#Sometimes they're people without a handle on their own issues that cause them to lash out and cause harm

[callme-yah]

I'm gonna preface this by stating that I am WELL AWARE of my own bias in this situation, informed heavily by the way I was raised and by whom.

Taiyang reminds me of my Mother.

This is not a compliment.

My mother tried. My mother tried, all the time, but for a variety of reasons that are not mine to share, she failed. She failed as a parent, and in that failing, emotionally neglected and abused me, and forced me, the child, into raising my younger brother.

It is noted, several times (by bother Ruby and Yang) that Yang effectively raised Ruby.

If you asked my brother, he would say that mum was always there for him and supported him. But ask him who made his dinner, who checked his homework, who made sure he had clean clothes, had breakfast before school, had PE kit, he would tell you that I did that (because I did)

Ruby has said that Taiyang was always there and supportive, but has also made it clear that it was Yang that raised her.

THAT is parentification. That is Yang setting aside her own childhood in favour of raising a sibling. And whether you like Taiyang or not, that is abuse.

Taiyang likely tried. Likely tried all the time, but for a variety of reasons outside of his control (grief, money, depression) he failed and in that failing, emotionally neglected both of his daughters and abused one of them.

Taiyang caused harm. That is an undeniable fact of the series. He caused harm to Yang as a child. Whether you think it's 'serious' enough to warrant the label of abuse is your boundary to figure out and I'm not gonna argue about that. But you cannot say he did not do harm to his eldest child because he did.

So I've been seeing some takes about Taiyang being an awful abusive father and I'm sorry but I just don't see it. He's definitely a flawed father and those flaws have had a negative impact on Yang, I'm not arguing against that, but I see people painting him with the same brush as Jacques, Adam and Marcus Black and it honestly feels like there's a lot of nuance to the situation that people are deliberately ignoring.

[hourglass-dreams]

Encanto Headcanons 🕯🥙⛅⏳🔊🌺💪🦎🦋🐆

Pedro would sing Dos Oruguitas to Alma and the babies when they were either upset or falling asleep. After Pedro's death, Alma would be the one to sing it to the triplets. It was also the song they played at their wedding. (And yes I know this doesn't make literal sense but I just thought it would be beautiful to give the song even more of a significant meaning💖).

Sometimes Abuela Alma falls back into the habit of being too hard on the family and expecting more from them than possible. She either catches it herself or someone needs to call her out on it. She often does apologize afterwards without making any excuses

Pepa wasn't actually angry at Bruno for long after the wedding thing, deep down she knew it was a misunderstanding and she felt so guilty for how she reacted towards him. It was just easier to blame Bruno and not take responsibility for her own hurricane because everyone blamed him anyway and accepted the truth would have been extremely painful especially after he left. That's why she didn't want to talk about him, she knew it would cause a storm because of her becoming overwhelmed with guilt and sadness. She hid very well behind a wall of anger.

Speaking of Bruno leaving, Julieta and Pepa kind of switched emotional roles for a while. Julieta was the one having crying spells and being very outwardly upset and Pepa was the one trying her best to hold it in and move on. It snowed for months because of her cold attitude and growing numbness to the situation.

Isabella avoids walking behind Bruno in the kitchen/dining table. There were too many times where he accidentally threw salt in her face and small plants would fly out of her nose and mouth.

Since Isabella and Mirabel made up, Isa has been trying her best to get to actually know Mirabel, she feels like she failed her and Luisa both majorly.

You know how Luisa takes care of that man's donkeys? Yeah, they're basically hers now 😅. She is the only one who those donkeys will listen to (besides Antonio because he can actually communicate with them), she even has her own names for them.

Antonio has his own little obedience school with his animals, teaching them about how to interact with the human world even though others can't understand them and teaching them to be gentle creatures. (You know, in the best way a five year old can teach 😅)

Julieta has an area in the village that she works at that is a mixture of a bakery and a hospital. If someone has a lethal injury or is unconscious, they have to be rushed to the back and given a feeding tube. Julieta used to allow unharmed people in as well just so they can get something to eat but it became far too much for her to handle so now she just has to let injured or sick people in since that is most of her clientele anyway.

Unfortunately Agustin needs to be extremely careful being around Isabella during spring and early summer, bees surround her. 😅

Mariano reads his poetry to Delores to help her sleep💖 her room is also soundproof though she can still hear things close by.

Camilo definitely uses a lot of humor to hide his issues, often times it works but he will eventually break down into tears and even lash out. He'll turn into someone everyone perceives to be intimidating to try and make people leave him alone (the family knows him enough to not fall for it but that won't stop him from trying).

Mirabel made stuffed animals for everyone before and after Casita was rebuilt. She even sewed Isa a dress ^-^. Yellow butterflies practically live inside of her room also and follow her like they're her guides 💛.

Félix will sing and dance with Pepa and the kids to make them feel better. Him and Agustin will also just start randomly dancing and playing music sometimes and it's so wholesome 😅.

Bruno's room is a lot better than it was since Casita was rebuilt. He doesn't have those god awful stairs or a fricking canyon in the ground anymore 💖. It's a lot more cozy and calming to help Bruno relax. Also his eyes don't only glow when he has visions, they also glow when he feels intense emotion or feels really sick.

