#So often people blame the victim of abuse in school. I need to to know there's a paint bucket thick amount of digust for you coming from me

[jaythelay]

The thing is, why would you want to be a Teacher?

Lemme put it to you this way, ya go to college to learn to teach kids and think it's gonna be a good time. Turns out the pay is dogshit and the working conditions unmanageable. The fuckin janitor makes more than you with more time off.

That is just a recipe for hiring and creating abusers. If mcdonald's was a daycare, they'd pay more Knowing it'd keep abusers and riff raff away and increase chances of a good candidate. Y'know, to be around children without parental supervision for hours n hours? Might be worth being strict with who you hire?

My solution is fire all teachers, raise pay, lower classroom sizes, more time off for student and teacher alike, take a year to close schools to rehire. Then we gotta work on that silly ol' "Children are being shot dead in school" problem. Y'know, if that ever becomes important to america.

As is, if ya raise pay ya just gave a bonus to the job that enables, creates, and rewards abuse, filled with established abusers. They will not give up their job benefit of being able to excert too much control over children just because conditions and pay are better, it's apart of the job to abuse children and they will continue to no matter what. Fire em.

As far as how kids are behaving today compared to my time, which was dreadfully peaceful and thus easier for staff to abuse children, I imagine it has to do with dogshit staff and dogshit conditions and dogshit protection alongside dogshit education and while boomers scream about the sanctity of life (clumps of cells in other people's bodies) they're also ensuring even more escalatory school shootings to keep growing.

So you're forced to be somewhere filled with abusers, surrounded by enablers, and timmy's dad hit timmy a lil too hard and now he's got a gun in school. Yeah I'd not take anything seriously in school either, it's an absolute fucking joke, we made a place to force children into that is now a pachinko machine of "Who Dies? And How Horrifically?"

We just had a non-binary child murdered in school and governor and principal alike danced on their grave. Cmon. Tell me otherwise at this point that school isn't a pachinko "who dies?" filled with established abusers. When the government is helping a child be murdered, school no longer is safe for your child. Simple as.

Don't get me started on how we handled Covid, we just doomed a generation to not taking diseases seriously by forcing them back to public school practically in the middle of the pandemic. Fucking stupid shit. Oh and if your gram gram died of covid? Best bet a kid is gonna blame school if they manage a thought that far. I would. Absolutely I would. THE place for diesease to spread and ya forced children into it to spread back to their homes killing family. I'm speechless. But don't take it seriously folks! It's just the flu! Just send your kids into the disease machine to come home with it! This place isn't a fucking joke at all!

No your anecdotal "Cool Reddit Teacher" is not common, they are uncommon and usually in well running blue states. Not red states or dying blue states. If you're in a good school, congrats on the unicorn, just understand that unicorn ain't anything but a severe rarity I guarantee only you can relate to.

I kinda approve of how the youth are in school tbh. No room for a teacher to try and fuck with you because their life is more miserable than your child-self's own. Just saying, if ya want the respect of your students, be a better person?

Or accept the system is so fundamentally broken that the generation you're dealing with has already got more to deal with in their future than a doubling of your past. Your dumbass ain't the target in a school shooting 9/10 times. You're paid. They're wasting their time being in absolute danger.

Undeniably they're wasting their time, since anytime the topic of teaching 'how to write checks' is met with "but you'd sleep through it" Good point, cancel education folks, the teacher just said their job is frivilous and I say we listen to them this one time.

Clearly this topic was solely about checks and not the demonstrably broken system we have in place that doesn't prepare you for quite literally anything. Cool place to end a topic, cancel school because no one actually uses it, got ya. Smart. (This happens so often I'm convinced it's an open secret between teachers that they just want the power, since money or education clearly ain't apart of it)

Regardless, not everywhere teaches the same things and as a teacher that shouldn't have evaded your awareness, but it did, because it further helps normalize and enable how you treat people with no way to defend themselves. If education isn't important, then what is? Obviously, abuse. Otherwise you'd not make my point more abundant by doubling down your belief that kids are stupid and the problem (and thus are deservedly abuseable, just finishing your thought.)

Sincerely believe parents told their kids "Don't take any shit from teachers, they fucked with me and my friends all the time, fuck with them back." and ya'll gotta deal with it. Sucks if you're caught in the crossfire...but like...you chose the job that creates abusers and dead children? A place that enables bullying and eggs bullies to target specific kids? Not sure why you'd be upset at your own decision making- like you probably went to this school? Wait, you weren't targeted and had everyone supporting you? Oh that's why you have the wrong opinion about school, makes sense now.

Anyways fuck public school, teachers are barely more trustable than a cop. Kids are uppity because there's no point to being in a dangerous place that admits it has no purpose and given the conditions, only hires and retains abusers, in a system dying from R interference, they elect to blame the children, for the job they chose not to really fight for when it mattered politically.

Yeah nah, I'm still on the side of the little scared people who don't know enough about the world to recognize that their neurodivision causes an untold amount of rage in your fucking entire body to the point ya try getting them arrested and start stalking them to the point of them becoming a NEET, and these days, your ass is on "THE" list and my ass is laughing at it, thank ya for coming to this deliberately awful ted talk, believe children over teachers pls. There's little point not to given being a teacher or cop is less respectable than being a janitor tbh.

Also google Kids4Kash and see how fucking bad it got in my time. I have no sympathy for teachers today. Sucks, but ya'll ensured parents told their kids to stand up to you. Maybe next time find a better career than child abuser if ya can't handle it? Just a thought. :) Better, respectable career options is all. :) Try becoming a Veteranarian? :) Oh wait, too much empathy/sympathy required for that, guess ya gotta be homeless. oh well.

[sideprince]

In a recent post you said James probably kept his bullying of snape away from lily (pre SWM) (hence why lily probably isn’t taking snape’s complaints seriously) but during swm James seems to be actively trying to get Lilys attention through the violence/bullying, why do you think this situation was different for him? Presumably he kept it away from her because it doesn’t make him look great so then why would he switch up and be so blatant about his assholery in front of her? I never quite understood this tactic lmao

Tbh I think this is more about Rowling's flaw as a writer than anything that makes sense in canon. Especially given how much she romanticizes James without giving him any kind of real redemption, and how she talks about him and Sirius in interviews ie. that they're bad boys and "women will understand" what she means by this. James is also very blatantly based on Rowling's abusive first husband, as many people have pointed out.

I think people who don't understand the experience of abuse for a victim have a difficult time with seeing the ways Rowling's own experiences inform her writing, sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously (which isn't to make any assumptions about your own experiences by any means!). The reason someone becomes a victim of persistent abuse is because they have an emotional attachment to their abuser, otherwise they would have left after the first incident (strictly speaking of romantic relationships here, family abuse obviously has somewhat different dynamics). An abuser isn't all vicious all the time - there are also moments of affection and vulnerability, sometimes sincere, sometimes deliberately manipulative, sometimes both at the same time. A victim often sees their abuser as someone complex who needs empathy and who they just need to placate. Victims also often feel responsible for their own abuse, because abusers tend toa gaslight them. Each person's experience is different, but if you look at the clinical descriptions of abusive relationships, ie. the cycles of physical/emotional abuse followed by apologies and/or gifts/love bombing, gaslighting, and victim blaming, and look at them from the perspective of the person receiving the abuse, you can start to see how victims might make excuses for their abusers and minimize their ugly parts, focusing more on their attractive attributes. This is also often a necessarily coping mechanism for survival in this kind of relationship.

While Rowling unwittingly draws a parallel between school bullies and violent abusers with James' character (and after all, bullying is on the abuse spectrum), SWM memory would be an unlikely scenario even in a real life British boarding school bullying scenario. Although bullying victims at these schools get abused horribly, and although other students witness it and can even cheer it on, and teachers are sometimes even aware of it happening, the unusual thing about SWM is that it happens out in the open. Teachers at these schools may look the other way despite knowing there's bullying, but students know not to do it in front of staff, because the latter are still obliged to dole out punishment (and part of this culture is to not only separate the bullies from the victims but to teach bullies how to get away with it *gestures at the Houses of Parliament*).

So it seems very uncharacteristic for James, both as someone who displays abusive behavior (and is based on an abuser) and knows how to hide his abusive behavior, to attack another student so openly. We also know that on the occasions he was caught hexing other students in the halls (and presumably there were plenty of incidents he got away with too), he was disciplined. The fact that a detention is a slap on the wrist to a student who's had dozens of similar infractions already is a whole other post, but the point is that when this behavior is caught, it's punished. If hexing a student by enlarging their head in the halls is worthy of a detention, then what might waterboarding, hoisting, and pantsing another student warrant? Would a bully like James really risk getting caught by attacking another student so egregiously, and given the length of the incident, is it really possible that not one teacher saw the crowd from a window and went to investigate?

I think the point of James' actions in SWM was that Rowling needed a narrative tool. She needed to make Harry question his father, to drop a bit of exposition about Snape without revealing too much, and to set up the eventual reveal at the end of the series. I don't think Rowling did as much character development with James and Lily as we'd like to think (and they barely show up as it is), so I don't think she thought through whether James' assault of Snape and how it's done is in line with his character all that much. It served her needs as a writer and that was enough for her. It wasn't the first time she treated a character like this.

I also think that James is in some ways a struggle between Rowling's conscious and subconscious when it comes to her processed and unprocessed abuse experiences. At the risk of psychoanalzying someone who's a complete stranger (and also because I'm not a trained therapist), I think it's worth noting that abuse victims who have processed their trauma in healthy ways generally don't become avid spokespeople for bigotry, despite how vulnerably everyone is, as a rule, to being radicalized. People with unprocessed, active trauma do tend to be more vulnerable to it. James Potter, a character who's described as looking like Jorge Arantes (Rowling's abusive first husband), whose personality is described as entitled and who enacts casual violence on other students, sure seems like a projection of Rowling's abuser. She also began to write Harry Potter as both a personal form of escapism from that relationship, and a very real one in how she hid her manuscript from him and essentially leveraged its success into getting out of that marriage. At the same time she puts James on a pedestal, shows him as loving and heroic throughout the series, and has written a prequel story romanticizing him and Sirius.

Although Harry leaves SWM feeling rattled at what he witnesses his dad doing, and even acknowledges that he seemed to be as arrogant and awful as Snape had always said, he doesn't do much further thinking about it. He asks Sirius and Lupin about it, who don't deny any of it and excuse it as youthful foolishness, and Harry, who has experienced both abuse and bullying firsthand (and has connected this immediately with Snape's experience at his father's hand), accepts this easily and moves on, keeping his father on his pedestal. I can't help but think that this is a manifestation of Rowling's own issues, ie. the ability to identify abuse but also excuse it at her own expense long enough to end up in a bad and violent situation.

It's hard not to see the way she writes James as a projection of her own feelings as an abuse victim of "yeah I know he's awful and he doesn't treat me right but also I really want to fuck him." Especially given that she describes James as a "bad boy" and talks in interviews not only about finding his bad traits attractive, but assumes this is a universal perspective among women. Aside from SWM, the reader generally walks away from the HP books with a perception of James as a paternal, heroic figure, because that's what Rowling wants them to take away from his character; it's how she sees him. His abusive behaviors are a footnote specific to Snape's experience of him. Rowling literally creates an abuse victim and then gaslights him. Again, at the risk of psychoanalyzing a stranger, I have a hard time not seeing this as a blatant projection of her own experiences and the muddled, unprocessed trauma she has.

All in all I think James' behavior in SWM is out of character because Rowling's approach to his character was too complicated. He's not a three dimensional character but a storytelling vehicle who says and does things for sake of plot development, and sometimes that means his actions make no sense if you start to think about it.

[damnfandomproblems]

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First of all, like someone else said, the same logic and arguments you apply to ships also applies to violence in fiction. The two are kinda interchangeable. Murder, terrorism, torture, those kinds of things are wrong and hurt people in real life so I don't know why most antis are okay with it in fiction even when it happens to kids. If ships influence people then fictional violence will too. If it really worked like that, then the fact you're up in arms over ships but okay with violence is kinda worrying. If one is wrong, then both are wrong. If one doesn't work like that, then neither does the other.

Lastly, what people think romanticizes something is often subjective, and in my own experience, just writing about it makes them think you're condoning it. For example, before I joined Tumblr this year I used a different app where I often posted some of my writing. Including an old one I wrote in high school and reworked. The narrator suffered from depression and would often self-harm. The short passage I uploaded was her in the middle of attempting suicide. She self-harmed because she felt she needed to 'atone' for perceived slights. She attempted suicide because she wanted the pain to end and thought that was the only way it would. I based this writing on my own personal and my friends' experiences. I wasn't encouraging anything, I just wanted to work through things in hs and writing helped me. That work was taken down. It was my fault because it went against the rules of the group, but the reason the other person gave wasn't that it wasn't allowed by the rules, they called it "pro-self harm". They thought I wanted people to hurt themselves because my narrator had depression which caused her do do unhealthy things/think unhealthy thoughts, because that's how I feel sometimes.

I'm not saying everyone who writes this stuff is trying to work through trauma/pain in a healthy way. And they don't need to be a victim to write this stuff or write it for that purpose. Maybe they wrote it for fun or it's a fantasy kink, and there's nothing wrong with that. Maybe others will read it for the same reasons. But maybe a victim will read it and maybe it'll help them come to terms with what happened. And maybe you'll read the same thing but think it's glorifying something you hate.

