#So now I got marble balls of them next to each other ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

[sol-dial]

Currently screaming because I was texting a close friend and I mentioned briefly Avengers Assemble (show) after rambling about Hawkeye

AND AHHH MY FRIEND!! HE!! He said he loved Avengers Assemble too!! He said it was a slice of life and YEEES :D

Sobbing and screaming because I need to determine if he likes it like an average fan or is he like me, where this show has a soul crushing grip on my very soul o_o

[yerimacoustic]

𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 ♡ hoshi x reader

❝ 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙙𝙤 𝙞𝙨 𝙧𝙪𝙣 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙚𝙨𝙘𝙖𝙥𝙚 ❞ 𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪

summary : reuniting with old friends can prove to be more complicated than expected, especially when one unexpectedly reveals himself to be a courtier and your love for each other only grew stronger during your separation .

content warnings : courtier!hoshi x servant!female reader, royalty au, regency au, fantasy au, childhood friends to lovers, opposites attract trope, secret dating trope, reader and hoshi are in the twenties, swearing, angst, fluff, LOTS of kissing, extensive lore, kind of a near death encounter, some corruption in the royal court, featuring other members of seventeen & the boyz as well as seulgi and gahyun . not proofread . 17.3k wc .

notes : this is in the same universe as my joshua fic, for the first time, and my jeonghan au, more than expected . i am SO excited about this one, ngl, i started writing it like right after i published jeonghan’s. stay tuned for a possible part 2 of his btw 👀 once again, this is a work of fiction, there’s characters making bad decisions and it doesn’t reflect on how i feel about any of the idols in real life. hope you enjoy!!

after the newly crowned king and queen returned from their honeymoon, news spread throughout the palace that they wished to throw a ball. the rest of the staff, while weary of throwing such a lavish party after a nice week to themselves, followed through with the couple’s request and promptly started planning it. invitations were sent out to royals, meals were planned, and the decorating preparations had already begun. 

as much as you loved working during the parties and experiencing what you could of the extravagance and glamour, obviously you hated setting everything up in the ballroom and taking it down the next day. at least during the actual ball you were able to enjoy the music, admire everyone’s beautiful dresses, maybe sneak a plate of delicious food out to the balcony.. 

luckily you weren’t the only one that shared this sentiment. you and your best friend, seulgi, shared an unfortunate hobby of gossiping whenever you got the chance to clean the same room together. and today you were tasked with cleaning the ballroom before setting up the decorations and fetching the finest porcelain.

while she started stripping the dark red drapes off of the large windows to replace them with gold ones, you scrubbed the floor almost mindlessly. she called out to you and boldly stepped onto the tall ladder, “so…how do you think the honeymoon went?”

you snickered, staring at your reflection on the wet marble floor for a moment. you were always weary about gossiping with her in the spacious ballroom, considering the echoes.. “obviously pretty well, if they’re planning a ball the day after their return.” 

seulgi snickered, “good point.” she let the large drapes fall to the floor, resulting in clouds of dusting forming in the air. luckily she’d grown accustomed to the discomfort and didn’t let out so much as a tiny sneeze. “i heard that prince juyeon and prince jaehyun were invited. they’re so handsome, don’t you think?” 

you shrugged while scrubbing at a few particularly nasty dark scuffs on the marble. “i suppose. although, after hearing all about the ‘swoonworthy juyeon’ i think i’ve become desensitized to the notion of a handsome prince swooping in to save the day.”

“fine, more for me then,” seulgi chuckled and began hanging up the sheer, gold drapes that shone so beautifully in the sunlight. she would have stopped to admire her work if she wasn’t determined to get it all over with. “you’re probably more excited to eavesdrop on the nobles’ conversations, anyways.”

your cheeks heated up at her well-intended teasing. “only so we can enjoy these moments together. now keep your voice down, i thought i heard footsteps outside.” 

seulgi smirked to herself before following through with your request.. at least for a few more minutes. once all of the windows were adorned with beautifully crafted golden curtains, she knelt down next to you under the guise of helping you clean the floor. “have you heard why they might be throwing the ball?”

once you dipped the rag into the bucket of soapy water, your friend promptly snatched it out of your hands. you let out a short scoff in protest, your efforts of stealing it back from her proving to be fruitless.. “seulgi, i’m trying to-”

unfortunately, your best friend had a very contagious laughter and it wasn’t too long before giggles filled the ballroom, echoing off the walls. “someone said it's probably because they’re expecti-”

the door clicked open and you bit your tongue to prevent a shriek from escaping your lips. seulgi dropped the rag and you promptly picked it up, scrubbing the floor with as much efficiency as you could muster in the moment. seulgi panicked and rushed towards the pile of dirty curtains across the room, making it just in time for the king and his steward to walk in.

“oh good,” seungkwan beamed. “the two of you are making great time.”

you nodded and rose to your feet, stumbling over them as you curtsied. “your highness.” seulgi mirrored your actions, smiling in the young king’s direction. 

jeonghan nodded politely towards you both, his eyes scanning the spacious room before him. there was a distinct twinkle within his dark irises and something told you that it had nothing to do with the clean space before him.. “i’ll say. thank you both, the queen and i appreciate your efforts.”

you had to hold back a chuckle; honestly the two of you hadn’t gotten much work done yet. something about jeonghan’s heightened cheerfulness was suspicious. maybe seulgi’s theory had a hint of truth to it.. “thank you, your majesty,” you told him politely.

“don’t forget to display the finest porcelain sets. i’m sure we have something that matches the curtains perfectly,” jeonghan added just before turning his back on the two of you. 

“of course,” seulgi nodded. although, the two of you were confused; normally jeonghan couldn’t be bothered to be so involved in something as trivial as party planning. but he seemed so joyful with his request; it was..odd, to say the least. then again, maybe you were overthinking it.. 

seungkwan followed closely behind jeonghan, though he made an effort to look at the two of you with comically raised eyebrows just before shutting the door. your heart sank as suspicion clouded your mind; had the two of them heard everything? seulgi, however, took the opposite approach and ran to you, grabbing your hand. 

“see? i was right,” she beamed.

you laughed incredulously, though you couldn’t bring yourself to push seulgi’s hand away. “how can we know anything from barely even a five minute encounter?” 

seulgi snickered, “come on, y/n. there’s no denying that things are looking up around here again. have a little faith.”

“maybe.” another chuckle fell from your lips before your gaze fell to the newly polished floor, where distinct footprints in the water had already begun to trail towards the door. on any other occasion, you would’ve fought back a remark of annoyance, but something about seulgi’s words prevented you from even formulating one.  

—--------------

the ballroom was possibly the most crowded it had ever been the night of the party. it was difficult to make your rounds throughout the room while feeling forced to carry the tray full of champagne flutes so close to your chest. the last thing you wanted was to drop the expensive glass all over the floor; the results could have been catastrophic even without such a large crowd surrounding you.

you recognized a few of the guests, namely a few that had attended several of the family’s past parties. prince juyeon was in attendance, of course, turning several heads from the moment he entered the palace. princess yoohyeon, who looked as stunning as ever, walked along the dance floor with the utmost grace and poise. the atmosphere was bright and cheerful, as per usual, but something about this night seemed different from the rest. you couldn’t put your finger on it. 

after the tray was nearly empty and you felt deserving of a break, you crossed to the back of the room. seulgi and gahyun stood with their backs against the wall, their emptied trays displayed on one of the nearest tables. you sighed heavily upon setting yours down and ensuring the flutes were secure, “what a turnout.”

“you’re telling me,” gahyun snickered. you followed her gaze to the crowd ahead until you, too, caught a glance of the queen. gahyun always seemed to be on her guard in case the queen needed anything. almost to a fault, actually. even as she took five minutes for herself, her figure appeared to be quite stiff.

seulgi said nothing, a small smile tugging at the one corner of her lips as she gazed at the couples near the center of the room. she even shifted her weight from one foot to the other on occasion, vaguely appearing to sway to the music. not that you could blame her, of course.

“what are you three doing?” a hushed voice from your left reprimanded. you were startled to say the least, jolted off of the wall before you whipped your head back to see sangyeon with a distasteful expression. 

you were the first to apologize, your expression much too sincere for seulgi’s liking. “sorry. we were just-”

“it’s impossible to move out there,” seulgi interjected while making no attempt to disguise her annoyance. “everyone’s shoulder to shoulder, i’m surprised they’re even able to breathe!”

sangyeon clearly had no interest in entertaining seulgi’s complaint. he simply shook his head, his dark hair slightly bouncing with the movement. “even so, you’ve been tasked with accommodating our guests to the best of your ability. now, move along.”

the three of you shared a reluctant glance before refilling your trays. before you could follow the two girls to the dance floor, however, sangyeon called out to you in his characteristically gentle tone, “not you. they require libations in the library.”

the library?

“yes, sangyeon.” with a dismissive nod, you took your time exiting the ballroom and searching for the library. the orchestra’s beautiful music muffled the further you stepped into the hallway and was promptly replaced by much quieter conversations behind the heavy library doors. 

as expected, the guests seemed more excited at the notion of the drinks’ arrival than yours. most of the glasses were gone before you’d taken more than five steps into the room. you made your rounds regardless, stealing a few quick glances at the card tables. you might have been more compelled to watch a round or two if you had any interest in poker.

seated on the plush red furniture near the corner of the room was a small group of men, a few of them standing and effectively concealing the back of an armchair. you cleared your throat before plucking up the courage to approach them, timidly standing behind a few of the much taller men. “champagne, anyone?”

perhaps the tallest duo of the group, wonwoo and mingyu, turned to face you and relieved you of a glass. the way they moved in perfect synchronization was almost alarming… then someone sitting with their back towards you slapped his own knees rather dramatically before he braced off of his chair, stepping through the awkward space between sofas to stand in front of you.

the man’s hand froze near one of the glasses once the two of you made eye contact, however, a flustered expression taking over his features. somehow, you spoke before he could, your tone low but bewildered. “soonyoung…?”

“oh my..” he paused, his eyes growing wide as saucers before you could even blink. suddenly, it dawned on him. “y/n?? is it really you??”

“yes,” you laughed incredulously, the tray in your hands briefly shaking with the impact. “yes it’s really me.”

soonyoung beamed and you could have sworn it lit up the entire room. “i- this is ludicrous! what are you doing here?? how have i never seen you in the palace??”

you shrugged, minding the flutes in your hands, and bashfully replied, “not very observant.. i guess?”     

he laughed, flashing another infectious smile. until that moment, you’d never fully realized just how much you’d missed his energetic grins. “well i guess not. i’ve been with the royal court for, uh- almost a full year now. i think. what a shame.”

