#Sorry needed to vent I've been stuck on this the whole day

[mariacrow]

Hi! Can I request bayverse bumblebee celebrating reader's birthday? Just really fluffy unlimited attention that they haven't gotten from anyone else in years 🙏 I ask cuz it was my birthday recently and I've been feeling pretty down about everything 😔 Thanks! ❤️

Sweetheart, I know exactly how you feel. I am so sorry to hear this… I know I made a schedule for the requests but I need to write this first! 💛

I hope you enjoy honey and happy birthday! 🥳🐝

❁ Bumblebee x reader ❁

2nd person

angst and fluff

female reader

takes place after Transformers: The Last Knight

takes place in the reader’s backyard and garage

bad mood on your birthday, comfort, gifts

Bumblebee was so excited for your birthday. He could barely go into stasis the previous night. He spent the whole night in the garage, making you a gift. Being the clumsy bot he is, he was making a lot of noise and a lot of mess despite being as careful as possible. He was trying his best not to wake you up because then you’d come to check on him and the surprise would be ruined.

Unfortunately, around 3am, he knocked down A WHOLE ASS SHELF in your garage. The tall metal structure banged on the floor and made the whole house shake. As he started panicking, he was turning around and knocking down more stuff, trying to pick it up along with everything that fell off of it.

Soon he could hear your footsteps approaching. With no room to transform into a car due to all the mess, he was stuck. You opened the garage door and to his surprise, in your sleepy state, you couldn’t see properly due to your blurry sight.

“Bee…? You okay in there…?” you asked while rubbing your eye and yawning. You were so cute with your messy hair and twisted pajamas.

“Mhm mhm!” he buzzed while trying to hide the unfinished gift behind his back along with all the mess.

“Why aren’t you in stasis…?” you were almost sleep walking, you probably won’t remember half of this in the morning.

He looked around in panic and awkwardly shrugged, mimicking what would sound like “I don’t know”

“Mmmrr okay… See you in the morning then, goodnight…” as you went back to bed.

He ex vented in relief as he, now calmly, started putting everything where it belongs.

He only got a couple of hours of stasis when he finished with your birthday present. But it was just enough for him. He woke up happier than ever! He was impatiently walking around your backyard waiting for you to wake up while holding your birthday gift behind his back.

But you were nowhere to be found… You didn’t spread your curtains and happily say good morning like you always do… You didn’t play loud music while doing your morning routine…

He was getting worried. Then he saw you in the kitchen, eating your breakfast as if someone is holding a gun to your head. He bowed and tapped on your backyard door.

You smiled a little and waved at him. He waved back and gestured you should come out. And you did. Dragging your feet and lazily opening the backyard door.

He immediately grabbed you and started spinning you around in his safe grasp while mimicking the tune of the birthday song.

“Bee! Wait- ahh! Hahaha!” you couldn’t help but laugh. He was so joyful.

He brought you closer to his face plate and nuzzled his muzzle against your cheek, as if he was kissing you. You gave him a hug, “Ahh! That tickles!” you giggled.

He then looked at you with wide sparkling optics. But then his expression softened as he noticed you aren’t as excited as you’re supposed to.

“What’s the matter…?” he asked over the radio.

“Nothing, just.. I don’t know. I’m not used to all this… My mood always hits rock bottom when my birthday comes…”

He let out a low, sad buzz as he gently rubbed your back with his digit.

“But— it’s your— special day!”

“I know, Bee… I’m trying to think that way too…”

“Please… Don’t be— sad…”

He made you smile. Your puppy eyes made him melt. Another low buzz rumbled in his chassis as he brought you closer to his face plate again, closing his optics as he snuggled.

“You’re right…” you cupped his precious face, “I should enjoy this day. With you…”

He nodded like a little kid as his optics filled with excitement.

“I made— something— for you.” he said as he finally showed you what he was holding behind his back all along.

It was a bouquet of 5 flowers made out of wires poked in a metal plate and tied from underneath along with a butterfly and a bumblebee. It wasn’t perfect but you could definitely figure what it was.

You gasped and covered your mouth. You were speechless, taking it and carefully holding it.

“Bee… You made this…?” tears almost filled your eyes.

He nodded. He pointed at the butterfly and then at you. He then pointed at the bumblebee and then at himself.

“Oh! I get it! The butterfly is me and the bumblebee is you!” you said happily.

He rapidly nodded again, it seemed as if he was smiling.

“I… I’m speechless! This is the best birthday present I’ve ever gotten!” joy and gratitude was written all over your face. It made his young spark melt.

“Anything— for you— Y/N.”

“So that’s why you were making a mess in the garage last night!” you laughed as you figured.

He rubbed the back of his helm as he innocently shrugged, looking like this: “😅”

“Oh, my dearest Bee- WOAH!”

He suddenly transformed which made you laugh as you found yourself in the driver’s seat of the Chevy with the creative sculpture in your lap (which will proudly stand in your bedroom).

“Now let’s— go get— a birthday cake!”

“Hell yeah!”

He floored it through the garage, again knocking down some stuff, mostly flowerpots.

“BEE!!!” to which he laughed.

“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Buzzbuzz~” which sounded like “maybe”.

“What do you mean “maybe”? You silly!” you playfully kicked him to which he made you jolt in your seat.

You kept nudging him while laughing as he was making you bounce in the driver’s seat. All that matters to him is your happiness, your smile, your laugh… Your laugh is like music to his audio receptors.

“I love you, Bee… to Cybertron and back!”

“Nooo— I love you— more!”

“Nu-uh! I love YOU more!”

“Nu-uh!” he imitated you.

And you went on and on while enjoying the ride to the local bakery. He really made you feel special, like a princess. You are his princess after all and he wants only the best for you. His spark aches when you’re sad… Especially on a day like this!

Of course he turned on the radio. You sang along and enjoyed the fun ride.

Of course the cake was yellow with sunflowers and bumblebees. He convinced you to buy candles too. Back at home, in the backyard, he prepared a little picnic for you. He placed a blanket on the grass and prepared the cake. He hummed the birthday song’s tune for you again.

“Make a wish darling~” he used a movie quote.

When you blew out the candles he clapped for you and squeezed you in his arms which almost made you lose your breath.

He fed you, played with your hair, nuzzled into your neck, gently swayed you from side to side to the music… He really made you feel like the only person on the planet. A lonely butterfly dancing with a happy bumblebee.

His one and only.

Dividers belong to @patches-1105 , @lostsozai , @cute-sushi-roll 💛

[meadowdaydreams]

Keep scrolling to avoid my negativity...

I dont know how to unlearn what I've been taught in the past 2 years. I don't want to feel and think my worth is tied to my physical appearance anymore. I want to go back to when I believed I was lovable the way I am and when i knew my worth wasn't tied to anything to do with my looks. How do I win this never-ending battle?

I know I sound like a broken record on here... but this is so exhausting. I literally just want to feel comfortable existing and be able to focus on following God and being a good person and a good mother. I don't want to care about all this worldly bullcrap but it feels like a need for survival.

I feel weak and stupid for the way I am now, like I failed a trial God allowed to come my way. I should've somehow not been affected by my husband's sick mind and actions. Logically I know what's true so why can't I convince myself of what i once fully knew and lived out? I don't understand what's happened to me and I don't know how to fix it. I'm in a church group for women that are going through the same thing and it's been very validating but I can't help but think, how is this going to actually solve anything? Is this really just the way my life is going to be until death?

Leaving my marriage feels pointless because I've been told again and again by everyone, "all men lust after other women". They say it so lightly like it's not a big deal. Am I too sensitive? Or are they not realizing what they're saying? Because when they say that I hear, "all men want to get off to / have sex with other women even if they're in a relationship". How is that so normalized? I don't want to be with a man that wants other women sexually whether it's physical cheating or "just fantasies". Is it impossible for a man to be 100% faithful and loyal to his wife? I know it's possible for women and all men I've told this to pretty much laugh and don't believe it. Even devoutely Christian men I've spoken with say I have impossible standards for a husband and that I'll never have a "perfect" husband. I DONT WANT A PERFECT HUSBAND! I JUST WANT HIM TO LOVE ME AND BE FAITHFUL!!!!!!???!!! How is that asking for too much? Is that not bear minimum????

I despise my hopes and dreams now. All I wanted was a husband to love and for him to love me back and to have a nice family. But apparently that's asking for too much. Oh well I guess. Who needs that anyway? Apparently I don't.

Oh and while I'm at it...

I'm angry at God for allowing this. I know He knows better than me but the Bible says "ask and you shall receive" if it's according to His will. Well before I married, I prayed to not let me be decieved by the man I was soon to be married to. I prayed a lot more about marriage than that but that part has been stuck in my mind... because God let me be deceived. I trusted God fully and thought he would protect me and guide me. I thought all the signs pointed to this man being the "right" one. So now I feel like God doesn't care at all about my temporary life here on earth.

Guys I'm so tired. To make it through each day I pretty much have to intentionally make myself dead inside so the pain and grief won't kill me. I hate it because it's making me feel heartless and cold but I can't afford to be too depressed to get out of bed anymore. My job is on the line now. My whole life feels like a cage that I just can't escape from.

Anways, just ignore my vent and sorry if you read this.

[beesfairlyland]

hi bee, i'm sorry for the vent, but i just really need to get this out. i've been into concepts since like... 2016 i think? first loattraction, then loassumption, and now non dualism. i used all of these to "get something" yes, even nd. sure, when i learned about nd i let go of desiring, but in the end i still do "want" to have "my" desired life as a human/"ego". i've been doing everything i read for nd, letting go of all labels, thoughts, etc. and it's been going well, but recently i've started worrying again. everything i did when i was still into both loa's changed absolutely nothing/didn't work for me (i've never "manifested" anything in these almost 8 years), so i'm worried about being stuck as a this human that i do not want to be at all forever. i'm worried about not stripping labels and letting go "good enough" and i'm worried that everyone on here is just feeding me lies about this freedom and liberation. do you have any advice for this? i'm just so desperate to stop identifying with the ego (and an ego i don't like being at that)

Heya hun!💗

It's okayy don't be sorry....i understand sometimes it get's soo frustrating that we need to take it out. I feel you I've been here too before.

Take a deep breathe and calm down. Ik it sucks being stuck in a loop of trying and trying again, in a loop of desiring. But baby you have to understand that Non dualism is not a method, ik you know this too. And uk it's okay if you wanna have your desires (more of beautiful experiences) , may be it's just you are not ready yet to KNOW yourSELF and that's totally fine. There's nothing to hurry about, nowhere to reach. Have some rest. Don't beat yourself up. Okay?

First things first i want you to KNOW that the experiences that you wanna have are nothing special. They are YOU. And Everything that this ego can think of it is already here. It's your choice what you wanna experience.

Rn you are aware of desiring things, from lack. Im not asking you to do nothing, ik it's just gonna make you anxious. Just bare with me hear me out (it's gonna go out of nd perspective). I want you to drop the idea of getting something. If you want to, first feel every shitty emotion you want to. Cry it out. Let it all out. If you wanna cry for whole day, go ahead. But after that, you won't go back to being aware of those feelings. Ofc you'll have thoughts but just don't entertain them. Not yours so they can get lost. Don't give feeling to that thought. And no you don't have to act like you have what you wanna experience, you have to KNOW that this dream gonna change for good. And that's inevitable. I want you to tap into your non dual state aka void state. But this time you are not putting it on a pedestal. I suggest you to read my post and Know what *void* actually is:

And if you don't wanna meditate....you can try lucid dreaming. And it can be beneficial to make you understand that you are not this mind-body. I lucid dream and it's soo fun. Go ahead and give it a try. Just KNOW that you can do it.

Remember it's all gonna be alright. It's destined. you came across all this knowledge for a reason.