Whether something glorifies a bad thing or not is often subjective. Just because you personally hate it doesn't mean it doesn't have a purpose or shouldn't exist.

And banning this stuff won't do anything. It will still be made, just in secret. It will still be posted, just on a hidden website. And the associated crimes irl won't decrease. Maybe they'll slightly go down, though I'd argue they'd most likely go up. Because if people are reading these things and hurting others cause of it, they already had those thoughts in their minds. If they're going after kids or abusing their partners after reading about it, then the fiction didn't create that desire out of nothing, it was just the final push they needed to do something they already wanted to do. And anything could be that final push, they could have seen someone else do it irl. In that case the fiction was a key that unlocked the door to a desire they kept hidden, not a paintbrush that painted an image of that desire on a blank canvas. Anything could be a key. Don't place more blame on fiction than on the criminal. That allows them to not have to take personal responsibility and you're ignoring the root of the problem, making it harder to protect people. Don't waste time and energy going after depictions of abuse instead of actual real life abusers.

Posting as a response to a previous ask.

[romanarose]

For the Longest Time: Chapter 9

William Miller x Fem!OC (Lorelei Giang)

Masterlist : Triple Frontier Masterlist :Playlist

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Summary: A happy gathering devolves.

Warnings: Domestic violence, homophobia, transphobia, fighting, physical violence, blood, pregnancy talk, choking, PIV sex, talk of OCD, meds, orgasm struggles, fingering, JUST LOTS OF ANGST OKAY

AN/ here we gooooooo

*****************

Will had Lorelei on her hands and knees, naked on his bed as he fucked into her, his hand splayed on her butt and thumb fucking into her asshole. He was rough like she liked it, but always careful with her, knowing her limits. Will was conscious not to hurt her or the baby. At 8 months this was about the only comfortable position left. Will had assured her time and time again that they didn’t have to have sex… but he said it one too many times, making the woman who used to never cry break down in tears thinking that meant he thought she was ugly. Lorelei was very emotional these days. And incredibly horny.

It was fairly often Will woke up in the middle of the night (or day, depending if they were napping. Lorelei still worked and occasionally had to stay late still) to the buzzzzzzzz of her vibrator as she lay in bed with him.

That’s how today started. Several people had called in, and Lorelei didn’t want to leave the hospital understaffed so she stayed overnight, with the stipulation that she got to leave early on Thursday. Laci and Santi wanted to gather everyone, probably something to do with the wedding plans, and although Laci assured her it was okay she missed this, Lorelei wanted to be there. Lorelei wondered if they were going to postpone the wedding while they figure out whatever their issues are.

Lorelei and Will were taking a nap the afternoon before everyone was getting together at their bar, but Lorelei woke up from a sex dream, needy as all hell. She looked over to her loving boyfriend, sleeping so soundly and could not bare to wake him. The gentle giant, all 6’2 of him, was curled up under a fluffy white blanket looking downright angelic. Lorelei absolutely adored this, being able to watch him sleep… He worked so hard, he deserved it. He did so much for his family. It was nice to watch him rest.

But right now she needed a dick inside her, so she grabbed a dildo and vibrator from her bedside drawer, avoiding the gun she still kept inside, and tried her best not to wake Will.

That did not work, and neither did the attempt at an orgasm with her giant belly in the way.

When she groans in frustration, she hears Will chuckle next to her, and she turns to see a shirtless Will smiling at her.

 Over the last 2 months, Will had become comfortable being shirtless around Lorelei, but she noticed he still avoided situations where his bare back was to her if he could help it. In respect, Lorelei turned away whenever it was unavoidable, and she never touched him there. Will had explained what happened, how his dad would whip him so badly he’d have to miss school, bedridden while his mom tended to his wounds. Talking about the beatings he endured were hard, but he spoke almost mechanically, relaying the details. What was hard for him, where he choked up, was talking about his mom. Will loved him mom, he never blamed her outwardly… but there was a layer of betrayal in his voice at the idea that she never took him and Ben away, that Will was left to be the sole protector of his brother he was only 2 years older than. His mom was a victim of his dads abuse too, and with therapy he understands why she couldn’t leave… but that doesn’t change the scared boy inside him wondering why he wasn’t enough for his mom to protect.

Lorelei sighed, dropping her arms to the bed with the vibrator rumbling against the mattress and a dildo sticking out of her cunt.

“Is this funny to you?”

He chuckles. “A little bit.”

“You're laughing.” Lore pouts dramatically. “I can’t get off with two sex toys and you’re laughing?”

“I’m laughing,” William begins caressing her brown skin, trailing fingers over her swelling breasts and over her large stomach. “Because you can’t go more than a few hours without needing to get filled.” His voice dropped low, reaching for the dildo and sliding it backside. Lorelei moaned, her head dropping back as he slowly fucked her with it.

“Fuck, William…” Lorelei sucks in a deep breath, letting Will take over for her. Before, if she wanted to cum constantly she usually had to take matters into her own hands, but with Will, Lore could just allow him to handle it. Usually, Lorelei preferred to be on top, she liked control in one way or another and Will had been happy to give it to her, still keeping his bits of control in ways like guiding her hips rocking over him. Sex with William was akin to a dance, both of them working together for mutual pleasure. However, lately Lorelei has had less and less energy to be on top or in any sort of control, and has acquiesced to letting Will take care of her.

“Why didn’t you wake me, baby?” Will coo’s in her ear.

Lorelei whines. “You work so hard…”

Will chuckles a little bit. “Princess, you work 40+ hours a week 8 months pregnant. I volunteer part time. You can wake me if you wanna feel something other than cheap plastic in you.”

Lorelei mutters something about it not being cheap, panting as she lays there getting fucked. “You volunteer, you help the farm, you’re dealing with Ben and have been driving Laci around-”

 Santi was doing some consulting lately. With Laci and Frankie working and Ben and Will having their own personal lives busy, he’d confessed to being lonely, and was trying to keep busy. Not that he’d ever tell Laci that, god no. He didn’t want her to feel like she had to stay home. The 30 hour weeks were working for her. Laci can’t drive, so Will had been helping her out here and there. 

As for the farm, they had some hired help but Will was out there for long hours while Lorelei worked. He had wanted to sell the damn place, it was barely functional as it was and Mrs. Miller was getting ready to move off the property, but no buyers just yet. It was looking like harvest season was going to need to be manned by them. Ben wanted nothing to do with the farm, so he was no help. He existed in a stand of a constant buzz of alcohol anyway, and refused rehab.

Will cut her off with a kiss. “None of that matters more than my princess needing me.”

She melted into him, all her barriers were coming down with every day he continued to prove himself. She couldn’t wait to see him with Chloe… the idea of Will with a tiny baby made her think about getting pregnant intentionally. 

He’ll be a good dad. She just knew it.

That’s how she ended up on her hands and knees, coming on his cock 3 times and he was still going. 

“Fuck!” He grumbled, pulling out of her and sighing, but no orgasm. Will was suddenly avoidant, scooching off the side of the bed to get dressed.

“Will?” Lorelei asked, initially reaching for him, but remembering not to touch his back. She excited the other side of the bed to walk around in full view of him so no moved were sudden. There was no part of Lorelei that thought Will would hurt her. He hadn’t had flashbacks for years. But, she still was conscious of things that may trigger or discomfort him.

“Okay if I wrap us up?” She asked, stark naked but holding a blanket. Will nods, and she joins him at the end of the bed where she wraps and blanket around them both. “You okay?”

Will nods, eyes closed as he’s doing his breathing. His dick was softening, and it made Lorelei sad to know he was struggling. After the ball, Lorelei went with Will to his therapy appointment. Will only went once a month now. He signed up after the fated mission that lead them to rescuing Laci. Ben had been shot, leading to some poor behavior on Will’s part in his treatment towards Laci in the beginning, residual feelings about protecting his baby brother despite Ben’s capabilities as a soldier. He didn’t like how he was acting, so he was the first to go to therapy. Frankie came later after some encouragement from Laci, who is still in weekly therapy. 

Will addressed his issues quickly being the efficient and intuitive person he was. Straight to the point. He was going once a month, but had bumped it up to twice and was seeing a psych at Lorelei’s request. Part of it was because of his new diagnosis, but also because of the continued stress of Ben. Ben refused to get help for his eating, insisting there wasn’t a problem and just became more secretive. He wasn’t himself. Over the last few months, in addition to Laci’s mood swings, Ben had become far from the man who knew before Will. Gone was the ray of sunshine that beamed at her even beaten and bloodied from a bar fight. Ben wasn’t himself. 

He didn’t smile much anymore, barely laughed… she missed him loud, booming laughter. He never sang. She used to always know when he was in her hospital because he would sing as nurses wheeled him down halls or while trying to hit on them, respectfully, of course. He so clearly avoided Laci and sometimes straight up ignored her when she talked to him. This was because Alice hated her and accused Ben of cheating with his former best friend. It broke Loreilei’s heart to see Ben and Laci so sad and so distant. He was still her best man, Laci refused to back down from that, even when Santi suggested he be a bride’s man and Jana take over as maid of honor. They weren’t doing bachelorettes or anything like that, but Santi thought she might want someone next to her that-

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, Laci cut him off and it ended in a fight. Laci refused to give up on him, even if he abandoned her.

So, all this was naturally putting a lot of stress on Will. Only reprieve he had was when Frankie came over to watch sports. Frankie and Jana were thriving.

Will was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive disorder, and was placed on a high dosage of prozac that was being tapered up. It wasn’t easy on him at all, but he took it with stride, know the adjustment period was the hardest, saying Laci had mentioned last year struggling to find the right medications.

Right now, however, what drove him crazy was that sometimes, the medicine prohibited orgasms.

“You feeling okay?” Lorelei asked when he calmed down and opened his eyes. 

Will sighs. “Yeah, yeah, I guess.” He kisses her head. “Let’s get dressed.”

Lorelei watches as he gets up averting her eyes from his back and instead admiring his ass and the way it’s plumped just a bit.

“It’s fucking annoying.” He muttered, turned away from her. He talks better about his feelings when looking away. Even in therapy, she noticed he doesn’t look at his therapist.

She knew he was referring to being unable to orgasm. “I know, but it’s gotten better, hasn’t it? It’s only once in a while now. I don’t mean that to invalidate-”

Will turns around with a soft smile. “I know, Lore. You mean it’s better than it was when I started.”

She nods, relieved. She’s not used to comforting, but she’s doing her best for him. After he dresses, and he sees her still watching him with a hungry gaze, he throws an old shirt at her, knowing damn well she won’t be caught outside their home in that. “Get dressed, baby. We can go for round 4 after drinks.”

*

Laci was glowing. Her wedding only 2 weeks away, both her and Santi were laughing and smiling at the table looking ever-in love. Lorelei liked seeing them like this. Will and Lorelei walked in the same time as Jana and Frankie, and Will held the door open for all three of them (Frankie did a little curtsy and thanked Will in his ‘playing barbies with Rosie’ voice).

Jana was already begging Laci to tell her what the big meeting was, an edge of anxiety to her voice Will recognized and he locked eyes with Frankie. They were worried about the same thing he and Lorelei were, thinking the wedding was postponed. 

But Laci just smiled brightly, saying it was a good surprise, but she wanted Ben there. Santi locked eyes with everyone, and everyone locked eyes with everyone except Laci, knowing Laci was setting herself up for disappointment. Whatever reaction she wanted from Ben, she wouldn’t get.

“Well, he needs to hurry up, because we have an announcement too.” Jana turned to Laci and smiled.

Ben was an hour late, walking in with Alice and already looked drunk. He had bags under his eyes, his normally golden skin was pale despite the summer sun. He had gained weight, which wasn’t a bad thing but it was an sig he wasn’t going outside or to the gym. Bulimia tends to cause weight gain. This was not the Benjamin the girls knew. This Ben had been seen by Frank and Santi a few times over the years, but this was something Will was deeply and terrifyingly familiar with. This is the Benjamin their dad beat into him, the Benjamin after Cameron left, the Benjamin that was bullied so severely by people like Alice Will constantly worried for his brother’s safety. This was bad. 

Alice was with him. She was never invited, but somehow always tagged along. 

Will whispered to Frankie. “I think he’s on something, keep an eye out.”

Frankie passed it to Jana, and Jana nodded at Will. Jana and Frankie weren’t experimental with drugs, mostly weed and coke, but back in their party days they knew people on everything and were equipped, along with Lorelei, to recognize it. Laci too, having been an addict of all sorts of drugs and vices, but she had enough on her plate.

“Okay!” Laci said excitedly, bouncing in her seat as she held Santi’s hand. “Jana first!” 

Jana tried to hold off. “No, no Laci you gathered us, you go first.”

After some back and forth, Jana acquiesced and took her boyfriends hand, looking at him with a bright smile as Frankie looked at her adoringly. 

“We’re having a baby.”

The table erupted with congratulations, Laci and Santi jumping out of their chairs to hug their friends, Will and Lorelei following suit. As a shocked Laci teared up talking to Jana, Will observed Santi holding Frankie close, his hands so wrapped up and entangled in his hair that Frankie’s cap fell down. Frankie and Santi were never afraid to show each other affection, and Santi’s eyes even teared up, whispering how proud he was of his friend. 

