#Stay strong fat men there is so much love in the world and you WILL find it

[missredherring]

The Rain Still Falls

Pero Tovar x Fat F!Reader

Rating: T

Word Count: 1.1k

Contents: angst or pining, idk.

Summary: The rain still falls and his heart still beats.

A/N: This is for @janaispunk 1500 kisses challenge!! My prompt was Pero Tovar + kissing in the rain. This is the first time I've written for Pero, so I hope it's good.

I was talking to @perotovar about the movie and we both agreed that Pero was in love with William. So, this is a bit of a love-lorn man getting back in the saddle and so vague about his relationship with the reader.

Moodboard by @janaispunk and divider by @saradika-graphics.

Not beat read; all mistakes are mine.

There was a time when he believed it was inevitable that his death would be by William’s side. 

The sun is beating on his back, soaking into the dark armor and surely cooking him alive.

William’s fate separated from Pero’s when he returned with their escort to the Nameless Order and their great wall after reaching the edge of their domain.

Could Pero have joined them and stayed as a soldier instead of a prisoner? As much as William’s choice stung, he knew in his gut that he didn’t belong amongst the finely-tuned machine of the Order. Pero would only be the mud that caked up the gears and stopped them from turning.

The siren call of power had lead him across the world and he endured everything the road could throw at them. Surviving as fate winnowed down their group with an indifferent hand. 

Maybe it’s a blessing that when he finally found the black powder, the ultimate weapon spoken about in speculative whispers, it only took his purpose and not his life or limbs. 

Pero would say that it had taken William from him as well, if he didn’t know that bastard had been swayed by his heart and nothing else.

It’s quiet now. Instead of the cacophony of armor, weapons, horses, and men that made up their escort, there’s only the creaking tack of two. 

His thoughts keep turning back and so Pero straightens his shoulders and lets his horse have his head, leading him further away from temptation. 

The smooth gait of his horse had rocked him into a stupor, and it takes a shout to bring him out from it. With a scowl he finally turns to you.

He expects you to needle him with your sharp tongue. To berate him maybe, for ignoring his remaining companion thus far. Pero feels his blood pound in his ears, excitement quickening in his chest, at the return to normal. He knows he can stand his ground in a fight of words with you, unlike the Tao Tei.

Instead you watch him with tired eyes and gesture to the nearby stream. His scowl deepens. He should’ve noticed it.

“Apologies, amiga. My mind has been wandering.” 

“It will catch up.” You say and dismount with a grunt. The axe strapped to your back catches the sunlight and blinds him. He blinks as his vision clears and takes in their surroundings.

The desert has only just given way; easing its grip and letting some green vegetation break up all the various shades of orange that had turned the world monochrome. The sun is high in the sky now, and clouds have come in from the west to bring shade and seconds of relief from the heat.

The stream is small but strong and you kneel at the bank and start scooping handfuls of water up to your mouth. It’s at this moment his brain chooses to join them, and it makes sure he notices how lush your wide bottom is as it tips up into the air when you lean forward for more. He digs out the water skins from the packs and drops down to the ground beside you.

Pero forgoes his hand and dunks his head in the stream, trading air for water in greedy mouthfuls. The water that drips down his face and neck is a balm for his heated skin as he turns over on his back with a sigh. The discomfort of his swords doesn’t even prompt him to move in that moment. 

After being in constant movement, whether riding or in battle, for so long this stillness feels strange. He can still feel the echoes of it in his muscles, in the fresh bruises and aching wounds.

Through a cracked eye he watches as you reach back and remove what he knows from experience is a heavy axe with ease, your muscles flexing with the action, before you stretch out next to him with a sigh. They’ll need to work on their fighting dynamic to compensate for losing William’s arrows, but he doesn’t want to think about that yet.

“They kept the magnet, so we don’t have a compass to guide our way.”

“I think it no longer matters which way we are going, Pero. I’ll find my own way and the adventures will continue,” You hum thoughtfully. “Did they keep your heart as well?”

"I cannot feel it, but I know my heart is here,” he says and then tries for a bit of levity. “My body keeps moving, hm?"

You shake with the force of your laugh, but it is a strangled thing and he is unsure if it is mirth or something else he hears ringing in it.

“It is easy to keep going without a heart, Pero. I’m better off without one; it’s foolish, after all.”

He snorts his agreement and reaches over to nudge your shoulder to remind you he’s there. Just like when you'd knocked your pillory into his. Because you were there, too. When William had run off to do the right thing and Pero’s plan failed, you had held your tongue and stayed by his side. “But it is necessary, I think. Life would be awfully boring without some foolishness.”

Drops hit his face and Pero opens his eyes to see that the clouds have become dark and swollen overhead. The sound of raindrops hitting leaves faster and faster drive them to sit up, but there is no true cover available, so they stay where they are. 

Pero takes your hand in his, his fingers touching the familiar callouses as if to check they’re where they should be and searches your face. The dark sky is reflected in your eyes. 

“If you would grant me the pleasure, I’d like to continue on with you. Maybe these adventures of yours would be better with a companion?” 

He sees the answer in the corner of your lips as you smile and nod at him. The steady rhythm in his chest is reassuring as he brings your knuckles to his mouth, the rain that gathers there wetting his cracked lips as he kisses them.

The moment lingers until mischief sharpens the corners of your smile. “On second thought, that might not be a good idea. Trouble seems to find you with ease, Pero Tovar.”

He chuckles and bares his teeth to nip at the thin skin of your knuckles. You make a fake sound of hurt and gather up the water skins to refill them, calling to the horses over your shoulder. 

William will handle whatever fate waits for him on the wall. You will live your life on your own terms, as you always have. Pero will see where his decisions take him, for better or worse.

The horses knicker to each other. The birds sing as they fly overhead. The water continues to run downstream.

The rain still falls and his heart still beats. 

[erenspussy420]

Oh well like for crewel and Crowley (seperately )x Latina reader

Rivals to lovers

Soulmate au

Fluff plz

Sorry this took too long to finish but hopefully you like it!

1.8K words

Fem Reader

SFW (However my blog isn't so you have been warned.)

......

......

Soulmates, a rather direct term for something so vital in the lives of Twisted Wonderland. There is a reason for the plural, instead of the singular term. For one does not have one soulmate but rather two, so to speak, a rival or an enemy many say in your life. And the other as many would garner the true soulmate, the true love.

A touching sentiment, knowing somewhere out there is the other part of you waiting to reunite in the vast sea of life. Those who will understand the depth of who you are and you in turn peek into their heart of hearts. Even the most bitter of men and women, crave that companionship.

At least it would be should you actually know which side is which. The citizens of the world tried to figure it out, taking guesses but to the dismay of many it seems that it is not as direct at times. It made a rather interesting story about how one meets their true soulmate, and their hated sworn enemy.

In some cases, they were the same person!

Some lament at such the idea of having their arms confuse them, some don’t mind and seem to relish having an enemy, some finding the way to find true love a challenge, but all agree they rather have both names than none—-

Unlike these poor souls whose arms will stay bare.

.

.

Dire Crowley: 

‘It doesn’t bother him, not one bit!’ He proclaims, as he tugs over his sleeves. A big fat fucking lieeeee. Anyone can see or rather pityingly watch the rather pathetic display when it's the annual staff parties, and Crowley drinking himself into the bottle.

Woe is poor Dire! Arms care to the world, no name on either one. Not even a smidge! He always keeps his arms covered in long sleeves, as he could anyway. Summer’s are a challenge for him, he tends to overheat quite easily regardless of his ice magic. He looks longingly at those bright hideous Pleasure Island shirts.

When he’s alone, he rolls up his sleeves and looks at them forlorn. He is a fae raven, and for so many years it's been lonely. It's not uncommon that sometimes a fae and a human or beastman will be soulmates, usually they appear as they are born, but Crowley has yet to see any ink paint his smooth skin after a decade of waiting…and waiting….

He has been practicing making a nest, so leave the man alone when he steals your shit.

Until one day, the day he yearns for came true. It was during the opening ceremony, did he feel a hot sensation climb up his arm. It was so strong, he practically kneeled over, grabbing onto it as it glowed bright like copper, and once it died, it left a singular name in cursive letters. He couldn’t believe it! You were here! You were finally here! 

Crowley is laughing, crowing up a storm that the housewardens and newcomers felt wary and a bit scared as Crowley hugs his students, twirling them around. He would kiss their cheeks if it wasn’t for the fact that can be counted as harassment and most of these ruffians have claws.

Happy day! Happy day! He had noticed it's the same name for both sides. Oh dear, but it didn’t matter because as of this day, he wasn’t alone! ….Oh…Oh dear, there was quite the commotion, quite the ruckus! Nothing can damper his mood! Not even a cat setting everything on fire and a magicless human!

Then he catches your name, and oh dear….the headmaster had frozen stiff…until your gaze is now covered in feathers and a man sobbing into your arms crying "how beautiful you are!" And "thank the Sevens! I waited for so long! So long to bask in your gaze!”---while you’re yelling in spanish about the crazy bird man, smacking him with his own shoe.

Truly a beautiful sight you have finally arrived! So much so that Trein had to take over since Crowley hasn’t stopped trying to preen your hair and crying into hair.

Once he finally gets himself in control, does his actual duties as a headmaster and deal with the fact you are not of Twisted Wonderland and from another world completely. He’s totally working on a way home— just let him get to know you as he does.

He catches himself staring too long at you. He can’t help it, he’s waited for you for so long! Every curve, every angle of your face makes his breath hitch. You have a bold look to you, confident and with a loud laugh that adds more to your charm.

Oh when he pisses you off, he can tell the second the house is filled with the scent of roasted dried chilies. Cue Crowley wheezing.

He does try to learn the Spanish you speak, wanting to learn more about you and the culture you hail from. Its rather sweet, even if you were teaching him swear words at first.

You have a big sense of community, his soulmate is so generous! Which does make him pout as he watches you, mother hen some of his troublemakers by putting the fear of God into them. 

Though he does like how you bring him into a dance in the kitchens, teaching him the simple steps of dances that have him being twirled around in your arms.

Adding into the second role of being a soulmate, you have pushed Crowley into being more active with his students, something most of his staff has thanked you for. As you were working on your master’s before being run down by the horses in the middle of Los Angeles. 

Even working harder than before, Crowley is utterly in love with his soulmate.

Crewel Divus:

“Hm? I see your eyes seem to find my arms rather fascinating, little pup?” The corner’s of his lips quirk in amusement, but the sharpness of his gray blue eyes made his students squeak. It was one of those rare times, Divus had his sleeves rolled over his arms, letting his unruly pups finally take a gander at who their professor soul mate could be. Most, however, made bets if Crowley was his enemy.

But it was bare and pale, the gawking student had found their mouth shut by the aid of a familiar whip pushing up their chin. “Hm, since you seem so fond of being idle, I can keep you busy,” a loud thwap of his whip smacking his gloved hand,” Detention, cauldron duty.”

As a young youth he was rebellious and scrappy in all the ways that come with being a teenager. Always in fashion regardless of how he looks, however it is noted his arms are bare to the world and Divus doesn't care what the world thinks of his unfortunate status.

Frankly, Divus pushes on the importance of it, he hates what it brings on him with expecting eyes and unlike Crowley who hides it— Divus will make you see he doesn't care about what the world thinks. As far as he is concerned, Crewel is standing here with or without a soulmate to his name. With or without you, Divus Crewel is not to be pitied.

Though, it cannot be said he hasn’t beaten a loud mouth punk twice or thrice when entering NRC.

Growing up however, after getting through his angst and anger, Divus accepts it. Maybe he traces over where the name of the person who can push him to capabilities, caresses the bare arm that was supposed to be his soul companion ... .and it takes his dogs covering him to bring him out of that stupor. 

He’s obsessive in a way that isn’t easily noticeable, something that reflects in his own outfits, his black and white outfits having a missing half in cufflinks, buttons, or belts. There is a way he walks, still poise and confident that seems to make space for someone who is supposed to be there. One has made the mistake of taking the second glass he has set aside—purposefully or not.

The day you finally had come into his life with a bang, literally as he can describe the sudden burning sensation in his arms that evening, Crewel had finally set up his room. The burst of such power had him kneel over, gripping the sides of his vanity so harshly he broke a chunk of it in his bare hands. It was as if something was being carved into him, not his skin he didn’t notice that but his own soul has been molded.  In a hurry, he rips up his sleeve, his cufflinks flying to the corners of his room but that didn’t matter.

His soulmate is here.

Oh when he first meets you, he takes you in. All of you, from the shade of your hair, to the curve of your eyes, the features of what makes you–you. Each note, his mind is already building up the things he can create for you.

You are nothing he expected but that is what thrills him. 

What his eyes picked up was your clothes. Well made, and tailored, stylish with personal flares. A fellow fashionista!

The second he brings you to his workshop, he knows—he knows now that all those cliche romance novels he reads when he’s fully alone means it clicks. 

He loves the embroidery of your culture that is prevalent in every outfit you make. Bright colors of – pinks, greens, yellows and reds. Everything you make has this brightness to it, eye-catching and so utterly full of pride.

There is a way you speak that is also so different from the Spanish variant he is used to, its more playful, relaxed and a bit cocky.

He’s careful in making sure you settle in Twisted Wonderland, while trying so hard not to prod you for too many questions. Though he does admit, he lingers nearby when he hears you sing in Spanish, the grin you have as you sing something he knows is pretty dirty as it seems the Shaftlands share the latin roots as you call it with French in your world. So don’t think he doesn’t know when you're cursing under your breath!

But he does admire the arsenal of insults you seem to throw on the fly when angered. He saved a video of you perfectly tearing off your sandals to throw it at Crowley for ditching his duties on you both. Three seconds is impressive.

Your fashion taste and his tend to clash, but he loves the way you make your canvas come alive during fashion shows he got you to join in. But the second you and him collaborate on a fashion line together, he sees that drive in you that makes him want to chase.

[theprinceofliones]

List of MY OWN PERSONAL LGBTQ 4KOTA/NNT HEADCANONS PT1/?

(Again, for those who can't fucking read, this is MY OWN PERSONAL headcanons and NO ONE ELSE'S! You do not have to agree or like my own personal headcanons, but please respect them thank you besties 🤪)

(ALSO! I will say that there are some flags that I made sure to look up and research to make sure everything is accurate! But, if something on here is NOT accurate nor used correctly, I'd love it if you guys could let me know and keep me educated! Thank you!)

Tristan

My boy is transfeminine and a PROUD bi-mlm (bi w/pref for men) icon 🥰 While he was born with male pronouns, he's very feminine leaning but doesn't really mind any pronouns used for him, so he's a little agender as well. He's found that he is attracted to both genders but most definitely prefers men (COUGHS LANCELOT COUGHS).

2. Lancelot

GAAAAAY!!!!! This is a one hundred and twelve thousand percent GAAAAAAAY man right here. But, in saying that, he's is ALSO aromantic as he has an extremely hard time forming a romantic bond with another person whatsoever. Sure, he'll go out and have fun with other guys from time to time, but he's never felt any romantic feelings for another, everything is just purely sexual whenever he has these 'encounters' (...enter one Tristan Liones. and Lancelot's whole world is flipped upside down).

3. Percival

AAAAA Percy my beloved 🥰 my boy is proudly Pansexual! He'll find himself being attracted to anyone no matter how they identify! All that matters to him is what's in your heart. But, he's also demisexual as he very rarely forms sexual attraction to those around him. He DOES have a big fat ginormous crush on Naisens though! Although he doesn't really realize it lol.

4. Gawain

GAWAIN MY BUTCH LESBIAN ICON!!! She's VERY much into women and women ONLY! She's never had an attraction to men, in fact she thinks that the whole world would be better if there were only women (oml same queen). She's not a very feminine leaning lesbian which is why I assigned her the butch lesbian flag! She prefers to present more masculine-like as she wants to be seen as strong and dominant, but does not identify nor use male pronouns.

5. Naisens

That kid is non-binary all the WAAAAY and Nakaba PLEASE you have the chance to do the funniest thing ever and make it canon with Naisens PLEEEEAAAAAASE. Post-time skip Naisens uses they/them pronouns and dresses more neutral to not assume either or any gender. They're also pansexual! Any gender, any sexuality works with them as long as your name is Percival LMFAO

Part 2 will come soon! I want to try and do as many characters as I can! Stay tuned and I'd love to hear your guys' OWN headcanons as well!

[mikasas-biggestwhore]

Attack on Titan characters and their butts: Part 2 ‼️‼️‼️

Once again like before this was just a random conversation with my friend and I just thought the world needed to know our thoughts! Side note: Merry Christmas guys <3

Characters: Levi, Erwin, Reiner, Annie and Bertholdt

This is probably the last part so y’all better enjoy 💜

Levi Ackerman

— Levi most definitely has a fatty from all that working out the scouts do. The thing is that his ass is very firm and there is no plush to it at all

— Like if you grabbed a handful it’s not leaking through you fingers. Your basically grabbing stiffened jello. (These descriptions keep getting weirder 😭)

— Sadly Levi does not have any jiggle. His booty is too firm for it to really have any movement at all.

— HOWEVER IF YOU SMACKED THAT SHIT??? GAHDAMN. THAT SHIT WOULD GIVE HELLA RECOIL

— See this all sounds good and dandy but there is a downside. While Levi has a very smackable ass his booty is shaped like a square :(

— So many men stay having square shaped booties and he’s a victim to this. Tsk tsk tsk

— He does know how to throw it back. He’s literally a Ackerman, of course he does. The only issue is you will never catch Levi shaking his ass sorry to disappoint you

— Ngl Levi is probably aware he has a fatty but it’s more of a inconvenience for him then anything. Like he’s got extra weight from the back of his body to worry about now.

— Side note: If you do try to slap his ass your gonna get your ass beat 🤕

Erwin Smith

— ERWIN TAKES NUMBER 1 FOR THE FATTEST BOOTY IN THE SERVEY CORPS ‼️

— Hear me out guys. Erwin’s butt is just hella fat, it’s plump, nice and rounded, AND DAMN DOES IT BOUNCE

— His ass gives a jiggle with every step he takes it’s actually insane. Like it’s practically a bouncy ball

— DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE RECOIL IF YOU SMACKED IT.

— There would be ripples like water and I mean ripples.

— Everyone is very aware that Erwin has a fatty except for Erwin himself. He’s not completely clueless but he just doesn’t think much about it yk

— “My butt is a lot bigger then everyone else. That’s odd” and then bro will move on with his day. Like it’s only a split thought he has had

— If you ever grabbed Erwin’s ass the fat would literally be leaking through your fingers. Good god

— I’m sorry y’all but even with all this ass Erwin definitely does not know how to shake it. I’m not even sure if he knows what throwing it back is-

— So this man is just walking around with a weapon basically. Erwin’s ass could take lives

— PUT YOUR HEARTS UP FOR DA ASS 🫡

Reiner Braun

— He’s not completely caked up like Erwin but he’s not flat. His ass is most definitely fat but in its own way

— Like Reiner has a very sculpted ass and it’s beautiful (making me tear up just thinking about it). It’s muscular and strong and big

— If you laid on it, it wouldn’t be pillow worthy but it would be a nice and a solid base for you to lay your head down on and have a good nap

— Like his ass is not soft at all but if you grabbed that shit. You would get the absolutely perfect hand full of his ass.

— It would absolutely amazing to squeeze BUT SLAPPING IT??? OH MY GOD.

— Because Reiner’s butt is so firm there isn’t any recoil but the sound it makes is absolutely delicious. Plus the feeling against your hand would have you die and rise to heaven

— Reiner has a very smackable ass. He’s the type of person where if he walks by your like “Damn I just wanna touch it”

— I would argue that Reiner has the best ass to smack out of the whole survey corps. LORD I WOULD LOVE TO SMACK HIS ASS

— Anyways Reiner doesn’t know how to throw it back but he makes up for it by putting himself in the most compromising positions and if there’s anyone near they go absolutely crazy.

— Reiner bent over to tie his shoe? WHAM! Reiner laying on his stomach some where? WHAM! Shit Reiner could just be standing minding his own business. WHAM!