Even though a lot of people make jokes about blowing out the candle, it can't be blown out 😅 it only goes out when something bad is happening between the family and or to the magic.

[maevelin]

I fucking love Barry Allen and he definatly has negative traits, but my interpretation was that Oliver stayed good because he doesn't only fight for others. He'll do anything to survive, and sometimes they're bad things, but he stay's good b/c at the end of the day even without the people he cares about most in the world, he will still fight for himself for his own life. He is aching to prove himself to people, or to anyone else in the world. (1)

He does what he does for a reason and people can decide whether they see him as a hero or a villain b/c how the city sees him doesn't hold as much importance as him doing his jobs. Barry's willing to to anything even destroy himself to save the city. He is a hero in the purest sense. Killing anyone, is unimaginable, and even in his darkest moments he stops himself. He cares about how people see him. He feels the need to prove his goodness and heroism, and he has a need to be believed in (2)           

Not believing in Barry Allen, people seeing him as a freak and a monster is something which  he finds horrifying. He fights for people, for his friends, his family, but in the end of the day his goodness, is why he is so corruptible. Look at what happened when he went evil. And look at how he handled is. That meta only inspired anger in him, the rest was all barry. He suppresses was he needs b/c he needs to be a hero. Similar on supergirl on red krypto.  (3) 

---

Let me make somethingclear. I like Barry Allen. I like Oliver Queen.

Let us take that as agiven.

Both of them haveendured unbelievable loss that prompted them to reveal their strength and theirheartbreak, their fears and their ability to carry the weight of the world intheir shoulders and inspire others. Both of them are heroes in their own right.

Both of them had toface severe grief and loss and PTSD. Both of them took hit after hit after hitand both of them have the kind of light inside them that prompts them tosacrifice themselves for the great good and to save others no matter thepersonal cost.

That is admirable.That is painful. That is freaking unbelievably incredible.

There are not the samepeople of course. What ignites Oliver and what ignites Barry is different. Bothof them are good men but they have different unique personalities.

I do not think thatOliver cares so much as to prove who he is to the world. And I think that in the purestsense he is also a hero if not a martyr. Oliver is willing to die a thousandtimes over for his city, his people, the world. He is a darker hero yes but hekeeps sacrificing over and over again pieces of himself and his own life for agreater cause. Yes, he wants to know who he is because he is afraid of hisdarkness and wants to somehow find a piece of his soul that is not rotten orblack or grey. He battles every day with the monster inside him. A monster that was created by the mortifying horrors Oliver had faced. Horrors that would turn anyone else other to a dead victim or a villain (same things counts for Sara Lance too). Oliver wants to feel human and to breathe again but he fights notjust for himself. He fights in the memory of those that lost their lives. Hehonors the dead. His fight is a homage to the fallen. That is a motive that truly fuels him. His ghosts and hismemories are part of the reason he stands strong and gives what he has. He alsofights because there are people in his life that support him and are his familyand he would live and die for them. Oliver Queen is a survivor and a fighter. Heis a hero. And many times he does not get the credit he deserves. The credit hehas earned. And the saddest thing of all is that he does not believe he deserves it at all. Oliver will lower his head down and believe the worst for himself despite every sacrifice and every good he had done and keeps on doing.

Barry on the otherhand is a man that would be destined to become the Flash one way or another. Heis an idealist. He believes in morality. He does not believe in killing eventhough many metas have died during the three years of the show too and swept under the rug. Barrybelieves in making the world a better place. He is scarred and he keeps takinghit after hit but his greatest strength is his positivity in the face of pain. Heis a dreamer. He is an optimist. He is a champion for the greater good. He is ahero. He views the glass as half full and not half empty but of course he isonly human so even he has his breaking point.

So far so good. Bothcharacters have compelling traits to show and stories to tell.

My issue is when itcomes to the fandom many times but mostly when it comes to the writers. To thewriters that many times have put down the one character in order to elevate another.

My issue is with the double standards that exist in the way the collective narrative of the shared universe treatsthose two heroes. Barry is always viewed under a positive light and is alwayspresented as the better man. Always. It is given. He is always the better man even...when he is not. Barry's mistakes are notcoming from a bad place yes. He is young. He is in pain. It is only human to fallapart and screw up (and maybe he has had the best intentions at heart but you know what they say for the good intentions and the road to hell) but the issue here is how the writers treat that action (forboth Oliver and Barry). Even when Barry screws up the result is the same in the narrative and in the way the narrative treats that plot. "Heis Barry" most people of his close circle say and move on despite the factthat Barry’s actions have dire consequences even in the whole world by the rippleeffect. Barry faces pain and loss but the consequences he faces for hismistakes (even mistakes on a 'God' scale) are fleeting and he never learns fromthem and keeps on repeating them. But it is okay. Because Barry is adorable.

