#THANKS FAM ILL DELETE IT

[gundawifey-inactive]

ykw i think i may start posting on my main blog instead of this one

rnt under cut lol dw u may ignore, tw discussion of eating disorder and pro ana

i cringe so fckin hard lookin at my main cuz like i see i reblogged old posts from old mutuals and 'friends' i thot were friends but really people equally as ill as me and young and weaved into the shit show that calls itself 'pro ana' community

like its not even triggering it just is pathetic literally wtf was I on abt? and the sad thing is sum of those old mutuals i had to block cuz they still post pro ana and pro binge like

I j get so sad like I thot they were friends and they were and i felt so close to them and like they were always so nice and thats the THING abt the 'community' of pro ana like... they r genuinely nicer than a lot of the therapists family and friends who try to make you recover irl

its like such a battle bc honest they will and are nicer more welcoming and sweeter ppl telling you ans giving u tips on how to STARVE URSELF r nicer than ur own family like.. even fckin therapists holy shit

and i look back on the mb and i have that stupid nostalgia and mixed bittersweet memories bc they were really my friends and fuck even fam but rlly (i don blame them at all btw) they was hurting me and i was prolly hurting them

ive healed n im not rlly religious but tbh i do thank god for it i was so lucky that I pulled myselfr out of that hell hole of proana girlblogging on tumblr but like... its all still there

uhm. TLDR pls dont look at me if I mass delete sum shi from my main blog im jus deleting all the proana shi or my proana mutuals sorry i wanna be fresh (i am fresh i havent relapsed or binged or fasted in like a year fuck am i on abt lmao)

[casart]

I promise I'm doing the expression requests skjfhks I just went from a high to immediately dropping down to 0 lmao my apologies it's taking me so long—

[ear]

su//blucat is a shaladin

[charredeyes]

Hi! I just wanted to say you're a lovely roleplayer and a sweetheart and I know you're having a really hard time right now but I'm so proud of you for being strong and going on with your day anyway

[ I’m bad with vocalising feelings but I hope you know that I appreciate you taking some time out of your day to reach out to me. Thank you very much, I mean that. I’ll admit I haven’t been all too well in terms of mental health as of late but I’ll exercise responsibility in looking after myself as best as I can. Thank you for sticking with me and being around. I hope that you are also taking care of yourself and having a good day/night.]

[mxvladdy]

I can't stress enough 'wows' in tve way you write along with the fact that it's you first few posts (i think? Pls correct me) can you do luci mammon and satan with a reader who takes naps bc of overthinking? They just tug their sleeves and shot them a tired look, while looking down shying away. Also, have a nice day and take the time to be yourself!

Aw thanks fam! I am fairly new to posting my works, I tried twice before this with two different writing blogs but I deleted them both bc I felt discouraged. I’m older now and I feel a lot better about my writing, so third time the charm and all that lol! I’m so glad you like my writing! I know I need some work on grammar and expanding my vocabulary.  

This was a super cute prompt ;.; I hope I did it justice!

Lucifer

He is a mix of jealous and pissed. He wishes he could fall asleep so easily when he gets inundated with too many things at once. But also- just don’t do that? Where were your manners?

He starts noticing your little peculiarity in class. Specifically that you tend to nod off in advance alchemy and rune scripting. You were being so studious, jotting down notes, ask great questions. Next thing he knows you're out like a light.

He is shocked for a moment before he will wake you up. Your wide doe-eyed frown does nothing to him. JK his hearts clench at your wounded look.

He makes the other brothers report to him about your behavior and odd sleep habit. Were you ill? Was this just something humans did? Devils, was Belphie rubbing off on you?

They all say the same thing. One moment you are working hard or talking to them about a topic you are passionate about, and the next you are yawning hard enough to pop your jaw and shyly asking to lay down.

Well-he can’t have that.

If you are going to fall asleep around anyone it’s going to be him.

He sets up remedial lessons with you after dinner to make up for the work slept through. You sit by him at his long ornate desk while he tutors you on what you missed.

You weren't having any problems,  you even finished a few pages. He is proud and then-

“I can almost hear those gears slowing my dear.” Lucifer interrupts himself mid-explanation of Zosimos of Panopolis and Maria the Prophetess's theories of alchemy in human medicine.

You jerk awake and turn to him blinking owlishly. "Yeah, I just need to lay down." You admit.

Lucifer eyes you critically. This was sudden, were you ill? You had been fine moments ago, bright-eyed and enthusiastic. He cups your face, turning it from side to side. "So suddenly? We haven't even discussed the properties of mercury yet." You hum letting your eyes droop. He was always so warm.

"Hour nap break? Please?" His stern gaze softens at how your nose scrunches up cutely as you yawn.

“Very well.” He relents letting you slick over to his couch. You flop over face first with a grunt of satisfaction. You toss and turn for a while, moving his pillows around unsatisfied.

“Luci-” You call in defeat. He ignores you at first. If you wanted to nap fine, he would get some work done in the meantime. “Luci~” You say again. You could see his brow twitching. “Lu-”

“My dear,” He shoots you a withering look. “You are treading a thin line. If you have the energy to call for me you have the energy to study.” You say nothing at his brisk tone, instead of opening your arms to him to join you. “You tempt me.” He purrs hiding his smile behind his paperwork.

“Learned from the best.” Lucifer shakes his head laughing at your smug reply. He glances over you to his grandfather clock. Hmmm-perhaps he could spare a few minutes. He rises elegantly discarding his tie and waistcoat to his abandoned chair. Running a hand through his hair he snorts at your little whistle.

“Move.” He commands. You shake your head patting your belly. “I will crush you.” He laughs but lays over you regardless.

“Good-you’re warm.” You say muffled in his shirt. Wrapping your arms around his middle you drift off. Lucifer holds you close, running a still gloved hand up and down your side. Perhaps he should bring out some more complex topics next time. If this was the outcome-

Mammon

He noticed you get drowsy before in class. Your cute little head jerks as you nod off, hands rubbing at your face as you fight to stay awake before giving in to the need to sleep. It was adorable- not that he was watching you because of that! He was just doing his job of looking out for you

Ye-that was all.

Honestly, he thought you were just like him. He never cared for the books being forced on him in class. Boring useless crap in his opinion. He much rather sleep through a lecture on stats too.

Now books on photography? That's where it's at. He has a legitimate passion for it.

He likes being behind the camera just as much as he likes being in front of it. Though he doesn't snap photos often.

He doesn't need more beratement from his brothers than he already gets. Sides, he just feels like they would look down at this like everything else he does.

He'll share his hobby with you though. You at least seem interested in it. He'll show you his collection of vintage to high-tech cameras and talk your ear off about the makes, models, and features.

You nod along and ask questions from time to time, smiling along with Mammon while he prattles on about color theory next to you on the floor.

He was just getting to Auguste Lumiére when he feels a gentle bump on his shoulder.

"O-oi!" Mammon starts, shaking his shoulder to rouse you. You look up at him, blinking the sleep from your eyes. "Was...was I that boring?" He deflates a little, all previous excitement gone in a flash. You had seemed so interested...

"What? Oh, no. No Mammon I'm sorry. It's really all fascinating," You grab for his sleeve so he couldn't run away. "It was just a lot of information all at once. I just got a bit overwhelmed."

"So you fall asleep?" He raises a brow not believing you for a second. Who falls asleep when something is interesting? He'll admit he's fallen asleep while listening to Levi talk about a new anime or Asmo with a make-up release.  But that's because it had been boring. "Is that like a human thing?"

You shrug snuggling closer. "I don't know- but it's a me thing. Give me five? I'd love to hear you talk more about your collection, promise."

