#Some of these are organizational ok

[cator99]

I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care

[ninja-yogurt]

Thinking about how as a kid I was pretty convinced my cat was kind of apathetic to me because I would pick him up and drag him to my room when I wanted to cuddle with him and he didn't approach me on his own very often, especially compared to his brother who would happily demand attention from anyone and everyone. And how my brother and I got little rubber mice one Halloween and I lost mine and was devastated and kind of bratty about it, and went to cry on the floor of my room for reasons I don't really remember. And my cat, who never approached me in his own, comes up to me with the mouse in his little mouth and drops it next to me.

And I don't think he understood why I was upset but the fact that he saw me upset and decided to bring me something to cheer me up, and came up to me of his own volition, I was convinced for the rest of his life that he was one of the most emotionally intelligent cats I'd ever met, and that he loved me more than anyone else in the world. I swear nearly every expression of love he had was something he picked up from me. He loved being picked up like the person petting him was too impatient to wait for him to approach them. For years he'd come running at the sound of my fingers rubbing together in an attempt at a snap, but when I figured out how to actually snap he ignored it. I wasn't very good at petting gently, and his favorite thing was when somebody used all their strength to push against his head while they pet him. I read a book on cat communication when he was still a kitten and spent an evening headbutting him because it said that's how they say hello and communicate affection, and I don't remember him headbutting everything and everyone in sight before that but he sure did enjoy it afterwards.

When I came home from college he would frequently be standoffish towards me until I, allergic to him, would sneeze for the first time, and then he would demand attention like it took that to be sure I was who I said I was. He would get cuddlier when I sneezed, probably because I would frequently turn to him after and say in a sweet, fond voice, "yes! This is all your fault, yes!" Sometimes he'd make eye contact with me before he sneezed. I think he thought the sneezing itself was affection. Once when I came home I cuddled with him until he was half asleep on my lap and at 1 am I started trying to move him without waking him up, or annoy him into moving himself, because I didn't have the heart to just abandon him but I needed to go to bed. He must have been more awake than I thought because when I fully lifted up one leg so it was next to him instead of under him he just readjusted on the other one, and then did the same with the other leg. It was pretty impressive for a cat who once accidentally rolled off a couch because I was standing across the room and he got too excited about trying to convince me to approach him that he forgot where the edge was.

I took so many pictures of him and asked my family to take and send so many pictures and videos and video chats with him that he also got excited by smartphones, because a camera pointed at him meant he got extra attention. It was so hard to get good pictures of him; if he noticed the camera he got very wiggly.

He had a fang taken out when he was starting to get older, because it was infected, and he figured out how to eat without it but he never quite figured out how to close his mouth consistently. He's always had a remarkably expressive face; i swear he used to smile when he was happy and I never needed to see the rest of his body to tell when he'd been startled. But for a cat who frequently looked confused before, sometimes having one lip snagged inside his mouth really improved the look. My mom started saying he had an Elvis face now.

Losing the tooth did not stop him from stealing a piece of toasted turkey ham from a plate on the table once. I was walking back from the kitchen, trying to help my dad prepare breakfast, and as I approached he decided the best thing to do when caught red handed with a piece of meat about a full quarter of your size is to sprint off with it, which might have worked better if it wasn't a quarter of his size and he didn't have a missing tooth. He made it most of the way across the room with it hanging from his mouth, somehow swinging slightly and dragging on the floor at the same time, before he gave it up. I wish I'd gotten it on camera, because I was the only one who saw the whole thing.

He stopped meowing as much and couldn't really purr by the end. What he'd do instead of meowing was squeak like a rusty wheel if he wanted food and wail like he was dying if he wanted attention and nobody was in the room with him. Occasionally he'd go into my parents' room when there were people around and wail because nobody was in his extra special cuddle spot. For about fourteen years of his life the only time I heard that meow was when he had bladder crystals and had to be rushed to the vet, and when he got stuck once hanging from one of those scratching posts that could hang from a doorknob, flipped his head back so it was upside down in relation to the ground and he was staring at me, and gave one of the saddest meows I've ever heard in my life. (Unfortunately for him it took me a few seconds to stop laughing my head off to actually come help, but he was fine). I came home when he was older and suddenly he'd realized that that wail meant immediate attention, and why not abuse it in exchange for more cuddles.

I miss him a lot. It was my first birthday without him this past week. Last year my favorite present was handmade by my brother, and when it arrived I got extra pictures of it before it was shipped out lying on top of him (cat, not brother). I dreamt about him a lot, for a while, but I haven't since a dream where I spent a bunch of time cuddling with him and he purred like a motorboat. I like to think it was him telling me he'll be ok, even if I don't dream about him again for a while.

[fridgevespidae]

hiiii finally made myself a carrd :D!!!

additionally, for mobile users - sideblogs can be found here!

and i now have a ko-fi, here!

[roseverdict]

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[gallusrostromegalus]

AEIWAM How does the chain of command work? What are the seated officers *supposed* to be doing? What's the lowest rank? What is the least yell-able rank? Which job looks silly on paper but is actually really load bearing? Anything you want an excuse to rant about on this topic?

Yeah ok I'll ramble:

So there's how the Divisions are SUPPOSED to work:

Every division of the Gotei-13 consists of exactly 200 members, 20 of which are seated officers. The top two positions are the "Captain" and "Lieutenant".

The Captain (#1) is in charge of EVERYTHING but directly in charge of seated officers 2-10

The Lieutenant (#2) is in charge of seated officers 11-20

Officers 20-11 are usually in charge of the division's regular/maintenance functions, officers 9-3 are in charge of whatever special projects are going on

Seated officers 3-20 each then have 9 of the remaining 180 rank-and-file shinigami assigned to them to carry out whatever orders

Captains can have Duplicate Officers of the same rank (Shunsui's Co-lieutenants or Ukitake's teo 3rd seats), but they are not allowed to have more than 20 seated officers total (there is no 8th or 13th 20th seat)

...And then there's how the divisions *actually* work.

First of all, almost nobody actually sticks to the "Exactly 200 People Per Division" rule. The rule was put in by the Central 46 to prevent the Gotei-13 from growing too large and becoming a military force that could unbalance the government.

The ones who do stick to it currently are:

Yamamoto (Sticking to the rules out of fear of the C46)

Komamura (But doing other chicanery mentioned below)

Zaraki (AT THE ABSOLUTE LIMIT OF HIS ATTENTION SPAN)

Some Captains are a bit up shit creek in that their division is in charge of WAY MORE SHIT THAN 200 PEOPLE CAN ACTUALLY DO.

Unohana got really creative about what counted as a "Consultant" or "Assistant" or "Temporary Hire" until she finally had enough damn people to actually run the seireitei's primary shinigami and civilian hospital, several major civil services (until the Ninth took over the Archives under Tousen and the Eleventh took over Sanitation under Zaraki).

Soi Fon has done something similar by stretching the definition of things she's "In Charge Of". Parts of the Onmitsukido, Shihouin clan retainers, Mercenaries etc.

Mayuri decided to stretch the definition of what counted as "People".

More commonly, captains will have a handful of people they pay under the table to help with tasks someone needs to do but doesn't need a Shinigami- errand-runners, tech support etc.

Rose and Byakuya have like, six extra people a piece, mostly for small tasks that otherwise gum up the works or that are major QoL improvements for the squad. Tea ladies, messengers, someone who bakes snacks and tidies the common areas. Housekeeping.

Tousen employs like 15-20 extra people in the 9th because they were already on the verge of becoming a substitute social service when he took over. He would have hired more but Aizen didn't want questions. Ukitake and Shunsui employ a similar number of off-the-books division members- Ukitake sort of absorbed the Kido corps after Tessai vanished and Shunsui has a Whole Lotta Finance Consultants.

MATSUMOTO has like. 50 extra people on the books. QOL improvements, minor task monkeys, couple of recently deceased consultants with the latest in new tech and organizational science… Okay, and a bunch of people she hired basically to help them out. Old lady Yamazaki, the two local street bums (you notice how nothing EVER gets stolen or vandalized at the tenth?), a bunch of academy kids from the shitstain districts of the rukongai who can't afford board I mean really I found Daisuke sleeping in with the training dummies did you want me to LEAVE him there?

...And then some people are running divisions of LESS than 200 people.

Shinji keeps forgetting to hire more people to replace people who retired.

Gin never actually figured out HOW to hire new people.

On the Far Opposite end of this nonsense is Komamura, who has gotten the 7th into such a well-oiled and efficient machine that he doesn't actually NEED all 200 members, so he keeps his additional staff on the actual payroll via clever use of Expense Reports.

Furthermore, what any given seated officer is actually in charge of varies wildly not only by Division but also by individual captains.

Unohana puts all her seated officers in charge of specific branches of medicine (anesthesiology, endrocinology, toxicology, etc.) and as far as she's concerned 3-20 are all the same rank.

Shunsui put himself and his lieutenants in charge of the 8th's regular functions (Finance) so he could deploy his 19 other officers to investigate all the fucking white-collar crime he got saddled with managing.

It's not clear if Zaraki ever actually assigned ranks to officers 4-20. He's captain, Ikkaku is is right hand, Yumichika is effectively-his co-lieutenant-but-wanted-the number-3 spot and there is a pack of 17 other guys that have men assigned to them but *what number seated officer they actually are* is a division secret. Partly because, like his favorite captain, every officer that is not his lieutenant is the same rank as far as Zaraki is concerned, and partly because if some district daimyo or minor noble demands to see the highest-ranked available officer available for their trifling matter, whoever he sends is now his "Fourth Seat". He's had as many as a dozen "Fourth Seat" Officers deployed at once!

The Tenth Division under captain Shiba always had the same teams- once you were assigned to a seated officer, the only way to change your coworkers was to get promoted. Under Captain Matsumoto, your co-workers change every week. Some seated officers have as many as 30 people assigned to them, some as little as two, and what officer you're working under changes as needed.

Lieutenant is probably the worst job in the Gotei-13.

It's the same as being a seated officer except you're responsible for the other officers instead of rank-and-file, you have to go to way more meetings and if something happens to your captain, you're acting captain until further notice

Does come with a SWEET pay raise tho

As the captains have to answer to Yamamoto, the Lieutenants have to answer to Sasakibe, the Gotei-13's Shadow King.

Sasakibe is a very quiet, almost forgettable man which is hilarious because he holds the positions of Lieutenant-captain of the Gotei-13, Headmaster of Genryusai Academy, and Gotei-13 Liaison to the Central 46. The man is the single most powerful person in soul society after Yamamoto and Yamamoto's Ex-Wife.

The lieutenants see him more often than any captain sees Yamamoto, often when they would least like to. He has a habit of Suddenly Appearing when they're in the middle of something embarassing.

Chojiro Sasakibe refuses to admit that there is even the remotest possibility that Yamamoto will predecease him, so in lieu of having to take over as "Acting Captain-General", Sasakibe regards his primary duty as Lieutenant-Captain to prepare all the lieutenants under him to become future captains. ALL of them, because he can't actually talk Yamamoto out of a poor pick once the man gets an idea into his head. The twelfth division has been a SHAMBLES because he hasn't been able to change Yamamoto's mind about the importance of R&D vs Reliable Provisioning. Maybe Mayuri will poison himself and Lieutenant Kurotsuichi can take over. She's *DELIGHTFULLY* reliable.

If he can't get the captains to train their (possible) replacements, BY THE SOUL KING'S NUTS HE WILL. He's had to do a lot of work with Poor Master Kira, but he thinks the boy still has potential. Miss Hinamori will need a lot of rehabiliation too, and Miss Suragaki needs to be outright domesticated so Captain Hirako is NOT ALLOWED TO DIE any time soon.

Some of them he's quite pleased with, actually. Master Macheriyo has come out quite nicely, but the Omaedas have always been strong stock in Sasakibe's mind. He was very upset when Seinosuke Yamada left to become the chief of medicine at the Seireitei's private hospital but Miss Koetetsu has exceeded his wildest expectations. Miss Kuchiki has not only filled Lieutenant Shiba's shoes, but gone up a size. He is not looking forward to the impending "Three Captains Kuchiki" situation though.

The Eleventh has always been an unmanageable dumpster fire but Lieutenant Madarame and Lieutenant-But-Third-Seat Aseyagawa put him somewhat at ease. With Sasakibe's rotten luck, Zaraki is probably immortal but he has two of the most organized men in soul society to think for him so it'll probably be alright.

The thing he's REALLY looking for is someone to train as HIS OWN replacement- he assumes he will die first, and SOMEONE will need to take care of Yamamoto-Sama in his place. He thought he'd found that in Komamura, possibly his favorite shinigami he's ever trained, but it was not to be. He currently has high hopes for Liuetenant Ise should something happen to him.

It will not. It's going to be MUCH more annoying than that.

The hallmark of a great lieutenant is that they can take over for their captain at the drop of a hat, and most captains regularly put their lieutenants in charge as "Acting Captain" for brief periods to practice.

Unohana puts hers in charge the most often, because she regularly has to go do surgery where she can't be interrupted. Isane Koetetsu is Acting Captain at least twice a week, and once had to take to role on for a solid month!

Ukitake has semi-regularly scheduled "Dead Days" where he's in the office but nobody is allowed to acknowledge him, so he can see how they run and give concrit to his lieutenant. It helps his division cope with his illness, but one time a picture of him asleep with his feet on his desk and a piece of paper taped to his face reading "I'M DEAD, GO ASK RUKIA" escaped the context of the 13th and there was Bedlam about it.

Zaraki has either never or always had Ikkaku in the position of "Acting Captain" and neither of them will clarify that situation.

Tousen didn't *intentionally* put Shuuhei in charge- he tried to avoid it to keep his beloved lieutenant out of Aizen's Circle Of Influence, but Shuuhei is like a border collie in that if he is not Being Helpful RIGHT NOW HE WILL EXPLODE AND DIE, and so, like a border collie, Shuuhei kept inventing jobs for himself and taking over any random task that was not immediately explicitly someone's job so when Tousen got abducted Shuuhei was doing like 60% of the work already.

Gin NEVER put Izuru in the role of "Acting Captain", he just foisted all his responsibilities onto the boy with none of the authority which has made him a nervous wreck. Captain Otoribashi, on the other hand, casually decided "I need the day off to go see a preformance of Bizet in the 3rd district, Izuru you're captain until i get back, BYE~!" and was only stopped from breezing out the door by Izuru's immediate scream of panic. They're working on it.

[mixingandmelting]

Ok so there comes a time in every relationship where your partner annoys you and then you have to decide if staying with them is worth it cuz you love them more than the person’s flaws? Now for the batboys, what normal annoying things from their partner do you think would annoy them? And on the flip side, what do you think the bat boys would do to annoy their partner without meaning too? (Example: One of the things about Dick is that he has organised mess and he gets incredibly stressed out if someone moves his stuff around without telling him. It’s as basic as his shoes being cleaned and placed a couple of feet in the open from where they were for him without telling him, he feels like an asshole and apologises after once he cools down, but this actually upsets him in canon comics.) (for example for reader: it can be he has an annoying sneeze that goes through you when you sit next to him)?

His Pet Peeve vs His Bad Habit

A/N: Ended up making this somewhat a two-part post since let's be real, all of them would be guilty with crashing unannounced which i posted here😂

Dick:

Pet peeve that you do: touching his stuff

Others have said he's terrible at putting things away, he simply calls it an organizational mess. It works for him so why should it matter to anyone else? 

