#Stan and Snatcher

[cheetospuffsgoods]

Kids selling their souls to shadow spirits is my favorite genre of game

(Snatcher is trying to take aris soul too because he’s big and greedy)

[darkmedolie]

It's 2am now I go sleep-

I made him in one day

[tiramegtoons]

[shamrockqueen]

Holy is the lamb Chapter 1

Pairing : Dark priest Bucky x innocent nun reader

Warnings : R18, Possession, horror, eventual Smut

Word count : 1049

Bucky Masterlist

Kinktober masterlist

You hear it echoing somewhere deep in the never-ending folds of your dreams. A low melodic purr, humming along the corners of your mind and making your ears twitch. It called out to you, pulling you towards it along an unseen string.

“Hello, little one.” Like a bittersweet syrup on the tip of your tongue, the voice is thick and heavily alluring. “Come to me, and all will be at ease."

Further and further into the void, it seemed to drag you to it. It surrounded and consumed everything around your little spark of consciousness.

The breath seemed to be forcibly pulled from your body while you were in this deepened state of sleep. The color draining from your skin, and a terrible sweat overtook you.

Your body begins to shake as a terrible fit overtakes you. It alerts the other sleeping women in the dormitory, making them all circle you like scared chickens clucking around a rabid fox.

Your tongue knots behind your teeth as a surge of some unspeakable language forces itself out of your mouth.

One woman cradles your head in her hands as others try to hold down your thrashing limbs, and another runs from the room to alert the priest.

The other sisters screamed at you in the hopes of pulling you from this fit, but you only convulsed in their arms as they sobbed for you.

He came rushing in with a few of the sisters in tow to find you like this. They all called to him to help you as he approached, staring into your widening black pupils as they ate the once vivid colors of your eyes.

“Everyone! Get back now!” His voice rang through the room, only to be met with sheepish looks as the sisters didn’t want to let you go.

“I said get back!” He nearly tore their hands from your arms before talking you into his to pull you from the bed. You were still kicking and flailing, but his hold remained firm around you as he ushered you from the dormitory.

Your vision was gone; you were barely holding onto your other senses when the once sweet voice began bellowing around you with indecipherable chanting spilling around your mind like a flood of hot, suffocating tar, clogging your voice and gluing your limbs to your sides. It laughed at you and taunted you as it twisted around your subconscious like a vile snake.

Your kicking body was taken away to a safe room where you could be tied to an infirmary bed as you thrashed painfully against the rough ropes. The other nuns were told to stay away as the candlelight began to flicker within the small room. The door was locked, and your beloved priest held his hands high above you and began to speak. But his words were strange and nearly unintelligible as they poured from his lips.

The black clouds overtook your little subconscious entirely as he spoke. Cold, icy blue eyes flashed through the mire of black within your mind as every breath was sucked from your lungs.

Your skin is sickly, graying, and dusty, like your soul was bleeding out of your body to pool around on the floor below the table. You felt suffocated, dying as this strange entity squeezed the life from your very bones until you were completely engulfed by its influence. The last of your fleeting thoughts and fears were left to disappear in its wake.

The last thing to be heard is the once-sweet voice of your dear priest echoing out into the endless distance of your mind as if it were stolen from you. His arms opened up through the fog to welcome you into his safe embrace. His cooling blue eyes made your body feel a strange sort of numbness as your little mind ran right to him. When you collided with his hold, you seemed to feel every ounce of his being, from the soft strands of his dark, walnut hair to the vigorous beating of his heart as it shot hot blood throughout his body.

You disappeared inside of him, the black clouds behind him rising up into a mighty maw before slamming overtop of you both, severing your subconscious from your feeble little body. You fell headfirst into that abyss, your body bowing outward from the bed and pulling painfully against the restraints as everything was stolen from you. Eyes flooding over with those same black tendrils, like the sharp legs of spiders digging in through each tiny vein, before fading out to hide themselves and returning to copy your natural iris color on a white background.

Your body throws itself back down onto the tense plush of the stiff bed. Your eyelashes flutter as you take in the room.

