#Sorry needed to vent I've been stuck on this the whole day

[kyouka-supremacy]

Tries to buy something from Ama/zon (tears hair) (vomits blood) (breaks all their bones) (faints to the ground) (starts convulsing) (drops dead)

[its-vannah]

Surprise | Eddie Roundtree x Reader

A/N: This easily became one of my favorites I've ever written. Hope you all enjoy it 💕

Warnings: Please scroll down to the bottom of the fic as it contains heavy spoilers

Daisy Jones and The Six Masterlist

Eddie paced around your apartment, waving his hands in the air while he rattled on about Billy's treatment of him during one of their latest concerts.

The two of them weren't exactly cordial to each other, with one usually down the others throat, but you understood how Eddie felt. He had finally gotten the chance to have a minute in the spotlight while Daisy sang—and Billy ripped the opportunity out of his hands.

As soon as he got back from the tour, he went straight home to vent to you about it.

"I mean, who the fuck does he think he is?" Eddie exclaimed, his slapping his sides, "If he's not the center of attention, then he's not happy!"

He rambled on, "And his whole obsession with Daisy? Don't get me started. They don't even let us write for the albums—at all. You know, Graham wrote a song. A fucking great song. And you know what Billy said?"

"What did he say?" You hummed.

"He said no, we don't want your damn song on the album because it's not your job to write the songs."

You tilted your head to the side, "Verbatim?"

"Well, no, but that's what he meant," Eddie groaned, bracing himself against one of the barstools in the kitchen, "He's got a stick permanently shoved up his ass."

You got up from your spot on the couch and walked to stand behind him. Once your fingers found his shoulders, you began moving them in circles to loosen up the tension in his upper body.

He relaxed a bit, leaning into your touch.

"Eddie, I'm sorry that happened at the concert," You said, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade, "Next time, stand your ground. Tell him if it's been decided you'll go out there, then you're going to go. To hell with what he thinks. It's not just his band, it's all of yours."

A sigh escaped his lips as he nodded, "It feels like shit being on his bad side. He always wants to be in control."

"Then let him," You said as he turned to face you, "It'll catch up with him eventually."

Eddie pressed his lips to your temple, wrapping his arms around you, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I was a dick when I got home," He explained, "Didn't even ask how my girl's day was."

Your hand moved to cup his cheek, rubbing his cheekbone with your thumb, "It's okay, Ed, you had a shitty day with Billy. You know I'm here if you need someone to talk to. You should, anyway, I'm your wife."

Your teasing tone caused a slight smile to appear on his face as he leaned in to kiss you—properly, as he said, this time.

He pulled away not long after, "So, how were you while I was gone?"

"About that," You said, taking a step back towards the living room to grab something from beneath the side table, "I have a surprise for you."

"For me?" He questioned, confusion washing over his face before he raised his eyebrows, "I mean, if you're in the mood, I am. How long has it been? Since the day before the tour?"

Playfully glaring back at Eddie, you picked the small box up and carried it over to him, "Put your hands out

"I feel like a kid all over again," He admitted as he stuck his hands out, "Don't tell me I have to close my eyes."

"You don't."

"Is it a pony?" He teased, causing you to laugh in response.

You shrugged, "Let's just hope I got the right kind."

He held the box in his hands, confused as to what it could be.

"Open it."

He undid the ribbon, sliding it off the box before lifting the lid. The bassist was left with more tissue paper, something he was never fond of.

Once he lifted back the layers and saw the contents, his eyes widened.

Inside was a pair of little baby boots and a small guitar pick. Unlike some of his bandmates who would've stared at it wondering what it meant until they had to be told, it clicked in his head right away.

In a small, soft voice, his eyes met yours, "You're pregnant?"

You nodded as he set the box down on the coffee table, gently taking you in his arms and weaving his hands through your hair, pressing your head to his chest.

"God, I'm gonna be a dad."

Smiling into his chest, you inhaled the lingerinf scent of his cologne, "The best."

The two of you stood there for a while, living in the world you had created on your own. In that moment, there was no Billy, no band, and no way in hell anything could ever tear you away from eachother.

------------------------------------------------------------

Warnings: Pregnancy, marriage, Billy Dunne SLANDER

[mariacrow]

Hi! Can I request bayverse bumblebee celebrating reader's birthday? Just really fluffy unlimited attention that they haven't gotten from anyone else in years 🙏 I ask cuz it was my birthday recently and I've been feeling pretty down about everything 😔 Thanks! ❤️

Sweetheart, I know exactly how you feel. I am so sorry to hear this… I know I made a schedule for the requests but I need to write this first! 💛

I hope you enjoy honey and happy birthday! 🥳🐝

❁ Bumblebee x reader ❁

2nd person

angst and fluff

female reader

takes place after Transformers: The Last Knight

takes place in the reader’s backyard and garage

bad mood on your birthday, comfort, gifts

Bumblebee was so excited for your birthday. He could barely go into stasis the previous night. He spent the whole night in the garage, making you a gift. Being the clumsy bot he is, he was making a lot of noise and a lot of mess despite being as careful as possible. He was trying his best not to wake you up because then you’d come to check on him and the surprise would be ruined.

Unfortunately, around 3am, he knocked down A WHOLE ASS SHELF in your garage. The tall metal structure banged on the floor and made the whole house shake. As he started panicking, he was turning around and knocking down more stuff, trying to pick it up along with everything that fell off of it.

Soon he could hear your footsteps approaching. With no room to transform into a car due to all the mess, he was stuck. You opened the garage door and to his surprise, in your sleepy state, you couldn’t see properly due to your blurry sight.

“Bee…? You okay in there…?” you asked while rubbing your eye and yawning. You were so cute with your messy hair and twisted pajamas.

“Mhm mhm!” he buzzed while trying to hide the unfinished gift behind his back along with all the mess.

“Why aren’t you in stasis…?” you were almost sleep walking, you probably won’t remember half of this in the morning.

He looked around in panic and awkwardly shrugged, mimicking what would sound like “I don’t know”

“Mmmrr okay… See you in the morning then, goodnight…” as you went back to bed.

He ex vented in relief as he, now calmly, started putting everything where it belongs.

He only got a couple of hours of stasis when he finished with your birthday present. But it was just enough for him. He woke up happier than ever! He was impatiently walking around your backyard waiting for you to wake up while holding your birthday gift behind his back.

But you were nowhere to be found… You didn’t spread your curtains and happily say good morning like you always do… You didn’t play loud music while doing your morning routine…

He was getting worried. Then he saw you in the kitchen, eating your breakfast as if someone is holding a gun to your head. He bowed and tapped on your backyard door.

You smiled a little and waved at him. He waved back and gestured you should come out. And you did. Dragging your feet and lazily opening the backyard door.

He immediately grabbed you and started spinning you around in his safe grasp while mimicking the tune of the birthday song.

“Bee! Wait- ahh! Hahaha!” you couldn’t help but laugh. He was so joyful.

He brought you closer to his face plate and nuzzled his muzzle against your cheek, as if he was kissing you. You gave him a hug, “Ahh! That tickles!” you giggled.

He then looked at you with wide sparkling optics. But then his expression softened as he noticed you aren’t as excited as you’re supposed to.

“What’s the matter…?” he asked over the radio.

“Nothing, just.. I don’t know. I’m not used to all this… My mood always hits rock bottom when my birthday comes…”

He let out a low, sad buzz as he gently rubbed your back with his digit.

“But— it’s your— special day!”