Ik i am a non dualism blogger soo i should just stick to that. But ik where you coming from and me giving you more pointers, asking you to go within won't do any good to you. And im here to help you guys. Giving you some motivation about not giving up wouldn't do any good to you atleast in this situation.

Hope i could help you a lil bit! If you wanna ask something else feel free to send in an ask!

-love, bee🐝💗

[wraenata]

You seem to put a lot of energy into being considerate of others. I'm thankful for it but like, how? I hope you're taking care of yourself.

Hi anon! Thank you very much, I really appreciate this.

I really like being considerate of others, in fact it makes me happy. When I see someone having a down day, I just want them to know that someone saw, and wants things to get better for them. Because that's how I really feel. I love all of you in my phone and I want you to be ok. And I like leaving nice tags for people on their art, because I know how much joy that can bring.

But, ugh, yeah. I'm not going to lie, it takes a lot of energy.

I think I'll put the rest under the cut...

Ever since the months started getting warmer this year I've been having more trouble keeping up with my dash (I'm someone who needs to scroll through the whole thing). Before the wedding I was in and covid about a month ago, I was able to just barely keep up with my dash and also scrolling the rise tag. Because I didn't want to miss anything! I also was able to scroll through ao3 to see what new fics were posted and bookmark ones I wanted to read! I...haven't been able to do that anymore...and I hate it.

I'm so far behind on reading fanfics that I absolutely enjoy because I just don't have the energy for reading anything longer than 1k at a time right now. And I can't start any new ones until I catch up on the old ones. There are so many writing posts I came across on my dash that are stuck in draft jail until I have time and energy to read them. And quite a few art posts that I came across when I just didn't have time.

I try hard to keep up with my dash at work but I only have so much (extremely generous) time to do that. I'm often speed running tags when I don't have a lot of time or energy. And sometimes I can't express just how much I love your art because of that low time or energy. And I hate putting posts in drafts cause it piles up and gives me anxiety. And when I come home its just, dash, all night.

I am eternally grateful for @/teainthesnow, she keeps all the tmnt tagged posts coming onto my dash so I can still see them (if you see this tea I am so appreciative of all the work you do for the fandom, you are an amazing person and I love you/platonic).

I've already unfollowed a few blogs, and I agonized over it, for like weeks, before doing it. But it hasn't been enough. If you noticed I unfollowed you in the past 2 months, please know that it was nothing personal and I hated that I had to do it. I miss seeing your posts and how your day is going. We are mutuals in my heart forever.

In fact I wish I could follow so many more blogs but I have had to stop myself for a while now. And it really fucking sucks. I've tried filtering a bunch of tags to make it easier too but it's not enough.

The fact of the matter is, I need to unfollow more blogs. And I hate to do it. I know I need to do it. I've known for a while now. I don't have the energy to keep up with it anymore, not after getting covid. I'm just so tired. All the time.

If you see that I unfollow you at some point, again, I love you and we are mutuals in my heart forever. All of my followers are my mutuals. My askbox and messages are always open. You can always tag me in posts (and oh my I'm just remembering all the of tag games I haven't had time to do) I just can't keep up with this anymore. I want to get back to reading fanfic and making the mountains of fanart I want to do for people.

I just, I love you all. But I'm so so tired. I really hope if anything comes out of this long ramble, its that I love you all. The rise fandom has given me so much and I want to return that love.

I'm sorry for the late response anon, and I'm sorry for turning your lovely ask into a bit of a vent. I've tried to put this off for as long as I could, but I just can't do it anymore.

I love you all though <3

[brujitaadinbo]

I come with every intention of writing and spoilers: this requires a lot of text but, sorry… it's an interesting read.

I've seen a lot of people complain about SW and their way of doing things; I've seen people complain about The Mandalorian and say; At what point did it become children's content?

Well, as I tell you, since season 1 this content has always turned out to be family content.

Now the people who say this; It is because it is alienated that SW does not vary; when practically the SW material is pure fantasy and there is material for everyone, of all colors and flavors. The Mandalorian cannot be pigeonholed solely into violence; friend, then you have not understood anything about this universe.

See Star Wars and everything Geroge, Filoni and Jon have been working on with a whole creative team, etc, etc. is to enter that world to which they took you "the never ending story", "the labyrinth", "Dragon Heart", "Merlin" and I can continue… magical worlds, where hope resides everywhere, where love It is an important point because despite not being able to see it, it becomes part of this environment and expresses itself in mysterious ways (yes, like strength). That is why pigeonholing SW solely in violence is taking away a vital part of its narrative, it is as if the conflicts in its different aspects were not shown; or wanting to remove something very substantial that although species from other worlds are shown; They have something that unites them with everything. "The feelings, the emotions, the humanity that exists in these aspects"

Friend, believe me, when you only get stuck in violence and don't want to look at something else; The problem is you and maybe SW is not the content you need. And hey; I'm not saying that you have to accept everything, but definitely criticizing just to criticize, hating just to hate is ridiculous and pathetic. Taking SW or the Mandalorian as entertainment after a difficult day is not bad at all. But now you want to take this as a personal vent, project yourself, harass and be an infernal hater, sorry but that's disgusting.

And believe me; That violence that you ask for so much is desensitizing you, it makes you someone who loses the notion of how you can harm others and there are people like me; who lives in violent countries, where your life is at stake every 5 minutes, that the only thing we want is to stop experiencing this violence and live fantasy and hope. So stop messing around, okay.

At the end of the day your requests are like: "You want a good development for Din Djarin, but you don't want him to associate with anyone, you want to pigeonhole him into a life in the countryside with a secondary character, You want him to continue in a dangerous profession that "no It leaves nothing good for him or his green boy, you complain about everything and it doesn't seem like anything to you.” Please; It's very obvious that you didn't watch the series and don't understand Din's development. stop fucking around.

A few days ago I was watching episode 3 and I'm going to say this; Anakin is a great character, he is a villain through and through, but all this grew like a snowball. They lost Anakin and he was already lost, Palpatine knew how to play his pieces. In the entire world of SW it is difficult to pigeonhole the characters because; The decisions are the ones that weigh the most. All SW characters have an Anakin within them, they all carry a complex and a mourning of their being; a good being or a bad being. Doing what is right or wrong is a struggle of ethics and morals.

Anakin was an enslaved child and grew up with this complex, remaining a slave due to his attachments until his death. Their actions do not have to be justified, but they do need to be understood and exposed. At the end of the day in this universe Who has not stained their hands with mud or blood to fight for something? Who hasn't had to ignore innocent people to preserve an idea or a fight? Who hasn't had to give in to the bad orders of others to save their people?

When I see people judging Bo Katan, for example; for being a terrorist in her past or for her wrong actions and them using this as a reason for Din not to be around her; I say to you.. How low and dirty do they have to be to use a person's past, in this case a character, and judge them and not allow them to redeem themselves?

Si Din let Bo Katan redeem himself this season 3 Who do you think you are to not allow it?

It hurts me a lot to see Anakin get lost and to see that here they showed us what love is. but they also show us "it's the right person at the wrong time"

Padme could fight hard but her own worries and Anakin's attitudes were driving them apart.

When Anakin is tempted to turn to the dark side to gain power and knowledge, he gives in to his attachment to Padme, his fear, and gives in to the temptation. And for example in the mandalorian from season 1 We can see how temptation tried to envelop Din Djarin so that he would leave the creed.

Many people believe that this scene with Omera was "romantic" which it was not so; This series was representative of that TEMPTATION that Din could have fallen into. It's a symbolic scene of how Din was able to abandon the creed, stop being a Mandalorian, settle down and live in a remote place. EVEN when he mentions to Omera that his main goal was to honor Mandalorian culture, which saved him from the droids. SHE tries to take off his helmet if he allows it, invasively, as a temptation. THE CLEAR THING was that he NEVER fell into temptation.

Din clearly tells him "I don't belong here."

Because many say “I wanted a quiet life with her.” I say; Since he did not agree to stay and preferred the creed and remain Mandalorian, develop his character, surround himself with other people, adopt Grogu and recover his planet together with Bo Katan, I tell you HE preferred a Mandalorian life and his lifestyle and culture may be anything but "a quiet lifestyle."

Now when they say "Bo katan is a liar, a villain" it's because they didn't understand any point I mentioned. All SW characters have had to make difficult decisions, Bo Katan has been more oriented towards being an Anti-hero. And I don't justify her but it is understood and her points of view are expressed, about why she acted that way.

Since season 2 he could have killed or betrayed Din and taken his saber, in season 3 he had all the time and opportunities to do so. AND IT NEVER HAPPENS…

And it is more than clear that she had a very peculiar interest in him, that she protected him in some way.

Always saving him, even in chapter Plazir 15, she saves him from the separatist droids just when he shows rejection towards politicians. A clear nod to the fact that she does not fall for opulence or power, she simply wants to right her wrongs and bring glory to Mandalore, so that her people have their home.

Saying that Bo Katan "didn't redeem himself because he didn't do anything" Sorry, but living with a tormented conscience, with memory and constant regret. This season 3 Brendan Wayne himself says it in a podcast where he is a guest: "Din wanted to get Bo Katan out of that depression of that cloudy cloud of thoughts and knock her out with his own feelings, it was like he was talking to my wife"

I uploaded that interview and you can find it on my wall, I don't lie like SCREENRANT, they love to lie.

I don't want to go into more detail but I'm going to close this post with this.

Let's assume Din and Bo don't want anything romantic, okay. then at least allow them to be comrades in arms; It doesn't take anything away from them, on the contrary it gives them both a lot. Both Din with his own qualities can support Bo and vice versa. So why separate them if in the end, they are just friends?

And if it turns out that there are feelings and love between the two IT ALSO doesn't take anything away from them and yes, it contributes to them.

Star Wars is a galactic opera and I repeat; Taking away love just because you are a bitter person is taking away one of its main foundations.

The Mandalorians would be another very peculiar, interesting and unique perspective on love, if they let this union flow. Because it wouldn't be the typical cliché

We would see Din and Bo fighting together, sharing moments, weapons, tactics, in the middle of a battle, a show of affection, a hug, something very human, holding hands, fighting together, sharing plans, exchanging ideas and even A Keldabe kiss..

I and many see potential, at least in this shipment there is a lot of material to refute this couple; and I'm completely in the group that wants to keep them together.

This is the way.

[elegyofthemoon]

more life stuff/vent under the read more but i just wanted to say thanks for people who were around/messaged me yesterday. really. youre all super sweet and i really hope the kindness youve shown me and joy will always follow you. youre all wonderful

i went to bed kinda late bc of how panicked and shaken i was about the whole situation. i did sleep through the night thankfully, but i saw my folks leave more messages about 'trying again' and 'not making a stupid mistake' and the panic starts setting in again everytime i do bc they really dont understand and i dont think they will genuinely unless i do something rash, but i wont. im telling myself i wont bc i have a bunch of things to look forward to. like i have something waiting for me back home in june, so i have to go home for that. i have the p//enacony arc to play through next week and enjoy, and i have allen's companion quest and the transduction arc i've been wanting to write for this year.

i still have a lot of things to look forward to for this year so i have to press on.

i need to survive the long day today. but i feel like im just gonna space out and things arent gonna feel real for me today or rather for a while. but its what i have to do to stop myself from panicking again.

i just dont know what to say or respond to my parents with anymore because i'm gonna put myself in panic again... we'll find the words somehow.

but. yeah. thanks everyone again. and im so sorry ive been venting since last year really. i really want this year to be different; i dont want to be in so much extended pain the way that i was last year. i really dont want to suffer anymore from this and i have to make that change but for now im stuck

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

I don't really think I need any tws? Maybe tw for me hating that I'm half deaf and need a hearing aid. Oh and also tw for swearing.