His eyes traversed over your body as he ceased his incantation and watched as you regained your former hue. Your cheeks pinked, and your eyelids lost their former darkness before they slowly blinked open.

He pursed his pink lips before flicking out his tongue and dragging it along the dried skin. “Is it you, my love?” He calls towards you, almost breathless, as he waits for a response.

A sly smile curves along your sweaty face, baring to him your perfect pearly teeth before you answer. “It is?”

So few words, yet so much to tell as they slipped from your teeth in a mix of two voices speaking as one. Something inhuman is bleeding over your once-sweet tone. The darker of the two faded away, leaving only your original voice for him to hear once you’d finished speaking.

What lay within you, puppeting your body and mimicking your lovely voice, was evil at its finest. It had twisted its poisonous barbs around the good priest's heart, squeezing it for all the love that could bleed out onto its tongue. He was purely smitten, overtaken by its power as it finally gifted you to him.

He leaned in, wanting to crawl up your nightgown to nuzzle along your skin. He nearly sounded as if he were begging as he spoke to your form. “May I touch you?"

Your eyes were pointed as the demon used them to stare into him before stealing your lips to speak. “Untie me first, James.”

[majormeilani]

reblogging fanart of a character but not saying anything just tagging what they're from and their name like i'm not absolutely deranged about them

[slime-sandwhich-nom]

Ok but seal the deal made me think that snatcher is actually so strong he can create a literal different dimension and control it JUST to make a few contracts and make you a difficult challenge than before

[saintsenara]

I actually hear "the order of the phoenix is not a gang of child soldiers" a lot, and I agree to some level - especially because I like to use Dorcas and Marlene to explore corners of the wizard world and its timeline that the marauders scooby gang doesn't reach.

But isn't it also true that a lot of resistances and guerrillas through history have been manned mostly by young idealists, often university students and recent graduates?

Young, agile, energetic people to do the work older people don't have the disposition for, and that important people can't do because that would compromise their important positions?

i think there's an interesting quirk when it comes to the order and its demographic make-up which stems from jkr's own politics.

because the order is a resistance organisation, sure... but what it's resisting is revolution. its aims, across canon, are the maintenance of the status quo, with the state and its institutions [including the class system] left broadly untouched, except for the fact of a minor expansion of wizarding society's parameters to accommodate muggleborns [or, at least, muggleborns who also bear the markers of class-based acceptability]. its politics, across canon, are gradualist, liberal, pro-state, and demonstrably unradical.

that is to say, it represents the "adults in the room" - the sensible, rational, intelligent, considerate people who disapprove both of the reactionary, emotionally-led conservatism of fudge et al. and the radicalism of voldemort.

[he literally wants to rip up the principles by which the wizarding world is governed! he wants to tear everything about its social fabric apart!]

and so it makes perfect sense that its members would predominantly be adults - and adults directly involved in the maintenance of the state and its institutions.

whereas the death eaters do conform to the more typical make-up of revolutionary [and/or terrorist] organisations. huge numbers of the death eaters we meet in canon are people who are decades younger than voldemort and who, during the first war, were canonically in their teens or twenties - snape, mulciber, avery, wilkes, evan rosier, bellatrix, lucius malfoy, rodolphus [and presumably rabastan] lestrange, barty crouch jr., regulus black, peter pettigrew, and so on.

many of these death eaters are either stated or implied to be the children of voldemort's school friends and/or the knights of walpurgis, which invites the suggestion that they supersede their fathers in importance once voldemort returns to britain in the later 1960s because their attitudes are much more radical, zealous, and revolutionary, while their fathers want voldemort to take a more traditional political route to achieving his aims.

[which helps explain why voldemort is so furious about half of them claiming to be under the imperius curse in order not to face punishment, allowing them to live according to the social convention they once claimed to want to destroy...]

and voldemort's ability to recruit young, eager men continues during the second war - crabbe, goyle, draco malfoy, stan shunpike, the snatchers, and so on. the order, in contrast, only takes on young members due to the accident of proximity - the weasley children, who become part of it entirely because their parents are involved; fleur, who becomes part of it entirely because of her marriage.

the anti-voldemort resistance organisation which actually attracts young recruits is - despite the fact that harry spends half-blood prince and most of deathly hallows thinking of it as completely irrelevant to voldemort's defeat - dumbledore's army.

