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cricketandbooks · 7 months ago

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THE HEART — Dead Boy Detectives

Niko Sasaki: grieving, isolated, fearful, charming, intelligent, the bringer of love and hope

THE EYES — Crystal's Playlist THE BRAINS — Edwin's Playlist THE BRAWN — Charles' Playlist

This is my playlist for Niko Sasaki that chronicles her life, and her death. I hope you like it! Just as a disclaimer, I'm not a native Jappanese speaker, so I did my best when it comes to translations. That being said, I am sure there are mistakes, so don't be afraid to correct me. I have included where I got my lyrics so that you can take a look yourself!

Annotations for the songs on the playlist under the cut:

Tracks 1-5: Unrequited

Track 1: Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day (Music Box Version)

This song discusses Billie Joel Armstrong's grief over his father's passing when he was 10. The title references what he said to his mother after the funeral. It discusses the death of innocence, and it appeared that Niko was incredible innocent before the death of her father. The song has a melancholy feeling to it, even in music box form. Music boxes are associated with children, and the death of her father and leaving home forced Niko to grow up too fast. While I chose the music box version in part because I felt it matched the feeling Niko gives more than the original, it is also because even though she is feeling grief, she cannot verbalize it to anyone until she meets Crystal. She cannot verbalize it to her mother because of her fear of disappointing and lying to her, and she cannot vocalize it to her classmates due to the sprites. Thus, her feelings are trapped within her, like a music box traps the music in itself.

Track 2: Ue o Muite Arukō/Sukiyaki by Kyu Sakamoto

This is a song by Kyu Sakamoto, discussing a man who whistles and looks up as he walks to hide his tears and sadness. To me, it represents her mother sending her away in an effort to fix her daughter's sadness, but that only succeeded in isolating her grieving daughter. This song sounds upbeat, but the lyrics give away its mournful nature. Here is the translation I used.

"Ue o muite arukou (I look up when I walk) Namida ga koborenai youni (So that the tears won't fall) Omoidasu haru no hi (Remembering those spring days) Hitoribocchi no yoru (But I am all alone tonight)"

These lyrics represent that while Niko agrees to go on this journey to boarding school, she is still deeply traumatized by her father's death. The sadness and memories follow her, and make her feel more alone than ever.

"Kanashimi wa hoshi no kage ni (Sadness lies in the shadow of the stars) Kanashimi wa tsuki no kage ni (Sadness lurks in the shadow of the moon) Ue o muite arukou (I look up as I walk) Namida ga koborenai youni (So that the tears won't fall) Nakinagara aruku (Though the tears well up as I walk) Hitoribocchi no yoru (For tonight I am all alone) (Whistling)"

There are a lot of references to nature such as the different seasons, the moon and shadows. This demonstrates the all encompassing nature of her grief, as she sees it everywhere she is. It also seems like her father was connected to nature, based on his dandelion advice for courage. As Niko goes to America, she is more alone and sad than ever despite her cheerful demeanor.

Track 3: Runaway by Aurora

Niko developed a fear of death and danger after her father's passing, and this fear kept her from truly feeling at home in the world.

"I was listenin' to the ocean I saw a face in the sand But when I picked it up Then it vanished away from my hands, dah"

This lyric could represent Niko's feeling that life is fragile and precious. It could vanish in an instant and for no reason despite its inevitability, like a wave crashing into the sand.

"And I was runnin' far away Would I run off the world someday? Nobody knows, nobody knows And I was dancing in the rain I felt alive and I can't complain But no, take me home Take me home where I belong I can't take it anymore"

Leaving Osaka and running away was thought to be able to help her, but instead made her feel more fearful. Even though this change gave her the energy to gather up courage, what she truly wanted was to feel at home in the world again. The fear and the grief was agony to her, but Osaka was no longer a place she could feel safe in as she did not feel supported by her mother.

"I was painting a picture The picture was a painting of you And for a moment I thought you were here But then again, it wasn't true, dah And all this time I have been lyin' Oh, lyin' in secret to myself I've been putting sorrow on the farthest place on my shelf La-di-da"

She holds on to the memories of her father and who she used to be when he was still alive, but instead of it being to keep his memory alive it was due to loneliness. Using his memory as a sort of self harm, she sought to alleviate the pain by putting her best foot forward and leaving Osaka even though she knew it was futile.