Will joined in, hugging them both. “I’m so fucking happy for you.” Rosie’s pregnancy was an accident, a miracle that happened in a bad time and gave Will his little niece he loved so much, but this was something happening that showed how far both of them had come. Frankie and Jana were sober and the leather cusp Frankie wore on his wrist, a gift from Laci, hid the scars of how close Frankie came to not making it to this point. Look how much he had to live for.

Ben congratulated them sincerely, even Alice smiled and said congratulations, but Ben’s eyes were not bright and excited like when they announced Jana was pregnant with Rosie. The light was gone. Ben knew as well as the others how hard Frankie worked to get sober for his family, and it made Will want to cry to see him this dead inside. The Benny he knew would be whooping and cheering and announcing to the entire bar.

When everyone settled, Jana turned to Laci. “Okay sweets, what's your announcement?”

Laci and Santi immediately turned to each other, hesitating, then to the group

“Um… we can tell you guys another time, we don’t wanna hijack your announcement.

Frankie told them it was nonsense, that this was their get together and they were happy to share excitement with their friends. 

After some deliberation, Laci took a deep breath.

“I’m pregnant.” She says softly, but the giddiness radiating off her body. 

Jana whipped towards her, mouth agape. “What?!?!”

Santi pulls Laci’s whole chair closer so he can cuddle Laci up next to him. He looked as happy as someone can possibly be, like he was floating on air. He turned to Laci, placing a hand on her stomach. “Mi chica perfecta, having baby…” He kissed her forehead and held her as Will, Lorelei, Jana and Frankie got up to hug the couple. The whole time, being flooded with kind words, Laci’s eyes were locked on Ben’s who was stared at her, sad and blank faced.

Alice elbowed him. “Say something, you fucking asshole.”

Ben jumped, but mumbled a congratulations.

Jana was so excited to be pregnant at the same time as her friend. She expressed how amazing it was to have three of them pregnant at once, how the kids would all be friends.

As everyone settled again, Santi spoke again. “There’s one more thing, we um… we know what we’re having…” He said, smiling widely. Will had never seen Santi like this before Laci. Everyone likes to talk about what Santi’s done for Laci, taking a physically, sexually, and emotionally broken down woman and loving her for all her broken pieces, building her up to the person she is now, a woman who still has hardships but is joyful, strong, and empathetic. Thing is, the change in Santi is evident. He’s no longer a ball of anger and anxiety, no longer alone and depressed after his sister and mothers death. He’s content, excited for his future with his girl by his side and now a baby. Laci brought him peace he never knew he could have.

Lorelei spoke. “How… how is that possible?” She glanced at Laci’s stomach. She’d gained weight the last few months, but everyone just assumed it was the weight she was supposed to be putting on to be healthy anyway. They planned to try for a baby as soon as they were married, so Laci wanted to be at a healthy weight… it seemed her heavier eating had a different cause.

Laci explained. “We just had the appointment two days ago, we’re” She looked up to Santiago, eyes sparkling. “We’re having a boy.”

“Holy shit, Lace…” Frankie mutters, smiling. “That’s amazing guys. You got a name picked out yet?”

“Not totally.” Laci sighs. “We had one for a girl. We liked Juliette Josephina”

"Juliette is French,  Josephina is Spanish.” Santi adds.

“But we can’t figure out a boy's name.”

Santiago explains that the middle name is going to Antonio, after Laci’s late brother, Antoni. “So we just need a first name. Something, Antonio, Garcia.”

The shift in Laci’s body language and facial expression was clear. She looked confused, and Will heard Lore whisper, “Oh no.”

Santi was obvious to the shift until Laci turned to look up at him. “Garcia?”

He paused at that, looking at his fiance. “Yeah… Garcia. That’s my last name, munequita.” He jokes and gently nudges her, but Laci looks irritated, scooting away. Will caught Frankie’s eyes.

“I’m the last of my family’s name, baby. I don’t want it to die with me.”

Santi looked more confused, but also there was a slight edge to his voice. “Well, if you remember, I’m the last of my family too.” That was a mistake. Laci always remembered Santi’s dead family the same she did hers. The glare on Laci’s face showed she took that personal, but Santi didn’t stop. “They won’t even let us put a different last name than ours on his birth certificate, so I don’t really know what you’re talking about.”

Laci looked confused again, but when Lorelei sucked in a breath, Will turned to her for clarification while the couple had a stare-down.

Lorelei whispered. “I think Santi thought she was taking his last name…”

Oh fucking hell.

When the realization hit Laci, it showed on her face like all her emotions did. “I’m not taking your last name, Santiago...”

Everyone heard Jana groan and flop her head on the table. “Man, I wish I could drink.”

This time, Lorelei turned to Will, confused. Will clarifies. “She only calls him by his full name if she’s mad, or really um… frisky. So unless they are about to go to the unisex bathroom, it’s gonna be a long night.”

Ben stood up. “I’m getting drinks. Anyone else here suddenly pregnant or do you guys want a round?”

“The last thing you need is another drink” Alice chastizes, making Laci turn away from her brewing fight.

Laci. “Another? Ben, are you already drunk?”

Alice. “Mind your business.”

Santi. “Hey! Don’t talk to her like that!”

Ben. “Oh my god, shut the hell up, Garcia. Go figure why your fiance doesn’t want to marry you so badly she doesn’t want you last name.”

Frankie. “Ben!” But Ben was already walking to flag down a bartender, stumbling. Will began to stand, but Lorelei pulled him back. 

Santi turned to Laci, a sad, dejected look on his face. “You don’t want to marry me?”

Jana. “Don’t listen to Ben, Santito, he doesn’t know shit.”

Alice huffs.

Laci. “Of course I want to marry you! You’re the love of my life and the father of my son, I adore you, but Santiago, how could you just assume I’d take your name?”

Santi. “Because! Well… uh- well because-”

Laci. “Because I’m a woman and you’re a man? Santiago, you’ve never forced me into gender rolls-”

Santi. “Please stop calling me that.”

Laci. “You don’t listen to me!”

Santi took her hands, pulling her close with a desperate look in his eyes. He speaks quietly. “Lace, baby, I know you’re going through something right now, and the pregnancy has a lot of hormones-”

For the third time, Will and Frankie looked at each other. Rookie mistake.

Laci was not thrilled, called out Santi’s invalidating words and the couple continued going back and forth. Alice got up and joined Ben at the bar doing shots while the two couples left sat and relative quiet and drank their water and ate their food.

When Ben came back, him and Alice were drunk, handing out shots to Will, Frankie and Santi.

Frankie frowned. “Ben, you know I don’t drink.”

“Oh, right.” The blonde boy laughed, as if alcoholism didn’t nearly kill both of them. Ben grabbed the shot and took it before Frankie could stop him. Santi took his shot, and Will slid his to Santi.

Ben turned to Will, defensive. “What’s your problem?”

“I’m just not drinking is all.”

“Got something to do with the fact you have the same pills as Laci in your bathroom?”

A hush fell over the room, everyone turning to Will. They weren’t supposed to find out about that. 

“Will?” Laci’s small voice spoke through the surrounding voices of the bar. “Are you on prozac?”

Will sighs, but he feels Lorelei’s hand on his, and she whispers that he doesn’t have to talk about it. He knows if he doesn’t want to, she’d help change the subject or make an exit. But he decides he wants to. Laci, Jana and Frankie are so open about their struggles, he could open up just a little.

“I was diagnosed with Obsssive Compulsive Disorder recently and I started medication for it, and I’m back in therapy more regularly.” He spoke calmly, smooth. “It’s really not a big deal, I’m managing it, and Lore.” Will smiles at her fondly. “Is helping me.”

Ben watched him as he talked, still very drunk. “Well I guess this explains a lot.”

“Yeah, it really does. And it’s been nice getting help.”

“Why are you on prozac though? Isn’t it an anti-depressant” He asks.

“Prozac helps with OCD too”

“Doesn’t it, like... Kill your sex drive.”

Frankie smacks his palm to his face and Will sighs again.

“I’m not talking about this with you, especially not here.”

“Hey!” Ben raised his hands defensively. “Don’t get mad at me because you need pills”

Will rolls his eyes. “You literally are supposed to be on adderall”

Lorelei claps her hands together, attempting to change the subject. “Jana, Laci, how many weeks are you two then?”

Jana took the opportunity to distract the brothers. “I’m 10 weeks.” She turned to Laci. “Did you guys did the blood test to find out the sex earlier?”

Laci shook her head, smiling a bit again although avoidant of Santi’s touch. “Um… no, I’m actually 20 weeks.”

Everyone turned to gape at her. “Lace! Shit, how the hell did you hide it?” Jana looked at her stomach. She had a little bit of a stomach, but nothing that screamed pregnant.

Laci’s face fell. “Um… Well he’s um… we think he’s kinda small…” The pink in her cheeks deepens.

Alice speaks. “Are you not eating?”

“No! Of course I am! It’s just hard-”

“How is it hard, just eat-”

Santi sits up at that, defending his fiance. “Laci is doing everything possible to take care of our son. We got plenty of medical professionals, so we don’t need your input.”

Laci smiles at him again, then she gets more serious as she speaks quietly. “We wanted to keep it a secret as long as we could. I was cleared to try for a baby medically, but um… well…” She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Santi whispers that she doesn’t have to explain anything, but Laci wants to. “I miscarried… before.” She emphasized the before, and Will understood it was in captivity. Santi extended a hand, and Laci took it this time. “So we wanted to wait. But everything looked good at the last ultrasound, just small. But the doctor said there was no need to worry.”

Will saw Santi squeeze Laci’s hand, and smiled. No matter the what, Santi had her back. “How long have you known?”

She looked fondly at the man who’d become like an older brother to her, someone who reminded her so much of Antoni. Antoni was tall, blond and broad too. They looked nothing alike, save for the blonde hair, but Laci liked how safe she felt with her brother. She was always shy and sensitive, even as a child. Making friends was hard for her, and she was always a little strange. Antoni was her defense. No one wanted to mess with his little sister, no matter her awkwardness and occasional meltdowns.

 “A few days after the beach trip, but before the funeral. That’s why I wasn’t feeling good and left early. I was a little worried I’d played too hard at the beach.” Laci laughed a little. “Like when I fell off your shoulders.”

“I’ll be honest.” Ben said, still avoiding looking at Laci. “Until I saw Lore swimming that day, I thought pregnant women couldn’t swim.”

Will laughed as she saw Jana close her eyes, take a deep breath, and turn to him with a smile. “Pardon me, Benny boy?” She giggled.

Benny raised his hands in defense, laughing. “Hey don’t blame me! I got 2000’s bible belt sex ed!”

Lorelei poked her boyfriend. “So did Will, but he certainly knows his way around a vagina.” Oh boy, did he.

“Oh trust me.” Ben chuckles. “So do I.”

Jana looks at Ben. “Benjamin, baby, are you registered to vote?”

“Sure am!”

She turned to the girls, laughing. “This is why we gotta vote, ladies! Men will know absolutely nothing about women’s bodies and then make choices on our reproductive rights!”

“Don’t look at me! I voted blue!”

But Will saw right away this was not something Alice knew. She turned to him. “You vote democrat?”

Ben’s face fell. Instantly he looked panicked. “Well… I mean the last election… 2020 was a weird time…” He seemed to try to backtrack. Will watched carefully, trying to focus on Lorelei’s hand squeezing him in time. He counted the squeezes of her hand to calm himself, trying to not butt in right away. Part of Will’s therapy was learning he didn’t have to carry everything on his shoulders, and he didn’t have to step in for every little squabble within his family. 

However, if Jana had one flaw, and she had very few, it would be an inability to backdown. She spoke to Alice, serious now. “Are you telling me you vote republican?”

Alice scoffed. “Yeah, me and most of the state of Florida. What, you thought I was some blue haired liberal? Unlike you, I got a real degree and didn’t walk out of college brainwashed.” She glared at Jana, and Frankie sat up. He wouldn’t insert himself where Jana didn’t want him, but if Alice disrespected her, he’d stand by his woman.

Jana laughed out loud, a short, clipped laugh that made Santi cringe. He’d been on the other end of that laugh before, and it was never good. “A real degree?”

“Yeah.” Alice challenged. “A real degree. Not some gender studies bullshit.”

“OOOHH! That’s what it is! You’re mad I have a bachelors in Women and Gender studies. Well, even if it wasn’t a real degree, which it is, I have a masters and am working on a doctorate.”

“Yeah, a doctorate program you flunked out of because you’re a crackhead!”

“HEY!” Frankie barked. “Don’t fucking talk to her like that!”

But Alice ignored him. “Where’s your daughter, Jana? How often do you see her?” She continued to talk despite Frankie and Santi telling her to shut the fuck up. Santi wouldn’t stand by anyone talking shit about Jana, especially her mothering of his goddaughter. “You’re perfectly happy to leave your child all day to work and leave her at a fucking day or have her father babysit him while you try to girlboss your way through the corporate ladder.”

“Corporate ladder?” Jana gawks. “I work at a non-profit! Don’t fucking dare act like I’m some cold hearted corporate woman in a hallmark movie spending hours in an office over time with my family when I am trying to help homeless youth-”

“You're spreading an agenda!”