[imnameimswrld]

╰┈➤ ❝ [𝐆𝐲𝐦 𝐁(𝐟)𝐫𝐨 || 𝗦𝗖 ꒱꒱

━━ ❪ . . . pt!changbin x aespa!reader ❫

━━ ❪ . . . description : long time friends, fans love the dynamic between yn and her personal trainer, but most are not all that shocked when they reveal a key part of their relationship ; ❫

━━ ❪ . . . smau ! , 3rd in the man series ❫

━━ ❪ . . . warnings: none ❫

━━ ❪ . . . fc: giselle ❫

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ynusername just added to their story !

[ caption 1 : the trained... ; caption 2 : the trainer... ]

somisomi0309

liked by jenaissante, katarinabluu, and 987 224 others

[ tagged : ynusername, jutdwae ]

somisomi0309 with my girl + binnie boy 😝

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user I'll never get over how stupid hot he is

user THE ULTIMATE TRIO

jutdwae what're we doing for cheat day tomorrow ???

⤿ somisomi0309 no idea, yn says she's gonna bake something, so we just gotta meet at hers

⤿ jutdwae she's...baking ? that terrifies me more than leg day.

⤿ ynusername hey ! I've been practicing.

⤿ jutdwae is that so ? when last have you baked something then ?

⤿ imwinter yesterday, and she triggered the fire alarm and served as charcoal cookies.

⤿ ynusername MINJEONG- that was a mistake. I'll do better tomorrow.

⤿ katarinabluu god help us 🙏

[ liked by imwinter, imnotningning ]

user lmao not yn constantly attempting to burn the dorm down

user wait... were those burnt brownies jeno showed in his vlog from yn !? 😭

⤿ ynusername he enjoyed, and finished every last one.

⤿ leejen_o_423 mhmmm, i sure did *gulps*

user PLS I CAN'T WITH THIS WHOLE COMMENT SECTION 🤣😭😭😭

ynusername

liked by jutdwae, somisomi0309, and 998 890 others

ynusername 👹 PROTEIN 👹

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user protein girl fr- WAIT !? SOFT LAUNCH

user karina was not kidding when she said yn loves protein 😭

user where are all the ynbin antis and jenyn stans now huh ?

user girl was tired of all the jenyn rumors fr 🤧

user YES MY YNBIN NO LONGER A PIPE DREAM PEOPLE

jutdwae excuse me, what's slide 4 ? last time i checked, it wasn't cheat day.

⤿ ynusername calm you biddies binne, it was ning's, I just wanted to take a cool pic with it

⤿ jutdwae that's...kinda sad ngl... come over, I'll make you some of that sugar-free cupcakes you like so much

⤿ ynusername EEK- 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

user THEY. ARE. EVERYTHING.

user it's ynbin's world and I'm just happily living in it

jutdwae

liked by imnotningning, imwinter, and 678 335 others

jutdwae october dump 💯

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user alright, where's my seo changbin ?

user GOD HE LOVES HER SO MUCH

⤿ jutdwae I do, I really, really do

[ liked by ynusername ]

ynusername slide 7 has me feeling some type of way 🥴

⤿ jutdwae aaalllllllll yours

imwinter bro came to our concerts just to steal all the food.

⤿ jutdwae I DID NOT – i am a avid MY

⤿ katarinabluu so the rack with puddings cleared itself out while we were all on stage ?

⤿ jutdwae it sure did.

⤿ imnotningning FREE PT SESSION !

⤿ ynusername ning you already get those 😭 !

⤿ jutdwae which you never attend, might i add.

⤿ imnotningning silence, food snatcher.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[rubys-forest]

artist who's only drawn snatcher attempts to draw stan

[holylulusworld]

Nrfth (8) - Leave it all behind

Summary: Betrayal cuts deep. If your heart and trust get damaged. Can you find a way back?

