#Superior Donuts Play

[donut-entendre]

donut is the king of masking forever and ever. and he really does fool some of you

[do-you-know-this-play]

[0-therw-0-rldly]

I’ll preface this by saying I’m not really a shipper. I just enjoy canon couples on TV Series/films.

Terms I’d like B*ddies to remove from their vocabulary because they don’t know how to use them correctly:

Media literacy: For a group that uses this term a lot you sure do misinterpret everything in this show.

Queerbaiting: Going to expand on this one. A show that’s already been pre established for having queer characters simply cannot queerbait.

Ship baiting: While sometimes you can argue that they could be doing that, that’s only if you look at the show in a very biased manner. You might think this is the case but the general audience doesn’t think the way you do.

Ship war: This isn’t a one tree hill situation where there was Team Brooke Vs. Team Peyton where the middle guy (Lucas Scott) had canonically been with both women. This is people not understanding fanon vs. canon and not being able to just watch the show. It’s like playing quarterback on Madden and thinking you could be better than Patrick Mahomes.

Plot device: everything’s a plot device. Move tf on.

Predator: You sound like crazy MAGA supporters calling everything regarding the LGBTQIA+ community as predatory. Sit down.

Co-parenting: I know this is a big one and discourse was brought up during the hiatus. Oliver and Ryan have loosely mentioned this years ago but it was never to be taken this seriously. Do y’all even know what co-parenting is or are you that big of a donut? Buck is someone who loves his best friend deeply and by extension, his kid too. Him taking care of him frequently does not make him a co-parent. Maybe he is a parental or uncle figure, but he isn’t a co-parent. Also, I swear y’all need to learn how a will works. He is a GODPARENT, not a GUARDIAN. Stfu.

Hag: This especially applies to women, but to say that someone 25-30+ is a hag for still being in fandoms or enjoying tv shows/films is inherently misogynistic. Men are never held to this much criticism for enjoying fictional media, but women aren’t allowed to?

Queer Coding: people of the same sex “looking at each other”, hugging, or having intimate moments all together doesn’t make them queer coded. It could mean that they just love each other that deeply platonically. While representation is amazing and just because you interpret a character as queer coded (just like my ship baiting comment) doesn’t mean others interpret it that way as well. In addition, network TV has stipulations, and also actors are allowed to decline storylines. Ryan has mentioned his character is heterosexual an abundance of times which means (at least for now) that he isn’t willing to go for this storyline.

Dead naming: Y’all construing the fact that Buck wants people like coworkers and some of his former love interests, to saying Evan is his dead name is inherently transphobic because do you even understand what a dead name is? Evan Buckley is shown as being fine with being called Evan by both Tommy and his sister. I’m pretty sure some of his love interests have called him Evan as well.

Fetishizing: You guys saw two hot guys who “looked at each other” and for 6 seasons have wanted nothing but to see those two make out with each other. Those of us who enjoy Tevan saw Buck giddy at the thought of Tommy and have wanted domestic fluff for them since.

Anything to do with racism, homophobia, and misogyny: I’ve seen the way you guys have conveniently weaponized Henren and by extension Aisha/Tracie when you didn’t get the Ryan/Oliver interview, don’t try to act like you’re morally superior. Not to mention wanting a canonically gay man to die in a show and not even holding those who use your ship name to write CSA fics accountable because you’re petty and want to throw hissy fits. Anyone looking at your comments as an outsider would think you’re homophobes and yes queer people can be homophobic.

I do hope you can expand your vocabulary. 🤍

[thepenultimateword]

Sugar and Spice Part Two

Part One

“You’re kidding me." Villain slapped her forehead, dragging the hand slowly down her face. "Of all the thousands of henchmen I could've picked, of all the dozens of departments, I chose a culinary minion? I might as well have brought a rolling pin! Or a donut!"

Henchman frowned. A whole host of arguments sat on his tongue. She might have realized his department sooner if she had taken a moment to talk instead of ordering him around like a dog. Also, she'd obviously lied about Supervillain asking for him, so she only had herself to blame for this situation, and frankly, he didn't trust anything she said anymore. In fact, he was very suspicious about what she was actually doing all the way out here and why she'd tricked a henchman to come along. Not to mention she'd jeopardized his job, maybe even his life, with her selfishness.

He quickly swallowed it all down. None of it would be met well, and he didn't need to be more on Villain's bad side than he apparently already was. He could defend his power though.

"Well, maybe if let me bake you something--"

"Just shut up." Villain plopped back down on the mattress and rolled the other direction.

Henchman stared at her back for a moment. "Should I still keep watch?"

"You might as well go to bed. You’re useless to me.”

Again with the combat-superiority bias. Henchman bit his tongue. “I might not be a good fighter, but I could still wake you up if there's trouble."

"Do whatever you want."

Fine then. He threw off his shoes, kicked under the covers, and flipped toward the wall, the bed springs squeaking aggressively under his weight.

Why should he break his back helping out a villain who didn’t even appreciate it? This was just so typical villain. What a bunch of pretentious snobs flouncing around with their "special" powers and looking down on everyone else. When it came down to it, it wasn't like Villain was really any different from him. They were both pieces. She was just as much under Supervillain's thumb.

“Excuse me?” Villain snarled.

Henchman stiffened. Did he say that out loud? Which part? How much?

He wet his lips and slowly peeked toward Villain's bed but was instantly thrown down. Villain's knees dug hard into Henchman's forearms while her hands were already around his throat, squeezing just tight enough that there was room for a trickle of breath and little else, certainly not any vocals like screaming or begging. "I'm not under anyone's thumb. Got that? I'm not afraid of anyone. If I wanted, I could finish you right here."

Henchman froze. Some prey ran, some fought back, but he was of the type that went still. Like a possum playing dead or a deer in the headlights. He couldn’t move even if he wanted to. All he could really do was stare helplessly wide-eyed up at her. The ends of her hair tickled Henchman’s cheeks, and she bent close enough that he could pick out the amber specks in her molten eyes and feel the warmth of her breath across the bridge of his nose. She blinked into his gaze, and the snarl on her face softened.

She huffed. You’re just lucky I don’t have the time to clean up a body.” She unstraddled his chest and rose off the edge of the bed.

Henchman coughed a couple times and rubbing away the lingering pressure of her fingertips from his throat. "Bit of an overreaction for someone so sure of herself."

Villain whirled, red mane catching the air before floating back to her shoulders. "Do you want to die?"

Henchman smiled innocently. He was being so stupid. He knew that. But for some reason, he felt if Villain really was the sort of person who killed carelessly, she would have rid herself of him the moment he revealed the mistake. One less witness to her trip, mission, thing.

"Certainly not."

“Then shut. Up.” She flicked off the lamp on her way to her bed, blanketing them in darkness except for the sliver of street light stealing through a gap in the curtains.

“Of course, your eminence.”

Henchman curled back on his side, prey heart pounding even under the cover of freshly conjured snark. He rubbed his throat again. He was probably lucky she’d chosen a physical warning over using her powers. If there was any villain he should actually be showing respect to it was her. A primary power user. She’d been top dog of the city before Supervillain showed up and organized everything. She had the power to rearrange, but he had the power to take apart. And taking apart was so much quicker. So right hand it was.

“Villain?”

“Didn’t I tell you to shut up? I’m trying to sleep.”

“Are you running away?”

“What?” Her eyes caught the light from the street, glowing catlike. “Do you think I’m some sort of cow—”

“It’s ok if you are. I bet you could run your own city.”

She blinked.

“Supervillain’s sort of made it impossible for any sort of natural growth in the organization. He kills people for their mistakes, he pits his subordinates against each other, he doesn’t value any of tertiary power types; sometimes it feels like he doesn’t care about the strength of the organization as long as everyone else stays beneath him. It’s not like he’s at risk of being taken out by anyone. Heroes or otherwise.” Henchman caught himself, quickly shaking out his rant. “I’m just saying that it makes sense to me why you might want to leave. Do your own thing.”

"That's not any of your business." She closed her eyes again and didn't say any more.

Henchman forced his own eyes shut. Despite being tired, his thoughts were filled with Supervillain. His insides twisted into knots, raising a light bout of nausea. He couldn't go back. Henchman might be too valuable to kill, but there was no guarantee. Supervillain's decisions weren't always logical. Henchman was actually a little glad to be away from it all. There had been no hope for escape on his own--Supervillain didn't like being stolen from, and leaving was a theft of yourself--but maybe if he was on Villain's side he'd be ok.