There was silence, a deadly calm as Jana processed what she said, eyebrows raised. “An… agenda… are you saying what I think you’re saying…”

Will took more breaths. Lorelei asked him if he needed to step out but he said no. He was being quiet for now, but he loved Jana with his whole heart and would stand by her too. He looked to Ben, hoping he’d fucking say something, hoping he’d choose Jana who he’s know for years, whose daughter he’s helped raise, who’d do fucking anything for him above Alice, but he knew it was futile. If he let Alice pull him away from Laci, from him, she had him completely.

Alice didn’t look at anyone other than Jana. “Yeah, the gay agenda. Homeless gay teens don’t need a shelter and hormones, they need to be sent home!”

“TO PARENTS THAT KICKED THEM OUT!”

“Parents have rights! I know the left likes to force being gay and trans on kids-”

“HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT WHEN YOU’RE DATING BEN!”

Everything was quiet, and Will felt like the life had been sucked out of the room. His chest tightened when the look on Alice’s face revealed what Will had wondered. 

Alice doesn’t know.

She looked confused. “Ben… isn’t gay…”

Jana, caught up in her anger didn’t catch up, even as Frankie whispered her name. “Yeah, okay, he’s bi, same difference but-”

Jana was irrelevant now, turning to face a wide-eyed Ben. “Benny, what the fuck is she talking about.”

Will didn’t know what was going on, what was happening, but he recognized something in Ben. Fear. “Ben, hey, let’s step out-” He stood, wanting to separate Ben from what was happening, but Ben shrugged him off.

“Fuck off! I’m not gay! Or bi, or- or any of that!”

A tiny voice whispered sadly. “Benny…” Laci’s eyes filled with sadness, a sadness Will felt in his own chest as he watched his brother crawl back into the closet after only just being out.

Then, Jana realized what she did, gasping and covering her mouth. Frankie put a reassuring hand on her thigh, but watched the scene unfold in front of him. Jana didn’t mean to out Ben, she had assumed Alice knew.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Ben?” Alice spat, disgust in her voice as she looked him over.

“Baby, no, it’s not like that! It was, I went through a phase...”

Laci looked desperately at the man who used to be her best friend, not understand how he could want to be with someone who didn’t love him as he was… but somehow, she also got it. Before Santi, Lacina was so desperate for love, for affection, she took it wherever she could find it, even if that came with drugs and abuse and living on streets sometimes. It didn’t matter to her. She took the love she thought she deserved. Now, now she knows she deserves nothing less than Santi, in all his adoration. How could Ben not understand he deserved so much more than Alice? He deserved to be loved wholly and completely

“Benny, stop” She said, tearing up.

But Ben snapped at her. “Stay the fuck out of this!” He yelled with a glare, and winced as Santiago stood up quickly out of his chair. 

“Apoligize to her, you fucking dickhe-”

“Santi STOP!” Laci yelled, crying, then turning back to Benny even as her body was shaking with anxiety. She was going to get her words out, even if she had to sign them. Benny was the one who taught her and Santi, after all. “Benny, don’t do this-”

“Laci, just stop talking-”

“I don’t understand! I don’t understand why you let her talk to you like this, why you let her do this to you! You used to be my best friend and now you don’t even talk you me! How are you supposed to be my best man when we havn’t spoken in months!”

“Maybe I don’t want to be in your fucking wedding!”

Around them every person in her group had something to say to Ben: Will, Lorelei, Santi, Jana, Frankie, but Laci only saw Ben, the anger in him as her broke her heart.

“I WANTED YOU TO BE MY SON’S GODFATHER, BEN! I WANTED YOU TO BE THERE AS HE GOT BAPTIZED!”

Santi was momentarily distracted, looking at her confused. “Baptized?”

But Laci and Ben ignored him. “Well I don’t! And I don’t want to fucking talk to you!” Ben got up, nearly falling over as he stormed away. Will tried to follow after him, but Ben shouted at him to go away. Alice followed after.

Laci was shaking. Jana looked guilt stricken as she covered her face with her hands, taking deep breaths as Frankie soothed her, telling her she’s an amazing mom and doing amazing work. Lorelei stood by Will, holding his hands and guiding him through breathing exercises. Santi was knelt at Laci’s side, holding her as she cried. 

“You did amazing, munequita, I’m so proud of you.”

After a few moments, her body tensed, moving away from him. When Santi sensed she didn’t want her touch, he let go.

“I want our baby baptized, Santi. We’re baptizing him.” She mutters, sounding angry.

Santi blinked at her. “I- baby, can we talk about this?”

“What’s there to talk about? We were both raised catholic.” She was avoidant, not looking at him or anyone, just staring at the floor, frowning. It was so strange for Will to see her like this, for her to be so closed off and angry as Santi attempted to communicate calmly. Santi is not known to be level headed in these situations. 

Santi took a breath, considering his words carefully as he tried to open up dialoge. “Lacina, you know, you know I would do anything for you-”

“So let me have this!”

He blinked at her yelling, clearly hurt, but he and Laci had always communicated before and he didn’t want to stop now. “But you can’t just make these choices for our son without asking me. We don’t go to church, Lace. I’m not saying we can’t baptize him, if it’s important to you of course we can but… But Lace, that’s something we need to decide together.”

Suddenly, she turned to her fiance, glaring at him. “I don’t need to ask your permission about my baby, Santiago!” She spat as she stood up, and Santiago stood with her.

Despite his hurt, he spoke calmly towards her. Santi never raised his voice to her. “Our baby, Laci. Our baby.”

“Whatever.” Laci shook her head, walking away. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Santi began to walk after her, knowing she can’t be alone in public, but to his surprise she shouted at him to leave her alone.

*

Laci’s face burned with embarrassment and tears as she tried to avoid eye contact with people in the bar. She was radiating anger, and right now it was directed at Santi but she knew that’s just because he was the easier target. It’s easier than admitting how badly Benny hurt her. He was her best friend, he was the first person she spoke to when the others rescued her and the first person to treat her normal. While the others talked to her like a scared wet cat, he would come over and put on Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Santi tried to put on the show recently, knowing how much she missed watching it with him, but it just made Laci cry.

She missed him, and she hated the person she’d become recently. She was angry, all the time and she took it out on Santi… her loving, wonderful fiance. Maybe she was wrong, maybe she didn’t deserve him. Maybe she deserved what she had gotten before, the love that hit her, got her addicted, sold her. Santi deserved better.

As she passed a hallway, she heard Ben’s voice and couldn’t help but look up. What she saw… it made a lot of things clear. 

Alice and Ben were arguing, but that wasn’t unusual. What struck her, what compelled her to keep watching was how scared he looked. And then it happened.

Alice threw a punch, and right away Laci knew it wasn’t the first time. He barely reacted. Instead, Ben just stood there, letting him hit her. Despite everything she endured, despite her PTSD, her fear, despite the height Alice had on her and the violence she wasn’t afraid to enact on someone over a foot taller than Laci was, Laci did not hesitate. She ran up to them, placing herself in front of Ben to block him from Alice’s blows.

Alice looked enraged, and Laci felt Ben’s arm on her trying to move her away. “Lace, please, go.”

“No!” She turned slightly to bed to see his saddened and worried face, desperate to get her away from Alice, but she didn’t budge.

Alice glared at the small woman. “Mind your business!”

“He is my business! I don’t care how much he hates me, he’s still my friend and you don’t get to hurt him!”

“Oh yeah, your friend.” Alice said, disbelievingly. 

“Yes, Alice, my friend! I don’t want him! He and I had a whole year before you showed up, months before I was dating Santi for us to date if we wanted to but we don’t! I don’t want him like that! I’m engaged to a wonderful man and I had hoped that Ben would find someone to be happy with but instead it’s YOU.”

Alice crossed her arms. “Maybe it’s not you I need to be worried about, maybe it’s Santi.”

Laci felt more confused than ever. “You are so insecure! Santi is his friend!”

Ben saw it coming before Laci did and tried to move her out of the way. It wasn’t fast enough, and between Ben moving her and Alice’s swing, Laci was knocked to the ground.

*

Santi went to follow her after a few minutes, just in case she ran into trouble again in the halls. She was angry, and she hurt his feelings, but he worried she’d calm down and become afraid. He never wanted her to feel afraid, never again. He just wanted to talk to her, he wanted to sit down and talk without it becoming a fight. The baptism wasn’t the issue. Of course he’d agree to that. Hell, they could go to mass every week and begin practicing if that’s what she wanted. He knew she still prayed sometimes. Whatever she wanted was hers, he always said that… and maybe that’s where he should have communicated.

 It wasn’t that his priorities changed when she told him she was pregnant, it was that they grew. Laci had been his number one for a year and half, everything was for her. Next came Frankie, then the rest of his family: Jana, Ben, Will, Rosie, in no order. Now, however, he had his son to think of, and Laci and him couldn’t make choices on their own, not regarding him. It had to be a family choice.

Santi didn’t see it happen very clearly. He barely saw it at all. All he knew was Ben moved, and now Laci was on the floor with a bloody lip. Santi was triggered back to that day so long ago the day he found her tied up in a basement with that cut on her forehead, bleeding. Now she was bleeding again, because he didn’t protect her. He saw red.

“YOU’RE A FUCKING DEADMAN, MILLER!”

*

Lorelei was just behind him. She told Will to sit there with Frankie and Jana and she’d check in on everyone else, knowing Will needed to calm down. When she heard Santi’s threat, it didn’t matter what had happened, she knew she had to get between Santi and the man who she knew was her future brother-in-law.

Before Santiago could swing, all 5’3 of Lorelei stood between the two men, Santi’s fist pulled back.

“Lorelei, move, now.” He said, fury in his voice indicating he was just barely holding on to his restraint. 

“No! You need to cool down, Garcia!” She’d faced down Santi once before, stared at the barrel of his gun. She wasn’t afraid of his fist. She didn’t think Santi would hurt her, but she’d heard and seen what he had done to people who’ve harmed Laci before. She wasn’t sure if she was enough to stop that explosion.

“MOVE!”

“Or what!? You’ll hit a pregnant woman?” Lorelei challenged.

Santi scoffed at that in disgust. “No! I’m not Ben”

That took Lorelei by surprise and she looked to Laci. The girl was frozen, clearly compartmentalizing as she sat on the floor, her pink dress staining with blood dripping from her mouth. If Ben did that to the poor girl half his size, Lorelei was going to beat his ass herself. But she’d broken up enough ER fights to know that one cannot simply go off the word of one person. Ben, however, was not denying anything as Alice stood behind him.

“I’m not moving until you calm the fuck-”

Before she had a chance to stop it, she heard Jana yell a warning to Santi but it was too late. Will yanked Santi back and threw him against the wall, wrapping his hands around his neck. He wasn’t choking him, but he easily could.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!” He bellowed, loud and angry.

Santi didn’t back down, even knowing what Will was capable of and that he used to have blackouts.

“Ben hit Laci!”

Will turned to see Laci, Jana knelt beside her, holding her comfortably while Frankie stayed close to them both in the chaos, and anger at his brother surged, but that wasn’t the point. Santi was not the arbitrator of justice, not to Ben and certainly not to Lorelei.

“How FUCKING DARE YOU raise your hand to her!” His fist tightened, just a bit. 

“I WASN’T GOING TO HIT LORELEI! Jesus! I’m gonna beat Ben’s ass, and yours if you don’t move!”

Frankie walked to them, trying to pull Will away. He recognized that white-hot anger, and he sympathized with both of them. If someone put their hands on or raised a fist to Jana, he’d feel the same. But someone needed to be the voice of reason before they killed each other.

“You’re not beating anyone’s ass, Pope, and you fucking know it.” He placed a hand on his shoulder. “Will could fucking fold you.”

“HE HIT HER!” 

“William.” Lorelei spoke softly, her hands sliding over Will’s. The backs of her fingers were on Santi’s neck and she could feel his rapid pulse. “William, baby, you need to let him go.”

Will took a breath. “But he-”

“I know, baby. I know. But he didn’t touch me, and you know damn well he wasn’t going too.”

Loosening his gasp, Santi started to say something but Lorelei shushed him. “You understand where he’s coming from, right? His pregnant fiance is bleeding, you understand why he’s so angry.”

He did. He got it. It’s the ame anger he felt when he saw Santi’s fist raised to Lore, but she was right. He was never going to hit her, and certainly not 8 months pregnant. Santi wasn’t like that. He let go, still fuming, but also confused. Benny had been a prick lately, a fucking dumbass, but he’d never been the type to hit a woman. Every bar fight he was in was with men. 

Ben protected women. Benny loved Laci, he knew he did. Why would he hurt her? Laci was scared silent, going nonverbal from the shock and barely looked like she was mentally here. She looked at the floor, eyes glassy as she sat on Jana’s lap. Jana held her tightly, giving her the pressure she needed to hopefully prevent a panic attack. Hell, Will might kill Ben himself. 

When he let go and stepped back, he saw Santi make a move to go at Ben again who ws stand silently to the side, but Frankie’s hand on his chest held him in place.

“You got nothing to say, Ben?!” He shouted, the words echoing off the walls of the short hall. “You fucking coward! So miserable in your own life you take it out on someone whose loved you un-fucking-conditionally despite everything! FUCK YOU!”

Jana spoke from where she held Laci tightly. The blonde girl was in shock, no even crying like she normally does. “Santi!” She called him to look down. “Your girl needs you.” 

When Santi turned and saw his precious fiance on the floor, bleeding, his heart broke. He needed to take her to the hospital, he needed to take care of her. Laci didn’t want Benny hurt. Laci’s defended Ben to him before, she loves him. That’s not what she wants. Right now, he recognized the look in her eyes… She needed him to be present.