"But I kept runnin' for a soft place to fall And I kept runnin' for a soft place to fall And I kept runnin' for a soft place to fall And I kept runnin' for a soft place to fall And I was runnin' far away Would I run off the world someday?"

This represents her fears of never being able to find a place or opportunity to grieve, as she knows running from her issues will only cause more issues. She craves company and acceptance so that she can fall into grief and begin to heal.

Track 4: Landscape With a Fairy by aspidistrafly

This song represents the moment Niko goes to get her dandelion and gets infected by the dandelion sprites.

"Dyed in daybreak's light Sound asleep, curled Blue bird's first flight Silent world"

At first Niko finds peace in nature as she searchers for a dandelion. Her guard is down and she doesn't see the warnings.

"Burnished by Autumn Trees hued in crimson Yet the days darken Now you've gone away"

Lost in her sadness, she can't truly see the world around her, keeping her mind narrow and focused on trying to find something to make her feel closer to her father and to feel better. If she wasn't so lost in her mind, she may have noticed the shrine before it was too late. Red also sometimes indicates danger when found in nature, this to me symbolizes that her grief was what put her in danger.

"Waking from a dream The sun floods her eyes To unravel such a scene Of scarlet splendor"

The sprites take Niko and imbue her with a dazzling light, however this proves to be a further tragedy. Their splendor drowns out her despondency and struggle behind their parasitic need for attention without true connection. As stated in the previous verse, scarlet or red also typically indicate danger when found in nature, further demonstrating the trouble she was in.

Track 5: Everything is Scary by German Error Message

Niko enters the unknown and was unprepared for the challenges she was about to face.

"Having held it in my open hands How did it feel then? Now having felt it Describe the way the sun hit A tree you saw when you were ten"

Having witnessed death with her own eyes, she is still stuck in her past. Her fear of losing in combination with her parasitic infection keep her from being able to express how she feels to people even though she desperately needs to. Memories fade over time, and she's afraid soon her father will become even hazier, like the memories you have as a child.

"I think of everything When I'm driving not knowing where I'm going Hearing dogs bark in your new neighborhood"

Niko becomes more and more lost in her thoughts, not being able to make the boarding school her home. Barking dogs can be scary when you're in an unfamiliar place, showing that she is off balance and lonely.

Tracks 6-11: Philia

Track 6: Anthems of a Seventeen Year Old Girl by Broken Social Scene

Despite Niko's quirkiness and surreal presence, she has this ability to keep the group grounded in reality and what really matters. The reality is that they are kids who are struggling to figure life/existence and love out. That they will make mistakes, even the same ones over and over again, but still the must forgive each other for it. This song also has a nostalgic aspect to it. Niko is emotionally intelligent, and knows that even though everyone is insisting that the situation and community are temporary, they will look back and miss this time in their life. The repetition of this song could represent the monotony of existence, but the song has a way of making it feel magical. Niko romanticizes life and tries to find the beauty in everything, even the act of dropping phones and parking cars.

Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that Now you're all gone, got your makeup on, and you're not coming back

However, this song is tinged with the fear of things coming to an end, symbolizing her fear of death and being alone again. She has a group of people that accept her despite her potentially off putting personality, and she's afraid that she will be left behind as people change. She knows she's not someone who conforms to society, and she doesn't want to abandoned because of that. This is a common fear for teenagers, but is is important to her in particular because she feels she doesn't have other people to turn to.

Track 7: Kokoro no Tomo/心の友 by Mayumi Itsuwa

As Niko allows herself to become close to the group, she begins to develop her own sense of courage and a community who loves her. Translations from here and here.

"Anata kara kurushimi wo Ubaeta sono toki (At the time you took away my suffering,) Watashi ni mo ikite yuku Yuuki ga waite kuru (That living courage starts to rise even in me.) Anata to deau made wa, Kodoku na sasurai-bito (Until I met you, I was a lonely wandering person) Sono te no nukumori wo kanji sasete (Let me feel the warmth of your hand.)"

