#Suit Saeran

[brainrotsaeran]

just posted this to tiktok :) same username as here

got the idea to draw little Choi like that from a Seven spaceship thought that says "Saeran looked so adorable when he was young, in his overalls" (he also has a Baskin Robbins tub of icecream, he deserves it)

[sapphireicecream]

💃⛓️🥀🕺

[dailysaeran]

Omg ouji lolita Suit hiiiiii

[natasha-in-space]

✦ In The Dark ✦

Pairing: Suit!Saeran/gn!reader.

Summary: Power outages are never a pleasant hurdle to deal with, especially in a thunderstorm. Having to keep an eye on an annoying toy like you on top of that is a disaster waiting to happen. But Saeran is stubborn, and so are you.

Notes: 'Realizing you've reached the point of no return' promt for anon! Some heavy kissing and lots of conflicting feelings involved. You and Saeran have a rocky dynamic.

AO3 Link - 4k words.

Credit: dividers by @/saradika-graphics.

"For God's sake, will you just shut the hell up already!?" 

Saeran's voice rang out harshly, the high-pitched tone bouncing off the walls of your room and hurting his own ears with its volume. The deafening rumble of thunder rattling the entirety of Magenta to its very foundation right after felt almost like a wordless retaliation of Mother Nature herself in response to his outburst. He certainly interpreted it that way. Right now, it felt like everything was purposefully trying to get under his skin. And it was working. 

Despite his full intention of hopefully scaring you off enough to finally make you go silent on him, his voice came out way harsher than he intended. Which only added to Saeran's steadily growing restlessness and frustration as he turned away from you, raking a hand through his tousled hair for the upten time already, his fingers shaky and his knees weak. 

He never liked rainstorms, and he especially did not like thunderstorms. No matter how old he got and how strong he grew, one boom of thunder would instantly send his heart flying up into his throat, making it hard to breathe. He wanted to curl up into a tiny ball and slither away into some faraway dark corner where it's safe. And that's no way for the strongest member of Mint Eye to think or feel. 

Saeran hated rainstorms because they were a cruel reminder of a weakness he couldn't overcome, no matter how hard he tried. 

He never liked you, either. Not one bit. In fact, he despised you. You were a damn thorn in his side, nothing but stubborn and infuriating since day one of his introduction to you. Always having way too much to say and refusing to back down no matter how hard he pushed. It was like the two of you were always at each other's throats, bickering and fighting over the smallest of things. And, really, that would be fine with him. Hell, that would be great, actually. Saeran would love nothing more than to laugh straight in Ray's face the moment his precious innocent angel turned out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. 

No, what he hated the most about you, was how, despite all your senseless squabbling with him, you were never truly cruel to him. You would throw his harsh words and insults right back into his face, but you never put him down. You would get smart with him for the sake of nothing but getting on his nerves, but you never kicked him when he was down. He couldn't understand you. How you could be so damn assertive and cocky without having to be cruel like him.

Much like rainstorms, you were a constant glaring reminder of his weaknesses. It goes without saying that putting the two together would leave him on edge, to say the least. 

So the fact that he was now pretty much stuck alone with you in the cramped space of your room for God knows how long? With nothing but your annoying presence, your petty comments, the stupidly pink colors of your room, and your maddening scent to keep him company?

To say that Saeran was in a sour mood would be like saying nothing at all.

Of course, no one was making him stay here. But he wasn't naive enough to let you out of his sight during a power outage. Like hell he would. He just knew you'd try to do something stupid and annoying, as you always do. Like escaping. Or making him look bad in front of the Savior on purpose as revenge for everything he put you through. Or sabotaging their paradise by seeking out that cursed liar that was like a cockroach you couldn't kill no matter how much you stomp on it with the heel of your boot. Just because you never tried doing any of that before didn't mean he would let his guard down for you. He knew you'd take advantage of that as soon as you could.

Not on his watch, you won't. He was going to sit right here with you and watch over your every move until he could continue to do so from his cameras like usual. Even if the sight of you was as irritating as a fly buzzing in front of the screen. 

Though what he truly hated the most about this entire predicament was how you somehow managed to make him look like the more anxious one between the two of you. 

Because he wasn't anxious.

Not one bit. 

And the booming sounds of thunder rumbling through Magenta had no effect on him. 

Nor was he on edge because of the storm outside throwing long branches of surrounding trees against your window with every gust of wind.

It was you.

It was always you.

Everything was your fault.

“-No, I will not shut up,” you grumbled, pulling him out of his angry spiral. Your arms were crossed over your chest defiantly as you huffed and shifted in the chair you were seated in, your eyes following his every move as he paced around your room like a lion in a cage. The chair creaked and groaned under your weight, the sound only irritating him further. A small part of him thought of stealing that damn chair from you and making you stand just for the sake of it, but that was way too childish even for him. At least he could see that it was kind of uncomfortable for you. The back wasn't tall enough to reach your shoulders correctly, making your back a bit stiff. Or maybe it was his presence making you tense up so much. He could live with that. Though, that self-assured look you were giving him was really getting on his nerves. “It’s not my fault you guys forgot to schedule a thunderstorm into your plans. And I'm not forcing you to stay here, either. So quit yelling at me already.”

Did you have to always talk back to him like that?

"Well, it's not my damn fault either,” he snapped back at you as he moved away from the wall he was currently leaning against, stomping up to your bed, a heavy sigh escaping his lungs, betraying the exhaustion he was feeling on the inside. God, he hated how soft and inviting that bed of yours looked. Like a forbidden fruit calling out for him to give in and try a taste of its promise of rest. He hated how you could snuggle up under those plush bedsheets comfortably while he was left to sleep, sitting at his desk for thirty minutes at most. Suffering from nightmares more often than not on top of that. So, he falls back onto your bed unceremoniously, feeling the soft material welcome his added weight as it dips under him.

He was only able to lie back for a minute, though, your scent quickly assaulting him stronger than ever before, making him get up again and start pacing around your room, agitation rolling off of him in waves. His irritability was increasing by the second, and you were the only one he could turn his anger towards. As you often were.

