#So unfortunately vague answers from Randy

[loupy-mongoose]

(Darn thing wouldn't sideblog, so here's my first in-char in ages.) Um, hello! I haven't really posted or anything in...longer than I like to think about, heh. But I lurk around and I happened across you three and it struck me to wonder if Lavender will get much bigger? She's about eight, isn't she? I hit my first big growth around then. Tripped over everything for a long few months.

Hope you're having a nice season of 'dear mercy everything is pink,' otherwise! ^^;

Well thank you for the visit and well-wishes! Actually, come to think of it... Lav hasn't noticeably grown, recently... I'll have to take some measurements and compare them to my notes from previous years. Her ninth birthday is in May--That may offer some interesting results...

...I have no reference to how Mewtwos are supposed to develop, which is frustrating. The only other known one out there has scant info, that I've found, at least. But one record I did manage to see mentioned a being over six feet tall. If that's Lav's full potential, surely she would be taller by now...

Perhaps she still has some growing to do, but... it's hard to tell. For all we know, she's already at her max size...

...Oh, I, uh... kinda rambled there, didn't I? Sorry...

[llendrinall]

Imagine. 1/2 The war has ended & the Wizengamot are currently holding court & reviewing Dumbledore's memories that he saved. In the span of months they find many containing Death Eater spy Severus Snape, & Ministry spy Percy Weasley. With one dead & the other Missing the British wizarding world is thrown upside down as they review the Memories & realise just how much Percy Weasley was a Mastermind Schemer in saving the lives of many Muggle Borns, Goblins, Half-Blood's and Blood Traitors.

2/2 The Wizarding world are looking for where war hero Percy Weasley is. Especially his family (In this story Percy saves Fred's life & then vanishes). They see that Percy Weasley had worked as an informant during his entire Ministry career, also being the one who thought out Dumbledore's death (Shocking the courthouse) "You're already dying Albus, why not have Severus strengthen his position with the Death Eaters by being your killer?" 'He used every situation to his advantage to end the war'

Ah, the reveal of the wronged hero, what a simple and satisfying trope. It gives us angst, the bitter taste of not being appreciated mixed with the sweet sauce of late recognition and regret.  

But Percy doesn’t care about that or any other tropes because he is exhausted. Winning a war is a tiring job and he was being doing more than winning. So as soon as Voldemort keels over and dies, Percy checks that his family is alive (they all are, good job there, Percival) and he makes himself a portkey and goes away.

One wizard can’t make a portkey, you say? It takes at least four? Barty Crouch Jr had to imperius three other wizards to enchant the Goblet of Fire? And portkeys don’t work in Hogwarts under normal circumstances? Well, these are not normal circumstances, there was a battle and Percy has a lot of practice making portkeys, all right? A lot.

(There are less than twenty goblins in Britain right now and it is all Percy’s doing).

He goes to East Asia because Percy is vaguely aware that a single white man in need of enlightenment and self-discovery should go climb a mountain on Asia. Percy doesn’t climb any mountains, though, because he can never do things as he is supposed to. There must always be a twist. In this case, he gets food poisoning twice and spends over a month trying to learn how to play a plucked string instrument. He is harassed by a flock of geese and meets a talking dragon. He fails to realize that there are no accounts of talking dragons in history (at least the history badly learned and repeated in wizarding Britain). Dragons do not talk nor do they speak. Your brother works in a freaking dragon reserve, for Merlin’s sake, Percy. You should know this.

After that Percy goes to the Caribbean, because he feels that his stress-relief and self-discovery journey should also involve a stay in a tropical beach. He doesn’t particularly enjoy the experience because he is a red-head. Also, sand is annoying. He freckles all over, eats a lot of pork, learns to play the maracas, to the locals’ amusement, and leaves.

By the time Dumbledore’s memories are uncovered Percy has made his way to a Greek island. He dresses almost exclusively with a t-shirt tied around his waist like a loincloth and a pair of trainers. He also carries with him a bag made from a t-shirt like some sort of wild instagrammer. He carries all kind of knick-knacks in his bag that he uses to create himself a house at night, as if transfiguring a nutshell into a bed were a normal thing, Percy, you utter maniac.

From time to time he goes to a wizarding community and offers to do some chores or magic in exchange of goods. If a goblin woman sees him, she will give Percy a loaf of bread. He has no idea why they do that but it’s very good bread, so Percy is happy to take it. One time Percy met a male goblin and he gave Percy some salt, that he still carries with him. It is possible that for the last seven months Percy had been eating goblin bread and whatever fresh produce the Greek witches offer him in exchange of doing chores.

It is at this time that the Puddlemere United goes to Greece to do some pre-season training.

(This is something that football teams around Europe do. Go somewhere outside the country to train for a month or two in different conditions. The Manchester United often goes to Malaga, in Spain, for a warm-weather training. I don’t even like football, I don’t know why I know this.)

When Oliver Wood sees Percy Weasley standing around in little more than a loincloth he naturally assumes that he is having a hallucination, a combination of the relentless training under the hot and punishing sun, the hours spent fighting the wind (they don’t know what it is with the wind there, but it will try to kick you off the broom. They are all coming out of this with iron abs) and the constant stories in The Prophet about yet another plot Percival Weasley had conducted, saving a dozen lives.

“Percy?” Oliver asks, sweaty and thirsty and half mad from training.

“Oh, hi, Oliver!” Percy answers, and then, because Percy is simultaneously the cleverest and dumbest wizard alive, “oh shit”.

*

Percy has not been reading the news. He refuses to. He is on vacation, he is still tired and he has a white hair on his temple. Just the one hair, but Percy is twenty-two and far too young for white hair.

Oliver nods. He gets it. He is still telling the Weasley family that he has seen Percy and that he is not dead at all, only slightly insane. But he will wait until he is back in England. Oliver doesn’t know if all the things in the paper are true, but even if Percy has only rescued one thousand five hundred goblins instead of the fifteen thousand the papers claim, he is still entitled to a nice quiet vacation in which clothes are optional.

Did Percy Weasley stop a goblin genocide in his free time? Does he not realize it? How dumb is this boy?

Come September the owls start to arrive. Letters from the Ministry, from the papers, from his family. Percy watches the owl fly around and doesn’t allow himself to be found. He does read Oliver’s letters and even answers explaining that no, his family is not heart-broken. They were heart-broken five years ago when Percy very publicly acted like an asshole. They got used to it, so there is no need for this new sentimentality now that Percy is on vacation.

Percy might be acting a bit like an asshole now, but he has very complicated and ugly feelings over his family and he would rather not think about them. Mostly, he is irked by the fact that they were so quick to follow Dumbledore’s lead. Perhaps because Percy never worked for Dumbledore, he worked with Dumbledore and had the distinct pleasure of pointing to his face, on multiple occasions, what a sly bastard he was. He has little respect for people who never confronted Dumbledore.

