#Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde

[nauticalmyles]

January 17, 2024

Soda Dungeon 2

Beat Dimension 5.

Unlocked the Chef for the first time. They weren't in the game when I first played it. Interesting mechanic, turning random materials into buffs for a run. Not sure I'm at a point where I have so much stuff lying around that I can do this though.

Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde

Sickle - Reaper Revenge

McDiggins - Smoke Screen

And with that I've finished all of the challenges.

Got the last two achievements I needed in the same run (end with 20k gold and beat all bosses). So weird that there wasn't a beat all challenges achievement imo.

Fun game but I'm glad to be done with it tbh. I kinda went hard on it, 100%-ing in 8 days, so I'm a bit sick of it.

My takeaways: Sickle sucks, Hugo is OP. Grand Hex sucks, Cleave is OP. Nomicon sucks, Hearty is OP.

[linuxgamenews]

Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde tests your skills on Steam Deck

Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde action roguelite game comes to Linux as Steam Deck Verified with Windows PC. Big shout-out to Creature Cauldron for their ingenuity and artistic skills. Which you can try for yourself on Steam. You know how exciting it is when a new movie or the next season of your favorite series gets released, right? Imagine that feeling but for an interactive adventure from Creature Cauldron, Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde. It's out now and it runs great on Steam Deck and Linux. Since they gave us the Early Access release last May, so many people are hooked. So, what's the deal with this action roguelite adventure? Picture this: you're a heroic Spirit Hunter stepping into a world filled with monsters. Now, your mission isn't just to defeat them, but also to take their souls to become stronger. It's like a thrilling quest, where the more you explore and conquer, the more you grow. You can even unlock new characters, maps, and abilities. Due to make your journey even more epic in Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde. Think of it like reading a book where you get to decide what the main character does next. But here, that character levels up and becomes god-like fast. Your Spirit Hunter can learn powerful abilities that make you stronger each time you level up. It's like mixing and matching the powers of a superhero to face an infinite horde.

Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde - Trailer

But here's the best part - dying doesn't mean 'Game Over'. The oracle revives you to keep going on your adventure. Kind of like waking up from a bad dream and getting right back into action. There's a lot to look forward to in Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde. You get a mix of magic and vampire-style combat, accessible even if you've never done anything like this before. There's a big list of Spirit Hunters waiting for you to unlock and take on your journey. It's like adding new friends to your squad to face the monsters together. Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde also has a huge collection of abilities to master. Think of it like learning magic tricks, but each one helps you defeat monsters. And of course you can mix and match different abilities with different Hunters to create a unique squad. It's more like chess where each piece has its own special move. Get ready to jump into the world of Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde on your PC. It's a never-ending action roguelite game waiting for you on Linux via Steam Deck with Windows PC. Priced at $5.99 USD / £5.24 / 5,99€ with the 25% launch discount on Steam.

[gameboymania]

[smlpodcast]

The SML Podcast - Episode 889: Sparked

Download Episode 889 -- 

We've got a small handful of games to chat about, as well as some movie and music banter, so let's go!

The show kicks off with Chris Taylor, Pernell Vaughan, and Aki all on hand to discuss our weekends. Pernell and Aki both decided to cut their grass and ran into jungles while Chris went to go see one of his favorite bands, Sparks, which led me to talking about how I'd love to see Stabbing Westward in Baltimore in September. I really wanna see that show. Gravity Kills gets a shoutout too. Plus reviews!

0:00 - Intro/Chat 18:20 - Gravity Circuit - Domesticated Ant Games, PID Games (Pernell) 26:07 - Punch a Bunch - Pontypants, No Gravity Games (Chris) 34:05 - Sephonie - Analgesic Productions, Ratalaika Games (Aki) 47:52 - Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde - Creature Cauldron (Pernell) 56:29 - Full Quiet - Retrotainment, 8-Bit Legit (Chris)

The show ends with some Wizards & Warriors fun from our good friend Ailsean!

1:07:38 - Ailsean - Wizards & Daemons (Wizards & Warriors)

https://twitter.com/GravityCircuit https://twitter.com/DomAntGames https://pidgames.com/ https://twitter.com/Pontypants https://nogravitygames.com/ https://twitter.com/analgesicprod https://www.ratalaikagames.com/ https://www.creaturecauldrongames.com/ https://www.retrotainmentgames.com/ https://8bitlegit.com/ https://ailsean.net/ https://www.keymailer.co/ https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-sml-podcast/id826998112 https://open.spotify.com/show/6KQpzHeLsoyVy6Ln2ebNwK https://twitter.com/theSMLpodcast/ https://www.facebook.com/theSMLpodcast/ https://store.streamelements.com/thesmlpodcast ALL REVIEWED GAMES HAVE BEEN PROVIDED FOR FREE FOR THE PURPOSE OF ANY COVERAGE ON THE SHOW #PS5 #Xbox #Switch #Keymailer

[bigporras]

Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde 🎮 Final Version 🇪🇸

🆕 Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde by Creature Cauldron via The Indie Bros.

Steam https://store.steampowered.com/app/1914580/Spirit_Hunters_Infinite_Horde/?utm_source=bigporras #SpiritHuntersInfiniteHorde

VOD https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1856247231 #SpiritHunters #InfiniteHorde https://fb.watch/lpA7W1FluI/

[aion-rsa]

Castlevania Season 4 Easter Eggs Explained

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This Castlevania article contains spoilers.

The endgame is finally here in Castlevania season 4, which sees Trevor Belmont, Sypha Belnades, and Alucard face off against the forces of evil that wish to wipe out humanity. While the story takes a few interesting turns you’re not expecting, fans of the long-running Konami series will likely notice quite a few connections to the original video games.

As you’d expect, that all means that there are quite a few easter eggs and references to the games as well as real-world history in Castlevania season 4. Here are all of the easter eggs we’ve found so far:

Varney

Although Varney seems like a two-bit vampire thirsty for glory at first, he turns out to be the main villain of the season. It’s a surprise twist worthy of Malcolm McDowell, the legendary actor who brings the character to life.

While Varney doesn’t appear in the games, the character does have a long history in vampire fiction. The vampire was first introduced in a series of penny dreadfuls titled Varney the Vampire; or, the Feast of Blood by James Malcolm Rymer and Thomas Peckett and published between 1845-1847. The series spanned 232 chapters and 876 pages, and while it isn’t remembered today as a must-read vampire story, it is responsible for many of the tropes later popularized by Bram Stoker’s Dracula and other horror classics.

Varney the Vampire was the first vampire story to establish that these creatures of the night had fangs which they used to puncture the neck of their victims. It was also the first story to establish many of the powers vampires are known for today, such as the ability to hypnotize their prey and enhanced strength. Like Dracula, Varney preys on sleeping women in the night.

Throughout Castlevania season 4, Varney is constantly complaining that he hasn’t received the recognition he deserves as the loyal soldier sent to conquer Targoviste for his master. This is a bit on the nose since the character he’s based is hardly a household name today despite the fact that he influenced the much more famous Count Dracula in a big way.

The Grim Reaper

By the end of the season, Castlevania has dropped its big twist: Varney is just a disguise for the Grim Reaper, a vampiric being who feeds on the souls of the dead. Also known simply as Death itself, the Grim Reaper has been a staple of the video game series since the very start.

Originally one of Dracula’s minions and a boss in 1986’s Castlevania for the NES, Death eventually became one of the main villains of the series. The Reaper’s plan to resurrect Dracula is also ripped right out of the games, especially 2005’s Curse of Darkness, which sees Death manipulate Hector and Isaac into resurrecting the Lord of Vampires.

Zead

Death using Varney is a disguise is also very reminiscent of another major plot point in Curse of Darkness. In the game, the Grim Reaper disguises himself as a priest named Zead, who aids Hector on his quest to kill Isaac. Secretly, the Reaper needs Hector to kill Isaac so that Dracula can posses the latter’s body and return to life.

Greta

While Greta is an original character for the animated series, her role in season 4 as the unofficial fourth member of the group of heroes who fight Death’s forces at the end will likely remind some fans of Grant Danasty, one of the four playable characters in Castlevania III: Dracula’s Curse and a pirate who is very skilled with a knife. Greta also happens to be the head woman of the village of Danesti, an obvious nod to Danasty.

Christopher Belmont

In the original continuity, Trevor and Sypha have two children, one of which becomes the parent of Christopher Belmont, the protagonist of two Castlevania games for the Game Boy, 1989’s The Adventure and 1991’s Castlevania II: Belmont’s Revenge.

In the Lords of Shadow alternate timeline, Trevor and Sypha give birth to Simon Belmont, the protagonist of the 2013 Nintendo 3DS game Mirror of Fate. In the original timeline, Simon is also the protagonist of the very first games in the franchise, the 1986 original and 1987’s Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest for the Famicom and NES.

Okay, this is getting confusing. Moving on.

Read more

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By John Saavedra

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By Matthew Byrd

Danesti

Look on a map and you’ll find that Danesti is a real place. In fact, there are several communes and villages named “Danesti” in modern Romania. Danesti may also be a reference to the House of Danesti, one of the two noble lineages of Wallachia. The other noble lineage? Draculesti, the line that bore Vlad the Impaler, the main inspiration for Count Dracula.

Targoviste

We also visit the city of Targoviste in season 4. The city is in ruins after countless battles with Dracula and his vampire horde. Fortunately, the city is in much better shape in 2021. It is located in the region of Muntenia, Romania. It was also the capital of Wallachia in the 15th and 16th centuries.

Rebis

The Grim Reaper’s plan is to transport Dracula and Lisa Tepes’ souls out of Hell and into the Rebis, also known as the divine hermaphrodite in ancient alchemy. The Rebis is a symbol of the “great work,” the ultimate goal of the alchemist, which involves “spiritual transformation, the shedding of impurities, the joining of opposites, and the refinement of materials,” according to Learn Religion. In ancient alchemy, the Rebis represents “a reconciliation of spirit and matter” and has “both male and female qualities.” The “great work” is also used to describe the alchemist’s mission to create the philosopher’s stone, a mythical substance that was said to turn base metals into gold or silver.

This is a bit outside my area of expertise, but as it relates to Castlevania season 4, it goes back to Count Saint Germain, who is an alchemist who has strayed from his path to find the love of his life in the Infinite Corridor. But when he meets a fellow alchemist in the corridor (actually Death is disguise), she tells him that the only way for him to find his love is achieve the great work, in this case creating a literal rebis that will act as a vessel for the souls of Dracula and Lisa Tepes.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Rosa

Rosa, a supporting character in Castlevania 64 and Legacy of Darkness, doesn’t actually appear on the show, but Carmilla’s appearance in episode 6 –red dress with sword in hand — does remind me of the Rosa boss fight in those games. Carmilla’s chamber is also drenched in blood…just like Rosa’s flowers in the game.

Skeletons

One of the most basic enemy types in the Castlevania games makes an appearance in the first episode of the season. Trevor and Sypha fight these skeleton soldiers, which are armed with swords and shields, on their war to Targoviste. Throughout the years, Konami has introduced countless variations on the skeleton enemy, but Trevor and Sypha only really have to deal with the regular kind.

Hunchbacks

Super fast, hopping hunchbacks are constant thorns in Trevor, Sypha, and Alucard’s sides throughout the season. While one of these tiny enemies might not be a challenge, hunchbacks tend to attack in groups, making it harder to keep track of each blade-wielding baddie as they hop around you. Hunchbacks have been part of the series since 1986.

Golem

Mighty golems charge into Alucard’s castle during the final battle against Varney/Death and Dragan. They’re essentially giant man-made monsters made of rock and clay, formidable opponents for any Belmont. Golems have appeared in many of the games, either as bosses or regular enemies through out the levels.

Gergoth

Gergoth is one of the most gruesome monsters featured in season 4. Introduced as a boss character in 2005’s Dawn of Sorrow, Gergoth is basically a rotting dinosaur that shoot a laser beam out of its mouth. The half-dead beast is basically kept alive by magic, even as its flesh continues to fall off. The meaty red stump where its tail used to be is particularly grotesque.

Cross/Boomerang

Trevor finally acquires a cross-shaped boomerang weapon for his final fight with Death. The four-sided blade weapon is a callback to one of the Belmonts’ signature tools of the trade. Since the very first game, these vampire hunters have used the cross/boomerang (the name differs depending on the game) to vanquish monsters inside Dracula’s castle.

The Dagger

Belmont also finds a dagger that he later uses to finish off the Grim Reaper. This is another weapon you’ll find in most Castlevania games (sometimes simply referred to as “knife”). Like in the games, Trevor is able to “upgrade” the dagger in order to land a killing blow during the final fight.

Did I miss anything? Let me know in the comments!

The post Castlevania Season 4 Easter Eggs Explained appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3bIdP1Z

[sepublic]

Nekrone’s Rahi

           (Note: Nekrone is the headcanoned name I’ve given the Makuta of Stelt, for fanon reasons.)

           Nekrone had a very utilitarian philosophy and perspective, when it came to Rahi. Like some Makuta, he questioned the need for their existence, and while he didn’t outright disagree with Mata Nui… He tried to create his own meaning and justifications, in the absence of any provided by the Great Spirit.

           It was not enough for his Rahi to merely, simply exist- There was that existential dread and question, of why they were there? What did they provide, what were they for… Nekrone couldn’t imagine simply living just as-is, there was something they had to do, do to prove and earn their existence, and make it worthwhile! Coupled with his confusion on the purpose of Rahi, it was up to Nekrone to provide an explanation for their existence, when their own existence was an inarguable decree by the Great Spirit himself. As a result, most of Nekrone’s Rahi started off as rather social, utilitarian creatures… His Rahi were the kind of animals easily domesticated, for they were designed to be used by the sapient species and civilizations of the Matoran Universe.

           Nekrone was initially pure-hearted, genuine, and well-meaning with his intent. He wanted his Rahi to provide things for the sapient beings of this world, so he designed them to be incredibly beneficial. Many of his Rahi were highly nutritious, caloric creatures, easily herded- Their natures begged them to be domesticated by civilizations as livestock to feed upon. Nekrone’s Rahi naturally and quickly produced plentily, encouraging Matoran and other beings to control and harvest their populations constantly, in order to keep them from overgrowing. Nekrone’s Rahi didn’t have to just die to provide usage, either- They also provided milk, fur, and luxurious feathers and ivory for decoration.

           His domesticated Rahi were easily tamed, and often were used to perform heavy manual labor, transporting goods and beings. Quite a few noble, hardy steeds had been devised by Nekrone to serve the people of the Matoran Universe. There was a hierarchy in his mind, an ideal one where Rahi served the civilizations of this world- Surely this was what Mata Nui meant, when he ordained the Rahi from the Makuta! Nekrone’s Rahi were tools and resources for Matoran and other species, and if all else failed, a person could at least sell their Rahi for some money to get along in life.

           As many people grew to appreciate and use Nekrone’s Rahi, he himself felt a sense of importance and began seeing himself almost like a caretaker of sorts… And as we all know, the Makuta didn’t exactly become humbler over time. And because Nekrone was so fixated on directly providing for people, it led to him breaking the barriers, and closing the distance between the Makuta and the lesser societies they otherwise avoided. Nekrone took deliberate criticism and feedback by societies on his Rahi, on how to make them more useful and beneficial. At times, he responded to specific needs by designing a Rahi species that would help- If a population was cold, he’d create a species of Rahi that provided plenty of calories and also a heavy wool lining for coats.

           Many of his brethren saw Nekrone as someone who was too coddling of the herds of society, too pleasing and appeasing. They saw Nekrone, a Makuta, as being too much at the whim of others- It was rather disgraceful. Miserix himself questioned if Nekrone could make the difficult decisions for the greater good… He was not here to service the people of this world, not necessarily. It all seemed antithetical to the wilderness and nature, Nekrone’s domesticated beasts.

           But alas, even someone as well-meaning as Nekrone, eventually fell. As he became more receptive of others and responded personally to needs and desires… Inevitably, he had a few of his own, especially as the Brotherhood began to grow. He wanted to provide for his own organization, so he asked for a thing or two, here or there, in exchange for providing a new Rahi species. His benefactors always happily obliged, and Nekrone became versed in making deals, getting the most bang for his buck… He began to operate almost like a business that took commissions, offering his services here or there- The Brotherhood’s resources weren’t infinite, after all.

           Nekrone even began collaborating with other Makuta, helping them here or there with something they needed- For a price, of course! Like many Makuta, he decided it was only fair that such noble beings such as themselves get monetary payment for their righteous actions. And while Miserix raised an eye at this idea of conducting business between the other Makuta, he let it pass… Once, Chirox commissioned Nekrone to create a species of Rahi that could be compatible with his Visorak Horde, to prove their capability to co-exist. For the right accommodations, Nekrone created the Colony Drone, itself a domesticated type of Rahi meant to be herded by the Visorak for sustenance. On their own in the wild, the Colony Drones were helpless creatures that died, nor could they fend for themselves- This happened to many of his domestic Rahi, alas. Over time, this weakness became deliberate, so people would have to rely on Nekrone for a source of Rahi, instead of just letting species procreate in the wild to later choose from…

           Then Nekrone was assigned to the island of Stelt. The constantly-feuding clans looked to him for war beasts and other useful Rahi, and Nekrone obliged. He felt bad about selling to just one clan, so he sold to the rest to make things fair, and ended up contributing to the chaos and bloodshed. One way or another, he saw his Rahi as cattle to serve others… And this sentiment began to apply to sapient species he saw as ‘lesser’- Such as a powerful species of clawed, multi-armed warriors on Stelt. A species hierarchy began to develop amongst the nobles, brutes, and these gladiators, and Nekrone saw it as only sensible… And this led to his allowance, and eventual participation, in slavery.

           The rest is history. Stelt developed a culture of greed and bargaining, that both influenced Nekrone and vice-versa. He became a ruthless opportunist, playing upon the conflicts of others so both sides would come to him, and only Nekrone would benefit in the end, while others tore one another to shreds with their war beasts. His Rahi had short lives and impending expiration dates, often forcing groups to constantly buy more and more creatures from Nekrone to replenish their diminishing supplies, as his domesticated Rahi became almost completely dependent upon owners to actually thrive.

           Nekrone became infamous as a savvy, yet untrustworthy dealmaker- When one referred to a ‘Deal with the Makuta’, it was Nekrone that the saying specifically referred to. Many found themselves in his debt. And Nekrone, he converted the role of his Rahi as helpful, utilitarian tools, and completely transitioned them into marketable products. You know that “I can milk you” meme? That was Nekrone towards his own creations. He changed his Rahi to provide more monetary gain and resources for both himself and his customers- Their entire existence and function designed towards producing a specific resource, more a manufacturing machine than a living being with its own life.

          And as Nekrone created Rahi for utilitarian purposes, he also designed them for luxury as well- He created adorable, beautiful pets that others would beg to keep. These pets were designed to be consumer-friendly, but as pets could not function in the wild, dying and/or providing a negative impact to the local ecosystem. Nekrone searched for every possible way to extract monetary gain from his creations. The art of Rahi-making had been converted almost entirely into a highly-expensive, yet lucrative, business for himself. Nekrone sought to appeal to a wide demographic…

          And this also led to him ordering the extinction, or at least endangerment, of other Rahi species and even machines so others would rely on his own creatures more. While some Makuta were impressed by Nekrone’s devious cleverness, others were disgusted by his lack of integrity- Mutran once accused him of being a sellout in multiple definitions of the term. After all, Nekrone was also infamous for occasionally engaging in business with competitors and even outright enemies to the Brotherhood of Makuta, such as the Dark Hunters…

           Following Nekrone’s death by Miserix, and the transition into a new society on Spherus Magna, there has been concern about the preservation status of Nekrone’s creatures. Many of them have met their expiration dates, and without their creator to provide more, his species are nearing the possibility of extinction. While many Onu-Matoran have adapted by preserving countless specimens in indefinite stasis, many societies dependent upon Nekrone’s Rahi have turned to Miserix for answers. They figure Miserix can reverse-engineer Nekrone’s creations, and are correct… Miserix himself has both access to Nekrone’s memories, having absorbed him, but is also clever and savvy enough to figure it out on his own anyway.

          He’s been catching up on what he’s missed out on over the years, and is rather disgusted by Nekrone’s opportunistic philosophy in designing Rahi by treating them as products- Subsequent iterations of the same species have been redesigned to have longer-lasting lifespans, and be more capable of surviving in the wild. Still, as society and its roles change, Miserix has admittedly taken some of Nekrone’s original sentiments to heart, even if he’ll make sure not to stoop to that same opportunistic greed either. The Makuta caused so much damage and took so much- Miserix wants to put some good out into the world and reinstate a balance, so directly providing for the societies of Spherus Magna and taking their feedback into account is a good start.

[nauticalmyles]

January 16, 2024

Pokemon Sleep

Not a great start to this week. 64 sleep...

New Medals: Poison types studied - 140, Bug types studied - 50

Evolved Bulbasaur into Ivysaur

Soda Dungeon 2

Beat Dimension 4 (almost immediately when I got in too)

Got to the boss of Dimension 5.

Pokemon GO

Caught a Shiny Galarian Mr. Mime!

Finished Dazzling Dream Collection Challenge. No where close to completing the hatch challenge.

Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde

Magnus - Be Mine Valentine

Vivian - Poison Waters

Conrad - Don't Come Close

Maxine - Vines and Mines

Hugo - Wild Fire, Nature's Blight

Shakpana - Scorched Earth, Spread the Love

Sickle - Sickle 76 (won on 2 hp)

McDiggins - Super McDiggins Kart

[humblewordsmith]

World of Warcraft: The Story So Far

An expansion on something I wrote last year in a fit of procrastination, dealing with the story up until now of World of Warcraft, written in broad strokes:

The Burning Crusade A large group of draenei escapes from Outland by breaking a wing off of the flying fortress called Tempest Keep, with the assistance of a race of crystalline, Light-using creatures called the Naaru. The wing, renamed the Exodar, crash-lands on a mostly-uninhabited island off the north coast of Kalimdor. Over the course of cleaning up after themselves, the draenei meet the night elves and a handful of shipwrecked Alliance troops. At the same time, they have to defend themselves against an attack from a division of Kael'thas Sunstrider's blood elves, who are led by an eredar. Having done so, the draenei join the Alliance.