“But you're still pissing me off.”

“-Oh, I’m pissing you off, am I?” 

His head snapped in your direction, watching you stand up from your seat, crossing your arms again. Deep down, he knew he was being unfair to you, really. Of course he knew that. Saeran wasn't an idiot, nor was he naive. In a way, that was the point of it all. And he sure hoped you would finally break and prove him right. Give him something he could throw back into Ray's stupid face next time he whines about you being this devoted and perfect angel that cares for them in a way no one else did. 

That was just a load of bullshit.

So, he let you walk up to him, a heated glare to your eyes that rivaled his own. Some part of him was expecting you to hit him, his muscles tightening up under his tight suit like a coiled spring, fully ready on jerking away and covering his face in a movement that was way too familiar to him. Instead, you simply leaned towards him, backing him up against the wall until his back gently bumped against the smooth surface, your hands now resting on both sides of his arms, caging him in. Though, there was still a significant distance between the two of you. You weren't necessarily looking down at him, nor were you trying to make him shrink away from you. 

A big part of him wished you did.

“You’re the one who came here, Saeran. I told you I wouldn't do anything. You just never listen to me." Your annoyed voice practically hissed into his ear, your breath fanning across his skin in warm puffs of air, contrasting against the anxious chill overtaking his body. He suppressed a shiver. He figured it was a shiver of disgust. It must have been. He sneers, his nose scrunching up in displeasure as he returns your heated glare with one of his own, his shoulders squared and his chin raised up high, refusing to show any weakness. 

“What, and listen to you? Don't make me laugh." Saeran mocked, pushing back against you, his eyes narrowing with simmering frustration that was just waiting to spill free, like a bubbling cauldron slowly coming to a boil. He leaned in so he could be eye-to-eye with you, not being intimidated in the slightest. Because that's what you were doing to him, surely. Trying to intimidate him. Scare him off. Break him. Well, he wouldn't let you. He tilted his head to look at you, his gaze filled with a silent challenge. “Forgive me for not taking orders from someone who's only good enough to be a helpless prince/ss and a useless toy."

A cocky smirk pulled at the corners of his lips as another teasing comment flew off the tip of his tongue with ease, fully intent on getting under your skin and riling you up further. Although his tone was mocking, his body was tense, his palms sweaty as he balled his hands up into tight fists. You backing him into a wall with your face so close to his didn't help at all with the rising tension in his muscles whatsoever. If anything, it made it worse. 

He was struggling to gather his thoughts, which only made him feel even more angry. Both with you and himself. He was usually very in charge of himself when he was in front of the other believers, but having you here—being pressed right up against him like this—left him completely unprepared. He had to struggle to stop himself from staring at your lips, a notion that scared and confused him all the same.

Much to his frustration, however, your lips only tugged upwards with a slight smirk of your own in response to his attempts at getting back at you. The fact that he almost had to look up at you in order to even glare at you properly pissed him off quite a bit. He did not like feeling small. He wanted you to think that he was big and imposing. Not someone who could be backed into a corner and looked down at. But you kept him firmly against the wall, preventing him from walking away without you directly letting him. It was supposed to be the other way around. And, in a way, he recognized that this was not the first time you were like this. Only your roles were reversed. And now it was you making him feel smaller than he really was. 

As his head tilted back, your own leaned in even closer to him, the smirk on your face only growing bigger. He'd like to say that it was cruel and mocking, but it was really more playful and amused. Which wasn't much better, considering the circumstances.

“...You sure have a sharp tongue, I'll give you that.”

He was making a genuine effort to ignore you now. He really was, but he felt his control slipping through his fingers like sand as your face got so impossibly close to his. He shifted against you, his jaw locked in place as he stubbornly looked away from you now instead of holding your gaze, not wanting to give you the satisfaction of seeing him break. In part, because he was breaking. His breathing was starting to get a little labored as he tensed, his arms twitching with the need to either pull you closer and pin you against this damn wall to show you who's really in charge here or grab you by the waist and shove you away so that his heart stopped beating so impossibly heavy in his chest. He didn't know which one of the two he would choose when push comes to shove, and that indecisiveness was making him more anxious than he was willing to admit. 

“And you're acting like you're in charge, stupid toy. Again.” His retort wasn't nearly as sharp of a response as he was hoping for, but his brain was far too jumbled to come up with anything more coherent. 

Your smirk faded and a frustrated frown took its place. Despite his initial glee at your annoyance with him, he really didn’t like it when you challenged him or disrespected him like this. Then again, he didn't like you no matter what you did. The main reason your presence was so damn infuriating to him. You looked like you really wanted him to shut up. A sentiment that was mutual on his part. But before he could muster up some other cold remark to crush that spirit of yours, you suddenly placed one of your hands down on his hip without giving him much of a warning. His breath stuttered slightly in his throat, his fingers twitching at his sides as he looked down at your face, eyes widening. The force with which he was clenching his jaw was causing it to ache slightly, but he refused to relax.

What were you getting at here? And why did your touch feel like hot iron being pressed up into his side? Or was it his body that was suddenly far too warm for comfort?

What were you doing to him...? 

You leaned in even further until your face was almost level with his, your breath mixing with his and fanning against his skin gently. 

“...Watch it. Or I might just shut that sharp mouth of yours up myself.” Your voice lowered into a low whisper as you spoke, a quiet warning. Or a promise. He couldn't really tell. Being so close to you made it more difficult to think clearly. He opened his mouth to say something, to protest against your audacity to speak to him in such a bold manner, yet nothing but a shaky exhale came out. His mind felt too empty and full at the same time, his eyes subconsciously darting down to your lips for the second time. A notion that you definitely took notice of, judging by how intently those eyes of yours were watching him. When the thick silence between the two of you remained unbroken for another long minute, you continued, your thigh now gently and slowly sliding between his legs to rest your knee against the wall behind him, bringing your body that much closer to him. Your scent hit his nostrils like a hurricane that made his head spin. "Or maybe... that's what you want me to do...? To make you stop thinking for a while?" 