In this song, she thanks the agency for alleviating her of her loneliness and fear. She felt no one understood or accepted her, but she was able to find solace and purpose with her friends. In particular she found solace in Edwin, who immediately liked her not just in in spite of her quirkiness but because of it. They go on to develop a close friendship, encouraging each other to overcome their respective fears of the past and of their future.

"Ai wa itsumo RARABAI (Love is always a lullaby,) (Tabi ni tsukareta toki) Whenever you feel tired from your journey, Tada kokoro no tomo to watashi wo yonde (Just call me, your friend of the heart)"

Niko was the friend that everybody talked to about their deepest fears, and was willing to listen to them even when they were tired. Her gentle and compassionate nature demonstrates her attitude that love is soft. She also felt understood by the other members, empowered to become part of the world again.

"Shinjiau koto sae dokoka ni wasurete (Why do people pursue happiness whose days have passed,) Hito wa naze Sugita hi no shiawase oikakeru (Forgetting especially the belief in one another somewhere? Shizuka ni mabuta tojite kokoro no doa wo hiraki (Close your eyes quietly and open the door to your heart.) Watashi wo tsukandara namida fuite (When you take a hold of me, wipe away your tears.)"

Realizing that she must make peace with death and the past, Niko holds on to hope that happiness and peace can be found elsewhere. Her friends provide her with that comfort as she starts to heal from her grief.

Track 8: Warrior by Aurora

As opposed to the last song by Aurora on this playlist, through her friendships, Niko was able to finally begin to return to the world and feel at home again.

"I can't recall last time I opened my eyes to see the world as beautiful And I built a cage to hide in I'm hiding, I'm trying to battle the night"

Niko's father seemed to be the person that showed Niko the beauty of the world, and when he died that beauty was lost. However, now that she is no longer alone, she isn't too afraid to once again open her eyes to the joy she once saw.

"Let love conquer your mind Warrior, warrior Just reach out for the light Warrior, warrior I am a warrior-ior-ior-ior Warrior, warrior I am a warrior-ior-ior-ior Warrior, warrior of love"

Niko was the friend group's champion of love, believing in it wholeheartedly even when the others had doubts. She was the one brave enough to talk about the truth and put herself out there, particularly for Edwin and Jenny. Despite her fearful nature, through love she is able to become a warrior.

"I stand behind the wall Of people and thoughts, mind controlling And I hold a sword to guide me I'm fighting my way"

Despite being constantly underestimated, Niko is a very intelligent and observant person. Being able to accurately observe others, she is able to do what the other characters are not in order to help them achieve happiness.

"Underneath darkened skies There's a light kept alive"

Despite all her work, I interpret a small part of her matchmaking and encouragement to a part of her that is doing this because she feels like if love does not work out, then life is not worth living. She also feels insecure at not having had a romantic relationship herself. However, she is still able to pull through and be the light in all of their lives despite any potential failings.

Track 9: Best Friend by Kana Nishino

As Crystal and the boys prepare to leave, Niko makes it clear to them that they are precious to her. In a group that doesn't always communicate the extent of their feelings to each other, it was so important that this is communicated.

"Arigatou (Thank you) (Kimi ga ite kurete hontou yokatta yo (I’m glad that you’re here) Donna toki datte itsumo waratte irareru (No matter the time, I can always smile) Tatoeba, hanareteite mo nannen tatte mo (No matter how many years pass) Zutto kawaranai deshou watashitachi Best Friend (While we’re away from each other nothing will have changed, we're Best Friends) Suki dayo… (I love you…) Daisuki da yo… (I really love you…)"

It is Niko that insists that the group is better and stronger together, even as they prepare to part. She is unashamed to insist on continued connection, becoming the glue that holds them all together.

"Konna osoi jikan ni gomen ne (I’m sorry for waiting so long to say this) Hitori ja seppatsumatte kita no (I was driven into a corner alone) Kimi no koe sukoshi kiketara (When I hear your faint voice) Ganbareru (I felt like I could make it) Nande mo uchi akerareru (I can tell you anything) Mama ni mo ienai koto mo zenbu (Even things I can’t tell my mom) Dare yori mo wakatte kureru (You understand better than anyone)"

Niko has found a community that makes her feel brave, both when it comes to putting herself in dangerous situations to protect her friends, but also to be honest to her mother. She is beginning to come out of her self imposed isolation.