Meanwhile, in Silvermoon City, a new generation of blood elves are doing their best to rebuild after the Scourge invasion that killed 90% of their race. With the Sunwell extinguished, the survivors are satisfying their cravings for mana with fel crystals, which has tinted blood elves' eyes green, rather than high elves' blue. More importantly, the elves' ruler Kael'thas managed to capture a Naaru, and has set that Naaru up in Silvermoon as an unwitting magical battery. The elves empowered by this Naaru's stolen Light are called the Blood Knights, a new order of quasi-paladins.

The elves quickly discover several Alliance spies over the course of defending Silvermoon from the leftover forces of the Scourge. That, and assistance from their Forsaken neighbors to the south, convinces them to approach the Horde about potential membership. The blood elves join as a means to an end. Kael'thas has taken many of their troops with him to Outland, and the remainder would like nothing more than to join him there.

The Alliance and Horde are subsequently forced to cooperate to defend Azeroth from the Legion, which has reactivated the Dark Portal and is using it as a potential invasion route. When we go through to the other side, we discover what's been going on in Outland, the planet formerly known as Draenor, over the last twenty years.

The members of Alliance's old Draenor Expedition have founded settlements throughout Outland. Khadgar turns up in the draenei city of Shattrath, learning and studying alongside a Naaru named A'dal; Turalyon and Alleria have disappeared, but left behind their son Arator; and Danath and Falstad both lead their own forces. (None of the people memorialized in the Valley of Heroes in Stormwind are actually dead.)

Shattrath City itself is the focus of a bizarre power struggle. A group of draenei named the Aldor have sworn to defend the city, while a second group, the Scryers, is comprised of renegade blood elves. Their leader had a prophetic vision that their future, if they were to have one, lay with A'dal, so they betrayed Illidan and changed sides. Day to day life in Shattrath is defined by the conflict between the Aldor and Scryers, jockeying for the favor of the Naaru. The Naaru and their immediate defenders are known as the Sha'tar, who came to Outland specifically to fight against the Legion's intrusion.

West of Shattrath, in Nagrand, Horde players find the home of the Mag'har, the last orcs who are untainted by Mannoroth's blood. Among them, we meet Geyah, Thrall's long-lost grandmother, and a young, depressed orc named Garrosh Hellscream. Horde players and Thrall convince Garrosh that he's capable of living up to his late father Grom's legacy, and thus screw everything up for everyone for years to come.

The biggest problems we encounter in Outland (along with the Legion, the local ogres, occasional skirmishes with the time-traveling Infinite Dragonflight, and in-fighting between tribes of alien ethereals) come from Illidan, Kael'thas, and Lady Vashj, who are working to conquer Outland. Vashj is our first problem, as her naga are enslaving the locals and attempting to steal control of Outland's entire water supply. We first run into her forces in Zangarmarsh, while we're working on behalf of Cenarion druids who are trying to figure out what's going on. Eventually, we break into Vashj's lair underneath the Coifang Reservoir in Zangarmarsh and take her out.

Kael'thas is a bigger problem. He's fully gone over to the Legion (although the Exodar draenei have known this for quite a while, due to captured intelligence in their starting zone), and his forces are working alongside demons throughout Netherstorm to mine it for mana. Kael'thas himself is pursuing the Cipher of Damnation, the spell that Gul'dan used to blow up Draenor in the first place. We keep him from getting it, with the help of the ex-warlock Oronok Torn-Heart and his sons, then break into Tempest Keep and defeat Kael'thas. Despite appearances, we don't quite manage to kill him.

During all of this, Illidan has been more of a constant background presence than a threat. His armies include fel orcs, turned red and driven insane by exposure to the blood of the pit lord Magtheridon; a force of elves who call themselves the Illidari, which includes numerous apprentice demon hunters; and the Ashtongue, a tribe of Broken draenei under Akama's command. From the outside, Illidan's armies are a major threat, working to conquer or destroy all other forces on Outland; later work will establish/retcon that Illidan is monomaniacally focused on attacking the Legion homeworld of Argus. He's let his subordinates get away with a lot and has gone back on several of his agreements.

Specifically, the Ashtongue and their leader, Akama, teamed up with Illidan in order to reclaim and rebuild what used to be the city of Karabor, one of the holiest sites on Draenor, and which is now known as the Black Temple. When Illidan refuses to return the Temple to the Ashtongue, Akama allies with us and Maiev, who Akama's been keeping locked up nearby. With the help of a distraction by the Sha'tar, Akama helps us infiltrate the Temple via its drainage system and we work our way up to its roof.

Just before we bust into Illidan's brooding post, he sends the best of his squad of Illidari to the demon world of Mardum, where they reclaim a relic called the Sargerite Keystone. By the time they make it back, Illidan has fallen, courtesy of us and Maiev. She imprisons the surviving Illidari in stasis in the Vault of the Wardens.

Subsequently, a maimed Kael'thas, his surviving force of Sunfury blood elves, and a bunch of demons overrun Silvermoon City, kidnap M'uru (again), and take control of the Isle of Quel'danas, the former site of the Sunwell. Kael'thas's plan is to use the remnants of the Sunwell to summon one of the Legion's primary leaders, Kil'jaeden, directly to Azeroth.

The Aldor and Scryers form a joint task force, the Shattered Sun Offensive, and set out to retake the Isle. With our help, they gradually reclaim much of the lost territory. We corner Kael'thas in the Magister's Terrace north of the Sunwell, and this time, we make sure he's dead.

The bulk of Kael'thas's remaining forces are holed up inside the Sunwell Plateau, where the Legion is calling in the big guns to keep the Sunwell chamber undisturbed. We go in and plow through elite blood elf troops, a cadre of demons, a mind-controlled Kalecgos, and M'uru itself; it's "died," entering the dark side of a Naaru's life cycle, and is reborn as the hostile "void god" Entropius. In the end, however, we arrive just in time to see Kil'jaeden begin to make his way into Azeroth. With Kalecgos's help, as well as the self-sacrifice of Anveena Teague (she's from a manga; don't ask), we beat Kil'jaeden back through the portal and shut it behind him.

Velen shows up afterward and uses Entropius's corpse to reignite the Sunwell, which saves the blood elves from having to find some other source for their mana jones. The blood elves' cadre of paladins are inspired by Velen and the revived Sunwell, giving up their stolen powers in favor of getting them the old-fashioned way, through faith and service. Apparently this was M'uru's plan all along; it knew it was dying, and let itself be taken in order to play the long game.

Before Wrath of the Lich King Due to events in the official comic book, Varian Wrynn reappears and takes up his old job as the King of Stormwind. (Canonically, Varian killed Onyxia.)

In a different official comic book, Darion Mograine joins the Argent Dawn, intent upon finding out what really happened to his father Alexandros. He and a few volunteers break into Naxxramas looking for answers, and end up in a fight with the Four Horsemen. Everyone is killed except Darion, who escapes with the corrupted Ashbringer. When he brings it to his brother Renault, Darion learns that Renault, bitter over what he saw as years of their father's favoring Darion, had murdered Alexandros. Alexandros's vengeful spirit emerges from the sword and decapitates Renault.

Darion subsequently sacrifices himself to defend Light's Hope Chapel from an army of the Scourge. Kel'thuzad makes him into a new Horseman to replace his father.

Wrath of the Lich King The Lich King wakes up and attacks the rest of the world with a fresh plague, which turns those who catch it into ghouls. The Alliance and Horde object to this and send troops to Northrend to stop him.

Particularly notable groups in the Northrend assault include a battalion of Warsong Clan orcs led by Saurfang, with an increasingly bloodthirsty Garrosh Hellscream as Saurfang's lieutenant; the Alliance's 7th Legion, under the command of Bolvar Fordragon; the Argent Crusade, which initially sneaks in undercover via the Alliance's settlements; the Scarlet Onslaught, which makes landfall on the northern and southern coasts and proceeds to hassle the Forsaken; and the Hand of Vengeance, a faction of Forsaken so bent on revenge against Arthas that they're willing to kill anyone else they encounter just so they won't get in the way later.

Around the same time, Arthas makes a new breed of death knights from the corpses of particularly strong-willed, fallen soldiers of the Argent Dawn. Their first mission is to polish off what's left of the Scarlet Crusade; the death knights do a lot of damage, but the Crusade's higher-ups manage to escape to Northrend, renaming themselves the Scarlet Onslaught. Next up, the death knights besiege Light's Hope Chapel, empowered by the Lich King and led by the undead husk of Darion Mograine, who's still equipped with his father's sword, the corrupted Ashbringer.

Tirion Fordring shows up, purifies the Ashbringer, and drives Arthas off. This also breaks the hold Arthas had on Darion and the new death knights, many of whom opt to serve the Alliance or Horde, with Tirion vouching for their loyalty. Tirion vows to bring the Lich King to justice, and founds the Argent Crusade there on the spot, assembled from what's left of the Argent Dawn and the Brotherhood of the Light. Likewise, Darion gathers the remaining death knights under the banner of the Knights of the Ebon Blade.

When we get there, Northrend turns out to be a hellhole. Both factions' forces have been infiltrated by the Cult of the Damned and/or the San'layn, a group of high/blood elf vampires; the Scourge's floating necropolis Naxxramas has been recalled to the Dragonblight in central Northrend, where it threatens the dragons' sacred burial grounds; the Grizzly Hills are infested with feral worgen courtesy of the sorcerer Arugal; the coastlines of Northrend are defended by incredibly cruel not-Vikings called the vrykul, who worship the Lich King as a god; the local ice trolls, the Drakkari, have been driven almost to extinction by the Scourge's invasion of their territory, and the most dangerous among them have thrown their lot in with the Lich King; there's a twilight dragon named Sartharion who's set up shop underneath the dragons' sacred Wyrmrest Temple in the Dragonblight, and who appears to be doing unpleasant things to the dragons' eggs; the Scarlet Onslaught is out to "purify" everyone except themselves; there's a quiet, unresolved war going on underground, between the last uncorrupted remnants of the nerubian race and their undead brethren, who serve Arthas; and last but nowhere near least, Malygos, the leader of the blue dragonflight and the Aspect of Magic, has decided the mortal races need to stop using magic entirely, and has declared all-out war on the mage population.

The first major battle in the Northrend campaign is fought in the Dragonblight, at Icecrown Citadel's Wrath Gate. Bolvar Fordragon, alongside his own troops, Saurfang the Younger, and a division of Horde soldiers, besieges the Citadel and challenges Arthas directly, who emerges to confront them. Both sides are suddenly ambushed by the Royal Apothecary Society, who carpet-bomb the area with a powerful new variant of the Forsaken's Plague, which drives Arthas away and kills everyone else. The Plague is only stopped when Alexstrasza intervenes directly, sterilizing and purifying the area with her dragon's fire.

The Society then makes a big power grab and takes over the Undercity, led by Grand Apothecary Putress and the dreadlord Varimathras, finally pulling the trigger on his inevitable betrayal. Both the Horde and Alliance invade the Undercity on separate sides, killing off the Society's mutineers. When both sides reach the Royal Quarter, Varian makes it clear that as far as he's concerned, Bolvar's death means the Alliance's period of tolerating the Horde has come to an end. He's only prevented from attacking Thrall and Sylvanas there and then by Jaina teleporting him and the Alliance forces out. The "cold war" between the Alliance and Horde has just gone hot again, and the two factions repeatedly clash as both invade Icecrown.

We subsequently kill Malygos with the help of Alexstrasza, the Aspect of Life; Kalecgos is subsequently appointed the head of the blue dragonflight. Sartharion and Arugal are likewise dealt with. We clean out Naxxramas, though Kel'thuzad's phylactery is still MIA, and the Ebon Blade hires us to deal with what's left of the Scarlet Onslaught. It turns out that the Onslaught is, as is traditional, being manipulated by demons; this time it's Arthas's old rival Mal'Ganis, who escapes when confronted.

In a rare bit of good news, Alliance players encounter a tribe of local dwarves called the Frostborn, living in a village in the Storm Peaks. Their leader turns out to be an amnesiac Muradin Bronzebeard, who remembers his true identity when he meets Brann.

As we explore the mountains of the Storm Peaks in Northrend, they and much of the rest of Northrend turn out to have been built as part of a single Titan complex, the sealed city of Ulduar, which was constructed as a prison for the Old God of Madness, Yogg-Saron. It's been able to extend its reach beyond that prison for millennia, has subtly influenced much of Azeroth's history, and has tricked the Titans' surviving Keepers into neglecting their duties. Most notably, Yogg seems to be responsible for something called the "Curse of Flesh," which transformed its prison's stone golems and mechanical workers into the first dwarves, gnomes, and vrykul, and which may have further warped some of the local vrykul's offspring into the first humans.

Eventually, with the help of Brann Bronzebeard and the Kirin Tor, we bust through the prison's defenses, slap some sense back into the prison's ancient Keepers, dispatch some Twilight's Hammer cultists that are trying to sneak in and free Yogg, and defeat Yogg itself, although it may be impossible to actually kill it. Most importantly, we stop the prison's final failsafe, a "re-origination" device that would destroy Azeroth before recreating it, by fighting its activator, Algalon the Observer, to a standstill. He gives us the means to broadcast a return signal off-world from Dalaran, preventing the Titans from destroying Azeroth.

In an attempt to refocus the Alliance and Horde on the Scourge, Tirion and the Argent Crusade set up a tournament in northern Icecrown, offering prizes and renown on the field of honorable combat while pitting challengers against the Lich King's forces. Tirion's plan is to train up a small, elite strike force via the tournament in order to attack Icecrown Citadel with as few troops as possible, to avoid giving Arthas more corpses to raise. This doesn't really work, and the tournament ends up leaving the faction divide as strained as ever. The Lich King himself shows up to challenge us for the final round of the tournament, and drops us into an underground cavern where we face off against and kill his buddy Anub'arak. (Again.)

While the troops trained through the tournament don't end up amounting to much (they're unceremoniously killed off about ten minutes after we breach the Citadel), we're able to break through the Lich King's defenses and besiege Icecrown Citadel itself. In this, we're assisted and led by Tirion and Darion, who have unified their forces into a single group that calls itself the Ashen Verdict.

In the upper reaches of the Citadel, in the Halls of Reflection, we confront many of the souls that Frostmourne has taken over the years. The only one that isn't hostile is Uther the Lightbringer, who tells us something important: without someone at its head, the Scourge will go berserk. We can't just kill Arthas; someone has to take his place or things will get even worse. Before Uther can expound further, Arthas interrupts the conversation and forces us to retreat.

When we and the Verdict bust through the Citadel's front door, we also discover that the Lich King has reanimated the late Bolvar Fordragon. Bolvar is still glowing red-hot from Alexstrazsa's fire breath and has managed to resist Arthas's attempts at conversion until now. We can hear him screaming all the way from the bottom of the Citadel.

We fight our way towards him, dealing with the leaders of the Scourge, an incursion force sent by the opposite faction, the death knight version of Saurfang the Younger, the frost wyrm Sindragosa, and the Blood Queen of the San'layn, before finally coming face to face with Arthas himself. Our battle with him is hard-fought and utterly pointless; when he reaches 10% health, he kills us all. He's been putting up with us for so long because he wanted to raise us as his newer, better champions, then send us after Tirion as an ironic twist of the knife.

As he's raising us, however, he's interrupted by Tirion, who shatters Frostmourne with the Ashbringer. This releases all the souls that Frostmourne has taken over the years, including that of Arthas's father Terenas. He resurrects us and we beat Arthas to death. Bolvar sacrifices himself to keep the Scourge in check; he puts on the Lich King's helm and sits on the Frozen Throne, telling us to tell the world that he's dead.

In the aftermath, a lot of the leftover elements of the Scourge end up working for Sylvanas Windrunner, including the valkyr, which are capable of resurrecting the dead and turning freshly-slain humans into Forsaken. Right about now, Sylvanas's tactics start looking a lot like Arthas's used to.

before Cataclysm The Alliance and Horde both return from Northrend badly bloodied, with heavy casualties on both sides. The official estimate given for the Alliance, in one of the novels, is around 50,000 dead.

Just the same, both sides undertake new operations: the Alliance assists the gnomes as they make additional headway into the irradiated tunnels of Gnomeregan, and the Horde kicks in to help the Darkspear trolls retake their homeland in the Echo Isles. This leads into their new starting zones in the next expansion.

Cataclysm We last saw Deathwing in The Day of the Dragon, when he retreated into Deepholm to recuperate. While he was there, the Twilight's Hammer cult worked to forge Deathwing an impenetrable suit of elementium scales.

Finally, the Old Gods' constant whispering drives him into a frenzy and Deathwing explodes out of Deepholm, causing the event known as the Cataclysm. This reshapes coastlines, wrecks landmarks, and drives elementals insane all over the world. Most notably, it sinks the island of Kezan, home of the goblins' Bilgewater Cartel; seemingly destroys the island of Zandalar, home of the previously-friendly Zandalari trolls, with their Emperor disappearing in the upheaval; and causes the corrupt elemental lords and the Twilight's Hammer cult to take a fresh swing at destroying Azeroth. This includes Ragnaros, who turns a massive chunk of Hyjal into a volcanic hellscape. Deathwing steals the bodies of Nefarian and Onyxia, rezzing Nef so Nef can reconstruct Onyxia as an undead taxidermy project; Stormwind's entire park district is turned into a crater (this isn't fixed until years later); and due to rampaging elementals, a big part of Orgrimmar burns down.

Thrall steps down as warchief of the Horde to take up a job as the World-Shaman, leader of the Earthen Ring, and to court and marry a Mag'har orc named Aggra. Despite the advice of literally everyone around him, Thrall appoints Garrosh Hellscream as the new warchief. Immediately after the Cataclysm, Garrosh rebuilds Orgrimmar into a nest of black iron spikes, then starts something like seven separate land wars in a bid to claim new resources and land for the Horde.

Cairne Bloodhoof challenges Garrosh for the warchief spot, but their duel to the death is interrupted when they discover that Magatha Grimtotem has poisoned Garrosh's axe. Cairne dies, the Grimtotem are put firmly on everyone's shit list, Magatha is exiled, and Cairne's son Baine succeeds him as the leader of the tauren.

One of Garrosh's new offensives pits Sylvanas and the Forsaken against the isolationist nation of Gilneas, which was already having trouble dealing with a plague of lycanthropy. Long story short: as per the Curse of the Worgen comic, the druidic wolf form was created and promptly forbidden during the War of the Ancients, and its feral, nearly-mindless practitioners were sealed up inside a tree in the Emerald Dream. Come the modern day, that tree's Azeroth equivalent is in Gilneas and it's leaking. King Greymane's personal alchemist creates a potion that restores the infected Gilneans to sanity, if not humanity, and they form the backbone of the fight against the Forsaken.

Sylvanas is here to conquer the place on orders from Garrosh, in order to get the Horde an ocean port in the Eastern Kingdoms. Eventually, she gets annoyed enough with the resistance to simply blight the city with the Plague, leaving most of the peninsula as an unusable ruin. The surviving Gilneans, most of whom are worgen at this point (notable exceptions include Lorna Crowley and Tess Greymane), escape across the ocean with help from the night elves and join the Alliance.

Many Gilneans will return with Alliance support to form the Gilnean Liberation Front, harrassing the Forsaken's lines in Silverpine Forest. Their efforts to reclaim their nation end in an effective stalemate, which costs the lives of both Prince Liam Greymane and Sylvanas herself. She is subsequently resurrected by the sacrifice of several of her valkyr, but her short time spent dead convinces her that she has to do whatever is necessary to keep herself from dying again.

Shortly after Thrall steps down, he's captured by (what purports to be) an Alliance naval fleet. The battle is witnessed by a ship full of the newly-homeless goblins of the Bilgewater Cartel, who escaped their island before it sank but ended up getting enslaved by their leader. The Alliance's captains try to sink the goblins' ship to eliminate all witnesses, but the goblins survive and free Thrall. He destroys what's left of the Alliance's fleet, then sponsors the Bilgewater goblins as the newest entrants into the Horde.

Elsewhere, the Alliance takes heavy losses from Garrosh's offensive, including the outright losses of Southshore and Silverwind Refuge. Magni Bronzebeard tries to figure out what's happened by using ancient rituals, but instead ends up as a petrified diamond statue in a cavern beneath Ironforge. After his "death," Muradin, Magni's renegade daughter Moira Thaurissan, and Falstad Wildhammer form the Council of Three Hammers to rule Ironforge, unifying the dwarf clans for the first time in centuries.

With new allies on both factions' sides, we begin the work of cleaning up after Deathwing. In Hyjal, we disrupt the Twilight's Hammer cult as it attempts to burn down the countryside; in Deepholm, we work with the Earthen Ring to reassemble and repair the broken World Pillar, which Deathwing smashed on his way out the door. Nefarian has holed up in Blackrock Mountain again, while Cho'gall is running his cult from the Twilight Highlands, near the ruins of the city of Grim Batol; we take them out, as well as what's left of Deathwing's consort Sinestra.

In southern Tanaris, we investigate an ancient gate that was smashed open in the Shattering, and discover the hidden land of Uldum. It's inhabited by a race of cat-people called the tol'vir, who live and work among yet more Titan ruins. This includes another "re-origination" device like the one we barely kept from being fired in Ulduar, but this time Brann Bronzebeard is able to shut it down with a lot less trouble.

The tol'vir were created as animate statues and were also subject to Yogg-Saron's "curse of flesh." The corrupted Elemental Lord of Air, Al'Akir, has enticed a number of tol'vir to his side by lifting the curse, and attempts to destroy the tol'vir who refuse. We help to organize the tol'vir against Al'Akir's armies, saving the tol'vir's civilization, before confronting A'Akir himself on the elemental plane of Skywall. His post is left temporarily vacant.

A new threat arises shortly thereafter from the surviving Zandalari, who attempt to unify the disparate tribes of trolls into a single empire with themselves at its head. Most of the hostile troll tribes--the Gurubashi, Drakkari, Amani, etc.--take them up on their offer, but Vol'jin refuses on behalf of the Darkspear. He proceeds to enlist whoever he can find in attempts to oppose the Zandalari. On Vol'jin's behalf, we reenter Zul'Gurub and Zul'Aman and take out the forces gathering there, preventing the Zandalari from creating a beachhead for empire in the Eastern Kingdoms.

Shortly thereafter, Ragnaros attacks Mount Hyjal in earnest, aided by a renegade order of druids headed up by Fandraal Staghelm. They're opposed in Hyjal by a druidic force that calls itself the Molten Front Offensive, working to keep Ragnaros's forces sealed up inside the Firelands. With Malfurion, Hamuul, and Cenarius, we enter the Firelands, kill Staghelm, and put a final end to Ragnaros himself.