He knew you wanted him to shut up and let you win this. But he was not going to let you. And this ploy of yours, whatever it was, was bound to fail. So, he was quick to open his mouth to retort with some sort of insult that would hopefully put you in your place. That’s when he saw it in your eyes. A sort of 'screw it' look, one you'd get when you felt like you had nothing to lose. And then you leaned forward just a tiny bit further and took hold of his chin with your free hand, making him look at you directly. He was prevented from doing or saying anything more by you practically slamming your lips against his, making him gasp sharply against your mouth.

It killed any words he had on his tongue. It took Saeran a second to process what you were-

Oh.

It was like a switch got flipped off inside his head. One part of him was utterly stunned and lost. The last thing he expected was for you to go and kiss him. Without him prompting for it or you pleading for your sweet Ray to return. Was this what you meant when you said you were going to shut him up? He knew of screaming at someone or hitting them to do that, but kissing? There must be something seriously wrong with you. 

And what's worse is that you were not kissing him like you kissed Ray out in the garden. This was rougher, more fervent, and raw. This was a memory being created between him and you. Not a recreation of something that already happened. And Saeran did not know how to deal with that. How to accept that you were kissing him. As Saeran. The same Saeran that did everything he possibly could to make you break, to hurt you, to use you to feel strong and invisible. 

Your lips were warm and soft against him, even as you pressed them against him with more force than he expected. There was no pain in this action. He didn't know much, if anything, about kissing. What to do, or how to reciprocate. But a big part of him expected you to sink your teeth into his lip and draw blood. You didn't. You were simply brushing your lips against his, the hot touch making his blood boil in his veins. You didn't go any further than that, starting to pull back from him all too soon. Maybe because he just stood there, frozen as a statue.

He didn't want that. 

He didn't want to confront what you just did or what it meant. 

He didn't want to admit to himself that he wanted more—to explore what this connection between you would bring. A connection between him and you. Between Saeran and you. He refused to admit that he wanted to know what it feels like to be Saeran, and not a tool or a shield.

That's a wish he couldn't allow himself to fulfill. And in some backwards streak of desperation to avoid dealing with all these feelings that were about to swallow him whole, he refused to let this end.

He switches immediately, his hand moving to the back of your head as he pulled your body flush against his and chased after your lips before you could pull back from him completely. He didn't give his action much thought. It was clumsy and desperate, his movements making it crystal clear he had no idea what he was doing, teeth clashing together and lips smacking at an awkward angle. He hated that you had the upper hand on him even here. You seemed surprised by his rather intense reciprocation, a muffled noise of surprise escaping you, but you don't push him away. You kissed him back, your own hand raising to cup his cheek, and he did his best to follow your movements, copying your motions the best he could. 

His hand on the back of your head grabbed a fistful of your hair, tugging on it slightly, making you emit a brief hiss into his mouth, one that he hungrily swallowed, his heart left stuttering in his chest for a completely different reason from before. It made him feel alive. He wanted more of it. More of you.  His other hand found your thigh on a primal whim, and he grabbed at it absentmindedly, to which you lifted it up to wrap it around his waist, the increased closeness between you two making him shudder against you, something between a whine and a growl rumbling at the back of his throat. He was not thinking clearly at all; he just knew he wanted you to be as close to him as possible right now.

To make the deafening thundering of his heart against his ribcage draw out the roaring of the storm outside that kept him so on edge in the first place. To stop him from thinking. He wanted his head blissfully empty for once in his miserable existence.

Only you.

Your touch.

Your warmth.

Your smell.

You.

He pushed you backwards, breaking the kiss for just long enough to stumble you both to the bed, pushing you down onto your back without a word being spoken, and climbing on top of you immediately.

You managed a quiet grunt, your eyes widening as he climbed on top of you. Feeling your shared weight dip the soft blankets and bedsheets of the bed, he let out a small noise of protest as you wordlessly rest your palms against his chest, preventing him from diving for another kiss with you. Your lips were parted as you finally regained your breathing a bit. Whether that was from the kiss itself or the sheer emotional intensity of what this all meant for you both from then on, he didn't know. A soft, slightly shaky exhale escaped you both almost in unison, and he was now left to stare down at you as your chest rises and falls slowly. Your expression was a mix of surprise and desire as you looked up at him, stunned and mesmerized. And that... scared him. It scared him because he hadn't expected you to like being close with him like that. He wasn't Ray right now. He wasn't even trying to pretend to be Ray for you. He was just... Saeran. In all his messiness and ugliness. 

And, most of all, it scared him because it felt so goddamn good. Because your warmth made all the buzzing thoughts that were constantly screaming at him at the back of his own skull quiet down. You were crumbling his fragile facade into a thousand pieces. And you were simultaneously making him feel more at ease with that than he ever felt.

He definitely was not expecting you to be so bold, either. It goes without saying that his goal of making you terrified of him has failed rather spectacularly. 

Your hand found its way to his waist again, resting just over his hip. Surely you could feel just how thin and boney he was under this tight-fitting suit. The truth of him being far weaker than he let on. But you didn't grab at him, nor did you push him off. Your fingers just squeezed him enough for him to feel the heat from your palm seeping through the multiple layers of clothing, soothing his cold skin.

“...What happened to the snarky comments? Feeling a little speechless now, are we?” you flirted, breaking through the silence, your voice coming out in a breathless murmur. The hand on his hip moved and settled over his stomach, with your thumb tracing a small circle against him. He shivered, his breath hitching sharply.

He had a hard time overlooking just how good you looked sprawled beneath him like him. The sight alone was making his suit feel a bit hotter than it should. You looked almost ethereal like this. Nothing but the faint light from the window eluminating your features, an occasional flash of lightning giving him just the briefest of glimpses of you as a whole. Your lips parted just slightly, reddened in color from the heated kiss you've just shared with him, your cheeks a noticeably deeper shade than they were before. Your eyes half-lidded and twinkling as they looked back at him. Seeing him. Not Ray. Him. 