Looking for: just wanna vent and maybe some advice

So I'm deaf in one ear. And it never really bothered me that much. Sure it was kinda annoying sometimes cuz I gotta focus real hard to even hear something but I never really hated it. But now, because I'm deaf, I have to go to many MANY appointments. Mri scans, hearing aids, hearing tests, it's all so annoying. I have to miss school to go there sometimes too. Its so fucking annoying I hate it so much. I've had SO many hearing tests and the thing they put in ur ear to test, that thing is SOOOOO painful, my ear would be ringing and in so much pain afterwards. The beeping sounds would feel like a bullet was shot in my head. I didn't tell the doctors this cuz Idk what are they even gonna do about it, give me a pep talk? But those tests were temporary so it wasn't that bad. But now, they're telling me that I should use a cros hearing aid, I tried it on and oh my god it was SO painful I don't even know how to explain. The pain of that aid was so overwhelming I couldn't even concentrate on anything else. I told them that me and my family will think about it more and let them know if I will wear it or not. My parents didn't really liked that, they told me that I have to wear it cuz year 10 is coming and it's gonna be really hard to concentrate in classes with a hearing aid, I really get their point and I know I should wear it, that's the most logical thing to do. But I just don't want to. I don't wanna wear that thing. I don't wanna have to wear painful thing in my ear just to function like how normal people do. They say that it will be more comfortable with time but I think it's gonna take like months to get used to it, I don't think I can bear the pain that long. Even after that wearing test my ears still hurt for DAYS, and I only wore it for a few seconds. Imagine how painful it would be to wear it for forever. This whole thing is starting to make me hate my disability, I hate being deaf why wasn't I just born normal. I hate having to bear pain just to be normal. Why do I have to do this, I don't want to be stuck with a stupid hearing aid for the rest of my lifes. Worse is I have a low pain tolerance so it just makes it more painful. I don't want to wear it. I don't want to go to appointments like once every two weeks. It's so fucking annoying I fucking hate it. I don't know what to do. I know the most logical thing to do is to wear it cuz it has many advantages, but I don't think I can bear the pain. What should I do? I'm so conflicted about this whole thing

-🦆

Hi 🦆,

I'm sorry to hear about the struggles you've been facing. It must be so frustrating to be in an environment where the ability to hear is assumed. On top of the various tests and appointments you've undergone, it must feel incredibly isolating as well. But please know that you're not alone, and you are seen.

It's important that you are given full autonomy in this situation because it is your body and your condition so you deserve the right to say what you want to do. It's disappointing that it seems like your parents don't understand or respect your perspective or preferences. While some other kind of hearing aid may be less painful, it should ultimately be your choice whether or not you want to use one.

You don't deserve to feel pressured or forced to wear a hearing aid at the convenience of others, and especially as a student you deserve to have accommodating care that can help you learn effectively without a supplement like a hearing aid. Your school may be different but as an autistic my high school offered things like extra time, alternate location, stand and stretch, and other things. It may be worth looking into whether or not your school offers accommodations for HoH folks and what kinds of alternatives they offer.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[mildew-mop]

So I heard that Miraculous Ladybug had a new season with animation that didn't look like shit, and I decided to rewatch the show. Started a few days ago.

I have not been caught up since like season 4(?). There was a point where I was watching episodes in 2-3minute segments, ripped from when they aired live in France, visually altered, and uploaded to YouTube, refreshing the page in real time and checking updates for when the English subtitles are added.

I'm currently watching it with the English dub. If I want anyone in this house to watch anything I'm into, it has to be dubbed as my boyfriend and roommate/friend are slow readers. Anyways I got my friend glued to the couch getting into Miraculous Ladybug. So far, she thinks chloe and hawkmoth should die because that would solve a lot of problems.

Just watched origins part 2, and at this point, I need to go to bed.

But anyways I forgot how unhinged Marinette is. Also neither her nor Adiren know how to hide transformations. The only reason no one notices is because no bystanders are animated half the time.

It takes like halfway through the first half of season 1 (as it's listed on Netflix) for the dub to start translating the jokes better and actually be funny in English.

The whole show is bonkers because it's French, and it's just so fun to watch.

Im slowly relearning the lore.

Justice for the pigeon guy.

The horrificator is still boring. The one where they are stuck in the school. I've never liked that episode, I'm not sorry.

The umbrella scene is adorable, but Marinette is still unhinged.

Justice for the weather girl who went into the elevator to calmly vent about losing instead of losing her shit on stage. She should have won, and handled her loss with grace until she was turned evil and obsessive.

Kim fucking kneeled in the one puddle on the entire bridge and took it out on the whole city. He was not justified.

Acab and justice for pigeon guy.

Stoneheart is the worst thing ever (visually) also im still not sure if that stadium was supposed to be full because no one was animated??? No wonder they shoved the origin episodes at the end of the season.

Im trying to remember what else in what i have watched so far that i have opinions on. I can make individual posts from here on but here is my long intro(?) Post.

Bubbler is still an awful episode ngl.

I feel bad for the school principal like chloe is a menace.

It is funny how much they retcon lore though from what i remember about later seasons.

[reminiscentrainclouds]

Fictionkin Journal Day Fifteen (This one's kind of long and I vent about off-topic stuff a lot so feel free to skip. Uhh my apologies.)

Some days I feel so alone. It feels like the opportunity to live freely and without fear was stolen from me; I see it in my reoccurring issues, the limitations I place on myself subconsciously that I can't seem to escape. I see it over and over and over again in whatever weird piece-y memories I do have, and written down in journals and scraps of paper and sticky notes and old posts. Recorded in my voice recorder app at one point too. It's so frustrating. I feel boxed in. The world is so big but my world is so small, and I can't see a path for me where that changes because everything that I am and understand about anything is built up on it so carefully that dismantling that, although that's the only potential way of making any meaningful progress, would feel like dying, or something. Not to be dramatic. It would be like completely destroying the world and having to rebuild what I know about it, piece by piece, to me. And I don't think that will ever be worth it to me, because as I am, I am relatively safe and well-off. I can be okay until I'm not. And when I'm not I can just wait till I am again. But it's so hard sometimes, and I feel like nothing.

Sorry for the. Dense paragraph of emotion dumping. It's been a rough day. I've just been feeling the full extent of being put at an unfair disadvantage mentally.

It's a trauma thing etc. etc. That's the unfair part. Gaughh

I just wish that, at the very least, the only ONLY thing I really want, is to not be stuck with the inherent feeling that the world is not for me. The inherent feeling that if I were to do something just a little "out of line" with the way I "should be", everything would fall apart.

But. Ehh the venting was not entirely intended because the end-all-be-all is that it's a non-issue but there it is I guess.

When I was thinking about it earlier, the point I was trying to get to was that Fictionkin as a concept is just as much a comfort to me as it is a belief. I think they go hand-in-hand. I lean into it a lot because it makes me feel less alone, and it helps me understand the world better. I can kind of find a lot of meaning in it rather than feeling like nothing all the time.

I feel like I can't be as much of a "person" here than I could in other lifetimes(?) I guess. Feelings-wise, that is. I know there are plenty of things that are identifiably "me" from the outside, but on the inside I just feel kind of lost inside it all, like it's all just a bunch of information. But I'm hoping that if I hold onto things that feel like me and I keep trying, then maybe that can be good enough.

Buuuut even that can be tricky. The brainfog and the dissociation (I think). "Holding onto things" in general is.. hard. That's a lot of what sparked this really. I can barely even keep up my optimism, especially when I haven't slept enough (which is luckily becoming less of a problem but one less-than-ideal night can wreck a whole lot, you'd be surprised), and I can just kind of fall into a general "feeling of dread" spiral all day. Haven't found anything that helps consistently with that one so far, so for now it's just a prevention issue. I amn doinge mye best.

I really needed to say a lot of that. Well sorry for subjecting you to all that/thank you for listening if you did.

[its-vannah]

Surprise | Eddie Roundtree x Reader

A/N: This easily became one of my favorites I've ever written. Hope you all enjoy it 💕

Warnings: Please scroll down to the bottom of the fic as it contains heavy spoilers

Daisy Jones and The Six Masterlist

Eddie paced around your apartment, waving his hands in the air while he rattled on about Billy's treatment of him during one of their latest concerts.

The two of them weren't exactly cordial to each other, with one usually down the others throat, but you understood how Eddie felt. He had finally gotten the chance to have a minute in the spotlight while Daisy sang—and Billy ripped the opportunity out of his hands.

As soon as he got back from the tour, he went straight home to vent to you about it.

"I mean, who the fuck does he think he is?" Eddie exclaimed, his slapping his sides, "If he's not the center of attention, then he's not happy!"

He rambled on, "And his whole obsession with Daisy? Don't get me started. They don't even let us write for the albums—at all. You know, Graham wrote a song. A fucking great song. And you know what Billy said?"

"What did he say?" You hummed.

"He said no, we don't want your damn song on the album because it's not your job to write the songs."

You tilted your head to the side, "Verbatim?"

"Well, no, but that's what he meant," Eddie groaned, bracing himself against one of the barstools in the kitchen, "He's got a stick permanently shoved up his ass."

You got up from your spot on the couch and walked to stand behind him. Once your fingers found his shoulders, you began moving them in circles to loosen up the tension in his upper body.

He relaxed a bit, leaning into your touch.

"Eddie, I'm sorry that happened at the concert," You said, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade, "Next time, stand your ground. Tell him if it's been decided you'll go out there, then you're going to go. To hell with what he thinks. It's not just his band, it's all of yours."

A sigh escaped his lips as he nodded, "It feels like shit being on his bad side. He always wants to be in control."

"Then let him," You said as he turned to face you, "It'll catch up with him eventually."

Eddie pressed his lips to your temple, wrapping his arms around you, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I was a dick when I got home," He explained, "Didn't even ask how my girl's day was."

Your hand moved to cup his cheek, rubbing his cheekbone with your thumb, "It's okay, Ed, you had a shitty day with Billy. You know I'm here if you need someone to talk to. You should, anyway, I'm your wife."

Your teasing tone caused a slight smile to appear on his face as he leaned in to kiss you—properly, as he said, this time.

He pulled away not long after, "So, how were you while I was gone?"

"About that," You said, taking a step back towards the living room to grab something from beneath the side table, "I have a surprise for you."

"For me?" He questioned, confusion washing over his face before he raised his eyebrows, "I mean, if you're in the mood, I am. How long has it been? Since the day before the tour?"

Playfully glaring back at Eddie, you picked the small box up and carried it over to him, "Put your hands out

"I feel like a kid all over again," He admitted as he stuck his hands out, "Don't tell me I have to close my eyes."

"You don't."

"Is it a pony?" He teased, causing you to laugh in response.

You shrugged, "Let's just hope I got the right kind."

He held the box in his hands, confused as to what it could be.

"Open it."

He undid the ribbon, sliding it off the box before lifting the lid. The bassist was left with more tissue paper, something he was never fond of.

Once he lifted back the layers and saw the contents, his eyes widened.

Inside was a pair of little baby boots and a small guitar pick. Unlike some of his bandmates who would've stared at it wondering what it meant until they had to be told, it clicked in his head right away.

In a small, soft voice, his eyes met yours, "You're pregnant?"

You nodded as he set the box down on the coffee table, gently taking you in his arms and weaving his hands through your hair, pressing your head to his chest.

"God, I'm gonna be a dad."

Smiling into his chest, you inhaled the lingerinf scent of his cologne, "The best."

The two of you stood there for a while, living in the world you had created on your own. In that moment, there was no Billy, no band, and no way in hell anything could ever tear you away from eachother.

------------------------------------------------------------

Warnings: Pregnancy, marriage, Billy Dunne SLANDER

[linaselandbasil]

For @losyashkakus! If you're not her turn around immediately or ill call the police on your stupid ass for trespassing!