Finally, the surviving dragon Aspects, with Thrall standing in for the Aspect of Earth, come up with a plan to deal with Deathwing. They're going to need the Dragon Soul to so much as scratch him, but it was destroyed a long time ago. We need to go back in time and "borrow" it from near the time of its creation, during the War of the Ancients.

When Nozdormu tries to send us back, however, we're instead sent to a possible future, the End Time of Azeroth, where Deathwing has gotten everything he wanted. Azeroth is a smoking cinder, the only survivors are a handful of dragonkin and angry ghosts, and Deathwing's corpse is impaled on the peak of Wyrmrest Temple.

We pick our way through the ashes and find the entity responsible for bringing us here: Murozond, a version of Nozdormu who's been driven insane by a vision of his own eventual death, and the progenitor of the infinite dragonflight. He attacks, ranting that this future is a mercy compared to what's to come, and dies at our hands. This was the vision he saw that drove him mad; the infinite dragonflight's efforts up until now have been an attempt to make sure the End Time comes to pass, and now it never will.

Nozdormu sends us back to the Well of Eternity during the War of the Ancients, where we fight alongside the young Illidan, Tyrande, and Malfurion. We quietly make off with the Dragon Soul, pausing to help Illidan win against Mannoroth, and rendezvous with Chromie to get sent back to our time.

We meet up with Thrall in the Dragonblight, near Wyrmrest Temple, and play bodyguard for him. We're intercepted by multiple squads of Twilight's Hammer assassins, but we win through and get Thrall where he needs to be. The Dragon Soul is in place with the Aspects, and now, all they need to do is to figure out how to use it.

Rogues are quietly approached at this point by agents of Ravenholdt, who are working in conjunction with a black dragon who calls himself Wrathion, the Black Prince. Wrathion is the last black dragon on Azeroth (that he knows of) who's untouched by Deathwing's corruption (cf. a quest in the Badlands, where we and a red dragon conspire to keep an uncorrupted egg safe from Deathwing), and he's decided his father's got to go. Rogues are tasked with eliminating various agents of the black dragonflight, in the ruins of Gilneas and the caverns under Karazhan, in exchange for a pair of daggers that Wrathion gradually upgrades.

At this point, the Twilight's Hammer hits Wyrmrest with everything it has left, which mostly consists of the Old Gods' minions; we arrive just in time to keep the Temple's guards from being totally overrun. The assault culminates in Deathwing unleashing the twilight dragonflight--viciously warped versions of red dragons--and its most powerful member, Ultraxion, which is basically a dragon-shaped suicide bomb. Secure behind our lines, the Aspects use the Eye of Eternity to empower the Dragon Soul with their essences.

Thrall blasts Deathwing with the Soul, which wounds him and forces him into a headlong retreat, and we give chase by airship. We parachute onto Deathwing's back and pry off more of his elementium armor plates; underneath it, Deathwing is little more than a seething mass of corruption. Without his armor, Deathwing is vulnerable to a second strike from Thrall, and lands in the Maelstrom itself. We, Thrall, and the Aspects finish him off, and Nozdormu goes so far as to ensure our victory here is a multiversal constant. There is no alternate timeline where Deathwing won and destroyed Azeroth. This fight always happened, we always won it, and no amount of time manipulation can undo this result.

This fight costs the Aspects dearly, however. They're all still dragons, with all the capabilities that implies, but they no longer have the specific Titan-granted powers that made them the Aspects. The Age of Mortals has begun.

before Mists of Pandaria In the events of the "Theramore's Fall" scenario and the novel Tides of War, Theramore is destroyed by a full-scale Horde assault, culminating in the detonation of a "mana bomb" that levels most of the city. The Alliance loses many of its highest-ranking military officers (if you're wondering why there's a new guy sitting in Stormwind where Marcus Jonathan used to be, that's why), and Jaina herself only lives because of the self-sacrifice of Rhonin, head of the Kirin Tor.

Jaina goes mad with grief and is about to level Orgrimmar with a tidal wave, but Thrall holds her back while Kalecgos talks her down. She turns herself in to the Kirin Tor, intending to have them punish her for almost losing control; instead, on the basis that she didn’t lose control, they offer her Rhonin's former position.

Mists of Pandaria For millennia, the continent of Pandaria was hidden by banks of magical mists, placed there for protection by the great Emperor Shouhao. The outside world thought it was a legend if they knew about it at all, including the small population of pandaren who lived on the Wandering Isle, a forest and village situated on the back of a constantly moving turtle.

The mist was one more thing wrecked by the Shattering. Pandaria stays undiscovered until the day when the Horde and Alliance fight a massive naval skirmish nearby. One airship, full of Alliance troops and Horde prisoners, crashes into the side of the Wandering Isle. Some of the local pandaren decide to follow one faction or the other back to the mainland, forming new societies there; the Tuishi join the Alliance under the leadership of Aysa Cloudsinger, and the Huojin, led by Jin Firepaw, join the Horde.

A flagship, this one carrying Prince Anduin Wrynn, ends up wrecked on the coast of Pandaria itself. Varian sends Alliance troops in the Skyfire to rescue him. When Garrosh learns about it, he dispatches his own forces to "paint the continent red."

Garrosh, incidentally, has recruited several formerly-outcast clans such as the Blackrock to bolster the Horde's forces, and has been getting progressively more belligerent and warlike as his reign as Warchief has continued.

When we arrive on Pandaria, we find the other faction's survivors from the original skirmish have erected fortifications in the Jade Forest, and act to deal with them. As it turns out, this was a bad move; Pandaria itself is infested with monsters called the Sha, a corruptive force that feeds off of negative emotions, with the most powerful Sha embodying feelings such as Despair, Anger, Depression, Fear, and Hatred. The entirety of pandaren culture is a 10,000-year-old defense mechanism to avoid releasing the Sha back into the world.

When the Alliance and Horde show up in full war mode, their emotions over the conflict blow many of the Shas' prisons wide open, who run rampant across most of the continent. The good news is that when we fight the Sha, they die. The Emperor was only able to seal the worst of the Sha away, but we're very good at killing by now and can destroy them outright.

The Alliance pursues Anduin across Pandaria. When they catch up, it's as he's playing peacemaker and diplomat between the Alliance and the locals. Alongside the tauren paladin Sunwalker Dezco, Anduin helps to convince the August Celestials, four animal spirits that guide and protect the pandaren, to open the sealed gates to the sacred Vale of Eternal Blossoms. There, both the Horde and Alliance take up residence in local shrines.

While we're exploring, we also run into Wrathion. He maintains a network of spies throughout Pandaria, and recruits us for various missions of his own. In exchange for various artifacts and the occasional odd job, he's able to provide us with certain upgrades, such as a powerful meta-gem called the Crown of Heaven. Wrathion keeps his true motivations under his belt, but as a rule, he seems to be supportive of the faction of whoever he's talking to, and encourages us via quests to prove our faction's greater strength.

One of the stranger side effects of our arrival on Pandaria takes place in the Dread Wastes, on Pandaria's west coast. Pandaria's history has been punctuated by battles with an insectoid race called the mantid, which try to overrun the rest of the continent every hundred years. They're typically beaten back by the pandaren, who have established multiple fortifications for this specific purpose. The mantid regard this conflict as an aggressive form of natural selection.

The Sha's appearance has forced the swarm to start early, as the mantid's Empress has fallen under the corruptive sway of the Sha of Fear. We investigate and become acquainted with the Klaaxi, the elders of the mantid race, who managed to avoid being corrupted due to being in stasis at the time. We work to overthrow the Empress with their aid, and as a sort of reward, the Klaaxi let us in on one of their secrets: they worship the Old Gods and await their return. They advise us to do the same.

Another problem develops on the northern shore of Kun-Lai Summit, where a mixed council of trolls have made landfall. While the Gurubashi, Drakkari, and Amani try to establish a beachhead by overrunning a pandaren village, the Zandalari exhume a series of ancient crypts in the mountains nearby.

Millennia ago, Pandaria was ruled by animate statues called the mogu, which were led by the Lightning Emperor, Lei Shen. Lei Shen unified Pandaria under his command, enslaving the other sentient races, but was eventually killed by the tol'vir when he tried to invade Uldum.

The mogu were allies of the Zandalari back in the day, and the Zandalari still know how to reanimate the mogu. Before we can stop them, they resurrect Lei Shen himself. The plan is that, in accordance to an ancient compact, the Zandalari will help the mogu reconquer Pandaria in exchange for carving off a piece of the continent as their new homeland.

As a side note, we find an ancient mogu crypt called Mogushan Terrace in Kun-Lai Summit. It's inhabited by a who's-who of mogu spirits and ancient guardians, which are in place to defend what turns out to be a Titan complex, complete with a deactivated guardian called Elegon and a device that manufactures new mogu right there on the spot, much like what we found in the Halls of Stone back on Northrend. The mogu began as a race of Titan servants, just like the dwarves and gnomes did, but if they ever had a Keeper, he's nowhere to be seen.

Our next challenges take place in the Heart of Fear in the Dread Wastes, the Sha-corrupted mantid hive where the former Empress now rules, and the pandaren's Terrace of Endless Spring, a shrine that's now the home of the freed Sha of Fear. We kill both the Empress and the Sha in turn, returning control of the mantid to the Klaaxi and purifying the shrine.

Shortly afterward, the Alliance and Horde arrive on the shores of Pandaria in force, building settlements on the southern coastline. Anduin meets his father there and keeps playing diplomat, but Garrosh has learned about an ancient mogu super-weapon called the Divine Bell. Blood elf archeologists dig the Bell up for Garrosh, but the Alliance makes off with it before he can use it; the Horde promptly breaks into Darnassus to steal it back. Garrosh tries to use the Bell to create a new breed of super-orcs without success before Anduin destroys it, which nearly kills Anduin.

The theft of the Divine Bell has other consequences. Jaina Proudmoore, now head of the Kirin Tor, has been trying to get her head together since the destruction of Theramore. Just as she's returning to her previous peace efforts, she discovers that the Sunreavers, a faction of blood elves within the Kirin Tor, went against her orders and helped the Horde steal the Divine Bell. (We later find out, out of game, that the leader of the Sunreavers had to make a call between pissing Jaina off and pissing Garrosh off, and he chose Jaina.) Jaina promptly goes on a rampage alongside Vereesa Windrunner, Rhonin's widow, and they kick the blood elves and Horde out of Dalaran entirely.

Jaina and Vereesa reestablish the Kirin Tor as an explicitly Alliance-aligned force, while Lor'themar Theron and the Sunreavers regroup to oppose her. Both organizations take the lead as their respective factions move to invade the Isle of Thunder, where the Zandalari and mogu are gathered under Lei Shen's command. We break into Lei Shen's ancient fortress, the Throne of Thunder, to find that Lei Shen's not taking us particularly seriously; he dumps us into his castle's sewer system and we're forced to fight all the way back up to him.

We defeat Lei Shen, wiping out the last of the Zandalari's unified troll forces along the way. Both major factions end up with something else in the end; the blood elves learn the secret to creating the mogu's anima golems, which become a fixture of their war efforts from here on out, while Jaina uses her staff to absorb power from the fallen Lei Shen.

Wrathion also asks us to perform a task for us while we're in the Throne of Thunder: bring him Lei Shen's heart. Wrathion eats it in front of us, which prevents Lei Shen from ever being resurrected again, and it puts him into a fugue state. Wrathion says aloud that "we must rebuild the final Titan," but remembers nothing afterward.

Finally, there's one last secret in the Throne: a hidden prison. The mogu were created to assist Ra-den, one of the Titans' Keepers, but they rebelled against him, stole his powers, and chained him up down here for millennia. He's understandably angry when we let him out, and initially intends to go on a rampage across the planet, but we hold him back long enough for him to come to his senses.

Meanwhile, Garrosh's run as warchief has made him plenty of enemies. The pursuit of the Divine Bell killed a lot of the blood elves' archeologists, Vol'jin has never really cared for him, and Garrosh  killed Baine's father Cairne. When Garrosh tries to have Vol'jin quietly assassinated, it spurs the beginning of what becomes the Darkspear Revolution. Vol'jin's Horde and its supporters in the Alliance attack and harrass the camps and supply lines in the Barrens, attempting to isolate Garrosh's forces in Orgrimmar.

Garrosh decides to pursue a new tactic, and has some goblins dig up the sacred Vale of Eternal Blossoms in Pandaria. They quickly discover the source of the whole "Sha" problem: the heart of the dead Old God Y'shaarj, held in an ancient Titan vault. Garrosh claims the heart as his own, and in so doing, releases a wave of Sha power that blows up a big part of the Vale, kills many of its protectors, and corrupts the magical water that fuels Pandaria's agriculture. This is the last straw for the pandaren; they're only kept from exiling the Horde from Pandaria by some fast talking from Dezco.

After we deal with the various monsters that now inhabit the Vale, including the Sha of Pride, we besiege Orgrimmar. This means carving up Garrosh's retinue of Dragonmaw orcs, im-7-ported Kor'kron, a handful of ride-or-die loyalists like General Nazgrim, the Klaaxi (who regard Garrosh's possession of the heart or Y’shaarj as proof that he's on their team), and the Blackfuse Company, a high-tech group of goblin mercenaries.

Garrosh himself is holed up in a chamber underneath the city, waiting for all comers to try to take him down. He initially defends himself with goblin technology and orc reinforcements, but as the fight wears on, he repeatedly siphons power from Y'shaarj's heart, employing it to summon Sha and turn his angry outbursts into reality. This culminates in a fight where we literally battle Garrosh inside a vision of his ideal future: the burned-out wreckage of Stormwind Harbor, besieged by a True Horde navy, with all of Garrosh's enemies impaled atop its walls.

When we defeat him, it also renders Y'shaarj's heart inert; Garrosh drained all the power it had left to fight us. Thrall is about to kill Garrosh when Varian steps in to parry the blow, saying that Garrosh deserves to face a trial for his crimes. Garrosh is placed in the custody of the Shado-Pan, Pandaria's martial order of monks. Despite Jaina's urging, Varian leaves the Horde alone at this point, refusing to launch a decapitation strike while the Horde is weak; their cooperation for the sake of the rebellion, he says, has earned them that much goodwill.

When he hears about it, this infuriates Wrathion. His whole plan, as it turns out, was trying to force one side or another to win the war and unify Azeroth under a single banner, because that's what it will take to protect Azeroth when the Burning Legion returns. He pitches a fit and retreats behind the scenes.

before Warlords of Draenor While we were besieging Orgrimmar, we also happened to find a place called the Timeless Isle off the coast of Pandaria, where time itself seems to stand still. A new organization called the Timewalkers, mortals who're trying to take up where the bronze dragonflight left off, has set up shop there alongside a bronze dragon named Kairos. We collect a particular kind of stone for Kairos from the Isle as part of a weekly quest, and Kairos uses those stones to empower a relic called the Vision of Time, which gives us glimpses of the near-future.

Garrosh's trial takes place in the novel War Crimes. A completely unrepentant Garrosh is about to be convicted of all charges when Kairos attacks the trial, sending in a mixed force of Dragonmaw orcs, hired mercenaries, and dark alternate-universe versions of Thrall, Vol'jin, Baine, and Anduin. The attack doesn't go well for Kairos's side, but he's able to escape with Garrosh and Warlord Zaela.

Warlords of Draenor One day, the Dark Portal changes color and a bunch of brown, technologically-advanced orcs, calling themselves the Iron Horde, come storming into the Blasted Lands. They destroy Nethergarde Keep, but are repulsed before they can cause too much additional damage. A detachment led by Warlord Zaela gets as far as the ruins of the Blackrock Spire before it's pinned down and wiped out.

Khadgar reappears on Azeroth to help us deal with the Iron Horde. He leads a small force of Thrall, Vindicator Maraad (the draenei paladin from the [i]Burning Crusade[/i] intro movie; Garona Halforcen's uncle), us, and a few dozen redshirt adventurers back through the Dark Portal.

This leads us back and sideways in time, to a version of Draenor as it was 30 years ago, before Gul'dan blew up the place and turned it into Outland. It's not a perfect 100% matchup with the events of our own timeline--some characters who had died are inexplicably alive (Ner'zhul's wife Rulkan), and some were never born (Garrosh himself)--but the broad strokes are there.

The Iron Horde consists of the unified and industrialized Blackrock, Shadowmoon, Bleeding Hollow, Thunderlord, Burning Blade, and Shattered Hand clans, backed up by what's left of the Blackfuse Company from our timeline and enslaved Draenor locals. They're led by the old orcish Warlords: Blackhand, Grom Hellscream, Korgath Bladefist, Orgrim Doomhammer, Killrogg Deadeye, and Ner'zhul.

We emerge from the Dark Portal into Tanaan Jungle, the verdant wilderness that would eventually become Hellfire Peninsula, and end up face-to-face with a massive army of Iron Horde soldiers. As our redshirt crew fights a desperate holding action against them, we search for a way in which we can close the Dark Portal for good.

Unfortunately, the first step towards doing so is to free the three Shadow Council warlocks who were being used as the Portal's power source: Teron'gor, Cho'gall, and Gul'dan. They make a break for it as we escape into the jungle with Khadgar, Thrall, and Maraad, one step ahead of the Iron Horde.

We subsequently find and free two important characters from the Iron Horde's slave camps. One is Yrel, a young draenei who takes up a weapon for the first time to help free herself; the other is Ga'nar, Durotan's brother, who's being forced to muck out the Iron Horde's latrines. Ga'nar will sacrifice himself later on, as Horde players fight to save the Frostwolf clan from the Iron Horde; Yrel goes on to rapidly climb the ranks of the Vindicators, and is eventually appointed as an Exarch of the alternate draenei.

In the end, we manage to destroy the Dark Portal on this side by turning the Iron Horde's own weapons against it, then steal a couple of battleships from the harbor to make our escape. The Alliance makes a trip to the alternate Shadowmoon Valley, where draenei civilization is at its height, and meets the alternate Velen; the Horde hole up in Frostfire Ridge, home of the stubbornly independent Frostwolf Clan, and save it from being crushed beneath the Iron Horde's heel.

We establish a garrison with a skeleton crew (a process which is supposed to take several months in-game), then set about the business of dealing with the Iron Horde. Our local allies include the Frostwolves, the Laughing Skull clan, the local draenei, and the maimed, outcast arakkoa.

Some of the biggest threats we face come from Draenor itself. The planet is overrun with lethal wildlife, mind-control spores, poisonous flora, the hostile plant-men known as botani, and savage cat-people called saberon. The Spires of Arak, a mountain range to the south of Shattrath City, hosts a violent power struggle between the winged arakkoa and their outcasts, with the winged arakkoa's leader Viryx attacking the outcasts' settlements from their flying citadel of Skyreach. Gul'dan probably did the universe a favor by blowing this place up.

Now that we're here, however, the Iron Horde turns out to be something of a paper tiger. We make substantial gains against them, though it costs us and our allies dearly. Orgrim Doomhammer turns on Blackhand as they besiege Shattrath City; Blackhand kills Doomhammer and Vindicator Maraad, but is fought to a standstill by Yrel and Durotan. Khadgar subsequently blows up Blackhand's flagship with him on it, which doesn't kill Blackhand, but which does halt the Iron Horde's offensive in Talador.

We finally catch up to Garrosh in Nagrand, who's crippled from his defeat underneath Orgrimmar, but he's still become a high-ranking leader in the alternate Warsong clan. Thrall shows up to steal the kill, challenges Garrosh to a duel to the death, and takes him out with a bolt of lightning.

We also dispatch Ner'zhul in the ancient Shadowmoon Burial Grounds, as he's continuing the process of weaponizing his clan's ancestral spirits; Kargath Bladefist and the alternate Cho'gall are killed as we invade the city of Highmaul, dismantling the ogres' Gorian Empire, which eliminates one of the Iron Horde's most powerful allies; and Blackhand dies as we bring down the Blackrock Foundry, which tears the heart out of the Iron Horde's war production.

An additional complication arises in Talador, in the ancient draenei city of Auchindoun, which is a repository for the spirits of their dead. The first thing Teron'gor did upon being freed was to call in the Legion to help him besiege the place, and the draenei have pulled most of their forces back to deal with that. We're able to drive the Iron Horde back into the jungles of Tanaan, but the Shadow Council--Gul'dan's organization of assorted warlocks--retains hold of Shattrath's lower city.

Worse news, the Auchenai who guard the interior of Auchindoun have been heavily infiltrated by the Sargerai, renegade draenei who have turned against Velen and entered the Legion's service. We enter just as they show their hand, which gives Teron'gor a chance to enter the city and siphon power from the fallen draenei's spirits. We give him everything he wants by throwing him off a ledge into the depths of Auchindoun, seemingly killing him via spiritual overdose.

Meanwhile, Khadgar has been investigating Garrosh's time skip, as well as chasing the conspicuously absent alternate Gul'dan. With Chromie's help, we find out Kairos's plan: he used the Vision of Time to find a specific alternate universe, then brought himself and Garrosh into it at an earlier point on its timeline. Garrosh was able to stop Grom and the other orcs from drinking Mannoroth's blood, then talked his way into a position as a war leader and prophet. With his gifts of technology from modern Azeroth, Garrosh worked to unify the orc clans into a single, overwhelming force. He's been working on this for a few years.

Kairos wanted to use Garrosh's uncorrupted, modernized and unified Horde as a vanguard against the Burning Legion, pulling in yet more troops for it from other alternate timelines: an infinite Iron Horde to oppose the infinite Legion. Garrosh wasn't interested in being Kairos's pawn, however, and stabbed Kairos to death with a shard of the Vision of Time.

Khadgar continues to pursue the alternate Gul'dan, employing us to bring him relics and supplies with which to overcome Gul'dan's wards against detection. Gul'dan reacts by dispatching the alternate-universe version of Garona Halforcen to kill Khadgar; she initially fails, and is chased off by Khadgar's bodyguard, the Warden Cordana Felsong. Garona's second attempt is more successful, but he's saved by our intervention. We capture Garona, but interrogation proves pointless due to Gul'dan's control over her.

At Khadgar's request, we steal an artifact called the Orb of Dominion from the Shadow Council, which he uses to break Gul'dan's conditioning on the alternate Garona. Khadgar entrusts the Orb to Cordana for disposal.