“I know, Bee… I’m trying to think that way too…”

“Please… Don’t be— sad…”

He made you smile. Your puppy eyes made him melt. Another low buzz rumbled in his chassis as he brought you closer to his face plate again, closing his optics as he snuggled.

“You’re right…” you cupped his precious face, “I should enjoy this day. With you…”

He nodded like a little kid as his optics filled with excitement.

“I made— something— for you.” he said as he finally showed you what he was holding behind his back all along.

It was a bouquet of 5 flowers made out of wires poked in a metal plate and tied from underneath along with a butterfly and a bumblebee. It wasn’t perfect but you could definitely figure what it was.

You gasped and covered your mouth. You were speechless, taking it and carefully holding it.

“Bee… You made this…?” tears almost filled your eyes.

He nodded. He pointed at the butterfly and then at you. He then pointed at the bumblebee and then at himself.

“Oh! I get it! The butterfly is me and the bumblebee is you!” you said happily.

He rapidly nodded again, it seemed as if he was smiling.

“I… I’m speechless! This is the best birthday present I’ve ever gotten!” joy and gratitude was written all over your face. It made his young spark melt.

“Anything— for you— Y/N.”

“So that’s why you were making a mess in the garage last night!” you laughed as you figured.

He rubbed the back of his helm as he innocently shrugged, looking like this: “😅”

“Oh, my dearest Bee- WOAH!”

He suddenly transformed which made you laugh as you found yourself in the driver’s seat of the Chevy with the creative sculpture in your lap (which will proudly stand in your bedroom).

“Now let’s— go get— a birthday cake!”

“Hell yeah!”

He floored it through the garage, again knocking down some stuff, mostly flowerpots.

“BEE!!!” to which he laughed.

“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Buzzbuzz~” which sounded like “maybe”.

“What do you mean “maybe”? You silly!” you playfully kicked him to which he made you jolt in your seat.

You kept nudging him while laughing as he was making you bounce in the driver’s seat. All that matters to him is your happiness, your smile, your laugh… Your laugh is like music to his audio receptors.

“I love you, Bee… to Cybertron and back!”

“Nooo— I love you— more!”

“Nu-uh! I love YOU more!”

“Nu-uh!” he imitated you.

And you went on and on while enjoying the ride to the local bakery. He really made you feel special, like a princess. You are his princess after all and he wants only the best for you. His spark aches when you’re sad… Especially on a day like this!

Of course he turned on the radio. You sang along and enjoyed the fun ride.

Of course the cake was yellow with sunflowers and bumblebees. He convinced you to buy candles too. Back at home, in the backyard, he prepared a little picnic for you. He placed a blanket on the grass and prepared the cake. He hummed the birthday song’s tune for you again.

“Make a wish darling~” he used a movie quote.

When you blew out the candles he clapped for you and squeezed you in his arms which almost made you lose your breath.

He fed you, played with your hair, nuzzled into your neck, gently swayed you from side to side to the music… He really made you feel like the only person on the planet. A lonely butterfly dancing with a happy bumblebee.

His one and only.

Dividers belong to @patches-1105 , @lostsozai , @cute-sushi-roll 💛

[wraenata]

You seem to put a lot of energy into being considerate of others. I'm thankful for it but like, how? I hope you're taking care of yourself.

Hi anon! Thank you very much, I really appreciate this.

I really like being considerate of others, in fact it makes me happy. When I see someone having a down day, I just want them to know that someone saw, and wants things to get better for them. Because that's how I really feel. I love all of you in my phone and I want you to be ok. And I like leaving nice tags for people on their art, because I know how much joy that can bring.

But, ugh, yeah. I'm not going to lie, it takes a lot of energy.

I think I'll put the rest under the cut...

Ever since the months started getting warmer this year I've been having more trouble keeping up with my dash (I'm someone who needs to scroll through the whole thing). Before the wedding I was in and covid about a month ago, I was able to just barely keep up with my dash and also scrolling the rise tag. Because I didn't want to miss anything! I also was able to scroll through ao3 to see what new fics were posted and bookmark ones I wanted to read! I...haven't been able to do that anymore...and I hate it.

I'm so far behind on reading fanfics that I absolutely enjoy because I just don't have the energy for reading anything longer than 1k at a time right now. And I can't start any new ones until I catch up on the old ones. There are so many writing posts I came across on my dash that are stuck in draft jail until I have time and energy to read them. And quite a few art posts that I came across when I just didn't have time.

I try hard to keep up with my dash at work but I only have so much (extremely generous) time to do that. I'm often speed running tags when I don't have a lot of time or energy. And sometimes I can't express just how much I love your art because of that low time or energy. And I hate putting posts in drafts cause it piles up and gives me anxiety. And when I come home its just, dash, all night.

I am eternally grateful for @/teainthesnow, she keeps all the tmnt tagged posts coming onto my dash so I can still see them (if you see this tea I am so appreciative of all the work you do for the fandom, you are an amazing person and I love you/platonic).

I've already unfollowed a few blogs, and I agonized over it, for like weeks, before doing it. But it hasn't been enough. If you noticed I unfollowed you in the past 2 months, please know that it was nothing personal and I hated that I had to do it. I miss seeing your posts and how your day is going. We are mutuals in my heart forever.

In fact I wish I could follow so many more blogs but I have had to stop myself for a while now. And it really fucking sucks. I've tried filtering a bunch of tags to make it easier too but it's not enough.

The fact of the matter is, I need to unfollow more blogs. And I hate to do it. I know I need to do it. I've known for a while now. I don't have the energy to keep up with it anymore, not after getting covid. I'm just so tired. All the time.

If you see that I unfollow you at some point, again, I love you and we are mutuals in my heart forever. All of my followers are my mutuals. My askbox and messages are always open. You can always tag me in posts (and oh my I'm just remembering all the of tag games I haven't had time to do) I just can't keep up with this anymore. I want to get back to reading fanfic and making the mountains of fanart I want to do for people.

I just, I love you all. But I'm so so tired. I really hope if anything comes out of this long ramble, its that I love you all. The rise fandom has given me so much and I want to return that love.

I'm sorry for the late response anon, and I'm sorry for turning your lovely ask into a bit of a vent. I've tried to put this off for as long as I could, but I just can't do it anymore.

I love you all though <3

[brujitaadinbo]

I come with every intention of writing and spoilers: this requires a lot of text but, sorry… it's an interesting read.

I've seen a lot of people complain about SW and their way of doing things; I've seen people complain about The Mandalorian and say; At what point did it become children's content?

Well, as I tell you, since season 1 this content has always turned out to be family content.

Now the people who say this; It is because it is alienated that SW does not vary; when practically the SW material is pure fantasy and there is material for everyone, of all colors and flavors. The Mandalorian cannot be pigeonholed solely into violence; friend, then you have not understood anything about this universe.

See Star Wars and everything Geroge, Filoni and Jon have been working on with a whole creative team, etc, etc. is to enter that world to which they took you "the never ending story", "the labyrinth", "Dragon Heart", "Merlin" and I can continue… magical worlds, where hope resides everywhere, where love It is an important point because despite not being able to see it, it becomes part of this environment and expresses itself in mysterious ways (yes, like strength). That is why pigeonholing SW solely in violence is taking away a vital part of its narrative, it is as if the conflicts in its different aspects were not shown; or wanting to remove something very substantial that although species from other worlds are shown; They have something that unites them with everything. "The feelings, the emotions, the humanity that exists in these aspects"

Friend, believe me, when you only get stuck in violence and don't want to look at something else; The problem is you and maybe SW is not the content you need. And hey; I'm not saying that you have to accept everything, but definitely criticizing just to criticize, hating just to hate is ridiculous and pathetic. Taking SW or the Mandalorian as entertainment after a difficult day is not bad at all. But now you want to take this as a personal vent, project yourself, harass and be an infernal hater, sorry but that's disgusting.