“on the bright side, now we both know to keep an eye out for each other,” you offered with a tilt of your head. 

while you kept his colleagues and friends behind him in mind and spoke in a low, almost timid tone, he seemed to forget all about them. not that it surprised you, of course; conventional propriety wasn’t always his strong suit. “you’re exactly right,” he nodded rather quickly. “wow. it’s been too long. you’ve changed so much! your hair’s so much longer now.”

you chuckled to yourself, looking down at the uniform you wore strictly for special occasions within the palace walls. even your finest rags couldn’t compare to soonyoung’s beautifully crafted robes; if anything, he was the one who’d changed. 

but for some reason, you had a feeling soonyoung spoke with such heartfelt honesty when he complimented you. just as he always did. “you look..” you paused, just before giving your oldest friend the same treatment. “pretty much exactly the same.”

he laughed once again, startling one of the men behind him. a distinct shiver rushed down your spine when his hand briefly made contact with your elbow, the fleeting contact bringing heat to your cheeks. “i hope that’s a good thing. listen.. why don’t we catch up? i’m in line for the next round of poker, would you play with me?”

you parted your lips just moments before your gaze fell to the table and a crushing realization hit you. “as..tempting as that sounds,” you faced him with an apologetic smile. “i really should get back to work.”

soonyoung nodded immediately in understanding, the disappointment disappearing from his irises in the blink of an eye. “right. right, yeah of course. i’ll see you around. don’t be a stranger, alright?”  

“of course. i’ll keep an eye out for you around the castle,” you promised, albeit a little emptily. the chances of mingling with soonyoung as you so often used to were low, you knew that well.

even so.. the smile that he bid you goodbye with was just too charming to ignore. he really hadn’t changed.

—----------------------------------------------

your reunion with soonyoung put a spring in your step, even hours after the party had died down and you were stuck in the kitchen, cleaning all of the dishes. seulgi joined you not too long after disposing of the table scraps and gathering the remaining champagne flutes. “what a night,” she sighed loudly, her shoulder brushing against yours as she began to assist you in cleaning. 

“where’s gahyun?” you asked.

“she’s with her majesty,” she replied emotionlessly. “it would’ve been nice to have at least one more person in here.”

“never mind that, i’m glad it’s just the two of us,” you beamed, keeping a low tone as you spoke. “can..i confide in you?”   

seulgi’s hand briefly came to a stop, her plate only halfway dried. she didn’t have to say too much to convey her intrigue upon hearing your words. “always.”

you grinned, admiring your friend’s penchant for gossip. maybe it was out of bashfulness or determination to get all of your work done, but you barely looked up from the dirty sink water as you spoke. “i..reunited with someone today.”

her eyebrows shot up. it took her a moment to follow in your footsteps and continue drying the dishes. “with who?”

“this..old friend i had,” you started. “his name’s soonyoung. he’s in the royal court.”

“the royal court?” she repeated incredulously. “you mean to tell me you’ve been friends with someone in the royal court all this time and have only just now realized?” 

you shrugged again, laughing quietly at the absurdity of it all. “neither of us could really believe it either.”

“well,” she stopped wiping the porcelain in favor of leaning against the countertop with her arms folded across her chest. she stared at you in a concentrative gaze, clearly invested now. “tell me more about this soonyoung.”

you paused, a short chuckle leaving your lips and signalling your confusion. “what would you have me tell you?”

seulgi let out a dramatic groan of annoyance before swatting lightly at your elbow, which you knew was all in good fun. “come on, everything! the beginning is always a great place to start, you know.”

against your better judgement, you stopped working in favor of mirroring her position and leaning against the sink. stealing a quick glance out the kitchen window, you realized just how late it must have been.. and yet you didn’t even feel tired. with that being said, it took everything to disguise the excitement in your voice as you spoke,

“well.. my mother raised me near the river, it’s quite far from here. one day i was skating on the ice, trying to see all of the rocks shining brightly on the streambed several feet below. i was kneeling near the center of the river, horrible idea i know, when suddenly a boy with spiky hair and a red scarf stumbles next to me without any skates on and asks why i’m staring at the ice. as it turned out, his mother and mine were inside sewing together after having just met. and..as they spent more time together, so did soonyoung and i.

“we did everything together. for almost our entire childhood, we were inseparable. then.. one day, he came into a great fortune. his uncle left him his estate, his money- everything. he and his mother moved far away not long after that. it.. hurt. really, really badly. he was my best friend. but i got over it eventually.” 

seulgi nodded and offered you a sad, sympathetic smile. it was hardly necessary in your mind, of course. “well.. you’re together now,” she finally spoke after a moment of silence, as if she was contemplating the beautifully tragic story of yours. “you have the perfect opportunity to rekindle your relationship.”

you nodded with the same dismissive air you held near soonyoung just hours earlier. you had unfortunately learned a long time ago not to get your hopes up, lest they be dashed in almost every instance imaginable. the mere fact that the two of you had taken this long to reunite, after only being separated by a few walls and staircases, told you everything you needed to know: too much had changed. the difference in either of your social standings was much more distinguishable. 

“i suppose you’re right.” you broke away from the sink, placing stacks upon stacks of saucers, plates and cups in their respective spots in the cupboards. seulgi, noticing your deflection, said nothing and followed in your footsteps. she didn’t have to say anything to convey her persistence, however- you were certain this wasn’t the last time you would hear from her concerning the matter of kwon soonyoung. 

—---------------

meetings with the other courtiers, more often than not, had the tendency to drag on much longer than was necessary. after the king and queen returned from their honeymoon, soonyoung fully expected the meetings to be extended much longer, much to his chagrin. they had a lot of ground to cover, seeing that the monarchs had obviously been unable to attend a lot of informative meetings. 

on any other given occasion, soonyoung would have forced himself to almost perform to the best of his ability. he would have put his head down and powered through all of his paperwork, the speeches and seemingly endless debates, smiled and nodded with the guise of pretending to know what everyone else was talking about. but..that day he simply felt that his heart wasn’t in it. 

he sat in his assigned seat, sandwiched between wonwoo and mingyu, with his shoulders hunched over in a less than courteous countenance and his chin lowered. he’d almost brushed all of the barbs of his feathered quill seemingly dipped in a pool of amethyst into a satisfying pattern before a loud cough near his ear startled him. he whipped his head up, immediately face to face with jihoon. 

the highest official of the royal court, although being a much kinder man outside of the great hall, intimidated soonyoung more than the latter would have liked to admit. he stood before the pew with an expectant look, the all too familiar look of annoyance in his eyes. “anything to add, soonyoung?” 

soonyoung looked slowly to his colleagues on the left with wide, somewhat pleading eyes, and then to the right. when it became clear that no one was to jump into the treacherous waters and save him, he faced jihoon with a sheepish grin, “oh..yes. yes, absolutely. we should-” he paused, expertly flipping through the stacks of parchment before reading from the expert cursive, “introduce the court to the land proposition-”

jihoon pulled away with a heavy sigh, which was as deliberate as it was short lived. soonyoung knew all too well it was the best he could do to keep the lid on the cauldron before everything boiled over and made a mess. mingyu, having to disguise an ill-timed snicker as a cough, promptly elbowed soonyoung in the side and muttered, “well done.”

“thanks,” soonyoung replied hastily. 

“soonyoung-” jihoon started in a much louder tone, startling the man and prompting him to sit in a proper position. he pulled out a larger piece of parchment and the entire court stared in intrigue at the charcoal drawing of what appeared to be a gem, an unmistakable aura emulating from the stone. it looked so familiar… “do you know what these are?” 

soonyoung racked his brain, a hum of concentration falling from his lips. “um..no, i can’t say i do.”

jihoon didn’t appear surprised or even somewhat fazed by his words. he started, “these are moonstones. legend has it that they contain a very powerful magic and anyone who is in possession of them is gifted with extraordinary abilities.” he paused, turning to the king and queen. “we need to find them. your highness, imagine the possibilities-”

jeonghan finally spoke, raising an eyebrow. “and what exactly do you propose?”

“we need to find them by the next full moon,” jihoon explained. “if anyone knew what power we possessed, wh-”

jeonghan cut him off in an effortless, cool tone with a seemingly bored countenance. “they wouldn’t be able to say no to trading or alliances?” he paused, shaking his head, but would not outwardly showcase his disappointment. “by using force, essentially.. that is not how you make allies or friends, for that matter, jihoon. we wouldn’t be respected, we would be feared.”

wonwoo rose to his feet, his shoulder brushing against soonyoung’s with the movement. “i’m sure jihoon has the best intentions, your highness. we need to face the facts.. our kingdom isn’t what it used to be. land management is in a rapid decline, morale is at an all time low.. we need more capital.”

“we’ll find another way,” jeonghan stated lowly, seemingly unbothered. “let’s move on.”

soonyoung could only watch the scene play out before him with an incredulous expression. he’d witnessed many arguments within the great hall, both courteous and otherwise… something told him that the stakes had since been raised. maybe he’d chosen the wrong day to pay less attention (or frankly, no attention at all) during a parliament meeting. 

something etched at his heart, something he wouldn’t soon forget. it resembled.. hopelessness. there were plenty of days where he found himself questioning his capability in his inherited position as a courtier.. suddenly, he was wishing for this day to be over.   

his wish came true within the hour; although, he remained seated as the sound of lazy footsteps and rustling papers echoed through the air. he ignored a haughty remark from mingyu, who departed from the great hall in a timely manner with wonwoo practically attached at his hip. soonyoung returned to his slumped seated position, his chin falling into his palm. 

what just happened..? 

he must have voiced his confusion out loud, for the tiniest chuckle sounded from the furthest corner in the room. he tilted his head to see you standing with a feather duster in one hand and a bucket of soapy water in the other. suddenly..he felt lighter than air. he straightened out his shoulders with a broad smile, feeling as if he could have flown off of his seat.

he ignored your apologetic remark, chuckling happily, “fancy seeing you here.”

you walked towards him with timid steps, keeping your eyes peeled for any intruders as you approached the pews. you spoke with such a quiet, soft voice that made soonyoung’s heart flutter, “it’s normally yunjin cleaning this room after the meetings. something came up so i took on all of her work.”

soonyoung’s eyes narrowed, “so you’re doing twice as much work today?” you nodded, unintentionally pulling a sigh of forlorn from him. “absolutely shameful. this should not be allowed.”

you laughed quietly, very quietly, at his effortlessly comedic tone. “her mother’s fallen ill,” you explained. “i did what anyone else would have done.”