With Garona's help, we finally track down Gul'dan, just as he's offering a fresh dose of demon blood to what's left of the Iron Horde. The lone holdout against this plan is Grom Hellscream, who ends up as a captive; the rest of the Iron Horde takes Gul'dan's offer. Tanaan Jungle rapidly turns into a fel-corrupted hellscape, surrounded by encampments of demons, corrupted orcs, and traitorous draenei. We build a shipyard in our garrison to make a naval invasion possible, then establish beachheads nearby and go on the offensive.

The Iron Horde's final stand takes place at Hellfire Citadel, where we have to go through the newly corrupted orcs, the last of the goblin mercenaries that Garrosh brought with him, a division of the Sargerei, and a heavily mutated Teron'gor, who's gotten fat and sassy off of Auchindoun's souls and now calls himself Gorefiend. We find Grom along the way, who's being tortured by demons in the citadel's upper floors, and free him.

One of Khadgar's incidental requests for us, while we're burning down Hellfire Citadel, is to find a series of spellbooks called Tomes of Chaos, which Gul'dan's using to train up the next generation of warlocks. When we collect the set, we're sent to Cordana Felsong for help disposing of them, only to find out that Cordana has changed teams. The Orb of Dominion played upon the doubts she already had about Khadgar and convinced her to join Gul'dan. We fight her briefly, destroying the Tomes of Chaos in the process, before she escapes through a portal.

When we finally reach Gul'dan, he throws a resurrected Mannoroth at us, then ducks out and finishes what he started: bringing Archimonde himself to Draenor. With backup from Grom, Yrel, and Khadgar, we engage and kill Archimonde on even terms in the Twisting Nether, because we've gotten [i]that much[/i] more powerful, but before he drops, Archimonde tosses Gul'dan through a portal. The Iron Horde is gone; this version of Draenor is free; Archimonde may be dead for good, since there's only one Twisting Nether; and we inexplicably do not throw Grom Hellscream down several flights of stairs.

before Legion The alternate Gul'dan ends up on present-day Azeroth with Kil'jaeden's voice in his head. With his directions, Gul'dan dodges Khadgar and Maiev Shadowsong long enough to reach the Tomb of Sargeras on the Broken Isles. Gul'dan almost screws over Kil'jaeden and the Legion to take the power of the Tomb for himself, but decides he'd rather not face Azeroth's adventurers without the Legion at his back. Gul'dan then enables the Burning Legion's third invasion of Azeroth by tearing open the Tomb, while Khadgar and Maiev escape to tell the rest of the world what's just happened.

While he's in the Broken Isles, Gul'dan and the Legion besiege the ancient city of Suramar. He offers its ruler, Empress Elisande, a deal: let their defenses down and let him have access to the Nightwell, or eventually get crushed underneath the Legion's heel. Elisande and company decide to throw in with Gul'dan and drive any dissenters into exile, which opens Suramar's walls for the first time in millennia. The exiles, deprived of the energies of the Nightwell, slowly become mindless Withered, wandering the countryside looking for mana to feed upon.

Gul'dan also has the corrupted Cordana Felsong let him into the Vault of the Wardens. Maiev lets out the imprisoned Illidari in order to repulse Gul'dan's forces, but it's not enough to keep him and Cordana from stealing the corpse of Illidan Stormrage.

The Alliance and Horde dispatch all the forces they can muster to the Broken Isles. We discover on arrival that the Legion isn't scraping by with its usual handful of local traitors and summoned demons; it's actually here in force, reinforced by giant fel-powered ships, and has established a beachhead on the Broken Shore.

We were beaten here by a division of the Argent Crusade, led by Tirion Fordring; most are dead or permanently mind-controlled, and Tirion himself is mortally wounded before our eyes. When we confront Gul'dan, he responds by summoning a who's-who of former raid bosses and a virtually infinite army of demons. The Alliance takes him head-on, with the Horde watching its flank from a nearby cliff.

The Horde's position is quickly overrun by demons. Vol'jin is mortally wounded, and his last order is to Sylvanas, telling her to sound a general retreat. From the ground, it appears as if the Horde simply and quietly withdraws from the battlefield, which enrages Genn Greymane; this isn't helped when, seconds later, Varian Wrynn sacrifices himself to give the remaining Alliance forces a chance to escape.

(Rogues will later discover that the Alliance’s intelligence service SI:7 is heavily infiltrated by the Legion, thus explaining the lack of diplomatic solutions here.)

Upon our return to our respective capitals, the Alliance and Horde have lost much of their remaining military in the failed attack. Anduin is appointed the King of Stormwind, and a dying Vol'jin selects Sylvanas to replace him as the Horde's Warchief. At Varian and Vol'jin's funerals, the Illidari introduce themselves to our faction leaders and expose a frankly ridiculous number of Legion infiltrators in the surrounding area. With their help, we act to repel a series of Legion invasions throughout Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms, thus power-leveling our alts.

Khadgar attempts to negotiate with Jaina to allow the Horde back into Dalaran, and Jaina loses the ensuing vote in the Council of Six. She angrily steps down and leaves, while Khadgar quietly takes her former position.

Magni Bronzebeard suddenly wakes up, now animate but still carved from living diamond. We, Khadgar, and Brann follow him to Ulduar, where he tells us what he's learned. Magni is now the Speaker for Azeroth itself, and a non-trivial amount of everything that's happened so far is because Azeroth itself is a sleeping, baby Titan. If the Legion can corrupt or destroy it, that's going to be the end; it's going to win.

We and Khadgar go to Karazhan to find an old book about five ancient artifacts called the Pillars of Creation, which can be used to close the Tomb of Sargeras again and drive off the Legion. All five are found somewhere in the Broken Isles.

Legion Khadgar and the rest of the Council of Six teleport Dalaran to the skies south of the Broken Isles so we can use it as a staging ground for our expedition.

As we arrive, we're approached by representatives of our various classes. We are placed in charge of our classes’ various order halls, because we're astonishingly powerful veterans of multiple campaigns, and sent in search of various artifact weapons that we can use against the Legion.

Noteworthy artifacts here include the Ashbringer, which retribution paladins receive upon rescuing a dying Tirion from the dreadlord Balnazzar; the Scythe of Elune, taken from the Dark Riders in Duskwood and used to empower balance druids; Garona Halforcen's daggers, the Kingslayers, which she gladly gives to a deserving assassination rogue; the Blades of the Fallen Prince, which frost death knights forge from the remaining shards of Frostmourne; and the Blade of the Black Empire, a dagger that whispers in the ears of shadow priests, who are suddenly using a lot more explicitly Old Godly power than they used to be.

Thus equipped, we investigate the various Broken Isles in search of the Pillars of Creation, which Khadgar lets us stow safely in the Hall of the Guardian in Dalaran.

The Tidestone of Golgonneth Azsuna is covered in night elven ruins, and the Legion has claimed significant territory along its coastlines. We initially enter the zone as reinforcements for the Illidari, but as we investigate further, the island is heavily contested. The southern coast is home to a band of pirates, as well as hostile makura and gilbins; Queen Azshara has sent a battalion of naga in an attempt to conquer the island; the Vault of the Wardens is on an island to the southeast, and is still heavily besieged by powerful demons, which are barely kept at bay by the Wardens; and Azsuna is home to Senegos, one of the surviving elders of the blue dragonflight, who's trying to keep what could be the last generation of blue dragons safe from a bizarre, mana-feeding group of elves that's preying on them.

Most importantly, the central ruins are inhabited by the ghostly Court of Farondis, a group of Highborne night elves who were condemned to undeath by Queen Azshara millennia ago, when their eponymous leader made the mistake of disagreeing with her. They've kept one of the Pillars of Creation, the Tidestone of Golgonneth, safe all this time, locked inside the ruins of their magical academy and "guarded" by ghostly teachers who still think class is in session. When we play along with the ghosts to get the Tidestone, we're jumped by naga who steal it from us, and are freed from capitivity by Farondis. We pursue the naga to another island, the Eye of Azshara, and interrupt them before they can use the Tidestone to summon an elemental called the Wrath of Azshara.

The Tears of Elune The practice of druidism began on Azeroth in the forests of Val'sharah, which is also the birthplace of Illidan and Malfurion Stormrage. Malfurion greets us on arrival, where we discover that Ysera, the former Aspect of Nature, has been bound into magical sleep by an unknown force. We investigate, and discover that many of the druids' encampments throughout Val'sharah have been destroyed or besieged by the Legion. This is all at the direction of the satyr Xavius, who's also stolen the Tears of Elune--one of the Pillars of Creation--from the temple where they were being kept.

We rescue who we can, and the remaining druids are able to awaken Ysera. Unfortunately for all involved, Xavius abducts Malfurion, then uses the Tears to corrupt Ysera, forcing the druids and Tyrande Whisperwind to kill her. Elune takes pity on the fallen Ysera and turns her into a constellation. Xavius goes into hiding thereafter, but we face his Shade in the nearby Darkheart Thicket, slaying it, reclaiming the Tears, and rescuing Malfurion.

Xavius holes up in the Emerald Nightmare via the corrupted world tree, Shaladrassil. Alongside Malfurion, we give chase, and are forced to fight several former guardians of nature who Xavius or the Nightmare have managed to taint. Eventually, we face off against Xavius and kill him, turning him back into a night elf and ending the Emerald Nightmare for good.

Also, before we even got to Val'sharah, Gul'dan performed a ritual in Black Rook Hold that separated Illidan's soul from his corpse, and had Helya stow Illidan's soul in Helheim. A side effect of the ritual was reawakening the spirits of the dead night elves that used to inhabit the fortress back during the War of the Ancients, most of whom do not recognize that time has passed, and who are striking out into the countryside to harrass the nearby village of Bradensbrook. We go ahead and clean that up while we're at it; as it turns out, the spirits aren't entirely to blame, as they're being manipulated by Legion infiltrators.

The Hammer of Khaz'goroth In Highmountain, the ancient home of the tauren, we meet Mayla Highmountain, the brand-new chieftain of the assembled tribes. Due to her inexperience and the imminent threat of the Legion, the old tribal alliegiances have crumbled. We go out on Mayla's behalf to play peacemaker, assisting each tribe in turn with its local problems and convincing them to once again commit to Mayla's council.

Along the way, we discover one of the most closely-guarded secrets of Highmountain: Mayla's advisor Ebonhorn is secretly a black dragon, who was purified of Deathwing's taint by one of Mayla's ancestors. The Highmountain tauren have been allowed to believe that Ebonhorn's family line advises the chieftain, when in fact it's been the same guy for centuries.

By the time we get around to attempting diplomacy with the Bloodtotem tribe, we find out the Legion beat us to it. The Bloodtotem are now the Feltotem, who are being instructed in the finer points of demonology by Legion mages. We also discover that the Pillar we're here to find, the Hammer of Khaz'goroth, is in the hands of the Underking, who rules the drogbar, a species of cave-dwelling humanoids who are the local tauren's traditional enemies. Our first few encounters with the Underking go poorly, as he seems to be unstoppable as long as he's got the Hammer, but we soon find out that his lust for power has turned many of his own people against him. We make an alliance with a splinter group of drogbar, bringing them onto the tribal council of Highmountain in the Bloodtotem's place.

With the drogbar's help, we're able to force the Underking and his allies back into their caverns, in an underground tunnel system called Neltharion's Lair. There, we face and defeat him, reclaiming the Hammer.

The Aegis of Aggramar Stormheim is the home of several tribes of vrykul, who have built a culture amongst the local titan ruins. At the behest of Havi, a friendly older vrykul, we set out to pass a battery of Titan-devised tests to prove we're worthy of the Aegis of Aggramar. We win through, but end up in contention for the Aegis with the vrykul God-King Scovald, whose entire tribe, the Tideskorn, has thrown in with the Legion. The final tests for the Aegis are conducted in the Halls of Valor by Odyn, one of the Titans' Keepers, and pit us against vrkyul elders, val'kyr sorceresses, and Odyn himself. Scovald tries to swipe the Aegis, but we beat him down and claim it for ourselves.

Sylvanas Windrunner has also come to Stormheim on business of her own. Anduin makes his first big kingly mistake by sending Genn Greymane and Captain Amelia Rogers aboard the Skyfire to Stormheim on an "observation" mission; he's either ignorant of or has forgotten that both Genn and Rogers have specific grievances with Sylvanas and the Forsaken. Genn and Rogers start a fight immediately; most of the Forsaken's ships get sunk, but they retaliate and destroy the Skyfire.

Sylvanas's business in Stormheim involves an attempt to press new Val'kyr into service, starting with their goddess Eyir, and an unspecified deal with Helya. Whatever her plan was, Genn Greymane scuttles it by freeing Eyir, though he’s wounded in the process.

A Falling Star Khadgar asks us to investigate a bizarre meteorite impact off the coast of Suramar. When we go out there, we find an odd Light-attuned crystal. Returning it to Khadgar causes it to play a message intended for him, from "High Exarch" Turalyon of the "Army of the Light." It's crucial to the fight against the Legion that we bring this object to Prophet Velen immediately

Khadgar teleports us to the Exodar, which has come under direct attack by a battalion of the Legion. The draenei are losing, and Velen has been forced to go on the defensive, keeping the civilian population safe behind a dome of light. We even the odds for them by destroying the Legion's portal system, cutting off the Legion's reinforcements, and have a quick talk with Velen. The object we found is called Light's Heart, the core of a prime Naaru, which can only be reactivated by the touch of another Naaru in its line of descent. O'ros, the Naaru who lives in the heart of the Exodar, is the last living Naaru who fits the bill. The Legion also knew that, however, and their entire attack on the Exodar was to get at O'ros. We arrive just before Rakeesh, the Legion's field commander, kills him.

With backup from our class halls, we engage Rakeesh, who prepares a self-destruct system that will wipe the Exodar and everything in it off the map. We manage to kill him before it goes off, but not without opposition from Velen himself, who realizes something at the last second. He had a vision of this moment a long time ago, which he'd thought was irrelevant until now; Rakeesh is Velen's son, corrupted, groomed and sent here specifically by Kil'jaeden as an act of revenge against Velen.

We teleport back to Dalaran with Light's Heart, but not before overhearing Velen give a command to his lieutenants. They're to prepare the Exodar for launch. The draenei are going home.

X'era With O'ros dead, Light's Heart theoretically cannot be activated at all, and we stow it in our order halls for safekeeping. Eventually, we decide to try using the Tears of Elune as a makeshift activator. The ensuing backlash knocks us out for the better part of three days, during which time we speak to the Prime Naaru, X'era. She's received a prophecy about a "Child of Light and Shadow": Illidan Stormrage.

She sends us to several locations to witness key scenes from Illidan's life, including his birth, his death, and his first questionable life decision, where he won a battle in the War of the Ancients (with special guest stars Rhonin and Broxigar) by draining the lives from his Moon Guard to empower himself.

X'era thinks that Illidan must be reborn in order to stop the Legion, and has us gather materials to construct a prism that can hold Illidan's soul. Allari the Souleater, one of the Illidari, tells us that Illidan's soul is in Helheim, in the possession of the renegade valkyr Helya, while Illidan's body is with Gul'dan in the Nighthold.

As luck would have it, Odyn has decided to conduct yet another one of his "tests," the Trial of Valor, which sends us into Helheim in pursuit of Helya. We take her out, which has the useful side effect of freeing Odyn from her curse, and retrieve Illidan's soul. At X'era's request, we hand it over to Khadgar for safekeeping.

Insurrection The final Pillar of Creation, the Eye of Aman'thul, is in the possession of the Grand Empress Elisande: ruler of Suramar City, master of time magic, and Gul'dan's unwilling confederate. She used the Eye centuries ago to create the Nightwell, the font of magical energy that has nourished and protected the Nightborne for all this time. Elisande maintains power in Suramar City by leveraging her control of the Nightwell, as all Nightborne require regular doses of its energy to stay sane and healthy, usually delivered through glasses of arcwine. Loyalty to Elisande is rewarded by ample supplies, while civilians are placed on short rations and troublemakers are exiled or imprisoned.

Safe inside Suramar City, Gul'dan is using the Eye to put a portion of Sargeras himself into Illidan Stormrage's corpse, which will allow an Avatar of Sargeras to walk Azeroth once more. Once again, this would mean the end of the world.

We first investigate Suramar at the behest of the former First Arcanist of the city, Thalyssra, who contacts Dalaran looking for assistance. We help her get to safety in Meredil, a set of ruins north of the city. At her direction, we track down her remaining allies, most of whom have been exiled; the exception is Lyneth Lunastre, who helps us construct a magical disguise that lets us infiltrate Suramar City. This forms the nucleus of a revolutionary movement against Elisande, which uses the image of a Dusk Lily as its name and symbol. With intelligence from Thalyssra, we begin to chip away at Elisande's power base, while scavenging mana from Suramar to help Thalyssra survive.

While we're exploring Suramar, we also happen across an object called an arcan'dor, and nearly get it stolen by the local spider-elves. We recover it, aided and annoyed by the arcan'dor's keeper, and return it to Meredil. There, we discover what it is: the seed of a magical tree. If it can be coaxed into growing and bearing fruit, it may serve as an answer to the exiled Nightborne's withdrawal pangs; they're staving off the Withering process by gorging on whatever bits of mana they can find or steal, but that's a stopgap measure at best. We work with Oculeth, the exiled "telemancer" of Suramar, to redirect ley lines throughout the island so the arcan'dor can grow. The project is a success, giving the Nightfallen a new lease on life and freeing the Nightborne from having to rely on the Nightwell.

This proves to be the beginning of the end for Elisande. Thalyssra puts out a call for aid which is answered by the night, high, and blood elves: the Silver Covenant, a division of Blood Knights, and Darnassian sentinels led by Tyrande Whisperwind. We spearhead their forces and punch through Suramar's defenses, all the way up to the gates of Elisande's fortress, the Nighthold. Elisande responds by catching most of the elves' forces in a time lock, leaving them frozen in place.

We're forced to recruit our usual raid group and find another way into the Nighthold. As is now traditional, we end up sneaking in through the basement, where the Nightborne keep all their failed experiments. The Nighthold itself is packed fat with demons, fel-infused elves, and the most insane mages among the Nightborne, which is actively saying something.

Elisande herself is finally forced to confront us. As she explains, she didn't throw in with Gul'dan because she wanted to, but because she felt she had to. She looked into the future and could not find a single timeline in which the Nightborne were able to survive against the Legion.

Her precognition apparently has limits, however, as she also could not find a single timeline in which we fought her and won. When we defeat her, it means all her searches are now in question. Elisande is left as an echo in time, a fragment of herself, and she decides to change teams.

Finally, we confront Gul'dan on the Nightspire, the highest point in the Nighthold, as he's completing his ritual. Even with what's left of Elisande on our side, he's still a force to be reckoned with. We hold him and his summoned demon allies at bay while Khadgar tries to disrupt Gul'dan's ritual. After a pitched battle, Gul'dan loses his grip on the spell, and Illidan's own soul is crammed back into his body. In an ironic mirror of how Gul'dan finished off Varian Wrynn, a resurrected Illidan disintegrates Gul'dan.

We return to Meredil as heroes, then revisit the Nightwell alongside Thalyssra. The Nightwell is dying, sucked almost dry by Gul'dan, and Thalyssra decides on the spot to let it happen. They're no longer dependent upon the Nightwell for sustenance, and it's time for the Nightborne to chart a new path.

The Tomb of Sargeras Back in Dalaran, Khadgar holds a meeting of our various class orders' commanders, to talk up our successes and figure out our next move. That meeting is spied on by Kil'jaeden himself, who reacts by stepping up the Legion's offensive; not only do the various Broken Isles come under heavy direct attack, but the Legion hits the Broken Shore with its full might, doing all it can to keep us away from the Tomb.

Our orders and forces are rebranded as the Armies of Legionfall, and alongside us, Khadgar, Velen, Maiev, and Illidan, they attack the Broken Shore and create a beachhead there. We make incremental progress against the demons that have colonized the place, hitting them from every direction: the shamans summon elemental lords, the death knights call in aerial bombardments from frost wyrms, the paladins try (and repeatedly fail) to consecrate the area where Tirion fell, etc.

Our first order of business takes us to the Cathedral of Eternal Night, a place of worship that goes all the way back to when the Tomb of Sargeras was a temple to Elune. The Legion currently holds it, and according to Khadgar's research into Aegwynn's tenure as the Guardian, the Aegis of Aggramar can be used in the Cathedral as a "failsafe." Placing it atop the Cathedral should reactivate Aegwynn's wards.

The Armies of Legionfall run interference for us so we can slip into the higher levels of the Cathedral, but by the time we reach the top, they're forcibly pushed back out. It's down to us and Illidan against a dreadlord, and if we didn't have the Aegis with us, we'd have lost the fight.

Placing the Aegis causes an echo of Aegwynn to manifest in the Cathedral. She explains to us that the Pillars of Creation can be used in the Tomb of Sargeras, pushing back against the Legion and eventually severing their connection to Azeroth.

That ends up as our plan. We invade the Tomb, though our ground troops get unceremoniously wiped out in the lobby, and fight past a retinue of Legion forces and deceived ghosts. We install the remaining Pillars of Creation at Aegwynn's anchor points, which shuts down Gul'dan's beacon. The Legion is still a threat, but no longer enjoys infinite access to its forces.

Kil'jaeden is waiting for us in the depths of the Tomb, where we have to face the corrupted Maiden of Vigilance, one of Aegwynn's surviving guardians, and what's left of the defeated Avatar of Sargeras. The Avatar nearly destroys the Tomb itself while we're fighting it, but it falls, and Kil'jaeden hastily ducks through a portal rather than deal with us. To everyone's surprise, Velen gives chase; he's done running.

Kil'jaeden has retreated to his flagship in the Twisting Nether, where he's protected by a who's-who of elite Legion troops. We plow through them with Velen and Illidan, and fight Kil'jaeden himself.

During the battle, while we're wrapped in an unnatural field of darkness, Kil'jaeden gives the order to take his ship to the Legion's homeworld of Argus, far from Azeroth. There, he unleashes the last of his power. The way he sees it, even if he loses, we'll end up marooned on the Legion's homeworld with no way home.

As it turns out, he's wrong. Kil'jaeden falls, but before Velen puts Kil'jaeden out of his misery, Illidan opens a portal back to Azeroth with the Sargerite Keystone. Khadgar teleports us through it and to Azsuna as Kil'jaeden's flagship explodes.

