#Solas is torn

[possessiveandobsessive]

Wisdom and Pride

Solas has been at war with himself for thousands of years. All wars have to end eventually.

**Contains Solavellen so if you're not about it you may not vibe with**

**This short was inspired by and written to this song if you'd like to listen**

Solas stood at the edge of the water and stared down at his own reflection. He looked nearly the same he had in his life before this. Before he had made one of the biggest mistakes of his long life. His expression was impassive, the exact opposite of what he felt on the inside at that moment.

Liar.

He had been. He was the elven god of lies, treachery, and rebellion. But he was done with that. It hadn't been a title he relished even then. He wasn't lying anymore.

More lies. You can't stop can you?

A bitterness filled his mouth and he watched as his expression morphed into a frown; his brows furrowed. It wasn't his fault. He did the things he did and made the choices he made because he HAD to. Small, inconsequential lies were necessary for the greater good. That was all there was to it. Whatever it takes. That's what he had decided many, many years ago. He'd do whatever it took to right his wrong. Solas was saving the world, not destroying it. The others couldn't understand it because they didn't know the things he did. They hadn't seen the things he had seen.

More lies.

It WASN'T a lie. No matter what Varric had to say about it. No matter what she-

Solas shut his eyes tightly. There was no point in going down that path. The point was that he wasn't lying to anyone. He had finally told the truth. He was Fen'Harel. He locked the false gods away. He created the Veil. Now, it was up to him to set it right. There were no falsities in these statements.

There are. The Dread Wolf is filled with guilt and indecision. Who are you saving this time Solas?

He ground his teeth harshly. The WORLD. Solas was saving the WORLD. He was finally putting everything right. All of his regrets, they could be laid to rest after this. The gods imprisoned, the Veil no more, and the blight far from the grasp of those who would use it to their own advantage. This was the way that the world was meant to be. He had broken it before. It was his duty to set it right.

You're not saving anyone. You act as a blind fool. So many innocent lives will be lost. No one benefits from the Veil falling. No one but you. You're no different than the selfish gods you locked away.

NO.

Solas was not a god. He never claimed to be one. That wasn't right. He saved his people from the false gods. He rid the world of those so called gods. No, Solas was a man. A foolish man who made mistakes. Mistakes he was preparing to set right.

Set it right. Set it right. Who are YOU to decide what's right, if not a god? Is that not what the false gods of Arlathan said as they took slaves to build an empire? Is that not what Mythal said as she begged you to sever the dreams from the Titans? As you destroyed an entire race? As you created the blight that has sentenced hundreds of thousands to death over the years? The blight that killed the griffons?

That's not right. That's ignoring the context. Ignoring the lives that were being lost to the first great war. Solas had done what was necessary. He did what it took. Even when it cost him everything he loved. That's what heroes do. They do what is necessary when no one else can.

Heroes are named by those they save. You're not saving anyone. Only signing death warrants. You didn't make a sacrifice, you decided a price for your own sins.You are the villain once again Dread Wolf.

Finally Solas snapped. Shouting with all the air his lungs could hold, magic flew wildly from his body. His rage lit up the sky in blue-green light. Why? Why? Why?

Why was he destined only to suffer? To walk alone for eternity? He was good. He wanted to help people, to save people. So why was he the villain in every story?

His shout fizzled out as he gasped for air and fell to his knees. He had lost everything that ever mattered to him. He sacrificed it all. How was he supposed to live with that fact if.... if he was wrong?

You will suffer for your pride. You will feel true pain.

Tears fell in fat droplets onto his knees. They were running like rivers down his pallid cheeks.

"I have no purpose if not to set my wrongs right. If I am no hero, if I'm fighting the wrong war, then I no longer have purpose."

Pain. All he felt was pain. Emotional, mental, physical, he couldn't see straight anymore. Red bursts filled his vision and he was spiraling as if he had come untethered from reality. There was no end to this torture, not if he had no purpose or direction. He was trapped in binds of his own creation. This was a noose he had tied, and he saw no way out.