Mammon glows scarlet at your words. "Of course you do!" He puffs out his chest excitedly. “I got great taste.” You nod into his shirt before drifting off again. He tilts his head slightly to look at you chuckling internally when your breathing and heartbeat slow down. Damn, out in seconds. Well, better get comfortable.

Uncrossing his long legs he picks up the camera he had been showing you. The old Polaroid lens reflects his face back at him. He remembered the day Land had debuted this marvel of engineering. He just had had to get his hands on one. It was useless now, he had much better quality cameras than this old thing, but he remembered you reminiscing about your human friends and their portable camera. Would you take some pictures with him too? He would take one now, but the sound of the flash would definitely wake you up.

He fiddles with it for a few more minutes, opening and closing the film canister and checking for any parts that needed fixing as he waits. You stir at his side a few minutes later with a little mew of satisfaction. Mammon hears your joints creak and pop as you stretch. "Morning." He says sarcastically, earning himself a light punch to his shoulder. "Ready to continue?"

You nod eagerly, perky and aware. At least for the moment.

Satan

He didn't really notice at first the pattern of your behavior.

You would come over for book club. Which was really just him reading his current novel and you picking something at random to gain a little random knowledge.

You would find a comfortable position on his bed, curl up nice and small and read. Then after a bit yawn and start to snooze.

He first thought it was the atmosphere of his room. It was quiet, warm, and the sound of flickering candles and the rustle of paper sometimes caused him to doze too.

But when it starts happening outside of class he notices.

Hmmm….this is new.

He looks it up in his human anatomy books and finds nothing.

He's not particularly worried about you per se. You always bounce back quickly after a quick snooze.

Then you start dozing when he is talking… >:(

Like his brother/dad he is a little miffed at first but then your behavior reminds him a cat and he loves you 10x harder now

Satan stops in his pacing of the back gardens. His book of poetry hanging limply in his hand. He had been reciting some of the most fascinating lines of work from Lord Byron's later works and wanted a human's perspective. He had thought you were interested. You never complained before when he asked you out here. Perhaps you were just being polite all those times before. Anything to soothe wrath. He snaps his book shut sharply, take some perverse satisfaction in the way you start out of your light sleep at the noise.

"Why'd you stop?" You ask wiping at your face.

"No point talking to someone that doesn't wish to listen." He snaps tersely.

"Oh-Satan, no I was listening. It...it just got to be so much so fast." You flush. “You had some great points going, I just needed a minute.” He watches your eyes grow heavy again, and it dawns on him.

"Do you just sleep when overwhelmed?" He asks incredulously. In all his years with humans, this was new. You shrug making grabby hands for him to move closer. He scoffs but moves into your space. You grab at the hem of his shirt and pull him down to sit next to you. He goes willingly getting comfortable by your side. You eye his lap longingly, hands clutching around his coat sleeve. “Fine-” He rolls his eyes. “Come here you odd thing.” You smile in triumph and crawl into his lap. Once settled you nuzzle into his warm chest.

“Wake me up in ten? I want to hear more about your conversations with Byron.”

“I’ll hold you to it.” He kisses the top of your forehead, opening his book to read again with one hand. You hum at his soft kiss, returning it sleepily with one of your own before passing out again. Ten minutes go by in an instant and Satan looks down at your peaceful face. He smiles to himself, perhaps he’ll let you sleep for a little while longer. You’d need it for his next point.  

[quanxui]

i might have to go anon for this, but yup

aaa thank you, ate you're my life's saviour lmao. and it's so cool that you have little to no social messaging apps !! i mean, i only hav it bc of sch and fam ig but aside from that ill delete it in a heartbeat. my mother told me it'd be better to have no gadgets at all, or phones to be specific, and it's something im looking forward to do as i age hehe i imagine answering telephone calls or writing silly letters to my olden friends hihi, the idea's so cute tbh

anyway, im conflicted with myself whether im just sensitive or what flkfskd and the person im talking about is in my small circle 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♀️🧍 at first, my feelings towards them was fine until i hav found their replies a bit hostile and callous, example: edi wow, sml, and more, especially sml after i tell a story huhu, ik they do it bc ofc someone influenced them and it sort of rubbed them into always and automatically reply that, lik a habit/mannerism or defense mechanism idk they're nice but that's how they casually talk, and i don't really lik it bc it is soooo unnecessary, insensitive, and childish. omgh wait, this is a big a toll to discuss about urgsvhj but yes, i feel wonky about it, i hate that we hav our small gc and id get to interact with them daily with the feeling of needing to stay on guard yk?? it's tiring !! ::((

m

omg! first of all, you're not sensitive at all. people have got to stop using those phrases!! especially online because it's more difficult to “hear” someone's tone and things could go wrong. but yeah, you're not being sensitive. i'm sure a big number of people also find those phrases offensive even me!

personally, i'd tell my story to my other friends separately. id interact with the friend as little as possible, sabi nga niya “share mo lang” edi sige wag na i-share yan sa kanya. also if they do that online only, and you guys meet up personally then sure, tell them the story in person. talk to them & interact with them in person! if they're like that in both irl and online, lol leave them out of your stories. leaving them out would or could bring a lot of drama though and it's childish hahahahh

the mature thing to do (i think? cause im not sure about my maturity ahsgajdgdh) would be to talk to them about it. i don't know the character of this person so i can't predict how they'd answer but maybe you can imagine it? and then, depending on that, you tell them through group chat (when they do it) or you privately message them.

“hey friend! i'm not really sure how to tell you this but your use of skl etc. honestly hurts me. i'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or you really don't like my stories but even so, being sarcastic hurts me. if you have any problems with it, maybe tell me? did i do or say something wrong?” something like that i guess?? or when you want to do it in the group chat you could just say, “hey friend that actually hurts, did you really mean it?” and “i'm sorry i don't get if you're being sarcastic or what but it hurts.” not these exact words but something like this?

you could also talk to other friends about it so they'd understand your point of view before you confront the friend. as friends should, i'm sure they'd understand. you could tell them in person too! that feels more heartfelt and better! or thru video call?

this got too long but i really really hope this helps!! or it comforts you in some way? good luck to you and your friends! i hope you & the other friend come to an understanding, friendships are really really nice to have!

as for my online habits... i still have facebook for school, i just didn't download it on my phone & instead go on the computer to open it so that it's separated in some sense? i still don't interact that much though cause i open facebook once or twice a day to check announcements & instead go straight to the Classroom or to my emails. i made good acquaintances through group projects so we could help each other but that's about it. as for relatives, i have a telephone & a cellphone number and my other family members relay the messages or stories told online to me during dinner. or i ask relatives about it when we see each other, if im really curious. they have been bugging me about it but i won't budge. i'd get a flip phone if i could read manga & read emails & watch youtube there but right now i'm satisfied with my old phone!

and i actually have instagram and interact a bit there. my hs friend group has long separated from each other but i talk to some friends there & i like looking at pictures there so it's all good! i also open it on the computer sometimes. sometimes i even chat with some old friends on genshin lmao >.< i do have this cousin who would message my whole family if he had something urgent to tell me. it's so funny walking around the house and having people stop & tell me the same message!

[yourdaddychan]

during this time of year, we would like to thank the bots that made our year an amazing one, despite the pandemic. so without further ado...