(So basically Percy only respects Aberforth Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall).

Also, Percy always did what he was supposed to: he washed his hands, minded his siblings, got good grades and he yet he was not the favourite son. This is all subconscious, of course, but he resents it.

Oliver keeps writing so Percy keeps writing back.

 “Did you actually side-apparate a family with twelve members?” writes Oliver.

“I have no idea.” Percy writes back. “Wait, do you mean the Johnsons? How are they?”

 “They are going to give you an Order of Merlin, 1st Class”.

“Surely they realise I don’t want one.”

“I think it is evident they realise nothing, Percy.”

 By October it’s getting cold and Percy finds that he doesn’t particularly care about wearing clothes, so he is getting ready to portkey himself to Argentina when Ginny arrives. She has such a driven and purposeful look around her that Percy assumes that she must be in the middle of a very important quest, so he hangs back and follows her as she treks all over the island and vanishes a thousand year old monster. It doesn’t occur to Percy that her quest is finding him and that the monster was merely an unfortunate bystander.

Eventually he reveals himself to Ginny because she is screaming incoherently at the sky and Percy thinks that she might be suffering hypoxia and dehydration. Ginny throws the water bottler at his head.

“I’m not the jerk here.” Percy says. “I needed a vacation and if you hadn’t seen those stupid memories you would have been fine with me being out of the country indefinitely.”

Ginny hexes him seven times, but afterwards she lies on the beach next to Percy and they look at the clouds. They spend a week together, nicely quiet and wild. They go for walks, play on the beach, make a house at night out of random transfigured things (Percy doesn’t notice Ginny’s look of utter bafflement and awe) and eat goblin bread (this time Percy does notice the look but assumes it’s because Ginny loves the taste).

Percy refuses to go back with her but he promises Ginny that he will be there for Christmas. Two days later he does go back to England, the bastard. His correspondence with Oliver has become… heated, to put it some way, and waiting a week for the owl to arrive is intolerable.  

Percy thinks this might be some sort of penance. It’s nippy in England and he can’t be dressed in a t-shirt/loincloth anymore. There is a flock of owls permanently following him, trying to deliver their messages from the Ministry and the papers and maybe, even now, from his family. Worst of all, Oliver writes him all kind of randy letters but refuses to shag Percy, even though he is right there, because of sports. Something about turning frustration into spectacular athletic performance, Percy doesn’t know. He is so frustrated that he goes and stops a plan to assassinate Potter all by himself.

On Christmas Eve Percy goes home and he is yelled at, cursed at, cried at and loved, very loved, it’s embarrassing. He is rescued from the madness by Potter who easily admits he has been fuelling the newspapers infatuation with Percy because that way they left him slightly in peace.

(And on Boxing Day he moves in with Oliver).

[dweemeister]

Toy Story 4 (2019)

2019 marks the completion of the John Lasseter era at Pixar and Walt Disney Animation Studios with Toy Story 4 (credited as story writer; uncredited as producer) and Frozen 2 (as producer). Lasseter’s disgraceful end as the creative head at both studios was marked by scandal, in which the Walt Disney Company cut ties as quietly as possible. At one point untouchable because of Pixar’s creative output – not a single dud from Toy Story (1995) to Toy Story 3 (2010) – Lasseter’s recent years had reeked of complacency, dependence on sequels, and having played a part in erasing the final vestiges of hand-drawn animation at the famed Walt Disney Animation Studios. Pixar’s impeccable record is no more; the groundbreaking studio is fallible after all. With Lasseter now at Skydance Animation (to the dismay of many), his final involvement with a Pixar film continues the legacy of arguably the most consistent animated film series ever.

Directed by Josh Cooley and with a screenplay by Stephany Folsom (her cinematic debut) and Andrew Stanton (1998′s A Bug’s Life, 2008′s WALL-E), Toy Story 4 had languished in development hell for years. An army of writers have doctored the story since 2014, so it is difficult to understand who contributed what. For those who were children when Toy Story and Toy Story 2 (1999) were released to theaters, Toy Story 3 appeared to be the fitting farewell to Woody, Buzz Lightyear, and their friends. Pixar, which has claimed that it does not pursue sequels unless there is artistic and narrative sense to that sequel – they have some explaining to do about the Cars sequels – has charged forward with this newest entry in the Toy Story mythos.

Now with Bonnie, the cast of toys must contend with the fact she is about to attend Kindergarten. Worried that Bonnie will have a difficult day of Kindergarten orientation and the fact that – though he would never openly admit it – Bonnie has not given him much attention recently, Woody hops into Bonnie’s backpack and has a hand in the creation of Forky. Forky, believing himself to be trash, makes numerous attempts to toss himself into the wastebasket, much to Woody’s dismay. As Bonnie’s family embarks on a vacation, Woody and the gang must prevent Forky (whose scenes are frequent and comedically overcooked) from disposing himself. While at a mountainous town, numerous situations will introduce the likes of other toys including Gabby Gabby (a ‘60s-era doll who longs to be loved by a child); the miniscule Giggle McDimples; prize toys Ducky and Bunny; motorcycling daredevil Duke Caboom; and Woody’s old flame, Bo Peep.

Without detailing the film’s conclusion and, as someone who rewatched my VHS of Toy Story and DVD of Toy Story 2 ad nauseam as a child, Toy Story 4 does not feel as strong a conclusion as its immediate predecessor. Yet Toy Story 4 deepens the series’ existential themes and characterization of Woody – its moral center after extinguishing his homicidal feelings towards Buzz in the original – at the unfortunate expense of almost the entirety of the cast of toys. Nevertheless, Woody’s character growth has been tremendous to behold. His steadfast loyalty – so often a source of adoration from moviegoers – is called into question here. His unwritten sheriff’s code to be of service, embodied by Jimmy Stewarts or Gary Coopers in decades’ past, clashes with the “lost toys” without children to call their own. The misadventures and toy-sized heists characteristic of Toy Story are derailed by unfortunate timing and increasing stakes. No wonder the frustration towards Woody – among the characters and the audience – is so palpable.