— 10/10 would 100% recommend smacking Reiner’s ass

Annie Leonhart

— Annie does in fact have a fatty and it’s literally drop dead gorgeous. Like damn

— Her booty is nicely sculpted, it’s round, it’s hella fat, and it’s plush like a pillow. You could have yourself a nap on that thing

— Plus it jiggles. It jiggles.

— Shit be having recoil with every step she takes. She could kill a man with that bounce.

— The thing is her booty is small. Like it literally has all the qualities of a perfect booty it’s just not big enough to enjoy fully. So one person at a time (this is to the Annie fans)

—‼️‼️ITS ALL OKAY THOUGH BECAUSE WE APPRECIATE ALL BOOTY SIZES HERE ‼️‼️

— Truthfully Annie doesn’t know how to throw it back and she probably doesn’t fully know what it means

— However she won’t let anyone know that. She makes everyone believe she knows exactly what they are talking about

— Annie has such a remarkably smackable ass but sadly she’ll genuinely kill you and hide the body if anyone even laid a hand on her, especially her booty

—THIS IS A WARNING: Do not smack her ass if your wish to see another day and want the cops to be able to find your body.

— GUYS DONT TAKE MY WARNING LIGHTLY. IM OUT HERE TRYNA SAVE LIVES ✊���

Bertholdt Hoover

— Bertholdt is like on the very edge of fatty ground. Like brotha barely made it but he’s in there.

— He’s real close to nothing but bones but there is in fact fat there

— Like if you gave that thing a smack your hand is still gonna sting but the blow is slightly cushioned

— HOWEVER Bertholdt has a very odd shaped butt. It’s not rounded or inverted it’s just very square

— like I said before men already have usually square butts but his is on a whole nother level of being shaped like a square and it’s just boxy in general

— blud could put a cardboard box on his butt and it would just fit perfectly 💀

— Another thing is we all know Bertholdt is anxious most of the time and a habit he’s gained is clenching his buttcheeks from nerves-

— It’s not his fault. He just unconsciously does it and he’s done it so much it’s become an instinct at this point.

— He can’t help it guys :(

—Bertholdt most definitely does not even know what throwing it back is and doesn’t wanna find out

— He’s fine with living his life without ever trying to throw it back. If he did know he would probably be too shy to do it in front of people anyways

This is probably the last one of the butt posts I’m going to do because me and my friend didn’t really talk about any other characters

However if you wanna see what we believe a certain character from AOT’s butt looks like just put it in my requests

I’ll try my best to get to them all 🫡

Link to part 1

[bigmpregnm]

Attraction - Part 5

[Story Collection] | [Part 4] [●]

Now that Roger has gotten famous, more men are coming to meet him and offer him their financial and general help. Even though almost every adult in the world is getting ready to give birth really soon, every day more men are coming to help the most pregnant guy on Earth. Obviously they’re all also encouraged by the fact that as soon as they get close to Roger, the pheromones make them fill up Roger’s body with a few more kids. “Fuck. This is so good. No matter how many times I do this, You just keep getting better”. Mike, a young construction worker, says after he has pumped Roger up full with several huge loads of cum. Mike looks like a young buff Superman and is just in his late 20’s. He’s been coming really often lately so Roger, Gerard and Paul are getting used to having him around. He’s pretty pregnant too but his belly is not even close to Gerard’s or Paul’s size. “Thanks buddy. I really appreciate that and considering how much cum you pumped into me, I think we’ll be having lots of kids”. Roger responds and Mike smiles, with his 20 inches long dick still buried in Roger’s hole. “And I totally plan on putting many more kids in you but… one step at a time I guess”. Mike says and gives Roger’s belly some soft rubs.

While Roger meets more men who are willing to pay for everything he needs, he keeps getting bigger and soon his pecs alone look like he’s carrying a hundred kids in each one of them. Considering most of those kids are not even 2 months along, the unbelievable size is even more impressive. His belly is so big “it’s getting its own atmosphere” as Paul says. Then, Roger’s balls are as big as his pecs so when people meet him, they can only see a large group of hills that seem to be expanding right in front of their eyes. Now that he’s so incredibly pregnant, Roger has been gaining more muscle mass but also more fat so even without the belly, pecs and balls, his body is pretty big everywhere.

Even then, Roger’s ass is ballooning up faster than the rest of him so even though he’s a thick strong man, his ass is outstandingly huge. Roger’s ass is Paul’s favorite part so he spends a lot of time lying next to Roger, rubbing and squeezing his boyfriend’s ample butt. Meanwhile, Gerard has fallen in love with Roger’s massive milky pecs and he spends a lot of time rubbing big circles around his nipples and even sucking on them every once in a while. As the three of them get bigger, they get more attached to each other and get ready to welcome their babies in a few weeks.

The reports of women all over the world getting in labor are everywhere in the news since it’s been about 9 months since the cloud has come. The “Female’s Due Date” has arrived and millions of women give birth to millions of kids. Some women have avoided getting that much more pregnant after the initial sex frenzy episode so some of them are left with pretty small bellies but most women around the world are still carrying double digit numbers of babies even after giving birth to their first batches. With millions of women getting in labor, hospitals are running over their capacity but even then, reports say it’s been manageable even though the female doctors and nurses are experiencing labor pains along with their patients and the male doctors and nurses are almost way too pregnant to help anyone.

There’s people filled with joy everywhere but weeks pass and males don’t get in labor on “Male’s Due Date, a month after the “Female’s Due Date. So the scientific world concludes that the gestational period for men must be longer than females so, those who have been waiting to give birth soon, are only getting fuller instead. When Roger hears this news, he only smiles and rubs his huge belly where his many kids are kicking everywhere. “Well, I guess you’re staying in there for a while so… more time for me and your dads to have some privacy and some fun before you all come out”. Roger says to himself and receives several kicks in response.

The weeks pass and all the men are still pregnant. Most women have gone through several labors already and even then, men are getting just bigger every day. Even Dale Roberts, who’s still reporting on the effects of the cloud even after all these months, 3 weeks after the “Male’s Due Date”, appears on TV with a belly so big that he finally has to sit down to report without getting breathless. This report is kinda different though. It’s not about a massively pregnant man or a woman giving birth to 10 babies in one day, which is pretty normal by now. This one is about crops. Dale is sitting in what seems to be a rice field but he looks pretty small compared to the rice plants and that’s impressive considering Dale is a pretty beefy man.

The reporter explains that all over the world the crops have been growing in unprecedented ways and a rice plant seed pod is now as large as a regular adult man. This is helping to fulfill the demand for food since the world’s population has been growing in size and volume. “It’s not only rice but also vegetables, fruits and everything that grows on a field. Now it’s possible, and actually pretty common, to find a huge apple tree with thousands of apples instead of hundreds. A whole field of tomatoes with hundreds of thousands of tomatoes”. Dale explains while they show some pictures of different kinds of plants with ridiculous numbers of fruit and vegetables growing on them.

The world’s dynamics are changing again while women continue giving birth and they have to take care of their kids. Even though women continue getting in labor, the initial shock goes down after their initial round. A few weeks after the Female’s Due Date, it’s normal again to find a woman giving birth at a hospital. Now, for men things are getting wilder since while all of them get bigger, they get hornier and even without pheromones or external influences, men all over the world start joining large orgies where they get even more pregnant. Some of them say they’re trying to trigger their labors but this only results in them getting just more pregnant and their tension just increases.

Finding a man who’s not ridiculously pregnant is getting harder, almost impossible, and people know that if this continues, soon there’ll be a major number of the male population getting bed ridden by their huge pregnant bellies. For Roger this is not a thing since he’s been immobile for a long time but even then, his belly is getting so extremely tight and full that he’s almost begging to give birth to the oldest kids so he can get some relief. Nobody knows how long it will take for men to get in labor and some are even worried that men won’t be able to give birth at all but finally when he’s getting close to ten months along, Roger starts feeling cramps taking over his stomach and soon he understands these are contractions.

Exactly 2 months after the first woman has gone into labor, men all over the world start going into labor and even though the babies are bigger than the ones born from women, the male body seems to be able to accommodate the kids and push them out without any problem and faster than women. While reports continue, Roger looks at his phone while dealing with contractions and he hears Paul, Gerard and their many helpers groaning and screaming in pain while their own labor advances. “Just breathe babe, you’re doing fine”. Gerard says and rubs Roger’s belly while Paul is right behind Roger already waiting for the first baby to come out. “Please, take care of yourself. I’m fine. You’re clearly in pain too”. Roger responds and right after that they hear the sound of a baby crying coming from the living room. “It’s a boy and… ohhh fuck here comes the next one”. Their chef shouts out and he starts screaming again. The whole floor is filled with babies crying while all the men continue giving birth to their large broods.

All the while, Roger is feeling how the babies turn around in his belly and move like never before, probably the oldest ones getting in position to come out. His belly is shaking violently while he has really strong contractions and his boyfriends continue groaning. “Oh fuck… Here comes the first”. Paul cries out announcing his first baby is already coming out and at the same time Roger feels the first baby entering his birth canal. “Just push. You’re gonna be fine”. Gerard, who has moved to be right next to Paul, says. “Fuck it hurts so much”. Paul cries out while he’s on his back pushing. Gerard is right next to him while his first baby is already crowning but the older man seems to be handling the pain easier than Paul.

Roger, whose hole is pretty stretchy by now, is pushing as best as he can and he feels his first baby crowning while the next one is already in line. “Guys… the first one is coming out so fast. Catch him”. Roger groans out while he continues pushing and the baby’s shoulders start turning and sliding out faster than Roger can handle. It all hurts a lot but his overpacked body seems to be in a rush to let all the kids out. Roger pushes some more and he finally feels the baby sliding out of him but the next one is already getting closer to the hole’s entrance. “Got him. A perfect baby boy”. Gerard says but right after that he starts groaning really loud. Gerard’s own first baby is born right after Roger’s but he’s able to take a little break to clean both babies and then help Paul with his big baby when it’s completely out of him too. “We have three kids so far”. Gerard says. “But the next one is already coming out”. Roger shouts out when his second baby starts crowning.

A few hours later, Roger is exhausted after pushing 25 kids out of him and his belly hasn’t shrunk at all. Even then, Roger looks at his babies and he can’t stop smiling. They’re all so cute and some of them remind him of his former coworkers. The oldest are like a copy of his hunky coworker. Roger has to breastfeed all the kids and even though he has more than enough milk, feeding them two at a time takes him a lot of time. Gerard and Paul help him but with so many kids to handle, it’s still kinda complicated. Gerard has given birth to sextuplets, 5 of them looking a lot like Paul. The huge muscle man has given birth to 4 babies and two of them look like Gerard. Each one of them is so extremely happy that they can barely contain their excitement but their still huge bellies are a reminder that their family is only getting bigger and they know more births are coming. “We’ll need a new place to house all these kids”. Roger says while he breastfeeds some of his babies. Gerard and Paul are doing the same while they hear Dale Roberts report about all the men giving birth. “We’ll find a way. Don’t worry”. Gerard responds and the three of them smile.

Over the next few days the three lovers and their many helpers get used to the new babies and even though they know there are many more kids on the way, they try their best with what they have at the moment before getting worried about the next ones. Everybody thinks all the men are going into labor again really soon but as the days pass and no contractions are coming, they finally realize they’ll have to wait.  So, they focus on taking care of their many kids. All along, Roger can’t stop getting bigger because all the babies he’s already having are growing and the regular rounds of sex he has with his boyfriends and their helpers just add babies to his already large brood. Everyday, the line of men who are willing to help and fuck Roger is getting bigger and considering they all know the hugely pregnant man isn’t getting any smaller any time soon, if ever, they start giving ideas to take him to a bigger place where Roger’s belly can grow freely and also have enough space for all the kids. Roger’s first batch of kids has been large but they all know the next ones are gonna be even bigger. Since there are so many men involved, they come up with a plan and even though they don’t inform Roger about it, they all know he’ll love it.

About a week after all the men have given birth to their first batch of kids, Roger is breastfeeding two of his babies, the last two of the huge group of kids he feeds. Then, Gerard gets closer to him and rubs Roger’s massive ass before managing to kiss his lips. Gerard has some kind of harness in his hands and Roger doesn’t know what they are for. “Hey there handsome? What do you have in there?” Roger asks and at the same time he feels several hands touching his belly. Their touches make his whole body shiver. “We have a surprise for you. We know you’re already getting kinda cramped in here so… we all got a place for us to move. A place where your belly won’t get stuck between the floor and the ceiling”. Gerard explains and points up at Roger's belly firmly pressed against the ceiling.

“That sounds lovely but… how are you gonna take me there? I’m not sure if you noticed but I’m pretty immobile”. Roger says and pats his belly. “We’ll take care of that. We have the strongest man on Earth right here with us and our new… friend… Mike helped us get everything we needed. He’s the best”. Gerard says and starts getting the harness around Roger’s upper body and waist. Meanwhile, Paul takes the babies away from Roger’s pecs and the sounds of heavyweight machinery starts coming closer.

While Gerard finishes up with the harness, Paul and Mike bring some kind of sled that’s big enough for Roger. Meanwhile, some construction workers are kicking down the external wall to take Roger out of the apartment. Outside, there’s a tower crane already in position to pull Roger out of the apartment and lower him down to a wide load truck that will take him to their new home. There’s a whole team working together and each man is excited to help Roger get more space to grow. Obviously they wanna be part of that growth too.

So, Gerard gets Roger ready and with all the men helping, and considering Paul’s massive muscles, they manage to move Roger onto the sled. Gerard secures Roger to the sled using the harness and once it is ready, Mike ties the sled to the tower crane’s cables. The crane slowly pulls Roger out of the apartment and he enjoys the sun after many months of being trapped in the apartment. While the crane lowers him down, he sees several men surrounding the truck where he’s supposed to land. When Roger sees their faces, he realizes they’re being affected by his pheromones and most of them already have hard-ons showing through their pants. Roger smiles and prepares to get fucked by all those men. He can already feel his hole squirming in preparation to add many more babies to his already overpacked womb.

A few hours later, Roger is peacefully lying down on a new and bigger bed, in a new and bigger house, with his belly clearly bigger than when he left the apartment. He has lost count of how many men fucked him on his way to the new house but his belly feels a few feet taller and definitely extending farther in front of him. His pecs feel gigantic and his balls feel like they have grown more than ever before. Everybody is settling things down in the new house while Roger rubs his belly and looks at Dale Robert’s latest report on his phone. “Dear viewers, this time I’m in Mexico City and this story is a pretty special one. Remember our friend Roger? We visited him a few months ago and he told us about his body releasing pheromones that affected all the males around him. The pheromones caused all the men to get hypnotized until they had had sexual intercourse with Roger. Well, this case is the complete opposite to that one. Let me explain…” Dale Roberts tells the viewers about Jorge, a man whose body releases pheromones, just like Roger but instead of them affecting the males until they have fucked him, the men feel hypnotized until Jorge has fucked them. This has resulted in several of Jorge’s neighbors and friends, carrying hundreds of his kids.

Dale shows many pics and videos of many men that are waddling around with huge bellies, all of them filled with Jorge’s babies. Jorge is really pregnant too since most of his sexual encounters end up with him being fucked but he’s really small compared with the men that are around him. There are several of them that are pretty immobile or pretty close to being immobile. Just like Roger, Jorge has a crowd of men helping him with everything he needs and also taking care of those who can’t move at all. They have formed a small town where all the men are carrying Jorge’s kids, along with each other’s kids, and Jorge keeps getting them more and more pregnant every day. While Roger listens to this and he admires all the massively pregnant men serving Jorge, Paul gets closer to him and pays attention to Dale’s report..

“Look at him, he’s clearly carrying that man’s kids now”. Paul says, pointing at Dale Roberts, as he gets behind Roger and starts rubbing the sides of his belly. He’s feeling the effects of Roger’s pheromones kicking in so he just gets closer. “And you clearly want to carry my kids… I surely wanna carry more of your kids”. Roger says but Paul is already fitting his massive dick into Roger’s hole. Paul is completely hypnotized by the pheromones so while Roger moans and groans in ecstasy, Paul just fucks him harder than ever before. Paul’s huge muscles give him the strength to thrust into Roger with such force that Roger’s fat ass jiggles a lot. A few minutes later when Paul has already filled Roger with another batch of kids, Paul takes his dick out of Roger’s hole and starts getting under Roger’s belly, looking for his boyfriend’s massive dick. Paul is still a bit affected by the pheromones so he just manages to fit Roger’s dick in his hole and starts moving as best as he can on Roger’s dick.

All the while, Roger moans and starts bucking his hips as much as he can. While he’s fucking Paul, Roger feels his massive balls filling up with cum and even though that’s not that normal, he just wants to pump Paul up full with a huge load of cum. Roger feels his body tensing while the orgasm approaches and Paul’s moans start getting louder. Paul’s dick is leaking pre like a hose and his own balls seem to be getting ready to cum. As Roger fucks Paul, Gerard comes closer and when he sees Paul’s massive dick fully hard and leaking so much pre, he manages to line up his hole with Paul’s massive dick and push himself onto it.

Paul cries out in pleasure while his massive boyfriend is fucking him and his other boyfriend is taking his massive dick. Paul’s body starts heating up and he’s panting heavily while the sex session continues. A few minutes later, Paul can’t hold back anymore and starts cumming buckets into Gerard’s fertile womb. “Oohhh yess… Fill me up big boy. Put more kids into me”. Gerard says while he feels his belly ballooning up with Paul’s massive load. All along Roger keeps fucking Paul and his balls feel gigantically ready to burst.

Paul’s on cloud nine but then, he hears Roger’s breathing shortening while the flow of pre that’s flowing into him is getting stronger. With a loud groan, Roger starts shooting the biggest load he has ever shot, right into Paul’s already massive belly. Paul cries out in pleasure while his belly starts expanding faster than he has ever seen and the expansion doesn’t seem to be stopping or slowing down anytime soon. Since Paul’s belly is growing so much, Gerard finally detaches from Paul’s massive dick and marvels at how quickly the big man’s belly is growing. Gerard gets his hands on Paul’s belly and starts rubbing it while a torrent of Roger’s cum keeps coming in nonstop.

Roger keeps groaning while he keeps cumming and Paul can only moan in ecstasy. It’s clear he’s not even registering what’s happening to his body because he’s too high on pleasure. Roger isn’t able to see what he’s doing to Paul since his own belly and pecs block his view but he can feel Paul’s belly pressing tighter against his own, without realizing how much bigger Paul’s belly is actually getting. Only Gerard is aware of the situation and this is turning him on so much that he can barely avoid busting a nut even without touching his dick. Paul’s belly is bigger than the rest of him and even then Roger’s cum keeps coming in. “That’s my big boy. Now you’re really really really big”. Gerard says and rubs Paul’s belly while it pushes against Roger’s much bigger one.

About an hour later, Paul is still dazed but aware of what has just happened. His belly has grown a lot and he’s still getting used to it but Gerard is lovingly caressing the huge guy’s belly and it feels nice. As soon as Roger has finally stopped cumming and has taken his dick out of Paul’s hole, it’s been clear that Paul can no longer move by himself. Even though he’s definitely the biggest and most muscular man alive, all his muscles aren’t enough to move his belly, he’s as immobile as Roger is. Even then, Paul seems to be happy about his immobility and Gerard loves to have 2 hugely pregnant boyfriends now. With Mike’s and some other men’s help, Gerard has managed to drag Paul to place him right next to Roger so Gerard has access to both of them at a time. Gerard smiles and caresses his boyfriends’ bodies lovingly and can’t stop smiling.

While Gerard is cuddling with his massive boyfriends, he sees Mike getting closer and it’s obvious the young man is clearly in love with them as well. “Come here. I think we’ll need more hands to take care of these guys and we’ve been talking about you. The three of us find you really hot and really sweet and I think we’re ready to give you a space in our bed and in our hearts”. Gerard explains while Mike gets comfortable between the massively pregnant guys too. “Yeah, you’re such an amazing guy and… we just want you to be with us”. Paul adds and grabs Mike’s hand. “Yeah, you have already become part of our lives and we really want you here, with us”. Roger adds and invites Mike to get closer to his face to kiss his lips.