@aide-falls you can read it too, but read chapter 33 first.

This is a removed scene from ch.33. I thought it was a little too spicy for aadiftraf, so I rewrote it but I keep my removed scenes because I think I'll need them and today is the day when I finally needed one! Yay! Have fun bestie!

....

He took the rope out of the bag and flung it over his shoulder. It's going to be fun.

He silently walked towards her, readying the rope. She couldn't hear his footsteps from the weird groaning and creaking that constantly echoes through this part of the passages. "Lance? AH-" he put his hand over her mouth and pushed her against a wall.

"Shhh." He pulled her arms behind her back and tied them together. "You'll wake the whole city."

"Sorry!" He put his bag down and took some more rope out. "Oh my oracle."

"She's not going to help you." He tripped her again and caught her before she fell. "I like this look on you." He tied her ankles together. She just chuckled. "Try getting out." She pulled on the ropes, she can't get out. "Can't?"

"No, how could I? How did you do this in total darkness?"

"Good." He picked her up and began walking away with her slung over his shoulder. "So, how was your day?"

"Woke up at noon, had dinner for breakfast or breakfast for dinner, whatever fits best, I went to work and now this. It's been a great day!" The only light here was coming from the vent lining the walls.

"Good to hear." He pat her thigh.

"You can go harder."

"I'll go harder when I want to."

"Oh, alright!... A-and how was your day?"

"Oh, the usual. Nearly drowned in a tunnel barely big enough to fit through, got stuck in a man-made underground thingy that I've never been in, nearly died of hypothermia and somehow ended up in- No you know what? You don't gotta know!"

"Oh? That explains the dirt!"

"Yeah..."

He threw her over a ledge and climbed up next to her. She could see two small windows, some light came in through them. He completely took his helmet off.

"Look around!" He took the lantern out and it revealed the unpainted brick that they used to wall off the door. There's a bunch of pipes in the wall opposite to them. "Isn't it homey? I just love the place! And the rent? Amazing." He pulled her toward the pipes. "Say Ah!" She opened her mouth and he pushed a handkerchief I to it. He forced her mouth closed and cast a spell on her lips in a modest kiss.

"I'm terribly sorry, my dear."

"Hmmh?" He took her keys out of her pocket.

"I just needed these."

"Hmnmh??"

"I know, I know! This whole kidnapping gig was kind of pointless, but I need you to have a good alibi. Nevra has been looking at you too closely. You'd be a suspect.... And like, I don't feel like picking the lock."

She looked at him, annoyed. She tried the ropes again, but dhe wasn't going to get out.

"Sweetheart. You'll never escape." He pulled his glove off with his teeth and boldly caressed her thigh. "Do you even want to?" He inched further and further up.

She got red. He couldn't tell in this lighting, but she had that kinda face.

"Of course you don't. You enjoy this.* I wonder if your miserable childhood has anything to do with your humiliation kink." He kisses her forehead and left, he left her the lantern at least.

[flightfoot]

Okay. I've been burying this for a while, mainly because I didn't have a place to vent, but I feel I can trust you to try and understand.

I can't be the only one with negative feelings towards Alya right? At first I loved her, she was supportive, caring and more than willing to show some sass to protect her bestie. Then the reveal happened and my opinion of her took a nose dive. I wasn't really thrilled with gang of secrets, I thought they were a bit pushy, but they were worried and I can accept that. Plus with no real clue how time passes in the show it may have been weeks after the break up with Luka and she was still withdrawn so I get why that would be more worrying then it being the next day.

No the real problem was the start of pigeon man 72 and Rocketear. One of her first lines in that episode was "I'm your best friend and a journalist, you weren't going to be able to keep a secret from me." What? It's been months! Six if you believe the movies. So that was an eye roll. Then we hit Rocketear where Alya confesses the whole thing with Rena Furtive to Nino. One week. Couldn't keep it a secret for one week. Worse she didn't even tell Marinette that she told him! I mean it's a good thing she did otherwise she would have been dust in Strike back, and I don't get why Ladybug never told Nino about the whole "she can't wear a miraculous anymore" but that's another thing.

Then I remembered the end of Animan. The girl goes from calling Nino her brother to telling him about Marinette's crush on Adrien. And still doesn't tell Marinette that she did! By the time Puppeteer 2 comes around Alya is still elbowing Nino everytime he goes to far while telling Marinette she's imagining things. Either Nino's a genius and figured it out himself or Alya's lying.

This is way longer then I meant for it to be, sorry, so I won't get into the whole Lila bit or every other little thing I noticed but I am not a fan anymore.

I definitely don't share your negative feelings towards Alya - I literally run an Alya Appreciation blog - but this is at least based on actual things that happened in the show, so I'll try to address them.

I really loved Alya and the girls in Gang of Secrets. Marinette was clearly not okay, she was crying in the bathroom stall and when she came out, pretended to be happy and okay, but it was obviously an act. And she wasn't talking to anyone about it, either. Her friends all trying to talk to her, and just wanting to know that they're there for her, that she needs to open up to someone. Marinette DID need an intervention, she wasn't coping well, and she wasn't opening up on her own. Her friends just wanted her to be okay, and given how interventionist everyone in the show is (VERY MUCH INCLUDING MARINETTE,) that involved going to try to talk to Marinette directly. In any case, I love how at the end of the episode, Alya gently told her she could talk to her if she needed it, and Marinette opened up.

One of her first lines in that episode was "I'm your best friend and a journalist, you weren't going to be able to keep a secret from me."

Is this in the French version or something? Because it wasn't in the English version for either Mr. Pigeon 72 or Rocketear.

As for Alya telling Nino that she's Rena Furtive, I actually liked that a lot. Yeah, she didn't keep it secret very long, but I'm kind of glad she didn't? Her relationship with Marinette isn't the only relationship that matters to her, or is treated as valuable by the show. And Alya was stuck between a rock and a hard place. The more people know a secret, the easier it is for it to get out... but the fewer people know it, the easier it is for misunderstandings to happen, and for the person keeping those secrets to have a breakdown. And this secret IS, first and foremost, ALYA's secret. It's about her secret identity, and she's the main one in danger if it gets out - well, her and her loved ones, as we saw in Sentibubbler.

It's not like Alya told her secret "just because", anyway. It'd helped cause the misunderstanding that led to Nino being akumatized, and yeah, while he said that he'd trust in her more after that, it still would've continued to damage their relationship if she had to keep hidden that she was still helping Ladybug.

Alya telling Nino also served to contrast her approach with Marinette's that season, with how Marinette was keeping everything secret from her own partner, Chat Noir, and the extremely detrimental effects that had on their relationship. Alya's approach was meant to be a contrast to Marinette's own, to show another path - and not necessarily a worse one, either.

As for Animan, Nino and Alya had apparently opened up to each other a lot during that stay in the zoo cage. I mean, Nino talked about being coached by Adrien. So I'm not surprised that Alya also opened up about Marinette having a crush on someone - though I'm getting the sense from the conversation that Alya might not have outright said who, but it was just easy to guess from the context - if only to try to work out what, exactly, happened.

In any case, all of this revolves around Alya's relationship with Marinette, and the assumption that she should prioritize Marinette's feelings, wishes, and not ever pushing Marinette to do anything to change a situation, even for the sake of Marinette's own happiness, and I just... can't get behind that. Alya likes and values Marinette, she's friends with her and wants her to be happy, but Marinette is not the only person who matters in her life, and nor should she be. And also just... these kids are interventionist. Which means that when Alya sees that her friends, like Marinette, are having problems, she tries to do something to help fix it. Which might not be perfect, but just leaving the situation to fester usually doesn't help things, either. And Marinette WILL leave a situation to fester, unless something forces her to see that what she's doing is untenable.

Just... I like to go at it from the mindset of "okay, picture this from Alya's perspective. Make her the main character, and Marinette be defined more as being HER best friend, rather than the other way around. How does that change things?" Because a lot of these things are the kind of stuff that's more accepted for a character, so long as they're the main protagonist, the one the story revolves around and that the audience is supposed to project onto. And logically, in-universe, there's no reason why Marinette should be given any more deference than Alya should - not outside of stuff related to being Ladybug, anyway.

I've been in this fandom since early season 3, and been reading a crapton of Miraculous fanfics since then as well. I've seen Alya made to beat Marinette up, destroy her stuff, and lead the class in terrorizing Marinette in order to give Marinette an excuse to call down whatever new friends she makes on Alya and co., having her celebrity friends publicly shame her, get her blacklisted from all future jobs, or even throw her in prison, if it's one of those "Alya assaults or poisons Marinette" fics. Even milder ones would have Alya, and the class in general, realize that apparently everything good that ever happened to them was because Marinette broke her back providing the school with all of its funding, setting up every fun field trip, and making gifts for everyone constantly with no recompense, and then ruing the day they crossed her and lost everything good in their lives, since Marinette was solely responsible for their well-being and happiness. I've seen Alya screamed at and have the things she values torn away by the people she respected the most, time and time again, on a popular and regular basis, FOR YEARS by her insanely prevalent and loud hatedom.

Any sort of thing that Alya could possibly be called out or demonized for, she has been, over and over and OVER again. There is nothing she could possibly do in the show that would in any way justify even a fraction of what has been done to her by the saltdom. I am gonna defend her whenever possible, because someone needs to.

[marchioness-caprina]

Confessions

Pairings : Reader x Bakugou

Writing Style : 1st Person and 3rd Person

Warning : A Lot of Swearing

Word Count : 3639

____________________

Y/n's POV

" I Just don't Know what To do Izuku! You're Telling Me He Likes me but he barely even takes a glance at me! The bad thing is that whenever I try approaching him... Or even expressing my Love for him... He screams bloody murder and roasts me like there's no tomorrow! " I complained as I buried my face within my palms .

I was on the verge of tears simply because of a shitty crush. I felt Izuku's Hand caress my head as He stared down at me with a sympathetic gaze.

" There, There y/n. Let it all out " He muttered making me want to cry even more but I wasn't done venting.

" I've been chasing him ever since we were in middle school! Ironic how I give nothing but love but receive pain instead... I think... I should finally Give up" I whispered the last part and Izuku's movements were put in a halt.

" Really? After everything you've been doing for him? You'll just give up?! That's not you y/n! You're the type of person who fights with everything you've got without losing hope! And that's pretty admirable! I may not be as close with Kaachan as I was before but I know for a fact that he likes you too and is just too... Errr... Umm... How do I say this? Uhh He just has a really big Ego to admit it " He tried lifting my spirit up but I was tired. My heart was tired and I just wanted to... Give up or maybe Just Rest for a couple of weeks.

" Yeah? Well you think pretty Highly of Me Izuku.... But I'm weak too you know and there are battles I must quit.... I'll just try to recollect myself and rest for a few weeks Or so, I'll have to set my Priorities straight too... Ya know... If you get what I mean and all " I chuckled trying to mask the pain and it was futile. Izuku can read me like an open book.

He gave me a solemn look before nodding. This little cinnamon roll is just too kind and understanding, he even accompanied me to this very cafe we were in when he saw me looking down coming out of the Dorms.

" I get it, People need to cool off from time to time " He gave me a small smile and I returned it with a grin.

" Hey! You know there's this Carnival That was set up last week and it's their last day today! I had two tickets and tried inviting Katsuki.... I mean Bakugou Yesterday and he almost blew these tickets away.... It would be a waste if we don't use it so why don't we start my Personal Growth and healing by having Fun!? " I exclaimed and Izuku looked genuinely as excited as me.

" Really!? Sure! I'd like to go! It's been awhile since I actually had fun because of all the Pressure and Stress! " He smiled and I grabbed his hand immediately and dragged him out of the cafe and Off to The carnival we Go!.