This is real sacrifice. Your pain, for the lives of the innocent. Suffering is the product of sacrifice. The true heroes of history suffered. They did so willingly, some proudly, because they recognize their lives are but one in a world of millions. Heroes do not chase glory. Many of the greatest heroes never achieve glory, never even get acknowledgement in death.This is what being a hero feels like, Fen'Harel. Are you prepared to be one?

Sobs ripped from his throat. He couldn't remembering every making these sounds before. He felt like he was being torn open. His flesh felt raw, it BURNED.

"I am a monster. I am the monster. The Dread Wolf indeed. And now, the time for my reckoning has come."

And now you are truly free.

Solas slowly opened his eyes. They were dry, and burned as if they were made of flames. His chest hurt, and he still heaved with silent sobs. Dizziness consumed him. His knees were weak, too weak to hold him if he tried to stand. Solas's nails dug into the earth and his face fell into an expression of complete exhaustion.

"How is this freedom? Nothing has changed." His voice was barely a whisper, and it cracked as he finished the short question.

Everything has changed. You have accepted the truth at last. Admitted to your many lies, your deceptions, and your selfish nature.

"That knowledge shackles me further! How am I to live now? I have admitted I am a monster, what good does that do anyone?!" It hurt his raw throat to shout, but he was too angry and empty to care. Let it hurt. He deserved it.

You can return to her.

Solas's eyes widened and his breath caught. He was overtaken by the image of long silver hair in a neat braid, and blue eyes staring into him. Those eyes looked into his very soul, as if they could see things no one else ever had. Maybe they did.

He could almost smell the soft lavender that seemed to linger wherever she had been, and cling to whatever she touched. It clung to his very soul.

Solas could see her face, completely bare now with no trace of the ancient slave markings she had unknowingly borne. Her smiles had always left him breathless.

Dimples appeared on freckled cheeks that glowed a soft red when he complimented her. He missed her. More than he had ever missed anything.

Imagining her lashes fluttering closed as he held her gently. Complete trust. She had always been steadfast in her faith in him. Solas needed to hold her again; needed to tell her how sorry he was and beg her for forgiveness.

Go to her. She can be your future. You can rebuild your heart and mend your fractured soul. With her at your side, full of belief, you can still be a hero. You can lift the sorrow you so harshly left on her shoulders. Go to her. Make it right. She is the only home you have left, and the only one you'll ever need. Live quietly, Wolf.

For several moments the only sound that could be heard in the small clearing was his shaky, uneven breaths. He wanted to go to her. He wanted to go home. But how could he? After everything he had done? Would she even welcome him?

All you can do is try. That is all anyone can do. If you love her, you will try with everything you have.

Squaring his shoulders, Solas slowly got to his feet. It was an effort to move at all after that episode. His muscles and bones felt like water. But Solas stood tall at last, setting his jaw with determination. His eyes seemed to glow brightly against the dark backdrop of night. The Dread Wolf was done hiding. He was done tucking his tail and fleeing like a pathetic pup.

He was going home, and he was ready to fight for it.

[icharchivist]

I think one thing i really hate about Veilguard is that in this attempt to make Solas less sympathetic they do simplify his motivations and end up doing things specifically for people to dislike him (re: the whole Varric storyline),

but they also just make everyone around him paragons of virtues so it becomes clearer, so it does end up being too black and white.

Like Solas has flaws! he's ruthless! he would kill his friends if they got in the way of his goals! A lot of people died because of the calls he made! he's pragmatic! he copes by not seeing people as "real"! He manipulates other people! those sucks, right?

But in DAI he's balanced with Bull who also says that he has to deshumanize the people in front of him to just be okay with killing them. or Vivienne who casually mentions that killing the servants is a normal way to play The Game. Or Dorian who argues in favor of slavery in the main game and then approves of Fen'Harel's methods in Trespasser after he starts to realize radical action is necessary. Or Blackwall who made a terrible call too as a general once and still is paying the consequences of it. Or Leliana who is also someone who was made into a weapon to support someone she loved "her call, but my conscience to bear the consequences". Also just Leliana or Vivienne or Josephine being quite manipulative themselves.