Can’t handle anyone moving his things. Absolutely, genuinely, no matter who it is

Called and texted you multiple times before over this whether it’s his shoes being placed a few inches away where he usually places them, his cereal boxes in the wrong order compared to how he usually has them placed

“Where are my keys? What? Why would you place them in my desk’s drawer? They belong on the couch-”

There are reasons why he placed things the way they are. It’s not hard to not touch and leave them be

Vents out his frustration and irritation but never to the point of crossing the line since you only move things when you’re helping him out with cleaning his place out especially if he neglects doing some house chores ( laundry, dishes, making his bed, everything)

Bad habit that annoys you: naming things after his vigilante code name

He’s known to be witty and charming with his word play, most of the time being cute or funny. But when it comes to naming, in general, it’s a mess

The name he gave to his boat, motorcycle, car, and weapons are of the following: boat wing, wing cycle, nightbird, wing dings. Yes, this is all canon and it should be telling how great his naming senses are

You swore and even made a bet against his friends that he was the one to give the name Bitewing to the cute pitbull. You later called Tim and Babs to express your disappointment towards them, saying they knew better 

You tried not to shed a tear from how proud you were for Dick to name Bitewing with a reasonable and normal civilian name: Haley. It wasn’t Nugget or Gray - it was an actual memorable and good name

Begged him to not have the plane he planned to have either “night” or “wing”. No Wing Plane, no Night Flight, please. Something normal. He never listens and goes it for it in the end

Jason:

Pet peeve that you do: Incorrect grammar and messes

He’s special because he has two: incorrect grammar usage and his place being messy

Unlike Dick who hates people touching his stuff in general, Jason’s more keeping his space clean

Seriously, anyone who breaks into his room should know how meticulous he is, where even his weapons are hanging on the walls in fancy oak wood frames with red velvet cushioning underneath for aesthetics

He’s gentle but looks like a cherry when he reminds you to make sure you’re not leaving your laundry on the ground or used napkins on the table - like there’s a dirty hamper and trash can for a reason and it’s not for decoration

Irritates him to no end when people misuse words and grammar where he’ll annoy the other person until the correct it including you

Yes he will do the cliche can vs may (“Can you? As in are you able to? Or may you as in you need permission”), use asterisks below your text with the correct word because if it annoys you think about how he feels when you make those errors

Bad habit that annoys you: Messy eater

With him being a fan of eating hand-held foods, favorite being hot dogs and ice cream, he frequently gets food stains on his clothes

Slouches on his chair or couch, ketchup slipping off and onto his shirt and munching without a care while you’re staring at the guy who’s also a clean freak regarding his private space

Lost track how many shirts he ruined, annoying you and himself 

Though sometimes it was appreciated when he’d get up and take off his shirt to wash out the fresh, new stain at the kitchen sink ;)

But most times you threaten to get him a bib or be those pretentious, stereotypical rich people where they stuff a corner of their napkin into their shirts while shaking the numerous shirts you had to wash in a single week

Tim:

Pet peeve that you do: not following directions

He already gets agitated and stressed when no one follows the plans he spent three weeks perfecting without sleep. What makes you think he won’t be the same when you don’t read the package inserts or the directions?

Most of the time everything goes smoothly when reading them. And do you know how much time it must’ve taken to write the instructions while considering all the people they’re selling their product to?

He does admit a some are BS and make no sense

Doesn’t express his annoyance and instead stays on the sidelines, slurping from his can of Monster and lets you do your own thing knowing you’re going to fail. Then once you do and get frustrated as to why nothing is working, he rubs it in how you should’ve read the instructions

“You sure that’s right? It says here you need to insert that part first.” “I know what I’m doing Tim, I’ve done it a thousand times.” Cue the Ikea frame falling. “Maybe you should’ve read the package insert.” “Shut up.” 

Bad habit that annoys you: Napping locations

Where he takes his naps is just as bad as his caffeine consumption and lack of sleep in general

When he’s tired, like really tired, he can sleep anywhere. In the classroom, in the conference room, on the floor of the living room

You found him sleeping on the kitchen table once. As in his whole body lying on the table. How and why neither of you know other than Tim remembering he wanted to rest his head on the table

You’ve begged him so many times to nap on the bed or couch out of concern he was going to get hurt

He still doesn’t listen so you started a collection of taking pictures of the oddest places he sleeps at and on, proceeding by sending them to the group chat. It does work but only for a while since he’ll end up falling asleep after not sleeping for another whole week

Duke:

Pet peeve that you do: common sense

When leaving the room, turn the lights off. When done washing your hands, turn the faucet off. In other words, common sense

He really doesn’t get how it’s so hard to do just that. It should be natural, automatic response

After becoming a full time vigilantes, the bigger things he scratches up as the per usual daily problems but it’s the little things that get to him

Found you reading in the dark once without having the lights on before. He went on about vision impairment after flicking the switch up. He wasn’t amused when you joked how he could’ve sat next to you so you’d get both a reading lamp and body-sized pillow

Don’t get him started with dishes and how they should’ve been washed after a meal not leaving them in the sink for who knows how long

Also cereal. He believes it’s cereal first then milk, reasoning you can control the amount and ratio of cereal to milk 

Bad habit that annoys you: biting pencils 

Does it whenever he’s thinking about something deeply but can’t solve the issue

Whether it’s working on a plan, trying to figure out a case, doing homework

Problem is pencil paint isn’t all that healthy or safe to consume. Also having a pencil have smell like one’s breath isn’t that appealing 

Doesn’t matter what part of the pencil though there seems to be actual indents near the eraser end which once made you asked if a pencil tastes good

You’ve gotten him mechanical pencils and eraser toppers. Somewhat worked only for him to go back using his usual wooden pencils and bite them again

Tries to stop after you went on how harmful biting pencils are, still finds himself doing it time-to-time

Damian:

Pet peeve you do: calling him short

Don’t ever bring it up. Don’t ever mention it. He. Is. Not. Short

Height is not everything when it comes to crime fighting. Skills, abilities, and strategy beats pure physical prowess

He’s not the shortest either. He’s still growing. Drake is only 5’7” at his current age while Todd was 4’6” when he was Robin. Being  5’4” is a perfectly, acceptable height

This also includes all synonyms and phrases. Tiny, small, fun sized. His personality coming from the fact shorter people are closer to hell- 

He fumes and bursts whenever it happens. Literally will get ready wage a battle of a lifetime 

Whenever you do it, he gives you hell by pranking you in every way until you wave the white flag and admit you’re wrong. Usually that never happens and the adults end up having to step in to get both of you two stop

Bad habit that annoys you: tongue clicking

Does it to express so many emotions, so it gets confusing as to why he clicked his tongue without the full context

It could be from annoyance, dissatisfaction, or disagreement. At least you know it’s used for a negative response

Not as bad when he does it because he got stumped since then you’re just smug and getting to gloat you were right while he scowls back

But when he does it to avoid answering you out right or when he refuses to agree- like come on, use your words not onomatopoeia

Ask him if he’s doing it because he’s sulking and it gets him to stop only for it happen again as it’s part of his habit

Cue another reason for a childish war between the two of you where one has to one-up the other

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

Ok actually let's do this

("filter" here is a placeholder for the actual concept being filtered)

I want as much data as possible in hopes of at least making a dent in the issue of how many variants are in use since blacklisting a tag only works if you have specified the exact tag so as long as we all use different styles, people have to specify every single style every time they want to blacklist something.

To achieve this, I would really appreciate reblogging for sample size.

[lynaferns]

The Forest On The Other Side

Chapter 1: I want to go home.

Ver. [ENGLISH / SPANISH]

EDIT: This fic is now on AO3

A girl gets lost in the forest and finds a misterious gate in the middle of nowhere. At the other side she meets a... very peculiar individual who seems to only want to befriend her and play. Everything seems fine. Until night falls and someone else joins to play...

Again, I appreciate feedback about the english adaptation. English is not my first lenguage and I still mess up sometimes.

This is in some way a more "joyful" story than BIOMáquina, still with its dark themes. I wrote this a year ago. By this I mean I forced myself to get it written down and ended up hating it and burning myself out. A couple of weeks ago I decided to reread it and I though it was pretty ok actually, so I edited it a bit to make it flow better. It used to be written more as a script for the comic I wanted to draw buuuut that didn't happen (cough stressed myself out cough forced myself cough don't force yourself to make content out of a hobby, a hobby is supposed to be for your own fun). I'm not completely satisfied with the final draft but I think is good enough for my first ever fic written.

I originally planned to make it a Y/N thing but that didn't last long. But I keeped the original idea of the first person POV. The Y/N stories I've read has always some narrator telling you what you do insert you in the story. I thought of making the MC the narrator, this way the reader can insert themselves like it's their story or they can read it as if someone else is telling them a story. This is also a bit limiting, since the narration is also the MCs thought process and sometimes I may skip details MC couldn't have seen.

AU, Magical forest, DCA centered, Sun fnaf, Moon fnaf, Elves Sun & Moon, OC, Selfinsert, Character & OC, platonic, friendship, slowburn (kind of), Moon is agresive at first, Moon is also a bit of a gremlin, Protective Sun (I think), OC is a potty mouth, Female Main Character, First person, Angst.

The first post where I showed this AU and my first sketches ideas.

Tumblr archive with all of the art, ideas and anwsered asks.

Youtube Playlist which I'm pretty proud of how it turned out :] It's in a specific order but you can put it on mix.

Note: even though I try to keep things light some things may be triggering for some readers.

CW: Anxiety, Suicide ideation, Implied death, Choking, Non sexual abuse.

Wordcount: 9,700 (It's not rounded, that's literally the number Word tells me it's at lol)

Welp.

Here we are again, in the old village house (yey...). Well, 'I am', my family won't arrive to settle in for another week. They brought me here beforehand a few days ago for organizational reasons. They took a quick look inside before they left to see the state of the house, if it needed any repairs and such, and they headed back to the city. While they finish preparing everything, I take care of the house and text them messages about anything that may be needed for when they return.

We haven't been here in years, the house needs some repairs, and I'm sorry for the spiders, but it could use a deep cleaning. We can't do a deep cleaning but I have been cleaning what I can these last few days, at least so that it looks decent... at first glance.

Well, it's not like anyone is coming to visit.

It's a quiet town, until the kids from the town next door come to make a racket with their bikes. They play in our field, scare away the cats and throw cans around. They are assholes.

Anyways, the people in the village are nice. The adults I mean, the kids I used to play with, I don't get along with them anymore. Some of them aren't kids anymore, we have grown up and are going down different paths. But those who are still kids... they're still interested in the only older kid in the town who listened to them and let them do whatever they wanted, to a certain extent.

I don't want them to come looking for me to go out and play. I've been avoiding them by saying that I'm busy cleaning the house and getting it ready for when my family arrives, but I feel like interacting with them less and less. That's why I'm going out to the woods behind the house to get lost for a while, as always. The kids don't go near the forest so they won't bother me there.

There is an area for tourism and hiking but not many people come, some police cars border the forest from time to time but they never go inside. The reports of missing people in this forest have been coming in for decades, only some lost children have returned but there is no trace of any of the adults who disappeared along with the rest of the children. The areas marked with signs are safe but you can't go out of bounds unless you want to disappear with those people.

And I, who right now am alone and with no one to notice my absence if I go missing, am going to head straight to the forest. Don't you think, I don't want to disappear, I just don't like people and I usually go into the forest but I don't go too far away. As long as I see my house in the distance, I know how to return.

I grab my bag with my sketchbook and pencil case, in case I feel like drawing (probably won't) and step out to the back porch. The outer sliding metal door that protects the inner one is rusty and difficult to open. It would be better to oil it but I don't know when it will be done, considering that the broken railing has had a wooden board tied to it for years. I already sent my mother a message talking about it.

I enter the forest and start walking around. It's hot, of course, it's early summer, but it's quite noticeable after being in the cool inside the brick and stone house. That's the good thing about coming here in summer, the houses are made to stay cold inside and it's great, sometimes I even need to wear a jacket. But outside I'm dying, the trees don't provide enough shade. In fact, some trees are missing. I used to have my routes memorized but time has passed and some paths have changed, some have disappeared and others have formed. I admit that it makes me a little sad... I began to walk absorbed in my thoughts not paying attention to where I was going.

I'm walking away, I should go back. I'm not going to draw anything here anyway, and it's hotter outside than inside so I'm gonna to turn around-

I hear screams and laughter in the distance, the sound of the voices produces me an immediate disgust. It's those kids from the next door village. They must have come to 'investigate' about the disappearances or maybe they don't care and they just came to be idiots-

They're getting closer.

I don't want them to see me. God. Don't let them see me. Anyone but them. They're getting closser. Don't let them see me. I can't go back home now. They're cutting me off. Of all the people who could have found me. It had to be them. No, please. Don't let them see me. I have to go further into the forest, I can't let them see me. They're getting closer. Don't let them see me. I want to leave. I want to leave. I'm getting too far. I want to leave. I don't see my house. I want to leave. I don't see the village. I want to leave. I don't see the kids.

...

...

...

Where am I?

Fuck.

Where am I?

I want to leave.

I want to leave.

I want to leave.

I want to leave.

…

—

Now I'm wandering through the forest. I don't want to go back. I want to get out of here. Even though I'm walking in a straight line I feel like I'm going around in circles, and I'm not going to get out of here now. Great. I'm lost. Now what? People who get lost in this forest don't return, no one has returned except for some children.

...

I'm going to disappear.

...

For now I keep walking until something happens. Maybe there's an animal that kills people who get lost, or maybe it's a group of kidnappers, or maybe I should stop giving myself anxiety and focus on getting out of here. Maybe if I find a field or road, or even the tourist area, I'll be able to get out of here and return bordering the fores-

...

There is... colorful graffitis on the trees. Someone has painted eyes, hands, stars and more on the bark of the trees...

What's this?

I don't know where I've come to, I didn't know this was here, in the middle of nowhere in the forest. The trees have red leaves like in autumn even though summer has just started... The first thing I thought was 'climate change's fault' but there is something that stands out in the middle of this entire flat area and it is disturbing me.

In the center there is a kind of circular gate made of stones supported by roots.

Okay, maybe it doesn't sound aaaaas disturbing as, I don't know, a totem with a human figure being impaled or something, but it's giving me a bad vibe. What is this place? Who built a stone arch in the middle of everything and why?

A bird appears flying from behind me and goes through the gate, but nothing comes out on the other side... wait what? how? The bird has crossed the gate, and disappeared behind the stone arch? ...I had to imagine it, it's not possible that that happened. I approach the arch but not before picking up a rock from the ground and throwing it to the other side of the gate.

It's still there.

…

For some reason the thought of going through the gate makes me uncomfortable, so I go around it.

...

...And the rock? It's not there.

I go back and look from inside the portal.

The rock is there.

...

I look from outside. The rock is not there. I repeat this multiple times. Rock. No rock. Rock. No rock. Rock. No rock... What?

Alright, this is weird, this is VERY weird.

Even though it is clear that this isn't normal, I have to go back, pick up a fallen branch from the ground and pass it through the portal. This time I don't throw it, I've grabbed a branch long enough to see it peek out from the other side of the arch.

...

Welp.

I should be seeing not only the branch, but also my hand sticking out of the side, but I'M NOT SEEING IT. OKAY. OK. ALRIGHT. IT'S CONFIRMED. THIS IS WEIRD.

I'm asleep, right? Or unconscious. I must have passed out from exhaustion from endlessly wandering through the woods and I'm delirious or something. No, wait, it can't be, in my dreams I'm not this aware of what's around me. Where am I?

A breeze begins to pass through the gate. It's getting stronger but not enough to push me. The leaves rise from the ground and float towards the portal, none slipping outside, all entering through the stone arch. Suddenly the breeze that had become wind stops. The leaves fall to the ground.

...

I look back for a moment, as if there was something behind me that could help me make a decision. Grabbing with both hands my bag strap I look back at the portal again. Okay. Alright. This is possibly the death of me. I'm going to cross. I'm going to go to the other side. I'm just one step away from crossing. I wrinkle my face and narrow my eyes before taking the last step.

...

Nothing has happened. Everything seems the same. However, I know it's not the same... Or at least it doesn't feel the same!

Well, I've already crossed. I'm gonna... keep walking, I guess, even though this is scaring me and I don't know if I'll know how to go back. For now I'm moving forward. The red leaves have disappeared several meters ago. It's starting to look like a normal forest, except for the multicolored drawings and handprints that I keep seeing on the trees. In fact, it seems like the trees are taller with every step I take. So high that I can barely see the top. I almost tripped while looking up. Whether this is the same forest I come from, I no longer know.

This was a bad idea. I just hope to find something that'll help me know where I am, a sign or the road if possible.

*cling*

...?

I hit something with my foot. There is a ball attached to a small chain on the ground. Oh, no, wait. *cling diring ding* It's a rusty bell, I think. It doesn't have the typical cross-shaped hole or slot, rather it has several holes in a pattern. It looks like it can be opened.

There's nothing inside.

?

There's nothing? But I could have sworn it had rang. I close it again and shake it.

*...*

Nothing.

I'm going to put it in the bag, it's totally a good idea. I'll think about it later, for now I'm moving on.

—

I've been walking for a while now and throughout this time I had a constant chill on the back of my neck, as if someone had their eyes on me.

*din dirring* I hear a soft tinkling in the distance.

Okay, I'm not alone, awesome, what do I do now? Do I say hi and risk the potential danger finding me? Do I ignore the sound of bells and keep moving? It's very possible that whatever made that sound is watching me right now...

“Hello?” Still nervous, I try to say hello looking around “...” “Is someone there? H-hello?”

“-HEEEEELLO!”

“AAAAAH-!” I cover my mouth with my hands as I turn to look at what the hell has greeted me back. I take a few steps back while I look at the figure of earthy and sunny tones who responded, he seems as surprised as I am, I think (with the scream I made, normal), at least it looks like he's surprised. He wears a two toned wooden mask... it looks like a sun, with a crescent moon on its right... It gives the impression of two faces merged into one... Damn, he is tall, he's almost doubles my size. He appears to have two skin tones dividing him in half, his right side being the lighter and the left darker, especially the arm, which also has a light-colored tattoo of lines representing a sun symbol that covers from the shoulder to the pectoral and to the middle of the bicep. The right arm is covered by a long fingerless glove that reaches to the shoulder and is tied around the chest. He's wearing baggy pants with leaves coming out of the waist and legs, some... cloth boots? with a long toe bending sharply and curving in a geometric swirl with a bell at the tips, a bag hangs from the waistband of his pants and falls below his hips. His chest and neck are tied by ropes decorated with hanging stones, metals and crystals, he wears a pendant that ends in a carved symbol of a crescent moon with rays. Some of the 'sunrays' on his mask have ropes tied between them holding them in place and some metal dangling. Some red ribbons along with bells hang from his wrists.