Mike is clearly emotional and some tears go down his face. He kisses Roger and then cuddles with the three of them peacefully. “This is all I ever wanted. More than the attraction caused by the pheromones and the good sex, I really wanted to be loved”. Mike says and enjoys the heat coming from his new boyfriends. The rest of the evening isn’t filled with sex, just four guys hugging and feeling each other’s babies moving in their bellies. They all know they’ll have lots of things to take care of, especially once the next babies come but now they’re just going to enjoy each other’s arms.

The End

[mrmoonytoonie]

Backstory of Ben

Because I probably won't post him for a long time, I'll honestly be surprised if anyone actually reads this.

Alright so Ben is a part of the original ink demon, he is the 1st from the 3 splits. When Ben formed into this world he didn't know anything, his name, who he was, where he even is, nothing. He was in a flooded, empty and dark studio that lay still and dead. For 3 days he laid there afraid before making himself slowly stand up, his legs wobbly but making his way to the exit and out into the world. At night he made his way around town, people walking by looking confused but never saying a word until he stumbled his way into a private bar. In the bar was a group of immature mobsters goofing around while drunk, once they saw Ben they came up to him and started messing with him and was having a kick out of when Ben would mimic movements. By the end of it one of them jokingly asked Ben if he wanted to join them, Ben saw one of the members from the group nodding their head in the back and mimicked that movement. The next thing he knows is that he is getting dragged to a big white and clean mansion, there he met the Italian Mob Boss Don Bianco, a fat yet strong and dangerous man with a face that holds disdain for the world. Don was furious that the low class mobsters brought a nasty monster into his domain, he was thinking of having either Ben killed or put into monster fights for entertainment until a demon named Kama was able to convince Don on letting Ben stay and that he could be strong and useful.

From that moment on Ben has gone through hell worth of training, abuse, and humiliation. Since Don mostly speaks Italian that was the first language Ben knew until Kama taught him English, Kama also helped the ink demon express feelings and understand emotions. Unknown to Ben the more he killed the more a mysterious red color started forming in his eyes, it scared him ... Everything scared him. He was full of misery and self hate, he would cry to himself all night for the deeds he has done, the lives he took, the memories he has erased, the families that he has broken. He did it all just for Don, who he thought was his Father, for he didn't know better.

Years go by and Ben gets older, taking more responsibilities for the "Family" and becoming the best out of them all. One day one of Ben's tasks was to watch over a bar, there he saw a pianist playing on the piano and grew really fond of the piano. One day no one was playing so Ben came over the piano and started playing with it unknown to him that the piano player was behind him. The nice piano player saw that Ben really liked playing it even though he didn't know what he was doing and decided to teach him, Ben being a very fast learner was great at it in no time. Ben loved it so much that he went to Don and asked if he could leave the mob and fulfill his dream, Don was however angry when Ben asked, but he put on a smile. He celebrated with Ben with alcohol and cigars against Ben's will, something he is sadly used too. Kama tried to warn Ben that something wasn't right but Ben sadly didn't listen.

The next day Ben plays at a bar, doing pretty well for first starting out but he had the time of his life and for the first time he was happy. Sadly that was short lived for he was ganged up on and attacked but was able to knock them down and get them to spill on who sent him, to his shock and horror it was Don himself. All that pain, and all that anger came flooding to him at once. He let out a roar, killing the men who tried to kill him before rushing to Don's mansion, he brutally slaughtered any and everyone who got in his way. His new red irises glared into his foes. Soon he went into Don's office, tears of ink rolling down his bloody face as he cries out and begs his Father what he did wrong. Don only laughed before laying out his feelings to Ben.

"You are nothing but a filthy MONSTER you ain't worth a day and are replaceable. You dare think you can leave after everything I have done for you?! You are more of a damn dog than you are a real person."

And those were Don's final words, weeks later found brutally murdered in a lake, barely reconcilable. Ben took over the mob and his view on the world was completely soured and made him heartless, cruel, and miserable. He was a very inhuman, cold-blooded ruler for the longest time, the blood of the innocence and the damned forever soaked in his ink, his red irises burning brighter with hate.

Ta-da, Ben's backstory. Thank you to whoever read this, goodbye.

[sarifinasnightmare]

VENARARE

I wrote this incredibly pissed off, so if you don't like this too much, whatever.

Rated: Mature

Summary: The Winter Soldier is a terrifying gladiator who doesn't care about the world, much less love anyone. Well we'll see about that.

The Winter Soldier was the greatest, most terrifying gladiator in the area. They say he got his name from his time as a soldier up in the north among the hairy barbarians and in the freezing cold had lost his mind and slaughtered an entire village single-handedly. When he came back to the city he still craved violence and bloodshed so he became a gladiator in order to slack his dangerous lusts.

When he appeared on the line-up people knew they were in for a show. He decimated his fellow gladiators, leaving them out cold or even dead out on the sand if the crowd didn’t protest quickly enough to spare them. If criminals needed to be offed, he’d do it cleanly, sending the head sailing before the fool even knew he was dead. The number of animals he’d killed rivaled the legendary Cop Offerus. He had even made a cloak of white wolf pelt that he’d skinned off the beast that had nearly gotten him.

In his mail skirt, greaves, the Winter Soldier wore a silver manica down his left arm that glittered ominously in the sunlight. What made him stand out from all the other strong, powerfully built Murmillo was his refusal to wear a helmet. His long hair curled around his ear, and he covered the lower half of his face. Why? Some said it was to emphasize the icy blue of his eyes, but he never explained himself to anyone. He cared about nothing and no one. He ate, slept, pissed, fought and fucked with the same expression on his face.

Since he was no slave, but a citizen and a former soldier, the ludus he called home had been obliged to pay him some share of his winnings. The lanista had at first scoffed at paying him anything, but with every successive win and his growing popularity he gladly paid him so he’d stay and not go off with another owner. That did not mean he could shirk his duties. During the observations, people would crowd, scared and intrigued as he paced around the cage like a beast looking for his next prey. Children were terrified of him, men were fascinated and the woman…it depended.

People wanted a piece of him, his sweat was highly prized, he’d been at many homes of wealthy patrons who wanted private demonstrations of his prowess, whether that was sword or cock it didn’t matter to him. Many thought that they could tame him, bring him to heel with their powers or their beauty, but he’d seen it all, done it all. They were all a bore and he plowed through them until they were little more than gasping whimpering lumps of flesh on their perfumed couches. The wives of ancient senators were his personal favorite bit of sport. There was a pleasure in knowing that while the arrogant assholes were congratulating themselves on being so superior in their lecture halls, he was in their houses fucking their wives stupid, spilling his seed into their cunts and filling them with his bastards. He knew of at least three so far. One of the women even went and brought the infant to him. Fat little thing, he wished the child well, knowing that the cuckolded husband had long desired an heir and now he had it, so he needn’t worry about it’s future. She thought she could gain his affection this way, but he wasn’t moved. Those women, those men meant nothing to him. They were the ones who craved him; he didn’t want them at all. They could all disappear, and he’d be fine. One day he’d put his sword down, collect his winnings and leave. Where? No one’s damned business.

On a hot day during a funerary tournament, amongst the sea of white, red and purple togas was the delicate splash of pink that caught his eye. The Winter Soldier had just been stopped from killing his opponent and had been basking in the light breeze that came through only to have a pink linen wrap around his ankle. He picked it up and could smell the faintly spiced fragrance. Looking around he saw a woman also in pink going to the edge of the arena in the hopes of catching her kerchief but then tugged down by her companion. She wore her veil over her braided head, but her face was unmistakable. For one she was Afri, but not a slave, a free woman, a maiden. In fact, she was amongst a small group of them. Merchant class if their clothes were any indication. Her skin was an unbroken, unblemished mahogany with a glossy shine to her cheekbones that made her look almost goddess like. Even from this distance, he could see how plump her lips were as well as the slight glimpse of snow white teeth. Fire suddenly bloomed from his loins at the sight of her.

She stared at him, noticing her linen in his hands, her fingers twitching as if aching to get it back. He stared back, wanting her to see as he brought the soft cloth to his nose to inhale her fragrance and upon finding it pleasing, he slipped it down to tuck under his skirt for safekeeping.

The maiden looked away, blushing furiously and the Winter Soldier’s lips curled slightly.

___________________---

Afterward he waited for her to appear, to ask for her linen back. Much to his disappointment, it was her companion who appeared; a blonde skinny thing, who came in with a slave and an escort. She requested the return of her friend’s linen. He refused.

“She values her chastity, and she can’t be seen in the company of…you.” She explained even as her eyes slid over him in a familiar path. “I however have no such problems seeing you…or you seeing me.”

Boring. He could make this slip of a maiden come in five minutes without even having to take his tunic off. “Then it stays with me. It smells so sweetly of its owner. Perhaps I’ll wear it as a favor during my tournaments.”

Unable to do anything else, the blonde left in a huff and the Winter Soldier sat down on a bench. He took the linen from his pouch and stroked the fabric, thinking of her and savoring the ache that she created in him.

_______________________---

Sarah was upset when her friend returned without the linen and with what he said. She heartily cursed her brother for going against their parents’ wishes and wanting to go see the gladiator tournament. As the sheltered daughter of a wealthy merchant, she’d never been allowed to see such a thing, their mother feared it would be too much for her to handle. Being stubborn and a bit rebellious, and egged on by her new friend Fabia, she decided to make her brother take them. Now because of her impulsive decision, her handkerchief was in the hands of the most dangerous gladiator in the arena!

“Why is it such a bother?” Fabia said in their shared room. “It’s just a little bit of cloth; there’s not even a mark to distinguish it as yours!”

“You don’t know my parents!” Sarah protested. “My mother is the goddess of discovery; she knows when something’s going on. She knows this color is my favorite and should your parents take my parents to the circus, and should she see that bit of pink she’ll get a feeling. Then the next thing I know she’ll pester my brother until he gives up the secret and I’m doomed!” She lays back on the couch and covers her face. “She’ll marry me off to the first fat, rich, old man in order to save my reputation!”

“Nothing a little poison in his wine can’t fix.”

“Fabia!”

The blonde shrugged. “Well if you can’t go to him, then I’ll just have to bring him to you.”

Sarah glared. “How?”

“My father is throwing a feast in honor of your father, right? So I’ll just do a little begging and insist that since us sweet little maidens can’t go to see the games if he’d hire a couple of the gladiators for a harmless exhibition to entertain the guests?”

“You can do that??”

The blonde scoffed. “I’m the only girl out of five sons and if his precious little darling wants to see the great Winter Soldier, then that’s what’s going to happen, so then while everyone is feasting, you can sneak over to him and get your linen.”

It was a crazy idea and the thought of being within reach of him made her shiver, but what else could she do? Sarah immediately agreed.

_______________________---

The Winter Soldier gave no thoughts about the party he and the rest of his companions were being sent to. It was pure entertainment, an exhibition only, so he didn’t care until he saw the older, dark-skinned matron standing next to her husband. Quicky, he saw the similar features to his pink maiden and realized that she might reside within. Now his senses were pricked, and his icy cold eyes darted around, taking in the layout as he carefully sought the slightest glimpse of her. They were taken to the slave’s quarters to prepar themselves until it was time for them to work. Some of the servant girls giggled and flirted with them and most were responsive, but not him. They weren’t the ones who shone like a black pearl in his mind.

“Where is Lady Sarah’s gown for tonight! Tell me it’s dry!” A black servant rushed in frantically.

“Here, here! Just came off the rack.” Another presented her with a folded white linen with green edges.

“Thank the heavens! She didn’t want to wear pink tonight for some reason.”

He appeared nonchalant as he listened to the little tidbits that they dropped for him. Sarah, her name is Sarah and she’ll be in a white and green dress. She’d wear no veil for the event as it was in a private residence, so he’d see the full scope of her beauty.

When they were finally taken to the grounds where he and the others would spar, he took a look around at the partygoers until he found her. She was seated next to the blonde at a small distance with the other women, but truly she shone like a pearl.

Roman men saw true beauty in pale white skin. Idiots to limit their views in such a way, because who could compare to the richness of Sarah’s dark skin? Her black hair was tressed up with cowrie shells and bits of gold. Her eyes were dark and sparkled like the night sky. She was a gorgeous, untouched beauty and his body abruptly ached with a want that nearly split him in two.

Suddenly he almost got walloped by a shield and he was forced to ignore her so as not to make a fool of himself. He wanted this fight to end quick, he didn’t care if he won or lost, he wanted to find her, go to her…

Briefly he caught a glimpse of her looking excited, the tip of her pink tongue peeking out and the frustrated rage that he couldn’t touch her made him charge against his opponent like a madman.

_____________________---

Sarah was nervous, during the mock battle the Winter Soldier fought like a beast unleashed, impressing the men and frightening the women. The other gladiators, groaning and aching were taken back to the servant’s quarters to relax, refresh and prepare in case they were wanted for other things. Now as the party continued, and the wine was being drunk to excess did she finally make her move to meet the great soldier.

Slowly one by one the Winter Soldier’s companions became otherwise occupied but no one called for him, then the black maid from earlier whistled to him and gestured for him to follow. It was time. Wordlessly he followed her. His body tightened in anticipation, he couldn’t help it and then there she was.

Sarah emerged from a darkened corner and gasped to see him suddenly less than foot away from her. He didn’t hesitate to shorten the distance between them until her back was pressed against the wall.

“Please don’t kill me, I just want my handkerchief.” She said breathlessly.

She was taller than he imagined, but that only made her more goddess like and the scent of her was sweeter than the bit of linen had implied. “I’m not going to kill you…” he touched her satin cheek with rough fingertips, “…why would I harm such perfection?”

Heat bloomed on her face and she looked down modestly. “I never knew soldiers could flatter.”

“They don’t, most are brutes who take what they want.” His thumb delicately stroked her lower lip and she shivered. The heat on her face now spread through her chest and further down her body.

“Like you did with my linen?” she managed to say softly. “I need it back.”

“You want me to give back what the gods decided was now mine?” He chided gently.

“It was the wind, not the gods.” She countered and carefully grabbed his wrist, drawing his inquisitive fingers away so she could think clearly. He was handsomer than she first thought, and those blue eyes weren’t cold, but warm, almost burning. “Please, my mother would be furious if she suspected I am here with a man…”

“I too would be furious to see you with a man.” He growled, taking her hands in his, finding her fingers long, but soft. “The thought of anyone touching you…” Dipping down he inhaled the perfume before kissing her knuckles.

He was too much, and she shuddered, overwhelmed. “Why are you so determined to keep my kerchief?”

“Because it is yours and when I touch it I feel as if I’m touching you.”

Goosebumps broke out and her heart skipped a beat. “What’s your name?”

“Hm?”

“Your name? I can’t call you soldier.”

“James.” He revealed softly.

The way he softened a bit when he revealed that to her was so charming. Perhaps he was not the beast he played to be. “If you wish to have a part of me so much then let me offer an exchange. If I give you another linen of mine, one my mother won’t recognize in exchange for the pink one, would you accept?”

The pink one had since lost its scent. “Only if given by your hands, Sarah.”

The butterflies fluttered within. She went with her maid to get the cloth and quicky returned with a soft white linen of the same size. Making sure they were still unseen she rejoined the gladiator in the darkened corner. He watched her, large and silent, as she approached him. With great tenderness she brought the linen to her lips for a gentle kiss, then offered it to him.

“As promised from my own hands to you, James.”

He bypassed the linen, grabbed her wrist and pulled her suddenly into his arms. He was a wall of muscle and heat, his blue eyes blazing into hers, catching her breathless.

“Is this linen the only way I will ever know the taste of your lips?”

“Is that all you crave?” She asked, as her hands rested over his shoulders, touching a man for the first time and finding the shape of his lips suddenly incredibly compelling.

“Sarah if I had my way I’d lay you out before that statue of Venus and teach you pleasures that send you to the stars.”

Seduced beyond understanding, she parted her lips and he claimed them, his tongue sliding in to awaken hers to this new form of pleasure. Passion scorched them to the bone as they kissed until they were panting desperately for more.

“My lady! My lady!” Her maid hissed. “Your mother’s looking for you!”

“No,” she whimpered, drawing away. “James I need to-”

“You’ve ruined me,” he growled, letting her go, but not before giving her the pink cloth back.

He watched her go, disappear back into the party full of people who’d keep her clean and pure and far away from men like him.

“Fuck you,” he said to no one in particular, then took the new white linen and pressed it to his nose, inhaling her scent.

____________________----

A fever had broken inside of him and there was no quenching it. It made him irritable and soon people gave him a wide berth. He threw himself into his battles, needing to burn the energy and when that wasn’t enough, he fucked his way through a succession of wives, leaving them gasping and bowl-legged.

But when he closed his eyes, it was Sarah on his mind and the kiss that snatched his soul and bound him to her. Sometimes he’d wake up from a nocturnal emission frustrated and full of longing.

In another part of the city Sarah was struggling with her own desires. His kiss left her aching, throbbing for more of what he promised. She wanted to see the stars, she wanted James to take her there.

“What is wrong with you?” Fabia whined as they walked through the gardens. “All you’ve done for a while is look out into the distance and sigh to yourself. Did your parents tell you something?”

“Well yes. My mother said when we go back home they’re going to start looking for a husband for me, but I knew that would happen soon…It’s just…I think of him…”

“Him?? There’s a him??” The blonde grinned and embraced her excitedly. “Who is it? How did you even meet him?”

Sarah hesitated for a moment. “It’s the Winter Soldier…when I asked for the linen back we spoke…and he kissed me.”

“You kissed the most terrifying gladiator in all of Rome! Sarah you’re mad!”

“He’s not terrible. He’s not terrible at all…Oh Fabia the feelings I’ve had in my stomach, in my heart…”

She clicked her tongue in sympathy. “Oh Sarah, Cupid has struck you.”

“I wonder if he feels the same? It’s been weeks.” She looked over the walls in the direction of the coliseum.

“There’s only one way to find out.” Fabia smiled cunningly.

“Fabia you’re insane!” She guessed.

“Do you wish to see him? Then be brave! True lovers will risk anything.”

Sarah was frightened of the consequences of her parents’ wrath, but the temptation was too strong, and she acquiesced.

___________________---

The Winter Soldier sat at the bench, thoughtfully chewing on his bread, ignoring the crowd that watched him and the other gladiators feast before their fight. He heard in the distance men shout their bets and exchange coins. He knew many were putting money on him, confident in his win. He thought of his share of the money, which has grown considerably.

A pebble suddenly landed on his plate. He looked over, irritated until he noticed it was Sarah’s maid. Realizing what that meant, his gaze darted around until he spotted her. She was escorted, an umbrella covering her from the sun, her veil properly in place, but it was her unmistakably. She came to see him but dared not approach, not with all the other gawkers. Her eyes moved around him, seeking. He pulled out the white linen kerchief and she smiled sweetly. She tapped her chest three times and pointed at him; her heart was glad to see him.

“My mistress wants to see you-” Suddenly one of the spectators tried to take liberties with the maid. Furious he grabbed him by his garment and yanked him violently against the steel bars. The fool fell into a heap, and everyone gave him a wide berth. Before the coliseum guards could pull him away, he listened to the maid finish. “-tonight by the west gate of your ludus.”

As the guards yanked him away he looked Sarah in the eyes and nodded.

_________________------

The whole day was torture for him. He’d fought like a god, knowing that the end of the day he would see his goddess again. The west gate of the ludus was least watched, mostly because it led to nowhere, only thick brush and rocky hills. However they were still locked and bars were solid, yet that didn’t diminish their reunion.

Sarah wore a black cloak, her maid and guard at a safe distance keeping watch, so they didn’t stop them as they kissed between the iron bars. The Winter Soldier was desperate to wrap his arms around her waist and pulled her as tight as the barriers allowed. Sarah cupped his dear face and kissed him fiercely.

“One kiss and I’m yours, James. What have you done to me?” She panted.

“Say it to me again. Tell me you’re mine, Sarah.” He commanded, his hands caressing, seeking.