He made you look like this. 

Saeran swallowed, his hands shaking as they rested against the plush mattress on either side of your head. He knew, in that singular moment, as he tried his damnest to even out his breathing, that there was no coming back from this. You saw his weakness, and he did nothing against it. 

And he liked it. 

"You... I hate you," he muttered, his voice hoarse and shaky, barely audible over the sound of rain drumming against the window.

"No, you don't," you simply responded, your free hand reaching up to cup his cheek, your thumb swiping just under his eye. He grabbed at your hand, keeping it there. He did not argue with you.

"...Kiss me again." 

[pastelsapphy]

Twins be Twinning

[keggsdov]

an old suit saeran drawing that i won’t finish. he is NOT gonna check the messenger and he WONT hope its from mc

[marshmallowprotection]

"What do you have there, Saeran?"

Saeran glanced over his shoulder to meet your gaze. He wasn't trying to go out of his way to hide what he was doing, which was a good sign, after all! It was a difficult transition to go from hiding something that had remotely anything to do with things that deviated from Mint Eye's goals to being allowed to enjoy his hobbies without a hammer being held above his head.

He knew you would never judge him for what he enjoyed, but he was still learning what he wanted to do with his time. It... was easier for Ray. Ray had begun to cultivate a garden in a small plot of your backyard. He started out a lot smaller despite the plans you'd seen in his journal if only because... he only had so much space to work with.

However, it gave him something to do in his free time and it kept his hands busy. Ray had a difficult time relaxing, and you knew that it wasn't that different for Saeran. He needed to do something. He couldn't sit still. They both didn't know how to catch their breath and let the moment play itself out. The therapist had advised them to take it easy, to build up their new hobbies without turning them into a big task like their previous job had done, but the idea of "taking things nice and easy" wasn't in their vocabulary.

So, to see him working on something made you happy, but you sought him out to make sure that he hadn't forgotten to take care of his needs. He needed to take longer breaks, drink some water, have a nice snack, lean his head back and relax his shoulders, and most of all, enjoy himself.

"A caterpillar habitat," he explained. "I noticed Ray's distress over a few eaten flower petals... and decided to investigate what creature had lunch in his garden. He doesn't want to hurt a little bug, but he doesn't want them to eat all of his flowers, either. I can't imagine I would be all that happy if somebody took me away from such a nice meal, so, I figure I should do something for the caterpillar."

A smile danced across your face as you realized his intention. Even after the fear Saeran had expressed to you about what he thought of himself compared to Ray, you couldn't see where he could've gotten that idea other than Rika. He feared that he was nothing but destruction, a hollow shell filled with nothing but anger, but here he was, with a pair of tender hands, taking care of a small bug that most people would simply smush to be rid of their "problem".

Not just because he wanted to look after Ray, but because he empathized with the creature who'd done nothing wrong.

He and Ray used to compare themselves to bugs, "we're insignificant, worthless, take up space, and better off dead". Saeran had only recently told you that they didn't view bugs like that... and the only reason why he ever said those words was... because they were insults hurled at him as a little boy. Those cruel words cut deep into his tender chest, into Ray's chest too, but they never thought to insult bugs or hate them for it.

How could they?

The bug had committed no crime, it merely existed. It was no different than how they never committed any crime by being born and... no one should have made them feel otherwise.

"I think that's a wonderful idea," you eventually said. "Have you been doing research on what they like best?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "It turns out there's a lot of material you can read on the subject online. I think... I've figured out the best environment for this little guy, though. I didn't want to get it wrong, so I made sure what I found was... more or less safe for his specific family. It's tricky to get it just right, apparently. It's so "simple" that you can miss it."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"...Can you grab some twigs from the garden?"

"Of course! We'll make the best home for your caterpillar friend."

[withoutzeuzey]

He's my muse

[just-mysme-headshots]

Happy Expression with Suit?

Yeah, this is my favorite gun! Thanks for asking!

[rfaromance]

The duo you've all been waiting for.

My eternal thanks to @sensetenou (@dailysaeran) for the love she poured into my silly piece.

[fr7204]

You think Ray is an angel?

Saeran on V's route tells you otherwise...

[sapphireicecream]

⛓🫧

[dailysaeran]

From July of this year! Shoutout to Saeran for celebrating his bday in the backrooms

[spiralofblood]

umm saeran eating a piece of meat??? LMFAO ?? idk if it’s disturbing so just in case😭😭😭😭🙏

_(:3」z)_

im so not excited to go back to school 💔 less time to draw

[almercuri]

✨BONUS✨ I couldn't help but do a chibi version for these guys as maids too who I call Ge Suit and Ge Ray in my headcanon ♡

[marshmallowprotection]

Saejoong Choi didn't have a change of heart, and he said that himself to the player when prompted to choose between saying "goodbye" or asking him a question. His back was against the wall. There was nowhere for him to run after the agency was dismantled piece by piece and frankly, he understood it was only a matter of time until the other crimes he's committed over the years came to light.

Now, there weren't many options left for him at that point.

He could've tried to run to a neighboring country before anyone had a chance to nab him, but there would've been no guarantee of safety or asylum given how fast he had to run off after he attacked Saeran in the forest. No ally would take in a Prime Minister on the run for a long list of crimes we're not even entirely privy to in the game outside of all the things he did to Mother Choi, Saeyoung, and Saeran.

Considering the way he talks and holds himself when you prod him for answers about his backstory for Saeran's sake, you can infer he's done unspeakable things and paid for worse. Any attempt at trying to skip the country would lead to him being extradited to Seoul and held accountable for what he did. It would only delay the inevitable, and as awful as this man is, he knew running wouldn't save him at the end of the day which is why instead of fleeing the country, he stayed.

When you and Saeyoung are sitting at Saeran's hospital bed where he's pretending to be asleep because he's not ready to deal with his twin brother (also because Saejoong is hiding behind a curtain and Saeran knows what Saeyoung will do once he catches him because that's what he needs for closure and peace), three days have passed since the confrontation.