“um... Helloooooo.” He greets again, this time he lowers his tone of voice. I manage to react, I turn around and walk away. “¡ah- eh- Wait!” Nope, I'm not going to wait and see what he does with me, I'm leaving. “He-! Hey!” Nope. I quicken my pace and try to get lost among the trees, changing direction every time he appears in my vision angle. “Human? Human-! FRIEND. Can I call you friend?!” Nope, nope, nopnop, nop, nop, nope. “Friend! Hey!” God, no, god, god, no, why are you following me? “Look, I know what you're trying to look for...! And believe me, you're not going to find it~!” How are you still following me? Where do you come from? “Hey! Listen! Why don't we do something else besides running in circles!?” Noooooooooo... “There are TONS of other activities we could do! Like... HOLY MOLY, look at this stick! Do you like sticks!?” Leave me aloneee... “You aren't looking at it! Okay, alright, you don't like sticks, erm... what might be of interest to you...” If I don't look at it it doesn't exist. “Could you help me a little here?” I want to leave... “Look, no matter how much you wander around, you won't find the portal-!”

“STOP—! STOP FOLLOWING ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!” The sudden scream startles him again, making him jump in place. He stands completely still looking at me. I'm leaving before he gets angry.

“B-but I- ...okay.” I thought I heard him say before I left him behind.

It seems that this time he's not following me, finally... Although I'm not calm, he could still be following me and simply not be in sight. Anyway, I think I'm coming back? I hope I am. I want to find that portal as soon as possible and go back to the house- what the fu-? “WHY?”

He's there. Right where I left him. Sitting on a rock. Waiting. “...! I haven't moved from the spot!”

“Yeah- but- WHY?”

“Because I knew you were going to come back here!”

“...What?”

“Is what I was trying to tell you! You can't leave! No matter how hard you try to find the portal, it won't appear before you!” The Sunman exclaimed.

“…” I'm just about to turn around. In fact, I'm already turning around.

“N-No, wait! Please don't go!” I stop in my track and look back at him. He gets off the rock he was sitting on but remains squatting, almost at my height, a little below. I move back, keeping my distance. He puts his hands up. “Look, I'm not doing anything! I won't chase you! Just- ...don't go.”

“…”

“L-look, listen, there's no way it's going to show up! Well, not to you at least. But even if you find it back, it won't work! It only works when it wants to work.”

“...” Let's imagine that I trust what he says “Ok... and when does it want to be working?”

“...” “No idea!”

“...”

“...”

I'm about to collapse on the spot. At least he doesn't seem hostile, for now. “...” “Okay... Good... Great...” “...” “FanTAS-tic.”

“...” “You don't seem like it.”

*ಠ_ಠ* I could only look to the side in frustration in response to that. I looked back at him with concern showing on my face and grabbing the strap of my bag with both hands. “And... what... do you plan to do with me?”

He took his hand to the chin of his mask and with the other he held his elbow in a comical thoughtful pose. “MmmmnnDUN know! What do you plan to do?” He asked so nonchalantly. He ended up sitting on the ground crossing his legs. “You have a good while until the portal opens again...!”

“...”

“...”

“...”

He started swaying. The silence has become uncomfortable for a while now, but I can't organize myself on what to say, and I don't know if I trust him. I don't even know if he's human, although something tells me he's not.

“You could wait here.” He suggested, breaking me out of my thoughts. “Or anywhere else, if you want. I would recommend somewhere high like the treetops (for no particular reason)! If you're going to wait... But wouldn't that be really boring?” There was something in his tone of voice... “Being there... at the top of a tree... waiting... alone... with no friends to hang out with (can I call you a friend?). Aaall on your own until the portal opens again.” He looks aside for a moment “...” And back at me again. “With no one to be with you.” He repeats the head motion “...” “alone...” Wow... I wonder what he's implying, ahem. “Wouldn't you want to have someone...? ...Someone...keeping you company?” Yeah, yeah...

“...” I guess... “I-I guess I wouldn't want to be alon-?”

He rises to his knees. “That's what I thought! Do you want me to accompany you? Only if you want! But can I?” He clasped his hands together as if asking a favor.

“um...”

“Can I?Can I?Can I?Can I?Can I?Can I?Can I?” He approaches, dragging his knees on the ground.

I'm starting to miss personal space. “Okay! Okay, alright...”

“REALLY?” He started hopping and jumping around me. “OH, ohoho hO! Great! Oh, there are TONS of things we could do! Like... Like...!” He moves faster, doing bigger and bigger flips and jumps, it almost seems that he is very light, as if the breeze of air lifted him. “We could paint and decorate trees! Or we can also paint on rocks! Or paint leaves! Or paint us! Oh! We can tell stories! I'm very good at making shadows and puppets.” He moves from place to place with each sentence he says. “We can also play something!” It's moving so fast all I can see is the wind and the leaves it stirs up as it moves. “Anything! Whatever you want!” Finally he stopped in front of me half crouched. “What do ya say?! Hmm! Friend!?”

“Don't... call me like that.” Makes me feel awkward.

“Oh...why not-? Oh true, true! How silly, I don't know your name! What do you call yourself, potential friend?”

“...”

“...” “Aren't... you gonna tell me your name?”

I twist the bag strap “Depends...” I must say I'm a little skeptical about this. “Are there any consequences for telling you my name?”

“...Consequences...?”

“Like... I don't know... Mmm-by telling you my name I become your possession and cannot regain my freedom until... certain conditions are met...”

“...”

“...”

“Why- how-? Where did you get that from!?” It did sound a bit stupid when I said it out loud.

“I dunno- that's what they say in old children's stories about elves and fairies!” I just hope the embarrassment isn't showing on my face.

“Really?” I could feel his deadpan expression behind the mask.

I shrugged.

“...” “Okay... Oh, what if I tell you my name first? Will you tell me yours? It's only fair, I'm Sun!”

“...”

“Can I know your name now?” He asked expectantly.

“...How do I know you're not trying to trick me?”

“...” I must be driving him crazy with this “The only thing I can do with your name is treasure it in my memory.” He put his hands together as if he was carefully holding something and brought them to the forehead of the mask. I gave him a distrustful look. It doesn't seem like it made him desist “Please?”

I grip at my worn out bag strap “...” “ Fern...” I ended up murmuring.

“Hmm? Fern? OH, I like it!” “Sounds like FRIEND.” He emphasized the last word by making a gesture like jazz hands, leaning to the side and moving his head closer to me.

“Yeah... I think you are missing a couple of letters.”

He straightened his posture again. “Nope, I don't think so!”

“You're still not my friend.”

“Oooowwwwwnnnnnggghhh” He lowers his head dramatically until it practically touches the ground “nnnnnnngggghh, alright!” And cartwheels to stand up again “So... what will it be?”

“Hm?”

He straightened his posture and puts his arms on his hips “We have plenty of time, ya? What do you wanna to do?”

“I don't know, what do you want to do-?” Bad mistake.

“Come with me!”

“aaAAAAA-!” Before I knew it, he had grabbed my arm and I was being dragged through the woods. We visited several places and he offered me an activity to do in each of them.

—

Sun took me to a place where the trees were full of colorful paint “We practice painting on the trees here!” He said.

“Ah.” That explains the crossed out lines and the repeated imperfect shapes. By the look of it is also where he tests the quality of the paint.

“Do you want us to paint something!?”

“Not really...”

“Oh, would you prefer it to be on a rock?”

“Nah.”

“...And in star leaves-?”

“I don't want to paint, Sun.”

“Oh... Well, I can show you more places!”

“OkayyEEEEEE-” And I'm being dragged away again.

—

He brought me to another area of the forest, the ground here seemed more leveled. Not a single tree was straight, all of them were twisted and even seemed to be hollow. “How about playing something!? Like hide and seek-! No, wait, I can’t let you out of my sight.” He mumbled at the end “And chase?! We can climb a tree and see who reaches the top first! We have a place full of vines and it's perfect for swinging- and jumping from one tree to another-!”

“I don't... really want to move a lot…” With the way he runs without getting tired and me, who doesn't exercise... he would let me dead.

“Oh... well, theeen-”

—

We arrived at a place full of vegetation and humidity. Sun seemed quite excited... “This place is full of insects! We can look for cool bugs!”

“Mmmmmnoooo... I don't want to.” I had to tell him, trying to show as little disinterest as I could.

“You don't like them?” He sounded a little disappointed hearing my reaction.

“No, I do like them, some of them, but I don't like to touch them.” And I'm terrified of them flying into my face.

“Oh, well, it's okay!” He said brushing it off and we moved on to the next stop.

—

“I know that bird!” He stopped us on the way to point at a robin high up on a branch.

“ah.” I said as I removed leaves from my hair and clothes, and checked that I still had my glasses.

“He's a little rascal!”

“...” I think the bird is making us the equivalent of 'mooning'.

—

“Look fish-! Oh, they're gone…” The noise must have scared them away “We can go find more places to look at them if you want!”

“...” “...no, pass...”

“…”

—

“Look at this stick!” Sun had suddenly sprinted past me, picked up something from the ground, and came back just as fast, showing me the stick as if it were a sword.

“oh.” It's a cool stick, must admit it.

“Do you want to look for more sticks!?”

“No...”

“oh...” He looked at the ground in disappointment.

“Why would we go looking for sticks? There are all over the ground.” Specifically, in this area the ground was all sticks. We are literally just stepping on sticks right now. I don't see the ground.

“Variety!” Sun said pointing at the ground with both hands. A branch is heard falling in the distance.

��

“That's a deer!” He pointed at the deer passing nearby. The deer stopped to look at us.

“Yeah, I see.”

“We call 'em Adoquín!”

“...Why is it called Adoquí-?”

*THUMP!*

“…”

The deer smacked itself against a tree when trying to run away. It stands still for a minute, processing the hit, looks at a side and then the other, then runs off again but this time avoiding the tree.

Another *thump!* is heard in the distance.

“...” Alright.

—

“Do you wannaaaa look for pine cones? There will be some fallen around here. Oh! We can also look for mushrooms!”

I keep saying no to everything he suggests and it doesn't look like he's going to run out of ideas to pass the time. In fact, he's very insistent that we do something. I guess at some point I'll have to say yes to something. “...” “...okay...”

“Hmm?! Okay? Okay to what?” His exaggerated surprise offends me but I don't blame him.

“To... I don't know, pine cones?”

“...You don't look very convinced.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“OKAY! On the hunt for pine cones then!” I startle a little at the sudden shout. He makes a pose pointing in a direction, as if he were leading an expedition.

He takes me through the forest looking for pine cones. We aren't finding many, especially me who's not paying any interest. He tries encouraging me to put more effort into it but I keep looking at my boots.

We passed near a shingle river. I find a pebble at my feet and bend down to pick it up and take a better look. It's like a bluish gray, it has some reddish lines in the shape of waves, it feels good to the touch.

I hear the soft tinkling of a bell and feel a shadow fall beside me. “You like pebbles?” Sun is crouched next to me with his arms full of pine cones.

“…” I nod.

We go down to the river and spend some time collecting pebbles with curious shapes or small details of colors, lines, spots, etc. He comes over to show me one every time he finds weird shapes.

“…”

*rin* This time he's hunched over resting his hands on his knees. “You look… a little down.”

“…”

“Hey... we can do something else if you're tired of the pebbles.”

“...” I drop the pebbles I was looking at on the ground.

“...” He turns his gaze from me to the sky. It hasn't gotten late enough to be getting dark, but it's been a while between the walks we've taken (dragging me from here to there), looking for pine cones and then pebbles in the river. He looks back at me. “Oh, I know! Can I take you to one last place? A better place than the ones I've shown you!”

“…” I got up from the ground and waited for him to start leading to follow him.

We enter the increasingly thick forest. The trees are taller and bigger, in fact, I start to see platforms and bridges lying between the trees, I even see small shanties in them.

“Wait here!” He takes a run and jumps onto one of the trees with bridges. He takes three steps running up the tree, with a jump he pushes himself off and climbs with agility until he reaches the platform and climbs on it. “Just a moment!” It can't be seen from here but I can faintly hear some squeaks. I have no idea of what he's doin-

*rush*

“........eh?”

A rope.

A rope has fallen. At the level of my head.

“.......”

What?

…

He said he knew a better place.

No. It can't be this.

“Is it at a good height?! Can you reach it?!” He says...

It can't be.

A better place.

He can't be referring to this.

A better place.

A better place. A better place. A better place. A better place.

“Can you put your foot in?!”

“..........” For some reason what he said throws me off. “WAT-?”

“Can you put your foot in the loop and hold on to the rope so I can pull you up!?”

“..............”

“You can't climb trees, can you?! ...or you can?"

… “...” Oh “....It's...It's too high!”

“Okay!” Squeaks are heard and the rope descends to the ground.

I put my foot into the rope as he told me and hold on to it. “O-okay...!”

“Are you ready!?”

“Yes!”

“Okay!”

He begins to pull up the rope (which doesn't tighten around my foot as it supports my weight) and helps me up to the platform. (That's what it was for, obviously, what else would he want? I'm such an...) “Come on!” He says cheerfully, as always, and takes me over the bridges. “You seem tense... Don't tell me you're afraid of heights!”

“S-something like that... it's nothing.” He tilts his head at that but he says nothing. I have an unpleasant sensation in my throat.

We arrived at a high place with a view of waterfalls, I can't see above the trees. We sat on one of the bridges, resting our arms on the rope that serves as a railing and letting our legs hang off the bridge. I've thought about taking out the sketchbook to draw... but I don't really feel like it right now, so I just quietly observe the landscape. It is a better place, yeah.

…

I feel watched. I turn to look at him ...Of course he was looking at me. I don't even know whether to say something or keep quiet. ...I decide... not to say anything and look to the front.

“You... aren't very talkative, huh.”

“…”

“Not that it's a bad thing! Many people who have come here weren't very talkative at first either.” More people...

“...” “I have… nothing to talk about.” I don't want to talk.

“...” “Well, I do.”

“…”

“If it's okay with you, of course.” He laughed. Although something tells me that he is going to talk anyway.

“…”

“...” “What brings you to the forest?”

“...” Really? “I got lost.”

“Yeah, I already know!” He says between laughs “But what made you get lost?”

“...” “There was a group of kids I didn't want to get close to and I decided to go into the woods to lose them.” He makes a 'hum' sound and looks at me expectantly waiting for me to continue “And... I ended up getting myself lost...”

“...” “Only that?”

“...” “Well, yeah.” What do you mean 'oNlY tHaT'?

“...Mmm...” He places his hand on the chin of the mask.

“...” “What?”

“Nothing!” “...” “You know? You're the first human to visit the forest in a loooong time. For several cycles now…”

“Cycles?”

“Mhm” He nods.

“...What are cycles?”

Sun points to the sky “The turns that the Moon makes in the sky!” He emphasizes by rotating his arm in the air. It's pointing right at the Moon that's visible in the sky.

“Oh...” He uses the lunar cycles to know what day he's in, makes sense. “...” “So no one has been here in a while.”

“That's what I said! Well no, but yes!”

“A-and so the humans who came are still here? Have they been here all this time?”

“Yeah...! Well, no!” He paused. “They're gone!”

“What do you mean they're-?” He didn't let me finish the question.

“They are gone! They 'left'!” It sounded like he had given this answer many times already.

“What do you mean they left-?”

“They 'left'!”

“...” “...You mean...they disappear-?”

“Nope!” “...” “Something like that!” “…” “Mmmore or less…” He hesitated between one answer and another.

It seemed worthless to ask about the missing people. “...okay.” “Can I ask you-?”

“You can ask me anything!” A hint of nervousness escaped his tone.

“...okay. What is this forest?”

“My home! And the home of many other animals.”

“...” “Alright, and... how many are you...? How many of you live here? I mean. You have taken me everywhere and we haven't seen anyone of your…” I make a pointing gesture, spinning my hand around in the air. He can't be human, it doesn't look like he is. “...” “Honestly, I don't know what you are.”

“...” “There's only me... And someone else!” He looks away, as if trying to hide something.

“Oh... and who's that someone?”

“Oh! N-no, don't worry! He’s… just a friend… But it’s not important that you meet him or anything!” He brushes it off making a gesture with his hand. “Uh-um- How about we talk about you!? huh? What things do you like? Earlier, since you said no to everything, I thought you didn't like ANYTHING!” He continued talking without letting me respond. “I didn't know what to do if I ran out of ideas. I started to worry! But at least you're not one of those who spend all day shouting and threatening with a weapon in hand, ahaha...” He let out a nervous laugh.