Or even Felassan in The Masked Empire letting Imshael kill innocent elves, being ready to kill Briala once she starts to see through his plan.

Or Solas' arrogance over everything he knows about the past that clashes with Morrigan's own arrogance about it when they talk in the Temple of Mythal.

Veilguard meanwhile both have the most inoffensive companions of the whole franchise (none of them deal with guilt for something they actually did, at worse they have misplaced guilt (Bellara), else don't worry even the assassin knows he only ever kills bad people. (compared to Zevran who knows he had been sent to kill people who perhaps didn't deserve it).), and when it can bring back a character from before, it's by stripping them of anything that would make them sympathize with Solas.

Re: Felassan losing his edge completely just to be shocked about Solas' actions, or Morrigan joking about how she humansplained him elven history and "resolving" her conflict with Mythal offscreen to better lecture Solas' about his own later. (which i'm so angry at, Morrigan's "arc" this game made me so angry, my god.)

So instead of Solas being flawed, the way Any Dragon Age Character is flawed, he's demonized to the extreme while also refusing to have any characters match his freak.

And it's not even mentioning how Rook fails at also having any chances of relating to Solas, in a way the Inquisitor could (if only because as a leader sometimes you make calls that will get people killed. Re, all the people who died in Adamant or in the Grey Wardens' War Table missions, and it's not even mentioning the one War Table mission about whether to sacrifice innocents to find Red Templars or give up on a promising lead.)

And it's why lots of Solas' fans will end up being much more defensive about him because the gap created in Veilguard is just... deeply out of synch with the way the franchise had dealed with controversial characters yet.

That makes Veilguard a lot more frustrating than it even is to start with.

[lagunapoint]

The lyrium dagger sliced through the veil, and the world shuddered. The air quivered like a taut string, and Lavellan’s chest tightened with the fear. Magic flared in her veins, and the hum in her ears swelled, drowning out everything. It seemed as if time itself was stirred, breaking under an invisible force. Lavellan fell to her knees, and a furious whirlwind spun around her, shredded by warped space. For a moment, her gaze drowned in the chaos surrounding her. 

Rook was screaming nearby, helplessly trying to bring Neve to her senses. Morrigan had vanished, as though she had never existed at all. Lavellan barely managed to lift her hand to her ear, trying to protect herself from the invisible pressure, but her fingers felt a sticky dampness. She looked at her palm: blood. At the very instant her mind began to yield to despair, everything around came to a halt. Space grew thick and viscous, like honey, and time froze, as if it decided to grant them one last chance. She raised her eyes. Solas stood before her, his back turned, yet even from a distance she could see how tense he was. His hand clenched the dagger still buried in the veil. Concentration and resolve were etched into his every movement, but he did not dare take the final step.

"Vhenan…" she whispered, yet her voice echoed through the distorted space. Solas froze, turning toward her. In his eyes burned a mixture of pain and desperate determination.

"I must do this," he said, not releasing the dagger’s hilt. "Even if it destroys your world."

Lavellan tried to stand, but the energy around twisted into dense vortices, as if thousands of invisible ribbons were binding her.

"My world is you, my love," she said, feeling the pressure grow, as if about to crush her. Solas closed his eyes, and his voice trembled.

"You are too close to the rift, vhenan. If I do it now, you can die."

"I always end up in the right place at the right time," she smiled through the pain. "One day my luck was bound to kill me, wasn’t it?" Solas hesitated, as though battling himself. 

"Is it you who’s distorting time?" she asked. 

"No," his voice became muffled. "It is the magic of spirits. They gave us this moment so that… we could say our goodbyes." 