Saeran says that Saejoong came to visit him in the dead of night, and they've been talking since then about everything and anything. I truly don't think there's a wrong answer when it comes to asking yourself... "What did they talk about?"

Saeran could've been talking all about his life, his experiences, trials, tribulations, and how he's landed on... forgiveness in the end despite what others think about his personal choice. In fact, that's what I am sure of. I'm sure Saeran told Saejoong Choi about what he's had to face in life because of his father.

So many people in this fandom have this gigantic misconception about Saeran's choice to forgive, filled to the brim with this idea that his forgiving his abusers means that he's absolved them of their guilt, or he's saying that he's forgiven them to give them a second chance.

It's because so many cultures across the globe have taught us that the idea of forgiveness is black and white. "Forgive and forget" isn't that what we've all heard? But, that's not the only way. Sometimes, you can forgive someone for what they did to find peace, but not to allow that person back into your life. You appreciate the apology but it won't change that this person is the last person you want to see in your life. You take the apology and send them packing after that for peace of mind.

Because an apology isn't supposed to be self-serving. Apologies aren't meant to make you feel better. It's supposed to show others that you're holding yourself accountable for what you did, and that you promise to do better, whether or not you hold contact with whoever you hurt after you give your apology. Sometimes, an apology isn't wanted, either.

If you try to force an apology on someone who has told you to "fuck off" already, then that's self-serving, isn't it?

For Saeran Choi, forgiving the people who deeply hurt him was about learning how to find the strength inside of his heart to forgive himself for what he did not only to the player but to others as well. Because... his idea of strength in Mint Eye, both Ray and Suit Saeran's idea... the very personas they adopted took facets from the people who hurt the two of them.

Especially Suit Saeran, mind you, who took parts of Rika, Mother Choi, and Saejoong to blanket himself in the idea that "If I am the largest monster, the other monsters can't eat me."

He screams a line of abuse that his mother once shouted at him when he was a little boy before he realizes who the words belonged to in the first place. He's building off of the horrible things his Mother said, later confessing that the abuse was meant for himself even if it hurt you as well, because he hated what he was doing but he knew if he didn't become "strong"—you and Ray would be killed.

He repeated line after line of a torture script Rika fed to him while he was in the basement to maintain the disgusting illusion Rika wanted so she would never think to destroy him... because he was "strong in the real way". Even though a part of him understood he would never be good enough in Rika's eyes. That's why Suit Saeran's onslaught of destruction crumbles in the end.

Because, no matter how much Rika tried to break his gentle heart, no amount of hatred could ever change what his heart truly felt. Sure, it is important to note that while understanding why Suit Saeran did what he did is how you learn the full picture, it doesn't absolve him of his actions.

You have a choice to forgive him in Ray Route, and you don't have to forgive him right away, you can even say that you don't think you can forgive him, and he accepts whatever answer you give him because... that's what forgiveness or the lack therefor looks like that. You're the only one who can decide what you want to feel, and there's no shame in whatever you choose to find peace.

You ultimately forgive Saeran in the end, broadly speaking from the way the RAE is written if you decide to move forward with him. But, there's one person who doesn't hold forgiveness in his heart.

You know who doesn't forgive himself? Suit Saeran. He didn't forgive himself and that holds true even in the RAE. His feelings of pain still exist in GE Saeran's heart, and it's not only his feelings that lead him to choose forgiveness, it's also Ray's desire to hold onto his dream of being able to see the full picture without blinders.

He did such awful things, he understands that, but if they don't see the full story for what it is, how can they move forward?

It's Ray's voice that speaks the loudest when they confront Rika on Day 10. That's when Saeran and Ray both see Rika for what she is... and how her heart is fraught with despair and pain. They see what reasoning she's been using all along, and it took Saeran doing the same thing to see things for what they were. He realized it when a world of cruelty couldn't protect him, only destroy the things he'd been trying to protect.

You can't use cruelty to justify your actions. You're just perpetuating what was done to you. Frankly, that's a huge realization for someone to have. That's the kind of damning realization you have somewhere in your healing process when you either do something wrong yourself or you see it perpetuated against someone you love instead of you... and you can't deny it for what it is.

"You're scared to step outside, aren't you? You're scared that people will leave you, Rika. Like you said, you don't want to be abandoned by someone, like how you were by your parents. That's why you're not leaving the people who came here, Rika. I see it now. You're trying to force everyone to do something," he says.

"Saeran told me this, and he said you'll always be heartless to the believers… because you'll do the exact same heartless thing they did to you. Saeran told me he did something heartless, too, because he didn't want to suffer such heartless things himself… and you're just hurting people because you're scared you'll get hurt, aren't you? And you're trying to justify your abuse, just like how your parents tried to justify their cruelty against you."

If that's what led Rika down this path, among other factors, what sort of path did his parents follow? Why? Why do people do these things? What leads them to make these choices? Does it even matter?

Does it make a difference if you know why someone tried to justify their wrongdoing? Well, that's a complicated question, isn't it? The answer many people have is that they don't want the backstory, they want to see the person who hurt them face the consequences.

But, it's not fair for anyone to tell someone who feels differently that they're wrong for wanting to hear someone out. Everyone has to do things their own way, and if you don't want to hear someone explain themselves, don't seek it out. But, this is something Saeran wanted, and to tell him he's wrong for wanting that isn't it.

How can Saeran forgive himself if he doesn't understand why the people who hurt him did what they did?

He understands why hate had to fill his heart to survive in Mint Eye, but why did Rika choose to embrace hatred? Why did Saejoong Choi decide to inflict pain onto the world? Why did his Mother hate him with every fiber of her being? He doesn't know why, and he knows he can't make the full picture if he doesn't hear the half of it from them.

Even if it's bullshit, even if it doesn't bring him peace, he wants to hear the words they have to say.

He wants to hear it.