And believe me; That violence that you ask for so much is desensitizing you, it makes you someone who loses the notion of how you can harm others and there are people like me; who lives in violent countries, where your life is at stake every 5 minutes, that the only thing we want is to stop experiencing this violence and live fantasy and hope. So stop messing around, okay.

At the end of the day your requests are like: "You want a good development for Din Djarin, but you don't want him to associate with anyone, you want to pigeonhole him into a life in the countryside with a secondary character, You want him to continue in a dangerous profession that "no It leaves nothing good for him or his green boy, you complain about everything and it doesn't seem like anything to you.” Please; It's very obvious that you didn't watch the series and don't understand Din's development. stop fucking around.

A few days ago I was watching episode 3 and I'm going to say this; Anakin is a great character, he is a villain through and through, but all this grew like a snowball. They lost Anakin and he was already lost, Palpatine knew how to play his pieces. In the entire world of SW it is difficult to pigeonhole the characters because; The decisions are the ones that weigh the most. All SW characters have an Anakin within them, they all carry a complex and a mourning of their being; a good being or a bad being. Doing what is right or wrong is a struggle of ethics and morals.

Anakin was an enslaved child and grew up with this complex, remaining a slave due to his attachments until his death. Their actions do not have to be justified, but they do need to be understood and exposed. At the end of the day in this universe Who has not stained their hands with mud or blood to fight for something? Who hasn't had to ignore innocent people to preserve an idea or a fight? Who hasn't had to give in to the bad orders of others to save their people?

When I see people judging Bo Katan, for example; for being a terrorist in her past or for her wrong actions and them using this as a reason for Din not to be around her; I say to you.. How low and dirty do they have to be to use a person's past, in this case a character, and judge them and not allow them to redeem themselves?

Si Din let Bo Katan redeem himself this season 3 Who do you think you are to not allow it?

It hurts me a lot to see Anakin get lost and to see that here they showed us what love is. but they also show us "it's the right person at the wrong time"

Padme could fight hard but her own worries and Anakin's attitudes were driving them apart.

When Anakin is tempted to turn to the dark side to gain power and knowledge, he gives in to his attachment to Padme, his fear, and gives in to the temptation. And for example in the mandalorian from season 1 We can see how temptation tried to envelop Din Djarin so that he would leave the creed.

Many people believe that this scene with Omera was "romantic" which it was not so; This series was representative of that TEMPTATION that Din could have fallen into. It's a symbolic scene of how Din was able to abandon the creed, stop being a Mandalorian, settle down and live in a remote place. EVEN when he mentions to Omera that his main goal was to honor Mandalorian culture, which saved him from the droids. SHE tries to take off his helmet if he allows it, invasively, as a temptation. THE CLEAR THING was that he NEVER fell into temptation.

Din clearly tells him "I don't belong here."

Because many say “I wanted a quiet life with her.” I say; Since he did not agree to stay and preferred the creed and remain Mandalorian, develop his character, surround himself with other people, adopt Grogu and recover his planet together with Bo Katan, I tell you HE preferred a Mandalorian life and his lifestyle and culture may be anything but "a quiet lifestyle."

Now when they say "Bo katan is a liar, a villain" it's because they didn't understand any point I mentioned. All SW characters have had to make difficult decisions, Bo Katan has been more oriented towards being an Anti-hero. And I don't justify her but it is understood and her points of view are expressed, about why she acted that way.

Since season 2 he could have killed or betrayed Din and taken his saber, in season 3 he had all the time and opportunities to do so. AND IT NEVER HAPPENS…

And it is more than clear that she had a very peculiar interest in him, that she protected him in some way.

Always saving him, even in chapter Plazir 15, she saves him from the separatist droids just when he shows rejection towards politicians. A clear nod to the fact that she does not fall for opulence or power, she simply wants to right her wrongs and bring glory to Mandalore, so that her people have their home.

Saying that Bo Katan "didn't redeem himself because he didn't do anything" Sorry, but living with a tormented conscience, with memory and constant regret. This season 3 Brendan Wayne himself says it in a podcast where he is a guest: "Din wanted to get Bo Katan out of that depression of that cloudy cloud of thoughts and knock her out with his own feelings, it was like he was talking to my wife"

I uploaded that interview and you can find it on my wall, I don't lie like SCREENRANT, they love to lie.

I don't want to go into more detail but I'm going to close this post with this.

Let's assume Din and Bo don't want anything romantic, okay. then at least allow them to be comrades in arms; It doesn't take anything away from them, on the contrary it gives them both a lot. Both Din with his own qualities can support Bo and vice versa. So why separate them if in the end, they are just friends?

And if it turns out that there are feelings and love between the two IT ALSO doesn't take anything away from them and yes, it contributes to them.

Star Wars is a galactic opera and I repeat; Taking away love just because you are a bitter person is taking away one of its main foundations.

The Mandalorians would be another very peculiar, interesting and unique perspective on love, if they let this union flow. Because it wouldn't be the typical cliché

We would see Din and Bo fighting together, sharing moments, weapons, tactics, in the middle of a battle, a show of affection, a hug, something very human, holding hands, fighting together, sharing plans, exchanging ideas and even A Keldabe kiss..

I and many see potential, at least in this shipment there is a lot of material to refute this couple; and I'm completely in the group that wants to keep them together.

This is the way.

[beesfairlyland]

hi bee, i'm sorry for the vent, but i just really need to get this out. i've been into concepts since like... 2016 i think? first loattraction, then loassumption, and now non dualism. i used all of these to "get something" yes, even nd. sure, when i learned about nd i let go of desiring, but in the end i still do "want" to have "my" desired life as a human/"ego". i've been doing everything i read for nd, letting go of all labels, thoughts, etc. and it's been going well, but recently i've started worrying again. everything i did when i was still into both loa's changed absolutely nothing/didn't work for me (i've never "manifested" anything in these almost 8 years), so i'm worried about being stuck as a this human that i do not want to be at all forever. i'm worried about not stripping labels and letting go "good enough" and i'm worried that everyone on here is just feeding me lies about this freedom and liberation. do you have any advice for this? i'm just so desperate to stop identifying with the ego (and an ego i don't like being at that)

Heya hun!💗

It's okayy don't be sorry....i understand sometimes it get's soo frustrating that we need to take it out. I feel you I've been here too before.

Take a deep breathe and calm down. Ik it sucks being stuck in a loop of trying and trying again, in a loop of desiring. But baby you have to understand that Non dualism is not a method, ik you know this too. And uk it's okay if you wanna have your desires (more of beautiful experiences) , may be it's just you are not ready yet to KNOW yourSELF and that's totally fine. There's nothing to hurry about, nowhere to reach. Have some rest. Don't beat yourself up. Okay?

First things first i want you to KNOW that the experiences that you wanna have are nothing special. They are YOU. And Everything that this ego can think of it is already here. It's your choice what you wanna experience.

