? The image of Peter out in a pool.

That was quite a view, but after some digging, it appears his little animal lover was smart. Talking king of nerds smart. Graduated from MIT with a doctorate this past year, currently working at Stark Industries. Photo was from when he was out at a conference.

From there, Bucky decided to start hanging around Queens a little. And if he happens to run into Peter? Who was he to say it wasn't fate.

He started showing up to different food places that have frequently showed up in the instagram photos. He created a fake page business page to be an active follower.

Spotting Peter often, never actively interacting with him. Though it was a chance that he decided to bring Alpine with him. She had too much energy sometimes, so he started taking her on long walks.

He decided to walk her in Queens. He frozen for a moment when he heard a gasp.

" Oh! Sir! Look at this pretty girl! May I pet her?"

Bucky turns to find Peter smiling brightly up at him, he nods briefly. Peter quickly kneels down and offers his hand to Alpine to sniff. Alpine then starts rubbing her head again his hand, giving a soft purr.

Peter giggles, and Bucky smiles. See? Even Alpine approved.

They started talkin about cats, how Bucky adopted Alpine and such. Then it happened.

" I wish I could get a cat. Our apartment doesn't allow pets. I tried to convince Quentin to get one and I would take care of it since I'm basically at his place all the time. But he said no "

Who the fuck was Quentin. " Quentin?"

"Oh! Thats my boyfriend" the same that was on Bucky's face fell. He didn't see an relationship status anywhere on what he found. And there weren't any typical relationship romantic photos anywhere.

They part ways not long after, but the burning heat of jealously was growing.

He still made sure to start showing up more to a local park Peter goes to. It didn't take much to convince Peter to exchange numbers. Through that he was able to do more digging online he found Quentins profile.

What a douche.

From the posts he makes to the the sleezing comments, he leaves on people's profile. He even found the guys profile on several dating apps, too.

This guy wasn't worthy of his Peter. Peter who helps old ladies who cross the street. Peter who is loving and kind to animals. Peter who helps tutor kids at the homeless shelter he volunteers at. Peter, who gives more then he takes.

Bucky feels bad as he watches Peter cry himself to sleep in his apartment. Quentin isn't worthy of the tears Peter were crying. But its for the best.

Not even 24hours ago, Bucky had followed Quentin to a club, it wasn't hard to find the guy. Currently trying to talk to a girl, who looked way to young to even be here. He made an offer of drugs, and was able to get Quentin into a dark corner of the club. He made swift jabs to the mans side. The knife glittering under the lights, it was a short blade, mainly to hurt and not kill.

He made some threats that if he didn't break up with Peter, well he would be better prepared for next time. And no one would be able to find him. He was quiet pleased with himself, as much as it hurt him, knowing he hurt Peter. It's better this way.

That way, within the next several months, he could really make Quentins life more miserable. Like how his boss will find out that Quentin was stealing work and selling it to the competition. Insider trading. Stealing ideas claiming them as his own. If he doesn't end up in prison well, Bucky is good at making problems disappear.

He pulled out his phone, making sure it was on silent before he started typing. He was avidly watching Peter as he does. He smiles as he sees Peter sit up to wipe the tears from his eyes as he responds. His heart warms as he sees the small smile that appears.

Just a few more months, the long game is how he is going to be able to win Peter over. He already purchased a property upstate, a cabin that he has started renovating, perfect for them. Would get a satellite if he needs to, to make sure Peter would work remote.

So he would never have to leave.

[sequinsmile-x]

I'll Go Anywhere With You

Whilst Emily and Aaron are choosing where to go on vacation, one of the suggestions leads her to reveal a part of her past she's never shared with him before.

-x-

Hi friends

Not really sure where this came from! It's been a while since I wrote something Demonology related, so here is some Sunday evening hurt/comfort for you <3

Please let me know what you think!

-x-

Words: 3k

Warnings: Discussion of abortion

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

"'I am very fond of Charles Dickens,' Matilda said. ''He makes me laugh a lot. Especially Mr Pickwick.'

At that moment the bell in the corridor sounded for the end of class." 

Emily turns to look at Jack as she finishes reading, smiling at the sight of the mostly asleep boy, his head against her shoulder as his eyes drooped. She closes the book and places it on his nightstand before extracting herself from next to him, guiding him to lie down as she tucks his covers around him. 

“One more chapter,” he protests, his words slurring together, and she smiles as she sits on the edge of the bed, pushing his unruly hair from his face. 