The fragmentation of the plot and physical separation of its characters creates a handful of storylines that, with the film’s sharp editing, are comprehensible. Toy Story 4, when analyzed through its editing (and even when excluding flashbacks and fantasies) and writing structure, is the least linear of the Toy Story films. Characters are not so much reacting to a singular event as they are personifying or espousing the film’s themes. One’s ability to tolerate this structure will be tested, but screenwriters Folsom and Stanton are content to not devolve into lengthy expositions or soliloquies that too explicitly outline their intended subtext. Gabby Gabby’s apparent and ultimate fates will elicit instant, strong reactions that might just be universal. Woody’s final decisions in the film’s closing minutes will be viewed through the prism of life experience. Many of the questions Toy Story 4 presents once Forky has been introduced have been central to the series, with variations with each passing installment. What does it mean to realize one’s obsolescence? How does one come to terms – if at all – with that realization? When does a lifelong dream transform into obsession? Folsom and Stanton are not interested in whether there is a “correct” way for a toy to exist – note that every toy in this film defines their existence in bringing joy to a child, even those toys have been lucky enough to do so.

After years of late Lasseter-era twist villains and films with so little nuance in trumpeting their vaguely liberal inclusive messages, this is a refreshing change of pace. Whatever answers viewers find will not arrive easily and will change with time. The most worthwhile art tends to be as such.

Toy Story 4′s characters are stand-ins for human relationships with a coat of comedic paint to make the most difficult moments bearable for everyone. To ask so bluntly the nature of meaningful existence might be dismissed in a live-action film as maudlin, manipulative (film is always manipulative; the effectiveness and appropriateness of such manipulation is not beyond criticism). Inside Out (2015) and Coco (2017) are the best recent examples of this from Pixar’s filmography of how animation lowers these barriers to posing such ideas. The studio’s success is not because they created imaginative worlds filled with talking toys, rodents that can cook, or a post-apocalyptic humanity too dependent on technology. Nor is it the storytelling the studio justly prides itself upon. It is because of the raw ideas found within their films, when the excesses of plots are discarded.

The production design by Bob Pauley (1993′s The Nightmare Before Christmas, all three previous Toy Story films) – in addition to the ever-increasing photorealism of Pixar’s backgrounds and character animation – is superb. Pauley juxtaposes the dusty, earthy antiques store that the film spends much of its runtime with the neon-lit carnival beaming its lights into the night sky. More than the previous Toy Story films, this edition allows the use of colors to help guide the dominant moods in respective scenes. The darker, subdued antiques store scenes lend a feeling that something or some secret lurks around the next cobwebbed corner – evoking claustrophobic spaces, ideological and personal entrapment (the placement of “Midnight, the Stars and You”, which is most famous for its use in 1980′s The Shining, plays a key contribution). The carnival/fair has occasionally been a source of macabre elements or thematic irony in Western cinema; it is a tradition that at least goes as far back to 1920′s The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (more recently, and though not a film, the third season of Stranger Things contributes to that tradition). The summer carnival of Toy Story 4 is more liberating than most, leaning into whatever escapist nostalgia the audience holds – of which Toy Story could be a part of. The fourth installment of this series is the most atmospheric; one wishes that the filmmakers could have slowed down a tad to allow a fuller appreciation of the various settings.

Pickier than most film score composers, Randy Newman (1984′s The Natural, 2009′s The Princess and the Frog) nevertheless has become a staple with Pixar and has created, single-handedly, Toy Story’s musical identity. Recorded, in typical Randy Newman, with an enormous orchestra of Los Angeles-area musicians at the 20th Century Fox studio named to honor his uncles (Emil, Lionel, and especially Alfred were gifted composers contracted to Fox), Newman’s ability to integrate musical ideas he has not revisited for twenty or more years with newer motifs is most apparent in the film’s busiest scene. The cue that plays there is “Operation Pull Toy”, which utilizes character- and plot-driven motifs drawn and rearranged beautifully for this newest film. But standing above the rest is “Parting Gifts & New Horizons”, which plays during a fateful moment and a series of fond farewells. The Americana that Randy Newman incorporated through the series and was especially acclaimed for before working on the original Toy Story appears, without restraints, brass instruments backing, and high strings leading. Though not as distinguished as previous Toy Story scores, Newman knows when to pull the emotional strings with his sweeping melodies.

To digress slightly: in isolated parts of Newman’s score (the brief theme beginning at 4:04 of “Parting Gifts & New Horizons” included), I yearn for Newman scoring for an American Western film.

In the recording studio, Tom Hanks (as Woody) and Tim Allen (as Buzz Lightyear) admitted that neither could record their lines without being overwhelmed by emotion. Hanks claimed that he could not even face the crew as he neared his final moments of dialogue. Another member of the cast, Don Rickles (Mr. Potato Head), passed away in April 2017 – well before any voice actors began work on the film. Rickles’ family urged Pixar to see if a performance could be pieced together through archival recordings. Poring over almost a quarter-century of voice work from outtakes and recordings for promotional materials, Disney parks, and video games, a brief, but serviceable performance was spliced together by Pixar. Rickles is credited as Mr. Potato Head in the film and he, along with animator Adam Burke, is one of the film’s two dedicatees.

As a disappointing decade in mainstream American animation closes with sequels and the ignominious departure of a figure central to the industry, Pixar’s artistic future is uncertain. Pixar’s new chief creative officer is Pete Docter (2001′s Monsters, Inc. and Inside Out). Docter, who has been with Pixar since 1990, is not likely to fundamentally transform the studio’s mission – as outlined by Lasseter – or artistic direction. He is noted, however, for imbuing his films with his deep sense of morality. Combined with the fact that Pixar intends to move away from sequels in the immediate future, will the studio regain its form after an inconsistent decade? Toy Story 4 is, by way of its structure and overuse of Forky, the weakest in Pixar’s most venerable series. That standard, however, is comparing greatness with excellence.

My rating: 8/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here.

[ladylynse]

Whirlwind Timeline Post

Whirlwind: [FF | AO3] Jake should be used to ominous predictions by now. Randy should know better than to blindly follow McFist. Adrien should think twice before sneaking away. And Danny should’ve expected something like this when he got that phone call. (Secret Quartet crossover)

If you’re reading the fic and aren’t sure when things are taking place or if you need a quick summary before checking out the newest chapter, look below the cut for a short description of each scene.

*** Fic spoilers for all chapters ***

Chapter 1

Thursday, 4:36 PM  - Jake and Fu are at the Magus Bazaar, and Jake receives an ominous, if confusing, warning from Sara. Beware of the butterflies.

Friday, 11:27 AM - Randy, who had sneaked onto McFist’s private jet, finally lands, and he’s not in Norrisville any longer. He overhears Marci talking about New York and some show of Gabriel’s and realizes McFist might not actually be here to look into WND stuff.

1:03 PM - Adrien is trying to adjust to the time change in his hotel room until Plagg convinces him to sneak out. (He’s bored.)