Pairing: Chris Evans x fem!Reader

Warnings: heavy angst, we stan Tracey in this house, Tracey is the best friend ever, hurt & comfort (not Chris), unplanned pregnancy, language 

A/N: Please consider I changed the timeline (timespan between the movies) a little to match my story. We are now in 2013, two years after they met.

No rest for the heartbroken masterlist

<< Part 7

Three months later, …

“Babe, you need to eat something. Anything. Let me order food.” Tracey sits next to you on your couch. “I know, Y/N. I know it feels like your whole body is sore.”

“He didn’t just end things with me for some other girl, Trace.” You wipe your face. “He cut me out of his life.”

She glances at the muted TV, sighing deeply. “Y/N let’s get out of here for a while. We can just…” She drops her eyes to your middle, sighing once again. “Why did you never tell him?”

“Did you not see the news? I bet the bitch taking over the role in the Avengers movie is the one he chose over me. She didn’t do just a cameo. She has at least five scenes with the Avengers. And, they have the audacity to resurrect my character at the show.”

“What?” Tracey gapes at you like she got punched in the face. “But they let you die, Y/N.”

“Yep,” you pop the ‘p’. “They resurrect my character and surprise,” you chuckle humorlessly, “that bitch will take over my role at the show too.”

“You’re fucking with me.”

“I wish,” you choke on your tears once again. “I can’t take a job because of my circumstances while Chris parades his bitch around town, or rather he shows her off in every interview as his new sidekick. They gave her my role, Tracey! MY ROLE!”

“That’s so fucked up,” she grunts. “Breaking up with you was one thing but this is…like he’s not the same person. Maybe this is a serious case of body snatching.”

“Body snatching?” You laugh for the first time in weeks. “Really?”

“Like in the old movie,” she mutters. “Don’t you remember? We watched it when we were kids. You got scared and I had to hold your hand the whole night.”

“Invasion of the Body Snatchers, I remember,” you say with a smile. Tracey was always there for you. Even when she was scared too, she held your hand. “I wish they exchanged Chris, but this is all him. I don’t know how I could not see he’s like that.”

“Hmmm…I don’t understand him. Out of the blue, he breaks up with you and ruins your career.” Tracey knits her brows together. “This is too fishy. Maybe you should try to talk to him one last time. He owes you an explanation.”

“Men are pigs,” you scrunch up your nose. “Please make sure that I never fall for one of them ever again. From now on, I’m cured of men…”

You’re restless tonight. 

No wonder. Tomorrow you should’ve been on set again to film the new season of your show. Now someone else will play your role and you are stuck at your apartment.

“Babe, did you listen? That fandom guy messaged you again on Twitter. He wants to know why you left the show,” Tracey sighs as you look at her. “Why don’t you tell him what happened? Maybe if the fans of the show get to know about the shit Evans and the studio pulled they’ll cancel the show.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Trace.” You give her a sad smile. “He made his decision. The studio too. I got to move on. It sucks but there is nothing I can do about it.”

“That bitch stole your role in the movie and the show!” Tracey mutters. She throws her hands up as you turn around to stare out of the window. “Make them pay, Y/N.”

“No.”

“Let me at least scratch his car or use my baseball bat to remodel his face.”

“I thought he loves me too,” you sniff. “Love, such a stupid word for something breaking you down to nothing.”

“Y/N,” Tracey softly says. “Let’s go for a walk or eat ice cream. Just stop hiding at your apartment.”

“He didn’t even try to contact me. I realized a few days ago, that he never gave a shit about me.” You shrug. “I wanted to call Chris to tell him about…”

“Babe, you don’t need that asshole. We’ve got this. If you want me to, I’ll be your baby daddy.”

You snort, and then, you start laughing and crying. “Thank you,” you wrap her in a hug, “Daddy.”

Now Tracey laughs too as you hold each other. “Do you remember the guy giving me STDs? I was so in love that I got a tattoo with his name. I let them tattoo my ass, babe. I’m one stupid bitch too.”

“What’s with men these days? Why are they all assholes?”

Another month later, New Zealand, …

“I like it. What do you say?” Tracey watches you look around the new apartment. You decided to leave Hollywood and turn your back on the film industry in your country. 