“Tomorrow I promise, sweet boy,” she says, leaning forward to kiss his forehead, “You get some sleep.” 

He hums, any further complaints lost as the pull of sleep wins out, “Love you, Em’ly.” 

She feels her smile shake slightly, the force of her love for this little boy still overwhelming even now, almost a year on from her getting together with Aaron. Sometimes it felt like she had to pinch herself to ensure she wasn’t dreaming when she thought about it too much. The simplicity, and the pure joy she found in the day-to-day, something she was sure she’d never get to experience. 

“Love you too, Jack,” she says, leaning down to kiss his forehead again, “Daddy and I are just down the hall if you need us, okay?” 

He nods, his arms wrapping tighter around his favourite stuffed animal, a dinosaur she’d bought him back when she thought she’d have to win his affection, which Aaron had always told her was unnecessary. Jack loved her just as much as he did, the family she’d always yearned for right in front of her in plain sight. 

She waits until he falls asleep and she sneaks out of his room, leaving the door slightly ajar in case he needs them. Nightmares were a common thing in their household, and they weren’t just limited to Jack. All three of them were prone to their monsters sneaking out of the shadows at night.

She walks down the hallway to the kitchen and she leans against the doorway, her lips pressed together as she suppresses a smile at the sight of Aaron leaning down to put the last of the dishes into the dishwasher. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows, allowing her to enjoy the sight of his forearms as the muscles rippled underneath. He turns to look at her, and he raises his eyebrow at her as he closes the door to the dishwasher, the last of the dishes loaded into it. 

“As always, your timing is impeccable,” he says wryly, and she rolls her eyes at him as she crosses the kitchen.

“Your son wanted me to read to him,” she explains, wrapping her arms around his neck, her eyes sparkling as they meet his. He bands his arms around her back, pulling her closer as he stamps a kiss against her lips, “You and I both know I can’t say no to him.” 

He chuckles, kissing her again, “So does he, thats why he always asks for you to do bedtime.” 

It still made him smile when he thought of how nervous Emily was when they first told Jack they were together, nerves that had reignited just a few months ago when they discussed her moving in. He would tell her as many times as she needed to hear, he’d spend the rest of their lives reassuring her, that she was their favourite person. That, if he was honest, that had been the case long before their first kiss. 

Emily smiles and rests her head against his shoulder, settling into his embrace for a moment. She looks around the kitchen and spots Aaron’s laptop on the counter, the screen bright with the internet browser open, and she smirks into the material of his shirt.

“Honey,” she starts, pulling back to look at him, desperate to see the reaction she knew she’d elicit, “How many times do I have to tell you I don’t mind you watching porn, but please don’t do it in the kitchen.”

He sighs and shakes his head, his lips pressed together as he fights a smile whilst she laughs at her own joke, “Very funny.” 

“I thought so,” she replies, playing with his hair, her nails blunt against his scalp. 

“It’s not porn,” he replies, rolling his eyes at her, “I was looking at places we could go on our vacation.”

It had been her idea. They both had so many vacation days to use they’d been told by Strauss that they had to take them, which, Emily thought, was probably the nicest thing the woman had ever done. Whilst she’d initially been irritated at the thought of forced time off, she was now looking forward to it. In the almost year she’d been with Aaron they’d never gone anywhere just the two of them, never had a week of uninterrupted time together, and now it was a possibility it was all she wanted. Some time with him away from their day-to-day lives, time to just exist with the man she loves. 

They decided to go away for their anniversary, and as soon as she realised Aaron had only ever been abroad for work-related things, she suggested they find somewhere in Europe. She’d left it up to him since she’d been, and lived, everywhere, and was excited to be his tour guide, to see somewhere she’d been before through his eyes. 

“Oh, let me have a look” she says, removing herself from his embrace but linking their fingers together, tugging him towards the laptop. She smiles to herself as he crowds her against the counter, his chest against her back and his chin on her shoulder as she unlocks the, now on standby, laptop. Her breath catches in her chest, trapped in a way that is painful as she fails to exhale, when she sees where he’s been looking at, visuals of tourist attractions she’d always done her best to avoid as a teenager bringing back memories that never seemed to get less painful. She’d never told him about what had happened there, had never found the right time to,  and she clears her throat, hoping her voice wouldn’t shake, “You want to go to Rome?” 