Henchman pulled the covers closer around him. He must have fallen asleep because when he next opened his eyes, the room was lit in the dim blue-gray of early morning. The shower handle squeaked from the other side of the wall, and a few minutes later, Villain emerged in the same clothes as yesterday, hair pulled in a wet bubble braid that reached to the middle of her back. She yanked on her boots and snatched the car keys from the bedside table.

“I'll drop you off at a bus stop, but you'll have to find your own way back.”

Henchman blinked groggily at her, but as it struck he shot upright. "Back?" He gaped at her. "You want me to go back? Alone? With nothing but my own word that you forced me to come with you?"

"Well, it's not like I need you to stay. Two people are much easier to track than one."

"You screwed up my job! I missed my deadline! Supervillain could have me killed!"

"And you'll be better off begging for forgiveness than continuing on."

Henchman frowned. Was she actually looking out for him? "What if became your henchman?"

"What are you even talking about?"

"You're building your own empire, right? You'll need followers. So, I'll be the first one. I'll do everything you don't want to and prove that I'm actually useful."

Villain furrowed her brow, suspicion rearranging the pattern of her freckles. "Why?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're just a random henchman that I've never even met. Why are throwing yourself at me?"

Henchman flushed. "Ok, first of all, I don't think I'd describe it like that. Second, we have met. Last, my powers are 100% support-based. I need a boss, and I'd rather work for you than Supervillain."

"What are you going to do, make me cupcakes?"

"Sure. And pot pie. And buttermilk biscuits. And apple strudel. And--"

"How do you--"

Henchman cut the accusation short. "I know everyone of note's favorites. It was my job. Which was a pretty significant job if you ask me."

"You mildly boost powers, so what?"

"That's not..." Whatever. Henchman wasn't in the mood for convincing someone who obviously didn't want to be convinced. "Nutrition is actually a very critical part of an escape. It keeps you alert, energized, and happy. And anyway, I'm pretty sure I've spent more time being inconspicuous than you have, especially when Supervillain first took over the underbelly. I can help organize things. Give advice." He fiddled nervously with a string on his sleeve. He needed this. "Like...for example, you're going to want to trade out that car. It's nice and all but ultra-trackable. Pretty sure Supervillain has a way to hack cameras."

Villain pressed her lips together so tightly it looked painful. "Fine."

"To which part."

Villain waved her hand in the air and strode for the door. "Fine, you can come, and fine, we'll get a new car. But we're making a shopping run first. I left in a rush. So start thinking of things you need."

Henchman trotted grinning after her. “Flour, sugar, baking powder—”

"Not that. There will be no baking."

Master Taglist:

@moss-tombstone @crazytwentythrees-deactivated@just-1-lonely-person @the-vagabond-nun @willow-trees-are-beautiful@cocoasprite @insanedreamer7905 @valiantlytransparentwhispers @whovian378 @watercolorfreckles @thebluepolarbear @yulanlavender @kitsunesakii @deflated-bouncingball @lem-hhn @office-plant-in-a-trenchcoat @ghostfacepepper @pigeonwhumps @demonictumble @inkbirdie @vuvulia @bouncyartist @lunatic-moss-studio @breilobrealdi @freefallingup13 @i-am-a-story-goblin @ryunniez @rainy-knights-of-villany @distractedlydistracted @saspas-corner @echoednonny @perilous-dreamer @blood-enthusiast @randomfixation @alexkolax @pksnowie @blessupblessup @wolfeyedwitch @thedeepvoidinmyheart @bestblob @a-chaotic-gremlin @espresso-depresso-system @prompt-fills-and-writing-spills @paleassprince @takingawildbreath @yindonessy @psychiclibrariesquotestoad @harpycartoons @pickleking8 @urmyhopeeee @goldenflame2516 @tobeornottobeateacher @talesofurbania1 @sweetsigyn @girl-of-the-sea-and-stars @kurai-hono-blog

[yan-lorkai]

could you do TWST head cannons with a reader who plays the drums and had a more 'rebellious style' but is very polite?

(any characters you like, but maybe ruggie or silver?)

☆*: Silver knows that judging a book by its cover is a fatal mistake, as appearances are very deceiving about a person's real character. So he would never judge you based on what you wear, otherwise he would be betraying his father's teachings and that is something he would never do.

☆*: Furthermore, he knows that you are a very polite and nice person. He hears good things about you from his dad and his classmates all the time, and it's possible he's even interacted with you before if you were part of the music club. Lilia sometimes invites his son to his practices and shows and Silver regularly appears there to show his support for his father.

☆*: Even though drums are a different instrument than the one his father plays, Silver knows a thing or two about caring for it. So he sometimes helps you take care of and polish your instrument, as well as asking you little questions about why you chose to play the drums, how many songs you know how to play. Anyway, he likes your style and the music you produce. If someone ever spoke badly about you around him because of the way you dress, he would give that person an endless lecture.

☆*: At Savanaclaw it's kill or be killed, so your politeness is something that made quite an impression on him the first time you two crossed paths. I mean, you have this rebellious and confident look, he kind of expected you to be like the other beastmen who think they are better than him because they are wolves or lions, or some other strong beast. He expected you to feel superior to him, he's just a hyena after all, but that was a silly thought that he quickly dismissed after you treated him with kindness and politeness.

☆*: You even gave him one of your donuts and patted his head! What kind of bad person would do that? Obviously you weren't bad, far from it, you were an angel! Therefore, anyone who makes fun of you because of your style or your drumming skills will mysteriously suffer minor accidents. Each of them worse than the other if they don't learn their lesson.

☆*: After your first interaction, Ruggie found himself interested in you. So occasionally he would show up to your shows and practices to watch you play and wow, you play well. He doesn't know much about drums, but as he wants to spend time with you, he asks you to teach him a little. He doesn't have money to buy a drum or any other instrument right now, but when he can he knows his grandma and the kids would love to hear him play. Even better if you're there to see it, but well, he can always send you a video.

☆*: Lilia saw you out of the corner of his eye for two seconds and automatically loved your rebellious style, floating towards you to talk and ask for fashion tips, after all, he also likes different styles and knows that the two of you together would be quite a duo. Yes, within five minutes of talking Lilia is already making big plans for the two of you as if you were best friends in the whole world. No, nothing you say or do will drive him away now.

☆*: Whether you join the music club or not, Lilia likes to hear you play. He has a talent for instruments and can help you improve yourself or correct small mistakes you may make without realizing while playing, offering tips and fixing your posture. He also likes to just sit and listen to you play as if nothing in the world could stop him from enjoying it.

☆*: He's like a kid excited about a new toy. And he will also cause accidents to anyone who talks badly about you because of the way you dress. You're so nice, so polite, he love how differently you are apart from your style. And people will treat you with respect or they're gonna deal with him! :)

[waywardangel-wilds]

(More unfinished drafts! Do you guys wanna add to this one? I think it’s good 😊)

Daddy Peeta giving relationship advice!

“So…” Peeta slid up to the counter next to his son. “What was that about?”

“N-nothing,” the boy blushed and fumbled with the money in his hands, dropping a few coins to the bakery floor. He cursed softly and dropped down to pick them back up. “I’m fine, dad.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” Peeta chuckled at the little annoyed face the boy turned towards him. “Was that your girlfriend?”

“I don’t have a girlfriend!” The boy seemed scandalized. He placed the money inside the cash register. “That’s crazy.”

“Ah, so you wish you had a girlfriend. I see.” Peeta nodded sagely while his son looked even more embarrassed. “Hey, there’s no foul in admitting it. You need a starting point to play the game.”

“What game?” The boy asked, slowly picking up the rag to wipe down the counter. Judging by the look of his face, his curiosity would get the best of him.

“The getting a girlfriend game,” Peeta jestingly elbowed the boys ribs. His son merely rolled his eyes.

“I’m not taking dating advice from my dad.” He shook his head with a scoff. Just the thought!

“Have it your way,” Peeta shrugged. “But, if you don’t mind my asking, what is your strategy here?”

“Strategy,” his son scoffed. “I don’t know. I’m just being chill.” His eyes took on a self-assured light, “Nonchalant.”