_________________

" Man! And Don't even get me started on the Food there! Although the Almight Mascot looked Really Weird it was still fun! " I Beamed as Izuku opened the front door.

" Yeah! And the Fireworks were awesome Too! I'm really glad we hung out today! " He bashfully stated as we simultaneously stepped inside .

" And Where have you two gone to? Maybe you shouldn't have came back if you'd show up in the middle of the damn night " Aizawa sensei suddenly appeared out of nowhere making me and Izuku flinch in shock.

" W-why... Hello there sensei " Midoriya stuttered fear ridden as he glanced down at me.

' Shit we're screwed '

" Guys! I believe it was extremely irresponsible to be gone without a word and come back at an unearthly hour! You could have atleast sent one of us a message or even answered Our calls! So we wouldn't be this anxious of your arrival! " Iida Sped walked towards me and Izuku and that's when we noticed that everyone was still up and gathered in the common room.

" We were so worried about you guys! We thought a villain took you or something! "

" Not cool dude, Aizawa Sensei almost flipped and called out a search team to look for you guys "

" You could have told us before you left "

Came the concerned comments of our classmates. It made my heart swell up with Joy and at the same time Guilt.

" We're so Sorry! " Me and Izuku yelled in Sync bowing our heads.

" It was my fault! I forgot my phone in my room! And Izuku was just accompanying me to a small cafe in town... And I invited him to go have fun at the carnival... To Distress.... I didn't think you guys would be this worried but thank you for worrying about us! " I yelled an apology and Izuku was fast to take the blame.

" No it's my fault! I turned off my phone and left without informing anyone and without thinking of the consequences! Neither me and y/n were aware of the time. We won't do it again! We're sorry guys" Izuku frowned as I placed my hand on his shoulder.

With a sigh Aizawa gave us a stern look scratching the back of his head before speaking.

" Look, this better not happen again or else you two will be in serious trouble. You're lucky tomorrow's a Sunday so No school . Just make sure to say something next time and not disappear without a trace "

" Yes sensei! " Izuku answered while I nodded my head vigorously.

As Aizawa continued his Lecture my eyes drifted towards the crowd of my classmates and what surprised me was that Bakugou was Present. He was awake. Did he actually give a fuck?... No he's probably dragged into this by Kaminari or Kirishima.

After a long 30 minutes of sermon Aizawa sensei finally let us go.

In the end everyone returned to their rooms and Before I went to mine I gave Izuku a Hug as a ' Thank you for being there for me ' and I was unaware of a pair of crimson red eyes staring at us.

_____________

The Next Day

_____________

I heard knocking on my door which forced me to wake up and open the door and to my surprise it was Izuku and Uraraka.

" Morning Guys.... What brings you here? " I yawned blinking my eyes as the two chuckled at my messy appearance.

Bed hair, oversized t shirt and drool on the corner of my lips.

" We came here to invite you for breakfast! Everyone is gathered in the common room! You're a pretty heavy sleeper! Jirou and Momo tried waking you up earlier and there was no answer " Uraraka explained but still, sleep was very much alive in my system and I just gave a lazy nod before hanging again.

" Looks like she's still Tired Uraraka, you go on ahead we'll catch up with you" Izuku offered and Uraraka was fast to jolt away a from us.

" Ok! But you better not let her go back to sleep Deku! Everyone's counting on you to wake her up! " Uraraka yelled as she headed downstairs.

I was swaying back and forth with my eyes half lidded and I had a sudden urge to sleep on the floor.

" Still sleepy? " Izuku asked and fortunately I was still awake enough to give him a nod.

" Wanna get on my back? I'll carry you down stairs so you'll have time to rest " He offered while turning his back against me and bending down.

Without hesitation I fell on his back and subconsciously wrapped my arms around his neck and my head resting on his back.

I felt his scarred hand grip my thighs and he lifted me off the ground and started walking.

Honestly I didn't know how long it took him to get to the common room but I was happy I had a really nice friend to carry me like this.

" Wow, Midoriya when we told you to get Y/n we didn't know you'd actually ' Get ' Her " The familiar Voice of Kaminari commented and I was thankfully awake or more like I forced myself to be awake.

I peeked my eyes at him and stuck my tongue out.

" Yeah you're just jealous cause Izuku is Carrying me " I retorted and Izuku's chest vibrated in a small chuckle.

" You two a Thing Now or something? " Mina grinned pointing at us with her chopsticks.

" No Mina we're not a Thing. We're People " I countered and she gave a light laugh.

" Smart move y/n. Smart move "

" Do you want me to put you down now? " Izuku asked as he looked back at me and I shook my head.

" No, I like being carried by you. You're really warm " I smirked and the poor boy's face overheated with embarrassment.

" Oo~ are you sure you two aren't a Thing? " Uraraka Teased giving me and Izuku a suggestive wink.

" So you're dumping Bakugou for Midoriya or something? " Kaminari crackled with laughter and the whole room fell into a cold silence.

As if everyone knew something I should be aware of.

" Me and Bakugou aren't Dating in the first place, I don't think we'll ever be together too " I confidently stated and I could hear gasps and the shock faces of my classmates didn't go unnoticed.

" S-She called him Bakugou and Not Katsuki! " Mineta Yelled in panic as he stared at me with wide eyes.

Suddenly a loud bang was heard from one of the tables. Specifically the Table Bakugou was on.

He had slammed his hand on the table along with his chopsticks and he was seething with so much anger and... Are my eyes lying? Is that jealousy!?.

" I ain't fucking hungry! " He yelled and stood up violently that the chair fell off.

He started stomping his way towards us. I was never afraid of Him.... Well not until Now atleast.

" Deku " He growled lowly and I could feel Izuku tremble.

Immediately, I got down from his back and when Katsuki was close enough I stepped infront of Izuku.

" Stay Back Bitch! " He hissed and I stood my ground.

" No you Stay back Asshole! What is your problem!? Why don't you mind your own fucking Business! " I snapped harshly poked his Chest with each word I uttered.

He glared at me tiny sparks popping on his palms.

What he said next was something I have never expected him to say.

" You are My goddamn Business You Little Shit! Hanging around with Deku the whole Night making me worry about your shitty ass! And now you're clinging onto him like a stupid fucking Koala! Can't you see how jealous I am!? Can't you drill it in your pretty little head that you're Fucking Mine! " His voice rang through every corner of the common room.

Everyone was silent for a few seconds. My eyes were wide and full of disbelief.

" Finally, Took Him a long time to actually confess... It was kinda getting painful to watch " Kaminari mumbled but it was loud enough for me to hear.

" Dude, it was so manly confessing to her infront of everyone. Bakugou is a true man " Came another comment from one of my classmates, Kirishima.

Katsuki was glaring at me his Chest rising and falling at a visible way clearly indicating how aggravated he was.

His crimson eyes held a lot of swirling emotions, Jealousy, Anger, Betrayal and Possessiveness.

" ..... Excuse you!? " I managed to voice out and he tried grabbing me but I was quick to evade his hand.

" No! And Just when I finally decided to give up on you. You decide to throw all this bullshit infront of me Bakugou Fucking Katsuki! No you listen here you Egotistical Haughty Son of a Bitch! I suffered through every shitty insult and pain you threw my way because I loved you and when I'm at my limit and ready to go you give me this!? all you gave me was pain and honestly I'm not a masochistic bitch to accept it with open arms how but my middle finger huh?!. Damn you and your very confusing and petty way of claiming me! That is not happening! You hear me!? So suck it up Bakuhoe and Go Fuck yourself " I actually felt proud of myself but that was the first time I actually raised my voice or even cursed infront of everyone in the first place so their dumbfounded expression didn't really surprised me.

" Wow.... Your girl's as good at Cursing as you are Bakugou " Sero was the first to comment and that pissed me off.

" I'm not his 'Girl' " I emphasized the girl part with a hint of mockery.

" Yet " Bakugou added making me glare at him.

" Fuck you " I grumbled turning around to walk away in victory thinking I had won the fight.

But before I could even take one step forward I was slung over Bakugou's Shoulder hanging upside down.

" Put me down you Fucking Asshole! " I yelled as he carried me away from the common room.

" Hey! " I grab hold of his blonde hair which was surprisingly soft and gave it a harsh tug which earned me a groan from him.

" Bitch! " He yelled slapping my butt making me gasp.

" I should get you mad more often, That was hot " He commented as if he hadn't just slapped my butt.

The nerve of this fucker.

" Put me down!" I growled as he proceeded to carry me upstairs.

" Now don't think I'm done with you just yet. I have to get my sweet revenge because you hung out with Fucking Deku and let him touch you! " He barked as I felt him tighten his hold on my fleshy thigh.

I tried everything I could, from squirming to kicking to punching his back but the guy is a Fucking wall and didn't even budge.

" Stop it Bitch! Save your energy for later. You're gonna need it " He muttered making me react violently. Until he had enough of it and slammed my back to the nearest wall with his strong muscular arms trapping me I'm between with his body a bit too close to mine.

His face was inches away and I visibly gulped turning my face to the side as his breathe fanned my cheek.

" Bakugou I'm warning you. I'm gonna do something YOU'RE gonna regret if you don't let me go " I had managed to say without stuttering and I mentally Pat myself on the back for my strong tone.

" Fuck it y/n. You really think I'd let you get away after Saying all that shit and defending Deku!? After you hopped onto his back like you're HIS!? Well you're Fucking Mine! You got that!? " He yelled making me groan. His voice was too loud and I think my ears are gonna bleed.

" You asked for it! " I yelled back as I prepared to kick him where the sun don't shine but I didn't even get to raise my leg halfway when he pulled me down by my leg and pressed his body against mine even more.

Right now I had no way of moving with my leg trapped against his thighs holding me in place.

" Oh? Was that your Great Fucking Move? Well it's pretty pathetic so kick and scream all you want. I'm claiming you right now " Using his hand he raked my locks down and gripped onto my hair roughly forcing me to face him and his lips had already connected with mine.

His kiss was rough, dominating with a tinge of passion and jealousy. Moving his lips at a better angle his other hand trailed down to squeeze my hips.

I ressisted. I really did but after awhile of him kissing me I melted. My hands wrapping themselves around his neck my chest squeezed with his toned chest. Both of his hands resting on my waist as I stood on my tippy toes kissing him back with the same intensity.

Opening my mouth to give him access he didn't waste a second to slip his tongue inside my claiming his new domain. His tongue wrestled with my own and soon gaining dominance as he continued the rough kiss.

It was a very angry kiss with lots of jealousy coming from him.

When we finally pulled away breathless and panting his intense crimson orbs pierced mine a smug smirk slowly rigging on the corners of his mouth.

" Still refusing me after that? After you willingly kissed me back? After clinging onto me for dear life? " He was either mocking me or teasing me but either way it pissed me off.

" Katsuki I'm gonna rip your throat off if you keep that up " I glared at him but I guess actions spoke louder than words because my neck was still wrapped around his neck and my body still pressed against his.

" Yeah right and a moment ago you called me Bakugou now look who's calling me Katsuki again " He sneered and I tried retreating my hand away from his neck to push him away but he beat me to it; grabbing my arms and using it as leverage to pull me closer towards him.

" I know I did some pretty fucked up shit. I'm not the best person at expressing these shitty feelings I have for you but I will make it up to you, I'm s-soow.... S-sooo.... Rrr... Eeyyyy " The way he forced out a ' I'm sorry ' got me laughing so hard .

He didn't appreciate that because his cheeks were tinted red form embarrassment and anger.

" You Fucking bitch! Don't laugh at me! I'm trying! " He yelled as I continued laughing.

Yeah, seeing him like that was new and hilarious.

My laughter was cut off when I felt his warm lips press a kiss on my cheek.