“Um-”

“Well, you ran away screaming, yes.” He began to gesticulate widely as he complained “Like everyone-! No, not like everyone, some don't run, but those who, apart from running and screaming, attack you...! I mean...!” Something tells me he wasn't going to shut up and I was already half listening. “First they throw rocks at my head, then they insult me and run away. And I have to run after them because I can't just leave a human running around alone! No! I can't! Not in this forest! Anything could happen to them! But they never let me warn them!” He sounded tired. “And when I get them to stop running away from me, they throw things at me again and yell before demanding me to tell them where are they and how to get out of here, and when I explain it, they yell at me even more and accuse me of lying!” He turns to look at me with his hands pointing to his chest. “What reason would I have to lie?!” I don't know if he hasn't noticed or if he's ignoring the deapan I responded with. “UGH! I don't know what to do with those! But anyhow... I'm so glad we found something to do in the end!

“eh?” I snap out of my thoughts. It seems that now he is directing the conversation to me.

“The pebbles!” He sits turning his body towards me, leaving one single leg hanging from the bridge and the other resting on it. He takes out of his pocket some of the pebbles that he had been collecting with me. “I don't know why I assumed you wouldn't want to look for rocks. Maybe because you didn't want to paint them before... You left them back in the river in the end tho, I thought you would keep some.”

“Ah... I don't know. I didn't think I could take them with me.”

“You can keep some of mine!”

“No, it's okay.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“You suuuuure??” He insist.

“Yeees.”

He puts a pebble very close to my face “Suuuuuuuure?” Each 'u' sounding higher than the last.

“...” I push the pebble away from my face “Yeeeees.”

“mmmh... Okay! But I hope you don't regret it later when you don't have a cool rock like these and think 'Oh man, I could have a cool rock right now!'.” After a bad impression of me, he keeps the rocks in his pants. “So... Besides pebbles, what else do you like? Mm? I haven't been able to deduce much from today.”

“Don't know.”

“What do you mean you don't know!? Oh! Is it a secret?” He approaches and starts to whisper, putting his hands to the mask's mouth “I won't tell anyone, promise.”

“No. I don't know.” I looked to the side. “I can't think of anything... so suddenly.”

“ooow...” He slumps a little over the railing, looking sad.

“…” I hesitate whether to say something or not “...Drawing...”

“Mmm?!” He no longer seems sad.

“And listening to music, I guess.” “It's... all I do... most of the time.”

“Really!? Oh! I also like drawing! And music! But is that really all you do all day? Don't you do other kinds of things? Like reading! Or writting. Don't you go out for a walk or play with your friends?” I wrinkle my face at that last bit and he tilts his head in confusion.

“I don't go out.” “I have comics, but I rarely read.”

“Comics?”

“Um... They are stories but instead of narrating what happens there are drawings and only what the characters say is written.”

“...It's a book with drawings?”

“Yeah, but with a lot of drawings on each page, from start to finish.”

“WOAH.” He sounded perplexed. “That's drawing A LOT.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Ahh, I'd love to see what they look like.” He rested his arm on the railing to hold his head in his hand “Too bad I can't…”

“I didn't bring them anyway.”

“Do you normally carry them around?”

“No, it's just that I didn't bring them to the village with me, I left them at home.”

“...” “Oh!” It seems that something has clicked on him. “You are not from the village.”

“No, I'm from a more urban area. My family used to come to the village every year in the summer, but we stopped coming. Now it seems that we are trying to get back into the habit.” I sighed.

“Why did you stop coming?”

“...That's personal.”

“Oh... okay.” He let a minute of awkward silence pass. “Hey, I can bring some books that I have at home! I think you might be interes-!” He looks away from me to the sunset behind us, the sun is almost gone. “-ted...” I look at the sunset too and then at him with confusion. “...” “...oh...oh-OH, Oh-no!” He stands up abruptly causing the bridge to shake slightly. What could have he seen? “We have to move!” He extends a hand to help me up. “We have to start moving!”

I get up in a hurry on my own, ignoring his hand. “O-okay, to where?”

“Come, run!” Once again he grabs me by the arm and leads me over the bridges between the trees until we reach a tree hut. It's small and dark, it looks like a small shelter. He opens the door and enters “You'll spend the night here, stay inside, do not go out, try to hide well and don't open the windows or doors, okay? Here, there are some blankets. I'll come back later.”

“Wait wait wait! What? What do you mean you'll come back later? What's happening? Why do I have to hide-!?”

“Sssh-ssh-sh” He grabs me and covers my hand with his, his left hand resting on the back of my right hand. He begins to speak in a calmer tone, with a voice that I had not heard him use until now. “It's okay, nothing happens. I have to go, I'll come back, but I can't stay now. You hide, try to rest, I'll be back, I promise.”

“...” I take my hand away from his. “Okay.” “I'll stay, but don't take too long.” Please, I don't want to be here alone.

“Yes. I'll be back.” He affirmed one last time. I watch him run away and disappear among the trees and undergrowth. I enter the small shelter to inspect it.

*TAP TAP TAP* *PLOK* *TAP TAP FOOSSSH! *

…? A noise comes from behind me. I turn around and there's a pebble on the floor.

…

Okay.

I take out my phones flashlight to see better inside the house. There are what appear to be some trunks, small cabinets, and a trapdoor in the floor, It seems that there are corners and blind spots for the windows where the little moonlight that enters through the cracks cannot reach. It's freezing cold and I haven't brought my jacket. I leave the bag on the floor against the wall, I cover myself with the blanket and curl up in a ball in the most hidden corner I can find. I'm tired, I want to sleep, but I can't close my eyes.

…

—

It's been a few hours now.

…

I can't sleep, I simply can't.

…

It doesn't look like he's coming back.

*creek*

…?

*rin*

*tap tap, creek*

Sun?

“S-...” I pause before saying a word, I have the feeling I shouldn't speak. I remain silent and wait.

*tap, tap, tap, creeeeeek, tap*

*rin dirrin*

If it were Sun he would have already let me know it is him. That or he's playing a prank on me which isn't funny, but I'd better stay silent. From the shadow I look at the windows. I notice movement through the cracks, something has just passed through the wall next to me.

*dirriring dirring*

I cover myself more with the blanket, back against the wall, I stay as still as I can, I leave a gap between the blankets and the floor to see. A red glow sneaks through the cracks in the window and scans the room.

…

The glow is gone.

*tap, tap, rin, tap, dirring, tap, tap*

It's on the roof.

…

*tap, tap, tap...*

It moves again.

*rin *

…

It sounded on the other side of the wall.

…

…

“nghehe...”

It laughed. Why did it laugh? Whatever is on the other side of the wall just let out a laugh that made the hairs on the back of my neck and all over my back rise.

…

Oh no.

Oh no no no no no no no no.

I have to move. I have to get out of here. I can't stay here.

*creeek*

It came from the door. It's trying to get in.

*rin*

The trapdoor.

*rin dirring*

Where was the trapdoor?

*creek creeeek*

I crawl across the floor making the minimum noise, carefully feeling the floor, looking for the edge of the door.

*tap tap ring dirring*

…!

I found it. I open it carefully. It's too high. I'm at a very high altitude, I don't know if I'll be able to go down.

*rin, creeek...*

…

Fuck it. I slip through the gap quietly, closing it slowly, but that doesn't stop the door from creaking. I cling to the bark of the tree-

…

I left my bag. If it comes in and see it it'll know for sure that I have been there-

…

It doesn't matter now. I have to focus on getting down from the tree without killing myself. My fingers hurt and I can't put my foot down properly because of the soles of my boots. I feel like I'm going to slip at any moment. Somehow I make it to the ground. Still attached to the tree, I look up at the house. I don't see it-

…

A shadow appears from behind the tree. I press myself against the tree and hold my breath. It's looking for something. When he doesn't seem to look I move to a nearby tree, he moves to another tree, I move to the next, and the next, and the next. We continue like this until I start to get further and further away from him. When I think I've lost him I start running. I hide behind a tree to catch my breath.

…

I slowly peek out from behind the tree.

*rin*

…

It sounded above me.

…

I don't look up, I run.

“nnghehee...” He laughs.

He gives me a few seconds advantage before coming after me. The chase begins.

I run forward as much as I can, I hear his footsteps behind me but I don't look back, there's no time for that. I hear him laughing like a madman as he moves from left to right, from one tree to another, crawling on the ground, trying to confuse me, waiting for me to make the slightest mistake to catch me.

“Ah-” I trip. As soon as I fall to the ground I get up, ripping my stockings and scraping my knees, falling again, my nerves not letting me stand up.

“Nnhehehhehe...” Asshole. He has stopped running, he approaches by walking. I try to keep as much distance as my hands and legs allow me to move. I search desperately with my hand for something on the ground to throw. Finally my hand finds something.

I throw a rock at him “AGH!”

The rock passes by him, flying one or two meters away from him. He hasn't even moved, he didn't move a single muscle to avoid it, he just watches me still from where he is. I hear the nearby *pof* of the rock falling to the ground.

“...”

“...”

…

I get up and run. He grabs my leg and I fall to the ground again. He won't let me get up, every time I try he throws me to the ground. I struggle, I kick, but I don't break free from his grip. He never stops laughing, he is enjoying this. He drags me closer to him, no matter how much I twists, he doesn't let go. “ACKH-!...Hhhh-hh...-hh-h...” He grabs me by the neck, red pupils stared at me, I'm looking straight into his crescent moon mask (or waning, I don't know. Do you think I care right now?). He raises his free hand and his veins begin to glow a platinum color that extends to his fingertips. The hand approaches my face, I don't know what it's going to do to me, I'm scared, I don't want to look. I close my eyes, cover my face with my hands. I wait.

…

…

…?

Nothing's happening. It stopped. Why?

“Mun, nïe.” I hear Sun's voice. I open my hands a little to see what's going on. Indeed, it is Sun, several meters away from us... He looks exhausted. The one with the moon mask stares at him for a moment, until he decides to look at me again while bringing his glowing veiny hand closer. “¡Mun!” The Moonman looks at Sun again “Fehreh.” He seems to speak another language, I don't understand what he says.

“...” “Nïe” For the first time I hear him say something else besides laughing. Even though I can't understand him.

“Fïer pehgïer.” Sun responds.

“...” Moonman remains silent again.

“Bïelïe óubseh góuh...” Sun continues.

“Móu txehb móunsuvïe.” The Moon responds.

“Lïe bóu ¿Sóundïe mïesugïeb fehreh nïe txehtehrlïe?”

…

The air feels tense. Probably because of the hand grabbing my neck.

“¿Zkaóu fuóunbehb txehtóur tkaehnvïe nïe bóueh mehb zkaóu ïesreh rehuh óunsóurrehveh óun leh suóurreh?” Longest sentence I've heard him say so far.

“...” “Fïer óubseh góuh.” “...” “Vóuyehmóu óuntehrdehrmóu vóu óulleh” Sun takes a step forward “Nïe suóunóu fïer zkaóu ehtehkehr ehbu” Another step forward “Nïe sóunóumïeb fïer zkaóu txehtóurlóub... óubsïe” Another step “Óullïeb bïelïe óubsehn... fóurvuvïeb.”

“...” There's no response from the moon man.

“Behkehb tïemïe óub óubïe.”

“...”

…

The hand that grabbed my neck now grabs my shirt and yanks it. I grab his wrist as he pulls me to my feet and drags me to Sun, making me stumble. He throws me against him. Sun catches me before I fall over.

“Ska óubpkaóurhïe óub óun gehnïe.” The moon says something as he walks past. Sun puts a hand on his shoulder before letting him go, there's a pause between the two. The Moonman disappears into the trees. Wind and leaves are heard passing by.

…

He's gone. I feel dizzy. I fall down.

—

…

…

…

A faint light begins to seep through the cracks, illuminating enough to wake me up and make me open my eyes, I look around. I see my bag propped against the wall. I'm at the shelter where Sun left me.

…

My body aches, I have a hard time keeping my eyes open, it feels like I've been sleeping on the hard floor. No, wait, there are some blankets underneath me... It's still too hard to sleep well, either that or as I said, it shouldn't help me at all that everything hurts. After a while of staring at the ceiling I try to sit up. I emphasize trying. With every slight effort a pained moan escapes me.

“Oof...” Hurts.

*creek, tap tap tap tap*

Those wood creaks bring back bad memories from last night (which by the way, I'm alive, wow, I just realized), I can't help but cringe at every noise, I hear footsteps approaching, I try to move but the stinging pain prevents me from it.

*creek... *

The door opens.

Triangular shapes appear through the door followed by orange earth tones. “…Oh…!” “Early bird!” Thank god it's Sun and not the other one, or something worse “I didn't expect you up this early!” He says laughingly.

“ah?”

“How are you feeling?” He walks in. When he sets foot inside I lean back, towards the wall. “...” I don't really know why I did that. Sun stands at the door showing confusion with his usual head tilt. “...Arrr...re you okay, Fern?”

“...” I became tense suddenly. I really don't know still if I can trust him? He hasn't done anything to me yet but that doesn't mean that I can trust him. I don't know if he plans to do something with me like whatever that other one, the moon one, was going to do last night. “...ehh...hhh...h...” I can't get a word out, I'm afraid to ask.

“Mm?”

“...” I don't know what to say to him. My eyes go somewhere else.

…

He enters further into the house, ignoring that I keep my distance from him, leaves a bag he was carrying on the floor and begins to open the windows, letting in the little light of the dawn that is just beginning. He kneels on the floor in front of me with the bag. “Are you hungry?” He opens the bag and takes out an apple “Do you like apples?”

“...”

“No?”

“...”

“Um... I also brought berries... (It's what I had on hand coming here) There are... different types, you can choose” He brings the bag closer to me. I move further away. “uhhh...”

“...” I want to leave.

“You don't like them either...?”

“...” I don't want to eat. I want to leave.

“...”

“*snif... *”

“u-um...!”

“...*snif* *sob*...” I started crying out of nowhere.

“Ahhh...! D-do- don't cry! Ah-I-Um- Ca-can go find other things you might like-!”

I felt ashamed for crying and I put my hands to my face trying to wipe away the tears, but they wouldn't stop coming. “*hic, sniff, snif *” I looked away in an attempt to cover my face. I ended up looking at the floor, letting my hair act as a curtain.

“I can go in a moment!” Sun was already getting up.

“...w-want to leave...” I managed to get a murmur out.

“...W-what? Um...”

“...” *hic, hic *

“O-okay, um... If you aren't hungry... -we can do something else- uh- we can go look for rocks like yesterday in the river!”

“...” I don't want to do anything “...want to leave...”

“O-or we can do something else! Ah-bah-b-b-b- W-won't you like to go draw??! Somewhere, some landscape?! Wherever you want! We can draw together! If you prefer we can look for animals instead of landscapes!”

“...leave...want to...go... *hic, snif *”

“¡D-don't n- uh! ¡L-let's... um- let's not- uh!” He no longer knew how to order his words “H-hey, ¿Why don't we go to-?” He extends his hand towards my arm.

“I want to go home...”

He stops before touching me and removes his hand. “...” “...home?” There is a pause. He remains silent and unmoving. He finally speaks “Do you want…?” His tone became more serious.

“...”

“...to... go see the portal?” I look up slightly, I can't see through the tears and the fogged lenses of my glasses.

“...” I nod my head.

—

…

We didn't walk far until the red began to become visible. He brought me back to the portal. The same plain of red leaves and stone arch in the center of it all, as yesterday.

…

Sun has been quiet the entire time.

He advances towards the portal and stands facing it. He turns. “Come.” He extends his hand towards me. “You can pass through.”

“...”

I advance towards the portal. I stop before crossing. If it doesn't take me back home, what do I do? I don't want to stay.

A breeze begins to come out of the portal. The breeze turns to wind, the leaves rise, they pass through us. It's the same thing that happened yesterday when I went to cross. I turn to face Sun. Motionless, he looks back at me, the leaves pause in the air for a second as if time has stopped, the wind changes. From where the wind and leaves came now they come in, they push me towards the portal. I finally cross it.

…

Am I in the forest I know? I turn to look at Sun who stayed behind in the portal. “...Sun?” He's not there. I look around. He's not here. I've already crossed the portal, he must have left.

I notice a sudden draft pass by me. It's soft, like someone walking past you. I turn towards the forest, I have to start moving, I don't want to be here another minute.

...The air current that I noticed has lifted some leaves, they reach the trees, between them the wind does something strange, it forms a transparent silhouette. It looks like Sun, I can barely see him but I could swear it's him. The wind figure raises its hand and makes a gesture, it wants me to follow it. When I approach it turns around and walks into the forest, leaving a trail of leaves behind it. I follow the trail of the air current. Sometimes it stops to look at me, making sure I'm still following it. The red-leafed trees and the paintings disappear from view the farther we go. We crossed the forest until we arrived at the entrance of the town, near my house. There is no one on the street. If I walked into the house and pretended nothing had happened, officially no one would have noticed my absence.