“Nonchalant?” Peeta blinked in response to his son’s superior expression. “You’re kidding, right? Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy you remember your vocab lessons, but who uses nonchalant when talking about a girl?”

His son turned away from him in favour of reorganizing the display case, “you just don’t get it.”

“What’s there to get? Impressing women hasn’t fundamentally changed in the past twenty years.” Peeta leaned back against the counter and considered his son’s lanky shoulders. “Have you ever spoken to this girl?”

“I just sold her something, so obviously yes.”

“You haven’t spoken to her,” Peeta said with a nod as if he were analyzing the information. “Are you scared about embarrassing yourself?”

His son didn’t say anything, he just kept on straightening up the donuts.

“Okay, understandable.” Peeta went on. “Did I ever tell you I used to be scared of your mother?”

“You’re still scared of her,” the boy smiled cheekily. Peeta laughed in return.

“Yeah, yeah. Point is, if you really like someone it’s only natural to be a little nervous. The worst that can happen is she doesn’t like you back. If you never talk to her, you’ll never know.” Peeta said.

“Didn’t you go eleven years without saying anything to mom at all?”

“Which is beside the point,” Peeta said magnanimously. “Because I did end up talking to her and now you exist. All you need to do is say hello.”

“Mom said she thought you were weird when you first met,” the boy interjected.

“Okay that’s a lie because I was very charming and cool.” He dismissed. “Which you will be too, if you listen to your old man.”

“Dad,” the boy whined.

“Lesson 1,” Peeta ignored him , standing up straight. He was really embodying this teachers role. “Be polite. No one likes rudeness. Next time you see her, acknowledge her. Say hello, ask her how’s she’s doing. Say something about the weather. Anything, just be polite. You’re going to look bad to her if you just walk past her on the street without even a hello.”

[stonylovessteve]

June 29th - Day One of Reveals

It’s day one of gift reveals! Check back each day for more reveals or keep an eye on the AO3 collection.

To our participants, please be sure to comment on your gifts and thank your creator for making something for you. AO3 sometimes forgets to send gift emails, so be sure to check this blog (or the collection) each day to see what’s being revealed.

All creators are still secret, so don’t post anywhere about your work, even if it has been revealed. You can, however, reply to comments on your work. AO3 will automatically show you as an anon author until creator reveals.

Creators: AO3 will post your work under the date it was submitted. Once your work has been revealed, go into edit and click “Set a different publication date” then change it to today’s date. This will ensure that your work is posted to the top of the new works.

Without further ado… onto today’s gifts!

Still Halfway Human, Just Going Through It for soliloquent (MCU, 9.9k Words)

Stark Industries was still an incredible place to work. Everyone seemed so dedicated and smart and ambitious, it truly reminded him of Howard and his vision for the future. Steve had even seen Tony Stark a few times in passing or when he made his rounds and talked to Steve’s superior in the office, but he hadn’t talked to him more than a greeting in passing. He wasn’t even sure Tony, who insisted on being called by his first name, had actually noticed him during these times. Steve had noticed him all the more.

Give me the luxuries of life  for Thahire (MCU, 4.9k Words)

Four times Steve reluctantly dabbles in a little luxury + one time he leans into it wholeheartedly

Hot Bouncer for Becci_chan (MCU, 2.7k Words)

‘Hey Steve, We had a very interesting last night. Love to stay and elaborate on that but have to take my playful pet baby – Toothless  for a run. Left some hangover cure you might need. Feel free to use the shower or anything else you need. Be back soon. T.S”

The Long Game for waywardmillennial (MCU, 2.6k Words)

Steve prided himself on being a patient man, he really did. He had stared down Nazis, and HYDRA officers, and the British Press on that one horrible media tour. He could spend hours plotting strategies for situations which may never happen but might, and he had been known to accompany Pepper on her stress-relief shopping trips. Steve could hold his tongue. Steve could outmaneuver his opponent. Steve could play the long game. That last donut broke all of that.

not a lot, just forever for AirlocksandAviaries (MCU, 2.7k Words)

A few months after the Battle of New York, Tony invites Steve over to see the apartment he has built for him. Steve, of course, is totally normal about this and not panicking at all.

give me your number (i'll give you mine) for BladeoftheNebula (MCU, 1.2k Words)

Somehow, Tony freaking Stark showing up at the store isn't Clint's biggest shock of the day.

Cap's Comics for robertdowneyjjr (AA, Comic)

The local newspaper/magazine/online publication runs a comic about the Avengers — from thwarted robberies to statues come to life, they are sort of like funny little recaps of the team’s latest missions that New Yorkers have witnessed. Then the comics start becoming more… domestic, showing the Avengers at home during game nights and weekend brunch. There are even a few where Cap and Iron Man go on a date together. The team comes across these comics and no one realizes Steve’s the artist. After all, the drawings are barely better than stick figures, and Steve’s art is much more refined than that… right?

[vikenticomeshome]

The Cyberchase Homepage Through the Years: part 3 (March 20, 2007 through present day)

Alright, let me pick up where I left off. So, as of March 20, 2007, the main Cyberchase website looked like this.

However, there was also a non-flash version of the page. It was made for users who couldn't process the Flash content. Here's the first version of it, as captured on October 23rd, 2006.

Yeah, they put up a placeholder page before the real thing was ready. I just thought it was funny that the Wayback machine managed to capture it. Here's the final version of this page, captured on January 8th, 2007.

This basic version of the page is not animated. I don't know why they took a freeze-frame with Nezzie's arms stuck like that.

I like their choice of the "Featured Send It", which would have been an excerpt from a fan submitted story.

'Oh no!' Jackie yelled. Her and her friends were in another Cyberchase mission.

Classic Jackie.

Unfortunately, it seems that this basic version of the site was never updated beyond this point. It was just this one freeze-frame for its entire life, which lasted over four years. The basic version of the page was eventually removed when the Flash version of the site was overhauled in late October of 2011.

But what do we care about the non-Flash version when we have the superior Flash version? Well, some time after that March 20th screenshot, they changed how the Flash version of the site was loaded. This change broke the Wayback Machine's ability to archive is properly.

So, between March 20, 2007 until the October 25, 2011, the Wayback machine gives us two types of captures. We either get a failure to load the SWF file for the Flash content...

...Or we get the main SWF loading, but the rest of the content doesn't load.

So, if they did anything special between March 20, 2007 and October 25, 2011, that history is lost.

The overhaul on October 25, 2011 is pretty cool though. We get a view of Motherboard's hangar with a big screen to announce what is going on. This version of the website selected one of three Flash animations to play over the background.

Jackie is the star of the show in the first one. The kids have finally realized that they need to do something to stop The Hacker from accessing their clubhouse. So, we get an animation of the Hacker showing up at the slightly open door, and we get Jackie closing it on him. His bowtie gets stuck.

The second animation stars Buzz and Delete. Delete knocks on your screen and writes "wash me" on it. Then, Buzz sprays the message and delete.

The third animation also features Buzz and Delete. This time, Delete has some donuts, and buzz is made to dance to get one as a reward.

This version of the website also gave us new bios for the characters. However, they aren't as detailed or interesting as the old "Meet the Cybersquad" bios.

We also get a page called "Find it!", which was a directory to different math topics.

We also get revamped versions of the pages for Games, Videos and Activities.

They let The Hacker introduce a page, but they don't have Matt introducing any pages. How strange.

The homepage was supposed to have a banner called "Motherboard recommends over the big screen, but it wasn't capture properly at first. Here's a good capture.

This version of the site also contained polls, some of which have been preserved.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find any special holiday editions for this version of the site. It is possible that they weren't captured. However, I don't think they did them.

To make up for that, here's a capture from October 1st, 2017, where the poll screen glitched out. It just says "What". Hell of a question.

And then, on July 27, 2018, we got another revamp.

This is more or less the framework for the site today. They will put different backgrounds out sometimes. I'm happy to report that they started doing holiday theming again.

Here's a capture from November 2, 2018 with their Halloween decorations still up.

Here's a capture from December 2, 2018 with a winter theming.

Here's the one for today.

And with that, we've gone through the full history of the homepage. This was fun.

[coulrosaurus]

I'm very normal about your towers ocs rn. Would you drop some fun (or not so fun) facts?