He looked to his side his eyes avoiding mine.

" Don't Fucking laugh cause I mean it though.... I'll make it up to you.... " He muttered the faint red color of his cheeks still present.

A smile formed on my lips as I stared at him fondly. A small pinkish tint coating my own cheeks but me being me I ruined the moment with a bitchy remark.

" Yeah why don't you practice saying Sorry first while not sounding like you were about to take the biggest shit of your life " I retorted and because of that I began laughing once again and he was raging. Screaming at me to stop laughing but I couldn't help it. He did deserve it after all.

I'm pretty sure I'll get more of my little revenge in the future....

________

Bonus :

" Deku.... I know you care about those two and You're a hardcore shipper but... What you did though... Was it on purpose? " Uraraka asked taking another bite of her pancakes as they listened to the two bicker.

" Who knows " Izuku answered with a contented smile on his face.

" Huh... You're a bit suicidal for doing that but I respect you man. Bakugou finally confessed it was getting pretty sad to watch him act all tough and pretending he doesn't like her " Sero chuckled.

" Hopefully those two will stay strong from now on... " Momo took a sip of her tea and everyone silently agreed with her.

" So.... Do you think they're Fucking? " Mineta suddenly brought up the topic which caused Tsu to slap him with her Tongue.

" Mineta-kun you're being a pervert again" Tsu muttered staring at the purple headed boy.

" Hahahahha! " Denki and Mina suddenly came down stairs holding a camera.

" You guys wanna see what they were doing upstairs? " Denki asked while laughing.

" Dude, invading other people's privacy is Not manly " Kirishima stated bit he couldn't help but be curious.

" .... What happened though? " Kirishima asked taking a peek at the camera.

" Oh you know, They kissed and Bakugou tried saying sorry but it was an epic fail! " Mina laughed and on cue Y/n came running down with an in raged Bakugou trailing hot on her tail.

" Come Back here! " Bakugou barked trying to grab hold of the girl.

" I was being honest when I said you need practice in saying sorry! You look like you're about to shit Bricks! " She yelled merely avoiding the hand of Bakugou that was centimeters away from holding her.

" Drama and Breakfast in the morning sure is pretty Good. But Drama, Breakfast and Comedy in the Morning is The best! " Denki chuckled watching the two interact.

" Oh boy... I have a feeling everything is going to be a lot more louder here than usual " Izuku sighed .

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 32

💖 first time reader click here 💖

Summary: Stephen Strange being a grown-up. Reader being a grown-up. Kind of. Revenge plot starts now - don't be like the mercenary, don't threaten reader's family. Avengers being good.. bros? Good found family idk. More smut + plot coming soon.

The silence hung awkwardly over us. Stephen wasn't the one to wax poetics, usually, and I wasn't in the mood to do anything but curl up somewhere warm, chug a bottle of liquor and fall asleep. Sleep is like death without the committment and after my little outburst, I inwardly prayed and begged for the ground to open up and swallow me whole. Instead, I was directed to sit and drink my tea by the sorcerer, who, by the way, was beginning to look like a kicked puppy.

It was starting to become unbearable. "I'm listening," I finally croaked out, shocked at how raspy my voice sounded. As if someone had forced me to choke on some nails - and I felt like it, too. My hands were shaking, all but spilling the hot tea onto them.

"Princess..." His mouth did the thing when he was worried, lips pursed, their corners upturned. "What we did was not... Right, you were drugged without your consent. I am sure Tony feels the same way."

My eyebrows rose, words bubbling up to the surface as I fought the urge to simply start calling Stephen some strong names. Had he been blind the whole time I flirted with him, had he not seen both me and Tony ogling him when we thought nobody could see? Every time I joked about the sexual tension between them - you know what they say, every joke has a little bit of truth in it.

Or maybe the sorcerer had used the incident as a convenient excuse for our little fuck-fest to be a one-time thing? I expected more, I won't lie, but I wouldn't put it above him. I knew all too well that some men tended to simply... Avoid.

I was angry, probably rightfully so, but it was not the time for me to comfort an adult man. My own life was going to shit, I had no mental energy to unburden his baseless guilt. It was selfish and it made me feel even more like shit, but it was as if someone had flipped a switch inside of me. I just didn't care about someone's heartbreak. I needed to solve another problem, a much bigger than a man that couldn't make up his mind.

I had to find that damn mercenary. It was the only real threat hanging over our heads; unlike any mission that I've seen the team go on before, they had thrown all the forces into catching the man that had gotten into their safe space, their home. That threatened to take what they thought as theirs. Long gone were the days of comfortable domesticity.

"Okay," I replied, nodding curtly. "I wanted it, if it helps any. I thought you were attractive the first day I saw you." I spoke bluntly, beginning to feel like myself more and more with each word that I spoke. "And again, no strings have to be attached. I'm sure Tony will understand it too, it's not his first rodeo."

Stephen's head shot up from where he was examining his clasped hands, to study me with furrowed brows. Cloaky moved where it was wrapped around me, attracting the sorcerer's attention - I, unfortunately, did not understand the Cloak's sign language and what it told Stephen remained a mystery to me. I was just delighted to be out of the cold and and wet clothes.

"I think you misunderstood me," Stephen eyed me with surprise. "I want more, but..." He trailed off, unsure. "I don't know. I'm surprised Banner hasn't gone green on me yet. I'm a doctor, I should have known..."

So, he was pulling a me and wallowing in pity. Is this really how pathetic I looked when I used to mope around the house earlier? No wonder my mother thinks I'm a baby. "Stephen, I'm really not in the mood to listen to bullshit. I wanted it, you wanted it, great, we can move on. Because with everything that has happened to me, I really have no energy to convince you I like you even while sober when you're sabotaging yourself." Sure, I might have ripped off the motivational speech from a self-help book my mother used to have laying around. My patience was wearing thinner with each second. "There, I said it. I like you, my boyfriends like you, you're welcome to the club if you decide to believe the fact that I am telling the truth." And if he wouldn't, well, I could get over it. I was planning to never act upon my feelings for both Tony and Bruce, it hadn't been as hard as I thought it would be. Especially with me being busy enough to just ignore the feelings.

At some point, I had grown attached to Stephen. Perhaps, if I and Tony hadn't decided to mess around with the sorcerer at the party, my feelings wouldn't have bloomed into anything more than physical attraction. Murphy's law had a particularly strong affinity on me, I noticed, because over and over I found myself falling head over heels for emotionally unavailable men. It worked out with Tony, which wasn't as surprising as one might expect, considering we're two halves of a whole idiot, but then Bruce also decided to pucker up - Stephen was bound to be the rock that I trip on.

Or not? Soft lips pressed against my forehead, beard hair softly tickling the tip of my nose. I was pressed against a solid chest, surrounded by warmth and comfort. "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot," Steph whispered, voice quivering.

"Well, it's not like this... Relationship... I've got going on is something commonplace," My arms wrapped around him, a deep sigh relaxing my body into his. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. It wasn't right."

Stephen chuckled, all but pulling me bodily into his lap. "Don't worry, Princess. I deserved it." As he spoke, the Cloak carefully unwrapped itself from me, drifting away with a parting pat on my back. "Now what happened with your parents?" Large palms pushed the hair out of my face, stormy blue eyes looking at me with worry.

"I should probably assemble all my significant others for this conversation," There was little enthusiasm in discussing the incident. I was an adult and had enough money to get by for a few months, at least until I could patent one of my inventions. I had plenty of knick-knacks that should be able to interest buyers, that much I knew, and while the legal side of the process was a blank slate to me, I knew I could be charismatic enough to have someone work it out for me.

"I don't think I'll be able to take Steve seriously when he says 'assemble', now," My third boyfriend chuckled, which - wow, I didn't have boyfriends and now I had three? Should I be considering opening a factory or something? Stephen adjusted his hold on me. "Let's go, I'll portal us in."

"My car's out there with all my stuff. I'll have to drive," I protested but made no move to get out of his lap.

"Tony is a billionaire, he can pay someone to retrieve it," Shrugging carelessly, he produced a golden circle of magic, the common room couch in plain sight at the other side of it. I heard voices and then Clint's head peaked through, a curiously tilted eyebrow morphing into full fledged face of confusion upon seeing the two of us.

Yikes. I had forgotten about the state of my dress and the bruise on my cheek. "Hey, bird. I need a drink," I said the first thing that popped into my mind, causing both Clint and Steph to laugh as the sorcerer carried me into the tower through the portal.

"I'm starting to think you go out there and look for trouble on purpose," The archer sighed, pulling out his phone and texting rapidly. Mine vibrated, too, once he was done, which meant he'd called for a family meeting. Blergh.

In no time, Tony appeared, dark circles under his eyes and yesterday's shirt on, towing a worried Bruce behind him. One after the other, the Avengers tickled in, looking restless and exhausted. Loki's frown was well on its way to becoming a full sneer.

"Talk, please," He requested, eyeing me with concern.

"Good news is I got our rogue wizard back," I poked Stephen in the chest. He was blushing. "Bad news is my mother threw me out and my father didn't pick up the phone, so technically I'm homeless and parent-less," I decided that spitting out straight facts was the easiest way to go about it. I mean, there was no good way to tell what I just told them.

The storm that I anticipated didn't appear. Just a lot of disappointed sighs all around, especially from Tony, who looked twenty years older after I'd confessed to the current state of my affairs. "You're not homeless, you live here," He pointed out, rubbing his face and muttering some very strong words under his nose. Particularly, the expressions involved my mother and various methods of fornication.

"We got your back, doll," Bucky nodded, coming over to wrap me in a gentle hug. He was like a brother from another mother to me at this point, kind and goofy and sensible. "I would propose to teaching that harpy a lesson but I think she's beyond it."

"Perhaps it's for the best," Loki mused suddenly. "If I recall correctly, your mother was against your career of choice, which is idiotic. Science is a noble and prospective path." The Asgardian, too, gave me a hug.

I wasn't crying! There were ninjas, in the vents, cutting onions! "Stop it guys, I'm gonna cry. I already look like shit!" The protest was silenced by Bruce's lips on mine, his tiny smile briefly covering my mouth with tenderness. After that, everybody somehow decided it was their job to try and make me cry; like a bad bitch, I resisted, but eventually broke and started sniffling when Tony began rambling about building me my own lab and Wanda offered to help me decorate my new apartment.

No matter how much my mind screamed at me to refuse, I forced that noise down. Fighting against myself, accepting help despite feeling unworthy of it - it was probably the hardest thing I've done in my whole life.

Bruce volunteered to carry my prone body to Tony's bedroom which was quickly becoming the master bedroom for the three of us - ever since the incident, both of my scientists stuck close to me whenever possible, aggressively cuddling me whenever they decided it was time to get some sleep. Which wasn't much these days, if I was being honest. Persuading Bruce to stay with me was a novelty - usually he didn't resist, but that time, I had to repeat myself multiple times that the team could handle business even without him being present.

I had my ulterior motives, of course. Tony and Stephen needed to talk. I only hoped their egos wouldn't clash without me to mediate - having two boyfriends start a fight wasn't something I wanted to experience. I had zero experience in those matters and had no idea how to manage all that. Are there handbooks for polyamorous relationships? I stuck a mental post-it note inside my brain to check it out.

I fell asleep with Bruce wrapped around me and woke up in the same position, having been too exhausted to move even in my sleep. Voices, rough and quiet, were the first thing I heard upon syncing my brain into a resemblance of a working order, instantly recognizing Stephen's deep baritone and Tony's teasing drawl.

"Expect either Reindeer Games or Kim Possible to come and terrify you," My engineer didn't sound particularly ecstatic. His voice came from somewhere around my feet; the hand wrapped around my ankle, thumb gently stroking the skin, must've been his.