“yes, but no one else did. that’s what matters,” soonyoung looked up to you with a dazzling smile, one that you hadn’t forgotten even since you’d been forced apart. one that you’d missed so terribly. “you work so hard. do you get a break any time soon?”

you shook your head without an ounce of self pity, “no.”

his smile quickly faded, his eyebrows furrowed. “no??”  

you laughed again, just barely louder this time, as you still held onto the fear that anyone could walk in and interrupt the two of you. “really- i don’t mind it so much. it keeps my mind off things.”

soonyoung tilted his head, pondering your words and seemingly placing himself in your shoes. truthfully, he wished he could have some sort of outlet to escape his own thoughts, even if it was something as boring as cleaning. “in that case..can i help you?” he asked.

you paused, scoffing without any malice. “you’re serious?” when he, without any hesitation, nodded, you scoffed again. “you don’t have anywhere to go?”

“i do,” he shrugged. “but i’d rather be with you.”

you paused, his words, his tone, the look in his eyes that further cemented the genuineness in his words, all of it echoing in your mind until it grew fuzzy. you must have looked like an idiot, standing as stiff as a board with your softened gaze. “uh-” you started, looking down at your hands. “i only have one rag-”

“that’s fine.” without so much as a warning he plucked the rag from your hands and stepping off of the pew, dropping to his knees and landing near your feet. he needed no invitation, no command, to start scrubbing the cracks in the tile. for a moment you could only stand still in disbelief, watching him make no attempt to prevent his beautiful robes from getting dirty.  

he cleaned the floor with such deliberation, his arms practically a blur as he scrubbed in hurried back and forth motions. after snapping out of your amused bewilderment, you approached the thrones and began to swat at the tiny cobwebs with the feather duster. for a moment, both of you cleaned in silence, merely enjoying each other’s company under less than ideal circumstances. 

you kept to yourself for a moment, trying to stay out of his way for more than one reason. a glance would be sent towards the large door across the room now and then, the fear of being caught with someone above your station firmly planted in the front of your mind. it was bad enough for the two of you to be caught in such casual conversation, it was another thing entirely to be cleaning together.

once he reached the center of the floor, he took a break in favor of wiping dramatically at his brow. his loud sigh of exhaustion filled the room, prompting you to snicker. “wow. i don’t know how you do this all day,” he remarked before bending over the floor once again. 

you paused, biting back a smile while letting the feathers dance across the large window of stained glass. shadows of blue and pink danced across the floor and even soonyoung’s figure. “you get used to it, i suppose,” you shrugged. “but it might help if you didn’t move your arms so aggressively.”

he snickered, stopping his ministrations immediately. “right.. well, how do you do it?”

you glanced back towards the window, which was clean enough by your standards, and stepped towards him. after crouching down onto your aching knees, you watched him dip the rag into the warm water and wring it out a few times for good measure before placing his hand flat upon the floor again. “like this-” 

casting all of your fears and judgements to the side, you placed your palm above his, both your fingers just barely lacing while prompting his hand to move a bit softer along the tile. the two of you moved the rag in smooth, circular motions for a moment before soonyoung stopped dead in his tracks, keeping his hand firmly in place. you parted your lips, about to protest before lifting your head up to see him staring with a helpless smile.

it took him a moment to compose himself, gather his thoughts, finding your eyes to be just too magnetizing. “sorry,” he snickered loudly, though it didn’t startle you in the slightest.

“why are you apologizing?” you asked quietly. 

“i’m probably not making your work go by any faster,” he spoke in a much slower tone than you were used to hearing from him. 

“oh,” you chuckled with your realization, taking a look behind you at the wet floor, then in front of you, towards the surfaces that had yet to be cleaned. yet.. somehow you felt no ounce of dread. “i’m in good company. i can’t really complain.” you mentally berated yourself for allowing such a risky statement to leave your lips. as great as your company was, it wasn’t allowed. the two of you knew that well, there was no sense voicing your anxieties to him.   

however, if soonyoung had any anxieties, they were nowhere to be seen. he moved his free hand to brush through a lock of your hair, effectively tucking it behind your ear and keeping it out of your line of vision. as if that action wasn’t enough to prompt butterflies to take flight in your stomach, he beamed, “i’ve always loved your hair.”

you sat on your knees, still as a statue, as a flustered smile tugged at your lips. he must have noticed your lack of composition, for he laughed, the beautiful sound filling the air of the otherwise achingly quiet room. “i’ve always loved yours,” you tilted your head towards the messy dark strands in question, chuckling.

“really?” he let out another laugh, one you found infectious. it wasn’t long before the two of you were sharing hushed giggles and you found yourself leaning into him. as your cheek made brief contact with his shoulder, you came to realize that his robes were much softer than you’d imagined. spun from the finest silk, no doubt.

“really,” you repeated through a short chuckle, composing yourself enough to break apart from him and meet his gaze again. you watched him part his lips, and somehow you knew he was just dying to tell you something but wasn’t equipped with the right words to do so. before you could prompt him to go on, say whatever was on his mind without any consequence, a loud, unexpected click echoed across the room. 

just as you stumbled away from him and snatched the rag from his hands, jihoon exclaimed, “soonyoung! what is the meaning of this?”

soonyoung was quick to rise to his feet and dust off his dark robes. “i was just hel-”

“no excuses,” his voice boomed. you didn’t dare to pull your gaze away from the floor as you scrubbed the tile like you never had before, moving much more efficiently towards the other side of the room. if you had to guess, he was glaring daggers at the other man. “show some refinement. the others are waiting for you in the library.”

the library… oh god. soonyoung awkwardly shuffled towards his seat, hurriedly grabbing his notes and quill. he was, at the very least, grateful that he’d screwed the bottle of ink shut before lifting it off the table. “oh- yeah, my apologies. i’ll be right there.”

jihoon, however, did not leave the room as the two of you had expected him to. soonyoung clenched his jaw and mentally cursed; he’d wished for the opportunity to apologize to you, maybe ask if he could see you again.. but there was no chance for him to do so. perhaps jihoon had made sure of that. instead, he could only mouth an apology to you before stumbling towards his superior, who motioned him promptly out of the room.

once the loud click sounded through the room once more, you halted your scrubbing. there was no way of knowing what jihoon suspected you of doing. for whatever reason, that was much more terrifying than knowing what the highest official of the royal court, the man with more influence and power than you could ever dream of possessing, had in store.

—-------------------------------

soonyoung had known fully well what was so urgent in the library that jihoon had bursted through the door to drag him towards the room in question. although something deep within him knew that these secret meetings were less than ideal, less than legal, perhaps, he couldn’t bring himself to protest. therefore, jihoon kept a stern grip on his arm as he led him through the wide hallway. 

“frankly, i don’t see what all the fuss is about,” he argued in a casual tone. “the king and queen have turned in for the night. why can’t we?”

“it’s not even dinner time yet, soonyoung,” jihoon bit back, the annoyance in his voice practically tangible. “shall i purchase you a pocketwatch?” 

soonyoung shrugged, as if to sincerely compliment the man’s offer. “may actually do me well.” he paused, offering jihoon a sheepish grin. “look.. i’m sorry. i forgot.”

jihoon pressed his lips to a thin line, allowing a sigh to escape from his nostrils. “don’t apologize. just pay attention in this next meeting, i beg of you.” 

soonyoung furrowed his eyebrows, taking offense from the other man’s words. “what?? i do pay attention.”

jihoon snickered, “keep telling yourself that.”

although the library was one of the more spacious rooms in the palace, the members of the court were packed inside like sardines. they whispered amongst each other, breaking apart in a comedic fashion once soonyoung pushed the door open. their subject of conversation wasn’t lost on soonyoung; he knew fully well they were talking about him. but he didn’t care.

soonyoung’s colleagues were not the only ones enjoying the spacious library while making sure to keep quiet. a few men that he didn’t recognize were scattered throughout the room, examining the royals’ impressive collection of books. he furrowed his eyebrows- this was definitely new. “jihoon-” he started. “who’s-”

“now we can finally get started,” jihoon announced, standing before everyone in the room with an effortlessly confident and authoritative air. “i wanted to introduce sunwoo, eric, and younghoon. they’re from the western kingdom. and- well, you already know prince juyeon.”

what in the world.. 

“we appreciate you taking the time to meet with us,” jihoon stated, plastering a quick, somewhat manufactured smile of gratitude upon his lips. he pulled out the same drawing of the moonstone he’d displayed just an hour earlier and soonyoung’s mind went fuzzy. “according to legend…”

soonyoung furrowed his eyebrows, feeling as if he could wilt like a dying flower. he had always looked up to jihoon. he’d always admired his drive, his dedication. but somehow.. somehow he’d found a way to rid himself of all his good intentions and allow brashness and arrogance to take over. it felt untoward. it felt corrupt. 

what prompted the sickening feeling in his stomach was the fact that none of his colleagues, none of the men he considered friends, batted an eye. truthfully, for a time, neither had soonyoung, himself. in his defense, every secret meeting before this one seemed so innocent.

“i don’t understand,” prince juyeon spoke, pulling soonyoung out of his daze. for a moment, he held onto the smallest light of hope, suspecting the prince of being just as skeptical. his hopes were soon dashed when the prince sat more comfortably upon the plush red chair, his chin falling to his palm before he spoke, “you would risk going behind your king’s back, putting all your faith, all your kingdom’s resources, towards a mere legend? towards hearsay?” 

“that’s exactly why we’re not using all of the kingdom’s resources to find these relics.” jihoon turned around, facing soonyoung with an expectant glance. “soonyoung will go. alone.”

“what?!” not for the first time that day, soonyoung wished he’d elected to pay more attention. to put his best foot forward, to put his head down and power through the inconvenience of a work meeting. really, to put on a performance.    

mingyu chimed in from the back of the room, a slightly malicious scoff leaving his lips, “you’re the director of land management, are you not? you should know the kingdom better than anyone.”

“but-” soonyoung started, his gaze shifting towards every direction in the room until he caught another glance of the stupid drawing in jihoon’s hand. once again, he was met with a strange feeling of familiarity.. he could have sworn he’d seen those strange looking rocks before. surely he would have remembered if he’d come across an apparently all powerful stone before, right? “jihoon- i can’t.”

the man in question furrowed his eyebrows, the worst form of disappointment within his countenance. “and why ever not?”