2:19 PM - Over at Canal Street Electronics, some kid walks in to ask for directions to a cheese shop. Jake (who’s skipping school for dragon business) thinks it’s weird but doesn’t question it until Fu calls him and tells him not to let the kid leave, which promptly happens. Jake finds out Gramps recognized the boy’s ring as the Ring of the Black Cat, one of the Seven (known) Miraculous, which holds the power of destruction. Recognizing the Brooch of Metamorphosis as a butterfly, Sara’s warning starts to make sense, and Jake phones a friend.

2:32 PM - Plagg admits to telling Adrien to scram because he could smell magic in that little shop, a different sort of magic than his, and warns Adrien not to get mixed up in it. Hawk Moth isn’t the only one who knows the power of the Miraculous.

2:48 PM - After hearing from Jake, Danny heads to the Far Frozen and begged for stole acquired the Infi-Map.

3:12 PM - Jake fills in Danny.

Chapter 2

4:57 PM - Randy finally tracks down this show Marci was talking about, sneaks inside, and then winds up back outside when the screaming starts. It can’t be the Sorcerer turning people into monsters, so it must be the Sorceress, even if she’s switched up her tactics a bit. (Maybe she’s working with whoever got her out of the Land of Shadows?) He fights and defeats the Critic with some guy in a cat suit who calls himself Chat Noir. 

5:24 PM - Danny and Jake fly over the city, looking for trouble, and see someone dressed as a black cat chasing herding a butterfly. 

5:31 PM - Adrien gets grabbed by some invisible force, loses his baton, the akuma gets away, and after a breathless flight, he gets dropped toward open water.

Chapters 3 - 5

5:32 PM - Jake sees a white butterfly escaping his flames and then gets distracted by some kid in a ninja suit yelling at him from the next building over. Turns out the Ninja is friends with cat boy, Chat Noir, and he agrees to lead Jake back to the scene of the fight, telling the Am Drag what he thinks went down. 

5:33 PM - Since mermaids may or may not be real and may or may not have magic of their own, Danny risks catching cat boy. Partway back to shore, Danny puts cat boy on ice and transports him to some commercial-looking rooftop, only for his ice prison to explode into a million pieces. When Chat Noir doesn’t destroy the entire building or, well, attack Danny with his destructive power, and when Danny sees him as an ordinary boy with some kind of black cat thing before he transforms again and begins to escape, Danny wonders if they got something wrong. Chat Noir isn’t in the mood to talk and manages to get away.

5:47 PM - The Am Drag apparently recognizes the place where this fashion show is being held, and after giving Randy some earpiece thing to keep in touch, he takes off. To ‘talk to someone’. 

5:53 PM - Knowing that his mother is catering for the fashion show, Jake tries to warn her about the danger she (and everyone else) could be in. It doesn’t go smoothly. (Things would have been so much better if she had a cell phone she’d answer during work hours.)

6:07 PM - Randy isn’t sure who the Sorceress is going to target, but he does manage to use the Fenton Phone the Am Drag gave him to contact...someone. He isn’t sure who, just that the other person is going to figure out where he is and meet him there to help with what will invariably be a honkin’ big mess. A quick consultation with the Nomicon doesn’t clarify the situation (TO CLEANSE THE SOUL, ONE MUST FIRST CLEAR THE MIND), but he does come out of it in time to see the butterfly, overhear half of a weird conversation, and watch the transformation--and realize that maybe this isn’t the Sorceress like he’d been thinking.

6:14 PM - Adrien, dry now but still chilled, figures out the subway system and heads back to the show. Despite having time to mull things over, he has more questions than answers. 

6:16 PM - Jake heads back to the shop, fielding a couple phone calls from a worried Danny, and then arrives to find out just how bad the problem has gotten when he turns on the news.

6:24 PM - Hawk Moth finds someone new to akumatize into Dracona, allowing her to “unlock her own power” in exchange for gathering information on the heroes in town (and seizing Chat Noir’s Miraculous if he turns up again).

Chapter 5

6:35 PM - Adrien hears about a dragon and knows exactly what that means, so he leaves the subway system behind and starts heading back as the crow flies.

6:41 PM - Randy has been battling it out with a honkin’ dragon, and he’s exhausted. Thankfully, backup arrives in the form of Mr. Mysterious Voice from the Fenton Phone conversation. Unfortunately, the kid doesn’t seem all that impressive, and all he wants to do is talk. Randy’s not sure if he’s more surprised by that or the fact that the dragon let them run inside.

6:45 PM - Dracona lets the other heroes go and refuses to study them further, directly contradicting Hawk Moth’s orders. He tries to punish her...and finds he cannot. He unlocked her power, but he doesn’t control it, and she--somehow--cuts communication with him. Nooroo mentions blood magic and he realizes she must be more closely connected to what he’s really searching for than he could have hoped for.

Chapters 6 and 7

6:46 PM - Danny and Randy talk, frankly, exchanging information and identities. Neither is entirely sure why the dragon (Dracona) is allowing them to do this, but why look a gift horse in the mouth?

6:48 PM - Adrien makes it back, glimpsing the dragon before losing it entirely. He can’t see any sign of an akuma flying away--defeated or recalled--but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t missed it. Adrien eventually decides it’ll be marginally easier to find out what’s going on as Adrien than as Chat Noir and transforms back. Plagg warns him that there’s other magic involved--that dragons are real and here, and that Phantom is a ghost, not an akuma, and that the Ninja is also using at least one unrelated magical artifact. 

6:48 PM - Susan changes back to her human form, barely keeping it together. She can feel Hawk Moth’s hold on her and isn’t sure how long she can fight it.

6:54 PM - Jake arrives on the scene, planning to scout ahead before the rest of his family comes in. Trouble is, he doesn’t see any dragon. Aside from overhearing something about a sorcerer in some place called Norrisville, he doesn’t learn anything interesting on his own, and winds up relying on Randy to fill him in (after finding out that Danny snitched on his identity again).

6:59 PM - Adrien can’t find any sign of the dragon and keeps wandering about and looking, straying farther and farther from the main crowd. He eventually runs into someone he vaguely recognizes as with the catering company his father hired, and Plagg warns him not to follow her, as he’s certain she’s mixed up with the dragons. And then Phantom shows up, begging Adrien’s forgiveness and help, the latter of which Adrien grudgingly agrees to give. He receives a Fenton Phone for later use.

7:05 PM - Jake gets the unhappy confirmation from Randy that his mom is in fact the victim-turned-dragon and passes this news along to his family. Danny lets him know how it went with Chat Noir. 

Chapter 8

7:12 PM - Gabriel learns more about Susan Long, but it isn’t enough, and despite Nooroo’s reservations, he decides he’s not above using her family as leverage to get what he wants.

7:12 PM - Back in his hotel room, Adrien shares his fears with Plagg while the kwami gorges on cheese and manages to convince Adrien that he needs the help of the others as much as they need his.