For his peace, he wants to hear their side so he can better grasp why hatred filled his heart, too... not just because it was beaten into him to survive Mint Eye... because hatred was always a part of him. Hate and anger are emotions, just as much as love and kindness, and they are important to acknowledge. We can't deny them, and you should never live in fear of your "uglier" emotions, either.

But, anger nearly destroyed Saeran because he let it control him to survive under Rika's thumb, and he never wants to live that way ever again. He would rather choose understanding and kindness when... death is on the horizon. He doesn't want to live his life torn apart with agony, debating the rights and wrongs of every choice he's made to survive, he wants to embrace the answers of life and why people do what they do, knowing his kindness is his strongest ally in the face of cruelty.

His strongest power, his greatest ability, has always been his gentle heart.

I've spoken at length about Rika and Mother Choi before, but I don't think I've ever fully spoken about Saejoong here. Which is where I'm taking this particular post. It's easy to point out the trauma Saeran experienced via the maternal figures in his life, but the game doesn't go as deeply into his feelings about paternal figures. Sure, we have a lot on Jihyun, but Saejoong?

You'll find more about Saejoong within Saeyoung's heart because he hates that man with all his heart, every fiber of his soul, and anytime we're subjected to Saeyoung's perspective, we see things as they are. The valid and correct assumption is that Saejoong Choi is a monster in charge of many facets of the country, pretending to be a man of the people when he's actually a wolf in sheep's clothing.

We know what Saeyoung thinks of him because his worst nightmare is becoming a man like him.

But, Saeran? Saeran is a gentle boy, with a kind heart, and that's the definition every character who's ever interacted with him as a small child has ever said about him. He was terrified of his mother and his father, he gave some grace to his mother because she "protected us from father by not letting him have us" even though he understands she was only using them for alcohol money.

He's always tried to understand others even if those people aren't the types of people anyone would ever want to understand. Because, as the story goes, "Nice backstory, that's still murder, though!" I'm with Saeyoung on this one, but that doesn't mean I can't value what our Saeran desires most of all. He wanted to hear Saejoong's story, and that's why I purposefully don't choose the options where I lash out at this man even though he deserves it in my eyes.

I chose the options that gave Saeran what he needed to learn how to forgive himself.

But, there's a lot of language in your ultimate confrontation with Saejoong Choi that stands out to me for good reason. I think the point that stood out at first was: "You know, he's been giving me nonsense all morning. Now, I think I understand what that came from". That was Saejoong's retort to how you stated the obvious, Saeyoung and Saeran were never a threat to him, he was the one who'd decided they were a threat to him.

But, you keep laying into the Prime Minster, poking and prodding again and again, seeking out the answers you know Saeran wants. You're not sure if Saeran is alive or dead in that moment, so you're reaching out with his desire... the burning desire in Saeran's heart that wants to UNDERSTAND no matter how childish people may want to call that desire.

But, he pointed out that you sounded a lot like Saeran did when he was trying to speak to his father before you arrived. So, let's take a step back for a second and think about something important.

What does our Suit Saeran wear as he pretends to be the strongest of them all?

What does he cloak himself in to feel like a monster? He wears a suit. Not once does he possess the words his father might've spoken had they ever met when he was a little boy, rather, he wears an ill-fitting suit that's far more suited to the man who looms over him like a tree, casting a shadow around Saeran.

That's something that hasn't really been touched on by anyone over the years as far as I can tell but it's haunted me. Suit Saeran takes a piece of every person who hurt him... to become what Rika claims is "strong". His wearing a suit isn't just a fun style choice, it's by design. Shouting his mother and Rika's words wearing a suit that will never fit him, all the while crumbling in all himself because this isn't who he is and he hates every second of it.

What's scarier than the awful words of his maternal figures and the suit that terrified him?

That's why "those cruel words were meant for me" is what he says in his apology. He saw himself as a coward who couldn't do anything but obey Rika's cruel order to become the strongest believer of Mint Eye. He abandoned his kindness because he didn't have a choice in the matter, he had to do heartless things to survive, and that's what spurns him to look deeper at Rika later on. She must've felt the same thing she made him feel... so, could the same be said for his mother and father?

When do people accept cruelty into their hearts? When do they decide that they should let cruelty lead to more cruelty? Why do people attempt to justify cruelty? He doesn't know, and that's... hugely why he wants time to himself away from the front, leaving both you and Ray together to take care of one another while he sits with himself to reflect and learn.

The very notion that wearing a suit jacket could make him look like a monster comes from the phantom memory of men in suits he always feared were lurking around the corner, though.

There's actually an entry about that in baby Saeran's diary after he begins to attend the cathedral when his brother disappears. He says that men in suits have started appearing and he thinks that they're following him to and from church every day. What's scarier than the man in the jacket? Saeran's fear of his father is the fear of a man in a suit who could do horrible things—unspeakable things—to him, and it's one of the reasons why he embraced his mother.

He would rather have the devil he knows than the devil he doesn't.

At the very least, he knows what his mother will do to him if he does something wrong. But, Saejoong Choi? He doesn't know what might happen if that man gets him, and Mother Choi did nothing but fill his head with "what if"'s since he and Saeyoung were old enough to hear her speak and understand what she meant.

Suit Saeran adopts those clothes to make himself fit the "part". It's no different than how Ray tries to fit the big clothes that Rika made him wear, trying to fill the role she created for him even though that role would never be him. I'm not sure if Suit Saeran was conscious of his decision to wear a suit jacket, but I know regardless of his awareness of it, it was a choice he made and it's arguably reasonable to say the decision came from this childhood fear of his.

During his apology scene, he reflects on his actions and what led him to this point, but he has one question that can only be answered by... you.

Saeran: My darkness is melting away, but you still remain the way you are... how can you stay the same? You: I thought you were being mean to me because you were terribly wounded in the past. Saeran: You understood me. I didn't expect you to do so... I should thank you, shouldn't I? Thank you... for understanding me.