“it’s..” he paused, taking a look around the room once more in desperate search for a hand. for anyone, anyone, even his new supposed ‘friends’ from the other kingdom to chime in and agree with him. for anyone other than himself to provide a much needed voice of reason. but it never happened. “it’s..wrong. we can’t just go behind jeonghan’s back like this. don’t you think his kingdom’s already been met with enough scandals?”

jihoon seemed temporarily amused by his words. “jeonghan is.. inexperienced. if you remember, soonyoung, he wasn’t even supposed to lead.” he turned around, facing the only portrait of the entire royal family left in the castle. the eldest sister in question sat next to jeonghan with a warm smile; even a replica of her expression lit up the room. “he doesn’t know what’s best for the kingdom. i think that much is becoming increasingly clear.”

soonyoung scoffed, disbelief taking over his features. “be that as it may, he’s still the king. he still has authority over you.”

“and i still have authority over you,” jihoon stated calmly. “i think you, of all people, should be wary of keeping inexperienced voices silent.”

the aching in soonyoung’s heart returned, jihoon’s harsh words striking a tender chord. while he had not always voiced his insecurities that came with inheriting his uncle’s place in the royal court, he believed that his actions spoke louder than words more often than not. to hear such berating words come from someone that he considered a good friend startled him more than potential consequences for treason.

which was worse? betraying the king who’d always shown him respect, or betraying his direct superior, who perhaps, held even more authority over him? who had much more influence over him, his very way of living?

“so then it’s settled,” jihoon finally stated, his gaze breaking away from soonyoung. “once soonyoung finds a generous amount of the gems, prince juyeon and his entourage are entitled to half the capital.”

“half?” wonwoo asked incredulously. “half? it’s soonyoung doing all the work. i say they get a third.”

younghoon, the man who presumably held a similar position to jihoon, snorted, “do you want the reinforcements or not?” such a short but deliberate statement on the other man’s behalf forced soonyoung to gulp, the queasy sensation in his stomach returning. 

reinforcements?

—-----------------------

as much as you loved working with seulgi, there were plenty of times you enjoyed cleaning in silence. sometimes it was quite relaxing to work on your own, to get lost in your thoughts and even hum a quiet tune while tidying the second and third floor of the palace to perfection. more often than not, being alone allowed you to get all of your chores done in a much more timely manner.

you sat on the balcony, cross legged, with your back against the cold bricks of the castle. you released a deep breath you’d seemed to be holding throughout the entire day, staring at the gray clouds above you. they stirred within their positions in the sky, as if to settle comfortably after a long day, just as you were doing.  

while staring at your palms, you imagined the presence of soonyoung’s hands below them, the feeling practically imprinted within your skin after several days. you ached for another fleeting encounter with him, even just a quick look into his warm, friendly eyes or a brush of his hand against yours. he possessed every thought of yours throughout the day, his laugh and his smile echoed throughout your mind.. 

you had no other way to describe these feelings besides intense, restless, awfully embarrassing yearning. but for what? that was the million dollar question, it seemed.

footsteps sounded behind the french doors and for a moment, you wondered if seulgi had finally found you. however, you were quickly proved wrong when the man of the hour stepped onto the balcony, his eyes immediately finding yours as an apologetic frown surfaced. “oh, i’m sorry-”

“no,” you protested a little too quickly. “it’s alright, i was just leaving.”

he watched as you rose to your feet, brushing the dust off of your skirts, and his gaze immediately softened, “no, please- you don’t have to go.” before you could protest, however, he chuckled, “actually, i would love someone to talk to right now.”

you looked towards the large doors, clouded by thick curtains on the other side of the windows. at least if anyone would think to look for either of you on the third level of the palace, the fabric was thick enough to cover your shadows. and it was getting dark out.. “alright.” with a small chuckle, you sat on the ground and returned to your comfortable position once more.

soonyoung sat next to you, right next to you, his shoulder and knee pressing against yours as he leaned back against the wall with a heavy sigh. he sat with his legs crossed, staring up at the clouds as if to search intently for any compelling patterns. after a pause of silence, he chuckled, “this is just like old times, isn’t it?”

you chuckled soon after, briefly remembering a summer where the two of you spent the majority of your shared time laying on the grass, staring up at the sky and trying to find patterns within the clouds. “mhm,” you hummed. 

“oh, look! that one’s a teddy bear,” he remarked, pointing towards the graying cloud in question. another chuckle escaped from your lips; he was right, the stormcloud vaguely resembled a stuffed animal. “really nice..”

“indeed,” you chuckled again, unsure of what else to say. inwardly, you berated yourself again- why was it so difficult speaking with him? “sorry..if i got you in trouble the other day.”

he was quick to brush off your apology, shaking his head. “don’t worry about it. you didn’t know.”

you nodded stiffly. of course, you had no way of knowing for certain that jihoon would burst through the door.. but you had your suspicions. as you always did. “you didn’t..get in too much trouble with him, did you?”

“oh. no, don’t even worry about it,” he waved his hand dismissively, snickering soon after. “even jihoon can’t stay mad at me for that long. everything’s fine, i promise.”

you smiled to yourself; honestly, you weren’t sure how anyone could stay mad at soonyoung for too long. not that you would voice that out loud.. “well..i’m glad to hear it.” a sigh fell from your lips before you looked down at your lap and began to tug at a loose thread on your skirt. you needed a new dress, that much was for certain.. but the last thing you wanted was to risk misplacing any funds you worked so hard for.

soonyoung smiled to himself, his gaze shifting to your hands. he soon remembered how it felt holding onto them and wished he could pluck up the courage to take them in his own. instead, he let his arms relax lazily by his sides as he watched you play with the threads of your worn dress. “i have a proposition for you.”

you lifted up your chin to meet his gaze, finding his lips too close to your own for comfort. “and what would that be?” 

he made no effort to break away from you, however, clearly enjoying the nonexistent space between the two of you. hope rang throughout his voice as he beamed, clearly trying to contain his excitement, “there’s a fair coming to town once the snow melts. we should go together.”       

for a moment, your heart swelled upon hearing his invitation. an outing with soonyoung, after far too much time apart, sounded absolutely heavenly. then..why were you hesitating? “oh..soonyoung-” you paused, prompting the man to the edge of his seat, so to speak. you hated to shut him down, even with such a gentle tone, “i’m..not so sure that’s a good idea.”

“why ever not?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed as his voice laced with sympathy. clearly, he wasn’t taking much offense by your words; in fact, it seemed more like he was saddened by the melancholy within your own voice. 

“i-” you started, swallowing heavily. “i just don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression.”  

he laughed, albeit a bit sadly. but he continued, “how do you mean?”

you furrowed your eyebrows, your heart shattering as you struggled to grapple with the gravity of your own words. you kept your tone low, afraid of executing them terribly, “it’s just..you’re a courtier. i’m a servant. we..shouldn’t even be in the same room together, unless-” you stopped yourself, hoping he could deduce the rest.

“but we’re friends!” he stated, hoping to cheer you up with his familiar crooked smile. “we have been for a long time. i don’t think status should change that.”

“yes, but-” you paused, once again staring down at your lap in embarrassment. even if it was soonyoung staring at the small holes forming in your skirt, you were horrified. especially when he was the spitting image of royalty sitting next to you. “none of them know that.”

“do you want me to tell them?” he teased, nudging your shoulder with his own. 

you chuckled, much to your own dismay, and briefly decided to humor him. “if you really want to.”

“i do.” after finally finding the courage within himself, he carefully lifted your hand off your knee in favor of grasping gently onto your palm. he allowed your joined hands to rest near his own knee, allowing you one more feel for his achingly soft robes.. “i want everyone to know how important you are to me.”

your heart fluttered upon hearing his words. he knew all the right words to say to make you feel flustered, discomposed, even, years later. “actually-” you started, your chest already stiffening with the difficult confession. “i think.. i think it would be better if-”

“shhh…” he snickered, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. as much as you fought it, you couldn’t prevent a smile from twisting at your lips. “can we just- forget about all of them for a moment?”

“very well,” you sighed in defeat, allowing yourself to rest your head upon his shoulder. in less than a breath, his cheek rested gently upon the top of your head and his eyes were shut. you wished you were able to relax as quickly as he could; your chest felt stiff and your eyes refused to shut completely for even a moment. you remembered all too well how sick you felt when jihoon walked in on your perfectly innocent encounter..

you envied soonyoung, for he seemed to forget all about the negative and scary aspects of it. he focused only on the way you made him feel, the way you brought him comfort when he needed it the most. he didn’t seem fazed by the fact someone could walk out there at any given moment. but that was how the two of you had always been: soonyoung, zestful and fearless, and you, quiet and level-headed.

the clouds darkened above the two of you, but neither of you stirred. it felt melancholic, the way the two of you sat underneath the storming sky in quiet and unbothered contemplation. even when the snow began to fall, soonyoung only snickered and tilted his head up towards the sky again. “i’ve missed the snow.”  

“me too,” you admitted. “i remember when we’d go ice skating-”

“and make snow angels,” he finished, excitement filling his tone one more as he lifted his head from yours. 

you lifted your head from his shoulder, your eyes soon finding his. “i can’t believe you remembered that.” 

“of course i remembered,” he snickered. “i remembered everything.” once again, the fact that he could laugh as if he hadn’t delivered one of the most beautiful, heartfelt sentiments just moments before astounded you. “i remember your snow angels were always so much more beautiful than mine. somehow.” 

you nodded, returning the quiet laugh, “there’s a technique to it.”

“and yet you never taught it to me.”