7:16 PM - Rotwood isn’t having any luck dodging Trixie and Spud--until he manages to get the attention of a lovely couple who has very clearly been where he wants to go. Marci isn’t impressed about her husband running off to (try to) do Ninja research, as this is a vacation, but she lets him go, and McFist and Rotwood make their way back to the place of the dragon sighting, where Rotwood hopes to gather evidence of the magical world that won’t be easily refuted.

7:19 PM - Chat Noir interrupts a vital family argument between Jake and Haley, fills in the others (sans Danny, who’s still out searching for Susan since Adrien was supposed to call to meet up and decided to show up unannounced instead) and learns what they know, and, at Randy’s suggestion, asks that they call him Nino.

Chapter 9

7:29 PM - Rotwood and McFist are becoming fast friends and agree to help each other, Rotwood by aiding in ways to capture the Norrisville Ninja (and finding out more about the one that turned up in the NYC) and McFist by funding Rotwood’s efforts to prove that magical creatures exist.

7:30 PM - Susan finds it increasingly difficult to fight her akumatization.

7:31 PM - Now that Danny’s back, the boys and Haley can properly talk shop and come up with a plan--at least until they realize they won’t have time for a plan, especially now that they see McFist and Rotwood right there.

7:32 PM - Gabriel, realizing that Susan has become Dracona again, uses Adrien as an excuse to leave his meeting and promptly decides against checking on his son in favour of taunting Dracona.

Chapter 10

7:36 PM - Susan’s circled back, and the boys need a plan, so Adrien (still going by Nino) makes one: he and Randy will act as distractions, Danny will grab the necklace when he has a chance because he’s the most likely to keep it out of her hands, and Jake can find something to contain the akuma. Haley insists on helping, so she gets to distract Rotwood and McFist. As the others take off, Danny fills in Jake, who’d been busy on the phone trying to sort out everything else.

7:41 PM - Haley tracks down McFist and Rotwood. It goes swimmingly--until Rotwood recognizes her as Jake’s sister and McFist realizes she knows the Ninja.

7:41 PM - Susan doesn’t want this, but she’s bound by her agreement with Hawk Moth. She tries to fight it until Chat Noir crosses her path, and with that loophole gone, she decides if she can get his ring, maybe that success will distract Hawk Moth from Jake, and she starts to fight Adrien and Randy in earnest.

Chapter 11

7:43 PM - McFist bribes the girl (dragon, whatever) for more info on the NYC Ninja, and Haley agrees to show him (and Rotwood) where she met him. Rotwood and McFist eventually call her bluff (at least part of it) and Rotwood offers to keep quiet if she fills them in on what’s going on.

7:43 PM - Randy and Adrien are being excellent distractions, but they don’t fight together like a seasoned team does.

7:44 PM - Jake and Danny head to catch up to Randy and Adrien and try to hash out a few last minute things--until they run out of time. In the end, Dracona gets away with Adrien (and his Miraculous).

Chapter 12

7:46 PM - Gabriel is coerced into a rooftop meeting by Susan and grills Nooroo for anything else he should know about the heroes.

7:47 PM - Adrien talks to Dracona while in her clutches.

7:48 PM - Haley strikes a deal with Rotwood and McFist.

7:49 PM - Jake and Randy stop to take stock. Jake talks to Trixie--she and Spud are working on something to help--and Randy takes the opportunity to move ahead.

Chapter 13

7:50 PM - The quartet confronts Hawk Moth. It does not go as well as it might have.

7:53 PM - Haley is dubious about the plan that McFist and Rotwood propose but agrees to it.

7:53 PM - While Adrien chases down Hawk Moth and Randy helps Susan, Danny and Jake hunt down the akuma. Jake tries to incinerate it when they find it, but when that doesn’t work, Danny catches it.

Chapter 14

7:54 PM - Adrien doesn’t catch Hawk Moth but does have a talk with Plagg and ultimately decides to tell the others his real name.

7:58 PM - Haley makes a makeshift skating path with Ninja Cold Balls while McFist pays off the security guards and Rotwood starts making ‘wild claims’ about the magical world for McFist to promptly debunk, claiming it’s all nothing but a publicity stunt. This is made easier when a robotic dragon flies onto the scene, courtesy of Spud. Haley has a quick phone chat with Fu and Gramps and then touches base with Trixie.

7:59 PM - Susan cleans up with Randy’s help, healed thanks to his Ninja Art of Healing. Her memories are fuzzy but there. When Adrien returns, she recognizes him for who he is, and he tells Randy, who doesn’t think he should even be apologizing for keeping his identity a secret in the first place. As Jake and Danny return, Susan makes her own apologies. As they talk, they realize the akuma has already purified via dragon fire, so Danny releases it and Adrien bids it farewell.

Chapter 15

8:00 PM - Gabriel realizes he’s lost for now. Nathalie fills him in on the important things he’s ignored relating to the fashion show, and he goes to inform Adrien--only to realize that Adrien is not in his room, where he should be.

8:05 PM - Telling the others who he really is went over better than Adrien had expected, and he and Danny leave the others to head to the lobby.

8:07 PM - With some strategic overshadowing, Danny gets a couple copies of the hotel guest list. (It helps that Adrien went to talk to the concierge and was recognized.) Sun Park catches Danny in the act of thievery but doesn’t stop him and simply tells him to inform Jake that Nathalie Sancoeur is likely involved somehow. 

8:36 PM - Jake, Haley, and everyone else (minus Adrien) swap stories. Gramps agrees to support Jake when the Dragon Council comes to call, as does Susan, and Jake learns that they’re able to tell his father the family secret. Fu finds a potion for Haley to give McFist, and Randy finally gets a replacement phone.

8:40 PM - After being brought to his father by Nathalie and treated to a lecture, Adrien is finally back in his room, and that’s when he finds all the papers Danny left for him--including Danny’s warning not to trust Nathalie Sancoeur, with no accompanying explanation. (Plagg does a quick search of her rooms and turns up nothing suspect, so Adrien decides to keep an eye open but not panic until he gets more information, like why Danny wrote that in the first place.)

9:05 PM - After finalizing things with Rotwood, McFist heads back to his hotel room and is waylaid by Haley. She gives him the potion, and then the NYC Ninja, of all people, turns up and agrees to answer McFist’s questions in exchange for safe passage to Norrisville, as he claims to have important business to discuss with the Norrisville Ninja. McFist agrees, figuring he has nothing to lose, and Haley tells him he’s a good person.

9:31 PM - The Long family arrives home, and Jonathan finally learns the family secret--along with some of the truth of what happened today. Susan also suspects that she might still retain at least some of these dragon powers that were unlocked within her, though she doesn’t want to tell anyone until she’s certain.