Rn you are aware of desiring things, from lack. Im not asking you to do nothing, ik it's just gonna make you anxious. Just bare with me hear me out (it's gonna go out of nd perspective). I want you to drop the idea of getting something. If you want to, first feel every shitty emotion you want to. Cry it out. Let it all out. If you wanna cry for whole day, go ahead. But after that, you won't go back to being aware of those feelings. Ofc you'll have thoughts but just don't entertain them. Not yours so they can get lost. Don't give feeling to that thought. And no you don't have to act like you have what you wanna experience, you have to KNOW that this dream gonna change for good. And that's inevitable. I want you to tap into your non dual state aka void state. But this time you are not putting it on a pedestal. I suggest you to read my post and Know what *void* actually is:

And if you don't wanna meditate....you can try lucid dreaming. And it can be beneficial to make you understand that you are not this mind-body. I lucid dream and it's soo fun. Go ahead and give it a try. Just KNOW that you can do it.

Remember it's all gonna be alright. It's destined. you came across all this knowledge for a reason.

Ik i am a non dualism blogger soo i should just stick to that. But ik where you coming from and me giving you more pointers, asking you to go within won't do any good to you. And im here to help you guys. Giving you some motivation about not giving up wouldn't do any good to you atleast in this situation.

Hope i could help you a lil bit! If you wanna ask something else feel free to send in an ask!

-love, bee🐝💗

[huraiyra]

sorry for vent posting guys you can scroll away really fast now. if youre reading this please be advised I am using a metaphor I am fine lol

but damn I do not feel like a person. I've been this way my whole life and as a teen I thought I had dependent personality disorder bc I just wanted others to make every decision for me and I would ask permission to eat or watch TV or use the bathroom even if I didn't NEED TO and people would be like why are you ASKING. and as I grew up I realised that my fear of making the wrong decision and ruining my life for myself was so stupid. I used to think if someone else ruined my life it would be okay bc at least it's not me. and others know best. but a decade later and I feel like a fucking dog being paraded around to show off its obedience and it gets disciplined when it barks and when it makes a decision against its owner it gets its leash tightened tighter and tighter till it feels like it might die. and I can't escape it. my dependence is self imposed but I can't survive on my own and maybe I learned how to think and eat on my own but I fucking suck BUT I'M WILLING TO TRY but there's no way out. I'm stuck here. what am I without my mom to control me. I'm afraid of leaving I love my home I just want to be taken care of but this leash isn't comfortably snug anymore it's starting to hurt. if I stay here there's no way I can fight them. some day they'll hold me down and have me married and then someone else will hold me down and... more imminent, soon I'll be shoeholed into another career that will damage my body again. my mom says the damage is my fault and if I cant do it I'm a worthless idiot who should die bc life is pain and that's final. but today my doctor said there's no reason to treat me for weak legs that can't stand and a brain that's spasming and making me want to off myself if I can just... quit the job that's making my body do that. how revolutionary. I'm crying freaking out bc all my parents tell me is tht theres no way out and I have to work jobs I hate bc work sucks and thats how life is and why did my doctor have to give me hope? but if I'm a dog what decision does the dog have. I don't know how to want. I don't know how to be interested in things. my depression doesn't let me like anything and bc of this I'm being controlled. maybe if I wanted something I could do it but all I want is comfort. as long as I crave only the comfort of my bed and the softness of my mother's arms holding me I have to deal with the leash. it's not a bad deal but by fuck I should not deal with this any longer. I can't force myself to leave bc I'm unemployed and psychotic and living alone—even my brother knows I'd fall into pieces from lack of money and general insanity. what the fuck do I do. I like being a pampered puppy but I'm a human and I need to accept it. no matter how psychotic I am, no matter how I've never believed I am a human, I am. my autism says I'm scared of other people and only my mom halfway gets me and I just want simplicity and depression says stay in bed and my health says I have no future and my psychosis says stay in a small ball or else everything will hurt you and my family says I need to listen to them and life is only pain and I need to embrace pain and shut the fuck up and do whatever they say or else. but I need to survive. I can't keep doing this. what do I do? dog on a leash... I can't make myself cut through it. can someone else do it please? I want a different owner. but I don't think any owner is going to be as comforting as my parents. their (prev physical and lifelong psychological) abuse is mixed with so much love I still doubt it's abuse even though I know. they've loved me as much as they're capable of and they do truly take care of me. I need to be my own owner but how the fuck. every few days I cry and want to die to end all of this bc the worst part is that after I get away from them all my problems will be worse bc I'M the problem and my parents love is the only thing keeping me in one piece. I'm a dependent pampered dog that can't run away and can't handle a leash. I just keep ruminating and ruminating and I can't do anything. what the fuck do I do?

[linaselandbasil]

For @losyashkakus! If you're not her turn around immediately or ill call the police on your stupid ass for trespassing!

@aide-falls you can read it too, but read chapter 33 first.

This is a removed scene from ch.33. I thought it was a little too spicy for aadiftraf, so I rewrote it but I keep my removed scenes because I think I'll need them and today is the day when I finally needed one! Yay! Have fun bestie!

....

He took the rope out of the bag and flung it over his shoulder. It's going to be fun.

He silently walked towards her, readying the rope. She couldn't hear his footsteps from the weird groaning and creaking that constantly echoes through this part of the passages. "Lance? AH-" he put his hand over her mouth and pushed her against a wall.

"Shhh." He pulled her arms behind her back and tied them together. "You'll wake the whole city."

"Sorry!" He put his bag down and took some more rope out. "Oh my oracle."

"She's not going to help you." He tripped her again and caught her before she fell. "I like this look on you." He tied her ankles together. She just chuckled. "Try getting out." She pulled on the ropes, she can't get out. "Can't?"

"No, how could I? How did you do this in total darkness?"

"Good." He picked her up and began walking away with her slung over his shoulder. "So, how was your day?"

"Woke up at noon, had dinner for breakfast or breakfast for dinner, whatever fits best, I went to work and now this. It's been a great day!" The only light here was coming from the vent lining the walls.

"Good to hear." He pat her thigh.

"You can go harder."

"I'll go harder when I want to."

"Oh, alright!... A-and how was your day?"

"Oh, the usual. Nearly drowned in a tunnel barely big enough to fit through, got stuck in a man-made underground thingy that I've never been in, nearly died of hypothermia and somehow ended up in- No you know what? You don't gotta know!"

"Oh? That explains the dirt!"

"Yeah..."

He threw her over a ledge and climbed up next to her. She could see two small windows, some light came in through them. He completely took his helmet off.

"Look around!" He took the lantern out and it revealed the unpainted brick that they used to wall off the door. There's a bunch of pipes in the wall opposite to them. "Isn't it homey? I just love the place! And the rent? Amazing." He pulled her toward the pipes. "Say Ah!" She opened her mouth and he pushed a handkerchief I to it. He forced her mouth closed and cast a spell on her lips in a modest kiss.

"I'm terribly sorry, my dear."

"Hmmh?" He took her keys out of her pocket.

"I just needed these."

"Hmnmh??"

"I know, I know! This whole kidnapping gig was kind of pointless, but I need you to have a good alibi. Nevra has been looking at you too closely. You'd be a suspect.... And like, I don't feel like picking the lock."

She looked at him, annoyed. She tried the ropes again, but dhe wasn't going to get out.

"Sweetheart. You'll never escape." He pulled his glove off with his teeth and boldly caressed her thigh. "Do you even want to?" He inched further and further up.

She got red. He couldn't tell in this lighting, but she had that kinda face.