"Duly noted," Stephen's reply was equally sarcastic, sounding a little closer. The warmth coming from my side was him. I could smell the faint spices that surrounded him, smell that I'd come to associate with the Sanctum.

Bruce snored away, not a care in the world.

My body, on the other hand, felt rested for what felt the first time in years. A pleasant ache in my muscles had me begrudgingly squirm out of Banner'd grasp, shamelessly pushing up into Stephen as I stretched with a juicy yawn. "What's poppin'?" I rubbed my eyes, finding the men awake looking at me with fond amusement.

"Just watching," Tony smiled, causing me to giggle at his accidental meme-ing. Was it even accidental? I refused to believe that a man well versed in IT was oblivious to meme culture.

Stephen, on the other hand... "We've discussed some things, wanted to talk to you too." His hand stroked my hair, face expression soft unlike anything I'd ever seen him have. "But you were sleeping. So cute."

Me, cute? There was a puddle of drool the size of a dollar bill on my pillow, I was pretty sure some of it had even gotten in Bruce's hair. Banner's sleep was quiet except for every five minutes when he'd let out a snore with a force somewhere between a Mack truck and a whale in mating season.

Cute, sure.

Bruce groaned, a tell-tale sign of him waking up. I met his eyes, brown, shiny, a narrow edge of green around his irises. Huh. Do I have three boyfriends or four?

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​@sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias

[oksana-moods]

Ghost of you - Part 9

Summary: Ghost realizes that, no matter how hard she tries, she can't run away from her past. When Carol's presence do more harm than good, the only way to come clean is to take a dive. A/N: Thank you again for all the support, and to let you know that we reached the point where things start to change. Starting for the song theme. Now we’ll go with ‘Writings on the wall’ from Sam Smith. We’re halfway through, lovelies. Trigger Warnings: Violence, language (a bit too much, I believe), mentions of death… if you find others, let me know. Oh, sort of WandaVision spoiler. Angst. “I've spent a lifetime running, and I always get away”

With my hands involuntarily clutching the tag, I’m sitting at the roof watching the sun slowly but inexorably going down in the horizon. Once, I heard that this is what life feels like. We born just like the sun raises, we reach our greatest point then we start to set till night embraces us. Death, just like the sunset, is inevitable. I find myself agreeing with this metaphor.

It’s been a few months since our futile attempt to overturn Thanos’s snap. And now, each one of us went different ways to try to cope with this catastrophe.

Steve, Natasha and I were still living at the compound we had nowhere else to go so we’re pretending that we were taking care of things, that we’re moving on.

Tony and Pepper are about to get married and, honestly, I hope they find happiness. While Bruce went missing again, Thor went to New Asgard, he lost everything but still had a Realm to rule; Rhodey was working for the Government in a high position, or so I heard. Wakanda lost all the royal family but Okoye was holding on, as best as she could. Rocket and Nebula stayed a bit but returned to space with promises of visiting whenever they could.

Oddly, the logo ‘Avengers’ was scattered all over the universe. We were broken, but we would still protect whom needed protection.

And there is The Avenger, the original one. Carol barely touched the ground coming back from Garden and took-off claiming she needed to check on Skrulls. Not even three weeks later she was back, and that caught me off guard. I’ve never expected for her to return, not that quickly, at least.

She’s been trying to talk to me, but I dodged all of her attempts.

Until now.

 “Hey, Mav.” I close my eyes when her voice reaches my ears. “The view from here is amazing.”

I was sitting at the edge of the roof and Carol was leaning with her elbows at the rampart.

“Yes. It is.” I answer. “What do you want, Carol?” We both know she’s not here for the view.

“To talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I got up from my seat, I’m standing in the roof starting to make my way to the door. I flinch away when her hand touches my metal arm. I shoot an outrageous look at her.

“Please.” Her eyes are so soft against my gaze that something inside me stirs. “You’ve been avoiding me. Natasha told me that you lost most part of your memories.” Her brows are so furrowed that is clear she’s upset. Why is she? I turn away from her, I’m looking at the horizon once more. Her gaze was too overwhelming, right now.

“What do you want to know?” I shove my hands inside my pockets. Damn, why am I so nervous? “Most of my memories are gone. The last four years is all I have without gaps. Wanda…” I close my eyes, still hurts to think about her. I think it always will. “She helped me to unbury whatever she could.” I saw Carol leaning at the rampart. She was trying to get closer, but I needed distance.

“I crashed after your crash.” She nodded, of course she knew this. “Whatever happened to you with the tesseract, spattered in me too. That’s why I haven’t changed, just like you.” I could feel my hands shaking inside my pockets, I was uneasy. Something about her was pulling me to the edge.

“But, what about…” She hesitated “What about your arm?”  Why is she pretending to be concerned? She’s getting under my skin and I’m feeling cornered. So, I do what every cornered animal do. They attack.

“Will you fucking stop beating the bush? Ask me what you fucking want to ask.” Oh and so she did, she was exasperated with me acting like an idiot. What was she expecting?

“I came to earth around 2007. I went to Maria’s and she told me you were at war but never make it back. I… I saw your stone. I… I…” She ran a hand through her hair. “I thought you were dead.” Her voice was a whisper but that made something burst inside me. I grieved her, even when I knew she was alive. She chose to go away and wanna play the broken-hearted role?

“You and me both!” My voice was harsh and loud, but I wasn’t yelling yet. Yet. “What do you expect me to say, huh? That I am sorry someone lied to you? That I am sorry you were sad?” The setting sun illuminating her face, making her look gorgeous than ever, made me hate her even more. “Well, news flash for you, hon. YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE! I still see you die every time I fucking close my eyes.” I yelled. I couldn’t take this anymore. “I SAW YOU DIE OVER AND OVER AND OVER.” Her eyes were glossy, there was something shining inside them that I couldn’t decipher. And, Fuck. It hurt so bad. They hurt me so bad. She hurt me.

“I… Lara, I am so, so sorry they did this to you” She whispered again. She didn’t want to fight, but all I know is fight. And I only stop when I see blood.

“When I was taken by Hydra, they made me watch you die, they made me watch you leaving." My voice was low and hard, this time. "So no, I can’t stand this. Hydra took everything from me. They beat me and oh, they hit me hard. They cut off every single piece of me, and they put me through hell. But you Carol, you broke me first.”

I turned in my heels and left the roof. Each step my feet tried to betray me, make me to look back, but I kept going til reach the door. I knew I was far too harsh, my words probably cut her, but if she was bleeding so was I.

 -----------------

 Days went by and I didn’t see Carol since that day in the roof. Steve told me she took a room for her at the compound, she’d be staying a bit longer. Of course she is. Like I didn’t have a lot to deal with already. Since there weren’t any assignments going on, all the workout in the world couldn’t help to ease my mind. Or heart.

  I park my motorcycle at the parking lot and pick up the flowers from inside my jacket. I check it to see if they still look good. I shrug, they’re good enough.

I walked inside the Hospital and expertly made my way to my friend’s room. It pained me to know she was sick, but she was too strong to give in that easy to cancer. She was a fighter. She inspired me. If she could go on even with her decease and losing her child, so could I.

“Buying flowers became a struggle nowadays.” I said with a smile.

Her smile lit up the whole room. “Good thing you’re not going out on dates, then.” My laugh filed the room.

“Please Maria, you’re too old to be that sassy.”

“You’re just as old as I am. The difference is just that you still look good.”

“You still look good, Ma. I’d take you out on a date.” And it was true, she was around her sixties but still look beautiful. Few lines near the eyes, but only complimented her.

“Awn, you flatter me” She put a hand on her chest, faking innocence. “I don’t go out with women, hon. But I’d definitely accept the invitation, I’m craving real food, not whatever this hospital calls food.” Instantly, this blows the air out of my lungs and I’m forced to face reality. My friends are gone and soon, Maria will be gone too. Carol told me once that her biggest fear was to bury all her friends. Fuck. I understand what she meant now.

“Geez, Mav. It was only a joke. Next time, don’t bring me flowers unless you’re bringing fries too.”

I forced a smile at her.

After the whole ordeal with the ‘Accords’ I was arrested alongside Clint, Scott and Sam. Cap came and rescued us, but I went on the road since I was an outlaw too, so my visits to Maria and Monica stopped despite keeping in touch. I wouldn’t forgive myself for the time I lost.

“Carol came to visit me yesterday.” That’s the Maria I came to know, never holding back her words. “Apparently, you’ve been giving her a hard time.”

“Oh. Did she come to cry on your shoulder?” Every time Carol’s name was brought up, I felt my brain short-circuiting. I don’t know why, but I hated it.

“Naa. I was just gossiping around, I’m an old lady, after all.” She laughed lighting up the mood. “Does it feel better to yell, to be a bitch with her?”

“What?”

“C’mon, Mav. You changed a lot, but I can still see through you. You need to vent whatever is stuck in your chest; you need to put it out.” I was frowning at the floor. “That’s the only way both of you will move on.”

“I hate her, Maria. Seeing her makes me feel like my wounds are cutting open once again. I don’t see how we can move past this, how I can forgive her.”

“If that’s true,” She pointed at my chest, and I knew what she was going to say. “Why do you still wear her tag and yours together?” All of a sudden, the Tag was heavy in my chest. Tons and tons of unspoken words, feelings, and pain weighting too much.

“I… I don’t know. It kinda feels right.” God, I’m so confused. Is it possible to be friends with Carol Danvers again? Will I, one day, forget everything Hydra made me feel with those memories? I wonder if that hopeless feeling will ever go away. Because right now, all I can think of is that, at any moment, she’ll turn her back on me or she’ll die. It’s hard to look at someone expecting, waiting for the pain that usually comes with their face.

“I know it does.” And she changed her tone to her bossy one. “So, stop acting like you have a stick shoved inside your ass and talk to her. Promise me you will.”

“All right. I promise.” I answered, it was no use try to avoid this. Maria wouldn’t drop this.

“That’s better.” She had that look like she knew that I’d comply with her request.

“Doesn’t upset you? That she left and forgot about us?” I was looking out of the window, looking at the cars outside, people were, slowly, trying to find their bearings. Trying to figure out what should be normal now. They were trying. Should I try, too?

Maria’s voice made me look at her when she replied. “It used to hurt, yes. But I’m dying, Mav, I don’t have time or patience to fight anymore.”

 After Maria scolded me enough for not talking to Carol, our conversation was lighter. She complained about the overprotective nurse, she complained that tv never had good things to watch, gossiped about other patients, and when I said my goodbyes, she made me promise to sneak some food for my next visit.

However, all the way home I kept overthinking these things I’ve been building up inside me. Something about Carol made me uneasy, like I’m exposed in a field filled with enemies, with nowhere to hide. And I don’t like it on bit. There’s something about her eyes, and I hate the intensity in them when she looks at me, it’s like they can pierce your soul, see what’s underneath… And I’m way too afraid of all the terrors that she might discover. I’m not Lara anymore, I’m not who she thinks I am, no. I’m someone else.

 -----------

 “You stole my spot.” I said as I reached the roof. The woman who I was addressing to, turned her head to look at me.

She was wearing a simple jeans with a blue t-shirt and her hair was framing her flawless face, how this woman could be so beautiful even with so common clothes was beyond me.

She gave me a tide smile that never reached her eyes, they were somewhat tired.

“Oh. It wasn’t my intention; I’ll leave you to be.”  Yes please, leave me alone. I thought to me myself, but then my conversation with Maria from last week came to my mind. Fuck. I hate making promises. She was preparing to leave when I spoke.

“There’s room enough for both of us, though.” I said with a shrug, pretending that I was okay with her company, pretending that I wasn’t uncomfortable with this proximity. Her head snapped at me, she looked at me like I had grown two heads.