Santi pushed past Frankie’s hold and knelt down beside her, his touch careful on her hands and his soft. “Hey, Miss Lacina.” He said with a gentle smile. “It’s just me, Santi. I’m gonna take you to the hospital, okay?”

She gave the tiniest nod, so he continued. “I’m gonna pick you up, and I’m gonna be very, very careful. Does anything hurt?”

She signed ‘my face’

He nodded. “Yeah, I Bet it does, princess.”

Santi scoops her up in his strong arms, Jana rescinding her responsibly into capable hands. Laci wrapped her arms around his neck and legs around his middle, dissociating but knowing him. She trusted in his voice, his smell, his touch even when she knew nothing else. Next, Frankie bent down and slung an arm around Jana’s middle to help her up. 

Santi turned to give one final word to Ben, holding Laci up under her bottom and pointing his non dominant hand at Ben. “Don’t come to the wedding, and don’t you ever come near my wife and child again.”

“Santi.” Frankie nudged Santi along, arm still around Jana. Frankie shot one last look back to Ben, worried, and left with the others. Now, Lorelei couldn’t understand sign language outside of some basics she’d learned, but she could recognize it. It was subtle, like she was whispering to Ben. Lorelei saw Ben nod, and then she was gone.

The two couples were left, Lorelei kept holding Will’s hand, knowing he needed it as he turned around to face Ben, angry. He’d protect Ben from Santiago, but she knew he was damn pissed about him hurting Laci.

“What. The fuck. Was that.” Will seethed at his younger brother.

Alice looked up at Ben and mouthed something to him that Will and Lorelei couldn’t read. 

Ben hesitated, but looked rapidly between Lorelei and Will before becoming avoidant. “Nothing.” He muttered and tried to walk away.

“No!” Will held out a hand, stopping him. “Did you hit her?! Did you actually knock a pregrant women, Laci of all fucking people, to the fucking floor? Jesus Ben! We thought you were better than that!”

Grabbing Alice’s hand, he shoved past Will. “Fuck off.”

“THIS WHAT YOU WANT, BEN? TO HURT WOMEN?” Will shouted, starting after him, but Lorelei held him back. “YOU WANNA BE DAD, NOW?”

Lorelei watched Ben and Alice leave, but somehow, she couldn’t believe this was the full story. Ben was not like that. Her intuition said something was wrong.

*

It was a few hours later. Lorelei and Will were up watching I love Lucy, Lore between Will’s legs on the couch. Despite being horny as hell, Lorelei could read a room and did not initiate. So, she simply laid with him and tried not to squirm. It was, frankly, hot seeing Will defend her like that, knowing that he’d do anything for her and Chloe. Seeing his throw Santi up against the wall for even looking like he might hurt her… goddamn…

“You're horny, aren’t you?” His voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Goddamn it. Am I that predictable?”

He chuckles. It was nice to hear him laugh after tonight. “A little. But mostly, it was kinda hot watching you stand up to Santi like that. Remember the day you first met him?” 

“How could I forget.” She can feel him laugh, then he sighs.

“I’m supposed to be in his wedding in two weeks. I don’t know how we get past that.”

“He told Ben to stay away, not you.”

“But I almost choked him out Lore…” Will groaned, feeling ashamed of his actions. 

“You did it to protect me and Ben, Santi will understand. And he was doing what he did to defend Laci. I think you both can understand each other.”

A brief pause. “I just can’t believe he did that… To Laci of all people, christ, that girls been through enough.”

“Yeah… and god damn, that whole part before?” She shook her head. “Shit show. Bet Jana feels awful.”

“She didn’t mean to. Ben’s been out for a while, a last to everyone except our family. She just assumed his long term girlfriend would know.”

Lorelei flopped her head back on Will’s chest. “Watching him walk himself back into the closet… that was hard to watch.”

“Don’t I know it…”

She turned to look up at him. “You doing okay, baby? As good as you can?”

He sighed “Yeah… looks like the meds are working, at least a little.” Will kissed her temple, his hands slowly started to caress her sensitive breasts.

“Mmmmmmm” She moaned, but made her best attempt at making him not feel like has too. “We don’t gotta do nothing just because I’m horny, babe. You had a bad night.”

Will kissed her neck. “Just wanna give you one on my fingers. Get my mind off things.”

Lorelei smiled. She wasn’t going to protest if he really wanted too. “Okay.” She relaxed into him as he slid his hands into her pj pants.

It was just started to get good when his phone rang, and she groaned.

“I’m gonna ignore it.” He promised, but the strain in his voice told her he wanted to answer.

“Go ahead, answer it. We can pick up later.” She pulled his hands out of his pants. It could be a number of people, including but not limited to the girl who took a fall in her second trimester and had to go to the ER. Lorelei remembered how scary that was for her when she fell.

Will pulled his hand out of her pants, still wet with her slick and grabbed his phone.

It was Santi. He sighed. He wanted to start with ‘what the fuck do you want’ but there was a more important issue. “How’s Laci and the baby?”

‘Their fine. Laci’s um… startled. Isn’t talking yet. But they are fine. She’s sleeping right now. She was… she was able to sign, though and… well she explained what happened. Ben tell you anything?’

Will looked to Lorelei who was listening in. “No, he just um… walked away.”

They could both hear him sigh loudly over the phone. ‘Listen man, we gotta talk.’

****************

:((((((((((((((((( BENNNYYYYYYYYYY

Tell me all your thoughts! Santi and laci fighting, jana and alice, etc etc etc

Laci is largely meant to be in the wrong here, but she’s spent a lot of chapters of several series being “perfect” and now she’s going through this plus pregnancy, Alice’s bullying and losing Ben, she’s not acting like herself.

And Ben…. Oh Ben.

I started cry writing Ben and laci fighting, Ben putting himself back in the closet broke my queer heart

@pimosworld @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @whatthefishh @missdictatorme @milkymoon2483 @poeedameronn @itspdameronthings @miraclesabound @babymills16 @rayslittlekitten @kirsteng42

[tumblingxelian]

Chrysididae 

The Birth of the Hero Chrysididae!

A student film premiers, a lost heiress in enraged at the perceived betrayal of her sponsor, classmates, family and even oldest friend.

Why she wonders, why do these things keep happening to me?

It is a question she had wondered before but only rarely, too often it was too easy to find some enemy to blame, or her own lack of exceptional talent.

But on this day, when she reflects on Gabriel Agreste's souless stare from the tablet, something clicks.

He did this on purpose.

Like one domino hitting another, it sets off a chain of memories and with them a realization.

On what was to be Adrien's first day of school, the first Akuma appears, despite the fact that surely other teenagers were embarrassed or angered.

This should have scared Adrien and compelled him to stay home, but no.

So it is again with Stoneheart, but somehow, for some reason he chooses Chloe as a victim despite nearly every member of class being terrified and enraged, despite his intent to be to confess his love to Mylene.

He still takes the time to kidnap Chloe, who was the instigator of Adrien's rebellion.

This would be her first near death, but not the last.

Lady Wifi would come next, suitably aggrieved perhaps but to what purpose? Hawk Moth of all people should know Chloe could not have been Ladybug, so there needs to be another motive, one to target the girl and not a presumed hero.

Ah yes, punishing her for helping Adrien slip his grasp.

Evilillustrator, would be next, neglecting the humiliation and abuse his teacher subjected him to in favor or murdering a girl for a snide comment regarding his crush.

Now you might say, what of Roger, Rose, Juleka and Kim?

But remember, even an Akuma will not go against the deep and abiding instincts of its source human. Their loved one's may be in endangered on accident or in a deranged bit to assist them.

But never would they be intentionally harmed.

In this same vain, a man who believes wholeheartedly in his duty to be of service to the community, a girl whose most malevolent self only wanted a dream wedding, a girl who wished to be seen and a boy who wished for love to disappear.

All Akuma that either would not or could not kill by their nature or that of their powers. They would be insufficient for breaking the girl who defied him.

Antibug is where things begin to change.

Convinced that her beloved idol hated her just as her mother always had, Chloe began to break. So much so she could not avoid his Akuma this time.

Able to defeat Chat Noir and a fair match for Ladybug she was one of the stronger Aluma. Not in the upper echelons like Style Queen or Sanboy, but worth stoking over the coals for an even greater reaction.

Speaking of Style Queen, you may question why Gabriel would allow his son, who has so far avoided all harm from any Akuma to be struck low.

I remind you that while his control is great it is not infinite. I would add that not only does Hawk Moth's ego outstrip his control but so too does his scheming.

Why snub the notoriously angry Style Queen? Why would Nathalie, an otherwise sensible woman go along with the insult. Only to see him retract it the next day? Why was Gabriel who has refused to leave his manor in all other attacks absent when the Style Queen invaded his home?

Why if not for the fact he sought to make Style Queen and with Mayura's help could do so. But she was not enough alone, but her presence would bring about inspiration for his newest scheme.

It would bring about Queen Wasp.

But first, you may question why Gabriel would allow his son, who has so far avoided all harm from any Akuma to be struck low. I remind you that while his control is great it is not infinite, and would go further and note how strange it is that Gabriel would be absent from his manor.

He would not leave during any other Akuma attack, yet the this one? How odd, lest

Murdered by her mother the day before, then rejected by her yet again, mind on the edge of snapping she orchestrated her own self destruction and from the wreckage crawled the first Akumatized Miraculous User.

For we cannot call her a hero.

Who was the next Akuma, but her own father. His intent with her just as it was with his wife, to keep her in Paris for his own pleasure at her expense. Conveniently ensuring Hawk Moth's new muse could not slip the leash she did not even know was fastening around her neck.

Just as hoped it would see, she was chosen this time to wield a Miraculous and she would be chosen again on Heroes' Day. Hawk Moth's only known effort to Akumatize others rather than letting the people of Paris do his work for him.

This was where we first saw sign of Mayura and to any who have been wondering. Yes, this is why The Collector & Simon Says mean so little. There was always a hidden second who could have commanded the Akuma, and if not, paint a target on his back from a target so far away that the here's would surely arrive in time.

With Mayura's arrival came a new wave of terror, not just for Paris but Chloe in particular.

Don't believe me, I do not blame you, but it is the truth.

Over the months following Heroes Day, battle after battle would be fought before the former Miraculous Holder. Always in front of her home where the Bee Signal shone, always to see her rejected by her idol.

From this came Miracular.

Close, but not close enough, Chloe resister the Akum, but Sabrina could not and within moments of Chat's arrival Mayura was upon them.

The villains had been waiting, a clear signal they had been observing her for sometimes, a clear signal of their continued interest.

Especially given, despite the months of absence, the moment it was necessary, Queen Bee flew again. Even as Ladybug swore this would be the last time as she doubtlessly had done for the last two months of battle.

Only to change her mind as needs demanded it.

But do not think her egotistical my witnesses. It was not merely Chloe who was targeted but another as well.

Marinette Dupain Cheng. A girl who has yet to be Akumatized, who holds a disdain for liars and seeks truth. Such an ideal recipe for an Akuma that could force Ladybug & Chat Noir into the light.

Thus it was, she'd be framed for cheating, theft and assault before her classmates by one Lila Rossi. Perhaps this would not convince you alone but I ask.

How did Hawk Moth know the class he has so often predated on, the class which contains Adrien Agrest, if he did not have a hand in this event?

This was not the first time Lila was used as such. Whispering sweet lies into Chloe's ears about how to summon Ladybug but leaving her humiliated instead.

Has she not done the same with others? Kagami for instances.

Decaying day by day, and nightmare by nightmare, Miracle Queen approached and this is where it all comes together.

Her feuding parents presenting with a garment both ugly and enraging that binds them together by a man who proclaims himself a designer.

An Akuma on the scene in mere moments, to combine them into one. The parents turned against the child enough to harm her yet again, but kept from devouring her. Finally, the Bee Signal sabotaged.

Why this family, why this girl even before the Miraculous? Who would know her well enough to orchestrate such targeted strikes against her psyche? What man has the motive, resources and insight to break Chloe Bourgeois?

Why its the same man whose beloved assistant fell ill at the same time as Mayura vanished from the field of battle. Its the same man who had a hand in the transformation of Style Queen & Heart Hunter. It is the same man who promised a desperate girl a movie, only to rip it away with a subtle smile. Knowing his Akuma would find her soon.

But he was not ready for me, or in a way, for her.

Chloe Bourgeois, the girl you knew, no longer exists. She had no desire to anymore, more than Hawk Moth saw to that.

What she did desire was to prove she was more than a Super Disaster and means by which to free her from the role long since assigned to her.

For the latter, came a Sentimonster not long for this world. Its power exorcising that malevolent miasma of Hawk Moth. But even as it was destroyed the creatures magic did as it was bid.

For his voice had gone silent, the rage faded and the Akuma was taken into more than this mere suit but into the skin, to course through her blood and bury itself in her marrow.

Now I emerge from the girl that was once Chloe Bourgeois with three purposes.

To tell the world of Gabriel's crimes, to defeat Hawk Moth, and be an exceptional Hero.

I am Chrysididae and for what its worth, I am sorry.

[linagram]

Thoughts on Aimi because you bringing up that she was muu kusunoki'd makes me think. Or rather the fact that she ended up guilty only when she "accepted" that she was bullied, while when she denied it she seemed innocent. Because I was one of the people who thought of her as innocent at first but ended up going with guilty in the last trial so I'm thinking of how I see it.