When we recover, we find that Illidan's portal is apparently permanent and hundreds of miles wide. Argus is now visible in the skies of Azeroth with the naked eye.

Shadows of Argus Velen's draenei have built a new spaceship called the Vindicaar, which Velen intends to use to travel back through the rift to Argus. We join him, alongside a force of Exodar vindicators, Illidan, the Nightborne Sigryn, and most of the higher-ups in the Silver Hand.

We make landfall on what's left of Argus, where we discover the Legion, even though it's been effectively decapitated, still has significant defenses in place. The Army of the Light arrives at roughly the same time we do and encounters those defenses first, losing its flagship, the Xenedar, in the process.

On the surface of Argus, we meet its last remaining uncorrupted natives, a tribe of Broken called the Krokul, who've lived for milennia under the Legion's nose. With their help, we rescue as many survivors as we can.

This includes the long-absent Turalyon and Alleria Windrunner. They've been fighting the good fight alongside the Army, in the depths of the Twisting Nether where time and space get a little elastic; as far as they're concerned, it's been a thousand years since they've seen anyone from Azeroth.

With Turalyon, we brave the crash site and rescue the rest of Xe'ra. When reunited with Light's Heart, she awakens, back at full strength... and immediately tries to force Illidan to turn into the "Child of Light and Shadow" she's been babbling about. Illidan, to everyone's surprise, fights back and kills her outright, shattering Xe'ra into bits.

Velen incorporates what's left of Xe'ra into a device called the Netherlight Crucible, designed to empower our artifacts; Turalyon is about to kill Illidan, but is talked down on the basis that the mission is what's important right now. (There's also a fair bit of evidence that X'era might have gotten into Turalyon's head, as his eyes are golden when we meet him and turn brown when Xe'ra dies.)

Unsure as to whether or not we'll be able to win without Xe'ra, we continue our assault on Argus regardless. Magni shows up at one point to help us commune with the world-soul of Argus, which is in tremendous pain. Like Azeroth, Argus contains a sort of baby Titan; unlike Azeroth, Argus has spent millennia being warped and abused by fel energies. The Legion's ability to infinitely bring its troops back from death is due to power they've drawn from Argus himself.

One of Magni's visions from Argus gives us a warning: Sargeras has dispatched the fallen Titan Aggramar to deal with us directly. As we bring down the fortified stronghold of Destiny Point in Krokuun, Aggramar catches up to us and immediately attacks. We're only rescued from death by a timely teleport from the Vindicaar.

Velen proposes a plan. In the Mac'Aree region, which holds the ruins of the former capital of eredar civilization, including its old magic academy the Conservatory of the Arcane, he hopes to find the other two pieces of an old artifact called the Crown of the Triumvirate. It's our best hope for being able to survive against Aggramar.

One of those pieces is found in what's left of the Conservatory, which is still populated by malfunctioning vigilants (the souls of dead draenei, now housed in large suits of armor; we saw and fought a few on Draenor) and old ghosts. One of the former, Quoram, has fallen into disrepair over the years, but can still be reactivated, and he snarkily allows us access to the school grounds. After a battery of tests, we're put up against a ghostly reflection of a young Archimonde, and success lets us walk away with the Sigil of Awakening.

We catch up to Velen shortly thereafter as he and several of the Army of the Light are searching for the Crest of Knowledge, the final piece of the Crown. We rendezvous with them and end up in a fight with Talgath, an eredar huntmaster and the guy who found Velen's people on Draenor back in the day.

Talgath's final words, before Velen finishes him off, give us a clue as to where the Crest might be found. The Naaru L'ura fought on Velen's side during the draenei's escape from Argus, but in the intervening milennia, she's fallen into shadow, just as M'uru did. As we explore the western side of Mac'Aree, we discover that much of it hasn't been fel-corrupted, but instead, has fallen into Void. It's driving the wildlife mad and attracting ethereals who wish to exploit it, and it's all coming from L'ura.

We and Alleria set out to explore the ruins of Oronaar, where we find a number of Krokuul, who have survived but have been driven mad. We also run into an ethereal named Locus-Walker, who has a history with Alleria; he is able to use the Void's power without succumbing to it, unlike most of his people. Locus-Walker guides us past and into several confrontations with them, towards the demi-god Nhal'athoth, a void creature that the ethereals are attempting to summon. We weaken it, but Alleria is able to finish it off.

Alleria moves on with Locus-Walker to the Seat of the Triumvirate, where we end up fighting against the ethereals more directly, including their leadership. We win past them and to L'ura, reclaiming the Crest of Knowledge. When it's placed with the other two parts of the Crown, it empowers the Vindicaar, turning it golden and surrounding it with a powerful shield.

Magni provides us with another vision shortly thereafter, sent to him via his link with the world-soul of Argus. Sargeras has managed to subvert, depower, or corrupt many of his fellow titans with the notable exception of Eonar the Life-Maiden, who's on the run. If we're going to succeed here, we need to find Eonar first.

[cuthie]

Atreyu: Contemplation In Northrend

 Icecrown was a frigid landscape of blackened saronite, frozen wastes and roaming mindless scourge. Betwixt the looming sharpened mountaintops, within the blasting snowstorms, shadowy tendrils stretched out, attempting to corrupt a passing sin’dorei. In the blinding blizzard, the elf was barely affected by the cold and not at all by the obscurity.  Behind a thick leather hood, beneath layers of linen blindfolds, fel orbs peered at the darkness behind them. Spectral sight allowed the demon hunter, Atreyu, to see through almost anything, including the back of his own skull. Dotting the landscape were plenty of drones, as he had come to call the barely functioning scourge, but more pressing was the entity reaching out to him. The shadows wanted to latch onto him, convince him of the truths of their infinite pathways, turn him against his loved ones.

But madness had taken the man years before. It would be difficult for another to take its place.

  A strong tan hand reached out into the cold, manicured nails growing into talons as fel energy began to swell from it’s fingertips. Beneath his cowl bright thick fangs, closer to a shark’s teeth than a kaldorei’s canines, flashed as the elf spoke a simple incantation. Within moments the shadowy tendrils were extinguished beneath the might of a blaze of fel energy, almost casually tossed over the man’s shoulder with expert precision.

  The threat had been but a blip on the radar. Pressing, because the shadows were capable even in such minuscule forms, but almost nothing compared to the larger swaths of void energy surging for miles in either direction. If the illidari had a plan for dealing with the Void, they hadn’t clued him in on it. Not that he reported in to that banner any longer.

  The shyvarri, the satyrs, naga, broken and of course demon hunters had been instrumental in thwarting the Burning Legion. People like Atreyu were born in fel fire, molded in pain and brimstone. Every mission had been a suicide mission, every sacrifice necessary. If Atreyu had to allow ten thousand souls to be harvested, even a million, it would have been worth it. Mortals didn’t recognize the threat of the Legion. A thousand thousand worlds with a billion people on each had already been snuffed out by the time Illidan Stormrage had accepted Sargeras’s gift ten thousand years before. What chance could any have against an infinite undying army of demons and sorcerers?

  Having witnessed the size of the Legion and the destruction it had already wrought, all other threats were.. Nothing. Even the Faction war was nothing, the burning of Teldrassil a footnote in the history of true horrors.But this? The Void?

It was complicated.

  N’zoth was ever the weakest of the brood. The smallest of the Titans had literally plucked one of the Old Gods from the crust of the planet, crushing it between two fingers. Yet the strongest of the Titans, the leader of the Legion, was now held prisoner by Lord Illidan Stormrage. What was N’zoth compared to what Azeroth had already conquered? Nothing! 

  Yet the Void was the reason for the Dark Titan’s own madness. As great an army as Sargeras had rose, it still wasn’t enough to defeat the Void in the giant’s mind. N’zoth may be nothing, but it’s masters? It was hard for Atreyu to fathom their power, but he couldn’t ignore it. He had to take a step back to gain perspective.

  Coming home from Argus, Atreyu had felt a relief he hadn’t known he was capable of. Life had opened up, his destiny was his own to forge. Perhaps he could settle down, find some farmland, start a life. Then war came, again, calling to him. He had fought in the third war. He had followed Kael’thas to Outlands. He had transitioned into a demon hunter, fighting on behalf of the illidari. He had been imprisoned, only to be released to continue fighting the Burning Legion. Then he fought the kaldorei in Darkshore. Ordered to burn Teldrassil, he had little mercy, his tainted soul finding the morbidity of the situation delicious.

  He then fought in Zandalar, Vol’dun, Dezar’alor, Stormsong. He fought the Alliance in the fourth war on several turfs, including Arathi. He fought the Naga in their own parted underwater kingdom. Now he was looking for allies in Northrend, ready to fight the Void. Would the fighting ever end? Would he want it to?

Do you smell that? Frozen flesh. Not as savory, but still delicious.

  The elf had to shake the thought. Once upon a time, he had imagined that he was two souls sharing one body. Perhaps there was truth in that back then, but he soon realized that these foul thoughts were the demonic influence of evil souls and fel magicks wreaking havoc on his own mind. The Void whispered to it’s lunatics, but Atreyu had made his own voices to squabble with.

What had he been contemplating before?

Oh yeah. Perspective.

  Atreyu served Lord Illidan and the Illidari when it mattered most. If Silvermoon fell, if Azeroth crumbled, life could still be saved. Now it was. The Burning Legion had a trillion demons still out there, ready to be squished and eaten. Yet without Sargeras, they were less than nothing. So why did he still fight? Perhaps that was the spirit of the elven soldier he was born with. He served just as his family had before him. His parents, his grandparents, his brother.. Bas’tian. It had been his death that led Atreyu down such a dark twisted path. But he got his vengeance in the end, didn’t he?

  In retrospect, the fourth war bothered him. It hadn’t at the time. He was a soldier, serving. It had been as simple as that. The blood lust he experienced with each fresh kill had motivated him to keep going, fight harder, faster, longer. He had proudly racked up a dozen kills of each Alliance race before Darkshore had been won. You know, before it had been lost again. But why? He couldn’t blame it on a demon inside him any longer. He was the demon inside, always had been. So what drove him to kill, knowing he was wrong but not caring in the moment?

  Someone should have put him down. Should have but didn’t. There had been close calls, especially in Arathi where he had found himself fighting with and against other Demon Hunters. He only ever had remorse after the fact. All of who he was before Outlands, including the potential of who he could have been, was now gone.

  No. That self doubt was another demon. He could rise above who he had been, pave the way for a kinder man to take helm. It was never too late to change, right? An evil God was chained to a night elf in the Great Dark Beyond. The Burning Legion had faced the might of Azeroth and came up wanting. Knowing that, anything was possible.

  And so Atreyu continued his march in the snow, seeking out a mysterious new ‘ally’ that had contacted him through a talking stone. Together they would conquer the shadows of N’zoth and keep Azeroth safe for everyone. Not just the sin’dorei, not just the Horde, but for everyone. You know, everyone who didn’t cross them anyways.

[gameboymania]

My favorite character in Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde

[tipsycad147]

Artemis Of The Moon

https://abstract.desktopnexus.com

Project Created by Kerritwyn )0( © All original material in this site is under copyright protection and is the intellectual property of the author.

Artemis Here is the virgin Goddess, Artemis, Running across the mountains of Taygetos, Or up the steep hills of Erymanthos, Running with her maidens, Running with the deer, Accompanied by birds, Ranging widely in the wilderness, Playful and strong and free and beautiful: The heart of her Mother is glad. Homer, The Odyssey (1) Artemis is the preeminent goddess of classical Greece, though her origins are lost in time and matriarchal goddess worship, and may include a descent from a pre-Indo-European sun goddess.(2) Artemis is known from Greek, Lydian and Etruscan inscriptions and texts, and on very ancient tablets from Pylos.(3) Artemis and Hecate are linked through time, through the moon cycle: Hecate, awesome and linked with death, and Artemis, youthful, beautiful, reflecting the purity of nature, and linked with unmarried motherhood.(4) Hecate and Artemis can be seen through the prism of time as two sides of a mirror, and many qualities attributed to one, in one culture, were passed along to the other, at a different time. Artemis was said by the classical Greeks to be the daughter of Zeus and his mistress, Leto, and the twin sister of Apollo, who was born a day later.(5) Athenian girls of marriageable age dressed as bears and danced to her, and offerings on her altars included phalli, sacrificed animals, fruit, spindles, loom- weights, shuttles, and woollen and linen cloth.(6) Artemis was the protector of all life, but she was also the essence of apparent contradiction: the virgin who promoted promiscuity, the huntress who protected animals, a tree, a bear, the moon.(7) She was the epitome of feminine possibility, changing as a woman does as she moves through her life, and an expression of infinite, explosive and sometimes terrifying power. Virgin. Artemis was viewed as perpetually unmarried, virgin in the sense of being her own woman, subject to no male, though she was often invoked in dying-god fertility and harvest rituals.(8) In this context, virginity symbolised autonomy and independence, and the freedom of the goddess to be her own person, to be true to her own beliefs and instincts, and to pick and choose her lovers freely.(9) Other authors see this aspect of Artemis as an Amazon and a passionate and aggressively sensual lover of women.

Huntress. On the full moon in August, in Ancient Greece, one of the great festivals of Artemis was held, dedicated to Artemis in her aspect as Huntress. She is often depicted with a bow and arrows, and with one or more hounds. A goat was sacrificed to her during this festival, to honour the magickal control she exercised over all animal life. Honouring the savage huntress recognises that life feeds on life. Whether the life we consume is animal or vegetable, we cannot survive unless we devour the bodies of once-living entities.(11) In this form, Artemis was an elemental force, a creature of instinct, who killed certain individual animals, but assured that the species survived, and who killed anyone who hunted pregnant animals or their young.(12) There are few Whom laughing Aphrodite cannot conquer; Artemis is one, For she is already in love with the hunt, With the bow and the quiver full of arrows, With the sound and the scent of the chase, The songs and calls of the hunters, And the fierce blood shed by Wild boar and deer as they die In the shadowy forest glades; And the dancing, later, To the music of lyres Among right-living people. Homer Artemis also used her bow and arrows for specific acts of justice and vengeance. When her mother, Leto, was angered by the bragging of Queen Niobe that her own children were superior to Leto's, and called upon her archer daughter for vengeance, Artemis killed all of Niobe's offspring, and turned Niobe into a block of black stone, from which a weeping fountain endlessly poured. Artemis also killed the serpent, Python, and the giant, Tityus, for tormenting her mother, and the spying hunter, Achteon, who secretly watched Artemis at her bath. Artemis executed him by turning him into a stag, and setting her own hounds upon him. Dozens of others were allegedly killed by Artemis, according to Greek myths. Artemis also inflicted Teuthras with leprosy, so that he would die slowly and miserably, when he killed one of her sacred pigs.(14) In addition to being an aloof and balanced game warden, this aspect of Artemis was also a ruthless and swift force for vengeance against sacrilege or insult to the goddess, or on behalf of any woman or female creature who was cruelly treated.

Matron of Birthing Mothers. Artemis was invoked by women in childbirth, as Artemis Eileithyia, and was also considered the protector of young girls. In contrast, in another form, as Artemis Brauronia, she was said to have aroused madness in birthing mothers, and her anger could cause the death of a woman in childbirth.(16) Moon Goddess. As she is most typically pictured in Western Art, Artemis is the virginal moon goddess roaming the forest with her female band, bearing a bow and a quiver of arrows, avoiding men, and killing any many who looked upon her. In an even more ancient association, her name has been said to mean 'High Source of Water', and the Moon is considered to be the source and ruler of all water, and of the tides of the ocean, and of the menstrual cycle.Some depictions of Artemis combine the lunar crescent with the archer's bow, and show her bending the moon into the sickle shape, and aiming an arrow through it. Dark Goddess. In Sparta, her dark aspect was worshipped as Taurian Artemis, allegedly with an annual human sacrifice, which was later modified to ritual flagellation. Ephesus. The many-breasted Artemis of Ephesus was worshipped as a fertility goddess, in a temple which was said to be one of the seven wonders of the ancient world.(21) This temple at Ephesus is believed to have been originally built by the Amazons (1000-600 B.C.E. (22)), and was destroyed by barbarian hordes in the middle of the 3rd century.(23) King Croesus rebuilt the temple 100 years later, and it's chief object of love and adoration, mentioned in the Acts of Apostles, was a palm-wood statue of Artemis. She received many rich gifts, including gold and silver awnings and garments for the statue, which were regularly changed, and which included golden sculptured grapes, giving the appearance of many breasts.(24) Artemis was served by chaste priestesses called Mellisai, or "bees", and by eunuch priests.(25) The temple continued to be a place of reverence until approximately 400 A.D., when Christians allegedly destroyed it.(26)

Temple of Artemis at Ephesus

Magickal Associations. Bears, the fiercest animal mothers, are sacred to Artemis, and she is associated with the constellation of Ursa Major. Guinea fowl are her birds. Her magickal number is 777. Her Tarot cards are Nines, the High Priestess and the Temperance card. The gems associated with her are quartz, moonstone, pearl and crystal. The plants associated with her are artemisia (one form of which is dusty miller, often known as wormwood because it is said Artemis wormed her hounds with it, banyon, mandrake, damiana, almond, mugwort, hazel and moonwort. The animals associated with her are the elephant, dog, centaur and horse. The mineral associated with her is lead. Her perfumes are jasmine, ginseng, menstrual blood, and all sweet, virginal odours. Her magickal weapons are perfumes, fleet sandals, and the bow and arrow. Other concurrent names for her were Callisto, Cynthia, Delia, Phoebe, Pythia and Parthenos. She was subsequently adopted into the Roman pantheon as the goddess Diana. 

Spells.

http://majorolympians.com

Much magick invokes Artemis, because of her extraordinary depth and complexity. Out of the wealth of possibilities, here is one lovely example: Woodland Love Spell This spell is designed for those seeking a female lover, using earth-focused forest energy and woodland spirits. On a bright and sunny day, go to a favorite spot in the woods, with fruit, cheese, bread, a knife, a felt tip pen, a small piece of rose quartz, and some green cord. Get comfortable, let go of the mundane world, and tune into the life of the woods around you. Cut a slice of bread, a cube of cheese and a piece of fruit, and bury them in a hold you have dug at the base of a nearby tree. Then, on a large broad leaf, write with your pen: Lady of the Forest, Lady of the vine, Bring to me The love that is mine. Blessed Be. Wrap the leaf carefully around the rose quartz, tie it with the green cord, and raise earth energy to charge your charm. Place the charged charm on top of the buried food, and chant: Oh Ancient Huntress, I come seeking you. Come to me, Artemis, Mistress of the Hunt, Earth Daughter, Green Mother, Lover, Creatrix. Bring me a woman suited to be my partner. I will accept and love the one you choose to Embody yourself within. Let us bind together, Play together, Love together, Entwining our souls and minds, Entwining our hearts and bodies, Entwining our paths and lives. So mote it be.

Poem & Invocation to Artemis

Fierce Goddess By Kerritwyn )0( Mighty Goddess, Proud and free, Tall and strong, Swift as the wind, Fill me with the fierce joy Of your riotous passion. Noble Goddess, Stern in punishment, Brooking no cruelty, Suffering no mockery, Fill me with the fierce joy Of your righteous vengeance. Mesmerising Goddess, Changing with the moon, White as ice, Red as blood, Fill me with the fierce joy Of your female mysteries. Artemis and Achteon by Boris Vallejo

http://www.orderwhitemoon.org/goddess/artemis-moon/Artemis2.html

[miss-pyrrha-nikos-isms]

☪

5 times our muses almost held hands and one time they did.

1.       Snowball Fight

A flurry of snow had hit Beacon in the middle of November, fluffy white flakes fell overnight coating the Academy in a blanket of brilliance. Between Nora’s excitement and Pyrrha’s enthusiasm, it was only natural that team JNPR found themselves caught in a snowball fight for hours. At first, it was just those four, but where there was chaos, one would find team RWBY as well. Soon their impromptu war had drawn in a good portion of Beacon’s student populace.

It wasn’t that Pyrrha had never seen snow before. Her home in Mistral was high in the mountains and snows were frequent enough, but she’d never had the opportunity to enjoy it. Given the option now, Pyrrha indulged herself and joined Nora in making snow-people and Grimm, throwing snowballs and getting into the spirit of things.

When afternoon rolled around, snow castles had been built, lines in the snow had been drawn and, to say the least, things escalated quickly. War loomed.

The world was white and crisp, laughter and cold.

Hours afterwards, grinning and exhausted, they came in from the cold to the glorious smell of hot cocoa provided by Ren. Peeling off her gloves, the redhead smiled her thanks and attempted to take a cup. She winced and gasped as a sharp lance of pain shot up her hands.

“Here, let me help. I run pretty hot.” That voice broke straight through the warm fog exhaustion cast over her thoughts. It was always welcome but never failed to put her on edge.

Before she knew what was happening, warm hands grasped hers, drawing them together then upwards. A warmth flushed her face that had nothing to do with being indoors as he breathed over her frozen hands and hugged them with his own.

‘Oh Jaune, you have no idea.’

A tingle of warmth bloomed that had nothing to do with being out of the cold.  

2.       Inspiration

She had an idea that simply couldn’t wait. In a brief flash of inspiration, it suddenly came to her that Pyrrha could fix everything in a simple stroke. Cardin’s bullying, Jaune’s self-confidence, their team’s performance in classes, her own wish to be closer… But this wasn’t about her- of course.

Waiting for Jaune after class, Pyrrha sent Ren and Nora ahead. This wasn’t the sort of proposition you made in front of others. Watching Cardin saunter away, she found her hands passively curling into fists and, in her enthusiasm, she missed the hand she was intending to take, grasping his wrist instead.  

3.       Heartbeat

To say she was impressed by his progress was an understatement. Jaune had developed swiftly since joining Beacon, a recent rematch with Cardin proving such. She was no expert, but it seemed her team leader had been flying high since then. The blonde was learning some of the techniques faster than she could teach them, his mind putting them to use in maneuverers and strategies as he was practising and perfecting it himself.

He was miles beyond the dopey idiot some of their classmates saw him as. If the white-haired heiress could see him now, glowing with the pride of new mastery, exuding self-confidence with every swing and slowly unveiling the warrior she knew he could be, she certainly wouldn’t be so quick to reject his advances. But, that would mean sharing these private sessions of the rooftop, and Pyrrha wasn’t sure she wanted to give them up just yet.