This means you have to move out of your old apartment as fast as possible and leave the world you believed you know so well behind.

“I like it too.” You should have a look around the apartment you want to rent, but you can’t focus. You are miles away, still wound tight as you saw an interview with Chris and his new sidekick last night. “I think this is it, Trace.”

“Babe, are you sure? This is going to be your new home.” You can hear the worry in her voice.

Tracey was, once again, your rock. She’s so much more than a friend. 

How would you call the one dragging you out of your bed to make sure you eat? The only person who understands how you function and feel. 

Friend. Ally. Sister. Soulmate. 

“Hmmm…” you take a deep breath. “You’re right.” It’s time to focus on taking your life back in your hands. For almost four months you let the decisions someone else made dictate your life. “Let’s have a closer look, shall we?” 

You hold out your hand for Tracey. She smiles and takes it. “We will get you through this too, Y/N. No man is worth your tears or that you stop living the life you built for yourself.”

You grin as Tracey props her feet onto the coffee table. She just finished carrying one of the last moving boxes into your new home and now, she’s chewing on a slice of pizza. 

“I like it,” you say more to yourself than your friend. “My new job is great too. I always loved working behind the scenes, and this is my chance to do so.”

“How’s the bean today?” She drops her eyes to your swollen belly. “Does the bean want more pizza?”

“Can you not call them bean all the time?” Tracey snorts at your angry expression. “Even though their father is an asshole, I love them.”

“I love them too,” she coos and places her hand on your belly. “Good thing Aunt Tracey will buy them all the things you won’t. I’ll hang out with them and teach them how to mess with bitches.”

Smiling you look at your friend. She moved heaven and hell to help you get where you are now. Tracey even quit her job and moved to New Zealand to help you buy a house which you couldn’t have effort otherwise.

“They will love you too, babe.”

“I know.” She shrugs. “How could they not love me?”

At the other end of the world, Chris stares at a picture of you on his phone. He took it while you were asleep. He sighs and shuts off his phone.

For days he tried to reach out to you. It took him almost five months, but he found the strength to face you after what he did to you only to find you gone.

He missed the chance to tell you the truth, and it breaks his heart…

>> Part 9

Tags in reblog.

[gin-juice-tonic]

scribbles on a paper for an episode thats basically roadside attraction but not stans fault lol.

things start the same about dipper being bummed about wendy, but instead of stan telling him to flirt with random girls, dipper comes across some cursed artifact with what initially seems to be the ghost of a pickup artist in it. it ‘helps him’ get over wendy by giving him advice on how to flirt with girls

turns out its not a normal dead guy haunting an object but rather a monster who eats little girls hearts... and candy’s fallen right into its trap

handwriting under the cut

Image 1

-A ghost helps dipper with something, unfortunately the ghost sucks

The message next to Stan reads “If ya wanted a misogynistic old fart to boss ya around ya couldve just come to me”

-Heart Snatcher -> As opposed to Roadside Attraction Dipper gets girl tips from a monster who lures in young girls to eat their hearts. Can they save Candy before its too late?

-Stan instead talks about how many times he’d had to get over girls who stopped liking him

-Fonz lookin kid- Maybe a cursed necklace - maybe make him a teen?

Image 2

So she didnt like ya. If i had a nickel for every girl who didnt like me

[nenoname]

not filbrick making stanley sit outside for three days with a "extra stan for sale" sign and then stan ending up with the journal that has ford go "if i lose my face to that face snatcher, stanley has an extra one!"

also the likeliness of stan being a baby model in the first place being cos he was "an unexpected expense" to a low income family and that shitty dad was like "fine he can start paying for himself" at a baby

[darkmedolie]

⬆️My brain right now

(Just in case, I did not intend it as a snatcher x stan drawing, I'm just simping over both of them at the same time)

[tiramegtoons]

As the Okage anon, Im really glad you're okay

I hope Snatch and his evil dad Stan are okay too. I hope they get along and dont get into fights or arguments c:

I’m doing well, thank you. :]

I can see they probably will cause they are so alike yet also so different from eachother djjdcjjd

Stan is nice by accident-

Snatcher isn’t.

