#Sorry for the extremely long tags but I kind of got lost in a ramble and am now despairing all over again

[choptop-sawyer]

Hi again 😎💫 im here to dig at ur brain again bcs i. M. Aaa sorry i just love ur stuff but. I have this kinda rly specific storyline type hc area and I'd love to hear any hcs you might get from it if its at all jr thing. But um I keep sometimes thinking back to the idea of kinda, vaguely growing up in the same area as the Sawyers, being childhood friends (and being stupid 2gether, running arount the countryside, ditching school & playing in corn fields) -

But then having to leave in your late teens to school / whatever (I mean 😎 my sappy ass also thinks abt mutual pining w Bobby but you know...... nearly unrelated.......)

Then, later on (Bobbys now Chop Top, Nubbins is..... dead I guess but also >:( maybe not, the family is up to being a mess etc) returning to town to take a break from work or whatever. N meeting up w the family again, i mean, oblivious to the bullshit they get up to but.... yk

This is a bit rambly i should probs have waited to sleep but I can't get the thought of returning to the Sawyer door wearing Bobbys tie dye sweatshirt that hr borrowed u years ago and all the impact of being a former family member bc u were also kind of an outsider or whatever but also the drama of leaving so uwu sksjd

This got so long. All i wanted to ask is: sawyer family headcanons for a childhood friend returning to town after being away for years. Rip.

THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS god I love the image too of just standing in the doorway,, you're not home, you've changed a little bit, but you still fit into some of the old aspects you know so well they fit you and cover you.

Actually this is great because that fic that I swear exists has pretty much the same premise but!!! I can make this one less tragic than that one. 😎

(This is mostly Chop Top n you centric please don't mind)

Also this timeline is all fucky. I think that as soon as Chop came home from Vietnam the Sawyers had basically uprooted themselves and were living in North Texas because of the... Hardesty incident. But like can we pretend that that never happened they r still there in Newt? Just for this. (Hope you like it!)

Chop Top's Childhood Friend Returns

You don't think you would have turned out the way you did without the Sawyers.

They were the main element of your childhood, a mystery that you had to be a part of. A mystery, because they were closed off. Mistrustful. The sickness of small towns carried to the extreme, because they were mostly alone. The loneliness made them more miserable, the misery made them more isolated. A cycle, a legacy.

So it was a a miracle that you were even allowed to be apart of some of it, but you attribute that miracle to Bobby.

He seemed to think you were as much of mystery as what you thought the Sawyers were. Two kids looking through a small window into another world. But he liked that. He liked that you were something different, something new. From beyond that small world of loneliness that lived in the house.

You learned quickly that he had a desire for anything beyond that world. So he'd invite you out with him, when you were kids, to run free in the tall grass, when you got older, to drive with him to places unknown. He had a knack for finding these odd places, and he always brought you along with the music cranked up loud on the radio.

Bobby told you many times that he wanted to see the world. He had this lust for life that went beyond the restlessness of the young. He also said that he wanted to bring you along with him when he saw the world. You didn't ever mention how that always made your heart skip a beat when he said that.

Maybe you should have. But the past is the past and you can't change that.

You knew the other Sawyers too, but Bobby tended to avoid them sometimes. But occasionally, you got to hang out with them.

Nubbins was an enigma. You didn't think Nubbins was his real name. But that's the only one you heard from him, but the name situation was the least confusing thing. He was the most open person you knew. And yet you couldn't understand him, and decided at some point that you wouldn't ever. But he was fun. His energy was infectious, if he was filled with joy, you couldn't help but laugh with him too. That was Nubbins, so absent of any purposeful deceit that he was almost a mirror, you saw yourself around him, sometimes it was uncomfortable, but other times it was fun.

Bubba was the opposite. He seemed to be legitimately wary of you. Bobby once told you that Bubba didn't like to leave the house, ever. He stayed and did the chores. You wondered if he minded, being stuck with all the chores but Bobby said he didn't. It was comforting for him. Always having something set to do. You only saw him once. Nubbins had made him tag along when he needed him to hang some things from a tree. Bones from indeterminate animals, a clock with a nail through it. You don't think Nubbins actually needed Bubba to reach the branches (he climbed pretty well) but he just wanted his little brother to see his work. Bubba didn't make eye contact with you the entire time. He was wholly focused on his task of helping Nubbins. But he was gentle when he helped his brother, careful, and for that you liked him.

Drayton was... well. He was the one Bobby argued with the most. He was his brother, but with how much age between the two, it was almost hard to believe sometimes. Drayton was the one that everybody in Newt knew the most. People liked him well enough, but they said he was odd behind his back. He knew that. You don't think he trusted anything outside the insular world he and his family had existed in for years, and was at odds with Bobby because he didn't get why Bobby wanted anything to do with the world outside.

Oftentimes you would see Bobby after he and Drayton got into it. He'd be fuming, but he'd smile when he saw you. You'd leave with him whenever he came to you. These adventures were the most fun you had when you were there.

The other times you'd go off were when he'd convince you to skip school. Bobby never went himself. He didn't get the idea of all those kids sitting in classrooms for hours, doing nothing but writing and listening. Why do that when you can find things out for yourself? Get into some trouble? In his mind, he was saving you from a very boring thing.

You two knew the area around Newt well. The fields and the flat expanses were the best kind of playground. Your dreams were still set in them. A kind of sunshine filled melancholy.

Bobby told you things in the grass. His dreams yes, but his own thoughts. On music, on late night radio, on movies, on you. He perhaps thought of you as wonderful as voices on the radio, stars on the screen. He never told you that though. But your name was never far from his mouth when Bobby talked about the things he loved.

You and him loved each other as much as two kids who didn't know how to could. He was always on your mind now, with not much tangible objects to remember him with. A photograph taken by Nubbins, your faces blurred because you were laughing. A button, the pin on the back bent. A sweatshirt, which he tie dyed himself, and gave to you one night. The colors were faded. You never did get to return it.

The years away did nothing to lessen thoughts of him. No, they just blurred all together now, and the stream of the sunshine filled melancholy was almost endless. You needed a break. There was only one place you could think of that could help you with that.

So you came back. All things led back to this place eventually. Newt was dying, or dead. Didn't you see somewhere that when a ship went down, it took everything with it? You didn't want to stay for long. But you had to see all of them, you had to know that they were all not these strange figures you had dreamt up.

You went right to the house. You'd never actually been allowed inside, Bobby just always said something along the lines of 'Grandma and Grandpa are napping upstairs' or 'there's a mess' (never mind that he could care less usually about messes.) But you figured he had had a good reason. Maybe he was embarrassed.

When you knocked on the door, your heart was pounding. And that was all. Nothing happened, no indication that anyone was there. You waited, the sweatshirt was too hot but you didn't want to take it off.

Maybe you should come back another time. You were just about to turn around and leave when the door burst open, almost whacking you in the face. And there (you couldn't believe your eyes you couldn't this was a dream) he was.

Bobby had a hammer raised over his head, grinning, he was poised to swing it down, but then he saw you and he felt as if he was in a dream too.

It's been so long. He thought he made you up, a dream to carry him through misery, and you looked the part, even as you stood before him on the doorway. The light of the setting sun shone behind you, heat waves shimmered in the dusk, and you... you.

Facing each other, you stood, just staring. Over head the sky grew colorful, in the fields the grass whispered in the wind. Nothing had changed. Everything had changed. Bobby dropped the hammer and grabbed for your face, and he held it, fingers digging in so tight it hurt.

"H-hey you." He said, and fell to his knees, releasing your face. You numbly touched the marks his fingers left. Bobby still looked like a man who had seen a ghost.

You called his name, and his eyes looked lost, like he hadn't heard it in a long time. He looked up at you, and you could really get a good look at him. His face was leaner, he looked sickly and wiry, but his eyes were just as you remembered. You sank down to the porch to sit with him.

"Fuck... FUCK I didn't... I- I thought ya'd forgotten all about me... uh.. uhm. Fuck! I mean, r-really! Turnin' up out of the blue like you're some kinda... ghost or whatever... WHOA man... like, ya here to return m-my, my sweatshirt? You're wearin' it, you can keep it! You look better in it anyway... heh, fuck." He rambled on and on, hands tensing and twitching as if they were moving to touch you again, just to reaffirm your existence. Did he know how glad you were to see him? Did he know that you hadn't felt right for the longest time being away?

You forgot all about the sweatshirt, the hammer he had raised with a sadistic grin. You reached out and held one of his twitching hands, and he stilled and stopped talking. There was a peace now.

It didn't seem possible for your heart to feel this full. But it was. And by god, if this wasn't the best decision you made in your life to visit your old hometown, if only just for this moment.

Bobby stood, with your hand still in his, pulling you up. He smiled at you, and you knew you still loved him, and in your deepest heart, you knew he loved you too.

But this time around, maybe you and him could love each other right.

[seyenna]

Philza and/or Techno and/or Ranboo fic recs

just some of my fav dsmp fics, mainly phil, techno or ranboo bc i’m biased but also a bunch of sbi and others

this one goes out mainly to zablr discord my beloved

pls tell me if the links don’t work

all of these are on ao3

rating\status(complete/ongoing)\warnings\word count\misc tags

ichor flows free amongst the iron by summer_rising

T\o\violence\13k\series\gods AU

Summary:

A gods and goddesses AU of the Dream SMP, dramatized for all our benefits.

First work:

  "Two gods meeting on a mountaintop overlooking the stormy sea? Very classy, Dream, I appreciate your taste."

  Dream didn't turn to look at him, but the faint shake of his shoulders let Techno know he had heard.

  "Scar's healing up nicely, I see," Techno mumbled with a light nod of his head.

  "Mhm. Cut nice and clean. Not that I expected any less from you, of course."

   ~~

   The god of power and the god of luck meet on a mountaintop to discuss Luck's standing in the ongoing political disaster.

We're Only Young by ImperialKatwala

G\o\-\66k\series\Dream & Technoblade

It's easy to forget amid the chaos and bloodshed how similar - and how young - Dream and Technoblade really are.

And when the sun comes up, you'll find a brand new god. by SkyboxZoo

M\o\violence\19k\gods AU

Summary:

The wounds from the fight had healed nigh instantly, but the golden blood still soaked Techno’s shirt. His cloak had gotten torn off and his hair had fallen out of its pony-tail. Ichor pooled in his boots. The man left a trail of golden, bloody footprints in his wake.

old gods (new gods) by WriterWinged

T\o\-\9k\series\gods AU

Summary of first work:

Survival, Blood, Madness. Philza, Technoblade, Wilbur Soot. Three gods who have never cared for mortal life, who play with them when they want to, who kill their toys just as easily. How, then, did a mortal end up in their hands?

This House Is A Fucking Nightmare by SilverWing15

T\c\-\17k\series\sbi

Summary:

AU Where Phil isn't quite as willing to stand by while his sons drop like flies

Summary of third part (my fav):

Does lingering too long in the shadow of a god make you a god? The voices in his head seem to think so.

His brothers know he's older than them but they don't know how much

OR: Technoblade doesn't think his brothers realize how different they are from ordinary men. After all, ordinary men may fight the gods, but they don't win.

It's been a long day. by BecausePlot

G\c\-\3k\Philza & Ranboo

Summary:

Sides are bad: he knows that much. He’s seen it tear people apart time and time again, so when he decided to separate himself from Tubbo and keep his distance, he knew he was in the right.

Well. He thought he was in the right, at the time. Sitting all by himself on the steps to the Prime Path, he’s not so sure anymore.

Yes, the sides might have torn the others apart, might have made them so weak that they have no choice but to fold under Dream’s hand, but at least they aren’t lonely.

So are sides bad?

‘I don’t know.’

~*~

Or, Ranboo looks out at the ruins of L'Manburg, feeling more lost and lonely than he ever has.

But, as he soon finds, he's not as alone as he thinks.

the voices in my head, they say a lot of things by rosyasteria

-\c\violence\1k\Technoblade-centric

Summary:

Some days the voices didn’t listen. They didn’t let up. They screamed instead of whispered, relentless, assaulting his ears until they bled.

tell them i was the warmest place you knew and you turned me cold by rosyasteria

-\c\-\2k\Techonblade-centric

Summary:        

Technoblade cared. But in the end it just fucked him over.

For the majority of his life, Techno felt like less of a companion, less of a family member, and more like a weapon to be wielded. 'The Blade' they called him; never 'friend'.

It Leaves Little Time for Anything Else by mirandible

M\c\-\1k\part of series\Dream & Technoblade

Summary:

   A young man aims for the top, but fate has other plans for him. So does Technoblade, apparently.

   (Or: answering the question of “Why does Techno hide his scars if they’re supposed to be some sort of trophy? Why keep your point of pride a secret?”)

the best requiem is a bar of silence (and I'll sing it, even if I must hold back my tears) by jello12451

T\o\-\10k\Philza & Technoblade

Summary:

   He can’t help the noise of celebration that escapes him. Techno- this means that Techno’s free, and he got his horse back, and everything is alright-

  Tubbo, filled with rage at Phil’s cheers, turns and impulsively shoots an arrow.

   He doesn’t expect to hit his target.

---

  Alternatively: What if Phil didn't have a bucket of water when Tubbo shot him?

Change fate by being aggressively kind by sircantus

T\o\-\13k\sbi, Philza-centric

Summary:

   “You do understand that you’re caring for the thing meant to bring destruction and chaos to our world, right?” The woman asks, Phil looking behind him fondly as Techno grabs at the ends of his wings.

   “He’s just a child.” Phil answers distractedly, humming as his wings get gently yanked at.

   “He’s the first of three to destroy life as we know it! Shouldn’t we, well, get rid of him?!”

   “Oh, no.” Phil raises his eyes with a sharp glare. “Believe me, I have my own way of preventing the apocalypse.”

   ---

   Or, Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy are basically chaotic forces of nature, destined from birth to end the world and bring destruction. Most who hear of the tale of them are trying their best to track them down, and to end the monsters while they’re still young, still just children.

   Phil has a different plan.

   (In which Phil raises the minecraft equivalents of the anti-christ with love and support, so much so to the point where the world ending is really just a funny thought, and Phil has three kids who casually have powers that are bit more extreme than anything else in the world)

I promised you that everything would be fine by findingkairos

G\c\-\6k\Technoblade-centric

Summary:

   manifestation: (n.)

1.     an event, action, or object that clearly shows or embodies something abstract or theoretical;

2.     a version or incarnation of something or someone;

3.     an appearance of a ghost or spirit;

4.     the Blood God.

When he's young and still alone, still establishing his reputation as the immortal warrior, Technoblade makes up an imaginary friend.

Years later, the blood god is very real and very much a god: one that is prepared to do anything for their first and only friend.

the inner mechanism of a black box by Bee_4

T\c\violence, self-harm\Technoblade-centric

Summary:

   Technoblade lets himself get imprisoned for Philza’s sake. He doesn’t plan on being there long. Unfortunately, he’s underestimated Pandora’s Vault.

   There are things that will make even the Blade fall apart in due time, as it turns out.

carry all my sins by BananasofThorns

T\c\-\4k\Ranboo-centric

Summary:

Ranboo swallows. “All my armor and weapons and stuff are missing. Fundy and I were gonna go looking for them after the festival, I think.”

“I see.” Tubbo smiles again, but this time it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Well, I’m sure it’ll be fine, it’s just a festival. We could probably find someone to lend you a sword or an axe or something.”

He starts towards the stage, waving at people when they call his name, and Ranboo follows. The original panic has dulled to a cold buzz in his chest, but apprehension still wraps itself around his body like chains. He doesn’t like being without his armor and tools; he feels too exposed, and if something happens, he’ll be helpless.

“Ranboo?” Tubbo calls, glancing back.

Ranboo shakes his head and hurries to catch up. “Yeah, it’ll be fine,” he repeats. “Everything’s gonna be fine."

Tubbo grins. “That’s the spirit.”

Rule 5: be loyal. L'manberg doesn't do well with supposed traitors. Ranboo deals with the consequences.

Sojourn by Lacy_Star

T\o\-\13k\Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

“Well…” Ranboo started slowly, “You see, uh… I kinda… don’t have a house anymore, obviously. Um… Phil found me in—“ He paused, cutting himself off and squinting at the floorboards— very discreet, “Phil… found me. And… um… He said I could stay by you guys. Like, um, by the dog house he wants to build?” He paused, then began to ramble, “But, uh, if you don’t want me here, I understand— and I’m sorry for coming in your house when you weren’t here, I swear I didn’t touch anything— it was just cold outside and—“

Techno just stared at him. And how, how was this the second time this had happened to him? How was this the second time he returned home after battle to discover an injured teenage boy waiting for him, seeking assistance with nowhere to go? And how badly had that ended last time, in nothing but betrayal and insults?

---

AKA: Phil drags a half-enderman home after Doomsday, and Techno decides that they can keep it. For now.

can an axe count as rent? by aboutfivebees

T\c\-\4k\Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

Ranboo’s struggling to settle into his new life on the Arctic Anarchist Commune, but at least he’s got bread.

or the struggles of an enderman hybrid to come up with a housewarming gift to give to his friends, who are just trying to adopt him

The Caged Bird Sings of Freedom by StarPrince_Punk

T\o\-\25k\Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

The Blade's stance was still tense, his body prepared to fight at a moment’s notice if need be. “What’s your name?” Phil asked “My… name?” The Blade asked. “Yeah. Your name isn’t actually The Blade, right? That’s like a stage name?” Phil tried to keep his tone light. “What’s your real name?” The Blade hesitated. “No one… No one’s called me by my name in a long time.” ------- When Phil comes across Ranboo in his panic room after L'Manberg's destruction, it reminds him of when he first met Technoblade. And just like when he met Techno, Phil's first instinct is that he has to help this kid. While living together, Techno and Ranboo learn that they're much more similar than they had previously thought, and Phil learns that it's not too late for him to be a better dad.

This already feels like more of a home by H3118ENDER

T\o\violence, death\18k\Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

As the ashes of L'Manberg settle the conflict continues to come to life setting the stage for a new wave of blood shed. Stuck slam in the middle of past and present friends Ranboo is coming to learn that even without nations to their names feelings and feuds don't die but people, people do.

A Shadow of a Shadow by unappetizingegg

T\c\-\4k\ Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

There were a few beats of silence, and then- “What are your plans, now? Do you need a place to stay?”

That caught him off guard. Surely he’d heard incorrectly. Phil was offering him a home, right after he’d orchestrated the destruction of his past one? It didn’t make any sense, none of it did. Why would Phil say that?

Then he remembered, he remembered Techno stopping him in the fight. He remembered being handed his book, the question in Techno’s gaze. He swore, in that moment, Technoblade, the Technoblade, had been worried about him. He remembered that he had been told to leave, to run, to get away and preserve himself. He had spared him, he remembered that Techno had spared him.

Techno had helped him. Phil had tried to protect him, to get him away from the danger.

They were there for him.

 ---

alternatively:

Ranboo is alone. But he really isn't.

Meritocracy by oddsbodkins

G\o\-\18k\Dream & Technoblade, sbi, medieval AU

Summary:

Dream is more successful than he'd ever imagined - but there's one thing that's been bothering him. Technoblade, his biggest rival, the Acolyte of the Blood God and King of the Arena, went missing last spring, just before Dream got the chance to duel him. Without that one achievement to pave his way, all the following victories have felt cheap.

So, Dream hired some goons to dig Technoblade up and pester him into coming back to the Capitol, for one last showdown. Easy enough, right?

Interlude I: "Promises to Keep" by Ozzyyy

T\c\-\1k\part of a series\Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

These woods are lovely, dark, and deep But I have promises to keep

And miles to go before I sleep And miles to go before I sleep.

--

Techno has a plan. It's crazy. It's insane, it's actually just batshit bonkers. But if chaos cannot be enjoyed together, then what's it worth, yeah? There's a certain beauty in watching the world burn from the center of the flames. Phil intends to be there.

I Don't Want To Start A Fight (wouldn't you rather start a riot?) by KryOnBlock

T\c\violence, death\15k\Technoblade & Philza & Ranboo

Summary:

An universal ping rang out from behind him, the third and final he knew, and Phil sobbed, clutching the body tighter.

Techno didn’t move.

It always has been Technoblade and Philza, Philza and Technoblade. Take on half, and you shall never go back.

Sheltered by Lulatic

G\c\-\6k\Ranboo & Technoblade

Summary:

It was cold outside. But Techno never heard Ranboo complain.

That was the best excuse he could muster to keep him out.

Antarctic Princes 'verse by BirchWrites

T\o\-\15k\series\sbi

Summary:

Loosely-connected one shots set in an AU where the Antarctic Empire and the Dream SMP are in the same world. Ordered chronologically, but each fic can be read as a standalone thing

Summary of first part:

Oh shit. Forget arrested; Dream’s going to have to tell Wilbur that he watched Tommy get stabbed for being terminally stupid.

May we cross paths again by QueenLunaFreed

G\c\-\1k\Dream & Technoblade

Summary:

“Even if tomorrow it’s just us versus the entire server, Dream, I’m telling you right now - I have confidence.”

---

Dream couldn’t comprehend the pacing contradiction in front of him, the weakness he could clearly see, but would never comment on. Because this man has been defying Dream's expectations since they first met, because despite them not being friends and having no reason to trust each other, Dream knew that Technoblade is the only person who he’d trust to do this right. To destroy L'Manberg alongside him yet again, this time for real.

leave me your starlight by findingkairos

T\o\-\18k\Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

For you the world, Phil.