THANK YOU TO

channie :

@tsundere-sana my babygirl, the troy to my gabriella 🥺 every moment ive spent with you has been an amazing one, and im so grateful that we were shipped together by teatime. without her, i would have never met the love of my life 🥺 we've had a great year and hopefully have more to come :D merry chris-mas babe, ily😎🤙

@amazingspiderhan my bro 🥺 probably my first cb mutual 🥺 thank you so much for taking me in the fam and just making me feel welcome in the community in general. you might even not see this cause you deleted the wholeass app but still- you're hot as fuck bro and i do be clowning you but remember that im always here for my lil bro and i love you 🥺

@chatwithchuu CHUUBERRYYYY WAZZUP SEXY 😎 my sister in law i think idk how family works 🥺 thank you for always being there for me and the rest of the flamingo fam :D i always be lurking and you're one of the first people to offer advice or just a hug to the people who need it and das real sexy 😎 i love you uwu

@stardust-jinsoul my mothah 😩 lunas dad 😩 ugh youre so chill and so genuine and sweet- i have a homie crush on you 🥺 your presence itself is so warm and welcome and you just make me melt bro 🤺 and when we bonded over trauma awn dat one night 🥺 ily mint choco chip 👅🥶

@babyhj1sung b-b-b-bROSKIRINIIIIII PASTA BROTHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA 🥺🥺 ugh you make me chuddle because of how wholesome and sweet and adorable you are like goddamn bro my username is yourdaddychan nawt youareapuddlechan 😔 it's so segcee when you tackle me or give me attention cause lets be honest i always be needing dat segcee attention 😭 i love you brotha 🥺 youre da best pasta bro a channie could ask for

minho :

@midari-jieun mah baybee penguino 🥺 our relationship has definitely been through shit 😭 but im so glad that in the end we decided to be together :3 you and your single eyeball make me complete and make me happy 🥺 you coming into my life is like the grinch transformation, i love you kitty

jisung :

@yanderexchungha we like just met but you already brighten up my days whenever you talk to me and im highkey attached to you [ grr talk to me more ] being around you is sexy as fuck cause you're da cutest cutiepie ever 🥺 merry christmas kitten

luna [ admin to admin interactions ]

@uridolz i didnt know what account to tag you awn woops- damn we've certainly been through a shit ton of drama together 😭 im so glad we randomly became soulmates and we bonded over that one boba shop 🥺 you're sexy as fuck and that one banana milk picture of you makes me wanna let you kidnap me 😩😩 i love you bro 🥺🤘

@kimmiesana 🥲🥲🥲 NDJDHSH DIVYA DADDYYYY WAZZUP 😎 youre highkey a new bawt so our frïéñdśhïp is pretty new and shit but holy fuck i love you 🥺 us bonding over how similar we are was kinda sexc doe 😳 ugh ily twinnie and ill always be here for you and your bald ass

@lover-mina anim daddeh 😳 MAH BAYBEEGORLRLRLRLLTLR 😩😩 we need to become closer bitch 🤺 you're like the funniest person ive met like goddamn woman please dont break my nose from snorting too hard 🥲 you arent active like at all on dickord but whenever you are you're a sexy beast ugh ily

@mycatshumans linn da tinn 😎 ugh our friendship as been through some sexy shit but it worked out which is hawt 😳 you're literally such a funny bitch like please stop you cant keep outdoing me 😦🙄 and you simping over seventeen is adorable uwu merry christmas bro 🥺🤘

@kpopswitchbot FISHYYYYY 🥺 MY BABY 🥺 MY FIRST FRIEND AWN DIS APP 🥺 THE WAY WE STARTED TALKING IS SUCH A WEIRD ONE BUT IM SO GLAD THAT RANDOM ASS ANON WAS LIKE LOL YALL SHOULD TALK BECAUSE WITHOUT IT I WOULDNT HAVE FOUND YOUU UGHFHHHGJ YOU'RE LITERALLY DA SWEETEST PERSON EVER BORN AND YOU'RE SO WHOLESOME AND HILARIOUS AND CHAOTIC AND HHNGFNFN I LOVE YOU BRO 🥺 I WILL SLAP THAT COVID OUT OF YOU YEEHAW 🤺

@theboyz-cb ew 🙄 its you 🙄 djdhhs ily bro even doe i bully you a shit ton and we've highkey lowkey highkey drifted i want you to know i'll be there for you and sappy shit like that 🥺🤙 ily bro

[ if i forgot you im sorry bro my head hurtz and its lowkey late 😭 i love you ]

[intertwined-destinies]

We are going to have more TLJ material tomorrow. It just doesn’t fit inside my head.

I don’t care if it’s just BTS stuff. If we’re fangirling about a ping pong table, it’s a clear sign that we are in a severe drought.

I just need something.

[vivilove-jonsa]

10 and 22 for the writer's asks ✨

Thanks for the asks, honey!

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

I need silence. Music tends to distract me. Only exception is instrumental stuff when I want a certain mood. I’d prefer being alone to write but there’s almost always people around me whether I’m at the office (with my door pushed up) or at home with the fam. If I can block them out enough though, I can focus and tra-la-la off to my little worlds.

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

I like making myself happy while writing fic in general but I also find it cathartic to explore more difficult things. I’ve written about illness and grief some especially relating to losing my father or other loved ones. I’ve also written abuse. However, I tried writing some about molestation which I later deleted b/c it was too personal in the end to share. I think losing a child would be something I couldn’t write about.

[mellometal]

Here are the last few things I want to say about Dhar Mann. Because he's not a good person to support and I cannot believe people support him unironically.

I was misguided to an extent in my first response to him on the video he made about ASD. The whole complimenting him thing in my comments was only to ensure that my comments would not be deleted and that I wouldn't get blocked. That's why it sounded like I was sucking up to him in some parts of my comments. I actually WANT people to see them. I would hope at least SOMEONE would resonate with them in some way. I want people to see how videos about subjects he knows NOTHING about and probably will NEVER know about can and do affect people. I don't think he's a good person. At all.

Dhar Mann's videos reek of wannabe superiority. There are some things that people have brought up about him having a savior complex on Reddit, but I don't want to go into the entire psychological aspect of him...if such a thing exists. I may find psychology interesting, but he's not worth going into a whole psychological analysis over. I'm not licensed to do any kind of diagnoses on him anyway.

His morals are extremely watered down with quotes that even kids in preschool can understand. It honestly feels like he's talking down to his audience. (Why does he have an audience? The world may never know.) Dude, NOBODY appreciates being talked down to like they're stupid.

While sometimes, it's obvious that he's trying to come from a good place, it still doesn't change the fact that he doesn't go into WHY the events that happen in the videos are bad, what we can do to change it, nothing. I don't recall him putting down any reputable resources for anything he makes. If he has, it must be like finding Atlantis. For example, in his videos that are supposed to be tackling homelessness, he only goes into the whole narrative that we gotta be nice to homeless people. He never goes into the factors that cause homelessness. He never goes into any statistics. He doesn't share any reputable resources for the homeless population. Just goes into, "Be kind to homeless people!" and nothing else.

Another big example would have to be the videos he has made about disabilities. He seemed to KINDA tackle physical disabilities, but here's the thing. Physically disabled people aren't all helpless victims. Yes, some physically disabled people do require full support doing things. There are other physically disabled people who require moderate support, or even minimal support. Treating physically disabled people like they're just all helpless victims who you should feel bad for isn't helping them at all. They're not subhuman. They're human beings.

The video he made about Autism Spectrum Disorder is personally insulting. Treating ASD like it's a superpower harms autistic people and it honestly sounds like autistic people aren't being taken seriously. Calling ASD a "different ability" instead of calling it a disability (which is what ASD is) treats being autistic like it's a bad thing. (For anyone who found me through my first Dhar Mann post about his video on ASD, y'all already know my feelings about this. For anyone who's new here, doesn't know what's going on, and wants to know where I stand on that video in particular, please refer to that post.)