[pseudinymous]

Respite

Even after ten years, Danny and the Ghostwriter are still not exactly getting along...

Big thanks to @thehobblefootalchemist, who gave me the prompt for this piece.

The Ghostwriter was just sitting down to continue writing the second book in a series of novels when an unholy crash shuddered the very foundations of his house.

He ignored it and put a few more pen strokes down. After all, this was Amity Park.

Unfortunately the crashing seemed to continue. The pen was placed carefully upon the table after one of the windows nearly shattered, only to be bumped off by yet another earth-shaking thump. It felt like living in the pits of a battlefield — usually ghost fights didn’t get this bad, did they? Not that he ever participated in them enough to know. He understood exactly how weak he was and pushing that wasn’t a rabbit hole he wanted to fall into.

He opened the front door to find one Daniel Fenton wasted on the concrete outside. The ghost he’d tangled with was already flying off into the mid-morning sky, its need for violence apparently satiated by beating Amity Park’s ghost boy senseless.

Writer crept out of his house. They weren’t on the best of terms, yet. “Are you all right?”

“Yes, I’m lying spread-eagle on the ground after a ghost mauled me. I’m fantastic.”

… Well, one thing was for sure. This Daniel Fenton certainly wasn’t an imposter.

He also didn’t seem particularly able to move — the man was staring up at the sky as if still quite dazed even though his speech didn’t slur, and Writer, in spite of himself, felt a mollusc of pity well up within his chest. “Do you want some help?”

Danny snorted his laughter and looked away. “As if I want help from you.”

The Ghostwriter looked around — there was no one else here. After a commotion like that most Amity Parkers would be hiding in their closets and trying their best not to be seen. At the very least, probably no one saw Danny get beaten into a pulp and then presumably lose grip on his ghost form. It might be better for everyone if his human form wasn’t found lying out to dry on the sidewalk sometime later.

“What are you doing?” Danny asked. Writer ignored the question and kept his pace up the driveway until he was standing over him, holding out a hand. “I said I don’t want your help.”

“Actually, you said ‘as if I want help from you’, which if you studied English a little harder in your school years, you would understand doesn’t quite literally mean as much as it implies. And in any case, I think we both realise your sister would have my head if I didn’t help you, and your head if you chose not to accept.”

Amity Park’s resident ghost boy glared at his equally miffed helper, but finally, with the air of someone expending great effort, reached up an arm. The Ghostwriter wasn’t sure, though, how much was actually great effort and how much was simple reluctance to be helped.

Danny was pulled to a standing position, but wobbled to the side just before Writer caught him.

“You might not want my help, but it’s fairly obvious you need it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” said Danny. He stumbled along as Writer guided him back down the driveway, up the stairs of the decking, and through the front door of the house. The front door of course was never opened — it was easier for the Ghostwriter to just haul the man in there intangibly, and considering Danny knew who he was and was himself quite used to intangible hijinks, it was the preferable method. “Thanks, I’ll be fine from here.”

The Ghostwriter let him go, and he collapsed in a heap on the lounge room floor.

“Mm. Yes. Fine, as you say.”

Danny glared, and had to be helped back up off the floor and hauled into the Spare Room.

There is a reason that the author, here, chose to use capital letters for the Spare Room. It wasn’t that the room itself was anything spectacular, no, but what was in the room was a different story entirely. Sure, it had a nice relaxing bed and a decent reading lamp, but one hardly needed any extra light with all of the strange glowing books, native Ghost Zone plants that were suspiciously potted and domesticated, and the downright off-putting ghostly fragments, smaller than the size of the tip of your nail, that seemed to go along with this. Danny got the most suspicious feeling that they were all somehow watching over the plants.

“Glad to see you drag Jazz into all of your creepy Ghost Zone shit,” Danny shot, even as the Ghostwriter carefully laid him down.

“I’m glad to see you’re willing to drag Jasmine into all of your dangerous ghost fights,” Writer shot back, glaring. “Mind explaining why you ended up on this side of town?”

“I don’t choose where the ghosts show up!” His voice was full of indignant rage from just having lost. “Anyway, that ghost wasted me! I tried to draw it away from here but it kept hooking me from behind!”

The Ghostwriter decided to leave that information where it was. “I assume you’d like some water?” he asked, skipping ahead.

Danny made a grunt that was taken as a vague form of acceptance. When the Ghostwriter returned with the glass, Danny took it without thanking him and almost threw three quarters of the liquid down his throat. The rest he splashed over his face. It was supposed to be a warm day today, Writer recalled.

“Where’s Jazz?”

“Shopping, I believe.”

“Good,” said Danny. Writer arched a brow. “Hey, you know what she’s like when she fusses.”

For the first time in their exchange the ghost cracked a genuinely amused smile. “Oh, I do. Now, mind if I leave you there and get back to my work?”

“I dunno, are these plants gonna eat me if you leave me alone in here?”

Writer shrugged. “No one’s died yet.”

“I feel so much safer,” said Danny, apparently unable to restrain his sarcastic tongue. The Ghostwriter ignored him, and left the room.

***

Writing this book was very much like attempting to restrain a lion. Difficult, messy, and if you were very unlucky it was dangerous — if only in terms of sanity. It also meant that breaks were frequent and frustration always imminent on the edge of the swimming pool that was his mind. The Ghostwriter sighed, put the pen down (this time it did not rattle its way onto the floor), closed his eyes, and tried to think.

“Those books are weirder than the plants.”

Writer’s head shot up — it seemed Danny’s exceedingly quick natural healing cycle had reinvigorated him enough to peel himself off that bed, and he seemed to be balancing rather well too for someone who’d just been so knocked around.

“They do tend to have minds of their own,” Writer agreed, quickly flipping closed his notebook, but trying to leave out just enough urgency that the other wouldn’t get curious enough to read it. “You seem to have recovered quite well.”

Danny just seemed to shrug oddly. “Yeah, I guess.”

“No ‘thank-you’?”

Silence. Obviously that was too much to ask. The Ghostwriter let out a heavy sigh and began tying all of his nice pens together with a rubber band. Danny had been more than just irritated when he found out just who Jazz was getting so friendly with, and when they’d eventually decided to go out with each other and live together, Danny had nearly exploded.

It had been a quiet explosion, of course. Precious few others knew Writer was a ghost, and anyone who didn’t know was under the keyboard’s spell; they simply didn’t notice the grey, glowing skin, the luminescent green eyes, the teeth. They could look at it all day and they would never be the wiser, for that was how his keyboard worked — he typed in a command, and reality changed to suit.

“I see you’re still upset with me.”