Stan doesn’t seem to write but speaks in a formal tone.

Snatcher does but he speaks casually.

Despite both their titles, Snatcher has a better grasp at his role while Stan doesnt and maybe that’s why he needs a butler with him xD

Btw I love James so much he’s so cheerfully loyal to him

Also thank you again for introducing me to the game.

Now I can never go back. It tug at my heartstrings in a weird way and now

IT NEEDS A SEQUEL.

THERE NEEDS TO BE A SEQUEL AND THERES NO OTHER CHOICE.

It feels like a forgotten gem that’s been sitting in an empty, desolate desert purgatory with no way of knowing where and who will find it and polish its rough edges to reveal its shine.

[ouatsnark]

On the topic of Gold.

People really don't talk about how bad of a dad, granddad, and husband he was after he became the dark one.

I will not deny he was a good/decent dad to Baelfire before he became the dark one? But after?

The poor kid was terrified and ended up hating magic because of it, even into adulthood.

He traded away their second kid without discussing with Milah OR Belle when the two started dating.

He was all for murdering his grandson knowing the pain it would cause (because he lost a kid. He knew what it felt like and was willing to permanently injury/kill Henry. To permanently take away three people (HIS OWN SON'S) ten year old son and two people's own grandson (not including him in that since he clearly didn't care) before he found out Neal was dead.

He didn't respect Neal's wishes or Belle's.

He stole someone's baby during the hero and villains' thing.

He was gonna take ASHLEY'S baby and has been implied to have taken others, for purposes we do not know.

And he killed Milah TWICE. Like wtf.

And I don't see enough people talk about it?

People will seriously defend him to the grave not acknowledging any of this.

I don't get how. The man was willing to permanently take away multiple people's children (his 'true love's' and his own son's son included) despite knowing damn well how it felt.

And he doesn't show much remorse, does he?

I hate that retcon with the Charmings being baby snatchers but at least they showed remorse!

I don’t think much discussion happens around Gold at all because he was a minor character and not in the way of any major ships. Sad, isn’t it? Because the ship he is involved in was toxic as hell and deserves a lot of discussion!

Yes, I will agree that Rumple was a decent father before becoming the dark one. Rumple, however, was never a descent husband. To be fair, Milah wasn’t a decent wife either. Her anger over her husband being unable to kill someone when she, herself, wasn’t willing to do it, is just … wrong. But Rumple trading his second born without telling Milah (and later not disclosing this to Belle) was an asshole, cowardly, move. Does that make him a rotten father though? He was doing everything he could for his son. I do believe branding himself a coward was selfish and did his family wrong by dishonoring them.

However, blaming Rumple for his actions after being consumed by darkness is a tricky thing. I don’t fully blame Rumple because he was literally just consumed by darkness. He wasn’t even aware at the time what he was doing even though anger, cowardice and indignation led him to this fate… he was still consumed by a literal evil force. I begin to blame Rumple for his actions as the Dark One around the time he let his son fall through a portal. He was struggling there for control and he lost it. It’s like when Killian chose Emma above his power and over his own life. Rumple was just weaker.

The Rumple stans 100% do not acknowledge that Rumple’s love for Henry was very much contingent on his own happy ending. If Neal hadn’t been dead, Henry would be dead. If it had come down between Henry and Belle, he wouldn’t have hesitated to kill Henry. Rumple was very selfish.

And that selfishness showed in how he controlled Belle’s life. He never asked her before he did anything. He put her in a sleeping curse so he could get what he wanted in S4 during the shattered sight curse. He went against her wishes to wake her in S5. And again in S6 he locked her on his ship, tried to force her to give him their child and then didn’t ask her in S6 finale if she wanted to participate in his mother’s curse! Her life was basically a chess piece for him to maneuver around to gain his own happiness.

Rumple also got away with killing Milah twice. And I always forget: HELP ME OUT HERE… does Belle know that Rumple killed Milah or does she still think it’s Killian’s fault? Because that was always a WTF for me. I am pretty sure Rumple lets her think he isn’t a wife killer when he is.