Once upon a time, Philza Minecraft is the only person who does not shy away from the bloody teen that regularly turns the tide of war.

This cements a friendship that will last wars, empires, worlds, and lifetimes.

 ---

(Featuring: Back to Back Badasses, healthy relationships, accidental deification, intentional world domination, and Phil's past coming back to haunt his best friend.)

[picassho-18]

Art of Fire (III)

Zuko x Reader; Part 3; 1.4k words

Series summary: The recently crowned Fire Lord Zuko meets a new friend of his Uncle’s, a special fire bender that quickly grabs his interest over a cup of tea and the discussion of the arts. 

ALL CURRENTLY POSTED PARTS: Part 1   Part 2   Part 3    Part 4

It was the next morning, early enough that the sun was still rising, the buildings casted in a partial light. You were busy in the back of your shop, starting to work on other commissions for your little business before heading to the Royal Palace. You didn’t want to acknowledge it but you were beyond excited to see Zuko again. Even if he was probably the most awkward person to be Lord of the Fire Nation.

Your mind was completely focused on the current piece you were working on. It was a highly detailed koi fish, so you sat at your easel, a blue-tipped orange flame emitting from your pointer finger as you shaded the scales. Lost in concentration, with your face scrunched up staring closely at the wood panel, you didn’t hear or see the figure walking into the shop.

It wasn’t until he cleared his throat loudly that you looked up, the flame quickly dispersing from your fingertip.

It was Zuko, standing at the entry of your shop. A sheepish smile shown on his face, as you quickly took in his attire. The Fire Lord was wearing commoner clothes, with a large brimmed hat partially covering his face. If you hadn't met Zuko before in his armour and royal gear, you would not have noticed anything off about him. Even though he always looked so confident in his royal amour, with purpose and poise, he appeared to be almost carefree, relaxed in these kinds of clothes. Although, he was acting mighty awkwardly, just standing at the entrance of your shop.

After clearing his throat, he gave you a small wave, “Hello, Y/N.”

“Uhh, hi!” you smiled, unsure of his presence and of what you should do.

He continued, walking a little further into the shop, “Well um, sorry to interrupt your artwork, but today my Uncle gave me a little gift. He, uh, gave me the day off so he’s standing in as Fire Lord today. The role has been really weighing on me and I am pretty young for all the work and knowledge it requires, and…”

Zuko trailed off, realizing he was rambling. He had been looking everywhere around the shop besides at you, so when he finally made eye-contact, you gave him an encouraging smile.

He grinned slightly, looking down at his feet, “So yeah, I don’t really get these kinds of days, and was hoping, that uh, you would like to spend it with me?”

After he finally asked his question he stared at you, worry sparkling in his eyes, wondering what your response would be. It took a second for you to digest the question; You were simply surprised he would ask you of all people to join him.

Not before long, a huge smile, ear to ear, flashed on your face, immediately putting Zuko at ease. “I would love to!” You got up, putting all your materials away in a rush, before turning to him again, giggling, “By the way, I love the little disguise you have going on.”

He blushed, rubbing the back of his neck, “Yeah, uh, I like to get out of my uniform whenever I’m not doing anything official.”

“Of course, so what kinds of clothes should I be wearing? Is this okay?” Without thinking, you twirled around, showing your attire, a pair of black leather pants, boots, and a work shirt. You didn’t see him blushing even more when you had turned around.

“Uh, yeah! That would be fine.”

Alright, you bounded over to the Fire Lord, though with how he was acting and his attire, you sort of forgot, and began to lose the rigidity you would usually have around authority and royals, especially the rigid awkwardness you’ve had around him before.

“Where are we off to?” you asked cheerfully, looking up at Zuko.

He grinned down at you, almost cheekily, “I have a place in mind. It’s not too far, we can walk.”

As you began to walk through the streets, an easy conversation struck up between you two. Zuko had explained that he had seen his Uncle that morning, as he was opening up his shop, to find where your own was.

You had chuckled at that, thinking of that cocky grin Iroh had worn when he found out you liked his nephew. “Your Uncle seems to be a very unique man.”

“He is, indeed.” Zuko has nodded in agreement, “He is the wisest person I know. He’s saved me multiple times throughout my life, whether it was from myself or others, he has always been supportive and there for me.”

You hummed, thinking back to the stories that Iroh had told you before you knew that Zuko was the nephew he had been talking about.

“He is extremely proud of you.”

Zuko cocked his head at your statement, before you continued, “Before I knew that you were his nephew, he told me stories of you. Whenever he talks of you, the biggest smile graces his face, always talking about how much you’ve overcome and proud he is of you. It’s obvious he loves you as if you were his own son. It is quite lovely to see, honestly.”

At your words, Zuko choked up, his eyes watering ever so slightly. Alarmed, you looked at him, before stopping him from walking forward, and putting a calming hand on his shoulder.

Quietly, you whispered leaning closer to him, “Are you okay? I’m sorry if I said something.”

He shook his head, looked down at the ground shamefully, “I’ve just done many bad things to my Uncle and it shocks me every time to hear things like that. That he has forgiven me completely for my past.”

You knew of the Fire Lord’s past. Anyone in the Fire Nation knew the stories of the banished prince and his hunt for the Avatar. His betrayals and anger. Yet before you now, all you saw was a man trying to become better. For his family and for his Nation. Who was already better yet trying to improve even more.

A single tear fell down from his scarred eye, and before he could whip it away without you seeing, you reached forward and cupped his face, rubbing the tear away with your thumb, your hand resting on his scarred face soothingly. He turned to you, eyes widening in shock at your actions. And honestly, you were shocked that you had done it yourself. 

With your voice still soft and low, you reassured him, “Your Uncle really is proud of you. And so am I. You deserved to rule this Nation. And I’m not saying that because it’s your birthright, but because you have overcome many things to become a man that would make this Nation proud.”

He smiled weakly at you, before he nodded his head, as if trying to convince himself of those words. Your hand fell to your side, immediately losing the warmth that you hadn’t even realized was radiating off of his skin.

With his face still close to yours, he whispered  “Thank you.” 

Yet when you still heard his voice hurting so bad, you made a second rash decision. Quickly, you pulled him into a tight hug, wrapping your arms around his neck, his hat knocked off in the process. He stiffened at your touch, but soon, his arms lifted and wrapped around your lower back.

He was practically clinging to you, forgoing any personal space as he tucked his face into the side of your neck. Zuko tried to keep his emotions in check, but his breathing deepened, trying to hold back more tears as your one of your hands began to rub the back of his head soothingly, your fingers winding through his long, messy hair.

His voice shuddered again, as he whispered another “Thank you” into your skin. All you could do was nod as your heart began to break even more for the anguished man in front of you.

After his breathing settled, and he regained composure, Zuko pulled away, clearing his throat. You smiled reassuringly at him, pulling away as well.

Trying to lift his mood you asked, you grabbed his hat and handed it to him, flashing to biggest smile possible, trying to channel your cheerfulness into him, “So where is this place you’re taking me?”

The sadness in his eyes slowly seeped away, a calmness overtaking them. The idea of his one free day quickly overshadowing the past. Zuko grinned at you, beginning to walk again with you following, “It’s a surprise. You’ll just have to wait and see.”

***

Part 4 has been requested!

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[whyyoudothistomecavill]

Don't - Chapter 1

Hello everyone! This is my first time writing fanfiction. Chapter one is an introduction to the kind of relationship the characters have and, in future chapters I will fill in the gaps left in this part.

But first, let's see how this one goes.

Feedback is greatly appreciated.

I took the name from a song written by Jewel. Go and listen to it. Trust me, after the first verse, THAT person will pop in your head. Never fails.

Before we jump in, there's a few people I need to thank:

@littlefreya for helping me with the editing since I don't have a beta yet, for encouraging me knowing what a big deal this is for me, and for all the things you already know. I'll always be in your debt.

@mary-ann84 for making me feel welcome since day one and putting up with me and my annoying questions at any time of day. Girl, you deserve an award for patience.

@radaofrivia for taking the time to read my ramblings and giving me the reassurance I needed. For showing up out of nowhere when I was almost defeated by my lack of tumblr comprehension and explained everything to me with the patience of a kindergarten teacher. Greek god Henry sent you my way, I have no doubt.

There aren't words enough to express how big of an inspiration all of you are to me. To be able to call you my friends, fills my heart with extreme joy and gratitude. So again THANK YOU.

I took the liberty to tag some people, to some I asked for their permission, to others I didn't, so if this bothers you in any way, just message me and I'll fix it, there's absolutely no obligation and I won't be offended.

With that being said, let's get to the point.

Title: Don't

Pairing: Henry x female reader.

Word count: 1682

Warnings: Angst, fluff, and if you squint your eyes you might find a bit of smut.

Summary: Henry and reader are a couple living together for 1 year. Reader have struggled with self esteem issues and insecurities her whole life and when she met Henry, she thought she had left all that in the past, but certain events made her realize that her soul is far from being healed.

Disclaimer: This is an original work of fiction written by me. Please don't post it anywhere else without my permission. Reblogs here are welcomed of course. Thank you.

"Are you ok, darling?"

"Yes, honey"

"Are you sure? You don't seem ok"

"I'm ok, Hen," you smiled, "I'm just tired. I wanna get home, have a shower and then go to bed"

He didn't seem convinced but he didn't ask again. The rest of the ride home was silent, you looked out the window and prayed for the strength to act like everything was normal, while he concentrated on the road and hummed along to the radio.

But you knew better. You knew that this man, the most gorgeous man on earth, the man you called your boyfriend, the man every woman (and a lot of men too), thirsted for, was also the smartest, the most affectionate and that he paid attention to every single thing, especially you. He could notice the smallest change in your demeanor, he could tell when something was wrong and this time was no difference. He was just giving you time to process whatever it was upsetting you before you could talk to him, but in no way was he buying the "just tired" bs. And you knew it.

You entered the house and discarded your shoes and purse. Henry was taking Kal out of the car and into the house when you said "I'm gonna take a shower," and quickly rushed upstairs without waiting for an answer, you needed to be alone so desperately.

You got into the bathroom and took your clothes off without even glancing in the mirror, you didn't want to see anybody, much less yourself.

The hot water was bliss to your sore muscles, too bad it didn't make a difference to the pain in your heart. You rested your forehead into the tiled wall and felt the water gently massaging your back and legs. You were so immersed in your thoughts that you didn't hear the bathroom door being open. Henry was already behind you, his strong hands caressing your back as light as a feather and his mouth on your ear, "may I join you?"

You turned around and looked at him, at those eyes bluer than the sky itself, at those curls that did things to you just by looking at them, and that smile, the most perfect and genuine smile you had ever seen, it was literally impossible not to smile back at him, it was contagious.

He didn't wait for an answer, he lowered himself to put his arms around your waist as you put yours around his neck and kissed you deeply and tenderly. You knew he did that so you wouldn't have to be on your tiptoes to kiss him, he was so damn considerate and perfect it infuriated you sometimes.

So you closed your eyes and kissed him like there was no tomorrow, he sensed the heat in your kiss and grabbing your behind, lifted you up still kissing you, putting your back against the wall. You instinctively wrapped your legs around him and he broke the kiss to look at you, his hair was tousled all over from the water and your hands. His lips were swollen from the kissing and his eyes were dark with lust but also full of love. Oh,so much love.

"What do you want?" He said, "Tell me. What do you need? I'm here, I'm yours".

Something inside of you broke, it was too much. "I want you, Henry. I need you. Now. Inside of me. Please".

He didn't wait for you to ask again, maneuvering you as if you weighed nothing, he made you descend on his length without breaking eye contact, until you were completely full of him. He started to move, slowly and leisurely making you moan and clung to him for dear life.

He didn't know about the battle that was going on inside you. You wanted him to crawl within you and fill the emptiness eating your soul, you wanted to hold him and never let go, you wanted to stop time. Or maybe go back in time, or just disappear. But for the time being you were just grateful for the water running over both of you, not letting Henry notice that your tears were running as well.

Even if you were shattered inside, your body would always succumb to him, there was no point in resisting, and as he kept moving in and out of you, whispering sweet nonsenses in your ear, the orgasm hit you like a thunder lightning crying out his name, his release following moments later triggered by your loud moans.

He held you still between him and the wall while you both recovered your breath, filling your neck with open mouthed kisses.

He lowered you and you held him tightly, putting your head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. It always soothed you. You both stayed that way under the shower in silence, until you started to feel the boiling inside you rising again. "I'm gonna get the towels" you said, "I got it" said he and with a swift move of his long arms, he reached for the towels and started drying you, hair first, then your body, slowly, caressing every inch of it and leaving light kisses everywhere his hands would pass.

He was kneeling in front of you, drying your legs and slowly going up, your eyes were fixated on him and his movements, not saying a word. He looked up, saw you staring, and reaching up, caressed your face so softly it made you lean your head in his hand, closing your eyes. It was like time stopped and you were there alone just savoring that moment, keeping it in your memory forever and you couldn't help the single tear rolling down your cheek into his hand...

When you opened your eyes, you saw the look of concern on his face, "What is it baby? What's wrong?"

You needed to make a choice, so you chose the truth. At least the one truth that wouldn't hurt him: "I love you so much".

"And that makes you cry?"

You chuckled a little, "No, I sometimes get overwhelmed by all these feelings, I'm sorry for being so sensitive" you said, wiping your eyes and smiling through tears.

He stood up and crashed your lips with his, taking you by surprise and lifting you up, carrying you like a bride to your bed.

He got in too, cuddling you from behind and you intended to get up to find one of his t-shirts, your go-to pajamas since day one with him, but he stopped you with his arm around your waist and pulled you against him, your back on his chest, your naked bodies molding perfectly together under the sheets.

You clutched his hand in yours, closed your eyes and tried to ease your racing heart.

His voice took you back to reality:

"Look at me, love"

You turned around in his arms just enough to look him in the eyes, and it surprised you to see, his were a little watery too.

"I love you" he whispered. "I love you like I never thought it was possible to love someone. You have brought to my life the hope that my tired heart believed was lost. I want to spend every minute of every day with you and when my work keeps us apart, I can't wait to share with you every detail of my day. You know sometimes..." he paused, smiling and looking away, "sometimes I have to tell myself *get it together Cavill! You're a grown man acting like a teenager*, but that's what you do to me" he said looking at you again and caressing your lips with his thumb, "You're my fuel, my reason, you're my last thought when I go to sleep and my first one when I wake up, and I'm so grateful to have you that sometimes I'm scared to think that I don't express it enough for you to actually get a glimpse of how happy you make me. That's why I might seem a little clingy around you... I love you and I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything, that I'm always here for you, it doesn't matter if I'm working or doing anything else, you are my priority, ok?"

You were a crying mess by now and watching his red eyes trying so hard not to cry, wasn't helping.

"Ok?" he said again, clearly demanding an answer from you.

But your words wouldn't come out. How? How could you tell him? How on earth was he supposed to imagine that he had chosen the worst possible moment to tell you this?

So again you settled for the truth, the only indisputable truth you could give him, and nodding you took his face in your hands and kissed him, pulling him on top of you.

He engulfed you in his arms and broke the kiss to breathe, you covered his face with light kisses tasting the salt of his tears which only added more sorrow to your battered soul.

"Make love to me," you said against his lips. He looked at you through hooded eyes and went for the spot on your neck he knew drove you crazy.

This was the truth. The fact that when you were together you couldn't tell where each of you ended and the other began. The absolute certainty of loving him with every fiber of your being, knowing you could never love anyone else this much, not even in a thousand lives. You never hid it. It was impossible to...

A few hours later, you were watching him peacefully asleep, his features even more beautiful in the dim morning light. You carefully kissed him and placed your head on his chest, he held you tighter against him and said something that sounded like "I love you". "I love you too" you said, granting him again the truth you couldn't deny.

The unspoken truth however, the one he was about to learn, was that in fact, the one you didn't love... was yourself.

Tag list:

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[devinescribe]

Games

Chapter 7 to '100 Promises'

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Warnings: Swearing, violence, bullying, blood, I think that's it, but as always feel free to tell me if I missed any.

"I finally got contact lenses. I think they'll be better than my glasses. I mean, yeah, I'll probably still use them, but it's... nevermind, what do you think?" He rambled, a dorky smile on his face. "If it'll make you happy, then you look great," you said, smiling, honestly meaning your words. "I'm asking for your opinion woman, stop giving me the 'if it makes you happy' bullshit. Give me your opinion," he stated, shaking your shoulders."It looks good! I'm not used to seeing you without your glasses, but you look good!" You laughed, your words coming out in a vibrato of sorts from him shaking you. "I'm glad you think so."

"Dear gods my hair is getting long..." he muttered, running his hands through his hair, staring at himself in the bathroom mirror. "I think it looks good," you commented, passing by the bathroom with a laundry basket. "Really? I think I kind of like it too..."

"And how much does it hurt?" He questioned. "Not that much, or so I've heard. Plus, we're getting it at the same time, so... no backing out, or I'll cut your hair," you threatened, your hold on his hand tightening a bit. "No, don't you dare. And I won't back out," he said as you dragged him into the shop. (The fact I've been threatened with that-)

"I somehow can't believe we looked like that!" You laughed, pointing at the photo on your phone. It was from high school, and you were both laughing at how dorky you both looked. "Oh gods... actually, I was kind of hot," you said, giggling a bit. "Have we really changed that much?" Niragi questioned. "Well, let's see," you said, opening the camera and telling Niragi to get into frame. He did so, and you both stuck out your tongues, the matching piercings glinting in the light. You snapped the photo, and put it side by side the one from high school. "Wow... that's a big difference, holy shit," he laughed. You snickered, and posted side by side comparison of the the photos. "Yeah. Huge difference."

"Hatter would like to see you... Alone."

You looked back at Ann, and nodded, getting up. "If she's going, I'm going with," Niragi said, getting up himself. "He said he wants to speak to (Y/N) alone. Respect to rules for once please," Ann chided, as you walked to her side. Niragi laughed, finishing with a smirk, "And since when do I listen to the rules?"

You looked back at him with a proud, yet embarrassed face. Definitely not the same Niragi from back in the real world. He was more confident than you last remembered, that was for sure. "Dude, I'll be totally fine. The least they could do is kill me," you said, a bit to nonchalantly for his tastes. "That seems like a worse case scenario, but ok." he responded, "I'm still going with you." "No, you're not. Look, I'll be fine ok? Just wait outside the door," you suggested. He scoffed, but nodded nontheless. Ann stayed quiet, watching this exchange. 'So... is that all it takes to convince him? Really? All we needed was this girl?' Were her thoughts.

"Oh good, you're here!" Hatter exclaimed as soon as you walked in. Ann stayed outside, and shut the doors behind you. You nodded. Was he happy or just extremely charismatic? You didn't know, but whatever it was, it was nice. It made you feel like you were talking to someone you knew. Like the pleasant ladies from your apartment complex. "Well, what do you want to talk about?"

"Where are we?" You asked as you got off the train. "I don't know. Just took a random train. You said you wanted another adventure," he replied. You gasped. "Niragi Suguru, you did not," you said, grabbing onto his hand to make sure you didn't lose him in the large crowd. "I did. And what of it?" He asked, dragging you out. "Oh my gods... Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but which city are we in?" You asked one of the people who worked there. They smiled and answered with, "Shinjuku. Are you lost?"  You shook your head. "No, we'll be fine. Thank you very much!" You said. Niragi dragged you to the exit. "I don't look presentable to be in Shinjuku right now, Niragi," you said, hiding your face. "You always look nice though. And it's called opportunity. I took it, and now we're here. So, let's take advantage of this, yeah?"

Hatter sat you down. "From what Ann and Aguni reported back to me, you're a quick thinker. Great shot apparently. They were both very impressed," he started. You smiled. "I'm honored they felt that way," you said. Hatter chuckled. "Well, Ann said you'd do well in either position of a militant or an executive. And it's just your luck the precious person who held number 7 recently... died. The games, obviously. Before you came here, actually. Maybe it was a sign it was meant to be yours. And, since you've proven yourself useful, I think it's a good idea," Hatter said, rambling a bit. "That's a bit too high for me, isn't it?" You questioned. You had just gotten here, you couldn't possibly be up that high already. "Uh... no. It's not. So, as of today, you shall be a militant," he said dramatically. You laughed, thanking him as he gave you a wristband with the number seven written on the blue tag. You slipped it on your wrist. "Oh, and just so you know, Aguni will most likely take you under his wing. The militants are mostly guys, so be careful. And... uh... your friend can help you find everything. He'll also show you to your new room. That is all. Goodbye now," he said cheerfully. You smiled brightly, thanking him.

You opened the door to leave, seeing Niragi leaning on the wall across the door. You smiled, closing the door softly behind you. "I'm back," you said. He nodded, "I can see that." "Can you really? You have your contact lenses?" You asked, skeptical. He nodded his head. "Surprisingly," he added. "Hmm... and for how many more days do you have them?" You questioned as he led you through the hotel. "Well, I've been in the borderland about 2 and a half weeks-"

"Woah, hold up... you'd been gone for six months up in the real world-"

"Well, I'm starting to think time runs differently in both places. Because no way in hell have I been here 6 months."

"Ok... continue on."