“there’s still time,” you whispered, unable and unwilling to hold yourself back from doing so. you knew better than to feel so hopeful..still. whether it was to reassure yourself or soonyoung, you weren’t entirely sure. but you tried to stop overthinking it the moment you saw the look of pure adoration in his eyes.

the delicate snowflakes fell in such a beautiful coordinated dance around the two of you. one fell on his shoulder, allowing you a peek of the crystalized detailing before it melted away. soonyoung laughed softly in amusement as they fell into your hair, nearly covering the strands before promptly dissolving. you snickered as the powdery flakes gave his messy hair the same treatment and moved a timid hand to brush some of them away. 

he moved a hand to cup your shoulder, making no attempt to swat your hand away from his hair, however. neither of you spoke, staring helplessly at each other through the peaceful snowfall. he leaned in slowly, you did the same, and before you could catch your breath his lips were on yours. he was gentle but assertive. he kissed you with confidence; he knew what he’d wanted from the moment he reunited with you. and of course, you moved your lips with his in a softspoken but self-assured dance. suddenly it was as if all of your worries and hesitancy had melted away.

you were the first to pull away, your lips only a breath away from his once you found the courage to do so. there was so much you wanted to tell him about how you’d missed him terribly, how you never truly forgot about the way he made you feel.. yet it all remained on the tip of your tongue.

he opted to speak first, sliding his palm to rest upon the back of your neck and play with any strand of hair he could reach. “as you may have already guessed..” he started, chuckling in disbelief; there was no way this wasn’t a dream. “i haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

he must have noticed your confusion, the way your eyebrows briefly knitted together, for he merely beamed. “it’s barely been a few days,” you spoke in your overfamiliar rational tone. 

“you know what i mean.” he scrunched up his nose, effectively pulling another small laugh from your lips. “ever since i left so long ago. i wish i could’ve snuck you in one of my suitcases.”

you snickered, briefly bowing your head. the thought had crossed your mind multiple times, in a sense. “i’ve missed you too,” you spoke lowly, though you wished you could speak as freely as soonyoung had always been able to. “so so much.”

“well…” with his index finger placed delicately underneath your chin, he silently prompted you to face him. you thought it was perhaps the most you’d ever seen soonyoung act so..reserved. “i don’t know about you, but i plan on making the most of our time together.”

once again, you were met with the visceral feeling of your hesitancy melting away. you nodded in agreement, “great minds really do think alike.” before he could let out a full laugh, your lips were on his. this kiss was much different from the last, the two of you pouring out every sentiment and emotion you’d been forced to keep to yourself for too long. the secrecy remained..but at least the two of you could revel in it together. 

he chased your lips in desperation, trying his best not to let his smile grow too wide and disrupt the kiss. after stealing a few more quick pecks he pulled away to smile fondly towards you and allow you to catch your breath. in that moment when your eyes met, soonyoung’s completely dazed and flushed, you realized…you were completely and utterly fucked.

—--------------------

you were assigned to work with seulgi the night of the impromptu dinner party, waiting near the furthest wall should any of the attendees need anything else. the two of you stood with your hands folded in front of you, staring straight ahead with neutral expressions. it was difficult not to eavesdrop on the conversation playing out in front of you while pretending to be unbothered. something about land management, storage methods for the winter.. 

of course, it was all lost on you every time your gaze landed on soonyoung. you could tell, even from afar, that he was doing his best to focus on the task at hand..whatever that may be. only every now and then would he steal a quick, unnoticeable glance towards the back of the room and send you a smile that barely reached his eyes. you were proud of him, all things considered.  

the weeks that passed by were possibly the happiest of your life. stolen glances in the hallway, secret kisses in hidden corridors of the castle, a few handwritten notes stuffed under your bedroom door.. it was beautiful. it was terribly romantic. every moment you spent apart from him, you found yourself counting down the seconds until you could see him again.   

you told no one about your secret courtship, not even seulgi. soonyoung kept the secret too, even if he was reluctant to do so. he felt so giddy, so lightheaded every time he saw you.. he had to tell someone about it. anyone. but..your comfort was more important to him. it seemed like a fair sacrifice to make. 

seulgi eventually leaned closer to you and whispered, “what do you suppose any of this means?”     

“no idea,” you chuckled under your breath. even if whatever they were talking about did concern you, which it didn’t, you couldn’t bother to focus your attention on anything else but the raven-haired man across the room. he felt so close, yet so far. you craved a moment alone with him…

“i’m surprised gahyun’s not here,” seulgi whispered, once again pulling you out of your love-struck daze. however, you nodded all the same, under the guise of being invested in the conversation with her. “i bet she’s exhausted. she works so hard; she barely gets any sleep.”

you nodded before confessing lowly, “i feel guilty. and i’m not sure why.”

seulgi shrugged, staring mindlessly at the table straight ahead. “you shouldn’t. she’s been watching over the queen for a few years now.. i’m not so sure why she’s so highly strung about it.”

“i wouldn’t say she’s highly strung,” you countered lowly and tilted your chin towards the floor to avoid soonyoung’s gaze. you tried to bite back a smile, hiding it from seulgi and anyone else that may have looked over towards you. 

“you know i mean well.”

the two of you fell silent for the entirety of the party and eventually, the attendees rose to their feet and collectively began to depart from the room. soonyoung lingered in the room for a moment, his intense gaze finding yours as he expertly slipped a piece of paper under his plate. he practically skipped away to join his colleagues, leaving you and seulgi to clean up after them.

you quickly opted to clean the side of the table soonyoung had been sitting on. once your friend was properly distracted, muttering to herself about how late it was, you grabbed the tiny piece of paper and slipped it into your pocket. “at least they cleaned after themselves decently enough,” you chimed in. 

“decently enough, at least,” she repeated your words with a snicker before leading you to the kitchen. the tiny slip of paper buried within your apron felt like a rock, weighing down on you and serving as a constant reminder of who you were dying to see. as if yearning for a moment with him alone wasn’t enough, now the curiosity of what he’d written was eating you alive. 

the two of you had worked together long enough to find a steady rhythm, finishing the dishes in a timely manner. and when her back was turned and she placed the last few stacks in the cupboards, you stole a quick look at the note soonyoung had given you, which read: “meet me in your room tonight. i’ll be waiting. <3” 

the two of you walked down the hall in silence, as not to disturb any of the other servants. you were grateful that at the very least, seulgi slept at the opposite end of the hallway from you. after the two of you finally shared your goodnights, you slipped through the tiny crack in your bedroom door, for fear of anyone seeing the unwelcomed figure in your private quarters.

you smiled brightly as you locked the door behind you and greeted the man sitting politely on your bed with a quiet laugh. “sorry,” you whispered. “cleaning took a bit longer than expected.”

“don’t worry about it.” he rose to his feet, allowing you a closer look at the three boxes stacked upon your bed. three plain, clean boxes, two large and one small. before you could ask him about them, he stood before you with his hands practically glued to your waist and pressed his lips onto yours in a quick but passionate kiss. he chuckled into your mouth, “god, that was torture.”  

you chuckled soon after, your own timid hands soon finding purchase near the collar of his dress shirt. “tell me about it.” you chased his lips with your own when he laughed a little too loudly for comfort, even during his best efforts to keep his voice down. but you, grinning dumbly, couldn’t stay mad at him for too long. “shhh.” 

your efforts to shut him up proved to be successful. soon after he let out a low hum, he got lost in the slow, deep kiss you shared and carefully slid his hands up your body until they rested upon your jawline. his lips molded with yours until he remembered what was laying on the bed and broke the kiss, excitement in his eyes. “i got you some presents.”

“i can see that.” the two of you had grown accustomed to whispering during any time you had together. it had become almost an intimate, personal language only the two of you spoke, even if it was difficult, more often than not, for soonyoung not to raise his voice another octave. “what are they?” 

“why don’t you open them and find out?” soonyoung snickered, the sound briefly startling you, and he took both of your hands in his before prompting you to sit alongside him on the bed. he beamed, unable to contain his excitement (or his secrets, for that matter), before grabbing the box on the bottom of the pile and placing it in your lap. 

you smiled to yourself, biting back a chuckle, before lifting the lid off of the box as quietly as you were able. the rustling of the parchment paper made you cringe inwardly, soon being replaced by an unmistakable warmth within your heart. a plain brown dress was folded neatly underneath thin, wrinkled paper- probably one of the most comfortable-looking dresses you’d seen in your life.

“you needed a new uniform,” he explained, his voice barely above a whisper. he smiled with beautiful sentimentality once you looked over to him, an incredulous look in your eyes. he lowered his tone again, “that’s nothing. look in the other ones.”

after pushing the opened box aside, soonyoung picked up the other large one and promptly placed it in your lap. you were more cautious opening this one, making sure the parchment paper didn’t crinkle so loudly this time. another dress was folded carefully inside, this one a beautiful cream color with tiny black flowers stitched into the fabric. 

“for the fair,” he explained again before linking his arm around your waist. his hold was firm, confident.. but gentle as always. “i hope you have a good coat, by the way.”

you chuckled, ignoring the hesitance to the best of your ability and pushing it to the back of your mind. the two of you could figure out the logistics of a public outing later. “i have one.. it’s decent enough,” you whispered. 

“good,” he chuckled, his chin resting atop your shoulder. you felt him smile even brighter, his furthest hand squeezing your hip. “c’mon, open the next one. this one’s the best.” you chuckled helplessly upon realizing that outwardly, at least, the man appeared to be far more excited about the gifts than you were. 

within the smallest box lay a pair of brand new ice skates, the sharp blades shining brightly in the moonlight. you pressed a hand to your chest upon feeling a distinct sort of aching.. your heart felt heavy with adoration and gratitude. for a moment, you could only stare at the skates in awe. “you..you…”

soonyoung paused, as if to hear you out. try as you might, you could barely muster anything beyond a quiet yet heartfelt expression of gratitude. he wrapped his other arm around your center, pulling you in for a tight embrace. “i have to go on this..excursion for the court. it’s a whole ordeal. i thought you could come with me. we could stop by the lake, it should still be frozen over.”

the more soonyoung spoke, the more he tugged feverishly at your heartstrings. your heart nearly lept out of your chest at the thought of running away with him, even for just a day or two. “i.. i still have so many chores to catch up on-” you admitted lowly, avoiding his gaze. you hated to see him upset, especially knowing your words had any part in it. 

but soonyoung was nothing if not persistent. he wrapped his arms even tighter around your figure, nearly enough to knock the breath out of your lungs. not that you would ever protest, of course. “i’ll make it worth your while, i swear. i can tell sangyeon you’re sick. i can help you complete your chores this weekend.”

“soonyoung-”

“come on, we can cross that bridge when we get to it,” he pleaded, fighting everything inside him telling him to raise his voice. “please?”

you knew it was a terrible idea. if anyone saw you leaving the palace at the same time.. they would most definitely be able to draw conclusions on their own. it was already risky taking time off for yourself; asking for the day off was never really a simple ordeal. but the look in soonyoung’s eyes, his piercing, expressive eyes, was almost enough to assure you things would work in both your and his favor. 

we can cross that bridge when we get to it. 

you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, doing your best to hug him with as much compression and strength as you could muster. he quickly returned the favor, having to silence his laughs by giggling into the area where your neck and shoulder met. “i know you’ll make it worth my while,” you told him once he’d calmed down. 