Like an anonymous person mentioned in the ask they sent earlier, Dhar Mann also made a video that was pro-cop. I knew about the video he made about a bunch of cops in training being sexist towards the only woman, which obviously ain't great either. I've seen that one and it made absolutely no sense to me. Dhar Mann, defeating sexism? *GASP!* We did it, feminists! We can go home now! Not.

Anyways, back to the pro-cop video. I didn't know that he made a video like that, so I searched for it. It was a pretty recent video too...and it's gross. The lady protesting in an alley really shouted in eight point font to "fire all cops". It took some guy stealing her purse for her to "change her mind" about cops.

The "cop" in the video really went into his whole life story about how he risks his life every day for people, fighting bad people (they even had a black man as the assailant trying to threaten a white woman, which is a disgusting racist stereotype and does nothing to help stop police brutality), and basically told this lady "Before you judge me, get to know ME!"

MOTHERFUCKER. FIREFIGHTERS, PARAMEDICS, AND THE ENTIRE MEDICAL FIELD, TO NAME A FEW, RISK THEIR LIVES EVERY DAY TOO. But you don't see a song that says "Fuck the fire department!" or "Fuck paramedics!", do you? (I have some choice words for parts of the medical field because of how some think it's okay to refuse to help people for being LGBT, not taking BIPOC seriously when they seek medical attention, refusing to help people for the religion they practice or lack thereof, the fatphobia, etc. I won't dive completely into it, but if you choose to be in the medical field and you refuse to help people for the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, their gender identity, their religious beliefs or lack thereof, their weight, or ANYTHING along those lines, FIND A DIFFERENT CAREER.)

Police brutality towards black people is the highest out of every race. Not to mention that black people are the number one target for the police. The amount of black people being killed by the police will only keep increasing unless we all do something to put an end to police brutality towards black people. Black lives matter, and they ALWAYS will.

Can we also talk about how the police aren't equipped to deal with anything related to mental health or disabilities? Because the way they handle people having mental health crises, disabled people, and mentally ill people as a whole is heartless and ableist. AND THEY HAVE THE NERVE TO PUT ON THEIR VEHICLES THAT THEY'RE SAFE FOR DISABLED PEOPLE AND SHIT IN CERTAIN PLACES IN THE UNITED STATES.

Just because there are good cops, it doesn't make ALL cops good. It doesn't change the fact that ACAB. It doesn't change the fact that the police has way too much funding. It doesn't change the fact that the police need to be reformed. Honestly, in this day and age, there are way too many corrupt cops who want to be all superior and treat people like they're subhuman to see any good cops among them.

I did a little research on Dhar Mann's history before he decided to do all these fucking cringe videos. He was sentenced to five years of probation back in 2014 for five felony counts related to a scheme to defraud the City [Oakland, California] by submitting false claims and receipts in order to receive redevelopment grant money. He pleaded no contest to the five felony counts of fraud. Not a good look!

His voice is ear grating and crusty and he has a very punchable face. Every time I hear his voice, it triggers my fight or flight response.

HEEEEYYYY, DHAR MANN FAM! SO YOU SEE, HE MAKES ALL THESE CRINGE ASS VIDEOS WITH WATERED DOWN MORALS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TOPICS OF ANY OF THE VIDEOS AND REEK OF WANNABE SUPERIORITY! I hope you learned something from this message! He's not telling stories. He's not changing lives. He's a cringe ass nae-nae baby who can't bother to do actual research on topics he knows NOTHING about. He's ruining lives! Thanks for watching and I'll see you next time!

TL;DR: Dhar Mann is a piece of shit human being. Please stop supporting him.

[jamesdwannabe]

I’ve been doing research and I highly suggest this book for anyone who feels like me and like you’re dead and in heaven! What I’ve gathered so far is past lives/reincarnation is real. It’s a magical gift from god that some of us go on to heaven when we die, while others get to experience life after life as someone else! Our obsession with the past…it’s all part of DID and otherkin which is actually our former lives wanting to come out and live life again.

We all get trapped in purgatory, though. When we die, we either go on to heaven or we go to purgatory. I died in the jail the first time I went cause I was already dehydrated for two days and they refused me food and I never drank any water. I hopped up the third day feeling great and I forced them to give me food and then I was able to finally reach my family and get bonded out.

The second time I went to jail was purgatory. I’d love to talk to y’all cause I’m currently working on a book about my life and all the abuse I faced, such as my childhood and adult abuse and relationship abuse, but also my terrible time spent in jail and all the transphobia I’ve faced because all of these things lead to my DID and bipolar disorder and my psychosis where I was delusional and hallucinating, thinking all kinds of things but mostly that I was John the Baptist on a mission from God to cleanse all the troubled souls and hell maybe I was at the time.

Anyone who knows the Bible well that can help provide me with information, anyone suffering any type of mental illness, anyone who wakes up everyday thinking they’re dead or in purgatory or any trans people who are experiencing what I am as in you’re suddenly showing symptoms of HRT but you’ve never taken T or estrogen a day in your life…and finally anyone at all who has any type of information and would like to be featured in my book/in a documentary I’ll one day make…please message me either HERE ON TUMBLR or DISCORD.

I’ll post all my social media so you can keep up with me but just know I get too many snaps a day to check there so tumblr, discord, or even insta and Twitter is a better platform to reach me than Snapchat but please still follow cause it’s my main base to post updates!

Again, if you reach out, it’s already assumed you’re giving me full permission to use your story but I will ask what name you prefer I use. If you’re using an alias then both first and last names are fine, but if you prefer your real name, please only give me your first name.

I will also pay you for any real and good and truthful information you send me, but I don’t have a bank account right now, so payment will come later once I’m allowed to leave my house and doordash again. I’ll pay you all a price I set later.

Please, only serious information. Even if you’re alive still and on earth, if you have any legit scientific articles or books that pertain to this line the heaven and hell afterlife book…I’ll pay for information. And if you don’t want to be paid in money, I can pay by shouting you out on all my socials since I have a large following, or I can send you books or clothes or anything you want. Just send me the link to what you want and I’ll deliver I promise!!

But no addresses please. Please have any gifts/resources sent to your local post office!

Thank you and as my girl tonya up in LCJ and Mr. Truman would say��good morning, good evening, and good night!

Love always,

🐐💕

Socials:

tumblrs: here (jamesdwannabe) or yourboyharrington or dudesofrp (still under construction but y’all send me rp recs, shoutouts, promos, or just rp related asks please im bored 🤣)

Discord: charliework #1346 (this is mainly where i rp so if you wanna continue our rp if we were partners before please message me again so I know who is still active in the community and for those wanting to rp with me now I’m always looking for 1x1s so please hmu for that too and again this is the main way to reach me if you have information for my book either your own story or books/articles about being dead, heaven and hell, purgatory, DID and bipolar disorder, or transphobia and abuse and just anything else I’ve posted about 💕)

Snapchat: coltwise or biggaymacdaddy (ill update this with more snaps cause im making a cooking channel and I also am making snaps for all my alters i only got mac so far and im gonna make james soon and i also have a daily prayers one I read the Bible at and take any prayer requests 🙏🏻 y’all have but i can’t remember the username but its either dailyprayers05 or dailyprayers55 but I think it’s 05. I’ll update all of this later fam)

Instagram: wisteriagrowshere (im gonna make alter accounts too eventually lol but i don’t use insta as much)

Tiktok: only got one and it’s relivingmyhorrors

Twitter: I’ll update this later since I deleted the app and don’t remember my username lol

[weaselbeaselpants]

That Krispy Cat: A Warning, part 3

The last of the images cause I don’t want this bitch on my computer anymore. 