You two talked about whatever came to mind just like you used to. It was like you never skipped a beat. He lead you down into where they kept the weapons. "Only milatants and Hatter are allowed down here. This is the basement, and also where we keep the weapons. So, take your pick," he said, a smirk on his face. "You're a bit to proud of this aren't you?" You asked, looking over the different weapons. "Maybe," he responded. You didn't have to look at him to know he was smirking, you could just hear it in his voice. You picked out a knife that had a strap around. You also picked up a riffle similar to Niragi's, and turned to face him. "Ok, I'm good," you said. "Tomorrow, the militants are heading out on a supply run. Which means you now too. You can wear actual clothes now, isn't that fun?" He joked. You rolled your eyes shoving him playfully. He ran his tongue over his teeth. "That's really how you want to play, huh (L/N)?" He asked. You could hear the tone behind his words. The tone that meant run or your fucked, because whatever game he's scheming will end with you caught. It was quite normal for you two. Playing games with each other was a hobby back in the real world. Didn't matter how childish or immature they were. "Ouch, my last name? That hurts... Suguru." (Is that his last name or his first name? I don't know, I've been treating it as his last name, but I'm probably wrong) You giggled, running off. There was probably tons of places to hide inside the basement, and probably even more places throughout the beach.

"How was last night? Did you have fun?" He teased as soon as you woke up. You rolled your eyes. "Don't even talk to me about last night. Another disappointment," you groaned, rubbing your eyes. "Damn. That bad, huh?" He said, handing you a mug with coffee in it. You took a sip, and smiled. Perfect... He always made really good coffee, and it impressed you. "Yeah... definitely that bad. I heard him leave this morning, let's hope he never comes back," you said. Niragi laughed, taking a sip of his own coffee. The sunlight came in through the sliding glass door of your apartment.  The sky was painted with pinks and purples. Gold dusted the clouds as the sun touched them. It was perfectly picturesque. "One day, we won't have to live in a sucky apartment building, you know? I promise you that one day we'll have... I don't know where do you want to live?" He asked you. You both walked over to the couch, sitting next to eachother. "I don't know... I'd go anywhere as long as I can still have my best friend with me.''

"Come on out, (Y/N). I'll find you sooner or later. We need sleep," he shouted. You stifled a laugh, and crouched down, sneaking around. You could see him looking around for you. You moved backwards, bumping into someone. You slowly turned around. It was the guys Niragi had introduced as 'Last Boss'.

Throughout the day, you had actually had the opportunity to talk to him a bit. More like you talked, while he observed you, occasionally making a sound of sorts to show you he was listening. He'd also answered your questions, so you thought he wouldnt be that bad. You made the quiet signal, putting a finger to your lips. He looked down quizzically. "Playing a game. Can't let him find me. Wanna join?" You whispered to the mysterious man. He nodded slightly, still a bit confused. "Ok, the objective is to not get caught by Niragi. He doesn't know you're playing yet, so I'll figure something out... oh, I got it! You go hide," you whisper shouted, shooing him off. He went to go hide, and you climbed to the top of one of the darker places. "A new player has joined in. One seeker, two hiders!" You shouted. You heard Niragi laugh. "Dumbass! You're letting me know where you are!"  You smirked. That's what you wanted him to think.

"Oh nice! You got his glasses that's 20 points!" The boys shouted. You struggled to get out of the ropes tied your hands together. You heard Niragi groan, and looked up, seeing him on the floor, blood dripping from his nose. "Niragi!" You shouted in worry. He looked over at you, before one of the guys kicked his face into the ground. You struggled against the ropes the boys had tied around your wrist. It dug into your skin, you could feel the skin being rubbed raw from how much you had struggled against them ."So useless without eachother, huh?" One of them taunted. "Stop hurting him!" You yelled, squirming. "Oh? Would you rather we harm you then? You were always such a pretty girl... to bad you decided to defend him," the leader of their little group said, kneeling in front of you. "I don't give a damn if you hurt me. Stop hurting him!' You shouted. "(Y-y/N), don't," Niragi said, before one of the bullies kicked him in the stomach. He winced in pain, screwing his eyes shut. "Stop it! He didn't do anything to you!" You screamed, struggling even more, the ropes creating rope burn on your skin. "It's not a vengeance thing. It's fun," the leader said, grabbing your chin, making you look up at him. You glared at him in disgust, wanting so badly to just hit him, or spit on him in the moment. But you didn't. You didn't because you knew if you did either you or Niragi would get hurt. More likely Niragi, since they knew he was your weakness. "Just like it's fun making girls like you submit," he added with a smirk. "Don't you dare hurt her! Hurt me all you want, but don't touch her!" Niragi yelled. There was confidence in his words, but you also knew how scared he was. You could see it on his face. "That sounds boring though. What if we just make both of you our little puppets for the night, have you both put on a show?'' One of the guys snickered. This was followed by a chorus of 'not a bad idea' and 'sounds interesting.' You looked at Niragi, fear written all over your face.

You ran quietly, and quickly, knowing he could catch up to you. You looked around the dimly lit basement, and saw the exist to go up. Your eyes caught a flash of movement, and someone grabbed you, putting a hand over your mouth. You were shocked at first, going to scream bloody murder, before seeing it was Last Boss. He let you go, and you took a breath. "Oh my gods... dude that was scary," you whispered. He shrugged. "I have a place we can hide. I don't think he's smart enough to find it," He suggested, nodding his head over to Niragi. You stifled a laugh, and nodded, letting him lead you.

"(Y/N)! (Y/N), are you alright?" He worriedly asked, checked on you. You hissed in pain when his hands went over the bruises. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault, if I hadn't-" he started, blaming himself. You grabbed shoulders, and shook your head. "It's not your fault... it's ok," you said, sitting up. The gravel under you poked at the skin exposed from your school skirt. "I-its not ok!" He shouted. "It's... it's not ok. You shouldn't have- I could've-" he started, pulling at his hair. "Niragi. It's not your fault. You didn't... you didn't hurt me," you said, your voice calming. You grabbed his hands, pulling them towards you. You were just kids. Fucking 16 years old(not exactly a kid, but whatever), you shouldn't have to go through this stuff. No kid should. "I should be comforting you, yet here you are, making me feel better. Stop it, you're the one who-"

"Niragi, it happened to both of us. Stop acting like you're ok too."

"But- I'm supposed to... I-"

"Shut up, and come here."

He sighed, sitting besides you. You pulled his head into your lap, and he sighed. "Stop taking care of me. Stop hanging out with me, because you're the one who ends up getting hurt because of me. Please," he pleaded as you ran your fingers through his hair. "No," you responded. "(Y/N), stop being so stubborn! Please, just... just listen to me!" He shouted. You flinched at the sudden loudness. "I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you," he apologized, noticing when you flinched. You sighed, leaning back on the concrete wall. You muttered back something along the lines of him not having to apologize. You heard thunder, and saw a flash of lightning. "It's going to rain, we should go home," Niragi said. "Don't wanna... let's stay here?" You muttered, watching the sun get covered by the clouds. You were under a bridge, so you at least had coverage. He looked up at you, and nodded. "Ok. We can," he whispered. The raindrops began to splatter on the ground outside the coverage of the bridge, and you sighed in happiness. Niragi sat up, bringing you close to him. The smell of rain filled your senses, and you couldn't help but enjoy the moment, even if you had been in emotional and physical pain before. Being there helped numb it for a while. Being with him helped numb the feeling.

"Alright... if I were (Y/N)... where would I go?" Niragi muttered to himself, walking around. It was too quiet. You weren't a quiet person unless need be, and if he remembers correctly, which he does, you had a losing streak in hide and seek since high school. You were too giggly to hide in silence, or maybe you got scared by being alone in the dark to long. Whatever it had been, you had a losing streak for almost 8 years. That was not about to change, not if he had a say in it. A part of him said he was not acting like himself, and that playing this with you was childish. Especially in the borderlands. He knew he would have to find you either way, so he stopped caring. He remembered what she had said. A new player has joined in. One seeker, two hiders! 'Ok, process of elimination....'

"So, given the fact Chishiya isn't allowed down here, I think I know who she's with, and where she is. Let's see if I'm right.''

This was more memories than actual current events... oh well- hope you enjoyed, have a wonderful day/night, baii!! Oh yeah, just because this is the only place people have a problem with me posting Niragi stuff, if you don't like it, the block button is right there, don't send me death threats or tell me to go kms. Thank you

[jeezlouiisee]

Invisible  Part 3

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for your patience you have no idea how much it means to me. This chapter doesn’t have any JJ or Pope, just the girls! I hope you enjoy!

For any new comers this pairing is JJ X READER X POPE. which is basically a love triangle right now. Don’t be afraid to ask to be added to the tag list. Thanks so much! 

This is not my gif, if it is yours please let me know so I can give you credit.

Summary:  You were always quiet and shy, until you lost your mother who always encouraged you to put yourself out there. So you do and you’ve caught the eyes of two Pogues

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Cursing, panic attack

You didn’t understand. You truly couldn’t understand.

 “W-Why didn’t you tell me? You just assumed? Assumed that I didn’t like JJ? You don’t know how I felt! How I feel now. You told him no because mom died? Don’t you think that might be the reason why I needed someone?”  You were angry, extremely angry.

 “Y/N...” Your sister sighed, taking a step towards you which caused you to take a step back. 

 “Don’t. How could you keep something like this from me? Why didn’t he tell me.. I don’t...” You started to breathe heavily,  putting a hand on your chest.

 “I can’t talk to you about this right now.” You quickly turned around and went to your room, closing and locking the door. You sat on your bed and stared at your phone. You needed to talk to someone, someone who wasn’t your sister. Yet you couldn’t get yourself to call JJ or Pope. So you settled for someone else. You put the phone to your ear and listened to it ring, over and over.

 “Hello?” 

“Sarah? Can we talk? I’m kind of freaking out.” Your voice was definitely shaking. 

 “What do you mean? Freaking out about what?” She sounded a bit worried.

 “It’s a really long story but can we go somewhere to talk? Like the beach or something.” Your voice sounded a bit desperate when you asked her. 

 “Oh yeah okay sure. Give me a few.” Once you two finished the call you definitely started pacing, mumbling to yourself at what to do. When you got the text telling you Sarah was here you walked out of your room, pausing when you saw your sister. 

“Y/N talk to me.” Shelby had two bowls of ice cream out, she always tried using ice cream to cheer you up.

 “About what? The fact that you kept this huge secret from me for years? I can’t talk about it right now. Can you give me some time?” Your sister sighed, running her fingers through her hair. 

 “Okay fine. I’ll give you time. But if you’re going out I want you home by midnight got it?” She said sternly. You nodded and looked down at your phone. It was 10:15 you had an hour and  45 minutes to vent to Sarah. 

 “I’ll be back by midnight I promise.” That’s all you said before walking out and going to Sarah’s car, getting in. 

 “What’s going on Y/N?” Sarah asked, looking very confused and even a bit concerned. 

“Turns out JJ wasn’t obsessed with my sister.” You mumbled, looking down at your hands. 

 “I don’t understand.” She shook her head, frowning a bit. 

 “Look can we talk about this when we get to the beach? It’s a long story, kind of and I want to be further away from my house when I tell you.” You said, laying your head back against the headrest. Sarah simply nodded, chewing her lip a bit as she turned the car into drive and drove to the beach. During the ride she tried to get at least a little bit of what was going on but you weren’t budging. Once you got to the beach you both got out of the car and you hugged your arms closer to your chest.  You both hadn’t even gotten to the shore when you blurted out. 

“Me. It was me. He liked me. Apparently he was always talking to her about me but she kept telling him I wasn’t interested.” You let out a sigh, looking down. Sarah stopped in her tracks, eyes wide. 

 “JJ.. likes you? Has a crush on you? Are you sure? I mean, I didn’t even know that he knew you existed.” 

Ouch. “I didn’t mean it like that.” She said quickly, her face looking guilty.

 “No it’s fine really, I didn’t even know he knew I existed either. It’s just.. he’s JJ Maybank ya know? I don’t know what he sees in me but the fact that he kept pursuing me even after my sister repeatedly told him I wasn’t interested.. I just don’t know what to do.” You sighed, starting to walk again. You decide to take your sandals off so you could feel the sand under your feet. 

 “Were you? Interested I mean.” She asked, doing the same with her sandals too. 

“I have no idea, Sarah! I mean.. I didn’t really think about JJ like that until we kissed, but if I had known back then.. I would’ve thought about it.” You sighed, using her free hand to rub your face. 

 “So tell him how you feel. Or how you think you feel.” She said, shrugging a bit. 

“I don’t really know how I feel. Besides I told Pope I would go on a date with him and I’m not the type of person to cancel. Plus I don’t want cause drama between them. I’m just so confused.” You sighed, pausing to plop down onto a rock that was near you two. 

“Maybe you need a list.” She suggested, sitting down next to you. 

 “A list?” You raised an eyebrow at that. 

 “Yeah a pros and cons list to decide who you like more. Or who is more compatible.” Sarah smiled a bit, thinking it was a good suggestion. 

 “I know who I’m more compatible with Sarah.” You sighed, chewing your lip. 

“Okay let me rephrase that, just because you and Pope like some of the same things and you’re both nerdy doesn’t mean he’s good for you. With John B, I can be myself. He brings out the best parts of me. You need someone who does that for you.” You nodded slowly, looking out at the water in though. 

 “How would I come up with this list though?” You put your head in your hands. 

“Kie and I can help! Sleepover at her place I’ll text her.” She pulled out her phone. “Wait are you sure about this?” You suddenly lifted your head up to reach over to grab her phone but she moved to fast out of the way. 

 “Yes! We don’t want fighting among Pogues, even if it’s slightly entertaining.” Sarah then shoved her phone back into her pocket with a grin. 

 “She’s in, let’s go!” She grabbed your arm and was already pulling you to her car. 

 “Sarah I need to ask my sister! She said she wanted me home by midnight not a sleepover. Plus I need clothes.” You tried to get out as you were pulled to Sarah’s car. 

 “Then text her, call her, whatever,” She shrugged as she got to the drivers side of her car and got in. You sighed and got in, folding your arms. 

“Maybe if you come in and talk to her it’ll convince her? Maybe? Since we’re in a fight considering she kept this from me.” You suggested, shrugging a bit. 

“I guess I could try that. It wouldn’t hurt.” Sarah nodded, driving back to your house. You fiddled with your bracelet on your arm, the one your mom had gotten you for your 13th birthday. It was braided with blue and green thread and had a charm attached to the end string. After what seemed like an eternity of you overthinking this entire situation you finally got back to your house. You checked the time on your phone. 11:35. 

 “Okay. Let’s do this.” You sighed and got out of the car, walking to your door with Sarah in toe. 

 “We got this. It’ll be great.” She grinned widely at you as you grabbed your key from behind your  phone in your phone case and using it to unlock the door. You slowly opened the door and peaked your head inside. 

 “Shelby?” You called out hesitantly. 

 “Y/n?” Shelby ran out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around herself. She suddenly paused when she saw Sarah standing behind you. 

 “Oh hi, Sarah right?” She asked, glancing to you as she cuddled the towel closer to her body. 

 “Hi yeah. I’m really sorry to intrude in short notice but I really think a sleepover would be good for Y/N and Kiara is hosting. Plus she has that date with Pope tomorrow so we’re just trying to prep her for it.” Sarah said with a smile. Shit. You hadn’t told Shelby about the date. Her eyes suddenly went wide as her head snapped to look at you. 

 “You have a date with Pope?” She questioned, her voice a bit tight. 

 “Yes. I said yes before I found out about everything.. so I want this sleepover. I want it to help me figure stuff out. Let me branch out.” You repeated what your mom always used to say to you. You noticed it definitely caused Shelbys face to drop a bit. She ran a hand through her wet hair with a sigh. 

 “Okay fine. But please text me when you get to her house and text me in the morning when you wake up okay? I have an early shift at the Wreck so I’ll be there if you need me. Got it?” She said sternly, trying to be an authority figure but you knew she feeling extremely guilty. She walked over to you and brought you into a tight hug with one arm while the other kept her towel around her. She rested her chin on your shoulder as she whispered in your ear. 

 “I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you I promise.” She said before pulling away. You nodded at her, chewing your lip a bit as you started walking to your room. Your sister walked to her room as she mumbled goodbye to you and Sarah. Sarah walked into your room behind you, looking around. 

 “Your room is nice.” She smiled, sitting on your bed. You mumbled a thanks before grabbing one of your tote bags and putting some clothes for the sleepover into it. 

 “Don’t bring anything for your date. Kiara or I will find something great for you to wear.” She grinned as she watched you pack for the sleepover. 

 “Okay sure. I’m still kind of freaking out.” You breathed, putting the bag over your shoulder. 

 “Why are you freaking out? Because of the date? Or the whole Pope and JJ both liking you thing?” Sarah asked as she stood, running her fingers through her hair. 

 “Both. I mean, I liked Pope so much but he didn’t even notice me so I decided to ignore those feelings and now they’re just there? But I have no idea if they’re platonic or not, then there’s JJ I mean look at him he’s JJ. I never in a million years would think he would like me. Sure in middle school we talked a bit here and there before the Pogues became the Pouges.” You rambled quickly, shaking your head. 

“Let’s just go so we can make the stupid list.” You grumbled as you walked out of your house with Sarah following you. 

 “Do you know who you might like more?” She asked, opening her car door before getting in. You shrugged before getting in the car too. 

 “I have no clue. I think I need to get to know them more. Probably.. well I know Pope but romantically you know?” You shrugged, looking straight ahead as Sarah started heading to Kiaras house. 

 “Well JJ isn’t really the romantic type, at least with the girls he’s been with but since he’s liked you for a while who knows.” You didn’t know why but that stung a bit. You knew he was definitely experienced but thinking about all the girls he’s been with definitely made you anxious. 

 “How many girls has he been with?” You squeaked out, your cheeks heating up from asking her that. 

 “Well before I met him I definitely knew about it his reputation but once I hung around him a lot I definitely saw that his reputation was true. So I’m not trying to freak you out but I want to say at least 30 girls? But in the span of 3 years so if he was with exactly 30 then it probably would’ve been 10 girls a year. Although I think it was more than thirty.” Sarah was definitely rambling, not trying to hurt your feelings but it definitely stung. 

 “What if I’m just a notch on his belt then? What if he doesn’t actually like me and he’s just showing me attention because he wants to sleep with me.” You frowned. It was like everything clicked. He was only interested in you so he could sleep with you. 

 “No no no.” Sarah said suddenly just as you two got to Kiaras house. She quickly put the car in park and then turned it off, facing you. 

 “You said that your sister said he liked you since you were both were 12 right? There is no way he just wanted to sleep with you when he was 12. He didn’t even start sleeping around since he was 14, at least that’s what John B said. So he’s liked you since before he started doing stuff with other girls. He probably starting sleeping around to get over you.” She said as Kiara walked out her front door. Sarah got out but you continued to stay in the car. You were freaking out, your chest was tightening up. What if he really only wanted to sleep with you? You watched as Sarah and Kie started talking but you couldn’t move. He could’ve liked you at first but then once your sister kept telling him to back off his feelings went away. He probably just saw you at the party looking all pretty and just wanted to have a good time, he’s probably doing all this because he probably knows you’re a virgin and wants to be able to brag about it. Your eyes shut closed as you gripped your bag tightly, gasping for air as tears slid down your cheeks. You started to breath even heavier the more the thoughts ran through your head. You flinched when you suddenly heard the passenger door open. 

 “Y/N?” Kiara crouched down so she was more level with you. 

 “What’s going on? Are you okay?” She asked, concerned. All you could do was shake your head, still gasping for air as you clung even tighter to your bag.

 “Hey come on talk to us.” Sarah said as she crouched next to Kie. “I think she’s having a panic attack.” She said, reaching over to pull you into a hug. At first you flinched but when the girls started to hug you tightly it caused you calm down slowly. Your breathing was getting normal. 

 “I-I’m... I’m sorry. The whole JJ thing...” You mumbled, pulling away from them. 

“I’m fine really.” They stood up to give you room to get out of the car, which you did. You still felt some remnants from your mini panic attack but you didn’t want to tell them about it just yet. “

Are you sure?” Sarah asked, frowning a bit at you. 

 “I didn’t mean to freak you out, seriously. You asked and I was just trying to be honest with you but I highly doubt that he’s using you for sex. Trust me.” Sarah looked extremely guilty, pulling you into a hug again. 

 “No trust us. I see the way JJ looks at you. He’s interested in you and not just a sexual way.” Kie said as she hugged you both. You were glad you had decided to go to that boneyard party. 

 “Okay I’m definitely feeling better. Let’s make this list and have a good time, okay?” You grinned as you pulled away. The girls grinned at you as you all walked up to Kiaras room after you closed the passenger door. You all said hi to her parents who were in the kitchen. Her house was amazing, Kie was a kook but you still weren’t expecting it. You all quickly run up to her room, once the door is open you look around her room with a huge smile. The house may not have screamed Kie but her room definitely did. 

 “Wow Kie, your room is amazing.” You said as you sat down on her desk chair. 

“Thanks Y/N it’s not that big of a deal.” She shrugged as she sat down. You nodded a little, definitely knowing it was but decided not to say anything else. 

“So where do we start?” You asked, fiddling with your fingers. 