I'm not one hundred percent sure if the wind figure that guided me is Sun or not, but I should at least thank him for bringing me back.

…

The air current has dissipated before I turn around. I look around, there's no one.

…

…

…

I enter the house, go up to my room and throw the bag on the floor. I go to the bathroom to wash. …I feel something strange in my hands but I couldn't say what. Doesn't matter. I change my clothes and get into bed, the tiredness of the previous night makes my body succumb immediately and I fall asleep instantly.

—

…

…

…

“ah...!” I wake up with my lungs begging for air. I need a moment to calm my breathing. I look at the clock without lifting my head from the pillow.

…

It is 12 midday. I rub my eyes and from my eyes I move to my face. I'm still tired. My body still aches. I stare at the ceiling.

…

My bag. I reach out to pick it up from the floor, making strange positions so as not to get out of bed.

I open it and search in the pockets. The bell. I put the bell to my ear. “...” I shake it.

*rin, diring diring*

“...”

I open it.

…

It's empty.

[starberry-cupcake]

UPDATING AGAIN!!! I probably won't be able to read in the next 2 days, so I wanted to do some catching up before that. Life, etc.

previously in harrowcita del 9:

this happened

CHAPTER 37

there's a training montage before the Beast arrives

the narrator (still undetermined, I'm starting to wonder if it's harrow but a harrow with all her memories or something, I don't know yet) says what we've been thinking the whole time

"the lyctors also did what they perhaps should have from the very start, and organized loosely planned, often contradictory sessions of instruction for Ianthe—and for you"

abysmal organizational skills, these people

harrow is wondering who of all her companions will betray the emperor

I think it's you, harrow, but I'm not certain yet

harrow is also wondering if she'll live or not, everyone's betting against her but I'm still holding my faith for the little feral kitten

doctor reverend emperor john tells harrow again that if she wants to be locked in with him in coward corner, she can do that

the emperor's hideout:

I suggest you do that, harrow, and while you're in there, you kill him

harrow lives, the emperor dies, we all win

harrow asks doctor reverend emperor john why he's such a coward

not with those words, exactly

I mean, I'm not saying he's a coward because he hides, he's a coward because he hides while his lyctors die for him

the emperor gives one of his Speeches about how when he resurrected nine planets, he became God and without him, the Houses die with him, because the star of their system would fail and become a black hole

I think it's a risk we'd all have to take if it kills him tbh, bring in the black hole

"so many people hate us" YOU DON'T SAY

harrow asks dr reverend emperor john who AL is

the emperor proceeds to change subject by asking harrow if her and yandere twin are practicing safe sex

to which harrow responds with "we don't even like each other"

and he's like "sorry, sorry, my bad"

BACK TO A.L. WHICH IS THE SUBJECT I'M INTERESTED IN

AL is indeed Annabel Lee though her real name is undisclosed

she was the emperor's bodyguard and the first resurrected and maybe the blueprint of the resurrection thing itself and also kind of everyone's sort of mother??? it's complicated

the First House apparently went out via rising sea levels and nuclear fission

as one does, if you didn't pay attention to captain planet

emperor clown says that she wasn't a human being and she struggled to pretend that she was

as if you guys behaved as human beings, but ok

and that she died after the first time they did the killing that brought them into this situation in the first place

we've heard a bit of this with teacher, in the gideon-less au

but she didn't die, according to him, the lyctors asked the emperor to kill her and he imprisoned her in the locked tomb

so the emperor here is maybe not telling the whole truth

which, again, confuses me, because how can exposition be real in an au that is not, unless there's something real in it in some way

there is new information in the gideon-less au that is relevant and also accurate to our present situation, even if the au isn't what actually happened

and it feels like a hotel california because the people who are alive in there, as time passes by, are the ones that died here

like, if you think about it, those that remain alive there are all the ones that died (the fifth, the kids, martita, real!dulcinea, protozoa, ortus)

the ones who are dying there are still alive here (camilla, palmolive, regina george twin, judith) except for duracell bunny nephew (because his soul is sailing the high seas), and mayonnaise uncle, who is my one outlier that ruins my theory

BUT HE SAID BTW that ominous thing to regina george twin, before pushing her off, about her sister being "out there"

also, palmolive said "kill us twice, shame on god" or something along those lines???

SO WHAT KIND OF PURGATORY STUFF ARE WE CAUGHT IN HERE??? IDK

ANYWAY, BACK TO THE CHAPTER

everything crashes because dr reverend emperor john tells harrow that AL would have liked her and that he would have liked to be her father

harrow proceeds to have a meltdown about that

which, fair, if this guy told me that, I'd also be devastated

NOW here's where I started wondering if harrow is the narrator

like there's two harrows or something

because the narrator says "you bereft idiot" and I think harrow's the only one who would dunk on harrow like that

I don't know, I'm probably not making any sense, but what if????

the emperor admits to being a fool which, fair

and harrow admits to having looked into the tomb

and the emperor says it's impossible that she bypassed the wards because he didn't include a way in and made a ward that wouldn't answer to anyone

he thinks whatever harrow thinks she saw wasn't what is there and that her parents died for nothing

harrow doesn't trust her mind one bit, so she questions what she really saw

and the emperor asks her who tampered with her temporal lobe

which accounts for the bleeding when she tries to remember, I think

I also think that she did it herself, maybe? or at least with her consent, but she doesn't remember

I think there's a plan here

in any case, harrow doesn't describe ice cube barbie to the emperor

she just runs away with more questions than answers, as usual

CHAPTER 38

if you thought harrow's mental turmoil would be taking a break, think again

this book really exhausts one emotionally huh

harrow is questioning all of the things she thinks she knows and can see with her own two eyes after the emperor told her she didn't really see the tomb or ice cube barbie

which is great, because now she sees not!dulcinea under her bed

she goes to fetch yandere twin and she sees nothing

I legit thought she was gaslighting harrowcita tbh

but then harrow doesn't see her anymore

I don't know, man, I don't trust anyone in this place

also, alleged gideon aka ortus tries to kill harrow one last time, for the road

he doesn't kill her, but tells her not to go into the river and to end herself without suffering because he failed her by not killing her

and he also says "this wasn't my idea"

harrow (and anyone reading) wants to know whose idea it was, but telling us would be just too straightforward for lyctors who do everything dramatically backwards

narrator says "you were always such a little bitch when you were angry"

IS THIS HARROW? IS IT? don't tell me

CHAPTER 39

the Beast is approaching and we have a terrible plan, so it's time to start it

harrow makes a comment about her sword and how "your dead self told you to carry" it

♥ we love the sword because we love gideon ♥

the Herald starts approaching and there's a very unpleasant energetic situation going on with its arrival

harrowcita does some meditation that sounds actually very cool

"You made yourself one inhalation and exhalation—reduced yourself to one sensation, following it from down at the toes up all the lines of your body to the crown of your head"

this situation of pain and suffering is gonna go on for over an hour, according to mercygirl

I mean, nobody told you to kill planets so, that's what you get

the chapter ends with a 10 minute mark until breach and with harrow walking to her death

but next freakin chapter starts with "nine months and 29 days before the emperor's murder" SO I GUESS WE WON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IMMEDIATELY AFTER

and this is where I have to stop, so until next time, I really won't know what happens and I'll have time to marinate all those wacky theories I just threw

[the-meme-monarch]

hey have y'all seen the game A Little To The Left. yes the cute little organizational game with the cat. i need to tell you about my interpretation of the game A Little To The Left. I'm going fucking crazy.

ok. I think your cat died and you are busying yourself with organizing as a distraction. chapter 1 starts with fixing a lone picture frame of your cat. level two is putting its toys in a basket, with no actual way of organizing it, and the cat itself is nowhere to be seen. yes you see it intermittently after this, when it comes in to ruin the progress you made, but in chapter one your cat isn't the focal point at all and you never see it in full, not until the last chapter, and in the last chapter things are going kinda Unreality, things are moving between picture frames and you can Unmelt candles and move shadows. I think the cat might not actually be there and you’re just getting more In Your Thoughts.

every now and then, in the beginning, when it ruins what you organized, you move on. you don't fix it. playing through I thought that was weird considering the the whole game being about Organizing and Being Very Particular About It. I think you Just Leave because you remember your cat and you need a New distraction. I also think this might be why some of the things you’re organizing don’t make a lot of sense like the tool kit one or organizing your breakfast on your plate like That.

but your cat becomes more of a focus as it progresses, with levels increasingly centered around it/ its presence, but I think it’s more about how you’ve been putting off Really Dealing With it’s absence, like cleaning up the paw prints, like they’ll never leave any more after you finally clean them up.

In the last level of the fourth chapter, you wipe off a flower vase and pick up the flowers to look nice and alive again, then the shadow of your cat looks over them and the flowers die again and it’s implied the cat broke the vase. I Feel Like This Is Your Character. using cleaning/organizing as a distraction to feel normal before remembering your cat and grieving its death all over again. Chapter five starts with picking up the pieces of that broken flower vase.

to rehash what I said about moving to a new distraction when you think about your cat, there’s a level in the fifth and last chapter where when it messes up what you’ve done at your computer space, fix it and you carry on with the level, you don’t leave immediately after. you make constellations of your cat in the sky in one of them. the third to last level is just. petting your cat. the very last level is building a tower for your cat to climb up to the moon. your cat is in the sky. Your Cat Is In The Sky. Do You Hear Me. i think it’s about Organizing Of Course but also quietly about learning to move on from your cat’s death. i could be making this Entirely up but i just finished the game with my sibling and that was the impression I got with the moon thing and everything Now put in perspective and I've convinced my sibling of this and we're Crying

[void-chara]

me when i am a normal individual with normal passion for normal interests. surely

just got my twitch recap i am sooooo normal trust me. normal numbers on there .

[death-in-a-handbasket]

every time i read one of your posts i feel my brain expand like oh my God

ok joseph guy is back but Wow when i thought about photo realm sex it was like. imagine: take photo, get freaky in photo world and Then like your face/body/whatever and whatever changes gets like Reflected into the photo, like you become like visibly hornier etc etc

Imagine being completely unaware of this information and now he has these photos of you completely fucked out… the potential for him to blackmail u like that

i love ur idea a lot more though i just wanted to share the thought bc it started plaguing my mind

I have many many evil ideas in my brain, ever since I was a small child I knew I liked organizational systems that linked together in a cause and effect manner and taboo subjects involving the creativity of human desire and this is why I study sex and accounting amen

also I fuck with this idea too tbh imagine trying to be covert about the effect he has on you and hide your pleasure or desire from him but the photos don't lie. imagine this is also how he finds out that you're down bad for him because he sees that his photos of you all end up looking suspiciously flustered and lustful

now combine this with you being unaware of this predicament and he hides it from you until he uses this evidence to tear down the facade that you're not into him AND use it as degradation material teehee

blackmail is also so so delicious oughhh imagine being celebrated for evading his grasp in matches only for him to keep you locked into a hookup friends with benefits deal otherwise he'll reveal to your teammates what really goes on in matches, that you're not some super powerful and clever person but rather someone who can't help but give into sexual whim, how embarrassing !

[agirlandherkinks]

Control Variables: Part 1 (Hypno, Expansion)

[Ally's Notes: The hypno and expansion bits come in the next part, this ended up being way bigger than I expected so I split it up] [I'd describe as weird corporate science-experiment-soft-non-con with a fun latexy skinsuit involved :3]

"HINATA! Where the FUCK did you put the hydraulic pump?!?"

An indignant voice barged into your consciousness, waking you up.

You were... somewhere? You opened your eyes, but only blackness greeted you. Were you in bed? Some kind of weight was pulling down on your head, so you must be upright. A helmet? You felt so, so tired and relaxed and comfy, the kind of grogginess that comes from sleeping 11 hours in a row. A harried voice with a strong accent (Japan, maybe?) barked back, making you wince.

"Well maybe YOU shouldn't decide to rearrange the workshop half an hour before a subject intake Lucinda! I have a perfect organizational system, if you would just. Stop... messing with the natural order of things... please?"

The voice trailed off until it was almost inaudible, and you realized that your ears felt muffled by something. Maybe you had a headset on? But why would you go to sleep wearing one of those? You attempted to bring your hand up to feel what it was, but with a gasp of surprise, found that you were tied up. Panic began to pierce your sleep-addled mind as you struggled against your bonds, your two captors seemingly oblivious as they argued. Panting from exertion (and embarrassingly, slight arousal), you stopped and took stock of your situation.

You were being held upright, against some sort of cushioned plank. Cold metal cords snaked tightly around your wrists and ankles, holding you spreadeagled and helpless. You could feel the cool breeze of an air conditioner caress your chin, arms, and legs, bringing up goosebumps. Your torso was covered in a clingy material, maybe some kind of wet latex? Your throat felt ever so slightly constricted, as if a wide metal collar wrapped around it. And with a start of outrage and fear, you realized you could feel cold air brushing against your pussy, nipples, and the side of your waist. There were windows in those areas! Were you in some sort of sex dungeon?!? Desperation overrode your self-control as you began thrashing against your restraints, yelling out against the slim chance someone could hear.

"Oh shit, she's come out of it-" Lucinda yelped. "Hinata! Get your sorry ass to that computer, or I will fucking end your career when the yearly peer review comes round! Ok, ok. Ok. Actually. Hinata, this development may be to our advantage. Begin recording."

Silence reigned for a few seconds, then bright light filled your vision as someone pulled your headset off. Blinking in pain as your eyes adjusted, you began to take in the space around you. If it was a sex dungeon, it had to be the weirdest one you'd ever seen. Pipes, wrenches, bolts and wiring filled the space around you, half of them not even connected to the convoluted machinery that surrounded you. Swinging your head around revealed no exit door, but you took in a few important details. A tank of fluid with a few... hoses, attached? Some devices that looked an awful lot like sex toys sat on the table next to them. On the far side of the room a reedy, anxious-looking man stood furiously tapping at a terminal, looking half-swallowed by an oversized lab coat. And uncomfortably close to your face, an immaculately preened woman with golden-red hair, clinically dead eyes, and an inexplicable boob window in her own lab coat stood smiling. It was a wide smile, very toothy, obviously meant to be reassuring. It put you in mind of a shark.

"Oh my goodness dear, we didn't realize you had woken up!" Her voice was chirpy and sweet, completely at odds with the fire-breathing she displayed earlier. "I'm so sorry for the distress you must be feeling. You see, subjects here are normally kept unconscious for the full duration of testing."

"T-testing?" You stammered, mouth feeling dry.

"Oh, do you not remember coming here? Many subjects have the same experience when interviewed afterwards, so that shows your procedure is still going to plan." Was her smile even wider now? "My name is Lucinda, that... gentleman over there is Hinata, and this is an R&D lab of BrainBlender Industries."

"That freaky sex toy company?!" you blurted, feeling your cheeks flare with heat. You had volunteered to test sex products? With THIS company?!?

"Not just sex toys," Lucinda cheerfully replied, smile now threatening to escape the bounds of her face. She clearly knew about the wild rumors surrounding BrainBlender. "We also produce recreational gear, leisurewear, and technology at the absolute cutting-edge of communication, biology, and psychology. We employ the finest minds for our development teams, and are absolutely stringent in the safety protocols of our testing sessions. And do try to relax. I'm sure you at least remember how much you're being paid for this."

The protests bubbling in your throat died as a 5-digit figure flashed out of your memory. Who could turn that down?

"Exactly!" she crowed, reading the expression on your face.

"Hey, so uh, what was the t-test going to be?" You stammered with embarrassment as you asked the question, having looked down and seen how stiff your nipples really were in the open air. You did have to admit though, the strange one-piece you wore was quite fetching. The material was a shimmery rose-gold with rose-red highlights running along its seams. It clung to your waist, hips, and admittedly quite small breasts in a way that made you feel sexy even while spreadeagled in a lab. And the way those windows curved around your nipples, they seemed to form the outline of cute little hearts. If you still weren't so mortified at waking up in a corporate sex dungeon, you probably would have giggled.

"Sorry sweetie, but we're conducting blind trials here. We'll start getting you back under in a minute." The redhead's cooed, corporate smile now unsettlingly authentic in response to your discomfort. "You see, we have to test your body's response to stimuli under completely controlled conditions. Otherwise, your expectations might change the way you process the input you're going receive."

"And speaking of input..." Lucinda produced a small device from her pocket, briefly holding it up to the light for inspection. Some sort of key? She began to dictate, completely ignoring your apprehension as she brought it towards your neck. "Test B279, new variation Delta. Variables of initial subject lucidity and individuality now left uncontrolled, to explore the effects of pleasure and conditioning on subject psyche in greater detail." You tried to shy back, but she continued inexorably forward, dictating over the top of your protests. One hand held the collar of your suit, and she began to sliiide the device into an opening within it. "First element of the conversion process: Initiated."

"Wait no no no n-" Click.