The direct query seemed to catch Danny off-guard. “I— but— you…” he stumbled, before collecting himself. “Dude, you’re a ghost. And you’re going out with my perfectly normal, perfectly human sister. It’s weird.”

“I’ll admit to it being unorthodox.” Writer found his arms crossing, and his muscles getting tight. Being questioned on his life — or perhaps post-life choices was one of his least favourite activities, and he’d already had enough teasing from Randy to last into the next century. “But that’s between Jasmine and I.”

“Sure it wasn’t just you?”

The words came out with just as much accusation as they implied. Danny had found himself taking a step forward, falling — out of habit — into an almost aggressive stance. Like a challenge. The Ghostwriter decided to play his game, and stared him right in the eyes.

“I never intended for any of this to happen the way it did, but I assure you the feeling was mutual. And with all of that amateur surveillance you did—“ Danny’s face twisted to abject horror. “—Yes, I do know about that, you should know by now that I hold the utmost respect for your sister. Is this how you would treat me if I were human?”

Danny grunted some noncommittal answer or another. The Ghostwriter’s frown grew as he stood from his chair, book and tied-up pens in hand.

“Mm. I see how it is, ghost boy.”

“Don’t call me that!”

Writer shrugged. “Well, I’ll admit to you not being a boy anymore, but you most certainly are — at least in part — a ghost. Perhaps you should use that knowledge to enhance your perspective.”

Oh yes. And there was the huff, the turn away — for an adult he certainly remained well within the throes of teenager-hood. The Ghostwriter found that the best strategy was simply to ignore him and continue going about his business. In this case, that involved carefully putting away his writing equipment in a draw and wandering over to the kitchen to make lunch. Jazz would be home soon. Danny ‘settled’ into a chair, face sour, arms crossed, and generally looking rather miserable.

“Since when do ghosts eat?” Danny shot, as Writer pulled some ingredients out of the cupboard.

“They don’t. Your sister however does, and since I don’t have any sort of job the least I can do is make some meals for her.”

“Mm. Okay.”

The Ghostwriter didn’t argue, because “Mm. Okay.” was probably the most positive response he’d gotten out of the half ghost all morning. He continued on with what he was doing: Sandwiches. Sandwiches were easy, and easy was important when your cooking skills were subpar at best and unable to be supplemented with a sense of taste.

“It’s weird watching a ghost look so domestic.”

Writer kept cutting up the carrot as he spoke. “No more strange than watching a human turn into a ghost and vice-versa, I assure you.”

“…Eh. I guess not.”

The sandwiches came together into little sets of four. There was chicken, lettuce, tomato, salad onion, and cucumber in there, with a bit of salt and pepper for good measure. Hard to mess that up, right? You just put equal amounts of each ingredient in except for the onion, which you went easy on. He could do Rules. He just couldn’t do anything that required taste testing to get right. At the end he had four sets; two went on one plate, two went on another.

“Eat.”

Danny looked up to the sandwiches as if they were about to attack him. Just… really? The Ghostwriter thought? This reaction still, even when he was obviously trying to be civil? He was willing to give having a neutral relationship with Jazz’s brother a go, but his stubborn demeanour made it all the more difficult. A slight of anger whipped around in his stomach, and he quelled it.

“It’s lunchtime and you’ve been mauled. Take it, or I’ll type on my keyboard that you did so whether you wanted to or not,” said the Ghostwriter, frown increasing with the seriousness of his expression.

Danny was still suspicious. “Is this forced care?”

“I understand what you’re like. And I also understand what Jasmine would be like if she found out I didn’t look after you properly after a ghost fight. So I suppose the answer to your question is yes.”

There was a ginger way he took the plate, before finally he cracked one of the first smiles Writer had ever seen on him. There was even a genuine laugh. Writer found one of his eyebrows cocked, unable not to show the scepticism he was feeling.

“No, just—“ Danny stuttered. “I mean, I guess Jazz would lecture you endlessly about needing to nurse me back to health, or something.” He took a bite, screwing up his brow as he did, though not telling the Ghostwriter why. “As if I need nursing when I can heal like this.

“Nursing present or not, you still need energy from something,” said Writer, turning on his heel and returning to the kitchen counter. “Human bodies are unforgiving, that way.”

Danny paused halfway through a mouthful, thought about this, and swallowed. “How do ghosts get more energy, anyway? I mean, it’s gotta come from somewhere, right? Or doesn’t anyone know?”

The Ghostwriter had picked up the knife to go and wash it, but slowly put it back down as his curiosity about this question piqued. “We absorb ambient ectoplasm from the air. Obviously it’s not so plentiful in the Real World, but that’s one of the reasons I revisit the Ghost Zone every so often. Doesn’t your ghost half require some similar type of nutrition?”

A shrug. “… Not really, I just eat and sleep, then I’m fine.”

Writer found himself frowning. “Isn’t that curious?”

“Is it really?”

“Mm. It’s just another impossibility about you, really.”

In the absence of any further comment he went back to dealing with the dishes — much as he disliked them he didn’t really want to leave them all to Jazz, not when she’d had such a busy week and this was her only day off.

“I gotta get out of here before Jazz gets back,” said Danny, suddenly, having finished the sandwich. In a surprising gesture of politeness he brought the empty plate to the kitchen and placed it neatly by the sink. “She’ll start, y’know… fussing.”

The ghost gave a sagely nod in reply. “If being coddled after injury isn’t your thing, then I can’t imagine this will be a fun place for you very soon.”

The Ghostwriter washed the plate as Danny gathered his things together. And if Writer hadn’t been listening for them, the words would have been so quiet that he’d have missed them: “Hey… thanks,” said Danny, as he slipped out the door.

After a few seconds of it sinking into his mind, the Ghostwriter laughed. It was in a way that was perhaps a little self-satisfied. And then he drained the water and sat in wait for The Great Fusser of Things to arrive home.

[katalytic]

Raw or Smackdown?

See, if I was not sleep-deprived, this would be an easy answer, and we could go on with our lives after I replied with one or the other. BUT since I got like… two? three? hours of sleep, and I tend to ramble when tired, I’m going to reply to this with A Very Long Post about my (very jumbled) thoughts on each show. Click on the “Read More” to, uh, read more (unless you’re on the mobile app – whoops).

Raw:

Since the brand split, Raw has had this issue where they either pull the trigger on a story line too early OR they let a story line limp to its sad conclusion, thereby ensuring no one gives a fuck by the end of it. However, in the past few weeks (since WWE has been “on the road to Wrestlemania”), they’ve gotten better at letting stories breathe while still adding a couple of new wrinkles to keep things fresh.

Please let this be the start of a trend and not something that stops as soon as Wrestlemania ends.