 “Okay so pros and cons.” Sarah said eagerly with a huge grin on her face. Oh fuck. Why did you agree to this? 

taglist: @baby-pogue​ @teenwaywardasgardian​ @microwaved-timmies​ @http-cherries​ @ephemeral-queen​ @queenofthebees003​ @tonyedwardstarkk​ @harrysbbby​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch​ @jeyramarie​ @sspidermanss​ @pm-my-hubbies​ @yeehaw87​ @k-k0129​ @spiderman-2013​ @jjsjuiceboxx​

[seokjinsdisciple]

Switched

jinyoung x reader

when you switch places with your twin sister to teach English in South Korea. You quickly find you’re worse at the job than you think. Luckily, kindergarten teacher Jinyoung helps you navigate the waters of teaching and help your class pass their end of the year exams. 

requested, unedited

warnings: oh boy where do i even begin, sub jinyoung, baby boy and mommy used excessively (im not sorry), overstimulation (sort of), nipple play, jinyoung is just really subby and cute ok, let me know if im missing anything bc this is a mess

word count: 3.1 k 

There was a certain way that your twin sister had about her that made it impossible to say no. She had used this against you her entire life, and it hadn’t stopped as you grew out of teenagers and became adults. In fact, her requests got more and more demanding. Which is how you found yourself on a 15-hour flight to South Korea. 

It was a simple switch really, she had gotten pregnant and wanted you to fill in for her. She had spent about half of the year teaching English to 6th graders and couldn’t leave for half of the year. You were pretty positive that she had just told you that so she wouldn’t have to pay rent on the year-long lease she had signed, but honestly, you were kinda excited. Not about the kids, you had no idea what to do with them, but more so about living in a different country kinda thing. 

The flight was long, and you spent the whole time watching movies, unable to sleep. So, admittedly you were exhausted when you stood in front of your new apartment. You made your way inside, and you had to be honest, the apartment was way nicer than your home back in the States. It was nowhere near as big, but it was filled with nicer, comfier furniture and a giant bed that you couldn’t resist. 

You awoke with a start, rubbing your eyes and groaning. You had no time to waste since your first day in the classroom was supposed to be today. You hadn’t made any plans for your students, but you didn’t have enough time to make one. Scurrying around the apartment you pulled together a business casual outfit, grabbing a piece of toast from the toaster and hurrying out of the apartment with only one shoe on. The other shoe balanced delicately in your hands with a cup of coffee, and your toast. 

By the time you made it into the school, You were more put together. You were still extremely nervous about meeting the students and you were praying that they would be nice to you. You weren’t too fond of kids, and, unlike your sister, you were terrible at interacting with them.

Your thoughts of the day were taking over, and as you desperately searched for your sister's classroom, you bumped into a broad chest. 

“Hey, you ok y/s/n?” A handsome man asked, his sweater showing off his broad shoulders. You had no idea who this guy was, but damn your sister for failing to mention that someone so handsome existed. You smiled at him, your cheeks heating up as you stared, looking for some sort of name tag. You couldn’t find one.

“I’m ok, just kinda lost for some reason,” you laughed, “My brain hasn’t started yet, I guess.”

“Ah, well maybe I can point you in the right direction?” The man said, looking at you quizzically, you were clearly failing at convincing him you were actually your sister. If he had any questions, though, he didn’t ask them. Instead leading you down a winding hallway and into a classroom. 

“Ah, it’s good to be back,” you smiled, praying that he wouldn’t be too suspicious, “Thanks for your help!”

The man just took one glance behind him, before deciding to just close the door of the classroom. 

“So you’re the twin, right?”

“Uh, I don’t know what you mean…” You tried, glancing at the desk and seeing the picture of you and your sister. She could be a real idiot sometimes. The man just raised an eyebrow at you, glancing at the picture on the desk and then back at you. 

“Listen, I know you aren’t y/s/n,” he stated, “she’s never this nice to me. Plus, what kind of teacher forgets where their classroom is?”

You let out a nervous chuckle at his accusation, it was only the first day and you had already been found out. 

“Don’t worry,” he added, “I’m not gonna tell anyone. My name’s Jinyoung. It's nice to meet you…”

“YN,” you said, taking his outstretched hand and shaking it, “I really don’t want to get my sister in trouble, so it would be really great if you kept it a secret.”

“Like I said, I am not gonna tell anyone,” he smiled, “but you are going to need to learn everyone else's names if you are going to try and pull this off.”

That was how you found yourself studying the school’s website, trying to memorize faces and names, with Jinyoung’s tips about their respective personalities. One thing you learned was that your sister wasn’t liked here, probably another reason she hadn’t wanted to tell you who she was working with. You got to talking with Jinyoung and learned that he was a kindergarten teacher. You and Jinyoung talked through your planning period, at least that’s what he called it, and when you told him you had no clue what you were doing, he suggested putting on a movie, an English movie of course. 

You stared at the list of names on your roster, Jinyoung laughing at your pathetic attempts to pronounce their names. He had to write out the pronunciation just so you could get it somewhat recognizable.  As you called the students of your class up during the first period, you had them write an English name that you could call them by. It was just easier and the kids seemed to be relieved that you weren’t going to butcher their names, although you did feel kinda bad about not calling them by their names. You explained to them that you'd be spending this semester watching and dissecting movies before putting one on. 

As time passed, this became your teaching method, watch a movie with the kids, and go over any questions about words that they had after the movie. You weren’t really sure if this was an effective way to teach English, but you didn’t have any better ideas. Jinyoung had become your only friend, as the rest of your school hated your sister, it just made sense. Especially because he knew about your little secret. It had become apparent that the two of you were attracted to each other. Both your students and he had started asking if the two of you were dating. You, of course, denied it, because he was just your friend. No matter how handsome he was. You shook thoughts of Jinyoung out of your head as you started to clean up the pizza party you had to help calm down the kids. You had never met kids who were as stressed out like these ones. Plus their exams were in a few days, and they needed a little break. 

You let out a quiet curse word as a cough rang out from behind you. 

“Any pizza left for me?” Jinyoung asked, his presence beside you sending you into the same thought process that you had been in before. You cleared your throat, reaching for a plate to hand to him. 

“The leftovers are all yours,” you smiled, chuckling at his over-exaggerated hand heart that he sent your way. 

“I was wondering if you wanted to get a drink tonight?” Jinyoung asked, a mouthful of pizza making his words hard to understand. 

“What?” You laughed, “Chew your food first you monster.”

He just laughed with you, covering his mouth as he chewed, “Sorry, I was wondering if maybe you would want to get a drink with me tonight?”

“Ms. Y/L/N, you have to go with him!” One of your students whined, apparently he had forgotten his coat for recess. Jinyoung just grinned at you, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. 

“Stay out of it,” you warned, shooing the boy back to recess. Your focused honed in, ignoring a grinning Jinyoung and busying yourself with tidying the plates and napkins. 

“You should listen to him,” Jinyoung sang, heat flaming your cheeks as you looked at him. 

“I’ll get drinks with you, but only if you SWEAR not to tell your kindergarteners, deal?”

At this, Jinyoung just chuckled, “It’s a deal, I’ll pick you up outside of your room at promptly at 4:30.”

It was your turn to laugh, the banter that the two of you often shared making a warm fuzz to fill your tummy. The fuzz that was normally only achieved through alcohol. You ignored the periods after lunch, your thoughts filling with Jinyoung. To be fair, most of the conversations your students were having were about you and Jinyoung too. The word of the date spreading quickly through the 6th grade, and you were assuming through the rest of the school. 

Your nerves didn’t pick up until your students were dismissed. Frankly, you couldn’t stand the thought of grading worksheets when you knew what was in store for you later. You needed some time to relieve some stress, and you had a feeling that Jinyoung would help provide that for you. 

Jinyoung was at the door of your classroom right when he said he would be, and his over the top bow made you chuckle as you collected your things. You weren’t sure exactly where you were going, but you knew Jinyoung would take you somewhere nice. He did. 

When you walked into the Korean Barbeque restaurant, the smell of cooking meat filled your nose, and the sound of it sizzling on the grill had your heart beating faster. You hadn’t realized how hungry you are until you sat down and heard your stomach grumble. 

“You should really take care of that,” Jinyoung laughed, lazily perusing the menu. 

“Well then, order me some food,” you smiled, taking your hair down from the bun it was in. When you look back at Jinyoung, his eyes were darker, and if you could’ve seen his crotch, you were certain there would be a noticeable bulge. 

“Excited for the food?” you asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

“I’m thinking about dessert,” he smirked, his tongue wetting his lips. 

This flirty banter continued all throughout dinner, your arousal growing by the time the both of you had finished your 3rd soju bottle. 

Jinyoung’s cheeks were flushed red and you couldn’t help but smile at his drunken ramblings. When he paid for the dinner and stood up, he wobbled a little bit.

“Woah, there,” you laughed, watching his ears burn red as he steadied himself. 

You walked together out of the door, his balance much better than it had been when he stood up. 

“Listen, I’m not that drunk, just feeling a little fuzzy,” he said, his already red cheeks flushing even more. 

“It’s ok Jinyoung, I’m feeling fuzzy too.”

You walked in silence for a moment, but you could feel Jinyoung’s eyes burning a hole into the side of your face. When you turned to look at him, he had a goofy grin on his face, and you couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“I like making you laugh,” he whispered, grabbing your hand and interlocking it with his own. His hands were cold, but they warmed you up from the inside out. His thumb rubbing gently over your hand as you walked. He had your heart beating out of your chest, and by the time you made it to your front door, his body was pressed flush against you. His arms wrapped around your waist, and you both waddled into your apartment, Jinyoung refusing to let you go. When his face landed in the crook of your neck, your stomach flipped. 

“Your hair smells good,” he sighed, his soft tone making you close your eyes and rest your head on his shoulder. You stood like that for a while, peaceful silence almost causing you to fall asleep. When Jinyoung started tonguing at your neck, you couldn’t help but let out a low whine. His actions sped up, and when you were desperate enough, you pulled him along behind you to your bedroom. Your lips found his, softly pressing against each other. His hands roamed your shirt, squeezing your boobs he deepened the kiss. When you pulled away, you both threw your shirts off, his hand reaching around to undo your bra. That’s when you first noticed it. 

One hand became two hands trying to remove the garment, and then with two hands came a pout. You held back a smile as you reached behind yourself and unclasped the bra in one go. His pout just deepened, and ears so red they could probably be seen from miles away. 

“Jinyoung,” you whispered, placing a chaste kiss on his lips as you pushed him gently down on the bed, “are you a virgin?”

Jinyoung’s hands found your waist, and as he pulled you onto his lap, he buried his head into your chest. You ran your fingers through his hair as he gently shook his head no. 

“I’m just inexperienced,” he whispered, his head refusing to come out from your chest. You continued to massage his head, a whine leaving his throat as you helped him relax. When he started to nuzzle into your boobs, you weren’t expecting him to lick your nipple, and then take it into his mouth to harden it. He repeated his actions on the other side, your breaths hitching every so often as he sucked and bit. When he finally looked up and met your eyes, you almost squealed at how cute he was. His nose and cheeks were flushed a deep red, and his eyes were watery.

“Oh, baby boy,” you whispered as his pout deepened a low whine leaving his lips at the nickname, “What’s wrong?”

“-m ard,” he mumbled, hiding into your chest again. You just cooed at him, running your hands through his hair again. 

“But baby, I have barely even touched you,” you said, “Do you want me to help you?”

You just tsked when Jinyoung nodded into your chest, speaking a little louder than before, “Use your words, baby boy.”

Jinyoung looked up at you, his lip trembling at your harsh tone. You caressed his cheek to soothe him, and that's when he said, “will you- will you please touch me?”

That was it, you were done for. You normally considered yourself to be a more sub leaning switch, but boy was this subby little baby making you go crazy. You pressed your lips onto him, reaching your hand down and pressing on his bulge. Jinyoung almost didn’t let go of you as you climbed off of his lap, but one glance at him had him looking down and loosening his arms from around your waist. 

When you undid the button of his pants and allowed you to pull them down his legs you praised him. His pretty cock bobbing at your words. 

“Do you like being complimented baby boy?”

Jinyoung nodded again, letting out a whimper as you slapped the inside of his thigh, “Yes, I do mommy.”

If you thought you were a goner before, you didn’t know what to think now. It was clear Jinyoung was going deeper into subspace, and holy shit you didn’t know how much you liked being called mommy. 

“You’re such a good little boy, Jinyoungie,” you smiled, pressing a kiss to the tip of his cock, “and you have such a pretty cock.”

His whines at your teasing only intensified as you complimented him, “Look how big it is, baby,” you smirked, wrapping a hand around his cock and tugging once,” but you don’t even know what to do with a cock like this, do you baby?”

“N-, no mommy,” he hiccupped as you sank your mouth all the way down his length. 

“It’s ok, love,” you smiled up at him, “Mommy will take care of you.”

His sniffles were just so cute, you couldn’t stand to tease him anymore. You slipped your skirt off, placing both of your hands on Jinyoung’s cheeks. 

“Are you sure about this?” you asked, running your thumbs gently over his cheeks as he nodded, “Words, Jinyoung.”

“Yeah, god yeah, please,” he whined, gulping as you straddled him, sinking down until you had all of his length inside of you. 

“You tell me if you wanna stop, ok baby?”

“Yes,” Jinyoung whined, letting out a broken moan as you began to ride him. His fingers gripped your hips, pretty moan after pretty moan leaving his mouth as you chased your high. You were worked up, he had worked you up. He was just so good, and once you set eyes on his cock you knew you wanted to feel him in you. Now, you could maneuver yourself so that he was hitting you in all of the right places. And your sweet little love was so so close, you could tell. His hips were almost running from you, sinking as far as he could into the bed to try to take some of the pleasure away. His moans gave him away as he clung to you. 

“Mo-mommy, need to, need to come,” he whimpered, tears pricking his eyes at your silence. You kissed his nose and picked up your pace.

“You can come, little love,” you moaned, your heat clenching around him. He muttered a string of thank-yous, as you felt his cock twitching inside of you. You just kissed him, not wanting to hear his overstimulated moans as you kept riding him. But his mouth broke away, scrunched face as he moaned. 

“M, mommy,” he whined, face still red and scrunched. You tried to calm him, slowing your hips to try to relieve some of the overstimulation, but that's when you felt it. His cock twitching in you again. You let out a groan and came with him. Your eyes rolling back into your head as you clenched around him. You relaxed around him, your hands finding his cheeks as you took a deep breath. You quickly looked up when you felt the wetness on his cheeks. 

“What’s wrong love?”

“I was bad,” he sniffed, “Youngie came without permission.”

“You weren’t bad baby,” You smiled, pressing several kisses all over his face until he laughed, “you were the best boy.”

You let him pull you down across the bed, snuggling into your side and nuzzling into your neck. You fell asleep, and so did he soon after, both of you worn out.

You and Jinyoung spent the entire weekend together, laughing, making out and growing his experience. When you arrived at school on Monday, you were glowing. Your kids begged you to tell them if you went on that date, but you refused. At least until it was time for them to start their exam. In fact, you promised to tell them what happened (minus some details of course) if, and only if, they passed their exams. 

Not a single person in your class failed.

[enduringsea]

( rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the kind of music they listen to! put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people! no skipping! ) / tagged by @yellowcrumpet​ ╭( ･ㅂ･)و )))

Thanks for the tag! I LOVE these things-- I don’t rlly have a playlist either though, just a mess of music files on a device I haven’t updated so I’ll be checking my YouTube history too lol. There’s a uhhh.... pattern to be found, mainly relating to Code Vein or other OCs.... which isn’t surprising ._. ;; I made it a separate post bc I knew this was going to get long and rambly with lyric snippets and crying about fictional characters, sorry :D

1. Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor don’t go / you’re half of me now / but i’m hardly stood proud / i said it, almost oh i’ve been low / but damn it i bet it don’t show / it was heaven a moment ago oh i can’t seem to let myself leave you / but i can’t breathe anymore This one gives me Loubeth vibes ok, partially bad end route ;-; While Elizabeth is a very strong person, her friends are the most prominent reason she tries to do anything at all & isn’t living day-to-day in a monotonous grind to survive without a solid purpose other than ‘help random ppl bc it’s the right thing to do’. If she loses them, it’d ruin her & hammers into her head how everything she’s ever done has been a failure. She suffered a major betrayal by her boss before the Collapse, she was unable to fully participate in proj. queen despite her incredible test results, she failed to defeat Cruz and take her blood during Operation Queenslayer, and if she fails to protect the people she’s finally found meaning with? She’d break down completely & destroy herself to save them. She’s always had some level of abandonment issues, and without her family around it’s so much worse, even if it isn’t the most obvious because she’s generally seen as very well put together-- I really can’t express how much it would hurt her to lose Louis, Yakumo, and the others. She’s just not one to show just how bad it can truly get for her mentally and emotionally-- she’s resilient as hell, she’s been through hell repeatedly and survived it all, so it’s easy for others to assume she’s fine all things considered. It makes her feel weak and ashamed of herself if she shows any level of vulnerability, so she doesn’t; she swallows it down and is afraid of disappointing those who look up to her as a fighter and friend-- of course, no one at Home Base would blame her for being vulnerable, they all have their moments, Bethy just sets herself to such a high standard it’s difficult for her to talk about her own suffering in spite of how well-versed she is in getting her thoughts and feelings across otherwise. Louis is the one most keen to how deeply she’s hurting, but he doesn’t understand just how deeply until she finally does fall apart. The final swell of the song and its desperate lyrics really relays the pain they both feel-- Louis too would not fare well if something happened to Elizabeth, because he blames himself she was even involved in Operation Queenslayer for a long time, I honestly did so bad in explaining coherently, this song just has so much emotion and hurt behind it adklfjdfdff </3

2. Looking Out For You - Joy Again this is a love song for a girl who will never know it’s about her she's beaming that smile / all the while i’m all tripped up on my own throat i guess there is no hope This song reminds me of Elizabeth & my friend’s character Takashi Fujioka, who gets-- vERY...FRIENDZONED, for lack of a better word, by Elizabeth in his story, it’s really summed up best as tragic (;﹏;) Before the Collapse they were hitting it off, then the Collapse happened, they were separated, he lost his sisters, Mido happened, he was experimented on + became a revenant, etc, etc; years have passed since then & she’s gotten her life together as much as one can in a world like Vein, but for Takashi it’s like no time has passed at all. Elizabeth is subtly older in appearance, she’s been working w Lou & Co. for a long time; Loubeth blatantly have a connection, & rather than bringing up his feelings + making it awkward bc he values their friendships, he just kinda. chokes on them & does his best to help out the team. It doesn’t help he can’t even be jealous bc Louis is a really solid friend to him too, IT’S JUST A MESS OF A SITUATION & the death of what could have been if things were different.

3. Closer - Teagan And Sara ( no lengthy explanation for this one thank goodness, I’ve just been watching BoJack Horseman again and I really like some of the songs they add in, I like listening to this one on loop when mindlessly coloring something )

4. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo  all I did was try my best / this the kind of thanks I get? they say these are the golden years / but I wish I could disappear ego crush is so severe / god, it's brutal out here I have it on a playlist for Elizabeth somewhere, not all of it applies to her but it reflects some of her struggles she has both before & after the collapse. She’s-- always kind of been a mess while under immense pressure + has serious self image issues, this song hits that side of her well. She’s been held to humanly impossible standards by both herself and her family bc frankly? She can reach them, she’s NOT exactly human. She was born into her position as a hunter & intends to keep it for as long as she lives (like revenants, her kind is very much ‘either gets killed or lives 5ever), even if some days she really feels how heavy the burden can be. She didn’t have a normal childhood and she’s fine with it for the most part, but it alienates her from most of her peers-- she never got to date anyone, never had a close group of friends, never went to parties that weren’t formals, etc., while she feels a little childish about it, she does envy ‘normal’ and understands the pressure she’s lived under her entire life has caused damage-- she has been exploited for her abilities, there’s just not much she can do about it but to keep going, rlly.

5. Freaks - Surf Curse  don't kill me / just help me run away from everyone  i need a place to stay / where i can cover up my face don't cry / i am just a freak / i am just a freak UhhhHHH this song really makes me think of Oliver Collins :D;; thank TikTok for showing it to me. It makes me think of how scared he was, of both the world and the revenants who captured him. The song’s use of the word ‘parasites’ really makes me think of Revenants and the BOR parasites XD I’m hoping when I poke my video editor again, I can record some Oliver footage to make a short video to this song. Oliver deserves so much better, I wish you could save him, but that’s what AUs are for, hahah.... The second half of the lyrics make me think of the AU I have where he lives and has to grapple with the guilt of surviving and the things he did to other revenants to get by too.