"Sonna kimi ni watashi wa nanika shite agerareteru kana? (I wonder if there’s anything I can do for someone like you?) Nanika attara suguni tondeku kara, (When I figure it out I’ll race over to you,) Zettai (Absolutely)"

Sometimes Niko's plan to help fails dramatically, and she feels insecure about this. However that doesn't stop her resolve to help her friends no matter what. Her resilience in the face of her mistakes is part of what makes her so strong, and a force of hope for the group.

Track 10: Fuyunohanashi/冬のはなし on Given performed by Shōgo Yano and Centimillimental

This song, while about someone's partner who committed suicide, to me it also accurately describes Niko's search for closure after the death of her father. After becoming friends with the detectives and Crystal, she is able to be closer to accepting her father's death and overcoming her fear of it. Translations from here and here.

"Mada toke kirezu ni nokotta (Just like the shade of snow) Hikage no yuki mitai na (That hasn't completely melted) Omoi wo daite ikiteru (I carry on with these feelings inside me) Nee, boku wa kono koi wo (Hey, with what words) Donna kotoba de tojitara ii no (Should I close the door of this love?)"

Niko struggled and suffered greatly on her search for closure, almost giving up on love entirely. She even threw away all of her Boy's Love paraphernalia when her efforts to overcome this lack of closure was thwarted. While she was trying to prove to herself that love was worth the sadness via external sources, she had yet to fully turn inward and reflect.

"Mada tokenai mahou no youna (Just like a spell that's still unbroken) Soretomo noroi no youna (Or maybe it's some kind of curse) Omoi nimotsu wo kakaeteru (I'm still holding on to my thoughts) Nee, boku wa kono machi de (Hey, what kind of tomorrow) Donna ashita wo sagaseba ii no (Should I look for in this town?)"

Despite all of her triumphs, such as overcoming the sprites, there's still lingering sadness in her. She still hasn't written her mother, holding on to her thoughts of sadness and potential resentment. Now that she has friends, she is able begin to process what she wants out of remaining in Port Townsend.

"Anata no subete ga katachi wo nakushite mo (Even if your everything loses its shape one day) Eien ni boku no naka de ikiteku yo (You'll always be here with me) Sayonara dekizu ni aruki dasu boku to (As I try to move on again, even though I couldn't say goodbye to you I’ll carry on because I know) Zutto issho ni (You’ll always be with me)"

Finally able to let go of her fears of forgetting her father and of death itself. She is beginning to keep the memory of those she lost close without pain. Niko's father will always be a part of her, and even though she can't see him again doesn't mean that will be forever. I also chose this song from Given—a popular BL anime—to symbolize that Niko is believing in love and hope again. She is staying true to herself despite the hardship's she's faced.

Tracks 11-13: Agape

Track 11: History Maker by DEAN FUJIOKA

As Crystal and Niko prepare to save the boys, Niko is given the opportunity to demonstrate all her growth as she prepared for a dangerous battle. Niko also canonically loves Yuri!!! on Ice, so she gets two songs from that on this playlist.

"Can you hear my heartbeat? Tired of feeling never enough I close my eyes and tell myself That my dreams will come true"

Niko hadn't felt truly alive in a long time until she joined the agency, now that she is a part of the group, she can feel alive again. She encourages Crystal in their preparations, believing that love can prevail and everyone will be saved.

"There'll be no more darkness When you believe in yourself, you are unstoppable Where your destiny lies, dancing on the blades You set my heart on fire"

She refused to be left behind again, this time believing in herself. Niko has the ability to set hearts on fire, warming them and bringing them back to life. She did this with Edwin, but also with Tragic Mick, who was able to provide them with tools to help them defeat Esther.

"Don't stop us now, the moment of truth We were born to make history We'll make it happen, we'll turn it around Yes, we were born to make history"

Fully back to believing in her friends and love, she demonstrates the most courage she has yet so far.

Track 12: If by Kana Nishino

During the battle with Esther, Niko's feelings about life, death, and love come into focus, as well as her relationship with fate itself.