“is that a yes?” he perked up, lifting his chin to look in your eyes, as if the answer lay within your irises.

“...it’s not a no.”

he smiled breathlessly before leaning in to kiss you again. and again. and again.. every time his lips met yours, you could feel his need. his gentle insistence. it never failed to bring a smile to your lips; something about the way he kissed you and muttered sweet nothings was so addicting. “thank you,” he paused his pecks, whispering. “thank you.”

“don’t thank me yet,” you chuckled against his lips, soon placing your palm flat on his chest. “now you must go, or you’ll be late for your meeting in the morning.” 

soonyoung’s face coiled and you knew he wanted to groan out his protest. loudly, at that. “i wish i could just sleep in here. your bed’s so comfortable.”

you snickered, knowing your mattress was probably the last surface anyone would want to spend the night on, if they could help it. it was firm, tough, and it barely offered any comfort after a restless day. just another testament to soonyoung’s unfailing kindness towards you. “i know. but won’t it raise some eyebrows? a courtier sneaking out of the servant hall early in the morning?” 

he frowned, his nose scrunching up at the movement. “why do you always have to be so wise?”

“i ask myself the same thing everyday.” you cupped both of his cheeks, pressing a firm kiss against his lips before reluctantly moving off the bed. soonyoung followed, his eyes glued to you as he silently followed you towards the door.

“until tomorrow,” he sighed, disappointment etched within his features.

“you can spend a few hours without me,” you whispered in his ear once he’d brought you in for another warm embrace. your arms inevitably found their way around his neck as you clung onto him like your life depended on it. 

“no i can’tttt.” you snickered at the way soonyoung managed to whine in such a low tone. “it’s torturous. i wish you could just come everywhere with me.”

you sighed, “i know.” another chuckle fell from your lips once your chin fell upon his shoulder, this one somewhat sadder than the last. as much as your secret meetings, whispered conversations and forbidden kisses excited you, more often than not, you wished it was simpler between the two of you. part of it was so exhausting... “go on. you need your sleep.” 

reluctantly, soonyoung broke out of the embrace to cup your chin between his thumb and index finger. “very well. i’ll leave a word with sangyeon first thing in the morning.” 

“wh-” before you could formulate your question, soonyoung pressed his lips against yours in a hasty kiss and promptly rushed out the door. you stood dumbfounded, but lovestruck, all the same. 

soonyoung, however, felt as if a beauty symphony rang throughout the hallway. he smiled dumbly to himself, scarcely managing to keep his wits about him as he hurried out of the servants’ corridor. he held his chin high, for with the dreaded feeling of your absence came the excitement of reuniting with you.

now just how could he steal sangyeon away from his work and…

“soonyoung.” a voice, much too smooth and calculated, sounded once he’d reached the end of the hallway. his heart fell to his stomach and he could have sworn that his soul left his body once jihoon stood before him, appearing to be alarmingly..calm. 

“good god, jihoon, what the hell was that for?” he demanded, clutching at his dress shirt. his fist dragged along his own chest in circular motions, a vain attempt at soothing his racing heart.

jihoon barely flinched upon hearing his otherwise startling tone. “i know what you’re doing,” he stated somewhat matter-of-factly. 

just then, soonyoung felt the blood drain from his face, most likely following the path of his heavy heart, as he jumped to the worst possible conclusion. he gulped, “you..you do?” as jihoon seemingly paused for dramatic effect, he had to ask himself how it was possible for things to take such an intense turn from perfection in such a short amount of time.

suddenly jihoon nodded and soonyoung wasn’t sure if he should feel relieved that he was finally speaking up. “yes, i do.” he crossed in front of him, his arms folded tight across his chest. “you’ve been shirking your duties. why is that, i wonder?”

soonyoung looked past the man’s shoulder and surveyed the rest of the main floor, as if plotting his escape. really, his goal was to avoid eye contact. “it’s..cold. i’ve been trying to gather all the right supplies.”

“are you sure you’re not just trying to prolong the inevitable?” he raised an eyebrow smugly.

he scoffed, “no, i’m just trying to avoid getting hypothermia or pneumonia, thank you very much.”

this time, jihoon took a page out of the older man’s book and took a quick look at their surroundings. the palace was deadly silent; under any other circumstance, soonyoung wouldn’t have found it so eerie. then he spoke in a low tone, “if you play your cards right, you may never have to worry about getting sick ever again.”

soonyoung took a step backwards, nearly stumbling. he wanted to argue. he wanted to counter him with age-old questions, ‘how do you know that?’ or ‘if whatever you’re talking about is so great, why can’t you procure it yourself?’ instead he settled for a stiffened nod and a forced grin, “i’m leaving around noon tomorrow.”

jihoon smiled, though it barely reached his eyes. “good.” 

biting back a sigh of exhaustion, he pushed past jihoon and began to cross to the large exit door. freedom from the darkened hallways and overbearing colleagues was so close he could almost taste it. but when his superior’s cool voice ran through the hall again, calling his name, he screwed his eyes shut. “...yes?”

“you’d do well not to be so negligent from now on.” a pause, as if allowing soonyoung to shake off the chill that had run down his spine. “good night.”

—-----------------

on any other given day, getting out of the palace wouldn’t have been a problem. however, getting out of the palace under the guise of taking a sick day and trying not to be seen with soonyoung was an entirely different story. donned with the warmest dress and largest cloak you owned, you snuck throughout the halls and outside the servant’s entrance, avoiding eye contact with several colleagues in the process. 

you were relieved to see an empty path before you once met with the frigid winter air. soonyoung had given up trying to convince you to meet him near the hidden entrance of the palace once he realized neither of you should be willing to take the risk of being caught. in the distance, however, you could have sworn you saw a string of bright red amidst the snow-covered trees.. his scarf. after a quick, precautionary look behind your shoulder, you were on your way to chase the blur of scarlet.

he stepped out of his less than effective hiding spot the moment he heard the snow crunching at your feet. his cheeks were flushed to a deep shade of red, however, something told you the icy winds had no part in it. “took you long enough,” he teased. “i thought i was gonna freeze to death if i waited a second longer.”

you pressed a lingering kiss against his cheek in favor of an apology. his gloved hands soon found yours and effectively prompted you to walk alongside him. “what are they doing, forcing you to go on an excursion this time of year, anyways?” even in your largest cloak, the cold was so difficult to ignore; you could only hope soonyoung wasn’t suffering as you were.

he shrugged dismissively. “just surveilling some of the unmanaged land around the kingdom.”

“they expect you to examine all of it in a day? in the wintertime, nonetheless?” you asked, visibly confused.  

“well..” he stopped, briefly looking up to the sky in contemplation as if he hadn’t thought that far ahead already. after composing himself, he squeezed your hand in reassurance. “no. i thought we’d go somewhere we already know pretty well, then go back to the palace. just for today. then i’ll make my rounds throughout the week and you don’t have to miss so much work.” 

it was strange, the way he felt the need to over explain himself when speaking with you. the way you saw it, if there was anyone in the palace he could put his full trust in without being disappointed, it was yourself. “alright.. that’s actually not a bad idea.”

you were grateful, at the very least, that soonyoung had procured a horse for the two of you and chose not to ask any question before mounting his saddle. you just hoped that the most difficult part of the journey was over; while the two of you shared the tight space on the saddle, you were allowed to take in the sights around you properly while having a perfect excuse to hold onto soonyoung tightly around the waist. it was the best of both worlds.

majestic couldn’t even begin to describe the open plains of the kingdom during the wintertime. several inches of powdery snow shone in the sunlight, the flakes clung to the trees’ thin branches like lace, the sky was the most beautiful shade of baby blue you’d ever seen in your life.

as much as you would have loved to enjoy your surroundings, you couldn’t exactly sit in silence. “soonyoung?” 

“hmmm?”

“why did you never tell me your uncle was a courtier?” you asked, your hands slightly tensing near his sternum once holding your arms in a fixed position became too trying of a task. 

soonyoung chuckled, as if taken aback by your question. “honestly? i didn’t really find out myself until a few days before we moved,” he explained. “i always knew he came from good money, i just didn’t know where he got it all from. or why my father didn’t have much, for that matter.”

“right..” you nodded, your chin brushing against his shoulder with the brisk movement. 

“but my father was never really the type to sit behind a desk and organize meetings, anyways,” soonyoung continued. “he loved the ocean. any opportunity he could, he joined the royal navy on their voyages. he was..adventurous. bold, daring, zealous-”

“a lot like you,” you chimed in softly.

you watched his cheeks flush with that same shade of tomato red, his eyes falling to the reins he clutched onto tightly. “i’d like to think so. though, i will be the first to admit i don’t want to be anywhere near the ocean.”

“what? you seemed to have no problem ice skating back in the day,” you reminded him.

“oh, come on that’s much different,” soonyoung replied defensively. “for one, the ocean’s a lot more.. restless and boundless than that old river. so much of it hasn’t even been discovered yet.”

“restless and boundless? sounds like someone else i know,” you snickered. “it’s a shame. the two of you would make such a great pair.”

he shook his head, laughing helplessly at this point. “i think you and i both know what i really need is someone who’d keep me even tempered.” you knew without any second guessing who he was referring to. he spoke so effortlessly, so casually, you would have thought he was talking about something as mundane as the weather. even so, his words ignited a fire within your heart that nearly made you forget about the cold entirely.

you played off your bashfulness with a chuckle, watching a cloud of smoke escape from your lips as a result. “i suppose you’re right. even if there is really no use in trying to settle you down.” 

soonyoung pouted but didn’t argue, instead opting for changing the subject. “what about you? how did you come to work at the palace?”    

you paused. after a few years in the palace, it felt as if you’d been there your entire life and it was impossible, pointless even, to recall your life beforehand. “well.. you remember when my father went on that excursion of his,” you chuckled in annoyance. “he promised he’d come back rich, even though we were living quite comfortably. well.. he still hasn’t returned home. we ran out of the money he’d left for us, but he did leave us with plenty of debt. my mother was taken away to the debtors’ prison and i was left to search for work and boarding until i ended up at the palace, by some miracle.”

soonyoung didn’t even try to hide his shock, or his disdain for that matter. “what??” he almost shrieked. he patted your wrist after feeling you jump behind him, a temporary apology. “i don’t know what to say. that’s one of the worst things i’ve ever heard, i’m so sorry.”

you shrugged. “i’ve made my peace with it by now.”