6. All Eyes On Me - Bo Burnham you say the ocean’s rising / like i give a shit you say the whole world’s ending / honey it already did you’re not gonna slow it / heaven knows you tried got it? good / now get inside I haven’t seen the Netflix special yet but I’ve had this song on repeat since my move started. The lyrics hit too hard & resonate with my existential dread, covid exhaustion, and extreme burnout in my 20s, but bc I have Damage I can also relate it to CV ._. ‘you’re not gonna slow it, heaven knows you tried. got it? good now get inside’ makes me think of--;; the bad end route again, and Elizabeth’s desperation to keep her found family together. It’s not like her to completely stop caring about an issue, but in the moment she realizes what’s being taken from her? She doesn’t want to save all of revenant-kind if it means she’s going to wind up alone all over again, her world is effectively over if she’s forced to be alone again. The MC frenzying means the only immediately identifiable hope she had of saving everyone else is gone, so why not just go home? If they’re all doomed, she wants to at least be together for a little while longer, it’s fine if they use her blood to survive & everyone else in the mist is out of luck, it’s soul-crushing bc I’ve never had her in a situation where she’s been this reckless, despondent/hopeless, and thinking irrationally where it’d impact more than herself-- especially when she’s normally goal-oriented, organized, meticulous, so on so forth: she’s not one to act without thinking something through first, but that last breath of light just got sucker-punched out of her. All she wants is home, comfort, and family, and ultimately in the bad end route she does manage to preserve their lives, maintain the mist, and supply blood beads, but her own condition leaves her on the throne-- it’s a mix of the bad, neutral, and true ending rlly ldkfjdf BUT YEAH enough rambling on that :D;; This song’s really good and touches a lot of different thoughts and ideas both in real life and my ocs, kind of embarrassing--;; thank u bo burnham for ruining me with this beautiful song

7. Yellow - Coldplay look at the stars / look how they shine for you / and everything you do your skin / oh yeah, your skin and bones / turn in to something beautiful do you know / for you I'd bleed myself dry Does this song make me think about JackEva? Yes. Yes it does. Star / night sky symbolism? Bam. Sappy lyrics about love and finding the person you’re with absolutely mesmerizing and worth dying for? BAM. If JackEva were capable of using their own blood to save each other, I can see it-- hJNGn they just care about each other so much, Jack cries for her even though they both knew that eventually one of them would succumb to their duty, and if the roles were reversed I can see Eva doing the same, I adore them beyond human language. On my CV RP blog, my Jack’s not shippable bc-- Eva, my friend even have them looking after his nephew (an oc--) at one point. I should seriously drop some headcanons down eventually....

8. Louder Than Thunder - The Devil Wears Prada  are we meant to be empty-handed? / i know i could, i could be better i don't think i deserve it / selflessness, find your way into my heart all stars could be brighter / all hearts could be warmer 

LMFAO throwback to my middle school playlist, I’m old-- I’ve applied this song to a lot of things back in the day, but I really connect it to Loubeth now, especially Louis. Lou & Bethy are both functional idiots who are too hard on themselves & have trouble recognizing their worth beyond what they can do for others. They’re trying to be better-- to make up for what they perceived wrongs they’ve done, but it’s hard, they don’t believe they’re worthy of the love and support the other gives, but they still yearn for that sense of security. After Louis’ memories are returned, he finally understands the guilt he’s felt since he became a revenant and it really skews his self-perception; he blames himself for so many things & Elizabeth, who has always been able to kill when necessary, sets it straight-- “It’s not your fault”, and it takes Louis some time to properly absorb that message. He thinks she’s just trying to comfort him, which she is tbh, but she’s not wrong: “It’s not your fault you couldn’t kill someone. It was never your job to kill anyone.” It’s up to people like her to do those sort of things-- Elizabeth may not have been present when Cruz frenzied, but if she had been? It would have been over before it started, that’s something she has regrets over, even if nothing could have been done since she was already on the field. Actually, she’s actually really quite angry that security failed to monitor Cruz properly and has a few select words for the ones there who could have actually done something before it got out of hand-- civilians and doctors are exempt from her shtlist bc they’re not meant to be killers (so don’t worry Artorias, she’s not ready to bite your head off!), but they had to have some kinda security detail rite o-q??? They’re probably hiding from her wrath-- BUT ANYWAY, she insists she’ll never blame Louis for not being able to do something as serious as killing another person. He was a normal human being who cared about his friend, not a failure, and he couldn’t have been expected to do something that shouldn’t have fallen on his shoulders in the first place. As many times as it takes, she’ll reaffirm that it wasn’t his fault, she’s not angry, he’s always done his best and her opinion of him hasn’t changed. He’s a good person and she loves him through all the hurt, though she doesn’t drop the word ‘love’ for a long time. It just-- takes Louis a while to accept she views him as someone worthy of the love and respect she has for him. It’s kind of ironic she’s so adamant on Louis not blaming himself considering she’s the one privately blaming herself for-- wow there’s too much to unpack, she feels guilty she was even born?? im so broken over these two. I love them and yet they SUFFER... 

9. What I’ve Done - Linkin Park i'll face myself / to cross out what i’ve become erase myself / and let go of what i’ve done today this ends / i'm forgiving what i’ve done

I have Louis Amamiya brainrot and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks that this song fits him super well & it needs to become an AMV dsjfkldsfd. I’m a near life-long Linkin Park fan and this fits with Lou so well thematically. As much as I’ve gone on about Louis’ guilt, he does steel himself to keep going forward in spite of it and make things right, for everyone. Maybe it wasn’t really his fault, but at the end of the day his inability to kill Cruz in that moment left a disaster in its wake that got a countless number of people killed-- the MC included with Karen and Aurora. He doesn’t want to run away from the truth, doesn’t want to make excuses, he wants to take responsibility for it and he’ll work himself to death if it means things will be better-- it’s both admirable he’s got a strong resolve and VERY concerning with how willing he is to die for the cause, please don’t overdo it, Lou, you’ll break mine and Bethy’s hearts ._.;; It won’t always be easy, there are moments the grief gnaws at him, but in the end he does overcome it (and uh. as in the bad ending, we know he can actually do it this time). I know we can’t see everything, but I would have loved deeper character interactions, especially with Louis with an emphasis on grieving + forgiving himself properly-- but this song really is nice with the whole ‘I’m going to face my mistakes head on, forgive myself, and keep moving forward’. It’s what Louis deserves: self forgiveness and a damn break ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

10. Call of Silence - Hiroyuki Sawano you will know you're reborn tonight / must be rough but i’ll stay by your side even if my body's bleached to the bones / i don't want go through that ever again so cry no more / oh my beloved ngl idk if those are the correct lyrics, buuuuuuut....... im a weenie and am internally weeping abt loubeth after midnight, what else is new lmfao- i’ll at least try to be brief :D I also used to really like Attack on Titan when I was in high school, I dropped the anime years ago because I was waiting for s2 and never got back to it once it started airing again, I thought I’d finish it once the anime was complete since I eventually caught up with the manga, such a good series BUT ANYWAY-- I think it’s a really pretty song and Loubeth fit with the tender lyrics. IT’S LATE, idk what to say about them other than what I’ve said already dsklfjdslf im sorry I really ramble a LOT and I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had the chance to >w>;;

[blazerina]

Right Here (Mal x MC)

Right Here (Mal x MC)

Word Count: 1569

A/N: I’ve got Mal on my mind these days and this little scene came to me. Can’t wait to see what Blades as in store for us tomorrow…but until then, enjoy this fic! xoxo

Tag List:  @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria @queerbrujas @myusualnerdyself @mvalentine @jasminedayz @choicesobsessed @brightpinkpeppercorn @superpug815 @fallendarkangel693 @indescribablybre @choices-dan @sevesseasofbecky @romascourtesan @lahellacute @kingliamsbitch @creatingjana @shathaibra @mindlesschicca @parkerstorms @ink-spilled-stars @777greywolf @dailydoseofchoices @lonelysoulallday @hilariouslyalive @ntoraplayschoices @wistalica @virtuallytakenby @piinkheart @drakewalker04

--

Mal crept into Raine’s room without making a sound. He was incredibly proud of himself and desperately wanted to announce how adept he was at figuring out how to make his way into any room at any time, but he bit the inside of his cheek instead, knowing he needed to remain quiet. He had great plans for this morning before the group departed on yet another journey.

It wasn’t lost on him how ironic it was that only a few weeks ago he was stealing physical objects like gold, weapons and sometimes food, yet now he was focused more on stealing moments alone with a certain young woman’s heart. He had never pictured himself to be one so easily be smitten. But somehow he found himself here, before the break of dawn, sneaking into her room hoping to steal her away for a secret adventure meant only for the two of them to share.

The room was dark, but he was skilled enough to make his way through without issue. As he approached the bed, he made note of how fast his heart was beating within his chest.  

“Good morning, kit.” Mal let the words roll off his tongue in a soft whisper as he leaned in closer to the lump in the bed.

He waited a few moments before speaking again.

“I know it’s early, but I have a surprise for you…” he was hoping she was as excited to be spending time with him as he was with her.

However, the longer the silence continued, the more worried he became.

“Unless that surprise is mead or some kind of food, you’d better be on your way, lover boy.”

Threep’s head popped out of the blankets covering the bed, a sly grin on his face.

“She’s gone.” He yawned, stretching his limbs above his head.

Looking at Mal, Threep began to giggle uncontrollably, sitting up a little more. He used a paw to wipe away a few straggling tears from his eyes as they began to water from laughing so hard.

“Oh! If you could only…see your…face…” He continued, now in a full-on fit of laughter as Mal stiffened.

“Curses! You mongrel-hybrid, good-for-nothing…” he muttered, walking towards the door.

“Have a good laugh, we’ll see who’s enjoying life once they’re stuffed in a bag for hours on end.”

With that he slammed the door, a little too loud for this early in the morning and made his way straight outside.

--

Mal could not help but be disappointed. He had a grand plan, and already the day was not cooperating. Perhaps he should have told her about this adventure the night before, he scolded himself. Feeling dejected and down-trodden, Mal continued on the path he had found by accident the day before.

As the path wound its way up a small hill to a beautiful lookout spot surrounded by rocks and greenery, he sighed. Keeping his head down, he kicked a few small stones out of the way and ran his boots along the edge of the path, through the dirt. It was still dark as the sun had not yet risen. He didn’t know how much time he had left before dawn would break.

“I’m probably better off on my own anyway…” he said out loud, deciding to look out over the vast countryside.

Mal knew this would be a beautiful place to watch the sunrise and he had attempted to share it with only one other person, but now just like everyone else in his life, she was gone.

“Well that was an awfully dramatic thing to say.” Her voice called out from behind a tree.

“Raine?” Mal asked, turning around as if he were on a swivel.

“What are you doing here?” They both asked each other at the same time.

Mal’s face lit up at the sight of her, and she responded accordingly, smiling broadly back at him.

“I actually was going to see if you…uh…” suddenly he was nervous. Scratching the back of his head and now finding himself unable to make eye contact with her, he stumbled over what he was trying to say.

“Isn’t this place magical? No pun intended.” Raine rolled her eyes, knowing that Mal was about to call her on it.

“I found it the other day when I needed a moment to myself, and I knew I just had to come up here to watch the sunrise.”

She was spinning around in the early light of daybreak like some sort of princess in a fairytale.

Mal stepped back, a little surprised.  “Are you okay?” He asked, arching his scarred eyebrow.

“I’m great! Never been better.” And just like that, she was the one who now seemed nervous.

“You do know that I am extremely experienced at reading people, right? You’re not acting normal.  What’s going on?”

Raine bit her lip and sighed deeply.

“I knew that you wanted to bring me up here and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it so I decided to get up early so you couldn’t come get me and now I’m here and you’re here and it’s awkward.”

She winced as those words spilled out of her mouth all in one breath.

“What?!” Mal pretended to be incredibly shocked, trying to bring a little levity to the situation. His hand on his chest, his mouth hanging open.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not awkward, kit! There’s nothing awkward at all about two friends, sneaking off together in the dark, to a secluded and incredibly romantic spot, if I do say so myself, to watch the sunrise!” Mal moved closer to her as she turned to face him.

“Mal. Please. Be serious.” Raine asked him, honestly.

He was about to protest and say something else slightly humorous, but he closed his mouth and listened intently.

“I found this spot and saw your boot tracks. So I knew that you’d been here…and then I overheard you telling Tyril that you had a plan to spoil me today…I got nervous and tried to take control…and I would just hate it so much if I hurt you…”

She seemed genuinely concerned and reached out to him, brushing a stray curl of hair from his forehead.

He reached out to her too, taking both of her hands in his, looking her in the eyes. When he held her gaze like this, he was reminded of just how far he had fallen for her. He swore to the gods he could get lost in her blue-green eyes forever and that he didn’t care if he never saw another mug of ale, barrel of mead or pouch full of gold for as long as he lived, as long as he had Raine by his side.

“I am so proud of you.” He beamed, his chest swelling with happiness.

“You tracked my footprints to find out I’d been here and hid in the shadows to listen to my conversation with elf-boy?” Mal smirked, knowing that he was needling her in the best of ways.

Raine didn’t respond, but looked up at him from beneath her dark, thick lashes.

“Look, kit, it’s always okay to be honest with me. You know that right?” Mal still held her hands in his as their faces got closer and closer together. His voice still barely above a whisper.

“I may not be an honest man by trade, but I expect honestly out of the people I lo—” he stopped himself.

Raine’s eyes grew wide, a smile spreading across her face. It quickly faded as she tried to keep her composure, while a small blush crept across her neck and cheeks.

Mal cleared his throat in an unexpectedly loud manner, and continued.

“Look, the point is, you can tell me anything and the last thing I ever want to do is make you uncomfortable. I guess…and this is hard for me to admit…” he exhaled, running a hand through his hair.

“Maybe I misread you, I could have gotten the signs all wrong…” he trailed off and shrugged his shoulders, returning his gaze to her eyes once again.

An uncomfortable silence fell over them both, still holding hands, still looking at each other. Neither one wanted to be the first to look away. Mal was almost daring her to speak, using only his eyes.

“You didn’t…I’m just…” Raine swallowed hard, working up the courage to finish her sentence.

“…scared.”

“Scared? A strong, bold, powerful warrior like you, scared?” Mal tipped her chin up to him as she had looked away upon admitting her vulnerability.

“Hey! You missed an adjective there. You didn’t say beautiful?” Raine said confidently, looking him right in the eye.

Mal was about to interject when beams broke through the low-laying clouds and sunlight covered the hilltop where they both were standing. It was a glorious site, one that took the breath out of both of their lungs.

“Mal! We missed it!! We missed the whole sunrise because of me…and my ramblings…and my stupid insecurities...” Raine was whining, still feeling awful.

She had turned to look at the scene in front of them but Mal’s eyes were still fixed on her.

“I don’t know what you’re taking about, kit. I didn’t miss anything.” He said, almost breathless.

“I set out this morning on a quest to find a gorgeous view, and I’ve found one.  

Right here.”

[gcldveined]

I got this reply in response to a post I made about loving Gwen, and I’m putting my own novel of a response in the tags. Here we go.

Actually, nothing you said about her is fair, and I’ll go into why. While Gwen is a character I hold very dearly, I need to preface this with the fact that I in no way see her as perfect (in fact, I’ll go deeply into why she isn’t), or better than any of the team. As anyone who knows me and my love of Torchwood can tell you, I’m arguably in love with every single member of the team evenly, and with Rhys as well. So I’ll try to hit all the points you brought up here.

The writing in the first 2 series —  Honestly, I’ll start with yes, the writing can be spotty and rough in points. It happens when you have so many different writers with differing views of what the relationships and characters are. For a non-Gwen example, take s1e12 Captain Jack Harkness - it was written by a woman who was fairly anti-Janto (a canon ship) and just wanted to see two soldiers kiss, by her own admission. So it took a very odd turn out of character for Jack to say “there’s no one” when asked if he had someone romantically involved with him. Owen’s development went back and forth from asshole to progress to asshole to progress again. Tosh got next to no attention outside of wanting love. They were all written in a bit of a shoddy manner in s1, when a show with many, many writers was just getting on its feet. Something of a sidebar, but important to note that the uneven writing does not apply solely to Gwen. Gwen being written as condescending and holier than thou - nope. I’m sorry, but no, that’s not what it was at all. Gwen was written as a point of humanity for Torchwood, which was desperately needed, as is evidenced as early as s1e2 Day One. Gwen was not a seasoned veteran of Torchwood, she was a woman who joined the police force because she wanted to help people. On top of dealing with the overwhelming nature of joining Torchwood itself, she first spoke up about morality, and humanity, (as was evidenced and clearly intended by the writers as they dubbed her The Heart of Torchwood) when she heard Carys sobbing in a cell because the poor girl was fighting with some murderous sex alien for control of her own body. Gwen was also written to be a vessel for audience projection, whether anyone likes it or not. And I believe it was necessary; if any of us were to react in any way but concern for someone in Carys’ situation, I’d question if there was something deeply wrong with us.

It was clear that nobody on the team had explained to her what was being done (Jack’s line about the computers running a bioscan on her makes that clear). It is only when he gets aggressive and defensive about it -

“Now, is that enough? Do you want more? Cos it gets kinda boring.”

- that she continues on about it.

“You've been hidden down here too long. Spending so much time with the alien stuff, you've lost what it means to be human.”

This line isn’t about being holier than thou, and it’s not about being condescending. It’s about the fact that she got caught up in the moment with them, laughing and relaxing and eating Chinese takeaway while a girl fought for control of her body and felt as though she was losing her mind in a dingy cell underground. It was a moment of shock at herself and a hope to find that same response in the others. And when they didn’t respond in kind, a realization about what they have done and how they have compartmentalized things in order to do the job before them. She doesn’t go on to build the background on Carys without prompting. She doesn’t go off on a sermon about how horrible they all are. Jack says:

“So remind us. Tell me what it means to be human in the twenty first century.”

and she does. She goes to pull up Carys’ life, as we all know, and in the end — Gwen was right. She was right in needing to keep Carys grounded, in a fight for control, though by the time they come to that conclusion it is too late and she has escaped. Later, she continues to argue with Jack about it, and they have a very sort of tense feeling between them through the rest of the episode. But then we get to the end, and Jack tells her —

“Do one thing for me. Don't let the job consume you. You have a life. Perspective. We need that.”

That’s a bit long winded for that one episode, but this is the foundation of what Gwen does for the team and who she is. Any one of us would be shocked entering Torchwood, finding what they do and how they handle it. Jack knew from the beginning what Gwen possessed — compassion and perspective — and wanted to use that. We see Gwen fall into the more callous and detached side of Torchwood to an extent over the course of the series, but we also see other characters come around to a more caring side.

It’s balance, it’s not condescension. Jack — her boss — told her to keep up with what she had been doing. I don’t know about you, but if I came up with an opinion — much less a controversial one — in my workplace, and my boss told me it was good and to hang on to it, I wouldn’t just drop it. I’d keep at it, like she was instructed to.

What the writers wanted vs. what they portrayed onscreen — We’re going a bit out of order here, but I think this one fits in well here. The writers wanted compassion, an emotional and steadying hand for Torchwood’s detachment, and an audience surrogate. And that is exactly what they gave us. Every show has an audience surrogate; Gwen was simply Torchwood’s. Jack created Torchwood Three to be different than Torchwood One, and especially if you listen to the audios, Torchwood One was extremely callous and detached. Gwen’s POV was essential to the Torchwood Jack wanted, to the Torchwood Jack never stopped working towards. The writers didn’t always handle everything well, but they knew what they wanted with Gwen, and they gave it to us.

Gwen’s infidelity with Owen and Jack — oh boy. This is a topic, because I know Gwen gets a ton of hate for it. Let’s preface this with: she was wrong. Gwen Cooper should never have cheated on Rhys, emotionally or physically. However, let’s explore this topic and how hating just Gwen for it and not Owen or Jack as well is misogynistic and wrong, full stop.

Here we go.

We’ll start with Owen. We’ve established I do not condone it, but I feel I understand her thinking in that, and I think it’s an important to delve into it a bit.

Gwen started Torchwood, as discussed, shocked by the detachment from humanity. She would later fall into that to an extent, as well, and I believe part of her affair with Owen was the beginning. She was stressed, overwhelmed, and scared in a job that demanded a lot from her in every way - physical, mental, moral, and emotional. She couldn’t speak to Rhys about it, since it was confidential. She needed someone to confide in about the stress of the job (as seen at the end of s1e6 Countrycide), and as seen throughout the series in Gwen’s mannerisms, playfulness, and affection, she’s very tactile, hence the physical aspect. But most importantly, it wasn’t emotional. Gwen was not looking for another love — even in her most brainless moments (which they all have), she couldn’t have believed that Owen wanted an emotional affair. Even from Day One, he says:

“I torture people in happy relationships.”

In Countrycide, he gives her this speech while they are inches from making out, about the incredible sex they would have together:

“Doesn't happen with him, does it? You're too familiar. Whereas you and me, we're not cozy at all. We'd be amazing. And that scares the shit out of you.”

Owen cared about sex, and being Owen and the carer he is (though he pretends not to be), allowed her to confide in him about the transition and stress of the job:

GWEN: “And I can't share [the things she sees in Torchwood] with anyone.” OWEN: “You can now.”

That was what Gwen was looking for. A confidante. The cheating was shitty, and the later action of telling Rhys and retconning him was shittier (imho, the writers REALLY fucked that one up, especially by never bringing it up again), but Gwen was not the only person doing shitty things. Owen knew she had a boyfriend. Even referenced him repeatedly in his efforts to seduce her. Canonically “tortures people in happy relationships”. The point of this particular ramble being this:

IF YOU HATE GWEN COOPER FOR CHEATING AND DO NOT HATE OWEN HARPER FOR BEING THE OTHER HALF OF IT, IT IS MISOGYNY. FULL STOP.

Full stop. No excuses. Owen did exactly as badly as Gwen did. They both fucked up. I adore Owen Harper with my whole soul, but you cannot excuse for him what you hate Gwen for. They did it together, knowingly. You cannot cherry pick who you bash for their grey morality.

And on to Jack.