After another bout, the redhead called a break. She was getting better at judging how far she could push her team leader before he started to lose heart. For now, he was beaming. Sweat might have been clinging to his skin, and they both might have been breathing hard, but there was a glow, an air of triumph that both delighted and thrilled her. Victory became him.

Pyrrha could feel herself being drawn into a reverie, so before her partner could find it, or ask what

The Mistrali pulled two juice-boxes from her bag. Turning back to Jaune, she watched as he pulled up the sleeve of his hoodie, his thumb pressing down on his wrist, as part of a training technique she’d taught him early on. If one could take their own pulse, you could measure your recovery after a bout. As it was a tangible difference, something physical and real, Pyrrha thought it might help Jaune mark how far along he was coming.

“Oh, I can never find it.” It was almost a ritual of sorts. He would try, and he would fail, then ask, “Could you find it for me?”

With a bashful smile that had quickly become one of the many points she’d come to love about her partner, he held out a wrist. Swiftly, she stripped her left hand of its glove and gently took the back of his hand in the palm of hers. With practised ease, she found the point and pushed down lightly, feeling the faint ‘thump’ of a heartbeat.

Or rather she would if it weren’t for the thunderous sound of her own heartbeat in her ears.

4.       Ice

“Oh Dust!”

The redhead exclaimed as she stepped onto the ice, her feet immediately coming out from under her. As her knees made contact with the frozen floor, Pyrrha felt an arm grab her own. The sound of laughter made her cheeks burn. Embarrassment wasn’t a feeling she experienced often.

“It’s a bit tricky to start.” Bringing her to the edge, Jaune smiled as he helped her up. Careful to keep his arm under hers, Pyrrha felt their hands brush through gloves. The thought of lacing her fingers through his was tempting, but before she had the chance, Pyrrha was forced to hold onto her team leader’s arm for dear life as the skates threatened to slip from beneath her again.

“Slow and steady…” Jaune patted her arm as he tried to draw her away from the edge. “You got this.”

There was no judgement in that voice. There was the barest amount of humour, but she couldn’t blame him. Puella Invictus defeated by a pair of skates and some frozen water. And yet, under his tutelage, she got better. Within five circuits she was capable of skating on her own.

Pyrrha sincerely hoped he couldn’t tell she had been faking her incompetence for the final two.

 5.       Courage

Ask Pyrrha Nikos to charge a horde of Grimm and she would tear them apart without a second thought. Ask her to take on a challenging interview, and she would smile and ace it. Tests, tournaments, troublesome terrorists, she would happily take on all of them and emerge without a single flaw.

So why now did her courage dry up? Why couldn’t she look at those cerulean eyes and simply keep going, to keep saying how she felt. She urged herself to reach forward, to take his hand in her own and say what had been on her mind since their meeting in the Emerald Forest.

How hard could it be to keep going? She had already spilt her heart out to the man beside her. She had already let him become closer than anyone else had ever come before, what more damage could three simple words do?

And yet, they caught in her throat. She hadn’t been lying when she said it was all but impossible to form a meaningful relationship with anyone, and now that she had one, she wouldn’t risk ruining it over something so juvenile.

Ask her to face down a Death Stalker armed with nothing but her shield and Pyrrha would take it as a challenge. Ask her to take down four Hunters in training at once, and she’d thank you for the opportunity. On the surface, she seemed a figure of infinite courage, but in affairs of the heart, she was a bigger coward than them all.

 +1- Not Alone

She felt as though she was drowning. Everything she had taken for granted about the future was thrown into disarray, and for the first time in her short life, Pyrrha knew fear. Her heart felt like lead as she looked down at her hands. In a few days, they might not even be hers…

The thought chilled her to the bone. As much as she tried to think that it was about carrying hope for Remnant’s future, everything she had wanted to accomplish, it didn’t change that it might not be her. No-one knew what that machine would do to her. Her family, her friends, the ones she treasured so much. She could easily lose them all. But, could she really put them and her own selfishness above the future?

Darkness was approaching. On the breeze, she could hear the sound of the fairgrounds, the life and light that she wanted to protect so badly. Would she still want to do that afterwards? Would she still have her own thoughts? Would she ever be able to forgive herself if any of them got hurt knowing that she could have stopped it?

As her thoughts drifted away, likewise a leaf drifted down from one of the trees. She couldn’t escape this. The wall she leant against felt like ice as the sunlight turned cold on her skin. She was alone, on the smallest, most distant iceberg there was.

In essence, it was simple.

’I don’t want to die’

Her eyes prickled as tears pooled. She wouldn’t let them fall. She couldn’t pity herself at a time like this. Beneath the ground she sat on, there was a girl who struggled for each breath, who fought with everything in her being to just keep going. All to keep hope alive.

How could she even consider saying no, when so many had doubtlessly given more to keep this hope alive? How despicable a person was she?

Her gaze was a thousand miles distant when something pink came into her vision. Looking up, she saw the person she both wanted and feared would be there. She couldn’t summon up her usual smile at his quip. Of course, Jaune was a good enough friend to try and find her after she slipped away. His presence hurt, but she was still loathed to ask him to leave. She didn’t deserve comfort or companionship.

’I don’t deserve your company...‘

Instead of saying that, she robotically thanked him for the sweets. A week ago, her biggest worry would have been how the confectionery would affect her training performance over the next few days. How she longed to turn the clock back that little bit… She tried to pull herself out of it, to give Jaune the attention he deserved, but it was all but impossible. She felt him take a seat beside her, but couldn’t do anything about it. She felt disassociated from her body, like she was floating somewhere high above everything, looking down at a dead girl walking and the boy she was hopelessly in love with.

“You were the first person to ever believe in me, you know that?” As it always did, his voice drew her attention, like it was slowly dragging her out of the mire her thoughts had created and towards clarity. She felt disconnected, but almost on instinct, her head turned towards him.

“Not even my parents. When I came to Beacon they said not the worry if I had to move back home.” His sapphire eyes glanced at her joined with a small smile. “How depressing is that?” He was carrying around pain of his own, and Pyrrha felt herself reflexively try to find a way to help. It might be the last time she had the chance to. She didn’t know what help she could be in this fragmented state, but she could try.

“I’m sure- They didn’t mean…” She floundered, looking for some reason. Jaune’s parents had always seemed nice. Surely they’d meant to provide support more than anything else…

She gasped as his hand rested on top of hers before squeezing gently. He wasn’t here to receive help. He was just there for her. Pyrrha turned her eyes downwards, then to Jaune’s face, part of her doubted it was real.  

As always, there was no judgement and no assumptions. Her partner didn’t try and guess what was wrong, he just accepted something was amiss and selflessly offered his help. As broken and fragmented as she felt, her breath caught and she could feel colour coming to her cheeks.

It was a promise, that for now, she didn’t have to face this choice on her own. That she wasn’t alone.

She could have fallen for him all over again in that moment. 

[sepublic]

Behold! The completed story bible/plot summary for Part 2 of Bionicle: RaE! Adapting the events of Bionicle 2016, the story really begins the change near the end. Once we’re done with Part 2, we can finally move onto the new storylines I wrote for Bionicle: RaE, because believe me; Even AFTER Part 2, we’re not even halfway done yet!

Below is an excerpt for those interested;

           Ever since Ekimu and the Great Forge’s reawakening, the Okotan alliance has grown to greater power than ever before. The City of the Mask Makers, reclaimed from the Brotherhood, has begun to function as the new capital of Okoto, with thousands making new homes in the once-abandoned City, giving new life back to it. All the while, infrastructure and technology is improved, each day becoming closer to what it once was in the Creation Age; And while still far from that ancient progress, the Okotans remain hopeful.

           Deep in his forge, Ekimu the Mask Maker labors endlessly, refusing to give himself breaks. While he has been willing to stop and sit down to explain the nature of Life energy, and has considered taking a break to teach others of Mask-Making, he is mostly concerned with creating new tools, weapons, and Masks of Power for the Okotans to use. Dimly aware all those years, trapped and suspended in a crystalline prison, Ekimu has been wrought with guilt over his complicitness in the Great Cataclysm and the death of millions, as well as failing to see Makuta’s corruption and stop it. To cope, he furiously makes himself work day and night to give the Okotans the fighting chance they need to stop Makuta, desperately hoping to fix the mistakes he blames himself for.

           Naturally, people have noticed this and are AWARE, but are helpless to do anything about it. The main priority is to improve Okoto’s infrastructure, technology, and power, while also reclaiming lost lands before the Brotherhood of Makuta begins its inevitable counter-attack. The Toa are training with new Masks of Power, weapons, and tools, and Okotan cultures mix and clash in the City of the Mask Makers as people recover from the old wounds of the Skull Spider wars. The Red Serpent, the legendary Rahi controlled by Fenrakk, has continued its residence in the City of the Mask Makers, now a vehement ally of the Okotans. Likewise, the Skull Slicer has been rehabilitated and reforged by Ekimu, reclaiming his lost name Matau and becoming the colloquial, unofficial, ‘Toa of Air’ after absorbing Lewa’s Mask of Air during their battle. With new, sleek, aerodynamic armor and upgrades, Matau promises to be a welcoming ally, though others are wary.

           Regardless, beggars can’t be choosers when the Brotherhood of Makuta, after a few months, launches its inevitable counter-attack against Okoto. Furious over the loss of his Skull Spiders and Fenrakk, Makuta unleashes from the rivers and wilds his new army of Energy Leeches, organic, writhing, and ravenous creatures that constantly hunger and can drain Life energy by latching onto a victim. Many Okotans, caught off-guard by these new enemies, die horrifically as Makuta seizes huge amounts of Life energy to support his campaigns. Nevertheless, the Toa and Okotans quickly learn to adapt, fighting off against these new threats, led by Jumala, Lord of Energy Leeches and another one of Makuta’s sons, the Rahkshi. Also aiding the Brotherhood is a new generation of Skull Spiders, controlled by dozens of smaller, less powerful Command Spiders. The Skull Puppets and Warriors also provide aid, with their commanders returning for vengeance, now led by Kodo the Skull Basher.

           As new battles recommence, and formerly vanquished foes such as the Nui-Jaga return to assault the Okotans, the Toa maintain a steady and fast alliance, learning to better be a group, team, and even unorthodox family of sorts. While it’s a bit unusual learning to live in the City of the Mask Makers together, the Toa become accustomed to one another and form closer bonds. Meanwhile, an imprisoned, incapacitated Kulta and Kojol are interrogated beneath the City of the Mask Makers, to no effect.

           Takua the wandering vagabond eventually takes a journey to the Swamp of Secrets, meeting with an old friend; A reclusive prophet who gains visions by inhaling the decaying fumes of a dead beast’s corpse, said to have come from the future. These visions warn the prophet of future events.

           During the Skull Spider wars, the prophet had requested her existence be kept secret, with Takua honoring these requests while still trying to convey them to the other Okotans by ‘suggesting’ courses of action that aligned with the visions given by the prophet. Amidst conversations, it’s revealed that Takua knewabout Makuta, a few years before the Toa arrived; The dark spirit himself had appeared to her once and attempted to sway her to his side. Takua refused, and Makuta in turn haunted her every now and then, threatening to kill everyone she cared about if she explained his presence and role with the Skull Spiders.

           Scared and feeling helpless, Takua didn’t bother mentioning Makuta, feeling it wouldn’t change anything and she’d just get a lot of innocent people killed. Now, with Makuta’s identity and role revealed anyway, she’s considering revealing her dark secret, but is at the same time unsure…

           Regardless, the prophet receives a particularly brutal, staggering vision, in which she warns Takua of a horde that will raze Okoto to its foundations, releasing a horrific ‘Darkness below’ that will consume everything. Concerned, Takua ponders if she means the Energy Leeches; Either way, Takua takes it upon herself to investigate ‘The Darkness Below’ and see what it means, venturing into the tunnels beneath Okoto and going farther down than usual.

           In the aftermath of one battle with the Brotherhood of Makuta, Lewa, Toa of Jungle eventually comes across a strange phenomena in the jungle, feeling a consciousness that is moving through it. Surely enough, he tracks it down, and the being manifests as a Dragonfly-esque creature. Introducing herself as Uxar, she has initial reservations towards Lewa, but his bright earnestness wins Uxar over as the two become quick friends. Their day ends when Lewa is called back to help, and he promises not to tell the others about Uxar on her request. And from the shadows, someonewatches…

           The two eventually meet once more, only to be interrupted when Uxar is suddenly ambushed by a dark, oaken being she calls ‘Umarak the Hunter’. Leading a pack of vicious, metallic Shadow Traps, Umarak pins down Uxar and begins draining her Life energy. Naturally, Lewa attempts to stop him and briefly engages in a conflict- He’s easily defeated, but it provides a distraction for Uxar to escape. Frustrated, Umarak lets go of the matter, warning Lewa that darkness is rising and that he, of all people, can’t stop it.

           Lewa eventually regroups with the others and attempts to research into the matter, casually asking about Uxar and Umarak without mentioning he met the two. Takua ventures deep below Okoto, travelling through long-abandoned tunnels as she nears a massive, living presence beneath…

           She eventually comes across a massive pit that extends infinitely, seemingly solid-black near the bottom; And surely enough, tendrils of shadow suddenly burst and emerge from it, thrashing wildly and causing the earth to shake as they reach for Takua. With quick-thinking and action, Takua narrowly avoids the shadows, and heads to the surface, shaken. Lewa learns about the Elemental Deities in Kokoro, learning how each one is the conscious manifestation of the six elements; And Uxar is one of them, representing Jungle.

           Takua inevitably overhears Lewa’s mention of ‘darkness that is rising’ and questions him on it, and vice-versa. The two exchange a coy, awkward series of interrogations where both try not to reveal directly the secrets they have, while still implicitly telling that the others DOES have secrets. Nevertheless, the two are sympathetic to each others’ situation and try not to press further until express permission is given. Meanwhile, the other Toa battle with the Brotherhood of Makuta, and notice phenomena as well; While in the drifts, Kopaka notices what seems to be a wolf-like being bounding through the snow, chased by metallic monsters. He tries to investigate, but is left behind. Tahu spots a moving, slithering trail of flame deep in the Region of Fire and is momentarily baffled by it.

           Takua and Lewa’s research culminates when the two consult Lumi and learn the story of how the Elemental Deities fought an ever-encompassing darkness named Umarak. Unable to defeat it, they formed the island of Okoto, trapping Umarak underneath it and seemingly imprisoning him…

           At this point, the duo desperately wants to talk, and so make concessions and agree to mutually break promises. Takua explains about the prophet and her warning, and Lewa talks about his meetings with Uxar and Umarak the Hunter. They figure out that Umarak, somehow, is on the surface, but at the same time below it, and is trying to free the darkness below. Takua, recalling the nature of the Skull Spiders to Fenrakk, wonders if the Hunter is actually just a receptacle for Umarak, the darkness below, to act and function on Okoto’s surface with.

           Either way, they consider this important and ponder discussing the recent events to the others, and likewise hear of what is clearly the Elemental Deities moving throughout Okoto, active. Lewa tracks down Uxar, admitting he broke their promise, and asks what’s going on. Uncertain and unsure, Uxar finally cracks and explains how Umarak managed to somewhat escape his prison by tunnel a portion of his darkness to the surface, infecting a tree and forming a receptacle for him to act through.

           Ever since, Umarak has been slowly, gradually draining the Elemental Deities of their power, ambushing them with guerilla tactics, seizing a portion of power, before fleeing. Over the centuries, the Elemental Deities have become weakened, helplessly unable to stop Umarak’s efforts despite best attempts.

           Lewa naturally offers to help them, mentioning Takua’s prophecy, to Uxar’s concern, who sees it as an omen –along with their current state- that the Elemental Deities are soon to be fully consumed by Umarak, their power used by him to raze Okoto clean to its foundations, breaking apart the island and freeing the darkness below. Lewa wonders where all the stolen power has been hidden, and Uxar admits that the others tried finding it, yet failed.

           Regardless, Uxar hesitates on accepting Lewa’s offer, mentioning that the Elemental Deities have a complicatedrelationship with the mortal Okotans. Things are quickly made more complex when Jumala, having tracked down Lewa, ambushes Uxar, hoping to drain her and Lewa’s energy, ever-starving and ravenous. This in turn summons Terak, Deity of Earth, who vengefully battles against him, and the chaos attracts Umarak’s attention. Another battle is held, and a few of Lewa’s allies arrive to help. Terak and Uxar escape, but not without Terak losing a portion of his power, much to his chagrin. Terak angrily regards both the Okotans and the Brotherhood as he and Uxar flee, and Umarak chases after them.

           The others interrogate Lewa about his relationship with Uxar, and cracking under pressure, he explains everything, except for Takua’s prophecy, not wanting to out her. Recognizing the threat of Umarak, with the Elemental Deities now concerningly low on power and thus close to being completely drained, the Okotans consider forming an alliance with the Deities, realizing they could be beneficial in the war against the Brotherhood. Meanwhile, Jumala reports to his father Makuta, explaining the situation.

           Makuta reflects, recalling how he once tried to form an alliance with Umarak and was declined. At first he let it go, but now that the Toa know about the Elemental Deities, they’ll likely try to ally with them. And needing assets and advantages desperately, Makuta decides he refuses to let the Okotans to have any advantages over him, and decides to recommence attempts to ally with Umarak.

[moczothe1st]

Days of Our Dragon Age:  Episode 39:  A Love as Deep as a Deep Road

[SCENE: CAMP, at HIGH NOON.  It is NIGHT.]

BLAKE: [SADLY]  Okay, everyone.  We have recruited, to face the infinite hordes of the Darkspawn, a total of ten mages and fifty elves.  How many Darkspawn do we have to kill, again?

STEN: You just called them an infinite horde.  

BLAKE: I was hoping that I was wrong, dammit.  

ALISTAIR: I don’t think you could ever be wrong, my sweet.

LELIANA: Want to get married?

BLAKE: I… wait, Alistair I expected, but Leliana, I thought we broke up, or…

LELIANA: I really liked something you said in the temple, and you gave me a piece of cake.  It made us a couple again.  

BLAKE: … … … Sure.  Anyway, I’m going to come right out and say that maybe we need to improve the size of our forces. We are going to need to bolster our ‘army’ with an actual army. Now, where do you think we should go to seek this? I’m taking votes.

ALISTAIR: Arl Eam-

BLAKE: The Deep Roads it is! Let’s go find some dwarves.    

ALISTAIR: [POUTING] You said we were voting.  

BLAKE: We did.  I just forgot to mention that I’m the only one who gets a vote, because I’m the leader. That’s what we call ‘democracy.’

MORRIGAN: I wish you were a man.

[The GROUP leaves camp, beginning the LONG HIKE to the entrance of ORZAMMAR, legendary city of the DWARVES.  They make it THIRTY SECONDS.]

DARKSPAWN EMISSARY: RANDOM ENCOUNTER, BITCHES!  

ALISTAIR: Wow, the emissaries really are smarter than normal darksp-

EMISSARY: EMISSARY, ROCKIN’ OUT THE FIREBALLS, YO!  I AM THE FIRE OF PERDITION COME TO DEVOUR YOU! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!

[The EMISSARY, being MORE CLEVER than a normal DARKSPAWN, is able to launch a MAGICAL FIREBALL at the group while SIMULTANEOUSLY shredding out a ROCKING GUITAR SOLO.  They really ARE quite INTELLIGENT.]

EVERYONE: [IS ON FIRE]

WYNNE: [BEGINS TO GLOW] I was secretly being kept alive by a magical spirit the whole time!  

[SPIRIT POWERS, on.  ACTIVATE INTERLOCK, dynotherms CONNECTED, Infracells UP, Mega-thrusters are GO.]  

BLAKE: … So your dark secret was spirit powers that can enhance you for combat? That was your dark secret?

WYNNE: Alas, for I am an abomination, animated only by a spirit who has chosen to grant me a tenuous grasp on-

BLAKE: Awesome.  You’re in the party forever.  

WYNNE: You don’t seem to be having the experience of deep religious terror I was expecting from this revelation.  I’m dead, you realize.  

BLAKE: No, those guys are dead. The creepy veiny faced ones, vaguely spawnlike? On the dark side?  You have superpowers.  You’re Spirit Woman.  I would marry you if you weren’t, you know...

MORRIGAN: Old? Decrepit? Wrinkled like a prune?  

BLAKE: … I was going to say ‘grandmotherly,’ I swear. MORRIGAN: Hideous?  

BLAKE: Stop helping, please.

MORRIGAN: Ancient and corroded? Willfully ignorant of the world around her in favor of propagating a broken system?

WYNNE: I can’t use my spirit powers very often. You can tell because Morrigan still has a face.  

MORRIGAN: Smelling vaguely of mold?

BLAKE: She’s gonna keep doing this for awhile. Let’s just finish walking to Orzammar before we get another random encounter.  

MORRIGAN: Oddly dry, as if made of sandpaper?

[SCENE: The FROSTBACK MOUNTAINS, on the trail to ORZAMMAR, realm of the DWARVES.  Yes, the REALM OF THE DWARVES is ONE CITY, and it honestly isn’t even a GREAT ONE. There is a lot of MAGMA and the DARKSPAWN are their next-door NEIGHBOR, but the DWARVES remain there because they believe LIVING ABOVE GROUND is INHERENTLY EVIL. Oh, there is TECHNICALLY another CITY but you’ll never GO THERE and it’s PROBABLY WORSE, for all we KNOW.]

THIS is what is known as EXPOSITION intended to make sure that any READERS don’t go into the coming segment with HIGH EXPECTATIONS.]

BLAKE: Okay, so does anyone know where the door is? It seems like they should put up signs.

ALISTAIR: Oh, there’s a sign. Next to those fine gentleman guarding the path.

[There are FIVE INDIVIDUALS on the path.  Not ALL of them are GENTLEMEN, and none of them look particularly FINE.  Some do NOT HAVE TEETH, and all are carrying some manner of SHARP IMPLEMENT.  There are some BLOODSTAINS on the clothing, but that will probably not be IMPORTANT.]

BOUNTY HUNTER: Hey. You Grey Wardens?

BLAKE: … No.    

ALISTAIR: Hey, look. That sign says we’re near Orzammar. That’s important for Grey Wardens to visit! Like us!  

BOUNTY HUNTER: *smile*

[The group CONTINUES THEIR TREK after wiping all of the BLOOD off of THEMSELVES.  It is nearly HALF from other PEOPLE.  Thankfully, WYNNE is here and she can RE-ATTACH LELIANA’S LIMBS.  It’s not HER FAULT that ARCHERY won’t be good until the DLC.]