"No matter how kind their intentions, and if this truly is our last chance…" her voice scorched the space like a blade. Despite the pressure around her, Lavellan forced herself to her feet and, moving through the whirling currents of time as if through thick fog, approached Solas. She stepped between him and the rift, feeling as if a million needles pierced her back with a new, frightening, unfamiliar magic.

"We will do this together," she said, reaching out her hand and touching his palm that gripped the dagger. "Take my magic. All of it, to the last drop. If this is a farewell, and if it will kill me, then you must know… I have never had a better life than the time I spent with you."

She reached for his lips, joining them in a kiss filled with tenderness and despair. Suddenly, Lavellan sensed someone’s presence nearby. She broke off the kiss and saw a small spirit appearing beside them, slowly taking on a shape resembling a human body.  "Save everyone you can," Solas said, granting hope where none remained. The final command was received, and the spirit dissipated. Lavellan felt Solas’s hand tense. He made a decisive pull, the dagger driving deeper into the veil, tearing it apart. Reality shattered into countless fragments, and everything around them went dark.

Thank you for feeling this with me xoxo

[pinacoladamatata]

All Solas knows how to do is edge 🙄

[inquisitor-julia]

Me: ok I have to respect Wren's character and she simply would not leave the world behind like that-

The visions, plaguing me:

[taamlok]

sleeping it off did not make me feel any better. i'm genuinely so angry at solas. after what he did to muireann i'm glad he's a miserable bastard and i'm not letting him take caris lavellan down with him. cole my sweet boy you were wrong about him, he's cruel and feeling bad about it doesn't make it less so

[jackals-ships]

"What is the old Dalish curse? May the Dread Wolf take you?"

taglist; @one-winged-dreams @hoppinkiss @sunstar-of-the-north @derelictdumbass @dearhartselfships @multyshipping @seahydra

[daisychainsandbowties]

i finally got to pick up veilguard today! abused the customisation screen to create a boyfriend (i have not decided for whom yet) so narrow and lanky you can wapwapwap him like a metal sheet

[zahra-hydris]

so I fully went into the final solas talk in trespasser intending daewen to rage.

she's been a perfect picture of rage throughout trespasser: at the council, at the qunari, at her hand, at everything.

but then the sad response to solas' line "what is the old dalish saying? 'may the dread wolf take you'?" just called to me and... it just felt right.

she was absolutely furious going in. she intended to rage at him. to scream at him for lying to her, for manipulating her, for leaving her.

but then she sees him. and he speaks to her with such sorrow in his voice. he calls her 'vhenan'. still. and her hand flares and the pain and the joy at seeing him strip the rage away and she's just so tired that she can't bring it back.

and what's left underneath that rage is sorrow.

she's been searching for him and trying to let him go for two years. he's completely up-ended her belief system. but at the same time, he was her stability. everything she went through completely disrupted her sense of self, and he made her feel stable. and then he was gone! and he still is gone. she knows that, even upon finding him again.

so he says that line, and all she can muster up is a sad, slightly bitter 'and so he did.'

[fenharel-apologist94]

me, gritting my teeth as I once again open Dragon Age: The Veilguard™️'s cursed character designer: it's for the fucking research

[gxos]

when im done melting down over finals would anyone be interested if i cleaned up some of the solavellan stuff ive been working on. twirls hair around my finger

[deimcs]

Please help me decide while I try to distract myself from the slowness of my steam’s download speed.

Keeping in mind that she vowed to stop him at all costs and that she’s furious and not a nice person:

[nueska]

i wish veilguard was more gritty and let the factions and orgs be corrupted and morally ambigious or even evil it all feels to clean cut

[extravagantliar]

Kirkwall has tunnels out of the city, west and northbound - canonically. So knowing what we know, I would hang my hat on that Varric and Aveline reenforced those outpoints that she eventually used.

[galavantinggiant]

I do love the endings we got and how they reflect on Solas's nature as a spirit, but part of me still wishes there was an ending where the veil came down. I'm so intrigued by what a world like that would look like.

Or at the very least a look at the empire of the Elvhen before the veil.