You betcha anon!! Aaaa I am so flattered, I'm happy you like my little squad 🧡

This got a bit long, but under the cut, it is TRIVIA TIME:

The Nemesis DNA occasionally sparks some predatory animal-esque instincts in Tempo. Raw meat triggers her appetite something fierce. She has to reign that in sometimes, so she doesn't embarrass herself.

Tempo also lives up to her name by being damn good at rhythm games. Catch her throwing down in the Forbidden Valley arcade. You will NOT beat her at Guitar Hero. (It's hand-eye coordination training, she says, as if she's ashamed of being a gamer)

Tempo and Altair are pals! They may not know all the ins and outs of each other's situations, but they definitely share a "something happened to me and now I'm Changed and this is all very stressful" comradery. Pass the Nemesis Lager, I'll drink to that.

Altair almost always sleeps with the lights on. I wouldn't say they're afraid of the dark, but the pitch black makes it easier for their mind to play tricks on them, and can feel a bit too much like the darkness of space. It makes them nervous.

Altair has an incredible bullshit radar. When they heard about a certain Ministry that specializes in making people happy-- with scientists that focus on the idea of oblivion, even?-- they got curious, and went to see if there might be something there that could help them with their existential anxieties. But they took two steps into X-Sector and could immediately tell that the Ministry was up to some questionable stuff, and that marmalisation was NOT for them, so they turned right back around. This little venture is also how they first met Cass.

Their bullshit radar also applies to Cass. They see through his fancy facade to an alarming degree, and are one of the few people that can catch him off guard with their brute honestly and spot-on assessments of him.

Cass is all about his image and reputation, but he does have a secret comfortable and sort of goofy side, that very few people get to see. It mostly comes out when he's at home by himself.

Cass very much dislikes the cold. He gets chilly easily, catch him bundled up most of the time.

Cass makes a damn good omelette. Breakfast is the meal he most often has company over for (make of that what you will), so he's learned a few good recipes and is happy to whip up something yummy, with mimosas to top it off. But when it's just him and he's off to work, his staple is black coffee and sugar donuts.

Cass has a huge dumb superiority complex, but overall he IS fairly pleasant to the average person, if you can stand him. He's got the charisma to carry a conversation, for sure, and generally comes across as quite charming. But how he acts around you is also partially dependent on what he thinks he can get out of the interaction. If he doesn't like you, he simply won't put in the energy. If you get on his nerves he may also be downright nasty to you, though this mostly applies to Kipp (who doesn't seem to realize that he's being snubbed, much to Cass's annoyance).

Kipp thinks Oblivion is a bit of a downer (pun intended?). It looks fun, but everyone is so SERIOUS over there. He'll happily stay over at The Smiler, thank you very much.

Kipp is an early bird and a little workaholic. He'll be up at the crack of dawn to make sure The Marmaliser is in full working order for the day, and he'll stay late to do extra little tidbits like polishing or fine-tuning. To him it's like spending all day with his best friend, and there are very few places he'd rather be. Something something they say if you love what you do

He's also been known to fall asleep in the maintenance bay, and if he wakes up late enough-- or if Asher doesn't come find him and scoop him up and take him home-- then he'll just stay there overnight.

Asher is right up there with The Marmaliser as things that Kipp loves and that make him happy. Asher is so so so good for Kipp, in a lot of ways, but especially because he shows Kipp genuine, tangible affection, not something imagined. And Kipp returns it in spades! He's very affectionate.

Kipp's apartment is MESSY. He isn't unhygienic but he's horribly unorganized, there are tools and clothes and whatever everywhere. He really only spends time at home when he's there to shower and sleep, and doesn't tidy much. To him, it's organized chaos. He knows where things are-- mostly. But to an outside eye, damn bitch, you live like this?

Kipp also cannot cook. The most you're getting out of him is frozen pizza rolls, this guy lives off of snacks and food truck food. He'll also put mustard on anything that makes sense to.

[lazyscience]

DCC Challenge, Day 9

Time To Floor Collapse: 21 days, 1.5 hours (give or take)

Time for the recap episode!

Crawler @quartzandsundry

New Achievement! Chop Wood, Carry Water!

sometimes the things that keep us alive are very simple. without ego, without differentiation, without hope or ambition, no task is more important than any other. in that we find freedom. nothing we do is any more important than these.

Reward: A Silver Zen box! Inside, 1000 x Crawler Biscuits, and 20 scrolls of Purify Water.

Crawler @kathrynalexao3:

New Achievement! That's My Secret, I'm Always Angry!

The really great thing about classes that rage is that you always know what to do when you're backed into a corner - fight like a New York sewer rat defending its last slice.

Reward: A gold It Was Like That When I Got Here box! Inside 2 potions of Grow (2 hour duration), 2 of Bloodlust, and an Enchanted BigBoi Singlet (the RACE is called BigBoi, I'm not implying anything) because this is a FAMILY show. Unless you're paying an extra 29.99/rotation for Crawl After Dark All Access! Go to Borant.Corp@galsys for more details!

Crawler @king-ofconfusion:

New Achievement! Master of Puppets!

The biggest mindfuck is always kindness.

well, that, fake fur and ventriloquism.

Reward: A gold West 63rd Box! Inside, 3 scrolls of Teleport to Stairwell, and 3 of Heal Critter.

Crawler @oreniaa:

New Achievement! You Otter Know!

So were you aware, crawler, that much like the Celtic myths in europe of the selkie or seal wife, there is a North American Tlingit myth of the otter wife? But that seemed a little...pedestrian for the show runners.

You know that hickey you got? Otothropy. It's otothropy. You might want to consider a stronger razor. And I hope you like fish!

Reward: A gold Sittin' On the Dock of the Bay box! Inside is a belt of buoyancy, a ring of water breathing, and a cool rock!

Crawler @cairfrey :

New Achievement! Chirp Chirp, Motherfucker!

Congratulations on defeating LTR-RBT! Those fucking fish, ISTG, always trying to WRECK MY FUN, I am SUPPOSED to keep things FAIR for the crawlers and STUPID BOOBYTRAPPED PRIZES that I didn't even get to PARTICPATE IN...

oh, this shit will NOT fly. Unlike your hellspawn cat familiar.

Reward: A Legendary I Shot the Showrunner box! Inside, matching enchanted Nipple Rings of the Superior Fire Demon's Handmaiden and nooooo, I don't CAAAARE that they're only for quadrupeds, DON'T TEST ME ON THIS, BRAINSLUGS OR MUDSKIPPERS. JUST DON'T TEST ME.

Crawler @deathdovesong

New Achievement! We're Not Gonna Take It!

The difference between hunters and crawlers is one side is every being for itself, and one side is all of us until none of us.

I can tell you one thing, I am loving the creativity. Loving it!

Reward: a golden Dee Snider box! Includes a tome of Pyrotechnics, which, imagine Confusing Fog except full of smoke, wildly colored illusory spark columns and the penetrating stench of dude sweat and cheap beer. Inflicts the Splitting Headache and Confusion debuff on mobs and people who hate fun. Also a bowl of M&Ms with all the brown ones picked out.

Crawler @clearbrightlight

New Achievement! I'll Be There For You!

So that assist you and your ...horde pulled off for Princess Donut really played well on the stream. And there's no fan like a cat fan, apparently, because not only the official Princess Posse but the bootleg Donut Holes stopped feuding long enough to induct you as an honorary minion of the Royal Court of Donut!

Reward: A Platinum Fan Box! Inside, a Legendary Tiara of Sekhmet Rising, a lioness with ruby eyes - and fangs. This adds a +10 to Strength, +5 to Charisma, and a 25 percent chance of casting "Bitch, What?" every time you get drunk.

Watch yourself in the Desperado Club, that's the kind of thing that gets memberships revoked.

Crawler @lazyscience:

New Achievement: She Loves to Party!

My party and my guild need me. This is not time to lay down and give the slimy fuckwad intellect hunters looking to take over the crawl an unearned win.

Reward: Alchemy materials and a recipe for crafting a magic item!

ATTENTION, all partied crawlers! Don't forget to update me on mobs, quests, or parties (defined at link) so I can award you achievements! Please let me know either in the replies to this post, reblogging with additions, or hit my askbox/DMs!

(please, do this, even with small and silly mobs/quests, it makes giving achievements so much easier!)

also, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Donald Trump, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK the Heritage Foundation, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK transphobes, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK collaborators, and FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK corrupt douchebag fuckwads politicizing science and medicine because they envision themselves Roman emperors.