BLAKE: So I think we need to make some new rules about Alistair and when he can talk.  I nominate ‘never.’  

ALISTAIR: You have beautiful eyes.

LELIANA: I’ve always thought so!  

ZEVRAN: Mrrrrrrrrrrow.

BLAKE: You know, I hear there’s people out there who really like this much attention.  Would it be possible for some of you to go out and latch on to them?  I hear that Hawke could really use a friend or two.  You guys need more friends, don’t you?

[This is TRUE, but if HAWKE had FRIENDS then they would PROBABLY JUST DIE.  Be super blunt with me here, did you really enjoy playing as HAWKE?  Did you have a lot of FUN sorting out the MAGE-TEMPLAR CONFLICT? Of course you DIDN’T. Playing as HAWKE was an endless slog of PAIN AND DESPAIR as everything about their life SPIRALLED out of control and they slowly but surely LOST EVERYTHING and UTTERLY FAILED to prevent a WORLD WAR, then the THIRD GAME has some new guy SOLVE THE PROBLEM in like, an HOUR.  Then HAWKE makes a CAMEO and has a 50% chance of DYING.]

[Sorry, HAWKE. It’s not your FAULT.]

MORRIGAN:  I don’t have friends, myself.

[That pretty much IS her fault, though.]

BLAKE: I believe that is literally true.

[IT IS.]

[SCENE: ORZAMMAR.  There is LAVA everywhere, but it is VIDEO GAME LAVA so it only hurts you if you TOUCH IT.  The DWARVES are currently having a POLITICAL DEBATE.]

DWARF A: I think Harrowmont sucks and Prince Bhelen should be king!

DWARF B: Well, I think Bhelen sucks and Lord Harrowmont should be king!

DWARF A:  *MURDERS DWARF B IN THE STREETS*

BLAKE: Holy crap!  

MORRIGAN: Finally, someone with a firm grasp of governance.  

[We may need to consider the possibility that MORRIGAN is just an ODDLY TALL DWARF]

DWARF GUARD: Hail, Warden. I understand you’ve come to us seeking our mighty dwarf army to help you face off against the terror of the Darkspawn Blight.  

BLAKE: I… yes.  Are you going to clean up the corpse, or…

DWARF GUARD: Alas, we cannot command our forces to march without the guidance of our king, and we have none.  

BLAKE: There was a murder just now, so…

DWARF GUARD: If you seek the power of the dwarven army, you shall need to chose one of the leading candidates, Prince Bhelen, the sole surviving member of the royal family and you probably just shouldn’t question why that is, or the old king’s friend Lord Harrowmont who seems like a great choice. Yes, he really seems that way.  He certainly does seem to be the right choice.  Seeeeeeeeeeeems.  [WINKS a few times while DISCRETELY POINTING at GAMEFAQS.]

BLAKE: This isn’t going to be any fun, is it?  

DWARF GUARD: That’s basically our town motto.  

LELIANA: I question if ze dwarf army is even worz it, everyone.  Perhaps we should just go focus on ze Arl Eamon and let zem sort zis all out for zemselves.

ALISTAIR: Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss…

STEN: I feel they could not possibly be worse than the elf army, if this helps in making our choice.

MORRIGAN: I want to do whatever Alistair doesn’t want to do.  

WYNNE:  Now, now, children.  We need as many soldiers as we can get to face the Blight.  We’ll just have to pick one of the candidates and support his claim to the throne.  I’m sure we can use our finely tuned moral compasses to determine which is the correct option.  We are, after all, purely noble heroes without any factors that might render our judgments suspect.  

MORRIGAN: Aren’t you possessed by an extradimensional entity that could be altering your thoughts in any number of ways, potentially without you even knowing?

WYNNE: Aren’t you overdue to shut up?

[With their COURSE DECIDED, the group decides to interview both CANDIDATES to determine which is the CORRECT MORAL OPTION.]

[SCENE: PRINCE BHELEN’s home, the PALACE.]

BHELEN: Greetings. Welcome to my home, Grey Warden.  I am a sleazy amoral murderer that is directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of my entire family, and I’m going to be asking you to break pretty much every one of the like, six laws that we dwarves even have.  Want to be friends?

WYNNE: … … … … … ... …

BLAKE: Whoa.  Um.  We’ll, uh… we’ll consider it.  [WHISPERED] Let’s get the Hell out of here.    

[SCENE: LORD HARROWMONT’S estate.]  

LORD HARROWMONT: *Pets a puppy* Greetings, my new Warden friends. I am kindly old uncle Harrowmont. Would you like a Werther’s candy?

BLAKE: You seem much nicer than your opposition.

ALISTAIR: *Eats a Werther’s candy*

LELIANA: I feel safe and warm.  

HARROWMONT: Why, thank you, children. Yes, I am much nicer than Prince Bhelen. He is cold and cruel, while I am kind and respectful to all those who help me. I certainly SEEM like the correct choice. [PAUSES, and gestures at the player’s INTERNET BROWSER while COUGHING.]  That is most definitely how I SEEM.  You would definitely THINK that I am the morally obvious correct choice.  I SEEM THAT WAY.  SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM.  

BLAKE: Okay, everyone. We have a choice, here. Who do we want to pick?

BHELEN: *Eats a baby.*

HARROWMONT: *Rocks in his ol’ rocking chair on the front porch, pouring lemonade for all the local kids.*  

BLAKE: I think the choice is obvious. So. Bhelen it is, then!

MORRIGAN: You looked that up on the internet.

BLAKE: … … Verily, I knowest not of what thou speakest, fair Morrigan.  Internet? Be this some magely conjuring of thine…

MORRIGAN: You did.  Don’t even bother pretending we have a fourth wall anymore.  You looked up the ending on the internet.  

BLAKE: Okay, fine.  Look, it’s not my fault.  You try avoiding spoilers for an eight year old game, see how well you do.  

MORRIGAN: You know, if you already know everything that’s going to happen, I’m not even sure why I’m bothering to keep my dark secret.

[DRAMATIC ORGAN PLAYS]

BLAKE: You know, I legit thought we were done with that gag.  

MORRIGAN: Do not change the subject!  I’m a major plot character and my arc is crucial to the central twists of the endgame, and you’re just spitting all over that. I thought we had a connection, you know?  I thought ‘here is someone as generally unpleasant as me, who hates Alistair, and enjoys power and murder.’  I thought we could be friends, you know? But now I find out you’ve not even the slightest concern for maintaining secrecy regarding story structure, and-

STEN: [Hits MORRIGAN in the back of the head with a ROCK.]

BLAKE: Thanks, man, that was seriously getting awkward. Chicks, am I right?

LELIANA: Is that remark sexist if you are a woman?

BLAKE: I’m choosing to say ‘no.’  

SCENE: PRINCE BHELEN’S PALACE OF DESPAIR, int.  

BHELEN: Fantastic, I knew you would see reason and choose the obviously correct choice for Orzammar which is foreshadowed believably.

MORRIGAN: I have such a headache.  And I have no memory of the last six hours.  Why is everyone here so short?  It sickens me.

BLAKE: Just ignore her, prince sir.  She’s silly.

MORRIGAN: This one sickens me most of all. The eyes of a rat, he has.

BHELEN: I would normally object to that, but I’m going to be sending you to kill the dwarf mafia now, so honestly that’s punishment enough.  

BLAKE: … When you say ‘kill the mafia’…

BHELEN: Yes, the whole thing.

DOG: Bark, bark!

BLAKE: I’m not going to translate that because it isn’t fit for polite company, but Dog doesn’t like you any more than Morrigan does.  

MORRIGAN: I hate all short people. And farmers. And anyone named ‘Casper.’  

BLAKE: Also, Wynne, I think she has a concussion, could you fix that?

WYNNE: Eh.

[SCENE:  The hideout of the DWARF MAFIA, int. int.  It is a CAVE inside a CITY inside a CAVE, so I think it deserves two ‘int.’]

JARVIA:  Hello there, Warden. I am Jarvia, head of the Dwarf Mafia, which someone really should have called by its proper name by now, but we won’t.  If you know what it is off the top of your head, good job on paying attention. I mean, there won’t be a quiz or anything, but still, good work.  

BLAKE: Nothing personal, but I have to stab you a few times because I need an army.  And since we’re the heroes and you’re a glorified sneak thief, that’s gonna be fun for everyone.  

[BLAKE takes ONE STEP forward.]

SIX THOUSAND TRAPS: [ALL GO OFF AT ONCE]

[SCENE: BHELEN’S PALACE OF ETERNAL DESPAIR, int.]

BHELEN: So how was Jarvia?

BLAKE: [STILL ON FIRE]  Fuck you.  

BHELEN: Awesome.  Now, as it turns out, that was actually a waste of time. We really just need a Paragon to approve me.  

ALISTAIR: What’s that?

BHELEN: When a dwarf does something which gives great aid to their people, that they will be remembered by our people forever, they are labeled as a Paragon; a living ancestor… nay, a living god.  The word of a Paragon could make a king, for a Paragon is beyond a king.  They are beyond us all. The living expression of Dwarfkind’s greatest qualities.  And we have discovered one… may still live among us.  Paragon Branka, the greatest living dwarf of our time!  

ALISTAIR: Ooooooh. What did she do?

BHELEN: She… invented a kind of clean-burning coal.  

LELIANA: Zat… is it?

BHELEN: Yup. Canon.

BLAKE: And you made her a god for that?

WYNNE: I try not to judge foreign religions, but my word that seems a bit extreme.  

STEN: My religion lobotomizes non-believers who refuse to conform.  

WYNNE: … Okay. Well, it’s not as extreme as that.

BHELEN: I said it gave great aid to the dwarf people, not interesting aid.  Now go out into the Deep Roads and find Branka. She wandered off a few years ago and it’s a maze of death that spans the entire country, but I’m sure you’ll find her in a few hours.

ALISTAIR: If I could be a paragon, I’d like it to be for inventing a new kind of cheese.

BHELEN: Starting to question my choices in hiring you people, not gonna lie.

[SCENE: The DEEP ROADS.  Pretty much all of the DEEP ROADS look the same, so it really could be ANYWHERE IN THEM.]

BLAKE: I feel like we’re missing something…

MORRIGAN: A map?

STEN: A guide?

ALISTAIR: You look great in that outfit.  

LELIANA: Oui, mon cherie.

BLAKE: … … … … Okay, this isn’t the time and you creep me out a little, but it’s so hot when you speak Orlesian to me, baby.

ALISTAIR: Thank you! I don’t even realize when I’m doing it, apparently.

BLAKE: [SOBS for a bit.]

THE SMELL OF WHISKEY GIVEN FORM:  Heya. You guys all ran out inta the Deep Roads and forgot to talk to me.  

BLAKE: Oh, who the Hell are you now?  And you had better not be a party member because I have quite enough of those.  

A BEARD ATTACHED TO A KEG: Oh, I’m a party member.  I’m the best party member. I’m here to get drunk, sexually harass everyone, and smell weird. I’m so goddamn manly you could use my blood ta give women sex changes.  

ALISTAIR: Sexually harass everyone? I thought that was Zevran’s job.  

ZEVRAN: It isn’t sexual harassment if they love it, baby.

LIKE A DWARF, ONLY MORE ALCOHOLIC:  And they never love it with me.  I confuse and terrify people.  I. Am. OGHREN.  

[THE LIGHT OF HEAVEN shines down, illuminating OGHREN, the party member you will LAUGH AT THE MOST.  MAYBE.  If you like DRUNK DWARVES.]

BLAKE: So… um… nice to meet you?

OGHREN: Nice tits, babe.

BLAKE: … I’mma kill him.

OGHREN: Wasn’t talking to you. I meant the one with no shirt.  

MORRIGAN: … I’mma kill him.

OGHREN: The Ogh-man’s still got it.  

ALISTAIR: By ‘it’, do you mean, ‘the ability to make women furious?’

OGHREN: Why do you think Branka ran out into the middle of the monster-infested death caverns with her entire family? She was married to me.  

WYNNE: Ah. Ah.  Okay, I would have left society forever if you were my husband, I have to admit.

LELIANA: I would have left society twice. Once for ze personality, and once for ze smell.  

BLAKE: And her ex-girlfriend is a sociopathic murderer, so if even she finds you repulsive, you know you’re repulsive.  

LELIANA: How long are you going to ‘ang zat over my ‘ead? Honestly, you date one sociopazic murderer, an’ everyone judges vous forever.

OGHREN: I think I’m gonna like hanging out with you people.  You’re the same kind of chaotic mess I am, only sober.    

BLAKE: I never said you could join us.

[OGHREN has joined the PARTY.]

BLAKE: Oh, right, I forgot. I have no control over my own life.    

ALISTAIR: I think that’s your best quality.  

LELIANA: After your wonderful hair.  

MORRIGAN: I don’t know if I’d call it a quality, but it certainly makes my job a lot easier. [PAUSES] Not that I have a specific goal in the group or anything.

OGHREN: Does anyone have some beer?

[SCENE: The DEEP ROADS.  Only EVEN DEEPER.]

OGHREN: Now, Branka took our entire clan and left me, and only me, behind, so I’ve been working on a way to find her so we can be a couple again.  

LELIANA:  You didn’t take zis abandonment as a hint regarding her feelings for you?  You must learn to recognize your love’s moods, you know.  

BLAKE: That’s rich, coming from you.  

ALISTAIR: Yeah, Leliana! You really need to learn to take a hint when Blake just isn’t interested.

BLAKE:  [QUIET SOBS]

ALISTAIR: Now look, you made her cry.  

OGHREN: Whoa. I knocked back a literal gallon of vodka before I found you guys, and somehow I’m not the dumbest one in the party.  Anyone think that’s a little weird?  

STEN: If you remain in the group for long enough, you learn to not notice it. It is like a poison which causes numbness before it inevitably kills us.  

OGHREN: Neat, that’s what I drink on Thursdays, ta get me ready for the hard stuff on Friday night. Anyhoo, I know that Branka started off by going to the legendary Ortan Thaig, which is dwarven for ‘hideous poison spider ghost hellhole.’  

WYNNE: Such a beautiful language.

BLAKE: Okay, that doesn’t sound particularly nice, but if a whole army of dwarves already marched through it, I suspect we’ll be fine. I mean, they had to have already killed most of the monsters and-

[A SPIDER the size of a MINIVAN falls from the ceiling and tackles BLAKE to the ground, savaging her face with its POISON FANGS.]  

CORRUPTED SPIDER QUEEN: Hssssssssssss!*

[*TRANSLATED FROM SPIDERESE: My favorite food, people who wander too close to annoying boss fights!]

BLAKE: KILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLIT-

WYNNE: [Releases the long-suffering SIGH of one who is never going to have an HOUR OF FREE TIME for the rest of her LIFE.]

[SCENE: The DEEP ROADS.  STILL.]

BLAKE: *Twitches*

ALISTAIR: Erm… honey? Are you-

BLAKE: THERE WAS A SPIDER ON MY FACE.  IT WAS LARGER THAN AVERAGE.

ALISTAIR: I’ll, erm, give you some time alone.  

BLAKE: I CUT OFF ITS HEAD.  I SHALL WEAR IT AS A HAT NOW, TO OVERCOME PERSONAL TRAUMA AND BE A BETTER PERSON.

LELIANA: *whispered* B-but she doesn’t have the….

WYNNE:  I don’t think you should mention that to her. This is my professional opinion as a psychiatrist.  

ZEVRAN: Are you a psychiatrist?

WYNNE: I don’t really need to be to analyze this one.  

ZEVRAN: Fair.  

OGHREN: Look on the bright side!  I think we’re pretty much past the worst part of the Deep Roads.  Smooth sailin’ from here, until we find Branka and everything’s great.  

[The group turns a CORNER, to find the corridors are suddenly lined with a layer of DISGUSTING FLESH that PULSATES WITH INNER CORRUPTION. It smells of ROTTING MEAT and drips VILE OOZE that steams in the DIM LIGHT of torches that use the FAT of SENTIENT BEINGS as their UNHOLY FUEL.  In a ravine below, a HORDE OF DARKSPAWN march toward the SURFACE, bringing with them DISEASE, WAR, AND DEATH.  The ARCHDEMON, a dragon of unstoppable power warped by BLIGHT into a TWISTED WINGED NIGHTMARE flies overhead, BLACK FLAME flickering around its RAZOR-EDGED MAW.]

[SCENE: The Dead Trenches.]

OGHREN: See?  It must be a nice place.  All those guys like it, an’ they can’t all be wrong.

EVERYONE ELSE: [SILENCE]

OGHREN: *belches*

BLAKE: All right, I’m feeling better about spiders, because I have this deep-seated fear popping up that something way worse is about to happen.  Anyone else getting the feeling something way worse is about to happen?

ZEVRAN: I genuinely wonder if it could get worse than what we have already seen.  

[HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Oh, wow. Oh, wow, it CAN.  Like, holy crap.   I can’t even.]

OGHREN: Does anyone have a sandwich? I’ve been hammering down vodka for like six hours. I could use a snack.  

ZEVRAN: You genuinely worry me.  

[SCENE: DEEPER in the DEAD TRENCHES which are DEEP in the DEEP ROADS, DEEP.  DEEP.]

BLAKE: All right, I think at this point our best option is to not do anything, ever, for any reason.  Any door we open will have something awful behind it, so we just won’t open any doors.  

ZEVRAN: What if need to open a door to keep going?  

BLAKE: Then we stand next to it until we die of old age.  Because we can never, ever, open it.  Because what’s behind it will be terrible.  Look at this place. Everything about it is terrible.  Everything we find will be terrible.  Everything. Is. Terrible.  

ALISTAIR:  Honey, you’ve had a bad day, and you have some spider venom in your brain. You’re not thinking clearly. Surely not every path can lead to something awful!  

[ALISTAIR opens the first DOOR he finds. Behind is an ANCIENT DARKSPAWN FORGE, surrounded by a small ARMY of the BLOODTHIRSTY BEASTS, at the head a HIDEOUSLY WIZENED and yet TERRIFYINGLY MUSCLED ancient beast, a LEGENDARY BLADE snapped off in its hide from one of many HEROES who have FALLEN BEFORE IT.]

[ALISTAIR closes the DOOR.]

ALISTAIR: Admittedly a bad example.

ZEVRAN: So cute, yet so dumb.

ALISTAIR: What?

ZEVRAN: What?

LELIANA: Let us try zis door!  

[LELIANA opens another door. Behind is it is an ANCIENT CRYPT, carved from OBSIDIAN and swirling with the SOULS OF THE DAMNED. The GHOSTS of FALLEN DWARVES, their DARK AURA repelling even the DARKSPAWN, patrol their crypt, ready to SLAUGHTER ANY LIVING THING.]

[LELIANA closes the DOOR.]

BLAKE: ‘Cute but dumb’ is a recurring theme around here, eh?

LELIANA: You realize zat I know you are insulting me?

BLAKE: It’s okay, you’ll forgive me when I give you a present and say you have nice hair.  

LELIANA: I cannot argue with zis.  

MORRIGAN: This is amusing.  Can I open a door next?

BLAKE: No!

[MORRIGAN does not LISTEN.  Behind the door is a DWARVEN WOMAN; her eyes are coated in CATARACTS and EMPTY of all HOPE, her clothes torn, her skin COATED in FILTH and hideous BLACK LESIONS, as if she was ROTTING FROM WITHIN.  Under her breath, she repeats a terrifying rhyme about the HORRIBLE DEATHS of all her friends and loved ones.]

MORRIGAN: Ooooh, this is the most fascinating door yet.    

BLAKE: … … … What is wrong with you.  

HORRIFYING DWARF WOMAN: [I… will refrain from repeating the POEM here because if you ever played the GAME, you have heard it for years in your NIGHTMARES.  Suffice to say: NEVER EVER BE CAUGHT BY DARKSPAWN.]

OGHREN: Hespith? Damn, you’ve… looked better.  

HESPITH: I have been systematically tortured and fed the bloody flesh of my kinsmen for days on end.

OGHREN: Maybe need a bath or somethin’.  

HESPITH: Life is over. There is no hope. I seek only oblivion now.  

OGHREN: I… shit, does anyone have a beer or somethin’ for her? I drank all mine on the way here to prep me for drinking when we get home to celebrate saving Branka and the clan.

HESPITH: She betrayed us, feeding her entire clan to the Darkspawn.  The men are dead. The women are worst. I am the only survivor… … … no. No, I did not survive. My heart still beats, but I am dead. Branka is dead, for there is nothing inside her now but madness and obsession. House Branka is dead.  

OGHREN: Erm… I’m still okay?

HESPITH: [SQUINTS] … Oh sweet ancestors, it’s Oghren.  I thought I was hallucinating, but the smell of it is worse even than this pit of horrors.  Like rotting cheese and a skunk had a baby.

OGHREN: Nice to see you too. How ya doin’?  

HESPITH: I thought I was in Hell before, but fate cannot help but drag me that tiny bit lower.  

OGHREN: Yeah, running out of beer will do that. So, uh, how is Branka doing? I mean, other than… leaving you to die.  

HESPITH: You are familiar with the Anvil of the Void? The legendary tool that allows dwarves to create golems?

OGHREN: I am, and not just because you summarized it right there.

BLAKE: Thanks for doing that, by the way.

HESPITH: You’re welcome. Well, in any case, Branka quite wants it.  And she decided everyone else in the world was holding her back.  

OGHREN: Even me?

HESPITH: Especially you.  Also, I’ve been sleeping with her. For years. Before, during, and after your marriage. You are a cuckold.

OGHREN: … … ... Why would you mention that?

HESPITH: It is literally the only small joy I have left in my existence.  

BLAKE: I wish I had met you earlier. I think you and I would have gotten along before you were like… mentally and physically destroyed.  

ALISTAIR: She’s right, you know.  Oghren does smell like skunk cheese.  

LELIANA: I vould have zaid ‘badger garbage,’ but I accept many viewpoints.  

MORRIGAN: Truly, dwarfland is a wonderful place.  I may retire here one day, when my plans have come to fruition.  [PAUSE]  Not that I have any plans.  

[NOT seeing any real evidence against that ‘TALL DWARF’ theory. If she starts MINING we can pretty much CONFIRM it.]

HESPITH:  Well. You people certainly are… special. Let me tell you a fun secret. The way out of the Dead Trenches to where Branka has gone is through the door down this hallway. Have fun.