“Okay.” Her voice was so soft that immediately put me on edge. I felt exposed again. What was happening with me?

 We stayed there for a while with a heavy silence between us. The tension was so thick that I’m sure we couldn’t move, that’s probably why none of us left the roof yet. There was a sea of unspoken words and as much as I hated it, we couldn’t ignore this anymore. If she’s going to stay, we’ll have to dive into this. We’ll have to work together at some point, this wouldn’t be healthy during even the simplest mission.

“You know, I’ve been in a lot of places, but none of them had such a beautiful sunset.” Her voice startled me; I wasn’t expecting at all.

“Well, it does have something peaceful, doesn’t it?” She seemed to ponder what I just said.

“One may say that this might be a spell. That there are a lot of beautiful places out there, but nothing compares to home.”

“Is it?”

“What?” She looked at me, confusion written all over her face.

“Is Earth you home?” At this, she frowned.

“Look, I know what you’re implying. I… I don’t know how much you remember from… before.” She seemed nervous. “What do you recall?”

And that’s it. There’s no turning back now, I needed to dive into this sea and hopefully I’ll reach the other side alive.

I looked forward; eyes set at the setting sun. I couldn’t deal with this and look at her at the same time. My hands started to shake so I wriggle them together to stop them, somehow.

“I remember us.” I felt a pang in my chest. Shit. What is this? “I remember you were always going back and forth to Earth. I remember when you went for good, ‘we’re too good at goodbyes’, yeah?!”

She signed heavily. “While helping Talos, I realized that a lot of people needed help. I wanted to stay, but I just couldn’t ignore innocent people dying.”

“People were dying here too.” She was frustrated, she threw her arms around impatient, but I continued before she could speak. “I know, I know you wanted to bring peace to whoever you could. And Earth already had its saviors.”  

“It’s not just like that, I…” She turned to fully look at me. “After I found out about your… death,” She struggled with the word, it fell heavily from her tongue. “I felt so helpless, so stupid for wasting away the time I could’ve had with you, I…” She was staring at me, eyes locked, and I felt myself being dragged inside. “I couldn’t forgive myself for loosing you for good.” She half whispered as if afraid of this becoming true. Like I could turn into a mirage, out of blue.

She was diving in the sea of what was left unsaid too, there’s no going back. “And when you died, part of me died too. Then Earth wasn’t home without you on it anymore, that’s why I never came back after. But then I received Fury’s emergency call, only to learn about Thanos… only to find out that you were alive this whole time.” Her eyes were glowing with such intensity, that my feet were glued to the ground. I felt a hand wrapping around mine. “I wanted to come back, back then. After I went through your door, I regretted at the very same instant, Lara.” Her voice was so soft when she spoke my name, it was like her tongue was made of velvet and it took the air out of my lungs. “After all, I wanted… I wanted so damn hard to be happy… with you. But I couldn’t find my way back, it didn’t seem right. I didn’t want to hurt you. I’d only do more damage than I already had. And I’m so, so sorry for hurting you.”

I was so entranced in her eyes while she was speaking that up until now, I hadn’t realized how close she was, or even that her hand was gripping my flesh hand. She’s so close that I could see the fading sunlight brightening her freckles. She was so, so close that my brain was at loss.

I didn’t know if the sun was illuminating her face or if it was the other way around, but such perfection made something inside me stir, I felt strange. I felt an urge to reached out and touch her face, like I needed to feel her skin under my touch just as much as I needed oxygen.   “Why are you here now, Carol?” My voice was so soft that felt foreign, almost like a whisper. “My heart is at Earth.” She whispered back, like she was afraid of breaking this spell, this trance that was keeping both of us from moving away.

[brideofcthulhu10]

Hi! Uh so Billy aka Dwayne and I have the same birthday (June 23). I don't really like my birthday because I've never gotten to celebrate. I haven't had a party since I was a kid and now I just always spend the day sad and with no friends. If you wanna write something with the lost boys celebrating Dwayne and reader's birthday together, I'd really love it. (No pressure tho. I really love your blog and hope you'll have a great day ✨)

Aw, I’m sorry to hear you’ve not been able to celebrate your birthday for such a long time. Hopefully I can give you a little taste of a great birthday with the boys, and a very special (belated) birthday to you from myself and all of my readers, you are an honorary Fang Babe which makes you a part of a community that’s there for each other! If you ever feel sad, I got my DMs open 24/7 if you ever need to just vent up a storm! All are welcome. 

Happy Birthday to You Both

Dwayne x Fem!S/O

Today was supposed to be special, yet the entire day everyone was so preoccupied with their own little lives that no one had even bothered to remember it was your birthday today. It was absolutely miserable. All the while your boyfriend Dwayne was currently tucked away at the abandoned hotel hiding away from the sunlight. Bursting into flames was certainly an occupational hazard. By this point the whole vampirism thing had come and gone, and while it did frighten you, nothing was more frightening than being without your dark crow.   

Rather than stay at home to be ignored you opted to go out for the afternoon, browsing shops for a special occasion. No, not yourself. See, as luck would have it, June 23rd also held significance to Dwayne. Marko, one of the younger members of the coven, had told you two weeks prior it would be Dwayne’s birthday as well. You had to keep your own secret. Not at their request, but your own. Overshadowing his birthday would be dreadful, you hated the idea of taking it from him. Besides, no one remembered anyways. 

Weaving through brightly lit shops, you pondered each piece wondering what would suit him best. Clothes were out, maybe a new skateboard? Just looking at the little white tags stuck to the back of them made you cringe. Okay, so that was out. You weren’t made of money. 

There was an old mystic shop selling a handful of oddities, somewhere called Madame Medusa’s Mystical Boutique. A few interesting necklaces caught your eye, but one seemed to be directly calling you. It was a crow skull attached to a leather cord, bordered by two carved red beads on either side. Two thick black feathers were wedged between the beads. Gently you slipped it off the hook, running your thumb over the chilled, smooth surface. 

“It’s a lovely item, isn’t it,” an elderly woman asked. Truthfully she startled you from behind the counter, almost making you jump a few good inches. 

“O-Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see-”

“Don’t worry dear, hardly anyone does,” she chuckled, tenderly plucking the skull from your hand. “Shall I wrap this up for you?”

“Oh- Well I wasn’t, I mean it’s nice but-,” you stuttered, but already she was shuffling towards the counter again. Boy pushy woman. You didn’t even know how much it cost, you weren’t exactly on a budget but you couldn’t be going on any big spending sprees.

“Hush now. He’s going to be waiting for you, somewhere nearby. I can guarantee that this is the one you’re meant to give him,” she insisted, wrapping the necklace under aged brown paper. 

“Yeah, I’m sure he’d like it but-,” you couldn’t help but trail off. How- How did she know?

The woman pushed the little baggie your way, giving a tender smile before she began to hobble towards a curtained room behind the counter.

“W-Wait, I didn’t even pay for it!”

She waved off your concern, looking behind her shoulder while she parted the curtains in her path. 

“Consider it a present from those who neglected you. Take it to him, you’ll see..” And with that she vanished behind them, leaving you stunned where you stood. Silently you glanced down at the small plastic bag, almost jumping in place when a dusty old grandfather clock began to ring through the store. One, two, three, four, five, six. Oh! It was already six o’clock. Crap the boys would be up any minute!

It didn’t take too long to spot the gang of vampires sitting on the worn, wooden banisters talking amongst themselves. Dwayne was just as eager to spot you, sweeping between the boys and lifting you up in his arms. “Happy birthday, princess,” He gushed, planting tender kisses all over your cheeks.

“How did you know? I didn’t-”

“My bad,” Marko spoke up. He leaned back from behind Paul to wave your way, as if he were waving a flag of defeat. Damn. You weren’t even sure how Marko figured out your birthday in the first place, there was just no keeping secrets from that guy! 

Dwayne set you down, although he carried a much more concerned expression this time. “Why keep it a secret in the first place, Y/N?”

You fiddled with the bag still clutched in your hand with eyes cast downward towards your feet hoping a good excuse could get you out of just admitting you’d rather play backseat. But, you didn’t. Not that you couldn’t come up with any excuses. Rather, you didn’t want to be sidelined even for your boyfriend’s birthday. It was yours too, and for the past several years it seemed like you were constantly being set aside so that other things could happen. Your sister’s wedding, that trip to Colorado your parents took, grandma and grandpa visiting, your brother’s soccer games- everything seemed to take precedence over the celebration of the day you were born. And worst of all is you never got your Sixteen Candles happy ending. No one would really recognize they screwed up. You wouldn’t be apologized to with tearful shock when your parents realized they forgot your birthday, your friends- if you could even call them that at this point- wouldn’t try to cheer you up, and there was no handsome crush ready with a birthday cake to make it all go away. It’s like Dwayne already knew your feelings because before you could get a word in he pulled you into a crushing hug. Your head pressed against his chest. Sometimes you forgot he had no heartbeat and instead only listened to him rumble when he spoke to you.

“Just because today is for me, doesn’t mean it isn’t for you too, princess.” 

Those words hit you harder than you anticipated. Your throat felt as if it were swelling, dry with each labored swallow, and a tight pressure squeezed the bridge of your nose. Inevitable tears eagerly rushed down your while burnt cheeks. 

Dwayne only held you in place. He never let go until you were the one ready to release him, wiping away those pesky droplets of emotion staining you. “Now, I was saving this for when we took you to the hotel…,” he began with his hand jammed into his jacket pocket, rustling around for whatever it was he needed. “But, I figure maybe you need it now.”

A thick banded ring of aged silver sat in his calloused palm, an oval cut of turquoise clasped in place by a weaving border. Veins of black and copper split through chunks of blue-green paths. Rather hold it out to you, Dwayne tenderly took your hand into his own to slip the hefty piece over your ring finger. It nestled perfectly in place and you couldn’t help but let out a breathless laugh, slinging your arms over his neck. He already knew what to expect. Iron arms engulfed your waist and lifted you up. His stubble scratched the edges of your mouth when you crashed your lips into his. The sensation was overwhelming. It wasn’t just that he got you this, it was what he had gotten you. 

Dwayne had often told you myths and lore on lazy nights when the hunting grew slow and the hours were long. Once you found yourself admiring a very similar cut of jewelry decadently adorned with many fine cuts of turquoise, finding your curiosity piqued when asking him what the significance was to all these pieces. Why was it such a commonly used stone in so much jewelry, especially with Native American tribes.

“From what I can remember,” Dwayne thought back at the time, leaning over you to admire the pricey baubles kept protected under a thick sheet of glass “, my grandmother told me that every tribe has always valued it. I mean, they all have their reasons. It’s a powerful gem that carries protection, life and strength. I’ve even seen it change colors depending on where you find it. I hardly ever saw it though when I was alive, even back then it cost a fortune.”

But now, through one way or another he’d remembered how you admired them from afar, yearning to have a ring like that of your very own. The one to five hundred dollar price tags always scared you off whenever you’d come to find them in stores- at least, the real ones. For once you didn’t care how Dwayne had acquired your gift. Gift! Oh!

“Oh, hold on,” You interjected between kisses with the little bag presented before him. “I um, got you something too. From that crazy lady in the mystic items shop!”

A warmth spread through your chest watching him lay the necklace over, the skull placing perfectly atop his many others. It suited him perfectly. 

The whole night was just perfect. You spent the entire time going on rides with the boys after they spoiled you for dinner, later dragging you to the hotel where you realized what Dwayne meant earlier. There were streams of colored paper hanging off the rafters and old piping, red balloons tied to the furniture, and a banner of paper reading out “Happy Birthday Dwayne and Y/N” written in big, red marker letters. You couldn’t even make a wish when they brought out a cake for the both of you. After all, what more could be asked? They had already given you the most perfect birthday you could have ever hoped for.