"Of course you don't. You enjoy this.* I wonder if your miserable childhood has anything to do with your humiliation kink." He kisses her forehead and left, he left her the lantern at least.

[elegyofthemoon]

more life stuff/vent under the read more but i just wanted to say thanks for people who were around/messaged me yesterday. really. youre all super sweet and i really hope the kindness youve shown me and joy will always follow you. youre all wonderful

i went to bed kinda late bc of how panicked and shaken i was about the whole situation. i did sleep through the night thankfully, but i saw my folks leave more messages about 'trying again' and 'not making a stupid mistake' and the panic starts setting in again everytime i do bc they really dont understand and i dont think they will genuinely unless i do something rash, but i wont. im telling myself i wont bc i have a bunch of things to look forward to. like i have something waiting for me back home in june, so i have to go home for that. i have the p//enacony arc to play through next week and enjoy, and i have allen's companion quest and the transduction arc i've been wanting to write for this year.

i still have a lot of things to look forward to for this year so i have to press on.

i need to survive the long day today. but i feel like im just gonna space out and things arent gonna feel real for me today or rather for a while. but its what i have to do to stop myself from panicking again.

i just dont know what to say or respond to my parents with anymore because i'm gonna put myself in panic again... we'll find the words somehow.

but. yeah. thanks everyone again. and im so sorry ive been venting since last year really. i really want this year to be different; i dont want to be in so much extended pain the way that i was last year. i really dont want to suffer anymore from this and i have to make that change but for now im stuck

[huntinglove]

Sorry in advance for the long ask; feel free to delete without even reading the whole thing, I just really need to voice this somewhere and if by chance you did want to reply I’d massively appreciate your perspective.

I just was wondering… do you have any advice for finally ditching the plausible deniability of being “neutral” or “just anti-harassment” while existing on the selfship side of tumblr?

When I first joined the community I had genuinely never heard of proship vs antiship before, so I took a year or so researching and deciding where I stand on the matter. After witnessing the insanity of antis in action over and over and finding a much more rational community on Aethy and elsewhere in proship spaces, I’ve found I definitely come down on the proship side of the line. In recent months especially, I’ve found myself blocking more and more of my former mutuals or people I used to follow because of their “proship DNI” banners or the way they talk about other people who aren’t up to their standards… the trouble is, I’m not finding anyone new to fill my dashboard from proselfship tumblr, either.

I’m down to a handful of selfship blogs followed, and feel like I can’t reblog almost anything selfship-related because everything is polarized and I’d either be reblogging stuff that’s yelling “proship DNI” at the bottom, or else painting a target on my back and the backs my mutuals and whoever I reblog from by reblogging from proship blogs to an audience that I feel certain still contains a lot of antis but can’t possibly weed out entirely.

I’m not sure what to do. I think I’d be very easily identifiable if I just made an entirely new blog and turned the old one into an archive, so it would only be delaying the issue to take that route. Just slapping “btw this blog is proship now” might cause asshole antis to decide to harass not only me but anyone I associate with. I’ve never felt quite so badly “stuck” as I do now in terms of social issues.

Any advice would be welcome, but if you don’t have any, then thank you for taking the time just to read this. I hope you have an awesome day, and remember that your f/os adore you. 💙

It's a very complicated situation, I'm really sorry nonny!

Well, I've been there before. My main blog grew way more than I wanted it to, getting to over 1.5K followers, so I also felt cornered and unable to reblog the things I liked or interact with the people I wanted to.

It may be scary but the best advice I have is to make an entirely new blog and take your time warming up to the new waters. If you're afraid that you'll be recognized on Tumblr, then the communities over on Mastodon might be a bit better for you to gain confidence! If you're an adult and comfortable with NSFW content, I strongly suggest Baraag.

If you prefer to keep your original blog, it's a bit more complicated if you have constant/active interactions with your anti mutuals, because the safest option would be to block them. If you do, change your settings so that only mutuals can message you and so you won't be able to receive asks with media or anon asks, so you can avoid harassment.

I suggest slowly distancing yourself from antis until you feel it's safe to block them, instead of doing it right away, because people may block-evade you to see what's been going on in your blog after a sudden block.

As for only finding a couple of people to follow, you don't have to worry about it! If you follow five people, they'll interact with other accounts that will eventually catch your eye and so on. That's how your community and online spaces grow!

I really hope you find these tips helpful and I wish you the best! If you ever need to vent, my inbox is always open 💙

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

I don't really think I need any tws? Maybe tw for me hating that I'm half deaf and need a hearing aid. Oh and also tw for swearing.

Looking for: just wanna vent and maybe some advice

So I'm deaf in one ear. And it never really bothered me that much. Sure it was kinda annoying sometimes cuz I gotta focus real hard to even hear something but I never really hated it. But now, because I'm deaf, I have to go to many MANY appointments. Mri scans, hearing aids, hearing tests, it's all so annoying. I have to miss school to go there sometimes too. Its so fucking annoying I hate it so much. I've had SO many hearing tests and the thing they put in ur ear to test, that thing is SOOOOO painful, my ear would be ringing and in so much pain afterwards. The beeping sounds would feel like a bullet was shot in my head. I didn't tell the doctors this cuz Idk what are they even gonna do about it, give me a pep talk? But those tests were temporary so it wasn't that bad. But now, they're telling me that I should use a cros hearing aid, I tried it on and oh my god it was SO painful I don't even know how to explain. The pain of that aid was so overwhelming I couldn't even concentrate on anything else. I told them that me and my family will think about it more and let them know if I will wear it or not. My parents didn't really liked that, they told me that I have to wear it cuz year 10 is coming and it's gonna be really hard to concentrate in classes with a hearing aid, I really get their point and I know I should wear it, that's the most logical thing to do. But I just don't want to. I don't wanna wear that thing. I don't wanna have to wear painful thing in my ear just to function like how normal people do. They say that it will be more comfortable with time but I think it's gonna take like months to get used to it, I don't think I can bear the pain that long. Even after that wearing test my ears still hurt for DAYS, and I only wore it for a few seconds. Imagine how painful it would be to wear it for forever. This whole thing is starting to make me hate my disability, I hate being deaf why wasn't I just born normal. I hate having to bear pain just to be normal. Why do I have to do this, I don't want to be stuck with a stupid hearing aid for the rest of my lifes. Worse is I have a low pain tolerance so it just makes it more painful. I don't want to wear it. I don't want to go to appointments like once every two weeks. It's so fucking annoying I fucking hate it. I don't know what to do. I know the most logical thing to do is to wear it cuz it has many advantages, but I don't think I can bear the pain. What should I do? I'm so conflicted about this whole thing

-🦆

Hi 🦆,

I'm sorry to hear about the struggles you've been facing. It must be so frustrating to be in an environment where the ability to hear is assumed. On top of the various tests and appointments you've undergone, it must feel incredibly isolating as well. But please know that you're not alone, and you are seen.

It's important that you are given full autonomy in this situation because it is your body and your condition so you deserve the right to say what you want to do. It's disappointing that it seems like your parents don't understand or respect your perspective or preferences. While some other kind of hearing aid may be less painful, it should ultimately be your choice whether or not you want to use one.

You don't deserve to feel pressured or forced to wear a hearing aid at the convenience of others, and especially as a student you deserve to have accommodating care that can help you learn effectively without a supplement like a hearing aid. Your school may be different but as an autistic my high school offered things like extra time, alternate location, stand and stretch, and other things. It may be worth looking into whether or not your school offers accommodations for HoH folks and what kinds of alternatives they offer.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[inkedeye2345]

Got on the wrong foot part Pt.9

who the f#ck are you?