Your ability to see beyond the surface and attempt to understand Saeran validates his heart's desire to do the same. This is why the very moment you confront Saejoong, he tries to claim you're why Saeran spoke to him with understanding instead of ire, but that's assuredly not the case. You lifted Saeran and reminded his heart about his gentle desires, but his words are his alone.

He speaks for himself. No longer will people put words in his mouth. His autonomy is his.

Saejoong: I've done nothing wrong. You know nothing about me... there's no way some good-as-good-weakling is happier than me. The survivor is the victor, you see! Which is why I only win when I survive and be the best.

Suit Saeran's survival is the survival of the fittest. The idea that you have to be at the top of the food chain to survive no matter what. That's not how it works at the end of the day. It's not about being the strongest... not about being the top dog. Survival happens because the species in question ends up with the best chance to adapt to an ever-changing environment for one reason or another. Humans got lucky, that's all, and there's no magical tier of strength here to thank for it.

People misunderstand what that phrase means.

But, I'm not surprised when I see Saejoong pull it out of his ass like that because he's the kind of man who thrives with that ideology at the end of the day... and it's why this particular confrontation is for Suit Saeran's weary heart, just... as the confrontation with Rika was more for Ray than it was for Suit Saeran.

There are parallels here for a reason.

That's not to say that they didn't need both confrontations, that only Saeran needed this or Ray only needed that, but there's something they both needed out of these conversations, and one boy needed the Rika talk and the other the Saejoong talk for the full scope of their particular experience. It's how they find peace, it's how GE Saeran is able to give peace to the two sides of his heart that brought him into being.

How miserable it is for someone to claim to be the strongest. That's something Suit Saeran knew well. It's isolating, isn't it? It's dark and hopeless, isn't it? You get what you want by stepping on the backs of others, but all you're left with is cruelty. You lose yourself to anger... to heartless acts. You live in denial, too, and that's something Saeran's able to see from a mile away when he looks at Saejoong and Rika in the end.

Their goals might be different, but he sees no difference in the path people walk to subscribe to the survival of the fittest. Rika was scared of being abandoned, so she made people terrified to leave her behind in the dust, rather than embrace her fear and confess her fears to get help. She could've done things differently, but she turned away from the world, and embraced a twisted ideology instead.

Saejoong abandoned an honest living, spitting the face of those who shine shoes in favor of clawing his way to the top, because we're left to presume he started with sincere intentions, only to abandon them in the name of securing total power for himself the way he assumed everyone else was.

Sure, is it very naive and perhaps even too hopeful to assume people won't walk all over you for choosing an honest path like the one that Saeran wants to walk? Maybe, maybe it is stupid to walk down a road you know will be harder than the rest, but the question to ask is: Will you be able to live with yourself at the end of your life if you take the cruelest path instead? You won't be able to take what you get by destroying others into the next world, so why?

Why destroy anyone in the first place?

That's why when Saejoong tells you there's no turning back for him now, he realizes that there's nothing left for him if he accepts what's coming for him. He doesn't want to take accountability because he's well aware of what's on the other side. He can't change what he did to people, and he'll have to live with that forever, so why not go with the sunk-cost fallacy? It's already fucked, why not make sure it's fucked for good?

Commit to the bit until the very end no matter what since you can't live with yourself otherwise. I've seen it before... so many times. Why ever hold yourself accountable when it means you have to face what you've done and consequences that come with it? Why not keep the charade going forever instead of doing the hard work to make things right? It's because they don't want to do it. They know what they did, and they don't want to destroy themselves in the process of making things right.

That's what I call selfish. Because, if you have enough awareness to understand the consequences of your actions, you've got enough to understand what your actions did to your victim. If you're thinking of how your life will be ruined by owning up to your actions, then you're not truly thinking of atonement or making things right. You're simply serving your own satisfaction.

Saejoong saying, "I've done what I've done and there's changing it, so I may as well keep going until I can't go anymore" is his way of saying that he won't stop pushing because he knows what awaits him at the end of his wicked road. He deserves to live with that shame forever if you ask me. Given his quick response to try and blame the player for Saeran's injuries at the start, and his honesty in what he would do to his sons to serve his own needs?

Yeah, it's easy to see what kind of man he is. Blame everyone else for his problems instead of facing himself in the mirror.

Saeran and MC offer Saejoong something many of us don't think he deserves, rightfully so mind you, and that's the understanding that he won't get from anyone else. MC's understanding of Suit Saeran... and Saeran's understanding of what it felt like to stare the sunk-cost in the face (Suit Saeran's Bad Ending where he breaks the player and tries to bring them back with the only thing he knows—torment—but MC's Humpty Dumpty and can't be put back together again because of what he did).

You: You must be so lonely. Saeran: My poor father... you've never met someone who understands you, right?

With that in mind, does any of this mean that Saejoong had that change of heart? As I said earlier, no, it doesn't. He isn't going to change overnight and he's not going to have a place in Saeran's freedom. But, Saeran's kindness... the kindness he extended to a horrible man who would never give him the same grace if the roles were reversed? It made a difference. Saejoong was mystified by his son because of his kindness.

Saeran and Saeyoung spent their lives on the run... always crawling under the dirt to hide from him. They've suffered in ways Saejoong had to taste for only two days before he decided to seek out his son. That's the thing, Saejoong experienced Saeran's understanding right before he ran off, no different than how his illegitimate twins had to run away from him every day of their lives—and as that kindness sat with him, he had to live with it.

He had to live with the fact that his son would live a better life than he could've ever dreamed of for himself because his son wasn't afraid to walk an honest road, no matter how many people would call him the fool for it. If a boy he considered a nuisance, a pest, a mere bug under his feet could do that—who's to say he couldn't have done that from the very beginning himself?

Don't get me wrong, this realization isn't Saejoong changing for the better or anything. He's self-aware enough to say that he isn't going to change for the better in the end because he's already done what he's done and there's no changing it. He lived a fraction of what he made his sons live and he came out of it knowing he'd rather sit in prison than have to live how he made them live.