“you shouldn’t have to, though,” he countered. “i can easily pay your father’s debts off for you. she shouldn’t have to live in a cell for the rest of her life just because-” he stopped himself before he could risk hitting a nerve. 

just because her husband was a lowlife? “we appreciate that. but we won’t accept any charity.” much to your surprise, soonyoung didn’t press you any further on the matter. 

neither of you were expecting to arrive to your main destination so quickly. you were definitely not expecting to arrive at, the large river you’d grown quite familiar with as a child, of all places. the fact that it looked exactly the same, even years later, left you feeling awe struck. your jaw remained agape even when dismounting the horse.

“it’s- so-” you started, sounding absolutely stupid. not that you cared, seeing that the twisting body of frozen water lay before you, mountains of snow and frostbitten trees surrounding it. it felt so incredibly peaceful. it felt like your shared sanctuary. 

soonyoung chuckled and ensured his dark horse was securely but loosely tied to a nearby tree. he then reached into his satchel, pulling out two matching pairs of ice skates and effectively earning a snicker from you. “i have my ways,” he shrugged, answering the question on the tip of your tongue. 

tying your straps and ensuring the blades were secure felt like a blur. the two of you waddled towards the edge of the river, staying too close to the snow for soonyoung’s liking. he squeezed your hand in silent encouragement, “how are you feeling? balanced?” 

you held on tighter to his hand, staring down at your feet moving back and forth in choppy motions. “um.. sort of?”

“good.” after securing his tight grip on your hand once more, soonyoung kicked his right foot and the two of you were off. your shriek echoed throughout the cold air as you held onto him for dear life, stumbling on the frosty surface. “see? you’ve still got it!” 

you laughed once he pulled you into a sharp turn near a winding corner, the abrupt movement startling you enough to hold onto him tighter. “hardly!” even as warm nostalgia flooded through your veins and motivated you enough to match his movements, soonyoung’s work agenda remained in the back of your mind. “i don’t see what this has to do wi-”   

you shrieked again once he paused his movements just enough to let go of your hand without making you fall down completely. for a moment you stood alone, dumbfounded and wobbly, watching him glide in front of you with such practiced ease. “come on, it’s not getting any colder!” he yelled past his shoulder.

“stay near the edges,” you reminded him, though something told you that instruction would go in one ear and out the other. his bright red scarf and large coat appeared as if they would float right off of his figure with how fast he was skating. “very well.” after a moment you finally broke down and pushed after him, arms at your side in an attempt to steady yourself.

soonyoung would soon turn around to face you, moving a little too close to the middle of the water for your own comfort. before you could scold him again, he zipped towards you and grabbed both of your hands, coming to a full stop. “i’m so happy here with you,” he said breathlessly. “thank you.”

you held tightly to his hands even if you were slowly finding your balance. “whatever for?”

“for always humoring me.” with that, he closed the space between the two of you in favor of kissing you gently. the two of you presented a gentle smile in unison and soonyoung was the one to break away. “it can’t be easy.”

you paused, unsure whether to confirm or deny his statement. the truth was.. soonyoung provided the excitement and laughter in your life that you’d seemed to be chasing for much too long. how could you ever hold that against him?  

of course, you wished he would at the very least give you time to formulate a response with more substance than, ‘i don’t mind it so much.’ for he pulled you alongside him down the winding path, opting for a smoother pace this time around. four blades glide against the shining ice in a beautiful, casual air while the two of you remained hand in hand. 

“are you sure they’ll approve of you taking a turn around the lake like this?” you finally asked.

“definitely not,” he snickered. “but they don’t need to know. it’ll be our little secret.”

you sighed, a sarcastic air within the little cloud of smoke near your lips. “so many secrets.”

you don’t know the half of it. before soonyoung could offer an assuring remark, he looked towards the previously proclaimed forbidden spot on the lake. most of the surface was gray, misty almost.. but there was a distinct glow of light blue almost directly in the center of the streambed. suddenly he remembered.. “oh-” 

“soonyoung, don’t-” you voiced your protest to no avail. he dropped your hand in favor of inching closer and closer towards the magnetizing center floor. 

“it’s fine, y/n,” he chuckled without turning back to face you. instead he tried not to focus too much on how the ice was much thinner where he was standing, allowing him a closer look at the blue rocks deep deep below the surface. “come on, you used to love it over here.”

“back when we were a lot smaller,” you countered, now feeling antsy as you lingered near the lake’s edge. 

he snickered with a dismissive wave of your hand, nearly making your blood boil in frustration. he ignored you otherwise, bending down ever so slightly to get a closer look.. and then he realized, everything hitting him all at once..

“soonyoung-”

“that’s why they all looked so familiar,” he muttered to himself, his mind racing. no, it had to be too good to be true. his very first stop, he came across the object he’d been sent to procure. how could it be possible that the moonstones were directly in front of him his entire life, just barely out of reach..

was it fate? destiny?

“soonyoung, come on. snap out of it-”

he didn’t even hear the crack before he fell into the water. across the river, however, it sounded like thunder. you reacted immediately, rushing towards the broken ice without a second thought. you couldn’t scream. you couldn’t speak. you could barely even breath as you grabbed onto both of his arms, feeling the thinning ice settle underneath you.

but you didn’t give up. soonyoung did what he could to push himself out of the water, holding onto your arms for dear life. neither of you spoke a word, both of your panicked breaths speaking for themselves. inwardly, you were cursing, pleading with him.. he must have known from the moment his eyes found yours.

once he reached the surface, his entire figure drenched in ice cold water, you promptly dragged him off of the ice entirely. he shivered violently, clinging to any ounce of warmth you could offer him, “y/n-”

“god, you’re so so stupid,” you cut him off with a broken sob, your hands cupping both of his achingly cold cheeks. “how could you do something like that?! you know better, i know you do!”

he held onto you tighter, chasing your warmth. chasing your comfort, especially once you threw off your overcoat and draped it over his shoulders. “i know, i-”

“you’re so fucking stupid,” you cried and threw your arms around his shoulders, effectively trapping him in your embrace. tears fell down your cheeks as the loud crack echoed in your mind again and again, nearly encouraging you to scream at the top of your lungs. “are you alright?? god, tell me you’re alright-”

“i’m fine,” he spoke in shuddered breaths, now clinging onto you as if to take every last breath away. he chased every fleeting hint of warmth your lips brought to his skin as you kissed his cheek, again and again. “i’m fine. i’m sorry. i’m sorry..”

for a moment, you could only cry quietly into his wet shoulder and search desperately for comfort within the sound of his steadying heartbeat. the thought of losing him again was unbearable, you’d always known that, but after nearing the possibility.. “what was that for?” 

“it-” he paused with a sheepish expression. “it’s a long story-”

—---------

making the journey back towards the palace in soonyoung’s condition was not an option, at least the two of you could agree on that. hence why the two of you sat in a dimly lit room in the inn, wearing borrowed clothes and hugging each other tightly under the covers as night fell. your eyes, filled with gentle insistence, searched his for any reasonable explanation for his failed logic. 

“why would you do something like that?” you asked, your tone low but persistent. “you could have drowned if i wasn’t there. all for some rocks?” 

he drew in a sigh and you felt his sternum rise before falling against yours, reminding you of just how close you were laying together. “you have to swear not to tell anyone. and i mean anyone.”

“of course,” you agreed; after all, what was one more secret?

“they’re not just some rocks. jihoon believes those stones possess magic of some kind. he sent me to find them and bring them back to the palace. without telling jeonghan.” as he spoke, his voice remained avoidant, almost sheepish. you would have almost found it comical.

“..what?” there was always an unsettling anxiety that came with the fact that you never really knew what went on behind closed doors. you had placed your faith in jeonghan since the day of his coronation; he seemed to advocate for all of the right things.. but your stomach did somersaults with the newfound knowledge that he didn’t have all the power you might have thought he did. “that’s…so..so wrong. how could he make you do that?”

“no idea,” he replied hastily. “he’s changed. i don’t like being around him. i understand that it can’t be easy ruling a kingdom but i don’t know.”

you nodded, settling comfortably in the crook of his neck. much to your relief, he was finally starting to warm up. “what are you going to do?” 

“no idea,” he repeated. “i can’t tell jeonghan what’s going on because jihoon’ll get mad and have me removed from the court. i can’t keep it a secret, jeonghan could have everyone removed and most likely banished. i definitely can’t fish the rocks out of the stream right now; the water probably froze back over tonight and who knows how deep the water is, anyways. and.. i just can’t believe they’ve been right in front of my face this whole time.”

you listened to his ramblings without interrupting, keeping a comforting hold on his shoulder as he spoke. “you’re worried about jihoon being mad at you?” you asked, your words slightly muffled against his neck. 

“hmm?” 

“i’m just saying-” you pulled away, falling back against the pillow to properly meet his gaze. “i think there’s a lot more at stake than someone’s feelings towards you.”

soonyoung’s lips fell apart, at a loss for words. “well, i know that, but- it’s complicated. jihoon’s not just my superior, he’s my friend. i can’t lose him just because of a disagreement.”

“but it’s not just a disagreement,” you countered. “he’s going behind the king’s back. he doesn’t know what he’s getting into with these powers, and i think he’s being a little hypocritical-”

“well, yeah, he’s not perfect,” he interrupted and broke out of your embrace, sitting upright. immediately feeling affected by the loss of the blankets, he tugged the fabric of the borrowed dress robes closer to his figure. “but he’s..it’s all just..” he paused, trying to compose all of his thoughts. “it’s really complicated. you wouldn’t understand.”

you furrowed your eyebrows. “why wouldn’t i understand?” you mirrored his position, sitting upright and propping yourself up by your left hand to face him properly. 

visibly, soonyoung regretted his words. “well.. because-”

“because i’m just some lowly servant?” you finished for him, your voice gentle even as you scolded him. “because i’m so simple and unassuming compared to the rest of your friends?” 

soonyoung furrowed his eyebrows, pausing abruptly and welcoming the palpable tension. “what are you talking about? where did that come from?” 

you scoffed, the pitiful laugh barely audible. “you know it's the truth.”

“no, it’s not.” 

“why we have to sneak around, why we can’t talk outside my bedroom,” you continued. “why we can’t even be caught looking at each other.”

the confusion and hurt was visible within soonyoung’s features. he kept his eyebrows furrowed in disbelief, continuing, “you think i prefer to sneak around with you? well, i don’t! i hate it! i hate it. you have no idea how much i wish you could come to all of these stupid balls and dinner parties with me. if you don’t want to, i understand, but you won’t even try!” 