Rise Leo x OC

WARNING: i do NOT own ROTTMNT or spiderman, blood, NEW CHARACTER, Lesbian content (if you're homophobic wtf are you doing here man), cursing, angst (i guess), family Reunion???and thats it i think i hope you enjoy

no ones POV: (ofc its going to be cringe 😝) Kyle comes out of no where but in...upside down spider women? this isn't in the script damn it "hey you...ya you the one who has been spying on me during my whole entire life...mostly my love life and unfortunately the stupid narrator not you the beautiful reader i'm talking about the person who's narrating this"

fuck you kyle anyways- "okay people lets start from the beginning one last time my name is kyle (just pretend the cool spider gwen back rounds there when she introduces herself) i was bitten by a radioactive spider and for the last three months I've been the only spider women you guys kinda know the rest, I've started to play the electric guitar and skating (skatebored to be exact) saved leo's ass when he would jump into things...and the lieutenant my dad tricked me into believing the world could be a better place, and now i save everyone else" "i don't do dads or even a draxum dad or anything to avoid any distractions but then i met someone i never thought i would but anyways sorry people but if you want to keep reading go on i wont stop you"

Kyle's POV: "YOU'RE GROUNDED!!!" i slam my door shut hearing draxum yelling at me "DO NOT SLAM THAT DOOR ON ME LITTLE GIRL!!!" after that fight i didn't feel like coming out of my room honestly he doesn't know how it feels like to be lonely or really anything i put my headphones on listening to vent music (alien blue hehe) i lay down on my bed i realized that i've been so busy that i wasent able to talk to Leo,Donnie,April or anyone really im just stuck in this damn ho- "aGHHHhhhhhHhhh wTFffffff" i wheezed as i felt something heavy fall on my body and i see the one and only Leonardo Hamato "holaaa mi amor como estas." i nod my head and smile "doing just great" he nods his head in agreement "you haven't been answering my texts...?" "ya sorry been busy with school shit" i see him get off feeling the weight drift away "well why dont we go out and have fun for once?" i cringe a bit at his suggestion "i cant i'm...grounded" i hear him hum and he jumps out of the open window as i run over to it and see him on top of o bulding next to mine "isss night spider grounded?" i tap my foot the shrug

this is just what i needed to just get out in the fresh air spend time with my turtle boyfriend in New York City "do any of your siblings know that you're out here?" "uh,ya but raph wants me by curfew...like alwaysss" i chuckle at least he doesn't feel shitty we stayed in silence until CRASH i looked down and see...the lieutenant my dad i stayed there frozen as i took my mask off and started panting why did it feel like i was back where i was as a kid...

FLASHBACK

i was just a kid...lost,scared,hurt...i was in the streets ripped clothes scars on my body to show everyone i'm not normal i just adapted to the world i would rob people i didn't know my own parents but one day i just was running from robbing food until i bumped in to a guy

i looked up at him and turn my head around to see the guys after me and look back and the man in front of me "please help..." after a few seconds he picked me up and ran we got to a gym place until we went inside a look alike cave and put me down

but after that i was in the foot clan after that he would train me love me like a dad would but those words kept on ringing and ringing "Kyle i promise you we will make the world a better place and no one i mean no one will hurt you on my watch"

END OF FLASHBACK

"KYLE!" i snapped out of my trance and looked at leo "sorry lost in thought" i look down at the building "how do you feel about going on patrol on a rest day?" he smirked and nods his head i smile and put my mask on and jump down to see...a mutant fox?

i put my hand out reassuring him that 'i got this'

the only thing i could look at where her boobs damn and her Scythe is long but me and leo have to get home fast before draxum pisses himself and leo's brothers mostly raph i lean on the wall "so do you use that for...you know" i make a circle on my left hand and pull out one finger and poke it threw the hole multiple time i see her throw her Scythe at me as it spins but i doge it in time that it misses me and goes back to her grasp "Woahhhhh that was impressive did mommy teach you that" i hear her growl and i chuckle "you have a mouth fox" she throws her Scythe one more time but it its me instead of stabbing it and i grunt as im thrown to the wall "OW i thought we would be good friends but curiosity killed the cat didnt it" i was able to throw my death sickle at her cutting her cheek "you little spider bitch!!!" i see her launch at me and i kick her stomach she falls back i get out of the Scythe's grasp and i felt a punch on my face as we fought i was able to grab her mask and pull it down but something was wrong...no how is she here "Saph...is that you" i take my mask off her eyes widen. "you're alive?" we say at the same time "SAPH LETS GO" she turns around then back at me i look behind her "you're with him aren't you" "no no kyle i swear its not what it looks like" i look down then look up at her as we make eye contact "you were going to kill me weren't you" "kyle no...you know i had to do something so i could-" i immediately cut her off "you left me...YOU LEFT I COULDN'T FIND YOU!" i tear up "WHAT NOW YOU"RE GOING TO KILL ME NOW JUST SO LIFE CAN BE EASY"

"YOU DON'T GET IT I DID IT SO BIG MAMA COULD LET ME GO OR SEE GOOD IN ME" i shake my head "really big mama...?" "LETS GO SAPH NOW THE COPS WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE" i heard sirens my dad well you know who grabbed her and looked at me i hear him mumble something "you've grown little one..." i put my mask on and shoot my webs to the building and left

when i got back to the apartments Leo kept on asking if i were okay and then he asked the big fucking question i never wanted to hear in the first place "who was she?" i look at him "shes my.....sister....twin to be exact...she was gone for 16 years and decides to kills me....anyways i'm going to sleep" he nods his head and pecks my temples "this time answer my texts...please" i smile "ya ok" we said our goodnights but my sister kept on on coming up on my head i don't know why she came back or even turned in to a mutant but i do know for one fact

WE’LL MEET AGAIN.

(Hi i'm sorry i haven't posted but i made this so i could say sorry its just that im not happy right now at all and i think i might need a theripist and that sucks ass and i think i have depreshion so this kinda made me feel better and you know that your writter kai stayed up to ruin her idk hour nap and i finished this at 4:21 am so yay well im going to knock the fuck out have a good day/night god bless you beautiful people bye 💙)

PREVIOUS

[omgitsfullofstars]

yaknow, from everything you've shared about your ex boyfriend it sure sounds like he was just trying to get some Unicorn Threesome Situations out of it and wasn't in it for a true poly relationship. especially with the whole angrily storming out when you and the gf were intimate together. You definitely seem better off without him and probably her too

Sorry for the late response to this, I've been trying to continue functioning properly.

I think the biggest thing thing pointing to his being a unicorn hunter was his frustration at the sheer fact of my husband existing and my girlfriend dating him. He saw him as, like, "competition". Which is so fucking unhealthy.

But also idk if I can call him just a standard unicorn hunter either. He said he saw me as a "reason to be better" which is... a lot of undue pressure to have on my shoulders, especially when he WASN'T getting better.

He was damn near hysterical when I broke up with him and the longest he's gone between texting me in the two and a half weeks since we broke up is about a day.

My girlfriend, on the other hand (if she even CAN still be called that) hasn't messaged me at all. She says she needs time to work out her feelings, which I understand. That's fine. But being stuck in limbo really sucks. And I can't help but worry that he's spending his time trying to convince her to break up with me. Or, even worse, she'll break up with me to save herself the trouble of having to deal with him being hurt about it.