“Well, not necessarily I was just looking…” He drifts off as he feels her go tense in his arms, the levity that had existed in her frame just moments ago long gone, her shoulders tight against his chest, “Sweetheart, is something wrong?” 

She swallows thickly and shakes her head, “No, nothing is wrong. Rome is beautiful,” she replies. 

She’s furious at herself for the effect this all still seemingly had on her, how what had happened one summer a whole lifetime ago could still create a reaction. She’s also furious at him, even though she knows it's unwarranted. She’s not mad because of where he’s been researching, well aware that the city was a popular place to go, but because he has snuck under her walls. Burrowing his way through barricades she’d built long before she’d ever met him. She knows if it was anyone else, if any other person other than him, suggested going there she’d brush them off. Come up with a lie about the time of year and crowds as she effortlessly suggested somewhere else. But with him, it was impossible, his love for her a blessing and a curse all at once. She sighs as he turns her in his embrace, one palm on her back and the other on the laptop as he closes it. 

“Em, what’s wrong?” He asks, tucking hair behind her ear, his touch delicate against her cheek. He feels concern bubble in his gut, her reluctance to talk about whatever was going on a flash of the past that he hadn’t expected to see again. It had been months since they’d hid anything they felt from each other. An argument about him harbouring guilt over her getting injured on a case that had led to a mutual agreement that they’d always let each other know how they were feeling, even if it was as simple as asking for space whilst they worked through something alone. He points over his shoulder towards the home office, “Do you want me to give you some-”

“No,” she says, holding him tighter, the thought of being alone worse than anything else, “No, I…” she drifts off, the words alluding her as she shakes her head at herself. She blows out a shaky breath and squeezes his hand. She knows she doesn’t have to tell him, that she doesn’t owe him this part of her past that was hers and hers alone, but she wants to. Wants to share this part of herself that so few people knew about, “Can we go sit down?” 

“Of course,” he says, his hand tight around hers as he leads her to the living room, the journey longer than it had ever felt, the silence around them thick and cloying as they settle next to each other on the couch. She tucks her legs up under herself and leans against the back of the couch, her focus on their linked hands as she avoids his eye contact, “Em-”

“I…” she cuts him off and shakes her head at herself, “I don’t even know where to start.” 

He squeezes her hand and uses the one not linked with hers to hook a finger under her chin to make their eyes meet. The look in her eyes makes him want to pull her into a hug, to go find whatever, or whoever, had made her feel like this and tear it apart until she feels better. But he doesn’t. He knows her well enough to understand she wouldn’t want that, that she didn’t need it. She was capable of fighting her own battles, something she’d proven time and time again. What she needed was his support. For him to sit here and listen, and to stand by her side afterwards. 

“Wherever feels right,” he says, running his thumb back and forth over her jawline, “And take all the time you need.” 

She smiles sadly and nods, biting the inside of her cheek for a moment, “You know, I really wish you had been watching porn,” she jokes, and he chuckles lightly, squeezing her hand as he does so and she does it back as her smile fades, “I lived in Rome when I was 15 for about 6 months. You remember that case a few years ago, with my friend Matthew?” 

He sighs, berating himself internally for not thinking about it. He’d been so desperate to avoid Paris, to make sure he didn’t suggest the place she’d gone when she was dead to almost everyone except him, that he hadn’t even thought of the case that had led to him calling The Vatican. She watches his eyes go wide, how the few pieces of the puzzle he already had slip into place. She squeezes his hand to stop him from interrupting, an apology she doesn’t need on the tip of his tongue as he opens his mouth. 

“Honey, it’s fine. So much has happened since that case and you weren’t to know,” she smiles tightly at him, “Besides, if that was it, if it was just because it’s where I met him, I wouldn’t…” she drifts off again and clears her throat, blowing out a breath before she carries on, ready to just say it, to rip off the bandaid, “I got pregnant that summer in Rome.” 

Whatever Aaron had been expecting her to say, it hadn’t been that. He makes sure he doesn’t react, the need to defend her, to protect her from her past, rising in his chest again as all he does is squeeze her hand. 

“I had no friends, and god I just wanted someone to like me, to fit in for once, and…I ended up pregnant,” She looks down at their joint hands again, at how their fingers seemed to fit perfectly together, as if they were made for each other, “It was terrifying and awful and I didn’t know what to do. Matthew helped me. He found a doctor and held my hand as I confirmed I wanted an abortion,” she smiles sadly as she thinks of it. At the time she’d known how young they were, but looking back on it had always made it so much clearer, her heart aching for her younger self who had always looked for love in the wrong places. Something she knows continued right up until she fell in love with Aaron, “He waited out in the hall when the doctor gave me the medication, so I was alone then.” 