You gasped in euphoria as near-orgasmic levels of pleasure began coursing through your body, pulsing outwards from your neck to the rest of your torso. Biting your lip and arching your back, you couldn't decide whether to moan, giggle, or cry. Every inch of skin that touched your outfit blazed with pleasure, as if it was making your whole torse just as sensitive as your G-spot. Your self-restraint began to crumble as you started instinctively humping and twisting in place. You desperately needed to touch yourself, but all you could do was slide your ass and back against the plank. It felt gooooood.

"As planned and... visibly evident, the inserted module is circulating dopamine and oxytocin throughout the membrane of the pleasure-suit. The hormones are then transferred into the subject via contact with the skin." Through half-lidded eyes, you saw Lucinda circle behind you. "What is interesting is that this process appears to be causing the subject's skin to act as a primary erogenous zone. Note the elicited moans whenever it makes contact with the support plank."

She moved back to your side, and you heard the sound of a rubber glove being stretched over a hand. "Hypothesis 1: Sexual sensitivity increases exponentially with the skin's proximity to the suit." A firm hand gripped your ankle, and you whined in frustration as the plank moved away, leaving you held in the air. "Observe how the subject seems to attain no relief from contact with skin in its extremities. But here..." The hand crept up to your shin, and you shivered. "Subject's reaction is in line with a typical response to contact with the inner thigh. And speaking of-" Lucinda's musings were cut off by your moan as she squeezed your thigh. "Similar response to a tug of the nipple in an average female-" She cut off with a yelp as your hips unconsciously ground against her face. The brief contact made you moan even harder, feeling like someone had turned up a vibrator inside of you. "Subject rapidly losing composure, on the verge of a first orgasm. Two more samples required." And without warning, she slapped your ass.

Your vision went white as you screamed in pleasure. You didn't care about being recorded, or watched. You were in heaven and needed more. Warm fluid ran down your thighs, pussy leaking as you approached climax. You wanted them to do things to you, needed them to do things to you. Bucking blindly, you screamed for them to keep going, to use you.

"Okkkk, subject exhibiting drastically altered behaviour and desires in response to artificial hormone circulation. Compliance is reinforced by pleasure and dopamine. Device will replace dopamine with serotonin and melatonin soon, so I am taking the final sample before subject loses consciousness." A hand grasped your exposed waist, holding you still and sending waves of euphoria through your shaking body. You felt your insides tighten. Keep going so close so close so so so so so so s-

"Beginning vaginal stimulation."

A finger entered your pussy, and ever so gently prodded your clitoris.

With a wild shriek you snapped your head back and came. And came. And kept cumming. It felt like ten orgasms at once, all stacking and intensifying on top of each other. You squirted and squirted and sprayed, soaking your legs and the floor and an indignant Lucinda in your messy cum as you writhed and convulsed in the air. It was better than anything you had ever felt before. You didn't want to stop. You couldn't stop. You... you... couldn't stop...

So tired...

A beep sounded from the device in your collar, and darkness claimed you even as your body continued to twist in climax.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

PART 2: COMING SOONISH TY FOR UR PATIENCE <333

[anheliotrope]

It's always "funny" to remember that software development as field often operates on the implicit and completely unsupported assumption that security bugs are fixed faster than they are introduced, adjusting for security bug severity.

This assumption is baked into security policies that are enforced at the organizational level regardless of whether they are locally good ideas or not. So you have all sorts of software updating basically automatically and this is supposedly proof that you deserve that SOC2 certification.

Different companies have different incentives. There are two main incentives:

Limiting legal liability

Improving security outcomes for users

Most companies have an overwhelming proportion of the first incentive.

This would be closer to OK if people were more honest about it, but even within a company they often start developing The Emperor's New Clothes types of behaviour.

---

I also suspect that security has generally been a convenient scapegoat to justify annoying, intrusive and outright abusive auto-updating practices in consumer software. "Nevermind when we introduced that critical security bug and just update every day for us, alright??"

Product managers almost always want every user to be on the latest version, for many reasons of varying coherence. For example, it enables A/B testing (provided your software doesn't just silently hotpatch it without your consent anyway).

---

I bring this up because (1) I felt like it, (2) there are a lot of not-so-well-supported assumptions in this field, which are mainly propagated for unrelated reasons. Companies will try to select assumptions that suit them.

Yes, if someone does software development right, the software should converge towards being more secure as it gets more updates. But the reality is that libraries and applications are heavily heterogenous -- they have different risk profiles, different development practices, different development velocities, and different tooling. The correct policy is more complicated and contextual.

Corporate incentives taint the field epistemologically. There's a general desire to confuse what is good for the corporation with what is good for users with what is good for the field.

The way this happens isn't by proposing obviously insane practices, but by taking things that sound maybe-reasonable and artificially amplifying confidence levels. There are aspects of the distortion that are obvious and aspects of the distortion that are most subtle. If you're on the inside and never talked to weird FOSS people, it's easy to find it normal.

One of the eternal joys and frustrations of being a software developer is trying to have effective knowledge about software development. And generally a pre-requisite to that is not believing false things.

For all the bullshit that goes on in the field, I feel _good_ about being able to form my own opinions. The situation, roughly speaking, is not rosy, but learning to derive some enjoyment from countering harmful and incorrect beliefs is a good adaptation. If everyone with a clue becomes miserable and frustrated then computing is doomed. So my first duty is to myself -- to talk about such things without being miserable. I tend to do a pretty okay job at that.

[racefortheironthrone]

OK, I'll bite - what's the deal with the United Farm Workers? What were their strengths and weaknesses compared to other labor unions?

It is not an easy thing to talk about the UFW, in part because it wasn't just a union. At the height of its influence in the 1960s and 1970s, it was also a civil rights movement that was directly inspired by the SCLC campaigns of Martin Luther King and owed its success as much to mass marches, hunger strikes, media attention, and the mass mobilization of the public in support of boycotts that stretched across the United States and as far as Europe as it did to traditional strikes and picket lines.

It was also a social movement that blended powerful strains of Catholic faith traditions with Chicano/Latino nationalism inspired by the black power movement, that reshaped the identity of millions away from asimilation into white society and towards a fierce identification with indigeneity, and challenged the racist social hierarchy of rural California.

It was also a political movement that transformed Latino voting behavior, established political coalitions with the Kennedys, Jerry Brown, and the state legislature, that pushed through legislation and ran statewide initiative campaigns, and that would eventually launch the careers of generations of Latino politicians who would rise to the very top of California politics.

However, it was also a movement that ultimately failed in its mission to remake the brutal lives of California farmworkers, which currently has only 7,000 members when it once had more than 80,000, and which today often merely trades on the memory of its celebrated founders Dolores Huerta and Cesar Chavez rather than doing any organizing work.

To explain the strengths and weaknesses of the UFW, we have to start with some organizational history, because the UFW was the result of the merger of several organizations each with their own strengths and weaknesses.

The Origins of the UFW:

To explain the strengths and weaknesses of the UFW, we have to start with some organizational history, because the UFW was the result of the merger of several organizations each with their own strengths and weaknesses.

In the 1950s, both Dolores Huerta and Cesar Chavez were community organizers working for a group called the Community Service Organization (an affiliate of Saul Alinsky's Industrial Areas Foundation) that sought to aid farmworkers living in poverty. Huerta and Chavez were trained in a novel strategy of grassroots, door-to-door organizing aimed not at getting workers to sign union cards, but to agree to host a house meeting where co-workers could gather privately to discuss their problems at work free from the surveillance of their bosses. This would prove to be very useful in organizing the fields, because unlike the traditional union model where organizers relied on the NRLB's rulings to directly access the factory floors, Central California farms were remote places where white farm owners and their white overseers would fire shotguns at brown "trespassers" (union-friendly workers, organizers, picketers).

In 1962, Chavez and Huerta quit CSO to found the National Farm Workers Association, which was really more of a worker center offering support services (chiefly, health care) to independent groups of largely Mexican farmworkers. In 1965, they received a request to provide support to workers dealing with a strike against grape growers in Delano, California.

In Delano, Chavez and Huerta met Larry Itliong of the Agricultural Workers Organizing Committee (AWOC), which was a more traditional labor union of migrant Filipino farmworkers who had begun the strike over sub-minimum wages. Itliong wanted Chavez and Huerta to organize Mexican farmworkers who had been brought in as potential strikebreakers and get them to honor the picket line.

The result of their collaboration was the formation of the United Farm Workers as a union of the AFL-CIO. The UFW would very much be marked by a combination of (and sometimes conflict between) AWOC's traditional union tactics - strikes, pickets, card drives, employer-based campaigns, and collective bargaining for union contracts - and NFWA's social movement strategy of marches, boycotts, hunger strikes, media campaigns, mobilization of liberal politicians, and legislative campaigns.

1965 to 1970: the Rise of the UFW:

While the strike starts with 2,000 Filipino workers and 1,200 Mexican families targeting Delano area growers, it quickly expanded to target more growers and bring more workers to the picket lines, eventually culminating in 10,000 workers striking against the whole of the table grape growers of California across the length and breadth of California.

Throughout 1966, the UFW faced extensive violence from the growers, from shotguns used as "warning shots" to hand-to-hand violence, to driving cars into pickets, to turning pesticide-spraying machines onto picketers. Local police responded to the violence by effectively siding with the growers, and would arrest UFW picketers for the crime of calling the police.

Chavez strongly emphasized a non-violent response to the growers' tactics - to the point of engaging in a Gandhian hunger strike against his own strikers in 1968 to quell discussions about retaliatory violence - but also began to employ a series of civil rights tactics that sought to break what had effectively become a stalemate on the picket line by side-stepping the picket lines altogether and attacking the growers on new fronts.

First, he sought the assistance of outside groups and individuals who would be sympathetic to the plight of the farmworker and could help bring media attention to the strike - UAW President Walter Reuther and Senator Robert Kennedy both visited Delano to express their solidarity, with Kennedy in particular holding hearings that shined a light on the issue of violence and police violations of the civil rights of UFW picketers.

Second, Chavez hit on the tactic of using boycotts as a way of exerting economic pressure on particular growers and leveraging the solidarity of other unions and consumers - the boycotts began when Chavez enlisted Dolores Huerta to follow a shipment of grapes from Schenley Industries (the first grower to be boycotted) to the Port of Oakland. There, Huerta reached out to the International Longshoremen's and Warehousemen's Union and persuaded them to honor the boycott and refuse to handle non-union grapes. Schenley's grapes started to rot on the docks, cutting them off from the market, and between the effects of union solidarity and growing consumer participation in the UFW's boycotts, the growers started to come under real economic pressure as their revenue dropped despite a record harvest.

Throughout the rest of the Delano grape strike, Dolores Huerta would be the main organizer of the national and internal boycotts, travelling across the country (and eventually all the way to the UK) to mobilize unions and faith groups to form boycott committees and boycott houses in major cities that in turn could educate and mobilize ordinary consumers through a campaign of leafleting and picketing at grocery stores.

Third, the UFW organized the first of its marches, a 300-mile trek from Delano to the state capital of Sacramento aimed at drawing national attention to the grape strike and attempting to enlist the state government to pass labor legislation that would give farmworkers the right to organize. Carefully organized by Cesar Chavez to draw on Mexican faith traditions, the march would be labelled a "pilgrimage," and would be timed to begin during Lent and culminate during Easter. In addition to American flags and the UFW banner, the march would be led by "pilgrims" carrying a banner of Our Lady of Guadelupe.

While this strategy was ultimately effective in its goal of influencing the broader Latino community in California to see the UFW as not just a union but a vehicle for the broader aspirations of the whole Latino community for equality and social justice, what became known in Chicano circles as La Causa, the emphasis on Mexican symbolism and Chicano identity contributed to a growing tension with the Filipino half of the UFW, who felt that they were being sidelined in a strike they had started.

Nevertheless, by the time that the UFW's pilgrimage arrived at Sacramento, news broke that they had won their first breakthrough in the strike as Schenley Industries (which had been suffering through a four-month national boycott of its products) agreed to sign the first UFW union contract, delivering a much-needed victory.

As the strike dragged on, growers were not passively standing by - in addition to doubling down on the violence by hiring strikebreakers to assault pro-UFW farmworkers, growers turned to the Teamsters Union as a way of pre-empting the UFW, either by pre-emptively signing contracts with the Teamsters or effectively backing the Teamsters in union elections.

Part of the darker legacy of the Teamsters is that, going all the back to the 1930s, they have a nasty habit of raiding other unions, and especially during their mobbed-up days would work with the bosses to sign sweetheart deals that allowed the Teamsters to siphon dues money from workers (who had not consented to be represented by the Teamsters, remember) while providing nothing in the way of wage increases or improved working conditions, usually in exchange for bribes and/or protection money from the employers. Moreover, the Teamsters had no compunction about using violence to intimidate rank-and-file workers and rival unions in order to defend their "paper locals" or win a union election. This would become even more of an issue later on, but it started up as early as 1966.

Moreover, the growers attempted to adapt to the UFW's boycott tactics by sharing labels, such that a boycotted company would sell their products under the guise of being from a different, non-boycotted company. This forced the UFW to change its boycott tactics in turn, so that instead of targeting individual growers for boycott, they now asked unions and consumers alike to boycott all table grapes from the state of California.

By 1970, however, the growing strength of the national grape boycott forced no fewer than 26 Delano grape growers to the bargaining table to sign the UFW's contracts. Practically overnight, the UFW grew from a membership of 10,000 strikers (none of whom had contracts, remember) to nearly 70,000 union members covered by collective bargaining agreements.

1970 to 1978: The UFW Confronts Internal and External Crises

Up until now, I've been telling the kind of simple narrative of gradual but inevitable social progress that U.S history textbooks like, the Hollywood story of an oppressed minority that wins a David and Goliath struggle against a violent, racist oligarchy through the kind of non-violent methods that make white allies feel comfortable and uplifted. (It's not an accident that the bulk of the 2014 film Cesar Chavez starring Michael Peña covers the Delano Grape Strike.)

It's also the period in which the UFW's strengths as an organization that came out of the community organizing/civil rights movement were most on display. In the eight years that followed, however, the union would start to experience a series of crises that would demonstrate some of the weaknesses of that same institutional legacy. As Matt Garcia describes in From the Jaws of Victory, in the wake of his historic victory in 1970, Cesar Chavez began to inflict a series of self-inflicted injuries on the UFW that crippled the functioning of the union, divided leadership and rank-and-file alike, and ultimately distracted from the union's external crises at a time when the UFW could not afford to be distracted.

That's not to say that this period was one of unbroken decline - as we'll discuss, the UFW would win many victories in this period - but the union's forward momentum was halted and it would spend much of the 1970s trying to get back to where it was at the very start of the decade.

To begin with, we should discuss the internal contradictions of the UFW: one of the major features of the UFW's new contracts was that they replaced the shape-up with the hiring hall. This gave the union an enormous amount of power in terms of hiring, firing and management of employees, but the quid-pro-quo of this system is that it puts a significant administrative burden on the union. Not only do you have to have to set up policies that fairly decide who gets work and when, but you then have to even-handedly enforce those policies on a day-to-day basis in often fraught circumstances - and all of this is skilled white-collar labor.

This ran into a major bone of contention within the movement. When the locus of the grape strike had shifted from the fields to the urban boycotts, this had made a new constituency within the union - white college-educated hippies who could do statistical research, operate boycott houses, and handle media campaigns. These hippies had done yeoman's work for the union and wanted to keep on doing that work, but they also needed to earn enough money to pay the rent and look after their growing families, and in general shift from being temporary volunteers to being professional union staffers.

This ran head-long into a buzzsaw of racial and cultural tension. Similar to the conflicts over the role of white volunteers in CORE/SNCC during the Civil Rights Movement, there were a lot of UFW leaders and members who had come out of the grassroots efforts in the field who felt that the white college kids were making a play for control over the UFW. This was especially driven by Cesar Chavez' religiously-inflected ideas of Catholic sacrifice and self-denial, embodied politically as the idea that a salary of $5 a week (roughly $30 a week in today's money) was a sign of the purity of one's "missionary work." This worked itself out in a series of internicene purges whereby vital college-educated staff were fired for various crimes of ideological disunity.

This all would have been survivable if Chavez had shown any interest in actually making the union and its hiring halls work. However, almost from the moment of victory in 1970, Chavez showed almost no interest in running the union as a union - instead, he thought that the most important thing was relocating the UFW's headquarters to a commune in La Paz, or creating the Poor People's Union as a way to organize poor whites in the San Joaquin Valley, or leaving the union altogether to become a Catholic priest, or joining up with the Synanon cult to run criticism sessions in La Paz. In the mean-time, a lot of the UFW's victories were withering on the vine as workers in the fields got fed up with hiring halls that couldn't do their basic job of making sure they got sufficient work at the right wages.

Externally, all of this was happening during the second major round of labor conflicts out in the fields. As before, the UFW faced serious conflicts with the Teamsters, first in the so-called "Salad Bowl Strike" that lasted from 1970-1971 and was at the time the largest and most violent agricultural strike in U.S history - only then to be eclipsed in 1973 with the second grape strike. Just as with the Salinas strike, the grape growers in 1973 shifted to a strategy of signing sweetheart deals with the Teamsters - and using Teamster muscle to fight off the UFW's new grape strike and boycott. UFW pickets were shot at and killed in drive-byes by Teamster trucks, who then escalated into firebombing pickets and UFW buildings alike.