All in all, I'm just glad that she isn't breaking up with my husband. I held out with my ex for so long because I was worried about her and my husband's relationship. Which, yeah, also isn't healthy, but at least I'm admitting it.

Idk, I'm just venting at this point. Thanks prompting it with your ask.

[flightfoot]

Okay. I've been burying this for a while, mainly because I didn't have a place to vent, but I feel I can trust you to try and understand.

I can't be the only one with negative feelings towards Alya right? At first I loved her, she was supportive, caring and more than willing to show some sass to protect her bestie. Then the reveal happened and my opinion of her took a nose dive. I wasn't really thrilled with gang of secrets, I thought they were a bit pushy, but they were worried and I can accept that. Plus with no real clue how time passes in the show it may have been weeks after the break up with Luka and she was still withdrawn so I get why that would be more worrying then it being the next day.

No the real problem was the start of pigeon man 72 and Rocketear. One of her first lines in that episode was "I'm your best friend and a journalist, you weren't going to be able to keep a secret from me." What? It's been months! Six if you believe the movies. So that was an eye roll. Then we hit Rocketear where Alya confesses the whole thing with Rena Furtive to Nino. One week. Couldn't keep it a secret for one week. Worse she didn't even tell Marinette that she told him! I mean it's a good thing she did otherwise she would have been dust in Strike back, and I don't get why Ladybug never told Nino about the whole "she can't wear a miraculous anymore" but that's another thing.

Then I remembered the end of Animan. The girl goes from calling Nino her brother to telling him about Marinette's crush on Adrien. And still doesn't tell Marinette that she did! By the time Puppeteer 2 comes around Alya is still elbowing Nino everytime he goes to far while telling Marinette she's imagining things. Either Nino's a genius and figured it out himself or Alya's lying.

This is way longer then I meant for it to be, sorry, so I won't get into the whole Lila bit or every other little thing I noticed but I am not a fan anymore.

I definitely don't share your negative feelings towards Alya - I literally run an Alya Appreciation blog - but this is at least based on actual things that happened in the show, so I'll try to address them.

I really loved Alya and the girls in Gang of Secrets. Marinette was clearly not okay, she was crying in the bathroom stall and when she came out, pretended to be happy and okay, but it was obviously an act. And she wasn't talking to anyone about it, either. Her friends all trying to talk to her, and just wanting to know that they're there for her, that she needs to open up to someone. Marinette DID need an intervention, she wasn't coping well, and she wasn't opening up on her own. Her friends just wanted her to be okay, and given how interventionist everyone in the show is (VERY MUCH INCLUDING MARINETTE,) that involved going to try to talk to Marinette directly. In any case, I love how at the end of the episode, Alya gently told her she could talk to her if she needed it, and Marinette opened up.

One of her first lines in that episode was "I'm your best friend and a journalist, you weren't going to be able to keep a secret from me."

Is this in the French version or something? Because it wasn't in the English version for either Mr. Pigeon 72 or Rocketear.

As for Alya telling Nino that she's Rena Furtive, I actually liked that a lot. Yeah, she didn't keep it secret very long, but I'm kind of glad she didn't? Her relationship with Marinette isn't the only relationship that matters to her, or is treated as valuable by the show. And Alya was stuck between a rock and a hard place. The more people know a secret, the easier it is for it to get out... but the fewer people know it, the easier it is for misunderstandings to happen, and for the person keeping those secrets to have a breakdown. And this secret IS, first and foremost, ALYA's secret. It's about her secret identity, and she's the main one in danger if it gets out - well, her and her loved ones, as we saw in Sentibubbler.

It's not like Alya told her secret "just because", anyway. It'd helped cause the misunderstanding that led to Nino being akumatized, and yeah, while he said that he'd trust in her more after that, it still would've continued to damage their relationship if she had to keep hidden that she was still helping Ladybug.

Alya telling Nino also served to contrast her approach with Marinette's that season, with how Marinette was keeping everything secret from her own partner, Chat Noir, and the extremely detrimental effects that had on their relationship. Alya's approach was meant to be a contrast to Marinette's own, to show another path - and not necessarily a worse one, either.

As for Animan, Nino and Alya had apparently opened up to each other a lot during that stay in the zoo cage. I mean, Nino talked about being coached by Adrien. So I'm not surprised that Alya also opened up about Marinette having a crush on someone - though I'm getting the sense from the conversation that Alya might not have outright said who, but it was just easy to guess from the context - if only to try to work out what, exactly, happened.

In any case, all of this revolves around Alya's relationship with Marinette, and the assumption that she should prioritize Marinette's feelings, wishes, and not ever pushing Marinette to do anything to change a situation, even for the sake of Marinette's own happiness, and I just... can't get behind that. Alya likes and values Marinette, she's friends with her and wants her to be happy, but Marinette is not the only person who matters in her life, and nor should she be. And also just... these kids are interventionist. Which means that when Alya sees that her friends, like Marinette, are having problems, she tries to do something to help fix it. Which might not be perfect, but just leaving the situation to fester usually doesn't help things, either. And Marinette WILL leave a situation to fester, unless something forces her to see that what she's doing is untenable.

Just... I like to go at it from the mindset of "okay, picture this from Alya's perspective. Make her the main character, and Marinette be defined more as being HER best friend, rather than the other way around. How does that change things?" Because a lot of these things are the kind of stuff that's more accepted for a character, so long as they're the main protagonist, the one the story revolves around and that the audience is supposed to project onto. And logically, in-universe, there's no reason why Marinette should be given any more deference than Alya should - not outside of stuff related to being Ladybug, anyway.

I've been in this fandom since early season 3, and been reading a crapton of Miraculous fanfics since then as well. I've seen Alya made to beat Marinette up, destroy her stuff, and lead the class in terrorizing Marinette in order to give Marinette an excuse to call down whatever new friends she makes on Alya and co., having her celebrity friends publicly shame her, get her blacklisted from all future jobs, or even throw her in prison, if it's one of those "Alya assaults or poisons Marinette" fics. Even milder ones would have Alya, and the class in general, realize that apparently everything good that ever happened to them was because Marinette broke her back providing the school with all of its funding, setting up every fun field trip, and making gifts for everyone constantly with no recompense, and then ruing the day they crossed her and lost everything good in their lives, since Marinette was solely responsible for their well-being and happiness. I've seen Alya screamed at and have the things she values torn away by the people she respected the most, time and time again, on a popular and regular basis, FOR YEARS by her insanely prevalent and loud hatedom.

Any sort of thing that Alya could possibly be called out or demonized for, she has been, over and over and OVER again. There is nothing she could possibly do in the show that would in any way justify even a fraction of what has been done to her by the saltdom. I am gonna defend her whenever possible, because someone needs to.

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

either... 15. trembling hands - for Miles/Ginger or 26. how dare [you] - Bill/Alec

I have another Miles and Ginger one in my inbox to write, so let's do some Bill and Alec!

On with the fic!

--

Hardy wasn't exactly in the best mood, to put it simply.

It hadn't been a great morning, waking up late after having missed both his main alarm and his second one. Then there was dealing with some minor chest pains from the stress of a rushed morning and traffic being shit, and to come into the office only to find that apparently someone fucked up something and their digital files were messed up.

All he wanted to do was lock his office door and just... block out the world for the next twenty four hours.

But no, no, he couldn't have that, because he had to do paperwork until the system could be fixed, and apparently today was a good day for a bunch of crimes to take place. Minor things, but still, everything needs paperwork and apparently needs him to look it over.