Oliver has created his nemesis for this season and he not only he accepts his mistake but is punishing himself for it again and again and cannot take the guilt and for past mistakes the people in his life have put in a corner and lashed out and he took it over and over again believing that he deserved the punishment. Barry has created flashpoint and basically created this whole mess now but he moved on easily in a personal level because the people around him and the narrative itself excuses his actions all the time (and just maybe this is also part of the problem. Because here is some food for thought. If Barry faced the consequences for his mistakes in the same way Oliver is always forced by the narrative to do so then maybe Savitar would not be a possible future version and outcome for him). In the end of the day Barry is always painted in brighter colors. He is coddled by the writing. He gets a do over again and again and no matter what he does he is still Barry and he is still the hero in the purest meaning of the word that is adorable and can do no wrong. Something that obviously was never the case for Oliver Queen.

And you know what? Yes Barry Allen is an adorable puppy and a positive hero and a fighter in his own right but just this once I would also like to give credit where credit is due. I do not want to tear down Barry from his pedestal but I would like for Oliver Queen to get the credit he deserves. Because he does deserve it. Even if the shows have many times tried to make the comparison between the two heroes under a more favorable light when it came to Barry Allen. In the end of the day it is not a competition but exactly because it is not I would like for the writers to remember this and also give to Oliver Queen the same honors and lenience they give to Barry Allen by default.

[applesauccce]

Sometimes the only way I can subtly tell my mom I'm about to have a breakdown is by making a self deprecating or dark joke. Or purposely doodling all over my arms where she'll see it and know to ask how my day went and if I'm OK. I can't directly talk about my issues without severe emotional backlash and basically opening the floodgates of emotion (which I don't want to/can't handle). By using my little coping mechanisms, I can subtly communicate to the people around me who know what I struggle with that I'm having a bad day.

Also, y'know like, doing these things help me to cope with my emotions and anxiety. So, I like, don't have a panic attack or break down. I almost had one yesterday, and the only thing that (barely) kept me together was my coping mechanisms. Doodling on my arms, scribbling in my notebook, hugging my knees to my chest. They all help to keep me somewhat calm and collected until I can get out of the situation that's causing me stress, or address whatever set me off. It took some time to explain to my mom that despite her insistence that doodling on my arms is bad and I shouldn't do it, it helped to keep me calm (somewhat).

Look, here's a simple checklist to follow if you are concerned about how someone copes with emotional or mental distress.

Is the coping mechanisms harmful to the person using it? (cutting, scratching at arm's/legs, biting self, basically anything that causes physical harm to that person)::: gently ask if they are feeling OK at that moment. If they answer no, then ask if there is anything you can do to help them. If they answer yes, casually mention the behavior your concerned about, ex: "Well I just noticed your were scratching at your wrist, and I just wanted to check if you're OK. Do you have a bug bite or something? ". WARNING ⚠ SOME PEOPLE MAY NOT LIKE THIS AND IT WILL CAUSE THEM MORE DISTRESS, WORD THIS QUESTION VERY VERY CAREFULLY. MANY PEOPLE FEEL INSECURE WHEN ATTENTION IS DRAWN TO THEIR COPING MECHANISMS.

Is the coping mechanism irritating or hurting you or any other person? (annoying: bouncing a leg, clicking a pen, tapping on something. Harmful: short temper I.e. lashing out at people, being extremely defensive, basically emotional and mental harm.).::: try to ignore the annoyance if you can. If not, politely ask the person to stop. Just be kind and polite, it's that simple. For harmful behaviors, still be kind and polite, ask if they are feeling alright. People often lash out when feeling unhappy, upset, insecure, nervous/anxious. ALWAYS BE POLITE, GENTLE AND KIND. DO NOT BE CONFRONTATIONAL, THIS MAKES THE PERSON LESS WILLING TO OPEN UP AND TALK ABOUT WHATS WRONG.

Are you generally just concerned that they have coping mechanisms? (OMG she does this to cope!? She must be depressed or have anxiety or something). ::: just chill. You shouldn't really be concerned and/or involve yourself unless it's a harmful behavior or the person directly comes to you for support or to communicate that they are struggling. Don't make it your business to tell a person about aaaaaalll their "unhealthy coping mechanisms, and how you must have issues". It's freaking annoying. But it is OK to ask someone how they're doing! Just start a conversation and ask how they've been doing and how their week has been. They may be honest and open up, they might not. But what's most important is that you took the time to ask, and they know through that, that people do care about them and how they are doing.

Just remember to mind your own damn business and to not be nosy and annoying. There are appropriate times to involve yourself, and there are times when it's not appropriate to involve yourself.

One thing I HATE about the recent trend of condemning negative humour is not only is it a valid and effective way of fucking coping, but for some people (like me) we may be fucking DECADES off being able to talk about shit without making a joke about it. What the fuck do you want me to do, just keep my mouth shut? I can either make a joke to my therapist about how I’m gonna kill myself, and get help, or I can keep my mouth shut and kill myself. I can either make a joke about how I’m feeling online, and get some validation and feel like I’m not alone and get sympathy and someone checking in with me, or I can keep my mouth shut and get worse. I don’t get the option of talking about this shit without humour because I’m not well enough to do that. I can’t just start using “”“healthier”“” coping methods because you say so. Mental illness doesn’t work like that. If I could just chose to handle shit well I wouldn’t be fucking mentally ill.