After a year of violence, reduced support from the rank-and-file, and declining resources, Chavez and the UFW felt that their backs were up against a wall - and had to adjust their tactics accordingly. With the election of Jerry Brown as governor in 1974, the UFW pivoted to a strategy of pressuring the state government to enact a California Agricultural Labor Relations Act that would give agricultural workers the right to organize, and with that all the labor protections normally enjoyed by industrial workers under the Federal National Labor Relations Act - at the cost of giving up the freedom to boycott and conduct secondary strikes which they had had as outsiders to the system.

This led to the semi-miraculous Modesto March, itself a repeat of the Delano-to-Sacramento march from the 1960s. Starting as just a couple hundred marchers in San Francisco, the March swelled to as many as 15,000-strong by the time that it reached its objective at Modesto. This caused a sudden sea-change in the grape strike, bringing the growers and the Teamsters back to the table, and getting Jerry Brown and the state legislature to back passage of California Agricultural Labor Relations Act.

This proved to be the high-water mark for the UFW, which swelled to a peak of 80,000 members. The problem was that the old problems within the UFW did not go away - victory in 1975 didn't stop Chavez and his Chicano constituency feuding with more distinctively Mexican groups within the movement over undocumented immigration, nor feuding with Filipino constituencies over a meeting with Ferdinand Marcos, and nor escalating these internal conflicts into a series of leadership purges.

Conclusion: Decline and Fall

At the same time, the new alliance with the Agricultural Labor Relations Board proved to be a difficult one for the UFW. While establishment of the agency proved to be a major boon for the UFW, which won most of the free elections under CALRA (all the while continuing to neglect the critical hiring hall issue), the state legislature badly underfunded ALRB, forcing the agency to temporarily shut down. The UFW responded by sponsoring Prop 14 in the 1976 elections to try to empower ALRB, and then got very badly beaten in that election cycle - and then, when Republican George Deukmejian was elected in 1983, the ALRB was largely defunded and unable to achieve its original elective goals.

In the wake of Deukmejian, the UFW went into terminal decline. Most of its best organizers had left or been purged in internal struggles, their contracts failed to succeed over the long run due to the hiring hall problem, and the union basically stopped organizing new members after 1986.

[jq37]

Seeing you describe your opinion on Wish (the movie itself) as "def do have oh boy" just has me curious now. What is it?

OK, so I let this sit in my inbox for a while because I planned to see Wish and I figured that it would be more fair to wait until I had a full picture of what the movie was before I started talking about it and...yeahhhhhhh having seen it my opinion has not changed. It's just intensified. 

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW (lol, this got past 7k words)

And, fair warning, it's pretty critical so if you don't want to read something critical about this movie then this is your exit.

tl;dr: I think the movie Wish fails at basically everything it sets out to do and it's an absolutely awful 100th Anniversary movie for Disney. 

When I say it fails at everything, I mean EVERYTHING*. I'm going to break this into sections for organizational purposes. 

*The one thing I'll give it a slight pass on is the art style which I don't love but also wasn't like make or break for me. I would have preferred true 2D or a better implementation of the blended 2D/3D style, but if the movie was otherwise of the quality of something like Spiderverse or Puss in Boots, the animation wouldn't have bothered me. Like, I watched S1 of The Dragon Prince with no problem. I can forgive janky animation--and it wasn't even super janky. Just odd. What I can't forgive is literally everything else about the movie. 

Characters

How is this movie so full of characters and yet devoid of characters that matter? There are a million characters in this movie and basically only two of them matter: The King and Asha. But neither of them are compelling in any meaningful way.

There's a lot of to do about the last batch of Disney protags being very same-y in a quirky, all fluff and no substance way and I don't really buy into that. I don't think that Raps, Anna, Moana, and Mirabel are palate swapped carbon copies of each other. They have unique backgrounds and struggles and motivations. I feel like they're all quirky, sure. But they all also have an identity BEYOND being quirky. 

I do NOT get that with Asha. I don't feel like I have a good idea of what makes her tick at all. Like, she's kind. She wants her grandpa to get his wish. She wants to be the King's apprentice so she can help people. The queen (we'll get to her) exposits to us that she cares about people. But being kind isn't in itself an entire personality. The way Mulan is kind (defying the law to spare her father the ravages of war in his old age) isn't the same way as the way Cinderella is kind (making clothes for her mouse friends and protecting them from the cat). Asha just has a generalized want to help people, which is an admirable trait, but doesn't give us much to latch onto. It's so telling to me that in a movie called "Wish" our main character's wish is just, "To have more than just this" And yes, Disney princesses wanting "more" is literally their whole thing, but it's always more specific than that. Mirabel wants to prove herself to her family. Rapunzel wants to experience life beyond her tower. Even Snow White--the Disney princess with the flimsiest story--wants to find her true love. That's a concrete motivation! Asha doesn't feel real to me as a character. It feels like the thing that drives her is that the plot needs to happen and that's it. 

The other important character in the movie is King Magnifico who was supposed to be a return to form for Disney in introducing another classic villain but he just fails at that so hard. The idea that he could stand toe to toe with any of the OGs like Lady Tremaine or Scar or even the latest villains like Dr. Facillier or Mother Gothel is laughable. He just doesn't have any gravitas. And his characterization is so odd. You can tell that they were trying to give him a "reasonable man doing unreasonable things for a good reason” backstory (both because of some images in the film and some stuff in interviews I read) but then they just...don't actually give the backstory? Like, they imply that the backstory exists but I don't remember them going into it at all. Which like, he doesn't NEED a tragic backstory. He can just be doing what he's doing because he's evil. Ursula didn't need a reason to want to rule the seas. She's just a boss bitch and she wants power. I don't need to dissect that any further. BUT if you tell me there’s a reason your villain is doing something, I need to see that reason. I don't understand why they would include that in the movie, just to do nothing with it. 

Beyond that, he's written in such a weird way. Like, despite the "maybe he has a point" angle they seem to want to go with, he's very obviously a self-absorbed ruler--like he'll say things like, "Yeah, I am super handsome" to his wife--which immediately dumps him into the camp villain category. But he's doing the controlling things he does in the movie of his own accord to get people to stick to the status quo he set up. Fine. That's a fine thing for a camp villain to be doing. But then, at a certain point in the movie, he just uses a forbidden magic evil book (which he has for some reason) that just fills him with evil, green magic and makes him 100% unhinged all of a sudden. And that's just...boring? Like, anything interesting you might have been able to do before that point about power and control and how sometimes you make a wrong choice with good intentions is just gone at that point. It sucks because there were a lot of right answers here. You could just make him evil because he's evil. That works. You could have him be seriously convinced that what he's doing is right and be willing to do whatever he needs to do to keep things that way. That works. You could say that he started out trying to be morally upright and then slid into enjoying the praise and control just a bit too much--and I think maybe that's what they were going for. But it does not come across that way. He just seems like a dick to the point where you're kinda questioning how he's pulling any of this off. Asha asks him one question and he flies off the handle. How does everyone not know he's an asshole if it takes so little to fluster him?

So I don't like our main hero or villain. But there are still SO MANY CHARACTERS in this movie. 

You've got Asha's SEVEN FRIENDS. Yes, SEVEN. they're based off of the seven dwarves, which is cute enough but do you know what happens when you give the hero seven sidekick characters? None of them get developed at all and you have to treat them like a unit. Only two of them matter at all--Dahlia (her best friend and the one who actually does more than just make dumb jokes or, worse, nothing at all) and Simon (the one who betrays them--more on that later). There is no story reason for them to have shoved in this many sidekicks. Especially since she also has…

Her animal sidekick, Valentino. Who is a very cute goat until he gets sprinkled with stardust and boom. He can talk. Which immediately made me like him less. Flounder he aint. The whole joke with him is that he's a baby goat with a rich, deep, baritone voice. That's it. Almost every joke he makes is either about that or his butt. Boo. 

Then, there's the Queen--Queen Amaya--who is such a NOTHING character. There's no effort made to build up her relationship with the king so that her flipping on him later has an emotional impact. I have no idea what she cares about or desires. When she shows up, she's basically acting like the king's secretary, which is weird. I don't think that's what a queen does. There's a moment during a later song when she joins the "revolution" and it just has zero impact because again, it's like, I don't know who you are in any significant way! She seems nice, and I would love to live somewhere ruled by someone boring and benign, but that makes for an awful movie character. 

I almost wrote "lastly, there's the star" because I totally forgot about Asha's mom and grandpa. They're in this movie too but even though Asha's whole motivation at the start of the movie is getting her grandpa's wish granted, we never get a good idea of what their relationship is. They have like, one quick scene at the top which tells us nothing, then they're in a crowd scene later, then Asha has dinner with them later the same day and that's it. And, again, we get nothing significant. Compared to something like Mulan where you have a good idea of what Mulan's relationship is with every member of her family by the time the military order comes in or Encanto where between the musical number at the top and the first group scene, you get an entire picture, this is really weak. Again, so weak that I completely forgot that they were even in this movie. 

And NOW lastly, there's the star. Who is like, cute enough but he really makes me annoyed because I've seen the original concepts and they would have been so much more interesting! That's the case for the queen too, so I'll talk about both of them together here. 

I am sorry to inform you if you didn't already know but the queen was originally supposed to be evil too.

She was supposed to be a part of an evil power couple with Magnifico and how dope would that have been? We've never gotten that from Disney before. Imagine! Disney Villain Song Duet! A Hot couples costume for next Halloween! An actual relationship that's developed in this movie! But nope. They unflavor-blasted her into the paper thin, placeholder of a character we have in the movie. 

And the Star went through a couple of concepts. One, was the spirit of her dead grandpa, taking a younger form, which isn't my fave one but it at least would give her a relationship with this person who is supposedly an important person in her life, something we don't have in the movie right now. My favorite alternate concept is that originally, the Star was supposed to be her celestial love interest. And listen, anyone who's followed me for long enough knows that I am a big advocate for platonic relationships and FRONTING platonic relationships. I don't think that a story needs a romantic relationship to be compelling and I think forcing one in almost always makes it worse. But there is NO central relationship in this movie to carry it. Asha has too many friends for any one of them to make a serious impact so it's not a friendship story. Her mom and grandpa are nothing characters, so it's not a family story. She interacts with the star a lot, but that's basically just her talking to herself because the start doesn’t talk. So nothing is really there to latch onto. If they'd decided to go with the romance angle, it would have forced them to focus on at least ONE relationship and it would have been a nice way to throwback to classic Disney movies from the past. Much better than just sticking her with SEVEN WHOLE USELESS FRIENDS. Literally, all they provide is backup vocals in the fight song. Special Dishonorable Mention to Gabo. Man I hate that dude. 

So, to recap this section, Asha's personality is only sketched out in the loosest possible way, King Magnifico is entirely half-baked, and there are so many side characters that no one can form meaningful relationships with each other. And it's really a shame because (1) they very easily could have pared down the cast and (2) very recently Disney put out Encanto which handles a large cast beautifully. There are a ton of Madrigals but I can tell you what the deal of each and every one is. This could have been done well and they fumbled so hard. 

Concept

OK, so next up is the general plot and concept. This story takes place in the city of Rosas which is ruled by King Magnifco. It is supposedly a paradise, but much like a YA dystopian novel, it has a twist: When you turn 18, Magnifico takes your wish away from you and puts in in his wish room with the promise that it might be granted at one of the monthly wish granting ceremonies. Once your wish is taken from you, you are "unburdened" and you're "free" from having to pursue it. You don't even remember what it was. 

There's a kernel of something interesting there. A ruler making his subjects docile, placid zombies that won't challenge him by taking away their ambition? That's interesting. People willingly giving away a part of their heart to dull the pain of trying and failing? Interesting. Someone doing this with no ill intent, but rather genuinely thinking that this half-existence is better than the heartbreak of the alternative? Interesting!

But the actual implementation of this idea? Ughhhhhh. 

So first off, just logistically, Magnifico grants one wish a month more or less (Asha says once a month and in his villain song, he said he granted 14 wishes "last year"). So like, realistically, most of these people have to know their wishes will never be granted, right? Because of like...how math works? Asha acts like it's a big shock when she learns that most wishes won't be granted but like girl...math. 

Secondly, there are two moments that are meant to imply that having your wish taken away turns you into a shell of yourself. Asha's friend (who betrays her) Simon is said to be all sleepy and more boring since he turned 18 and had his wish taken. And then, later in the movie, we see two new residents have their wishes taken, and they look a little disturbed after it happens. But, here's the thing. NO ONE ELSE IN THE MOVIE ACTS LIKE THAT. Asha's mom and grandpa act like normal people. So do all the other characters. It’s not consistent enough to establish that this is what’s on the line. Does taking your wish away make you a robot or not?

And does everyone just have one wish? I know I could fill a full sheet of paper, front and back, with things that matter very dearly to me. If you took away my wish to write for TV someday, that would still leave my wishes to travel the world and get a comic book adaptation of one of my novels and a whole lot of other things! Does taking your main wish away make you lose your ability to form new wishes? Logistically, how does any of this work? And you can't just say, "It's a metaphor. Don't think too hard about it," because there's a scene where the citizens start asking these questions. Like, "What happens if we have a new wish than from when we initially made it?" As if having unnamed side characters ask the questions first will alleviate the need to answer them. It's not lamp shading at that point. You're just being lazy. 

Also, this is more a me thinking about the implications too hard than an actual plot problem but if he's taking the wishes at 18 I feel like a lot of peoples' greatest desire at that stage in their life is, "I want a romantic partner." And if the central conceit of this premise is that once your wish is taken, you stop wanting to pursue it then the city of Rosas is gonna have a population Collapse problem very soon. 

The characters--especially Asha--get so emotional about wishes. It's like they're giving a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic speech every time they talk about it (except MLP has MUCH better writing). It's bizarre to see Asha's mom get her wish back and be like, "Oh my wish. My precious wish!" when she doesn't act any differently than a normal person before or after she has it back (Sidenote: She says this and she's holding the wish ball but we never see what that wish is and that's maddening. Why do I know what the dream of every patron in the Snuggly Duckling is, but they didn't show that? Ridic.) It almost is like, being in contact with a wish ball is a quasi-religious experience that drives the characters’ actions (Asha and the King are both totally enraptured while singing together in the Wish Room), but because we, the audience, are very much not in contact with the wish balls, we're not getting ANY of that. 

Anyway, to recap this section: the central premise of how wishes work and how taking them affects people is not treated consistently or explained well, which makes the stakes feel very undefined and sloppy. 

Pacing

This has to be its own section, because it's the thing that baffled me most when I watched this movie. So, here's the setup. Asha is going to interview for the internship with the king. She wants to help people and she has the secondary motive of wanting to try and get her 100-year-old grandpa's wish granted because he's not getting any younger. 

Here is the entire sequence: Asha is led into the interview by Queen Amaya. Asha is awkward but makes a good enough first impression that Magnifico is moved to show her the wish room (for some reason). They sing a duet about the wishes where they’re both dazzled by the Wish balls. During the song, Asha finds her Grandpa's wish and after the song, she asks him to grant it. He looks at the wish and says while she has good intentions, it's too dangerous to grant--as are most wishes. She asks why not give them back then and he immediately flies off the handle and starts ranting about how HE decides which wishes get granted and what everyone deserves! 

Their first meeting and him showing his true colors happens in the SAME SCENE. It's like 7-10 minutes and they just RUSH through all of that. And it's like, why? Did they really need to get to that dumbass star song (we'll get to that) faster? 

I know that he isn't a twist villain so we don't need to keep the fact that he’s the bad guy under wraps. And, the way the story is structured, she needs to learn what he's doing before she can rebel against him. But it's not gonna be a big, impactful moment if you're rushing from beat to beat like this is an essay that's due in twenty minutes and you started five minutes ago. 

And it really makes you wonder, if Asha can blow the whole lid off this conspiracy within ten minutes of meeting this guy, why is this not happening more often? Between how obviously smarmy the King is, how paltry the wish granting system is, and how easily Asha was able to start asking questions and get him to blow his top (something that happens again later when the citizens start asking question–it literally drives him into his villain song) I don't believe that this wouldn't have happened earlier (Sidenote: Finding out that it HAD happened earlier and that Asha is the latest in a line of failed apprentices who questioned him? More interesting premise). 

So to recap: I have no idea why this movie is paced like this but it's not doing it any favors. 

Humor

Humor is very subjective so you can take this with a huge grain of salt but I think this is a deeply unfunny movie. 