He found her breasts and cupped them, making her hard little peaks bloom with desire. “I want to be yours, I dream of being yours.”

“The way I’ve starved for you. The way I’ve suffered from the lack of you.” He replied, “No woman nor man has tortured me as you have.”

The primal urge surged throughout her body, begging her to shed her clothes and let it fulfill it’s sacred duty with this man. “I want you to take me to the stars, James. Take me there before my husband does.”

The words stopped him dead. “Husband?”

“My family is leaving in a few weeks.” She revealed softly. “They plan to find me a husband.”

No, no! Is this a cruel joke by Venus to present a woman that finally awakened his soul only to snatch her away and give her to some pompous idiot who would only see her as a broodmare?

“I will go mad.” He said gruffly.

“And I will yearn for you for the rest of my days.” She replied. “Please.”

He could not deny her. “Send your maid to me in three days. I will tell her where we shall meet.”

____________________-----

The three days felt like years to Sarah, but she quietly prepared for their eventual joining. Fabia smuggled in oils and perfumes, helped her groom herself and arranged her clothes. Her mother noticed the change and commented on it.

“Fabia was showing me some new cosmetics.” she said shyly. “Do you like it?”

“It’s different, but it makes me think of what we’ll plan for when you get married. I’ve already ordered some new fabrics for dresses and ordered some stones…”

“Do you think I’ll be married off so fast, Mama? Or is that you want me to go?”

Her mother looked sad. “No! No, my darling it’s just…the relatives think we’ve been holding onto you for too long and that all this traveling will leave you restless and open to mischief. Don’t worry, I won’t have you given away so quickly. We will make sure your husband is a good man who will take good care of you, I promise.”

“And if I fall in love, Mama?”

“Then we will make sure he is worthy of that love.” She promised as well.

That night Sarah thought of her mother and her promise, but it didn’t dissuade her. With maid and guard beside her, she stole into the Roman night to meet with her true lover.

___________________---

By the temple of Venus there was a garden built by one of those snobby senators in order to win more points with the citizens. Of course, he built himself a little villa that overlooked it that only he could use. Luckily, said senator was off doing some pompous bullshit down south so the villa was empty. The Winter Soldier knew when he brought Sarah inside. He cleaned it a little and prepared the bedroom for his maiden. There were only a few oil lamps, but it was just enough for them to see each other as they undressed for the first time.

He never wore much to begin with, but what he revealed to her was shocking to say the least.

“Will that…in me?” She murmured breathlessly.

“I will be gentle.” He promised as he approached her and gently touched the cord around her waist. “May I?”

She nodded and only trembled slightly as the cord fell to the floor and her gown was slowly lifted from her body.

He had seen and fucked so many types of bodies, but hers, hers was without rival. Formed from the finest clay, glossy like satin, designed to make his mouth water.

“Is this pleasing?” she asked and gasped softly when he picked her up and effortlessly carried her to the bed. He hovered over her for a moment before bathing her in kisses.

“Gorgeous, radiant, divine….” He mouthed against her skin, “….the gods wept when they made you.”

He caressed her everywhere and made her feel glorious. When his tongue lapped her intimate place, she was momentarily repelled until new ecstasy caused her to cry out for more. She ran her fingers through his hair and pleaded with him to never stop.

Drunk with the taste of her, he pleasured her, teased her until the sweet music of her cries filled the air and she experienced her first climax. Taking advantage of her fresh slickness, he moved up between her long legs and placed the throbbing head of his shaft against her opening.

“I dedicate our joining to Venus, to guide me in showing you the true love between us and show you the delights of the celestial heavens.”

She knew there would be some pain, so the burn and the stretch didn’t scare her. She did her best to relax and moaned when James stroked her tender nerves, mingling pleasure with pain. It was a marvel that he could fit so perfectly inside her and by the time their roots met, she felt positively stuffed.

“Oh…”

James braced himself over her, sweating, her virgin sheath so good that it was killing him not to move. “Am I hurting you?”

“No…I’ve never felt anything like this….” She suddenly gave him a smoky smile. “I like it.”

“Sweet gods,” he whined, bowing his head in utter defeat as his hips rebelled against his control and began to move.

Sarah wrapped her arms around him and held his muscular body against hers as they gave in to the primal urge that stirred from the first look. There was no shame between them as they kissed, licked, caressed and moved as one. Black and white flesh mingled and rolled around in the sheets as they fought to draw out the pleasure for as long as they could.

James could not take his eyes off her, loving how she gleamed with pleasure, how the sweet scent of her mingled with their sex and then there was her unrestrained moans. She didn’t screech or howl like a whore determined to put on a good show. Her breathless, needy whines were of genuine joy and his own soon broke free, groans that were as deep as the pleasure churning in his loins, threatening to shatter him.

“James, James, I love you, I love you!” She cried out as the wave of delight crested over her body, threatening to drown her. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she forced him deeper and shuddered helplessly.

He was lost, lost in the tight heat of her and then she squeezed, flaying him with ecstasy. “My love, my love!”

The stars burst before them, and Venus blessed them with joy.

__________________---

They could not meet again for another interlude, although the gods knew they wanted to. Too quickly her family was packing their belongings from Fabia’s family’s residence and then she’d be on a ship heading back home.

Sarah did her best to come close to the Coliseum as often as she could, claiming that she wanted to walk it a few more times before leaving. James was there behind his iron bars waiting for her, staring at her as if he could make love to her from his gaze alone.

On the last day she came in her pink gown and dared to approach the bars. He grabbed her hands and dared to openly kiss them.

“I will be a good wife to my husband. I will run his house and give birth to his children, but my heart and soul will forever be yours James. Know this, believe this.”

He nodded and tried to speak. “I’ve been cold for so long. All my life I’ve felt nothing until I saw you. I, who have never prayed to the gods now beg them to reunite us in the end.”

She nodded, fighting back tears and thrust her original pink linen into his hands before turning away to go.

He watched her go, clutching the bars that he suddenly hated more than life itself. He gripped them until he was white knuckled and screamed at the injustice of it all.

Sarah heard the scream down to her bones and cried quietly in her bed as they sailed away.

_____________________----

The Winter Soldier was colder and meaner than ever on and off the arena. His companions at the ludus avoided him like the plague as all he wanted to do was drink, sleep and fight. He rejected the advances of former paramours, refusing to befoul the memories of Sarah with their filth.

She should be back home by now, no doubt picking out fabrics and jewels for her wedding day with her mother. Anger flooded him and he slammed his cup of wine down harshly, causing it to spill over.

“It’s a waste of food, soldier.”

He glanced over and saw that it was Sarah’s blonde little friend. “I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

“When does a slave get to speak to me that way?”

“I’m not a slave, I’m a freeman! I’m here of my own free will!” He snapped.

She arched a brow. “Oh really? Then what’s stopping you from leaving the arena, sailing across the ocean and paying Sarah’s bride price?”

“I don’t have enough to do that….to provide for her and give her what she deserves.” He muttered.

“Bah, I bet you could earn more than enough in a single fight.” She countered. “If you wanted to, but I suppose a soldier like you only takes orders.”

Bullshit! Everything he’d ever done was because he wanted it, but Sarah had her wants too.

“She’s determined to do right for her parents. I cannot ruin that for her.” He argued.

“She slept in the same room as I and her tears for you were endless. Her heart and soul are broken without you. Do you really wish for her to be so miserable?”

No, and to know that she had been so unhappy made him angry. Why did Venus give him a taste of real love only to cut it off so abruptly? Was it his punishment for treating it so lightly before? Or was she perhaps offering him the chance to prove that he had changed and would risk it all?

“Find me a ship.” He said suddenly, standing up.

“For when?” She asked.

“Three days. It’s all I need.”

______________----

Sarah was glad to be home of sorts. They all arrived safely but her mother became very sick so all concerns were about her recovery. The matron had insisted that they continue with the matchmaking, but Sarah had firmly refused to even consider thinking about her happiness while her mother was in such a state. Relatives would accuse her of being selfish and unfilial.

Finally, when her mother was healthy enough to move around once more did she reluctantly agreed to start looking for a husband. There were plenty of men put forward by relatives insisting that they would be perfect for her. She doubted it.

It turned out the fussiest person in the groom selection process was not Sarah, but her father. He loved his son, but also doted on his daughter and wanted to make sure that the man for her was good, hard working, fearless and rich…very rich. It frustrated her mother to no end when he rejected nearly all the men when they tried to negotiate the bride price. He wanted a hundred head of cattle, goats and sheep, servants to take over their daughter’s former responsibilities, plus some jewels for his wife. There were some men who could do it, but wondered if the merchant’s daughter was worth so much.

“Hey,” Samuel disturbed her and her mother from their weaving, “a new suitor just showed up and he’s Roman. He’s talking to father right now.”

“What?” Both women were shocked and rose to investigate.

Rushing to the main sitting area, Sarah nearly collapsed when she saw that it was none other than James! Except he wasn’t dressed like a gladiator, but a Roman citizen.

Meanwhile James saw her enter and it was as if he had been given water from paradise. He offered her a small smirk before turning back to her father.

“Your daughter is a pearl without price, but I am willing to pay for her to be my wife.” He said firmly.

“I am surprised that you are here making such a request when I don’t even know you.” Her father asked.

“I was a common soldier who joined the legion and fought the barbarians up in the frozen north. I then became a gladiator because after all the ugliness and horror I saw I didn’t care what happened in the world. I was the Winter Soldier and my life was meaningless until I saw your daughter.”

Sarah blushed and her mother studied her. “You know this man, Sarah?”

“I do, Mama. I know him as James.” She admitted, her heart beating fast.

“When she left I wanted to die, but then someone reminded me that I had the choice and the means to get her back.” He then explained how he took his life savings and bet it all to win one of the largest, winner take all gladiator battles exhibited at the arena. There were no less than thirty pairings and winners kept fighting until only one stood standing, then the leaders decided to throw in a few tigers just for fun. By the end of it, he had been battered, bruised, bleeding and exhausted beyond belief. The only thing that gave him courage was the pink linen tucked on his belt, for her he’d fight until the end and he nearly did. His reward finally? He was rich beyond belief, so finally he dropped his sword, took his money and sailed across the sea to find the only one who would make him happy.

“Sarah, be my wife. Run my house, bear my children and I will love you with a flame that will shame the sun.”

“Yes!” She cried out, running and throwing her arms around him before anyone could stop her. To be in each other’s arms after believing that they never would again was intoxicating.

The family was then shocked to see them kiss with a passion that only lovers could have.

Her father cleared his throat sharply. “Sir…the bride price?”

James drew back, his eyes fixed on Sarah’s joyous expression. “Name it, name your price. I’ll give you Rome itself.”

The family matron gave her husband a knowing look and the man sighed understanding. “Rome will not be necessary, but we can negotiate the bride price into something reasonable so long as you promise to make my daughter smile as brightly as she is now.”

In the end her father got his hundred head of livestock, her mother got a small casket of jewels and Sarah sought out the most beautiful fabrics for her wedding dress.

Sam helped his new brother-in-law find a house worthy of his sister and arranged it to her liking. When the ceremony, rituals, and feasting was done, James took his beloved wife over the threshold of their new home and brought her to bed. There their passion was unleashed once more as their bodies mingled on the marital bed. James feasted on her like a man starved and she saw the heavens every time they joined.

“I’m yours, yours completely.” She murmured sleepily as they lay sated in their bed.

“My wife,” he replied pulling her close, desiring her warmth. “I loved you at first sight.”

They had an altar to Venus built and tied around the wrist for safe keeping was the pink kerchief.

[ulirblood]

"Do you know," he said, straightening from his position near Seliph to turn to Edain. He extended the platter of meats as he spoke, and afterthought almost, a prelude to the main course. The platter is displayed with a variety of finely roasted poultry meats, cooked in a traditional Chalphy style of one-within-the-other. The skin of the turkey is crispy, and the fats from the duck have marinated both the chicken within and the turkey without. There are cloves and lemon slices studding the plate, combining to form a melange of rich flavors. The choice of which piece to take is up to the feaster – there is plenty to go around!

"Do you know that I could spend all day listing your finer qualities, and still not have summarized all that I could be thankful to you for, my lady? No, no, it is true! You are my oldest friend, my closest comfort - you have looked after me through so many dark nights in my life, and you have done the same for my son in my absence. It is to you that I credit his health, his wellness, and his strong spirit - that came not from me, I think."

It was easy to say these things to Edain - thankfulness was something that he was used to, with her, something that tipped from his mouth in just as effusive quantity as warmth.

But that was also the problem, for he knew not precisely how to emphasize how much she meant - not just to him, but to all around him.

"Do you know that I would be lost without you, my dear friend?" His eyes creased with his smile. It was not as flowery as an admission as he might have given on another occasion, but if Edain looked closely, she might have seen the mist in his eyes - might have heard the crack in his voice, if she'd the ear. "You have my love, now, and always."

sat between seliph and larcei, her friends’ future children, edain thinks she could not be happier as when she watches sigurd give his speech of thanks. it’s cheesy and a bit boyish but it is so very him. 

after belhalla, she thought she could truly be happy again, but by all accounts the impossible has been accomplished. her loved ones had been brought back to her. the chalphy family is alive and so too is her brother. it is only midir and brigid that are missing, but even they stay alive in her heart. edain smiles warmly, watching sigurd come up to her. it is like a dream, she thinks. she does not take from the platter of meats right away, instead focusing on sigurd as he speaks.

similarly to how deirdre had earlier in the evening, his little speech is only filled of praise and compliments towards her character— nothing of her beauty as once expected by all the noble men around her. sigurd has always been authentic with her, and she would not change that for the world.

“lord sigurd.” she speaks after he finishes, wishing she could grasp his hands tightly as if to cement the compliments she’s about to speak herself. “you do not realize how important you are to me, i think.” she cannot help but chuckle, out of both nerves and amusement. “you have been there for me since my days of knighthood, the first person who was able to show me how authentically kind a man can really be. you are my dearest and closest friend— and i know that i would do anything for you.” she clears her throat, getting a little bit teary eyed herself. “if there is anything i want you to take away from this feast, i want you to know that i will always be on your side no matter what.”

sigurd is a man she will follow into death if she has to, even if he might protest it. “thank you.” and after a moment allowed to calm from the sudden wave of emotions, edain takes her own smaller serving. she was not someone who ate lots and lots, even at feasts like this. placing her plate back on the table, she turns to sigurd and playfully pushes against his back. “you have the other guests to give thank to! don’t keep them waiting.”

[josiebelladonna]

hm. well, let’s see…

-my fics got more autobiographical while fusing worlds of fantasy, i.e., wrote/began writing some of my best work while saturn was in aqua

-my art got a lot honest, too. part of it being i’m working mostly by hand rather than digitization: i still do digital art but i’m having to be wise about it with the rise of ai and everything

-two very sexy men named joey and alex (joey at 0° degrees aquarius, alex at 4°)

-befriended amazing people

-started vocalizing more questions

-started “seeing things as they are”, i.e., people who are all talk and no walk, “fake it til you make it” is bullshit always has been and always will be, and things that are too good to be true, but also good people coming from all walks of life and small miracles in the strangest of places like bowls of soup or the twinkle in alex’s eyes or the way a cloud looks

-started standing up for things i believe in (supporting art and artists, supporting science at its root, taking care of your body, lgbtq+ rights and all things pertaining to sexuality, supporting people from different backgrounds, supporting men as well as women because there’s way too much cartoon “feminism” that’s just an excuse for people to be dickheads to boys and men while acting like girls and women are perfect in every way)

-started becoming really bored and disenchanted with “rockism” and i began paying more attention to smaller acts, weirder shit, and different genres without being all like “why isn’t this more popular?” out the gate in junction with the basic stuff because it’s buried in the same way diamonds are buried

-realized that i’m only a small part of an even bigger thing

-animals began warming up to me more (they always have but it was especially the case then; lots of cats and dogs, but also lots of birds, reptiles, horses, fish, billy goats, deer, elk, and even a couple of foxes?)

-gained 40+ pounds as of my writing this (30 in 2021, 17 last year, and i lost a couple so far this year: 40 pounds is still 40 pounds, and i can barely see my toes anymore when i look down 😅) and figured that it’s actually been a lifelong dream of mine to be very chubby, like i’ve always felt it in hindsight, from looking at my belly in the mirror and wishing it was fat to wanting dessert in a restaurant when my parents refused it. but i also want to stay healthy, like… i like wendy’s, arby’s, dairy queen, jersey mike’s, jack in the box, dutch bros., chili’s, el pollo loco, in n’ out, and outback steakhouse as much as the next fat girl but i actually prefer eating at home, and i eat mainly whole food at that, too—i like foreign food, too, mainly your asian stuff like japanese and vietnamese food. i’ve repressed a lot of desire out of fear of being judged for my weight (pluto is going to make me extra chubby? i’m kinda down 😆😋)

-shit got really erotic with me, like… more so than when saturn was in capricorn because it was all me in aquarius

-with my weight gain, i’ve grown very strong, like i don’t think i would have been able to shovel a pathway through 2-foot snow drifts for my mom, my dog, and myself without having this big, round “mountaineer woman” belly on me. i’m also way more flexible than i was in high school, too (i do miss riding my bike from home to the cafe nearby for coffee and pie, though)

-i’ve grown very disillusioned and displeased with mainstream culture, be it on tv or the internet, and i’ve just decided to go with my heart and what i like and i don’t care if i’m alone in it, too

-my intuition got absurdly sharp during that transit, too, like things would manifest to me after i talked about it in throwaway fashion or thought about it in fleeting detail

-been traveling a lot, usually to the beach or down to l.a., or even just doing “common people” type stuff like going to the movies or to a nice restaurant

-returned to things i loved as a kid that i sort of had to give up during my teen years like meteorology and comics and cartoons i grew up watching and horror and eating whatever i feel like (i had one of those little pies you get at walmart, blueberry of course + a piece of cake the other day: 8 year old me was in bliss!)

-discovered my heritage after not really knowing my whole life (i’m two parts latin, two parts from the british isles, one part scandinavian, and a tablespoon of baltic states: i always thought i was native american and german)

-my mom’s got saturn in aquarius, too, and during her own return, she picked up more hobbies like those diamond paintings, legos, and sewing (she and i are also big on funko pops, rocks, gardening, and books)

-she and i also got into a discussion about dreams in life a couple of times during that transit, how i want to make a comic book someday and go back into ceramics and art glass and working with my hands, while she wants to write and publish a novel and get more into carpentry

-problems with the house came up, too, like my stepdad dying and ownership of the house going into limbo, the septic backing up, the place being ungodly cold in the winter and hotter than holy fuck in the summer, and recently, losing the internet for four days

-saw a lot of weather during that transit, too, like… california is pretty much known for having nice day after nice day after nice day after nice day to the point of monotony, but i saw… snowstorms, the thickest fog i’ve ever seen, the brightest rainbows i’ve ever seen, awful heat waves, monsoon flows, hail, a couple of bomb cyclones, floods, hydrological outlooks, sleet, a shitload of rain, stupidly high winds, whatever tf was happening last spring when i didn’t put my winter clothes and warm blankets away until the end of june, snow up to my hip, the place actually looking like anchorage alaska at one point, and even funnel clouds

-the big thing is “acab” (all cops are bastards)… you know what’s really weird is i actually met a lot of cool cops during that transit, guys who were really good guys, like they were actually doing justice in front of me, a heavyset woman of mixed race. social justice should never be trendy, either: you stand for something because it feels right to you, not because it’s expected of you.

-i’ve also always known the power of lurking, just observing behavior, but saturn in aquarius really made me love doing that. there’s so much power in just watching people and seeing how they behave, especially when they think you aren’t around.

i should also mention that saturn was in my 8th house and conjunct my moon at one point, and i had my saturn return last month on the 17th, too! those transits get way too of a bad wrap, imo: questioning my sexuality and gender to the point of feeling overwhelmed and completely lost aside, saturn in the 8th is actually pretty cool at some points—in some cases, fun. and the saturn return can actually be the best thing to happen to you, too. saturn on the moon was kind of tough, though, like i often felt really robotic during that.