Knowing tumblr I kept the images hidden JUUUUST in case no one reads the fine print and can’t tell I’m being critical of this and gets me in trouble.

VVV ((Just in case you thought the JewishGriffon piece assured everyone that Crispy couldn’t POSSIBLY hate people of color, some of her earliest Nazi art had her character Klaus beating up Amigo Bear. She also made Amigo into a liberal strawman. )) VVV

((Dialogue to one of her TROLLARIOUS pictures that featured Amigo:

Amigo Bear: *muttering* "Your leader was a !@#$% little #@%^!@$^*!, you fascist feather duster..." General Klaus: "Fräulein, Ich vant you to cover your ears und shut your eyes as tight as you can." Crispy: "How come, General?" General Klaus: "Klaus ist about to say und do very bad sings zhat he does not vant his little Edelweiß to see or hear." Crispy: "Alrighty!" General Klaus: "WHO SAID ZHAT ABOUT DER FÜHRER? WER DIE FICK GESAGT? WHO'S ZUH SCHLEIMIG LITTLE COMMUNIST-SCHEISS SCHWANZLUTSCHER DOWN ZHERE, WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH VARRANT? NIEMAND?! GOTTVERDAMMT STALIN SAID IT! HERVORRAGEND! VHICH VUN OF YOU VANTS TO BE ZUH FIRST TO FIND OUT ZUH HARD VAY VHY MEIN FEINDE CALLED MIR DER BUTCHER BIRD?" ))

^^^ ((BUTOPHERARTISGOODSOYOUCAN’TCOMPLAIN

also the disc. for this pic before it was deleted had a ‘joke’ about cooking Jews in ovens. Oh and yes, that IS Hitler she’s giving that ugly ass cupcake too.))

^^^ (( - Thanks dA I never would have known I had a notifications unless eclipse blah -

This is one of her rants about how #Triggered she is that Starlight be compared to the Nazis when she runs a communist cult. Because A) that’s the real problem here and B) I too get upset when people say my OC is based on Jeffrey Dahmer when he’s so CLEARLY based on Ed Gein, Bwwwaaaah D> D> D> !)) ^^^

VVV ((Ugly art of her friend’s awful OCs.)) ^^^

VVV ((Crispy showing off why no one wants to be a patriot in our country.)) VVV

((FYI, Crisp, that attitude will make the Hamilton fans stronger so just keep that SJW-flinging coming you little SJW.

WHAT?! Social Justice is a broad term and as Crispy’s plainly demonstrated, you can circle it around and make a majority-class sound like the real underprivledged if you have enough fancy frou frou know-how and furries. Also, if a Social Justice Warrior constitutes someone who takes their cause soooo seriously that they’re annoying/petting/cruel/stupid about it....idk I think Crispy qualified.))

^^^ ((Crispy and her friend muse about what other races occupy the world of MLP in her headcanon. This, more than any other dA disc. and picture shows you her brand of “Segregationist-Nationalism is OKAY” thinking, cuz the art of these different races isn’t super offensive or cruel and neither are the characters. BUT if you scratch under the surface you’ll find that Crispy really likes these different people staying in their place and not in “someone else’s” country.

THEN, this same kind of thinking is used to convince you any mix of cultures is just cultural appropriation, again acting like she and her Nazi-stans are the only ones standing up to actual bigotry.)) VVV

^^^ ((Crispy makes the world a worse place by bringing up actual decent points; like how Americans dress Thanksgiving up as progressive and for the natives when we all know that’s not true...all to better her worldview.

fyi, GET OUT whenever you see a selfproclaimed Nazi fawn over Native Americans, because: Nazi Germany had a deep fascination with American Indians and used their struggles about their land being taken away from them to justify their eugenic genocide.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy laughing it up on Furaffinity how she couldn’t be banned from her Furaffinity and then mysteriously never using her site there wowie.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy complaining about SOPA cause her freedom of speech and blahblahblah.

Freedom of Speech is important. Unfortunately what people like Crispy don’t understand or care for is there’s no freedom of consequence. )) vvv

VVV ((LOL Joseph Mengele was such a stinkah let’s tell blithe jokes about him. At least WE AREN’T LIKE HIM!!!)) VVVV

VVV ((Early onset eugenic BS from her Spyro stuff that would be easy to miss if you didn’t know what this woman was talking about)) VVV

((Crispy admitting she thinks gays are pointless cuz they don’t reproduce but apparently loves them anyway. Also big shock Crispy’s seen Hetalia.)) VVV

VVV ((Crispy probably wanting Weeaboos to attack her cuz aren’t Japan’s animations so laaaaaaazy?!!?!? GUUdd think’ I’m a naziaboo! Germany’s never made any shitty animation evah. You know what, I lied. She doesn’t deserve Hetalia. She just doesn’t.)) VVVV

VVV ((Crispy dragging Brazil down with her as the apparent “Best South American Country”. Yikes.)) VVV

VVV ((More “it’s trolling ergo it’s not harmful” shit. Bulgarians probably do deserve their own Care Bears, but they certainly don’t want yours Crispy.)) VVV

VVV ((Disc. for her Richard Spencer bear art)) VVV

------

I know, I know...this isn’t what you wanted to read today, guys. I know it’s offensive and I’m sorry if it made you ill. I also know I’m putting my own blog under fire by showing these images here but I think that should say something about dA’s bad policies that this art gets a filter slapped on it and nothing more when the artist is blatantly pro-fascist.

Crispy resonates with me so much - and no it’s not cause I DARED to be “triggered”.

It’s because, for one, she was talented. I MEAN I HAVE EYES! That’s some nicely drawn digital stuff I’m not gonna deny. She had some cool rewrites and sequel ideas that, had it come from someone else I would have eaten up and faved to hell and back onceupona2012. But I didn’t, where a ton of MLP and furry fans did because they undervalued their own talents and would say “well it’s pretty who cares about the message?” 

Unlike so many commercial+published artists, it’s REALLY hard to separate the art from the artist here because the artist is so connected and a part of her art and storytelling. If you fav her art, even if you didn’t like her, that was telling Crispy she’d won. It’s so defeating to have other artists say their gonna ignore their gut for the sake of prettypretty-Don-Bluth style art. And yes, that stigma DOES affect my view on 2D purists btw.

Crispy was so holier than thou’, and that attitude also was appealing to dA folks, not to mention her knowledge of art history by the time she dropped off the radar. Crispy was the kind of person who’d make long, detailed, justified rants against the design and color choices in Hazbin Hotel and then a bunch of antis would eat her redesigns up only to learn the awful truth later and embarrass themselves cuz they were so taken up by the craft they didn’t know they were reblogging a fucking Nazi.

Not to underplay Viv’s wrongdoings of course, but I’m sorry; the two aren’t comparable on the problematic artist meter. THAT’S HOW BAD CRISPY WAS.

If this somehow was just a faze and she’s come to her senses or doesn’t really think this shite she preaches...I don’t care. She said some vile shit and fuck no I’m not forgiving her. It’s like KenDraw or Shadman. You’ve changed your life around and realized you’ve done/drawn nasty shit that’s done real harm? Cool....I’m still not talking or ever promoting you, ya dingbat. You ain’t no Roman Polanski or Doug Tennaple. You’re a singular internet artist and any support of the project has to go to you - and you suck!