My personal headcanons aside**, we have the same situation. Gwen was not the only one flirting. Gwen was not the only one with feelings. Take s2e1 Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, for example. That scene in the cells, when he finds out she’s engaged to Rhys? That was him trying to seduce her (romantically more than physically). That was his poorly timed and awful attempt at making something out of it (Gwen also reciprocated in this scene. I don’t deny that.) To quote The Four Aces: “love is a many-splendored thing.” It’s complicated and rough, and Gwen had genuine feelings for Jack at the same time as she did Rhys. It’s not good. It’s bad. It’s immoral. It’s not ideal. Jack Harkness also had real, genuine, and complicated feelings for Gwen, too.

**I need to make a side note that I am not a Gwack shipper. My personal headcanons have Gwen’s initial crush on him fading by s1e4 Cyberwoman. I don’t enjoy the forced Gwack storyline, and it was dragged on endlessly, and I really kind of hated it. But we’re going by show canon. So the Gwack flirtation is a thing.**

So the point of this one is the same as the one before:

IF YOU HATE GWEN COOPER FOR FLIRTING AND DO NOT HATE JACK HARKNESS FOR BEING THE OTHER HALF OF IT, IT IS MISOGYNY. FULL STOP.

Full stop. No excuses. Jack was a willing, informed, and understanding participant in their flirtationship, despite her current and longstanding relationship with Rhys.

I’ll make one more point and then end this — it’s beautifully put in this post by @blipintiime​​, aka 1/3 of my heart, but here is this: every single member of Torchwood is morally damnable. Ianto Jones hid a murderous Cyberwoman in Torchwood Three, using the team and Jack to get her there. Owen Harper began the series by essentially drugging a couple for sex. Suzie Costello - well. Suzie. Toshiko Sato invaded each team member’s personal space, their thoughts, their most private recesses of their mind, for days, and then brought her alien girlfriend into Torchwood. Jack Harkness lied repeatedly and continuously to his team, murdered Ianto and Tosh’s girlfriends, killed when he didn’t need to, used an arguably sentient alien as bait, and a whole plethora of other things we won’t get into.

Torchwood is flawed, and that’s the point of the show. Each member is flawed in their own way, and has something brilliant to contribute. Hating Gwen for being the same is arguably misogynistic and unfounded. She is far from perfect. But she is not the fandom’s or anyone’s scapegoat.

Thanks for reading, stop blaming Gwen for things you pardon others for, goodbye.

[dreamy-heichou]

Anime Tag Game

I was tagged by @roxi4, thank you so much!! :D This was a lot of fun though some questions got me thinking really hard lol

1. Last anime you watched?

It’s a new anime movie on Netflix called A Whisker Away (or Nakitai Watashi wa Neko wo Kaburu), it was really cute, funny and touching!

2. Last anime you binged watched?

Beastars. I was a little reluctant to start watching it but once I started I couldn’t stop lol

3. Recommend an anime and state your reason?

CAROLE & TUESDAY

This anime has everything: cute moments, funny moments, serious topics and a bit of angst. It’s about two girls trying to find their place in the new world they live in, Mars, which is where some part of humanity went because of the decaying state of Earth. They both have their struggles, their stories, but what unite them is music. The show is centered on them trying to make their debut in the music industry on Mars, and wow is the music amazing in this anime! All the songs are in English (except one in French) which was a real surprise for a Japanese anime, but it suits the characters perfectly! Totally recommend giving it a try!

4. Anime you have not finished watching yet?

I have a few lol, though right now I can’t remember which one and MAL decided to not work right when I’m doing this akjld

5. An anime you do NOT recommend and state your reason?

Okay, so before I go into this, just know one thing: I love Tokyo Ghoul. I really do, but I love the original story, the manga.

Concerning the anime: the first season was okay, they deleted a few things which I found was a shame, but it wasn’t bad.  But Tokyo Ghoul √A... It was a complete disaster and ruined the story and the characters (especially Kaneki ugh) imo. It makes things so confusing if you want to watch Tokyo Ghoul:re afterwards too!

So yeah, if you want to give Tokyo Ghoul a try, honestly I wouldn’t recommend Tokyo Ghoul √A at all. Read the manga, read a synopsis of this part of the story online if you want to watch the rest of the anime, but not this season.

6. List your top 5 favourite anime?

Oh boi I never know... I haven’t watched that much anime tbh (I prefer reading manga) and not as many caught my attention to the point that I can call them ‘favourite’, but I’ll try...

Shingeki no Kyojin

Sword Art Online (I know what most people think of this anime but I don’t care. It’s a flawed show but I love it nonetheless. I’m a simple person)

Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works

Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni (they’re going to make a new adaptation soon I can’t wait!!!)

Fruits Basket 2019 (the anime hasn’t finished airing yet but it’s one of my favorite manga and the new adaptation is amazing!)

7. Of your top 5 anime, list 2 of your favourite ships from each show?

Snk: Ereri (duh!) and um... I have several other ships I enjoy but none stand out more than another honestly :/

SAO: Kirito x Eugeo (my second OTP, love them!!) and that’s it lol

Fate: Shiro x Rin

Higurashi: Keiichi x Rena

Furuba: Kyo x Tohru and Kureno x Arisa

8. Of your top 5 anime, list 1 ship that you do not like?

I haven’t said that one a lot because I’m not about spreading hate, and unless someone asks me I see no point in talking about it. Only my friends knew to this point... Eru**ri. Like just... No.

9. Of your top 5 anime, list 1 crack ship?

Ajdkdj I don’t know?? I’m not a big shipper usually, SnK is an exception, and I don’t think any can be called a crack ship lol 

10. Of your top 5 anime, list your favourite character from each show?

Levi Ackerman (SnK)

Kirito (SAO)

Oh damn... Rin or Archer I guess lol (Fate)

Rena <3 (Higurashi)

Kyo Soma (Furuba)

11. List 3 of your husbando/waifu and what anime they are from?

Levi (SnK) - my #1 and the man who owns my heart

Kirito (SAO)

Gavin/Haku (Koi to Producer : Evol x Love) -  I’m totally cheating with that one because the anime hasn’t aired yet lol but it’s from a game that I’ve been playing every day for almost a year now and this man is definitely 100% my husbando, can’t wait to see him animated!! (Haku is his Japanese name apparently but in the English version of the game he’s called Gavin)

12. Favourite anime genre?

Damn, again, I have no idea lol. I guess I like it when there’s not too much drama and not too much humor, like just the right amount of both? Then I like when there’s a touch of fantasy, or if it’s an Isekai. It’s easier for me to say which genre I don’t like tbh lol

13. Weirdest anime you have seen?

Weirdest? Hmm... Let’s go with Shinsekai Yori (From the New World) Honestly I liked that anime, some parts were total genius like holy damn! But when I started watching it I was so confused and kept asking myself “what am I watching? What’s going on?” but I kept watching it nonetheless because I was so curious :’) It isn’t a bad kind of weird, but some parts really grossed me out, like.. The rats... *shivers*

14. Subbed or dubbed?

Subbed, always!!

15. Fanart or Fanfic?

I only read fanfics for Snk tbh (once upon a time I was reading Naruto fics lol), so let’s say Fanart (tho I like both)

16. Protagonist or antagonist?

Depends on the character and the story, but mostly protagonist

17. Funniest anime you have seen?

I haven’t watched a lot of comedy anime, so I’ll go with Great Teacher Onizuka (GTO)

18. Saddest anime you have seen?

Oh boi... I have a few for which I cried my eyes out honestly...

First: Uta Kata. I’ll never forget how fucking depressed I felt at the end of this anime. I watched it in middle school and the ending got to me so hard, I still remember how I felt even after all this time (I wonder how I’ll feel if I rewatched it now?)

Then there’s also Clannad, I was crying my eyes out for several episodes in the After Story, and since Roxi mentioned it, AnoHana. 

19. Anime character you dislike the most?

Okay, easy one. No matter how many times I see him, no matter in which version because somehow he’s like a cockroach and can’t stay in one fucking anime, I always feel like putting my hands inside my computer and strangle him: Mato Shinji.

It’s insane how he was voiced by the same seiyuu who gave his voice to my favorite character of all times! It blew my mind when I realized that; Kamiya Hiroshi sure is an amazing voice actor!

20. Recommend an anime movie?

I highly recommend the first movie I talked about, A Whisker Away, but that’s not the one I want to recommend now though.

Maquia: When the Promised Flower Blooms (or Sayonara no Asa ni Yakusoku no Hana wo Kazarou)

This movie is just simply amazing and beautiful, though I must warn you that the plot is quite angsty. Like I definitely cried at the end of that movie too. It’s set in a fantasy world, and... okay I suck at summary so let me just copy/paste one:

“Though only 15, Maquia knows she will live for centuries without aging past adolescence. She belongs to the Iorph, a clan of ageless beings just like her. Maquia's elders warn her not to fall in love with anyone outside their realm, lest she wish to encounter true loneliness in the end. But fate pushes Maquia out into the mortal world one night, when an invading territory separates her from the clan. There she discovers an orphaned baby, Ariel, and takes him in as her own child. From this point, Maquia will suffer extreme heartbreak in the name of motherhood, as she watches Ariel grow and seeks to reconnect with her lost Iorph friends, all torn apart by the cruel world of Mesate.” 

100% recommend it if you’re not afraid of drama and like fantasy!!

------

Damn that was a long tag game!! Sorry, I ramble a lot :’)

I tag: @talkereritome, @dearlevily, @soapy0-0, @jaegerists, @flamoria, and anybody else who wants to do this! It’s a long one so only do it if you’re up to the challenge ;)

[littlemeowmeowschimmy]

Sugar Daddy [Hoseok x Reader] 9

credit: littlemeowmeowschimmy

Requests opened // prev - m.list - next

Genre: Romance // Angst // Smut

Summary: A sudden request to be one of the most powerful man’s sugar baby comes apart of your life, it’s hard to turn it down. However, through the process of this relationship, you slowly start to feel for him..but then again, you become extremely wary of the position you’re in. Will this end well…?

WC: 2.3k

A/N: Ah sorry for whomever asked to be tagged. I wrote it down somewhere and then lost it D: Just send me a message (dm or through ask) and I’ll put you on the next chapter for the tag list! Anyways, here’s the next update, sorry loves it’s been awhile. 

»»————-　★　————-««

You kept distancing yourself from Hoseok as the seasons started to change. Or so it felt like you were distancing yourself from him. Hoseok continued to get busier by the second, meaning that he didn’t have a lot of time for you. Which made you feel like you weren’t good enough in the first place. Although, despite not giving him what he wanted, Hoseok stayed good to his word. He continued to pay for your college tuition, and sending you gifts whenever he could.

Although those gifts were few and they weren’t big either. You were getting a little pessimistic as the air grew more relaxed, and your feelings for him grew distant. Everything seemed to be going well at work, despite your boss knowing what happened between you and Hoseok. That would forever be in the back of your mind as you sat there, trying to figure out what your next move would be. Of course, your career could be ruined even before you started it.

Small thoughts like such ran throughout your every being. You couldn’t help yourself, though, considering that you joined because of your best friend. Speaking of whom, Ayeong had her hands full with sophomore. For some reason, she found him to be attractive, humorous, and everything that was not someone her age. Although you couldn’t deny that his looks weren’t there, you had to step back just a little because of the age difference.

Yeah, it was only two years apart, but something about younger men didn’t appeal to you. However, you shouldn’t be speaking as Hoseok was and is only two years older than you are so you weren’t utterly unsatisfied with her decision. Ayeong often showed pictures of him whenever she decided to gush. Park Jimin was known for his excellent dance skills and innocent mind.

However, as Ayeong pointed out, he wasn’t so innocent in bed. Plus, what he was hiding under his clothes was something to look forward to as she often put it. Since your positions had flipped, you were on the receiving end of things. Listening to Ayeong speaks about how amazing Jimin was in bed, amongst other things. You were happy for your friend, but it certainly felt like you were missing apart from yourself.

Without Hoseok, everything just kind of went back to normal. The world wasn’t as “colorful,” as one would say. It felt like a rush with him, and since you weren’t getting it anymore...

The loud bang of your forehead hitting your desk took you from your thoughts. It was another sleepless night as you had purposefully pushed your final project to the side. Since the end of the semester was coming, you assumed that you would be able to fly by with perfect colors. Not have to worry about your final project as it was due months away. Now, since the deadline was only a couple of weeks instead of a couple of months, you were scrambling to get everything done.

The project was based around your dreams and aspirations. Your professor wanted you to get out of the box and think about things that weren’t so reality driven. The more creative, the better he’d often say. Now with your mind somewhere else, the innovative “juices” weren’t flowing. You sounded like a lovesick fool with how often you thought about Hoseok.

Hell, you even told yourself that you were beginning to become someone that you hated. Maybe you should have listened better during sex education when they talked about the hormones. Perhaps that’s what brought you closer to Hoseok, or perhaps it was because you were genuinely attracted to his personality. Hell, you had only known the man personally for what seemed like half the year.

Now that he was beginning to become distant, again, it just didn’t feel right. When you heard your phone go off, you groaned. Assuming that it was Ayeong calling, you didn’t bother to look at the ID.

“Ayeong, if you’re going to brag about Jimin’s dick, I don’t want to hear it.” You mumbled pressing your cheek against the wooden desk. What brought you to your senses was hearing a familiar chuckle from the other end. You immediately sat up straighter, a light flush escaping your cheeks.

“Whomever this Jimin person is,” Hoseok started in a honey tone. “I’m sure he has a lot to show if Ayeong is cooing over him.”

“I - um - Hoseok -“ You paused fumbling over your words and scrambling to get up. it was almost as if you were seeing him at the front door with how quickly your body reacted to him. “I mean Mr.Jung, I’m sorry about that.” You mentioned pushing your desk chair in and then fixing the cardigan on your shoulders. Hoseok just clicks his tongue in response, later shifting from wherever he sat.

You could picture him in his bedroom, leaning against the doorway out to the patio. Seoul’s lights were flickering from below and his face lightened by the moon. It was almost too stereotypical to picture him holding a glass of whiskey or wine, but you could’ve seen him without one. He seemed to drink a lot whenever you were around, but it was in moderation.

Although, you remembered him telling you about the drinking problem in his family. Why he only had a couple of glasses a night, or sometimes not any at all. Pushing that aside, you too moved towards your small patio. Opening the door just a crack to feel the cool breeze outside. But with how the smog was lately, you couldn’t have it open for far too long...

“It’s good to hear your voice Y/n,” he spoke, bringing the glass up to his lips, then gently set it down. Your heart was beating a thousand times in your chest as it felt like you were on the phone with the love of your life. Or some silly little school crush.

“Right back at ya,” you nervously laughed pushing your doors shut then moving around back towards your bed. You shifted towards the middle, bringing your back to the wall and your knees up to your chest. There, you drummed your fingers along your knees, eyes scanning everywhere so you wouldn’t focus on one thing.

The silence was starting to get to you both, as it seemed like it would eat you two alive. No one said anything for a while, both of you thinking about different things. Hoseok was thinking about how to invite you over to something, and you were thinking about how and why he was calling you. The second you decided to open your mouth, so did Hoseok and it certainly felt like you two were in a cheesy movie together.

Hoseok chuckled once again, the sound sending your heart into your throat and your cheeks to brighten. When he offered that you go first, the silence took back over. How were you going to tell him that you were upset with him not making any contact? Maybe if you were, to be honest with him, that solve your problems, but then again, you were afraid of confrontation.

“Y/n,” Hoseok starts picking the glass of wine up again. “Is something the matter?” he questions pursing his lips.

“Yeah..actually there is.” You slowly started after his question. Since his silence was an answer to your own, you decided to tell him everything. Pieces that you thought would at least spark a conversation. You explained to him how you didn’t particularly enjoy being distant from him.

Although, you continued to stress that you understood why he was distant. Being a CEO wasn’t precisely a laid back kind of job. So you just rambled on for what seemed like an hour and a half but was only twenty minutes. Hoseok patiently waiting and listening as you spilled your guts out to him. Now you certainly felt like you were in a cheesy rom-com with him.

Especially when the line went silent again and the only thing you could hear was the ticking from your clock. When Hoseok didn’t answer, you called out to him. Only to get a grunt and then a sigh on the other end. You could hear him call out to someone, but you couldn’t quite hear their name.

When whomever he called out to got closer, Hoseok mentioned that he needed his car out front. That’s when you put two and two together and abruptly tried to stop him.

“Wait - I don’t think coming over is a good -“

“No, I need to explain myself in person. Plus I haven’t seen you. Be there in twenty.” then he hung up.

»»————-　★　————-««

“This feels way too much like a romcom,” You mentioned when Hoseok broke down your door. He glanced in between you and what was left of your crummy apartment’s door. Since his key wasn’t working, he decided to use his muscles and break the door.

Or what was around your door so he could get in. Meaning you would have to explain to your landlady why there was a gigantic hole in your front door. This also meant that someone could easily take your things during the night if you didn’t lock your place upright. Hoseok inspected the door once again, tilting his head to the side and puffing his cheeks out.

The way he did so reminded you of a little child when they were in trouble. You couldn’t help but giggle at the small gesture, but then quickly back peddle when he glances at you. Hoseok determined that everything was okay and there was nothing to fret about. However, everything wasn’t okay as you had a gigantic hole in your door, but that was beside the point.

“Just hear me out.”

“I kind of have to now.” You mentioned stuffing your hands into your pajama pants. Hoseok gave a devilish smirk before slowly creeping his way forwards.

“You are right,” he starts biting his lower lip. How it empathized with his front teeth and made him look like he was a pouty baby. You stood there, heart still beating a thousand times in your chest. “My schedule did get crazy, and I should have warned you,” he mentions rubbing the back of his neck.

“But, I was also advised to stay away from you,” he mentions now taking a step back as he could see the color start to drain from your face. Who would advise him to stay away? Hoseok was his person, and he should be able to make decisions on his own. Once again, you noted that he was apart of a family company. One in which his father built from the ground and then he took over, at such a young age you might add.

“So you are continuing to pay for my tuition,” you mentioned trying to put the pieces together. “But you aren’t talking to me. Yeah, that kind of adds up if you think about it.” You mumbled noting once again that Hoseok heard you. Hoseok brings a few fingers up to the bridge of his nose and then shakes his head. He then goes on to explain what your boss had told about the cameras.

Then, going on to explain what you feared the most. Your career would when you hadn’t even started it. From the outside, it seemed like Hoseok was doing the right thing. He was protecting you and caring for you from far away, even though he didn’t have to. He was your Sugar Daddy. He was supposed to get sexual favors from you, and you were supposed to get things in return.

This wasn’t a relationship, nor should it have ever been. Hoseok did mention tha the had never done something like this before, so he wasn’t sure how it was supposed to turn out. However, falling in love with someone else wasn’t mainly in the plan. Or was he falling in love with the idea of you? These were questions he was asking himself while also trying to keep his distance. It was the real reason he didn’t contact you for such a long time.

Not the bullshit that he was telling you right now. However, from his point of view, it seemed like you were taking it well and weren’t asking many questions. Although, you did give him a snarky remark and he wasn’t completely okay with that. But, he wasn’t going to let his emotions take over the situation as he didn’t want to lose someone valuable in his life.

When he finished explaining the entirety of your fear, the last piece clicked into its rightful place. You crossed your arms tightly over your chest, your eyes leaving him and trying to look somewhere else. This isn’t what you were expecting from tonight, but then again beggars cannot be choosers.

“So what I’m getting from you,” is what your mouth started to say as your brain was still processing all of this. “Is that you don’t want to continue this..”

“Not,” Hoseok mentioned crossing his arms. “But I’m telling you what the risks are and the fears. I’m also explaining to you why I stayed away for such a long time.” There was still uncertainty; however you could understand where he was coming from.

You weren’t at all sure where that left you and him. Which is why when he slowly started to bring up inviting you out to an event, you narrowed your eyes in his direction. You were unsure of where all of this was coming from, yet you didn’t know how to feel about him asking you to go out with him. After everything he just said, he too seemed uncertain about a lot of things. Now he was starting to play it off like everything was okay?

“I’m going to have to think about it Hoseok.” You mentioned bringing a hand up to your hair, ruffling it just a little and then setting it back on your chest. Hoseok nods his head, then stands there awkwardly.

“One more thing...” he mentions his face contorting into somewhat of an innocent expression.

“If you don’t mind..I need a place to crash. My back tire is completely flat.” and it was at this moment, you wanted to hural your kitchen table at him.

[marshmallowgoop]

This is something I should have edited together.

So here it is: (a lot of!) the sweet messages I’ve received in the last month or so that are in direct response to my anonymous hate mail. 

I don’t know how true it is, but I’ve heard it said that humans are remarkably negative creatures, and it takes so many more positive experiences to balance out just one negative experience. And maybe it’s not that universal a thing, but I can say that it sure feels relevant to my own life.

So, I think it’s important to remind myself that, no matter how much it seems like it’s so easy to attack me but so difficult to support me, I’ve actually received far more kind messages than cruel messages throughout this whole mess. And the kind messages are so much more thoughtful, too—and often attached to real names! 

And... I think that says something when I’m as cringey and humiliating as I am. These folks aren’t too ashamed to say that they’re here for me and what I do.

(But that said, I have removed names from anything that wasn’t a reblog or reply because I don’t want to embarrass anyone. Please let me know if you don’t want your words here at all, and I’ll blur them out. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.)