Oh, and Miller's sick. Fucking beautiful.

So, once the shift was over, finally, he made his way home, wanting nothing more than to just lay down and hide in the dark for a while. He wished he could have a strong drink, but he knew better.

Hardy opened the door to his home, finding Bill there, waiting for him. He could smell food when he walked in, instantly knowing it was his favorite, and that the place looked straightened up, everything was nice and in order.

Bill was smiling at him from the couch. "Good evening." He said as he got up from the couch, approaching his husband, giving him a peck on the cheek.

What the hell?

Hardy blinked, letting Bill take his coat for him, then his keys, the folders he had taken home with him from work, setting those aside. He almost seemed in a daze as he seemed to have gone from wearing his boots to his house shoes, then was seated at the table.

"Bill?" He finally spoke, seeming to realize that his husband had been talking to him the whole time.

"Hm? Yes?"

"Did... are you being sweet to me, making dinner and all this whole... house husband nonsense, just to cheer me up? Did someone tell you I've had a shit day?"

Bill stopped and sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yes, you got me. Ellie called, said that she heard from you that you were having a terrible day."

Hardy had vented to her when he had a moment, because he needed to speak to someone who understood the office chaos like he did, even if she was sick. She had done the same to him once before, so... yeah.

Still, he hadn't expected her to tell Bill about this, but she was a worrier, she probably felt it was best to let Bill know he wasn't doing great stress-wise.

Seemed Bill's solution was to do something nice, and actually put effort into it all.

Fuck, Hardy felt his eyes sting.

"Are you alright?" Bill asked, setting a hand on Hardy's shoulder.

"How dare you be so bloody good to me?" Hardy sniffed. "Normally, you can be such a bastard."

Bill laughed at this. "Come on, you know I'm trying to be a much better person than I was before. And I think a good way of going about that is trying to give my husband a better evening than his shitty day."

"You're so weird, this is so not like you." Hardy found himself laughing. "Who are you and what have you done to the idiot I married?"

"Sorry, but you're stuck with me being nice. Now eat your dinner, I had to put in a lot of effort to figure out how the hell to make it, you're so picky, even without your diet restrictions!"

Hardy scoffed, but smiled a bit. He was sure it would taste off, not like how he or Daisy makes it, but he appreciated the effort to make him feel better after such a long day.

[boilingheart]

cw: suicidal thoughts //

idk how to do a read more on mobile sorry otherwise I'd crop it. I told myself I wouldn't vent about shit like this heavy and personal online anymore but I'm not doing so good and I need to put it somewhere

I'm not very healthy and I'm not very happy. I'm not doing so good mentally. Financially things suck really bad, I've been eating one meal a day for the past 3 months and I can't fall asleep until it's at least 5-6AM. I fixed my sleep schedule last week and it only lasted 2 days. It's almost 9AM that I write this and I haven't slept

My shoulder hurts again and I think it's because I got lazy on physical therapy. I'm scared ill dislocate it again. I hurt my knee at work last week and I hurt it again a few days ago and right now the whole muscle is swollen and sore and tender and I limp when I walk. I'm 24 and I feel so breakable and weak, I have no muscle, I'm too fucking tall, and I feel like any one of my bones are going to pop out of their sockets. I still have to go to work and get my license and do other things but how can I if my shoulder feels so weak? It's recovering from a dislocation still but it feels like it got worse, not to mention my trapezius has been getting pins and needles daily for no reason and no treatment has worked and my doctor doesn't know what's causing it

Somethings wrong with my skin too. I think it's eczema, I hope that's all it is, but it's the worst it's ever been. My whole left arm is completely discolored and dry and itchy and it's starting to spread on more of my body in ways I've never seen. I'm scared it'll get to my face next

I am so so uncomfortable. There's no space in my house. There's 5 of us in one house and we all fucking hate each other and There's 3 animals and there's no food and even if there is I'm too scared to go out there to eat bc my parents sleep in the living room cause there's no space for them anywhere and they fight daily and if I pass by one of them I'll aggro them and get stuck in a 2 hour lecture of some alt right bullshit or terf shit or thinly veiled misogynistic or racist takes I can't stand it

You know that phrase you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink? I'm the horse. And I don't want to drink anything. I know all of my problems. I'm not working on a single project because I have no discipline and no motivation and unmedicated ADHD that's so bad it makes me wanna fucking end it. I have so many things I want to do but no drive. I'm passionate about things but not enough. I'm not going to sleep early I'm not eating or drinking I'm not exercising or doing physical therapy I'm not going for walks and getting sunlight I'm not maintaining myself beyond brushing my teeth every night, and showering when it's time to go to work and doing my job as required. I know everything I'm doing wrong. I know that what I'm doing is making everything worse. I know that I could be making it better for myself. But I dont... care anymore? I shouldn't be scratching my arms but I stopped caring about that I just want relief and I don't care the cost. I stay up late and let myself cause I just want the satisfaction of finishing this video or whatever it is I'm doing. Everything is numb. People will tell me what I need to be doing so I can stop and I'll know they're 100% correct and that I need to listen but I don't. I don't have it in me anymore for some reason. I don't know why it's so hard to just so it. I don't know. I don't know if it's executive dysfunction or depression or disassociation or what.

And thing is. I've told myself years ago I'd never kill myself. Cause like, I have so much I need to do, so much on the line, people I need to take care of, things I want to do, a lot of things to live for. I wrote down a list of things to live for that took up 2 pages, and it helped me a lot. Kept me centered and focused. I am not allowed to die because I have so much on the line. I am not allowed to.

But recently I found myself looking at this list of mine, of thinking about all these things, and... it invokes no emotion in me. I look at my long ass list of reasons to live and it does nothing for me. I don't care about them anymore??? It feels so empty. And I know that's bad. But I feel so detached and removed. I am in constant pain and constant stress and I can't lay on my right shoulder anymore cause it hurts and that sucks cause that's my favorite sleeping position, I'm always hungry and I'm always tired and I wake up at 3-4PM always and I have so many things to do to write to draw to create to record but it's not enough. It's not enough anymore. Nothing is enough. I have no drive or motivation. I don't have anything to look forward to. My goal is to move me and my siblings out of this house next year as an escape because I know this household is so unbelievably horrifically toxic and abusive that it will LITERALLY kill us if we stay here longer so I feel bad and selfish giving up before getting us out of here bc it's up to me to make sure I get us out. But I don't want to perform all this maintenance on myself anymore. I'm too lazy and cowardly to fully kill myself in one go but. I don't want to try anymore. I want to give up. I'm very very alone and I don't have irl friends and I have such a horrible way of communicating with people/friends online that I have. I keep everyone at an arms length I don't know how to be friends or reach out, I don't know how to navigate in a social space if I'm not an authority figure like a mod and that's a whole other pack of problems that comes from my inferiority complex. I don't know. I don't know. I need to say this somewhere and I'm sorry for anyone who's reading this and seeing how heavy and personal it is. I meant to stop doing this shit online already which is why I've been silent so much here but. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired. And I don't know what to do. I need help but I know that I'm the only one who can help myself because I'm the horse and I need to drink but I don't want to. I would rather drown in it. I would rather drown and I don't know what to do. I know it's bad and wrong and unhealthy all of it but I just can't stop I can't stop. I am not okay. I need help and I don't know how to get it. Nothing is accessible out here. I'm a tiger in a cage and I'm going to die here. I'm letting myself rot and decay. I'm going to die here.