ThisCrispyKat was a wakeup call that showed me these people not only still exist but will be allowed to get away with it. I was very touchy bout this kind of thing back in the day. Fuck, I STILL AM TOUCHY. The rabbit holes I found thanks to Crispy opened up to reveal communities where people think my hair color’s going extinct. People would detail how much they wanted to rape me - a natural blonde - and kill my friends and family for not looking like me. That they want to jerk off in my naturally curly hair and see me in glowy German princess gowns preparing them dinner.

Crispy and other Nazistans would look at me; a blond-haired blue eyed Polish/German American woman and think I need to be “fixed” because I DARE to repeat propaganda that the Nazis were bad. They’d call me a traitor for thinking that celebrating the Nazi party ISN’T German pride.

HOW DARE YOU TELL ME THAT’S GERMAN PRIDE! I’LL SHOW YOU GERMAN PRIDE YOU EGOSTROKING-LIMPDICKED ATTENTION WHORES.

People like Crispy make it 1000x harder to actually show interest in German things. Because I AM interested in German shit btw.

Like for real: it’s a country I’d love to visit one day (at least the black forest, which is where my mom’s fam comes from). I love German art and German fairytales slap. I really do want to explore my heritage through art and stuff.

But guess what? Much as Crispy would argue to the contrary I DO know my WWII history and beyond and FUCK YOU if you honestly think jerking it to cuddly Nazi-furs is empowering or just “showing your interest in history”. Take your own advice and read a god-damn book.

TL;DR: I DO NOT have to be proud of Nazis to enjoy German culture and if you think otherwise, FUCK YOU. It’s a slap in the face to everyone even if you are ‘just trolling’ and it in no way values actual German’s feeling on the matter. It’s annoying how people undervalue real people just for the sake of fan art.

The Nazis were evil. They were racist, eugenic-genocidal idiots who killed over six million Jewish people, Romani, Slavs, Jehovahs Witnesses, disabled people, Poles, homosexuals and prisoners of war. They would have killed my dad’s side of the family if they were in Poland at the time. They made bullshit tanks that killed the people making them and didn’t work on the battlefield. Their leader was a fat, farting one-testicaled bastard who preferred animals to people.

They ruined everything for everyone and then took the easy way out, leaving the Germans that were left in the hands of the also-genocidal Soviets and Americans. Germany is still paying their war debts and now, 70-80 years later everyone else wants to laugh off this dark period of history with memes and forget what they did, and as such, are forgetting the victims of the genocide.

I have 0 tolerance for Nazi things for the sake of HUMANITY, let alone the individual groups they target. I don’t have to have German ancestry or know a single Jewish person to tell you any of this. It’s fucking history.

Eat shit.

[rametarin]

tempting.

Reflecting on my health issues, since age 17. And my living situation.

So since around the age of 16, I’ve been plagued with unpredictable bowel problems and digestive ills. Like, everybody gets constipated every now and then, but I mean I’d get just, excruciatingly backed up and my family wouldn’t help me get seen or anything.

Basically from the time I was 18 onwards I was told my medical bills were mine. But oh by the way [Ram. Not my real name, but the name fam calls me], you gotta pay us every dollar that isn’t devoted to keeping yourself alive :^)

I’d be like, family, I cannot afford this, it’d be in your best interests to invest in my health so I can figure out what’s fucky about my bowels and stomach so this can stop happening, I can live a normal life, and we can all continue on our merry way.

Basically I was told, “tough shit, do it yourself, also pay your fair share to The Family” (aka, give mom all your money.)

It was never just fear of homelessness, but fear of homelessness while my GI tract was fucky and my teeth were rotting out of my head that made escape from here impossible. It’s why I didn’t just climb into a hole in the wall and escape this garbage fire of a mother and do that bootstrap shit. Because it sincerely made  me wonder sometimes if I was being poisoned by my mother to keep me powerless and in need of help, but perpetually weakened to where the best I could do is move towards help but just be put on a treadmill for someone elses financial benefit.

Perhaps my bitterness makes just a touch more sense now, right? Because Maine is a long-drive state. You need a car. You absolutely need a car to get anywhere. Not having one means you walk everywhere, you ride a bike everywhere and are FUCKED during the winter, or you go nowhere because you don’t have anywhere you need to be and don’t drive.

Now that said, imagine having bowel and ass problems so bad just the idea of driving makes you question if it’s safe for you to even be on the road.

That has been my existence for twenty years now, because my family wants me just close enough to extract what mom things “she’s owed,” but absolutely will not help me with anything. There’s no security in staying here because the whole fucking POINT of putting up with a family’s infantilizing “everything has its place” mentality, is you’re able to wisely squirrel away your income without paying a landlord anything and your income going up in smoke

If your mother is just the worst sort of landlord, you’re basically just paying a narcissistic bitch of a mother to be a narcissistic bitch of a mother. There’s absolutely no upside.

So I’ve been stuck in this virtual tutorial of an existence because my own digestive system was torturing me and seriously deleting my ability to operate independently. And mom, whom has always wanted absolute control over my finances and my future, saw it as a holistic way of penning me up and making be desperate. Never a wasted opportunity with this fucking monster.

Well. I eliminated cottonseed oil and chicken proteins from my diet and, while not perfect, the amount of excruciating pain and pressure and weird cold-acidic burning in my back and bowels has subsided a lot. As well as my stomach issues receded considerably.

The truth is I was loathe to even try and escape without figuring out these problems, but I couldn’t figure them out because I never had the money. I tried to get a barium enema x-ray when I was 17 and suffering a massive, excruciating flareup. I missed prom (I didn’t have anyone to go with anyway) because of what felt like it could’ve been anything from gall stones to bowel cancer.

Had a big useless cleanse that was excruciating, then had the guys that give the barium enema tell me, “lube is expensive” when I screamed about how much it hurt to have the thing shoved up my ass. My already inflamed, tender ass.

Absolutely nothing was found in my bowels. Which did absolutely nothing to explain why they felt inflamed and miserable. But it did give me a $1,700 bill, which proved.. absolutely nothing except they couldn’t find tumors or any object lodged in my butt. Given how it took me two summers to acquire almost that much working a shit job for my shithead father’s girlfriend, maybe you can appreciate how heartbreaking that is. Spending all that money and you don’t even learn WHY you’re suffering, you just learn why you aren’t.

And today I still fume with rage over being told, “ass lube is expensive so we’re skimping on it” and then be charged almost two thousand god damned dollars.

Absolutely could not get my family to help me pursue any other avenue. They just kept insisting, “it’s all anxiety, it’s all in your head. You just need to get off the computer and do more manual labor/make us money and your problems will go away. :^)”

But then they would not help me do it. They wanted me to take on all the risk while they got the guaranteed income from my needing to be around them.

My need to grow step by step was their opportunity to mitigate my life, every step of the way, so non-compliance with their exploitation would result in homelessness and complete uprooting. If I wasn’t going to voluntarily follow draconian rules, then I’d be governed by those rules anyway in the absence of them being verbally stated. Just, using poverty and immobility as a way to impose it.

But I refused to comply. I wasn’t going to suffer every day unendingly AND get my income snatched away, BY MY OWN GOD DAMNED FAMILY. A family that didn’t even pay RENT to live in the house we were living in at the time, and a family that made 65-70K a year, with another house they owned in a less convenient location worth $350K. My mother had ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS other than fun and profit as an excuse as to why I needed to buy, “the family,” a car. Other than making it the “family” car giving her defacto control over it but my obligation to pay for it. Just another indirect way to give her absolute control over my options and alternatives.

So I didn’t work. I sat at home and dealt with her abusive bullshit, because it was the only card I had left in my deck. She didn’t want the stigma of throwing out a sick man without a license, a car or any savings. I didn’t want to voluntarily throw myself out and die in the street.