BLAKE: Is the secret really fun?

HESPITH: [RESUMES saying her CREEPY RHYME.]

BLAKE: Okay, I’m choosing to stay optimistic about the secret. We don’t know for sure it won’t be fun.    

[SCENE: Through the DOOR, in a room that looks like the WOMB in which is gestating the baby of SATAN and HITLER.]

BROODMOTHER, HIDEOUSLY BLOATED, PALLID, DEFORMED TENTACLE BEAST FROM THE PITS OF HELL: Hrrrrrrrsssssssss!

BLAKE: WHY DOES IT HAVE BOOBS?!

ALISTAIR: I’M NOT HAVING FUN!

LELIANA: OH GOD THE SMELL IS SO AWFUL I CAN FEEL IT IN MY MOUTH!

ZEVRAN: THE VERY CONCEPT OF SEX HAS BECOME DISGUSTING TO ME!

MORRIGAN: Ooooh, fascinating.  

STEN: If you ever wondered why I don’t talk much? This would be why. Moments like this.

DOG: Bark, bark!

STEN: You’re the only one of these people I can respect.

BROODMOTHER, THE NIGHTMARE OF SIGMUND FREUD AFTER A WEEK-LONG TRIP THROUGH THE PORN DISTRICTS OF JAPAN: [GIVES birth to a THOUSAND ANGRY YOUNG, who charge at the party, screaming and coated in VILE BLACK OOZE.]

BLAKE: [Throws up.]

OGHREN: Either I’m drunk, or that lady just spat a buncha darkspawn out of her-

BLAKE: YOU’RE DRUNK AND THAT HAPPENED.

OHGREN: Damn. That’s like, 50% bad.

WYNNE: [Just SIGHS and starts casting the HEALING SPELLS. ALISTAIR is already being CHEWED ON.]

[SCENE: Still in the DEEP ROADS, and interlocking WEB of tunnels that nonetheless still only have ONE ROUTE to FOLLOW.]

BLAKE: [CLEANING something off her FACE that one probably shouldn’t THINK ABOUT too hard.]  All right. All right. All right.  We are sure the thing is dead, yes?  We are sure? Because we’ll have to come back this way and I wanna know. I never, ever want to see another of those again.  Ever.

[Hahaha… yeah, ABOUT THAT.]

BLAKE: You stay out of this.  Sten, did you perform the operation?

STEN: [Holds up BROODMOTHER’S disgusting head.]  I’m not sure why I’m the one who has to carry this.

BLAKE: Because you’re the biggest. You have the most meat to get through if it comes alive and starts trying to eat people.  

STEN: I have grown to hate you.  

BLAKE: Don’t be uncool about this, Sten. I’ll reward you.  Two extra portions of gruel for you at the camp this evening.  

ALISTAIR: We have other food, you know. You don’t have to feed us gruel all the time.  

BLAKE: And you don’t have to talk, but that’s never stopped you.

MORRIGAN: [SIGHS WISTFULLY.]  Have I ever told you that I’d ride you like a stallion if you were a guy?

BLAKE: You have, and it never stops being off-putting.  

MORRIGAN: You know it, tiger.

BLAKE: You know, the only reason I’m even still sane is that we have just been through a ridiculous mess that was longer than the stupid elf forest and the stupid wizard tower combined. So I know we’re done. Okay? This has to be the end.  

[Because BLAKE still has not learned to TEMPT FATE for some reason, a DWARF appears on the rocky cliffs above them, looking down, even as a huge metal gate SLAMS SHUT behind the party.]

CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS: Done? Fools! You have an entire dungeon left, bwahahahahahahaha!  

OGHREN: Honey bear!  

WACK-A-DOODLE DANDY: Eh? Who are you?

OGHREN: It’s me! Oghren!

ONE PICKAXE SHORT OF A DWARF MINE: Who?

OGHREN: … Your husband? You… we were married for years?

LOONEY TUNES, WELCOME TO THE SPACE JAM: Gonna have to be more specific. I used to have a lot of relatives, before I fed them all to the darkspawn to further my insane goals.  They all kind of blend together in the razor-filled soup that is my mind.  [PAUSES.]  Bwahahahahahahaha!

OGHREN: *sigh* Everyone, this is Branka.  

BLAKE: [BLINKS a few times.]  So, hey, Leliana, you may have just graduated to having the second-worst ex out of anyone in the party. Congrats.

LELIANA: Ze trick is to shine by comparison.  

BRANKA: None may shine but Branka!  Am I not the greatest of all dwarves? Did I not come up with the brilliant plan to find the Anvil of the Void by opening the door and letting infinite darkspawn funnel in until the traps in front of it just stop working from getting too much blood in them? Did I not abandon all of my friends and family to a fate worse than death, letting them be defiled and mutated into hideous bloated monsters, in order to ensure this supply?  

[SILENCE.]

BLAKE: I… um… holy shit, did you?

BRANKA: I did!

BLAKE: Sweet Andraste’s ass. Leliana, the ambiguity is gone. You win. You win forever.  I miss Marjolaine.  I would pay literal money to have Marjolaine standing here in front of us right now.    

LELIANA: [Grins SMUGLY.]

STEN: I do believe we have met a leader worse than our own. I had considered this to be nearly impossible. But the world is a strange and many-faceted place, full of new experiences and diverse peoples. [PAUSE.]  I look forward to the day my people conquer and destroy it all.

BLAKE: Hey. Eat a dick, buddy.

STEN: I am not hungry.

BRANKA: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  You’ll need to find your way through all the traps and reach the Anvil of the Void to escape this terrible dungeon, you fools! [PAUSE]  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

MORRIGAN: I actually forgot she was here.  Do you suppose we should proceed forward? I should like to have this Anvil for my own use, of course, but honestly more than anything I suspect we’ll need to kill that one at the end of this whole mess, and I deeply wish to.

OGHREN: We’re not killing her, crazy-tits! She’s my wife!    

MORRIGAN: You saying that only makes me want to kill her more.

WYNNE: Sweet Andraste, I think I actually semi-agree with Morrigan.  

MORRIGAN: That’s weird.  

BRANKA: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  

MORRIGAN: Though also, in this one case, understandable.  

BLAKE: Wow. I… this might be the first time we’ve all agreed on something. Branka is annoying enough to kill. Unanimous vote?

OGHREN: I said no!

BLAKE: Unanimous it is.

[SCENE:  A cave that looks pretty much like EVERY cave.  The DEEP ROADS are so INTERESTING.]

BLAKE: All right. She said there would be traps, so we can assume things are going to be troublesome here.

LELIANA: But my love, we ‘ave me ‘ere to disarm all ze traps we might see.  

BLAKE: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!  Y-you’re gonna disarm the trapsHAHAHAHAHAHA!  

LELIANA: Zis makes you happy, I see.

BLAKE: [WIPES AWAY a tear of mirth.]  S-sure. That’s why I was laughing.  I can’t think of any other reason I might be laughing. It’s not as though every single trap we’ve ever encountered in this entire game has exploded in our faces because you don’t notice them until we’re already standing in them half the time. I’d never think such things.  

LELIANA: I know vous would not. Now, as my approval has hit ze high 70’s and we ‘ave done my sidequest, let us make passionate love when next we return to camp.  

BLAKE: … … … Sometimes you people being dumbasses works out for me.

ALISTAIR: I love you too, dear.  

[BLAKE reaches out and pushes ALISTAIR one step FORWARD, setting off a HORRIBLE TRAP.]

LELIANA: [OBSERVING THIS] Trap, right ahead!

[The HALLWAY fills with POISONOUS GAS, causing ALISTAIR to fall to his knees and begin CHOKING to DEATH.  Even as this occurs, GOLEMS wake up on either side of the HALLWAY, preparing to PULVERIZE him.]

MORRIGAN: ‘Tis like every birthday present my mother never bothered to give me because birthdays are for the weak, delivered to me all at once.  

WYNNE: [NARROWS EYES.]  You people just delight in making my job harder, don’t you?  You kill Alistair all you want, and then I have to heal him.  You  think that’s easy? Or fun?  I would like to have time to read a nice book from time to time, not just put everyone’s kidneys back in their bodies.  

ALISTAIR: Sweet Andraste my kidneys! They’re out of my body, because of the golems!

WYNNE: You’re being quite inconvenient, young man!

[SCENE: The NEXT HALLWAY.]

BLAKE: Okay.  Everyone, this hallways seems much nicer than the first one.   I suspect it to be a, you know, breather after the first hallway.  I think that one of you should get to lead the way, and really enjoy it.  

STEN: I can see the golems standing there. On the sides.

BLAKE: No, you don’t.

STEN: Yes, I do. I see them.

BLAKE: They might not be golems.  They might just be statues.  

STEN: They look exactly like the other golems, from the first hallway. Whoever goes first will clearly be beaten horribly by them.

BLAKE: We don’t know that. And I think it’s worth sending in Oghren in first to check.  

STEN: Oh. I didn’t realize you were building to that. Yes, then, I agree.

OGHREN: The hell, you guys?!

DOG: Woof, woof!  

OGHREN: Thank you.  

BLAKE: He was actually saying that your smell sickens him and he hopes your death removes it from the world.  

OGHREN: … Yer dog’s a jerk.

BLAKE: [Reaches out a HAND, and shoves OGHREN one step FORWARD.]

[NOTHING happens.]

OGHREN: … …  Huh. Maybe this hallway actually was a breather.  I mean, nothing seems to be…

[GIANT RAZOR-EDGED BUZZSAWS erupt from the floor and ceiling, burying OGHREN in a STORM of BLADES.]

MORRIGAN: Whoever designed this place has a very interesting sense of humor. I wonder if they design swamp cottages? I really was looking to trade up.

BLAKE: On the plus side, the golems don’t seem to have woken… oh, never mind, there they do.  

OGHREN: Oh ancestors, my kidneys!

LELIANA: Trap, right ahead!

[SCENE: The FINAL puzzle room. It is a large, open chamber, with a large FOUR-FACED STATUE in the middle surrounded by ANVILS.]

BLAKE: Okay, so this chamber is probably the breather one.  Zevran, you go first!

ZEVRAN: I thought you liked me.  

BLAKE: I’m running low on sacrificial lambs.

ZEVRAN: Send Morrigan!

BLAKE: She’s scarier than you.

MORRIGAN: It’s true!  

ZEVRAN: [Sighs DEEPLY and steps FORWARD.]

STATUE: [Comes ALIVE and begins spawning an ARMY OF GHOSTS.]

ZEVRAN: Oh, that isn’t so bad. At least no poison gas or razor blades hit me.

ALISTAIR: Screw you.  

OGHREN: Seriously.

[What FOLLOWS is what is known in video-game parlance as a PUZZLE BOSS.  In this particular case, the HEROES must destroy the GHOSTS, which causes an ANVIL to activate. Then you ACTIVATE the anvil to attack the MAIN STATUE.  This sounds kind of INTERESTING.]

[It is NOT.]

ZEVRAN: *Yawn*

MORRIGAN: Oh my non-existent Maker, these things are so tedious.  We’ve turned on these damnable anvils five times already and it’s just won’t end.  

BLAKE: I think it’s just three more, guys.  Come on, this is clearly meant to be the puzzle that makes people stop coming for the Anvil of the Void because they get bored and go grab lunch instead.  We just have to power through it.  

WYNNE: I could do without the statue shooting just enough damage to be annoying but not enough to kill anyone.  

BLAKE: We could all do without that, Wynne, but you don’t see us whining about it.  

LELIANA: Vould anyone like to take a break for lunch? We ‘ave been in ze Deep Roads for a long time, and zis stupid boss…

BLAKE: No!  Look, we have to be near the end.  I know it’s tedious, but we gotta get this done, and then we go back to the surface and never, ever come back.  

ALISTAIR: Who would possibly be cruel enough to design this place?  

[SCENE: BIOWARE OFFICES.]

PROGRAMMER: Hey, Bob. We have all the major quests for Dragon Age: Origins ready except the two you were supposed to design.  Do you happen to have them set?  

RAOUL: [Twists his SINISTER MOUSTACHE while looking with GLEE at the completed maps for the DEEP ROADS and the CIRCLE TOWER.  They take up his ENTIRE DESK and most of the one NEXT to it.]  Yes… yesssssssssssss…. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  

PROGRAMMER: You’ve been weird ever since you grew that moustache, Bob.  

[SCENE: The ANVIL OF THE VOID.  The great device itself gleams with flame; and who can say whether this is the POWER within it, or merely the UNTOLD MAJESTY of the lava fields it OVERLOOKS? Standing before it is the most ORNATE and POWERFUL of all golems, forged not from STONE but from interlocking, rune-covered STEEL PLATES.  It gives off an aura of quiet power and DIGNITY.]

BLAKE: You can go to Hell and die, jackass.

GOLEM: … Excuse me?

BLAKE: Oh. OH!  I’m sorry. I thought you were going to be another goddamn boss fight.  Just that we’ve gone through like six at this point.  

GOLEM: Oh.  Right, you must be the ones I heard fighting the four-faced statue. Did you have fun?

BLAKE: …

MORRIGAN: I’m going to kill it and make a cooking pot of its skull.  

ZEVRAN: I shall cook delightful Antivan dishes in it.  

DOG: Bark, bark.  

BLAKE: You don’t want to know what he said.  And now, let’s all kill this thing.  

GOLEM: Wait, wait.  I would like to offer you an alternative path. You see, I may look like a giant metal golem, but I am actually Caridin, the original creator of this mighty anvil you see before you.

BLAKE: Huh. Interesting. I’m sorry I called you a thing, then. Kill this guy, everyone.

CARIDIN: Would you please stop.  

BLAKE: Sorry, I’m in a bad mood. I’ll allow you to talk.

MORRIGAN: But my cooking pot!

BLAKE: I will buy you a cooking pot.  

MORRIGAN: You never let me have anything I want.  

BLAKE: We would get you things that you want, but you always want evil!  Caridin, just ignore her, she’s the evil one.

CARIDIN: I’m actually getting the impression most of you are pretty evil.  

BLAKE: Leliana and Wynne are nice.  

ALISTAIR: What about me?

BLAKE: You don’t count, because to be ‘good’ you have to be smart enough to have some general idea of what is going on around you in the universe.  Much like a goldfish isn’t good or evil, you aren’t.    

ALISTAIR: I love you too, dear.  

CARIDIN:  … Sure. Anyway, what I was going to say here, is that you should actually destroy this Anvil.  Because you see, Golems are people.

BLAKE: Oh. Um. I should probably mention we killed like twelve on our way here.

CARIDIN: I… oh, shit. Was one of those Jeff? Because Jeff owed me twenty silver.  

ALISTAIR: How would we know?

CARIDIN: He was made of stone.

LELIANA: Zat narrows it down very little.  Also, how are ze golems made of ze people?  I ‘ave seen zem, and zey are in fact made of ze stone, or in vous case ze metal.

CARIDIN: … What even is your accent?

BLAKE: Hey!  We’ve already been over that.  It doesn’t need to make sense. Tell us the story of your stupid past and don’t lead us off on any tangents, or we’ll be on it for another damn hour.  

ALISTAIR: Hey, have you guys ever thought about pudding?

BLAKE:  NO TANGENTS.

CARIDIN: Well. The way I discovered to make golems was to shove a person into a giant rock suit, and then pour molten hot magic rocks on them.  But it wasn’t until they made me a golem that I realized: this was bad.

BLAKE: ……………….

LELIANA: ………………….

WYNNE: ………………….

MORRIGAN: I don’t see the issue.  

BLAKE: Morrigan!  Stop helping!  

WYNNE: You truly didn’t see the issue with pouring molten rock on your people, sir golem-dwarf?

CARIDIN: Well, they were poor.  

MORRIGAN: Makes perfect sense to me!

ZEVRAN: You terrify me. And I am an assassin.  

STEN: In my country, we would have cut his eyes out and sewn his mouth shut.  

ZEVRAN: Erm… as punishment for… mutilating thousands of his own people?

STEN: No, we just do that to anyone who uses magic. As is right and proper.

ZEVRAN: I… am an assassin. And I am not the scariest person on this team. I… how did this happen? I mean, I still have my position as the sexy one, but still.  

BLAKE: Oh, whatever. You know what? I don’t even care. Let’s just break this thing and go home, it’s not like we actually like Bhelen. No need for another stupid boss fight.

BRANKA: DID SOMEONE ORDER ANOTHER STUPID BOSS FIGHT?!

BLAKE: [Kind of TWITCHES.]

[SCENE: ORZAMMAR, about a MONTH LATER.  The team WANDERS into the CITY, because to WALK into a city you need to have some DIGNITY REMAINING.  NOBODY looks very HAPPY, nobody is TALKING, and BLAKE still has a bit of BRANKA on her.]

OGHREN: …. Did ya really have to cut off her…

BLAKE: I SWEAR I WILL EAT YOUR HEART.

STEN: She may in fact do it. Her mind is unstable.  [PAUSES]  More than the rest of you, I mean.

LELIANA: Oh, and you are ze paragon of sanity?

STEN: I am a member of a fanatical expansionist brainwashing cult.  [PAUSES]  So yes.  

WYNNE: I miss my demon-infested tower.  

OGHREN: But now, seriously, you cut off her-

BLAKE: HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

[SCENE: Inside the DWARVEN ASSEMBLY HALL.]

BHELEN: I should be king!

HARROWMONT: Nuh-uh!

BHELEN: Uh-huh!  

DWARVEN POLITICIAN: Sweet ancestors, the chance to see such wondrous political masters at work is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

DWARVEN POLITICIAN 2: The pinnacle of dwarven culture, we see before us.  

BHELEN: You smell!

HARROWMONT: Your mom smells!  

[The AIR grows COLD.  BLAKE enters.  Nobody seems HAPPY TO SEE HER.]

BLAKE: Everyone. Shut up. Bhelen, you are king now. Paragon said so.  And if anyone questions it, I will gut everyone in this room.  

HARROWMONT: Which para-

[SCENE: BHELEN’s THRONE ROOM.]

BHELEN: I can’t believe she cut off all their-

OGHREN: Shit, quiet, she’s waking up, don’t let her hear you say that.

BLAKE: Uuuuugh… my head hurts…

MORRIGAN: [With one BLACK EYE, and walking on CRUTCHES.]  Oh, yes, once again the real problem is how uncomfortable you are. Bitch.  

ALISTAIR: Are you okay, my little rose blossom?  I’m afraid you had a… tiny episode.

WYNNE: The Dwarves no longer have a senate. I’m not sure that’s tiny.  

LELIANA: She was not foaming at ze mouth like after ze mage tower, that’s a step in ze right direction.

ZEVRAN: I have to guess the new king won’t be happy, though…

BHELEN: Actually, I was probably going to have them all killed and blame it on foreigners eventually. Now I don’t have to put in the effort, so hey, win-win.

BLAKE: … … …  I think I have dwarf blood in my mouth.

STEN: There was some biting. It was quite efficient. I assume you learned it from your exceptional dog.

DOG: Bark, bark!

STEN: You remain the only one of this group I respect.

BLAKE: I… ugh. You know what, screw it. Things ended well…

WYNNE: Not for the dwarves you bit to death!

BLAKE: Not counting them. And Bhelen will give me his army now. Won’t he?

BHELEN: Of course. The dwarves always stand ready to face our ancient foes, the Darkspawn, be it beneath the ground or above it. I shall give you the sum total of my military force, the mightiest army on Thedas.  I shall give you an overwhelming horde of professional killers, each one weaned on the blood of their foes. I shall give you… [PAUSE for DRAMATIC EFFECT]… fifty soldiers!

[BLAKE takes this information IN.]

[SCENE: The ROYAL PALACE in DENERIM]

LOGHAIN: So my daughter, the queen? She was asking if I had her husband killed to take his throne and now I’m locking her in the palace so she can’t run the country without me.  

TIM CURRY: Oh shit, what did you tell her?

LOGHAIN: I kind of coughed and pretended I didn’t hear her.  I mean, how do you reply to that?

TIM CURRY: We should kill her.  

LOGHAIN: I… what? No. She’s my daughter, you asshole.  We’re not killing her.

TIM CURRY: I’d kill her if she was my daughter. Watch, let me get my daughter.

LOGHAIN: No!  Dude, nobody’s daughter is getting killed. We’ll just keep her locked up until I defeat everyone who thinks I shouldn’t be running the country, then kill all the Grey Wardens, then defeat the infinite horde of monsters. It’s all just tactics, really. Then she can have her country back.

TIM CURRY: I’ll get a knife.

LOGHAIN: Stop that. Seriously, I’m really questioning why I let you in on this conspira-

[An ear-splitting SHRIEK, like a TORTURED CAT being STEPPED ON by an ELEPHANT with a FOOT INFECTION that is being RIDDEN by an easily started OPERA SINGER, rings through the PALACE. No, the WORLD.  Carried by the endless chasms of the DEEP ROADS, it ECHOES into ETERNITY, bringing with it a WAVE of almost PALPABLE FRUSTRATION that makes everyone who hears it feel SLIGHTLY WORSE about the way their LIFE has been going so far.]

LOGHAIN: …

TIM CURRY: …

LOGHAIN: You know, I got the strangest feeling that was like, exactly fifty dwarves worth of rage.  Don’t ask me why. Weird, right?    

TIM CURRY: So… um… wanna sell some city elves into slavery to pay for our war?

LOGHAIN:  Do I ever!

[nauticalmyles]

January 15, 2024

Pokemon Sleep

100 Sleep!

Got a C rating for last week. That 12 hour sleep really made the graph look super inconsistent.

I really need to get some Pokemon to 30 to get the ingredients you can only get past 30.

Spirit Hunters: Infinite Horde

Magnus - Cold Steel, Out for Blood

Vivian - Hex Power, Graveyard 100

Conrad - Fried Chicken

Maxine - Elemental 44, Plague Bones

Hugo - Snake Charmer

Shakpana - Brutal Brambles

Sickle - Robin Hood, Desert Reaper

McDiggins - Spark and Ride, Farmers Run

Doing Brutal runs now. Didn't notice my first one and went 3x. Then the purple enemies started showing up. Almost won the run too. Pretty easily won the 2x speed of it though.

Was it really necessary to have an enemy that can just insta-kill you?

Realized that I'm just two away from getting all Steam Achievements and neither of them really have to do with Challenges. Think I'll still do all challenges anyway.