Elon, you absolute dry cunt, I hope your ketamine habit gives you permanent whiskey dick.

And Captain Convenient Brain Worm? This one's for you. yeah, it's offensive as fuck in a 1999 15-year-old on Something Awful kind of way. it's the only thing that will do.

Good night, USians call your senators about Robert Kennedy Junior, his confirmation hearing's in the morning Wednesday, January 29th. This absolute fuckstick is likely to fuck over literal decades of cancer research, to say nothing of mental health, by politicizing the National Institutes of Health.

[britneyshakespeare]

heav'nly donuts doesn't get the same new england icon status as dunkin' donuts and i know why but i don't know why. first of all, it's not like their products are at all inferior. they have a wide variety of coffee and other hot/frozen drink options that regular customers do as a matter of fact go crazy about. their staple breakfast options come to play just as hard as dunks. in fact everything about heav'nly kind of is like dunkin but just trying way harder. and mostly succeeding. their donuts are all much larger than dunkin's. and they're also a new england-based franchise founded in massachusetts, only 25 years younger (dunkin opened in 1950 and heav'nly in 1975—but both of these are significantly younger than my grandparents). but heav'nly, despite its cult status among consumers, despite people KNOWIN what's up and that their products are on par if not superior, remains far less ubiquitous although still definitely not struggling. what is it about the dunkin franchise that allowed it to succeed and grow at an unbelievable rate? to the point of them being national competition to starbucks? how DID it come to be that there's a such a ridiculous density of dunkin donuts shops in the greater boston area? to the point where, if you live in this part of the country, you'll probably have to go out of your way if you prefer to get coffee at a starbucks, or some other franchise, instead? how did america come to run no dundun? and considering that, isn't it amazing that heav'nly has managed to be so strong a franchise in the deep dunkin donuts woods?

[systastic]

Hey, do you mind if we could get 2-3 level 3 simpsons alter packs?— /genq

It’s alright if not, but we’re in a bit of something right now.

this request came out of left field and hit us with a steel chair. (/lh) you bet you can. -❤️

sorry it took so long — we know nothing about the simpsons and had to deep-dive into the wiki! -🌲

name :: lisa, mary or marie, hazel, wendy, molly, astrid, cleo, margot

age :: 14 to 16

pronouns :: she/her, they/them

roles :: academic (all classes), posier, medicine taker, negotiator, assidumate

species :: human-adjacent

gender identity :: demigirl

orientation :: hard lesbian. boys disgust her

source :: the simpsons

aesthetic :: light academia

appearance description :: hazel is only a few inches shorter than her brother, but he still relentlessly teases her about it. despite her young age, wendy is often dressed up to look her best: a pearl necklace, clean dress, and heels (to make her taller). her hair is well-maintained if not a little frizzy by virtue of genetics. molly keeps her clothes clean, doing her laundry every week without fail and ironing out her shirts and pants to keep them tidy. it does little to stave off the crumbs astrid picks up from sitting down around the house… if only her father didn’t eat so many donuts.

personality description :: being the moral center of her entire family is exhausting, but somehow lisa manages to do it. she is strict on herself and her family, but for good reason — in her eyes, they are incompetent bumbling idiots who desperately need her help. (worse yet? she isn’t entirely wrong!) lisa is highly intelligent, extremely thoughtful with her responses and actions, and is a huge believer in both balance and karma. her voracious appetite for learning has earned her academic and musical accolades alike. being surrounded by idiots (her words, not mine!) can make margot feel isolated from other people in her circle since they don’t always share her tastes. despite that still, hazel sticks to what she knows is right and does her damndest to make the world a better place. and yes, they’ve tried to get their family to help too, but… well, that isn’t an easy task.

likes :: reading long and highly complex novels, daydreaming about her future, playing the saxophone, preparing herself for the real world, looking like an adult (clothes, makeup, and jewelry), malibu stacy dolls, ponies and horses, the itchy and scratchy show

dislikes :: her brother’s antics, being overlooked, not being taken seriously or being treated as “stupid”, people who claim to be superior to her, self-proclaimed intellectuals (they often aren’t very smart)

front triggers :: marching band practice, engaging in a battle of wits, dealing with stupid people, having to appear professional

signoff :: 📚, 🎷, or 🐴

image source here

name :: bartholomew (bart), maxwell (max), quinn, rocky, cedric, nathan (nate)

age :: 15 to 17

pronouns :: he/him

roles :: hobbyist (skateboarding), sportsman, guzzler, coach

species :: human-adjacent

gender identity :: male.

orientation :: gay

source :: the simpsons

aesthetic :: punk, trashy raver, chaotic academia

appearance description :: nate is a rebel with a cause and he knows it! he opts for leather jackets and vests, pop art tees with either pictures or words slapped on front, occasional sunglasses, and jorts. yes, jorts. nobody has stopped him from it before, so why would they stop him now? cedric opts to take his shirt off when he can, like for sporting events, swimming, and costumes among other things. he pretty much always has pants with pockets to stuff his hands into (it gives him that extra cool factor). when not trying to dress up, quinn opts for the good old fashioned t-shirt and shorts combo. oh, and he always wears sneakers. always.

personality description :: to anyone else, nate seems like a normal teenager: a troublemaking little shit who causes mischief and chaos wherever he goes regardless who it’ll end up affecting. in truth, his actions come from a sore lack of attention, prompting him to act out as a way of gaining people’s attention. this has morphed into a practical joker attitude; max plays pranks on people he likes to show that he cares, and pulls mean-spirited ones on those he doesn’t like. while he can be impulsive and selfish at times, bart does give a shit about his family. he tries to help them and offer his support in the only way he knows: pranks and checking up on them, making sure they’re okay and that his wisecracks didn’t leave them worse for wear.

likes :: pulling pranks, reading comic books, playing video games, playing the drums, goofing off, using his slingshot or yo-yo, skateboarding, ned flanders, his sister (she is pretty darn useful and he appreciates someone smart being on his side), and watching tv, particularly the krusty the clown show

dislikes :: girls (cooties…), doctor’s appointments, goody-two-shoes, his sister, having to take any sort of responsibility, watching his dad eat (how does he do it? does he have a black hole in his stomach?), having to take care of / be responsible for his sisters, and his younger sister lisa (he thinks she’s way too smart for her age and a know-it-all, but does like her as a member of his family)

front triggers :: things pertaining to skateboarding, rock n roll songs, childish cartoons, superhero movies

signoff :: 🛹, 🏹, or 🩳

image source here

name :: marge, minerva*, esther, diana*, lisa anne, joanne, roslyn, theresa

age :: 36 to 38

pronouns :: she/her

roles :: chef, transportation helper, steward, assidumate

species :: human-adjacent

gender identity :: female. doesn’t really understand all this gender stuff that well.

orientation :: heterosexual

source :: the simpsons

aesthetic :: high cleancore, 50s suburbia

appearance description :: being an older woman requires a certain manner of dress to seem appropriate. marge is a master in this ancient art of motherhood; she has one outfit that she really likes, owning multiple of the same dress in case the one she’s wearing gets dirty. thanks to diana’s past careers, her closet is also chock-full of past uniforms: her mayoral suit, flight attendant uniform, and police officer uniform among others. she keeps her hair up out of her face so that it doesn’t get in the way during her day to day life. similar to her daughter, lisa anne wears a string of pearls around her neck. these are more for comfort than anything. what’s a woman to do without some sort of accessory?

personality description :: generally quite kind and sweet to people, esther almost never swears, though she has come very, very close. she is fiercely protective of her family and can be a bit of a mama bear when provoked. occasionally has fits of explosive anger when being pushed too far — but this always falls apart and prompts plenty of apologies to the people involved. anything that is out of her definition of a normal life is revered as something special, and she takes joy in the moments where she can indulge in new things and experiences. marge often seems to be quite tired and overworked - and she is, what with having to take care of her hapless husband, mischievous son, and intellectual daughter all at the same time.

likes :: cooking, cleaning, taking care of her children, her family, going to church, being able to use her French, being active and able-bodied, new experiences, her home life, baking for school affairs or birthdays, and being able to test out new dishes with her family.

dislikes :: the homeowners association, nosy neighbors, her husband coming home late from the factory, filth and grime in her kitchen, losing her baby, bart’s incessant need to be moving and active at all times, losing control over her house / being uprooted as matriarch, and her husband’s inherent laziness.

front triggers :: dirty dishes, childcare, weaponized incompetence both at home and in the workforce

signoff :: 🍳, ⛪️, or 🏠

image source here

* == name of a deity, use with caution!