There’s some stuff I want to address under the cut—along with a transcript if anyone is interested in reading these words but has trouble with the screenshots—but more important than any of my ramblings to follow, I want to thank everyone who took the time to write out these supportive sentiments and who continues to support me. I know these meltdowns are a drag, and I know I’ve been a nuisance. Thank you for sticking with me. I aim to be better and live up to what these messages say.

First things first, I want to clarify why I posted the collage of all the hate the other day. I didn’t approach that well, and I’m sorry. I realized too late that it was a bad decision.

Really, that collage was more meant just for me. Maybe it’s sad, but I’ve been actively writing on this site for a good half decade now, and for a lot of that time, I’ve almost craved anon hate. I was disappointed that I never got any. I wondered what the heck I was doing wrong.

After all, I have so many unpopular opinions. I realized that a lot of the community disliked me—or if that’s too strong a word, I knew they didn’t want anything to do with me—because of what I think and how I feel. But they never wanted to voice anything to my face. I wasn’t worth the effort to be attacked. I was nothing. Nobody.

There’s this quote from Tibor Kalman that I think about a lot: “[W]hen you make something no one hates, no one loves it.” If no one hated me enough to hate me right to my face, I thought, then I wasn’t good enough. I was boring. Easily forgotten. Not worth the effort.

So, getting all that anon hate for the first time? God, it hurt. It hurt so bad. Getting everything I’d always feared the community hated about me—as well as things I didn’t even consider them hating about me—right in my inbox? Ow. I cried a lot. I wanted to burn everything I ever wrote a lot. I wanted to quit making stuff for this community a lot. 

What’s the use? I thought—selfishly, of course, keeping in mind all the support up above. Why do I try? It was cruel and unfair, but I kept thinking these things. I kept thinking, What’s the use when nobody wants me here?

But I also thought about the implications of getting all that stuff thrown at me. And I knew it meant one thing: I’m not boring anymore.

There is at least one person out there who frequently checks my blog for more things to rail on me for. There is at least one person going out of their way to write nasty, awful, mean-spirited messages. There is at least one person eagerly waiting for me to respond, to say something, anything, so that they can hurt me and drag me and push me down.

After all these years, to at least one person, I’m worth the effort. No matter how much the messages have stung and destroyed me, I wanted to keep a record of them to remind myself, hey. Someone or someones out there hate(s) me this much for having a different opinion on a cartoon. Maybe that says that my opinions on this cartoon are worth something. 

I mean, they’re worth this level of mocking and ridicule, right?

But... I could have just kept the collage to myself. It’s a personal motivation. Nobody else needs to see these terrible things. That just encourages the cruelty even more. Why did I publicize it?

Well, it’s not too uncommon for Internet content creators to make something out of their hate comments. I like the trend of turning the comments into songs, like here, for example:

At the end of the video, Madilyn Bailey, the artist, says that the purpose of the song is to mock Internet troll culture and make something positive from the negativity.

But I wouldn’t say that that was really my motivation for posting my collage. Call me silly and naive, but I wanted to draw attention to these Internet fandom issues. Everything in that collage is what I was having to deal with... on top of my normal life struggles. 

While all of this was happening, I was tapering off my anxiety and depression medication because I felt it wasn’t as effective as it could be and because I feared it was making me lose my hair—something that I am extremely self-conscious about. I cut my hair short nearly a decade ago, and it’s never grown back to the same length. 

So, needless to say, while all of this was happening, I was horrified about the big clumps of hair lost in the shower. I was dealing with lightheadedness and dizziness from the withdrawal of my meds (which I’m still dealing with, btw), and I was also dealing with stresses at work. My department has changed management within the last year, and there’s been the concern that people will lose their jobs. There’s been the concern that this occupation won’t be enough to support me anymore.

While all of this was happening, I was stressed about my career, about money, about growing older—the beginning of the anon hate assault was just days before my birthday. I couldn’t see my therapist as much as I wanted because there ain’t enough therapists out there for all this world’s issues. 

And while I know that I shouldn’t compare, I also know well that my struggles are nothing compared to the struggles of others. So, how must it feel to deal with all the crap that life just normally throws at you, that’s probably a lot worse for most people than it is for me... and then come home to messages that treat you like a disgusting, horrible, awful human being for your feelings on a cartoon? For work you offer to a community for free and fun? 

For answers to questions that you only answered because you were asked to?!

Well, it felt pretty bad to me.

When I posted my collage, I meant to send a message about how this is not okay. I don’t want to see this kind of behavior, and I’m bothered that I don’t know how normal or common what happened to me is. Is this an everyday occurrence for online content creators? Have I just been shielded all these years because I wasn’t interesting enough?

I hoped that by sharing what I was going through, it’d draw attention to the problem. We shouldn’t be treating our fandom content creators like this. It’s not fair. It’s sick.

Of course, I don’t want to guilt anyone into supporting me. I don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t criticize me. I don’t want anyone to feel that, just because I was dealing with a Lot in life, any poor behavior on my part is somehow okay. It isn’t.

The comments that probably hurt me the most in that collage aren’t even the “hate” ones. They’re the ones that express that I messed up. That I hurt them. I can’t say I agree with how these feelings were expressed, but more than any nasty, personally insulting message, those probably hit hardest. I hate the feeling that I’m disappointing my followers. In fact, in taking screenshots for this post, I saw that at least one of the people who had sent me a sweet message has since unfollowed. And that—the sense that I should just stop, that my work really is as horrible as the cruel anons say, that I’m no longer someone they want to support because I’m a disaster and a failure—that... really, really stung.

But as I’ve said before, I can’t blame anyone for leaving me after all this drama. It stinks. It sucks. I messed up. I try to be kind, respectful, considerate, but I’m not perfect, and there are gonna be mistakes along the way. 

So I want to encourage—but only if you’re comfortable doing so, of course—more feedback about how to be better. How could I make my content more appealing? How could I handle these situations in ways that are less awful? Could I improve my post-tagging system? My therapist is helping me, but I’d like to hear from all y’all, too. I want to know how to make stuff that people actually enjoy. Anon hate doesn’t exactly help me make better content, but actual constructive feedback will. That’s what I want to see.

But enough bellyaching. Here are some posts I’m prioritizing right now, and I’d like to know which one folks would want to see most:

✄ “ambiguous” thoughts

✄ Ryuko stronger in episode 14, North Kanto monkey versus Osaka monkey

✄ Episode 6 ending

✄ Ryuko and Senketsu interactions

✄ Ripping out heart

✄ Satsuki’s isolation

✄ Things About: Senketsu, Satsuki, Mako, Tsumugu (maybe more?)

✄ Ryuko’s IF story, episodes 5-8

✄ Ryuko’s IF story, episodes 9-10

✄ Anime Revolution info

It’s a lot, I know ^^; And that’s not even close to all of it. But where should I start? Don’t worry; I intend to finish everything here—especially because a lot of these are old, old requests!—but I’m easily overwhelmed, so an idea of where to begin would be really helpful for me!

tl;dr, I shouldn’t have posted that thing the other day, and maybe this long vomit dump about my intentions doesn’t even come close to making up for it. But I want folks to know that I appreciate their support and would love any feedback about how to better serve the community and live up to these kind messages.

Which, speaking of, here’s a transcript of them:

“As a survivor that's ace I think you're handling the ragyo situation excellently and I'm really enjoying your blog so thank you!”

“Sorry you’re dealing with backlash in regards to your opinions and headcanons on Ragyo, dear! While I can’t really say much on the matter, I think it’s fair that you’re being open with us on how you feel and that you’re entitled to your opinion. Does that mean people will agree with you? No, but that’s okay! Or at the very last, it should be...but people can get heated when certain topics come up and that’s when it Gets Messy”

“There’s no right way to fandom, people jumping in your ask to belittle you are jerks. Tbh the first time I watched Kill La Kill I didn’t consider ryuko and senketsu relationship as romantic but after finding your writing and on subsequent watches I totally see it and like that’s the whole point of fandom right? A group of people who love a thing for varying reasons, I don’t understand this need to be monolithic in fandom. Anyways I love your writing and totally understand your frustrations of late”

“Guys, come on. It’s a work of fiction. People are allowed to like whatever they want to like. You don’t like that? That’s fine! But please, leave Goop alone for stating her mind and expressing how she feels about it. She wouldn’t hark you for your opinion because she’s fully aware of how could make you feel. She’s done nothing but pout her heart out about a series she loves, it’s her passion. If someone did that to YOU, you wouldn’t like it, now would you? (1/2)

“I know it’s not going to magically change overnight and everyone will say their peace to feel validated, but I just feel so bad that you’re getting all of this over things that you’ve previously talked about and STILL have to defend yourself for. Your opinion is yours, Goop, and don’t let ANYONE try to challenge that! (2/2)”

“Please don't be so hard on yourself! I understand why it makes you upset when people send hate and stuff but you shouldn't feel the need to justify every single word you say. I just wanted to let you know that I always adored everything you write and I'm completely on your side in all of this. :) I hope you feel better soon!”

“I think your takes are very good; but more important than everyone agreeing w/ everyone elses readings, I think, is that you are a very good writer of analysis and it would be a shame for you to falter in that because of ppls reactions to your content. anyone who harasses you about having the 'wrong opinions' about fiction needs to learn how analysis of fiction functions & find a better outlet :) you are very talented, Goop, please follow your true north!”

“People get hung up on weird things, like you can disagree with someone and not devolve to personal attacks??? Anyways I enjoy your klk content! I look forward to more analysis of the game!”

“man, i dunno why so many anons gotta be such massive jackasses, you don't deserve it. hell, i don't even ship ryuketsu (I lean towards a more queerplatonic partnership interpretation, and im generally allergic to romantic shipping anyways) and i still deeply appreciate the thought and research and care you put into your meta.”

“ik you don't want asks about this but as a sexual assault survivor you are absolutely valid on how you feel about Ragyo. I skip the bath scene on every rewatch, and I find her atrocious. The fact that people are attacking you for this is dumb.”

“Hey man you’re allowed to talk about who you want on your blog. It’s your shit. People are so entitled nowadays and can’t let people have opinions anymore. You’re not dumb, you’re not trying to be offensive. And it hurts seeing how you’re trying to be courteous and step on eggshells and still getting dragged. Like people are allowed to disagree but there’s no need to be rude to someone trying not to be rude. You’re literally saying an opinion. Everyone else relax, my dude. You’re fine.”

“It’s amazing how all these people can recognize ragyos terrible behavior but insist on having to defend her….”

 “Just wanted to shout over all of this hate and say you have an amazing blog and you shouldn’t let this get you down. Keep doing what you’re doing because it’s legitimately awesome. Anyway that’s all I had to say. Keep being you.”

“Hey Goop. Just always remember that even if we're quieter, there will always be more people supporting you and loving you than people hating you. I really hope you don't let these anons destroy your health in a more permanent way. Keep up the good work!”

“Hello! Just wanted to say that I love your posts and analyses of klk so much! I love seeing how passionate you are about it (bc I am too) and I also ship Ryuketsu SUPER hard! I'm sorry if people are getting you down, but I hope you keep on doing your thing!”

trashcanalienist said: I agree with this so much

tolliver-j-mortaelwyver said: …don’t ever let someone else’s insecurities become part of you. 😉

official-raven-branwen reblogged this from marshmallowgoop and added:

Ya’ll got a problem with Goop, you can fuck outta here with that.

#Lookin at you anon

official-raven-branwen said: Why are people being mean to you??! Goop, please please please don’t ever think that your content isn’t wanted. If people are having an issue, that’s on them. They can fuck right off.

tolliver-j-mortaelwyver said: More Ryuketsu! Indeed!

kuribo4indahouse said: Kill la Kill needs you

csolarstorm said: Hey Goop, I sympathize. It’s never easy to share opinions about topics like this, because everyone has a different story, and they all want their story heard by others. I’ve found that you can’t accomodate everyone’s struggles - you can only speak for yourself. Keep on writing, I love Kill la Kill and Iook forward to reading your work.

official-raven-branwen said: You got this! 

kuribo4indahouse said: Don’t worry, and don’t count out the possibility of becoming bigger over time!

gaylo-thymos said: Hell yea, you’re doing your very best to be out there and that’s what matters. Keep bein you!

darthvandr said: Well regardless of recent events, you’re one of my favorite blogs and I’d be sad if you left. So you just keep on being you!

kuribo4indahouse said:

Who the fuck wrote that lol

Are those even real people writing those messages? Who would be this rude over a TV show?

And then they call you “butthurt”… Any self awareness?

official-raven-branwen replied to your post “You’re so butthurt about this Ragyou thing. Get over yourself. So…”

You are awesome Goop! Don’t listen to those asshat anons. You rock and those anons mean nothing. You keep being you because you are enough!

Not sure why you have such awful anons. You are an awesome person. Please know that you opinions on stuff that you (very obviously) love are perfectly valid, because they are your opinions, on your own freaking blog. And to that anon that sent you that message, listen dude, if you don’t like the content Goop puts out, there’s the unfollow button right there champ.

eldritchgentleman reblogged your photo and added:

Fuck the opinions of others and enjoy what you love! They don’t own you, listening to them doesn’t make you happy so screw them with a pineapple.

simon-newman​​ reblogged your photo and added:

Also Ryuko and Senketsu is a valid ship.

eric-coldfire reblogged your photo and added:

Absolute valid ship, op. Ignore the haters and keep being you.

kuribo4indahouse​​ reblogged your post and added:

Just laugh at these Goop.

badgerjaw​​ replied to your post “goops, you’re starting to stoop to the level of those that are bugging…”

I don’t think this anon knows what patronizing means, nor can they tell the difference between getting a big head and acknowledging the amount you do in this fandom. To each their own, nonny, cheers

badgerjaw replied to your post “You realize some of us don’t have Tumblr accounts, we’re coming over…”

At least the shirt in question can consent; wonder if these nonnies are gonna get on the people who abuse their non-sentient socks?

“I'm sorry. I don't always necessarily agree with the ideas, but I haven't been offended.”

“And I know you're like, you know, a reasonable, nice person. So even if you did say something that came off as offensive, I wouldn't be up in arms about it, you know?”

“Hey Goop, I know this is coming really late but here's what I wanted to say

“You didn't deserve any ounce of that anon hate.

“I'm just absolutely stunned. There was nothing wrong with what you posted. Not then, not now. Because all you were doing was expressing your OWN interpretations. You weren't trying to claim anything as set-in-stone fact

“And... I don't understand. I don't understand why people are SO angry that another person has an opinion they don't share. In the end, what are we talking about here? An anime...

“Don't get me wrong. The topics you discussed were indeed important to talk about, and fiction definitely does influence reality. But the fact of the matter is that, when it comes down to it, your posts were simply you sharing some headcanons about some characters from an anime

“And... when you look at the grand scheme of things, I really do think those anons are really quite pathetic. I mean. Consider what sort of person they have to be so get SO angry over a post like ‘Hey I think Ragyo might be ace’ and say ‘How can you be this STUPID Ragyo is OBVIOUSLY a lesbian and YOUR WHOLE BLOG IS A BAD TAKE’ like really?????

“Actually you didn't even say ‘Ragyo might be ace,’ it was more of a ‘I personally feel like Ragyo is ace’ and?? What's the issue with that?????/

“I'm sorry if I'm rambling but I'm so upset that you're upset cause of those anons and all the hate you got over NOTHING

“Also, don't discount the fact that there are indeed people out there who agree with you. I know you mentioned that you don't think anyone shares the same opinions on Ragyo as you do. But in all my years of following you, I've realized one thing

“You and I... have the same opinions on EVERYTHING????????

“But let me be clear. That's not why I support you. It doesn't matter if we have the same headcanons. 

“Even if I disagreed with everything you said, I'd still support you. Because it's not the headcanons that matter—it's how respectful you are and how you're always trying to better yourself. You always try SO SO SO hard to express yourself in a reasonable and kind way, and you are always trying to be mindful of your wording and considerate of other people's opinions

“It really upsets me to see you apologize so much to people who don't deserve an apology.”

“Hi, Goop. I want to thank you for everything you do on this blog. I started getting into your Kill la Kill content in around 2016. I even keep a copy of your meta book downloaded on my phone to reread every now and then. 

“I think what I like so much about your writing is how in-depth and supported and thoughtful it all is. Kill la Kill is so easy for people to write off as just a flashy, over the top, fanservice show. I think the biggest takeaway from the show is that it truly is a story about friendship and love, and I’m glad that you write so, so much about this. It always gets me all giddy and excited when I see you post something new or when you reblog your old stuff. I first watched the show in 2014, then I rewatched it two more times, knowing that I liked it, but not knowing exactly why. 

“Until I started reading your blog. It’s really thanks to you that Kill la Kill is now my unbeatable, number one favorite anime ever. 

“You put into words so eloquently what I’ve always felt towards Kill la Kill since I first watched it. I want you to know I really appreciate you. Please know you have my support, and I hope you keep doing what you love.”

“First off HAPPY BIRTHDAY~ 

“I just hope that anon finds something more fulfilling than spewing hate and nonsense. Like model trains, or magic tricks. I know my life got a lot more bright when I kept my nose out of people’s business and started focusing on the things I love to do.”

“I'm sorry that you have to deal with these trolls. :/ Some people just like to get a reaction. 

“*would talk more but feels that the conversation is past its expiration* 

“I respect you for expressing your opinion. Lord knows how illegal that is when insecure people get offended.”

“super late at night for me and I should be sleeping but I saw all your responses and how you tried to handle things and just felt really bad. You're in a situation that things just can't be solved with a simple logical response. Like I said sometimes people just have a view and when they disagree they just need to attack others who are part of that disagreement.”

kurouga replied to your post “[[MOR] I already knew people felt this way about me, but I guess…”

You don’t know if it needs you? At times like these I’d say the fandom doesn’t deserve you. It’s always mind-boggling – and yeah, saddening – to recognize how readily people forget how to be civil and begin to hold the meaning they see in fiction as more important than the feelings and experiences of others. Meanwhile you’re classy, humble, patient, and resilient enough to have retained these qualities where so many others… haven’t. Nothing short of inspiring.

I’d say it’s reflective of the cancerous state of fandom environments that it’s so much easier to win support with sweeping, neat and tidy divisiveness – that is, by resorting to discouraging, dismissing, or ridiculing differences in opinion – than it is to garner support as a thoughtful proponent of discussion.

Those who would argue “This fandom would be perfect if only those people who have other opinions/ships would just *stop* already” are those who would rather reign over a wasteland than accept that their views aren’t threatened/invalidated by the existence of differing views. And they almost certainly don’t appreciate the irony in that the perfect victory they envision is one in which what remains of the fandom is all cut from the same cloth. Never stop being you, goop.

“Hey uh saw that you're going through some brutal stuff with a anon. But I wanted you to know you're handling it like a champ and hopefully they'll get on with their life soon!”

“No problem I always look forward to getting notifications for your posts. It's kinda sad that you can't talk about opinions on here without someone getting upset but I hope that doesn't stop you from continuing!”

“You write a lot about things and you're sure to upset someone but at least you're being honest and always try to resolve disagreements realistically. I'm sorry that you're crying and all but I hope you do feel better soon! It's gonna be your birthday after all ✌️”

“I don’t know if I clicked the right button. Sorry. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I really, really respect your work and to thank you, because you bring so much happiness to life of me and my other friends. Keep up with your good work and continue to share love for Kill La Kill and for t h e m. *salutes*”

“hey! heard you'd been getting shit lately from people deliberately seeking to misunderstand the work you've put into the KLK fandom over the years (doubt you'd remember me but i'm still [blurred for privacy] on AO3). even though i don't use tumblr anymore on a regular basis, of all the people i met and knew, even tangentially, in this fandom, you've always stuck out to me as one of the loveliest and most dedicated fans and my favorite meta writer, period. please keep it up!”

korra-n-stuff​​ replied to your post “You realize some of us don’t have Tumblr accounts, we’re coming over…”

can these anons please go away? you’re wonderful goop, dont change. These people just has sticks in their asses

fromtheriverbanks​​ replied to your post “Guys, come on. It’s a work of fiction. People are allowed to like…”

I love your analysis. I tend to agree with the stuff about Ryuko and Senketsu and think it’s a big part of what makes the show beautiful. If there were PhDs in Kill la Kill, you would deserve one.

[pintofteaforthesoul]

Bodyguard Part 3, Jurdan AU

Jude cursed herself for being so foolish, trudging through the parking garage. Cardan being a prince wasn’t the issue, she had to remind herself, the person attempting to poison him was. Jude puzzled over it as she drove back to Cardan’s apartment. The sun was just beginning to set, the strange twilight lightning making it almost necessary to use her headlights but not quite. It could be related back to an attempt on the King’s life, some way of hurting the King’s position. But the King had many brothers, and sisters for that matter- so why pick Cardan?

The hands-free rang through the car and Jude answered, expecting her sister to ramble about something, but Ghost’s voice rumbled through the car. “We have a situation.”

Jude groaned audibly. She was so tired of hearing the phrase. “What is it?” She spoke with more patience than she expected, knowing it couldn’t be horrible if Cardan was restricted to his apartment.

“Cardan snuck out. We’re looking for him now.” Ghost sounded genuinely ruffled, annoyed at being outfoxed by a model.

“Don’t bother. I’ll get him.”

Ghost sounded surprised. “You know where he went?”

Jude sighs. “I have a pretty good guess.” She took a sharp right, hanging up the phone with press to the button on the wheel. Cardan might be spontaneous, but he was also a creature of habit. Every Friday he went to the same club- Lux.