And no, Rumple has zero remorse. After all “it is the man he is.”

I also hate the Charming baby snatching retcon but to be fair they didn’t know it was a human child. So in no way are they even on the same plane of evil as Regina or Rumple. But yes, they are the only ones to show remorse for harming a child. Well, Killian too. He regrets leaving Bae to Pan after being offended by Bae’s rejection.

P.S. The baby he stole during the AU was baby Snowflake aka Snowing’s child.

[byneddiedingo]

Laura Harris, Shawn Hatosy, Josh Hartnett, Clea DuVall, Elijah Wood, and Jordana Brewster in The Faculty (Robert Rodriguez, 1998)

Cast: Jordana Brewster, Clea DuVall, Laura Harris, Josh Hartnett, Shawn Hatosy, Elijah Wood, Salma Hayek, Famke Janssen, Piper Laurie, Christopher McDonald, Bebe Neuwirth, Robert Patrick, Usher, Jon Stewart, Daniel von Bargen. Screenplay: Kevin Williamson, David Wechter, Bruce Kimmel. Cinematography: Enrique Chediak. Production design: Cary White. Film editing: Robert Rodriguez. Music: Marco Beltrami.

Two premises are key to The Faculty: that adolescents see adults in authority as alien figures, and that high school is an instrument for instilling social conformity. The former has been the stuff of movies since Rebel Without a Cause (Nicholas Ray, 1955). The latter is in evidence today in the efforts of states like Florida and Texas to remake education along conservative ideological lines. Unfortunately, Kevin Williamson's screenplay and Robert Rodriguez's direction don't take either premise seriously enough to make more than a raucous but routine sci-fi/horror movie out of the material. The result is exactly as the Criterion Channel describes it: "The Breakfast Club meets Invasion of the Body Snatchers." John Hughes's 1985 movie put a Jock, a Brain, a Criminal, a Princess, and a Basket Case together in detention and explored the interaction of disparate high school stereotypes. The Faculty's misfit crew is a little more complex: Stan (Shawn Hatosy), the Jock, wants to quit the team, and Zeke (Josh Hartnett) is both Brain and Criminal: He concocts his own drug (unfortunately called "scat") in his lab, selling it out of the trunk of his car, and he has an off-the-charts IQ. Elijah Wood's Casey is bullied the way Brains typically are in teen movies, and Clea DuVall's Stokely is more of a goth-punk rebel than a Basket Case. Jordana Brewster's Delilah is an overachieving Princess, both editor of the school newspaper and captain of the cheerleading squad. They are joined by a New Girl, Marybeth Louise Hutchinson (Laura Harris), a transfer from Atlanta to their Ohio high school who comes complete with a somewhat cloying Southern accent. If The Faculty had kept its focus steadily on this group as they uncover the fact that their teachers have been taken over by an extraterrestrial organism, the movie would have had more coherence and suspense. Instead, it opens with the revelation that something is clearly causing the teachers and the principal to go mad and murderous. The principal (Bebe Neuwirth) is attacked in her office by the coach (Robert Patrick), and when she tries to escape, her way is blocked by a teacher, Mrs. Olson (Piper Laurie), who suddenly turns from meek to menacing. After missing work for a day or so, the principal returns as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile, other teachers have been showing personality changes that begin to spread into the student body. It's not long before the movie begins to invoke the other half of its inspiration, Invasion of the Body Snatchers (Don Siegel, 1956; Philip Kaufman, 1978). Williamson, whose screenplay for Scream (1996) was full of allusions to other horror films, can't resist making the source for The Faculty explicit, so when his teenagers cite the movie themselves and use it as a guide to fighting the alien, The Faculty becomes too meta for its own good. There's enough to enjoy in the movie, including good performances by most of the cast. Hartnett is particularly good in the role of a guy who's embarrassed by his own intelligence. It's fun to see Jon Stewart, who plays a science teacher, in one of the acting performances he likes to make fun of. But when it comes to making good on its key premises and developing a real satiric edge, The Faculty has to be called a missed opportunity.