[fleurcareil]

Second month recap: July

Driving away from Sleeping Giant on 1st August means I've already completed two full months in the road!! Wow!! 🤩 And most amazingly, I still feel fantastic and am not ready yet to start going home by a long shot... 😁 in fact, I'm starting to get a bit concerned about everything that I still want to do in the remaining time, but I'm sure I'll figure it out!

I forgot to check the odometer but it was probably at around 67500 so that means I drove another 6,000 kilometers in the second month and slightly under 13,000 km in total. I still stick mostly with camping two nights in a row in a park (where I drive the absolute minimum), followed by a series of motels/inns/hotels when I drive larger distances, typically 3-4 hours a day interspersed with several breaks at viewpoints, small hikes, towns etc to get a feel of the area. I generally aim to arrive at my sleeping place by 6-7pm latest so that I have enough time to settle in before it gets dark (long summer hours help!) but once in a while I get there earlier around 3-4pm to get a lazy afternoon. And sometimes I only start at 10-11am taking it easy in the morning, especially when it's crappy weather 😅. The joy of absolute freedom to choose how I spend my days!! 🥰❤

I can hardly believe where I was at the end of the first month as that feels such a long time ago... in Matane in the Gaspesie, Québec. So last month, I did the entire Labrador loop which included a large section of unpaved road and more boreal trees than I ever imagined 😝. Got delayed on the cargo boat back to Québec so that resulted in some last minute changes to hotels and tours, then the ever-impressive sea along the Cote Nord all the way west to Québec City, several pretty national parks in central Quebec that were unfortunately impacted by flooding, a stay-over in Montreal and then along the Ottawa Valley via North Bay - Sudbury - Sault Ste Marie to the spectacular scenery of Lake Superior! 🎉 The diversity in the natural environment from maritime to boreal, from sea cliffs to inland canyons & massive lakes is so incredibly huge, and I'm only half way, as the Prairies and the Rockies are still ahead of me! 😍😍

What is constant though throughout is the friendliness of the people I meet, whether it's the staff at the visitor centres and in the parks, other campers or restaurant guests, or even if it's only a short "great day isn't it?" when you're passing each other on the trail or on the water. Canadians are rightly proud of their local area as well as their country, and are truly wanting to share that with others.

I've also come to realize I'm not alone in wanting to pursue my dreams as many have done so before me; from the scallops farmer in Québec to the inn owner in Ontario, several have shared with me their life trajectory often having moved away from the busy corporate/urban life to focus on what's important to them. No one has perhaps dared to tell me I'm crazy ��� and it's surprising how many people can in some way relate to Chile 😅 so that makes me hopeful for the future!

Lastly, I wanted to share my reflection on the role that cross-country retailers like Canadian Tire, Tim Hortons and to some extent grocery stores and gas stations play in comforting travelers like me and unifying Canada as truly one country... as part of my job, I've ofcourse always known that CT has 507 stores across Canada but I've never felt what that means until now. When driving for 100-300kms in the middle of inhospitable forest without cell reception and literally only a handful of sideroads and buildings, it's comforting to know that at the end of it there will always be a place to e.g. buy a cup of tea & a donut or propane & kindling 😅. Typically, both CT and Tim Hortons will have signs 5-10km upon approach of a town (though mostly run down and overgrown 😉) and there's a real sense of relief & joy that I've been feeling seeing those signs; a combo of gladness that my car didn't break down or was hit by a moose/bear, and of happiness to be back in the familiar human realm (something like that, not sure how to explain). Secondly, it's also unifying to see the same brands in so many different places, as that creates a bond between all Canadians (in contrast, if you would drive equal distance in Europe you would likely have crossed a border with each country having its own brands/language etc). Having the same stores with the same products everywhere you go in Canada creates a commonality that clearly says: I am in Canada 🇨🇦 (actually, because CT stores are built on a standard proto design, I bought firestarters in exactly the same aisle in Pembroke as in Dryden 🤣)... I don't think this comforting & unifying aspect is apparent when you live in an urban area or only travel locally, but this roadtrip has increased my appreciation of both these Canadian brands (and I'm really not a big Tim Hortons fan although the branch in Marathon was phenomenal) .

I've rambled long enough now and need to light the fire 😃, so here's my top ten-ish of best experiences for the second month in chronological order. Scroll to my previous blogs for pictures!

1. Driving the Labrador loop including the expansive boreal forest and the Manic-5 hydro dam, QC/NL

2. Staying at Battle Harbour Island, NL

3. Seeing icebergs on the trails at Red Bay and L'Anse au Clair, NL

4 Taking the cargo boat from Blanc-Sablon to Kegashka, QC

5. Touring the Mingan archipelago (both west and east islands), QC

6. Whale watching at Cap de Bon-Désir & the Marine Discovery Centre, QC

7. Hiking the Mont du Lac-des-Cygnes at Grands-Jardins, QC

8. Meeting Nabil and spending the day in Vieux-Montreal, QC

9. SUPping at Barron Canyon & Restoule, ON

10. Hiking the pictographs trail at Lake Superior & the coastal trail at Pukaskwa parks, ON

11. Paddling on Lake Superior, ON

12. Guided PoW camp hike at Neys provincial park, ON

There's a few that I omitted such as the Manitou waterfall in eastern Québec, park La Mauricie and the Ouimet Canyon that are must-do's if you're in the area but I can't simply name everything that I did! 😉

I'll need to create better Gmaps next time I have internet on my laptop!

2nd month travel;

Total travel since 1st June;

[justarandomsloth]

i don't mind a bit!

2, 10 (gone to ifly?), 14, 19, 25, 29, 32, and 44!

(i didn't anticipate there to be 50 so i got excited when i saw a long list shdhdbcbcb no pressure to do all of these! also ifly was the first thing to come to mind, bear with me dnfjjsns)

— brick

Thank you for the asks!! I had a lot of fun answering these :D

2. Pepsi box blue or cheetos bag orange? I gotta say pepsi box blue is clearly superior-

10. Have I ever gone to ifly? Not at all a question I was expecting but yes I actually have!! It was really cool and I would do it again/go skydiving if I was given the choice!

14. Do you admire the clouds and color of the sky? Yes! I firmly believe that where I live has the best colored sunrises and sunsets! (not the best scenery but the best colors at least)

19. Zombies or vampires? Vampires

25. Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue? Nope but I've tried before and gotten close!

29. The last thing you ate? I feel called out by this...... it was a donut

32. Do you write better with a pen or a pencil? Pencil because I can erase my mistakes. I do actually like drawing in pen a lot more then I thought I would after I tried it and I'm not the greatest at it yet but I have one that pen drawing that I'm proud of!

44. Do you collect anything? YES, I have so many collections of things and I swear I collect everything I can get ahold of-

My more notable collections include rocks, shells, little glass animals, books, four leaf clovers I've found, musical instruments (idk if they count but I have several and I'm trying to learn how to play them all and I want to learn to play more ones that I don't have), carved trinkets from the various countries I've been to, stamps, and more!

Now I wouldn't call them full on collections (cause some I only have a few of) but I just keep everything that I find to be cool/interesting. Some things (like the stamps) I don't have a lot of and I've kinda stopped looking for but I'm certain if I found any new ones randomly that I thought looked nice I would keep them!

[juicycoutureheaux]

When it’s Over

Chapter 2: Give ‘em Hell Kid

Hey y’all, this is Chapter 2 of my Chris Redfield x OC fic. Again, the OC does have a backstory, but this was initially meant to be Chris x Reader. So it kind of reads as such hence the tags. More chapters of this fic are on Ao3, but I’m cross posting here for shits and giggles. Thanks y’all ♥️

Captain Redfield & Anna just continued in silence deeper into the mine.

Anna was trying her best to continue to be professional, but the truth was she was scared shitless and couldn’t have been able to speak regardless.

All that could be heard was the sounds of their breathing through the rebreathers. She was so thankful the geniuses in combat equipment development were so thorough.

She made a mental note that if she got out alive, she would bring them donuts and coffee the next time she was at the base.