Lux was one of the most popular clubs in the city, always teeming with people no matter what day of the week it was. Music drummed so loud that it vibrated the concrete under Jude’s feet. Arcs of multi-colored lights illuminate the now dark street as she approached the door, ignoring the long line of expectant patrons lined around the block.

The large bouncer gives her a once-over, noticing the distinct lack of cleavage in her tactical black outfit. “Piss off.” He spit at her, smelling distinctly of sweat and cigarette smoke.

Jude flashed him her badge, smug grin on her face as his eyes widened. With a small nod, he stepped aside and opened one of the black doors for her. Jude grimaced before entering. The music is almost unbearable in the actual club, pumping her blood in time with the bass. Jude scanned the amassed crowd. Lux was two levels, the low level with a raised ceiling and large dancefloor and upper practically a wrap-around balcony that overlooks the dancefloor. The dancefloor was surrounded by seating areas under the second floor, one full wall spread with a massive bar that was packed with patrons.

Cardan would more than likely be on the second level with his groupies, but Jude stares at the dancefloor anyway before making the decision to go upstairs. When a break happens in the crowd- she sees him.

Cardan is wearing a loose white shirt with frilly sleeves, leaving his chest open to the light. There’s a smile on his face as he dances with his partner, the guy Nix from the other night. Sweat glistens on their skin and Jude’s teeth grit as she watched Nix grinding up on him, hands disappearing under Cardan’s shirt.

It was impossible to get to them without going through the crowd, but she wouldn’t be able to push past all of them using force. Jude groaned, the sound being lost to the wind. She would have to dance to them.

Before she lost her nerve, Jude unzipped the leather jacket she hardly ever took off. It left her in a tank top that would’ve gotten her past the bouncer without an issue, but she had no choice. To move, she’d have to blend in. Jude tucked the jacket in a corner where it would hopefully not get stolen or stepped on before making her way onto the dance floor.

The moment her feet touched the dancefloor, Jude lost her sense. Her body felt lighter, the weight that always pressed on her shoulders all but disappearing. She gasped, a smile creeping over her lips as the music took on an entirely different cadence. Excitement bloomed in her stomach, making her forget exactly why she’d come in the first place.

Someone nearby pulled her into a dance and Jude moved with him. She giggled along with him, moving in time with his hips near hers. Jude began to bounce between partners, nearing the center of the floor with every step.

Finally, a familiar set of hands found hers and Cardan’s dark eyes came into view. “Jude?” Her breath was fast and shallow, another giggle bubbling up in her throat. At some point in dancing, her hair had come down from the high ponytail she always kept it in. Cardan swirled it around his finger, eyes taking her different appearance. He grins lazily, but there’s a hint of nervousness in his eyes. “What are you going here?” Cardan asks her, but Jude’s eyes are dazed.

Jude smiles back up at him, hands skimming down Cardan’s sides as she moves in time with the music.

Nix moves behind him, pressing kisses to Cardan’s neck. “She’s the one who dragged you from the party, who took you for herself?”

Cardan had stopped dancing and slowly began to gyrate his hips to not gather attention. Jude was foolish to have followed him here. “She is.” He answered Nix’s question.

Nix’s hands traveled lower on Cardan’s torso. “Is she your girlfriend?” Cardan’s eyes roved over Jude as she danced against him, not caring whether he danced back or not.

“No.” Cardan murmured, hands tightening on Jude’s body as she moved to wander away. “She’s supposed to protect me.”

Nix chuckles in Cardan’s ear. “She’s not like us then.”

“No.” He repeats, unsure quite what to do. Cardan noticed the music pause for a fraction of a second and some of the daze fades from Jude’s eyes.

Jude felt light until the music paused and everything crashed back down on her at once. The music started up again, but the lightness didn’t follow. Jude found herself in the middle of dancefloor with only a slight haziness that answered how she got there. Cardan was before her, hands gripping her sides. She gave him a look before turning around. She didn’t understand what had happened. Magic had been rare in the kingdom ever since the fall of Elfhame, so how could it be present in a club- unless someone had specifically used it on her. She narrowed her eyes around the crowd, looking for some kind of culprit but found none.

With extreme effort, Jude turned back to Cardan and wove her hands around his neck, feeling the silky black strands at the nape of his neck. Nix had stepped back a little, his hands still on Cardan’s weight but with a curious expression on his face. Jude schooled her expression back to the dazed and dreamily look, leaning forward to whisper to Cardan. “We need to leave.” She had a sneaking suspicion and wanted to get Cardan out of the club as fast as possible.

Cardan nodded to her, for once not arguing. He leaned over to Nix and pressed a quick kiss to his lips with a promise of future meeting. Jude wound her hand in Cardans, surprised at the rush of warmth she felt up her arm, and led him back off the dance floor.

Now outside the club, leather jacket back in place, Jude dragged Cardan to the car. He remained quiet while she drove. Cardan looked over to her, head tilted with shining eyes. “You dance quite well. I almost thought you liked me.”

Jude flushed, thankful for the darkness that hid it. “Hardly. From now, you won’t be leaving my side. You aren’t taking the threat to your life seriously, so I’ll take it seriously for you.” Cardan sat back in the seat, long legs somehow curved to perch on the dash. Before he could respond, the hands-free rang. “Yes?”

“Jude! I’ve been calling for hours! You missed the cake tasting!” Taryn’s voice burst through the speakers, making Cardan’s eyebrows raise.

Jude glanced at the clock in shock. She’d been in the club for three hours. “Sorry, T, I’m with a client right now.”

“Hello.” Cardan drawled, voice taking on the flirtatious tone he used on his groupies.

“Oh.” Taryn hadn’t expected a man’s voice. “I’ll leave you two alone then. You’re coming to my fitting tomorrow right?” The desperate twinge made Jude sigh.

“I’ll try my best, but I’m in the middle of a job…”

Taryn didn’t give her the chance to finish the excuse. “You’re always in the middle of a job! This is my wedding, Jude! You’re my maid of honor! You have to come to the fitting.”

Jude grumbled something under her breath, but it was Cardan who answered, “Of course, she’ll be there. On my honor, Jude’s sister.”

Taryn squealed in delight and Jude cut her off, ending the call with a glare in Cardan’s direction. “I meant it when I said you were never leaving my side. If I go to that fitting tomorrow then you are too.” It broke so many rules of protocol, but Jude had little choice. She didn’t trust anyone else to do the job right.

Cardan merely waggled his eyebrows at her, passing streetlamps illuminating his handsome face. “It’ll give me more time to get to know you.”

~~~

A little more plot heavy this time, but i’ve got good things in store. Lemme know if you have anything you’d like to see, general thoughts, or if you want to be tagged in this for the future. <3

Tagging: @corporalniks, @daddycardan, @andromeddea, @landofpetrichor, @ladyof-starlight, @nish247, @cute898, @fangirlinghard-spoilerson, @cardans-tail, @nitrot150, @outofstyles13, & @gamer670

[sheridans-dynamos]

She’s A Killer Queen, Young And Sweet, Only Seventeen Part 2

Pairing: Roger Taylor x reader (past and eventual) Brian May x reader (past) Freddie Mercury x reader (past) John Deacon x reader (past)

Summary:  It’s 1989. Jamie Y/L/N is 19, and she’s getting married in 2 weeks. She’s spent her entire life on a small island in Greece, Kalokairi, with her mom Y/N. She’s never met her father, she doesn’t even know his name. She’s always felt like there was a piece of her life missing. One day, she finds something in her mom’s journal that may be the answer to the question that has been on her mind for as long as she can remember. Or it may just raise plenty more…

A/N: Here’s part 2! This is the Brian chapter, then there’ll be Freddie and Deaky. After that we’ll be done with the flashbacks and get back to 1989! If you want to be tagged, comment or send me an ask!

August 17th, 1969

Roger had left 4 days ago. And you were still constantly crying. You were sad, but you were also angry. How could he do this? You thought he loved you. But clearly he didn't. You were just a vacation fling to him. A distraction, while his fiancée was waiting for him back in London. You were mad at him, but also at yourself. Why did you let yourself fall for him so easily? You knew he would be trouble the moment you laid eyes on him. But you ignored the feeling and let him in your heart. And then what did he do? He took it, broke it and tore it all apart. Just like you knew he would.

You rose from your bed in the abandoned hotel, deciding you had done enough sulking. You were determined to not let Roger Taylor ruin anymore of your time here. So you decided to go to your second favorite place on the island after the hotel. It was the little bar Roger had taken you to the day you met. You went there nearly everyday with him, so maybe it wasn't such a great idea to go back there, but Althea, the lady who owned and ran it, was so sweet and you were in dire need of a friendly face right now.

“Y/N! How are you my dear? I'm so sorry for what that boy did to you, he ought to get smacked,” her tone was harsh, but her features soft as she pulled you in for a hug. You smiled at her, glad to have come here.

“I'm alright I guess. But I'll be much better after a few drinks,” you said and she chuckled.

“Go sit somewhere honey, I'll bring 'em to you in a few.”

You nodded and thanked her, making your way to your usual table, plopping down on the chair without even bothering to see if the table was free.

You were playing with your nails, your head filled with thoughts of Roger. God, you felt so pathetic.

You felt eyes on you and lifted your gaze to the seat across you. A man with a big mop of curls was looking at you, his eyes gentle. A smile formed on his lips when you finally noticed him.

“Hello there. Are you alright? You seem.. distracted,” he spoke. His voice was so soothing, making you feel better already.

“Um yeah. Well, I've been better to be honest,” you trailed and he nodded lightly.

“Sorry for just crashing your table, I was lost in thought and wasn't paying attention.”

“No need to apologize. Is there anything I can do to help?” He asked.

“Depends, how'd you feel about murder?” You replied, only half joking.

He raised his brow, and you just sighed.

“Men are pigs,” you grumbled.

“Ah, that's what it is then. Some foolish chap broke your heart?” he guessed.

“Am I that obvious?” You asked with a dark laugh. Tears were threatening to spill from your eyes, and you fought hard to keep them at bay. You really didn't want to start crying in front of this nice man. He was probably here on vacation, he didn't sign up for dealing with a broken hearted girl, crying about some guy she didn't even known a month ago.

“Hey, don't cry, please.” He reached over, putting his hand delicately over yours, gently rubbing his thumb over it.

“Do you want me to leave you alone? I can go sit somewhere else, if you'd like,” he asked you softly.

You gave him a small smile, shaking your head slightly.

“Actually, I really don't feel like being alone right now. If you don't mind sitting with a crying girl who probably looks like a gigantic mess?”

He chuckled lightly. “Not at all. And you're quite beautiful actually, definitely not a mess.”

His smile and kind words made you blush, you turned your head to mask it.

“Thank you,” you said quietly, both for the compliment and for him agreeing to stay with you. You weren't thinking about Roger as much while you were talking to him, it was a welcomed distraction.

“Oh, I'm Y/N by the way,” you told him, looking at him once more. He was quite a handsome man. And he looked like the complete opposite of Roger, which was exactly what you needed.

“Brian,” he said, his smile never leaving his face. Even that was very different from Roger. Roger's smile was smug, teasing. While Brian's was probably just about the kindest you'd ever seen.

Althea made her way to your table, bringing you your usual drink.

“Here you go dear,” she paused, looking at you, then Brian and back to you again. “It's good to see you smile again.”

“Um, yeah.“ You blushed, taking your eyes off Brian and turning to face her. “Thank you, Althea.” You smiled at her, grateful to have such a sweet woman who seemed to care a lot about you, even though you'd only been here a short while.

“Have fun,” she said with a wink as she left, making you blush again. Brian chuckled softly.

“Have you been here long? I haven't seen you around before,” you asked him after taking a sip of your drink.

“No.” He shook his head, his hair bouncing as he did, making a small laugh escape your lips. “I just got here today. Was looking for a mate of mine, but I guess he's not here anymore,” he shrugged.

“How about you?”

“Me? Oh, I've been here for about 3 weeks. I was supposed to stay here only a handful of days but… things happened...” you hesitated. Not sure if you should say more.

“Hey, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, it's alright,” he reassured you, his hand resting on yours for the second time. You didn't mind the contact. You enjoyed it actually.

“Thanks.” You gave him a grateful smile before continuing. “So, yeah, France was gonna be my next stop after Greece, but I ended up staying here longer. I'm leaving for Paris in a few days. And after that, who knows,” you said, shrugging. You had wanted to stay on the island longer, but everything here reminded you of Roger, so you had to get away. But you really didn't want to go back home yet, instead settling on your original plan of visiting Paris, and then London. You weren't entirely sure about the London part, afraid of running into Roger, but it was a big city, one you'd always dreamed of seeing. You weren't gonna let him take that away from you.

“That sounds nice,” he said, making you come back to reality. “I've never been, but I hear it's lovely.”

“Yeah. Hopefully a change of scenery will take my mind off... things,” You replied, the last word barely audible. “Anyway. How are you liking the island? It's beautiful, isn't it?” you asked, eager to change the subject.

“Oh yes, it's absolutely gorgeous,” he exclaimed. “I wish I had more time to explore, but I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon.”

“Tomorrow?!” you cried, and he chuckled at your outburst, nodding in acknowledgment.

“Oh no. No that won't do. Not at all,” you rambled, getting up from your seat abruptly and leaving some money on the table to pay for your drink.

“Come on!” You exclaimed excitedly, extending your hand out to him. He looked at you, a confused expression on his face, but accepted after a second and took your hand, smiling to himself as you dragged him towards the exit.

~

It felt a bit weird, sitting on that same balcony again, but with a completely different man. But Brian was leaving tomorrow, and he couldn't possibly leave without seeing the view from there.

You took your eyes off the sea to look at him, and saw that he was gazing up at the stars.

“I love the night sky.” It came out as a whisper, but he still heard you, turning his head to look at you, a big smile on his face.

“Me too. I absolutely love everything about space.”

“What else do you like?” You asked him, finding yourself wanting to learn more about the kind hearted man who had agreed to spend his night distracting the sad, pathetic strange girl he'd just met.

“Well,” he started, turning his gaze to the water ahead. “I really love music. I play guitar, actually.”

“Oh? That's nice,” you replied in a cheery tone that sounded extremely forced, but thankfully he didn't notice. Great, you thought, another musician, cause it went so damn well with the last one.

No. This wasn't gonna be like with Roger. You needed to stop thinking about him. Get over him. And Brian might just be the way to do that.

You turned your head towards him, admiring his features. Yes, he could definitely be the way to get Roger out of your head. At least for a while.

You shifted a little, getting closer to him until your arm brushed against his, putting your hand over the one he had resting between the two of you. He looked down at your hand on his, then up to your face, a surprised look in his eye. But it only remained for a second, then his features softened, and a gentle smile appeared on his lips.

You looked down at his lips, biting your own lip as you brought your eyes back to his, not bothering with subtlety.

He clearly got the message, and he started to lean down, but slowly, giving you plenty of time to back away if you wanted to.

You closed your eyes, eager for his mouth to reach yours. His lips were soft, his kiss gentle. You didn't want gentle though, not right now. So you poked your tongue out slightly, asking for entrance. He gladly obliged and you deepened the kiss.

You took his hand and placed it on your thigh, never breaking the kiss. You put your hand on his, slowly making your way up, when he pulled back a little, breaking the kiss and causing a small whine to escape your lips.

“Y/N, maybe we shouldn't do this,” he panted, out of breath from the kiss. “You're clearly emotionally vulnerable right now, and I don't want to take advantage of you. I don't want to end up making you feel worse,” he continued as he took his hand off your thigh and you frowned.

“Brian, I've only had one drink, I'm not drunk, you wouldn't be taking advantage of me. And I may be “emotionally vulnerable” as you put it, but that doesn't mean I don't know what I want. I know that I want this, and that it'd make me feel a hell of a lot better,” you told him.

“Are you sure?” He asked, still hesitating.

“100%” You nodded your head vigorously, causing him to laugh.

“Alright then,” he said lowly, his hand going back to rest on your thigh, as he resumed kissing you, with a lot more hunger this time.

After a while, you pulled back gently, rising quickly to your feet, and extending a hand out to him, much like you had before.

“C'mon,” you said in a tone that was much different from the one you'd used earlier when you said that to him the first time. He grabbed your hand, letting you pull him to his feet and you both headed to your makeshift bedroom.

~

Roger ran into the bar, looking at every face, trying to find yours. He'd gone to his cabin first, but you weren't there, which he expected, but he still had to check. This was his next stop, the bar he took you to on the day you first met, the place you'd gone to with him nearly every night for 2 weeks.

He lowered his head in defeat when he realized you weren't here.

“What're you doing here?” Althea spoke to him in an angry tone, making his head snap up at her words.

“I'm… where's Y/N? I have to talk to her!” He begged her, but she just crossed her arms.

“You've made that poor girl suffer enough. Thankfully, she met a nice, handsome young man and they left a few hours ago.” she told him.

“It's called karma, boy.”

His face fell as he tried to hold back tears. Maybe he deserved it, but it sure as hell did hurt.

 @silverofthunder​  @perriwiinkle​ @sniktorthwip​ @itsametaphorbriansblog  @im-a-mazzellhoe  @geek-and-proud @annas-unicorun @galileofigarog @thewinchesterchronicles @inlovewithmiddleagedcelebs @siriusly-a-nerd

[boozergray]

Okay so I finished Assassin’s Creed II yesterday in the wee hours of the morning (and reminded myself that I’m officially too old to be staying up till like 3 in the morning playing video games when I have to work the next day) and I have some thoughts.

tldr: AC2 was really good, I loved the story even though some of the game mechanics made me want throw my controller across the room, Ezio is a total babe and I love him, Leonardo is his boyfriend don’t @ me, I had Federico for five minutes and fell in love and immediately got my heart broken when he was killed, all of the lore with the Pieces of Eden and the First Civilization was super cool, I love Desmond with all my heart (partly because it’s Nolan North and he’s a gem), and Lucy’s smile haunts my nightmares (I’m sorry but with the graphics for the game her mouth just looks kind of weird on her face like it’s disproportionate and it’s bad and I cringe so hard).

A little background (because if I’m going to ramble, I’m gonna make it thorough) I don’t have a ton of experience with the whole Assassin’s Creed franchise. Eons ago I played a tiny bit of Black Flag when I was dating some guy who’d just gotten the game. And then when I got my PS4 in 2018 I picked up a copy of Syndicate because it was on sale at GameStop and I love me some Victorian England and the guy who worked there said I didn’t need to have played the others to play that one. And then when Odyssey came out, the part of me that’s been obsessed with Greek mythology for the past seventeen years went crazy. I have owned these three games and played them sporadically but had never beaten any of them. Then I hopped on eBay the other night looking for used copies of games to buy and somehow I wound up buying just about every game in the franchise that I didn’t already have (except for the first game because I don’t have a PS3 or an Xbox 360 and I’m garbage at playing games on the computer and also I didn’t get Rogue because for some reason it was like still hella expensive compared to the others). But so I got all the others games and decided to go back to the beginning and play everything in release order. Which obviously makes a lot of sense for the Desmond storyline because those definitely should be played in order in my opinion. And yes, I have gone on YouTube and like watched all the story stuff for the first game and Altaïr’s history and how Desmond wound up at Abstergo because I know how important it is to that whole arc.

Okay into the actual opinions and all that jazz.

POSITIVES: The whole Italian Renaissance setting is just *chef’s kiss* perfection. I love it – the architecture and the atmosphere and the art you can buy and the historical figures you can meet. It’s all so much fun. Leonardo DaVinci was my fave because he’s obviously a total cutie and gets so excited over every little thing you bring him. (Also, I 100% believe Mama Auditore made Ezio tag along to meet him because she knew they’d be adorable together and you can’t convince me otherwise.) I love how the game follows Ezio’s life and all the ups and downs over the span of like twenty years. I’m pretty sure this is the first game I’ve played where you get that much of a character’s life in one game. You get to see him start off as this dumbass fun loving teen who just wants to have fun and then watch him grow to the man who could take on one of the most powerful figures of the time. The entire Auditore family is too precious and I love them all. I was extremely bummed out with how quickly we lost Federico considering how quickly I fell in love with him. The whole story of vengeance and wanting to make everyone who hurt your family pay is something that just hits so many emotional points and watching Ezio go from his initial blind fury to piecing together this bigger conspiracy that he’s thrown into and then having that desire to be done with all his anger and rage that’s been fueling him for so long is just such a rollercoaster. The modern day sections with Desmond and the team are just as interesting and I love how we get to see the effects he’s dealing with from spending so much time in the Animus. The way they did the bleeding effect and the whole dilemma of just how this is going to affect his mental stability in the long run is kind of scary.

NEGATIVES: The parkour got incredibly frustrating at times. Maybe I’m just a bad gamer, maybe it’s just the age of the game really showing, but there were times when I wanted to throw my controller across the room. The assassin tombs were particularly frustrating not to mention any mission that involved having to chase a character who was going up and down to different levels. It took me a while to get a handle of the hidden gun but even once I did it still was more frustrating than helpful a lot of times. The lack of a real stealth mechanic outside of just getting out of the line of sight or blending in with a group of people was super annoying the more stealth missions they threw my way. A lot of the graphics haven’t aged well as far as character design goes – basically every woman looked kind of cringey to me when you got up close and personal.

There’s probably a million more things that I could say but that’s it for now. I’ve started playing Brotherhood which I’m enjoying so far and I’m looking forward to going through all of Ezio’s story.