“i hate it too!” you exclaimed. “but we’re not kids anymore!”

“you think i don’t know that??”

“sometimes, yes!” soonyoung froze and you immediately regretted allowing the words to leave your mouth. you parted your lips, lost for a proper apology, and watched him slowly rise to his feet. “soonyoung, wait-”

he ignored you, pushing past the bed leaving the room with a gentle slam of the door. your words were ingrained in his mind, your delivery, the look in your eyes.. all of it. it hurt. it hurt so terribly, coming face to face with the notion that things between the two of you had just changed too much.

he kept walking and walking until his slippers were met with the powdery snow, his cheeks burning from the frigid winds. but he would not return to you until his mind was clear, he owed you that much. he, too, could be level headed. or so he thought.

for when he eventually found his way back to the river, the familiar heavenly glow was gone and panic settled within his heart. someone had taken the stones.

—---------

as expected, the journey back to the palace was terribly awkward. it didn’t help that neither of you had never been particularly talkative in the mornings and both of you opted to leave promptly at sunrise. your hold around his waist was much looser this time around as you did what you could to give him space on the shared saddle. it was horrible. 

the two of you shared a half-hearted farewell before parting ways in the castle. you carried your belongings to the servants’ quarters while trying to be as inconspicuous as possible and soonyoung made a beeline for the great hall. thankfully, no one spotted the two of you together.

you were startled to see seulgi standing in your bedroom the moment you pushed the door open, however. you bit back a shriek, nearly dropping all of your clothes. “seulgi? why aren’t you working?”

“i could ask you the same thing,” she countered, her lips twisting into a teasing smirk. “you never take a day off. what’s going on?” 

“nothing,” you stated and hurriedly began to hang up your damp clothing. “i was just feeling a little suffocated in the palace, is all.”

“i don’t blame you,” she sighed before helping you search for your uniform. “yesterday i thought about following you out the door and running far away. the king’s planning an impromptu party for tomorrow night.” 

“tomorrow night?” you sighed, slapping your palm over your forehead. maybe you should have asked for another day off, after all. “maybe you’re right. maybe he and the queen are celebrating something.” which only made the news you’d pulled out of soonyoung all the more heartbreaking.

speaking of which, soonyoung was surprised to see he was the first man to arrive inside the courtroom after jihoon. he had never been this early, even if he could have helped it. he found his assigned seat, trying to avoid eye contact with the other man and failing terribly. 

“you’re back earlier than expected,” jihoon said quietly.

he gulped, trying to distract himself with the endless stacks of papers on his desk. your words, ever present in the back of his mind, tugged at his heartstrings and proved impossible to ignore. in a shaky tone, he lied with such apparent impulse, “my horse slipped a shoe.” 

jihoon stared daggers at the other man, who he could read like a book at this point. not that soonyoung made much of an effort to hide anything particularly well. “sorry to hear that,” jihoon finally sighed. “hopefully you’ll be back on the road in a timely manner.”

“oh yes, hopefully.” 

soonyoung found himself praising god or whomever once mingyu and wonwoo burst through the doors. the others soon followed, providing him with a temporary sense of relief whether they realized it or not. still.. he spent the rest of the meeting doing what he could to avoid eye contact with jihoon and push your harsh words out of his mind completely.

—------------

it was no surprise that the dress your best friend had purchased for you was more comfortable than anything else you owned. even a simple frock that served as a formal enough uniform for the party seemed to encourage you to curl up in a ball and fall asleep near the fireplace. instead, you were tasked with carrying the tray of champagne flutes around the ballroom. 

for a moment, he was nowhere to be found. you wanted to thank him, tell him how much warmer it was than your last one, but those words seemed forced to remain at the tip of your tongue for the time being. 

“new dress?” seulgi’s voice from behind you remained low and somewhat neutral. 

you nodded, carefully turning around and avoiding several shoulders to face her. “yes. does it look alright?”

“it looks more like you should be wearing it out to a restaurant,” she chuckled. “where did you find it?”

you paused, soonyoung’s name at the tip of your tongue and the center of your mind, as always. you pushed the thought of him away, as always, to the best of your ability. “just..someplace in town. i’ll have to take you there one of these days.”

“please do.”

the two of you seulgi promptly left your side to continue her rounds. at the very least, you were grateful your performance had been put on a pause for the time being. well, until you had to go to the kitchen to replace your empty glasses. you shuffled down the stairs with bowed shoulders, forcing your eyes shut and then wide open in an effort to wake yourself up. whether the exhaustion was entirely emotional or physical was up for debate.

after your tray became about five times heavier, you forced yourselves up the stairs once more. once you reached the top step, however, the energy shifted and you weren’t entirely sure why. that was, until you finally got a clear enough glance at two familiar faces in the corner of the room, standing in a small circle with jeonghan and the queen. 

“it’s the princess,” a stranger behind you whispered incredulously. “she’s finally here again, i can’t believe it-”

and joshua. 

but what did this mean? were they permitted to live in the palace again or were they just visiting? did they somehow know about soonyoung’s conundrum? where was that man, anyways..

the room suddenly felt stuffy, even more crowded. you had spotted every member of the royal court you recognized except for soonyoung. it was an unfortunate habit of yours, assuming the worst, but you couldn’t really help it. settling for the first empty surface you spotted, you set your tray down rather hastily and cautiously pushed the balcony doors open.

once you came to ignore the bitterly cold air, you stepped to the balcony’s edge and let your hands rest upon the snow-covered railing. you’d never wished so desperately for spring to come before. lately, in the palace, it seemed as if there was something unexpected at every turn of the hallway. 

a faint click behind you prompted the hair near the back of your neck to rise. “sorry, i just needed a minute-” 

“it’s me.”  

before you could fully turn around, soonyoung was at your side. he wore a dark shade of red that reminded you of the wine you’d always wanted to try, his dark hair fanned over his eyes in little wisps.. you so desperately wanted to reach a hand to brush through it. his smile grew once he got a closer look at the dress you were wearing and his eyes remained respectively locked on your figure, as if to memorize how it looked on you. 

“did you see joshua’s back? and the princess?” you asked quietly, unsure of what else to say.

“i did,” he nodded, letting his hands drape over the railing next to yours. “no one really knows what it means. rumor has it jeonghan’s letting them stay here again.”

“i bet his father is thrilled.” you paused, absorbing the tense, cold silence. then you bowed your head, staring at the dark carriages lined up in front of the palace. a few footmen remained outside, as if to surveille the precious machinery, but they all seemed to blur before your eyes. “i’m sorry- i shouldn’t have said all those things.”

he paused and you heard him swallow next to you. his eyes remained glued to the ground below, though he couldn’t fully focus on the sight. “we all have to grow up sometime. i didn’t realize how young you were when you were forced to learn for yourself.”

“you too.” you forced your eyes shut, preventing a single tear from surfacing. “but i could..i could try to live a little.”

he shook his head sternly. “i never wanted to force you to do something you didn’t want to,” he whispered and brought his hand to your cheek in an effort to get a better look at your eyes. they shone in the moonlight, glossed with a few distant tears which he was ready to wipe away. “i think there’s something beautiful about loving you in secret, actually.”

that was it. there was no comedic edge to his words, no short chuckle followed.. just pure vulnerability. “really?” 

“you see parts of me no one else does,” he whispered while tracing patterns against your cheek with his thumb. “i can’t trust anyone else the way i trust you.” 

once again, you were at a loss for words and cursed inwardly for feeling that the gift of words of affirmation merely passed you by. you did, however, lift your hands from the railing in favor of resting them on his chest. his heartbeat echoed through his shirt in gentle time with yours. “is it selfish,” you sighed. “that i want you all to myself?”

he chuckled for the first time that night and your heart nearly melted completely. “i can’t really judge you for that. i feel the same way.”

you smiled from ear to ear, watching your hands slide up towards his shoulders. “soonyoung..can we really continue with this?”

“are you asking if this is what i really want?” he asked, the smallest hint of disbelief. “of course. of course. i just want to know if you’re alright with all of it.”

“of course.” you spoke in the same cadence as him, giving either of his shoulders a gentle squeeze. “even if we have to sneak around and whisper for the rest of our lives.. i love to love you in secret.”

soonyoung allowed less than a second to pass before placing his lips against yours. you quickly chased the feeling, only just then realizing how much you’d missed his passionate, adoring kisses. both of his hands fell to your waist before he tugged you closer in search for your warmth. you, lost for words, poured every emotion you could into your kisses, and he felt as if he could have responded until he was breathless. 

or until he heard footsteps on the other side of the door and pulled away, putting a respectful distance between the two of you. to your shared surprise, it wasn’t jihoon swinging open the doors in a hurried manner. it was jeonghan. 

“your highness!” he beamed. “wh-”

“save it.” jeonghan stood between the two of you, seething in anger. he faced soonyoung, his own jaw clenched so tightly there was no doubt it hurt. “why didn’t you tell me about your mission?”

soonyoung’s throat went dry as he tried to stop his jaw from falling to the floor. “...come again?”

“don’t play dumb,” jeonghan snapped. “i know what he told you to do. i know what he wants.”

stealing a glance past the king’s shoulder, soonyoung looked to you for reassurance. it came in the form of a grin that disappeared as quickly as it surfaced. “i- how do you kn-”

“it doesn’t matter how i know,” jeonghan snapped again, his voice reaching an octave you’ve never heard from the young man. it was alarming, to say the least. it all felt like a dream..or like a horrible nightmare.

“your highness-” you finally stepped in, standing close enough to soonyoung that you wouldn’t arouse any suspicion. you spoke in a calculating yet mediating tone, “if you don’t mind me asking, what exactly brought this on?” 

jeonghan took a step back, staring at the four handprints on the railing where a few more snowflakes had already begun to fall and fill in the space. he forced his eyes shut, his voice slightly strained. “when i heard about what jihoon had been doing behind my back, i thought it must have been a lie. there was no way a respectable man of the royal court, someone who’d been trusted for years, could do something like this.” 

he paused and the two of you held your breath. his hand, hiding behind his back, reached for yours and gave it a firm but hidden squeeze while the two of you prepared for the worst.

“my suspicions were all but confirmed the last time i spoke with him.” the young king chuckled bitterly, finally allowing himself a clearer look at the two of you. “that traitor, though he may look it, is not jihoon.”