That says more about how spineless he is than anything. He can't believe Saeran extended understanding and empathy to him after experiencing what Saeran and Saeyoung did for only two days... but in doing so, his kindness gave Saejoong Choi something he'd never get from anyone else. Because he certainly didn't hear kindness in the time he spent with Saeyoung. He's thinking to himself, "I made those boys feel like this for twenty years, and yet, that boy still said those kind words to me."

Hell, it's plausible that one of the reasons why Saejoong was so damn mystified was because Saeyoung gave him everything he expected... all the hatred, the ire, and the venom from a child forced to crawl in a den of mud and spikes to survive.

But—Saeran didn't.

Saeran broke his expectations and left that man reeling. Saejoong Choi scoffed at true honesty, kindness, and sincerity for years only to come face to face with it at the end of his rope with nothing to say for himself in his defense but a pitiful, spineless display of self-satisfying justification.

"Now that I've lost everything, I just can't stop thinking about that nonsense you said to me. Once they get me, I won't have to pant and hide. I couldn't find a way to live a beautiful life, but maybe you two… anyway, that's all I've got to say. Thank you for telling me all that. For saying that to someone like me…. Just so you know, people don't change. It's not easy for people to change. But, you two would do anything to change someone like me."

Saeran is someone Saejoong can't get a read on because he's never encountered someone so honest and genuine with his intent. He has nothing to say for himself because there is no excuse for what he did to Saeran and Saeyoung. He simply did it because he could and there was no pause or hesitation as to what his actions would do to them... because he only cared to satisfy his own desires. Why be kind if your world will stomp on you no matter what?

Why choose naivety if it won't serve your goals? Saejoong abandoned any hope of following an honest road when he decided kindness was a weakness, similar to how Rika scoffed at the player when you say to her in no uncertain terms that she is only one who thinks kindness is weak.

Saejoong says something similar when you confront him, too.

"Love? You think I have time to even feel love? At least weaklings would have had time to do that. Meeting someone like you, falling in love, and throwing your life away for love, like some soap opera... I had no time to do that. I must break the rules one by one to step higher, and then I must all my remaining energy to hide what I've done," he said.

"And the only thing that's left for me after that is feigned relations and cruelty... as well as wealth and honor. Love? For me? In this situation? Haha... impossible. It means nothing to me now. Which is why I must show no mercy. I'll use these Saeyoung and Saeran for my own good until they're dead... otherwise, I'll be dead."

Sunk-cost fallacy.

Out of the things they talked about that night before the morning came, I like to think that Saejoong was further surprised by what Saeran would say to him about Saeyoung. Because make no mistake here, I will tell you without a shadow of a doubt that our Saeran told Saejoong that if he wanted to do the right thing and put an end to the chase, he would turn himself into Saeyoung specifically.

Saeran knows his brother will never forgive this man. Forgiveness isn't what his brother needs. Saeyoung needs to reclaim his sense of power over Saejoong and put that damn man beneath him so he's never haunted at night by the idea of that man coming to kill him or his loved ones.

Saeran may not agree with violence, but he knows his brother even if they've been apart forever, and he knows Saeyoung needs to clock that man with a good right-hook to know his brother is safe, among saying his peace.

It's the fact that Saeran is capable of great kindness, but also an even greater understanding, because he can say what he wants but also communicate what his brother wants, even if it doesn't align with his personal choice. He's selfless, not selfish, in his desire to be kind to others... but that doesn't mean he's incapable of being selfish, either. When he broke down in tears in front of V and Rika, he was honest in saying what he wanted, and later, when you hear Saeran in your head on your quest to find him before it's too late—

You hear him say that he lied because he does want to live with you for the rest of your lives, and you know that in your heart. Just as he wants to be selfless and brave, he also yearns to be selfish and with you forever. That's what makes him human. That's what makes all of us human.

Saeran wants everyone to have whatever they need to find peace, no matter what it is.

The fact that Saejoong willingly accepted that request, or decided himself to face Saeyoung, is something that often mystifies me... even to this day. Saejoong understands two things, one for each of his sons. He knows that he'll never understand how Saeran became kind despite his hardship but Saeran tried to understand him in spite of Saejoong's cruelty, and that Saeyoung is similar to him, in that he will never rest nor be satisfied until he gets what he wants out of the people against him.

Offering Saeran a final talk to clear up anything else his son might want and Saeyoung the chance to beat his father down when he needs to know the monster can't hurt him anymore? We can talk forever about why he decided to do those things, argue if there's been a change of heart or if some magical deux ex machina made things better, but...

At the end of the day, I understand that Mystic Messenger tries to paint this ending as more hopeful, with the notion that people can take accountability for their actions, and the real world isn't always like that. Someone like Saejoong isn't likely to hold up to any mirrors and reflection on what he's become and/or what he's been forever to the people around him, but... I just can't deny it's having the situation handled with some realism that brings me peace.

Sure, it's escapist fantasy, there are certain aspects here that just don't align with what it might go in the real world, but... it doesn't change the fact that there are pieces to these conversations that hold value to people in real life who needs to hear and see outcomes like this.

Because, there's sweet satisfaction in my heart knowing Saeyoung is about to get the chance to beat this man within an inch of his life for whatever thirty-second pass Vanderwood gave him before they have to take him in for the police; and with the knowledge that Saeran got what he wanted out his final conversation with his father, and he isn't afraid of the man in a suit jacket anymore because that suit holds no power over him, because he chose his peace.

The boys both got what they needed. As a victim who identifies strongly with many of the characters in this game, seeing them get that gave me peace. That's what matters to me. Not a debate about what Saejoong Choi feels here or if he truly changed his mind about what's right or wrong. His victims finally have their freedom, and he can't hurt them anymore.

It's why at the very end of the RAE, my favorite option to the toast is "Love will prevail", because that's the moral of the story. Kindness is the strongest weapon you possess, and it's that kindness you share with every member of the RFA that helps them find peace in the end. Your kindness is what prevails, and how you reach the good ending to every route.