[stupidincorrectgreekhistory]

(A/N) I write a lot. If you want to filter only to my incorrect quotes, then you can always sort by that tag. I hope that if you do read my little snippets, they bring you joy (or sadness, I suppose. I'm not your mom). Also, I generally write in first person, but I'm trying out writing part of this story in third person.

The taste of rain on Adrian's tongue is like a balm to his sore throat, the feeling akin to the teas that his mother used to foist upon him when he was ill. The sting, then the relief... he can feel the moment that Anne and Sara come up behind him, and he sighs.

"I don't want you to see me like this. I told you." Sara hums in agreement, and he thinks that's it before she hefts him back from under his armpit, huffing and puffing as her skirt gets crumpled beneath them. The touch makes him flinch before relaxing and helping her sit up.

"Then you won't. I'm not a maid because I waltzed in and declared it to the castle, Adrian. You always forget that I can do things as well." A scandalised gasp comes from Anne, and they both ignore her. Sara cups his face, tipping his gaze upwards to meet hers. Gold meets brown, and he smiles sheepishly. She knows a lot more than she thinks she does. About him, and of the palace's laws, and the delegation.

Now, if only he could keep her from repeating this mistake over and over again.

"It isn't that I think you aren't. I know you're strong. Unfortunately, many men of greater strength await in great numbers, expecting me alone. I doubt we will be received well if you depart with me. One might think of why I ask of you to stay one's hand, hm?" He adds the last part teasingly, and she shakes her head.

"Why is it always you, god damned as the rest of them? Why can't you ever let things be?" She asks seriously, and he shrugs at that.

"Isn't it kindness, what I do?" She looks past him, her brown eyes far away as she thinks about what to respond with. She's looking for someone else, he thinks, someone that she knew long ago. A boy younger than this domain, soft and tiring of watching the people suffer. If I was to depart, what would become of that sweet child? The thoughts swirl. This vessel is half of him, small and still not entirely free of the awkwardness of development and baby fat on his cheeks.

The rain has stopped to a drizzle. The sun is going down, and it's time to leave. After all, who is he to love himself as much as the world that he adores? If this is the end, it is a kind one. It's even a mercy killing, with his nature so terribly corrupting within him. How much will have withered away, by the time that his limitless lifespan has passed one hundred? What is death to a changeling? What is drowning to a fish? His hair falls in his face, and the human form he's holding- the one he has loved and been loved in- shivers in and out of vision.

"I don't think you're kind, to leave us without your protection with the northern lands attacking. I don't think it's kind to hurt, Adrian." Sara admits, patting a glitching tendril that twitches at the words. The beast looks at the maiden. She has killed it, and it has killed her. Hope is the first to leave with love, and they both know it as much as they know that Adrian is still going to walk to his death.

And now, his love will kill him under a blood moon. Romance rests in your chest, eating you with as much vigor as it possibly can. The beast, Adrian, he wants to scream, I'm Adrian. He isn't, he's certain, but still it becomes a mantra in the back of his head: Adrian, Adrian, Adrian... I am Adrian. The knowledge of his quickly approaching execution doesn't make him falter at all.

"Lord Farien, I come to you to seal our contract. For the price of your own leadership, you will take my life and its allotted time span. Yes or no will suffice, my lord." Adrian (I'm not just the beast that devours my humanity I am Adrian I'm not alone) drops to one knee, keeping his head bowed in acknowledgement to the man in front of him. He sweeps forward, clothes in a queerly wrinkled state considering his obsession with his own wealth. Adrian hasn't ever seen him look this... horribly sad. Of the two, though, he supposes that Farien gets the last laugh, doesn't he?

Farien. He doesn't even know the man's first name, and now he's going to die by his hand without knowing it. The aftertaste of guilt is as unfortunate as it's always been as he stands on his orders.

"Adrian?" The man asks, aghast, and Adrian shudders. The sound of his true name ripples through him, grounding, and the vampire steps forward like the person he is: innocent, even with the centuries of knowledge under his belt. This- this is the visceral pain that Adrian has been feeling since he let Farien propose the deal. It hurts more, to see Farien suffering much the same.

"Farien," He says back, mouthing the words like he's afraid of the truth, "Yes or no?" He chokes out the last words like poison is still burning down his throat. The man in front of him looks him over, taking in the way he shifts back and forth from man to monster. Who is who? What is Adrian?

What is immortality worth to someone who loves? What is death to someone who has already felt it?

[flying-elliska]

tidbits from the webinar with Leigh Bardugo :

- With her writing, she wants to show there isn’t one kind of strong female character, that there are lots of different ways to be badass, among men as well. You don’t have to be super tough or a brooding dickhead. She wants to show fantasy doesn’t have to belong to one type of hero (white able bodied straight guy). She mentioned jk*r and seeing the heartbreak among her readers and thought she never wanted to be a part of causing that. Ppl talk about diversity as an artificial construct but it’s just...how the world is, and it’s how you tell a better story. When they announced they were casting a half-Asian Alina ppl were like  ‘why don’t you want her to look Russian’ and she was like ??? “have you ever looked at Russia on a map ?”. And borders are porous, there isn’t a firm line/wall in reality, and in the world of the series, in the border town near Shu Han Alina comes from, people are doing business with each other, falling in love across the border...it’s just what naturally happens.

- The Crows in this first season of Shadow and Bone are not the same as when we meet them in Six of Crows, they’re not quite as badass yet. We are getting some of the backstory that is in the books but not all of it, they wanted to keep some for next season (hopefully)

- You cannot write about thugs and thieves without being aware of the social/economic/political dynamics that created them

- When writing a book, she often starts in one place and ends in another, with Six of Crows she started wanting to do a fun blockbuster-y fantasy heist romp and then Kaz Brekker was ‘riding his brother’s corpse to freedom’ lmao

- Advice for writers : research can be dangerous, it’s easy to get lost and stay away from the draft. for shadow and bone she gave herself two months to really get lost in research, look into folklore, old cookbooks, to really get into the vivid details.

- Writing short stories is a really good way to better your writing

- To get somewhere you have to be bad at things. The bad days when you’re in a process are a good sign, because you are trying to do something bigger than you’ve ever done before. She had to learn to sit with the discomfort of not being good when she started writing.

- Writing process : beat sheet with main elements > zero draft, in which there is still discovery left about the characters. Everybody’s process is different, the key is to finding yr own. The process of writing a novel is so long, you have to be in love and stay in love with that idea, remind yourself what made you excited about it in the first place, and wait for the moment where you fall back in love with it. If you get haunted by another idea that won’t go away you can wonder what appeals to you about it and you can put it in your current project.

- The greatest gift you can give yourself is to finish a draft. When you’re stuck, go for a walk and talk to yourself (you can put in earphones to not look crazy lmao). Or shift POV. As a writer a critical voice is often what blocks you. You need to remind yourself that the first draft is going to be bad and you have to let it be, you’re telling the story to yourself, it’s fine to have placeholders and go back.

- When you’re a young writer the important thing is that you keep being in love with writing, there is no expiration date on your talent. When you’re in prep school mode, you’re told your value is in being young and brilliant, at some point you’re not the youngest one in the room anymore, you’re no longer the wunderkind, but that’s not where your value is. You still have a story to tell.

- She says she is a mix of Kaz (because she uses a cane, she’s a planner and she keeps a grudge for a long time) and Nina, or at least Nina is who she would like to be, the best part of her.

- She likes writing about women who get their revenge.

- Ketterdam treats people as commodities and expendable, it’s the protestant work ethic taken to extremes, and so ppl like Kaz and Inej are going to have the experiences they had. She didn’t want to do misery tourism, it was very important to approach these with caution and do a lot of research. She found it important to donate to organizations linked to things she has written about, so like against trafficking when she was writing Inej’s backstory. Writing those backstories were some of the most harrowing stuff she ever wrote as a writer. The scene with Kaz and Inej and the bandages was probably the hardest scene she’s ever written, she wanted to be respectful of what those two characters had been through, she’s written a lot of versions of that scene. It’s fun to talk about ships but she doesn’t want trauma to be ‘healed by love’, it wouldn’t feel respectful, the journey towards healing is a slow one, you backslide, etc.

- She struggled a lot writing Crooked Kingdom, she was kind of in a burnout, and wondered afterwards if it even was good. Importance of the drive to get better so you don’t stay static.

- She loooves a slow burn and had to put the brakes on the show writers several times lol when it came to kissing and such.

- Her fave episode of the show is episode 7

- She likes giving the names of her friends to characters bc they supported her so much during the writing process

- The first books are generally the easiest to write because you can throw your ideas at the wall and see what sticks, you can kind of do what you want, and after that in following books you have a lot more threads to pick up.

- Pet peeve : people talking about how this character didn’t “deserve” this : in her experience the people who deserve to go don’t and often the loving kind ones are those who lose, she’s experienced a lot of loss in her life, and she’s not going to write a book about war and danger without being honest about how these things go, it would feel disingenuous. She’s not going to stop killing people (lol).

- One fan talked about how she felt really helped by Nina being a curvy girl who is presented as charming and confident and very lovable. Leigh talks about how she’s been a lot of different sizes, she heard there was a famous author saying disparaging things about her weight and disability behind her back, she was like that’s not even original, and actually fuck being ashamed of that, she wants the culture to change and wants to participate in that. She wants it to be known that she is a very successful, adored fat woman with a partner who helps her up stairs, she also wants fans to know that they’re so much more than their appearance. (that moment was so badass, it reminded me of Kaz giving advice to Wylan about his disability)

- Our culture is garbage and you’re at war everyday with the people who want to make you feel bad about yourself so you buy things. Find people who make you feel strong and amazing, who don’t just tolerate you but who think you’re the best.

Anyway this was a really cool moment honestly, it made me even more of a fan.

[tchallasbabymama]

Don't Forget About Us

Hello, my lovelies. Here’s my contribution to @nahimjustfeelingit-writes smut challenge (the prompt is in bold!) Let’s see what Erik’s up to now, shall we?

Don’t forget to check out my masterlist to read my other stories and oneshots. Your comments and reblogs mean the world to me, so make sure to let me know what you think! And let me know if you want to be tagged in any of my writing. Enjoy😘

Word count: 5,595

CW: smut...duh.

“So, what do you do for a living?”

Kayla sighed internally at the question and took a sip of her Pinot Grigio. She hated first dates with a burning passion, but unfortunately, that was the only way to find a man around here. She went through the motions of politely answering his questions, barely asking any of her own. She didn’t care. Even just fifteen minutes in, Kayla could tell he didn’t excite her, and she lamented the waste of a good outfit as she listened to him drone on about his life. Every now and then, he’d stop and ask a question about her, but she could tell he was only asking so he could talk more about himself.

How many siblings do you have?

What’s your sign?

Why did your last relationship end?

Her mind traveled to her ex-boyfriend, Erik Stevens. They had spent six blissful years together, and Kayla thought he was the one. She wanted them to get married and start a family, and she thought he did, too, but every time she brought it up, he’d find some excuse to change the subject. At thirty years old, Kayla wasn’t getting any younger, so she grew tired of his avoidance and eventually cut him loose. She needed more out of life, but the guy currently sitting across from her certainly wasn’t it.

“We wanted different things,” she answered vaguely and took another sip. It would be a long night with what’s-his-name. David? Devon? Whatever. At least he had money and took her to a nice restaurant.

Darryl took the opportunity to bore her with the details of his job, which Kayla already knew. He was a colleague of her best friend, Carina’s husband. They worked at the same law firm, and Carina decided to hook them up after tiring of hearing Kayla complain about dating apps. As much as Kayla hated Tinder, she would’ve much rather been at home on her couch swiping left on the cesspool of single men Oakland had to offer. Every few dozen swipes or so, she’d find a cutie, but his bio would be abysmal, or his conversation skills would fall flat.

Despite the fact that their relationship just couldn’t make it, Kayla still thought of Erik as the gold standard. Just thinking about his dimples and his struggle beard made her smile dreamily. His big, strong arms would wrap around her and hold her tight at night, and she’d trace her fingers over the intentionally placed keloid scars that held his darkest secrets. She missed retwisting his locs and the way he always smelled like sandalwood and warm vanilla. Kayla didn’t want to admit it, but she still loved him. No man could compare to her Erik.

“Hello? Kayla?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry. Can you repeat that last part?”

“Uh, yeah, sure. What’s got you so distracted, babygirl?”

Kayla fought the bile rising in her throat. She wasn’t his babygirl. It didn’t even sound right coming from his mouth. Maybe it was the thinness of his lips. They weren’t “white man” thin, but they couldn’t hold a candle to the juicy pussy pleasers she had grown accustomed to.

“Nothing, just thought I saw somebody I know. You were saying?”

“Just that you look beautiful tonight,” Damon attempted to flirt with her.

Kayla wanted to roll her eyes but thanked him instead and smiled politely again. Of course she looked beautiful; she had pulled out all the stops for what she had hoped would be a good night out. Kayla had squeezed her thickness into a lavender satin dress. The way the dress’s skirt cinched on the side kept it snug around her plush waist, but the high slit that traveled up her thigh was the main attraction. The strappy silver heels on her feet showed off her matching pedicure that contrasted beautifully with her glistening brown skin, and her makeup was flawless. Her outerwear for the night, a cropped fur jacket that had found its way to the coat check when they arrived, was the icing on the cake. Her outfit deserved the appreciation, just not from Deshawn.

The waiter saved her from having to focus on her date when she brought out the food they had ordered. Since Kayla knew Derek had money, she had ordered the whole lobster, and she fought her mouth from drooling too much as the waiter set it down in front of her. It laid on a bed of forbidden rice, and the side of roasted brussels sprouts and cremini mushrooms looked heavenly. The ramekin of drawn butter off to the side tempted her as it sat next to the minuscule seafood fork. She may not enjoy her company for the evening, but Kayla damn sure was going to enjoy her meal.

“Looks good,” Dominic called from the other side of the table, breaking Kayla from her trance as he cut into his wagyu beef.

“Sure does.” Kayla wasted no time before digging into her meal. Not only was it the perfect excuse to avoid conversation, but it was perfect, period.

A slight chill permeated the air as the door swung open and the crisp January air entered the small restaurant. Kayla shivered as she complained internally about being forced to sit near the door, but that shiver intensified as she heard a voice. His voice.

“Reservation for Stevens, please.”

Kayla stilled.

“Of course. Right this way, sir,” the maitre d’ responded, and Kayla heard three sets of footsteps coming her way.

--------

“Babe, let’s go!”

“Yell at me one more time, woman,” Erik warned as he came around the corner into the living room, fastening his watch.

“I swear, you take more time getting ready than I do.”

“Whatever, Mo. You ready?”

“Nigga, I been ready!”

Erik rolled his eyes and grabbed his keys. It would be a rough night, and things were already starting off on a bad foot. He and Monique had been seeing each other for the better part of a year, and he’d finally reached his limit. She was overbearing, rude, and just after him for his money, but he hated being alone, so he put up with her bullshit. His cousin, T’Challa, had tried to hook him up with a few ladies back in Wakanda when he went to visit after his breakup, but nothing stuck. Almost immediately after coming back to the states, Erik met Monique at a charity event for the Outreach Center. She had the singing voice of an angel and had been booked as the entertainment for the evening. Erik was drawn to her like a sailor to a siren, and she immediately sank her teeth into him. Past her vocal talents, Monique wasn’t really anything special. Her personality left a lot to be desired, she wasn’t the sharpest crayon in the box, and she just wasn’t her.

The moment Kayla ended their relationship a year ago, Erik’s whole world shattered. He had lived a life full of pain and loss, but Kayla had been his lifeline. She pulled him out of the dark and made him revel in the sunshine. Hell, she was the sunshine, but now he had settled for a UV lamp at best. Kayla had wanted a life that Erik was too scared to give her, but that fear became his downfall. He still missed her most nights. He was lonely, and Monique was there to keep him company, but that wasn’t enough for him anymore. Erik craved a connection that Monique just couldn’t provide. So he decided he had to break it off and figured that doing so in a public place would probably be best. She had a tendency to throw things when she got angry.

The car ride to Chez Martine was tense. Monique had been angry all day because Erik had taken back his credit card even though she wanted to buy a new dress for their date. Her lousy mood almost made him dump her back at his condo, but Erik kept a cool head and stayed focused on the plan. He ignored the way Monique complained the entire time she got ready, reluctantly putting on a dress he had seen her wear before. It didn’t matter to him; he knew what the night held.

When they walked into the restaurant, Erik’s heart dropped into his stomach. He’d recognize that shoulder blade tattoo anywhere. She had cut off all her hair and lost a few pounds, but he knew for sure that he was looking at Kayla. His Kayla. He forced himself to look straight ahead as they passed her table and prayed that the maitre d’ didn’t sit them where she could see him. Unfortunately, he had no such luck because the only open table for two was directly within her line of sight. He prayed again that Monique would sit on the far side of the table, but Bast ignored his pleas once more. He had to sit facing her, and as soon as he got comfortable in his chair, her gaze slyly trailed over to him. They locked eyes across the room, and Erik’s heart stopped. She was just as beautiful as the last time he saw her all those months ago, but who the fuck was that sitting across from her?

“What are you looking at?” Monique’s abrasive voice cut through his eardrums.

“Nothing. Just thought I saw someone I know, that’s all.”

She cut her eyes at him and turned around to look as he buried his face in the menu.

“Quit being nosy,” he complained.

“I just wanna see who’s got your attention, that’s all.” Monique turned back around with a sour look on her face. “It’s probably that fat girl with her cleavage all out.”

“Mo, just look at the fucking menu and act like you got some sense.”

“Fine.”

Monique pouted until the waiter showed up, but she plastered a fake smile on her face as he took their order. As usual, she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, and it bothered him to no end that she was hellbent on spending all of his money. Of course, he had plenty, but she felt entitled to it. Kayla never cared about him being rich. Hell, when they got together, she didn’t even know he was a prince, but he loved to spoil her nonetheless. He loved the look on her face when he’d buy her things or take her on the expensive trips that she more than deserved. Kayla appreciated everything he did for her with all her heart, but she’d say the same thing every time.

“Thank you, baby, but you’re all I need.”

Erik smiled fondly at the memory of when he bought her a diamond tennis bracelet from Wakanda for their second anniversary. She was so excited to have diamonds that weren’t marred by exploited labor that she damn near dropped the box when she saw what was inside. It had been a rough year for them, what with him disappearing for a couple of months to seize the Wakandan throne and all. She certainly had plenty of colorful words for him when he came back. He’ll never forget the look on her face when he showed up at her door. He had brought T’Challa for backup just in case, but she looked right past the king as tears welled up in her eyes at seeing her Erik, alive and well.

Erik’s eyes started to get misty as he thought about the way she kissed him with so much emotion...then slapped him across the face for leaving. His gaze wandered back over to Kayla and he noticed the light bounce off of something on her arm. She was wearing the bracelet.

As if she felt his glare, Kayla shifted uncomfortably in her seat, so he averted his eyes back to Monique, who had caught him staring again.

“Why don’t you go say hi?” she asked sarcastically, making him roll his eyes so hard they almost got stuck.

--------

Erik Stevens. Here, of all places. He just had to be here.

Kayla noticed that he didn’t seem to be enjoying his modelesque date’s company any more than she was enjoying Darwin’s, and the pang of jealousy she felt at seeing him with another woman went away. She knew she had no right to feel any kind of way about it, especially since she was the one that broke things off. That didn’t make it any easier, though.

Dylan was too wrapped up in his steak to notice her wandering eye, but it seemed that Erik’s food was as uninteresting as the woman across from him. Kayla watched as he half-heartedly pushed it around his plate, but he certainly kept his favorite whiskey coming. She wanted to chuckle but didn’t want Daniel to think he had anything to do with her levity. They were both drowning their dissatisfactions in their alcohols of choice, and Kayla got a phantom taste of Uncle Nearest 1856 on her lips as she watched him take a sip. When he set the glass down and licked his lips, Kayla felt flush. She missed those lips…

“So, how about dessert?” Damien asked as he leaned back in his chair and rubbed his stomach. “I hear their creme brulee is amazing.”