"Moshimo ano hi no ame ga (If the rain that day) yandeita nara (Had stopped) Kitto surechigatteita dake kamo (I'm sure we probably would have passed right by each other) Itsumotoori no jikan ni (If the bus had come) BASU ga kiteta nara (At its usual time) Kimi to wa deau koto ga nakattanda ne (We may not have ever met)"

As the group fights to save Charles and Edwin, Niko is able to reflect on the sheer miracle it is that everyone is able to be together and to have become friends. If just one different decision was made, they would not have found each other.

"Kimi to onaji mirai wo (I want to forever see) Zutto isshoni miteitai (The same future that you do) Onaji hoshi wo onaji basho de (Let's forever look at) Mitsumete iyou yo (The same stars at the same place) Kimi no egaku mirai ni (In the future you envision) Watashi wa iru no kana (I wonder if I exist) Onaji sora wo onaji omoi de (I want to look at) Miageteitai yo (The same sky feeling the same emotions)"

Even as things are set to change again, Niko decides to fight against the fate where they are all separated. She is going to fight to stay together with her new family, feeling the same emotions and experiences together.

"Guuzen wa saisho kara (It is as if all the coincidences) Mou kimatteta mitai ni (Have been decided from the start) Kasanatta futari wa unmei tte shinjiteiru yo (Our fates are to cross by each other, so I believe)"

This song discusses the concept of fate, particularly of people meeting each other. It seems to be fate that Niko ended up in that room fighting Esther and fate that she will face her ultimate fear of death. Throughout the series Niko has been associated with death, both from the magic eight ball that predicts it, to her hair turning white after the sprites (white being a color of death and mourning in Japanese culture).

"Tatoeba namida no hi mo (No matter if it's a day full of tears) Hare no hi mo futari de (Or if it's a bright sunny day) Onaji michi wo itsumademo (I hope we can always hold hands) Te wo tsunaide arukemasu you ni (And walk down the same roads)"

As she sees Crystal in danger, Niko hopes the very red string of fate that binds them together will stay strong despite the finality of her decision. Her hope is no matter what, she will be reunited with the ones she has grown to love and cherish.

Track 13: 愛について — Agape from Yuri!!! on Ice

Niko and love are fundamentally tied to each other. Throughout the series, Niko has been associated with the concept of philia, that is the love one has for one's friends and family. She has been shown the heartbreak that can come from that kind of love, either through death or by making mistakes that hurt other people. However, she was able to overcome these hardships to become the truest friend she could be. It has all been leading to the moment where she sacrifices herself to her greatest fear, finally demonstrating agape. Agape is considered the highest form of life: selfless and unconditional. It is a love that is both a feeling and a way of life. The lyrics discuss how life is temporary:

"Sic mea vita est temporaria (So my life is temporary) Cupit ardenter caritatem aeternam (He longs ardently for eternal love) Credam, dabo, sperabo (I will believe, I will give, I will hope) Honorabo, laborabo, gratias agam! (I will honor, I will work, I will thank you!)"

Due to the temporary nature of life, Niko has been searching for a love that lasts forever. She tried to find it in eros and philia, but now in this moment she understands what she has been missing.

"Magna, magna caritas (Great, great charity) Magna, magna caritas (Great, great charity) Ah! Audio vocem tuam! (Ah! I hear your voice!) Adest mi libertas! (Here is my freedom!)"

By performing an act of great charity, the ultimate sacrifice, Niko is granted freedom from her fear of death.

Niko's story is not over. Like the memories of her father, her presence will continue to affect the characters for the rest of the series. Her journey throughout the season in regards to love has shown her resilience, intelligence, maturity, and growth. And while in this moment she has achieved the ultimate form of love that she craved, she has so much to learn.

#niko sasaki #edwin payne #charles rowland #crystal palace #dead boy detectives #edwin paine #dbd #the dead boy detectives #spotify playlist #character playlist #Spotify #her playlist was the most difficult to make despite being the shortest #I wanted to capture her vibe as well as her story because she has such a presence #hope i didn't absolutely embarrass myself with the translations #either way I love you niko nothing bad happens to you ever!!!!#crystal palace surname von hoverkraft

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