First, I think that it's a question of how much one has control or agency in a situation that involves bullying, or any power dynamics driven abuse for that matter. As long as Aimi denies the bullying, she can't be in control of anything in the situation — because she's not even aware of the situation in question. If we talk about muu kusunoki'ing, it's interesting that Muu tried to convey the same idea (the situation with bullying was completely out of her control, she's a perfect victim) through insisting that the situation existed and was horrible, while Aimi tried to do it through denying and sugarcoating it. I think generally speaking Aimi's method works even better to convey this idea. Because when the person acknowledges the abuse, our first question is, then why are you still there? We can easily assume that they decide to stay and participate in these dynamics and we see it as their responsibility to escape it. But Aimi doesn't even acknowledge, so someone else needs to save her from it.

Now onto my verdict:

I was unsure what to vote in the last trial because Aimi was really surrounded with so much violence that it's hard for me to blame her for using violence as well, especially that she's young. Her brother used violence to show "love" to her and likely, as an overcontrolling caretaker, got mad every time she did something that he didn't like, so naturally how would she know what is the normal way to show love, and that getting aggressive at people not behaving the way you want them to is not very healthy? Her classmates also decided to be hostile with her because she acted in the way they didn't like. She might have been aware of the bullying but I don't think she was aware of a world where violence doesn't exist, not in such an amount at least.

Initially, I thought that Aimi was bullied because she was just seen as a burden since she appears naive annoying and clueless, and that she was deceived into thinking this is how friendship works. She reminded me of Flowers for Algernon not because of the disability but because of the similar naivety.

I think she's right in bringing up that people switch opinions once they find that there's a "reason" for someone to be bullied or abused. Because of that I don't want my reason to decide she's guilty to be that I found what she was bullied for, so I started to think about it. I think the reason why I switched my opinion to guilty wasn't because she was aggressive and so "deserved" the bullying, or because she inflicted harm whatsoever, but because she never stopped inflicting it.

As much as it's complicated because again, if the person was always surrounded with violence then how are they going to learn that it's not the only way to like, interact with people at all. She's not the source or reason of the violence that is being inflicted on her, and it's not in her responsibility or power to stop other people's actions. Again I doubt she even considered that there are places in the world that are not so hostile.

However I do think that in the end it was Aimi's choice to stay in these dynamics with her classmates. Her brother is one thing, but I don't see a reason why she wouldn't be able to change schools. It's as if she insisted on being friends with *these people* in particular, maybe because they already rejected her that she was growing attached even more in a sense (wanting to "win" them, or take revenge for hurting her, or most likely both as it often happens). We didn't get a lot of information on her brother so I don't know, it might have as well turned the situation again if he insisted that they kill her classmates and if she doesn't go along with the plan or tries to sabotage it she will be punished, but I don't remember we got any implications of that. Just that he came up with it and she went along with it. So I suppose that she had a chance to stop it and just leave the environment of her classmates. I don't think that she was completely averse to the idea since she is already known to become aggressive at her classmates when they reject her so I think she wanted a chance to take revenge.

The way Aimi acts and wants to prove herself as a perfect victim, even denying the abuse so she for sure doesn't have to take any responsibility for escaping it, while I don't think it's done out of malicious intent, it does make me feel that it was sort of convenient for her to stay as a "victim". I don't mean that it was good for her or that she enjoyed it, I mean that burying herself in being a "victim" was a way to prove to herself that her pain matters, and that she will finally become likeable if she's innocent enough. But together with that she continued being the source of harm as well, the final of it being mass murder. Also the problem with proving yourself as a perfect victim is that you become blind to your own harm because victims aren't capable of harm.

So yes she's muu kusunoki'ing in the sense that she gets trapped in the power dynamics and continues to perpetuate them. In a way, she became an accomplice of her classmates. The mass murder makes it look especially bad because I think it's one thing to return the pain to those who harm you, or to harm as the only way to escape (so I consider her murder of her brother justified) but it's another thing to try and make these people to be completely gone when there are other ways to go out of the situation. Like girl stop latching onto those who already rejected you you're making it worse.

thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!!

when it comes to aimi's brother, he's simply a character that i just can't reveal much about bc of how some in-universe stuff works, so the audience only has the vds, mvs, and aimi's behind the sin vd to work with 😔 but his relationship with aimi is actually slightly different from what you suggested, he didn't really threaten to punish her, it was more like.. he taught her that violence is the only option, basically. or to be more exact, he said that she's just so nice and so special that she can do no wrong, so no matter what she does, it will always be valid and acceptable. 1) because he was that attached to her and he really did love her in his own way and 2) because they're two privileged rich kids who believe they're allowed to do anything they want. i think if aimi snapped and decided to kill a classmate (or classmates) herself, without any help, he wouldn't question it at all and would even be happy about it.

like here are some examples! the guy clearly believes aimi can do no wrong and that it's always been her classmates' fault.

and um. he's kinda wrong about that because aimi thought she was a "perfect victim" even before milgram! like she already said stuff like "why are they so mean to me, i'm not the one in the wrong"!

and it actually really is convenient for aimi to stay as a victim because you're right, it would actually be very easy for her to change schools! i really love this parallel between her and akio because akio mentioned before that he's currently attending an elite school, however, akio's financial situation is very different from aimi's and he actually feels like he can't change schools now because he's afraid of disappointing his parents who have worked hard to send him there.

meanwhile aimi could easily leave but. she was so angry because she thought she can become friends with literally anyone, so she stayed there until she could successfully buy everyone's friendship (and that worked only when she sent them to their death). the girl really just couldn't handle rejection 😭

[nothingtherefornow]

"Marinette doesn't have abusive parents, so her trauma is invalid" is honestly most braindead "double standard" in ML Fandom

Are people so foolish that they think trauma only comes from abusive parents and abusive family ? They should go watch the legend of Korra, where the heroin has good parents, but the end of season 3 and the season 4 did't hold back showing us that Korra still ended up traumatized from the hardships and fights that almost killed her and pushed her to her mental and physical limits.

If those ML braindead "fans" were less dumb , they would know that trauma comes from singular event that occurred in the past, and that the examples of such traumatic experiences or event go beyond parental abuse. For example : sexual assault, death of a spouse or child or a friend, accident, natural disaster or war, but also a distressing, repeated and prolonged harmfull experience like sexual or physical abuse, are all things that can give someone trauma

What Chloé did to Marinette was a form of mental and physical abuse, this is the very definition of what bullying can be.

I repeat : BULLYING IS A FORM OF ABUSE AND MANY PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE CAN BE TRAUMATIZED BY THIS !! AND MARINETTE WAS BULLIED FOR YEARS BY CHLOE !! AND SHE WAS ALSO SUBJECTED TO A REPEATED STRESSFULL AND HARMFULL EXPERIENCE IN THE FORM OF LILA TRYING TO RUIN HER REPUTATION AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH LIES !!

There was a lot of new about teenagers that commited suicide in my country because of school bullying, but judging by the parents' s reaction (including one saying she would never forgive those who pushed her daughter to suicide), most of those who commited suicide because of school bullying didn't come from abusive home or family.

Yet the bullying was brutal and hurtful enough to the point that the victims found no comfort in their families and preferred to put an end to their suffering. In the worst cases, victims of bullying don't even inform their parents about the bullying (many testimonies from the victims family confirmed that fact).

I have read and listened to testimonies of people who were victims of school bullying, and the problem was often that their parents just couldn't protect them when their children were at school and the parents at work.

No matter how much the parents would complain to the teachers, wherever they have gone directly to threaten the harassers and bullies, in many cases the bullies would continue their atrocities outside of the school, on social networks, or by going directly in front of the homes of their victims to insult them and tell them to go kill themselves, and since they are generally minors, the police rarely intervene (and often the parents of the harassers bullies are just as much trash as their children, the apple does not fall far from the apple tree they say)

And in cases where the victims manage to change school (which is unfortunately harder than it seems in France), the harassment and bullying starts again even in the new school, because unless the parents completely move out in another town, in the same city words spread by word of mouth and social networks, and when a victim tries to escape from their school abusers, the latter will not hesitate to encourage other bullies from other schools to take over and torment the victim that tries to escape from them (that's how fucked up some bullies are in the head).

In many of the testimonies I've read and listened to, the victims confirm that to the present day, they're either still affected by the bullying they went through, or needed a very long time before fully healing from this school trauma.

It doesn't matter that Marinette's parents are good loving and supportive parents, in the end they were powerless against the power Chloé was given by her father and which she used to manipulate even the teacher in her favor and into victim blaming Marinette. in the end, Tom and Sabine were never able to protect Marinette from bullying, and even though they are the exact opposite of abusive parents, the show showed us that they were not perfect, that they could be very passive even when their daugther is distressed and victim of terrible false accusations. Such passivity from people that you are supposed to look up for comfort and protection can only worsen the impact of the abusive you go through at bullies's hands.

For my part I was very lucky, my school took school bullying very seriously, so at the first sign of harassment against me, my parents (who are among among the greatest in the world in my humble opinion) pressured the principal so that it wouldn't happen again. As a result my teachers were on the lookout, and when I slapped a boy who spent his time making fun of me, I immediately informed my teacher who congratulated me outright and since then the boy and his friends no longer made fun of me. It also helped that my twin sister, who was in the same class as me, had a good reputation. Not all young victims of bullying are lucky enough to have had good teachers who don't blame the victims and who would be happy to punish the bullies or let the victims fight back.

Under's Chloé reign, Marinette's school adopted this terrible and horrifying habit of blaming the victims and let the bullies get away with their misdeeds.

And to those dear braindead fans I want to ask them ... have you forgotten about CHAT FREAKING BLANC ?!! About the fact that Marinette literally saw her beloved Paris destroyed, her beloved partner and friend lost to madness ? Have you forgotten that she saw HER OWN CORPSE TURN TO DUST ?!! AND DEAD PARISIANS TURNED INTO STONES LIKE PEOPLE WERE AFTER THE VOLCANIC ERUPTION THAT DESTROYED POMPEI ?!!

Are you telling me that such horrifying sights wouldn't have given you trauma had this happened to you in real life ?!!!

[mikeellee]

Fanon vs canon

Writing on my cellphone so...hm, bear with me. I've got experience in seeing the fandom cultures and know by now how popular fanon are regarded as canon even if they are against canon.

Sometimes I can partake in this. Especially if is about a character we like.

In MHA, its amazing how there few fanons that actually help Izu. Not saying it doesnt exist (people are free to still love and make dekusquad arts but well...Hori murder that for me) but in most the fanon is not helping Izu at all

"We need to explore quirkless discrimination"

Which many people dont want to admit how...quirkless discrimination is more "Izu being abused"

The fics with this tag...are usually the ones where Izu has to face extra shit "or you pau the rent or you die" situation. It's usually ONLY Izu who faces those situations.

Let me ask you smth: where was in canon quirkless being denied anythig? They can't be hero which ...makes sense. But show me quirkless being treated as less.

Let me ask smth else, if the whole concept of "people with strong quirk can do whatever" why this courtesy isnt offered to Izu? His quirk is powerful.

I tell you why...quirkless discrimination exists soley for Izu abuse. Am, while his past is still a mystery, doesnt seem a person who had a relatively happy childhood.

Izu was abused by BK not bc...he lack a quirk but bc BK is a sociopath. In his view, he thinks Izu looks down on him and that's it. Its his greenlight to make his life hell.

Fanon often shows Aldera as a hellhole where "we need to stone Izu, the quirkless" which makes 0 sense.

Like, if Aldera really has a massive hate boner with Izu for being quirkless...why Inko enroll her son there? I have issues with Inko but she does love Izu...so I find hard to believe she would enroll him in a "quirkless need to die" at all. Either she is evil or Aldera puts the best act in the world.

I go further and I think Aldera did healed Izu...when BK went after him. Again, not defending that school they have sins and should have consequences but like....I can see them healing the students (lets not forget bk's quirk could leave severe demages on Izu) unlike RG who is "if you dont stop breaking your bones...I will stop healing you"

Many fics put Aldera as a hellhole while put UA as the best....my ninja, my guy. UA is worse than Aldera. Aizawa is a bad teacher who has a wierd biases against Izu.

The Aldera senseis failed the students bc they let bk do whatever.

UA fails Izu and blames him. There's many criticism to read about Aizawa...the man shouldn't be a teacher...and also, no one points out but Aizawa is Hori stand in. Hori doesnt like Izu....

How and why Izu wants to be hero is unclear to this day.

"Why fanon sucks for Izu?"

Honestly, bc the mentality most have on Izu and his past is how....he has some blame. "He stalked bk" NO. He never did, it was the other way around. "He didnt train enough" he is training a lot, but Aizawa is not giving a fuck (he calls Izu lazy...like...huh?! And Izu saved him from Shig) and AM is suddenly too stupid to help. "He didnt ask help to his friends" WHAT FRIENDS? BC HE NEVER HAD ONE, HE DOES SEE CONIVENTS WITH BULLYING/ABUSE.

To conclude, canon and fanon in mha are equally bad in this story...bc most people seem to have a "victim blame" mentality towards Izu.

[tallysgreatestfan]

What seems strange to me as a queer autistic woman is how little protests are there for disability rights. Especially autistic rights.