“Uh, sure, why not?”

“You know,” he began as he leaned in and reached for her hands. She allowed him to take them, but the softness of his hands disgusted her. No callouses, no roughness, not even a firm grip. “I’ve had a great night. I’d love to see you again.”

Kayla chuckled nervously, unsure of how to proceed.

“What are you doing next-”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

A shrill voice pierced the air as Erik’s date bolted up from her seat. Desmond, and the whole restaurant, turned around to see what was going on, and Kayla took the opportunity to remove her hands from his.

“Keep your voice down,” Erik sneered through his teeth. “We’re in public.”

“So?! You bring me out here just to dump me? To dump this?!” she gestured at her slim figure, and he rolled his eyes.

“You ain’t even all that,” he waved her off. He was tired of playing nice, and Kayla could see the exasperation written all over his face.

“Excuse me, miss-” the waiter attempted to calm her down, but the crazed woman cut him off.

“Stay out of this!”

“I’m so sorry,” Erik mouthed to the poor man who would absolutely be getting a monstrous tip later.

“Oh, you’re sorry for him, but not for me?”

“Mo, just sit down. We can finish our meal like adults-”

“Fuck you, Erik.” She threw her dirty martini at him, soaking the front of his all-black ensemble.

Kayla could damn near see the steam coming out of his ears as his apparent ex stormed out of the restaurant. Erik locked eyes with her across the room, and when he saw the concern written all over her face, his softened.

“Whew, poor fella,” Dexter commented as he turned back around. “Where was I? Oh-”

“Excuse me, where’s your restroom?” Kayla interrupted him as their waiter walked by.

“Right down there.” She pointed at a set of stairs off to the side, and Kayla thanked her as she slid out of her seat.

“I’ll be back, Darius.”

“It’s Denzel.” He deflated.

“Fuck,” she froze. She had been sure it was Darius. “Still, I’ll be back.”

“I’ll be here,” he responded, obviously upset by her slip-up.

Kayla hurried off down the stairs and leaned against the wall as she waited for either of the single-use restrooms to open up. She took a deep breath and opened her clutch, reaching in to pull out her phone with a shaky hand and typing in his number. It was one of the few she had memorized, just in case.

“You ok?”

Her thumb hovered over the send button, but she couldn’t press it. Her heart nearly thumped out of her chest at the thought of starting a conversation with him, but something within her said that she should. It would be weird not to say anything after all that, right?

“Hey-”

“Shit!” Kayla dropped her phone when his silky baritone graced her ears.

“My fault, ma.” Erik leaned over and picked the phone off the floor, checking it for cracks. He saw she had typed a message out to him and smirked before handing it back to her.

“T-thanks.”

“No problem. And, yeah, I’m ok.”

“Huh?”

Erik pointed at her phone screen.

“Oh! Right. Um, well, that’s good to hear.” Kayla attempted to push her hair behind her ear out of habit, forgetting she had just cut it all off a week ago.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You ok? You don’t seem to into ole dude out there.”

Kayla sighed and rolled her eyes, “Oh, him.”

“Damn, it’s like that?” Erik laughed, and she slapped his arm. That slight contact was enough to spark a flame in them both, and Erik’s face turned serious. “For real, though, not going well?”

“Better than you, it seems,” she quipped as she eyed his wet shirt. That was a bad idea because his first three buttons were undone, and she caught a peek of the raised scars that she missed so much. And that broad chest, and the chain with his father’s ring that he always wore. He’d let her wear it from time to time, and she always felt like it was such an honor. He trusted her enough to let her wear it. He loved her enough to-

Kayla pried her eyes away and made yet another mistake: she looked up at him. Those eyes still looked like sweet, sweet molasses, and even though his locs were braided back, she could tell he was letting them grow out. She momentarily wondered who was retwisting them nowadays, but her train of thought was cut short by the scent of sandalwood and vanilla. Kayla’s mind went blank as she inhaled slowly.

“Heh, yeah. That was...that was pretty embarrassing. Not even gonna lie.” Erik looked away shyly, unable to hold her gaze.

“I guess you’ll need to find a new date spot, huh?”

“Nah, I think I’m good on dating for a while.”

“Same,” Kayla sighed. “Dating sucks.”

“Yeah…”

One of the bathroom doors unlocked, and a middle-aged white man stepped out and passed them on the way up the stairs.

“Well, I should-”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

Kayla walked towards the bathroom, but before she could reach the door, she felt a light tug on her wrist. His touch still gave her goosebumps, and he noticed her raised skin as she turned to face him.

“I just, uh...it was nice seeing you, Kay-kay.” Erik smiled at her, and she nearly melted. She missed when he called her that, too. “You look good.”

“Thanks, E.” She smiled back. “So do you.”

He let her go, and Kayla disappeared into the bathroom. When she closed the door behind her, she took a deep breath to center herself. After all these months, Erik still took her breath away. He clouded her senses and scrambled her mind. Even as she took care of business, her brain replayed their short interaction on a loop.

Kayla locked eyes with her reflection as she dried her hands. How could she go back up there to- what’s his name? Oh, yeah, Da- Denzel. That’s it, Denzel. How could she go back up there to his mediocre company when the man she still loved had made her feel so alive with just one touch. That was the magic of Erik, his magnetism. When they were together, she couldn’t help but be drawn to him, even when she wanted to slap him across his beautiful face. Those were some of the best times, though. If she was angry at him, he knew exactly what to do to calm her down. To put her in her place. To remind her-

Kayla’s daydreaming was cut short by a knock at the door.

“Occupied!”

It came again.

“I’ll be out in a minute!”

She reached for another paper towel to dab off the sweat that had started to pool on her skin at the thought of Erik’s dominance when the door opened.

“What the f- Erik?!”

He pushed inside the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

“You need to start locking doors, Kay.”

“I- what do you want?”

“I want to talk to you,” he spoke as he moved closer to her.

“Here?!”

“Yeah, here,” he chuckled.

Kayla rolled her eyes and tried to push past him.

“Now is not the time or place-”

“When is?” he blocked her exit, and she crossed her arms in defeat, looking up at him through her lashes as she leaned against the sink. “Look, I just need to say something real quick.”

“Fine,” Kayla sighed and gestured for him to continue. She knew there was no use fighting him. She wasn’t leaving that bathroom until he was good and ready.

“Kay,” his voice softened, and she looked away only to have her face pulled back in his direction. “Kay-kay, look at me.”

She made the mistake of doing just that, getting lost in his eyes again.

“I miss you,” Erik murmured.

“Erik-”

“Look, I know, ok? I know. And I’m sorry, Kay. I really am- no, look at me. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you...but I miss you, girl.”

Kayla’s eyes welled up with tears that she tried her hardest to blink away, but one had the nerve to fall. Erik wiped it away, and the next one, and the next one. A sob wracked Kayla’s body, and he wrapped his arms around her body.

“Don’t cry, babygirl. I know you worked hard on your makeup.”

Kayla laughed through her tears, but the emotions washed back over her, and she buried her face into his chest. It was already soaked with gin, so what harm would a few tears do?

He held her and rocked her softly from side to side as she cried, and after a couple of minutes, she found the will to look up at him again. His cheeks were wet, so she reached up and swiped her thumbs over them as she held his face in her small hands. He nuzzled into them and kissed her wrists.

“I miss you, too, E,” she croaked.

“I know, babygirl.”

He leaned in to kiss her forehead, and she closed her eyes as his soft lips caressed her skin. They stayed intertwined for who knows how long until Erik felt Kayla begin to pull back. He looked down at her, and the two of them locked eyes. Before they knew it, their lips had met in the middle in a passionate embrace. They got lost in each other for a moment until common sense returned to Kayla, and she pushed him off.

“We can’t-”

“Why not?”

“Because…”

“Because what, Kay?” Erik’s voice rumbled as he closed what little gap was between their bodies. He left soft kisses on her temples before working down to her cheeks, then her jawline, and eventually the column of her neck. She let out a soft whimper when his teeth grazed the crook of her neck but pushed him back again before he could continue any further.

“Erik, I...I still love you, and-”

He attacked her lips with his, hands feverishly gripping her waist as he pushed her further into the sink. She had nowhere to go, and she was ok with that.

“I...love you...too...babygirl,” he whispered between kisses.

Kayla’s mind went blank as he lifted her up on the counter and pressed himself between her legs. She could feel him, all of him, and damn did she miss that monster between his legs.

“Erik,” she moaned as he nipped at her earlobe. He still knew how to play her body like a violin.

“Mmm, say it again.”

“Erik!” she squeaked as she felt his strong hands grip her thighs.

“Just like that,” he groaned, and she flooded her already wet panties.

“Baby-”

He connected his forehead to hers and stared deep into her eyes. “You miss me?”

“Mhm,” Kayla nodded with her lip between her teeth.

“I miss you, too, baby. I think about you all the time. Every day,” he pecked her lips, “every night. I miss everything about you, Kay-kay. Your off-key singing, your horrible cooking-”

“Shut up,” Kayla giggled as his hands traveled up her dress.

“Your body…fuck I miss this body. I miss how you smell, how you taste...how that tight little pussy feels wrapped around my dick.”

Kayla widened her legs for him as his fingers found their way to the seat of her panties, stroking up and down her slit. Erik kissed his way back down her face and over to her ear, his warm breath sending chills down her spine.

“Do you think about me when you touch yourself? Because I do. You’re all I see when I stroke my dick...wishing it was your hand...your lips...this fucking pussy.”

Erik pushed her panties to the side, and his nimble fingers circled her clit. Kayla let out a small moan that was music to his ears, making fingers move faster and her breath grow shallower with each rotation.

“Answer me.”

“Mhm.”

“Come on, babygirl, you can do better than that. You think about me when you play in your pussy? This pussy right here?” he asked as he slapped her vulva, her wetness sticking to his hand.

“Y-yes, baby-”

“Uh-uh, you know who I am. Say it,” Erik commanded as he snuck three fingers inside her wetness, making her moan loudly in his ear. “Shhh, you gotta be quiet, babygirl. You don’t want people out there knowing how much of a slut you are, right?”

Kayla shook her head no.

“That’s what I thought. Now, I asked you a question, Kayla,” he reminded her. His gruff voice made her weak, and the fingers that were steadily speeding up inside her certainly didn’t help. “Answer me. Who am I, babygirl?”

Kayla tried to hold out as much as she could. She didn’t want to say it, too proud to give in, but the way he was currently stretching out her pussy and curling his fingers inside her made her cling to his shoulders. The bastard knew what he was doing, and she didn’t want to let him win. But then, he played dirty and bit down on her neck. She cried out, and when he pulled back to look at her, the ferocity in his eyes drove her up the wall.

“I said, who the fuck am I, Kayla?” Erik growled. His hand sped up, making her weak with every thrust. She couldn’t hold it anymore and came undone around him, her mouth betraying her as his name fell from her lips.

“Daddy!” she gasped as her pussy spasmed, and he chuckled darkly.

“Damn right I am,” he kissed her lips, “now gimme that pussy. Daddy missed his pussy.”

Kayla heard a rip and felt the cool air between her legs as he tore through her panties to get to her treasure trove. She reached down between them and grabbed his clothed erection in her hand, making him groan as he bit down on his luscious bottom lip. She undid his belt buckle and slowly unzipped his pants before reaching in and pulling out his throbbing dick.

The longing in her eyes told him everything he needed to know, so he pushed her legs back and tapped his head on her clit.

“You want daddy’s dick in you?”

“Mhm,” she whimpered.

“Good.”

He pushed in and groaned at the feeling of her pussy walls gripping him as he sheathed himself inside her.

“Fuck, you feel like home.”

Kayla moaned into his neck in response and wound her hips against him, meeting him thrust for thrust as he stroked into her slow and deep. She couldn’t form words. He felt so damn good inside her that Kayla’s brain had short-circuited. Erik’s dick hit spots that she could never find herself no matter how hard she tried. Even in her dreams, he drove her body wild. She had spent the last year trying to find somebody, anybody who could make her feel that way, but nobody could compare to Erik Stevens.

Erik and Kayla panted heavily into each others’ mouths as he made love to her body, and as soon as Kayla started to tense up, his thrusts grew harder.

“I-I-”

“I know, babygirl. Daddy feels it,” he groaned as he nipped at her bottom lip. “Cum on my dick like a good girl.”

His words sent Kayla into overdrive, and her body shook as she spilled over him. Her spasming walls hugged him tight, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, begging him with her eyes.

“You feel amazing,” she moaned.

“Mhm. I know them other niggas wasn’t hitting it like this. I just know it. Look at you, cumming all over daddy’s dick. Look at it!” He grabbed her chin and made her look down at her throbbing pussy as his dick slid in and out of her.

“We look so good, daddy!”

Erik slammed into her, and she bit into his shoulder to keep from screaming. He gave her his all over and over, rocking the countertop in the process.

“We’ll look even better if you let me cum in this pussy. Mix my cum with yours-”

“Yes!”

“Yes?” He chuckled. “You want it that bad, huh? Nasty ass, in here getting fucked while that bum ass nigga’s waiting for you upstairs.”

“Mmm, I want it.”

“Want what, babygirl?” Erik teased as he brought his thumb to her clit, strumming it slowly as he thrust into her.

“You. I want you to cum deep in me.”

“Shit,” Erik groaned. “You want it deep in there?”

“Mhm. Put it where it belongs, daddy.” Kayla licked up the side of his neck, making his knees buckle. “Cum in your pussy.”

Erik lost all sense of control and pounded into her tight pussy, somehow getting even deeper in preparation for his release. Kayla held on tight as she felt him begin to spasm inside her, and she released around him again as his deep moans tickled her ear. Erik thrust extra deep and held his dick in place as he emptied his balls into her warmth, whimpering lightly as she rubbed his back to soothe him and bring him back down.

“I missed you, babygirl.”

“I missed you, too, daddy.”

They stayed like that, wrapped up in each other until their breathing slowed. Erik was the first to move, slowly pulling himself out of Kayla as she whined at the loss of contact. He kissed all over her face before planting a slow, sweet kiss on her lips.

“I can’t let you go again, Kay-kay,” his voice cracked as tears threatened to fall from his eyes again.

Kayla pulled him back in and kissed him so deeply that she nearly lost herself in him again, but he pulled away and looked her in her eyes.

“I’m serious, girl. I’ll do anything. I’ll marry you, give you as many big-headed babies as you want. Just, please, Kay-” she cut him off with another kiss to shut him up.

“We should go back to my place and talk,” she whispered, and Erik’s face lit up. Something about the way she said it, the way she kissed him, the way her body still responded to his...it gave him hope. Kayla smiled at him and pecked his lips once more before hopping off of the sink. He had to catch her because her legs were wobbly, and she stumbled a little in her heels.

“You aight?” he laughed.

“No, nigga,” she slapped his chest, and the two of them got caught in a laughing fit. They had really just fucked in the bathroom at Chez Martine. Kayla was on cloud nine until a thought occurred to her, and her face fell flat. “Oh, shit.”

“What?” Erik’s face turned serious, and his eyes scanned over her body, looking for whatever the problem was.

Kayla started giggling again, and he looked confused.

“What is it?” he asked, barely able to keep a straight face. Her laugh was always so infectious…

“Demetrius.”

“Who?!”

“My date.”

“Girl, don’t worry about him. He probably thinks you dipped out anyway.”

Kayla shrugged and fixed her dress as Erik stuffed his shirt back in his pants. They checked their reflections in the mirror, and Kayla was pleasantly surprised that her makeup was still intact thanks to that setting spray she had splurged on the other day.

“Ready?” Erik asked as he admired her beauty. Kayla nodded, and he unlocked the door, opening it to find Duncan leaning against the wall with a sour look on his face. Kayla’s eyes blew wide as she tried to figure out what to say to her date for the evening.

“Heyyy, um…”

“Denzel,” he seethed.

“Yeah, sorry. So, um, we’re-”

“Sorry, bruh,” Erik clapped him on the shoulder, “but we heading out. Bathroom’s all yours, though.”

Erik pulled Kayla along, and she sent Deion an apologetic glance before following Erik up the stairs. It seemed the whole restaurant knew what had occurred, but neither one of them cared. They were just happy to be around each other again. It had been entirely too long.

Taglist: @ladymac82, @kitesatforestp, @harleycativy, @raysunshine78, @maddeningmayhem, @theblulife, @motheroffae, @love-mesome-me,@toni9, @bribrisback, @impremenior, @blacklytical, @uzumaki-rebellion, @honeyandpeaches, @cecereads209, @wakandama2,

[chubbology]

Overindulged

prompt: feeder boyfriend quits his job and balloons as fat as his feedee/feeder girlfriend

He drove his sleek BMW up his driveway and into the middle garage just as dusk settled into night. He’d stayed overtime at work again, and to make it up to his girlfriend, three dozen fresh assorted donuts sat in the passenger seat.

Sure enough, immediately upon opening the back door with his stack of boxes, he heard her voice: “Late.”

“It’s the end of the month,” he said. “What do you expect? Brought you something though, so don’t be mad. Come in here.”

He set the boxes down on the granite island, then waited, sucking in a breath. His pupils dilated as his favorite person in the world waddled through the wide archway leading into the kitchen. After giving him a pout, she pulled the boxes toward her with arms that hung, at their heaviest, over half a foot with fat.

She was a beautiful, enormous woman. He had met her on a plane three years ago on a business trip to Paris. She’d pulled him into conversation like a warm whirlpool, and he’d listened in awe to her life story: miserable wife of a banker to a happily divorced entrepreneur, flying first class on her own dime.

With a smug, knowing smile, she talked about how she used to be skinny for her ex’s sake and now was free. He couldn’t help but let his gaze roam over her blatantly overweight body. Thighs pressing firm on either armrest of the wide seat, bust prominent and heavy, belly button deep and visible through her dress.

Bad news is, she’d concluded, I just settled a messy lawsuit that lost me my career and nearly bankrupted me. But she shrugged, as if such was life. I’m taking my last-hurrah vacation until I have no choice but to eat tiny, unsatisfying meals again.

He decided that couldn’t come to pass, so he spent as much time with her outside his business obligations as he could, taking her to meal after meal, falling in love as she ate to her heart’s content and shamelessly talked about how she’d rather fallen in love with gaining weight. It titillated and empowered her. By the end of their two week stay in Paris, she was twelve pounds bigger and he had invited her to live with him for a while as she looked for a new career path. She accepted.

Three years later, she’d found her calling without having to leave his luxurious, spacious home. Doing what she loved.

She was almost four hundred and fifty pounds now, last he was updated. She always wore leggings that clung to every lump and bulge of cellulite, and she liked to tease him by wearing crop tops, letting her massive belly and side rolls hang out and wobble as they pleased.

He watched with soft eyes as she stuffed herself with four jelly-filled doughnuts. Between bites she said, “These long hours at your soulless job are no good. My fans want to see more of you.” More eating. “The last time you fed me on camera was weeks ago!”

She gave him an imploring look as she ate a fifth doughnut. Boston creme. Her face, once conventionally pretty, now had a sexy overindulged look. She’d lost her jawline to additional chins and neck fat, and her round, fatty cheeks quivered as she chewed. Even before she finished the fifth doughnut, she picked up a sixth. “And don’t think they haven’t noticed that little tummy you have now.”

“What?” He looked down at himself, blushing at how his tie sat out a bit on slightly stretched white buttons.

Before he could say anything, she pushed a chocolate doughnut in his hand. “I know people willing to pay a pretty petty to see you chunk out.” She smirked. “Pop a couple of those buttons.”

He laughed dismissively, but as he ate the doughnut, he contemplated the press of his new chub against his shirt. His pants felt a little tight in the ass, too, now that he thought about it. What if? he thought.

Suddenly, he found himself admitting: “I’ve been thinking of quitting.”

Her eyebrows rose.

“I want to spend more time with you,” he explained. He hadn’t meant to talk about it now, but here he was. Out of nervousness, he pulled one of the boxes toward himself and picked another doughnut, this one caving in under its sprinkles. He took a heavenly bite. “I have plenty of money saved and invested to take care of both of us for a long time. I just don’t see why I…”

She waddled over to his side of the island and took his free hand. “You know I’d support you.” Then she pulled him closer, into a smiling kiss. “I’ll support you real good.”