“Oh sweetheart,” he says, finally pulling her into a hug, no longer able to stop himself. She presses her face into his chest and curls into his lap. He runs his hand up and down her back as he kisses her forehead, “Was Matthew…”

“No,” she replies, pulling back to look at him, “He wasn’t the father, but he helped me. It’s why I was so desperate to know what happened to him because I couldn’t save him like he saved me.” 

He cups her face, running his thumb up over her cheekbone, “You got him justice, Em. That’s what’s important.” 

She nods, wishing she could believe it, the way she was sure she had let Matthew down, that she could have done more, one of the many things that kept her up at night sometimes. A parade of her past failures marching past her as sleep evaded her, her only solace the warmth of Aaron’s arm over her waist. 

“John was the father,” she says, pressing her lips together tightly, “He yelled at me when I told him I was pregnant. As if it was any less his fault than it was mine.” 

“John?” He asks, furrowing his brow, his grip on her tightening, “The guy we rescued?” He asks and she nods. He clenches his teeth and shakes his head, “If I’d have known that I would have let that priest have 5 more minutes with him.” 

It makes her laugh, something she wouldn’t have thought was ever possible when she was talking or thinking about this, and she shakes her head at him, her hand on his cheek as she kisses him quickly. 

“No you wouldn’t have, you’re too good a man for that,” she says, smiling softly, “It’s one of the many reasons I love you,” she pulls back to put a bit more space between them. “I don’t regret it, it was the right decision for me, but I wish it never happened. And it’s kind of made being there difficult,” she says, thinking of when she’d returned in her mid-20s, how she’d been surprised by how she’d been hit by emotions she’d spent a decade pretending didn’t exist. “I don’t look at the Spanish Steps and think of how beautiful they are, I think of where I sat when I had a positive pregnancy test at the bottom of my backpack, in a trance as I wondered about what the hell I was going to do. I don’t think of the Colosseum and its history, but of the tour I went on with my school whilst I had cramps so bad from the medication I’d taken that I thought I was going to pass out. It’s just…not a place with memories for me that I want to revisit.” 

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart-”

“You have nothing to apologise for,” she assures him, pushing some of his hair from his forehead, “You didn’t know. I never really knew how to tell you,” she shrugs, “I guess I was worried you’d judge me for it, which is ridiculous when I think about the other stuff you know about me.” 

He pulls her back into a hug, letting her settle against him, the weight of her in his embrace one of the most comforting things he’d ever experienced, “I’d never judge you for anything. I hope you know that.” 

She nods and turns her head to kiss his shoulder, “I know, I promise. It’s just never been easy to talk about.” 

He kisses the top of her head and holds her a little tighter, “You’re the bravest person I know, Em,” he says, smiling at her when she tilts her head to look at him, a wry smile spreading over her face. 

“Even braver than Derek?”

He nods, “It’s one thing to burst through doors, sweetheart,” he says, purposely minimising Derek’s actions at work to make her smile get wider, “But it’s another thing entirely to do what you know is right, even when it’s hard.” 

She feels love for him burst in her chest and she pulls him in for a kiss, holding him in place with her hand on his cheek. She rests her forehead against his, “I have a suggestion on where we could go instead,” she says, purposely changing the subject, desperate for some relief from the sadness that had swept over her, and he smiles encouragingly at her as she carries on, “Barcelona.” 

He can’t control the shiver that the way she says Barcelona causes, the slight accent enough to make him hold her even tighter. He allows himself to picture it. Her skin a golden colour under the Spanish sun, a glass of sangria in her hand. The engagement ring he’d bought weeks ago that was burning a hole in his briefcase on her finger from when he’d propose to her on the beach.

“Interesting,” he says, stamping another kiss against her lips, “I think I would enjoy Spain. I’d enjoy anywhere as long as I’m with you.”

She hums, “It’s beautiful,” she says, running her fingers through his hair again, “And…the beaches are gorgeous. It means I’ll be able to wear that bikini you like so much.” 

His eyes go wide and he kisses her once more, a fierce press of his lips against hers before he shifts her out of his lap and gets off the couch, already walking towards the kitchen as he replies. 

“I’ll book the flights.” 

-x-

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