Like yeah, autistic people are not the exact best demographic to go to protest marches, because of sensory issues and social organizing issues and stuff, but still. We are one percent of society, there should be at least some who are so pissed off that they organize protest marches to show that they are there and that they are a force to be reckoned with?

Like, you know, there are at least five or so queer rights marches and woman rights marches where I live every year, and this are just the ones I noticed, but I never in my entire life saw one single disability march. They do exist, but apparently only extremely rarely.

Maybe it is because the disability movement is years behind every other social justice movement and even otherwise progressive, often times marginalized left leaning people are ragingly ableist very often, as fandom painfully showed me?

Maybe because autistic people are so very disenfranchised and we are trained from birth, both by abusers (=bullies at school, because yes bullying is abuse, often also relatives) and often even therapist, that its our fault, that we are the ones who need to be fixed and that we are the ones who behave wrong and that we deserve it?

Here in Germany especially, despite how much I searched, there barely even seems to be any movement for accepting autistic people at all. All autistic people I know both online and in real life either refuse to engage with their autistic identity at all and know literally nothing about it because its more comfortable, or attack other autistic people over how dare they insist society even might be a little bit at the wrong and its might be not their fault, how dare you say you are not just not trying hard enough, you are taking blame away from yourself, you are just playing the victim!

It is so frustrating. I think big protests could really help the community, if just showing just how many we are and that we are there and will fight for our rights if nothing else - but it is just not going to happen. I am so close to trying to organize protests myself, but

a) I am extremely bad at planing and organizing

b) I have next to no social media following

and I just don't want to create an "protest" that is just three people and one dog showing up.

[m0oooon-presence]

''healing'' in the way that a lot of people talk about it always sounded like bullshit to me. The only thing I will ever acknowledge is that the way I treated innocent people who tried to get close to me while I was messed up in the head from all of the abuse I've been subjected to throughout my life was wrong.

But ''healing'' in the way that it's spoken about where they say things like ''don't let other people influence your emotions! nothing can hurt you if you don't let it! it's your job to 'get help'!'' are such lies. Most of the time ''getting help'' means being pathologized for normal trauma responses and getting drugged for it, drugs that permanently alter your brain structure. Not to mention that some of us have been ''getting help'' via psychiatric drugs and psychiatric gaslighting and psychiatric abuse since we were children.

it's not your fault if you feel like nothing or feel angry or feel unstable after being talked down to or berated or treated badly. That's a completely normal response to being subjected to mistreatment. All of that ''you choose how you feel!'' is bullshit when it's repeated continual abuse, because there's no time to heal during that period, which can be LIFELONG for some people. people thrive when they're nurtured and wilt when they aren't. that's just nature. it's such a victim blaming culture we have where if someone is struggling, to say that it's because they ''won't get help''

it's your responsibility to master yourself in the best way that you can with the tools you have available to you, but to say that ''it's your job to heal!'' when you're repeatedly abused over and over consistently, especially in the case of being in an abusive family is bullshit because there's no TIME to heal. This also often leads to you being in more abusive situations even if you manage to leave, whether it be from not being able to see the signs of abuse because it's been so normalized, or lack of funds so you have to stay with people who treat you badly. You control your own destiny to an extent, but not EVERYTHING is a CHOICE. People just say that to feel better about themselves and their own shitty lives. Collectivists always say things like community is everything and that individualism is bad, until you're fucked up. Then, it's ''YOU'RE fucked up, YOU'RE evil, it's YOUR job to heal'' it's bullshit

It's like that song ''institutionalized'' by Suicidal Tendencies that goes ''we decided that it would be in your best interest If we put you somewhere you could get the help that you need!'' and he responds with ''WE decided? MY best interest? How do YOU know what MY best interest is? How can YOU say what MY best interest is? What are you trying to say? I'M crazy? When I went to YOUR schools? YOUR churches? YOUR institutional learning facilities? So how can you say I'm crazy?''

''The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive. 'I don't understand this person, so they're crazy.' That's bullshit. These people are not crazy, they're strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick.''- Dave Chappelle

[thatclockworkdoll]

A post about unhelpful vagueness, and why blanket generalization hurts far more than ut helps

99% of the time it’s just Teh Juice At It Again, but also a non-zero amount of this is groups that aren’t just a nebulous they, but some group that is extremely easy to dehumanize for [shuffles notes] being more entangled with capital/imperialism than me.

You know what, I think I’m just gonna fan the hammer on examples, just because we *did* just talk about unhelpful vagueness:

- Most people who bought into NFTs, GameStop, and similar hype bubbles are some mixture of gambling addict and scam victim. They are hard to love at the best of times, but that is what keeps them locked in the cycle.

- It is very easy to believe dumb shit about AI. I wasn’t even immune, and had to get schooled on why AI drawings aren’t even good for rough drafts or inspiration. Most people are one or two missing pieces of the problem away from understanding why AI is not as good as they hoped. Speaking of which:

- “Is AI art even art” is a secondary battleground to problems about how they were built and what they’re built of, both in a user data sense and in a material sense. It’s the software equivalent of trying to mandate paper straws; you’re doing a slightly good thing, but the problem is a lot larger than just consumer usage.

- Cops are humans with the potential for noble ideals, can make morally driven judgements, and deserve basic human rights. They are your shithead cousin who votes for republicans but is otherwise a decent guy, but with legal authority and military hardware.

- People in the military aren’t categorically awful either. This is especially true in countries with mandatory service. This is also more true than not when America spends a lot of money advertising it and promises higher education and money for enlisting.

- People do not deserve to die for being in red states. People do not deserve to die for being in red states. People do not deserve to die for being in red states undergoing a natural disaster while the system does nothing for them, can you tell I’m still not over how people reacted to that big freeze in 2021

- If your politics do not support “white trash” the same way it supports other kinds of minority or forms of being unemployed, start over and try again.

- It’s not cute when you are being verbally racist to white people. You’re not funny. Yes I do know we’re talking about systemic issues at the moment, and what we actually mean by racism, but what you’re doing isn’t contributing to anything useful *or* comedic.

- It’s also not cute when you blame actions on being part of a majority (“straight people when”, “are the allos okay”, this general beat). Stop that.

- The best reaction to weird subcommunities on TikTok or whatever is to ignore the cringe stuff. Maybe if you’re lucky it’ll be the narcissism-to-Christian-fundamentalist pipeline, but that is not the majority of the time. People be weird.

- Kinks that are illegal in real life are fine as fiction.

- Kinks are fine in general, provided you actually know how to practice it ethically. RACK is an example of a guideline for doing so ethically.

- Furries are not all about zoophilia. The handful that are only want that as fiction. The fingerful of that handful are near-certainly joking, or are more in need of help than bullying.

- Treat the abuser with dignity too. Most of the time, abuse is perpetrated unwittingly.

- “Who’s the abuser here” is not a conversation you get to have about people you don’t know.

- The possibility of a victim lying isn’t zero. Fortunately this often comes to light very quickly.

- Pineapple on pizza slaps, y’all are just mean

[sideprince]

#REAL#HOW TF DO PEOPLE NOT HATE ON JAMES BC OF THIS

A lot of people - especially when they're young - don't understand that just because you don't see someone's reaction doesn't mean they don't have one. When a kid gets bullied, more often than not they'll do what they can to hide their most vulnerable reactions, which are also the ones that tend to elicit empathy. So onlookers will take the victim's reaction - usually anger - at face value and think that's the only relevant feeling the bullied person has.

Sometimes even if that vulnerable reaction is shown by a victim, onlookers don't know how to handle it. It's deeply uncomfortable to see someone in pain and shed tears; the onlookers' empathy can blocked by their discomfort. When people realize they've participated - even as a bystander - in cruelty against someone, their guilt makes them uncomfortable and if they aren't able to examine this reaction, they'll put up immediate defenses against it, which often include blaming the victim for making them feel this way. So even if the bullied person shows vulnerability, onlookers may prioritize their own need to self-soothe and become defensive instead of empathetic.

Snape is fictional. What happened to him wasn't real and he's set up as an unlikeable character. The goal of this scene was to make the reader question their perception of him as well as of James, but many readers are uncomfortable with that and push back. They might be defending their own feelings and experiences they've had seeing someone being bullied where they did nothing to help. Fiction is a way of processing real life experiences and pushing personal boundaries safely but some people aren't capable of doing that or just not ready to.

I wouldn't be surprised if a good chunk of Marauders stans are bullies themselves in real life and their fandom is an outlet to justify their abuse of others and affirm to themselves an alternate reality, which is necessary to validate their actions.

None of this is an excuse, just an explanation. Ultimately these reactions are self-centered and selfish, but part of growing from childhood into adulthood is to learn how to be less selfish and more empathetic. I think a lot of the people the previous tags are calling out are still in the midst of that process. It takes growth, which often comes with aging, for someone to perceive and check these reactions within themselves and learn in ways that change them. It's good to keep putting posts like this in fandom, because they force people to humanize someone whose humanity they dismissed, and doing this with a fictional character is less scary than in a real life situation, like at school. It also becomes easier for people to deal with this kind of bullying within themselves as their get older, because it becomes much less immediately relevant - it's childish, schoolkid behavior that isn't as aggressive among adults. People may be sharks in their line of work, but you wouldn't see someone pantsing a co-worker in their office. There's a switch that happens where, in middle or high school, bullying like this is scary and has power, but if someone tries to do it as an adult, they're the ones who look foolish and embarrass themselves. So we can assume that most of the people who don't find SWM jarring, or who defend it, are - like the people who act similarly in the book - still teenagers.

Can we just talk abt how humiliated, violated, and helpless snape must’ve felt when James used the jinx on him???? Like wtf poor sev

[sideprince]

Hi! 3, 13, 15, and 22 for the snape asks?

3. Do you consider Lily a good friend?

I don't think we know enough about Lily to consider her a good friend or otherwise (side eyeing JKR for all her flatly written female characters, but especially for throwing any hope of character development for Lily under the bus for the sake of the big reveal at the end of DH). What I do think of Lily is that when she and Snape were friends they were very young. They were only 15, maybe 16, when their friendship ended. You're still figuring out who you are at that age, and friendships often fall apart then. Sometimes they heal, sometimes they don't. I had two friendships come apart at the seams when I was 16; one never recovered, and the other did and ended up becoming stronger and we're still very close.

I think Lily didn't understand what Snape was dealing with at home and at school, and wouldn't have had the emotional intelligence to, at that age. That isn't to say 16 year olds aren't emotionally intelligent by any means! Rather that, at that age you're still learning about the world, about yourself, and if you haven't experienced abuse then it's really really hard to understand it. Even kids that age who are experiencing abuse don't really understand it yet. It takes years to process and really comprehend how abuse works, how and why it's insidious, and what it does to a person. It says a lot that before it was revealed on Pottermore that Snape's dad beat him with a belt, there were people who read about his dad shouting a lot and understood the allusion to abuse, and others who read it to mean his dad was just cranky.

Abuse gets downplayed easily and often, sometimes even by the people suffering from it. I don't think Lily had the ability to be the friend Snape needed; I don't think anyone did. And he certainly didn't know what he needed from a friend either. The two of them were also of an era when the understanding of a home life like Snape's wasn't, "that man is terrible, he hits his son" but rather "behave yourself and don't anger your father, you know how he gets." In other words, there was a lot more victim blaming. The same goes for being bullied at school, especially at a British school. The mantra was "keep your head down and don't let them know they're getting to you and maybe they'll leave you alone," whereas now the onus is on bullies to stop their behavior.

As little as we know about Lily, I don't think she was a bad friend to Snape, she just didn't know what he needed, or what danger he was in from radicalization. What we can infer from the books, though, is that she defended him to her friends for some time and stayed his friend even when her other friends tried to dissuade her, so there must have been a good amount of affection there. I think the anger we see her show him is more about a feeling of disappointment or betrayal than any kind of hatred. The way she stands up to James, even though it has an element of sexual tension between the two of them, also speaks to a fierce loyalty with which she defends her friend. It seems like there was probably tension between Lily and Snape by then, since he lashes out at her and their subsequent argument has a very "the last straw" vibe, but that loyalty, and the love underlying it, is there.

13. How do you think Snape treats his own House?

I think he treats them like every other Hogwarts teacher treats theirs. We're told by Harry in the books that he gives his house preferential treatment, and he hears this from one of the Weasley brothers when he arrives at Hogwarts, but we mostly see Snape give Malfoy preferential treatment, not his whole house. Even when he gives the Slytherins that note that they can use the Quidditch pitch to practice, it's because Malfoy is on the team. This can be for a number of reasons, but likely because of his personal relationship with Lucius Malfoy and the latter's extent of influence (which can go both ways - people like that can make your life much easier and more comfortable, but can also ruin it if you anger them, especially if they have direct power over you such as being on the board of governors of the school you teach at and having a personal relationship with high ranking government officials).

Giving his house team permission to practice on the pitch is also a much less consequential move than McGonagall bending school rules so Harry can play on his house team as a first year AND get a free broomstick (an expensive one at that, when the school has a set of brooms already that he could have borrowed - and we know from PoA that he could have just ordered one for himself). Snape doesn't hand out praise to Slytherins, he's just more likely to overlook their mistakes. But again, we see this through Harry's biased lens - and he's always in class with Neville, who melts so many cauldrons and explodes so many potions that he shouldn't be allowed into class without a fire extinguisher strapped to him.