The Universal Title looks deadass like Lord Zedd from “Power Rangers” after a bedazzling accident.

Raw has my very favorite wrestler, Sami Zayn. Unfortunately, being a Sami Zayn fan right now feels like what it felt like being a Chicago Cubs fan in 2014 – you knew good things were around the corner, but can we see at least two wins strung together? Why Must I Suffer Like This?

Raw also has my other favorite wrestler, Bayley… whose character has suffered since joining the main roster, in my opinion. However, if WWE pulls off the Sasha Banks heel turn and shows how Sasha has slowly been manipulating Bayley this entire time, all will be forgiven.

Sasha Banks returning from her injury and decking Dana Brooke in the face was what cemented my wrestling fandom.

Can we talk about the women’s division, though? Because there are literally only four women they’re using in the division on Raw right now: Charlotte, Sasha Banks, Bayley, and Nia Jax.

Alicia Fox is busy having messy relations with Noam Dar.

Emma became Emmalina for a hot minute before she was “lol nah” and disappeared back into her cocoon or whatever.

Dana Brooke is JUST NOW getting out from under Charlotte’s thumb. This is a story line that should’ve been done ages ago.

Paige’s neck is, like, dead or something.

There are probably other women I’m forgetting because I haven’t seen them, like, ever.

Like, why? Why just these four?

Also, Nia Jax seems like a lovely person in real life, and I dig her in-ring character. But she does entire promos through her nose, and her theme makes me go “(dismissive wanking motion)” every time I hear it.

The first time I ever knew what a Seth Rollins was, he was returning from injury and then screaming at the crowd for cheering him. Iconic.

That’s probably why I didn’t really buy into his whole “yes I am a babyface now” act until he did his in-ring interview about his new knee injury. He just seemed like a snotty brat acting out because Mom and Dad had a new baby to dote on up until that point.

The whole Kevin Owens/Chris Jericho friendship thing went on for way too long but the Festival of Friendship was worth all of it.

Chris Jericho… what a goddamn delight he was this year. I’m going to be sad when he leaves to tour with Fozzy after Wrestlemania.

I’m glad Kevin Owens is being Actually Evil again.

I can’t believe it’s taken them this long to finally figure out Roman Reigns’ sweet spot as a character (tough as nails, dismissive of the old guard, doesn’t really give two shits about the crowd booing him because he knows what he’s about), but I’m glad I’m here to witness it. Now don’t fuck this up.

Because oh lawd before this Roman Reigns’ characterization was… A Mess. The less said about his reign as United States Champion, the better. Let’s all just… agree to forget this happened?

(I still want him to admit that he misses The Shield and that’s why he keeps everything vaguely Shield-like AND why he was so quick to be friends with Seth again.)

The tag team division is another mess. The New Day seem like they’re finally back on track in new IDGAF personas now that they don’t have the weight of the longest championship reign in tag team division history!!11! holding them down. But everyone else? Yikes.

Except, weirdly, Sheamus, who is actually pretty fun now.

Enzo Amore and Big Cass probably suffered the most out of everyone in the tag team division while The New Day were busy making history. (The whole storyline with Rusev and Lana? Let’s never speak of it again.) I used to look forward to them, but now, their music hits, and I stare off into an invisible camera like I’m on “The Office.”

Listen. I appreciate what Stephanie McMahon has done behind the scenes, and I get that her character on “Raw” is supposed to be an asshole. I understand. But I still want someone to hit her with a chair.

Triple H looks like he needs to take a dump. Like, all the time. He has permanent dumpface.

Come back to me, Finn Balor.

SmackDown:

SmackDown, to me, has been the more coherent and consistent of the two brands since the brand split. I think that the one thing that people were touting as its detriment at the start of the brand split – the smaller roster – actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Less characters means less working parts you have to shuffle around for stories to work.

Of course, the smaller roster means that you had the same four dudes vying for championships at the start of the brand split, but to the writers’ credit, they’ve been expanding that pool a bit.

The Randy Orton/Bray Wyatt story line. I mean, fucking hell. Did anyone expect it to be, like, good? Who knew Orton getting his head split open like an overripe melon during SummerSlam would lead to this? Shout out to everyone involved for being completely invested in it and taking even the most ridiculous parts of the story deadly seriously, because any sort of wink and nod to the audience would ruin it.

The Miz is the greatest heel on either brand, and it’s not even close. He even got me to feel sorry for Dolph Ziggler for a minute, there. Genius.

I know a lot of people still don’t like John Cena, and after watching older episodes of Raw and SmackDown on WWE Network, I can understand why. But the Meta Cena of this past year is the best version of John Cena possibly ever. 

Also, Nikki Bella coming out to save Cena three weeks in a row makes my heart flutter. LOVE IS REAL.

The women’s division needs more women, but at least they’re using everyone in the division.

I would vote Alexa Bliss as WWE Rookie of the Year if there was such an award. (Is there such an award?) Yeah, she’s still green in the ring, but her character work has been fantastic to watch. A sneaky-good NXT callup.

The tag team division is a mess on this show, as well. American Alpha won the titles and then went a month without having to defend them. That’s how much of an afterthought the division has been.

Hopefully, the Usos winning the titles last night will help. Their heel turn has been one of the few bright spots in the entire division this year, so I’m hoping that’ll help elevate things.

Dean Ambrose growing a beard was a significant highlight for WWE this year, as far as I’m concerned. Now he doesn’t look like a baby with a combover anymore.

AJ Styles is probably one of my favorite characters in WWE right now. He’s like the Cool Old Guy crossed with the Only Sane Man who’s also Wrong Genre Savvy. Like, he’s the one dude on this show who sees it as an actual athletic competition and cannot comprehend the chicanery that surrounds him.

Take him calling out Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon for giving Randy Orton a match against him to be in the main event at Wrestlemania. Yes, on LITERALLY ANY OTHER SHOW, he would be completely right about how COMMITTING ARSON should not somehow grant Randy Orton a chance to be anywhere else other than jail. But he doesn’t realize he’s on a TV show about a wrestling show. Like, you shared a locker room with a an undead zombie wrestler AND a mystical cult leader, both of whom can teleport, my guy. That’s fine, but arson – ARSON is where you draw the line. Okay, buddy.

And then, when he sort of figures out that, hey, the rules of the outside world don’t matter on this show, he manages to break the ONE RULE he shouldn’t have: attacking a McMahon. And he still gets kind of rewarded for it (if you think having to carry Shane McMahon through a match where he is guaranteed to attempt to destroy himself at least once is a reward – which, honestly, it is, in WWE-land).

After all this, you’re probably wondering “So… Raw or SmackDown?” tl;dr: Raw has more of my favorite wrestlers, but SmackDown has the story lines I’m more invested in.