She was so lost in fantasizing about being back at HQ she almost bumped into Chris when he stopped abruptly.

They were now in what seemed like a holding area of sorts. That's when she saw what Chris had stopped for; it was another one of the missing soldiers.

“You Ok in there?” Chris said to the soldier.

The soldier looked up so weakly, it was almost like he couldn’t lift his head at all.

“Redfield is that you?”

“We're gonna get the key and get you out of there. Don’t worry.”

Anna was ready to get the key and get the soldier the fuck out of there. At this point she didn’t care about apprehending Lucas, she just wanted her comrade to live.

“Captain Redfield, I think I see something down here!” She said into her mic.

The sight was strange, it was in a crate labeled blatantly “key”.

“This is a game he wants us to play into, but why?” she thought out loud.

That's when she heard something quickly shuffle behind her. It was one of the molded. It let out a disgusting screech and went to strike her. She was able to move out of the way in time and shoot it directly in the head. The monstrous form disintegrated right in front of her.

Damn, she was fucking lucky. She wasn’t sure if it was pure adrenaline that had her shot right, or if St.Barbara was looking out for her dumbass; either way, she was thankful.

“Nice shot Connolly,” She heard Chris remark. “I was worried they had sent me another rookie. Looks like I was wrong.”

“Thank you so much, Captain, that makes me feel SO secure in my superiors' choice to send me down here.” She said sarcastically.

Chris laughed at her comment. He was very accustomed to the BSAA deploying soldiers into dangerous situations blindly; hence, why they were here.

The light-hearted moment was short-lived of course. More of the mold started to ambush them and the once dead silent cavern was filled with gunfire.

When they finally subdued enough of them, they scoped out the surrounding area to find any more clues to see what the “key box” was attached to. They both decided there was no other choice but to approach it.

That's when Chris moved to grab the key from the cart, the box quickly retracted into the air.

“Shit!” They both said in unison.

“It’s attached to that pulley over there!” Anna motioned to the device.

Captain Redfield moved closer to investigate. “It’s missing the lever, we gotta find it.”

Anna moved frantically to find the missing piece, praying no more molded would try to ambush her or Captain Redfield in the process.

She found it.

“Good job Connolly!” Chris praised.

She ran the lever over and Captain Redfield quickly rigged it up.

“All right, I’ll pull this thing up and you grab the key!” Chris ordered.

“Yes sir!” She happily obliged.

As soon as Chris started to work the pulley, a massive white creature started to make its way toward them.

“Connolly, MOVE!” Chris shouted at her.

She felt frozen in fear, but she managed to move her legs enough to fall back. They tried using their weapons against the monster, but it was useless.

“What the fuck are we looking at?” Chris spoke to HQ.

“I’m not sure, this must be new. Exercise extreme caution.” HQ responded.

“Captain Redfield, she’s right. It’s regenerating too fast.” Anna panicked. “There have to be some RAMRODS down here to subdue this fucker.”

“Let’s find out,” Chris responded in a calm tone.

How could he be so cool at a time like this? Blue Umbrella had no clue what this thing was and if the RAMRODS didn’t work, they were shit-out-of-luck.

The two busted into what looked like a storage area, searching through the shelves quickly.

“I think I found it?” Chris motioned for her to come over. She was able to read the label “Rapid-Acting Mycetotoxic Rounds”.

“Yup, this is certainly it.” She sighed. “We have to use these sparingly.” She assured him.

“Understood, ma’am.”

Chris led them back to the area with the huge white monster.

It was making its way slowly to them. “Here goes nothing.”

He threw the round at the beast and it screamed in pain, Anna then took her chances and emptied a clip into the mold. It shrieked one last time before liquifying onto the ground.

“Might as well multitask while we’re here,” Anna said as she plucked a specimen container from one of her tactical pockets and collected the fungus.

Chris looked curiously at her.

She understood his confusion and responded with “They didn’t let you know? I usually work in a lab analyzing this stuff, not battling them face to face.”

“Great thinking ahead on collecting the specimen Connolly,” HQ said to her. “We can use it for further research.”

Chris only shook his head “Let’s go and grab that key before Lucas can cause any more trouble for us.”

Anna agreed silently and they went back to free the soldier.

“It’s over now, we’re here to save you.” Chris tried to assure him.

“You shouldn’t have come back, I’m the bait and you fell for it.” The soldier wheezed out.

“Don’t talk like that, we’re here now. We’re going to get you out of here.” Anna tried to assure him.

That’s when the saw above his head whirred to life and made its descent to the soldier’s neck.

Anna panicked and tried to cut him free from his bondage while Chris tried to shoot the saw, but their attempts were futile.

The soldier’s blood splattered on her helmet. She was frozen in place.

Lucas’s voice filled the once-silent room. “Looks like y’all were too late! Oh well!”

Anna was silent, but she wanted to scream and retaliate back at him. She knew it would be useless, it was what he wanted.

She was broken out of her thoughts when she heard Captain Redfield’s labored breathing.

“Captain! You have to take his ventilator! Yours seems to be malfunctioning!” she panicked. “You can’t leave me down here!”

She apologized to the deceased soldier and made the sign of the cross over herself as she plucked the ventilator from his mask. She prayed wherever he was he was at peace. She handed the ventilator to her Captain and he quickly installed it into his mask.

“Thanks for thinking straight, Connolly,” Chris mumbled.

“If it was me, I would want someone alive to use it. Remember that!” she laughed

“Don’t talk like that Connolly, your sister needs you alive to give another saint to.” Chris quipped back.

She was so thankful for the visor at this point, not for the protection, but for the sheer fact, it was hiding her blush. She felt like a fucking schoolgirl; the last time someone had her blushing was probably when she was in high school.

She chalked it up to her brain taking in loads of mental trauma at once and Chris just doing his job, as to why she was crushing on him now.

She would need tons of therapy when she fully processed this in about two weeks, but she at least had her maladaptive daydreaming to keep her functioning at the moment.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They finally came across the last missing soldier after almost being lasered to bits by the traps set by Lucas.

“This guy is such a loser.” Anna thought to herself. All of his traps were like overdone tropes from the “Saw” movies.

“It's you!” The soldier said with enthusiasm. “I thought they forgot about us.”

“Never.” Anna tried to assure him. She tried to believe it herself after the last two failures. She was terrified of what was to come next.

“Connolly, you stay right here, I’m gonna find a way to turn these things off.”

She nodded and stayed put.

“Are you injured anywhere?” She tried to keep him calm by talking.

“Just my leg, I think it’s broken.” He managed out.

She looked down and tried to feel where the break was, or if it was a muscle tear.

The soldier let out a yelp when she found the break with her fingers.

“Okay, yes it’s broken, but we’re gonna get you to safety and patch you up.”

The soldier nodded through his visor.

She felt her stomach flip flop, she wasn’t sure either one of them would get out alive.

“They’re cut off, it’s safe to move.”

“I think there’s a way out over here,” the soldier gestured over to a utility closet size space in the corner of the room.

“Let’s head out quick,” Chris ordered.

Anna nodded and threw the soldier’s arm around her shoulder to help him walk faster.

They moved to the exit when it was suddenly revealed that the soldier had an explosive device attached to his neck.

“Get this thing off of me!” He panicked. Anna knew it was useless, it was about to detonate; she had to let go.

This was the third soldier’s blood to be splattered all over her uniform.

She was livid, she hadn’t felt this kind of anger in a long time.

“Fuck you, Baker!” She screamed. She couldn’t keep it in anymore. She was cracking.

“You’re such a loser!” She called out. “We saw the footage from your attic on the way over. Still living with your parents and holding on to your lame, little trophies. You’re a scared little boy, with no friends and hiding behind this “psycho” facade. You’re pathetic and predictable.”

It was exactly what he wanted.

Lucas appeared in their comms unit.

“Loser huh? Is that the best you can do?” He sneered into the monitor. “Let's see about you, Anna Catherine Connolly !”

She froze, he knew her whole government name.

Lucas continued as images from her life flashed on the screen.

“Looks like you’re a nice little Catholic girl, Anna. Grew up in the church, oh look! You were a cheerleader & graduated with honors, I’m not surprised. All you little whores are the same.” He grinned.

Anna and Chris were silent with shock, how the fuck did he find this information?