Overall I think Snape is a generally strict teacher. As has been pointed out by others, he never awards points, he only deducts them, yet his house won the house cup for something like six years in a row before Harry came along. Every Hogwarts teacher favors their own house in one way or another, Snape is just cast in a bad light because our narrator is Harry and he sure is biased.

15. If he’d lived, how do you think he would have gone on with his life?

I answered this a few months ago apparently, here. Tl;dr he would have led a quiet life developing cures at St. Mungo's - it would have allowed him to indulge his intellectual curiosity, have status, and assuage his guilt since he would be helping people.

22. If someone put a gun to Snape’s head and told him to pick a favorite out of the Golden Trio, who do you think he’d pick?

Someone else just asked this one too! I answered it here.

[womenfrommars]

Lesbians don't generally experience potential domestic abuse, rape and murder within the couple, it's outside that this can happen BUT here's the thing: when not dating and even when in the closet we can be victimised. For example a 13 years old committed suicide recently because kids at his school were homophobic toward him, and usually straight ppl sense the fact that someone is same-sex attracted even when we're just kids. They sense it through our gender non conformity, which way more often than not a feature of us. I've been called a dyke in the streets without them knowing me, without knowing my sexual orientation, just random straight homophobic dudes. So even when not dating we are victims, even when in the closet we cannot blend in, cannot talk about our feelings and felt understood, it's like permanently living in a glass box and it's something straight people can understand. They didn't even touched the possibility of that life through socialisation like gay ppl know because of all the shit we were pressured to do, to pretend to be, etc. It's not comparable. It's the threats that must be pointed out, in the case of lesbians it's homophobes (outside the couple), in the case of straight and bi women it's men (inside the couple as well as outside but obviously it will be worst inside).

Either way entering a relationship (lesbian or heterosexual) increases the risk of facing violence. The whole point of the closet is that nobody knows you're gay. In many cases it's not even suspected because not all gay people are gender-nonconforming. It's a choice to conform to gender norms or not, and if you don't want people suspecting homosexuality, you'd probably conform more. But entering a public lesbian relationship makes it obvious to anyone, even if you're a very feminine woman. I could easily say lesbians just need to be feminine and single if they want to avoid homophobic violence but you'd see how that's insensitive to say because it puts the onus on the vulnerable instead of blaming violent and homophobic people

[donnabroadway]

Generational curses

When people think about breaking generational curses, they think about being the first to go to college, transcending social classes, being able to send your kids to top schools, having a successful marriage, avoiding pregnancy before a certain age, is not the only way to break generational curses. If you have been living under a rock for the last month or so you will see the mess that is playing out between the Scott sisters, their mother, Ms. G, and Xscape. All of this started because Tocha has been allowed to run amuck unchecked by her group mates, her family, her sister, and her mother. When the Mama pulled Latocha to the side after she was confronted by her sister about stealing money, the first thing she said was "she's jealous of you" and that told me all I needed to know. The divide between the sisters has been silently encouraged and stoked by their mother who probably secretly enjoys watching the sisters fight and wants to punish Tamika for staying close to their father, even after watching everything he put them through. Ms. G is a failed pick me and is angry because she did everything she was supposed to do and it still didn't work. She got married, had the kids, was the faithful and dutiful wife, even if he wasn't a faithful and dutiful husband, held down the household, supported her husband, turned a blind eye to the cheating, and it still wasn't enough. The church mothers, and maybe even her own mother and grandmother, told her that if she remained faithful and grateful to have a husband and as long as he took care of the bills, that one day he would stop cheating and be faithful to her, even if he was too old to enjoy life with. That didn't work. They ended up divorcing and another woman got her happily ever after. Oftentimes that is no one's fault, sometimes relationships end and people move on but she feels like the victim and everyone is going to learn about her sacrifices and how ungrateful he was. She is the victim. It doesn't matter how many people told her not to do it, how many times she willingly turned a blind eye to his cheating, how many times she had a hot meal ready for him when he came home after a late night at work, or how many outside babies she accepted and even helped raised, it still wasn't enough. The struggle love aficionados lied, it didn't matter how many haters they had, and you know the more haters you have the better it is supposed to work out for you, but it didn't. The problem with this is they don't channel their hurt into being better, doing better, or encouraging the next generation of women to be better, they pass on that trauma. Have you ever met siblings or even cousins that can't get along and have resentment and their reasonings don't make sense, such as Tocha saying the rift between her and her sister was due to a body shaming comment and disrespecting their mother when she was really mad that her sister wasn't bending to her wills like she always has and was siding with the enemy, it's usually generational trauma and resentment. I know cousins that don't get along and then I met their parents and their parents have underlying resentment and bitterness towards each other. I saw a tiktok that said many people blame their parents for problems and family trauma but fail to look at their grandparents, who they love so much and honestly are not the same person that raised their parent, as the source of the trauma. When I see someone who is dysfunctional, I often look at the tree. A good tree rarely bears rotten fruit. Too many people are sucked into vibes and aesthetics and ignore very obvious trauma and abuse because it looks nice on the outside. Abuse happens in mansions in the suburbs just like it happens in rowhomes in the hood, it's just that people who can afford to successfully fight the system, either with money or a phone call to a powerful family friend, are usually left alone by CPS.

The Braxton family has the same dynamic. The sisters couldn't get along with Traci because she stayed close to the father in spite of everything he did to the mother. It was not a coincidence or simply out of the sisters control that Traci had to leave the group after she got pregnant but Trina, who was also pregnant around the same time, got to stay. Mama Braxton put that divide amongst her children and she acts so shocked or she puts on a tough black mother act because she doesn't want the world to see her role in all of this. There is a reason why Tamar at her big age of 40 something was sitting around, rolling her neck, and acting like a petulant child and Mama Braxton only pretended to check her. As talented as Tamar is and as much of a strong personality that she has, there is a reason why she hasn't had a consistent check on a major network since being fired from The Real in 2016, and Tamar knows why she was fired. Tamar and Latocha are what Iyanla called a provocative victim. They agitate, annoy, demean, even do things but when they get called out, they become defensive or even turn on the "white women" tears and become victims to the person's reaction, which may seem out of proportion to what is immediately happening but is probably appropriate to years of unchecked provocation. Tamar and Latocha have been unchecked by their families and society and now that they are being held accountable, they want to pain themselves as the victim or cry Viola Davis snot bubble tears. We're not buying it, start at the beginning of the story and not at the middle where you are magically being attacked for no reason when we both know that is the case but both women have been able to bully their way through life and when it didn't work, they turned on their tears. Case in point, when K. Michelle called Tamar a Muppet and Tamar got on The Real and cried about bullying but if I recall correctly, didn't Tamar start with K. Michelle about a situation that had nothing to do with her? I don't even think they knew each other.

Getting back to generational curses and healing, y'all will do everything to make sure you and your kids look good and successful but go to therapy and heal their inner trauma. You have two very successful families, legendary families even, everyone lives in a decent sized home, married for decades but for some reason there is inner turmoil and strife and they cannot get along unless someone is a doormat or is willing to dull their shine and that is not cool. Before you strive to break generational curses, get into a therapist's chair and invest in your mental health and truly invest in the process and get a therapist who is willing to tell you when you're wrong and not just string you along while collecting your money because they need a certain amount of clients to stay in business. Truly invest in healing yourself before bringing another person into your life, marriage or children and you won't end up the bitter 60 year old woman causing division between your children and still mad at your ex husband for leaving you 40 years ago.

[sideprince]

This, thank you. Yes, I agree, James was awful and most of what we see of him in canon is a person I personally dislike, but he died when he was in his early 20s so these "James never changed" takes just feel like people trying to justify disliking him and don't hold water. He didn't get a chance to change so you can't really judge him for it, at least not fairly, because he was was so young. I also often get the sense that people feel a need to over-justify James' shittiness to prove he was a bully and was wrong to assault Snape. Which he was! But you don't have to justify that being reprehensible beyond the action that it is. "This character was a bully" and "this character didn't have an opportunity to change because they died young so we can't judge them in the same context as similar characters who did get to age more" are statements that can and do coexist. A person doesn't have to be an all-around terrible person to be abusive - in fact, most abusers aren't and it hurts victims when you assume so because it enables their abusers more.

The other thing that never seems to get taken into account is that James and Lily are written as having been at school in the 70s. In the UK. At what is ultimately a posh boarding school. British culture is cruel and classist, and things that are not socially acceptable now were very much so in the 70s and 80s. James is written as a pretty standard British posh asshole. In today's terms James sexually assaulted Snape, but in 1970s terms he had a laugh at another student who was a loser, which was expected of him as a child of his class and social standing at the school, and he wouldn't have been the first or the last do it (probably not even in his own year, let alone his time at school - and it's heavily implied that Mulciber and Avery were the same, just in a different house). It wasn't discouraged, and victims' perspectives weren't considered, because victim blaming wasn't even a term that was in widespread use yet. I don't condone any of this by the way, but I do think it's important to understand if you're interested in context and character metas. Rowling herself probably didn't write the SWM with the intention of revealing James to be a bully, but rather to reveal the difference between his and Snape's social standing and to show that Snape - like Harry before Hogwarts - was considered a weakling and loser by his peers while at school.

James isn't unusual in his cruelty and bullying, although I do think there's an interesting discussion to be had around Rowling's choices with how to write him and her own experiences of abuse that seem to be unprocessed based on how much abuse she weaves into the story without addressing characters' actions in any kind of meaningful or consequential way. At the same time, saying James was abusive to everyone in his life (ie. the takes that he must have abused Lily) show a profound misunderstand of abuse. I say this even though I think James as a character was, in large part, influenced by Jorge Arantes, Rowling's abusive first husband.

James bullied Snape because he was strange, awkward, and showed signs of being from a lower class than himself. By modern standards his bullying included sexual assault, and is deemed abuse. James felt he could do this because he dehumanized Snape. The idea that abusive people are bullies who treat everyone abusively is incorrect - in fact, abusers are often charming or even shy and reserved, and do their damage when no one is watching, to specific people close to them. Bullying is a form of abuse, but conflating it with domestic abuse is reductive and short sighted. School bullies actively want people to know that they're willing to wield their strength - they take pleasure in flaunting their abuse and feel empowered by it. Domestic abusers tend to hide their mistreatment and enforce the subsequent power over their victims through secrecy and gaslighting. This doesn't mean, however, that these kinds of people are incapable of love. In fact, many people are capable of both tremendous love and terrible hatred depending on who they're dealing with. There are countless letters home to loved ones from WWII written by people who missed their wives and children and loved them dearly - touching letters that are relatable to anyone who's been away from home. Many of them were written by Nazi camp guards and officials who talk about the people they helped mass murder as "shipments" that were "processed."

Please don't misunderstand, I'm not comparing James Potter to Nazis, however I do think it's important to recognize that more people have this duality than you might think, and just because James was an abusive bully to Snape doesn't mean he would abuse Lily - the fact he gave his life to buy her a few seconds to escape shows this. An abuser wouldn't put their victim first, because the basis of abuse is rooted in asserting a power dynamic in which the abuser has the upper hand. Which fits a character like James when faced with Snape, but not so much with Lily. So I agree with OP, their marriage would have been an unremarkable but likely content one if they'd survived the war. James was a run of the mill British posh boy and the implication that he only had eyes for Lily actually sets him apart from most of his ilk.

Do you think James and Lily's marriage would have lasted if the two survived the war? I've seen a lot of different versions of this, ranging from "they divorce within a couple of years because James is still the privileged pureblood asshole that he was in school" and "they have a genuinely strong marriage built off of mutual honor and love that would have survived and probably given Harry some siblings".

thank you very much for the ask, pal!

my opinion is quite boring - i think james and lily would have had a perfectly ordinary, perfectly unremarkable, perfectly happy marriage, which may very well have resulted in more children.

broadly, this is because i think a lot of the "james and lily would never have lasted" takes are just cope from fans who dislike jily as a pairing either because they don't like james and don't want to see lily with him or because they prefer him with a non-canon partner.

while marrying your teenage sweetheart and expecting the relationship to last would probably be considered quite unusual in the real-world context in which most readers live, it's clearly the norm in the wizarding world. almost every heterosexual couple we meet in the pre-epilogue canon got married when one or both of them was still a teenager - tonks and lupin are the only definite exception. james and lily would exist, then, in a context where their experience was considered entirely standard - and this would give them things like a social circle at a similar life stage which would make sustaining their relationship easier.

particularly because james and lily do genuinely like each other. while we don't see very much of them in canon - since their roles in the story are to be fragments, never seen or known in any significant way, as an illustration of what was taken from harry [and sirius, and remus] by voldemort - it's apparent even in their few scenes together that they are sincerely compatible.

[and mutually interested in each other - i'm afraid that "james forced lily into a relationship" or "james would never change from who he was at sixteen and so they'd break up" takes really don't hold water. she likes him when he's sixteen! he doesn't need to deceive her! i don't actually think she'd have regarded it as evidence of some horrifying deficiency of character that he continued bullying snape without her knowledge!]

harry's great tragedy is that he's someone who longs for a completely average life - it's his greatest desire! the thing he sees in the mirror of erised! - but has this ordinariness stolen from him when voldemort makes him the boy who lived. james and lily surviving allows him to have that.

although that's obviously nowhere near as interesting as what actually happens....