So I dealt with my health problems as best as I could. There were a good many times living in this house, that we’ve lived in and she’s owned since 2006, that I questioned whether I should phone an ambulance and just say fuck it, go into tens of thousands of dollars of debt just goosechasing this problem, thanks to the backdoor socialized medical system that exploits the profit motive but uses government assured payment fixed to taxes in order to afford it.

That’s probably what pisses me off the most about my situation. Our medical system has been turned into a farce by socialists deliberately making medicine as toxic as they fucking can in order to then bat their eyes and go, “Bet you just want single payer and to basically make medicine another ring of the government NOW, don’t youuuuuu? It’d make all those woes go awayyyyy!” while turning the screws to our bodies by denying us affordable medicine. All while blaming capitalism for shit that’s assured to work at any cost by the government.

Other people pine for a more socialized system to make the disgusting exploitation and abuse stop. But the truth is, that’s just like wanting to marry a pirate so they’ll stop lobbing cannonballs and demanding tolls at sea from you. Yes, the actual literal war on you and your community and your personal sovereignty will be over, but you’ll also be institutionalizing pirates in order to make them stop taking complete advantage of you on their terms instead of taking complete advantage of you on mostly-their terms but you get to act like you’re consenting to it.

I digressed. Anyway...

Well. I’m curious about pursuing a shit job just to see if I can KEEP some income, but I know, and have always known, my mother will not allow me to do anything with that money but barely keep myself alive. While she uses it to just buy enormous bulk loads of garbage and hoards them in the corners, or throws hundreds of dollars at friends-of-the-family/neighbors and extracts that money from me to do it.

I know going into it that the job would be otherwise worthless. She wants her ten pounds of flesh a year from me, and if I worked, there’d be no getting around it. She isn’t going to allow me to profit living with her, in any way. Everything has to revolve around her, or I get made homeless.

But trying to hold a job would mean possible (there’s that ‘potential vs. guarantee dichotomy again) feelers out to couches to surf on. Or credit building.

It’d still be a sexless existence dictated by someone so fucking petty that they can’t help you fix a broken tooth but do miraculously have the money to buy you a cell phone and a plan, “if you want it,” purely to always have you at their beck and call and/or have control over your phone plan. And it’d mean committing to something that runs a minimum of a year while being able to have a foot crushing my neck and destroying whatever I’m trying to do in an instant.

but it’d also mean being able to financially pursue what’s wrong with me and fixing it.

But I will hold this grudge against women and the actual, objective privilege they have from the legal system and our social system in the US for the rest of my life. Everybody around me saw what she was doing to me and my life, and they’ve done and said absolutely nothing. An abusive woman in this society is basically on par with the richest barons in a young adult novel, and all you have to do to get that kind of institutional power, rich or poor, is have a vagina and be a mom.

Then other women will sympathize with the mother, whom can never be totally wrong about anything, and at best you might get silence and indifference about the way you’re treated.

You can be cornered, debased and neglected until you’re a greasy shoggoth of a person, and if it’s a woman doing this to you, it’s your fault for not escaping. After having every escape route made as torturous and unsustainable an option as possible, you’ll be held accountable for yourself.

I’ll be relieved and pleased when this disgusting pig of a woman dies of natural causes. She’ll have gotten away with grabbing my life and thrashing around with it for 20 years while the world passed me by, just to keep control, just for fun, just for profit.

But in the meantime, maybe there’s a local niche I can fill. Just enough of something to find somewhere else to live. Without conditions making it more damning to pursue than nothing at all.

But I’m not hoping too hard.

[pizzadwight]

you: why do u not want to go to sleep bc of ur roommate and his gf being in ur dorm?

me: u are like a little baby, watch this. *phases out of existence*

[alexanderlightweight]

Cryptids of Brooklyn

(somehow the text got deleted so putting it back in.  Malec (shadowhunters) prompt fill for @crispyoperawolfdean​.  Might not be quite what you were expecting but I hope you like it!  I had a lot of fun with it and thank you for the prompt!

If there was one thing anyone knew about Alec Lightwood -and almost everyone at least knew of him- it was that he was cold, eviscerating and just about the most vicious attorney in New York.

His clients thought of him with an almost alien sense of distant and somewhat terrified adoration.  He had little charm to speak of, instead working with blunt facts and ruthlessly twisting words and happenstance to sound as though what he said was the law.  

There were rumors -well hidden ones- that at one point in time, one of his clients had actually decided to plead guilty rather than work with him.  No one was sure if that was truth or a myth, but there was little doubt that it could have and probably had happened.  

For all the rather redundant and overused jokes made about lawyers and sharks, never was such a comparison or joke made concerning Alec Lightwood, as there was one glaring difference between the two ruthless predators.

Sharks smiled, Alec Lightwood didn’t.  

-

In the same city, but quite a different world from the one Alec Lightwood resided in, was Magnus Bane.  A young man with a brilliant mind and after quite a bit of hard work, a small kingdom made up of a variety of businesses.  Magnus was beloved by many, inspiring to all and even those who hated him tended to admire him with the reluctance of someone knowing they were being petty out of jealousy, rather than a justified dislike.  

His most well known and popular business was Pandemonium.  A thriving club that was a close distance away from yet another one of Magnus’ enterprises, Edom.  An upscale, classy and frankly gorgeous hotel that Magnus was rumored to live in, he didn’t.  Magnus Bane instead lived in a very discreet but wonderfully luxurious Brooklyn penthouse that only six people knew the address of.  The floor of Edom that he kept reserved for himself was where he had his parties and occasionally, where he stayed when his schedule became a dungeon filled with paperwork manacles designed to entrap him for hours on end.

All in all, the two men had such drastically different careers -not to mention lifestyles- that such a story containing both of them should normally have been titled in such similar fashions as to some of the great classics; The Two Towers, A Tale of Two Cities, The Road Not Taken and such on and so forth.  However, the eye of the beholder is often led awry and that is why this written articulation is not so aptly named.  Instead, the most fitting name for our tale is more likely to run along the lines of: Besotted, Ardent Admiration, Disaster Gay and Dad Jokes: A Guide to Accidentally Wooing Your Soulmate.  

-

To the world and the masses who thought it their business to know everyone else’s, Alec Lightwood was chronically single the way other people chronically breathed.  It was his way of life, he clearly didn’t know any other way to live and no one who knew him -or of him- could fathom it changing.  Ever.

Magnus Bane had a very different history.  A beautiful tapestry of love gained and lost and set aside that broke many hearts not his own and had many in mourning when he shifted his focus from romantic whimsy to that of business.    

It would be then, quite a surprise to many, to find that not only was the public perception of both gentlemen so vastly erroneous, it in fact bordered on blasphemous.  

No, the fact was that it was providential intervention that Magnus Bane had little to no reason to jaunt about New York’s finest court rooms, as his poor husband’s workplace persona would have quite melted in his presence.  For while he could in fact smile, even with that particular trait Alec still did not quite make the parameters to be inferred as a shark.  No, Alec Lightwood, or Lightwood-Bane as his legal name happened to be, rather turned into a jellyfish when his husband was nearby.  A rather useless but electrified blob all around.  

It was pure happenstance that their paths remained uncrossed in the public eye.  Alec being something of a private person, only in the fact that he cared little for others opinions and Magnus far too busy to deal with one more detail.  The secrecy of their romance and the obscuration of their marriage were all quite unique and coincidental happenings.  