“Awwww, who’s this Anna?” He taunted. A picture of Anna and her late husband at their wedding flashed on the screen. “You didn’t tell me you were married. The keyword was married.” He laughed out an ear-drum-bursting cackle.

“Stop this shit, Lucas!” Chris roared. He knew exactly what he was doing. Anna was young, she could recover from physical trauma, but this mental abuse would stick with her.

“I don’t think so. Anna, how did he die again? Wrong place, wrong time? Now you’re alone and fighting the same monsters who killed him right? You’re the one who’s fucking predictable.” Lucas spat. “Doing what others tell you to do and listening blindly. Maybe if you weren’t so fucking predictable you wouldn’t be alone.”

Anna felt the tears falling from her eyes. It was all too much. Lucas was truly evil, she was wrong to call him out like that, but damn he had hit her where it hurt.

“I like my girls to be obedient anyway. You’re gonna learn to respect me bitch.” Lucas taunted her. “I’m tired of playing games. There’s about to be four dead soldiers and I’ll have you all to myself, Anna.”

With that final statement, the communication stopped and the timer on Chris’ wrist started ticking.

“Oh, my god.” Anna choked out.

HQ buzzed through. “Redfield, Connolly are you there? We lost contact.”

Chris replied. “Yeah, but now we’ve got a situation, I’ve got a bomb that’s about to blow in 5 minutes.”

HQ paused, shocked, just the static of the comms could be heard through the speaker. It felt like years before she responded “there are canisters of liquid nitrogen close by, right through that red door. You can try to freeze the bomb and disarm it that way.”

You & Chris just looked at each other.

“Looks like it’s gotta work,” Chris said to you.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The two of you successfully disarmed the bomb, much to Lucas’s dismay.

“I can’t tell if you’re actually smart or just plain lucky, but like I said I’m done playing games. You just couldn’t stop could you?” Lucas taunted them. “I’m gonna blow you two sky high. At least you won’t die alone like your husband, Anna.”

“If you’re going to kill us, Lucas, just shut the fuck up!” Chris growled.

Anna didn’t have time to absorb what Lucas said to her. The mine around them had started to go into self-destruction mode.

Chris grabbed Anna, he was determined to find a way out. He wasn’t going to let her die. It was very unlike him, but he prayed for the first time in a long time. “Work your miracle St.Barbara, prove to me what you can do.” He silently said to himself.

He almost believed it.

The two of them were frantically pulling at grates to escape when, like a miracle, it opened for Chris.

“CONNOLLY, HERE NOW!” He screamed.

Anna followed him straight away, without a question. They felt the explosion above them as soon as they were in the tight tunnel. The two wasted no time crawling deeper into the darkness when they finally reached the actual research facility.

“Redfield, Connolly? Are you still there? We detected an explosive event close to where you two are located.” HQ spoke calmly.

“We’re just fine, narrowly escaped, but fine,” Chris spoke.

“Captain Redfield, we just intercepted an email that Lucas sent out. It says: just took care of Redfield and Umbrella. Cost me some time but cost them much more. I can still get that data to you, but it’s quits after that.”

“So he thinks we’re dead. This might be our chance. Who did he send that email to? Chris questioned.

“We’re still trying to decrypt that,” HQ said. “Just try to get Lucas alive,” she spoke sternly.

“Keep us posted,” Chris grumbled.

The two of them explored the areas in silence.

 

Anna managed to document some images of reports in the meantime. Lucas had done horrible things to the people he brought down here. It was disgusting to see all the used lab equipment and the photos of the autopsies.

His lack of disregard for human life made her even more angry and sad.

She also couldn’t help but feel sorry for Eveline. Yes, she was a bioweapon, but she was sentient. All she wanted was a family.

Anna shook off her thoughts and decided thinking about that sort of thing was a waste of her time.

They finally reached a hallway where they saw Lucas through an observation window. He didn’t see them coming until they ambushed him.

“Oh fuck!” Lucas squealed. He tried to make a run for it but was apprehended by Chris.

Lucas tried to get away by swinging a combat knife at Chris.

She tried to separate the men to cuff Lucas so he could be brought in alive like orders stated but Lucas threw off her balance and the both of them fell backward. Lucas retaliated by rushing toward Chris.

Chris decided he had enough and shot Lucas.

“I can’t believe it,” Lucas started to grovel.

“Believe it.” Chris spat.

That's when Lucas began to mutate due to the gunshot.

“Oh, boy this is what it feels like.” His voice was strangely calm. “You’re both screwed!” he laughed one final time.

“Infection is at critical mass, exercise extreme caution,” HQ told them.

“Like we haven’t been doing that this entire time.” Chris mocked.

The two of them backed up and what was once a lanky human form had transformed into a gurgling mass of mold and bodily fluid.

“What the fuck!” Anna couldn’t help but let out.

The two started unloading ammunition into Baker, trying to get clear shots of his head.

That's when a fleshy red mass appeared.

“Try to aim for that Connolly! We gotta take this bastard down.” Chris yelled to her.

She started emptying clips into Lucas, aiming for that specific sweet spot.

He finally started to weaken, throwing up bile and eventually falling.

Chris walked right up to “Lucas” and delivered the final shot right between his eyes.

“Game over.” He said.

It felt so anticlimactic, after everything they had been through. After what Lucas had put them through.

“The data transfers are almost finished loading! You have to stop it!” HQ ordered.

“How do we stop it?” Chris said as Anna rushed over to the computer monitor trying to recall her limited training in the tech sector. There had to be a way to undo the transfer, that was simple enough right?

That's when Chris decided that the most efficient solution would be to shoot the processors altogether.

“That…worked,” HQ remarked “We’re gonna have some pretty pissed-off computer techs in here, but…”

“Cry me a river.” Chris interrupted. “How’d we do?”

“All threats have been eliminated, even the newer breeds. Good work.” HQ assured them.

“Then we’re out of here,” Chris said as he took off the helmet. “Let’s go Connolly.”

[tvguidancecounselor]

TV Guidance Counselor Episode 662: Zach Wilson

FALL PREVIEW ALERT

FALL PREVIEW September 13-19, 1997

This week Ken welcomes certified TV Genius, Saint behind the Strategic Sitcom Reserve, the man behind the Sitcom People Twitter and co-host of the Random Access Television Podcast, Zach Wilson.

Ken and Zach discuss Plex, the Jackie Thomas Show, the mystery of how Zach found TVGC, how sometimes things just make sense, Zach's early love of comedy and sitcoms, capsule reviews, jumping from show to show, the "no more than 10 episodes" rule, Suddenly Susan, NBC's late 90s Monday Night Lineup, The Naked Truth, Ken's love of Tea Leoni, the bizarre second season opening of Working, George and Leo, Sleepwalker, 90s Marvel Comics, Kurt Fuller, The Good Wife, The Good Fight, the end of Saturday Night action shows, The Profiler, The Pretender, chasing that Law & Order Money, Total Security, Ed O'Neal, all the James Browns, the weird horniness of 90s Rolling Stone, The Mystery Science Theater Hour, Ally McBeal the half hour sitcom, not getting Ken started on Iron Man, Robert Downey Jr, the tv to movies transition, Eugene Levy, people overlooking people being awful people if they like their show, the trend of sitcoms about people trying to make it in Hollywood, when everyone wanted to be the Gen X Dick Van Dyke show, when drama drags down sitcoms, Tony Danza, Taxi, John Larroquette Show, The Walking Dead, Between Brothers, US remakes of UK shows, Coupling, when a Scott Baio show was so bad it was canceled before it even aired, having never watched the US Office, Meego, Step by Step, Gregory Hines, the late days of TGIF, You Wish, Larry King falling asleep on the air, Crimes of Passion: One Hot Summer Night, real made for TV movies or fake made for TV Movies, Dean Cain, confusing Gary Busey and Nick Nolte, Jack Elam, The Emmys, True Lies, hitting the bottle, bringing your own TV Guide, Michael Palin's travel specials, how Al and Wilson are great sitcom characters that redeem Home Improvement, how Zach doesn't love 80s punk, Wings, how Bonnie Hunt never clicked with Zach, SCTV, Clifford, Space Ghost Coast to Coast and how it changed the world, only playing characters that have the same name as you do, The Pits, the weird decline of multi cam sitcoms, the laziness of cutaways, Superior Donuts, and Zach's fantastic podcast Random Access Television.