The jokes fall into about three main categories:

(1) Quirky Humor: This is like Asha babbling and tripping over her words. The scene in the trailer where she's like, "Is my face drooping?" is a good example. It's not really a joke but it's clearly an attempt at humor that I don't think meets the mark. It's also in the songs with, for instance, the animals or the King saying slang that doesn't match how they talk or you'd expect them to talk at all and it just feels deeply incongruent, not funny. 

(2) Referential Humor: This is probably what bothered me the most because it was just so so very eye-roll inducing. And listen, I love a good reference. Enchanted is my favorite movie of all time. I don’t begrudge them for putting a few references in their 100th Anniversary movie. But ugh. There is a scene after the king's gone crazy where he's destroying wish bubbles for power and he's like, looking at the wishes and making a quip before he crushes them. And for the second one he goes, "Oh you want a nanny for your kids? Definitely  POPPING this one!" And he might as well have looked at the camera and said, "Get it? Get it?" and it took 6 months off my lifespan. (Sidenote: He he does a direct ref with the first two wish bubbles--Peter Pan and Mary Poppins–and then he just makes a general ref to the concept of true love with the last one and it's like, come on at least rule of threes this if you're gonna do it. Commit to your awful bit!)

(3) Kiddie Humor: This is where things get especially subjective because maybe a little kid would find this stuff really funny and they are a part of the target audience so that's valid. But it doesn't add much substance to the movie. This is like the goat being like, "I found a secret passage with my butt" or leading a chicken choir or singing the line, "So that's where all the balls of gas come from" while sticking his butt in the air--a lot of these have to do with the goat and his butt now that I think about it. 

I think I only laughed at one thing in the movie that was meant to be at least partially funny--when the Queen interrupts the fight song and everyone is like "Oh shit, we're busted!" before she starts singing along. 

So to recap: Sometimes a movie has a weak story but it's super funny and that makes up for it. This is not one of those movies.

Music

This is the one thing I already knew before I watched this movie: The music in this movie is bad. 

Like, fullstop, no qualifications bad. Not bad for a Disney movie. Not bad for this story. Just bad.

I was a little confused by the choice to pick a pop artist instead of someone who specializes in musical theater style music for this project, but a more pop-y musical doesn't automatically mean a worse musical. Sure, maybe it's a weird choice to pay homage to the past 100 years of Disney movies, but it could be good. I love Six the Musical.

But that's the problem. The songs aren't just unfitting. They're not just un-Disney. They're fully BAD. They feel so half-baked and God, I've never been so assaulted by slant rhymes in my life. Like, this bothers me to the point where I have to go through the entire tracklist. I can't just make a blanket statement, I have to show you what I mean:

1) Welcome to Rosas: This whole song sounds like someone listened to “Where you Are” from Moana (the "consider the coconut" song), “Belle” from Beauty and the Beast, and “The Family Madrigal” from Encanto and was like, "I could do that". And then they couldn't. It's not really catchy and it's pretty repetitive. Super forgettable. 

Worst Line: Honestly, this song is too boring to have a worst line. 

2) At All Costs: This is the duet that Asha and Magnifico sing. Before I saw the movie, I thought it was going to be Asha singing about a wish and Magnifico singing to his wife to set up the eventual rift between them but that was before I realized that this movie doesn't believe in relationship building. Some of the movie's worst musical sins are on display here. Turns of phrases that seem like they were written by AI and bizarre syntax. 

Like what does, "You pull me in, like some kind of wind" mean? That's not what wind does. Why would anyone ever say, "Felt this? No, I haven't" instead of "I haven't felt this?" That's so awkward. 

Worst Line: "Leave you here, I don't wanna. I wanna [promise as one does]." My feelings about this line could be a whole other essay, but I've been writing this for 2 hours already so I have to move on. 

3) This Wish: This is the big "I Want" song and it fails on several levels. It fails in comparison to all the songs it’s standing in the shadow of--like the last “I Want” song we got is, I believe, “Waiting on a Miracle” and man! How can you not feel for Mirabel after watching her go through everything she goes through at the start of the movie and it getting topped with her being excluded from the family portrait? You see all the build up (including the implied build up from before the movie started) and you see why it's all bubbled up to the point where she has no choice but to sing about it! With Asha, there isn't a whole lifetime of angst that's bubbling up to make her sing this song. Everything that's happened to her has happened over the hour of like eight hours tops. She meets the king, finds out about the king, realizes the whole system is bad, and then gets into an argument with her family who's drunk the Kool-Aid and doesn't wanna hear what she has to say (which makes no impact on us because we have no idea what their relationship is). That's it. It doesn't feel like the movie has earned the song.

And then with “Waiting for a Miracle” the music itself is plaintive and soaring. Like, I just paused writing to listen to it and I couldn't help but sing along and pour a little of my actual IRL "I Want" energy into it. It's a song that feels very real. “This Wish” isn't any of that. And it's not the actresses' fault! She's pouring her whole heart into it and she consistently does all movie. But the song is just, bland. Like I said, "I want to have more than this" is too weak a hook to hang your whole song on–especially when it’s the song that’s supposed to be the thesis of your whole movie.  

Worst Line: "So I look up at the stars to guide me/And throw caution to every warning sign." That's not a thing people say and also it doesn't mean anything. If anything, it sounds like she's saying that she's being extra cautious at the warning signs! You can't just throw words together haphazardly and expect them to retain their meaning!

4) I'm a Star: This is, imo, the worst song on the whole track. A friend of mine described it as sounding like a song from a preschool science show and that's exactly it, but there's more to it than that. 

First of all, a big part of the reason this song exists is to set up the fact that humans are made of stardust because that's a plot point in the climax. But there didn't need to be a song about that. That would be like if Frozen 2 had a song about how water has memory. But like, OK. If the song was a bop, it wouldn't matter that it was superfluous. Haus of Holbein in Six does NOT need to be there, but I enjoy it! I do NOT enjoy this song however. 

This is something I alluded to earlier, but this soundtrack in general and this song specifically sounds like it's trying to do LMM's schtick but poorly. And I know some people don't like his whole style of music (I personally like it) but love him or hate him, his style without his skill? Awful. The presentation of fun facts in the middle of a fun song makes me think of his "Look it Up" in “Shiny” or "That's true" in “A Winter's Ball”. And there's a part where a turtle (we'll get to the talking animals) sings "See we're all just little nebulae in a nursery/From supernovas now we've grown into our history/We're taking whys right out of mystery, closure/Now we're taking in all the star exposure" And it really sounds like someone doing their best to emulate Lin's flow in things like Mirabel's aside to Mariano in “The Family Madrigal” or any number of songs I could name from Hamilton. But it just falls so flat here. It sounds so preschool and cheesy. And not preschool in a fun way. Backyardigans would never. 

Also, this song is sung by a bunch of talking animals (the Star gives them the ability to talk) and I find them so obnoxious. They say stuff like, "Did we just blow your mind?" with the "boom" sound effect and I hate it. Maybe kids will like them, I dunno. I refuse to get into it further. 

Worst Line: This song completely misuses the word allegory, which I hate, and it rhymes it with "excitatory" which I hate more (and I am saying this as someone who has made peace with the fact that Schwartz rhymes "nasty" with "flabbergasty" in Disenchanted) but there is only one line in this song that can be considered the true worst line because it's my least favorite line in the whole movie. A dumbass, stoner-sounding deer named Bambi (boo) sings, "Ooh, I'm a star! Watch out world, here I are"

They rhyme the word star--not a hard word to rhyme at all--with HERE I ARE. 

I firmly believe someone should go to jail for that. 

5) This is The Thanks I Get?!: This is the much anticipated and extremely disappointing villain song. There's just no gravitas and it's not clever enough to be very fun. It's just kinda bopping along which is eh, kind of fun at best, but like everything else in this movie, doesn't leave an impact. A musical number doesn't have to be obviously sinister like “Be Prepared” or, the holy (unholy?) grail, “Hellfire”, to be impactful. “Mother Knows Best” is bright and filled with false cheer but it still works because we can see the manipulation that Gothel is doing and she spins Raps around in mental circles to keep her docile. This is just an egotistical rant--and not even in a fun, Gaston kind of way! (Sidenote: Gaston is a good example of a villain who is preening and pompous and kind fo campy, but who you see why he’s beloved AND he can be menacing when the scene calls for it). 

Also, it's so full of weird slang that Magnifico doesn't use at any other point in the movie. "Peep the name", "Ungrateful much", "Mmm, are you sure you're not the prob?" It's like he suddenly got possessed by Urban Dictionary. It's bizarre. 

It also comes weirdly late in the movie, which isn't a complaint, just an observation. 

Worst Line: I think "peep the name" is my least fave but, because I already said that, the opening lines of this song are, "I can't help it if mirrors love my face. It's genetics! Yeah, I got these genes from outer space" and that's such a weird thing to say. I got these genes from outer space? He wasn't even there for the star song so what the hell does he mean by that?

6) Knowing What I Know Now: I feel like this is the song that had the most potential. But for all its build, it never builds to anything. It starts and ends so abruptly (which is the case for multiple songs on this list). We don't really get to know any of the characters well except for Asha so them joining the revolution has no impact. The Queen turning on Magnifico really doesn't have much impact. 

(There's a line in this song where a character sings, "I was sweet but now I'm something else" which is so funny because we literally know nothing about her except that she surprises people when she's in a room which, lmao, me too. Fully forgot you were in this movie, girl). 

Worst Line: "The good in him, I've watched it melt". There's technically nothing wrong with this line but I hate it because melting with regard to emotion is never, "Oh, his goodness is melting". It just hits the ear so wrong. You can watch the good in him disappear or fade or vanish. Not melt. Hearts melt. 

There's also a reprise and a credits song but I have talked about the music for too long as is so to sum up, there is not a single song on this list that I will ever purposefully listen to for enjoyment ever again and there are a few lines that I feel calls for someone being forced to go to whatever the musical version of the Hague is to explain themselves. 

MISC

This is just a section for things that annoyed me that didn't fit anywhere else. 

There's a moment where Asha sees Star which is a star that has fallen to earth and is shaped like a star and she's not able to put together than he's a star until she looks up at a ball of yarn that's tangled in the trees and sees that the yarn is shaped like a star...which again, Star is ALSO shaped like a star! Baffling. 

Gabo at one point makes a comment to the effect of, "Wishing on a Star? Grow up Asha, this isn't a fairy tale." And it's like, dude shut up. Your king is a sorcerer. This movie isn't funny enough to pull off that kind of wink to the audience. 

The actual funniest part of the movie is when a talking mouse (not a thing that usually exists in this world) runs onto the Queen's shoulder during a big speech in front of a crowd and not only does no one notice, but she has no stronger reaction than if a messenger was telling her that her dinner was ready. And not in an underreaction for the purposes of a joke way. Like, in a they forgot to write in a reaction for her way. It's so unintentionally hilarious. 

They specifically set this in the real world–off the coast of the Iberan Peninsula–but I didn’t get any of that influence in any significant way here. It could have been any generic island town. Rosas sounds like a Spanish name and “Welcome to Rosas” there is some dancing that looks like traditional Spanish dancing. But on a whole, it feels pretty bland. When I think about studying abroad in Spain, one of the big things I think about are all the moments with food–patatas con bravas, pan con tomatae, paella, and so so much coffee. The only food I remember from this movie are the novelty cookies Dahlia is always baking. Which is wild to me because their last big musical was Encanto and you could feel the cultural influences in every scene and it was seamless. This wouldn’t even bother me if that hadn’t made a point to set it in a specific part of the real world and call it out. 

A lot of the dialogue is super expository in a way that both makes me think the writers think we’re stupid and that they realized at certain points that they forgot to establish things but instead of fixing the script they just shoved in a line. Like, to the first point, there’s a part where Magnifico crushes a wish and it’s very clear that he’s getting a high from it. But instead of letting the moment stand he’s like, “Oh yes. Who knew crushing wishes would feel so good? I must continue to crush wishes so I keep feeling this good feeling,” and it’s like…why did you need to say all of that? Old Power Rangers episodes have their villains monologue less than that!

This movie opens on a storybook–just like Snow White–and it has a voice over of Asha narrating the history of Rosas as the pages flip. Not a bad idea–until you push into the scene and realize she’s telling all of this to…her grandpa? Who is 100 years old and lived through all of this? What? Why not have that scene be a kid flashback and the story is being told to her? Or have her be doing the little kid thing of telling a story to an adult? Either way, that would help establish their relationship which is ostensibly very important to this movie. Or, wild thought, just have her be telling this story to kids! Like Mirabel explaining all the Madrigal gifts in Encanto! Like, if you’re gonna take cues from that movie, at least go all the way so your movie makes sense. 

It’s very unclear how Star’s magic works. It seems like he mostly just gives wildlife the ability to talk. I thought he was just granting wishes but he never does that to any of the humans. And I find it hard to believe that the wish of every animal (and mushroom)  in this movie is just to be able to talk.

Easy Fixes

And all of this is compounded by the fact that this isn’t just any random movie or even any random Disney movie. It’s the *100th ANNIVERSARY*. You only get one of those and this is what they wasted it on. My hopes were really high here! I was expecting a lot of love and care to be put into this one, but it just fell absolutely flat. It feels so rote, so by the numbers, so lacking in care. It feels like the shell of an outline of a movie that relies on the fact that we know what a movie of this sort should be and can fill in the blanks. 

And the worst part? The absolute worst part?

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY EASY MOVIE TO FIX. 

Like, I’m serious. If you watch this movie, you will be able to, off the cuff, name tons of things that would have solved problems without breaking a sweat. 

For instance, just cutting her friend group down from seven to two would have helped immensely. If she, Dahlia, and Simon have a Three Musketeers relationship, then when he betrays her to the king, it actually means something now! 

For a bigger but still obvious change, why not have Asha have an existing relationship with Magnifico? So then this story can be about her losing faith in this relationship she’s had for a long time after she’s seen behind the curtain and become jaded over time and not a 7 minute “Don’t Meet Your Heroes” speedrun.

And making it clear what taking a Wish from a person means–and following through with that portrayal all movie–would all be a game changer. Show that Magnifico’s magical wish granting still leaves the people hollow. Show that Asha is a vibrant, bright person amongst a sea of robotic adults. Show me some worldbuilding! 

Also, just hire a musical theater person to do the music. Seriously I can’t believe I have to say this? How is there not a single good song in this movie? There are DCOMs with more bangers than this. Almost every song in High School Musical is a bop. How are you getting outshone by High School Musical?

And these are just changes that preserve the bulk of the story as is. This movie could have been even better if they’d change the direction to go with some of their scrapped ideas!

This is just a movie that absolutely baffles me. I wouldn’t think it would be possible for a movie with this high of a profile to be this bad. You would think that even accidentally they’d have to get SOMETHING right. But they really don’t. I can’t recommend this movie, even for a fun-bad watch. It’s like eating unsalted saltines while you have dry mouth. Just watch a better movie. And here are three movies I think are more in the spirit of Disney’s 100th anniversary than Wish:

(1) The Princess and the Frog does literally everything that this movie is trying to do but better. You’ve got a movie that used a 2D style in the 3D era. You have integration of cultural elements–in this case New Orleans in the 20s. You have a classic princess story with the classic trappings: romance, villain, fairy godmother. You have a rocking villain song. Hell, you even have a wishing star motif! 

(2) Encanto is the latest Disney movie of the modern era to have that classic Disney magic, imo. It sidesteps a lot of the classic Disney tropes–no princess, no serious romance (Delores and Mariano end up together but it’s very much a side thing), no villain beyond generational trauma–but it still feels musical and magical and full of character and life. It shows that you can keep the big emotions that we expect from Disney even with more modern sensibilities. 

(3) Enchanted is my favorite movie of all time so I’m biased, but I still firmly believe that it stands as a better movie in general and tribute to Disney specifically than Wish. THIS is how you do an homage. The whole plot is a loving roast of all the quirks of classic Disney movies, but it’s also a sincere story that stands on its own. It has references to old movies, but they’re integrated very naturally. And it’s funny enough to get away with things like a character mid-musical number being like, “What the hell is happening? Why is everybody singing?” without it feeling like lazy, “Well that just happened” humor. And the music is so good! 

(A quick note on the music btw: Most of the songs in Enchanted are musical theater style songs but there’s one song near the end called “So Close” which is like a pop ballad. And it totally makes sense why they’d depart from the musical theater style in that moment in context but, even if it was jarring and totally unfitting for the movie, it’s still objectively a strong song. Out of context, it would be a great, sad, romantic song. And if the music in Wish was all like that–good but unfitting–this would confuse me less than it does.)

Anyway, I would shell out a LOT of money for a making of documentary for this movie in the style of the Frozen 2 one because as writer and a fan of a lot of Disney’s past stuff, it is completely beyond my comprehension who a team of accomplished people get together to create the 100th Anniversary project with their vast resources and produce this. It just doesn't feel like a movie with any serious care put into it. Which is separate from quality, btw. I don’t like the movie Raya very much but I think it’s obvious a lot of care went into it and I respect this. Wish feels like a movie that was made to fill some kind of contractual obligation and it makes me sad because I really wanted to like it.