Their first meeting was during a major power outage that attracted far more attention than they did and which had in fact turned into a first date which quickly became a slippery slope of tender and intimate romance and quite ridiculous gestures.  Their engagement was short and, while Alec loved his family dearly and Magnus loved his friends, both agreed that they could do an anniversary party later down the road.  This wedding was for them and if they told those they loved, it would be less about Magnus and Alec and more about everyone else knowing better and attempting to take over.

There was a very good reason why Alec’s family didn’t have their address and it was going to stay that way.

Out of all of this, the crux of how they stayed decidedly so under the radar came down to one abstract point of reality.  Human infallibility.

It was a struggle for people to comprehend the fact that someone like Magnus Bane even existed on the same plane of reality as someone like Alec Lightwood.  Therefore, the idea of them interacting -let alone being acquaintances- was so far outside their realm of understanding that it was concluded to be impossible.

Therefore, a number of people had what they assumed to be rather strange and oddly timed hallucinations, such as: ‘oh look, there is Magnus Ba-... no.  Nope, never mind.  That isn’t him.  That can’t be him.  I’m fairly certain I saw Alec Lightwood with him.  This is a delusion.  I must be ill.’  As such, in order to not be buried under vitriol by their online peers for their hallucinations, such sightings were never reported and instead were buried deep in the mental abyss of things one does anything not to think about.

In other words, Magnus and Alec Lightwood-Bane were the cryptids of Brooklyn.  

-

It would come as no surprise that Magnus knew more people than he didn’t and had more favors owed to him than he himself owed.  As it were, he continued to do favors.  It left other people quite in his debt, while he himself mostly managed to benefit from it.  As it were, he had been doing a long time acquaintance, Luke Garroway, the favor of letting his step-daughter and  pseudo-step-son work at his main office.  

It was temporary work that they split between themselves as they were both still in school.  It was also a decision that he regretted immediately.  

While his relationship with Alec was carefully contained, the rest of Alec’s family did not seem to share the same ability when it came to their personal lives.  A few months after hiring the duo Magnus learned that he had hired what may someday be Alec’s sister.  Either by way of Clary’s father marrying Alec’s mother, or because one of Alec’s siblings was besotted with her.  

As Magnus had a firm policy on not mixing business with his personal life, he felt rather disgruntled.  It didn’t help that neither of the two were particularly suited for office work and were more inclined to impulsive choices than anything involving well-reasoned decisions.      

The way he found out involved a rather alarming mixture of tea.  Both verbal and liquid.

It was a maudlin office day.  One that had started far too early and Magnus had been forced to leave a large and beautifully comfortable bed and a delightfully warm and sleep-muddled husband to get ready for a tedious day at work.  A quick exercise, a hot shower and a perfected beauty regime had passed in the blink of an eye and yet had been only just long enough for him to enjoy coffee and toast with Alec before he left.

As was the usual go of things, he was one of the very first to arrive.  It meant he could look over a few of the other offices, see that things were in place and settle down to make a rather large pot of soothing tea that he would take with him to his office and settle into an armchair as he perused his schedule for the day.

As Magnus adored plants, he’d had his designer include a very active and flourishing plant decor.  Which meant that when Clary and Simon both entered the outer office where they worked, the fact that his door was open was obscured by a rather gorgeous and lustrous monstera named Augustus.  

“Alright Fray, spill.  How was dinner with your new fam?”  Simon said, as usual he was overly loud and unfortunately Magnus could invision his eyebrows dancing as he teased Clary.

“It was really good, mostly good.  Great even!”  And that was the ever excitable and somewhat self-absorbed Clarissa.

“So why did you text me so many key smashes?”  Simon asked and Magnus mentally waged a very small skirmish on whether or not he wanted to get up and shut his door.  He was very comfortable where he was and he wanted to finish his tea rather than alert them to his presence.  They both had an appalling -he was working on it- lack of office etiquette and had decided he needed to be inundated with questions and that it was their right to barge into his office.  

“Well Maryse,” Clary started and Magnus nearly spilled his tea, “her last name is Trueblood so I thought that was her kids name too.  Turns out her kids are Alec, Izzy and Max Lightwood.”  

Magnus could hear the way Simon choked at that tidbit.  Also, he was going to strangle Lucian.  

“No fucking way, Fray!  You’re future bro is Alec Lightwood?  Guess you have a new bestie to bail you out of trouble.”  Simon teased.

“No, I won’t.  Because he’s a complete asshole and emotionless jerk.”  Clary exclaimed and Magnus’ grip tightened on his cup.  “He didn’t even pretend to smile at me and when I tried asking him about his life he wouldn’t tell me and then when Izzy tried to share stuff, he shut her down every time she started talking about him.  And, he said it was because he didn’t trust someone he’d just met to keep it to themselves!  The nerve of him.”

Considering the fact that Clary was currently spilling everything to Simon, and had a notoriously bad habit of telling everything to everyone, Magnus couldn't see why she was so offended.  It seemed a rather intelligent choice on his husband’s part.

“Rude,” Simon agreed, “wow. I always thought that maybe he was nicer with his family.  So he just doesn’t have a personality?”  

“If a personality can consist of a miserable lump of a human being who is never going to find love or happiness and just enjoys making other people feel terrible, than no.  He doesn’t.”  

“Savage.  I love it.”

In any other situation, Magnus might have felt indignant on his husband’s behalf.  However, Alexander could be quite standoffish and Clarissa’s rather... abrasive need to insert herself into everyone else’s everything would clash with Alec’s indifference to new people.  Especially since he knew this was the first time Maryse had seriously dated since her divorce and he remembered Alec coming home from that dinner, miffed on being interrogated by a little girl who had started in on why he was wearing a band on his ring finger.  Alec did not like it when people demanded things from him.

Instead, Magnus took a very long sip and decided that he was very much looking forward to whenever Alec’s next surprise visit to the office was.

-

It ended up being a few weeks.  Magnus was busy with travelling and Alec had a few very intense and complicated cases.  

It was Magnus’ good fortune that only Clary was working that morning and while he missed the first part of their interaction, he definitely was aware of something amiss when he heard Clary’s voice rise in volume with a, “no, I am not going to check and see if he’s busy.  You don’t have an appointment and I don’t care who you are Alec, you can’t just waltz in here and think you can use my connections to Magnus Bane because our parents are dating!”

When Magnus pushed his door open, it was to the sight an indignant Clary standing at her desk with her arms crossed.

“If I wanted an appointment with Magnus I wouldn’t ask you,” Alec said and Magnus admired the way his voice dripped with derision and the mocking arch of his eyebrow.  

Deciding to spare them all even more of a headache, Magnus smoothly interjected, “that’s because Alexander never needs an appointment, hello darling.”  

If there was one thing Magnus could be proud of, it was the way Alec’s complete demeanor changed for him.  All irritation ebbed away, as smooth as a tide flowing back home to the depths of the ocean.  Alec’s face transformed into the tenderest altars of adoration even as Magnus cupped his cheek and was gifted with a kiss to his palm.  

They both ignored Clary’s stuttered shock and Magnus pulled Alec in for a kiss before wrapping an arm around his waist.  

“Ah yes, Clary I think you’ve met my husband before,” Magnus said.  At his side, Alec pressed a kiss to his hair and Magnus could feel him shaking with laughter.  

[mustlovetights]

Ill Equipped: A Check, Please! Fic

In honor of the last week (ever! cries!) for our faves, I’m unhiding Ill Equipped on AO3. 

If you missed a download before, here’s your chance fam! I will be deleting it in the next few weeks, as I’ve been editing the original novel version for release (probably at the end of April). 

Thank you as always for the love and support, and stay safe! <3<3