*

Before his two week notice even ended, he was eight pounds heavier, and he relished how his coworkers’ eyes lingered on his burgeoning waistline. Soon, his tummy was pushing over his pants. His chest felt thicker. He felt his ass spread wider when he sat down. He ate desserts all the time, and his girlfriend lavished him with attention (food) at every opportunity when he was home, encouraging him to eat in amounts he’d never let himself eat before. She started filming - with his consent, as always - the development of his chubbing up. Her fans loved him even more than they already did, compliments coming in faster than he could read them.

One month into being an unemployed man, she stuffed him on camera until one of his shirt buttons popped off. The experience was more of a revelation for him than even becoming officially overweight; that night, after she went to sleep, he got out of bed, squeezed into an old pair of slacks that barely fit him, then gorged himself in the kitchen until he gasped at the relief of his ass seam tearing open, unable to accommodate his butt, which everyone online said was growing gorgeously fat. His heart fluttered just thinking about it, and he hoped his ass kept growing.

It did.

“I admit, I never thought you’d be this much of a pear,” his girlfriend told him, six months into his steady ballooning. They were admiring his progress in the large bathroom mirror. He may have looked small relative to his partner’s morbid obesity, but somehow, they were both more fascinated with his growth at the moment. She outlined his bottom heavy figure with her hands. Fat had indeed stored most eagerly in his ass, thighs, and hips. His belly drooped soft and wide.

“I love it,” she said. “Love everything about you.” But then something else came into her expression. “Except how you’ve stopped picking up after yourself.”

He swallowed, and said honestly, “Sorry. I know I’m getting lazier.”

“We’ll have to hire a maid.” She grinned wickedly. “Or do two pigs deserve to roll in their sty?”

*

A year into living on his passive income and her subscribers, the couple had not yet hired any cleaning services, and his country club house was...well. Not trashed, but messy and disorganized. She blamed the five pounds she’d lost over the past month on having to constantly throw his trash away. She punished him by making him stand while drinking a whole liter of full-sugar soda. Since he’d developed a strong distaste for any physical effort as he sunk deeper into obesity, he grumbled the whole time. When he finally fell back on the couch, she sat too. Together, they took up most of it. But while she looked perfectly composed, he was panting raggedly, slightly sweaty, a food stain on his pants.

“Look.” She reached out and held his chubby wrist. “I can tell that the fatter you get, the more your natural inclination is to be a pig.” She spoke with total matter-of-factness. As if the emergence of his inner pig was unsurprising and inevitable. “It’s not uncommon in men - that urge to oink and eat as a way of life. But we share this space. I help pay off this house. Please throw away your take out containers.”

Then she added, at his long-suffering sigh, “I’ll reward you.”

He met her gaze. “Tonight?”

“Tonight.”

*

This time, there were no cameras. There was just her, sitting on one side of their king bed and him on the other, breathing heavy, taking her reward one bite at a time.

Everywhere in their bed were containers and packages and napkins and soda bottles. He had eaten mexican and noodles and burgers and fries. He’d eaten candy bars and sundaes and milkshakes and chunky cookies. He was so full he could feel the skin of his belly stretching. He could practically feel the skin of his thighs stretching, as if they were filling up heavier with fat right then, as he was determinedly overfed. He swallowed another bite of greasy cheeseburger.

“Keep going. I can tell you're slowing down, but I’ll have none of that yet. I want to see progress from you.”

“I don’t know…”

“Do you want to feel the ecstasy of squeezing through a doorframe or are you going to plateau at being just fat?”

He let out a breathy moan as he ate another bite of the cheeseburger. His girlfriend knew him too well. She knew he liked the new challenges being big was causing him. She knew it turned him on that he sat so much fatter in his own car, belly pressing against everything, ass barely fitting at all. She knew his hands had begun cupping his hips as a half-unconscious habit, admiring his own width.

He liked how his thighs had to push past each other, jiggling every time. He even liked when he accidentally bumped into things, because it was a hot reminder that he wasn’t the same. He was like her now. He was fat. He was a pig. He wanted to eat and get so big he could barely even waddle. He wanted to squeeze through doorways. He wanted to get stuck.

“I want everything,” he said. And she smiled, temporarily pleased.

*

Thank you to the reader who commissioned this work!

I'd love to write more. Check me out <3 etsy.com/shop/Chubbology

[edenmemes]

horizon zero dawn starters

❝  you can sense it. you already know you’re going to lose.  ❞ ❝  did you want to be alone?  ❞ ❝  you wouldn’t be so eager to speak with me if you knew me.  ❞ ❝  that will draw attention. we won’t have this place to ourselves for long now.  ❞ ❝  it’s a world worth fighting for. not just here. everywhere.  ❞ ❝  trying to live up to glorious pasts has a way of getting people killed.  ❞ ❝  never celebrate a victory before it’s earned.  ❞ ❝  i crave vengeance. do you?  ❞ ❝  my comrades weren’t so lucky. i might shed a tear, if they weren’t all cutthroats and cheaters.  ❞ ❝  i’ll always have a minute for you. maybe even two.  ❞ ❝  you walk on the edge of life and death. i can tell.  ❞ ❝  what is a gift but an award you did not earn?  ❞ ❝  so many voices to listen to, it must make your head hurt. i promise my voice will be soft and soothing.  ❞ ❝  i wish i could borrow some of your courage now.  ❞ ❝  i’ve always wondered. are all your kind hunters and fighters, or just a few?  ❞ ❝  no one doubts your determination. but you need to rest.  ❞ ❝  a bold claim. i wonder if you’ll live up to it.  ❞ ❝  why would someone name a knife?  ❞ ❝  so you’re alive ! we should celebrate! drinks on me!  ❞ ❝  try not to forget me, while you’re out there saving the world.  ❞ ❝  when we spoke earlier, you winced, then looked like you were in pain - or frightened.  ❞ ❝  i’m really not one for crowds.  ❞ ❝  so - how are we gonna do that? oh, wait, i forgot. we won’t. i do all the dangerous stuff.  ❞ ❝  i knew there was something about you. hammered from the stuff they make leaders out of.  ❞ ❝  no matter what happens, i will not intervene. do you understand? you are on your own.  ❞ ❝  it’s always a pain in the neck when you show up, girl, one way or another.  ❞ ❝  you’re bleeding, let me have a look. here, hold still.  ❞ ❝  just don’t think this means i enjoy it.  ❞ ❝  i don’t want to jinx it, but we might be in the clear.  ❞ ❝  when i start a fuss, i like to finish it.  ❞ ❝  i promise to look solemn at your funeral before i hit the bar.  ❞ ❝  what could go wrong? turns out, a lot.  ❞ ❝  let me come with you! i won’t be a bother. i know how to stay out of sight.  ❞ ❝  now i’m supposed to fill ____’s shoes. and instead, here i am, stumbling around in them.  ❞ ❝  we need to talk - alone. and you need to pull it together.  ❞ ❝  i guess growing up means putting what you should do in front of what you want to do, right?  ❞ ❝  oh, are you going to shut your mouth now? because that would be a surprise.  ❞ ❝  i will come to you in secret. no one will see me, so i won’t get in trouble.  ❞ ❝  it looks like something chewed you up and spat you out.  ❞ ❝  these are the true wilds, with threats unlike any you have ever faced.  ❞ ❝  that moment the door opened and you were standing there, and the way you smiled... i had to look away or you were going to see. on my face. what had just... blossomed inside me, you know?  ❞ ❝  i’m not afraid of you - i’m not afraid of anything.  ❞ ❝  stop being evasive? you might as well tell me to stop being charming. it’s impossible.  ❞ ❝  what a waste. at least he died better than he lived.  ❞ ❝  i’ve been looking up at the stars a lot, and the only story i see written across them is that we are small and insignificant and will soon disappear with hardly a trace left behind. it’s a hard story, and i don’t like it much..  ❞ ❝  if i’m going to stand for something, it’ll have to be something i believe in.  ❞ ❝  the strength to stand alone, is the strength to make a stand.  ❞ ❝  soon it’ll all seem familiar. like home.  ❞ ❝  now i see that i was just lucky to get a minute of your time.  ❞ ❝  i know my duty to them - and to you. i’m here. and wherever you go...i will follow.  ❞ ❝  you're really good at making it impossible to like you.  ❞ ❝  i’ve missed our little talks.  ❞ ❝  will change happen at all, while men live in palaces?  ❞ ❝  confidence is quiet. you’re not.  ❞ ❝  you’re not a very convincing liar.  ❞ ❝  i already have all the friends i need. i don’t need the bother.  ❞ ❝  all right, cool your fire. i got nothing to hide.  ❞ ❝  i see you don’t recognize me. well, it was a long time ago.  ❞ ❝  you will turn back - or bleed. your choice.  ❞ ❝  when we met, i thought i was a big shot talking to a pretty girl hidden away in the middle of nowhere.  ❞ ❝  you would speak ill of the dead? truly you have no shame.  ❞ ❝  truth is, i get lonely once in awhile. there. i admitted it. don’t think less of me.  ❞ ❝  do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?  ❞ ❝  but i don’t know anyone here.  ❞ ❝  come on, stop. you’re going to make me tear up.  ❞ ❝  i feel like i should drop to my knees and worship you.  ❞ ❝  think i’m done? think again. i’ve gotten out of worse scrapes.  ❞ ❝  it’s hard to imagine where we’d be without you - and i don’t want to try.  ❞ ❝  if we’re to fight together on the brink of life and death, i’d prefer to do so with your forgiveness.  ❞ ❝  trust is for fools. it shifts and crumbles like sand.  ❞ ❝  what will you do while i risk my life?  ❞ ❝  you can smile, can’t you? ...no, that’s a grimace.  ❞ ❝  you killed that demon...pulled its guts from the carcass!  ❞ ❝  the sooner you’re gone from here, the better.  ❞ ❝  for now, all you need to know is that i’m a whisper of reason in this howling pit of insanity.  ❞ ❝  i heard the rumors, but i didn’t know for sure until saw you just now. i’m glad to see you’re okay.  ❞ ❝  no barrier can now stay you from your sacred task.  ❞ ❝  i won’t deny i risked your life. but it was the only way.  ❞ ❝  they can’t shoot if they’re dead. keep them busy, i’ll find an angle.  ❞ ❝  comforts are weakness.  ❞ ❝  as for honor, sacrifice-- true sacrifice, the kind rulers know nothing of -- it’s all a fat joke.  ❞ ❝  i’ve been sharpening my blade, anticipating the scent of the fight.  ❞ ❝  you’re not just a traveler. that armor was fitted for you. and the way you hold your bow...  ❞ ❝  i’d expect to see some tomatoes fly, maybe rocks. hopefully not spears. in any case, be ready to duck.  ❞ ❝  i’m not here for the price on your head.  ❞ ❝  for a moment, i was a child again, rapt from stories told by hunters at the campfire.  ❞ ❝  this...attachment to me will only hold you back.  ❞ ❝  whatever you do, don’t let their shabby looks fool you! they’ll kill you as soon as look at you.  ❞ ❝  i’m doing what i love. and what could be wrong with that?  ❞ ❝  when the arrowhead passes between armor and skin - that’s the place i belong.  ❞ ❝  right. why would i expect an answer? it’s so much more exciting to keep it all a mystery...  ❞ ❝  oh, it’s a story all right, but it takes a while to tell. maybe another time, over a drink or three?  ❞ ❝  why are you talking like we’ll never see each other again?  ❞ ❝  i’ll wager you don’t scare easy - it’s a good quality.  ❞ ❝  there will be people celebrating, and feasting. more than you've ever see in one place.  ❞ ❝  i didn’t bring you here to answer questions. i brought you here to deal with that.  ❞ ❝  ...you’ve...put a lot of thought into this.  ❞ ❝  i do not want to hear this talk from you again. doubt is heavier than a week’s snow.  ❞ ❝  bandits are drawn to here like infection to a wound.  ❞ ❝  i guess you’re doing the right thing for the wrong reason.  ❞ ❝  i thought you and i were agreed: only enjoy the killing as much as the challenge.  ❞ ❝  rumors spread like blood.  ❞ ❝  they would steal from us, chase us through the night, laughing.  ❞ ❝  leave it too long, your fingers itch for the bowstring.  ❞ ❝  you’re strong, shrewd, capable... i could use someone like you on my side.  ❞ ❝  you defeated it? alone?  ❞ ❝  grasp your grief. and kill it.  ❞ ❝  at least i’ll have a fire to keep me company.  ❞ ❝  only survivors scar. after everything you’ve been through, you keep going.  ❞ ❝  just stop being evasive and tell me who you really are.  ❞ ❝  i don’t mind putting my worthless ass on the line. but not yours.  ❞ ❝  i’m not here to intrigue you.  ❞ ❝  how about you? who do you think i am? what will you remember of me? ❞ ❝  everything freezing. the ground, the air... me.  ❞ ❝  you lost someone you care about. that leaves a wound. the sort of wound a lot of people don’t recover from.  ❞ ❝  the only thing i know i’m still fighting for is...you.  ❞ ❝  i didn’t earn this mercy, but i will die to make myself worthy of it.  ❞ ❝  to say you have my gratitude feels woefully insufficient. you saved my life.  ❞ ❝  makes you wish you could kill them more than once, doesn’t it?  ❞ ❝  why did you act so strange when we spoke earlier?  ❞ ❝  being smart won’t count for nothing if you don’t make the world a better place.  ❞ ❝  to serve a purpose greater than yourself...that is the lesson you must learn.  ❞ ❝   if a big, meaningful talk is what you’re after, move along.  ❞ ❝  that carcass! what sort of beast was that?  ❞ ❝  what are you doing out here all alone? where are your men?  ❞ ❝  you’ve obviously heard of me. you know what i’m capable of. why do you think this will turn out well for you?  ❞ ❝  there’s so much to discover before the world ends.  ❞ ❝  i couldn’t wait to see you again. it’s like...i’m dead and only come alive when i’m here with you.  ❞ ❝  some even say you have a conscience. how extraordinary!  ❞ ❝  do you always accuse people you’ve just met of lying?  ❞ ❝  if you ever visit, look me up. i’ll show you around, make introductions. it’d be a whole new life, if you want it.  ❞ ❝  it had a name once, not that it matters now. i was born there.  ❞ ❝  i always knew you were different... i think you’re a blessing.  ❞ ❝  no one hears your prayers anyway.  ❞ ❝  this place is difficult even for the prepared.  ❞ ❝  i underestimated you. i won’t make that same mistake again.  ❞ ❝  oh. is that supposed to sound scary or something?  ❞ ❝  look, maybe i shouldn’t say this, but it’s obvious that you don’t belong in this... backwater.  ❞ ❝  were you kept hidden away? did you have overprotective parents or something?  ❞ ❝  hmph. don’t go soft on me.  ❞ ❝  i prefer the company of spirits. or my own.  ❞ ❝  blood spilled calls for blood spilled! if the ground is cursed, then let our vengeance sanctify it.  ❞ ❝  so many people here, all talking at once. how does anyone think?  ❞ ❝  why is it that every time something bad happens to you, someone else tells you something bad that happened to them, as if that makes it any better?  ❞ ❝  i’ve never seen armor like yours.  ❞ ❝  the wrongness here jags at me like an arrowhead.  ❞ ❝  when you found me, i was trying to eke out a glorious death. but now a glorious life seems more preferable.  ❞ ❝  tomorrow, may the sun rise on the world.  ❞ ❝  you saved my epitaph from being ‘a fine soldier but a fool of a man’.  ❞ ❝  i don’t think i know you at all. but i’d like to.  ❞ ❝  i don’t like this. it feels...wrong.  ❞ ❝  oh, i’m grateful for this wound. it’s a lesson i won’t forget.  ❞ ❝  you’re a clever one. but not so clever as to heed my warning, i see.  ❞ ❝  not everyone follows the law like you do.  ❞ ❝  how many times have i pulled you from danger by your neck? made excuses for your behavior?  ❞ ❝  for what it’s worth, i’m glad you’re coming with me.  ❞ ❝  what have i ever given you but struggle?  ❞ ❝  it’s starting to feel real, you know? that we might actually get out of this place.  ❞ ❝  i’ve never been part of anything. i serve my own interests. always.  ❞ ❝  i apologize for my...behavior. i thought i was dead.  ❞ ❝  look, i don’t even know your story. must be a good one. if you ever feel like telling it, look me up.  ❞ ❝  when my anger has thawed, i will feel nothing.  ❞ ❝  i can’t remember when i had this much fun! i should be thanking you!  ❞ ❝  you gave him a quicker death than he deserved.  ❞ ❝  that...could be the last creepy thing you’ve said to me.  ❞ ❝  something’s really bothering you. if you think i’m gonna abandon you, you’re wrong.  ❞ ❝  surprised you saw me, the way you keep looking every other direction to make sure no one’s watching. careful there, or you’ll sprain your neck.  ❞ ❝  remember how the blood pounded in your ears? they’ll ring later, in the calm. it’s a call to arms, from your inner desires.  ❞ ❝  ___’s dead. i was ready to go through anything to make that happen. and i did.  ❞ ❝  is there a reason why you’re acting so cranky today?  ❞ ❝  you hold your grief close, like a tailsman.  ❞ ❝  i hope you can find peace.  ❞ ❝  you don’t know who i am, do you?  ❞ ❝  you know there’s always been dirt on my hands. now there’s blood too.  ❞ ❝  i want to be strong like you. but...  ❞ ❝  i hadn’t given up on hope, but i’ve forgotten the taste of it.  ❞ ❝  just...don’t start singing again.  ❞ ❝  you’re sparing me? after all i’ve done?  ❞ ❝  i don’t intend to die today.  ❞ ❝  it will take many good deeds to make up for the crimes you’ve committed.  ❞ ❝  but why should you have justice, and not me?  ❞ ❝  such a voice... a cold, awful jangle that scrapes your bones and hollows your guts.  ❞ ❝  one more word, and i’ll throw you in jail myself.  ❞ ❝  only in the struggle against death do we find, even for a moment, the spark of life.  ❞ ❝  the war changed you. changed us both. we’re not kids anymore.  ❞ ❝  i can’t sleep, i can’t breathe knowing you could be out there...hurting...  ❞ ❝  now i’m left to wear my sins. for me, at least, they hang heavy.  ❞       ❝  but what does a girl like you know of loss?  ❞ ❝  it’s a good thing you’ve got brains. because your personality could use some work.  ❞ ❝  i was going to ask you to leave with me...to go somewhere out in the sun where no shadow could reach us.  ❞ ❝  they didn’t need to disgrace my name. i did it myself, serving a rotten throne. ❞ ❝  you don’t approve? well, i have a secret for you. neither do i.  ❞ ❝  perhaps you are not an evil man. just a weak one.  ❞ ❝  losses can feel... overwhelming. but they remind us of our connections to others.  ❞ ❝  i don’t exactly see anyone beating down the door to spend time with you.  ❞ ❝  if i had known, i would never have spoken to you.  ❞ ❝  forge a new life. one of better make.  ❞ ❝  impossible odds, fine company, killing without consequence --- how could i resist?  ❞ ❝  look at me. i can’t imagine how you’re feeling, but you don’t have to go through it alone.  ❞ ❝  i wish i had known, all this time, what you were going through.  ❞ ❝  i’m with you. until the end.  ❞ ❝  i thought you just wanted to have tea and conversation! is there a battle coming? i wasn’t informed!  ❞ ❝  we’ve only met a few times, and yet you know me so well.  ❞ ❝  are you going to drive me off, too? it’s okay. i’ve dealt with worse.  ❞ ❝  now i know the kind of person i want to be, watching you.  ❞ ❝  it’s so...bittersweet. like a smile through bloodied teeth.  ❞ ❝  i swear i saw my ancestors... they said: ‘we’re not surprised to see you here’.  ❞ ❝  more mercenaries? what kind of person sells their loyalty?  ❞ ❝  keep moving or you’ll die!  ❞ ❝  this is the kind of place you’d take someone if you want to lose them forever.  ❞ ❝  if that’s destiny, i wouldn’t wish it on anyone.  ❞ ❝  i’ve thought about what you said. every time, the wound you gave me caught on my ribs.  ❞ ❝  i’ve never seen such disregard for personal safety.  ❞ ❝  the most important thing is what you’re not like - your father.  ❞ ❝  i’m never lonely where there’s killing to be done.  ❞ ❝  my past - and my secrets - are my own. you’ll do well to remember that.  ❞ ❝  only to you do i extend the courtesy of a warning.  ❞ ❝  if the war’s not over, i’m not done.  ❞ ❝  a long kiss, the best kind... i can still remember the feel of your hand on the back of my neck.  ❞ ❝  it would be a worse fate to bow our heads to the challenge and say, ‘too much’.  ❞ ❝  let’s not say farewell. i’ve had enough of that to last me a dozen winters.  ❞ ❝  have your wounds even had time to heal?  ❞ ❝  you can stop worrying. the secret’s safe with me.  ❞ ❝  just to be clear, i have no plans to murder you, alright?  ❞ ❝  you’re an idiot. a dangerous idiot, but an idiot.  ❞ ❝  i’m kicking myself for not seeing your potential from the beginning.  ❞ ❝  for your sake, you must go where you will never find me. this is goodbye.   ❞ ❝  so that’s what this is? a tantrum? a cry for attention?  ❞ ❝  change won’t come in a single sunrise.  ❞ ❝  this place may not seem like much, but we’ll make the best of it.  ❞ ❝  no murderers here, if that’s what you’re asking.  ❞

[therealieblog]

An open letter to Rebel Wilson

When I saw that you had lost a lot of weight, I was disappointed, but I wasn’t surprised. I know exactly why you did it, and it wasn’t really about wanting to have healthy children. Even implying that fat women have unhealthy children is so messed up, but that isn’t your fault. None of this diet bullshit is your fault. You are a beautiful, talented comedic actor in Hollywood. Of course there will be boatloads of pressure on you to lose weight. Especially because you’re beautiful. I’m certain the comments of “you’d be a knockout if only you lost weight” aren’t new to you. I heard those comments all my life. 

And then I decided to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. You know, the ole DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT decision, where you think ‘I’m sick of being fat and invisible and no one finding me attractive.’ Where your doctors are pressuring you with threats of future health issues that maybe aren’t even happening currently. Where your friends and family and the media and medical professionals all think you’d do well to make yourself smaller. 

So you work out day and night. You cut out carbs and obsess over calories and sugar and you stop eating pizza unless it’s one or two small pieces, made using a cauliflower crust. 

You eventually succeed in making yourself small enough, and everyone congratulates you. At last, you can be truly beautiful! At last you can be truly sexy! 

I know why you did it. As I’ve just said, I did it too. I went from 235lbs to 155lbs back in 2008-2009. I worked out, swore off carbs, drank loads of water, and obsessed over every piece of food I put in my mouth, and I became thin! 

I won’t lie. The privilege that became available to me immediately upon losing weight was astounding. Men checked me out constantly. People complimented me constantly. Everyone told me I was so “good” and “healthy” and “strong” and “beautiful” and “hot”. 

People asked me what my secret was, but we all know, there’s no secret. It’s just starvation and exercise. Starvation and exercise makes humans lose weight. It worked in concentration camps in WWII, and it works on teen girls who get the advice from Cosmo magazine, and were you to end up stranded somewhere with no food, like on a desert island or in a POW camp, it would work there too. There’s no real trick to losing tons of weight. You just need a lot of obsessive drive, and to devote almost every waking moment of your life to it for a few months to a year, and bam! You too can be thin!

You may even be able to keep it off. Very few people do, (around 5%) though famous actors tend to have a better chance, being that there’s so much pressure on them to maintain weight loss, and they have access to personal trainers and high end diet programs and nutrition coaches etc. Most normal folks though, end up endlessly shrinking and growing, thinning and thickening as the years go by. Because the first major diet always works. It always does. It’s like that first hit of a hard drug will always feel the best. Thing is, it gets harder and harder to maintain. Why? Because human beings love to eat. It’s what keeps us alive and gives us pleasure. Our brains are uniquely set up to find, eat and enjoy food so that we don’t die of starvation. 

Your body will fight you. It will increase your hunger hormones and make you obsess over food. It will send tendrils of temptation from plates of high fat, high starch, high sugar foods in an attempt to get you to eat more. Please don’t be angry with it. Don’t hate your body for fighting you. It is only trying to save your life. It is a blind organism that operates on hundreds of thousands of years of instinct, and it wants you to eat. 

Right now, you are on top of the world. A loving partner. Applause from the media. Lots of young girls seeing you as their starvation role model. Right now, everything is great. And it might stay that way. You might be able to fight your body successfully enough to hold onto that weight loss indefinitely. You might be one of the 5% who does that. If you want that, and it’s worth the sacrifices you’ll need to make to stay there, to stay thin, then best of luck. 

But, if you catch yourself “slipping”, “cheating” or doing any of the other horrible things that involve re-feeding your starving body, please know that you are beautiful and worthwhile, and that you can be perfectly healthy while also being fat. It is OK. You can eat more vegetables and whole grains and still go to the gym as much as you want, while being fat. You can have pizza and donuts and cookies and chocolate and still be healthy. This isn’t a black and white game where you must starve yourself down to a small size to gain health. 

I admired you so much for staying in your body. For staying fat. You were funny, but also sexy and beautiful. I thought ‘What an amazing woman. She’s fat and hot and funny and she’s such an incredible role model for body positivity’.

When I saw that you’d lost weight, I was not surprised, but I was disappointed. It happens over and over. A fat woman with a lot of talent becomes famous and bends to the pressures to lose weight. Even if it feels like it’s for good reasons (to not die young from some horrible condition people are convinced is intrinsically linked to fatness, or to have “healthy children”) it is almost always because fatphobia is woven into every aspect of our lives like a toxic thread. It’s almost always because we’ve been taught that fat is disgusting, unhealthy and wrong. 

I still love your comedy. You still crack me up, and you are still beautiful. I only wish you hadn’t believed the diet culture message. I wish it hadn’t infected you with this dissatisfaction with yourself. If some day in the future, if you end up in an endless struggle against your body’s needs in order to stay thin, I hope that you find true body positivity and true health outside of starvation and intense exercise. I hope you find happiness. Just know that if you gain weight back, you are NOT a failure. Diet culture has failed you, but you haven’t failed at a single thing. 

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Red hair as roses, and turquoise eyes as orchids

"Dada look!" The bored and depressed blue eyes stood up from his lap to his 6 years old daughter, extending her tiny hands up high in the air.

"Be careful with what you're gonna do pretty doll." He manage to smirk a bit as she pouted, strands of red brushing against her forehead until a huge wave of flames of the colour blue danced around her hands until she jumped and a small prinkle of flames were throw in the air.

She laughed at the sign and clapped her hands in glee at her own little show as Dabi let out a chuckle at seeing the happines of his daughter... instead of him, Emika had the blessing of having a body that could tolerate the heat enough of his quirk that she inherited it from him. Your quirk itself being a huge help for the little girl to not have scars as her father's.

"Did you see Dada?! It was soooo huge and beautiful!!!" She ran towards him only to trip and thankfully landed on the brunette male's lap, giggling with a smile so bright that could've hury his eyes.

"Hmm. Almost like mine princess, im impressed." His hands carresed her chubby cheeks until he heard murmuring behind them.

Of course. Even with his disguise, that were people whose were going to mutter, say bad things... he lost count on how many times Emika had been bullied because her quirk was similiar with the most cruel and wanted villain....

And much to his dismay, Emika didn't take that... very well.

"WHAT ARE YOU WHISPERING ABOUT?! LEAVE US ALONE!" the little girl shouted and the adults only scoffed, picking up their kids and getting out of the park.

"You're going to scare off anyone with that attitude of yours princess." He muttered while carresing her red hair and picking her up as she scoffed.

"They cant say bad things about MY dada!" He smiled at the little girl and sighed.

"Yeah yeah, just lets get out of here before you burn things down."

"Thats something you would do!" She poked his scarred cheek. "Ne ne dada? We gonna visit mama right? I want to bring flowers to her this time!"

His eyes dropped at the ground as his feet carried them to the cemetery...

"We can arrange that."

.

.

.

"Mama was so pretty!!!" Emika squealed as Spinner and Toga showed her some photos as Dabi stared holes into their skulls.

Is not that he didn't wanted his daughter to forget or to not know about her mother... but it was painfull enough to have a father as a villain, now being a mother orphan was just more harder.

Emika couldn't go to school without being recognized as Dabi's daughter. So he brought himself the task to teach her things , being thankfull to his past self that he had studied enough.

"Yeah and she was strong as fuck too according to your dad there." Spinner grinned, showing a picture of you pinning down a hero on the middle of the street.

"Emika-chan, despite not meeting (Y/n) you look so much like her!" Toga beamed with a smile, fangs showing and the little girl giggling when Dabi just yanked her away from the two.

"Naaaaaa dada no bed time!" She squirmed as he carried her to now the comfortable room the league gotten ever since the incident with Shigaraki and Redestro.

"Dont complain or else Im going to take away your toy." He grumbled as the girl gasped and pouted at him much like you would do.

"You wouldn't!" She defies him with a cheeky smile although while settling down on the bed she shared with him.

"Try me." He smirked with a atched eyebrow making her laugh.

Some time passed and Dabi watched as the eyelids of Emika slowly dropped until she called him softly.

"This place we are now... we gonna stay or are the bad man breaking it and we have to move again?" His heart clenched.. she still had the memories when the league had captured that blonde kid and the heroes busted the bar...

With her own view, she saw the villains as the good and normal people despite Toga being a crazy assasin that loved drinking blood, Shigaraki a men that only wanted to destriy the world, Twice a bipolar man and the list goes on...

Emika saw the villains as good people, and the heroes as bad ones... after all, after she found out on her own that her mother died not because of childbirth, but because of a hero that accidentally killed her with a much too strong attack... and only because she wanted to protect the baby on her arms at that time.

So much blood dropped from his eyes... some even dropping on your lifeless body and on the crying baby he soon noticed that thankfully was alive.

He would never forget whem he craddled the baby on his arms and sobbed deyly as his child wailed at not having the warmth of her mother anymore.

Things were tough until they found the league of villains and had at peast a place to crash.

Emika was now soudly asleep as he sighed and brushed his hair.

"When the heroes come to us... I will make sure yoi stay outta of the mess Emika. But you will not like to know the truth about our origins..." he muttered as a scarred hand brushed her bangs and smirked when she nuzzled on his hand... reminding him of how you would nuzzle on him on cold nights...

"Time to sleep off huh? The more we sleep, the pess we have to face the reality." He muttered before laying down and bringing her close to his chest.

.

.

.

"Dada..." she whimpered as fat tears fell feom her turquoise eyes as she tremblingly holded the box of paper towels, helping him clean off the blood from his stapples as he took a final look on the mirror, his white hair finally at show for the first time in so many years.

"Hey," he crouched down and made his best to not wince "I'm fine. Daddy is used to this by now and-"

"bUT I'M NOT!" she yelled and punched his chest with her tiny fist as he frowned and holded her as she sobbed on his chest.

"...Is it true..?" He looked down at the tuff of red hair on his chest "That uncle Twice is not coming back..? That.. T-That grandpa did this to you..m that we are from the family of E-Endeavour?"

He frowned and wiped her tears away as she holded his wrist while sobbing at the loss of Twice, whose always played and made silly faces with her on spare times.

"Yeah... Im sorry for not telling you... but I thought that... Me and your mother actually decided that Emika (L/n) was better than puttingnon a fake and... well, not right name on yours."

"... which hero... killed... mama..?" His heart stopped... should he reaally tell her? She was only a baby of five years.. five fucking years... he was already damaged by society, but her was just a little flower growing...

"Princess.. I-"

"Who?!" She sobbed as his eyes dropped, a heavy sigh as he dinally sit down on the edge of the sofa as he put his hand on his face as the other helped her sit on his lap.

"... your grandpa."

.

.

.

Emika cried heraelf to sleep that night. Wailing that she hated the heroes, that she hated Endeavour, that she hated him for not telling her the truth for so long, that she hated having fo be a Todoroki.

Each word was a spike to his chest as he tried and eventually succeed on calming her down enough, from harsh sobs and eails to soft sniffles and the rest of the tears she had to sheed.

He hugged her just a bit tighter that night as one drop of blood fell from his eyes.

"I thought I could do it (Y/n)... I fucking promised you... but... fuck." He bited his bottom scarred lips to contain a whimper "Everything is just the worst now... why did you have to be so goddamn stubborn and risk your life dammit..."

.

.

.

"Is your fourth bowl of ice cream ya know?" Dabi muttered from his place on the miserable yet comfy apartment you two shared as you stared back at him with a spoonfull of your favorite ice cream on hand close to your mouth.

"I have the right. I'm pregnant. Leave me be." You made a show of putting the spoon on your mouth and moaning out loud as Dabi shooked his head in dismay before taking a place on your side ofbthe couxh before you two cringed at the sounds of the old mobile almost creaking.

"We need to got money to find a new couch." You muttered horrified, just apmost ending all of your money on baby supplies and clothes.

"Or I can just steal one." He smirked at the slight slap you gave to him.

"And have shitty heroes coming our way later? Nu uh mister... maybe just rob a bank though." You muttered before both of you chuckled as you laid your head on his shoulder as he subconsciously placed his hand on the sweel of your stomach and felt a kick already.

"She is going to be a daddy's girl. Im so sure of it." You giggled as he arched an eyebrow.

"How cam you say this already? We dont even know if it is a girl of a boy doll."

"I know is a girl. I just know it. And she has already a favorite parent." You carresed your belly just besides where Dabi's hand was layed on.

"You're exaggerating." He chuckled as he felt another kick "They are going to be a nasty oen though, they kick alot."

"She kicks a lot when your nearby or talking to her. Just like I said, a daddy's girl." You smiled sweetly at him and he never felt so happy...

He looked at your lips for a second as you narrowed your eyes playfully at him before your lips almost touched-

.

.

.

He woke up with a hand tapping on his cheek and soon saw his daughter looking down at him with a pout.

"Can we go walk?" She almost whimpered as he could only stare and slowly nod as he caught his disguise and a very own for her.

.

.

.

She clunged to the black bunny plushie as she walked with pinks connected to him as he stated down at her in worry until she gasped at a convenience store.

"Dada! Snickers!" She pointed as he smiled at seeing a bit of bright on her eyes once again.

"How about we get some, eh?" She nodded with a small smile and soon followed her dad inside.

While she waited for Dabi to get the snacks and pay for them, for once, she gasped when a purple haired boy at the same age as her bumped accidentaly to her making her plushie drop.

"Hey!" She called out with tears on her eyes, being emotionally damaged enough for those past days.

"I'm sorry." The boy said immediatly, kneeling and grabbing the plushie to hand it to her "Its yours?" He tilted his head as Emika grabbed immediatly.

"Of course it was! It was with me until you bunped on me!" Emika slowly dropped her tone of voice at seeing how the purple haired boy seemed genuily sorry as he aproached and bowed once again.

"Sorry, I just am here to grab some medice and a chocolate for my mom and dad. They're both sick and they dont know i went out so I needed to hurry." He smiled as Emika soon dropped slowly her guard down as she muttered.

"Is okay... is just that bunny is speacial to me."

"I can see why. Your mama gave it to you right." Her turquoise eyes widened as she frowned her eyebrows at the boy.

"Kinda of..?" She clinged to the toy "Why do you that?"

He closed his eyes with a tiny giggle.

"Well, she told me as soon as you started to tear up. She is always by your side aparently." Emika eyes darkned and she let go of one hand of the plushie to heat up her hand.

"Say that one more time. I dare you. My mama is not here." She almost cried until the purple boy touched her forehead with two fingers and soon she was not more in the grocery store, but in a blank space.

"HEY YOU!" she shouted "THIS IS NOT FUNNY LET OUT YOU FUCK-"

"Geez, daddy did not spare you of curse words then?" She froze and looked behind her and saw the sane woman Dabi showed photos of and was compared whenever she was laughing or making a trick on others.

She froze for a bit before silently tears started to fall and she hiccupped for a bit before dropping her bunny and running to you as you hugged her tightly.

"Mama! I cant believe-! Is you-! I-I-" she hicupped as you wiped her tears with your thumb and let some of your own fall.

"You're take so much of your dada im so happy... My little girl is just so beautiful..." you whispered as she sobbed while wiping her tears with her sleeve.

"D-Dada!" She gasped before smiling widely and grabbing your sleeve "Dada needs to see this! Mama he misses you a lot he need to see yo-"

"Im sorry princess..." you grabbed her cheek softly "I wanted to see your daddy just as much, but I cant...." her face fell a bit but soon nodded while playing with your fingers and hair.

"Mama? Why did you do it?" You hummed as she looked up hesitantly "Why did youbleave dad? Why... you took.. Endeavour attack..?" She asked sadly as you furrowed your eyebrows but soon closed your eyes and smiled.

"Emika... the day you were born was the day I was gone as well... but when I saw your grandpa recognizing me as a villain and blasted an attack close to where you were... I just had to. I had to protect the feuit of love that me and your father made..." you smiled sadly as she sniffed.

"But you arent with us..." she almost sobbed until you made her look up.

"Emika... Im so sorry for the loneliness you had to endure... the pain... that was the only dowside of the decision I made. My swest little girl..." you cuppex her cheek and wiped a tear "Thank you for letting me be your mother, and Touya for being your father..."

You touched your forehead with her as she noticed your body was slowly turning to tiny hints of lights and fireflies.

"Mama..?" She looked at you crying softly as you kissed her forehead.

"Emika, evertime you see a star in the dark sky it will be me watching over you and your dada... and please understand one thing," you got away from her as your hair floated majestically "Dying for you, was a noble sacrifice I did for love..."

She widened her eyes as she grabbed your hands as you giggled at her expression.

"Say to dada Im watching him too, and that loving him were the happier moments I spend... I love him and always will...after all, he is my canolli, dead or not, okay?"

The littpe girl gasped and looked at the place she was, the grocery store and the boy from earlier retracting his hand with a unsure littpe smile.

"It was your quirk... you... you made me talk with my mama." She says outstruck as the boy giggled but soon gasped at looking the time.

"I have to go! But I hope we meet again." He ran to the door with the bags before looking one more time behind to her "Call me Akira! See you soon Emika-chan!"

She stood there in complete shook before brushing her fingers on the tingling spot you had kissed on her forehead before smiling widely and giggling before knocking her daddy's leg as he grunted.

"Emika what the-"

"Mama is watching us!" She bounced up and down as he atood with a 'what the fuck' expression.

"What the hell Emika?" He grabbed the packs and carried her as he walked on the street.

"Mama said your name is Touya dada! Which I found strange at first but anyway! She kissed my forehead! Hugged me and said how much she loves me and you and is watching us! She is a star dada! A star!!"

His eyes widened. Emika didn't hear his speech to Endeavour. Emika didn't know his real name was Touya instead of Dabi as the league called him... so she was not imagining neither making things up.

"..so you saw mama?" She giggled and nodded while boucing on his arms. "... did she say something else?" He asked hopefully and she smiled widely as much as you would do.

"She said loving you was the most happier she got! And that your are her canolli forever!"

His steps faltered and almost that he dropped his daughter as his eyes widened... only you knew that god for saken nickname you gaved to him...

"Dada?" His daughter words and hands on his cheeks made him ho back to reality as he saw the blood on his little girl's fingers and worried expression "Are you crying..? Dada?"

"Heh..." he wiped with one thumb the blood before smilling at her and continuing walking "Nah. Must be one of my staples..." he stared up as his daughter rested her face on his neck. "Mama is a star then?"

"Ya.." she yawned "Watching us... I bet she is that one." The little girl pointed at the shiniest star on the sku as Dabi smiled...

"Yeah... I also bet on that one."